#more like me and the bad bitch I pulled by having adhd but still
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Luz’s face here is the epitome of “me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic.”
#shut up zach#toh spoilers#the owl house spoilers#toh#the owl house#toh luz#toh amity#lumity#more like me and the bad bitch I pulled by having adhd but still#her rizz here is unmatched.#icon behavior.#I wish we could have seen the full fit!!!
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#tag talk#the problem with going out and meeting new people to make friends is that so many people are highkey unbearable to be around#they'll fuck up basic scheduling for dates and meetups. they'll flake and message you about it two days later.#literally scheduled a dinner date with some dude and he never showed. texts me an hour later like “sorry I fell asleep” bitch you what?#like. messaging me literally last minute going “hey I've decided to not show up” is better than ghosting.#this isn't the first time something like this has happened. but like. why do people not respect my time.#I try so hard to communicate clearly and be transparent about timeline and schedule and letting people know if something comes up#and I'm not saying I'm better than other people. I'm saying I don't know why other people don't do it too. it feels like the bare minimum.#anyway. my brother was giving me shit for not sticking with friends for more than a few months and like. bro I have good reason.#I'm not going to choose to put in the effort for a relationship with someone if it's constant work on my end and constant let-downs on thei#like. bro I know I'm just some cheap ass to you but I'm still a person so maybe realize that I've put you in my schedule respect that#anyway. not being lonely isn't as easy as meeting new people. you have to actually like the people you meet.#meeting people you hate just entrenches you in the desire to never talk to people ever again.#unrelated. I cooked the best chicken of my life yesterday. milk butter garlic onion and lemon pepper.#crushed and minced garlic. diced onion. milk. butter. lemon pepper. heated in a pan.#then chicken pieces added to sauce in pan for a little bit. then moved to a pan in the oven.#I usually don't like chicken but damn this is genuinely so good. also my parents always cut chicken cross-grain and imo it's harder to eat#I prefer cutting the meat with the grain. idk why but it's so much easier to chew.#oh! pro tip. if you have trouble with milk going bad in the fridge cause you don't use it enough. powdered milk. big adhd tip#I can leave the tin of powdered milk in the pantry for months and then pull it out whenever I need it. no worry about spoiled milk#back to social and people. like. even nice people. I just don't like them anyway. idk why. like. nice polite people. mm too boring#would I like to be able to hold onto friends? sure. is that a reasonable expectation given my track record? no#I wasn't joking when I said I could drop tumblr no problem. it's nice here but relationships are fragile nothing built on air and dust#idk. cursed to a life of eternal loneliness. super fun. don't take this as a call for help. I don't need you to say “I'm sorry you're sad”
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{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Repairing Our Busted-Ass World
On poverty:
Starting from nothing
How To Start at Rock Bottom: Welfare Programs and the Social Safety Net
How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year
Ask the Bitches: “Is It Too Late to Get My Financial Shit Together?“
Understanding why people are poor
It’s More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich
Why Are Poor People Poor and Rich People Rich?
On Financial Discipline, Generational Poverty, and Marshmallows
Bitchtastic Book Review: Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado
Is Gentrification Just Artisanal, Small-Batch Displacement of the Poor?
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights
Developing compassion for poor people
The Latte Factor, Poor Shaming, and Economic Compassion
Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Stop Myself from Judging Homeless People?“
The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don’t Tell Me What’s Expensive
A Little Princess: Intersectional Feminist Masterpiece?
If You Can’t Afford to Tip 20%, You Can’t Afford to Dine Out
Correcting income inequality
1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap
One Reason Women Make Less Money? They’re Afraid of Being Raped and Killed.
Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make All Our Lives Better
Are Unions Good or Bad?
On intersectional social issues:
Reproductive rights
On Pulling Weeds and Fighting Back: How (and Why) to Protect Abortion Rights
How To Get an Abortion
Blood Money: Menstrual Products for Surviving Your Period While Poor
You Don’t Have to Have Kids
Gender equality
1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap
The Pink Tax, Or: How I Learned to Love Smelling Like “Bearglove”
Our Single Best Piece of Advice for Women (and Men) on International Women’s Day
Bitchtastic Book Review: The Feminist Financial Handbook by Brynne Conroy
Sexual Harassment: How to Identify and Fight It in the Workplace
Queer issues
Queer Finance 101: Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances
Leaving Home before 18: A Practical Guide for Cast-Offs, Runaways, and Everybody in Between
Racial justice
The Financial Advantages of Being White
Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job
The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander: A Bitchtastic Book Review
Something Is Wrong in Personal Finance. Here’s How To Make It More Inclusive.
The Biggest Threat to Black Wealth Is White Terrorism
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality
10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now
Youth issues
What We Talk About When We Talk About Student Loans
The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships
Ask the Bitches: “I Just Turned 18 and My Parents Are Kicking Me Out. How Do I Brace Myself?”
Identifying and combatting abuse
When Money is the Weapon: Understanding Intimate Partner Financial Abuse
Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace
Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Say ‘No’ When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again?”
Ask the Bitches: I Was Guilted Into Caring for a Sick, Abusive Parent. Now What?
On mental health:
Understanding mental health issues
How Mental Health Affects Your Finances
Stop Recommending Therapy Like It’s a Magic Bean That’ll Grow Me a Beanstalk to Neurotypicaltown
Bitchtastic Book Review: Kurt Vonnegut’s Galapagos and Your Big Brain
Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Protect My Own Mental Health While Still Helping Others?”
Coping with mental health issues
{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care
My 25 Secrets to Successfully Working from Home with ADHD
Our Master List of 100% Free Mental Health Self-Care Tactics
On saving the planet:
Changing the system
Don’t Boo, Vote: If You Don’t Vote, No One Can Hear You Scream
Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less
The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide: I Have No Gift to Bring, Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum
Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality
Shopping smarter
You Deserve Cheap Toilet Paper, You Beautiful Fucking Moon Goddess
You Are above Bottled Water, You Elegant Land Mermaid
Fast Fashion: Why It’s Fucking up the World and How To Avoid It
You Deserve Cheap, Fake Jewelry… Just Like Coco Chanel
6 Proven Tactics for Avoiding Emotional Impulse Spending
Join the Bitches on Patreon
#poverty#economics#income inequality#wealth inequality#capitalism#working class#labor rights#workers rights#frugal#personal finance#financial literacy#consumerism#environmentalism
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hii!! can you write smut about tom were you're sucking his dick for the first time? hes just looking down at your teary eyes and getting more and more turned on GAHHWD🤕🙏
% “always be my boy, i'll always be your girl.”
# synopsis ; what the ask said‼️‼️
# pairing ; tom kaulitz x reader
# word count ; 490
# tags ; nsfw (mdni), oral (m receiving), degradation, should’ve pumped this bitch out in a day but i got stressed while procrastinating it and adhd made me deep clean my bathroom instead (who knew bleach could make a tub smell like a public chlorine pool) so who knows if its bad
a/n ; i’m hitting post and running away this was so bad I’M VOMITTINH
tom is a head pusher. you probably would have gathered that if you assumed based off what he’s said in his interviews before, but nothing could’ve prepared you to be kneeling in front of him for what was close to a consecutive hour. do you remember what led up to this point? no, if that doesn’t count giving each other hickeys almost aggressively after a big interview on a show.
regardless, you were practically being used. head rolled back, offering a view of tom’s jawline as he groaned up into the air about how you were on your knees letting him fuck into your mouth with your hands braced against his legs. you’d been doing nothing but letting him use you, gagging around his length as reward for cooperating so well.
spit from your mouth starts to spill down your chin, mirroring the tears and whatever smoky makeup you had put on before the show from your eyes actively running down your face. your gagging starts to get a little louder from his quickening pace, and in taking notice, he looks down to mock and smile at you.
“..was für eine schmutzige hure.” what a dirty whore.
he groans, making sure to emphasize each word with a hard thrust down your relaxed throat, “take it, take it all like a good girl since you want it so bad.”
and you do. maybe it was the way the interviewer kept making sly advances towards your boyfriend the entire time, and yet he dodged every one of them so naturally but he even made sure to mention you in nearly every answer he could, maybe that was why you wanted his thick cock in your mouth so bad.
through your eyes rolling back and tom hitting the back of your throat over and over again, you gathered enough composure to start swirling and lapping your tongue around his length, keeping extra attention aside to keep your cheeks hollow.
his thrusts faltered a bit, his hips slowing down stuttering but nevertheless still rocking himself into your mouth. continuing his pace, both hands you braced on his legs slid up to paw at his length and pull your head back to the tip just to fall back to the hilt of his cock. tom’s guidance began to fall short, moving to just rest on your head while you started to control the moving.
the simple up-and-down motion evolved into a maneuvering to give special attention to his tip and make space for your hands that stroked and rubbed with the pace of your lapping, using spit that spilled from your mouth to make a messy lube.
if you told tom from however long ago that you weren’t sucking the soul out of his dick that you’d never gave a blowjob before and were later going to give him possibly the most earth-shattering orgasm of his life with little to no guidance, he might’ve laughed.
a/n ; long time no seeeeee 😋😋 im not even gonna lie to you guys cause this is tumblr i dont have to live in fear >:( but i did suck dick to method write for this, love you guyssss
a/n 2 ; if yg on my taglist dont fw the tagging anymore lmk i’ll take you off‼️
© ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO VICKYZANGELS. do not steal, repost, plagiarize, or use my work for anything.
taglist ; @lixs-l4cefairy @imabitchh @arquiiva @verelace @iovemoonyy @bl1ngringz
#tom kaulitz x reader#tokio hotel#tom kaulitz smut#tokio hotel fanfic#tokio hotel x reader#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz fanfic
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It's just a hobby. (Drabble)
Summary: You took up a new hobby, and Dean likes to poke and tease you for it, but you feel the need to seek a little revenge for the constant joking.
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Word Count: 3300+
A/N: I started this during the summer when I started five different crocheting projects (ADHD carried my summer hobbies) and decided to finish it before school started back up. I am currently still writing Found Memories, but I have to put a pause on it as the first month of school tends to take a lot of my time away from hobbies like writing… I’m moving to teach 8th-grade English this year and could use all the energy you’re all willing to send my way! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this short story, and I’m happy to have the inspiration to write for Dean again :)
(Also, this is the closest to smut I think I've ever written...)
_______
“Seriously?” Dean grumbled as he looked in the rearview mirror seeing me pulling yarn to untangle a knot I had created.
Knowing where he was going with his normal banter, I just laughed and continued to focus on the craft in front of me.
“I pulled this out like 20 minutes ago. How are you just now noticing?”
“I’m watching the road,” he argued, and I rolled my eyes. As always, he had been sneaking glances to the back of the cab at me every other minute. “The hunt wasn’t even 40 minutes away from the bunker. Why did you bring that?”
“Why do you listen to the same three Led Zeppelin songs when you're upset about a hunt?” I countered, and he opened his mouth to disagree, but I answered for him to skip the sarcastic conversation brewing. “Comfort Dean. It’s all about comfort.”
“Why are you so weirded out by a normal hobby?” Sam jumped in, smirking, and sporting one of the many beanies I had made him with said hobby, which he had come to love. He looked down at a newspaper in his lap, no doubt already scoping out a new hunt.
“It’s not-” Dean stumbled on his answer. “I’m not weirded out by it. It’s just not a hobby I imagine someone like Y/N taking up.”
“You just described why you’re weirded out by it,” Sam looked at him with a blank stare.
He ignored him and rolled his eyes.
“What kind of people do you imagine the crocheting community to be full of?” I smiled, still looking down at my hands and knowing his answer already.
“Grandmas,” he replied almost immediately.
“Hmm,” I hummed as if surprised by his confession, even if it was wrong. “Well, if that’s the case, I’ll stop wasting my talents on things for you.”
I could see his eyes shoot up in the mirror and a look of regret ghost over his green orbs.
Dean liked to make a big deal about this particular hobby I had started up a little over six months ago. I think a part of him just liked to tease me about it, but deep down, I knew he was proud of my growth. He was just bad at voicing it.
The first things I ever crocheted were just simple squares in different stitch work to learn a variety of them better. Those squares became washcloths and, surprisingly, were still used daily in the kitchen.
I learned to make bags, socks, hats, sweaters, stuffed animals, and even a few blankets.
“Just 30 minutes ago, you took down five security guards, wrestled three teenage vampires, and booby-trapped half of his nest. Now you’re crocheting a sweater for Charlie that says, ‘What’s up bitches?’ in the backseat. Mind you, with blood still smeared on your face,” he raised an eyebrow at me in the mirror.
I looked up and leaned toward the front to get a better look at myself.
“Oh, shit, I thought I got it all,” I groaned, seeing a smear on the side of my face I must have missed.
“It doesn’t add up,” he shook his head, but I could see a joking smile on his lips.
