#mishmash-mod

[fried-shrimp-tempura]

doodled him some more. might make changes to phase 2/3 design

[monsterbutch]

ummm. i may have just started the process of a new planet type. just to make everything a little harder on myself

[shalomniscient]

thinking modern!au feixiao thoughts again… feixiao who loves having you as her pretty passenger princess in her souped up supra. alongside her fighting skills, her car is something she’s also super proud of. she worked a lot of shifts at her uncle huaiyan’s shop to convince her guardian yueyu that she could get one, so she holds it near and dear to her heart. all of the car’s mods were done by her own hand—with some helpful assistance from moze, specifically when it came to tuning the ecu. and she certainly put it into action, sneaking off to participate in a street race here and there. it’s how she ended up making friends with an older foxian, yukong, who would also haunt these meet-ups in a downright monstrous nissan gtr that other racers could only look enviously upon. yukong’s retired now, though, very busy looking after her 2 year old daughter that feixiao adores.

in any case, feixiao’s had a bit of a history with living life in the fast lane. it’d always been a source of worry for jiaoqiu and moze, but feixiao had mostly just let their concerns go in one ear and out the other. she cares for them, she does, but how could they understand what it’s like to live life on a timer? she can’t let the world pass her by, needs to chase it down, and if that means doing nearly 200 on the freeway then so be it. but somehow, that worldview had since fractured—and she can trace it back to when she met you. now, with you in her car, she finds herself wanting to slow down. to indulge in every soft laugh, every sigh, and every breath she can draw from you. her car has gone from a place where she comes to forget, to a place where she wants to indent every moment into her memory.

she loves taking you out on long drives, maybe to go somewhere out of state for the summer. she’ll have several playlists on her phone, a mishmash of your favorite songs and her own, and you both take turns belting out the lyrics in the car. if you get some food at a drive-thru, expect to be hand feeding her fries or helping her sip her drink. she’s gotta keep both hands on the wheel, after all. and if the drive stretches on into the night, and you fall asleep in the passenger seat, she’ll slowly pull over and grab a blanket she’s started keeping in the backseat and draping it over you. when the car starts moving again it’s with an intentional, quiet gentleness, the machine purring softly as it moves down the road under feixiao’s expert hand. it’s a long journey, but there’s a warm comfort that’s wormed its way into her heart, knowing that you’re right there next to her for the entire ride.

[m--rtyr]

Hey new to the aphmau fandom, like days old, and i was wondering what order to watch her rps as its kinda confusing to me

This is going to be such a long post because there’s so much to say! (There is a TLDR at the end if you don’t care about specifics and just want a watch order)

The inclusion of side-series and stuff just convolutes things a tad. But I promise, you will get an answer.

First;

I suggest a side series to start. Which isn’t to say that they’re all short, they’re just not relevant to the Big Two.

But, yeah, just dip your toe in the pool first.

Dreams of Estorra- never watched it. But it’s popular. It should be on the Aphmau Stories channel instead of her main one, if you can’t find it there. If someone can offer me a summary for it I would love you.

A Royal Tale- a weird mishmash of Disney and the Aphverse. A lighthearted fantasy show with some adult humour, Lo (< an icon), and romance. It will introduce you to some of the characters from the other series without overwhelming you with references you won’t understand. Aarmau, but they’re exes who hate eachother. It’s only a roleplay

Mermaids Tale- similar thing to ART, a mermaid au for Aphverse. Very Aarmau centric, there’s lesbian mermaids. I cant actually remember the plot but it got me into my train (the singer) phase. It’s only a roleplay

Mod Mod world- never watched it, but it did get a sequel that I’ll bring up later. Again, would love a summary from someone.

My Inner Demons- it’s one of the only non-aphmau centric shows and doesn’t include ANY aphverse characters. The main character is Ava, and it’s set up like a Harem Anime with a bunch of male demon love interests for her. It has quite adult humour, but it’s pretty cute aesthetically and deserves a second season. It’s only a roleplay

HeartPoint- a girl sees how much people like her platonically and romantically by little stats that appear above their heads. I believe Aphmau is the only Aphverse character, and whilst the romance is pretty obvious to me, I’ll leave who she ends up with blank as that’s kind of a part of the series… iirc. It’s only a roleplay.

There may be more… I’ll have to look.

Anyways.

So.

Onto the behemoths.

Minecraft Diaries is the first of the Roleplays to really get her popularity. It’s a medieval fantasy, with both roleplay and let’s play elements in it. It ran for three seasons, seasons one and two being 100 episodes each, however season 3 ended short. It was never completed. Season three is regarded as the worst season, and most either don’t consider it canon or haven’t watched it at all, but I consider it canon solely because it introduces us Lo, who I love. The two main ships when it was popular were Laurmau and Garmau, and if it weren’t for MyS, they probably still would be treated as such.

