#i’m already disabled my body doesn’t need to betray me like this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kindest-way-to-say · 3 years ago

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okay so. i’m just gonna rant. about some pain i’ve been experiencing for a while. like, we’re getting into it

if anyone would like to put in their two cents, feel free. im kinda just yelling about my problems into a void, but im definitely not gonna stop people who might know what this is from giving me advice.

idk. my brains shutting down a bit.

TDLR: my left arm has been in constant pain for three days. it’s probably nerves or something. i’m very addled rn. i hate the world i want to sleep for a millennia. i also have had similar, smaller pain issues over a course of 4 months. i hate it here. i would very much like this to not be a thing, please.

so this story starts the mid may. my last month of school. i’m suffering through just to end this bullshit. but i notice that p much every time i have to do some slightly more than normal walking, some random body part of mine will just be in this sort of dull pain.

and i just kinda go. huh. okay. ow. and brush it off. this continues. it’s pretty minor, (like barely a 1/10 on a scale) but enough for me to be mildly annoyed by it on occasion.

go to two weeks before my school lets out for summer.

i get appendicitis and have surgery for it. i’m fine. that situation went better than expected, i was just not the most comfortable.

appendicitis pain traditionally presents in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen. right next to a shit ton of nerves. and the pain i’m going through starts to affect my leg. can’t really walk without alarms going on.

it gets better. i’m not like. comfortable, but i’m just taking ibuprofen a few times a day and managing decently. 3.5/10 pain level average.

but then, as i start going out and living life as a teenager in the summer (hanging out with one person semi-regularly, and doing weird family lunches), i start to notice that most times i leave the house, i’ll come back home with some pretty decent pain in assorted parts of my body.

like my back will hurt, which i just blame on my shit posture. but then it’ll be a weird muscle connected to my ankle or some shit when i am very well known for hating any and all sports except for hockey. which i don’t play.

so i’m not doing things to pull muscles, but i’m feeling twinges of pain kind of a lot. which sucks.

but i brush it off, now consciously keeping an eye on it and taking ibuprofen when needed.

pain levels steadily rise over time, but it’s still at about a 4/10 for the most part. there’s the occasional spike to a 6, but that’s not frequent.

keep going on to mid-july. every time i leave the house, i’m feeling dull ache/twinges in multiple places and my knees feel really fucking off a lot of the time. almost like if your knees were crooked or something?? idk.

but it’s still 5.5 on the worst day. so i just kinda hesitantly mention this to my mom. who’s used to me complaining anyway, but i make it clear that it’s been going on for a while, and it feels like somethings wrong.

and she says “oh yeah we can think about seeing a doctor.”

and i just. okay! cool. fun. rad. sick. vague pain. that’s my favorite activity. i love everything about this.

but i just grit my teeth and bear it. still doing the ibuprofen thing when my ignore it and distract yourself strategy doesn’t work.

now, end of july. trucking along. i’m at least in mind discomfort pretty much all the time. sucks. hate it. i’m concerned.

go to the 31. i pull a crazy all-nighter because i have chemical imbalances in my brain and shit just happens. i stay up for like 44 hours. wild. i sit at my desk for a while, drawing and i notice “wow my left shoulder doesn’t feel that great. huh. i have been sitting here for a while.”

so i go do something else but it doesn’t feel fantastic. almost like a buzzing in parts of my back and my upper arm. on my left arm. i am right handed. don’t know what that’s about.

go to sleep sunday night, i wake up to it just being worse. (also i have some weird circulation problems because of genetics. just random shit. no pain whatsoever. just funky.)

like wtf that’s a 4 right as i’m waking up. what the actual fuck. don’t like that.

but i was raised catholic so none of us talk to each other. so i just joke about my body organizing a shitty coup d’état to a friend and chalk it up to a fucked up muscle. but it’s like kind of moving?? a bit?? weird as fuck. don’t like it. still dull pain, but certainly something that pops up into my conscious mind like 10 times a day.

i didn’t do anything would result in a pulled muscle (trust me. my school is really intense about theatre and show choir. hard core choreography in everything that i practice 3 times a week during school+whatever play/musical) so i’m really just making excuses to soothe my brain and i know it. full denial.

i took ibuprofen the first and second day. can still tell it’s happening, but it sucks less.

yesterday i play a shit ton of guitar, and i can feel my upper arm cramping up and shit (which. oW. 5.7/10. WHAT THE HELL.) even though there is no strain on my left arm except for pressing my fingertips into some strings. no shoulder shit going on.

so i try to stretch out. no help.

and then the adhd medication instead of sleeping medication debacle happens and i don’t go to bed even though i actively tried to multiple times. i write a poem instead.

hurts mildly the whole time. it starts kind of limiting the functions of my arm. which. what the actual fuck. stiff, a bit seized up in especially bad pain moments.

i get focused on writing a poem and shit i only 20 minutes to get ready to leave for my appointment.

i forgot to take any ibuprofen, and it was already reaching 5.85 levels from sitting in my room.

in the car and in the orthodontist office, my left arm is completely fucking useless to me. half of my brain at all times is focused on like “oW OW OW OW OW” because it’s reached a point where i can’t really ignore it. it’s just there now. moving it isn’t great, it sitting in place isn’t fun either.

i’m at 6.5 levels. from the round trip of like 20-ish minutes, it’s raised that much. a lot of internal dialogue about it.

on the way to the orthodontist, i’m talking to my mom about it. she, sounding kind of annoyed, asks “what, do you want to see a doctor?”. i say “honestly? yes. it’s been 3 days nonstop. steady rise. there’s something genuinely wrong. i’m concerned about it.”

it feels like someone is poking around inside my arm with electricity or some shit. whole arm. shifting localizations and slight fluctuation in pain level. rapid escalation even just today.

i explain what it feels like in less wordy terms. and she says “that’s sounds like it could be nerve-related.”

it’s been three days. i’m exhausted. this has already taken a pretty significant mental toll, let alone discomfort level.

i have a high pain tolerance. i only started actively complaining about appendicitis pain the night before it exploded. that shit festers longer than overnight. i had been i pain for half the week before i said shit. and i just kinda sucked it up until i felt like i couldn’t walk without needing hella support.

but it’s really fucking getting to me. shit ton of weird tension, buzzing. just. constant painful buzz moving around.

i express this. “it’s a non-stop pain bad enough to be something i am fully aware of at any given second. if i stare off, im probably thinking about my arm.” and she kinda dismisses it.

it’s been like an hour, and i’ve gone up to 6.8 levels multiple times. based on patterns, it’s not just gonna stop any time soon, and i’m really good at working around weird problems like this.

like i said. pain every time i go out.

i’m good at hiding when i’m not 100%, but this is beyond me. it’s like someone’s just stabbing me with tacs over and over again. on my entire left arm and on the rare occasion, part of my leg.

i’m so genuinely uncomfortable, and i would this to not be a thing anymore.

#long post #uh. help?#oW OW OW #ITS LIKE SOMEONE IS PLAYINH FUCKING OPERSTION ON ME #sorry this is so gigantic #rip my arm ig??#i’m already disabled my body doesn’t need to betray me like this #bitch tried to kill me once already and failed so it’s back and trying again and iT SO MUCH FUCKINB WORSE THAN THE FIRST TIME #HHHHH

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marvelandimagine · 4 years ago

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I think some people mad about the arm is not necessarily about the fact that Ayo disabling the arm itself, it's more of the fact that it was not necessary and the fact that Bucky had no idea they can do that. If I were to be honest, I think it was not that necessary because Ayo is well capable of taking him down without having to disarm him and she is definitely not threatened by him. I think what some people find upsetting about that scene is the fact that it kinda comes off as Ayo putting Bucky in a position where it would make him feel like he doesn't have full control of his own body after all. The Wakandans, especially Ayo, T'Challa and Shuri had every right to feel betrayed and upset but the point is they should have told Bucky about how the arm can easily be disabled like that, they didn't know Bucky was going to set Zemo free when they gave him the arm and regardless of the things they have done for him and if they were ones who gave him the arm, they should have at least told him about it, because it's connected to him, it's a part of HIS body. It doesn't matter if it was necessary to disarm him or not, the point is they should have told him about it because apart from the fact that it's his body and that it was a bit insensitive given his history, it's also a point of vulnerability, and the fact that she did it in front of Walker (and possibly Zemo) --- people who can easily turn on Bucky, could easily that to their advantage and attempt to disable it themselves. Just my thoughts on it.

Thank you for sharing your perspective, anon!

I’m going to use this long-ass reply to address this stuff with Ayo and also voice some thoughts I’ve had over the past few weeks seeing people paint Bucky into being this complete soft and harmless human that needs 25-7 protection which I don’t jive with — and this is me, a complete Bucky stan.

Many moons ago, I saw a post that compared 1940s Bucky moving with stealth and a loaded gun on the train to the Winter Soldier doing the same thing, essentially discussing the similarities and debating how much of non-brainwashed Bucky was in the Soldier. And I think the fandom forgets or chooses to neglect the following when painting him as this fragile, peace-loving guy:

Bucky was an incredibly skilled sniper in the United States Army. His job is to eliminate threats in the most efficient way possible, and he’s good at it. HYDRA gets their hands on him and + the serum, this gets magnified. It wasn’t like HYDRA turned him into someone with the ability and mental capacity to kill — that was already there. The brainwashing and torture just carved out the rest of him to leave those honed skills and an amplified ruthlessness with no moral issues, no sense of self to contend with. That ruthlessness is part of Bucky, whether people like it or not.

When Bucky is outside of HYDRA for the first time and hiding in Civil War and gets attacked, he’s so brutal in his actions that Steve Rogers, the man who literally was ready to die to save Bucky and free him when no one else believed in the good in him, intervenes because “Buck, you’re going to kill someone.” Bucky responds that he’s not going to kill anyone, but the fact remains: with or without HYDRA control, Bucky has a strong capacity for violence that hovers on brutality — again, what’s the most efficient way to eliminate or neutralize a threat? Like, I don’t want to kill you, but I’ll knock your ass out with cinder blocks to the chest.

Bucky has a good heart, he’s loyal, he’s smart, he’s caring, he’s the longest-standing POW in history and was turned into a slave for decades, put through unimaginable trauma and torture and horror with no escape. Bucky is also a strong and incredibly skilled super soldier who has a bionic arm, is a trained sniper, is unnervingly precise with knives, and self-describes himself as “semi-stable.” Zemo notes in the bar that “it didn’t take Bucky long to get back into form,” and he’s right because the ruthlessness and skill of the Winter Soldier is a part of him and always has been. We see it when he has his hand around Zemo’s neck and tells him he will kill him, when he rips the glass from his hand and throws it across the room.

And I’m sure the Wakandans know all this about Bucky, this light and his ability for hard-to-stop violence, whether from talking to Steve and Bucky or doing their own homework. And they still choose to help him out of the goodness of their hearts because he’s been put through hell and they believe they have the capacity to help him and it’s the right thing to do — they’re betting more on those positive attributes. And they put a failsafe on his arm, a literal weapon, and chose not to tell him. You know why I think that shows how much they did care about him? Because they could’ve blatantly come out and said “Hey, we don’t trust you,” and hurt him outright, but they didn’t because they’re betting on the light in Bucky to outweigh the dark or any future manipulation. That it’s a worst-case scenario function they hope to never have to use — so they’re prepared if shit hits the fan, and if it doesn’t, Bucky doesn’t have to be hurt feeling like he can’t be trusted. I see no issues here, they’re just being cautious.

Now coming to Ayo, my QUEEN Ayo. From that beautiful, beautiful opening scene, we get to see her support, her reassurance, her belief that Bucky will be able to work through this, even when he doesn’t believe it himself. She watches him fight and struggle and cry, and you can feel the hope in her and how moved she is when she gets to tell him it worked, he did it — he’s free. And she says it not once, but twice. And you can hear not just the comfort, but the PRIDE and warmth in her voice directed to him, who I’m sure she’s watched throughout the whole deprogramming process and gotten to know and is happy to see him work through the pain and come out on the other side.

And then she sees that same individual make a decision in freeing Zemo that she perceives as a “fuck you” not just to her country, but to her, someone who was charged with protecting her king. She could’ve just disarmed Bucky the second they met up, but she doesn’t. She takes the time to explain her side and her feelings, her guilt and her shame, and basically implies that she feels betrayed by Bucky because Wakanda helped him and now he’s doing something that’s hurting her country. And still, she doesn’t attack or just go get Zemo. She gives Bucky the benefit of the doubt and a whole 8-hour American workday to do what he has to do because again, she believes in the best of him. And then that time limit runs up, and he chooses to get in her way.

And that’s the final straw. She’s angry, she’s guilty, she’s frustrated, and she feels betrayed hurt by someone I think she did respect and care about, someone whom she worked with and helped and supported when he was his most vulnerable. Did she “need” to disarm the arm to fight Bucky? Probably not. But is she doing it in the heat of battle and adrenaline and a whole bucket ton of emotions, including what she sees as the White Wolf blatantly disrespecting her country and her as a person and even friend and she just says fuck it, I’m done? You hurt us and me, and I’m going to hurt you back? Oh yeah. And Bucky looks shocked, not because he’s a poor fragile baby and “oh no, my arm, how could you?? my TrAumA”, but in the dual realization of “oh shit, how’d you do that?!” and “oh shit, I think I crossed a line here.” And also, I don’t think a single person in that room would be able to recreate the disabling sequence other than Ayo — it’s way too targeted and specific for someone like Walker to pick it up in the whole three seconds it took.

People need to stop reducing characters to these black and white extremes of soft and hard, of good and bad. Doing so completely devalues and ignores the REALITY of the complexity of being human, and Bucky and Ayo are both great examples of that played by stellar actors who portray that range and depth extremely well. End of the day, my thought is that the failsafe in the arm was justified and people need to stop coming for Ayo based on this ridiculous narrative that Bucky is too traumatized and sensitive and too much of a fave to ever be challenged or he’ll explode into dust. Boy deserves a life of freedom and healing and mental health support, but he’s also still a formidable opponent with the capacity for violence and skillset to kill. People are more than one thing.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!!

#Bucky barnes #winter soldier #falcon and winter soldier #falcon and the winter solider spoilers #faws spoilers #faws #james bucky barnes #marvel #dora milaje #wakanda #Ayo #Steve Rogers #falcon and winter soldier spoilers #marvel fandom #I really went off on this one huh #fatws #fatws bucky #fatws ep 4 #fatws spoilers

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spencerreidsconverse · 4 years ago

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When Evil Doesn't Sleep

summary: Spencer has been gone far too long on a case and when he finally returns home, reader shows him just how much she missed him.

word count: 3.4k

warnings: smut, implied dom/sub undertones, pet names

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Female Reader

A/N: My first fic!!! I hope you all enjoy! <3

“Y/n I’m really sorry but it looks like the case is going to take a lot longer than we thought. We had a recent development and the profile is now pointing to a partnership so now we’re hunting down two unsubs”. You sighed as Spencer rattled off his apologies through the phone before putting him out of his misery “Spencer honey, you don’t have to apologize. Quit worrying about me and focus on catching the bad guys.”

