#miss when ive had my childhood innocence and happiness

[amberinn]

and now for the next trick let's put the whit in loverboy

guys its september 20 im getting a drdt episode as a birthday present

guys september 20 my birthday guys wish me a happy birthday

[newrhys]

im insane and a nigel defender for life so heres my theory/take on like minds

i truely think that its likely Alex was the manipulator and nigel was the victim (to a degree).

this is kinda all over the place and just my thoughts so take everything with a grain of salt im just bored

we all agree that Alex is an unreliable narrator, and when it comes to the interrogation, it would but likely that Alex changed the story for a “solid” alibi to seem at least not guilty, which is very common behavior for people, especially younger people who have committed a crime to do.

most of my reasoning for this comes from the fact that he makes sure to include the detail that *somehow* nigel got into his room in the middle of night (assumably) and put a bloody knife and playing card on his desk.

it could be very likely that he had this whole alibi, that he "missed" his date with susan was entirely made up, that he made it seem like nigel was the one who planted the knife for "for fingerprint insurance” making nigel seem like this criminal mastermind to a degree.

that and also the hand that nigel “gifted him” could have also been a cover up for (maybe) that alex could have very likely been the reason why his friend let go of the train, by messing with his hand. idk on this one tho for sure honestly, though i feel like nigel care a lot about anatomy and dissection that it would be out of character for him to sever a hand.

AND that when alex was asked “how he was sure it was his friends” he said that it wouldnt make sense otherwise (or something along those lines) which honestly is kinda strange bc i would rather rationalize that its not my dead friends hand and just some fucked up prank but maybe thats just me.

you can look into real interrogations and its not unusual for people to make up these crazy complex and wild stories to victimize themselves to seem innocent, even when the story is strange or off putting or has holes.

especially because this is a time when the attention is all on them and what better way to ganer sympathy and attention that alex could have possibly lacked in his childhood then now in the interrogation. with someone who alex could have possibly seen as some sort of mother figure, because she listened to him, and embraced him when alex talked about nigel.

“well susans body was “disected” it had to be nigel” it could have also been alex copying in the way of something that nigel would have done to again, make the evidence point at nigel.

now, this theory is a bit spotty and honestly its not great I KNOW its just my thoughts ive had that ive wanted to share, because honestly i dont have a great reason for why nigel would have invited alex over to his house if not for nigel being a little shit, but who knows, that could have also been made up, and alex really was planning on killing nigel, and just happened to show up at that time

but that being said, im also not saying nigel has never killed anyone, i am just saying alex’s series of events is a bit weird, i do think nigel has some issues, but those probably due to the obvious abuse he as suffered as a kid, and his weird interest could be a symptom of that and his curious for dead things, i wouldnt be surprised if he had witnessed death early as a child seems how it was mentioned in the show that it can result in mental illness.

which kinda leads me to my next point, at the end, when alex totally doesnt kill nigel, and nigel kills himself, alex has a sort of smile at the end, that either he was happy nigel died or that he, really *did* kill nigel and he “enjoyed” it.

to add onto this, alex never really cried when he talked about his friends dying, he cried when he talked about how it made *him* feel and how when nigel had wanted him to get “freaky” per say with susan, he was crying in the interigation because it upset *him* and it was something bad that happened to *him*. im not a professional at all and i only know a little bit about mental illnesses but in certain personaility disorders,, its not uncommon for people to have intense feelings when it comes to something that effects themselves, and apathy towards other people.

and at the very end of the show, it shows that alex clearly has a pattern of this behavior, of manipulating people in certain ways. that its not something unusual for him to do, when he asks the teacher if it’s possible to get into someones head, its likely because hes the one who, atleast thinks, he has control of nigel.

anyways thats kinda just my collection of thoughts ive had about this movie for a long time so i thought id throw them out here, do with this as you wish. dont be too mean tho i am dyslexic and not the smartest lmfao. i just like yapping. obviously i dont know everything and i likely got information wrong which like whatever.

anyways im sick and bored and wanted to yap so maybe someone actually read this

[azsazz]

💐 Dad!Az anon!!

Putting your message here so i can add a read more, but like i said earlier i don't have any words 😭😭 this is def one of the best asks ive ever gotten before and i'm so so so glad you love dad az as much as I do!!

ugh, i love and miss the babies so so much. and i love you too because this message made me feel so many things that i'm still blushing from reading this!!

yes, the kiddies will someday be developed as my OC's...i have plans :)))) 💙💙

Hi Kiers! I have returned, alas, and I have come with me and my complete brainrot. (I am crazy) Without further ado, here is everything I have to say about Daddy!Az and the rest of the Legion. Some might be complete brain rot, while the others fall in the middle or are actually (somewhat) legible literary analyses! just so you know, this is really long. i tried adding a read more button but I don't know if that's available for asks? i distinctly remember it being available... but it is what it is😔

One More: 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦 SOME MIGHT SAY FIRST IS THE WORST BUT THIS FIRST ONESHOT TO START US OFF?? NOT THE WORST. FAR FROM IT, ACTUALLY. I don’t know if people say it enough, but I adore how you write smut. I have one emotion: 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦

Family Dynamic: First, I love how your first thought was to go “Oh hell yeah! Daddy!Az! I should make a story about the birthorder of the children!” GOLDEN. your brain has veins with gold flowing through them. COMPLETELY and utterly ASTONISHING how they just come one after the other it’s hilarious?? im reeling😭 AND IRS SO CUTE HOW YOU INCLUDE LIKE LITTLE EXCERPTS OF DOMESTIC LIFE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT’S SO ADORABLE. what gets me most, however, is the last few paragraphs. It’s like, it completely encompasses the reader’s (our) content and it’s so accurate and beautifully worded I can’t help but commend you for it. Plus, Cassian’s immediate “Oh No” gets me everytime😭😭

Keep Me Satisfied: “Going to fuck so many into you, love. A whole litter, I promise.” GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. 🫦 i literally HAVE NO WORDS?? I have no words! I literally have NO words besides the sentence “i HAVE NO WORDS”?? GOT ME FUCKED UP, GOT ME FUCKED OUT, GOT ME FUCKED???? HELLO??? HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THE WAY YOU WRITE SPICE IS LIKE OTHERWORLDLY TYPE OF IMPRESSIVE?

Hush Little Baby: This is like throwing the first ever blanket I had as a baby straight at me. It’s so familiar, and warm, and It makes me nostalgic because I was once a baby too (weren’t we all?), and I had the same wide eyes Azriel observed in his own babe. This oneshot makes me so happy, & I can’t fully articulate it

Here’s To Tradition Kiers give us a goddamn break or a glass of water to wash down the sugar challenge FAILED MISERABLY i look at nyx, giddy, and wren and all i want to do is CRY and HOLD THEM. I CAN’T EVEN LIKE… I DON’t KNOW HOW TO….ARTICUATE…I WANT TO HOLD. they’re like so little:(((( and im :((( i :((

You Too: I love your writing so much. need I say more. if I do then uhh err rhow do I get my thoughts out what if I just sscream in text AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Can’t You See?: IM CRYINGGGG WREN:( he’s such a sweet, sweet boy and when i first started reading this series i was really excited to see how he’d grow up and it’s just. wow. seeing him so happy makes me so happy. your writing makes me so happy “The little boy even tries to show off his own shadows, “Just like my daddy’s!” He sees both Rhys and Cassian watching with their own fond smiles, silently agreeing with every loving word pouring from the little boy's mouth.” PAUSE. I NEED TO CRY

Concord: I really like how you emphasize the bat babies innocence here. Unlike their fathers, from what I remember because I find it truly hard to focus when i read and like to listen to audiobooks as an alternative, the bat babies have a more stable childhood. theyre surrounded by safe environments, and they see that their parents have these funky little markings on parts of their body and they want to have that too. they hear stories of promises and the like and they want that too. they want what the inner circle have and so they try to ensure they get it and it BACKFIRES ON THEM THEYRE SO:( I feel😞 and WRENNIE ASKING IF NYXIE AND GIDDY CAN STAY FOR SUPPER ?!!!!! I CRY.

come back: 😞😞😞i 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞love😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞the😞😞😞😞😞😞familyness😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞icryicryicry😞😞😞😞😞😞

Burning Man: Hi! You wound me with your writing sometimes. The utter devastation I feel whenever you write angst is inexplicable! There is truly nothing like it! I did like the comfort right after though. Dad!Az you are my roman empire😞

Promise: GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I AM GOING TO CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM SORRU ITS JUST SOMETIMES WHENEVER YOU WRITE ABT THE BABIES THEY’RE LIKE SO WONDERFULLY PORTRAYED.. l CRY I CRY I CRY ITS TAKING EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO HOLD BAZ RN

Summer Daze: I love how you give us a little peek into Mama’s relationship with the other women, Nes in particular!! i love Nes and i hold her close to my heart so this little peek made me really happy. Especially at how cute her relationship with Cas is, even if its just brushed over:((( its so cute!!!!!! And Azzy kissing Mama’s belly:( that’s so sweet and tender

Two is Better than one: I. LOVE SCENES LIKE THIS. Where a character is thanking and worshipping the person that’s giving them children, blessing them with new life—an extension of love and care; it’s just so intimate and i treasure it and you write it so well it near kills me to stop reading😭 I really really like that addition:(

Taciturn: Punchign wall.😭☹️☹️😭😞☹️😞☹️☹️😭☹️😞☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 baz they will never make me hate u “How come knoxie doesnt cry like Malos does” HELPPPPPP☹️☹️☹️☹️ “Its okay mommy, i’ll talk for him!” can we get more baz n knox pls. pls. thats truly so sweet.

In the House love built: the way you write smut is so intimate sometimes, and it’s so loving and you encapsulate the bond between mates so well. you’re truly worthy of all the attention you’ve received on this platform

The Calm Beneath The Storm: ☹️ pleaaaase i love how the childrens bonds are so evident and well written too and i just.i just cant properly sayhow much comfort i find in series like this and i cant properly say how much comfort i find in writing like yours ure so good kiers omf

Cuddle Me In: Jax is like living tylenol in a baby im not joking . he fixes ALL my headaches. hes so adorbsicles no one speak to me at all i cry i cry i cry☹️😞☹️😞☹️ punchign. wall

The Rowdy Bunch: Azriel really knows how to man up huh god he’s so fine in rhis one miss kiers u made him sso fine

The HoneyCrisp Grove: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ARE YOU KIDDING ME THATS SO ADORABLE

Winter Wind: I just think it’s REALLY funny that you deliver honeycrisp grove and suddenly i get hit in the face with 💥BOOM ZUZU CRYING SO HARD HER VOICE IS HOARSE 💥BOOM MAMA GETTING STABBED BY A DISTANT RELATIVE 💥BOOM “help me” WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. do u drink your readers TEARS for breakfast (this is my way of saying this story is well written and perfect)

Sticking Together: UGHH THIS IS SO:((( I WOULD LOVE FOR AN EXTENSION ON THIS!! like just seeing the #boys and their journey throughout windhaven would be so sad but also such an exciting read?? I hope we get to see how their bond grew because of it, or how it was maintained:(( i really like this story!!

Snatched: Complete rollercoaster of emotions btw. A bunch of ups and downs and round and rounds and i came out dizzy and dazed and possibly bleeding internally. W Eris I love him in this you portray him so well🙏🙏 And also once again. BAZ AND KNOX. GOD. MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH WITH WARMTH.

No tricks, Just Treats: little knox is so precious to me. like he’s just so sweet. and also i remember you mentioning in the batbabies doc that wren, gideon, and nyx had the same dynamic as rhys, cas, and az so thejr costumes are a pretty good touch:D this is the perfect amount of fluff

In Ribbons:

“Baby, baby,” he begs, raising up as far as he can, voice lined with desperation and hazel eyes wide, “I didn’t mean to–” 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦 HELLO

Unwrapped: “Zuzu and Jax must be on waking you and your mate duty as they’re already climbing up into your bed. Your oldest daughter, ever the determined one, uses all of her strength to pull herself up onto the plush bed, only slipping once.” ZUZU GET BEHIND ME ILL PROTECT YOU 🤺🤺🤺🤺 HUZZAH shes so cute . i love zuzu so much, shes such a sweetie:(( your stories are like huge rollercoasters tbh one moment az is wrapped in ribbons and then the next the kids are fighting over presents and im here for it!! AND ALSO JAX AND AMREN & jax and rhys mention wow. god i love them i love how you put in effort to establish dynamics not only between the family but between the extended family too!?!

Into The New: I LOVE ZUZ SOOSOSOSMUCH:( she triggers fond memories of my own childhood. The way more of her dynamic with the orher members of the inner circle is expanded on in this story is so so sweet. I LOVE scenes where young characters see love blossom between people and KNOW that its love and WANT it but also at the same time i recall seeing an ask where you mentioned if Zuzu ever had a mate she’d think of herself as unworthy which … which is making me connect dots🙏 im trying to connect dots here cuz I SEE THE VISION but im trying to see the TRUE EXTENT OF THE VISION

Here for You: the Zuzu Rules Shirts?? I love Uncle Rhys😭 he’s so real for that tho. toss me one and watch me wear it with pride ??? i love the little things you add into your stories thatninclude the dynamic between characters:(( and also Zuz here being so happy and fulfilled makes ME happy and fulfilled. shes MY BABY.

Between Me & You: “This one’s for all the Jax girlies” ME🙌 JAX IS MY BOY🙏🙏 but also Baz calling Jax “J” is so corny and brother-core!!! (i dunno how else to describe it but i love it) also Bryaxis and Jax⁉️ FRIENDSHIP⁉️🙏 IM ALL FOR IT and i love how we see remnants of Jax’s journey into being able to control his power:((( i hope we get to see more of him (and Knox and baz . i love knox and baz)sometime!

The SafeGuard: IM TELLING YOU IM CONNECTING THE DOTS⁉️🙏 read:. im tripping over protective father azriel and giggling like a complete fool

Warrior Status: I. LOVE. WHEN. YOU. WRITE. SCENES. LIKE. THIS. ITS SO… IRHFJDJD LIKE WHEN YOU GO MORE IN DEPTH INTO THE LORE AND HOW NEW GEN IS HANDLING THE BLOOD RITE AND HOW THEIR PARENTS TRAIN THEM FOR IT IS MAKING ME HRISIDOOD ITS MAKING ME SO HAPPY but also wow. wow um the tension here is real. i always expect a rollercoaster of emotions whenever i read your writing and yet im blown away every time. i love baz, he seems to be capable of more than even he knows, and i hineslty hope theres more content so we cannall see how he’s faring:)

About Last Night:

“If we get caught,” Gideon defends, before adding as an afterthought, eyebrows furrowed, “And she’s not my girlfriend.” LOUDDDD INCORRECT BUZZER❌❌❌❌❌ W W W WRONGGGGG WRONG. EVERYONE KNOWS‼️ i love how giddy is the one who suggests going to autumn primarily to see his girl. it’s very cassian core to me as much as cassian himself disapproves😭 and KNOX’S LITTLE ‘im sorry’ PLEAAASEE THATS SO FUNNY

Torrential: This was actually the first story I read about the batbabies:) I was like, “oh my gosh who is Knox? I didn’t know there was a book out for next gen………… “ i was like genuinely so confuzzled. and this was like a few weeks ago. i didnt even know rhat Knox was an oc but I had, and still have a raging crush on him😞 I truly hope that you take the next gen and turn them into full fledged original characters of yours, i’d love to see them developed to their full extent especially with the teaser i get in this fic. like hello? Knox? River Keeper?? Okay I see you!! THE WAY YOU PORTRAY KNOX HERE UGHHHHHHHHHH HE’S SO LIKE UGHHHHHHHHHH UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH😡😡😡 (positive)

“His lips pull high into a wicked smile. One side curls higher than the other and it’s the first imperfect thing you’ve noticed about him, yet it still makes your breath hitch.” woo that got me. that got me good. you’re excellent

Our Souls Are Stars & Mine Is Forever Yours: kiers your BEAUTIFUL BRAIN is BRAINING again. this is my favorite scoop of content for the batbabies. Maude & Giddy are truly so adorable, and you really did a good job at sparking chemistry between them both. Maude trying to calm Gideon down, Gideon leading Maude to the famous balcony I CRY. I WEEP. HEAD IN HANDS. I WAILLLL I WAIL IN JOY IM SO? YOURE SO GOOD AT WRITING KIERS HOLY FUCK?!?! YOU NEVER FAIL TO IMPRESS ME

to my heart: ouuuuu… okay i see you kiers….i love this oneshot, it’s like really sweet but in a quiet subtle way and i love it when oneshots are like that. Knox’s banter with Malos, knox waiting for a reply… Kiers genuinely bless your heart

Undercover: Jax, Knox, Baz. you will always be the number one’s of my heart. NOW THAT THAT IS DISCLOSED CAN I PLEASE SAY I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE CHARACTERS PINING. LIKE JAX THIS WHOLE ONESHOT IS JUST “grrrrrrrrrrrrr dont you notice me?? 😡😡” and “wait nevermind its not time yet☹️😞☹️” at the last second and hes just so cute in this oneshot but i feel so bad for him (can we get the batbabies dapping eachother up to commemorate the jax and knox interaction in this fic yall!?!)

Jax uses his powers at a party: Heehehehhehehehehehehhehehehe wowwwwwwwwwwww hes like protecting her from afar heheheheh i giggled

Jax finds out Knox’s mating bond has been found out: I LOVE THE CALL BACK TO THIS IN UNDERCOVER. I want to see how the whole family reacts to Knox’s mating bond in the future, hopefully!! It’d definitely be very chaotic, especially if it’s the whole family!!

Bryaxis calls Jax a friend: “There's this boy at my school. His name is Montauk. He always gives me trouble, pushing and shoving me, calling me names…" Jax trails off, his tiny hands clenching into fists, "But I've felt his true emotions, and he's just a sad, scared little boy too."” :((( the “too” at the end im inconsolable. I want to hold each and every one of your next gen characters. pls.

