#most of these were art i made at the beginning of the month but didnt feel like posting them ;;;

[crystallizsch]

runs - runs away giggling

is the. is the size accurate to the background i dont know 💀 i got bored

anyways this post is literally just a small art dump of them being silly (mostly) :3c

[jasperxkuromi]

Regressors that are (bodily) older, please interact!

Later 20s, 30s, maybe even older? I would love to hear from you and maybe even your stories if you don't mind sharing!

I want to meet more people like me and also show others that age regression doesn't just suddenly "stop" at a certain age

Some of us:

Didn't discover regressing/didn't understand their involuntary regression until they were older

Wasn't in a safe space mentally and/or physically to be able to regress the way we want to

Didnt "grow out" of regressing. I think a lot of people outside the community assume we will all grow out of wanting to regress at some point. Maybe some of us will, but some of us won't. Regressing can be a safe and healthy coping mechanism, no matter your bodily age!

And probably many other reasons I can't think of at the moment lol

I would love to get to talk to older regressors, or if there are any groups/discords, I would like to know those too :3

I'm gonna talk about my story a little under the cut, but I don't exactly recommend reading it if you are little right now! I am going to be talking about s3xualization of agere and children's media unfortunately.

I started age dreamer/involuntarily regressing when I was in high school without really knowing what it was. I was really into MLP FiM during its height popularity. I watched the show, collected and played with the toys, did coloring books, took my MLP blanket to school ever day. You get the idea.

I discovered regression here in Tumblr, but this was yeeeeaaars ago, like back when nsfw was still allowed. The line between ddlg and agere wasn't as solid as it is now. Or maybe it was just because I was a kid and couldn't understand better? Either way ... i ended up getting wrong ideas of what agere had to be and ended up scaring myself off. I also had adult roleplayers leaving really inappropriate comments on my posts that made me feel icky. I thought agere had to be s3xual and scared myself off.

We also unfortunately probably know the uhhh .. types of fan art that was popular of MLP. And it just ended up making me lose interest in the series. The stuff was everywhere and it was hard to avoid even if you were vigilant.

I never got a real chance to understand what healthy, voluntary regression was. I still was an age dreamer, but most times when I involuntarily regress it is out of extreme stress and it isn't fun or pretty.

I had a lot of bad things that happened to me last year and in turn I am having more health issues. Chronic conditions I already had getting worse, and new ones popping up. My mom (the one who birthed me) has been helping me a bit, but it has still been a lot of playing adult. Making phone calls back and forth, filling out paperwork, figuring out disability leave, paying bills, etc etc. I started age dreaming more and more often to cope with the stress. Like I randomly one day bought a DVD player and sets of Winnie the Pooh and Scooby Doo DVDs lmfao.

I also never stopped collecting stuffed animals and came back to collecting dolls again last year. It helps that I have friends IRL who I don't think are regressors, but still enjoy collecting with me. (my friends don't know yet, but I think they would be accepting if I told them, or they might already assume I regress tbh)

I have kinda had age regression on the back of my mind for several months, but was scared to look back into it. I was scared of going through the same thing I did back in high school. But also denying I am a regressor and that I still need to heal my childhood wounds was getting heavier and heavier on me. I am sooooo thankful I finally felt safe to begin exploring regression again ♥️😁

Side note: while I absolutely don't care if people do ddlg and similar stuff as a kink/fetish, I am thankful that the distinction between that and agere is more distinct now. It is important we protect minors and other vulnerable people from having the same sorts of things that happened to me (or worse) from happening to them.

[refuse2analyze]

homeless, help needed - offering various commissions

i havent been in/active in the art community for a while, and to be honest my return is for selfish reasons. i had to unexpectedly pack up and leave my home due to my bad family situation becoming significantly worse in the beginning of this year. so, i’ve been homeless since march. i’ll add the TLDR of my story towards the bottom of this if anybody wants it, but for now i’ll cut to the chase :p

cashapp: $uluvrory / venmo: circusfool / ask for zelle (unfortunately my paypal got hacked and i simply do not have the mental capacity to deal with that rn)

because of my desperate situation, i’m doing name your price commissions, as low as $5. of course the quality of the art will match the amount paid, which is why i’ll do anything ranging from a traditional sketch to a digital painting.

if you’re a real kind heart i would greatly appreciate any kind of donations, though i’d feel guilty not repaying the favor with at least a doodle

i have a general idea of what prices will amount to what kind of art, so dm me what you’re willing to pay and we can discuss!

since im still setting up my tumblr again, more examples are on my instagram of the same username! not currently logged in, though -> my situation below

this is a very summarized story, and i’ll refrain much information for safety purposes. certain family i lived with was known to mistreat members of our family. her biggest punching bags have 1. died 2. left due to her treatment. so i became her biggest target

she was supportive of my lgbt identity, until i came out as trans. currently i find the most comfort being unlabeled in every aspect of my identity, but at the time, i came out as trans, and discovered that this was not a safe space anymore.

things worsened at home, and i was practically only there to sleep due to fear and anxiety. being out daily from sunrise to night was miserable, being put in very uncomfortable and unsafe situations, which would absolutely have been worse if i didnt have a place to sleep.

i was told i cannot be out of the house like that, and i had to stay indoors, not allowed to isolate from her, or i had to leave. given how unsafe i felt around her and in that house at all, the only answer i felt i had was to leave. i knew it was going to have to happen since i initially moved with her at 15, i just didn’t expect it to have to happen so fast (i was 19 at the time, now 20)

i moved in with a friend’s dad. but unfortunately he lived in a filthy house with black mold all over the walls and vents of each room, all kinds of bug infestations, floor covered with garbage, and about 20 people (give or take), many on drugs, with constant fighting and violence. on top of that, her dad is a very scary guy, who knows my dad, a very scary guy, both in gangs and unpredictable due to their drug usage.

while here each paycheck went to clothing since my stuff was stolen on the daily (including expensive things, like my nintendo switch. man.) i had to leave that place unexpectedly and so the only items i took with me were what i had on my person when i went to work, and i had to rebuy everything from scratch (clothing, hygiene items, underwear, socks…)

after that i was floating around and as of recently i’ve been staying at a youth shelter! ive made it so far on my own, but my savings is getting pretty dry, and my minimum wage work is only giving me 8-12 hours per week, which is very hard to live off of. im frantically looking for other jobs, but its been a month with very little luck

i hope this post doesnt come across as too pity-seeking. any kind of assistance is so appreciated!!

[roadkill-raccoons]

just found out about your peachblood au but can't quite figure out what the story is or what it's about. it looks like some kind of apocalypse AU, but other than that I don't know anything ;-;

By the way, your art is beautiful!

AHH im sorry 😭, im not good at writing down my thoughts into ways that are understandable

I wouldnt say theres much of a story other than the beginning.

This au is heavily inspired by adventure time, a little bit of steven universe, the last of us and some story me and a friend where making but completely forgot about, plus the weird shit that goes on in a my dreams.

Yes its an apocalyptic story, i made it as a massive excuse to draw some weird ass shit when i felt like it.

It mainly starts with Mk traveling alone just trying to live and eventually find peachy (that pink monkey) scrambling around in a peaches box in a old corner store.

Mk and and the monkey travel for a bit before they run into macaque and bai he, where macaque decides to fuck with Mk nearly getting him and peachy killed multiple times.

After they escape macaque they run into a forest that they stay in for a couple weeks, going deeper into the forest where they find monkey kings staff, laid in front of an empty grave for the undead monkey, the six eared macaroni macaque.

Mk did not remember who the monkey king was since he spent most of his life trying to live after tang and pigsy passed, so despite being in a very magical looking place he takes the staff as a form of protection, somehow assuming its just a regular staff that someone lost, he does learn a bit from a comic he found.

Mk and peachy travel for couple months in different cities where each were filled with strange creatures (i have so many failed sketches for these creatures) most of these creature use to be people or animals that were affected by a man made virus that a demon (lbd) took advantage of.

Mk and peachy eventually find boat while running from something and use to it to escape, where they float around in the ocean surviving on backpack food and fish for about a month before washing up on flower fruit mountain, yeah mk somehow slept through sailing through those big ole fiery mountains, peachy didn’t tho.