To say you missed Spencer would be the understatement of the century. He had been in Utah for six days already and now with a pair of psychos your odds of finding him in your bed by the end of the week were growing increasingly slim. It didn’t help that you had been swamped prepping for an extra class you’d agreed to take on at Georgetown where you worked as a Criminal Psychology professor. Between both of your hectic work schedules you hadn’t had a real weekend to yourselves in a few months, and while you knew when you first started dating Spencer that it was an inevitable of his job, it had never been this crazy before. They say evil never sleeps but lately it hasn't even taken a catnap.

“I love you Y/N. I promise I’ll come home to you soon and take you out on a real date. I’m sorry darling, I have to go. I’ll text you when I get to the hotel tonight and if you’re still up we can talk for a bit okay?”. “Alright Spence, I love you too. Stay safe okay?”. “I promise, goodbye love.”

Your farewell barely made it past your lips when the dial tone cut you off and once again your boyfriend of three years vanished from your side of the country. You let out an exasperated sigh before reminding yourself that there were other people who needed his help and that you could wait for his attention - at least until that night. Continuing the trek up the stairs of your and spencer’s shared apartment, you managed to haphazardly balance your grocery bags in one hand while unlocking the door and disabling the security alarm, internally cringing at the high shriek that rattled through your brain.

Walking through the living room, you sat the bags on your kitchen counter and began reorganizing the small fridge space to fit all the perishables you had brought home, absentmindedly hoping they wouldn't spoil now that it would be just you for several more days. Moving to the cupboard you replaced the few grab and go snack boxes you had made up to try and encourage Spencer to eat more throughout the day and refilled the paper plate stash that quickly became a requirement after you realized neither one of you could tolerate doing dishes every night. You ripped open the cardboard packaging of yet another microwave dinner and set the timer before leaving to change into more comfortable attire.

Opening the door of your shared bedroom, the smell of vanilla wax melts and dryer sheets hit you like a brick and immediately sent a pang of loneliness through your chest. Spencer was usually around by the time the chores needed done, and you rarely had to do them yourself. Unfortunately, the laundry was piling up and you needed something to distract you so you spent the day running errands and cleaning the apartment more thoroughly than necessary. You walked over to the stack of black dresser drawers and pulled out the first pair of pajama pants you touched, Spencer’s old caltech sweats that now fit you far better than him considering he had received them when he was 14. They looked more like capris on him now and it was embarrassingly difficult to convince him to buy a new pair that fit him properly. You slipped on a tank top and pulled your hair back before making your way lazily to the bathroom to take off the remnants of your simple makeup.

After scrubbing your face clean and pulling your dinner out, you moved to ready the couch for yet another night of binge watching cheesy 90s movies. You selected Clueless and watched the vibrant colors pop across the screen while you dived into your meal, making a poor attempt to ignore the slight freezer burnt taste that lingered after every bite. You finished your dinner and set the bowl aside before covering yourself with a blanket and allowing yourself to sink into the cushions, desperately awaiting Spencer's text.

You were jolted out of your doze by the loud buzzing of your phone against the wooden coffee table. Clumsily you reached for it and managed to swipe the answer pad before it sent your genius to voicemail. “Hello?” you managed before a yawn ripped its way through you suddenly. “Hey Y/N, I’m sorry it’s so late. I didn't mean to wake you, I figured you’d still be up. You should go back to bed love.” For the first time, you noticed the neon green numbers on the microwave. 12:30. You stifled another yawn and shook your head in an effort to wake yourself further “No way, I just dozed off while watching a movie. I was waiting to talk to you. Besides, I’m up now anyways so you might as well stay on with me for a bit. Did you get any further today?” “Well, JJ had the idea that the partners were originally a typical dominant/submissive partnership but that something in the dynamic must have changed because the MO began to deteriorate. We think the partners must have split up now, because we’re finding similar pieces of the previous MO at separate crime scenes.”.

You processed the information he fed you slowly due to your semiconscious state but eventually you put your words in order well enough to respond. “That should be helpful though yeah? I mean, they’re used to working in a partnership so being suddenly separated from your other half so to speak would throw you off track quite a bit right?”. You could practically hear him smiling through the phone as you drew the conclusions the team had come to only a few hours prior. “Yes. We’re hoping to be able to draw them out and trap them. Play them against each other.”.”Does that mean I can stop sleeping on the couch soon?”. You heard him let out a dejected sigh - you knew he hated that you would force yourself onto the cramped couch when you had a king sized bed a few hundred feet away but he understood.

When he had come home in the early hours of the morning after an abrupt end to a case a few weeks after you had moved into his place, he had caught you curled up on the sofa with a throw pillow stuffed under your head. When he questioned you about it the next morning, you simply answered that the bed felt too big without him and that you couldn’t stand the empty feeling. “Sooner than later I hope my love. Y/N I really wish you wouldn’t do that to yourself. It’s horrible for your body. It can put you at a much higher risk for chronic back and neck pain as well as-”. “Spence. I’m not a giant like you are. I fit on the couch much better than you do, and I barely notice the difference.”. You both cringed, hearing the lie clear in your voice. Still, Spencer must have felt bad because he humored you. “If you're sure. What did you do today my love?”. You smiled sadly hearing in his voice just how desperate he was to escape from his reality and come home to you.

”Well, I straightened the house. In fact, it’s so clean i think we could use it as a sterilization room.”. He let out a soft chuckle and you could hear him begin to relax as you recounted the rest of your day, excluding the part about the microwave dinner. Spencer loved to tell you how many of the ingredients were one step away from processed garbage and you decided to opt out of the lecture for the evening. He had more than enough to worry about without having to focus on your diet while he was away. After a half hour of light conversation, a loud yawn betrayed you as you were excitedly discussing the cute puppy you had met on the way to the market. Spencer immediately requested that you hang up and get some more sleep but you refused. After a few minutes of bickering, you relented on the condition that he would read to you until you had fallen asleep. You curled up under the fluffy blanket as Spencer’s even voice recited the collection of Grimm’s fairy tales quickly lured you to sleep.

You woke up the next morning as sunlight peered through the curtains, stretching your body out to ease the aches from the previous night. You smiled softly as your screen lit up with a text from Spencer wishing you a good morning and an update that they had a solid plan for boxing in the two unsubs that afternoon. “If all goes to plan I should be carrying you to our bed before midnight tonight.”. Your smile widened and you sent back “Can’t wait to truly see you - and love you- tonight. I’ll be waiting.” You plugged your phone into the charger and straightened up from the night before when your phone went off again. The one word message glared at you from the screen and you let out an involuntary giggle. “Tease.”. You hoped it gave him something to look forward to until he was back in your arms. You sent back a simple “XO” before deciding to reread one of your favorite books for a few hours to kill some time. You made yourself a sandwich for lunch and had a few glasses of water as the clock slowly ticked by. You were over halfway through the lengthy novel when you received another message.

“We apprehended both unsubs. Hotch is postponing the paperwork until Monday so we can go straight home. I’ll see you in a few hours baby.”. You jumped slightly in celebration before finishing your current chapter, marking your place, and all but skipping to the shower to shave and exfoliate your skin. You knew Spencer would still be heavily worked up once he arrived home and luckily, his favorite release included intertwining your bodies as close as possible and loving you sweetly and slowly.

You took your time in the shower careful not to nick yourself with your razor. You scrubbed your scalp with your nails, letting your stress and soreness melt away under the steam. You waited until the water ran cold before turning the knob and stepping out, wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel and blow drying your hair until it layed perfectly even. You applied lotion all over your skin and stepped out of the bathroom to slip on your black silk robe, knowing it wouldn’t be worth it to dress up further. Spencer would be desperate to feel your skin against his and any fabric in his way didn't stand much of a chance.

You made an actual meal for dinner, a pasta dish with chicken that could be easily reheated for Spencer when he grew hungry later in the night. You helped yourself to a serving and after quickly cleaning up the kitchen and storing the leftovers, you retreated to the bedroom to wait for his return.

You were half paying attention to the feed you opted to scroll through on your phone when you heard the door creak open and bags drop to the floor. You set your phone on the bedside table and ran towards the foyer, all but throwing yourself at the exhausted man in front of you. He took a step back from the impact but still enveloped you in his arms and pulled you impossibly tight into his chest. “Hi baby.” you whispered against the scruffy skin of his jawline, peppering kisses up towards his earlobe. He let out a long sigh of relief and picked you up off the hardwood floor, wrapping your thighs around his waist resulting in a high pitched giggle to erupt from your throat. He kissed you then, slowly at first but quickly building more passionate. Your lungs were burning when he finally allowed you to pull away, opting to kiss down your neck to your collarbones and the skin of your chest that was newly exposed as your robe slipped open.

He carefully made his way back to your room, continuing his kisses back up to your shoulder, stopping only to leave marks you knew would only grow darker as time passed. At the very least he was sure to only mark you in places you could cover with little difficulty. “I missed you so much Y/N. The entire ride home all I could think about was you waiting for me in our bed. My gorgeous girl.”. You felt your chest heat up at his words of admiration, wrapping your fingers into his curls and pulling his lips towards your own once more.

You felt him groan against you and moved to quickly unbutton his shirt, slipping it down his arms and tossing it in the general direction of the hamper. He pulled you up with him then, so you were both on your knees, chest to chest as he pulled your robe fully down your back to the swell of your ass where he grasped at you through the slick fabric. You let out a whine and you pulled his belt off, undoing his jeans desperate to continue. He grinned against your neck and pushed you down so you laid flat on your back, completely exposed to him. He kissed at your stomach, making his way down to your inner thighs. He licked a slow wet trail from your pelvic bone to the top of your clit as you whimpered desperately. “Spence, please… I need more”. He humored you, creating slow small circles with his tongue moaning at the taste. You cried out as he created the perfect amount of pressure on your clit, legs threatening to close around his head when he moved to slip one of his fingers easily inside you as the mix of your own wetness and his saliva aided him. He smirked as he felt your thighs flex before using his left hand to throw one of your legs over his shoulders at a time. He pushed a second finger in, curling them up to perfectly reach your g-spot with every thrust. Soon though, you grew impatient with just his fingers. You needed more and you knew just how to get it.

“I want you so bad Spence. I’ve waited for so long and I just can’t anymore. I need to feel you deep inside of me.”. You were positive those words would leave him just as needy as you were and he proved you right when he kicked his pants the rest of the way off and went to line himself up against you. “Wait.”. He stopped immediately, examining your face for any indication of what was wrong. “What’s the matter baby? Are you okay?”. You shook your head and smiled at his concern before switching your positions so his back was resting against the pillows as you straddle his thighs. He smirked at you as he caught on, trailing his hands up the front of your legs to rest at your hips. “You gonna ride me angel?”. You responded with an eager nod and he squeezed your hips, pulling you up further so you were hovering above him. “Sit pretty like my good girl then.”. You whined softly at his words before slowly sinking yourself down around his length, sucking in a harsh breath at the stretch. Even with how wet you were, the adjustment took longer than usual due to the dry spell you were both suffering from as of late.

When you finally felt stretched out enough to move, you slowly ground your hips forward flush against his. He groaned out, lifting you back up so you were almost completely off of him before pulling you back down. You moaned both at the sensation and the idea of being manhandled by the genius below you. You realized what he was asking though, and began bouncing yourself up and down his cock, stopping every few thrusts to grind your clit down on him. You let out soft moans, and after a few more minutes you felt his fingers dig deeper into your hips and his breaths quicken. You knew he was close and as if on cue you started rubbing fast circles against your clit as he spoke again.

“Baby girl I’m getting close. You gonna cum with me angel?” You nodded furiously in response and you felt him start thrusting up to meet you. You panted as you hurried towards the edge of your orgasm, holding on until his thrusts grew sloppier. “You ready to cum with me baby? You gonna cum on my cock?” “Yeah.. gonna cum all over your cock Doc.” You fought to keep the grin off your face when he moaned at the title. He thrusted deep into you twice, before he ordered your release. “I want you to cum now baby. Cum all over my cock.” You felt your orgasm rip through you, electricity shooting through your limbs. Spencer groaned loudly as you tightened around him before pulling you down deep and releasing inside you.

You both fought to catch your breath as you rode out your highs before you found yourself slumping against his chest, suddenly drained from your activities. You felt him chuckle at your drastic change in energy as he wrapped his arms around you again. “I know you just washed the bed sheets and we’re both sweaty but do you think a washcloth will suffice for tonight?”. You nodded against his chest before slowly lifting yourself up and off of him, rolling onto your back on the other side of the bed. Spencer swiftly made his way across the hall, returning to wipe you down gently with the warm fabric. You shivered as the cool air dried your skin, watching him move throughout your room.

He slipped on a fresh pair of boxers before tossing the washcloth in the hamper along with his previously discarded clothes. He hung your robe on the back of your bedroom door then flipped the light switch off before rejoining you in bed to slip under the blankets with you. You immediately curled up into his chest, sighing contently as the sound of his heartbeat filled your ears. You kissed his chest and whispered goodnight, drifting into your first real sleep since before he left.

The next morning you and Spencer went shopping after you successfully convinced him to upgrade to a smart phone with video call abilities. He had begun to shut down the idea as he always had before but after the mere suggestion of what it could do to better your late night hotel room chats he was the one pulling you towards the nearest phone shop. You smiled politely while Spencer took his sweet time weighing the pros and cons of each model, letting your mind drift to the first time it would come in handy. As you finally neared the checkout counter, you took Spencer's hand in your own and gave it a gentle squeeze. After running his card through the machine, the salesgirl gave him the small plastic bag and wished you both a good afternoon.

As you exited the shop, you looked up at him, nudging him to get his attention “What do you think of an app controlled vibrator?”. He stared at you incredulously for a few moments, almost stopping dead in his tracks. After recovering from the initial shock at the vulgarity of your suggestion, he shook his head with a soft smirk and nudged back against you. “Tease.” he called you once more. “That’s the reason you love me right?”. He pulled you into his side, kissing you softly. “One of many Y/N. One of many.”

#spencer reid #Spencer reid/reader #spencer reid/you #Spencer reid x reader #Spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #cm #Spencer reid smut #smut #Spencer reid x you #Spencer reid fanfiction

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jess-the-vampire · 3 years ago

Note

Sooooo whatya think of the new episodeee?

Oh it’s definitely my favorite episode of the series so far, i was having such a good time at every turn. I’m glad i went out of my way to avoid spoilers, cause i was glad to actually be surprised by some elements on first watch.

I think this had by far the best opening for an episode so far, we finally get back to the villians, we meet the coven heads, we get insight on belos’s plans-

and then belos gets constipated, which starts getting into the more character driven lore, which is the best part. You instantly can tell GG and Kiki have some bit of tension between them to be Belo’s favorite, though granted i wonder if hunter is the only one to know belos is cursed and actually just always insists to help belos with his fits to prevent others from seeing them.

Including kiki.

It’s honestly unclear how aware anyone is that belos is cursed, like him eating pailsmans is apparently not something he hides, but like....i feel him being cursed is something that people would know universally if it got out...so i’m left wondering if anyone knows besides hunter.

Regardless, belos turns into a goop monster with an angry side, and i guess his mask doesn’t transform with him compared to the rest of his body so he breaks it again because i guess he goes though masks like crazy.

