#mind you when i “wake up” during these im not fully conscious like “here i am!! 😝😝🤗🤗” im awake as in like

[cockinator3000]

hey! what does it mean if sometimes when youre trying to fall asleep you keep seeing and hearing things that feel pretty real and most of the time the things in question are just reall scary nightmares but im likee half awake and conscious but also not like if i fall asleep theyll fucking get me and im sitting there thinking what the fuck are you talking ab but every time i close my eyes the if i fall asleep theyll fucking get me thougjts overtake me and suddenly i start hearing little girls saying some sort of variation of "im gonna get youuu 😝👻😝👻👻👻😝😝😝" and then i start jerking my body to wake up because for whatever reason i get PARALYSED??? when the visions come to me???? anyway so i start jerking my body so that they dont get me and then i realise that whatever the hell just happened was just a dream and then i try to fall asleep but it happens AGAIN and i cant fawking sleep unless i do something else first. lile what im doing now. everything that i typed JUST happened and im typing this out to get it ouf of my system in hopes of proper sleep.

the other time this happened some disembodied lady head with a kind of warped oni mask was saying the exact same thing those damn little girls were saying

saying some "im gonna get youuuu😝😝😝👻👻👻👻" shit fuck offff pleaaasseeee 😭😭😭

.....ive been awake since 5 a.m and its 7:30 am now

[misstrashchan]

So just as a heads up, this is a continuation of this post about which of Smirke's 14 Fears from the Magnus Archives team RWBY+Pyrrha would be aligned with and @im-the-king-of-the-ocean asking my thoughts on Winter, Ozpin and Oscar (sorry it took so long to get back to this! I've had it sitting in my drafts for a while)

Winter: The Slaughter

Winter as an Avatar of the Slaughter is something I hadn't thought of but it actually fits insanely well. The Slaughter does often bring up the question of whether anger and violence is just senseless and mindless, or following orders followed by rationalisation; or if we're entirely conscious of the choices we're making, and which is worse, which is something that Winter's arc has been dealing with A LOT. In how she follows Ironwood's orders and has to rationalise his actions to justify her own and her "choices", like how she explains to Weiss how she accepts her role as the Winter Maiden being her destiny, though it was something Ironwood groomed her into and how she tries to explain to Penny why they have to internalise however they might feel about abandoning Mantle and trust Ironwood.

There's the element of anger which you bring up, and Winter's relationship with anger is interesting to me to think about, because she seems very much afraid in indulging that emotion, or any emotion, and because of the military industrial complex and her abusive controlling upbringing, leads to a lot of emotional suppression and refusal to think on those feelings or deal with them in any healthy way. Which of course leads to everything boiling over, and there's this. Rage, an passionate fury that's boiling inside her. But I wouldn't say it's something she thinks she needs or enjoys right now, quite the opposite. (the idea of being afraid of being hurt, of needing to have control of her situation and to throw back her hurt of the world fits more with Cinder than Winter in my mind, and I think Melanie's relationship with anger and needing it reminds me a lot more of Yang. It justified her need for it and fed into it, and Melanie liked that, she wanted it, but for Winter her anger is something she's ashamed of, something to be locked away)

But I actually do think with where her arc is headed that thinks she will come to indulge in that feeling more. The one time we see her have an angry outburst expressing her true feelings is at Jaques at his dinner party, and she scolds and shames herself for allowing herself to get angry, that it was childish and immature. To which Penny disagrees, saying she thought she was just speaking from the heart. But Winter believes that to precisely be the problem. She cannot allow herself to think, or feel just for herself,  because that terrifies her. So she only allows herself to follow orders. Again, similar to a lot of the Slaughter statement givers who were soldiers in wars of some kind and become numb to the atrocities they are made to commit, the sensless violence of it all, but her choice to accept her lack of agency and self worth still makes her complicit and is still a conscious decision on her part. This sort of meandered and I'm not sure if it made any sense but yes, I hadn't thought of it but the Slaughter actually fits Winter really well for a lot of reasons. And I think we will see her Go Feral in the near future, the thing she's most afraid of, showing how she really feels, and oh boi all that confusion, emotional repression, the lingering bitterness and jealousy towards Penny being the Winter Maiden, and projected feelings of thinking of leaving or betraying Ironwood she's been having and her conflicted feelings pushed onto Weiss, who betrayed and left first, just a whole over boiling pot that's a mess of emotions manifesting as Big Feral Winter Feelings. 

Ozpin:

The Eye, Ceaseless Watcher, Beholding/The Vast, the Falling Titan, Awful Deep

Ohohohoho Ozpin. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to TMA 151 imagining Ozpin as Simon Fairchild or vice versa. Simon's VA was told that his character had to give off the impression that he might offer you a plate of cookies or fling you off a cliff and when I heard that my mind immediately jumped to Ozpin back in v1. And Ozpin's VA said that if he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders, he'd be a lot more chaotic and fun. And that's the thing with Ozpin though, is that he wants to be Simon Fairchild, so so badly. I think he wants people to see him as that kind of person too. But in reality, he's stuck being Jonathan Sims. (The Ceaseless Watcher's/God of Light's Special Little Boy assdkjhkk) Oz is 100% an Eye Avatar. Fair warning, like with Ruby and the End, I have a lot of Big Feelings with this one. 

I see where you're coming from, but the thing with being an Avatar of the Vast is being so overwhelmed by the expanse and eternity of everything that you just accept your own insignificance as well as everyone else's, hence why they rarely form attachments or work with others. It's a very nihilistic perspective that it's Avatars tend to be very hedonistic as a result, we're all insignificant, nothing matters, let's just do whatever we want and try to have a good time, who cares what happens. And I do think Oz is Vast aligned, since he encourages the people around him, and tries himself, to enjoy the little things and have fun when he can, since he knows Salem is unstoppable and everything could go to shit at any given moment. And yknow. Him enjoying flinging students off of cliffs during initiation a bit too much.

 But Ozpin cares so much about humanity. He desperately wants to believe, and tries to, in humanity, and tries for them. He's been fighting so hard for so long, and believes humanity is worth fighting for (even if he has trouble actually having faith and believing in them). Everything matters to him. He agonises over every choice he makes and impact that has, takes on so much responsibility on himself, is so guilt ridden that he admits to making "more mistakes than any man, woman or child on this planet" that he practically paralyses himself with indecision and guilt. He’s also someone who has been shown to be paranoid, (his reluctance to fully trust the people around him out of constant wariness that he may be betrayed) and afraid of being perceived for who he truly is and having his secrets exposed, which are all very Eye related fears. Ozpin’s very much in this position in which he is the one who knows everything, who passively watches and waits and knows, from up high in his tower. “Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge.” (TMA 89) In the Lost Fable, he believed he needed to be the one to know everything (think to how he only trusted himself to hold onto the relic of knowledge, believing it to be “his burden to bear” and was desperate to take it back from Ruby) and as shown in his past lives, sought after Jinn’s knowledge in the belief that knowledge would help him in his cause, only for the ultimatum of the answer in “Salem can’t be killed” to break him and make him lose all hope of doing anything more than maintaining a perpetual stalemate. In the words of his speech in vol1, in which is a very good example of Ozpin desperately needing to practice what he preaches; 

 “I'll...keep this brief. You have travelled here today in search of knowledge--to hone your craft and acquire new skills. And when you have finished, you plan to dedicate your life to the protection of the people. But I look amongst you, and all I see is wasted energy, in need of purpose – direction. You assume knowledge will free you of this, but your time at this school will prove that knowledge can only carry you so far. It is up to you to take the first step”  (RWBY 1x03) 

There’s also like. A lot of Eye statements, particularly those relating to Jonathan, that relate heavily to Ozpin and his character, including this one:

“And at last, the Archivist looks up. At last, he looks into the eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all, and everything, and forever. It stares into him, and it stares out of him, and he is falling into the devouring eternity of its pupil. He wants to cry out in horror, but he cannot. 

He. Is. Whole. 

And still he does not wake. Wandering his slim collection of gifted nightmares, passing the grey and lifeless remains of severed dreams he can no longer watch, he waits- but not for long- before they can all begin again”

Like if that doesn’t describe Oz’s endless reincarnation and merging, becoming “whole”, and living all these lives is discovering, observing and “experiencing all and forever” then I don’t know what does. And then there’s the last statement we had before the s5 break, also an Eye one, revolving around the “Minister” which also gives off major Oz vibes:

God, the children. They won’t stop looking, won’t stop following him with their piteous, desperate gaze that speaks so loudly his knees feel like they will buckle. ‘Help us.’He will. Of course he will. He wants to. He hasn’t lied to them, he really hasn’t. He used to be one of them, he remembers what it can be like. He is there to speak for them. And if necessary, he will join them again. The minister grips his black leather briefcase closely to his chest, bile rising in his throat at the sudden jolt of fear that races through his veins. Where did that come from? Is he afraid of it, returning, of that sharp stab of hunger, the shivering of a cold you can’t escape? Or is he afraid that should it come to that, they will see him as a deceiver?” 

“On his side of the arena the shouts should be sharper, more angry, but their tone and pitch are such as to merge seamlessly with the others. There are no golden stakes on this side pinning down his would-be comrades. But the minister must be careful not to look too closely, or else he might see how many of his allies are fused to their own chairs, on which they have sat comfortable for so long"

"His eyes drift away, through the walls to the crowd outside. Their baying cries for justice cannot be heard in here. If any whisper should make it through, it is utterly destroyed in the deafening shouting that surrounds him. But he cannot forget their eyes, watching him, piercing him with their wounded humanity.” 

Another thing is that one of Ozpin’s allusions aside from the Wizard of Oz is Odin, and Raven and Qrow are meant to be his Huginn and Muninn, two Ravens that act as his “eyes” spying and gathering information for him. If you look at Raven and Qrow’s emblem, they have a left and right bird’s eye respectively, with Oz’s gear emblem inside the eye. In v4, Salem, upon hearing that Tyrian poisoned Qrow, says “the last eye is blinded” as in,the belief that with Raven having left Oz and Qrow now dying, Oz would have no more eyes to “see” with. You also have Jonah Magnus, whose corpse is missing his eyes, but is able to watch through the eyes of the Archive employees. That and the whole body hopping host thing is a little similar in concept (and Peter Lukas mentions near the end of s4 that if Elias died, Jonah would have chosen Jon as his new host which is just. Terrifying). There's a lot of other little things too, like Oz in the first three volumes is usually shown watching events like the iniitiation, the fight at the docks, and the vytal festival through his cameras in his office, a passive observer rather than someone who is actively involved. And Yang at the end of v6, when Oscar tells them about Oz saving him, says "so he's just been watching is that whole time?" The underlying tone suggesting that he could've come back at any tike but chose to watch them instead, through Oscar, and everyone looking at him like that's pretty weird or creepy (except Ruby tho, because she's Ruby)

I feel like I could go on, but this is probably waaaaay too long, so, in summary, Oz serves the Eye, is basically a perfect candidate for the Archivist, and is also Vast aligned, and in different circumstances would have totally been a great Vast Avatar. 

Oscar: The Spider, the Web, Mother of Puppets

Oscar. Was. HARD.

This lil shit is part of the reason it took so long to make this post. Because see, with other characters the most obvious indicators would be their semblances (which are often manifestations of coping mechanisms for their personal fears or trauma) or songs (which delve deeper into their characters), or have very specific fears that I can focus in on as to how that factors into their arc. But Oscar? He doesn't have a semblance. His whole THING is that he's scared. All the time. His song is called Fear for Pete's sake. Now, he is Oz's reincarnation, and Oscar does also share a fair few things in common with the Archivist and his character arc, (Elias's plan and the whole plot of the first four seasons was that he was trying to align Jon by having him touched by ALL the fears, aka, to fill Jon with fear of everything, so that he became a walking living record of fear) he persistently calls out people's BS and takes issue with people withholding information, also similar to Yang (who I firmly believe is Eye aligned). So like. Eye, right? But that just... doesn't properly fit Oscar. He's not Ozpin. The Stranger, then, becoming a stranger to yourself, perhaps? That is something Oscar's afraid of, right?

"Everything changes when you see a stranger, feel proud or betrayed" (Fear)

But Oscar is growing more confident in his own identity and figuring out who he is. He’s not becoming Oz, he's becoming his own person. And even if he was becoming Oz, Oz is hardly a Stranger to Oscar. The merge, from how it's described in the show, seems more similar to how the Distortion functioned, except Oscar and Oz don't fit into most of the Distortion's themes.

I was sort of uncertain, and I wanted to wait and see till I was more certain of where Oscar's arc was headed this volume, since he's being pushed to his limits and wanted to see how he acted and what choices he made. At the start, because of how he was regretting all the choices he'd made previously, and was telling Oz how badly he didn't want the merge to happen, I was speculating about the possibility of him being manipulated by Salem and Grimm!Oscar happening, which might fall him into the Corruption, but no.

