#most of it is kinda crack..... i threw in my humour

[rikiconne]

y'all won't believe it. i finally finished heeseung's fic

actually feeling so giggly rn. buzzing with excitement even

now to finish riki's fic 🫡 and HOPEFULLY (fingers crossed) start working on a few ideas i've had in my notes

If you can tell, i really like childhood friends/friends to lovers fics (my comfort honestly)

someone convince me to finish these (both have been in my docs unfinished for so long 😭)

(both titles are probably not gonna stay the same? idk i like riki's title, but i have a diff idea for hee)

(edit: guys i just realized i typed riki's title wrong. ig this is what i get for posting half awake)

[crimesandcuriosities]

"This is getting to be restraining order level crazy. I'm not kidding... She just really needs help."

In early 2011, 27 year old lawyer Ryan Poston was browsing Facebook when he came across pictures of 18 year old university student Shayna Hubers posing in a bikini. They began talking, and by Spring of that year the two had met and begun dating. However, it soon became apparent that Shayna was significantly more invested in the relationship than Ryan was, and the cracks already began to show. 

Ryan was becoming increasingly concerned by Shayna’s obsessive behaviour, and he was ready to break it off for good. For every one text Ryan would send, Shayna would send fifty. Despite living almost 80 miles apart - Shayna in Kentucky and Ryan in Ohio - she would constantly turn up unannounced to his home and let herself in. She had even Googled how to pick locks using hair pins. On one particular night in April 2012, Shayna outright refused to leave Ryan’s home, so he fled his own property and stayed at his dad’s house just to escape her. Jay Poston, Ryan’s father, would later testify that his son’s phone did not stop pinging all night.

By October 2012, during the 18 months they had spent together so far, the couple had broken up and got back together on numerous occasions; usually because Shayna would cry and Ryan would feel sorry for her. However, this time he’d had enough. In a text sent to his cousin, who was also Shayna’s friend, he wrote: "This is getting to be restraining order level crazy. I'm not kidding... You need to talk to her... She needs help, and I say that without exaggeration.” To another friend, he also messaged: "Literally probably the craziest fucking person I have ever met. She almost scares me.”

During the afternoon of October 12th - believing that he was now free from Shayna - Ryan was preparing for a date with another woman. Her name was Audrey Bolte (pictured bottom), and she was also Miss Ohio and a Miss USA runner-up that year. Before leaving work, he had excitedly told colleagues that he was taking a beauty queen out for a drink that night. However, instead of sharing Ryan’s positivity, one coworker replied: “I'm very nervous about what you're doing tonight because who knows what Shayna will do. You need to get her gone. I need you to call the police. I need you to call a locksmith. I need you to make it very final.” While Ryan reassured them that he had the situation with Shayna under control, he was sadly unaware that he would not make it to his date that night.

After hearing that Ryan was taking out a beautiful pageant winner, Shayna became consumed by an inconsolable, jealous rage. Once again - and for the last time - she turned up to her ex-boyfriend’s condo and an argument broke out between them. During this exchange, Shayna reached for one of Ryan’s firearms lying on the dining table and fired six bullets into him. After firstly calling her mother to confess what she had done, Shayna eventually dialled for emergency services after some delay, during which she immediately began to claim self-defence:

Hubers: He beat me and tried to carry me out of the house and I came back in to get my things and he was right in front of me and he reached down and grabbed the gun and I grabbed it out of his hand and pulled the trigger.

911 operator: And how long ago did you shoot him?

Hubers: I don't know, 15 ... 10, 15 minutes ... not even that long.

911 operator: 10 or 15 minutes ago?

Hubers: Yeah.

Shayna also claimed that Ryan threw her across the room and into a bookshelf. However, upon inspecting the scene, investigators noted that none of the loose objects placed on the shelves had been disturbed. In fact, there was a line of bullets standing upright on one shelf, which most certainly would have toppled over if the bookshelf was moved in any way - but they hadn’t.

After being brought into the police station, Shayna was left alone for a few minutes and watched from a different room by officers. During this time, she paced the room, danced and sang “Amazing Grace”. She was also heard muttering to herself: “I did it. Yes, did it!” During police questioning, despite requesting the presence of an attorney, Shayna voluntarily divulged a significant amount of information about what happened. One particular statement proved to be quite bizarre and incriminating:

“And he was laying with his face on the table, like twitching. And so I knew he was gonna die... And I walked around the table [cries]. And I think that's when I shot him... in the head. I shot him probably six times, shot him in the head. He fell onto the ground. He was, like, laying like this [she gets down on the floor]. His glasses were still on. He was twitching some more. I shot him a couple of more times just to make sure he was dead 'cause I didn't wanna watch him die... I knew he was gonna die or have a completely deformed face. He's very vain... and wants to get a nose job; just that kinda person and I shot him right here... I gave him his nose job he wanted”

Numerous people who knew Shayna did not believe her claims of self-defence from the offset. According to a former friend who had grown up with Hubers, she was extremely academically intelligent, but on the other hand she was extremely volatile and fragile when it came to boys: "If a guy, like, broke up with her or something or if a guy just said they weren't interested in her she would take it pretty hard... crying and maybe a little screaming... she didn't really like to let things go." Also, according to one of Ryan’s female friends, Shayna was described as follows: "She was so cold. You could just immediately tell... she was just obsessed with him... I think she had a goal, in the beginning, to make him settle down with her. And when she wasn't becoming successful, that became a problem."

Forensic evidence used by the prosecution refuted that Hubers had acted in self-defence, as an examination of gunshot trajectories showed that the victim had been sitting when the first shot was fired. He also would not have been able to stand after receiving the first head wound, therefore rebutting Hubers’ claims that she fired multiple shots because Ryan was still chasing her. Neighbours living in the apartment below Ryan’s also reported hearing two gunshots, followed by hesitation and then a further three shots, indicating that Shayna had paused with enough time to process her actions and realise that Ryan was already incapacitated.

Those who testified for the prosecution, including Audrey Bolte, spoke of the victim’s humour and gentle nature. According to those closely aware of the tumultuous relationship, Ryan was extremely non-confrontational and often sought help with escaping the toxic cycle he had become entangled in with Shayna. Friends argued that he prolonged his own torment by remaining in the relationship just to avoid upsetting her, and ultimately this thoughtfulness was the catalyst for his own demise. Although Hubers had attempted to argue that she was a victim of relentless emotional and physical abuse at the hands of Ryan, the jury - like family, friends and acquaintances - did not buy it. She was found guilty of murder in April 2015.

Following a retrial in 2018, Shayna Hubers was ultimately sentenced to life imprisonment with the possibility of parole. She is currently incarcerated at Kentucky Correctional Institute for Women and may be considered for parole in 2032. If parole is granted, she will have served 17 years in total for Ryan Poston’s murder.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever

A Very Rogers Christmas. Part 2- You Gotta Be Kitten Me.

Summary: Christmas draws ever nearer and the two eldest littles in the Rogers household break up from school from the holidays, and Jamie is given his first taste of independence…and brings a few surprises home as a consequence.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, talks of violence…a little bit of actual violence and Katie acting like a hell cat!

A/N: You can find Part 1 of my Stark Spangled 2020 Christmas special- A Very Rogers Christmas. HERE.    Part 3 will be posted next week.

SSF Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist 

Katie walked into the bathroom where Steve was stood, his top half bare, towel round his waist as he gently examined his face. Katie stopped to take him in, his broad shoulders still beaded with drops of water from his shower, his back muscles rippling as he turned this way and that way, tilting his body as he stared at his reflection.

Katie could see in his eyes that he was lost, battling with those little doubts that every now and then would niggle away in his brain ever since he had noticed the changes to his body some two years ago. He was petrified the serum was going to disappear overnight and leave him back to his previous state, small and weak, but both Katie and Banner had reassured him that wasn't going to happen. What he was seeing now was it gradually depleting, a process Banner had predicted from various tests would take twenty more year or so. And besides, as Katie had reminded him, there was nothing weak about Steve Rogers. That said, she understood as well as anyone what it was like to deal with your body changing. Having carried four children she now had wider hips, a soft stomach, bigger chest and she knew full well that by the time Christmas was over she'd be about twelve pound heavier and be on a diet for two months to shift said Christmas weight, but she was beyond the point of caring. Where once it had made her feel sick to look at herself, now, seeing her kids each day was a reminder of just why she had changed, and what was a few extra inches here and there when you had a gorgeous family to show for it?

Plus Steve adored her. She knew that. He took any and every chance he could to touch her and remind her how beautiful he thought she was. And she felt the same about him. Whilst he wasn't quite as defined as he had been once upon a time, his hard, chiselled abs had been replaced with a flat but softer stomach, his pectoral muscles also ever so slightly less pronounced, he was beyond perfect to her. She loved his softer body, and yes he complained his knees cracked and ached a little if he over did it on the running, and sometimes his back gave him a twinge every now and then, but he was fit, healthy and had a physique most men would die for. He was also still ridiculously strong. He could roughhouse with Jamie all day long, he could sweep Rori up in one hand and tuck her under his arm whilst she squealed with laughter, he could throw Emmy over his shoulder with easy, he could lift Harry and Flossie up one in each hand with no trouble, and he could pick Katie up and toss her around the bedroom like she was a ragdoll, which suited her just fine. With a smile, Katie gently dropped the clothes she was carrying into the hamper and moved behind him, her hands slipping to his belly, spraying flat against his skin as she pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder. "Get out of your head, Soldier." Steve gave a soft smile as his hands lay over hers, as she peeked round him, their eyes locking in the mirror and he let out a sigh. "I was just thinking, that's all." "I can tell." She nuzzled the top of his arm "You had your thinking face on." He gave her another smile, his right hand teaching up to his chin and he gently rubbed his beard "I was just debating whether or not to shave." "Don't you dare!" Katie narrowed her eyes and he chuckled. "Yeah, didn't think you'd take it well." "Why do you wanna shave?" She frowned. "You've had a beard now for years. I thought you liked it as it keeps you on the low mostly." "I do." He shrugged, tipping his head to the side slightly. “But I don’t like all this grey that appears to get worse every morning." Katie arched an eyebrow as she slid round to face him, Steve stepping back to allow her to stand in the space between him and the basin unit. She glanced up, examining the dark whiskers which adorned his chin and cheeks, spattered intermittently with lighter blonde, auburn and an increasing amount of grey. "Well, I’m a big fan," she mused, standing on her tip toes to brush her lips over his jaw, the pads of her fingers cupping his cheeks. "And I also happen to think you're fucking gorgeous either way. If you wanna murder it, go ahead." "You talk about it as it it’s a living, breathing thing." Steve scoffed, his hands falling to her hips. "Well it’s that glorious it could be." She smiled and he laughed. "Look, I promise you, the only person who’s noticing it so much is you, but if it's bothering you why don't you just trim it a little before you completely get rid? Then you can see how you feel when it's shorter."

“Yeah, maybe.” he glanced at the mirror again as Katie’s hands slid to the top of his shoulders, smoothing up and over until they reached round his neck, the fingers of her right hand gently tangling in the strands of his hair at the back of his head.

“As long as you don’t shave all this off when it starts going grey too.” She teased and he rolled his eyes and gave her an exasperated look as she pondered something. “Actually, you’d probably suit a buzz cut.”

“Shut up.” He looked at her and she grinned as her eyes flashed mischievously.

“Mind you, I like having something here to tug.” she pulled his hair slightly causing his head to tip back a little before she released him, biting her lip, a cheeky glint in her eyes.

“You are incorrigible.” He smirked, dropping his head to catch her lips.

“Shut up and put that silver on me, Soldier.” She grinned against his mouth and Steve couldn’t help the little growl that rumbled in his throat at her words. In an easy movement he’d picked her up and perched her on the unit in front of him, causing a dirty little giggle to fly from her lips which he swallowed with his mouth. He kissed her, long and hard, his hands splaying on her back as her legs locked around his hips, the pair of them laughing in between the kisses and just as Katie’s hands moved to untuck the edge of the towel round Steve’s waist they heard Rori yelling that she couldn’t find her Snowman sweater and Steve gave a groan, his forehead resting against Katie’s, his eyes closed.

“You know, I love out kids, I would die for them but sometimes, well I swear to God they get their bad timing skills from your brother, her especially.”

Katie chuckled as her eyes opened and locked onto Steve’s which were twinkling with good humour.

“Yeah, there’s no doubting she has a lot of Stark in her.”

“Not to mention she’s a dramatic ass.” Steve snorted as Katie laughed

“Yeah that too.”

“You know, your dad would have been crazy about her.” He added as he stepped back to allow Katie to hop down from the unit.

“Maybe, I don’t remember enough about him to agree or otherwise,” she mused, “but I know if Tony were still here he would adore her.”

“Yeah, he would.” Steve agreed. “And as a result she’d be calling me Capsicle instead of Daddy.”

Katie laughed and gently gave his cheek a kiss “I’ll go start breakfast, can you sort Harry and Floss?”

“Sure.” He kissed her gently watching as she left the room.

Katie found Rori’s sweater, much to her daughter’s excitement and then they headed downstairs where Jamie was already sat eating a bowl of cereal. She smiled at him and he wished her good morning before he offered to get Rori’s cheerio’s for her. Rori grinned at him and nodded so Katie left the two of them to it whilst she threw some toast in for her and Steve and turned to see Jamie had also grabbed Harry’s bowl from the cupboard and was busy measuring him some cereal out for him too.

“Thanks Jamie.” She smiled.

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. There was a moment’s pause as Katie threw on a pot of coffee before he spoke again. “Actually, mom, I kinda wanted to ask you something.”

Katie paused, and turned around smiling “You buttering me up?”

“No, that’s not…” he began floundering for excuses the same way Steve did before he rolled his eyes when he saw Katie grinning. “Rude.”

She laughed “Okay, sorry sweetie. What is it?”

“Well, I was wondering if me and Seb could go to the park after school.”

“I wanna go to the park, too!”  Rori nodded and Katie shrugged.

“I don’t see why not. Sure your dad will take you for an hour when I make dinner.”

“No, I mean on our own.” Jamie looked at Katie “I thought we could like walk home and stop off for an hour.”

“You want to walk home from school, with Seb, and go to the park?” Katie clarified and Jamie nodded. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

"Why not?"

"You're ten." She said flatly as she mixed Flossie’s porridge and moved to the microwave. "I know you're growing up now but..." "I'll be with Seb" Jamie pleaded "It’s not that far to walk, and I’ll call you.” His eyes lit up as if he had found some kind of huge bargaining chip “Like, when I'm leaving school and when we get to the park and then every ten minutes after. And we’ll be home for five for dinner. I promise.” Katie sighed, shutting the microwave door as she bit her lip. She has been dreading this day, when Jamie staked his first claim on wanting some independence. And here it was, a request to go to the park after the schools broke up for Christmas.  It wasn't that she didn't want him to go, far from it. Her and Steve were keen that, despite their background, the kids all had as normal an upbringing as possible. But now she was torn. Jamie was pushing eleven and would start middle school next time round. She wanted to give him a little more responsibility yet in the same breath also wasn't sure she was completely comfortable with the idea of him and Seb walking home from school alone.

At that point Steve walked into the kitchen, Flossie in his arms and a dressed Harry bounding behind him as he was gabbling on about something.

"Everything okay?" He frowned, instantly spotting the look on Katie's face.

"Jamie wants to walk home today, via the park." She said, looking at him and Steve took a deep breath "And I'm not sure I like the idea."

Steve shook his head."Neither do I."

"But daaaaad!" Jamie groaned “It’s Christmas."

"That doesn't mean all rules get suspended, or that you can simply do as you please." Steve shrugged, dropping Flossie into her high chair as Harry scrambled up to the place at the table his cereal bowl was waiting for him. "Besides which it’s freezing outside."

That was a crap excuse, and Steve knew it, as it wasn't like he couldn't wrap up or that he'd never been allowed to play out in the snow before. Jamie groaned and as Steve shot him a look, his shoulders slumped and his eyes dropped down.

"Fine. It doesn't matter. Forget I asked. Can I leave the table? I need to get dressed."

“Me too.” Rori added and Katie nodded. There was the loud scraping of chairs across the floor as they both moved and Jamie stood up and walked dejectedly out of the room, Rori following behind. As soon as they were gone Katie turned to Steve and gave a sigh.

"Are we being too harsh?" She bit her lip as the microwave dinged and she turned to open the door. "I mean..."

"Honey, don't do this." Steve looked at her, as she mixed the porridge around before testing the temperature. “You always second guess your decisions"

"I just feel bad." She shrugged as she carried the bowl over to the table. "I mean he doesn’t ask for a lot, he never gets in trouble or causes any problems, not like that Diva upstairs. Maybe, oh I dunno, ignore me. You're right."

“Here, I’ll do that.” Steve said gently, taking the bowl from her, allowing her to collect Jamie and Rori’s empty dishes. He sat down next to his youngest where he started to feed her, Flossie making excited noises at the first spoon full and Steve grinned, his face positively beaming as the baby eagerly took her porridge.

A minute or so later Katie placed a plate of toast and coffee down for him before grabbing her own and settling down to eat.

"You got many meetings today?" Steve asked, he himself having finished work the previous week.  Katie shook her head.

"Just going in to clear my inbox and wish everyone Merry Christmas. I'll be done by lunch. Not even worth me going to the Tower, but I want to say it in person. Plus Pep's gonna be there so..."

"Well, how about me, Harry and this little sprout come with you?  I can take them round Central Park for the morning and we can get something to eat when you're done." "Sounds good." She smiled. "Just don't tell the other two. Rori was already kicking off about the fact they get to stay home with you and she doesn't."

"Well Rori can get over herself." Steve scoffed taking a bite of toast as Katie snorted.

"That as maybe, but I’d rather not deal with a second disappointed kid this morning if I can help it."

"Don’t let it bother you.” Steve shook his head and Katie swallowed her coffee and wrinkled her nose.

"I just don't want him thinking we don't trust him. I mean is the park really a hard no? It’s not in a bad area and we can practically see it from the rooms upstairs."

Steve pondered for a moment. "I guess not. But it's a fair way to walk home from school. It’s a good twenty minutes or so. And there's a lot of roads to cross, not all of them safe."

"So maybe there's a compromise?" Katie looked at him. "What if we said no to the walk but yes to an hour or so play time? That way give him a little leeway, show him we trust him."

Steve took a deep breath "What you thinking?”

"Maybe if we dropped him and Seb at the park or something. I'll call Seb's mom, check she's okay with it, I mean he's staying here tonight but I don't want to do anything she isn't happy with. If she is then..."

Steve pondered what she was saying for a moment, grappling with his inner voice. On the one hand he knew Katie was right, Jamie was a good, responsible kid. On the other hand he worried. It was common knowledge Jamie was the son of two Avengers, and it still petrified him that it could result in someone using him to get to them. That said, just as with Emmy, he knew he couldn't bubble wrap him forever.

"Okay." Steve nodded. "See what Sebastian's parents say. If they’re fine then I guess we can run with it."

**** Half an hour or so later, Jamie and Rori were ready for school, Rori bounding around loudly singing ‘All I Want For Christmas’ whilst Jamie was a little more subdued, and Steve could tell he was fighting his desire to sulk at the fact they'd said no to his earlier request. Unlike Rori, Jamie rarely threw temper tantrums when he didn't get what he wanted. He merely retreated into himself a little, but recently he'd grown up even more and simply tried to get over whatever it was that was irritating him without trying to feel hard done by. Another sign he was growing up.

As he thanked Katie, albeit a little quietly when she told him she'd packed him an extra few pieces of cake to share with his friends, she glanced at Steve who nodded to her and she loudly made a show of taking Rori, Flossie and Harry to the car leaving Steve and his eldest boy alone as he locked up the house.

"Jamie," Steve locked the door and turned to him as Jamie stood patiently waiting at the bottom of the stoop. "Me and your Ma have had a chat, she talked to Seb's mom and we decided you can both go to the park." "Really?" Jamie's eyes lit up. "Yes but on a couple of conditions." "Sure Dad. Anything." "I pick you all up from school. We'll walk home, and I'll drop you off on the way through." Steve said, "You and Seb can walk behind or ahead of us, whatever, I don't care. Then you have to promise you call us to check in every fifteen minutes and it’s for an hour tops. And, as you said, dinner at five so make sure you're home." "Okay, I promise." "I trust you." Steve looked at him, nodding "So does your mom, don't give us reason not to"

"I won't." Jamie beamed at him as they walked to the car "Thanks dad."

Steve smiled and reached out, ruffling his hair which earned him a moan of complaint as Jamie pulled away.

"You're ruining my style!" He hastily shoved Steve gently in the side as he pushed his hands upwards to flatten it all back down and Steve chuckled before he studied his eldest boy, a conflicting feeling of happy sadness washed over him.

They were all growing up far too fast. **** At just gone midday, Steve strolled into the reception area of the once more named Stark Tower. He could have gone in the back entrance from the underground car park but Katie had told him to bring the kids into the foyer so they could see the tree, and he instantly knew why. It was stood next to the plinth in the middle of the large entrance rotunda which bore one of Tony's Iron Man suits that had been arranged in his signature palms out pose a few years back as a permanent memorial to his brother in law. The tree was huge, decked out in scarlet and gold, and the Iron Man suit had a Santa Hat on its head. He smiled, remembering the Christmas in the tower where he, Clint and Bruce had all taken it in turns to deck the Iron Legion bots out in the same hats, much to Tony's exasperation at the time.

"Look, Daddy!" Harry exclaimed excitedly as he spotted the hat "Uncle Nee is Santa!"

"I can see, buddy!" Steve chuckled as the young boy ran towards the suit, staring up at it. "Think it suits him?"

"Yep!" Harry nodded, his eyes focussed up before he turned to Steve. "I need one"

"A hat?" Steve asked, looking at him. “Well, I’m sure we can find one-“

"No, not a hat!” Jamie giggled “ A Iron Man suit."

Steve scoffed "No chance."

Just as Harry turned to look back at the suit once more, the elevator door opened and Katie walked out with Pepper. Pepper, as always, was dressed in a crisp grey suit and a pair of heels whereas Katie was in a pair of jeans, a Stark Industries hoody and a pair of knee high boots, her hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her coat was open and her scarf was loosely looped around her neck, woollen hat in her hands. Steve smiled at her as she greeted Harry who ran towards her and she picked him up. He gave his mom a kiss before he leaned over to wrap his arms around his Auntie's neck.

"Hi Sweetheart." Pepper beamed at him

"Hi Auntie Pep." He grinned before he wriggled a little so Katie placed him down as Steve approached giving her a soft kiss before he pecked his sister-in-law on the cheek.

"Hey Pep." He smiled as she gave him a hug.

"Hi Steve and hi baby!" She waggled her fingers at Flossie who beamed back and mimicked her actions. "God she's so big now."

"Yeah she's mastered the art of crawling. Poor Stark bolts from the room now to hide." Katie chuckled as she did up her coat.

"Auntie Pep, who put the hat on Uncle Nee?" Harry asked and Pepper looked at him, then to the Iron Man suit and snorted. "Your mommy"

"Why am I not surprised?" Steve looked at Katie and she shrugged.

"Tone loved Christmas much as me, he would approve." She tightened her scarf around her neck before she turned to Pepper "Can I change your mind about lunch?"

Pepper shook her head "I need to finish a few things then get to pick Moo up. But you guys enjoy and we'll see you in a couple of days for Christmas Eve."

"Sure?"

"Positive." Pepper nodded.

After bidding Pepper a good bye the four of them headed out into the cold December air and took their lunch at a little Italian not far from Grand Central. It was a nice way for Katie to finish work for the holidays and when they’d finished they took a walk so the younger kids could go and see the tree by the Rockefeller Centre. Flossie was mesmerised by ice skaters, Steve lifting her from the stroller so she could take a closer look whilst Harry tugged on Katie’s hand, pulling her closer to the tree to investigate.

