#more likely situation is that things continue to just get shittier

[publicdomainbooksdevotee]

This was the last week for half the managers at our store (and probably all the other stores in the chain), so starting next week we get to be in the Find Out phase.

[mangoshorthand]

If we're insisting on a romantic plotline for Five set up in Season 3

Right. I've heard people saying that Five/Lila was set up from season 3. That all their banter was deliberate foreshadowing or something. Now, I'm not sure if that's something the writers said or if that's just people seeing banter and affection and then attributing it to romance with the benefit of foresight. (If it's the former, then it was set up extremely poorly and frankly I refuse to believe that was the plan).

So, if Five had to have a romance plot in s4, (as Blackman decreed) here's how I would have set it up from season 3 in a way that would hopefully not have seemed too weird/forced.

One of the main gripes people had about that season is that most of the Sparrows were introduced and then discarded quickly, so the introduction of a plotline in which Five has a dynamic with one of them might have gone some way towards helping with this.

Now, I know that pairing Five with a Sparrow is an overused fanfic trope that rarely plays well and it's kinda weird for TWO Hargreeves boys to pair up with their multiverese sisters, BUT we are living under Blackman-law and thus Aidan Gallagher must swap spit with someone as soon as possible after turning 18 so this is the best I have:

I would change/develop (and potentially recast) Jayme. Be prepared...this is long:

Personality/Background

She feels out of place in her family.

She hates the limelight and doesn't cooperate in their branding activities.

Even with Reggie drugged up, life feels just as shitty (maybe shittier) to her being under Marcus' regime.

She's been done with the whole sparrow academy thing since she was a kid and is fascinated by the somethings and nothings of ordinary life.

She has a tendency to 'run away' and do her own thing. The Sparrows see her as unreliable and selfish.

She's cynical and feels no loyalty to the Sparrows as a whole, but she does have personal loyalty to Sloane and Alphonso.

You could put her in the wrong/younger body like Five, which could also be leveraged to put distance between herself and the other sparrows, but I also think that would be too convenient a plot contrivance to play well on screen.

I would keep Season 3's plot largely similar, just with the addition of a friendship between Five and Jayme:

S3 E1+2

Initial fight

Five and Jayme have the same initial fight scene with a little more prominence. It goes roughly the same way but perhaps add a bit more interaction/smack talk between them.

Bar Room conversion

At the point Five is first wearing his retirement outfit, a situation occurs that sees he and Jayme sitting at the bar of the hotel obsidian. There are few hard feelings about the fight. They grouse a little and rub along well even though Five clearly thinks she's a spy.

They get onto the kiss with hallucinatory Delores and Five's whole story comes out.

Jayme thinks the peace and quiet of the apocalypse sounds kind of nice (a notion he thoroughly disabuses her of).

She finds herself oddly touched by Five's devotion to getting home to his family, although she can't really fathom doing the same and finds it hilarious that he continues to insist that she must be a spy because they're her family.

Jayme tells a story of being a child and hiding in the mansion and playing house in a little den where nobody could find her. It was her escape. When she got older, she used to escape the mansion and hitchhike around the country for weeks at a time, enjoying a slice of ordinary life.

Five asks her why she came back every time instead of staying away. She can't answer him, but the answer is obvious to him: she too loves her family and doesn't really know how to live in the real world beyond her childhood 'playing house' in her den.

She strikes back that it takes one to know one, and Five concedes this.

But her story chimes with Five, and this is what catalyses his retirement/roadtrip arc with Klaus.

S3 E3-6

Five is pretty busy so they don't interact again until E7. BUT...

The bar room conversation with Five pricks Jayme's conscience and she throws herself into trying to find Marcus and protecting her family.

The confrontation with Harlan goes similarly except Jayme doesn't die and she is instead devastated about Alphonso's death, making her one of the fiercest advocates for killing Harlan. She's angry that Allison did it and she couldn't.

S3 E7

Before trapping the Kugelblitz in Christoper

Jayme lashes out at Five/all of them. Five correctly intuits that she's still upset about Alphoso and angry she didn't get to kill Harlan.

He comforts her in his uptight way and tells her from experience that killing for revenge/out of anger doesn't do any good, but resonates with her that not being able to save the people you love is a terrible, powerless feeling. He ends in saying that, for what it's worth, she shouldn't feel bad for wanting a normal life.

She hugs him tightly, surprising him. He hugs back stiffly but not unhappily.

Post-Kugel-trapping

Lila encourages Five onto the dancefloor, and Five in turn encourages Jayme onto the dancefloor.

They dance and laugh, and it's clear that they enjoy being dance partners. There are a few cross shots that show them liking one another's company. The last we see them together is somewhere around Lila telling Diego she's pregnant and Luther and Sloane's engagement:

Five and her are slumped on a couch. She said she's glad it's over and she's going to put all this behind her.

He asks what she's going to do. She says she wants to try to be a family without being a Sparrow and find her own way in the world. She's going to open a little coffee shop, grow her own food, find a simple life. What about him?

He tells her that his road trip with Klaus didn't go as planned, so he's planning to get nice convertible and go travelling for a while. She says that he'd better put her coffee shop on his route. He replies that he'd like that, and then leaves to find Viktor.

Right before the Kugel-splosion

She is in the conversation with Ben, Christopher and Fei and states her intent to leave and have nothing to do with their plans, but still wants to stay on good terms.

They reject her pretty roundly, and she leaves to go and find Sloane thinking she'll have more luck with her.

And then Christopher blows.

Halfway up the stairs, Jayme is unconscious as a result of some falling rubble, and the expanding Kugelblitz puts her and Ben in equal danger. Five instinctively saves Ben (because he will always choose his family) and Jayme dies in the mansion.

S3 E8-10 (After Jayme's Death)

Five feels guilty and more than a little resentful of Sparrow Ben's assholery given what happened.

His decision to give up the fight and accept the end of the world is somewhat influenced by his bitterness over this.

Otherwise, S3 continues unchanged.

S4 (nearly there)

I would have to rewrite the entire series, but here are the basics:

Jayme crops up again, unable to remember anything until marigold is reintroduced.

She and Five are the ones who get stuck in the subway (or similar plot device that allows years to pass for them while no time passes for Five's siblings). They get together relatively quickly, maybe within a year or so. They have a peaceful few years together growing their own food and trying to coax an old barista station back to life so they can make their own coffee. They're both genuinely happy, Jayme absolutely thrives there, and there would be lots of scenes of Aidan Gallagher kissing someone for Steve to enjoy. (Sorry Steve. Your writing decisions might suck but I'm really giving you a hard time here.)

When Five finds the journal, he hides it from her, although he clearly struggles with himself over it, and becomes unhappy. After a few months of him not being himself, Jayme finally gets it out of him.

When she asks why, Five's all: "Because I choose you. I didn't choose you last time so I'm choosing you this time. I love you blah blah kissy kissy for Steve"

And Jayme's like "Yeah, I appreciate it but I love you too. You wouldn't be the man I love if you didn't leave this behind and go back to your family. I want you to be happy and you can't be happy knowing that you can get back to them."

Five accepts this sadly and thanks her for the little slice of normality and peace they shared together. For a moment it looks like she's going to stay and he's going to leave, but at the last second she joins him. Five is her family now, and so are all the Umbrellas too. She can't keep 'playing house' alone. Wherever they are, she will be happy.

And then the series ends totally differently and they all get their happy endings.

[theemporium]

Ooooooh I'm gonna use this opportunity to request an angst prompt with our boy steve harrington

“i didn’t realise i was such an inconvenience.”

thank you for the request, love! enjoy some angsty feels!!🖤

6. “I didn’t realise I was such an inconvenience”

.

Steve Harrington was having a shit week. 

Everyday this week he had woken up under the assumption it couldn’t get any worse, and it did. Every. Single. Time.

He lost his favourite jacket on Monday? His car would break down on Tuesday. 

He dropped his lunch and went the rest of his shift starving on Thursday? A bird shat on him just before he got into work on Friday and he had to use the staff bathroom sink to try to wash out what he could. 

Steve was just having a really shitty week and he just wanted it to be done and over with. 

By the time he got home on Sunday night, he was tired and he was grumpy and he just wanted his bed. He didn’t even care about the pang of hunger in his stomach, winter was unforgivable in Hawkins and he wanted a bath and his bed. 

Except just before he could even make it to the staircase, the shrill of the phone ringing echoed through the house and he quickly made his way over, his frustration evident in his voice as he answered. 

“What?” 

“Stevie?”

His eyebrows furrowed a little when your voice came through the phone. “Baby?”

“You haven’t left yet?”

Steve’s frown deepened. “Left what?” 

“The house.” There was a brief pause. “You said you’d pick me up after work.” 

He let out a small string of curse words, the conversation from earlier today hitting him. You had been talking about how the bus had been becoming more unreliable the colder it got, that sometimes you’d be waiting at the stop for over an hour before it showed up. Steve had scoffed and told you he would pick you up, that there was no way his girl was going to wait out in the cold. 

But his eyes found the clock and he realised your shift had ended forty minutes ago. 

“Shit, baby, I–” he let out a heavy sigh. “I forgot.” 

“It’s fine, Steve. I can wait a little longer.” 

He let out a disgruntled noise. “Can’t you get somebody else to pick you up? It’s late and I–” 

“Really?” He could hear the disappointment in your voice. “It’s like a ten minute drive, Steve.”

“Baby, I just got in and I’m tired and–” you cut him off before he got the chance to continue.

“I didn’t realise I was such an inconvenience, Steve, but you were the one who offered the ride.” 

Steve sighed. “I know but–”

“Never mind, I’ll just get the bus.” 

His brows furrowed together. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you at Dustin’s for movie night.” 

“I thought you were coming over tomorrow,” he said it like it was a fact. “Movie night is on Wednesday.” 

“I’m busy.” 

“Baby–” But the high-pitched ringing let him know that you had hung up on the other side. 

Steve had spent his whole relationship with Nancy feeling like he was begging for even the smallest of scraps. He would jump through hoops and put himself in uncomfortable situations just to spend time with her. And the times she shut him down, he remembered the pang of humiliation and embarrassment that overwhelmed him.

And now he had just stupidly done the same to you. 

His relationship with you was everything he wanted. It was by no means easy but no relationship ever fully was. But you understood each other and loved each other, and Steve finally met someone who could return the love he could give. 

And then he just had to go become the one thing he hated. 

Steve’s week just got a whole lot shittier, but this time he had no one to blame but himself.

.

[bibuckaroo]

you’re eren jeager. you’re eight years old and trapped inside walls your entire life and hate every second of it and then your best (and only) friend shows you there’s a possibility of more, of the outside world, of freedom. you're nine years old and you just killed someone for the first time because what they were doing was wrong and as much you like to pretend it didn't affect you because they were just filthy animals, you still get nightmares about it. you're ten years old and you dream of joining the scouting legion so you can finally see the outside world because they represent freedom for you due to their symbol, but oh the titans just broke down the walls and your mom got eaten right in front of you and suddenly it's much bigger than that, it's not just a dream, it's a goal, so you can get rid of every last one of them. you’re twelve years old and people keep on telling you, you’re not gonna make it, you won’t last in the military and you’ll never achieve your goal, and you prove them wrong, every. single. time. you’re fifteen years old and you finally made it, but you wake up and there are a thousand guns pointed at you and the two people you love most in the world are standing between you and danger (as always, and you hate yourself and you feel so guilty and you feel so useless) and they’re asking you if you’re human or a titan and that makes absolutely no sense, because of course you’re human but that does not matter. you get hated on, you are experimented on, you get tortured and through all of this, you push forward because you believe you’re making a difference and you’re helping humanity survive and if you’re suffering through all of this? it’s okay, because you deserve it, i mean, look at how many people die so you can live, look how many times your friends get put into dangerous situations, look at how mikasa and armin’s lives keep on getting shittier because they continue to care about you and through all of this, people treat you as humanity’s hope or as a weapon, but never as a person, because that’s not what you are for them and they keep on saying that if you want to save anybody and make a difference, you have to learn how to control your powers and how to make sacrifices, to let go of your humanity in order to do it. you’re sixteen years old and you know everything you’re going to do, and you want to tell it to the people you trust but you don’t want to burden them with that knowledge because they already have enough on their plate as it is. you’re eighteen years old and you tried to change the outcome from the things you’ve seen multiple times, but every single time you fail because every decision has already been made for you and you’re helpless to do anything but watch, you try to find a different solution, however everything you think of, brings about the doom for your people. you’re nineteen years old and you abandoned everything you cared about in order to reach your goal, everybody hates you, but not as much as you hate yourself, but it’s okay because at least (most of) the people you love will be safe and you will die by the hands of the woman you love, it’s more than you deserve because now you truly are the devil they’ve always accused you of being. and in the end the boy who longed for freedom, was the most entrapped of them all.

[andsoigotabutterfly]

Little update on Save Me From Her...

Sorry I keep you guys waiting more and more on the chapters. I feel like I struggle writing it and here's why;

First of all, it was deeply personal from the start. The first few times I wrote the chapters I didn't even register it, but I was pouring myself into Yanna herself (that's what I call Y/N characters. I couldn't ever read it as my name or didn't write Y/N's as if the reader was the one who I was writing about, sorry for that) and into the whole situation as well.

Years ago (like waaay back) I suffered a pretty bad arm injury that almost killed me, and I thought it would be pretty neat to write a story that had something like that. So I figured out a short little story for it, yet when I was writing chapter two (I originally planed 3-4 chapters lol) I somewhy thought I could drag it out, so (naturaly) without planing anything I dragged it out. I was always figuring out what was going to happen next while I was writing the story. Life just got shittier and shittier during all this and then someone very dear to me suffered a near death situation, got hospitalised and all that. The whole thing felt way too close to what I was writing and (knowing at least the very end of what would happen at my story) I started writing more and more reluctantly, because what if that happens with us as well? (Yeah, the ending would and will be pretty angsty...)

