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[dyrewrites]

I love the writing memes of;

"yay ideas!"

"oh, no, I have to write them."

But I don't...feel that. Ideas are fun and all but I like the making them into something bit more.

I love putting the ideas into practice and seeing where they lead me, I love researching things to ground what the idiots in my head want to do in some form of reality.

All the little details I had to work out for my own invented world were candy to me. Learning about ecosystems to create my own was a downright delight. I've only had to make one map so far but it was so much fun I can't wait to do another for the next book.

Covers even, while they frustrate because I don't trust my art skill, they are fun to figure out. To try and find something that works and says enough without saying too much.

Most of the parts I love doing, in fact!

I even enjoy revision. Not a huge fan of editing, but that's mostly my brain insisting extra letters are needed because I grew up reading a lot of classic European literature and apparently 'u' is not as prominent anymore in the spelling of some words. I also use words too old for spellcheck on occasion, which is amusing.

Marketing, however, and anything related...I hate. I think I genuinely hate it. I've put all my love into this thing but my brain still insists it isn't good enough to hold up and ask you to buy. So it's hard.

Point is I could write all day every day. Sadly, I need to keep this meat breathing and the house from falling apart around me, and also I don't really make much doing it. So I can't just write constantly (I've done it anyway and my family checks on me if I've been quiet too long because of it).

That was a whole lot to ask if anyone else actually enjoys the writing part over the ideas part.

I might be a tad excitable today.

[levis-poison-is-my-medicine]

Tea Lovers

A Levi x reader fanfic (Flufftober 2024)

Crossposted from AO3

Maybe your love for tea is the only thing you have in common. Maybe your biggest talent is annoying the shit out of Levi, and still somehow always getting away with it. But maybe he wouldn't have it any other way.

tags: fluff and humor, silly and sweet, tea-obsessed fem!reader with their head in the clouds (word count: 3.33k)

(Levi x reader Masterlist)

"Please?", you asked Erwin for the umpteenth time, making puppy dog eyes while trying to keep up with him as he walked swiftly back towards his office.

The moment he had seen you making his way towards him, his steps had significantly picked up speed, but you didn't even notice, too busy trying to put as much pathos into your voice as possible. This would be your last chance, so you were dead set on convincing him this time.

"Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?"

But as always, your pleas fell on deaf ears. None of your tactics worked on him. You had been begging Erwin to take you with him for weeks.

The moment you heard he was heading to Mitras for work, you knew you just had to go with him, but for some reason, he said no every time you asked him.

Maybe this was because you had no business being there, only occupying a low rank in the scouts. Maybe it was because you had a habit of talking too much. Either way, he didn't seem too keen on the idea.

Erwin let out an exasperated breath. "As I said before, this is a meeting between the military leaders of the three divisions. You won't be able to attend."

He gave you a stern look, but it was lost on you.

"Besides, I am only there for a day anyway, so what would you even want to do there?", Erwin added in a final desperate attempt to discourage you. Needless to say, it didn't work.

"I'm glad you asked!", you said excitedly, a little out of breath since you had to break into a little jog to keep up with his long strides. This didn't stop you from rambling, though. It never did.

"I promise I will stay out of your hair! In fact, you won't even notice I'm there. Because while you're doing your official commander business, I'll be out on an important mission myself, roaming the streets of the city, looking for the good stuff. The kind they only sell in Mitras, you know? The finest, fanciest first class shit only reserved for royalty and aristocrats. I will get it all! Well maybe not all... But as much as I can afford! I saved all of my wages for the fateful day that I would be allowed to step foot into the capital and–"

"So you're saying it was never your intention to attend the meeting?", Erwin interrupted you.

You blinked at him. "Well...no. I thought that was obvious. Why would someone like me be there?" You were just a common soldier, after all. "I only need a ride there and back again."

Erwin groaned.

"Why didn't you lead with that? I can't believe you pestered me all this time because you wanted to go on a shopping spree...", he muttered, defeated.

You perked up at his words, eyes twinkling with hope.

"Does that mean you'll let me go with you?."

He dragged a hand across his face and sighed. "Fine. If that means you'll finally leave me alo–"

"Yay!", you interrupted him, the biggest goofy grin plastered across your face as you broke into a small victory dance. "I promise you will not regret this!"

"I don't know about that...", Erwin mumbled, having finally reached the safety of his office. He unlocked the door, attempting to shut it before you could enter, but you slipped in right behind him, much to his chagrin.

"Is there something else?", he asked, looking between you and the mountains of paperwork he would still have to finish before leaving for Mitras first thing tomorrow morning.

"I just wanted to say...thank you, commander", you said, still smiling widely.

"I'll be forever in your debt! If you ever need help with something, anything, don't hesitate to ask me! Big or small, be it manual labor or administrative stuff I'll–"

"Actually", he interrupted the exuberant stream of words gushing out from your mouth, his eyes on the documents sitting on his desk. "I might have something you could help me with."

– –

The next morning you practically skipped to the carriage which would take you to the ship, barely able to contain your enthusiasm.

Erwin was walking alongside you, eyeing you incredulously. He knew you couldn't have gotten much sleep last night as you had stayed up with him, working your way through all the paperwork, but it didn't seem to affect you much.

Another surprise to add to the list then, since last night he had already been astonished to discover that despite your seemingly airheaded nature, you were actually quite a serious worker with attention to detail.

Quite frankly, he hadn't expected much when he had enlisted your help yesterday, but your ability to focus on such a mundane task for so long made him reconsider the preconceived notions he had about you. Maybe you weren't so bad, after all.

You were still chattering away in joyous anticipation as you climbed into the carriage, not minding the fact that Erwin didn't say much in return, when suddenly you stopped dead in your tracks.

There was another person inside the coach.

He looked up at the sudden noise, a blank expression on his face, and your eyes widened in recognition.

Sitting there with his legs crossed, book in hand, was none other than Levi Ackerman. You never had the chance to speak with him before, as you were part of a different squad, but of course you knew who he was.

Delighted, you thrust out a hand and introduced yourself. He stared at it with raised eyebrows, not returning the gesture. "I'm Levi–"

"I know", you said happily. "You're Captain Levi. I'm so pleased to finally meet you." You slid into the seat across from him, allowing Erwin to enter behind you. "I had no idea that you were coming with us. Erwin must have forgotten to mention it."

His eyebrows wandered even higher at your familiar way of addressing the commander, and he shot Erwin a glance.

"Don't ask", the man mumbled as he sat down next to Levi. This was just the way you were with people. He had given up trying to correct you.

Levi hummed, turning his attention back to the book in his lap. It was a long ride ahead and he was looking forward to reading in peace.

Clearly you had other plans in mind. "So I take it you will sit in on the meeting with Erwin?", you asked, unperturbed.

Levi scowled, looking back up.

"Yes", he said flatly, then attempted to focus on the book once again.

"Figures. With you being humanity's strongest, and all", you said, nodding.

He tutted irritably, eyes still trained on the pages.

There was a moment of silence which actually allowed him to parse the meaning of the sentence he had been re-reading for the fourth time now. However, it was short-lived.

"There's this one famous shop I'm dying to visit, though", you started.

Levi snapped the book shut. He was now full-on death-glaring at you, but you gave no notice, just happy you had his attention.

"You should go there, too, if you get the chance. It has the rarest, finest–"

"You should try to get some rest. How can you be so full of energy after last night?", Erwin interrupted you, trying to salvage the situation. He had watched Levi's eyes growing narrower and narrower and was honestly fearing for your life at this point.

"Why, it's only the power of black tea! Two pots, to be exact", you replied eagerly.

"Two...pots?", Erwin repeated, dumbfounded.

"Well, usually the two pots are reserved for getting me out of the food coma after lunch, and I only have one in the morning. Can't face the dread of getting up without it. But today called for more, since it's a special occasion." You gave him a warm smile. "Thanks again for letting me tag along."

"You're welcome", Erwin said, still a bit taken aback by the sheer amount of tea you consumed. He glanced at Levi, who was still looking at you, the glare on his face now replaced with his usual deadpan expression, and heaved a sigh of relief.

"If you ever need help with paperwork again, just give me a holler. It was actually kind of fun", you said, still smiling.

"You have a strange definition of fun", Erwin muttered, shaking his head. "But I will." He rubbed his eyes, which were dry from the lack of sleep.

"I'm glad. You look a bit...overworked", you pointed out, taking in the bags under his eyes. They were so pronounced that even you noticed them.

"I'm just tired. I'll try to get in some shut-eye on the way."

"Got it. I'll keep my mouth shut." You grinned.

Fortunately for the two men, you spent the rest of the ride glued to the window, quietly taking in the sights around you.

– –

Your silence lasted until you got to the boat, then you just couldn't keep it in anymore.

"Wow, this view is breathtaking", you said as you leaned against the railing of the ferry, looking out onto the river leading you deeper inside Wall Sina with big eyes, hair fluttering in the stiff breeze.

"Don't you think it's amazing how fast this moves? With this speed, we'll be in Mitras in no time."

"You act like you've never ridden on a ferry before", Levi said dryly.

He and Erwin were standing some distance away from the railing to avoid the sharp winds.

"That's because I haven't."

He shot you a surprised look, watching as you craned your head up towards the steel wires suspended above the river which helped the barge move.

"Did you know that these boat can carry up to 150 tons? That's like 300 cows or something."

"I'm sure cows are heavier than that", Erwin said.

"300 horses, then", you said. "My point remains. These wires are strong as hell"

"They are indeed", Erwin conceded.

"I didn't know farm animals were an accepted unit of weight", Levi deadpanned. "You forgot the pigs."

"Hmm", you went, seriously considering the answer. "Maybe about 750? They are much lighter than horses."

Levi shook his head at your earnest response and watched as you leaned even further over the railing, putting your entire weight on your upper body.

"If she keeps this up, she's gonna end up falling in."

Erwin hummed in agreement. Neither of them made a move to stop you.

"I'm going inside", Levi said, taking out his book again. He hadn't planned on being outside at all, but you had insisted, sputtering nonsense about the beauty of nature and taking in the sights.

As he sat down to read, he couldn't help but to take a last look out the window at the deck, half-expecting you to have fallen into the river already.

But you were still there, arms stretched out at the surface of the water like you were trying to touch it, an expression of pure and utter delight on your face.

"Idiot", he mumbled, and turned his attention back to the book.

This wouldn't be the last time he glanced up to check on you.

– –

After you had reached Mitras, you were quick to run off the boat.

"Let's meet here again for the last ferry of the day", Erwin called after you, not sure if you even heard him.

He watched you disappear into the crowd of people and sighed.

"What am I going to do with her..."

– –

You made it back just in time before the boat departed, waving at the two men who waited at the dock as you ran towards them.

Out of breath, you skidded to a halt in front of them.

"You're late", Levi said with apparent distaste.

"I'm...sorry", you panted. "Got lost...on my way back. I didn't know the capital was...this damn big."

"It's fine. I'm glad you made it", Erwin said mildly.

You were still wheezing and clutching your sides, a single bag inside your left hand.

"That's it?", Erwin asked, gesturing at the bag as you made your way onto the ferry. "I thought you wanted to go on this grand shopping tour and spend all of your money."

"Oh yeah, I did! I went all out and splurged everything on this!", you said excitedly. "I can't wait to show you."

Levi watched the exchange with raised eyebrows.

"Everything I heard about the capital was true! In fact, it was even better than I imagined! I actually thought I was in heaven. It was so hard to decide which ones to get. There were so many different varieties", you continued enthusiastically, gesticulating wildly for emphasis. "But I decided to go for quality instead of quantity. I mean, that's what money's for, right? It's not every day that you get to be in the capital, perusing the finest shops for the finest goods this world has to offer."

You carefully set your bag down on the table and took a seat in front of Levi and Erwin.

"Sooo... Are you ready to see the precious fruits of my long and laborious quest for the best of the best?"

You didn't even wait for an answer, taking out tin after tin and placing them on the table with dramatic flourish.

"Isn't this amazing?", you said happily, your face practically glowing with rapture as you took in the sight of your haul spread out in front of you.

Levi nodded, looking actually interested for once.

"Is this all...tea?“, Erwin asked in disbelief.

The table was, in fact, filled with tea canisters of all sizes.

"Of course it's all tea. What did you think I was going to buy?", you asked, genuinely puzzled that he could possibly think you would spend your hard-earned money on anything other than tea.

"I just assumed you meant clothing and the like."

"Huh. I could have sworn I told you", you murmured, still unconvinced.

"You did not."

"If you say so."

"I do say so", the commander retorted, a twinge of irritation noticeable in his voice.

"Okay, whatever. Who cares. Let's return our attention back to what's really important.", you said, gesturing at the tea in front of you.

Erwin heaved a deep sigh as you giddily started to showcase the tea you had bought.

For each one, you started with its region of origin, then you named its grade, which was of course always the finest, followed by a florid description of its aroma, never forgetting to mention what set it apart from other, lesser ones, and finally you opened the tea tin and made everyone smell it.

"How did you get this?", Levi asked in astonishment, examining the smallest of the tea canisters. "This is from Wall Maria. I thought there was none of it left."

"Ooh, I see you know your stuff. I'm always glad to meet a fellow coinnoisseur." You gave him a cheerful smile.

"I was actually planning on saving the best for last, but oh well, since you're interested..."

You took a deep breath. "You're right. It's only the last special finest tippy golden flowery orange pekoe from the most distinguished tea growing region in the south of Wall Maria. I basically had to sell a kidney to get this. Remember that famous tea shop I told you about on our ride here? They are known to have the rarest leaves, usually only reserved for royalty. But I got to talking with the owner and used all of my persuasive power to get him to sell it to me, until he finally caved!" You smiled gleefully.

Erwin could imagine exactly how that had gone. He felt sorry for the poor guy. You must have pestered him the same way you had Erwin when you tried to get him to take you to Mitras with him.

"So it's actually legit?", Levi asked, not entirely convinced.

"Go ahead, open it", you told him with a grin. "And see for yourself."

He did, holding it under his nose to take in the aroma.