Uncle Cassian’s reaction to finding out Jax wants to be friends with Bryaxis: Cassian is my spirit animal. and i LOVE the way you portray him 😭 he’s so funny i feel like he’d bark if I told him he was my spirit animal

What if Zuzu had gotten her wings clipped at the Steppes? I CRY I CRY I CRY I CRY. UGHHH how you detail Azriel’s devastation and at the same time Zuzu’s acceptance TEARS THROUGH ME. Zuzu is such a strong character and theres nothing to thank for that other than your immaculate writing skills

Zuzu Gets a Cat but it loves Azriel the Most + Wren, Baz, and Zuzu work together to try and convince their parents to get a second cat: I wholeheartedly believe wren, baz, and zuzu were probably nicknamed the triple trouble primarlt because of their tendency to pull shit like this and i LOVE it its so funny. I love your writing sm

I don’t know if you can tell, but I have an actually very secure AND VERY!! NORMAL attachment to this series. And I don’t have anyone to thank but you for writing it and writing it so beautifully; you truly have a gift and I know that it will get you a bunch of amazing opportunities in the future, or even now. I can feel how much work and effort goes into your writing, and the fact that you share it is an honor in itself and I’m so glad to have stumbled across your blog. You are an amazing writer. I look forward to reading more of your writing, not just for Daddy!Az—although I’d love for more of him—but even without him, I’d still love every piece of yours. I honestly hope the next gen characters become characters you take under your wing and develop, I would love to see more of them and they’re such interesting characters already. They’re so cool. You’re really cool too, Kiers!! I hope you don’t mind it took so long to get back to you, I was balancing cleaning my apartment and binging your writing:D I don’t regret anything. Reading your writing feels like a reward after every hard day. I hope to see more of you on my dash, Kiers!!! Keep writing, with your skills and your beautiful mind—it’ll no doubt help you in the long run. You’re really cool:)

xoxo,

-💐 (the one from about a week ago)

[jesterwriting]

when you have a little sister who you’re raising headcanons

pairing: crocodile x reader & mihawk x reader (separate)

contents: reader has a little sister, mature!reader, though it's vague as to how old they are, mentions of past child neglect, slight language

word count: 2k words

note: this is my first time writing for mihawk i hope i was able to do him justice. ive had this idea for a while, it's one of my absolute fav tropes ever.

playlist: slipping through my fingers by abba

Life was hard when you had a younger sister. It was through no fault of your own, and it certainly wasn’t hers either. The blame rested on neglectful parents who left you both on the wayside. You were much older than her, the first of your parents many mistakes. By the time your sister was born, you were well out of the house and stable enough to get legal custody of her. Your parents were more than happy to sign over their parental rights, neither wanting to be weighed down by another child so late in life — not that they paid much attention to you in the first place. For all intents and purposes, you considered your sister the closest thing to a daughter you could get.

She was yours, and you were hers. It was as simple as that.

While you hated your parents, the same resentment that fogged your logical mind was never present when it came to your sister. She was so young; sweet and kind with a heart of gold. There was no reason for you to blame her for the circumstances of her birth. Besides, you loved her far too much to even bother. You remembered her first toddling steps, her first words — you cried laughing when a loud exclamation of ‘FUCK!’ echoed from her mouth. How much she hated the taste of carrots but would never grow tired of them if they were dipped in ranch. You remembered how lonely you were on her first day of Kindergarten, and how proud of her you were when she came home, touting stories of all the new friends she made.

Every year that passed, she grew more and more into the wonderful person you knew she would be. You couldn’t fathom how your parents weren’t bothered enough to be in your life. Raising your sister was the most fulfilling thing you had ever experienced. Everyday was a gift that she granted you in broad smiles and pudgy hands.

Even then, you couldn’t help but mourn the countless experiences you missed out on. Your childhood was not one you looked back fondly on, with nights alone and afraid, sobbing for a mother who would never come. Those empty days when you would stare at the happy families around you, wondering what was so wrong with you that made it so your parents didn’t love you the way others did. The young adulthood that was supposed to set you free was unceremoniously interrupted by a sweet little girl who looked at you with such innocent eyes, you knew you couldn’t let her carry the same scars you did.

Your sister didn’t know what you gave up to raise her, and a part of you hoped she never did. God forbid she ever thought she ruined your life. You would die before you allowed her to carry that burden.

Dating was hard, but thankfully, not impossible. First and foremost, your sister’s opinion on any prospective partner mattered even more than your own. Despite her age, she had a knack for sussing out people’s true intentions in a single glance. You always went into dating expecting the long term. If you were going to invite someone into your sister’s life, it’d be someone who would give her the stability and kindness that she deserved.

It was hard to find someone who was willing to deal with your particular situation. Every first date, the first thing that left your mouth was that you had a child in your life and the expectations that came with that. Many left after this, though you refused to give up. You deserved companionship, there had to be someone out there for you. Finally, you met someone who didn’t balk at the prospect of your sister, and after several months of dating, you decided it was time to introduce the two most important people in your life to each other.

Sir Crocodile

It was winter when you met him. Crocodile was intimidating, so much so, you found yourself nearly shaking in your boots when you first saw him. It was your first, and decidedly your last, blind date. To say you were surprised when you saw the former warlord sitting at your designated table, waiting for you, of all people, would be an understatement. Crocodile was polite, even cordial to you, pulling out your chair for you and allowing you to indulge for the first time in a very long time. Money was tight these days, though you kept that little tidbit of information to yourself. When you questioned why Crocodile was on a blind date of all things, his expression shifted to one of annoyance, your only reply being a low grumble under his breath. You worried you ruined the date with your silly question, only to be pleasantly surprised when he invited you to meet with him again. And again after that. And again after that. Each date topped the last in terms of extravagance. It wasn’t until on a quiet night, sharing each other’s company, that he confessed he liked you more than he should allow himself. With his thumb against your lips, he swore to never let you go. After that declaration, you decided to put Crocodile to the ultimate test. Meeting your sister.

You invited him to spend Christmas with you. Even if the first introduction didn’t go well, Crocodile was too smitten to allow you to leave him that easily. A silly little girl’s opinion of him would not be his downfall. If he failed once, he would try again and again until he got it right. Crocodile fully intended to woo that little girl with toys and gifts, approaching your humble apartment looking like an evil version of Santa Claus. Considering the expensive items he showered you in, you couldn’t say you were surprised at this turn of events, though you couldn’t help but fondly roll your eyes as you approached the door. For once, Crocodile wasn’t accompanied by the scent of cigars, having snuffed his out on the ride over. You told him, under no circumstances, would you have him smoking around your girl. To be honest, Crocodile did not expect this whole charade to end well. He wasn’t good with kids, and really, he didn’t like them all that much anyway. For you, however, he would try.

Crocodile’s insistence on bringing gifts worked in his favor. The second your sister saw him enter the apartment, presents in his arms, she started to vibrate with excitement. “What are those?” She asked, too polite to automatically assume they were for her, even if she was silently hoping that was the case. When Crocodile set the bags down and invited her to help herself with a wave of his arm and a smile that looked more like a grimace, she squealed, diving into the pile with vigor. Your sister was a little ray of sunshine, with the uncanny ability to worm her way into even the coldest of hearts. She spent most of the day hovering around Crocodile, not the slightest bit intimidated by his stature or his harsh expression. Even his former warlord status had no effect on her, considering she didn’t even know what that meant in the grand scheme of things. You smiled as you watched the larger man allow your sister to use him like a human jungle gym. Though he looked displeased, he couldn’t hide that glimmer of fondness in his eyes. Not from you, at least.

Dracule Mihawk

You met Mihawk in the spring. It was a chance encounter at a local winery. For once, you wanted to take some time for yourself and do a little wine tasting, not expecting to meet the most intense pair of golden eyes you had ever seen in your life. You found yourself frozen in place for a moment before he turned back to his wine, casually swirling the glass it was in. Feeling out of your depth, you hesitantly sat next to him and tried to enjoy yourself despite those eyes boring a hole into the side of your head. With a grin that was more than a bit forced, you said your greetings, and much to your surprise, the man struck up conversation. He introduced himself, and your soul nearly left your body when you realized you were interrupting a warlord of the sea’s wine tasting, though you managed to keep your head enough for your own introduction. Mihawk’s company was pleasant. He was quiet, choosing to listen more than speak himself. Whenever he did grace you with his voice, his knowledge of wine was without comparison. Very quickly, you found yourself smitten with his intelligence, your previous nerves being replaced with something a bit more reminiscent of your school years. Before you could work up the courage to ask if you could see him again, Mihawk beat you to the punch. As if he was asking the weather, Mihawk asked for your contact information. Your heart nearly beat out of your chest when you explained the situation with your sister, worried that whatever connection with this mysterious man would dissipate in an instant. Mihawk merely blinked at you. “If that’s all. I have more than enough experience in dealing with the young.”

The months passed slowly, and as summer came to a close, Mihawk told you it was time for him to head home. If you were so inclined, he would be honored if you and your sister cared to join him. You snickered, admitting you wouldn’t be going anywhere until he passed your final test: meeting your little sister. Mihawk accepted graciously — you noticed that competitive glint in his eye, as he was about to treat introducing himself to your sister as seriously as he treated swordplay. Unlike Crocodile, Mihawk did not sully the special occasion with gifts. He wanted your sister to like him for him, buying her affection felt more akin to cheating than anything else. While Mihawk had little experience with children, he couldn’t imagine it being any different than living with Perona and Zoro for two years, so he was going into the situation with a certain amount of confidence.

Your sister was similar to you. Just like with your first meeting, your sister did most of the talking. First, asking why his eyes were that color, then to tell him all about her friends at school, and finally, how he seemed ‘pretty cool’ but he wasn’t as cool as her favorite teacher. Mihawk took all of this in stride, nodding along to her rambling, even going so far as to offer her a small smile when she showed off her art project she was going to show off for show and tell the following day. Your sister had a knack for art, and you loved her creative mind. The whole time she talked to Mihawk, you couldn’t help the fond expression that crept up on your face, nor could you control the full force of your blush when you realized Mihawk was studying you. He liked that look on you. The love you held for your sister was commendable and he respected your dedication to her. In the end, as much as he would love to have the two of you in his home, Mihawk decided that it would be best for the two of you to remain on your island. Your sister seemed very comfortable with her classmates, and there was little he could offer her in terms of companionship at his dreary castle in the middle of nowhere. You agreed, but before you could mourn the loss of yet another relationship, Mihawk made it known that he would visit the two of you as often as he could. (Spoiler: It was very often) During your sister’s summer vacation, the two of you spent those three months in Mihawk’s home, as happy as can be.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

[borgialucrezia]

omg i read blood and beauty and its sequel last week bc it had been on my reading list for months!!!! and is this a safe space where i can just say that it hit the nail on the head for all of the borgias without unnecessarily vilifying one or the other (i mean basically considering how most writers hold some vendetta against juan) and i loved how u could really see lucrezia's growth from her childhood innocence to being forced to mature and grow up AND obsessed w any media that portrays cesare as ferocious and sharp and ruthless and juan finally got his flowers bc they obv showed his flaws but without making him the big bad evil when instead he also started off a kid but ended up being dragged to the bottom of the river by his father's ambitions 😔

i wish the 2nd book had progressed a little further to lucrezia's childbirth bed death so the story could come full circle and sometimes the pov switching was confusing for me but aside from that, the borgias will always be famous to meeeeeeeee and i love a good book that portrays them well!

ive been on the hunt for more borgia-centric books so if u have any recs......... <3

zaynab omg hello!!!!! i was kinda waiting for someone to talk to me about this book because it's my absolute #1 favorite historical fiction book <3

i'm so happy you enjoyed reading it! the way miss dunant brilliantly humanized the borgia family by creating striking and compelling narratives for them was truly *chef's kiss*. it's safe to say that her portrayal of them has even made her my favorite author as well (and made me want to check out her other work, lol). the way she made them so sympathetic is truly admirable to me, which is also a standout aspect of the book as we manage to develop a deep understanding of their motivations and complexities through her nuanced portrayal, you know? i say it could've been done more when it came to lucrezia, as she is truly one of the most compelling figures in history (and my all-time favorite). i'm not criticizing dunant for lucrezia's portrayal!! but it's more like i wished she added more of lucrezia's lore...but alas! other books did her more justice, i must say!

my favorite theme of the book is the immense love the pope has for his children. the way [spoiler] juan was taken too soon from him is profoundly melancholic and it added emotional depth to the story and it highlighted the power of a father's love and the devastating impact of losing a beloved child. also, YEAH, the book felt like a breath of fresh air when it came to juan borgia! he was unfairly demonized with no reliable narrative and mostly used as a prop to hype up cesare at his expense *yawns*… but dunant made him an individual, likable character in the book, countering the unjust treatment he always receives. her portrayal of him allowed us to discover the vulnerability and sensitivity that lie beneath his outwardly arrogant and handsome demeanor. we really can't help but feel deep empathy and pity for him as we read about his inner struggles and emotional depth. he became a truly compelling and sympathetic figure within the borgia family, especially when his death is met with cruelty and brutality. the tragic nature of his demise evokes an even stronger sense of empathy and sorrow in the narrative of juan losing himself and being overwhelmed by the heavy task he was entrusted with…

and cesare, of course, was portrayed as that sulking, bitter, cruel but incredibly intelligent, cunning, and charming guy! lowkey a recurring theme for him, but the flavor in making him extra dark in the slayest way possible made me insane in a very positive way! you should watch "los borgia (2006)" for a delicious portrayal of cesare (and personally, i think it's the most historically accurate).

more books? i'd recommended emma lucas's 'lucrezia borgia' and maria bellonci's 'life and times of lucrezia borgia' - both are biographies btw! their work is a solid read, very unbiased without any manipulation of the letters about/between the siblings to push certain narratives (hello sarah bradford!!), well-researched, sheds light on the family's complex relationships and their rise to power, and is highly sympathetic to all of them. you won't be disappointed!!

for historical fiction, i'd recommend mario puzo's 'the family' ...you will never be disappointed after all it's by the dude who wrote the godfather!

i hope you enjoy them <333 i'll be waiting for your feedback :)

[calebwittebane]

my Nightmare System is extremely efficient sometimes because last night i was being highly insane in an "i miss my abuser" manner and then had a long extensive tedious nightmare about him and how even after he "got better" i didnt enjoy a single second spent around him no matter how hard i tried (because i still genuinely cared about him), and about how much hes hurt me and how he still haunts me while alive, and how either that spectral presence or his actual literal presence and participation (because he always had to butt in and take control of everything in my life) would always end up damaging every relationship and every good thing in my life. he was so mad and confused when i started to refuse to give him any opportunity to personally ruin those things, but hes still here, just not in person. how he haunts me is what makes me largely unable to articulate my feelings (ive been learning though, as you can see), what makes me afraid of others, what makes me shut down and sleep through the time i wanted to be spending with my loved ones, what makes me constantly chase after myself. others warming up to him and becoming a link between him and myself is one of my huge fears.

i dont miss him, i cant think of a single moment i truly was happy around him; the idea i have in my head of being happy around him is a vague and false narrative i used to trick myself into believing to make my previous life seem less cruel and more bearable because at the time there was no escape. it has no reflection in reality and never did. i was never happy around him, not even for a moment. its because of him that i used to believe happiness as an emotion didnt exist.

the aftermath of the worst period of abuse (my entire childhood lol) is much clearer than when it was happening. i can articulate how i felt watching him "get better" and "try so hard" (i believe him, but...) as he still treated me like nothing, like i wasnt a person and just a punching bag and a scapegoat and a meek obedient toy and a vehicle to participate in things and get a thrill out of something. he was never even curious about anything i had to say. and of course i was supposed to ignore everything he used to do before that. of course i was supposed to forgive him, its not like i was innocent, i was such a horrible child after all - so clumsy and inept and rude and such an insufferable smartass - and besides its not even like he ever did anything Really bad, bah. sometimes he would allude to it in this vein and its like he was daring me to name something specific. comfortable in knowing that i wouldnt, and even if i did he could convince me i misremembered. he felt entitled to every single part of me and my life. he took credit for every one of my achievements. and all of the above i was supposed to feel happy about. happy and grateful, because it was all still such an improvement. i dont miss him. i dont miss anything about him. i dont miss the time i spent with him. i miss the world i escaped into at the time

[openheartfanfics]

OHFFs Advent Calendar: Day 29

Starry Nights

Pairing: Bryce Lahela f! MC (Matilde Luna). Rating: T Warnings: Language. Category: Fluff with a tint of angst. Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: New Year’s Eve doesn’t mean anything to her, but Bryce could change that.

It’s cold and snowy. Nothing compared to what New Year’s Eve used to be in my infancy and adolescence - and my college years in California, if I have to be fair. 

Adults gathered around the barbecue. Warm, starry nights. Dogs howling. Crickets and cicadas sounding indistinct in the meadow.

All the while younger cousins are playing hide and seek, and the older ones hide carbide in their pockets, waiting for the perfect time to make it explode with just a beer can and water. Probably when adults are just too drunk or too deep in conversation to notice.

Those were one of the few nights I felt like I truly belonged somewhere. Where I overcame my shyness. Where everyone forgot how different I was - I felt.

Just a regular kid playing hide and seek and laughing and giggling when the carbide explodes. Innocent and astounded.

But those warm, starry nights are long gone. So long gone. 

Left in the past like a pleasant memory. A dream. A hallucination. Like something I can’t believe it happened but it happened. 

But now, even if I know it happened, this night doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s not a motive to change my plans, to negotiate with my colleagues for a free day, to plan a special meal. To make prospects. 

No.

It’s just one simple night. One simple night where I can accompany those who don’t have anyone while I work.

Since I set foot in the United States (and even before that), I’ve dedicated my life to work on Christmas and especially New Year’s Eve. Because the tips were always better, but also because it doesn’t mean anything to me since I was fourteen, so I’ve never missed anything, any celebrations, any family gatherings.

Over the last few years, the motive has changed. It has also been because I wanna be for those who don’t have anyone to spend the night with. Those who don’t have anyone to celebrate it with. Those whose family is too far away, too busy to come here. Or too poor to even afford a ticket to Boston.

Restaurants, bars, parties… Lonely people are everywhere, even in the most crowded places.  But hospitals always harbor this different kind of sadness, of loneliness, of despair, and restlessness. It’s paradoxical. It’s the place where everything begins and ends. Of birth and death. Joy and sorrow. But despair always prevails here. Hospitals are not happy places. Much less to spend the holidays for those who are sick. The kind of loneliness here is helpless.

That’s why it wasn’t too hard to tell Bryce and my roommates I wouldn’t join them for their New Year’s Eve celebration. 

Bryce tried to convince me to join him dozens of times. 

Of course, the fact that it was the first New Year’s Eve I had a “partner” and friends to celebrate it with should’ve changed my mind (for a moment I thought about agreeing), but then it simply wasn’t enough. The hospital was my place now.

Edenbrook was quiet before midnight. Some domestic and car accidents, but nothing major.

As I wasn’t required in the ER, I headed to Mrs. M’s room to watch the TV celebrations with her. She had spent Christmas with her family at the hospital but for NYE they had traveled south to spend the night with the rest of the family.