Hunter turns away in this scene from his outburst and even though he’s masked here i can already tell he’s most likely pained in these scenes. Like he’s probably seen this happen so many times, and i can’t imagine it gets any easier for him, it’s probably awful to watch belos suffer like this for him (Regardless of the abuse)

And to be honest, it seems pretty painful for him, i think this ep seems to at least confirm whatever this thing is that takes over belos’s body.....belos never actually wanted it in the first place.

Yeah so after Hunter tells belos there’s not enough trees to medicate him anymore, we’re hit with the “UNCLE”. Which, when i first watched it i needed a second to even process the fact they confirmed their relation.

and i was like “CLOSE ENOUGH”, not his kid but uncle still works just fine for me, i’m just happy my assumption they were related actually came to ahead.

And i rewatched this episode a few times, and on second watch i realized more what happened in this scene. Hunter was talking about his interest in wild magic, and making more pailsman to help belos, and some method that could heal him and as soon as belos looked at him he instantly shut down.

He was clearly rambling about wild magic cures for belos because of his interest in it, and then suddenly remembered his uncle hates wild magic and felt super awkward.

It seems highly likely his interest in wild magic came from trying to cure belos and spending a lot of time reading up on the stuff.

And then we get hit with the whole “Our family is dead because of wild magic” line, which.....i’m curious to know what happened there. But it does at least explain why belos feels how he does, if wild magic both killed his family beside hunter AND cursed him in the first place. We’re just gonna need more info on what exactly happened.

Also while Belos is def abusive and does not treat hunter how he should, this scene actually does read off to me like belos does care about hunter to some degree. If belos is cursed and his curse works in similar ways to how Eda’s curse works, then it’s worth reminding ppl that eda mentions early this season how stress can amplify the curse even more.

And sure enough, belos goes goopy on hunter’s shoulder all of a sudden when he grasps him. Which could be considered a sign of stress and that the idea of hunter dying or being in danger actually does stress him.

You could very much also assume this is just due to his curse not being fully handled and just getting worse, or that belos only cares about hunter for selfish reasons....but i’m not taking anything off the table here.

Belos can still be a shitty uncle, and still care about hunter, these aren’t mutually exclusive traits. But we need more episodes for now on this.

But anyways he asks hunter if he can rely on him, kiki is pissed......and we move on.

So i’m glad luz’s impulsiveness is addressed a ton in this episode, they actually bring up a lot of good points. That luz has no plan, that the time she’s spending here might render moot if she goes back to earth, ect ect.

Hunter even calls her out a lot later for not thinking things through, it’s a whole deal in this episode. I’m glad it was brought up cause it’s actually worth asking a lot of these things.

the set up here works, they actually made a good reason for why a pailsman didn’t bond with her. Speaking of which the adoption thing is cute and i love it, it’s a great idea. The designs are all very cute and fun.

Bump face reveal was a lot for me to process, but i find the idea of his pailsman being a pet that can help with his disabilities a good idea.

Also like, i did find it odd that they got staffs so early because we’ve never seen kids their ages with them before, but i guess it’s a new tradition? Does everyone at hexside now have one?

Honesty not sure why batqueen left the nest there overnight, i meant i guess she assumed they were safe with that shield but in context i dunno why she didn’t take them home after the school day was over.

but whatever, luz stays there overnight hoping a pailsman will bond with her and GG just kidnapps them cause of pure luck on his part a bunch of pailsman were in a vulnerable spot tonight.

So GG continues to be charming, by whistling the theme song and then being blasted off his ship hilariously, before cockily teleporting himself right back on it seconds later. Like he and luz have great banter, he’s so extra like this it’s so funny, and god he’s so FAST with that staff it’s scary but so awesome.

Yeah so then hand dragon crashes them and i was so excited cause it meant face reveal. Poor dude looked so in pain and then we find out kiki tried to effing murder him because of course she did. But like, i think killing your boss’s nephew is the WORST way to get a promotion tbh.

(Also i got confused for a bit cause his mask has always been drawn as a mask, but now it’s a helmet in this scene for whatever reason but-)

Anyways, face reveal, Like honestly ppl weren’t too far off with their guesses, really the only thing people didn’t get was the tooth gap (That was fair tho, we couldn’t have guessed that). But it did make him even cuter.

like the banter is funny, he licks her hand, she slaps him, he looks SO pissed at her for this mess.

and i guess that outfit is his under armor apparently.

He’s lucky she didn’t run away immediately and followed him, but maybe he assumed she would since she had no where else to go.

Also his expressions in this ep are glorious, these had to be fun to draw.

Also we find out that the coven team members have never seen his face i guess? They just assume he’s a silly kid and are awful to him, so i guess he’s not only the youngest member of the coven but he never really shows his face much.

(”Call your parents”, ha ha.....whose gonna tell them who his uncle is?)

He is however, REALLY good at parkour and he’s fast even without his staff, so he’s well trained alright.

And then they reveal he’s not magical and i was SO happy cause i was so sure something was up when he wasn’t doing magic like the other witches despite his pointy ears. So they outright confirmed what i thought.

Hunter is pretty smart tho, like he can tell luz wouldn’t hurt him and wouldn’t flee so he knows he has the high ground here. Like he might be being a bit of a dick, but to be fair luz has been nothing but a dick to him throughout the whole episode (Everyone in this episode has been a dick to him tbh)

They team up and i get excited cause i love this kinda stuff and it gets more wholesome because hunter is super interested in her magic, he thinks it’s cool and you can tell how much he actually loves wild magic but then again...shuts himself down because of belos making him fear the stuff.

An then because luz asks, he tells her his backstory.

honestly with how this world treats people who aren’t magically powerful, living and growing up in a world that would find you useless sounds....awful. Hunter must be an anomaly around here, human blood or not.

Luz coming here to learn is different then growing up in a world and being the only one with no abilities and no future without them. Belos provides him with magic and a future, it’s no wonder he stays with him despite everything.

the whole “Found me” thing is weird, cause belos implies they’re blood related and hunter makes it sound like belos semi-adopted him. Which....if he did i dunno why “Uncle” and not “Adopted dad”, but ok....guess that’s for later.

Apparently hunter is important for something tho with the “Titan has big plans for me” thing, not sure what, but-

But yeah as soon as Hunter talked about wanting to make his own future and Rascal tried to land on him i knew EXACTLY where this was going, it was so cuteeeeee. The lil birb wanted to be with hunter, that’s so wholesome.

And he’s so terrified because of belos and what wild magic did to him, the poor bab.

But yeah, luz then trusts him with his staff back, because again....impulsive. But hunter does actually ask if she’s sure, so he might as well be asking if she trusts him.

The plan goes ahead, and hunter nearly betrays her.

though granted, hunter never promised her he’d stop and let her take them away, the truce was supposed to last till kiki was stopped and they were gonna fight out who got the pailsman. But it does bother luz cause she was hopeful he was better then this.

But just like he did before, she calls him out and he doesn’t betray her, because he’s ALSO too nice to do it, just like he said she was. He says his name (Which also took a moment to process), and then beats the crap out of kiki while letting luz get away and protecting her like a badass.

He might not have magic, but he’s good at fighting

like he can easily teleport to luz and take the pailsman, but he doesn’t, he lets them get away and luz knows this. Even though she also knows hunter has to go back to the emperor too and they have to separate.

It’s only slightly bitter terms, because in the end he came through for her and she knows it.

honestly, the worst part is i can’t even be mad at hunter for it, i’m sure he was terrified to fail belos. Both because he loves him and doesn’t want him to suffer....but also because of well...being punished. Really says something when his near betrayal doesn’t even make me mad at him, and i can understand why he nearly did it.

He let her go, knowing he’d be in SERIOUS trouble and that it would hurt someone he actually loves, so....ouch.

so yeah at this point i knew rascal wanted him so it was only of matter of what happened next.

Which was, luz getting the wood, which i like more anyway. Eda and King doing this offscreen and coming home like this is actually very funny, and honestly i appreciate the message of it being ok to wait.....means a lot to me.

yeah so belos is like...being an ass, like the kid tried his hardest, you don’t need to hit him with the “Is this the thanks i get?”. He’s a kid and he’s trying to cure you you dick, give him a break he doesn’t remotely have to help you like this.

Also apparently belos has not even told hunter HOW this happened, like...dude. Hunter is trying to be entirely reasonable here and belos spikes at him, which does imply some physical abuse though the only reason hunter doesn’t get a new scar is because he moves.

but how he reacts implies this has happened before, he is bracing for impact and he flinches. It’s pretty sad tbh, especially since hunter loves him and belos’s respect means something to him.

Belos is such an idiot, like c’mon dude, hunter is trying to help you and you don’t listen to him you dick. Kid shouldn’t have to say sorry for anything he did nothing wrong, he was just trying to help.

Anyways, he gloats at kiki (So at the very least she knows what he looks like under the mask), which he deserves a chance to do anyway. So i guess he didn’t rat her out for trying to kill him, personally my guess why is blackmail.....he was gonna hold it over her head to keep her from doing it again and threaten to tell belos.

But kiki quickly tells he LET the pailsman get away since he was the one to fight her (Curse his cute loose hair strand). So i guess now they have dirt on each other, so that’s fun.

His room is adorable, though the med kit by the bed is concerning.

Rascal comes for him and it;s so cute....though you can tell hunter nearly hurts him on instinct because of force of habit, but it’s so cute how he cares and how the birb loves him and is his new staff.

it was well hinted to as well, it’s so subtle, but the bird being cheery, curious, and his constant habit of escaping boundaries was perfect for hunter. He represents what hunter wants to be and why they got matched is done so well, all without explaining anything.

Hunter indirectly stated his deepest wish, to make his own choices, and rascal resonated with that.

can’t wait to see where this goes.

great ending shot, love me some conflicted shots looking out of windows like trapped birds.

also this title was a pun the whole time i can’t-

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #golden guard #toh golden guard #the owl house golden guard #the golden guard #the owl house luz #emperor belos #kikimora

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fandom-imagines-stories · 4 years ago

Text

Boom

Jason ‘J.D.’ Dean x Reader

Words: 1819

Part One

Summary: Preparing to run away together, J.D. and the reader hit a problem in their plan. J.D.’s father. Things take a turn and J.D. has to decide if this new feeling of love is real enough to die for.

Notes: I know I took forever to write this and I’m sorry! I’m ashamed of how much I love J.D. but here we are. Same as the first part. This has been sooooo much fun to write and I hope that you guys like it! (Again, if you’re at all uncomfortable just skip this)

Warnings: Murder (duh), sex (not smut, but definitly more than I’ve ever done before), language, same as the first part

More 80s/90s: HERE

The backseat of your mother’s car was not ideal for this kind of celebration, but you couldn’t wait to get back to the house, so you found a spot in the forest to pull over. J.D.’s face was buried in your neck and your fingers were tangled up in his black hair. He was in a particularly good mood.

The cops fell for it. Both murders were covered up perfectly. Tommy’s was ruled a suicide and he would forever be remembered as the school pervert. Nobody was surprised by your mother’s death and it was quickly written off as an overdose. The only thing left was to pack. The two of you were getting out of this fucking little town and you were never looking back.

Pressed together like this, you knew that you didn’t give a shit what happened if it wasn’t with him. Looking into your eyes, J.D. reached a similar conclusion. You were what he wanted. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted something.

“Where do you think we’ll go?” You asked, situating yourself on top of his chest. He shrugged.

“Anywhere.”

You settled into a comfortable silence, his fingers lightly drumming on the small of your back. This was actually happening. For the first time in your life you didn’t feel trapped. You could do whatever the hell you wanted. You had gotten away with two murders for fuck’s sake. You were invincible.

J.D. felt different. Hell, he was feeling, which was a different sensation on its own. He fell back onto his bed with a grin on his face. It wasn’t that someone had broken through the ice. It was more like he had found someone drowning underneath the frost just like him.

“Hey dad, how was your day?” His dad asked sarcastically, popping his head in the doorway. J.D. didn’t even look up and his dad didn’t stay long enough for a response. It was more of a routine than actual affection. In just a few hours, it wouldn’t matter anyway. His dad could blow himself up for all he cared. He would be long gone.

He eventually figured that he needed to start packing. He shoved his motorcycle keys in his pockets with a sigh. He’d have to sell it. The two of you would be taking your mom’s old car so you’d have somewhere to sleep, so his motorcycle would have to go.

“The things I do for love.” He snarked to himself. When he opened his drawers, he found them all empty. “What the hell?” All of them were empty, his clothes were nowhere to be found. He stepped into the hall and saw the pair of suitcases at the bottom of the stairs.

“I packed everything up for you while you were gone.” His dad walked by them, looking up the stairs at him. J.D. shrugged.

“Convenient, but why?”

“We’re finally moving out of this shit hole town. On to sunny Florida!” He had that smile on his face that he usually used to appeal to businessmen and other corrupt assholes. J.D. just laughed.

“Well isn’t that just perfect timing?” He bounded down the steps with his chaotic grin plastered on his face. “Looks like we are finally parting ways, son.” His dad faltered.

“What?”

“Goodbye, adios, adieu.” J.D. grabbed his suitcase and started back up towards his room. “Soon, I will be out of your hair forever. You can go on with your life of bombs and demolition and I will go on with my own kind of destruction.” He pat his dad on the head, ruffling his hair like a normal father would his normal son.

“Jason, you can’t just leave.” Bud’s smile strained. “We’re a team, you and I.” J.D. stopped suddenly and laughed.

“Team? Sorry dad, but the only thing we even know about each other is our love of all things explosive.”

“This is about that girl, isn’t it? The slutty one you’ve been fucking around with since we moved here.” He shook his head, chuckling deeply. “You’ll get bored with her soon enough, so don’t bother.” J.D. just smirked smugly.

“Thanks for the advice there, pops, but I think I can handle my slutty girlfriend all on my own.” He started to close his bedroom door, but his dad put his foot in the way.

“You don’t get to leave like she did, boy.”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m not making that mistake again, J.D.” A creepy, maniacal smile spread across Bud’s face. Fuck, I thought I was the only psycho in the family. “Just stay here and I’ll do what I do best.” He moved his foot and slammed the door shut. J.D. heard something scratching and scraping on the other side and quickly tried to get out.

“You locked me in here with a chair? Seriously!” He screamed through the wood. No response. “Motherfucker.” He paced back and forth plotting a very bloody demise for dear old dad when he heard the squealing of tires outside his window. “Where the hell is he going?”

Wherever it was, J.D. wasn’t going to be kept out of it. He tried kicking down the door, but that didn’t work. The only way out of the room was the window, but there was nothing to climb down and he was on the second floor. J.D. unlocked the latch and lifted up the window pane, looking out to see just how far of a drop it was. He’d live.

Without hesitation, he jumped.

“Fuck!” He shouted, pain shooting up his leg from his ankle. He fell to the ground, but was able to get himself on his feet. His foot hurt like a bitch, but he could bare it enough to walk to his motorcycle.

He was at your house in less than ten minutes, breaking every traffic rule in the book. He didn’t care, he just wanted to get out. Limping his way up the sidewalk, he found that your front door was already open.

“Time to go, Y/N. Grab your stuff and let’s get out of here!” He shouted, but the house was empty. Just the strong stench of death and booze that your mother had left behind. Mother. He remembered his dad’s comment and felt a chill. Do what he does best. “Oh shit.” He took off again, heading for his father’s next destruction sight before you became part of it.