If you want to watch the main series in chronological order, I would watch MCD first. It is my favourite tho so maybe I’m biased. The lore can be contradictory and the quality slowly improves over time. It started to get remade with Rebirth, which you can watch before hand to get a general gist of the show before you dive into it, though it isn’t incredibly accurate to how the original is. Seasons 1-2 are on Aphmau’s main channel (I think), but season 3 is on Aphmau Stories. You don’t need to watch MyStreet but, you will probably end up watching it anyways.

Brief intermission: Void Paradox. The Mod Mod world sequel, is also a side series for MCD s1, and was made years afterwards. Very high quality, probably one of the better side series in general, and deserved a continuation. MMW isn’t required to watch it, but for context on Laurence and what’s up with him, MCD s1 is.

The next is MyStreet. It started as a modern Au for Diaries with the side stories and The Big Move, however began to be made into its own series. It begins as a slice of life, and is very light hearted with an Aarmau emphasis. It faces a genre swap for Season 4, before reverting to a slightly more solemn version of what it once was, before it goes back to a darker vibe for s6. Until s6, it existed in a separate universe to MCD, and you don’t need to watch MCD to understand it (though it does provide some context for s6)

There are prequels and side series (and a three episode sequel, which is fun). PDH is the main one, and because MyS was made first, they can contradict, however you will need to watch PDH S2 for context for MyS S4. Otherwise you won’t know the villain or understand what the fuck he’s doing. After them, there is PDH: Graduation days, and FalconClaw University. Neither are particularly important, but again, FCU offers some context for s4, so… you could watch it. It’s just not mandatory. There’s Aphmau’s year after s4, which is just a recovery mini-season, and there’s Her Wish which was released before s6, but set after it. And I will give them credit, they did preplan when they wrote her wish and watching it after s6 and realising everything they did to retain continuity… oh it’s good. Her wish does require watching MCD S3/late s2 though, it won’t make sense without it.

TLDR;

If a series isn’t Void Paradox, Mystreet, MCD, Phoenix Drop High or FalconClaw Uni, you can just watch it whenever.

MCD / PDH / MYS is my personal favourite watch order, because it’s all chronological. But just go with whatever you vibe with!

MCD is the OG and fantasy Medieval, but is a mix of roleplay and let’s play, and doesn’t have entirely consistent lore. It has a partial remake and it’s final, incomplete season, sucked.

PDH is higher quality and a highschool drama with fantasy undertones but less relevant, and is a prequel for MyS

MYS is the most popular and is a slice of life with more fantasy undertones, as well as very high quality, but suffers through genre swaps, and requires some context from the other two in later seasons.

[kaiasky]

Beat calamity mod w/ gf. (tbh by dying and respawning alternating we cheesed a lot of bosses, but w/ revengence master mode it was the right difficulty.) my thoughts

Just in general it feels like an incredible achievement. It never stops feeling like "if terraria was more" but it's so fucking good

in particular the stuff it does with its biomes and traversal are fucking cool. the sunken sea is an underwater biome, the vibes are impeccable and when you explore it its before you've gotten permanent flight so "swimming accessories" are actually relevant. The sulfurous sea is a biome of both air caves and water caves and they both feel uncomfortable, somber, and still beautiful. Absolutely captures the feeling of Yellowstone or whatever. Astral infection and brimstone crags are just outstandingly beautiful. augh. AUGH!!! betweenlands in Minecraft or Literally Subnautica is the only "biome" game that comes close to being that atmospheric.

The abyss is really fucking cool bc it's like... an attempt to translate subnautica into terraria. and it works?? it feels like the most janky bit of the mod (a lot of light sources, water-breathing items, defense items just don't work in the abyss) but it also feels like the biggest swing.

idk I think the core of terraria is like... the gradual progression from jump & sword to infinite-flight and screen-filling uberweapons. and I was interested to see how the late game of calamity would make it feel different than moon-lord vanilla. But it really does it! The late game dashes are incredible, the wings keep getting new quirks or feeling even more responsive. at some point rod of discord becomes a hotkey rather than an item on your hotbar. and while there's some "reskin +300% damage and a secondary projectile" upgrades, in general the weapons become more and more bonkers.

the bosses really fit into their part of the game. there's an early game clam boss who basically just ground-pounds you and summons clams. but that can be kinda difficult bc water physics and, if u are stupid like me, breath meter. later bosses do definitely trend in the direction of "infinite danmaku projectile spam nonsense with no pattern" which my gf wasn't as fond of but yk. that's the sauce I crave.

boss music of all fucking time. what else is there to say

idk. I wouldn't say it's "cohesive" as a mod like there's a ton of ideas kinda mishmashed together. but it's clear it was developed as one thing and not like a MC mod where the mods sometimes fight and are incompatible

there's this "adrenaline" feature where if u don't get hit for 20s while fighting a boss, u get a ~10x DPS boost. It feels SO fucking good. like you have to earn it by dodging perfectly right but then you hit it and BWWMWMWMWM 2 seconds of just melting the boss's healthbar

aaaa I rly liked it. Definitely a mod to play with the wiki open and with the terraria version of AE2 but. I am so so impressed.