Eventually it was time to head back to pick Jamie and Rori up from school. Katie dropped Steve by the gate where he collected them, plus Seb, and they set off on the twenty minute or so walk back, the two boys staying slightly ahead of him and Rori. As predicted, she begged for some time on the park and Steve acquiesced and they bounced from the swings to the slide before he told her it was time they headed home. He gave the boys strict instructions not to get into trouble or be late, and he left them to it, a gnawing, anxious feeling brewing in his chest as he made the three minute walk back to their house.

However, it all seemed to be okay. Jamie rang like clockwork as promised after fifteen minutes, then thirty, then forty-five, and when the security system sounded at the gate to announce that Jamie was home at three minutes to five, Steve finally relaxed.

That was until he heard Katie scream from the hallway.

“Jamie! Oh my God! What the hell happened?”

In a flash he was off the rug where he had been colouring with Harry and hurried into the entrance hall, stopping dead, his chest constricting as he saw his boy with a split lip, an already bruising cheek and eye and a slightly torn jacket collar.

“It wasn’t his fault Mrs Rogers.” Seb started to protest as Katie gently cupped Jamie’s face to examine his bruises.

“Are you hurt, Jamie?” Harry frowned as he looked at his brother from where he had followed Steve and Jamie shook his head.

“I’m okay Harry.”

“You don’t look okay.” Katie’s face was contorted in worry as Steve strode forward.

“Mom, I’m fine.” Jamie assured her “Honestly.”

“The other four boys aint.” Seb sniggered and at that Katie balked.

“Four? You were fighting with four other boys?” she stuttered and Steve gently touched her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down a little. Jamie was roughed up, he could see that, but after his initial shock he’d fast realised his boy’s injuries were superficial, and that most of the blood on his grey jacket wasn’t actually his…

“Honey, why don’t you go grab-“ Steve began but Rori cut him off, shocking Steve a little as he hadn’t realised she’d joined them.

“What’s in your coat?” she demand, pointed to the front of Jamie’s jacket. Steve glanced down and noticed that there was a slight bulge there, and it was moving.

“Jamie?” Steve nodded to it and Jamie looked up at him.

“They were hurting it.” He said softly, undoing his zip to reveal a tiny black and white kitten with bright blue eyes, and behind him, Steve heard Rori give a gasp.

“A kitty?”

“That’s why I got in the fight.” Jamie ignored his sister, his eyes fixed firmly on the kitten before he looked up at his mom. “I told them to stop but they were throwing stones at her and when she tried to run away they grabbed her tail and pulled her over. I think her leg is broken.”

“It’s true.” Seb insisted as Katie let out a sigh, gently reaching out for the cat which gave a loud shriek in protest as she picked it up.

“How do you know it’s a her?” Rori asked, her eyes fixed on the cat as Katie gently held it close to her chest.

“Because she doesn’t have a penis.” Jamie shot back and Steve gave an exasperated groan.

“Jamie!”

“What?” his son looked up at him. “It’s true!”

“Okay.” Katie cut over them both. “Take her by the fire to warm up.” She instructed, passing the protesting animal to Steve. He gently took the kitten, frowning as he could feel her bony spine as the tiny animal shivered in his large hand, from fright or cold, possibly both. “Jamie, into the kitchen so I can clean you up.”

“Mom, I’m sorry.” he sighed “I know you’re gonna be angry I was fighting but they really were hurting her.”

“I’m not mad.” She assured him, shaking her head “You did a good thing just…” she sighed trailing off “Go, kitchen.”

He looked at Steve who gave him a nod and he trudged off, Seb following.

“Hey, he’s okay.” Steve looked at her and she ran her hand over her face “Looks a damned site better than I used to when I came home to my Ma after a fight.”

“He was fighting four of them.” She practically squeaked and Steve took a deep breath.

“And from the looks of it, he came off better.” Steve mused, before Rori tugged at his jeans.

“Daddy can I see the kitty?”

“Me too!” Harry nodded eagerly.

“Go grab her a blanket from the cupboard under the stairs.” Steve instructed “And you can both sit with her in the lounge okay?”

“Okay!” Rori bounded off and Katie shook her head before she wandered into the downstairs bathroom and came out with the first aid kit. Without another word she headed into the kitchen where Jamie was shrugging off his jacket.

“Sit.” She instructed him, before she grabbed a bowl and filled it with warm water. Jamie obediently parked himself on a chair, Seb taking up the one on the other side of the table as Katie pulled a chair round and sat opposite her son and began to gently wipe his face with the cotton wool. He winced a little as she mopped the blood from around his lip and the dirt down the side of his face, taking care to be gently around his bruising cheek and eye, but other than that he showed no sign of injury. Just as she’d finished, and was retrieving an ice pack for him from the freezer, Steve walked into the room, stopping to examine Jamie’s face.

“That’s going to be an impressive black eye, son.” He mused, before he sighed, moving so his back was resting against the kitchen island, arms folded “So, what happened?”

“We were just about to head home, as it was cold anyway and we thought we’d come back a bit early but as we passed the corner there were four boys from the elementary school by the bush and they were prodding something with a stick.” Jamie began to explain, pressing the ice pack to the side of his face “When we passed I heard it crying so I told them to stop. They just swore at me and then one picked up a stone and threw it. That’s when I saw the cat and it fell over, making a horrible noise.” Jamie swallowed and bowed his head “Then when the pulled its tail, I just kinda lost it. I know I shouldn’t have done it but I pushed the one who had thrown the rock over and went to grab the cat, but then they all just started punching and kicking us.”

“I got a jab in.” Seb said, almost excitedly as Steve looked at him, arching an eyebrow, “But Jamie, man, he was something else. Took two down, WHAM, and then then pulled the third away from me. Then they all kinda ran away after that.”

“Elementary school.” Katie swallowed “How old were they Jamie?”

“One of them was Lisa Bradley’s older brother, she’s in my class.” Jamie mused, the ice pack pressed to his face “I think she said he was like 13 or something?”

“Not that it matters.” Seb grinned “Jamie’s like the same size as them, bigger than one of them actually.”

“I didn’t hit him.” Jamie shook his head “Just pushed him away when he swung at me.” He looked at his dad, pleading with his eyes for his father to believe him, which Steve did. His son wasn’t a liar. “I didn’t want to fight with someone smaller. You told me bullying is wrong.”

Steve took a deep breath, the pride welling in his chest “It is, son, but it sounds to me like he’s a bully, not you. Size isn’t everything all the time.”

Jamie shrugged, then his shoulders slumped “I ruined it didn’t I?”

“Ruined what?” Katie asked.

“You trusting me. You’ll never let me go to the park on my own again.”

Steve looked at Katie, before he turned to his son “I don’t recall us saying that.”

“But I got in a fight, and ripped my jacket. I know that was expensive and-”

“Jamie, we don’t care about your jacket.” Katie shook her head, “The rate you’re growing at it most likely won’t fit you for much longer anyway.” She sighed, “Look, hitting people isn’t right. And no, maybe you shouldn’t have started it but, we’re never going to get mad at you for standing up for yourself or someone, well something in this case, that needs help.” Katie looked at her son, smiling gently. “You did a good thing, fighting…well, I don’t like the fact you were involved in one but…”

“So you’re not gonna ground me?”

“No.” Steve shook his head.

“Even if their parent’s come round and start shouting and stuff?”

“We’ll worry about that if or when it happens.” Katie spoke, her voice was calm but Steve noticed her shoulders draw back a little and he had to fight the smirk on his face. She was an absolute hell cat where her kids were involved and he almost pitied the first parent to complain about Jamie’s behaviour. They’d feel the full on wrath of her Stark temper, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. With a deep breath she stood up, “Now, you boys thirsty? I got some peach tea if you want it?”

“My favourite!” Seb beamed “You’re the best Mrs R!”

With a soft smile, Katie gathered the bowl of dirty water and cotton pads and turned towards the sink. As she passed Steve he gently pushed away from the counter, reaching out to stop her. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and she took a deep breath, as she saw the tension leave her body before she continued across the kitchen.

“I’ll go check on the cat, make sure Rori hasn’t dressed it in a tutu or something.” He said, making for the door.

“I think she needs to go to the vet.” Jamie looked at him, “She was hurt real bad.”

Steve looked at Katie as she had pulled the jug of tea from the fridge. “Okay, if she needs to go I can take her whilst you guys have dinner.”

“You sure?” Steve looked at her and she nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll call them, see if John Mason is working.”

“I like him.” Jamie nodded “He was really kind with Lucky, and he’s nice to Stark too.”

With a nod, Katie moved from the room, calling out to Rori and Steve made to follow, stopping by Jamie as he did so, placing his hand on his shoulder.

“I’m proud of you, Son.” Steve’s head cocked to one side as Jamie looked up at him “We both are.”

“Thanks Dad.” He smiled softly.

“Just, maybe try not to take four of them on at once next time.” Steve arched an eyebrow. “Not that there should be a next time, but if there is…just don’t. You’ll give your Ma a heart attack.”

******

 “It’s not broken.” John Mason said, looking a Katie. “Just dislocated. To be honest the malnutrition and dehydration is more of a worry along with the nasty infection she has in her ear. Poor thing has been through the wars.”

“Yeah, she feels very skinny.” Katie sighed “She going to be ok?”

“Next forty-eight hours will be critical.” The vet straightened up. “We’ll get her on a drip and see if we can locate an owner. She’s not chipped so chances are that won’t happen. But if she makes it we’ll get her in at the shelter.”

Katie nodded “Could you keep me updated on how she is? My son got into a bit of a punch up during his efforts to rescue her.”

Mason smiled “Absolutely.”

“Thanks. Oh and you can send the bill to me. I’ll front it, not the rescue.”

“That’s very kind Mrs Rogers.” he smiled “I’ll be in touch.”

Katie left the vets, rubbing her temple. She had a banging headache and needed a fucking stiff drink. She drove the short distance home, and frowned as she pulled up their drive. Steve was stood on the stoop, in full on Captain mode if his body language was anything to go by. His hands were on his belt buckle, broad shoulders squared, face set in a furious expression as he faced off against a pair of people stood at the bottom of the steps, the woman waving her hands excitedly. Katie let out a groan, as she would lay odds on these being the irate parents of one of the boys Jamie had been in a fight with, but her groan turned into a growl as the woman stepped up to Steve, pushing him in the chest. In a flash she was out of the car and ran over, gripping the lady by her hair and yanking her backwards down the stoop before she released her, shoving her harshly on the shoulder. The woman stumbled back a little, into the man who was stood there looking completely abashed, like he would rather be anywhere else. Katie pulled herself upright and glared at the pair of them before pointing at the sharp-faced woman, her eyes blazing with anger.

“Touch my husband again and I’ll break your arm.” Katie snarled, looking the woman up and down “Who the fuck are you?”

“Your son kicked the crap out of my boy!” The woman shrieked and Katie grimaced, her voice was as irritating as nails scraping down a black board. “I want to know what the hell you’re going to do about it.”

“As I pointed out, if your son hadn’t been part of a group throwing rocks at an animal, this wouldn’t have happened.” Steve’s voice was calm, but laced with authority.

“So you’re saying he deserved it?”

“I told you, James has been made perfectly aware that violence is not acceptable.” Steve avoided spitting out the yes that had flown into his mind, instead remaining as diplomatic and as calm as he could “But as far as we’re concerned, that’s end of the matter. So, if you don’t mind, I think you need to leave.”

“End of the matter?” the woman exploded “My son has got a broken nose, a black eye and he’s shaken up to heaven!”

Steve bit back the smirk that was threatening to spread across his face, the amusement that his ten year old really had managed to kick the crap out of a boy three years his senior really wasn’t appropriate but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t like bullies, in any shape or form.

“Oh, my heart bleeds.” Katie wasn’t quite as subtle, not that Steve expected anything else. As predicted, she was in full Momma Bear mode. Just like she was whenever anyone messed with her kids. “Go tell someone who cares, because I sure as hell don’t.”

"You know, it makes me want to barf the fact we’re all supposed to kiss your ass after everything that happened.” The woman scoffed and Katie simply looked at her, rolling her eyes. She’d heard it all before. “Fucking Katie Stark, married Captain America…” the woman continued, “parading around like she owns the place. God, you think you’re so special don’t you?”

At that Steve groaned as he saw Katie stiffen even more, her shoulders rolling back a little as she drew herself to full height, her body language one of a snake ready to strike, and he’d seen it countless times before, none of them ending particularly well for the other person involved.

“Not special, no.” Katie shook her head, her voice low and steely “But I’m certainly better than some piece of shit parent that brings their kid up with an attitude which makes them think it’s acceptable to not only harm a defenceless animal but be part of a gang of four boys who pick a fight with two kids three years younger than them.” She then stepped forward into the woman’s space and at that Steve hastily made his way down the stoop steps, ready to break up what he sensed was going to become another fight. “Now I suggest you get the fuck off my property before I drag you out of the gates myself, and trust me, patching up your son’s bruised ego at having the crap kicked out of him by a ten year old will be the least of your worries if that happens"

Steve slid his arm between the two women and gently moved Katie away. She acknowledged his touch, taking a step back but her eyes, which were blazing with anger, never left the woman in front of her. 

"Come on, Hallie..." the man next to her spoke

"Yeah, go on Hallie," Katie hissed, unable as usual not have the last word, "fuck off back to your troll cave and mark my words, your son goes near mine again and I’ll be the one stood on your door step. You got me?"

The woman swallowed, her face slipping before she turned and left, Katie’s eyes following them out of the gate.

“Stupid bitch.” Katie spat as she spun to Steve who shook his head, “What?”

“You’re scary when you’re angry.” He stated simply, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you expect?” She blazed. “Coming round here, shooting her mouth off, shoving you in the chest. I don’t like people touching my stuff. Fuck her.”

Steve chuckled and wrapped his arm round her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple and quickly changing the subject. “How’s the cat?”

“Vet says in a bad way but we’ll see. Her leg wasn’t broken but she’s poorly” Katie sighed, her demeanour calming somewhat as they stepped inside the house. “He said he’d call me when they have news.”

“Rori’s already been asking if we can keep her.”

Katie groaned “Why am I not surprised?” she paused as Steve shut the door. “So were they the only ones to turn up then or-“

“Yeah.” Steve nodded “I took a call off the parents of two others, but both were very apologetic when I explained what had actually happened.”

“How are you so calm about all this?” Katie stopped and looked at him. “It’s normally me that’s level headed when it comes to stuff they’ve done but-“

“Honey, I got my ass kicked all over Brooklyn.” Steve smiled gently, shrugging “As I said before, my Ma saw me in far worse states than Jamie came home in, and whilst I don’t like what happened, rightly or wrongly I’m kinda pleased that he’s way stronger than I was and can stand up for himself. Gives us a little less to worry about, don’t you think?”

Katie pondered his words for a moment before she let out a soft sigh. “I need a drink.”

**** Three days later on the Monday, after lunch, the entire Rogers family sat in the large living room watching Home Alone. Katie was curled up on one of the sofas her feet resting in Steve’s lap as he absentmindedly traced circles on the skin just above her right ankle, his eye focussed on the TV. Rori lay tucked up against his other side as she nestled into him, her legs hanging over the arm of the sofa whilst Emmy, Pete and Harry were sat on the larger sofa opposite, Harry perched on Emmy’s knee. Jamie was sprawled in the large armchair with Stark, his hand tangling in his faithful dog’s fur and Flossie was napping in her pack and play to the side of the room. Katie loved moments like this, having all her kids together, laughing and joking and chatting as they watched, every so often Steve making some kind of ‘dad’ remark that would earn him a groan in response, or cause Jamie and Emmy to exchange exasperated glances whilst he turned and winked at Katie, knowing exactly what he was doing.

This was what the holidays were all about to them both. Their family.

Feeling her phone vibrate, Katie shifted a little to locate it from down the side of the cushion and Steve looked at her, questioningly as she glanced at her phone.

“Be right back.” She said, leaving the room so as not to disturb them.

“Mrs Rogers, its John Mason.” The vet greeted her as she answered, shutting the door to the kitchen. “I just wanted to update you on Erica, the kitten you brought in.”

"Erica?" Katie blinked and the vet gave a little chuckle.

“Sorry, yeah, one of the vet nurses kinda nicknamed her and it stuck." The man's tone was almost apologetic. "It’s short for America. Cat-tain America to be specific" Katie let out a little groan of a chuckle “You know you'd really get on with my eldest daughter." The man laughed "Well, despite the odds being stacked against her I’m pleased to tell you she pulled through. She was extremely weak when you brought her in but she's healthy enough to be moved to the shelter tomorrow where they can continue to look after her until she hopefully finds a home" "Well I appreciate it. Thank you for letting me know. Are you emailing the bill over?” "No, there's no charge." The vet replied. "It’s Christmas after all. The time for good will and all that." Katie smiled "Well in that case I'll give an extra donation to the shelter. We normally take them something this time of year, especially seeing as that’s where our dog came from." "Yes how is Stark after we last saw him?" "He’s good." Katie turned her head to eye up the mutt in question who had followed her into the kitchen in the hope he was going to sneak some coveted human food, not a care in the world at the fact the last time he had snatched something he shouldn’t, it had cost them almost four hundred bucks and a Jamie melt down. "The sickness drugs obviously worked as he was fine. No chocolate poisoning thank God. I’d like to say it taught him a lesson on not eating things that are not meant to be eaten by him but sadly no, he still sticks his nose into everything, including my shoe closet. The vet laughed “Yes, they keep us on our toes. Well, lovely talking to you Mrs Rogers. Hopefully, no offence, but we won't see you soon and I hope you have a lovely Christmas." "You too. And thank you."

With that she put the phone back in her pocket and headed into the lounge.

“That was the vet.” She said.  Steve looked up at her, and the paused the film, all eyes turning to her. “The kitten is fine. She pulled through.”

“Well that’s good news.” Steve smiled, as Jamie gave a little grin and Rori cheered.

“They’re going to take her to the shelter tomorrow.”

“But it’s Christmas.” Rori said gently, her face falling. “She’ll be all alone.”

“She won’t” Katie assured her, knowing full well that she was as much of an animal lover as Jamie. “She’ll have other cat friends. Hey, they even gave her a name, they like her that much so…”

“What?” Rori asked.

“Erica.” Katie grinned, her eyes flicking to Steve “Short for Cat-tain America.”

At that Steve let out a groan as Peter and Emmy both snorted, Jamie howling with laugher but Rori’s face remained deadly serious.

“They should have called her Emmy.”

“Why?” Emmy looked at Rori who gave a shrug.

“Because she’s like you.”

“What, has a furry face and whiskers?” Pete quipped, causing Jamie to howl even more. Steve gave a grin as Pete easily dodged the blow Emmy aimed to the back of his head, his spidey senses telling him it was coming.

“No.” Rori rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically “I mean because she was all alone too until Jamie found her, just like you were until momma and daddy found you” she looked at her sister, the expression on her little face serious as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Steve and Katie exchanged a look, both of them sideswiped by Rori’s comment.

“I just hope she’s as lucky as you were.” Rori shrugged. “And that she finds a family that’s kind to her.” With that she turned back to the TV. “Now, can we finish the movie?”

“Erm, yeah.” Steve pressed play again and Katie excused herself to start dinner. He waited a few minutes before he headed out into the hallway to see Katie hastily pulling on her jacket.

“I need cheese for the lasagne.” She looked at him and he arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, right. Cheese.”

She shrugged and headed out of the door, and Steve turned to see Jamie stood behind him.

“Ten bucks says she’s coming back with the cat.” Jamie spoke and Steve snorted.

“First rule of gambling, you bet on a cert not against it. No deal.” He folded his arms as Jamie grinned “Not a word to your sister until your mom gets home or we won’t hear the end of it.”

***** About forty minutes or so later the system announced that Katie was home and Steve and Jamie exchanged a look. A few moments later Katie called them all out into the hallway and Steve watched as Rori and Harry shot out first, the rest following, as they heard Rori gave a shriek.

“Are we keeping her?”

“An early Christmas gift from Jamie to everyone.” Katie smiled as she crouched down and opened the little cat carrier and reached in for the kitten, which looked a damned site better than when Steve had last seen her.

“Jamie, you’re the best!” Rori turned to her brother and hugged him tightly. Jamie grinned and hugged her back before Rori turned round and held her arms out, Katie handing the kitten over.

“Hi Erica!” Rori beamed at the cat who looked at her, then around the room blinking before giving a tiny meow.

“Okay, look, if the cat’s staying can we at least think of a better name?” Steve pleaded, before he smiled and looked at Katie “What about T’Challa?”

Katie laughed as his suggestion was met with a resounding chorus of protest.

“Nope.” Rori shook her head, looking at him. “It’s bad luck to change an animal’s name. And now we have a dog named after Uncle Nee and momma, and now a kitty named after you.” She shrugged, her attention turning back to the cat and Steve watched Erica batted slightly at the little coloured woollen balls that adorned Rori’s sweater. Rori gave a giggle, gently pressing her nose to the cat’s head.

In the corner of his eye, Steve noticed a flash of white and tan fur but before he could do anything, Jamie grabbed Stark’s collar to stop him jumping all over Rori and the kitten.

“You’ll have to take them into the lounge so they can meet each other.” Katie instructed and Jamie nodded.

“Come on, I’ll help.” Emmy smiled.

“Me too, I love cats!” Peter grinned, and together they all headed into the lounge, Rori talking excitedly about all the tricks she was going to teach her new pet, leaving Steve and Katie alone in the hall.

“Funny looking cheese.” Steve quipped, as he looked down at the bag of items from the pet store, finally meeting his wife’s eyes with a smirk as she looked at him, her expression a little sheepish. “And after all that abuse you gave me last week over saying maybe.”

“Shut up.” She mumbled, and then with a grin she moved and slipped her arms round his neck. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Oh, I know you will.” He smirked, his hands resting on her hips. “And for the record, the next time you say that our little Diva knows how to play me, I’m totally gonna remind you of this.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second, Soldier.” She grinned, pulling his head down towards hers, kissing him deeply, “But for the record, it was the name that totally did it.”

“Sure it was.”

“That and the fact it’s black and white.” She grinned, a mischievous look in her face “Like your beard.”

“Well for that I’m definitely shaving.” His lips brushed against hers and she laughed, shaking her head.

“Please don’t.” she whispered, her teeth nipping at his jaw line, her mouth sliding softly down his neck and Steve gave a little moan, his fingers flexing on her hips.

“Well, maybe you can convince me to keep it.” He spoke softly, as once more his lips claimed hers.

