#mind you that theres stuff ive teared up at but i dont think i actually shed tear(s) over?? at least not that i remember like these....

[084392]

list of media that i can remember. has made me shed at least one tear over the years....

....the end of one of the drawn to life games. the one that ended with someone waking up from a coma????? i was playing it on my way out the door i think. frankly im pretty sure i was just mindlessly crying bc the ending was so. odd to me as a child tho???

pmd sky. but. ive only cried one(1) time that i can remember about the main story ending, years after my original playthru when i was replaying it.....but lol no the thing that made me BAWL as a kid was the end of igglybuff the prodigy.....

...........................that voltron episode where the princess had to destroy her dads hologram................

wolf from kipos backstory...also yumyan too i think??

HAZEL INFINITY TRAIN.

eveyrthing everywhere all at once. 1. when evelyn saw waymond on the steps in the universe where she didnt go with him and he was just as successful without her.... 2. In Another Life, I Would Have Really Liked Just Doing Laundry And Taxes With You. 3. the scene between evelyn and joy at the end....

...man and these are just the ones i remember😭

[nyxi-pixie]

Hiiiii.

Sorry to bother you, I wanted to know if you had any fic recs? Your writing is so good and your tastes are immaculate, and I am starving for any kind of good content. Please?

its not possible to bother me love dw <3

NOW. i dont actually read all that much anymore bc i am horrendously picky but this does give me an excuse to hype up the few authors that have satisfied my unreasonably specific tastes 🤩.

so. a few bsd recs for you (except theyre 99% skk because im horribly predictable forever). everyone go read all of these and tell the authors how wonderful they are in the comments please <3

anything @booksandpaperss has ever written is genius work and everyone should read it. could talk abt all of their stuff for hours (and i have🤩 they put up w so much of me bothering them godbless). also our brains do some accidental crazy mind melding shit whenever either of us write fic so if you like any of my stuff you will like theirs. thats the rules. <3

like twin stars in the dark (we collide)- dead apple skk porn as a vehicle for 22skk analysis. makes me salivate i have read it so many times. they get 22skk better than anyone🙏

my lies are for you to keep (my love for you to lose) - the only take on beastskk that matters to me ever. you can actually see me losing my mind in the comment i wrote on this fic bc of how fucking insane every single line made me. theres SO much packed into this thing its fucking crazy i NEEEEED everyone to read it. thats all <3

till death, I'll give you my breath - dazai death timeloop. this fic terrifies me so much i await every update with my teeth chattering and my heart pulsing so rapidly i should be hospitalised. the first scene of chapter 2 genuinely had me on the verge of tears im unwell about it.

(elli also has some jjk stuff thats REALLYREALLY good and if ur into jjk u should check that out too.)

NOW. aside from being a propaganda machine for my fav writer ever. Heres some other stuff i love.

the second perspective by @wildflowerteas. murder mystery/detective noir stuff w some time fuckery. the au of all time. mashes aspects of beast, canon, and some extra special niko sauce into a mixing bowl and goes crazy w it. just Such a genuinely impressive piece of writing. i could talk abt the technical brilliance of it for hours but i will stop myself. you gotta commit to this thing because it WILL make u crazy. also i loveee the sskk. its like if we had the beast first meeting sskk forever. SOSO GOOD!!!!

did fate guide the gun or did you? by @kanetheo. i read this pretty soon after chapter 109 and it genuinely fried my brain for months. the writing style is beautiful (as for everything they write AUGHH!!!) and the angst is delectable. the way it intersperses more fun silly skk moments with just. complete misery. GOD. it just hits. ive reread it quite a few times and it never fails to make me go crazy. srsly cannot rec this enough.

the decomposition of dazai osamu by @hella1975 this shot several bullets through my brain and i still havent recovered. i keep thinking 'oh i should reread that' and then i dont bc some part of my brain still concerns itself w maintaining whats left of my sanity. BUT its crazy good and everyone should read it and suffer at least once. EVERYONE LOVES YOU OSAMU!!!! EVERYONE EATS YOU!!! line of all time lets all kill ourselves.

smoke held conversations by feralrookie - i havent reread this in a while but it does cool stuff with nlh and the skkisms are really good in this too. ppl often write teen chuuya as less intelligent than he actually is. hes very observant, esp of dazai, and this fic gave me that 🙏

i called your name til the fever broke by forest_raccoon - vampire chuuya. biting is involved. i blacked out reading it. enough said.

[su0su]

somebody.

bangchan x gender neutral reader

angst/fluff

wc: 877

i was listening to this song as i wrote this, the music just gave me this vibe.

it was in the middle of lunch at school, i wasnt really feeling myself as i sighed, sitting alone on a bench.

i like sitting here since nobody really comes here. theres blossom trees and bushes that cut off everything. cherry blossom petals scattered around the ground. the petals would fall as the wind blows. it was comforting here. i zoned out as i was listening to music.

everybody had a somebody, a best friend or a lover, although i didnt. i never had a somebody. i did have friends, but they always had a pair. i feel like im missing something. its like i dont understand how to get a somebody. its just, different.

i was distracted by my music from my headphones, looking at the nature around me as i sighed. not realising somebody was sitting next to me.

"hey."

a soft voice surprised me out of my thoughts as i looked to the side to see chan. chan was a mutual friend i had. we dont talk much. he wasnt my somebody.

"oh hey."

my voice was abit groggy as i took a sip of my waterbottle to clear my throat.

"you know, you always look like you have something in your mind."

his voice was soft spoken, i could see him looking around as he leaned back to look up at the sky.

"i do, although i rather not talk about it."

i sighed as i took off my headphones and fixed myself up.

"your always alone... am i correct?"

i look at the side in his direction. was it that obvious? how embarrassing.

"... um... yeah.. i guess you could say that."

my words were abit shakey as i cleared my throat.

"what goes through your head then?"

he looked at my eyes as i thought about his question.

"uhm well... alot."

i looked away as i bit my lip as i began to fiddle with my fingers

"over here is calming, i can see why you hang out here alone"

he was still looking at me. why was he here? why did he know I come here often?

"its just better being here then over where everybody else hangs out. i dont like seeing people with others having fun. it makes me feel jealous"

i sighed as i brought up my legs and wrapped my arms around them. sitting comfortably as i look infront of me, pretty cherry blossom trees rustle from the wind.

"jealous? whys that?"

there was a hint of confusion and concern in his voice. i bit my lip. was i really going to vent to somebody? he isnt my somebody, though.. right...?

"everybody has a somebody. a close friend or something. i just never had one. my whole life i was confused on why i didnt have a somebody. i just hated seeing others get along in duos. its always two people. never three. trios dont work."

i looked down at the ground as my eyes began to tear up. why am i crying? this is embarrassing.

chan sighed as he thought about my words. feeling pity as he looked up at the blossom trees.

"right. i understand, it must suck seeing that, now i get why you sit here. do you ever think you would get a somebody?"

i stopped to think. i never really thought about that before.

"no i dont think so. im pretty convinced i dont and wont have a somebody."

"i can be your somebody."

i look at him as i was confused.

"what..?"

chan looked down and then to my eyes. he bit his lip and thought about what he said. then opening his mouth.

"ive been observing you for awhile. not in a weird way.. its just.. i always wanted to know what goes in your mind. you never speak much to people and always draw in class in your sketchbook... i just think about you alot... i wonder about alot of things about you."

his voice was anxious as he fiddled with his fingers. scared of what you were going to say.

"you.. think about me..? but why me though...?"

i didnt understand why he observed me only. why did he want to know more? does he actually want to be.. my somebody?

"im into you ever since i laid my eyes on you. its just i want to know more about you. more stuff about you personally. so i can fall inlove with you even more.. i want to be your somebody."

he looked deep into my eyes as i was surprised by his words. he.. was inlove with me?

"i always watch you in class. you little habits make me smile. everything you do is just perfect in my eyes."

he sighed as he looked down at his hands. scared of what i would say.

i began to tear up as i had never heard this before. it felt different.

"chan.. i.. i dont think ive heard words like that being told to me.. ever.."

i chuckled nervously as i wiped my tears.

he was surprised but glad. he heard you chuckle for the first time, and it made him flush. he smiled as he looked up at me.

"may i be your somebody?"

part 2 maybe?? dunno its like 5am and i havent slept

[aslongasimhereyoureinvincible]

haikyuu!! the dumpster battle ramblings

saw it earlier today and am going to see it again tomorow with a friend, am very Full Of Thoughts, if u dont wont spoilers for the movie well take this as your warning ig

okay first of all the sound direction, the sound direction was INSANELY good

this is absolutely a movie that needs to be experienced in cinema, the soundscape of tokyo gymnasium and the karasuno v nekoma match felt so vividly real it was like i was at an actual game

the soundtrack was great too, i mean it always is w/ hayashi yuuki

there were i think two tracks that used the leitmotif from 'above', good shit

the animation was also really great, overall it didnt look massively better than season 4 of the anime

which is fine, season 4 looked great imo (minus that outsourced episode)

but holy shit when the sakuga hit it hit HARD

tsukki and lev blocking, kageyama doing his thing, kenma and kuroo's quick, there were lots of really great sakuga moments

they also reused some shots from earlier on in the anime and idk maybe thats 'lazy' or whatever but i liked it, it was very nostalgic :')

they did re-animate and i think re-voice hinata and kenma's first meeting tho, framing it from kenma's POV, loved that

i think my favourite sakuga shot had to be hinata and kenma with the knives at each other's throats tho, that ate

not sure how i didnt know about this before hand but it made perfect sense to me when i saw studio trigger in the end credits, some of the sakuga, esp the blocking, had a bit of that trigger flair to it

so obviously they werent gonna fit in everything from the manga, and the movie definitely had kenma as its focus, but i think overall they did a decent job in picking and chosing what to cut

the one thing im annoyed about is the removal of old coach ukai and coach nekomata's backstory, i really i think it makes the handshake at the end of the game hit that much harder

other than that tho i dont think the movie suffered from not adapting everything in the manga, i mean obviously i wouldve LIKED it, but i dont think the movie NEEDED it to be a good movie

it very much felt like kenma was the main character of the movie, and the main focus, with kuroo and hinata as his deuteragonists

which i liked!!! i think framing the match from kenma's POV for the most part makes sense, and its fun to spend more time in outsider POVs of karasuno

rlly loved the adaptation of kuroo and kenma's childhood flashback, im pretty sure kaji yuuki voiced kid kenma too

watching their friendship grow and seeing them play togther now as high schoolers, AUGH RIGHT IN THE FEELS

theres also a montage of kid kuroo barging into kenma's room to demand they go play volleyball together that ends on kuroo doing so whilst kenma's changing/putting on trousers which was rlly funny and silly

the stuff with kuroo and tsukki was so good too

'thanks to everyone, occasionally it's fun', 'thank god i wasnt wrong', 'he's a man who walks ahead of me'