You spat, hitting him in the eye as he finished cuffing you to the old hospital bed frame. Bud grabbed you by the hair and slammed your head into one of the metal bars. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of crying. Instead you just glared at him through squinted eyes.

“He’s going to come get me.” You smirked, trying to get the blurriness in your version to clear. “J.D. is going to tear you apart you sick bastard.”

“You can call me all the names in the book, kid, but my son is coming with me.” He tightened the cuff so that it dug sharply into the skin of your wrist.

“When did you become the ‘world’s best dad’?” You scoffed.

“Do you know how much more lenient a judge can be when I’ve got a poor, disturbed teenage boy who depends on me for a living?”

“So he’s just a legal bargaining chip for you? How sweet.” You pulled against your restraints until the metal broke skin. Blood oozed from your wrist and Bud laughed.

“Really, Jason couldn’t have picked a better girl for the job. You’re the most disposable person in this town. No family, no friends, no one to report you missing.” He strapped the main bomb to the other end of the bed and started the timer. “And there will be nothing left of you once this does it’s job.”

“Go to hell.”

“Lady’s first.”

You stared at him, wandering if he was the last person you’d ever see. God, that’d be the real tragedy here. You looked at the timer on the bomb. Less than three minutes. Bud noticed you looking and chuckled.

“I wouldn’t get any ideas. If that one doesn’t go off, there are three more upstairs.” He pointed to the ceiling and then made the motion of it caving in with his hands.

“You’re enjoying this to a creepy level, Mr. Dean.” You snarked. If you could piss him off, maybe he wouldn’t get out in time. At least then you’d take him out with you. “What, does blowing up 18-year-old girls get you off or something? Is that why your wife killed herself?” He tensed and balled his hand into a fist.

“You think you’re really cute, don’t you, you little bitch?”

“No, but your son does.” You smiled sarcastically. Bud just rolled his eyes and turned to leave, meeting the barrel of a gun.

“Hey there, son.” J.D. growled. Bud held up his hands.

“Jason, I can-” The gunshot ripped through the small space, making your ears ring. As his dad’s body slumped to the floor, J.D. shrugged.

“Sorry, tiger, I’m not in the mood for a monologue.” He knelt in front of you, eyes darting to the timer on the other side.

“Jason Dean, knight in shining black trenchcoat.” You laughed, pulling again at the handcuffs. He moved over to his dad’s body, searching his pockets but coming back empty handed.

“Shit.” He muttered under his breath.

“What is it?”

“No key.” J.D. ran his fingers through his hair, switching his attention to disabling the bomb. Your face fell as the realization hit you.

“It’s no use. There are more upstairs that are going to go off even if this one doesn’t.” You slumped against the bed frame. His greenish gold eyes looked back at you and for a second you though you saw a hint of panic. You really did love him. “You should go.”

“What?”

“Get out of here, J.D. You don’t have much time.” You tried to keep calm, but your body was betraying you. Your arms were shaking and your face felt hot. You weren’t scared to die, but you were scared to die alone.

“You really think I’m just going to leave you here?” J.D. shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed frame. “Hate to break it to you, but you’re stuck with me now. Afterlife and all.”

“J.D…” You sighed. He silenced you with a hungry kiss.

“What did I say after we killed that douchebag ex of yours?” He pulled you closer, snaking an arm around your back. Your lips pulled up into a smile.

“Our love is God.”

“Our love is God.” He repeated, his eyes sparkling. This time, you pulled him in for the kiss and you stayed pressed together until-

Boom.

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination; @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks Christian Slater: @staxryskxes

#heathers #chaos is what killed the dinosaurs darling #our love is god #jason dean #J.D. x reader #christian slater #80s #death #murder

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kitkatopinions · 4 years ago

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I’m probably over thinking/over complicating things but Ironwood and Penny have been really bothering me. It because prior to the moment that destroyed Penny’s arc the show and Ruby were really pushing that Penny not matter her body was human and that’s a very positive I like that especially when it comes to characters of Penny’s nature.

So my problem kicks in when I think of Ironwood. Namely this part in his song:

“What if it's true as they say

That I don't have a heart

That I'm more a machine than a man?”

Like wtf. I mean I “get it” especially with that dumbass line of Winter. But when it’s talked about Ironwood it was always in reference to the fact that his body is half robotic and there for we are meant to see the correlation between his body and his character.?

Put next to Penny’s message that really bothers me. Even more so since Penny gets a “reward” of becoming human, but the writers push that Ironwood sacrificing his arm to stop Watts and replacing it (a medical decision that could be debated given that he wanted to be up and able immediately to handle things not to mention that fact that nerves and muscle are severely fucked up) with a new (uncharacteristically uncovered) prosthetic means that he’s moving away from humanity. This thought has been driving nuts for a week.

I don’t think you’re overthinking at all. The writers have been pretty blatant about what they think of disabled people.

On the topic of James, 1. They wrote their triple amputee character to be coded as losing his humanity. This is suspect from the get go, but writers imo need to be especially careful and sensitive when they display things like villains with prosthetics. CRWBY is not careful and sensitive. 2. They specifically connected the loss of his limb to the loss of his humanity outside of the show, and as you said, his new prosthetic is uncharacteristically uncovered as well, and there were some pointed shots showcasing his arm and emphasizing it before showing Ironwood doing something wrong as well as a shot that particularly bothered me of them having James fall to Winter when his aura broke and then them immediately flashing to a fallen, broken robotic soldier. Tying the loss of someone’s humanity to them losing a limb / gaining a prosthetic in any way is wrong imo. There are better ways to display someone’s loss of humanity than villainizing the loss of his arm, and I don’t care what justifications people have for ‘they just meant to say that he was too impatient to-’ Idc. Tying the loss of humanity to the gaining of a prosthetic is wrong. 3. They never once treated Ironwood’s clear PTSD, history of mental health problems, and trauma with any sympathy, instead spending their time ragging on him for not wanting to feel his pain anymore and condemning him for... Trying to control his emotions. 4. CRWBY also gave him a semblance and explained how it worked by saying he hyper focused, talking about how James’ passive semblance that he can’t control forces him to focus on one single goal and fixate. I’m not disabled, but I do hyper fixate. It’s not something I can control, and to see it used as a justification for evil (in one of my favorite characters in the series who reminded me of my father lol) and being treated as something bad... It doesn’t feel good. I can’t imagine how other people must feel who are much more affected by this than I am. 5. As you say, the writers go out of their way to reference his metal body as being more ‘machine than man’ and make lines about him being heartless. And yeah, I get that he’s an allegory for the ‘Tin Man’ from Wizard of Oz but ffs the Tin Man had always had a heart and I honestly thought that was what they were going for in V3 with Qrow commenting that sometimes he thought James didn’t have a heart and the audience seeing Ironwood’s actions as questionable, only for the entire show to tell us repeatedly that he actually is a caring and good person who’s willing to destroy all the forces he was proud to show off if it means saving lives and was actually pretty freaking blameless in the Fall of Beacon and was super kind to the kids and when the chips were down, Qrow and Glynda both absolutely knew without even questioning that James would never ever willingly hurt the world or fully betray them and had absolutely no hand in the Beacon attack. Like, I’m sorry, but between Penny and Ironwood, season eight is the season of taking well done character allusions and throwing them out the window for the exact opposite moral done incredibly poorly. And anyway, getting off of that rant, making a ‘more machine than man’ sentiment tied around a triple amputee character is incredibly harmful and hurtful to people with disabilities and only propagates the real world stereotypes against people like James.

So, yes, their treatment of Ironwood, his mental health, and specifically his disabilities was so badly done, harmful, incredibly insensitive, and frankly, appalling that it came from grown adult writers in 2019-2021! But, as you point out, it’s not just Ironwood. And here’s where things really get bad for CRWBY. Because Ironwood alone is enough for me to say they were ableist - unintentionally or otherwise - and ought to apologize for the hurt they’ve caused their fans. But when you get into the rest of their treatment of characters with metal prosthetics or non-flesh elements to their body, it becomes a pattern.

Penny’s entire body is removed from her on threat of death, with the justification that it’s hurting her and that her body is just a machine and not part of who she is, contradicting Penny’s earlier themes of self-acceptance and validating her humanity in the body she already had. She then dies by assisted suicide in a way that feels unneeded, after having asked to be killed earlier in the narrative. So many people have talked about how destructive her story became in V8 and how it personally hurt them, especially non-binary people, trans people, autistic people, or disabled people who saw themselves in Penny or saw in her arc something that they could relate to, only to have Penny’s differences stripped away from her, having her conform to normal body standards and have her previous body type invalidated by her friends, and then they had her killed via assisted suicide in an unbelievable way, insisting as well that she never made a choice before she was a flesh-person and couldn’t feel things right. It’s all horribly done, but it’s important to remember that while Ironwood is accused of losing his humanity as he loses a third limb and gets a third prosthetic, Penny’s earlier validation is taken away and is instead only granted and she is only justified as a person when she loses all her ‘nuts and bolts’ and becomes a flesh person. And then she’s killed anyway.

Yang’s prosthetic is the least ill handled, but it is still dismissed as ‘just extra’ despite her former fairly strong arc of coming to terms with her disability and making it a part of her. She casually justifies what’s happening with Penny despite Penny not being in a position of adequate consent. Yang’s trauma and PTSD also vanished when Adam died at the end of season six and in my opinion, that situation was handled very badly.

Maria and Pietro, two other disabled characters, disappeared, left when Amity fell and were not even mentioned iirc since. Not even when Penny is awake, not even when they’re evacuating, not even when Penny is choosing to die. She never brings up her father. And Ruby’s supposed ‘mentor’ who never had an actual narrative role that couldn’t have been filled by Qrow and has had nothing to do since season six even past that is also forgotten out in the tundra and not mentioned again.

The writers go out of their way to have Winter say that because she was just following orders (a statement that contradicts her previous character imo) and pushing down her emotions, she was the real machine, whereas Penny had been human underneath her apparently easily tossed aside and destructive previous metal body. And I don’t know if this means anything, but in that scene where she and Penny meet when Penny is dying and transferring the maiden powers to Winter, Winter is in her V7 character design, instead of wearing her assistive brace. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m reading into that, but with everything else, it feels like an iffy choice.

So yeah. In the past season CRWBY specifically cultivated a pattern of disrespect, dismissal, and villainization of any non-flesh attributes in my opinion. It seems pretty intentional and clear to me, but I’m willing to accept that maybe this was just a wildly bad uneducated mistake. Here’s the thing about that, though, after the Faunus/Racism allegory, the CRWBY writers should’ve learned their lesson and not touched on any real world topics that they weren’t willing to do the research on and treat with the sensitivity and care and respect the topics needed. Their Faunus/Racism allegory was harmful and hurtful and frankly could’ve sunk them in the water, they should’ve learned to put much more care and effort into their work or stayed the hell away from anything that could further spread the negative stereotypes surrounding real world people. But they didn’t learn their lesson and they’ve continued to push harmful narratives with no awareness or sensitivity. I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all, I think this is something that - intentionally written or otherwise - the writers should be called out on, or they’re just going to continue writing harmful narratives.

Also, I am not disabled, many of my opinions on the treatment of these characters comes from posts I’ve seen from many disabled or neurodivergent RWBY fans (or former RWBY fans,) or other people more affected by these narratives - minus the thing I said about Winter appearing without her brace when she talks to Penny, as it was something I just noticed while typing out this post. Since I’m not disabled, I’m not the best person to talk about these things, so if I got anything wrong in this, anyone more affected, please know you can let me know and I can edit and fix.

#rwde #rwby bashing #anti rwby #anti crwby #anti MKEK #rwby hate #if anyone comes in the comments invalidating or justifying I'll block #pro james ironwood #pro Ironwood #ironwood defense

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theboywantscoffee · 4 years ago

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The Handler is really a fascinating character to me as is her dynamic with Five and how alike they are. Get ready because I’m gonna go on a tangent about them.

I think it goes without saying that in many ways The Handler and Five are very similar people. They’re both pragmatic, goal orientated, cold, and quite simply, both willing to do absolutely anything needed to achieve what they want despite the repercussions others might face at their expense. They both lack a significant level of humanity, something that clearly is a requirement to be able to do the work they do/did at the Commission. They are constantly at a battle of wits and attempting to one up the other, both proving to be a formidable foil to the other consistently throughout the show.

Where things start to contrast between the two is how they grew to be the people they are now. With Five, well, we know why he is the way he is. Five isn’t simply just a product of his childhood. Yes, he still retains a good level of characteristics from his youth into adulthood (arrogant, brash, sees himself as better than everyone else) but Five ultimately was sculpted into the man he is today due to his time subjected to the apocalypse and then shortly after, the Commission.

The apocalypse did a number on Five. It isolated him for over four decades. It tore layer after layer of humanity away from him until he was left so distanced from other people that segueing into becoming an assassin was like second nature. It forced him to become entirely dependent on himself for survival in every aspect of the word. Physically, of course, he had to take care of all his basic survival needs; food, water, shelter, first aid, etc. Mentally and emotionally? He created a whole ‘nother person in the form of a mannequin to help him retain any semblance of either of those things. It damaged Five so deeply that afterwards he was left almost entirely incapable of empathy (key word, almost), unable to ask others for help/acknowledge he needs help, and able to see assassination as a reasonable means to justify an end.

Five was left broken by the apocalypse. He is a product of it. And after going through that traumatic ordeal, he was offered a way out but only through accepting employment at the organization that sat by and allowed his suffering to go on for decades. (I’d love to go into the body modifications/DNA manipulation but that isn’t canon compliant for the show anyway (yet) so I won’t). He was transformed into the perfect killing machine. He took the lives of anyone and everyone who stood out of line by the Commission’s standards. Many who I’m sure weren’t actually bad people (ex, Lila’s parents), but because they were deemed irregularities in the timeline (or they were someone who The Handler could benefit from their death, ex Lila’s parents), they had to go. One doesn’t complete a task like that regularly without lacking a level of morality or connection to fellow humankind.

But The Handler? We don’t really know her back story at all, so perhaps this is going out on a limb here, but I can at the very least say that she did not go through what Five did. There is really no one in the series whose backstory can equate to Five’s. And while I am not entirely excusing Five for being a shitty person sometimes, he and The Handler are very different in the fact that while he was sculpted into one, I think The Handler was just born an awful, monstrous human being. Actually worse than Five. And you know why?

The Handler isn’t even capable of love or empathy or putting anyone else before herself. We don’t see this at all, not even once. The Handler does things strictly for the benefit of herself and no one else. Even when her own self proclaimed daughter asks her if she ever loved her, The Handler doesn’t answer and then proceeds to murder her. Que sera, sera. (Whatever will be, will be). No remorse. No regret. Nothing.

Five, for all of his faults and flaws and uh, murder, still remains more connected to humanity than The Handler. Despite everything he has experienced, everything he has lost, he still has an inkling of heart that’s still beating for others left in him. Because Five still does love and care for people - his entire life purpose is to keep those people, his family, safe and alive, even at the expense of his own happiness and life. Five puts his family before himself every episode, every damn step of the way. He survives 40+ years alone and then works as an assassin for an unspoken measurement of time, all to save his family.

