#most miserable girlies in the universe

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

is "and what flavour ice cream" really the only time 13 laughs because that would be Evil

[dtwof]

saying it now folks i’m sorry but i WILL be fighting on the side of thorki in round two

[elsfleur]

⋆·˚ ༘ * COOL ABOUT IT - PART TWO

ellie williams x reader

summary: it was an odd thing to enjoy your work, but with a passion for music and a fling with your coworker the days at the record store seemed bright, until of course you meet her girlfriend.

content warning: i guess it’s angsty, very filthy smut with sub!ellie and dom!reader, mentions of cheating and bad self image, implies of degradation, mentions of masturbation

word count: 1,749 and previous part here

📼 ʾ ⠀

she would come to you in dreams, pale green eyes pointed at you like a weapon, body soft as a menace, reach out towards your face and in tenderness you’d surrender as though you never meant to have walked away in the first place. you’d wake up panting the nights you’d forgive her, you’d shower away the disgust the nights you thought to have felt her tongue– traitor was a dramatic word, but your heart claimed it as ellie’s synonym.

work had become insufferable but you grew into an astoundingly good employee, never at the break room as to not encourage ellie into a conversation, constantly roaming around and chatting up clients with entire discography conversations going as far as escorting them to their car in odd fashion, you appeared sparkling and every glance of your shine that reached ellie’s senses immediately sent her skin on fire. she had been miserable and lazy, escaping from her thoughts only through deafening music as to drown out the distance between you, you too a constant in her nightly affairs, forgiving, beautiful, near.

she melted into the couch imagining it your embrace, let the melody transport her into better times, hated herself for replacing her songs with your laugh as a favourite track, for indulging in temptation through entirely wrong means. she thought herself a symptom of disease, wreckening plague in the lives of those she cherished that once established could only widespread devastation. the idea that perhaps keeping you casual and secret would make it unknown to the universe and therefore not give it the power to ruin it was stupid, once she fully thought it out, but it had been comforting. allowing your affection to fill in the broken cracks of her being as though glueing them together was a sensation she knew selfishly not deserved but craved as a drug addict. you thought she called you her angel as a bit, but she felt it pulsing through her veins.

tears prickled her eyes for the eleventh time that shift, heavy metal not enough. turning the volume down her body rolled sideways and she begged it into slumber for moments of peace.

“wake the fuck up williams we’re mid shift” you cursed taking hold of her headphones and tossing them aside rather agressively, the girl immediately stood up overwhelmed, a scoff being her immediate response to your turned back heading out the room.

“what the fuck? you haven’t spoken to me for fucking weeks those are the first words you say to me since you left this place before i could even explain anything and you just go walking away again?”

“jesus christ, i’m sorry someone woke up cranky from their midday nap but what the fuck else do you even want me to say? oh right i’m sorry, how about how’s your girlfriend?”

“we broke up” ellie stated simply before interruption.

“great! and i suppose you want me to run into your arms straight into a sunset beach now while it rains unicorns and rainbows, isn’t that right?”

“oh my god you are the most insufferable human being i have ever met! i fucking hate you and i hate the way every time we walk to work together you have to stop and pick out a flower at every single bush we walk by and if i don’t put it behind my ear your feelings gets hurt and you have the goofiest smile making fun of me, and i hate the stupid witchy herbs you make me ruin my weed with that makes it taste so girly and like you and i hate the way my mouth memorized your fucking lipgloss to the point i can’t do anything without feeling you on my lips and it drives me fucking insane, i hate your frilly little love songs that only start sounding not so bad by the hundredth listen and i hate that i fucking know the lyrics to taylor swift now and you made me relate to them! i hate your smile and i hate that fruity perfume you wear that always gets stuck to my clothes and i hate the way you looked at me like i’m a good person to the point i almost believed you for a second and and i hate your lame ass sense of humour and how you’re the only one who laughs at my fucking jokes and god worst of all i hate the way i can’t even begin to hate you at all!”

you opened your mouth to reply though not quite sure what words would escape you, but she was quicker, pacing around and heightening her tone in complete desperation that cracked knuckles in soothing.

“no and you know what? yes i fucked up and i cheated on my three year relationship but we were fucking done! we have been done for years! and we haven’t been more done since the day i first laid eyes on you and thought this girl is going to fucking ruin my life! i am worse than a cheater, yes, i’m a coward! because guess what angel, it has always been you. god, it probably has been you since before i even knew you existed and you don’t understand how insane it is to say this because you’re the one who believes the whole soulmate bullshit! i’m a mess and i’m fucked up and i’m too much and still not enough and-“

“ellie” you called out, her eyes finally meeting your own as you felt immersed in the same light green dreams you have ferociously tried to escape from, the pink lips you knew so intimately quivering at your stare as though taunting you to kiss its fear away, you had heard enough for an answer “kneel.”

“what, do you want me to beg for your forgiveness now?” ellie asked ironic though her legs were compliant, lowering themselves till she fell on her knees, running a hand through her messy hair to keep it from falling on her face staring up at you in clear shot.

“take off your shirt” you demanded, watching intently as she lifted up her arms to remove the fabric obeying though deeply confused, her cheeks flushing red with the attention, eyes drifting everywhere except for your face until your hand found the edge of her chin and forced it up to meet your eye “you’ve done enough talking”

“i fucking hate that you lied to me” you started impossibly close to her face “i hate the way you ruined this job for me, i hate that i can’t look at you without feeling sick with desire like a desperate whore pulsating at flashes of skin, i hate that i’m so used to moaning your name that you may aswell have ruined sex for me aswell, and i fucking hate how your little girlfriend kissed you infront of me and doesn’t even know your mouth was sucking on me minutes earlier, take off your pants”

she slowly rose up to detach herself from the jeans squeezing her figure, only to be pushed back down once fully rid of them back onto the ground, you weren’t finished.

“i hate that i can see how wet you are right now, i hate that you have made it so i feel disgusted to touch you, i hate that i still want to do it so fucking bad as if your moans in my ear would erase your dumb mistakes from my memory. just a question, were you fucking her when you were with me too? nevermind that’s silly, of course you were, unless you spent six months making her believe you have gone celibate-“

ellie shook her head hard, gulping down “n-no i didn’t, i told you angel it was a façade relationship all i wanted-“

“shut up. touch yourself” you ordered as she slid a hand under her underwear, lightly rubbing on her clit and silencing own whimpers through biting down her lip “i hate that i have to ask myself if she made you feel good like i did, if she knows your whole dominant archetype is actually just hiding a brat who wanted to be ordered around and fucked so bad, right els? did she get you on her knees for her too, touching yourself to the thought of her before she even took off her clothes? or am i just special?”

“angel” ellie moaned out, inserting a finger into herself.

“does she know about the freckles on your hipbone that look like the gemini constellation? did she see the bite mark i left there last time we fucked? does she know you like it when i spell my name on your pussy with my tongue, has she tried it? do you remember what it feels like to be inside me as opposed to her, remember begging to add more fingers so you could feel my walls closing in on you, remember staying inside even after i came because you wanted to feel the warmth around you, was she warm for you, ellie?” you asked, warm breath hitting her face like a makeout.

“angel, please” she begged embarrassingly.

“please what? use your fucking words since you wanted to have the last one so fucking bad”

“please fuck me” ellie moaned out arching her back with a gasp as you easily slid one of your own fingers inside her alongside hers, the sounds of wetness with your every thrust bordering filthy.