Second, I changed a lot. My mind's a bit clearer and I started to plan out my life and where I'm going to head with me, myself and I.

Because of these (mostly the first part) I have decided that I am going to end the series, but do not threat! I am leaving it here, and I am going to finish it. In the future, if things get better around here, I am going to restart the series. Write the whole thing once again, but now planned out and (hopefuly) depicted more clearly. I am sorry for this, but I feel like if I would continue it now, it would feel like a drag and wouldn't be the best I could make it. And it would really fucking hurt if I somehow predicted what would happen, and wrote it for anyone to see how miserable it all turned out.

If you still want to see me write, feel free to send asks and everything you want because I won't stop writing, just SMFH.

I am deeply sorry and I do promise, that if it turns out good in the end I will return with it. I hope you all can forgive me.

[rappaccini]

What are the wips that ended up in Arachnophobia?

(from this)

oh man like... over half of them. tbh the reason why it's so fucking huge is it's a dozen fic pieces stitched together

first of all, to lose all my senses was the original version of arachnophobia. started writing it straight out of the theater. it was canon-compliant with atsv and roughly followed this scenario where gwen's on a suicide mission to redeem herself to miles because she's fully internalized the idea that she doesn't deserve to be a hero and the best she can be is a good loyal love interest who's remembered well after she's killed. except unlike in the scenario, it ends in a gwiles endgame where gwen's stuck in comphet hell, trying to convince herself she's happy. i didn't finish it because it was too depressing and i got too mad. all the salt ended up in arachnophobia.

as below, so above and the thief of life are companion fics told from miles and hobie's perspectives, like something more is for margo. same continuity, same timeframe, same eight-chapter structure, just going into their own canons and what they're up to while gwen's off punching walls and having a psychosexual friendship with gayatri. i might write these, but if i do it won't be soon-- hobie's fic might happen before btsv, but miles's definitely won't bc i want to wait until btsv gives us a canon personality for miles-42 and shows us what the fuck's gonna happen with the spot.

on a related note, ready to fly, ready to die and i may not be around were both earth-138a wips. i've already talked about the first, but i may not be around was about hobie's relationship with gwen-138a, and how she essentially shaped his ideology as a punk and was the founding influence of the revolution he starts. neither will ever be written because most of the details would be added to the thief of life, assuming i get around to it.

give it a hundred years, aka the bittersweet ghostpunk tinfoil hat fic where i go super deep into how whenever gwen and hobie have a significant interaction across different continuities, they're moving closer and closer to each other and to endings where they get to change their narratives for the better (aka the 'in every other universe we find each other, and it hasn't worked out yet but maybe it'll be different someday' dynamic the spiderverse writers think they have with gwiles actually belongs to ghostpunk. i will write you an essay on this.), might still make it into the thief of life. we'll see.

as for the e-65 fics...

melt my wings and call it fun took all the known details about earth-8, including the ugly implications about miles and gwen's relationship, and tried to piece it together. all the earth-8 backstory in arachnophobia (and as below, so above, if i ever write it) comes from this outline. however this outline did not give miles and gwen the benefit of sympathetic reasons to abandon their worlds, cash out on their identities and try to make their situation work. it also didn't put them on equal footing in private. it's just a very fucked-up story about gwen pretending she's one half of a power couple when she's essentially a trophy wife to a guy who's too immature for her, and trying to convince herself that being surrounded by nice things and having a good reputation are enough to justify the progressively shittier and shittier things she and miles are doing to each other to keep them (including a 20yr old gwen manipulating a teenage miles into a relationship he's not old enough for and miles pressuring gwen into agreeing to two unwanted pregnancies; oh my GOD earth-8 is terrible and fascinating and could've been so juicy if bendis realized what he was writing.) and telling herself the whole time that she has control over a situation that is definitely skewed in miles's favor bc that's absolutely how bendis imagined earth-8 when he created this relationship.

waiting for the sirens was about gwen, right after the lizard killing, coming to terms with the reality that peter65 was a terrible person. half-written, abandoned and eventually added to the gwens' conversation about peter parker in arachnophobia.

the pull of another is about gwen and her symbiote (her TRUE love interest tbh) learning to live together. recycled into arachnophobia, when gwen-b gets hers.

sixth sense of a calling was about gwen-617 founding the council of spider-women. recycled into arachnophobia's ending, where gwen-65b does it instead.

with a heavy heart's the sad ghostpunk fic. basically it's about gwen and hobie having a doomed relationship that ends in hobie doing what he'll probably do in btsv and encouraging gwiles to get together because in the end he doesn't think he can stop The Narrative. got the idea because thinking about the gwiles-8 wedding playing out with hobie sitting in the front row having to smile through the whole thing made my blood boil. never finished because i hate characterizing spider-punk that way. a lot of it's in pieces in arachnophobia and the thief of life-- but more in the sense that those fics are taking that idea out behind the shed and shooting it.

a million miles and running's the happy ghostpunk fic where they do actually survive and beat their tragedies together. never got past the outline stage because it was lifted pretty much entirely for arachnophobia and the thief of life.

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 27: Work Vague Blog

Really, really can’t talk about it in detail but I have some feelings about work stuff, so I think I’ll vague blog it.

…I think my most practical concern is that we won’t do rollover at the beginning of next week, which is rather a small detail but it’s the one that affects me in a day-to-day way because if we don’t suddenly I can’t do big parts of my job. I guess I can buy a lot of stuff. Hope it doesn’t show up until we’re in FY25 officially. I don’t know. This is such a detail to focus on, so dumb. But at least it’s something that I understand. Something that feels real and concrete too.

When I say completely seriously that this was the whole day—I did a few other things, but even if I wasn’t talking about it, someone was talking about it. Ten minute meeting that lasted 90. Plot so thick it’s turning into ice cream. I feel like I’m jumping out of my skin, restless with nervous energy.

I think what’s getting to me is that I cannot judge the severity of the situation. On the one hand, it feels more serious than most other dramas and things that come around. And it sounds bad. It sounds really bad. But on the other hand, I think I have a strong belief that most things will just default back to how they were. Like we’ll talk about it and people will get stressed and we’ll all collectively build each other up in our collective emotions, but then we’ll just live with it. No really big consequences, and maybe everything is that much shittier, but it does go on. And yet the possibility that this is some sort of turning point continues to nag at me.

I suppose in particular it’s the hope that maybe someone will face appropriate consequences for something for once. Like… please don’t get away with this. Please don’t just continue to, not even ignore, but actively reward bad behavior. Does it stick in my craw a little bit that I genuinely try at my job every day and in earnest and have to scrounge for raises that don’t even really keep up with cost of living and then other people get actively promoted when apparently they, like… really kind of suck actually? Like they’re not just cold and unfriendly people who shouldn’t have minions they like actually can’t do the core tasks of their job and it’s truly concerning? Yes.

Also maybe we should have hired a JD for this position, I mean. Something to throw out there.

I feel like everyone was very careful not to accuse anyone of malicious intentions in this and sure fine, whatever. I think that’s true. I also think we can be judgmental about incompetence and about negligence too. Negligence in the mens rea sense is about what you should have known if you were being reasonable and I’m fully okay expecting people to behave reasonably in situations such as this and to know things they should have known. It’s not, oh, just negligence to me.

Aaaah I am screaming and running around internally.

I need today to be Thursday and not Friday because if it were Friday I’d be very ill prepared and yet… work tomorrow. I don’t know what to expect. Will I be coming out of my skin? Will others? Will I learn things? Will I actually have to concentrate on work tasks? Unbelievable. Unrelatable. Unrealistic. My brain’s not going to have that, I don’t think.

[insom-nom-nom-niatic]

My little rant because I'm going to either end up in jail or in tears in a minute and I need to just get it out so neither of those happen:

Found out today, nonchalantly, that the person whom got kicked out of my current job area and could never make it or learn that they need to learn how to not be a dick and a know it all and blame everyone else for any problems...  is now planned to come back to this job area and is now wanted to take over the position that I have been talked about to go into that position for at least 2 years.

 I had a conversation about them wanting me in this position when they finally get the person that is currently holding that title to leave ... not even a month ago.

I have been out of work for 2 1/2 months due to an injury that everyone who watched the video of the incident all agreed that there is absolutely NOTHING I could have done to make the situation any different. I work with dogs so there is almost always something someone could've done differently... making my situation much different than the typical shit we deal with.

And it is to my understanding, the reason that this other person is now being wanted for that position is because I have been out on medical leave for so long.

As if that was my choice.

I wouldn't be driving myself fucking crazy every day if that was my choice.

I wouldn't not be able to use my entire right arm if that was my choice.

I wouldn't be fucking broke because the US Workmen's Comp. system is fucked up if that was my choice.

But here I am, working even though it goes against everything my doctors say I'm allowed to do and training and re-training everyone because no one else knows the shit that I do or can do the shit that I do... just to be used and looked over. 

So here's the question if anyone has made it this far and would like to give some advice:

THE 'FUCK IT' OPTION: I do the hardest thing for me and not give 110% of me to this job as I always have done and use any energy that is more than 50% into this job and use that into creating my own businesses?

THE 'POWER THROUGH' OPTION: I continue to do the work that I have always done and get 110% into this and try to help everyone out because I thrive in chaos when no one else does and I'm the only one that fights for anything. And I hope for the best with this other person not going into that position and me being the second choice? 

And TBH... I've been done with this company for years. But when you're good at some thing it's hard to go anywhere else. Especially when you have the health problems that I do and I know the people where I'm at almost like family for a few of them and know I can count on them not judging the shit out of me.  and the money isn't great but it's survivable. Compared to anything else that I could possibly be doing right now right off the bat... it's better than most other jobs.

I always get the question of "do you see yourself staying with this company for your entire life", and the answer has always been no. I don't want to be a part of this shitty company and shittier rules and people and things that stop you from doing what's best for animals. But at the same time, it's not going to change so if I'm doing it I at least know that things are being taken care of and it doesn't pay too terribly.  it's not at all what I want to do for my life. What I want to do is most likely not actually reachable. So if I'm talking realistically, it could possibly be some thing I do my entire life even though I would rather not. 

[daechwitatamic]

lol Unfortunately I think this is a scenario that is triggering for me and probably many of us! I guess I should explain what made me mad, but I think it's just all of the little red flags we are starting to see pop up.

He can't bring her some medicine for her headache or offer to help in any way? He has to check if her headache is gone before committing to come over? He pressures her to throw a party for his friends and then doesn't even show up to help? He can't ask if it's okay for him to bring random girlies with him?

The worst thing with these situations is that these tiny little things are never enough to actually get mad at or have a confrontation about, but they add up! But beyond him probably knowing she is in love with him and doing nothing about it because he likes the company and attention, he is just straight up not being a very good friend right now. Not cool, Taetae. You're breaking my heart.

I'm so eager for more of this story and I know while Taehyung is probably going to get shittier, I'm sure we'll also see some insight into the background of their friendship that help us understand YN's perspective and willingness to put up with his bs a bit more.

I also lost my mom when I was in college and can completely relate to the trauma that comes with losing that unconditional parental love and how that affects your other relationships, so I'm really interested to see more of that part of the story as well.

Thank you for posting this early treat for us!

🌴

You always show up making EXTREMELY valid points 😅 I’m just gonna say… you’re right, tae is NOT being a good friend! I have a LOT of thoughts and some explanation about this topic but I’d rather wait and have that discourse at the end so i don’t spoil anything.

Thank you for sharing a little of your story with me. I hate that you’re going through that. Please promise me you’ll continue this series with care, because there will be scenes of oc talking about and coping with her loss.

I’m excited to see what you think next week!!

[eriellesudario]

Lets Talk About It: Depression and how it affected me

​​Trigger Warning: Depression

PS: I plan to make a video about this topic in the future

PPS: I’m not trying to get attention. I don’t want pity. I just want to release my thoughts about what’s bothering me. I don’t really enjoy talking it out because it just goes full circle and things just get really complicated and it will make me feel way more shittier than I was hours before. It’s best if I type it out.

PPPS: Not gonna put names and gender pronounce cuz defamation law exist.

Depression sucks.

But before I continue on, I need to tell you what depression is.

According to Beyondblue, depression is more than being sad and moody. It’s feeing really bad about yourself that it affects your physical and mental health. Some of the symptoms involve a lot of things such as being anti-social, feeling guilty, unfocused, headaches, loss of appetite and so many others.

Here is a link to Beyondblue’s site for more information

And for me, I somewhat suffer from it.

Sadly, my condition wasn’t officially diagnosed by a doctor or any medical professional, but based on the observation from my peers, high school teachers (from both high schools I’ve been in), advice from Headspace, my family, and as well as searching it up on Google on symptoms… I pretty much have it and this year, the people around me are getting really concerned about it.

Just recently, one of my co-workers in my part time job thought I just stormed out of work just because I looked ‘really really upset’ but in reality, I went out to get dinner and I had a lot going on in my mind that night.

The reason why I don’t go to a doctor or a professional about it is a really complicated reason involving me and my entire family that’s best not to get into.

But even if I never get it checked, I pretty much have it (I think).

In the past, mental health was never advocated in my primary school back in the Philippines. The only time I got to hear the words ‘bullying’, ‘depression’ and ‘suicide’ was in mid Term 2 in Year 7 when the bullying got worse for me that teachers started to notice that I wasn’t happy in class and theories started to form. They had to confront me and ask what was wrong, and when I mean that, I mean they had to convince me to tell them because as someone who has zero knowledge on what bullying is, I wouldn’t spill the beans due to fear.

From time to time in high school, I still continued to feel like rubbish, but it wasn’t as bad as it was this year (we’ll get to that later). Normally I’d get upset, probably for the whole day and the next day, I’d feel better unless the issue continues.

