#migraine quick treatment

[devotion-disorder]

be careful what you wish for...the village Killian's from is having a bit of a population crisis right now, and having a nice little human come by could be just what they need...

Oh noooo....I'm just a naive human lost in this big forest with no one waiting for me...would be a shame if some beautiful elves whisked me away and brainwashed me into thinking I'm their pet/breeding machine and only need their "love and devotion". That would be terrible /silly

- 🩵

wdym the beautiful elf men do not, in fact, have my best interests in mind and were planning something nefarious from the start </3 I was just gonna write down some quick thoughts but it kinda got out of hand LOL

Content warning for: implied drugging (hypnotics, aphrodisiacs), dubcon/ noncon touching (nothing explicit though), manipulation, slight obsessive/ yandere themes, general elven condescension?

Imagine that you’ve accidentally wandered too deep into the forest and lost your way, your shoes hardly holding up in the rough terrain, and the last remaining rays of the setting sun are snuffed out by the overgrown foliage…

To make things worse, you walk right into some sort of trap - a stumbling step is all it takes to activate the runic trip switch, and a suffocating cloud of purple gas is the last thing you remember before things fade to dark…

How clumsy of you! Good thing Priest Killian happened to be on his evening walks when he spotted your pitiful form twitching and writhing in the hunting trap he’d set up; carefully he scooped you up and went his way back to the village. Only the most observant would be able to discern that the Priests’ unmoving smile seemed a bit wider than usual.

It was a trap the elves set up for hunting animals, he’d explained. The poison was almost enough to be fatal, had he not been there in time to save you. It’ll also take a bit for all the toxins to be out of your system. No worries though, because Killian offers to take care of you in his quarters until you’re up on your feet again. 

You don’t even remember if you’d managed to give a response, what with lead-heavy limbs and relentless migraine pulsing in your head. Luckily, Killian treated you with utmost care. 3 meals a day (along with the antidote treatment) brought to your bed (well, his bed), and spoon-fed to you because you were too weak to even sit up. He massaged your stiff muscles and brushed your hair. He ran warm baths and washed you – and even then he never opened his eyes – so at least there was some comfort in that.

Under Killian’s care you gradually regain your strength, save for the occasional dizzy spell and fatigue. But he saved your life after all! Feeling indebted to him, you offer to stay longer in the village to help around. While Killian’s expression is ever-unreadable, you can’t help but sense a bit of…amusement from him upon your suggestion. Regardless, he agrees – so long as you agree not to wander too far outside the village, because it’s very dangerous out there, he said.

And of course, he maintained a watchful eye over you, shadowing your tottering form as you went around introducing yourself to the other villagers. How cute.

You worked whatever odd jobs the elves had for you. which isn’t much at all. Mostly just menial tasks, or perhaps relaying messages. Things that they could’ve easily done themselves with their magic, but it’s fun watching an over-enthusiastic little human do it instead, so eager to please. You would say they are…endeared, perhaps. Or maybe they’re just looking out for you, what with your unfinished recovery. Anyhow, the elves are charmed by the newfound presence in the village.

Killian gifts you a new set of clothes, made by the local tailor (you don’t remember visiting a tailor for measurements at any point though, strange). To help you feel more at home, he said. It's pretty, a delicate garment that flutters cool against your skin in the warm summer heat, with an unmistakably elven style of elegance. It is a little short but, well, elves are known for being tall so maybe they're not used to human proportions? The white silk is a bit sheer in places, and you tried to ignore how it clung to the contours of your body when you sweat…

You hadn’t expected elves to be so openly affectionate. Being a long-living race known for their high culture and intelligence, it made for the perception that they were maybe a bit prudish, engrossed in their endless pursuit of finer things to care about lowly desires. But you suppose the elves are as curious of you as you are of them. You got to know some of them quite well, and soon it was routine for them to envelop you in their embrace. They pet your hair and nuzzle into your neck (Killian said something about how common skinship is in elven culture), at times slipping their digits beneath your clothes…sometimes you don't really remember, because the medicine still made you a bit sluggish. But it's ok! Their affectionate nature is a surprise but one you welcome. You think. 

During all of which, your treatment continued. Just a little longer, Killian promised. The side-effects seem to show no sign of waning, if not worsening at times. Sometimes you struggle to recall what has happened and what has not. The elves didn’t seem to mind, gladly cradling your tired body when you are overcome with sudden bounds of weakness. You poor little thing, they cooed, one hand combing through your hair to distract you from their other that wandered along your body.

Some days the medicine leaves you feeling more flushed than usual, and a strange feeling you can’t quite place invades your senses; a deep, frustrating kind of yearning that throbbed in your core. You assume it's the side-effects of advanced elf sorcery/ enchantment in your antidote treatment. It’s a tad embarrassing, but you can’t really do anything about it when the elves (if not the Priest himself) check in on you so frequently. 

Your only reprieve comes when Killian slots himself snug against your smaller form at bedtime. Were you always this close? You’re not sure if you recall, trying desperately to suppress the suggestive thoughts flooding your brain. His cool hands trail over your body, and it feels way too good against your overheating skin, so good that you can’t even think about resisting as his lips come crashing on top of yours, when he slips his arm underneath your waist to push you closer, closer against him.

Stumbling out of Killian’s quarters in the dead of night, confused, and your vision blurred by hot tears, all you can think about is getting away from him, from this godforsaken place. The other elves stepped out of their houses from the commotion. It was as if something in the air shifted. Their friendly, curious pretenses have dropped completely, leaving a ravenous hunger and unyielding need in their place. The way they leer at your body, the disheveled elven outfit failing to provide much cover, makes your hair stand on their ends. The elves close in on you, their concerned voices laced with something unmistakably sinister. You’re trapped.

A gentle hand on your shoulder snaps you out of your stupor.

“Now, now, I’m sure we’re all very excited about our little one here, but everyone will have their turn sooner or later.” Killian explains. He leans close to your ear, whispering in a volume only audible to you. “Look at you getting everyone so riled up already. Aren’t you such a needy little pet?” You’re paralyzed in fear, but his husky voice in your ears is still setting your nerves alight. 

“I’ll give you two choices. Either you let me 'take care of you' back at home,” his arms snaked around your body again, lithe fingers fanning across your thighs. “Or we’ll give everyone a show, and maybe let them get...a preemptive taste, as well. What’ll it be?”

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[ink-flavored]

spitballing some hypothetical magical ailments to use for my urban fantasy anthologies

Wizard Cramps

Caused by having a spell localized to one area for long periods of time

Stiffness or soreness in muscles, skin discoloration (can be many colors or change colors regularly), mirage-like shimmer over the affected area

Taking an over-the-counter magic suppressant until symptoms subside

Enchanter’s Burn (also Creeping Runes)

Caused by having active runes on one area of the body for long periods of time

Rash, skin discoloration (can be many colors or change colors regularly), burning sensation, runes on the body in the place they were written even if previously washed off

Taking over-the-counter magic suppressants and/or using magic suppressing cream on the affected area

Spell Fatigue (also Hex Aches)

Caused by casting too many spells in quick succession or one spell that drains a lot of capacity

Seeing flashes of color, muscle spasms, extreme fatigue, headaches or migraines, inability to cast spells for an extended time

Rest, refraining from casting spells, drinking a magic-replenishing potion, eating food

Potion Sickness (also Hocus-Pukeus)

Caused by drinking too many potions in quick succession, one extremely powerful potion, or a poorly made potion

Nausea and/or vomiting, dizziness, hand tremors, odd-smelling breath

Rest, drinking lots of non-magic fluids, over-the-counter flu medication or magic suppressants

Premature Abscission (also Autumn Heart)

Exclusive to dryads; caused by stress or anxiety, depression, lack of sun or water, or a particular branch being choked of nutrients

Flowers and leaves rotting and falling off too early in the season/before autumn/falling off at all if the dryad is an evergreen species; can be all leaves or only a particular branch

Depending on the cause, there can be many treatments. Most professionals recommend additional sunlight and water no matter what, potentially a pruning if the dryad is particularly wild-growing

[polarspaz]

Some KnowingToomuch AU doodles!

Starting upper right: Tim somehow gets into a really nasty entanglement with another eldritch being, and the entity below Arkham forces Jason to change in order to save Tim. It works, but Jason doesn’t take the transformation well.

Tim’s purpose it to foster hope, to keep people resolute and loyal to Gotham, but Jason’s purpose is rebirth. He is the avatar of the endless cycle of death and rebirth that both heroes and villains go through. That means that even if Batman dies, Jason ensures he is brought back to life, but this also means he has to give the same treatment to villains and resurrect them as well.

The knowledge that he is the reason the Joker keeps coming back is enough for Jason to be pushed mentally to the brink and Tim panics. His whole mission was to keep his family from becoming monsters like him, and seeing Jason in agony is enough to spur Tim into a very erratic decision. 

He erases Jason’s memory of the experience. 

It is not easy, and Tim is stuck in bed for a week with a migraine that exists on multiple realities, but Jason is back to being human, completely unware once more. So Tim should be happy right? Well No, considering the fact he feels incredibly guilty for tampering with Jason’s memory and Jason? Well he’s not an idiot and knows Tim is hiding something from him.

The pic next to that is when Tim loses control of his form in front of the Batfamily for the first time.

It’s been 2 months since Tim changed and he’s been doing a great job at looking and acting completely normal, expect for one tinny, tiny, mistake he makes one night.

He is abruptly awoken from his nap and called down to the Batcave for an emergency. Still half asleep, he gets up and shuffles down there to see Bruce and Duck arguing by the computer. He yawns and stands next to Damian, only to have the younger give him a confused double take before asking. “Who the hell are you?!”

Tim rolls his eyes and goes to say something sarcastic but stops when he notices something, he is standing eye to eye with Damian. He takes a quick glance down at himself and realizes he is 13 years old again.

Dick and Bruce are now looking at him in alarm and Tim unconsciously shifts his form back into his current older self right in front of them. This of course causes things to get even worse and Tim just straight up loses control and shifts into his full eldritch form.

Knowing he can’t tell them the truth, Tim lies and says that his current state is because of a recent scuffle he had with a magic caster. The family buys it at first but as the months creep by and with no cure for Tim’s ‘condition’ in sight they start to get suspicious. 

-----

The bottom left pic, thelittle green monster, is Damian if he ever got an eldritch form. ((Damain is not old enough/entrenched enough to have a purpose bestowed upon him like the rest of the Batfam.))

And next to that is Dick still teasing Tim, even if they are eldritch horror monsters now. ((Dick purpose is to ignite joy and humanity for Gotham. His influence actually helps the rest of the Batfamily retain their human feelings and emotions. And just like Jason, this also benefits the villains too.)) 

And then next to that is Tim hanging out with Cass. Even with his new body, Cass can still easily read his body language and Tim finds comfort in that.

[starlightkun]

➠ word count: 4.5k ➠ warnings: cursing, suggestive (no smut but they’re in love and horny lol) ➠ genre: fluff, established relationship, former hockey captain sungchan, chronically ill reader (chronic migraines), shortfic in the buzzer beater series (comes after saltwater smiles), some minor angst again but it’s about like growing up and being a human and finding your place and purpose as an adult, not between our couple or anything ➠ extra info: the reader in this has chronic migraines, which i have. when the reader’s migraines, experiences as a chronically ill person, and thoughts about being chronically ill are described, that is me writing directly from my own life. i am not generalizing the lives of all people with chronic migraines/chronic illnesses, but i am sending all my love to any readers out there living with a chronic illness, and here’s a reminder to go take your meds! ➠ series masterlist

“It feels like I can’t ever move on from this. From being Sungchan the hockey captain. I know you were just joking when you said it but—I don’t want to actually be that guy that peaked in college.”

“Yo, tell them about the championships against the Sharks, Sungchan!” Your colleague, Seunghan, insisted, pushing on your fiancé’s shoulder with his hand that held a drink.

Sungchan looked down at his feet for a moment, and you caught a quick flash of hesitation on his features before he looked back up at the group of enthralled people and gave a lighthearted chuckle and charismatic smile. “I’ve already told that story tonight, I’m sure everyone here doesn’t want to hear it again. Besides, don’t you all want to hear about Y/N’s paper?”

You two were at a rather ritzy gathering being thrown by your department celebrating that one of your articles had been chosen for publication in a huge literary theory journal.

“Anton wasn’t here when you told it earlier!” Seunghan shook a grad student instructor in your department. “And we’ve all read her paper like a hundred times before it got published.”

You reached up to squeeze Sungchan’s arm through his suit jacket. “It’s okay, Channie. I want to hear about it. That was championships your junior year, right? I wasn’t there, remember?”

He focused his gaze down on you for another second as if making extra sure, and you nodded and gave him a smile for good measure. He sighed, wrapped his arm around your shoulders, and began the story, much to all your colleagues’ delight.