Oscar is the Web.

It fits with his fear of being controlled, of his will not being his own, and like Jonathan, who was marked and scared for life by his encounter with the Web as a child, it is his greatest fear. Only, where Jon was so afraid of the Web he sought the Eye as his refuge, believing it would keep him safe, Oscar realises that can be used to his advantage. (Which actually makes him more like Anabella Cane, which is. Hilarious) He's trying to do what Salem does, focus in on people's weaknesses and fears and dig at them, manipulate and push them, divide them, only like, steering them into the opposite direction than Salem. He's trying to use the fact that people see him as Oz to his advantage and trying to manipulate their impression of him. He's just got this very sneaky, cunning and pragmatic streak in him that people overlook because he's also incredibly kind and just. Good. But those qualities very much scream "Web" to me the more I've dwelled on it.

[kindest-way-to-say]

okay so. i’m just gonna rant. about some pain i’ve been experiencing for a while. like, we’re getting into it

if anyone would like to put in their two cents, feel free. im kinda just yelling about my problems into a void, but im definitely not gonna stop people who might know what this is from giving me advice.

idk. my brains shutting down a bit.

TDLR: my left arm has been in constant pain for three days. it’s probably nerves or something. i’m very addled rn. i hate the world i want to sleep for a millennia. i also have had similar, smaller pain issues over a course of 4 months. i hate it here. i would very much like this to not be a thing, please.

so this story starts the mid may. my last month of school. i’m suffering through just to end this bullshit. but i notice that p much every time i have to do some slightly more than normal walking, some random body part of mine will just be in this sort of dull pain.

and i just kinda go. huh. okay. ow. and brush it off. this continues. it’s pretty minor, (like barely a 1/10 on a scale) but enough for me to be mildly annoyed by it on occasion.

go to two weeks before my school lets out for summer.

i get appendicitis and have surgery for it. i’m fine. that situation went better than expected, i was just not the most comfortable.

appendicitis pain traditionally presents in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen. right next to a shit ton of nerves. and the pain i’m going through starts to affect my leg. can’t really walk without alarms going on.

it gets better. i’m not like. comfortable, but i’m just taking ibuprofen a few times a day and managing decently. 3.5/10 pain level average.

but then, as i start going out and living life as a teenager in the summer (hanging out with one person semi-regularly, and doing weird family lunches), i start to notice that most times i leave the house, i’ll come back home with some pretty decent pain in assorted parts of my body.

like my back will hurt, which i just blame on my shit posture. but then it’ll be a weird muscle connected to my ankle or some shit when i am very well known for hating any and all sports except for hockey. which i don’t play.

so i’m not doing things to pull muscles, but i’m feeling twinges of pain kind of a lot. which sucks.

but i brush it off, now consciously keeping an eye on it and taking ibuprofen when needed.

pain levels steadily rise over time, but it’s still at about a 4/10 for the most part. there’s the occasional spike to a 6, but that’s not frequent.

keep going on to mid-july. every time i leave the house, i’m feeling dull ache/twinges in multiple places and my knees feel really fucking off a lot of the time. almost like if your knees were crooked or something?? idk.

but it’s still 5.5 on the worst day. so i just kinda hesitantly mention this to my mom. who’s used to me complaining anyway, but i make it clear that it’s been going on for a while, and it feels like somethings wrong.

and she says “oh yeah we can think about seeing a doctor.”

and i just. okay! cool. fun. rad. sick. vague pain. that’s my favorite activity. i love everything about this.

but i just grit my teeth and bear it. still doing the ibuprofen thing when my ignore it and distract yourself strategy doesn’t work.

now, end of july. trucking along. i’m at least in mind discomfort pretty much all the time. sucks. hate it. i’m concerned.

go to the 31. i pull a crazy all-nighter because i have chemical imbalances in my brain and shit just happens. i stay up for like 44 hours. wild. i sit at my desk for a while, drawing and i notice “wow my left shoulder doesn’t feel that great. huh. i have been sitting here for a while.”

so i go do something else but it doesn’t feel fantastic. almost like a buzzing in parts of my back and my upper arm. on my left arm. i am right handed. don’t know what that’s about.

go to sleep sunday night, i wake up to it just being worse. (also i have some weird circulation problems because of genetics. just random shit. no pain whatsoever. just funky.)

like wtf that’s a 4 right as i’m waking up. what the actual fuck. don’t like that.

but i was raised catholic so none of us talk to each other. so i just joke about my body organizing a shitty coup d’état to a friend and chalk it up to a fucked up muscle. but it’s like kind of moving?? a bit?? weird as fuck. don’t like it. still dull pain, but certainly something that pops up into my conscious mind like 10 times a day.

i didn’t do anything would result in a pulled muscle (trust me. my school is really intense about theatre and show choir. hard core choreography in everything that i practice 3 times a week during school+whatever play/musical) so i’m really just making excuses to soothe my brain and i know it. full denial.

i took ibuprofen the first and second day. can still tell it’s happening, but it sucks less.

yesterday i play a shit ton of guitar, and i can feel my upper arm cramping up and shit (which. oW. 5.7/10. WHAT THE HELL.) even though there is no strain on my left arm except for pressing my fingertips into some strings. no shoulder shit going on.

so i try to stretch out. no help.

and then the adhd medication instead of sleeping medication debacle happens and i don’t go to bed even though i actively tried to multiple times. i write a poem instead.

hurts mildly the whole time. it starts kind of limiting the functions of my arm. which. what the actual fuck. stiff, a bit seized up in especially bad pain moments.

i get focused on writing a poem and shit i only 20 minutes to get ready to leave for my appointment.

i forgot to take any ibuprofen, and it was already reaching 5.85 levels from sitting in my room.

in the car and in the orthodontist office, my left arm is completely fucking useless to me. half of my brain at all times is focused on like “oW OW OW OW OW” because it’s reached a point where i can’t really ignore it. it’s just there now. moving it isn’t great, it sitting in place isn’t fun either.

i’m at 6.5 levels. from the round trip of like 20-ish minutes, it’s raised that much. a lot of internal dialogue about it.

on the way to the orthodontist, i’m talking to my mom about it. she, sounding kind of annoyed, asks “what, do you want to see a doctor?”. i say “honestly? yes. it’s been 3 days nonstop. steady rise. there’s something genuinely wrong. i’m concerned about it.”

it feels like someone is poking around inside my arm with electricity or some shit. whole arm. shifting localizations and slight fluctuation in pain level. rapid escalation even just today.

i explain what it feels like in less wordy terms. and she says “that’s sounds like it could be nerve-related.”

it’s been three days. i’m exhausted. this has already taken a pretty significant mental toll, let alone discomfort level.

i have a high pain tolerance. i only started actively complaining about appendicitis pain the night before it exploded. that shit festers longer than overnight. i had been i pain for half the week before i said shit. and i just kinda sucked it up until i felt like i couldn’t walk without needing hella support.

but it’s really fucking getting to me. shit ton of weird tension, buzzing. just. constant painful buzz moving around.

i express this. “it’s a non-stop pain bad enough to be something i am fully aware of at any given second. if i stare off, im probably thinking about my arm.” and she kinda dismisses it.

it’s been like an hour, and i’ve gone up to 6.8 levels multiple times. based on patterns, it’s not just gonna stop any time soon, and i’m really good at working around weird problems like this.

like i said. pain every time i go out.

i’m good at hiding when i’m not 100%, but this is beyond me. it’s like someone’s just stabbing me with tacs over and over again. on my entire left arm and on the rare occasion, part of my leg.

i’m so genuinely uncomfortable, and i would this to not be a thing anymore.

[ddaenghoney]

chapter ten

masterlist link in blog description.

As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.

Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N

disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.

Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)

Chapter warning(s): topic of unbalanced-relationship dynamic is brought up, but it’s not,,,,.,. ,real? ik that doesn’t make a lot of sense lol im sorry; yoongi is a sweetie but this time getting flustered

Word count: 5439

if you enjoy please, please let me know!

You awaken from the sound of loud greetings in the distance. As your eyes crack open from the muted light that slips between the sheer curtains, you squeeze tighter onto the pillow that ended up in your arms sometime throughout the evening. The voice continues to blare from the otherside of the apartment, but now it’s laughing contently, doing nothing to help your head stir more conscious. You simply lie there under the cocoon of blankets, thinking nothing other than the fact that you were thirsty.

When you finally sit upright, the pillow remains in your grasp. A tiny grumble escapes your lips at the discomfort of trying to wiggle your legs free of the blankets when they were dressed in jeans you had been wearing the previous day. It’s then that you catch a glance at the clock on the nightstand, and you’re able to fully wake up as you note it reading a time close to noon.

You groan at yourself for not remembering to set an alarm, and then you recall leaving your phone in the other room anyways. Another disgruntled curse dribbles out for the forgetfulness, hoping that Yoongi didn’t have other things planned today that you’ve now made him late for. You’re out the bedroom door in seconds, peeking down the hall as though there is a need to be hidden. The voice from before registers in your eardrums sounding familiar and bright, and you finally take into account that there is indeed a guest of Yoongi’s here that you’re about to have to interrupt.

But your eyes find Yoongi’s person way down the hall as he exits from the kitchen area. His head turns towards you, seemingly startled for a moment when he realizes you’re there and your hand barely waves in return as a greeting.

“You don’t have to hide back there, you know? It’s just Hoseok.” He says gesturing you over with his hand as he then takes a sip of water from a glass.

“I’m not a ‘just’, how dare you.” Hoseok speaks with an appalled tone as you stalk into the room meekly, finding him sitting on the corner of the couch you’d been in the night before. “Ah, hello again.”

“Hi,” You nod your head, feeling embarrassed that you’re still so dazed from sleeping for such a long time, and then you also take into account your appearance likely looking quite unflattering. You bite your lip. “Sorry, I’m interrupting.”

“You’re not at all, he just showed up without saying anything.” Yoongi cuts in as he turns to go back into the kitchen. “Typed in the code on his own and everything. I thought we were going to get killed.”

“He’s dramatic.” Hoseok smiles towards you after rolling his eyes at Yoongi’s sarcastic statements. You nod softly, a tiny polite smile matching it. Your throat feels so dehydrated. “Didn’t realize his girlfriend would be here too, or I would’ve called.” He turns his attention to his phone all the sudden, likely receiving a text. As the title comes into your mind, your head starts to arrange replies suitable for a girlfriend, or to further the charade along in general. Though the implications of being at Yoongi’s apartment in the morning-- in his clothing nonetheless make you stay quiet. Your voice would surely sound awkward.

“He’s just teasing you.” Yoongi says as he walks towards you from the kitchen, another glass of water in hand. “He knows you’re not my actual girlfriend.”

Your shoulders relax at Yoongi’s words, having unknowingly been made a little on edge to have to continue the act so quickly after waking up. Receiving the glass, you greedily lap it up, relief flooding your throat as you try and recall when the day before you had the last drink of water. “Good. I couldn’t think of anything to say.”

Yoongi smiles at your relieved candor and also the way that you practically inhaled the drink, then his head turns back to Hoseok who speaks up. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that; thought he told you that I knew.” You shake your head about to tell him that it’s not a big deal, until Hoseok beats you to a response. “I just came over to see what happened between him and my ex.”

“Drama seeker.” Yoongi teases, though he rubs the back of his head, smile looking contrastingly annoyed at his memory of the night before. The change in disposition makes your lips cast down in the smallest frowns, knowing that you should’ve pressed him more about it because of how much it seemed to bother Yoongi to run into Seulgi. If it weren’t for the onset of exhaustion that set in after all of the frustrated tears, you would have. “She wants me to do more for you. Help you with your comeback.”

You eyebrows furrow slightly. Considering how standoffish Seulgi was towards Yoongi, and how obviously she ignored Hoseok entirely, you find it odd that her demands of Yoongi are seemingly well-intended. Though as Hoseok groans on the couch, hand rubbing his face, you think there’s more depth in those sentences that their face value.

Yoongi’s hand toys with his hair still, averting eyes back to you as he suddenly appears to recall, “Oh, you don’t have plans today, do you? I can drive you back to your place, if you need to be somewhere.”

“Actually,” You start, somewhat hesitant despite Yoongi’s presence lacking anything distant or intimidating. Still, it could be rude to involve yourself with his affairs, but you want to help him if you’re able. “If it’s okay, I wanted to know what happened too.” You say with a small voice, before continuing a little louder, quicker, “But because I was worried about it-- Not just because I wanted to hear gossip, or something.”

“Okay,” Yoongi’s bits of chuckling make your chest rumble free of nervousness. Instead somehow giving you a secure feeling that expands as he nods. “That’s right, you were worried yesterday when it happened.” You nod sincerely, biting your lip as Yoongi’s lip curl to smile softly. “Seulgi doesn’t really like me much.” He says frankly while a nod of his gestures for you to sit in the armchair beside the couch.