[gameringgungke]

i really really need to get this out of my system because it keeps appearing in my recommended im sorry

i can't be the only one who absolutely hates the new desert scourge design, right?? right??? i'm not crazy??

the little flippy flabs on the sides of its face look too awkward to be usable for swimming (too thick) or shoveling food into its mouth (too awkwardly shaped for that), and aren't intimidating or cute? (and the weird off balanced spike designs on the flaps too?) the fact that its skin doesn't even look remotely dry or blend in with either the desert (too blue) or the sunken sea (too brown, too brown for the underground desert too), with the 'cracks' just looking like it has mud delicately placed onto it, not even caked on because it's too perfectly designed for that? the useless fin on it's tail that is so small that it couldn't propel it through anything and just looks like a Generic Monster Fin and nothing else alongside it? the weird mask on the face that doesn't match with the rest of its body and just looks like it got a hat made out of a few paper bags? the fins on the sides look really good, nice to see a worm boss in a big content mod finally being bold enough to have something as bare minimum as side decorations lmao, i just wish there was more/they were longer but i understand it's probably an engine issue more than anything. i like the way the jaw looks too (finally a good-looking mouth on a worm boss lmao), but the rest is just.... ew...?

from what i understand the person who made the sprite got bashed for something else design-related before, and i don't want to contribute to that kind of behavior but like

this design isn't even ugly, it's just a mishmash of unfitting elements for what the desert scourge should be and the biome(s) it should be home to, and they ultimately make the design a boring eyesore that both stands out from its biome in the bad way and doesn't stand out enough to be really memorable other than just going "ew" at seeing it for the first time

[utdrmv-confession-box]

Transcript: ‪Honestly I hadn't expected myself to send an ask here, but I felt the need to say this. ‬

1. I highly respect the mod for doing things the way that they are; must be a quite exhausting, dealing with a bunch of confessions every day, and I highly encourage breaks. I'm always entertained whenever I see an ask pop up on my feed, no matter what the subject matter is. It's a nice hub, I guess. Keeps me connected in a way to the opinions of people I haven't shared a word with, yet am part of this community all the same. But I digress- its super cool. Keep it up! <3

2. What im confessing.

I find this fandom to be one of the most impressive I've ever really come across, what with how it interacts between members, and how it somehow both disconnects and connects at the same time to the OG source material. Part of our wild and untamed growth as a fandom is BECAUSE of the game that we come from. Undertale is a game about choices and their consequences, we all know that by now- but what I've seen for the past NINE YEARS is what's come of the impact of that chance, that opportunity to dive into another world and spread it apart like a rotten log to see what gooey and weird curiosities are inside.

And in that regard, I feel we're both the hands spreading it open and the bugs writhing underneath. What we've made, the good and the bad, is an ecosystem all of its own. The game is that metaphorical log. We merely live inside and around it, feasting off of it and spreading it even further.

That, to me, has always been gorgeous. It's a wonder of human imagination, in it's most convoluted and mishmashed form. That, if given the chance to peek and create from SOMETHING, we could do amazing things. Undertale was that chance. At least for me, that is. It certainly hasn't let go of its grip on my mind, that's for sure (send prayers lmao)

That's all. Ha, I'm tired. :'')) wanted to let all that out, in as much of a coherent thought process as i could. Thanks for the opportunity. This fandom just means a lot to me; i always found it to be something of a marvel, in spite of all its many, many flaws...(Sorry about how long this is!!! Btw!!!!!)

[i-identify-tanks-in-posts]

What tanks would be most like the GLA Scorpion?

The scorpion draws most heavily from two ww2-era designs:

The ČKD LT vz. 38, a Czech light tank that saw use and success with the German army in the early years of ww2.

The Italian Carro Armato P-26/40, an italian light tank that saw limited use, owing to its entering production in the summer of 1943. In the end, only about 120 were ever produced, and they saw only limited deployment by the Italian and German armies.

