#but u still have wholesome and angsty moments

[rikiconne]

y'all won't believe it. i finally finished heeseung's fic

actually feeling so giggly rn. buzzing with excitement even

now to finish riki's fic 🫡 and HOPEFULLY (fingers crossed) start working on a few ideas i've had in my notes

If you can tell, i really like childhood friends/friends to lovers fics (my comfort honestly)

someone convince me to finish these (both have been in my docs unfinished for so long 😭)

(both titles are probably not gonna stay the same? idk i like riki's title, but i have a diff idea for hee)

(edit: guys i just realized i typed riki's title wrong. ig this is what i get for posting half awake)

[goldfades]

LOVE IS THE ONE THING THAT CANNOT BE TAINTED BY FEAR OR DOUBT──FATHER CHARLIE MAYHEW

part two!!!

for this request!!

─ summary | you and father charlie share a bond that goes beyond the confines of your church duties, with your public image as a nurturing servant masking the frustration and resentment you harbor privately. when nun megan grows suspicious and begins spying, she uncovers the intimate, vulnerable side of your relationship, catching a moment where emotions boil over into something more forbidden

─ pairing | father charlie mayhew x fem!mother!reader

─ word count | 6k

─ warnings | few kisses, kinda angsty, pretty wholesome though, nun megan being nosy AF, mentions/descriptions of being longing to be a mother + have a family, forbidden love, ends on a cliff hanger (part 2 coming soon, i just couldn't fit everything in one part)

─ ev's notes | my requests are open if you wanna send anything in! (please do btw i'm obsessed w nicholas LMAO). again this turned out very wordy and self-indulgent, my apologies

ok love u bye!!! pls send me requests!!!!!!

⇨ missing out on updates? check out my masterlist!

The faint scent of incense lingers in the air, the wisps of smoke curling upward toward the stained glass windows, where muted beams of light filter through, casting the nave in shades of gold and crimson. The church is quiet now, save for the soft rustle of robes and the shuffling feet of the last parishioners as they take their leave. You remain rooted to your spot at the front, hands clasped in front of you, your gaze lowered in practiced reverence.

You’ve spent years perfecting this image—a serene, dutiful figure in service to the church. The warmth you offer is genuine, but it's also an armor, a shield from the world beyond the altar. You can feel their eyes on you as they depart, expecting grace, expecting humility, expecting nothing more than what you’ve always given them.

But beneath the surface, you can feel the stirrings of something else. The long hours, the endless work, the weight of expectations—it grinds against you, slowly wearing away at the image you’ve created. And no one sees it. No one, except him.

Father Charlie stands beside the altar, his back turned to you as he speaks to one of the deacons, his voice low and calming, as it always is. There’s something about him—something steady, something real—that draws you to him. He’s the only one who understands the pressures you both face, the only one who sees through the veneer you maintain for the sake of the church.

As the last of the congregation filters out, a wave of relief washes over you. The doors close with a soft echo, leaving the two of you in the lingering quiet of the empty church. You allow yourself to breathe, to let go of the tightness in your chest. It’s only in moments like these, when the others have gone, that you can finally be yourself—unburdened by the expectations of the flock, free from the eyes of those who can never truly understand.

But you sense it, don’t you? That something else is watching, something creeping at the edges of this sanctuary, waiting for you to slip.

You feel a prickle of awareness, an instinct, perhaps, that you’re not as alone as you think. But you push it aside, telling yourself it’s nothing—just the remnants of the day clinging to your thoughts. After all, in the safety of the church, what could possibly be wrong?

You step forward, closer to Father Charlie, your voice dropping to a murmur. “They never stop looking, do they?”

He turns toward you, and there’s a softness in his expression—something that tells you he’s been thinking the same thing. “No,” he says quietly, “they never do.”

You exchange a glance with Father Charlie, a silent acknowledgment passing between you. He sees the cracks in your facade, the weight you carry, but you don’t speak of it yet. Instead, you let the stillness of the church settle over you like a heavy cloak.

From the corner of your eye, you notice a figure lingering near the back of the nave, her sharp eyes scanning the room with a quiet intensity. Nun Megan.

She’s always watching, isn’t she? Always hovering on the fringes, her gaze lingering just a second too long whenever you’re near Father Charlie. At first, you thought it was nothing—just her usual vigilance. But lately, you’ve felt her eyes more than ever, probing, curious. She’s never said anything outright, but the suspicion is there, woven into every glance, every pause when the two of you are together.

Today is no different.

She lingers by the back pew, her hands folded in front of her, eyes flicking between you and Father Charlie, as though waiting for something, anything, to confirm what she already suspects. You can feel the weight of her judgment, subtle but ever-present, like a shadow you can’t shake.

Father Charlie hasn’t noticed her yet, his focus still on you as he speaks softly, a reassuring tone to his words. “You know we can’t let this consume us. What we do here… it’s bigger than us.”

His words are meant to calm you, to pull you back from the edge of frustration, but your thoughts are already racing. You glance toward Nun Megan again, just in time to see her quickly avert her gaze, pretending to adjust a candle on the altar. She’s watching—of course, she’s watching.

You wonder if she’s been watching longer than you realize.

“I know,” you say, your voice low. But the bitterness creeps in, twisting your words. “But sometimes I think we’re expected to be more than human. How long are we supposed to pretend we don’t feel anything?”

Charlie’s eyes soften, but before he can respond, you see him glance over your shoulder—finally catching sight of Nun Megan. The tension in the room shifts, subtle but palpable. He straightens, his face smoothing into the calm, composed expression he wears so well. “Sister Megan,” he calls out, his voice gentle but pointed.

She steps forward, her smile small and tight, her eyes darting between you both. “Father Charlie,” she says softly, inclining her head in a show of respect. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I was just… making sure everything was in order.”

Her words hang in the air, innocuous enough on the surface, but there’s something else there, hidden beneath her polite tone. You can see it in her eyes—the doubt, the questions she doesn’t dare ask.

Not yet, anyway.

Father Charlie offers her a kind smile, though you can tell he senses it too. “Everything’s fine, Sister,” he says. “We were just finishing up.”

But even as she nods and steps back, you know this won’t be the last time. She’ll keep watching, waiting for the moment when your guard slips. And when it does, she’ll be ready.

As Nun Megan retreats to the back of the church, your pulse quickens. You’ve held your composure for now, but the unease gnaws at you. The walls feel tighter, the air more stifling. She’s already too close, and it’s only a matter of time before she sees more than you want her to.

Father Charlie steps closer, his voice barely above a whisper. “We have to be careful.”

You nod, but inside, you know it’s already too late. Megan’s already seen enough to suspect—and suspicion, in a place like this, is dangerous.

───

You lay on Charlie's bare chest, still breathless from the earlier exertion. The warmth of his skin radiates beneath your cheek, your fingers tracing lazy patterns along the scars and soft ridges of his chest. The room is quiet, save for the steady rise and fall of his breathing, the muted sound of your heartbeats thrumming together in the aftermath of what you’ve just shared. The intimacy of the moment feels stolen—like something you shouldn't have, but neither of you can resist.

You close your eyes for a moment, letting yourself sink into the softness of him, the way he smells of incense and something darker, something distinctly him. This is the one place where the world falls away, where the weight of your roles within the church, the expectations, the endless eyes watching your every move—they don't matter here. In these stolen moments, you’re not the pious Mother superior they expect you to be, and Charlie is not the solemn priest. Here, in the seclusion of your shared quarters, you are simply you and him.

He lets out a quiet sigh, his fingers brushing through your hair as if to anchor you to him, to the present. You shift slightly, lifting your head just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes are softer now, the usual veil of composure lowered, revealing the tenderness he reserves only for you. There’s a question in his gaze, though, something unspoken yet palpable, like a prayer hanging in the air between you both.

“Do you think she suspects?” you ask quietly, your voice barely above a whisper, as though even here, in this hidden sanctuary, you’re afraid to speak too loudly.

Charlie’s hand stills for a moment in your hair, and he hesitates before answering. “She watches,” he says softly, his tone measured but tinged with a hint of unease. “Megan always watches.”

You bite your lip, trying to push away the knot of anxiety tightening in your chest. Nun Megan’s eyes have been everywhere lately, her presence lingering in corners, her footsteps echoing in halls where no one should be. You can feel her judgment even when she’s not there, like a shadow creeping just behind you.

“What if she knows?” you ask, your voice shaking slightly. “What if she’s already seen too much?”

Charlie’s hand cups your cheek, drawing your gaze back to his. “We’ve been careful,” he reassures you, his voice steady and soothing. “But even if she suspects, we won’t let her tear us apart. Not here. Not now.”

His words should comfort you, but they don’t. There’s too much at stake—too many risks. And yet, despite everything, you can’t pull away. The bond between you both is too deep, too powerful to sever. You close your eyes again, letting the quiet blanket you both, willing the worries to dissolve into the stillness.

But somewhere beyond the walls of this sanctuary, you know Nun Megan is watching. Waiting. And it’s only a matter of time before the veil of secrecy slips, and the forbidden truth of what you share is laid bare.

The silence between you and Father Charlie feels heavier now, like the air has thickened with all the unspoken words and the knowledge that your time together might soon be fractured by someone else’s gaze. You shift your body, propping yourself up slightly on his chest so you can look at him fully.

His brow is furrowed, but he wears the same soft expression he always does when he's with you, the kind that calms your nerves even when the weight of the world presses in on you. You reach out and gently brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead, your fingers lingering for a moment longer than necessary.

"You can’t be the one to carry all the worry," he murmurs, his voice deep and soothing, laced with that unwavering faith that you’ve come to rely on. He places his hand over yours, his thumb tracing circles against your knuckles. “I can see it in your eyes—you’ve been holding too much inside.”

You want to deny it, to say that you’re strong enough, that you can bear whatever comes next, but you know he’s right. There’s too much weighing you down—too many people to answer to, too many demands, and far too many secrets.

“I’m scared,” you admit quietly, the words slipping from your lips before you can stop them. “Not just of Megan… but of what happens if we get caught. What they’ll do to us. What they’ll do to you.” You lower your gaze, the vulnerability of the confession hanging between you like a leaden weight.

Charlie exhales softly, his hand moving to your jaw, tilting your chin up so that your eyes meet his again. There’s something fierce in his gaze now, an intensity that reassures you despite the uncertainty swirling around you both.

“Whatever happens,” he says, his voice firm, “we’ll face it together. They can’t take that away from us.”

“What if it’s not enough?” you ask, your voice barely a whisper. “What if this… this thing we share, this love—what if it’s not enough to save us?”

The church is supposed to be a sanctuary, a place of peace and solace, but lately, it’s felt more like a prison. You can sense the walls closing in, the tension rising between the expectation of holiness and the very human desires you’ve tried so hard to suppress.

Charlie shakes his head slowly, his gaze never leaving yours. “It is enough,” he insists. “Love is the one thing that can’t be tainted by fear or doubt. What we have—it’s sacred in its own way. Even if the church sees it differently.”

For a moment, you let yourself believe him. His words wrap around you like a protective shroud, and in this space—this room, away from the watchful eyes of the others—it’s easy to imagine that maybe, just maybe, he’s right. That what you have can survive the scrutiny, the judgment, and the dangers that loom just outside these walls.

But as much as you want to cling to that hope, the doubt is still there, lurking at the edges of your thoughts.

You don’t say anything else, instead letting your head fall back against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath you. The sound is calming, a tether to the present, to this moment you share together.

But somewhere in the back of your mind, you can’t shake the feeling that time is running out. That soon, Nun Megan will step beyond suspicion and into certainty, and when she does, the fragile world you’ve built with Charlie will come crashing down.

Outside, the wind howls against the old stone walls of the church, a reminder of the world waiting for you beyond this small sanctuary. But for now, for this brief and precious moment, it’s just you and him—together, against whatever comes next.

───

The sun hangs high in the clear afternoon sky, casting a golden light over the open field where the annual church picnic is in full swing. Children run through the grass, their laughter ringing out like tiny bells carried on the breeze, while the adults gather around tables laden with food, exchanging pleasantries and stories. You stand near the edge of the field, watching as a group of children pulls you into their game of tag, their faces lit up with joy and mischief.

You can’t help but laugh, your heart light as you chase after them, the stress and fear that have weighed on you for so long melting away, if only for a moment. The children's energy is infectious, their innocence a brief but welcome reprieve from the gravity of the world you usually inhabit. They dart around you, giggling and shrieking with excitement as they narrowly avoid your grasp, their small hands brushing against yours in passing.

You catch a young girl in your arms, swinging her around in a playful twirl before setting her down. Her laughter is so pure, so unburdened by the weight of the world, and it stirs something inside you—a long-forgotten lightness that you’ve almost forgotten was there.

From across the field, Father Charlie watches you, his eyes softening as they follow your movements. You are radiant in this moment, free from the burden of secrets and suspicion, your face bright with genuine joy as you interact with the children. His heart swells at the sight, an unfamiliar warmth spreading through his chest.

He has always admired your strength—the way you carry so much, how you stand tall even when the weight of your responsibilities threatens to break you. But here, now, seeing you like this, surrounded by children, laughing freely, Charlie feels something different. Something deeper.

It's more than just admiration. It’s a longing, a quiet ache for something more than the life he’s chosen. Watching you with the children sparks a warmth inside him he hadn’t known he could still feel, a yearning for a different kind of closeness. One that he knows is forbidden, yet he can’t help but dream about.

You twirl around with another child, your smile wide as they tumble into your arms. For a brief second, you catch Charlie’s gaze from across the field, and your eyes meet. There’s something in his look that makes your breath catch—a tenderness, a softness that you’ve rarely seen outside the privacy of your hidden moments together. His lips curl into a small, almost shy smile, as though he’s caught himself staring but can’t quite tear his gaze away.

For a moment, it feels as if the rest of the world fades away. The laughter of the children, the hum of conversations, even the sounds of nature—all of it dulls into the background as you stand there, frozen in that quiet exchange with Charlie.

It’s a connection you feel deep in your chest, one that’s always been there, simmering beneath the surface, but is now rising to the forefront, too powerful to ignore.

The children pull you back into the game, and the moment is broken, but the warmth of Charlie’s gaze lingers with you. As you chase after the little ones again, you feel a blush creep up your neck, knowing that even here, in the open, with the church congregation all around, there’s something between you that no one else can touch.

Charlie tears his eyes away, his heart still beating a little faster than before. He forces himself to join in the casual conversations around him, but his thoughts remain with you, and that moment. He’s always been good at keeping his emotions at bay, keeping his desires hidden beneath the layers of duty and faith. But now, watching you like this, he feels those walls crumbling, just a little.

And for the first time in a long while, he allows himself to wonder: What would it be like to have this warmth—to hold onto it, to let it fill the hollow spaces inside him? What would it be like if the life he’d chosen wasn’t a barrier but something that could coexist with the connection he feels with you?

He shakes his head, trying to push the thoughts away. But they cling to him, persistent, like the warmth in his chest that refuses to fade.

As the afternoon wears on, and the children slowly tire out, you make your way back toward the picnic tables where the rest of the congregation was. Your cheeks flushed with exertion, your hair slightly wind-tossed, and you catch Charlie watching you again, and this time, there’s something in his gaze that makes your heart flutter—a promise, perhaps, or a confession yet to be spoken. Charlie begins making his way over to you, a warm smile on his lips.

One of the little girls run up to you once again, practically tumbling into your arms. You giggle, grabbing her waist and pulling her into your lap.

"Mother Y/N, have you ever wanted children?" she asks.

Her question catches you off guard. The little girl's innocent eyes peer up at you, wide and curious, and for a moment, you’re unsure how to respond. You feel Charlie’s presence nearby, his footsteps slowing as he hears the question, and your heart skips a beat.

You smooth the girl's hair back gently, buying yourself a second to gather your thoughts. Children… it’s not something you’ve allowed yourself to think about much, not with the path you've chosen. Being a mother in the literal sense feels like an impossible dream—something meant for another life, another version of you.

Still, the warmth of the child in your lap, her trust and affection, tugs at something deep inside you.

You smile softly, running your fingers through her hair. “I suppose I have,” you admit, your voice gentle. “There was a time when I thought I might have a family of my own one day. But now... I think my place is here, taking care of all of you.”

The little girl tilts her head, a frown crossing her face as she processes your words. “But wouldn’t you like to be a real mama?” she asks, her small hands gripping your arm as if to anchor you to the moment, to the question.

Before you can answer, you feel a presence behind you—Charlie has arrived. He crouches down beside you, his hand brushing your shoulder in a gesture so natural, so easy, that it almost makes your heart ache.

“The way you care for everyone here,” he says softly, his voice warm and filled with admiration, “I think you’re already a mother to so many.”

You glance up at him, your eyes meeting his, and there’s something in his gaze—something gentle and understanding, but also deeper, more personal. His words resonate in a way that goes beyond the roles you’ve both taken on within the church. For a moment, you allow yourself to imagine it—what it would be like if things were different, if you and Charlie could have a life beyond the confines of the walls you’ve built around yourselves.

The girl beams, nodding in agreement. “See? You’re like a mama to us already,” she declares, then wraps her small arms around your neck in a tight hug before hopping off your lap and running back toward the other children, her energy renewed.

You watch her go, your heart swelling with a mixture of emotions. When you turn back to Charlie, he’s still crouched beside you, his expression softened by something you can’t quite put into words.

“You handled that well,” he says quietly, his smile reaching his eyes.

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “I don’t think I was prepared for that kind of question, if I'm being honest.”

He chuckles too, and for a brief moment, the world feels lighter, the weight of everything you’ve been holding inside lifted by the simple connection between you two.

But as the children’s laughter echoes around you and the other parishioners continue with their picnic, you feel the weight of reality creeping back in. This quiet moment with Charlie—this glimpse of what could be—feels like a fleeting dream. You know the path you’ve both chosen is far more complicated than that. Yet, as you stand together in the warm afternoon sun, you allow yourself to linger in this feeling for just a little while longer.