“Much to your surprise Dean, girls can have more than one personality trait. I know you boys are all, ‘Ugh, monsters! Kill, kill, kill! I need a scotch in my hand and The God Father playing on loop in the background to show how manly I-’
“Hey,” Sam cut me off and looked at me with his sad puppy dog eyes. “I’m on your side.”
“You’re right… You also like to read and share fun facts,” I winked, touseling his hair and getting a scoff of a laugh as he swatted my hand away. “See how hurtful it can be when you forget our brains have the capacity to do more than one thing?” I turned back to Dean with my arms crossed on the bench seat in front of me.
“I don’t think you're incapable of having more than one interest in life; I just think it’s interesting that you chose a 90-year-old women's side gig as your hobby,” Dean countered, pulling into the garage.
“Well, if you can’t appreciate it, then you can’t have the gifts my hard work creates,” I huffed, gathering my things and sliding back to the door as Dean parked the car.
Once the car was in park, I was the first out. I wasn’t actually mad at him, I was a hundred percent messing with him, but he deserved it for teasing me this long about it when I knew he loved everything I had made him this far.
He had a favorite blanket that he preferred to sleep with now. He had a nice sweater he wore around the bunker when he was cold. He had a few pairs of socks he preferred over store-bought ones. He even had a miniature plush Batman figurine that sat on his desk that I had learned to crochet just for him.
“Y/N, you don’t mean that!” he called after me, standing in the door on the driver's side of the Impala and shouting over the roof of it where I was walking inside.
“We'll find out soon,” I yelled back, never turning around.
The next three days, I teased him like he had me about this whole ordeal, but in my own way.
When we were cooking in the kitchen or doing dishes, if he grabbed one of the squares that now acted as our kitchen hand towels, I would steal it from his hands and say, “Sorry, merchandise can only be used by those who value it.”
With which he would respond, “Wait! I need that!” with his hands drenched in water after washing his hands.
Just for extra measure, I took all the towels and moved them to a new place only Sam and I knew. He was happy to join in on my little prank, and every time he had one, he made sure Dean saw him with it.
“Where did you get that?” Dean would jump up from wherever he was and march over to him to try and steal it.
“Only the VIP customers have access to these,” Sam would wave it above his head out of reach of Dean.
Another time, after a hunt, it was freezing in our motel room, where the heater barely worked, and the hotel didn't have enough blankets. Luckily I had one packed in the trunk of Baby, and I used it for extra coverage.
Even though Dean and I shared a bed, I wrapped it around me as I slept and said, “Sucks that you hate this so much, or else I’d share with you…”
He stared at me with complete annoyance when I gave him an exaggerated “Oh well” face before stealing it all for myself.
I did, however, wake up to sharing it, but only because he had stolen it, and I was too tired to fight him about it.
I think one of my favorite times I rebuked him of his privileges was when he was wearing a pair of socks I had made him for Christmas around the house. I may have gotten a little more intense than I needed to, but the look on his face made it worth it.
He had come into the movie room to binge a few episodes of a new series I got him hooked on, and after he called me in to watch with him, I noticed the specific socks he had on.
I grinned once my brain had formulated a plan to make him regret ever giving me hell for a hobby he obviously loved himself.
“Claire said there was a show called Love Island we should watch. I have no clue what it’s about, but she said it was popular and what the kids are watching now,” Dean conversed as he grabbed the remote from the table and stood with a blanket (not one of mine, as I had relocated all of them so he couldn’t find them) around his shoulders.
He was in the perfect position for my plan.
I walked over and, instead of facing the TV, stood right in front of him and looked up at him.
“You know what we could do?” I whispered in a low and sultry voice, bringing my hand up to his chest and inching my fingers up to the collar of his t-shirt before pulling at it gently. His eyes instantly darkened, and he was frozen in his place.
“Wh-What, uh, what can we do?” he stammered out. Even after three years of dating, he still got nervous. I loved it.
“I think you know what,” I said, tiptoeing upward to quietly say in his ear, bringing my hand from his chest to the back of his neck, softly pulling him closer to me.
“I think I have an idea,” he replied more confidently, immediately bringing his free hand to my waist and squeezing it.
I could have faltered there, but I held strong. I was going to make him pay for all his little ‘grandma’ jokes he had sent my way the last few months.
I pulled back, sending him a smirk that I knew revved him up. He returned it with his own and started leaning down, forgetting his grip on the blanket and remote. Now both of his hands sat on my hips with a stronghold.
Before he could lean down any further, I pushed him backward harshly on the couch, and at first, he was shocked, then he was excited.
Slouched into the cushion, looking up at me, his tongue came out to lick his lips and ended with a bite to his lower lip as he eyed me up and down as I stood over him.
“Dear God, Y/N,” he hummed under his breath.
I guess it helped that I was wearing some of my shorter PJ shorts, ones he had told me were his favorites, and a shirt that was cropped and slightly falling off my shoulder.
He had a thing for me being in a disheveled manner like this. Reminded him of how I looked after we fucked around, and he held pride knowing he played a part in the kind of glow I gave off.
I wasn’t sure how long I could do this without failing myself on the original mission. I came here to fuck with him, and now he was the fucker. Or at least he was going to be if I didn’t follow through with my plan in the next minute.
“You know, you should be happy you were by the couch,” I smiled, stepping to him and strategically bringing my legs to straddle his hips teasingly.
His breath hitched at that, and I knew I had regained the upper hand.
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” he hummed as he admired my hands pressing into his chest as I leaned in, bringing myself closer to him.
“I was about to take you wherever I found you,” I whispered, looking him dead in the eyes with a soft smile. I looked him up and down and bit the inside of my cheek. That seemed to trigger his hands back to my hips instantly. This time a much more possessive lock on them.
“I don’t know where this is coming from, but I can’t complain,” he said lowly, and I knew he was hooked. Now it was time for revenge.
“Can I ask you a question?” I hummed, running my finger lightly over his hair down to his jaw, using the tip of it to push his chin up so I could see his eyes better.
“Please,” he buzzed, drunk with lust.
“Hmm,” I hummed, smiling more, dropping my gaze to his lips, then back at his eyes where he was drowning in dopamine by our current position. “Those socks you have on?” He didn’t catch on immediately and just furrowed his eyes as he processed what I asked. “They look familiar.”
I leaned back from my seat, still straddling his hips, but not with nearly as much pressure as before.
“What-” Dean started, but it dawned on him mid-thought. His eyes went from ready to tear my clothes off to annoyed realization. “Seriously.”
“What?” I feigned ignorance and stood up, repositioning myself between his legs, both hands on his knees as I looked at him and leaned over.
He couldn’t tell which way this was going for him, and that was the point. I was still winning this little game.
I eased myself lower, squatting with my knees going into the couch and in between his thighs. My hands went flat on his knees and slowly started working up his thighs.
“I can’t tell what you’re doing here, Y/N,” he said in a breathy voice. I watched as he tried to control himself, looking up away from me but not being able to help react to my hands on him.
“I’m not doing anything,” I said in a voice that made him lower his nervous wandering eyes back to me. The amount of green in his eyes disappeared slowly.
“You’re teasing me,” he said shortly as if he was worried his voice would tremble if he didn’t get it out quickly.
“Maybe, maybe not,” I shrugged with a pursed lip before bringing my hands slowly back down his legs.
“You’re mad at me,” he stuttered the last word when my hands worked their way back up, but further up than before.
“Now, why would you think that?” I tutted, shaking my head with an exaggerated look of hurt.
All he could do was take a slow, deep breath in as I tilted my head and smiled devilishly at him.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t play innocent.”
I grinned.
“You and I both know I’m far from that…” My tone was darker than before but in a seductive and tempting manner.
He couldn’t hold back anymore. He shot up from his slouched position and leaned forward, grabbing my forearms in his hands and pulling me up in his lap with his nose mere inches from my own.
“If your goal was to make me suffer, you won,” he whispered so quietly; if I wasn't this close, I wouldn't have heard it. He tilted his head up just enough for our noses to brush before pulling back.
“Keep it together, girl… Keep it fucking together,” I repeated in my head.
“Did I? Or am I just getting started?” I snarked, and that caused the new grip on my thigh to tighten, and I almost groaned at the pressure.
“Don’t start a war you can’t win,” he smirked, feeling as though he possessed the power.
Two can play that game.
I smiled, bringing my free hand up and tracing it behind his ear before wrapping it slowly around the back of his neck. I brought his face closer to mine but stopped right when I could feel the brush of his lips.
Our chests were pressed into each other, and I could feel his heart rate pick up. Perfect.
I nudged our noses again and smiled as his eyes closed, and he naturally and lazily chased my lips.
I rocked my hips in a measured manner, placed perfectly in the middle of his lap, and he sucked in a breath at the friction.
“Women don’t start wars. They finish them,” I whispered before promptly standing up and, in a swift motion, yanking the socks he had on off and walking to the exit.
“Y/N!” I could hear his shout from the couch from where I knew he was with a full hard-on, unable to move just yet.
“This granny is going to bed!” I shouted, speed-walking to my room in case he decided to run after me.
“You little-!” the shout still seemed far behind me, and I quickly shut my bedroom door and locked it.
Thankfully, I think I left him incapacitated for a second, and he didn’t follow me immediately.
I actually didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night. I hoped I didn’t upset him, but also, the whole reason I had done what I had was because he had become a little ass about my favorite hobby. I don’t mind the jokes, but after a while, you want a pat on the back for learning something new. Especially from someone you care about.
I went ahead and did my normal nighttime routine and got into bed before I started to read a book. I must have dozed off while reading because I woke up to the lights out, my book on the end table, and Dean crawling into the other side of the bed.
Before I could say anything, his arms came around my waist, and he pulled me to his core. He was in his boxers and one of his soft t-shirts I made him wear to bed.
For the record, I was perfectly fine with him in no shirt (or pants, for that matter), but when he did wear a shirt, I made him put on a certain kind cause his band and certain graphic tee ones were itchy on me when we cuddled.
He took a deep sigh and nuzzled his face into the crevice between my neck and shoulder, one of his favorite places.
“Why’d you lock your door?” he asked, already knowing I had woken up.
He had definitely picked the lock.
“I thought you were going to hunt me down, and I forgot to unlock it,” I replied sleepily.
There was silence for a minute, and eventually, he spoke up, whispering in my ear his apology.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?” I sighed with a winning grin he couldn't see, knowing why but playing coy anyway.
“I’m sorry I haven’t told you how much I appreciate your brain,” he answered.
That was not what I expected, but I was intrigued.
“Hmmm,” I smiled, moving my hands to his that were wrapped around my ribs and nuzzling my backside closer to him. “Don’t stop now; you’re on a roll.”
He laughed and invited my attempt to fit into him like a puzzle piece.
“You’re ambitious with everything you want to learn to do, and I don’t tell you enough how much of a turn-on that is,” he hummed, rubbing his head into mine and peppering a kiss on my neck here and there. “And I know you know how much I love the skills you gain, but sometimes I’m bad about just saying how impressive you are to me.”
“You like my crocheting skills, Winchester,” I chuckled, turning my body to face him now and throwing one of my legs over his hips, pulling back in some. “Just say it.”
“I love your crocheting skills,” he replied with a wide grin and brought a hand up to move the stray hairs that fell on my face. “I love your baking and cooking. I love your impressive TV show-binging skills. I love the random facts you have stored in that beautiful brain of yours. I love your surprisingly nerdy side of Marvel and superheroes. I love your attempt at being a gardener.”
“Hey, I have three plants that are thriving right now!” I argued, poking a finger in his chest, which he grabbed and kissed the tip of.
“I love everything you’re passionate about,” he finished off. “I don’t tell you enough, and sometimes I like to see that face you give me when I tease you.” I gave him a look. “Maybe more than sometimes… But! I do love all those things and more about you, Y/N.”
“I don’t doubt it,” I replied, scooting in closer. “But it is nice to hear it from those captivating lips of yours.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
We started smiling at each other, and I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about earlier.
“I’m sorry I teased you,” I sighed, moving to where I was embedded in his chest, and he wrapped himself back around me.
“Don’t be. I deserved it,” he replied, chin on my head before he bent down and kissed the top of it. “I will say, though, I’ve never been mad about seeing that side of you.”
“What side?” I looked up at him.
“Don’t act like you didn’t know what you were doing,” he chuckled, pulling my head back to him.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed after a minute. “Hey.”
“Hm?”
“You’re my favorite person. You know that, right?”
“Feelings are very much mutual,” he answered, caressing a hand up and down my back.
“Good. I’d have to kill you with one of my knitting needles if you said otherwise. Who said needleworking wasn’t dangerous, right?”
