#more obvious than oryms feelings

[screechingfromthevoid]

Orym is giving very "I have fallen in love again and that feels like a betrayal to my dead husband" energy.

He's also giving "I care so much about my friends and I have to protect them but the love I have for one is so strong that it's distracting me AND it's not fair to the others"

Like there is so much love contained in the Orym and also so much guilt.

[siensapsap]

C3 E95 SPOILERS AHEAD

An interesting point that I haven't seen anyone make (yet) (I could have missed it) is that Delilah wants Laudna to blame the trauma of her dieing on the sword.

Everyone was hurt by that sword, and that means two things.

1) Orym should have asked before starting to carry it for himself.

2) Laudna should have asked instead of trying to steal it for herself.

Now, for Orym the reasons are kind of obvious as to why he felt like he could take it. It has taken two more people from him than from the others, and I think part of him saw it as carrying the burden of the sword for the entire party. He still should have asked, but he wasn't being unreasonable.

(I don't think Laudna was either from her perspective, but hear me out for a sec.)

Now, why would Laudna feel like she had the right to take the sword for herself without consulting anyone? How does she feel more entitled to it than the others?

I think she connected the added pain from what happened to her after dieing to that sword. And I think that's a combination of a coping mechanism and Delilah playing into that.

Because from Laudna's perspective it's a lot easier to blame the sword for that pain than to have to deal with the fact that it was the person that's still living in your head. It's a lot easier to blame the sword than to accept that your abuser can still hurt you and you have no control over that.

And from Delilah's perspective isn't it a golden opportunity to both shift the blame for that trauma off herself and drive a wedge between Laudna and the party at the same time?

The sword did not hurt Laudna worse than it did Fearne or Orym, but Delilah did. Delilah forced her to live through that nightmare, Delilah refused to let her rest in peace, Delilah is the real problem, not the sword.

This goes for the entire night, btw. Laudna should have asked, but Delilah would never let that happen. That would have meant stronger communication and bonds with her friends, and that would make Laudna less vulnerable to Delilah's manipulation. So she poked and prodded until Laudna couldn't think clearly anymore.

I just think that framing it as if the sword has hurt Laudna worse because she wasn't resurrected immediately is exactly what Delilah would want.

Just like framing this as a Laudna vs Orym thing, instead of Delilah causing problems, is exactly what Delilah would want.

Fuck Delilah.

[cringefaecompilation]

DORIAN STORM, ROBBIE DAYMOND, AND THE CRITICAL ROLE FANDOM

because some people don’t know how to act when a piece of collaborative media they like starts getting people of color to add to it. a good amount of this are things I’ve already discussed on my blog, so if you’ve been following me for a while, consider this a more polished version of my complaining. obvious content warnings for racism, with explicit focus on whitewashing, pinkwashing, and cultural assimilation.

quick note before we start: we’re talking about racism, not how annoying you think xyz white character is or how much you want to punt all xyz shippers into a fire. keep your comments focused on dorian himself; it feels counterproductive when conversations about the racism experienced by actors of color and the fictional characters they play snowballs into shitting on fictional white characters and completely ignoring the former.

with all that said, let’s begin.

if you’re reading this, there’s a strong possibility that you already know who dorian storm is, but just in case if you don’t, i’ll give you a quick rundown.

dorian storm is an air genasi bard from campaign 3 of critical role. he made his debut a few months before the third campaign official started in what was meant to be an anthology series on the channel: exandria unlimited. after eight episodes in that series, a short 14 episode run establishing the new campaign, and two more episodes in a sequel to the first anthology, dorian remained largely out of focus for the remainder of the campaign up until episode 92 whereupon he returned and rejoined his party for the third act climax.

while he’s generally beloved, most of his fans haven’t seen or acknowledged his debut, and have only watched the main series campaign. it’s a shame, given how little he’s given to do in the main campaign asides reconnect with his elder brother cyrus. most of his characterization is found in the anthologies and gets built upon when he comes back, so the fandom’s aversion to watching it means they’re missing out on a lot of what robbie’s established for dorian. the more i thought about this aversion, the more it hit me as to why people might be put off it. for such a beloved fandom character, most fans have completely forgotten that exandria unlimited was largely dorian’s story, with opal picking up the slack whenever he took a break from being in the spotlight. by comparison, fearne, orym, and dariax had minimal screentime and vaguer backstory setup. 

dorian and opal taking up the vast swath of story in makes sense for two reasons: robbie and aimee were completely new to the hobby! let the new guys have their fun instead of letting the professionals try to backseat drive the story! the second reason is that ashley johnson, liam o’brien, and matthew mercer are 100% going to return to critical role. it’s their jobs! so they can stand to fight over the same 15 minutes of screentime where aimee and robbie have their fun in the spotlight. even not-so-new kid anjali bhimani got a massive swath of her storyline and backstory established despite only appearing for half the first mini-series!

the same thing happened with calamity, where the plot was primarily moved by aabria and luis. sadly, lou did not get to add as much as them (or the rest of the cast imo) but brennan understood not to give marisha, travis, and sam special attention because they’re always there.

and if we’re talking about calamity, there’s another thing we’ve got to talk about. why is the pre-campaign three series that is predominantly played and dm’d by people of color, treated as more expendable than the pre-history avalir series despite involving three fandom-beloved characters and two fandom-beloved ships? how come people complained about an episode and a half being dm’d by aabria because “they weren’t warned ahead of time” but were fine with brennan taking over critical role for an entire month when there was equally zero “warning” for him to do so? and thinking harder, i suppose i came up with our thesis question.

do people even really like dorian?

DORIAN/ROBBIE BASHING

edit: robbie pulled a pro gamer move and this section is now somewhat inaccurate. see here for an explanation.

since dorian’s vocal haters aren’t as numerous as his vocal fans, i’ll go through this part quickly.

i understand that any character can be grating to anyone for any reason, but some of their insults and insistences about dorian and robbie tend to get a bit loaded. we’re not racist! we just think robbie daymond is just uniquely annoying with crosstalk and his character’s backstory doesn’t mesh with the story the campaign is trying to tell! he’s not a real member of the group because he wasn’t there for all their important moments! he should just die offscreen so they’ll shut up about him already! the only reason people want him back is because they’re rabid liam o’brien fangirls that want him to kiss a man with tongue on-screen!

we’ll touch on that last bit later, but there’s always a weird pit in my stomach whenever someone insists that dorian doesn’t work with bell’s hells. the watsonian side of me wants to argue that a runaway/disguised noble is a perfectly common npc type. but the doylist side of me wonders if they think it’s because robbie does not fit in as a person with the cast of critical role because there’s just something too different about him. i wonder if you can tell what it is.

and this last one is more of a nitpick, but a few people joked about how robbie, christian, and utkarsh were all interchangeable or sound or look the same. don’t do that.

in full fairness, i don’t think it makes someone a racist automatically if they dislike a fictional person of color. after all, you can say “i think finn was underutilized in the star wars trilogy and had an unsatisfying character arc, so i cannot bring myself to like him” and still acknowledge that there was bigotry in the writer’s room that led to said poor character arc.

unfortunately, someone might agree with only the first part of your complaint and then add on that they fantasize about blowing up john boyega with their mind so that rey and kylo can have their perfect aryan babies in peace. not only that, but the insistence that a person of color having a minimal role compared to the white people in the story to explain why you can’t be a fan of them goes from explanation to excuse rapidly when you realize how many white background characters are given their own sub-fandoms built solely upon headcanons.

which leads us to our next point.