"It's exquisite, isn't it?", you said excitedly, watching as his eyes grew wide.

"It is." He admitted, sounding impressed.

"You smell it, too, Erwin!", you said and took the canister from Levi to practically thrust it in Erwin’s face, then proceeded to look at him expectantly.

"It smells the same like the others to me. Rather like tea, as one might say", Erwin said matter-of-factly.

You gasped in horror. "Take that back. How can you even say that? That's sacrilegious."

Erwin shrugged. "It is simply my opinion."

You harrumphed and shook your head in disbelief.

"There is no place for opinions here. This is excellent tea, and that's a fact.", Levi said surly.

"Thank you!", you exclaimed. "I'm glad that at least one person here has taste and is distinguished enough to recognize true greatness when they see it."

You glared pointedly at Erwin before giving Levi a sweet smile.

"Since you seem to be an expert judge on the matter of tea, maybe you can help me decide which one to put in this? It's too big for the little I have of the Wall Maria one."

You reached inside your bag to take out one last item. It was a beautiful dark blue tea canister with an ornate, flowery design. "They had so many gorgeous ones, but I ran out of money, so I could only buy this one."

Levi looked at it, brows knitted. "It's yours, decide for yourself."

"Oh come on, please? I really can't make up my mind."

He clicked his tongue in annoyance, but then pointed at one of the bigger tea tins.

"That one, then."

"Yay, that's a good choice, thank you so much!" You beamed at Levi.

He averted his gaze and scoffed. "It's not like I put much thought into it", he muttered.

But you didn't even hear him, too busy humming happily as you put the tea back into the bag.

"This was the best day ever!"

– –

"This was the worst day ever", you groaned as you slunked into the room you shared with three other scouts. Two months had passed since that trip to Mitras.

There wasn't a single body part that didn't ache from today's intense training session. To top it all off, you had been in charge of cleaning duty. Now the day was basically over.

"So much for having a good birthday", you grumbled. No one besides Erwin had even remembered it, and he remembered everything, so it didn't count.

Sighing with exhaustion, you let yourself fall onto your bed, only to let out a little cry of pain. "What the hell?", you asked as you rubbed your lower back where it had made contact with something hard lying in your bed.

You rolled over, examining the culprit. It was a beautiful dark red tea canister with blue flowers dotting it, the inverse image to the one sitting on the shelves next to your desk.

"Could this be…a birthday present?", you wondered, a happy smile already spreading across your lips. "But from whom?" You turned it over, looking for a clue, but you found none.

You asked your roommates when they came back, but they sheepishly admitted that they hadn't even known that it was your birthday.

"Hmm“, you said. There were only two other people who knew about your prized tea canister: Erwin and Levi.

Erwin, always the fair-minded one, had already told you that he didn't get anyone presents. "If I gave you one, I would have to give one to every scout, and I'm afraid I can't afford that."

So this left you with only one option. It had got to be from Levi.

"That's a fellow tea lover for you", you whispered, touched, as you pressed the present to your chest.

"But which tea should I put in it?"

You knew just who to ask.

Notes: Soo this marks the beginning of The Tea Lovers series, a bunch of loosely connected short and sweet and mostly just silly fluff pieces I am writing for Flufftober. They're all set around the same time (sometime after the fall of Wall Maria in S1, before Eren and co. join the scouts) and feature the same reader. You happily live in your own little world where everything revolves around tea, totally oblivious to what you're doing to Levi, lol. I am going to be releasing the next part soon, so stay tuned!

Click here for Part 2

[violentvaleska]

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆

ᴏɴᴇsʜᴏᴛ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ʏᴀɴ!ʟᴇᴠɪ x ғᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ ᴅɪᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʟ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴛ ғɪʀsᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀs ʜɪs ᴅᴇᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ sᴜʙᴏʀᴅɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏsɪᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴅᴇsɪʀᴀʙʟᴇ ғᴏʀ ʜɪᴍ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ-ɪɴᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ, ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ-ᴅʏɴᴀᴍɪᴄs, sᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴛᴇɴsɪᴏɴ, ᴍɪsᴛʀᴇᴀᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ, ᴀʙᴜsɪᴠᴇ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ, ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, sᴍᴜᴛ, ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ, ᴅᴜʙᴄᴏɴ, ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴛʀᴀᴘᴘɪɴɢ

Levi doesn't really know what has drawn him to you. Perhaps your eagerness to please or your fearful and awe driven gaze directed him. Maybe it was your cute smile or the elegant way you held yourself. It certainly wasn't the fact that you were born in the safety of Mitras and your weak excuse of combat wasn't it either. While you appear to be smart and talented with the ODM gear, you certainly wouldn't do fighting titans. It's that simple. Your purpose as a soldier would probably be death, giving your life for humanity. Levi hates that fact; he despises the idea of you dying. You were subordinated to him after you joined the Survey Corps a year ago and if it wasn't for him, you would have been eaten and ripped apart on more occasions than he would like to admit. 

He expected you to be just that, a rich brat. Probably narcissistic and an egomaniac, having only your own desires in best interest. Most likely arrogant and always bragging about your accomplishments, like Oluo. To his surprise you were nothing like that. Your star struck eyes would always look up to him, a mixture of hope and awe in them. You would follow his every comment, much like Petra, but unlike her you were still in need of extra training.

The Captain always held you close. He would make you stay longer in training, so you could get better and stronger. After he would tell you to shower and meet him in his office to help him with paperwork, something that definitely wasn't in your range of duty. He abused his power over you, using your eagerness to help for his own advantage. Levi thrived, still does, in your attention and obedient behavior. He quite often thinks about you, wondering why a brat of Mitras would join the military. You had no reason to; a rich family, fulfilled life. And while he doesn't enjoy the thought of you with another man, you would have probably married someone of your class and bore him children. These thoughts made him realize that it might be the reason why you left. You did not want to be treated like a baby machine, did not want to marry a stranger twice your age. The Scouts made you free, or so you thought. Truth is you'd never be free, not as long as your Captain was around. It made him wonder what your life was like in Mitras. You were a late bloomer; joined when you turned eighteen, he knew that much. You probably waited to legally decide your fate on your own, without having to worry about your parents intervening. He remembers that day he looked over all of the reports of his new Cadets. You caught his interest.

"Fucking Mitras brat." He spat.

And then Eren came around. Levi was aware of his importance and upcoming changes that would occur with the moment he stepped foot into the Corps. Levi sat in Erwin's office drinking tea while he rolled his eyes at Hange’s rambling, their loud voice caused him a headache. 

"We need you to pick a new squad, Levi. Your Cadets will be handed over to Miche, so you have time to prepare your soldiers for the special operation. " Erwin explained and gave them a meaningful glance. He felt sour at the thought, but eventually decided to dare his luck a little.

"Sure. Am I allowed to hand-pick my new squad?" The blonde, tall man rolled his eyes, giving him a cold facade. 

"Yes. I trust you on your decisions. Do you have anyone specific in mind?" In his head, Levi screamed your name in desperation. 

"Eld is a fine soldier. Petra Ral and Oluo Bozado would be suited too." He halted, glaring at him as he waited for Erwin to agree. He did so gladly. 

"There is someone else." Levi noted and cleared his throat. The Commander gave him a sad look, feeling regret twirling in his gut. 

"You want to drag her into this?" Erwin wondered, hoping to motivate his friend to change his mind. 

"You said you would trust my decisions." Erwin stopped arguing and Levi knew he had Smith wrapped around his finger. He would give him almost anything if it meant that the Captain was happy. Confused Hange scratched their head. "Who are you talking about?" They asked directed at Erwin, they didn't expect an answer from Levi anyways. 

"A Cadet from Levi's current squad." It didn't take more to form Hange’s lips into an 'O' shape as awkward silence hit them. Rumors had already spread in the upper ranks of the squad about Levi being madly in love with his subordinate. The Captain would never dare to call it love though. No, he just gets off on the idea of having control over the Mitras brat. 

"Why did you choose me?" You asked him when the two of you cleaned the hall of your new headquarters, an abandoned castle. It's dirty and if there was something Levi hated more than stains on his clothes it certainly was an unclean environment. 

"Are you questioning my decisions brat?" He felt good, turning the words in your mouth so you would feel sorry.

"I would never dare to, Captain!" You raised your voice in fear, looking at him with hurt. 

"It's just-" You started shuddering at his cold stare, knowing you had to choose your next words wisely.

"There are so many others who are better than me." He nodded his head and agreed with you, your polite smile falling. He felt almost bad, but the thin line of feeling bad and boiling lust was conflicted within him. 

"But I have my reasons. You have other useful qualities." He encouraged her. 

"Like what?" Levi sighted and gritted his teeth, fletching them at her. 

"Oi, shut up now. The floors don't clean themselves." Shrinking under him you held your breath and whispered a small 'sorry Sir' continuing your cleaning duties. 

You didn't have dinner tonight, not enough time to eat. You relaxed in the showers and thought about your mistakes for too long. You shouldn't have lost your temper, shouldn't have raised your voice, after all Captain Levi is your superior, you don't know what has gotten into you. Petra tried to offer you comfort. "He's just stressed." She assured you, as she held your crying body in her arms. "I'm sure he only wants to talk things out with you! You mean a lot to him, I can tell." Her words were smoothing and the two of you made their way into the showers, relaxing under the warm stream of water. 

In his mind the two of you got closer over the past three weeks you were at the castle. With every passing day he got more and more desperate, bombing you with training. Learning about the true purpose of the 57th expedition, he had to make sure that you were safe. The hard work made you feel exhausted and after you had to repeat the same exercise for what felt like the hundredth time you simply snapped.

"I can't do this anymore!" You screamed, while you lost your calm demeanor. Throwing a tantrum around Levi, criticizing him at the same time, wasn't the best idea, you'll admit. The Captain angrily shut you up and squeezed your arm under his tight grip. He felt pissed, angry way beyond your pathetic imagination.

"If you don't get better you will die. I can’t always be there to save your sorry ass Cadet." He was aggressive and shook your body. 

"Then don't! I'm a soldier, it would be an honor to die for your cause." It was the first time he had violently touched you; the back of his hand smacking against your skin. His squad held their breaths in shock and didn't know how to react to his outburst. It wasn't unusual for Levi to get physical with people that misbehaved, but with you it was something else. Never did he lay his hands on you, except in training of course. You were quiet, other than the quiet whimpers that left your lips. It urged him to do worse. 

"Are you dense? You stupid brat don't even know what it means to die in honor. You should have stayed in Mitras with that attitude. I'm in no need of suicidal soldiers." You started crying at this point, shaking under his hands. He felt adrenaline shot into his abdomen, a nice tingle made his member slightly twitch at the sight of you. 

"Then why did you choose me?" He was close to hitting you again, his hand bawling into a fist; knuckles shining white. 

"Meet me in an hour in my office. Clean yourself up, you smell." With that he let you go and walked past his squat, eyebrows furrowing as Petra ran to your side, offering comfort. You didn't deserve that; he thought and shook his head in anger. The two of you were too soft. 

After that you dressed in your fresh formal-uniform and brushed your wet hair behind your ears, trying to appear as neat and dolled up as always, a habit that stuck with you ever since you were a little girl. Your parents made sure that your appearance would match your status as a wealthy Mitras girl. You hated it there, felt trapped and lonely. Some things that were taught to you stayed with you though, like taking good care of your body, always keeping your stuff clean or being polite. Of course, you learned to obey others, especially men, too. They prepared you to be a good wife. It scared you, made you feel sick; the thought of marrying a stranger gave you anxiety. It's why you decided to leave and enlisted in the Training Corps, making your parents disappointed. You felt guilty, as much as you do now. You displeased your Captain, the one you looked up to, the one that makes you eager to submit. You would do anything and perhaps, tonight you will. 

Those thoughts cross your mind as you stand in front of his office and private quarters. The upper ranks really have nice privileges. Your heart pounds against your chest, as you softly knock on the wood. Footsteps emerge as you fitch with the hem of your dress shirt. The door creaks open, revealing your Captain to you. He takes a step to the side, offering you access to his office with a spread arm. You don't look at him when you enter, head hanging low, and eyes fixed on the ground. Your punishment might be a severe one, probably physical discipline. He did punish you twice, made you run around the headquarters for three hours or leave out all the meals once. But this time is going to be much worse, and you know it's the way he looks at you that makes you question his sanity. You should feel ashamed of that. 

"You know Cadet, I could tell that you were on edge as of lately." He starts and takes a seat, making you stand opposite of his desk. 

"And I get it, we all are." He places his slender hands on the wooden surface, the same hands that caused you pain an hour ago. 

"But raising your voice against your Captain? Arguing with him, with me-“ he scoffs leaning forward.

"Now that's disrespectful on a new level. What happened? Did I finally break my favorite toy?" Levi mocks, a sinister expression on his usual stoic face. The last sentence got to you, eyes widening, a little displeased groan escapes you, eyebrows furrowing at the insult. Though, instead of sharing your discomfort with him, you simply answer: "Sorry Captain. It won't happen again." At that he rolls his eyes, shaking his head disappointed. 

"That did not answer my question. Did I break you yet, Cadet?" You wonder if the thought of emotionally dragging you down would please him. It would make sense, he always did show sadistic tendencies around you, bombing you with dehumanizing duties. You agreed to do them with a smile, hoping it would please him and it did. Now you wonder if it just egged him on to be much harsher with you. 

"I was close." You confess and fold your hands in your front, blankly returning his gaze. 

"Good. I hope you know why I'm pushing you harder than the others." His tongue slightly brushes over his dry lips, as he locks his steel-colored eyes on your form. You take a moment to think and hesitantly speak up after a few seconds. 

"I believe it's because I'm not as good as the others." A small smile spreads over his lips as he stands up again. You never saw him smile; it slightly starts to weird you out.

"Correct. You would die out there, I can't have that." Levi walks up to you in a slow pace, his relaxed state dominating the room. You swallow, taking a step back as he closes in. 

"Captain? May I ask why you can't have me dying?" A sight leaves him, as he places a hard on your shoulder, stopping you from moving. 