The Handler throws up the front of being a people person and charming. And she does it really damn well. But in reality she is not morally gray. She doesn’t do some good things and some awful things. She is just all around horrible. She employs Five, again, to work for the organization that tore so much away from him. She dangles the idea of a new body before him, gives him a suit with the claim, “clothing make the man, Five,” as if he isn’t something to be taken seriously in his current physical state, as if he still isn’t the man who survived a lifetime in the end of the world and becoming an assassin. She claims that Five owes her because she ‘saved him from a lifetime of being alone’, which in actuality she watched and allowed him to suffer exactly just that. (I have another meta on here about that scene in particular, which you can read HERE). She tricks Five into murdering the board so she can assume power, all under the guise of claiming to help him get his family back to 2019, only to then use him as a scapegoat in their assassination. She literally kills him (almost) and all of his siblings. She writes the kill order on Lila’s parents, lets Five kill them, and then kidnaps Lila all for her own benefit. She continuously lies to her, ultimately betrays her, and kills her too. She sees zero wrongness in kidnapping a disabled boy from his mother so she can transform him into her weapon just like she did Lila. There isn’t a single instance in the entirety of the show where The Handler shows even an ounce of regret, only shock and anger when things don’t go her way. She is power hungry, merciless, and quite possibly even deranged with how unemotive she is towards other human beings.

And one more thing I want to touch on with The Handler that is a bit of a controversial topic in the show - her handsey-ness with Five. Her unnecessary touching and closeness. I am a firm non believer of the idea many have that her and Five used to be involved romantically or physically in any way. I think it’s quite a reach to imagine Five trusting her whatsoever at any point during their time knowing one another. Five is observant as hell and smart - I just can’t see him ever having an ounce of trust in her, especially with again, how she blatantly admits to him when they first meet that the Commission has been watching him for some time. So no, I don’t think her creepy touches with him have anything to do with a former fling (even if Kate or Aidan play into it that way or claim they might have in the past - sorry, headcanon not accepted lol).

I view her behavior as demeaning. I see it as her being condescending towards him, like, “Oh, see how you betrayed me and now look at how you fucked up. Small and weak and nothing to be taken seriously.” She treats him like the tiny child he has physically become and she does it to make him feel inferior and like he has no control of the situation he is in or his life. It’s a slap in the face, a reminder of what he has done to himself because he left the Commission, and she does it because she knows how much it bothers him to be perceived that way. Everything she does and says around Five, she does to make him feel small.

All in all, I really do love The Handler. Do I love that she played a larger role in season 2 than Carmichael? Absolutely not. I don’t love what her character did for the writing or the plot of the show and how it backburnered a lot of things. I think they missed out greatly on a character who was already a fascinating antagonist to Five (Carmichael). However, Kate Walsh is an absolute delight to watch on screen. Her and Aidan have great chemistry and play off one another very well and their scenes are certainly some of my most favorite to watch. I think The Handler is an amazing villain and keeping her as a female as opposed to a male Jon Hamm esque actor as they originally were intending to do was a great idea IMO. I love a female bad ass, even if she is a villain. I’m sad we won’t see more of her purely because she is so fun to watch (and her wardrobe is utter goals) but I’m definitely ready to move on to the next set of antagonists for our favorite dysfunctional family.

#the handler #five hargreeves #number five #tua #the umbrella academy #meta #kate walsh is still a fuckin queen

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okurrroye · 4 years ago

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Ok all I wanted was to laugh about John getting curb stomped but the Ayo tag is a fucking nightmare like wow

Disclaimer I have shit memory so if I say something that doesn’t add up fact wise let me know. But I’m pissed off so here we go-

(FYI all of your opinions should be kept to yourself, so don’t comment if you fail to read my entire post so thanks)

I know this has been discussed, but there are things that have been left out of the argument, or hasn’t even been considered when it comes to the big I speak no I see no I hear no evil scene y’all making it out to be of Ayo disarming Bucky. So gather around here’s the part where you hear me out without scrolling off regardless of your stance on the situation, because I’m here for all opinions afterwards.

First off I can’t even understand why this is controversial at all considering the history that led to this moment. Oh wait I lied it’s literally because either you have your head to far up Bucky’s ass or because he’s a man or because he’s white, or because *ding ding ding * all of the above. And now you’re mad because how dare this black bitch have the nerve-the audacity to do that to poor little old Bucky (now insert the part where you either scroll off, or put your two unwanted cents in before I finish). And this is where you all want to use the empty ass belief that ThE aRm Is A gIfT, or empty ass excuse tHaT’s HiS aRm. Also someone else pointed out well if they didn’t trust him than they shouldn’t have given it to him in the first place. Which yes all are true, but also not at the same time. *Gasp* yes somethings can not be one or other, because ✨ grey area ✨.

Now I don’t know what world you’re living in where you think a gift can not be taken back, and I use the term gift loosely because you can’t even call it that honestly. Because in reality the whole reason he has the arm in the first place is because he needed a new one for infinity war like duh, why have crap heap that’s easily damageable when they can make an indestructible one, to live or not to live like it’s not a hard choice. Then he disappeared for five years so it would be kinda difficult to get an arm back that doesn’t exist anymore. But by the time everyone came back I think an arm was at the bottom of their to do list, or not to mention the fact well it’s already been made, and you probably don’t know how to properly function without both arms yet and can’t afford a normal one yourself so why not just keep it instead of wasting all the time, effort, and resources of making it, but idk I guess that’s a stretch. But since people likes using the gift excuse guess what, a gift is just something you couldn’t afford to do yourself so someone else was kind enough to do it for you (^^^), but in every other since of the word it really belongs to them not you. So let’s give an example shall we, now your parent(s) gave you something you wanted (shit someone else may have bought it for you) but you fucked around and got in trouble and now you’re grounded. Now depending on your parent(s) you’ll either get your ass beat or your shit will get confiscated, or both if you fuck up enough. Now do you think you have any right to say what they can or can’t do? -Yeah I didn’t think so and if you thought otherwise well here comes round two of another ass whopping or the first one if you’re lucky. Or on rare occasions some (white) kids don’t get physically disciplined, but you’re still going to pay the price regardless.

So same situation (yes I know I can’t compare an amputees arm to an object, but I only say that because Bucky is more than that, more than just a arm) but also very much not because in Bucky’s and Ayo’s situation it is much-MUCH worse obviously, but apparently it’s not obvious considering that there’s a debate in the first place. Or in other words you think Bucky’s feelings-FEELINGS are more important then Ayo’s and Wakanda the truth. Which is you’re lucky that it was only his feelings that got hurt, because she (and Yama) could have killed him and everyone else in that room easily so let’s all thank Ayo (and Yama) for her kindness and mercy first and foremost, also for not taking back both the arm and the shield completely. Because that arm and shield is Wakandan property ok so let’s get that straight, so she had every right to take it if she wanted to-whenever or wherever (which also falls into the part where the Dora does has jurisdiction there, and almost anywhere else since most likely every country wants or have vibranium now, and because Wakanda could literally flatten the whole world so yeah they’re going to have a legal pass because who’s gonna want to fuck with them) but she didn’t key word didn’t which should’ve been a clue they would never take the arm or shield back because he is disabled considering even after what Bucky (& John) did.

Not only is it the property of Wakanda but it’s from the only place that was willing, and did help Bucky in every way a person could be helped literally saving this man physically, mentally, and emotionally- like please. Specifically the royal family themselves firsthand which need I remind you is related to the former King that was killed by the man that Bucky escaped from prison without discussing it with them first. That same King, family, and country that Ayo is from, loves, and is to serve and protect. That she will-IS sacrificing and dedicates her life to...she failed them all-failed herself when T’Chaka was murdered like bruh- like that should speak for it self like that is the ultimate betrayal like he literally spat in their fucking face, especially Ayo’s considering she’s the one who gave Bucky back his mind, his freedom and after all that after everything they did for him they still didn’t trust him, and betrayed him by not telling him he had a fail safe in his arm?! Yeah-no big sike, anyone with a brain knows prosthetics because here’s the real kicker ITS NOT HIS ARM thus it’s O M G...removable. Yes you read that correctly r-e-m-o-v-a-b-l-e. Now put that together with the fact that Ayo is highly skilled and an overall badass I don’t think it would be that hard for her to fucking figure out how to dislocate it with a few pressure points considering that’s literally the whole point of striking a pressure point (if he still had his arm then that hit would’ve stopped it from working, but since it’s fake that mf popped right off). Pressure points are used to disable someone, thus Ayo disabling a disabled by disarming his arm to deescalate the situation go figure. It wasn’t a fail safe it’s just skill and common sense that everyone failed to have in the moment and used as a last resort because oh no Bucky’s face, like boo fucking hoo he did it to himself by breaking their trust first, and defending that bitch. Instead of him waiting for the Dora to have Zemo in custody first, what did Bucky do instead? He had the fucking audacity (and that’s how you use the word) to use that same arm against Ayo, against Wakanda. That speaks volumes considering out of respect as a friend or whatever close bond they have (because they definitely have a connection after what they went through together) Ayo still gave him a warning, and time to do what he had to do before they came for Zemo’s ass. Let it be known she didn’t have to do that at all because her loyalty is to and should be to her country first but in those eight hours it wasn’t, it was in the trust of their friendship so therefore she literally was endangering her well being by giving Bucky just that courtesy, and I don’t think you all consider her position in that predicament and thanks to Bucky she could’ve gotten her status revoked, thrown in jail, or worse killed for disobeying orders because let’s not forget Chadwick unfortunately has passed away, and thus it’s a fact that T’Challa is no longer in charge since Marvel will respect that with tampering with his character, so I don’t want to hear she would’ve been just fine because we’ve seen how the royal counsel has a big say on what goes and doesn’t go considering they did not give a single fuck about their own next of kin, Erik who has every right as them, but would have easily killed him just because he was an ‘outsider’ if T’Challa didn’t speak up for him (I mean they abandoned him while leaving him to fend for himself, killed his father and covered it up so wouldn’t put it past them). So if you think when Ayo fucked up again about retrieving Zemo because she trusted, and helped this outsider over her own kind she definitely would’ve been considered a traitor and be punished for her actions.

Can you imagine the hurt, and betrayal they felt? No apparently not, because it’s all about how he’s disabled and how could she take his arm (like uh she literally left it, and the shield for them to keep, and it’s not like he would’ve died without it to begin with unlike Bucky who was willing to sacrifice Ayo’s entire livelihood) when the fact that disabled people say constantly for others to stop putting their disabilities before them, and how they’re just as capable as everyone else. “They are a someone with a disability, not someone who is disabled,” which is absolutely true, because they’re more than that but everyone seems to forget that all of sudden when Ayo detaches Bucky’s arm (I wonder why) and all of sudden he doesn’t have control of his own body like what- he literally used his entire body nonbrainwashed to stab them in the back like miss me with that bs. Him spending five seconds without his arm doesn’t compare especially since they forgave him without even at least an apology at that.

Detaching his arm was a warning that he needed to learn, because they were letting him know, and I emphasize that that arm does not belong to him so how he dare try to use it against the people who gave it to him after they fed, housed, and freed him when no one else could, or would when he’s done nothing in return while as a repayment was being a fucking ingrate. All the while facing no consequences, not even the need for a fucking bandaid *mic drop*.

#and this is coming from someone who fucking loves bucky #and not to mention when ayo did remove his arm I had the same reaction as bucky did lol #like that shit hit me too ok but y’all are something else #I’m so sorry this came out longer then I expected #but like the racism in this fandom I just can’t #like it’s not that deep #but dumb asses and racists need a reality check #bucky barnes #ayo #wakanda #marvel mcu #the falcon and the winter soldier #captain america and the winter soldier tf #tfatws #caatws

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sunflowersupremes · 4 years ago

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I think, respectfully, that there is a lot of people who misunderstand what Yennefer’s storyline is about. Yennefer’s storyline is not actually about having a child. She says she wants one, because she dreams of being loved unconditionally. But that’s not the crux of her character arc. Yennefer’s storyarc is about autonomy, freedom and choice. It’s also about abuse.(1/7)

I’m not sure if this is a responce to Why Yen’s Storyline is Frustrating to me, A Childfree Woman or if it’s a responce to Jaskier is Better than Yennefer so I’ll link both.

I’ll agree with you that her storyline is about autonomy, freedom, and choice. As I specifically said, I was fine with the idea of ‘I can’t have kids and I’m bitter about it’ as it was presented in the books. My biggest issue was that Netflix fucked it up and turned it into some sort of ‘overcoming disability is strength torture porn’ (because of the weird surgery that she was awake for) and also went into ‘womb magic’ which is just.... nah.

When Yennefer of Vengerberg was fourteen years old, she was sold to Aretuza. She had no choice in the matter and no means of escape. She was told over and over again that her only real path to power is to follow the path set forth by the Brotherhood: She learns, she ascends, she takes the transformation, and she becomes a powerful, admired mage who can create her own legacy. To do this, she is told she has to give up a part of herself.(2/7)

Yeah slavery is bad.

And yes, the sorceresses go through a lot of shit.

But they’re also incredibly spoiled and privileged once they get out of school, so don’t forget that. It’s specifically stated in Season of Storms that the mages could make everyone on the continent immortal and immune to disease but they choose not to because they like having power over poor, non magic people.

If Yen really wanted to fuck over Aretuza she would share her knowledge and make the world a Utopian paradise, but instead she’s all “me, me, me” and just wants a baby, fuck the poors.

Yennefer is not someone who is sterile for a medical reason. She was not born this way. She did not give up her reproductive ability as part of a medical procedure to save her life. This isn’t even a matter where the use of magic lowers her fertility naturally (as is implied, I believe, in the books.) Yennefer of Vengerberg was eighteen years old. She was promised everything she’d ever dreamed of. And she also knows what happens if she fails. (Anica says hi from the eel tank).(3/7)

I never said Yen was sterile for medical reasons, I said that her storyline was dangerous to people who want that sterilization.

Just like how JK Rowling’s book about a crossdressing serial killer is dangerous to Trans folx despite having no Trans characters (I know this is an extreme example, it’s all I could think of).

Things don’t have to be exact for people to draw correlations if they have no other experience with that thing.

But like you said, that’s not how the books handled her infertility, and there’s my whole problem. The books which were written 30 years ago by a man somehow handled this better than a show written in 2020 by a woman and that’s insane.

It is not clear that the Brotherhood would accept no for an answer. She was also very desperate and not necessarily thinking clearly. She’s discovered that she was betrayed. The person she trusted gave her secret to people who are now using it to screw her over. She’s desperate. She makes the choice. And then, she learns that everything was a lie. The power and respect are non-existent.(4/7)

How is it not clear that they would accept no for an answer? Discount Dandelion was already putting his tools away when Yen came to him. He was done doing surgeries. He is clearly uncomfortable performing the procedure on her.

She spends thirty years cleaning up messes of people who are happy to insult her as soon as she’s not doing what they want. She’s not going to have a legacy at all. Neither Yennefer, nor the show itself, has ever tried to say that a woman needs a child to be complete. But what did happen is that Yennefer was abused and manipulated into making a huge sacrifice for absolutely nothing. And she’s incandescently angry about it.(5/7)

She didn’t make a sacrifice for nothing. She got a lot out of it. In fact she got exactly what she was told she was going to get: power, beauty, and magic.