Once mk woke up he saw the villages at the top of the mountains and wanted to go up the tallest one to ask for help.

He finds monkey kings little hut but not monkey king, since it was empty he fell asleep, where he woke up to wukong poking at him non stop

After that mk spends a month learning who wukong really is and what he did and can do (he learns through the monkey villagers, not wukong hes basically become a lazy dad after being alone for so long) after a few attempts wukong agrees to travel with mk for a while. Peachy didnt totally try to fist fight three baby monkeys

That where the main story ends and rest is just mk and wukong doing whatever. Not much of a story afterwards since then its just kinda open for interpretation, dilly little ideas n shit

Hopefully this is all understandable, im used to describing shit in very strange ways. I actually also keep forgetting about it too :,3

If none of this makes sense you can also go thru the #peachblood au tag

And lastly 🥺🥺thnk you!!!!

[bonyfish]

Hey do you guys want to hear the pawn shop story I don't tell because it sounds so fuckin fake? It is, regrettably, the season for it and I've been thinking of it again.

To preface this story with a defense of my honor, this is neither the weirdest nor the most upsetting thing to happen to me while working at the pawn shop. (The clown mask fake robbery probably takes the cake on both counts.) That is to say that in isolation, all elements of this tale are quite mundane to the reality of working at a pawn shop in southern Indiana.

Anyway.

CW: antisemitism, the 2016 election, customer service work

The year is 2016. I'm a couple years out of art school and have been working at a pawn shop in my small city for most of that time. I am a few months out from the event that will mark, in addition to calamity on a national and global scale, the beginning of the dissolution of my relationship with my parents: the election of Donald Trump. I am also beginning to suspect my new coworker Brian (not his real name) might be kind of a sleeper asshole.

Brian and I were at the jewelry counter this day, when this German couple in maybe their mid-40s walked in. They were friendly and in good spirits, and we chatted a bit while they tried on rings. My grandfather was German, and between that and growing up on Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, German and Austrian accents kind of put me at ease. So I liked these two, up until the fellow tried to negotiate the price of a ring down and the lady said, "He's not Jewish, if that's what you're thinking!"

Now this was far from the first time I'd encountered the greedy/thrifty Jew stereotype while working at the pawn shop. As with many unpleasant interactions, my default reaction was to pretend I hadn't noticed the negativity and forge on ahead. So I said something like, "That's too bad, since I'm Jewish and we would've had that in common."

To which the woman replied, laughing, "See, the joke is you're all greedy!"

Typically when I responded to this sort of thing by revealing that I'm Jewish, the other person would become embarrassed and apologize or otherwise end the interaction. Once or twice someone had covered up the awkwardness of the moment by making as many offensive jokes as possible before one of my coworkers took over, but this blithe statement of perceived fact was new. I did not know how to deal with this.

I said, "That is the stereotype, yes."

I'm not sure how she did it conversationally, but from there she segued quite abruptly into talking about how she really likes that Trump fellow, because he "tells it like it is." My coworker was just nodding along, agreeing with her and chatting, while I stood there wondering how I had ended up in this situation and how quickly I could exit it. Even at the time I was marveling at how hamfisted the moment would have been from a narrative perspective, were this a story and not my own wretched weekday morning. I mean, they were even German, for fuckssake. I hate the punchline/stereotype of all Germans being Nazis because, as I mentioned, my grandfather and his family were German Jews, and I feel like that stereotype erases those people while simultaneously letting actual Nazi Germans off the hook for their own choices. But here I am listening to this conversation and realizing that now I have this story I can't tell because it's too damn stupid.

Presently they left, and I tried to see if Brian had made any sort of connection between these people insulting me to my face and then endorsing this particular candidate, but of course he saw nothing wrong with the interaction. This marked the decline of any fellow-feeling I had towards him as a coworker. Another coworker later told me that Brian "didnt believe" in gay people, which explained why he couldn't work the register-- I trained him, and since I don't actually exist, there's no way he could've learned to do his job properly.

Anyway that's my story. A year or so later I quit with no prospects because having to play nice with people who I knew voted for Trump was making me crazy. Next time I'll tell a more fun story, like the one about all the cockroaches, or the other one about all the cockroaches.

[squeaksinc]

2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

[inventedfangirling]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

ah finally after a gazillion years i've been able to get around to doing this after being tagged by the ever sweet @fiercynn , so lemme straightaway get down to it.

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc.

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

hello there, i'm a 24 year old gray-ace panromantic desi on the romance positive end of the arospec (im still undergoing the wonderful but also often difficult and long journey of discovering myself so this is subject to change :3), i prefer going by my username so i'm not sharing my name.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

i watched bad buddy exactly 3 months ago on the 15th of May, 2023. i watched all the episodes all on the same day and i know the date because after finishing the show i sent a 7 minute long audio note gushing about the show to my best friend. i ADORED it that much. and that's where all of this started. i loved the show so much and the lack of people i knew irl who were interested meant i had to find other people in the fandom to freak out with. i kept posting one after another favourite bad buddy edit of mine on my twitter page, gushing about it, but i got barely any response and that's when i reminded myself that tumblr exists and i should get back on here. and that's how i made this account 2 weeks after i watched the show and voila here i am surrounded by people who are as crazy about the show as i am and i couldn't be more delighted about it :')

favorite ship(s)

patpran and inkpa ofc

favorite character(s)

i love pat with all my heart, the man he ends up becoming along the course of the show is one of my most favorite portrayals of any man ever BUT pran is my actual favorite, he is my baby, (somehow both) my elder and younger brother and my best friend and he has my whole heart. his love, his hesitance, his anxiety, his bravery, his dimples, his FOREHEAD, his striped shirts, his precious heart i would DIE for him no questions asked.

favorite episode(s)

episode 11. each segment had something for the heart, i adored every single second of it...the sheer volume of beaut quotes from this episode is mind blowing! ("being with you already feels like freedom", "i can be anywhere as long as i have you", "we have been happier a lot too", "thankyou for trying to make a silly guy like me happy..." "i wrote this song for him", "one man can't change the world, but this world can't change me too"), and the soft loving looks of adoration making me clutch my chest, but also there was the quintessential patpran banter and bad buddy humour and wisdom i LOVE this episode with all my heart.

episode 5 is perfection. it comes second for me, but that kiss will always be number 1 <3

favorite scene(s)

rooftop kiss, balcony phone call, episode 7 ending when pat comes to save the day and the play, episode 11 red shirts commitment expression scene, and the final credits and post credits scene

one thing you would change about the show if you could

i wished the gangs didnt bully eo or anybody else even in the beginning, i get it shows growth but still i wished that was shown differently. also i wish we got a conversation where they talk about the guitar. and while we're here i wish it was somehow longer, i could have watched ohmnanon be patpran for HOOOURS.

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

traffic was slow for the crash years by @fiercynn aka the creator of this meme. i absolutely adored every single second of the fic. despite it giving me a WORLD of pain. all the pain made it more beautiful and everything was worth it in the end. like i said before you took a great thing and made it even better <3

every piece of art that @hereforlou comes up with. you are a GEM!

all of nanons gorgeous gifsets!!

same page video edit that even p'aof tweeted about. SO good.

enchanted (aka patpran's official song) and other patpran edits by this same SO very talented editor

mudhal nee mudivum nee - another beautiful edit but desi so its even better <3

this super clever edit of patpran to message in a bottle. it's an instant serotonin booster for me.

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

you can hear it in the silence - bad buddy bet era fic (the only one i've written till now)

my bad buddy textposts collection

my pran and pat's growth posts

this post that took me 20 mins to write but is one of my fav things ive written about the show

my long treatise of bet era patpran that took me a week!

list of accounts (hopefully i haven't forgotten any) whose meta and analysis and brainrot i absolutely adore- @miscellar , @telomeke-bbs , @grapejuicegay , @aroceu, @dudeyuri, @dribs-and-drabbles, @dimplesandfierceeyes, @sharingfandoms, @waitmyturtles, @ranchthoughts, @lurkingteapot, @lurkingshan, @thegayneurodivergentagenda, @kenmakaashi, @absolutebl, @charthanry, @bengiyo, @mahuhumaling, @panickedbisexualwatchesbl, @jemmo, @patspran, @fiercynn, @midnightfreeway, @fierceeyesanddimples and a couple more im sure ive missed. it was {and continues to be} a pleasure reading their thoughts about the show (or any other show that we've mutually watched).