"Aren't you a nosey girl?" Your Captain states and places his other hand on your other shoulder as well. A bit of panic rises in your gut at the touch. The Captain was never one to show affection and this strange touch simply can't mean anything good. 

"Why did you order me here?" The question lingers in the air like a heavy prayer, making Levi's hands grip your delicate shoulders tighter. 

"Tch. Want me to show you?" He's seconds away from doing something stupid and both of you know it. 

"Yes, please." You murmur and break the contact of your stare, allowing him full authority. With excitement his hands glide from your shoulders to your waist, pulling you closer. He leans to the level of your ear, warm breath and the sudden closeness making you stiffen.

"What I'm going to show you is either a reward-" you feel his hands softly roam your curves, making you start shaking at the feeling it provides you. Not sure if it is desperation or despair, you let quiet whines out, encouraging him to grip your bum. 

"-or a punishment." You yelp as the same hand that caressed you moments ago gave your behind a harsh slap. Biting down onto your lip, you try to push him away from you to no use. He doesn't even buckle under your weak attempts.

"It's going to be up to you, silly Cadet." He whispers and slowly starts to move his head down your neck, placing tingling kisses at your vulnerable areas. Denying that his hands and lips feel pleasurable on your body would be a lie. It feels good, adrenaline rises in your gut as you think about how wrong this is. Superior ranks to yours shouldn't use you the way he does, after all you could report him for his inappropriate behaviors. Though it probably won't be to any good use, because Commander Erwin closed his eyes to the strange relationship of yours months ago. You know that most of the upper ranks suspect something between the two of you and yet nobody came to your help so far, because they don't want to anger Captain Levi. 

At some point you are a mess; cheeks flushed, heart beating rapidly, and your flesh is painted in bite marks. His hands hold you up and keep you from falling into his erratic body.

"Captain-" you wince and grip him weakly against your heated form, allowing even more contact between the two of you. 

"Hm?" He hums and lets his hand wander between your legs, making your posture stiffen. 

"This is wrong Captain, please-" you finish your sentence with a moan as his fingers dance circles around your clit, a wonderful sensation erecting in your abdomen.

"Shut up, it is not." He insists and slowly takes a few steps forward, making you stumble back at the unexpected movement. The both of you crash against his table and with a swift motion it's empty, papers and pens landing on the floor. He quickly makes use of your shocked self and pushes you down onto it, hour back connecting with the hardwood. A sound of pain rings through the room and it takes you a while to register what's happening. Levi presses your body down with his, his heavy breathing catches your attention and the next thing you notice is something hard against your thigh. At first you thought it was his hip bone, but after he starts rubbing it against you realization hits you. Feeling yourself blushing furiously, heat spreads through your stomach like a wildfire. You try to push him away, brushing his hand from you, which only causes him to grind harder against you. 

"No," you whine as he bites your earlobe. "Levi stop!" Your voice sounds muffled, a few tears run down your hot cheeks. He stills for a moment before resuming. Your hips arch upwards, pushing into his hardened length. He groans, mouth wide open while his eyes are squeezed shut. Moving his head from your shoulder to rest his face right below your ear, he whispers:

"You are to call me Captain, Cadet." His breath is warm against your neck, the rough sound of his deep voice sends shivers down your spine, and you let out a whimper that sounds like a plea. He smirks slightly, enclosing his hand around your throat. 

"And I'm calling you mine." He decides and opens your dress shirt, exposing your bodice and skin underneath. In a matter of a minute, you wrinkle completely naked underneath him; plank panic written on your face. He on the other hand is completely dressed, only making the effort to loosen the first two buttons of his shirt. His cravat is placed in your mouth to make you shut up and he observes you with dark eyes, while he pushes his sleeves up to his elbows. 

"You look so beautiful." He whispers and brushes over your cheek, wetting his thumb with your salty tears. His pupils are blown as he slowly fitches with his pants, pulling out his member to the cool air. 

"Please-" you cry out, not sure if you want him to continue or to stop. He looks good that way; black hair falling into his pale face and his posture hovering over your vulnerable form. 

"No, I deserve you this way." He breathes out and leans down.

"You are my subordinate, my soldier. Mine." He groans and starts to slowly rub circles between your already wet folds. 

"Ever since you joined the Scouts you have been nothing but submissive-" He trails off and enters you with his finger, making you whimper. 

Levi thrusts even harder and throws his head back until a deep growl rings through your ears and you feel him twitch. For a moment he thought about coming inside of you, impregnating you so you wouldn't have to attend the expeditions anymore. Eventually he decides against it, the risks of getting into serious trouble are too high. He watches as hot strings of his semen trip onto your lower bell, his face twisting in disgust. He grabs for a napkin in his pant pockets and cleans himself and your skin, making sure that not one single drop is left. He ever so slightly looks at you, trying to read your reaction. Are you scared? Pleased? He can't tell. 

"But I guess people can change, hugh?" He pulls out and leads his finger to his lips, greedily tasting you. Closing your eyes in shame, you bit down on the cloth between your lips, feeling the dip of something hot press against your entrance. You can't hold back your cry when he slides it inside you, stretching you open to take all you are willing to give. His pace increases slightly after he waited for a minute so you could adjust. His hands run through your hair, tugging at any loose strands. Your heart races and your hands ball into fists as you try your best to ignore the burning pain you are in. Levi doesn't stop once. With an angry grunt he slams himself inside and you moan loudly, wrapping your legs around his waist, digging your nails into his broad shoulders. The cloth in your mouths loosens and you take the opportunity, spitting it out.

"Captain. Please-" You cry as you feel your nails digging into his flesh, breaking his pure skin easily. The harsh movements of his hips slowly start to feel enjoyable, the slapping sound of skin ringing in your ears.

"I knew I liked you better when you were quiet." He breathes as he thrusts in and out of you, faster than before. When you thought about your first time it certainly didn’t cross your mind that it would be like this; rough and full hatred. Not understanding why, you would feel pleasure with the way he treats you, you close your eyes and let the sensation wash over you. Your body shakes with each stroke of his cock and your hands start to tremble. A sudden orgasm washes over you and you scream his name, letting it flow free through your clenched teeth. He growls low in his throat when he watches how your hips jerk up towards him. 

You breathe flatly, your back hurting from the hard surface underneath you. Your classy eyes watch the dancing flames of the chandelier above you with interest. You feel exhausted and lightheaded, the feeling of being empty again is weird. The sensation of your climax still lingering in your abdomen. 

"Sit up Cadet." Your Captain demands and helps you into an upright position. 

"Dress. Then help me with those reports." He gestures at the floor, while fixing his shirt, trying to appear not too casual. 

"Yes Captain." You obey his comment, collecting your uniform and undergarments that has been spread around his table. You notice his eyes on your naked body, making you feel uncomfortable. 

"Cadet." He catches your attention as your eyes meet. 

"You don't tell anyone about this. And don't even get the idea of spreading your legs for anyone but me." Levi demands in a grumpy manner. You glance at him, shocked and offended. Never would you dare to do this with any other person. 

"Oi! Do you understand that brat?" ‘

"Yes Captain Levi."

[botheringlevi]

okay, okay. good point. *laughs, taking a seat next to him* hey, there’s some things i have to tell you about.

while you were gone, i’ve been training a lot more with mike in hopes of getting some more experience. during one of our little brawls, i don’t recall how it got so intense, but i might’ve… sprained my ankle during it. *nervously* miche didn’t mean it though, it was just an accident. and the doctor said it wasn’t too bad! but i should take rest and compress it often and all that. i’ll be good to get back on my feet like normal in a week or two… kind of stupid of me, but i’m trying to walk normally so it’s not noticeable but it does kind of hurt still. honestly it’s been too boring to just sit and stare into space. it came to the point i even asked erwin if i could help with any paperwork but it’s too confidential for me to see. *smiles, nudges at his elbow* i’m glad you’re back though, captain. i was hoping your company would… help pass the time.

hmm… *sighs* petra and oruo are still bickering with each other. and they’ve even got eld involved in one of their arguments. ah… what was it about…. oh! the winter festival that’s coming up. i know you’re not a fan of big crowds and all but. would you like to… go with me? it’s totally okay if you decide to pass, but they were talking about going as a group with you included. oruo disagreed, saying we should be training and working on ourselves instead of “wasting time” on “boring activities.” but if you do decide to go, it could just be us two if you like. it’s the food and hot cocoa i’m looking forward for, really.

anyway… *blushing* i’m rambling a bit, aren’t i? i’d like to know how it was in mitras for you. no one bothered humanities strongest too much, i hope? [i love him so much omg]

[Previous ask]

*Leans back* I'm listening.

*Eye twitches* If you got an injury while training with that bloodhound, then what're you doing here? You should be in bed, with your ankle wrapped and raised on a pillow or some shit. *Scowls* It is stupid of you—so get in bed. Mine is the closest.

Hopefully you can sit still for five more minutes while I bring my report to Erwin. Besides, there's plenty of paperwork I can swindle from him...

Mike's a gentle giant. He certainly wouldn't mean to hurt you of all people, with me in mind.

*Stares at nudge, coy* 'Pass the time' is one word for me tying you to the bed if you disobey your superior's orders.

*Relaxes* But, it's good to hear it's all the same between those two. They work together better than they appear to. Eld has plenty of experience breaking up their spats.

Winter festival... *Thinks* Oluo is just trying to compensate for something. Yeah. *Cheeks warm* Why not go? I'd rather not be around the others by the time they decide to get drunk. You and me can eat sugary garbage instead and admire the sights.

Did those pigs in Mitras "bother" me? *Scoffs; leans against Suki* When don't they? I'm nothing but a sideshow act to them, but I get it. I tolerate getting paraded around as long as it does some good for our regiment. I don't like Mitras... but kissing pig-ass is a part of my duties, so I do it.

The good news is another trip isn't on the agenda anytime soon.

[syoish-aot]

THE LETTERS SHE WROTE - chapter 6 update

Jean x OC

post canon (with flashbacks to pre canon and canon events)

childhood friends to enemies to lovers

chapter word count: 6575

PREVIEW:

MITRAS, 850

“Kirstein!” One of Jean’s commanding officers called, causing him to shoot up from his bunk. “Letter!”

Immediately Jean’s shoulders slumped as he let out a dejected sigh.

Even here, the day after Historia’s coronation and the scouts no longer being declared traitors, Edith remained as persistent as ever.

He was handed a letter, a thick letter, that he immediately flipped over in his hands a few times, weighing the dense paper as he mentally prepared himself for everything Edith was about to say about the last few weeks of his life.

With a sigh, he sat back down on his bunk and tore it open, figuring it was better to get it over with…

Jean,

Your scouts made an absolute mess of Trost!

All of the windows of the bakery were completely blown in, which Ada keeps rambling about not being able to fix. We had to board them up in the meantime but now there’s a draft!

And don’t you dare write back saying something ridiculous like “I could have died, you know”. Because I KNOW you could have died, but I also know you DIDN’T so now you can deal with my frustrations.

I’m sure you didn’t receive a single letter that I sent while you were in hiding (I still sent them, for the record) so I’ll give you a summary of what’s happened to me while you and your friends were running around causing chaos...

[full chapter on Ao3]

[stuckinuniformdevelopment]

@bishop-percival

(Previous) As Teddy typed on his phone, the bishop dragged a nearby chair closer to his bed and sat down, leisurely crossing his legs. “Hey! Who’re ya texting when I’m in your presence?” Right after he said that, his phone went off, which the text notification sound was set as some kind of loud, horrifying, demonic scream. Percy took his phone out upon hearing the second notification. “Oh! Haha, you’re texting me!” He began typing his response… But Percy was a very slow typer. After about two minutes of silence, he growled and set his phone in his lap. “Bah! I’ll text you the details later so you can have it in writing.” Percival gestured with his hands as he explained his vision. “My recent victory has me feeling deserving of a powerful-looking mitre. I’m thinking of a gorgeous Mitra Pretiosa but with a sharper gothic design rather than the rounder roman design of my past mitre. I’m not gonna change up the colors much. The fabric will still be red with gold lining and a black band. And of course, the glorious mark of Glorn will be embroidered on the gold in black. However! Instead of plain, I’m thinking of silk damask for the red… BUT! Ooh, there’re two damask patterns I can't decide between… What do you think, Bowtie?” Percy took his phone again and leaned toward Teddy to show him the screen. On it was a floral damask pattern in which the flowing leaves and petals formed what resembled a demonic face. “Ain’t this one neat!? It looks like a bunch of Zranthars scowling at us!” He then swiped his finger across the screen to show a different pattern, this one with jagged lightning bolts intertwining. “But this one also looks fierce and fits in with the bolt motif of Glornism…”

Teddy had stiffened and looked around for the source of that atrocious noise... only to find that it was a text notification and hold back a sigh. Figures.

By the time Bishop Percival had given up on texting Teddy had returned to his notebook to lightly sketch the basic form of a mitre, ready to be modified into Bishop Percival's grand vision.

Then the instant Percival had started to ramble on Teddy switched to the opposing page to jot down every detail while nodding along. Some notes, such as the gothic shape, were written as notes on the margins of the bare bones sketch.

Teddy squinted at the damask patterns while fighting the urge to lean forward himself. Once he was sure that Bishop Percival was done talking he picked up his phone again and typed almost as fast as his leader talked.

It's as you said: The lightning pattern better suits Glorn. Looks cooler too, although I'm admittedly biased because I hold little interest towards plants. Please send me the image along with the link to where you found it.

What color should the thread be? I would suggest black so the intricate embroidery is clearly visible.

[shozaii]

𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖞 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖞𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖘!

oof! i can’t believe i’m about to do this ehehe👉👈here are my playlists for the boys! bnha and aot, to be exact. i’ll come back to this if i ever do add more characters. this is solely based on what i think y/n and the boys would listen to, or just be related to throughout their relationship. i hope you enjoy them!🥺🥰💖

shoto.

katsuki.

izuku.

eijirou.

keigo.

levi.