Charlie’s hand brushes against yours, lingering for just a moment, and you know that whatever happens next, whatever challenges come your way, you won’t be facing them alone.

───

The last light of day has faded, leaving the courtyard steeped in a deep, quiet twilight. You stand by the fountain, your fingers tracing the cold, rough surface of the stone. You try to breathe deeply, but frustration gnaws at your insides. On the outside, you wear the same mask you always do—calm, nurturing, and devout. But inside, there’s an ever-present storm, growing louder by the day.

Your thoughts drift back to Father Charlie, to the comfort he offered earlier. His words felt like a balm on your wounds, but they didn’t erase the resentment. The weight of expectations presses on your shoulders—constant demands, endless servitude, all while suppressing the truth of who you are.

Your gaze flickers toward the chapel, half-hoping to see him stepping into the courtyard. But the figure that emerges from the shadows isn’t him.

Nun Megan.

Her steps are silent but deliberate, and her eyes are as sharp as ever. You’ve noticed her watching lately—her gaze lingering on you and Father Charlie, suspicion glinting in her eyes.

“Out late again, I see,” she says, her voice carrying a quiet accusation. She stops a few feet away, her gaze fixed on you, unblinking. “You’ve been spending a great deal of time in Father Charlie’s company.”

You stiffen at her words, but force yourself to remain composed. You know how to wear the mask—how to keep the perfect image intact. “I seek guidance, Sister Megan,” you reply, your voice measured. “Father Charlie offers wisdom.”

Her lips press into a thin line, her expression hard. “Guidance, is it?” There’s no mistaking the suspicion in her voice now. “We all seek guidance, but you’ve been… close.”

The accusation hangs in the air between you, cold and heavy. You feel a flash of anger rise within you, but you suppress it, keeping your voice even. “We are all called to be close to God. To each other, Sister.”

Megan steps closer, her eyes narrowing. “Perhaps. But eyes are everywhere. You should be careful. It’s my duty to protect the sanctity of this place.” Her words are a thinly veiled threat, warning you that she’s watching.

Before you can respond, a voice cuts through the tension.

“Sister Megan.”

You turn at the sound of Father Charlie’s voice, relief washing over you as he steps into the courtyard. His presence brings with it a sense of calm, as if the storm threatening to engulf you has momentarily eased. His gaze flicks between you and Megan, though when his eyes land on you, they soften.

“Is there a problem?” he asks, his tone neutral, but his eyes hold a silent reassurance.

Megan stands a little straighter under his scrutiny. She hesitates, clearly uncomfortable with challenging him, but her suspicion remains. “No, Father,” she says finally. “I was simply offering our sister here a reminder of her vows. It’s important we maintain propriety.”

Father Charlie’s expression doesn’t change. “Of course, Sister. We all must uphold our vows. You may return to your duties.”

There’s a pause, and for a moment, you think Megan might push further. But then she inclines her head and turns away, her steps sharp and purposeful as she leaves the courtyard. The weight of her presence lingers, like a shadow refusing to lift.

As soon as she’s gone, you exhale, tension slipping from your shoulders. Father Charlie steps closer to you, his voice low and steady. “She grows more suspicious.”

You nod, swallowing against the knot in your throat. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. The mask you’ve worn for so long feels suffocating now, the weight of expectations unbearable.

Father Charlie’s expression softens, and when he reaches out, his fingers lightly brush your arm. “You’re not alone,” he says, his voice filled with warmth. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”

His touch sends a spark through you, and for a moment, the weight of your burdens eases. But as you stand there, alone in the darkness with him, you know that the road ahead will only grow more difficult. Still, with him beside you, it feels less daunting.

You stay silent for a long moment, standing there with Father Charlie. His presence should be enough to calm you, but the weight of your thoughts has become unbearable, pressing down harder than ever before.

“I never wanted this life,” you finally whisper, eyes fixed on the fountain’s surface, the soft ripple of water reflecting the sky. “When I was a little girl, I dreamed of something else.”

Charlie says nothing, letting you speak, his silence a kind of permission.

You take a breath, the memories flooding back. “I used to imagine myself far away from here—away from society, the rules, the eyes always watching. I dreamed of having a family, children running through an open field, laughter filling the air. I wanted to be a mother,” your voice wavers slightly, “to nurture my own, not just serve others.”

The words feel strange as they leave your mouth, like a confession you’ve never dared to speak aloud. Even though you’ve lived in service, dedicating yourself to this life, there’s always been a gnawing ache inside you for something more—something that belonged solely to you.

“I imagined a small cottage,” you continue, your voice growing softer, “with a garden, flowers blooming. Somewhere far from this place, where no one could judge me, where I could be free. I wanted to love, to build a life that was mine.”

Father Charlie shifts closer, his hand lightly brushing against yours, offering silent support.

“But instead… I ended up here.” The words hang in the air, heavy with regret. “I thought I was doing the right thing, choosing this path. I thought it would bring me peace. But it didn’t. It feels like every day, I’m giving up more of myself—burying my real desires so deep I hardly recognize them anymore.”

Your throat tightens as a tear escapes, sliding down your cheek. The picnic earlier flickers in your mind, how for a brief moment, you allowed yourself to feel happiness. Real happiness. Sitting under the sun with him, laughing, letting your guard down—it had stirred something in you, something real and raw, a glimpse of the life you had always wanted.

“That picnic…” you murmur, your voice thick with emotion. “For the first time in so long, I felt alive. I didn’t feel like the person everyone expects me to be. I felt like… me.”

Father Charlie’s gaze softens, and he doesn’t pull away when you step closer, his presence like a steadying force. “It’s not wrong to want more,” he says gently. “You deserve to feel whole.”

“I don’t know if I can,” you confess, your voice trembling. “I’ve given up so much already. What’s left of me?”

He lifts your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes, and in them, you see the same conflict, the same struggle that mirrors your own. “There’s still time,” he says, his words a quiet promise. “There’s still time to find yourself.”

Tears spill freely now, and before you can stop yourself, you collapse into his arms, seeking solace in the warmth of his embrace. For a moment, the walls around your heart crumble, and you let yourself feel the ache of all you’ve lost—the life you could have had, the dreams that seem so distant now.

“I wanted a family,” you whisper into his shoulder, your voice breaking. “I wanted to be a mother, to love, to be loved. But instead…”

He tightens his arms around you, his voice barely above a whisper. “You are loved. In ways you may not see yet.”

Father Charlie holds you close, his arms steady around you as your tears soak into his robe. The dam has broken, and there’s no holding back the flood of emotions anymore. You cling to him like he’s the only solid thing in a world that’s crumbling beneath your feet, each sob rising from a place so deep it scares you.

“I thought… I thought if I buried those dreams long enough, they’d go away,” you murmur into his shoulder. “But they haven’t. They’ve only grown louder. I see families, mothers with their children, and it’s like a knife in my heart. I want that—so much it hurts.”

You pull back just enough to look up at him, eyes searching his face for understanding. His brow furrows, concern etched into every line. “I feel trapped here,” you continue, voice cracking. “I’ve spent my life giving and giving, but no matter how much I give, I can’t find peace. All I ever wanted was a simple life, with love. But instead, I’m… this.”

Father Charlie’s hand comes up to cradle the side of your face, his thumb gently brushing away a tear. “You’re not alone in this,” he says, his voice soft but resolute. “I see your struggle, and I feel it too. Every day I ask myself if I made the right choice. If this is what my life was meant to be.”

The vulnerability in his words makes your breath hitch. You’ve never heard him speak like this before, never knew he had the same doubts gnawing at him. It’s both terrifying and comforting at once—knowing that even someone like him, someone who always seems so sure, is just as lost as you are.

“I don’t know how to keep pretending,” you admit, your voice a fragile whisper. “That picnic, earlier today… it felt like a glimpse of the life I could’ve had. And for just a moment, I was happy. Truly happy. But then it all came crashing back—the guilt, the expectations. The life I chose. It feels like a prison.”

Father Charlie’s thumb pauses on your cheek, and he lets out a slow breath. “I understand,” he says quietly. “More than you know.”

The air between you feels heavy, thick with unspoken truths and shared pain. There’s something unspoken in his gaze, a longing that mirrors your own, and for a brief moment, you wonder if he’s wrestling with the same thoughts—if his dreams have also been sacrificed for a life he’s no longer certain of.

“I never thought…,” you begin, but the words catch in your throat. “I never thought I’d feel this way, here of all places.”

His hand slips from your cheek to your shoulder, his touch warm and grounding. “Feelings are complicated,” he says softly, his eyes never leaving yours. “Sometimes, we think we’ve made peace with our choices, but deep down, our hearts tell a different story.”

A silence stretches between you, heavy but not uncomfortable. There’s something raw and honest about this moment, like the two of you are finally shedding the masks you’ve been wearing for so long.

“I don’t know what to do,” you admit, voice barely audible. “I feel so lost.”

Father Charlie’s gaze softens, and he leans in just slightly, his face close. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now,” he murmurs. “But you don’t have to face this alone.”

The weight of his words settles over you like a blanket, and for the first time in what feels like forever, you allow yourself to believe that maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to carry this burden on your own. Maybe there’s room for something more—something real.

Your heart races in your chest, and you take a shaky breath, eyes locked with his. The closeness between you feels electric, every nerve in your body attuned to his presence, to the quiet intensity in his gaze. It’s dangerous—this connection. You both know it.

But in this moment, it’s all you have.

───

The church bells have just finished ringing, signaling the end of Sunday Mass. You stand outside with Father Charlie, your heart still heavy from the morning’s sermon. The congregation begins to disperse, everyone offering quiet blessings to one another as they leave. You and Father Charlie remain, lingering by the old stone archway. It’s quieter now, the sacred stillness of the church grounds wrapped around you both like a secret.

He turns to you, his gaze soft and familiar, and you can feel the pull between you—stronger now than ever. The unspoken connection that had simmered all week after your vulnerable conversation feels unbearable in its intensity.

“I shouldn’t…” you start, but your words falter as he steps closer, the warmth of his presence radiating into the space between you.

“I know,” he replies, his voice barely above a whisper. But the way his eyes flicker from yours to your lips betrays his struggle, mirroring your own.

Before either of you can talk yourselves out of it, your lips meet in a kiss. It’s soft at first, tentative, but it quickly deepens, fueled by the weight of everything you’ve been holding back for so long. The world seems to disappear—just the two of you in a moment stolen from time itself, as your heart pounds wildly in your chest.

The kiss is both a comfort and a confession, a silent surrender to everything you’ve been too afraid to say. You clutch the fabric of his robe, pulling him closer, needing to feel the solidness of him, to anchor yourself in this forbidden moment.

But then, a gasp—a sharp intake of breath that slices through the intimacy like a blade. You break apart, breathless, and turn to see Nun Megan standing at the edge of the churchyard. Her face is a portrait of shock and disbelief, eyes wide, hand clasped over her mouth as though she cannot believe what she’s just witnessed.

Your stomach drops, cold dread flooding your veins.

“Goodness…” she whispers, her voice laced with horror, “what have you done?”

Father Charlie immediately steps back, but the damage is done. The air is charged with accusation, and you can see the betrayal written across her face. The weight of your actions crashes down around you, guilt mixing with panic.

“Megan, it’s not—” Father Charlie begins, but there’s no stopping her now. She turns and rushes back toward the church, her steps frantic as if she’s running to report what she’s seen, to stop the corruption before it spreads further.

You and Father Charlie are left standing in the aftermath, the kiss lingering on your lips, now tainted with the knowledge that everything is about to change.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[emry-stars-art]

Hi, soooo I'm currently studying phisiotherapy AND at the same time I'm sucker for good cuddling and soft scenes AND I have hate love relationship with scars (visually I think they can be attractive but in a lot of other aspects they just suck). Anyway so u know how scar tissue is a bit** to work with and can cause a lot of problems like numbness in scared area, decrease in range of movement, phantom pains etc. What I'm trying to say is Neil needs A LOT of therapy sessions which should contain some salves manual work with scars and maybe needle therapy which is just prettier way to say sticking hundreds of tiny needles right thru scared tissue which most definitely will hurt BUT what if during all of this they only will learn more about themselves and will have excuse to spend long hours together away from prying eyes and most importantly being soft, clingy, touch starved wholesome dumbasses with one shared braincell?

Sorry for long, boring and probably unnecessary not so much question or message as just my thought vomit I just wanted to share.

Have a great day🫡😅🧡

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BORING AND UNNECESSARY I LOVE IT

omg thank you for bringing your expertise into this, I absolutely wrote the “long hours being touch starved wholesome dumbasses” bit into my notebook lmao. Yeah! This is good!! I’m SUCH a sucker for soft moments like this I’m right there with you. I was bouncing ideas with @paradoxolotl on it and I love the idea of Day being very methodical, he might know some of this stuff already and then he goes out of his way to learn everything he needs to know to make sure Abram can still be taken care of when he won’t let anyone else touch him. Still talking him through everything. Andrew would be as careful as we all know he can be, he never takes for granted the trust Abram has when he allows Andrew to give him more painful massages/therapy, and after, Andrew’s touch softens and neither of them ever mention that he’d already finished the actual exercise/massage a few long minutes ago… idk anything about physiotherapy so I bet there’s lots of great art/story fodder here that I’m just unaware of so if you have any specific ideas I’d love to hear them 👀👀 but here’s what I did draw, hopefully it’s not too completely incorrect 😅

(Shout out to @anon-lemon for making me realize I needed to draw Andrew with his hair down 💕)

Anyway thank you for the ask, together we can make this both incredibly angsty AND incredibly fluffy 😌🥰

[peydawgz]

saw your requests are open and i was wondering if you could do a lil thing where reader is like a inventor and makes a star projector for siebren?? romantic ofc :] hope u have a wonderful day!! !

You Gave Me The Universe || Siebren de Kuiper (Sigma) x Reader

Thank you for your request!!! I hope you like this!! It’s a little angsty, but wholesome ending :3

You and Siebren were tasked to work on a project together, your brilliant minds pairing perfectly. He came up with the ideas and physics, and you brought it to life. He was for the most part quiet, but he would go on rambles when the inspiration sparked.

You understood the trauma behind his mask. You took notice to the way he’d get lost in thoughts, the fear and anxiety, the shaking anger and frustrations. You were the only peaceful thing to come about his sad life. When the black hole appeared around him, and the gravity began to rise, he thought before there was no way to stop him. The thought of hurting the only one who could understand, oh it was like you had a sweet control over him.

Was it fear? Was it anxiety keeping him from you? You hadn’t seen him in a few days, you assumed he was recovering from his outburst. In the meantime, you worked on your own side project. It was just something small, something to keep his mind occupied and make the music fade for once. You cultivated a tiny machine, interpreting his interest in astronomy to create a holographic star projector. It would follow each moon phase, and could zoom in and out of each part of the known galaxy. You’d put so much work into it, you just hoped he would show up eventually so you could give it to him.

After waiting through your usually workday hours with no sign of him, you decided to pay Siebren a visit and see what was up. You tried to call but he would not answer, you still showed up anyways. You knocked on his door, expecting no answer but it only took two seconds before the door creaked open and the tall man stood before you. He wore a comfortable attire, black long pants and a plain white shirt. He looked defeated and uneasy, making you think perhaps he didn’t want you here. It was refreshing just to see him, though, you were worried of the disaster he could cause.

Without exchanging a hello, you lunged into Siebren’s chest, throwing your arms around him as to heal his saddened heart. He was tense, but completely relaxed at your touch. He sighed and invited you in for tea, happy to see your face as well. He didn’t want you to remember him for the monster he showed you he could be. You sat together and talked, mostly you catching him up a bit before getting to your point.

“I made something for you, to help you rest and strengthen your focus.” You told him. He looked shocked, he must not often receive gifts. Before he could say any mess about you didn’t have to get him anything- you told him to close his eyes. You carefully set up the projector out on the table, and shut off the lights. He had a smile creeping over his face, his demeanor changing into excitement.

“Okay you can open them up now.” You take your seat back next to him. He peeks at first, then opens his eyes and mouth in awe as he stares upon the illuminated ceiling. “You made this,, for me??” His voice is almost childlike in bewilderment, and the stars reflect on his glassy eyes. “Yeah! This way, you can relax, when your mind gets fogged up or if you need to fall asleep.” You responded.

“Fascinating…” he mumbled as he lifted a hand, controlling the coordinates with his gravity powers. As you watched him inspect your handmade device, you admired his happiness in this moment. In a state where all chaotic forces do not control him, his intelligence beams. He names each constellation out loud, like checking off a list he knows all too well. He pulled back so far out of the known universe you were staring into the purple clouds and star pools of your own galaxy, suddenly feeling small.

“You are extraordinary. I can’t thank you enough for this… you know me so well.” He said as he faced you. He pulled you in for another hug, his hands holding the fabric of your clothing like something might steal you away from him. He made a mental decision to keep you away from danger, to protect you at all costs and to also cherish your gift to him. No more running and hiding- he would have to fight with his mind to get it under more control, and was thankful for your help to allow him to see this path.

You were taken back by suddenly his whole body covering you in his craving grasp, not understanding the amount of emotion behind it. He was shaking a little, giving you the impression he may cry or his thoughts were becoming too much. You gently caress his back, and slowly moved up to pet his soft, greying hairs as if to soothe him.

His convulsions were that of being overloaded with affection aggression, his desire making him want to nearly crush you, with how sweet and caring you treated him. All signs in his head were pointing to yes, and he could no longer doubt those emotions any longer. He pulls away slowly, his gaze looking among the beautiful swirling colors around you, your own eyes moving around the room as well. He caught your chin with his fingers, crashing his lips into yours very passionately, like letting go of all that held him back. Your face felt hot, a blush showing over your cheeks as you moved closer for more. Once the kiss was over, Siebren slouched over and tucked his face into your neck, scared to look you in the eye for what he’d done. You thought he was so cute, trying to reassure him with more petting and caressing. He moved back, still looking away shyly, you were supposed to be just a coworker, how could he let himself be so inconsiderate to your profession. He looked sad with what he’d done, guilty even.