“To put it lightly,” Hoseok grumbles with a bitter voice as Yoongi sits centrally on the couch with him, “But why she doesn’t like you is just to save her own face.” He says towards Yoongi then turns his head to you as he explains his point, “She blames Yoongi for why I got kicked out of my company, even though it was my fault-- but between Yoongi and her it’s definitely her fault though. Yoongi didn’t have anything to do with it.”

You notice Yoongi’s face avoid looking towards Hoseok as he speaks, instead constricting in little bits of confliction you believe. Evidently not completely agreeing with what Hoseok tells you, and the thought of it confuses you more, because you can’t rationalize Yoongi taking part in Hoseok’s removal. It’s clear the friendship between them is strong, no animosity whatsoever-- even when there could have sprouted envy from the scandal of the year prior. Hoseok isn’t suspicious of Yoongi in the slightest, or irritated that he’s still successful while Hoseok himself struggles to start over. So it’s a wonder of why Yoongi appears unsatisfied with how Hoseok relates him to the issue.

“Why would she blame Yoongi?” You don’t think anything wrong of your question until Yoongi also looks towards you, both his eyes and Hoseok reflecting shock that confuses you. Then the tone of your words play over in your head and you realize you spoke like you were offended, baffled. Defensive of Yoongi.

“Because,” Hoseok begins, voice still taken back slightly, though the hollow smile of his lips let you think he’s humored by you more than anything. “She doesn’t think he did enough to help me out of what happened when I got kicked out. Did you keep up with it at all? I probably sound like I’m over-selling it, but a lot of articles went out about it.” He continues right along, casually like the situation doesn’t affect him any longer. Perhaps the period of stress already passed while Hoseok only focuses now on overcoming it.

You nod gently, wracking around your brain to recall the majority of the facts that were presented, “You both got caught on a date and your relationship got outted.” You don’t beat around, though your tone is simply factual. “I didn’t pay much attention to be honest though. I was kind of busy back then with my job.” You add on as you recall many nights during that time spent crammed into your home studio working on two different albums at a time, and only getting away from the job when Jimin came over periodically to make sure you took breaks.

“That was practically all that happened.” You startle from your thoughts when Yoongi gripes his opinion aloud, glaring towards the coffee table while Hoseok beside him shrugs, relaxing back into the cushion, like he knows Yoongi isn’t finished. “They were just dating privately, the public found out, and that’s the only truth of it all that happened. Everything else in the media was complete crap.”

“Admittedly,” Hoseok cuts in while Yoongi groans, fiddling with his unkempt hair. “That is basically all that happened between Seulgi and I.” You nod at Hoseok’s intention to soothe over the situation, while your eyes remain trailed rather apologetically towards Yoongi who appears far more irritated by the subject than Hoseok. “But she lied to them to save her and her group’s image.” You watch Yoongi sigh at the end of Hoseok’s softly spoken sentence, frowning more at stirring these memories. You interrupt gently,

“You both don’t have to tell me-- it obviously bothers you-”

Hoseok shakes his head, “I don’t mind. Besides when you pity me by the end of this all, it’ll feel worth it to explain.” His smile is incredibly teasing, tone joking, trying to alleviate any of the heavy atmosphere because truly Hoseok doesn’t feel the remnants of the past as painfully as he used to. You try to match his expression with a tiny smile of your own, but Yoongi doesn’t believe the sight as he bites his lip. Feeling a little bad for bothering you with the messy memories. “She basically told the media that-- because I’ve had my career longer than she did, that I manipulated her into the relationship.”

Hoseok nearly chuckles as you raise your eyebrows in shock at the words. Imagining how scrutinized the entirety of his career could’ve become with a malleable statement like that, you find it shocking to say the least. Even though you can’t say for sure, you assume the two of them had a nice relationship, and for Seulgi to cast all blame onto Hoseok in such a harmful manner, you’re stunned into silence, only reacting by your expression.

“She and I both knew each other since we were trainees.” Hoseok says, stopping as you scoff. Completely thrown off by how Seulgi was able to completely toss Hoseok aside, and say something so damaging-- when it’s clearly wrong if they’ve known each other from before fame. You’re continuously baffled, glancing towards Yoongi who looks at you just nodding his head to assert that what Hoseok said is true. “But anyways, I guess now that I’m trying to have a comeback, she wants to ease her guilt by getting our dear Yoongi here involved in her place.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, sighing because the thought alone tires him. He’s so fed up with all of the things she’s done to Hoseok that now extend as far as himself like he’s collateral. The extension only serves to further bother Yoongi about everything that Hoseok struggles to go through in order to fix the damage she caused.

“I don’t like her.” You say in the short silence, voice entirely disgusted, “No offense to your old feelings, Hoseok, but she sounds awful.” Yoongi can’t help smiling at his lap while you talk with contempt, finding your bluntness in the midst of heightened emotions consistent from the past instances he’s seen. Thinking it’s somehow an endearing quality.

“No offense taken. I don’t have feelings for her like that anymore anyways.” Hoseok smiles wide at your candor, happy at least that the mood isn’t so bleak anymore.

“Didn’t you say anything to defend yourself in the press though?”

“Well,” His smile crumbles, shifting into a more embarrassed and remorseful disposition when Hoseok rubs his neck sheepishly, “I was kind of stupid back then, and thought I was doing good for her by letting most of it go uncontested.” He chuckles hollowly, and you realize that this is the part of the memories he’s evidently not completely moved on from. You bite your lip, internally apologetic to the question. “That’s my own fault though.”

“No,” Yoongi cuts in quietly, yet firmly. His head shakes softly back and forth. “It’s not.”

You stop yourself from smiling fondly at Yoongi’s stance between Hoseok and an onslaught of self-blame. Entirely parallel of how he’s taken care of you through definitive speech assuring you that the trials you face aren’t create from your own error, Yoongi now glares at the idea that Hoseok put into the air. Obstinate against it when Hoseok tries to speak again and Yoongi instead voices, “Her misusing your feelings isn’t your fault.”

“I agree,” You say without realizing, watching the two of them glance back towards your direction when you inevitably bite your lip from speaking up. “Well,” Your word is nervous for a moment until you look at Yoongi and feel more sure. Finding Hoseok’s eyes again, you’re not doubtful as you try to back up Yoongi’s claim, “She shouldn’t have lied to the media in the first place just to save herself.”

“Oh, another addition to Yoongi’s hype squad for me?” Hoseok smiles gently as you finish your sentence, speaking his own with a jovial tone. You shrug, biting your lip and wondering shortly if you were too direct in how you spoke to him. “You know, when I heard he got tied into a fake relationship, I was kind of worried the person would be annoying.” You say nothing, instead biting your lip because initially you thought Yoongi hated you. “But you’re a nice person, Y/N. I’m glad it’s you.”

You grow silently surprised at Hoseok’s assessment of your character. Sending another glance in Yoongi’s direction that is matched by a tiny twist in your neck, you find him ready to meet you with just as tiny of a shrug. Slight smile almost floral in feeling. “He has to approve of even my fake girlfriends, I guess.” Yoongi explains in a gentle voice that’s sarcastic for Hoseok’s ears. You can’t help but smile in return as Yoongi’s words that play along imply in some ways that he thinks positively of you as well. Not that you doubted, but it is nice to see actively reinforced.

“I do!” Hoseok looks at Yoongi, nodding his head once in agreement, then back to you with a nod making full use of his chin to gesture to your person, “If Y/N hadn’t been cool, I would’ve gone and ruined more of my image trying to argue with your CEO.” Little bits of laughter escape your lips as you curl your knees further to your chest, comfortable with the two of them to feel like the conversation is wholly casual. “But I’ve bugged you both enough about my ex-- you both just woke up not too long ago, right? I’ll buy us lunch, let’s go out.”

You tense from surprise, your legs nearly kicking into yourself as you grip tighter when Hoseok all the sudden hops up from his seat on the couch. Pointing theatrically to you, then Yoongi, then himself, he speaks, “You both deserve it after dealing with my spiteful ex. I’ll drive too; let me just go to the bathroom real quickly.”

“You don’t have to join if you’re busy.” Yoongi tells you as Hoseok saunters down the hallway familiarly. You rest your chin on your knee thoughtful for a second to your calendar.

“I don’t have anything much to do anyways,” You mumble as you go over every hour as though your phone’s planner is in front of your eyes. “Oh-- but if you want it to be just the two of you…” Your voice trails off when Yoongi shakes his head, then leans it at an angle to rest against his palm. A smile plays at his lips when he speaks warmly,

“No, you can always feel free to tag along.” Your head nods unconsciously, finding his acceptance of your presence something to be proud of though you’re unsure why. Maybe because of how much you’ve looked up to his skills in your shares careers, maybe because of how much he’s helped you. Maybe because you enjoyed his company. “Ah,” He rubs his hair, somewhat light-hearted in voice as he adds sheepishly, “Well, I guess as long as you don’t mind pretending to be my girlfriend again though.”

You shrug, smiling towards Yoongi to assure him as you reply without a trace of disingenuity, “I’m used to it by now, Yoon.”

---

On a sunny day early in the following month, you sit sipping on an iced drink you picked up on the way to the company. Comfortably resting your arms on the pillow that sits on your crisscrossed lap, your head nods in tune with the beat of a song playing in soundproof headphones. In some moments to quickly place your cup to the coffee table, to scramble tiny notes on the notepad resting beside your thigh.

It’s the third time you’ve listened over the song in a row while Yoongi’s off finishing touch-ups on another song of his in the recording booth. Having spent the majority of the day in there, you brought along his preferred iced coffee drink that sits beside your own while you wait for him to come to his studio. Making use of the time, you’ve looked over the tiny playlist of in-progress tracks the two of you have messed around with for the past few weeks since the party.

Yoongi said you’re free to come to his studio whenever-- even gave you the passcode a while back-- justifying the great offer by saying he plans to release something from them so your help with any would be useful. You’re quite sure that in those stated truths also hid his way of giving you an outlet away from thinking of the collapse of your almost relationship with Jimin.

The method is effective to help, you’ve noticed. Along with Namjoon dragging you to his cafe to try concoctions he’s trying to decide on for future menus, while chatting with one another about nothing in particular, and Seokjin making all three of you do his random every-other-week activities, you’ve found the time outside of work filled well without giving you the time to dwell. And you’re thankful to the three of them for that. Especially considering Yoongi’s studio being a way to hideaway in the company itself.

It makes the hard to ponder memories invisible, though they’re left with the same mass. Undoubtedly something to cross again in time, but you think by then it’ll all be easier to handle. You’re hopeful of that idea.

In adding the finishing touch of notes for the current song, you watch a shadow envelope the paper you write on, but ignore Yoongi’s presence so the thought doesn’t leave. His shoes step in the corner of your peripherals, leading him to his chair as the last few lines of lyrics play in your ears. When you finally look up to see him, his hand is deep on top of his head, tossling locks of newly bleached hair as he sighs, though you can’t hear him. You remove his headphones to rest on your shoulders,

“Long session?” You question, reaching to swap your notepad with your drink, “Oh, I got you an Americano.” His head shifts at the mention of a deverage, and he rolls his seat over to grab it happily,

“Thank you-- need it.” Yoongi sips the beverage languidly through the straw, and you wonder if he actually went to sleep when he said he would the night before when you both were texting back in forth wrapped up in work independent of one another. “Yeah, I just couldn’t get the bridge to sound like I wanted.” Another sip disrupts the ice in the cup causing clatter. “Sorry, I took awhile.”

“I don’t mind.” You tell him, relaxing back into the couch where you stretch your legs out, catching the sight of different notifications on his computer as he wakes it. “Besides it’s not like any of the stuff we’re working on is legit.” Yoongi hums with the straw between his lips, lazily dragging his mouse around to check in on various emails and messages.

“Maybe if I could get my management team to ease up on the hardass image for me.” You notice the twinge in his calm tone while he ponders aloud, uncaring of how he disagrees with his public image. Trusting you with his complaints. “But either way, it’s nice making whatever without the pressure of releasing it eventually.”

You set your finished drink back on the coffee table, using a coaster still so the ice’s condensation doesn’t leave a ring. The idea of release sounds more inviting to your ears than you would like to admit, mainly because of how much you enjoy working on the tracks thus far. While Yoongi had the overall say due to the songs being ultimately his, they nonetheless have plenty of your touch mixed in that would likely be replaced in little bits if it were other producers working on them. At least in Yoongi’s case if something didn’t fit for him he’d tell you rather than letting you find out on the release date itself when you listen in along with the general public.

