#mitski lives and breaths to make me cry

[gildeddlily]

bug like an angel

buffalo replaced

heaven

I don't like my mind

the deal

when memories snow

my love mine all mine

the frost

star

I'm your man

I love me after you

[operationandre]

Zero Day told through Mitski lyrics.

(LONG POST!!!! moments and scenes will not be in order)

Andre’s last moments.

“And I want a love that falls as fast as a body from the balcony, and I want to kiss like my heart is hitting the ground” - Townie

— Andre’s last words were asking Cal for permission, for instructions to die. He wanted to die at the exact same time, not a moment before or a moment after. His love for Cal overshadowed everything. His plans to run, the false passports, the foreign money—they were all useless in that moment. He wanted to coincide with cal, to be one with each other. Their blood would share the same floor, mixing together in a last show of their devotion.

The Burning of the Crosses

“You’re my best friend, now I’ve no one to tell how I lost my best friend” - The Frost

— The thought of someone burning their crosses would make Andre and Cal laugh. They would make fun of the perpetrators together, but now they lay under the ground or on a cold metal table in a lab somewhere. There is no one to talk to. There’s a darkness for both of the boys, but it’s different from what they’re used to. Unlike the darkness in Cal’s eyes that used to make Andre’s chest burn, Andre finds this blackness cold and he does not feel anything from it. Unlike the darkness in Andre’s words that would always excite Cal, Cal is bored.

The Reactions of Their Families

“So if you need to be mean, be mean to me” - I Don’t Smoke

— After the massacre, both Andre and Cal’s parents blame themselves, especially after the police question them and ask them how they didn’t notice anything awry. They wish that they had been a source of relief for their boys. In their eyes, Cal and Andre are still their babies, and they do not want to believe they did anything wrong. They want nothing blamed on their boys; they want everything on them.

Andre’s Last Conversation With His Dad

“Lately I’ve been crying like a small child, so please, hurry, leave me, I can’t breathe, please don’t say you love me.” - First Love / Late Spring

— Andre’s eyes have always been focused on Cal. He believed that no one would ever love him, at least not to the extent Cal did. The moment his dad says the words ‘I’m proud of you’ his world almost falls apart. Would his dad understand him? Would his dad be proud of him in his final moments?

Cal’s Diary With the Sitar

“Mom, am I still young? Can I dream for a few months more?” - Class of 2013

— Cal knew what the outcome of the crime would be. He was aware that he was not coming out, that he truly did not want to come out. He would’ve ended everything the same way no matter if the crime happened or not. He knows Zero Day is coming up soon, and he wants to keep that dream almost completely separate from the way his loved ones know him.

Andre’s Plans vs Cal’s Plans

“But, Big Spoon, you have so much to do, and I have nothing ahead of me” - Your Best American Girl

— Andre and Cal have very different views for both the future and the present. Andre works, has gotten into college, and is in multiple clubs and track. he wanted to run after Zero Day. He wanted to live. On the other hand, Cal had nothing, no job, no outlook for after Zero Day. He knew of Andre’s wants, but he also knew it was never a choice for him.

Final Moments

“I just need a quiet place where I can scream how I love you” - I Want You

— The ultimate show of devotion from the two boys is their deaths. They are surrounded by nothing but quiet, only slightly disturbed by police sirens and a 911 operator. There is nothing in their mind other than one another. Their lives flash behind their eyes and what they see are visions of each other.

Cal’s Hopes for His Family and Rachel

“Maybe when you tell your friends, you can tell them what you saw in me, and not the way I am” - Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart

— While Cal doesn’t care what people think of him or what his legacy is, he wants to keep intact the minds and reputations of those he left behind. They shall not be disgraced simply because they trusted him. He even clears their names for the police in his final statement.

The Final Diary

“So why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you stop me and paint it over?” - Why Didn’t You Stop Me?

— Andre and Cal state multiple times that this had to happen, that they have to even the score of life. They blame others, almost explicitly saying there have been moments that should worry people, but they have been allowed to keep going and no one can stop them now.

“I Couldn’t Have Done This With Anyone Else.”

“One word from you and I would jump off of this ledge I’m on, baby, tell me ‘don’t’ so I can crawl back in” - First Love / Late Spring

— Cal is it for Andre; Andre is it for Cal. They exist in each others’ minds but not as parasites, simply as another train of thought. Anything the other says is gospel; every word the boys say sounds like it is coming from one mouth, one mind. They will do whatever the other person tells them to do.

Andre and Cal Finding One Another in Life

“Little boys cry and look around for comfort, and always get what they want” - Real Men

— The moment Cal and Andre meet, they know they have found their person. They will never judge one another, and they have shared experiences. They hate together, and they love together.

Cal Defending Andre to Rachel

“But with everybody watching us, our every move, we keep it secret, won’t let them have it” - Once More to See You

— Cal knows the truth behind the reason for recording, but he refuses to tell Rachel for multiple reasons. He doesn’t speak on anything until she mentions Andre. he quickly moves the blame to himself, saying he’s insecure and needs attention. He knows he and Andre are being observed and how others find them weird or off putting, but he refuses to play into it. Their true thoughts are reserved for one another. No one else is allowed in.

“We’ll be like God.” “No, we will be God.”

“You believe me like a god, I’ll destroy you like I am” - I’m Your Man

— The two boys view themselves as something greater than life, as something beyond religion and beyond belief. They take everything into their hands: their peer’s lives and the balance of the world.

The End.

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Baby

❥Yandere Park Seonghwa x fem reader

SPOOKTOBER SPECIAL

➯a/n: this is a work of fiction and does NOT represent a healthy little and caregiver relationship, or a healthy relationship of any kind. this is messed up but i wanted to experiment with my writing and i think i succeeded. let me know what you think of this cause i would love love looooove to write more

✃ "You're my baby, say it to me." - Mitski, I Bet on Losing Dogs

✫彡wordcount: 4k

♡'･ᴗ･'♡(ಡ‸ಡ)genre: yandere, HEAVY angst

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: stockholm syndrome, mind breaking, spanking, mentions of bribery, mommy hwa (i cannot help myself)

⁂taglist: @stvrfir3 @tunaasan @marievllr-abg

✩index: little space; a regressed state of mind where one feels like a child. hyung; a name for an older male friend or sibling, used by other males.

MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI

    "I'm home, sorry I'm late!" Seonghwa called out as he entered the apartment, looking around the empty rooms. "Baby?" He peeked into the kitchen, dinner untouched on the stove. "San?" The living room, the news channel on mute. "Mingi?" Both of his roommates rooms, desolate.

"No!" Your shout calls him to his room at the end of the hall, followed by a clanging and a yell of pain from his friend.

"Baby?! Baby!?" He turns into his room in a panic, eyes wide as he witnesses the scene infront of him.

You're curled up in a ball in the corner of his bed- head in your knees- with San holding Mingis arm as he curses under his breath, one of your bottles on the floor at their feet. "Hyung," He turns quickly and picks up the bottle, pointing it at you accusingly, "she threw this at Mingi!"

"Baby, why would you do that?" He takes the bottle from San and slowly kneels on the edge of the bed, reaching for you.

You say nothing, only whining and kicking his hand away. So he turns his attention back to the younger members. "What happened?" He wants to scream at them, really. How could they make his Baby cry when they know everything he went through and continues to go through to have you as his own? But that would only make you more upset. You don't like when he raises his voice, so he keeps it calm. "Is she hurt?"

"Hyung... We really didn't mean to, we tried to-" Mingi is almost in tears, he truly feels for you. But it's been months. If he could have helped he'd of found a way by now. But they need Seonghwa. And some of the members wouldn't even dream of turning him in- even after what he's done. For selfish reasons maybe. But it doesn't matter why or why not. You've been stuck in their apartments for half a year. They'd thought all of your deficiency had passed. That they could pretend it was okay.

"What happened, Baby?" He turns back to you, gently touching your knee.

That little touch seems to make you snap. Screaming obscenities in his face as you go on and on about how you are not, in fact, his baby. You aren't his at all. You want to go home. You don't love him. You don't like San. You don't like Mingi. You don't like any of the members, actually. You don't like living here. You wish you'd never even met him.

All three of them watch aghast, jaws dropped as you yell insult after insult at them. Hot in the face and tears streaming down like a waterfall so harshly that they wet the collar of your baby blue dress and pool as a drop on your chin. You grab the little plushie that Jongho made with you and hurl it at Seonghwas face, hitting him on the nose.

He watches it fall to the floor and his eyes don't seem to move after that. He's forced to listen as you insult his character directly now. He's a insane person. He's a pervert. He's sick in the head. He's annoyingly overbearing. You loathe his guts. You wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire. You'd shoot him twice if you were in a room with him and a hungry tiger with only two bullets. You loathe his entire being. You aren't his Baby. You aren't even his girlfriend. He's delusional.

The words ring around his head hauntingly. You can't possibly mean those things. He takes care of you so well. He gives you the world and all he asks for in return is your love. And he's gotten it. At least he thought he had. He woke up with you by his side and went back to bed the same way. You gave him kisses on the cheek. You let him play with all of your favorite toys that no one else can touch. You let him bathe you and dress you. You let him do everything.

"Do you hear me?" You scream, throwing his neatly fluffed pillow at his already lowered head. "I hate you!"

The world stops in that moment, the millisecond that word slips from your mouth.

    It's silent in the room. In the apartment. Not only could you hear a pin drop—

    You can hear the single tear fall from Seonghwas eye and collide with the hardwood.

Both of them look at him. You look at him. He looks at the floor. There's a visible shift in his aura. He goes from unreadable to pissed in the blink of an eye. His shoulders tense up and his breathing gets shallow.

He stands up, almost robotically. He picks up his pillow and dusts it off, placing in back on the bed where it belongs. His gaze doesn't even bother to meet yours as you watch him with wide, fearful eyes. He grabs the plushie and sets it down as well. "...Get up. Bend over, Baby."

"Hwa, wait, pl-"

"Before I get the paddle."

He doesn't say anything else, glaring down at you as you move tentatively. After an incident with an unlocked window and some sheets resulting in you being dragged to Hongjoongs room by the ear, you don't even want to see the paddle. You had to sit on their laps or a pillow for two weeks straight, if memory serves you right.

    He doesn't reach to move you faster. He stands at the edge of the bed, deadly silent. He only intervenes when you look to Mingi and San beggingly. "You're not allowed to look at them anymore."

That was a rule when you first arrived. You only got that privilege a few weeks ago. You figured it was probably to make you feel distance to the fact that these were people, who could potentially help you leave him, and not just disembodied voices and lower bodies. A way to make you feel even more lonely. Even when they were so close that you could here their breathing.

Like now, Mingi lets out a few small sniffles here and there. Sans breaths sounds anxious. Like if he moves an inch that he will be next on his Hyungs list.

As you bend your body over the edge, they avert their eyes. They may be complacent with Seonghwas actions, but they will never cross that line. They, all seven of the younger members, promised it. Never touch you. Never take advantage of you. Never directly help Seonghwa control you in any way. In fact, most of them decided it would be best to help you however possible, without ruining all of their lives in the process. Getting you small gifts that Seonghwa pre-approved. Stealing you away to the other dorms for a movie night. Sneaking you an extra sweet or episode of cartoons when you were deep in little-space.

But there was nothing they could do when Seonghwa told you to do something. To go to bed early. To let him wash your hair. To give him a kiss. To suck on his thumb. To bend over.

So they could only look away with heavy hearts as he flips up your skirt and rips -quite literally- your underwear away. The sound makes Mingi cringe, your crying pleas for him make him want to disappear forever. "Ming, please, don't let him! I'm sor-"

Seonghwa doesn't even start easy on you, he smacks your bottom harshly, over and over again until your cheek is sore and aching all the way through to your hip. And then, for the briefest moment, you all think it's over when the loud echo of the smacks finally ceases. But that was only him moving to get a better angle on your other side.

    You cry loudly, and the sound officially makes Mingi cry. He lowers his head and turns his body away completely to try and distance himself from the abuse. San gently takes ahold of his pink in his own. It does little to comfort either of them, but it reminds them both of the pact that they made.

     All of their pinkies interlocked, a promise that they would do their best for their obviously challenged Hyung.

        Both of your cheeks bruising and hot to the touch, Seonghwa finally backs up. He moves his knees from their place on either side of you and lets you crumble to the floor in a pile of sobs. He stops briefly to pull your skirt over you half-hazardly before leaving you completely alone as you blubber into your arms.

     His palm is red, as angry as he was. He takes a deep breath as he takes a pump of lotion, rubbing it into his hands as he turns to the other men.

      "Tell me what happened."

    Mingi wipes his face roughly, straightening up as San speaks lowly, "we turned on the TV. We were going to watch a movie, but... but she saw it on the news before we could even change it."

    "What did she see?"

   "Her missing persons photo..."

✿

The door was locked behind them and there was no noise in the apartment. If you hadn't known better, you'd say they all left. But Seonghwa refused to ever leave you alone. Even when all of the members were busy. You either went with them or had a staff member watching you, one who'd coincidentally received a raise moments before.

You stayed right there on the floor for the longest time, sobbing and snotting all over the floor as you tried to calm yourself.

Oh, you really outdid yourself this time.

Even at his angriest, Seonghwa never left your side when there was a tear in your eye.

You knew he had no tolerance for that word. Hate. Ironically, you could say he hated it. Especially when it came out of your lips. You once said you hated the show he put on. He gave you a fourty minute lecture and three smacks to the behind.

And you just aimed it right at him. You meant to make him angry. And you succeeded.

