#more happy

[wallwriterstuff]

Part 3: Dirty Laundry ||Fosterdad!John Price x Teen!Simon Riley||

Warnings: Mentions of child neglect and abuse. Mentions of police investigations. Mentions of the foster care system. Explicit description of PTSD and childhood trauma.

Words: 3118

Summary: Sometimes, trauma bleeds through the well crafted exterior of even the toughest souls. It festers and rots a person from the inside out, staining everything it touches, and Simon can't quite clean the stains in time before John finds them.

<- Previous Part: The Yes Basket Part 4: Paint Over The Cracks ->

It’s warm.

Too warm.

Constricting.

An arm around his throat and the cold metal of a barrel pressed to his temple.

The pressure’s what wakes him, and John quietly curses at Riley, who has managed to sneak in and drape himself atop him, creating the pressure that’s disturbed his sleep. The German Shepherd whines and John sighs, scratching behind his ear lightly.

“You to eh boy? Never can shake ‘em…” he murmured. For a moment, John stares at the ceiling, trying to shake off the lingering adrenaline of the moment and breathe through the heaviness so many old ghosts leave behind. They put more pressure on his chest than Riley’s furry form ever could. It takes Price a long moment to realise that the rumbling he can hear isn’t actually his mind playing tricks on him. There’s no APC’s here rattling across dessert sands or cargo planes building up to take off. What this quiet suburban neighbourhood does have, though, is a laundry room in each house. A laundry room that sits right beneath his bedroom and vibrates the floorboards.

With a grunt, John heaves himself upright and reaches for his prosthetic. Riley waits patiently, head tilted and tail wagging slowly like a pendulum. With his leg on, John gives it a quick test as he pushes to stand, grunts at the initial phantom pain he can never quite get rid of, and then begins to hobble his way downstairs, clicking on lights as he goes. He hits the bottom step of the stairs, hand running over his face to stifle a yawn as he heads through the kitchen and into the laundry room just behind. The washing machine door is open, the glass is wet, and the smell of soap wafting strongly off of the lingering bubbles suggested that whoever had used it had used one too many pods. It’s the dryer that’s making the rumbling noise as it tumbles about what appears to be a sheet. John frowns, squinting in confusion, and then he sighs.

“You’re not in trouble Simon, come on out.”  He can’t see the boy anywhere and he moves like a ghost, he may have already snuck back to bed for all he knows, but he’s the only other person in the house who could be doing a wash at…

Fucking Christ, it’s 3AM John internally groans at the time and makes sure to take a good look around the laundry room and the kitchen before he slowly ambles back upstairs. Simon’s door is closed, of course and John pauses briefly on the other side of the wood as he tries to figure out what’s happened. Maybe the boys finally decided to wash some of the things in that binbag? John hadn’t pushed it, but he’d been a bit more vocal about good hygiene this week since Simon hadn’t changed his clothes in the 3 weeks he’d been living with him. Had that unnerved him? Pushed him to clean the clothes himself? Was it that whatever fascination with cleaning himself Simon had had now transferred to cleaning his possessions to? John knocked at the sound of shuffling behind the door, his brows furrowed. The shuffling immediately stopped. The only sounds John could hear being the faint rush of traffic along the road as Old Mike came home from a late shift again, the creaking of expanding and contracting pipes of his house, and the loaded silence of a boy who didn’t want to be caught doing what he shouldn’t.

John knocked again.

Simon barely cracked the door the second time, glacial eyes darting rapidly over John’s face, watching even more astutely than usual. They were rough as tree bark as they scraped over his soul and John had to wander what had the boy’s hackles raised.

“You need any help with your laundry, Simon?” he asked. The non-judgemental offer was left hanging in the air between them, and John let the boy scrutinise him and his intentions from head to toe.

“No.” Simon’s answer is as blunt as ever, but there’s a slightly terse edge to his voice that’s new, an underlying tension in his tone that set John’s bullshit buzzer whirring. John sighed, rubbed at his eyes and sniffed a bit to clear the early morning grogginess from his sinuses, then paused. The stench from Simon’s room was near revolting and he couldn’t stop the way his nose wrinkled.