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

message in a bottle because of this edit

daylight cos of this edit

enchanted, because of the infinite edits we've got from it and if im not wrong pat ohm has acknowledged it too

and basically all other romantic songs in the history of romance i guess :3

alrighty then i think i'm done with this tag. this was a LOT of fun to compile <3

[content-d3leted]

It has already been a year since JH s6 was released! Honestly only feels like it's been out for a couple of months, it's so weird how it's been a year.

Yknow what this means ..... it's one year less now until a potential s7!!!!!!! If the same time period between these sitcom series remains the same (s5 to 6 was roughly 22 months), then s7 should come out around June 2025, WHICH IS NOT LONG AT ALL. I would do literally anything for a new series. I need new content so badlyyy

But to think that a year ago today I was absolutely freaking out and not being able to sleep due to the EXCITEMENT of a new wonderful series!!!! If only a certain man who's name begins with C didnt ruin the majority of the episodes, it would of been FABULOUS. I mean it still was, I love those first few episodes so much. Such a shame that so many good scripts were pretty much gone to waste though. I really really want to see Steve do those episodes, alas it will never happen.

I would really like to know what the original script was like for 'Sensible Training'. It wouldn't make sense with the plot shown, since if Mrs Sprocket coming round was a yearly occurance, then Robert would of dealt with it about 12 times before, so I wonder what would be different this time. I assume Robert would make sure Justin and LM were not around when his teacher came, since Justin has seemingly never heard of/met her before. So perhaps this time Justin and LM were unable to leave the house for some strange reason. I also doubt that Robert would try and change his best friend's personality, it just seems so out of character. Although I guess he may do it accidently whilst trying to teach good manners. But Justin usually does have good manners, he just acts weird in this episode, maybe he had too many sweets lol. I'd also like to see Robert's reaction when he discovers that his friends personalities don't go back to normal after realising the error of changing them (until Justin gets a head injury that changes him back of course). Seeing the original script for that would be so intriguing. Also for party animals (the most misery-inducing, horrendous episode known to mankind- we don't talk about Mrs Wilson's solo song.), I assume Robert would of dressed as some sort of bird, since all the other members of the family are also birds (Justin's a chicken and LM's a duck), so I bet he would of been a peacock. That would suit him so much though, especially due to his flamboyant-ness. I would LOVE to see that outfit, or at least the concept art for it. Ngl I would love to see the concept art for Robert's character in general, especially back in 2011 when they were figuring out what his outfit would be. It would be super interesting.

How did party animals even get made. I guess they wanted to give Mrs Wilson character development, but jesus christ it sucked. 'Oh, it's jelly time-' SHUT UP. THAT WAS NOT FUNNY. IT SUCKED. Yes it would of been much better with Steve in it, but tbh nothing could properly fix that episode. It does not make any sense at all that Mrs Wilson has never been to a party. Because like.......she HAS. Every time she's at the end of an episode, eg in The Big Split, she is dancing and singing in the 'Justin's House House PARTY'. She's actually canoniclly been in parties before. She probably just tried to make an excuse because she didn't want to come lol. She acts in an angry negative state of mind mostly, so it doesn't make sense how she's suddenly so shy in that episode. Of course people get nervous, but I feel like she would act in an annoyed way instead of a shy one. If I wrote it, I would make it so she attends the party, but acts all grumpy in the corner of the room, until someone (eg Cat or Robert) comes over and asks what's wrong properly. That would feel much more in character. Also how did noone know it was Mrs Wilson in the suit, especially Justin! He invited his friends, surely he would know who's coming. Oh well.

I just realised I talk about stuff so negatively wtf

Anyway HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO S6 NOW YIPPEE!!

[unlimitedtrees]

talkin' about the largest level from my game, 'UNITRES Dreams' , called ~DREAMSCAPE DISTANCE - SECTION 2~

hello. today i want to talk about the level 'Dreamscape Distance - Section 2' from the game i made, 'UNITRES Dreams'. this level is one of the largest levels i've ever made in any of my games, and it's something i'm really proud of and want to talk a little bit about. so click the read more thingy if you wish to learn more about it,,

also , By The Way, play da on newgrounds ehehehehe ~! or u can download it on itch.io too if you want

the version of this level in the final version of the game is one of the most ambitious things ive ever done and is something im Really proud of. to sum it up... it is the largest level in the entire game, with tons of paths and secrets, with there being things you can only find once in the level in Very Specific places. it was one of the last levels to be completed, and it's one of my favorites. but before i can get into the specifics... i want to first talk about its history.

when development of unitres dreams began, it was a much slower paced game, with the controls being a lot more simplistic and level design being more focused on linear platforming against enemies that constantly shoot bullets at you. both 'sections' of dreamscape distance were completely different early in development, having a different tileset and level layouts.

dreamscape distance - section 2 at this time was a lot more basic than the one in the current version of the game. it was linear and didnt have a whole lot of stuff going on. in fact, when i first invisioned it, it wasn't supposed to be anything. it was kind of just another city level where at the end you fight against the spaghetti monster you just created in a cutscene in the last level. there was One other thing i had in mind when i first created the level, but unforunately it was cut from the final game. i was planning on having there be puzzles in this level which youd solve using the party swapping mechanic. each character would have separate traits which would be used in the puzzle. i dont remember fully what the puzzles would have been like, but i think you wouldve had to the '??????' character to punch the 'trees' character across the room. sadly, at that time of development i originally gave myself a deadline of having the entire game come out on may 9, which was like less than 3 months from when i started development on the game. So, with me having little time to come up with the planning and programming and artwork for an entire puzzle section in One level, i decided to just remove it. this meant that the party swapping mechanic in the final game had a lot less purpose than what i hoped it would have... but oh well.

one idea i Tried to implement from the very beginning of the level's conception was the flying car gimmick... i wanted to have a set piece where you're flying through buildings and ships, shooting enemies with bullets and having the spaghetti boss fight be a bullet hell fight... but Well...

not only was the car itself kind of messy, but the spaghetti boss ended up being really disappointing for me. since the screen's size was really small, there wasnt a whole lot of room for you to move around in. not only that, but i couldnt really do any complex attacks from the boss, as all the bullets took up a lot of space on screen and you couldnt really see things coming ahead. so, all of the boss's moves are very basic and either incredibly easy to dodge or incredibly annoying to dodge.

so yea. i was really disappointed overall with the game back then. so, i then decided to completely change the gameplay to be more fast paced, have more movement abilities, and have more open levels with things to do. i also decided on completely remaking most of the old levels, with both of the Dreamscape Distance sections being entirely remade with new art, level design, and gimmicks. i wanted the new levels to be prettier, more fun to go through, and to leave a really good first impression. Dreamscape Distance - Section 1 was one of the first levels i remade (and i might have a lot to talk about it later... we'll see!), but Dreamscape Distance - Section 2 was one of the last levels to be finished, as at first i wasnt sure what i wanted to do with it yet.