DOUBLE STANDARDS AND WHITEWASHING

this fandom seems to have a massive problem with headcanons, but it’s not for the reasons you’d think. they have to act as though the person is only making up headcanons to spite either the rest of the fanbase or the human actor themselves. i’ve no such compunctions about headcanons. give pike glasses! make laudna viet! say that caduceus is a cane user! but there comes a problem when you insist that your angsty trauma headcanons are more genuine than someone who has legitimately gone through the same in canon.

what do i mean by that? let’s pivot a bit to a comparison between two seemingly unrelated characters that made the rounds about a year ago: essek thelyss and bor’dor dog’son. don’t worry, this ties into dorian, i swear.

both men were jaded by religion and religious people in their lives and were led down dark paths when martinet ludinus da’leth entered their lives and attempted to sway them into his anti-god cult. bor’dor was fully sucked into the cogs of his killing machine and offed by bell’s hells, but essek fled into hiding after giving ludinus a holy item that belonged to his people, realizing too little too late the weight of his actions.

according to fandom, essek was manipulated emotionally into a bigoted movement and just needed to be deradicalized because he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong. the fictional man of color, bor’dor dog’son, as portrayed by the real-life man of color, utkarsh ambhukdar, for some reason is not given this grace at all. in fact, he’s been compared to delilah briarwood of all people because both of them were villainous sorcerers that felt slighted by someone, despite this comparison falling flat outside of the aesthetic where she is a broken bird crying out for her husband rather than a conniving unrepentant villain. or perhaps they see him as just as evil as her for harming and deceiving the white player characters.

it seems fandom is more comfortable with the illusion of a person of color as voiced by a white man, filtered through a fantasy species canonically discriminated against, and further filtered through headcanons, fanart, and fanfiction by their choice rather than having to interact with the indian man on screen staring back at them.

and if bor’dor is demonized for being a person of color, then dorian is liked for… being a person of color… that the fandom can pretend he isn’t because his skin is blue and not brown.

dorian is literally a person of color with his blue skin and hair, but he’s still also an actual person of color because of his player. compare him to sam nightingale and katja cleaver, despite having powder blue skin and olive-green skin and being fantasy creatures (triton and orc), they wasted no time in telling brennan lee mulligan that there would be no “carmelinda” nonsense; they were a black transfeminine woman and an indian woman just the same as them.

and if you’re going to say, “okay but assuming a person of color has to play a character that’s the same race/ethnicity as they are makes you the real bigot!”

again, must i refer to sam nightingale and katja cleaver. they made the active decision to depict their characters the same as themselves. they consented to it. this was not some sort of shallow corporate-driven plot to force two women of color into portraying diverse characters to capitalize off their identities.

and likewise, the same can be said for robbie and dorian. robbie daymond identifies as multiracial and is part apache. that’s straight from his twitter, so it’s very easily accessible to anybody that would be curious.

so going back to critical role, dorian comes from a nomadic people who keep mostly to themselves and provide wisdom to its diasporic people that come to them for guidance. they’re extremely secretive and even more so distrustful of outsiders, resorting to violence as a last-ditch effort to ensure their secrecy. they can’t risk anything about their people or their culture falling into the wrong hands and warn their children to be wary of the outside world. dorian and his brother reject being called princes a lot of times, and cyrus only picks it up because he likes the sound of it!

if you aren’t from the united states of america you might not know (and even if you are, you still might not know) apache tribes are known for being nomadic. being diasporic and wary of outside forces attempting to harm one's culture only further bolsters the coding. dorian’s backstory appears to be robbie attempting to reconnect with his culture, and good on him! but for some reason, the fandom hasn’t picked up on that. look, i love fanart that emphasizes robbie’s culture, but the number of times i’ve seen people reblog/retweet it without a second thought and then go back to ignoring the exact same cultural coding in canon is… something else.

if vandran can somehow have an accent (and fjord can mimic it) from the southern united states of america off the coast of a continent based on eastern europe, if byroden is somehow comparable with the real-life city of laredo, texas despite being smack dab in the middle of a continent based on western europe, if the air ashari’s culture is a weird mishmash of samoan, irish celtic, and pan-east asian (by way of avatar the last airbender) cultures, then i don’t think it’s an unreasonable thought that the silken squall would not have to be a one-to-one recreation to be coded as such, laurel crowns be damned.

this lack of attention to this detail in fandom is a bit strange, as usually every other (usually male) character has their backstories and everything that their players intended for them memorized to a t by the fandom. it’s almost a running gag at this point where if someone makes a headcanon that bends canon the slightest millimeter and begins to gain traction, you’ll have someone more popular than them instantly vagueing “crazy entitled fans” who “think they know better than canon”. so what makes robbie’s unstated intentions for dorian (outside his affection for his friends and possible romantic crushes) completely fly under the radar? doesn’t anybody think that’s weird? does he need to say out loud that dorian is coded as native so people will realize it?

but even this erasure isn’t the worst of bigotry with his character, that’s saved for the next part.

STEREOTYPES

the irony of dorian’s backstory being whitewashed but his role in fandom still heavily conforming to racist stereotypes about native americans is not lost on me. it’s like there’s a veil keeping them from fully realizing it, but it’s thin enough for them to latch onto unconscious prejudices. there are a lot of caricatures of native americans in media, both within and outside of north america, but only two of them apply to dorian’s treatment in fandom. the magical indian and the noble savage.

the magical indian, much like the magical negro and the magical asian, is nothing more than a paragon of perfection that exists only to prop up the white characters. they give sage advice and mentorship, but have little to no aspirations of their own or even a life outside their relationship with their white protégé. they may die heroically to spur the white characters into action and mourn how kind and perfect they were.

the noble savage gives similar bolstering to the white characters, but carries even worse implications. at the very least the former is seen as something resembling a person, deified and lacking all depth as they may be. the noble savage is treated like an entirely alien species, and a violent and dangerous one at that. he is handsome, in an exotic, othered way, but violent and unable to be reasoned with and only ever sated for a time. despite being “one of the good ones” he still needs to be “civilized” completely out of his culture or murdered to avoid tainting white culture.

obviously nothing in this fandom gets that bad, but the parallels are there. prior to dorian’s return, the vast majority of fan content that detailed his return made him into the de facto therapist for bell’s hells. because obviously dorian wasn’t going through anything himself with the solstice, magic backfiring, and opal being corrupted! he’d be happy to be nothing more than a shoulder to cry on without any traumas or tribulations of his own to worry about! they all got solved and dealt with offscreen, honest. and after his return, people who were either on the fence about him or disliked him entirely began to come around once he positively interacted with and bonded with the other white characters they liked.

the complaint of “i dislike that dorian is never allowed to exist outside of his friends” gets misinterpreted as “it’s out of character for dorian to care so much about his friends” either by well-meaning or willful ignorance, but at the end of the day, it’s ignorance either way. this would be different if he was an npc, but he has hours of content that doesn’t focus solely on his relationships with other people. yes, it is a massive part of his characterization that he will do anything for his loved ones, but why are we focusing on them and not him?

then again, maybe fandom shouldn’t focus on other parts of his backstory.

any mention of the silken squall that isn’t reskinning it to be a generic fantasy keep tends to make it a living hell. sure, the bits and pieces we’ve heard from it make it extremely clear they’re unhealthily secretive, strict, and a bit full of themselves, but it’s not as if they’re evil aristocrats that kick puppies for fun. the tale of a young man that’s going against tradition is hardly one that belongs to a single culture, but i’ve found people find it the most digestible when they strip it of all nuances. it’s the “no, dad, i’m my own man! individualism for life, baby!” power fantasy everyone’s always dreamed of where you can up and leave a situation and leave everything you’ve ever known behind.

so the silken squall is just homophobic, transphobic, and fantasy racist. dorian should completely abandon it and all its ways to go off gallivanting with the hells in perpetuity, which is the correct option. never mind that matt himself said that lgbtphobia in exandria is not the same or is far less common than it is in our world. never mind that in the previous campaign there was a massive story hook about prejudice and xenophobia that humans enacted on species they viewed as “monsters”. because why should the silken squall be anything more than a hive of bigotry and cruelty with no grey areas? everyone knows every flying city in exandria was pure evil and should be nuked from orbit! it’s true, brennan lee mulligan told me so!

i suppose i was wrong for expecting better. if two disney films meant to sell dolls to little girls that more or less looked directly into the camera and said “sometimes people do bad stuff because they were hurt real bad in the past, but that doesn’t make them bad people! racism is still gross!” could both get misinterpreted with zero nuance as being about an abusive matriarch forcing her family into impossible perfection, then i should’ve figured that people would do the same with a piece of adult media.