Now, into the night, when he still hasn't returned, you start to wonder wether you snapped his last string of humanity. If he hated you just as much as you claimed you hated him. If he's out in the kitchen planning how to get rid of you.

Your body aches as you sit up, screaming at you as you crawl into the small pink tent in the corner of the room. It's placed on top of soft play mats and filled with baby-ish things that he insisted you needed every time he saw them. The softest blankets. The cutesy, most hug-able plushies. A small box of your favorite pacifiers and toys.

You untie the ribbon keeping the sheer fabric open and let it drape closed, as if it will shield you. Perhaps, in your fragile mind, it will. He never comes in here, only ever reaches in to grab the blankets to wash every other week.

You let yourself flop onto your side into the pile and find yourself sobbing all over again. Maybe, just maybe, in a fucked up, delusional way... Seonghwa does care for you. Maybe, just maybe, in his mind, he does all of these things because he believes it best for you.

You can still see Seonghwa in his room when he's not there. Maybe that's why you hate being cooped up in here. Always begging members to let you hang out in their rooms instead.

It's so neat. Even after the chaos of earlier. So color coordinated. Grey and white and warm lights.

You're the only exception. Toys and clothes and books strewn about in your little corner, just out of sight of his cam-corder.

   Maybe that's why you get so mad when you slip out of the little space he's built for you. You know you don't fit into his life seamlessly. You know the truth of your situation. So you may as well start making the best of it.

    With a groan of effort, you sit back up.

✿

   It's well past midnight when he turns the lock on the outside of his door. Which also means its well past your bedtime. You've become so well accustomed to it over your time together, he figures you've probably fallen asleep.  

       And he's right. He immediately spots you on his side do the bed, holding his pillow tight to your chest with your swollen eyes closed.

    A pant of regret hits him right where it hurts as he realizes just how much he made you cry. How much he made you hurt. His anger got the best of him, and it hurts his heart that deep down, he knows it won't be the last time.

     He's done it to everyone. His family. His members. Himself...

    His darkest thoughts reach out in the corners of his mind, saying that his Baby is better of without him. But he is quick to slap them away as he tip toes into the room.

    Somethings off, somethings different. Everything is in place.

    All of your toys and coloring books and short stories. All of your pacifiers and stuffed animals. They're on the shelf exactly how he puts them during his Sunday reset cleanings. All of your favorites are on the wall, your side of the bed. The multitude of blankets and throw pillows in your tent are folded and organized neatly. Your tears and snot have been wiped up. Your ripped panties in the bin.

    "Oh, my Baby," he whispers, immediately crawling into bed behind you and holding your back close to his chest, careful to avoid your bottom. He doesn't even want to fathom what he did to you... "My Baby..."

      He can't help but cry, though he tries to do so silently. He wants you to rest, you need it. But the smallest movement of the bed wakes you in your fragile state.

    When you stir, he expects you to crawl away. But you don't. Instead, you roll over to face him and shimmy into his arms. "Hey, sweet girl," he coos hoarsely.

     You were right, earlier. You weren't left alone in the apartment. San was sitting in the living room comforting Mingi as Seonghwa stormed off and went upstairs to Hongjoong. While they sat in silence, he screamed and screamed and screamed until he couldn't breathe.

     Eventually, Hongjoong and Yunho got him to calm down, and they talked and talked and talked. Yunho suggested, lightly, that you should stay the night with them. And then Seonghwa screamed some more.

     In all this time, your nighttime routine had never been interrupted. He had a very specific way the two of you did things before bed and he would have it no other way. In all this time, he's never let you out of his arms as he slept. Even that first night, you kicked and screamed and punched until you passed out. But you did so in his arms.

    "Mommy." It's a simple acknowledgment, but it calms him ever so slightly. He takes pride in that name. And it makes him happy you can still call him that after what he's done to you.

     "Are you okay, Baby?" He knows that the answer is no. But he'll give you the opportunity to speak for yourself. To tell him how to help.

     "Hurts," you sniffle as you press your face into his chest, " 'm hungry..."

     "Come on, Sweetpea, I'll take care of you."

    You koala hug onto him, arms around his neck and legs around his waist as he stands.

    And the nighttime routine starts now, a pattern of familiarity to calm both of your shot nerves.

    He gently sets you in your seat at the table, but not before pacing down a pillow he grabbed while passing the couch. It still burns even with the soft cushioning below you.

You eat in silence. Usually you would speak about your days, and the next one's plans. But there doesn't seem to be any words that either of you can find at the moment.

He rinses the dishes before picking you back up. No matter how many times you insist you can walk- he insists right back that his Baby must be carried. You pass Mingi on the way to the bathroom, and he gives you a small wave, his eyes bloodshot and his posture slumped. But he can't help the small smile that tugs at his lips as you wave back over Seonghwas shoulder.

The pillow goes down on the counter before you, and he starts your meticulous skin care. Your face wash, then his. Your toner, then his. Moisturizer, eye cream, spot treatment, the list goes on until your both brushing your teeth.

You will admit Seonghwa takes exceptionally good care of not only himself, but you as well.

He likes to massage your face after all is said and done. He says it's good for blood flow, which is true. But he does it for a few simpler reasons.

Your face in his hands. And a chance to admire you at the end of the day.

No matter how rough of a day it was. He could always count on this.

He cups your cheeks as he stands between your legs, massaging them gently. "My Baby." He whispers. So quiet you actually miss it. You're too busy melting into his affection. "You're my Baby." He speaks, however lowly.

"Mhm," you moan quietly, blinking up at him, not knowing what exactly he's meaning.

"Say it to me," he says. He pleads. His forehead rests on yours. Eyes growing wet as he uses your eyes as a window into your soul. "Please."

"I'm your baby," you whisper just as gently as he. Nodding against his head lightly. "I'm your baby, Mommy."

He nearly collapses as his shoulders finally relax. His mind flooding with happiness as he hears those words. You're all he's ever wanted. You're all he feels he truly has.

He knew it since the moment he saw you. So delicate, so beautiful and kind. He was overcome with an urge that he can only describe as a mix of pure love and anxiety. He loves you so deeply, how can he ever rest if he doesn't know for certain that your safe and taken care of? So he took matters into his own hands.

He's never felt it before. He knows he'll never feel it again. He will never. Never. Love someone as much as you. As much as his Baby.

You reach up and wipe his tears gently, the tiniest of smiles playing at your lips, "you gonna wash away all the stuff you jus' put on."

He can't help the chuckle that leaves him, leaning into your touch as it leaves a tingle on his skin, "you're right, Baby."

He gently, oh so gently, places a kiss on your lips before your routine resumes.

He leaves you to do your business as he goes to the living room and gathers your pajamas, and when he comes back he finds you all done, rubbing your bottom with a pout. "Oh, Baby, I'm so sorry! I forgot, it must have hurt on the toilet," a pout of his own forms as he crouches and rummages through the cabinet.

"Yeahm," you whine, watching him closely as he grabs a tube.

"Bend over, Baby." That simply sentence almost has you spiraling again before he reaches and rubs your head ever so gently. "It's okay, it's okay. It's numbing cream. Let Mommy put on you and it'll feel better, promise."

You hesitantly bend over the counter slightly, and are relieved to find he's telling the truth. He's barely touching your behind enough spread the cream, his touch is so light. But he manages to apply the treatment without causing you any more harm.

You know that this will be part of your nightly routine again when he sets the tube down with the rest of his products. It mocks you as you look at it. Knowing you'll have to hear those words over and over again until you're healed.

He helps you rid your dress and redresses you in one of his t-shirts before changing into his own pajamas.

As he carries you back to bed, you speak up while fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, "Mommy?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"Can sleep in my tent tonigh'?"

"Oh, Baby, you know I have to hold you to fall asleep. Baby can have a nap in there tomorrow, how about that?"

"No, Mommy too," you look to him with a pout as he closes the bedroom door behind you, "Mommy in the tent." You point to it as if he doesn't know what tent you're referring to, and it makes him laugh how adorable you are when you're so deep in little-space.

"Okay, Baby," he sets you down first and lets you crawl in, watching you with stars in his eyes as you curl up under the blankets and move to make room for him.

His feet poke out of the side even as he's curled spooning you, and he knows the sight is probably ridiculous. But it's very possibly the coziest he's been with you. The tent and the plushies inside of it smell like you. All of the soft blankets have accumulated into a weighted blanket of sorts and keeps you both warm in the cold October air. His chest pressed to your back and your numbed bottom snuggling back into his hips. Your soft, calm breaths luring him into a state of tranquility. He stays just like that, for a long time, it feels like. It almost feels like he's meditating. His soul being cleansed. He can see why you like it here-

Oh. Oh, he's really in here.

It dawns on him as he looks up. What is usually a white ceiling is a pink fabric just a few inches away from his face.

You invited him in.

Ever since he set it up three months ago, you made a strict 'BABY ONLY' policy. And you stuck to that. Not even Jongho, who was admittedly your favorite of his members, was allowed in. They were all confined to the play mat just outside.

But not anymore.

He thought after the pain he had caused, after the outside world had reminded you what he'd done, that your progress would be set back. That he'd back back to square one with a brat. But, you went ahead and proved him opposite.

You proved him that you are and will continue to be,

His Baby.

✿

[bratz-kitten]

🪴 the signs as mitski lyrics 🍃🌱

aries: ‘i am a forest fire, and i am the fire and i am the forest and i am a witness watching it’ / ‘and i’ll go to work and i’ll go to sleep, and i’ll love the littler things’ – a burning hill

taurus: ‘at night on the rooftop i untie my hair, and watch from my plastic chair as my dark hair unleashes the night / the scent of flowers still in bloom from morning shower, and i say your name in hopes you’ll hear it in the stars’ – carry me out

gemini: ‘i will go jogging routinely, calmly and rhythmically run, and when i find that a knife’s sticking out of my side, i’ll pull it out without questioning why’ – fireworks

cancer: ‘i don’t know what to do without you, i don’t know where to put my hands / i’ve been trying to lay my head down, but i’m writing this at 3 a.m. / ‘i look up at the gaps of sunlight, i miss you more than anything’ – francis forever

leo: ‘i will wash your hair at night, and dry it off with care, i will see your body bare, and still i will live here’ / and while you sleep, i’ll be scared, so by the time you awake, i’ll be brave’ – i will

virgo: ‘your room was square, i once noticed from there, in your bed, as you slept, and i held my breath / everything had it’s own place, and i wondered what space would i take in the order you kept’ – square

libra: ‘if you need to be mean, be mean to me, i can take it and put it inside of me / if your hands need to break more than trinkets in your room, you can lean on my arm as you break my heart’ – i don’t smoke

scorpio: ‘i broke our belongings, they’re all on the floor, the room is now empty, nothing left to throw’ / ‘i broke what you gave me, but you kept giving more, and i’m sorry for taking, but i keep wanting more, more, more’ – humpty

sagittarius: ‘and i was so young when i behaved 25, yet now, i find i’ve grown into a tall child’ / ‘and i don’t wanna go home, let me walk to the top of the big night sky / please hurry, leave me, i can’t breathe, please don’t say you love me’ – first love/late spring

capricorn: ‘i’m all used up, pretty boy, over and over again, my nail colors are wearing off / see my hands, pretty boy, what do they tell you? ‘cause i’ve looked down on them not knowing why’ / ‘i can take a little bit more, let’s shake this poet out of the beast’ – bag of bones

aquarius: ‘oh hunter, if you didn’t want the beautiful so badly, perhaps you would have found it in your spirit singing softly / but hunter you were human, don’t forget it’ – pearl diver

pisces: ‘i cry at the start of every movie, i guess ‘cause i wish i was making things too’ / ‘i always knew the world moved on, i just didn’t know it would go without me’ – working for the knife

[sillygoosealert]

So guys don’t be like me please but basically I been neglecting my personal needs and now I cant get out of bed. I feel terrible and then I thought of something (insane right?) what if Bi Han find out reader hasnt been taking care of themselves so he takes a day off to care for them

92jinnies, please pull through for me kitten 💕

To another episode, another day blurs

Bi-han comfort, mental episode

It's been 3 days since you've last brushed your teeth

12 hours since you last up to use the bathroom

And however long since you've last ate

Maybe you won't do anything

Maybe you won't be anyone

Your throat is dry and you can hear yourself blink

The room is dark and smells of cold air

Bi-Han hasn't seen you ever since you crawled into your room and never came out

Well, no one has seen you, but he's worried

He originally thought you ran away or went off

But when looking into your old room, he saw you there

You were just lying there, listening to your breath

He doesn't know what set you off this time, you were fine

But you get like this, where nothing works out and you can't stand to be alive

So you pretend you're not

You don't bathe, you don't eat, you have trouble sleeping at night too

All you can do is exist, but that too seems too much for you

Nothing is easy, but is even harder when you aren't normal

Maybe you look fine, but something is wrong with you

But he knew that when he met you, he knew he had to help you when you couldn't help yourself

So he walks into the room and goes by your side

You motion for him to get into the bed but he just picks you up instead

Carrying you to your shared room

Then he gets on the bed, with you on his lap

He's just cradling you to take in how bad it is this time

He pinches your cheek to see if you will do anything

You hum into him, you can't say anything right now

He starts to undress you, tossing your clothes near the bed

Then you both go into the bathroom, and you get placed into the bath while he runs the water

You put your knees up to your chest and lean your head on them

‘You are tired?’

You hum to that as you yawn

Going back to bed sounds better than anything right now

He scrubs you raw, washing your hair to the best of his abilities

Your hair is tangled and possibly matted, but it could be worse

He rinses you off before putting you on the floor

He dries you off and brings you to the bed

Dressing you in his boxers and shirt

‘Stay put. I am getting you fruit and milk to help give you good nutrients.’