AUUUGHHHHHH IT WAS SO GOOD :')

the scene that completely stole my breath away though was kageyama setting the open toss to hinata

i know ive already lost my mind over the whole 'threat of trust' thing and truly, the inarizaki match goes insane with that concept i will always adore it

but holy shit that scene smacked me over the head, HARD, with the concept of 'setting as a love language'

i just... i literally dont even have words for it it was SO amazingly good, i legitimately teared up in the cinema

speaking of other great scenes;

'stay interesting, 'kay?'

OHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD

they did it perfectly

the music and the soundscape completely cutting out, the background whiting out so its just kenma and the net, kaji yuuki's delivery of the line

it genuinely felt like something out of a horror movie, it was creepy, and unsettling, and PERFECT

also;

hinata's reaction after kenma collapses and says 'that was fun'

murase ayumu's delivery was so VISCERAL, dude got in that booth and CHEERED

you really felt hinata's sheer utter come through in that little scene, same with kuroo's incredulous laugh

the end of the match was slightly a mixed bag for me

on the good hand;

having done from kenma's first person POV was cool, i dont think haikyuu's ever really done that before, and it looked awesome

cutting back on the music and background soundscaping so we just focus on kenma's breathing and the sound of the ball/players jumping/shoes squeaking etc was a great way to really immerse the viewer in the scene, and put us inside kenma's head

on the bad hand;

it was anticlimatic, and i KNOW the whole point of the end of the match is that its anticlimatic,

but i had always imagined the scene with dramatic swelling music and the characters running frantically, only for it to all cut away when the ball slips and all you can hear is kenma's 'ah-' and there'd be a close-up of his facial expression

the stage play did a very similar thing and it worked EXTREMELY well imo

instead by doing it in the first person POV and already not having music it just,,, didnt feel quite as impactful as it shouldve imo??

like the match points for the seijoh, shiratorizawa, or inarizaki matches were done really dramatically

and i know the whole point is that the nekoma match is kinda an outlier in that it ends in that anticlimatic way with the ball slipping, and theres that big beat with hinata calling out 'nice serve' to tanaka before the realisation sets in that theyve won, but jusstttt

idk like it certainly wasnt BAD, i still DEEPLY DEEPLY enjoyed it, but just personally if i'd been the director i wouldve done it differently

also!! because it was from his first person POV we didnt get to see kenma's face on the 'idiot! the ball hasn't dropped yet!!!' line, which was pretty disapointing ngl i rlly love that scene how it is in the manga

ok enough complaining tho back to the infinite list of stuff i loved about the movie

the camera work! good god the camera work was so fucking cool

it really made the space of the gymnasium feel 3d and real, the way the camera would move over and through the net with the ball helped emphasise the physicality of the players and the court

i know jack shit about cinematography but yeah, after the sound design the camera work was prolly the best thing

the post credits scene was great!! daishou trying and failing to neg kuroo cracks me up every damn time

and the set up for the kamomedai match was so hype

speaking of; the very vague forshadowing for hinata's fever of him having flushed cheeks and not being all exhausted after the game like the others, auughhh my heartttt

if he isnt already, this movie will make kenma one of your top 5 haikyuu characters

seriously i love how they switched the perspective and framing so it was a bit more like kenma was the 'main character' of this match and hinata was the 'rival'

overall the movie was cool, creative, and a really clearly loving adaptation, im more than happy to be paying to see it again tmr lol

i'll probably have even more to say after seeing it a 2nd time so tune in for that ig

[fictionfixations]

playing this game for the first time

IM GOING TO THROW IT CRASHED ON ME WHILE I WAS MAKING A PROFILE i KNEW I SHOULDVE SAVED 😭(I STARED AT THE SAVE BUTTON LIKE 'should i save just in case? nahh i dont need to save until im done' and then it kicked me out)

i dont think of myself as a person good at designing stuff

but i was really liking what i made it looked so pretty hjfiouweshjdWQIUAsk

it doesnt even mean that much to me im just gonna feel really depressed for awhile cause like wtf man 😭

this is the farthest i got last time i kind of hate it. the quality of stuff i do always degrades the more i repeat it so hhhhhhhhhhh it feels really nitpicky but something about the images behind the classroom just dont look right

it keeps saying connection error when trying to save

im pointing a fan directly at it cause my phone is a fucking heater hoping it fixes 😭

im gonna close and reopen the game this sucks (not the game im just getting tired of all the live2d games i play being laggy as fuck or having connection issues, its not just this game that hates me 💀) idk if the twitter button works i havent pressed it cause i tend to lag so much more the moment i click out of a game and then re-enter without closing it and re-opening

tbh i dont know anything about this. i think theres a good story (kinda depressing(???)) but i havent heard much about it

one of the first things i saw about this game tbh was the customizing a profile and i got my mind blown cause it looked so pretty i kept getting pjsk in my recommended and idk something about tatsu...???? forgor rest of name. blonde guy. where apparently in the movie he switched to a pirate outfit???? im. so confused

i feel like im being sabotaged cause im trying to play a song and then it lags and i miss and im dfaiuhdwushdajw

WHY do you do this to me 😭

i need a fan because when it overheats its literally unplayable (its not even that its hot its that it starts lagging like hell) so im just having cold air blasted into my eyes which is kinda distracting :'D

its fun though i like like the interface?? its really smooth its a little confusing with note placement but im. getting used to it

im sad i have to actually play with a fan because i really like rhythm games i wanna get into it but it keeps lagging

why do all the good games (that i wanna play) have to be on mobile and prone to crashing/lagging 😭

tbh im getting into it now that im used to it crashing its like. tears of themis. which also crashes often and lags me. which sucks cause i really enjoy the story. but then id be going through this important bit and almost finish it and then it crashes and then keeps crashing while im speeding through it trying to complete it 💀 (cough cough the trial bits suck because i keep having to re-present evidence and im just like do i look like i remember what the answer is LET ME THROUGH)

its kinda because of that that i cant play it in super long bursts though so im just gonna be here procrastinating from it for months because i dont feel like continuing to crash trying to do shit. play again. crash. stop playing.

sigh. sometimes i hate that i get more invested in stories in games by actually playing the game. because sometimes my devices dont want me to play and makes me lag like hell sadge

anyway my favorites rn are nightcord at 25:00(?) w/ the miku from that ver theres another like band rhythm game i play except the 3d models make me lag so much more. this game is much more manageable. ..like osmetimes it lags so much i literally lose all my life but like. at least i can play ?????

anyway uh ill try to play more. like. i play a lot of games but ive been neglecting the story so ive been trying to speed through them (while actually reading but like bingeing through as much story as i can before it stops me or i give up)

okay i think i can play songs now without lagging except teh moment i think about how its not lagging it starts lagging 💀 (another time is when i started singing along it started lagging. i just have bad timing man.)

i can.. kind of play expert songs. (except when i cant) except its.really overwhelming and i stop being able to read the map to where i just default to see note = tap so its ilke im kinda spamming in a sense??? and praying it works out also my brain sometimes stutters so i fuck up. this prob isnt like anything revolutionary but with flick notes if therse one flick note and at the same time a note thats not a flick note and i get confused i just act as if both are flick notes cause its not like you get penalized for flicking a non-flick note

the 3d music videos are cute

i only got a new outfit for.. person me no remember name of purple haired girl

i think you can set it to have characters who are actually singing the song but i like staring at the characters i have cause i put my favorites on the team + like my only 4 star rn?? also like kaito is there i think (im bad at names but hes one of the vocaloids is he not) because i wanted to go with like the dark sorta empty vibe

but so its so weird when a model is singing but its so clearly not the right voice lmfao

i feel like itd be fun to learn the choreography especially for like cosplay stuff??

id like the music videos more if i could play the songs while watching them without lagging really badly 😭