She told me about her favorite memories of NYE while I’m sitting at the edge of her bed. The happiest memory from her childhood. The first time she spent it with her husband. The last one. Her eyes sparkled when she mentioned her late husband.

But then, two minutes before midnight, Mrs. M. got up and announced: “ Bessie is taking too long, I’m gonna check on her.”

And she left the room with her IV wheeling alongside her. Bessie is a patient a couple of doors from there that was supposed to come to Mrs. M’s room for the countdown.

Shrugging, I stood up and sauntered to the window. I couldn’t help but absentmindedly stare as the snow fell like golden cottons over the illuminated streets.

Outside it’s chilly. Cold. Like a stereotypical Christmas movie. Like those movies I would watch on broadcast television when I was a kid (normally Home Alone or The Grinch) and that seemed too surreal in my warm, starry holidays. Now it’s my reality.

I didn’t even hear when the door opened and closed behind me. Too lost in the dark sky, the golden sparkles adorning the horizon. In the memories. In the suppressed memories and feelings about this time of the year. 

All I could hear was the television buzzing up in the corner. Someone was shouting the countdown. 

“40…39…38…”

Then, a soft caress took me by the waist. I turned around, startled. Amber eyes met me.

I wasn’t even in the open air, but I froze from head to toes all at once. 

Is this a dream? Wistful thinking? Or is it really happening?

The soft warm caress traveled up to my cheek. His knuckles tracing improvised lines over my skin.

My legs wobbled like jelly. My heart melted like chocolate. My stomach felt like I was in a free fall. 

“You didn’t believe I’d leave you here all by yourself, did you?”

Fuck, this is real.

Bryce was standing in front of me, with his blue parka and white scarf around his neck accentuating the tone of his warm skin. I could feel the coldness emanating from his clothes.

“Bryce… What are you doing here?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

He cupped his surprisingly warm hands on my cheeks and stared at me so fucking sweetly and serenely it made me numb.

“I…”

“25…24…23…" 

He smiled. Tenderly and dazzlingly at the same time. 

“I am where I should be. Right in front of you.”

Everything faded around me.

The hospital, the coldness, the despair. The loneliness that always wandered with me. That attacks this time of the year. 

It’s just him and his eyes. His amber eyes, his warm embrace, his gentle touch, his earnest look.

Him. Just him since that warm night of August. 

The ruin of me. The end and beginning of me. 

"9… 8… 7…" 

New Year’s Eve has never felt like this.

Never.

Never this warm. Not even on the warmest of nights back in Santa Rosa. 

Never this sweet. Not even with my mama’s dulce de leche cake.

Never this happy. Not even with me winning hide and seek.

“You’re stuck with me, Luna, I told ya.”

"3… 2…1…" 

I can’t explain how, but suddenly I stood on my tiptoes, and put my arms around his neck, pulling him against me. My lips and his lips crashed. There’s need but also tenderness. Sweet desperation. There are feelings that you can’t simply put into words. Feelings that burn in your heart so deeply, that the only thing that is left, it’s the touch. A kiss. An embrace. Sometimes sex. But right there, at that moment, there’s urgency for a kiss. Touch the origin of the healing words that stay with me in the hardest of times, touch the lips that turn me into a complete mess wherever they caress me. Touch the lips that never have failed to transmit love, in any form.

Then he hooked his arms around my waist and lifted me up.

I’m fleeting.

Why would I like to fly, when right here, right at this moment, that kiss is sending me to paradise? When I’m submerged in his love?

It was ethereal.

It’s so tangible yet so unexplainable. Like all the things he makes me feel. I could feel them inside me, but I didn’t know where they come from, how they form, how they exist inside of me after so many years of living on autopilot.

I thought the supreme feeling I could ever feel at New Year’s Eve was winning hide and seek, or feeling my mama’s embrace the moment the clock marked midnight.

But… sorry mama. Nothing could compare to this. Even if I miss you so. Even if I yearn for your embrace every day and every night, nothing can compare to this kiss, to this embrace, to this love.

No one could make me feel this way but him. Like I’m back on those warm, starry nights from many years ago.  But it’s only him, not people from my past. Only him, the stars, the moon. Me. Us. 

Maybe cicadas and crickets.

After a long, tender, paused kiss, I can finally put into words what I couldn’t earlier. 

“I love you,” I whisper. 

There’s no hesitation, shyness; like I used to feel when I said the words.

This is strong like the ground we’re standing and open like the meadow surrounding us on this warm, starry night.

“And I love you, Mat.”

Now I’m realizing I always feel like warm, starry nights when I’m around him. My comfort zone. 

Am I his comfort zone too?

Just as the thought popped into my mind, he rest his chin over my head and sighed, “Yes, this is exactly where I needed to be.”

I think I am.

[imagineyourworld-old]

Timing

Poe Dameron x Genderneutral!Reader 

Summary: You are in love with your best friend Poe, your best friend Poe is in love with you. Is there a chance for you love even though you realize it at different times?

Warnings: Angst, might differ from canon (is there even a canon for what happened after ROS?) 

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It retrospect you should have known it was a bad idea. You knew Poe like the back of your hand, you should have anticipated his reaction. But he was leaving for a dangerous mission to Jakku the next day and you couldn’t bare the thought of never telling him how you felt. So you gathered all your courage and did it.  “Poe?”, you started.  The pilot, who was laying on his bed next to you, turned his eyes away from his datapad to face you.  “What is it, honey?”  The way he looked at you made your heartbeat quicken and your hands clammy. Even though he was tired, had dark rings under his eyes and his hair hadn’t seen a brush in weeks, he was the most handsome man you had seen in your life. Part of you knew that he had no reason to return your feelings, he could have anyone he wanted and more often than not invited various people to his room after a night of celebration while you prefered to stay in your quarters altogether. “I love you.”  The words rolled off your tongue as if you’d said them a thousand times before. You and Poe had never shied away from showing or voicing your affection for the other, not when you were kids on Yavin IV, not in the academy and not when you joined the resistance. But this time you tried your best to convey the word’s true meaning, to make him realize what you yourself had realized years ago, that there was no one else for you, that Poe was not your best friend, he was your soulmate, the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.  The man in question let go of his datapad to capture your hands in his. Gently he stroked your knuckles before pressing a soft kiss to them.  “I love you too.”  The way he said it made it obvious to you what he meant. You’re my best friend and I love you. Not You’re the one I have fallen for and I love you.  You shook your head. When you thought back to that day this was the moment you wanted to erase, the one you wished had never happened.  “No, Poe. I am in love with you.”  If he noticed the tremble in your voice he didn’t comment on it. Instead, fast as lightning, Poe sat up straight and looked at you, really looked at you.  “What?”  By now you knew that you had screwed up, but his reaction told you that he had understood you perfectly. It was disbelief that made him ask that question and you had no other choice than to repeat yourself.  “I am in love with you, Poe.”  His eyes darkened. You were looking for anger in them, maybe frustration, but all you found was fear and... regret?  “How can you say that? You’re my best friend, how can you say that you’re in love with me?”  You opened your mouth and closed it again. Poe knew, he had to know, that at least half of the Resistance had a crush on him, so why did it come as a surprise that the same went for his best friend, the one he spent more time with than anyone else?  “I... I just needed to tell you before tomorrow. You know how dangerous this mission is going to be and if anything were to happen I want to to know how loved you are.”  Finally Poe let go of your hands. He ran a hand through his dark curls, again and again. It was a nervous habit he had picked up from his father when he was a kid and usually you found it endearing, but today it only made you feel worse.  “Just forget it. Please. Let’s just watch a holovid or something and forget I ever said anything”, you begged. Tears were shining in your eyes and when the first rolled down Poe, his fingers gentle as ever, brushed it away.  “I think I’d rather go over the mission plan again”, he smiled at you and anyone who wasn’t his best friend might have found that smile convincing, but you knew better. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, alright?”  You didn’t know what to say, so you just nodded. Of course you would see him off before his big mission, you always did. Just as you always spend the evening before the mission together, usually sleeping in the same bed, holding each other close in case... just in case. It had been things like that that had made you think that there was a chance that Poe felt the same way. The secret smiles he sent you, the small touches whenever you were within reach, the way he made it obvious to you that you came first, sometimes even before the Resistance.  Without another word Poe hurried out of your room. It wasn’t until the door closed behind him and you heard a soft beep that you realized he had been in such a hurry to get away from you that he had forgotten to take BB8 with him.  “You wanna go after him?”  Tears were now flowing from your eyes and there was a hiccup in your voice, which was surely the reason the droid decided to keep you company for a little while longer. 

-------

The next day Poe had already left when you arrived at the hanger, even though you were earlier than the agreed upon time.  When he returned you ran up to him. You had thought he was dead and even if he didn’t return your feelings, he was still your best friend. At least that’s what you thought.  You tried your best to hate Finn, but you just couldn’t. Yes, Poe had pretty much chosen him as his new best friend, but he was just so nice and kind and considerate, you couldn’t hate him. Besides, it was not Finn’s fault that you had been replaced. The first couple of month you blamed yourself., You shouldn’t have told Poe that you loved him, if you hadn’t nothing would have changed. Then you blamed Poe. You had never demanded that he loved you back, but you had been friends since before you could talk, how could he just throw all those years away? How could he refuse even your most innocent, most desperate, attempts at conversation?  No matter how mad you were at Poe, your love for him was unchanged. You saw him every day and he was as kind and brave and funny and handsome as ever, all the reasons you had fallen for him in the first place were still there.  Of course you were glad when the war ended and the First Order was defeated for all the right reasons, but part of you was glad you could leave the Resistance. They no longer needed you now that it was time to rebuild instead of fight.  If all your hope of Poe ever loving you hadn’t died long ago it might have rekindled when you said goodbye.  For the first time in forever he took time to actually talk to you. And though his hug seemed as warm and sincere as ever, you couldn’t believe his words.  “I’m sad to see you go, but I’ll visit soon.”  Of course you nodded, of course you hugged him back, but part of you know just how hollow his words really were. They had to be. 

-------

Poe felt bad for how long it had been since he last visited his father. Though Kes never complained, Poe knew the old man missed his son and wanted to see him more often. But there was just so much to do, so whenever he did visit it was usually spontaneous and never for more than a couple of hours.  He opened the front door, not bothering to knock. This was his home after all, even if he rarely ever visited.  The smells that greeted Poe were familiar; his mum’s favourite flowers that his dad always kept someone in the house, a freshly brewed cup of tea and something that smelled like a distant childhood memory.  Even though it should have been impossible, the sound he heard as soon as he stepped through the door was even more familiar. It send sparks flying through his body and made a grin spread on his face. Quickly he put a finger to his lips to tell BB8 next to him to be quiet.  It had been so long since he last heard your laughter. Sometimes at night he heard it in his dreams, saw your face along with his mum’s. The two women he loved more than anything, the two women he lost. Shara’s death hadn’t been his fault, but not a day went by that Poe didn’t blame himself for letting you go.  He had been too focused on the war, on saving people and making a better future to realize that the reason he fought, the person he wanted to spend his��future with had been right beside him all along. He didn’t know why he hadn’t realized it when you told him that you loved him, why it had taken not having you in his life to come to the realization that he wanted you in his life, more than anything. And perhaps this was his chance.  He tried to be as quiet as possible on his way to the living room, but as soon as he entered both you and Kes turned around.  His father was the first to get up and envelop Poe in a hug.  “What a surprise. How are you? You must be hungry, can I get you anything?”  Poe declined the offer. Even if he had been hungry, his nerves wouldn’t have allowed him to swallow a single bite. He felt bad for basically ignoring his father, but how could he not when you were standing right there?  “(Y/N), it’s... You look...”  Beautiful wasn’t enough to describe you. Even covered in grease and sweat with only a couple hours of sleep you had been pretty, but now you had no circles under your eyes, your hair was shiny and looked just so soft and there was an aura around you that could only be described as peace and happiness. And though Poe was glad you seemed happy, it did sting a bit that you were so happy without him.  “It’s been a while”, you smiled. If Poe hadn’t been in love with you before that smile would have made him fall for you. In retrospect he had no idea how he had gone most of his life without being in love with you.  “I’ll let the two of you catch up. I should get to the kitchen anyway, Oscar should be here soon”, Kes declared and with an affectionate pad on his son’s shoulder he left the room.  Poe was so busy staring at you that it took him a while to process his dad’s words.  “Who is Oscar?”  The soft smile on your face grew bigger than Poe had ever seen it and a spark took hold of your eyes. He couldn’t categorize that expression, but he knew that he wanted to see it every day for the rest of his life.  He only realized that he had gotten closer to you when he suddenly felt your body heat. He hadn’t meant to, but something about you pulled him in like a magnet. He reached out a hand to push a strand of hair behind your ear, but the second he heard your word’s the hand fell.  “My husband.”  “Your... your... you’re married?”  Thoughts were chasing in Poe’s head. How could he not have known that you were married? How could you marry someone else when he was so in love with you?  Instead of an answer you simply raised your hand. There was a ring where, in his dreams, Poe had seen his mother’s ring countless times. It was fairly simple, and yet it seemed expensive. More expensive than anything Poe could ever have given you. “Why didn’t you tell me?”, he finally asked after moments of silence.  You shrugged, a gesture that was so achingly familiar that it took Poe’s breath away.  “We weren’t really talking anymore.”  Of course you were right. Ever since you left the Resistance the two of you hadn’t spoken. Poe knew it was selfish of him to expect that you should have told him, should have invited him so he could have stopped the love of his life from marrying someone else.  “Oh...”, was all he was able to say.  He should have know that you wouldn’t be in love with him forever, but it hurt even more learning that you were married the day he had planned on telling you that he was in love with you. It had taken Finn and Rey months of trying to convince him to just tell you, after all you lived on Yavin IV, so it’s not like he had to see you every day if you didn’t return his feelings, he could have just left and tried to move on. Maybe, he thought, that was the very reason you had moved on, because you never saw Poe anymore. If only he had visited you as well as his dad, if only he had begged you to stay when you decided to leave, if only he had realized how he felt when you confessed your love.  “Your dad invited us to dinner, so you’ll meet Oscar when he arrives in half an hour. He’s still at work right now, but-”  “I can’t stay”, Poe cut you off. It hurt knowing that you were married and seeing your love for your husband in your eyes, but Poe knew that seeing the two of you together would break him.  “Another time then”, you said with a soft smile. A smile Poe just wanted to kiss off your lips but never could.  When you hugged him goodbye he breathed in your familiar smell, but underneath that there was a slight hint of a cologne that must be your husband’s. In a single second memories rushed through Poe’s brain.  You wearing his shirt and laughing.  You falling asleep in his arms.  You hugging Shara and Kes before the two of you left for the academy.  And the image that haunted his dreams of you with a baby in your arm, BB8 at your feet and Shara’s ring on your finger.  Poe didn’t know how you had managed to survive after he had rejected you because he felt like he was drowning.  He barely heard his father’s soft “I’m so sorry, son” or your “We’ll need to catch up soon”.  It wasn’t until he was in hyperspace that tears starting rolling down his cheeks and neither the stars flying by nor BB8′s comforting beeps could make him feel better.  At least you were happy, that was the only thought that brought him any comfort. 

-------

Once again I should just finish my other stories before writing a new one, but this idea was just begging to be written. 

I might write a second part, if anyone would want to read it, though I’m not sure yet. 

Also please excuse that I couldn’t come up with a better name for the husband, but I guess the reader just has a type. 

[rosieroxy117]

All seven dorms x Fem!Reader | The beginning...

This is a series that will be divided into different parts because of how long it is, and because it will be based of what happens in Twisted Wonderland. (Events not included)

But I will not be making chapters about chapter 6 and 7 until they are released, so I know what happens for the overblots :>

I’ll be adding my OC’s, I will most probably make art of them and add the pictures of them in the story as it progresses.

I'll also be adding in my AU where there are a few female students in NRC that arrive the same year as Yuu and there is two dorm leaders of each dorm. One female, one male.

I originally posted this on Wattpad because of a request but it was more like an OC x All seven dorms. So I decided to upload the reader insert on tumblr.

But I will keep that part that stipulates that

(Y/n) is very tall- taller then Malleaus even-

I don’t think there is anything more to say so have fun reading!~

_______________________________

(Y/n) sighed dreamily as she stared at her screen filled with the twisted wonderland cast.

"Oh how I wish you's were real... Or how magic actually existed! That would be so cool!" (Y/n) giggled as her (h/c) hair shimmered in the light.

(Y/n)’s eyes suddenly became droopy as a sudden drowsiness overcome her.

'Why am I....... Feeling tired all of a sudden....' Were her last thoughts before falling unconscious.

Welcome (Y/n) (L/n)..

To the villains world....

(Y/n) opened her eyes slowly, hearing nothing but static, feeling pain in her head as well.

She slowly blinked noticing how the atmosphere had changed.

'Where am I?' (Y/n) thought as she looked around, she was in a hall, somewhere that looked oddly familiar.

To her side was a big brown door, the door was probably twice the size of herself.

'I wonder if I'll be able to find anyone in there- wait...' (Y/n) thought as she furrowed her brows.

'Is this some sort of isekai!?- COOL! IVEALWAYSWANTEDTOBEINONE!' She thought as she stood up from the ground with stars in her eyes.

'Wait- back on to the subject at hand... I don't actually know where I am...' She sweat dropped as she looked around.

She shrugged then decided to open the big ass door.

A few heads turned her way as she took in the appearance of the new room.

There was a fountain right in the back with people behind it. And there was a large mirror above the fountain.

There were also a bunch of chairs before the fountain, a vast majority of cloaked humanoid figures sat on them.

But what caught her attention the most was a male in a school uniform and a familiar raccoon cat like monster in the center of the room.

"(Y/n)?" The male asked dumbfoundedly as he let go of the cat.

"Yuu? What are you doing here?" (Y/n) asked but then finally processed the whole situation.

The mirror...

The cloaks...

The raccoon cat like monster....

This was Twisted Wonderland, and she had seemed to be in it along with one of her childhood friends Yuu.

Her eyes then glistened as she then ran towards Yuu.

"O MY GOSH THIS IS SO COOL!" She jumped up and down with a happy grin.

Her hoodie had fallen down because of her jumping revealing her (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair.

"Wait.. Do you know where we are?" Yuu asked hopefully.

"Yeah! It's that game I was talking about long ago!" (Y/n) huffed as she stopped jumping up and down.

"Fngaaah, this girl is so tal- WAIT HOW IS THERE A GIRL HERE!?" Grims jaw dropped.

"MAGIK!" (Y/n) cheered with jazz hands while Yuu sweat dropped.