‘Fruit and milk?’

You're giggling, you don't know why

He comes over and scratches your stomach

‘Did you want something else?’

‘I’m not hungry right now, maybe we can eat later..’

‘Oh. When did you last eat?’

‘I don't remember’

You're curled up in the blankets, close to going to bed

‘Then I will get you milk and fruit. Please try to eat when I come back with it.’

‘Okay..’

After he comes back he makes you brush your teeth before eating, then he helps you eat

You're shaking a lot and you don't even realize it

And you have trouble holding the bowl with fruit or drinking the milk

So he holds your chin and slowly tips the milk so you can drink

Then he feeds you pieces of fruit at your own pace

After he brushes out your hair, humming into your neck when he's finished

Picking you up, he rolls around with you in his arms on the bed

Then he lays ontop of you with his head in your neck

‘I am..here for you, even if no one else is’

‘Thank you’

You're crying now

And he lets you

He lets you cry however much you need to

And he doesn't leave you

He doesn't even think about it

It's you and him

If you have 100 supporters he is one of them

If you only have 1 that is him

If everyone was against you he would stay right by your side

You fall asleep in each other's arms

Nothing is wrong

You are at peace

You are fine with being someone

You are okay with living

Then you start a family but while pregnant you are MURDERED by Kuai Liang (you know he would, he was going to kill Frost but Harumi stopped him) and it is now Bi-Han against the world. He's alone again 🎀

[ryuzakistoe]

The Rin x Reader story is great! Can you please make a part 3 for with angst with bad ending? After Rin came back from the Blue Lock, he learned that the reader passed away and also learned that she passed away the day the last time he saw her.

YESS I DEFINITELY CANN I HOPE U ENJOY THIS‼️😌

Reunited once more PART 3 ANGST VER. (Rin Itoshi x Fem!reader)

Lots of angst, language, depression, self-blame, fem!reader, breaking down Rin Itoshi😢

a/n: I'm definitely doing my boy isagi next😅😏

“Rin…”

Its no use…how could you tell him now?

“Please…wait..”

You haven't even told him about your condition.

“Come back..”

With each passing second, his figure grew smaller and smaller.

Its too late now.

He's gone.

…

You fell onto your knees as you began to cough out blood.

Shit…please…not now…

Your eyes welled up with tears once more as you clenched the fabric of your shirt over your heart.

You didn't get to tell him about your heart condition.

The pain in your chest was almost unbearable as you began to cry harder.

Your vision began to fade to black as you prayed for Rin to come back.

“Rin…”

Those were the last words you mumbled before you finally collapsed onto the hard, cold floor.

~~~🥀~~~

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

You let out a groan as you slowly opened your eyes.

You let out a soft wince as your eyes were blinded by light.

As you adjusted to the brightness, you began to take in your surroundings.

‘Where am I..?’

You moved your head towards the side as you saw a familiar figure sitting besides your bed.

“Mom..?” you weakly mumbled.

Hearing her name, your mother perked her head up.

Her eyes were swollen, as if she was already crying.

“Y/n! Goodness you're awake. Baby… what happened? I found you on the floor outside…what were you doing? You know how dangerous that is with your condition.” your mother lectured as she began to hug you.

“I know mom, I know.” you mumbled as you laid stiff on the bed, not having the current energy to hug her back.

“Baby…tell me, what were you doing outside?” your mother asked once more.

Your eyes welled up with tears as you recalled the events from earlier.

“I don't remember.” you lied as you shifted your gaze from your mom to your hands.

A slight frown made way to her face.

“Sweetie…just know that you can trust me okay..?” your mother softly spoke as she began stroking your hair before getting up from the chair.

“I know mom.” you forcefully smiled as you blinked the tears away.

Your mother smiled back before walking away towards the door.

She gave you one last worried look before shutting the door and leaving the room.

As soon as she left, the tears that you had been holding back resurfaced.

You let out a choked sob as your tears began to gush out.

Your eyes began to get all puffy and your nose all red.

“Im so sorry Rin..” you whispered as you continued to cry.

~~~🥀~~~

A few hours have passed, and with each passing hour, you felt increasingly drained.

Every slight movement caused excruciating agony to surge through your body.

It felt as if your body was on fire.

You lay there, motionless, as the nurses came in to check on you.

As the nurses checked your IV and your stability, the doctor soon entered with a displeased expression.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“Miss Y/n, its safe to assume that your condition is not getting any better. I'm sorry but…your not going to make it.”

Huh? What?

Your breathing came to a halt as you processed his words.

‘Not going to make it’

‘Condition not getting better’

‘Im sorry..’

Those words kept swirling in your mind.

Was that it? You were going to…die?

“If you have any last requests you’d like to make, would you like to do them now?” the doctor spoke, making sure to keep the most respectful tone.

“Does…my mom know?” you softly uttered as your tears began to arise once more.

“We have alerted your mom already, she was here earlier when you fell asleep.” the doctor answered.

“I see,” you said as you tried to hold back your tears and frustration. You were not ready to bear the pain once more through crying.

“Would you like to be alone Miss Y/n? To recollect and process your thoughts?” The doctor suggested.

“Yes please.” you weakly muttered as you began to space out.

With a nod, the doctor and nurses respectfully left as they quietly shut the door.

As you lay there, a few tears couldn't help but escape from your eyes, despite your efforts to hold them back.

You refrained from sobbing or thrashing around, knowing it would cause unbearable pain in your body.

All you could think of right now was Rin.

There were so many things that you didn't get to tell him.

For example, your condition.

You didn't even get to tell him that you loved him—romantically.

But there were other things you didn't get to tell him.

However you were expecting this to happen, so you wrote down everything you wanted to tell him on your phone.

You left your phone without a passcode so that Rin could easily access it.

Finally, he will be able to understand how you felt.

About him.

About you.

About everyone else.

About things you like.

About things you dislike.

About everything.

~~~🥀~~~

“CODE BLUE CODE BLUE—”

Hospital staff and nurses rushed into the room you were stationed at.

“Ma’am please step aside. Everyone is doing the best they can.” One of the nurses spoke as they tried to calm down your mother.

Your mother's anguished cries echoed through the hallway, after all, her beloved child was dying.

A group of hospital staff hurriedly brought you into the emergency room as they tried to keep you alive.

The heart monitor appeared to be showing an irregular and alarming increase in speed.

The nurses and doctors did everything in their willpower to wake you up.

You were unconscious and your life was slipping away.

Other nurses tried holding your mom back from entering the room.

Screams and crys were heard from her as they kept her out the room.

Of course, they felt bad and pitiful but what could they do? They had to let the professionals do their job.

They had to help you live.

…

A few weeks had passed and Rin was finally taking a break from blue lock.

He decided to go back to his hometown for the meanwhile.

He went to visit his mom and maybe even you.

Although would you want to see him? He's been questioning that.

Soon enough, he’ll get his answer.

Hopefully.

Rin finally arrived at his destination as he knocked on the door.

A few seconds later, his mother opened the door.

Usually, she would be ecstatic to see him. But right now, she seemed…mournful.

“Rin, your home.” she sadly smiled as she opened the door for him, allowing him inside.

“Yeah, I am. Is something wrong?” he asked as he observed his mother's actions.

His mother paused at his words, her eyes welling up as she responded.

“Rin…i think you need to sit down for this..” his mother wobbily spoke as she led him to the couch.

“Mom what happened?” he asked once more as he felt his body coursing with anxiety.

Rin wasn't sure what to expect as his mother let out a heavy sigh, revealing that the words she was about to speak were going to be difficult for the both of them.

“Rin…Y/n…she..”

"She what?" he asked as his mother paused mid-sentence.

He felt his anxiety worsened at the mention of Y/n.

Had something happened to her while he was gone?

He didn't want to think that but the way his mother is acting…it must've been bad.

"Rin, she passed away," his mother softly whispered as she hung her head low.

Rin's mind seemed to have stopped as he stared at his mother.

‘Passed…away..?’

How?

You seemed fine when he left. Well…not totally fine mentally. But physically you were fine.

Right?

“Mom, this isn't something to joke over, you know-”

“Rin.”

Hearing his name he paused.

He observed at how his mom lifted her head up.

Her eyes were all red and puffy.

Her breathing was uneven.

Her lip quivered ever so slightly.

He scanned her face, trying to detect if there were any lies or fake acts.

Unfortunately…he found none.

He felt his heart drop.

‘No…but…how..?’

He sat there, motionless.

He didn't want to believe it, no way.

His eyes began to sting.

Was he…crying?

He lifted his hand to touch his face.

Just as expected, he felt tears.

Before long, he felt more tears welling up. He couldn't hold them back.

Tears poured uncontrollably from his eyes, he tried to restrain them, but his tears flowed as they showed no signs of stopping.

It was too much to handle.

He didn't even get to say goodbye to you.

But most importantly…how did you…

“Mom…” he whispered as his voice cracked a little.

“Yes Rin..?” his mom sniffled as she used a tissue to wipe her stained face.

“How did she…” he trailed off, not wanting to finish the words.

“Heart failure...” his mother answered.

He let out a quiet sob.

Why? Why didn't you tell him?

He couldn't help but blame himself. He would've never done what he did if he knew you were going to pass away.

No…he would've spent all his time with you.

“Before I forget Rin…Y/n…she wanted you to have this. It was her final request.” his mom softly spoke, breaking Rin out of his thoughts to hand him your phone.

He quietly grabbed your phone as fresh tears were stuck on his face.

“I think you should read it in a more private space.” his mom whispered as she felt concerned for Rin.

After all, she did always see them together almost every day.

With a nod, Rin forced himself up and began walking to his room.

He opened his door and plopped down on the bed, staring at your phone.

After a while of mentally preparing himself, he finally unlocked your phone to find out you had no passcode.

You probably really did want him to have your phone.

As he looked through your phone, he finally opened the app, ‘notes.’

The first note to ever pop up was titled, “For Rin.”

Rin hesitantly clicked on it as he slowly read your notes.

‘Hey Rin, if your reading this then I guess its already happened. I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you earlier, I just didn't want to burden you any further and ‘force’ you to stay. You probably wouldn't even believe me and think that I would be making it all up just to get you to stay for my selfish reasons.’

“You were never a burden to me…” Rin softly whispered as he felt his eyes stinging once more.

He felt his warm tears drip down his face and land on your phone.

Nevertheless, he kept reading.

‘Beaides all that, I just wanted to tell you that this ‘heart condition’ has been going on for a while since I was young. I never thought to bring it up back then because I didn't want my silly condition to get in the way of our fun.

Now I realize that it was stupid of me to not bring it up as it only worsened from that point on.

All those times when I said I couldn't play because I was ‘sick’ and had a ‘fever’ were all partially true but it wasn't the whole truth.

The day that you left, I wanted to tell you right then and there everything, but couldn't.

When you were gone from my vision, I suddenly collapsed and woke up in the hospital.

The doctor told me I didn't have long left to live.

When he told me those words, I felt like breaking down.

Surprisingly, I didn't but still felt very miserable by the news.

But to be honest, all I could think about was you, Rin.

Even though I'm gone, I still want you to pursue your dreams and live on without me, although you probably already are.

“Dont be silly Y/n…i can't without you here..” Rin softly murmured, his vision getting blurry from all the tears. Yet, he still continued to read.

‘Oh, and before this note ends I want to tell you one last thing.

Rin, I love you. I always have as a matter of fact.

And no, its not in a friendship way but more of a romantic way.

You see Rin, ever since we were little I always had a little crush on you. But I mean who wouldn't?! You were so cute back then! And now your even more cuter! Handsome too!

Soon, that ‘little crush’ developed into love.

I never told you because I never wanted to ruin the friendship we had although its already kinda ruined already.

And even if you ever did feel the same way, (which I kinda doubt but who knows?!) I'm sorry that you had to find out this way.

Maybe in another life we could be happy together without my stupid condition. Romantically or not.

And in that next life, if it is romantically, I hope we could strive together and have a future with the two of us in it, with me actually confessing to you in person.

But if its in a friendship way, I hope we can still stick together like back then.

But right now, in this lifetime, it seems as if it can't be either of those two.

Promise me one thing though Rin, please take care of yourself.

I love you.’

-Y/n

He felt like he couldn't breathe.

His hand started shaking violently as he dropped the phone onto the bed.

His sobs became louder and louder as seconds passed by.

“Y/n…” he choked out as he began to tug on his hair.

The pain in his heart was insufferable.

He's never broken down like this ever since the Sae incident.

But this…this was definitely worse than the day Sae neglected him.

It was about you, and you were gone. Long gone.

He couldn't help but let out a frustrated scream as he threw his clutter across the room.

His crying escalated into a full breakdown as all he could think about in the moment was how much he regretted his actions.

He's never hated himself as much as right now.

Would all of this have been different if he never pushed you away?

Well, no, of course not. It's not like he can change your heart condition, but he could have at least provided you with support.

He could have at least let you rest peacefully, with you knowing that he still cared for you.

But you probably thought that he hated you.

And he hated the idea of that.

The idea of you passing with the belief of him hating you made him feel such overwhelming and intolerable guilt.

With fists clenched together so tightly, his nails pierced through his palm as his knuckles turned pure white.

He let out a frustrated cry as he punched his wall.

This was his breaking point.

He slumped against the wall, pulling his legs to his chest and burying his face in his arms, overcome with violent sobs.

“I love you too Y/n…” he whispered.

~~~🥀~~~

Days have passed and Rin hasn't been able to get much sleep.