“i hate that i can’t fucking stop dreaming about you, that you’re so fucking wet for me you’re drenched, that i’m thinking after all this making me an idiot i shouldn’t let you cum, how’s that?” you asked curling your fingers inside her which lead to a near pornographic moan escaping past her lips and an aggressive head shook to your words “i hate your stupid lake eyes and how they shine like galaxies, i hate the way you hold my hand to cross the street because you know i get distracted, i hate the way you effortlessly played my favourite song on the guitar although you claimed before to not like it, i hate how badly i want to fuck the attitude out of you until my heart stops hurting about this”

“i’m sorry, my angel, i’m so sorry” she croaked out whimpering, swaying her hips for friction with your fingers every movement making it harder to keep a cleared mind, dizzy in desire “fuck, i’m here now please please let me show you i can be good i want to be yours”

“want?” you chuckled removing your fingers and shoving them by her mouth so she’d taste herself on them, sucking slowly “you are mine, ellie. i just haven’t decided if i’m yours”

[musicalmoritz]

Funniest headcanons?

Okay wow I have so many crack headcanons so prepare yourself. Take every negative thing I’ve ever said abt fanon and throw it out the window, this is about to get so unserious

• Hanako is a fudanshi. This applies to the whole Toilet Gang (except Nene would be called a fujoshi), they’ve got a little book club. Hanako is the most insane about it tho

• Aoi and Akane are a himejoshi/himedanshi couple

• Lemon and Akane smoke weed together on a regular basis (throw back to the time I looked up “slang words for marijuana” for my Terukaneaoi fic and ended up sounding like Skyler White)

• I feel like an average conversation between the Toilet Gang is the most insufferable, out of pocket middle school humor you’ve ever heard in your life. Those four make South Park look like a kids show

• Akane has a random lock of Aoi’s hair on a shelf in his room

• Since the Minamoto father is absent and the mother is dead, Tiara just kind of assumes Teru and Akane are her parents. Instead of correcting her on this, Akane decides to be the dad who stepped up

• Akane is one of those filmbros who does NOT play abt Pulp Fiction (me) (that’s the second time I’ve mentioned that movie in relation to Akane today)

• He’s also the type to ask you to name three Nirvana songs if he catches you wearing one of their shirts and if you even so much as think about saying Smells Like Teen Spirit, he’ll shoot you in the head

• Hanako is lowkey mad Kou and Mitsuba started dating without him

• In the TBHK universe, Mei is the one who drew the Miku Binder Thomas Jefferson image

• Nene writes reader insert fan fiction

• She’s also a BookTok girlie (not one of the really bad ones, just cringy. As in she would unironically love the book boyfriend audio)

• Sakura is rly into disturbing movies and they make Natsuhiko watch them with them just to make him nauseous

• Hanako and Kou jokingly flirt with each other and it makes Mitsuba and Nene genuinely mad. Like Hanako can ruin Mitsuba’s day with a single “I can take your man”

• Yk that one image of Cheryl Blossom wearing an “I ❤️ Boys” shirt? Teru owns that shirt

• Akane is the type of dude to raise his hand during a class discussion and say “I’d like to play the Devil’s Advocate”

• Aoi flirts with waitresses very poorly and it gives Nene severe secondhand embarrassment

• Once a week, Natsuhiko challenges Teru to a fight. She loses every single time

• Nene has one of those traumatic hamster death stories

• Mitsuba’s hair is dyed so whenever he’s being particularly annoying, Tsukasa tells him his roots are showing

• Kou and Nene have had one of those awkward “I have a crush on someone🤭 And it’s someone you know veryyyy well👀” moments

• Sumire used to climb to the highest places she could find to get Hakubo’s attention, and it gave him a mini heart attack each time

• OG Mei had a fursona. It was a dragon

• Yk in Spongebob when Squidward was confirmed to be the most miserable person in all of the Bikini Bottom?? In the TBHK universe that’s Akane except it’s for all of Japan

• Teru has given the “I’m vengeance, I am the knight” speech while exorcizing supernaturals AT LEAST once

• The Minamotos frequently watch Cinderella together bcuz Tiara is obsessed with it, to the point that it’s become Teru and Kou’s favorite movie as well. Teru drags his friends to watch it with him too but Kou refuses to admit he likes it

• Kou chews with his mouth open

• Mitsuba has cheesy romantic fantasies about Kou the same way Nene does about her crushes (I credit this one to one of my TikTok mutuals @/mads)

• Natsuhiko has an ASMR account (just like they do in the Monster Nursery au)

• Tiara doesn’t quite understand the premise of being gay or coming out so every day she congratulates Kou on being bi

• Kou straight up lies to Tiara about things, it’s an older sibling canon event. Teru does the same to Kou. For example I once told my sister you could dilute chocolate milk into regular milk by pouring water in it. And she believed me.

• Despite the fact that Kou’s been friends with them for many years, Teru regularly forgets Yokoo and Satou’s names

• Aoi and Nene’s mothers have a bet on when the two of them will reveal they’re secretly dating

• Mei is one of those ppl who’s allergic to almost everything. You order a plate of shrimp beside her and before it even hits the table she’s like “Keep that FAR away from me”

• Kako was homophobic until meeting Akane. A “I don’t support that lifestyle” kind of homophobe. Before meeting Akane’s baseball bat

• It’s okay tho he supports his bisexual son now!! He goes to pride parades and everything

• Mirai braids Akane’s hair when she’s bored

• Tsuchigomori has never felt the touch of a man

• If you say one bad word about Teru around Kou, you better be prepared for a full monologue. Stan Twitter wishes they could be as dedicated as Kou (Yokoo: I want to kms / Kou: Wait until the next student council election we can’t lose votes)

• To avoid tarnishing her popular girl image by coming off as rude, whenever Aoi wants to leave a conversation with someone she doesn’t like she pretends to faint

• Mitsuba breaks up with Kou every other day

• When Aoi and Nene are having trouble communicating their feelings verbally, they find a wrestling ring and box their feelings out

• Aoi and Nene apply to every job together, they are a package deal

• Kou is the designated bug killer for the Toilet Gang

• Yako can talk to other foxes. But only foxes, no other animals so the power isn’t all that exciting

• Natsuhiko hasn’t picked up on Mitsuba being gay yet so he keeps offering to set him up with girls

• Sakura has been involved in at least (1) unethical psychology experiment in the past. They administered those shocks for Milgram with a completely straight face

• The hands in Mitsuba’s boundary reflect his feelings so every time Kou comes to visit, they jump around him like overexcited dogs

• Tsukasa had a very intense Alvin and the Chipmunks phase

Okay I have homework that’s due in like 2 hours so I’m gonna have to end it there. I hope my terrible sense of humor amused some of you

[napakmahal]

“ Did all this happen because I left?”

Pause girlies because this is actually kinda serious. I just got out of a depressive episode and just really wanted to give the depression girlies a lil treat. Remember: you need other people in your life when you have depression. Make friends not resources. I love y’all (angst)

How can something be so painful yet so numb at the same time? The human brain is one of the most complex systems in the universe, aside from the universe itself. How it can feel so many polar opposite things simoultaniouly, and in that creating an entire civil war within itself. How could the brain, the thing meant to be in charge with your care and wellbeing one day just decide to decrease its own activity and make you miserable? It was the worlds greatest betrayal.

You’d been lying in your bed for the past week, and you might have gotten up twice a day. Once to use the bathroom and the other to get some food and bring it right back to your bed. Everyone said it wasn’t a big deal because you were young and you were probably just in a bad mood because of your hormones. Hormones were evil enough to suction blood from your reproductive organs (usually) once a month, they couldn’t possibly be cruel enough for this.