My Lovelies Forever:
@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter @marvelfansworld @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @carls1022 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @drakelover78 @caruhleener
Supernatural Tags:
@flamencodiva @hobby27 @sucker-for-dean @deans-baby-momma @squirrelgirl67 @death-unbecomes-you @snffbeebee @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @spnbaby-67 @akshi8278 @musiclovinchic93 @vicmc624 @carryon-doctor-lock @perpetualabsurdity @herscrunchiehairtie @spnwoman @shamelesslydean @monkeymcpoopoo @winchestergirl82 @luciathewinchestergirl @deansyahtzee @thatgirl1456 @sucker-for-dean @atomicloverdonkeyperson @screechingartisancashbailiff @akshi8278 @supernatural3002
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x reader drabble#dean winchester drabble#justkending#spn fanfic#dean winchester spn#dean winchester x you#spn dean winchester#drabble#spn drabble
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!! Vent !!
I'm so sorry btw. Just needed to bring it all up.
Sometimes I just sit and think about the fact my brother was born about a month after I turned 12
(Jan. 15th and Feb. 23)
At first, it was just helping here and there. Still everyday. But I could get into bed on school nights (which instead of sleeping was me time mostly because yk)
Slowly he became my full responsibility. At like 13-14 I was accused of being on drugs. I wasn't doing 🍃 at the time.
So my mom goes through my entire room, finds nothing.
What was really going on? I was just tired. No mom, my eyes aren't red from 🍃, it's because you just woke me up. I mean, sure, I was laying on laundry in the bathroom.. But come on! Give a girl a break. I was TIRED.
when COVID hit, it was full time. 24/7. So since I was home, I was taking care of my dad's mom and my brother. While trying to keep up with school work and zoom classes. To say I did horribly..
But by the end of that school year my mom pulled me out of that school and put me in homeschooling.
So. That's great. I guess I could say I have experience in childcare. Not that I ever want to work with children.
I'm undiagnosed, I know that. With what? Probably a lot of shit.
My brother is ADHD/autistic we believe (not hard to see it) and I have to be the one watching him every day?
Who thinks it's a good idea for a holding-on-by-a-thread neurodivergent adult to take care of a equally neurodivergent child?
My mom apparently.
And she still gets pissed when I don't finish something or do something.
I'm simply just tired. So tired.
One day I know I'll get to leave, go stay with my girlfriend. Or my aunt. Whichever comes first. I know it will get better. I just have to keep going. I know I'm likely burned out but I don't have much of a choice. I still have a child who relies on me.
And you know what? My mother calls me so many different fucking names. Yells. (Which, I WILL cry whenever someone raises their voice at me.)
I'm a bitch if I get an attitude.
I'm a bully if I'm not nice to my brother.
I'm stupid and ignorant if I don't understand something. Which, I'm now too scared too ask for someone to repeat something or to ask for help. Because I should know how to do the thing already apparently.
I'm a liar when I say I don't like ground meat because of its texture. Because I've ate it before. Or, when I say I'm going to the bathroom but my brother doesn't want me to leave. And I go to the bathroom, but then I go sit in my room.
And *oh* the disappointed and disapproving look my mom has given me as she passes my room after I refused to cuddle with my brother saying "it would have only taken only ten minutes and he would have went to sleep"
context: My brother will ask to cuddle when he's tired. And if you allow him to curl up he'll likely fall asleep within 10-30mins.
More context: SA has made me VERY uncomfortable with just about anyone touching me. Sometimes I can't mentally or physically handle anyone touching me AT ALL. and it got really bad so I was turning down my brother a lot. And yeah, I feel fucking shitty. I love that kid.
But I need space sometimes.
And often these things linger in my head. It gnaws. It's always there. I randomly cry at night because of the amount of fucking shit my family has put me through.
Sometimes I feel like I'm actually a really bad person. That I am these things I'm called.
Then I remember. I video things I do sometimes. While chatting with the people I'm closest to. I talk through my process. I can stay on track. It's a lot more fun.
Also I started this really upset and um lost what I was saying. But um that's actually a lot I wrote, I'm sorry.
Peace out
—🍃🍄💫🌾
Wow.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that. Children shouldn't be raising children at all. I've heard and seen so many parents do that to older kids, make them in charge of their younger siblings, take care of them, see to their needs, everything. It shouldn't happen.
I'm betting your mom is around my age so I'm ready to throw down.
And please know you having boundaries with your family, especially your little brother, is fine. He needs to learn that sometimes you need your own personal time, as does your mom, because you're a human and not an in-home babysitter.
Ugh. 🧡 I'm sorry you've been dealing with this. I'm going it looks up soon for you!
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Discussion Post #4? (I lost count)
more like I talk to myself
The other half of the big update. Let's talk about.
First, some meta, I guess:
You may have noticed that the pics look different. Much more vibrant and all of that. I was brainstorming with @pink-chevalier (once again, thank you 👏) and she pointed me towards some PS actions.
Shout-outs to PhotoMosh Pro for existing. I had some visual ideas and I was able to pull it off this time around.
Shout-outs to Internet Air by AT&T. I went from having rural ass DSL to 5G internet averaging 400mbps. That's a major reason why I was able to pull off my visual ideas via gifs. Wouldn't have worked otherwise and I would've had to do just images.
Shoutout to my ADHD. (derogatory)
The posts with the lab scene(s), I've noticed, uhhhh, isn't viewed as much. I have a feeling that it's gonna be like that for a while. I'm doing cool and unique things over here... idk, it feels bad when there's a clear asterisk to it. let me put it this way, if I try to make it ~pleasing~ and it gets more attention than anything else... 🙃🙃🙃
I don't ask for much but please RB and/or comment, anything!! recommend! my pinned post has a lot of things you can read! Anon's on! It feels bad and desperate when I'm on my hands and knees like this lol... I feel like there's something wrong with me and this story but everyone's being polite...
((btw thank you @99simproblems and @changingplumbob))
Now that's out of the way:
(leans into the mic) JOHN'S DEAD. More on that later.
Are we all in agreement that Daniel ain't shit? He is 0 for 2 on rising up against someone and just be like 'ok guess i'll do it 🥺'. You're been given so many outs my guy, holy shit. Just hit the bricks, man! What are you waiting for?!?
I'll say this -- he one ups himself on that. Maybe twice. No, I won't elaborate but if you've read The Incident you probably have a good idea.
(actually, I think maybe two people have read it and I wish I were joking on that... I did a RB of it around that year's halloween and I lost 10 followers LMAO. It's really criminal. still my fav story but anyway. )
Charles being the manipulative bitch that he is but he had to make it very slight. Notice that he doesn't report his monitoring... no one caught it because of John.
I was gonna try and see if I could find something for the machine screen but it didn't look right... but I am saving the idea for something else.
You will not believe how many swatches I made for the vital monitor on the wall. I know I've said it earlier, but it's from an actual simulator that I had to use two laptops with (one for settings, one for capture.)
I almost forgot about Mark but especially Thomas. We'll see them again. :)
Mark saying that he's gonna resign after this trial. I mean, he can walk out too, but he's too polite for that so he's just gonna wait. :)
Thomas has an inexplicable Brooklyn accent and Bernard is a Southerner. Don't as me why.
I love how the gifs of Charles looking at Daniel and Bernard with the faux camera focus came out. Sinister.
Another note on Thomas -- so he's there (or rather got voluntold) to be "security". Security for who?? The fuck he's gonna do? Anyway.
I really, truly thought about showing John getting stabbed with that big ass needle but I think we got enough of that. Or at least being implicit. Truly though, that was a big fuck-off needle. I ain't scared of 'em but eesh.
now let's pivot to John and The Werewolf:
You may have noticed in the dialogue somewhere but this is not their first time meeting each other that wasn't a fight. Perhaps we'll circle back to that.
One of the first things that The Werewolf tells John is that he has zero intention of harming him. He's true to his word. In fact, I'd argue that his general behavior changes the context of things from The Incident. He's actually pretty calm all things considering! He stands his ground when John's being a dipshit.
Love how John picks the absolute worst time to be arguing with The Werewolf. My dude, you're literally being tortured and dying and yet you don't want the only person to save your life to take over.
You may think, damn John's naive and you're right. Charles did a number on making him think that The Werewolf is that dangerous. Maybe there were points that John didn't believe that... ?
For the visual effect of the toxins, I did the same thing when he made his declaration. This time, it's harder because of his chest hair and complete tats so naturally, I did the S4S shuffle and doubling them up.
I didn't have much action words for John because... well, he's doin nothin' but screaming and there's only so many ways to write that. The expressions speak for themselves. I am very proud of how they came out! He fought for his goddamn life and he made it count.
After much deliberation, I left the post of John's death wordless. I don't know what he and The Werewolf talking about at this point, and if I do, I'm not sure if I want to elaborate! Aside from The Werewolf telling him it'll be okay to let go...
It's a surprisingly soft moment.
The breathing effect I found out messing around in PM. That's all John could do until his heart stopped.
Oh! So, I decided to make something distinguishing about John's eyes in all of this. Blank, aka just a solid color, means he's mostly not there. White = flat out unconscious; his body is on autopilot/reacting. So! Couldn't use the blank for death so I went and found some pupil overlays and such by Pralinesims and used it over the blank.
John dies with his eyes open so ofc his pupils needed to be fixed and dilated so you know he's actually dead.
Even in death, he has a chilling gaze...
...but not as much as The Werewolf's gaze in the last two shots. This was one of the shots I wanted to keep from The Incident -- but I left the one of him baring his teeth... I'll save that I think for later. With his sclera being black, he absolutely looks terrifying. Monstrous, even.
I had the idea of the gif when I first did The Incident but I couldn't quite put it together (among other things). If you really look at it, a lot of ideas are there but I didn't have the skillset that I do now...
I can't wait for the next update to see what I have in mind. There's a reason why I haven't made many WIPs this time around >:)
I might as well drop this now, the back half of this story? Loads of CWs. How many? I'll list them at the top of the post many. At least six.
Idk about yall, I said it already; the context has changed, I think. I like to think that The Incident is John's version of what happened (bits and pieces of it) and he ofc, 'told' it first and you'd think wow The Werewolf is scary. This? He's way more than reasonable given the situation. He thanked John.
but I see this as "thank you for permission for me to wild the fuck out and kill my torturers"... but, he is grateful fr.
...not saying that John's an asshole for what he may or may not have done but...
This may be a very ambitious thing I wanna do in the next update but, I kinda want to see if I can animate an effect. If not, I'll try and get close to it.
#long post#discussion post#spoilers#so uhhh yeah. *nods*#a text post#non sims#now to put to use the shit i've learned from the 4/5 years i last did this
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Round 1 of preliminaries, group 3
The first two places get a place on the bracket
Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket
Propaganda under the cut
Conner Bailey (The Land of Stories)
"He falls asleep in class and never hands in his work and gets bad grades but has lots of friends and a big imagination. Likes to write fantasy and science fiction (and maybe other genres as well), and bases a lot of his stories on his own adventures with his sister."
Lucy Honeychurch (A Room With A View)
"trapped in a relationship they feel obligated to maintain ? meanwhile meeting this weirdo who makes question marks out of his dinner and stuff? yeah this was so me and one point and literally helped me break up with my shitty ex. i love lucy honeychurch so much, she just wants to play dumb games with her brother and not be suffocated and live"
Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)
"Let's be honest, most of us in middle school were a whiny self-centric bitches, and he's a prefect example of this. He will make snarky comments and wonder why a small child cired becuase of them, find his older brother annoying, be disgusted by his younger sib, make mean jokes towards his closest friend and just KNOW that one day he'll be rich and do nothing"
Gideon Nav (The Locked Tomb)
"She's a cocky butch lesbian who can't pull, and I would bet real money she's adhd. Incredibly unreliable narrator, partially because she tunes out of anything uninteresting to her (like the plot), partially because she's not on speaking terms with her own feelings. Deep down she's angry, and lonely, and convinced she's not good enough, and she's terrified to look it all in the eye. She'll keep all her feelings right here and then someday she'll die joking about it."
Akaashi Keiji (Haikyuu!!)
"Outwardly chill 99% of the time but a serial overthinker. Once screamed into his hands when stressed and acted like nothing was wrong right after (see: Image link)."
Burgerpants (Undertale)
"My propaganda is his game dialogue: - "(WHY IS THIS PERSON TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING THIS IS A HAMBURGER RESTAURANT I'M JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE)" - "What? Why do you keep trying to talk to me? I'll get in trouble if I get chummy with the customers. Sorry. ... SO, I wanted to be an ACTOR-." - "You've still got time. Don't live like me. I'm 19 years old and I've already wasted my entire life." - "Listen. I like you, little buddy. So I'm gonna save you a lot of trouble. Never interact with attractive people." - "Future? WHAT future? Nothing down here EVER changes. I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever. - "Ah... my boss. I love that guy. And by that I mean I hate him so, so much." - "Here's a trick, little buddy: Lie to yourself all the time. It makes you feel better." - "Even if it was just working this awful job... I think I did something! I don't know if it's true, but I'll believe it anyway!" - "Huh? Everyone else is DEAD? ... Does that mean I don't have to work today? God. That it were true, little weirdo. That it were true." - "I can't go to hell. I'm all out of vacation days." "
#tumblr polls#tumblr tournament#character bracket#character tournament#preliminaries#conner bailey#the land of stories#lucy honeychurch#a room with a view#greg heffley#diary of a wimpy kid#gideon nav#the locked tomb#akaashi keiji#haikyuu#burgerpants#undertale
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Characters i think i would i be able to pull as a plus size(small fat) fem presenting enby that manages to be somewhat conventionally attractive 👍🏻
I use all pronouns btw
Warnings: none?? Maybe some suggestive comments here and there but that's it.