“By the way, I forgot to mention recently, but I’m going to be out of town for a couple of weeks.” Your head lifts stirring the hair framing your face. Yoongi returns the gaze, but the silence that takes over feels surprising to both of you. Subtle as it may be, there’s something disappointing about the news. “I have some fan meetings in a few countries to do around by debut anniversary time.” The explanation feels lackluster, not because it bothers him to go off to see fans-- Yoongi definitely enjoys connecting with those who listen to and support his work. You nod at his words, uncertain yourself of what to say.

Maybe it’s because the past couple of months you’ve seen him practically every day that the idea Yoongi will be gone for two weeks feels odd. In your head you question what you’ll do around the time spent working for the company. You’ll likely not even have to show up to work during that time, capable of doing everything from your apartment.

“What day do you leave?” You wonder how you never heard of his departure before this. Knowing fan meetings are organized well in advance, knowing that Yoongi wouldn’t have actually forgotten to mention it this far in.

“This coming Tuesday.” Six days off and he’s just now mentioning it. You nod again, considering why he waited so long. A type of consideration? You smile a little, ready to joke it off if you were wrong,

“Were you worried about telling me because I’d be alone here at the company?”

Yoongi shakes his head a little, not combating your question with light sarcasm or laughter, showing you that you’re at least some correct in your presumption. The drink you brought him gets placed beside his keyboard, Yoongi turning his chair towards you properly as he admits easily, “Not completely, but,” He shrugs, “It was a thought.”

“I’ll be okay.” Your voice sounds sure, and you feel the same energy. “Bit bored maybe.” Yoongi’s lips cast upwards into a smile, relaxed by your tone and feeling silly that he worried about it in the first place. “I’m used to kinda being on my own here anyways, and besides I have Joon and Jin to go bother if I get really bored.”

“And me.” Yoongi’s words follow the end of your sentence, firm in how he speaks to set the point across clearly. You pause, considering intention only for a second because it sounds different how he places himself into the group. “You don’t have to get bored, you can text or call whenever.”

You bite your inner cheek, trying to push back the tiniest flutter developing from how his voice sounds entirely gentle and sweet. Yoongi likely isn’t even aware of his effect, but like usual he’s a comforting presence. “Yeah, and you.”

Yoongi smiles when the outline of gratitude makes your own lips curl upright, but you duck your chin a little into the cover over the crossed arms you left perched atop your knees. He just continues in the soft expression, continuing along with a shrug, “Plus you know the code to my studio, so you can come in here whenever. I make it sound like I’m leaving for a year. So dramatic.” You giggle as Yoongi rubs the base of his neck and avoids eye contact for a moment because of sudden fluster emitting in his throat that he worries may escape visually onto his face.

“I should get you a cake or something for your debut anniversary.” You say to break away his embarrassment, though it’s a refreshing sight to witness. “I actually bake really well, isn’t that shocking?”

“So shocking since you burnt your leftovers in your oven the other day.” Your eyebrows furrow at his teasing tone while your lips pout at the memory. “You complained about it to me-”

“Anyways,” You cut him off with a smile to which Yoongi just shakes his head and chuckles. Reclining in his seat he listens to you continue brightly, “Vanilla cake with strawberry cream cheese frosting. It’ll be pink and pretty. Sound enticing?”

“It does in fact,” He nods slowly amused by your confidence in your baking capabilities. “You don’t need to though, it probably takes a lot of work.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Don’t be humble, you deserve it for seven years in the industry.” You point to yourself, trying to continue in the light-hearted banter while you reinforce, “Just think of it as a fan from day one giving her favorite artist a gift, okay?”

“Fan.” Yoongi laughs, finally reclaiming his iced Americano after many of the cubes melted to half their sizes. “I don’t think of you as a fan, that’s impossible,” Yoongi murmurs taking a long sip, as you audibly huff and think of a new way to put it. “But since you’re insisting then it’s okay. Don’t worry if you get too busy though.”

“I won’t, I’m pretty free other than business as usual around here.” You say happy to hear him verbally accept, even though you planned to make him the gift in any case. You sit back contemplating the shape while Yoongi just chuckles mumbling something to himself about you doing things however you like no matter what he says. “Oh,” You reconsider your calendar, biting your lip at the particular day coming up during Yoongi’s absence. Timely occurrence in retrospect.

“What?” Yoongi notices the change in your eyes that narrow as you think over your upcoming two weeks without him. You shake your head slightly, trying to rationalize the event. It’s just business and not something to worry about, but now that the time has come so much closer, the two options of what you could do play in your mind cluttering your thoughts from answering him for a minute. You eventually frown, stirring worried bubbles in Yoongi’s chest that don’t settle as you shake it away to smile up at him sheepishly,

“I just remembered I have a meeting to start discussing my contract renewal next Friday.”

Yoongi hears more of the ice in his drink clatter as it melts. The news is unexpected to his ears entirely having not known that your contract with SoundWave would end this year. He considers your job and how much anguish it gives you to be unable to have recognition for anything you do. He also considers Jimin’s presence and how much it likely hurts to see him around the company, to still work with him.

Realizing you’re much more talented than what this company deserves considering your treatment, Yoongi almost feels the need to tell you not to renew and leave. Find better work, but he knows that’s a gamble as unlikely as winning the lottery. Even if you leave there’s no certainty of work elsewhere, especially not to the degree that you receive presently. When your repertoire is practically empty of accomplishment. Despite Yoongi not being in your position, he feels trapped thinking of a way to change it.

“Are you going to renew?” Yoongi asks you gently, the question liken more closely to an accidental thought than a real inquisition. He watches in dismay as your shoulders simply shrug in response, understanding that the reality of the upcoming meeting will certainly bother you more than the ramifications of your situation with Jimin ending. If anything add greatly to it. And he’s not going to be around to help you with it in person.

“Yeah, I’m going to.” Your statement ends the drought of words. The information makes Yoongi’s shoulders tense, somewhat surprised that you already have an answer of what you plan to do. To the majority of people it’s the most logical, economical-- safe of the two choices available to you. But it feels constricting in his chest to hear you say those words.

Yoongi recalls Hoseok letting the media destroy his image and now watches you say you’re going to let your career go unnoticed because of SoundWave’s manipulation. Each situation is different, but watching his friends powerless to bigger forces around them makes Yoongi’s fists clench, irritated. He sighs to himself, really at a loss of what to tell you that could be of any use, because there’s really no contest between the two options.

Your ears pick up on the sound of Yoongi sighing in dissatisfaction. You know it’s not aimed at your choice, but likely the thoughts in his head that presently make him stare towards the wall with his eyebrows hardened. Like Namjoon, he doesn’t want you to come to that decision. But you have a feeling both know there’s little for you not signing the paper again.

You’re unwilling to give up doing what you love for a living, even if the situation isn’t ideal.

“I think,” You start timidly, watching Yoongi’s eyes flick towards you intently paying attention. “I’m probably going to take up your offer to call you a few times… So sorry in advance if I get annoying by doing it too much.”

“You won’t,” Yoongi brushes his bands from his face, head shaking at the idea and that you still worry about those kinds of things with him. “I like talking with you, it’s not going to bother me.”

“You like talking to me?” You repeat hearing that your voice sounds higher from the surprise-- flattered. Yoongi’s open mouth shuts, contemplating if the phrasing sounded weird, but he just shrugs and nods, once again avoiding eye contact for the sake of embarrassment.

“Yeah.” He just says, rubbing his face, “Well, we’re friends--why wouldn’t I?”

“Yeah,” You can’t stop the smile on your face despite the pink blossoming around the site, “I’m honored-”

“Don’t tease me.” You laugh at him cutting off your sentence with a tiny growl of words, thinking Yoongi seems really endearing when he’s flustered by things he clearly didn’t think through saying. “I was going to get you dinner to pay back for the drink, but now I don’t know if I want to.” You hear him speaking like a warning as you continue to laugh softly, all the while Yoongi stands and rubs his face.

“Dinner is equivalent to a three dollar Americano?” You watch him with a testing smile, voice light-hearted. Yoongi shrugs as he sits beside you on the couch, intending to finally see your notes on the songs you’ve been working on.

“If I buy at McDonald’s it is.”

if you enjoy please, please let me know via ask, comment, rb with tags-- however ! i’d just really appreciate feedback 🥺 i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )

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[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #63: The Sleeping Prince. What if…Oscar falls into a deep sleep for the Merging of the Two Souls?

‘Sup FNDM fam! Happy New Year from the squiggle meister! For my first theory post of 2019, since Oscar is a perfect little prince now (hypothetically speaking), consider this for a sec. 

What if...for the Merge, Oscar suddenly falls unconscious, putting him out of commotion for when the heroes begin to commence their plan to commandeer an Atlesian airship with the group unsure of what to do to wake him back up.

As Jaune said last episode, they're not leaving for Atlas without Oscar. But what would they do if the Merge suddenly happens and he’s temporarily unable to aid them with their plan for Atlas?

In the fairy tales, it's usually a kiss of true love that awakes the sleeping princesses from their eternal slumber. If Oscar is expected to fall to sleep during the Merge (because I honestly can't picture him being conscious while unceremoniously merging), imagine if… it's love that ultimately wakes him up. Not necessarily from a kiss per say but I have this little hunch where Oscar will start to merge with Ozpin but it’s the love he feels both for and from the teammates he’s grown to care about that keeps him from resisting the part of the process that’s meant to make him disappear entirely; if that makes sense.

Remember the God of Light’s warning to Ozma before his first reincarnation? He told him that where he sought comfort, he will only find pain. In a sense, you can say the God of Light’s heed to Ozma happened twice within the cycle. For Ozma it occurred in his first reincarnation as Diggs after Salem, the former love of his life---the mother of his children---the woman he had refused the peace of the afterlife to return to, killed him with her very own hands as a final sign that she had lost herself to the darkness.

And for Ozpin, it was recently when his own allies turned their backs on him after promising they wouldn’t upon learning the truth. The first deceit came from Lionheart, a friend and member of Oz’s very own inner circle of trusted lieutenants. The second came from the group of young heroes whose lives he had promised to protect and guide. Even Qrow, a former student and long-time friend of Oz who completely devoted to him, turned his back to him and it is his words that made the old wizard turn to grief and isolation for the third time in his many lives (counting Ambroise and Emmanuel---the second and third reincarnations).

Who knows? Perhaps this will be a sign that Oscar is potentially doomed to meet the same fate being challenged by that same love and comfort in others that has left his predecessors crushed by grief? I’m not saying that the heroes will hurt Oscar (at least, not now after what transpired when they thought he went missing). But I can somehow imagine Oscar meeting a dishevelled and grief-stricken Ozpin again within his mental mind palace or Dreamscape and having the older soul mock his young successor for getting himself attached to the love and comfort he feels from the heroes. Imagine…that love and trust is what Oscar will hold onto as a lifeline to keep him from losing himself completely to the Merge?

While I’m aware that Oscar has come to accept his fate now, I can’t help but still feel like that’s all a front from Oscar. It could be just my interpretation, though. It’s just the way how he spoke in V6 C8 gave me the impression that Oscar had technically given up on wanting to resist the Merge while subtly foreshadowing that it could happen this same volume.

“…These past few days, I’ve been scared of the same things you were. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be…me. But I did some thinking and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left…”

It wouldn’t surprise me if in a later episode; Oscar does begin the Merge with Ozpin and will reunite with him in his mind for it. Don’t want to anticipate too much but it is a strong possibility of it happening especially since they do have the model of Professor Ozpin. I doubt they just made that for the opening. I feel like Oscar is going to meet Ozpin face to face in his mind and when he does, I think the two souls will have a confrontation that could either be just them standing around and talking (like Raven and Yang in the V5 finale) or end in them literally squaring off against each other in an all-out showdown. We’ve already seen two Maidens duke it out.

Will we get to see the two souls fight next?

I would think we should since it’s something that’s been foreshadowed since the first volume. I love the idea of Oscar literally fighting the Merge. Fighting Ozpin and fighting against losing himself. The thing that has always been hinted about the Man with Two Souls is them fighting for control. So maybe this will be part of the Merge? Oscar fighting against Ozpin for the chance to remain as himself.

We know Oscar has accepted disappearing one day but...what if… it's the love he feels from the team that convinces him he needs to fight to be himself. What if...Ruby shares another Rosebuds bonding moment with Oscar where she basically tells him to fight to be him. And since these words come from the girl we know Oscar greatly admires, it’ll hold a lot of weight and meaning in Oscar’s eyes.  

I didn’t particularly like how Oscar told everyone that he was going to disappear soon and everyone was…I guess, so clouded by their relief of him being safe to feel the full weight of his words in that moment.