It was noticeable too.

Rin had heavy eyebags as he wasn't speaking as much.

Every day, he would always lock himself in his room.

He would lie down on his bed, feeling numb as he blamed himself for all that's happened.

Some nights, he would curl up into a ball on his bed and cry all night.

He would cry himself to sleep.

Your missing presence really affected him.

…

Today, he had planned to visit the graveyard, as he did almost every day when he had the time.

Arriving at your tombstone, he fell to his knees, tears welling up in his eyes once again.

“Y/n…I really can't do this without you.” he mumbled as replaced the old flowers with new ones.

Every day, Rin would always be the one to look after your tombstone.

On rainy days, he would place a small umbrella over your gravestone to prevent mold from growing on it.

And every time the flowers were wilting away, he would always be the one to replace them with your favorite flowers.

“Y/n…I don't know what to do without you. I need you here with me…”

Rin bit his lower lip as he tried to compress a sob.

“I miss you…I miss you so much it hurts.” Rin muttered as he wiped his tears away with his sleeve.

Although it was pointless, his tears just kept flowing.

“Fuck this…I can't do this anymore.” Rin grumbled as he gripped the hem of his shirt tightly.

“Y/n…Y/n come back to me…please!” Rin sobbed as he slammed his fists onto the ground.

“Tell me this is all just one big joke Y/n! Tell me your not really gone!”

Of course, he knew all too well that this wasn't a joke.

It was real life.

You were really gone.

Rin hunched over as he began to cry into his palms.

“I love you Y/n…I wish I could've told you too…”

a/n: omg I'm so tired but anyways I hope you liked this

OH and I also got the ‘notes’ thing reference from that one K-drama “Drawing Closer” bro…that made me cry so bad😭

Zoo wee mama🤤

[whosavaidkher]

All I Wanted Was You

Lucifer Morningstar X fem reader

song to listen to while reading:

warning: death, mentions of bl00d, angst, mentions of insecurity and self hate, reader being a people pleaser.

A/N: This is lowkey a self reflection but ignore that 😭 if you feel anyway similar like this fic, pls know that u can vent 2 me <3, also I forgot abt the poll I made😭, Hope u enjoy!!

It was 2am and you had just gotten into a argument with one of your friends about how your too selfless and a "people pleaser". Currently, you're trying to desperately call Lucifer to come and pick you up as you sob in the pouring rain in Hell. Lucifer finally answers.

"Sweetie? What's wrong, my dear?" Lucifer says nervously as he hears you sob on the phone. "Please just come pick me up.. I'll explain later.. Just please.." You say in tears as he immediately hangs up and rushes to pick you up. As soon as he finds you, he rushes to you and flies you home. When you guys arrive home. He sets you down to talk. "Sweetie, what happened? Please, I'm not forcing you to tell me, only if you want to, my dear.." Lucifer mumbles as he holds you in his arms, like you were the most precious and delicate person in all of heaven and hell. You didn't wanna tell him cause you knew he would be disappointed and sad, and you hated to see anyone feeling that way. You always let people vent or talk to you, letting their feelings out. If anyone wanted to be mean, you'd let them be mean to you, you could take it. You could take all the judgement and pain that they give you and not care. You were stronger than people gave you credit for. That's what everyone thought. You finally opened your mouth and started to talk to Lucifer.

"Sometimes I just feel like.. My whole life is about making the people I love happy and not about me.. Like I couldn't care less about myself, just what others think of me.. Always trying to change myself for society to like me, but they never do.." You say with tears and your voice breaking, shattering into pieces. Lucifer looked into your eyes and immediately his heart sank, not a feeling of disappointment or dissatisfaction in his mind. Only shocked. He would do anything for you, his darling, his sweetheart. And the way he didn't know about this made him feel terrible. Shockingly, he wasn't angry when he spoke. "My dove, please don't ever think that way.. You don't have to please anyone or make anyone happy, don't break bones or damage yourself for a few compliments or smiles from people." Lucifer says as he gently hugged you and let you cry it out in his arms. "Really..?" You mumbled as he caressed your lovely hair and admired your true, non fake self.

"Yes.. I will love you no matter what, angel or sinner, in heaven or hell, dead or living, angel or god. I would rip every crevice of earth, Venus, Saturn, even hell for you. I love you more than any species ever created." Lucifer says proudly and gently, cupping your cheeks as he kissed and wiped away your tears. He held you in his arms as you two slept peaceful st night.

Days later, you would find yourself surrounded by angels, Lucifer standing by your side. He was fighting an angel until he suddenly saw you stabbed right in your filled with love heart. He ran towards you as you dropped to the ground, a loud thud as the demons glanced from afar as they fought. You placed his hand on your chest to feel your heartbeat go from speeding to slowing down. His face dropped and felt every bone in his body tense up. Tears ran down his face as you slowly opened your lips. "Just lean on my arms and break my heart.. Maybe in another universe, I can make every one satisfied.." You whispered as you took your final breath and your eyes shut.

"You already did.. In every universe, I love you and will be in every single universe with you.." Lucifer whispered to you as his tears flooded on your bloody body, holding you close like he always did.

[shintin]

Forget Me Not: Chapter 37 (Knock, knock, knock)

↳ Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Description: Having fallen into this world, you were forced to shed blood to survive. But what about when you get tired, when you think the blood on your hands won’t wash off and give up because you have nothing to lose?

Yep, you were there, at rock bottom, rolling in the deep.

Then, there came a day when life gave you a new chance to live, laugh, and love, or so she thought.

Genre: heavy angst, sad love story, maybe tragedy, violence, lonely hearts, broken souls, +18.

Tags/Warnings: nothing but angst.

Song Recommendation: Mitski - I Bet on Losing Dogs

Chapter index -> Next Chapter

Year: 2019

Y/N lay on her side of the bed, quietly watching him. Unaware of her presence, he blinked, trying to pinpoint when she had entered the room. Suddenly, he noticed she was utterly motionless, a kind of stillness that was distinctly hers. The realization struck him, and he took a breath, fully aware of the impossibility of this moment.

Yet, despite his awareness, a delightful sensation of blooming flowers filled his stomach, their soft petals caressing every inch of his nervous system. It felt like he had been granted three wishes: to see, feel, and have her once more. It was the most peculiar phenomenon—an extraordinary, joyous impossibility delicately wrapped in tissue paper, tied with a bow, and safely tucked away in his heart.

Everything felt incredibly authentic, to the point where he could even sense the fragrance of lemons and the scent of the sea enveloping her.

Satoru nervously swallowed, slowly raising his hand. His eyes widened in surprise as his finger touched her face's smooth skin. She went still as he gently cupped her cheek, which felt as soft as velvet petals. His fingers then traced along the curve of her neck and explored the scars on her shoulders.

She didn't say a word, but her eyes remained on him.

As his gaze returned to her face, he was taken aback by the way she looked at him. Her eyes carried a weight that worried him, yet her expression remained tender, focused, and brimming with emotion that he found it difficult to look away, captivated by her presence.

She closed her eyes, and he couldn't help but observe even the simplest actions she took: adjusting her weight, her hair sliding across the pillow, and the subtle trembling of her lips. All six of his eyes followed every movement of her body. This moment with her felt incredibly strange, causing his chest to tighten and his heart to race. She had a way of making him long to remain trapped in this dream indefinitely.

Then, she came closer and closer and closer.

Reluctant to disturb the enchantment of the moment, he reached out silently and held her hand as if she were a lonely, fluffy cloud in the sky, destined to vanish with the northern winds. He brought her palm to his lips, planting a gentle kiss upon it, desperately hoping it would dispel the emptiness in her eyes. But alas, the stubborn void remained steadfast. He managed a melancholic smile as she pressed her cheek against his palm, and he delicately brushed strands of hair away from her face. Something stirred within him, a surge of warmth accompanying the movement of her head. Leaning closer, she gently pressed her forehead against his, her breath caressing his nose like a gentle breeze.

"Please stay," Satoru whispered, tightly closing his eyes.

Expecting her to leave him again, he was caught off guard when her lips brushed against his chin. In response, a raw cry escaped his throat, resonating with longing. His mouth parted, and the warmth of her sweetened throat flowed into him. At that moment, he was incapable of thought or action, consumed only by the exquisite experience of savoring her presence. Each breath she took, every gentle movement of her lips, felt like a miraculous gift after weeks of separation.

He drew her near and kissed her, kissing her with such intensity that time seemed to lose its grip. In that fleeting moment, he momentarily forgot the misery of his life without her.

The bliss was limitless, but she broke the kiss, and her leg brushed against his. Opening his eyes, he found her smiling—a small, secretive smile that conveyed so many unspoken sentiments, the kind that no one else could ever say to him.

Was it possible to hold onto her, to make her stay? He kissed her gently on the forehead, the curve of her nose, and the corner of her lips. Under his touch, she seemed to swell, to grow more vibrant.

"Satoru?" she spoke, breaking her silence for the first time.

"Yes?"

She shifted sideways, and he willingly made space for her by his side. She seamlessly filled the emptiness, nuzzling her face into his neck. It felt reminiscent of the old days, the days before she had vanished into oblivion. With closed eyes, he embraced the moment as if in prayer, and his heart sprang back to life.

Her hand let go of his beneath the sheets, only to settle on his waist and gently glide down his thigh. The touch nearly caused him to lose his composure, but then she planted a light kiss on his pure white hair. He gulped hard, suppressing the reminders of reality that threatened to flood his mind.

"I miss you," she uttered in a faint whisper he almost failed to catch.

"I'm here," he reassured, softly caressing her cheek. "Right here, Y/N."

But she shook her head, defying his attempt to draw her closer until she dissipated into thin air.

He blinked, his breath ragged and gasping as it moved in and out of his mouth in quick intervals. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his breathing so loud it resembled the sound of someone who had been running for a long time. And then, the familiar white walls of the room released their hold on him. He made a silent vow to himself that he would love to forget how to wake up one day.

Drenched in sweat, Satoru sighed and leaned against the headboard, taking deep breaths. He needed a moment, so he tightly shut his eyes until her face carved itself in his mind. These dreams were his only opportunity to be with her. Although he willingly let her go, he searched for her in the following days, not to bring her back but to ensure her safety.

Yet, it felt like the ground had opened up and swallowed her whole. She had returned to being the ghost she once was as if she had never existed, as if the echoes of her laughter hadn't filled this room just a few months ago, as if his body didn't still carry her scent. He ran his hand over his eyes and rested it on his neck.

Honestly, he had been considering the idea that Y/N might be a product of his imagination. Perhaps it was because he couldn't fathom how someone with a personality like hers could survive in this harsh world. Moreover, he struggled to comprehend why someone like her would show any interest in a heartless, self-centered person like him.

Yet, through the bond they shared, he could feel her existence. She was tangible, alive, moving forward without him. Yeah, that's the thing. The most challenging aspect wasn't letting her go; it was coming to terms with the fact that she didn't wish to remain, and that realization caused even greater pain.

Satoru berated himself and pushed the covers away, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and burying his head in his hand. He had hours of work ahead of him, yet her face continued to intrude into his thoughts, and he realized that a small part of him didn't want to dismiss the thoughts of her. Some part of him found solace in the torment it brought.

She was destroying him, the strongest.

He covered his mouth with his hand, realizing he was losing his sanity. Shaking his head, he collapsed onto the bed, placed a hand over his forehead, and then dragged it down his face in frustration. If only his stupid brain hadn't betrayed him, he would never have abandoned her at the wedding. Because, since that day, every decision he made seemed to be a regrettable mistake.

He turned his head and looked at the sheets.

He turned his gaze towards the sheets. She slept here, he thought. She had shared his bed, waking up beside him. In this bed, she had smiled, dreamed, moaned, laughed, and cried—all next to him. But now, her warmth was a distant memory. She had been here, and he had allowed her to slip away.

He had lost her.

What could he do now?

She despised him.

She despised him, and the chance of ever seeing her again was uncertain. It was entirely his fault. When he had acted foolishly, he should have anticipated the consequences.

These dreams and memories might be all he had remaining of her.

His hand lingered over the sheets, attempting to conjure her presence beside him, even if only in his imagination, even if only for a fleeting moment within the confines of his mind.

The prospect of a negative outcome filled him with terror. What if he never had the chance to see her again? The thought weighed heavily on his mind, causing him to grip the sheets tightly, and in frustration, he forcefully slammed his fist against the bed.

It's funny how quickly he grew accustomed to her presence in this place. It brought him an odd sense of comfort, knowing they would share the same roof and sleep in the same bed.

Her presence in the school changed everything for him. The months she spent here marked the first time in years that he truly savored living in these dorms since his teenage days. He looked forward to her smiles, tantrums, and even absurd arguments.

Now, Satoru longed for her to be here, to shout at him. He would have congratulated her if she had ever slapped him across the face.

But she never did. She packed her anger and disappointment and left.

Oh, God! He wished he could sink into the ground. The proof of her presence was so vivid and real that it made it unbearable for him to remain in this place. He couldn't seek refuge in missions, as he was obligated to stay in the school for the investigation regarding Y/N's flee.

Higher-ups didn't know he was the one who planned her escape. Even if they knew, that wouldn't change anything in his end. He had no reprieve from the consequences of his actions.

After all, he was consumed by a profound sense of hopelessness.

The clock had ticked past five in the morning, and it felt like he hadn't slept in days. However, he could scarcely bear to shut his eyes. He couldn't bear the solitude with his thoughts or confront the vulnerabilities within himself. He felt broken, held together solely by obligation. He had unsuccessfully attempted to express the jumble of emotions clouding his mind, but to whom? Who would comprehend him? Who would believe that what he was experiencing surpassed a mere binding vow?