[evieebun125]

*forces you to look at my doll*

I finished Mitra's doll and I'm so excited to bring them on my trip!!! :D

All Mx's clothes are removable and this was SUCH a fun experience, I might add some more details like hairy feet and scars but for now they're good enough ���️ I just can't believe I made them!!!! AAAAA

[ID: Three photographs of a crocheted doll. The first photograph is a front view of Mitra, a tan halfling wearing a brown mask who has brown hair and eyes. They are wearing a red bandana and a gray trench coat with red frill underneath. Their pants are light gray and their arm is gray to match. The second photo is the same doll but a side view. The third image is of all the clothes laid out next to the nude doll. /End ID]

[ros-doodles-reblogs]

A random ramble of Mitra that nobody asked for (?

Mitra supposedly must have lost all the memories of her family when she made the deal to sell her soul in exchange for freedom and peace for the souls of her family, however these memories were not erased since Astartea wanted to make her suffer slowly, remembering death from Mitra's most beloved ones in every minute and second that Mitra was alive.

Mitra still regrets the loss of her family, since Astartea sought Mitra's soul so that she was locked in hell from the beginning (sounds silly, but the reason why Astartea needed Mitra's soul is so that she did not fulfill her true destiny, Astartea changed Mitra's destiny completely)

Even though Mitra lost everything as long as the souls of her family ascend to heaven (and even lost her body) she doesn't regret her decision and wanted to accept guilt and responsibility alone

Thanks to this, Mitra decided to close her heart to others with the fear that she would hurt someone else, so she has no choice but to remain in an eternal prison of suffering known as hell

It is also one of the reasons why she is too protective of kids she meets (especially those who are lost), since she does not want to see them suffer as she did with her children. At some point Mitra has longed to have a family and someone to trust and love once again, although for her it is a completely impossible challenge as a prisoner she is

[paranormalfrogtivity]

I feel gross tonight so I went upstairs early but now I can hear everyone doing stuff and my brain is being a jerk and throwing lonely chemicals out. But it's all good bc I just gotta look next to me to see this:

[dyrewrites]

Revising this book, after so long away from it, has taught me that Mitra is annoying.

Which is important, she's meant to be. She's brash and insistent and a bit selfish when they all meet. It tapers off a little, but she's a ball of constantly conflicting emotions and I didn't notice how often I show that through her interrupting the mood of a scene.

I hope it comes off as meant to others, but I am honestly having so much fun reading this little ball of chaos. I think I finally got her down, it feels like her...and that's, that's special.

[jotatetsuken]

i don't wanna be okay without you

submission for: @h-shibas's "Lights, Camera, Action" Collab (also, here's wishing the organizer a happy birthday too <33)

type of writing: oneshot

trope: actor au, film au, love triangle (story’s inspired from many Hindi movies, especially Om Shanti Om minus the reincarnation part, iykyk)

warnings: living a hard life in the slums, familial isolation, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of domestic abuse, toxic marriage, mentions of miscarriage, adultery, angst from Erwin, comfort from Levi, Erwin being a sexist director, police arrest, suggestive (implied NSFW, so minors please DNI), please lmk if i miss any more cw . also this is kinda dark so i'm tagging it as dark content just in case

song: i don’t wanna be okay without you - charlie burg

beta reading: @beware-of-the-rogue @tsukisdarling

tagging: @akaashi-todorki @hyeque @wakatshi @wakasa-wifey @azrail-core @fuwushiguro @ry0m3n @tokyometronetwork @cirigiri @reinaphoria @scandescent @zorosbozo @megumischubbycheeks

(taglist form / library account, turn on notifications to be updated)

number of words: 4880

a/n: okay, so this took me A MONTH to do this, and I'm finally finally here. I know I touch on really sensitive topics here, but I've had this story in my head for weeks now, so i hope y'all understand. ALSO, I love Erwin Smith, okay? I've made him a villain for the sake of the plot, nothing else. Likes, comments and reblogs, especially reblogs are appreciated. also, fyi, i do not condone cheating in any way. Also, (Y/N) = Your name, (L/N) = Last Name, (E/C) = Eye Color

Levi was sprinting through the dimly lit halls, pursued by onlookers. When he used to dwell in The Underground, a covert term for the filthiest slums in Mitras, Wall Sheena's most populous city, he had stolen a loaf of bread from the bakery. “Thief, thief,” shouted the crowd behind him as he bolted for his life. He wasn't a coward, and he was a self-taught marksman and martial arts student, but he was in a hurry to assist his ailing mother, Kuchel. She could only eat one loaf of bread at a time. He tripped over a rock while running and was about to drop the loaf of bread when he screamed. As he yelled, his body jolted as he was startled awake by the ringing of his mobile alarm. He grumbled and turned off the alarm, taking deep breaths to bring himself back to reality.

 He sat up and drew his legs closer to him, his elbows on his knees, his face on his open hands, and he groaned nonstop. He had been having recurring nightmares for a long time and had no idea how to stop them. With troubled eyes, he gazed to his left at a framed photo of his mother, who was currently in a coma, hoping that she would recover soon enough to witness his debut in his first cinematic venture. His phone abruptly rang at the right bedside table. He checked the caller ID and saw that it was Furlan, one of his best pals who was now working as an assistant director in the Eldian Film Industry, along with two other people on the conference call.

Levi answers the phone, his jaw clenching in irritation, only to hear his two other close friends, Isabel and Hange, shriek at the fact that Levi was half-naked. “Put on a freaking shirt, Levi bro,” Isabel grumbles, her left arm concealing her eyes while her right grips the phone. He gets out of bed, throws the phone on the bed, looks for a black full-sleeve shirt, puts it on, and returns to the call with a large grunt.

Isabel teases, “It took you long enough, Levi bro.” “Get to the point, Isabel,” Levi continued, grumbling. “Why did you all call me?” says the narrator. Hange rambled on, enthralled. “I hope you remember, Leviiiii, that you have to meet him today.” “Who is he?” Levi wondered, his eyes narrowing. “Erwin Smith, the head of the Survey Corps Productions,” Furlan interjected. “He was the one who cast your mo-” “Shhh!” Isabel says to Furlan, calming him down. “Levi bro doesn't need to be reminded of his mother's lineage.”

“All right, I'll go,” Levi said, sighing. “Now, everyone, hang up, right now. Don't forget to meet me there, four-eyes,” he said, addressing Hange.

They saluted him and said, “Aye, captain,” putting an end to the call. “Ugh, Do I really have to do this?” he grumbled, but then turned to gaze at his mother's photo and replied, “Only for you, ma.”

Levi chose to go by a mononym when he discovered he was descended from the Ackerman family, one of Tinseltown's most prominent families along with the Yeager and Arlert families because he carried animosity towards the clan for isolating his mother when he was born out of wedlock. He'd worked odd jobs, extra roles, and minor actor roles ever since to develop a sense of punctuality, cleanliness, orderliness, and a sense of understanding of the profession so he could help her find work. Until she was involved in an accident and went into a long-term coma, with doctors unsure when she would wake up. That’s when a tall, blonde-haired man with a certain nobility about himself introduced himself to Levi as Erwin Smith, the renowned director. 

“Levi, I was good friends with your mother. Ever since her banishment, I've made it a point to find her work in some capacity.”

Rolling his eyes, Levi says, “Look, Mr. Smith, I understand that you’ve extended your helping hand to my mother in the past, but now you can wash your hands of her,” gesturing to Erwin’s hands, “because she’s in a coma, and there’s nothing you can do to help.”

Erwin adds, folding his arms, “I knew you’d say something like that. Hence, I did not only come here to see Kuchel but also to see you. I'm offering you a lead role in my film, 'Attack on Titan,' as your first major cinematic role. You can then invest your money towards her treatment. How do you feel about that?”

He then turned to face his dying mother, who was still on a ventilator and fighting for her life. He then phoned his manager, Hange Zöe, as well as his best friends, Furlan Church and Isabel Magnolia, who had already entered the film industry, working as assistant directors to Miche Zacharius. They eventually persuaded him to do the film after a long and drawn-out argument. Levi then shook Erwin's hand and agreed to the bargain.

Erwin saw Levi and Hange come into the office with a black polo neck shirt and blue jeans on the first day of the script reading of “Attack on Titan.” “Okay, let's finish this soon,” Levi grunted, to which Erwin replied, “sure, sure, come in. The actress has yet to arrive.”

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door a couple of times before Erwin answered, “Come in,” causing the door to open and you to enter. In addition to your black jeans, you were wearing a white shirt with lace at the top. Every time you showed up, it was as if the entire world came to a halt for Levi.

When Levi saw you for the first time in the film, “Shiganshina Came Crumbling Down,” his eyes lit up. Not only was he in awe of your beauty, but also of the way you carried yourself. When he played small parts in TV shows and movies such as “Escape to Trost,” “Life at the Garrison,” and so on, he gained more respect for you. In your initial encounters and later interactions, you appeared kind to him.

He shook his head in disbelief, “Mr. Smith, am I-” Erwin smiled, continuing, “I remember you said you liked (Y/N) (L/N), so what better way to get to know her than by working with her?”

Both of you shook hands with each other, you stated while smiling, “It will be a pleasure to work with you, Levi,” and he agreed, replying “Same here, Ms. (L/N).” As they sat, she laughed and said, “Please, call me (Y/N). It's okay.”

As she turned to Erwin, Levi noticed that she had a genuine bond with him, one based on love and respect. You honestly felt glad that you had Erwin by your side. He’d been there for your ups and downs and stayed with you by your side. He was your husband after all.

However, because Erwin wanted to keep the marriage a secret (one of the reasons being that the industry is not kind to married women working in films), only both of your friends were the ones that knew, which included Mikasa Ackerman, Eren Yeager, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, and Sasha Braus. They were the ones who would keep an eye on you and warn you to be cautious around Erwin. Not because he didn't love you; he just had a different way of expressing it.

As you and Levi rehearsed the lines from the script, you both silently noticed that the flow was surprisingly smooth, as if they knew exactly what and how they were going to say the lines. Erwin was ecstatic about the interaction. The script readings went so well for a few days that you all decided to start shooting right away.

Months after the filming began, the level of difficulty gradually increased, especially for Levi. “I don't know how to channel these feelings into acting.”

“That's because you always have a straight face,” Furlan joked, and Isabel laughed along. Levi scowled at both of them, causing them to stand firm.

“Well, why don't you guys bond?” Hange suggested, laughing. “Start talking more, and maybe you guys will eventually help each other, and Leviii, maybe it will benefit you in some way,” they shrugged and grinned at him.

After some thought, Levi responded, “I don't see why that wouldn't be a good opportunity.” “So it's settled,” Erwin said as he clapped. “Levi, you and (Y/N) should get together and practice lines, stat.”

You went to Levi's house that day and began rehearsing the lines. While you two were taking a break, Levi nervously asked, “Would you like anything to drink? Tea, coffee, or something else?” You replied, “I'd like tea with milk, please.” Levi smiled at you, nodding in agreement and relieved that you liked tea as much as he did.

You enjoyed his way of making tea while you two were drinking. “Levi, this is some of the best tea I've ever had!” you exclaimed with twinkling eyes, “how did you learn to make it?”

Levi's eyes became sad as he looked down at the ground and said, “My mother used to teach me. She enjoyed drinking tea like this.”

You placed your hand on his and said, “Erwin informed me of the situation. I'm truly sorry. What is your mother's condition?”

Levi sighed, “She's doing okay, but I'm...,” his voice becoming softer as his shoulders sagged. “I'm terrified, (Y/N). What if she doesn't make it? Everything will be for naught.”

You took a deep breath and held his hand, “Levi, if it weren't for Erwin, I wouldn't be here today. As the world knows, the (L/N) family is well-known, but it wasn't always that way. They were in shambles and were unable to support themselves. When I was seven years old, my parents split, and I was raised by two families, one of whom, the (L/N) family, became famous. It was through them that I first met Erwin. Our conversation finally led to a strong friendship. However, both of my families liked to tell me what to do, how to eat, and how to look, and that bothered me a lot, it made me feel uncomfortable within my skin, but then Erwin promised them that he’d take care of me and I moved out of the house ever since.”

“The fact that I’m able to be the way I want to be where I am, was because I chose to do so,” you continued, putting your hand on Levi’s shoulder, smiling, “and so can you. I’m very sure that your mother loves you very much and wants nothing but the best for you. I know you’re doing this for her, and she must already be proud of you for going through this regardless.”

He turned to you with a sorrowful expression, his anxious breaths slowly calming down, smiling at you, “thank you, (Y/N). It meant a lot, and I’m sorry I had no idea you were going through a lot.”

Nodding, you smiled at him, and like gravity was trying to set you two up, you were about to stand up, but because your feet were sore, you stumbled and were about to fall off your chair, only for Levi to catch you. Both of you couldn’t explain what this pull you had towards each other but as you were going to give in to the moment, your faces approaching each other, you’re brought back to reality with a jolt as you receive a phone call from Erwin.

“Hi, Erwin,” you answer the call, and you hear from the other side, “babe, are you still at Levi’s house? Let me pick you up.” You nod, “yes, Erwin, I’m here. Thank you, please let me know whenever you’re here.”

You two adjust your clothing as if you were about to commit a travesty. “Can we not-” you start, but Levi interrupts you, “don’t worry, I won’t tell Erwin or anyone. Thank you, for everything.”

You nodded, thanking Levi, as you got a call from Erwin, where he informs you that he had reached. Levi waved goodbye to you as you got into the car with Erwin, who said, “I miss you, baby,” as he kissed you on the cheek, and you smiled while he drove you home.

Over the next few days, shooting continued as usual, but suddenly, one day, you felt uneasy, nauseated, even. So you said you would be back in five minutes. That five minutes turned into an hour. Erwin checked on you in the meantime, and another hour passed by.  

Levi was then sent to your vanity car to call for you but as he approached you, he could hear you crying from outside. So, to avoid being caught, he stayed out of their line of vision, while peering through their window. “Babe, I can’t do this, I can’t hide whatever we have with us,” you vent to Erwin as Levi overhears with a confused expression.