In senior year however, I pretty much had a grudge against my high school due to the ‘incident’ that I will not go into much detail because it will just trigger memories that I want to forget. But my friends knew how during year 12 that I wanted to get out of high school, to graduate and just go to university.

2016 was one of my best years in regards towards my mental health, not because I got support from university lecturers to pursuit my passions, not because Dan and Phil came to Australia, not because of my average grades, not even because of the Phandom Meet Ups and the extraordinary experiences I’ve done throughout the year. Despite all of those being good valid reasons why I was mentally well that time, the real reason is that I because my social life was balanced. I was able to calm myself down because I wasn’t expected to fully socialise with others. Yes, I have made friends but I was in a situation where I’m satisfied with the bond and relationship we currently have. Mainly because I knew that I wouldn’t see most of these people during second year because of majors and timetable stuff.

Yes, I will admit that there were some rough days and times where I returned to feeling depressed but they didn’t last long or affected me real badly. It didn’t phased me much since the good moments weighed over the bad.

2017 however… this was a game changer.

I started having a more active social life. And it was both a good and bad thing.

Good thing because it means I’m no longer alone and we need to make connections (cuz it’s uni), but bad cuz I have less experience with socialising with others that I tend to do a lot of stupid shit… which leads to terrible outcomes and embarrassment.

If you follow me on Twitter and Tumblr, then you already know before hand what I’m going to be talking about.

Around 6 weeks ago, I met someone. This person was really… REALLY nice. Like they we’re really cool and for some reason, this person knew everything there is to know about me in under an hour. We’ve met IRL a few times but I make use of that time to know them more.

Then one night, we watched a movie together. It was fun. We went to Woolies before the film and I told them that I can eat a large bucket of popcorn alone. They didn’t believe me but I proved them wrong afterwards. After the movie, the uni squad and my online friend Acacia noticed that I was happier than before. They saw this happiness was more than my excitement when I met Dan and Phil for Cool For Summer. It was the feeling of belonging. I told them that this person was like me (and they were), we’re both photography nerds, we plan to go to Vivid Sydney together and my intensions to know them more.

My friends think this person is a cool dude* and wish to meet them in real life (especially Acacia). Some even started to ship us. And I don’t mind since people shipped me with other people before.

Biggest shipper is Acacia.

*I call everyone a dude btw, both girls, boys and anyone in between

But this post is not about me ranting about what my friend did to make me upset.

This post is about how I felt and how it affected me.

Recently, I screwed up a friendship with them. This person who I thought was super cool and super nice… started to treat me badly. People told me to stop being afraid to express myself, to take a chance and be me, knowing that this person is clearly similar to me… except older… and perhaps more nerdier than me.

Basically:

So much is going on in university + me doing stupid shit = The friendship is in the brink of being over.

To be honest, I (and plenty of others) thinks its over but my heart believes that there is still hope for it to last.

But in reality, nope.

This affected me real bad.

How bad?

May 18 2017.

I became an emotional mess. I cried in the library, fandom antics couldn’t cheer me up, YouTube didn’t help and I was pretty much alone because all of my friends were not around to help me.

Minutes later, I DM’ed one of my friends who thankfully was online and vented out about my loneliness and why I’m feeling like rubbish. Then the uni squad finally arrived to my rescue. They allowed me to cry in front of them because they knew I was holding my feelings in for a very long time that I could no longer hold it any longer. I made it sound like I’m fine for a long period of time, that I’m ok with it with everything that happened. But I really wasn’t. I was crying, and really upset, and a few people from uni who were near where my friends and I were, came and comforted me. My friends tried to make me laugh and told me that they will beat this person up for being a nerd (or being more nerdy since I’m also a nerd). But what really comforted me the most was when I asked one of my friends for a hug. This friend wasn’t much of a hugger but our other friends had to convince them to do it because I was in a really, really low mood and I really needed a hug. It was really nice and perhaps one of the best hugs I’ve ever received.

I did eventually feel better but I still wasn’t ok. I still get triggered when I’m in certain locations in university (mostly the library) and I now have a tendency to have a mental breakdown when I’m alone for a long period of time.

Luckily, I managed to calm myself down and was able to get my work done but who knows when I will break down again.

But what I’m worried the most is about what will happen to me when I go to Vivid Sydney.

This person and I planned to go to Vivid Sydney together to take photos (and perhaps model for each other) for portfolio purposes, but due to all the drama that occurred, it’s more likely I will be going alone. I’m totally cool with going solo, but what I’m worried about is having an emotional breakdown… in the middle of Vivid!

People are telling me not to go and cancel. I don’t want to since Vivid is the perfect opportunity for me to practice night photography and this event was like a good luck charm for me. Vivid 2014 was my first vlog that I’ve ever posted on the internet and my blog post for Vivid 2015 was one of the reasons why I made it in to university.

I have to go.

But the question is: Will I be ok?

So how am I feeling right now?

I’m getting better a bit.

It will take a while for me to fully recover but at the moment, I will try to smile a bit. I can’t be this upset forever.

I know I have friends who are already tired of me talking about this and I apologise but please note that it really takes a long while for me to move on. Hopefully by second semester, I’m back to my fangirl self.

And to the person who I’m talking about in this blog post, if you see this, you were a really cool dude. Like I enjoyed having you as company and the reason why I message you a lot is because when I messaged you about a few of my problems, you made me feel better. And I enjoy having you around, you’re easy to talk to.

Guess that’s not happening anymore.

But what can we learn from this?

Don’t take your friends for granted. It’s really hard for me to make friends and when I do, most of the time, we hardly have anything in common except we’re doing the same subjects.

Like I said, this person was almost exactly similar to me. We had a lot of common interest and we can talk about films without anyone getting lost (cuz the uni squad are film nerds). And knowing that I screwed up and the chances of us still remaining friends is really slim, it hurts me emotionally because I constantly blame myself for what happened when my friends constantly tell me that it’s not my fault.

But overall, it’s to try to have control over your mental health. This is easier said than done but for me, I can’t keep blaming myself or feeling hurt over something like this. There will be other people who might be the perfect match.

But right now, I just need to work my way to letting go.

But just saying… I really enjoyed your company and I really did want to know you more. I guess my approach wasn’t… the ideal way to do it.

[clarabellewrites]

chapter 2 teaser: dang!

Before Fez officially asked Lexi to be his girl, she came by the store with hands stuffed deep in her jacket pockets. Nervous but determined—a common look on her face these days.

Fez was busy restocking the shelves. Lexi snuck up from behind, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Fez," she said, smiling wide.

He pretended to be surprised. "Lexi Howard!"

(Of course Fez knew when she came in. There were security mirrors all throughout the place. No cameras, though. That shit was bad for business.)

"Hi." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, leaning against an array of toothbrushes and floss. "I, um...have something for you?"

"For real?" Now he was surprised. "Shit, it ain't my birthday."

"No, you're right. Wait, do I know when your birthday is?" Lexi asked, her cheeks quickly turning red. "Nevermind, forget I said that."

"You good." He chuckled, adding another row of ibuprofen to the rack—next to the pregnancy tests, tampons and a bunch of other lady shit. "It's in January, after New Year's."

"Oh, nice." There was a small pause, then she reached in her pocket. "Well, here ya go!"

Lexi shoved a rectangular box at him. He fumbled with the gift, barely recovering.

"What's this?" Fezco asked.

"Open it and you'll find out," Lexi said, getting some of that fire back.

So he did, unlatching the black case to reveal a singular chain. So similar to the necklace he always wore around his neck, given to him by his grandma almost ten years ago—only this one was silver, not gold.

"Damn, Lexi, this is—"

"—a lot, I know, but I found it in my dad's stuff the other day and I always see you wearing yours, so I thought you might like another." She shrugged, wringing her hands together. "I don't know much about jewelry, though. You could probably make some good money. Better you than him, anyway. He's always taking stuff from our—"

"Hey, hey," he interrupted, voice going soft against his will. "Lexi. I ain't sellin' your dad's stuff, c'mon now."

"Okay... So you like it?"

"'Course I do," Fez answered, slowly closing the latch and holding it back out to her. "But I can't take this."

He did know much about Mr. Howard, but clearly there was a story there. It felt wrong to take something so personal from a man Fez had never met.

"Why not?" Lexi protested, continuing to convince him otherwise. She pushed the box away. "So you don't wanna pawn it—he will! Won't even miss the fucking thing. Trust me."'

"Alright, alright," he said, making sure to catch her eyes. How could Fez properly explain what this meant? "Thanks, Lex. Best gift I ever had, for real."

Fezco wasn't used to people coming to him for purely selfless reasons. Everyone was playing an angle. Addicts needed their fix for the cheapest amount of money possible. For those who couldn't pay up, they offered anything they could. Food, clothes—and yes, sometimes jewelry. Even sex. If he were a shittier person, Fez could take full advantage of the situation. Other dealers definitely did.

Rue was an addict, through and through. She didn't come to him for drugs anymore. Not since that day—screaming from one side of the door, silence from the other. After they made up, his sister just wanted someone to listen.

Ash needed a brother to look out for him. Ever since he showed up at Fez and Marie's doorstep, Ashtray required the bare necessities—formula, pacifiers, you name it—but there was clearly so much more to raising a baby than just diapers. Still a kid himself, Fezco made sure the boy was taken care of. It wouldn't win him any awards, but hey, that was life.

With his suppliers, they wanted money too. In addition to that: Power, greed and a way to move up on the food chain. It usually meant stepping on guys like Fez to do that.

But Lexi? He couldn't figure her out. She didn't seem all that interested in drugs or booze. (Close relationships with addicts tended to have an affect on people.) Money never came up either. Despite the fact that Lexi was way out of his league, she texted him all day long and just gave him an incredibly personal gift. Clearly the signs were pointing towards interest.

He quickly put on the chain and watched as Lexi's face lit up. In that moment, Fez vowed to ask her out. (When the time was right, of course.)

It was the easiest decision he ever made.

*

read the rest here!

[alltheselights]

i agree on the double standards and most of the time it's unfair, but don't you think there's a difference in Harry singing about Olivia and parading with her AND the babygate situation? I mean it in the sense Olivia is a grown up woman and has agreed to this weather the kiddo didn't ask to be brought into this (fuck his entire family which are the ones that are allowing this for some money, they are the ones to blame). I think people get more upset in louis case before of this and wouldn't care that much if what they were pushing was Eleaunor. or maybe that's just me

At the end of the day though both are disusting, because Harry is seem like a homewrecker which is no better than a non-present dad.

Yes, there is a difference, but there is also a difference in effect. I’ll repeat what I said in response to an ask recently and expand on it.

While, Holivia is an exceptional case because it’s landed them both in shit, Harry having high profile relationships has ALWAYS helped his career. Haylor was horrible at the time but it made him a household name. Same with Hendall and the string of models that he’s “dated” publicly. While Harry’s stunts may frustrate his fans, he has generally gotten to do the bare minimum and has reaped huge benefits from dating a string of almost exclusively famous people. It has raised his profile since 2012 and helped ensure everyone knows his name which contributed to his career whether people want to admit it or not. I think that fact that he’s one of the most famous people in the world and is at the top of the charts is what motivates him to continue with those types of stunts.

But Louis? Babygate and Elounor have never done a single thing for him. They haven’t made him more famous, they haven’t made him more successful, they haven’t made him more liked by his own fans, and in fact, they’ve actually hurt his career and turned fans against him over the course of years. There are ways to stay closeted without pissing off a very vocal and significant portion of your fanbase. So yes, babygate is more “severe” of a stunt than Holivia in many peoples’ minds, but Louis’ also in a much deeper and more oppressive closet than Harry is....and he always has been. It’s not dissimilar from how Louis has always had to deny Larry and been made to look like a homophobe while Harry gets to wave flags onstage and wear Michael Sam jerseys.

So like....when people just act like “oh, Louis’ stunt is grosser,” I can’t help but think that his life and career are also significantly shittier as a result. I’m not trying to say that everything is great for Harry, but when you look at their closets objectively, it’s very clear that Harry’s closet is less oppressive and that it has more benefits to him (though those benefits are running out more and more due to certain choices they’ve made that have led to the queerbait allegations). Louis’ closet has always been more oppressive and has reaped no benefits for him or his career, and that continues to this day.

[nanatsumu]

TEENAGE FEVER

pairing: iwaizumi hajime x f!reader, oikawa tooru x f!reader

synopsis: iwaizumi has strung you on long enough and you’re finally at the end of your rope.

genre: heavy angst... like make your heart wrench in pain heavy, one sided pining

warnings: manga spoilers, bad grammar (didn’t know it was that bad until i used grammarly), MATURE themes, drinking, smoking, alcohol, iwaizumi being an asshole (he’s also a frat boy because surprise! frat boys should never be trusted), subtle hints at sex, bittersweet ending

word count: 6.7K

series masterlist

part one | part two | part three | part four

“y/n we know you’re in there, someone told me they saw you run in here.”

great!

you slowly sit up from the toilet, dragging your feet across the bathroom tiles until you make it to the door and begin unlocking the lock at a snail’s pace. but before you can even get a chance to twist the doorknob, somebody is already doing so on the other side of the door and the next thing you know, reina’s screaming ‘HURRY UP’ and you’re assaulted by the bathroom door.

“REINA!” you scream as the result of the door flying into your face has you clutching your head.

“SHIT! SORRY Y/N!”

“geez, why are you so fucking slow,” oikawa complains as he sucks his teeth, pushing the door in a little wider so that you can see standing him behind reina as well. “did iwa-chan’s kiss mess you up that bad?”

“your friend is a prick, oikawa!” reina jabs him in the side, eliciting a grunt from the poor man. “it was supposed to be a quick smooch but that guy had to be extra and start using tongue!”

“what kind of guy kisses a girl who he’s only met once like that?!” your female friend cries.

“only someone as ballsy as him would even try and do that,” oikawa stops scratching his head, his eyes widening like saucers as if he’s just realized something. “and don’t put all the blame on iwaizumi! y/n, you literally moaned! and i even saw you kissing back!”