"Sorry to ruin this little reunion you's seem to be having... Can we get along with the ceremony?.." The headmaster asked as he eyed them suspiciously.

"Um... I don't even know what we are supposed to be doing..." Yuu said while rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"Youstandinfrontofthemirrorandthenit'llaskyouforyournameandyoutellityournameIt'sprettysimpleyaknow." (Y/n) said making Yuu confused.

"wha?- I want to go home, I have an important match tomorrow...” Yuu said.

"Huh.... You do.... Oh well!~" (Y/n) cheered.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN OH WELL!?" Yuu shouted back making (Y/n) giggle.

"We are in a world of magiiiiiic~~~~ So that means this place is so much cooler then our world!" (Y/n) whispered with stars in her eyes.

"Nope, I'm going home." Yuu said as he held his kendo stick(sword?) beginning to walk out.

Grim then used his flames to creat a scene so all eyes were on him, which was quite successful as Yuu stopped moving to turn around.

"Then I could take his place!" Grim cheered. The students began to whisper and laugh at Grim.

"What do you think your doing!?" Crowley shouted.

"Unlike that dumb human, I can actually use magic! So let me in the school instead!" Grim grinned.

"Dumb!?" Yuu growled angrily at Grim who waved him off.

"I can show more proof that I'm very capable at magic as well!" Grim said as he began to use more of his flames to ignite the room.

The students were all yelling from how their cloaks were burning or how the fire hurt.

"What the!" Yuu shouted as he watched Grim use his flames.

While (Y/n) was just watching in innocent delight.

From what (Y/n) knew, Riddle was supposed to come over and stop Grim. Just a few seconds after she thought of that Riddle stood up and began walking towards the cat.

(Y/n) just watched in awe as he made his way over to the cat, glared at Grim as he shot fire at Riddle.

Unexpectedly, Yuu ran over to Riddle and tackled him to the ground.

(Y/n) snorted before starting to laugh at Yuu, making him look back at (Y/n) with a dumbfounded look.

Yuu just shook his head then looked back at Riddle.

"Are you okay?" Yuu asked as Riddle just blinked a few times before turning angry.

"JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOUR TALKING TO!?" Riddle shouted before pushing Yuu off of him.

Riddle then stood up but just stared in slight surprise as the cat was now eating tuna.

(Y/n) giggled as she was crouched beside Grim while petting him.

Yuu got up and just stared at her with an angry look.

"You could've done that long ago!" Yuu shouted as (Y/n) just looked up at the with a blank face.

"But that would've been boring... Plus I knew you were going to tackle Riddle so I didn't do anything." (Y/n) giggled.

"WAIT SO YOU KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!?" Riddle asked furiously as (Y/n) stood up and dusted her cloak off.

"Ye- oh my gosh your shorter then I imagined." (Y/n) said as she stared down at Riddle who just stared up at her with a red face. (From anger)

"Awe! So cute! Your always so angry but your still cute!" (Y/n)’s eyes glistened.

Riddle blushed (but it wasn't noticeable).

"I AM NOT CUT- WAIT! Who's that cat!? Because Laws of the Queen of Hearts : number-"

"Number 23 'One shall never bring a cat into festivals'." (Y/n) cut Riddle off with a mocking tone.

Everyone just stared at her with a dumbfounded expression.

"Your such a weirdo- how do you even know that?" Yuu asked.

"Who do you think I am! Even a idiot would know that rule-" (Y/n) gasped dramatically.

Riddle scoffed as they continued to bicker, he made his way towards Grim who was now sleeping and pulled his pen out.

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!-"

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!" (Y/n) and Riddle said at the same time, a collar appeared around Grims neck as everyone stared at (Y/n) with a weird look.

"Don't even ask! I know everything and anything!- well not really but I do at the same time!" (Y/n) cheered as Yuu sweat dropped.

"Wha-" "Can you at least not say what I'm going to say every single minute?.." Riddle squinted his eyes at (Y/n).

Riddle then walked towards Yuu and pointed his pen at Yuu.

"And you! The audacity of the likes of you to insult me! That is the same as insulting the Queen of Hearts herself! I shall have your head if you ever were to insult me again!" Riddle glared at Yuu making him gulp.

"Understood?.." Riddle said, Yuu nodded frantically.

Riddle then walked back to his spot by the Dorm leaders while Yuu slowly made his way behind (Y/n).

"Why didn't you get in trouble?" Yuu sulked.

"Because I'm just cool that way." (Y/n) stated proudly.....

"Sir, you mentioned before that you had no magic. But does your fiend have magic?.." Crowley asked.

"Nope, at least I don't think I have em. Unless this is a isekai and i now have powers- that would be so cool!" (Y/n) gleamed as Crowley sweat dropped.

"Then I'm afraid the both of you will be sent back home. Come to the mirror and picture your homes." Crowley said as the two of them walked towards the mirror.

(Y/n) walked confidently since she already knew that they wouldn't be able to return.

They stopped in front of the mirror and pictured their home......

"O mirror of darkness... Guide these ones back to where they belong!" Crowley said.

.

.

"Hmmm... Nothing happened." (Y/n) said.

"Because it is nowhere to be found young one." The mirror replied.

"Huh?" Crowley asked dumbfoundedly.

"That can't be true! We were both picturing it!- why isn't it working (Y/n)!?" Yuu asked in disbelief.

"Erm, no one actually knows at the moment." Yuri said nonchalantly.

"And where exactly are you two from?..." Crowley asked inquisitively.

"From Japan!" The both of them said.

"Japan? Ive never heard of a place such as Japan... I am of course well aware that come from every corners of this world. You two aren't lying are you two?" Crowley asked.

"If no one knows about Japan then we'll go back by oursel-"

"It's helpless... We can't return." (Y/n) said, Yuu froze in place when he heard (Y/n) say that.

"What do you mean!?" Yuu asked with wide eyes.

"Well- it's not that we can't actually leave it's just that I don't know how to leave yet. Hell we could be stuck here forever because of that." (Y/n) said.

"Why you seem a little happy about that don't you.." Crowley said.

"It's because where we are from it's quite boring. Although I'm going to miss my figurines and games.." (Y/n) cried.

(Y/n) sighed then looked to the side to see that Yuu had left.

"Wait- where is Yuu?.." (Y/n) asked with a dumbfounded look, she then looked back at the big ass doors to see them slightly open.

(Y/n) began rushing towards where she had thought Yuu would've gone to. She didn't have to go too far as he had came back.

"Did you find your way home?." Crowley asked as he walked over.

"No..." Yuu said as he dropped his sword (His kendo stick, thing-)

"Have you tried contacting a friend?" Yuus eyes lit up at that and he hurriedly tried to call someone.

"I have no signal..." Yuu grumbled.

"Have we truly transported worlds?..." Yuu said as he looked down.

"Yea, duhhh. That's what I've been TRYING to tell you this whole time!" (Y/n) said.

"But your a bit too calm.." Crowley said inquisitively.

"It's because I know what's happening, I know what's going to happen as well." (Y/n) said.

"Are you telling the truth?.." Crowley asked.

"Yeah, just can't tell you what does happen because that would cause the butterfly effect." (Y/n) cheered.

Crowley nodded then put his hand up to his chin in thought.

"There is a vacant building that was once used for a dormitory! I could lend it to the two of you if you two want!" Crowley said.

"Oh how gracious I am!" Crowley laughed.

"It's the best place we have for the moment Yuu. Gonna have to say yes." (Y/n) said.

Yuu only nodded with a sigh.

.

"Honestly! How did the opening ceremony end up like that!" Riddle said as he walked with Cater and Trey on his sides.

"Now now, everything was settled in the right?" Trey answered.

"Well it could've been settled if that girl had done something sooner as well!" Riddle huffed making Trey chuckle.

"She was pretty cute yeah? She looked really nice too!" Cater cheered with a grin.

"We should hurry! All the first years are at the welcome party!" Cater said again.

"Thank you, but is everything ready? Is the venue prepared according the Queens of Hearts rules? Are the roses painted sequently in red and white?" Riddle asked.

"Natura-" Cater had been cut off by a student hopping towards their way, they wore a very large top hat while gold fluffy bunny ears sticked out of it.

They just eye the figure for a little while as they passed them seemingly going the same way as them.

"Okaaaay.... As I was saying! Everything is ready!" Cater said with a raised brow.

"Very well, let us head to the dorm. If any trouble occurs, you'll be losing your heads as well. Got it?" Riddle said.

"Yes prefect!" Cater and Trey said in unison.....

"What a charming.... building?..." Yuu said as he stared at the rundown building.

"It is isn't!" Crowley said, the three then entered the building.

"Could use a little lady's touch..." (Y/n) sweat dropped as she looked around at all the old paintings, spiderwebs, and broken furniture in the hall....

Don’t worry- there will be more parts sooner or later ;))))))

PEACE OUT!-

[seanfalco]

Want | Priest!Kay x Reader { Part IV }

Word Count: 2.7k Warnings: Smut, Thigh riding, Oral (m!receiving), Catholic imagery, Priest kink, Infidelity

masterlist

Barely able to wait for your midweek ‘lesson’ to see Kay again, the events of the past Sunday when he’d shown up on your doorstep were stuck on replay in your mind and all you could think about was that kiss and the fire behind it that threatened to carry you away if you thought about it for too long even now.

You’d decided to use your scheduled lesson time as the perfect excuse to meet to talk over where you were going to go from there. Right now all either of you knew was that you didn’t want to be apart any longer, your long buried feelings no longer buried and no longer able to be ignored. But it would seem that that was the easy part.

As much as you wanted to just pick up and run away with Kay, you knew realistically that wasn’t really an option. He’d need to formally resign from the church and you needed to break off your engagement. However, the thought of approaching your parents and Matthew’s with this decision frankly scared the shit out of you.

You knew they’d want to know why, they’d want a reason. And though you had one, you knew they’d never accept it. How could you tell them you were still in love with your childhood sweetheart… who now happened to be your priest? It would look awfully suspicious, and you knew how people would talk — you’d be labelled a cheating whore who’d tempted and seduced a member of the church and Kay’s reputation would be dragged through the mud, and that was the last thing you wanted.

When you got to his office door and found it locked a worried frown creased your brow as you knocked hesitantly. Moments later, however, the door swung upon to admit you, Kay’s eyes roaming over you like a man possessed, as if only your presence could bring him peace, and almost as soon as you’d stepped inside, the door closing behind you, his mouth was on yours.

You felt your back connect with the heavy door, forcing the air from your lungs, but you kissed Kay with a fervor to match his, your tongue moving against his eagerly as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

“I missed you,” you gasped, fighting back a needy moan as his tongue explored your mouth in return, bolder than before.

“I missed you too, [y/n],” Kay murmured against your lips. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I almost began to believe I’d only dreamed it,” he admitted with a rueful laugh.

“It definitely wasn’t a dream,” you assured him.

“We should probably… sit down and… talk,” Kay suggested between each meeting of your lips, his body still pinning you to the door.

“Yeah, sit down…” you agreed distractedly, though you made no move to do so, but as Kay stepped back, he pulled you with him and you were only too happy to continue kissing him, chasing his retreating lips as he finally collapsed back heavily in his chair, pulling you into his lap.

“That’s not exactly what I had in mind…” he murmured as you settled atop him, straddling his hips, but when you tried to climb down he tightened his hold on you, keeping you in place.

“Where d’you think you’re going?” he asked, pulling back to catch your eye.

“I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable,” you replied, your stomach fluttering at how close you were and Kay shifted beneath you, the brief pressure against your cunt driving you mad.

“You’re not,” he assured you, though the uncertain expression he wore made you doubtful.

“Are you su—?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” he said abruptly, stealing a kiss, his lips lingering against yours and you melted all over again.

“You’re getting bolder,” you pointed out breathlessly as Kay pulled back, his hands resting gently on your hips.

“I’ve been holding back since the moment you come back into my life. I’m tired of holding back from what I want,” he replied firmly, his eyes roaming your flushed face as if he wanted to commit it to memory.

“What do you want?” you asked, your voice the barest whisper as you ran your thumb across his bottom lip, dragging it down as you wet your own swollen lips.

“You,” Kay breathed and you gasped as he kissed your neck, pressing his lips against your fevered skin lightly at first, almost just a teasing caress before growing firmer, his tongue peeking out to lave against you.

“Oh, Kay,” you whimpered, heat flushing your body as arousal pooled between your thighs, no doubt soaking your panties. “If you keep that up you’re gunna drive me crazy,” you gasped, your chest heaving against his and you rolled your hips, grinding against the growing bulge in his dark trousers, hoping for just a little relief from the unbearable ache that clutched you.

“Jesus Christ,” Kay breathed, the words leaving him unbidden and his face blanched momentarily.

“I’m pretty sure taking the Lord’s name in vain is the least of your worries right now, Father,” you pointed out, grinding against him again and suddenly his grip on your hips tightened, holding you in place and for a moment you thought you’d gone too far.

“I’ll come in my pants if you don’t stop,” he gasped, his voice going hoarse.

Meeting his gaze you took in his tense expression —his parted lips, heaving chest, and dilated pupils— recognizing the want simmering just behind his eyes thought he seemed afraid to give into it.

“We wouldn’t want that,” you drawled and Kay let out a long breath, though he never took his eyes from you, a stray curl falling over his brow.

Swallowing, a grin tugging at the corner of your lips, you carefully readjusted yourself so you were straddling only one of his thighs instead of his hips.

“What do you want?” he asked breathlessly, repeating your own question back to you and you grinned.

“I want—” before you could answer, Kay’s leg jerked up beneath you and a strangled moan bubbled from your lips. Squeezing your eyes shut you pressed your forehead to his as his arm tightened around your back while his other hand found yours, threading his fingers with yours.

“Is this okay?” you breathed, not daring to move until he said.

“Yes,” Kay whispered, and with a whine you hesitantly ground onto his thigh, pressing your aching cunt harder against him.

“Please,” he urged and you began to move, finding a rhythm as you chased your pleasure, using his leg to get off, the friction rubbing you nearly raw, but you didn’t care, his breath in your ear urging you on until without warning the coil of pleasure in your gut released, your body tensing as you writhed against him several more times, a silent scream tearing from you that you muffled further with his shoulder, breathing in the smell of him as you gave one last shuddering movement.

For a long moment, neither of you moved, Kay holding you tightly as you caught your breath, and when you lifted your face, he slipped his arm from you to cup your jaw, laying a tender kiss to your lips.

“Well, that was certainly…” Kay trailed off, clearing his throat, unable to finish his thought as he pulled back to take in your disheveled appearance, your post orgasmic glow, and you grinned as you stood, fixing your skirt.

“It certainly was,” you agreed coyly, your fingers trailing down his chest to linger over the tops of his thighs, brushing the wet patch you’d left on his trousers. “Would you like me to help you?” you asked, holding his gaze and Kay’s brows rose, his voice faltering.

“I-I, [y/n],” he spluttered, but you were already lowering yourself to your knees before him.

“Would you like me to kneel, Father?” you asked innocently, enjoying the flash of desire that crossed his face before quickly hiding again behind those emerald eyes.

“[y/n],” he groaned though he made no move to stop you as you worked to undo his belt and unzip his fly, your hand sliding over the bulge that was now only one layer away, massaging him gently.

“When was the last time anyone touched you like this?” you asked, glancing up at him and he gave a rueful grin.

“Since you.”

Smiling to yourself at his admission, you freed his cock, relishing the way his breath hitched as you stroked him. Leaning forward you pressed a rather chaste kiss to his head before working your way down, kissing him languidly, dragging your lips down to his base before licking all the way back up again, pausing to swirl your tongue round his head and over his slit, listening as his breathing became laboured.

“Oh, God,” Kay gasped, his hand clutching white knuckled at the arm rests of his chair as you circled your lips round his cock, taking him into your mouth.

Humming with amusement at his exclamation, you lifted your face, a grin tugging at your lips.

“You know, some people say God is a woman—” you mused, pausing to lick another broad stripe along his shaft, softly grazing your teeth against his sensitive skin, making him shudder beneath you. “—And that heaven lies between her thighs,” you purred, your eyes flicking up to meet his, blown wide with want.

“God, [y/n],” Kay groaned, biting his lip, “You don’t know what you do to me. I don’t know how much more I can take,” he admitted, his voice strained.

“Does that mean you want me to let you come?” you asked coyly.

Before he could answer, however, a knock at the door made you freeze and Kay’s eyes widened in panic.

“Shit,” he hissed under his breath, and in any other situation you might’ve found it humorous that he still swore like that despite the white collar at his throat, but at the moment your heart was pounding almost painfully in your ears.

“We didn’t lock the door,” you whispered; you’d been too distracted at the time.

“Father, are you busy? I need to speak with you for a moment.”

“I-I’m a little preoccupied at the moment,” he called quickly, ushering you under the desk as the door opened anyway.

“I know, and I apologize —oh, you’re alone,” the voice exclaimed and you bit your lip to keep quiet. “I thought you had a lesson today.”

“Oh, y-yes, I do, but Miss [y/n] is uhm, she went to the restroom, she’ll be right back,” Kay lied quickly, and you heaved a slow sigh, your breath rushing silently between your teeth and Kay’s cock twitched in response.

Wetting your lips, you slowly ran your finger down the side of his shaft as you half listened to the conversation going on above you. It would be a shame if he got soft before the interloper left, spoiling your fun, you thought idly. At your touch Kay jumped slightly, apologizing for the tickle in his throat.

“I’m afraid I have a lot on my… mind presently, if we could schedule a time to speak further, I would greatly appreciate it,” Kay said pointedly to his visitor and you marveled at how even he’d managed to keep his voice while you continued to tease him.

When the door shut, the parishioner having left, Kay pushed his chair back to let you out from under the cramped desk, though he didn’t exactly look pleased.

“Do you know how bloody hard it was keeping a straight face during that conversation while my cock was out, much less with you teasing me like that?” he exclaimed, a frustrated edge to his voice that pleased you and you couldn’t help but smile up at him, adopting your most innocent expression.

“I’m sorry, did you want me to stop?” you asked, wetting your lips, watching his eyes follow the motion of your tongue.

“No…” he admitted, flushing as he turned his head to the side.

“Kay,” you murmured gently, waiting for him to look at you.

“Hmm?” he asked with a sigh, his eyes seeking yours.

“You know… you taste as good as I remember,” you replied, bringing his cock back to your lips.

“Oh fuck,” Kay groaned, the word sending a thrill through you and you moaned as he hit the back of your throat.

Your knees were beginning to hurt as you bobbed your head, but it was worth it to worship him this way, knowing how good you were making him feel— knowing that you were the only one could make him feel this way.