“It’s okay! I feel the same. There’s no need to worry about later, we should just enjoy now.” You assured him, always being the bright light in his black hole thoughts. He chuckled, reminding himself to relax again, and he leaned back into your touch to enjoy being in the moment with you.

“I can’t thank you enough for all that you do for me. My affection for you goes deeper than the universe.”

[suugarbabe]

I had just had the most wholesome fluffy angsty could be a little smutty story for enzo (tbh enzo doesn't get that much love I need more fanfics of him his so cute) and I just NEED someone to share it with and maybe get them to write it down, someone who can bring it to light, and who can do it other then my favorite writerrr. I know ur currently full on working on protego and for all I care u can only react to my ask and say "yes that's cute but no" I will be full knowing that u at least looked at this and had the patience to read all of this cause this might be a little long.

Anyway this is the idea:

So the reader (gender neutral or female pls, also could be any house but Slytherin because my idea would work better if they we're another house, also pls if u could make them Hufflepuff it would be amazing) had started Hogwarts late but for a reason, they're family had tasked them to find someone to marry with a bit of a more... Bloody... Background, simply to not scare them away from they're family business (can be anything but not death eaters cause I see so many storys with them being ex death eaters or still death eaters) and who's better then to ask dear old childhood friend pansy for help! Anyway pansy is an amazing and does them the favor to help them, she gives them options ofc being Enzo, Theo, Mattheo and Draco, but before the actual match making we need to meet the ppl see who rubs them the right way and who doesn't. Now because they are from a different house then Slytherin some of the ppl in the group don't welcome them in as easily as one would hope for also teasing pansy for getting along with another house in the process of scaring the shit out of them(I also had the idea of like blaise or mattheo saying smt to pansy like "adopted a raven/badger/cub" because I feel like it would be cute and funny at least to me). Eventually everyone warms up to us and now we get to start picking who we want to choose as theirs, after a while we start to eliminate 3 of the boys ending up with wanting and catching feelings for enzo. While befriending enzo wasn't the hardest of the four getting him to like us back without him fully knowing that them needing to find someone to marry is the whole reason they came to Hogwarts. (This is as far as I went to think of the start and kind of the middle so from here I'm gonna kinds skip to start of the end yk) after a while of being happy, strugglong and making up with enzo they get a letter from dear old parents saying they have found someone for them marry and saying that they don't have a choice and that they will marry them because "they're done waiting for them to find someone they might like" this ofc shutters reader, not knowing what to do they lie to enzo saying they don't love him anymore and that they found someone better and that they'll be leaving Hogwarts the day after. Enzo poor boy lost the love of his life BUT pansy comes and saves the day by telling and showing Enzo the letter that readers parents sent (cause ofc she somehow found it, maybe reader left it behind hoping someone would find it I dunno). Enzo is now on a rescue mission to get his love back and infiltrates the wedding and stealing reader away in the process.

This is as much as I got. this is probably no actually the most I've ever wrote/put effort into writing smt I've never had.

If u did reader this whole think I do thank u and I will understand if u would want to decline my ask and would have no problem with it and I will understand if u do, I mostly wrote this to u because I wanted to share my idea with someone and now I have. If u do choose to make this ask I would be delighted and would get on one knee with a ring pop to propose to u. And I don't remember if I wrote this alright but I do know that ur focusing on the protego series and if u do write it I will happily wait 😊💕

I also just realized that I don't remember if u make enzo storys/fanfics. If u don't and I will check the moment I send this well...

It is what it is

Anyway have a great day and ty if u read all of that crap TYSM like seriously, have an amazing day/evening/night 💕💖

I very much have a hyper-fixation with Enzo right now which is why he’s so heavy in Protego at the moment 😅

I really really love this idea but want to get a couple more chapters of Protego out before I hit any of the requests sitting in my ask, which I’m sure you understand!

But I will definitely be keeping this locked and loaded in my back pocket!

[underoossss]

babe, baby, beautiful – s.h

pairing: steve harrington x reader

warnings: language, miscommunications, idiots (pining) to idiots (lovers)

an: lets do this again shall we? this wasn’t showing up in the tags, so i deleted and reposted it today im sorry (i also changed the title from ive meant it all to this). So mamma mia here we go again. Have some wholesome hurt/comfort best friends to lovers to brighten your day/night. I love pining idiots and love confessions so here you are!

Masterlist

✫✫✫✫

The bell over the deli’s front door rings at 1pm, and after a glance at the car parked outside, you know exactly who it is. Steve on his lunch break ––or just any break if you’re being honest–– coming to visit you like he always does. You giggle at the idea that pops into your mind, hoping your best friend is distracted enough for it to work.

“Hey, that’s a nice updog you got there.” You say when Steve comes into the store, using your most casual and nonchalant tone. Though you try not to stare, you can’t help yourself when you look him over briefly. He’s wearing that pair of light washed jeans you don’t let yourself think about, and a light blue polo with a t-shirt underneath. His hair––like always––is perfectly styled, some of it falling over the right side of his forehead. With a shake of your head, you clear your thoughts, focusing instead on Steve’s response.

“What’s u—” Steve starts to say then pauses and rolls his eyes, pointing one finger at you. “No! I’m not falling for it this time.”

“Hah! but you almost did!” You say between laughs; vowing to catch him unaware some other time. “I’ll get you to slip, eventually.”

“You can try babe, but you’ll fail.” He says with confidence then smiles at you; his eyes explore your face for a moment before he spots the book on the counter. “Slow morning today?”

“A bit, yeah. But I don’t mind.” You shrug and bookmark your very-much-loved copy of Persuasion. “How’s FV today?”

Steve looks over the many knick-knacks displayed on the counter as he speaks. “Packed. We got some new movies today, so it’s been busy.”

“‘Your kids’ visit you yet?” You ask while you put your book away. “They were here at noon, those little gremlins.”

 Steve chuckles, “No surprise there, they like hanging out here more than at the store with me, now.”

“There’s no food at your place, Stevie. But in here…” You gesture at your surroundings with your hand. “I’ll get in trouble for feeding them eventually.”

“How many today?” Steve asks you, he smiles fondly, knowing the angsty teenagers you call your friends can win you over easily.

“3 Subs.” Your voice is a whisper when you answer Steve’s question. “I told them that if I’m found out I’ll tell my boss they stole them. Let them deal with the police.”

You chuckle, knowing you’re only bluffing. With everything that has happened to the kids in this town, you’re sure you’ll try to protect them as much as you can. From the look that Steve gives you ––amused? Fond? –– you know he can tell you’re not serious either.

“Dustin’s going to fix my radio too.” You tell Steve. “It keeps making my cassettes sound funny.”

“Well.” Steve shrugs, faking seriousness. “I’ll back you up with the police if you need; get you out of any trouble.”

You hum and raise a questioning eyebrow. “And how exactly are you gonna do that?”

“I’ll convince them, naturally. I can be very charming.” He says, and you can’t help the laugh that leaves you.

“Of course, you will, Stevie.” You smile, leaning your forearms on the counter once more. Your eyes scan his brown ones and take in the playfulness that lies there; it makes your smile grow.

“I don’t think you believe me, babe.” He shakes his head, mock hurt.

“I do! The Harrington charm works every time.” You say seriously, until you giggle once more. It does work though, you’re very much charmed by him. You fell in love with him after all. Steve rolls his eyes at you with fondness, and your stomach flips. Clearing your throat, you speak again. “We’re still on for tonight right, the group dinner?”

“Yeah, you wanted to try that new burger place at the mall.” Steve nods then scratches the back of his neck. “Eight, right?” His eyes look at yours for confirmation.

“Yup.” You smile, moving one of your arms so you can rest your chin on your palm. You can’t keep the joy out of your tone when you speak again. It had been a week since you last saw all your friends together ––no counting any short visits–– and since you had been able to hang out with Steve for longer than your lunch breaks. “I’m excited.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks you, smiling back like he is thinking the same thing ––he complained briefly last week that choosing to work overtime would keep you from enjoying summer weekends. His forearm settles on the counter, close to your hand as he pushes his weight on it and looks at you. His eyes grow fond and suddenly it’s like they capture yours in a trance. Cedar brown irises shine beautifully as he smiles; you can see the flecks of golden brown in them, a tiny detail that only appears with the right light. You feel your fingers flutter where they rest near Steve’s arm, itching to hold his hand and let it cover yours, but you can’t.

That would make things weird, right?

You nod your head at his question, mentally reminding yourself not to let your heart out on your sleeve, but your brain seems to be asleep. Steve’s eyes, which haven’t left your face and only seem to grow more intense, shift to your lips—pupils dilating and eclipsing the beautiful brown you were observing. When did his face come so close to yours? Steve’s cheeks blush a second later and your face like it’s on fire. It takes all in you to keep from breathing in sharply at the thought that pops up in your mind. Does he… is he thinking about kissing you? No, that’s you projecting onto him. But then his fingers move, like they have the same impulse as yours, and brush your arm gently, almost imperceptibly; it sends a jolt through your body.

You’re giving yourself away! Your mind yells at the same time your heart argues He might like you, he’s acting differently.

You jump, from the electric and burning touch as well as the store’s bell sudden ringing. A new customer steps into the store, disintegrating any moment, however unusual, that happened between you. You clear your suddenly dry throat and dart your eyes from the customer to Steve.

“I should—” You motion to the expecting client and Steve nods. Your face is still burning, and you bite your lip anxiously while your mind races over what could have happened had the client not arrived.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, and your eyes follow the movement, staring involuntarily at the way his arm flexes. His eyebrows furrow as if deep in thought, he looks at you briefly then. “Yeah, of course babe. I’ll leave you to it. I’ll um… see you.”

“Sure, Stevie. See you tonight.” You hope he doesn’t hear the disappointment in your voice, the way you wish he didn’t have to go back to work.

With that, Steve goes out the door and to his car once more. You watch as he reverses back into the main road and disappears. After a shake of your head to clear your head, you address the new customer, take his order, and set to helping him checkout. But even as you work your mind spins in incessant circles of wistful thinking. Steve looked at you differently, his eyes had shone with different emotions, too many to identify correctly. He looked at your lips and blushed when you’d noticed. Is it possible that… no, of course not. There’s no way he could be into you. You were his best friend, nothing more. But then again so was he, and you’d fallen for him anyways. Is it possible that he reciprocates your feelings?

✫✫✫✫

Later that day, you pull into the mall’s parking lot past 7:30pm. Robin sits on the passenger seat of your car, her combat boots up on the dashboard. She asked you for a ride earlier, and since your houses are very close by, you happily agreed. The two of you remove your seatbelts, and slide out of the car, locking the doors behind you. The summer night is humid, and you feel almost suffocated in the button-down shirt that covers your shoulders and arms. But the mall would be blasting cold air though, the AC turned up to the max, so there was really no way you’d only be wearing the pale-yellow tank top you have underneath your shirt. You check your pockets for your keys and the cash you brought with you, an unshakable habit ever since you got locked out of your car that one time during the winter. Robin talks while she walks next to you, her mind going over the possibility of a vegetarian option at the restaurant.

“I know it’s a burger place, but veggie burgers exist! And I know I will be that person who asks for the vegetarian option but… I don’t do it to shame you guys! I just don’t think the world needs the extra cruelty towards the cow where my burger would’ve come from. Or the water depletion! I just hope it’s actually like 100% veggie burger, and not some mixture of veggies and meat.” She goes on, about some frozen veggie burgers she got at the supermarket once, that were not all veggies.

You chuckle and bump your shoulder against hers. “I’ll make sure to ask them if it’s all veggie.”

“And make sure they show you the packaging, they can lie to us!” Robin insists and it makes you laugh as you approach the mall’s entrance.

Eddie Munson is waiting by the main door when he spots you. “What’s Buckley saying that’s got you laughing, sweetums.” He asks when he reaches the two of you.

“Hi Eds.” You say, smiling once your laughter fades. You accept the hug he gives you and Robin does as well.

“She’s delighted by all my trust issues, Munson.” Robin says and shakes her head before she looks at you, “Isn’t that right?”

“Of course not.” You shake your head. “I’m just imagining the waiter’s face when you ask for a veggie burger.”

Robin chuckles, a playful smile on her face. “You’re right.”

“Shall we, ladies?” Eddie motions towards the door. “Don’t know about you, but I’m ready for some of that freezing A/C inside.”

“I swear these temperature changes are going to get us sick one of these days.” You shake your head but walk along with your friends. “Did Steve say what time he’ll get here? I told him eight o’clock but—”

“Aw, that’s cute.” Robin says with a teasing tone. “You’re trying to sound nonchalant.”

You raise your chin higher, “I’m always nonchalant.”

“Keep dreaming. When it comes to Steve you never are.” Robin scoffs, but not meanly, she just likes to tease you about your feelings for him and how inconvenient they are as he is your best friend.

“Cut her some slack, Buckley. That’s how young love is.” Eddie says, but he’s chuckling too.

“Come on, Baskin Robins, don’t gang up on me with Eddie,” You decide to tease her right back, with an annoying nickname at least. “I asked a genuine question.”

“Dunno.” Robin says, “He didn’t tell me when he dropped me off after work.”

“I thought Harrington would be with you guys.” Eddie mentions as the three of you step on the escalators. You take one step and Robin shares one with Eddie. The two of them stand behind you, so you turn sideways to address them.

“I haven’t talked to him since this morning.” You say, shrugging even as your stomach flips at the unusual interaction you’d had with him. You picture it in your mind; the two of you leaning against the deli’s counter, him in front of you. He’d stood closer than before, his face close to yours while you chuckled. He’d looked into your eyes, then moved his gaze to your lips. Your heart had hammered against your chest so loudly you wondered if Steve heard it.

“It’s almost eight, so he should be here soon.” Robin proposes with a shrug.

“Yeah.” You nod, then look at Eddie with a smile. “How was Hellfire today?”

“Same as usual.” Eddie tells you. “We have a killer campaign next week.” He goes on to tell you about it, and you listen to him even while you turn briefly to step off the escalators. He’s mentioning something Mike and Dustin had come up with at a club meeting and how he’d let them plan the next campaign.

You were about to tell him how the kids were growing on him but the scene in front of you makes you pause. There, on the other side of the second floor is Steve, but he isn’t alone. There’s a girl next to him, holding his arm as they walk in the direction to the restaurant. You can only see her profile, while she looks at him, and she is beautiful. Her blonde hair bounces perfectly with each step she takes, and the pink lipstick she’s wearing suits her complexion perfectly. They way she looks at him is all too familiar as well, it’s a way you’ve looked at him on many occasions ––and a look you’ve worked hard to conceal from him. But where the girl looks at him like he’s too attractive to be real ––he is–– you look at him like he’s your favourite person to ever exist, like there’s no one you will love like you love him.

You stop dead on your tracks, looking away from Steve’s walking form. Your eyes look around to try and find somewhere to hide. A second later you see a thick pillar to your right and you make a beeline towards it —it’s embarrassing really, how you have to hide, but you don’t to want be spotted. Not when your insides feel like they’re collapsing on themselves. But the way you looked at me this morning, you wonder to yourself, did I imagine it? Of course, you did; you’ve known all along Steve can’t and will never be yours. The only one who wasn’t in on the secret was your heart.

Your friends are quick to follow you, crouching next to you in your hiding place. Their gaze follows yours and you can see out of your periphery that they share a concerned look. Steve looks so handsome as always, in that white t-shirt and burgundy vest; his hair is perfect, the grin on his face is lovely. All of it makes your heart ache, even more so when you look at the girl by his side again. His probable date, the one he chose. I wish you were mine instead, you think. I wish… I only saw you as a friend.

You try to speak and open your mouth to, once, twice, but no sound comes out. The only sound you do hear though, is that of your heart as it breaks. You knew this day would come, you’ve tried to prepare for it, so how is it that you’re not ready? Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to control the way your lip trembles and your hand begins to shake. Nausea bubbles in your stomach and you feel an ache within your chest, though you don’t know how —it’s suddenly hollow and devastated. You swallow hard and manage to find your voice. “I need to leave. Y–you guys should go get burgers anyway —let me know how they are.”

Robin and Eddie start to say your name, but you shake your head, wiping at your eyes before your tears fall. “Look at that, the allergies are acting up. Eddie you can give robin a ride home, right?”

Eddie nods, but his eyes are full of concern. He brings his hand to your shoulder and keeps his voice soft when he speaks. “Yeah, buttercup; but we don’t have to stay, we can go with you.”

Robin nods earnestly, struggling to keep her voice down. She starts rambling, insisting on coming with you. “You’re not okay, come on let’s get you home. We don’t need the burgers; we’ll all make excuses. You don’t have to be alone right now, I-I honestly didn’t know he would….”

“No, please guys, I’m okay.” You try to reassure them, the need to flee the mall growing with each minute. The sting of unshed tears becomes more intense. “Tell Steve I ate a bad sandwich at work and got sick. Or anything! I just can’t be here right now. I’m sorry.”

You offer them a poor excuse for a smile before you turn around to leave the mall. After making sure Steve went the opposite way from the front door, you walk to the escalators again, descending them like you would a normal staircase ––there’s no time to way for it to take you to the main floor, you need to leave. It feels like you’re on autopilot from then on, you walk to your car and drive home in silence. Your hands grip the steering wheel tightly while your heart continues to pound in your chest, this time completely differently than it had in the morning. The autopilot you were in shuts down once you park in your driveway, and at once the numbness ends as your resolve to be strong crumbles. Your feelings overflow, they burst from the tiny box you squeezed them into a long time ago, and it’s a matter of seconds for the tears to follow. Once the first one falls, the rest don’t hold back, and just like that you find yourself crying in your car. Your head falls to the steering wheel and your shoulders shake with a sob when the memory from earlier floods your mind again.