Riddle: yes because of his mommy issues but i wouldn't because of his momma, but i would gladly call her a bitch to defend him.
Trey: maybe? I feel like he might have a preference for chubbier bodies so probably?? Even tho i wouldn't be able to tell he's flirting cuz i suck at social cues LMAO
Cater: no but would still flirt with me as a joke, with consent ofc! He'd drop the most down bad statements in my magicam comment section just for shits and giggles just to be answered with an equally down bad comment. Me n Cater 🤞🏻
Ace: yes- you saw how he kept mentioning wanting to share a bad with the MC? Bros down astronomical. But i wouldn't bother cuz eh- i need an adhd bestie to share my braincells with yk. he'd prolly get touchy but my dumb ass would think nothing of it.
Deuce: yes. Bro gets nervous around the maidens so yep.
Leona: yes and no?? Like, i feel like i could pull him but for nothing serious? Even if i manage to make him my bf it wouldn't be anything long term, cause you know, he's a prince, it would still be a nice relationship tho. He'd also use me as a pillow which depending on where u are can be a blessing or a pain cuz lemme tell you i'm a walking heater.
Ruggie: YES. Bro looks at fat women and goes AWOOGA. You can't tell me he doesn't find plus size attractive knowing wtf he's been through. He LOVES a well fed mc!! And loves being the little spoon!!
Jack: no because he'd friendzone me😤 not that he doesn't find plus size ppl hot but i don't think we'd get along like that.
Azul: yes and no, he most likely has internalized fatphobia due to his trauma, and he gets pissed seeing how the MC manages to draw ppl towards them if the fat. He'd project a lot pre ch.3 but after that he gets over it and learns to over come it.
Jade:yes but more like the other way around.
Floyd: yes. Bro wouldn't keep his hands to himself.
Kalim: yes, he doesn't care about looks.
Jamil: NOPE.
Vil: LMAFAO NO
Rook: anyone can pull him
Epel: yea
Idia: yup, dummy thicc with big tiddums go brrr
Malleus: all yuus can pull him, but again it wouldn't be something long term cuz he's a prince and i don't want to get married😍 so better to remain homies 👍🏻
Lilia: bro adopts me the second he hears me saying one of his sons is hot and acts as a wingman for me. Mans wants grandbabies.
Silver: YES, IT WOULD TAKE ME MONTHS TO DO SO BUT IT WOULD BE SO WORTH IT. HUSBAND MATERIAL RIGHT THERE💞💞
Sebek: yea?? But i wouldnt try for the safety of my eardrumms.
I FORGOT RSA AND ROLLO
Honorable mentions:
(mildly suggestive)
Rollo (pastofrollo) : YES, CONSERVATIVE BITCH TURNED INTO MEGA SLUT🤤🤤🤤 I WANT HIM SO BAD YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I WANT TO RUIN HIM GHHNRHNSHSM..A.S.S.,.,.,.,.MBMHJNM...
Chenya: maybe?? More like a fwb situation though.
Neige: as much as i'd like to say yes his fans would bodyshame me into oblivion😭😭
#ciel talks#twisted wonderland#twst#twst mc#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#twst hcs#twst headcanons#twst dorm leaders
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In an attempt to organize all of my thoughts and finally get this shit out of my system, I wrote up a complete, comprehensive listing of all of the things I loved about Final Fantasy XVI, all the things I hated about it, and all of the things that were equal parts good and bad.
Massive spoilers abound here. Hopefully, by the end of it, it’s easier to understand why I’m so stuck on this game and why I can’t really settle on a firm opinion of it being good or bad.
FFXVI is an excellent game, except for all of the ways that it sucks.
BAD
- Some quality of life issues. The inability to pull up the world map from town or the middle of a zone was huge for me. Having to fast-travel to an obelisk to go to the actual exit of a zone just to go somewhere else was an extra unnecessary step that didn't need to happen. The inability to switch your button inputs was obnoxious, too, and hitting R1 to dodge never came to feel natural. I also hated that I couldn't turn off certain elements of the HUD. Just little things like that, here and there.
- The treatment of female characters leaves a lot to be desired in this game. There are only four major, named female characters in this game: Jill, Anabella, Benedikta, and Mid. The only one who didn't get cheated/fucked over by a lack of care from the writers was Mid -- and, wouldn't you know it, she has the smallest role of the four of them.
I'll go into the whole thing with Jill when we talk about her character specifically, but Anabella is basically like "what if Cersei Lannister was explicitly a Nazi and then, instead of having a dynamic character arc, she just killed herself?" Anabella's entire character motivation is literally just "because eugenics" -- and, as a result, basically all of her character dialogue is centered around that point. The game never goes into who she is as a person outside of being a Nazi bitch. She has one interesting conversation with Clive towards the end of her role where she surprises the audience (and Clive himself) by saying "It should've been you [, not Joshua, to be Phoenix's Dominant]! Why couldn't it have been you?" but then the conversation gets cut off because the Bahamut fight has to happen now.
And the one window of opportunity where it looked like her character was going to get deeper -- when she looks at Joshua and yells "I will not let you take me, shadow!" and makes us think that maybe she's not actually a Nazi and has been Ultima's thrall since maybe before Clive was even born? Instead of going into it, she just kills herself and then is never mentioned again outside of "hey remember that time when mom" stories.
Benedikta didn't fare much better. She was actually a really great character with a fantastic role back when the theme of the game was still "the consequence of unchecked power and anger in the blind pursuit of vengeance" -- but as soon as the game decides it's suddenly not going to be about that anymore because fuck you, you kind of just have to look back on Benedikta and ask "What was the point of her, actually?"
And Mid, again, is fine -- but she also doesn't do a whole lot. She's your token engineer/genki girl character rolled up into one. Think X's Rikku but with more actual charisma/likeability and no battle prowess so she never actually joins your party. And she doesn't even come in until halfway through the game.
And that's it, that's your female cast. There are other side characters like Charon and Vivian -- and Charon is great for a myriad of reasons -- but they're still just minor side characters.
- Eikon battles. I know that this is going to be the most contentious thing I say in this write-up, so let me just say that I am already aware that this is actually mostly a me problem. For whatever reason, my particular blend of astigmatism and ADHD made it almost impossible for me to follow anything that was happening on screen during an Eikon fight, with the exception of Garuda and Titan. Everything else was just too much happening all at once. And the very final Eikon fight you do? I could not make heads or tails of ANYTHING I was looking at because of the color palette, and I just kind of had to mash buttons and hope for the best.
But that's the only part of it that's a me problem. the rest of it is legitimate criticism. We need to talk about all the stupid bullshit that actually happens in those fights.
We need to talk about the fact that Phoenix and Ifrit did the fusion dance in outer space while fighting Bahamut. Because that shit almost made me turn the game off and never turn it back on again.
I don't care that it happened, necessarily. I care how it happened. That whole time, I just kept repeating in my head "thirteen years. Clive thought Joshua was dead for thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS. THIR.TEEN.YEARS. HE HAD REGULAR TRAUMA FLASHBACKS ABOUT IT. HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF OVER IT. AND THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING ON MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY'VE EVEN SAID HELLO"
The entire game is so serious and grounded and somber and gritty, but the second an Eikon fight starts, it's suddenly Dragon Ball Z, and we're expected to just go with it. And I mean, I love Dragon Ball Z. I've been in that fandom for over 25 fuckin years. But the Eikon battles were so tonally dissonant from the rest of the game that it was immersion-breaking and jarring every single time. Clive and Joshua actually have the dialogue exchange of "What can we do against that kind of power?" "We'll just have to believe in our own." before even having the "holy shit you're alive" conversation.
THIRTEEN YEARS.
THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS.
I can't. It was awful. But this also ties into...
- The story/story structure in general. I've talked about this before. Used the analogy "if you took the cast of Uncharted and put them into Indigo Prophecy" but I've actually thought of one better. FFXVI is like a version of Silent Hill 2 where, halfway through the game, James reunited with Mary because she wasn't actually dead at all, and then the two of them teamed up to fight god. But then she died for real right before the ending. But then she came back again after, so it's still fine, actually.
That's Final Fantasy XVI.
The entire first half of the game is a red herring. It's bullshit. It's garbage. Throw it in the trash and forget about it, because the game sure as fuck did. FFXVI sets itself up to be a game about the person that Clive has chosen to become in the wake of his horrible trauma in a world that has taken so much from him. Then, at about the halfway point, the game goes "jk that horrible thing that Clive's entire personality has been shaped around never actually happened" and all of Clive's trauma symptoms literally disappear and are never brought up or alluded to ever again. Now, suddenly, the game is not about his personal quest of self-discovery -- but rather is now just Diet Supernatural: a story about the bond between two brothers who have to face off against god and defy their own fate.
cool.
And Clive and Joshua never talk about it. There's never a "hey what have you been up to for the past eighteen years?" conversation. No. After their super short-lived tearful reunion, they just immediately start interacting as though the two of them have always been together and they both know each other super well inside and out, despite the fact that the last time Clive saw Joshua, Joshua was eight fucking years old. And now he's a 26-year-old twink who's carrying an eldritch horror around in his chest and who lowkey wants to fuck Cid's daughter and is possibly bisexual and also wants to fuck Dion. And the last time Joshua saw Clive, Clive was a fifteen-year-old Good Boy who was a proper role model and just wanted to be loved and noticed. And now he's a 33-year-old former serial killer (and the "former" part is even questionable) who killed literally hundreds of men and then tried to kill himself in an attempt to avenge the murder of Joshua, which never actually fucking happened.
coolcoolcool.
I hate this fucking game.
But I also love it.
GOOD
+ The game gave me on-screen naked Clive not one, not two, but three different times. And of those three times, two of them ended up being sexual in nature. And the other one is uh... him naked and in chains, screaming and cursing and crying. thank u Yoshi-P. thank u.
+ Every character that's not listed on the "both good & bad" list, but I need to give a special shout-out to:
+ Ultima as a villain. His general vibe gave me the heebies in a way vidya villains haven't in a long time. His character design is phenomenal, his voice actor knocked it out of the park, and he has just enough of a background that you get where he's coming from, but it's not so over-explained that you wind up wanting to take his side instead (which has been a pitfall of Final Fantasy games in the past)
+ Music/sound design is excellent
+ This game is a graphical marvel. There's no disputing it.
+ Maps are a perfect size and make the world feel real
+ Worldbuilding is probably the best I've seen in a Final Fantasy title, if not in video games in general. Every nation in Valisthea felt distinct. Every location was fully thought-out, had its own history, and made sense. This is the only game that I have ever, in my 33 years of life, actually walked around every single town instead of running. I was that immersed in the world.
+ The combat system -- though I would technically list this as "good but with room for improvement." I disagree with Ryota Suzuki's opinion that this is the best combat system he's ever made. It's not. DMC5 is better by leaps and bounds. If FFXVI had an expanded abilities section that allowed you to put points into getting new moves and different regular melee combos (in addition to all of the Eikon abilities that are already there), then the combat would be Suzuki's best made. It's still great, don't get me wrong. But as someone who came into this game with a Devil May Cry background, my only options for regular attacks being Square, Triangle, Square+Triangle, Square+X and then nothing else was... lacking. Give me more of Nero's moveset, and that's the winning formula right there.
BOTH GOOD & BAD
Jill Warrick + fantastic concept, design, acting, and dialogue - underbaked and shoehorned backstory - shoved out of the story at basically the zero hour to make room for a male character
Personality-wise, Jill is one of the strongest-written women in Final Fantasy. Full stop. She stands shoulder-to-shoulder with greats like Aeris and Yuna in the sense that she feels like a real person with her own strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, vulnerabilities, courage, causes that she fights for, moral lines she won't cross, etc. etc. Very rarely does she just feel like an extension of Clive, or like she's only there to service his character arc/characterization (except towards the end, but we'll get to that later). She's likeable and consistent, and the game does a good job of making you want to be with her. I love her, and I want to be her when I grow up, but until then, I'll settle for just being her friend and braiding her hair at sleepovers.
