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hotchnersbiitch · 4 years ago

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Hands of Another

A/N: I’m absolutely in love with this request. I hope you guys are too!! Buckle up my friends, its a long one.

Request: @jojosgirlkat1dluvr

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Reader

Category: Angst and fluff

Warning: kidnaping, violence, cursing

Word count: 2,003 ~ 8min

“Good morning good lookin,” Derek says cheekily as you walk into the bullpen, you chuckle as you make your way to your desk, Derek close on your tail.

“Good morning Derek,” you say with a sweet smile setting your bag down on your desk before flattening down your blouse.

“I need everyone in the briefing room, we got a case.” Your boss Aaron Hotchner says sternly as he walks into the meeting room.

“I’ll see ya in there sweet thing,” Derek says with a smile before turning to head to the briefing room, classic Derek you thought to your self. You would never admit it out loud but you had the biggest crush on your coworker and close friend Derek Morgan. You knew better than to think that you had a chance with him, you were nothing like the other girls he has dated in the past. There’s no way in hell he’d ever look at you as anything more than friends. You walk into the briefing room sitting next to Spencer.

“Hey, Spence.” You say as you sit down patting his back.

“Hi Y/N.,” he says with a smile as he hands you the case file. When you open it you couldn't help but cringe. You knew this was going to be a tough one.

“Our unsub is abducting women in St. Louis Missouri, between the ages of 20 and 30, he tortures them before killing them by strangulation. He’s dumping the bodies behind local hospitals.” Hotch says explaining the case to his team.

“It’s almost like he’s feeling remorse by dumping them outside the hospital,” Emily states looking at the crime scene photos.

“How would that show remorse, they are already dead the hospital can’t do anything,” Derek says.

“He thinks that by dumping them at the hospital gives them a ‘chance’ to be saved. He is clearly feeling remorseful after the fact.” You state before Spencer joins in.

“It is not unusual for unsubs to drop their dead or nearly dead victims outside of healthcare faculties, it makes them feel less guilty by thinking that they are going to be able to be saved making the unsub feel like he’s almost doing the right thing.” Spencer elaborates and you nod in agreement.

“Either way we have a killer on our hands and we need to hurry before he kills again. Wheels up in thirty.” Hotch says before walking out of the room.

“Let's go catch this guy team.” You say before heading to your desk to get your go-bag and head to the plane.

When the plane lands in St. Louis you and the team head straight to the police station to get to work, the whole team knew there wasn't much time until he strikes again. There wasn’t much done besides addressing the profile and checking out the crime scenes.

“This guy is good Hotch.” You say standing next to him as you both survey the scene.

“Yeah, but we’re better. We better head to the hotel, there's not much we can do, and we're running out of daylight.” Hotch says in his signature authoritarian voice.

“I’m going to stay behind and look around some more, we are missing something, I just know it.” You say, your boss lets out a sigh before nodding, he knew better than to argue with you. You were just so passionate about every case, you could never sleep on a case until it was solved. Hotch gathered the team, before everyone left Derek came up to you.

“You comin’?” Derek asks placing a hand on your shoulder, you could almost feel yourself physically melt under his touch.

“No, I told Hotch I’m going to stay behind and look around some more. There's something here we're missing, I’m going to find it.” You say and Derek chuckles, shaking his head.

“I know you will, you're good at what you do. Be careful, call me when you get to the hotel okay?” You smile a soft blush forming on your cheeks at his sweetness.

“Of course,” you say before Derek walks off and your team heads to the hotel for the night, leaving you alone with the other officers that were still cleaning up the scene. You walk around the scene surveying different areas behind the hospital. By the time you made it to the other side of the building the cops were gone, they offered to wait but you insisted they went, you had your gun and your SUV was only a few yards away. Besides, you weren't afraid of this guy you knew he was a coward.

You walk up to a dumpster, you don't remember you or anyone else checking it out earlier you went to step up to look into it when you felt something cold press your back.

It was a barrel of a gun.

You closed your eyes knowing exactly who it was, your unsub.

“T-take your gun out and put it in the dumpster. N-now!” the man demanded, you knew better than to argue with him.

“Alright, alright,” you mutter as you slowly pull the gun out of your holster before reaching up and dropping it into the dumpster.

“I’m going to l-lead you to my car, you scream or try to run your d-dead.” the man stammers out, he was nervous you figured he would be, this isn't what he's used to. He’s becoming bolder you knew he would kill you if you resisted him. He pushes you to the car jabbing the gun into your back to hurry you up. Once your in the back seat he pistol whips you, then everything went dark.

Back at the hotel, Derek was waiting for you to call or at least text him to let him know you made it to the hotel. It wasn't unusual for you to stay behind at a scene, you always felt like you could see things clearer when you were alone. And most of the time it did work, you'd discover something you missed before, it was almost like a sixth sense to you. Derek nervous about your whereabouts got up and went to Hotch’s room knocking on the door, he promptly answered looking tired as always.

“Did Y/N come and get her hotel key from you? She hasn't texted me she's here yet so I didn't know if she got her key and maybe fell asleep forgetting to let me know or something.” Morgan explained, Aaron could tell he was worried.

“No, she did not. Call her.” Hotchner ordered feeling much more alert now at the fact he didn't know where one of his agents was.

“Straight to voicemail Hotch, this isn't like her,” Derek said running his hands over his head.

“Gather the team...now!”

You woke to ice-cold water being poured over you, you gasped and quickly sat up shocked. You looked up and saw the unsub standing over you, an evil smile on his face. Out of nowhere, he yanks you up by your hair, you yelped in pain, you tried to fight back but to no avail. Your hands and feet were bound, the man laughed before dropping you on the floor, you take in a deep breath, you didn't want to fall apart in front of the man. You didn't want him to know you were scared and make him feel powerful.

“My team is going to find you!” You yell but only to be silenced by being kicked in the face, you could taste the blood in your nose and mouth.

“No they won’t, you're all too stupid to find me. I sat there and watched you all search the scene and no one even noticed me. You'll end up just like the rest of them.” He says that evil smirk still plastered on his face.

“Fuck. You.” You state looking him dead in the eyes, his face filled with pure rage at your words. He immediately started beating you, kicking you in the stomach and back repeatedly, stomping on your head, punching you in the face. You tried to take it for as long as you could but the pain was becoming too much, tears started running down your face, mixing with your blood. The man smiled grabbing you by your face making you look at him.

“Not so tough now huh? Bitch.” he said before spitting in your face and kicking you in the head, you were out like a light.

You were awakened again, but this time by the man's hands around your throat. You panicked, this was it, you were going to die. You didn't know how long you were out or how long you have been here. Hours? Days? Weeks? You had no idea, all you knew you were scared and wanted out, you tried to squirm under him but he only tightened his grip on your throat. So tight you could feel your trachea being crushed under his grip, you felt like you were about to pass out.

“FBI! Step away from her!” You instantly recognized Aaron's voice, thank god. Your relief was cut short when the man ripped you off the floor and put a blade against your throat. You were gasping for breath your eyes wide as you stared at the wonderful team before you, they were your family, you didn't want to die in front of them.

“Let her go!” Emily yelled stepping closer to you and the unsub, bad move. The man pressed the knife harder against your throat, he was about to drag it across your neck before gunshots rang out and you fell to the floor again. Derek rushed to your side cutting off the rope that was keeping you bound together, you were still gasping for breath from almost being strangled.

“MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC IN HERE NOW!” Derek hollered before looking down at your battered face.

“You're okay pretty girl, you're gonna be okay.” He said tears stung in his eyes, you started crying clinging to him as EMTs rushed to your side loading you on to the stretcher.

“Morgan you ride with Y/L/N and we will meet you at the hospital,” Prentiss instructed and he nods running after you, getting into the back of the ambulance with you. Derek held on to your hand as the EMTs addressed your less serious wounds and hooked you up to a morphine drip.

“I knew you guys would find me.” You say your throat feeling incredibly sore, Derek nods kissing your knuckles, you blushed but you didn't care you were in pain.

“I wouldn't ever leave until we did. I promise to make sure you're never hurt at the hands of another again. I promise.” Derek says tearing up, you were honestly quite shocked at his reaction.

“Derek, why are you so worked up. It is okay, I’m okay. They got me hooked up to drugs, I feel better already.” You say with a small chuckle trying to lighten the mood but Derek didn't budge.

“No Y/N I’m serious. I love you so much and I’ve been too much of a coward to admit it to you. Then he took you and I was so worried I was never going to be able to tell you how I really felt.” He says tears now streaming down it his cheeks, you were flabbergasted at his confession, you started crying too squeezing his hand that was still holding on to yours.

“I love you too Derek. I’ve been afraid to admit my feelings also.” You say softly and Derek smiles kissing your hand.

“I’m going to protect you, I'll never let anything like that happen to you again. I promise.” He says standing up in the ambulance and placing a soft kiss on your busted lip before sitting back down. You just smiled at him, you knew he would. At that moment you knew that Derek would love and protect you to the best of his ability, and you promised to do the same for him.

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plounce · 4 years ago

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what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

#cats the musical #mr mistoffelees #rum tum tugger #demeter cats #bombalurina #tuggoffelees #demelurina #chirps #bird in the hand

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garyrennell · 5 years ago

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I’M TAKING A BREAK.

hello, guys. some of you might’ve noticed that i’ve not been active in this site as much as i was before, with this being caused by the pandemic since almost my entire time and energy has been directed to my healthcare career and working in hospitals. ever since then, i’ve been torn between having so so many projects and not having time to finish them. i’ve put lots of effort into trying to post at least once a week and to try to participate in the community, but time has always been an issue, so don’t think i was ignoring you guys or anything like that🥺 still, this isn’t the exact reason why i’m posting this, this intro is just to give you guys some context, with it being basically me just not being here, as i always say.

so, days ago i got a message from my home country, in which i won’t get into details but it informed me about the passing away of a friend of mine. needless to say, it has affected me massively in all aspects, and my blogs are no exception. the main thing is that i started this tumblr journey with her back in 2012; we created our main blogs together, we learned how to edit together and all that tumblr stuff. i’ve always associated this site with her ofc and since she’s been gone, i haven’t even been able to log in without thinking about her, less edit or put on a new post. it may sound weird, but even whenever i see my dashboard i get a sense of emptiness. i’m afraid that maybe i’ll never be able to be here without getting sad and just being reminded that she’s no longer with me. so, this summed to my time issue has made me take the decision to turn my semi-hiatus into a permanent hiatus, for as long as it takes me to heal from this. i’ll keep all of my blogs intact nonetheless, for when i come back. besides, i will still be updating both of my fics because they’re a major part of my happiness right now and take my mind out of bad things.

so yeah, i don’t want to wrap this up with me being all sad and wanting you to pity me, because that’s not what i want at all. this is basically me just letting you guys know why i’ll be gone because i don’t want you to think that i don’t want to hang out anymore, that i’m not seeing posts on purpose or that i’m not supporting you anymore, no way.

i’m finishing this up on a lighter note, by ofc thanking all of my pals in here, all of the beautiful people i’ve met and to all of the people who have supported this blog💕 i’m so so sad to be leaving just when the fandom is coming to life and we’re getting more content, new creators and characters, and everything is just amazing. there’s so many projects i wanted to finish, with my most recent one wanting to make edits of all of you guys’ MCs just like i did at the beginning of this year, but sadly i won’t be able to, or at least not in a while. anyway, i think that my mission has been almost accomplished, with it being to help a bit on having some of you thirsting those gorgeous pixel men and women for months haha💕

i’ll also leave a few links here of leukemia charities, so maybe you can consider to donate, because your money could be so helpful in keeping people like my friend Dani a little longer in this world. so yeah, goodbye for now and i wish you all the best of luck in this fandom✨✨

Leukemia Net: [here]

Donate to LLS: [here]

Donate to Leukemia UK: [here]

#yes this is long as everything i write #i hope you remember me for that haha #i’ll keep writing so no worries about that #take care people #last update #for now

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flyonthewallmedstudent · 5 years ago

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The work life balance: Maternity Leave (Diary Entry/Long Post)

It’s a huge blur looking back from pregnancy to date, with kiddo being 4 months now. I ended up extending mat leave. I’m now (kinda) determined to start blogging about one of the biggest questions asked about medical training - is there work life balance and what is it like?