You see the two of them and how good they looked together; how happy she was. Would Steve kiss her goodnight? Would she get to feel his touch as they kissed? It all hurts you even more, yet the only one to blame for being in this mess is you. How could you think you had a chance. You’re Steve’s best friend, just that, and you will remain that indefinitely. It hadn’t bothered you before, until a couple years ago romantic feelings bloomed and grew each time you fell more in love with him. Why did you have to fall in love? Why didn’t you ignore your feelings back then to save you the pain of a broken heart you’re experiencing now?

With a few deep breaths you try to compose yourself, wiping at your eyes and the tears that fell on the wheel during your pity party. You can’t stay in your car all night, so you gather your things and make your way to the front door. You discard your shoes once you’re inside and the door is locked behind you. Then, figuring that chocolate can probably trick you into feeling better, you go to the kitchen where you grab a tub of ice cream from the freezer and a spoon.

You sit on the floor, your back to the fridge as you scoop a spoonful of chocolate ice cream and eat it absentmindedly. You feel tired and jealous, but also angry and hollow. This was going to happen, you remind yourself ––no daydreaming or wistful thinking was going to change the outcome. Steve was never going to choose you, romantically anyways. How are you going to face him again, hear him talk about his date and pretend that you’re happy when you know you’re not. When you know that it’s killing you that you’re not and will never be his.

Even the decadent chocolate flavour turns bitter after a few spoonfuls, your thoughts stripping it off its comforting sweetness. With a sigh, you stand up and drop the spoon on the sink then put the ice cream back in the freezer, determined to go upstairs and shower; you’ll cry yourself to sleep soon after. Yes, that’s a good plan. You empty your pockets and leave everything on your dresser —your keys, and the money you didn’t use. In the bathroom, you start the shower and let the water warm up as you undress and put a shower cap on. You don’t have the strength or willingness to wash your hair tonight, besides, the sooner you’re in bed the better. The warm water soothes you, as does the vanilla scented body wash you always use. You put all your focus on getting yourself clean, trying to leave no room in your mind to think about your feelings.

By the time you’re out of the shower and slip into your sleeping shirt and shorts, you feel proud of yourself because you hadn’t cried anymore. But the small triumph only lasts until you’re done brushing your teeth because just then the phone starts to ring downstairs. You rinse your mouth before going back downstairs and to the kitchen, thankful for your deep-sleeper parents when you see its 10:30 on the microwave’s clock.

“Hello?” You answer the phone, wondering who’s calling.

“Hey, babe.” Steve voice says on the other side of the line, and you the minute to hear his voice your non-crying streak is broken. Your throat feels tight, and your vision blurs; flashes of what you saw at the mall come back to you like an unkind reminder. You want to hang up, you have to make up any excuse because Steve can’t hear you cry.

“Hi,” You murmur as your fingers fidget with the phone’s curly cord. You tangle and untangle your finger in it, anything to calm you down.

 “Robin said you’re sick, how are you feeling?”

 If only you knew.

 “I’m…not great,” You say, and it isn’t a lie, he just doesn’t know why. “I’m throwing up my guts.” You continue, trying to stop your voice from wavering and pressing your lips together as you take a deep breath. I’m also crying my eyes out you think, but you don’t tell him.

“Must have been a really bad sandwich,” Steve says–– you can picture him scratching his chin as he speaks, his eyebrows furrowed. “This morning you were fine. I called Henderson and he’s not sick.”

You shake your head, of all the times he chooses to be perceptive… Yeah, this morning seems like an eternity ago. When I thought you returned my feelings, but you went out on a possible date, and it broke my heart.

“I ate a different sub.” You say. “And with my luck it probably had poison in it. Maybe it was the lettuce.” You fake a chuckle, knowing the lie is sealed tight now. The kids hate veggies, that’s why you never put them in their sandwiches. If you say you put some in yours then it’s more believable that you got sick, and they didn’t.

You clear your throat, needing to spare yourself any more pain. “I… um, feel very tired though so I should go to bed.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, probably nodding his head even though you can’t see him. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea, beautiful. Drink lots of water, ok?”

Your heart tightens at the pet name ––one of many that started meaning something different to you a while ago––and his concern. In another world, one where you aren’t in love with him, you know he would be comforting you through your heartbreak.  But that isn’t the world you live in. Here, you deal with it alone because silly you fell in love with your best friend.

“Yeah, thanks Stevie. Night.” You hang up and squeeze your eyes shut as you lean against the wall, letting your tears finally fall to the kitchen floor.

The sudden knock on the front door makes you look up, and you barely have time to wonder who it is when you hear Robin’s voice calling your name. “Open up! I can see the lights on!” She says from the other side.

Though you’re tired —and surprised— you make your way to the front door and open it to find Robin and Eddie standing there. They look at you with both worry and sympathy when they see your red-rimmed and puffy eyes. It’s enough to make you tear up again.

“I hate everything.” You mumble and they step inside to envelop you in a three-person hug. “What are you guys doing here?”

Robin scoffs softly, “You honestly think we wouldn’t check up on you?”

You can only shrug when they step back, that’s exactly what you thought earlier. “I guess not.”

“We didn’t want you to be alone.” Eddie says, his lips forming a frown.

“Thank you… I appreciate that.” You tell them, though you feel guilty that your currently emotional state made them come see you. “Come in, make yourselves comfortable.”

The three of you move to the living room, where you lie face down on the couch, knowing you don’t have to pretend to be okay with your friends. Eddie sits on the coffee table and Robin goes to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

“How were those burgers?” You ask though your voice is muffled by the couch. “Steve just called. Thank you for covering for me.”

“The burgers were… interesting.” Eddie says, “We were going to bring you one but Robin said you would throw it up.”

You shake your head, sitting up briefly when you hear Robin approach. “You can rip the band aid off. I just heard his voice and lied to him, so what’s some more pain?”

Robin hands you the glass of water which you accept and take a few sips from. Eddie takes the glass from you when you’re done, and you collapse on the couch again, facing the ceiling this time.

“He came to the restaurant with her, sat down with us for a bit.” Eddie begins and his leg bounces anxiously as his hands fidget, like he’s unsure he should be telling you more, “He asked about you, and got worried when we told him you got sick.”

“They didn’t stay long.” Robin says from where she now sits on the floor next to you.

“Was she, his date?” You ask, looking for some confirmation of your assumptions.

Robin nods and takes your hand in hers. “Yeah, it was a date.” She whispers.

You nod in understanding, eyes fixed on the ceiling as tears gather in your eyes. So it is confirmed then, you think dejectedly, I read too much into what happened in the morning. I fooled myself into thinking he was into me. One of your tears rolls down your cheek and hides in your hair.

“Shit, sweetums.” Eddie says, sounding upset by your current state. “Come on, don’t cry.”

You chuckle morosely, “I can’t help it, Eddie. I feel like my heart went through a paper shredder.”

“I thought Harrington was into you, buttercup, I was almost certain of it.” Eddie shakes his head; you feel his eyes still on your face. “Robin too.”

“Yeah, I never thought he’d bring a date to dinner. Considering you invited him.” Robin is shaking her head while she pulls on a thread sticking out of the carpeted floor.

“We were all wrong then.” You say, closing your eyes, “Me for believing I wouldn’t care or be affected if Steve dated someone, and you guys for thinking he saw me as anything other than a friend.”

There’s a minute of silence between the three of you as you shake your head at your own foolishness and stare at the ceiling. “He called me, just as you guys arrived. Had to hang up quickly so he wouldn’t hear me cry.”

Robin’s hand falls on your shoulder and squeezes it in comfort. You think about how you had to lie to Steve, how you didn’t even let him say good night. It makes you tear up again. “This is pathetic. Why is it affecting me so much?” You say, voice muffled as you cover your face with your hands.

“Hey, come on it’s not pathetic.” Eddie says, gently pulling your hands away from your face. “You just got a big heart, so your feelings are stronger. Nothing wrong with it.”

You turn your head to look at him, feeling guilty for needing comfort but also grateful for it. “Real good that’s done.” You chuckle without any joy, “I should’ve known better.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Robin chides, moving to sit on the couch, urging you to rest your head on her lap.

“Thank you.” You tell Robin, and then Eddie. “I’ll be okay, eventually.”

“How?” Robin asks, shaking her head at you, as she runs a hand over your head.

“I just need to sort out my feelings for Steve; put them back on the box they were in before.” You explain, trying to convince them and yourself at the same time. 

“And when Harrington goes on another date?” Eddie echoes your conscience beside you which makes you turn to look at him again.

You bring your gaze back to the ceiling when you feel yourself tear up once more. Will your heart survive something like this once again? What if you see him kissing someone else. What pain will that cause?

Eddie places his hand over yours, his rings cold against your skin. “You’re crying just at the thought of it, buttercup.”

You cover your face with your hands again as the tears continue to come, falling down your cheeks in earnest. “I need to get over these feelings. I need to forget that I ever fell in love with him.” You shake your head. “I need to get away, clear my head.”

“And go where?” Eddie asks, doubt and concern lacing his tone.

“Your aunt’s” Robin says a second later and two pairs of eyes turn to  look at her. “She’s always asking you to visit, you can go there.”

Robin is right, Aunt Maggie is always asking when you’ll visit her again. She has a lovely farm with a light blue painted house. It’s been a while since you last drove there and you’d be lying if you say you didn’t miss her. Two birds, one stone.

“Wheres that?” Eddie asks, his hands now playing with his hair anxiously.

“Ohio, a little out of Columbus.” You rub at your eyes, “I can drive, it’s less than 4 hours away.”

“So that’s it, you’re leaving?” Eddie looks at you like you’ve lost your mind and you shrug. Maybe you have, but there’s no denying you need to figure out how to move forward after tonight. Doing so 4 hours away from Hawkins and without having to actively ignore Steve seems like the best alternative.

 “I’m off work until Wednesday next week, it works.” You tell your friends, sitting up on the couch. You look at Robin, thankful for her memory. “I’ll call Aunt Margaret in the morning.”

“I don’t want you to, but…” Robin sighs, slouching where she sits. “When do you think you’ll leave?” Though you can see she’s trying to act casual, you know she’s nervous for you; worried.

“Probably Sunday?” You run a hand over your head, “I need to pack.”

“You don’t have to leave.” Eddie is shaking his head, opposing your idea.

“Eds, I just need to be with my thoughts for a while, see what I’m going to do. Otherwise, I won’t stop hurting, and all the crying is going to dehydrate me, and I’ll end up dead.”

Or your heart will give out. Your eyes tear up again, like they’re not done crying. Not yet. “Fuck, not again.”

“I just want you to be okay. I’ve never seen you cry, sweetums. Ever. Tonight has been shocking to say the least.” Though you can’t see him, you can hear the frown Eddie has on his face as he speaks.

Robin puts her hand on your knee, patting it twice. “We just want you to smile again, for real. Like you did earlier tonight.”

“Well, I was going to eat some fries and a burger, and I thought the guy I love might like me back.”  You chuckle and wipe your tears again, uselessly. “I will be okay, I feel absolutely empty right now, but I will be better. A change of scenery will help me.” You hope.

“So, Sunday?” The two of them ask you.

“Sunday.” You nod and swallow hard, deciding to give them both a smile instead of more crying.

“I hope you’re right about this.” Robin mumbles.

“Me too.” You say, hoping things will work out.

 ✫✫✫✫

 Sunday morning eventually arrives, and you wake up early in the morning to make sure you have everything you need for the next 3 days. You pack a couple snacks and some water bottles for the road, take your car to fill up the gas tank, and pack anything else you might need. Robin arrives at 10am, Eddie at 10:15, to load your things in your car and say goodbye before you leave.

“How did Steve take it?” Robin asks you. The three of you sit on your front door’s steps, waiting for Steve to arrive. It didn’t feel right in your heart to leave without saying goodbye to him, so you called him last night.

You sigh, “He was very confused, you know how he is. He asked a bunch of questions, but I told him I’d explain today.”

“Explain, huh?” Eddie says with a chuckle next to you.

“You know what I mean, Munson.” You roll your eyes and bump his shoulder with yours. “The necessary information only.”

Just then you hear a car approach in the distance and recognize it as it comes closer to you house. Steve speeds to your driveway, barely putting his car on park before he’s sliding out of it and walking towards you. A frown pulls down at his lips, there’s a crease between his brows as he furrows them and his hair is a dishevelled from running his finger through it —it still works for him, it always does. Damn you for always looking so good Steve, you think as you see the way the blue polo he’s wearing fits him.

You stand to greet him, offering a small wave when he stops in front of you. “Hey.”

“Babe, what? You’re leaving?” Steve is shaking his head when he steps closer to you, brows still furrowed in question.

“Aunt Maggie called me, Steve, she asked me to visit.” You explain. Your hands fidget with each other in front of you. “You know she lives alone, maybe she needs some company.”

“So this time you just accepted her invitation?” Steve sounds confused, like you’re not making any sense and you know you probably aren’t, but you nod anyway.

“Yeah…”

Steve brings his hand up, close to your face and rubs the skin of your under eye softly with his thumb—his frown deepens. “You haven’t been sleeping well?”

When you can only shrug—speechless from his touch— Steve sighs. “Why are you really leaving, beautiful?”

There he goes again with the pet names, making your heart race, and confusing it at the same time. He is so caring, and worries so much you wish you could tell him the truth; that it wouldn’t make you lose him. “There are some things I need to figure out.” You say when you look at the floor then back at him. You don’t want to lie to him, so a vague truth would have to do.

“You can talk to me, you know that. You can tell me anything.” Steve says softly, his eyes pleading you to talk to him or maybe to stay? You’re not sure.

Not this, you think, I can’t tell you this. “I hope I can, Stevie. Eventually.”

You step closer and hug him wishing for nothing more than to comfort him. The minute you’re in his arms you curse your body for fitting so perfectly against his, and the way it relaxes under his touch. You melt against him for a second, your mind spiraling further. You’re the only one for me, can’t you see? Can’t you tell how perfect this feels? But you’ll never see me as the one for you. Steve’s arms are a reassuring weight on your shoulder, and the way he hunches to cocoon you in his chest makes you sigh softly; softly enough he doesn’t hear you.

“Call me, yeah? I don’t know your aunt’s number.” Steve mumbles above your ear. it tickles you but you dare not move from his embrace. Not yet.

“Robin has it. I’ll call you though, to tell you I arrived okay.” You nod, knowing he feels the movement.

“And drive with caution.” He says next, his tone serious before his voice becomes softer. “ I could have driven you.”

“It’s like an 8 hour round trip Steve, I’d never ask that of you.” You shake your head against his shoulder, involuntarily breathing him in.

Steve reluctantly nods, still frowning you imagine but you don’t blame him. Even without your romantic feelings involved, it would make you sad to leave town for a while. This separation from him though necessary is killing you on the inside. “Just be careful, okay? I’ll miss you.”

You nod against his shoulder again. “I’ll miss you too..” You step back, putting some distance between you and looking into his eyes one more time.  I’ll miss everything about you, you want to say.

“Let me check your car, make sure it’s alright for the road.” Steve is still frowning as he scratches his cheek anxiously. “Won’t take long.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” You muster your most convincing smile while your heart aches at his concern. He nods, and walks back to the driveway.

Robin’s arms envelop you a second later, squeezing you tightly. You return her fierce embrace with one of your own, sighing at the thought of leaving her behind. “Sorry to leave you with all the boys.” You tell her.

Robin takes a step back. “Please come back, okay? And call me when you get to aunt Maggie’s ‘cause then I’ll know you’re safe and sound. Don’t forget, or else I will end up hitchhiking to Ohio just to make sure you’re safe and with so many weirdos out there who knows where I’ll end up.” Robin starts to ramble, her eyes serious and her hands clutching your shoulders to get her message across.

You nod your head, smiling at her concern and creative mind. “I will call you, just please don’t hitchhike alright? Ask someone to drive you if you need to check that I’m not dead.”

Robin nods, her short hair bouncing lightly on her head. “I’ll miss you.”

“I will too.” You give her another hug before you move over to hug Eddie, who stands next to her.

Eddie’s leather jacket is cool to the touch, but it doesn’t take away any warmth from his hug. “You’ll be alright buttercup. Things might seem shitty right now, but it’ll get better.”

“Thank you, Eddie.” You say, voice small as you step back and look at him, grateful for his words and his support. “For everything. You’re a good friend.”

He dismisses the compliment with a wave of his hand, smiling softly at you. “You need anything, call us. We’ll get to you as fast as we can. Right, Harrington?” His eyes move to your car, and you turn around to find Steve there closing the hood.

You walk to him and stand next to the driver’s side. “Is it good to go?”

Steve nods, staring at the floor and then looking into your eyes again. “Come back, okay babe? I sure hope you find me here when you do, and that I haven’t crashed myself into a car because the kids drove me crazy while you were gone.”

You laugh at his joke and his own laughter follows soon after. Your eyes light up at the smile on his face, the way his eyes squint against the sun and wrinkle in the corners with his smile. You adore him, you are seriously fucked. “I’ll be back here on Wednesday, Stevie.” You smile at him, forgetting about everything for a second and kissing his cheek. “Don’t crash your car.”

With that, you slide into the driver’s seat, start the car, and drive away.

Steve stands in the driveway and stares after your car as it becomes smaller in the distance, until it turns a corner and disappears from view. It doesn’t feel right, fuck, it’s not right. Why did everything decide go to shit all of a sudden?

“You know Harrington, I did not take you for a blind man.” Eddie says to him, rubbing his chin before he shakes his head.

Steve puts his hands on his hips. “What’s that supposed to mean, Munson?” He’s lost, he’s been so confused since Friday. What had happened?