“don’t make me feel shittier than i already do oikawa!” you jeer.

“he...” you sigh and you can feel the tears start to prickle your eyes. “i feel so humiliated, and embarrassed.”

“and i-i felt so... so exposed.”

oikawa’s playful expression falters as he hears the hurt in your voice and manages to squeeze his way past a protesting reina before kneeling down so that he could meet your glossy eyes.

“listen, i’ll apologize on his behalf for now and i’ll take him about it later, alright?” he awkwardly pats your shoulder, not sure what to do as he’s never been in a situation where he’s had to comfort a girl bawling her eyes out.

“y-you... don’t have— t-to do that,” you whimper. “i’m just being a big crybaby, it’s just a silly kiss.”

“no it’s not!” reina blurts out a little louder than she intended to. “that prick completely disrespected you and embarrassed you in front of everyone! it wasn’t even a matter of him kissing you, it was a part of a game, but that dude took it too far and crossed the line!”

“listen, this is why i told you to stay away from him in the first place,” your roommate shuffles closer to you and pulls you in for a hug. “let’s go home alright?”

“let me walk you guys home, it’s getting late outside and even though you two are together, you never know what’ll happen.” oikawa offers, and while you are quick to accept, reina wavers momentarily.

“how do you know you’re not gonna take advantage of us, hm?”

“please, if i wanted to i already would’ve given the circumstances but i haven’t because i. do. not. want. to!” he smiles patronizingly which irks reina.

“whatever, but if you even think about trying anything then i’ll cut your dick off and feed it to my lizard.” she threatens but oikawa doesn’t take it to heart.

you finally get the last of your sniffles out as you stand up to your feet and exit the bathroom with oikawa and reina trailing along right behind you, similar to an assembly line of ducks— a very... tall duck, a crying duck, and an angry duck.

the walk home was rowdier than you had expected it to be. while you were quieter than usual and still in a bad mood from earlier events, that didn’t stop oikawa and reina though from causing a ruckus on the way back to the dorms.

“you’re telling me, that THAT’S hajime? like hajime iwaizumi? the notorious playboy of irvine?” reina gapes as she stares at the photo of iwaizumi back in high school that oikawa had saved in his phone.

even you were surprised to see what iwaizumi looked back then when reina practically shoved oikawa’s phone in your face, the brightness radiating from his phone screen only further irritating your bloodshot eyes.

while he still had a bit of muscle on him back then, he looked a lot lankier in comparison to his university counterpart who had grown twice in size. his once pale skin had become almost a sun-kissed tan color that complimented his features. but what shocked you the most was that the iwaizumi shown to you in the photos was free from any blemishes on his arms and his ears weren’t dressed in dangly silvers or studs.

“that’s iwaizumi?” your jaw dropped and oikawa was quick to make a teasing remark about how your mouth was wide open enough for flies to fly in.

“what happened to him?!” reina cries.

“sometimes i wonder why he hasn’t visited japan in the past 4 years but when i look back at this photo and then compare it to present him, i would piss my pants too if i were him and had to go back home to my mom.”

“does his mom not like tattoos or piercings?” reina questions as you and oikawa give each other a look before turning back to the girl.

“i don’t know about iwaizumi, but my mom is pretty strict about tattoos and piercings,” you start to explain. “she’s the ‘girls shouldn’t get tattoos!’ and ‘guys shouldn’t get piercings!’ type of mom, so she’s not completely against it, but if i came home with a huge ass tattoo like iwaizumi then she’d sure as hell chop my arm off.”

“japan’s pretty strict about piercings and tattoos, especially when it comes to students because tattoos are kind of a sign of the yakuza in japan,” oikawa adds in addition. “piercings aren’t as frowned upon as tattoos but it’s usually the younger kids who have ‘em.”

“yakuza?”

“like a gang basically? or a mafia i guess.” you answer reina to the best of your abilities.

you start kicking a pebble around and breathe in the crisp california air, watching as a puff of smoke escapes your lips with every exhale.

“you alright?” oikawa asks as he begins growing worried since you haven’t said anything in the past few minutes.

“yeah, just thinking,” you stuff your hands into your pockets and continue kicking the pebble beneath your feet. “california is a lot hotter than japan.”

“you think california is hot? just wait ‘till you spend a day in the summer heat in argentina.” he counters.

“maybe one day,” you say in consideration. “maybe when i graduate university i’ll consider traveling somewhere before my life completely revolves around paying taxes and bills.”

“if you do come to argentina one day then just give me a call and i’ll be more than happy to give you a tour around.” he beams.

“my cousin is playing volleyball in brazil, i think?” you say, remembering your mother telling you that hinata had gone to play beach volleyball in brazil. “he’s blood-related but he lived in miyagi while i lived in aomori so we never really got to see each other that much.”

“miyagi? i used to live in miyagi too!”

“huh? really? do you know a hinata shoyo then?” you ask, intrigued at the newfound information. “i heard from my mom that he started playing volleyball in high school so he’s probably played you once in a game if you played volleyball in high school too.”

“i did actually, his team beat mine during the qualifiers for spring nationals my last year of high school and man, i think i probably broke the record for most bowls of ramen eaten in one sitting that day.” he chuckles but it comes out sounding more half-heartedly in your ears, almost like he’s recalling an unpleasant memory from the past.

“so what made you go to argentina?” you ask and oikawa answers like he’s been asked this countless of times (which he has.)

“when i was a kid, there was this volleyball player i really looked up to,” oikawa starts. “his name was jose blanco and there was a tournament happening in sendai that i went to where he played against japan, and at the time there was a young ace on the team who was a fledgling star,”

“he made a big impression during the first half of the tournament but he started getting worse as things progressed. he was kind of off for the rest of the game and i thought that he was gonna be subbed out but it wasn’t until they switched setters that i noticed the ace was getting back into his groove. jose was a veteran setter, 38 years old i think? and if you were to be asked who the star of the game was then you’d probably say the ace since he was the one who scored most of the points right? but if you ask me, i think the setter was the star of the game!”

“he was so cool too! like he was so calm the entire time and he inconspicuously helped the ace get back on to his feet and just simply left the court,” oikawa continues to ramble. “i even got an autograph but that dumbass iwaizumi took the paper that i bought and got the autograph of some dude on the japan team so i had to give jose the jersey i bought earlier that day instead. although it did end up getting washed though....”

“hah! desperate much?” you laugh as you bump shoulders with him.

“desperate time for desperate measures! no way was i gonna leave without getting the jose blanco’s autograph!” he emphasizes.

unbeknownst to you and oikawa, a cheeky smile creeps upon reina’s face as she watches you and oikawa converse with each other like you two were long-time friends catching up for the first time in forever.

you, on the other hand, were starstruck by the man that is oikawa tooru.

the story he told you left you feeling heart-warmed because you noticed how his eyes sparkled and his lips curved into a genuine smile as he talked about his idol and the sport he is so passionate about. oikawa was many things: a flirt, a smooth talker, a sly fox, and he could get a little handsy sometimes— but you could tell the love he had for volleyball was like no other and you respected how committed he was to the sport, even going as far as to going to argentina in order to follow his long-time idol.

“i think it’s really cool that you’re so passionate about volleyball,” you smile as you peer up at the night sky. “in my opinion, i think being committed to one thing your entire life is a bit hard depending on who you are, but at least there are guys like you who are one-in-a-million.”

your words strike a chord in oikawa and reina is quick to notice the way his lips part as he holds his gaze on you.

“oh would you two quit flirting!” reina lets out an inhumane noise that startles you and oikawa.

“you scared me!” you take a deep breath and frantically clutch your heart.

“just say you forgot that i was here because you were too busy getting chummy with oikawa!” she groans while pulling her face.

“you’re just jealous i’m stealing your roommate away,” oikawa sticks his tongue out at your roommate before stopping in his tracks and pulling you into a hug. “but don’t worry! i’ll take extremely good care of her.”

“no way buddy,” reina takes a hold of your arm and uses all of her strength in order to pull you away from oikawa. “she was my roommate before she was your friend!”

“wow i feel so popular,” you say sarcastically, accompanied with a roll of your eyes. “it’s 1 now and i think i would very much rather be at home right now in my jammies instead of listening to you two bicker back and forth.”

“you don’t mean me do you, y/n?!” reina wails as she clings onto you.

“oh look! it’s a bear!” you point out to the other side of the street and reina snaps her head in the direction you’re pointing in.

“where?!”

with her attention off of you, you take this chance to slip away from her and run towards your dorm building along with oikawa who’s right on your tail.

“you’re... really... fast!” oikawa pants as he speaks in-between breaths. “like a lo— WOAH!”

he trips over a slab of concrete that was out of place and out of reflex, he latches onto the nearest object— and unfortunately, you were the closest thing he could grab onto.

“H-HEY!” you screech when you feel yourself being pulled down onto the ground.

with the split second that he had of clarity, oikawa took advantage of the opportunity and moved his hand under your head so that it wouldn’t make contact with the concrete and his hand, would instead, cushion your fall.

you hit the concrete with an ‘oof!’ and while you were awaiting the sharp pain in the back of your head to come, it never came. instead, you open your eyes only to see oikawa’s brown ones staring right back at you with an astounded expression that mirrored yours.

“so, how are you doing this fine night?” he grins.

“pretty good, up until your dumbass tripped and pulled me down with you,” you snort.

reina gasps dramatically when she catches up to you guys and sees the position you two are in.

“you deny your chumminess with him and then you run off to get all handsy with him!”

“this idiot tripped and then thought it would be a good idea to pull me down with him,” you stand up after oikawa offers to pull you up. “what kind of thought process do you even have to think that i could catch your fall?”

reina squeezes his bicep, triggering him to let out a yelp.

“oh it’s hard alright.” reina smirks as oikawa yanks his arm away.

“do you work out a lot?” you sneak up behind oikawa and put your hands on his broad shoulders.

“yup!” he flexes his arm and gives you both a cheeky smile. “i gained 10 kilograms of muscle mass!”

“1-10?! isn’t that like 20 pounds?!” reina gawks at the volleyball player.

“yeah and guess what, i only grew one centimeter so it was all me baby!” he laughs almost mockingly.

the rest of the walk home was full of laughter and heartwarming bantering between the three of you and you were happy that you were able to meet reina, an amazing roommate, and oikawa, who was a cocky shit but still managed to squeeze a laugh out of you.

it was going to be a long 4 years away from home, but just as long as you were surrounded by the right people, you were sure that these 4 years would fly by in a jiffy.

when you guys finally arrived at your dorm building, you notified reina that you would stay outside and chat with oikawa for a bit and so she gave you the okay and headed up to your room first so that she could get ready for bed since she was about ready to knock out right then and there.

“thanks for walking me home, oikawa,” you pull him in for friendly hug that he didn’t expect, but nevertheless, he hugs back anyway because who is he to decline a hug from you? “i feel bad for having you walk me home even though you probably want to hang out with iwaizumi.

oikawa feels his stomach churn at the mention of his best friend and guilt creeps upon him like bile rising in the back of your throat.

oikawa had turned a blind eye to iwaizumi’s bad habit of playing around with girls and leaving them after he’s had his fair share of fun because iwaizumi was his best friend and despite the drastic transformation he had gone through within the 4 years that they’ve been away from each other, oikawa knew deep down that he was still the iwaizumi he knew and loved— the iwaizumi who had stuck with him through thick and thin during his adolescent years.

however, now that he’s taken the time to familiarize himself with you personally and grow to learn what type of person you were— someone with a good heart but isn’t afraid to voice their own opinions and stand their ground when people try to walk all over them— he can’t help but be greedy and want you all for himself.

“say, y/n,” you give him a soft hum in response which prompts him to continue taking. “you wanna grab some milk bread with me tomorrow at the cafe you were talking about?”

“are you asking me out on a date right now?” you wheeze. “you’re pretty bold for asking out someone you’ve only met twice your entire life.”

“it’s not a date unless you want it to be.” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“a platonic date sounds good to me, don’t you think?”

“there’s no such thing as a platonic date, y/n.”

“maybe not to you since you’re probably used to girls flocking around you all the time,” you say and he’s visibly upset at the fact that you think he’s a casanova or something when in reality he still hasn’t had his first girlfriend yet. “so you in? i’ll even call it a date if you’d like.”

“yeah i’m in,” he puts his fist out for a fist bump, which you are content with returning, and he beams at you with the biggest smile you’ve seen him give you. “does the afternoon work for you?”

you pull your phone out of your jacket pocket and open up the contacts app before handing it to the male.

“just give me your number and we can go over the specifics over text tonight.”

he punches in his number, saving the contact as “tooru👽” before handing the device back to you.

“an alien emoji?” you laugh as you read his contact name displayed on your phone. “you’re a dork.”

“like you’re any less of a dork than me.” he playfully rolls his eyes as he pulls his phone out and gives it for you to return the favor.

you clumsily put your number into his phone, accidentally pressing some random digit one too many times, and save your name as “y/n :3” before handing his phone back to him.

“a bunny face?” he threw his head back and let out a humorous laugh.

“shut up!” you give his shoulder a gentle push. “as if an alien emoji is any better, at least my emoticon is cute!”

“yeah yeah, whatever you say.” he slips his phone back into his pocket before giving you one last final hug that feels a bit warmer than the ones he’s given you before.

“get home safe, oikawa.”

his eyes linger on your face for a bit longer than he would’ve liked.

your eyes were crinkled and your smile lines were more prominent up close, but it didn’t stop oikawa’s heart from skipping a beat.