On your overheated and whirling computer was an endless loop of lousy reality T.V shows you’d watched over and over. There’s been therapists that have said that in these times of depressive episodes, you should revert back to adding some life and movement back into your brain. Which meant doing things like crossword puzzles, working out, math games, and reading 200+ page books. All things that you could totally do and things you liked to do. But not right now. Now all you wanted was junk food and shitty TLC shows. Not some slow burn, or some huge mystery TV show that required you to remember tiny details from the beginning of the season. Reality TV was entertaining, effortless, and on loop but you’d be lying if you said everytime you heard the freaky eaters intro a little more of your brain died.

That’s the funny thing about depression. Because even though you can feel yourself slipping and drowning in total misery, there’s nothing anyone can do to save you. So you get stuck in this endless loop of self detructive behavior hoping that the pain you experience on the outside is enough to kill the thing on the inside.

You were clinically depressed, and nothing nobody did was ever going to change that. But these episodes weren’t always like this. For a while, episodes were bearable. Your ‘friend’ made them better.

You’d known Hiro for a while, meeting him on the downtown bus during sunset on a spring saturday. You thought he was cool, he thought you were pretty. But the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing seemed uncomfortable and the labels meade things weird.

Granted you were each others first kiss. The two of you had tried to convince each other it was just because you got asked out to your eighth grade formal and you wanted to be prepared. It also didn’t help much that the more you described the dude that asked you out, the more Hiro wished he hadn’t skipped all those grades.

You never told anyone about that. Sure you could say it was a one time thing but it was hard to use that as a defense when you’d made out with him because you were bored under the dock near the beach during the summer carnival, and when you were just playing video games in his room, and when you were sitting on the steps of the museum of Japanese artifacts while sharing a soda, and the time you two were at the skatepark after it closed and you two were making out- only except that time he’d taken off his jacket.

Sure you were both fifteen but you watched people make out in the hallways at school everyday. Kissing didn’t seem like this massive thing. Hiro grew up isolated from the true highschool experience, he didn’t know. All he knew was that making out with you was cool and pretending he only did it because he was bored (and not because he would swear on his teen hormones that he loved you) was even cooler.

His aunt and brother had liked to tease you for it, but that’s all it was: teasing. The two of you would never live down the torment you’d likey face if they found out about your “I’m bored, let’s make out” sessions.

Speaking of, your mom didn’t really know you and Hiro were like that. She was only partly sure you liked him and you only thought that because one day after she caught you being particularly smiley that night after having him over to stream a new song she came into your room, played with your hair and said: “So you and Hiro are friends? That’s nice, he’s seems nice. Just, make sure he doesn’t make it worse.”

That was also kind of a silly depression thing: People and their influence could make it worse for you, others, and even themselves. Bad influence already makes bad people, but bad influence on people with depression tends to make them miserable, desperate, and self loathing.

But contrary to what your mom had said, Hiro didn’t make it worse. He made it better and she would soon figure that out after you’d tried texting him multiple times despite knowing he was at an expo outside the city. And he’d respond as fast as he could with the best messages, but when he’d go dead silent for almost ten hours each day it just dampened your mood. You’d kept reminding yourself not to be selfish, that your lack of ability to be happy shouldn’t stop people from living their lives. But from the hours of 7 a.m. - 5 p.m. you were left with no friend and a fat headache.

——————————————————————————

The intro to a show you couldn’t remember the name of played for the tenth time that day, drying out your eyes and causing an endless headache. You were surprised you hadn’t at least gotten a stomach ache from all the Tylenol you’d been taking. Someone knocked at your closed bedroom door before gently opening it.

“Y/n,” Your mom squinted through the darkness of your closed blinds and at the glowing computer screen. “There’s someone here to see you.”

With your back faced to her you couldn’t say anything other than a low, “Oh.”

She left for a bit as you continued to lay there, helpless almost dead. Thinking about death is something everyone does up to a certain extent. Questions like: How will I die? What comes next? Are ghosts real? All normal.

But when you and people like you thought about death it wasn’t like when other people thought about death.

Suddenly, your door creaked open and you didn’t even have the energy to look back but you just knew. Hiro had looked around at your depression room and sighed. He hadn’t even been around you for more than thirty seconds and he already wanted to cry. This was bad- so bad. The boy gently crept up to your bed and sat down. You felt the dent of his body in your mattress and still didn’t move.

“How are you?” His voice was quiet.

You responded barely above a whisper, “Fine.”

“When’s the last time you left this room?”

You didn’t even reply. At that moment, breathing was too much work. Having to think about the air going through your lungs and exhaling it out was a chore.

Hiro leaned over your body and shut the laptop closed before moving it off your head and placing his body in it’s spot. You two were now face to face, laying on your bed like the lovers of valdaro. It was bad this time and everyone knew it. Guilt had been eating him alive since he read the shift in your texts. How could he enjoy himself at this expo while you were there suffering?

“Did all of this happen because I wasn’t here?” He whispered.

You grabbed onto his hand. “No. I’ve always been like this.”

“Do you promise?”

“I swear it.”

“But it’s never been this bad before. If I was here then-”

“You couldn’t have done anything.” You cut him off. “Hiro I’ve been like this all my life. And you shouldn’t feel obligated to hold yourself back because I’m not normal.”

Once while playing around at the park at midnight you told Hiro that a therapist you had said these episodes will wax and wane. In the good there will be bad and in the bad there will be good. But there would never be moment where it would just be good. You’d be this way for the rest of your life, sad, in pain, and left with a feeling of mania and worthlessness. And there was nothing he could do about it.

“Do-” Hiro’s voice started to shake and a tear from my eye scurred across his face. “Do I at least make it any better?’

The thought of making it better by being there would in turn make him feel a little less guilty about not being able to be with you all the time.

For the first time in a week, you gave him a weak smile. No teeth, just lips. Before you leaned forward and gave him a prolonged kiss. In return, he brushed your hair from your face and started petting your head.

“Yes,” You whispered. “You do.”

[beautouslysandy]

reliving those memories we made

i hate him for taking him away from me….sequel

by- sandy

dallas winston x gn!reader

warnings: lowercase intended, happy ending, language

request- I read the sequel to "No Explanation..." and I just NEED a part 3 with a happy ending 😭😭😭 also I love love love your works 😍

word count- 1,386

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

reliving memories is one of the things in life that lead to different outcomes. different people…different memories….different emotions. however with him, there was a universe full of emotions. the most current memories are causing pain. he yet again left you, just with an explanation this time. you were in the kitchen helping your mom with dinner, you guys were making steak and mashed potatoes. you mom had her own little dinner on the north side, it’s called ‘jolene’s eats’. its one of your favorite places in the world, it’s very retro and well your mom. your little sister was in her room doing something that a girly nine year old would do. “so have you talked to dallas recently?” your mom asked with concern as she mashed the potatoes

“not since he came over here when you and avery (your younger sister) were gone…” you say with a sad sigh as you check the steaks in the oven

“hmm, i am sorry babes. breaks up stink.” she says this looking you in the eyes sympathetically

you chuckle sadly and say “yeah this one specifically…”

“maybe he will come around, you never know with those boys.” she comforts with a small smile

you nodded, your front door echoes a knock. you both look at eachother and your mom shrugs as she wasn’t expecting anyone. “avery love, we’re you expecting someone?” your mom calls to your little sister

“nuh uh.” she calls back, it sounds a tad bit muffled due to her yelling through a closed door.

“i’ll will see who it is.” you say and your mom replied with a nod. you feel that hope arise, the same one the day he came over and explained. before you knew it you opened the door to reveal sodapop and johnny…odd combo.