“Nothing,” Eddie puts his hands up. “I just think it’s sad that you’re so lucky, but you fail to see it.” Eddie gives him a small smile, then goes to his car as Steve stands there feeling more confused than before.

“Munson! Eddie! Come on what’s that supposed to mean?” Steve calls after him, but Eddie doesn’t turn around.

“You’ll figure it out eventually.” Is all Eddie says before getting into his car and driving away.

Steve turns, looking at Robin with pleading eyes. If there’s something he’s missing, which he’s sure he is, she must know it. “Robs?” He asks. “‘You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Robin flicks his nose, then chuckles. “You should go home, dingus. Sit on it for a while, it’ll come to you.” She turns around and starts to walk along the sidewalk back to her place, leaving Steve to think over her words.

It’ll come to you. What will?

✫✫✫✫

 It, in fact, did not come to him. Not on Sunday, and definitely not on Monday, especially with Robin’s refusal to help him out. No clues, no explanations, nothing. Steve’s hair is in a permanent state of disarray from constantly running his fingers through it. You were gone, and though you had talked to him briefly on the phone it just wasn’t enough. Steve feels like he’s going to lose his mind. You’ve been acting weird since the weekend, dodging dinner with what he thinks is a lie about being sick, then randomly leaving to Ohio. There was also the fact that your eyes looked sad, the last time he saw you, your smile only coming through when he joked right before you left. It had filled his chest with joy, but then you drove away and everything inside him deflated. He feels like a walking carcass, a shadow, a lost pet walking down the streets. Had he done something to upset you? Would you ever tell him what?

“You’ve been checking that list out for more than an hour, you know that right?” Robin speaks up from where she sits, reading a magazine with her boots propped up on the counter.

Family video is empty around him, like it always is on Tuesdays, and Steve looks down at the inventory list he’s holding. Every box is checked already, but he zoned out thinking about you and now he looks like an idiot standing by the drama aisle. How fitting.

“Shit.” Steve sighs, walking to place the list on the counter. He rests his head there, squeezing his eyes shut. There are too many questions swirling in his mind; it feels like he’s going crazy ––so he starts to pace. “What if she doesn’t come back Robin!”

“Why wouldn’t she?” She asks vaguely, and Steve knows she’s only half listening to him. “She has a shift at the deli on Thursday.”

“She left last minute, something must have happened. And it has to do with me, because she didn’t tell me until the last minute! I’m her best friend, I’m always the first to know.” Steve runs a hand through his hair again, and stares at the carpeted floor while he walks the whole length of the counter and back. “Then there’s you and Munson being so mysterious about all this, not telling me anything.”

“Steve.” Robin sighs, “I don’t think there’s a point in me telling you, I think you already know what happened, but your mind doesn’t process it yet.”

“I don’t know!” Steve throws his hands up in exasperation at the same time the front door opens. Dustin, Max, and Lucas storm inside, determined looks on their faces.

“Where is she?” Dustin demands, foregoing all manners as he looks from Steve to Robin.

“Who?” Robin asks, not looking up from her magazine.

“You know who!” Dustin says, rolling his eyes. “She’s not been at the Deli for two days.”

“And she won’t answer the phone at home. Her parents said she’s away. Where?” Max asks, furrowing her eyes when she looks at Steve. “Did you do something?”

 “No! I’m as lost as all of you are.” Steve rolls his eyes. “She’s been acting weird since Friday.”

“She seemed fine to me.” Lucas shrugs, the crosses his arms over his chest. “She gave us some sandwiches, then we talked for a while. Everything was normal.”

“Yeah, well she bailed on dinner with us because she got sick from eating a sandwich.” Steve shakes his head, looking away from the accusatory looks the teenagers were giving him.

“From a sandwich?” Max says, a confused look crossing her features. “Can’t be, she ate half of mine and I’m fine.”

Steve’s head turns to the redhead so fast, he’s sure he risked whiplash. “What?”

“I told you.” Dustin says with an eye roll. “None of us were sick on Friday.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me she shared a sandwich with Max!” Steve points a finger at him, then sighs and rests his hands on his hips. “So, she just bailed? Didn’t go to the mall? She told me she was excited.”

“You didn’t see her there?” Lucas asks.

“No, Eddie drove Robin that night, she wasn’t around.” Steve shakes his head, then looks at the teens in front of him suspiciously. “What do you know?”

“Eddie couldn’t have driven Robin; he ran out of D&D and then drove to the mall. He said he was running late.” Dustin explains, his eyebrows are furrowed in concentration and Steve knows he’s trying to figure the puzzle out. “So, she must have driven Robin, but why did she leave?”

 “Why did she lie?” Steve wonders aloud.

“Maybe she changed her mind.” Lucas supplies and Max shakes her head.

“That’s not it.” Max mumbles, at the same time Robin speaks up.

“Maybe she saw something she didn’t like.”

“I knew it! You know something!” Steve says, turning to face Robin at the same moment she lowers her magazine.

Her gaze is serious, “Think about it, Steve. What did you do on Friday.”

All teenagers turn to him, expectant looks on their faces to hear what Steve has to say.

Steve’s face transforms into a grimace. “I went on a bad date with someone.”

“What?!” Dustin, Max, and Lucas, yell at the same time.

The outrage in their eyes makes Steve put his hands up. “What do you mean ‘what?!’”

Max pretends to think, then speaks up. “Um, aren’t you like completely gone for Y/N?”

“Why would you go on a date with someone else?” Dustin shakes his head.

Steve scratches the back of his neck and looks down at the floor. He almost messed up on Friday afternoon, when he went to the deli to see you. You had looked just so fucking pretty ––like you always do–– with your hair styled in that way that makes Steve crazy and that pink lip-gloss on your lips. It was like you were trying to drive him out of his mind that day, and Steve being the idiot he is, had slipped. He’d leaned too close to you, he let his eyes shift down to your lips and fucking blushed when you caught him staring. He’d given into the impulse of touching your hand and was pretty sure he would have kissed you had a customer not arrived. He felt so stupid, the one thing he told himself not to do ––let you find out he’s in love with you–– and he went ahead and almost blew it. You had smiled so prettily at him, and it took everything in him to put distance between the two of you. So, after leaving the deli, flustered and in a rush, Steve looked for a date to bring to dinner that night. Anything to get the feelings that had surfaced in check, and to cover up his slip in front of you.

“So I would be forced to think about someone else but her! So she wouldn’t figure out I like her!” Steve shakes his head, disliking the way everyone is looking at him like he’s a blind man. Just like Munson said on Sunday.

“It all makes sense now.” Dustin nods, and everyone agrees. Everyone but Steve.

“No,” Steve shakes his head. “What? It doesn’t.”

Robin groans and puts her magazine down. “How would you feel if it had been you in her place, Steve?”

Steve looks down to the floor again, thinking about it. He thinks about you on a date with someone else, some dude who would get to hold your hand and make you laugh. It immediately hurts something inside of him, and he clenches his fists by his sides. “That makes no sense, it would suck, but only because I have feelings for her.”

Max is going to say something, but Robin holds her hand up and speaks first. Her eyes are trained on Steve. “He’ll realize it, give him a minute.”

Steve thinks about the way you lied about being sick and avoided dinner on Friday, those are things he would do too, if he is being honest. He thinks about the possibility of you having feelings for him, about his love not being unrequited and it all makes sense. Your avoidance, the way you looked so sad on Sunday. He’d hurt you, and now you thought he was in love with someone else. Your heart. Steve winces as he thinks about how you must have felt, your heart, so kind and so big, it must have hurt that night. It might even still hurt right now. All because of him.

“So she…” Steve mumbles, speechless at the thought.

 “YES STEVE!” Everyone yells at him, and that is enough to jump-start his heart and his mind. It spurs him into action.

 “Shit! Shit!” Steve says, patting his pockets for his keys. “I have to go, I gotta go see her and–– and I’ll figure out the rest on the way.”

 “We’re coming with you!” Robin jumps up from her seat, a look of triumph on her face. “Told you you’d figure it out.”

 “Keith, we gotta go!” Steve yells over his shoulder, running to the door and flipping the store’s sign to close. “Take it out of my paycheck!”

Everyone squeezes into Steve’s car, with barely any time to put their seat belts on before Steve reverses out of his parking spot and speeds out of the lot. He sees everything with new eyes. Hope flourishing on his chest. He needs flowers, and he needs to think over what he’ll say. He’s got 4 hours, more than enough time.

 ✫✫✫✫

 The days you spent at Aunt Maggie’s house had been everything but uneventful. She had welcomed you with open arms and showed you the new things she’d changed around the house since your last visit. From then on you had kept busy, thankful for the distractions, working on the garden, watering the many flowers planted around the property, driving to town and running errands for your aunt. Then there was Saturn, Aunt Maggie’s golden retriever, who had done wonders to your mood the moment you arrived. But still, your feelings and thoughts always found a way to creep up on you. You thought and missed Steve, constantly, unable to tune him out like you hoped, and every phone call with him cemented the fact that you can’t go on lying to him. He is still your best friend, and even though you’re going to lose him you came to the decision to tell him the truth. You’ll tell him that you’re in love with him once you’re back in Hawkins. You figure, that if you’re going to end up hurt either way ––pining while he dates someone else or alone after you confess your feelings–– you might as well get hurt from telling the truth.

You are just about done baking some cookies, taking them out of the oven and setting them on the counter to cool, when you hear a car approaching the house. The gravel road crunches under its weigh, and you look out the window to see if Aunt Maggie was back from her book club. But it isn’t her car that’s approaching, it’s Steve’s. Tiny pieces of dirt fly everywhere as the tires move on the small and secluded path to the house. The sun that’s still shinning, though lower on the sky, glints on the windshield and conceals who’s inside. You try to keep your emotions in check, but your stomach flips traitorously at the thought of it being Steve.

Saturn barks next to you, propping his paws on the kitchen counter to look out the window. A second later he dashes to the front door, and barks to let you know he wants to go out. You take your apron off, and walk to the living room, lingering by the front door for a moment as you wonder what the hell is going on. Your aunt’s dog runs outside the moment you open the door, surprising Max, Lucas and Dustin when they open the back door. Robin is next to slide out of the car, opening the passenger door and running to where you stand.

“Hey stranger.” She smiles, her arms hugging you tightly as you chuckle. You hug her back, smiling widely at the sight of your friend.

“Hey yourself.” You say. “What are you––?”

“YN!” The three teenagers run to you. They shove Robin out of the way before they hug you and though you try, you can’t make out a single word they’re saying. It could be gibberish, or something serious but you can’t focus on any of it because Steve steps out of his car in that moment.

“There are cookies on the kitchen counter.” You tell the three of them after your hug, and it’s enough to get them running inside the house.

Steve walks around his car and stands there, in the sun, holding a small bouquet of colourful flowers. His face is serious, save for a small smile he sends your way, and with just one look you can tell something is different. But you don’t know what.

“Hi.” He says when you walk towards him, eyes shining in a new way that confuses you even more.

“Hi, Stevie.” You smile, then tilt your head slightly. “What are you doing here?”

Steve offers you the flowers with a shrug and when you take them from him, his hand holds your wrist gently. “I came to see you, I have to tell you something.”

You look at his hand when it lets go of you, and swallow hard. “I––I do too.” You say, taking a deep breath and looking into his eyes. How is it that he got prettier in just 3 days.

Steve starts to speak but you speak up first, needing to tell him the truth once and for all ––before you chicken out. “I love you Steve. I––I have feelings for you, so many that I can’t hide them anymore. I saw you on Friday at the mall when you were out on a date and it… well it broke my heart.” You shake your head, looking away and to the side.

You gather courage with another deep breath and look at him again. “I didn’t know how to face you without you finding out about my feelings, so I lied about being sick. I’m sorry for lying, I hated it, I hated being away from you too. But I decided to let you know how I felt, regardless of the consequences. I understand if this makes things between us weird.”

Steve shakes his head, holding you free hand. “Babe––”

“Please don’t call me that if you don’t mean it like it means to me, Stevie.” Tears have gathered in your eyes, and you brush them away quickly. “I can’t take it.”

He takes a step closer to you, making the distance between the two of you smaller. You breathe in sharply at the proximity, only to become breathless a second later. “Babe, baby, beautiful, gorgeous, sweetheart.” Steve whispers to you, his eyes adoring and melting you on the spot. “I mean them all, I’ve meant all of them.” Steve confesses and brings his hands up  to cradle your face, his smile is almost shy as he speaks.

At your stunned silence Steve continues, growing more confident. “I love you, I’ve loved you for so long. I only went on a date because I almost kissed you that morning and tried to get over you. And I failed because it’s impossible to get over you.” He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you because I never thought you’d feel the same way, you’re way too good for me.”

“No, I’m not.” You shake your head, tears blur your vision for a whole different reason this time. “You deserve everything, Steve.”

“I just need you, only you, babygirl.” His thumb rubs your cheek softly, it makes you close your eyes. “You were gone 3 days and it was hell…I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Stevie.” You whisper. You feel speechless as you stare up at him in wonder and in love, struck with the truth and the relief that you don’t have to give each other up after all. “We’ve been so wrong.”

Steve only nods, understanding the look in your eyes like he’s thinking the same thing. “Gotta make it right.”

You look at his lips then back at his eyes, feeling your face burn when Steve smiles at you.

 His pupils dilate as he takes you in, his eyes feeling like a caress everywhere he looks. “I’m yours, baby.” He says softly, “You can kiss me.”

You settle your hands on his shoulders and you lean in, feeling electricity go through your whole body when Steve’s lips touch yours. Every breath on your body leaves you at one, every thought disappears from your mind, and it only leaves room for you to focus on the person in front of you. Your best friend, who’s lips fit so perfectly with yours, you’re not sure how the two of you took so long to take this next step. Because you were both idiots, your mind supplies. You tune it out and wrap your arms around Steve’s neck, pressing your chests together in the process and bringing you even closer. One of Steve’s hands that cradled your cheek moves to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss, and you can’t help the sigh that leaves you. Goosebumps rise on your skin when you feel his tongue brush your bottom lip, his hand tangle in your hair, his teeth lightly catching one of your lips between them. It’s perfect, it overwhelms your senses, it makes you want to stay in this moment forever. You wonder briefly, if this is all a dream but shut that thought down immediately. There’s no way you could conjure up a dream this perfect, a dream that feels so right.

You smile, then laugh when the joy you feel is impossible to hold back, and Steve pulls back with a matching smile of his own. “There it is my girl’s smile. ‘Was going fucking crazy not seeing it for more than a day.” He says.

Your smile brightens, your heart soars inside your chest at how right it all feels. “I missed you, Stevie.”

Steve’s hands drift down to your waist and bring you closer to him; his eyes dark from your kiss softening after a moment. “I missed you more, come back home yeah?”

“I will.” You nod, matching Steve’s shining smile. You hold back a giggle, an idea popping up in your mind just like it did last Friday. “I just have one question.”

“Sure babe.” Steve leans down, his lips placing a couple of barely-there kisses on your cheeks. “Anything.”

“Did you see that updog on the way here?”

 “What’s updog?” He asks distracted, lips against your skin.

 “Nothing, what’s up with you?” You giggle, and soon start laughing at the look of absolute defeat on Steve’s face. “Told you I’d make you fall for it eventually.”

 “Oh come on, I was distracted! You tricked me.”

 You cackle as he tries to deny the fact that he fell for your prank and Steve’s eyes squint with determination. His fingers flutter on your waist and you squirm out of his reach, knowing what’s on his mind. There’s no way you’ll let him tickle you. Steve laughs when you start running away to the open field next to the house. He runs after you, following your own laughter, his heart so full it could burst.