But Then, i finally realized what i wanted to do with it, and i spent like a whole entire month dedicated to making it the most largest level ive Ever made... i wanted it to be a sort of magnum opus for me. i wanted this level to leave a lasting impression on you at the very beginning of the game. I spent Days working on just the level collision Alone, and took even longer putting in all the artwork and objects. the level even got updated multiple times to add even More stuff to it after the game came out...

and well, im not sure if other people feel the same about it, but for me it is one of my favorite levels in the whole game. im gonna talk about it now.

first off, i wanna talk about the inspirations for the level. i wanted to turn it from a simple "city area" into a whole mall area. i wanted it to feel Huge and dreamlike, so a lot of it is inspired by my own personal memories of an old mall i used to go to when i was young. one Specific thing i can bring up is the air balloons area that appears at the beginning of the level...

you see, the mall i used to go to had this sort of sculpture thing of a cartoony air balloon in the clouds... i dont remember much of it but i wanted to include something like it in the level. it's something you can Easily miss, but just before you encounter the first POLYCAR section, you can find a bunch of large air balloons floating above, and you can even bounce on the balloons like large bumpers.. it is such a specific set piece that only appears at this specific part of the level that i love so much. my only wish is that i spent more time on the art for the balloons themselves,, theyre kind of just a repeating tile set, but it is what it is.

that area is actually full with even More specific things you can only find there. just below where the balloons are, there is an entire part of the level where you can find two hidden NPCs if you go down far enough... i wont say who one of them are, but i Will tell you about the 'Vie' character...

when you first talk to her, she will give trees all of her flowers so that they can spread them all across the levels. every level from then on will have flowers placed All Over. it is such a small detail that i loved implementing, and it's something you can Only find in one incredibly easy to miss area. That is kind of what the whole spirit of the game is for me and what i want to implement in my future works,, the idea of there always being something new to find,, i wanted it so you can just get Lost in this level and find something weird to do. i may not have been able to accomplish a Whole lot with this (due to me being the Only developer working on this in my spare time), but i am really proud of what i managed to accomplish with this game...

Anyways, speaking of NPCs, this level has the Most NPCs out of every level in the game, and some of them are in Incredibly Specific places. a lot of the NPCs are actually cameos from my close friend's OCs, and im really happy they let me include their characters as little secrets in my silly little game. my Only regret is that i didnt get to create as many original characters as i wanted (as making the NPC sprites along with dialogue portraits and writing takes Longer Than You Think), but i at least was able to implement the clown trio in Chaotic Carnival... which is a story for another day...

So , after the room with the balloons, you enter the first area with the 'POLYCAR'. the design is a Lot simpler... just a diamond that moves around, but i like it a lot more than the old design, and it even controls better too. one of the important changes i made to the new version of the car is that the screen actually zooms out when you enter it, this allowed me to make the car sections more larger and for the spaghetti boss to actually be Good and like an actual bullet hell. But Anyways...

after the first POLYCAR section, you are dropped into an area with two SAVE points, along with a sign in the middle that tells you that that there's a left and right path you can take. these signs were something added later on in an update as a sort of easier way of adding more NPCs into the level without actually designing a new character, and i really like them. i managed to add a lot of these in a bunch of random spots, and while i am not proud of most of my writing, i Really like some of the stuff i wrote for these signs. they're Interesting.

so, something that only this level does is there's a left and right path which takes you to entirely different parts of the level. the left path has a few level gimmicks that dont appear at any other part in the level and is also a faster path to take, while the right path is Large and has tons of NPCs and set pieces that you skip by taking the left path. this is something ive Always wanted to, from even as far back as my old fangames, but always been afraid of doing as in a lot of cases, players will just get Lost when you make the level go in a direction that Isn't just a straight path forwards. Luckily, i think this kind of level design worked here, as the left path is a Little more linear and easy to get through compared to the right path. the left path is also more crazier, with you having to go Down, then right and then left again. so it's probably a bit more confusing, but the few playthroughs ive seen of it seem to understand it after a bit, so i think it worked out.

the left path i wont get into too much, as i think it's better for you to experience for yourself. i Will say that there's a window sprite you can find there that doesnt appear anywhere else in the level. i wanted that part of the level to feel more like a City than the rest of the level, but i didnt get to do as much with it due to time. it's still pretty neat, though. the left path is generally focused on straight Gameplay, while the right path (which is the one most people take) has a lot more Things to do.

for one, the right path is very Vertical, with tons of little areas you can find. i wanted to make the right path look like a bunch of shops, but while i didnt get to make too much art for it, you can find things such as tiny cash registers and shelves, along with scrolling walls with hearts, stars, and diamonds on them. there are, of course, Tons of NPCs and signs you can find here.

one specific NPC i'll tell you about is the 'Stealth' NPC, who is based off my friend stealth's squirrel character. just to the right of him, you can find a swimming pool which appears Nowhere Else in the level, along with a polygonal palmtree. something else you can find which only appears on the right path are escalators which move you upwards... these are also inspired by the old mall, and while i wish i couldve designed better artwork for them, i just like that theyre there.

there's a lot of specific gimmicks and areas in the right path that you can just Miss by only going one way. i dont think i will reveal every single NPC and secret in this level as i think it's best to find it yourself, but i Will say that at the very bottom of the right path you can find a hidden area with a hidden sign and NPC..

last specific little thingy about the level ill get into is that, at the end of the level you exit the mall and the background turns into a bright night sky with an ocean full of little flowers. i have nothing much to say about this other than it's pretty. also at the end of the level i tried doing a little thing where you have to go right and then left and the up and right again to get to the end, which is something i tried carrying over from the old level. idk if it worked out well but i like it anyways LOL!

so. now that ive talked about all the specific parts of the level that make me love it a lot, let me get into the Issues with this level. you see, it being large is a Curse. with it being the largest level in the game with the most objects in it, it lags like Hell. at least for me, anyways. on both of my computers it runs at like, 40 fps during most of the level, and at like 30 fps and the very end of the level. Now, i have seen people run the level at 60 fps... id imagine youd need a good pc to actually run it at full speed. but it isnt too slow for me that it's Unplayable.. and my computers arent exactly Powerful.. so i cant imagine how this level plays on a computer that is Worse. there's nothing i can really do about it. the lag is kind of the only thing that prevents me from replaying this level a billion times, especially since it Also takes awhile to load the level. it's a small price to pay for ambition...

my last real problem with the level is that i wish i could do even More with it. theres so much i wish i could add to it to make it feel even more alive,, such as making the "shops" feel like Actual Shops. i designed the level collision first before anything, so there are a lot of things i had in mind that i never got to fully detail with the artwork. my biggest fear with adding more art is that id make the level lag even More.. which is something i dont want to do. i think the big culprit for the lag is the scrolling walls with the hearts and stars on them... You See, i am Stupid and dont know how to make proper effects in construct 2... and the tiled background object type which is good for the sort of repeated texture that is used in the game can Not be animated.. so in order to pull off the scrolling animation, i made a 32x32 object with a bunch of frames for the animation and just. Copied that object a billion times. so there are Thousands of instances of this object all across the level. so yeah, that is very bad and dumb of me and i probably couldve done something way better. idk.

overall, even if i didnt manage to fully go all the way with the level, im still really proud of what i managed to do with it and the level is really important to me. i think the only time ive managed to Somewhat surpass it so far was with the level in the demo for my game 'TREES' ADVENTURE', which i tried making just as large and open as this level, along with having tons of secrets. That level i will probably have to talk about another time, but for now i'll say that while it is probably one of my most polished and prettiest levels ive Ever made, i still wish i couldve done more with it and also it just doesn't have as much going on as Dreamscape Distance - Section 2 does.

so yea. dreamscape distance - section 2 is one of the most prettiest levels ive ever made and is absolutely massive. if you're a freak for Sonic CD like me, i dare you to play it and spend as much time as you want in it, exploring for all the secrets. it may not be a Whole lot, but you might find something really neat. i hope someday someone could appreciate the weird stuff ive made the same way i have, but also i'm just fine with having this level even exist. there isn't anything like it.

that's All, play unitres dreams on newgrounds dot com EHEHHEEHE !!

[lycanthian]

blaseball.

a eulogy, of sorts.

(cw for mentions if suicide under the cut)

blaseball was my solace.

my only source of warmth by any definition in the cold (both literally and figuratively) of november 2020. that year was desolate. it was freezing.

i joined blaseball at the suggestion of, who was at the time an acquaintance, at the tail end of season eleven. i was skeptical, but latched onto the shoe thieves.

the season ended, and i spent the entire grand siesta researching just about every single thing that had ever happened in the game to that point. i was neck deep on hyperfixation, with no clue as to how deep that love would become.

blaseball helped me through a really hard time. in the years 2019-2020, i was a high school freshman navigating a brand new setting with hardly anyone i knew. being hit with quarantine was, possibly, the worst thing that could have happened to me. it was awful knowing that i spent so much energy making new friends only to be forced away from them, many of which not only cutting contact but dropping out or moving away.

i had to make new friends again when we came back. blaseball was one of the only ways i knew how. i spent lunches upon lunches of discussing everything that was happening and everything lored by the community. it helped me connect with people when connection was hard to come across.

