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cenvast · 10 months ago

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Rin, Kabru, & Toshiro: On Asian Identity

I have a lot of thoughts about Rin's identity as a second-generation Asian refugee and how it impacts her relationships with other characters, especially Kabru.

I see Rin as being Indonesian specifically. The name "Rinsha" is of Muslim Arabic origin. In real life, Indonesia has one of the largest Muslim populations in the world, so what might seem like a geographically incompatible name works if Rin is the Dungeon Meshi equivalent of Indonesian.

Rin also says that her parents came from an island that isn't Wa, and Indonesia is a series of islands.

In her Adventurer's Bible entry, she's described as having "no real knowledge or attachment to the East" because "she's second-generation." She also clarifies to Mickbell that she was "born here." From this character description and her dialogue, we get the sense that Rin doesn't really identify with being Asian.

As noted in this Rin masterpost, a large part of this is because she was denied her parents' cultural identity by the elves. They likely suppressed any cultural markers she had and denied her information about her heritage. Since she wasn't born in the Eastern Archipelago and her parents died when she was young, she understandably hasn't inherited a lot of cultural knowledge.

Rin seems to have internalized ethnic self-hatred. Her disconnect from the East and her unwillingness to remedy that disconnect suggests that she has shame surrounding her Asian identity.

Again, she doesn't have many opportunities to interact with people from her parents' homeland, and her trauma also impacts her behavior. Remembering her parents is probably painful, considering the horrible way they died, and since they're her main connection to her cultural heritage, it makes sense that she wouldn't broach the topic.

You could also argue that Rin identifies more with her Northern identity than her Eastern identity since she was born and raised in the North for the first eleven years of her life, and as a result, she doesn't feel the need to connect with her parents' culture. But considering her home was presumptively still steeped in her parents' culture and her main association with the North is probably her parents' murders, this seems unlikely.

It's important to note how different her experiences are from the story's other Asian characters', like Toshiro's, for example. Toshiro travels to the Island as an adult of his own volition (technically, his father's). He's completely culturally Eastern. In comparison, Rin's parents fled from the East. Her family had to assimilate into an unfamiliar Northern culture, and later, she was "raised" by western elves, who are coded as colonizers in text. She seems to have internalized the elves' suppression of her culture and the way assimilating to the North required them to discard parts of their heritage. Her lack of interest in her culture seems learned.

Her strong attachment to Kabru further complicates her relationship with her Asian identity. I see Kabru as Indian or Nepalese; his name derives from a mountain on the border between India and Nepal. On top of being the only person who treats her like a human being during her childhood, Kabru is the only other significant Asian person in her life. They share the trauma of their parents having been brutally murdered and being raised imperfectly (much more severely in her case) by elves. While in the elf's care, they're both othered as tallmen— this aspect is strongly emphasized in the text — and in the main story, they're othered as Asian people in its European-inspired setting. Their shared experiences as Asian refugees are the foundation of their close bond.

It's not a stretch to assume that Rin consequently views Kabru as her main connection to being Asian. While they're from very different parts of fantasy Asia, their experiences as Asian refugees still overlap significantly as seen above, and the way she clings to Kabru suggests she wants to connect more with her culture, but for the previously stated reasons, she doesn't prioritize it. Besides, she doesn't have good models for what embracing one's cultural identity as a refugee/immigrant looks like. Just like her, Kabru doesn't seem to have many cultural ties, similarly because of his upbringing with the elves.

Toshiro could completely topple Rin and Kabru's original dynamic. Rin doesn't seem to like Toshiro. Their personalities would probably clash at first, because just like him, she's prone to judgment, out of self-preservation, and she's quiet. One of their canonical interactions is being captured by the orcs together; they don't even speak to each other in this scene.

Kabru and Toshiro become friends by the story's conclusion. Deep down, Rin might feel threatened by this. She's been Kabru's closest Asian friend up until this point. Toshiro, as an Asian person who was born and raised in his culture, might seem like a "better Asian" and thus, Kabru's replacement for her. This would be the worst projection of her buried insecurity over her disconnect from being Asian and how it potentially separates her from other Asian people. Given her personality, I doubt she would express this beyond acting wary around Toshiro.

With time, Rin, Kabru, and Toshiro could resolve her fears and the deeper issues they point to by all becoming friends. Interacting with other Asian people would heal her. She appears unphased by Mickbell's microaggression, implying it isn't an uncommon occurrence; she seems to only hang out with Kabru and their party. Being around other people of color would lessen the amount of othering she experiences and grant her a break from defending her identity.

Beyond the potential for cultural exchange and bonding over being Asian in fantasy Europe, Rin and Toshiro are also very similar in character. They're both anxious, quiet, and caring. If they made a little effort, they'd relate to each other and get along well.

Ideally, Rin would also befriend Hien, Benichidori, and the other girls in Toshiro's party. Kabru and Toshiro have their own issues with their treatment of women, so without positive Asian female friendships, she'd have another issue on her hands. Still, Kabru could be the bridge to a friendship with Toshiro, and Toshiro could be the bridge to friendships with his retainers. And with mutual growth, they could all enjoy each other's friendships.

Rin herself points out the vast cultural differences and language barriers between different parts of the East. The Asian characters of DunMeshi might not always share culture, but because of the story's setting in fantasy Europe, many of them experience being nonwhite in a mostly white locale. A support system of other people of color could allow Rin the space to explore her identity and culture and begin healing from her childhood trauma.

#rinsha fana #rin dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi meta #kabru #toshiro nakamoto #shuro #kabru of utaya #my silly thoughts abt rin but also just me heavily projecting other asian am ppl in my life onto dunmeshi charas #love rin dearly #it's so important to me that all the asian charas become friends and bond over being asian #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #*mine #*meta

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hestzhyen · 3 months ago

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Chapter 73 Sob Posting

Head in my hands, heart crushed, brain only sending sad signals. Let's go dear void- it's time to cry again.

Editor's notes: First Page: 破られた記憶の封印... [yabura reta kioku no fuuin...] "The seal on (their) memories has been rent asunder..." This doesn't specify whose memories, exactly, are unsealed but we can infer based on what's been happening the past few chapters that we are seeing both Samura and Iori's memories at once to tell a cohesive story. The audience gets to know everything even though the characters have things only they know and all that. It's my interpretation at least. Last Page: 国重殺害により現実味が増す"蠱"座村は... [Kunishige satsugai ni yori genjitsumi ga masu "kodoku" Samura wa...] "With Kunishige's murder, the "Malediction" becomes much more real to Samura...

Thank goodness VIZ translated the text on the colour page for once so I don't have to. Congratulations to the contest winners! Also, 925 entry submissions for a manga without an anime for this kind of contest is pretty crazy. Kagurabachi is definitely going to be a WSJ mainstay.

Small note before we begin: the title of the chapter in Japanese is 黎明 [reimei], "Daybreak", same as in EN. It can mean "dawn of a new age" as well, which I think has some connection to what happened this chapter. There are plenty of words for dawn/daybreak in Japanese (明け方 [akegata], 夜明け [yoake], 暁 [akatsuki], etc.) but reimei was the one chosen, y'know? My guess is due to the Hishaku successfully engineering what seems to be the beginning of the end...

Iori

Oh my god this poor kid.

It's not, but it's also not your fault at all...

She's so strong trying to bear the bullying on her own. She's smart, too, for realising that her dad will send her away if he catches on to what she's trying her best to endure. So she lies with a smile to protect the little bit of happiness she has.

Iori loses her mom to something no one can control, then tries to control what she can to keep the dad she came to love after all by her side. She only wants to live with him no matter what it costs her. How can a person's heart not break for Iori? She's being bullied by her classmates, the adults are enabling it, people are trashing her home all the time, and she still wants to stay so she doesn't have to lose someone else.

No kid should have to suffer like this and I want to give Iori a huge hug for doing her best under supremely shitty circumstances. Once again, much like Hakuri and Chihiro, we see a kid suffering the consequences of bullshit going on among the adults. Kagurabachi is many things and "a story that examines the impacts and consequences of older generations' issues on the younger ones" is one of them.

The interesting thing to look forward to now that my heart has been thoroughly minced into fine particulate matter: who is Iori's aunt in the Kamunabi? Is it the woman she was living with, or since it was specifically her mom's younger sister, could the theories of this lady being her aunt come true?

NAME, PLEASE?!

She's the only one of the three folks who sealed the Shinuchi we haven't seen pop back up yet- Prince Nez got a surprise showing last chapter, Beard guy was in the panel of the treaty being signed. I like the theory of her being the aunt mostly because it would help us segue back into checking on the folks we left off at Kamunabi HQ. We simply don't know yet though, so... more waiting.

Poor Iori, though. Separated from her parent again and she couldn't do anything about it in the end. But I can't really blame Samura for his decision to upset her so badly.

Before we move on, though... the first of more-than-usual TL notes.

Iori...! You'll find happiness again soon, I hope!

"Six months" is incorrect, it should be "year and a half". Iori lived with Samura for a year while her mom was in the hospital and this chapter takes place roughly six months after Inori died. The JP was correct, as was French and Spanish, so this is an EN-only error apparently.

Samura

I sure as hell woke up when I got to translating this part at like 4 am.

He fears for her so much that he's worried she'll fucking hang herself. His anxiety is definitely overblown here, but that's a parent's worst nightmare isn't it? To find their child committed suicide... unless they're Kyora, who wouldn't have minded much if Hakuri's suicidal leap in ch. 24 had succeeded. Fortunately (or unfortunately) Samura's got different failings as a father and he makes the most rational decision he can: he removes Iori from his home to live with her aunt. To spare her from his issues and having to suffer consequences she doesn't deserve. If anything, Samura doesn't deserve her.

There are some extremely cool comparisons we can make between Samura and Kunishige now. Both war veterans with literal skeletons in their closet who didn't necessarily want their kid to emulate them. Both teaching their kid their craft despite some having some reservations. Both loving their kid a hell of a lot. But where Kunishige wanted to walk Chihiro through every step of learning about the world -including the "not so bright and shiny stuff"-, Samura tries to shield Iori by sending her away and abandoning her again.

I can't be mad at him for doing that even if it's such a heart-wrenchingly painful thing to see happen to Iori. She was crying herself to sleep and being worn down by the resentment towards her father echoing down to her as well. Living with her dad was a kind of happiness for her, but it was a huge risk too. Even if she didn't hang herself like he feared she would still be deeply affected by so much negativity aimed at them both. So Samura did the responsible thing by sending her away to somewhere safer even if it broke his little girl's heart. Part of being an adult is making difficult decisions like that and credit to him, he did it.

I can't fault him for any of his actions that he took before he went off the deep end in the present either. I mean, really:

Protect the father for the sake of the son... sorry, Shiba, I know you tried your best.

Samura didn't try to keep this burden to himself! He talked to his superior and informed him about everything John told him, who spread the word to at least a few other folks who could do something about it. He asked Shiba to look after the Rokuhiras. And he tried to be a proactive presence in Iori's life even if he was awkward around her.

Samura did everything right and still lost.

My personal theory is that the Hishaku targeted Samura for this plan because he'd be the easiest to manipulate. His negative feelings are strong- anxiety, grief, guilt, self-hatred, etc. That makes him easy to predict. Maybe telling Samura was vital to the plan because all these dominoes needed to fall and he was the right piece to push first. In other words, they knew he'd inform everyone and relied on that to make this catastrophic prediction come true.