 You look over your shoulder and smile. “I love you!” You tell him, just because you can, and can’t help but thank fate for this turn of events when Steve yells back:

“I love you.”

tagging some very nice people: @magnitude101999​ @steveslittlesunflower​ @avengersbabe13​ @vulgarfuckinvirgo​ @k1ngeddie​

[milkiane]

so i am feeling incredibly emotional rn so, here’s an appreciation post for my favorite people. (this have been in my drafts for three weeks now) -- so why not post this along with my sleepover <3 sleepover bash

@chokemepansy

need i say more? no— but i will anyway. asteria, my mean cheerleader girlfriend, you are the first moot i’ve ever had, and honestly, i wouldn’t have it any other way. you're my favorite person in the entire world, and pls i am getting so emotional rn, i hate you >:-( i’ve told you everything at my previous letters but i just want you, and everyone else who’s about to read this, to know that you’re my platonic (and quite possibly romantic) soulmate, and my other-third, because pansy owns the shit out of us. love u lots, don’t say it back <3

@accioweaslcy

my favorite headcanon writer 😩 pls alyssa, i’ve had, and still do, have so much fun talking with you. i really, really, love your company, i love your writing, and most especially love you. you were one of my moots that talked to me with such ease and comfort despite being a tad bit younger than you, and it’s been fun ! you’re like one of those seniors who befriends juniors, but still have this amazing (and envying) friendship with each other. not only that, but you being my friend, and me being a dumbass, made our own version of the golden trio with @weasleyyy ! now, this is a story i’ll tell my kids. love u, even if you choose to chomp me <3

@weasleyyy

gHAZAL ! now, are you thankful for me being a half-asleep dumbass who thought you were rose because of your similar urls before, or what ? because i definitely am PFT SJSHSJSHSJN anyways, i’m so happy to have you in my life. i’m a sucker for your chaotic and impulsive energy, and your little thoughts about the hpu. just like rose, thank you for acting just as yourself around me, a smol bisexual mess, because i really do appreciate it, and now you made me a fanclub— which btw, i still cannot get over with. i wheeze everytime i remember it. i love u, madame gazelle, even if you’re a mean li’l fuck ! <3

@amrtxntias

AAAAAAAAH heather, you are officially my unofficial soft british best friend, and no, you do not have a say in this, because you’re stuck with me forever. thank you so much for helping me with terms i need for writing. you’ve been the best, you’ve supported me through every ups and downs with my writings ever since we’ve met. it wasn’t even too long ago ! but you’ve welcomed me like i was a long lost friend of yours. love u, h, the lily to my marlene <3

@buckysbeloved

aliciaaa !! you’re honestly like an older sister i’ve never had. i’ve never had anyone to rant about my marvel fangirlings with, but i am so glad that you were so open with my rants and conspiracy theories. you’ve never judged me or shown any disinterest with my rambles, you’ve been so supportive and you continue to give me the same energy as mine. it’s a very little thing to fuss about, but lish, you’ve got to know that it means so much to me. i’m tearing up— blame the hormones. but really, i’m so grateful for you and your company (and your maxibaby fics). love u to the moon and back ! <3

@acosmis-t

isa isa isa isa isaaaa, pls i love u so much. that’s all i want to say, but ofc, i need to say more. you have been one of my best friends— we clicked the moment we spoke to each other and i was incredibly happy to be your moot. i couldn’t even believe it at first because you’re this rly cool writer with tons of followers and i’m just another user in the crowd but like, everything i want to say is beyond the words that want to come out of my mouth, so i’ll leave it with a thank you for choosing me to be one of your mutuals. thank you for blessing me, and the others, with your lovely fics. never stop doing what you love, i’m here for you always. always was, and always will be. i mean, it should be with the jointed graves and all. love u <3

@reguluscore

SOOOORINNNN. sometimes i question what’s happening inside your head. like one second your posting angsty fics and thoughts, and next thing i know you’re posting a dancing prongs gif. i’ll never understand, i reckon, but that’s alright, i’ll love you just the way you are, even if you break my heart with your angst. tell me who hurt you and i’ll beat them up. i love u so much, i’m still listening to your playlist, because it’s astronomical. sending you some forehead kisses <3

@inks-and-jinx

vivian !! i’m still beyond grateful for you and your artistic and writing talents. you’re such an angel, and i’m so incredibly happy to have you in my life. you’re a sweetheart. you’re every sweet-soft-fluffy nickname there is, because honestly? i cannot speak well, or think straight because i don’t think words can describe how lucky i am to have you. well, i love u, and that’s all i could comprehend <3

@comfortwriting

karis ! you’re honestly one of my fave moots because you never fail to make me so appreciated and loved. your out of the blue messages always make me feel so happy because you’re so wholesome and nice. i’m very, very, glad to have you in my life. thank you for always being there to be my personal therapist and my human diary— who listens to all of my writing ideas, even if i have tons of wips to write. thank you for inspiring me to write again, without you, i would’ve never find my passion for writing again, so thank you, thank you for being the sweetest person there is, i love you ! <3

@krasivayadarling

ANYA ! darling, you are one of the very first mutuals i’ve ever talked to, you’ve welcomed me with open arms when i was new here and i wouldn’t change anything in the world. i’m so glad that you were the first person i’ve ever talked to because you are practically the human form of a squishmallow. don’t question me, you’re my squishmallow. anyways, you’re such a lovely person and i’m very happy to have you in my life, love you ! <3

@cursestothemoon

cHARLY-CHAR !! hehe you are like one of those nice, cool, senior students in school, you never fail to make me so giddy and loved. i’m so happy to have you in my life, and i’m wishing you all the happiness and love in the world because you truly do deserve it, especially when you’ve been nothing but so kind and friendly. pls i feel like crying because i don’t know what i did to deserve you. I BLAME U AND UR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS FOR MAKING ME SOFT >:-( i love you tho <3 — also thank you for that play fighting blurb with fred, i didn’t know that i needed to bite his cute butt until i read it.

@sunflowergirl522

ZOE ZOE ZOE ZOE ZOE ZOE ! I LOVE YOU. i feel so complete when i read your peter fics. i always look forward to them because it’s not everyday you find someone who actually writes him so good, and i know we don’t really interact much, but i feel like i got to know you more through reading your fics. u better trust me when i say that i’ll be your personal hype woman and maxibaby supporter, because i am, and i will forever be ! love u <3

@fives-cup-of-coffee

amelia, you bitch, i love you. to be honest, i've never really expected us to be friends, but ofc, here you are, simping for me and now we're besties. you've been, and still are, so fun to be around with-- only because i get to tease the shit out of you >:-) anyways, thank you for keeping up with my utter bullshit, i'm here for you always, i hope you know that. love ya ! <3

@moonvicake

wAHH-- sasha, hi. pFT JSADHJSAHDJH SORRY BUT PLEASE I LOVE YOU, DID YOU KNOW? it's been so painfully awkward at first because believe me, i'm the most gauche person you'll ever meet if we talk for the first time, but as soon as we grow accustomed to each other, you'd wish that you never spoke to me, because i'm this hot fucking mess, so thank you for keeping up with me. you're one of my favorite mutuals in here. i love you more than puppies and hello kitty pancakes <3

+ my mutuals who’ve been such amazing people, we haven’t talked as much as the tagged moots but i love you all just as equally, you lot mean the world to me, and i’m willing to go on the ends of the earth for all of you <3

@anchoeritic @babyjordy @frankenkyleluvr @ronsbadidea @kc-needs-coffee @nevilles-top @weasleyclaw @sweetnspicysimp @redbullchick @willowbleedsonpaper @weasleysandwheezes @daffodilmoons @incorrectpeterparker @dracosaccount @cedrics-grave @pad-foots @peepeepotter @oldschoolkiddo @spideyspixies @daltonacademia @eunoniaa @love-peachh @george-fabian-weasley @mayonnaise-and-anarchy @darthwheezely @thotbutpurple @l0ttadreamz @daisyyy2516 @prettywhitedoves @band--psycho @widowdays @loveboyhalo @gxtitobxby @fandomvariousness @nothinghcppens (i passed the 50 tags rule, eek— i’m sorry, i love all of you whom i didn’t get to tag, though 🥺)

[luci-cunt]

ALSO DROP YOUR RECS FOR GETTING INTO DSMP FOR MAI AND ALSO FOR THE PEOPLE BC MINE ARE BAD AND NOT HELPFUL

k i’m avoiding like 4 assignments by doing this thank kyou so much but!

HERE’S A MASTERPOST FOR PPL WANTING TO GET INTO DSMP SHIT

lol bc there’s like, so god damned much of it and it’s super overwhelming I don’t blame u for being intimidated. (DISCLAIMER: y’all im not an expert, the only pov’s I really watch are Techno’s, Tommy’s, Tubbo’s, and Fundy’s so take my advice with a grain of salt. Also I’m so sorry but I don’t have the time to put actual links on everything T-T plz forgive)

First of all: I’m separating y’all into squads so listen up and remember your squad bc half the fun of DSMP is curating your own watching experience

PRO squad: you like lore heavy streams that are still fun but have ppl acting more often than not and putting lots of effort into making their characters/ stories complex? You go here. You’re gonna want to stick with Ranboo streams. Wilbur Soot’s also a good option, and Badboyhalo too OH AND Karl!!. 

-Sub categories: 

Kid friendly wholesome: badboyhalo is the most wholesome, rn he’s goin thru a villain arc but he’s still very kid friendly and wholesome Chaotic and angsty: Wilbur’s ur guy, rn he’s doin a ghost arc and it’s angsty as hell but also chaotic as fuck. He’s a fantastic storyteller tho with great lore Angsty but wholesome: Ranboo also an excellent motherfucker who’s puts so much effort into his streams down to specific music/ hidden easter eggs just--everything he’s great Scripted and SLAPPING: Karl’s “Tales from the SMP” FUCK, I think there’s only one ep out rn?? and it takes place in the future of DSMP. 

BUILD squad: you like watching blockmen stack blocks into cool shapes but also want a lil taste of story? Philza Minecraft, and Awesamdude have your back babey. (Tubbo is also kind of on this list but he’s getting his own category)

-Sub categories

Dad vibes but make them bloodthirsty: Philza! He’ll blow up a city cuz it sounds like fun but also says things like “save your money for a house first Tubbo, then think about buying a Ferrari.” Also he’s a fucking incredible builder and he spent 5 years on one hardcore world turnign the end into a giant ocean biomb go watch that video it’s worth it Dad vibes but make them capitalist: Awesamdude!!! He built the most insane prison on the server and he’s adorable

ENTERTAIN ME squad: do you not know basically anything about minecraft and just want to be entertained? You like a bit of lore but not having everything be super serious all the time? Techno, Tubbo, Tommy, and Fundy are the bastards for you

-Sub categories

UNADULTURATED CHAOS but intellectually: Techno. He’s basically a chaos god who has no qualms putting in literally months worth of time and dedication into practically meaninglessly funny goals. Anarchist pig with fashion sense--what’s not to love? Chaos, lore, angst, hilarity: FUNNDDDYYY!!!!! He’s fucking hilarious, also really good at character stuff??? I love him, haven’t watched many of his streams yet but they slap Chill, turn on in the background vibe: Tubbo!!! Literally Tubbo is just so chill until every once in a while he snaps and goes mad scientist it’s great. He’s literally anxiety relief in the form of a 17 year old, 12/10, also will whip out fucking excellent lore skills out of nowhere. I get bored easily by streams: TOMMY!!! This kid honestly has no right being fucking hilarious, he’s a bit abrasive but I promise it grows on you. He’ll make 2 hour long streams seem like 5 minutes and your lungs will be on the verge of collapsing. Also able to kill it with lore.

this was rushed I’m so sorry but I need to go read like four more scholarly essays and take an environmental science quiz on a chapter I never read so wish me luck and enjoy!! <33

(oh also also: if u don’t wanna watch 2hr long streams there’s also TONS of highlight channels on youtube dedicated to posting lore highlights/ funny moments/ etc. DreamSMP Daily is the first one that popped up in my youtube feed but there’s tons and I promise as soon as u start watching dsmp vids they’ll be all over your recommended’s)

k byeee

[carpsurprise]

ooo could you write sam coming out to kent and/or jodi? can be wholesome or angsty, your choice! thank you!

oop; this has been in my inbox for a while thank u for being patient!! but ok i wrote this headcanon style bc brain still not work for regular imagine sorta stuff but!! here u go!! under a read more bc in this kent is a little slow to warm up, and i don’t want that to make anyone upset in passing! overall positive, but just how i think.. kent would act.

but please know, i have not experienced this, so if something is wrong/insensitive, please tell me! 

-okay baseline: they support sam no matter what but.. it’s a bit of a shock and takes a little time

-sam would be super nervous, visibly so... so jodi and kent are already like ?? and ready to comfort him bc they both love him so so much

-he didn’t really sugar coat it and just decided to say it, knowing that bottom line he needs to say it

-i’d say both of them are silent for a moment just because they didn’t expect it?? but jodi is the first to be like “oh, okay. that’s fine, you know we love you” sorta stuff!! 

-kent is a little quiet with a bit more of a confused look than anything, sam sees this but decides to focus on his mother. he’ll tell vincent later, he decides.. or wait to see what kent and jodi say in regards to that

-cus ofc nothings wrong with it, but if it’s an in-depth conversation for when he’s older or just sorta mention it in passing, he’ll wait for his parent’s judgement.

-kent sorta nods and says the same thing as jodi, but the energy is off for a little bit! he still gives sammy a hug and tells him he loves him but it’s still just kinda the... “dad” shock bc it’s not something he really ever considered!

-but more than anything he wants the best for sam, and after a distant couple of days warms back up and apologizes, telling him (once again) he loves and supports him

[casvist]

hello my lovely peaches , *puts my clown wig on bcs i’m shy* i’m back at it again, being a greedy bitch and bringing you my second  and super fake muse, yeva.  remember that part where the darkling’s fake ass pretended to be all nice and wholesome. well, yeva is faker than that. she probably has severe back pain from single handedly carrying all her lies on her back. anyway, i could slander her more but i will probably do that later. if you want to plot please LIKE this post or IM me/message me on discord and i’ll bring some clown shoes and ask for some plotting ( but in.... greedy )

PINTEREST  . PROFILE .    BIO (tba) .  VIKTORIYA.     discor*d     six of hoes🔪#7888

[ yeva zudina ], an [ twenty-eight ] year old grisha in the little palace. she is a [ tidemaker ] and are known in the little palace as the [ mountebank ]. they are known to be [ adaptable ] and [ devious ] and vaguely resemble [ davika hoorne ]. 

( okay my soc ass had to make her grow up in ketterdam i’m sorry )

- before yeva knew that she was a tidemaker, she was what one might call an “ordinary” girl in ketterdam. ( as far as anyone can be ordinary in ketterdam )

- as many people living there, she didn’t really have the best time of her life there. her father, well, he was just a name causing an uncomfortable silence whenever one would mutter it. her mother, she tried her best to survive in that hellhole. although, yeva knew how much her did for her, the only person she really could get close to was her step-sibling. ( a wc i’ll elaborate more on when i’m finally requesting that wc). though not bound by blood, they meant the world to yeva and little yeva felt as if she had to protect her from whatever was lurking in ketterdam’s (shady) alleyways.

- despite of her noble intentions, realistically she wasn’t strong. and how so? no one taught her how to protect herself and she was still a child. however, yeva didn’t want to wait around for nothing. instead, she decided to take matters into her own hands and looking back this idea was really stupid, but she wholeheartedly believed that messign with some other kids would be a brilliant way to improve her combat skills ( all my muses have to be stupid at some point i’m sorry, theyre all dumb)

- of course this plan failed terribly ( and instead she was the one getting her ass beaten  ).  luckily someone witnessed that (comedic) unfortunate scene and helped yeva out. and this somehow became the turning point of her life. yeva, completely awe-struck with the stranger, wanted to know more about him. truth to be told, he didn’t do much and his presence alone somehow scared the kids away ( poor kids almost got into a fight with a grown-ass man) but yeva didn’t really care. turned out he was a drüskelle (retired though (as much as one can), thus he didn’t really have to rely on any grisha “magic”, something yeva really admired.

- long story short, he not only became a mentor to yeva ( who successfully convinced him to show her some “cool” drüskelle tricks) but also a father-figure. yeva really trusted him and his beliefs also became hers. which we might say weren’t exactly grisha friendly. at first she didn’t get why he hated grisha so much, to her they didn’t seem too bad but as time passed his words left a mark.

- however, what actually made her end up despising grisha was a certain incident. as much as this day affected yeva, everything happened within a second. a short moment of exchanged laughter, cruelly disrupted by two grisha. tidemakers ( a cruel twist of irony ) . looking back at it now, yeva figured that these two grisha had a long and unresolved grudge against him ( which wasn’t too surprising with him being a drüskelle) and had their eye on him ever since. 

- to put it briefly, yeva was forced to witness the death of someone whom she considered a father to her. yet, fate couldn’t be more cruel on her and it was also the moment her abilities were triggered , and , of course, she turned out to be a grisha as well. make it worse. a tidemaker.

- skipping over all the formalities (bcs this is getting too long) and luck not really being on her side she was brought to the little palace. her mother wasn’t too surprised and knowing that yeva wouldn’t have a future here at ketterdam, she thought that ravka was far more appealing.

- yeva wasn’t happy of course. not only was she forced to be with the people who she despised she herself was one. at first, she refused to do anything at all, she didn’t mind if she were to be punished for her stuborness. no one knew why she was behaving this way, they just shrugged it off as her being a spoiled brat refusing to be useful. yeva, however, didn’t continue to be like this forever and what happened next surpirsed everyone. suddenly, she was eager to train and improved quickly. all they saw was a hardworking grisha but what they didn’t know was that yeva’s intentions weren’t noble. 

- instead of wasting her time at pitying and hating herself, she realized that she was at the perfect place to learn everything about her ‘enemies’. 

- basically, she has that grand plan of trying to destroy things from within, being the wolf in sheep’s clothing (cutting this short bcs this is getting long again). 

personality

- honestly, as i’ve mentioned before she’s fake. and not in that way where she’ll just pretend to smile and go on with her day, she really goes out her way in acting as if she was the sweetest and kindest girl out there. however, everthing she does serves some purpose. she helps you with some training ? she gives you some advice on a personal matter ? she compliments you on your smile ? lets say she doesn’t do it out of kindness. not when you’re a grisha. of course, she isn’t perfect at keeping this act up all the time.  and if one pays a little more attention to her actions, they can see her facade crumbling. still, where vika is all about being straight-forward and accidentally hurting one’s feeling without meaning it, yeva is all about sugar-coating when she needs to but also deliberately using one’s weakness against them.

traits ( adding some bcs i want to redeem her a little bit but i also don’t respect her so..) 

[+] adaptable, decisive, loyal , observant 

[-] ruthless, doesn’t think through consequences, blindly faithful, intrusive

headcanons

- tba ( but i just had to add that yeva prbly wouldn’t hesitate to push someone from the ship when they’d travel through the shadow fold.)

- every time she must do more than simply tolerating grisha, like saying that they’re great she probably loses one year of her life

- trying to keep her reputation yeva is known to give exceptionally good advice

- as much as she despises that “grisha magic” she believes in things like card reading, fortune telling and is quite faithful to the saints (regardless of being grisha or not)

connections

someone who sees through her (shit) facade and unlike everyone else who perceives yeva as that sweet angel, they find her suspicious and doesn’t trust her.

a grisha who is the complete opposite of what yeva think they are and might as well be someone yeva tolerates and might add that 0.1% of character development 

listen an unrequited love bcs i’m laughing at the idea that someone might fall for her super fake persona and the more time they spend with her they start to realize that it is just an act.

someone who turns for advice to yeva bcs of her reputation

*sneakily puts my step sibling connection here so if u r intreested hmu ;) but i’ll also request it later but rn i’m too lazy*

HONESTLY EVERYTHING i love angsty and dramatic shit, but i’m super open for other ideas bcs my two braincells need that wonderful input and inspo so gimme all the connections PLS !!! *types this in thirsty for all ur wonderful muses*

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Upcoming Requests

As I promised, I’m popping on to post a list of all my requests I’m doing. I know I have asks and messages, but I’m not going to go through them right now, but I appreciate all your support everyone. I’m not tagging people who requested until it’s posted because most of these are anons. Please like and reblog this, just so others are aware of what I’m doing, and comment which pieces you’re looking forward to the most! It’s a LONG list, so I’m adding a read more option. I’m not posting these in any order, that’s just how they’re listed. 