Unfortunately, Jill's greatness pretty much only extends to her personality. They tried to give her a war criminal background, but the writers didn't really seem to care about it too much. She has an entire gameplay sequence/arc dedicated to her trying to confront/settle her war criminal past, but the game never really goes into what, actually and specifically, she did? Sure, she was put out onto the battlefield and killed a lot of soldiers, but she keeps referring to "horrible things" that she's had to do, and the game never decides to tell us what those horrible things actually were.
We're told that the guy who was keeping her captive also did horrible things -- worse things than Jill, herself, even had to do -- but we don't get to learn what these things are, either. We see him about to human sacrifice two kids, but is that really all it was? Child murder? Honey, it's war. Child murder happens. From the way Jill talks about it, it sounds more like horribly violent sexual assault and gruesome, drawn-out torture, but... shrug, I guess. We'll never know. We're not allowed to know. All we're allowed to know is that Jill just has to kill him, and then her past will be settled. So she kills him. And then her past is settled.
And she has to settle her past so that she can feel justified in standing at Clive's side until the end of his fight... but then she's not allowed to do that. Because the story is so shitty.
At the halfway mark, when the game stops being about Clive's journey of self-discovery and starts being strictly about ~brothers~, Jill gets shoved out of the story in order to make room for Joshua to step in. The game uses the contrivance of Clive taking Shiva from her in order to justify Jill's disappearance from the narrative, but there's two big fucking problems with that:
1. Dion had Bahamut taken from him by Clive, too, and yet he still retained his Eikon powers because he just believed in himself really hard -- and we have no reason to believe that Dion's will is any stronger than Jill's. Jill went through an entire arc of making sure she was able to stand as Clive's equal, and then... nope. 2. You can re-recruit Jill into your party in order to do sidequests and explore the world with her before leaving for the final Ultima battle, and she still uses all of her fucking ice powers.
So, there's no actual reason for her to be excluded from shit other than "shut up it's about brothers now." The game even has the audacity to have Joshua say to Clive "we need to remind Jill that she's still one of us." How about this, Joshua? How about Clive and Jill should be the ones reminding you that you're one of them, since you only came into this story halfway through it and didn't actually build up a bond with either of them in adulthood like they did with each other???
Truly, horrendously awful. Jill should've been at that Ultima fight, and I will die on this hill.
Dion Lesage + INCREDIBLY compelling story overall + excellent emotional pull, strong personality + best gay rep I've ever seen in a game, I think. the fact that he's gay is actually the least interesting thing about him. - does not get enough screentime for how important his character is
I'mma just say it. Final Fantasy XVI should have been a deuteragonst setup akin to Yakuza 0 where you swap back and forth between Clive and Dion, because Dion is way too important to the story to get as little attention and screentime as he does. His struggle with being the only person with any power still in the Empire who has a sense of integrity is super interesting, as is his inner conflict of trying to reconcile who his father used to be vs who he's become. Dion Lesage answers the question nobody asked of "What if Faramir of Gondor was a gay dragon who actually staged a coup?" And it's just excellent. His frustration and his anger paired with his sense of justice and empathy makes him so incredibly compelling.
And even after the political side of the story winds down in the wake of the chaos and bullshit that's being wreaked on the Ultima side of things, Dion is still crucial to the plot. Clive could not have won against Ultima without Dion. And to not go into that more -- to not go further into Dion's drive to continue moving forward, or his vision for the Empire and the world and what he personally feels like he owes to humanity and how all of these pieces fit together -- is so disappointing. There's an obvious emotional void where more of Dion's character story should be.
If we do ever get DLC for this game, the very first thing we should get is a Dion DLC.
Joshua Rosfield + just an absolute delight of a character personality, probably one of my favorites in the whole game + interesting concept - has absolutely no business being in the story at all past the tutorial
I don't normally like Joshua's character archetype. "Somber, mystical twink" has never been a type to do it for me.
But Joshua is incredible -- because they actually allow him to be more than just his archetype. Most times, the somber, mystical twink is only every allowed to be somber and mystical. That character's role is to be the arbitrary keeper of magic bullshit. You're meant to want to protect them, but they don't have a whole lot going on beyond that particular purpose. But Joshua is allowed to joke and laugh and be angry and romantic -- just be an actual person.
One of the best scenes in the game is when he hauls off and just decks Clive right in the face. It's so shocking in the best way possible. He's not angry because of plot reasons getting in the way of his somber, mystical bullshit. He's angry because his brother pissed him off -- because, sometimes, people do shit that just pisses you off. And for tiny little twink Joshua to not use magic, but to just rear back and swing at the 250+lb slab of beef that is Clive and shout at him for being an asshole just felt so real and so human, and I felt so connected to him in that moment.
And the scene where he and Mid meet for the first time -- fantastic. Incredible. Amazing. Wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. Especially when Mid goes around giving everyone hugs later on and she kind of hesitates before actually committing to hugging Joshua. Love it.
Joshua is a character that is full of very pleasant surprises that make him feel multifacted and real. And so, when he does do his somber, mystical bullshit -- I actually cared and found it interesting. I found myself rooting for him and invested in the things he was learning and how he was piecing it all together. I was super into his secret hunt for Ultima and the fact that he was housing an eldritch horror in his chest.
There's only one big problem with Joshua: his continued existence in the story makes the entire narrative shit. And that's not his fault. But it is the reality.
I love Joshua Rosfield. I would fucking go out with him if he asked. I would give him his own game if I could.
But he should've never been written or allowed to exist, for all of the reasons I listed in the story section of the "bad" column.
And that just fucking sucks.
Clive Rosfield + I love him, your honor + I absolutely love him + I want him to make tender love to me in the black of night under a full moon as the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand fills in the empty space around us, just as he did with Jill - his entire character concept gets fucking deleted at the halfway mark of the story and is never seen or referenced again
Clive is special. He's the best example of positive masculinity this side of Kazuma Kiryu. He's not just a power fantasy; he's a caretaker and a brother and a son and a friend and a boyfriend. He cries visible tears on-screen at least half a dozen times in this game. He's allowed to be vulnerable in a lot of different ways. He's willing to say the words "I love you" in front of other people. His cries for help are genuine and real -- when Clive talks about suicide, he means it.
But he's also a killer. And he's myopic. And stubborn. And ruthless. Clive is a self-centered man who doesn't actually care about himself at all, and he tends to warp the world around him in his destructive selfishness. And I say all of this as praise for his character, by the way.
Both versions of him are great -- tortured Clive and brother Clive.
The issue is that there's two versions of him, and there really shouldn't be.
I won't keep beating the dead horse that is FFXVI forgetting what its own story is about and completely changing course halfway through, but the character that suffers most because of that decision is Clive. If you connected with him as a fellow trauma survivor, you're going to feel very alienated by him in the latter half of the game when he's suddenly not anymore.
I'm not saying that Clive should've been in a constant state of trauma throughout the entire game -- I'm saying that all of his trauma symptoms shouldn't have just disappeared and been forgotten about. Even with Joshua returned to him, that doesn't undo the damage that he sustained over the course of thirteen years of his life. Or, at least, it shouldn't. That's exactly what happens in the story, but it shouldn't be that way. The fact that he never even had a line akin to "I can't lose you again" when he's holding Joshua's lifeless body at the end was mindblowing. Clive didn't blame himself or hearken back to any of that old hurt at all, and I don't know how no one on the entire dev team didn't point this out. Because, as a result of that, his reaction to Joshua's death doesn't feel sincere.
It almost feels like the devs had two different versions of the game written up -- one where Joshua stayed dead the whole time, and one where he was never meant to have been dead at all -- and then they mashed the two of them together for the final product. As a result, Clive actually feels like two distinctly different characters sometimes. There's not an obvious throughline for him that there is with someone like, say, Cloud, who also had to go through a similar journey of trauma processing.
Again: both versions of Clive are great. But he should only have been one character with one continuous arc; not two different character concepts rolled into one.
Clive & Jill's romance + built up slowly and carefully over time; the bond feels real + very real in the sense that they're both in their 30s and are still just kind of aimlessly trying at a relationship, but not really sure where to go or how to get there + Jill's love for Clive literally saves his life during the ending - their romance is the excuse the writers used to delete Jill's importance in the story towards the end
Because of the way that the story plays out, it almost comes off like Jill's entire purpose was to build up a romance with Clive and nothing else. Like, they have a whole game's worth of bonding and development and all that other fun shit -- but the second she finally sleeps with him, she's out of the story. She's done.
I trust I don't have to explain why that's a problem.
So, they have this weird thing going on where they are simultaneously the best and the worst romance in Final Fantasy. The building of their relationship is incredible; the way that they bond and interact is organic and genuine. And they even actually get to be an actual couple in this game, which, to my knowledge, didn't really happen in any other Final Fantasy. They don't just have the one Big Romantic Kiss; they have several over the course of a pretty wide swath of time. Clive takes Jill out on a date and asks her where she wants the relationship to go. Like, actual real boyfriend shit happens.
It just happens at the expense of Jill's relevance in the narrative -- which just straight-up isn't fair.
Oh, and if you're not sure what I mean about Jill's love for him saving his life, go here.
Ben Starr (Clive)'s voice acting + absolutely stand-out fantastic in full cutscenes - so horrible in sidequests it felt like he was given no voice direction at all. every single line of dialogue is delivered exactly the same. every time. and it's a fucking shame, because Clive is actually hilarious, but the botched delivery of the lines does not convey it.
A "more mature" Final Fantasy + the blood and sex and brutality was great and helped the characters feel more like actual real people. letting the characters curse was also great, but - bro tone down the swearing. it's cartoonish, after a while. almost started to feel like the writers were having a competition to see who could use the word "fuck" the most amount of times in a dialogue exchange. they used "fuck" for literally everything, when probably a "shit" or a "damn it" would have been better. and this is coming from someone who says the word "fuck" all the fucking time.
Sidequests + when the stories in the sidequests are good, they're GOOD. like, REALLY REALLY GOOD. - when they're not good, they're awful time-wasters and - there's no way of knowing whether a quest is going to be important/compelling or a waste of time when you start it, so every initiation of a quest is a roll of the dice - the actual activities you do during the quests are MMO-tier fetch quests or quick combat quests, which, to be fair, is also the same as the substories in Yakuza -- but the thing about Yakuza substories is that they're so over-the-top ridiculous that you don't notice that you're just performing very basic actions. the bad/boring sidequests in XVI really make you notice that that's all they are.
And that, my friends, is the summation of the strange paradox that is Final Fantasy XVI. Simultaneously one of the best and one of the worst games I’ve ever played.
#final fantasy xvi#ffxvi spoilers#i don't expect anyone to actually read this whole thing#i just needed to get it out#for my own sanity
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Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 2: Motorbikes and Movie Nights
pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago
word count: 1908
warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff
read on ao3
Average Weekly Screentime masterlist
Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.
Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10
authors note: i was gonna wait until i had more written to post another chapter but i felt bad making you wait so here is another chapter! i wanted to title this chapter differently but the one i first came up with rhymes so we've GOTTA stick with that.
Thank you for reading and hope you enjoy!! <3
Jimmy Jabbers
[11:23am, Thursday]
Queen G: okay we NEED to go to a party this weekend or im gonna start pulling my hair out Queen G: im being semi-serious btw
RoRo: name a time and place RoRo: I just show up if I feel like it
Pineapples: gina ur a genius Pineapples: party this weekend is a m u s t
Mr Grapes: I’m in but does anyone even know someone having a party
Four Eyes: I’m with Rosa, name the time and place and I’ll see if I can make it
Queen G: firstly – ur not getting out of this one amy, nice try tho Queen G: secondly – charles I know MANY people and at least one of them will be having a party Queen G: give me 10 and I’ll sort everyones weekend plans
Pineapples: love u gina
Queen G: thank u
-
Sexy Bitches
[11:28am, Thursday]
Sexy: what are ur weekend plans ter?
Ter Bear: James is throwing a party at ours on Saturday. Claims its his birthday but his birthday is in summer
Sexy: and im assuming ur gonna invite ur bestie gina?
Ter Bear: Sure, but you can’t DJ
Sexy: seriously??? Sexy: what if i sent u my playlist Sexy: u can make an informed decision
Ter Bear: Fine, but I’m not making any promises
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[11:33am, Thursday]
Queen G: great news! Queen G: ter bear having a party at his
Pineapples: count me in!
Mr Grapes: me too!
RoRo: yeah sure
Four Eyes: I don’t know..
Pineapples: still recovering from the last party??
Four Eyes: Very much so Four Eyes: I’ll come but no drinking
Queen G: boooooooo
Four Eyes: I’ll be designated driver?