You just said she can create her own legacy and now you’re saying that she needs a kid for her legacy so????

Children are not your legacy. Full stop. That’s ridiculous. Children are indepent, free thinking humans who do not owe their parents unconditional love.

It’s not about a child. Not really. It’s about having choices taken away. If being an Aretuza sorcerer required celibacy, she’d be having a hundred orgies. If it forbade marriage, she’d be hunting for spouses every day of the week. She has convinced herself she wants a baby, because it represents what Aretuza stole from her.(6/7)

LIke I said before, if she really wanted to fuck over Aretuza she could help poor people without demanding money and share their magical secrets, but she doesn’t do that because it doesn’t directly benefit her. That would annoy them so much more than one random chick having a baby.

Is that a great reason to have a kid? Probably not, as Geralt points out. But let’s be honest, there are plenty of uterus having people in the world who have children for worse reasons, or sometimes without any reason at all. Why shouldn’t Yennefer have that right? Why should Yennefer allow herself to be deprived from something she never really understood she was giving up?(7/7)

Just because other people are having kids for bad reasons doesn’t make it okay for Yennefer to do it. If that were true then everyone could do anything to their kids and just say “yeah, but the Duggars” and we’d have to accept it.

No you’re absolutely valid that she’s abusive

(I’m not sure if this is the same anon or not)

Yeah I wish Netflix would acknowledge this more. Yen is much more complex than they showed. Instead of giving us random people watching her and Istredd fuck they should have developed that out more.

They took away everything that makes Yennefer an interesting character and just tried to turn her into a Super Feminist who Can Do No Wrong (tm).

They don’t acknowledge her complexities, they don’t acknowledge that she’s abusive, they don’t acknowledge that she’s still incredibly spoiled and immature despite being fucking old as balls.

Mostly because I think it’s important to show that Geralt, a physically strong, large and able bodied man, is still able to be a victim of domestic violence and sexual assault.

#Anonymous #answered ask #my post #yennefer #headcanon

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cuntess-carmilla · 4 years ago

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Thank you. I was thinking about this all of today and then some other stuff happened (I had to sprint but I needed to stop almost immediately, and near the end of my work shift my shoulders just gave out and made me want lie down and cry) but I still felt a lot of trepidation because I felt like I might be taking up space others needed.

Like, I have ADHD which is technically disabled but since it’s not, say, autism I didn’t feel right identifying. I keep defining myself in relation to other, “worse-off” people than fully able-bodied or nt people, and I feel ashamed for thinking I’m “that bad” to call myself disabled, since I’m able to do a lot more with minimal blowback, and I pass fairly well.

I think it’s something I have to get used to, especially as I had to give up on sports or certain activities I love and getting my issues medically checked out during a pandemic is slow-going. (And certain issues make it hard for me to fix others, etc)

Again, thank you for your thoughtful response. I really needed the validation. I don’t know if I’ll ever ‘improve’ but it’s nice to know that I’m not... faking it?

I'm so sorry your day went like that, it sucks so bad to have your body betray you like that when you need it to behave most.

Now, you can disagree with me on the following (which is fine), but to me ADHD and autism are the exact same thing being given different names depending on a variety of factors, including bias from professionals diagnosing us and whichever one is "trendier" to diagnose at the time. They have the same symptoms. No person who considers themselves ADHD wouldn't perfectly fit the criteria for autism, and no person who considers themselves autistic wouldn't perfectly fit the criteria for ADHD. This doesn't mean you have to start calling yourself autistic. If you've found better resources, and communities that fit better with you through considering yourself ADHD, that's great and no one should take that away from you. I fit the criteria for ADHD too, but I feel more at home in autistic spaces, I have much better affinity with autistic politics and activism, and feel that my needs are better addressed through the autistic label.

(I'm not offended jic) Not to mention how autism is a spectrum, so a lot of autistic people, such as myself, can mask very well, but we're still autistic, so if the internalized ableism that's been pushed onto you makes you measure yourself against how much better or worse you have it than autistic people... Which autistic people, sweetheart? No autistic person is like another. My siblings and I are all autistic, we were raised more or less similarly by our parents, our parents are autistic as well, and we all express our autism in wildly different ways, with different levels of impairment in different areas.

You probably already are aware of this but I'll say it anyway just to reinforce it: you are you. You shouldn't define yourself in unfair comparison to others. Even if someone does objectively have it worse than you, it doesn't mean you're not disabled, it means that, as disabled people, both of you have different impairments and needs, which is NORMAL. No two disabled people have the exact same needs or levels of impairment. All in my household except my dad (who has arthritis instead 🤪) have the same 3 chronic illnesses. We share DNA, we coexist in the same environment, eat the same food more or less, and, much like with the autism, our illnesses express themselves in different ways. MCAS is barely a problem for me unless you consider that next time a bee stings me I'm literally going to die and we have a bee hive we legally can't remove 🙃. MCAS affects my brother even less, but it affects my mom and sister so badly, especially my sister. That's just one example. So, yeah, it's time to deconstruct the notion that your disabilities must be as bad as other people's to count. You count, you still deserve help and a community of people who'll truly understand you.

All of that said, I'm so glad I could give you the validation you needed. I'm so glad you know now that you're not faking it. It's a horrible feeling that too many of us experience.

#anonymous #disability

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canyouhearthelight · 5 years ago

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The Miys, Ch. 78

Okay, I checked. This is actually chapter 78 :)

Thank you, again, to @zommbiebro for the name of the colony. This will be way more important than people realize.

As runners-up, @baelpenrose and @iguessthisisme, thank you for the names of Else’s new habitats. While the reason isn’t given (you are free to mention them in the comments), they did rank as the runners-up.

I made an appointment with Miys to continue our talk about other species next week and sent messages requesting a small meeting in my office. When I arrived, Alistair already had everyone seated and was handing out drinks. Dropping into a chair, I grabbed the one Tyche passed me and took a deep sip, narrowly avoiding a sputter when I realized my coffee had at least one shot of whiskey in it. “Geez and fuck, Worthington, what are you trying to do to me?”

Taking the cup from me, he inhaled deeply before apologizing. “It was meant to be coffee with Irish crème, not Irish coffee.”

“Whatever, give it back.” Pinching the bridge of my nose to avoid the looks I was inevitably getting, I made a blind grabbing gesture with the other. “By the time this conversation is over, I may need this to be sans coffee.” I inhaled deeply before looking up. “We have a problem on the Ark.”

“That’s nothing new,” Tyche pointed out. Beside her, Antoine gave a regretful look of agreement along with an eloquent shrug.

Groaning, I arched an eyebrow at Arthur Farro, who sat across from Tyche, on my other side. “You see how often this kind of shit happens?” With that, I launched into what happened in the corridor with Miys, specifically the crowd of people plowing into us. When I finished, I held up a hand to stop the outpour of questions from Farro and focused on Antoine. “Can the update to receive proximity alarms be disabled?”

“In theory, yes,” he answered hesitantly. “But I’m uncertain if the entire implant would have to be disabled in order to do so.”

“Our hosts should be able to tell us if the implants can be turned off,” Alistair pointed out.

“Mmmmm… you would think so. But I asked, and apparently they didn’t even think we would be able to understand any of their technology, much less futz around with it on the scale needed to create the proximity alerts in the first place,” I explained.

Tyche nodded firmly. “That means we use our secret weapons.”

“Derek?” The question came from our resident former-warlord, who was still not used to our shorthand.

“And Zach to run herd on him,” I confirmed. “If we can determine whether it’s just the update or the entire implant that’s disabled, Derek can turn the right thing back on and lock user privileges down so they can’t be messed with again.”

Raising one hand for attention, Antoine ventured a point. “Are we - is the Council - okay with the ethics behind forcing people to use the translation implants?”

My head dropped heavily onto the tabletop. I hadn’t even thought about that, but he had a point.

“We can argue ethics later,” Tyche interjected. “First, we have Zach and Derek determine what part of it isn’t working. If it’s the update, there isn’t anything to worry about, since the Council already agreed that it was in the best interest of the ship as a whole to make the receiver software compulsory.”

Thank you, little sister. When I lifted my head after a silent prayer, I saw Farro giving Tyche an evaluating glance before turning to me. “So. Were these the same people you two mentioned at the dinner?”

“I think so.” Opening my datapad, I pulled up the questions he sent me. “So, on that note, since that’s why you’re here…. ‘How large are the groups?’ I would say three to seven people.” I tipped my hand back and forth in a vague gesture.

Tyche nodded. “I tend to watch my data pad as I walk but the groups aren’t too big. Five-ish? Sometimes more sometimes less? Not suspiciously big though, that I can say for sure.” She opened her own copy and tackled the next question. “Any frequent meetings...The clusters seem to be everywhere, but it's the whispering and watching that make me uncomfortable. I'm face-blind, though, so I couldn't tell you if these are the same groups.

“To be honest, meetings happen all the time on the Ark. Granted, there are generally fewer after the misunderstanding with Else - “ Alistair scoffed so hard I was worried for his sinuses, but I ignored him and plowed on. “but I would definitely say nothing overt enough to stand out.”

Before I could reference the next question, Farro pre-empted me. “Have you noticed people from these smaller groups interacting with each other? Or groups combining, mixing?”

I had to roll my eyes that one. “Dude. It’s literally my job to get people to interact, so the only answer you’re getting to that one is ‘all the damned time’.”

He turned to Tyche, eyes hopeful. She just gave him a smirk. “What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino?” When he looked perplexed at her non sequitur, she leaned forward. “Ellephino. Faceblind, remember?”

Scowling, he shook his head. “You handle staffing… how the hell do you do your job?”

"I do it damned well, if I do say so myself," she waved off his complaint. "Which I do. Voices, body language, key accessories... Been doing it my whole life."

“Fair,” he shrugged, seemingly satisfied. “Sophia, have you noticed if it’s always the same people who are clustered up?”

I couldn’t stop the groan that question elicited. “Arthur. There are over nine thousand people on this ship. It would be nearly impossible to be sure.”

He grumbled something about ‘no self preservation’ and ‘what happened to proper paranoia’ before asking the last question. “Please tell me someone at least noticed if they got noticeably quieter when any outsiders came near them?”

My sister and I exchanged glances before I responded. “Eyeah. Kind of why they stand out.”

How did Farro avoid getting dizzy when he rolled his eyes that hard?

Antoine cleared his throat, catching everyone’s attention. Leaning forward in his seat, he ran a tired hand through his hair. “Tyche mentioned these groups to me a few days ago. I’ve been keeping an eye out and while they aren’t the same groups, there are the same people with new groups, sometimes two at a time in the larger gatherings. Much like a very hushed spreading of word about….something. I have no idea what of course. I’m usually on my way to either medical or a client.”

“Wait,” I held my hand up for a moment. “Same people with new groups? What do you mean? Like, intermingling groups of these people?”

“Think of a social butterfly, but more secretive. There are some I recognize from other groups, but surrounded by different faces. Mingling but spookier.”

Tyche nearly choked on her drink. “You’ve been around me too much. ‘Mingling but spookier.’”

“At least someone noticed something useful,” Farro grumbled.

“Hey!” I complained. “I get that you’ve got a theory, but you don’t have to be rude.” I scowled at him.

Okay, maybe I pouted.

After a moment of deadlock, I took a drink of my coffee and arched a brow at him. “You know. If you told us what exactly your theory was, this would go a lot better. I get that you’re used to working on your own, but you’re asking questions that are leaning into things we aren’t going to notice. It’s like… asking a vet if they’ve noticed any fleas lately. Even if they don’t just ignore them outright, it’s nothing remarkable.”

“A cult,” he admitted, sitting back and taking a drink of his tea, only to glare at it like it betrayed him. Getting up, he went to dispose of it and asked the console for a hot, fresh cup. “People suddenly acting weird, closing off others unless they make the first move? Cult, all day long.”

“That’s pretty overt for a cult though. Most of the time, it’s hard to tell when someone is part of one. They were surprisingly common back Before,” Tyche immediately interjected, having suddenly gone eerily serious. “I’ve known former members. They creep in.”

“Not that overt,” he pointed out. “Scientology.”

“A fake religious movement, that if not for a certain celebrity wouldn’t have gotten so much attention.”

“Oh, completely fake. Not even the founder believed the bullshit he was slinging,” Farro agreed. “But, it was also a very overt, definitive cult.” He started counting on his fingers. “There’s also Jonestown and the Manson family, as far as cults that withdrew from society, although the somewhat limited space of the Ark makes it easier to just get quiet instead of trying to isolate.…” he trailed off before seeming to snap out of his thoughts.

Tyche groaned at the point. “And the non-religious ones, such as multi-level marketing and pyramid schemes.”

“Of which there were several in the latter half of the twentieth and early twenty-first centuries,” I pointed out. “Very famous and popular ones, actually. So. Being overt doesn’t mean this couldn’t be a cult.” My stomach twisted at the idea of something like that forming in the midst of our chance to be everything good we had the potential for. It felt like someone doused the Mona Lisa with acetone.

“To be fair, it could also be a more harmless, mysticism based situation like the legionary sect of Mithras in ancient Rome, so we don’t necessarily need to assume the worst - just plan for it, in case.”

“If we concede that this could be a cult,” Alistair volunteered, “I feel it would be wise to discuss the matter with Councillor Hodenson.” Deafening silence followed his statement, broken only when he squinted at our group in confusion. “Grey Hodenson? The Councillor for Research and Sciences? Who was raised in a cult?” Another emphatic squint before he sighed and threw his hands up. “Unbelievable. For a group of supposed geniuses, you all show a breathtaking capacity to overthink things.”

“I believe we should also include Councilor Kalloe,” Antoine advised. “As the Councillor for Health and Safety, it is imperative that she is kept abreast of the situation, even if it is unfounded.”

“It would also give us a stronger likelihood of a majority in the Council if it came to a vote,” Tyche confessed. “We’d already have three out of six, would just have to convince one more.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” I groaned. “But yeah, subject tabelled for now, until we can reconvene.” I forced myself to sit up straighter. “Now, enough bad news. Tyche, Antoine, someone, give me some good news.”

Antoine spoke first. “The portion of Else that is not in coldsleep is adapting well to its new habitats. It is quite pleased with the compromise, and reports excitement at the opportunity to speak to more humans.”

My eyebrow arched before I could stop myself. “Do I even want to know why that is in your purview?”

“Therapy is therapy,” he shrugged eloquently. “Adjusting to new environments is stressful for all living creatures, even those not known to be sentient.”

Alistair added, “Additionally, a nebula has been located that is determined to be sufficiently large and ferrous enough for Else to colonize. They have determined to name the nebula Esperia, to symbolize their origins with humanity and their hope for the future. When we locate a similarly suitable planet or planetoid, they have decided upon Redemption, or the equivalent in whatever language they have evolved by that point.”

“Wait,” Farro stopped my assistant. “You mean to tell me that a bacteria decided on a name for two colonies before we could decide on one?”

“Only by a breath,” I smirked, opening an alert on my datapad. “Apparently the name for our new home was just approved by the Council. Good news indeed.”

Several seconds of silence followed as everyone stared at me intently, with Tyche and Alistair pointedly ignoring the similar updates they had just received. Finally, my sister broke. “Are you going to share, oh mighty Councillor, or does everyone have to wait for me to leave and spill the details?”