“(Y/N),” Erwin said with a straight face, “you know that the fans of the Elysian Film Industry are not kind towards married women,” causing Levi to gasp silently in shock, but what was said next, caused him to go blank for a while, “let alone be married to me and be the mother of our child.”

In trying to comprehend what he had just heard, Levi realized he needed to get out of their sight before Erwin saw him. Thus, he hid behind the vanity car. His heart sank as he squatted on the ground, shocked to learn that his romantic interest was married and pregnant. It irked him more as he realized that you had to hide all of this due to prejudice against married women.

A moment later, he contemplated walking out of the film shooting, the reason being that it hit too close to home. He was reminded of why he hated this industry, to begin with, because his mother was isolated from him by it. Even so, he was determined not to leave you behind as he wiped the tears from his cheeks despite not having realized they were flowing. Instead, he will be by your side every step of the way.

Levi waited for Erwin to go before knocking on your door and calling out to you as he clenched his fist and clicked his tongue in annoyance. As Erwin left, he knocked, “Can I come in, (Y/N)?” You responded, “sure, please come in,” sniffling and wiping away your tears as you put on a phony grin.

When Levi enters, he kneels alongside you and takes your hand in both of his. He looks at you, concernedly. “(Y/N)? Is everything alright with you? Can I help you in any way?”

Even though you smiled, cupped his cheek, and said, “I'm fine, Levi. Thank you for taking such good care of me. I was just sick, that’s all,” he wasn't convinced by your response, but he was willing to overlook it all for the sake of your well-being.

Because you weren't feeling well during the next few days, production had to wind up early. Levi had noticed that your face had turned pale and you'd lost your usual pleasant smile one day at the shooting when you opted to leave early. Your shoulder had a bruise that he could see through. He sensed something had happened to you, and he was determined to find out what it was.

This time, Levi was the one who came home to see you, and when your butler opened the door, he was momentarily astonished, as if he had seen a ghost. Your face looked pale, your makeup was streaked with tears, there was a lot of material all over the place, and you were sobbing hysterically.

“(Y/N), are you okay? Please tell me what happened!” he exclaimed as he ran to you and took you in his arms. He looked at you with sad eyes, softly asking, “It’s okay, shhh,” quieting you, “I’m here. So, please, tell me what happened.”

That’s when you wrapped your arms around him, sobbing, “Levi, my baby, she’s gone. I had a miscarriage. Ever since then, Erwin’s been rude and distant with me, in private,” and showed her shoulders that had bruises, marks that most likely looked like from being hit. You continued, sniffling, “I even suspect that he's been cheating on me.”

This pissed Levi off but as he was about to suggest halting the production of the film, you said, sniffling, “Listen, Levi, we’re going ahead with the film. I don’t want this film’s reputation to be marred by this, it’ll cause a scandal and I don’t want that right now, so please, can we still do the film?”

He caressed your head and said, “okay, but I’ll be staying with you in the vanity car as a ruse for practicing lines. I want to protect you,” and that caused you to nod.

For the next few days, you hide your emotions and pain and channel it through acting out certain scenes. Erwin felt would make this your best performance, when in truth, you're terrified of his behavior if things go wrong.

However, the ambiance deteriorated. Erwin treated you rudely anytime you made a minor mistake, forcing you to shudder and be afraid of him. He insulted you in front of everyone by stating that he took you from nothing and made you the actress you are right now and that you needed to pull yourself together.

You were irritated especially since this was the first time he criticized you in public, but the completion of the project was critical to you. As you returned to the vanity car to rehearse lines, you found safety in Levi, who was wise beyond his years. He, a rookie, supplied more insight into his character than any seasoned actor you'd dealt with, and he incorporated that into their methods. It had gotten to the point where you only felt comfortable in the vanity car or other places where you hung out with Levi.

During one such vulnerable moment, in the vanity car, you were crying while he was hugging you. “Levi,” you sniffled, as you two were sitting in the car, “I don’t understand why he’s being rude to me, he’s not spoken a word of kindness to me these past few days, and I’m scared that he’ll leave me.”

Levi cups your cheeks with his hands and says, “If I were you, I’d walk out of the movie and the marriage, because you deserve much better, but I know that you’re a champion and you’ve handled him so far, I believe you can handle him till the end of the film. You should leave him, though,” smiling at you while wiping the tears off your face.

He examined your face for a moment, and looked at you in sheer awe. “(Y/N), do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

Suddenly, something sparked in his mind as he took something out of his bag to give you something. It was a snow globe that had the figures of two of them kissing while the snow was falling. As he keeps the snow globe to a side, in awe of him and everything that he’d been doing, you put your hands around his neck, draw your face closer to him and place a peck on his lips. Levi was expectedly dumbfounded by this action but closed his eyes anyway to not let go of the moment.

However, what was supposed to be a peck evolved into something else as your lips start to lock with each other, and you two end up kissing hard, as your fingers raked through his hair and he places his hand on the nape of your neck. A good amount of time passed by as you two were kissing only for realization to hit you hard as you forcefully released yourself from the kiss. “Levi, this, this can’t happen.” You stutter as Levi nods, and while both of you stayed silent, both of you realized that this was the best kiss that each other had in the longest time.

Despite that moment, everyone behaved professionally, not wanting to interrupt the shooting schedule, ensuring the film’s success. However, both of you were oblivious to the fact that ever since the accidental kiss you two shared, you're all he thought about, and he was all that you thought about.

You were the light in his life that was shrouded in darkness, and he was the escape that you needed from your harsh reality. As his Instagram account was established, and he uploaded the photographs that Furlan forced him to upload from the photoshoot, many people loved him, and many people judged each other for loving him and claiming him to be theirs, but one day, when the shooting ended, as you turned to him while you were walking away with Erwin, the languages that your eyes spoke said a thousand words to each other than flattery ever could. You two were truly in love with each other in a world full of facades, and you didn’t want to be okay without each other.

During your usual hangout at your vanity car, once you were done rehearsing the lines, you stared into each other’s eyes continuously, and with panting breaths, it hit you two that both of you realized that you liked each other and couldn’t stay away from each other. That’s when you gave in to your desires as you drew your faces closer to each other enveloping yourselves into a deep kiss as you move back to the bedroom that you’d made for quick naps.

As the clothes started to peel off each other’s bodies, the sheets were witness to a new love story blossoming as Levi kissed you in places that had the bruises, which caused you to wince, but he didn’t lose eye contact with you, because before you went back to shooting, he needed to express how deeply in love with you he was.

This didn’t end up being a one-time thing as every day, whenever you two finished practicing, you two would sleep with each other. You thus started a tryst with Levi unbeknownst to Erwin, who was clearly in awe of the way you two acted eventually in the scene, bringing the passion you two had for each other towards the film.

You didn’t just get closer to Levi physically. You two talked more often, connected on a deeper level than you with Erwin, and he introduced you to Furlan and Isabel, who accepted you wholeheartedly and were willing to defend you with all they had. Hange, while being friendly with you, warned the both of you, suggesting that you two be careful as Erwin would make life uneasy for you if he found out.

When Mikasa found out about the situation, she was concerned and doubtful about Levi’s intentions. However, once they met, she realized that he truly possessed the blood of an Ackerman. Stern and stubborn, yet kind-hearted deep down and accepted him wholeheartedly, willing to pitch in to help in however she could to ensure Kuchel’s recovery. During this time, Erwin and you had a big argument which led to you exclaiming that you were moving out of the apartment, and you then moved into Isabel’s apartment to ensure you and Levi continued to meet in secret to avoid any scandal. 

Five months later, the production was wrapped up and the film was set to release. A day before the private screening, Erwin called you, “(Y/N), are you excited about the private screening? I’d like it for us to go together.”

You scowled and were dumbfounded by his audacity to still appear on good terms in public. “Listen, Erwin,” you retorted, sitting up on the couch while you were initially lying down, “no matter how much you cajole me to come back to you, it’s not going to work. You’d made me feel miserable about myself ever since I had the miscarriage. Do you think I depended on you to get out of my miserable past? No, I chose to go with you. We married each other, remember? Or no, your reputation is too important for you, more important than our marriage!”

Erwin laughed maniacally as fear gripped you with his tone changing to something that she’d never heard. “Oh, poor (Y/N),” Erwin smirked, “did you think I’ll let the baby come into the world while we were supposed to be the most successful couple? Hah!” He scoffed, “absolutely not! Isn’t that right, Petra baby?” Petra? Baby?

You thought to yourself for a moment as it clicked. “Wait, Erwin,” you inquired, “did you cause the-” Erwin laughed again, as he responded arrogantly, “yes! I was the one who caused the miscarriage. Remember when I asked my assistant, Petra, to serve you tea before I came to call for you?”

Your eyes widened in the realization that that day, Erwin slipped a pill in the tea, that caused you to feel uneasy and that’s how you eventually lost the baby. You started seeing red as you clench your fists in rage, but as your (E/C) orbs land on the picture of the two of you in the hall, an idea pops in your mind as you take a deep breath and tell Erwin with a cunning smile, “you know what? Let’s go! There’s no point in arguing, right?”

As you walk in your red halter neck gown with Erwin and Levi to the private screening, several pictures were taken by different paparazzi. As you posed with different supporting actors, and finally, when you posed with Erwin and with Levi, people could observe the difference in your interactions. All of you went inside the theater, and as all of you saw the final product, Levi and you secretly held hands as you two saw that every scene was picturized beautifully and for his debut, Levi created magic on screen.

After coming out of the screening, Erwin was interviewed by Connie who had opted to be one of the interviewers for the screening. “Hello, Connie,” Erwin greeted him with a smile, following which Connie grinned, replying, “Hello, Mr. Erwin, I hope you can spare a couple of seconds for an interview.” Erwin nodded, causing Connie to tell Sasha to roll the camera and Jean to make notes. “So, Mr. Erwin,” Connie asked, “how did you like your film?” Erwin beamed and continued, “I can’t be more proud of my casting choices. As always, (Y/N) has left her mark on screen as one of the most talented actresses, period, but it was Levi’s night tonight as he shone on screen. He is a force to be reckoned with.”

Connie smiled, continuing, “that’s wonderful. Speaking of (Y/N), we’ve heard from different sources, that you two are actually married in secret, and that she even bore your child, is that true?”

Erwin scowled on hearing this, but put up a fake smile, saying, “Even if it was true, the industry sadly makes fun of married women, saying that they don’t deserve to work, so you should be able to understand why we kept our marriage a secret?”

Not fazing from his stance, Connie then asked a hard-hitting question. “Ah, that makes sense. Is that why you caused her to have a miscarriage?”

Erwin widened his eyes in shock, how did people come to know? Nervously laughing, Erwin said, “oh, but that’s nonsense. Who told you that?”

That’s when he heard a voice from a distance who replied, “I did,” Levi approached Erwin and Connie and replied, “Erwin, I thank you for the opportunity that you gave me. Working with you gave me the confidence I didn’t know I needed. However, I dug deep into some articles, and I realized that it was you, who reported to the press that my mother was pregnant with me, causing her to be isolated from the family. I also know, that my once close friend, Petra Ral, who now works with you, is now dating you. So, when I came to Isabel's house, I noticed that you and (Y/N) talking over the phone. So, I found a way to record the conversation and once I recorded the conversation, I found enough arsenal needed to take you down. So I took the tape to Mikasa, who took it to Eren and Armin, who then took it to Connie, Jean, and Sasha and we devised a plan, together.”

That’s when Levi’s uncle, Kenny Ackerman, a senior superintendent in the Military Brigade of Mitras, cuffed Erwin’s hands with Sasha continuing to record the whole thing. “Erwin Smith,” Kenny ordered, “you are under arrest for…”

As Kenny was reading out the crimes Erwin was arrested for, Levi walked away from there and ran to you to hug you. Your hug then caught the attention of a section of paparazzi. “It’s all over now, baby. We can be together without any fear and I promise to support you in every way,” he tells you while you smile, seeing that justice was finally served. 

© Shyna 2022 - reposting on any other platform is not allowed

[helena-thessaloniki]

“It’s in their language, the only one she seems to understand tonight.”

Beyond the Walls epilogue sneak peak for anon and everyone else patiently waiting 🖤

There are too many faces, too many names, titles, territories. Too many details to try and remember. Current campaigns, passion projects, spouses and the names of their children, where they’re from and what they plan to do here.  Like learning to speak another language, Mikasa tries to shape her mouth and twist her tongue to respond. 

Historia made it look effortless: meeting and greeting, nodding and shaking hands, kissing babies and grinning throughout it all. But Mikasa feels her stiff shoulders, distracted gaze and stunted smile, certain the others notice her disinterest, too. 

This isn’t the grand hall of the royal palace with its golden lacquer, vintage art, and brigade of stone-faced soldiers. The townhall in which the burgeoning Coastline Federation conducts its business is sophisticated, but far simpler. An open ceiling with skylight windows, freshly painted walls, and large-tiled floors in a swirl of sapphire blue. Despite the cooler shades the Coastliners always use, there’s a warmth that can’t be found in Mitras. 

Everyone’s smiling, laughing, or arguing good-naturedly. The lobby bustles with fast-talking chatter and jovial shouts. In the absence of formal etiquette, well-dressed bodies bump together, handshakes turning into arm-grabs, no hesitation between hugs. Mikasa would rather watch in wonder, but it’s like there’s a line she can’t see being formed; as soon as she finishes talking to one person, another steps in front of her and starts speaking. 

Mikasa finds a rhythm, engaging in polite conversation and political small talk, but she keeps Levi in her line of sight. Soon after they arrived, Harlo and his shock of red hair charged toward them, enveloping her in a hug that nearly rocked her off her feet. He asked to borrow Levi and she made the mistake of saying Levi wasn’t hers to lend out. Now the two of them remain on the opposite side of the room, posted like sentries at the double-doors that lead into the auditorium. Unlike her imaginary line, theirs is a very real one. And unlike her, Levi is a natural.

She watches him as often as she can. [...] 