I just found the fact that there is Oscar basically talking to group like he’s going to technically sort of die soon (I mean it pretty much had that final farewell sort of tone to it, for sure) and everyone is all happy smiles. Like…what? Why are you smiling? Yes, this is a happy moment but what’s being said and foreshadowed isn’t so…again why didn’t we get the characters briefly looking unhappy when Oscar brought disappearing only to perk up when he showed them that even though it’s bad, he’s still determined to do his best like the best boy he is? I dunno. It was a little weird moment for me and one of my gripes with this episode.

I think eventually when things simmer down and once the Merge actually legit starts happening before the team’s very eyes where Oscar gets down because of the Merge, that’s when the others will start to see the light of the child’s words and begin to truly panic about losing him.

Another thing that needs to be addressed are the group’s feelings now about Ozpin. Following the events of C5-C9 and now that Oscar has become an official valued member of the group (as himself), how does the group feel about Oz? This is why I found the happy-go-lucky smiles when Oscar mentioned disappearing for good to be off putting. The group do realize that if Oscar disappears for good, technically that could spell the team being back with Ozpin…kind of…sort of…maybe-ish. I dunno. I just want to know how the group feel about Oz now? Did Oscar’s disappearance also help them to forgive Ozpin too?

I don’t think that is the case which is why I hope it gets addressed in the remaining 5 episodes.

Overall, I just want Oscar to fight to be himself you guys. This is just my opinion here but personally, Oscar has been way too accepting of his fate. I understand that merging with Ozpin is a destiny that Oscar can’t run from. I understand that fully but…I still feel like he should want to fight to be himself if he could help it y’know what I mean? I don’t know if that’s possible or if it’s impossible for Oscar to not fight against losing himself. But nevertheless, I just want Oscar to fight to be him and for someone to tell him to fight to be him. Because Oscar is pretty great.

Plus I think that’ll be the be all end all to both Oscar and Ozpin’s conjoined stories, right? Either Ozpin’s run will conclude this volume and Oscar will take his place on the cast moving forward as his successor, now complete with his memories, knowledge, skills and magical capabilities (hopefully) while still retaining his personality.

So picture …Oscar accepting his fate but also fighting it at the same time. He wants to be a Wizard of Light like the others before him. He still wants to do everything in his power to fight to protect humanity and stop Salem once and for all. But he will not lose himself. So ...rather than Ozpin absorbing Oscar and his mind becoming dominant, it's the opposite where Ozpin becomes a part of Oscar while the former farm boy still gets to be himself.

Basically what some fans have been saying since the beginning that Oz will disappear and become a part of Oscar with our Barn Prince still remaining as himself but gaining all the memories and skills of Ozpin and all the Wizards before him.

Or…Oscar and Ozpin will fuse and this new fusion will be a perfect blend of them both signifying a perfect alignment between the two soul where it doesn’t feel like one has eclipsed the other. It’s both but at the same time it’s not them. Someone entirely new who is as much Oscar as the original while still having some essence of Ozpin in there.

Whatever the outcome, I do think the Merge could be a plot point set for the final few episodes of V6. Emphasis on could. But if it does happen, only then will Oscar’s true fate be decided once and for all. Either that or it gets delayed and Oscar goes into the Atlas Arc now fighting against Ozpin to let the Merge fully take him over. Who knows?

That's just me. Don’t know if you guys would agree or disagree. But anyways, as always, these are just my thoughts and theories. I guess we’ll see what the Writers got cooking for us when C10 premieres this Saturday.

More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 9

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 3109 (Chapter 9 / 12)

Fic Summary: A successful operation and good prognoses for his own and Raphael's recovery made Sam believe this would finally be the turnpoint for their bad luck. However, he's quickly realizing they still have a long way to go when Lucifer calls him in the middle of the night, asking for shelter.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

 The next day, everything went much faster than Sam had expected. At eight, a nurse came into their room and explained the procedure - Sam and Raphael would be operated at the same time, but doctor Francis would take over Raphael as soon as the kidney was ready to transplant and Sam would be done a bit sooner. The two boys nodded in agreement and smiled at each other. They came to pick them both up about ten minutes later and Sam saw how damn nervous Lucifer was. Sam assured him again that everything would be alright before he was rolled out too and Lucifer nodded weakly in return.

 The anaesthetist showed up quickly, explaining to Sam that he would be asleep in a bit and that the doctor would take good care of him, but he wasn’t very worried. He had talked a lot with doctor Francis and the man seemed to be very good at his job; Sam trusted him with this. All he asked for was that they’d do their best and the anaesthetist promised him that they would. Sam thought the injection of the anaesthetic was the worst, after that it only took a few minutes before his eyes began to feel heavy and he slowly drifted away into a dreamless, deep slumber.

 When Sam began to regain his consciousness around three hours later, it was a slow process and it felt strange because he knew he was conscious again, but he still couldn’t give any sign that he actually was. There was a certain pressure at his left hand, as if someone was holding and squeezing it frequently, but he didn’t know who it was. He liked the feeling, however. It was kind of reassuring and helped him wake up sooner, even if it sounded weird. It took another twenty minutes before Sam finally managed to open his eyes completely, which was a huge effort and he immediately realized that he felt very weak and worn out. Still, he had never been more relieved to wake up.

 “Sam!” a familiar voice sounded and not even a second later Lucifer’s face appeared and the pressure at his hand came back. “Finally, you’re awake! I was starting to worry.”

 “I lived, bitch…” Sam croaked weakly and with a cracking voice. Despite that, Lucifer smiled.

 “Yeah, you sure do,” he chuckled.

 Lucifer sat down next to the bed and gave Sam the time to properly wake up, even though it was still more of a half-awake, half-asleep state he remained in for a while. Sam didn’t notice that, however. He was content for the moment, that was what mattered.

 “The nurse said everything went well,” Lucifer smiled at Sam at one point, squeezing his hand again. “Raphael will be done soon too. It’ll be okay, like you said.”

 “Of course it’ll be,” Sam smiled silly and patted Lucifer’s hand with his free one. “You should listen to me, you know? I know what I’m talking about.”

 “Apparently,” Lucifer replied with a smirk. “How do you feel?”

 “Funny,” Sam said and chuckled. “It tickles… you know, down there.” He jerked his head a bit, signing into the direction of his hips. “Feels a bit empty too, but that’s fine.”

 “I’m sure it’ll be okay again soon,” Lucifer assured him. “You did something amazing today, Sam. I can’t tell you how happy I am about your decision.”

 “Oh please,” Sam waved his hand weakly. “If it were the other way around I’m sure you would’ve done the same. He’ll be okay, right? That’s all that matters.”

 “You’re truly a number,” Lucifer said and patted Sam’s hand gently. “You gave Raph another chance, I can’t thank you enough for that.”

 “Forget it,” Sam grinned. “He deserves it.”

 Before Lucifer could answer the door to the recovery room opened and two nurses brought in the second patient. Lucifer gave Sam a quick glance, who nodded in return and then quickly rushed to Raphael’s side.

 “Did everything go well?” he immediately asked, taking one of his hands.

 “Yes,” the nurse, Karen, replied with a bright smile. “Doctor Francis will come here in a few minutes to talk to you, but everything went perfectly fine. He’ll be better soon.”

 Lucifer’s relief couldn’t have been more visible when the nurses left. Sam knew he wasn’t fully conscious yet, but even he could see that. And while he looked at Lucifer, he felt a strange and new warmth crawl up in his chest. He didn’t know where it came from, but he figured it came from the happiness he felt about Raphael’s successful surgery. The two were silent until the doctor finally came, Sam focused on looking at the brothers and Lucifer on paying attention to Raphael.

 “The surgery was a great success!” Doctor Francis exclaimed as he walked in.

 “So, they’ll be alright?” Lucifer asked and doctor Francis nodded.

 “We are very positive about that. Raphael will wake up soon, when he does we will have to go through some tests again, but the kidney already began to work after we transplanted it, so we’re very optimistic.”

 “That didn’t happen before,” Lucifer said quietly and looked at his brother.

 “Yes and it’s a good sign. It means his body accepts the new kidney so far.”

 “Doctor,” Sam said, drawing the man’s attention at him. “Will he be able to leave again soon?”

 “He’ll have to stay here for a while longer, but if everything goes well he’ll be able to leave within a month.”

 “Awesome.” Sam smiled and laid back down on the pillow.

 “Thank you, doctor!” Lucifer said and jumped up, taking the man’s hand. “You saved my brother’s life, I can’t thank you enough!”

 “It was my pleasure,” doctor Francis smiled and grabbed Lucifer’s hand tightly. “Now, let’s wait for him to recover, so you all can go back to your normal life, shall we?.”

 Lucifer nodded and Sam smiled over in his bed.

 The following week, the two boys stayed in the same room. Raphael had to undergo several tests for the first few days, but he never complained and always assured Sam that he felt much better than after his last transplant - Sam only had to be examined every few days, to make sure the stitches were healing well. Lucifer was there almost the entire time, which obviously helped both boys to feel better.

 During this week, Sam unconsciously began to enjoy Lucifer’s presence. Not in an emotional way, but in a physical one. He was used to having the blond around at least once a day, but being in the same room for so long and talking and interacting as much as they did kind of made it almost normal that he was there. He couldn’t explain it any better, but Lucifer kind of grew on him. When the doctor told Sam that he was free to leave, he was actually a little sad.

 “Cheer up, buttercup,” Lucifer grinned when the doctor had left. “You can come visit us whenever you want.”

 “Yeah, I’m gonna do that,” Sam smiled. Raphael was reading a book at the moment, so he used the opportunity to do something he wanted to for a while already. “Hey, Lucifer, can we talk alone for a moment?”

 “Sure?” Lucifer replied a little confused. “I’ll be right back, Raph.”

 “Take your time,” Raphael mumbled, almost whispering, completely drawn into the world in his hands.

 After Lucifer had closed the door behind them, Sam decided to not sugar coat anything and get to the point right away.

 “You can’t live like this any longer,” he said seriously, earning an even more confused glance.

 “What do you mean?”

 “You live around half an hour away from here, with a taxi, don’t you?” Sam asked. “You keep going back home and come here every day, that must be draining. And you keep going back to your dad, that’s bad too.”

 “If you have a better solution just tell me,” Lucifer huffed. “I can’t afford to stay here every night.”

 “Of course I have one, just sleep at my dorm room,” Sam suggested. “I have no roommate, so why not? It’s only twenty minutes away if you walk, it’s much closer.”

 “Are you asking me to live with you?” Lucifer asked and raised a brow. “Are you drunk?”

 “I’m just being rational, Lucifer,” Sam sighed. “I have the space and I need to go back anyways, so why not? There’s a spare bed, you won’t have to see your dad and we can get back to campus in the evening together. I don’t see a problem, really.”

 “Sam, seriously..:” Lucifer stopped himself from continuing, shook his head and tried again. “Look, I’m flattered you suggest this, but don’t you think that’s taking it a bit too far? Won’t you get into trouble?”

 “Not really,” Sam shrugged. “I can have a guest for up to five days and really, they don’t give a shit. I didn’t get a roommate for months and if they do pair me up with one we’ll find another solution. I’m not asking you to jump your bones, okay? I just wanna help you out to see your brother more easily.”

 “Well, thanks,” Lucifer smirked and scratched his neck. “I have to admit it sucks going back home since dad is there again. I’d love some nights without his bullshit, really.”

 “Then why not?” Sam asked. “You can leave whenever you want, no problem. And I’m not gonna party, I can assure you that.”

 “I’m sure you don’t,” Lucifer laughed. “So, you really mean it, yeah?”

 “Sure,” Sam shrugged. “I don’t mind a roommate that knows how to behave, if you won’t bring girls to the room every night or smoke pot we’re good.”

 “Yeah, none of that, really, ” Lucifer grinned. “I prefer my silence.”

 “Just think about it then, okay?” Sam suggested. “Might take some stress away after all.”

 “Yeah, that’s true,” Lucifer smiled. “I’ll think about it, promised.”

 “That’s all I ask for.”

 Sam knew his offer was weird and very surprising, but he had no ulterior motives when suggesting this. Talking with Lucifer throughout the last week made it clear that the blond hated going back to his dad every night - if Sam had the chance to change that, why not take it?

 “Just tell me if you wanna come over, okay?” Sam asked, smiling. “You got my number, just call and I’ll get your bed ready.”

 “Thank you, Sam,” Lucifer smiled back. “I really appreciate it.”

 Sam nodded, satisfied for the moment with Lucifer’s answer. He didn’t expect Lucifer to agree right away of course, but he knew the other didn’t want to go back to his dad again and again, it was very obvious. If Lucifer wanted to take his offer, he’d let him know.

 Since he was allowed to leave and really had to catch back up with school, Sam said goodbye to the brothers in the evening. It was Thursday by now and it was of no use to go back to class for one day, so Sam decided to use the day he had and the upcoming weekend to take care of the most important things. When he left he wasn’t sure if Lucifer would accept his offer or not - he was still very hesitant about it - but Sam assured him again that it would be fine if he’d call any time he wanted to. He promised Raphael to be back on Friday or Saturday, depending on the work he had to do, and left when the sun began to set.