The three you posted above, which seem to be alterations from a rework mod for Command and Conquer: Generals, are a mishmash of various early war and interwar designs, run over with a coat of imagination and inspired by the somewhat-grounded original design.

[toasterman247]

brave little toaster fighter tier list brave little toaster radio tournament ban Kirby infinite combo suckies brave little toaster brave little toaster EVO vod 2016 Blanky combo guide how to counter mishmash BLTF brave little toaster all ultimates FPS drop on mars stage how to make frag videos fighting game sony vegas crack worthless remix royalty free how to report youtube comments brave little toaster wave 2 dlc brave little toaster wave 2 dlc release date is the brave little toaster wave 2 dlc real did the brave little toaster devs go bankrupt will toy story tussle be the toaster killer lampy nude mod

honestly gobsmacked at this ask I got because I cant tell if this is like some AI info scraping bot trying to farm interactions or something, but completely confused why it would be an Anon ask if so... just completely dumbfounded

[eldritch-spouse]

So I had an idea for when Vesper’s queen becomes a concubus, I thought of them developing moth wings and a floofy tail. Aswell as neck fluff and having heart-like features and sensory antennae.

I could see Vesper and his Queen wrapping their tails together to make it feel more intimate and loving. Aswell as teaching his Queen how to take care of their neck floof.

Def overstimulating them by licking or kissing their antennae.

I see the wings as being like one of those floofy blankets that keep you warm and just them wrapping their wings over him to snuggle and keep warm.

[You almost described that one moth girl from an FNF mod.]

It's pretty rare for such a wild transformation to happen, but then again, you're dealing with Icons, and Icons are often total mishmashes of characteristics compared to their more physically homogeneous subjects. So really, it could happen!

Vesper's not just going to teach you to groom your fluff, he's going to tell you how to use it your advantage. You have scent glands in there, you know? The King himself is drawn to them, shoving his face in any fluffed part of you he can just to smell your pheromones. You're even more irresistible, he can and will get high of them.

In fact, you're taught how to mark people with your fluff. Though you can only do that to Vesper mostly, just as he marks you with his own. In fact, you're going to have to endure Vesper rubbing himself on you like a needy house cat just so he can have your smell. You can also sell your fluff for a lot of money. Ludicrous amounts, really.

Vesper is also in love with the fact that you have something similar to his "whiskers", though your antennae are a lot more sensitive than his lashes. He's not just going to lick them, Vesper will take both into his mouth and suckle until you're spasming and paralyzed in sensation. It's one of his favorite things to do, because it leaves you open to all sorts of stimulus.

You're recognized all over Hell for being the "fluffy" royals.

[wixelt]

Just had an incredibly vivid dream where Hermitcraft Season 10 started and it was revealed Martyn, Joel and Sausage were all joining, plus 2 or 3 YouTubers I think my brain completely made up (though one of them was giving me Scott vibes, for sure, while another coild easily have been a mishmash of Shubble or Lizzie or KatherineElizabeth).

No Skizz, though. Damnit brain!

Also, they had a strange, abstract NPC mod installed for some reason, plus the minimap mod.

Make of all this what you will. I blame having watched Iskall's penultimate VH episode late last night. :P

[liri-sims]

It's finally ready! My speech and motives default is updated for the Roman era. As before, I've default-replaced not just the speech bubbles and motive graphics but the UI elements showing interests and hobby enthusiasm. This time, it's in fewer packages - still sorted by expansion pack, but otherwise consolidated.

Download at SFS or Box, or read on for more detail.

Some subjects got updated more than others, naturally; politics, school, work, entertainment and culture, sports, and money all had complete overhauls in the basegame interests, as did almost all the hobbies.

The abacus used in the "money" interest, which will turn up in your fortune sims' thoughts, isn't period-accurate (and may not be accurate to any usable abacus, for all I know) but the actual Roman abacus is not well-represented on icon sites, and I have to work with what I can find. This is also the reason some quills turn up here and there in conjunction with scrolls even though they're medieval, the carriage up there doesn't look especially Roman, and so on.

P. sure the Simlish font I used in the SPQR was from Sims in Low Space, but I don't remember which one.

If anyone is wondering why there's a stairway under "scary things" for pets - apparently some dogs are scared of stairs, which was at least period-appropriate. The cat tower and doghouse may be a reach, but I wanted to replace the animal skins.

In hobbies, again, almost all of them were updated. Games and Science are the same as before, though. With games, I was going for "as generic and timeless as possible because I can't find icons for the ancient games I do know about," and as for science, the hobby is basically about stargazing and until real telescopes are invented they're not making much progress on that front. I included an icon of a twisty tree in honor of Fractured Moonlight's hidden telescopes, which have given me all my faelien kids and helped diversify the gene pool considerably.