Kento Nanami and Shoko Ieiri? Not quite. Their relationship never quite clicked for them. They couldn't comprehend how someone like Satoru, with his diverse preferences in partners, could be an emotional match for anyone, especially someone like Y/N: a girl who ate, slept, and breathed emotion. They always believed that Y/N gave him too much credit and that she tolerated too much of his nonsense.

They were correct in their assessment, but her appearance or the sense of being desired didn't make him fall in love with her. It was the trust they shared and the comforting sensation of finding a home. He had never experienced it before, as he had always felt alone. When he was held in her embrace, he felt warmth for the first time. Y/N was his home.

Indeed, Satoru was engulfed in his misery, isolated and without companionship.

His loneliness was a vicious creature. It sneaked up on him silently, sitting by his side in the darkness, gently caressing his hair as he stared off. It wrapped around his very bones, constricting so tightly that he struggled to catch his breath. It planted falsehoods in his heart, lying beside him at night, draining the light from every corner. Loneliness became a constant companion without her, holding his hand only to pull him down when he tried to rise.

Even when he was prepared to let it go, break free, and start anew, loneliness remained an old acquaintance standing beside him in the mirror, challenging him to try and live without it. He couldn't find the words to resist himself, to battle against the inner voices screaming for her return—wanting her back, wanting her back, wanting her back, and knowing deep down it wasn't possible.

Loneliness was a bitter, wrenching companion.

"Is this what you felt all along, Y/N?" he whispered into the empty room. He tried to convince himself that it was merely a meaningless dream, but he was deceiving himself. The truth was, witnessing her sadness carved into his unconsciousness became too overwhelming, and the thought of her suffering inflicted unbearable agony upon him. Knowing that she had endured all these pains.

He had thrown her into this situation, causing her to be discarded and harmed. Guilt drowned him, immersing him in a world where he unexpectedly delved into feeling her pain so deeply.

It was killing him.

He stood up and began pacing back and forth in his bedroom until he mustered the courage to keep his shits together.

The room carried the fragrance of morning rain, saturated with traces of her presence. The air was dim and infused with an earthy scent. He inhaled deeply and approached the window, pressing his fingers against the chilly glass. His breath began to fog up. He closed his eyes, listening to the gentle patter of rain rushing in the wind. Right now, raindrops served as a reminder that clouds possessed a pulse, as did he.

When he was a child—of course, with no friend— he often pondered the nature of raindrops. He marveled at how they descended, stumbling over their feet, breaking their legs, and forsaking their parachutes as they trembled from the sky toward an uncertain fate. It seemed someone was emptying their pockets over the Earth, indifferent to where the contents would land. They didn't seem to mind that the raindrops would burst upon hitting the ground, or that they would shatter upon reaching the floor, or that people would resent the days when the drops dared to tap on their doors.

Now that he thought, he realized that Y/N was like a raindrop. Despite enduring hit after hit, bruise after bruise, tear after tear, she persevered and moved forward, facing her fears. Yet, when their paths intersected, he emptied himself of her presence and left her to evaporate, utterly alone.

How could he be such a monstrous person?

He pressed his forehead against the glass pane, feeling the familiar embrace of the cold against his skin. He couldn't continue living in constant pain every minute of the day, as it was unsustainable. On the other hand, if the pain ceased, she would be gone, and he couldn't bear that either.

He took a sharp breath to clear his mind, clenching and unclenching his fist, when his attention was drawn to the scar on his palm. It served as a poignant reminder. He was about to trace his fingers along its jagged edges when a knock sounded at the door.

Knock, knock, knock! The door swung open, revealing Satoru with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and a sly grin on his face. "Hey, Granny! Got any spare ice for your lovely neighbor?" he asked, leaning casually against the door frame and peering at her through his shades.

"No," Y/N replied curtly, her annoyance evident as she tried to close the door. But Satoru held it firmly, her surprised gaze bouncing between his hand and his oddly pleased expression. What kind of power play was this that the infamous Satoru Gojo had initiated? She kept her distance, ready with a hidden knife up her sleeve, just in case.

"Don't you want to know why I need the ice?" Satoru inquired, his gaze fixed on where her hand and knife were concealed behind the door.

"No," she replied tersely.

"It's for my Scotch!" Satoru exclaimed, throwing his arms up in mock excitement.

"You don't drink," she retorted, her grip on the door tightening, fully aware that this flimsy door wouldn't stand a chance if Satoru had any intentions.

"Awww," Satoru pouted, winking at her over his glasses. "You sure know a lot about me." His grin widened. "But did you know that my six eyes can see your little knife?" He pointed directly at the spot where she had hidden her blade.

She took a deep breath, lips pressed together tightly. "Good night!" she declared, slamming the door in his face with frustration and determination.

 *

Knock, knock, knock! The door creaked open, revealing Satoru. Again. "Hello, my favorite coffin dodger! I'm in desperate need of bobby pins!"

With an exasperated sigh, she leaned her head against the door frame, rolling her eyes. "Do I even want to know why?"

Satoru's smile grew wider as if this was all part of his grand plan. He pointed at the stray hairs falling over his forehead. "Ever since you ripped off my blindfold, these stubborn hairs keep getting stuck in my night cream!" To emphasize the point, he raised an eyebrow and shook his head, demonstrating that his hair was not moving an inch.

Her eyes remained fixed on his forehead, surprise evident in her gaze. "You use facial creams?"

Satoru struggled to contain his laughter. Despite her reputation as a skilled murderer, her emotions were easy to read, which amused him greatly. "You don't?" He covered his mouth with his hand as if sharing scandalous news. "No wonder you look like grandmothers!"

Her eyes quickly snapped back to his face, her furrowed brows and deathly glares revealing her annoyance and anger. It must have been a mistake. How could someone like her, infamous for being a monster, have such a vulnerable side? Was she the same angel of death he had encountered years ago on his deathbed, or had he completely misjudged her all this time? Damn it, ever since she touched him, his instincts couldn't be trusted. There was an enigmatic pull towards her that he couldn't quite pinpoint.

Lost in his thoughts, he heard her sharp retort, "Go to hell, you asshole!" followed by the slamming of the door.

 *

Knock, knock, knock. The door reluctantly opened, revealing a woman irritated by the late hour. "For God's sake, it's 3 in the morning—" Her eyes widened in disbelief at the absurd sight before her. "What the fuck?!"

Satoru had his t-shirt folded up to his stomach, using it like a kangaroo pouch to carry random stuff. What a clown! But despite her best efforts, her eyes couldn't resist sneaking glances at his abs and the fine white hairs under his navel. Is that his happy trail?

Y/N never had time for these kinds of games in her straightforward life. Maybe that's why she always fell into the white fox's trap, or perhaps she was just a bunny who enjoyed being hunted by this hunter who found any excuse to occasionally knock on her door and play with his prey. But no matter what, he always managed to surprise her.

"Hey! Pervert!" he exclaimed, waving his hand. "My face is up here!"

Her eyes slowly and somewhat reluctantly made their way back up, her blush becoming more pronounced with every passing second. And boy, if it were any other time, he would have grinned with victory at this triumph. But for now, he kept a neutral expression. "I need you to hide these sweets!"

She bit her lower lip as he casually took her hands and pulled her in closer, way too close for comfort. He emptied all the chocolates from his t-shirt into her hands, her fingers brushing against his chiseled body for a fleeting moment, sending a warmth surging through her that felt completely foreign. She lowered her head, desperately wishing her hair would cover her face and hide her embarrassment. What the fuck was wrong with her?

But of course, Satoru didn't stop there. He then took her shoulders and guided her back to her room, leaving her completely dazed. "If I knock on your door in an hour asking for sweets, don't open it for me. Got it?"

Was he going to show up again in an hour? This was too much to handle; she knew it. But her brain was short-circuiting, so she simply nodded, still keeping her head down.

"Don't trust me, even if I try to trick you," he warned, gently brushing her hair away from her face and locking his gaze with hers. "Okay, Y/N?"

She gulped, not daring to question her own sanity or the bizarre nature of this encounter. "Okay," she managed to utter.

Satoru grinned in satisfaction, stepped back, and closed the door with a smile, leaving her standing in the middle of the room, utterly confused, with a bunch of chocolates in her hands.

 *

Knock, knock, knock. He anxiously watched as the door swung open, revealing the hallway's darkness. " Do you like Kento?" The words slipped out of his mouth quicker than he intended. Desperate for her answer, he gripped the door frame.

"What?" She stood before him, dressed in red, aware that she was merely a plaything to entertain his boredom, but he was someone she desired more than anything in her life.

"Are you in love with Kento? Just tell me. Yes or no, Y/N?"

The urgency in Satoru's voice and the concern in his eyes made her lift her head and meet his gaze. What kind of game was he playing this time? Regardless, she was too weary to care anymore. "No," she whispered, looking away.

His wishes came true for once, and he got what he had longed for. He promised himself he wouldn't mess it up this time. He vowed to do whatever it took to protect this treasure. He took a step into the room, and Y/N instinctively stepped back, her last attempt to escape the fate that would shadow her life.

Counting down from ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...and one. Her back met the wall, and Satoru's lips found hers. There was no liberation in this love, so she closed her eyes and surrendered. His kiss deepened, and he promised her everything, everything she desired, as men in love often do. And despite herself, she trusted him, as women in love often do.

*

Knock, knock, knock. Satoru opened the door to find Y/N standing there, wearing a partially wet top and a sweatshirt that couldn't conceal her sweat. He wondered why she had come to his doorstep in such a rush. Despite the surprise, he didn't mind at all and actually enjoyed the sight of her. Observing her during her preparations, training, stretches, and even afterward became his new favorite meal of his six eyes.

With one hand on her side, she gestured towards the likely location of the training grounds. "I just saw Panda tossing Nobara around! Why aren't you supervising? What kind of sensei are you?"

Satoru casually shifted his gaze from her damp collarbones to her face. His half-opened eyes had a certain quality that his faint smile couldn't conceal. "What kind of sensei do you want me to be?" he asked, his voice husky as if he had just woken up. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame, shamelessly letting his eyes wander over her parted lips.

"I don't know!" She shrugged. "How about a responsible one?" she suggested, hoping he would take action and head to the training grounds upon hearing the news. However, he had no intention of doing so.

"Perhaps you could teach me," he proposed, his hand reaching for the hem of her waist, gently toying with the edge of her top. "During a private session," he added, his gaze locked onto hers.

"What the heck?" were the only words that came to her mind as he didn't wait for her response. He swiftly pulled her into the room and closed the door with a smooth kick. Her mind was filled with disbelief as Satoru stepped forward, cornering her. Their chests rose and fell with each deep breath as if they had just run for miles. There was a lingering desire in the air, an unspoken plea for vulnerability. Despite the years she had spent learning to defend herself, in that moment, she realized she wanted to be defenseless in front of him. There was an undeniable trust, a growing soft spot within her, certain that he would never harm her and she would be safe in his arms. He was the missing piece she had been searching for in her life.

She felt his warm delight as he called out her name. The tenderness in his voice returned, a tone he reserved for their private moments. He drew her closer, his hands enveloping her as if afraid she might vanish if he let go.

She softly whispered "Satoru" into the crook of his neck, and she could feel his hand sliding down her waist. He was her home, so she let him surround her.

He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. "You don't know what you do to me," he murmured, his voice gentle, smooth, and unhurried. She had never realized until now just how enticing his voice was.

His hand tenderly held hers as he leaned in, brushing his nose against the nape of her neck, causing her to stifle a moan. No one had ever touched her with such delicacy, treating her like a fragile cherry blossom. His lips lightly grazed her skin, and she couldn't help but whimper.

 He smiled. He was the reason for her racing heartbeat. He was responsible for those tears of happiness she tried to hide. He was enough for her, just as he was, without needing any proof or change to keep her by his side. As his hands explored her body, feeling and memorizing every curve, he kissed the top of her shoulder blade, gently tracing over her scars.

She rested her hands on his chest, causing him to open his eyes. Gently, he lifted her chin slightly. "I'll be a good sensei," he whispered. "I'll be good to you," he murmured, stroking her cheek and gently kissing her forehead. "I'll be good to anyone you wish."

She stared into his eyes, which seemed to hold a vast heart like the oceans and skies. Rising on her toes, she kissed him with hunger, desperation, and a longing to explore and savor him. He tasted like cotton candy with a hint of vanilla in his scent. Within moments, Satoru responded with an intense kiss, his hands encircling her neck while she attempted to remove his oversized T-shirt with her fingers.

They moved with a sense of urgency, driven by their desires. Satoru firmly grasped her hips, his hands exploring her body. His arms enveloped her with strength while his lips remained gentle. Her head spun with longing. His lips found their way to her neck, savoring her essence, consuming her completely.

She grabbed the waistband of his pants, not realizing how much it would excite him. In response, he lifted her by the waist, pressing her against the wall. His hands held her firmly, supporting her backside, causing her to wrap her legs around him instinctively.

As she tightly gripped his hair, their lips met again, intensifying the connection. His hands slid under her top, and both of them were breathing heavily. The tension grew as his pants tightened around his arousal while she clung to his T-shirt, driven by desperation.

"I'm telling you, I saw Y/N heading to her room. Why isn't she responding?" Yuji's voice echoed.

"Maybe she's taking a shower. It's a normal thing to do after training, you know," Nobara replied, her tone filled with righteousness.

"Maybe Gojo sensei knows where she is!"

"Can't we just leave everyone in this dorm wing alone?" Megumi suggested, feeling trapped.