Also check out my writing challenge in my bio!

Requests: 

Bellamy Blake: 

Can you do a Bellamy x reader? which takes place in season 3 with the chips that take away their pain. The reader is going through something and wants to take it but Bellamy stops them? Love your writing and don’t care about the haters! 

Hi! It’s me again. I’ve got this BellamyxReader idea where the reader has become more and more reckless, and when she kills someone she doesn’t even flinch. Everyone’s worried, especially Bellamy. When they get to restrain chipped-Raven and they’re taking shifts to check on her. While it’s the reader’s turn, Raven says something that makes her snap. I have 2 ideas for the end: either the readers goes out and points a gun to her head or she points it to Raven. Either way, Bellamy stops her. (I was thinking that maybe no one knows about it and that the reader’s been keeping it under control with the meds Kane managed to give her before she was sent to earth with the 100 (maybe she could be Kane’s daughter).Then, when Jaha started chipping everyone, ALIE ordered someone to steal her meds and she didn’t really want to tell anyone about the missing meds. She started to go through the maniac phase of it, and people around her (Bellamy, Clarke) started to notice that something was off Then, coming back to my original request lol, Raven told her that they stole their meds to mess with her and you can connect it with the rest of my other request)

Hi there, I was wondering if i could request an angsty/fluffy S5 Bellamy fic based on the song “Hesitate” by the Jonas Brothers? Thank you ☺❤

Is it possible to get a bellamy one-shot or something based on the song “I hate you, I love you” by gnash and olivia o’brien? I’m not really picky (at all) by what the plot is, but I feel like it’s a good song to write a fic about, thanks girlie 💜 ~ Posted!

Okay soooo I have this on my mind for aawhile!Are you able to do a Bellamy Blake x plus size (if you want) reader imagine based on the song “Don’t wanna fall in love” by KYLE… if you want though!

Hi! I have a request What about a Bellamy x Reader based on the song Happy Pills by Weathers?

Would you be willing to do a Bell x Reader based on the song ALARM by Anne-Marie? Maybe something in season 1, but you can decide a different season if it’s easier☺

Your song fics are so goooddddd! Can you PLEASE do one based on If the World was Ending? Its by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels. Can it be a lot of angst and maybe a cute ending if it works? Thank you!!!!!

Hi!! I love your work! I was wondering if you could write a Bellamy x reader based on the song Hot Girl Bummer by blackbear! Thank you ❤️ have a nice day!

Could you maybe do something Season 1 Bellamy where he's tough and lets everybody "do whatever the hell they want" but he's bossier to you and you're a rebellious spirit but he's actually being hard on you because he really really likes you and he doesn't want anything to happen to you (he's bossy in a roundabout way so he makes sure you get dinner and are safe and stuff) and maybe something happens and she gets hurt cause she's mad at him and he admits his feelings for her? Sassy and sweet?

Sirius Black: 

hello! can i request an imagine in which reader is Lucius’ little sister, so she has a bad reputation among the marauders, but on their last year, her and Sirius are supposed to work on a project together so they start spending more time together and he realises that she’s not like her family at all, so they start developing feelings for each other? maybe they even kiss in the end? hehe. thanks!

Hey sweets! I was wondering if I could request a oneshot with young!Sirius please? Something with a lot of mutual pining? Also if the reader could be in Ravenclaw that would be really nice :) Thanks anyways 💓

can i request an extremely fluffy (floof upon floof) and wholesome fic with sirius? :’) thank you

Could you please write a Sirius x reader where the reader is a Gryffindor but is very quiet and cold and Sirius tries to get closer to her?

Hey! I saw that your requests for the marauders were open. I would like to request a Sirius oneshot where he has a crush on reader who is super sassy and will not give him time of the day. He is a bit sad and so maybe James takes it upon himself to get them together? Maybe as a bonus they help July get together too? Thankyou 😍

Hey! How are you? Thanks to Seira I discovered you were writing for the marauders! So I was thinking could you right something on the marauders (Sirius x reader) were it’s full moon and they’re in the muggle world. Moony is stuck in the middle of a village, there is a lot of muggle around him so the reader (who is an animagus too since she’s a marauder) save him but finish hurt by a villager so Sirius protect her and carry her away? I hope it’s understandable and sorry if my English is bad :) 

Barry Allen: 

Hiii! One last request before you close them! Maybe a Barry Allen x reader where the reader has got “dark” powers? I picture her like Billie Eilish in her music video “Bury a Friend”. I don’t know if I explained it clearly 😂

James Potter: 

I really love your works on Harry Potter (basically marauders) Can I request 14, 16, 18, 23, 28 for James Potter. Can reader be Remus' twin sister, a Gryffindor? I I would be really happy to read it. Also if possible can you make a happy ending for it? I trust you can write a perfect fic! Thank you:) (are you still open to this kind of requests?)~ Posted! 

could u maybe work on a lil james potter fic (cus ur reqs for him are open)? one where he's trying so hard to get a girl in the quidditch team (but she's bolder than he is so she tells him she'll only join if he goes on a date w her) i thought it'd be pretty cool... thank u 

I don't know if you are taking one shot requests but if you are, I would like to request a James Potter x reader (different houses, not specified) where they enter a Hogwarts Couples Baking Challenge and they're just having fun. Thanks!

Remus Lupin: 

Hi!!! Could I get a gender neutral!reader x Remus?? Something with mutual pining maybe?? Also I would love if the reader is in hufflepuff!! Thank you!!!

Hey! Can I request a oneshot with Remus where he likes reader who is Lily's best friend and us smarter than her too and is also a prefect? He asks for her help to study and accidentally confesses his feelings at the same time/or confesses during one of their prefect rounds? Thankyou!

can i request some angst for younger remus where it's a couple days after the full moon and he looks for the reader so they can cuddle (they're already dating) and he finds them kissing another guy, and he asks reader why and the readers like "i dont want you anymore, i love this guy, blah blah blah" and he's heart broken but later somehow reader's friend finds out the guy gave them a love potion and fixes it, and reader has to try to explain to Remus that it's what happened but he doesn't (1/2) believe her, and it's all angsty because he's mad at her but in the end he understands or something like that, and i am SO sorry that this is so long, and i love love love your writing~ Posted!

John Murphy: 

 I think 18 by 1D would be such a cute song for Murphy! I saw your requests were open for him (THANK GOD because your writing is incredible!) and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind? Thanks love!

John Murphy with a reader that got her arm or leg or both taken on earth and it’s about her recovering and John helping her. If you can’t do John then sorry for bothering!!

Undecided: 

I wasn't going to ask this because I already requested something (believe me when I say I read the moment I knew lots of times already), but just trying it won't hurt me, right? (right? 😭) I need something based on lover of mine by 5sos it can be bellamy, sirius, james, remus or bucky, whoever you think would fit better. thank you for putting up with my shit 🤧 love you tons - 🍑 (Undecided because I haven’t figured out who to write for yet, I think it might be Bucky)

So this is hella randombut can u do a eli goree x reader ship. Eli played wells on the 100 and mad dog on riverdale btw. Anyway can it be were your also famous actor and played in the 100 and riverdale ect and u guys are playing a game on the jimy falon show and your picking random QUITIONS from a dec of cards abd most of them are things having to fo with ur friend ship (u guys are like bestfriends and everybody ships u2) reader picks random card that says I asked you out would you say yes? (Undecided because my requests aren’t open for Eli and I’ve never written for an actor before, but I kinda wanna write this despite my requests not for him. So idk yet. Question: If I do write this, do you Eli to say yes? and do you want them together? No promises on writing it, but send me an ask and let me know please.)

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Hey dear, I love your work!! Can I ask what's in your inbox? ♥️

One million things, which is why I “officially” closed my requests until I catch up. Unless I have a whim to just do some new prompts 🙃

My muse has sort of been all . . . 

Fluff

may a request for detective baxter and his partner working on a case or something, and she's like a smart-ass, funny, sort of chaotic person and he is super serious and uptight and she is tryin to make him laugh and let loose? idk i just thought about it like she's 🌈🌞🤪🖕and he's 🧠💆🌧😠

Can you do one of Josh Washington and female reader where the reader is Chris’ half-sister, but no one in the group knows so they were really surprised when she first visited (maybe staying with Chris and his family for the holidays ) and met them and Josh falls in love with her. So Josh doesn’t stop bugging Chris about her, like asking everything about her and stuff. And Chris has finally had enough so he sets the two of them up in a date?

May I ask for something about Steve Dibiasi x male reader? Fluff, strangers to friends? They keep meeting at the college's library at random, and although they don't have any classes together they start studying side by side and reader is very quiet, mostly listening to Steve talk. Steve keeps bringing snacks and sharing them with reader who in return gets them both sodas and coffee, and they both start wishing they'd interact more but not sure how to say it to one another. Is this okay?

Elliot alderson x reader where Elliot sees the reader where the reader wants Elliot to meet there friends and it's just kinda sweet and wholesome and crap P.s I fuggin love your writing💗💗💗💗

Can you do an Elliot x reader in the honour of No Time To Die where Elliot slowly gets drunk (not too drunk) on wine while binge watching James Bond films with the reader and makes meta comments about them before he falls asleep.

“Have you ever danced in the rain?” - Elliot - fluff 😊😊

Smut

This is me officially requesting a follow up to “Pretty in Those Beads” something achingly fluffy and sinfully smutty, if you feel so inclined 😜 maybe get creative with the beads?? Go where your muse takes you darling!

I’d love something with Rami or Elliot where you’ve been seeing each other for awhile and every time you think you’re gonna hook up for the first time something interrupts you or life stops your plans. So basically you’re both super frustrated and when you finally sneak away and get some time it’s smutty and amazing....I hope that makes sense, it’s about that build up to the moment!

Could you please do (if it's not to much trouble) Rami Malek smut where him and the reader have to do a sex scene and he gets a boner (sorry this is probably really stupid)

"Don't call me 'princess', asshole" - Snafu (couldn't imagine anyone else calling someone "princess" lol)

"you don't scare me." + "can you take it?" maybe some angsty/intense smut with MM Elliot? Thank u babes you are a gift 🤍

Hey, can I ask for the prompt "anything involving the secretive brushing of fingertips against inner thighs in public spaces" for Steve Dibiasi x male reader please? I realized you almost never wrote for him and I think he's super cute and sweet. Would love to have reader tease him a bit and vice versa :P is this okay? Established relationship where they've been together for a while?

Hi! You're by far my favorite writer for the man himself so I wanted to ask you.. can we plleeasse get a super sweet and passionate morning sex smutty-fluffer with Mr. Washington? Maybe the two of them had a stressful week at work/school or something and they decided to drive up to the lodge to escape by themselves for a long weekend together?? I'm on a massive Josh kick right now, there isn't enough love for him 😫😫

‘Try to stay quiet, understand?’ With detective cutie pants pretty please with sexy things on top 😉

smut prompts 23 and 62 for rami, pretty please!! the smuttier the better ;)“We cant do that here!” “I think thats the first time i’ve heard you moan…it was like a fucking melody.”

Prompt 101. “Please, remind me again why we’re having sex behind a tree?” and 106. “Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip? ‘Cause if you did we’re having sex. Right now.” pleasssseeee. with maybe snafu?? ya that sounds good :)

Hello I'm greedy and I'm sending yet another request.. that picture of Rami going around from his college days has me sweaty. Can you please do a smut about meeting college aged Rami at a heaven and hell party (popular at Evansville) and he brings you back to his dorm.. PLEASE!? 🥰🥵🥵

Angst

Not a day goes by that I don't think about us."- Elliot 🖤 

* * * * *

I’m also still working on a few of my own pieces. 

Thank you, all, for indulging me and for being patient with me 🖤 I do try my best to get to all of your requests. 

[lemonfezt]

as a manga rdear, what do you think of kureno sohma?

oh kureno.

I've been getting a lot of asks on kureno and I was saving it until he comes out coz I think I never mentioned my thoughts on him before except my shigure akito post so I apologize for the little delay....

Well if u looking for non-spoilery, I think kureno deserves to see the world. He plays quite an important role in the manga, specifically one in the sohma and also eventually to tohru. I guess that's my non-spoiler ish thought but if ur looking for a spoilery one, here you go

----SPOILERS-----

Throughout the rereads I had, I initially found myself having mixed feelings for kureno. The first time I read the serieswhen I was a preteen, I was so frustrated with him and thought he was not essential to the series. The second and third reread it became more mild. My fourth reread, I began to understand kureno more and that goes on through the recent reads. I assumed my preteen years was ignorant of how broken kureno is.

I really took pity on kureno after realizing the true nature of his relationship with akito and I got to say the kureno akito shigure plot was one of those arcs that I never thought it would be interesting. I realized how different the teen's relationships (while built with a lot of angst, there was that cute and fluffly way of exploring love) and adult's relationships (for me they're more angsty and literally complicated) were. Those three (kureno, akito and shigure) really proved it. I actually didn't believe the whole kureno being there for akito for pity and not being inlove with her. Pity for sure because of the whole bond thing but I think PARTLY the reason he also stayed was because he liked her (which is canon coz he did have a crush on her). I'm not saying that he was in love with her throughout the whole timeline of their relationship but I think it wanes over the years. You can see how kureno is more and more stoic in a way like he kinda just accepts his fate but he was really unhappy. For me, being with akito really ruined his emotional state and is unhealthy for the both of them.

Despite all this, kureno finding his freedom while being ironically the former bird zodiac was a great story for him. As for his relationship with arisa, I was kinda hoping they meet more than twice like spontaneously coz I thought that would make a lot more sense to me to make the whole insta-love thing more developed but I doubt it would change coz them only meeting twice is importsnt to the plot. And while their relationship is quite wholesome, a huge part of me really wants kureno to be more of himself for a moment. I can't imagine the transition he has to go through from being a bird (where he was kinda free albeit the curse) to being a little awkward and naive on the outside world. Him being in the sohma estate really cut off his wings so I think it's best if he needs more time for himself and u know explore the world he was confined in. Then I guess after 4 or 5 years, he can establish a relationship with arisa. (I'm not gonna mention the age difference coz i still have mixed feelings with it and quite debatable)

Thanks for the ask. Hopefully this also answer my previous asks. ❤

[kachinnate]

these are a few of my faaavorite fics ✨

not that anyone asked for my opinion BUT these are a couple of my… fav deh fics of all time!* they’re all linked to ao3 and i think i have all the authors tagged that i know of that has a tumblr so

*i made this list especially for fics that aren’t, like.. as well known as some of the Popular Fandom Fics, partially bc everyone’s already read them and knows how awesome they are and partially bc otherwise this list would be ten pages long hehe,,, also sorry if you’re seeing this twice, i had to repost bc the links were all broken ?? 

throwing under a readmore bc this is a chunky boy!!!!! keep in mind that these aren’t in any particular order:

in the in-between - chchchchcherrybomb, vinegar-and-glitter (x) [tree bros] – Connor’s turning 27. Evan’s sitting the bar exam. Over and over again. – itsa timeloop au!! i’m not sure if this is a common au or not, but i’ve never read anything else like this before, and ohhhh my god. each chapter is a switch-off from connor’s pov to evan’s pov, and i assume the authors each wrote for one character (?), but oh my god their writing works so well together?? they both have distinct styles and ways of writing but it flows together perfectly,, without spoiling anything, ev and connor’s dynamic in this universe is a lot different to anything else i’ve personally read before, partially because they’re quite a bit older here than in canon (which, while is obviously portrayed, they still are easily recognizable as the characters they are in the musical), and partially because it strays away from the common ‘they’re both misfits/not doing great, but connor is worse for wear and evan has to save him’, which i think is rlly nice.. (also, like, never have i ever considered that evan would want to be a lawyer, but after reading this fic not only am i sold on it but i’m convinced 100% that him being a lawyer could genuinely be fuckin canon) (also also, the evan characterization in this? hands down my favorite out of any fic i’ve ever read tbh) the world building is really incredible too - like, i don’t even want to consider this one a fuckin fic bro because it’s like highkey just this incredible novel?? it also has a completed sequel called it’s always been you (x) that i haven’t finished that takes place after the events of this fic, and so far?? also fucking incredible 15/10 i definitely recommend

lapse - cecropia / @wildflowermonet (x) [tree bros] – “For what it’s worth,” Connor says casually, “I don’t think you should die tonight.” – welcome to another installment of ‘kayla read this and immediately couldn’t think about anything else for a solid consecutive 12 hours’!! evan and connor have really wonderful characterizations in this one too - i’m pretty sure i’ve elaborated on it before but literally my favorite thing is when people actually write evan as more than an anxious kid, and omg this author did that perfectly asfjkdsg - you can see the subtle Growth as he gets more comfortable with connor and jared (and all the other deh characters too bc this fic has a lovely fOUND FAMILY FINISH AT THE END EEE) and it’s just. aaaah. *heart eyes emoji*. it’s set in their senior year, and they form an unsteady friendship and learn to lean on each other and figure out the whole ‘having friends’ thing, midway through evan realizes he’s a-pinin’, it’s just. Great. this fic is relatively new too i think so u def def def should go give it a read and give the author some love!!!!!!!!!!!

to have a friend - demistories / @transanabeth (x) [tree bros] – Pretend to be friends with Connor Murphy, who yells at people and skips class to smoke and pushes people and threw a printer in the second grade, for twenty dollars a week.

Evan closes his hand around the bill and then stuffs it into his pocket.