Tinkering, for this round, is about great feats of Roman engineering, but then when I got to the Apartment Life stories I went with "blacksmiths," following in the footsteps of Rugrat0ne and clstldrmr83.

And for this one, lucky era, I can actually kind of differentiate "sports" and "fitness," because Rome actually had both spectator sports - gladiatoral combat and chariot races were the big ones I went with, but there's also boxing, wrestling, and mock naval battles - and a fairly modern fitness culture which has also made it much easier to pick workout wear and undies for this era.

I also replaced the birds they see while birdwatching with species that at least plausibly could be European in origin, because it was starting to bug me that they were spotting birds from Australia and the Americas. There's a green parrot in the mix because it resembled the kind Alexander the Great apparently brought back from India - maybe there's a feral colony of them in the area. Or maybe I'll come back and update that again later on.

The motives mod has been updated somewhat, though due to my inability to find a decent chamberpot icon they still think about peeing in bushes. My daughter thought I should have the Colosseum to represent fun but I could only find icons of its present-day state and that didn't seem quite right. For technical reasons I'd had the motives mod in multiple packages last time, but my testing this time around indicated that wasn't necessary. If I'm wrong, please let me know!

AL stories have all been replaced too - "computers" is again about technological advances, including some from the Tinkering hobby, "mechanics" is blacksmithing, "fame" is about riches and luxury and "arts" is a mishmash borrowed from the arts/music/lit hobbies. And sports is once again chariots and gladiators.

And now that I've held forth at far too much length, have the download links again:

SFS or Box.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 30: possible

[Looking back at HTDC after FULLY ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 30: possible

Argh, I hate this clunky, sucky chapter. It took me a while to figure out how to incorporate scenes taken from the Julan mod, and even after rewrites, this part still isn't working. The dialogue doesn't feel right at all, and while at least I'm trying to write action, I still can't write action. Oh, well. I'll get a lot more practice writing action now that Julan's here, getting himself into every stupid fight possible.

The answer, by the way, as to how to incorporate scenes from the mod, is to never fucking do that. Just write a new conversation, or new scene, something specific to this story and these characters. The Ald'ruhn bar scene with Julan in chapter 11 was fine for that reason - it's not in the mod! Using mod stuff meant I was trying to wrangle dialogue I not only wrote many years earlier, when my writing skills were even less developed, but was written in conversation with the Morrowind Protagonist, i.e. a faceless could-be-anyone.

After I finished HTDC, I actually went and did a fresh editing pass on all Julan's mod dialogue, because so much of it had annoyed me during my Iriel playthrough. That, and the Bloodmoon content, is what ended up in the 3.0 beta I put out in 2018. (Yes, I dragged Iriel through Bloodmoon, and ran through all the quest branch possibilities, including making him a werewolf. He hated every second of it, and it is extremely not canon for him.) While I don't think there's much overlap, because of my new-conversations, new-scenes policy, I was aware that, in theory, someone could scrutinise dates, realise certain new lines appeared in HTDC before Julan 3.0, and either deduce my authorship of the fic, or accuse me of plagiarising myself. While that would have been funny, I was pretty sure my secret was safe with the internet's indifference.

clannfears, a minor variety of Daedra. Several of them, eating something.

This was intended to be a fic commentary, not a mod commentary, but it's inevitably going to end up being both: why clannfears? Why three? Seems unlikely, but I didn't want ash beasts on this side of the Fence, and it had to be something reasonably, but not seriously, dangerous. Please also bear in mind that I had never released a quest mod before, never thought anyone would play it, and was just throwing random stuff together, especially in these early stages. My main issue was that the battle needed to last a long time, because NPC/creature AI starts running when the player enters the cell, maybe the next-cell-but-one, if you're in an exterior? I forget. The point is, the player might wander around the foyadas for a good while, before they stumbled upon Julan getting minced. So the mod clannfears have a lot of HP, but don't actually do much damage.

The Dunmer had collapsed against a rock

It is intended to be balanced so that, without player intervention, Julan will always end up getting killed by them. Obviously, if you turn up and he's filing his nails over a pile of dead bodies, the conversation where he begs you for help is gonna fall a bit flat. 

His armour was battered, mismatched and incomplete: no greaves, only chitin boots and guarskin pants that the Daedra’s claws had torn through like tissue paper. No helm, only a scarf against the ash, long since fallen loose, and a netch leather cuirass that looked considerably older than he was.

I really dodged a bullet, here, because when I originally chose Julan's base outfit, I had no idea lots of people would go on to draw him in it, so I wasn't trying particularly hard to make it look aesthetically cool, coherent or pleasing. Thankfully, Morrowind art direction came through for me, and I still think it works! Picking items, I was just going for "deliberate mishmash" and "stuff an outcast Ashlander might plausibly have got his hands on".