Kay’s hands clenched and unclenched atop his thighs as you pleasured him, as if he were unsure what to do with him, but wanting something to hold onto.

I’ll give him something to hold onto, you thought, taking his hand and guiding it to the back of your head, urging him to grab hold of your hair and he did so. As his fingers tangled in your locks he bucked impatiently into your mouth as a strained moan sounded in his chest.

As much as you wanted him to let loose and moan your name loudly, you knew he had to keep quiet. Luckily he sounded just as hot this way, the needy little sounds egging you on, and you knew he wouldn’t last much longer by the way he squirmed beneath you his cock swelling and twitching in your mouth.

“[y/n], I’m—!” Kay exclaimed suddenly, not wanting to surprise you and you gave the top of his thigh a squeeze to let him know you understood and moment later he came in your mouth, spilling his seed down your throat as you took him in completely one last time, your nose brushing his dark nest of hair at his base.

Cleaning him with your tongue, you swallowed, wiping your mouth daintily with the back of your hand as you lifted your head, finding Kay slumped back in his chair, his chest heaving and awe in his moss green eyes.

“That was—“ he shook his head in disbelief, quickly tucking himself back into his trousers.

“Good, I hope,” you murmured, suddenly gripped with uncertainty as you rose.

Kay seemed to notice your hesitance and he reached for your hand, pulling you back into his lap with a sigh.

“I admit, I shouldn’t have done that, but I can’t deny that it didn’t feel good… or that I wanted it.”

Kay took a deep breath, threading his fingers with yours. “This… probably shouldn’t happen again… at least not until we can be together properly, but then I plan to shag you senseless,” he murmured, his voice dropping to a husky growl for a moment as his gaze met yours, before quickly clearing his throat and he shook his head again.

“I’m just as bad as him now, aren’t I?” he murmured, so softly you were sure you weren’t meant to hear.

“What do you mean?” you asked, pulling back, a frown tugging at your lips.

“What? Nothing!” he yelped, his eyes widening.

You knew what you heard. That’s what he’d discovered to make him suddenly change his mind. Your fiancé was being unfaithful. You’d had your suspicions, but had never known for sure. This confirmed it.

He must have confessed it, and that was why Kay couldn’t say anything. Oh, Kay…

You didn’t want to push him. It was obviously important to him to keep this one thing sacred. You’d already defiled him enough already, you wouldn’t make him break this vow as well.

Slipping your hands along his jaw, you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Kay’s lips and he sighed.

“I love you,” you whispered, knowing now how you could fix your little problem.

“I love you too,” Kay murmured against your lips.

“It looks like our lesson is over,” you pointed out disappointedly, glancing at the clock on his desk.

“We didn’t get anything figured out,” he sighed, collapsing back.

“Nonsense,” you cooed, poking the tip of his nose. “I figured out you still like my mouth,” you teased with a grin as you stood and Kay groaned, clearly conflicted about that.

“Don’t worry, Kay,” you insisted, rounding his desk to grab your bag. “We can talk later, I promise.”

He sighed heavily, but nodded.

As you stepped out of his office you knew what you had to do. The perfect reason to break of your engagement had just fallen into your lap. Now all you had to do was get some proof.

————————

Everything Tag list: @midnightseance @magic-multicolored-miracle @etherealsxnder @orions-nebula @iamsexytrash @the-freckled-luba @xenteaart @slutforrobbiebro @phoenixhits @gurlimtired

[schnitzelbutterfingers]

The Forgotten One (Ethan Ramsey x F!MC)- CHAPTER 3

a/n: first, i wanna wish everyone a happy thanksgiving from my family to yours! please take the time to thank everyone you are so grateful to have in your life, especially god, for letting us live and for all the blessings he gives us. do not take anyone for granted.

next, so sorry for the holdup!! finally, chapter 3 is here! we’ll see what abby feels about the attack, her and ethan conversing, and a surprise ending. read, like, and let me know your reviews! forgive me if there are any spelling mistakes or grammar errors. let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist and as always, enjoy (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

summary:  Louise Ramsey, the mother of the famous, brilliant diagnostician Ethan Ramsey, is back into his life. However, Louise holds many secrets, dangerous secrets, that could harm him, Dr. Abigail ‘Abby’ Chacko (my MC), and the very few lives he actually cares about. It is up to Ethan, Abby, and their friends to save each other from what is about to come.

pairing(s): dr. ethan ramsey x f!mc (dr. abigail ‘abby’ chacko) || dr. sebastian chacko x dolores hudson (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT)

warning(s): angst, and then it’s pure fluff, and then a surprise ending (you’re gonna die die dieeee :)))

word count: 4289

catch up here :)

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Abby’s POV

When she wakes up it is with a headache, a throat ache and side pain. When she looks more closely at her nose, she sees an oxygen tube through them. When she looks more closely at her surroundings, she realizes she is in a hospital bed.

Lying down. Wearing a sky blue hospital gown. With an IV through her accessory cephalic vein. 

Jumping Jehoshaphat, what happened this time?

Abby spent many times in the hospital during her childhood. Most of them were due to the number of cuts and bruises she got from her father, in which some of them were very serious injuries. One time she was admitted to the hospital because...

No, Abby. Don’t relive through that phase. It’ll wound you more.

There are many types of pain. Many of her pains were physical, but some of her pains were emotional. By far, she can tell the emotional pain is the hardest to get over with.

Sure, she has been cut with a knife, raped by many of her father’s friends, and whipped with a belt. To her it was normal, and she had gotten used to it. To others, the pain is insufferable. 

Heartbreak hurts. Too much. It can rip people from the inside out, and change them. For better or worse.

Her father caused her many heartbreaks. In return, she studies, skipped five grades, graduated from high school when she was 13, and graduated from Hopkins when she was 21. Some might say she took it too far, but she knows it was just what she needed.

What she needed to prove to her father that pain doesn’t break her. 

What she needed to prove to her horrid patients that she is not dumb.

What she needed to prove to the whole world that she is not as young and innocent as everyone thinks she is.

Death, betrayal, and pain were her three companions, with some delectation in between. She cherished those jocund moments.

And she thanked God. Seb. Jazmin. Ethan. Herself. For all the hard work. 

But what happened right now? Why is she in this bed? 

It feels as if she has fallen into a cactus, her heart being punctured by tiny pins and needles. It’s starting at the bottom of her stomach, and it’s slowly growing. 

The anxiety.

The depression.

It feels like some kind of vaccination, where the shot doesn’t really hurt but the aftermath feels disastrous, cataclysmic. It’s leaving her breathless, as if she is running away from a ghost from her past. It is leaving a certain kind of exhaustion on her.

It’s heartbreak. But why? Why does she feel heartbreak? What could have possibly gone wrong-

Everything. Everything is going wrong. Bingo. She knows what is happening. But she can’t even speak the name out loud. It’s petrifying her. Really well.

 Louise Ramsey. 

Ethan’s mother who claimed to come for him and Alan.

Louise Ramsey.

The one who tricked them, including her.

Louise Ramsey. 

The one who stabbed her. The one who she trusted. 

The one who she believed had a change of heart didn’t have a change of heart at all.

She fooled everyone. She’s a liar. She is manipulative. She is every dark sin written across this universe. She is the next generation of Sat-

Wait. Wait a long moment.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no.

How is Abby supposed to tell this to Ethan of all people? How is she supposed to let him know his own mother tried to harm her? 

But she had to.

Moisture is falling from the tip of her index finger, even if the bed sheets feel cool. Sweat is dripping from her forehead, even if the hospital room is air conditioned. An imaginary shock travels through her body. The sharpness of the pain is unequivocal and indisputable that it sends shockwaves through her bloodstream. If it wasn’t for the bed, she would have crumpled to the floor.

She is currently holding the bed frame with a white-knuckled grip.

The young doctor scratched her arm nervously, mindful of the IV, as she let that horrifying memory fly through her.

Louise stabs her in the side, blood spilling to Abby’s legs and on the floor. She couldn’t say anything, words failing to come our of her mouth, every second making it harder to breather. She starts to lose consciousness, hearing the sounds of the patients in the room screaming for security.

Louise whispers into her ear, “The game has begun.” 

The last thing she sees is Louise running towards the exit and nurses coming towards Abby, before her world evades into darkness. 

That’s what happened. That’s why she’s in the hospital bed, feeling like crap.

That’s why she feels heartbreak, of all the emotions she can feel. She has heard of brother cheating on brother and father cheating on his wife. But a mother disowning her own husband and son, but then comes back only for her to clown them? 

That goes all the way back to Rebekah and Jacob in the Old Testament of the Bible, if you ask me.

She is back to the question on how she is supposed to tell Ethan. 

Does he know? If he knows, how does he feel? Does he feel depressed?

She sure hopes not.

When something happens to Abby, he always blamed on himself. Whether it was his fault or not. She reminisces on when Ethan apologized and was filled guilt when he found out about the trial.

Or when he came back from the Amazon. He didn’t really apologize for that, but the regret and remorse lurking beneath his eyes was the only thing she needed to know. To know that he was feeling guilt. Dismay. Lamentation.

Or when he opened up his bottled-up feelings concerning his mother. He said that he wasn’t planning on ‘dragging’ her into his mess. 

Or when she was in that decontamination room. She remembers his words clearly, words that were etched into her heart.

I wished I hadn’t asked you to stay away.

Or now.

If he knows. 

She knows what will happen if Ethan blames himself for this. He will be a different person. He will start becoming cold-hearted to people he cares about. He will push her away. Again.

Because he tends to believe that it is all his fault that accidents happen to the people he cherishes the most. He thinks that he is a curse. A malediction. An imprecation. She remembers the night when they connected for the first time. What he said.

This is The Ethan Ramsey. The man who can save anyone except the people he gives a damn about. Not Dolores. Not Naveen. And not you.

She was torn by what he said. Not because he said he couldn’t save her, but because he couldn’t love himself. 

The young doctor hopes he already knows what happened. Who stabbed her. She couldn’t even bear the thought of seeing his face crumble. The man who was stoic. The man who every one recognized as an imbecile. The man who every single doctor is head-over-heels in love with.

Ethan told her to tell him everything. Everything that makes her angry. Everything that makes her sad. Everything that makes her happy. 

If he doesn’t know what happened, she will tell him. She promised him that.

*Flashback*

It's normal for Abby to have a panic attack. Keeping her inhaler with her was vital for her to go through the day. Especially this week.

It’s been one week after the incident. That incident. That incident that took two innocent lives. Danny and Bobby. It’s all her fault. 

If Danny was alive, him and Sienna would’ve been a couple, loving each other. Now, she sees a Sienna whose eyes are haunted. Grave. Not filled with any giddy or joy. She doesn’t see her smile anymore, the once blushed cheeks with her beautiful grin that shows off her dimples, gone. Lost. Thrown away.

If Bobby was alive, he could’ve bought his daughter the new car. It was what he always wanted to do. Instead of enjoying his time with his daughter in her brand new car, he’s under the cold earth. 

Rafael is now going under therapy, but he also feels less confident from Rafael the paramedic. She misses the way he smiles. He does smile now, but there is no joy beneath his eyes.

And for Abby, she is not okay. She wishes she died. But she knows she couldn’t. There are people rooting for her. Her brother. Her mother. Her friends. Ethan. Ethan.

When she was informed that the gas in her body was maitotoxin and there was no cure, she accepted her fate and was ready to die. She glanced at Ethan, and his expression wasn’t betraying anything. But the eyes held more feelings than ever. They were pleading. They said, “Please don’t give up.”

She then realized that if they can find a cure within one day, she’ll try and survive. If not for me, then for Ethan and all the people I love, she thought.

Abby starts passing through that hallway. That one hallway. That one hallway that changed her life. No, that one room. And then, she passes through that room.

It’s clean, all the seals, the beds inside with new blankets and pillows. But she can’t see any of that. She can only see her, Rafael, Danny, and Bobby in that room. She sees Bobby dying. She sees Danny being taken away. She sees Rafael and herself being unable to breathe. 

Suddenly she runs away. She can’t take it anymore. You stupid, why would you even come back to the hospital when you’re not ready yet? she scolds herself. Because of Farley. Damn it.

Abby is flooded by her own thoughts when she accidentally runs into someone. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I-”

Only to know that someone is the one. 

She hears his baritone voice calling out to her, finding comfort and solace in it. 

“Abby? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” Ethan wipes something off her cheeks, and she realized that she was crying the whole time. She was so lost in her emotions that she didn’t a single drop falling down to her right cheek. 

“I-” The young doctor tries to speak but couldn’t. She can’t breathe.

“Rookie!” Ethan quickly drags her to the nearest supply closet. He asks her where her inhaler is. 

“Left... pocket...”

He hastily grabs and places it into her mouth. 

“Deep breaths, rookie. Deep breaths.”

She does as she is asked and takes deep breaths. After a few long moments, her breathing level starts to go normal. 

“Rookie, you weren’t ready for your first day back, were you?”

Abby starts to argue. “Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you panic attack right now seems to prove otherwise.”

She sighs. He’s right. She wasn’t even ready to set foot into the hospital. The only reason she did was because of Farley’s rash, and she thought it was life threatening.

Ethan sighs, breaking her from her thoughts.

“Go home, Abby, you’ve had a long day.”

Abby is about to snipe back when he stops her by raising his hand.

“On second thought, I’ll take you to my house. We’re gonna take a day off.”

“But Ethan, we both have patients-”

“Who will be taken care of by the other doctors in this hospital. If you think I’ll be leaving you anytime soon, you’re wrong.”

Hearing his words makes Abby feel lighthearted. She is stubborn just like him, but he’ll always be there for her.

After getting a confirmation and a wink from Naveen, they are in the car. It’s 1:00 P.M., and Abby sees couples sitting on the chairs in the outside booths of a restaurant, smiling, one couple holding hands. She dreams of these moments with Ethan, but their relationship is still uncertain.

The car stops at a red light, and she turns around to look at Ethan, who is lost in thought.

“Ethan, are you alright?” she asks him, concerned.

The mature doctor cracks a dry smile towards her. “I should be asking you that.”

“Ethan...”

“Abby... are you having suicidal thoughts?”

Abby was astounded by his question.

“Ethan! Why would you think that?”

“I’m just asking. If you ever feel that, come talk to me immediately. I can’t...”

It hit her on what Ethan was thinking about. He doesn’t want her to leave. As much as the question made her a little frustrated, she couldn’t help but think about what he was feeling throughout the whole ordeal n the decontamination room.

Abby takes a deep breath. “Ethan, I’m not suicidal. I never have been. I was just uncomfortable, that’s all.”

Ethan looks at her deeply into her eyes. She can literally feel him searching for any lies at her statement, his body relaxing when he didn’t find any. 

When he stops the car, she realizes that they’re here. Before Abby can take off her seatbelt, Ethan’s hand on hers stops her from doing anything. She looks up with a questioning expression.

Ethan speaks in a very stern but concerned way. “If you ever have anything irritating or frustrating you-” he kisses her on the forehead.

“Anything that brings you pain-” He kisses her on the nose, making her scrunch it.

“Anything at all, that makes you want to cry out-” He kisses her on both cheeks. 

“You come and tell me. Promise me” He finally kisses her on the lips.

As the final words come out from Ethan’s lips, she wonders about how she is so lucky to have him. Tears were burning in the back of her eyes, but this time, they were tears of gratefulness. To Ethan. For being her best friend. She cracks a smile.

“I promise.”

*Back to present*

“Hello? Ma’am? Doctor?” she is interrupted from her thoughts by a male nurse. When she checks his tag, his name is Caspian Chapman, and he has a light British accent. She hasn’t seen him before. Abby suddenly feels embarrassed. Who knows how many times, he called her like that.

“Hi, I am so sorry,” she says shyly. “I was lost in thought. Were you speaking to me this whole time?”

Caspian gives her a wide smile. “Nope! I just came in! My name is Caspian, and I will be your nurse! I am new here so...” he trails off.

The young resident laughs, despite the pain on her left side. “Haha, don’t worry! I’m not one of those Karens! Now tell me, how long will I be staying here?”

“From the stab wound you received, you will probably be admitted here for a week.”

Abby inwardly groans, wanting to just go home. Of course this would happen. Even if she’s disappointed by the news, she knows that it is vital for her to recover.

“So, did the stab wound affect my liver or...” she winces at her left side.

Caspian sighs. “You are correct. They brought you to surgery quickly, or who knows what would have happened.”

“Wait, how did you know I’m a doctor?” 

Caspian smiles again. “Are you kidding me? You are Dr. Ethan Ramsey’s protege and in the diagnostics team! Not only that, you helped him save Dr. Naveen Banerji! You are also popular on Instagram. Anyone would kill to be in a spot and reputation like you.”

Her cheeks grow red. 

“I suppose so...” she trails off. 

The new male nurse speaks. “Anyways, I should let Dr. Ramsey, Dr. Banerji, and your family know that you are awake! They will be at relief.”

Wait, what? Ethan is here? Naveen is here? My family is here? They must’ve found out the harsh truth. 

As Caspian turns to leave, Abby stops him. The nurse turns around.

“Yes? Is something the matter?”

“I just wanted to know if they knew who stabbed me.”

Caspian grimaces. “Yes, they are well aware. Do you not wish to speak to them?”

Oh no. Ethan knows. What will she do? Should she call in her family first? No Abby, he'll think that I’m mad at him! She inwardly slaps herself.

Okay, Abby, deep breaths.  She took a deep breath, held it for three seconds, and exhaled. 

“Can you do me a favor and call in Eth- Dr. Ramsey first?”

“I will,” he replies back.

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Ethan’s POV

He is terrified. Terrified to go and see her. Terrified to talk to her. But he has to. He has to let her know he loves her. He has to let her know that he can’t live without her. He feels a hand on his shoulder. Seb.

“Ethan, buddy, remember what I said. Tell her you love her. Make yourself happy. Make her happy. And she will never blame you for anything that happened. She’s a very reasonable girl.”

He looks into Seb’s eyes, and sees that there is something he didn’t tell him. Some kind of sadness, but there is happiness mixed in. He will find out later.

The older doctor turns around and sees the support written in their faces. Seb. Jazmin. Naveen. They are smiling broadly.

Naveen claps him on his back. “Now go get your woman, Ethan.”

Ethan smiles back. “Thank you, guys.”

He took a deep breath and opened the doors.

There she is. Abby. At once, she turned her head around, and at once,  dusky brown met ocean blue. She looks tired, her body a little weak, but she still gives him a wide smile that sends his heart swooping forward. Oh, he has it bad. 

“Ethan. Hey.” Abby welcomes him and pats at a seat on her bed. He, however, was hesitant to do so.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you...”