“sweet dreams y/n.”

you awaken the next morning to the sound of your phone ringing and reina’s abnormally loud snoring (you’re surprised that the girls in the next room over haven’t come knocking at your door telling your roommate to snore a little quieter.)

with the sleep still present in your eyes, the brightness of your phone screen causes you to squint before your vision clears up and you’re able to make out the numbers ‘7:30 A.M’ displayed across your screen.

when the haziness finally leaves your system, you take a look outside your window and realize that the only speck of sunlight present at all is the sunlight that’s provided by the rising sun, peeking out from across the horizon.

you mentally curse oikawa out in your head as your fingers dance across your keyboard to type out a brief response to oikawa’s suspiciously ominous text message.

you reluctantly get up from your bed and slip on your fuzzy bunny slippers before treading over to your door, unlocking it, and then swinging it open, revealing your tall, brown-haired friend standing right where he said he would be.

“nice jammies,” he lets loose an unrestrained, boisterous laugh as he reaches out to fix the strap of your tank top which slipped off your shoulder. “i dig the bunny slippers by the way.”

you haphazardly shuffle your feet, gaining a smile from oikawa as he chuckles softly.

“can i come in?” he peers into the room by leaning over a bit where he sees reina sprawled out in a weird position on her bed, snoring loudly.

“uh, reina’s actually asleep,” you sheepishly scratch the back of your head. “the dorms don’t have separate bedrooms, everyone just sleeps in the same room with their respective roommates.”

“so movie night’s no longer in question?”

“i guess if you don’t mind reina being a plus one,” you shrug as you gesture for him to come in, letting him enter the room first so that you can close the door on your way in. “she’s a heavy sleeper so don’t worry about waking her up.”

oikawa throws himself onto your bed, even going as far as to slipping under your covers and making himself right at home, which, you don’t hesitate to scold him for doing so.

“what’s the point of coming all the way over here just to go back to sleep?” you cross your arms as you walk over to your bed, your knees hitting the edge of the mattress.

“the bakery opens at 8:30 so i wanted to pick you up since the walk there is 25 minutes from here,” oikawa pulls his phone out and checks the time. “it’s 7:37 now so hurry and get ready!”

you shuffle over to the worn-out dresser that has been with you since the day you moved into the dorms and pull out the drawers that contain a majority of your most worn pieces. taking into account the outfit that oikawa was currently sporting— an oversized hoodie, a loose pair of sweatpants, and some sneakers that looked to be on the pricier side— you decided that wearing something similar to that would suffice.

“can you turn around?” you ask as you grab a pair of black sweatpants, not bothering to check the design since they looked all the same anyways, and an oversized hoodie that you forgot you even had in your possession.

“hm? why?”

“i’m gonna change?” you shrug. “unless you don’t mind staying here by yourself? or you can just step outside for a minute if you want to.”

“oh yeah, sure.”

you watch as he heeds your request and begins to turn around to face the wall before proceeding to take off your pajamas, making sure to keep a close eye on him just in case he decides to be a peeping tom.

“you know, you’re pretty credulous trusting a guy you’ve only met last week.” he says as he rocks side to side, head still turned facing the wall.

“well i don’t have to worry about you peeping because i’m already done changing,” you pull down the rest of the bunched up fabric of your hoodie that’s around your waist before slipping on a random baseball cap you saw laying around. “even if you did turn around, i have a 5-pound textbook and i’m not afraid to use it.”

oikawa’s about to make a snarky remark in return to your futile threat when suddenly a loud snore escapes reina’s mouth, encouraging the two of you to give each other a flabbergasted look that leads to you both erupting into a fit of hushed laughter.

“let’s go before reina wakes up and gets a heart attack after seeing you in here.”

“no way!”

after exiting the dorm building and beginning your journey with oikawa to the designated cafe, you two arguing about whether or not milk or cereal should go first after oikawa mentioned to you that he was a firm believer of “milk first, cereal last.”

“if you put milk in first then you’re just gonna get less cereal and who the fuck eats cereal just to drink the cereal milk?” you shoot him a grimace.

“when you pour in the cereal after the milk, then it’s just gonna float there and who takes satisfaction in seeing that shit?” you add. “that’s why cereal first is way better because you get a bowl full of cereal and it’s just... perfect!”

“but your cereal is gonna be soggy by the time you put the milk back in the refrigerator!” oikawa retorts.

“then just wait until after you’re done to put it away? how long do you even take to put the milk back in the refrigerator that when you come back your cereal gets all soggy?!”

“and aren’t you supposed to be an athlete? i’m seriously concerned if it takes you at least over 15 seconds just to put back a carton of milk.” you take a jab at him.

“i will not allow this oikawa slander from you!” he stops in his tracks before abruptly picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder.

“h-hey! put me down! i’m heavy, oikawa!” you squirm around in protest, but oikawa shows no sign of letting you go anytime soon as he starts to pick up his pace.

“i didn’t gain all of that muscle for nothin’ baby!” he laughs maniacally as he’s practically full-on sprinting down the street now.

luckily enough, the cafe was just around the corner of the street that oikawa started running down from which meant there was finally a reason for the male to let you down, despite the fact that you had been punching his back for the last minute or so but you couldn’t seem to crack him, his arms, nor those broad shoulders of his.

you let out a huff of feigned annoyance once you’re down on your feet while oikawa is still laughing his ass off as you two walk into the establishment.

“not funny! i almost dropped my hat when you pulled that stunt!” you complain as you’re frantically trying to fix your hair: when oikawa abruptly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, the baseball cap on your head was about to fall off but thankfully with your reflexes, you were able to catch it in the nick of time— however, at the price of your own hair.

“here, i got you,” oikawa extends his hand out to your head and starts to brush away at your mess of a hair. “if it makes you feel better, it’s on the house.”

“i was gonna make you pay anyways.” you stick your tongue out at him playfully, feigning annoyance.

“pft, and you brought your wallet anyways?” he grabs your wrist and pulls it up so that you could see the object in your hands.

“it has my id in it you doofus,” you roll your eyes but there’s a hint of blush on your face as you realize he’s practically holding your hand. “and what if you forgot your wallet, hm?”

he lets go of your wrist before slipping his hand into his sweatpants pocket and pulling out a black wallet.

“i never forget my wallet sweetheart,” he winks and you laugh. “especially if i know i’m gonna be going out with a pretty lady— don’t wanna leave a bad impression y’know”

“i think you’ve already left quite the impression on me from your stunt earlier.” you bump shoulders with him.

“so see anything you like on the menu?” he puts his hand on the small of your back and guides you over to where the menu is so that you could get a closer look at all of the options the cafe had to offer its customers.

“we’ll... we did come here originally for milk bread,” oikawa notices how deep in thought you are over something as trivial as baked goods and he can’t help but smile a bit when he notices the little pout on your face or the crease that forms on your forehead when you scrunch your face a little bit. “but i wanna try their matcha bread! and their boba looks good, or is it a little bit too early to be drinking boba?”

oikawa’s so lost in thought (*correction: staring at you) that he doesn’t even realize that you’ve been trying to grab his attention by calling his name 5 times— and it’s only when you physically have to shake him a bit that he snaps out of his little daydream.

“oh, sorry!” he gives you an apologetic smile. “what’s up?”

“i was asking if you wanted to share one of their drinks with me but you were too busy staring at me to hear.” you sneer. “do you have a crush on me or something? heh.”

“pshhh, no way!” he has a sheepish look on his face that you can’t stop yourself from laughing at.

“you better not go falling for me anytime soon, you playboy.” you jest while nudging him with your elbow.

“i’m pretty sure i should be the one telling you that,” he rolls his eyes playfully. “i’m surprised you haven’t confessed your undying love for me yet.”

“i don’t fall in love that easily, pretty boy, and i certainly do not fall in love with someone i’ve only recently met.” you snort at his comment.

“hi there! are you two ready to order?” a voice startles you and oikawa as you both turn your heads towards a woman standing behind the counter.

“oh i’m so sorry about that! i’m sure you didn’t come to work just to see the two of us play around.” you giggle as the woman mirrors your action.

“it’s nothing new to me, it seems like this place is a hotspot for couples to come and hang out so it’s kind of the norm for me now.” she reassures you.

“are you a college student?” you ask the cashier, taking note on how she looked to be around your age.

“i actually graduated from culinary school about 2 years ago,” she starts off. “my parents supported me throughout my 4 years of culinary school, but when it came down to actually opening this cafe, my boyfriend— well, fiancé now— helped me look for a good place to rent out and it was history from there!”

“it was a bit hard at first since i was still fresh out of culinary school and i could barely start this business with the funds i had saved up, but thankfully my boyfriend was able to pitch in and help make my dreams come true,” she continues and you feel your heart grow fuzzy at how whenever she mentioned her boyfriend, her face would soften and a small smile would make its way onto her face. “i honestly cannot imagine a life without him, he’s been with me since high school so he’s always known about my longtime dream of owning my own cafe. he’s always been my rock during my hardest times and— oh my! i started rambling didn’t i?”

she starts to apologize for burdening you with her life story, but you dismiss her worries by waving your hands in front of you, oikawa laughing and copying your motions.

“i think he’d be really happy to hear that you think so lovingly of him.” your lips curve into a gentle smile, which the woman reciprocates.

“what’s your name?” she asks.

“i’m y/n! and this big guy is tooru.” oikawa waves at the woman, her following suit.

“ah i see! well y/n and tooru, my name is maia and it’s so nice to meet you two!” she brings her hand out for a handshake, which you and oikawa return. “are you two college students?”

“yeah! i’m actually a student at the university of irvine!” you answer enthusiastically. “tooru is just visiting from argentina at the moment so i wanted to take him around the area before he left.”

“argentina, really?” her mouth forms an ‘o’ shape. “it must be hard doing long distance, huh? i couldn’t even imagine if my fiancé and i had to live that far away from each other.”

you and oikawa turn to look at each other in confusion before an invisible lightbulb goes off in both of your heads and you bring your attention back onto maia, who’s now equally as confused as you two are.

“we’re actually not dating!” the pink hue from earlier creeps back onto your cheeks and from the corner of your eye you can see oikawa fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. “i met him at one of the frat parties i went to last week and we kind of just clicked.”

“i’m so sorry for assuming!” she has a distraught look on her face and you’re quick to tell her that it was just a misunderstanding. “you two just look really cute together, plus i’m also really used to a lot of couples coming here that i was quick to assume that you two were dating!”

“i mean, we’d be a cute couple right, y/n-chan?” gone was the nervous oikawa you saw just a second ago, and back was the cocky oikawa you all know and love.

“you wish!” you scoff, not bothering to shrug off the arm he slung around your shoulder.

“anyways, is it alright if we can get two of your milk breads as well as a matcha bread and a oolong milk tea with boba?” you order and maia quickly input the order into the tablet in front of her.

“will that be all for you today?”

“anything else you want, oikawa?” you ask him but he shakes his head in response. “i think that’ll be all for us today then, maia.”

you’re about to insert your card into the chip holder when suddenly oikawa grabs your arm and plucks the card out of your hand.

“h-hey! what are you doing? give me my card back!”

“didn’t i tell you that it was on the house earlier?” he looks at you with a teasing smirk on his face and before you could protest again, a pleasant sound comes out of the machine, signaling that the transaction was successful.

“such a gentleman! you should snatch him up before someone else does, y/n!” maia coos.

“i think it’d be best for someone else to snatch him up, i don’t think i could handle all of... this.” you motion to his entire body.

“are you flirting with me?” oikawa had a shit-eating grin on his face that you were so tempted to wipe off, but his actions from less than a minute ago still caught you off guard and you had to admit, you were glad he wasn’t a cheapskate and offered to pay in your stead— well, more forced you out of paying.

“thanks, oikawa,” you didn’t know what you had the other day to make you act so bold, but you stood on your tiptoes and planted a chaste kiss on his cheek out of gratitude. “for being the only gentleman on campus, even though you’re technically not a student here.”

out of instinct, oikawa’s hand immediately flys up to the spot where your lips touched his skin and starts to graze it.

“heh, i like your spunk, y/n.” he shows you a cheeky smile.

“don’t let it get to your head, it was just a complimentary kiss.” you laugh and it sounds more melodious than usual to oikawa’s ears for some reason.

“so...” he starts and you let out a small ‘hm?’ which prompts him to continue. “do you have any plans for the rest of the day?”

“i don’t think so? i have the dorm all to myself from when reina goes to her blind date and up until she comes back, so if you wanna do something then i don’t mind squeezing you into my schedule!” you reply, but a thought suddenly resurfaces in your mind. “no frat parties though, i heard one of iwaizumi’s friends are hosting one tonight but i don’t think i can think about another frat party without having to gouge my eyeballs out.”

“got it, no frat parties,” oikawa chuckles. “if it makes you feel any better, i never liked those frat parties anyways and i only went because iwaizumi is the only person i know here which meant i was obligated to follow him around everywhere but now that i know you, it changes the whole game!”

“i’m just as new to california as you are oikawa, don’t get your hopes up too high.”

“but that’s the fun part about it, right? we get to explore california together! it really feels like we’re a couple don’t you think?” he blurts out in the heat of the moment but quickly comes to realize the weight of his words. “oh shit— sorry... i hope you’re not uncomfortable hearing me say that out loud.”

“not at all!” you look down at your shoes for a fleeting moment before looking back up at oikawa. “it’s quite... endearing? i’ve never really had a lot of ‘guy friends’ and mostly hung around with girls so this is the first time i’ve ever really had a guy show any interest in me— platonically of course!”

“and you’ve never ever had a boyfriend before?” oikawa lifts an eyebrow.

“nope, never even had my first kiss,” you say but you think back to the events that took place last night. “well, up until yesterday...”

you tried to hide the grimace on your face as the memory of you and iwaizumi kissing kept playing on repeat in your mind, but oikawa was able to see right through your mask and clenched his fists as he recalled the distressed look on your face when he and reina found you crying in the bathroom.

oikawa believed that you should have deserved to have your first kiss taken by someone who truly loved you, but instead, it was taken away by his scum of a best friend, who, he was currently disappointed in for treating you the way he did last night.

oikawa is about to open his mouth up to say something, but he’s interrupted before he even gets a chance to say anything when maia announces that your order is ready.