A little later in the night found you by the drinks table with Ten. When you had moved back to your old college town to accept a position with the Literature department, you hadn’t expected to walk in on your first day and see a familiar face. Sure, you knew you’d be seeing Dr. Son, who was the department head now and had conducted your interview, and several of your old professors, but you’d been keeping up with most of your old schoolmates and as far as you knew, Ten had moved away after you two finished your two-year master’s program and remained there.

Ten swirled his cocktail around his glass before taking a sip, his eyes trained on your fiancé, who was still surrounded. “Why do I never get that treatment?”

“Maybe you should’ve been captain,” you snickered, taking another sip of your soda.

“Too much work.” Your friend wrinkled his nose. “So what is your man doing these days anyway? He get that PhD in molecular biology about fish or whatever?”

“Yep, he’s a whole doctor,” you told your coworker, looking over at your guy with pride. “Defended his thesis last spring, we did a short stint abroad for about a year for him to study some rare fish in the tropics to cure a rare blood disease. I enjoyed all the food and the sun, really. He probably got skin cancer. And now we’re back here. He’s actually doing his post-doc research here, too.”

“He’s curing blood diseases in tropical fish?”

“No, sorry, in people,” you covered your mouth as you laughed. “Somehow, the fish could help cure a human blood disease, I’m not sure about anything past that.”

“And you’ve got a fat rock on your finger,” he teased, grabbing your hand to inspect your engagement ring. “What a power couple.”

You giggled, letting him look over the ring. “Yeah, something like that. He proposed when we were abroad. God, it was the most gorgeous sunset. Just us, nice and quiet.”

“I’m invited to the wedding, right?”

“Duh. We just haven’t sent invites yet, bitch.” You pushed him with your foot, rolling your eyes. “It’s going to be a certified frat party, I’m afraid.”

“Kegger?” Ten grinned.

“I’m enlisting Taeyong and Kun to keep all you menaces in check for me.”

“Well yeah, you can’t trust your Chenle-of-Honor to do that, he’ll be the first up to do a kegstand.”

You laughed heartily at that. “A few years ago, probably. But I’m happy to report my man-shaped best friend has grown into a real adult.”

“Really? What’s the little monster doing?”

“Middle management in advertising at a designer company. He’s got his eye on a promotion soon, though. Oh, and he’s got the cutest little dog.”

“Speaking of little monsters…” Ten trailed off, eyeing your drink, then your abdomen. “No alcohol?”

“I can’t drink on my medication, remember?” You shook the ice around in your glass smugly.

“Damn!”

As you rode home with Sungchan, your hands entwined over the console, you looked out the passenger window with contentment in your chest.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he sighed, stroking a thumb over the backs of your fingers.

“For what?” You turned to look at him curiously.

His features were pensive and regretful as he focused on the road in front of him, one hand on the steering wheel. “For being a distraction all night. Everybody was asking me about hockey the whole time when all the focus should’ve been on you and your awesome article. I’m sorry, I'll completely understand if you just leave me at home next time.”

“Channie, why the hell would I do that?” You asked through incredulous chuckles, turning to hold his hand with two hands. “Celebrating my accomplishments would mean nothing if I didn’t have you there with me.”

“But I just—”

“Admittedly, I didn’t expect there to be so many puckheads in the Lang department,” you shrugged. “But I know where we work, and you are a bit of a hometown celebrity around here, baby.”

“That sounds like something you’d call somebody who peaked in high school.”

“Right, my bad. You peaked in college.”

“Rude.” He knocked your elbow with his, making you laugh.

“I’m kidding, handsome. But I am proud of you. I snagged a good guy, and I am not going to hide you away when I go to these events just because people are going to ask about your hockey career.”

“It’s not fair to you.”

“I appreciate you trying to put the focus back on me tonight, I really do.” You squeezed his hand. “But when Seunghan said everybody in the department had read my article hundreds of times, he meant it. They all helped proof and revise it dozens of times each. I was tired of reading it by the time it was accepted if I’m being honest with you. Hearing about your hockey game was a welcome reprieve from thinking about the body as a critical site for sex, gender, and political ideology in M. Butterfly.”

“Do you mean that or are you trying to make me feel less like a dick?”

“I mean it, baby boy.” You pinched his cheek.

He squirmed in his seat as he slowed to a stop at a red light. “You never call me that anymore…”

“Seems like you needed it.”

“Hey,” he said softly, turning his head to look at you. “I love you.”

“I know.” You cupped his cheek, stroking his cheekbone fondly. “I never doubted that for a second, baby.”

Sungchan leaned across the console to press his lips to yours, cradling the back of your head. You hummed delightedly into the kiss, moving your mouth against his sweetly.

When you felt the car suddenly roll forward, you jerked back, gripping his arm with a yelp. “Channie!”

He was already grabbing the steering wheel with two hands and slamming on the brakes again. “Fuck! Sorry!”

The car had moved forward less than half a meter and you were the only car at the intersection, but it was enough to get your heart racing.

“Are you okay, baby?” Sungchan checked on you with wide eyes, keeping one hand on the wheel as he reached his other hand over to grab your knee.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” You put your hand over his to reassure both of you. The light turned green then. “Let’s just uh, get home in one piece, hm?”

“Sounds like a plan.” He patted your thigh, leaving his hand there as he slowly started the car forward again.

“Channie?” You called out into the house, shrugging off your coat. You’d stayed a bit late to grade papers, and while Sungchan would’ve usually stayed to walk home with you, he had wanted to get a head start on cooking dinner.

“Pantry!” He yelled back, voice distant as he was presumably deep in the walk-in pantry.

You continued shuffling through the mail you’d grabbed on your way in as you walked further into your house, tossing the junk mail in the trash as you fished out the one packet that had caught your attention. Stopping at the doorway to the pantry, you tore open the thick packet. Skimming the letter and investigating the two lanyards inside, you informed your fiancé, “Donghyuck’s team is having a preseason scrimmage at the university, and he sent us VIP passes.”

Sungchan stuck his head back out of the pantry. “So that’s why he asked for our address the other day.”

“When did you talk to Hyuck?” You asked as he gently took the letter and lanyards from your hands.

“He called me out of the blue a couple weeks ago. I was at the gym before work and completely forgot by the time I got home, sorry, baby.” He flipped over the passes hanging from the lanyards, bright green and dark black, the colors of the professional hockey team that Donghyuck had gone on to play for after college. “I thought he was going to crash on our couch or something, not this.”

“He’s a pro hockey player making like millions a year and you thought he was going to ask to couch surf?”

“You think he wouldn’t?”

“Good point,” you chuckled. “So how was he? Sound like he was doing well?”

“You said it yourself, he’s a pro hockey player making millions a year. I’m sure he’s doing great.”

You frowned up at him. “You didn’t ask?”

“It was a quick conversation, he’s busy,” Sungchan shrugged and handed everything back to you, disappearing into the pantry again. “We barely had time to say hello.”

“We should go,” you declared, setting the lanyards down in a spot so you two wouldn’t lose them.

“Baby, it’s a Friday. That’s our date night.”

“We can miss one date night for this, Channie,” you scoffed. “Besides, I’ve never heard of Jung Sungchan not wanting to go see a hockey game. Are you sure you’re my Sungchannie? Were you replaced by an alien or something?”

Sungchan kept his back to you as he started chopping vegetables. “Never mind, you’re right. We should go.”

You narrowed your eyes suspiciously, but didn’t push the issue further. “Alright...”

Sat back down in familiar bleachers, you hugged Sungchan’s arm tightly, buzzing with excitement. As much as you had loved watching Sungchan play hockey when you were younger, there was something special about watching it with him, having him explain plays, tell you if a player made the right call, or how he would have done it if he had been captain. Being able to see the sparkle in his eye up close as he watched one of his favorite things. You’d seen it plenty of times in the years that you stayed local while he got his PhD. Which is how you knew that something was wrong now, even as he tried to flash a smile at you every so often, ones that never reached his eyes. He didn’t join in the cheers very enthusiastically, and never engaged when the other guys around him tried to debate calls that the refs made.

You found out that the whole team from your senior year had been invited as well, though some of them couldn’t make it. So it was you, Sungchan, Mark, Ten, Jeno, and Chenle in the VIP section. Yangyang was staying abroad with his parents, while Sicheng was at a seminar for work. Chenle was of course invited as an honorary member of the team, fresh off a plane from Paris with that promotion in his pocket.

Donghyuck was Good. He had been great when he was on the Raptors, obviously, which was how he had gotten scouted to go pro, but now he was great. And this was just a preseason scrimmage, just him messing around. You were sure he was scary good when he was actually trying at their real games. He’d kept his old number from college, 66, and seemed to have his own legion of fans with posters and signs.

When the game was finally over—and Donghyuck’s team won—a representative from the team corralled everyone with the VIP lanyards and directed you towards a different area while the rest of the stands filtered out. You kept your hold on Sungchan’s hand as you waited in what you were pretty sure was the women’s locker room for your old friend.

Finally, Donghyuck ran in, and everyone immediately swarmed him, hooting and hollering, slapping him on the back, ruffling his hair, and making teasing remarks about being a big shot now.

“Mark!” Donghyuck threw his arms around his old Big’s neck, nearly knocking his friend over.

“Christ, dude,” Mark wheezed, stumbling back a couple steps. “Are you still wearing your gear or something?”

“Did you not keep up with our lifting regiment?” Donghyuck shamelessly felt up Mark’s arms, then gasped dramatically. “Am I the Big now?”

Mark swatted his hands away. “If you want to pay for all my beer and drive me around in your Lamborghini or whatever, sure.”

“Deal!” The pro player grinned, then turned to the next person, who happened to be you. “Y/N!”

“Hyuck!” You beamed, opening your arms wide for him to throw himself at you as well, only staying up since Sungchan was right behind you to catch you. “Hey, there! God, I can’t believe it! You killed it out there!”

“Thanks!” He let go of you with one arm to wrap it around Sungchan’s neck, pulling him into the hug with both of you. “Oh, it makes me so happy that you two are still together! Are you engaged? Married? Kids? I didn’t have time to ask Sungchan when I called the other week, I was heading into an interview.”

You leaned back as much as he would let you, just enough to show off your ring. “He proposed last year. We’re— eugh!”

You were cut off by Donghyuck tugging you two against him into a tight embrace again. You gave him a pat on the back as you continued, slightly choked with your throat pressed against his shoulder. “We’re looking at a spring wedding…”

“I love you guys so much…” Donghyuck sighed. “All of you. I hope you know that hasn’t changed.”

“We know that, Hyuck.” You coughed, rubbing his back. “Make sure we have your address so we can send you an invite, okay?”

“What did I tell you, Y/N? In undergrad?”

“You told me a lot.” You laughed as he finally let you and Sungchan go. “Some stuff you probably don’t want me to repeat right now.”

“I said you guys were soulmates. I knew you were gonna get married. I knew it.”

“Oh yeah, you did.” You squeezed his hand that he still had a grip on. “Hey, when you retire from pro hockey, you can be a fortune teller.”

“Don’t joke about that, I’m the star player, haven’t you heard?” Donghyuck was practically puffing out his chest. “I’m years off from retirement!”

Sungchan grabbed him by the scruff then, teasingly mussing up his hair. “What did we always tell you about bragging?”

Ten, Jeno, and Mark eagerly joined in on giving him a killer noogie, the four of them managing to keep him in place despite Hyuck being the only one who had remained a professional athlete.

“Ack!” Donghyuck complained as he was surrounded. “Y/N! Chenle! Somebody, help!”

“Promise you’ll buy us dinner with your star player money,” Chenle crossed his arms over his chest as he watched on, “and maybe Y/N and I will convince them to leave you alone.”

“Yeah!” Jeno agreed. “Dinner and drinks and we’ll consider!”

“This is extortion!” Donghyuck yelped.

“Glad to see some things don’t change…” You sighed, shaking your head. “You guys still pick on him.”

“He needs an ego check,” Jeno snorted, his arm now around Donghyuck’s neck.

“I was going to take you all out to dinner anyway!” Donghyuck pleaded. “Didn’t you people read the letters?”

“It was in the letter, guys,” you confirmed loudly.

The guys all looked at each other, slowly releasing their holds on the youngest. With sweet, proud smiles, they fixed his hair and straightened his branded hoodie back up, smacking his shoulder and patting his cheek between compliments of how well he played and specific moves he did, giving feedback on certain things he could improve on still. Donghyuck rolled his eyes at the constructive criticism, but you could see him struggling to suppress the fond curl of his lip at being surrounded by his old teammates again.

When you finally got home that night, you felt about ready to collapse into bed. You had a tired, happy smile on your face from seeing all your old friends again, and haphazardly tossed your go bag to the side before stepping out of your shoes. Sungchan didn’t follow you into the bedroom, as you had expected. You heard him detour to the kitchen, and your ears perked up with interest as you changed into your pajamas.

Sungchan didn’t just get a glass of water, though. You heard him rooting around in the snacks, and that’s when you got concerned. You had just eaten dinner and had drinks, and he had plenty of bar snacks as you all hung around and caught up after finishing dinner. He shouldn’t be scrounging for a midnight snack already.