SHIPPING CONTENT

let’s finally get this out of the way. there is a very intentional reason i’ve been dancing around the subject of shipping with dorian.

i do not have anything against dorym as a ship. i do think that they like each other! they’ve got a lot of really sweet moments together! they just have a lot of personal things they have to work through to get there.

to say that it’s forced, or they’re “trying too hard” to make it seem like they’re about to confess their mutual love, or has had zero buildup can feel at times like a “gotcha” to mock its fans for being pushy. they’re both clearly trying to get back into the swing of things now that robbie’s returned and they can move forward with developing their relationship. i wouldn’t be surprised if it’ll be like late game beauyasha, which had a similar problem with not having a lot of content for it due to one member of the ship being absent from the table because scheduling despite being beloved by fandom until we got into the mid-100s.

that all being said, there is a tendency for dorian to be treated poorly in the ship by the shippers. all my complaints about it hinge solely on the fans. now, i don’t think all dorym fans are like this; i would be making the same complaints if dorian/laudna, dorian/imogen, fearne/dorian, doomstorm, or greystorm shippers did this as well. but since dorym is the most popular out of all of them, i will be discussing it primarily.

small mercies that dorian’s coding is largely ignored because that means nobody's making pocahontas aus with the dorym ship. (and if they are, please don’t tell me. we know its racist. you don’t need to show it to me to confirm that it is, indeed, racist. i don’t frequent ao3 for a reason). even without that, dorym still falls victim to the ship dynamic of the delicate white person and the strong person of color.

i’m already uncomfortable with how orym’s trauma is viewed by a vast majority of the fandom, but adding in the “dorian has no feelings outside his own and is only a machine to deposit in trauma coins until sex comes out” situation i described earlier, it gets bad really quick. often times dorian’s whole worldview is warped to focus only on orym and orym’s feelings. he certainly trusts and looks to him as a leader, but the constant insistence that orym is the only thing that matters in his life, orym is the only person he would trust unconditionally, orym is the only one he would ever truly be in love with, he must be the one to fix orym’s trauma and make him whole with no work from orym’s side at all and orym orym orym orym orym-

yeah it’s bad.

and now we come to braius doomseed, the newest bull on the block. sam riegel introduced his new character as an over-comedic flirt who went after everybody with a pulse... and laudna! provided you’re able to take a joke, a lot of people had fun cracking remarks about how braius confirmed that bell’s hells were just another basement away from having a real orgy instead of a fake. but then there were those who did not like the joke, and by that i mean, people who genuinely wished death upon sam, braius and the shippers ironic and genuine for daring to get in the way of dorym. because dorian is orym’s man, not braius’ man!

do i really need to say why it’s wrong to say or imply a white person owns a person of color? do you need an explanation for that? it’s bad! very bad!

i must reiterate: i don’t think every single dorym shipper acts like this or has never spoken out about this trend. i follow a good number of people that like the ship and a lot of them have no problem with shipping them with other people and treating them as their own characters on equal footing. it’s okay to like the ship and it’s okay to not like the ship.

or if you don’t like the ship, you could always make nazi jokes.

would you believe that this post actually made me want to make this one? there is a score of perfectly good reasons to dislike dorym as a ship as stated previously, but you made a joke about how a white guy is getting denied of his rightful claim to a relationship by a native guy? i take it back, maybe people do need things explained to them. you certainly don’t see laura/marisha pc shippers speak about aabria or erika this way.

speaking of, that makes for a terrific segue!

imodna tends to be bashed by both ashrym and dorym shippers in equal measures, partially due to misogyny and lesbophobia usually rampant in m/m shipping spaces, and partially because people still have lingering wounds from entitled beaujes shippers from campaign two. i think it’s safe to assume that a vast swath of the holdover from campaign two abandoned ship (heh) following episode 34, as that’s when i remember seeing a lot of angry imodna shippers complaining about how orym should have died instead of laudna and ragequitting the campaign. but what does this have to do with dorian, you ask?

well, i haven’t seen any fanfiction or aus where dorian is laudna’s abusive boyfriend that imogen must save with her sapphic mind powers (again, if it does exist, keep that shit to yourself because we know it’s racist) but i have seen some imodna fans utterly despise orym and anything that has to do with him. and if they hate anything that has to do with him, that includes dorian.

most of the “dorian is a useless character that doesn’t need to exist/only exists for crazy fangirls/should die offscreen” comments as stated all the way back there come from imodna shippers sniping back at a lot of the people being crappy about their ship. or in fanfic/fanart they’ll overemphasize his snottier or selfish aspects or make him out to be an impulsive dimwit as a “joke.” long story short, they aim at the white guy and dorian gets gored with the shrapnel.

SO NOW WHAT?

i think it’s pretty obvious where to go from here. do better. watch exandria unlimited and exandria unlimited kymal! acknowledge the story that robbie is trying to tell.  be respectful and ask questions if people are willing to give answers. and if you don’t find dorian enjoyable or interesting as a character, think about why you don’t and ask yourself if you’d extend that same indifference to a white character. it’s not that hard to simply say that a ship or a character just isn’t your thing without being bigoted about it!

hopefully this post helped people see things they may have overlooked in their analyses of dorian and thanks to @bam-monsterhospital, @fear-ne and a bunch of anons for adding their input!

[nanierose]

I do love how Orym's internal monologue of being 'just a guy', and the actual mechanics of being a fighter, has fed into him making this deal with Nana Morri. If you think about it, fighters when they level up get stronger yes, but unless you take a sub-class like eldritch knight your power up is not as obvious as your cleric friend getting a roster of new spells or a dog sprouting forth from your friend's body. If you were in that world there's a high chance you would just see it as honing your skills, not becoming mega powerful.

So Orym sees himself surrounded by people with magic at their disposal, two with the power of titans now, and then there he is with a sword and a shield. He's been killed by one of their enemies already and got their butt kicked at the Malleus Key. It's only natural he would feel a bit inferior in comparison to his friends. And let's not forget that this was all he had when Will and Derrig were killed.

Last time the sword and shield weren't enough, but up until now he didn't think there was a way to be more than that. And then comes along Nana Morri, the Fatestitcher, who can do anything if only you make a deal with her. And Orym has already pledged life-long service before, so it's obvious to him that's what he should offer. He's a guard, just a 'lil guy, and if he can protect his friends with the power Morri grants it will be worth it. He wanted there to be a tomorrow for everyone and he intends to make sure there is.

[widogaspmauk]

I keep seeing people defending Laudna by saying that even after darkness dropped, Orym kept attacking.

No. He didn’t.

Darkness dropped on the first of his three attacks. Narratively, I can see how those three slide together in a rhythm and stopping after one would take effort. And he stopped. He switched to grasping vine. And when that failed, he used his second attack and stated he attacks the sword, doing a disarming attack. Yes, Laudna still took damage, but Liam specified that he attacked the sword. And then, with a third attack still available, he wastes it and action surges to get the sword. Orym did not keep attacking Laudna once he discovered it was her.

On the flip side, the people talking about Orym keep saying none of his friends had his back (sometimes no one but Dorian), which again isn’t true.

Let’s start with the most obvious: Chetney. Once awake, he had Orym’s back completely. Dorian supported Orym while also trying to diffuse the situation. Fearne didn’t want to get involved. She didn’t want to take a side. I’m sure that hurt, but she didn’t definitively stand with Laudna (although I can see the argument that she was more on Laudna’s side than Orym’s). Ashton might have moved to defend Laudna, but they told her to apologize AND made a comment about understanding why Orym feels the need to wear the sword (which again, I can see how that would hurt). Even Imogen asked Laudna why it was dark (although Orym didn’t hear this).

Orym’s friends didn’t abandon him. They stood between the two and tried to diffuse the situation.