“it smells so good, maia!” you say after you skip over to the other side of the counter and take a whiff of the freshly baked pastries.

“oh you’re making me blush, y/n!” maia cups her cheeks bashfully while you laugh at her antics.

you shake up the cup of boba so that the pearls were evenly distributed throughout the drink before taking a straw and puncturing a hole through the film on top of the cup, taking a small sip after you mix the drink around one last time with the straw.

“mhm! so good!” you lean back, not realizing that oikawa had moved to stand right behind you, resulting in you crashing into his chest.

“shit, you scared me oikawa!” you laugh as you slap his chest. “want some?”

you hold the straw up to his lips, and you notice the way his eyes widen by a fraction.

“you wanna share?”

“well yeah? unless you’re scared of getting cooties or something, what are you? 12?” you tease. “or are you worried that it’s an indirect kiss? i can always get another—”

your rambling is cut off when his lips wrap around the straw and he takes a long sip of the drink in your hand.

“there, we just indirectly kissed!” he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before shooting you a goofy grin.

“pft, how childish do you have to be to be freaked out over an indirect kiss.” you mumble, but it doesn’t cover up the blood that rushes up to your face, painting your cheeks in a pinkish hue which oikawa finds endearing.

part one | part two | part three | part four

TAGLIST:

@katsukibabe • @thecaptainyuri • @satorisflatass • @daphnxy • @aonenthusiast • @felixsamour • @literaleftist

+ SEND AN ASK OR SEND A MSG TO BE INCLUDED IN THE TAGLIST!

[threeshotsofespressou]

It's funny how one time I created a whole new story, characters, lands and lore using fanfic I've read and original storyline just so my brain can have some serotonin thinking about gay monkeys. So I'm going to put it here, so I can stop thinking about it too much, plus I don't want to forget about this story I made. The original fic I rethought to myself consists of two parts: 1) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30031797/chapters/73949607 2)https://archiveofourown.org/works/30212535/chapters/74446005

Long story short (if you want to read it now, go ahead, bc SPOILERS) - Macaque and Wukong had an argument over Tripitaka's death since black furred monkey doesn't understand why Wukong cares for the monk so much. He's mortal, so it is not a surprise he died. But it hurts Wukong a LOT, so he leaves. Macaque waits for his partner to return, but he doesn't, so he's searching for him (feeling shittier and shittier without his sun), and deciding he won't let him go again when he meets him. And when he does (during Monkey Kid show) he captures him, blocking his powers and then prisoning him in his dojo. Fic isn't done yet, so I started to think how I can make things work for myself. Which leads us to this post. It's just the Idea of how things might've been go, I will let the author know about it and delete it if they don't like it. I just thought it would be fun to read about it. The beginning is the same - Wukong and Macaque argues, and Wukong leaves. Six Eared is frustrated of course, he doesn't understand why his partner cared for the mortal monk, and not him. So yeah, he waits, and waits and waits. But Wukong still doesn't come to him, so he starts to think why, but it leads to nothing since he has no experience in such thing. He tries to find him, but after countless attempts, he just can't take it and destroys a few random mountains in rage and sadness. After a while he starts to think what he can do, or say to his partner, yet he understands that he has nothing to say really. Macaque still don't know the reason Wukong - the closest person to him, his sun - have chosen monk over him. He would fall into a pit of his own regrets and sadness, just to understand that he have lost the most valuable part of his world. Macaque feels miserable, as anyone would in that situation (if you're not a psychopath). As time goes by, he decides at least not to be pathetic, continuing his existence. He works as a personal mercenary - he can do stuff like finding people/stuff or exorcize demons for a good pay. So that's how he exists, thinking about his mistakes not being able to leave because he still holds hope to meet his dear sun again. The thing is, I wanted them to be together again, BC COME ON I WANT TO FEEL JOY AT LEAST HERE NOT TO SWALLOW SOME GLASS. And there are a dilemma: Macaque doesn't understand Wukong because he has no experience in relationships with mortals (in that fic at least). So how can we fix that situation? The answer is to put some characters who will build bond with Macaque, so he will, eventually, understand Wukong. Not the greatest idea, but I'm not a genius anyway. So on one of his missions he meets a little stranger. The cloak and other clothes covers almost all of their body, plus the mask - so he can't tell who is this person. But when he sees how little one was about to be knocked down in some random dark alley in the part of city where no one would care he took a pity on them and knocked down the attacker instead. Macaque can't tell why he did this, it just felt right to do. He advises to be more careful next time, and after a seconds rustling in his pocket passes them a little peach flavoured candy (the ones he eats from time to time) as he leaves. Stranger, instead of going away, follows him. Six eared tries to get rid of them, but with no result - the new acquaintance followed him no matter what. He even accidentally let them know he thing he needed to get - which wasn't an easy trip - when he was looking on a map of the location with instructions. But then Macaque decides he had enough, and tries to scare lil thing again. It doesn't appear again, so he thought it worked. Then he returns to work, but everything goes wrong this time - he made mistakes, had to fight some guards of the place he sneaked in, etc. When black furred monkey thinks he failed his mission, his previous little intruder appears right in front of him. He assumed that they would make fun of him, but they just handed the thing Macaque needed to get.

The fact that someone offered him a good thing felt nice, so he thanks them and introduced himself. His companion rustles in pokes, taking a candy he gave them (only candy wrapper apparently), pointing on one of the ingredients.

When Macaque glanced on it, it said "Sugar". So their name is Sugar?

With the quiet nod, the little fellow puts off a mask with a hood, revealing a girl, maybe between 13 or 14 yo. The most distinguish feature is her hair - short, curly, and completely white.

He then shakes the hand offered to him as a sign of a new acquaintance. It's 3 am, so I'd write everything else next time

[starlight-writes-stuff]

hi, do you think you could do another blurb for ethan? maybe something nsfw? like, a party hookup? im thinkin about fratboy!ethan 👁👄👁

(wc: 5.5k) pls im always thinking about fratboy ethan :,) but yes i can do this 100 % ! this ask prompted something deep in me and i ended up making a playlist to go with it as well 🤧here’s the link to that if ur interested https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4yXuVtAKBHexm5ifE9NQ2B ! A L S O i’m sorry this took forever to get to ,,,, life has been a lot recently lol . reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (obvious but still) , sex while under the influence (with explicit consent given) , softdom! ethan , marajuana use , alcohol use , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it , plz) , swearing , college au , an unus annus reference if u look close enough , and i believe thats it . enjoy ! xoxoxoxo , starlight .

a little party never killed nobody

it was the exact same as every other college party you’d ever been to. shitty music, shittier alcohol, shittiest people- except for him. 

when ethan nestor had invited you to a frat party, you’d laughed in his face. you knew that he was a member of data data data, but he wasn’t the type that made it his whole personality. as far as you’d observed, he wasn’t the partying type, either, but there he was, texting you the house address.

“so you’ll come tonight? it’s going to be a pretty big thing- a lot of people coming. you should be able to walk right in, but if anyone gives you shit just tell them you’re with me,” he said, a slight smirk playing on his lips. you and ethan hadn’t been talking for long; technically, you hadn’t even known that he’d existed two weeks ago. 

when ethan had first sauntered up to you in physical sciences, that same smirk painting his face, you’d picked up on the underlying chemistry right away. he was a flirt by nature, but he seemed to play it up even more around you- the brunette boy had asked for your number the first day you met, and you’d been talking almost constantly since. he was funny and sweet and extremely charismatic, and he made your heart flip in your chest with the smallest glance. the two of you hadn’t hung out alone yet, so this party felt like a big deal.

or, at least, that's what you’d thought.

when you showed up at the front door of the frat house loud, bass-filled music was already shaking the window panes in their frames, and you could hear what sounded like a hundred different voices all talking over each other. ethan hadn’t been kidding when he said that it was a big party; at least half of your year was here, plus the older and younger students interspersed throughout the throngs of people as well. as you made your way to the kitchen, ethan was nowhere to be found. you felt as if all eyes were on you as you started to pour a drink, and dimly, you wondered if people could tell that you didn’t belong.

however, most of your anxious thoughts had been subdued after the first solo cup of vodka lemonade, and you were now well through your second. the music pounding throughout the house felt as if it had infiltrated your veins, filling them with a warm, buzzing sensation that loosened your limbs. at some point, a guy had come up to chat with you. then another. you weren't sure how many times you’d given out your snapchat tonight, but it had been a lot, and you were about to do it again. 

the guy you were currently talking to introduced himself as danny. he was some sort of business major, much like every other guy that you’d spoken with tonight, and was very clearly trying to hit on you. even through the alcohol-induced haze, you remembered who you came here for and you weren't leaving without him. you put a hand on danny’s shoulder, effectively cutting him off in the middle of his sentence.

“hey, do you know where ethan is? ethan nestor, i mean? he’s the one who invited me here.”

danny looked disappointed, but seemed to shift and slot puzzle pieces together in his head, snapping his fingers. “you're the girl he invited? that makes so much sense, actually. yeah, he’s out back- toking up, probably,” he explained, gesturing towards a door you would’ve never noticed. “out there and down the stairs. need an escort?”

you almost denied his advances but spotted an old fling loitering by the hidden door. giving danny a tight smile, you drained the rest of your drink and held up a finger. “one sec! stay here.”

butterflies flooded every inch of your being as you stumbled over to the makeshift bar, pouting a variety of liquors into your cup. you were going to see ethan outside of class. on his turf. something about it shook you to your core, but you couldn’t quite figure out why. 

sure, ethan was hot- that was obvious. but he’d been flirty, too. were the two of you a thing? if you weren’t, why had he been talking to danny about 'the girl he was inviting’? clearly, ethan had been talking about you, you just weren't sure of the context. you tried to swallow all these fears as you topped off your cup with lemonade, taking a small sip. trying not to spit it out, you added more juice; you’d made the strongest mixture you could think of, and it tasted like some sort of poison. that didn’t stop you from taking another small sip, then a bigger one. you needed the buzz.

“okay! let's go.”

danny led you out the door and down the stairs with no issue, and you quickly realized how tipsy you were - the stairs seemed to bob and warp under your feet, and you grabbed onto the handrail with a death grip. he noticed this easily, laughing a bit. “are you good?”

“great. it's the heels and alcohol- they don't mix well.” you laughed at yourself, regretting the chunky, heeled boots you’d thrown on.

“you can ditch them, if you want. we’re going out onto a deck, so you won't be in grass or anything,” danny explained, pointing to a pile of shoes by the door you were about to exit. you weren't going to argue with that, thankful that you’d chosen cute socks as you wrestled the footwear off and tossed it onto the pile. your stomach flipped as danny opened the door, cool night air biting into your warm skin, waking you up a bit. the sourish-sweet scent of marijuana flooded the small stairwell, and danny chuckled. “told you he was smoking.”

nothing could’ve prepared you for the way you felt watching ethan take a long drag off of some sort of pen, letting the vapor pour from his lips in pale blue plumes. something about the easy way the smoke seemed to float from his mouth went straight to your center, and you dug your nails into your palms, trying to get yourself under control. ethan finally realized that more people had joined the small crowd on the bench, and his heavy-lidded eyes seemed to light up as they roamed all over you lazily. this only furthered the sensation between your legs, the coils starting to tighten in your lower stomach. 

what the hell?

“y/n, you made it,” ethan said, a smile taking over his face. he quickly hopped down from where he’d been sitting on the guardrail and made his way over, wrapping an arm dangerously low around your waist. he hugged you tightly, making your heartbeat stutter as you squeezed him back.

you mumbled a ‘hello’ into his neck as ethan let his touch linger, your body held tightly to his. someone cleared their throat, conversation starting back up, and ethan reluctantly pulled away, dropping his eyes to yours. he kept a hand on the small of your back, sending electricity running up and down your spine. “having fun?”

you could barely talk as you forced yourself to respond. “yeah, lots. you’re a hard person to find.”

ethan grinned again, letting his head fall back as he laughed. “my bad. i thought you would text me when you got here. found someone to take care of you , though?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. the facial expression did absolutely nothing for the situation building up under your skirt- only worsening your want for the tall boy in front of you. 

“who?”

ethan smirked, dropping his lips to your ear. “that's what i like to hear. you look pretty, y/n.”

the way he said your name practically undid you, ripping your self-control apart at the already weakened seams. you let a hand wander up and down one of ethan’s sculpted arms, outlining the planes of muscle through his hoodie as you crossed your legs; sure, it was the ladylike thing to do, but you were desperately looking for some sort of friction, anything to lessen the need for him.

“thank you.”

ethan nodded, the hand that had been perched on your back sliding over your hip before finding your hand. he laced his fingers into yours, and you were shocked at how forward he was being. the two of you had flirted heavily- and okay, maybe you’d sent some suggestive pictures back and forth- but ethan seemed to be claiming you as he led you over to the round table where all his friends were sat. again, you carved half-moons into your palms with your nails as you added up all the chairs- there wasn’t enough. you began to let go of ethan’s hand, ready to boost yourself onto the railing, but he gave your fingers a gentle squeeze. you watched as ethan settled into the overstuffed outdoor chair, gesturing at his lap.

fuck.

you took a brief moment to admire the mess you’d gotten yourself into before you gingerly sat on ethan’s lap, trying to make yourself as small and weightless as humanly possible. that didn’t last long, though. ethan circled an arm over your hips, pulling you onto his lap firmly. you couldn’t breathe as you settled into him, crossing your legs tightly. your lower body was tucked away, hidden under the table, but still. you tucked a small portion of fabric between your thighs, ensuring nothing would slip. 

you didn’t say much as ethan continued to conversate with his friends, passing the silvery, skinny device around the table. 

soon, the talk turned from school and classes to typical, stuttering stoner laughing; everyone besides ethan and danny seemed to be a complete lightweight, gone after one hit of the cartridge. however, both the boys were on at least their fourth hit and still seemed relatively composed. they’d started to talk about some sort of economic study, and you’d quickly grown bored and confused. after sitting through 10 more minutes of the terminology you didn't understand, you began to wiggle around on ethan’s lap, loosening his grip on you. 

at the same moment, you and ethan both shifted in just the right way, causing one of his legs to end up between both of yours just as your hips rolled forward. delicious friction flooded your system, and you bit down hard on your lower lip, trying to stifle a moan. you fought with everything in you not to rock your body again, sensation overwhelming your impulse control. before you could do anything, one of ethan’s large hands found your hips, squeezing just enough to leave fingerprint-shaped marks on your skin. ethan knew what he’d done- you could hear the satisfaction threaded through his voice.