Going to start with the topic of maternity leave. (This will be a personal view - so would love see what other parents in healthcare (or any profession) think about it and what their experiences have been)

A huge eye opener for me was actually watching netflix series: Sex Explained and Explained episode on women (which can be seen here for free). The gender pay gap in our generation is explained incredibly well - and boils down to women taking time off to be primary caregivers for children. I recommend watching those episodes as they’re fun, short and simply but smartly explained.

Image source: https://thenewdaily.com.au/finance/finance-news/2020/01/31/gender-pay-gap-new-low/

Okay. So. Maternity leave is paid parental leave usually given to the primary caregiver. Only one country in the western world that I’m aware of gives significant paternal and maternal leave - Iceland. Everywhere else, only the primary caregiver gets extended parental leave from 3 months up to a year (pay is less if you go beyond 3 months). Most of the time, mom’s are the primary caregivers, whether due to cultural norms or the fact that breastfeeding requires the mom be there most of the time.

The other parent generally get 1 week to 2 weeks off from the day the kid is delivered. That’s it. Everyone’s reaction to this has been what-in-the-hell. This was devastating for me and my other half - as I needed his support and he would be missing out so much of our baby’s life.

It also sets us up nicely for the gap to begin, if you watch the netflix series. We both graduate from medical school the same year, but as I take off necessary time from training, he won’t. (Is it stressful being alone with an infant while your other half works full time? Absolutely. It wasn’t as terrifying as I anticipated, it’s doable, but it’s really hard while you and the baby adjust to being alone).

Image source: Cleveland clinic - also has great parenting advice.

That said, there are friends of me where the parents alternate taking time off, the mom starts off in the first year of life. The Dads often take the 2nd year off. This applies to also medical couples that we know. (If they both have exams, the mom delays her exams one year, the Dad finishes his, then take time off for her to do hers. This is easier said than done, particularly if there’s 2 small kids involved).

With approaching mat leave with hospital administration, after I found out we were pregnant I wasn’t sure how workforce/admin would react. So, the first thing I did was contact a work colleague who recently had a baby (we were working together while she was pregnant). I asked her how she approached it.

Generally, you have to have worked within a health service for a year to be entitled to parental leave - that is to say, they cannot fire you and you’re able to retain your job when you return.

Many people I know take a minimum of 6 months off (less pay than 3 months) and a year.

While I was pregnant this seemed a long time. Surely I wouldn’t need that much time? Even workforce (they all have small kids) said that I too, will want those 6 months if not a year. They recommended I chat to the other moms in my program.

They said the same, they thought they’d only need 3 months off (we’re all eager to finish training as women without kids) but were encouraged to start with 6 months. In the end, post kid - they all felt that returning to work after 6 months was too soon, and ended up taking 9 to 12 months. The more senior doctors also suggested a year off. Even my obstetrician (a mom of 4) kept asking if I ever considered a year off. The idea that you don’t want to miss out time with them. From studying paeds in med school, we know full well that those initial years of development are so vital to setting up a foundation for the rest of their lives.

What everyone consistently said was that work will always be there. Time with your children at a young age won’t be.

The flip side to this is that not all women necessarily will want to be away from work that long. I thought I would be in that category.

Post for another day - but your whole brain gets reprogrammed once you become a parent, particularly, a primary caregiver (whether mom or dad). I’ve had friends who’ve cried when parental leave ended as it’s that hard to be away. When you go through the hell of hourly feeds, sleep deprivation etc, the bond goes deeper, you feel that they need you. And at the end of you, you really need them. This wasn’t something that really sunk in for me until suddenly I was near the end of mat leave, and then I realized I wasn’t ready to go back.

However, I have other friends who chose to go back sooner in part time capacity. They couldn’t afford to take time off. In this career however, it meant that they went onto full formula feeding. It was too hard to keep up with pumping for an infant needs and resident workload. (On a busy day, we hardly have time to eat or use the toilet, I can’t imagine finding time to get to the pump room, get the pump out and sit there for 10-30 mins). I envy them that they returned to work, and their kids seem by comparison to mine - more gentle and malleable in personality (they tolerate daycare pretty well). I think one mom I know managed to keep up with pumping, but she returned to work when her kid was already on solids.

Image source and also good resource on pumping and returning to work.

Now that I am a parent to a young kid, I do prefer the idea of part time and job sharing. Even though that will mean longer training, less pay (greater gender gap) etc. etc. I do wish that our laws and regulations were less punishing on the other parent. They are antiquated to be blunt. We should be allowed paid parental leave for either gender so that parents can alternate looking after small kids full time at home.

Ultimately, kids want time with their parents above all else. Even babies - you can buy them a toys and they wouldn’t care about them as much as interacting with you.

That said, I don’t judge those who choose either to be full time at work or full time mom’s. Either will have its rewards and both are hard, requiring sacrifice. I completely understand the draw to both.

I think it’s a tragedy that different facets of society look down on either full time working moms or stay at home mom’s. I think it’s unfair there is a pay gap and working part time will mean blows to your career progression (even though to put it bluntly, you are working less hours).

Is there a middle path where you are rewarded for both continuing to work while avoiding being away from your kids most of the working week?

One answer to having a better juggle is perhaps telehealth in the future. The ability to work at home I think is already life changing in some careers and I can’t imagine how much of a shift it would make in medicine. With Covid19, we’re already seeing a huge shift towards, it’ll be interesting to see how this will evolve further. I’m not saying telehealth should replace face to face medicine, but it should be utilized more.

Going to try to post at least once or twice a week, if only to maintain some sense of sanity with a 4 month old.

See you in the reblogs if you have any questions or have your experiences to share.

#maternity leave #residency #medblrs #medblr

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rotationalsymmetry · 4 years ago

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How to Vote

(the other half -- ie, not about how to register, the complicated mess of voting during a pandemic while the USPS is being sabotagued, disability accommodations etc but rather: how to go about deciding who and what to vote for.) (focused on the US) (lefty wavering dramatically between obvious bias and attempts to be politically neutral)

You can probably get info from your county and/or state’s Department of Elections (website, phone number, email, etc) and/or from the library or 411, if there’s info that you want but don’t have yet, like finding out who and what is on the ballot so you know what research to do. (Or where to deliver your ballot because you’re worried the post office won’t -- but that’s not what this post is supposed to be about.)

I desperately miss California’s voter guides -- when I lived in CA that was always my starting point. They’re not perfect. But, like Wikipedia and school research projects, they’re a perfectly good place to start. Anyways: if you got a voter guide or can access one online, start there.

If you’re not sure about a post or issue, or don’t care, it’s OK to only vote on the things you care about and leave the rest blank. You might be asked if you did that on purpose, but that’s it. It’s not going to disqualify your ballot or anything, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing democracy wrong. I mean, I think it’s generally worth voting on everything? But if not knowing who to vote for county dog catcher is stopping you from voting for us president, or vice versa, the important thing is that you do vote about what you care about.

Endorsements: which newspapers, advocacy orgs and other politicians like which candidates and propositions, and why. There’s two ways you can go: you can just go “OK, I trust this group/newspaper/org, I’ll vote how they say” (voting all Democrats or all Republicans is the most straightforward example of this) or you can pay attention to their reasoning and see if you agree with it. Local newspapers are especially useful for local candidates and ballot measures, and if you’re significantly left of center (hi) there might be an alternative weekly newspaper in your area that you can look at. (Dunno about other places, but the San Francisco Bay Guardian routinely rises from the dead to make election endorsements.) There’s advocacy groups for LGBTQ+ people, women, racial and ethnic groups, the environment, renters, disabled people, and people who have strong opinions on other specific issues like gun control and campaign finance reform. Oh, and labor unions make endorsements, so if you like labor unions, you can look at who they endorse.

Friends’ and family members’ opinions and reasoning, similar but less official. Incidentally, if there’s someone whose political views you can’t stand, you can just decide to vote against whatever they’re for and vice versa -- once in a while this can backfire, but most issues and candidates are very partisan. This goes for groups too: there’s some SF groups where if they spoke out against a ballot measure, I almost always ended up voting for it and vice versa.

Looking at history: has a proposition like this come up before, how has this politician voted in the past, to what extent did this politician keep last election’s campaign promises, how do they respond when you send them an email, etc. Kind of like cramming for a test vs paying attention throughout the semester, this is easier the more you’ve been following what your representatives have been doing in between elections. But, cramming is better than nothing. (In this case by “history” I mean like what’s happened in the last 4 years or whatever, not what you’d find in a history textbook, but you’re welcome to take that kind of history into account too.) If you’re young or especially bad at following politics, asking the opinion of someone who’s older or better at following politics and shares at least some political views with you can help.

Reading the actual legal text (for propositions.) Honestly, ime this is one of the least effective things you can do, but it’s an option.

Platforms -- generally candidates say what they stand for and what they intend to do in office on their website. There’s sort of a stereotype of politicians as never fulfilling their campaign promises, but it’s still good to know what politicians say they’re going to do.

Debates, town halls, speeches, rallies, following candidates on social media, etc. Basically: what do the candidates say, and/or do you have a good gut feeling about them. (Gut feelings can be miseading. But so can literally everything else. It’s OK to take a politician’s character into account, as far as you can tell what their character is, in addition to how they stand on the issues.)

Political ads: will probably not tell you anything useful, and will distort your emotional “read” of a candidate. If you can avoid exposure to these entirely that’s ideal; if not, you might want to deliberately give mental points to candidates who are being slammed and take them away from candidates doing the slamming. This stuff has nothing to do with reality. (People putting up signs in yards/windows might give you some sense of whether a candidate is electable in local elections where a dark horse independent or third party candidate is running and will give you a very approximate sense of how popular major candidates are, but that’s about it.) Ads are not really intended to convey meaningful information, they’re intended to create emotional reactions.