“Jesus kid, let me in.” John said with a frown.

“No!” Simon was adamant now, lips twisting into half a snarl as he bared his teeth and puffed his chest, doing his best impression of a predator even as his eyes showed he was really feeling like prey. John looked him over for a moment, keeping his prosthetic in the doorway so that Simon couldn’t close the door on him, or at least, couldn’t hurt him if he tried to force it shut.

“Simon-“

“I have a right to privacy.” Simon had never spoken so much in all the time he’d been with him. John nodded his head slowly, taking a steadying breath and keeping his expression calm and neutral, even as his heart waged war in his chest.

“You do have a right to privacy, and you have a-“

“Then fuck off old man.” John doesn’t flinch in the face of the acid Simon spits. The boy’s shaking, and it isn’t from rage. He’s seen plenty of angry children, seen plenty of hurt and scared ones to. He won’t meet fire with fire and burn his house down.

“You also have a right to an adequate standard of living and to experience the best possible health,” John continued calmly, “And you have a right to ensure that I, as an adult in your life, makes decisions in your best interest. Now you’re a smart lad; if you were me, smelling what I can smell right now, would you say I’m acting in your best interest if I just go back to bed?” he let’s the question hang in the air for as long as needed, watches Simon grapple with the logic of his answer and his own fear. The smell takes him back to times he’s been stuck behind enemy lines in the black, moving through shantytowns where people don’t have the means to keep clean or rescuing PoWs from dank cells with no drainage or ventilation. It’s the smell of the hopeless and the damned. Except, Simon is neither, not in his house, John won’t let him be.

“I – I can clean it. I’m cleaning it.” He’s still trying to rationalise, still trying to find a way out. John doesn’t want him to feel cornered but for the sake of the boy’s health he can’t let this one go. He knows the smell now, can pick apart what’s the stench of old neglect in the binbag and the odour of current trauma. He understands why Simon’s been showering so much now, realises that this must have been going on for weeks before he noticed. He keeps his voice gentle, not accusing in anyway, doesn’t even force eye contact. He needs to praise the effort, prove he’s working with him, not against him.

“You’re doing a great job, the sheets’ll be dry soon…but maybe I can help you swap the mattress out so they can go back on a clean bed, yeah?” John’s suggestion is met with stone cold silence that drags for an infinite stretch of time. Simon’s not even able to look at him, and John can understand why. The boy prides himself on control so losing control of his bladder is more than embarrassing, and the way he’s acting makes John suspects it was a punishable offence in his former home. He’s never seen the boy be anything other than pale, but his cheeks are burning a fierce shade of pink now as he struggles to breathe properly. John’s not sure if it’s panic, the smell, or a mix of both, but Simon’s so beyond rational thought that he almost falls into a stupor as he stumbles back to let him in.

There’s a wash basin on the floor from the kitchen, Fairy Liquid sitting nearby to and even a bottle of lemon juice. Simon’s got a phone open to a cleaning article and sploshes of soapy water all over the hardwood as he’s desperately tried to scrub his mattress clean. John feels a deep swelling of sympathy, staring in mute horror at the soaked and stained mattress, eyes trailing to the open window fluttering curtains in the breeze like white flags. Simon can’t talk, but his body is coiled to spring like a rattle snake, one wrong move pulling the trigger to a gun he can’t control. They’re at the edge of a precipice now, and one small nudge could rob Simon of all rational thought and send him into a full on meltdown. John’s not just in his space but he’s bearing witness to a weakness, one he could exploit. He needs to prove he won’t. Simon won’t believe any of the evidence he lays out before him for a long time either way, but John knows he has to start somewhere.

“I say we move you into the spare room tonight, get a proper night’s sleep, and tomorrow we’ll deal with the mattress.” John’s suggestion is quiet, soft. Simon can’t seem to lift his gaze from the floor, finding the knots in the wood to be the most interesting thing in the room. The smell of stale urine is assaulting John’s nose, burning the nasal cavity, and his stomach twists to know Simon’s been sleeping in all this mess right under his nose for perhaps the entirety of the time he’s lived here. Seeing no response is incoming, John goes to one knee, makes himself small, tries to meet Simon’s gaze from below. The boy doesn’t shut his eyes, no he’d rather have a chance at seeing whatever’s coming John thinks, but he does turn his head immediately to keep avoiding John’s eyes.