This is some of the first fanart I can remember getting of Julan - so long ago, it was on DeviantArt! Thanks Plangkye, wherever you are, I'm still blown away by it, sorry if you hate me posting your really old art!

Typical outlander, barging in where you’re not wanted. Next time stay… out of–” The sentence was lost in a coughing fit, interspersed with whimpers of pain.

Iriel was in absolutely no mood to prop up someone else’s over-active machismo. “You’re bleeding to death,” he observed, neutrally.

So, I have an agenda, in this bit of commentary. Because, much later, Iriel will aggressively try to characterise Julan's reasons for travelling with him in a certain way. And some readers bought it! Which may be my fault, and I don't blame people for not remembering everything about this first meeting, but... look. Come on. Who has the power, here?

Ire pointed mutely to a large, freely-bleeding gash in the Dunmer’s thigh, and the elf’s expression changed. “Oh. Sheogorath, that’s… more blood than I…” He tried to get to his feet, but the moment he tried to put weight on the injured leg, his face turned pale, and he fell back with a sharp groan. “I can’t… nngh…”

Me, forcibly pointing later-Iriel's head at this scene. Who was weak, here again, Ire? Who was strong? Who was collapsed on the ground, torn apart, and who was literally standing over him, acting superior and indifferent?

“Wait! Please.” There was panic spilling into the Dunmer’s voice. “It’s… possible… I could use some help.”

Who's the strong one, Ire?

Ire had a splitting headache, and a fraction of his usual ability to tolerate fools, which was never high to begin with, especially those with more pride than sense. “Possible?” he said.

I want you to know that I rejected the idea of posting the Leo di Caprio pointing meme, every time the chapter word comes up. See, the things I spare you.

Anyway, Ire: who's making someone beg for his life, just because you caught him, in a moment of terrified panic, trying to use a tough, macho persona as a shield? And yes, that's set off all your resentment of men like that, and yes, you've had a rough day, and are feeling like death, but come on.

Iriel's reluctance to get involved has something else feeding into it - the whole Rabinna thing. Lots of Ire's brain still associates trying to help others with looming disaster and crippling guilt.

The Dunmer growled. “Fine! I need your help! Happy now? I’m not about to beg you, n'wah. I’d rather bleed to death. But if you won’t help me, then go away and let me die in peace.” 

As with Tsiya, don't let someone's surface rudeness combine with Iriel's personal biases and victim complex to blind you to the actual power dynamic.

He glared at Ire with the last vestiges of his defiance, until it all suddenly crumbled. “I’m sorry,” he gasped. “I’m sorry. You’re right. About everything. Nothing’s under control, everything’s…” He coughed again, and struggled to breathe.

Julan: I'm not about to beg you, n'wah [immediately starts begging]

Ire didn't even have to push him, to collapse the tough persona, because there was literally nothing left holding it up. Who's the weak one, Ire?

But let's keep interrogating this alleged strong/weak dichotomy I'm trying to push on you, here: certainly Julan's in a position of weakness on all levels, but how is Ire strong? He's able to stand, sure. He's found himself in a position of power over Julan, and is enjoying leaning into that. But earlier I implied we might cut Iriel some slack for his shitty behaviour because he's feeling rough. Doesn't it then follow that, just like Tsiya then (constantly), and Julan now (briefly) he's being an asshole because he doesn't have the strength to be kinder, more empathetic?

On the one hand, yes. On the other hand: yes, BUT: this is the same logic Iriel uses himself, to constantly frame himself as weak from both directions, as a helpless victim, both of other people, and his own brain. This is what his self-hatred uses to twist memories and situations, leading to his logically incoherent rants in the Ashlands later, that still might sound persuasive, because he's articulate and emotionally raw.

Let's get out of Iriel's tangle of a brain, and stick to the physical facts. Both later, outside the Urshilaku burial, and here at Ghostgate, Ire has all the power, and Julan's collapsed in the dirt, a mental and physical wreck.

His voice shook. “Please. I… I don’t want to die. Not here, not like this.”

Interesting bit of additional clarification by Julan, there.

Anyway, Ire, I thought you were into the thought of boys prostrating themselves before you, begging for your favour, last night? What's wrong? Reality too messy? Nasty rough Dunmer boys don't mesh with the fantasy? (Are you sure? He just said you were right about everything, which is one of your major kinks.)

Iriel rubbed his forehead. “Hold still. I’ll see what I can do.”