NOO PLEASEE DONT LAG DURING THE VIRTUAL SHOW 🙏

i crashed 😭

song: plays few notes immediately crashes

hhh i know the song but i cant remember the name

tfw your glowsticks feel like a windscreen wiper

also i just realized your view moves if you move your phone. thats cool but i cant do that because my battery drains stupidly fast if its not being charged all the time i am not joking

i dont really have an attachment to these characters yet so i cant understand how it might feel to someone really invested but this is cool 👍

oh it ended

i missed the first song unfortunately :(

i think theres another one happening in like. ..30 minutes? an hour?? shrug. idk if its the same one or something else

i know this post kinda makes it seem like im having a bad time but im having a fun time its just that when something bad happens i have more to say

anyway i like this a lot more than the other band rhythm game i play. like i mean i had a lot over there and there are some songs i really like that arent on here but i.. also wasnt reading the story for that game either i was literally just playing it because rhythm game thats it 😭 i only went through the story to skip through it cause it gave me like the stuff to pull for the gacha so um

im gonna try to pay attention this time 👍👍👍

also auto is a blessing i will never not praise auto in a game (except when it plays bad but tbh if it works then it doesnt matter. not a shade towards this game but towards hsr cause sometimes it ults on a single enemy with low health that could be killed with just basic atk. and then next wave and that ult wouldve been so useful 😭)

off topic but idk why but 3d music videos dont lag when its playing the song on auto. except when i take a screenshot wtf

or maybe its just that it lags when the phone starts heating up. which tracks. wish i could play this on pc. wonder how itd work if it did cause buttons you press are what??? (honestly i can only play 4 note songs on pc anything else my mind blanks) but it still wouldve been cool and deffo less laggy

[liverpool-enjoyer]

footballers as taylor swift songs

requested by my swiftie in Christ @yudgefudge!! thank you luv <3

leo: you're on your own, kid. ive been associating him w this song way before i knew that everyone else was doing the same lmao. it rlly does encompass his entire journey, from humble beginnings n jus being a little kid playing for fun (from sprinkler splashes/to fireplace ashes), to being the best in the world n all the struggles that come with it (i search the party.../just to learn that my dreams arent rare). the man gave his blood sweat n tears like hed be saved by a the "perfect kiss" which here is a metaphor for the wc obviously. n ohmygosh "everything you lose is a step you take"!!!! BRUH???!?!?! every line, from "i didnt chose this town (ie paris)/i dream of getting out/theres just one who could make me stay", to "the jokes werent funny, i took the money/my friends from home dont know what to say" are all SO leo coded.

ney: anti-hero. i ADORE him n theres a lot of people that like him. but theres also a lot of people who like not liking him. hes one of the best in the world, and as great as that is, he has, unjustifiably so, garnered a significant amount of haters (its me, hi, im the problem, its me/at tea time, everybody agrees). hes rlly endured a ton of it throughout the years, but keeps going (pierced through the heart/but never killed). after facing so much backlash, youd probly worry about the people that still support you and how much longer you can hold on to that (one day i'll watch as youre leaving/and life will lose all its meaning). also, hes a rich person. which makes the bridge pretty relatable for him but like in a funny way.

gavi: nothing new. this one is more based off my inner musings than actual like evidence. i have no idea whats going on this lil dudes head. but i know that IF i were in his position, i'd relate to this song a FUCK TON. its basically a song abt being in the spotlight, n being the shiny young thing that has peoples attention. but what happens when thats not true anymore? (Lord, what will become of me/once ive lost my novelty?) what happens in a few years when an even younger prodigy comes around n impresses everyone? (are we only biding time 'til i lose your attention?/and someone else lights up the room?/people love an ingénue). im not gonna write down the whole birdge but its basically abt the inevitably of meeting your replacement. the song basically asks: "will you still want me/when im nothing new?" he seems like a happy dude who probly doesnt think abt this stuff, but if i were a famous promising young soccer player, this stuff would definitely weigh on my mind.

muller: the story of us. Lord forgive my mullendowski heart. i tried to think of a song that would fit jus him n leave shipping out of it but,,, yeah it wasnt happening. in my mind theyre a package deal. anywho the song's about being around someone youre still in love with after youve broken up (now im standing alone in a crowded room/and we're not speaking and im dying to know/is it killing you like its killing me). ik theyre on good terms n all but in my mindbrain i imagine him them being in the same place for the first time since lewy left him bayern and poor thomas jus "nervously pulling at my clothes/and trying to look busy." and my gosh "but you held your pride like you shouldve held me"??? the AUDACITY. i can go off about this whole song tbh. oh n also even tho speak nows a country album this song is kinda,,, rock/punk-ish kinda??? which is to say, its very loud. much like a certain someone. fun fact i almost put seven for him bc of "before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/anytime i wanted" but i figured one line wasnt enough for me to put the whole song.

mbappe: evermore. this is a brooding song. a depression song. so i can definitely see this as a post 2022 world cup final song for him. it actually relates to a sports loss very well. (i used to listen to this song n think a oikawa from haikyuu,,, heh). if theres one thing abt mbappe its that hes dedicated. i can see him "replay(ing) my footsteps on each stepping stone/trying to find the one where i went wrong," yknow, jus thinking abt the final over n over. very "i rewind the tape but all it does is pause/on the very moment all was lost." but at the end of it all, hes young, hes talented, n has more world cups ahead of him. ie: "i had a feeling so peculiar/this pain wouldnt be for/evermore."

klopp: dear reader. this whole song is just advice. its taylor dishing out advice to her fans, most of whom are younger than her. kloppo loves his players, he wants to give them good advice that applies not only on the pitch, but off it as well. (dear reader/bend when you can, snap when you have to/dear reader/you dont have to answer, just cause they asked you) however its no secret that our lovely manager can be pretty hard on himself. so its possible that while he gives advice to those he loves, he feels like hes not worthy of giving it (you wouldnt take my word for it/if you knew who was talking).

again, everything stated is speculation, fueled entirely by my delusional lil mindbrain. as i dont know these ppl.

[blood-injections]

hiii!! first of all, i think your background image (right word?)is super dope and also, for the ask game, 7, 20 and 55 if you don't mind!!

Hii!!! Background image/header yeah, thank youu its some of my art :) and thanks for the ask too <3

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

I only ever write in third person, so theres no specific pov a lot of the time except for when the thoughts/feelings of like only one character are stated or like I'll put them first in paragraphs if that makes sense? So they're like the focus. Anyway in that case which is usually the case which i guess. Is pov. I think i just described pov. Idk when i think of pov i think of writing of a charater from first person which i never do. Anyway in those cases . Whats it called. Not third person omniscient which i guess would be knowing the inner thoughts of all the characters. Hang on let me google it. Oh third person subjective/limited thats it. Sorry i haven't been in an english class in a while lmao. ANYWAY the pov is generally whichever character I'm projecting onto most for that story 💀 which lately has been a lot of kobra kid and fun ghoul because they're my favorite little voodoo puppets to put through hell

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc

Oh for sure, especially right now because i dont have wifi where I'm living so i cant look up synonyms for stuff or alternate phrases like I'm used to when i feel somethings repeating too much, so some of the patterns i usually try to cut out might be more prevalent in the next few things i post if i dont bother going through them in a cafe somewhere lol. Lots of things are on purpose though like uhh themes angst specifically, someone dying or being presumed dead or getting captured or leaving and being found or coming back etc. Tearful reunions in 90% of my stuff. Theres like fifteen of those in my drafts rn ranging from one shots to like 20+ chapter things ive yet to start posting. they're just so fun to write, sue me.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers' reactions to certain ones?

Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul are my favorites to write for sure, at least rn, closely followed followed by the girl and Cherri then not as closely followed by Pony then Poison I'd say. I wouldn't say these favorites have been swayed by anyones reactions, theyre just who i relate the most to/project on the most and find easiest/most fun to write. These'll swap around sometimes i guess too depending on who im hyperfixating the most on, like rn show pony might be higher actually bc of something i just started, and a couple weeks ago Korse was up there bc i was experimenting with their character

[notzawzark]

GHOST (mw2) X MALE READER (platonic)

NOT ROMANCE, uh, reader kinda already had a backstory, so kinda bordering on oc, but things like his hight/skincolor/appearance in general is kept blank.

its kinda dogshit looking back on it, so dont expect it to be like.. good, in any sense of the word, its riddled with plot holes and like. writting inconsistency. and also the writting as a whole is just.. mid

TW/CW's: torture, implications towards past abuse, maybe other stuff, but you get the gist, if you your not for any of this, dont read, keep yourself safe

“so..” I break the silence that had once held the room hostage. “you're ghost.” I didn't expect him to actually get captured, let alone get captured alive. Looking through all the intel we have on him, by all means we shouldn’t have been able to get him alive.

I doubt doing this will prove fruitfull.

Were both sat In an “interrogation” room. Only recently was it promoted as such. It used to be more of a “torture and kill” room. Its empty for the most part, only a metal table, two old wood chairs sitting across from each other, and a few pieces of paper with a pencil on my side of the table.

A door behind me, no windows, walls made of some bleak concrete. There are two guards outside the room blocking the door. Not for me. For him. Hes tied up, the boss was never one to take chances. Neither would I with the record and reputation this man has racked up.

“you probably know why you’re here..” I look around “ in this… room.”  He doesn’t budge. The mask makes this infinitely harder. “you should probably get comfortable.. I don’t see you leaving anytime soon.” I sigh. I don’t see him leaving ever. Hell probably get killed before he ever gets that luxury. 

“ill be completely honest with you. My.. boss, along with all my associates think that what im doing is pointless. They all want to tear into that skin of yours.” I put my feet onto the table. Taking a deep breath in trying to figure out how to word my next sentence. 

“I don’t think any of that will work.” Its blunt, but its true. “I think” I pick up the pencil on the table and start tapping it absentmindedly. “that no amount of pain, or threatening of your life, or humiliation will make you to tell them what they want to hear.” I look him dead in the eyes, trying to gage how he reacts. “I think that shit just brews spite.”