Satoru let out a heavy breath, closed his eyes, and loosened his hold, allowing Y/N's feet to touch the floor, yet he didn't release her completely. She gently held his face in her hands and softly kissed the tip of his nose. "They'll go away if we stay quiet," he whispered, brushing his cheek against her damp, sweaty hair.

"They won't, and you know it," she whispered, leaning against his chest. She could feel the rhythm of his heartbeats, as well as the bulge pressed against her belly, causing her to blush and hide her face in his embrace.

"How about tonight, after 10?" she proposed, running her fingers through his hair, futilely attempting to neaten the tousled strands.

He drew back, his eyes widening as he gazed at her. "Tonight, after 10," he whispered, a wide grin spreading. He lightly brushed his thumb against her lower lip, only to be surprised when she kissed his palm and smiled as if this was a usual occurrence between two people who shared physical attraction. But there was something more, wasn't there? The soft pink hue on her cheeks and the way she smiled stirred something within him. What was this feeling that enveloped him whenever she was near?

Rubbing the back of his head, he walked back and cleared his throat, observing Y/N hastily fixing her hair, trying to conceal any signs of mischief like a naughty child.

"It's moments like these that make me question my morals. Can't we all peacefully share Y/N?" he declared, opening the door to his room.

A gentle nudge on Satoru's arm and Y/N appeared before the door. "What do you all need?"

Nobara and Yuji immediately started discussing urgent matters with Y/N, seemingly oblivious to the time constraints. Meanwhile, Megumi noticed how their sensei looked at her with a broad, nostalgic smile he hadn't seen in years. Oh, boy.

 *

Knock, knock, knock. The door opened instantly. Satoru had returned from a mission. "Sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean to — "

Before he could finish his sentence, her arms tightly wrapped around his waist. She trembled with cold, her eyes red and wet from another nightmare. Without hesitation, he pulled her close, resting her head against his chest, disregarding the dirt on his uniform.

"It was just a bad dream, Y/N. Only a dream," he reassured her. Yet, her sobs persisted. Holding her hand gently, he pressed a kiss on it. "Look," he urged, encouraging her to open her tightly shut eyes. "There is no blood on your hand." He tenderly stroked her hair and kissed her temple.

She stared at her hand, almost disbelieving that the blood had vanished upon his arrival. Sniffling, she remained silent for a while.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" he asked with concern.

She raised her head from his chest and remained silent.

"What's wrong?" He gently wiped away her tears with his thumb. He was the strongest, yet something about this formidable woman brought out his weaknesses.

"Oh, nothing," she replied, a faint smile appearing on her lips as she lowered her head.

"What's amusing?" He grasped her chin and lifted it. Her eyes were still red, but the sadness seemed to have dissipated. Nevertheless, being with her made him feel complete, and for the first time in a long while, he experienced genuine happiness. Was he falling in love with her?

"It's just..." Her words snapped him back to reality. "...this is the first time someone has asked me that," she paused. "It caught me off guard." Balancing on her tiptoes, she hugged him, humming softly. "Yeah, I think I'll be okay. Thank you for asking," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"Y/N." His arms tightened around her, assuring her he would never let go. He would hold her like this indefinitely if it would mend her broken pieces. Because she was the missing piece he had longed for in his life: she and her pure heart.

 *

Knock, knock, knock . Y/N rapped her knuckles against the wooden door. Knock, knock, knock. Silence greeted her. Trying again, she hit once more. Still no response. Her hand dropped to her side in the dimly lit hallway as Y/N leaned her forehead against the door. She had just arrived from Okinawa and Utahime's wedding, and despite her exhaustion, frustration, and the ache in her heart, she was determined to address the unspoken issue between them. She refused to accept that Satoru could be the person her eyes had seen that day. He couldn't be because what would that leave her to believe?

Knock, knock, knock. No answer.

It appeared that he was nowhere to be found.

*

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "Where the hell are you, Satoru?" Y/N's voice was raspy, and her arms and the side of her face bore bruises. She shouldn't have been out of bed.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as her fist continued pounding on the door while her other hand clutched her stomach. "We need you, Satoru. Where are you?" She turned and scanned her surroundings. Why had she hoped that Satoru would sense her pain and return? Collapsing onto the cold floor of the hallway, her back sliding against the door, silent tears stained her cheeks.

"Y/N? What brings you here?"

She raised her head from her knees and faced Shoko. She shrugged her shoulders. "I couldn't sleep." An obvious lie.

Shoko glanced at the door and then at her tear-streaked face, concern evident in her eyes. "Why don't you tell me exactly how you managed to defeat all those Gojo jerks?" she suggested, settling down beside her. Nights like these were better endured with a companion so the darkness wouldn't win over the dawn.

*

"I think he might be sleeping, or he's not in his room," Megumi's whisper came from behind the door.

Ignoring the explanation he had just heard, Yuji knocked on the door again. "He can't leave the school. Once he's cleared from the investigations, they'll assign him as Y/N's executioner again," Yuji commented without bothering to lower his voice. "And if he's sleeping, well, he's a teacher. How about being responsible for once?"

"What if he's also feeling sad? I mean, I know she was a part of your family, but I believe she was his family too," Megumi whispered, the words not concealed behind the door and reaching Satoru's ears.

"What?" Yuji exclaimed. "Are you saying he's miserable? Did someone inform you about something?"

Megumi began mumbling once more. "Didn't you want to witness him in pain? I thought that was the entire purpose of us being here."

Yuji let out a sigh. "That doesn't mean I want to see him messed up. I'm still angry at him, but I must talk to him!"

"You know Y/N didn't leave because of him, right?"

"I know," Yuji replied. He fell silent for a moment before speaking again. "But I haven't forgotten his significant role. If he hadn't broken her heart—"

"He did what he did to protect her. It wasn't healthy for her to be around him, Yuji."

"Fine," Yuji scoffed. "Stop defending your stepfather!"

"Ugh, Yuji. You need to—"

Megumi's sentence was abruptly cut off by the sudden swing of the door, revealing their sensei standing in the doorway with messy hair. The sight of their sensei caught them off guard, but it was Satoru who seemed particularly affected. He instinctively lowered his head, his hand reaching for his sunglasses in an attempt to hide his red-rimmed eyes behind the dark lenses. Although he tried to conceal it, Satoru couldn't shake off the feeling that Yuji had caught a glimpse of the dark circles beneath his eyes. This suspicion was confirmed by the noticeable softening of Yuji's previously furrowed expression as if he understood the silent struggles Satoru was going through.

Satoru abandoned the effort it took to punish himself. Maybe he deserved to have a companion in these hard days. Talking to a real human being might make things a little easier. He practiced using his voice, shaping his lips around the familiar words unfamiliar to his mouth.

Satoru, amidst his inner turmoil, finally reached a point of surrender. The weight of self-punishment became too heavy, and he realized he deserved to have someone by his side, especially during these challenging times. The notion of connecting with another person and engaging in a conversation started to stir within him as a glimmer of relief.

Pretending not to hear Yuji and Megumi's earlier talks, Satoru spoke, "How can I help you, kids?" However, his voice felt strange, unrecognizable even to himself. The usual playfulness and goofiness that accompanied his conversations with students were absent.

Megumi's gaze shifted between the two of them.

"I have a favor to ask of you," Yuji said, deliberately avoiding making direct eye contact with his sensei.

Satoru fully opened the door and stepped aside. "Then come on in," he invited Yuji, his tone welcoming. He then turned to Megumi with a grateful smile. Megumi's defense of him in front of Yuji held great significance. "And what about you, Megumi? Care to join us inside?"

The boy with black hair scratched the back of his neck. "No, thanks. I have to join Maki," he replied. "She's waiting for me at the training grounds," he added, glancing at Yuji one last time and nodding before turning away and walking off.

As Satoru gently closed the door behind him, his gaze fell upon Yuji, who was already seated at the table and waiting quietly. He understood that this discussion would be far from easy, as it required delving into painful truths and facing the consequences of his actions.

Satoru had to face the fact that, in a way, he was responsible for his brothers' deaths, too. It was a bitter pill to swallow, acknowledging his role in their tragic fate. Yet, amidst the confusion and lingering questions, he found himself grappling with the perplexing connection between Y/N and Yuji. The circumstances surrounding their relationship remained shrouded in uncertainty, leaving Satoru with a sense of unease.

Summoning a deep breath, Satoru released a heartfelt sigh. Bracing himself, he approached Yuji, the atmosphere between them charged with unspoken emotions. He pulled out another chair, sat down, and positioned himself before Yuji, prepared to navigate the difficult interaction ahead.

Yuji's gaze remained fixed on the table as he abruptly began speaking. "I need you to locate her and assist her in finding our brother before the higher-ups intervene."

Well, Yuji was straightforward so that Satoru could respond with the same honesty. "I can't," Satoru said, running his hand over his face and pausing it at his mouth.

"What do you mean you can't? You must! You always said you did everything for her well-being, and now you're saying you can't? Is it because of the assignment the higher-ups will give you? You're Satoru Gojo. You can do whatever you please! You never conform to the rules!"

"Yuji," Satoru called out, and finally, Yuji looked at him. The white-haired man's smile was tinged with bitterness. "There are things even I cannot do," he said, glancing at the hair tie on the table. It belonged to Y/N. He reached out and pulled it around his wrist. "Y/N is skilled at hiding. You won't find her unless she chooses to be found."

"Why did you allow her to leave?" Yuji's anger flared.

"Don't ask about things you already know the answer to," Satoru replied, leaning back in his chair. "Staying here would have cost her life. She's better off without me and the Jujutsu Society."

With a trembling voice, Yuji accused, "You destroyed her life." Satoru didn't need to look at the pink-haired boy's face to understand that tears were streaming down it, but he maintained his composure and remained silent, allowing Yuji to express whatever was weighing on his heart. "You weren't there when she needed you. You weren't there when your own family tried to harm her and her child. You weren't there when that powerful curse emerged during the Exchange Event. You only show up now to find an excuse to kill our brothers because that's who you are. I don't even know what I expected from a man who murdered his friend in the name of following orders."

Upon hearing the final sentence, Satoru jerked his head and met Yuji's piercing gaze. Every word Yuji spoke was undeniably true, and that truth cut deep. Satoru couldn't argue against it. The pain he felt was a deserved consequence. Yuji had every right to harbor such intense hatred toward him. After all, what kind of father fails to protect his daughter and her mother? What kind of man disappoints the love of his life and, as a supposed apology, ends the lives of her brothers?

Yet, just because something is true doesn't mean he was prepared to hear it.

He was unaware of the true magnificence of the world, but when Y/N entered his life, she shattered his perception. She revealed the hidden beauty in everything, and now that she was gone, all the beauty in the world seemed to vanish along with her. He had also lost her, which caused him pain, even though he knew he was the primary cause of it all.

The truth broke him.

His voice faltered. His back bowed. His knees weakened. His face crumbled.

He gripped the table's edge tightly to prevent himself from collapsing out of the chair.

"Did you love her?" Yuji asked, breaking the silence. His face was averted as he gazed at the rain through the window.

"I wanted to marry her."

"What?" Yuji turned his head, his eyes widening as he looked at his sensei.

"I have numerous enemies, and I knew they would never let my family be safe. However, while she was building sandcastles with a child in Okinawa, a moment of fear struck me. At that instant, I realized that I wanted it. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted to create a future together. I wanted to grow old with her. I wanted to marry her."

"Did you get her a ring?"

"No."

"What? What do you mean, no?" Yuji paused. "Did you at least do something, like light a candle or make her dinner?"

"No."

"Buy her chocolates? Get down on one knee?"

"No."

"No? You didn't do any of those things? None of them?" His whispers escalated into whispered yells. "You're the absolute worst, you know? The worst. You don't deserve her."

Satoru sighed. "I thought that was already clear."

"Damn." Yuji slammed his hand down. "You two were engaged, and none of us had a clue?"

Satoru's gaze was fixed on the floor, his thumb caressing the hair tie. He appeared composed, but when he whispered, "No," the sadness in his voice cut through Yuji's heart like a knife.

"You never proposed to her, did you?"

Satoru glanced at Yuji's face and shook his head. "No, I never did."

"Good," Yuji replied, tightening his fists. "She didn't need another heartbreak. I know how much she desired a family."

Satoru nodded, unable to find the right words to say. The sound of raindrops tapping against the window filled the room.

After a while, Yuji broke the silence. "You won't kill her when you see her, right?"

"You think I don't love her, right? You think it was easy for me to watch her leave. You think it wasn't painful to see her run away from me? Well, maybe you never truly understood who I am," Satoru retorted. "Because if you did, none of these thoughts would even cross your mind. I understand that labeling me as the devil makes it easier for you to accept her absence, to move forward, to cope. But if you truly knew me, you would understand that since she left, my love for her hasn't wavered, not for a single moment. So, no. Not only will I not kill her, but I will also stand up against anyone who wishes to harm her."

Have you thought about glue?

No one bothers to ask about how the glue is doing, whether it's tired of bonding things, concerned about coming undone, or even wondering how it's managed to survive through the weeks.

Satoru was somewhat similar.

He was like glue. He did his utmost to hold things together and safeguard those he could, yet nobody stopped thinking how he was faring.

Now that Yuji was paying attention, he likely noticed the fatigue in Satoru's eyes, the burden weighing on his forehead, and the tension in his shoulders. Perhaps it was time for Yuji to contemplate what Satoru was experiencing, what he wasn't revealing. Because, just maybe, throughout all these days, nobody had asked about how he was holding up. Because nobody ever anticipated the strongest person to be anything but fine.