[symphonicmetal101]

Okay so I really want one of these crack match ups for obey me just to see how messed up I actually am

For starters, my friends all think I’m absolutely unhinged. I bring up random animal/biology facts in conversation (crocodiles store their babies inside their mouth for traveling purposes!!) and eat frozen french fries straight out of the bag. I’m insanely clumsy (almost broke my knee falling down the stairs type of clumsy). I’m also kinda the type of person people don’t really talk to because I look super unapproachable and use a lot of sarcasm? I don’t get along with a lot of people but I have a few close friends I’d literally get into a full-on fistfight for and they’d do the same for me!! Otters are objectively the best animal because they scream a lot, have grabby hands and arm pit pockets for storage for their favorite stone to open clams with. I have a very weird relationship with the color pink because I didn’t want to be like „other girls“ when I was young. I was kind of a scene kid in school and I had a really bad Vampire Knight (train wreck of a manga/anime!!) phase where I drank a lot of cranberry juice and sat around at home with the blinds all the way down because I tried to convince myself I was a vampire. I stole a beyblade from my moms best friends kid once when I was like 10 and haven’t recovered from that. I just took it with me and kept it inside my bag for a week and then threw it out because I didn’t want to get caught?? Sometimes I act like I’m asleep just so people don’t try to talk to me tbh. I went over to a friends place a while ago for his birthday and went up to his room to change clothes and looked under his desk and I,,, just saw like, a random big ass Buzz Lightyear toy laying there,, shrouded in darkness…… and I couldn’t stop hysterically laughing to the point of crying and choking for 10 minutes straight. There’s a weird Christmas tradition where you hide a Christmas ornament that looks like a cucumber on your tree and whoever finds it gets to open up the first present. I randomly got a Christmas cucumber from my coworker and decided to put it up on my moms tree to see when she’d notice. But I left the packaging out in the living room and when she came home from work she started relentlessly questioning me about why I had a cucumber and where I hid it while she frantically looked for it all over the apartment („If I find that FUCKING cucumber on MY Christmas tree I’m gonna kill you“). I was laying on the ground in tears because I was laughing so hard. Also I really hated Lucifer when I started playing and I feel like I’d still give him ice cubes made of Hot Dog water if I ever had him over at my place just to mess with him. My ideal type of fictional guy is either a total uwu cinnamon roll that can do no wrong, a himbo, or most commonly: the most unhinged and messed up one I could pick out! Objectively worst possible choice ever because red flags are super hot apparently!!

Aight...ok...

Oh god

SOLOMON and THIRTEEN

I...I cant go through this ask and pick out individual things like Ive done with other ones?? Its just the overall vibes???

Ok I guess Ill start with Thirteen and Sol- I know she hates his guts but tHaTs kInDa SeXy tHoUgh

All three of you have chaotic stories to tell each other, and you likely all laugh halfway through trying to tell them. (Also Thirteen totally snorts when they laugh and you cant convince me otherwise)

Sarcasm and dark humour is a language you're all fluent in, and overhearing a conversation where its purely that is cause for many a demon to avoid you three in sheer confusion and uneasiness, but its ok because as long as you guys have each other youre set xjsjxbxjsj.

If Thirteen finds out you didnt like pink because you didnt want to "be like other girls" shes gonna get a little huffy "and you think I am???!!!" Before trying to convince you to match her hair. (If you dont agree, Solomon will cast a spell and will not reverse it til you bribe him because basically youre stuck with two little shits)

Gsjsvsjs sorry but the three of you just pretending to pass out as soon as you see Lucifer cracks me up. Just to make him mad. And because you can.

When it comes to committing "crimes" like stealing a beyblade Thirteen is a terrible liar and runs her mouth a lot because if she commits arson and whatnot its fun!!! Its something to brag about!!! Almost nobody was hurt or seriously maimed so its fine!!! Which means when you three are in trouble for something, Solomon IMMEDIATELY silences Thirteen. She will try to talk but it she physically cannot open her mouth. So guess what, she'll learn to speak with her mouth closed- so then you'll have to keep her quiet while Solomon covers for you three...except his normally cool demeanor does take a hit when his S/Os are trying ro distract him. Even if its not to get you three out of trouble, if hes talking to Lucifer to convince him to pact him and you and Thirteen are goofing off behind Luci, he's gonna get a little flustered trying to talk vdksvskhdj

The cucumber ornament tradition will spiral so be prepared for many phallic looking items to be hanging on your tree. And to never let Luke help decorate the tree. Sorry bby.

Ok, hopefully you liked this!!!

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

A Very Rogers Christmas Part 2- You Gotta Be Kitten Me

Summary: Christmas draws ever nearer and the two eldest littles in the Rogers household break up from school from the holidays, and Jamie is given his first taste of independence…and brings a few surprises home as a consequence.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, talks of violence…a little bit of actual violence and Katie acting like a hell cat!

A/N: You can find Part 1 of my Stark Spangled 2020 Christmas special- A Very Rogers Christmas. HERE.

Katie walked into the bathroom where Steve was stood, his top half bare, towel round his waist as he gently examined his face. Katie stopped to take him in, his broad shoulders still beaded with drops of water from his shower, his back muscles rippling as he turned this way and that way, tilting his body as he stared at his reflection. Katie could see in his eyes that he was lost, battling with those little doubts that every now and then would niggle away in his brain ever since he had noticed the changes to his body some two years ago. He was petrified the serum was going to disappear overnight and leave him back to his previous state, small and weak, but both Katie and Banner had reassured him that wasn't going to happen. What he was seeing now was it gradually depleting, a process Banner had predicted from various tests would take twenty more year or so. And besides, as Katie had reminded him, there was nothing weak about Steve Rogers. That said, she understood as well as anyone what it was like to deal with your body changing. Having carried four children she now had wider hips, a soft stomach, bigger chest and she knew full well that by the time Christmas was over she'd be about twelve pound heavier and be on a diet for two months to shift said Christmas weight, but she was beyond the point of caring. Where once it had made her feel sick to look at herself, now, seeing her kids each day was a reminder of just why she had changed, and what was a few extra inches here and there when you had a gorgeous family to show for it?

Plus Steve adored her. She knew that. He took any and every chance he could to touch her and remind her how beautiful he thought she was. And she felt the same about him. Whilst he wasn't quite as defined as he had been once upon a time, his hard, chiselled abs had been replaced with a flat but softer stomach, his pectoral muscles also ever so slightly less pronounced, he was beyond perfect to her. She loved his softer body, and yes he complained his knees cracked and ached a little if he over did it on the running, and sometimes his back gave him a twinge every now and then, but he was fit, healthy and had a physique most men would die for. He was also still ridiculously strong. He could roughhouse with Jamie all day long, he could sweep Rori up in one hand and tuck her under his arm whilst she squealed with laughter, he could throw Emmy over his shoulder with easy, he could lift Harry and Flossie up one in each hand with no trouble, and he could pick Katie up and toss her around the bedroom like she was a ragdoll, which suited her just fine. With a smile, Katie gently dropped the clothes she was carrying into the hamper and moved behind him, her hands slipping to his belly, spraying flat against his skin as she pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder. "Get out of your head, Soldier." Steve gave a soft smile as his hands lay over hers, as she peeked round him, their eyes locking in the mirror and he let out a sigh. "I was just thinking, that's all." "I can tell." She nuzzled the top of his arm "You had your thinking face on." He gave her another smile, his right hand teaching up to his chin and he gently rubbed his beard "I was just debating whether or not to shave." "Don't you dare!" Katie narrowed her eyes and he chuckled. "Yeah, didn't think you'd take it well." "Why do you wanna shave?" She frowned. "You've had a beard now for years. I thought you liked it as it keeps you on the low mostly." "I do." He shrugged, tipping his head to the side slightly. “But I don’t like all this grey that appears to get worse every morning." Katie arched an eyebrow as she slid round to face him, Steve stepping back to allow her to stand in the space between him and the basin unit. She glanced up, examining the dark whiskers which adorned his chin and cheeks, spattered intermittently with lighter blonde, auburn and an increasing amount of grey. "Well, I’m a big fan," she mused, standing on her tip toes to brush her lips over his jaw, the pads of her fingers cupping his cheeks. "And I also happen to think you're fucking gorgeous either way. If you wanna murder it, go ahead." "You talk about it as it it’s a living, breathing thing." Steve scoffed, his hands falling to her hips. "Well it’s that glorious it could be." She smiled and he laughed. "Look, I promise you, the only person who’s noticing it so much is you, but if it's bothering you why don't you just trim it a little before you completely get rid? Then you can see how you feel when it's shorter."

“Yeah, maybe.” he glanced at the mirror again as Katie’s hands slid to the top of his shoulders, smoothing up and over until they reached round his neck, the fingers of her right hand gently tangling in the strands of his hair at the back of his head.

“As long as you don’t shave all this off when it starts going grey too.” She teased and he rolled his eyes and gave her an exasperated look as she pondered something. “Actually, you’d probably suit a buzz cut.”

“Shut up.” He looked at her and she grinned as her eyes flashed mischievously.

“Mind you, I like having something here to tug.” she pulled his hair slightly causing his head to tip back a little before she released him, biting her lip, a cheeky glint in her eyes.

“You are incorrigible.” He smirked, dropping his head to catch her lips.

“Shut up and put that silver on me, Soldier.” She grinned against his mouth and Steve couldn’t help the little growl that rumbled in his throat at her words. In an easy movement he’d picked her up and perched her on the unit in front of him, causing a dirty little giggle to fly from her lips which he swallowed with his mouth. He kissed her, long and hard, his hands splaying on her back as her legs locked around his hips, the pair of them laughing in between the kisses and just as Katie’s hands moved to untuck the edge of the towel round Steve’s waist they heard Rori yelling that she couldn’t find her Snowman sweater and Steve gave a groan, his forehead resting against Katie’s, his eyes closed.

“You know, I love out kids, I would die for them but sometimes, well I swear to God they get their bad timing skills from your brother, her especially.”

Katie chuckled as her eyes opened and locked onto Steve’s which were twinkling with good humour.

“Yeah, there’s no doubting she has a lot of Stark in her.”

“Not to mention she’s a dramatic ass.” Steve snorted as Katie laughed

“Yeah that too.”

“You know, your dad would have been crazy about her.” He added as he stepped back to allow Katie to hop down from the unit.

“Maybe, I don’t remember enough about him to agree or otherwise,” she mused, “but I know if Tony were still here he would adore her.”

“Yeah, he would.” Steve agreed. “And as a result she’d be calling me Capsicle instead of Daddy.”

Katie laughed and gently gave his cheek a kiss “I’ll go start breakfast, can you sort Harry and Floss?”

“Sure.” He kissed her gently watching as she left the room.

Katie found Rori’s sweater, much to her daughter’s excitement and then they headed downstairs where Jamie was already sat eating a bowl of cereal. She smiled at him and he wished her good morning before he offered to get Rori’s cheerio’s for her. Rori grinned at him and nodded so Katie left the two of them to it whilst she threw some toast in for her and Steve and turned to see Jamie had also grabbed Harry’s bowl from the cupboard and was busy measuring him some cereal out for him too.

“Thanks Jamie.” She smiled.

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. There was a moment’s pause as Katie threw on a pot of coffee before he spoke again. “Actually, mom, I kinda wanted to ask you something.”

Katie paused, and turned around smiling “You buttering me up?”

“No, that’s not…” he began floundering for excuses the same way Steve did before he rolled his eyes when he saw Katie grinning. “Rude.”

She laughed “Okay, sorry sweetie. What is it?”

“Well, I was wondering if me and Seb could go to the park after school.”

“I wanna go to the park, too!”  Rori nodded and Katie shrugged.

“I don’t see why not. Sure your dad will take you for an hour when I make dinner.”

“No, I mean on our own.” Jamie looked at Katie “I thought we could like walk home and stop off for an hour.”

“You want to walk home from school, with Seb, and go to the park?” Katie clarified and Jamie nodded. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

"Why not?"

"You're ten." She said flatly as she mixed Flossie’s porridge and moved to the microwave. "I know you're growing up now but..." "I'll be with Seb" Jamie pleaded "It’s not that far to walk, and I’ll call you.” His eyes lit up as if he had found some kind of huge bargaining chip “Like, when I'm leaving school and when we get to the park and then every ten minutes after. And we’ll be home for five for dinner. I promise.” Katie sighed, shutting the microwave door as she bit her lip. She has been dreading this day, when Jamie staked his first claim on wanting some independence. And here it was, a request to go to the park after the schools broke up for Christmas.  It wasn't that she didn't want him to go, far from it. Her and Steve were keen that, despite their background, the kids all had as normal an upbringing as possible. But now she was torn. Jamie was pushing eleven and would start middle school next time round. She wanted to give him a little more responsibility yet in the same breath also wasn't sure she was completely comfortable with the idea of him and Seb walking home from school alone.

At that point Steve walked into the kitchen, Flossie in his arms and a dressed Harry bounding behind him as he was gabbling on about something.

"Everything okay?" He frowned, instantly spotting the look on Katie's face.

"Jamie wants to walk home today, via the park." She said, looking at him and Steve took a deep breath "And I'm not sure I like the idea."

Steve shook his head."Neither do I."

"But daaaaad!" Jamie groaned “It’s Christmas."

"That doesn't mean all rules get suspended, or that you can simply do as you please." Steve shrugged, dropping Flossie into her high chair as Harry scrambled up to the place at the table his cereal bowl was waiting for him. "Besides which it’s freezing outside."

That was a crap excuse, and Steve knew it, as it wasn't like he couldn't wrap up or that he'd never been allowed to play out in the snow before. Jamie groaned and as Steve shot him a look, his shoulders slumped and his eyes dropped down.

"Fine. It doesn't matter. Forget I asked. Can I leave the table? I need to get dressed."

“Me too.” Rori added and Katie nodded. There was the loud scraping of chairs across the floor as they both moved and Jamie stood up and walked dejectedly out of the room, Rori following behind. As soon as they were gone Katie turned to Steve and gave a sigh.

"Are we being too harsh?" She bit her lip as the microwave dinged and she turned to open the door. "I mean..."

"Honey, don't do this." Steve looked at her, as she mixed the porridge around before testing the temperature. “You always second guess your decisions"

"I just feel bad." She shrugged as she carried the bowl over to the table. "I mean he doesn’t ask for a lot, he never gets in trouble or causes any problems, not like that Diva upstairs. Maybe, oh I dunno, ignore me. You're right."

“Here, I’ll do that.” Steve said gently, taking the bowl from her, allowing her to collect Jamie and Rori’s empty dishes. He sat down next to his youngest where he started to feed her, Flossie making excited noises at the first spoon full and Steve grinned, his face positively beaming as the baby eagerly took her porridge.

A minute or so later Katie placed a plate of toast and coffee down for him before grabbing her own and settling down to eat.

"You got many meetings today?" Steve asked, he himself having finished work the previous week.  Katie shook her head.

"Just going in to clear my inbox and wish everyone Merry Christmas. I'll be done by lunch. Not even worth me going to the Tower, but I want to say it in person. Plus Pep's gonna be there so..."

"Well, how about me, Harry and this little sprout come with you?  I can take them round Central Park for the morning and we can get something to eat when you're done." "Sounds good." She smiled. "Just don't tell the other two. Rori was already kicking off about the fact they get to stay home with you and she doesn't."

"Well Rori can get over herself." Steve scoffed taking a bite of toast as Katie snorted.

"That as maybe, but I’d rather not deal with a second disappointed kid this morning if I can help it."

"Don’t let it bother you.” Steve shook his head and Katie swallowed her coffee and wrinkled her nose.

"I just don't want him thinking we don't trust him. I mean is the park really a hard no? It’s not in a bad area and we can practically see it from the rooms upstairs."

Steve pondered for a moment. "I guess not. But it's a fair way to walk home from school. It’s a good twenty minutes or so. And there's a lot of roads to cross, not all of them safe."

"So maybe there's a compromise?" Katie looked at him. "What if we said no to the walk but yes to an hour or so play time? That way give him a little leeway, show him we trust him."

Steve took a deep breath "What you thinking?”

"Maybe if we dropped him and Seb at the park or something. I'll call Seb's mom, check she's okay with it, I mean he's staying here tonight but I don't want to do anything she isn't happy with. If she is then..."

Steve pondered what she was saying for a moment, grappling with his inner voice. On the one hand he knew Katie was right, Jamie was a good, responsible kid. On the other hand he worried. It was common knowledge Jamie was the son of two Avengers, and it still petrified him that it could result in someone using him to get to them. That said, just as with Emmy, he knew he couldn't bubble wrap him forever.

"Okay." Steve nodded. "See what Sebastian's parents say. If they’re fine then I guess we can run with it."

**** Half an hour or so later, Jamie and Rori were ready for school, Rori bounding around loudly singing ‘All I Want For Christmas’ whilst Jamie was a little more subdued, and Steve could tell he was fighting his desire to sulk at the fact they'd said no to his earlier request. Unlike Rori, Jamie rarely threw temper tantrums when he didn't get what he wanted. He merely retreated into himself a little, but recently he'd grown up even more and simply tried to get over whatever it was that was irritating him without trying to feel hard done by. Another sign he was growing up.

As he thanked Katie, albeit a little quietly when she told him she'd packed him an extra few pieces of cake to share with his friends, she glanced at Steve who nodded to her and she loudly made a show of taking Rori, Flossie and Harry to the car leaving Steve and his eldest boy alone as he locked up the house.

"Jamie," Steve locked the door and turned to him as Jamie stood patiently waiting at the bottom of the stoop. "Me and your Ma have had a chat, she talked to Seb's mom and we decided you can both go to the park." "Really?" Jamie's eyes lit up. "Yes but on a couple of conditions." "Sure Dad. Anything." "I pick you all up from school. We'll walk home, and I'll drop you off on the way through." Steve said, "You and Seb can walk behind or ahead of us, whatever, I don't care. Then you have to promise you call us to check in every fifteen minutes and it’s for an hour tops. And, as you said, dinner at five so make sure you're home." "Okay, I promise." "I trust you." Steve looked at him, nodding "So does your mom, don't give us reason not to"

"I won't." Jamie beamed at him as they walked to the car "Thanks dad."

Steve smiled and reached out, ruffling his hair which earned him a moan of complaint as Jamie pulled away.

"You're ruining my style!" He hastily shoved Steve gently in the side as he pushed his hands upwards to flatten it all back down and Steve chuckled before he studied his eldest boy, a conflicting feeling of happy sadness washed over him.

They were all growing up far too fast. **** At just gone midday, Steve strolled into the reception area of the once more named Stark Tower. He could have gone in the back entrance from the underground car park but Katie had told him to bring the kids into the foyer so they could see the tree, and he instantly knew why. It was stood next to the plinth in the middle of the large entrance rotunda which bore one of Tony's Iron Man suits that had been arranged in his signature palms out pose a few years back as a permanent memorial to his brother in law. The tree was huge, decked out in scarlet and gold, and the Iron Man suit had a Santa Hat on its head. He smiled, remembering the Christmas in the tower where he, Clint and Bruce had all taken it in turns to deck the Iron Legion bots out in the same hats, much to Tony's exasperation at the time.

"Look, Daddy!" Harry exclaimed excitedly as he spotted the hat "Uncle Nee is Santa!"

"I can see, buddy!" Steve chuckled as the young boy ran towards the suit, staring up at it. "Think it suits him?"

"Yep!" Harry nodded, his eyes focussed up before he turned to Steve. "I need one"

"A hat?" Steve asked, looking at him. “Well, I’m sure we can find one-“

"No, not a hat!” Jamie giggled “ A Iron Man suit."

Steve scoffed "No chance."

Just as Harry turned to look back at the suit once more, the elevator door opened and Katie walked out with Pepper. Pepper, as always, was dressed in a crisp grey suit and a pair of heels whereas Katie was in a pair of jeans, a Stark Industries hoody and a pair of knee high boots, her hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her coat was open and her scarf was loosely looped around her neck, woollen hat in her hands. Steve smiled at her as she greeted Harry who ran towards her and she picked him up. He gave his mom a kiss before he leaned over to wrap his arms around his Auntie's neck.

"Hi Sweetheart." Pepper beamed at him

"Hi Auntie Pep." He grinned before he wriggled a little so Katie placed him down as Steve approached giving her a soft kiss before he pecked his sister-in-law on the cheek.

"Hey Pep." He smiled as she gave him a hug.

"Hi Steve and hi baby!" She waggled her fingers at Flossie who beamed back and mimicked her actions. "God she's so big now."

"Yeah she's mastered the art of crawling. Poor Stark bolts from the room now to hide." Katie chuckled as she did up her coat.

"Auntie Pep, who put the hat on Uncle Nee?" Harry asked and Pepper looked at him, then to the Iron Man suit and snorted. "Your mommy"

"Why am I not surprised?" Steve looked at Katie and she shrugged.

"Tone loved Christmas much as me, he would approve." She tightened her scarf around her neck before she turned to Pepper "Can I change your mind about lunch?"

Pepper shook her head "I need to finish a few things then get to pick Moo up. But you guys enjoy and we'll see you in a couple of days for Christmas Eve."

"Sure?"

"Positive." Pepper nodded.

After bidding Pepper a good bye the four of them headed out into the cold December air and took their lunch at a little Italian not far from Grand Central. It was a nice way for Katie to finish work for the holidays and when they’d finished they took a walk so the younger kids could go and see the tree by the Rockefeller Centre. Flossie was mesmerised by ice skaters, Steve lifting her from the stroller so she could take a closer look whilst Harry tugged on Katie’s hand, pulling her closer to the tree to investigate.

Eventually it was time to head back to pick Jamie and Rori up from school. Katie dropped Steve by the gate where he collected them, plus Seb, and they set off on the twenty minute or so walk back, the two boys staying slightly ahead of him and Rori. As predicted, she begged for some time on the park and Steve acquiesced and they bounced from the swings to the slide before he told her it was time they headed home. He gave the boys strict instructions not to get into trouble or be late, and he left them to it, a gnawing, anxious feeling brewing in his chest as he made the three minute walk back to their house.

However, it all seemed to be okay. Jamie rang like clockwork as promised after fifteen minutes, then thirty, then forty-five, and when the security system sounded at the gate to announce that Jamie was home at three minutes to five, Steve finally relaxed.

That was until he heard Katie scream from the hallway.

“Jamie! Oh my God! What the hell happened?”

In a flash he was off the rug where he had been colouring with Harry and hurried into the entrance hall, stopping dead, his chest constricting as he saw his boy with a split lip, an already bruising cheek and eye and a slightly torn jacket collar.

“It wasn’t his fault Mrs Rogers.” Seb started to protest as Katie gently cupped Jamie’s face to examine his bruises.

“Are you hurt, Jamie?” Harry frowned as he looked at his brother from where he had followed Steve and Jamie shook his head.

“I’m okay Harry.”

“You don’t look okay.” Katie’s face was contorted in worry as Steve strode forward.

“Mom, I’m fine.” Jamie assured her “Honestly.”

“The other four boys aint.” Seb sniggered and at that Katie balked.

“Four? You were fighting with four other boys?” she stuttered and Steve gently touched her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down a little. Jamie was roughed up, he could see that, but after his initial shock he’d fast realised his boy’s injuries were superficial, and that most of the blood on his grey jacket wasn’t actually his…

“Honey, why don’t you go grab-“ Steve began but Rori cut him off, shocking Steve a little as he hadn’t realised she’d joined them.

“What’s in your coat?” she demand, pointed to the front of Jamie’s jacket. Steve glanced down and noticed that there was a slight bulge there, and it was moving.

“Jamie?” Steve nodded to it and Jamie looked up at him.

“They were hurting it.” He said softly, undoing his zip to reveal a tiny black and white kitten with bright blue eyes, and behind him, Steve heard Rori give a gasp.

“A kitty?”

“That’s why I got in the fight.” Jamie ignored his sister, his eyes fixed firmly on the kitten before he looked up at his mom. “I told them to stop but they were throwing stones at her and when she tried to run away they grabbed her tail and pulled her over. I think her leg is broken.”

“It’s true.” Seb insisted as Katie let out a sigh, gently reaching out for the cat which gave a loud shriek in protest as she picked it up.

“How do you know it’s a her?” Rori asked, her eyes fixed on the cat as Katie gently held it close to her chest.

“Because she doesn’t have a penis.” Jamie shot back and Steve gave an exasperated groan.

“Jamie!”

“What?” his son looked up at him. “It’s true!”

“Okay.” Katie cut over them both. “Take her by the fire to warm up.” She instructed, passing the protesting animal to Steve. He gently took the kitten, frowning as he could feel her bony spine as the tiny animal shivered in his large hand, from fright or cold, possibly both. “Jamie, into the kitchen so I can clean you up.”