Regardless of what we learn, it's hard not to feel for Samura when he was genuinely doing everything he could to protect the people he cares for. He made responsible moves based on what he knew and didn't try to tackle it alone. The reason for how he came to be so misguided in the present is bright and clear now- each step he's taken in his life so far has been logical, responsible, and with good intentions. But losing so much despite doing the right thing at every turn amplified all his negative traits and feelings. So he decided -again, with clear and sober reasoning- that he needed to tackle the root of the issue by himself. Kill the Master Swordsman, kill the Kamunabi's mole, kill the other Bearers, kill the Hishaku, kill himself. Kill everything that's causing problems and restore peace. He's drowning in despair over this Malediction prediction coming to pass and will stop it by any means necessary. That's my impression anyway.

An observation before we move on:

Bad news...

The change of seasons here gives us a rough timeline of when Chihiro and Shiba visited before Kunishige's murder. In the preceding page they're all wearing clothing for spring or autumn- long sleeves but no coats (other than Samura's unkempt suit) and the plants in the backgrounds are full of foliage. Then we transition to this page with a bare branch to show us that it's late fall/winter when Samura gets the news. So anywhere between a month to about six passed and Kunishige died late in the year or early in the next one.

Aaaaand a small TL note because this is impossible to really bring across in EN:

Heckin' punks.

Glasses guy says the same thing in the second panel in Japanese: あっ座村 but this is giga turbo maximum disrespect towards our favourite blind guy. Not using a -san honorific for someone older than you is incredibly rude, and it speaks volumes for how these kids see Samura even before the other guy gives his little speech.

It's related to this scene:

Samura I can't believe I'm saying this, but you have nothing to apologise for.

These guys in the background watching Samura fall over himself to apologise for Iori fighting with his student's kid don't have a great impression of him. And neither does the guy he's teaching and apologising to! The kids bullying Iori heard all that slander from their parents and are using it to torment her. The adults are being duplicitous and respecting Samura to his face since he still has that War Hero status, but they've got doubts and issues with him in private that their kids are picking up on. Iori's getting all the blowback since she's just a child who can't slice them to ribbons and Samura fucking hates that, as he should- which only amplifies those guilty feelings he never quite got rid of.

Lastly, just one small thing I found amusing:

Samura, eternally Going Through Some Things

Samura refers to Yura as 奴 [yatsu], "that guy (derogatory or familiar)". Since Samura's not exactly chums with Yura it's more like "That bastard's been spreading that story?".

The Hishaku

I wanted to murder John and Hatshaku myself after translating wall of text after wall of text this chapter. May God rest the official translator's soul.

So, first up, a translation note... 民族浄化 [minzokujouka], "ethnic cleansing" never appeared in John's explanation here in the original. There wasn't even verbiage alluding to the incident in that way. The text in the bubble was:

町にばら撤いたのは条約と剣聖の事件の一連を記した文書と条約の調印式の偽造写真 "We scattered leaflets around town... detailing the treaty and the Sword Master incident, as well as forged photos of the treaty signing ceremony." I wonder what the official EN TL was going for here. 事故 [jiken] is a neutral term simply meaning "accident/incident" or "circumstances"- the official Spanish and French translations also didn't include the "ethnic cleansing" terminology. That's a pretty loaded concept to include by mistake, you know?

At any rate, John's been carefully laying the foundation for years now. We still don't know exactly why he's doing this but he's patient as hell and willing to do things slowly so they're done right. I'm all in on bets for him using Samura and telling him about the prediction to ensure that the Malediction event happens- dollars to doughnuts he's going to be the one who causes it, assuming it's not thwarted by Chihiro et. al.

I appreciate the writing for this nefarious plot quite a bit. Hokazono-sensei understands how these plots usually unfold through careful manipulation instead of an obvious misinformation campaign that somehow totally wins over the populace. What's important isn't to get the truth out right away but to plant seeds one by one- first sow doubt, then build mistrust, so on and so forth. This is very true to life and honestly just as scary as whatever the Sword Master's got going on with Magatsumi. The Hishaku are deadly serious about this plan with the patience to see it through.

Okay, dear void... no idea what we'll see next, but I'm comfortably strapped in and ready for whatever it is. Hopefully I can reassemble my heart in time for it to be shattered again. Take care of yourself this week and give yourself a little praise, just as a treat.

#kagurabachi #Hakuri I love you I miss you please come back #Iori please stay too I love you and I will never forgive the author if you are written out at some point #long post #My unfinished draft count is ballooning and I want to add another with a Kunishige-Kyora-Samura comparison essay #Someone stop me please I need to finish other things first #kb ch73

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whattraintracks · 9 months ago

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I kinda feel we didn’t much of raph and splinter’s relationship in 03 thoughts?

Hmm, I suppose that's fair. I've heard it said that 03 isn't a very character-driven story, and I agree we don't see as many character dynamics or arcs explored as we could have.

Below the cut are the pieces of Raph and Splinter's relationship I've pieced together for myself.

Splinter's bio on Raph in Tales from the Sewer presents this interesting duality in Splinter's perception of him. He's a difficult child but just a kid. He trains the most but he's a difficult student. He makes poor decisions but Splinter has the utmost faith in his abilities. As both father and teacher, Splinter sometimes struggles to approach his sons and their needs in the appropriate role, especially when it comes to Raph.

For example, his hands-off approach to Raph's rage, or what I usually think of as emotional dysregulation (either as a product of neurodivergence or his young age). When Raph nearly maims Mikey during a rage attack/dissociative episode (see S1E4 "Meet Casey Jones") Splinter doesn't try to stop Raph or separate him and Mikey, although he very well could have. He doesn't step in until after Leo and Donny have broken up the fight. Despite addressing Raph parentally, he comes at the issue like a teacher offering those ninja master-esque nuggets of wisdom about rage being a monster and a true warrior is balanced in all things. I think he wants to come across sympathetically (gentle voice, physical contact, calling Raph "my son") but there is a sense of disappointment and unmet expectations in what he says.

In the aforementioned bio, Splinter notes that of all the turtles, Raph trains the longest and hardest. He likely equates length of training with dedication to ninjutsu and assumes that because Raph exhibits these things he should be something he isn't: more disciplined less angry. Perhaps he compares Raph to Leo who apparently trains less but fits Splinter's prototype of a good ninja. Speaking of Leo, later in the same episode we see Splinter chastise Mikey and Donny for interrupting Leo's practice and tell Leo to keep practicing his split kick without offering any advice on how to get it right.

We see this idea directed to Raph in Splinter's comment about a true warrior finding balance in all things. It's not particularly informative. This is his version of telling Raph to keep practicing but it's not what Raph needs at this moment, hot off such an overwhelming experience. So instead of reading this as the patient, parental advice I think Splinter intends it to be, Raph's body language screams chastised. He doesn't meet Splinter's eyes and he runs away. Raph (like all of the brothers) wants Splinter's approval and he's devastated to have fallen short in this instance. Then Splinter doesn't let Mikey follow after Raph. And yeah, Raph likely needed that space but it's this hands-off approach, again. Another example comes from the one of Raph's diary entries in the Raphael: Collector Book. He talks about Splinter assigning him more meditation exercises to help him control his emotions and temper. Perhaps training, space, meditation, and nuggets of wisdom are effective tools for Splinter to self-regulate his emotions, but Splinter is also an adult. Raph needs more guidance and practical advice at this point in his life that Splinter isn't providing. The tools aren't enough, he needs to be taught how to use them.

So. Raph responds in a couple ways to Splinter's hands-off, more-teacher-than-father approach. The first is to train harder, and longer, and learn everything he can about ninjutsu. If Master Splinter says becoming a true warrior will help him find emotional balance then he's going to try his hardest to become one. When he meets Casey, he shares with him verbatim the true warrior line but confesses to Casey he's not sure how hot-heads like them are supposed to do that. He still takes the advice to heart even if it's not helpful or he doesn't understand it because he wants to please and obey his father. The collector's book shows us that Raph has taken the time to learn aspects of ninjutsu that are confusing, uninteresting, and even inaccessible to him. This book contains a lot of technical information about ninjutsu techniques and teachings. It presents Raph as even more of ninja nerd than Leo! Some of this stuff appeals to his interests, for sure; the different punching techniques for instance. Some of it, he seems to have only learned to gain Splinter's approval. He has a detailed spread on hand signs that he explicitly finds too mystical and confusing, claims it took forever to learn, and he can't even use it as a three-fingered being, but he hopes Splinter will be impressed with him.

Second, he goes behind Splinter's back. If there's something he wants or needs and he thinks Splinter won't approve of it, he'll take it for himself. Such as going to the surface when he needs space or bringing his brothers to the surface when he thinks there's something important they need to do. This feels, to me, like access thievery, which is the concept (typically applied to disabled/neurodivergent folks) of taking what one needs (time, space, resources) without asking for permission or waiting to be offered it (because you likely won't be). Again in the collector's book, Raph exhibits an awareness of his faults and a self-compassionate recognition that he's just a teen. Splinter know this too but has shown that he can't always offer what Raph needs or won't give him it in some cases (forbids them from going to the surface). So Raph has developed a willingness to take what he needs for himself and sneak around Splinter to avoid the disapproval he fears.

All that aside, I think they're very similar in their fierce love and devotion to family and the ways it can drive them to anger, fear, hatred, and vengeance. There are traits Raph inherited from Splinter they bond over, too. They're both competitive. The Battle Nexus Tournament isn't their thing but we see them playing pokey in "Dragons Rising." I love the idea that they play a lot of games together! They have a similar sense of humility. They know they're skilled but they're more likely hang back and play support while their other family members take the spotlight than boast. Unless it's really personal, then they'll take over, like how Splinter's quest for vengeance guides them in Exodus and Raph's desire to help Casey leads the brothers to sneak out with him in "Meet Casey Jones." I think, they have a similar sense of humor, too. Raph has this silly line in the collector's book about Splinter being proud he used his head, that is, like a battering ram, and you cannot tell me Splinter wouldn't chuckle at that.

#thanks for the ask anon!#held onto it for a while and finally had some thoughts about it i felt ready to share #kind of zoomed in on one example from the show and generalised from there #also used this as an opportunity to analyse some book lore #from s1e4: the rage is a monster bit breaks my heart #way to make raph feel more like a monster splinter as if society's rejection of him isn't painful enough #for anyone more versed in disability studies than i if i have horribly misrepresented access thievery do let me know #the awkward realisation that i see parts of my relationship with my mom in these two #i think their relationship however loving is complicated because raph is a nd kid #and even though splinter tries his best he doesn't have the resources to understand and help raph #raphael splinterson #master splinter #tmnt 2003 #tmnt #whattrainofthought #my asks

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aspd-culture · 3 months ago

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would it be strange if i reclaimed psychopath if i was armchair diagnosed as a kid? + i do have aspd traits but not particularly in a situation where i can get a psych eval

Being armchair diagnosed, especially as a child, is not enough to know if you have ASPD. We’re perfectly cool with self-diagnosis here, but it needs to be well researched. One thing you’ll find in the process of that research is why that “as a child” is a problem. ASPD cannot be diagnosed as a child for a reason: because under the age of 18 the traits are not able to be differentiated between normal stressed teenage behavior and in children younger than that, there is a high potential they will not go on to develop ASPD despite having traits of it.

There is quite a high threshold of things that need to go awry in neurological development for someone to end up with a trauma based personality disorder. ASPD in particular comes with a strong potential to avoid the traits becoming the PD if a child or honestly even a teenager is introduced to the support system they need and given reason to trust it.