 Nothing. Honestly its kind of uncomfortable. Staring into his unblinking eyes. They always kinda look glazed over, and red, like he doesn’t sleep much. “I hope you can help me prove them wrong. Because once im done here today theyre going to start torturing you.” I look away. The eye contact is to uncomfortable. “so, whats your real name, ghost?” he doesn’t respond. “what is it.. jack? Is it.. jason?” (I wrote this at 2 am, and thought that jason was ghosts brothers kid, im pretty sure that isnt right, but ignore it, his name is jason now) theres something in his eyes when I say the name jason, but I don’t think its his name. maybe someone he knows. Or knew. “ill be honest im trying to think of british sounding names, and I cant find any.” I crack a joke. Obviously, he doesnt respond.

I sigh. This is going to take awhile. I suggest a few more names. Jason was the only thing that he reacted at. A small reaction however. It could have just been my mind playing tricks. “what about your family?” hopefully this gives me more. “what was your mom like?” nothing. “your dad?” an eye dart. There. That. That is what I needed. I hum, its low, its clearly satisfied. He picks up on it. “your dad, was he a good man,”

Shit. Nothing. Hes either correcting himself now because He knows what im doing. That im trying to get a stir out of him. Or I was mistaken about his reaction. I continue. “was he a bad man?” nothing. Im going to kill myself. “my dad was a bad man.” He shows a hint of confusion. I assume he wasn’t expecting me to talk about myself. “I mean he wasn’t a horrible man from what Ive heard. But he left me and my mom.” I get up from my spot on my chair, and hop up, sitting on the edge of the table to his right. I can see his face better now.

“and a good person doesn’t leave their family, now do they?”

He shifts his focus over to my new spot. He wants to talk. I don’t know what he wants to say, but I can feel his eagerness in the air. “from what I hear you have a dead brother.” Surprise, then anger, then sadness. He looks away. Off to his left. That makes things harder. “how old are you?” he looks to the table as he asks me a question. He seems genuinely curious. “well your definitely British, Jesus.” I remark on his accent. He looks up at me, unamused with my observation.

“im 20.” He doesn’t buy it at all. “19” he seems even less convinced. “17” his eyes narrow. “fine, 16..” I mumble looking at the ground. I don’t see his reaction, but it doesn’t matter. “what is someone your age doing workin’ for a group like this?” I side eye him. “and what is someone of your status doing getting caught by a group like this?” he grunts and goes back to looking to his left.

I sigh, I probably shouldn’t have retorted with that. I might just have sent myself back to square one. “what do you do with your free time, mr. ghost?” he doesn’t respond yet again. I definitely sent myself back to square one. I get off of the table, back into my seat across from him, “have you ever had any pets?” I look up at him, to see his reaction.

It’s a very telling reaction. Hes uncomfortable. “yes? No?” nothing. I look back down, grabbing a piece of paper, and the pencil, I start drawing him. He doesn’t know that though, or at least I assume he doesn’t. I might be a bit more obvious then I want to be. “whats your favorite animal?” I look up again. Hes uncomfortable, less then before, but that’s probably just him regulating it. “mine are snakes.”

He closes his eyes. Ive definitely found something. Theres a moment of silence. “I like the big yellow ones.” He opens his eyes. “I also like the folklore and stories behind snakes.” Hes disengaged. Fuck.

I back down. “who is your favorite artist.” Safer. “music, painting, writing it doesn’t matter.” I focus on my drawing. Im not looking to get a reaction. ”don’t have one.”  He answers. “why not?” a genuine question. “don’t have time to have one.” 

“well I mean, you cant be working all the time, you get a few weeks off after each mission right?”

“no.”

I hum a response. High pitched. Acknowledging what he said. I begin to get more focused on my drawing, talking less and less. Eventually were both sitting in silence, the only noise in the room being my pencil scratching against the paper.

“you like art?” he nods to the drawings in front of me.

“it passes the time.”

He doesn’t say anything after that. An hour passes by. Im done. Well. As done as ill ever be. I stand up, pushing my chair back. Eyes fixated on my art. Analyzing it to no end. I pick it up, and place it infront of ghost, while I stand close beside him.

“your eyes are expressive.” It sounds creepier then I meant it to. He looks down at it. He really looks at it. Not just a glance over. taking a few minutes. for a bit I think hes fallen asleep until he speaks. “impressive.” 

That’s all he has to say? He looks at a drawing for three minutes in silence, and all he has to say is one word? ‘impressive????’ that’s it????? This guy is gonna make me shoot myself. “thank you.” I try my best to make it sound earnest. A very difficult task. 

I sit back down at my chair. Hes still looking at the art. “theyre probably gonna come soon.” He looks confused at first, but then it clicks. Hes gonna meet those associates i mentioned earlier. “but if you give me as much as a hint of what they want to hear, I can probably stop him.” Ghost doesn’t respond. Quiet as always. I sigh and lean back in my chair. He looks down to the drawing again. “you ever been drawn before?” I ask

“negative.”

What freak talks like that? Negative??? I get hes in the military but Jesus fucking christ. “you can keep it if you get out of here alive.” I laugh at my own joke under my breath. 

“hold onto it. I don’t want it getting bloody.” He looks up from the drawing. Completely deadpan. I cant tell wether hes joking or not. 

The door behind me opens, I get up off my chair. “heyyy.” I greet the man at the door from my spot. Hes big. Big big. Probably 6’7-6’8. Sturdy build. Hes always been scary, but I guess that’s a part of the magic. He rolls in a cart im unpleasantly familiar with. It has an assortment of metal tools. For all sorts of different things.

“(reader).”he acknowledges me. his voice always finding a way to unsettle me. He walks past me, dragging his cart of goodies with him. He stops. Grabbing onto ghosts chair, the wood making a shrill sound as he trudges it to the back wall. He takes his cart with him. Ghosts breathing has gone rapid. Mine probably would too. Scratch that. Mine definitely would too.

I grab my drawing off the table. I don’t want to be in here. I start to leave. “(reader), leaving so soon?” the big man turns around, some horrible device already in his hands. Im quiet. I have to watch what I say around him. “yeah.” I search for the right words. “you know I don’t like loud sounds.” Its true, I don’t. theres a tenseness in the room. Like a twig bending before it finally snaps. 

He turns his normal sick expression into a hallow smile. “how forgetful of me.” He turns back to ghost. Whose eyes are darting around the room. Probably looking for a way out. He closes them shut tightly, and I find that my queue to leave. I quickly walk through the door, past the guards, and out into the hallway. 

That night wasn’t a very restful one. the concrete walls might as well have been made of paper.

boom, you made it to the end, wow thats rad, heres an emoji : 🤯

ALSO if i do continue this, ghost and reader are prob gonna have like a father/son or older/younger brother bond. but yeah. uh i hoped you liked the fanfic.

[yukisnowywriting]

I Will Always Be With You, Promise.

Karatachi Kagura x y/n

masterlist

genre : angst, hurt/comfort, fluff.

warning : suicidal, depression, all that dark stuff

a/n : ayeeeee im back ayeee (no one probably cares but ayeeeee). this is quite OOC cuz my mans got no enough screentime and I just made this to comfort myself with some imaginations so yeah... Enjoy! (i swear theres so little fanfic of kaguraxreader)

I dont know kaguras age so lets just imagine hes 15 (ah... young love)

(btw u could change the chara u imagine if u dont like him or dont know kagura)

---

Being a rare child thats more smarter and talented than other people in kirigakure was a very great thing, the adults respect you, the mizukage knows of your well being, and its easier to win some quiz or test while ending up number one. A dream like life, atleast for everyone else. For y/n, the expectation of being number one burdens you too much. Especially for you who was still turning into a teenager.

The burden was too much until when you end up number one again, you stopped feeling happy nor proud. Y/n only wanted to spend atleast her teen years with friends your age and having fun.

ah right... you dont have friends your age (typical y/n, sad that im really like this). You only managed to talk to Kagura, well hes only 2 years older... eventhough you feel like hes avoiding you, maybe he hates you too.

guess you have nobody

---

Kagura POV

..."why is she so cute" (simp-)

Getting to introduce myself and to talk with y/n was the best mistake Ive made. Sad that we dont spend time that much. My heart races too much whenever I talk to her, this is bad for my health.

The way she smiles, walks, runs, everything she does makes my heart flutter...

we've know each other for two years, but it feels like theres a barrier between us that she made, always one step closer and two steps back.

i look at her from afar every time i get a chance to, i feel like im obsessed, but just seeing her blink makes me fall in love all over again.

i feel like at this point i know almost all her cute habits, what is she probably doing at the second, and many more. I wonder if I should... get closer to her.

maybe starting next week. i dont have any schedule next week anyways, and neither y/n

end of pov

---

one week later

You were just at your normal spot, a high cliff near the ocean, kirigakure sure has a very great view eventhough being called mist village. But today, life was more tougher on the little details than usual with you, and now when you see the ocean, you think 'how peaceful it is, even thy waves move with big heavy strokes, yet always reflected beautiful and peaceful.' and to get to the point, it felt so peaceful, that you felt like.... being in it will have you in peace.

You take on step to the edge, and another, and more follows as your eyes began to be lost of the people youve cared for.

you may have a little crush on that cute yet powerful blonde, and actually tried to convince yourself that the two of you were similar, you came to conclusion that the two of you are not to be compared. Kagura is way better than you, the gods picked him to support. He is just the same as you, a powerful individual, but not like you, he develops himself fastly, even when no one in the village turn to eye him as a person and not of the forth mizukage bloodline, he still grew into a powerful person to protect. How you envy his mind. How you hated that he could do what you cant. How you hated that you hate him so much but each time he sees you he gives you a smile and a compliment that youve always wanted. How he says "your a very exceptional person, not like what they say, your not just a genius, your also a very lovely person". You hate that everything he does makes you want to breathe another day just to see his smile. You hate that the fact that you will break into tears right now and stop the thing your going to right now if he comes up to you.