“Mom, I’m sorry.” he sighed “I know you’re gonna be angry I was fighting but they really were hurting her.”

“I’m not mad.” She assured him, shaking her head “You did a good thing just…” she sighed trailing off “Go, kitchen.”

He looked at Steve who gave him a nod and he trudged off, Seb following.

“Hey, he’s okay.” Steve looked at her and she ran her hand over her face “Looks a damned site better than I used to when I came home to my Ma after a fight.”

“He was fighting four of them.” She practically squeaked and Steve took a deep breath.

“And from the looks of it, he came off better.” Steve mused, before Rori tugged at his jeans.

“Daddy can I see the kitty?”

“Me too!” Harry nodded eagerly.

“Go grab her a blanket from the cupboard under the stairs.” Steve instructed “And you can both sit with her in the lounge okay?”

“Okay!” Rori bounded off and Katie shook her head before she wandered into the downstairs bathroom and came out with the first aid kit. Without another word she headed into the kitchen where Jamie was shrugging off his jacket.

“Sit.” She instructed him, before she grabbed a bowl and filled it with warm water. Jamie obediently parked himself on a chair, Seb taking up the one on the other side of the table as Katie pulled a chair round and sat opposite her son and began to gently wipe his face with the cotton wool. He winced a little as she mopped the blood from around his lip and the dirt down the side of his face, taking care to be gently around his bruising cheek and eye, but other than that he showed no sign of injury. Just as she’d finished, and was retrieving an ice pack for him from the freezer, Steve walked into the room, stopping to examine Jamie’s face.

“That’s going to be an impressive black eye, son.” He mused, before he sighed, moving so his back was resting against the kitchen island, arms folded “So, what happened?”

“We were just about to head home, as it was cold anyway and we thought we’d come back a bit early but as we passed the corner there were four boys from the elementary school by the bush and they were prodding something with a stick.” Jamie began to explain, pressing the ice pack to the side of his face “When we passed I heard it crying so I told them to stop. They just swore at me and then one picked up a stone and threw it. That’s when I saw the cat and it fell over, making a horrible noise.” Jamie swallowed and bowed his head “Then when the pulled its tail, I just kinda lost it. I know I shouldn’t have done it but I pushed the one who had thrown the rock over and went to grab the cat, but then they all just started punching and kicking us.”

“I got a jab in.” Seb said, almost excitedly as Steve looked at him, arching an eyebrow, “But Jamie, man, he was something else. Took two down, WHAM, and then then pulled the third away from me. Then they all kinda ran away after that.”

“Elementary school.” Katie swallowed “How old were they Jamie?”

“One of them was Lisa Bradley’s older brother, she’s in my class.” Jamie mused, the ice pack pressed to his face “I think she said he was like 13 or something?���

“Not that it matters.” Seb grinned “Jamie’s like the same size as them, bigger than one of them actually.”

“I didn’t hit him.” Jamie shook his head “Just pushed him away when he swung at me.” He looked at his dad, pleading with his eyes for his father to believe him, which Steve did. His son wasn’t a liar. “I didn’t want to fight with someone smaller. You told me bullying is wrong.”

Steve took a deep breath, the pride welling in his chest “It is, son, but it sounds to me like he’s a bully, not you. Size isn’t everything all the time.”

Jamie shrugged, then his shoulders slumped “I ruined it didn’t I?”

“Ruined what?” Katie asked.

“You trusting me. You’ll never let me go to the park on my own again.”

Steve looked at Katie, before he turned to his son “I don’t recall us saying that.”

“But I got in a fight, and ripped my jacket. I know that was expensive and-”

“Jamie, we don’t care about your jacket.” Katie shook her head, “The rate you’re growing at it most likely won’t fit you for much longer anyway.” She sighed, “Look, hitting people isn’t right. And no, maybe you shouldn’t have started it but, we’re never going to get mad at you for standing up for yourself or someone, well something in this case, that needs help.” Katie looked at her son, smiling gently. “You did a good thing, fighting…well, I don’t like the fact you were involved in one but…”

“So you’re not gonna ground me?”

“No.” Steve shook his head.

“Even if their parent’s come round and start shouting and stuff?”

“We’ll worry about that if or when it happens.” Katie spoke, her voice was calm but Steve noticed her shoulders draw back a little and he had to fight the smirk on his face. She was an absolute hell cat where her kids were involved and he almost pitied the first parent to complain about Jamie’s behaviour. They’d feel the full on wrath of her Stark temper, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. With a deep breath she stood up, “Now, you boys thirsty? I got some peach tea if you want it?”

“My favourite!” Seb beamed “You’re the best Mrs R!”

With a soft smile, Katie gathered the bowl of dirty water and cotton pads and turned towards the sink. As she passed Steve he gently pushed away from the counter, reaching out to stop her. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and she took a deep breath, as she saw the tension leave her body before she continued across the kitchen.

“I’ll go check on the cat, make sure Rori hasn’t dressed it in a tutu or something.” He said, making for the door.

“I think she needs to go to the vet.” Jamie looked at him, “She was hurt real bad.”

Steve looked at Katie as she had pulled the jug of tea from the fridge. “Okay, if she needs to go I can take her whilst you guys have dinner.”

“You sure?” Steve looked at her and she nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll call them, see if John Mason is working.”

“I like him.” Jamie nodded “He was really kind with Lucky, and he’s nice to Stark too.”

With a nod, Katie moved from the room, calling out to Rori and Steve made to follow, stopping by Jamie as he did so, placing his hand on his shoulder.

“I’m proud of you, Son.” Steve’s head cocked to one side as Jamie looked up at him “We both are.”

“Thanks Dad.” He smiled softly.

“Just, maybe try not to take four of them on at once next time.” Steve arched an eyebrow. “Not that there should be a next time, but if there is…just don’t. You’ll give your Ma a heart attack.”

******

 “It’s not broken.” John Mason said, looking a Katie. “Just dislocated. To be honest the malnutrition and dehydration is more of a worry along with the nasty infection she has in her ear. Poor thing has been through the wars.”

“Yeah, she feels very skinny.” Katie sighed “She going to be ok?”

“Next forty-eight hours will be critical.” The vet straightened up. “We’ll get her on a drip and see if we can locate an owner. She’s not chipped so chances are that won’t happen. But if she makes it we’ll get her in at the shelter.”

Katie nodded “Could you keep me updated on how she is? My son got into a bit of a punch up during his efforts to rescue her.”

Mason smiled “Absolutely.”

“Thanks. Oh and you can send the bill to me. I’ll front it, not the rescue.”

“That’s very kind Mrs Rogers.” he smiled “I’ll be in touch.”

Katie left the vets, rubbing her temple. She had a banging headache and needed a fucking stiff drink. She drove the short distance home, and frowned as she pulled up their drive. Steve was stood on the stoop, in full on Captain mode if his body language was anything to go by. His hands were on his belt buckle, broad shoulders squared, face set in a furious expression as he faced off against a pair of people stood at the bottom of the steps, the woman waving her hands excitedly. Katie let out a groan, as she would lay odds on these being the irate parents of one of the boys Jamie had been in a fight with, but her groan turned into a growl as the woman stepped up to Steve, pushing him in the chest. In a flash she was out of the car and ran over, gripping the lady by her hair and yanking her backwards down the stoop before she released her, shoving her harshly on the shoulder. The woman stumbled back a little, into the man who was stood there looking completely abashed, like he would rather be anywhere else. Katie pulled herself upright and glared at the pair of them before pointing at the sharp-faced woman, her eyes blazing with anger.

“Touch my husband again and I’ll break your arm.” Katie snarled, looking the woman up and down “Who the fuck are you?”

“Your son kicked the crap out of my boy!” The woman shrieked and Katie grimaced, her voice was as irritating as nails scraping down a black board. “I want to know what the hell you’re going to do about it.”

“As I pointed out, if your son hadn’t been part of a group throwing rocks at an animal, this wouldn’t have happened.” Steve’s voice was calm, but laced with authority.

“So you’re saying he deserved it?”

“I told you, James has been made perfectly aware that violence is not acceptable.” Steve avoided spitting out the yes that had flown into his mind, instead remaining as diplomatic and as calm as he could “But as far as we’re concerned, that’s end of the matter. So, if you don’t mind, I think you need to leave.”

“End of the matter?” the woman exploded “My son has got a broken nose, a black eye and he’s shaken up to heaven!”

Steve bit back the smirk that was threatening to spread across his face, the amusement that his ten year old really had managed to kick the crap out of a boy three years his senior really wasn’t appropriate but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t like bullies, in any shape or form.

“Oh, my heart bleeds.” Katie wasn’t quite as subtle, not that Steve expected anything else. As predicted, she was in full Momma Bear mode. Just like she was whenever anyone messed with her kids. “Go tell someone who cares, because I sure as hell don’t.”

"You know, it makes me want to barf the fact we’re all supposed to kiss your ass after everything that happened.” The woman scoffed and Katie simply looked at her, rolling her eyes. She’d heard it all before. “Fucking Katie Stark, married Captain America…” the woman continued, “parading around like she owns the place. God, you think you’re so special don’t you?”

At that Steve groaned as he saw Katie stiffen even more, her shoulders rolling back a little as she drew herself to full height, her body language one of a snake ready to strike, and he’d seen it countless times before, none of them ending particularly well for the other person involved.

“Not special, no.” Katie shook her head, her voice low and steely “But I’m certainly better than some piece of shit parent that brings their kid up with an attitude which makes them think it’s acceptable to not only harm a defenceless animal but be part of a gang of four boys who pick a fight with two kids three years younger than them.” She then stepped forward into the woman’s space and at that Steve hastily made his way down the stoop steps, ready to break up what he sensed was going to become another fight. “Now I suggest you get the fuck off my property before I drag you out of the gates myself, and trust me, patching up your son’s bruised ego at having the crap kicked out of him by a ten year old will be the least of your worries if that happens"

Steve slid his arm between the two women and gently moved Katie away. She acknowledged his touch, taking a step back but her eyes, which were blazing with anger, never left the woman in front of her. 

"Come on, Hallie..." the man next to her spoke

"Yeah, go on Hallie," Katie hissed, unable as usual not have the last word, "fuck off back to your troll cave and mark my words, your son goes near mine again and I’ll be the one stood on your door step. You got me?"

The woman swallowed, her face slipping before she turned and left, Katie’s eyes following them out of the gate.

“Stupid bitch.” Katie spat as she spun to Steve who shook his head, “What?”

“You’re scary when you’re angry.” He stated simply, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you expect?” She blazed. “Coming round here, shooting her mouth off, shoving you in the chest. I don’t like people touching my stuff. Fuck her.”

Steve chuckled and wrapped his arm round her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple and quickly changing the subject. “How’s the cat?”

“Vet says in a bad way but we’ll see. Her leg wasn’t broken but she’s poorly” Katie sighed, her demeanour calming somewhat as they stepped inside the house. “He said he’d call me when they have news.”

“Rori’s already been asking if we can keep her.”

Katie groaned “Why am I not surprised?” she paused as Steve shut the door. “So were they the only ones to turn up then or-“

“Yeah.” Steve nodded “I took a call off the parents of two others, but both were very apologetic when I explained what had actually happened.”

“How are you so calm about all this?” Katie stopped and looked at him. “It’s normally me that’s level headed when it comes to stuff they’ve done but-“

“Honey, I got my ass kicked all over Brooklyn.” Steve smiled gently, shrugging “As I said before, my Ma saw me in far worse states than Jamie came home in, and whilst I don’t like what happened, rightly or wrongly I’m kinda pleased that he’s way stronger than I was and can stand up for himself. Gives us a little less to worry about, don’t you think?”

Katie pondered his words for a moment before she let out a soft sigh. “I need a drink.”

**** Three days later on the Monday, after lunch, the entire Rogers family sat in the large living room watching Home Alone. Katie was curled up on one of the sofas her feet resting in Steve’s lap as he absentmindedly traced circles on the skin just above her right ankle, his eye focussed on the TV. Rori lay tucked up against his other side as she nestled into him, her legs hanging over the arm of the sofa whilst Emmy, Pete and Harry were sat on the larger sofa opposite, Harry perched on Emmy’s knee. Jamie was sprawled in the large armchair with Stark, his hand tangling in his faithful dog’s fur and Flossie was napping in her pack and play to the side of the room. Katie loved moments like this, having all her kids together, laughing and joking and chatting as they watched, every so often Steve making some kind of ‘dad’ remark that would earn him a groan in response, or cause Jamie and Emmy to exchange exasperated glances whilst he turned and winked at Katie, knowing exactly what he was doing.

This was what the holidays were all about to them both. Their family.

Feeling her phone vibrate, Katie shifted a little to locate it from down the side of the cushion and Steve looked at her, questioningly as she glanced at her phone.

“Be right back.” She said, leaving the room so as not to disturb them.

“Mrs Rogers, its John Mason.” The vet greeted her as she answered, shutting the door to the kitchen. “I just wanted to update you on Erica, the kitten you brought in.”

"Erica?" Katie blinked and the vet gave a little chuckle.

“Sorry, yeah, one of the vet nurses kinda nicknamed her and it stuck." The man's tone was almost apologetic. "It’s short for America. Cat-tain America to be specific" Katie let out a little groan of a chuckle “You know you'd really get on with my eldest daughter." The man laughed "Well, despite the odds being stacked against her I’m pleased to tell you she pulled through. She was extremely weak when you brought her in but she's healthy enough to be moved to the shelter tomorrow where they can continue to look after her until she hopefully finds a home" "Well I appreciate it. Thank you for letting me know. Are you emailing the bill over?” "No, there's no charge." The vet replied. "It’s Christmas after all. The time for good will and all that." Katie smiled "Well in that case I'll give an extra donation to the shelter. We normally take them something this time of year, especially seeing as that’s where our dog came from." "Yes how is Stark after we last saw him?" "He’s good." Katie turned her head to eye up the mutt in question who had followed her into the kitchen in the hope he was going to sneak some coveted human food, not a care in the world at the fact the last time he had snatched something he shouldn’t, it had cost them almost four hundred bucks and a Jamie melt down. "The sickness drugs obviously worked as he was fine. No chocolate poisoning thank God. I’d like to say it taught him a lesson on not eating things that are not meant to be eaten by him but sadly no, he still sticks his nose into everything, including my shoe closet. The vet laughed “Yes, they keep us on our toes. Well, lovely talking to you Mrs Rogers. Hopefully, no offence, but we won't see you soon and I hope you have a lovely Christmas." "You too. And thank you."

With that she put the phone back in her pocket and headed into the lounge.

“That was the vet.” She said.  Steve looked up at her, and the paused the film, all eyes turning to her. “The kitten is fine. She pulled through.”

“Well that’s good news.” Steve smiled, as Jamie gave a little grin and Rori cheered.

“They’re going to take her to the shelter tomorrow.”

“But it’s Christmas.” Rori said gently, her face falling. “She’ll be all alone.”

“She won’t” Katie assured her, knowing full well that she was as much of an animal lover as Jamie. “She’ll have other cat friends. Hey, they even gave her a name, they like her that much so…”

“What?” Rori asked.

“Erica.” Katie grinned, her eyes flicking to Steve “Short for Cat-tain America.”

At that Steve let out a groan as Peter and Emmy both snorted, Jamie howling with laugher but Rori’s face remained deadly serious.

“They should have called her Emmy.”

“Why?” Emmy looked at Rori who gave a shrug.

“Because she’s like you.”

“What, has a furry face and whiskers?” Pete quipped, causing Jamie to howl even more. Steve gave a grin as Pete easily dodged the blow Emmy aimed to the back of his head, his spidey senses telling him it was coming.

“No.” Rori rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically “I mean because she was all alone too until Jamie found her, just like you were until momma and daddy found you” she looked at her sister, the expression on her little face serious as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Steve and Katie exchanged a look, both of them sideswiped by Rori’s comment.

“I just hope she’s as lucky as you were.” Rori shrugged. “And that she finds a family that’s kind to her.” With that she turned back to the TV. “Now, can we finish the movie?”

“Erm, yeah.” Steve pressed play again and Katie excused herself to start dinner. He waited a few minutes before he headed out into the hallway to see Katie hastily pulling on her jacket.

“I need cheese for the lasagne.” She looked at him and he arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, right. Cheese.”

She shrugged and headed out of the door, and Steve turned to see Jamie stood behind him.

“Ten bucks says she’s coming back with the cat.” Jamie spoke and Steve snorted.

“First rule of gambling, you bet on a cert not against it. No deal.” He folded his arms as Jamie grinned “Not a word to your sister until your mom gets home or we won’t hear the end of it.”

***** About forty minutes or so later the system announced that Katie was home and Steve and Jamie exchanged a look. A few moments later Katie called them all out into the hallway and Steve watched as Rori and Harry shot out first, the rest following, as they heard Rori gave a shriek.

“Are we keeping her?”

“An early Christmas gift from Jamie to everyone.” Katie smiled as she crouched down and opened the little cat carrier and reached in for the kitten, which looked a damned site better than when Steve had last seen her.

“Jamie, you’re the best!” Rori turned to her brother and hugged him tightly. Jamie grinned and hugged her back before Rori turned round and held her arms out, Katie handing the kitten over.

“Hi Erica!” Rori beamed at the cat who looked at her, then around the room blinking before giving a tiny meow.

“Okay, look, if the cat’s staying can we at least think of a better name?” Steve pleaded, before he smiled and looked at Katie “What about T’Challa?”

Katie laughed as his suggestion was met with a resounding chorus of protest.

“Nope.” Rori shook her head, looking at him. “It’s bad luck to change an animal’s name. And now we have a dog named after Uncle Nee and momma, and now a kitty named after you.” She shrugged, her attention turning back to the cat and Steve watched Erica batted slightly at the little coloured woollen balls that adorned Rori’s sweater. Rori gave a giggle, gently pressing her nose to the cat’s head.

In the corner of his eye, Steve noticed a flash of white and tan fur but before he could do anything, Jamie grabbed Stark’s collar to stop him jumping all over Rori and the kitten.

“You’ll have to take them into the lounge so they can meet each other.” Katie instructed and Jamie nodded.

“Come on, I’ll help.” Emmy smiled.

“Me too, I love cats!” Peter grinned, and together they all headed into the lounge, Rori talking excitedly about all the tricks she was going to teach her new pet, leaving Steve and Katie alone in the hall.

“Funny looking cheese.” Steve quipped, as he looked down at the bag of items from the pet store, finally meeting his wife’s eyes with a smirk as she looked at him, her expression a little sheepish. “And after all that abuse you gave me last week over saying maybe.”

“Shut up.” She mumbled, and then with a grin she moved and slipped her arms round his neck. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Oh, I know you will.” He smirked, his hands resting on her hips. “And for the record, the next time you say that our little Diva knows how to play me, I’m totally gonna remind you of this.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second, Soldier.” She grinned, pulling his head down towards hers, kissing him deeply, “But for the record, it was the name that totally did it.”

“Sure it was.”

“That and the fact it’s black and white.” She grinned, a mischievous look in her face “Like your beard.”

“Well for that I’m definitely shaving.” His lips brushed against hers and she laughed, shaking her head.

“Please don’t.” she whispered, her teeth nipping at his jaw line, her mouth sliding softly down his neck and Steve gave a little moan, his fingers flexing on her hips.

“Well, maybe you can convince me to keep it.” He spoke softly, as once more his lips claimed hers.

[kinomiakai]

for gloomydemons on twitter - some modern AU fluffy softness and something to do with popsicles. I really hope it’s worth the wait!! From this <3

    “It’s way too hot.”

    It was about Naruto’s thousandth time groaning the line—and Sasuke’s thousandth time agreeing. He had to be annoying Sasuke by now, but the sun had been relentless today. He could barely even think out here, let alone hold a decent conversation with the guy he was supposed to go on a date with.

    Naruto cracked an eye open.

    Sasuke looked down at him.

    “I—should get a popsicle or something. Maybe that’d help…”

    Sasuke’s lips twitched.

    “Do you have any intention of getting up right now?”

    Naruto threw him a lazy grin.

    “S’too hot to move.”

    Sasuke flicked a bit of his hair away, and Naruto made a lazy attempt at biting at his finger. 

    Sasuke just flicked him again.

    “Moron,” Sasuke said, pushing himself up to his feet, “I’m going to the bathroom.”

    “Weh,” Naruto replied, waving a hand vaguely in his direction. He rolled over as Sasuke went, though—giving the way his back flexed just...one more look. He kept catching glimpses of it when they’d gone swimming, all wet and glistening and…

    He was allowed to look, right? This was a date. Sasuke had been super clear about it. Like, really clear. Like he’d expected Naruto to suddenly realize what he’d agree to and run away screaming.

    Naruto rolled back and closed his eyes again, laughing to himself. 

    Stupid asshole. 

    He’d even picked the beach—and Naruto was pretty sure Sasuke hated the beach. Naruto was pretty sure this was completely his fault. It was so hot today…

    “Moron.”

“Ah—whoa, hey, what’s—”

Naruto jumped up as something dripped onto his chest—

“Here. Just take it.”

“Oh—uh, thanks.” Naruto took it, watching as Sasuke sat back down, looking away— “This—aw. You got me the big size?”

“There’s no point in getting the small for that amount of money,” Sasuke muttered. “I was—I wanted a water anyway.”

He held up the bottle, and Naruto’s grin widened. 

“Uh-huh,” he said. “But thank you anyway, Mister Big Asshole Sir.”

Sasuke swatted at his shoulder, and Naruto laughed. He paused after a second, though, ‘cause Sasuke’s hand was—

“Aw, fuck that’s so cold! No, don’t pull it away, put your hand on my forehead, a—”

Sasuke shoved the water bottle against Naruto’s forehead.

Naruto groaned in pure, blissful pleasure.

“You’re an idiot,” Sasuke told him, “and your popsicle is melting everywhere.”

“Ah! No!!” Naruto scrambled at his hand. He was so overwhelmed with heat that he barely felt it all over—he licked up the syrup and desperately tried to catch the rest before it melted—

“You look like a dog,” Sasuke told him.

“Mm, ironic, ‘cause you look like a bitch,” he shot back, and Sasuke tried to kick him.  He fought him off with his own feet, though, stuffing his laugh back into his popsicle. His legs ended up on top of Sasuke’s, but he didn’t...he didn’t move them away.

This was a date, right? This was their first date. Sasuke was his best friend, but…

Sasuke leaned back, and one of his hands fell to rest on Naruto’s ankle.

Oh. 

Yeah, okay.

“Stupid,” Sasuke muttered, leaning back with his eyes closed. Naruto let himself scan him for a moment longer.

“You’re getting kinda red,” Naruto said.

Sasuke cracked an eye open.

“Are you sure you didn’t get popsicle in your eye?”

Naruto laughed.

“C’mon. We’ve gotta go while I still have the energy to move. Or you’re gonna have to carry me.”

“I will drag you by the ankle,” Sasuke said, standing to pull Naruto to his feet nonetheless. Naruto grinned at his back as he turned, ‘cause his hand had stayed awfully long…

But then they had the whole walk back, and Naruto quickly regretted his decision to just wear his beach sandals and nothing else. His swim shorts were still wet, too—as were Sasuke’s, but Sasuke didn’t seem to mind at all. Sasuke seemed happy as could be.

“Something entertaining you, moron?” he asked, giving Naruto the most casual glance. The most casual, smirking, eyebrow-raised pretty boy glance that Sasuke—

“Yeah, your face,” he muttered, and Sasuke snorted.

“Nice one,” he said, and Naruto—didn’t reply. He—whatever. Sasuke could think what he wanted. Sasuke was stupidly pretty. Naruto could stare at his face all day...he kinda had, too...