(heres where we get into the cw a bit)

blaseball was an escape.

2020 and 2021 were shitty, shitty years.

covid aside, my mental health was at an all time low. i managed to keep going because of blaseball. it distracted me from the horrors of the world.

being cooped up made our already tense family life worse. my parents were at each others throats near constantly. they were at my brothers throats near constantly. my brothers were at each others throats near constantly.

when i started going back to school in person, covid was still rampant. shootings were picking up more and more, especially in my state.

blaseball, the act of being able to invest myself in it, was what kept me from doomspiraling for months on end.

im surprised i survived quarantine. if it werent for the community blaseball gave me, i dont think i would be here today to tell this story.

the community that blaseball gave me was extemely supportive and actually instrumental to my beginning to love and learn more about myself.

if i never got that opportunity, i think i very well would have offed myself by now. i mean, with the stress of school and the shitty world outside mixing with the added stress of having to witness both of my brothers' attempts... its hard not to to understand at least a bit

i dont think about it often. i never have. but the way stress has been piling on since that quarantine started, blaseball was the one escape from all that stress.

and for that, im grateful. ive met so many wonderful people here.

ive touched and been touched by so many amazing pieces of art, literature, and music.

my self image wouldnt be where it is today without the support of members of the shoe thieves communities.

my art wouldnt be anywhere near the skill level it is now if i didnt become obsessed with these players.

im sad to see it go this way, dying to the same corporate scope creep that it warned against, but i understand why it had to go.

am i mad about this outcome? yes. absolutely.

but

im grateful for everything that blaseball was able to do for me.

the ending is bittersweet, but i want to say thank you.

thank you to my great friend callie who i dont even know will see this for introducing this wild game to me.

thank you to the fans who worked behind the scenes for hours to archive and record past events so people like me could get up to speed.

thank you to all the amazingly talented artists, writers, and musicians in the fanbase who have created many of the most wonderful, inspirational pieces that rarely leave my mind to this day.

thank you to all of the charleston shoe thieves fans, past and present, for cultivating one of the most diverse, welcoming, and absolutely diehard loving communities ive ever been a part of and giving me a home for when my own was too much for me.

thank you to all of blaseblr, especially my friends and mutuals, who listen to me rant endlessly about my shoe thieves blorbos that most people know nothing about.

and finally, thank you to the game band for creating this absolutely eldritch beast of a project. it changed my life for the better. it has inspired me to do things ive never considered before, and it as well as the fanbase has drastically fundamentally altered who i am as a person.

we stole shoes. we fought gods. we raised the dead. we sucked really hard. we partied until we died. and then partied more. and we won the championships.

👐🏋️‍♀️🔥🍗🐅🔱

🥧📱🛠️🥩🎸💋

🌷🌞🌮🚤🕵️‍♂️🪱

🍬🌴🗣️👟✨🦀

many teams, one league.

[zhuhongs]

hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

[silverxcristal]

I'm completely out of the loop here, what did Rebornica do?

I have tried to look for a document that contains information regardless what happened, because I just have one memory attached to fnaf that was... not great, but there were apparently many other things that happened outside of tumblr later on. There used to be a lot of documents with that info but it had been deleted, and the few i found are edited by the autors saying that they have cleared things up and are on a good light with them again, asking to not harrass and just ignore them if needed.

TW under cut for abuse manipulation gaslighting and suicide attempt

But escencially, there were claims of phycological abuse, racism, gaslighting, scamming people, and other things i dont remember clearly. Toxic behaivor in general towards people who were closer to them, and to a extension to their followers, but again most of it had been deleted or "cleared up" so I am uncertain of the current situation. Also most of this happened when they already deleted their Tumblr, or happened on other platforms where I did not follow anymore

The only "close" experience ive had and have seen with my own eyes was when they transfer their fnaf au to a friend not be associated with it anymore, allowing people to still enjoy it and make content of it but asking to not @ them anymore about it (they left the fandom due pressure and lowkey harrasment over everything they did, when you are big people try to take you down, same old story different fandom. I have to remark they were a minor at that time too so the mistakes and the pressure is mmmm [still doesnt justify the shitty actions im about to mention now])

A few months later they snapped after getting fanart of a character they have and being called Vincent rahter than Vinny (they took the guard designs and adapt them into ocs, which confuse some people who didnt knew and this happened) and begin to search in the main tag for art of their au and @ people who still drew art of it (even when they previously gave permission to keep making art), and send people to harrass them to stop, which lead to a few rebrands or deactivations and people coming directly at them to them to talk things in a more civilized way via asks and reblogs (tumblr chat didnt exist back then).

I remember it was a big discussion about "public domain" of the AU since they transfer the rights to somebody else, who later "drop" the AU and allow anybody to be free to make content out of it (from there a bunch of "insprired by reborniverse" aus pop up... including mine. Just dont claim it as yours). It all ended in a big discussion reblog thread where they threaten to kill themselves by jumping of a roof and provide photos of them about to do it

The blog wasnt updated for a few hours... then they delete everything that happened that day and act like nothing happened. This is behaivor that repeat a few times here on tumblr (the whole delete it all and act like it never happened), but there is not enough documentation (there were blogs that dedicated to reblog every single post they made for documentation for this same reason, but they are gone too)

It was so many years ago, and my memory could be failing too so apologizes

But escencially that, I cant provide more

[rosedaemon-7861]

this is a post about Slamophiliac. i wanna spend some time talking about each album, where i was mentally during its making and the people involved as well as my slices of my life. if you arent interested in that then know that Slamophiliac is as dead as Darryn Palmer or Dazz is. so are all the projects i was involved in. its all dead just like for my passion for the genre. now that the tl;dr is out of the way lets begin.

ABORTED INTO ABSOLUTE INEXISTANCE

i actually love this album still. you can hear how much i enjoyed making the album, same is true of Slam Obsessed and Spilling Entrail's debut album. this was the first thing i ever made that i was proud of, unfortunately, i only remember criticism. bassdrops too loud, bass too loud, boring, shows promise but aint there. those criticisms aside i still love that debut. i also really enjoyed working with Todd Grove and am thankful for encouraging me to take my art more seriously. its sad that we had a falling out but... that's common when your as ill as i am.

SLAM OBSESSED

i dont have much to say about this one i didnt already say about the last one. i really enjoy it despite hating it for years. i did intend it and Spilling Entrail's debut to be sister albums of a sort. the Spilling record would have a more lo-fi style and Slam Obsessed would be more modern. i utterly failed at that. this was also my debut to CDN Records who'd release all but one of the Slamophiliac albums after this one. i know i promised an 8th album Craig but its been 8 years, its not happening.

DISPLAY OF HORRIFIC PERVERSION

my dog died between this album and the last. that's really where my depression started to take hold and you can hear it on this album. the riffs got so lazy, the drums are just the same premade blast beat loops over and over. there's some melodies on this album i like but overall its just uninspired. for those around back then you probably noticed me start to self destruct and self sabotage. picking fights online for dumb reasons. for that im sorry. i was suffering and it was wrong to externalize that.

APHELION

this is the darkest part of the discography. Aphelion and its companion Perihelion were meant to be a double album. a shameless ripoff of Disfiguring the Goddess's Deprive and Black Earth Child. among my many sins as an artist is copycatting. despite my original intention, things got to be too much. i was starting to feel how stunted as a person i was. i decided this would be the last album. id put it out and then unalive myself. the story of the album is humanity desperately searching for a place in the universe and after finding nothing plunge their ship into a black hole. the music on this admittedly is a little more inspired than Display but your can still feel the agony i was feeling in it. at least i can.

SLAM OVERDOSE

this album i wrote a song at a time over the course of 3 months not really planning an album. i just wanted to make singles and play guitar. an album did come however. this is the only one to not get released by CDN. was released by Todd Grove's label and some Russian company i dont remember the name off. this is in my oppinion an okay follow up to Slam Obsessed. not great but good.