“hey y/n!” sodapop says cheerful as he pulls you into an unexpected hug. you chuckle wholeheartedly, the first time in a while, “hey soda!”

“we miss you!” soda says pulling out of the hug with johnny awkwardly behind him

“same here….hey johnny.” you say with a small smile

“hey y/n” he says with a soft smile

“who is it, babes?” your mom calls from the kitchen

“sodapop and johnny!” you call back

you see your mom step out of the kitchen and wave “hey boys! how are you?” she says and greets them with a comforting and maternal smile

“good!” they both say and soda adds “how about you, ms. l/n?”

“great, honey! thanks!” she says this as she heads back into the kitchen.

“so what brings you by?” you ask with confusion to the unexpected vist

“dallas.” johnny says with a sigh

your eyes widened, “what about him?” you reply with a forced small smile

his name makes your heart hurt…everytime.

“he is miserable without you, like insanely miserable.” sodapop says with a sad smile

“same here.” you say impulsively

“told you.” johnny whispers

“…anyways we were wondering if ohh could come over….maybe rekindle?” sodapop says with a spark of hope in his voice

“i tried and either way he ended it.” you say looking at sodapop with wide eyes

“huh….odd.” sodapop said, clearly thinking that you broke up with him

“i could try…maybe after dinner?” you say feeing bad for some reason

“that would be great! you know where we are, just give us a call first! thanks y/n!” he says with that silly cheerful smile of his.

why couldn’t you like a sweet sensible guy like sodapop? why the cold hearted jerk? no. he isn’t that, he is just like that now?

you nod as they walk away.

••• with sodapop and johnny.

“that went well!” sodapop says as he walks down the sidewalk

“sure. if that’s your definition of well.” he says, he feels angry for some reason.

“what’s the sarcasm for, johnny? i thought you would be happy?” he says looking at johnny bewildered by his sarcasm

“they felt forced to come over…that’s what it is for. they shouldn’t have to make dallas get back to together with them. if anything it should be the other way around. what he did was shitty, really shitty.” johnny says this with a sigh, he was super mad at dallas for doing this, he saw you as a mom. someone who always knew would be there. someone he could confide in. but not anymore, thanks to dallas.

“yeah but…they are still coming over?” sodapop says as he opens the front door to the curtis household.

“who?” darry asked, raising his brow at the two boys

“uhhh….” johnny said

“joe.” sodapop says quickly, none of boys knew what they had just done.

“hmm. joe? who the hell is that?” dallas says with a cold scoul, that’s his only expression recently.

“somebody important.” johnny said, glaring at dallas

“okay!” ponyboy says, not wanting drama between the two boys

“have you talked to y/n recently, dally?” two-bit asked

“no. i don’t care about her.” he lies

“sure man. sure.” steve says looking at dallas with suspicion

“whatever man.” he groans with a grim face

••• you are on the curtis’s porch and debating whether or not to knock. you take a deep breath and decide to knock immediately regretting it when the door opens. then appears a shocked darry.

“hey joe.” he says with a smirk.

you look behind you and that makes darry laugh. you smile. “hey.” you say in your best deep masculine voice.

out of all the boys, darry and johnny were the two you most connected with. you say them as brothers. “what brings you by, joe?” he says with a smile and chuckle, clearly not wanting dallas to know.

you hand him a letter and say “nothing but this, bye darry.” you say with your sweet smile and run to your house before dallas can recognize your voice.

the door closes and darry hands the letter to dallas, who instantly recognizes your handwriting and opens it.

dal,

hey it’s me, i know i know we talked about us but i didn’t get to talk. you mean so much to me and this pains me so much. i wake up crying…..just because you don’t have self esteem it doesn’t mean you get to drop me like i am nothing. you hurt me and i may never get to forgive you but i can get over it. two boys came over (don’t mess with them) and we talked. i was supposed to come inside but i thought a letter might be more appropriate. now i am not going to come a beg for you back (even thought that’s what i want to do), my mom made a good point…you broke up with me which means you need to come back and beg for me

sure you thought your choice through but i don’t think it was the right one….if you want to talk…i am here

lots of love,

your doll

he takes a deep breath as he closes the letter and then runs out to catch up with you who didn’t get to far.

“doll?” he says with a few breaths

you turn and are faced with him, who is super close.

“dal…what are you-“ you begin but are cut off by one of his soft yet passionate kisses

“i got your letter, and i think i made the wrong choice….i need you in my life…i am miserable without you. just miserable.” he says with a whine

“i heard.” you tease with a smirk

he groans “soda? i don’t even have to ask.”

you giggle at the usual sarcastic and tough tall brunette now confessing how miserable he is without you.

“please, doll…let me be yours again. i will never leave your side, again. please be mine.” he says, cupping your cheeks and kissing your nose.

“i have to think abo-“

he kisses you again, and whines like a child. “please, doll. please.” “okay okay, since you asked so nicely.” you giggle at the sight of your brunette.

“good.” he says as he kisses you for a longer and more passionate kiss.

he rests his hands on your waist as you wrap your arms around his neck. you feel at peace and he feels all warm inside.

everything is right. no more need to relive those memories we made, when we can make new ones.

[msmargaretmurry]

i wanted to write some fandom-related new year's reflections down and this felt like the best place for it! i miss livejournal every day!

i don't generally do formal new years' resolutions, mostly because i am always too busy around the new year to really sit down and think and reflect about what they should be and how i would want to measure them, but i do think the new year is a good time for a little mental reset regardless and i have been Pondering over the past few weeks about what i would like that to mean for me...... i have always complained that tumblr as a platform is terrible for making friends and i stand by that (i have met good friends on tumblr but the friendships flourished when we took the conversation elsewhere) but i do think this past year i have been #blessed in obtaining some really lovely mutuals and acquaintances On Here in a way that has made me feel more connected to hrpf fandom at large, which has been really nice ❤ so that is something i would like to continue in 2024. i hesitate to be like "i want to spend more time on tumblr" because i probably do not need to do that lmao but i do maybe want to try to be a little more proactive about making/maintaining connections and loose ties. my dear pal kasper @moregraceful has talked about fandom as community and that always resonates with me, because it can be so easy to feel like you are feeding Content into the Content Machine for people to Consume and honestly that is so miserable! i don't want that! maybe 2024 will be the year i finally post my thoughts on the interminable "bookmarks comments are for readers, not writers" discourse.

anyway. i know a lot of the actual fandom ~conversation these days happens on discord, which is am afraid of, but idk maybe i'll try to have more of an open mind about it this year. but maybe i won't. making no promises to myself there 😂 i am trying to be realistic about how much free time i will have for fandom in the midst of work and grad school and real life social life so i think the upshot here is wanting to be thoughtful and deliberate about how i spend the free time i do have for this stuff.

on the fanfiction front...... i came into 2023 in a pretty shitty mental place about writing, mostly due to how lonely i felt about writing-as-community in 2022 — it's just not fun to feel like your friends are having fun without you about things you thought you'd be included in! — and spent most of the year trying to pull myself out of it, with middling success. like, i enjoyed the head above water ficlets i added to that universe but i do still feel a little crappy that those were the only things i was able to finish writing. i have so many stories i want to get out! so i am also trying to look at this new year as maybe a chance to give myself a clean slate and say that no matter what writing goals i set for myself i will also try to be gentler with myself and focus on enjoying the writing process regardless of the end product. but i would also like to actually finish some real fics this year, lol. i might set some measurable goals, but that will not be happening until i get home next week.

in conclusion, idk what i want this year to be yet! a friend of mine recently mentioned the joys of using the julian calendar for her winter celebrations means the new year isn't until january 14, so the first two weeks of the year get to be kind of a "soft launch" of the year to figure out what works best and i did immediately steal the concept even though i am a gregorian calendar girlie. so i am still pondering, still percolating. if for some reason any of you actually read all this and have your own fandom- or writing-related new year's goals/resolutions, i would love to hear them ❤

[geneeste]

Ok, for the weird writer questions: 2, 7, 10, 16, 27, 35 :D

Thank you so much for these! Such good choices.