After tossing your dirty clothes in the hamper, you ventured out to the kitchen determinedly. Sungchan hadn’t yet found something to eat, a frustrated pout on his face as he pulled out box after box, but didn’t open any.

“Hungry?” You asked curiously, leaning against the fridge.

“No,” he sighed, setting the container of crackers down loudly then rubbing his face harshly.

You held your hand out towards him, and he took it immediately. You led him back through your house by the hand, into your bathroom and let go there. Walking back out through the house, you grabbed his desk chair from your joint home office, and pulled it into the bathroom. He was standing exactly where you left him, and let you wordlessly push him down by the shoulders to sit in the chair. Washing and drying your hands, you then readjusted the chair, making sure he was exactly where you needed him. Then you climbed onto his lap facing him, the two of you perpendicular to your bathroom vanity. You grabbed a fuzzy character headband from one of your drawers and put it on him, pushing his hair back from his face.

“I—”

“Shh.” You stopped him as soon as he opened his mouth, putting your own headband on.

Next, you grabbed your cleanser.

“What—”

“Shh,” you repeated with more emphasis, holding his eye contact firmly, until he gave up and closed his mouth, letting his head fall back against the head rest.

You meticulously went through your whole extended skincare routine, doing each step first on Sungchan, then on yourself. He finally gave up on trying to talk, then finally relaxed, then really relaxed, his eyes fluttering shut and a pleased hum rising in the back of his throat.

“All done, handsome,” you announced at the end, giving his cheeks a final squish between your hands, then pulling off his headband and fluffing up his hair.

Sungchan slowly opened his eyes, reaching up to take your headband off as well.

You smiled down at him. “How are you feeling, Channie?”

“Better, thank you, baby,” he replied quietly.

“You want to talk about it?”

He couldn’t look you in the eye. “About what?”

“Whatever’s been getting you bummed lately. You weren’t all there tonight, I could tell. And the day we got the passes, you didn’t even want to come in the first place. That’s not like you.” You put both your headbands aside on the counter, then stood up off him. “You get changed into your pajamas, I’ll tidy up in here. We’ll talk in a few minutes, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He nodded, getting up and grabbing the chair to drag back with him.

You wiped down the bathroom counter and tidied up all your bottles and containers, listening to the sounds of Sungchan getting ready in the next room over. When you walked back into your bedroom, you were thrown for a loop as you couldn’t see your fiancé for a moment. You found him in your living room, sitting on your couch and holding a picture frame that usually lived on one of the end tables.

Sitting down beside him, you looked at the picture with him. It was of you two at his last collegiate hockey game, him still in his uniform as he picked you up and spun you around, bright smiles on both your faces. His face now was brooding, jaw clenched and eyes hard as he continued staring at it.

“You got me that for our first anniversary,” you commented softly. “I love that picture.”

“I do too,” he sighed, though his tone was much more bitter than his words.

“Talk to me, Channie,” you murmured. “What’s going on?”

“It feels like I can’t ever move on from this.” He shook the frame. “From being Sungchan the hockey captain. I know you were just joking when you said it but—I don’t want to actually be that guy that peaked in college.”

“Oh, Channie...” you breathed out, draping an arm across his back and leaning your cheek against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize...”

“It’s not you, baby,” he assured you, squeezing your knee. “It’s everything else. Like I try to do anything else, be anything else, but I’m just dragged back into that stupid jock box again.”

“Well, what do you want to be?” You asked as you sat back up, rubbing up and down the center of his chest soothingly. “Not what you think other people want you to be, or what you think you should be. What do you actually like? What do you want to do? Do you still like hockey? Outside of everybody’s opinions about you liking hockey? It’s okay either way, for you to still like it or not. It was the biggest thing in your life for like twenty years, baby. It’d be ridiculous to expect you to just suddenly not like it as soon as you graduated.”

“Do you really want a husband that just talks about sports all the time while you’re talking about smart stuff?” He sighed, letting his eyes close as he leaned all of his weight against you, his hands dropping to rest the frame in his lap.

“I want a husband that’s you. That’s why I accepted your proposal and not like, Dr. Yoon’s or something.”

“I’m going to assume you’re being hyperbolic to make a point and that my research head didn’t actually propose to you. Because if not, then I’m going to stop pouting and write my letter of resignation right now.”

“I’m trying to make a point here.”

“Which is?”

“You’re really underselling yourself, Channie.” You encouraged him to lay his head in the crook of your neck, not letting up your movements on his sternum. “You’re plenty smart. We’ve been together for almost seven years and I still couldn’t keep track of a hockey game if a gun was to my head. Meanwhile you were a whole captain. You had to make decisions on your feet—or, your skates. Not to mention, hm, oh yeah, you have a PhD in molecular biology. Did you forget about that? Doctor Jung?”

“Oh yeah,” he mumbled into your collarbone.

“Oh yeah,” you mimicked him lovingly. “I nearly flunked my bio for non-majors course my freshman year, you know.”

“What?” He squinted up at you. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“You knew I was a Bio major, you should’ve asked me for help.”

“I kick myself every day for it,” you replied melodramatically, and finally saw a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “So? Do you think you still like hockey or not?”

He let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I do. I really do.”

“Good. I’m glad.” You kissed the top of his head. “I want you to do stuff that makes you happy.”

“Coach came and found me at the lab last week... the day we got the VIP passes from Donghyuck. He’s looking for a part-time assistant coach, said I was his first pick,” Sungchan admitted quietly.

“That’s why you were so... off that day, huh?”

“Yeah. It felt like I was handed a pamphlet for a retirement home.”

You chuckled as he reached forward to set the picture down on the coffee table, then grabbed your hand that was on his chest. He looked up at you with heartachingly familiar, big, round doe eyes, ones that hadn’t changed in the ten years since you’d first met.

“I told him no but... I’m thinking maybe I should ask if he’s found someone else yet?”

“I think that’s a great idea, baby.” You pecked his forehead. “Coach Jung… I think I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, a much different look in his eye as he sat up to his full height, towering over you.

“I don’t know, let me try it again.”

“Go ahead.”

“Coach Jung.” You reached for the back of his neck as he laid you down on your couch, hovering over you. “Yeah, it’s got a nice ring to it, huh? Powerful, sexy. I love a man with a whistle.”

“You’re so dorky,” he snickered, letting you pull his lips down to yours. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more, my Sungchannie.” You cradled his face with both of your hands.

“Lies.” He kissed your lips. “Impossible.” He kissed your neck.

“Says who?”

“Who has the whistle here?”

“You don’t have one yet,” you teased, holding your arms up for him to pull your shirt off. “Assistant Coach Jung.”

Sungchan kissed a trail down your front, stopping above your waistband. “You’re forgetting something, baby.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m a scientist, with a degree and everything, and I say it’s scientifically impossible for anybody to love anybody more than I love my girl.”

You made grabby hands at him, and he rose up from where he had settled between your legs, entirely blocking out the lights above you. You connected your mouths together again, wrapping your arms and legs around him so tightly he had no choice but to lay his entire weight on top of you.

“No fair,” you complained into his mouth. “I just told you I almost flunked Gen Ed bio.”

“You should’ve let me be your sexy tutor, then.” He didn’t sound sympathetic at all.

“Yeah, freshman you all sweaty and nervous in your hockey team hoodie.” You broke apart to giggle. “Real hot stuff, Channie. Literally.”

“You’re lucky you’re the love of my life, or I’d be really hurt at some of the stuff you say to me, you know.”

“You’re right.” You gave him a peck. “I am lucky that I’m the love of your life.”

➠ next | series masterlist | blog masterlist

[steddieas-shegoes]

For the requests: traumatized steve & eddie going to a wolf sanctuary and eddie watching steve basically live with the wolves in their area. And the one wolf,the one that hated everyone, the one who meaner and didn't get along with anyone to its cruel abusive situation (perhaps it was raised from puppyhood and onwards by people who used it in dogfighting, before it was rescued, that wolf, goes right up to Steve and sits by him. Giving him comfort. When Steve has bad nightmares he goes to that wolf's pen and they sleep cuddled together bc that wolf also has nightmares. (It can also be a wolfdog)

AS ALWAYS YOU COME THROUGH WITH SOMETHING FUN AND CREATIVE AND AS ALWAYS I MAKE IT EMOTIONAL AS SHIT!!! I was feelin' some type of way yesterday and started on this at peak emotional upheaval, which is really something I don't recommend. As many things tend to do, this got away from me and I think I could've still let it keep going, but I had to cut it off. Hope you love it!!! - Mickala ❤️

-----------------------------------------------

It was Robin’s idea.

She knew therapy wasn’t working. She knew firsthand that the nightmares, especially Steve’s, were impossible to handle some nights.

She stayed with him enough after the Russians to know he was averaging four hours of restless sleep on a good night.

And now that he’d seen the horrors of the Upside Down, and Eddie almost dying, and Max almost dying, and the guilt of just existing, they were worse.

Eddie had them, but he was usually able to calm down relatively quickly, usually even fall back into a dreamless sleep after.

His problem was just seeing the bats everywhere, even when he was awake. A large bird would fly by and he was ducking for cover like a bomb would be dropped on him. He’d hear screeching, sometimes even just kids yelling at the park, and he’d have a panic attack.

Drastically different problems, but Robin said this could help with both of them.

So Steve and Eddie stood outside the wolf sanctuary, staring at the front office entrance where they were told to check in.

They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

It’s not that they were scared. They’d been told about the process on the phone in great detail, the sanctuary director answering all of their questions in a friendly tone.

She’d said that the wolf sanctuary had been used as a form of therapy for people for years now, though many psychiatrists didn’t consider it an appropriate treatment.

Considering Steve and Eddie had been seeing a professional psychiatrist for months now with no progress and serious weight loss and migraines from their prescriptions, they were willing to give this a fair shot.

But their fear that it wouldn’t work kept circling through their minds.

If this didn’t work, they weren’t sure what else they could possibly try.

That was terrifying.

They were supposed to stay for a month, with the option of extending the stay if they felt they needed it.

It was expensive.

But this was on the US government, and Eddie was always quick to spend their money for his benefit.

Steve was just along for the ride.

They walked in together, both nervously looking around at the chairs and desks, bookshelves, pictures of wolves and mountains on the walls, and one small, gray-haired woman at the front desk.

“Oh, aren’t you two precious! Which one’s Steve and which one’s Eddie?”

“I’m Steve,” Eddie smirked as he held out his hand.

Steve smacked his arm.

“He’s Eddie, and he’s probably gonna be this way the whole time. Sorry in advance,” Steve told the woman.

“This is wonderful! You’ll be fun to have around. I’m Fran, I run the front office. I spoke to you the other day on the phone a bit about the check in. Are you boys ready?”

They both nodded.

She clapped her hands together in excitement.

Steve could tell Eddie loved her. She was full of theatrics like he was, every word punctuated by an exaggerated movement.

“First, the boring part. We did some of the first part over the phone, but these packets need to be filled out completely and given back to me. You can have a seat anywhere to do those. When that’s done, I’ll show you where to bring your bags so you can unpack and get comfortable. We can do a tour before dinner.”

She placed the packets on the desk in front of her, then took two pens out of a mug and placed them down too.

“If you have any questions, let me know. You two are just the cutest!”

She walked through a small doorway a few feet behind her desk and they grabbed the packets to start filling them out.

The first page was basic personal information, which had been filled out already. The second page was emergency contact information and how they were referred. But the third page is where it got difficult.

It has questions like “What is your worst memory?” and “Who is the person you would most expect to protect you in a life or death situation? Why?”

And while Eddie and Steve could probably answer those easily from terrible experiences, there was a lot they weren’t allowed to say.

So they just stuck with the official government stories for any and all Upside Down related parts, which was most of them.

Fran bustled back in, two steaming mugs in her hands. She set them on her desk carefully and then walked over to where Eddie was sitting.

“How’s it going?”

“Good. Almost done,” he smiled up at her.

“And you, dear?” She asked Steve.

“Good. I’m sorry I write kind of slow.”

Steve’s face was red, like he was embarrassed. Eddie watched as he focused on the paper in front of him, his hand moving slowly across the paper.

Steve’s concussions had a lot of lasting effects; migraines and one ear that was barely working, the occasional speech delay, and an inconvenient struggle with writing, especially if it was answering questions about himself like this.

Eddie distracted Fran as he wrote his last answer, talking to her about her favorite part of the sanctuary and how long she’s been working here.

He handed the packet to her when he was done, glancing over at Steve to see he was just starting on the last page.

“Hey, Fran, would it be okay if you helped me get our bags from the car while Steve finishes up?”

Steve sent him a grateful smile as he continued answering the questions on the paper.

As he walked with Fran to the car, she touched his arm.