She rolls her eyes. “Ethan, I was stabbed, not hit by a truck. Now, be a good boy and sit on the bed.”

He does as he is asked, sitting on the edge, eyes never leaving hers. “How do you feel?”

“My side’s kinda sore, but I’ll survive... How are you?” she asks hesitantly.

“W-What do you mean?” he stutters. Ethan Ramsey never stutters.

“...I know who the perpetrator is, Ethan.” So she does know.

Before Ethan can say anything, Abby replies. “I know you are blaming yourself for what your mother did. But I will say it again and again until it gets through that smart head of yours. It’s not your fault, do you hear me?”

His eyes are shining with tears, his heart all the way up to his throat.

“Abby... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He blinks, and a droplet fails to stay in his eyes, escaping from the confinement.

The young resident suddenly sits up, wincing a little at the abrupt movement. Her eyes are full of alarm.  “Ethan, c'mere.”

And he does. He hugs her tight, mindful of her side, his nose nuzzling his neck. Abby wraps her arms around him and strokes his hair. The motion gives him a sense of peace. His eyes drop a few more tears. I will tell her.

“Abby, I love you.” She tenses. Before she says anything, he cuts her off. 

“No, Abby, please listen to me. I’ve loved you since the first day you’ve stepped foot into this hospital. I love how you’re always a colossal pain in my ass. I love how your eyes sparkle every time you hear good news. I love how your dimples pop up when you smile. I love how you bite your lip when you think about something. I love everything about you. Your courage. Your admiration. Your passion. I love you body. I love you face. And i now know, that I never want to let you go again.”

When Ethan pulls back and cups her face, he can see the tears glistening, failing to hold still and dropping down onto her cheeks. She half-sobs and half-laughs.

“Ethan, I love you, too.” And that is all he needs to hear.

He kisses her cold lips gently and pulls back, finding his sense of relief. She, in return, kisses his forehead. He promises to himself one thing: he’ll never let her go again.

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Seb’s POV

Seeing them crying of happiness makes him smile, his heart feeling elevated with joy. They deserve this joy. They both’ve been through a lot lately, and confessing their love for each other was their first step towards recovery.

“Psst! Seb!” Amma. Behind her is Naveen.

“How is it going there?”

The surgeon smiles triumphantly. “Our plan worked.”

Quiet cheers came out of their mouths. 

“Finally!” Naveen sighs. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for months. Ethan’s too damn stubborn for his own good.”

Seb laughs quietly. “That he is.”

Amma scratches his wool sweater. He just realized the feeling of itch on his skin because of the wool. And he can’t wait to take it off. But they won’t be leaving Abby’s room for the next two days. Not him, at least.

“Will it be alright if we go in and interrupt them?” Amma asks hesitantly. “I have an urge to hug my daughter after the incident.’

“I am sure that will be alright.”

Amma knocks the door. After hearing an acknowledgment, all three of them walked in. 

“Hi Ethan, is it alright if I hug my daughter? I do not mean to waste any of your-”

Ethan looks at her incredulously. “Why would you ask me if you want to hug your own daughter? I don’t mind at all.”

The famous doctor looks at Seb with a questioning look, who shrugs.

Mother rushes forward and hugs Abby carefully, sobbing as she kisses al of her face. The resident sighs.

“Amma, look at me.” Abby forces Jazmin’s face to her. “I. Am. Fine.”

“Sorry, Ladoo, your mother was just very worried when we got the call. I won’t try to cry, alright?”

The Chacko smiles easily. “now that’s what I wanted to hear from you. My Amma is strong.”

Abby sighs and looks at Seb and Naveen, smiling cheerily. “Who’s next in line for cuddles?”

Seb comes forward, finally at ease when he kisses her forehead gently. He hugs her as tight as he can, the injury preventing him for hugging her more. 

“Please, for the love of Pete, please never scare us like that again.”

She laughs lightly and cuddles closer to him. “I’ll try not to.”

Seb looks up and sees Ethan with a light smile on his face. He finally feels light, free.

He then hears Jazmin’s stomach grumble lightly. Abby laughs hearing this. “Why did you guys not eat? All of you need to get food. Now.”

“I’m not gonna leave you this time around,” he replies. 

Seb’s sister groans. “I knew you would say that.”

The surgeon has an idea. “How about I get all of us some burgers from a nearby restaurant? Since I doubt Ethan’s gonna like what he gets from the cafeteria.”

The famous attending shrugs and then grins easily. “You know me so well.”

“Only for you.”

Abby is on a strict water diet for two days, so he considers buying a cup of chocolate pudding for her. As he leaves the room, he sees Naveen hugging Abby, which brought some emotions to the Chacko. Naveen is like the father he never had before.

Seb is really joyous and filled with triumph at the love confessions between Abby and Ethan. He only wishes it could happen to him.

But it can’t. Because he lost the love of his life last year. Due to a seizure. While she was giving birth. All of their promises. All of their hopes and dreams. Gone. Forever 

I miss her... I miss her a lot.

Suddenly, he hears a whistle. A familiar whistle. It sounds like her. 

When she was alive, they used to whistle a lot. it was a form of their communication. The whistle that heard now was a way of saying, “Turn around.”

No, Seb, he thinks. You’re just letting yourself get too emotional. Stop hallucinating.

But then he hears it again. And it’s behind him. A little far away from him. 

He’s afraid to turn around. He can’t move. 

He forces himself to turn around, like the whistle had told him to.

And then he sees her. He sees her. He actually sees her.

No way, it can’t be... Suddenly, Seb speaks.

“...Dolores? Is that really you?”

She smiles. That smile. He missed that damn smile. Her face and hands are covered with small bruises.

And she talks. “Yeah, Seb. It’s me. Dolores Hudson. I’m alive. I really am.”

______________________________________________________________

Mystery Man’s POV

I give Louise some cash that she was looking forward to. 

“Great, thanks!” she says with a smile.

“Anything for my wife,” I reply, with an emphasis on the word ‘wife’.

She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, don’t call me that. I married you to destroy them, not to love you. Now where’s that manicure you promised?”

Louise is annoying as hell. Sometimes I wonder how her former husband Alan dealt with her. What a man, I think. 

She gives me a mischievous grin. “Now give me a kiss.”

I groan, and I quickly give her a kiss, not wanting it to last for long.

Then, I feel a vibration in my pocket. It’s my phone. I pick it up.

It’s one of my guards. And I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I bark him an order. Blood rushes through my veins, and for the first time in a long time, I feel fear.

I hang up the phone and look at Louise, whose eyes held confusion. I decide to answer her questioning glance.

“Missing captive alert. Dolores Hudson has escaped.”

______________________________________________________________

a/n 2: hope you liked that ending!

a/n 3: i know dolores died of a seizure while under an emergency c-section, but in this au, i refuse to believe so :)

tags:@missmiimiie​ @aylamwrites @starrystarrytrouble​ @udishaman​ @caseyvalentineramsey​ @queencarb​ @choicesstan1​ @newcolonies​ @arcticrivers​ @angela8756 @takemyopenheart​ @rookie-ramsey​ @ohchoices​ @ohvamsey @ohramsey @natureblooms24​ @drariellevalentine​ @maurine07​ @lucy-268 @thanialis

@openheartfanfics

@choicesficwriterscreations

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: iv, v

You smiled as you saw Jaemin on the otherside as you opened the door to Jaemin’s room. Your parents always gathered to these monthly dinners at each other’s houses, so usually, Jaemin and you were given some free time to hang out as both your parents prepared dinner. 

“Nana!” you exclaimed, pulling the taller boy into a hug. “I missed you,” you mumbled against his fluffy sweater, his scent filling your nostrils in an instant. “You saw me hours ago when we got smoothies,” he chuckled, reciprocating the hug nonetheless. You shrugged, your smile still evident and wide as you nuzzled your face against the soft fabric.

“I don’t care, I miss you nonetheless. You-” you were interrupted when Jaemin let out an awkward cough, ”Y/n.” He spoke sternly, knowing that you were gonna bring out the soulmate topic again. You look up at him with a cheeky smile, pulling away from the hug as you began to speak,  “sorry, I mean, who knows? You could’ve changed your mind bout it in the past few hours.” you giggled, earning an eye roll from the boy in front of you who lets out an exasperated sigh.

You bit your lip slightly at his annoyed expression, trying to keep your usual bright smile stretched across your face. “Oh!” you exclaimed after a moment of silence, reaching a hand into your jacket pocket and pulling out a small wooden box. “Here,” you smiled, breaking the tension as you handed him the small box.

Jaemin’s frown lighten as he raised one of his eyebrows in confusion, gently taking the wooden box into his hands. “What’s this?” he asked as he slowly opened the box to see a photo of the two of you playing with some action figures and barbies when you were still in kindergarten, his expression lighten and a small smile stretched across his face at the sight as the memory of the two of you roleplaying with your toys came flashing through his mind.

Soft music came out of the small box, it appeared to be a cute music box with a small figure of a porcelain farm girl with red braided pig tails spinning around spinning around in the middle of the box. Jaemin lifted his gaze to your bright one, “it’s a music box, dumb ass.” you replied with a laugh. Jaemin chuckled, as the calming sound of moonlight sonata came out of the music box. He closed the box and turned it upside down to see the crank slowly twisting along with the music.

“I want you to have it,” you smiled bashfully, tugging on the sleeves of your jacket nervously. Jaemin lifted a brow, “me? Why?” he asked, frowning a bit.��“Is it a crime to give you a gift?” you pouted, “why are you acting as if I hid a bomb inside of it? That’s a special music box, you know!” you spluttered once you saw his expression hardened. “Sure it is, that’s what you said bout the other unexpected presents you gave me.” he chuckled. “It was to convince you to keep it. Shut up, that music box actually means alot to me.” you pouted.

“If it means so much to you, then don’t give it to me.” Jaemin shook his head with a laugh, passing you your music box back. You frowned when you felt the wooden box handed to you. “But I want you to have it because you, too, mean a lot to me.” You pouted, causing Jaemin to let out an frustrated sigh.

He pushed the music box back to you. Before you could retort, you both heard Jaemin’s mom calling out for the both of you from the dining room. “Y/N! Jaemin! Dinner’s ready, come on down!” Jaemin didn’t spare you a glance as he started walking down the stairs, leaving you standing awkwardly in the middle of his room with your music box in hand.

You sighed, ignoring the pain in your chest as you took a deep breath, trying to maintain a bright smile on your face. You felt the soulmate mark on your wrist sting against your skin. You clenched your fist to try to convince your mind to numb the stinging sensation, taking a deep breath as the pain in your chest and wrist subsided. “Y/N? You up there?” your dad called out from downstairs. “Yeah, hold up!” you spluttered as you tucked the small music box inside your pocket before hurriedly jogging down the stairs.

"What took you so long?" your mother laughed as you descended down the steps and came into view from the dining table. You smiled, “sorry, I spaced out. What did I miss?” you walked to sit in between Jaemin and your mother. “Spaced out? Well that’s very unusual of you,” Jaemin’s mom chuckled as you let out an innocent shrug.

“I’ve been spacing out a lot lately,” you giggled as you began to eat the pasta presented before you in one of Mrs. Na’s prized china plates. “Give her a break, it is their senior year of highschool after all,” Jaemin's father laughed in amusement, “make sure you study hard, you two.”

Jaemin smiled, nodding. “Will do, dad” he responded with a grin. “Anyways, how was school today?” Mr. Na asked, putting his elbows on the table and intertwining his fingers together as he chewed. “You should ask Mr. Captain Of The Football Team.” you giggled, nudging Jaemin by the shoulder, causing Jaemin to let out an embarrassed groan. “Y/N...” he whined, burying his face in his palm, the other holding his fork as an embarrassed smile appeared on his face.

“What? My son? Captain of the Football Team? Jaemin, you didn’t tell us that!” Mr. Na exclaimed in awe. “Congratulations, my boy! Back in my day-” your dad started, making you let out a whine. "Dad, no,” you laughed, "please don't start one of your stories again!"

"Oh hush, you two love our stories!" your dad shook his head as Mr. Na and him began sharing stories of their youth. Explaining how he got hit by the ball when the school photographer accidentally turned on the camera flash during the game and bumped into Mr. Na in the middle of the game because of how bright the light was.

“Oh god.” Jaemin laughed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes as you clapped your hands in laughter at their stories. Both of your mothers shaking their heads and giggling along as they tried not to choke on their own foods as your dads acted out their stories dramatically.

“Anyways, I see you two are still getting along well. Tell me, Y/N, has my son finally accepted your undying love for him?” Mrs. Na asked curiously. Since that day on your 16th birthday, both your parents were hoping that Jaemin would let go of his dramatic ‘I don’t ever want a chosen soulmate’ idea and accept your love. But they were disappointed that Jaemin didn’t change his mind, they were quite happy at the fact that you were determined to convinced him otherwise.

What they didn’t know was it was starting to become a tough topic to talk about between the two of you. You were starting to grow tired of the ache in your chest whenever you get rejected, how you were clinging onto that little hope that Jaemin was just playing hard-to-get. But you didn’t want any of them knowing that your determination was wavering as Jaemin continues to reject you.

You bit your lip when Jaemin opened his mouth to speak, “Mom,” he whined. “What? Jaemin, it’s been two years. You should really drop this ‘no soulmate’ nonsense. Your father and I are clearly ecstatic that Y/N has a possibility of being my daughter-in-law.” Mrs. Na spoke in a stern tone. “Give the boy some time, Y/N is still as determined as ever.” your mother patted your head with a smile.

You let out a forced smile, obviously feeling uncomfortable with how awkward the conversation was going. “Jaemin, you should really stop rejecting Y/N so much. Poor girl has been waiting for years, for Gods sake.” Mr. Na laughed. “Mr. Na, don’t say that. I'm still eager as ever to keep trying, he is my soulmate after all.” you smiled, not noticing how grim Jaemin’s glare had gotten as the conversation progressed.

"I'll never stop trying." you grinned, "I'm never giving up til Jaemin reciprocates my feelings." Both of your parents laughed at your eagerness, oblivious to how Jaemin was basically bout to burst with annoyance and frustration and how fake your facade was.

Once you stopped speaking, you felt your heart sank once again. His eyes refused to meet yours as he fumbled with his food idly, listening to the conversation with his blood boiling in his veins, causing you to grow anxious. His fingers gripping the utensils so hard, you were surprised they weren't bent.

You bit your lip before you slowly stood up, quickly mumbling that you needed to go to the restroom. You quickly walked away to avoid Jaemin’s dark eyes, quickly entering the bathroom upstairs, locking the door and slide your back down against it as you felt tears stinging your eyes.

You held a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in your throat. You bit your lip as you pulled the music box out of your pocket, turning the crank before opening the box to hear the serene sound being produced on a continuous loop.

Your breathing calmed down gradually before a knock was elicited from the door. You flinched in surprise at the sudden sound, you quickly stood up and took a second to look at your reflection at the mirror to check if you look presentable enough to walk out. You shut the music box and tucked it behind you as you opened the door to be met with the dark angered eyes of none other than Na Jaemin.

“Nana?” you raised your brow in confusion. “What are you-” you were cut off when Jaemin’s fingers were suddenly wrapped around your wrist. “We need to fucking talk, now.” he growled as he quietly pulled you into his room.

Jaemin pulled you into his room angrily, shutting the door behind him and locking it to prevent your parents from invading. "What was that all bout?" he exclaimed angrily, a slight growl evident in his deep voice.

"What are you talking bout?" you raised your brow, tugging on the sleeves of your hoodie nervously as Jaemin continued. "Don't act dumb! You know what you were doing with all that soulmate talk! 'I'll never stop trying', what the fuck, y/n?!" he barked. "You know how much it pisses me off when you talk bout it."

"Me? They started the conversation, Nana!" you retorted, brows furrowed in response. "Still, you went with it." Jaemin ran a hair through his hair in frustration, "went with it? Okay, yes, I said something but it was to make your parents happy! I thought if I just agreed what they said they would stop talking bout you re-"

"Well you were wrong, okay? You have no idea how it feels to have your parents constantly nagging and telling you what to do and what not to do!" Jaemin barked, his voice getting deeper as his eyes darkened even more. His fists were clenched as the sight of the bright smiley boy was no more as of now.

" 'Oh Jaemin, you shouldn't reject y/n so much. You're actually going to make her give up on you sooner or later'" he mimicked in a high-pitched tone, words spewing out of his mouth uncontrollably in anger as he vented out his frustrations on you.

"'Jaemin, just accept the poor girl's feelings. You should just accept that she's your soulmate before you realise it's too late'" you felt your chest clench with every word. You didn't know he was always pushed by his parents like this.

"'Jaemin, give y/n a chance. Don't reject her all the time, you two are best friends remember.'" he growled, his eyes never meeting yours as he tugged on the strands of his hair in frustration. "I'm sick and tired of it, y/n!" he yelled, eyes filled with fury coming to meet your terrified ones.

"I'm sick and tired of being constantly reminded that I'm bound to be soulmates with someone I didn't chose to love." He continued, pulling on his sleeves to reveal the black mark that caused this entire mess. Your heart felt like crying out, you knew tears were slowly dripping from your eyes but you made a quick move to wipe them off with your sleeves.

"I'm sick and tired of you constantly forcing me and telling me things just because we have the same stupid mark! You don't know what it's like when people tell you how to feel!" he tugged down his sleeve angrily before taking a big step towards you.

You held your breath, trying to stay strong before Jaemin's eyes bore into yours coldly. His finger poking your forehead, right above the space between your eyes. "It's so fucking annoying to have your own best friend nag and whine every single day of your life bout how she's your soulmate."

"Its exhausting to be with someone who's so whiny and pushy. No matter how many times I fucking turn you down as gently as possible you're stubborn self couldn't see how annoying this whole thing is." he spat, his voice laced with venom as you look down, avoiding his cold stare.

You felt your chest tighten with every passing second, you felt like you were bout to burst. Your heart was crying out, begging and pleading to be freed from its pain. Practically saying, 'please let it out. It hurts. It hurts so much.'

"I'm sick and tired of you not leaving me alone. I don't like you like that, and I never fucking will. Get that through your thick skull, y/n." he hissed in your face. You bit your lip when he took a few steps back, the mark on your left wrist burning against your skin. Yet the physical pain wasn't enough to conquer the emotional pain in your chest.

Your heartbeat quicken as you took a deep breath, pulling out the music box in your pocket before handing it to him. "Can you at least keep this? I want you to have it." you sniffled, wiping your tears as best as you could as you tried to keep your voice steady. Nonetheless you hated yourself for sounding so weak and fragile at that moment.