In Ire's defence, that's not what tipped the balance in favour of helping. Someone's hot-or-not rating isn't how he decides who deserves kindness, that's unfair to him. Anyway, to him, this isn't kindness. He just doesn't want more mess on his conscience.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve taken you to bed, you know.”

Although now Ire's flirting, so something about this situation clearly registered positively.

“What?!” “Never mind. I was joking, poorly.

The sort of flirting that can be immediately walked back as a joke, if someone reacts badly.

The Dunmer was looking at him with a confusion that teetered on the brink of epiphany. “Go back to the part about… about…” Ire couldn’t help pushing it slightly further. “You don’t remember when we slept together, back in Ald'ruhn?”

Iriel remembers their last meeting, but apparently Julan doesn't. Which means Ire's in control of the situation on an informational level, as well as physical. He finds this amusing and, leaning back into the plausibly-deniable-joke angle, deliberately tries to make Julan uncomfortable. He considers this fair play, because if Julan's not homophobic, he won't be made uncomfortable by it, right?

The Dunmer’s expression passed through various stages, from its starting point in confusion, through incredulity to horrified realisation. He swallowed. “I was in Ald'ruhn. And you do seem familiar, somehow… But I… I… don’t think… I mean, I’m not… I’m sure I would remember that.”

Iriel's not sure precisely what was about to come out of Julan's mouth after "I'm not...", only that he understands the meaning of it. Later, he will fill it in as "not a vassith". Which is both fair and unfair. Unfair, because the Velothi f-slur isn't a word that trips naturally off Julan's tongue. Fair, because Iriel's right about the general direction of the road Julan's brain was stumbling along. He didn't finish the sentence because he was biting back a slur, though. Just because he wasn't sure how to, and he didn't want to try.

Because what do you call it, when you're definitely into women, and, okay, maybe, sometimes have... confusing thoughts about certain men, but you've never done anything and you don't want to, because you don't need to, right, you like girls, so it's okay. Probably everyone gets these thoughts, it's just a stupid, random... thing. You don't have to think about it, because there's no point, so you don't, you just put it in the box of things you don't think about.

Julan has a lot of things he doesn't think about. He's really good at it, except when he's not, and that's what the alcohol is for.

He stared, blankly, obviously struggling to sort through his memories. “I… I was drinking a lot, and sometimes it’s all just a blank when I wake up, but…”

Except... what if his good friend alcohol betrayed him, this time? Drunk Julan does stupid things. Drunk Julan makes bad decisions. What if... what if drunk Julan did do something with the pretty Altmer scholar, who admittedly might be the sort of man he could find attractive, if he was into that, which he's not, but drunk Julan might do anything, he can't be sure! What if he did? (Chapter title: also refers to the word floating through Julan's head right now.)

The joke had already worn thin for Iriel, who decided to cut his losses before he heard something he would regret instigating. “We shared a room, not a bed,” he said crisply. “You were unconscious. Nothing else happened, so you can stop worrying.

Iriel doesn't know and, honestly, doesn't very much care whether Julan's homophobia is internalised or not. He knows that look of horror, and anything Julan says is going to twist the knife further. Worse, Ire realises his "joke", if taken seriously, implies Ire might have taken advantage of Julan while drunk, and the last thing he needs is the Predatory Gay phantom crawling out of the depths of the Pit to clutch at him. He's setting his self esteem up for another massacre, if he can't claw the situation back.

I assure you, passed-out-drunk vagrants are really not my type.

Julan also isn't Ire's type in several other ways, but he's trying to end the conversation, not pick a new fight by slinging personal insults about violent idiots. Julan mostly just hears the "not my type" part, which he registers with a large amount of relief, and a small amount of something odd that he's not going to think about.

The Dunmer nodded, sympathetically. “Drink?”

Let's get this relationship back to where everyone feels most comfortable with it: supported by alcohol.

next: 31: help previous: 29: pride

[sweetrollbakery292]