“you okay? what d’you need?”

you tried to steady your voice, painfully conscious of the people around you. while most of ethan’s friends were high enough that they wouldn’t notice, you knew that danny would pick up on any changes in your demeanor. you swallowed hard before answering him.

“i'm gonna go get another drink.” another gentle squeeze practically lit your skin on fire, and ethan held the pen up to you. 

“wanna try this instead?”

you weren’t going to lie- you’d been a bit jealous of the boys, not even thinking of passing the device to you. with shaky hands, you reached to accept the cartridge, but ethan had different plans. a sinful look found its way into his slitted eyes as ethan held the pen up to your lips. “go ahead.”

you could’ve passed out from the command, the look, the way that he’d started to bounce his leg. it was as if he was trying to break you- like he wanted you to give him some sort of sign that you wanted him. you did, more than anything. desire seemed to curl its way into every inch, every cell of your body, its spurs digging into your skin. 

you met ethan’s eyes deliberately as you accepted the cold metal into your mouth, inhaling deeply. you took immense pleasure in the look that crossed ethans face as you pulled away with lungs full of the hazy drug. you held your breath for as long as possible before letting the vapor drift from your lips, just as ethan and done earlier. you watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, his eyes snapping off of yours and over to danny.

“i’m gonna take y/n to get a drink. watch them, will you?” he asked, gesturing to the rest of his friends. danny just nodded, mumbling a low ‘have fun’ as ethan practically lifted you off of his lap. adrenaline coursed through each and every one of your veins and ethan laced his fingers through yours, leading you inside. 

ethan barely let the door shut before his hands were on your hips, pinning you to the wall of the small stairwell. his lips met yours roughly, and you couldn’t hold back the whimper that had been building in your throat for the past hour. you felt ethan smirk at the soft noise before he bit at your lower lip, dragging the soft flesh between his teeth. again, you let out a whine full of pleasure- he just felt so good. you let your arms circle ethans neck, one of your hands knotting in his dark hair. you pulled at the roots gently as ethan’s tongue rolled against yours, your body entirely succumbing to him.

he forced himself to pull off of your body, and you let out a small whine; you’d been waiting on this. ethan smirked, his laugh coming out dark and much raspier than usual. “don’t worry doll, i'm not done with you yet. just can't have you here.”

the words went right through you, only adding to the ache between your thighs. ethan took your hand with a profound gentleness, and dropped a soft kiss on your forehead. “before this even starts, are you sure?” 

you nodded eagerly, getting up on your tiptoes to recapture his lips, but ethan pulled back. you furrowed your eyebrows at the tall boy, confused- until he brought a hand up to your face, holding your jaw. ethan tilted your head up, forcing you to meet his eyes. “i need words, baby. are you positive? i can-”

“so sure. i promise.” you nodded at him, your eyes never leaving his. “i want you.”

ethan swore under his breath and kissed you hard before leading you up the stairs. you started to feel the effects of the drug as ethan took you from kitchen to living room, up some stairs… you lost track of all the places you’d been, allowing the weed to cloud everything in a gauzy veil. you felt good; light and somehow heavy at the same time, and you enjoyed the way that everything seemed to slow down. finally, ethan opened a door and pulled you in behind him. you realised where you were- his room. it smelled like ethan, like citrus and musk and something you could only describe as boy. 

you let out a small giggle as ethan reached for a remote, colored lights dousing the room in a sultry red glow. “setting the mood?”

quickly, you were shut up in the best possible way. ethan kissed your roughly, all teeth and tongue and hands everywhere as he backed you against one of his walls. you let yourself get lost in him, basking in the warmth of your hunger for him. one of ethan’s cold hands made its way under your shirt, the other holding your jaw in place as he bit into your bottom lip once again, making you whine. 

“feel good?” ethan asked, breathlessly. you could hear the smirk in his voice, but you couldn’t help the way your back arched at the simple question. your nails dug into his shoulder as ethan slid his thumb under the band of your bra, and he let out a rough moan, managing to undo the clasp with one hand. ethan pulled away from you long enough to rid you of your shirt, discarding your bra on the floor as well while you practically ripped his hoodie off, desperate to feel his skin against your own. he clearly wanted the same, judging by the way he wrapped an arm around your back, pulling you flesh against his chest. 

ethan managed to capture both of your wrists in one of his hands, pinning them above your head. you were unfamiliar with the feeling of being restrained, but the sensation seemed to send your heart thrumming even faster. he kissed you until your lips were sore and your knees were weak before finally dropping his forehead to yours. ethan took his chance, letting his eyes roam all over you and you watched his pupils grow larger until his eyes were practically black. “jesus fuck, y/n. you’re beautiful.”

your voice came out high and breathy as you responded. “ ‘could say the same about you.” you were practically panting, your body no longer responding to your mind as your back arched. ethan let out a hard breath. 

“do you know what you do to me?”

your eyes fluttered shut as ethan’s lips met the sensitive skin of your neck, his tongue exploring the delicate flesh. he quickly found your weak spot and focused his attention there; he let his teeth gently sink into your skin, making you gasp before using his soft tongue to soothe the spot. he repeated this process all over your neck, sucking on your flesh when he found a sweet spot. you knew that you’d be covered in purple-blue bruises, but you’d wear them proudly- that was ethan’s motivation for marking you up.

ethan trailed soft, wet kisses all the way down your neck to your collarbones, groaning at the way you pushed your chest toward him. he hesitated, but started kissing back up your neck, your jaw, back up to your lips. he released his grip on your wrist and you quickly cupped his face in your hands, kissing him with everything in you. you wanted the boy to feel the way you wanted him, and you knew he could as his lips seemed to slow, the kisses getting deeper and deeper. you lost yourself completely in ethan, unsure of where he started and you ended. you could feel his heartbeat against your own, the two thumping rapidly, almost erratic.

the two of you stayed pressed up against each other, your back firmly against the wall for a while, until ethan finally pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “bed?”

you nodded eagerly, wanting the boy all over you. the two of you stumbled, half kissing over to the mattress, falling together. ethan quickly situated himself on top of your body, caging you in between his arms. he began kissing down your body at a torturously slow pace, tracing the dark marks he’d already left with his soft tongue, driving you insane. ethan took his time working down to your breasts, finally taking one of your sensitive nubs into his mouth. you let out an almost guttural moan at the sensation, pleasure overwhelming your senses. ethan hummed at your reaction, only intensifying the feeling. you tangled a hand in his hair, the other digging into his back, leaving long, red scratches on his pale skin. 

ethan swirled his tongue around your bud, taking extreme pride in the way you let your head fall back against the mattress, moans of his name spilling from your lips. he tucked an arm under the arch of your back, pulling your body even closer to him- he didn’t want any space dividing the two of you. ethan pulled off of your puffy nipple with a soft moan, wasting no time in kissing over your chest, pulling the other into his mouth. he covered your chest in dark, deep bruises, admiring his work under the sensual glow of the red lights. “so pretty..”

you couldn’t form full sentences to respond with, just broken moans and pleads and tugs on his hair. ethan found it endearing, the way you wanted him so badly. he couldn’t help but give you what you needed.

he kisses hastily down your body leaving small lovebites here and there on your ribs, your stomach. ethan hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your skirt and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin right above the fabric. “this okay?”

“yes, i- please,” you pleaded, lifting your hips to make it easier. ethan got rid of the piece of clothing, discarding it on his bedroom floor, quickly followed by your panties. he let out a throaty moan, his eyes working over you lazily, like he had all the time in the world. he admired your body until you wriggled underneath him, needing some sort of stimulation. 

“what do you want, baby?”

“you,” you whined, desperation weaving through your voice. ethan pressed gentle, warm kisses on your hip bones, fighting a laugh. 

“i know that. what specifically?”

“fuck, ethan. anything, just touch me. please.”

“okay, okay. and you're positive this is alright?”

“yes. i’m so sure. i swe-” your words died in the back of your throat as ethan pressed his thumb to your clit, rubbing small, soft circles. “holy fuck.”

“already so worked up,” ethan mumbled, pressing kisses to your inner thighs. “this because of me?”

you were taken aback by the way your high seemed to multiply the pleasure by tens of thousands- ethan was barely touching you and you could feel your high approaching quickly. you couldn’t find the words to answer him as ethan shifted between your legs, giving himself a better view of your sex. “does that feel okay?”

a stream of swears left your lips as ethan quickened his pace, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder. “so fucking good, just like that.” the knots in your stomach continued to tighten as you balled the sheets in your fist, tugging at his hair with the other hand.

ethan pressed a kiss dangerously low on your hip, looking up at you. “can i?”

your hips bucked at the tone of his voice, and you nodded vigorously. ethan kept his eyes on yours as he ran his tongue through your folds, lapping your arousal up. he couldn’t help but groan at the taste of you, the way you pulled at his hair, putting his mouth where you wanted it before letting your head fall back onto his bed. ethan started to suck at your sensitive bud, rolling his tongue over the bundle of nerves and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer.

“i- fuck- i’m close.”

he hummed, the vibrations sending you over the edge. your eyes rolled back into your head while you tugged at his hair, your orgasm completely undoing you- the high only added to the sensation, making it that much better. your hips bucked under the skillful work of his soft tongue as ethan let you ride out your high on his face. 

ethan dropped a gentle kiss on your clit before peppering your entire body with them, giggling at the way you squealed. he finally attached his lips to your neck, your jaw, back to your lips. you kissed him hard, tasting yourself off of him. finally, when your exhaustion won out you pulled away, running your hands through ethan’s fluffy hair. 

“how was that?”

you propped yourself up on your elbows, pecking ethan’s lips. “so, so good,” you mewled between heavy breaths. ethan bit down on his lower lip and smiled, pride filling his system. 

“god, you look good moaning my name. you're beautiful, you know,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. ethan looked at you with a tenderness in his eyes, placing another kiss on your lips. “think you can go again?”

ethan started trailing down your body again, not waiting for an answer. he was laser focused on pleasuring you, making you whine and whimper for him- only for him. before he could get far, though, you were grabbing at his arm and shaking your head. he flushed, peeling away from you while starting to profusely apologize, but you pressed a finger to his lips. 

“want you. inside of me,” you explained between pants, still exhausted from the first round of stimulation. ethan threw his head back, swearing. 

“jesus christ, y/n. need me that bad, baby?”

his choice of words drowned you in desire, and you were all his. “yes. please, ethan?”

he wanted to fuck you until all you could do was moan his name just like that, over and over again. before you could process what was happening ethan had his hands all over you, roaming your body as he practically drooled at the sight before him: your already fucked out body, the sweet look painting your face, begging for him. ethan could barely control himself, his words coming out as rough murmurs.

“protection? i mean, i have it.”

you bit at your lip, hard. you were on birth control, and you wanted him- all of him.

shaking your head, you explained. “birth control. we’ll be fine, if you’re comfortable.”

you jumped as ethan moved a finger to your entrance, dipping into your sex. he groaned at the way you clenched around the appendage, his cock jumping in his boxers. “want my cum inside you?”

“yes- fuck, ethan, please,” you begged, reduced to nothing. all you wanted; all you needed was him inside you, ruining your body until you couldn’t take anymore pleasure. 

“so tight,” he mumbled, lining another finger up. you bucked your hips, the sensitivity almost too much as he stretched you out, watching the way your face contorted under his influence. ethan placed a large hand low on your abdomen, applying light pressure. “if you can’t take this, you won’t be able to take me.”

you nodded, pace almost desperate for him to continue. “feels good baby. so good.”

you took note of the pleased expression that stretched over ethan’s face as you praised the boy- you were just telling the truth, but clearly he liked to hear what a good job he was doing. ethan brought his thumb up to your clit, rubbing tight circles on the bundle of nerves and you grabbed at his wrist, nails digging into skin. 

“gonna make me cum again,” you warned, but ethan only smiled at you, nodding almost condescendingly.

“wanna finish on my fingers, pretty girl?”

you wanted to say no, wait to come undone around him, but his movements felt too good. you dug your nails into his arm even harder, your other hand clawing into ethan’s soft sheets as the knots in your stomach came undone, your walls contracting around his fingers tight enough to make him moan. 

ethan let his pace slow, extending your orgasm as you practically rode his hand, crying out in absolute euphoria as he increased pressure on your clit.  unable to form words, you released your grasp on the boy’s arm, bringing your hand up to his face instead. you pulled ethan’s lips down to meet yours, whining at the feeling of his clothed cock grinding against your center.

ethan couldn’t take it anymore, quickly ridding himself of the soft sweatpants. you watched as his manhood sprung up, hitting his abdomen; the sight in and of itself enough to make you let out another bliss-filled noise. ethan let his eyes fall to yours as he stroked himself, shuddering at the heavenly friction. again, his voice came out low as he lined himself up with you.

“sure?”

far beyond words, you nodded and laced your fingers through his. 

ethan returned your grasp with a sweet squeeze, gliding the tip of his cock through your folds- coating himself in your arousal. the two of you moaned in sync; a sweet, satisfied sort of harmony. finally, ethan pushed into you slowly, gasping at the feeling. you couldn’t help the way your eyes rolled back into your head, the feeling of him inside you almost too much. 

“you okay?”