And even as an adult, you can have some traits without having the disorder. I would definitely do some research, starting with but not exclusively reading the current DSM (DSM V-TR) entry on ASPD, and not just what’s posted in my bio, that’s the criteria but none of the important surrounding information in the ASPD section. That’ll go over a lot of info, and from there you wanna go through both scholarly stuff (articles & research papers - many of which will be stigmatized but it’s important to read because somewhere in there they hide some good info), and anecdotal stuff like this blog but not just this blog. Take in as much information as you can, learn about what it is and what it isn’t, and especially learn about the things that are similar to ASPD but are not ASPD. There are other disorders that look similar, but have key differences.

I suggest all this because unlike some disorders that are either easy to self diagnose (panic disorder - the main thing you need to know is if you have panic attacks, and if you have panic attacks about the fear of having a panic attack) or at least much more straightforward than self diagnosing a personality disorder. PDs are in fact some of the most complicated disorders to categorize and diagnose - even professionally - because when something is affecting every facet of someone’s personality, it’s not going to be easy to figure out what’s a symptom vs what’s situational. They usually require a long rapport with the diagnosing professional because they have to be persistent and consistent across time and situations. That means that it’s not something you can look into quickly and decide, you’ll need to keep watching for the symptoms once you know them and see if you are responding that way across the board or if something is triggering that response in only certain situations.

I can’t stop you from using that term, but I can say that being armchair diagnosed as a child is not a good way to figure out if you have something as complicated as a personality disorder. Honestly, a big reason that I say to people that they need to look at other anecdotal sources from other places too is because someone I’m very close with who has known me for over 10 years at this point and lives with me has BPD and thought I did too, like was 100% certain. In fact they directly thought I had the hyper-empathy of BPD - and so did my ex who knew me for much less time but also has BPD. Even having the disorder yourself and knowing someone for a long time doesn’t mean you can accurately armchair diagnose them. Like I said, these are complicated to diagnose.

For reference, it took me at least a year of fairly constant research (bc I have mental health as a special interest, I was researching something about ASPD or its differential diagnoses for at least a couple hours per week at that time), probably longer, to feel secure self diagnosing with ASPD. While it doesn’t need to necessarily take that long, it does take some effort to understand a disorder like this.

Plain text below the cut:

#this derailed into me talking about how to self dx but I’m keeping it bc it still feels on topic enough to the ask #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #cw ableist term #tw ableist term

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the--highlanders · 4 months ago

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i'd love to hear your thoughts on jamie's relationship with gender

anon you just activated my unskippable cutscene

in terms of jamie's gender. the first thing we have to look at is where he's coming from, contextually. and where he's coming from is a culture with a language that makes no distinction between the words for man and husband, or woman and wife. you're a boy or a girl, and then you get married and you're a man or a woman. if you look at the dictionary entry for 'balach', the word for boy, you also get 'bachelor of any age'. jamie in the highlanders is 22 years old, but he's still excluded from his cultural definition of manhood by virtue of not having a wife.

I also want to point to gèidh / gàidhealach by mark spencer-turner here. while it's more looking at modern gaelic constructions of gender than historic ones, I think its idea if the gaelic man as a gaelic speaker + who has a wife + who participates in specific social/cultural behaviours and situations is something that can be back-projected. and the modern-day rigidity of excluding men somewhat from full access to manhood if they, say, work an office job rather than a more traditional job also feels relevant. traditional constructions of gender - in any culture, but specifically here in gaelic culture - are built on so many small building blocks of participating in the 'right' social behaviours.

and then we've got jamie. he's a good enough piper to be compared to his father. clearly an apt enough fighter, and not willing to back down from a fight, either. presumably did all the right things and was seen in all the right places for a teenage boy to be, growing up. in that sense, he's not particularly non-conforming. and yet, crucially, he's queer, which throws a big wrench into the whole 'heterosexual marriage is key to access to manhood' thing. I don't think jamie necessarily had a good grasp on his queerness growing up, but I /do/ think the idea of growing up and getting married felt Wrong to him - and from there you end up with a general alienation from the idea of being A Man, too. he doesn't want to be A Husband, so he doesn't want to be A Man, because they're sort of the same thing. he's more comfortable with the idea of being balach, a boy, a bachelor of any age.

now as always the phantom piper does a lotttt of heavy lifting here for me, just by being so Interesting about jamie's family dynamics. on-screen, his father is his only named relative, the man who others compare him to and contextualise him against, the piper who taught and raised him - but it's his mother's pride he remembers, when he's finally fully qualified as a piper himself. his father doesn't get a look in, here. as a child, he idolises his grandfather - his father's father - and wants to be just like him. as the oldest son, he probably bears his grandfather's name. in the highlanders, he's called /wee jamie/, which I tend to think of as a translation of his descriptive name - seumadh beag, little jamie, as opposed to his grandfather. but somewhere along the lines, that idolisation breaks, and as an adult he doesn't describe his grandfather in particularly glowing terms. it's his grandmother he wants to be like, and whose words he turns into a core part of himself. everyone he knows sees him in light of his father and grandfather, sees him as the inheritor of their legacies - but in himself, he's much more comfortable with the women in his family, and wants to be more closely connected to them. his closest icons for masculinity are distant from him, somehow, or actively distasteful.

(he also has a male best friend who dies in his arms, so. negative points for the heterosexuality once again)

I don't think jamie ever really labels his gender, or that it would occur to him that he might want to do so. it probably sits oddly with him if someone calls him a man, but he shrugs it off. travelling in the tardis is incredibly freeing in that sense, because he's free from the weight of social expectations - nobody sees him as the successor to his father and his grandfather, just as himself. and he's ultimately able to explore his queerness, embrace that part of himself, and not live with the expectation that he'll have to follow the same pattern of life as everyone else, no matter how much he dislikes the idea. after a certain point, he probably just stops thinking about his gender entirely, so he winds up a bit apathetic to the whole thing. there's other things about him which are far more important. but I think there's always something of a wound inside him from 22 years of struggling with everyone's expectations that he'll grow into something he's not, thriving in some areas and absolutely failing in others - and I think if he was ever in a situation where he got to introduce himself with a descriptive name, it wouldn't be seumaidh beag. he's not a younger version of his grandfather. he's not seumaidh dòmhnall, either, jamie son of donald, son of his father. if he had the choice, I think he'd probably be seumaidh mairead, jamie son of mairead, son of his mother.

#replies #anonymous #jamie's messed up gender my beloved 🙌🙌🙌🙌#two jamie and victoria most genderweird tardis team of all time fr

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acquired-stardust · 5 months ago

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Special Feature: Vana'diel - Digital Archaeology in 2025 and the Soul of Adventure (Final Fantasy XI, 2002)

Acquired Stardust is back after a long hiatus from writing with this special feature! Want to know what we've been up to over the holidays? Click through to read Ash's long story about uncovering a living fossil and checking off a bucket list item together with Larsa through their adventures in Final Fantasy XI's Vana'diel!

The love of and desire for 'adventure', even vicariously, is something that has been etched into the very soul of humanity from the earliest stages of our history - the oldest surviving literary narrative, Sumer's Epic of Gilgamesh, is over four thousand years old. From the time written language came into being we have dreamed of stories of great heroes roaming the land, contending with crisis and gods in equal measure.

The subject of today's feature is a series that itself often hearkens back to the Epic of Gilgamesh with abundant references throughout its now 16 mainline entries and countless spinoffs, and to really understand it in context is difficult given just how much the world has changed since the release of Final Fantasy XI in 2002 (arriving in America two years later). So different in fact it almost sounds like another world itself.

The early aughts were an incredible time to grow up, and it's one of the times in my life I've personally felt a sense of adventure most strongly. As a child of the first generation to grow up with easy access to computers in the home it felt like a time of infinite possibilities. Large numbers of emergent technologies and innovations had begun to rapidly change youth culture as well as erode the old order of isolated regional cultures. The rollout of broadband 'high speed' internet in 2001 to my area was a huge deal, finally breaking upstate New York out of dial-up internet limitations now unimaginable. Video games and the hardware on which they ran got infinitely more complex. Media from Japan continued its controlled flow into the west as anime like Dragon Ball Z left its indelible mark on my generation.

Somewhere in this confluence of rapidly expanding technology and rapidly shrinking cultural borders I found myself coming of age. Growing up in upstate New York with Knox's Headquarters quite literally in my backyard gave me an early love of history, but growing up a 'latchkey kid' afforded me control of my own time - I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it all with minimal, if any, supervision. I was able to throw myself into whatever pursuit I wanted to without anyone looking over my shoulder, to decide for myself what I was interested in and who I was to become. The opportunity to find myself on my own is one I'm eternally grateful for, and to have done it in a time before far-right pipelines were anywhere near as omnipresent as they are now was a real blessing.

How this shaped up was, unsurprisingly, that I played a lot of primarily Japanese video games and watched a lot of anime. But in the early aughts there was still a comparatively very slow trickle of those things available in the west, and I was drawn primarily to two outlets that could expand my awareness of them. One was Cartoon Network's [Adult Swim] brand which would become a huge cultural player in itself and is perhaps a story for another time. The other was twice-defunct television channel G4, focused largely around video game programming such as documentaries in its series Icons and even airing thematically structured compilations of trailers, cutscenes and gameplay with Cinematech.

My love for history really blossomed in this period into complete obsession with hobbies. History was in my backyard, but it was also everywhere and In every little thing. And there were so many more 'little things' than I had ever previously known. The world was far bigger than I had ever imagined. There was always something new to see, each with its own universe of things to know about it. It was like surfing an incredible alternative cultural wave, topping the peak alongside countless other misfit kids of the Bush years. It's an experience unlike many others I've had in my life, and an incredibly special time that I will never forget. It created innumerable core memories, sometimes even from the slightest of things. One such core memory leads us directly to today's article.

The day itself was not unlike any other. I'd arrived home from school to an empty apartment and sat myself in front of the TV to spend my time on what I really wanted to be studying. As the aforementioned program Cinematech aired a rerun of one of its regular episodes I was caught off guard by a commercial for the then-upcoming Final Fantasy XI. It was a quick 30-second spot, but utterly arresting to someone who had up until that point (and indeed to this day) been completely obsessed with Final Fantasy. The game itself looked like one of the coolest things I'd ever seen, but the narration and logo noting that the game was 'online' blew my mind at the time. While certainly not the first Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, it was the first one I'd personally encountered and the prospect of being able to interact with other Final Fantasy fans within the specific context of a Final Fantasy game rather than discussion of it was extremely tantalizing.

But there were a lot of questions to be asked. What was an online game? How did an online adapter work and how much did it cost? You'd have to pay a monthly subscription to play it? And what exactly was an HDD, anyway? Rather than deal with the hassle of answering these questions (which were likely to be met with a swift and completely understandable 'no' when the inevitable monetary costs were discussed) I drifted away into other areas of my hobbies. But the core memory of seeing this game for the first time had stayed with me all these years, and Final Fantasy XI had become something of a white whale to me. A game I'd always wanted to experience but never had the time or extra money for. An opportunity I missed out on, a time and place I should have been in. Part of that great cultural wave I should've surfed.

Larsa and I discussed getting into the game almost every year we've known each other (note: that's a long time) and always ultimately decided against it as we were already busy enough. That all changed in the later days of 2024 when we finally took the plunge and bought the game on Steam, a bundle containing all of the expansions for the game as well as a free 30 day subscription.