PERIHELION

at this point i was just making albums for the sake of it. between Slam Obsessed and this album so much shit had happened. my dog dying, two family members dying, my mom having her first heart attack. not to mention being a closet case so deep in he'd met Azlan. anyway, i just made the most angry shit i could. got a guest vocalist on each song just for marketing. i really want to stress that by this point in the discography the passion was already gone and frankly i would have ended myself if i wasnt such a coward.

SLAM REHAB

kinna fitting for the final album innit? Slam Rehab is just two splits that fell through that i squished together. there's some fun stuff on it but its just more of the same. boring, passionless riffs trying so hard to emulate my favorite bands from a decade prior. its frankly embarrassing that i continued on doing this again and again. truly im sorry i couldnt make better music for all of you.

POST-REHAB

i made a bit of music here and there after Rehab came out, some of it neat like Laparotomy, some of it shit. i got my first actual job in 2019 at 25. yes im basically 10 years behind. i may have been in my early 20s when i was Slamophiliac but mentally i was maybe 15. trauma and a hostile home will do that.

i pretty much dedicated myself to this shitty gas station job. my mental and physical health further declined. i eventually tried to die again May of 2022, at this point i was 27. id never had a romantic relationship, never had any kind of sexual experience that was consentual, i worked a shitty job that was killing me, i was still deep in the closet and living with my abusers.

thankfully i must have had an angel looking out for me cause a dear friend across all those years messaged me and talked me down. i made a promise to him that i would figure it out. id become the best version of myself i could be, id escape the hell i was living.

i would start enbracing my queerness and go on my journey of self discovery, including gender. i met so many amazing people including my now wife. i found religion. fast forward to now, as of writing, i live with my wife in a small college town far away from my abusers. im able to embrace who i am completely.

CONCLUSION

so that's really what it is. i have a different life now. im enjoying what i have and while i have hard days as i unpack my trauma and learn how to move on, i genuinely enjoy my life now. Slamophiliac and being a musician just dont have a place in that. this music is a constant reminder of who i use to be and i cant. im sorry.

i still wanna use this tumblr to talk about music i like cause i am still a fan. i was always a fan really. i also dont regret any of the friendships i made along the way. i wont be easily contacted unless you use this platform cause well, facebook is a cesspit of transphobia and i dont need that either.

it was a fun 10 years but its over yall. please go listen to better artists. ♥︎

[vveakfish]

re: tags on lrb

thinking abt the journey and a half my DC hyperfixation has been.

I was a DCAU only girlie for so long. (BTAS, Batman Beyond, Teen Titans, YJtv, GLtv). I enjoyed the DCEU too, but i was WAY too wrapped up in MCU brain-rot to dive too deeply into those. But that was it. Zero interest in comics themselves as a lil squirt.

Eventually I stopped caring abt the DCEU entirely. (around WW’84, tho it had nothing to do with that movie, i just never saw it — and didnt see any of the movies that came after). And got WAY into Marvel™. And i kinda just rode that wave.

When Marvel started branching out into shows i was HYPED — esp since they started that shit off with WandVision. I’d always loved Wanda, and the fact that they brought Billy and Tommy in was all i needed to push me into reading comics

i tore through the young avengers (UGH i miss them <;/3), and other titles associated with them, and was having a blast. At some point around the season finale of Loki (good show, this was just also how the cookie crumbled) I just fell off Marvel in general. A lot of this probably had to do with school ramping up around this time — but i stopped reading comics & watching their shows and movies almost entirely.

Around this time tho, bc i Missed reading comics — i started reading webcomics. And as much as i enjoyed reading Marvel comics for that short period of time, webcomics were what made me fall in love with Comics™ as a medium.

6th semester ended, i was elbows deep in world building for my own webcomic project, and started watching anime while working on it. Again, anime was always one of those things i enjoyed (Digimon, Sailor Moon, and Pokémon were some of the most influential pieces of media in my entire childhood), but my love for it as an art form was really solidified during this time

[side note: can you Tell i was dealing with art school shit during all of this? couldn’t turn the critique brain off literally Ever, so anything i enjoyed got put under the art student lens]

But my interest in anime stayed entirely on the animated side of things for a Long Ass Time. It wasn’t until Jujutsu Kaisen that i got shoved headlong into manga. God that stupid fucking anime changed my life, ANYWAY.

I finished the anime (umm maybe like. 5 times), and then HAD to know what happened next. So i devoured the manga. Every spare moment i had was spent reading it, until i was Done. then i was like orz. what do u do now ??

The answer was do the exact same thing with Demon Slayer. which was ALSO a life changing experience. read 鬼滅の刃 pls pls pls

Now. When i finished KNY, i was also like *head in hands* how do i even keep on living?? But this was also while working on my thesis project, and still doing a lot of work on the side as far as my own comic was concerned. (like… 60k words worth of world building & drafting scripts + designing characters), so its not like i had all that much free time.

anyway — i finished up my 8th semester, and barely gave myself a chance to breathe before i threw myself into working on my comic practically full time.

I was working on a one shot to submit to a contest for Webtoon, and they were asking for a pretty substantial amount of content (60+ panel Action comic one shot. and I, as always, love to make things harder on myself, so i think in one of the later drafts it ended up having over 100 panels).

needless to say, i Did Not finish the oneshot in time (its still not done to this day T~T i’ll come back for you forge, dont worry). But, toward the end of that… 3 month span of feverishly working on this project, i found myself falling in love with DC all over again.

I mentioned YJtv before, but that show was Also something that changed my life as a 10 year old.

(its really funny to think about that show now & how it’s release date lines up with the beginning of the N52 continuity, and how both the show & that particular reboot are so strongly disliked by a vast majority of DC’s fanbase — but thats a post for another day)

I’ve rewatched the show at least once a year since my roommate let me start using their HBOMax login. I know seasons 1 and 2 like the back of my hand bc of how much i watched them growing up, and i like season three well enough. But the thing was that on this unsuspecting summer night, i was about to discover that there were New Episodes.

Dude i was hyped, i was losing my shit. I had resigned myself to the knowledge that this show was never coming back. I was okay with it too. But here it was, alive and kicking after what felt like forever.

Heres the thing tho. They killed off Kon.

okay not really, but at the Time boy boy was Dead, and i was devastated. Thats My Boy. He had been my favorite character from the jump, and i did not know how to process him being gone. So i took a break from the show, and turned to ao3 instead.

At this point i was Not an avid fic reader. I wasn’t an avid reader period – outside of manga – but i had read a few really good fics recommended to my by some of my JJK pals. So i looked at the Kon-El | Conner Kent character tag on ao3 and just scrolled until i found something interesting.

In this case: a Timkon fic (this one in particular).

I knew who Tim was before this (He shows up in YJtv. He's there in BTAS), but I had never thought about him and Kon as... anything really. In the versions of them i was familiar with, they don't interact all that much. They're from different generations of heroes, but i was like, hey, what the hell this sounds cute. And man oh man, it was all down hill from there.

I read more TimKon fic, and just fell in love with them. But i was also... confused. Like... why do these two guys have such a robust fanbase... wheres the link.

THAT is what pushed me to start reading Detective Comics Comics for the first time. I wanted to get to know these guys For Real, and the only way to do that was by digging into the source material.

This post is So long oh shit. I have thoughts about How I got to know the kiddos & how the comics i read (as well as the order i read them in) have influenced my understandings of these little guys. But i think thats a post for another day. I have other things to do than write out a post about my media consumption habits

o7 signing off.

[kninedlog]

Since my own art is trash credit goes to this person for the best interpretation creatable:

The picrew itself: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/257476

OC #2 : Reese Andrews

The beginning | Previous | Next

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-born in a simple family and wealth Resse had grown to have the same interest as her father. Severely so even. When she was younger she would make little things that would waddle around and make little sounds just for fun, just to keep herself entertained and focused away from slowly dying love her parents had for eachother.

- A little brother. At the age of 3 Reese's little brother was born. She was elated to no longer be alone, but she knew the real reason for his birth.