This didn't faze Jaemin however, the anger in his eyes just continued to blind his vision with fury. He didn't know what came over him, but Jaemin pushed the wooden box out of your hand with a grunt, letting it fall to the floor. It's delicate thin parts breaking to pieces.

You gasped, flinching at the sound of wood and twine hitting the floor. You were surprised your parents hadn't come up yet, you look up in shock at the boy who was glaring at you emotionlessly. "I mean it, y/n." he spoke in a bold, cold tone.

You stared at what's left of the precious wooden music box, the small paper that is your childhood photograph poking out in between the pieces of broken wood. You took a deep breath before walking out of Jaemin's room, feeling something get stuck to the soles of your shoes.

You jogged down the steps of stairs, trying to keep your tears in. You felt like your heart had been crushed into pieces just like the music box. Your chest was aching badly, your wrist was burning and you just want to go home, curl up in your blanket and cry.

You needed to get out of there before you break. You knew you can't hold the pieces of your mask together anymore, and you weren't about to use the same broken mask over and over again anymore.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Mrs. Na's voice spoke behind you as you were about to open the entrance door. "Uh," you tried to sound casual with your tone but your weak voice gave it away. "I just remembered I had an essay to finish." you lied through your teeth, knowing you'd get a scolding by your parents later for leaving so abruptly.

"It's a really really long essay," you smiled, sparing the woman a short glance. "Dinner was amazing, Mrs. Na. Good night." you bit your lip to try to make your act last a little bit longer. "Are you sure? Honey, did something happen-" she tried again but you quickly turn the door knob and opened the door.

"Everything's just peachy, Mrs. Na." you smiled, not giving the poor woman another glance as you closed the door in front of her. Ignoring the cold breeze that hits your skin as you ran home, quickly finding the key under your rug and unlocking it.

You tossed the key onto the table beside the door and ran upstairs to your room. You were thankful that Jaemin's curtains were covering your view of him, but nonetheless you pulled your own curtains just for safety measure.

A moment of deafening silence met your ears as you felt your heartbeat in your ears, your eyes finally flooding with tears as you let out loud sobs. You collapsed onto your bed, putting a hand over your eyes to somehow stop the tears that were flowing uncontrollably, your other hand clutching the hoodie over your aching chest.

Ugly cries echoed through your room as you continued to break down. Jaemin's words repeating themselves in your head over and over again. You knew that this day would eventually come, you kept telling yourself to be prepared for the intense pain at this exact moment.

But why does it still hurt so bad?

Why does it still-

"Calling Renjun." a familiar monotonous voice appeared out of the blue. You sat up, sniffling, moving to see that you had been sitting under your phone that was now calling Renjun.

You gasped, "wait, shit, no!" fidgeting to hang up the call before he answers but unfortunately it was too late, he had already picked up the call. "Hello? Y/n?" his soft voice greeted through your phone speakers.

"Renjun, I'm so sorry, I sat on my phone and I think it accidentally-" you spluttered, choking on your words as you tried to hide the fact that you were sobbing your eyes out a second ago. "Wait, are you crying?"

That seemed to silence you. But a hiccup elicited from you gave him his answer, "no? Why would I be crying?" you shook your head, a sob coming out of your throat at the end of your sentence as your heart clenched once again.

"Y/n, it's okay. I'm here. Tell me what happened."

IM SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED, IVE BEEN BUSY DJSKSBSBB

[vanillann]

flashback iv (spencer reid x f.reader)

warning: swearing, mentions of gaslighting ans parents death, mentions of crime, and slow burn

word count: 1.2k

flashback masterlist

“You are so going to regret giving me this sweater.”

Spencer looked up from the book in his lap, his eyes quickly looking me over.

He said nothing as I gave him a dramatic spin, the plaid skirt spinning as I held my hands over my head.

“It’s my favorite.”

Spencer looked at me, an innocent smile on his face.

“What?”

“The sweater, it’s my favorite.”

I looked down at the navy blue sweater, the smell of new books and cinnamon was comforting considering the problem we were all in.

“Y-you look n-nice in it.”

I smiled, a light chuckle fell past my lips. I looked up at him, the book now held close to his face. He was faking, watching the same page for longer than a few seconds.

“You know you read faster than that.”

I moved to the couch, kicking his leg gently to move over. He did just that, just me way more room then I needed.

“What’s wrong?”

Spencer placed the book on the side of the couch.

“Did you know Kevin Mitnick is the most famous hacker in the world with a 100% success rate?”

I only shook my head, playing with the wire from the ear piece I was wearing.

“No I didn’t.”

Spencer turned on the couch to look at me better, his face serious.

“Why didn’t you ever mention Shane?”

I went to play with the selves of the sweater, stopping halfway through.

“I don't know, I just never thought of it.”

Spencer nodded, reaching for his book again.

“Penelope's parents and mine died the same night, the same accident. We both snuck out to meet this boy, Shane was supposed to cover for us.”

I watched out of the corner of my eye Spencer stop the mission to pick up the book, turning and looking at me again.

“After they died, all I had was Shane and Pen.”

I felt a lump in my touch, the memory of the happy childhood coming in flashes.

“Pen is obviously the closest thing I’ve had to a sister, but Shane loved mind games.”

“What do you mean?”

I looked up, seeing the calm face of Spencer Reid watching me as if everything was normal, like me telling someone other than Penelope how I feel.

“He loved gaslighting Pen, all the time. He’s the reason I learned how to interrogate so well, I learned how to see right through people from a young age.”

I didn’t even feel the tears slip down my face until Spencer handed me a tissue.

“I don't know how I’m going to last seeing him again.”

“I’ll be right in that ear piece the whole time, Morgan will be too,” Spencer pointed to the ear piece in his ear also.

“Can we have a safe word, you know a word so you know when I get scared?”

The crack in my voice made me flinch, I was never one for emotions and now I’m telling my crush my deepest darkest secrets.

“Of course, have any in mind?”

Flashbacks of memory with Spencer came rushing in, trying to find a word that meant something.

Oscar Wilde? No.

Watermelon? No.

The War of 1812? No.

The flashback in my head felt like nothing was working.

Flashback?

“How about flashback?”

“You want the safe word to be flashback?”

Spencer looked at me strange, his jaw slacked and his eyebrows raised.

“You told me on the way to this case not to give myself flashback’s, so help me remember that.”

Spencer only smiled and nodded his head, holding on his opened hand.

“Shake on it?”

“Spencer Reid wants to shake hands with me?”

He laughed, quickly looking down into his lap before looking back at me with a wide smile.

“I’ll risk twice as many germs if it makes you feel better.”

I only smiled, ignoring the handshake and fist bumping his out-reached hand.

“You told me one time that first bumps were safer.”

I watched Spencer smile, a slight blush forming over his cheeks.

Suddenly a loud cough was heard from behind me, I turned to see Pen standing in the doorway.

The old black corset and fishnet had made a comeback, it felt weird seeing it 10 years later.

“I missed you Pure Empress,” Penelope said with a curtsy.

I stood from the couch and held out a hand from her, a light chuckle leaving my lips.

“Oh how I’ve missed the Dark Queen so much more.”

Penelope smiled as she grabbed my arm and wrapped her own around it. She turned back to Spencer as he stood from the couch.

“Ready Boy Wonder?”

He did a quick nod and followed behind us, walking to the large dark van in front of the police station.

Morgan stood in the back with another man, pointing at different brightly light screens.

Suddenly Morgan looked up, laughing as Pen and I hoped into the back with him.

“Polar opposites I see.”

Penelope laughed as she looked over the tech, double checking the professional.

“I miss my band tee shirts,” I pouted as I took a seat on one of the benches.

“I don't, I like the sweater look,” Pen said over her shoulder.

“I don’t, sweater (Y/N) let everyone walk all over her.”

Spencer closed to the back of the van, moving over to sit beside me. Morgan and Penelope sat across from us, laughing about some joke that was made.

“So how did this guy become your step-brother Mini Reid,” Morgan pointed over at me.

Reid threw something at Morgan, him easily dodging it.

“My mother died in childbirth, my dad married Shane’s mom soon after.”

Penelope looked over at me, mouthing the words “I love you” which made me smile.

“I’m sorry.”

I smiled over at Spencer seeing the way he patted my leg, looking back up at the two across from us.

“Eh it’s all good, I’m the living embodiment of ‘it could be worse’ anyways.”

Penelope gashped beside Morgan, a small hit of disappointment across her face.

“You’ve been friends with me since you were 5, your life has been blessed since then.”

I laughed, going to play with the end of the sweater. I stopped, looking down at the soft navy blue sweater.

“You can pull at it.”

I looked up at Spencer as he smiled down at my hands.

“You said it was your favorite,” I tried to not let the way he smirk get to me but it was so beautiful that my heart couldn't help but race a little.

“I was willing to give you a handshake, then I’m definitely willing to let you mess the ends up a little,” he grabbed the arm closest to him, pulling at the yarn so it came out slightly.

I gasped as he gently placed my arm back where it was earlier. I moved my hand back to his forehead, giving him bewildered eyes.

“Are you sick?”

Spencer only frowned as he looked at me.

“No, I haven't been sick since February 4th, 2010.”

I rolled my eyes, looking over at Penelope and Morgan who were laughing at the two of us.

“Oh you were being sarcastic!”

Spencer looked at me, a small hint of pride on his face. I smiled and laughed, liking the way he was watching me in that moment.

“Here,” the driver yelled from the front of the van.

“You two ready?”

Penelope and I looked over at each other, nodding our heads at the same time.

“Remember, flashback.”

please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter, i wanna know how you all feel about where the plot is going!!

part iii part v

flashback tag list:

@summer-writes @snitchthewitch @mortallythoughtfulgurl @l0ve-0f-my-life @101donuts @siwiecola @eldahae @hot-mess-express99 @itlittlefangirl @afuckingshituniverse @mollygetssherlockcoffee @tinylumpiaa

[mordoriscalling]

Life (of) Surprise (4/6)

Jaskier lies to his family about being engaged to Geralt for the second time… and there are way too many surprises involved.

Part 4 of the Singer and the Sailor AU that no one asked for but I wrote anyway (again). The chapter count went up again because I just can’t stop writing this story lmao. 

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

IV - A Surprise Discovery

Geralt is certain that a stag do shouldn’t involve this much crying.

The evening started innocently enough. They have had a room rented at a fancy club and they’re drinking, talking and playing cards. Geralt would rather do this at home but Lambert and Eskel told him not to be so “tragically boring”, hence the current arrangement.

Geralt’s been spending the day with “the guys”: Eskel, Lambert, Aiden, Vesemir, as well as his soon-to-be brother-in-law Silvio and not-quite soon-to-be brother-in-law Nasir. Jaskier, on the other hand, is away partying with “the girls”: Rozalia, Amelia, Triss, Essi and Yennefer.

Geralt hasn’t heard from Jaskier in a few hours, so he assumes his soon-to-be husband (only two months left to the wedding, and isn’t that a thought) is enjoying himself. Geralt, for his part, is having fun too; the stag do isn’t a disaster at all.

Then, it gets better.

Because Eskel is crying.

They were talking about Essi, commenting on what a lovely person she is. Although she’s not exactly Geralt’s type (he’s into people who are more... feisty), he still agrees that she’s a great woman – loving, warm, intelligent and beautiful inside out. Vesemir commented that there had to be many people mourning the fact that she was taken.

Eskel, upon hearing this, started weeping.

“Should we tell him?” Aiden, sitting beside Geralt, murmurs to Lambert.

“Nah,” Lambert replies gleefully.

They watch as Eskel sheds tears, mumbling about how much he’s in love with Essi but he wouldn’t dare to ruin her current relationship because she deserves happiness and –

To be fair, they have drunk a lot at this point.

Silvio and Nasir are clearly holding back their laughter. Lambert doesn’t even bother and guffaws freely, to which Eskel pays no mind, so lost he is in his despair. Aiden hides his face in the crook of Lambert’s neck, his shoulders shaking.

Vesemir seems more tired and sick of their shit than usual, though sparks of amusement dance in his eyes.

“I wasn’t aware this relationship makes you cry,” he tells Eskel gruffly, playing along.

“It does!” Eskel whines, “I should be her boyfriend.”

Vesemir’s lips tremor but he manages to keep his cool as he asks, “And what’s her boyfriend’s name?”

Eskel opens his mouth to respond but he says nothing. His brow creases in thought – it’s visible how the wheels are turning in his head – and then the moment comes when something clicks in his brain.

“Wait,” he says, understanding slowly dawning in his face.

At this, everyone at the table collectively loses it. Geralt is laughing so hard he’s slapping his thigh. Silvio and Nasir are in convulsions. Lambert and Aiden are leaning against each other, wheezing. Vesemir has to wipe the tears out of his eyes.

Eskel is too happy at the discovery to even notice the amusement at his expense. “I am her boyfriend!” he exclaims with wonder. Letting out a joyful chuckle, he repeats, “I’m her boyfriend!” He reaches for the bottle of vodka on the table. “We should drink to this!”

At the same time, Vesemir answers, “No.” and Aiden replies, “Yes!”

Vesemir plucks the bottle from Eskel’s hands and says, “You’ve had enough for now, pup.”

Lambert starts arguing and Geralt rolls his eyes. He then proceeds to drag his older brother to the side and force a lot of water and some food into him. While he does this baby-sitting, the phone in his pocket rings. As Geralt pulls it out, he’s surprised to find Jaskier’s name displayed on the screen. Slightly worried, he picks up.

“Hey, my loveliest sailor,” Jaskier slurs, his voice unsteady and watery. “Can I –” A sniff. “Can I come?”

Geralt frowns, bemused. “Shouldn’t we spent this night apart?”

“Fuck that,” Jaskier grumbles, “I miss you.”

“You haven’t seen me in five hours.”

“So?” Jaskier asks. “I just... want to see you. Please?”

Jaskier sounds downright miserable. Geralt has nearly come to terms with the fact that he may never master the art of telling Jaskier no but he's not fully resigned to his fate yet.

“Okay,” he answers.

“Are sure, darling? I won’t come if you don’t want to, you know,” Jaskier babbles nervously, “I don’t want to make you do anything you–”

“Jaskier,” Geralt sighs, “it’s fine, come here and bring the rest.”

Ever since their argument three months ago, Jaskier takes extreme care not to do anything without Geralt’s knowledge and consent. He keeps asking about every little idea, fretting and worrying whether he’s not overstepping. Most days, that’s the reassurance Geralt needs to keep believing in Jaskier's words. It does get tiring sometimes, though.

“All right.” Jaskier’s voice goes from resonating from the darkest depths of sadness to cheerful as the sun on a spring day in the span of those two words. “We’ll be there soon, my dearest.”

Geralt hums and hangs up.

After fifteen minutes more of trying to turn Eskel into a more or less functioning human being, Geralt witnesses the other stag do party members arrive. Jaskier opens the door to the room with a bang, his arms spread wide and a grin on his face.

“Geralt!” he exclaims and walks towards him with a prominent stagger in his step.

Before Geralt knows it, he has his arms full of drunk Jaskier. His fiancé peppers kisses all over his face and mumbles something nonsensical while Geralt holds him up, a smile tugging at his lips under all the loving attention.

In the corner of his eye, he can see the rest greeting each other, apart from Yennefer and Triss, who are watching him and Jaskier with a judgemental and an amused look respectively.

“Why are you here?” he asks Yen as Jaskier finally stops kissing him and embraces him instead.

“He was crying about how much he loves you,” she replies with an eye roll.

Triss snickers. “He was telling everyone about it, and I mean it. He wanted everyone in the club to know.”

Geralt stifles a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose. Yennefer and Triss laugh. Jaskier raises his head and blinks up at him owlishly.

“Something wrong, my gorgeous sailor?” he asks.

Geralt really bemoans the fact that even a single look from Jaskier can affect him considerably.

“No, siren,” he sighs, “We should join the rest.”

They ask the staff to bring another table and more chairs, and soon, everyone is sitting comfortably, talking, playing and drinking. Everyone except Essi when it comes to the last part, at least; Geralt quickly notices that she doesn’t touch any alcohol. She claims that she simply doesn’t feel like drinking but Eskel, who sits beside her, starts fretting, concerned that she’s ill.

“I’m fine,” she assures him.

“You sure?” he asks, “You haven’t been feeling well recently. Maybe you should see a doctor?”

Geralt’s the only one watching the exchange, as everybody else is occupied with the ongoing conversation about the rules of Monopoly. He sees hesitation in Essi’s face. She bits her lip, seemingly considering something for a moment, but then looks up at Eskel and smiles. “I think I should,” she replies, “seeing that I’m pregnant.”

Geralt freezes in shock. Eskel’s brain visibly short-circuits.

“The fuck. But we –” he stammers out, “Why, I mean, how –”

“I don’t know,” Essi answers, her eyes wide and apprehensive, “I really have no idea.”

Eskel nods slowly, his expression still absolutely flabbergastered. “Fuck,” he says, with much feeling.

Essi looks at him closely, uncertainty colouring her lovely face. “I know this very unexpected and you never wanted a family but perhaps we can... talk about it? We don’t have to keep it but I –”

Eskel seems to finally snap out of his shocked state. “Essi, no,” he says quietly, taking her face in his hands, “I never let myself have a family, but now that the baby is here... Holy fuck,” he breathes out, one of his palms moving to touch her abdomen. “There’s a baby here?” he asks, his voice cracking. She nods with a watery smile, and he takes her into his arms. His whole frame is shaking now, and there’re tears in his eyes. “A baby,” he chokes out. His tear fall but his whole face is alight with joy.

Suddenly, Geralt’s throat is tight. He knows that Eskel never considered himself a father material because of all the issues he’s been battling since his childhood, just like Geralt and Lambert. Although he was quite a ladies man in his youth, he never allowed any relationship to get serious. Years passed like this, and Eskel’s now in his early forties, which is rather late to become a dad. Essi is six years younger than him, so it’s not early for parenthood for her either.

Yet, they both seem so happy now, and Geralt can’t get enough of seeing his brother like this, smiling and crying as he holds Essi and kisses her.

The rest of the table finally catches on that there’s something important happening. Then, the news is out, which brings their celebration to new heights. Jaskier is so happy and satisfied with himself that Geralt suspects his chest may soon burst from how much Jaskier puffs up with pride.  

“See?” Jaskier tells Lambert, “I’m a better matchmaker than you!”

“I made a marriage happen!” Lambert replies.

“I made a baby happen! Beat that!”

Lambert scoffs, the picture of unimpressed. “Maybe you and Geralt are gonna have kids too.”