There are no two ways about it, Final Fantasy XI is extremely antiquated. In fact it's a game so old that it was released before Squaresoft even became Square-Enix. Setup of the game's PlayOnline launcher, notoriously referred to as 'the first boss of the game', is a pain and can alone filter out many looking to experience the game proper and we admittedly ran into a snag or two that at first did not look good for our future with it. But managing to make it through the initial hurdles was rewarded almost immediately precisely because the game is so antiquated. The PlayOnline launcher is a living fossil reminiscent of an earlier, intermediary intersection of culture and technology - a less connected world without social media or smartphones. Built-in mail services, profiles with information sections like hobbies, 129 pages of selectable avatars many of which from then-contemporary Square games such as Threads of Fate (1999), Ehrgeiz (1998) and Brave Fencer Musashi (1998) as well as other Final Fantasy games. It presents a shared language and collective frame of reference for culture of the era with the inclusion of some of those games that are now functionally extinct.

The PlayOnline launcher feels like walking the hallowed halls of not just a museum, but a genuine slice of time rather than a recreation or kayfabed reenactment. It feels like walking through a time portal directly to the transitional period between web 1.0 and 2.0. Absolutely remarkable to the point that I felt speechless fiddling around in its menus, its ability to remain untouched by modernization is nothing short of astounding. They say that you can never truly get your childhood back but the PlayOnline launcher feels like it manages to genuinely capture the way the world, and indeed the way we, were at the time. Like returning home after two-plus decades away only to discover everything is exactly the same as you left it.

There's a real sense of peace, wonder and belonging unlike much I've ever felt before. It was like spotting land from ocean and I was simply overcome with emotion. Overcome with the sudden acute awareness of loss, and having managed to regain some of what was lost. Overcome with the feeling of many people, each with their own lives as complex as my own, having tread these same halls over the course of what was now decades. Fiddling around with the launcher was genuinely one of the most surreal and vivid experiences of my life. And the absolute whirlwind of nostalgia wasn't through with me yet, the opening scene of the game featuring the iconic Uematsu-composed Prelude and narration by the actor who first made me want to get into the arts in Michael McConnohie. The game's English cast in general features many actors who defined that generation of voice acting and adds to the overall feeling of being a moment trapped in time.

Players are able to create one singular character (with the option to purchase more character creation slots for an additional fee), selecting from different playable races with their own distinct physical features, stat advantages and disadvantages. Character creation is rather limited by current standards, with each playable race having two 'genders', each having a number of preset faces and hairstyles. You are able to alter your character's height, but that is all the player can do in terms of customization beyond selecting preset faces and hairstyles, which are themselves tied to each other. The playable races are by and large the same initial races available in Final Fantasy XIV, though I find the Mithra preferable to XIV's Miqo'te as they're a bit more bestial and less anime catgirl. Much of the aesthetic is also rather similar to XIV, with plenty of recurring gear visuals recycled into XIV (along with plenty of monsters), though some of the cloth armor is more elaborate and creative as opposed to XIV's deluge of generic healer robes you will be inundated with. After creating your character you select one of three nations to hail from, each with their own storyline that ultimately converges by the time the final battle of the base game rolls around.

Larsa and I (playing Mithra and Tarutaru, respectively) embarked on Windurst's story, and the antiquated nature of the game is felt pretty much immediately. There are no quest markers and very little information about where to go or what to do, or even how. You will be thrown right into the deep end and expected to find your own way and make your own adventure. Maps are invaluable items able to be purchased by players for most of the game's expansive and sometimes rather empty areas, otherwise they will be flying blind. Which can be very troublesome but helps the overall feeling of an adventure being undertaken. It helps you connect more with the world and learn where things are. Roughly the first thirty hours of gameplay was spent exclusively on leveling our characters, figuring out the battle system and exploring, without nearly a single story scene due to focusing on experiencing the game naturally rather than following one of countless sometimes variously outdated guide.

On that front, the gameplay is certainly of a very slow pace for better or worse. Battles are menu-based like classic Final Fantasy games as opposed to the more modern action game style, and players' main form of damage in combat will be through auto attacks against creatures that for the first time appear in the world rather than as separate random encounters one loads into. These auto attacks can be quite quick (with some of the quicker classes being able to land more than one blow per attack) although some weapons will attack significantly slower. Actions taken during battle charge a TP meter that the player will be able to spend on 'weaponskills', damaging named attacks with their own built-in typing that can react to and resonate with other weaponskills resulting in an even more damaging 'skillchain', itself being further able to be paired with a magic spell for a 'magic burst' that applies even more escalating damage.

Figuring this system out is fun and can considerably speed up combat, and is another area in which the game encourages experimentation, rewarding those willing to invest time in tinkering with the game's six basic jobs (the player is able to freely swap to any of these basic jobs, and later the many advanced jobs as they are unlocked, in their housing) and multitude of available weapon types. Jobs are additionally able to be expanded through combination, assigning another unlocked job as a sub job that grants you access to that job's abilities, stats and gear in addition to those of your main job.

The pace of the game being rather slow works in its favor in regards to how its multitude of mechanics function together. It feels like every single action and event matters. Status effects such as poisoning, silencing and blinding can now turn the tide of battle one way or the other. MP, which the player uses primarily to cast spells, recovers extremely slowly and so their use of it must be carefully managed lest they be forced to literally sit down for minutes at a time to rest and recover. Items such as potions and ethers are incredibly valuable as a consequence of this. There is genuinely so much room for skill expression, planning and executing battles and it's very refreshing compared to many modern games.

The system itself, while deep and rewarding of knowledge, also has lots of little touches that help keep the experience from being excruciating. One example is the cursor memory effect that allows you to quickly recast spells and abilities as needed. Just as well in the years since release the game has seen the addition of the Trust system, an array of collectable NPC summons that scale to the player's level and fill multiple roles in the party that helps mitigate the declining playerbase and the large variance in levels and progress between the players that do still play.

These Trusts are able to be summoned at nearly any time and resummoned after falling in battle on a short timer, and they really help the experience of progressing through the game a ton. Speaking of timers and the overall pace of the game, it seems to be a recurring and somewhat intrusive element of the experience that you will likely have an opinion on one way or the other. On the one hand it makes actions matter tremendously, and on the other it can sometimes feel like every action including map traversal is stretched in hopes of milking players for subscription money.

Time gates themselves are not terribly uncommon to run into, with the quest that unlocks the samurai job featuring a several-hour real world wait associated with it that is wholly unnecessary. Final Fantasy XI is very much unafraid to make you spend your time with things like RNG drops for quests and conditional monster spawns. Some of this design philosophy also crept its way into the original version of Final Fantasy XIV, the notorious 1.0 that nearly spelled financial doom for Square-Enix after a turbulent period.

The base game's story scenes are few and far between, with a certain level of gravitas to the fade-to-black that comes with a cutscene due in part to that infrequency but just as much with how purposefully they are interspersed. The story itself is, at least at first, a bit simplistic and reminiscent of a rather vanilla Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Which works in the game's favor quite well as a platform for authentic and spontaneous adventure.

To that point, each job has roles to play in a party and depending on the situation you may find yourself in need of another player to help you through a particular challenge. While the majority of this can be mitigated through Trusts or clever uses of items such as Prism Powder to sneak by aggressive monsters, it is entirely possible for you to be stuck at various points if you don't already meet the qualifications or have another player on hand able to help you.

This was a particularly fascinating element of the experience to me and highlighted some of the ways in which culture has changed. While it is true that this is yet another way in which the experience can be stretched out, it hearkens back to some of the origins of the series in its obsession with Dungeons and Dragons. There are ample opportunities for 'hero moments', not all of which will be yours and yours alone. These days if we're holding the controller we want to feel like the hero at all times, but Final Fantasy XI is not afraid to give different people in your party the chance to shine at different times which very much feels in line with the tabletop roleplaying experience.

As a consequence of things taking so long it creates a real, genuine feeling of thankfulness for the players having their hero moments. The gratitude can really help forge some bonds among players which isn't necessarily something we collectively like doing anymore. Much of the design of the game facilitates a great sandbox for authentic adventure and is almost entirely player driven outside of the main story quest.

The sound design is also quite strong, with a strong team of composers including series veteran Nobuo Uematsu handling the game's staggering workload. There's a lot of standout songs, such as "Heavens Tower", but even those without direct experience with the game might be familiar with the Uematsu-composed "Ronfaure" which has been a fixture of live performances associated with the series at large for virtually as long as there have been such concerts. Plenty of nostalgic nods to previous games aurally help the game feel more connected to its predecessors as well, such as certain classifications of armor sounding identically to Final Fantasy IX party member Adelbert Steiner's armor when running.

The graphics variously hold up quite well. Character designs are largely strong (with many feeling right at home in this era of Square game) and much of the clothing design is pretty good as well, not featuring (to my knowledge) as many of the deviations that Final Fantasy XIV does with, for example, its recent 'streetwear' additions to the game. It's a rather cohesive aesthetic that looks somewhat like a cross between Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy XII. Geometry can be a bit blocky and skyboxes can be a bit splotchy, but there is still plenty in the way of beautiful vistas and cool sights to see even if they're roughly what a PS2 was capable of rendering (sometimes with great dips in frame rate on that system).

When launching the game it warns you to not play to the detriment of your real life, and when launching for the first time I assumed that a funny little quirk of when it was released and the relative unfamiliarity the world had with MMOs in a time before Blizzard's genre-defining World of Warcraft. This is not the case, and if the gameplay grabs you it is extremely easy to play for huge amounts of time without noticing it. We did not heed this warning and making our way through the base game took roughly 98 hours, mostly taking up just about all of our free time.

The game is also great about allowing the player to make lateral progress, which is to say grinding up various jobs to combine with each other, and not feeling like you've wasted your time despite making no forward progress through the game. It is shockingly addictive if the gameplay appeals to you. Final Fantasy XIV, clearly a spiritual successor of sorts to Final Fantasy XI, indeed recycles quite a bit of its predecessor but impressively many of the elements that do get rolled into XIV don't all necessarily feel like they've made their original incarnations irrelevant.

One particular highlight of the experience was the usage of a ferry that shuttles players between two locations in the world. Said boat's arrival must be waited for in real time, boarded and then rode for a trip that takes several minutes in real time. This ferry trip is not privately instanced and can see you bumping shoulders with other players also looking to make the trek aboard the ship. It was just one of many examples of the game design going to great lengths to encourage organic, player-driven sandboxy adventures where you're able to socialize rather easily.

Both games have tons to offer and there is plenty of reason to dip your toes into Final Fantasy XI to experience an incredible slice of history, all the more now with the Rhapsodies of Vana'diel storyline helping catch newer players up and Final Fantasy XIV featuring a crossover raid series with Final Fantasy XI. It is an incredibly large experience not meant to be pursued to 100% completion, so I urge you to pick your path carefully and divert only for what interests you, primarily for unlocking jobs to progress through the main story with. You will encounter plenty of outdated and dubious information on the internet for the game, with plenty of discussion dating back to 2007 being the last time things of a relevant nature were discussed in an easily findable way.

Vana'diel likely hasn't seen the last of Larsa and I, and I'm sure we'll resubscribe at some point to continue our adventure. Perhaps after reading some impressions of the experience in the current day you might decide take the plunge yourself. Rest assured, even now after all this time adventure indeed still courses through the veins of Vana'diel. And after all, hasn't adventure been what humanity has been chasing since time immemorial?

-- Ash

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oonajaeadira · 2 years ago

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Detected

Fandom: Merge Mansion / Tim Rockford

Pairing: Tim Rockford x f!reader

Reader: Adult female. No other physical descriptors; no use of y/n.

Rating: T. Fluff.

Warnings: Mention of serial killer that targets women.

Summary: Nobody sees you the way Tim does.