Just like right now...

---

As he took every confidence to stand beside you, he walks to your usual spot with the intention of getting more close to you by striking up a conversation and inviting you to spend the day with him.

But the moment he was there, he panicked as he sees you stepping towards the edge abnormally, it looks clear that you were trying to jump, but the waves today were too much for you to go swimming so he knows that whatever you were gonna do, it wasnt gonna be good. He wants to stop you but once he looks at you eyes from afar, he could sense all of your negativity and a little light that whispers your hope of wanting to dissappear from this world. As he stops and stands a few meters behind you, he ask "are you okay?". he seemingly did not catch your attention but know by how you fasten your steps little by little that you were still willing to jump.

He grabs your hand and spins you around, he bends his body a little to meet your eyes with one arm engulfing you in his embrace. "you had a bad day didnt you? do you want to share it with me?" he pulls away giving little space between you and him, as he gives you a warm gentle smile. you just looked down as tears start to escape your eyes, and little sobs break. he once again embraces you and gently tucks your head in his chest. After a few moments, you start to ramble on about what your feeling;

why does it have to be me? why do people carry me oh so high but when i fail, they turn their backs. they appreciate me when Im all correct but even 0.1 mistake can take effect... i dont like this... im still 13, in the last mission, people my age were running around, laughng with their friends. why cant i do that? i dont wanna keep being lcked up in a room reading books, i want to play too! i dont wanna do paperwork everyday! i want to go out relax with friends.... but all im expected to do is- is- learn- win number one- ranked number one- complete missions- and not fail... i dont like this... its to heavy... the pressure is suffocating me... i-i-

I dont wanna die...

she says to the person that embraces her lovingly for the first time. her last sentence was heard to be aa quiver as she continues her quite cries which were never heard before.

Kagura always knew her as a quite yet cheerful person. she brings a big positive energy to thee who is beside her. The moment she introduced herself to him for the first time, her voice was like light that could reassure people of their path and that everythings going to be okay. But he didnt knew that the one in need of the light is the light itself.

He strokes her hair gently as If she was made of glass. And silently snuggles closer to her smaller figure... Then he lets out a soft whisper

"you've went through so much until now. I can't comfort you nor can I help, but for now the only thing i can do is be by your side. We don't talk too much and we don't interact the most, so i think this is too early, but I love you. You did a great job, you've handled so much until this second, you've carried so much until now, even if people are dissatisfied of you, just remember, i will always be proud of you, i will always support you, and i love you"

"you could rest yourself now, even just for a second. Just rest and forget all of the pressure as if it doesn't exist." He continues

"i don't want anyone to hate me- i don't want to disappoint anyone" you wanted to continue but then he says

"even if the world is against you, i will always be by your side. Promise"

----------------------------------------------------------

Everyone has their own bad side, and everyone makes mistakes, this was just a fanfic to comfort myself and also just me ranting. So this whole fanfic is probably to ooc, if u didn't like it, it's okay, if u like it then I'm glad. I don't see much Kaguraxreader fanfics, and i really need some whether in Wattpad or Tumblr or any other apps,

PLEASE FRCKING TELL ME IF YOU KNOW ANY FANFIC OF KAGURAXREADER. I AM DESPERATELY SEARCHING EVERYWHERE DAMMIT- thank you (´；ω；｀)

[kaz11283]

ok ok idk if ur still taking request but can i have a drabble or a one shot or anything of loki dealing with/ taking care/ drinking with drunk y/n??? i’m drunk rn and that’s allll i need in life

Babysitter

The party at Starks compound was going off without a hitch, celebrating the man himselfs birthday. The music was to loud, lights flickering everywhere, and laughter bouncing off the walls.

"Come drink with us y/n!" Thor bellowed to you across the bar montioning you to follow him to the group that was sitting around one of the back tables. You flopped down next to Loki and let out a sigh.

"How are you this evening y/n?" He asked moving his leg over slightly so that he wouldnt have to touch you. That was your power, being able to read people minds with a simple touch, nights like tonight all ways set you on edge with to many people bumping, shoving, touching. The whole atmosphere drove you mad most of the time.

"Handling it." You forced a smile looking over at him. "Alcohol helps repress it." You said picking up your drink and giving a silent cheers to the handsome man that had decided to dress in a black dress shirt and dark colored jeans. You threw your head back and took the shot.

"Starting the party stong this evening y/n?" Tony asked raising his eyebrow at you.

"Putting everyone elses thoughts on the back burner for tonight Tony." You said smiling sweetly at him before taking another shot.

"So whos on babysitting duty tonight then?" Bucky laughed looking around the table.

"I'm not that bad-"

"Thor had to pull you off the bar last time before you started stripping." Your face turned bright red as you glanced over to Thor whos face was the same color mounthing out sorry.

"Dont worry I've got her this time." Loki laughted taking a sip of his wine.

"Babysitter." You rolled your eyes again taking a sip of the mixed drink that Nat had put in front of you making sure her hand grazed your.

Loki seems quite excited to be on babysotting duty tonight, you might be in for another private stripping session tonight.

You shot her a look that sent her into a fit of laughs.

"Another round then!" Thor yelled at the bar tender. "We are celebrating the Man of Iron tonight." You sighed slouching back in your chair.

"Relax, darling, I've got you tonight." Loki whispered leaning over to you. "I won't let you make a complete fool of your self."

As the night grew so did your buzz, your cheeks were getting warmer, and the dress you had on now started feeling constricting. You started pulling at the bottom and then neck.

"Your fidgeting darling." Loki said placing his hand on your leg causing you to jump.

"My dress is to tight. I just need to get up for a second." You said standing to walk over to the bar.

"Dress to tight?" Steve asked looking over at Loki.

"She had to get up for a moment." At that moment there was whistling coming from the dance floor.

"Umm, babysitter." Tony said pointing behind Loki. As he turned around he noticed that you had already started to pull the dress up more than you should have. Loki jumped up running toward you.

"Y/n, what are you doing?" He said grabbing your hands causing your dress to fall back down.

"Lok, I'm hot. So freaking hot. This dress, its to tight. I need it off." You said trying to shake him off.

"Come on then, lets get you out of here." He said pulling you out the door. You bumped into a man standing near the door.

Wish she would have finished. He doesnt deserve to be able to see all that undressed.

You stopped suddenly looking at the man before raring back and punching him in the face. "I dont think its any of your concern who sees me like that." Loki stopped and stared at you before escourting you out of the crowed room.

"Asshole." You huffed behind him. He was able to lead you to the floor where his room was. "You could have just taken me back to my room so that you could go back." You sighed flopping down on his bed. The buzz had slowly started wearing off but the room was still spinning.

"Its ok y/n. Besides if I'm taking care of you then I cant go back to that overrated party then can I?" He laughed sitting next to you.

"I get so tired of being able to hear what people are thinking. It is literally exhausting. Trying to find somewhere to sit thats not to close to someone. Especially one of the guys, all of yall are perverts. Course the girls are just as bad most of the time." You put your head in your hands tearing up. Nope, the drunk still wasnt over.

"The power that you have makes you you y/n. If you didnt have that power you wouldnt be here with your friends."

"Yeah friends that I can hug because im afraid that I might hear something that I shouldn't. I made that mistake once. I hugged Steve not even thinking and he was thinking about Nat. Like thinking about something that no one but those two should know about. After that I just stopped touching everyone. Do you know how bad that sucks?"

"Ah, touch starved." He said laughing. "May I try something?"

"Its no use, everyone tells me they can shut it all off but theres always something on their minds." You shrug.

"Give me your hand." He saod placing his hand out palm up. You begrudgingly put your hand in his causing him to smile. "Well?"

"I think im about to be sick." You said jumping up and running to his bathroom silently thanking Tony for sticking with one layout for every room.

"Oh dear." Loki said following you in there and grabbing ahold of your hair that had fallen. "I think you will live." He helped you sit on the side of the bathtub as he got a clean rag for you to whip your face.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me tonight." You whispered closing your eyes.

"Stop that nonsense. I volunteered for it. I knew what was coming." He laughed as he walked out to his room to get you a clean shirt. "Now tell me. Did you hear anything when I touched you?"

"Actually no, I didnt even realize it when you was pulling me from the party." You said putting the shirt next to you. "How?"

"I can 'turn it off' if that makes any sense. Telepathic people drive me insane. Always trying to figure out what your thinking. I learned at a young age how to block stuff like that out. Wanda tends to be the worlds worst."

"Its nice. The quiet. I havent had that, ever." You leand your head aginst the cool wall closing your eyes.

"Hey, no no no. Lets get you changed and laid down in bed before you pass out." He pulled you to your feet and looked at you. "Do you need assistance?"

You laughted as him. "No. Its fine ive got this." You pulled your dress off and pulled his on before walking out and flopping down on his bed.

"Do you mind holding my hand? Its nice not having to worry about what i might hear." Loki laid down beside you and placed his hand in yours.

"If you ever need some quiet time you are more than welcome to come find me." He sais placing a kiss to your temple before you fell asleep.

Thank you so MUCH for the request! I hope you like it. I had one, erased it and restarted so thats what took took me so long to write this one. If you have any more please feel free to send them in!