Yuji gently pulled on Satoru's shoulder. "Megumi was right. You're not okay, are you?" Yuji whispered.

Satoru's eyes softened instantly, displaying weariness and faint amusement. It took him a moment to realize he hadn't answered the question. Only when he looked away did he eventually nod and say, "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"It's okay, Yuji. I'm not feeling sad. I should have expected this from the start. It seems that anything I don't want to lose always ends up slipping away. That's just how things have always been for me. The moment I obtain something worth wanting, it becomes lost."

Yuji started playing with his fingers. "I'm still angry, but I understand you made her happy like no one else ever did. So, I want to believe that you'll find a way to be together in the end. I know a bit about her binding vow to you, but deep down, I don't think it all happened solely because of that. Hence, get a ring and be prepared for the next time you see her," Yuji said, offering a smile for the first time in months.

Satoru's eyes briefly showed surprise before he averted his gaze, running a hand along his neck to soothe the tense muscle. After a moment, he shifted his focus to the window. "The weather sucks," he remarked.

Yuji understood it as a code for "Thank you."

"Yeah," Yuji replied. "Does it always rain on your birthdays, Sensei?"

Tag list: @hecateria @whattowritewhattonot @@readxeer00 @sunamew @yoongi-holland @sanokana @soft--grunge--burrito @move-in-mysterious-ways @tanu003097 @spookytreeeagle @wonderlandjthedaydreamer @littlecarrot06 @kurooyy @angeliccutie007 @misaki17 @yungliddysyx @nanamiswh0r3 @smokeyfuzz @sumii @zukisbabe @geidly @evalynanne @antheialy

[ronandreams]

tag game! choose some of your favourite lyrics and list them below.

tagged by @henrywinteris and @nataliajames , thank you so much 💗

run - joji

I fell for your magic I tasted your skin And though this is tragic At least I found the end I witnessed your madness You shed light on my sins And if we share in this sadness Then where have you been?

as the world caves in - matt maltese

Oh, girl, it's you that I lie with As the atom bomb locks in Oh, it's you I watch TV with As the world, as the world caves in

francis forever - mitski

On sunny days, I go out walking I end up on a tree-lined street I look up at the gaps of sunlight I miss you more than anything I don't need the world to see That I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be Where you don't see me

heaven - beyonce

We laughed at the darkness So scared that we lost it We stood on the ceilings You showed me love was all you needed

clementine - halsey

Wish I could see what it's like to be the blood in my veins Do the insides of all of my fingers still look the same? And can you feel it too, when I am touchin' you? And when my hair stands on ends, it's saluting you The blush in your cheeks says that you bleed like me And the 808 beat sends your heart to your feet Left my shoes in the street so you'd carry me

because of you - kelly clarkson

I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing

family line - conan gray

Scattered 'cross my family line I'm so good at telling lies That came from my mother's side Told a million to survive Scattered 'cross my family line God, I have my father's eyes But my sister's when I cry I can run, but I can't hide From my family line

landslide - fleetwood mac (i also love the chicks version of this)

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie

You and me have seen everything to see From Bangkok to Calgary And the soles of your shoes are all worn down The time for sleep is now But it's nothing to cry about 'Cause we'll hold each other soon In the blackest of rooms

stranger - olivia rodrigo

Oh, but I hope that you're happy, babe, you know I really do And God knows that I am the girl I am because of you You know I'll always think of you, I'll love you 'til the end of time You are the best thing that I'll ever keep so far out of my life

chlorine - twenty one pilots

I'm so sorry, I forgot you Let me catch you up to speed I've been tested like the ends of A weathered flag that's by the sea

bandito - twenty one pilots

Began with bullet, now add fire to the proof But I'm still not sure if fear's a rival or close relative to truth Either way it helps to hear these words bounce off of you The softest echo could be enough for me to make it through

imgonnagetyouback - taylor swift

Bygones will be bygone eras fadin' into gray (fadin' into gray) We broke all the pieces but still want to play the game (oh) Told my friends, "I hate you but I love you just the same" Pick your poison, babe I'm poison either way

how did it end? - taylor swift

Say it once again with feeling How the death rattle breathing Silenced as the soul was leaving The deflation of our dreaming Leaving me bereft and reeling My beloved ghost and me Sitting in a tree D-Y-I-N-G

the smallest man who ever lived - taylor swift

In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, "Good riddance" 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden I would've died for your sins Instead, I just died inside And you deserve prison, but you won't get time

in the mourning - paramore

Oh, in the mourning, I'll rise And in the mourning, I'll let you die In the mourning, all my sorries And it takes all my strength not to dig you up From the ground in which you lay, the biggest part of me You were the greatest thing, and now you're just a memory To let go of

tagging, if u want to: @hellshee, @dykejaskier, @burke-juliet, @joequinns, @heartwasglass, @munsonseds, @saintirulan, @coldasyou, @crowleyaj, @cavarage, @waddinghamhannah, @madalainepetsch, @frolencewelch, @pastandpresentselves. .

[moondarina]

hand in unlovable hand,

a soukoku playlist

╰┈➤ + some lyrics that remind me of them

I'm your man - Mitski

"You're an angel, I'm a dog

Or you're a dog and I'm your man

You believe me like a God

I destroy you like I am"

Cold Love - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

"It's second nature to love you, it's first to die

And we were killed upon waking, killed upon waking to the life

We weren't prepared to live but rebelled to realize

We were killed upon the pavement, Bonnie we're immortalized in"

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet? - Mayday Parade

"When you hear this chorus

Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?

Do you hurt the way that I do?

After all this time you leave me broken

This song is every word I left unspoken

When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping that you think of us

That you think of us"

Every You Every Me - Placebo

"Like the naked leads the blind

I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind

Sucker love I always find

Someone to bruise and leave behind

All alone in space and time

There's nothing here but what here's mine

Something borrowed, something blue

Every me and every you"

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - Deftones

"Haven't had a dream in a long time

See, the life I've had

Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life

Let me get what I want

Lord knows, it would be the first time"

Out Of The Black - Royal Blood

"You made a fool out of me

And took the skin off my back running

So don't breathe when I talk

'Cause you haven't been spoken to

I got a gun for my mouth

And a bullet with your name on it

But a trigger for a heart

Bleeding blood from an empty pocket"

Black Sheep - Metric

"Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when

Our common goal was waiting for the world to end

Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend

You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again"

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

"And if you don't love me now

You will never love me again

I can still hear you saying

You would never break the chain"

Francesa - Hozier

"My life was a storm, since I was born

How could I fear any hurricane?

If someone asked me at the end

I'll tell them put me back in it

Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah

If I could hold you for a minute

Darling, I'd go through it again,"

Kiss With a Fist - Florence + The Machine

"I broke your jaw once before

I spilled your blood upon the floor

You broke my leg in return

So sit back and watch the bed burn

Love sticks, sweat drips

Break the lock if it don't fit"

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives

"I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel

It's all that I can give to you, my dear

And when you come in quick to steal a kiss

My teeth will only cut your lips, my dear"

Night Shift - Lucy Dacus

"Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth

Call you a bitch and leave?

Why did I come here? To sit and watch you stare at your feet?

What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands?

I feel no need to forgive but I might as well

But let me kiss your lips so I know how it felt

Pay for my coffee and leave before the sun goes down

Walk for hours in the dark feeling all hell"

Decode - Paramore

"The truth is hiding in your eyes

And it's hanging on your tongue

Just boiling in my blood

But you think that I can't see

What kind of man that you are

If you're a man at all

Well, I will figure this one out on my own"

Landfill - Daughter

"Well this is torturous

Electricity between both of us

And this is dangerous

'Cause I want you so much

But I hate your guts"

Romantic Homicide - d4vd

"In the back of my mind

You died

And I didn't even cry

No, not a single tear

And I'm sick of waiting patiently for someone that won't even arrive"

You Get Me So High - The Neighbourhood

"If you can just let me know if it's okay

To call you when I'm lonely"

Snap Out Of It - Arctic Monkeys

"Forever isn't for everyone

Is forever for you?"

The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals

"Bye bye baby blue

I wish you could see the wicked truth

Caught up in a rush, it's killing you

Screaming at the sun, you blow into

Curled up in a grip when we were us

Fingers in a fist like you might run

I settle for a ghost I never knew

Superparadise I held on to

But I settle for a ghost"

$TING - The Neighbourhood

"If you were human

If you were who I assumed you were

You wouldn't have done this"

Eventually - Tame Impala

"Wish I could turn you back into a stranger

'Cause if I was never in your life

You wouldn't have to change it"

Do Me a Favour - Arctic Monkeys

"It's the beginning of the end

The car went up the hill and disappeared around the bend

Ask anyone, they'll tell you

That it's these times that it tends

To start to break in half, to start to fall apart

Hold on to your heart"

505 - Arctic Monkeys

"But I crumble completely when you cry

It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

I'm always just about to go and spoil the surprise

Take my hands off of your eyes too soon"

I Only Lie When I Love You - Royal Blood

"I only lie when I love you

I only crawl when I hit the ground

You only cry when I love you

I only lie when I make a sound"

Vampire Empire - Big Thief

"Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time

It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow

Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go

So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control"

Neon Roses - The Technicolors

"But I still can't find a malice

It's a thrill slow shot reaction

But I never knew you at all"

Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

"I've made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should've known it was strange

You only come out at night

I used to think I was smart

But you've made me look so naive

The way you sold me for parts

As you sunk your teeth into me,"

Youngblood - 5 Seconds of Summer

"You push and you push and I'm pulling away

Pulling away from you

I give and I give and I give and you take

Give and you take"

Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys

"Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?

'Cause I always do

Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"

[cherry-cosmoz]

Warum?

Chapter 1 Portland

Tags: Crp oc story line, oc x ticci Toby

Warnings: blood and gore, mentions of SA, SH and ED, addiction

If you are uncomfortable with any topics mentioned do not continue.

Mel was a girl that lived in Germany, until her bullshit narc father made them move to Maine in America at the age of 16, she’s always struggled with mental disorders, she knows she has something but her father says she’s attention seeking and doesn’t have her diagnosed.

Car ride

After arguing with my dad I sit and look out the window earbuds connected to my iPod, I might get used to this place it’s kinda pretty.

My dad ended up pulling into this rickety old parking lot, this apartment complex looked like SHIT, I wouldn’t be shocked if I got syphilis from grabbing the keys from the receptionist.

“Anthony it smells like dick cheese and heroin in this lump of shit”

“Melanie how many fucking times do I have to tell you to not call me by my name I am your father. You will treat me as such you worthless brat”

“Cry me a river.”

He scoffs as you get into the elevator “listen just try and get along here, I’m trying to do better”

“Leaving me at grandmas and starting a new family isn’t better Tony.”

“Will you ever let that go? I thought you loved your siblings”

“I do love my siblings with my whole heart, but I will never forgive you for this”

The elevator dings

I walk out and find your door, you unlock it and walk in leaving the door open for Anthony, it smells like mold in this place, I walked and found a room, at least I have my own bathroom

I start unpacking, pinning my tapestry’s up, placing books and vinyls down, I stand up and look around thinking about going grab my mattress out of the trailer.

As I get to the elevator and get to the 1st floor I run out the door and open the trailer, hauling the mattress out, I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched, the hairs on the back of her neck begin to stand.

She thinks of it as nothing, dragging the mattress with all her might to the elevator, finally getting inside.

The elevator dings

She walks out with her mattress and goes inside the new apartment, dragging her stuff to her room, finally throwing the mattress on the floor

Who has money for a bed frame? It’s more comfortable on the floor anyway.

She hears music. Fuck, her dad’s drinking again, she runs to lock her door, he’s already there.

“Cmon mel let’s dancee”

“No Tony get away from me.”

She try’s to close the door

“Don’t you fucking shut me out.”

He grabs her by her hair and drags her to the main room making her sway with him to the music.

Tears begin to flood her vision, she begins to realize his hands wandering, she tenses up, trying to leave his grasp but he just holds tighter.

She feels as if she cant breathe.

Please stop

No please

Not again

He’s groping her, he stops to whisper in her ear “it’s your own fault Melanie”

She’s had enough, the fantasies of bashing his head in and ripping him limb from limb, hanging his organs like fairy lights around the house, she stares at him strongly just imagining his arm breaking over and over again, she forms a small smile.

Suddenly there’s a snap.

“WHAT THE FUCK MY ARM MY FUCKING ARM”

“WHAT DID YOU DO YOU BASTARD”

She sits in shock as she sprints to her room and locks it.

Looking down she breaks a small laugh not knowing wtf just happened, it hits her that it was her that did it? She doesn’t understand

She grabs an empty coke can from the car ride there, thinks of it just crumpling until her head hurt, it crushed.

Her eyes widen in shock, how did she do that, suddenly she hears static. It’s loud. Very loud.

Then black.

The next day

She wakes up with a headache, what happened? She looks at her clock it’s 1pm the next day, groggily she gets up and goes to her bathroom starting the shower, not until now she hadnt realized how ghetto her bathroom looked.

Whatever, she gets undressed hops in the shower, just standing there, thinking.

She grabs her shampoo scrubbing her scalp, she thinks of going in the woods to try her new found abilities.

*drip*

God fucking dammit, she watches as blood drips down her thigh.

Woods are going to have to wait, I need to go to the store. As she hops out of the shower drying off, her hair is still damp but thinks it looks better that way.

She uses her last tampon and walks out of the bathroom, grabbing from her bag a bra and panties and 2 pre rolls.

She puts on the panties and bra, then lights the pre roll, looking out the window she feels like someone’s watch but sees no one.