A/N: I dunno, I just had a hankering to write for Tim and looked down my list of tropes thinking I might be able to scratch the itch and accomplish a fic for my Year of Tropes at the same time. Something hit me in the right places for a little piece of sweetness, so here we go, with SECRET IDENTITY.

This is really fluffy. Like stupid fluffy. Moreso than my regular stuff. Just let me have my little trope. This one didn't go through a lot of draft revisions, it was just a fun little thot that needed out.

“Why don’t you take the afternoon off, Sunshine? Get some rest. You’ve been here ten days straight.”

Tim’s the only detective in the unit who talks to you directly, certainly the only one that doesn’t just call you ‘hon’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘girl.’ You’re pretty sure he’s probably the only one in the department that knows your name, but he rarely uses it.

That isn’t unusual. You’ve always been the quiet one, the mouse, the wallflower. It’s your superpower, being able to go unnoticed. You’ve never been reprimanded, never bad-talked, never held up as a bad example.

But then, neither do you often find yourself praised or called in for opinion. Never once have you been asked to join anyone for happy hour or coffee.

So many times you’ve been standing in a meeting room and not once been addressed. So many times you’ve overheard something that perhaps you shouldn’t have just because you were below anyone’s notice.

It bothered you so much more when you were younger. Not the case anymore.

You’ve learned to love your quiet life, shuffling around the records room, carefully tagging and bagging, filling out the document cards, compiling files, taking meticulous photos of items for court cases and detective scrutiny. Nobody comes looking for you, so you get to take your time, a kind of professional meditation. At least once a week you notice a detail on a piece of evidence that you might make known to one of the team. Usually this gets you a thanks, but more often times a brush off that ends in the detective later gaining the credit for the discovery.

Tim is different. Observant. He actually listens when you bring him something of interest and asks for your opinion or your second eye. He still does that thing where he puts the pictures of people and evidence you provide up on the wall and connects it with string. He will stare at that board for hours, getting up every now and then to pace, then turning the chair around to straddle it backwards so he can lean over the back and look again, hoping to find the one connection that the string can’t touch.

And yet, even when he’s concentrating this hard, he’s fully aware of his surroundings.

So much so that he even notices you’ve slipped into the room to stand behind him--you, who goes mostly unnoticed when standing in full view of most people.

When you don’t answer him, he turns his chin back over his shoulder, his sharp profile coming into relief against the organized mess of the illuminated case wall.

He’s so very handsome. And it’s a shame he doesn’t seem to know. Or care.

Snapping free of your musings, you finally answer. “Yeah, it’s been a busy week. I’ve still got the Murray case to document. There’s a lot of entries.”

Turning fully to look at you now, he takes his time formulating a new response. “That case is closed. There’s no hurry. You work too hard. It’s Saturday.”

You shrug and smile. “I like my job. And you're one to talk.” Nodding to the evidence wall, you step more fully into the room. “Any movement on this? Sure I can’t help you? Anything I can pull from archives?”

This is a tough one. There’s a lot of speculation as to the mangled bodies in the pictures. A new one found last night, a week old. The probability is high that there’s one club downtown that’s producing them all and a definite suspect, but the record’s clean. There’s no grounds for warrants.

He gives you one more thoughtful glance before turning back to his work. “Not unless you have anything that correlates this last one to Club 88 or to Mike Cross. But no. Thanks. Get out of here, live your life, be free. I’m gonna go grab an interview out at the pier but then I’ll be here all night.”

He’s hungry. You can see that look in his eyes, he’s close, he just needs that one connecting piece of evidence and he’ll empty the coffee pots in the breakroom tonight looking for one.

“You’re hungry, Detective Rockford. At least let me call in some takeout for you before I go? Lau’s number 22 with chicken, right?”

He simply nods. “Thanks, Sunshine.”

“You got it, Detective.”

—-

Your pager goes off two hours later.

Special case. Could use your help. Pier 13.

You’ve been waiting for the call.

Upon arriving home from the department, you’d closed your blinds and turned off the lights, pulled on the dark pants and long fitted coat, tucked your hair up under the black hood and pulled it low. Gloves. Boots. Plain and unassuming in this fall weather.

You’re able to walk out the back door of your apartment building and take a path through the alley as the sun is setting without anyone giving you a second glance.

The only piece of your disguise you truly need is the vocal changer mask, but that stays tucked in your coat pocket until you arrive at the pier.

Once you can smell the water, you take a moment to hide your face, your voice, and your identity under the dark, nondescript mask–a blank slate of void where a face should be–before stepping out of the alleys and making your way to pier 13 where Tim Rockford stands looking out over the harbor at the lights starting to come on over the bridge.

“What can I do for you, Detective?” The voice that grates out of your mask is low, warped, almost sultry.

Tim, for all his awareness, misses your entrance. This is the strength of your powers. Snapping out of his reverie, he spins to find you only feet away, your long coat fluttering in the breeze.

And an awed smile spreads across his face.

Tim is the only one on the force that smiles when you show up as the Shadow. The rest of the cops tend to startle, recoil, not understanding how you simply seem to appear out of the air, unfold from the shadows, melt into the darkness itself.

“Thanks for coming, Shadow,” he says, his trenchcoat joining in the fluttering conversation of overwear. Pulling a few pictures out of his pocket, he holds them out and you take them.

A new mangled body. A hurried photo of a man with light skin and dark hair and blue eyes. A blown-up scan of license plate. You recognize them from his evidence board but say nothing, letting him make the request.

He explains the supposed serial killings, the patterns, the suspect, the license plate that isn’t his but was caught on surveillance near a couple of the dumping grounds.

“I’m pretty sure it’s him,” he concludes, poking at the photo of Mike Cross, “but I’m lacking something damming.”

“You mean you're 100% sure it's him. You're a thorough man; wouldn't just jump to conclusions. And you want me to go hunting.”

“I’d rather you just go take a listen. I don’t really want you to put yourself in danger.”

It’s a good thing he can’t see you smile. Trust Tim Rockford to be the one detective that worries about the safety of the city’s resident secret, pacifist vigilante.

“I’m touched by your concern, Detective. But I haven’t been caught yet. Even if danger catches a glimpse of me, I’m very good at hiding.”

“I know. But it’s only a matter of time before somebody really sees you.” He smiles a little sadly. “I wish you wouldn’t hide from me. But I know why you do.”

It should be surprising–it’s not like him to cross this line–but instead, his statement warms you. Tim has always been grateful for the Shadow’s help, respectful, believed in your ability. But he’s also come to treat the Shadow as a friend. There’s something that tugs at your heart, knowing this dedicated, handsome, intelligent man truly trusts you but also respects and admires your limitations.

If only he knew how much you wish you could tell him, show him, let him know how much you admire him too.

He only blinks when you seem to melt into thin air, becoming one with the lengthening shadows.

_____

Club 88. The back alley. A black car belonging to Mike Cross. Nobody here to notice you but the rats as you duck around the back and inspect the bumper, find a magnetized plate cover hidden underneath that matches the photo in your pocket.

There’s the connection. Now for something that threads the needle.

_____

Maskless and hatless, you simply take up a serving tray and follow Mike Cross and a young pretty thing through the swinging “employees only” door and down a back corridor of the dark, thumping night club. Making yourself busy with empty bottles on the tray, you watch him pay a man and step into a private room with the girl. The man goes to find something else to do, nearly knocking your shoulder as he passes, as if you’re simply a tower of inventory boxes or a rogue tray of dirty dishes…or just some random hostess he doesn’t have time for.

Easy.

You’re able to enter the dimmed room under the guise of bringing in bottle service. The couple doesn’t even notice you while they make out on the couch in the VIP lounge. You simply dip your hand into the pocket of the jacket he’s left on a chair and lift his wallet.

Might as well take the gun that’s there too. Just in case.

Time to get moving while he’s distracted.

_____

Using the address on the ID in his wallet, you make your way across town.

It’s easy enough to slip past the doorman. Unfortunately though, Mike’s apartment building has security cameras on every floor. This calls for a little distraction. Easy enough. All you need is the pad of paper and pen you carry in your pocket.

Knock on door 312. Explain you’re responding to a noise complaint in apartment 313. There is no apartment 313? That’s odd. Maybe it was apartment 311?

When the occupants of 311 and 312 speculate over the possibilities–which apartment was the loud one? Who called in the complaint? They bet it was 211 down there, what a bitch….

It’s just enough time for you to use your jiggler key to work open the lock for Mike’s apartment and slip inside. Not only have they seemed to forgotten about you, but if anyone ever plays back the security tapes, their eyes will just slide right over you and concentrate on the gossiping neighbors in the hall.

Mike’s apartment is clean and sparse. By the looks of the set up of the living room, he likes to sit in the center of the couch, put his feet up on the coffee table while he drinks his beer (water ring stains on the veneer top) and watches tv. Not much on the walls. Books on the bookshelf, but no knicknacks.

You don’t know what you’re looking for yet, but you’ll know it when you find it.

There are a few places you start. The drawers in the kitchen. The freezer. The bedside table. Shelves in the closet. Medicine cabinet. Somewhere you'd stash something unassuming but precious but that you don't want anyone else to come across and ask questions.

But it’s as you pass back out through the bedroom, and lightly push the door open a bit wider that you hear a clinking and tapping on the other side.

There, hanging off a hook on the back of the bedroom door, is a silver chain.

With five women’s rings on it.

Yahtzee.

You snap a few photos with your phone before moving through the apartment again, looking for anything else, just in case your first instincts were wrong.

But your instincts are very rarely wrong.

Criminals love trophies. Little keepsakes of their thrills. Look for a collection of something that seems out of place and you’ve probably found your clue.

You’re just about to call it good and head out when you hear a key turning in the lock.

No need to panic, you’ve got this.

As Mike enters and kicks off his shoes before making his way to the bathroom, all you have to do is stand silently beside the far side of the bookshelf.

He doesn’t even turn on the light. Even easier.

Once the bathroom door closes, you’re able to silently slip out.

“It’s only a matter of time before somebody really sees you.”

Doubtful, Tim. But I wish I could tell you how sweet your concern is.

____

True to form, Tim’s is one of the only lights burning at the office when you slide through the department well after midnight.

It’s not often that you show up here as the Shadow, but you make sure it’s only at night when most of the lights are out. Even if you’re seen engaging with one of them, the detectives all know to look the other way and not to ask questions when someone on the force has requested your services.

They see nothing, and say less.

When you get to the back offices, you have to stop for a moment in the shadows and take in the scene.

Tim’s here in the dim room, standing at a desk full of evidence bags. The one with the knife in it lays on a lightbox, the glow of which reaches up to caress his face, dragging at his cheeks and the bags under his eyes, his brow and bottom lip succumbing to the pull of contemplation.

You have to wonder if the detective has any joys outside of his work, if he reads or paints, if he’s into woodworking or collecting memorabilia. You often find yourself wishing you had the means to learn more about him and find yourself watching him from across the office as if you could read it in the stretch of his aching neck, in the hunch of his gun-holstered shoulders.

But you’ve grown used to your quiet life. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if someone else actually paid you enough attention to let you into their life–

“What have you got for me?” he asks, and you flinch. He hadn’t even turned around.

“Plenty," you rasp through the voice modulator. "How did you know I was here?”

“I always notice you,” he says. “And I could ask you the same thing.”

“Where else would you be?”

“I have a home.”

“Do you ever go there?”

He laughs and finally turns. “Yeah, not lately.”

Emerging from the darkness, you hand him a few photos you ran off from your phone at home, knowing he'd appreciate the analog. There's the plate cover. The ID. The chain of rings. You also hand over the gun you pinched. “Just in case you need to run a match on any casings.”