“I-I’ll do it.” – ok this is one of, if not, the first fic i’ve ever read coming into the fandom, so it of course has a rlly special place in my heart!! it’s a classic ‘fake dating au’, also with switching povs between chapters. connor offers evan 20$ a week to be his fake friend, almost follows through with the events of the musical but doesn’t, finds out about evan’s own attempt, and they just sorta… cope together. it’s a lot of second guessing bc neither of them knows if the other considers the other a friend or not, and ofc when the fake dating part comes in that gets amplified by 10 asdfghj. honestly i think it’s a cooler approach to the fake dating au troupe (the chapter titles are increments of 20$, which honestly is equally cruel as is creative) and is so!! heartwrenching!!! it’s been a while since i’ve read it but i’m pretty sure that i bawled at the twist so >’D

the only thing is that this fic isn’t finished and there isn’t an intention for it to be finished from what i know of(?) - the author included a brief synopsis of the ending to tie loose ends and give a sort of closure to the fic, but that absolutely doesn’t take away from how freaking incredibly written it is and doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a read anyway !! i kept up with it while it was a WIP and honestly every time i got the email notification that it updated i dropped everything to fuckin read that shit 😤😤 when i think of deh fics, this is honestly just one of the first that comes to mind for me just bc it was one of the first ones i’ve read, and it just… was so good that i still think about it months after i read the last chapter safkjasf

no comfort in the truth - @nothingunrealistic (x) [kleinsen] – Like everyone in the world, Evan has the last words his soulmate will ever say to him on his skin.

Evan hears a lot of last words during his senior year. – okay if this were an accurate list i’d literally have every drabble soph has ever written down on here but that is entirely beside the point

literally knowing beforehand that this is a kleinsen fic and then reading the summary, u kno this shit is going to be painful ,, honestly this style is one of my fave fic formats (especially when it comes to writing in the canon deh universe) because like ,, it’s simplistic but works really well as a story-telling method?? not everything has to be perfectly strung together and every day doesn’t have to be written out for it to still convey the same like.. impact as a super long fic would, and honestly writing it in like flashes or snippets makes the build up that much more anticipating? bc again when u write within the events of the musical it’s not like u don’t know what’s going to happen,, u can focus less on worldbuilding bc hey, it’s already done for u, and instead write more indepthly about the topic of the soulmate au!! but uhhh REGARDLESS soph is literally the kleinsen matriarch in my eyes, they always write evan and jared w/ Perfect characterization and dynamics and just Ah! this one is angsty, but it has a v nice and hopeful ending, and i *clutches heart* love,,,

nowhere else i’d rather be:  nosecoffee / @nose-coffee​​ (x) [tree bros] – A fake dating au where they’re next door neighbours, Evan bakes, and Connor’s already a little in love with Evan anyway – this one is a series - the first fic kinda Establishes stuff and the second one gets into the whole fake dating thing!! they live in apartments next to each other, evan bakes for connor, they go campin with connor’s family, it’s just….. rlly sweet and i love it

also, it contains this hilarious bit that i haven’t been able to forget about despite finding this fic months ago:

do me a favour - can your heart rate rise a little? - nosecoffee / @nose-coffee​ (x) [treebros]

an au where the hansen family owns an arcade….. honestly what more can i say?? it’s slowburn and treebros and i p much love everything that nosecoffee has written ever so this is no exception obviously

jared and connor vs. the mortifying ordeal of being known - caswell @techconsigliere , puglebug @puglebug (x) [kleinphy] – Jared is admitted to group therapy following the divorce of his mother from his asshole father. What he doesn’t anticipate is that Connor would be there, too. – THE KLEINPHY CONTENT WE ALL DESERVE BEING PROVIDED TO US BY CJ AND EZRA!!! it’s a one-shot with just enough slowburn to keep you 👀 , jared is working through some stuff and after some fumbling connor is w/ him to help him thru it, the end of this fic has my heart aching the entire way through every time i read it and it’s just… *chefs kiss* (i even drew some fanart for it if you’re ever so inclined)

forever going with the flow, but you’re friction - lizzy_stardust_18 @delightfullyanachronistic​ (x) [band trees] – Zoe knew that of all of the things that her mother had expected from the evening, Evan Hansen showing up at her door with his arms full of her drunken daughter was not one of them. – big bet i wasn’t getting through this list without including fiona’s fics, are u crazy??? BUT this one is set a year (?) after the events of canon, zoe’s at a party and evan finds her, and they talk about stuff n’ things - there’s also a sweet moment in there between zoe and cynthia (in which cynthia is Rightfully Skeptical of evan) which is v wholesome and Refreshing because honestly the murphy parents never get written in a good light and fiona does it ~ perfectly ~. lotsa metaphors. evan and zoe are big dorks. evan is a taylor swift stan. what isn’t there to love

i can’t call you a stranger, but i can’t call you up - lizzy_stardust_18 - @delightfullyanachronistic (x) [kleinsen] – Jared fiddled his thumbs. He wished more than anything that he could move to a different seat, but causing a scene at Heidi Hansen’s wedding reception wasn’t exactly high on his to-do list. Besides, he was an adult. He had a job. He ate ramen only three times a week. He could handle a simple social interaction like a real human being. He was lucky that no one else had found their seats at his table yet. It gave him time to gather his wits about him. He drummed his fingers on the table nervously. – jared and evan are forced to talk after the events of canon via sitting next to each other at heidi’s wedding. they argue a bunch bc jared is still rightfully hurt, they discuss TCP and jared’s treatment of evan over the past couple years, they fight it out and then we learn some jared backstory and then there are tears and it ends on a fluffy + hopeful note!! good shit !!!!

[nctloveclub]

two ghosts

pairing | kim doyoung x reader

prompt | based off ‘two ghosts’ by harry styles | ex lovers!au

genre | angst

words | 1.1k

a/n | idk i just decided to do bulletpoints rather than written ??? but i hope u like it hehe also kinda non idol au ??? but lets just ignore that lmao

so you and doyoung had dated for two years

honestly like ,,,,, you guys were in love

it was such a shocker when everyone found out you broke up bc like ?????

you two were such a power couple and it was unbeELIEVEABLE that you two broke up

but you know shit happens and people grow apart and fall out of love

like your relationship in the beginning was so wholesome but like ,,, time went on and you and doyoung started to slowly grow apart

like you two talked less and you both felt like the spark wasnt there anymore

your break up was mutual and you two decided to keep in touch

but that was a damn lie

doyoung got busier and the two of you didnt even talk anymore honestly

but like it’s been 3 years since you broke up, but like you kept in touch with some of nct’s members

you still somewhat talked to johnny and jaehyun, taeyong occasionally messaged you along with the rest of members

so doyoung’s birthday was coming up and taeyong bEGged you to come out and see them

“its been yEars y/n !!!!!”

“ok and ur point is ???” jkjk you were kinda hesitant but really you missed those boys so much and you reluctantly agreed

but like ever since taeyong invited you, you’ve been feeling out of it ????

like ,,,,, you started thinking about doyoung more and reminiscing

you try and shake it off but you cant help but just hold on to the memories of you and doyoung

like you’d be lying if you said you were the same since the break up

so its the dreaded day and you get ready for doyoung’s birthday party

you dress up nicely and do your hair more fancier then usual

you head out to the venue and like ,,,, its fucking pAckED

you lowkey wish you dont have to bump into doyoung because you dont think you’re emotionally stable for that

like yeah its been a while since you broke up but like you couldn’t help it ????

so you enter the venue with your small gift in hand

and then you immediately meet johnny and he just runs up to you and engulfs you into a hug

“y/n!!!!! you made it !!!!!”

“yes i did but if you keep squeezing me i wont make it >:(“

“oh yeah sorry hehe”

so like bc of johnny’s loud and excited ass he gets the attention of the other nct members and they all rush to you excitedly lmao

so you say your hellos and give them all hugs bc hello ?? youve missed these dorks

and then you find yourself in front of doyoung and you nearly get whiplash

like ,,,, he’s changed so much and he looks so different

of course he looks different its been yEars

but like he looks so much more mature and you cant help but just stare at him

the other boys notice the tension and like slowly leave to give you and doyoung some space

“hey ,,,” you start and you’re just hella nervous

you’re hit with a bunch of emotions but like ,,, it feels off

you give doyoung your gift and he gives you his bunny smile

usually that would make your stomach flip but ,,,, it doesnt

you and doyoung move to somewhere with a little bit more privacy

the two of you find yourself in the kitchen of the venue and doyoung breaks the silence

“how are you?”

its been rough is what you want to say but you just respond with a small “ive been ok, you?”

“ive been really busy lately,,,, but im glad you made it”

the silence is deafening

you and doyoung just stare at each other , the kitchen was kinda dim but you could still make out some of doyoungs features

he wasnt the same

doyoung also observed your appearance, your hair and style was different from what he knew

you were quiet and timid to him now

you were a different person

it was weird ,, standing in the room with doyoung

even though you had so much history together, you felt like total strangers now

the kitchen was dim, only being illuminated by the moonlight shining from the window

you remembered how you and doyoung used to dance in your shared living room, a slow song playing in the background with the moon shining bright

you remembered how it was the small and simple things were enough for you and doyoung and how you were just content with his presence

but it wasnt the same anymore

“do you remember how we used to dance?” you ask , breaking the silence

“yeah, you were a horrible dancer by the way” doyoung laughs at the thought and you give him a look feigning hurt

“well sorry i have two left feet, we all cant be as talented as you” you joke and doyoung laughs at that

it was weird how everything in this moment felt normal and familiar but it wasnt the same

you wanted to tell doyoung how you really felt but you felt tounge tied

you wanted to tell him that you couldnt stop thinking about him and how youve been clinging to past memories but ,,,, you just couldn’t,,,

“you look great by the way,,,” you speak up

doyoung opens his mouth to speak but stops himself

he wanted to tell you that you got even more beautiful

he wanted to tell you that he hasnt been feeling the same since you left

he wanted to tell you that he tried to get over you but couldn’t

but he stopped himself, he couldnt just dump his emotions on you

so he settled for “you look great as well.”

then it was back to square one, silence

a couple moments pass and taeyong enters , calling doyoung out to celebrate

doyoung gives you an apologetic look but you quickly shake your head

“its fine , its your birthday party go mingle” you smile

doyoung gives you one last toothy grin and he moves to hug you

he wraps his arms around you and you just feel warmth

and it feels like home

doyoung pulls away first and you stop yourself from pulling him back in

taeyong and doyoung leave the kitchen and youre left in the poorly lit room

you stare at the moon and fight back a couple of tears

maybe later tonight you could tell doyoung how you feel

but you knew the reality

you both werent who you used to be

you both were ghosts standing in the place of you and doyoung

but maybe one day the stars will allign and you could get back together

but for now all you could do was hold on to past memories and hope that maybe doyoung felt the same way

this wasnt as angsty as i hoped and felt kinda rushed :(( but i hope u like it and feedback is appreciated !!

[rnisa]

How are junkie and roadie when they have a crush on someone?

I’m soooo sorry, these were mad long for no reason!!! Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted.

Junkrat and Roadhog When They’ve Got a Crush 

⭐  NO SPECIFIED PRONOUNS FOR READER ⭐

Junkrat

Junkrat is all smiles, shitty puns, and silly antics up until he realizes that he actually likes this person. Like, likes them likes them. After that he’s a messsssss. 

Legit does a complete 180, if you were cool and chill with this boy before, he’ll suddenly become awkward and clumsy. A little self-conscious.

I’d say that he doesn’t even know he’s whipped, until someone helps and legitimately spells it out for him. 

“Y O U A R E I N L O V E !!!”

Yikes. Soon as he hears that word, he goes into a sort of frenzy. His confident demeanor that he’d had before you is now gone. Suddenly he’s self conscious about his hair, frequently asks everyone else how he smells (the answer usually is, “Not as bad as yesterday.”)

Doesn’t go to Roadhog for help. He can’t go to Roadhog for help! He needs assistance from someone his own age, damnit!

So he goes to Lucio ---

A++ wingman he is, 🅱️less this boy, gives Jamie very wholesome advice like “Y’know just be yourself! ___ obviously likes you now, why you need to change anything?” , “Don’t be so nervous. The worst thing that could happen is ___ doesn’t feel the same, it’s not like they won’t talk to you ever again. Better to ask and say you tried, than go on not knowing what coulda been, right? So go get’em bro!”

...Though Lucio does offer some tips about good cologne and spares a pack of breath mints to keep on hand at all times. Brings up Junkrat’s good qualities and interests, and tries to use that to amp him up, as well as give some date ideas. “Why not take them to see fireworks? They’re basically just fancy explosions!” 

Alright, so he’s done talking to his wingman! Now to talk to his wing woman,

Hana takes him out shopping! “I’m not giving you a makeover!” she giggles. “The point is to find clothes that you’d actually wanna wear! We’re just gonna make you a, uh...cleaner version of you!”

Hana stresses that Junkrat doesn’t need to change, and he shouldn’t, over some crush. Junkrat picks out some new clothes - things he actually likes - and gets just a trim, to chip away at those burnt ends! When it’s all over, he’s still himself, and that’s what’s important. “Stop being so nervous, just like, pretend you don’t even have a crush on them. Just act like everything’s normal - it’s easy peasy!”

If he’s been ignoring you for a while, I’m assuming you’d confront him. When he’s back from his outing, you ask what exactly you did wrong. 

Taking his friends’ advice into account, he apologizes and asks if you’d like to get some boba, since he ran out (he really didn’t)

From here on out, it’s really noticeable that he likes you. He’ll do whatever he can to be close with you; the smallest physical interaction makes his heart flutter. 

Will try to walk on your right side so his real arm is next to you in hopes your hands will accidentally touch. He appreciates how soft your skin is in comparison to his.

Compliments you a lot, but on the weirdest, smallest things. Things you probably don’t even pay attention to.

“Haha! I like when ya laugh so hard that ya can’t breathe. Yer eyes get all funny when they’re scrunched up.”

But really, I’d imagine that having a serious crush for him is easy. He falls in love hard, which makes rejection hard to get over. He goes through different stages: Nervous and uncomfortable , infatuated and confident (fantasizes about life with you as a couple),  and then, perhaps spiraling into a bout of depression and doubt.

Not to get all angsty and sad but I can see him switching on and off, feeling like, “Yeah! O’course ___ likes me too! How could they not?!” to, “I’m out of ____’s league. I can’t. I’m a freak, I ain’t pretty-lookin’, I don’t deserve ____.” and this has to do with me feeling like his act is a facade and he’s got brief moments where he snaps back to reality and sees the world for how grim it can truly be, how truly sad of a state he’s in, and how terrible his hometown came to be. Yikes. 

Luckily, he ‘s got wonderful friends to show him love and support. Even if you reject him, so long as you’re still his friend, he’ll be fine.

Roadhog

It’ll take him a while to develop any sort of romantic feelings for anyone, let alone you. It’s a gradual process, but he can only smile once he’s admitted this to himself.

You wouldn’t know it until he told you though, as he’d make moves that are pretty subtle to you - but a very big deal to him. To you, he’s just his normal self. Junkrat of course can sense something different, but he’s not sure what (new haircut?)

He’s surprisingly comfortable and normal around you! The only difference is his change in mood. He’s happier, and finds himself thinking less on the negative aspects of life now that you’re occupying most of his thoughts.

Steals wins a lot of pachimari for you. Know those $200 gigantic Costco teddy bears? Like, that, but a fuckin’ pachimari. 

You’re special. You’ve confided in him on more than enough occasions. He’s an excellent listener, and could listen to you for hours on end, waiting until he hears it all before giving his input.

You’re understanding of him, you ask him questions and actually get more than a sentence out...and he knows why.

He’s crushing on you, and hooo, boy, does he have it bad. He loves it when you grab his hand and drag him off somewhere, usually to show him something. He knows it’s platonic, but it still feels nice.

He likes you because you’re genuine, you make him feel less alone in the world. Even when you two talk about some real shit, like a bad event going on in the world, things get really deep. You talk, he talks, you pick at eachother’s brains. He loves how you know so much and can hold a stimulating conversation.

Overall, he becomes somewhat...lighter when he’s got a crush. Somehow, you make the world seem less bleak, you’re a beacon of hope, you’ve given him so much joy!

For some reason, I could see him perhaps having a conversation with Ana. Not about you, specifically, but rather him wondering what her thoughts are on love, life, and whether or not someone like him is allowed to know such happiness.

For lack of better phrasing, she’s basically like, “Fuck it, yolo.”

Besides Ana, he doesn’t really talk to this about anyone else. Junkrat wouldn’t be much help, there’s a possibility he could make things worse, like spilling the beans! He wouldn’t do it intentionally, Roadhog knows this, but he’d rather be safe than sorry.

After knowing you for a while, he makes the decision to confess. He’s not sure if you feel the same, but he doesn’t care.

Roadhog approaches the situation like, hey, he’s going to die someday anyways. In the grand scheme of things, nothing matters, so why not tell you how he feels?

Eventually, once he gets to a certain level he will take his mask off for you when he confesses. Not upon request, he’d do so on his own will. He’s understanding that someone who wears a mask all the time could be hard to love (unbeknownst to him, you’ve loved him from the start, regardless) and it’s important to him that you see his eyes. It’s crucial for you to know how serious he is. 

I headcanon that his face is very badly burned, and/or scarred. And that doesn’t make him any less handsome. 

If you reject him, it’s alright. He half-expected it, even after knowing you all this time. He doesn’t mind, he didn’t expect much to come of it. He’s just happy he tried, although once it sets in that this will not be going anywhere, it will hurt and take him a while to move on.

If you accept him and his confession, prepare to be pulled into the biggest hug imaginable. From there, he’ll be a bit shy with things like PDA, but once you’ve been together for a while you two will confidently strut around either holding his hand, or him holding you, entirely. Congrats, you now have the most badass and cuddly boyfriend ever. Nobody’s going to fuck with you and everyone’s going to know you’re together ♥