“He’s got a lot going on, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s been dealing with this a lot longer than I have,” Eddie smiled sadly at her, touching her hand to accept the comfort she was giving and give some in return. “I hope this works for both of us, but I’d be happy as long as it works for him.”

“You care a lot about him.”

It wasn’t a question, and her tone wasn’t judging, but Eddie could just tell. He should panic, he should tell her it wasn’t like that. And it wasn’t for Steve.

But he’d been hiding it for so long, and somehow successfully, he couldn’t lie to her.

“I love him. He doesn’t know how much. I did this for him, mostly. I mean I want it to help me too, but I know he wouldn’t have tried this if I didn’t come and he,” Eddie sighed. “He needs this. He can’t keep going like he has been.”

Fran pulled him into a hug and he did all he could not to start crying.

“He’s lucky to have you on his side no matter what, darling. And I’d bet anything he thinks the same of you,” she said softly.

“I don’t think it’s quite the same. He loves me like a friend, but he’s not…not like me.”

Gay. He wasn’t gay. Or even a little into men. Eddie was sure of that.

Fran pulled away and just smiled at him.

“Okay, then. Let’s get these bags inside.”

They managed to bring everything in in one trip, and by the time they made it back inside, Steve was done with his packet.

“Alright!” Fran clapped her hands together in excitement. “To your room!”

Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Room? Like, just one?”

“Yep! The other room we have for long-term residents is already taken for the next few weeks. Will that be okay?”

She was smiling innocently at Eddie, who knew she knew why he was suddenly panicking.

“That’s fine. We end up sharing a room all the time, right, Eds?” Steve asked as he grabbed his own bags from the floor.

“Uh. Yep. Totally fine.”

“Great!”

She led them out the back of the front office, down the sidewalk that led to a row of small buildings.

“This first building is storage. The next one is the short-term stays, usually people who donate frequently to keep us running, staying for a night or two to see where their money goes. This next building is for long-term stays. That’s you two. It’s split into a duplex, so you’ll have basically a studio apartment in there. Kitchen, bathroom, living area with a sectioned off area as the bedroom. You each will have a key, but keep in mind that the director also has a key for emergencies. The janitorial staff only goes if requested, so let me know if you feel it needs a sprucing up or you need new sheets or anything. Fridge is stocked and gets restocked every two weeks.” She paused as they made it to the steps to the building. “Oh! We don’t technically have a curfew for the guests. You’re adults and we trust you on your journey here. But we do ask that you try to be back no later than 11, as we often shut off many of the trail lights by midnight to ensure the animals have the closest replica of the wild as possible.”

Steve and Eddie nodded, eyes wide at all the information being thrown at them so quickly.

“Your room has a phone of course. You’re free to use as often as you’d like. Pressing 1 gets you in touch with the front office, 2 is for security, 3 is for the director’s office. I recommend calling the front office unless it’s an emergency so we can get in touch with the right people for you. After your tour, you’ll have free reign over the entire sanctuary except for anywhere marked employees and volunteers only. That’s for your safety, of course. We encourage you to be a part of some of the educational tours and seminars that we offer to the general public as well as enjoy time on your own with the wolves. Volunteers are here every day from 9 to 5, and the employees who help care for the wolves stay until 11. We have security here 24/7, but the director usually has a couple people on staff remain after regular hours in case of an animal emergency.”

This felt a little overwhelming, but he could already tell Steve was more relaxed here than he’d been anywhere else since he met him.

“I work when they need me, but my home number is by the phone in there for you just in case you need a chat. I retired a couple years ago so I spend a lot of my time at home with my dog. You’re never a bother, okay?”

They both nodded.

She hugged them both, handed them their keys, and started to walk away.

“Your tour will be in about an hour. James is running it today. You’ll love him!”

She was gone before they could even respond, so they looked back to each other and shrugged before heading inside.

The main door was unlocked, but the door inside marked with a “2” was locked. Steve unlocked it and pushed the door open.

The apartment was nice, but small, smaller than either of them had expected.

“Guess we’ll be getting pretty close for the next month, huh?” Steve joked.

Eddie’s heart was in his throat.

He could see the “bedroom” from where he stood. It was one queen sized bed. One.

“Um. Yep. Guess so. I can take the couch,” Eddie rushed out.

Steve clearly hadn’t seen the sleeping arrangement yet or he would have probably offered. He’s a self-sacrificing idiot, so Eddie had to rush to offer before he could.

“What? Why?”

Eddie gestured towards the bed.

“There’s plenty of room for both of us, dude. A month on the couch isn’t exactly gonna help with the nightmares.”

“It looks pretty cozy.”

Steve just stared at him, brows raised like Eddie was an idiot.

He was an idiot, but he didn’t need Steve thinking it.

“Eddie. Seriously. We can share a bed.”

Steve wouldn’t let him win, it’s just not who Steve was.

“Okay, okay! Let’s just unpack so we can go see some wolves or whatever.”

They unpacked in silence, Steve taking the spot closest to the door without Eddie having a choice.

Self-sacrificing idiot.

—--------------

James knocked on their door at exactly 4:00, like he’d been standing there waiting for the clock to change over from 3:59.

“Hello! I’m James. You’re Steve and Eddie?”

They all shook hands and James started explaining things quickly.

James was only a bit older than them, wearing a volunteer shirt that had seen better days, and had the energy of Dustin.

“So! I’m gonna show you the lay of the land, you can ask me questions, I can try to answer them, and then I can drop you off back here so you can eat. The first night can be a bit of an adjustment, so feel free to give me a call if you have trouble. My number is under Fran’s,” James spoke rapid-fire, but not so fast they couldn’t keep up. They were used to that, anyway.

“So to start, everything you guys really need is along this main trail.” He pointed the way they came earlier and then the other direction. “That way leads to our nutrition area for the wolves, which you are welcome to visit anytime during the day to help or feed some of the rehabilitated wolves in the building nextdoor which is the hospital. The hospital is only open to the guests staying here and employees from 12-5, just because much of the mornings are spent performing surgeries or checkups. You’re encouraged to spend time with any of the wolves there in recovery as it helps their spirits much like a person. But if you take the left at the fork in this trail, you’ll be led to other trails. The first one is the wolf enclosures, which I’m taking you to now.” He kept walking as he spoke, moving his hands constantly, big smile keeping Eddie and Steve enthralled.

“We have one specifically for the ones we’ve rescued who are still healing from injuries, and that one is off limits to everyone between dusk and dawn. Many of these wolves are relearning how to be wild and part of that is using the night to hunt. Being in their cage during those times could be dangerous. They wouldn’t necessarily eat you,” he paused to laugh. “But they may take a bite. Now! The second enclosure is where we keep Herald. You can laugh at his name.” Eddie let out a small laugh.

“Herald had a rough upbringing. He was rescued about six months ago from a traveling circus that had abused him for at least a few years. We think he’s about 5 years old, but can’t be 100% certain. He’s hesitant around all people, even the director. He can be very unpredictable, so only the director, vet, and head nutritionist are allowed in there. You’re welcome to visit from the outside anytime you’d like though! He’s shy, but it can’t hurt having people talk to him.”

James was walking pretty quickly, and if Steve wasn’t so in shape, he’d be struggling. He looked over at Eddie. Eddie was struggling a little, but didn’t want to stop or slow down.

“And the last enclosure is for the rest of the wolves. These are ones that may be reintroduced to the wild soon or who may have been rescued without injuries, but just aren’t ready to go yet. This enclosure has a few areas for public access. The first being the feeding area, the second being the petting area. The petting area is only able to be accessed when employees or volunteers are present. The third area is only for guests staying long term such as yourselves.”

James walked them through a gate off to the side of the enclosure.

“This area is my favorite in the whole sanctuary. It’s their den area. It’s not recommended to come alone, and you should always go to the petting area to meet them first, but this area is nice for anyone who wants to feel like a part of the pack.”

“We can go in there?”

“Again, it’s definitely recommended to meet the wolves in the petting area first, maybe feed them a few times to show them you’re a friend, but yes.”

“Huh.”

Eddie watched Steve’s reaction.

This was much more involved than they expected to be.

“So that’s the enclosures! The next part of this trail leads to a walking and biking trail that is a great way to see some nature without having to leave the area. It’s snake season, though, so make sure you know your snake safety beforehand and bring the provided whistle with you in case of an emergency. Volunteers and employees are always within hearing distance during normal hours and can usually respond within 3-4 minutes.”

“Could we go back to Herald?”

Eddie’s head snapped to Steve, who was looking at James with a kind smile.

“Oh. Well, sure. The only other thing I needed to show you was the trail leading to the lake, but we can go back after.”

So James backtracked, Steve and Eddie close on his heels.

They got to the enclosure with Herald, but didn’t see him.

“He likes to hide. Especially if it isn’t close to meal time, he doesn’t usually come close to the fence. His den is hidden away.”

Steve kept walking up to the fence as James spoke, Eddie watching and trying to figure out what was going on.

“Herald? You there?” Steve called gently into the fence. Wolves had excellent hearing, and he’d probably already heard them approach. “You can come say hi if you want to.”

Eddie stood next to Steve, looking out at the area in the enclosure. There was a good mix of forest and empty area, with plenty of things that were probably used as toys scattered around. He watched for any sign of movement, listened for any trotting over.

Nothing.

Steve looked incredibly disappointed, but James walked closer and gave them both a smile.

“Like I said, Herald isn’t very social and it’s nothing personal. He doesn’t even seem to like the director and all the wolves love her.”

But Eddie knew Steve. He knew that he wasn’t gonna let that shit go.

“Alright! Shall we head to the trail by the lake?”

Eddie watched as Steve sighed, but nodded.

—--------------

Steve cooked them dinner that evening, said it helped him relax and that he would feel more at home if he got into a routine.

Eddie wouldn’t complain; He loved Steve’s cooking.

He made a basic spaghetti dish, even toasted some bread and sprinkled some garlic powder on it to make garlic bread.

They sat at the small table by the front door and ate in silence.

“It’s really quiet here.”

Eddie looked up to see Steve staring down at his plate, biting his lip nervously.

“It’s kind of nice though. Peaceful.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie knew what he was worried about.

He was worried the silence would make him have more nightmares instead of less, that he’d be left with nothing to help him if this failed.

“Hey,” Eddie reached over and patted Steve’s hand that rested on the table. “I’m here, alright? You won’t be alone.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, only slightly relaxing back into his seat.

—--------------

The next day was relaxed.

They walked along the main trail after breakfast, happy to see Fran again and meet some new people.

They stopped at Herald’s enclosure, but still didn’t see or hear him.

Steve was disappointed, but it was hidden away when they were able to feed and pet some of the other wolves before lunch.

The wolves were all beautiful, clearly well taken care of, and even the ones still in recovery were cleaned, well-fed, and cared for by the team.

Eddie quickly had a favorite: Mabel. She was an “old woman” as the employee at the feeding area said. She was 12 years old, had been brought in from the side of the road after being hit. She had had a broken leg and many broken ribs, along with cuts that needed stitches. Not the worst they’d seen, but due to her being nearly 11 at the time, they didn’t expect her to pull through. She did though, and had quickly become known as the leader of the group. All the wolves respected her, it was clear even to Eddie and Steve. She was the first to the feeding area, the first to the petting area, and would often stand guard over the others as they went into the shared spaces.

She was light brown with gray speckled throughout, her scars visible, but mostly covered with hair.

Steve loved Mabel, too, but he still had his heart set on Herald.

Eddie wasn’t stupid. He knew why Steve was so fixated on him.

Someone who was abused and hidden away and expected to perform every day for crowds of people? Yeah, Steve and Herald had quite a bit in common.

He just didn’t want him to get his hopes up for nothing.

After lunch, they decided to walk over to the nutrition center, maybe learn something new.

It was educational, and fun, and Eddie said multiple times how much he wished actual school had been like this.

The nutritionists let them help set up all the wolves’ dinners, showing them portion sizes for each of the wolves, telling them what the wolves’ favorites were. How they celebrated birthdays for them.

It was fun. Steve even cracked some smiles throughout.

—--------------

That night was rough.

Steve had fallen asleep quickly, much to Eddie’s delight, but it didn’t last long.

Eddie was woken up not long after he fell asleep by whimpering. He glanced at the alarm clock by the bed. 10:38. Barely an hour.

He knew from experience that waking Steve up would just make things worse for him, so he gently set his hand on Steve’s side, the best support he could give right now.

It physically pained Eddie to watch Steve’s face tighten in fear and sadness, whatever his nightmare was this time painting a horrifying picture he couldn’t escape.

Steve had mentioned once that his worst nightmares weren’t even about reliving anything that happened. They weren’t anyone dying, though he had those too. They weren’t even him dying.

They were everyone turning on him, finally seeing he wasn’t worth their time or effort, leaving him alone in that big empty house just like his parents did. He said the worst part was when Robin and Eddie left in the nightmare. When they looked at him with disgust and said he wasn’t good enough for the kids, and he damn sure wasn’t good enough for them.