It’s here that Tim’s look grows sour. “You took this off him?” Then he tilts his head, scanning the photos. “This one…taken inside his house?”

“Yes. Most likely a collection of his trophies–”

“You went into his house??”

His intensity stops you. Something’s….wrong. “It was necessary. I wasn’t seen.”

“I told you, nothing dangerous. What if he’d come home?”

“He did.” This gains an unprecedented look of alarm from the otherwise calm and calculated man. “I told you, Detective, I wasn’t seen. I never am. That’s what I do.”

“That’s not the point, Sunshine. He murders women and dumps their bodies. This is different from the drug smugglers and counterfeit runners you usually surveil…”

He stops, registering what he just said only a couple of seconds after you do, a calm sigh of regret washing over him before being replaced by the bloom of concern.

You could choose to ignore it.

But it's useless. Tim would never let an assumption take hold as truth unless he had absolute proof. He’s the best. The best of the best and doesn’t even know it. So long you’ve wished to tell him, to make him see what you see in him, but it would mean opening yourself, becoming visible, being seen.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is your superpower, this anonymity, this blurring at the edges, this void of connection…

And you should back away when he approaches.

But you don't want to.

Nor do you dodge as he slowly reaches up to remove your mask. Your hood. Fits his palm to your jaw and runs the length of a cheekbone with his thumb. “It doesn’t work on everyone, Sunshine. Not if they really want to see you.”

As his warm, weary brown eyes find yours, two thick, generous tears spill down your cheeks, two surprising hot spikes of your heart right there on your face. It’s like being thrust underwater without the chance to take a breath, the panic of suddenly being the center of someone’s attention, and you gasp for air only to release a sob, slapping both hands to your face in embarrassment.

Tim doesn’t pry your hands away, he merely runs a knuckle over one as if to say, hey, you’re still hiding.

And you realize that you are.

When you finally don’t have to be.

When you lower your guard, he’s waiting there patiently to welcome you back.

“You okay?” he asks, handing you a napkin for your tears.

Nodding, you take it and use it quietly before swallowing, trying to steady a voice out in the open. “What now?”

He looks pointedly over at his desk and gestures for you to head over there. “I thought maybe we’d start with dinner. I figured you'd come by.”

There are two Chinese takeout boxes on the blotter, both bearing a code in black ink.

22C. His standard.

Lucky13. Your favorite. With the sauces on the side, just like you like it.

Speechless, you look at him in awe. You do see me.

And he tucks his hands in his pockets, softening back at you with a look that can only be described as Yeah.

_____

In the following days you’re able to hunt down photos of the killer’s victims that clearly display their hands and the rings that you found in his apartment.

Undercover targets are planted in the club to entice Mike Cross, and sure enough, he takes one to the back room, pays for privacy, extra for a later cleanup, but gets caught with his fingers around her throat as a whole squad breaks down the door to take him into custody.

There’s no doubt he will never see the outside of a prison again.

Club 88 is shut down and a long investigation into its ownership and practices begin. The Shadow is called in by the investigating team for your fly-on-the-wall services and at first you’re afraid that perhaps, now that you’ve been seen, that the shine of your powers has dimmed or–to be more precise–a newfound confidence makes you even brighter than before.

On the contrary, you’ve never felt more powerful or more in control of your abilities.

Perhaps because the one person who can detect your sunshine also pours pride into your shadow.

Or maybe it’s the regular diet of Lucky Number 13 and a new morning view these days. Who’s to say?

____

MASTERLIST

CHARACTER MASTERLIST

#merge mansion fanfiction #tim rockford #tim rockford x reader #tim rockford x f!reader #year of tropes

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queereads-bracket · 14 days ago

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Queer Historical Fiction Book Bracket: Round 1A

Book summaries and submitted endorsements below:

Mortal Follies by Alexis Hall (Mortal Follies #1)

Endorsement from submitter: "Female byronic love interest!! Little bit kinky!! Narrated by Puck from Midsummer Night's Dream!!"

A young noblewoman must pair up with a rumoured witch to ward off a curse.

It is the year 1814 and life for a young lady of good breeding has many difficulties. There are balls to attend, fashions to follow, marriages to consider and, of course, the tiny complication of existing in a world swarming with fairy spirits, interfering deities, and actual straight-up sorcerers.

Miss Maelys Mitchelmore finds her entry into high society hindered by an irritating curse. It begins innocuously enough with her dress slowly unmaking itself over the course of an evening at a high-profile ball, a scandal she narrowly manages to escape.

However, as the curse progresses to more fatal proportions, Miss Mitchelmore must seek out aid, even if it means mixing with undesirable company. And there are few less desirable than Lady Georgianna Landrake—a brooding, alluring young woman sardonically nicknamed “the Duke of Annadale”—who may or may not have murdered her own father and brothers to inherit their fortune. If one is to believe the gossip, she might be some kind of malign enchantress. Then again, a malign enchantress might be exactly what Miss Mitchelmore needs.

With the Duke’s help, Miss Mitchelmore delves into a world of angry gods and vindictive magic, keen to unmask the perpetrator of these otherworldly attacks. But Miss Mitchelmore’s reputation is not the only thing at risk in spending time with her new ally. For the rumoured witch has her own secrets that may prove dangerous to Miss Mitchelmore’s heart—not to mention her life.

Setting: Regency England (1814)

Historical fiction, fantasy, romance, humor, Regency, 1810s, adult

Magic in Manhattan series (Spellbound, Starcrossed, Wonderstruck) by Allie Therin

To save Manhattan, they’ll have to save each other first…

New York, 1925

Arthur Kenzie’s life’s work is protecting the world from the supernatural relics that could destroy it. When an amulet with the power to control the tides is shipped to New York, he must intercept it before it can be used to devastating effects. This time, in order to succeed, he needs a powerful psychometric…and the only one available has sworn off his abilities altogether.

Rory Brodigan’s gift comes with great risk. To protect himself, he’s become a recluse, redirecting his magic to find counterfeit antiques. But with the city’s fate hanging in the balance, he can’t force himself to say no.

Being with Arthur is dangerous, but Rory’s ever-growing attraction to him begins to make him brave. And as Arthur coaxes him out of seclusion, a magical and emotional bond begins to form. One that proves impossible to break—even when Arthur sacrifices himself to keep Rory safe and Rory must risk everything to save him.

Setting: 1920s New York

Historical fiction, fantasy, romance, adventure, 1920s, series, adult

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yourradioboi · 1 month ago

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Diary Entry #03 Dear [email protected]/1/25....

I really miss all of my friends. You see, my parents have restricted me from seeing my friends. Frankly, I'm not so sure as to why they don't want me to see my friends...? My mother has chosen not to talk to me about anything in relation to the actual problem that is forming in our relationship. I'm not quite sure why my mother and father treat me differently than everyone else in my family. No, I have no interest in playing the role of 'the hopeless misunderstood child.'

This isn't a movie, and I'm not the main character, I'm not the side character, I'm not even the actor passing by on screen for the past ten seconds of film. I'm a person. Right now, I'm just typing the facts and hoping someone on here will relate and know that they are valued. No matter what relationship you may have with someone who was supposed to do better.

I love both my parents. They always tell me they do too, but now, I'm having a hard time believing them. If they love me, why do they hate my best friend? Why do they always dismiss my mental health problems in less it's psychically hurting me? Why do they choose to care and listen to all of my siblings except for me? They care about my siblings' perspectives and opinions, why are mine always dismissed as "nonsense."? Am I.....Not speaking clearly enough for you?

Last week, they told me I had to act like an adult when I talk to them. In my head, I was thinking the same thing. You see, my parents are very immature people, I've come to realize. They tend to avoid all conflict as much as possible. As if stuffing the problem into the closet will make all of the issues disappear. As they're child, I should not have to always be the one to initiate all important conversations that have to be discussed.

They have not particularly mentioned how they feel about my other friends, just one of them. Which just so happens to be the best friend I've known and connected with the longest. I don't have the words or the time to even start to explain how much I love this friend. They have changed my life in so many ways. They have always been there for me, even at my worst, and I've done likewise. Our relationship is more than friends but less than lovers. Haha. The thought of us ever being lovers makes me laugh. Firstly, because she is lesbian, and I am a boy, and secondly, we would most likely break up after only a week of dating. Would you believe me if I were to tell you that only a year ago, I was literally crazy in love with her? :/

Like, seriously, what was wrong with me? I mean, the probability of me ever being able to be with her was already impossible with the number of people who also had a crush on her. She's beautiful, bold, confident, she's sweet, but only people who have known her on the level I do would admit that. My family, specifically my parents, have always seemed to love her. She has been through so much with me. We do literally everything together. After she got kicked out of school, that has sort of faded a bit. Which makes me sad.

Whatever dumb family event we had going on, she would be there. Whenever I was bored out of my mind, they would be here, with me. Whenever I had a new idea, I would share it with her, and they would tell me their ideas too. And I would listen. She could listen to me for hours, and I could listen to them for hours.

My favorite memory of them is in September. It was my mother's birthday, and my mom wanted to go get breakfast somewhere, then go out and walk next to the meadow of flowers. That sounds so simple, I know. Right? But something about that day made me so happy. I saw her in that field of yellow flowers, and she was smiling. She was smiling and laughing, and I knew then that I wanted to be her best friend forever. She's such a free spirit. Maybe that makes her stupid; if that's true, then I'm stupid as well.

But maybe....that's what makes her special. She doesn't care what people think. There is something so powerful in that. It's powerful because so many people nowadays build their whole lives around somebody else's opinions of them. That sounds so miserable when I put it like that, doesn't it? That's because so many people don't want it to be true, and they don't want to admit how much that is true.

signing [email protected]/1/25 10:16 PM

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crow-caller · 9 months ago

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A lot of terrible ideas have a nugget of a good idea in them. Of the terrible books you've read, which one stands out as the most, "if someone less insane and better at writing got a hold of this idea, it could be quite good"?

There's few books I've covered which I don't think this about! The more bombastic failures often are the ones I see more potential, as opposed to more commonplace sucking (we can't improve hush hush. let's just leave it)

REAPER'S CREEK! It haunts me how much potential there is to explore what the book almost does: what if you were 12, abused, and learned you could rewrite all of existence to be anything you wanted? That's the premise of the book, and it serves as a clear power fantasy for the author I'm not sure he ever separated himself from. The odd choices later made by the god-kid protagonist reflect the fact he Can't grow up- there's absolute horror there. He can have everything he wants, forever: how is he meant to grow or mature? He accidentally removes his mother's eyes and makes her love him anyway. He maybe forces a girl he has a crush on to love him. He removes his best friend's free will. The book (unfortunately) deserves more credit than I think it gets for engaging with these themes at all, but it does it so badly when it could be really good. Child abuse as a cudgel which traps someone perpetually in childhood even when it becomes detrimental to them becoming an adult

PERFECTED! A book about human pets is a really good idea and that's why it has existed before and will again. There's so many angles to explore this, whether it be the personhood of the inhuman or the dehumanization of the oppressed. The culture and history of how this becomes normalized could be fascinating social commentary. You could let Missy live. This one you'd need to scrap like, the entire plot and most of the concept, but you could still stick to the 'wealthy luxury humanoid pets for the mega-elite raised to know no other life' basis.

TENDER IS THE FLESH This is my most controversial review and look, I wish I'd gone into more detail too, but I still don't like the book. But it's obviously a great concept, like Perfected, about a world where eating human flesh has become normalized. Tender just really failed to execute the deeper themes of capitalism and dehumanization in my opinion but the concept is very solid. This is why it's a concept that exists in many other pieces of media. We love cannibalism.