Whatever, she grabs her shirt with rob zombie on it, a shirt that leaves her shoulders out showing her bra straps, she puts on fish nets and Jean shorts, finishing the pre roll she puts it out on her windowsill.

She grabs her socks and puts on her doc martins, grabbing her backpack in the process, and runs out the door.

Shutting the apartment door and locking it, and then she walks into the elevator bringing her down to the first floor.

Walking out of the complex she starts to light her second pre roll, she begins walking to the nearest store MSI blasting through her headphones.

Finally making it into the store she walk straight to the feminine hygiene and grabs tampons, then it hits her that she’s broke, she stuffs the box in her back pack quickly leaving.

The adrenaline rush of stealing is something she will never get over. She begins to run into the woods across the street, static filling her ears again.

It’s not as bad as last time, she finishes the last pre roll and puts it out in the piles of leaves, she sits walks deeper into the woods, sitting by a tree stump and setting down her bag.

Pulling out her earbuds and shutting off the iPod she sits and waits.

Waiting for maybe too long

She drifts to sleep.

Reblogs are appreciated <33

[overqchiever]

blackbonnet lyrics that make me scream, cry and throw up

And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet And just like a folk song Our love will be passed on

seven, taylor swift

It's fun and games until we both get hurt We play with fire 'cause we like the way it burns No use in patching up a sinking ship

ancient history, set it off

'Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of A message in a bottle is all I can do Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you You could be the one that I keep, and I I could be the reason you can't sleep at night A message in a bottle is all I can do Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you

message in a bottle, taylor swift

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you 'Cause each time you reach out, there's no reply I bet it never, ever occurred to you That I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye

i almost do, taylor swift

I've been holding onto what was Siamese souls, you left, left I've seen every stage of grief I can over again Are you feeling whole again? Is this separation how it ends? 'Cause I've been holding onto what was Siamese souls, I'll live

siamese souls, yours truly

The waves crash in, the tide rolls out I stand before my weakness now You took my faith and cut me down The ocean it lies, it lies inside me now The ocean, the ocean

the ocean, tonight alive

I don't need the world to see That I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be Where you don't see me

francis forever, mitski

I look up to the sky with salt in my eyes And the pain in my chest Holding me down as I'm washing away what you said But I won't be holding my breath

waves, tonight alive

God, keep my head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let me drown, drown, drown Don't let me, don't let me, don’t let me drown

head above water, avril lavigne

(You tied the anchors to my ankles) (And you left me for dead)

wake up, crashing atlas

You believe me like a god I destroy you like I am I'm sorry I'm the one you love No one will ever love me like you again So, when you leave me, I should die I deserve it, don't I?

i'm your man, mitski

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking Of all the things I should've said That I never said All the things we should've done That we never did All the things I should've given But I didn't

this woman's work, kate bush

And I'm the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

me and my husband, mitski

the rest of my blackbonnet playlist

[arece]

hi! this isn't really a request but I was wondering if you had a playlist or any songs you associate with your heart to heart universe. I just strongly love the idea of John being a good father figure. I'm fueled by your content lol. I hope you're well 🫂💕

♤ a/n: You don't understand, this has me shaking in excitement. If a whole playlist is wanted I'll gladly make it. These are picked based off of how fitting I feel the lyrics are, though it might be kinda like a spoiler??? So, JOHN WICK 4 SPOLIER HERE DO NOT PROCEED! heart to heart masterlist

John Wick:

Remember Me, Coco:

Remember me, don’t let it make you cry

For even if I’m far away, I hold you in my heart

Know that I’m with you the only way that I can be

Until you’re in my arms again

Remember me

This Old Dog, Mac DeMarco:

As long as I live, all I’ve got to say is

This old dog ain’t about to forget

All we’ve had

Slipping Through My Fingers, ABBA:

The feeling that I’m losing her forever

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Then when she’s gone, there’s that old melancholy feeling

And a sense of guilt I can’t deny

Sparks, Coldplay:

Did I drive you away? 

But I promise you this

I’ll always look out for you

Look After You, The Fray:

It’s always half and never whole

You’ve begun to feel like home

What’s mine is yours to make your own

Reader:

Motion Sickness, Phoebe Bridgers:

I hate you for what you did

And I miss you like a little kid

Scott Street, Phoebe Bridgers:

Do you feel ashamed

When you hear my name?

I Want You, Mitski:

But I want you

You’re coming back

And it’s the end of the world

We’re starting over

Francis Forever, Mitski:

I don’t know what to do without you

I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be

I don’t think i can stand to be

Where you don’t see me

First Love/Late Spring, Mitski:

Lately, I’ve been crying like a tall child

So please, hurry, leave me, I can’t breathe

Please don’t say you love me

⋯♤⋯♧⋯♢⋯

taglist: @khaleesihavilliard @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression @tamnight @hesvoid34 @scarletmeii @romanreignsluver1 @wi1steria @not-a-big-slay @howlerwolfmax @mizzy-pop

[aroacewxs]

2 5 and 9 for rui!! bonus points for 5 if its not a pjsk song ksdjhgdfj

sorry this is a bit late!!! was quite busy today.

2) favourite thing about this character

many things come to mind when im asked this question but one of the most personal and touching aspects of rui's character is definitely the unthinkable amounts of love he has. for everything.

how despite it all, he chose to love. despite his suffering, he chose to love. he could never bring himself to have ill intent towards anybody who has ever wronged him. he carries so much love for this planet, for every living thing that breathes. he handles plants with such tender care it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry a little. even for inanimate objects like his drones and robots, he treats with such gentleness as if they were his own children. his mechanical darlings. you've got to be kidding me

and oh, how deeply he loves his friends, those who have led him through the dark with such tender, firm hands. those who put their trust in him, in him and his eccentric ideas and imagination with no limits. those who gave him a chance, those whose company says "i love you, i love you for who you are and i love being with you" more than words could ever express. those who make him question whether he's living his own life or one of an incredibly fortunate fellow in a stage play.

in the end, rui chooses to love. rui loves deeply and loudly in his own special way. and i think there's something incredibly meaningful about that.

5) first song that comes to mind

okinimesumama by eve :] his alt is my favourite rui alt in the entire game and it's just a very very ruicore song to me. iirc tokishun even said that it's a song that suits him very well BUT i may be wrong. don't quote me on that. I mean:

Waiting for the "1, 2..." signal Holding hands with you is An act of courage for me

Now, we form a circle and start to spin Bit by bit I come to hate it, but I come to like it Hey, hey, I don't even understand the meeting of my selves We steadily close the gap But we remain far apart

There's no meaning to being humble and respectful So bye-bye to my embarrassing dreams From now on, forever, let's get along

We now avert our eyes from each other Bit by bit I come to hate it, but I come to like it Hey, hey, I don't even understand the meeting of my selves I steadily become better But I'm crumbling to pieces Da-dum, you disappear before I can touch you

IT'S HIM!!! IT'S HIM! BUT ALSO i've been thinking my love mine all mine by mitski : )

'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love mine, mine, mine Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love mine, all mine, all mine

My baby, here on earth Showed me what my heart was worth So, when it comes to be my turn Could you shine it down here for her?

9) could you be roommates with this character

Absolutely Not. rui and i have many things in common, and not wanting to clean because we end up making a mess within a day is one of them. i don't think either of us would survive if you put us in an apartment for a month, actually. if you were to put two teenagers with an unbridled, hungry desire to create and the inability to take care of themselves, i do not think it would go all too well

maybe if there was like one other person who's very reliable, I'd consider it, but I'd just feel bad for them

on the other hand, we could really bond. fun times

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK :D i love thinking about this guy

[fritextramole]

nothing was right and nothing's wrong

part 5 of a Serena van der Woodsen playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

Menace ~ Maya Hawke

I want to behave It's a small concession All my regressions I don't understand But they're painful old news

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now ~ The Smiths

Two lovers entwined pass me by And heaven knows I'm miserable now

Piece of Me ~ Britney Spears

You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me I'm Miss bad media karma Another day another drama

Cheap Queen ~ King Princess

I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me It's harder to be myself

Brand New City ~ Mitski

I think my ways are wearing me down But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die

Hot Mess ~ dodie

Wake up, do the same thing Break up, then we're dancin' Why am I so alright to do it again and again?

I’m a Ruin ~ MARINA

I've had my share of beautiful men But I'm still young And I want to love again

Bad Friend ~ Rina Sawayama

But the truth is I'm so good at crashing in Making sparks and shit but then I'm a bad, I'm a bad, I'm a bad friend So don't ask me where I've been Been avoiding everything

Los Ageless ~ St. Vincent

I'm a monster and you're my sacred cow I guess that's just me, honey, I guess that's how I'm built I try to tell you I love you and it comes out all sick

Special Girl ~ dodie

I was raised by open mouths and teary eyes Passive wistful lullabies I found my worth in this world By proving I’m a special girl

Runs in the Family ~ Amanda Palmer

But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from And running is something that we've always done well And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from Run from their pity, from responsibility Run from the country and run from the city

They Say I’m Different ~ Betty Davis

You play the blues for me And that's why, and that's why, and that's why they say I'm different

You Stupid Bitch ~ girl in red

When you cry and need my comfort I drop everything to come over Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth Just count to ten and try to breathe

Lollipop ~ MIKA

I went walkin' with my mama one day When she warned me what people say Live your life until love is found 'Cause love's gonna get you down

7 rings ~ Ariana Grande

My smile is beamin', my skin is gleamin' The way it shine, I know you've seen it I bought a crib just for the closet Both his and hers, I want it, I got it, yeah

I’m Every Woman ~ Chaka Khan

I can cast a spell of secrets you can tell Mix a special brew, put fire inside of you

[thepriceofsurvival]

I head your Jean-coded playlist Nora, and I love it, but I will also provide my own. Mostly just because of my own music taste.

A little rock, a little punk, a little grunge, a touch pop, even some indie. And of course, so very very sad.

A few of the songs as well as some of the lyrics, just to convince you:

In My Time of Dying - Led Zeppelin

In my time of dying, want nobody to mourn All I want for you to do is take my body home {...} Oh, Saint Peter at the gates of Heaven Won’t you let me in? {...} I never did no harm, I never did no wrong I must’ve did somebody some good Oh, I believe I did

Brand New City - Mitski

I think my fate is losing its patience I think the ground is pulling me down I think my life is losing momentum I think my ways are wearing me down But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die Honey, what'd you take? What'd you take? Honey, look at me Tell me what you took, what'd you take?

Sunlight - Hozier

I would shun the light, share in evening's cool and quiet Who would trade that hum of night? For sunlight, sunlight, sunlight But whose heart would not take flight? Betray the moon as acolyte On first and fierce affirming sight Of sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

You’d Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out to Get You) - Waterparks

I learned to live with these eyes in my closet Hands in my pockets Alone, but surrounded I'm breathing, I'm drowning I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?

Wires - The Neighbourhood

We talked about making it I'm sorry that you never made it And it pains me just to hear you have to say it You knew the game and played it It kills to know that you have been defeated I see the wires pulling while you're breathing You knew you had a reason {...} He told me I should take it in Listen to every word he's speaking The wires getting older I can hear the way they're creaking As they're holding him

16, 16, Six - The Drips

Tell me what you wanna know I gotta tell you that I miss your voice Cause everything else I hear is a violent noise And it's breaking through to my soul {...} Take comfort in familiar face Carried me all over the place Fell in love the only way we could No one understood and no one could

Fight or Flight - Conan Grey

Well, fight or flight, I'd rather die Than have to cry in front of you Fight or flight, I'd rather lie Than tell you I'm in love with you

Giver - K.Flay

I'm learning to live I'm trying to be better I'm learning to give But I don't know if I'm a giver {...} I got so much soul in my body But no one keeping me honest And whole days turn into holes in my mind

You Know You're Right - Nirvana

I will never follow you I will never bother you Never speak a word again I will crawl away for good I will move away from here You won't be afraid of fear No thought was put into this I always knew it would come to this Things have never been so swell I have never failed to fail

Exit Music (For A FIlm) - Radiohead

Wake from your sleep The drying of your tears Today we escape, we escape Pack and get dressed Before your father hears us Before all hell breaks loose Breathe, keep breathing Don't lose your nerve Breathe, keep breathing I can't do this alone

Hysteria - Muse

'Cause I want it now I want it now Give me your heart and your soul And I'm breaking out I'm breaking out Last chance to lose control

Aneurism - Nirvana

Come on over, do the twist, aha Overdo it and have a fit, aha Love you so much, it makes me sick, aha Come on over and do the twist, aha Beat me out of me (beat it, beat it) Beat me out of me (beat it, beat it) Beat me out of me (beat it, beat it) {...}

Lydia - Highly Suspect

I've seen better days So unafraid in my youth I can't breathe, much less believe You gave everything you had Every little thing you had A true love unrehearsed I've seen your best and worst And at your worst, you're still the best But at my best, I am the worst It's a curse

Devil In Me 22-20s

I don't live, I just breathe I don't give and I don't recieve And I'll never get the devil Outside of me, outside of me I don't get all the good things You said I'd see, you said I'd see And I don't see the light Surrounding me, surrounding me

Dream On - Aerosmith

Every time that I look in the mirror All these lines on my face getting clearer The past is gone Oh, it went by like dusk to dawn Isn't that the way?

Don't Matter - Kings of Leon

You're not a man everybody says But it don't matter to me Dirty feet on my seat But it don't matter to me Break my heart, tear me apart It don't matter to me no, no I put a shine in your eye It don't matter to me 'Cause it's always the same And I'm always the same