No matter how many times they told him that would never be true, he still had them.

Ten minutes went by, agonizingly slowly, tears falling down Steve’s face. Eddie was whispering words of comfort, hoping that somehow Steve could hear him, but knowing he probably couldn’t.

But finally, Steve’s eyes opened, the whimpering stopped, and he was no longer hearing and seeing what hurt him the most.

He sat up and wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming and his breathing was still labored.

Eddie sat up with him, hand on his arm, thumb rubbing back and forth to keep him present.

“I think I need to walk it off,” Steve said, voice wet with tears still to come.

“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”

Steve shook his head.

“No, go back to sleep. I’ll only be out for a few minutes.”

And as much as Eddie knew that was a lie, and knew he should probably go with Steve, he had to trust him.

He’d be safe. He had to be.

—--------------

Steve walked aimlessly up and down the main trail for 10 minutes, trying to breathe in the fresh air, focus on his surroundings.

It wasn’t working as well as he’d hoped, but it was better than staying in bed and letting Eddie see him like this.

Eddie was too kind, always. He was bright, like the sun and the stars and the moon on a clear night. He was everything. And if Steve let himself be too vulnerable, too much, Eddie would take that light.

He lost track of where he was going, his breaths coming in sharper pants now as he let more tears fall.

A noise made him freeze.

Leaves rustling.

He looked up to see Herald’s enclosure in front of him. And…

Herald.

Herald was huge, much bigger than any of the other wolves they’d seen so far. He was beautiful. Scars along his legs showing that he had been abused awfully before coming here, but the rest of him glowed with health. He was standing about eight feet from the fence, trying to hide some of his body still behind the bushes along the forest line.

Steve slowly made his way to the fence, his hands up to show he wasn’t going to cause any harm.

Herald didn’t come closer, but he didn’t back or run away either.

Steve counted that as a win.

He instantly slumped to the ground at the fence, his hands and head resting against the chain links like they were the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe they were.

Steve closed his eyes.

He was so focused on staying calm, he couldn’t hear Herald approach. But he suddenly felt a cold, wet nose against his head.

He didn’t panic, he didn’t want to scare Herald, but he realized suddenly that his fingers were very much easily accessed by sharp teeth.

He let Herald sniff him, then slowly looked up.

Herald was tilting his head at him, almost as if he was asking if he was okay.

That made Steve sob.

Herald jumped slightly, but then moved so he was completely against the fence, laying down so his warm body could be against Steve’s.

Steve slowly let his hands fall, reaching through the fence slowly to let them rest in Herald’s fur.

He felt the wolf sigh, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone care, huh? You’re so soft,” Steve whispered, knowing Herald was still not completely relaxed around him.

“You tired?”

Steve felt a little silly for asking a wolf a question, but he felt even sillier when he realized Herald had just moved his head up and down. It was probably a coincidence, but the timing was crazy.

“Me too. We should get some sleep.”

Herald huffed and rolled his head back against the fence.

“Want me to stay?”

Herald huffed again.

“Okay.”

So Steve stayed.

He sat down on the ground, back against the fence, and listened to the crickets and the steady breaths of Herald.

He was woken up by Eddie shaking him and a growl coming from behind him.

“Steve! Jesus, I thought you’d got lost or died or something.”

“How long have I been out here?”

“It’s nearly two in the morning!”

Herald was growling behind him, protectively pacing behind Steve like he would find a way to get through the fence if Eddie tried to hurt him.

“Hey, Herald, it’s okay. This is Eddie. He’s here with me. He’s my friend,” Steve said calmly, holding his hand through the fence so Herald could sniff him and see he was okay.

“Steve! Get your hand out of there. He isn’t friendly, remember?”

“Oh, please. He just slept by me for hours and let me hold his fur like he was a stuffed animal. He’s plenty friendly.”

Eddie just stared, jaw slack, as he realized Steve was right.

Herald was licking Steve’s hand, leaving his scent on him like he was trying to provide as much protection as possible.

“You made friends with the only wolf here who hates people. Unbelievable.”

“Hey, be nice. He just needs some love is all.”

Eddie nodded. Yeah, him and another person with a name that started with S and rhymed with sleeve.

Eddie’s heart had been racing for the last 15 minutes since he woke up and realized Steve wasn’t in bed next to him or anywhere in the apartment.

He finally took a deep breath, balling his shaking hands into fists and stuffing them into the pocket of his hoodie.

“We should head back inside, Stevie.”

Steve seemed to notice Eddie wasn’t doing so great.

“I’m alright, Eds. Hey, look at me.” Eddie looked at Steve’s face, the way he seemed more relaxed than when he first left after his nightmare. “I’m okay. I must have fallen asleep.”

Eddie took a deep breath, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder as he let it out.

“I thought you were gone.”

“Nah, you can’t get rid of me now.”

“No?”

“Nope. Herald and I are just good friends, but you’re still-” Steve cut himself off, but Eddie wasn’t going to let that pass.

“What?”

“Nothing. Not important.”

“Yeah it is. Tell me.”

Steve seemed nervous, and Herald must have sensed it because he let out a low growl.

“It’s just that you mean a lot to me. Kind of everything, actually.”

Eddie couldn’t breathe.

What did that even mean?

Steve’s hand was suddenly in his hair, playing with the ends the way Eddie did when he was nervous.

“You’re just. I mean, how could you not mean the world to me? You dropped everything to come here with me because you knew I wouldn’t do it alone, Eds. You bring me candy at work even though I literally have access to all the candy I want at the counter. You let me find reasons not to watch the scary movies on movie nights when Dustin picks because you know I can’t handle them. You swim in the pool with me alone so no one knows how much I still hate it. I…you’re just…”

Eddie didn’t let him stutter any more, knowing what he was saying without actually saying it.

He knew what Steve was afraid of, and he wasn’t going to let him be scared anymore.

“Steve. I love you. That’s why I do all that. I love you. I’m in love with you. You deserve more than what I can give, but I can keep giving you all of the love I have, and hopefully that will be enough.”

Steve’s lips were on his before he finished speaking, teeth clacking together at the force of it.

Herald huffed, but they didn’t stop. Eddie didn’t know how he was supposed to now that he had Steve’s lips on his.

He never wanted them gone.

His hands reached up to Steve’s neck, cradling his jaw between them as if he was holding something precious. He was.

“I love you so much,” Steve said against his lips, melting against Eddie.

“I love you, Stevie,” Eddie said back. He planted another soft kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We can come see Herald after breakfast.”

Steve nodded and turned to Herald.

“I’ll be back. Don’t hide from me, okay?”

He reached in to give Herald’s head a scratch, and Eddie shook his head in disbelief.

It took less than 48 hours for Steve to have the one wolf in this sanctuary who didn’t like people completely wrapped around his finger.

But Eddie could relate.

Steve’s charm was damn near impossible to resist and now he didn’t have to try.

[obsessedelusional]

Five Star Service

parings ✦ Eddie Munson x Reader

summary ✦ After a rough day of work you boyfriend Eddie offers you a full body massage. Contains Smut

authors note ✦ this was a request, thank you!! Hope you enjoy. Feedback and reblogs appreciated

I’ve been MIA for a week because I guess tumblr has a “glitch” that’s makes your posts not appear in tags and you can’t interact with other posts. They finally got back to me and said I should be back to normal. So hopefully y’all actually see this (:

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

Munson spent everyday unapologetically worshiping you and your beautiful body. Always wondering what he did to deserve you. So when you’d talked down on yourself he would take personal offense to it, reassuring you that you were perfect the way you were. That he would love you no matter what.

This day no different, you had come home from your work exhausted and upset. You two shared a small apartment, coming home from work to Eddie was your favorite. Before you can even walk through the door he is enveloping you in a hug.

"How was your day, beautiful?" He asks head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, tightening the grip on your waist.

"It was fine," You sigh giving into his embrace, allowing yourself to fully relax for the first time today.

"Just fine?" He asks pulling away so he can see your face.

"It's better now." You try to smile in a way that would convince him to stop worrying.

"What's the matter?" He asks, your smile must of not been convincing enough.

"Just tired. I was by myself today again for the third day in a row, meaning no breaks. Just eight hours of running around miserably. My back is killing me." You groan reliving the memories of the day.

"Can I make it better?"

"How?" You ask, having a feeling where this is headed. Eddie was a firm believer that any ailment you had could be cured by his dick. Migraine? Dick. Upset Stomach? Dick.

"Let me give you a massage."

"A massage?" You ask surprised by his offer.

"Yes. I want to make you feel better." He smiles leading you to the bathroom.

"Take a quick shower, wash the day away then meet me in the bedroom for your personal Munson Massage." You waste no time getting undressed and hop in the shower.

When you walk out into your room in nothing more than a towel your greeted by a dark room. The only light coming from the various candles lit around the room.

"Lay down." He motions you to the bed where he has laid a towel and pillow to rest your head.

"Wow Eddie you really went all out." His finger reaches your lip shushing you.

"Lay down."

"Damn okay." You laugh removing your towel. Without hesitation his hands gravitate to your body. From behind he cups your breasts kissing down your neck.

"You're body is perfect." Eddie whispers between kisses. You release yourself from his grip so you can do a he said, lay down causing Eddie to pout.

"You told me to lay down. Do you want me on my stomach or my back?"

"Your stomach." He instructs and you listen rolling over so your ass if facing Eddie.

"What a beautiful sight," A few moments pass before the feeling of a freezing cold liquid hits your back. Eddie's hands rub up and down your back, stopping at your shoulders giving them a rough squeeze. This causes you to let out a soft moan. Eddie's dick twitches at the sound you let out.

"Does that feel good princess?" Eddie asks voice low and husky.

"Mhmm." Is all you can manage to say as his hands knead down your back and land on you ass. He cups your cheeks giving them a squeeze. His fingers slipping between them and toying with your cunt.

"Do all your customers get this kind of treatment?" You laugh.

"Only my favorites." He laughs back before finding your clit and lazily drawing circles around it.

"More.. I need more.." You moan and his hand leaves your slit and flips you over. Jumping on the bed between your legs, resting so his face is close your pussy.

"Such a beautiful pussy so wet just for me." Eddie grunts, his hard on growing in his pants just at the sight.

"For you." You words turn to moans because Eddie's tongue licks up your juices before finding your clit, one finger enters your pussy pumping in and out. His tongue swirls around your clit. He adds one more finger, his large fingers stretching you out for the real thing.

“Eddie… I’m going to cum.” You pant the tightness in your stomach growing warning you it’s coming.

“Cum for me princess,” Eddie speaks. His words enough to send you over the edge.

“I love watching my perfect girl cum.” He groans removing his fingers from your cunt.

“Delicious.” Eddie says licking your juices off of his fingers.

“I need you to fuck me Eddie.” You purr getting straight to the point, not wanting to wait any longer.

“Can’t keep my most loyal customer waiting.” He smiles, removing his pants letting his cock finally breathe. You’d think after years of dating you’d get used to his size, but it never ceases to amaze you. The tip lines up with your hole, slowly stretching you out.

“My perfect girl taking my cock so beautifully.” He says as he bottoms out in your pussy. His rhythm starts out slow, leaning into you kissing you. Your moans muffled by his tongue finding it’s way into your mouth fighting for dominance.

As he pulls away his speed picks up. Your nails dig into his back as he goes even faster and harder, his hair dangling in your face. Eddie sits back and picks your legs up and continues his fast motion. Somehow filling you up even more than before, causing you to moan more than you once were.

“You like that?” Eddie growled. You nod, your eyes closed enjoying this moment too much.

“Look at me when I fuck you. I need to see those beautiful eyes princess.” You open you eyes to find Eddie starting down at you.

“So fucking beautiful.” Eddie grunts still pounding into your pussy. One of hands fall to your clit roughly circling it. You hold your own legs so Eddie can focus on your clit. It doesn’t take long before you feel that familiar feeling in your stomach.

“Fuck,” you whine as you cum for a second time. Only this time on his cock. The sensation of your pussy pulsating when you cum is enough to make Eddie need to cum. He pulls out, jacks himself off onto your stomach. His white sticky liquid shoots around your navel. Eddie reaches for a rag, cleaning you off before laying next to you.

“How would you rate your service?” Eddie pants trying to catch his breath still.

“Five star.” You giggle giving him a soft sweaty kiss.

[buckychristwrites]

Colors in the Dark | b.b. | Part Two

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: It’s been years since it was revealed that Bucky has a soulmate. And while he doesn’t remember anything about them, he hopes to see them again one day.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Surprisingly fluff

A/N: Just a quick tale of reunion, since a few people were wondering if Bucky would ever meet his soulmate again. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but i wrote it in less than a day and had fun, so i hope someone does. Enjoy :)

Part One | Masterlist

“I had a soulmate once.”

The scratching of the pen on paper came to a halt. 

“Everyone has a soulmate,” she explained as-a-matter-of-factually. Bucky huffed.