[utilitycaster]

no d20 spoilers here since i know you know the gist of the drama but the fact that both kipperlilly (and the ratgrinders as a whole) and laudna are sending the their respective fandoms into meltdowns is FASCINATING to me!!! Especially happening at roughly the same time

I am now officially caught up and. not to brag but, called it re: the Rat Grinders, huh, except it's even more stupid. Like. The "but they're literally minors?" argument sort of falls apart given that they're the same age as the Bad Kids, and are actively trying to kill them, the "but redemption" argument doesn't mean shit since at no point did they make any forays towards redemption and indeed sicced a bunch of dragons on the Bad Kids, and so we're left with nothing but an impotent desire to not have a sick-ass battle in the finale of a D20 Campaign. And, perhaps, an uncomfortable realization that they are not unlike the Rat Grinders and the narrative said "lmao yeah you suck".

Laudna's shit? not that different actually. Like there's a lot of reasons why the arguments defending her are bullshit but the biggest one is that the "Laudna has never done anything wrong ever in her life and Imogen is her tether" crowd have painted themselves into a delightfully tiny little corner and they can't hide it anymore. Like, okay, so, is Laudna in control of her actions? Because if so she just attacked Orym in the middle of the night. Is she not? Because if so why hasn't she made the efforts that Chetney and FCG and Imogen (at least sometimes) did to address that? If the issue is trauma why is hers more valid than that of others? If it's abuse tell me how you feel about Caleb, Fjord, Beau, and Percy? Why is Orym shutting down the conversation when he says the Vanguard killed his family but Laudna's not doing the same when she tells Ashton not to speak to her of loneliness and Chetney not to speak to her of loss when she doesn't have a monopoly on either?

Why is it Bells Hells' job to endlessly accomodate Laudna and why are so many people suddenly talking about Bells Hells as an abstract 7-headed entity that didn't deal with Laudna's problems when those same people (if they were around at the time of the gnarlrock airing, and many of them weren't) were like "NO THEY SHOULD MAKE UP AS FAST AS POSSIBLE AND IMOGEN IS A BITCH BECAUSE LAUDNA DIDN'T MEAN IT." Why wasn't it an issue for them when Laudna's ranting about her time in Issylra and how hard it was got shut down by Imogen kissing her because that's why it didn't stay in the spotlight. Why wasn't it an issue for them when Imogen said "if you need her, that's my answer"? Why is it Orym or "Bells Hells" in the abstract who never spent time on Laudna's trauma after months if not years of throwing a fit any time someone (often me) (not always though) pointed out how much Imogen and Laudna were shoving under the rug and not dealing with? What does it say that you can't even expect Laudna's partner to be the one supporting her through this- it has to be Orym? Why doesn't Laudna have any responsibility here? At minimum she could have spoken up about the sword at at least two if not three junctures and she didn't.

There's a lot of things I hold in contempt, and after the obvious things like bigotry, two I really detest are hypocrisy and dereliction of responsibility. It's been extremely telling with both the D20 and CR discourse that people do not like seeing the story and the fandom say "hey actually you need to take responsibility for your actions, you only get redemption if you work for it, and if you leave a room hoping someone will follow you without saying that's what you want? Don't be surprised if no one does." The reason everyone was preparing to stop Laudna was because she was, in every action and decision, showing herself to be a person in need of being stopped. Can you describe this perfect balance of gentleness in which she's never pushed too hard but she does talk about her trauma and work through it and in doing so leaves Delilah? Have you demanded any other member of Bells Hells be granted that same gentleness and patience and kindness or do you think Orym should get over his grief because it's inconvenient to your arguments.

Just as the Rat Grinders show the narrative saying "being an entitled, resentful, jealous person who hurts others from jealousy makes you an easy tool to be manipulated into cruelty and you need to deal with that," I think Laudna shows the narrative (and certainly the fandom) saying "you do have an obligation to deal with your trauma, especially if it causes you to hurt others, and you can ask for help but you can't just sit on your ass waiting for someone else to initiate the process for you" as well as "if you do hurt people because of your trauma they may be angry with you, this may shape how they see you, and they are justified in that because you hurt them" and I think people in both fandoms hate being told that because I think a lot of the people sparking the discourse really do think that you can shield yourself from criticism over your hurtful actions by claiming trauma or neurodivergence or mental illness or whatever and it's like, no, you do still suck, you just also had sucky things happen to you as well.

[caeslxys]

I am SO fascinated to get your take on BH's reaction to Ludinus and Downfall.

*****SPOILERS FOR 102 BELOW*****

As someone who left Downfall with a very negative view of the gods, it's interesting to me that BHs (in particular Imogen) kept saying "but you're just like them" about Ludinus and then not realizing that she was saying that the gods are no better than Ludinus fucking Da'Leth. Yeah, Luda is a hyprocrite. Do you realize that the gods are no better? The GODS.

And BHs comparing themselves to the primes/betrayers as this "fucked-up family" completely ignores the power differential. "They're just little guys! We all make mistakes" but you're saying that about entities that can literally sling 9th levels every 6 seconds without using any resources.

Nothing that can feel and be motivated by loss, rage, fear, and revenge should have that much power. Respectfully.

Sorry this took me so long to answer! I’ve been letting my own thoughts simmer and rewatching the episode in pieces to grasp the Many Many different things that happened on my own because it was Quite A Lot and some of it (the delilah of it all, funnily enough) left me immediately with an overall sense of disappointment that I wanted to sift through before talking Thoughts so that I could determine analysis from bias lol. BUT. I DO HAVE THOUGHTS

Long answer under the read more, but tldr: Apart from Orym, Ashton, and Dorian (simultaneously the most and least surprising!) I don’t think we’ve gotten the full breadth of BH’s opinions at all. In part because this a topic of discussion that requires them actually, well, discussing it to form fully rounded opinions on but also, crucially, because they were expressing opinions and emotions in front of Ludinus. This is important, because Orym/Ashton/Dorian make the most sense to have no reason for holding their true thoughts back in front of either him or the party (obviously in Orym and Ashton’s case, but I’ll be honest in not considering what is now obvious—Dorian has no idea who this guy actually is! Of course he wasn’t opposed to raising his perspective!), whereas other characters—namely Imogen—have many more internal steps and hurdles to actually reaching a conclusion that must happen outside of Ludinus’ eye.

Alright. Long version.

I think it truly speaks to the characters that the ones who reacted the most immediately decisive were Orym—the one whose opinions wouldn’t have changed regardless of what was held within that orb (which. sigh)—Ashton—the punk, anti-authoritarian character who has had an established perspective of the gods and their power for quite some time, perspectives that were in many ways cemented in viewing this piece of history rather than dispelled—and Dorian—someone who, as mentioned earlier, has the least amount of context for who Ludinus is, but who also himself was raised in a comparatively high position of social power so as to understand exactly what Ludinus is saying about the gods’ misusing theirs.

And, of course, Imogen. I’ll admit: I was immediately shocked at her response, but in hindsight of course she responded the way she did. I have talked and gushed and wailed before at how deeply empathetic Imogen is, and how it is also her ultimate fatal flaw (demonstrated explicitly here), so of course her first thought was how she saw the feelings and motives behind the decisions made in downfall and not how it was also an extreme over-reach of power and influence. Of course she did. I think the only person she’s incapable of empathizing with is Delilah lmao.

And to that point: A lot of that seemed, on a rewatch and to me, posturing on her part. So much of Imogen is defined by her guilt and shame and self-loathing and its especially prevalent when she is playing leader—a role she is naturally very good at, but doubts constantly because she does not consider herself “good”. So, often, she does what she thinks others perceive as “good” and “right” and keeps her more complex thoughts to herself until she is in a safe space (often with Laudna), and projects who she thinks others need her to be in the moment.

Laudna, in the same vein, also shocked me that she didn’t push the breach of power here. But, again, she is also right next to Imogen in “bells hells characters most driven by/capable of empathy” (though hers is, unlike Imogen’s, often in conflict with her desires in really compelling ways) so on further reflection—and especially taking into consideration the massive amount of shame she is feeling from swordgate—of course she focused on the empathetic side of it all.