Mikasa isn’t the only one stealing glances. Every few moments, Levi looks over to find her and locks his steely gaze onto her and her alone. Even when others clasp his shoulder or pull him in closer to speak into his ear, he doesn’t blink or turn away. It’s in their language, the only one she seems to understand tonight. We’re almost done, while an older man won’t stop rambling about his seashell collection. When Levi catches her flash of fear at a councilman approaching with eight children, Don’t worry, I don’t remember any of their kids’ names, either. 

Her favorite though, is how he looks at her lowly, heavy lids and lips quirked into half a smirk: Later, I’ll fuck any thoughts of this night right out of you. Mikasa has to hide her smile behind a cocktail napkin.

[rivangel]

I AM HERE FOR UR EVENT

may i have a letter from canonverse levi? (gee whiz, who saw that coming)

you can address me as cece in it, i prefer not to reveal my irl name.

perhaps in the letter... hmm, he sends it whilst dealing with beaurocrats in the inner walls w/ erwin, and the other commanders, and he's bored SHITLESS and he just misses me, while i (his second-in-command of sorts watches Eren and the rest of the squad.) maybe he can ask if i'm doing okay w/o him (you know how much i struggle with.... everything by myself 🥲) and any physical/mental traits he might miss about me hehehe. and saucy you say??? i will NOT say no that.

so yeah, checking in, saying what he misses and what we can do together when he's home ✨✨✨

HELLO MY FRIEND -- your wish is my command. i'm happy to😇 there's a photo version beneath the cut too so u have one that has handwriting 🙏

To my dearest,

If I didn’t sit down and write to you, I’d lose my mind from the shit spewing out of all these idiots in Mitras. I only have another day of politics left to deal with, but only you can make me impatient. Seeing how you’ve put up with the brats for me the past three days, I know you must be as sick of this distance as me.

If Erwin had half a brain, he would’ve let Hange drool over their research and allowed you to come along instead. They desperately wanted to, and the only reason I know that is because I’ve been forced in the same rooms as them since we left; most of it goes over my head, anyway.

You don’t realize it, but you have a better head on your shoulders than half of the idiots here. You’re a good listener. The bureaucrats would be spellbound and I wouldn’t have to be so distracted. Then again, at these fancy cocktail events, it’d be impossible for me not to be. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you in a dress; specifically, the one you wore when you dragged me all over Utopia District a month ago, trying different shortcakes.

Do you remember making it up to me? I need a repeat of that evening when things are back to normal again. This time, I can have you for longer than just one evening.

In case you couldn’t tell, I miss you. I only ramble on like this when we’ve spent too long apart. Try not to forget about me—else I’d look ridiculous sitting here, thinking of the sound of your voice and growing even more antsy. Imagination is never as good as the real thing.

It isn’t easy to sleep, either. It’s worse at night because you aren’t attached to me like you usually are—the lack of routine is getting to me. Make sure you’re getting enough rest. I can’t be there right now to point out how silly you are to overthink everything either, so write back and tell me how you are. It’s important to me.

Take care, Cece.

Yours, Levi

For my V-Day event: Pop a love letter to your favorite aot character into my inbox, and receive one back!

[sasa-gay-yo]

Just Us (Chapter Fifteen: Dedicate Your Heart)

← Chapter Fourteen

I thought I was going to die. Sitting there hearing his pompous ass ramble on about how better his life than ours in the Capital was going to make me go crazy if he didn’t stop. He seemed to enjoy it too. The way his lips curled into a smirk when he heard Jonas groan next to me as he went on and on about the luxuries of the capital and what the Military Police get for their monthly bonus. I was just trying to keep my best behavior up because Ben had threatened Jonas and me before this meet-up. It was even worse than I thought it was going to be too because Catrin wasn’t there to talk over him. I’d rather hear her babble on about her baby and hair salon than whatever shit is coming out of his mouth now. Duran was point-blank lying about all of this and you knew it. MPs just sit around and do nothing in the capital, and now he was accepted to join a special team that was so top secret, he could only tell us every detail? I didn’t buy it. Also, how was he considered an elite soldier? These were all the thoughts running through your mind while he talked. 

“That sounds like an amazing opportunity for you Duran. Maybe we can visit you as a family in the capital after your training.” I also laughed at Ben’s proposal, knowing good and well I was never going to willingly venture onto Duran’s turf where he can bullshit to us even more. If anything, we should show up at a random time so he’s taken by surprise and can’t cover up his lies with a few changes of cash. 

“But enough about me,” he feigned, “What’s been going on with you all here back home?” Ben looked at Jonas and me, then to his wife, and realized that he was the only one willing to talk, so he started off about his job and the cafe. I knew I’d be next, so I was trying to build some narrative in my head that Duran couldn’t pick apart. In the middle of the part where I’m trying to figure out how to not tell him about closing the shop for a period of time, Jonas kicked me under the table. As annoyed as I was, when I saw him move his head towards the back door I was the first one out of my chair. 

“Fresh air,” I mumbled, before walking out, not hearing Duran’s comment when Jonas got up to join me. 

“Those two finally together?” I slammed the door, forgetting that Jonas was right behind, and he walked out holding his head. I mumbled sorry before starting up the ladder to the roof. The spot that Jonas and I always went to do nothing. Once on the roof, it gave a nice view across Trost and I could see the top of the walls where the guns and Garrison sat in wait. A few days ago, the whole of Trost was awoken by cannon fire, and it took all but two hours for the café to be bustling with the rumors that the first titan had reached the outside of Trost. To say it was scary was an understatement, but it was overly annoying that now the people were rejoicing how close the Scouts were to save Trost if anything happened. I don't remember those praises when the mission to reclaim the wall had happened. How easily they could switch up because they needed personal protection astounded me. After that incident, the Scouts had allocated a few people to stand watch every day at the wall to kill any abnormal or call for help if the titans that destroyed Shiganshia were back again. It was morbid, but I was waiting for the day that the Colossal Titan, as people were calling it, reached a hand over Trost’s walls. Staring at them now, I could just picture it. 

“Penny for your thought, Ev?” Jonas took out a pack of cigarettes, a habit he acquired in the past few months, and got something out of his pocket to light it. The roof and outside of my apartment was the only place he could do it without getting yelled at by Ben or his roommates. I had done my best to warm him the first few weeks, but he seemed not to care. Still, I had no idea why he started now when he had years previous to do it.

“Thinking about when the Colossal Titan reaches Trost.” He took a drag and just nodded, counting on comments of morbidity to come from my mouth. It was a common theme now. 

“Anything else less… intense? I’m trying to have a relaxing time up here before I have to go down and listen to Duran’s mouth.” I smiled lightly, dangling my legs off the edge of the building. I had to think of something else to say because that’s truly all I was thinking about. These days, I don’t try and let my mind run.

“I was thinking about paying a few petty gang members to jump Duran on his way back to Mitras. You want to donate a few notes?” He sighed, this time shaking his head, but I could see the smile on his face. It was a tempting offer for the day we’ve had to endure. 

“Unfortunately, my crime funds have run low. If Catrin was here, she’d donate though.”

“She would.” The wind whipped through once, and I put my arms around myself, regretting not storming out with at least a jacket. It was almost winter. One month till the end of the year. Six months. 

“How long did Ben say Duran was staying? Am I going to have to entertain him tomorrow in the café?” Jonas snuffed out his cigarette on the brick before leaning back a bit to feel the wind enter his ashed lungs. 

“The week I think. At least he’s not staying in your old bedroom. Now I can’t stay at home when I want to for the next week. I have a double shift in two days and it was so much easier to come back here and sleep.” I groaned. God, I was going to have to entertain him and his new happy-go-lucky attitude. That was the worst part. While he was still annoying, braggy, and covertly malicious, the only thing that changed is that he seemed less interested in fighting outright. Actually, it was even more annoying because there wasn’t anything to call him out for upfront. He hid his ass well and Ben seemed to be eating up this fake persona.

“At least Ben isn’t forcing you to make food for this fucking family picnic inside the walls. It’s your fault for telling him about the meadow. I have no idea why now Ben feels like we need to be a family again, I’m almost thirty.” Jonas huffed one in laughter.

“I could think of a few reasons why, but I’d like to keep the peace we’ve made tonight.” I nodded, knowing what some of those reasons were.

“I’m glad you’ve made that decision.” He threw the cigarette off the building and I watched it fall and hit the ground. The last spark flew out of it when it hit the mud, and quickly burnt out. I just stared at it for what seemed like forever. 

“If you went back to your old self, you know, became happy again, I’m sure Dad wouldn’t force you on family picnics.” Ah, there it was. The daily comment about my state of emotion. It was different than last time. I wasn’t crying anymore and I didn’t show up to the café with bloodshot eyes from no sleep. No, I was calm. I was living on spite. There would be no tears for someone who would never drop them for me. There was anger. Definitely anger. Sometimes it came out too. The latest victim was Elias who had spilled over a whole pail of water and I yelled at him loud enough for Jonas, who was outside throwing away garbage, to hear. I bought him any sweet he wanted from the corner shop to apologize. He wasn’t the only one I’d let my anger out on. 

Hange visits me now. I don’t know why she does it, and every time she sits in his seat. At first, it was annoying to be reminded of him, but I grew to like her conversation. Once, however, she talked about him, and I yelled at her to stop. She seemed used to it for some reason, not even flinching with my harsh words. Even after, she continued as nothing happened and let me feel guilty. The last time she came, about the same time the first titan reached Trost, I treated her to an extra tart because of it. 

“This is me now, Jonas. Pretty much.” I pushed back the skin on my nails knowing he would protest that. 

“No, it’s not. I’ve never seen you act like this. This isn’t you.” I just hummed, agreeing so he would stop pressing it. I’d try my hardest every day to not think about it. One-track mind. 

“You two! Come back down! It’s time for dessert!” The door slammed behind Ben, signaling he’d gone back inside after yelling at us. Jonas stood up before I could say something back, motioning that the conversation was done. This is how it usually went. He was too overwhelmed with the fact that I had no emotion anymore and then just left the conversation. 

“Well come on then.” 

For the rest of the week, my detest towards Duran was building. He came every day to the café, dressed up in his MP uniform, and talked to everyone like he owned the place. Some of the older women also flaunted over him, remembering the days he was here and making some form of fake past where he actually stayed in the café. I couldn’t even remember a clear time when he was in the café while I was working, and I worked there every day. They must have remembered something very, very different than I did. I just stood there and watched with distaste and told all my grievances to Jonas.  On the day of the picnic, I was about to completely snap. 

The family picnic had included Elias and June and Jonas’s sister. Elias and June had come to the café that morning, asking if they could stay with me since their family was starting another cult meeting and I agreed, knowing it would be a welcoming distraction to Duran. We were now waiting outside Jonas’s house. Waiting for Duran to put his stupid MP gear on. He thought the citizens of Trost would marvel at his status, not having any MPs here, but I told him that they’d rather spit on him. That set him off once, but he easily controlled it. I guess this new squad needed him to control that nasty ass personality to be in it. Good.

“And the person who bought the book said that it was like brand new! Mr. Philpa even commended me on my work! I really think I’m starting to get the hang of it.” I mustered to give June a smile, trying to keep her happy atmosphere up. I would need it today if I was going to be forced to listen to Duran for hours now. Since I insulted him this morning, I was going to have a target on my back the rest of the day. That was very clear when he complimented how well my makeup covered up the huge black circles on my face. Passive aggressive ass. 

“Alright, everyone! Time to head out!” Ben was over the moon that his family had gathered to do something. He was the family man, always. It was probably instilled in him by Mrs. Flynn, at least that’s what Catrin had said, and it was getting to be annoying. I could come to their house to eat, but to forcibly make me make food for Duran who was just going to complain about the flavor? I couldn’t handle that. I swore up and down the kitchen when I was making this last night. As we walked to the Trost entrance, Duran just kept talking, and even at the front of the pack with Jonas and Elias, I could still hear him rambling. It was giving me a headache, which was a telltale sign I was going to burst any minute. This is always what happens when I yell at someone. The anger builds up into physical pain, and I can’t get rid of it any other way. In the dead of the night, I’ll wake up from a dream and find no better remedy than yelling Fuck really loud. It’s embarrassing when I forget Jonas is usually on my couch.

“You good?” Jonas leaned in to whisper in my ear and I just looked at him out of the side of my eyes. He got the memo and continued talking to Elias about his school work. It was too loud in this part of Trost, and Duran’s stupid voice was even louder. This coupled with the fact that people would stop to talk to Ben or even me was getting to be way too much. This is why I stayed in the café most of the time. 

“Eva, haven’t seen you come this way for a while,” the Garrison captain called out from where he and the morning watch were playing cards on a barrel. At that moment, I vividly remembered punching him in the face, and I was tempted to do it again as he stopped the whole party to talk to me. The way he said it was definitely hinting at the fact that I was no longer in his secretly assessed relationship. 

“I’ve just come when you’re not around, Captain. Probably drunk in a pub somewhere.” Duran was the first to hop into the conversation, ready to begin a military circle jerk. 

“Evylnn, that’s not how you talk to a military member! Good morning, Captain.” Duran held his hand out to the Captain who gave one weary look at it and shook it. He remembered Duran correctly and he knew how much trouble he’d gotten into as a kid. He was also probably surprised that he had an MP uniform on when he would throw rocks at the Garrison.

“I don’t know what it’s like in Mitras, but that’s how we talk to them here in Trost, Duran. Then again, what would a military mouse like you know?” He turned and glared, making me reminisce about the real Duran. The signature glare was still there. You just had to wait for it.

“We’re just leaving, Captain. Sorry to bother you!” Ben grasped my shoulder, hard, making me pay for what I’d said to both the Captain and Duran. He pulled me too, right to the front where Jonas and the kids were standing. While he pushed me, he whispered a threat in my ear. 

“If this picnic is ruined by you, you’re paying.” I didn’t react, even though I wanted to roll my eyes at him. It wouldn’t be my fault if I said something to make everyone uncomfortable. It would be Duran’s fault because he provoked me. I just tsk-ed as he let me go and started walking back to join Analee. 