Tag List:

@high-functioning-lokipath

@serpentargo

@drbaureid

@poetic-fiasco

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@rosaline-black

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@natandersonnla

@delightfulheartdream

[notahorseindisguise]

fun facts about me!

im 17 years old

i live in australia, in nsw 

im mostly a boy ig, but i use any pronouns and just dont care

im bisexual

i am, by family, a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. by belief, im not sure yet!

i have adhd and probably other stuff 

i really love bugs and want to be an entomologist

you can call me Corn, but thats just a nickname, short for Corben

i have 2 pet cats, milly and pebbles

i am really really mean to people, because bullying is how i show my love. if that is an issue for you please let me know and ill change it!

i also use a lot of gendered terms as well as petnames for just. everyone. so if “bro” or “babe” makes you uncomfy, make sure you tell me too!

i very purposely wear day of the week underwear only on the wrong day cause i think its hilarious

i have a slight lisp, very slight, its only really noticeable when i say a bunch of s words in a row and you are looking to notice it. i have this because in preschool i did my s sounds slightly different to how we were taught, but i never bothered to fix it

i get excited when im talking a lot about things i love, and when i get excited, a bit of a stutter comes out, and i like, get stuck on a word, and keep repeating it until my brain buffers the next sentence

i have a lot of self confidence because i stopped making self deprecating jokes and started making self aggrandizing jokes and guys, faking it til you make it really really works

i really like comedy, not just as in i like makng jokes, although thats true, but i like dissecting comedy and talking about it the way a film critic would talk about the dark knight or something. i really like pulling it apart and looking at the behind the scenes. i also think its funny to rate people jokes out of 10.

ive never properly played a game of monopoly. the only game ive ever played i had to leave around halfway through. im a monopoly virgin. 

if youre reading this, reply “autonomic”. just because i think its a fun word to say and i doubt anyone is actually reading all of this.

i had a couple of recurring nightmares as a kid that brought me quite face to face with a cosmic horror, i dont believe it was real of course, just a creation of my mind, but still, im mostly unphased by that genre, although i still love it because its just so cool to read about

i have never opened my eyes underwater for more than half a second, because it hurts me too much. ive opened them up underwater a little bit just to wash them out or to see if i could, but they always hurt too much for me, so ill be wearing goggles underwater for the rest of my life

when i was a child my family would call cuddles from me “dorben” and say “corben give me some dorben” whenever they wanted cuddles. this is not an open invitation to use this for when you want cuddles from me this is just a fun fact about my childhood

one time at a family camp when i was like. 6 or 7 or something, i told my mum i needed the toilet but she didnt wanna walk me down to the toilet block, so she told me to just go in the bush. i protested, but she told me itd be fine so i went to the bush. later i was crying and i pulled her over to where i had gone, and she saw a shit laying on the grass, where she thought i was gonna piss. through my tears i said “mum, you were WRONG, WRONG, WRONG-O!!”

also once when i was half asleep i pissed in the bin in my bathroom instead of the toilet

theres some fun facts about me!! some of these important, some i just thought were random and funny. i will add to this when i think of more random parts of my life. have fun!

[kidfoundonstreets]

last post.. bc the screenshots made it too long (i am sorry)

THE FACT THIS IS A CANON LINE I AM DECEASED wilardo sirius and claire all hangout!! best time ever!11 they r arguing!! also best time ever!!!!

absolute certainty in his eyes it is sirius . let it be known

WHY DOES THAT ACTUALLY L OOK GOODOHMYG FCLAIRE AND WIALROD WHATTHHEELL YOU GOT THEM SPOT ON FOR SOMEONE WHO DOENST KNOW HIM VEYR MIUCH?? anyway real accurate portrait of the bfs love is real “far too beautified” what HELP?

YEAH THAT IS MORE ACCURATE KINDA.......... he looks like so smug and wilardo so head empty at least u guys arnet soil roots “i wouldve liked a big brother like that” SIBLINGS (in the worst way possible)?????????????????????????????????????? CONFIRMED

oh wait wilardo drew this one...........im surprised one day he didnt get super bored and get rlly talwented at random stuff like drawing  or maybe he is and just kinda lazy THOSAE BIG EYES HELPPPPP staring into your soul.. he made himslef look tired wilardo being (kinda) neutral and syaing that humans cant be split into 1 and 0 so true so true. where is the more love for you

woah theres hte line i cant believe gay people are real invented by iz THE CONCERNED HUH.;.... wonder how they’d react to the fandom but ashe does have a point with that.? wilardo and ashe do have the same goal to get the bitchs heart but. at the same time theyre totally different idk delicious as a concept but executed.. agh

oh hell no........................................... THE PANIC I JUST FELT. PLEASE PLEASE LET NOEL BE SAFE savesavesavesavesa oh. wilardos figuring out early. oh. what the hell lime yeah thats not going to be good what happened to noel??

HELPDFJWJE I LOVE HIM sirius is like “i dont care for claire” also him:  he just ends up staring at everybody...........what it looked like when he was thinking (real)

aww god oh fcuk its like those awkward famil;y meeting dinners everybody has a clue of whats going on atp “theres so much id like to talk about” HAHAHAHAHAAHAH fear imagine ashe gossiping like a mean girl AUGHHHGHH FUCKING GFDIOJFOIQJ12I what if ashe did actually have innocent intentions and just wanted to get his mind off of things?? and by avoiding him its making his sanity even worse BUT I DONT KNOIWJKJGHGH PROLLY NOT IT anyway. seeing sirius being panicked is sweet the n again if he didnt help noel tears would be on his hands and nobody can handle noel crying. and itd add to someone he knew dead sirius is just “goddmanit in order for this to work i need to say we’re besties or whatever nthe kids say these days” WHY IS ASHE USING SUCH FANCY LANGUAGE. GN. HES JUST LIKE THIS . the power of friendship.........i mean scp............................................

THIS SPRITE,,

a can somebody hug him already. bro the cg with him lady dorothy is so good i wanna redraw it one day like i saw somebody do he just keeps comparing it it hurts my heart ive said it once and ill say it again,, siblings

mario11!1 drag her around >:D

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[tomdiddlyumptious]

i know youre just as obsessed with the save your tears song as me, please make a fic with peter of it🙏🏾😭

lololol sorry i got this a while ago, but yes. i have an unhealthy obsession with this song. 

P.P~ Save Your Tears

warnings: none?? language??

words- 1.8k

You and peter...you and peter were special. When there was peter, there was you. No matter where you went, no matter where he went, you both were with each other, until you werent. 

“Y/n, i love you but i need this college, it means so much to me, tony wants me to go-” “tony wants you to go? He matters more then me? Peter ive been with you since forever” you said, tears pooling from your eyes, standing up in his room while he sat on his bunkbed- his cheeks and nose red as he looked at you. “So this is what its about, making tony proud? What about me peter? What about me?!” you waited for his answer, but when he didnt say anything, you just gave him an empty, sad look, a shocked look,”so this is it, huh? You go to college and you leave me and may in shitty new york, and for what?” you chuckled, “to make your” you did quote on quote “dad proud?” he became angered, staring daggers at you. “He cares about you but i clearly care more, you wouldnt even be thinking about college if it wasnt for me. Youd be stuck as spiderman still trying to make him proud!” you laughed.

“Peter, did you hear what i said, “STILL PROUD”. He doesnt even give you fuckin validation. You know what. Fuck you, have fun in missouri, i hope you make him proud” you said, stomping out and slamming the door behind you, power walking out and accidently ignoring may with your own crowded thoughts while you walked out.

But that was 2 years ago. 

You went to a college in Atlanta, peter long forgot, you and ned decided to go together. So there was a huge party in Atlanta, Harry knew about it causing Peter to know about it too. 

“Yeah theres this huge party in atlanta and i wanted to go” he said, in the kitchen of the apartment, eating chips as he looked at peter, who had his textbook in his hands and his glasses on, he looked at harry “your going out of state...just for a stupid party?” he said, his eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah i go every year,” “and your telling me this….for?”

“I want you to come with me” harry smiled, walking over and hopping on the couch while peter set his text book on the coffee table “i dont think so” he said, “oh come on! The most baddest chicks are their peter! And you need to get over y/n-” “shut up, harry” peter looked at him with a clenched jaw, your name was his kryptonite, making him weak in his stomach and his knees woozy as if they were gonna fall out. “Look, your doing it again” harry called him out. “Ive dated her for over 7 years harry, what am i supposed to do, toss her in the trash?” “Yes actually” he shrugged, making peter grumble before taking off his glasses and setting them down. “i’ll think about it” “i’ll pack your bag” harry did a quick grin at him before standing up and tossing the chips at peters chest. 

So there they are, moving into another apartment for three days, only taking out a few pairs of clothes and leaving it on the bed. “Party is tomorrow, we need drinks and stuff” “if its a huge party what do we need to buy stuff for?” peter asked, harry said, “You're too innocent” before walking off. 

“Ned! I do not need a plus one!” “it wont be a plus one it’ll be a plus two!” “im not going in there as a throuple” you turned to him, he didnt want you to look lonely inside of the party, so why not just go on an open date with betty and him? Because it weird, or thats atleast what you thought. You picked out your dress, your body has changed since senior year, making your curves more evident, which you didnt mind, it was nice. The dress was quite tight in the right places, making you feel confident, you asked betty how it looked, she said if she was a lesbian shed try to dig, which was unusual for someone like her to say that, but youd take it. “Are you sure, y/n?” he asked, genuinely, you turned to him and sincerely nodded. “Yes, thank you” 

And so there it was, harry and peter went to buy the drinks, two bottles of each just for home, which harry made peter try, peter wasnt pleasant but harry said hed need it. 