If you’re new to voting, this will get easier with time. I mean, it’s always a bit time consuming, and there’s also “the more you just follow one group or person’s endorsements exactly the easier it is, and the more you make each decision individually the harder it is”, but also, you’ll pick up patterns and get a sense of how different groups stand relative to your values (and probably get more confident about your own political beliefs in time as well) and you’ll get a good sense of where you can cut corners and still be happy with your choice, vs where you really should spend the time to do thorough research and reflection.

If you’ve got executive function issues or very limited time, do what you need to do. Set a timer? Do the research with someone else? Ask someone else to do the research for you and tell you what they found? Put a time limit on how much research you’re going to do, and at the end of the time just make a decision whether you feel ready or not? Give yourself lots of get-psyched-up time before and unwind time after? I know I was making test analogies earlier, but there really is no cheating here.

Maybe you’ll make a mistake and regret a voting decision later on. This is OK and it happens to everyone (at least, everyone capable of admitting they made a mistake.) Mistakes can be learned from.

It’s OK to be uncertain. People can be certain and wrong. The whole idea with democracy is that, while any decision-making mechanism can spit out wrong decisions, democracy will overall involve fewer wrong decisions because the people affected by bad decisions are part of the decision-making process. (Which is why being convicted of a felony should never remove someone’s right to vote, but I digress.) It’s an attempt to cut power imbalances, oppression, and cruelty out of the system. Obviously it doesn’t always work in practice. But that is why if you can vote you probably should, even if you feel unsure. Young people should vote. People with mental illnesses should vote. People who have less access to information and resources should vote. Learning disabilities or developmental disabilities? Take your time, ask for help/accommodations if necessary, and vote.

Because, here’s the thing: sometimes it’s hard to figure out who and what to vote for and you have to do a lot of research and thinking it over, and other times it’s really really easy. Because you need healthcare. Or because you know you should be able to get married to your partner. Or because you know that you should be able to use public restrooms like everyone else. Because you’re swimming in thousands of dollars of college debt. Because ludicrous numbers of people are dying from a contagious illness and relief checks are being treated as optional, because your city got wiped out by a hurricane, because your state got wiped out by a derecho, because your state is on fire, and because you know who isn’t handling all that the way they should be. Sometimes the decisions are really, really easy. But only really really easy for some people.

#off the top of my head #politics #us election 2020 #how to vote #I know there should be some sort of black lives matter thing in the next to last paragraph but I was struggling with the phrasing #so I dropped it but it's there in spirit #actually it's possible some of us shouldn't be voting when it's not that obvious for us?#it's complicated #certainly there's always people who think it's obvious when really it's no skin off their nose #but a life or death issue to someone else #political #advice #how to #adulting #i mean yes sometimes human rights shouldn't just be something people can vote on #but again any decision making system is going to have issues #and doing things other ways doesn't automatically get better results

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praphit · 5 years ago

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SM3: Nice Jerks are the Worst

I don't know about y'all, but I had big plans for 2020. Now, maybe those big plans will still happen, Idk. But, this was supposed to be our year! - that's what people say, right?? This was the year that you were going to go on that vacation. You were going to drop that dead beat spouse, leave that spouse with the kids, and run off to Mexico, right??!. You were going to start that business. Gain that weight. Come out of the closet. Finally tat that left butt cheek. You were going to stop doing hardcore drugs. Maybe this was going to be your year to start doing hardcore drugs. I'm not here to judge, only to ramble.

But, 2020 quickly turned to shit. Now, we're all looking for someone to blame. Someone has to pay for our horrible haircuts or hairiness, our newfound hatred for our families, and for plenty of much more serious stuff.

I, personally, like to turn to movies for lessons about life. And I think I have the perfect movie to help us figure out who to blame - you guessed it "Spider-Man 3"

This first attempt at a motion picture SM was doing so well. We loved Spidey (though some didn't care for Tobey Maguire, playing him).

Spidey and Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) are adorable. Then, this thing showed up and everything turned to shit (not unlike Covid-19).

Let's look into what went wrong, and who is to blame.

First, let me say that I really liked the action in this movie. There are three villains in this movie: Venom (played by Topher Grace), that thing you see above.

Green Goblin (played by James Franco), who is... a green goblin.

And Sandman (played by Tommy Church), who has a body that is now kinda made of sand - which seems silly if you pick it a part... though so does a man with the powers of a spider.

There was lots of action, and it was all shot well. There is one action scene where there is NO ONE around... I mean NO ONE. It's frickin NY. Peter Parker (not dressed as Spider-Man) and Green Goblin are causing all kinds of damage and making a lot of noise, and not ONE new yorker has anything to say about it? Unless you're a healthcare worker, I bet new yorkers are still cursing at each other from their homes. This was glaring, but Imma let it slide, cuz the action was good.

That's about all of the good I have to report:)

Quick plot recap:

1) MJ and Petey are on the rocks 2) James Franco is an asshole, trying to destroy Peter for killing his father (which he didn't) 3) Venom is trying to kill Spidey (what else is new??) 4) Venom, at one point, infects Peter Parker, to become "Black Spidey" - this, of course, is also when the people of the city started to hate him.

5) Oh, and Peter, mm! He's the worst. I've got something for him later.

There are two major reasons why people talk shit about this movie.

1st - Casting/Characters

Nobody is likeable in this movie

From the very first scene, MJ is singing to us, annnnd it's sooooo boring. I don't think it was supposed to be. Someone in the audience should have been booing. We can’t just allow entertainers to get comfortable, thinking that they can do whatever the hell that they want! - that’s how you end up with stuff like this

It was like, if Snow White were to perform a number for a large crowd.

Just Snow White - I ain't talking about no cute animals around or the suspense of menacing dwarves that might turn on Snow White at any moment. Not even a prince who might be gay (that’s the word on the streets). Just a long movie filled with songs from Snow White; that's what we're talking about. First, MJ bores me, then she's pathetically whining throughout the whole movie.

Sandman is cool (despite his love for striped shirts), but we don't really get to know him.

Side note: He gets his powers by accidentally getting trapped in a science experiment. The scientists, btw, ( And Lord knows what they were up to) knew that something could have been trapped in there, assumed it was a bird, and kept on going. See, this is why certain people don't trust y'all.

James Franco is James Franco (an asshole). Not worth a pic.

Venom doesn't really have a personality (and his host... well, he ain't no Tom Hardy)

PLUS, Peter Parker is a dick (again, we'll get to that later).

The most likeable person in this film is JJ Jameson, and we're not really supposed to like him.

A person with that look shouldn’t be your most likeable character.

Look at this stage -

Who is likeable up here? Fauci, maybe? But, betting by the amount of times that he puts his hands to his face,

- there are things he's not allowing himself to say, so though perhaps likeable, if we can fully trust him. And as far as Trump... Even Trump supporters can't HONESTLY say that they LIKE the man (I mean, if he weren't the prez, would you honestly want him around? - your family?). They certainly can't say that they trust him - though I guess the amount of people looking into ingesting cleaning products after Trump mentioned something along those lines, would beg to differ.

This is the group we're looking to for direction?!

And this is also a problem in the movie. I have to be able to like SOMEBODY!

I need to be able to trust someone to stop the cheesy-written shit storm that is this movie.

"Cheesy Shit Storm" - how bout that for a visual? :)

2nd - dance numbers!

I actually didn't mind the first one, when Peter is dancing through the streets.

Ha! Wow, he is going for it. Come get it while it’ s hot, ladies!

It's odd, but it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be funny, and it kinda is. You ever dance a lil bit while you're out at a store? I know I do; especially now that we're wearing pandemic masks - no one knows who I am. NBD to dance a bit in public, but if you keep going passed a certain point, it just becomes annoying.

That's why the second dance number is bad. Plus, it doesn't make any sense.

At this point MJ and Peter have broken up. She's singing in a bar, and Peter interrupts her song with a dance number (while using his new girlfriend to poke at MJ). Now, While MJ’s songs of boredom deserve interruption, she didn’t deserve that.

Venom is like a drug. Venom brings out the worst in a person. You're telling me that Peter Parker, with all of the rage built up from Uncle Ben and villains and his life not being all that great; the best or I should say "the worst" that he can do is Jazz hands? With all of his superpowers, he should be out there slaughtering everyone in sight. I mean, he did slap the shit out of MJ though (by "accident"). That's when he snapped out of the evil dance number. I don't know what kind of message that sends.

"MJ, it wasn't until I slapped the holy hell out of you that I realized the error of my ways, so... thank you? I'm just going to go on about my day now."

I see this misguided scene as a metaphor. Peter Parker is dancing around his issues:

His relationship with MJ has been bad. He's on that stuff (Venom). And honestly, MJ knows that he's Spider-Man. Why couldn't he have just explained to her what was happening?

"Sorry, baby. I got possessed by an alien again, you know how it is."

And he was dealing with the fact that the person who killed his uncle is on the loose. Another side note: MJ, even though they had just broken up, still cares for Peter while he's dealing with the news about Uncle Ben's killer. That's a damned good friend right there! - especially the way Peter had been acting towards her.

We've got to deal with stuff, people! We can't just get bad haircuts, wear weird clothes, and do drugs! Eventually, that will lead us to slapping the shit out of someone that we love. There are a lot of realities that we're prob not facing at the moment (and some we prob have no intentions of ever facing). A lot of things that we could have done to prevent certain things from escalating, but... we were busy doing our typical dance.

Peter was warned about Venom and did nothing about it. He told himself, "I got this", and clearly he didn't. Honestly, the whole city was screwing up by not helping Spider-Man at all. At the end, when the big fight is happening, and MJ is near death, everybody is just watching all of this go down. Where were the cops?! The S.W.A.T?! Other superheroes? New Yorkers themselves! - they're bold! But, to be fair, Venom came from outer space, so... it was a bit unprecedented; people were prob scared. I'll cut them and Spidey some slack.

You know who I won't cut any slack - Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker!

Peter Parker is a jerk. I'm thinking that Tobey's Peter Parker has always been a jerk; a nice jerk, but a jerk. Have you ever met a nice jerk? They do all of the things that a regualr jerk does, but they'll rationalize their behavior, and look puzzled when you react to their awfulness. I didn't notice this in the 1st movie, cuz I was just happy to get Spider-Man. I didn't notice in the 2nd movie, cuz those kids were just too darn cute. But, his niceness was so annoying in this movie. And he treated MJ horribly : He never listens to her, he’s always late, he only talks about himself, he’s too damned nice, he never knows when they’re in a fight, he kisses other women right in front of her and then is like “What did I do?”

I kept wanting her to punch Peter out; he would have deserved it.

The foundation of the character of the 1st Spider-Man was a problem from the start! If the foundation is shaky, then - whew! I'm glad that we finally fixed it:)

Plus, he never said he was sorry. He did one of those "Well, I'm not perfect." things. She ain't asking for perfection, just quit being a jerk!

A better movie would have been if MJ had been infected by Venom. For starters, she would have given a better performance, in the beginning. Something more like this -

She would have banged Peter's friends. She would have destroyed her critics. And most importantly, she wouldn't have taken any shit from Peter. That could have been the main plot. Instead of a convultued blend of three villains around the nice jerkiness of Peter, it would have been Spider-Man vs MJ - beatening each other up all throughout the city; though I guess that would be considered domestic violence. But, why dance around real issues out there!