“I know that,” he said, annoyed. “I mean, I met mine once.” Dr. Raynor laid her pen down on the pad on her desk, her attention now fully on Bucky.

“Back before the war?” She asked. He let out a humorless laugh as he shook his head.

“You would think. No, it was actually the same day I ran into Steve. As the…” He waved his hand. “Soldier.” He didn’t like saying the name. The Winter Soldier. It made him feel some type of way. He tried to brush off that feeling as he looked back at his therapist. “I have vague memories of it sometimes. Seeing in color.” Dr. Raynor’s eyebrows furrowed together.

“But you don’t see color now?”

He shook his head once again. “They wiped my memories.” A hard lump formed in his throat, and he tried to swallow it down. Despite the fact that Bucky could remember most things about himself now, and from his time as the Winter Soldier, the memories of his soulmate were never able to be recovered. He sometimes found himself wondering if there was something in the universe stopping him from being able to remember. Would the memories give him back the ability to see color? Would he need to meet you again? 

“Why haven’t you brought this up until now?” Dr. Raynor asked, a hint of suspicion in her tone.

“Probably the same reason I don’t bring up a lot of things,” Bucky said in a joking tone, and he did not elaborate further. Raynor rolled her eyes. 

“How does the idea of meeting them again make you feel?” She asked him. That was one thing Bucky never tried to consider. Sure, he pictured what it would be like, and sometimes he found himself watching people in the street and wondering to himself if any of those people could be the one. But he never wanted to consider the feelings behind it all. In reality, it brought him a great deal of fear, the idea of confronting this part of his past. It wasn’t like you were just a bystander to the chaos that was his time in HYDRA. He had hunted you. Fought you. Even tried to kill you. IN what world would anyone, even his predetermined soulmate, forgive him for that? Though there was a chance Steve had attempted to clear his name, you were never brought up in any of the time Steve and he had spent together since Bucky’s treatment in Wakanda. And now with Steve gone, he had no way of finding out the answer. 

“The answer to that should be obvious,” was all he said, mostly because he did not want to answer. Taking the hint, Raynor backed off, instead looking down at her watch. 

“That’s time,” she said, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “But we will be picking this back up next week.” Bucky’s chair squealed against the hard floor as he pushed it backwards to stand up. 

“Don’t hold your breath.”

It was at this time that you were walking down the street, cradling your head with one hand while holding the strap of your bag with another. It was a migraine day for you, as most days were anymore, and while your body yearned for the dark bedroom back at your apartment, your morning agenda had other plans for you. Life had to go on, even if your new debilitation didn’t want it to. 

Your bag was heavy on your shoulders as you jogged across the street. Washington D.C. was as welcoming today as it always was, a chorus of horns greeting you as you made your way. It had become second nature to ignore them. 

The day was a mix of gray and blue, but every day was a mix of gray and something. The sidewalks were a parade of people making their way to a destination that was much more important than anyone else’s, except for the tourists who just couldn’t help but stop and get in the way.. As you made it to another crosswalk, you marked off another street closer to home. It was like you could taste the feeling of lying down after a long morning of engagements. Maybe a shower was in order, before ordering take out and settling in before the clock struck two. The idea of it sounded marvelous. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the Avenger’s mural that was painted just weeks after half the population reappeared after 5 years. You felt a pang in your chest, as you always did when you saw it. You opened your eyes one moment to find that five years had passed, and the two closest friends you had, Natasha and Steve, were both gone. Although it had almost been a year since then, sometimes your heart felt the loss the same way it did the first time. 

The sight on the mural that always made you stop, no matter how many times you saw it, was the man with the long hair and metal arm. Every single time you walked by this mural, it always stopped you in your tracks.

You still remembered the aftermath of the fight, when Steve explained who the man in the mask was. The way your heart grieved over the idea it had for who and what your soulmate would be. Never in a million years did you imagine that you’d be paired with a one hundred year old master assassin. Someone who now had tried to kill you. Someone you may never even see again. The devastation hit you like a train, but it also made your heart break for the man. Despite it all, he was just a man, who wasn’t in his right mind. He had lost something too. 

And then, in an instant, the world changed again.

It was that same night that the colors you had just gained were ripped from your sight, replaced with a static of a mix of gray and vibrancy that you couldn’t escape. The pain in your head was indescribable and, unbeknownst to you at the time, damn near inescapable. One would assume that with your abilities, you’d be able to make the pain disappear in an instant, but nothing you did helped with the pain. 

It was a rare day that your head was pain free, but this moment, with you looking at the mural on the building near your apartment, you felt the migraine dissolve. It made you want to stand there all day. Just you and the idea of your soulmate. Was it funny? Or did you want to cry? It was hard to tell sometimes. 

Bucky’s boots clambered down the concrete steps as he left his therapist’s D.C. office. In town for the week on work, Bucky felt it necessary to make sure he saw her. The streets of the Capital made him uneasy anymore, considering how things went the last time he was in town.

Something about the conversation with Dr. Raynor made him feel more tense than usual. As he walked down the sidewalk, he had to keep reminding himself to un-clench his jaw, and even then, a moment later, his teeth would be pressed together once more. He attempted to distract himself by listing off the things he had to do that day. Grocery shop. Text Sam’s nephews to figure out how to Facetime. Facetime Sam’s nephews. Cook dinner. Clean out the catbox. 

A shoulder ramming into his own brought his stress right back, causing him to turn around. He did not come face to face with the culprit, but what he did find was much worse. 

He found himself just across the street from the Avengers mural. It was like he could feel the tension creeping up his body as he swallowed hard. He always made an effort to avoid the mural as much as possible. Despite how grateful he was to be included, all it did was remind him of what he had lost. Seeing his old friend in the painting made him choke up a little, and before he knew it, he found himself crossing the street to get a closer look. 

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, but you ignored it as you enjoyed the bliss. Nothing but a few words and a lot of punches were exchanged between you and him. Soulmates were destined, and everyone only had one. Sometimes it felt like a huge joke, to be paired with someone who was programmed to kill you upon your first meeting. And yet, you found yourself wondering often where he ended up after Wakanda. You never had a chance to find out. The time to reintroduce yourself just never seemed to come. And then Steve, the only connection you had to him, was gone. The easiest thing you could do was to move on. But some days, you still wondered. 

A cool breeze hit you, and you looked up just in time as a raindrop hit your cheek. 

“Fuck,” you grumbled as the single drop turned quickly into a down poor. If you hadn’t gotten distracted, you would’ve made it home before the rain. Annoyed, you immediately spun around and ran for the crosswalk. You noticed a moment too late that you didn’t bother looking before stepping into the street.

Before you knew it, a pair of arms wrapped around you and yanked you backwards, sending your head flying downward into your chest. It took a second for you to realize that you were being dragged away from the road, your feet forgetting how to do their only job. In a moment of haste, you shoved yourself out of the strangers firm grasp.

“I’m safe now, thanks!” You huffed, pretending you weren’t completely embarrassed by what just occurred. The bus that almost hit you was still blaring its horn, the driver flicking you off in the most unprofessional of ways. Raising a sheepish hand, you averted eye contact with your savior as you grabbed your bag, which had, at some point in the encounter, been thrown to the ground.

“You’re fucking welcome, I guess.”

Your eyes snapped up at the sound of the voice, your cheeks getting hot. When your eyes found the stranger, you only caught his profile as he turned to walk away. His hair was much shorter, and he was dressed differently this time, but it was him. You’d know him anywhere.

“Bucky?” 

The deja vu was enough in itself, but the way he reacted to the sound of his name made your heart pound in your throat. He froze as if someone hit the pause button on a remote control, and too many seconds passed by before he finally turned around, his eyes falling on yours.

When the world lit up around you, your lungs forgot how to breathe.

The TV static that had filled your vision for years was replaced with the vivid colors that you had experienced only once so long ago. Subconsciously, your hands covered your mouth as you looked around.

Bucky, on the other hand, couldn’t take his eyes off you. It was like the memory of you was on the tip of his tongue for years. Now that he was looking at you, he felt crazy for ever forgetting. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Finally, you looked back at him, seeming to remember that it wasn’t just the colors of the world that had returned to you. 

“I- I never got your name,” were the first words to tumble out of his mouth. You broke out in a smile before telling him. He couldn’t tell which made him happier, the smile on your face, or the sound of your voice. So happy, in fact, that he could feel his chest get heavy, and his eyes tear up, though he quickly blinked those away. He didn’t need to cause another awkward meeting with you. 

Little did Bucky know that you felt the same. Seeing him now, after all these years, knowing that he was not only alive but also healing, brought you so much joy that you couldn’t tell if you wanted to sob or yell out. And maybe kiss him, despite yourself. He was, after all, your soulmate.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you,” he said sheepishly, his arm reaching behind his head to scratch his neck. There was something about his embarrassment that was so endearing to you.

“Well, you just saved my life,” you reminded him. “So I think we’re even now.” He smiled at the ground, a slight pink in his cheeks.

“Maybe I could buy you a coffee?” You offered. He looked back up, as if relieved by the invitation. 

“I’ll buy,” He countered. “I think you’ve done enough today.”

But for the both of you, the day, and your lives, had only just begun.

[ohtobeleah]

Hey there lovely people. I hope this Easter break has brought you nothing but rejuvenation. I hope all your family members are doing well too!

I thought I'd just stop by and give a quick update on what's been going on. I haven't been very active on here as of late and a few weeks ago, decided I needed a break.

My mental health hasn't been the greatest recently. I decided to take some time away from Tumblr as the anons I was receiving were too nasty, too cruel and overall too much for me to handle on a daily basis.

I'd recently had to make some really difficult choices to step away from friendships that were no longer viable, despite best efforts being made to salvage what remained.

While grieving the loss of one friendship, I was informed that an ex-client and dear friend of mine, took her own life. This really set me back and I have very much struggled to come to terms with her death. In our sessions she would often vocalise how beneficial and imperative our sessions were to her mental health plan. When I quit and moved to another facility, I wasn’t sure if she would find another trainer that could help her the same way.

She never did: her mother reached out to me to express that there was nothing more I could have done for her daughter, but she wanted me to know.

Not only has my mental health been very unstable, so has my physical health. Last Monday I had yet another ovarian cyst rupture. I am right back where I started in looking for treatment, management and more information about what is going on. The public holidays have set my test/scan results back a few days but I am on the waiting list to see a specialist about the possibility of having my ovaries removed if this will be something I have to endure each month.

My body feels weak, I’m constantly fatigued, my appetite is barely there. With migraines, nausea and constant pelvic pain, it's hard to brave work right now with a smile and a positive attitude.

Bailey has also been dealing with some back pain/inflammation around his L5 and S1 vertebrae. So between the two of us, we are probably two halves of one whole healthy human.

I’m hoping to start using this hellscape some more, although I'm still a little apprehensive. But I thought before I do, those who support me and those who have reached out to check in would appreciate a little update. I hope it brings some understanding as to where I’m sitting right now.

I miss you all, please take care of yourselves. 💕

[hell-drabbles]

can u expand on companions relationship with the healer devils? would they be friends with any other devil?

There's not much I know about the other healer devils, since I don't think we've met them in the main story, but here is my vague thoughts that are pretty much subject to change.

I uh, I do go on a tangent. There be a loooot of words. If anyone has little headcanons about the healer devils and the companion interacting, by all means, tell me. I love hearing it.

So, the companion, stiff and semi-reckless as they are, they pretty much have those older sibling vibes going on. Can and will get fiercely protective of the people they care about, as I've written before with their weird, weeeeird relationship with Ra-on. That being said, I would imagine that the healer devils have a certain set of priorities that would keep them from distracted by their own desires, or at least have them restrict themselves in such a way that they don't act first on what they want but what others need. By this point in time, I would imagine that the Companion is ready for every type of demon weirdness, so they were ready for something that will grate on their nerves.

Yes yes, they're real weird, as is every other devil in Hell, but these healer devils don't treat the Companion like an after-thought just because Ra-on is there. I would imagine that the Companion had a minor injury on them because of Ra-on obliviousness, and the healers immediately focused on their injury and passed by Ra-on to heal them, or at least make sure it isn't worse. Don't know which healer it'll be, but it'll be someone.

I'm pretty sure that the devils under Lucifer initially were infatuated by Ra-on, but they don't really let this infatuation get in the way of their purpose in life. Ra-on doesn't get special treatment if they're not heavily injured. I would imagine this infatuation would be quick to fade though, because their priorities allow them to see Ra-on from a distance in a way that every other devil doesn't. They're able to see the bigger picture in that way, and they end up seeing the patterns. The subtle ways Ra-on subconsciously manipulates people to grab more attention. And the jealousy. Oh the jealousy. They see that too.

So, in a weird way, they're kind of glad that Lucifer doesn't react all that well to Ra-on, so their distance to him can be excused as just them following the will of their king. And this awareness of Ra-on is something that they can talk about with the Companion. Mind you, they don't rant and trash-talk Ra-on, they talk about him to the Companion from a place of concern, which is something the Companion deeply appreciates.