So there the party was, harry helping peter pick something out, making sure it wasnt too “nerdy” which ended up in harry having to give peter something to wear, an oversized orange shirt and jeans, a black hat backwards and some of peters normal shoes, vans. “Im proud of my creation” harry said while they both looked in the mirror, peter sighed in disgust “i hate you” “love you too bud” 

You and ned got ready, helping him out with which colognes he should use, you made him help you out with the makeup, it was a simple black dress but there was no harm in trying to pop it out, “red” “red? Are you sure? Does it bring out my skin??” you said, he nodded “wear it! And hurry! We have to pick up betty!”

It was 9 o’clock, the party already started as you and your best friends pushed past people to get something to drink, but one drink turned into two, and then to three, and then continuing on. Ned ended up with red lipstick and lip marks all over his face and a tie around his eyes, everyone cheering him on when he was in a drinking competition with the famous gregory, of course ned won, making the boys chant his ned “ned ned ned ned!” and you were in the front row with betty, a red cup in your hand and everyone letting out a deep “wooooo!” and whistles when ned stuck his arms out in the air before taking the tie off, you laughed as the party stopped the challenges and it was dancing time, so betty pulled you to the dance floor, you let out an “ahhh!” as in you didnt wanna dance but she gave you a stern look “loosen up” she smiled, dancing around and her grin widened when you started to slowly loosen up, drinking the forbidden juice in your cup before you threw it wherever.

Peter and harry finally arrived, drinks in hand as he looked around, “there really is hot chicks” peter said making harry laugh hysterically before grabbing a cup for peter. “Just make sure you leave before i do” “yuck” harry passed the cup to peter, and he took a sip, his throat burning before he looked at harry “dont give up, the party has just started! I have to use the bathroom” harry walked off, peter looked around at the different sections, he could sit on the couch but there was people making out there, he could join some of the shot gunning but it was clear they were already thirty drinks in, which left him to the dance floor. 

Dancing in the crowded hall, stood you, as before, his stomach turned and his knees felt woozy as his mouth slightly opened, it was really you. Your hips moving loosely with a huge smile on your face, you looked so much more happier without him, he started to feel bad, his mind coming to memories before you caught him looking at you, making your movements falter. Your mouth open with shock, a single tear coming down your face before he called out your name, you ignored him walking the other way. “Dammit!” he said, placing down the cup he didnt need before pushing past people, he could see the back of your head, he groaned when a girl pushed him “watch where your going dumbass!” she said, peter ignored her and came upstairs still following you, now into an empty hallway “Y/N!- Y/N- i know you can hear me theres literally nobody else in this fucking hallway!” he said, his walking stopped as yours did to, you looked back at him, turning to him. “Please” you made eye contact with him, your face empty as no words came out of your mouth, you walked to him, a hopeful smile on his face, until you walked passed him, your shoulder thumping against his that made him fall, he looked back at you and furrowed his eyebrows, his heart shattered in pieces as he swore he heard it break like glass, it was already cracked. 

You could have asked him why he broke your heart

You could've told him that you fell apart

But you walked past him like he wasn't there

And just pretended like you didn't care.

He ran away from you and now it was your turn, you told yourself not to cry, to save your tears for another day, or for another, he wasnt worth it, at least thats what you told yourself. He watched as you disappeared, sadness engulfing him as he sat against the wall. “Fuck” he ran his hands through his hair before he looked your direction again, tears threatning to roll down his cheeks as he couldnt believe that happened, but it was his fault, and once he noticed that, he broke down in tears.

he made you think that he would always stay

He said some things that he should've never said

 He broke your heart like someone did to his, 

And now you won't love him for a second time.

He didnt know it would make you cry when he ran away, he didnt even know why he ran away. He wanted to chase after you, for you to take him back because this time he really wanted to stay, two years, much too late. He didnt deserve you, you deserved better, not someone who left you for someone he didnt even talk to anymore, tony. 

“Save your tears, y/n” you told yourself, but you couldn't take it, you ran to your car and opened the door, getting in the driver's seat you cried, slamming the door shut as your back hunched and you hit the hunk, kicking and hitting the steering wheel until you couldn't anymore, tears ruining your makeup as you looked at yourself through the rear view, your hair a mess, your eyeliner ruined, you, ruined. you couldn't save your tears, you couldn't save them for another day, or another. Peter, the love of your life, ran away, and you cant love him again, because, he broke you.

[tigerdrop]

king u gonna elaborate on virgin benrey

 listen i have kiryu “is 100% a virgin at the ripe old age of 37, and this is appealing to me instead of fucking hilarious″ kazuma disease and it has followed me here. also this kind of branches into a completely different kink at the end b/c i am diseased

so you know how i write "obviously fucks good and hard all the time" benrey. well........you know.......like..........what if......................he didnt. what if he was. what if he had never fucked before in his life and his incessant flirting finally works and hes like "i did not expect to get this far."

envision, if u will, the delightful awkwardness of virgin benrey + "has never had sex with a dude before" gordon

ive definitely brought up the possibilities of gordon going all science-brain on null benrey before but i think it works just as well on virgin benrey too. its a learning experience for both of them and if theres one thing gordons good at, its research. and gordon probably gets way too up in his own head about making sure he does this shit right and spends a lot of sleepless nights googling "how to have sex with dudes" and, you know, researching, 

if benreys not the one fucking babying him thru his first gay experiences he is probably going to bungle it so fucking badly and i think it would be really funny 

alternatively please consider gordon being so fucking neurotic about benrey never having done this shit before that he avoids the subject as hard as possible, thinking that hes gonna dick it up hardcore, but the whole time benreys just thinking "bro i havent had my dick touched in [however long hes been alive]. come on". the tension

furiously making out with him behind a fucking crate in black mesa and then realizing this is Going Places and gordons voice breaks as he says, way too loud, "I GOTTA UHHH GO RELOAD MY SMG. RIGHT NOW"

you think gordon is touch starved ? no. Hell with this 

Im just tsying theres no evidence hes been touched at all by another human being in his life before this. if hes video game in real he benrey noclip out of being touched 

what if he like, chooses not to noclip/not feel....ON that time gordon catches him. just cuz hes curious, a gay impulse. or maybe hes so surprised (and gay) he forgets to avoid it

and oh, to be in gordon freeman's gentle grasp. makes him into an unholy annoyance of awkward gayness for the rest of the series

YEAS.......also he has definitely thought hard about sucking gordons dick but doesnt actually have any idea how he would go about it. hes just heard its cool

giddy thinking about the scenario where its actually benrey whos terrible at sucking dick b/c hes never done it before and gordon who actually does suck dick like a champ

i know that this is literally the plot of the very first serious nsfw fic in this fandom but still. virgin beney. benrey getting sucked off for the first time in his entire life and shaking like a fucking leaf......

Power trip of Gordon realizing this guy whose been hitting on him the whole time has no idea what to actually do 

Gordon Freeman Gives Benrey A Prostate Exam

its a joke but its not a joke. virgin benrey being vaguely aware that being fucked by gordon freeman would be cool, in theory, but not fully conceptualizing of how you actually get a dick in your ass until gordons like "what?? no, dude, you cant just stick it in there" and gives him a demonstration and thats how benrey discovers he has a prostate 

benrey like "idgi man this just feels weird. when do we get to theohhh my god what. what that" and gordons like "what, u mean this?" (curls his fingers again) mean smirk hours

i want him to make a squeaky little noise when gordon says that and curls his fingers again, and gordon's like "ha- knew he'd like it" and keeps kneading him a while; but oops, suddenly benrey's coming with an even squeakier noise 

gordon's so surprised he just keeps going, hes like, not comprehending until benys whining at him to stop

a thought: benreys not good at "being human" and probably doesnt actually know whats supposed to happen when u nut so every time hes been jackin it he just does it until it starts to be Just A Little Too Much and then hes like "mission accomplished" and stops. imagine his fucking surprise when  gordons jerking him off and he doesnt stop and hes like "wh ha hu what the fuck i already got off bro" and gordon just stares at him and the distinctive lack of cum on his hand and s like ".......did you?  you sure about that one." 

tl;dr benrey squirming and babbling and digging his fingers into gordons back as he begs him to keep going, he doesnt know whats gonna happen and hes feeling totally overwhelmed b/c gordons pushing him further than hes ever been pushed and he keeps inadvertently trying to wriggle away b/c its So Much but gordon, maybe, pins down his hips so he can get benrey off For Real....... 

even better if its when gordons sucking him off for the first time so he can wrap his arms and hands around benreys thighs to keep them spread wide open and firmly in place 

knees shaking and thighs jumping constantly 

and benrey has no idea when its supposed to be over so he cant even warn gordon properly. he just keeps getting louder and louder....... 

maybe even.......completely hunched over gordon......pushing him down on his dick with his hands in his hair....... 

alternating between babbling "stop" and "dont stop" b/c hes stupid 

eventually gordon gets so sick of benrey not being able to decide whether he wants to shove gordon onto his dick or yank him off that he just pulls off and says "look, man, do you trust me?" b/c he would really like to just get benrey to stop edging himself here 

UNINTENTIONAL OVERSTIMULATION.......THE TEARS........HHHHHHH

and he eventually gets benrey to nod furiously at him that he trusts him and gordons just like, okay, im not gonna stop then. im gonna keep going. and.......he does 

eyes glazed, hair sticking to him with sweat, hips all twitchy, dick all red, face also all red 

sucking benrey dry until hes over sensitive....... 