Ultimately we didn’t get much time at all for them to actually discuss and dissect their take-aways on all of downfall in a setting and context that would be free of bias and performance. If i’m honest, I think those conversations need to happen individually instead of in a group, though maybe Dorian’s inclusion and obvious clear decision on his stance being more in line with Ludinus’ may just be enough for Orym alone not to break the conversational thread again with his personal grief (and guilt, but that’s another post lol). I think their real opinions have yet to solidify even for themselves, and we’ll see them truly form in the coming episodes. The Delilah of it all notwithstanding.

Speaking of Orym’s refusal to think about anything—I think he and Imogen both are suffering from Predathos tunnel vision. Honestly I’d argue a good portion of fandom is as well. None of that conversation is ultimately about Predathos, it was about the gods and the role they play and the power they use or over-use or deserve. By focusing so intently on what we all already agree is the wrong and bad solution to this problem, we ignore the problem entirely. It’s one of my main issues with Orym’s stance this whole campaign. If we don’t ask what is to be done with the gods, and the campaign just wraps up with “we defeated the bad guys, yay!” well. What of the ruidusborn, who we know are treated unfairly and unkindly and who suffer through no fault of their own. What of the young vanguard members—the kids—who, also, are only guilty of caving to the idea of peace. What of Aeor, what of Ludinus—what of the cycle that birthed them both. To not engage with the questions being asked for hyperfixating on the Predathos of it all is to leave this campaign, in my opinion, on both a deeply unsatisfying but also deeply hopeless note. The cycle will continue. We may not see it—it may be another thousand, two thousand years before another Ludinus rises—but another Ludinus or Aeor or both will rise, because ultimately no change will have been implemented in the problems which resulted in them.

And—final note, promise—I was talking to a friend about this yesterday but when it comes down to acknowledging the societal implications of downfall, especially in Imogen’s case, I do think it’s going to have to be pointed out first. A lot of Bells Hells are characters who have suffered at the very hands they are trying to save, but also suffered in part and specifically due to a lack of access to knowledge about it all. It does not escape me that the very first scene of campaign three is Imogen attempting to gather knowledge on powers that have made her miserable for a decade and being unable to access them in a library due to her station. That is, to me, more and more becoming the underpinning theme of this campaign—especially as all Ludinus is doing in this moment with the Occultus Thalamus is displaying it; again, obviously Ludinus is wrong in his means (and arrogant in his assumptions that just because of his failures that no one else could find a solution) but this, specifically, the spreading of knowledge—that, I 100% find myself in agreeance with. So it’s not that they won’t understand what characters like Ashton and Dorian, both hyperaware of the implications of power here, are or will be saying. It’s that they literally do not know to think about it like that. Why would they. It has been intentionally kept from them.

Anyway I have no idea if that was uh. Sufficient Enough of an answer adksfjd at some point I just started yapping but! I’m intrigued, especially because of Dorian’s adamant belief, in what conclusions they’ll draw moving forward as the discussions truly begin! Hopefully! Hopefully they will discuss it!

[tiredqueermushroom]

all of exu trio please?

Dorian

First Impression:

You're gonna be my favourite. There's more hidden underneath that classic bardic charm.

Impression Now:

Omg, he's just like me fr fr. An anxiety ridden master compartmentaliser, who is desperate for parental approval and desperate to strike out on his own. God I love him.

Favourite moment:

The entirety of episode 105 from summoning coriolis to his conversation with his father 10/10 no notes.

Honourable mention: His speech to dariax about real evil also "Kill your mother."

Idea for a story:

Just pure silken squall exploration. I want to know how dorian mastered his compartmentalision skill, more dorian childhood/lore please mister daymond!

Unpopular opinion:

A lot of people only like dorian because they ship him with orym and it's very obvious. So of the most egregious dorian takes come from these people, because they don't view him as an independent character but rather an extension of orym (disclaimer, I like do/my don't come at me.) Some of yall are weirdly racist about Dorian, especially when trying to 'defend' orym from rightful critism, it's kinda crazy.

Favourite relationship/s:

The exu trio! They keep each other grounded and sane. They also can see through each other's masks better than anyone else. Also, they shared a bed together what's not to love.

Favourite headcannon:

He's autistic! Also that hair is super important to squall culture, so dorian having his hair up and therefore shorter is his way of mourning cyrus.

Fearne

First impression:

I love this ditsy girl!

Impression Now:

Omg you are so much deeper than I gave you credit for. You hide your complex and real feelings behind a mask of smiles and giggles. Bet you related hard to when dorian said he finds strength in a smile, huh?

Favourite Moments:

It's a tie between the coin flip resurrection and the aftermath of watching ashton die. In both these moments, we get to see behind the mask fearne wears and get a peek at how much she is both terrified and angered by the idea of losing her friends, her family.

Idea for a story:

An in-depth exploration of her feelings of guilt about reviving orym instead of Laudna and how this interacts with her feelings of discomfort about being pressured about the shard. Specifically, her feelings around laudna and Imogen, saying they were disappointed in her during the truth trial.

Unpopular opinion:

Same issue I have with Dorian. A lot people don't care about how deep of a character can be with most of her bigger moments being overshadowed by other characters or not given the attention it needs. Some people only like her as the big-breasted ditsy thief.

Favourite relationship/s

Fearne & Orym! They both care about each other so much that they don't want to worry they other, so they lie/ tell half truths to each other. Orym would follow Fearne to the ends of the Exandria, and Fearne would carry him on her shoulders the whole way.

Favourite headcannon:

The coin actually landed on Laudna, but fearne could not and would not be able to stand the loss of her bestie, especially so soon after losing dorian. No matter what the coin said, she would have chosen orym, and the Fey are inherently selfish after all.

Orym

First impression:

Woah, slow down lil man you can only fit some much grief in your tiny body.

Impressions now:

My god I don't know how you can keep fitting all that grief and guilt in there!

Favourite moments:

Definitely, him crying at dorian, telling him he doesn't have to protect everyone. Orym had been carrying the weight of protecting everyone for so long, that he forgot that he's a person, not just a sword and shield to be thrown in front of people. Also, any time he's said he misses dorian because it sounds like an I love you. So much of how orym loves has been defined by longing and missing will, so naturally missing dorian is as easy as loving will. Bonus, him dancing in the rain with otohans sword and carrying that heavy weight with him was so cinematic.

Idea for a story:

Orym apologising to Dorian for his comment about cyrus during the post downfall talk. To recognise that he didn't trust that dorian would ultimately choose to save people despite his opinions on the gods. Especially after dorian revealed how heavily cyrus' death weighs on him as well as how important trust is to him.

Unpopular opinion:

While I acknowledge that orym has gotten some bad faith criticism in the past that doesn't mean all criticism he receives is unfair. Case in point, in some people's attempts at 'defending' orym after people were rightfully put off by his comment about cyrus. Some started using racist language towards Dorian and robbie, e.g robbie needing to watch his tone or that dorian needs to be 're-educated'. Which is especially crazy considering robbie is a native man. All that to say, orym is not above criticism and some of yall need to stop acting like it.

Favourite relationship/s:

Exu trio! Orym's need to protect fearne superseding his own safety is so juicy, he would die for his bestie. That man is so painfully in love with dorian that it makes him look stupid lol. The need to depend on someone vs the fear that the minute he let's his guard down everything will come crashing down. Both of them keep orym grounded, fearne reminding him how to let loose and dorian reminds him that he doesn't have to shoulder every responsibility by himself and that he can share his burdens.

Favourite Headcannon:

He has a tail and obviously he has PTSD. But the first night dorian was back was the first time he's slept well in a long time. The bed was perfect.

[demigoddessqueens]

Hello may I request a reader whose a star druid and that whenever they're in battle they call upon the constellation to fight with them or become the embodiment of the constellation as they're willing to do whatever it take to protect the one they love. Can it be with Bells Hells or Vox Machina or Even both.