“You alright?” Sasuke asked, and Naruto glanced up.

“Wh—huh? Yeah. Why?”

Sasuke shrugged.

“You’re being quiet.”

Naruto laughed.

“Yeah,” he said, nudging himself into Sasuke’s side, “sometimes I like to think, asshole.”

That broke a smile out of him, and Sasuke caught his eyes for just a moment. He always looked away so fast—which was probably a good thing, in reality, because Naruto could just forget where he was and what he was doing and just…

“What about?”

Naruto jerked back into reality.

“Huh?”

Sasuke laughed.

“That brain of yours,” he said, “you were attempting to use it for something? Something resembling thought? No? Alright, well, another da—”

“Asshole!!” Naruto threw himself into Sasuke again. “You suck! I was thinking!”

“Mhm,” he said, “and those very real thoughts, were…?”

“That you’re a dickhead!”

Sasuke ducked his head to hide his smile.

“Yes, you already knew that. And then?”

Naruto laughed.

“Just—don’t laugh! I was thinking that this was—this was nice. Like—today.”

Sasuke’s smile faltered, just a touch. He wasn’t upset, though—no, not angry, either...he…

“I dunno,” Naruto shrugged, “it just kinda—felt like hanging out with you.” 

He shot Sasuke a grin. 

“I like hanging out with you.”

But Sasuke slowed down, then—and Naruto slowed down with him. Sasuke’s head was down and he breathed in—Naruto opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but Sasuke—

Stepped forwards.

Oh. Naruto breathed out the word and let Sasuke’s hand slip past his neck. Sasuke stepped a touch closer and Naruto’s eyes fluttered closed—he felt his breath on his lips and it felt like a warmth that was so much better than the beach—

Sasuke’s lips pressed to his. 

Naruto might as well have melted. He might as well have been the popsicle that Sasuke had bought him—Sasuke’s lips were so much softer than he’d expected, so much nicer, wow, Naruto really hadn’t expected them to feel this good—

Sasuke stepped back, and he took Naruto’s breath with him.

“Oh,” Naruto said, feeling his world spin.

“You said that one already,” Sasuke said softly, but his eyes were flickering back and forth between Naruto’s, filled with some sort of—

“It’s a good ‘oh’!” Naruto said, stepping forwards— “It’s a—I liked it! I like—you. Um, shit, I mean—

“You like me?”

Naruto breathed in—

“Well—you—I—I said yes, didn’t I!”

“You did,” Sasuke said softly. “You have been known to humour your friends.”

“I—not about this! Not—I wouldn’t—”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, and Naruto let out all of his breath at once.

“You ass,” he laughed, “you’re fucking with me! You’re fucking with me, aren’t you? You know that I—y’know.”

“I don’t, actually,” Sasuke said, stepping closer again, “please enlighten me.”

“I already did,” Naruto whined, and Sasuke’s lips twitched—he moved even closer, and Naruto’s head tilted up—

“Tell me again.”

Naruto felt his breath against his lips—

“I…” he said, staring at them, “um…”

“Hm?”

Naruto’s arms slipped around Sasuke’s neck...he didn’t do it on purpose, he just…

“Yeah,” Naruto said, his eyes slowly drifting up to Sasuke’s. “I really like you.”

Sasuke’s face slowly softened into something...oh. Oh—Sasuke had looked at him like this before, but he hadn’t known what it—

“Good,” Sasuke said softly. “Me too.”

...Naruto’s mouth twitched.

“You really like you too?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sasuke said, breaking the grip. Naruto followed him, laughing—

“No, no, no, Sasuke!! C’mon, it’s only natural, you’re the greatest and all—”

“Oh, I’m the greatest?” Sasuke spun around—

Naruto caught him by the hand.

“I think you’re the greatest,” he said—and there it was. All at once, Sasuke softened, slowing back to Naruto’s side—his hand gently intertwining his fingers with Naruto’s…

Naruto bit his lip, and smiled down at the sidewalk.

“What’re you making that face for?” Sasuke muttered, and Naruto glanced over to see Sasuke not even looking at him. Was he always looking at Naruto in secret or something? Naruto never caught him!!

“Um. Just—I kinda felt it, then,” Naruto said, laughing at little. “That you liked me.”

“...Well,” Sasuke said, shifting a little, “I should hope so.”

Naruto laughed again, and Sasuke gave his hand a small squeeze.

“Can we go out again tomorrow? Is that too soon? We’re already at your place…”

Sasuke laughed.

“That’s never stopped you from coming up before,” Sasuke said. “Come on, moron. I have popsicles in the freezer.”

Naruto laughed.

“Well, gee, Sasuke,” Naruto laughed, already hopping up the stairs, “why didn’t you say so? Lead the way.”

Sasuke pulled him in, and Naruto pressed in for another soft, tantalizing kiss.

(He kissed his way up the stairs, too.)

[lowkey-lokis-bitch]

grief is not as heavy as guilt - bucky.barnes

pairing - bucky barnes x reader

warnings - a few curse words, violence, making out, general sad lmao

word count - 3063

a/n - look who finally wrote again? bitches i’m backkk. also pls send requests so i can be inspired to write lmao

Power vibrated throughout your body. The team watched diligently as the purple sparks erupted from your fingertips. Don’t think about them, concentrate. You forced your eyes open to aim your energy towards the mannequins at the other end of the hall. You felt your feet begin to leave the floor, and though it might try, gravity had no chance of pulling you back down. You sped up and across the hall, a faint purple haze trailing your body. You spun quickly, before ploughing your fist into the first dummy, sending it flying and bouncing off of the glass walls. You heard a communal exclamation from the team behind you as you landed on the floor, which fuelled your desire to impress them even further.

The second figure didn’t stand a chance as you leapt and roundhouse kicked it, leaving it in two pieces on the floor. You didn’t even turn to look at the final dummy as you lifted your hand behind you and blasted it, sending it smashing through the wall, a subsequent streak of coloured electricity humming in the air.

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about that. I’ll pay for it,” Tony spoke, his voice loud enough for you to hear across the training hall. “Not like I pay for enough around here.” He trailed off before leaving the room, rubbing his forehead.

Your breathing began to slow as you regained your strength and stepped towards the remainder of the team. Sam looked at you with an impressed look plastered across his face, reaching out to give you a pat on the back as you passed him.

“Better every day kid,” he spoke, laughing as he turned to walk alongside you.

“Thanks Sam,” you said, looking up to give him a smile. Sam had become like an older brother to you during your time with the Avengers, there for you whenever you needed him. His intense sense of humour was highly useful during the dark nights, when the thoughts were too extreme to sleep. “You ready to take me on, yet?” “Damn, you know I’m getting too old for that. You need someone like Parker, or Bucky. I bet he could take you down with that metal hunk of junk,” he smirked, never dismissing an opportunity to give a dig in Bucky’s direction. You rolled your eyes in response, laughing quietly. Your relationship with Bucky wasn’t necessarily a secret, but you made a conscious effort to keep it separate from your work.

Taking a quick look around, you noticed that Bucky wasn’t in the training room. The team had split into two groups, with Steve, Nat, Wanda and Vision deep in discussion and Peter and Rhodey messing about with their suits. Tony had been locked in the lab for the past few days, so it was safe to assume that everyone’s equipment had received a serious upgrade.

“I think I’m gonna train a bit longer,” you stopped in your tracks, turning to face Sam. “But I’ll see you later? I think I’m gonna make pasta for dinner.”

“Ooh, you know I can’t miss your pasta,” Sam chuckled, his eyes crinkling. “Take it easy kid, you’ve worked hard today.” “Thanks,” you gave him a quick hug before jogging towards Steve. “Hey, can we spar?”

He wrung his hands, looking across at his teammates, “I think Wanda might be a better fit.” There was a long-running theory amongst the team regarding you and Wanda, and you were aware of some bets that were happening under the table concerning who would win in a battle between the two of you. Your powers shared a similar undertone, hers stemming from the Reality Stone and yours the Power Stone. You were already drowsy from your earlier training, but you knew that to keep up with the rest of the team you had to push yourself.

“You up for it?” you tilted your head towards Wanda, who seemed nervous yet confident.

“Sure,” the woman’s Sokovian accent bled through her speech. She had been training with Natasha to disguise her dialect for mission, but when she was with the team, she often fell back into her natural cadence.

You moved towards the centre of the room, stretching your arms and cracking your neck. Wanda shook her hands at her sides as she steadied herself across from you. You gave her a quick smile then turned to Steve, making sure that he was ready to pull you out if it got bad.

“Okay, rules. Play ‘til someone taps out. No extreme power usage, otherwise Tony will get pissed at us for breaking things.”

“Language,” Peter yelled out from behind Rhodey, fully using him as a shield if his joke went down badly.

Steve rolled his eyes before continuing, “If it gets out of hand, Rhodey and I are ready to step in. You good?”

I gave him a quick nod, Wanda doing the same. He held out his hands to gesture the start of the competition. You took a deep breath, your eyes focusing on Wandas. You thrust your hands out in front of you, a shield of purple streaks appearing between you and leapt into the sky. Wanda rocketed backwards, throwing her hands above her to raise segments of the floor into spikes. You swerved to avoid the stalagmites rising towards you and crashed to the floor, your fists pounding the concrete and sending out purple cracks. The rock around you crumbled and you could feel the power pulsating throughout your body. You could see the deep purple hue surrounding your body as you stood, then sprinted towards Wanda.

She met you on the ground, her eyes glowing a bright red and her fingertips sparking with flares. You threw a punch directed at her left shoulder, which she blocked and kicked at the back of your knee. You fell, but swung your feet to take her down with you. She landed on the floor with a thud, the air knocked out of her lungs. You stood quickly, preparinging yourself for a burst of energy, not noticing that Wanda had sent her hand towards you. You were thrown into the far wall with a flash and you tumbled to the floor. Whining, you lifted yourself onto your hands and knees and looked at the woman doing the same across the room.

You stood slowly, feeling the entirety of your strength flooding your body. Steve and Rhodey flashed each other a concerned look, before turning their gaze back to you. You didn’t care. All that you could focus on right now was the power coursing through your veins, and it needed an escape. You began to walk, before it became a run, and then you flew into the air at an increasing speed. Rhodey snapped his helmet on, having an idea of where this was heading. You weren’t in control of your own body at this point, you had no idea how to stop what was about to happen. This had almost happened once before, but Bucky had been there to help you, to talk you down from this place. He wasn’t here now.

You bulleted towards Wanda, screaming. Your hands were out in front of you, and you had one intent. Kill. You could see the fear in Wanda’s eyes as you got closer and closer, before Rhodey grabbed you around the waist, Steve grabbing Wanda. You flailed in his metallic grasp, desperate to release your power somehow. You flung your fists at his head, not feeling the pain as your knuckles ripped and became bloodier with every punch. You heard Rhodey grunting as he struggled to maintain his grip on you, and your power surged, further and further. Until it gave out.

Your left hand was warm, despite the rest of your body remaining at a normal temperature. You opened your eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the sudden light in the room. A figure was sat by your bedside, his hand overlapping yours. The dark mop of hair was comforting to you, and you moaned a greeting.

“Hey doll,” Bucky looked up at you, giving you a soft smile. “You’ve been out for a few hours. How are you feeling?”

“Not great to be honest,” your voice was croaky, and it was almost painful to speak. “I can’t remember anything, what happened?”

“Well, you were training with Wanda. She threw you, and you kinda freaked out,” he spoke slowly. “Rhodey grabbed you and you passed out. They brought you straight here.”

“Is Wanda okay?” your voice wobbled, concern present.

“Yeah, just a bit shaken. I’m more concerned about you.”

“Baby,” you mumbled, feeling awful about what had happened. “I don’t know what it was, it’s like I wasn’t in control.”

“I don’t blame you, you’d been training for hours. You need to take a break sometimes babe,” Bucky’s eyes met yours and you could see the emotion swirling in them.

“If I have any chance of being able to go on missions with the team, I need to learn to control it. My power can help us-”

“But not if you won’t help yourself.”

Your eyes fluttered shut as a tear dropped onto your cheek. Bucky brushed it away with a finger and placed a delicate kiss to your lips. You opened your eyes to meet his, and he gave you a soft smile before kissing you again. You put your hands around his neck, pulling him towards you so that he was lying next to you on the bed. You flipped slightly so that you were able to place your legs across his, almost straddling him. Your tongues moved in sync, dancing and exploring each others mouths. You stroked his face, his scruffy beard tickling your beaten knuckles. You winced slightly, causing Bucky to pull away before you pulled him in even closer.

His hands roamed your back, pulling your hips to meet his. It wasn’t often that you got time alone during the day, and by god he was going to make the most of it. Your feet moved under the covers, brushing his and bringing a further sense of closeness. Bucky lightly scratched your lower back with his metal hand, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine and making you smile into the kiss. You trailed your hand along his shoulder and placed your other palm flush against his chest. After a few moments, Bucky pulled away, his breathing ragged.

“I love you doll, so much.”

“I love you too.”

The New York skyline was glittering as you stepped into the evening air. The team was out on mission, but Steve had decided that you were to be used as back-up, thus leaving you with the quinjet, waiting for a call. You paced back and forward, hearing crackles through your earpiece. Bucky checked in with you every so often, but it had been a while since you had heard his voice.

“Nat, where are you?”

“You see, there are a lot of aliens so I’m trying to deal with those at the minute.”

“Yeah, well, look to your right. There’s a lot more coming.”

You looked up to the dark sky and saw an immense ship descending towards the city. Before it had even reached the floor, there were masses of creatures jumping out of the doors to attack the population.

“Guys, I’m coming in,” you tried to sound assertive, before Steve shot you down.

“No, (Y/N). It’s too dangerous.”

“I don’t care. I can help. I can stop this.” You levitated into the air, speeding towards the city at an incredible speed. You aimed for the ship, your fist out in front of you ready to strike. You shot through the flow of creatures, sending them flying. Bodies crumpled before you and you fired a blast from your fist into the crowd, killing hundreds of the slimy mutants.

“Baby, this is too dangerous.”

Bucky’s voice almost stopped you in your tracks, but you forced yourself to spin and throw an electric burst to the ship. It exploded into shards of metal, which rained down on the city, taking many of the creatures with it. You could feel the power rising again, and you knew this was going to end the same way it did when you were training. But you were their best chance at finishing this.

You turned and took off towards midtown Manhattan, leaving a purple haziness in your wake. You landed with a crash, sending sparks flying in a mile-wide radius. Creatures flew into the air, their bodies contorting and exploding. You glanced around and saw your teammates fighting off bodies, and being overrun by the sheer amount of them. You ran towards Clint and Natasha, doing a barrel roll into the horde of aliens drowning them. They flew, glowing purple before fizzling out. Your body began to glow a deep violet, your eyes the strongest, darkest shade. The sight caused the pair to take a step back before shouting quickly on their comms. You couldn’t hear anything other than the blood pulsing in your ears.

You flew into the air once again before focusing on Tony, Rhodey and Peter working together to take down a group of creatures. You shot towards them, hurling a ball of electricity into the crowd of aliens, leaving them disintegrated in piles of ash. Tony retracted his helmet to look up at you with concern, but you had already left, searching for the final 3.

Steve was fending off a gang of creatures with his shield, the constant ricochet of the vibranium weapon ringing in his ears. Sam was soaring above him, sending shots down and dropping various weapons into the masses of aliens. Bucky was close to Steve, sending bullet after bullet flying from the gun in his hand. You dove towards the faction of beasts, landing in a crouch. The concrete beneath you fractured and split, purple light weaving into the cracks. Every creature in the city flew into the air, erupting into a wave of purple flame. The power flowing through your veins didn’t cease, you felt it building and building. You glowed with a ferocity that had never been seen before.

Bucky stepped towards you, knowing he was the only chance at saving you from yourself. He dropped his gun and stood face to face with you. He searched your eyes for any sign of you, but all that he could find was the unlimited power coursing through your body. He reached his hand up to rest on your cheek, and a tear fell from your eye. You wished you could put your hand atop his, but you couldn’t control your body. It felt as though you were trapped in a shell, a shell that was hell-bent on destroying everything in its path.

“(Y/N)?” Bucky’s voice was soft, a sense of desperation clear.

You continued looking straight ahead, your breathing picking up. Your hands drew into fists at your sides, and your glow intensified. You wanted to warn Bucky, to tell him to move. But you couldn’t.

“I love you,” Bucky spoke, and you erupted.

Thud.       Bang.       Crash.

The dummy in front of you fell into pieces, and your fists ached from throwing punch after punch. Sweat dripped from your forehead as you looked at the ground, feeling as though you were going to throw up. Bucky had been asleep for 2 weeks, under constant supervision from Bruce and regular checks from Tony. You couldn’t bring yourself to see him, knowing that you put him there. Your lack of training had done that to him. Steve had become increasingly concerned about you, checking in with you a few times a day, until he couldn’t find you in your room. You were in the training hall. Always.

If you had trained harder, you would have been able to control it. Bucky would be okay, you would be happy together and everything would be okay. You cursed yourself once again before grabbing one of the multiple mannequins you had lined up along the wall. You placed three in various positions before steadying yourself at the opposite end of the wall. You breathed slowly, then sped towards them, your feet lifting from the ground. You plunged your fist deep into the first one, picking up the broken model and throwing it at the second. You leapt high into the air, summoning all of the power you could muster and aiming it towards the final mannequin. A blast shot through the air and split the dummy in two. You remained in the air for a moment before lowering yourself to the ground and shooting blasts across the room in pure frustration.

“Woah!” a voice called out from the door, and you spun quickly to see Bucky bruised and beaten, but alive.

“Oh my god,” you brought your hand to your mouth and tears pricked your eyes. You wanted nothing more than to sprint into his arms, but something made you hesitate. Guilt.

“Babe?” Bucky spoke again, walking slowly towards you. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” you blurted out, your voice cracking. You crumbled to the floor, partially from exhaustion but also from the sheer amount of regret for what had happened. “I’m so sorry.”

Bucky rushed to your side, cuddling you into him. You just rocked yourself and repeated your apology over and over again.

“Baby,” he spoke softly, a tear falling from his eye. “There is nothing to be sorry for. You saved all of our asses out there. You know that right?”

“But I almost killed you.”

“I’m still here. You didn’t think you were gonna get rid of me already, did you?” he smirked, but the underlying emotion remained on his face. “Why are you in here? You need to take a break doll.”

You tilted your head to look at him, tears streaming down your face, “You said it yourself. I saved you all, but if I’m gonna do it again I need to practise. How are they going to tru-”

“Screw them all,” his face turned serious. “Really. Fuck ‘em. I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do. Please. You need to look after yourself, if not for you, for me.”

Bucky pleading was enough to bring you to your knees, “I love you Bucky.”

“I love you too, doll.”

[slashersrus]

Jeremiah Valeska x Male Reader - High

“Stay here, I’ll come get you once the bombs have detonated.” Placing his ruby lips on his forehead, Jeremiah stepped back and started towards the door.

“I can help you J! I’m not some fragile, little bird that you need to keep caged.” Seeing Jeremiah leaving, Y/N stepped forward, grabbing Jeremiah’s unnaturally pale hand.

“I know you’re not, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met,” pausing Jeremiah ran a finger down his cheek slowly, “but I can’t risk losing you, so please, stay here. You have Ecco to keep you company, she’s loyal, she’ll protect you.”

“What is that?!” A loud bang sounded through out the safe house, Y/N jumped to his feet as Ecco drew her gun threateningly, donning the jester mask she held loosely in her hand.

“Stay here.”

“Hell no!” Grabbing his pocket knife, Y/N slowly followed Ecco out of the small room, his eyes darting round for any danger.

A hand reaching out and knocking Ecco out was the last thing he saw before a bag was thrown over his head, something heavy colliding with the back of his head as his knees crumpled to the ground.

“Leave her. We have what we came for.”

Groaning, Y/N rolled his head, his neck cracking as he opened his eyes, glaring at the people surrounding him. He was stood in between Tabitha and Barbra, white hands holding him tightly in a standing position, Butch behind him. Oswald Cobblepot stood a few feet away, grinning as he held Jeremiah’s core relay. They were in another safe house of Jeremiah’s, Y/N frowned, wondering how they had found the locations before his eyes fell on the dead body of Jongleur.

Slow, methodical steps filled the room as Jeremiah Valeska made his way down the stone steps, his followers trailing after him obediently. Y/N’s eyes widened with relief upon seeing his boyfriend, the relief slowly dying and draining away as he realised this was a hostage situation, and he was the hostage.

“Oswald Cobblepot. Barbra Kean. In my stronghold.” Not yet noticing Y/N, Jeremiah glared at Oswald.

“Not one step closer, Mr Valeska.” As Oswald spoke, Tabitha held a slim gun up to Y/N’s head threateningly, Jeremiah’s breath hitching at the sight.

“And is that my dear Y/N being held like a rag doll by your brute? Oh and my core relay.” The darkness that overtook Jeremiah’s eyes could have scared any sane or insane person.

“Indeed, it is.” Grinning happily, Oswald spoke as he played with the core relay in his hands, careful not to drop it.

“Huh. Well, it seems you have the upper hand.”

“Undoubtedly. And now, we have our own demands.” Oswald stepped forward as he spoke, ignoring the dangerous glint in Jeremiah’s eye.

Talking long, confident strides forward, Jeremiah grabbed an abandoned chair, sitting rigid as he carefully studied Y/N for any injuries, a slight sigh of relief leaving his lips as he saw none.

“$50 million.” Oswald smirked at the man, Barbra nodding along.

“$50 million. That’s what you want?” Jeremiah drawled out the words, his brain flitting around madly for a way to rescue Y/N without using the rocket launcher he had hidden behind him, he couldn’t risk hurting Y/N.

“It’s a nice, round number.” Oswald spoke with humour, knowing he was in charge of the situation taking place.

“I don’t quite have that on me right now.” Jeremiah sarcastically spoke whilst glancing down at his attire, clearly not holding that amount of money on him.

“You gave the mayor six hour to evacuate Gotham. An impossible task. Let him buy another hour. He will save thousand of lives. $50 million dollars will seem cheap.” Watching Oswald shrug and blackmail Jeremiah caused fury to burn in Y/N veins, trying and failing to pull out of the tight grasp.

“I see. I play the villain and you get away Scot-free and rich. I get you the money, you give me back my Y/N and my core relay?”

“That is usually how a hand off works, yeah.” Barbra snarked at Jeremiah, Y/N snapped at the disrespect they were sending Jeremiah.

“Don’t do it, don’t let these idiots blackmail you!” Cracking his head back into Butch’s nose, Y/N tried to pull himself free whilst shouting.

“And to add incentive.”Butch’s grip remained tight, the hit barely affecting him as Tabitha snarled at Y/N, pulling out a needle as she spoke,”little Y/N here has around two hours to live before he dies painfully, unless you give us the money and we cure him.”

Jeremiah stood up in a flash, his gun pointed at her as she jabbed the needle into Y/N’s neck, smirking sadistically as he groaned in pain.

“What the hell is that?” Marching forwards, Jeremiah cocked the gun, about to fire before Barbra stopped him, placing her knife on Y/N’s neck as Tabitha spoke.

“Just a little something usually used for interrogations, a personal favourite of mine. It causes bursts of extreme pain in between a high sensation, they basically spill out all their dirty little secrets before they die in agony. It’s very affective, trust me. The poison lasts for between an hour and two hours before the victim succumbs to their death, Y/N seems like a fighter meaning you have two hours to hand over the cash. Catch!” Smirking in victory, seeing Jeremiah’s face fill with dread before his usual stonic mask took over, shoving a groaning Y/N toward Jeremiah.