- Her parents thought the prospects of another baby would fix things. Rekindle a dying flame. They would give them a chance to restart what they couldn't with Reese. A hurtful realization for the girl but a true one nonetheless.

- Reese was spoiled, very spoiled. Most of their saved wealth from their old faz-life went to her when she planned and birthed and because of all the things she had, a personal babysitter, all the toys she could ever want she didnt really need a connection towards her parents.

- Obviously at the time it seemed like a perfect idea. The two adults wanted to still indulge in their personal hobbies and pressure a career without dealing with a the burdens of a child upon them; while still saying they had a child to work and do what their doing all of this for. This led Reese to become very self efficient at the age of 3, due to her increasingly amazing intelligence there wasnt much adults could do for her. She raised herself and her brother all on her own free will, the only thing her babysitter was good for was physical protection when the parents were gone and out their lavish house. However, they took would be inefficient and discarded.

- Still very self aware and smart at age three; Reese and her mother's relationship started to decline faster and faster as the days went on. Ms. Andrews stated to loose herself for an abundant amount of reasons. But none can compare to the blame she pins on her own daughter. A blame that Reese could never truly understand till this day. One Ms. Andrews lost her job and became a stay at home mother (Mr. Andrews now working as a drive around technician.) And her little pick-me-up hobby stopped giving her joy she turned to substances that made her more aggressive more violent and more dependent than ever on her baby boys affection.

- Reese got the blunt force of all the violence and hate. For reasons that were explained to her but she just couldn't understand. She could understand however that her mother was starting to loose it, and as a result for feeling more like a mother to her brother than her own ever could, she did everything in her power to keep her mother and baby brother seperated. Albeit only months old, waddling around and babbling to try and talk, her little brother was also gifted with an incredible increase of intelligence. As his big sister would help him, he would do anything to help her.

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- Every day in that house when their father was gone was like a warzone. Having to tiptoe around and do things ultra silent to not awake the monster that roamed the halls alongside them. Reese, understanding just how much more complicated life would get if her father found out about the abuse kept silent about it for a whole year.

- That was until one day Mr. Andres came home to a horrifying scene before him revolving around his four years old daughter, one years old son and his livid to beyond control wife.

- That did it. That was the last straw, the cut that broke the thread. He threw her out the house and kept the kids safe in a closet as he waited for the police to arrive and once they did Reese quickly explained everything to the shocked officer before her father could be falsely accused by the woman's deception. She was taken away, trials would be held for her crimes as well as a legal divorce.

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- She tried to still combat for custody but there was no point she would never be able to see her kids again, and spiraling into a madness that only grew since the miscarriage, she lost it.

- Staying at home now, having to let go of his job, only barely getting by money wise through small government checks and stamps, Mr. Andrews became a stay at home dad to take care of his son before he start school like his sister. Every day she wasn't home he would take his son with him to the garage where his gift to them resided and as his son watched on in awe at his father work away on this gift he put his blood sweat tears and all emotions he's ever felt into the creation of this thing. Especially the love he has for his strong minded and strong willed children.

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- Money became extremely tight now, tight to a degree where Mr. Andrews had to sadly ask his daughter to try and see if she can do chores at others houses for some spare change. Cut some grass, shovel snow in the winter, walk the dog, clean the house when their gone. She agreed and got right to it, helping then some but it wasn't enough,

- At 6 years old the lavish house Reese had grown up in had soon been taken from her family and they were briefly homeless for a couple of nights. That was until, a house listing came around to Mr. Andrews that he just couldn't simply turn down. It was big, it was grand, but it was decrepit and breaking apart at the seams. For only 100 dollars this almost entirely boarded up house could be the Andrews. Not 100 dollars to rent, 100 dollars to buy.

- There was a catch though. The reason Mr. Andrews was able to find this house was becuase of an old work friend he tried to seperate his life from. Henry Emily. He found the Andrews after some digging and they came across his radar after the trial for Mrs. Andrews went public as well as the announcement of her self inflicted death behind bars.

- He approached mr. Address with a propersition that would not only return the Andrews back to their wealth and glory but also give him a job and support his kids. He told his old work partner that he remembered the amazing intelligence and engineering that Andrews possessed and asked for his help in a final attempt to make Freddy's known again. He hesitantingly accepted, with only one exception. If Henry tells him, everything the whole story and why he needed to be apart of it, and to promise that his family would be out of it for good from this point on.

- Henery agreed and explained himself. Explained the story of the Afton's, explained why he needed to do this, explained why Andrews was needed for him to finish the job. Henry was a genius, an impeccable one at that. But there was no way in hell he would be able to do this alone. He needed help from someone he knew he could rely on, someone still young enough to create new things and appeal to the mondern audiences fast. Someone who he can give the motivations to create new versions of the animatronics they both used to love with all their heart. As well as somone to help him make a certain gaggle of animatronics and souls a perfect coffin.

- Once finally caught up on all the mess, Andrews could get behind the need to end it all. So help he did with the creation of the newly rebranded Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A prison made for the wicked. A prison ment to lure and trap and end the walks of the beings that should have ended long ago.

- he helped by designing building and creating the Rockstar Animatronics beside Henry, using their newly hired manager and tester Mike along with Andrews own children to see if they would appeal to all ages, this was Reese and her little brother now 8 years old's first experience with the Fazbear name.

- as her father went in every day for his shift, his specific job being the same as it always was, keeping the animatronics and the entertainment fun, clean and safe, Reese on certain days had no other choice but to take her and her brother to this playground after school. The job wasn't that far from home, a single taxi drive took ten to twenty minutes; and that's with no traffic. But despite that, Reese and her little brother loved this place. It was nostalgic it was joyful, all the other kids and young parents who knew of the companies history but still had fond memories of their childhood wanted their children to experience it too.

- Here is were Reese met her first ever friend, Conner. Conner McAdder.  Mr. McAdder was Reese's father's co worker; a security guard. One of the only two that inhabited the whole place. He and Andrews have known each other since the renovated Pizzeria and the Toy animatronics were made. They worked alongside each other then and they were happy to see familiar faces now.

- when their children all got along pretty well, McAdder opened up the idea of leaving the youngest with his oldest when Reese and Mr. Andrews weren't home. McAdder had three kids, Conner was his middle child and his eldest had a little babysitting gig he operated after school hours. Andrews was reluctant but passive to the idea. Albeit he was a tad worried at times that Reese promptly denied the offer to stay home and instead be with him. Despite her father's odd resilience against it, she didn't let that deter her from watching him take care of the animatronics and machines here, as well as have a good time after school with Conner everyday.

- Conner stayed with his father after school because he wanted to learn from him. Be a security guard himself one day. Reese decided to copy and sty to learn from her father. Maybe with her inherited talent and brains she'll.be able to make a stable living in the future too.

- but then, the chases happened. While being around her father and experiencing the pizziera he appeared. Who is he, well Reese never knew. But it was this weirdo that worked there, another security guard who took over McAdder's shifts when he didn't show and who also had the afternoon till night in tandem with Mr. McAdder. He would stalk and chase Reese and Conner every night. Scarring the two horribly. He had this horrible grin and this creepy call and bribes he tried to use to get them to come out, but they didn't trust him. He was weird. The kids could tell that he wanted to hurt them.

- he'd chase them all the way to pirates cove every night but once the kids got to the safe haven that was the back of the sidestage, the creepy man would stop and turn back. Because they had protection on the form of Rockstar Foxy.

-Rockstar Foxy and the other Rockstar Animatronics were made down to the code by Henry and Andrews, Henry had one feature added the same criminal database function the toy animatronics had. But Andrews added another that would completely change the way the Fazbear Animatronics would be made forever.

- A full database of files made for every single worker, customer, and animatronic in the facility filled with governmental levels of details. As well as multiple studies of body language, emotions, and feelings. Andrews added this so that Henery little criminal database would be not only successful but also make the harmless Rockstar Animatronics the perfect ultra security. The Animatronics would be able to spot not only a predator and possible threat but the also spot the mannerisms of someone who is lying, who is in distress, wjo is telling the truth. Understand the emotions of a child from a grown ups perspective. Being able to protect and care for the children whenever parents turned a blind eye for even a second.