Yeah I’ll give the Bells some love 💕

Masterlist 11

Imogen

She may be at a standpoint with her abilities, coming to grips with her arcane heritage, but she feels inspired in seeing yours at work, the entire forces of the Celestials at your disposal and the unapologetic nature you wield it with

Laudna

Summoning hounds and the dark ichor magic is her trademark but she is in awed fascination at seeing how your magic works, as if it wasn’t obvious enough her ichor hound gets along so well with your constellation hunting one

Orym

He’s felt so down, so lost and seeing you in your element at your strongest is still a bit of comfort to his downtrodden heart, there is still the bits of hope that remain (that it won’t end in tears and more destruction) as you summon the literal heavens to protect him

Dorian

He’s heard of such of your kind before in story books that he would sneak away to read with Cyrus, to see you summon these creations fills him with bittersweet pride at who he used to be

Fearne

A witch in her own right, she’s confident of her skills and is never short in giving you praise as well. Always looking for an excuse to be near you and/or trace the silver dots and lines on your skin

Braius

He may be a paladin of the Hells but he’s completely awestruck when you form into one of the Hunter constellations, looking for any excuse

FCG

The automaton was wary of his powers, given how strong the surges can become but he feels a kinship with you because of how you both realize you’re stronger than what you get credit for

Chetney

He is one of the biggest cheerleaders of the party when he sees you using your powers, sometimes even suggesting if you can create a “werewolf” one for him

Ashton

The Genasi just lays it on thick with the compliments towards you, asking constant questions about your different constellations, how long you have been around, etc.

[astralleywright]

How do you feel about Orym's deal with Morri?

There was something kind of funny about Liam getting increasingly obvious - 'ORYM HAS DARK VINES IN HIS VEINS. YOU CAN ALL SEE THIS.' and it still going unacknowledged, but now it just feels like a damp squib. (to me at least)

anon i had no fucking idea what a damp squib was. i thought you mispelled squid. it makes perfect sense now that i've looked it up-you damn british-and i agree but i was SO confused about what squids had to do with any of this

anyways, onto the actual answer-yeah. it's a shame, because its one of the most interesting decisions Orym has made, and maybe the most interesting one that has managed to stick around and inform the character, but. it's been treated so underwhelmingly so far that its hard not to think about it as such.

and i don't blame the other hells at all, really. they were on the moon! and then FCG died and who knew if Orym's deal was relevant any longer! one of their own spontaneously learning to teleport is just an average tuesday for them! (as i've joked before, they might just think its ashari shit! [FCG voice] he's doing it! his aramante!)

as someone who's been playing a similarly reticent and repressed character for the last year and a half in a weekly COfD game, one thing i quickly learned is that if you sit back and wait for the other pcs to ask, you might be waiting a really long time. if you're waiting for the other pcs not just to ask but to push and prod over your continued avoidance, you might be waiting forever. the other players are fallible, and probably don't know your character as well as you, and have their own characters as well as a billion other things to focus on. they may be too wrapped up in their own problems or the problems of the pcs who already shared to (or might simply be playing a character that would not) ask about yours.

take the confession during swordgate: it was in the middle of a tense situation where one of the party members (Laudna) was in clear emotional distress, two of them (Imogen and Ashton) were completely focused on her, and two of them (Dorian and Braius) didn't know what Orym even meant by it or that it was a secret up to that point. that left Fearne and Chetney, and Chetney may or may not have been asleep at the time. so that leaves Fearne. she clearly clocked it and has the most reason to care, but Fearne is honestly even more emotionally repressed and avoidant than Orym, and with all due respect to Ashley, she is not who i would rely on for "initiating rp conversations" and "remembering things."

(Also Fearne tried to check on Orym earlier that day and this was his response, so like.)

TTRPGS are collaborative, yeah, but i would argue that part of that is not leaving the responsibility of your own character’s development largely to the other players. Or if you do, accepting that you might be playing a character whose vivid inner life remains entirely hidden, and also that that might not be as interesting to the other players as the things they can readily interact with. Which makes it less likely for them to follow up on it, and so on, until "sold the rest of my life to a hag to protect everyone" kind of feels like a damp squib.

[towards-toramunda]

i don't want to get my hopes up with ashrym because it's definitely a long shot, but whenever my hopes get too down i try to remind myself that at around this point in c2 both caleb and beau were in love with jester

I’ve been doing the same shit lol. Comparing ship timelines from last campaign and all and reminding myself I love a slow burn more than anything (and a slow burn makes more sense for Orym)

…my hot take is I feel that Orym is more obvious about liking Ashton than Caleb was with Jester by this point last campaign (to me) and I feel like Orym has been very very obvious in recent episodes with his attraction to Ashton (the naked lava ogling, the “they care about you, *I* care about you”, the forehead kiss, how distraught he was at seeing Ashton essentially die, etc) and to me it seems pretty clear that Orym has more than just platonic feelings for Ashton

[screechingfromthevoid]

I don't think Orym is a jealous man. I don't think Braius flirting with Dorian is really doing anything. Besides making him insecure.

Orym will definitely convince himself that Dorian would prefer Braius. He's more on Dorian's level both physically and class wise. Hes only 3 inches taller than Dorian and they can bond over art. To Orym it'd the obvious choice, to choose Braius. It'd make sense that the tall beautiful bards would fall for each other. He doesn't see Braius' flirting as a threat because he doesn't even know he's in the running.

And because he's not a jealous man, if he truly saw Dorian show genuine interest in Braius, Orym would accept it. He'd understand. He'd swallow his feelings and keep them to himself. Because he doesn't think he should have these feelings in the first place. BECAUSE he doesn't want to get in the way or impose or ruin what they already have.

DORIAN HOWEVER is super jealous. As a younger sibling to a golden child I know how possessive someone can get over attention. That's why it was all shy smiles and biting pencils when Braius was flirting with him. But the moment Braius flirted with Orym he was immediately at attention. Because that's his little warrior. If anyone is going to flirt with Orym it will be him.

I think if Brauis (Sam) changed up his technique and started flirting with Orym more, we'd have Dorym love confession in like two weeks. I don't think Dorian can handle competition. Not about this. Not with Orym's heart on the line.

[isagrimorie]

[initial reactions] Critical Role C3x65

(This took a while to do because the first one I wrote vanished when I hit 'undo' to undo one action and it erased everything).

SO. Many things happened!

Out of the gate, Laudna aired her frustration about how Team Wildemount seemed to have had a better time than their team. And everything FCG, Imogen, and Fearne said just made things worse.

Until Laudna let out the 'And your new best friend' thing with Imogen and Frida. Imogen looked so bewildered, her 'excuse me???'

Ashton remains the heart of the group, I love that Ashton missed Chetney and his shenanigans (even though Laudna looked like she was a second away from throttling him). And I'm glad they were able to talk to FCG to calm down a little. FCG was working on my final nerve when they internalized Laudna's frustrations and made it all about them. It feels like Ashton had an epiphany and realization after seeing Laudna's breakdown, it was a wake-up call. Also for them, Bells Hells is:

We also get to learn more about Ashton's backstory and maybe they didn't pursue the direct Hishari line but maybe they can pursue that question in Zephra.

I love the whole thing with the Duskmaven. I love the vision and the realization that Vax is still suffering in that Orb.

The vision the Matron of Ravens gave to Orym, Fearne, and Chetney was fantastic. Matt’s description was so evocative. And then the doors slamming except instead of doors its the white mask of the Matron. She’s in mourning.

I continue to adore the differing views about gods, I love that both Ashton and Laudna’s view is— they don’t need to worship the gods to save them and the world. And after everything Ashton went through, maybe it’s the gods turn to reach for him, and that for Laudna, just like with FRIDA, her faith belongs with the people she’s with.

Let’s talk about Fearne’s ‘I won’t lose anyone else’? Because she’s not as vocal about it. But she’s equally as traumatized losing people but also she might not be possessive of her sexual and romantic partners but friends? Fearne is possessive of. Orym is her best friend!