Queen G: amy ur the beessttt
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[11:38am, Thursday]
Ferris: u dont have to come
Cameron: I know, I’ll probably regret if I don’t though. My mother keeps bothering me to make sure I’m making the most out college
Ferris: what if making the most out of it is being a regular in the library and handing assignments in a week early Ferris: has ur mom ever considered that
Cameron: Haha I don’t think she has but I’ll bring it up next time she calls me
Ferris: tell her i said that Ferris: i want credit
Cameron: Will do
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[9:06pm, Saturday]
Four Eyes: Leaving my dorm now, you all better be ready. Meet you in the parking lot.
Queen G: rosa and i on our way
Pineapples: charles and i also on our way
Four Eyes: Can’t believe I wasn’t invited to any of the getting ready sessions?!
Queen G: we were pregaming Queen G: next time u will be invited
Four Eyes: Fine. Now get your asses down here.
-
[10:04pm, Saturday]
Four Eyes: Can’t believe I’ve already lost Rosa, does anyone know where she is?
Queen G: with me Queen G: we’re dancing and drinking
Four Eyes: Fantastic
-
[11:24pm, Saturday]
Pineapples: anyone seen amy?? Pineapples: cant find her
RoRo: shut up or come to the kitchen and drink peralta
Queen G: charles hitting on a girl Queen G: trainwreck
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[11:26pm, Saturday]
Ferris: where r u?
Cameron: Outside, it was too loud inside
Ferris: u okay?
Cameron: I’m fine, will be in soon
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[12:28pm, Sunday]
Pineapples: my whole body has dry mouth
Four Eyes: I’m not surprised considering you almost threw up in my car
Pineapples: worth it
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[12:43pm, Sunday]
Ferris: u alright?
Cameron: I’m fine, I just really don’t think I was in the mood for that party last night
Ferris: fair enough Ferris: when i feel like that i pretend to be a different person
Cameron: I’m not surprised you do that, maybe next time I’ll try it. For now I’m gonna focus on studying
Ferris: as if u need to do more
Cameron: There’s always new material to be worked on, you know
Ferris: news to me lol
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[06:54pm, Tuesday]
Pineapples: calling it now Pineapples: anakin is darth vader
Four Eyes: Wait what???
Mr Grapes: jake, have you ever seen star wars??
Pineapples: this is my first time! Pineapples: i get why people like these
Four Eyes: Oh my God..
Pineapples: i gotta ask tho Pineapples: why the purple lightsaber
Mr Grapes: don’t worry about it, it really doesn’t matter
Pineapples: sure thing!
-
[07:45pm, Tuesday]
Pineapples: im literally so smart guys
Four Eyes: Jake in the nicest way possible, everyone knew about Anakin
Pineapples: seriously??
Queen G: even i knew that and i dont watch movies like that
Pineapples: aw man…
RoRo: Jake ‘I worked out that Anakin was Darth Vader all on my own’ Peralta
Pineapples: idc i still liked the movie
-
Bi Besties
[04:02pm, Wednesday]
Dagger: if you message me one more time about this I’ll burn your die hard poster
El Baboso: i know about motorbikes I swear!
Dagger: gina knows more about motorbikes than you do
El Baboso: wanna take that bet?
Dagger: NO JAKE
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[04:04pm, Wednesday]
Pineapples: @Queen G can u name some motorbikes?
Queen G: sure thing babe Queen G: bike 1, bike 2, bike 3, bike 4, bike 5, bike 6, harry Harley, harriet Harley, henry Harley, hobie Harley, hotel Harley, and bike 7
RoRo: I have nothing to say
Pineapples: check. mate.
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[08:03pm, Friday]
Ferris: amy can i be super honest with u rn?
Cameron: Of course, is everything okay?
Ferris: this is hard for me to admit tbh Ferris: but ive gotta do whats best
Cameron: Jake, you’re making me worried
Ferris: i need help
Cameron: Are you alright? What’s going on?
Ferris: im behind on assignments and idk what im doing Ferris: can u help me???
Cameron: That’s it?! You scared the hell out of me! Cameron: Yes, I can help you with the assignments as long as you don’t do that again
Ferris: pinky promise! Ferris: library tomorrow??
Cameron: Sounds good
-
Dance Squad
[01:32pm, Saturday]
G-Hive: ive just gotten some incredibly interesting news
Charlese: dish sis!
G-Hive: ignoring that G-Hive: jake and amy are studying together at the library
Scary: and?
G-Hive: and?! G-Hive: they’re getting cozy
Charlese: they didn’t invite anyone else? that’s weird
G-Hive: i never thought id say this but thank you charles! G-Hive: you get it!!
Scary: so what, you think there’s something happening?
G-Hive: nothing serious because its just studying but voluntarily spending time alone together G-Hive: bit suspish if u ask me
Charlese: its all coming together and im on track to win this bet Charlese: get ready to pay up guys
Scary: absolutely not happening, just because they’re studying alone together doesn’t mean they’re gonna get together in the next three weeks
G-Hive: but its a step in the right direction
Charlese: i still have confidence
Scary: and its still misplaced
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[10:06am, Wednesday]
Cameron: Holt has just sent out an email cancelling this afternoon’s class, do you want to go to the library and work on your assignments for a bit?
Ferris: thats great news i should really check my email more Ferris: library sounds good as long as we get food Ferris: im hungry
Cameron: Did you not have breakfast this morning?
Ferris: ran out of fruit loops Ferris: heartbreaking tbh
Cameron: Your nutrition (or lack thereof) scares me
Ferris: thank u!
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[09:35pm, Thursday]
Queen G: manifesting that one day ill have a famous bf
RoRo: are you doing anything to actually achieve that goal?
Queen G: chris evans is bad in bed and if he wants me to stop saying it he’ll have to come prove me wrong
Pineapples: i second that!!
-
[11:32am, Saturday]
Four Eyes: Does anyone want to come get lunch at Sal’s?
Queen G: cant, getting my nails done
RoRo: also can’t, gina dragged me to her nail appointment
Pineapples: yeah im down for lunch
Mr Grapes: I’m ordering in Ethiopian so I’ll pass Mr Grapes: next time though!
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[11:34am, Saturday]
Cameron: Meet outside the building?
Ferris: see u in a few!
-
Dance Squad
[11:34am, Saturday]
G-Hive: its all happening babes
Scary: sure it is
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[01:08am, Friday]
Pineapples: i wanna start by saying that i will NOT be held accountable for my own actions Pineapples: now, free of judgement Pineapples: how do i get red wine out of carpet
-
[01:13am, Friday]
Pineapples: you guys suck
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[01:16am, Friday]
*Ferris made an audio call to Cameron*
“Jake, what’s wrong?”
“I spilled a drink on the carpet of my dorm and I don’t know what to do, they’ll charge me to replace the carpet or something and I can’t afford that-“
“Okay okay, calm down it’s gonna be fine. What did you spill, and be honest with me”
“Red wine..”
“What?”
“I wanted to try it because I’ve never had it before and I went to put the glass down on the table and miscalculated and knocked my hand and it spilled”
“Is your hand okay?”
“Yeah its fine”
“Okay great, the next time you drink red wine in your dorm I’m going to kill you. Now, you’re gonna need two cups of warm water, tablespoon of dish soap, tablespoon of vinegar and mix together. Pour on the stain in little bits and blot until its disappeared”
“You’re a lifesaver Ames, I owe you big time”
“Yes you do. Now I’m going back to sleep, goodnight”
“Goodnight”
-
[01:29am, Friday]
Cameron: 1 image attached Cameron: good as new!
-
[08:02am, Friday]
Ferris: I’m glad. Never drink red wine in your dorm ever again.
-
[10:12am, Friday]
Cameron: i promise!
-
The Night Boys
[10:15am, Friday]
Sidewinder: sorry I didn’t see your message in the chat Sidewinder: how did u go with the stain?
Deathblade: i called amy and she told me how to clean it up Deathblade: looks good as new now! Deathblade: 1 image attached
Sidewinder: THAT’S SO GREAT
Deathblade: thanks
-
Dance Squad
[10:17am, Friday]
Charlese: 1 image attached Charlese: well well well
G-Hive: boyle if u win this bet im going to delete my insta
Charlese: tempting offer but I’ll do you the kindness of just taking your $50
G-Hive: god i hate u
-
Jimmy Jabbers
[11:49am, Saturday]
Pineapples: anyone up for a movie night tonight?
Queen G: only if its a fun movie
RoRo: why not
Mr Grapes: absolutely!! looking through my DVDs as we speak
Four Eyes: Yeah sure, I could use a break
Pineapples: wonderful!! Pineapples: pls gather at mine at like 8 and bring ur best movie suggestion Pineapples: everyone give me money for Chinese food
Queen G: god ur cheap
Pineapples: im not made of money gina
Four Eyes: How much do you want?
Pineapples: lets call it an even $12 each
Mr Grapes: worth it for a movie night with my buds
RoRo: boyle ruined it
-
Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool
[08:23pm, Saturday]
Ferris: btw i liked ur movie suggestion Ferris: even if gina didnt
Cameron: Thanks :)
-
Dance Squad
[09:03pm, Saturday]
Charlese: they’re sitting next to each other
G-Hive: and im sitting next to rosa G-Hive: doesnt mean we’re in love with each other
Charlese: its gotta mean SOMETHING
Scary: it doesn’t mean shit except that there’s hardly any seating in this dorm
Charlese: you guys have no sense of romance
Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10
authors note: Fun fact: that star wars thing is literally me, i didn't know anakin was darth vader and then guessed it when i watched the movies for the first time and everyone was like "you didn't know???!!!". The motorbike one is also a direct quote from my bestie <3
I tried to be less party heavy this chapter, they do have a life outside of going to house parties but i will warn the next chapter involves a party (i am gonna tease that there's non-texting writing in it tho). Also this chapter now with added terry for one of the lovely commenters on the first chap, it isnt much but i hope u liked it!
Thanks again, i love you!! <3 next chap will be out as soon as its done!