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

I would be very sad to give up my keyboard, but I could do it! My very first novella fanfic was written mostly by hand on legal pads and in random notebooks, which I then transcribed when I had access to the family computer. I think I still have those pages saved in a binder in a box somewhere (or at least I hope I do - I'd be heartbroken to have lost it!).

I'm going to answer the second part too just because I wanna -- I'm a pen girly, all the way, even though it's kind of bonkers for someone like me to draft in pen (constantly changing my mind and editing myself as I go). Pencils just don't offer the same atmosphere for me, despite being way more practical.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? Honestly, I think I'm still trying to discover it!

When I was a very young teenager, I wrote like crazy and really wasn't that worried about whether it was good or how it would be received. But then, as often happens, I started to get really self-conscious and perfectionist about anything I wrote, and I sort of skipped learning about the joy of a shitty first draft that you then edit to perfection.

That pressure of writing it perfectly on the first try is so stifling, and it really killed the joy of writing for me to the point that the only time I really truly enjoyed it was when I was 1) intentionally writing bad!fic, or 2) writing while tipsy/drunk. Which, as you can imagine, is neither a healthy relationship with creativity nor with alcohol.

It's getting better, but it's definitely something I'm still struggling with (even at nearly 40!), because on the one hand I love fangirling and I have these characters and ships that I adore, and I have so many headfics that I really do want to share with people. But on the other hand, I'm still learning how to be me as a writer and not be miserable. I love the outcome, so I'm trying to learn to love the process.

So I don't know, honestly! Ask me again in a few years. ;)

10. Has a piece of writing ever "haunted" you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Oh, absolutely, both in funny ways and serious ways.

This happens to me all the time with fic -- there's a line from Ryo Sen and Jo March's A Winning Strategy series from years and years ago that I still quote to myself: "Empty barn. Open Door. Horse very much gone." And @missparker wrote a Sam/Jack kid!fic series that to this day haunts my thoughts because of how good and how tragic it is -- it's just the best kind of unsettling. And there are many more fanfic that just stick in my brain.

And it definitely happens with my own fic, too. I wrote a character death fic back in 2007 that, almost immediately after writing it, I knew I'd have to revisit someday when I was ready to (which I finally did in 2021). And the fic I'm currently working on for the same pairing, I have a whole universe in my head that I'm constantly wandering into, playing with, building out the story and watching how the characters react.

Haunting, to me, is sort of a lovely thing. It might be the afterimage of a poignant or wonderful story, or the promise of story that might someday be. The outline's always there, but it's ephemeral enough that the meaning changes as you do.

16. What's the weirdest thing you've ever used as a bookmark?

Oh boy, this is probably a boring answer. I've used receipts, pamphlets, actual bookmarks, bills. I used an expired driver's license one time. I've started pressing flowers and using those as bookmarks recently. But sadly, I don't think I have a truly interesting makeshift bookmark to speak of. XD

27. Who is the most stressful character you've ever written? Why?

Probably Bones from the eponymous TV show, because she has such a specific voice and personality. And also because she's an iconically neurodivergent character, and I always felt that if she wasn't written with care, it would be very easy to create a caricature that didn't do her justice. It's also probably why I didn't write very many stories in the Bones fandom, because I was never totally confident that I got her character right.

35. What's your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

Ha! Probably that you have to ease readers into things. I tend to be more from the "Fuck it, readers are savvy and they'll figure it out" school of fiction writing. This is certainly easier to do with fanfiction, where most of the world and characters are already known and it's just the circumstances that are new. I haven't written original fiction in ages, but even as a reader it's what I prefer. I don't want to be carefully fed every point of character development or plot twist -- give me the clues and let me tease it out myself.

[saintsenara]

twenty-questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag @mosiva and @ashesandhackles!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

27... for about two more days...

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

332,310. since february. which doesn't feel like it says anything good about me...

3. what fandoms do you write for?

only harry potter, my mind is too chaotic to comprehend others, i fear...

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

one year in every ten - you reprobates love murder mysteries!

bookbinding - you reprobates love rare pairs!

show not your face - you reprobates love filth!

the shack at the end of the lane - you reprobates love grief!

everlasting ink - you reprobates love delphini!

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

in general, yes i (eventually...) reply to every comment i receive.

i am generally not somebody who gets upset by comments (this is something i do for fun! it doesn't deserve the energy of being bothered by people trying to be edgy!) and i also have a principle of trying to give all commenters who appear on my work the benefit of the doubt. a lot of 'bad' comments are often simply poorly-phrased - they are written by someone who is young, or who has never encountered the themes of a fic before, or who is writing in something which isn't their first language, or who is trying to start a conversation but doesn't quite get the tone right - and i can say with certainty that having a commitment to not immediately jumping down those people's throats has led to some genuinely enjoyable conversations.

if someone is just being a cunt though, i will either give a simpering customer service answer - which annoys them and is funny - or i'll delete. life's too short to engage with dickheads.

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's a toss-up between other women and of purer blood, the snow child, or enchanter's nightshade, as should not surprise us, given that either voldemort or merope are main characters in each of them.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

it's one hundred percent, without a doubt bookbinding, but of fics not already mentioned it's probably death (eaters) in paradise.

there's just something about bellamort on a package holiday which cheers me up no end.

8. do you get hate on fics?

every so often - although most people are lovely - and it tends to be so over-the-top as to be camp.

it gets me attention in the group chat as well. i love it.

9. do you write smut? if so what kind?

i do, and i won't stop.

i like everyone having a good time, whatever form that takes - no explicit noncon over here!

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i'm pretty sure that there is literally no way that i have the skill to pull off a well-written crossover and i will never be inclined to test that theory.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, and i love that for me.

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, which is why i've never been found dead hunched over my laptop with a knife sticking out of my back.

i would be appalling to cowrite with - i'm a last-minute, write everything in a tunnel of hyperfocus girly, and this is something which is not conducive to being a good team-player. doing any sort of group work at school or university was something i found utterly miserable, as did everyone who had the misfortune to be stuck with me, and there's no way i'm taking that on voluntarily...

14. what's your all-time favourite ship?

severus snape/lord voldemort, the fandom for which is basically just me and my cat.

i just think they belong together!

15. what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i will drag everything over the line eventually, but the one that looks the most likely to be nerfed at the minute is my james potter/lord voldemort... james is just so ludicrously righteous that he's refusing to follow instructions and fuck the dark lord.

16. what are your writing strengths?

never getting stuck on thinking anything through and following the story where it wants to go.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

never getting stuck on thinking anything through and following the story where it wants to go.

18. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i have, i suppose, technically written an entire fic in a constructed language, so i personally think it slaps as a concept.

and if i ever write seamus, i will absolutely make him a gaeilgeoir.

19. what was the first fandom you wrote for?

a set of harry potter books blink up at me.

sigh... it's always been you.

20. what is your favourite fic you've ever written?

this changes with the weather, so i'll say... nor all that glisters gold. because why not.