I also love that Chetney had to deal with the consequences of his actions. He forgot about it but Matt didn’t!

Fearne and FCG are scrying for Ludinus and Liliana and find… that they’re both on the Rudius moon!

Even Ira is on the moon! So. I feel like the end game for this is Bells Hells going to the moon, on a race against time to stop Ludinus for doing his final thing to free Predathos (who will then eat him). I don’t know why Lililana is still following Ludinus since it’s obvious his promises were bunk, but I suppose sunk cost fallacy is a thing.

Also as Aabria said: “Are we all dancing around the fact y’all need to go to the moon?” Because she was RIGHT! They were dancing around the fact they’re all going to have to go to the moon! Thus kickstarting Exandria’s Space Race!

And now to the MAIN THING.

I love actually, that this whole thing with them: the misunderstanding, the kiss all happened with Imogen’s ability to passively mind read shut off. I also love that it all comes in the heels of Laudna airing out her frustrations. Because this time Imogen has to really talk to Laudna, she can’t just get the mental vibe from her. They have to talk. IMO this is the best thing that’s ever happened to both of them, I think they both relied on the fact that Imogen can just ‘hear’ Laudna’s thoughts.

Laudna never minded that Imogen can hear Laudna’s thoughts. But I love that Imogen not hearing Laudna’s thoughts at first pass is actually good for them. Because now Imogen has to learn how to communicate with Laudna through words and sometimes she’s off the mark — the first part where almost everything Imogen said just upset Laudna, to Imogen’s tentative: “Can I kiss you? Because I’m not sure anymore.”

Also, ‘Can I kiss you?’ both did and didn’t come out of nowhere this is a direct continuation of Laudna and Imogen’s conversation the eve of the Solstice. It all started with:

IMOGEN: I don’t know, since you came back, I’ve been almost scared to say anything. [a beat] LAUDNA: Say what? And Imogen did confess to Laudna but Laudna didn’t get it! And then the next second, they were separated from each other.

I can imagine Imogen thinking the next time she gets to see Laudna again she’s not going to chicken out and then Laudna misinterpreting her friendship with FRIDA seems to have resolved Imogen further. Her bewildered: “Excuse me???” was everything.

And then there’s Laudna’s everything, her stress and her breakdown, and fear that her worst self is her only self when it’s the furthest from the truth. Imogen would follow Laudna into the dark because she also feels the calls of temptation. She used to hate her powers but she’s accepted her powers and learned to love it because without her powers she would never have met Laudna.

But also, Laudna being in her Regency Romance era (to coincide with Laura’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’ era) they are so compatible with that Regency Romance with a large serving of Gothic romance.

I’m so intrigued at how both Laudna and Imogen are keeping their change of status from best friends to dating to themselves but it also makes sense they want to figure this thing they have with each other away from other people’s input and feelings.

I also can’t wait for Laudna’s new outfit and Pate backpack home.

And now they're in Zephra, off to one of the most beautiful places in Exandria when everything's on the edge of tipping into something. I can't wait to watch the next episode!

Also, it took awhile but I finally got to finish this not so initial reactions. Thanks, tumblr for the delay!

[luminousstardust]

Constellations for each member of Bells Hells!

As I started making my level 10 Imogen dress, I wanted to have the constellations I painted on there to have meaning. While looking up some constellations and the mythos behind them, I realized that a lot of them actually related to a lot of the members of Bells Hells, and wanted to have them all represented on her dress!! Along with a couple key NPCs.

So, here’s the list:

Imogen - Andromeda

This was the first constellation I added to the dress!! According to my friend who is very into astronomy, Andromeda’s mother bragged about her beauty, angering the greek gods and causing Andromeda herself to nearly be sacrificed for her mother’s mistakes. I feel like this ties into Imogen’s life very neatly, as Liliana’s involvement with Ruidus and the Ruby Vangaurd have definitely had a more negative impact on her life so far. And, speaking of Liliana…

Liliana Temult - Cassiopeia

Liliana is the only true NPC to be featured on Imogen’s dress, because the comparison of Andromeda and Cassiopeia to Imogen and Liliana was too good to pass up on! I also have Liliana’s constellation on one side of the dress and Imogen’s on the other for optimum heartbreak…💔

Laudna - Ophiuchus

Speaking of placement… Ophiuchus as Laudna is right next to the Andromeda constellation on the dress 💜🖤. Ophiuchus is a greek healer often associated with bringing people back from the dead, which Laudna has done twice now. He’s also associated with snakes, which is a fun little nod to Laudna’s snake ring.

Fearne - Capricornus

Fearne being placed next to Imogen and Laudna is also intentional - I could not separate the witchy bitches!!! Capricornus represents, just like Fearne, a horned half-goat. I chose this one not only because it matches Fearne’s physical satyr presentation, but because her Fae nature is so key to her character and her relationship with the world around her.

Orym - Scutum

And right next to Fearne is her bestie, Orym!! While Scutum doesn’t have much mythos attached to it like the other constellations, it’s name means shield in Latin, which is just SO Orym. Not only is his own sheild very important to him, but Orym often utilizes his battle maneuvers in fights to protect other members of the party, so he is kind of like a sheild himself.

Dorian - Lyra

OF COURSE I had to include Dorian!! And put him right next to his sending stone buddy. Lyra was an obvious choice for Bells Hells’ bard, since the constellation represents Orpheus’ lyre. But I also chose this with the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice in mind, because Dorian’s separation and inability to “see” the rest of Bells Hells at the moment hurts me sooooo much. Hoping for a reunion eventually!!!!

Chetney - Caelum

Seeing the Caelum constellation, which translates to “the chisel,” is actually what inspired me to pair constellations to characters in the first place. A chisel constellation was MADE for Chetney!! Not only do I love love love the idea of a carver using their tools as weapons, but I absolutely ADORE that Chetney uses those same tools to make little personalized wooden crafts for his friends. He cares more than his grumpy old persona lets on!!!!

Ashton - Hercules

This one feels as though it may be a bit on the nose, but as the tank of the party I chose Hercules for Ashton. I feel like Hercules as a very strong mythical character represents all of Ashton’s strength - the physical, the internal, and the mental. Not only are they an incredible fighter, but having to deal with their chronic pain and emotional anguish requires a great deal of strength. Not to mention what team Issylra have been going through recently, and how he’s done his best to be, for lack of a better term, a rock for his friends.

F.C.G. - Libra

The Libra constellation represents a scale, a form of balance, which is why I chose it for F.C.G. With his healing abilities and love of emotional counseling, F.C.G. brings a unique balance to a party of heavy hitters who don’t necessarily love talking about their emotions. Also, their newfound religion promises to bring a new perspective to the party amidst their moral conundrum with the gods, which I’m excited to watch play out.

Bertrand Bell - Corvus

Last but certainly not least, the man who inspired the name of the Bells Hells himself! Corvus, the constellation representing crows and ravens, was an obvious choice for Bretrand. Not only was taken by the Raven Queen himself, but his girlfriend, Lieve'tel, was a cleric of the Raven Queen, so he feels intrinsically tied to the Matron. And as morbid as it was, Bertrand's death really set the Bells Hells off on the chain of events that has spiraled into the story we know today.

…And that’s it! I may add more constellations in the future (I have a few in mind for some of the guests, but I don’t want it to get too cluttered), but we’ll see! I’ll definitely post more when I finish Imogen’s whole level 10 outfit as well. Thanks for reading!

[laudsimogen]

Absolution

It’s been too long since Imogen has gotten a moment alone with Laudna. Two days since she’s come back before they get rooms at an inn and finally, finally they’re alone. Finally they can talk freely.

Laudna falls onto the bed first, stretching luxuriously like a cat. “Oh, it’s so good to lie in a bed again,” she says. “I’m still quite sore. The Sun Tree was lovely, but it didn’t help in that aspect.”