“Simon, I’m not angry. Look at my face. Do I look upset? It’s okay, lad. It happens.” John thinks better of reaching for him. Simon still doesn’t respond. “What’s going to happen now, is that we’re going to get you fresh sheets, and move you into the room just across from mine. You can sleep in a clean bed, and tomorrow morning-“

“I’ll just piss it again.” The boy’s voice shakes, as if the confession takes physical effort to squeeze its way out of his throat. John is quiet for a moment, keeps his voice non-judgemental. The atmosphere in the room is charged and he feels like one small spark could ignite the gasoline he’s swimming in. Everything smells and burns and John’s angry, so, so furious, that somebody has broken this boy so badly. He can’t let Simon see that anger though, he’ll think it’s directed at him.

“This happens more than once in a night?” John asks. Simon clenches and unclenches his fists, manages a jerky nod.

“S-sometimes.” He stutters. John gives another slow nod.

“There’s things we can buy to help.” He promises softly.

“I’m not wearing fucking nappies.” Simon wipes furiously at his eyes, the embarrassment and anger leaking through his eyes as it overwhelms him. It’s the proof that’s upset him so much, John thinks. He can no longer hide the physical evidence that things are not okay, were never okay, and he can’t hold the demons at bay all the time, however much he gives the impression he can. The boy with eyes that would make Satan shiver can only do so much, hold on for so long, before he to drowns in the hellfire of his life. Simon likes to make a show of dealing with it, pretending things are fine, but John’s bore witness to the fact it’s not, and that’s set off all of Simon’s alarms. How long had he had to pretend to keep Tommy safe? His mother too maybe. Had Simon always fell into the role of protector perhaps? Keep anyone from suspecting things were going wrong, keep the family together. But they’re already broken up, aren’t they? John shakes the thoughts off, it’s best not to rationalise someone else’s trauma, especially with only half the story.

John shakes his head, “Of course not. There’s pads we can put on top of the mattress, you just throw them away and put a fresh one on if you need to. Some brands do pants and underwear liners. We can buy some waterproof mattress covers to. It’s something we can mention to the doctor, when we go to see them, there’s tablets they can prescribe. We have options to try alright?” John waits with baited breath to see if Simon will take any of the options available, will help him choose, work together with him as opposed to try and go it alone. Simon doesn’t say anything; he’s so busy trying to get a grip of himself and his emotions he can’t form any sort of answer it seems. John can’t imagine being in his shoes, how mortifying it must be for a man whose essentially a stranger to bear witness to this moment, a moment he strongly suspects he’s been punished for a lot which has only contributed to Simon’s desperation to hide this side effect of the trauma he’s experienced.

He seems to work on autopilot when he helps John to make up a fresh bed, flinching from him if he accidentally gets within touching distance. He isn’t surprised when Simon goes back to the binbag, but instead of bringing the whole thing, he rummages through it to find only one item. The hoodie is definitely far too small for him, a horrific bottle green colour that makes his already pale skin look sickly in comparison. It smells of that lingering scent of cigarettes still, even has some burn holes in it. John doesn’t comment on it and lets Simon keep the comfort item close. He gives him one last chance to confide in him before he leaves to go back to his own room.

“You need anything else before you turn in?” his offer is met by an immediate headshake, and John knows instinctually that Simon’s at his limit, that the kindness John has met him with tonight is going to keep the boy awake and shaking until sun rise can chase away the memory of it. “Alright then, try get some sleep yeah?” John gives him a slight nod as he shuts the door behind him and walks back to his room. He shuts the door behind him and goes through the motions of taking off his leg, but he can’t bring himself to get into bed somehow. He rests his head in his hands and takes a deep, steadying breath, finally letting his own tears fall as he grieves on the boy’s behalf.

Nobody ever said his job was easy.