 Coming back rather late meant Sam walked through empty corridors, but it was nothing he minded at all. It was actually very relieving to not answer any questions or be held back by someone wanting to chat. When he finally arrived at his room he didn’t feel like catching up with his work though, so he laid down and almost immediately fell asleep. The hospital bed had been fine, but sleeping in his own bed was a whole different thing and Sam didn’t realize how much he had missed it until he pulled the blanket up and closed his eyes.

 Sam was ripped forcefully out of his peaceful slumber, however, when his phone suddenly rang. He didn’t bother checking the time before taking the call, didn’t even wake up properly, until he heard the voice at the other end.

 “Sam? Were you serious with your offer?”

 Sam blinked and sat up in his bed, finally glancing over at his clock that revealed it was shortly after two in the morning. He quickly shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

 “Yeah, of course,” he replied.

 “Well, I might have to take you up on that.”

 “Okay, yeah, just come over whenever.” Sam was surprised, but he wasn’t going to back out on his offer. “I’ll get everything ready and-”

 “Doesn’t matter,” Lucifer interrupted him and only now Sam realized how heavy his voice sounded. “Can you come outside? I’m already here.”

 “Shit, really?” Sam jumped out of bed almost right away. “Okay, gimme a minute to get dressed, alright? Where are you? I’m gonna pick you up.”

 “Right in front of the dorm door, sorry for waking you up.”

 “Oh forget it, I’ll be there in a minute!”

 It turned out to be five minutes instead, but Sam hurried the best he could. He even went out of his room bare-chested and only slipped into his shirt on the way downstairs. The call was surprising enough, but the tone of the other’s voice was more worrying than the time he called, and when Sam opened the door and his eyes fell on a rain-drenched Lucifer he knew that this was more of an emergency than he thought at first. Not only was the blond soaked from head to toes, but his face showed that he had a pretty rough time before, as once again a black eye began to form and his left cheek was decorated with a huge cut. Sam also spotted strange markings on Lucifer’s neck and throat, which looked even worse to him.

 “Lucifer, my God!” Sam grabbed Lucifer’s arm and pulled him inside as fast as he could and closed the doors behind them. “What on earth happened to you?”

 “I guess it was a bad idea  to ask my drunk-ass dad if he planned to shut up anytime soon because I wanted to sleep,” Lucifer grinned and Sam had never wanted to punch him more in his life. Instead, he shook his head and pulled Lucifer inside and into the direction of his room.

 “You’ve got a death wish, seriously,” Sam said on the way, unable to stop shaking his head. “Why do you even provoke him? You know he won’t hesitate to use his fists!”

 “Because he’s a bastard that deserves it?”

 “And you deserve this or what?”

 Lucifer merely shrugged as an answer, which Sam took as a sign that he didn’t want to talk about this any longer. Luckily they didn’t meet anyone on their way, so when they finally arrived at Sam’s room no one noticed the breaking of the house rules - which clearly stated no overnight guests - and he could lock the door in peace.

 “Just look at you,” Sam eventually sighed when they were safe inside. “Now I have to patch you up again and you’ll surely scare Raphael tomorrow!”

 “Sorry for causing you so much trouble,” Lucifer said, to which Sam had no reply. He wanted to be mad, really, but after everything they’ve been through he just couldn’t. Apparently Lucifer’s bad behavior had grown on him as much as the good part, not something he had expected but there was nothing to do about it now.

 After patching Lucifer up the best he could and making the bed ready for him it was already past three, but Sam didn’t mind much. Lucifer kept assuring him that it was nothing and that he wouldn’t stay long, but to be honest the brunet prepared for the opposite. Because showing up at two in the morning on his doorstep, with nothing more than the things he wore and a black eye? That wasn’t what he called nothing.

 “You’ll stay here as long as you have to,” Sam said sternly as he finished off the bed. “If you think I’ll let you go back to that man you are dead wrong.”

 “Did you suddenly become my legal guardian?” Lucifer asked with a chuckle, to which Sam gave him a stern glare.

 “Do you wanna test me?” he asked, raising a brow. “Or do you wanna go back to that man and take a few more blows?”

 “Nope, I’m fine staying here,” Lucifer quickly said and shook his head. “I’m very glad you didn’t just hang up on me, really.”

 “I’d never do that,” Sam sighed and sat down on his bed, while Lucifer did the same with the newly made one. “I offered you to stay here after all.”

 “I bet you didn’t think I’d take your offer at such an inhumane time, huh?”

 “Not really,” Sam said and yawned behind his hand. “But I didn’t think I would be so okay with it either, so I guess it’s alright.”

 “I promise I won’t bother you much,” Lucifer said seriously. “I’ll be with Raphael most of the time, you’ll barely see me.”

 “I don’t mind seeing you, really,” Sam shrugged. “I kinda got used to your presence. As long as you don’t snore or wake me up at five in the morning we’ll be fine.”

 “I’ll try to keep the snoring to a minimum,” Lucifer smirked and made himself comfortable on the second bed. “But I can say that I got used to your presence too. You’re not half as bad as I thought you were.”

 “Thanks,” Sam laughed and laid back down. “You’re not either. And now, let’s try to get a few hours of sleep, okay?”

 Lucifer nodded and Sam took that as a sign to turn off the lights. He had said the truth when he told Lucifer he didn’t mind, but he was still very tired, there was no denying that, and Lucifer seemed to be in desperate need of some sleep himself. It didn’t feel strange that they were sleeping in the same room again, even though this time they were alone. He had gotten kind of used to having Lucifer around and even now in this unfamiliar situation it was alright with Sam. Of course it was clear that they would need to talk, but that could wait until the next morning.

[ac-ars]

Oh my, my, my

it’s been 84 years, or even longer, my laptop kept being freezing bitch and didn’t want to work so i had to backup all shit, but it doesn’t matter, im close to failing physics, and idc as well, because this is finally done lol

thanks to people who were telling me i am not shit while writing this ily all

also!!!! pedro used here isn’t the pedro from rollerband please remember this

anyway have fun with physics teacher asshole Matteo here

Oh my, my, my

If you ask Luna Valente what she likes the most in the guy who is teaching her physics, she will not be able to answer. There is no full, logical answer for this question, because Luna simply can’t tell what about Matteo Balsano is the hottest, or more like, hotter than the rest.

She had thought that her college experience was going to be filled with parties her friends make her to go when she wants to stay home, hangovers and headaches, sleeping during boring, morning lectures and a fuck ton of studying. All those things above have been happening so far, ever since she stepped into the building of her faculty, but damn, it’s been three years and now he happened, changing whole studies imagine to the worst and the best thing Luna could have ever made up in her mind.

She has been dreading physics classes for quite long time; in highschool she wasn’t the best when it came to science, but here she is on engineering faculty and physics is kind of inevitable on engineering faculties, isn’t it? So she had to take it anyway.

It was expected that physics is going to kill her in every possible way: tire her, confuse and ruin her, turn her brain into the jelly, yet Luna would never think that the problem wouldn’t be in physics itself.

Currently she is having troubles in physics class because of her ta, who makes her the least and the most focused when he talks. And suddenly his class became Luna’s favorite class ever.

The thing is that he chose her. They have group president, yet he wanted someone who doesn’t talk much, still knows everyone and has no kind of responsibilities on their shoulders, and that’s how Luna turned into his private group post pigeon to share any stuff that needs to be shared.

She has his email in case he is stuck in morning traffic and can’t get to class on time. He uses it to give them notes after any topic and exercises to solve before the tests. It’s mostly because his lazy ass is too lazy to create mail group, but whatever. Why would Luna complain about any extra time or contact with him? She doesn’t have his phone number, and hopes he is never gonna give it to her; it wouldn’t be any good idea, because she would end up texting him something weird and lame like your shirt would look great on the floor in my bedroom after alcohol.

Still, she is doing better than all her friends who are crushing on him, trying to find some ways to seduce him or some shit, yet Luna is really above this all mentality, since she is very self conscious, enough to chill and stop believing in some crazy, hot fantasies, focusing more on what she can see instead. Not on what could someday happen, what she could do to him or with him. Her imagination is all she needs at this point. Besides, Matteo doesn’t seem to be the one to make any move towards any of the students anyway.

Hands. His hands are currently roaming her back with softness, yet quickly because he can’t get enough of her. His eyes are closed finally; he decided to learn her without any help of his sight, using other senses instead and looks like he is going to memorize all of her. His lips. His lips are moving on hers urgently, trying to get as much as possible from her, as if the whole universe is depending on this very kiss they share, but Luna doesn’t mind; she is willing to give him as much as possible.

He is pressing her to his desk with his hips, like he is scared that she is going to run away, but cursed the one who would ever say something like this, because Luna Valente isn’t the one to avoid any chance of getting at least a tiny bit of Matteo Balsano. She pulls away for a second to take single breath, since he doesn’t let her take another, needing more and more. His teeth close on her lower lip making her hiss softly, but he only smirks and moves away before letting her go. His eyes are dark, dark, black, even though she has always been sure of their sweet brown color, and are making her crazier than all of his touches.

Her fingers slide up his arms slowly, trying to feel the shape of his muscles moving when he tries to unclasp her bra from under her blouse. Shivers keep going down her spine since his hands are cold, almost sobering her, yet not quite and every of his movements makes her wake up from this crazy moment, but takes her back at the same time. She reaches his shoulders and his neck before tangling her fingers in his soft, soft hair which she has always wanted to touch, checking if it’s like she imagined all those times before.

He still demands more; his mouth gets hungrier and more careful so Luna just kinda slows down playing with buttons of his shirt. He smiles against her lips, letting her know how much he wants her to keep going and all she can do now is starting to undo the buttons slowly while his mouth ends up on her neck, kissing her skin as properly as he kissed her lips. Her heart is beating too hard for him not to feel it, but nobody here seems to care about it as long as the moment isn’t interrupted by anything. She is letting out small, soft sighs as his lips tickle her skin, his tongue is teasing from time to time and his fingers try to sneak their way under her skirt.

This is all she needs from the world, so, dear stars, if someone is going to ruin this-

“Jesus Christ, Luna, could you please stop eyefucking him finally?” She feels an elbow in her ribs, which makes her jump and very gracefully push her hardcover notebook off the desk to the floor. Obviously, it does make loud thump and now everyone is staring at her, while Pedro is giggling under his breath and she is so going to murder him one day. She just looks at the notebook, not sure what to do something; if do something at all, but of course he has to get into the whole moment.

“Luna, is everything okay?” Matteo asks with his soft, smooth voice that has her shivering in many fantasies and she already feels like melting into small paddle of blushing mess.

But she doesn’t. She gives him small nod, obviously, she has to keep it cool no matter what, despite the fact that she can’t move. Her brain isn’t really helping her in those moments; daydreaming is very, very bad, especially in class when he is real in front of her eyes and all she can do is try to keep her heart beating in any rhythm. He is looking at her with raised eyebrows, kind of amused eyes and small smile. When she doesn’t do any move, hearing Pedro’s snickers obviously, Matteo moves away from his desk and walks slowly towards her, frowning after few steps, and she just wants to disappear in the very moment he picks up her notebook and places it on her desk.

“Are you sure you are fine?” He asks once more and Luna’s head is blank. “Yes, I’m just-”

“She was studying whole night and she is super slow today, so don’t mind her.” Pedro jumps in, grinning completely casually and Matteo sighs. Luna keeps nodding continuously and notices how her friend kicks the chair of girl sitting in front of them and she jumps, exclaiming loudly. “Yes! We were studying together on skype, but I manage lack of sleep better.”

Honestly Luna is kinda thankful for this and she is definitely gonna buy them some alcohol they want, because she had no explanation on her tongue except ‘could you please just stop kissing me in my head?’ and this one doesn’t seem like good idea at all.

“Fine.” The Balsano shrugs. “Just make sure you have notes from today, and start studying earlier, right?”

He winks at her, she dies, Pedro laughs too much and the whatsapp conversation of entire group doesn’t get a break.

This day is basically a mess. Luna managed to oversleep and didn’t have time to brush her hair, so here she is trying to sip the shitty hot chocolate from coffee machine as her high ponytail is tickling her nape. Glasses on her nose are barely keeping in one place and as always she is fixing them with her finger and small growl.

It’s kinda cold today, the sweater is sliding off her shoulder all the time because of her hurrying and putting it too quickly, so it ended up too stretched, but who cares? Is it socially acceptable to not wear a bra? If it’s not that’s a boomer, but she was too much in hurry to care. The only good thing about this morning was the fact that her phone was fully charged and it’s not dying like she is.