Laughing, I gestured my concession. “The name that was agreed upon, by a five to one majority within the Council, is Von. ‘In Norse religion, Ragnarok is the end of the world, followed by a period of rebirth and renewed hope. Our world has already ended, this we agree upon to point that we have all simply named the chain of events Before, The End, and After. The new colony will be our renewed hope, our opportunity to be reborn as a better people. In that spirit, I put forth the name Von, which simply means hope or expectation in Icelandic. Nothing could be more fitting for our new home, after our own Ragnarok’.”

Heads nodded in agreement. “That’s a good name,” Alistair admitted. “Not my suggestion, but still good.”

<< Prev Masterlist Next >>

#the miys #humans are weird #sci fi #original writing #apocalypse #aliens #humans are space orcs #original fiction

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trylonandperisphere · 4 years ago

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Are you suffering from 2020 election burnout? You're not alone.

Covid-19 depleted our bodies’ ability to process stress months ago. Then election season arrived.

Oct. 31, 2020, 5:00 AM EDT

By Anne Helen Petersen

Like so many other people I know, I’ve spent the least eight months figuring out how to spread out my Covid-19 and election-related stress in a way that makes everyday life livable. I metered my anger; I figured out anxiety-diluting strategies; I got through one day of uncertainty and fear, then the next, then the next. I created basic, anchoring routines for each day, and I worked to cultivate spare moments of peace and something that approximates happiness. I figured it out because I had no other choice. My life wasn’t great — but it was bearable.

It’s not just fears of contracting Covid-19 or anxiety about who will win the presidential election — it’s more, “How will my community and my state and my country recover from this physical and economic calamity?”

But this week, my body began to tell me a different story. After all these months, my anxiety dreams began to incorporate Covid-19. In them, I show up in a store or to an event and I’ve somehow forgotten my mask, or everyone else has. My sleep, which had largely steadied, is beginning to disintegrate again. My misophonia — an actual medical condition in which particular sounds, especially chewing, make you feel like you want to bang your head against the wall — is off the charts. My stomach churns, my muscles ache. I feel totally scattered, unable to concentrate, sensitive to everything.

My partner’s migraines rolled in every day for the past week. No one I know was sleeping well. Once-manageable conditions — tinnitus, hot flashes, colitis — have spiraled out of control. All of our already bad digital habits, especially doomscrolling, have gotten worse. As I sit here writing, a devouring headache has traveled up my spine, over my skull and into my jaw bone. “All my coping strategies are failing,” one person told me recently. “I am coming undone.”

It’s not just fears of contracting Covid-19 or anxiety about who will win the presidential election. It’s more, “How will my community and my state and my country recover from this physical and economic calamity?” And, “Will American democracy be dismantled?” It’s constantly wondering: Are you doing enough? Do you have any more hours, more money, more desperate energy to give? What more can you wring out of your already wrung-out self so you can change the direction of this country?

There’s also the knowledge that there will be no catharsis on Election Day, because the president and the GOP have quietly and not-so-quietly been setting up an infrastructure to ensure that any win will be contested. Imagine running a marathon, seeing the finish line and then having someone on the sideline yell that you need to turn around and run all the way home. That’s what this election burnout feels like. The unknowns — about the virus, a potential cure, just how long all of this will last — just continue to cascade. The approach of winter feels like being in a dark tunnel closing in on both sides. Your fatigue accumulates gradually, until one day you realize you’ve been struggling to breathe for weeks.

The foundations of this stress are not new, even if they are new to some people. For years, a lot of white, middle-class people in the U.S. have been insulated from the reality that an election could have dramatic effects on their lives. President Donald Trump pulled that privilege away and introduced bourgeois liberals to what BIPOC, poor people, queer people and disabled people have been feeling for centuries. Feeling unsafe in public spaces, uncertain that law enforcement will protect you, fearful that certain rights could be taken from you without warning — for millions of Americans, the stress and threat was always there. But the thrum of constant worry has started to feel like someone screaming in your ear.

Imagine running a marathon, seeing the finish line, and then having someone on the sideline yell that you need to turn around and run all the way home. That’s what this election burnout feels like.

What’s changed is that our surge capacity — the body’s ability to process stress — was depleted months ago. We have so much grief and nowhere to put it. When you can’t process something, it builds up, like bile. And no matter how creatively or diligently you try to ignore it, it’s still there, slowly festering. At some point your body begins to betray your best compartmentalization strategies. Our dreams have become vivid and terrifying because sleep is one of the places we allow ourselves to confront our sadness and fear.

This sort of chronic instability, and the burnout and exhaustion that accompany it, fundamentally changes us. In some cases, our bodies and minds force us to check out entirely. We turn inward, become apathetic and withdrawn, neglect the effects of our actions on others and indulge our worst, most selfish and desperate selves.

If that’s what you need to do in order to keep going just one more day: Do it. But dropping out of civil life — of caring — is a worst-case scenario. What you can do, at least in the short term, is take the advice of my friend, clinical psychologist Darcy Lockman: Lower the bar. Now, look at that bar, and lower it again.

That philosophy can apply to basically everything in your life that you, personally, control: your appearance, the cleanliness of your house, your to-do list, your parenting, even your relationships. What is actually essential, and where can you give yourself some much-needed, even if temporary, slack? How can you give yourself the smallest — but nonetheless substantive — break from the relentlessness of your life right now?

If, like me, small measures of control make you feel better about a lack of control elsewhere, what’s something that will give you some form of short-term catharsis? You’re not the only person in your life who feels like things are falling apart, even more than they were falling apart before. Ask your friends in the group chat. Actually talk to your partner about it. If you have kids and they are old enough, talk to them, too. Our struggles can feel unique and unknowable to anyone else. But just admitting out loud that you’re feeling broken can produce something like strength.

I’m still oscillating between hope and despair, between believing the polls and rejecting them, between imagining the possibilities of radical, wide-ranging societal change and steeling myself for four more dark years. But the exhaustion we feel at that prospect is, as Dahlia Lithwick pointed out in her recent piece on the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett, the point. If Republicans can’t win the popular vote, they’ve decided to win by simply wearing down the opposition: in the courts, in the legislature, through disinformation and on social media.

If Republicans can’t win the popular vote, they’ve decided to win by simply wearing down the opposition: in the courts, in the legislature, through disinformation, and on social media.

This arduousness has not been accidental. The response to this virus didn’t have to be another battle in the culture war. Voting doesn’t have to feel like a mythical hero’s journey. Applying for unemployment, taking a Covid-19 test, feeling confident that people will respect rules about masks — none of it should be this hard. That difficulty was always the point. Make things hard, and infuriating and time-consuming, and eventually people will give up — or at least fall in line.

The rallying cry that emerged in the wake of Trump’s election was resist. Resist normalizing Trump’s behavior. Resist his policies. Resist the spread of Trumpism — and resist his vision for America. Some people have been resisting for as long as they can remember. And others, new to this fatigue and fear, are arriving at new stages of empathy and solidarity. All of this resistance has exacted a steep toll. But if you’re on the brink of falling apart, it’s not a symptom of failure. It’s evidence of bone-deep care and commitment to a different vision of what this country can be: for yourself, for your family and for those who are nothing like you but deserve it nonetheless.

Be gentle on yourself these next few days. And remember that part of what we’re fighting for is to never feel this way again.

#election #2020 #2020 mood #2020 election #u.s. politics #u.s. election #self care #mental health #stress #anxiety #depression

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inkribbon796 · 4 years ago

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Crackdown Ch. 2

Chapter 2: Little Wooden Soldiers

Summary: The heroes go to arrest three of Dark’s closest enforcers, and things seem to be going unusually smoothly.

A/N: Illinois, Bim, and Yan’s scenes are happening at the same time.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

Twenty minutes before Dark’s standoff with the heroes, Eric and Illinois were running around what should have been an abandoned warehouse but was full of a local gang that was being mind controlled by some cursed cat totem, it was also summoning stone creatures that ranged from human-like to amorphous amalgamations of rocks.

They ran around the warehouse like maniacs, Eric screaming and exploding rock statues into dust and rubble, and Illinois was close by taking care of the actual humans.

With the totem contained and its former human puppets unconscious the two quickly made out and left, Illinois calling the cops so that the gang would be arrested. This made sure the neighborhood was safe from them and Dark had one less rival group to deal with. Eric quickly changed out of his costume so they could walk hand-and-hand to a diner they liked to go to.

“So it do-doesn’t summon cat-s?” Eric frowned as Illinois slid the totem into a little pocket Void space in his hat. They were crossing a park to save on time, only a couple people still in the park.

“Nah,” Illinois put his hat back on his head and took Eric’s hand again. “Be cool if it could, be funny to watch probably. I know Kay would like something like that.”

Eric giggled as they walked out onto the street, “Tonight’s been a lot of fun.”

“Always the plan, dulcito,” Illinois winked, clicking his tongue and tipping his hat.

“So wh-ere are we go-ing?” Eric asked, smiling.

“You know,” Illinois smiled widely at him, nudging him a little as they stopped just shy of the sidewalk. “We go to Shannon’s and then, I don’t know, it depends on if you’ve got patrol early tomorrow.”

Eric blushed, looking away shyly, smiling.

“Nah,” Marvin cut in, snapping his fingers and a large magic circle that took up almost half the park. He jumped down from a tree as both Eric and Illinois’s feet became magically locked in place.

“Yer grounded,” Marvin told Eric, pointing to him as Marvin summoned giant playing cards that were glowing in a way Illinois did not like. “An’ adventure boy here is goin’ ta jail where he belongs.

“D-on’t h-h-urt him,” Eric choked out, pulling his away from Illinois’s hand, his hands erupting into dozens of explosions on his fingers and palms.

Abe stepped over, he’d been hiding behind a tree and had a TASER in his hands, Jackie zipping in to stand next to him and Marvin. “Come on, kid, this guy’s one of Dark’s most loyal enforcers, he’s bad news.”

“I’m fu-cking tw-enty,” Eric was starting to get frustrated.

“Dulcito,” Illinois called out, and Eric looked back at him. “It’s okay, I won’t even stay the night.”

“They ca-can’t just ta-ke you,” Eric reminded, his voice choppy with agitation and frustration. “Wh-What-ever ha-ppened, you were with—”

Illinois leaned in and Eric met him with a kiss. “We’ll have to take a rain check on that dinner date, sweetheart, but I should be out in an hour or two, even if the Old Man does post bail.”

Eric was escorted away from Illinois, the young hero looking upset and betrayed at Jackie as Marvin disabled the circle and Abe immediately started reading Illinois his rights and cuffing him, but he made sure his wrists were in front of him where everyone could see them. “Illinois Jones, you are under arrest for conspiracy, murder, and theft.”

As Abe started reading his rights, Illinois looked over at Eric and tried to give him a reassuring smile. A car drove up and Illinois let himself be put in the back with Marvin who looked braced to summon up something to further restrain him.

As they drove away, Illinois noticed that Eric was safely away from you. Illinois glared at Marvin as the magician plucked his hat off his head. “If you destroy that it doesn’t get rid of the magic.”

“Yeh should have called Dark when yeh had the chance,” Marvin reminded, the mage knew there was a little bronze that summoned Dark to Illinois’s location but he couldn’t see it. “Why not?”

“Pardon me for being a good boyfriend and not wanting to get him hurt,” Illinois shot back.

“I think yer scared ‘a Dark,” Marvin accused, a smug smile on his face.

“Unlike almost everyone in this town, I’m not afraid of Dark, I’m just not interested in playing meet the parents yet. Unless someone can bring Derek back from the dead so I can properly acquaint him with the heel of my shoe.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Marvin dismissed in disbelief, the Irishman’s attention turning to his communicator. “Package secure, how’s everyone else?”

“Dorm 5 Killer under arrest,” Amy answered.

“We’ve got our end over here,” Bob answered.

“We’re done,” Bing spoke up, “heading back to the station now.”

“We’ve got Dark but who knows how long he’ll stay distracted,” Chase said over Marvin’s communicator.

~::~ ~::~ ~::~

Inside the infamous radio station that still ran Wilford’s program, despite all the stabbing and shooting he’d inflicted upon his various “guests”.

Bim was wrapping up shooting for his show and was excited to watch his dad work. The young show host had descended from the stage to find Wilford in a disagreement in the green room.

The argument was winding down by the time Bim walked in. But the event meant that Wil was already a little worked up and everyone already knew someone was going to wind up dead, and Bim was already starting to get the starting itches of a craving and if someone died, Bim might not need to hunt someone down. It wouldn’t even be the first time Bim had picked from one of his father’s mad kills, even if it took some of the fun out of the hunt.

“What happened?” Bim asked Wil, following him back towards the stage where they were setting up for Wilford’s show.

“They switched out one of my segments and only now just told me,” Wil grumbled angrily, his strides angry and purposeful. Then the madman saw the reason for his ire, a man who was in a tan trench coat with bandages over his eyes. He was talking with the show runner while he sat on set.

Wilford stomped over and Bim was braced for the gun to come out and blood to spatter the set, but as Wil started talking to the new interviewee Wilford seemed to be visibly calming down and eventually went to sit down.

Surprised and more than a bit disappointed, Bim threw up his arms and started back towards the green room. He’d wait for the gunshot there, Dark and the Producer were the only two who could stop his dad mid-murder.

So he waited and turned on the monitor to watch Wil as the show started. But as he watched his father open the show, he felt something like a heavy, invisible blanket fall over him and he was suddenly alone in the room with four heroes all in the room with him.

“Bim Trimmer,” UFO floated a bit off the ground, Amy’s hair tied back so it couldn’t be grabbed. “You’re under arrest for the murders and disappearances of ten people.”

As she began to read him his rights, Bim felt the room almost constrict around him. Robbie and Ethan were with Amy, Nate sitting in a chair by the door and the instant Ethan had pulled his aura dampening over Bim the singer began strumming slower music more befitting a lullaby. The result of Nate’s powers and Ethan’s dampening, unlike most other heroes, made Bim feel weird. The aura he’d inherited from Dark and Wilford fought being compressed into the ground, and for the first time in Bim’s life it could be visibly seen. It wasn’t the thrashing aura that Dark was infamous for, it clung to his body like a dark grey cloud that was tinged with purple.

“Get off!” Bim growled, his aura attacking Ethan’s like it was a virus, and Ethan reflexively pulled away.

Bim’s hand got halfway to the lapel of his suit coat and the bronze star hidden behind it that Dark had given him over fifteen years ago, scanning the room before his pride got the best of him, and he quickly pulled out his switchblade that Wil had etched with Bim’s name on the handle.

“You all have a death wish or something?” Bim demanded, his aura invisible again with Ethan’s aura dampening was off of him. “Do you even know where you are?”

“Wil’s not coming for you,” Nate reminded, still playing lullabies and classical pieces. “He gets tunnel vision on set, and nothing short of blowing the building will make him save you.”

“I can protect myself!” Bim spat. “I don’t need anyone to save me.”

Hidden by Ethan’s aura, Robbie appeared behind Bim and slammed his balled up fists into the back of Bim’s head and aided with some magical cuffs sewed into his sleeves the spell was strong enough to knock him out.

Bim dropped to the ground and slumped onto the ground. Everyone in the room froze, braced for Dark to show up but after a minute nothing happened.