“Y/N?! Y/N, talk to me!” Darting forward, dropping his gun and barely caching Y/N, Jeremiah cradled him on the floor as he let his emotion take over, completely ignoring everyone else in the room.

“Hiya J.” Giggling slightly,Y/N spoke, a dazed look appearing in his eyes as he poked Jeremiah’s cheek.

“Fix him!” Glaring up at Oswald, Jeremiah picked Y/N up bridle style, cradling him to his chest as he spoke.

“$50 million for the antidote and the core relay, you have your time limit, Mr Valeska.” Oswald spoke, a smile on his face as Jeremiah sneered at him. Tilting his head, Oswald watched on amused as all emotion left Jeremiah except for the dangerous glint in his eyes.

“You drive a hard bargain, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Did anyone ever tell you, you kinda look like that Jerome guy?” Y/N cocked his head, watching Jeremiah with wide, innocent eyes causing him to sigh in agitation at being compared to his brother, knowing that Y/N couldn’t help it, glaring as Tabitha laughed cruelly at the delirious boy.

“Ill get your money.” Walking out of the building with Y/N still in his arms, poking his face and neck giggling, Jeremiah spat at Oswald.

“You let him get captured!” Jeremiah clenched his first around Ecco’s neck, squeezing as she choked and cried out apologies.

“I-I’m sorry, please!”

“You’re lucky, I need you to go and get me $50 million or you’d be dead right now.” Letting go of her throat, Jeremiah sat on the couch by Y/N, pulling him onto his lap.

“Go!” Shouting when Ecco just too still, panting heavily, Jeremiah watched as she flinched and ran away with wide eyes.

“Carrot top! I think I love you!”Beginning to tell him not to call him that, Jeremiah froze, looking down at the boy with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Mm, you’re warm. I’m cold. Why am I cold? I feel all tingly and weird.” Shaking his arm dramatically, Y/N straddled Jeremiah’s lap, cuddling into his chest and nuzzling his head into his neck for warmth, completely forgetting what he just said.

“Y/N?” Wrapping his arms around Y/N, Jeremiah frowned at the feel of his ice cold skin, lifting his head up so that he could look into his eyes as he asked the next question, his voice deadly serious.

“Y/N, how do you feel?”

“Great! Why-“ Y/N cut off to an abrupt stop, coughing into his hand as he vomited up a bit of blood.

“Ugh, my stomach hurts, Jeremiahy.”

“Oh, that’s not good. We need that antidote.” Helping Y/N stand up, Jeremiah began to lead them to the door, desperate to get the money for the antidote.

“Don’t you dare die on me!” Picking Y/N up when his legs collapsed and he passed out unconscious, Jeremiah urgently rang Ecco to meet him at the strong hold with the money.

“There’s your damn money! GIVE ME THE CURE!” Feeling Y/N’s body shake, Jeremiah screamed at Oswald as he stood in front of him, Ecco tossing the bag of money over.

“And don’t even think of double crossing me because I have the remote to the bombs right here and if Y/N dies, I will order her to press it.” Keeping a tight grip on the shaking, pale Y/N, Jeremiah nodded towards Ecco who stood holding the detonator, causing Oswald’s eyes to widen.

Gesturing for Tabitha to hand over the antidote, she threw it to Ecco who caught it before they all left in a hurry, grabbing the bag of money on their way. Rushing to Jeremiah’s aside, Ecco handed him the vial as Y/N started to cough more blood.

“Hang on, Y/N, you have to!” Laying him on the floor, Jeremiah gently opened his mouth, pouring the liquid from the vial into his mouth and making him swallow it.

Minutes went by, the occupants of the room tense as Y/N’s body went completely still, before a weak gasp left him.

“Y/N? Y/N, oh thank god!” Pulling him into a hug, Jeremiah stroked his back as he coughed into his shoulder.

“What happened?”

“Oswald and his cronies poisoned you, but its okay, you’re fine now.” The last part was mumbled, more for Jeremiah’s sake than Y/N’s.

“Can we kill them?” Pulling away from Jeremiah, Y/N asked darkly, having no memories of the previous events.

“Most definitely.”

Walking from the room Hand in hand, plotting Gotham downfall, Jeremiah snickered slightly before speaking, “so you love me, eh?”

Seeing the deer in head lights look on Y/N’s face, a smile spread across his own face, “It’s okay, I love you too.”

[unofferable-fic]

THE ADVENTURES OF STEVE AND TRYING TOO HARD — ONESHOT

Summary: In an ideal universe where Loki and Ellie find themselves living happily in the Avengers Compound, Bucky Barnes presents us with the reasons why a certain super soldier can’t help but be enamoured by the young woman, but also elaborates as to why it is an absolutely terrible idea.

Gif originally found here

————

Set Post Thor Ragnarok (Infinity War never happened because I said so!)

Pairing: Loki x OFC

Warnings: Language, Steve getting mercilessly teased, hopefully excessive humour.

Word Count: 3,253

Playlist: “Still Into You” — Paramore, “Hard Times” — Paramore

————

A/N: Also available on AO3. The idea for this oneshot came about through a conversation I had with a close friend with regards how the other Avengers would get on with Ellie if they were to ever meet within the Unofferable universe. As it was, my friend was convinced that Steve Rogers would have the hots for Ellie, but I suppose we couldn’t really blame him right? This is pure humour, crack, banter between pals, with a little bit of Loki and Ellie thrown in, but hopefully y’all enjoy it either way. For the purpose of this oneshot, let’s just imagine that Ellie has been living on Earth since TDW with no idea that Loki was still alive, alrighty? And THANK YOU FOR 300 FOLLOWERS! You’s are a delight to write for and thanks for sticking with me <3

If there was one thing Bucky couldn’t fault Steve for, it was for trying.

Incessantly.

And if there was one person Steve could not stop trying to get the attention of, it was Ellie.

He saw the way the Super Soldier eyed the young woman when he thought no one was looking. Heck, you would have to be blind not to see it — even then, Bucky questioned whether someone who was visually impaired wouldn’t notice the constant pining. To him, and most of the team, it was as plain as day. This was, however, an awful idea for two reasons:

One, Ellie was still completely infatuated with her former lover, Loki, also known as the God of fucking Mischief, no matter how she might deny it given recent events.

And two, it didn’t seem like Steve was her type. At All.

Bucky couldn’t fault her for that. After all, being attracted to someone of the desirable sex was all down to uncontrollable personal preference. He loved Steve more than anyone, but if she saw his friend as nothing more than just that, he wasn’t going to argue. As long as she wasn’t a bitch about it, he would leave her to whatever men she wanted to actually date. She seemed to enjoy flirting with Bucky more than even attempting to reciprocate Steve’s advances. At least Bucky knew that she was merely joking with him, given the nature of how their friendship had blossomed after he was taken out of cryo. He enjoyed her company immensely, and it was refreshing to be around someone who was aware of his struggles while also avoiding treating him like he was made of glass.

Since Thor and Loki had returned to Earth, after what was apparently the destruction of their home world — planet, realm? I ain’t got no fuckin’ clue —  things in the compound had been tense. Bucky was not surprised when Ellie placed a cracking slap on the very-much-alive-Loki’s cheek. He whistled at the sight, while the god tried his best to smile at her while she verbally destroyed him for faking his death again. Having heard all about their relationship, Bucky understood her anger and frustration. You couldn’t help but sympathise with her when she stormed out of the room to cool off. It was sometime before she was willing to stay in the same room as him, but the insistence of pressing missions and requests for the Avengers’ assistance meant she would have to adjust to the new team member faster than she had hoped. Eventually, they were on — albeit, tense — speaking terms. Now that he saw them together, it was clear that they shared a deep bond spanning years. They were alike in mannerisms and habits, and Bucky usually watched them intently when they were in close quarters; they spent a great deal of time staring at the other when their back was turned. Bucky was getting impatient as to when they would stop being so stubborn and just admit they still loved each other.

Of course, Steve, the punk, saw this as his window of opportunity to declare his feelings for her. The day he approached Bucky for advice in the kitchen nearly left the latter crying in amusement.

“Ya wanna what?” he asked the Captain, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he sat at the counter eating a massive bowl of cereal.

Steve glared at him and pursed his lips together. “Jesus, Buck. There’s no need to be an ass about it.”

“No, no, no, ’m sorry. Just…explain that again.”

With a roll of his eyes, Steve repeated himself. “I want to ask Ellie out to dinner. Or maybe coffee, if she’d prefer that. Like a date.”

“You want to ask Ellie out on a date?”

“Yes.”

Bucky paused, holding back his grin. “Ah, I think ya might be punchin’ above your weight there, Stevie.”

Steve’s face fell immediately. “What do you mean?”

Frowning in his seat, the Winter Soldier let out a sigh and set down his spoon in the bowl. “Judgin’ by her relationship history, she seems to have a kinda…particular taste. And high end taste, at that.”

“You saying I’m not high end?”

“Nah, punk. I’m sayin’ that she was so deeply involved with Loki. Plus, it’s obvious he still loves her and that she loves him, if ya ask me. I mean…he’s basically a god. Maybe you shoulda sat this one out, pal.”

“If they loved each other, would they not just talk it out and get back together?” he asked, apparently not entirely convinced by his reasoning.

“I don’t think their situation is as easily put as that, even though I think they should just bite the bullet and talk about it.”

Steve shrugged, doing nothing to mask his dejected expression at the thought of Ellie not reciprocating his feelings. “Alright, that’s fair to say. But I really like her, Buck. What’s to say that maybe she likes me too? We get on pretty well.”

“I know ya do, but Loki would probably try to kill ya if you went anywhere near her and you know it. He has superpowers and shit. Don’t mess with magic, Steve.”

“Awh, c’mon—”

“D’ya see how he shoots energy from his hands? That’s fuckin’ cool. Ya can’t do that.”

“I know but—”

“He’d end ya in two seconds flat. Give up before you begin, that’s my advice. ’Ve got fifty bucks on Loki anyway; twenty that she’s gonna slap ya ’round like a rag doll.”

“Why would Ellie do—?”

“Ya got no hope, Steve. Punchin’ way above your weight here.”

“Okay, Bucky! I see your point!”

The former assassin did his best to hold back a grin. He loved to tease his best friend when the opportunity arose, so this occasion was no different. “’M not sure ya do. Lemme explain, okay, pal?”

“Oh, this should be good,” Steve said dryly and sat down on a stool next to him. “Well? Out with it.”

“Well, you’re punchin’ above your weight here, number one, ’cause that guy is a literal god or some shit, and, number two, she’s too hot for you anyway. ‘Ve a better chance with a dame like that.”

The Captain’s face was anything but amused, his eyes now narrowed and lips pursed tightly. “Of course, Bucky.”

Bucky shrugged casually and went back to eating his previously abandoned cornflakes. “I ain’t wrong!”

“Something tells me that you’re talking shit, punk,” Steve grunted and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Your advice has been anything but helpful.”

“You came to me for advice,” he replied. “’S not my problem if you think it’s harsh. I’m just tryin’ to look out for ya. I don’t think it would end well.”

“What wouldn’t end well?” an unmistakable voice called from the other side of the room. The super soldiers turned to see Tony strolling towards them.

“Awh, Jesus,” Steve groaned under his breath. “Anyone but him…”

Without hesitation, Bucky explained the situation. “Steve wants to ask Ellie out on a date because he thinks she pretty.”

Steve’s gaze immediately shot to his (now former) best friend. “Bucky?! What the hell—!?”

“Oh,” Tony whistled with a cringe on his face and made his way over to the presses. “Damn, Cap. That’s a terrible idea.”

“Why?” he demanded, distraught. “And why are you making that face?”

“It’s a terrible idea because there is a certain demigod in your way,” he stated simply as he grabbed a mug for some coffee. “Loki would sooner tear you in half then let your big muscly-self get anywhere near his beloved. And I’ll have you know that this is the face I make when I hear a very stupid idea.”

“Have ya forgotten he threw Stark outta window before?”

“You weren’t even there when that happened!”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“Not really!”

“Alright,” Tony cut in, waving his free hand while he poured coffee into his mug with the other. “We’re getting sidetracked.”

Bucky nodded in agreement. “The main point we’re tryin’ to make is that ya definitely shouldn’t be chasin’ after Loki’s girl, even if you guys are close. While what I said about her likin’ me instead of you was meant to kinda annoy ya, I also meant it in terms of her taste in guys.”

As Bucky was expressing his thoughts, Tony stood there umm-hmming along and blowing on his hot beverage. “I’m with Sergeant Plum on this one, Cap. Punching way above your weight. Plus, last time you fought Loki, he slapped you silly until I showed up to save the day.”

Captain America stood there and scoffed aloud with the biggest pout on his face. “I hate all of you.”

“No you don’t; you love us.”

Steve looked positively horrified as Tony made a kissy face at him, and Bucky nearly choked on his cereal as he laughed. “How old are you, Tony?”

The billionaire was quick to gasp in mock hurt. “That is a very impolite question so I will not dignify it with an answer. Also, Barnes is right; he would have a better chance with her. You’re too…blonde, or something. Too morally righteous! You need to break the rules a little! Be spontaneous!”

“Unpredictable!” Bucky added excitedly.

Tony clicked his fingers and continued on. “If you plan to compete with the God of Mischief, obviously! Reindeer Games is always doing spontaneous stuff.”

“He’s probably the most spontaneous guy here.”

“Oh, and dye your hair. Get a beard!” Tony paused thoughtfully, took a quick sip of his coffee, and then explained further. “Basically, become Barnes in terms of looks, and Loki in terms of attitude. Got it? That way you’ll be set!” Steve was about to reply, but was overshadowed by more of his friend’s quick thinking. “Although she still might choose Loki ’cause, you know, history and stuff.” He shrugged. “Can’t compete with that.”

“Tony’s got a point,” Bucky confirmed. “You’re competin’ with someone she basically grew up with…on another planet… While you were frozen in some ice.” He hesitated for a few seconds then nodded his head firmly and met his old friend’s eyes. “Maybe ya should just sit down, Stevie.”

“It’s over, Rogers,” Tony agreed and gave the man a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “You tried but it was never going to work out.”

“What?” Steve exclaimed, looking between the pair completely stunned. “But I didn’t even get to try yet!”

“You tried your best,” Bucky went on, ignoring his outburst. “But she just wasn’t into ya.”

“Just hold on a minute,” he grumbled, using his Captain’s voice to shut them up. “I’m not afraid of Loki, okay? He has no say over who she decides she wants to go on dates with. He doesn’t own her.”

Tony raised a brow and casually leaned against the counter behind him. “Uh, it’s not just Loki you have to worry about.”

“What do you mean?”

“You forgot about the shippers.”

“Awh Jesus, Tony…”

“The who?” Bucky asked, realising that he was missing something important. “I don’t follow.”

“The shippers,” Tony repeated, his face quite relaxed. “It’s a name given to fans who really love two characters together as a couple. They say that they ‘ship them’. And when they have a favourite ship — let’s say Ellie and Loki — they mix their names together to make the ship name. In this case, it’s Lollie, which is sickeningly adorable. Loki plus Ellie makes Lollie. You get it?”

“Kinda,” Bucky replied, scratching his bearded jaw. “And they do this for all different characters?”

“You bet they do! My personal favourite is the ship name for Pepper and I; Pepperony. It’s genius.”

“Oh, that is pretty clever! So, hypothetically, Steve and Ellie would make…Stellie?”

“Eww,” Tony gasped as a shudder ran through him. “It sounds unnatural.”

“Okay,” Steve grabbed their attention, finding it hard to keep himself calm. “You two are getting distracted again. Why should I be worried about the shippers?”

Tony looked at him in mild disbelief. “Are you joking? They would not approve at all! Do you have any idea how loyal the Lollie shippers are?”

“I’m assuming very?”

“Very.”

Steve sighed heavily. “Alright but I don’t exactly care about the opinion of these people. Let them be disappointed. Is the main concern here not Ellie and I being happy?”

“Look, nobody likes disappointing shippers. You could always just veer towards another pairing—”

“I’ve already told you, I’m not gay, Tony.”

“Well I hope you’re happy disappointing all the Stucky and Stony shippers.”

Bucky leaned back in his chair, his eyes narrowing. Did he just fuckin’ say…

“Did you just smash our names together?” he asked Tony, pointing between himself and Steve. “In one’a those ship name things?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, some of them are into the idea of you two bumping uglies.”

“Pfft, no way. He’s not my type; way too needy.”

“Did you just call me needy, jerk?”

“I’m just sayin’ what we’re all thinkin’, punk.”

“See?” Tony insisted, waving his free hand between them. “It’s playful banter like that that makes people ship you two beefcakes.”

“Look, Tony,” Steve began slowly, doing his best to regain some amount of control over the conversation. “I see the points you’ve both made, but I think I’m just going to ask Ellie myself and see what she says.”

“Ask Ellie what, Captain?”

All three of the men froze mid-conversation at the sound of another person’s voice joining in. Bucky slowly turned his head to see the God of Mischief himself standing in the  doorway of the kitchen. His face was completely blank, not giving away any ounce of emotion, and all this did was make the Winter Soldier unsure as to whether he had heard much of the conversation.

“Uh,” Steve drawled, looking very much like a cornered animal. Bucky had to hold back a grin at his previous statement of not being afraid of Loki. “I j-just was going to ask Ellie if she wanted to, eh, go for a…run later.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” Bucky mumbled under his breath and withheld the urge to facepalm. Steve was always a terrible liar.

Loki, looking completely stone faced, walked slowly into the kitchen and replied. “I see.”

“How are you two doing, actually?” Tony asked, watching as the demigod opened the fridge and pulled out an apple. “You and Ellie? Still having trouble in paradise?”

“There is no trouble, Stark.”

“Uh, not to be the bearer of bad news, but have you forgotten that wicked handprint she left on your chiselled cheek?”

“I think that is of little relevance,” he shrugged and sat at the counter across from Bucky and Steve with his apple and a knife in hand. “Women do that to me frequently.”

“Didn’t ya also get a slap off the Hulk?” Bucky asked as he finished his own food

“Banner hits a little harder than Ellie,” Loki answered, cringing slightly at the memory. “I find that when she hits me it is a lot more…pleasurable.”

Steve’s eyes nearly fell out of his head at that. “What the fu—”

“So you two are…” Tony set down is mug and made a circle with his index finger and thumb before repeatedly putting his other index finger through. “Gettin’ some again?”

Loki stared back, expression unreadable. “I beg your pardon?”

“Never mind. What I mean is, let’s say someone were to — oh, I don’t know — ask her out, let’s say on an intimate get-together. We call that kinda thing a date here on Earth. What would you do if someone asked Ellie out on a date?”

All three men looked at Loki intently, gauging his reaction in a way that Bucky was aware probably made it very obvious that someone did in fact want to ask Ellie out. Alas, they sat expectantly and the Trickster picked up his apple and began slowly carving slices as he spoke. “If someone were to seek out the little one and ask to court her, I can assure you that he would not get within ten feet of her before I were to slit his throat with this knife, Captain.”

As if to drive his point home further, Loki stabbed the knife down through the apple’s core and suddenly levelled his gaze on a very stunned Steve. The silence in the room was deafening for some time.

“It as nice knowing you, Cap,” Tony said in a rush, patted his shoulder, then hurried out of the room as quickly as possible with coffee in hand.

The two super soldiers were staring at the god in disbelief, a sweat very clearly beginning to break out on Steve’s forehead.

“Do you think me an idiot?” Loki hissed, green eyes boring into him.

“Eh…no.”

“I did warn ya,” Bucky mumbled, awkwardly sitting there with his bowl in his grasp.

“Hey, guys.”

The sight of the subject of their conversation walking into the kitchen caused Bucky to let out a relieved sigh. Ellie walked up to the counter and assessed them all. “Jesus, what’s goin’ on in here? You’s look a bit tense.”

“We’re just talkin’ about…women,” Bucky explained while the other two glared at each other. “Ya know how guys get about women! Anyway, what brings ya to this side of the compound?”

Ellie nodded slowly, clearly not convinced in the slightest, but avoided the subject anyway. “I was lookin’ for Loki, actually. Tony said you were in here.”

“Yes, love?” he answered, grinning in delight.

“I was comin’ to get you so we could watch some more Black Mirror. Are you good to go?”

“Of course.” He got to his feet and handed her a slice of apple which she took happily. “Lead the way.”

Before they could get anywhere near the door, Steve bit the bullet and called out. “Hey, uh, Ellie?”

Bucky was quick to intervene with a hushed, “Steve—”

“What’s up?” Ellie asked, standing in front of Loki and unaware of the look of complete distain her former lover (possibly current? Who fuckin’ knows…) was sending the Captain.

“Any chance you might want to, uh, get a cup of coffee together later? I’d love to talk more about that book we were discussing before.”

The young woman showed no obvious signs of surprise, but Bucky knew that she became a master of hiding her emotions because she learned from the best. Even still, it took her a few seconds to answer. “Sorry, Steve. I promised I’d watch telly with Loki tonight. Maybe another time soon though? ”

He smiled slightly and nodded. “Sure, have a good night.”

With that, the pair left the room and left Steve and Bucky sitting at the counter alone once more.

“Sorry, pal,” Bucky said sympathetically after a moment.

His friend met his gaze and answered. “What?”

“I know ya liked her a lot. It’s never nice gettin’ rejected.”

Steve was the picture of confusion. “What are you talking about, Buck? I didn’t get rejected.”

Bucky’s eyes went wide at his statement. “Yes, ya did. Did ya just fail to notice that she said no?”

“Actually, she said ‘another time’. That’s not an outright no. There’s still a chance!”

“Oh my god,” Bucky sighed and held his head in his hands. “You’re really not helpin’ the blonde beefcake stereotype, ya know that?”

Steve let out a chuckle at that and shook his head. “Shut up, jerk.”

“Not a chance, punk.”

Taglist: @jonsaiscomiing @wrappedinlokisarms @unseelie1963 @talinalani @fightmelight @spookass @myinnerkemono @tumbler-bumblr @jclements919 @ao3-hipster-fangirl-trash @proactiveturtles @iamthered @tlbrooks-68

[madluv]

Hard Boiled / SS scene rewrite (Joker x Harley)

so this is a rewrite of the Joker’s club scene in SS, that I’ve changed to give a more classic feel and dynamic to the clown duo. requested after posting a headcanon, I figured this setting fitted them both better imo. Enjoy babies ! M rating / oneshot

🔷♦️🔷♦️🔷♦️🔷♦️🔷

A coyote was crushed beneath a giant anvil, dropped from a cliffside and down into the cavern. An insufferable talking rabbit was evading the gunshots of a stuttering hunter. A cute-eyed canary taunted a skinny, desperate, stalking cat… Animated and action packed, the brass band of the Looney Tunes theme song crackled out of old speakers, cracking and popping in its loudness. The tiny television’s signal kept dropping, from cartoon to white noise, cartoon to static, but the Joker wasn’t paying much attention to the constant flitting of picture quality. He was staring endlessly at the colours, the quirky animation, eyes glazed and mindless. He was leant back, legs spread, sinking deeper and deeper into the soft comforts of their scuffed leather sofa. Harley’s tunelessly high humming kept him teetering on the edge of awareness, just irritating him enough that he didn’t drop off into a totally dissociative state. Not quite lost to the childish violence of the cartoon crazy. The warehouse – what was their humble abode – amplified noise and echoed, a cacophony. The TV, Harley’s humming, her hurried use of pots and pans bang-clang-clanging in their crudely made kitchen filled the vacant space, a heightened sound of exaggerated homelife kept the Joker from disappearing into his endless thoughts completely.