“You don’t know how bad I want to ruin this picnic now, Jonas.” He sighed, but I could definitely tell it was to hide a laugh in front of Elias and June. When we got to the open gate, the Garrison soldiers saw my glare and just let us through without any protest. Usually, this large of a group would be questioned thoroughly, but since I was in it, they knew not to ask me anything. Duran seemed surprised by this and stopped to yell at them for not doing their job, holding us up again. I just stood there, halfway through the tunnel as he blabbed on and on able the Garrison's responsibility like he was their boss. An MP wasn't going to boss Garrison members around, but here he was in his arrogance, trying to do that.

“You don’t know how to do your jobs! If there’s a group this large the-” 

“Scouts are coming!” Someone yelled from above the wall, and when I looked out the entrance, I could see the horses nearing the walls. They were leaving late today, but how could I forget it was the first of the month. 

“Please, Miss. Flynn, we're going to ask you to move and stay here till the Scouts progress through. It won’t be that long there isn’t a lot of them.” I was touched by one of the Garrison soldiers, and I quickly shrugged their hand off of me, not wanting to move. I could see Erwin now in front of everyone, and subconsciously I was looking for the black hair. Jonas was the one to come over and drag me to the side of the tunnel so I wouldn’t get trampled on impact. 

“How could I forget?” I whispered, and I knew he had heard it. Technically, there were supposed to leave by the time I woke up today, making sure I never was tempted to look out my window when they left. Whenever they came back, I would sit in the back room too. I was making such an effort to never see him, but now I was forced to stand here as the Garrison blocked the two sides of the tunnel. Duran and the rest were held back and only Jonas, Elias, June, and I stood in the tunnel. I couldn't even hide. I was there in plain sight and I knew I would be face to face with him. I hardened my face quickly as they approached. He wasn’t going to get to see any emotion from me. Just like he did to me. He stood on his horse right next to Erwin and right in front of me. I didn’t even look at him like I said I was going to do. I stared right at Erwin who was stopped by the Garrison squad leader to do a head and supply count. 

“Commander Erwin!” Elias called out, making everyone who didn’t care about our presence now look right at us. I felt the eyes. I heard some of the whispers. Some of them didn’t die between then and now, and they remembered my face. It was telling too that I couldn’t stare at Levi, but I didn’t feel his eyes on me. He didn’t care about me. I had to remind myself about that. He didn’t care. That’s why he left me. He used me. I just had to tell myself this over and over again to try and forget. I was doing so good recently too. I’d only think about him once a day now, but this instance was going to ruin it. If I even glanced and met his eye, it would all be gone. 

“Hello, Elias. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. You’ve grown,” he looked over to me, noticing that the two of us were just glaring at him instead of looking at each other, “Eva. It has been too long.” I fought back the urge to scoff, but I knew I had to respond. I had to let him know I wasn’t hurt. 

“It has, hasn’t it Commander. If you come to the café with Squad Leader Hange, I’ll treat you.” I smiled. The best smile I had mustered in months. He needed to know I was done. I was past him. I didn’t need him. I didn’t think of him every night. I didn’t regret not sleeping in my bed once with him. He needed to know that I didn’t. 

“Of course I’ll take you up on that offer, Eva. Well, we’ll be off.” He nodded down to the Garrison soldier and they moved the blocks out of the way so the horses and carts could continue. When his horse started walking, I thought it safe to look at him. His eyes were filled with that one emotion. The one that was there when he had nightmares. When he confessed his feelings to me. When he told me about his life in the Underground. The emotion, still unnamed to him, I had labeled pain. He was in pain. I hoped my eyes didn’t display the emotion that I was feeling either. With one look up, and one sheer shot of pain through my heart, I looked back down on the ground. He knew. He knew exactly what I’d been through. What I was thinking. And it was sadistic of me to think that for one second that that look of pain was because he missed me. No, it must have pained him to see how hopeless I was. It must have further proved that I couldn’t live without him. Pain. I was feeling pain. I was feeling it this whole time. These whole six months. 

“You may carry on, Mr. Flynn.” 

“I didn’t know that you knew the Commander of the Scouts, Eva. Fitting.” I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. He was talking about Kristian. I handed the picnic basket of food to Jonas and took one look at Duran and smiled wickedly. 

“I’m sorry you’re jealous that I’m closer to high ups than you’ll ever be, Duran. Maybe if you got on your knees for them like you probably did to get on this special squad of yours, then you’d be in my position. Sorry brother, but I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll be cleaning the café.” Ben didn’t stop me, but I knew he was mad. I’d ruined his figurative perfect family picnic and now he was going to have to deal with a pissed-off Duran and talk about me the whole time. I did feel a bit guilty, but I just couldn’t stand being there. Not now. I took the long way home, making sure not to cross the main road, and walked up to my apartment from the back. I shut all my windows too. Loud. Hoping that maybe if he was situated outside my window in formation, he would hear it. 

I left those upstairs windows closed for what felt like forever. Jonas would always complain how stuffy it felt with no light besides oil lamps in the living room, but I always yelled at him if he went to touch them. I need to stop myself from being tempted. Every first of the month, I would hear it. I heard the horses and the carts match forward. I listened to Erwin’s speech each time. Every speech had a similar form and ended with the famous line shinzo wo sasageyo. There would be some lowered shouts and then they would all ride off to the other gate into the land of the titans. Give your hearts. How to give your heart when it’s in pieces? That’s what I thought every time and if the windows weren’t closed, I would have looked out to see Levi. Was he looking up at the windows like he used to? Giving me a firm nod before they left, only to do the same when I saw them come back. I wanted to know so bad, so that’s why I kept them shut. If I looked and he didn’t do it, it would ruin the illusion in my mind that somehow he still had feelings for me.

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa came back too. One last time before they were off to training camp. I was touched that they would remember my single act of kindness, and I treated them to their last sweet meal for three years. 

“If we can write letters, Miss. Eva, I’ll write one to you.” Armin told me in confidence, and I nodded, telling him that I would like that. Even if I’d known them for so little, it was hard to see them off to training camp. They were cadets now and Eren was still going on about killing all the titans. I guess it was a bit refreshing to see such passion in his eyes, but it still scared me a little. I told him to calm himself down before they stepped off back to their last night in the Garrison storeroom. They waved, even Mikasa, and I made them take a little food-to-go. Once they were done with training, they would be stationed in Trost as cadets before going to be Scouts. They would visit me then, they promised. I would be able to see them all grown up. I also told them that I would probably be able to see them when they graduate regardless, but it gave something for the others to look after. Armin and Mikasa seemed much less enthusiastic to go out in the field and kill titans.

“Their names are Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. At least, Eren said he wanted to join the Scouts.” I passed the cup of coffee over to Hange who seemed to be scribbling furiously in her notebook. I had to even light a candle since she had stayed so late, stuck by some inspiration. After their last exhibition, she’d gotten to study a titan’s gut up close and she said she needed an extra dose of coffee to be able to draw everything. 

“If they want to be in the Scouts that bad they will. Only the top 10 people get to be an MP and then the rest usually go to the Garrison. Scouts are a special breed. We usually only get twenty in good years.” I took a sip of my coffee, not caring about how long I’d stay up tonight. I’d probably be here talking to Hange either way. She seems to have made it her mission to not let me feel lonely. Every time she comes she has little tasks for me or something that she needs to consult people for. I never get sleep on the days that Hange comes, but I feel a bit warmer slipping into bed. 

“I have a brother who went to the MPs, that means he was in the top ten of his class?” I gave her a look of disbelief. There was no way Duran was actually good at what he did. Top ten my ass. He would be bragging about it if he was.

“The only way they would allow that if most of the top 10 pick Scout or Garrison. The MPs need to hit a certain quota every year, so that could be why. What do you think of this? Is it proportional to the titan's body?” She showed me her notebook and pointed to something that looked like a small intestine. I shrugged.

“Hange, I don’t know what titans look like.” She sighed, nodding. 

“You’re right, I forget that you aren’t a Scout. You know, you’re the only person who isn’t a Scout that I know.” I didn’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not. 

“Don’t you have a family, Hange?” She pulled back the notebook and erased the part she pointed out at me, redrawing it. 

“Well, yeah, but they don’t count. It’s just my parents and they don’t really care about titans either. I think they’re just fascinating.” I gave her a light smile before turning to look out the window at the setting sun. The snow was starting to melt now, but relatively early. I wondered what Eren and the others were doing. If it wasn’t dinner, then probably more training. Their first day was only a few days ago and Hange had told me again about the man who trains them. Hard as a rock and yells really loud. She didn’t have him personally, but he spent his last year in the Scouts when she had just joined.

“I wish I knew more about titans and the military. A lot of people I know are in the military, so it would make sense, you know?” She put her pencil down and crossed her hands. 

“If you want to know more about titans I can tell you about all my experiments. If you want to know more about the military, you can ask me. I’ve been there a while.” She pushed her glasses up again and I turned to look at her. Hange really was an almanac in front of me. 

“Do titans really look like they draw them in the newspaper? They look like big humans?” A finger went up as she started her lecture. 

“Titans have faces like humans sometimes, and other times their features are often... oversaturated. We have no idea why this variation happens occurs. Some look like big versions of you and me, and others look like they have giant eyes, a small forehead, and huge lips. Like three feet long lips. They’re naked too, but without human genitalia. It’s just bare down there. Most of the time, they just look like pink humans. Then there are abnormals.” 

“I’ve heard those words before,” I pointed out and she nodded quickly. I wasn’t going to tell her who I heard it from, but I’ve heard it. 

“Abnormals are those who don’t act like regular titans. They might have more intelligence or partially weird bodily traits. Some can jump, others can crawl. You probably heard it when people talked about Shiganshina. The two titans that broke through the walls were abnormal. One was taller than the walls and the other was really muscular and had armored plates on its body. And it was yellowy-orange, which is not a titan color. But you want to know why those titans are even more abnormal than abnormals?” Her eyes lit up in the candlelight, and it was almost scary how she was getting when talking about this. I wondered how the Scouts got so lucky to find someone like Hange to discover these things for them. 

“Why?” 

“They disappeared. Poof!” She yelled using her hands, “Into thin air! No matter which titan they are, the body is always there to cut into. Once we got there, both the Colossal and the Armored Titan were gone in thin air. There was no way that would happen with any normal titan. I just want to know why! This is like one of the biggest titan secrets ever!” They disappeared into thin air?

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

“I know!” She seemed delighted with this information, “You can see why people left this out of the newspapers. The citizens would go crazy if they knew a titan that was like 80 meters tall just walked off!” She went off in her usual manic laughter after that, just overly joyed that a titan like this could have an ability like that and she was one of the only people who could figure out the mystery. 

“Hange, are you supposed to tell me all of this?” She stopped laughing and blinked once or twice before breaking out into a smile again. 

“No.” This made me laugh too. That was Hange’s ability. I don’t laugh unless it’s about her. Really laugh. She says jokes or acts in a way that lightens the mood in the empty café. I thank her for that regularly.

“Hange, it’s getting late, you should probably head out. You have an expedition tomorrow… Unless you want to stay here. I have space upstairs.” This was the first time Hange had come over when an expedition was the next day. She apparently snuck out to come here and it would probably be hard to sneak back in. I knew by the way her eyes lit up too that she was going to agree. 

This is how I found that, besides the length of the pants, Hange and I were the same size. She sat on the couch, a blanket around her shoulders, staring down at the notebook with the same intensity as earlier. This would be the first time Hange had stayed over. Hange was also very comfortable with this idea. I offered her space in my bed and she took it right away. However, this began to be a mistake on my part because she couldn’t stop talking next to me. 

“This bed is really comfortable, what is it made out of?” 

“Feathers.” 

“If you had to choose between eating a whole onion or eating a cockroach, what would you pick?” 

“Can I choose neither, what kind of question is that?” 

“Okay, eaten or stepped on by a titan.” 

“... stepped on.”

“I agree!” At first, it was a welcomed distraction. When I was alone in my bed, these were the times I thought of him. Especially since I would wake up to the sounds of the horses at my front door. I wouldn’t cry anymore. It had been too long. Pretty soon, it would be over a year of loneliness and discontent. I hadn’t seen his face since the picnic disaster, and all I had of him were the letters. The letters that I now kept shoved under my mattress so that I could read them. Over and over. The letters that hid his lies. I fed into the lies too. When I read the letters, I didn’t feel alone. I would revert back to the times when I met him. The times when he wrote me these letters. When I was in love. Who am I kidding, I’m still in love. I never forgot. That’s why the letters are sitting under my mattress, right below my arm. It hurt. It always did. Loving someone who didn’t love you back. I never experienced it till now. This was how Jonas felt. 

“Eva?” Hange asked, seeing that I was staring up at the ceiling, getting lost in my thoughts. I’d have to remember that she was there. I couldn’t wake up screaming into the night like I had before. She wouldn’t ignore it like Jonas did. 

“Yes, Hange?” She shifted so that she was facing me. 

“He still asks about you.” My heart clenched and I closed my eyes. No. Not now. It was fueling me. The thought all the way back in my mind. He was lying. He did love me. 

“Does he?” It was hard to spit out and it sounded like a whisper when it didn’t mean to be. 

“I’m not allowed to tell you everything, but he does. He misses you.” 

“Why are you telling me this, Hange?” I could feel her smile next to me, and I turned my head to see it. It was a smile that was hiding secrets from me. 

“Because I want to make you two happy again. You two aren’t happy like you were before.” I sighed, turning away from her as I felt tears well in my eyes. There goes my three-month-long record of no crying. 

“He doesn’t love me, Hange. You of all people know that.” She tsk-ed, just like him. 

“You’ll know soon. Both of you will. I know it.” I sniffled once, and she already had her hand on my back. Great. She heard me. Was she going to tell Levi about this? 

“It’ll be okay, Eva. Trust me.” 

The next morning, she woke me up. She was already dressed and hopping around the apartment and I just took my first few steps out. The front windows were open too, for the first time in months. The light was radiating down onto the kitchen counter and living room table she was currently sitting at, gathering her things.