#alice writes#jake peralta x amy santiago#jake peralta#amy santiago#gina linetti#rosa diaz#charles boyle#fluff#college!au#bisexual!jake peralta#brooklyn nine nine#b99#multi chap#average weekly screentime
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RECS
hello and welcome to my masterlist of lgbt media i’ve watched and recommend, sorted by country of origin and including any relevant trigger/content warnings. pls enjoy the ride i have adhd and i love making lists
i’m a tv show bitch so most of these are series, movies will have a publication year next to them in parentheses. ones with an asterisk* next to them are ones my best friend @sunshinerotting has also seen and recommends <3 if you want to get the Vibes of these individual shows/movies you can check out my #recs tag
as a general rule i try not to recommend things with sad endings, but some of my favorites do end sad so for those i’ll put a note on where to stop if you prefer to end when it’s still happy
honorable mentions include merlin (fantasy, monster-of-the-week, comedy, drama, Strong Male Friendship), the get down (historical drama, social commentary, musical, side mlm couple), itaewon class (revenge drama, realistic fiction, side trans character), romantic killer (anime, comedy, found family, supernatural element, side nonbinary character), and wynonna earp (fantasy western, supernatural element, side wlw couple). pls send me an ask or a message if you want tws for any of these ones. now on with the masterlist:
CHINESE (MAINLAND)
THE UNTAMED* mlm (censored), historical fantasy/wuxia, drama, comedy
brought back sixteen years after his death to seek revenge on the abusive family of a young man, wei wuxian is given another chance at life, but most of the cultivation world is still cursing his name. his story is unfolded in its entirety, from his childhood to his fame and infamy and ultimately his death, and in his second life he is reunited with lan wangji, the man who was by his side for it all
warnings: war, torture, SA, incest, suicide
THAI
MANNER OF DEATH mlm, crime thriller, mystery, realistic fiction, drama
when his friend jane dies under mysterious circumstances, medical examiner bun must find out the truth of what happened to her as the police try to rule her death a suicide. he (begrudgingly) gets help from jane’s assumed boyfriend tan, bun’s top suspect who has secrets of his own
warnings: discussion of depression + suicide, violence, guns, SA, child endangerment
DON’T SAY NO mlm, comedy, drama, school setting, sports team
longtime friends leo and fiat have to learn to renavigate their relationship after they begin dating, while also dealing with people trying to pull them apart. meanwhile, leo’s brother leon tries to catch the attention of an older student who would rather talk to his cat than to leon
warnings: family issues, SA, homophobia, blackmail/revenge porn, slutshaming, negative portrayal of mental illness
BAD BUDDY mlm, side wlw couple, comedy, drama, school setting, enemies to lovers
pat and pran, childhood enemies, are reunited in college where their respective departments also have a deep rivalry. under orders from the school to stop the fights between their departments, pat and pran have to work together to keep their groups apart on campus, leading to them begrudgingly (at first) spending more time together
warnings: guns (ep 9)
NOT ME* mlm, side trans character, political/crime thriller, drama, supernatural element
when his twin brother black is beat up and put in the ICU, white goes undercover as him in his gang to find out who might have hurt him. white has to keep up his cover while also dealing with his developing feelings for sean, who is suspicious of “black’s” sudden change in personality. as time goes on, white realizes that he doesn’t know nearly as much about his brother or the world as he thought he did
warnings: violence, kidnapping, guns, house fire, police brutality
LOVE IN THE AIR mlm, realistic fiction, comedy, drama, enemies to lovers
rain is pissed to find out that the girl he likes has a crush on payu, a mechanic and alumni from his department who everyone is in love with. feeling that payu—confident, popular, and well aware of it—needs to be put in his place, he sets out to make payu fall stupid in love with him. meanwhile, payu’s charming friend prapai tries to get the attention of rain’s best friend sky, much to sky’s annoyance (or so it seems)
warnings: SA, past and attempted rape, kidnapping, past abuse, undernegotiated d/s
MOONLIGHT CHICKEN mlm, deaf character, drama, realistic fiction
after passing out in a diner, wen meets and takes an interest in the restaurant’s owner jim, who decidedly does not do relationships. wen begins working at the diner while attempting to break down jim’s walls and get to know him better. meanwhile, jim’s nephew befriends and falls for a teenage boy his age who hasn’t left the house since he lost his hearing
warnings: homophobia, ableism, family issues
YES OR NO (2010) wlw, comedy, drama, school setting, enemies to lovers
traditional girl pie is horrified to discover that her new roommate kim is a tomboy. at first she refuses to interact with her, but kim is friendly to her and as time goes on they become closer, leading them both to wonder if there’s something more than just friendship between them
warnings: homophobia, attempted self-harm
KOREAN
COLOR RUSH mlm, drama, supernatural element, mystery
in a world of people who can’t see color (monos) unless they meet a specific person (probes), high schooler yeonwoo has no interest in ever meeting his probe. but when yoohan, a classmate, discovers that he is yeonwoo’s probe, he dedicates himself to teaching yeonwoo the names and the beauty of all the colors he couldn’t see before
warnings: obsession, discussion of violent crime/cannibalism, suicide attempt, psych ward scene
SEMANTIC ERROR mlm, side wlw character, comedy, school setting, opposites attract
left the sole person to do all the work in a group project, serious student chu sangwoo exposes the other students in his group, delaying the graduation of jang jaeyoung, a carefree art student. with his graduation delayed, jaeyoung sets out to annoy sangwoo in any way he can. to make things worse, jaeyoung also happens to be the same designer that sangwoo contacted for help on making a video game for a class project
warnings: none
THE EIGHTH SENSE mlm, drama, realistic fiction, school setting, sports club
after moving from the country to seoul for college, art student kim jihyun meets seo jaewon, an older student just back from the military who’s determined to be his friend. jihyun joins the surfing club that jaewon is president of, and as jaewon teaches him to surf they grow closer despite jaewon’s depression and his ex-girlfriend’s jealousy
warnings: depression, discussion of suicide, family issues, nonconsensual kissing, implied substance abuse, age gap relationship
SHE MAKES MY HEART FLUTTER wlw, comedy, drama, realistic fiction, bar setting
gang seol, a young unemployed lesbian, discovers a hole-in-the-wall women-only bar only to find out the owner is her aunt jung one, who is also a lesbian. seol begins working at the bar, and her openness with her own sexuality causes some conflict between them as seol tries to bring attention to the small lesbian bar that jung one has carefully cultivated to be under the radar and unassuming
warnings: none
THE HANDMAIDEN (2016) wlw, psychological thriller, mystery, drama, period piece
a young pickpocket named sookhee is hired by a con man named fujiwara to work as the handmaiden to the heiress lady hideko. sookhee's role is to convince hideko to marry fujiwara so he can defraud her and inherit her fortune before locking hideko up in a psychiatric asylum, but hideko is not as fragile as she seems
warnings: violence against women, SA, attempted rape, suicide attempt, psych ward scene, incest
JAPANESE
YUURI!!! ON ICE mlm (censored), sports anime, comedy, drama, realistic fiction
anxious figure skater katsuki yuuri heads home after a big loss to rediscover his passion for skating. when a video of him skating to one of famed victor nikiforov’s routines goes viral, victor shows up at his house and insists on personally coaching yuuri, who has absolutely no idea how to deal with his idol being this close to him
warnings: fatphobia, anxiety attacks
CHERRY MAGIC!/CHERRY MAGIC! THE MOVIE (2022)* mlm, comedy, drama, supernatural powers, workplace romance
legend has it that if you’re still a virgin by your 30th birthday, you’ll get magical powers. shy office worker adachi doesn’t think much of this until it happens to him—when he turns 30, he gains the ability to read people’s minds when he touches them! and what’s more, he finds out that somehow, the handsome office darling kurosawa has a crush on him
warnings: sexual harassment, age gap relationship (side couple)
MY BEAUTIFUL MAN (UTSUKUSHII KARE)/MY BEAUTIFUL MAN: ETERNAL (UTSUKUSHII KARE: ETERNAL) (2023)* mlm, drama, realistic fiction, school setting, idol character (kind of)
hira, a shy high schooler with a stutter, develops a crush on his idol trainee classmate kiyoi. with his self-esteem nonexistent, he doesn’t think that kiyoi could ever take an interest in him, but kiyoi notices hira always looking at him and starts doing everything in his power to keep hira’s gaze on him
warnings: bullying, obsessive behavior, kidnapping (eternal)
SILHOUETTE OF YOUR VOICE (2017)* mlm, hoh character, drama, realistic fiction, school setting
taichi stumbles upon and befriends kohei, a fellow student at his school who gives taichi his lunch one day. seeing that kohei, who is hard of hearing, is looking for a note taker, taichi offers to take on the role in exchange for kohei bringing him a lunch from home on the days they have class. since taichi’s voice is naturally loud, kohei finds it easy to communicate with him and taichi encourages him to advocate for himself
warnings: ableism
CANADIAN
CLOUDBURST (2011)* wlw, comedy, drama, realistic fiction
stella and dotty, two elderly lesbians, escape their nursing home and go on a roadtrip to canada to get legally married. on the way, they pick up a hitchhiker named prentice who is also heading to canada to visit his mother, and the three of them bond
warnings: fatphobia, dick and balls just on screen at one point
SINGLE ALL THE WAY (2021)* mlm, romantic comedy, christmas setting, best friends to lovers
chronically single peter goes home for the holidays accompanied by his best friend nick. his family members are caught between trying to set up peter and a gay personal trainer and trying to set up peter and nick, who they are convinced are in love and just don’t see it
warnings: none
AMERICAN
HANNIBAL* mlm, side wlw couple, horror, psychological thriller, drama, crime thriller
will graham is recruited into active field work in the fbi despite his and others’ concerns that he is too mentally unstable. in order to combat this, his boss jack brings in psychiatrist hannibal lecter who is, unbeknownst to anyone, a serial killer and a cannibal. hannibal and will develop a mutual fascination with each other as will’s mental health worsens
warnings: manipulation, gaslighting, body horror, guns, gore, animal death, psych ward scenes, suicide attempt, implied incest, implied SA
JENNIFER’S BODY (2009)* wlw, horror, comedy, supernatural powers, school setting
after a mysterious fire at a bar concert, reserved teen needy lesnicki notices unnerving changes in her best friend jennifer check, a domineering and popular cheerleader, who shows up at needy’s house covered in blood. now jennifer is possessed by a demon and killing off boys in their class, and her next victim is needy’s boyfriend chip
warnings: gore, ableist slurs, possession, psych ward scenes, fatphobia, self-harm
KISSING JESSICA STEIN (2001)* wlw, romantic comedy, drama
with her brother engaged, her best friend pregnant, and a lot of unsuccessful first dates, jessica stein responds to a women seeking women ad in the newspaper and meets helen cooper, an openly bisexual woman. the two start going out despite jessica’s internalized homophobia which causes her to keep their relationship a secret, upsetting helen
warnings: biphobia. also the ending is disappointing imho so i’d suggest turning it off after they move in together
BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER (1999)* wlw, romantic comedy, teen, satire
megan’s friends and family have to break the news to her that she is, in fact, a lesbian, much to her shock. her parents then send her to a conversion camp where she meets a bunch of other gay teens; they are supposed to learn to be straight again through enforcing traditional gender norms and activities. while there, megan falls for graham, a rebellious lesbian in the same program
warnings: homophobia, slurs
BOUND (1996)* wlw, crime thriller, mob movie
while doing remodeling work in an apartment building, corky meets and starts an affair with violet, the girlfriend of the mobster who lives next door. wanting to get out of the mob, violet enlists corky’s help to trick her boyfriend out of $2 million, but things don’t go as planned
warnings: guns, blood, homophobia, slurs, assault, violence
BRITISH
HEARTSTOPPER* mlm, side trans character, side wlw couple, romantic comedy, drama, teen, realistic fiction
charlie spring, a shy high school student, develops a crush on a sweet, supposedly straight rugby jock named nick nelson, much to the horror of charlie’s protective best friend tao. meanwhile, after transitioning, elle attempts to make friends at the all-girls school she transferred to
warnings: attempted SA, emotional abuse, homophobia, implied ED behavior, slurs
SUMMERLAND (2020)* wlw, period piece, drama, realistic fiction
in WWII, an asshole writer named alice lamb is assigned a london evacuee boy named frank to take care of, much to her horror. as she warms up to frank and explains to him the mythical summerland that she studies, she recalls her romance with a beautiful woman named vera
warnings: war, bombs
TAIWANESE
YOUR NAME ENGRAVED HEREIN (2020) mlm, drama, period piece, school setting
jiahan meets outspoken birdy at their catholic high school, and the two of them grow closer and develop feelings for each other in a time of rampant homophobia. but when their all-boys school begins integrating girls, birdy starts hanging out with a girl named banban, upsetting jiahan
warnings: familial abuse, SA, homophobia, violence, slurs
HISTORY 3: MAKE OUR DAYS COUNT mlm, drama, comedy, school setting, opposites attract
when his girlfriend takes an interest in the reserved and studious yu xigu, rowdy troublemaker haoting and his friends begin to prank xigu. but when one of the pranks goes awry, haoting feels bad and focuses his attention instead on getting to know xigu, who grows less wary of him as they spend more time together
warnings: homophobia, family issues, age gap relationship (side couple), implied ED behaviors. i really like the characters in this one but the side couple is a high schooler and an adult + it made me very uncomfortable so please be careful. also, i’m saying this because i care about you all—skip the last episode. trust me.
WE BEST LOVE mlm, comedy, drama, rivals to lovers, school setting (no. 1 for you)/workplace romance (fighting mr. 2nd)
hotheaded, competitive zhou shuyi is ready to start college without his longtime personal rival gao shide beating him in everything. at least, until he finds out shide, who finds shuyi’s distaste for him funny, is once again attending the same school as him
warnings: nonconsensual kiss, internalized homophobia
FILIPINO
PEARL NEXT DOOR* wlw, romantic comedy, drama, love triangle
a spin-off from the mlm show gameboys centered around pearl, who is trying to have an epic romance but can’t decide between karleen, the girl she’s been crushing on who doesn’t seem interested in her (until she does), and alex, a new girl who makes her feelings for pearl very clear
warnings: biphobia
i’ll probably update this as i watch more. pls feel free to let me know if you watch any of my recs and what you think of them! <3
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{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Repairing Our Busted-Ass World
On poverty:
Starting from nothing
How To Start at Rock Bottom: Welfare Programs and the Social Safety Net
How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year
Ask the Bitches: “Is It Too Late to Get My Financial Shit Together?“
Understanding why people are poor
It’s More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich
Why Are Poor People Poor and Rich People Rich?
On Financial Discipline, Generational Poverty, and Marshmallows
Bitchtastic Book Review: Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado
Is Gentrification Just Artisanal, Small-Batch Displacement of the Poor?
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights
Developing compassion for poor people
The Latte Factor, Poor Shaming, and Economic Compassion
Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Stop Myself from Judging Homeless People?“
The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don’t Tell Me What’s Expensive
A Little Princess: Intersectional Feminist Masterpiece?
If You Can’t Afford to Tip 20%, You Can’t Afford to Dine Out
Correcting income inequality
1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap
One Reason Women Make Less Money? They’re Afraid of Being Raped and Killed.
Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make All Our Lives Better
Are Unions Good or Bad?
On intersectional social issues:
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On Pulling Weeds and Fighting Back: How (and Why) to Protect Abortion Rights
How To Get an Abortion
Blood Money: Menstrual Products for Surviving Your Period While Poor
You Don’t Have to Have Kids
Gender equality
1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap
The Pink Tax, Or: How I Learned to Love Smelling Like “Bearglove”
Our Single Best Piece of Advice for Women (and Men) on International Women’s Day
Bitchtastic Book Review: The Feminist Financial Handbook by Brynne Conroy
Sexual Harassment: How to Identify and Fight It in the Workplace
Queer issues
Queer Finance 101: Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances
Leaving Home before 18: A Practical Guide for Cast-Offs, Runaways, and Everybody in Between
Racial justice
The Financial Advantages of Being White
Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job
The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander: A Bitchtastic Book Review
Something Is Wrong in Personal Finance. Here’s How To Make It More Inclusive.