“We’ve already got two,” Geralt answers without thinking.

Jaskier lets out a shocked gasp, staring at him in disbelief, and Geralt slowly understands what he said.

It’s not that it’s not untrue – they do have two children under their care. The thing is that neither Ciri nor Dara is very likely to call Jaskier their dad. Technically speaking, Jaskier will soon become Ciri’s step-father, but Ciri sees him more as Geralt’s partner. In Dara’s eyes, Jaskier is a supportive, parental figure, but it'd be foolish to think that the boy could ever consider himself Jaskier’s child. Geralt knows that Jaskier realises how silly that wish is but he still seems to hope for it, deep, deep down.

“Geralt–” he says, tears welling up in his eyes.

For a stag do – even two of them at once – it’s too much crying involved.

***

“Shoes off, Geralt, honestly,” Jaskier complains, “Are you doing this on purpose every time?”

Geralt only grunts. His head is spinning, too much to be pleasant, and he doesn’t trust his mouth to form a dignified enough answer. Jaskier’s very drunk too, so he doesn’t comment on Geralt’s response, or lack thereof.

The two of them slowly make their way towards the bedroom. Jaskier’s house is rather large, though, and they’re many objects and corners they stumble into. The rucksack they’re causing makes them snicker but their amusement is cut short when walk by the living room – Ciri and Dara are there, sitting on the couch in front of the TV and observing the two of them with delight.

“What are you two doing up?” Jaskier slurs out, “It’s...” he looks at his hand, where a watch should be, but there isn’t. “It’s late.”

“We found an interesting show on TV,” Ciri replies innocently. Geralt doesn’t believe it for a minute.

“Well, sleep is important!” Jaskier exclaims, gesturing dramatically with the hand he doesn’t use to hold on to Geralt. “Go to bed!”

“Yes, Jaskier,” Dara answers.

“Young people like you should get a lot of sleep.”

“We know, Jaskier,” Ciri sighs.

Jaskier would go on about the significance of sleep for teenagers if he was allowed, so Geralt starts dragging him away. Before they disappear behind the corner, though, he turns back to Ciri and Dara, shooting them what he hopes is a withering look.

“Show’s over,” he growls out.

Ciri and Dara have the decency to look chastised.

Arriving in the bedroom successfully takes them a few more minutes. When they finally do, they go straight to the bed, not bothering to undress. Then, they’re kissing, messy and eager, but their bodies have a problem rising up to the challenge because of the copious amount of alcohol flowing through their veins. Jaskier breaks the kiss quickly anyway, saying that he’s about to be sick, and rushes to the bathroom.  

After Geralt is left alone, he tries to process all the holy fucks of the day, primarily the reveal that Eskel is going to be a father and by extension, Geralt’s going to be an uncle. Then there’s the very fact that he marries Jaskier in two months. Geralt also has a memory of seeing Yennefer and Triss kissing during the party, and that is a lot to unpack as well.

The world is spinning as he lays in bed. He registers Jaskier returning and laying down beside him before he falls asleep.

It feels like no time passed at all when Geralt and Jaskier are waken up by noise. The loud thumping bores down into his skull, causing awful, throbbing pain. He sits up, groaning, and Jaskier does the same with a whimper.

Then, they hear Jaskier’s voice sing the first verses of Her Sweet Kiss and, suffice it to say, Geralt has had enough of that gods-damned fucking song and its techno remix especially.

“CIRILLA!” Geralt bellows.

“DARA!” Jaskier yells.

After a torturous minute, the music is turned off, but there’s no blessed silence. Instead, bright laughter reaches their ears. Geralt huffs, irritated, and checks the time on his phone. The fact that it’s one in the afternoon and that there’s a glass of water placed on his bedside table redeems Ciri and Dara slightly.

“Fucking hell,” Jaskier moans, messaging his temples, “I love my life.”

Strangely enough, there isn’t an ounce of sarcasm in Jaskier’s voice. Geralt turns to watch him closely, taking in his pale face, chapped lips and the grimace of pain twisting his features. “You do?” he asks.  

Jaskier looks at him, the blue of his eyes as beautiful as always. “I do,” he answers softly, “My life is so much better with you in it.”

Warmth explodes in his chest and Geralt moves closer, kissing Jaskier on the mouth, the cheek, the nose, hoping to convey what he finds himself unable to say. Jaskier responds to the affection with a happy hum, angling his face so get more kisses. Geralt indulges him gladly, pecking him on his forehead, his brows, under his eyes, down his neck.

“So much better indeed,” Jaskier purrs.

Geralt chuckles. “That is thanks to Lambert.”

“Oh shut up.”

Jaskier’s grumble is so grumpy that Geralt can’t help but laugh. Jaskier carries on grouching about being better than Lambert, and it keeps making Geralt laugh.

He couldn’t be more glad that he’s stayed.

[nnatasha]

don't blame me for falling iv

read part one, two and three first!!

pairing: tom holland x reader

he comes back after years and years and the press are just eating it up and you're falling too hard, too fast

an; this is the last full part, but I'm p sure that I'm going to write an epilogue to tie up all the ends as I cut this off at a pretty blunt point 🥺 I'd also like to apologise in the delay of uploading and I'm really sorry it took so long!! more at the bottom :))

the crisp autumn air was a welcome change to the stiflingly hot summer days that had cling to you with warm, clammy hugs a mere few weeks ago. the leaves were turning oranges and yellows and browns and the ones you walked past on your way to work swayed in the breeze, a few feet above your head.

the tension that you weren't ready to admit to was like a third person between you and tom, the kind that popped up all the time and was just so annoyingly constant. his work was keeping him busy and, in turn, it was keeping you busy, bustling around and making calls, filling out paperwork and overseeing every little detail there could possibly be.

you and tom were scheduled to take a short trip back to your home, where there were dirt roads and bad chinese and memories filling every crack in the pavement and being posted like signs up in every shop you could think of.  the only reason you were back was for the big rosh hashanah feast your mum was hosting, and your entire family was going, bar your sister. it had been a long time since you felt at home, since you felt safe and warm and cozy and so very not in london and your excitement was buzzing beneath your skin like a swarm of friendly bees.

rosh hashanah had been a major part in your childhood, and tom's and stacey's and harrison's. the warm autumn days spent with your friends when you were little, guiding them through practices you didn't know how to do and running around the back garden while the adults had their own time inside and the overall innocence of it was something you yearned for, and you heart bubbled with it in the dark of the night, when god was asleep too and when your soul ached for things and people you could never have back. your childhood seemed otherworldly, in your big adult body as you laid in your bed without hearing someone snoring over in the next room or listening to a sister bumping around in the dark in the toilet, the concept of the joy you had so foreign.

tom. he was always by your side, and you were glad that he was pressed up against you in the bustling bus station. "why can't we just drive?" he grumbled, frown on his face as a woman sneezed too close to him, his nose wrinkling in disgust.

"because you never offered." you snapped. "and I cant so. suck it."

"bitch."

"I'll tell mum not to make a bloody trifle if you keep going on like this" you pursed your lips, but could feel the playfulness dancing in your eyes, and laughed when tom shook his head furiously.

the train station was loud but so were your smiles, and the warmth they held told of love that was old and new, strong and weak but that would hold a thousand lifetimes, in whatever way it needed to. your hearts were destined for each other, and the world seemed to know about it before you caught up, brain sharp and heart guarded and with a man that had broken it a few too many times, but who was trying as hard as he could to fix it again.

-

your mother was a loud, joyful woman, all round edges and warm hugs that smelled of flower, and full, rosy cheeks. your father was a hard man with a soft, squidgy center that was easily gooped out after a glass of wine. he was stern, and the roughness of his jumpers and his voice was something you became accustomed to as you grew up.

"my dear child!" your mother smelled of flour and her hair was frizzy and wild as she clutched your face inbetween her hands, planting kisses all over your skin. "why you keep leaving, huh?"

you groaned at her, not pulling away and leaning into her soft hands. the months away from home had been a harsh change and you were thankful for the warmth and familiarity that your home held, with its creaky floorboards and roaring fireplaces and the people and memories it had. over your mother's shoulders you could see your sister esther, her ginger head poking out the window with a wave. your soul was swarming with a hundred happy bees, buzzing with happiness.

"ok mama," you sighed, taking her hands from your face and holding them with a smile, "that's enough."

"alright, alright." she relented. "oh, the cold! bloody hell, did you come by train? how was it, did it smell?"

"no." you denied, tom saying "yes" at the same time. you shot him a glare as your mother started to ramble about london hygiene, heading back inside.

"god, I've missed this." tom said wistfully, quietly, staring at you as if you had all the time in the world. his brown eyes were warm and full of emotion, and you nodded, thinking of an entirely different thing, of fast love held long ago and passionate, soft spoken love that hid under the surface now, unspoken but still there.

"yeah." and your voice floated in the air between you and around you, along with everything you were feeling.

your mother cleared her throat from the doorway, and you could see your grandad hovering behind her in a checked shirt and his good blue jumper, your dad next to him. nothing had changed. the wallpaper was the same, the carpets were the same, the stains on every bloody surface were the same. you could see your yellow wellies underneath the kitchen window and smiled, soul happy. it felt like a decade since you'd been back home.

"don't rush her." your sister rebecca said, her hands pressed together.

"she's hardly flipping mo farah, is she?" your dad said. "if she goes any slower she'll start moonwalking."

"the moon landings are fake, honey." your mother said absently, hand waving.

and then esther was there, dragging you up the steps with a humph. "you're turning us into a ruddy freakshow, yn, hurry up."

esther glares at the neighbours peeking around their curtains, her eyebrows raised as if to say really?. "bunch of bloody cunts. anyway, hurry up, you too tom, I promised ben he'd get to smell the city on you. god, you've lost a lot of weight, your boobs must feel like two tangerines in a sock."

rebecca hugged you briefly, saying, "sorry, we redecorated your room while you were away. sure you won't mind a bit of megatron on your walls, benny loves him."

"I had worms in my bottom." ben piped up, trying to stick his fist in his mouth. "mum says im not to talk about it outside the house. or shove my fingers up my-"

"ben!" esther snapped covering his mouth. she'd had him during college, and had had her future plans foiled, and was now a single mother, still living at home. "good lord."

"don't the lord's name in vain!" your mother snapped from the kitchen.

your dad rolled his eyes, clapping tom on the shoulder, "I think she can take the lord's name down to butlins in a flipping wheelbarrow if we have to fast for him."

"allan!" your mum shrieked and you laugh, leaning into tom.

"welcome home, love." he sighed, a grin on his face as your mum starts off into a rant about religion.

-

  "benny, don't touch that!" esther scolded, pulling her son's arm away from the candle he was trying to eat. "mama has to bless us with it."

"aye, the power of the lord is going to cast out of her into our souls and fuc-"

"allan!" your mother walked behind him with a lighter in one hand and wooden spoon in the other, rapping him upside the head with it. "the lord will be inside me."

"I thought dad was the one married to you, mum?" you quipped, the grin on your face disappearing as she glared at you. you could hear tom hiding his laugh with coughs from beside you and you kicked his ankle under the table.

"ok, ok, that's enough," your dad giggled, waving a hand for your mum to sit down. she did so, reaching for esther and your dad's hands.

tom's hand was warm in yours and you squeezed it when your mother started the blessing. it was an uncommon thing, for your family to practice religion too much. you had grown up in a relaxed household, only praying during holidays and in times of need. nevertheless, your mother wouldn't let a single word against the lord be said in her small house, faithful to him at all times.

"are we done?" your dad's voice broke a moment of silence and your mother sighed, closing her eyes.

"allan, im blessing you. I still have to light the candles."

"oh, sod it, love." your dad said. "im sure god can light a candle for us, wherever he is."

"god is watching us right now!" your mother slapped your dad's straying hand, reaching forward to light the nine candles in the centre of the table.

"a moment of silence for frankie." you said, and your dad nodded, bowing his head. his candle was flickering with light in the middle of the table, and you spied your dad caressing your mother's hand when she let out a sniffle. you longed to have a love like theirs one day, together through thick and thin and fitting together in a way that ended in hilarious jokes and tender forehead kissed while tucked away in the kitchen. to have someone hold your hand always.

a hand nudged yours, and you turned to tom with a sigh. he was smiling a forlorn smile as he curled his fingers around yours, the warmth traveling through your body. it had been a long, tiring day, and you were more than happy to curl up on the sofa in front of the fire after the meal, it's heat never holding a candle to that which tom gave you.

"alright, eat." your mum finally said, and tom ripped his eyes away from yours to grab the roast potatoes before esther could, remembering how she always nicked them out from under everyone's noses. the meal passed with laughter and the odd shouting, ben trying to shove a brussel sprout up his nose disrupting it all.

-

  the next few days passed in a blurred bliss, like the few warm days after christmas. the house was warm and cozy, with joy seeping out the wallpapers and the floorboards into everyone's skin.

the day yom kippur came, your dad was a grumbly mess, having eaten all the yule log the day before to 'stock up his starch store' so he could 'be a plant' and promptly being shouted at by your mother.

"that was for later, you fat pig!" she had shrieked and you'd heard it from upstairs.

"bloody hell." tom chuckled from where he was sat curled up beside you, squashed in your tiny bed. you would never admit it, but the last few days had been heaven on earth because of him, and the way he made you happy, warm. you felt young again, like your soul was running through the fields all day and coming back home to your mother's warm hugs and your father's jokes.

"wait, no, we have to listen." you said through a giggle, sliding out of your bed and tiptoeing out to the landing, where esther was stood leaning over the banister already. you snorted, bumping her up with your hip, "dang, what you doing out here with all this ass?"

esther rolled her eyes, stepping on your toes as your mother started up again. "religion, allan!" she shouted and you wheezed. "it is the most important thing in this marriage-"

"what about our relationship?" your dad's voice was warbly, like he was trying not to laugh. you could imagine his red neck and creased cheeks, the way his foot would turn inwards before he started laughing.

"god-" your mother began, her voice equally high pitched and warbly, "-comes first, always. as does the cake you ate last night. how are we ever going to get a cake that good again?"

your dad's voice echoed up the large staircase as he said, "I mean, wait a bit love, and you could probably scoop it out the other end."

"allan!" your mother squealed and you had to press your face into tom's cardigan to stop yourself from being too loud. your mother burst into a tangent again, your dad sneaking off when she disappeared back into the kitchen, muttering.

his balding head poked up at you from the stairs, a grin on his face. "wahey, am I right?"

"waheyy!" the three of you replied, you sticking your thumb up at him.

-

  you hated yom kippur, you really did. the hungerness in your body seemed to follow you like a black cloud, making you scowl. esther never left her room during the day of fasting, and your father drank protein drinks -'you have to stay hydrated, could kill, you know?'- whilst your mother forced rebecca to supervise her whilst she was cooking at the end of it all, so as not to give in to the temptation.

you were squashed into the small twin bed your room could hold, tom pressed up against you as you watched downton abbey, not bothering to skip the parts in the kitchen. "elizabethan food is dutty." you had said when you propsed the idea.

"thought it was victorian."

"no, they had the same queen as us."

despite the stupidness the lack of food seemed to give the two of you, you were intent on finishing the fifth season before the sun set, bringing with it the rainbow and all the colours you cared about, but also the promise of food.

"it's so pretty." you sighed when the sun began to dip below the hills rolling around your town, all the houses situated in the little dip in the centre. most of the houses  had kitchens on the second floor as well, for when the sandbags got pulled out the garages and the doors got reinforced and the downstairs began to smell a little bit of dampness, of the showers in the summer camp you used to be forced to every year.

"you're a pretty munch."  tom said, patting your leg with his hand. his words were cheap, and his hand was careless but his eyes were loving, and showed all you needed to see.

"what are we doing?" you muttered, eyes trailing over his face to the features you had known for so long, that had become ingrained in your memory.

tom inched his head closer to yours, "dancing."

"we're not too good at it."

"we can teach each other." tom said softly. "until we're old, and grey, and I have to help you climb up the stairs."

his voice was strained and it took a few seconds to pick up on the want in it, the way he pleaded like a dead man come back, the way his eyebrows were furrowed in anticipation. in fear.

"don't lie to yourself, holland," you smirked, eyes fluttering close as you lips touched his. it was soft, but with the hunger and heat of a starved bull, and perhaps you were in love and maybe it had taken too long. his lips moved against yours in a dance your own knew so well, slotting together in every way they knew how. you were connected by your hands, his on your hip and elbow, yours on the broadness of his arm, the other holding you up.

you separated with a sweet, welcome ease, lovesick smiles a couple on your lips. "don’t lie to yourself, holland," you repeated, "I'd help you up the stairs."

"bungalows are pretty cool." he whispered, grinning.

"holy shit." ben's small voice came from the door and you groaned before snapping your head to him.

"benjamin! where'd you learn that language?"

"aunty annie." he replied, words coming out of the gaps in his teeth. your sister, anne, had disappeared to the next country over, or perhaps the next, you had no clue anymore, sending photos of anything and everything to the family groupchat. the other day she had sent a photo of a candle, the caption 'ughhh uwu hashem' tainting your brain for god knows how long.

"of course she did." you smiled a harsh smile that made your lips purse.

"am I going to get a cousin?"

"no, sweetie, now go to mummy and shut the door please."

ben smiled another toothless grin, a hand that was sure to be sticky waving in the air as he pulled the door shut behind him.

"well," you laughed, turning your head to tom, "how about we do that ag-"

the door slammed open to a head of ginger hair and you saw esther for the first time that day, hair a mess atop her head and legs bare sans an entirely too small pair of undies. the hello kitties on it were a faded link and you would've laughed if you didn't want to kiss someone so badly.

"y'all fucking?" she asked after a stunned silence. her eyes were wide and crazed, and the edges of her lips were pulling up.

"get out!" you shouted after a second, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at her. "don't tell mama!"

and the moment was ruined, but it wasn't. the arm snaked around you seemed so belonging all of a sudden and the wheezy breaths that told of an upcoming cold didn't annoy you anymore and the rhythmic bouncing of his socked foot against your leg was suddenly endearing and you felt whole again, completely and utterly whole, for the first time in years. your hearts were finally bonded and you souls were finally dancing their dance in their own way, clumsy and uncoordinated but knowing where the other was going to step and melding into each other's bodies. whole was a nice feeling to have, however late it arrived

fin

an; rosh hashana is one of the best jewish holidays, its new years! it's followed by a horrible day of fasting, yom kippur. I've based the readers religious practises on my childhood ones, as I had a very religiously relaxed household, and the family aspect of the holidays came above the religious ones. also, reader's mother's view on religion is used as a comedic value and wasn't meant to be offensive at all.