“That was way too easy,” Ethan warned suspiciously as Robbie carefully picked him up.

“Let’s just get out of here,” Nate decided, subtly trying to hide how he was rubbing his arm. “Before Wil comes to his senses, or Dark finds out.”

Ethan extended his aura around them as they began to take Bim out of the station, Nate taking up the rear and Amy in the front. The whole group froze when a gunshot rang up, the death of the guest Wilford had second on his show.

But when Wilford settled back into his chair like a surly child, the heroes finished taking Bim outside to the same armored car they put Wil into whenever he was arrested. The car keeping his magic contained as he was driven to the police station, Bim starting to slowly come to as he was cuffed and Amy was contacting Chase and the others to let them know their part of the mission was a success.

~::~ ~::~ ~::~

Unlike the heroes had to do with Dark, Illinois, and Bim the third group didn’t have to worry about leading Yan into a trap. All it took was ambushing her in the street with one of Bob’s almost see through barriers.

Yan was slashing at Bob’s barrier with her katana, screaming in a mix of Japanese, English, and Korean.

“Look, we’re not going to hurt you,” Wade was trying to calm the angry, homicidal young woman from hurting anyone but at this point they might need to just stand here and wait for her to tire herself out. “We’re just taking you to jail with your brothers.”

“Fuck off!” Yan screamed at them.

“Here, let me try,” Patton smiled.

“Sure, knock yourself out,” Wade shrugged, stepping away. “Go nuts, pal.”

Patton moved in and placed his hands on the barrier, “Hey, you’re Yan right?”

She shouted something at him in Japanese that sounded as angry and insulting, as it was rude and loud.

“I’m Captain Morality, nice to meet you again,” Patton smiled, keeping his tone calm and even. “Look, we can’t let you out if you’re going to hurt people.”

“The only one I’ll hurt are you assholes,” Yan spat, but at least she wasn’t screaming which was a good sign. Patton was calming her down.

“So, we’re taking your brothers to the station and we want all of you in the same place,” Patton told her.

Yan was quiet for a bit as Patton kept trying to calm her down, with almost an unsure tone she asked, “Is Artie going to be there?”

Patton looked over at Bob and Wade who shrugged. So Patton leaned in, “Is that one of your brothers?”

“My biggest brother,” Yan smiled sadly. “He went off with my other brother and they never came back. The Old Man said he and my other brother work for the heroes now but I haven’t seen them in years.”

“Well,” Patton hummed, knowing the name Arthur wasn’t on the list but remembering what the Host had told him. “We’re trying to get all of you guys together to ask you a couple questions, so, yeah, he will be there.”

Yan chuckled a bit, “You won’t get Artie, he makes people disappear.”

“Well, we got some people that are hard to make disappear,” Patton promised.

Yan rolled her eyes and laughed at that, in a way reminded Patton strangely of both Dark and Wil, but that made sense to him because she had apparently lived with them for so long.

“So,” Patton smiled, “we’re going to bring you down to the station, and if you’re not going to help us we’re going to have to roll this thing all the way down there, and you might get motion sick.”

The young villain thought on that, clearly weighing her options. Wade and Bob held their breaths.

“Fine,” Yan grumbled, “but only because Artie might be there.”

After that Yan was more than a bit silent after that, just letting them arrest her and take her off in a car, Bob riding with them so he could make sure she didn’t escape and stayed in communicating with Chase and the other team leaders.

“You’ve got some freakishly creepy powers,” Wade told Patton.

“Oh, sorry,” Patton’s smile vanished.

“Nah, you’re not the only one like that, it’s just I rarely get to see it up close cause you live in the Gainesville area,” Wade apologized. “It’s just a good thing you’re one of the good guys.”

“Yeah,” Patton looked away nervously. “My powers are probably why the Host put me with you guys instead of UFO like Silver wanted. Think the others are doing okay?”

“Yeah,” Wade reassured. “I think they’re fine, they would have told us otherwise.”

Patton and Wade followed their group heading back to the police station.

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autismisaokay · 5 years ago

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Can you explain to me terms of low-support, mid-support and high-support autistics? With examples, please. I'm struggling to understand which one of them is me.

Low Support Accommodations- People who have fewer accommodation needs. People who were under the diagnosis of Aspergers or PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) or still are depending on the country where you live might identify with or get put under this. Or if you use the American DSM terminology it would be who fit under the criteria of ASD1.

Mid Support Accommodations- People who are somewhere in the middle support area of accommodation needs. Usually, people who go under what is considered classical autism. For DSM terminology it would be ASD 2 or 3.

High Accommodation Needs- Usually people who have intellectual disabilities and classical autism will get put under this one. They need intensive care in these areas and often. More often ASD 3 fits and 2 as well.

THAT WAS THE IDEOLOGY, (and to make things easier for insurance purposes) however it just doesn’t really work they way because autism is too person-specific. Every person has a different set of support needs that vairy and you may lean more to one than the other but it’s still not exact.

The best way I can explain it is through my own experiences so bare with me.

Low Support- For communication skills, when I’m doing okay or when I’m speaking with friends, family, teachers or just generally people I like I fall under the low support. I can be shy and not talk a lot but overall I can keep up with a conversation and contribute to it and lately I’ve been working on eye contact. (Even though it’s extremely painful and awkward but I want to do this) When I’m really used to being around you I’ve often been told things like, “I forget you have autism.” (Which hella rude by the way and not a compliment or a “fun fact”)

At the same time I had to buy commiunication bracelets because I still struggle with telling people I don’t want to talk to them or to leave me alone when it’s people I’m not close with.

I can make my own appointments and order a lyft to go to them. But I have massive amounts of anxiety the whole time and mask during all of them. At the end of every appointment, I need to take a nap to charge my batteries or an hour of alone time. This is just for going out in general actually even if it’s something I wanted to do. If I don’t have the time after to recuperate it can lead to a meltdown, shutdown or burnout.

I can do my own shopping.

Mid Support- Cooking: I have a hard time cooking for myself. My roommate does most of the cooking for me. Before I cook anything I have trouble comprehending the directions and will ask for help multiple times before I do anything. I don’t know what to do with measurements. Or when they say “take out when looks ready” for oven stuff I’m just like “Yeah okay.” In the most sarcasm coated way possible. I often get winded during the processes as well mentally and physically. If the directions aren’t as specific as possible my food may suffer for it. Despite this I still can technically cook for myself it’s just more of a struggle for me than many people.

It also helps if I make big amounts of food when I have the energy for it so I do less cooking.

I’ll also just completely forget to cook myself something even if I put a timer on I’ll just ignore it sometimes and say “Oh I’ll get up in the next 5 minutes.” I rarely ever do. Which brings me to my next topic.

Transitioning time: My body moves slower or more panicky (I guess panicky fits, yeah) than many people and I need longer transition time or a heads up. If I’m in class I need to pack up early or I’m going to be late for my next class. I need to make sure I have everything in the right spot and do a double-check. Because when I do it the way that neurotypicals do I always forget something, make spills, or just general tomfoolery is displayed at my expense by my own body betraying me.

My body also is really slower than most peoples due to the fact that doctors weren’t specific but they said it did have to do with me being autistic and my Dyspraxia.

I remember being in the hallway in high school trying to move around the overcrowded hallways. It was very crowded and everyone was moving much slower. Then I hear behind me “Oh my god mooove…”, “Move,” “Move.” Then a loud “Move it freshman!” One of the upperclassmen literally pushed me down a flight of stairs where my lunch ripped everywhere and I broke my braces on the stairs. On top of it, everyone laughed at me except for one kid! Because somehow I was moving slower than an already slow crowd. For those of you followers and mutuals who have been with me for a while, you are now most likely starting to piece together why I don’t talk about high school much.

High Accommodations- I can’t think of any off the top of my head for me but someone with high accommodations may need an aid to help them through everyday life. They can’t feed themselves, dress, bathe and have very little communication skills. They need someone to make their appointments for them and bring them to them. They can’t do their own grocery shopping and pick out their meals and plan for them themselves. They also may not be able to do chores on their own. However this all is so, so, an example and not how all high accommodation people act and are.

Everywhere- Moral Gray- My moral gray comprehension skills and dealing with them fluctuate form Low, Mid, to High. But it’s always been a big thing for me.

These are only some examples but I hope it gives you a better picture and again just an example it is all person by person. Which is why insurance companies, doctors, and just people in general need to start accomidating to the varations and not just one support need type. Let people be multipe types basically because that’s what it is.

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #accommodations

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barbariccia · 4 years ago

Text

Shepard: What did you find at the other colonies?

on the way to freedom’s progress, we have a quick briefing with jacob and miranda, who clue us into the situation. so far we’re having a real mystery with the disappearances; there’s no signs of attack or struggle, no corpses, no alien matter. nothing but empty colonies gone dark.

it’s a... nice enough little place, if a little dark and dreary for the lack of people. lights turn on when you enter buildings, like the place has been waiting to welcome someone back home, and jacob remarks that it’s like everyone got up and left in the middle of dinner (though the set dressing doesn’t accurately reflect this so much as have some empty food trays on some tables).

but the closer we go into the complex, the more we know we aren’t alone. there’s mechs up and running; we can hear them moving around. and they’re hostile. the moment they see us, they open fire.

nothing for it but to keep on going. we open the door to one complex, and--

everyone draws their weapons - the three quarians, and our little cerberus team. it’s tense for a long moment, and then a decidedly familiar voice cuts that tension like a hot knife through butter.

the quarians she’s with aren’t happy about lowering their guns in front of cerberus operatives, but tali orders them to stand down, and turns back to us, her eyes shining through her helmet with disbelief. she’s upgraded her clothes! no longer wearing drab greys, since finishing her rite of adulthood she’s added some of her own flair into her appearance to a much more recognisable pattern, something that’s mature and still undoubtedly her all at once.

Tali: Shepard? Is that... you’re alive?

Shepard: Tali’Zorah, you served on my ship. You know what I do to people who threaten me.

Prazza: Damn it, Tali, this is bullshit! Why would your old commander work for Cerberus?

Tali: I don’t know. But if this is shepard... I don’t know. Shepard would have a reason.

yeah, my reason is “apparently i owe them a life debt for posthumously saving my body and i’m not happy about it”.

Shepard: We can discuss the specifics once I know why you’re here.

Tali: One of our people was here on Pilgrimage. His name was Veetor. We came to find him.

Shepard: Everyone else is dead. What makes you think Veetor survived?

Prazza: We saw him when we landed.

Jacob: You saw him? Then why isn’t he with you already?

Tali: Veetor was injured, and he was always, ah, nervous--

Prazza: She means that he was unstable. Combine that with damage to his suit’s CO2 scrubbers and an infection from an open-air exposure, and he’s likely delirious.

i’m not sure i ever got the chance to originally talk about the quarian design during my me1 playthrough, so this is a good a time as any to bring it up! the quarians dress the way that they do because they all have weak immune systems. now living in sterile conditions, they easily become ill if exposed to open air, which was always the case as their home planet had very few pathogens with which to infect them. anyone wanting to safely removing their suit must take immuno-boosters, medicines and other supplements, and there will always be the element of danger in this act. so for a young quarian, not considered a full adult yet, on a foreign world, to get sick...

tali tells us he’s hidden in a warehouse across town, and we decide to work together, much to the distaste of her crew.

Shepard: Your people really don’t like Cerberus. What did I miss?

Prazza: They killed our people, infiltrated our flotilla, and tried to blow up one of our ships.

Miranda: That’s not how I’d have explained it, exactly. It was nothing personal.

I DON’T KNOW, SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING PERSONAL TO ME.

we move in two teams, and soon enuogh, prazza and his group race ahead rather than going slowly and helping us disable drones as we go. after a while, tali harries us on, urgent.

Tali: Veetor reprogrammed a heavy mech! It’s tearing Prazza’s squad apart!

Miranda: They did want to get to him first.

i will not dislike miranda for the things she says without knowing her better as a character i will not dislike miranda for the things she says without knowing her better as a character i will not dislike miranda for the things she says without knowing her better as a charac----

tali opens the door for us, and we get to see just how good the quarians are at fighting.

... muy excelente.

we shoot the thing apart. tali’s off to the side doing what she can for her people, but it’s kind of a hopeless cause, and we leave her to it to unlock the door veetor’s hiding behind. within...

Miranda: Great. We come all this way, and our only witness is a babbling idiot.

this is the first time we can perform a renegade or a paragon action; you have your gun out for the renegade action, and i presume shep shoots the screens dead. the paragon action has shepard tinker with their omnitool and close them down peacefully; veetor turns to face us, finally.

Veetor: You’re human. Where did you hide? How come they didn’t find you?

Miranda: Who didn’t find us?

Veetor: The... the monsters. The swarms. They took everyone. You don’t know. You didn’t see. But I see everything.

he turns the screens back on, and all nine of them show a patched-together piece of footage of the colony being targeted. there are insects swarming by the camera, and figures with silhouettes we don’t recognise lifting bodies and throwing them into a pile.

clue me in, boo.

Jacob: They’re a species from somewhere beyond the Omega 4 relay. Only a few people have ever seen one in person.

Miranda: They usually work through intermediaries, like slavers or hired mercs. If they’re involved with the Reapers somehow, it could explain what happened to the colonies.

Jacob: The collectors have advanced tech. They could have a weapon that disables an entire settlement at once.

Veetor: The seeker swarms. No one can hide. The seekers find you. Freeze you. Then the monsters take you away. Machines like tiny insects.

Miranda: Sounds like miniature probes, maybe. Find victimes, then immobilize them with a stasis field or nerve toxin.

Shepard: What happened next?

Veetor: The monsters took the people onto the ship, and then they left. The ship flew away. But they’ll be back for me. No one escapes!

we can ask about the collectors themselves; they’re an enigmatic alien race that few people have heard of and less people have seen. jacob theorizes they didn’t find veetor because his environment suit kept him hidden from their sensors; miranda thinks it’s because they’re only targeting humans. either way, we can’t exactly ask them.

veetor gives us some data that he recorded from the swarms and the collectors, and miranda says we ought to bring him to TIM to be questioned further. the door opens behind us, and in comes tali.

Tali: What? He’s injured! He needs treatment, not an interrogation!

Jacob: We just need to see if he knows anything else. He’ll be returned unharmed.

Miranda: Your people tried to betray us once already. If we give him to you, we’ll never get the intel we need.

SO UH THESE ARE LOADED LINES. whatever’s happened between cerberus and the quarians is clearly not a small issue. miranda takes offense to the fact that prazza’s group ran ahead of us, even - and boy i don’t like the association from “small group does thing” and “all group is bad because of it”!!!!!

Shepard: You don’t have to take Veetor and go. We oculd work together. Just like old times.

Tali: I’m still trying to accept that you’re even alive. And you’re with Cerberus.... I’ve got responsibilities now. A mission of my own. I can’t walk away from that. Not even for you.

i’m glad tali reached maturity and came out the other side after helping us fight saren with a responsible head on her shoulders. she cares for the people she works with, and she knows that she can’t just give up on what she’s already doing for the sake of an old friend... but still, it’d be nice to have her on board.

i let her take veetor back to the flotilla, and she gave us the datapad for our trouble. and with one final look back at the monitors, still showing the collectors and their human targets... we leave Progress behind.

#mol plays me2

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