“Good morning, sunshine! Isn’t it such a nice day to go see some titans?” I huffed once, rubbing my eyes to get them more awake. This was the earliest I’d been up at in a while. Only Hange would say something like that this early in the morning. 

“Don’t you need your gear?” I walked to the kitchen, looking out at her in the living room. 

“Moblit will bring it. He knows I’m here. He’s a member of my squad.” I nodded, turning on a kettle to make hot water for coffee. I’d offer it to her as retribution for comforting me last night. Maybe I’d ask her to not tell him what happened either. I didn’t want him to know I was still weak after all this time. She just looked down at her notebook, writing more and more things in it, a book to her left. I never knew how she could read so much. 

“Coffee?” I offered to after I poured some, but she shook her head, saying it would make her even more jittery during the expedition. I could already see that when the time entered for the horses to be filling up in Trost’s main drag that she was shaking, not with fear, but excitement. What a weird girl, I thought, shaking my head at her. We talked a bit here and there about the expedition's plans, but at this point, we were both waiting for the Scouts to come and pick her up. I was planning too. Planning whether I would close up those windows as she exited.

When they finally came, she did something unexpected. She grabbed my wrist, letting me put on some proper shoes, and then pulled me down my front stairs to hundreds of eyes preparing for take-off. It was a bit embarrassing that I was just in a single nightgown in front of all of them, and Hange seemed to forget I was only wearing sandals as she pulled me.

“Moblit!” She yelled and pulled me into the middle of the Scouts. Now, I was feeling really watched. Those who survived had now seen my face for the third time. When Hange yelled, a long-faced blonde turned around, ODM gear in his hand. He looked shaken too like he was about to get yelled at. 

“Moblit, this is my friend, Eva! I was having a sleepover at her house last night. My gear, thank you!” The blonde man, Moblit, dropped her gear and bowed to me. I bowed a little bit back, putting my hands on my arms. The morning was still not yet a summer one, so wearing nothing over my slip was making me start to freeze. Everyone here had on a coat and the signature green cape while I was bare. 

“Hello, Moblit,” I managed out and he turned to Hange to talk about something. I just stood there, not knowing if I was able to just leave, or if Hange had wanted to talk more. With every passing moment, I was getting more and more anxious about seeing one face in the field. That’s why I was staring right at Hange, eyes not moving anywhere no matter how tempted I was. 

“Oh my goodness!” Hange announced loudly, making others turn to look again, “You’re freezing! How could I drag you out here like this!?” She turned around to look through the bags on the cart behind her. She was probably looking for something to give me so I wasn’t freezing and shivering. This probably meant that she was going to make me stand and talk to her before Erwin dismissed the families. That’s what usually happened. Some wives, husbands, and families who relocated to Trost would come in the morning to say goodbye for, possibly, the last time, and Erwin would politely dismiss them before giving his big shinzo wo speech. 

“Moblit, do we have any extra capes, I can’t find on-” The green dropped over my shoulders rather sloppily, but I could feel the warmth left behind by the previous wearer. I didn’t want to turn behind me to see who it was though. I knew who it was. So did Moblit. So did Hange. So did the others who were still looking at me. They knew who had given me the cape, and they were surprised at the generosity. I was scared. Scared of the generosity. What did it mean? How did it align with what Hange said last night? 

Mint, lemon, and cedar. 

“Please, don’t expose yourself in front of my cadets.” The horse trotted off to the front, but his foot lightly brushed my back. Just that one touch. That one single second. It sent a chill down my spine. It had been so long since I’d touched him. The last time was our last goodbye. Just like the families here in Trost. I’d held him on my doorstep, right before the expedition, not knowing that it would be our last goodbye.

Hange stood up, giving me the same smile she did last time. It said those two words. Trust me. What was Hange doing? Had she changed his demeanor? Why could I still feel that chill down my spine? Why was I holding his cape so close to me when I should’ve been throwing it on the ground? 

I took the cape off my shoulders, taking one look at it before giving it back to Hange. I wouldn’t let him do this. I wouldn’t let him care about me. The chill, however, was unbearable after I handed it back. It wasn’t just the chill of the morning wind anymore. It was the chill of his eyes still on me as I handed it back to Hange. 

“I-I need to get the… the café, yeah, I need to get it ready.” She nodded, the smile still on her face, and I turned around to go back up to my apartment. 

“That’s cute! Haha, look at this, Moblit. Levi marks his cape with a little L so he knows it’s his!” I stopped walking. I was at the edge of the Scouts, all of them behind me, yet if I looked to my side I would get a view of him. He was always on the right of Erwin. So, that’s what I did. After Hange said that, I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and locked eyes. There it was again. Pain. His eyes were full of pain. Vivid pain that made me feel it too. My heart twisted inside, and I was so close to getting caught if I didn’t stalk up the stairs to my apartment and close the door. I crouched down, my back against the door, the tears coming again. Pain. That’s all I felt. Pain. Why had he done that? Why was I suffering this whole time? Why had he put an L on his cape? What was it supposed to show me? Why were we suffering? Why couldn’t he just tell me plainly? Why couldn’t I understand what he was doing? Why? Why? Why? 

I cried through Erwin’s speech, his words a lot louder this time. They were echoing in my head. About sacrifice. About saving the world. Everything that would make an apprehensive cadet ready to go outside the walls and die. And then he ended it. That one phrase. 

“Cadets! Scouts! The people of Trost! Shinzo wo sasageyo!” The cries lifted in the air. They made my head hurt. I wondered if Levi heard my cries from inside my apartment. I held my head in my hands. 

“I can’t. I can’t dedicate my heart. Not again. Not again.”

Jonas found me like that when I didn’t show up for his morning delivery. The café remained closed that day. And the next. I closed the windows back up too. Jonas didn’t question what happened either. He just stacked up the delivery boxes in the stock room and then left, promising he’d come back later when he was off. When he came back, I was still in the same spot he put me on the couch. He echoed his words from the first time. 

“What did he do?” and I just shook my head. 

xx just a cute little double update for yall

Chapter Sixteen →

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[fuzzyporcupine]

lead me with your hands tied | chapter one

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1 - 

summary:

In the midst of a crumbling kingdom at war, Levi Ackerman is commissioned by King Jaeger to paint a portrait of his overzealous son.

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"You don't think I'm worthy enough to be the king?"

"No, I think you're a spoiled brat who would rather play with pomp and circumstance than save his own people from starvation," Levi spat.He was beautiful.

And Levi hated him. 

Hated the entire royal family, in fact. It was no subject of contention that the long-standing war with the neighboring kingdom of Marley had caused many of the subjects to feel the same sentiment. Too many had been lost in a pointless war that seemed to be nothing more than a glorified pissing match between two old men. 

The results of the near decade long conflict were evident in the starving bodies perched pathetically against the crumbling stone walls of the houses that once provided comfort and warmth. For many, the only things the homes represented anymore was a stark reminder of what had been unwillingly stripped from them. 

The carriage rattled along the stretch of the dirt road, plumes of dust traveling off the large wheels and into the air behind them. Sighing, Levi leaned back into the plush seat. It would serve him well to remember why he had been called upon to travel such a distance to confer with the King of Shinganshina, and it certainly wasn’t to help rehabilitate a long-forgotten populace. 

The journey from Mitras had been exceptionally uneventful. The poor bastard of a coachman who had the unfortunate task of escorting Levi to the castle had attempted some small talk at the beginning of their voyage. However, it became quickly apparent that Levi was much more content with listening to the wind whistle past his ears than the ramblings of an underpaid deliveryman. 

Three days later, they had arrived in Shinganshina, greeted by the cries of hungry babes and the moans of dying men. 

He had not traveled to Shinganshina since he was a young teen accompanying his uncle on one of the man’s dubious business trips. Levi remembers the life and energy that used to ebb from the streets. Vendors smiled as they echoed their prices into the air. Children laughed and dashed throughout the streets in a game of tag. Existence was peaceful, not this dismal skeleton of a life once lived. 

Levi wondered silently how the people would react to the news of his arrival. Knowing that the king was spending precious coin to commission an artist rather than keep his villages fed. He doubted they would be very surprised. 

The commission had arrived in the form of a letter, ominous and bearing the king’s crest. At first, Levi had been sure it was an order of arrest - positive that some of Kenny’s misdealings had fallen to his unlucky nephew. Half expected a unit of royal soldiers to be shortly following. However, instead, the letter contained a request. Odd for the King of Shinganshina, who usually seemed to only demand, demand, demand. 

The details in the letter were cryptic. All he knew was that His Majesty had requested his presence in order to commission his skills. Remembered the taste of bile in his throat at the mere thought of appearing in front of the king. He wasn’t afraid. No, more so disgusted. The royal family was nothing more than a herd of filthy pigs bathing in riches instead of mud. 

Hopefully, though, those riches were going to save him from the poor house. Contrary to what the fine silk waistcoat and dark wool breeches might lead one to believe, Levi had lost the last of his funds long ago. No one wanted to commission a painting in the middle of a goddamn war. No one but His Majesty, it seemed. 

Regardless, who was he to deny a king?

A dead man, Levi thought.

“We’re approaching the gate, sir.” The coachman declared, voice muffled by the sound of hooves against the dirt. Icy eyes scanned ahead, spotting the extended drawbridge. The castle walls were intimidating. Despite the decaying state of the village, the fortress seemed no worse for wear. Grey stone walls stretched up into parapets, shielding the Shinganshina archers standing to attention as Levi approached the portcullis. 

“The defenses are quite impressive,” Levi stated absentmindedly as he glanced upwards at the battlements. 

“Ha! Thinking of storming the castle, are you?” 

“I’m afraid that I am hardly equipped to lay siege on Shinganshina,” Levi relayed, eyes drifting over to his bag of materials. The coachman’s shoulders shook in amusement as the carriage drifted beneath the large iron gate.  

Metal clanged and rattled the air as Levi observed multiple soldiers training off near the barracks. They seemed skilled enough for a group of soldiers who couldn’t seem to finish a bloody war. Levi’s fists clenched. 

“His Majesty will be expecting you this evening, sir.” 

Levi grunted, shifting to rest his chin on a still tightened fist as he observed the passing scenery. The courtyard was bustling, a sharp contrast to the village resting beyond the gate. Faces were brighter and spirits seemed joyful as Levi watched the numerous soldiers and servants converse. Maybe there was an end in sight, after all. 

They came to a slow stop in front of the keep. Like the rest of the castle, it was imposing. The Jaeger family crest hung proudly against the sides of the stone walls. Levi couldn’t help but sneer. 

He gathered his belongings, a simple brown bag that did the job of carrying his supplies. The coachman jostled the carriage as the hefty man jumped down from his post. As the carriage door was opened, Levi muttered his thanks, stepping out onto the cobblestone.

“You must be Mr. Ackerman.” He turned to find a woman waiting for him on the steps of the keep. She was a servant, that was clear enough from her attire. Strawberry hair was pushed behind her ears to reveal a petite, cherub face painted with a faint smile and large dark eyes. “I’m Petra Ral. His Majesty sent me to fetch you once he heard word that you had arrived.” 

Levi hummed, flexing his fingers around the handle of his bag. “A pleasure.” 

“I’ll escort you to your room to bathe. I’m sure you’re eager to rinse away the long journey.” More than she probably knew. The thought of sinking into warm water was enough to have his toes curling. 

“That would be most appreciated.” She nodded, turning on her heel to venture back up the stairs into the keep. His ankle ached as he trekked behind her, the result of an old childhood injury that never saw proper medical care. The sting was not usually this noticeable, but the joint was rebuking being sedentary for so long on the trip from Mitras. And when he finally reached the top, Petra seemed none the wiser to his lameness. 

The large and robust castle doors had been thrown open in anticipation of his arrival. Designed to resist even the strongest of armies. He paused, breath caught in the back of his throat as he contemplated the consequences of turning back. Of bribing the coachman with promises of future payment in return for a speedy voyage back to Mitras. Thinking of the worst thing that could happen should he void his duty to meet the king in the flesh.

Your head on a spike, that’s what. 

Swallowing hard, Levi continued forward, grip just a little bit tighter on his bag.

“Everything alright, sir?” 

Levi cleared his throat, “Wonderful.” Petra gave him a smile in return, but this one didn’t quite reach her eyes. Made him believe that maybe she had already seen through his facade.

The castle doors had opened into a large foyer, walls decorated in rich velvets and detailed paintings. At the center of it all was a grand staircase, cascading upwards into the higher regions of the keep. Levi tried not to appear too mystified. 

However, Petra did not give him time to gawk, moving forward toward a narrow hallway. He increased his pace, reasoning that this castle was the last place he would like to find himself lost. The destination was not too much further, only around one more bent hallway and three doors to the right.

Two servant girls giggled over the bath as he entered the room, steam emitting from the water below. 

“Ladies, I see your work is done.” The two girls immediately stiffened, faces blanched in shock. “Off with you then.” Petra waved her hand, the staff quickly shuffling out of the room and closing the door behind them. “Will you need any assistance bathing, sir?”

Levi almost swallowed his tongue, tips of his ears warming in embarrassment. “Absolutely not.” 

Petra muffled a chuckle behind her hand. “As you wish, sir.” He adverted his eyes from her seemingly all-knowing gaze. He had hardly spoken a few words to the woman, and he already felt like she knew too much. “I shall take my leave. I will return once you are finished bathing, sir.” Levi nodded, placing his bag next to a large brown coffer. 

The door opened with a quiet creak and closed with the same tune. A rush of air left his lungs as soon as he felt sure he was alone. 

“Shit,” he whispered, pulling his cravat free from his throat. Placing the fabric neatly over the furniture, he began to undress. Peeling away layers of clothes that symbolized something he never was. Probably never would be. 

Levi cringed. 

If he were a superstitious fool, he would believe this was all fate setting up some great challenge. Sending him into the lion’s den, as it were, to face the ones so despised and loathed. He was nothing more than an artist, though. An artist here to collect a sum of coin and return back to Mitras a richer man. 

As he sunk into the bathwater, he continued to remind himself even as images of the near dying flashed across his mind. An artist - nothing more nothing less. 

An artist who wanted to kill the king.