His heart hurts and he’s filled with such a visceral rage it makes his teeth grind. To have traumatised a boy so thoroughly he can’t stop himself from wetting the bed at four-fucking-teen is more than criminal - John’s hunted people down for less before. Simon doesn’t need his anger though. He needs consistency, calm, support, and care. John inhales deeply and exhales in a rush, trying to force out all the negative emotions he’s feeling so that Simon get’s nothing but his best when he sees him tomorrow.

Simon deserves his best.

It only keeps getting worse.

Simon’s throwing a tennis ball for Riley in the backyard. He hasn’t spoken to him since last night and when John answers the phone he’s tired, beyond tired. He doubted either of them slept anymore after their 3AM meet up.  

“Kate…give me good news.” He sighs.

“Alright. We’ve got him signed up at your GP and they’ve given you one of tomorrow’s emergency appointments. 10:20AM.” Kate Laswell delivers the news perfunctorily, with almost too much nonchalance. John knows better than to believe that’s the end of it.

“There’s a but coming, isn’t there?” he asks. Kate is too quiet for a long moment and John readjusts his position, pressing the phone between his shoulder and ear so he can go back to spreading mustard on his sandwich.

“He can’t see Tom.” Kate���s voice feels like a falling gavel in a courtroom. Simon’s not spoken of his brother much, but John gets the impression that it wasn’t his own hoodie he was clutching for comfort last night. He knows deep in his bones that this news won’t go over well with Simon.

“Can I at least give him a reason why? How the fuck do you want me to explain that to him?” John asks finally, voice a little bit clipped.

“You can’t. The thing’s Tom’s disclosed are vile, John. There’s a police investigation and all sorts opening, so right now, no visits. I’ve got to arrange a time and a date with you for the police to come interview Simon. Frankly, if what the kid’s been saying is true, it’ll do Simon better to not have contact with him at all.” Kate sounds just as tired as he feels and he can almost imagine the woman sitting in her office, rubbing her forehead to chase off a pounding headache. John puts down the knife in his hand and shifts it to his phone, gripping it tight and pushing it harder against his ear like he might catch a whisper of better news if he just holds it close enough.

“Kate I need something go off of here. The kids pissing the bed and got more bruises than a prisoner of war. What am I dealing with here?” he asks, frustration colouring his tone.

“Trauma, John. You’re dealing with trauma. It’s nothing new. All the kids coming to you are traumatised. This one just needs to be handled with more care than most. If you can’t handle that let me know and I’ll remove him now.” Her tone rings with finality and John flinches, feeling like he’s been sucker punched.

“No,” he speaks through gritted teeth, “He’s had enough upheaval…I’ll figure out a way to tell him if he asks. Thanks for sorting the doc’s.”

“You’re welcome. Anything else?”

“No.” John grunts out a reply before he can say something he might regret.

“Great. I’ll be in touch to arrange a time to visit Simon.” She hangs up without a goodbye, again, and once more John is left stumbling in the dark for a way to help Simon. He’s starting to feel like the only one in the world who wants to.  

[gorjee-art]

a comic about cuddles

[w1lmuttart]

The lake town

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[fly-chicken]

A Pragmatic and surprisingly comforting perspective about the Trump 2nd Presidency from the ACLU

***Apologies if this is how you found out the 2024 election results***

Blacked out part is my name.

I’m not going to let this make me give up. It’s disheartening, and today I will wallow, probably tomorrow too

AND

I will continue to do my part in my community to spread the activism and promote change for the world I want to live in. I want to change the world AND help with the dishes.

And I won’t let an orange pit stain be what stops me from trying to be better.

A link to donate to the ACLU if able and inclined. I know I am

[ingravinoveritas]

"We've all got to be fighting that fight every day."

Happy Pride, everyone...

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[oriixxc]

my first mystery box commission

[froody]

every prehistoric human reconstruction has me thinking “I want to smoke weed with this bitch”

she looks like she would have been an awesome neighbor, like she would have loved menthols and called me baby

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

whens megatron coming back

[bacchuschucklefuck]

couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead

[aesthetic-uni]

It’s that time of the year again

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

License to Kitty.

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!

(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)