Imogen sits on the edge of the bed next to her, chest tight. She lets Laudna get comfortable, then takes her hand again, gripping it tight. “Laudna,” she says, and her voice cracks. She doesn’t want to alarm Laudna, doesn’t want to be forceful. She wants to talk, and she wants it to be gentle, but her voice already betrays her emotions.

Laudna’s content smile fades. “What is it? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Imogen says. “I’m good. I’m wonderful, now that you’re back. But I just—” She takes a moment to gather herself. “You know you’re not a burden, right? You know you don’t—you don’t have to repay us or anything silly like that.”

Laudna’s gaze drops. “You all went through so much to get me. You spent days on it when you could have been doing more important things. And I’m so, so grateful, but…”

“There is nothing more important than you,” Imogen says. “Nothing. Do you understand? We didn’t bring you home out of a sense of obligation, Laudna. We did it because we love you. We didn’t want to live in a world without you. You’re worth every little bit of effort it took and more.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I wish you could see that in yourself.”

Inky tears well up in Laudna’s eyes. “I’m trying,” she says quietly. “I am. I want to see it.” She takes a deep breath. “Something feels different now, Imogen. I don’t know what it is, other than the obvious. It’s good. But it’s going to take some time to get used to.”

“That’s all right,” Imogen says, and she gently wipes the tears from Laudna’s eyes. Her hand lingers there on her cheek. “You have all the time in the world. I just don’t want you to ever think that any of us are burdened by you. Even if you feel like you weigh yourself down, that weight is light as a feather to us. We’ll pull you right back up, okay? And we’ll be glad for the honor to do it.”

Laudna nods. “If you’re sure,” she says. “I’m so lucky to have friends like you. It makes coming back so much easier, knowing I’m not alone this time.”

“You’ll never be alone again as long as I’m alive,” Imogen says. “I haven’t got the chance to say it yet, but thank you. For choosing to come back. I don’t know how hard it was, or whether you had misgivings about it, but…I’m just so grateful you’re here. I really don’t know what I woulda done if I never got to see you again. So, thank you for being so brave.”

“Imogen…” Laudna reaches up to tuck a stray lock of lavender hair behind Imogen’s ear. “It wasn’t…it wasn’t bravery. It was just love. I couldn’t go anywhere else when you were out here. I couldn’t part ways with you yet.”

Imogen had been holding it together for Laudna, but now a sob escapes her, and then another, and she collapses onto Laudna, wrapping her arms tightly around her thin frame. “Thank you,” she says, her voice muffled in Laudna’s neck. She can feel the pulse there, so slow and steady, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever want to move. “Thank you. I love you so, so much, Laudna. You have no idea.”

Laudna hugs her back, but there’s a hesitancy there. She’s silent for a moment, then speaks so quietly Imogen almost can’t hear her. “Imogen,” she says. “Is there a reason that you…that you didn’t ask me to come back? That Orym was the one who spoke to me?”

Imogen stiffens and pulls back, so shocked that her tears immediately stop. “What?”

“It’s all right,” Laudna says, though there’s a distinct sad undertone in her voice. “I’m not mad. I’m just…just curious.”

“Laudna, I did call you back,” Imogen says. “You didn’t hear me? Pike said you would hear me.”

“No.” Laudna frowns. “I heard Orym, so I followed his voice. You spoke to me, too?”

Imogen gives an incredulous laugh. “Of course I did; I can’t believe it didn’t get through. Thank the gods Orym did.”

Laudna pauses for a moment, absentmindedly tracing lines on Imogen’s hand, following the lightning marks. “What did you say?”

“Well.” Imogen hesitates. She’ll tell Laudna, of course she will, but why does it feel so much harder now? “I said a lot of things,” she says. “Mostly I just told you it was your choice to come back, no one else’s, and that I wouldn’t try to force you. That I’d be here for you no matter what if you did come back. And I told you I love you.” She smiles a little. “That’s the gist, anyway. There’s some other stuff, but…it doesn’t matter. You’re here now. We have time to talk about it later.”

“You gave me a choice.”

“Well…yeah.” Imogen keeps her eyes trained down at their entwined hands. “I’m not gonna pretend I would have been okay if you’d chosen to move on. It would have broken me. But that decision wasn’t about me; it was about you, and if moving on was what would have been best for you, I wasn’t gonna let my pain put a stop to it. You deserve better than that.”

“I think that’s the best thing anyone has ever done for me,” Laudna murmurs. “I wish I could have heard it.”

“Me, too.” Imogen curls up next to Laudna and lays her hand on her chest, just over the new scar beside her sternum. Not hiding it, not shying from it like she had while Laudna’s body had been still and empty. It was simply part of her now, and Imogen loved every part of Laudna.

“I made the right decision, in any case,” Laudna says. “I’m glad to be back here with our friends. With you.” She covers Imogen’s hand with her own and laces their fingers together. “I feel like I can face anything with you. Even though I couldn’t hear you, I knew you were here. I knew I could lean on you for support, and you would hold my hand through whatever comes. That’s the real reason I came back.”

Imogen’s heart pounds hard in her chest and she smiles up at Laudna as tears form in her eyes again. “I’m so glad I can be that for you,” she says. “Because that’s exactly how you make me feel, too. You’re my home, Laudna. You’re my heart. And I never wanna be apart from you again.”

“Oh, Imogen…” Laudna grips Imogen’s hand tightly, and Imogen can feel a slight tremble in it. “I’ll always be with you. I’ll be here next to you as long as I can be on this mortal coil, and if I ever fall off of it again…” She swallows. “I’ll find you. Somehow. I’ll do whatever it takes if you promise to do the same.”

“Of course,” Imogen whispers. “Of course. Always.”

[pixelmator5]

C3 EP59 Thoughts and Spoilers

Under the cut for obvious spoilers...

Team AOL is now confirmed to be Team Issylra, so I was right

Deni$e is my favorite of the guests, and even though I think it’s dumb, her outing her real name because she misheard someone else seems totally on brand.

I’ve never seen Utkarsh before but if he is an avid DnD player like I’ve heard he does an excellent job acting like he has never played before

I’ve heard he is likely method acting, as Bor’Dor would have no idea what he’s doing given he got his magical abilities literal hours before we met him (allegedly)

Prism is precious, and the first time I’ve ever seen a Scribes Wizard played before, which makes me excited to see what she can do.

Ashton, Orym, and Laudna are all depressed and that makes me feel things it shouldn’t.

Laudna, the one who doesn’t let anything get her down because the worst thing to happen to her has already happened, is heavily compartmentalizing and states that if she talks too much she’s scared she’ll just start crying.

Ashton who was glad they were doing something good and thought they did enough now has to come to grips with the fact that they weren’t enough after Bell’s Hells had done so much to build them up over the past several months and has gone back to their old world view after finally thinking they can make a difference

Orym, who has never let his size bother him, states that he feels small, when never before has he thought of himself as anything less than himself.

Now for my theories...

Bor’ Dor is hiding something and isn’t quite what he seems. I don’t know what it is but he almost seems a little too clueless.

Deni$e is a Totem Barbarian 5/Thief Rogue 4. The thief seems self explanatory but the totem stuff is pure speculation. Given her combat actions, we can safely eliminate most options, including Ancestral, Zealot, Storm, Wild Magic, and Beast, leaving Battlerager, Berserker, and Totem Warrior. Totem is just a hunch but what I believe she’ll more than likely be, and she has to have at least 5 levels to take two attacks, so we know that’s the minimum barbarian level she can have.

Prism will end up carrying the party through an encounter later, pure Wizard queen shit, that’s all I got.

Orym is finally breaking down and I hate that but at the same time he needs feel his emotions, trying to stay strong just isn’t helping at this point and he needs to just let himself finally cry, or flip the fuck out, or something.

Ashton and Laudna will feel bad when they find out what was happening while they were off trying to destroy a power source during the solstice and ending up being no help. This will only further their depression, compartmentalization, and self-worth issues as a result. One will have to be the rock for the other but neither of them are going to be emotionally available enough to do so (Ashton is trying, but he very clearly has his own shit going on that, like Orym, he’s just trying to stay strong through.)