- this made Reese and Conner very comfortable with the Rockstar Animatronics. Not with any of the others they had stored in the back limply laying there collecting dust. The rockstar would play with the children and then, they would make them feel seen and safe. Especially Foxy. He was again as always shoved to the side stage as the other three had the main, but when they weren't doing their huge performance for the afternoon and the night; the new pirates cover would always be sadly empty.

- When Rockstar Foxy got the chance to protect Reese and Conner the first time, scarring off the perpetrator in the shadows the robot expected the children to leave him be. But instead they stayed until their fathers found them to take them home. They stayed and played, sang songs, and danced together. Reese made another friend and for some reason even though she knew it was programed this way and the love and care wasn't real, it felt real to her.

- It wasn't long, only a few months in till her and her father stopped showing up to work. Same with Conner and his father and the rest of the employees. Reese asked her father what happened but he didn't give an answer she was hoping for. She asked if the animatronics that were there that she liked, if the Rockstars would be okay? He told her he didn't know. But also told her to believe what she wanted.

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- Soon the house they lived in that was once broken down and ruined was now referbushed and fresh. Thanks to her father's job there and for doing the one thing Andrews thought he'd never do. He sold the parts and blueprints of his gift to his kids away to Henery for a little extra cash. Fully aware that his gift and all it's schematics and blueprints, only built up to an endo skeleton would be burnt to a crisp like his former boss.

- As the years passed the Andrews were shocked and surprised to still see the Fazbear Animatronics be used but now themed and customized for certain events and things. Whoever was capitalizing on this wasn't subtle about them wanting money for something bigger. When Reese turned 9 Reese, her little brother; now 6 years old, and her father were stunned and amazed to see and to hear about the Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizza Plex.

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- she was enamoured at the idea, at first.  She kinda wanted to work there in the future, just to get some extra cash, even though her family was still loaded thanks to her father making a sacrifice she didn't ask for, it would be some good life experience. Then she started to hear rumors about kids going missing. A new killer on the loose. But those were just rumors, right? Plus they all said they were happening nearby the Plex not exactly at the place. Was she really.gomna believe that? Nah it's just speculation.

- at 11 Reese started to make some pretty odd choices. The mind of a preteen and all making stupid choices for stupid reasons.

- one of those reasons wasn't that stupid. Sure her family was loaded, but they weren't "rich" just high class. Not enough to pay for her little brothers hospital bills when he was attacked one night by a random figure. Reese shoo'ed the attacker away and her father called the cops but her little brother, now 8 was injured. Not severely but lingers of the attack would stay with him. It wouldn't have happened if Reese wasn't so emotional.

- in the midst of her making this money, selling contraband to other teens and young adults illegally she got into a confrontation once that was really bad, almost dying in the process the adult only took her finger instead. Her right pinky. That's when her father found out, she couldn't hide a lost finger forever and all the money she made from the effort, were still used for her brother but since she made so much she used it for herself as well. Getting an almost unrecognizable prosthetic pinky as a result.

- She found out last year about the deal her father made to Henry, selling the gift he promised her all those years ago for profit. Andrews found out she knew about that same day of confrontation too and all drama exploded when Reese in a fit of anger and wanting to be alone left her brother out on the front lawn by himself to play with some friends in the dark while her father worked his at home desk job; Back at accounting, too busy to watch him himself.

- Since they didn't have enough money to pay for his bills off rip, they had to do it in chunks. Reese was looking for any opportunity to make more money to help out, and sadly ran into some thugs at her school who would gladly use her and pay her for her effort.

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- She was grounded this entire year. Unable to hang out with Conner who she's gotten even closer with, or do anything of the sort other than go to school and come right back home.

- Nothing really big happened when she was twelve,

- Is what she would tell people she didn't know well

- When her father was gone to his jobs company building for meetings or to discuss things with his accounting job and her little brother was over McAdders to play with friends from school and Conner little sister as that was the only place he was allowed to go to from now on, Reese would be left home alone from time to time.

- While being alone she always felt like something or someone was watching her.

- Watching her deeply. Closely. She didn't like this and one day she decided to trick this unknown pair of eyes just to see if she was loosing her mind or if she was really be watched from the shadow outside her home. Unexpected she caught this stalker starring at her through her bedroom window once and watched as this freak disappeared into the bushes snd then gone from sight. She told this information to her father but he didn't believe her, thinking she was just making things up to try and leave the house again.

- She swore up and down but he just wouldn't believe her.

- Her little brother did though when she gave the description to her dad, he told Reese that the man that attacked him looked like her stalker, and that when he was attacking her he heard the man demanding he tells where Reese was. That left her and her family now with a mystery on thier hands.

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- Now free from the punishment. Reese was looking for work to keep herself busy, Conner had recently gotten a job which lrft her more alone again than before. And yes althought their family was still high class economically, she wanted to help keep them floating above the surface of water.

- looking for anything tame, she found an ad on the internet once for the Pizza Plex. A simple "we're hiring" internet ad. She clicked it expecting it to be hidden malware or something but it took her to the Internet page of the mall. She looked through the options to choose from. To waitress, to cleaning staff, to day guards, to ticket vendors, there were so many options. Until she came across one that caught her eye.

- To become a daycare assistant.

[blackvahana]

Yeah alright

So... Ive made it abundantly clear I have been having big issues with angel and demon stuff in recent years. I was demonkin in 2016 and then a few years later picked up angelkin.... havent touched it in like 4 years. I do stand by what ive said about how those are basically solely christian terms given other cultures that "have" them technically have their own terms for conceptions similar to how we view angels/demons - and its definitely true that angel and demon as words extend past christianity but its such a christian term that if you say "jewish angels" most people are going to subconsciously imagine christian conceptions of angels with something that makes them suddenly jewish... if they even add that last bit. The terms are used to translate other similar concepts and carry christian connotations. I dont give a shit about christianity beyond liking catholic aesthetics lmfao. Insert wide-eyed witch child seeing european catholic worship spaces for the first time

I cannot hide the fact that demon and angel... were foundational, beginning identities for me for a reason. Just because I didnt understand the context and so labelled it as demon and angel, doesnt mean what i was was incorrect and catholic lmfao

Look. Tempest.

Beginning design (i always just start with a relatively solid base design for an oc then change them over time, i dont make solid designs for ocs):

Old sky god, grumpy as fuck and pompous and - Im fucking realising this last week thats been me for the first time ever. if not ever then years. ive been extremely Get Out Of My Face - Tempest was Like That lmfao but it was a fictional extrapolation...... alright. more proof this is just an expression of dragon me, which is what im getting at.

evolving further, getting closer and closer to accurate expression his base resonance, still feeling him out:

I'm struggling so hard to talk lmfao I am so aggressive atm

But there's.... This is the rough idea of Tempest but like

me looking at him created 6 years 2 months ago going "i feel like thats relevant"

6 and 2 messages. yeah. This is an echoing of something I am... in the way that Tempest is a bit of a simplified-for-art form.

Hoards of black crow wings, burning light, multiple faces, weird faces, many limbs, gilded in gold - never fucking noticed that Tempest has a halo. I was wondering the other night, I think last night why i never express with a halo and yeah im so sick of angel imagery but like. fact of the fucking matter is no matter how hard i chase that out of me..............

This form isnt going to look like this. I - yeah. remembering this piece - lmfao hold on. why am i getting multiple pieces in my personal divinity board. how long have i been ignoring looking like this

Scrap that whole last section. Dont care to find and then find sources for art. But anyway..... Im going to have to stop ignoring what the fuck I look like. Most of my goddamn sonas have been feeling out parts of me and theyre all many-handed, many winged, crow-esque dragons or other types of dragon or weird fucked up Beasts lmfao

scrapped a bunch of this post.

I need to go deep and unlock some things and then become the Cathedral. will fucking do. I see feathers with stained glass imagery thats only visible in the light like the gold in my black hair irl is. ill take it. asunder come play minecraft pspsps

We all knew what I was trying to squeeze into Tempest was going to become an astral form right? Right? Just me? ... that didnt know?