It could have been a family-friendly movie about drug abuse (Venom) and domestic violence... and possibly some make-up sex in the middle of the city. But, after that, one of them, if not both, are going to jail! We gotta deal with the problems, people!

Grade: an entertaining D+

I did enjoy it. It wasn't as bad as I remember it, and I'd prob watch it again. But, I can't deny that on a technical level, it's crap.

"Who’s to blame?" isn't really the question. It's more "Who deserves what percentage of the blame?" There's a lot of blame to go around here... even to us who enabled Peter's jerkiness in the first two movies.

I like the direction that we're going in now.

A better Spidey A better MJ Better villains

And even a better Aunt May

- looking all good with Tony Stark.

- imagine Tony aggressively flirting with the older one

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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816

Gonna do a before and after of one of the first surveys I took when I was FOURTEEN. Fucking wild that I’ve been doing this for nearly a decade. Kinda my way of celebrating the fact that I’ve just been reunited with my old blog, which Tumblr has apparently changed the URL of. Baffled by the move but still stoked, and @a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse is absolutely the coolest person for being able to find it haha. Let’s gooooo 1. Are you registered to vote? No. I still have 3 years to go. < That’s so precious. I’ve been a voter for four years now. I registered the second I turned 18 and I remember being very excited to make it to the presidential elections because only a handful of people from my high school batch were 18 by the time of the elections. 2. When days go by, do you cross them off on the calendar? Only when I’m counting down for something. < This still sounds like something I would do, but I don’t really get to anymore because I have digital calendars on my phone and laptop now. 3. Are you currently counting down to something? If so, what? Summer vacation! 4 days left! < Again, so cute. There’s no countdown that exists because I honestly don’t know when it will be okay enough to go out like normal again, but I am waiting for Covid to go away or at least for a vaccine to be available.

No #4? 5. Ever got injured at work? What happened? Nope. < I sprained my ankle at one of the parking lots in school, while walking to my car. Worst thing was it happened in front of an ongoing rally, and I heard their chants slightly falter when they saw me fall. I tried to play it cool, but my foot clearly felt fucked and someone had to hold my arm as I hopped to my car.

6. What color is your roof? Brown. < Stop pretending like you have a roof, Robyn. The house has always had a rooftop.

7. Do you use MySpace or Facebook more? Neither. < I was still far too young when MySpace peaked so I never did get to participate in its glory days. I definitely use Facebook a lot more, then and now. 8. Last time you sharpened a pencil? When I took a diagnostic test last Monday. < Sometime in 2019 when I was still heavily into coloring and I bought several coloring books and a pack of coloring pencils. I loved coloring and wish I kept it up, but it was just a bit of a hassle for me to sharpen every ten minutes or so. 9. List all the people in your phone under T: Zero, zilch, nada. No phone. < A high school batchmade named Dani, a college colleague named Kate, and a couple of aunts and uncles whose contacts start with Tito and Tita. 10. How old were you when you got into text messaging? I once had a super obsessive text problem when I was 11, I think? < That would be the first time I got hooked with texting, but I got my first phone when I was 7 and was already texting by then. Mostly my parents and grandpa, but still. 11. Do you pay rent to your parents? No. < No. They’ve already told me they won’t pressure me to do so either, but out of gratefulness for taking care of me for 20+ years I have absolutely no problems covering some of the bills when the time comes. 12. What do you think of Obama’s new healthcare bill? I don’t know a lot about it. < Honestly, still same. That’s another country’s politics altogether and we have enough issues in our own nation as it is. I do pay attention to US issues that are more universal like LGBT issues, police brutality against black people, Trump as a person...but not the more in-depth ones like healthcare or student debt. 13. How many icons are on your desktop? 34. < Exactly half of that. 14. Do you spit or swallow? Get outta here!!! < Still can’t relate. 15. Ever wrote something on a bathroom wall? Nope. < Eugh no, public bathrooms are so nasty. I don’t usually touch anything in them other than the faucet. I’ve written on other things though, like the desks in school. 16. What’s your definition of a slut? Uh. < Someone who often has casual sex with a lot of people, is how I understand it. 17. If you use the word “slut”, do you apply it to men who do the same thing as what you listed above? Nah. < I don’t really use the word. 18. Do you dye eggs for Easter? I did once, in a children’s party. < Yeah, just that one time at my second cousins’ place when they were in the mood to paint on eggs and invited me and my siblings. 19. What did you do on the first day of spring? Never experienced spring. < We don’t have spring. 23. Are you currently crushing on anyone? No. < Yes. 24. What color hair did the last person you kissed have? NKSB. < LOOOOOOOOOL I spent like two minutes puzzling over this like who tf is NKSB??? Eventually realized this just meant ‘Never Kissed Since Birth’ oh my god 14 year old Robyn you were SO uncool. Anyway, her hair is black. 25. Do you stand up to say the pledge in school? We don’t have a school pledge, but we do recite our country’s pledge and yes, we stand up every time we say it. < Not anymore in university. Everyone just kinda does their own thing in college and we’re never gathered as one student body for anything, except for graduation. 26. Do you like your eye color? God no. It’s so boring. < I mean yeah it is a bit boring, but we kinda have no choice. Unless you go to West Asia which is nearing Europe as it is, nearly all Asians have brown eyes and black hair. 27. What brand of orange juice did you last drink? Zesto. < That’s the only brand of orange juice I’m okay with drinking, even eight years later. 28. Pens or pencils? Pens. < Still feel the same. 29. Last skirt you wore and why? My school skirt, because I have to go to school. < Omfg again, this is so precious. The last one I wore was my denim skirt, but it’s also been a while since I wore that because one of its buttons has since popped out and I never got around to having it fixed, leaving me with no skirts. 30. Last time you wore heels, what kind were they? A prom I went to. I actually have no idea what kind of heels they are so I’m just gonna say old-women heels. < They were stilettos, you dumbass. I also wore a pair of stilettos the last time I wore heels. They’re my favorite kind, so. 31. Shoes you wear the most? My Keds. < My pair of Onitsuka Tiger sneakers. . 32. Favorite quote at the moment? “YOU DUMB BITCH! I’M NOT HOLDING A MICROPHONE! ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?” - CM Punk < Holy crap, I do not remember this quote at all and had to look it up on YouTube and – no regrets. Watching it made so many memories come rushing back lmao that clip is hilarious; Punk is the greatest. Right now I don’t really have a favorite quote. 33. What was the last magazine article you read about? I forgot. < It’s from the website version of the magazine, but the last article I read covered a viral Facebook post wherein someone had photoshopped the faces of The Big Bang Theory boys onto the traditional graduation photos of my university out of boredom. Article is here for anyone who wants to see how well the pictures turned out lol. 34. What do you think about communism? I don’t know enough about it. < I completely support the progressive youth orgs, especially the ones in my university, that are aligned with communist, socialist, and Marxist ideals. They speak the truth more than any other orgs, so I don’t shy away from defending them or promoting their ideals, especially on social media, even if it puts me in danger. 35. Are you planning on going to college? If so, which one? Of course. I want to study in Ateneo. < CAN WE CANCEL 14 YEAR OLD ROBYN?????? What a disappointment omg. You were always meant to be in UP, you weirdo. 22 year old me takes that appalling statement back lol I can’t even begin to imagine spending my college years in Ateneo. 36. What’s your favorite flower? Ugh I hate flowers. < Peonies and roses. 37. What’s the nearest beach? I think it’s like…600 km away + a 2 hour boat ride. < No it is not. There’s a beach I come back to in Nasugbu and that’s only 100 km away. 38. Ever been to Florida? Nope. < Still nope. 39. How old is your brother’s best friend? He’s probably 9 as my brother’s 9. < I don’t know if he has one and I don’t really care anymore. 40. What type of car did you ride in last? A Kia van. < Sksksksks this was referring to the school bus I used to ride omg :( I was last in our Vitara, when I had to go to the hospital to get some tests done back when I still had a pesky fever. 42. Are you excited for summer 2013? Fuck yeah. < I honestly don’t remember how it ultimately went, but apparently I was excited for it so that answers the question. 43. What class were your parents (ex. class of ‘75)? They’re the same age so batch ‘89. < There we go. 44. Are you in debt right now? For what? No. < Kinda-ish? I promised my sister I’d pay her for helping me out with iMovie (I wanted to make Gab a video for her birthday, but had never done it before), but I haven’t had the chance to do it since I only have big bills at the moment. She’s asking for ₱200 but I only have ₱1000s in my wallet, so I can’t pay her for now. 45. If you’re old enough, do you have a credit card? If you’re not old enough, do you want one when you’re older? I definitely want one. < Yep, still want one. Though I’ll need a crash course on how to use it because my parents never really taught me how cards work. 46. What color is your phone? No phone. < Apple calls it space gray but it’s really just black. 47. Have you ever had someone read a text message they weren’t supposed to see? Yes. < Yes. That person was me, and I accidentally read a text from my dad meant for only my mom when I was 5 because I had stubborn fingers that would click on anything. 48. What’s the minimum age you think someone should have a cell phone at? 10. < Holy cow, that’s a nope for me. I’d say 12 or 13. 49. Would you ever work night crew? Sure. < Yes. I’ve seen my girlfriend’s mom do it and honestly I find it pretty badass, especially because while everyone is stuck in traffic trying to get to work by 9 AM, she’s cruising down the highway on the opposite lane with no problem, to be home by 9 hahaha. 50. How old is the last person you texted? 41. < 22.

#survey #surveys

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flyonthewallmedstudent · 5 years ago

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Things we don’t talk about enough... in fertility and maternity.

“I felt like I failed,” Obama told Roberts. “Because I didn’t know how common miscarriages were. Because we don’t talk about them.”

When Michelle Obama opened up her fertility issues, it lead to the “Michelle Obama effect”. More women sought help for fertility.

Even then, after wards, I still found myself in various circles of friends and acquaintances where certain things were not spoken of. Or people came out of the wood work to talk to me about after I found out I was pregnant.

In just developing countries, up to 1/4 of women suffer from infertility, according to the WHO.

I can remember now looking back at some of my uni friends talking about fertility issues even in their 20s. They got married young, wanted children younger and to everyone’s surprise, not all of them conceived straightaway or even within a year. One as it turned out, was then diagnosed with PCOS.

Things came out more as I got pregnant. Friends worried about their own biological clocks, and my pregnancy got them thinking more about how long they should put it off for. Or them saying they’re worried about their fertility. Even other doctors - although we know how to utilize the healthcare system to explore this - it’s hard nonetheless to face and not just talk about, but to think about. If you want a child with your other half and to start a family so badly, it’s hard to face the possibility of being infertile. But even doctors, we don’t get taught a lot about infertility in med school. Often there’s the perception that it goes from, can’t conceive? to IVF is the next direct step? It’s often not. there’s other steps in between.

Even my male friends - newlyweds - complained about how their new wives were distressed by fertility. And the fact that in some circles (such as religious ones) it’s not openly talked about.