The Tarkovification of stalker was a mistake

gonna go on a rant here, The valid criticism of the game, performance issues and bugs, get drowned out by gamma and eft fanboys whining about A-Life not being perfect, as if it’s the death of the entire franchise. eft fanboys, in particular, keep demanding features that have no place in stalker, treating it like it’s supposed to be some tarkov-lite experience instead of its own thing. Do these masochists even know what made the original stalker games great? Every complaint boils down to “gamma did this, and this game didn’t,” as if that modpack is the definitive version of the series. But here’s the thing, A-Life while ahead of its time and something that should absolutely be fixed in stalker 2, wasn’t the sole thing that defined the originals. The real core of the trilogy was its atmosphere. the tension, the dread, the beauty, the sense of immersion. Without that, the A-Life system would’ve been fucking meaningless. The dynamic world of A-Life only worked because it complemented that atmosphere, not the other way around. The obsession with the endless tarkov comparisons also miss the point entirely. stalker was never about cramming in features for the sake of realism or complexity; it was about creating a world that felt alive, haunting, and unforgettable, being challenging while not being tedious. the GAMMA modpack has completely warped people’s perception of what stalker is, and now they’re rewriting history to fit their nonsense. One review I see: “Far Cry with a stalker skin.” Then the inevitable “I went back to playing GAMMA.” Calling this game “Far Cry with a stalker skin” is lazy criticism at best, and the subreddit’s echo chamber keeps it alive. The game is a mess; it needs performance fixes and A-Life back as soon as possible. But calling it Far Cry and then praising a bloated modpack as a better stalker experience? kindly fuck off for us If you’re saying that, you don’t understand stalker. What you’ve been playing isn’t stalker. It’s a tedious, miserable mishmash of mods that barely resembles the originals. Go back and play Shadow of Chernobyl, Call of Pripyat, or even Clear Sky. Those games weren’t Tarkov clones designed to punish you for existing. They weren’t made tedious just for the sake of it. I blame the people who started the “STALKER is just Tarkov offline” narrative. More than that, I blame GAMMA and its smugass, fuckwad of a creator, grok. I used to defend GAMMA and Anomaly, but now I see the purists were right. I went back to GAMMA, and it doesn’t feel like stalker at all. It feels like it hates the very idea of being stalker. PS: To everyone who drops, “Well, I read Roadside Picnic and watched the Tarkovsky film,” shut the fuck up. You didn’t. And even if you did, you don’t understand them or their history. You just know the games were loosely inspired by them. Congrats on your trivia knowledge. Here’s a ribbon for your participation trophy. Now fuck off.

[limeade-l3sbian]

this is my current skyrim outfit. its mishmashed from loads of different mods lol. is this acceptable to spam in your group if you make it

Girl, yessssss. "Worst" case it'll just be you and me spamming each other back and forth 😭

[aischunomelody]

Review: Geordie Greep- The New Sound

Geordie Greep sounds like a name made up for some kind of anti-drug PSA, but he's quickly become one of my favorite artists. One of the members of the now-defunct trio black midi, he recently released his debut solo album The New Sound where he fuses genres like jazz, prog rock, and samba in such an incredibly eclectic way that it's made me dust off my keyboard and start writing again. I'm convinced that with this album, he's on the forefront of, well, a New Sound, but with some caveats.

I was already familiar with Geordie indirectly through black midi, a UK rock trio comprised of Greep, Cameron Picton, and Morgan Simpson. Their song "Welcome to Hell" was put forth to me by The Algorithm after I put on the music video for Viagra Boys' "Sports" one day. Entranced by the visuals of their music video alone, I suddenly found myself playing it on repeat because it was unlike anything I'd heard before. It wasn't until I looked more into their past that I found out they popularised a mishmash of post-punk, avant-prog that came from a venue they used to frequently play- the Windmill in Brixton, South London- and it's sent me into a deeper genre hole I'm still exploring. Artists like Black Country, New Roads, Squid, and Shame fill that same space, and their manic-depressive tendencies tend to show themselves through how they sound.

On the news that the trio dissolved for the time being after three albums under their belt came the news soon after that Geordie was releasing solo music. The album's main single, "Holy, Holy" came around at the beginning of last month, and even now it makes me wanna stomp around Downtown LA like a Looney Tune- enough exaggerated confidence to be silly, but with style. That song, along with many others on the album, tackles masculine insecurity, love, and validation among other feelings. The album as a whole paints a picture of a nameless deranged protag chasing after a prostitute named Terra that he thought loved him. With each lyrical track comes different stages of both life and grief, with the last being his acceptance that Terra did not love him. It's like listening to a man burn out in real time, but catchy.

In any case, I'm hoping this kind of sound becomes more popular. Since my teen years, I've had an affinity for Brazil that started with the whole "come to Brazil" meme, but it's grown into an appreciation of its culture, its people, and their impact on the world. It cannot be understated how much their homegrown genres like bossa nova and samba are incredible and starting to gain a footing in Western music again like the Mod 60s. Greep's album wouldn't be the first, but artists like Laufey, Billie Eilish, and even Mitski have been getting into the sound and it sets the stage for more thought-out and methodical music with calm timbres and hearts worn on sleeves. You can say that much for this album, but you can also add a little bit of the manic-depressive tendencies and raw aggression that comes with black midi's music.

All-in-all, we're all in for a saudade for the future. While not the newest sound under the sun, everything old is new again, and music is better for it. Hopefully it doesn't disappear after a while.