Harley was happy like this, without the clown white, her blonde hair wrapped up in a scruffy bun. She loved to play mommys and daddys whenever they shared little moments of downtime together. She’d flip pancakes (he’d find flakes of plaster in his portion since she failed to catch them, always.) She would redecorate and customise the warehouse, fairy lights were wound around every steel beam, splatters of green or red paint would freckle her face. She’d hang his best newspaper clippings in colourful frames and littered with lipstick kisses. He really did love her in those small moments, when she’d smile proudly, a shadow of a woman she desperately wanted to be, how she wanted them to be, and somehow, sometimes they were. Harley worked hard at being the doting wife, the soft lover, the loyal sidekick and companion. It was an elaborate roleplay of another life that Joker couldn’t quite partake in, so he’d placate himself, sit his ass on the couch and stare at the screen like any other husband would do.

The Joker shifted, adjusting his pants and sighing at the shitty signal. “Harley!” He aimed his pistol lazily at the bent wire above the television box. It wasn’t that Harley’s games were boring per say, but there was a real reason why Daddy kept himself busy. Without the meticulous planning, the sleeplessness, the chaos – memories came creeping in the stillness and quiet. But tonight, downtime was necessary. Partly running the Gotham criminal underground meant for meetings behind closed doors (much to his disappointment) and quiet nights that didn’t always draw police attention or panicked crowds (then what really was the point?) Harley made the most of these particular moments, while the Joker played the role she saw fit of him, watched absently when she rolled his cigars or adjusted the television set.

“How’s that puddin’?” she planted a kiss on his cheek and the cartoons were back in all their violent vibrancy, though his gaze followed her as she waltzed back to their kitchen. Harley smiled widely from behind the countertop, catching his eye, looked mild and warm in her flowery apron and a white shirt of his own. Something squeezed viciously at his throat, suddenly unable to swallow and he snapped away from her waving with a wooden spoon in hand, sneered instead of smiling and rummaged for the remote amongst a mess of cushions.

“I hate this channel!” Shouting. A sudden nervous anger stirring in the pit of his stomach. It became too important to change up the channel, an antsy need to get up off the sofa and throw things around in his searching. “Harleeeeeeeey, where’d you put my Tom n’ Jerry tapes?!”

Before she could even answer over the din, the wide shutter doors threw open, bleeding street light into their hideout home. Frost stood, his standard suited unflappable self, accompanied by another figure, their invited guest for the evening, newcomer and self entitled gangster in Gotham City, Monster T. Who nodded, smiled smugly and naively felt welcomed into the warehouse by Joker’s upward glance alone. That tightness was still at his throat. Jaw solid, he watched this acquaintance and his sharply dressed right-hand approach. Monster T was certainly imposing, impressive in both size and swagger, but an idiot for ever accepting an invite to the Joker’s own Hahacienda without considering the cause. Joker smiled, all teeth and tight – stared at T’s outstretched hand and said nothing.

“No touching,” Frost explained curtly.

“Fair enough,” the man shrugged simply, and he sat when Joker gestured him to, only after taking a seat and settling himself first.

Monster T was mighty pleased with himself, he could tell from the slight simper, his relaxed demeanour, he believed himself privileged (important) to be personally escorted by the Joker’s own PA. Sat back, arms spread, he surveyed Joker’s warehouse with an eyebrow raised, a humoured expression across his scarred face. “Nice place ya’ got here,” he commented, glancing across at Harley less subtley than he most likely thought. Joker felt his molars grind, but offered a tiny fleeting smile at T’s feigned compliment nonetheless.

This wasn’t usual procedure for the Joker, to open house to every wannabe thug in Gotham City. The well educated folks, likes of Falcone and Maroni’s men, never attended any one-to-one time with the clown prince of crime. Considered his business a waste of time and money, knew the likely consequences of meeting with the Joker alone… but sometimes new naive blood, the likes of Monster T, arrived in the city with big dreams, to make a dollar or two in the drug trade, would set up shop on the Joker’s turf unknowingly, mistaking themselves for big shot gangsters, barely grown and stepping on toes all over Gotham. He’d need to be quick to learn it didn’t work like that, either the Joker’s empire got a generous cut, or Monster T got cut, his choice.

The politics of this bored Joker completely, but he understood it necessary from Frost’s strategic suggestions and Harley’s constant nagging for cash. A long time back, before the clowns, cards and needless carnage – before the Bat – he knew he’d relished in the backstabbing, double crossing, dangerous game. Some life of long ago. And there were parts of him that clung to the taste of it. That if he let go he’d lose it completely – and it would be lost to the dark, like so many other memories.

T coughed to clear his throat and Joker was rudely roused back to the land of the living. Smoke filled the room and a strong, bitter, burning odor assaulted his senses. Despite himself, he choked too. Harley was fanning a flame with a tea towel, was loudly apologetic and flustered, face flushed from the heat of the stove. Whatever she was cooking, was wrecked and oil bubbled. Harley let out little squeaks as she was splattered. “Oops!”

“Oh, wow,” T laughed, waving the smog from his face. “I don’t know how you do it Joker.”

“Do what?” He didn’t like that condescending tone.

“You gotta get ya’self a girl that can cook,” T continued matter of factly, chuckling. “Nothin’ better than comin’ home to a hot meal and a warm bed.”

Joker laughed too and he laughed loudly – a sharp and barking sound that came suddenly and unexpectedly, breaking the casual conversation and shattering the illusion of their like-mindedness. He rolled his eyes. Typical Harley, right? What a useless, stupid woman, couldn’t even cook a couple of eggs right, and all in front of their welcome visitor! He glared, grinning at T, “you’re tellin’ me!” Joker cracked, slapping his thigh. The chaos in the kitchen went silent. “Hey, why don’t you join us for dinner?” Joker leaned in, elbows on knees. “What d’ya say?” He didn’t wait nor care for a response. “Harley, sweetness, light of my life, get out the good china – we got ourselves a guest!”

“Oh goodie!” Harley squealed, followed by some more bang-clang-clanging of pots, the fire finally extinguished. Room for more failing of Harley’s home economics.

“Look, Joker, man, I didn’t mean –”

He raised his hand, kept his smile. “Ah-ah-ah. Dinner first, business second.”

It was true, Harley had her faults. Hell, she had more faults than the next one – and if he were to write a list, it’d be as long as his arm. She couldn’t cook for shit, sure. She didn’t make much sense, she had a tendency to blow off the handle at every little thing. She was difficult. She was a disaster. But Harley was his woman, riddled with mistakes and imperfections that made her all the more perfect for him. Who was this jumped up prick to be telling him the kinda woman he needed? Who was he to speak up at all? He was just some cunt from Chicago, selling coke on his streets, with the cheek – the ignorance, the sheer fucking audacity – to open his snake mouth and spit shit on his Harley Quinn.

T was no longer slouching, back straight and solid, and no longer as smug or as proud as his entrance. He shifted his dark eyes from Harley (who was sing-songing so happily) to Joker, whose head was tilted, watching in silence. “Serious – no need, I already ate,” T tried, squirming and swallowing, his adam’s apple bobbing.

“Don’t be so silly,” Joker waggled one signet ring finger. “A man’s never full, is he?” He narrowed his gaze, grinning. “Don’t insult me now.”

T gushed, guffawed, “I ain’t ever –”

“Hope yer hungry boys!” Harley crooned, in that dulcet high and trying tone of hers. “Mama’s made her best yet!” She pulled, with an excruciatingly painful scraping on concrete, the coffee table up to their feet, set down three bowls, three sets of rusty spoons. “You too, Frosty? This’ll warm ya' right up!” She giggled at her own terrible pun and Joker felt his eyes rolling upwards.

“Hurry it along Harls–” Joker was persistent. “We’re starving.”

“Yessirree!” She saluted, her hand inside a massive oven mitt. “Comin’ right up!” and tottered back to the oven where her burnt broth was bubbling.

Monster T was sweating, his t-shirt was soaked at the neck and it wasn’t the heat from the kitchen that had him shifting uncomfortably. He blinked at the bowls, and the table before him. Fingers were twitching, he looked to the shutters. “Have I done somethin’ to–”

“Let’s eat!” Joker had grabbed for his spoon, sat anticipating a feast with his feet tapping the floor.

Harley returned, stumbling with the sheer weight of the cooking pot, a mitten and a thick towel wrapped up to her elbows. She was smiling proudly, though the pot smelt rancid. Even the infallible Frost flinched as the scent reached him. Joker gave an exaggerated “can’t wait,” meeting with Monster T across the table. He was clearly panicked by the pot and it’s bubbling. The stench of hot oil. The simple man seemed like he was finally getting the message.

“Look, Joker, I don’t want no beef…”

“No beef?” Joker repeated, scoffing. “No beef?” And Harley hung at Joker’s side, joining in on the forced laughter. “You hear that sweet cheeks, he doesn’t want any beef!”

“Just as well then puddin’ that I made minestrone!” Harley cackled. And with all of her might, thrust the pot over, pouring all of it’s scalding contents onto T’s head. He reacted too late, taking a face full of the molten liquid. Clothes stuck to his flesh and tore in one fluid, flailing movement. He screamed only once before the screeches turned to gurgles. Skin sloughed from the bone, soft tender threads of blood and tissue, sinew that fizzed and bubbled and bloated. He was blinded, bawling and mouth gaping silently for mercy. And then he was gone, twitching as he tumbled onto the table. Nerve endings buzzing as he bled out and boiled over.

“How’s that tastin’ huh?” Harley asked, clearly just as (if not more so) offended by Monster T’s comments.

Joker was still laughing, snarling, prodding at the trembling mess as a crackling scent of pork hit the back of his throat. He howled with sadist delight and disgust. “Just like mother used to make!” And pulled Harley in for a smack on the cheek. That’s my girl. Who says she’s a bad cook? Joker clicked his fingers. “Frost, clear this shit off my table. Harley’s gonna make us some eggs.”

“Sunny side up, baby?”

“Sunny side up poo.”

🔷♦️🔷♦️🔷♦️🔷♦️🔷

If you liked it, feel free to hit up my inbox and suggest another scene from SS you’d like rewritten ! ( jarley content only ) much love, madluv 😘

[theamazinguchihabruhs]

The Criminal

“You won’t believe the day I have had!” Itachi threw his keys on the coffee table before sitting right next to Shisui, immediately wrapping his arms around the older Uchiha’s torso. “It was terrible and humiliating and ugh!”

“I haven’t heard the ‘ugh’ for a while now, did you get scolded by somebody at work?”

“No, it is worse…” Itachi sighed exhaustively.

“Tell me about it, I locked myself outside the car with the car keys in the fucking car” Shisui shook his head.

“Did you guys have such an awful day too? The idiot assistant changed the code of the safe...and forgot what it was”

“Wow, the save with all those private papers? That is terrible” Shisui said as Madara nodded and sat down.

“Did you manage to open it?” Itachi asked.

“Actually...it is a funny story, I came across that blond brat and he...he cracked the safe open” both Shisui’s and Itachi’s eyes widened.

“Naruto?” Shisui asked.

“Yeah, that guy, I said I owed him one”  Madara waved it off, but wasn’t aware of the coincidence.

“He cracked open my car when I locked myself out” Shisui said.

“He cracked the lock of Suké’s apartment” Itachi said, both Shisui and Madara turned their heads at Itachi with a strange look, “I left my...stethoscope at his place, I don’t have a key...because he...never gave me...a key” Itachi looked away.

“Why don’t you begin with your story…?”

Oxoxoxox

*The apartment*

“Come on, come on” Itachi tapped his foot on the ground, “Pick up, pick up…”

“This is the voicemail of-”

“Fuck!” Itachi kicked the tire of his car before turning his head towards the apartment block. He put the phone against his ear. “Suké, it is me again...I need you to pick up alright? This is important, it is...about...that...thing...I left...in your apartment, anyway, call me back” Itachi sighed, looking at the screen of his phone for two whole minutes.

“If it isn’t Uchiha Itachi, are you here for your boyfriend?” Itachi immediately felt a vein pop in his head.

“I don’t have time to beat you up, Uzumaki” Itachi stated as he angrily turned around.

“I was going to ask how you were doing, but I already know the answer; moody” Naruto sat down on a pole. “I wish I could help cheer you up...”

“Unless you can magically make a masterkey appear in your hands, I don’t know what use you are to me” Itachi scoffed.

“I don’t have a masterkey” Naruto lowered his head, “But...you do”  Itachi frowned by Naruto’s words “Your hairpin, dattebayo”

“Tch, that stupid shit that only works in movies”

“Fifty bucks says I can help you sneak in your boyfriend’s apartment by just using that hairpin”

“I am not going to give you fifty bucks so you can buy pot”

“Hey, I am clean, as for you...you are trying to sneak inside your boyfriend’s apartment, well, I am not going to question-”

“I left...my...stethoscope, a very good one! I need it back...for work” Itachi folded his arms, “I tried contacting him, but he isn’t picking up”

“You guys have been together for about a year, no house key exchange?” Naruto asked.

“My relationship is none of your business” Itachi tone sounded harsh. He looked away, “He has only one spare key, I think his sister has it”

“Don’t worry Itachi, I will help you” Naruto stood up.

“What do you want for it in return? I mean...If you really can get me in”

“No worries, we are practically family, dattebayo” Naruto had this smirk face and Itachi gave him the most confused look his face could possible make.  “Let’s say you owe me one” Naruto said.

“...Fine” Itachi sighed, getting the hairpin out of his hair and handing it to Naruto.  “Fourth floor room 483, and no I am not giving any painkillers as rewards”  Itachi walked inside the apartment block while Naruto followed.

“It won’t be some medical issue, I can tell you that upfront, it will probably be something...precious” Naruto scoffed when he reached the door. “This is too easy, it is like shooting a baby through the head”

“Why is every brat using that expression? That’s not how it goes” Itachi threw his hands in the air. First Sasuke, now this idiot. What is wrong with this generation?

“I am sure Sasuke says that all the time, you know he can’t say piece of cake because last time he baked something I ended up in the hospital” Naruto knelt down and took the hairpin from Itachi.

“Actually, Sasuke mentioned your mom said to put walnuts in it, so actually the real mastermind behind your almost death is your own mother”

“Ha, in that case you two have a lot in common” Naruto stood up and pushed the door, opening the room. “Told you I could do it”

“I am too relieved to question why you are able to pick locks”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” Naruto said.

“You...stay here!” Itachi rushed inside, immediately going to the bathroom and picking up what appeared to be a set of clothes, he tried to push it in his bag before hearing a cough behind him. “I told you stay in front of the door…” Itachi said, closing his eyes as if he was busted by police with the possession of drugs.

“So...Sasuke’s clothes?” Naruto leaned against the door frame, recognising the black hoodie all too well. It was the item of clothing Sasuke wore the most.

“...I...borrowed it and it is really none of your concern” Itachi said, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah, I know I am blond, but if those clothes are here and you went home that night...it means you had...clothes on...which means...you had some nasty use for those clothes-”

“I am not confirming...anything, I simply...borrowed…some clothes, now...fuck off...before I kill you” Itachi put the clothes in his bag before turning around and walked out of the room, stopping right next to Naruto to whisper: “And we will never...never...talk about it again”

“One last thing, don’t you want to pick up Sasuke’s glasses on the night stand or are you just going to leave them?”

“...I am just…yeah...” Itachi walked back inside the room to fetch the glasses. “Not a word” Itachi repeated as he walked out of the apartment. Naruto followed him all the way to the elevator.

“There is just one thing bothering me, dattebayo”

“No questions!” Itachi hissed.

“I just...can’t imagine...Sasuke’s clothes actually fitting Suké…” Naruto looked confused at the elevator door closing. The ride down was silent and Itachi didn’t walk out right away when the doors opened.

“It is because...he is not the one wearing them” Itachi answered, causing Naruto to gasp.

“I am awkwardly turned on, dattebayo” Naruto stated as Itachi shook his head and walked out of the elevator, leaving the blond there. “Remember, you owe me one”

Oooxoxoxo

“Yeah, that was basically the whole story” Itachi sighed.

“Do you have it back?” Shisui asked

“What?” Itachi asked

“The stethoscope…” Madara reminded him.

“Was it lost? I mean...yes, yes of course!” Itachi folded his arms and looked away. “Anyway...what about your story?”

“Mine?” Madara asked, “Well, there is not much to it...really…”

Oxoxoxxox

*the safe*  

“You did what?!” Madara flipped his desk, causing the men in the chair to scream like little girls. “The fuck am I supposed to do now?! I gave you one fucking job!”

“You assigned him exactly 6 tasks” The assistant muttered, holding the clipboard against his chest.

“It is an honest mistake!” The man said.

“No, it is not! I could tell a baby to memorise four fucking digits, why can’t you!?”

“Babies, can’t even talk” The assistant cleared his throat.

“You know how a safe works? It has 10 digits and do you know how many possibilities it will leave me with? 9 TIMES 9 TIMES 9 TIMES 9! Yes, my loser idiot, dyscalculia, little brother can even do that kind of math!”

“I am deeply sorry!” The man said, looking at the ground. Madara sighed and sat back down.

“What done is done…” He said, rolling his chair towards the window and opening it.

“Boss...couldn’t you have had that reaction of acceptance before you flipped the table?” The assistant asked.

“It is called the stages of grief, anger is one of them!” Madara said.

“Hey Madara!” The Uchiha looked surprised at the pavement, seeing a little blond dot.

“Oh, that idiot...” Madara commented.  “Hey!”

“I couldn’t help hearing you scream! Everything alright?!” Naruto shouted.

“Some idiot forgot the combination of the new safe!”

“Oh! That sucks...! What type is it?!”

“Like I know!” Madara shouted back.

“Hey! I think I might be able to crack it! Dattebayo!” The blond shouted.

“What are you?! A criminal?!” Madara asked.

“I am not answer those questions without my attorney present!”  Naruto shouted, causing Madara to laugh. He indicated for Naruto to come up before turning his chair.

“I like that brat, he has guts, my sense of humour” Madara said, leaning back in the chair, “Why was I mad again?”

“The safe”

“Right!” Madara said, but then got distracted after seeing the door of the office open.

“How did that even happen?” Naruto asked as he walked inside. “Hey, I am Naruto” Naruto introduced himself to the two strangers in the room.

“Nice meeting you” The assistant says, shaking his hand before leaning towards Madara, “How do you know him?”

“He is like a friend of my youngest brother...I am not sure what they are…”

“Let me see the safe, maybe I can crack it!” Naruto said and then followed the other guy, followed by Madara and his assistant. “Oooh, that is hella easy!” Naruto put his backpack down and grabbed a stethoscope.

“Do you just walk around with that?” Madara asked.

“Nah, I came across Itachi…I...borrowed it from him” Naruto turned his head to Madara and smirked. “Sort of” He knelt down and within 20 minutes, Naruto opened the safe.

“0308, that is your code, but you might wanna get changed now” Naruto stood up.

“You are amazing!” Madara said, looking impressed.

“...Isn’t it questionable why a teenager...know how to crack a safe?” The assistant asked. Madara frowned and looked at Naruto.

“If  you are involved in some criminal organisation...I am not telling you to stop, I am telling you to stay the fuck away from Sasuke”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” Naruto chuckled.

“Is there anything I can do for...for kinda...saving my ass~” The man tapped Naruto’s arm with his elbow.

“You can take a mint, dattebayo” Naruto commented, making the other chuckle.

“But he is right, if there anything-”

“Aaah stop it, Madara, we are practically family, let’s say you owe me one, dattebayo!”

‘Sure, but as a bonus, I will let you take this notebook for five minutes with all the dirt on…”

Oxoxoxoxox

Madara cleared his throat.

“Dirt on...the...President!” He looked at Itachi, who just kept staring ahead of him.

“Little bitch stole my stethoscope…” He stated.

“Yeah, you lied to us about it” Shisui said.

“It is weird...how does he know how to break a lock, crack a safe…dude...that kid is bad news” Madara said.

“Look at you, caring about your youngest brother”

“Owh, Sasuke will be fine...I am not worried about him” Madara stated.

“Maybe he was like one of those criminals...maybe he changed” Shisui said.

“At least he is nice enough to help us” Madara said.

“Yeah, I guess my story is up next”

Oxoxox

“Fuck, why did I stop for coffee on the way?! Why didn’t I wait in line for ten minutes to get the damn coffee...I couldn’t walk away once I stood in line...the time waited would have been for nothing!” Shisui hissed to himself as he grabbed the latte and opened the door of the car, slamming it behind him. He stood still for a moment before slowly turning his head around, seeing his bag with the important papers in it, still in the passenger seat.

“...No...no...” He pulled the handle several times, but the door was locked and the keys were still inside. “No, no! Damn the garage and their stupid replacement car!” Shisui kicked the tire, but in the process dropped his latte. He started at the disposable cup with utterly displeasure in his eyes.

“Why.Am.I.Fucking.Alive” Shisui sulked.

“Shisui?”

“Naruto, hey! What...what are you doing here?” Shisui asked.

“I was walking by...you seem in distress, dattebayo”

“I am late for a meeting and...the papers are in my car...that’s locked...”Shisui stared at the window, “And I dropped my latte”

“That is worse than the important papers in the car” Naruto walked towards Shisui, looking at the car. “That is an old car”

“The garage lent it to me until they fix mine”

“I might be able….To open it” Naruto said cracking his fingers.

“You can?”

“I can give it a try, you are look out, make sure no cop sees me-”

“Naruto, it is my car-”

“Owh...they won’t believe you when you are with me...dattebayo” Naruto muttered grabbing something from his bag. Shisui swallowed, looking around the parking lot.

“Done!” Naruto stood up and opened the door to grab the keys and bag. He handed them to Shisui.

“Thank you so much! Ah Uzumaki, I owe you one” Shisui embraced Naruto,dropping his bag in the process.  Naruto laughed and picked it up, but he remained quiet when holding a book. He looked back up at Shisui who cleared his throat.

“That...that is...from a friend” Shisui stated.

“Yeah…I choose to believe that, dattebayo…”

Oxoxoxoxox

“He is a born criminal” Itachi said.

“Am I the only one imagining Sasuke as Britney Spears singing Criminal?” Shisui asked.

“No, now I do too!” Madara said. Both shared a look before the door of the living room opened.

“Hey, you are all home early” Sasuke walked to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of juice.

“Where are you going?” Itachi asked.

“Oh, Naruto is here, we are just going to my room”  

“...To do...what?” Shisui asked.

“I am going to grab some of my stuff...wait, I am going to stay over at his place, you know that, right?”

“NO!” Both Shisui and Itachi shouted.

“He said he asked each of you” Sasuke stated, causing all three to widened their eyes.

“Hey guys! You guys don’t mind if I steal him? Dattebayo” Naruto asked, smiling kindly...at first...that smiled turned into a smirk. “I did ask each of you” He wrapped an arm around Sasuke’s waist, pulling him a little closer, “I wouldn't have asked if it wasn’t for my parents leaving tonight-”

“Absolutely not!” Itachi shouted.

“Is this what you mean with something precious!?” Shisui added, “Itachi was right about you!”

“What are they talking about?” Sasuke looked at Naruto.

“Ooh, you guys came clean to one another? Oh, I guess Itachi stealing Sasuke’s clothes for the roleplay with his boyfriend had to come into discussion, and Madara’s notebook filled with dirt on each of your siblings, not to mention the book Shisui was reading  “Fifty shades of grey” and “Laws regarding incest”, I figured it was only for the best to talk about it openly...instead of keeping...secrets...dattebayo”

“Look at him” Madara shook his head, but there was a proud smirk spread across his lips, “We cock block him and he stabs us all in the back…you have balls, Uzumaki”

“You guys…” Sasuke’s voice sounded dangerously low, catching all attention in the room. He cracked his fingers. “Let’s talk in an old fashioned way about what is morally good...and bad”

“Well, guess I have to go then! Seems you have to work stuff out! But I will see you guys...you all...do owe one” He winked before leaving the room.