The Biggest Threat to Black Wealth Is White Terrorism
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality
10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now
Youth issues
What We Talk About When We Talk About Student Loans
The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships
Ask the Bitches: “I Just Turned 18 and My Parents Are Kicking Me Out. How Do I Brace Myself?”
Identifying and combatting abuse
When Money is the Weapon: Understanding Intimate Partner Financial Abuse
Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace
Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Say ‘No’ When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again?”
Ask the Bitches: I Was Guilted Into Caring for a Sick, Abusive Parent. Now What?
On mental health:
Understanding mental health issues
How Mental Health Affects Your Finances
Stop Recommending Therapy Like It’s a Magic Bean That’ll Grow Me a Beanstalk to Neurotypicaltown
Bitchtastic Book Review: Kurt Vonnegut’s Galapagos and Your Big Brain
Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Protect My Own Mental Health While Still Helping Others?”
Coping with mental health issues
{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care
My 25 Secrets to Successfully Working from Home with ADHD
Our Master List of 100% Free Mental Health Self-Care Tactics
On saving the planet:
Changing the system
Don’t Boo, Vote: If You Don’t Vote, No One Can Hear You Scream
Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less
The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide: I Have No Gift to Bring, Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum
Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights
Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality
Shopping smarter
You Deserve Cheap Toilet Paper, You Beautiful Fucking Moon Goddess
You Are above Bottled Water, You Elegant Land Mermaid
Fast Fashion: Why It’s Fucking up the World and How To Avoid It
You Deserve Cheap, Fake Jewelry… Just Like Coco Chanel
6 Proven Tactics for Avoiding Emotional Impulse Spending
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I got my first tattoo!
A longer post about the details of my experience and whatnot. Hopefully a bit of a stress/anxiety relief for those who are getting their first tattoo and want some form of reassurance. <3
I'm 19 years old, and in the state of Michigan in the US, idk what tattoo laws are anywhere else, but when you turn 18 years old, you're considered a "legal adult" although you can't legally purchase nicotine or tobacco nor can you purchase or drink anything alcoholic. Can't go into a casino or even rent a vehicle. But I digress.
The tattoo I got is in memory of my father who passed away July 12th, 2017. Just a few minutes shy of my 13th birthday... so that was fun to wake up to. He had an all black tribal armband tattoo around his left upper-arm, which was his dominant arm, and it wasn't finished because it hurt him too much to finish the underarm part.
I was gonna get his tattoo or something close to it on my left upper-arm, but I have an implant where the tattoo would be so I chose to have it mirrored and put on my upper right arm, my dominant arm.
I was nervous as fuck and I was low on iron at the time so I was twitching like hell, so that didn't help calm my nerves or anxiety about it getting messed up. The outline didn't hurt and he did the underside of my arm first because that part is a bitch to do last cause of how sensitive the area already is. So adding on it being tender from doing an outline would've made the ordeal WAY worse. I likely wouldn't have been able to get it finished so it would have been unfinished like my dads was lmfao.
The filling part of the process was decent in the beginning, it only really hurt when he would have to go over the same spot multiple times to get it filled, much like when you color in a book or on paper, you have to go over the same area a few times to make sure its all even and complete. So when he reached the back of my arm it was more painful because it had an hour untouched, so the newly sore areas were being abused again.
It wasn't as painful as I had expected though, I'm a bit of a cry baby when my body actually LETS me cry and I surprisingly didn't cry, so the anxiety of me crying and embarrassing myself went away after a while. I did flinch a time or two and I apologized a lot throughout because I wanna be a good client and I don't want the artists to have a bad impression of me so when I go and get another tattoo they won't be annoyed that they have to deal with me.
The artist was super cool and talked to me every now and again and let me rest my arm when I had to have it above my head so he could do the underside. He said if I needed a break to let him know and complimented me on how I barely reacted in the beginning and how, although I was shaking from adrenaline, my right arm was perfectly still for him. He did grab, pull, and stretch my skin some and I had a large bruise but it didn't hurt, just looked weird for a few days.
When it was peeling it was SO HARD to not pick at the skin... I ended up picking some off and so there's a couple little places that are discolored, but if I make an appointment to get it touched up within the next 3 months then the touch up is completely free, so that's a plus! I'll make sure not to pull at the skin when I get it touched up...
Also, it's at the itchy stage. It's so hard not to scratch it... so if anyone has any tips or pointers on what to do, that would be great... cause I can not ignore it... I have ADHD. If it bothers me, I will focus on it and won't be able to distract myself. If I do manage to forget about it, my brain will suddenly be like: "Yo, remember how itchy it is? Wonder if it still itches like a motherfucker." and then the cycle repeats.
My dad's tattoo
My tattoo!
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Heads up, just venting to deal with some stress ahead.
So college shit is going just fantastic. I've been at this research station in the middle of nowhere all summer (love it out here, it's amazing), and the wifi is kinda shitty. Now, I've been trying to get a dorm for the upcoming semester, but there's been a wait-list last since they started signing people up for housing six months ago, and two, almost three by now, days ago they sent me an email saying "hey, we got a room, but you need to respond in three days."
Now, I'm not on my phone a whole lot, and my computer lives in my cabin where it doesn't get internet, so I only saw this email yesterday, but I was feeling sick in the afternoon after classes, and that continued into some of today, and by then I was already in a YouTube spiral that I only managed to pull myself out of 30 minutes ago.
So I get my computer and go to the one building that has wifi that I can stand to be in (the library has this god awful, head squeezing buzz sound that I hate) to try and take care of that and two assignments where I have to give two varying answers about what happiness means to me. So, already having a bad day, feeling rushed, so of course, of fucking course, the wifi or my computer or maybe both decide that they're going to crap out on me. I can't access the wifi, so I can't access the housing portal, or the website I need to access so I can turn my assignments in, and it's just all a giant dumpster fire, so I'm sitting and waiting for my laptop to restart and hoping nothing goes more wrong than it has.
I would love to call my girlfriend and just hear her talk to me for a while, but my phone isn't charged enough for that, so I'm SOL there. And I can't tell my parents, because their response to shit like this is always "Well, it doesn't seem like you were that interested if you chose not to do anything about it."
It is so infuriating and demeaning and it makes me want to scream because I fucking am! I am interested! I want to do my assignments! But they seem to think that I'm just saying that.
Best part is that they know I have ADHD, but they don't get what it means to have it. Hell, my dad wrote a paper about the relation between restless leg syndrome and ADHD and still called it a problem of parents not teaching their kids to sit still!
I don't know how to explain to them that I am literally fighting with my brain! I don't know how to explain in a way that they understand that I literally don't produce or metabolize enough of the happy chemicals that make a normal brain work right, which makes starting tasks a bitch and I still don't have a effective way to work around it because all my motivation in childhood came from fear that I no longer have to deal with! I have only ever had an external locus of control, and now that I'm on my own and expected to have an internal locus that was never developed, I am falling into pieces!
I am just so tired and stressed and I want to cry because I still have over a week of class (every day! Every! Single! Day!) and I don't want to drop out, but at the same time I don't think college is working for me, but I don't know what else I would do. I would honest to God rather shoot myself in the foot than join the military, but I don't know what other options I really have to work with.
And now the housing portal isn't responding at all, so I'm going to try the library and hope the wifi is better because if I can't get housing I might have to drop out
#no one cares but i'll post it anyway!#i do mean that quite literally this time#rant post#generally struggling#but fuck it we ball i guess
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Eminem ft. Juice WRLD - Godzilla Lyrics
Eminem ft. Juice WRLD - Godzilla Lyrics Intro Ugh, you're a monster Verse 1: Eminem I can swallow a bottle of alcohol and I'll feel like Godzilla Better hit the deck like the card dealer My whole squad's in here, walking around the party A cross between a zombie apocalypse and B-Bobby "The Brain" Heenan which is probably the Same reason I wrestle with mania Shady's in this bitch, I'm posse'd up Consider it to cross me a costly mistake If they sleepin' on me, the hoes better get insomnia ADHD, Hydroxycut Pass the Courvoisier (Hey, hey) In AA with an AK, melee, finna set it like a playdate Better vacate, retreat like a vacay, mayday (Ayy) This beat is cray-cray, Ray J, H-A-H-A-H-A Laughing all the way to the bank, I spray flames They cannot tame or placate the Chorus: Juice WRLD with Eminem Monster You get in my way, I'ma feed you to the monster (Yeah) I'm normal during the day, but at night, turn to a monster (Yeah) When the moon shines like Ice Road Truckers I look like a villain outta those blockbusters Godzilla, fire spitter, monster Blood on the dance floor, and on the Louis V carpet Fire, Godzilla, fire, monster Blood on the dance floor, and on the Louis V carpet Verse 2: Eminem I'm just a product of Slick Rick and Onyx, told 'em lick the balls Had 'em just appalled, did so many things that pissed 'em off It's impossible to list 'em all And in the midst of all this I'm in a mental hospital with a crystal ball Tryna see, will I still be like this tomorrow? Risperdal, voices whisper My fist is balled back up against the wall, pencil drawn This is just the song to go ballistic on You just pulled a pistol on the guy with a missile launcher I'm just a Loch Ness, the mythological Quick to tell a bitch screw off like a fifth of vodka When you twist the top of the bottle, I'm a Chorus: Juice WRLD with Eminem Monster You get in my way, I'ma feed you to the monster (Yeah) I'm normal during the day, but at night, turn to a monster (Yeah) When the moon shines like Ice Road Truckers I look like a villain outta those blockbusters Godzilla, fire spitter, monster Blood on the dance floor, and on the Louis V carpet Fire, Godzilla, fire, monster Blood on the dance floor, and on the Louis V carpet Verse 3: Eminem If you never gave a damn (Ayy), raise your hand 'Cause I'm about to set trip, vacation plans I'm on point like my index is, so all you will ever get is The motherfuckin' finger (Finger), prostate exam ('Xam) How can I have all these fans and perspire? Like a liar's pants, I'm on fire And I got no plans to retire and I'm still the man you admire These chicks are spazzin' out, I only get more handsome and flyer I got 'em passin' out like what you do when you hand someone flyers And what goes around comes around just like the blades on the chainsaw 'Cause I caught the flack, but my dollars stacked right off the bat like a baseball Like Kid Ink, bitch, I got them racks with so much ease that they call me Diddy 'Cause I make bands and I call getting cheese a cakewalk (Cheesecake, yeah) Bitch, I'm a player, I'm too motherfuckin' stingy for Cher Won't even lend you an ear, ain't even pretending to care But I tell a bitch I'll marry her if she'll bury her Face in my genital area, the original Richard Ramirez Cristhian Rivera, 'cause my lyrics never sit well So they wanna give me the chair Like a paraplegic, and it's scary, call it Hari Kari 'Cause e'ry Tom and Dick and Harry carry a Merriam motherfuckin' dictionary on 'em Swearing up and down they can spit, this shit's hilarious It's time to put these bitches in the obituary column We wouldn't see eye to eye with a staring problem Get the shaft like a steering column (Monster) Trigger happy, pack heat, but it's black ink Evil half of the Bad Meets Evil, that means take a back seat Take it back to Fat Beats with a maxi single Look at my rap sheet, what attracts these people Is my 'Gangsta Bitch' like Apache with a catchy jingle I stack chips, you barely got a half-eaten Cheeto Fill 'em with the venom and eliminate 'em Other words, I Minute Maid 'em I don't wanna hurt 'em, but I did, I'm in a fit of rage I'm murderin' again, nobody will evade I'm finna kill 'em and dump all their fuckin' bodies in the lake Obliterating everything, incinerate a renegade I'm here to make anybody who want it with the pen afraid But don't nobody want it, but they're gonna get it anyway 'Cause I'm beginnin' to feel like I'm mentally ill I'm Attila, kill or be killed, I'm a killer bee, the vanilla gorilla You're bringin' the killer within me outta me You don't wanna be the enemy of the demon who entered me And be on the receivin' end of me, what stupidity it'd be Every bit of me's the epitome of a spitter When I'm in the vicinity, motherfucker, you better duck Or you finna be dead the minute you run into me A hundred percent of you is a fifth of a percent of me I'm 'bout to fuckin' finish you, bitch, I'm unfadable You wanna battle, I'm available, I'm blowin' up like an inflatable I'm undebatable, I'm unavoidable, I'm unevadable I'm on the toilet bowl, I got a trailer full of money and I'm paid in full I'm not afraid to pull a— Outro: Eminem Man, stop Look what I'm plannin', haha Read the full article
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