[missingrache]

10 fandoms 10 blorbos, very belatedly responding to a tag from lovely @windsweptinred:

1. Bioshock: Mark Meltzer

This man is the subject of my very first post on tumblr, he must be included here, I adore this sad fuck.

2. Homestuck: Diamonds Droog

A toss up between him and Slick. I was and am a Homestuck Intermission girlie and this must be acknowledged.

3. Dragon Age: Justice

I have many many Dragon Age faves and DAO and also Awakening is so so important to me, but Jorstin here is the fellow I have the most distinct and personal opinions about and is, aside from OCs like my Brosca Warden, Avi, the only one I have a strong rp/fic voice for. He’s such a weird and cool dude!

4. DC Comics/Animated Universe: Martian Manhunter/ J’onn J’onzz

My BOY. I love him most in the VERY specific comic pictured above (1988 miniseries that establishes the Martian gods as being flaming horrorterrors, as we see in Sandman w/L’zoril Dream, it’s GOOD SHIT)—but also in general. Criminally under rated and under represented. A sad fuck, a shape shifting horror, a stranger in a strange land, a bereaved parent, Doing His Goddamn Best. AND sometimes a noir detective send up.

Anyway, speaking of comics.

5. Sandman: Dream of the Endless

I am thrilled to be here in the year of our lord 2024 enthusing about and making friends over this scrunkly wet cat that I first encountered and dearly loved in high school. (I am more than halfway through my 30’s now, so it has been A WHILE). I’m counting Sandman and DC as separate affairs, sorry not sorry.

6. Our Flag Means Death: Izzy Hands

Loved him even before S2, fascinated, I want to put him in a jar and shake him but also keep him safe forever. I am a little soured on the show after s2, but I have dressed up as Izzy and would gladly do so again so he belongs here.

7. Supergiant Hades: Achilles

This SPECIFIC version of Achilles, who has died and continued growing through his pain and regrets and who is a surrogate parent to my BOI Zagreus, is. Fascinating. To me. I was so angry at first to find myself liking him as much as I did! It’s masterful how much characterization Supergiant implies with relatively little. He’s coming after Izzy on the list bc I came to them both in similar ways, looking at myself falling in love and going oh my god HIM? Seriously? And being like yup that war criminal there is my son now!!! (And now of course I’m fond of him all across the mythological/classical board, oh my god Hadesgame what have you done.)

8. Star Wars: Alexsandr Kallus

The only space nazi redemption arc I will accept. (Although I am watching Andor with friends right now and three double agent gingers across the begins to suggest a pattern which is very entertaining to me.)

Anyway A+ arc, love this bastard man, love his giant cat husband, single-handedly keeping me invested in Star Wars, hope his gay happy ending never gets messed with.

9. Les Miserables: Inspector Javert

Another character that I went oh my god REALLY??? That Guy??? About. But he’s so /funny/ in the Brick and Stars is lovely enough that I learned how to play barre chords on my guitar Just For That and look. Look. He is a bastard but he is MY bastard and I will read every redeemed!Javert fic that crosses my path forever the end. (Also a side note: Kallus was originally sold to me by @lokivangelist as “space Javert”)

10. The Witcher: Dandelion/Jaskier (all versions, but repping Hexer below because that’s my favorite!!!)

Throwing a curveball for the last slot! I’ve got a sad dad/monochrome aesthetic/loyal right hand/shapeshifting nonhuman/rigid worldview kinda pattern happening above, and my boi here slip slides away from almost all of those. Except for the loyalty. This man is an absolute ride or die for Geralt and I love that about him. He is also an obnoxious fuckboi but I love that too, especially in a story as heavy as the Witcher frequently can be. (My runner up for this fandom was gonna be book!Lambert, who is similarly narratively savvy and good at puncturing the heaviness of a scene without being straight up comic relief.)

There they are! Ten blorbos, I climbed that whole mountain and now I’m heading to bed. (Will tag folks tomorrow perhaps? But also feel free to invite yourself in and do this and say I tagged you if you like, because I am curious what my mutuals and etc . might choose!)

[tache-noire]

you know, i wasn't happy trying to hate CM Punk when i cared about what the Elite Girlies thought about me, and now i'm not happy trying to hate things to impress the Punk Girlies.

There's still things i'm not happy about in AEW right now, but i can never think about it while i'm actually watching, because i just love wrestling. I love the wrestlers that I love regardless of what side they're on. and both sides kind of suck, honestly! if you're SOLELY on one side or the other, it's annoying no matter what.

Elite Girlies are too fluffy soft booboo babytime and invoke Bidoof's Law at every turn. It's like the Steven Universe fandom. Nice and friendshippy on top but then its fuckin toxic underneath.

Punk Girlies are too serious and miserable and think that only the most serious wrestling is important. They're obsessed with technical skill and think they're above theater and camp. They think hating popular things makes them cooler.

both suck! i dont feel like being on either side anymore.

i still want CM Punk back and i'm still sad about what's become of Collision, but I also love The Dark Order, and The Righteous, and The Iron Savages, and I'm happy to see them!

fuck you!

i will have fun even if i'm having fun the wrong way! I didn't get into wrestling because I love sports, i HATE sports! I'm just very passionate about homoerotic violence, drama, camp, and silly costumes and gimmicks! all of those things are more important than whether or not someone is "good" at wrestling, to me!

[wildernessuntothemselves]

This chapter truly shed more light to how gyu is as an individual. Before I used to think yes he cares for her and loves n what not, until now, I don't think that. This has always been about him and himself only, his needs and wants regardless, claiming he cares for her yet does the most disgusting acts with her. He's manipulated her all his life so ofc she'd be super attached to him. He made this all happen knowing she'd always stick with him even thru these diabolical acts. His inner being is insanely messed up like there's no help for it except dying 😭

The scene when he pulled the dagger telling her to kill him off, was such a selfish move to make. The smut scenes were so hot though lmao but toward the last one, when she allows him to treat her the way he wanted, idk I felt some way 🥲 I feel like she truly realised or atleast aware of how this was probably never about her but him and his wants. Like it fully hit her here idk. I know oc isn't the best person either but gyu is next level crazy. When he said "ready to be my queen?" After committing atrocious things, makes you think, was becoming a queen really worth it?

"Gonna give you everything you wished for" did she really wish for this all to happen gyu? Maybe she did, but never in the way that everything is happening right now. I really liked all the dialogues during the last smut scene, gyu saying all these things but do they even hold any meanings? Is this what happens when you wish for something? Ruining yourself and others along?

Idk I really loved the way you wrote this smut scene out. Gyu just loving to always act like hes right and treating her so good, taking these fucked up decisions for her just to say he's doing it because he loves her. So selfish for real. Does the crown even hold any value for her at this point?

Another part of her is happy hes always there for her and would do anything. But everything is truly done for himself, through the start and finish. 

The way when he said "you're no angel" part like wowww. That sentence hit, amazing work and dialogues babe💙💙

whether what he has for her could be called love is something that will always be contested i think. personally i do think that he loves her even if that love is sick and twisted but i also agree with the people who don't consider it to be love. most of all, the deadly sin of both characters (oc and gyu) is selfishness. he loves her but it's a selfish kind of love. he believes that he is entitled to her and that only he deserves to be with her. it doesn't matter if she is miserable in the process (yes it will make him sad and he gets upset about it like what happened after the rape scene but it's never enough for him to change his ways) or how much it hurts her. he will find a way to manipulate her into believing it's for the best and he will use the love she has for him to do so

"The scene when he pulled the dagger telling her to kill him off, was such a selfish move to make." that's true but also girlie really needed to make a decision. he's right, she can't keep wanting to save both. she has to choose.