In particularly socially conservative religious or cultural circles, to talk about fertility or having children means you have to talk about sex. Not necessarily the case, but it’s all taboo anyway.

Men worry about fertility too, it hurts them too. But we primarily attribute fertility and ticking biological clocks to women.

The other thing we don’t talk about enough, is that breast feeding can be hard.

I’ve had several friends (young parents) openly come out and say that - if you have trouble breast feeding, don’t beat yourself up. Seek help. Or use formula. Don’t be made to feel guilty because midwives/hospital or society makes you feel like a failure if you struggle to breast feed.

Yes breast fed is best, but priority is a healthy baby (who isn’t failing to thrive or starve) and bonding between mom and baby. Some of my friends couldn’t get the baby to latch or get the hang of it for 6 months. The emotional trauma wasn’t insignificant, because they all very much wanted to breast feed. Few intelligent women in this day and age, are going to be against breast feeding.

Yet I went away from midwife lead birthing classes, consistently with the message that formula is bad, it’s taboo. Hours were spent selling the benefits of breastfeeding. Yes we get it. One midwife even lashed out when a father asked if formula is offered at the hospital should they need it. Another parent in the class stepped in to say - I think he’s trying to say what if his wife isn’t able to produce milk those first few hours?

the other things I know from med school that isn’t talked about sufficiently is the trauma of labour. Incontinence (bowel and bladder) which can be permanent if there is significant uterine prolapse or tearing. Or trauma. IN the worse case, it requires corrective surgery.

Post partum sex, you never hear about this either. But it significantly impacts a relationship and maternal emotional health. Like who talks about how you may not get back to normal for months to a year? If not longer if it’s significantly traumatic.

Most of the time, I hear more about mothers feel like failures if they go with Caesareans instead of natural. If medically indicated, there is no failure. You’re trying to have a healthy baby and minimize trauma to mother and child. [Addit - Caesars aren’t without risk either, because it is surgery at the end of the day, but you do it, if it’s necessary to ensure safety of baby and mom]

Pregnancy and labour are natural. Very natural things. But as with anything, anything can go wrong and it won’t always be perfect. It’s weird that we can’t always freely talk about the things that can go wrong. Some midwifery groups believe it will scare off women from natural vaginal deliveries. But I think it makes it worse, not preparing them sufficiently. Making them feel like failures if it doesn’t work out.

Why can’t we be open about it and recognize that things occur? and then acknowledge that it’s okay, and provide support?

Netflix, by the way, has come out with a new series - “Sex Explained”, where they have episodes on fertility, birth control and childbirth. [[[Addit: It’s not an evidenced resource by any means, but it opens up a lot of balanced and interesting discussions.]]]

“I think sometimes the voices there in the movement can push themselves into a particular set of choices. And rather than saying “let’s empower people to make whatever choices they want,” they say, “let’s empower them to make these particular sets of choices.”

#obstetrics #fertility #maternity #breast feeding #pregnancy

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fastwalker · 5 years ago

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tbh I think separatism is peak liberalism... just fucking off into nowhere and hoping the government and their misogynist legislations will never reach you. why? I don’t even understand how someone can think they can just seperate from society without that biting them in the ass one day. maybe I don’t understand it bc I’m not american and such stuff is harder to do here? who knows.

but what happens if legislation changes? what if womens right get taken away to a point we’re not allowed to hold land again? what then? sorry for being paranoid but with the right gaining more and more power again all over the world I see that as plausible.

or on a smaller scale, even having the luxury to choose whom you profesionally or personally (let’s face it those are often heavily intertwined) interact with. who has this? I certainly don’t, my mom does not. nurses, doctors, housekeepers, cleaning personel, childcare workers, teachers most majority female jobs that are payed poorly and often heavy on social interaction don’t really have an option to be female only unless you open your own business I guess but who will be able to afford a female only private school or private female only healthcare provider? your regular working women certainly won’t have access to that, only rich fucks will. (or the other way round, I also don’t have the luxury of choosing doctors etc. either I’m lucky if I get an appointment at all, most low income people are)

like yes of course it can be a safe heaven for women, we need spaces like this as long as it’s affordable. but for separatist spaces to exist we already have to have pretty egalitarian legislation to begin with for women to be able to open businesses, rent such huge spaces or even own land without much trouble. (renting is whole different can of worms entirely... idk if this is a thing elsewhere but here more old fashioned landlords sometimes refuse to rent out to groups of women because they think they just want to open a brothel, so hmm yeah maybe we gotta fix that first before we are even able to exit society?)

in countries where women don’t have this luxury such communes have to be heavily armed to protect themselves from intruders but i don’t think this is the safe heaven western feminist picture when they think of separatist spaces you know actually being forced to kill men. besides, seizing some land with armed forces wouldn’t really fly in heavily policed western countries.

as said it can only cater to a tiny minority of women at a time, so it’s a very individualistic approach. it won’t really help elevate the problems women face as a class, it won’t fix abortion legislation, it won’t further research on female specific issues, it won’t fix domestic violence, it won’t fix rape, it won’t fix racism or homophobia.

i remember a similiar discussion from years ago, separatists said “well it’s not my responsibility to fix all this” (and back then I was heavily on the separatist side i admit) but if you don’t feel responsible to elevate the female struggle on class scale, how are you even feminist?

which is fine, most women are not feminist after all, it’s only natural and ok to care first and foremost for your own, your family or immediate social circle. I just don’t see how it’s a feminist action to build a safe heaven for a few loved ones you personally approve off only (unlike a shelter). sure it’s lovely but that’s not what I personally consider feminism. I want all women to have human rights and safety, even if I personally despise them and don’t approve of their lifestyle, so that’s what I’m working for, what I’m trying to support irl. I personally do not matter to feminism, no one does, we only matter as a collective. feminist actions are actions that benefit all women directly or indirectly, not just you and your tiny group of friends who are exactly like you and are a fit and able to lead an extremely fringe lifestyle

that’s why I don’t really “get” separatism as a feminist movement, it’s more of a “i gave up on feminism and will make the best of my life with other women only under the legislations we already have” - movement in my opinion. which again, sounds nice I often dream about this aswell but it’s just escapism not politics.

kind of related maybe: I do see sex strikes as valid political tactics though. it is utterly sad and depressing that they work but yeah well they do work. I see them as completely seperate from seperatism

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erikismybitch · 6 years ago

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Waiting In Vain : Chapter 16

Bad Day.

Months had passed by. And the duo’s relationship had only went up from the beginning. Marley was surprised that she was not tired of Erik, there was never even a point where she wanted to be away from him. Of course they both had to live their separate lives , but being together was euphoric . Marley had never felt quite like this before , even with other man that she loved . This felt different.

Yes, she knew that it was love .

That’s what she told him, and even though he hadn’t said it back yet , she felt content . Marley couldnt hold how she felt about him in . She had to let him know she loved him one night , while there were laying on her couch . “We good , Marley” was all he said . He just held her tight until she fell sleep in his arms.

Erik showed her how much he cared for her every day. Flowers because it was Wednesday , foot massages when she was tired . Food whenever she was hungry and he even helped her find a new job . Marley was no longer faced with irritable complaints from consumers over the net . And no more slaving for the drunk men down at the bar with Becky.

Marley was now a proud employee at Steinway. Steinway was a global company . A trusted billion dollar business who created technology that controled security systems for some of the worlds most prestigious places . Mass museums, federal reserve, and most of all, protected government agencies .

Marley had a degree , but her major in Liberal arts she knew, would not get her in the door. Erik made her apply anyway .

“They might not even know they need you, always go for the job you think you won’t get” He encouraged her one night , while eating those famous tacos and watching Game of Thrones.

One resume, an exceptional cover letter written by Erik, and two interviews later...Marley was hired to assist the head of public relations. Her duty was only to serve the person who protected the brand of the company . Marley had been there for a while now, and was making a good amount of money.

It was her birthday on this day. She never made a big deal about it . Marley hadn’t had a party since her mom died . So to her , it was just another day . Most people in her life didn’t know when it was, just the few who were close to her . Becky knew and called her early in the morning with a long drawn out version of the birthday song . In the past , Tiana and her aunt didn’t even acknowledge her birthday. Trey would always buy her something expensive, but nothing memorable or noteworthy.

Erik knew that it was her birthday. Of course he was away for work, or whatever he did . Erik admitted... or hinted that his job wasn’t exactly what he told her before . She didn’t press him, but at times she questioned if what he did was legal . The gun was still in his dresser . “It’s not necessarily illegal” he’d toy with her mind whenever she asked him . She was no stranger to crime, seeing as Trey was the poster child for that . But he wasn’t as secretive as Erik . Nor was he as well paid .

Marley hadn’t talked to him all day . After numerous attempts at calling him, she figured he was busy . Until it came to the end of her work day . Her stress level was through the roof , constantly staring at her cellphone. Hoping that the next notification would be from Erik. That’s all she wanted . No party, no gifts , just Him.

Marley had received a birthday card signed by most of the employees . She knew it probably was company policy, but she was thankful . Marley had been there a little under two months , so most people didn’t know her well . To who she assumed was the head of the employee committee, walked by and wished her happy birthday . Marley had just finished typing the notes from the meetings her boss had. It was almost five , and she was off at four thirty .

The days leading up to her birthday were always filled with anxiety . She knew she would cry , she cried on her birthday every year . From loneliness, feeling like she was aging and yet so far behind in life . Most of all, she cried because it was another year without her mom. All day she had been fighting back her tears with fake thoughts of being happy . It was working, for now but she knew that eventually she would break . Becky begged Marley to come to the bar around seven that night . Before the sports crowd packed the bar . Becky wanted to give her gift before her work shift . Marley figured she’d eat fatty bar food and take a few shot alone. Or with some of her old co-workers. Ones who actually knew her and would be semi-genuine .

Since she was leaving later than usual, she was in a rush . The Steinway building was half an hour from her apartment . With traffic she would get home around six, that didn’t give her much time to get ready . Marley logged out of her work computer , gathered her belongings and rushed the halls to the elevator. She dashed through lobby to get to her car . Her phone buzzed in her hand , excitedly she glanced at it , praying that it was Erik . Marley didn’t even see the burly white guy walking towards her . She ran right into him and almost fell to the ground . He seemed to be in a rush much like her . All Marley could see was the back of his red slick hair and the flag of the Netherlands on his arm. Marley knew that because her old college roommate was from the Netherlands and had a flag on her side of the wall .

“Excuse you, fucking jackass!” Marley shouted . The rude guy was already outside of the building. Being the only black women in the lobby, everyone’s eyes were drawn to her already . Even more now since she shouted. She wanted badly to yell at them too for not addressing the man who almost knocked her down .

But , it was her birthday. She had some place to be.

She made it to her car , but she was still boiling with anger . Especially after she gave calling Erik one more shot . He didn’t pick up. “Fuck it!” She screamed , then punched her steering wheel . It honked abruptly, scaring an old woman who was walking by. A groan escaped her lips and she rested her head on the seat . She took a breath, the lump in her throat wanted for her to cry badly . Her lip trembled . Marley missed her mom right now , more than ever . She would make it better . Probably go fight the man who knocked her baby down. Marley laughed at the thought of it . Of those people thought Marley’s outburst was bad , they probably couldn’t have handled her moms .