They all are waiting in front of chem class, which is gonna start in like 20 minutes, so her friends are talking mostly about random stuff, while Luna only tries to minimize the amount of yawns for an hour to thirty-two. She is scrolling through insta feed, but there is nothing there except kittens and food videos, but this is all she needs at this very moment.

Her ears catch the name Matteo in between the songs and she just looks up at the girls with a smile, reaching for one earphone and taking it away, to listen what they are saying. At first it’s just safe topic, talking about upcoming physics test and Luna is very fine, very comfy with this, so she half gets into the conversation, half focuses on the song played in her other earphone.

Pedro texts her something, asking if she is gonna move her ass to uni and she just snorts texting him to turn around, because he is dumb and blind. Few seconds later she can hear his lame laugh and feel his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

“You are very funny today, tiny you. Tell me, what got you so happy? We aren’t having physics today after all.” He grins and Luna lowkey feels like punching him. Giggles of the girls tell her that they heard that, which means no chill for the Valente today.

Whatever.

“I am not in funny mood. You are the funny one here, Pierre.”

Pedro laughs probably too loud at this version of his name, but no one seems to care. “Are you gonna speak the language of love to me now? Will you finally accept to go out with me, Luna Valente?” He says dramatically, pressing his hands to his chest, over the heart.

Luna opens her mouth to reply, but one of the girls just laughs and shakes her head. “You aren’t half as hot as Matteo, so stop your high hopes here.”

Everyone bursts into laugh, even Luna when Pedro just rests back of his hand on his forehead with dramatic, dramatic sigh. She would focus on the second more, but her phone vibrates with text message. Her brain can manage to handle only one thing at once, so all people are turned off when she answers Simón’s message.

“…Luna, what do you think?” Someone asks and she wakes up, nudged by Pedro once again. “He is hot as hell, right?”

“Who?” She raises her eyebrows, not sure which guy is judged here.

Jazmín rolls her eyes, probably completely done. “Matteo, you silly.”

Luna shakes her head, taking deep breath and ignoring Pedro’s tapping on her shoulder quickly. Despite that she shrugs. “Obviously, people like Matteo, who are so attractive should be kept away from teaching others, because it’s very not helping.” She answers, turning her attention back to her phone and feels how everyone is staring at her weirdly. Their eyes are pointed at behind Luna and her blood suddenly freezes.

“Please don’t tell me he heard that. In any possible way.” She mumbles to herself and turns around, feeling like she got into hell.

Matteo himself looks very amused, and very, very smug. He gives her a small stare before turning to Pedro and giving him a nod. “Good job, buddy. You tried to stop her at least. You are the true friend here.”

Her knees get weak and she feels like falling down, but at the same time she can’t make any of her muscles move and this is the shittiest moment ever, ever.

Matteo crosses his arms, his eyes back to Luna as he sighs. “Looking at your grades I don’t think you should complain that much. Unless, of course, you have someone else to explain what I can’t.” He smiles raising his hands up, as if he is giving up.

“If anyone else has any advice here, just send me an email, I’m always open for new suggestions.” Someone snorts and Matteo laughs fixing his tie. “Anyway-“ he looks at Luna again. “I hope you all have a nice day.” After that he winks at her and leaves, walking through the hallway casually and not looking back.

They look back at her and Luna can’t tell who, but someone pulls her to the chair and gives her water.

Few seconds pass until she manages to speak. “Jesus, fuck, I’m fucked.” Her heart keeps beating too fast as Pedro laughs. “You wish you were, tiny, you wish.”

It’s Friday night and Luna is definitely good at making people think she is drinking as much alcohol as they are. Or maybe they are already drunk. She needs to be drunk. Pedro made her wear pretty dress and go out with them to this one club to chill, forget about the science for once and get some proper hook up, because she has been ridiculous recently. Especially after how she exclaimed loudly that Matteo is probably too hot for her liking. At least her group decided to let her have few days chill and didn’t mention this situation while she was around.

Now she is only sipping slowly her mojito through two straws, playing with the ice in her glass and nodding softly, since her hairstyle is a mess and she’s not the one to fix it right now.

Her lipstick is leaving stains at the straws and Luna sighs deeply, fuck you Kylie Jenner for all your lies. It’s not like she cares about that, but lie is a lie, and it did cost money, so Luna is going to very complain about this, even more after alcohol, so here we are.

Someone tells a joke and everyone laughs, Luna does too, not even knowing what it’s about, though it would be weird if she just stared at them with confused eyes, because she was more concentrated on asking herself what is wrong with her. She should definitely focus on getting drunk with her friends and maybe hit on some hot guy, yet the point is that Luna doesn’t want that. Or more like she does, very much, but not at all at the same time and she is a big mess here, trying to figure what the fuck she should do and how many mojitos to drink. As many as possible; students get discount today.

Pedro rests his elbow on her knee as they all lean towards Jazmín, who seems to be jumping excitedly about something.

“Hey, tiny you, look what she has for you.” Pedro says, poking her and Luna wakes up from all of her thoughts, pressing her lips together to make sure her lipstick isn’t looking like she just made out with a frog.

“What do you want, Peter Pan?” She asks with a sigh, leaning more against him. He only grins. “Our fabulous queen of stalking has news for you.” Luna rolls her eyes and turns to Jazmín who is drinking her margarita with big smile, and all the brunette can notice is the fact that there’s no lipstick stain on her glass and, dear stars, Luna needs it.

“Lu-na, listen, but carefully, okay? Carefully.” No one is sure if that’s the right way to say it, but no one says anything either, so Jazmín jumps on her seat, fixing herself and her eyes are shining showing how tipsy she already is. “I have a friend, she told me that she knows the guy, who knows the guy, who is kinda dating a friend of Matteo and this source told me they like to come here to hang out, so who knows, maybe you will get lucky tonight!”

Everyone laughs and Luna only growls trying to not cover her face with hands, because God protect her from smudged makeup and looking like a very rich badger. She sighs dramatically, and ignoring the straws, empties her glass in completely not ladylike way, because their physics ta is the last thing she needs here.

Pedro laughs at her but gets up pulling her with him and leads towards the bar with intention of getting her another drink. “You know, for a person who fucked him in every possible way in your head, you are pretty embarrassed when someone mentions him.” He snorts softly and Luna sighs dramatically. “It’s because this is, despite everything, very ridiculous idea and you all should stop.”

“But you are so into him!” He exclaims loudly, changing his voice in the half and making Luna laugh. “And he is into you, I’m super sure of this.”

“I don’t care!” She loud-whispers to him. “Just shut up and buy me a drink, please.”

Pedro shakes his head with disapproval. “This mojito is like cheating on normal people who drink normal alcohol, not some fancy wannabe glasses filled with grass and ice. But I guess I won’t win here.”

Luna grins, flicking his nose. “Someone has to know what is happening when you don’t anymore.”

“I hate you.”

She sends him a wink. “That you do.”

He is about to say something, but they both hear someone calling Luna’s name in this very specific way, that just spills who wants her attention.

“Lunita! I see you! Turn around and stop pretending you don’t know who I am.” With every word the voice gets louder and her cousin is either very drunk, or is approaching her and Luna can be never sure which of above is worse.

She decides to turn away from Pedro and not roll her eyes at Ámbar walking towards her on those extra high heels the brunette almost killed herself because of the other day. “Ámbar, it’s such a nice surprise to see you.” She mumbles, kinda lying, kinda not.

It’s actually soothing that someone here is able to kill a person with the spiky heel of a shoe without a blink, no matter of amount of alcohol they drank before. And they are nice to each other since Luna went to college and they can hang out or some shit, even if she is sure her cousin gave her this shitty Kylie lipstick mostly because it sucks.

“Any chance of seeing me is great, obviously.”  The blonde flips her hair, spreading around soft scent of her expensive perfume. “You look pretty, tonight, I would be surprised if not the fact I made you buy this dress.” Ámbar smiles a little proudly and wraps her arm around Luna’s waist.

“Take your drink and come with me to the table over there. I wanted to text you tomorrow anyway. Do you want to meet my friends? They are assholes, but I guess they will be nice when they see you in this dress. And I will promise them death if they are mean.” Luna frowns, not sure  what to say, but Pedro pushes the glass in her hand and winks at her. “Maybe you will catch some hot one there, just be nice, tiny you.”

Ámbar snorts. “Obviously they are hot. I am not friends with ugly people.” Saying that with huge disgust, she pulls lost Luna away from there, talking something about doing well by drinking classy things in the club and that she should start doing this herself, but vodka is stronger than any of her safety reflexes.

Luna just keeps nodding at her, sipping her drink, since the temperature keeps being high as hell, until they get to the blonde’s table. She looks around forcing her brain to memorize faces until she stops on one and chokes.

What the actual fuck is he doing here out of all people in Buenos Aires and how the hell is he friends with Ámbar?

Luna has bo idea so she just stares at him as he is talking to other guy with curly hair and she has no idea what to do now, because if she thought he was hot in class, now this is breaking all his records at once in this black shirt with few first buttons undone, what obviously sticks her eyes to his skin. She is such a mess because of some guy, and she would feel ridiculous if not the fact her brain is fried.

“Hey, idiots, you wanted to meet Luna and now you act like the least classy guys in the city.” Ámbar growls, resting her hands on her hips and suddenly all stares are on Luna. Matteo’s look catches her eyes.

She drops the glass.

The other guy chuckles getting up immediately while Matteo seems to be as lost as Luna herself, but only for few seconds.

The blonde girl shakes her head dramatically. “Since neither of you all is able to think at this very moment, you-” she points at guy with curly hair, “-will get Luna new drink while we all just sit down and try to make you all speak, because r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s.”

The guy smirks widely at Matteo. “No, no blondie, he will go, he was supposed to get new vodka after all so it won’t make a difference.”

Luna is just trying to not faint, because here she is in short dress, wearing high heels, very tipsy and apparently the one and only Matteo Balsano is gonna get her something to drink.

He acts completely casually as Ámbar sits down saying whatever, and approaches her as if he has never seen her again - despite the smirk of the other guy, who probably knows, but Ámbar doesn’t.

“What was in the glass you dropped?” He smirks and she pouts, before opening her mouth to answer, but he interrupts leaning closer. “It’s too loud here, just come with me for it to the bar, is it okay?”

Luna can only nod, wondering if she shouldn’t go for clear vodka today, because any sober, any tipsy, any anything will not help her survive this. She is sure of it when he smiles at her and rests his hand on her lower back in order to lead her out of people dancing around. Someone bumps into her and she almost trips over her own leg which goes unfortunately behind the other, yet Matteo manages to catch her with another hand on her waist. He chuckles softly, but says nothing, pulling her behind a little faster and all Luna can do is follow him as if he is her own icebreaker.

She is praying for neither of her friends to see them; she would end up photographed from every angle and definitely interviewed later, hit by questions like did you finally get laid and are ready to move on with your life? Yeah, not gonna happen. Hopefully. For now Matteo is talking to the bartender casually, leaning his elbows on the counter and smiling widely, since the girl is making his drink with dreamy eyes and Luna feels like dropping another mojito.

That’s totally her luck, though it’s not like she had any expectations; the hottest ones are usually assholes and apparently this one ain’t no exception.

She is ready to leave when he pays, but after he does he just turns to her, completely ignoring the bartender. Luna frowns, yet takes the arm he offers her, they walk away and he leans closer to her. “You don’t seem to be glad that I flirted us half price discount.”

She blinks surprised, not sure if to curse at him again in her head, or just ask what, so she nods softly, making him laugh.

“Looks like that’s a thing you should teach me as well.” She mumbles not really stopping herself from throwing this and Matteo laughs. “Am I not too hot for teaching people anything?”

Luna almost chokes, but keeps herself cool to not spill the drink probably either on her dress or on his shirt.

“Okay, okay, it was just a joke,” he says but it doesn’t feel like a joke at all. His hand is suddenly in front of her and she gives him surprised look. “Are we going to the table?” He asks, offering her his hand.

Luna sighs and looks around. If no one comes from the future to stop her from doing it, then how bad this decision can be? She just smiles and laces their fingers surely, seeing him smile.

“I need help.” Luna says, throwing papers on Matteo’s desk. He looks up at her from above his laptop, his glasses sliding softly off the bridge of his nose. She sighs dramatically, trying to focus, because she drank vodka with this guy few days ago, so no big deal. Not at all.

“Help with what?” He asks raising his eyebrows and lacing his fingers on the desk.

Luna pouts and pushes this little annoying strand of her hair behind her ear. “With physics, obviously. I don’t get a shit here, and I want you to explain it to me.” She says super quickly and guesses she should be nice, so she adds soft: “Please, Matteo.”

He takes deep breath, looking around before he reaches for her papers. The brunette keeps her breathing still for a moment, hoping that he is gonna chill his ass and help her or at least tell her where to start.

