#milk-post

[askthedaycareshow]

Lunar you should get bloodmoon to drink milk * if allowed I hand him a jug of milk*

lunar:ok hey blood moon try this

lunar:lets not have bloodmoon drink milk anymore

bloodmoon:bloodmoon is ok

[calamitys-child]

What's everyone's favourite flowers that aren't like. The normal ones. Like everyone's a fan of roses and sunflowers what's a more niche one. One you don't get in gift sets. Mine's sweet peas

[i-am-a-fish]

shoutout to my homegirl Almond Milk

[superkursunaskr]

[pinkbuck]

911 + dumb buck moments

[whoify]

chibnall on gay doctor: hmm… well since the fans want it… i suppose we can insinuate that it would be possible for the doctor to feel a gay feeling

kate herron and briony redman: We Will Get The Doctor Dicked Down

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[coffit0]

You're so lovable, Pure Vanilla Cookie

[astrelle]

shadow milks from past months <3

[milkteamoon]

t4t jmart is an especially funny flavor to me because I think if Martin discovered his boss was trans he would think it was really cool that he has something in common on a deeply personal level with the guy he wants to be respected by and if Jon found out his coworker was trans he would think that this is just another attempt of Martin trying to Show Him Up, personally

[speltfields]

[concerningly sweaty] i think he'd...grow a beard in the winter...!!!!!!!!!!

[carlyraejepsans]

online harassment campaigns are genuinely terrifying and part of why they're terrifying is that they make you feel like you're going insane—especially if they're false, frame you maliciously on purpose or blow things wayy out of proportion—because like. asides from it feeling really fucking bad due to the aforementioned tide of toxic sludge coming your way all at once, you genuinely start to doubt your perception of reality because surely this isn't... right? surely people can tell this isn't real/there's no way this kind of reaction is warranted or deserved, right?

if any of your friends ever go through that the single most helpful thing you can do is reach out to them & be like "jesus christ these people are nuts, are you okay?" PLEASE do, even privately if you're afraid of being dragged in. they'll never thank you enough, it's a literal life raft for their sanity

[cuppajj]

interesting business decision

[superkursunaskr]

[zhivchikov]

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP 🗣️🗣️❗❗❗