“That son of a bitch” Shisui shook his head, “He set us up...like a real lawyer, I gotta admit...he did get us”

“I still fucking hate him” Itachi sounded pissed.

special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing~

[survivorhephaestus]

RITES OF PASSAGE

Logan, Katie, Josh, and Jakey, it’s time for us to remember those who have fallen. It’s been a long and winding journey up here among the stars, and you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the other twelve people who used to be part of the crew.... so let’s take a moment to say their names, and memorialize their place in the cosmos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8hdNL7ZUA

KAREN

Jakey: 

“KAREN i wish you waited more than 5 minutes to come after me cause i wanted to work with you!!! i knew u were good with katie n would be a good ally but u rly tried to eat this pussy and i wasn’t into it!!!! but ik you’re rly funny and you prob would’ve been more active than most of these people so im sry :( but i rly had to show these bitches not to continue trying me”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a deer because you're friendly, peaceful, and compassionate. - Your song: MMMBop by Hanson“

Katie:

"I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch."

JAY

Jakey:

“i wish we were able to talk more!!! your time was cut short because you chose the wrong side and i was just getting out the people who voted for me im sry bae”

Katie:

"Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe."

LAURENCE

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a deer because you're friendly, peaceful, and compassionate. - Your song: MMMBop by Hanson“

Katie: 

"Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this."

STEVIE

Jakey:

“hello my king. i wish you just voted with me the first round!!!!! i rly liked you, but i had stronger relationships with everyone else and felt i could trust them more. i appreciate your fight tho it was fun playing together!“

Josh:

“I was really excited to see you and to play with you again! It’s just a shame that we ended up in a position where we couldn’t. Hope you’re doing well though!“

Katie:

"Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no?"

OWEN

Jakey:

“!!!!! you were in this game that is WILD to me… the all stars casting WHEW this was a cast from hell, truly. KJFJKKFJ but I’ve always loved u even if we aren’t always working together in games. and in this game we started on opposite sides which is ultimately why i had to make the move i did!!! no matter how much i wanted to play w you down the line, you had ur allegiances!!!! i wish i was at least able to catch up w you :( remember that snap you sent me on thanksgiving once???????????????????????? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;))))))CTFU”

Katie:

“Um, I'm never been to oovoo javer."

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a penguin because you're gentle, enigmatic, and hard-working. - Your song: Temptation by New Order”

CARSON

Jakey:

“wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you rly had to get voted out right before a merge… we would have RAN THIS GAME!!!! ily i hope ur great bc ur great and u deserve everything a literal ANGEL!!!! im gonna yell at katie for voting you out now”

Josh:

“The Minkowski music video we did was the best one I’ve seen and it’s thanks to your dancing! It was nice getting to know you and to play with you!”

Katie:

“Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick.“

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a horse because you're noble, loyal, and free-spirited. - Your song: Waterfalls by TLC”

RICHIE

Jakey:

“!!!! my actual favorite… you were def my closest ally (asides from renee) and i loved our little f3 sm ugh… the first merge round rly was the ugliest thing i’ve ever seen and i’m so sorry i couldn’t save you :( youre the funniest person on this cast and i wish we had more time to fuck shit up in this game together. we did premerge tho so i’ll cherish our moments <3″

Josh:

“My Arabia child! I’ve always been a fan of you and after watching you play twice as a host I was so excited to finally play with you! We really had a great thing going and was totally 100% with you but towards the end the relationship kinda took a dive as I’ve met more and talked to people.”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a hedgehog because you're sarcastic, cunning, and individualistic. - Your song: Jumpin' Jumpin' by Destiny's Child”

DREW

Jakey:

“the cat with nine lives!!! even tho we legit met at the merge, i was so loyal to you. you were someone alone in the game and i was on the bottom so hell yeah i wanted us to slay!!!! but unfortunately, YET AGAIN, i was so close to saving you but it fuckin tied and ONCE AGAIN, i was the only one to stick to my word and keep you in the revote. A TREND… that i die for my allies cause YOU DESERVED SOMEONE BEING LOYAL TO YOU IN THIS GAME GKJGJKKJG i love u and that’s that. u slayed this season as an underdog i was shook!”

Josh:

“Whenever we play games like this somehow we always end up not on the same side even if we have a 400~ day streak LOL”

Katie:

“Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh...”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a zebra because you're loyal, intelligent, and committed. - Your song: Dreams by Fleetwood Mac”

PATRICK

Jakey:

“i can’t believe we were able to play this game together for a while and put the past in the past! the premerge was the jakerick fantasy… when you didn’t lie and ignore me </3 hahah but i understand why you chose to play the game you did and i can’t fault you for it!!!! you tried to kill minkowski but i WOULDN’t let u KJFJKFKJ ily pat and i think you’re honestly a kind, caring person with good intentions. not to mention you crack me UP— your sense of humor is truly unique and hilarious and it’s the part i admire the most of u. great game, yet again, pat!”

Josh:

“Pattycakes! I really enjoyed the time we spent together in this game! Working with you from the start was such a pleasure. Thanks for humouring me when I have the nerd itch (can’t wait for the CR animated special! uwu)”

Katie:

“So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a giraffe because you're self-confident, charming, and vainglorious. - Your song: What I Like About You by The Romantics”

KARTER

Jakey:

“you are so sweet!!! we obviously weren’t on the same side of many votes this season. we started separately and you had your loyalties so i knew i wouldn’t ever be a very close ally to you. you played this game very well and i have so much respect for you as a game player! if this was ur first game im VERYYYY impressed i think my first game i would randomize my vote cause i thought it was funny. JKFJKF but anyway whew u were a tough competitor! wish u the best w everything <3″

Josh:

“We may not have spoken that much but the time we spent together i feel like you’re very sweet and you struck me as a person who couldn’t hurt a fly! Your spacesuit in our music video was iconic too!”

Katie:

"I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me!"

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a panda because you're caring, playful, and self-sufficient. - Your song: Groove Is in the Heart by Deee-Lite”

LYDIA

Jakey:

“i wasn’t going to make one for you cause i don’t want anything i say to be seen as a strategic-gain in this game, but i just rly want to say i don’t hate you. i do think you’re a kind person w a good heart and good intentions. we may not always mix in the right way, but i think in real life without the stress of this game, we’d be good friends, and i hope we can work things out after this all!!”

Josh:

“The moment I saw you on the cast list I was so excited and decided then and there that I want to work with you given the chance and I’m so glad we did! I enjoyed our short calls of us panicking and doing wild impulsive stuff. This game is very stressful and part of the reason I managed to hang in there was because you were able to keep me from overthinking too much.“

Katie:

“"Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh, what, am I not allowed to sneeze?"“

Logan: 

“- If you were an animal, you would be an owl because you're intuitive, observant, and skillful. - Your song: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) by Whitney Houston”

RENEE

Jakey:

“imyimyimyimy why’d u leave me!!! my partner-in-crime this whole game!!! i love you renee we clicked INSTANTLY and from there you’ve been my ride o die this whole way. when ppl would say where’s renee??? she’s inactive. i’d be like pls she could show up for 5 minutes per round and still get the votes to save herself. YOU’RE A LEGEND and an underrated queen! if your real life wasn’t so demanding, i know those ocean waves aren’t gonna sail themselves, you’d be in the end! <3 <3 <3 <3“

Josh:

“what happened to our f2?”

Katie:

"Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king God, she f**king dead."

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a tiger because you're elegant, enigmatic, and unpredictable. - Your song: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette”

[secretceremoniials]

1 - 85 xo

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Yes 2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes3. Are you a virgin? No 4. Are you in a relationship? Yes 5. Are you in love? Yeah :) 6. Are you single this year? No 7. Can you commit to one person? Yep8. Describe your crush unreal 😜9. Describe your perfect mate I don't knowww10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope 11. Do you ever want to get married? Not sure 12. Do you forgive betrayal? Clearly not13. Do you get jealous easily? Kinda14. Do you have a crush on anyone? My girlfriend 15. Do you have any piercings? Just my ears16. Do you have any tattoos? 317. Do you like kissing in public? Yeah 20. Do you shower every day? Mostly, I can be lazy 😂21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Yeaaaa22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I hope so 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Nah prob not 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I'm in oneee 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yeah 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Yeah 28. Have you ever been cheated on? Who fucking knowssss 29. Have you ever cheated on someone? Once when I was 1430. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Nope 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Yeah of course32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yep 🙃33. Have you ever had sex with a man? No 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? Yessss35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Nope 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yes 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yeeep40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Hahah yes 41. Have you had sex so far this year? Yep 🙊42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Not very long 😏43. How long was your longest relationship? 2 years 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Umm 8? I think 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012? Jesus I've no idea 46. How many times did you have sex last year? Again I've no idea, I don't count 😂47. How old are you? 2348. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Why are you with me then 😂49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Her smile and her laugh 🙈 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Ah yeah, bygones and all 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yeah52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? A girlfriend I had years ago, coz she was moving away. 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Probably 54. Is there someone you will never forget? Ah of course 55. Share a relationship story. Hmm I can't thinkkkk 56. State 8 facts about your body I've a scar on my face you can barely see, my hair is ridiculously thick, I have tiny feet for my height, I've a giant freckle on my thigh, my middle fingers aren't straight, I have crooked teeth that I hate, my back cracks really loudly a lot, my eyes are blue ? Idk 57. Things you want to say to an ex absolutely nothing 🙂58. What are five ways to win your heart? Food, drink, sense of humour, lil romantic gestures, honesty59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) Awh Jesus effort though60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 10 years 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Hands or eyes 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? LAPDANCE63. What is your definition of “having sex”? being intimate with someone ? (Too tired to think I'm sorry)64. What is your definition of cheating? Anything from texting or talking inappropriately to kissing/sex etc 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? I don't have a favourite really 66. What is your favourite roleplay? Role play freaks me out 67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Honestly I like a few drinks and food v much, I'm pretty simple68. What is your sexual orientation? Gay69. What turns you off? Cockiness 70. What turns you on? 😉71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I never really have wet dreams and when I do they aren't that kinky 72. What words do you like to hear during sex? My name 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Dunno 🙊74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Hm gotta have nice hands75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Threw flowers at me 😜😂76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Not too sure 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? Fine as long as it's not creepily different 78. What’s your dirtiest secret? 😏79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? I'd have to ask Hannah I can't remember 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Today 81. Who are five people you find attractive? I really can't think of five 82. Who is the last person you hugged? My sister Wendy83. Who was your first kiss with? Guy called Chris84. Why did your last relationship fail? Hahaha long story 🙂85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? I have

[madluv]

CHOKE / a jarley fanfiction

Written by Lemily @madluv

NSFW Fluff/Smut

Harley Quinn’s jealous streak gets the better of her and Joker is going to pay!

She was red hot fury. Veins burning with a potent, vile rage, that had her fingers trembling, her heart hammering. She had screamed, cried, smeared her once immaculate make-up, thrown her favourite bottle of perfume and let Bud and Lou feast a frenzy on his extensive collection of footwear. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to wreck havoc on his and her belongings, pent up in the penthouse alone and stewing. She needed to see him – hurt him – just as he had been hurting her.

She didn’t believe it at first. The newspaper article, the photo print, of none other than her puddin’ stirring chaos in the city. And if she hadn’t been admiring him so, she would of missed the most important detail, the thing that had made her blood boil and her jaw clench tight. As beside him stood a woman civilian, red-headed, red-lipped, wrapped up in his free arm, awfully, dreadfully, close to her one and only. And Harley squinted, further studied the photograph, donned her glasses, and had spotted then, how her puddin’s hand was around the wench’s wrist. How they were together admist the carnage. Together. How the snapshot had caught him in the act.

The lyin’ cheatin’ sleazy good fer nothin’ son-of-a-bitch!

Harley tried to tell herself briefly, that it was purely coincidence. That the circumstance must have been different. It was funny if you’d been there – that kinda thing! To save herself the heartache. To try and stop the floods of tears that were prickling behind her searching eyes. It’s not what it looks like, she told herself – not what it looks like MY ASS – and she couldn’t stop her imagination running away, just like J had clearly been doin’ with his HUSSY, parading around the town as they would do. Probably having taken his new squeeze to their local haunts too, kissing under neon lights, just like their kiss, arm in arm, once upon a dream. And captured in the lens, it was undeniable evidence! Not dissimilar to the many clippings that donned the wall of their bedroom. Harley’s loving memoirs. HA HA HA. She seethed.

A few hours had been spent solely dedicated to tearing up said bedroom, since he was absent and she couldn’t tear at his STUPID FACE. She’d screamed and screeched and sobbed so hard that it had pained her. Her chest splitting and heaving with anger and grief. She’d thrown herself onto their bed, only to throw herself back off again, and had fought with the sheets like a rabid animal, in the throes of her despair she had decided, there was no better time for revenge.

She couldn’t let another minute pass by, leaving him to think and gloat on how he’d fooled her. Harley was no idiot, and she was going to prove to J just how quickly she’d caught him at his little game. And so, clad in nothing but a thin nightdress, mascara running, tiny heels, she took his favourite car and sped recklessly, dangerously, stupidly to his bar, accompanied by a small ball-hammer placed delicately upon the incriminating newspaper in the passenger seat.

Harley parked (horrifically) with no care in the world of who or what she damaged, bumping three other vehicles and scoffing at the sound of paint peeling under pressure. She inched the car crunch-crunch-CRUNCHING into it’s space. J loved that car. She loved J. Fortunately cars were much easier to fix than broken, battered hearts. And soon to be broken, battered bodies. She got out, SHATTERING the windscreen with one grand and gratitious SWING! Laughing through hysterical tears, Harley stormed towards the back door of his club. Her heart bled, and his would too before the night was done.

The doorman, dressed like a clown, looked less of a fool than she was feeling. And she glared at the goon from behind watery eyelashes, demanding simply, “where is he?” Her tone was low, and with a fist around the handle of her hammer, had him stammering.

“Ahh – hey Quinn, you know – Jay don’t want no visitors tonight –"  his gloved hands were up in surrender to the scorned woman at his station.

“Why, is he fuckin’ her?”

The clown’s brows raised high at the question, the facepaint couldn’t hide the confusion. But Harley didn’t need clarification. He was fuckin’ her. Just as they would do in the private intimacy of his office, when the simple order would circulate: Do not disturb.

“He is fuckin’ her ain’t he?”

“Woah – what? Look, Quinn, no offence to ya’ really, you know we love ya’, but this ain’t the first time you’ve come knockin’ with questions like this. This is Jay we are talkin’ about here–”

What was his point? Yeah it was J she was talking about. Who else other than the cheatin’ back-stabbin’–

“Look, Harley, I’ll do you a favour and let you inside, but you can’t tell the boss that I did.”

So, Harley’s most beloved was screwin’ around on work time (quite literally!) couldn’t this clown see she had more pressing problems to deal with, than his career concerns? “It’ll be our little secret,” she told him, barging through.

The thrumming of loud, steady music, the murmer of the punters, dancers, criminals and celebrities alike, ebbed through the brickwork and through to the back. Harley weaved through the narrow corridors, manned by all manner of lackeys, recieving nods of recognition and respect. This was, after all, just as much her place now, as his. They’d been together long enough that every door, every meeting, every nook, every cranny of Joker’s nightclub was open and accessible to none other than the notorious Harley Quinn. It was their empire. No secrets. Or so he’d said. FUNNY GUY. Real funny.

Though anger spurred her onward to his office on the third floor, a feeling of utmost dread weighed heavy in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t prepared for the scene she was conjuring, and it bought with it more tears, more pain. So much pain! If the scarlet harlot was in there, with him, legs at his hips and back pressed against the desk – there would be a crimson crescendo before Harley was done.

She booted the door, one bold, brave move. Her breath hitched, crying, cringing, tensing for the moment her heart would be torn wide open. Her hammer poised to strike rested at her cheek and Harley charged into his office in one rapid movement, a manical mess spilling forth.

What Harley saw then, shocked her more than all of her impure imaginings. The Joker, her Mister J, the light and love of her life, sat, alone and contemplative. And he smiled at her, gladly, despite her unexpected entrance. A single brow raised as he noted her attire (or lack thereof) and cocked his head curiously at the weapon she was wielding.

“Harley, baby!”

He went to stand, arms wide and beckoning but Harley ignored him, bewildered, eyes darting the room, desperately seeking what she had been certain to find. Where was he keeping his floozy? Had the men given him time to usher her into a hidin’? Had he been warned? Prepared? Were there accomplices in this bitter and twisted betrayal?

“Looking for something?” Joker asked, and watched as she pulled open his wardrobe, tugging each and every suit jacket off of it’s hanger and onto the floor. “Baby?”

“I’m lookin’ for her!” She snapped, turning to shove the newspaper clipping into his face – “where are you hidin’ her huh? You think I wouldn’t find out?” Harley’s breath was ragged and she shook with fury as he surveyed the article, squinting at the image therein.

J sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “not this again –”

“Well?” she wanted an answer, or would find it herself! And took to pulling out the contents of his glass cabinets, knocking down vintage drinks and shattering tumblers. She began to work around him at his desk, unsheathing every drawer and emptying every last sheet of paper, every pen, every paperweight.

“Who do you think I’m hiding Harls, Tinkerbell?” He barked a laugh, but she could tell from his tone he wasn’t amused. Funnily enough – neither was she.

Harley turned her warpath onto him – THIS AIN’T THE TIME FOR JOKES – and threw her hammer onto his desk, freeing her hands up to grapple at his throat. She took J by surprise and pinned him instantly, easily, pressing hard upon his adam’s apple.

“Harls –” he choked, “sweetness, it’s not– what you think!”

“Sure, it ain’t Mister J!”

“I don’t know – who she is!” His voice was high and cracking under the tightness of her grip. “Honestly – I was just – gonna kill her.” It sounded like something J would say, it sounded a lot like somethin’ he’d do too.

“Gonna?!” Harley searched his humoured features, even with her crushing his windpipe, he still smiled for her. “Is that before or after ya’ decided to fuck?”

He blinked. “What? No – I didn’t get to kill her – cause of – cause of the Batman.” He gave a limp (g a s p ing) shrug.

Funny. She had wanted to question his swollen lip and busted brow, and the purple, yellow hues that clouded around his bloodshot eyes. Her hold on him eased slightly, and her temper faltered.

“C'mon Harley, you know – I’ve only got eyes for you!”

How many times had she heard him say those words? And yet, every time, her heart skipped a beat. It skipped a beat now, no matter her anger, her hurt or embarrassment. She sniffled, and drew away from him. “Y–you really mean it?”

He ran a hand through the tangled matt of her hair, wiping a fallen tear with the soft pad of his thumb. “Harley, Harley, Harley,” he tutted, “what am I gonna do with you?” He spoke with a soft endearment no matter her behaviour. He seemed to have some idea on what to do, however, planting a firm kiss upon her cracked lips.

She melted, despite herself, despite all her doubts and displeasures. Harley could not resist his gentle eyes and gentle touch. When he was with her, like this, in a way he was with no one else, she could not fight her endless and insatiable love for him. Anything goes.

Harley’s wrath turned to wanting, and she flung herself into his arms, reciprocating his kiss with a fiery hunger. She was already fumbling with the buttons of his shirt, and he, his belt. Hell, maybe he could fuck the mania out of her. And could keep on, keep on, trying.

Neither of them bothered to get undressed, Harley’s nightgown ridden up to her belly, as J swung her around and onto the desk, a cold hand pressed against the liquid flesh between her thighs. She gasped, giggled, and guided his palm against her pussy. She twitched, involuntary, as he slipped away two fingers and she rode against the curve of his wrist, having known, enjoyed always, the uncomplicated manner of their love-making.

His lips were at her ear, at her neck, and sent tingling pleasure to the tips of her toes, and she turned her head aside to give him more skin to traverse. He took a nipple in his mouth and shocked her with a sharp nip of his teeth. Harley thighs tensed, and she pulled him closer with the wrap of her legs. And he left small, peppered apologetic kisses all along her throat.

His fingers curved inside of her, a slow and deliberate motion, both frustrating and fulfilling, as she teetered on nearness of an orgasm. But it didn’t come, she didn’t cum – and she grinded harder, pressing on his hand with her own and eager to reach that level of ecstasy. PLEASE –

J removed his hand then, to fuck her instead with his cock. The sudden change of rhythm, sensation, fulfillness, sent her reeling from her first climax. She took a fistful of his hair and tugging. And he winced, but he did not stop, hooking one of her legs up and over his shoulder. Harley gasped against his open mouth, urging him to kiss her as deep as he was fucking her. Please just love me.

His hands were careful with her, compliant, calm. Cupping her face and kissing with a practiced tenderness. Harley, however, was fervent beneath him, clawing at his shoulders, she savoured every slightest touch.

When he was mad, he fucked like a madman, left bruises and marks in his wake, but when he was placid, he fucked with a deliberate, conscious care that was far more torturous, more delightful, more dangerous. And he refused to quicken his pace, or match hers, no matter how much she squirmed and rocked against him. He drew her pleasure out and out, until she were about to explode. That her pussy would ache with want even though it had got. That she would ride on the edge of climax after climax, until the extent of her pleasure turned into delirium, and all her thoughts were of fucking, of how good it felt, and how it was never going to end.

She just wanted him to choke her, slap her, do somethin’ to wake her up from her haze of endless indulgence. And her body was shaken, shaking, from a countless string of orgasms. He muttered quiet nothings against her chest though she was too far gone to hear them. And Harley moaned in her many defeats beneath him.

His breath was ragged, rough, hot air against sore cheeks. His mouth lingered over hers, rewarding each of her long and lingering kisses with tiny pecks of his own. She was driven mad by the sparing contact, that only her pussy was being plowed, forcing her wave after wave, despite exhaustion, the agony, to cum.

Her thighs were slick with her own juices, and she clung to J as though her life depended on it. She wanted to stop – not to stop – to keep goin’ – for him to let her go – her back arched and she pulled him inward, felt his cock nudge the tender hilt of her cervix. Fuck.

With her free leg, Harley trapped him, tight as she could against her hips, so that each thrust, deep or shallow, hit the same sweet spot that had her pussy soaking. She desperately wanted him to kiss her further, flick a breast with his tongue, or suck on her neck but he deliberately ignored each and every one of her erogenous places, except for her neck, and obviously her pussy, and a thumb gently teased from her clit, another painful (perfect) orgasm. She groaned for him to cum – PLEASE – she couldn’t go on.

He fucked Harley harder, nudging her once to keep her from slipping away and into a state of total sensory overload. But she couldn’t keep focus – another orgasm had her lower body rigid – and it hurt, so good, she cried out for him, her voice cracking.

She wasn’t conscious when he came, and her limbs were limp and useless. Though J kissed her into rousing and helped to get her cleaned down and coherent. They both drank deep from a bottle of Jack, the only bottle she hadn’t yet smashed. And luckily, since her thirst was immense after their intense bout of sex.

“You’re the only one for me,” he hushed against her hair, and after some time for decompression and many a softly spoken reassurances, J sent her on her merry way again. Face flushed and vibrant having had the fury fucked out of her system.

And a month passed by, another honeymoon period, after another, after another. And Harley sat, clacking away at her keyboard, browsing the internet, online shopping, and quickly reading the news – just in case she’d got a mention or two – and there, illuminated on the screen of Gotham City Network, was another photo of her Mister J, suited and booted, with a gun pointed to an older woman outside a large and lavish jewellery store, a dashing smile etched across his face. And Harley pondered, for a moment, the image infront of her. And had to stop, think, and quell her instant jealousy. This time she knew – just knew it was harmless. But was there also any harm in making sure of that? She turned to the ball-hammer on her left, and his office keys beside them, pressed print on the article and prepared for another round.