THE COMMAND MENT! Okay, again we would be doing such radical change it wouldn't be the same thing, but the idea of 'we proved god is real so we invented a vaccine to keep his influence out of our brains' is really really funny and could be interesting. This could probably happen in FL.

FALLEN! The rare 'very generic para-ro' entry, but Fallen actually has potential it nearly explores about reincarnation horror. I've been really into the idea of a para-ro twist based on Fallen, where someone learns they're the reincarnated true love of an angel, destined to meet and be together... but then realizes (as she does in the book!) every time the angel meets her, he causes her death, usually at age 16. Suddenly his pledges to be together, the fact he remembers when she doesn't, becomes sinister. he loves her so much he can't stop killing her.

#sometimes theres asks

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choicesmonthlychallenge · 1 year ago

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Choices March Challenge 2024

I asked and you answered. It seems like flowers and spring are prompts you are interested in for the March Challenge!

I hope you enjoy the prompts I chose. There is a mix of flowers, spring related words, March holidays, dialogue prompts, and visual floral prompts. I also posted some floral dividers that you're welcome to use.

Have Fun + Happy Creating!

Prompts + Guidelines below the cut!

Flowers (these are some possibilities, but all flowers are accepted)

Bleeding Heart Flower

Carnation

Chrysanthemum

Coneflower

Corpse Flower

Daffodil

Daisy

Gladiolus

Hydrangea

Iris

Jade Vine

Lavender

Lilac

Lily

Marigold

Moonflower

Nightshade

Orchid

Pansy

Peony

Poppy

Rose

Snapdragon

Sunflower

Tulip

Wildflowers

Spring

Awakening

Baby animals

Butterflies

Clear skies

Daylight saving

Fresh air

Growth

New Life

Outdoor activities + sports

Picnics

Rain boots

Rainy days

Renewal

Spring cleaning

Sunny weather

Warm temperatures

Longer days

Umbrella

March Holidays (these are some possibilities, but all March Holidays are accepted)

March 01: National Peanut Butter Lover's Day

March 08: International Women's Day

March 09: National Barbie Day + Get over it Day

March 11: National Napping Day

March 15: The Ides of March

March 16: National Panda Day

March 17: St. Patrick's Day

March 18: Awkward Moments Day

March19: First day of spring

March 23: National Puppy Day

March 30: National Take a Walk in the Park Day + Doctors' Day

March 31: Easter

Dialogue Prompts

"The flowers in the park seem to have a secret language, don't they?"

"Why does every spring bring back memories of that garden?"

"I can't believe you kept that secret from me all these years."

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn?"

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"Do you believe in second chances?"

"I thought we were in this together."

"You're not the person I thought you were."

"Sometimes silence speaks louder than words."

"Is it too late to start over?"

"I don't know who I am anymore."

"We're running out of time."

"Why are you really here?"

"Your laughter is my favorite melody."

"If our love story were a book, every page would be filled with the softest words and the sweetest kisses. What chapter are we on now?"

“Will you please shut up”

“Of all the things i love about you, this is my favorite.”

Visual Prompts:

If one of these inspire a creative work from you feel free to use it. You can list the prompt topic + # (ie: Rainbow 3)

Guidelines + Rules

Submitted works will be featured on a weekly masterlist

Every form of creative work can be submitted: fanfiction, drabbles, moodboards, edits, drawings, poems, songs, sketches, and more—all are welcomed.

Work from any book and story from the Choices (and Pixelberry) universe are welcome (new and old alike)!

You can participate as many times as you want during the month

Clearly list the prompt your used

You can combine submissions for this event and others

Please add a cut to avoid long posts and exposing other fans to triggering/disturbing content.

If your work is NS*W please label it as such and use appropriate warnings. Adult content should be hidden under the page break.

You can get creative with the prompts. It can be a variation of the word and/or concept. It doesn’t have to be exact or literal. If the word inspires a train of thought that led you to something different, put that in the notes and send it in! Have fun with it! Make them work for you! The ultimate goal is just to find joy in creating!

Please tag @choicesmonthlychallenge and if you’d like to add me you can do so as well~ @lovealexhunt (feel free to DM me your work too since Tumblr tags are fickle)

Please do not submit work that has been created with AI. Works that contain AI will not be reblogged. If reblogged inadvertently and I find out they have AI, they will be deleted.

Late entries will be accepted through April 5

#choices #choices game #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices monthly challenge #choices march challenge #choices march challenge 2024 #choices monthly challenge 2024 #march2024

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lucky-katebishop · 10 months ago

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So I'm back to reading Robin 1993 comics after a few good months! Here are some of my favorite screenshots I took from issues 38-45 :D

Stephanie's internal monologue being depicted as diary entries are so cute! I think it's so innovative!

Batman has no fun :(

Tim wants to be Chandler Bing SO bad...

Ari's cliche teenage door signs I like to believe she either got ironically or her uncle got those for her because he saw them and thought "ah, yes, teenagers have signs like these"

I think Tim and Steph's relationship is really interesting in the early comics. Tim has so many problems as Tim and when he's Robin, he's able to shed his insecurities and problems and become someone that's confident. He refers a lot to his civilian life as Tim's and his superhero life as Robin's- they're separated because it makes it easier to compartmentalize, but it also helps him escape his troubles. Although these lines blur a lot- like when he stalks after Ives as Robin in these issues to see why Ives is skipping school and showing up with bruises. But I also see that Tim is able to be more confident as Robin because there's less emotional vulnerability- he's hiding a very important aspect of himself away. And during these issues, he's gotten in trouble with his dad and Ari's uncle and no one is listening to him, so I understand why he prefers to go out as Robin since it gives him a certain credibility amongst adults that would normally ignore him. What's interesting is that he recognizes that his separation of his lives is difficult, but he can't stop doing it.

Stephanie and Tim's relationship is skewed and their relationship exists with several different power balances. She makes him off kilter with her confidence, but he makes her off kilter by knowing her civilian name and referring her as that even in the heat of battle. He knows a lot about her (including her identity) but she doesn't know anything about him other than she's able to fluster him and tease him a lot. And I think that's part of the reason why Tim likes her so much- (besides being attracted to her and of her ability to keep up with him in their vigilante identities) but also he can hide his emotional vulnerability from her because he's constantly wearing a mask. She doesn't know anything about him- he's not an awkward teenager who often says the wrong thing and gets himself into trouble. He's not someone who adults ignore or straight up antagonize- when he's Robin, when he's with her, he's someone important. He's a hero. But he's not being inherently honest with her.

Some cute Tim/Steph screenshots :) -- (I do like them a lot, even though Tim's being annoying and cheating on Ari with her)

I haven't read Superboy yet but... this is Kon, right? Steph has a poster of Kon in her room? (If it's not him, please let me know!)

LOVE her outfit- I adore that we're seeing more of Steph in these issues.

Tim's love of Crocky <3 <3 <3 (he was fighting for his life with Alfred during this issue)

No one:

Tim: :D

Here's some appreciative animal screenshots

Dana Winters Appreciation Screenshot :)

Great parenting Jack...

I am so sick of this character. Why did Dixon keep putting him in here ugh

I-

Alright thanks for getting this far if you did! I'm back reading comics so here's to more of this silly little series! :D

#tim drake #ruth reads comics #my posts #stephanie brown #dana winters #jack drake #dc #comics #timothy drake #robin #batman #batfam

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hezekiahwakely · 1 year ago

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After spending literally multiple days and nights listening to hours of new music, here are my thoughts on what the Protocol playlists might tell us about the characters. I'm gonna break it down by large themes and I'm putting it under a read more bc I don't know how to not ramble about this. its SO MUCH

Gwendolyn Bouchard 👁️

Hers is the most self-explanatory. Girlboss is girlbossing and paying for it. But I did pick up several nuances.

Gwen is: Cold, power-hungry, and ambitious (you should see me in a crown, Are You Satisfied?, Severance theme). Suffering from her own hubris (Oh No!, Gasoline). Resentful and envious, especially about family, wealth, and power (Family Jewels, 24 hours, Warriors). Touching the dark and being supernaturally influenced (Mr. Bonzo theme, Evil Eye, We Don't Talk About Bruno, Making Love to the Dead).

Special mention to the 'daddy's money' reference in 24 hours.

Samama Khalid 😶‍🌫️

Sam makes ridiculously long playlists, like me, so this entry is gonna be long, but the emotional vibes were pretty easy to pick out once I got through it.

Sam is: Straight chillin' to some lo-fi beats, desi hip hop, and melodic bops (literally too many to list but, Remind Me, Forgive the Mess, 93 'Til Infinity, Magpie, Fire Sale, Iniesta Flow, I Guess, Prarthana, Hai Hai, etc., etc.). Rebellious (The Adults Are Talking, Reptilia). Bonded with someone (Halo Flip, soulboy). Yearning, romantic, and playful (Girl Like You, Mr. Sandman, New House, Meteor, You Only Live Once, Be Your Girl, Dear Jean, Say The Word, My Girl/Hey Girl, Smiley, The Real Sugar). Reminiscing about a break-up (Oui, Afterparty Lover, Last Nite, Stick Season, Turn off the Lights, Jessie (i miss you), WONDERING, Afterthought, I Love You, I'm Trying). Full of regrets, pain, and melancholy bitterness (Seasons, Can't Call It, Let It Go, nightmares, Pretty Insane, different tomorrow..., Cigarette Daydreams, CABIN FEVER, Self destruct, Go Back, Stuck Here With Me, Bliss City). Alienated, yet wanting to be alone (uh-oh) (Creep, Alone, Stone cold., Paint it, Black).

Special shout-out to all the implications about the old Sam/Alice relationship. And I'm especially worried by the potential meanings of Downside Up, Let It Go, Go Back, and Stuck Here With Me.

Also, interesting that there's a lyric-free track just called 'drained' at the end of his playlist. I'm sure that's fine.

Alice Dyer 🌀

Oh my girl. What is going on with you. She has impeccable and predictable taste, at least. But... then there's the Ominous Implications again...

Alice is: Rebellious, anarchic, and irreverent (Underclass Hero, Toxicity, Tribute, Buddy Holly, Dragostea din tei, Feel Good Inc., Piss Off, Rebel Rebel, Ghost Town, Brimful of Asha, Surrender, Uncle Walter, United States of Whatever). Blasting high-confidence power anthems (Material Girl, Therefore I Am, Jump, Bad Reputation, The Middle). Depressed behind a mask of high energy and false cheeriness (SugarCrash!, Mad World, Bathroom Floor). Yearning after someone's love (A.M. 180, Zombie Love Song, Nearer Than Heaven, Save Tonight, Ms. California, Because I Love You, Fell In Love With A Girl, Take Me Out). Reminiscing about a break-up (Ciao!, Built This Way, Kidz 'N' Stuff, FRIENDS, Free Fallin', Not In Love, Who Knew, Song for the Dumped, When It All Falls Apart, Laid, Complicated). Feeling crazy and overwhelmed (uh-oh) (Basket Case, In Too Deep, Bonkers, I'm A Robot, Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, 19-2000, Wonderland, High, Undone, Cosmic Castaway). Creeped out and brushing up against the supernatural (Walking On Air, The Blue Wrath, Pet Sematary).

Oooh. Oh, the implications. The Sam/Alice break-up. The potential for feelings that remain. I HAVE to know what happened between them.