Marley got herself home, late but it was nothing she could do about it now . She got ready to go to the bar , nothing special but she was cute enough. Her phone buzzed when she walked out of the door . It was nothing but a message from Team Snapchat , probably wishing her happy birthday . She giggled a little because that happened every year . Marley didnt bother to call Erik again, him not answering would only make her more upset.

She made it to the bar . A few cars were parked in the lot. The lights werent on. The windows were tinted but there was a small window space at the top of the building where light would shine through . Which wasn’t odd . Marley had worked shifts when the bar opened late . It was a family owned business and sometimes they were unprofessional and opened when they wanted to . Customers still came though . Marley would even get paid under the table some weeks , so they could avoid tax issues and healthcare costs .

She yanked on the door. It wouldnt budge , it was locked . She knocked on the door hard and announced that it was her.

“I’m coming!”

Becky’s voice rang through the closed door . Marley could hear the tampering of the lock . Becky opened the door wide , exposing the few co-workers who were waiting for Marley to come inside.

“Surprise!” They all shouted at the same time. She couldn’t believe it. A party, for her? She was important enough for them to go out of their way and do this. Becky walked towards her , holding a small chocolate cake with lit candles .

“Chocolate, my favorite, thanks guys!” Marley Jared chocolate cake, but she wouldnt tell them that . Everyone looked so pleased .

“Please don’t cry” Becky playfully rolled her eyes at her friend . Who seemed to be getting emotional

“It’s just-“ Marley began to speak, but got choked up . Her voice shook . She didn’t want to cry in front of everybody, so she quickly sucked it up with a deep breath. Becky couldnt help but laugh . She took her into her arms and hugged her . “I just hate my birthday, that’s all”

Not being able to cry was killing her . She looked around at everyone , overwhelmed at everything . Surrounded by people, she still felt alone . Nobody who loved her was there . Yes , these people cared but not in the way Marley needed .

“Do you want us to stop this ?” One of the other co-workers asked . He could tell by the look on her face that something was off. Marley shook her head quickly

“No, I’m thankful for everything” Marley put forth effort to place a smile on her face.

Marley took the time to hug everyone and thank them individually. They all started off with a shot of dark and they sang the birthday song to her . Which was always awkward. Then Becky did her renditioned version of the birthday song , where she twerked across the bar to brighten the mood .

Marley made a wish in her head, something she thought was so silly . When she was a teen she always wished that her mom would magically come back from the dead . Now that she was older , she knew it was impossible . But she still made that same wish . Then she wondered , if she could do two . There were no actually birthday rules because all of it is fake... right? She thought about something that would make her happy . Erik. He was real . And she wished that he would remain that way . Marley blew out the candles and they cheered .

“I’m sorry he’s not here” it was as if Becky could read her mind “And I had no way to tell him , I figured he would be with you” Marley ignored her. She gave Marley a small gift box , with a bow on top . It was from her . She opened it right away .

“No you didn’t” she said quietly. It was a pair of AirPods . She had just told Becky that she wanted a pair but didn’t want to spend the money on them. The fact that she was such an attentive friend really meant a lot to Marley . She could not stop hugging her .

“Tonight is not about him, it’s your birthday” Becky didn’t want the absence of Erik to ruin her special day.

“What if he’s dead?” Now Marley was being dramatic . Becky raised her eyebrows, she figured Erik couldn’t make it because of work stuff . Not anything this serious . “I haven’t heard from him all day”

“Doubt that” Becky casually handed Marley an envelope with a card inside . She figured it was a card from the bar staff.

“But still, this is not like him” she managed to rip it open while holding eye contact .

“He’ll call “

Marley pulled the card out if it’s envelope. Shockingly it was from Trey . She looked at Becky who was purposely avoiding eye contact . A few twenty dollar bills slipped from the inside before she caught them in her hand. They had not spoken since that last week of her living in the hotel . And when she found out about his child , she was completely done . “Trey came by before you got here, he wanted to catch you but I told him it wasn’t a good idea” Becky aligned a few shot glasses on the bar and filled them with Tequila . That always got Marley drunk , and her plan was to get her friend wasted .

Happy birthday beautiful

I miss you , call me.

He had hand written those simple words in the card. Along with some passage about how important the birthday person was. Marley skimmed through it, then slipped the twenties in her purse and put the card in the trash .

“No thank you” Marley spoke just how she would if Trey was actually standing there .

It took Becky pouring six shots to get Marley to finally stop checking her phone . And then seven shots to make her start talking about Erik. He always left the toilet seat up and in the middle of the night she would fall in. No matter how many times she told him not to, he would always forget . He always thought he was right , and could never admit that he had gotten something wrong . Marley was not the type of person who yearned for the last word . And it didn’t kill her if she didn’t get her point across. Not even knowing that it was what made them a match . He snored loudly when he slept, so if Marley didn’t fall first ... there would be no sleep . Then when he woke up , he never ate breakfast. Which freaked Marley out because she couldn’t function without breakfast each morning . Marley started to drag on about how much he worked out and perfected over his body . But at the same token, he’d scarf down a whole family sized meal of carbs . She was about to rant about his messy home but Becky stopped her . Even Becky couldn’t help but think about how Marley felt when she talked about her husband .

Becky had listened for long enough , the bar was now open to the public and she had to work . “Sounds to me like you guys have no real problems” she slapped the bar counter twice , Marleys head flew back .

“What!” She slurred, then swayed to the sound of Sicko Mode playing from the bars speakers . Drunk was exactly what she was now.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff , Erik is all you have... besides me of course”

Marley pondered on that statement for a while . She seemed to get lost into the view of her feet for a long time . The floor was spinning, she held on to the bar stool so she wouldn’t fall . She blinked a few times to try and sober up , it didn’t work well enough. Then , she got back to thinking about what Becky said . How Erik was all she had . Marley looked up to ask her what she meant by it, but Becky had walked away . Marley figured she had been out of it for a while . She was uncomfortably drunk , and really needed to go home .

Everyone was back working , and she didn’t have the strength or good balance to say thank you to everyone again . Maybe she’d send out a mass text in the morning, or maybe she wouldn’t. Marley just needed to leave. She snuck out of the bar . Becky would have stopped her from leaving if she saw her . Refusing to allow her to drive home drunk. Marley just knew that if she drove really slow, she’d make it .

So she sat in her car , took a deep breath and started the ignition . Thanking god that she lived close enough . Even though she knew god was not happy about what she was doing . Marley pulled out of her parking space slowly and made her way on to the street . She was doing great at pretending to be sober . Until she couldn’t , swerving in other lanes and unnecessarily pumping her breaks with caution. Tonight would have been a great night for the police to pull her over and actually do their job. They were probably harassing innocent people Marley thought, Insted of handling true crimes ... like the one Marley was committing in this moment .

She made it home safely , by nothing but pure luck . Her car was crooked , and slightly crossing the line of her neighbors spot . Marley would deal with it in the morning. Her apartment light was on. Since she was intoxicated , she didn’t see this as cautionary. Struggling with getting the key in the door, she managed to let herself in . It wasn’t until after she closed the door and began walking towards her room , that she seen Erik sitting on her couch . He stood up , holding a bouquet of flowers . Marley stepped back with her mouth wide open.

“Happy birthday baby” he smiled and walked towards her . She wanted to speak . She wanted to yell at him for not being there all day . She wanted to ask him how he had gotten inside of her apartment. But as soon as she felt his strong arms wrap around her ... she finally let out the cry that she had been holding in all day . Marley’s tears seeped into the arm of his shirt . He let her cry . “You had a bad day?” He asked her calmly. He felt Marleys head nod . The hand that was flower free rubbed against her back . He was trying his best to calm her down.

“I hate my birthday” her voice cracked , tugging on Erik’s soft side .

“I got you , and I’m gonna take care of you”

He pushed away from her , allowing the space between them . He kissed her forehead twice , then took a chance on her lips . “Wanna talk about it?”

Marley drew away from him and walked to the kitchen for a paper towel . She released with a deep sigh and giggled shortly.

“Nah” she wiped hers tear stained face then tossed it in the trash . Erik told her that he lost his phone this morning , and couldn’t find time to get another one today .

“How did you get in here?” They settled down on the couch. Close enough for Marley’s left thigh to wrap around his lap . She faced him .

“I’m from the projects . Breaking in to shit is like a right of passage” he admitted, nonchalantly he massaged her thigh.

“You broke in my house” she stated what was obvious, there was no reason for her to be upset . She knew Erik to be a man that did whatever he wanted to do.

“Ain’t nothing I can’t get into” he observed her for a second , she rested her head against the couch . Her eyes fidgety and unable to focus on one thing . “You drove home drunk like this ?” He asked , seemingly worried about her .

“I see you do it all the time” her fingers toyed with his dreads . He was so cute to her when he got serious. He was cute to her when he did anything honestly.

“Yeah but you ain’t me”

“The hypocrisy!” She shouted in dramatic form.

“So you using big the words tonight”

“Hypocrisy is not a big word, you’re just from the projects” Marley braced herself for his rebuttal, she knew he would have a comeback to match her witt.

“Don’t forget who helped you write that letter to get you that job. A nigga from the projects”

“You right , daddy” she gave in, even though they were only joking .

“I know I’m fucking right”

Marley rubbed her thumbs against his cheeks and moved in closer to him . “Just a minute ago , I was crying my eyes out” she mumbled , so close to his lips that he could feel her words . She kissed him , sweet and soft . “Make sure I never cry on my birthday again”

“That’s a lot of pressure” Erik told her .

“Can you handle it?” She toyed with him but Marley was being completely serious.

“I can handle you”

Erik yawned , and like clockwork Marley yawned too . It was contagious. Somehow his position changed to him laying completely on his back . Marley beside him still, one leg wrapped around his waist . They liked it that way . No matter where they were , they always came back here . Erik thought Marley had eventually fallen asleep, on account of her hard breathing . Until she spoke again.

“All you got me was flowers?” She thought back to when she first cake in. Marley eyed the beautiful bouquet on her coffee table . He busted out laughing , so hard that Marley had to laugh too .

“I was waiting for that question”

“So answer it then”

“I got you shoes”

“Where they at?” She pouted like a bratty child . Erik kissed his teeth .

“Where the birthday sex at?” He asked , as if she owed him and it was his birthday.

“I’m too tired , how about birthday morning sex?”

“I’ll give you your shoes after that” he rubbed her butt gently , in hopes to turn her on . It just made her more comfortable with the idea of sleep .

“I’m not a prostitute” she yawned again .

“You’re my prostitute”

“You know I am” she boasted proudly .

“The best one I got” he yawned too .

“The thickest one too”

“You such a bad bitch”

“Good night Erik , I love you”

#im still here #sorry this wasnt a good comeback #erik killmonger fanfiction #erik killmonger fanfic #erik killmonger imagine

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spidergwenistrans · 5 years ago

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I'm sure lots of people have talked about this already, but I think it's really shady the way only parts of transition healthcare are ever covered by so many insurance providers. I'm talking both public and private here.