Out of all the devils, I would imagine the healers are most aware that Ra-on and the Companion have a home in the human world. As such, they're not going to force them to stay here.

But yeah, sorry about that Ra-on tangent, but it is important to the Companion that the healers have a distance but don't put on rose-tinted glasses around him. That they keep to their boundaries and Ra-on's. Because man, the other devils just keep wearing him down under the excuse that "it's what you truly want, right? I can feel it," further feeding into his learned helplessness.

Anyways, Gamigin is that certain kind of optimistic air-headed-ness about him that makes the Companion ruffle his hair. Never change, you funky little dragon. Can and will give him head noogies if he's being a cheeky thing, all the while smiling. At first, was certainly off-put by just how loud his is, but eventually they come to understand his loudness comes from the sheer amount of love and hope he has for the people around him. He's loud because his emotions are just that strong and it becomes endearing to the Companion. Will only tell him to pipe down if they're suffering from a headache or migraine.

Gamigin, in turn, I feel would be the kind of just, always want to be touching the Companion? Not in a sexual way, but in that cat/dog kind of way? You get what I mean? Pet behavior. He has pet behavior written all over him. Wants to be pressing shoulders, or brushing past them when he can, like tapping on their back or shoulder to get their attention, or even just calling their name just because he likes it.

Though, the first time Gamigin tried to lick up the Companion's tears(probably of pain, they're not much of a crier and if they do cry, they tend to hide away), they kicked him instinctively, because they do not like anyone or anything suddenly approaching their face. They've been in a number of fights here and back in the human world, so they're kinda primed to protect their face first, ask questions later.

"Are you 75% bladder?" Was pretty much the first they said to Jjok, because I'm very sure they scared him because Jjok said something that offended them that caused him to pee. And afterwards, once the annoyance dies down, it becomes a "Alright, let's get you to bed, little old man," just to annoy him. And even grabs him by the scruff like a cat when he's being extra cranky. But that's about the extent of how they annoy him. The Companion is pretty well aware of how the stress basically permanently cut down his stamina, so they don't really think he's an old man. Jjok is pretty well tuned to the Companion's crankiness, especially when the bad mood stems from just being mentally and physically exhausted. So, he'll usually attempt to try and open an opportunity for the Companion to just relax somewhere, even if all the attention ends up scaring the piss out of him.

Now, Lucifer, well, you already seen the way they interact with one another. It's the equivalent of watching two cats from different colonies relax in the same spot until they just, become friends. They're both enjoy peace and quiet, and if they want to be truly alone just for a bit, all they have to do is ask and they'll both respect the other. Of course, considering how Lucifer was when he first treated Ra-on, the very obvious distaste upon the first meeting put a real sour taste in the Companion's mouth. But, given Lucifer's attempts to get to know Ra-on better so as to get rid of this bias, the Companion was willing to let it slide with a sigh. If he's dealing with it, then the Companion won't rip him a new one verbally. At least he's trying, unlike the other devils who are more than willing to give Ra-on their affection based on that connection to Solomon, all the while claiming they're just seeing Ra-on for who he truly is.

Certainly, it's a different kind of bias, but still, it's a bias and it's annoying to the Companion all the same. Judging Ra-on because of his connection to Solomon and not because of his own person, that gets to the Companion.

And Lucifer being Lucifer, finds it endearing, watching a friend defend another friend he doesn't particularly like. So, because of the way the Companion acts around Ra-on, Lucifer would start inviting the both of them together, if only so they're both comfortable when in his presence. And it was a good thing too that he did that, because then he could compare Ra-on with the Companion vs Ra-on without. Without the Companion around, Ra-on becomes a little more reckless, and so things just, slip. He's a little more clumsy, a little more easily hurt and more easily brought to tears.

The Companion isn't an awkward person to talk to and isn't the type to fill the silence up with words just to distract themselves. In fact, they're not a nervous individual at all, and their self-confidence is certainly a thing to be admired. Makes them feel not at all fragile, and that makes Lucifer inclined to be around them more. Sure, sure, he likes the general noise his people in Paradise Lost make, but even he gets tired of it, especially when they're clamoring for praise from him.

Once the Companion's initially distaste goes away and they get a general grasp on how Lucifer is as a person, it becomes easy for the both of them to just enjoy the little things while being in the same place. Out of all the devils, Lucifer would probably be the one to understand that most of their anger and frustration comes out of a place of love and not loathing. Will not treat them like a child that's interesting to watch.

I know that Ra-on will eventually do something that'll temporarily drive the Companion away for a bit so they don't break his nose. Perhaps brought up an old argument, imply that the Companion has always looked down on him, or just berate himself during an argument because it's better to make yourself small and harmless. Either way, Paradise Lost is a land that Ra-on feels like doesn't welcome him, and yet the Companion doesn't look out of place at all in here. It's going to get to him and it's real fun to think about.

I don't know much about the other healers honestly. Companion is likely very grateful for the rules and head-up coming from Marbas about what sorts of things they can and can't do. Sure, they raise an eyebrow at how easily horny he gets, but at least he's not outright jacking it in front of them, so he can be as horny as he wants. Morax, the Companion gets real concerned for sometimes, but eventually comes to accept that this is just his regular state of being, as unhealthy as it was. They get a sense of "regular injured" Morax and "overdoing it injured" Morax. That's not normal, what happened? Type of thing. And Buer... I think it's a rather professional type of relationship, where when chaos happens, you can see Buer and the Companion just, sitting it out, eating their snacks and perhaps playing a board game when it looks like the chaos will be lasting longer than usual.

[imtrashraccoon]

Edit: I wrote this on January 8, but kept it my drafts to avoid spoilers for Have Some Empathy, Dear.

Got my first migraine of the year recently and it gave me the idea to write some headcanons down for the boys that I have written for and plan on posting/have posted for. Some of these are more specific than others and generally take place in their respective stories if that makes sense.

The Ones You've Met

My UF!Papyrus aka Edge:

He got home to find you sitting at the kitchen table with your head in your hands. He realizes there's something wrong immediately and when you tell him you're suffering from a migraine, he wants to help.

Only problem is he isn't sure what to do exactly. He knows how bad migraines can be as he's both experienced them and helped his brother deal with them firsthand. He just doesn't know where to start to help you, especially if you're a human as your anatomy is far different from his own.

Fortunately for you, he knows healing magic and is quite talented. You're in good hands with him, literally. (He might even be mildly amused if you point that out.) Depending on the severity of your migraine, his magic may not be able to fully make the pain go away, but it's enough of a relief to make a difference.

He'll offer whatever else he can afterwards like pain meds, tea, a hot bean bag or an ice pack if you prefer, but most importantly, he'll offer cuddles. He doesn't get a ton of down time in general but he's quite happy to just lay on the couch or in bed and hold you close until you do feel better.

My Horror Sans aka Baston:

Your seasonal allergies were acting up and in combination with probably smacking your head recently, you ended up with a migraine. Baston only needed to take a look at you to determine that you were in pain and he was by your side instantly.

He knows loads of homemade pain relief treatments from personal experience and what his brother, Hemlock, has studied. He'll get you situated with a mug of some strong but surprisingly not awful tasting herbal tea in no time. He'll probably even let you lay down in his own bed for a while if you're over at his place.

If you fall asleep, you'll probably wake up to him sitting next to you, gently playing with your hair. If you're still not feeling 100%, he'll try something else but if he isn't needed elsewhere, he'll be staying nearby for a while, just in case.

My Post-Echotale G!Sans aka G:

He travels a lot so it was likely sheer coincidence that he found you while you were suffering from a migraine. Maybe he had to actually go to your house as you weren't at any of your other meeting spots. He's quick to grow serious when he sees how bad you feel too.

While he's often a bit standoffish or casually flirty, G is also surprisingly tender when he wants to be. He'll check if you've already taken pain meds yet and help with that if you want to. Beyond that, he isn't sure what else he can do for you.

Unless you give him ideas, he'll probably just resort to trying to make you comfortable and relaxed. You are getting wrapped up in a blanket burrito and he will hold you as close as you want for however long it takes for your migraine to go away. He'll even lightly massage your head and gently play with your hair until you fall asleep.

He'll likely still be there when you eventually wake up too. You might even catch him in a contemplative mood before he realizes you woke up. He spends a good deal of time thinking about the past and the future which can put him in slightly negative moods, but he's quick to hide this around others. He's willing to talk if you're feeling up to it at least, although you'll have to convince him that you're feeling fine again first.

Lord Nightmare:

He knew something was bothering you from across the castle as he could feel your negative emotions brought on by the intense pain. He found you tossing and turning in your bed as you couldn't find a comfortable position with how bad your migraine was.

He doesn't have a lot of experience actually caring for people but he cares a lot for you and hates seeing you in pain like this. He always spares no expense when you're sick or injured and now is no different. He'll personally go get medication to relieve your pain and tell the boys to leave you alone for the rest of the day.

He'll stay by your side while you take your medication and if you don't mind, he'll gladly siphon off the negative emotions you're experiencing and calm you down with his magic. He'll cuddle you even if you aren't really in the mood as he just wants you to feel better and can't do much more in the moment. The plus side is that his tentacles are soft and cool to the touch which is rather soothing for your poor head.

You aren't leaving your room until he's positive (heh) you're feeling better. Even if you insist otherwise, he'll keep snuggling you just to make sure you'll be okay. He means well of course, but he's also rather possessive of you and since the boys can't bother you right now, he might as well give you as much affection as he can. (The boys will likely be desperate to find out if you're alright once you are released so you're going to be doted on for a while afterwards.)

Note from Trash: I see Lord Nightmare as very similar to the Nightmare I wrote for "Have Some Empathy, Dear" so they'd likely act the same or similarly.

Horror Sans aka Axe:

You'd gotten home from work late as you'd had to stay until you'd finished up one final report that couldn't possibly wait until Monday. Axe had been incredibly worried something happened to you and was just about to go look for you himself when you returned. He knows you're not doing well before you even tell him and practically goes into mother hen mode.

If you can stomach food, he's making you something easy to consume that's so packed with healing magic, you'll almost be swimming in it. He'll also make you a tea and all but insist you go relax while waiting. He can't use much magic anymore but he can make great food at least so that's what he'll do.

He's had quite a bit of experience dealing with pain as he deals with it on a near daily basis. It especially hurts to see someone he counts as a friend, let alone you, in pain. He keeps a level head though and will do anything to help ease your pain.

He'll stay with you as long as physically possible just so that he can reassure you, and himself, that you'll be okay. He likes touching your hair and skin, although he is a bit worried he'll hurt you worse so he won't be giving you a massage. He will play with your hair though and stroke your scalp if you're okay with that.

Murder Sans aka Dust:

He was probably already dealing with a headache today (literal or metaphorical in the form of Killer lol) before he teleported to your place for a break. He can sympathize with your pain but he's not great at the whole caring thing.

You'll probably have to be Pain Pals together for a while, which isn't so bad actually once you get some medication or get comfy. Dust is a great cuddler although he isn't always in the mood. Lucky for you, he happens to like it when you touch him on his bad days.

He'll stay overnight if you let him and may even be there the next morning when you have to leave for work. You'll probably have to untangle yourself from his koala hug though, which could take awhile. Interestingly, he's even more mellow than usual in times like these, although he won't admit that your gentleness and affection are almost like drugs to him.

Killer Sans aka Killer:

He's also very bad at the whole empathy thing. He showed up and made loud noises while doing so until you angrily told him to shut up. He doesn't take your pain seriously at first and very likely finds it hilarious, as pain often is for him (usually other's pain though).

Once he realizes you aren't any fun in this state, he grows deathly serious though. He'll bring the entire contents of your medicine cabinet to you and steal all the blankets in your home just so he can build a blanket fort around your couch. He says little while setting everything up which is a little scary until he flashes you his trademark smile and forces you onto the couch if you aren't there already.

Unfortunately, he isn't going to leave you alone. Expect to be spooned and whispered to incessantly until you tell him to shut up again. He will, for a solid thirty seconds, when he can't handle not saying something stupid anymore. You either have two migraines to deal with now or a buddy who's doing his best to help distract you from it.

The Ones You Haven't Met, Yet...

Fractured Souls - My other Underfell AU:

My Other UF!Sans aka Crimson:

He hates ever seeing you in pain, whether it be emotionally or, as is the case this time, physically. He's a tough guy that had to grow up quickly in a rough world so he isn't the greatest at helping at first. He has the head knowledge on what to do but struggles with figuring out what order to do it in.

If you can stomach food, you are either getting some awesome leftovers of whatever Scar made recently or Crimson will make you something simple himself. If you're okay with taking pain meds, he'll make sure you take the correct amount and make you a golden flower tea as well.

He doesn't know what else he can do for you but will sit and give you all the cuddles you could ask for, if you're comfortable with that anyways. He's a big guy, so he gives great cuddles. You won't want for anything and all you have to do is ask if you do.