Also, here are some select lines from five Alice songs presented without comment: "Yeah, I'm a zombie, baby," "I'm a robot, I'm a robot/I don't have any feeling in my heart," "I don't wanna be buried in a Pet Sematary/I don't want to live my life again," "Take me down, six underground/The ground beneath your feet," "Walking like a zombie, like a zombie."

I'm sure that's all fine.

Celia Ripley 🕸️

The most mysterious new member of the OIAR, her music choices are appropriately enigmatic. The Vibes make me excited to see what she's hiding under the surface.

Celia is: Raring for a fight (Seven Nation Army, Rumble, know your place, Run from Me). Fed up with the system (Blood//Water, Run You). Bold, sexy, headstrong, and self-confident (Creature, Took A Trip, River, Do It For Me, Aerials, Uber). Struggling against supernatural influence, feeling trapped and helpless (Mama! There's a Spider in My Room, Where Is My Mind?, I Feel Like I'm Drowning, Closer, Space Dementia, Rain)

So we've all but confirmed the theory that she's from the OG Archives timeline and that she has continuing ties to the Web from passing through Hill Top Road. I think we have hints here that she's manipulating the others, but I also think there are signs that she's fighting her own battle against an evil trying to take her. There also seems to be an overarching theme of water in many of her songs for some reason 🤔

I can't wait to get more of Celia. Even if she is lying, I'm rooting for her (<hoping this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass)

In conclusion, I love them all already your honor, and I want to thank the cast for putting such loving care into crafting these for us. Thank you for such great food to feed our wild theorizing.

#i think i had the most fun listening to hindi rap for the first time #theres just something about following the flow and beat when you cant understand the language. its really fun #sort sort i love to arbitrarily sort #also i assumed these were songs /about/ the characters and not under the conceit that these are songs the characters are listening to #just play in this space with me #tmagp #the magnus protocol #gwendolyn bouchard #gwen bouchard #alice dyer #samama khalid #sam khalid #celia ripley #tmagp theory #also i started writing this a few weeks ago and since then ive been listening to KR$NA obsessively lol. thank you Shahan

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gallifreyinstituteforlearning · 4 months ago

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How would a half Time Lord half human person be accepted on Gallifrey? How would they be treated if they went to Gallifrey later in life instead of being born there? Would they be allowed to attend the Academy even if they’re older than eight? How would their Chapter/College be chosen? Would they even be allowed on Gallifrey?

How would a hybrid fit in on Gallifrey?

Like most things Gallifrey, the answer depends entirely on the era. Gallifrey has experienced different social, political, and cultural shifts over time, meaning a hybrid's experience could range from mild curiosity to outright exile. Since the Gallifreyan Institute for Learning (GIL) exists in a timeless void of potential, we can observe all of these perspectives at once.

Key Eras for Reference:

🕰️ Pre-Classical/Classical Era → The Doctor's childhood to 8th life. (Strict isolationism.)

🔥 Pre-War / Time War Era → Before and during the Time War. (More open, then regressive again.)

❓ Post-War → After the Time War. (Unknown, because Gallifrey keeps dying.)

🏛️ A Hybrid on Gallifrey

🕰️ Classical Era (Isolationist & Strict Traditionalism)

Gallifrey was closed off to almost all non-Gallifreyans. The concept of "off-worlders" was actively discouraged. That said:

There are rumours of hybrids who lived among Gallifreyans, attended the Chapter Academies, and took the Time Academy entrance exam like any other student.

Latecomers past the age of 8 are unlikely—but not impossible. Large donations or well-placed political influence might have secured an exception, but there are no confirmed cases.

🔥 Pre-War / Time War Era (More Open, Then Closed Again)

Particularly under Romana's leadership, Gallifrey became more open, and some hybrids and off-worlders were granted citizenship.

Attending the Time Academy as a non-Gallifreyan adult was permitted during Romana's reign.

However. once Romana lost power, traditionalist leadership cracked down, and many of these privileges disappeared.

❓ Post-War Era (Completely Unknown)

We don't know what policies were in place during the brief period after Rassilon was removed (but before Gallifrey was destroyed again).

If Gallifrey ever resurfaces, hybrid acceptance could go either way.

🏛️ How Would Their Chapter / College Be Chosen?

A hybrid's Chapter placement depends on House association, influence, funding, and the Time Academy entrance exam.

Attending the Time Academy isn't free—without personal wealth or financial backing from a House, a hybrid would struggle to gain entry. Money, influence, or sponsorship are just as important as raw intelligence when securing a place.

👨‍👩‍👦 Born into a House → If their Gallifreyan parent belongs to an established House, they may be accepted into that lineage. However, this is not automatic—acceptance is entirely at the House's discretion.

🏠 No House / Disassociated Parent → They would need to find a House willing to claim them. Influence, money, or political sponsorship might help secure a place.

🛑 Completely Houseless → It's not impossible to attend the Time Academy without a House, but you need extreme clout and financial backing to get in.

That being said, a House does not necessarily dictate Chapter placement.

Some Houses have deep-rooted affiliations with specific Chapters, but this is not universal.

The entrance exam plays a major role in placement for those without a direct Chapter link.

Some Gallifreyan Houses actively manipulate their Looms to produce offspring with traits suited to their preferred Chapter.

For womb-born hybrids, their genetic inheritance might naturally align them with their Gallifreyan parent’s Chapter—but this isn’t guaranteed. If their skills or personality traits don’t fit the Chapter’s standards, they may be placed elsewhere. And if they don’t end up in the Chapter associated with their House, their House may lose interest in them entirely.

🏫 So…

It depends on the era, their connections, and how good they/their parents are at playing the game.

🕰️ Classical Gallifrey: Nearly impossible—but not unheard of.

🔥 Pre-War / War Era: More accepted.

❓ Post-War: Unknown—but probably still complicated.

💬|📜👑What was Romana's presidency like?: The highs and lows of Romana as Gallifreyan President.

💬|🧸🏫How do grade levels work in Gallifreyan schooling?: How the Gallifreyan education system works.

💬|🧸🏡Does a Gallifreyan's House determine which chapter they'll be a part of?: Looking at Academy affiliations and the Academy selection process.

Hope that helped! 😃

Any orange text is educated guesswork or theoretical. More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →📢Announcements |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts → Features: ⭐Guest Posts | 🍜Chomp Chomp with Myishu →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired 😴

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wowstrawberrycow · 5 months ago

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Preschool For the Unwanted part 1: Hello Teacher

Hi there everyone! This time I'm shipping Adar with one of my OCs! My oc is called Lao. He is very playful even in the worst of times and is a teacher. He would say all he does is teach. But there's so much more to Lao than he likes to talk about.

I also will say this story doesn't have any warnings yet. But I'm sure it will be explicit eventually. I'll warn you when it does.🤗❤️ You'll likely get art of Lao very soon too!

This story is another one of my attempts to dive into uruk culture with a fun lense.🌈💖 I hope you all enjoy it.

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While it was no secret uruk children were wild and quite an unruly bunch of tiny gremlins this did not stop Lao from his task. In fact when the escapade of teaching these children had come up in another boring semi-meaningless meeting Lao very enthusiastically volunteered for the job. One thing led to another, that is a whole other story entirely But, that little mystery is what led Lao to visit Adar the lord father himself.

However, this meeting itself was perilous as well. Upon entry, he was attacked, which he completely expected. Though much to everyone else's shock and dismay, Lao handled himself quite easily without harming a soul. He dodged spears, swords, and arrows with ease and grace as if he were dancing with the balance of a ballerina. This tuckered out guards as this literal dance seemed to go on for hours. It became like a game for Lao, that is to say, he saw it as a long game of hide and seek, and at other times it was like tag with harsher consequences. His amused child-like giggling was infuriating to the residents of the uruk community of Mordor at first but soon this infuriation simmered to merely eye-rolling followed by irritated complaints. This ultimately is what caught Adar’s attention.

Lao eventually allowed himself to be caught immediately after Glug announced his lord father demanded to see him. After also allowing himself to be clamped in irons Lao soon demonstrated that brutality was not an option here in this situation. Each time one of the uruk guards attempted to hit or stab Lao, even in chains the strange man would quickly move out of reach maintaining a kind carefree expression. He still made no effort to fight back. This resulted in further irritation as they searched him. However, they discovered Lao was completely unarmed. Many unsettled stares befell Lao as he was dragged to see Adar.

Adar’s own menacing eyes bore deeply into the other partially in hopes to intimidate Lao, while the other half of his mind was attempting to figure the stranger out. Lao simply smiled sweetly back at him with a seeming ditz over his face.

“State your business. Make it quick, I will not hesitate to give orders to end you." The great leader spoke using a grave tone laced with malice.

Lao remained calm, finally speaking for the first time since he arrived. “ I was wondering about your little ones. I’m very curious if you’d be interested in accepting my services as an educator. I can educate adults as well if you like.” His voice was casual as someone speaking at a conference table but as beautiful as an elf's; it matched his immaculate face. When his ears were revealed it was clear he wasn’t an elf at all. Whispers zipped across the crowd who surrounded the odd scene.

Adar couldn’t believe his ears or his eyes. The offer was extremely…attractive… not just the offer, but the one who delivered the proposal was too. His mind then paused in favor of looking over Lao’s body and noticed the female clothing. “Bring her to my meeting quarters.”

Lao repressed a snicker, choosing not to correct the man. It was all too fun to keep those around him in surprise or confusion.

Adar raised a brow annoyed but glints of curiosity filled his eyes. he said nothing and instead ordered the stranger to be strapped to a chair. He stared down at the other with an intense gaze. The energy this one gave off was nothing like Sauron’s, and none of his children were killed that night. Some were exhausted, yes, but sleep could fix that. Even with that thing gone he couldn't help but inspect that first to settle his suspicions. “ What’s your game? I hardly believe you came to my territory for such a thing. What is it you really want? Who are you?”

Listening to Adar’s deep voice was like music to his ears. Lao let his eyes trace Adar’s body shamelessly with interest. With all things considered, if this setting had been in a bedroom this situation could be quite scandalous. A small delighted hum wafted through the air at the thought. The confused look in Adar’s eyes only amused Lao further; this much was obvious by his tone, “ I’m simply Lao.” he said with a pause. Then a sing-song tone soon followed “ And I believe I already told you what my purpose here is.” Lao smiled sweetly at the uruk patting his long lashes. purity showed brightly in his eyes when he gazed directly into the other’s pair when he spoke again “ I prefer to teach. That’s all I like to do with my time.”

Adar couldn’t deny that his children lacked an education. They were a simple group and even he found it difficult to explain certain things to them in ways they would understand. His children certainly weren’t unintelligent, on the contrary, they had wonderful problem-solving skills. They simply lacked direction and wisdom at times. The inability to read, and write, and low math skills were also something he constantly regretted not being able to properly teach his children. It pained his heart. For as much as he was apprehensive about the offer, he couldn’t reject a chance to better the lives of those he cherished most. But on the other hand, he couldn’t be too careful. Pretty faces with lovely offers were enticing, but he recalled how poorly the last one went. Adar huffed but suspicion still was present in his voice. “ Fine, but you will be under constant surveillance. You can start tomorrow. Throw her in the brig.”

To this Lao grinned, the urge to chuckle at Adar’s little mistake was becoming harder to resist. Even in chains, he found his time with the uruk community to be very entertaining already.

#Adar X My male OC #adar x oc #the rings of power #Trop #the rings of power fanfiction #trop fanfic #gay fanfiction #fanfiction #adar trop #adar the rings of power #adar fanfic #Adar fanfiction #my fanfiction #my oc stuff

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