I want to be very clear about the fact that I'm arguing we add any additional roadblocks or gatekeeping to transition care. All I want to argue for here is that more options be available.

In Ontario, I was able to access HRT through an informed consent process, which means I proved to my doctor that I understood the limitations, side effects, and risks associated with estrodial and cyproterone, the meds I take.

I was lucky, this wasn't my GP's first time with this, so he knew what to do, I didn't have to educate him on the basics of it. He has his limitations, and eventually I want to see an endocrinologist about progesterone, and long term management of my hormones, especially post bottom surgery.

In lots of places, it's way harder to access even HRT. In the UK for example, my understanding is that you need to see a specialist, and GPs are generally unwilling to prescribe HRT even in the interim before seeing a specialist.

As far as I know, the UK is the only publicly funded health care system that covers gamete preservation for trans people, though it's not a part of the system I hear much about. Obviously the UK system has lots of issues, but on paper it sounds like it should be the best one to be trans in.

OHIP (Ontario's system) won't cover HRT for lots (most?) people, because OHIP doesn't really cover medication for anyone from 26-64(?). It does allow your doctor to prescribe you hormones, which was a big win. It also allows bottom and top surgery to be covered, but each has to be approved individually, according to the page listing the requirements.

The fact that top surgery to remove breast tissue has to be approved, but breast reduction is covered automatically, and all you have to say is that it prevents you from living the life you want (essentially, there's a specific wording, but any good surgeon will coach you during a consult, as my friend learned).

I don't want this to read as me thinking we should add gatekeeping to breast reduction, I just want to call out the double standard here.

Meanwhile, all of the trans affirming surgeries require 2 seperate assessments, by 2 health care providers, stating you have a diagnosis of persistent gender dysphoria. They also have that classic requirement: "have completed 12 continuous months of hormone therapy (unless hormones are not recommended) you have lived 12 continuous months in the gender role you identify with (for genital surgery only)."

These are a big improvement, for Ontario at least, over what they used to be. We used to be required to see a psychologist, which meant a 6+ month wait list just to get an initial assessment, followed by probably several appointments, hen being sent back to your GP before finally getting a referral to a (the, at the time) surgeon.

Under current requirements, I could probably see my doctor, and then a nurse practitioner with his office and get my surgery approval submitted in less than a month. Of course, that doesn't mean I'd be seeing a surgeon all that quickly, especially right now.

I'm supposed to talk to my doctor on Tuesday about getting this process started, so that's exciting, if a little terrifying, it feels like the biggest step in my transition so far.

I'm kind of rambling here, the thing I really wanted to talk about was what isn't covered.

There's no support for gamete saving, which kind of amounts to a form of mass coerced sterilisation, since many of us can't afford to save our gametes on our own, especially before we even start transition, and we know the hormones will probably make us infertile as long as we're on them. I know for me, I don't think I could tolerate the 3+ months off hormones required to produce viable gametes again.

I probably could have waited a couple more to start if I'd been trying to save gametes then, but there was no way I could afford it on my own, and I'd be wanting to start them for months at that point, and only waited until I came out to my family. I'm personally not that upset about never having children from my own gametes, it doesn't bother me that much, it's not being able to carry them that hurts more. But my personal feelings about this don't mean that I shouldn't have had the option??

The other thing that isn't covered, which really bothers me, is facial surgery. I know that masculising face surgery is in a very different place than feminising face surgery, but I'm going to speak from the perspective of a trans gal that wants FFS, I can't speak to wanting FMS, trans masc folks who know more than me feel free to comment, or link to other people talking about it. I don't think it's exactly my place to talk about it, and I really just don't know very much anyways.

Bottom surgery being covered is so incredibly important to so many of us, but the idea that bottom surgery should be covered, but face surgery shouldn't is wild to me? Ultimately, they're both somewhat cosmetic, but you know what else is? Brushing your teeth. Bad tooth health will eventually ruin your life, and so will dysphoria, so why can't we cover a surgery that would deal with a major source of dysphoria?

FFS procedures are not especially new or experimental, lots of cis women have some of these procedures as well. From a safety-via-passing perspective, FFS is probably more important than bottom surgery for at least some trans women.

I don't mean to say that we should all have it, or that anyone's priorities are wrong, personally even if both were free, I would still get bottom surgery first. I also don't want to imply that passing should be a goal, requirement, or something everyone, or even anyone should strive for. But, it's sometimes useful to frame things for the cis people that still get to make these decisions about our bodies, to be able to understand why it matters to us when it does.

In an ideal world, trans kids won't be forced to go through the wrong puberty, and hopefully some of these surgeries will be less and less necessary, but I don't think we'll be there for a while, and even if we get there, there will probably always be adults who realise their transness long after puberty.

#text #mine #paislee talks about trans stuff #trans affirming healthcare #trans surgery #facial feminisation surgery #bottom surgery #top surgery

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askjennie · 5 years ago

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FAQ: I’m struggling with my mental health, how do I get help?

Do I even need help?

In general, it’s a good idea to seek help if something you’re thinking or feeling is having a significant negative impact on your life. For example:

Your thoughts or feelings are constantly bothering and distressing you.

Your thoughts or feelings are getting in the way of your ability to work or study, or making going to your workplace or school very difficult for you. Maybe you can’t get to work or school on time (or at all), or maybe you find it difficult to concentrate while you’re there, or maybe being there triggers some upsetting symptoms for you.

Your thoughts or feelings are affecting your relationships with your friends, family or partner. Maybe you’re pushing them away or feeling unable to spend time with them like you used to, or maybe you’re becoming rude or hostile towards them, or maybe you’re becoming excessively clingy or dependent on them to the point that it’s upsetting them.

Your thoughts or feelings are getting in the way of your hobbies/leisure activities. Maybe you want to do something but don’t feel able to, or maybe you’ve lost interest in activities that you used to enjoy.

Your thoughts or feelings are making you want to harm yourself or someone else.

You’re having flashbacks, hallucinations, or experiencing physical symptoms that are scary or distressing to you or others around you.

You feel unhappy most of the time.

These are all reasons why someone might want to seek psychological help. They don’t all need to apply, and you don’t need to be at your absolute worst to ask for help. “This is bothering me, I think it might help to talk to someone about it” is a good enough reason to talk to someone about it.

Who should I tell?

If you feel able to, talking to a family member, friend or partner about how you’ve been feeling can be a really helpful start. You don’t have to keep what’s going on to yourself, and if you can open up to someone you trust, they can support you through the process of seeking professional help, which can make things easier for you. However, if you don’t want to or don’t feel able to talk to someone in your personal life, you can start with speaking to your doctor, or contacting mental health services or private therapists in your area. If you’re currently in education, you could contact your school’s counseling service.

If you’re a minor, and you’re not able to access mental health services on your own, it’s especially important that you reach out to a trusted adult in your life. Who you feel comfortable talking to will vary from person to person - it could be a parent, other family member, friend’s parent, family friend, teacher or school counselor. If you’re finding it difficult to start the conversation, there’s nothing wrong with writing a letter, or text, to let the person know what’s been going on and what you need to talk about.

If you feel like there’s no one in your life you can reach out to right now, you may find it useful to contact a helpline (see list later on in this post).

What kind of help can I get?

Talk therapies. These generally involve working one-on-one with a therapist and learning to manage your symptoms with various mental and behavioral techniques. Click here or here to learn more about talk therapy.

Medication. Your doctor or psychiatrist might recommend antidepressants, or anti-anxiety medication, or anti-psychotic medication, depending on what you’re experiencing. Click here or here to learn more about medication.

Psychosocial treatments. This might involve support workers or case managers, peer support groups, or community programs that help you live with your mental illness. Click here or here to learn more about psychosocial treatments and peer support.

Hospital/residential treatment. If you’re experiencing a mental health crisis and are unable to keep yourself safe, it may be necessary or recommended that you go into hospital temporarily. This can be a scary experience at first, but it gives you the opportunity to focus 100% on improving your mental health, with support from trained staff. Click here or here to learn more about hospital treatment.

Other treatments could include art therapies, mindfulness, or family therapy.

There are options, and they won’t suit everybody, so it’s important to be open with your healthcare providers about what is working for you, and what isn’t. If you try one thing and it doesn’t work, don’t give up - try something else.

What if I don’t have the money/freedom to do that?

If money is the issue, it might be worth Googling ‘low-cost therapy’ ‘low-cost counseling’ or ‘counseling for low income’ and seeing what comes up. Many therapists will offer their services on a sliding scale basis, so someone with a low income will pay less. Some charities may offer mental health support for free or less money than a private therapist. Some universities may offer counseling from students training to be therapists for free or a low price. Depending on where you live, these things might not be available, and depending on what your income is, they still might not be doable for you right now, but it’s worth looking.

If you don’t have the money or freedom to get mental health support outside of your home right now, there is still support available online, and self-help options you can try for free without anyone in your life knowing. Here is a list of resources you can look up:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy workbooks

Centre for Clinical Interventions - Free self-help therapy workbooks and worksheets for depression, anxiety, disordered eating, bipolar disorder, low self-esteem and more.

Moodjuice - Free worksheets for depression, anxiety, anger, stress and more.

Apps

Sanvello - Self-help app for anxiety, depression and stress. Track your mood and habits, learn mindfulness, learn to reframe your thoughts. Has free and paid options.

SAM - This has information on anxiety, an anxiety tracker, and you can create your own toolkit of calming exercises.

Stop, Breathe and Think - Easy guided meditation, recommends different meditations based on your current mood.

Booster Buddy - Cute app where an animal friend encourages you to complete self-care tasks. Can also help you keep track of medications and appointments.

Calm Harm - For self harm. Provides different tasks as alternatives for when you feel the urge to self harm.

USA helplines

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - free confidential support for anyone struggling. Phone and webchat options. Crisis Textline -Text-based helpline for if you’re having a crisis or just need to talk.

IMAlive - webchat suicide helpline for those in crisis.

The Trevor Project - Crisis and suicide helpline for LGBTQ young people. Phone, text and webchat options.

NEDA - Eating disorders helpline with phone and webchat options.

YouthLine - teen-to-teen support helpline for ages 11-21. Phone, text, webchat and email options.

TeenLine - another teen-to-teen peer support helpline. Phone, text, or email options.

UK helplines

Samaritans - free confidential support for anyone struggling. Phone or email options.

Mind infoline - For information on mental illness and where to seek help. Phone or text options.

Childline - Help for under 18s, for any reason. Phone, email or webchat options.

B-eat - Eating disorder helpline - separate options for adults, students and youth. Phone and webchat options.

Self Injury Support - Helpline for women and girls who self harm. Phone, text and webchat options.

Anywhere with internet helplines

7 Cups - chat to trained active listeners online (for free), or professional therapists (for a fee).

Where can I get more information about mental health?

National Alliance on Mental Illness - Information on types of mental illness, advice on living with a mental health condition and on how to find support (in the USA).

Mental Health America - Information on types of mental illness, how to find treatment (in the USA) and how to promote good mental health.