“so good,” you breathed, trying not to yelp at the feeling spreading through your lower body. ethan was well endowed- the biggest you’d ever taken- and it was an addictive sort of pain. he moved slowly, stopping a few times; allowing you to adjust around his length. when he’d bottomed out, ethan let his head fall back, groans escaping his throat.

“so fucking tiny,” he gasped, a groan cutting his statement off. “feel so good around me, gorgeous.”

you nodded at him, trying your best to meet ethan’s eyes as you praised the boy. “so fucking big- you feel so good,” you whined, your hips bucking. “want you so bad.”

a breathless laugh escaped ethan’s lungs as he maneuvered a hand behind one of your thighs, lifting your leg to hook over his shoulder. he pushed even deeper into you and black spots began to crowd the sides of your vision, the pleasure overwhelming. slowly, ethan started to pull out of you, eliciting filthy words and moans from you before he slid his length back in. 

“fucking hell, y/n. so tight,” he said, voice tipping up into a whimper at the end. he quickened his pace, the noise of sleeping skin filling the room. you could barely contain yourself, no longer fighting the stream of murmurs and swears leaving your lips as ethan continued to pump in and out of you. your next orgasm was already building, the coils tightening rapidly in your lower belly.

ethan let his hand wander down to your sensitive bud, almost coming undone at the sight of your eyes fluttering shut. you traced up his forearm, scraping at his sweet skin before knotting your fingers in his hair, tugging at the roots. 

“eyes open, baby. look at me.”

you could’ve cum then and there, the instructions only turning you on further. you forced your eyes open, meeting his as ethan sped up again. an almost animalistic noise left your throat as ethan thrusted into you roughly- you weren’t going to be able to hang on much longer. ethan felt the way your walls were clenching around him, fluttering and tightening as he increased his speed on your clit.

“close?” he asked, unable to say much more than that. your grip around him was euphoric- he was closer than he’d like to be. it hadn’t been more than 20 minutes, but with the way you were pulling at his head, almost crying in completely bliss, ethan wanted to fill you to the brim with his cum then fuck it into your sensitive pussy, overstimulating the sweet flesh.

you nodded, humming a small “mhm,” as you looked at him with wide eyes. ethan paused for a moment, shifting your leg up even higher onto his shoulder before plunging back into you. you felt the head of his cock hit a new, even more delicious spot and you became almost delirious. looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, you felt a tear crawl down your cheek.

“gonna cum, ethan-”

“fuck- me too. let go, baby.”

your entire body seemed to shake and shudder under the force of your orgasm- it hit you like a fucking train. you felt ethan’s thrusts get sloppier as he buried himself inside you, his head dropping to the crook of your neck. he whimpered as he shot his cum deep into your pussy, the sensation all consuming. the two of you stayed like that for a while- riding out your highs with each other, rough moans turned to honey-sweet mewls. 

as your heart rate started to come down, you peppered the boy's face with soft, careless kisses: ones that he gladly returned. ethan finally found your lips, pressing tender, long kisses to the swollen skin. 

“you’re a fucking god,” you murmured, stressing the word as ethan’s face flushed even hotter than it already had been.

“that,” he huffed, breathing still hard and uneven, “would be you.”

you giggled at the statement, your voice hitching as ethan slowly pulled out of you. you could feel a mixture of him and you spill out, the substance flowing over your things as ethan kissed down your body, taking in the sight between your legs. 

“so pretty, baby,” he whispered, sinking a long finger into your pussy. your whole body spasmed at the feeling, completely overstimulated. ethan pulled out of you softly, watching the way his cum seemed to spill out of you endlessly. he placed small, delicate kisses to the marks he’d left covering your thighs, admiring his work. “can i keep you here for the night?” he asked, eyes turning affectionate.

you nodded at the boy as he came back up to meet your lips, then your forehead. as you settled onto his chest, drawing lazy patterns on his skin, ethan's voice seemed to return to normal.

“such a good girl.”

[britt-writes]

hi lovely i have a request for you because youre work is absolutely amazing aHH ! could you maybe so some headcanons/oneshot on lucas making his gf cry cause he's getting all pissed with his computer n is getting angry and then accidentally takes it out on his gf?? there's no pressure at all, I really do love your work and I'm so happy you write for Lucas <33

Thank you so so much, I really appreciate it, and I'm happy to do this request for you! I went for a little drabble with this one. Hopefully, I didn't make you wait too long for it. 💕 (I added a cut since it was getting a bit long and, and I don't want to invade people's dashes.)

Prompt: Lucas making his girlfriend cry

Drabble title: Poor Choice of Words

Word Count: 2008

With the semester coming to a close, you found yourself balls deep in what felt like never-ending exams to study for and detailed research papers to type. Needless to say that the hefty accumulation of college work had been piling up on you, leaving you stressed and fatigued, ultimately leaving you with no motivation or desire to get work done; just this huge blank whenever you stared at your books.

Barely able to hold yourself together with this massive headache from the free-for-all death match your thoughts were having up there, you were in desperate need of some quiet and rest. You were sure that you’d eventually break down if you didn’t.

Lucas was nice enough to let you get that quiet you needed, letting you take over his bed to nap and rest your head and eyes while he tapped away on his computer. He kept it down, which you appreciated. He’d always been the strong, silent type of guy. The only noises you could hear were the clicking of his keyboard and his foot tapping at the ground—a little tic of his, being rather fidgety.

You hadn’t quite fallen asleep, being quite restless, but you did occasionally lull in and out of consciousness. Maybe it was the damn heat wave that hit Dulvey that kept you up, or maybe it was your headache, but nonetheless, it felt nice to lie down and do nothing, worrying about nothing.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed since you had decided to lie down in your lover’s bed, but as the seconds ticked by, you could hear Lucas’ foot tapping becoming faster, seemingly aggressive. His fingers had also joined in, just tapping at the desk.

You didn’t think much of it at first, brushing it off as Lucas simply being his regular, fidgety self; he’d probably stop in a minute or so. But then you heard a low growl from him, followed by a series of curses muttered underneath his breath.

“C'mon, ya slow piece o’ shit,” you heard him say.

Shifting around, you faced him, opening your eyes. Lucas was having some issues with his computer, and one quick glance showed that his programs and even cursor were running at abysmally sluggish speeds. You weren’t sure how you hadn’t heard it at first, but his computer’s fans were loud as hell, probably working their asses off. When was the last time Lucas cleaned them? The poor old box computer sounded like it was suffering.

“Motherfucker!” Lucas suddenly yelled out, nearly jolting you out of your skin.

You flinched as he began smacking the computer, making you sit up on the bed as you stared at Lucas while his patience ran thinner with every passing second. You remained still and quiet, worried about his state of anger, but also unsure if you should intervene in an attempt to get him to simmer down. Truth be told, you hated watching people get angry, even if the anger wasn’t directed at you; it put you in a state of anxiety, wanting nothing more to keep the situation from escalating further.

“Aw, what the hell?! What now?!” He yelled as his screen seemed to freeze.

“Um, hey, babe?” You intervened, sounding very meek.

He didn’t reply, continuing to aggressively fumble with his computer, still spewing insults and curses at the device. Maybe that should have been your cue to leave Lucas be, but you didn’t take it, wanting to help him.

“Babe?” You said again, a little louder this time in case he hadn’t heard you the first time over the sound of his own voice.

“What?” Lucas said rather sharply.

“Do you want me to help or something? How about you turn it off and try cleaning the fans to start off? Then, maybe-”

Lucas whirled around to face you, the annoyed look on his face immediately shutting you up.

“What the fuck would yer dumbass know? Shit’s already fucked, so I don’t need it worsenin’. I don’t need yer fuckin’ help, so mind yer goddamn business,” he said before going back to his computer, not paying you any further mind.

You had never been on the receiving end of Lucas’ outbursts until now. Maybe you were being too sensitive, but you couldn’t help the tears threatening to fall. Sure, you and Lucas have insulted each other plenty of times in the past, but it was all obvious playful banter and teasing between the two of you with no ill intentions. This time around, he held this dead serious expression and tone, making you feel like he actually thought that of you.

Lucas was short-tempered, prone to outbursts at the slightest inconvenience, and you knew that he ran his mouth faster than his brain during those moments. He often did or said things that he didn’t truly mean, letting his anger get the best of him. He probably hadn’t even realized what he said, but that still didn’t mean that you didn’t feel as if your heart shattered in millions of pieces at his poor choice of words.

Wordlessly, you lied back down, facing the wall as you curled up underneath the blankets. A few tears streamed down your cheeks as you tried your best to keep quiet, not wanting to make a scene. You just hoped that Lucas would soon enough calm down on his own accord.

~~~~~~

He’d say that a little over half an hour had passed since his computer started acting up, but Lucas had since abandoned the device to fool around on his phone, feet propped atop his desk. At least he was distancing himself from the source of his anger.

Maybe about a year ago, Lucas would still be fuming and smashing things around his room, but ever since you came into his life, he’s been getting better at taking breaks, not fixating on whatever was irritating him in order to cool down a bit. You were there to comfort him, listen to his venting and clear his head.

Overall, a model lover with the patience of a saint to deal with him— Lucas himself would be the first to say it.

So, why the fuck did he yell at you the way he did earlier? He absolutely hated any asshole who dared make you upset; Lucas always promised to make quick work of anybody who hurt you, and all you had to do was say the word.

But now, Lucas was the one to feel like the biggest shithead ever.

Earlier feelings of fury were slowly being replaced by regret, which was an odd feeling. It was a first for him; he’s never really given a shit enough to feel regret or shame for his actions, even when he knew that he was in the wrong. But it felt different when it involved you. Maybe he still felt anger, anger at himself for treating you like shit when all you wanted to do was help him because you cared.

You were already stressed enough in the first place with all the work you had to do, and Lucas wasn’t helping by taking out his anger on you. It was an accident; he really regretted it.

Looking back at you, Lucas saw that you were still curled on his bed. You hadn’t said anything in the last half hour, so he wondered if you had fallen asleep, though you may just be ignoring him after the things he said. He didn’t like that thought, but he knew he deserved it.

He could feel panic settling in his chest— what if he fucked up for good? What if you drew the line there? What if this was the moment you realized you could do better than him? What if you walked out on him?

Those ‘what if’ questions made him nauseated. Lucas was shit at showing it, but you were his entire world. This relationship was his only motivation to even bother trying in life. Without you, he was sure that he’d either end up thrown into the streets or in jail— just some loser with no chance in hell to make it.

He had to calm the fuck down, he thought. He knew damn well that having an internal breakdown over something that was his fault in the first place wasn’t going to get him anywhere.

He stood up from his chair, cautiously approaching his bed, almost unsure of what he should do. It was like he was second-guessing himself— maybe he should let you sleep it off.

But Lucas ultimately decided to join you in bed, slowly scooting against you and draping his arm over your waist. He already felt like shit, but the feeling only worsened when he felt you flinch, and after an uncomfortable minute of silence, Lucas finally found it in himself to say something.

“Are ya mad at me?” He asked.

And he wanted nothing more than to ram his head against drywall, not impressed with the way he chose to open up.

“Are you mad at me?” You countered in a shaky tone that split his heart in two.

“Wasn’t mad at ya… jus’ the computer,” he said.

“Do you really think I’m dumb?” You asked, voice nearly inaudible.

“C'mon baby, y'know I don’t,” he said.

The silence on your end was goddamn unnerving, absolutely stressing him out. As the seconds ticked by, Lucas could feel his breathing become ragged and heavy, the atmosphere making him increasingly more anxious.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, realizing that he should have said that in the first place.

Lucas didn’t remember the last time he apologized to someone. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he ever did in his lifetime.

“I just wanted to help,” you said, voice quivering. “But you just yelled at me instead.”

And then the sobs came; Lucas could feel your body shake against him. Oh, God. He made you cry. Lucas didn’t think it was possible for him to feel any shittier at the moment, but here he was.

“No-no-no-no— don’t cry,” Lucas shushed, holding you tighter and burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, baby,” he apologized again. “I know ya just wanted to help, 'cause yer just the sweetest thing out there.”

“You looked so serious… like you really meant it,” you managed to say through choked up cries. “I feel like I’m the stupidest bother to you.”

“Didn’t mean a goddamn word of it. I know it ain’t no excuse, but I wasn’t thinkin’ right. Aw, shit— I’m the stupid piece o’ crap here. Yer hella smart, darlin’; there ain’t one part o’ ya that’s dumb,” he said. “Y'know I love ya, right?”

You were taking your sweet time to respond, making Lucas all the more anxious. He thought that he had royally fucked up beyond repair.

“Do you… d'ya still love me?” He asked, finding himself ridiculously pathetic for asking such a thing; the shakiness in his tone didn’t help either.

“Of course I do,” you said.

Lucas found some relief in the swift response at his question— no stuttering, no vague answers, no skipped beat. Your crying had also started to die down.

“So, you ain’t gonna, ya know, leave or somethin’?” He asked.

“No. I wouldn’t break up with you over something like this. It’s not worth our entire relationship,” you said. “I’m just a little sad over it. It’s… not really fun getting yelled at by someone you love, you know?”

Lucas nodded. “Yeah.”

Of course nobody liked getting into fights with their loved ones. He sure as hell knew that he’d blow a fuse if you yelled and insulted him the way he had.

“I have anger issues…” he mumbled.

“I know,” you said. “But you’re not as bad as you used to be.”

Lucas could only promise to get better going forward, and with your encouragement, he was sure that he’d be able to do it. But he’d have to try hard, and he knew it.

“Y'ave been hella stressed lately. Want me to help you study later, or somethin’?” He offered.

“If you have time, that’d motivate me.”

“Yeah, I got time. Don’t got much to do in the first place.”

You turned around to face him, wiping the remainder of your tears and offering a small smile before pressing your lips against his in a soft, sweet kiss. You then nuzzled Lucas’ chest as he cradled you protectively against him.

Apology accepted.