"I feel like she truly realised or atleast aware of how this was probably never about her but him and his wants. Like it fully hit her here idk." you're right and that will become extremely apparent to oc in the next chapter. but as always gyu will find a way to turn things in his favor :')

"did she really wish for this all to happen gyu? Maybe she did, but never in the way that everything is happening right now." beomgyu really took the saying be careful what you wish for too literally lmao. in a way beomgyu is the manifestation of the gods punishing oc for her greed. it's unfair because the odds were stacked against her from the start (gyu already had her controlled before she even realized it) but the gods in the yamqn universe are not exactly fair. but be careful gyu, you time may come too.

"Gyu just loving to always act like hes right and treating her so good, taking these fucked up decisions for her just to say he's doing it because he loves her." that's how abuser operate. they blame you for their own actions. i did this for you. you made me do this. if you had just listened, none of this would've happened. it's so effective that some of the readers are even calling oc selfish for trying to get away from gyu

oc never had any real power in life. all she had is the illusion of power through beomgyu or power through doing things for tae that she didn't want to do. either way it wasn't her own power and so it's natural for her to latch onto the tiny but of power she gets from having beomgyu grovel for her

[aarushiiii-14]

Since I am starting this new venture, I thought I'd introduce myself first.

Hi I am Aarushi and I am a literature student (I obviously have to mention this). My love for reading and writing started when I was little. I was in first grade when I bought my first book in the scholastic book fair that my school held every year. I saw a section on horror short stories and it intrigued me- My father and sister have cultivated a deep fascination for all things horror by making me watch horror movies all day long (it sounds terrible but I actually quite enjoyed it).

So I picked up Goosebumps by R.L. Stine because it was the only familiar book to me (thanks to Nickelodeon). I went home and read the entire thing in maybe two days and it was clear to me that this would become my new obsession. So, I started reading other horror stories. From Bones to Magic Mirror- I read them all. And then I really got into reading all the stories in my course books. It didn't matter to me whether I loved them or hated them, I just loved to read them. I think I loved how reading a book gave me a different perspective, a new friend, and a good story.

Soon, I started writing short stories. I would take sheets from my father's study and write incoherent, poorly-worded stories about anything and everything. I once wrote a story about a prince in search of a golden-bird with magical powers to make him even richer. I don't know how I ended the story but I must've taken inspiration from all the "Panchatantra" stories that I read during that time.

I grew up and I got scared of writing. Not that I couldn't write good stories, or I developed imposter syndrome; I just felt like there was no use of writing stories because there is no way in hell would I be able to make a career out of it. Yes, as a seventh grader, my biggest problem was thinking I should be studying Science and try to excel in that ( Spoiler alert- I didn't excel in Science). Nobody pressured me into abandoning writing, on the contrary- my father forced me to write more. I just overthought a lot and realized how darn hard it would be for me to ace in this field. And I saw all my teachers and everybody in my school only value and prioritize subjects like Science and Math. So that is what I did. I stopped writing and I started learning laws of motions and electricity and what have you.

I joined a coaching institute to really channel my STEM girly energy but oh God did I fail miserably. I hated it, I hated my teachers, I hated the friends I made, I didn't like how toxic that field was ( and how it is still exactly the same- five years later). So I left that coaching institute (after they bullied my mother on call for letting me take a bad decision) and I landed into the field of Commerce.

I chose Commerce in 11th grade and it was not a random decision at all (despite what people think). It was a very strategic decision that was made after coming up with many a pro-con lists. In my brain I thought, Commerce is how I will learn business and business skills are what I need to be a successful writer, so I took Commerce and I loved it. But I didn't let it stray me away from what I wanted to do the most- become a writer.

I wanted to pursue a degree in English Literature, so I filled all my preference for English Honours in Delhi University because that is where I wanted to be and that is exactly where I am right now.

I am grateful for making wise decisions in my life (so far) and I know the future is uncertain but I know I will be happy as long as I am doing what I love.

Love,

Aarushi

[elk96]

~So New~

This is a story inspired by Cillian Murphy's ( I suppose) song "So New".

Warnings: Sad af, doesn't make sense, english is not my first language.

Word Count: 599

Please like and comment if you'd like, I'd appreciate it very very much.

The park was empty, just like the sky was empty of clouds. The air carried along with it all the leaves that hadn't been soaked from the rain. A distant noise came from the road, muffling the voises of the pedestrians. And in the miserable autumn fog the world seems to have stopped. I was wwalking with my hands in my pockets, eyes that did not see. I walked and walked for a destination unknown. Maybe to find her. Maybe I was walking to meet her for one, last time.

      The sun was shining on her hair, illuminating her eyes. Her lips curled up on a slight smile as she waved her friends goodbye. Laughs, teasing, girly voices. And then the courtyard fell empty, and the doors of the University closed, scratching the floor. Now it was just the two of us, glancing at each other in secret, before she, found the courage to come up to me, sit by me. She looked at me, my heart flattered. She had wrinkles on her face, and stains of tears and a little hopeful smile.  I leanded on her, crossed my hand aroung her waist, her head resting on my shoulder.

"It's cold out here", she'd said.

"It is".

"Who are you waiting for then?"

"You".

At that she's lifted her head to look at me, searching with empty eyes.

"You'll have to wait for a long time"

"I'll wait for as long as I have to"

  The clock then, had struck twelve, like it does now, the slow jingle fading away slowly.

I reach the fountain. The marble has started to turn green from the water drops. The low muffle of the water reminds me of the rain's touching my skin. I sit on a bench and lay back, my head tilted to the sky.

The island boat was slowly crossing the lake, almost empty of tourists. Once again like every time I was with her, time seemed to have stopped, to have savoured a moment, one moment only to take in the view from the hill. The Monkeys were playing on the radio, and she was murmuring the lyrics, her fingers entwined with mine.

"I want to run away from here"

"Where do you wanna go"?

"I don't know. Away from here. Will you come with me"?

I had nodded silently.

"Will you come with me now"?

I stood up taking the radio with me, my right arm warm against her palm. We walked, we walked a lot. Even when the weak raindrops started hitting on the  concrete. We walked and talked, talked about the future, the past, memories we cherished or would rather forget.

The hours went by, dusk arrived, the sky painted with the most beautiful colours mild and ethereal like her own beauty. I turned to say farewell to her, a last goodbye. . A smile crawled to her lips and lightened her face, but it was stolen away from her. It was gone, along with the sunlight.

  I take another lookat the photograph before I hide it away in the pocket of my coat. I close my eyes and recall our last dance, in my apartment. I didn't know it back then, but it was the last moment we would ever have together. And it was beautiful, so, so beautiful.

I miss you, I miss you so much. I tried, but I can't and I'm tired of trying anymore. I look at your photograph and I feel you close to me again. But you're not here, because I'm on my own now. And you are away.

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

[loveatfirstwriteblog]

A Complete Analysis of Harry Potter

Like a lot of kids, we probably grew up on Harry potter. We were obsessed and rightly so. The universe created in the world of Harry Potter was, and is, a hugely successful one because of the fact it gave kids a world where magic exists! It seemed to be a great world to live in and it made even better with the fact that it included elements of empowerment, Whether it be showing girls can be just as successful if not more in various pursuits(Hermione), or the fact that even if you have a history of bad events, you can have a good heart(Hagrid), Harry Potter teaches us a lot.

JKR has written a mind-blowing plot in a world of magic, wizards, witches, wands, potions, friendship, love. Our inner-five-year olds--and actually most of our young adult selves too--jumps around excitedly at the beautifully penned words that creates an exit out of this world and into one where magic does exist. 