“Let me think about this.” He hums softly, looking around as if he is deep in thoughts. “When?” The question falls between them and Luna bites on her lower lip.

“I don’t know, but somewhere before Thursday I guess.”

“I have extra time on Fridays as always, can’t you come to me then?”

Luna crosses her arms with dramatic sigh, not sure how to get out of this. “I can’t on Friday. If I could I wouldn’t bother you the here and now.”

He stands up, brushing the chair against the floor loudly and she scrunches her nose as he gets closer to her and leans back against the desk. “Well then why didn’t you come to me last Friday?” He takes the pencil from his desk and starts playing with it. The tone of his voice breaks a little and shows hints of teasing, but Luna is hopeless here; no one really from her friends gets this shit so Matteo was it, yet he seems to make fun of her.

“Because I was busy, listen, I need this and I need you here.”

“Oh so now you need me? We reached this stage faster than I thought we would.” Luna chokes seeing his smirk when he rolls his sleeves up. “I guess I can give you some hints here and explain this or that, but under one condition here.”

Her shoulders fall with relief, because she knows he wouldn’t pull any weird shit here. “Okay, what is it. Tell me.”

Matteo crosses his arms, as always when he feels that he has the advantage. “You will go out with me, okay?”

[rhinointherain]

26-8-2020

the high hasn’t really hit me yet (its been a few minutes so yeah kind of weird, longer than usual probably, but also not that weird for me bc both i and a***** have noticed that it takes a lot longer for weed to affect me than it does for the average person, i think it is starting to kick in anyway), but i wanted to say first of all that earlier today even though i hadnt smoked at all i noticed myself having some thoughts on the similar type of abstract ideas that i get while high and thinking I should journal them, i didnt because i’m starting to come down firmer on the decision that i will only make any of these types of entries after having smoked at least once that “day” (as in since waking up in the morning, not like a 24 hour period), considering i did smoke twice yesterday and not being a very little physically active person it might have to do with thc still being in my body, but it also might be that doing these journal entries has made me more eager and better equipped to engage with those abstract ideas which i think is cool (although it is important to ask the question of whether it actually has made any tangible difference in how and why i interact with those ideas or whether i just want there to be one), but it also might be that i was reading that terence mckenna book

((actually it was all three of these reasons and also the infinite reaches of every other infinite reason that put me in this specific “multiverse”/version of existence, those three were just the main ones i at first subconsciously perceived to be important enough to type and then after typing them consciously evaluated to be important enough that i would not delete them and instead elaborate on them further. but i feel like I’ve discussed this enough by now that this is readily apparent)

what were those abstract thoughts i wanted to write down is another question because when i decided not to write them down i thought ok well then ill be sure to remember what they were and pick up my phone and write all this immediately after i smoke but the problem is that it takes a little while to type it all up and i forgot them before i had finished writing all that introduction

i should explain better the path that my thoughts have been taking from my mind to their final written form so far in these journal entries but first i want to talk about something else

which is that

(include something explaining why you feel the need to inject these sad excuses of teenage tumblr poetry in between the actual interesting shit you usually like to focus on in these entries)

okay do i still want to write about what i was about to say? also maybe it would be more productive to wait until sober to explain the processes in which these entries are formatted

yeah i do bc one of the reasons i do these lame ones is that they can act for me as a healthy emotional release okay so anyway i wanna be, and this is coming straight from the pathos slash animalistic sensory-propelled part of my brain not anywhere near the rational thought-propelled one, i right now wanna be like a a girl in a movie or story about some like lame emo dude who smokes cigarettes and the movie is just a bunch of slow panning over like a rainy city and theres shoegaze in the background (im thinking about like lost in translation or something BUT EXCEPT the dude isnt bill murray the dudes like a young guy who only someone like me would find attractive (but there are a lot of people like me) who like reads proust or some shit i dont know) and MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL fuck that’s what i’m trying to say i didn’t actually need to type all this shit i just forgot that that term existed for a sec well anyway yeah thats what i want to be, seeing as this concept and the importance of attaining it as a woman has been drilled into my head by media which my brain had been heavily impressed with during its most impressionable ages (that being my adolescence), where and how did that impression happen ie was it absorbed into the deep subconscious reaches and now resides with the animal/sensory part of my brain who has classed the desire to fulfill this idealized image as a sensory/survival need, or does it come in from the opposite side and instead its like a desire that comes from higher conscious and or subconscious cognitive understanding formed from the human brains complex analysis of every input it gets through the web of social norms and evaluations and memories and everything that makes up what the brain understands everything to be. how are the two even different. they arent because nothing is different everything is just one infinity inside of itself and i write this same thought down a lot because of its essentiality but i havent been conveying it in a well thought out enough way for sober me to fully grasp its importance. eventually i should dedicate more effort to this particular idea but thats a big undertaking and i have been too lazy to attempt it so far

fuck like i just want the guy to be like standing by himself at the weird french new wave club or something thinking about how disconnected he is from society or whatever the fuck and then he sees me whos like 100 lbs and i have an unconventional haircut and either im like dancing uninhibitedly (representing the innocent and childlike perspective our jaded protagonist needs to offset his disillusionment with society) or im also standing all alone smoking a cig and maybe even reading like [first 20th century philosopher that comes up under suggested results when you type proust’s name into google] ha ha ha im so funny do you see what im doing here im deconstructing the stereotypical indie movie that people on the internet make fun of because genuinely liking it had become too mainstream im sure no one has ever thought of this before as a comedic bit anyway i had this whole other thing about it too like she goes in his car with him and they smoke and exchange like 4 sentences but u can still tell shes the perfect for him bc shes sexy and has pink hair or something i dont know anyway i was just thinking about how i wanna be that.

like wouldnt it be nice to not actually have any thoughts in your head your whole job is to be pretty but not know that youre pretty because apparently you dont fit the societal convention of beauty except you pretty much do in every way except that you like have green eyes instead of blue and you dont wear high heels or something and thats all you have to do you only exist to fulfill some dudes fantasy and if you fulfill that fantasy you’ve reached the ultimate purpose in life and don’t have to worry about accomplishing anything else or pleasing anyone else, maybe thats why some people become super religious because isn’t it pretty much the same exact concept like your ultimate goal is to become jesus’s manic pixie dream girl, or buddha’s maybe i don’t know i am embarrassingly uninformed about eastern religions

i’m already not really very high anymore that’s disappointing bc i finally actually took a bong rip by myself in what felt like the correct way to do it eg it didnt make me cough but i guess it wasn’t the correct way after all i guess me not coughing just meant i didnt get enough in my lungs godsh damn it

[xxxnate-clifford-blog]

was that ( c. evans )? no, it’s just ( nathaniel “nate” clifford). they are the (27-238 ) year old ( vampire ). i heard they’re (outgoing and easy-going  ) but also ( flirtatious and happy-go-lucky). rumor has it they ( haven’t ) pledged allegiance to the hollow. i must warn you, neutrality is not an option. ⚜  Hihi dear peeps, A here again with a new character & i would love to plot with anyone interested in forming connections or all kinds of plots with Nate here ;)  ⚜   Just like this post if interested and i’ll im you <3    

soooo he is amara’s ex-husband and father of August. Since he is from ancient greece like Amara, Silas and the others, his name ofc isn’t actually Nate Clifford, as he has recently adopted that in the 21st century in order to blend in with the times. His real name is Aegeus.

Life in Ancient Greece, some time in the 1st century BC, as a normal human:

So far, Andrea and I have plotted that he and amara married out of love and it was not an arranged marriage, tho i think their union was probably approved by both their families considering that they didn’t elope and that most marriages were usually arranged by the families at that time, and theirs waren’t. She was 14 and he 24 when they got married, big age gap i know, but then again it was very, very common during those times to even marry someone 30 years older ryt? XD But anyway, he and Amara fell really fast and headlong in love with each other.

 So far i have it in my head that he was a nice, independent, had pretty smart brains, determined, decent & very well-mannered, kind, brave and quite the dutiful son to his parents. He was also rather proud ( not really much in the negative way but more in the sense that he valued honor and respect a lot, takes pride in keeping his dignity, face, name and family name as well as family honor upright. he can also be brash at certain decisions.

He and Amara had a very loving, happy and faithful marriage which was why August was born with so much love and adoration from both his parents quite soon after their union. Poor man didn’t get to be with his son for long tho, as about a year after August was born, he got sent way/ joined the war (I have to clear this detail with Andrea first tho before 100% confirming it as part of his story;D haha)

Life after Ancient Greece and as a vampire:

Okie so he died at war, when he was 27, unfortunately leaving behind a widowed Amara and baby toddler August :( In the year of 1811, he was suddenly resurrected back to life as a human by a witch in London, who was hungrily trying to see if she could create a resurrection spell and he was one of the 3 ppl that she successfully brought back to life and which she randomly chose from very diff past centuries. Her spell however, wasn’t fully successful in the end, as 2 out of the 3 people she brought back to life, died after only a week. And hence, amara’s ex-husband was also about to die very soon and so the witch, desperate to ensure the survival of at least one of her ‘magical science lab-rats/ pet projects’, she then asked a vampire friend of hers to help turn him into a vampire so as to make sure that he live. He was very weak as a resurrected human at that time and barely conscious most of the time and not really aware of what was happening to him. So it was only after he had transitioned into a vampire, only did he fully wake up, was conscious and brimming back to health, full of life. Brains working, senses alert and everything, he was thus told abt what they both did to him and he then ultimately remembered who he was, his whole identity and former life as a human with Amara in the ancient times. He was thus grief-stricken and devastated to know that he was know alive in a completely diff era and Amara and his whole family was obvs. long dead for more than a thousand centuries already. Since he was now a vamp and knowing that he would then have to live for an infinite number of years without his family and friends from the past, he then seeked help & bumped into a kind-hearted witch whom he begged her to help him. Now this 2nd witch also happens to be one of Xandria’s ancestors in the past btw :)P He requested her to help him take away  all of his memories of being alive in ancient times, basically his whole former life as a human & most especially of having a wife and child, as it pained him too much & it was too suffering for him to think about both of them especially.  And Xandria’s London ancestor at that time, determined to keep her promise to him to help relieve him of his painful memories of the past, then spun him a new life story lie, after she had removed his real past memories and told him a simple story of him ‘being born and raised in that current 18th century and that his family members were dead already and he himself had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and was caught in a crossfire sword&gun fight between a group of people , leading to his untimely death. As he was almost dying, he was then revived by a passing vampire who took pity on the man having to die so young’, the very same vampire who had turned him earlier in the first place & who happened to be Xandria’s ancestor’s lover! ( thus as y’all can see that besides wanting to be kind to the poor lad, she also wanted to protect her lover’s butt and not having Aegeus come after him for revenge of having turned him into a vampire against his will. She also kept a few secret diaries during her lifetime, so she did also write in the whole account of everything that had happened and what she did, in one of those diaries, which is now in Xandria’s collection of diaries, which Xandria had dug up among many others of her ancestors,  over the passing years and compiled into her own keeping for knowledge. ( about half of the women and some of the men in Xandria’s family tree of ancestors, including Xandria herself, kept diaries lmaoXD)

She and her vampire lover then helped him to adapt to both living as a supernatural while still perfectly appearing as a ‘normal human’ in the 18th century and after her death, said vampire also helped him for  a little while longer on how to change his culture of living based on whichever time period he was in and how to blend in and quickly adapt to each passing of period of change in the human society. As he still had a few traits from his former life, he was a quick learner, and grew to be very independent and bold & by some miracle, seemed to have a strong sense of business acumen. Thus for the past 2 centuries, he had worked very hard from the bottom to the top of society and eventually dabbled in many, various enterprises and business deals over his 211 years of living as a vampire.

Hence, he has by now accumulated a great amount of wealth and he also has changed his identity and name over the years to appear as a perfectly normal 27 year old ‘human’ and traveled widely to many diff places. He came to the States  after WW2, and has been living in many diff places all around US until now.

He has come to NOLA largely because he wants to oversee the starting operations of a new branch of one of his businesses there and isn’t really bothered nor cares about whatever is brewing in NOLA right now. He also had this very tiny , weird feeling in him some weeks back, that seemed to be calling him to NOLA, that tiny subconscious gut feeling that is kinda giving him a hint that it is imperative that he be in NOLA rn. But he had then quickly brushed off this feeling shortly after he felt it as nothing much to it and dismiss the small unknown hint. He’s just there to attend to his affairs, have a fun time, enjoying himself as much as possible in this vibrant city and then leave.  His personality currently is of a v flirtatious, fun and easy-going person with a happy-go-lucky , v carefree personality, & also with an enterprising business mind on the side . He’s also a non-committal person and enjoys his bachelorhood way too much to settle down anytime soon, hahaXD. He is also very friendly and likes to dwell on the positive instead of the negative.