He started off spasming then he’s rocking into Gordon’s face by the time he’s wailing his name. Panting and gasping like he’s fucking DROWNING 

gordon meanwhile almost nuts in his pants from the fuckin show that benreys puttin on for him and hes not even trying. hes just Like This. gordons got jerkoff material for the next month just thinking about the way benrey wails his name and clutches his hair tight 

benreys like (slurred) 'u gonna jack off or sumn.......was it not hot'. gordon fighting with every cell of his body not to scream "WAS IT NOT HOT?"

trying to decide what would be hotter: gordon jacking off while hes on his knees with his head resting on benreys thigh or jerking off on benreys stomach and.....r.......rubbing it in

benrey watching gordon cum and feeling a whole new context for it cause now he knows how good it feels and gets turned on again faster-

thinking.......about.......th. next time. now that benreys figured it out. he gives it a try on his own time and hes so surprised that it works that he goes up to gordon like "yo. check this out. i figured out how to jack it" and gordon has the most unimpressed look on his face imaginable 

"proud of you, buddy. am i good to go back to watching storage wars, or" "you wanna uhhh.....wanna see it maybe?" and that changes his entire tune

imagining benrey being so fucking bad at it still that he keeps doing the start-stop shit b/c its so intense and hes not used to it and the thing that actually gets him to finish is gordon, pants down to his knees and fisting his own dick like he might die tomorrow, leaning forward and telling him that hes got this, benreys gonna come for him, right? come for gordon? 

gordon fucking telling him "dont stop" WRT jerking himself off and benrey just listening to him and pushing himself is ruining my fuckin mind 

its a really good thought......i love how it plays into non-human benrey having to figure out human stuff........makes me crayz

probably keeps being sensitive for a long while too........ (mumbling very very quietly) and if hes so sensitive from never being touched before......maybe hes kind of........uhhh..................ticklish

new layers to the whole "oh my god its too much stop it" + "i actually dont want you to stop touching" thing .. . . .. . . . + gordon powertripping when he realizes whats going on with him and why he keeps jerking away and trying not to laugh when gordon touches him like on his stomach or his sides

benrey accidentally jerks too hard and knees gordon in the dick from how ticklish he feels just from like, hands on his sides or something

i was actually thinking about......like.......gordon laying on the ground and suffering (because why wouldnt i be thinking about gordon suffering) and deciding that enough is enough and offering to.......desensitize benrey. you know. for his own health

you know. uhhh. tying up his arms and legs, perhaps, and. you know. "do not noclip through these. i swear to god, benrey, if you kick me in the dick again" 

i'm think about benrey begging gordon to stop, so he does, to check if this is a Forreal stop or a "hahah nooo~" stop, and benrey asks him through gasps to keep fucking tickling him (except he just says smth to the effect of ."gh.. ....keep doing it dude wuhdah hell...") and gordon gets an evil fucking grin and just feels on top of the world "yeah?? think you can handle it, huh???" and just destroys him. benrey thinks about gordon's horny manic face for weeks 

neither of them had a thing for this before this point but the combination of feeling like hes being tickled and gordons hands on him for the first time making him mad horny gives benrey a brand new fucking fetish. gordons manic fucking face im so glad we are on the same wavelength about that

i truly hate my own posts. incurable. diseased

[rainingincale]

I just saw your tags on the "harry was oppressed" post. Might elaborate on that when you are not tired? How Zayn was oppressed? His relationship to ot4. Other celebrities? I love your thoughts!

*cracks knuckles* buckle your seat belts folks we’re in for a wild ride here lmao.

also for context *here* is the post this anon is referring to

I think to start off i should just make a little disclaimer, everything i am going to discuss will be based in my biases probably seeing as I am also a brown British Pakistani person who is Muslim. Zayn has been someone that especially when i was younger I looked up to and was very essential in my journey of learning to love and accept myself and my culture tbh. It’s cheesy as hell but it’s true and i think this is important to know before I go into this more because like I said i am definitely biased towards him. Another thing is that I’m just going to be discussing my personal opinions and also my memory is not very good so i will probably miss out a lot of other things that happened/could be discussed. please dont take this as anything more than just. my opinion.

A thing that really opened my eyes to racism and especially the racism in the 1d fandom was the day that zayn left. I dont think thats what the post above was about btw and ill go into that but i kind of just want to talk about this. The day he left was. a severe mess. Not only because it was obviously upsetting but because of all the bs that people were spouting about a situation that absolutely no one had any context on. the statement that was released on facebook gave us nothing. literally just stated that zayn was leaving the band and the accusations and hatred people were directing towards zayn when we didnt know what actually fucking happened (and still dont might i add) was disgusting. people accusing him of being selfish and how they hated him and why he had to ruin everything. Accusing him of using mental illness as an excuse and lying about it and so much more. i had unfollow more than half of the people i followed that day. it really opened my eyes to the fact that these were all thoughts and opinions people had underneath it all and zayn was fine as long as he was part of 1d and giving people what they wanted. which was essentially being the token in the group and once he wasnt providing that anymore? people turned and people turned fast.

i think its also important to point out the flip side of it and that was zayn stans saying that 1d were nothing without 1d etc. i want to talk about why this was different from ot4 stans hating zayn. of course it wasnt nice to see or hear EVERYONE arguing with each other. i hated it so much. but i think what people failed to realise was that when it comes to situations like this you need to look deeper and think about all the nuances of the situation. zayn stans being happy about zayn leaving the band and saying 1d was going to die i did not agree with. anyone who knew me then and knows me now knows that i am a 1d stan regardless (preferably ot5 but i supported 1d until the end even as a 4some) BUT these opinions were rooted in his mistreatment in the band and the racism he was having to face as a result of being in the band etc etc i apologise for not being a person who can better describe and explain this situation but hopefully you are getting the picture. when fans were hating on zayn. with no context with nothing. that was based on racism. point blank. the amount of tweets FROM 1D FANS talking about how he was leaving to join isis and how upset fans were gonna be vulnerable and join etc etc all this deplorable bs. and he had to deal with comments like that throughout his whole time with one direction and i imagine even now. 

Another thing id like to talk about is who zayn stans at least from my point of view usually were. For me i remember when i first got into the fandom i actively made the decision that i didnt want zayn to be my favourite because i didnt want to be a stereotype and this was a point in my life when i still tried to shun and push my culture down because i was ashamed of it. it was only as i slowly saw that zayn was considered as cool and hot and everyone else liked him that i kind of understood that maybe. being brown was alright and it was something cool and that maybe i was cool. it sounds fucked up and honestly i dont even know if i want to be admitting this so adamantly but argh if it helps someone understand then maybe its worth it. (mortifying ordeal of being known eh?) anyways i noticed as i engaged more in fandom and looked for more diversity, more fans like me, majority of non white fans were also... zayn stans. and honestly it makes sense because we all tended to flock towards the closest diversity we could find it seems. im not saying that there werent white zayn stans and that the other boys didnt have non white stans but i just wanted to point out this trend. so when you also take this into account and the fact that on the day zayn left it was majorly... white stans who were criticizing zayn it puts it in perspective for you. majority of fans who still like and support zayn are also not white.

there is a lot more to do with fans but hopefully thats enough of an insight and you can understand the kind of vibes that were present during 1ds prime and what not only zayn had to go through but also as a result the racism we ended up having to deal with as well tbh.

now!!!... something i dont really like talking about lol so this will probably be short but the other boys. so as far as i can remember liams always been kind to zayn since hes left (no surprise there <3 also please correct me if im wrong), niall was kind of indifferent/didnt say anything really, and then there was louis and harry *awkward smile*. hahaha. from my memory i remember when asked about what the most difficult thing was about zayn leaving harry said ‘the paperwork’ which was *awkward smile* and he also kicked that monkey mask/pinata? i cant remember with naughty boys face on it and honestly im sure theres more but his overall reaction to zayn leaving was kind of not caring and maybe being slightly nasty which :) with louis there was the massive twitter fight which literally tears my soul in half so lets not go into that haha and honestly other things where it maybe seemed like he was upset with zayn leaving as well. honestly i am a bit in two minds about these reactions because at the end of the day we dont know what occurred behind the scenes and we probably never will as much as we can speculate or whatever. not to mention that this 10th anniversary it seems maybe everyones on good terms which, who knows really im going to try be optimistic. i think whats important to note about heir reactions is that we dont know anything about their situations but the problem was really how fans reacted tbh (btw i forgot to mention earlier this is about basically everything except for harry and the nb thing. that is inexcusable). the boys reactions were understandable but the problem is that fans of course vicariously are influenced by the boy they stan so when one of them acted a certain way of course that ended up reflecting in fandom and resulted in more racism etc. 

another thing with zayn was that there were many files leaked with like promo or whatever basically describing what kind of role the boys would take on/ their image etc. and of course all the other boys got things like bubbly/funny/charming etc and zayns descriptors? moody, mysterious, dark horse etc etc like from the inception of 1d zayn has been victim to racist stereotypes being pushed on him. and i think this is where harry comes in because of course the image pushed onto him was also extremely harmful and i definitely dont think we should not talk about that but often you'll see that... thats all that is talked about because people are uncomfortable admitting racism and talking about it. 

When i mentioned other celebrities my point was basically just that while ive only talked about zayn in one direction this... is so present among any and every fandom. 5sos, Little Mix, Fifth Harmony... any fandom you can think of, i promise you it is there. racism in fandom is a real thing and a big problem and honestly this is why i always say representation is so important. and when i say that i mean everywhere!!! because if I didnt seek out non white fans to follow then maybe i would’ve had a completely different perspective on all of this.

The thing is also that a lot of this is just stuff that we’ve been able to get our hands on and also fan analysis and theories etc. there is probably so much more to talk bout or go into or stuff we’ll never even know about. I’ve kind of had to make peace with the fact that with celebrities you just really don’t actually know anything about them.

I think i’ll end this here if there’s any more questions you have about anything feel free to ask! and again this is all just my opinion  but hopefully i’ve been able to help answer you <3 have a nice day and i hope youre hydrated!!!