As you get older, though, you begin to think of Harry Potter in a more critical fashion. The thought of “oh my god, it’s magic” no longer completely overrides my mind, but more of “but what are the laws regarding this? Can people just do this whenever they want? Are there no ethics?” 

No matter how much we’re going to expose the flaws and plot holes in HP now, we’ll always love the books--we grew up on them! But some things just niggle you as you get older, and that’s what we’re going to be focusing on in this post.

Something I adore about the HP books is that everyone, including the “good guys”, has flaws. Harry has a “save the world alone, do first, think later” complex, a driving force that makes him go save Sirius, Ron is very, very insecure to a point where he ditches Harry twice, probably when Harry needed him the most, Hermione is a judgemental, narrow-minded nag (her thoughts on Luna, divination, Trelawney, basically anything that doesn’t fit her black and white world), Molly Weasley is misogynistic and blatantly favourites her children—probably being one of the main factors behind Ron’s insecurities, Arthur is condescending towards Muggles and makes several comments you cringe at while reading the books as a young adult/adult, Sirius, Snape, and Lupin still haven’t let go of their childhood grudges and hatred, etc etc etc. 

These flaws are what make these characters so three-dimensional, so layered, so human. But the problem was, most of these flaws are never intentionally acknowledged. And honestly, that could have been such a good character arc, because the main characters are mostly students. No student is the same through their teenage years—they change, they evolve, they get over their flaws, they try to better themselves. I would have loved to see Ron becoming his own person, Hermione opening her mind up a little, etc. 

Neville is not one of my favourites, but I love his growth and development, from someone who was scared of his potions professor to a man who faced down Lord Voldemort. Ginny Weasley could have had character development, from the trauma she went through in second year, but that was never written in.  She went through this terrifying ordeal when she was only twelve years old, and jump to a year or two later and she’s absolutely fine, with no transition from her trauma whatsoever.

Some of JKR’s characters are brilliantly written and fleshed out, but some of her others lack the structure and complexity that usually comes with being vital to the plot—Ginny Weasley for one. Her internalised misogyny also plays a huge part in the way her female characters are written. We see this again in the case of how she wrote the character of Ginny. 

Ginny Weasley is not a favourite of ours (if you don’t know that by now). She feels a lot like a convenient male daydream—when she waits for Harry to notice her by dating other guys, gets annoyed by Hermione “not knowing quidditch”, etc etc—and fits the “not like other girls” archetype too much, almost like she was made for it (hint hint). She’s portrayed to be strong-willed, spunky, and independent, and I love the idea, but I really don’t see it. To me, she’s a very shallow character, the least fleshed out one. 

Just like James Potter wasn’t necessarily redeemed just because JKR said he was, and Ginny isn’t interesting just because JKR writes that she is. 

Hermione also fits the archetype, but she’s JKR’s self-insert, so we really can’t say much about that. 

To make things worse, Ginny and Hermione are pitted against each other in a very subtle way. Ginny is the sporty, pretty, flirty girl who’s never single from book 4. Hermione is the not-conventionally-attractive, nerdy girl who’s had a few dates here and there but never a relationship. They’re very different characters (the only thing they have in common is the archetype) but they’re against each other in the defence of Harry. 

Another place where JKR’s misogyny shows up is the way other girls are written. Lavender Brown is shown as vapid and immature, just because she likes clothes and boys and didn’t know how to handle her first relationship. Cho Chang is perceived as shallow because she’s emotional. Pansy Parkinson is seen to be throwing herself at Draco Malfoy. The Weasleys hated Fleur because she was beautiful and sexy and French, and that was ever really resolved in the end (Molly accepted her, but we never got Ginny’s and Hermione’s opinions again). You see where we’re getting at? The typical “girly girls” are portrayed as insipid, shallow, emotional, and boring, while girls like Hermione and Ginny are seen to be fun and multilayered. 

The problems with Harry Potter don’t just stop with non-fleshed out characters. There are plot devices that go unacknowledged, issues like blood purity—which is the basis of Voldemort’s tyranny—are never really resolved, huge Chekhov’s guns that aren’t fired. 

A common misconception, which if cleared up could probably expose a load of problems in wizarding society by itself, is that the wizarding world is racist. It’s not racist. Muggles and Muggleborns are not a different race, they’re a different class, at least according to pureblood wizards. Mudblood is a classist insult (a direct reference to nobility blueblood and aristocracy).

Another factor that wasn’t talked about but made the HP world so complex and realistic is the inherent classism in every single pureblooded wizard, including the Weasleys.

 The “Light” wizards all operate on the notion “at least I don’t kill or torture Muggles”. The Weasleys refuse to talk about Molly’s squib cousin who’s an accountant, the Longbottoms were so desperate for Neville to not be a squib they nearly killed him trying to force magic out of him, Ron makes fun of Filch for being a squib, thinks house-elves are beneath him, and confounds his driving instructor in his mid-thirties, the ministry workers kept obliviating that muggle at the quidditch World Cup, etc. 

This could have been a metaphor for how small prejudices and microaggressions (kind of the wizarding equivalent of white privilege) enable discrimination and murder, if JKR had actually acknowledged it. 

The parallel to Nazi Germany is very twisted and definitely shouldn’t be taken too far, but the Nazi ideology grew on the basis of everyday antisemitism, “that’s not that bad” little things. Voldemort’s circle and army grew because the wizard superiority complex festered and blew up in some people, egged on by a deeply classist society. 

Ultimately, Harry Potter has very, very shoddy worldbuilding, the kind of worldbuilding that’s obsessed with answering the “what” of the wizarding world, rather than the “how” or the “why”, which is strange, considering that fantasy or dystopian-era novels’ driving plots and conflicts are usually answering the questions the worldbuilding raises--The Hunger Games and The Shadowhunter Chronicles are two of the best examples of brilliantly written YA fantasy and dystopian novels. 

In HP, however, the main plot just avoids the questions the worldbuilding brings up like the bubonic plague. 

Voldemort’s agenda is built on prejudice towards Muggles and Muggleborns, but the plot just validates the negative perception of them—at the end of the day, being a wizard is what’s special. The Statute of Secrecy is the foundation of the main concept—blood supremacists believe wizards shouldn’t be hidden away—but only vague, barely-there answers are given to why it exists (a Chekhov’s gun that was never fired). 

There are love potions that function like date rape drugs (even Harry was given one by a girl who wanted him to ask her out), potions that force people to tell the truth, potions that literally let you disguise yourself as another person, but the ethics are never talked about, and the laws are so lax that three twelve-year-olds broke them and were never caught. 

But at the same time, the worldbuilding is so authentic, because it transforms the wizarding world into straight-up fridge horror. The everyday horrors are just accepted and rolled with. A corrupt government, constant obliviation of Muggles, slavery that isn’t even talked about. These things aren’t obvious to us as readers, or to the wizards as characters, because they match up to the real world, which is filled with things that are horrifying if you dig deeper. The multiple, normalised forms of abuse, police brutality, the violence in prisons that nothing is done about, the glaringly obvious cultural problems we have with consent, etc. 

The abusive authoritative figures in HP, like Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Dumbledore, Umbridge, etc, are so authentic because real-life politicians and people in high places of power behave that way, and their abuse is excused. 

The wizarding world is just like the real world. Corrupt, prejudiced, messed up, but if you’re privileged, or at least have certain privileges, you’re probably not going to notice. The ultimate problem is that the plot doesn’t acknowledge a lot of fridge horror things are messed up either, which is why it miserably fails.