Mind - Information on types of mental illness, self care advice and guides to the mental health treatment system (in the UK).

Helpguide - Guides and tips for coping with various mental health issues.

NHS - Tips and advice on mental health self care and treatments.

Time to Change - Information on mental health stigma and discrimination.

#advice #faq #mental health #mental illness #recovery

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salt-sass-and-lyrium · 6 years ago

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may i ask why you're becoming increasingly scared of the united states? if possible, can we also talk about the abortion law in Alabama (under friendly terms of course i don't want to victimize or target anyone)

I’m going to try and keep this short but know I won’t be able to because in reality the list is like this

and growing.

Here we go.

Note: This is all just off the top of my head, but I can provide sources for everything if needed

My state just banned abortions after 8 weeks, when most when don’t even know they’re pregnant. There’s been a decrease in resources available to pregnant women and children for ages and it’s not getting any better.

This is the same state that refused the medicaid expansion, so we’re extra fucked on health care

Remember the “legitimate rape” guy? Yeah, we elected him. He was one of ours.

Ferguson

Abortions are being banned before assault rifles.

It’s literally a serious debate as to whether or not minimum wage people deserve a livable wage.

We as a culture have just decided that school shootings are just ‘things that happen’ and ‘there’s nothing that can be done about them’.

A judge just ruled that the police at the Parkland shooting had no obligation to try and stop the shooting or protect the students.

Birth control is becoming more and more expensive and more and more scarce.

Planned Parenthoods and like institutions are being closed down nation wide for zero fucking reason, even in light of the fact that such closures lead to dramatic increases in STDs and unwanted pregnancies

The most common camp

My president is a racist, homophobic, reality TV show host who thinks windmills cause cancer. He quite literally has demonstrated he has no idea of how government or even money works. Oh, he’s also a proud sexual assaulter and adulterer.

My president has demonstrated time and time again, on about a daily basis, that he is not mentally sound or capable of doing the job, yet his own party refuses to do anything about it.

Since being in office, his policies and tariffs have fucked over the farming industry, and now other industries due to his fucking tariffs.

Said president put in place an EO that forced children to be separated from their families at the border for no legally justifiable reason.

This is still happening

We’ve since lost THOUSANDS of those children. Most of them will never be reunited with their families. And in many instances, young children who were reunited with their families often rejected them as they no longer recognized them. Don’t even get me started on the child trauma.

This was done as a tactic by the Republicans to blackmail the Democrats into funding the wall.

A majority of the country does not want a wall, border patrol included, but Trump is forcing it through anyway. Aside from being both useless and racist, it will cost tax payers billions an displace tons of American citizens.

Our healthcare system. Healthcare is horrific. A single hospital visit can easily put someone tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Many doctors refuse to see patients who do not have insurance, or who do not have ‘good enough’ insurance.

The most popular campaigns on sites like GoFundMe are for medical expenses. Frequently people have been dying because their campaigns fell short. Notably a young man died because he couldn’t afford insulin. He was $13 dollars short.

It is easier for me to purchase an assault rifle than for me to purchase and register a car.

I can buy guns at fucking Walmart

As an LGBTQ individual:

It’s still a debate as to whether or not I or people like me deserve basic human rights

My vice president supports conversion therapy. (He also calls his wife ‘Mother’ and no body seems willing to admit how weird that sounds)

There are still many active entities trying to repeal my right to marry whoever the fuck I want.

What transgender people have to go through. I’m just gonna leave it at that or we’ll be here all week.

As a woman:

Without insurance, my birth control, a 1 month supply, is $135.

Birth control is becoming increasingly more and more difficult to obtain, particularly for low income individuals.

Planned Parenthoods and like institutions are being shut down at an alarming rate, despite oodles of proof that this does not even remotely benefit the community, in fact, it harms it as there tends to be a massive spike in STDs

A man who raped a woman behind a dumpster got 6 months in prison but I’ve got family in jail for non violent weed charges.

It’s 2019 and people are still fervently rejecting the idea that women are equal and should be treated and paid equally.

The Georgia abortion ban

Rape culture

As a black woman:

Sandra Brown. Philando Castille. Mike Brown. Tamir Rice. Trayvon Martin. I’m going to stop naming names because I’m going to cry.

An unarmed black person getting gunned down by police is not even a rare occurrence. And it has almost never resulted in any real trouble for the police officer(s)

The fact that I’ve never touched a gun in my life but have had them pulled on me.

The fact that me and several of my friends took the subway with student passes. I was the only one stopped and interrogated because the officer refused to believe that I was a student. I have two degrees. All my friends were white, if that wasn’t obvious. I can’t count how many times I’ve been stopped and searched and publicly humiliated because I walked into a store and ‘totally must’ve stolen something.

Look at the incarceration

As a tax payer:

My government would rather spend money giving billionaires tax cuts then ensuring that children don’t go hungry

They would rather build a fucking wall that quite literally is going to do nothing to stop immigration than try and improve our infastructure

We spend more than the next 12 nations combined on our military for largely no reason at this point. We waste billions on technology that doesn’t even work.

We can’t provide free college for all but we can provide tax cuts and benefits to corporations that do not need them.

Measure after measure are being put in place to try and stop minorities from voting, notably in Georgia.

TL;DR: Given the way my country is headed, which is towards criminalizing my race, my sexuality, limiting the rights and resources of my gender and intentionally hindering advancement overall. Towards violence being the norm and children being short to death in kindergarten being nbd. I live in a country where the Vegas shooter who killed over 50 people and wounded hundreds more had headline articles run about how sweet of a man he was and how h was so generous he bought his grandmother a wheelchair but a literal child playing with a toy gun was called a criminal and demonized. I live in a country that does not value human life unless you are a heterosexual white Christian male. Or, more accurately, a wealthy, heterosexual white Christian male. Me just existing as I am is becoming more and more dangerous each day.

What specifically about the abortion law(s) would you like to talk about?

#abortion #america #racism #politics #us politics #trump #healthcare #sorry if that's not the most coherent i'm exhausted #Anonymous

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yourreddancer · 6 years ago

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What Working in An Abortion Clinic for 10 yrs. Taught Me

jplanner

I worked in an abortion clinic as a medical assistant in the 90s. We set up the procedure rooms and cleaned them after the procedure, took care of the equipment, and used sterile technique to handle the surgical instruments, passing them to the doctor. Most importantly, we supported women through the procedure, holding their hands usually, often talking to them about what was going on-or other distracting topics if they rather not know. We’d take the woman back from the waiting room to the procedure room and have her get undressed and positioned on the exam table (in the “usual position” women with good healthcare know well).

While I’d set up the room for the procedure, while waiting for the doctor to come in, usually the women would want to talk.I ended up hearing about women’s lives and their decisions that brought them to that moment. I figured it out once-if I talked to half the women I met, that’d be around 400, so if we were doing a research study “n” would be pretty high (the higher the “n”, the more accurate the study, generally). The youngest patient I ever had was 10. The oldest was 49 (a surprise but wanted pregnancy).

In thinking about the abortion “debate”, one thing that infuriates me is that many people don’t understand/ take into account that a woman, in making her choice, typically Takes On Advocacy for the Contents of Her Uterus herself. These self-proclaimed advocates for uterine contents (whatever the stage) are unnecessary. It pains me that women are so underestimated in how carefully they make this decision. As far as I’ve seen, it’s the nature of most people who get pregnant to automatically, consciously or not, consider the potentiality inside them as well when they are making their choice,.A pregnant 14 year olds, one that might be a trying, bratty teenager at home as many are, invariably is somber and responsible as she weighs her decision, hoping she is doing the right thing.

There were so many compelling reasons women chose to get an abortion, so many more than it seems people who call themselves “pro-life”, and in the reality of draconian decisions like GA, are actually forced-birthers, seem to imagine. Being in the Northeast, our pro-lifers tended (and afaik still tend) to be non-extremists (they wouldn’t force pregnancy that’d hurt a woman’s health, or if she were a victim of rape or incest). I think many of the 35% of Americans who are less liberal around abortion rights than I’d like are like this. They can’t imagine scenarios such as these, which all in one way or another take into account the theoretical well being of any potential child and/or society, which of course, contributes to the well being of children at large.

“I am not ready/this is the wrong to have a baby” and “I want to finish college ” or “this man is abusive and this baby will tie me to him” or “My family will disown me” or “Most of my friends with babies dropped out of high school and I don’t want to “ or “I am not someone who wants to be a mother right now” (do we want a baby raised by someone who doesn’t want to be a mother? Some people rise to the occasion but I’m telling you unwanted children who stress parents too much are easily abused) or “I’m not ready for this baby but I can’t go through a pregnancy without emotional harm (so much of “it’s easy just give it up for adoption!””. Or “if I carry this baby I’m not sure I’ll be able to give it up for adoption and I can’t raise a child right now/ever” (REASON why “why not just give it up for adoption” Does. Not. Work for some women. People attach to what they carry for 9 months inside of their body.) This one, related, was common “If I bare this pregnancy to term, even if I hope to give i won’t be able to raise it properly and/or it will change my life/potential/future family in a negative way”. or “My husband and I won’t be able to send our kids to college if we have this baby”. or “How will we afford childcare for another one”. Or “we will have to sell our house-we can’t afford this”. Or “I can’t handle carrying my rapist’s baby. I can barely deal with having the speculum inserted in my vagina as it is. That’s why i need to be fully sedated for this abortion.

Or. “I’m too young for this; I’m only 12”, I heard more than once. And of course, 13, 14, 15, etc.

About 1 in 15 of our abortions were later 2nd trimester (after 16 wks-we did up to 23 back then, though legal to 24,they’ll only do up to 21-22 now). Every. Single. Woman who I talked to had an extremely compelling reason to get an abortion that late. That’s not just a lip-service story pro-choice advocates tell. ALL of them were things like fetal demise, organs formed outside of the body, anencephaly. Crying women and their husbands or boyfriends or alone with very much wanted pregnancies. 13 year olds who didn’t know they were pregnant until their mother noticed them coming out of the shower-the were in denial. That was not uncommon in our youngest patients. Many teenagers under 16 or so didn’t know that they could get pregnant without penetration. And denial until they started showing and realized they were pregnant (healthy teens often won’t show for sure until well into the second semester).

Guess what, forced birthers. Second trimester abortions aren’t because women don’t care. I’d say about 1/3rd of our later term patients were just kids. I feel certain that many of the men who chuckle at their willful ignorance of women’s bodies and pregnancies they are legislating about, don’t know this: A young girl usually had irregular periods in the first few years. You can’t be sure if you even missed your period! Guess what else—you can even get pregnant before you get your period. I remember several Children (one was 11) that happened to. Rape victims, or those who mentioned it (it was more taboo to talk about in the 90s I think) seemed more likely to come in later, incest victims -that we knew of -were all quite late in the pregnancy. We had a prisoner who was raped by a guard. For some reason I took upon myself, crazy at 24, to bar the door to her guard as she lay splay-legged on the procedure table.

The 10 year old who came in with her mom and dad for an abortion? She was raped by her neighbor. She sobbed the whole time.

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