If your migraine goes away soon, he'll probably continue to dote on you for the rest of the day. You aren't doing any chores or even lifting a finger on his watch. He will call you out if you force yourself to do anything strenuous too.

My Other UF!Papyrus aka Scar:

Unfortunately for you, he doesn't notice you're in serious pain until he actually stops whatever he was doing and takes a good look at you. When he realizes how awful you're doing though, he's dropping everything to take care of you and if you feel guilty for bothering him, he'll insist your health is more important. You're weaker and more prone to sicknesses than he is afterall. He doesn't mean to be harsh or anything, that's just how he is.

He will make you some soup or a golden flower tea if you'd rather that. Otherwise, you are getting sent to your room and under strict bed rest for the rest of the day. None of his other brothers are permitted to disturb you either. Scar will make sure you have anything you need throughout the day like medications or a hot or cold pack for your head.

He checks in on you every few hours but carries on with his responsibilities otherwise. If you're doing especially bad or if you ask him to, he will concede and stay with you for a while. He has a real soft spot for you afterall and he hates seeing you sad.

It'll be back to business as usual the next day though. So good luck getting out of any chores because he'll send you right back to bed if he thinks you still have a migraine. He's a bit cold that way but he means well.

My Other UF!Gaster aka Vermillion:

He takes an even more clinical approach than Scar would and let's be honest, you only came to him for help because his younger brothers were too busy. He cares a lot about you, maybe not as much as Crimson does, but he does in his own way.

Vermilion knows many ways to make you feel better and will suggest multiple options for you to choose from. He'll make sure you get the exact dosage of medication and give it to you at the correct times if you need more. He'll make sure his brothers are quiet when they do find out about your migraine, but won't interfere if they also want to help.

You'll probably wake up to find him sitting next to your bed watching you fondly or holding your hand in his much larger one. You're such a small human compared to him and his brothers and he finds you absolutely fascinating. Fine, he was also watching you to make sure you would be okay while you slept. No, it's not strange, it's called putting you on Observation... Yes, he is aware that you know that's not what that means.

The Caged Canary - My attempt to rewrite my first Classic fic ever:

My UT!Sans aka Classic:

He could tell something was wrong the moment you didn't at least give him a pity laugh at any of his awful jokes. He's quick to grow serious and he'll try to get you to tell him what's wrong. To his relief, you've only got a migraine and aren't being harassed by your awful family or something.

Classic is great at taking care of you as he took care of Vanilla for many years when they were younger. He'll make sure you drink plenty of water or tea, get pain killers for you if you can take them, and even taking you home if you're out somewhere together.

You're in great hands with him (quite literally he'll be quick to point out). If you have energy, he'll attempt to cheer you up with humour or just pleasant conversation as charisma is one of his strong suits. You'll probably learn something new about him for once and maybe end up revealing some of your own secrets in the process.

He may or not be there in the morning if you fell asleep, depends how comfortable you are around him. He'll check in on you later though and try some more jokes just to make sure you're back to normal.

My UT!Papyrus aka Vanilla:

He's much more observant than you thought and he surprised you by asking if you're doing okay. You tried to play it off and claimed your head just hurt a little, but he easily saw through your lie. For crying out loud, he lives with his brother, the master of deflection and distraction, you are an amateur in comparison.

He's very kind and tries to gently get you to let him help. He'll take you somewhere quieter and make sure you aren't dehydrated or hungry before anything. If you'll let him, he'll also offer to use healing magic to cure your migraine. Otherwise, he'll offer to make you some food with healing magic. (He's gotten really good at cooking now!)

Vanilla won't leave you alone until he knows you'll be okay and he'll go out of his way to make sure you're okay before even dreaming of leaving you. Would a hug from the Great Papyrus help? Of course it would! He is the best at giving hugs! That's what friends are for afterall - making sure you're okay.

He's one step away from acting like a mother hen and will check in for a little while afterwards just to make sure your migraine is completely gone. Maybe he'll ask to come over to hang out just to make sure, but he also wants to spend quality time together don't get him wrong!

[fox-bright]

apologies if you get asked about advice often. what advice would you have for a 19yo moving half across the country (with partner) and starting adult life?

Bearing in mind that I'm on day eight...nine? of a migraine? And so might be less coherent than is usual for me?

When I was nineteen I left the country for a summer, and then as soon as I could--which was the following year--I went back to stay as long as I could, with a guy who wasn't very good for me, but who provided an escape route from a desperately sad and abusive situation. While I returned to the US, I have not been back to my home state to stay again, and that was more than twenty years ago now. I don't recommend that way out, but it was a way out. I hope very much that you are making the decision under no duress, and not as an act of flight. I hope it is joyful and strengthening, and exciting and good.

At nineteen you are just barely on the cusp of adult life. It's such a strange time! You haven't yet been equipped with a lot of the knowledge that you'll need to navigate your solid future, but you've got all these expectations laid on your shoulders to suddenly be Grown Up. You can die for your country, but you can't rent a car. You can get a 200k university loan, but in the US you can't have a legal drink.

So a lot of what I would recommend is--don't rush. Be as sure of your footing as you can before you make decisions that you know in advance will be life-altering. You'll be making enough decisions that you don't know are going to change you forever, you want to be steady with the ones that you're pretty sure will cause big shifts.

(But when you see something that fills you with certainty, go for it.)

Power imbalances are frequent and natural when you're in a relationship at that age, because mental and emotional growth spurts can be very quick. This can leave you out of balance with a partner. Sometimes it's recoverable, and the one that is lagging a little bit will catch up! Sometimes the distance grows too great. Let what happens, happen, in that respect. Don't hold yourself back for your partner. Grow at your own rate. If your partner outstrips you, it's good to stretch for growth, but it's self-destructive to overreach. Not to be doom-and-gloom about it, but it's very rare that the person you're with at nineteen will be the person you're with at ninety; gratitude for the time you have and open hands that do not clutch are important in any relationship, but *very* important when you're young.

And then sometimes, you are still with that person decades later, so--treating them with respect, and only accepting respectful treatment from a partner, is very, very important. Love is huge! Love is incredible! But a good relationship is like a three-legged stool, and love is only one leg of it. Respect is another, and effort is the third. If you don't love someone, but you respect the hell out of them and put in a lot of effort to make life with them good, that's a working relationship, and what one should strive for as a divorced parent; if you love someone and work hard but don't respect them, that's patronizing and destructive to them and to the self, and no relationship like that can weather real storms. If you respect them and love them but don't work hard (very, very common), then you become a millstone around their neck, leaving all the effort for them to make. You need to give all three, and you should only accept a relationship where you get all three. There will be lulls, times when one person must work harder than the other, or when one person is so stressed that they get a bit distracted. Nothing is on an even keel without trials forever. But in general, there needs to be a balance.

When you get to where you're going, naturally you will be spending a lot of time together. Whether your partner is from that place and you're joining them, or it's new for both of you, its newness to you will mean that you don't have the social safety net that you might have in the place you're moving from. So you have to work to build it! Some of that will involve meeting their friends and integrating into that group, but it is very important to make connections that don't have anything to do with them. Don't stop partaking of hobbies that are Just Yours, don't give up the things you do alone. Even if you're the kind of people who can healthily live in each other's pockets 99% of the time (and most people aren't!), it's beneficial for you to have people to talk to that aren't your partner. Not for secret-keeping, not so that you can vent about them (though sometimes that might be necessary) but simply because you have social and conversational needs that they wouldn't fill, and so do they to you. Sometimes you need to take a few hours apart so that whatever minor irritations are sensitizing you today can shrink back to their usual unimpressive size, too. You're not abandoning them, and they're not abandoning you, if there needs to be a personal day. (I adore my partner. He's absolutely steady, and we share nearly all of our interests. But not all of them. He does one martial art, I do another, and so we find commonality between them--but I don't do archery, and he isn't a baker, and so on. It's exciting to get to introduce him to something new, and it's necessary for me to have something I don't have to share. If he started being out of the house late all the time, generally ignoring me, putting the lion's share of his energy elsewhere, or if I started feeling like I wanted to be apart from him more than I want to be with him, we'd have to have a talk. But it's important to remain two people, complete unto themselves.)

A lot of the other general advice you might get, you for certain know already. If you will choose to have children, don't start reproducing yet if you can hold off for another five years or so, so that they are born into a situation of strength and protection. Don't get a big car loan or get locked into payments for physical objects that are going to devalue really quickly; don't move to the trendiest neighborhood if you can't easily and comfortably afford it, it's better to live somewhere a bit cheaper but still safe, and save what money you can; don't take up a drug habit with anything addictive, some of the brightest lights I've ever known died before they hit 30 because they got into meth or cocaine or some weird shit whose designation is a handful of mixed numbers and letters.

Try as much as you can. Weird food, musical instruments, dance class at the odd corner gym, craft you've never considered before, pickup game of volleyball, if you see the opportunity to do something you haven't before, TAKE it. Say "yes" frequently even if you're unsure if you'd enjoy whatever experience it is--trust your gut, but if it's just social uncertainty or wariness because it's new, try it! You're in the most flexible time of your life right now, your rubber-band self is at its stretchiest not just physically but mentally and emotionally, and the more stretching you do now, the less vulnerable and brittle you'll be later.

[elifinchsart]

Wanted to give a bit more coherent life update. For the last three and a half weeks (and possibly longer) I have been dealing with excess fluid in my cranium, causing extremely frequent migraines, nausea, occasional loss of sensation in limbs (thankfully my non dominant arm LOL) and my eyeballs are swollen in a weird shape that hurts + gives me temporary vision loss. The neurologist I've been seeing has decided to hold off on treatment until we have a cause for it (or rule out causes for it). I have an upcoming lumbar puncture this week as well as further MRIs so I'm hoping we have answers soon. This is they best option to figure out what's wrong with me medically but unfortunately means in the meantime I have to deal with the above symptoms (+ my previous disabilities) with very little relief besides OTC meds and self medicating with weed. With my symptoms I was no longer able to work my part time job and had to quit early before the season ended which was devastating as I really, really liked the job I had. Luckily, my parents are supporting me financially right now in addition to the government assistance programs I am on (again, already had health issues that only allowed me to work part time and have been having a rough summer). I do not need any donations or financial assistance at this time (though any nice words you have are appreciated!) I hope to open commissions back up some day so I can contribute to my own finances again (+ they're fun!) but for now they will have to remain indefinitely closed until I receive treatment and recover. If you have an outstanding commission I will be completing that for you! Thank you so much for your patience, it is very appreciated. I pride myself on quick turnaround time for my comms so it's been very frustrating to not be able to keep that up. I'm extremely thrilled the Blaseball Fatshion Zine was completed and so proud of and grateful to everyone who submitted work. Next up on my list is completing outstanding commissions and art trades. I have some personal projects I want to complete as well as some other plans with friends in the future but for now expect my art output to be a little slower than normal. That said no force in the world can stop me from drawing Tillman o7

[phopollo]

Oh yeah, hey, so

Quick update;

Negative stuff first because I'm a complainer;

-I'm still being crushed by my workload for my art classes (between two of them I need to complete 3 full pieces for my Monday class, and 1 & a half for the Tuesday class at the time of posting) ((it should absolutely not be this much work, I am in beginning art classes))

-computer is still broken, and now the consequences of only drawing on my phone for years straight is catching up and my hand hurts too (I am currently trying to teach myself to become ambidextrous to combat this at least a little)

-Im also in that place where I just don't like how anything is coming out

And

-being diseased is still kicking my butt, I am coming out of the depths of a roughly a week long lasting migraine that I did not recognize was a migraine until yesterday because its not the migraine symptoms I've had before, also some of my treatment plan slipped through the cracks and my lyme disease is getting worse again

But!

There's some positive stuff too, because even though I'm a complainer, I like to find good in stuff;

-There is an end date in sight for one of my medical problems! By this time next month I will be easing off of the medical diet I'm currently on because my stomach should be fully healed, but we're taking it slow just to be safe

-In theory, fixing my computer won't be expensive for us because it's a likely a manufacturing problem and it's still under warranty

And

-I know I'll get past the place I'm in with my art currently, and when I do I'll be making some really cool stuff, because that's what always happens!

So

I'll probably be

A little slow, and/or posting a bit less than usual for a bit longer,,,,,

But when I come back, ill come back swinging!

[the-haunted-office]

Death nearly comes literally for James in the form of an enraged perpetually 30-year-old woman with badly-cut short brown hair, save for two longer bits hanging down by her ears, almost like a pair of floppy bunny ears. It looks like rather like someone had at her hair with a pair of hedge clippers and they really didn't know what they were doing, but the woman rather looks like she doesn't care. What she does look like she cares about is the fact that James has his hand on a certain pillow - presumably one that is hers.

"Who the fuck are you?!" she blurts out, setting down what appears to be a sack absolutely full of rocks.

A wolfish grin of his own splits his face, totally oblivious to the oncoming train that's about to hit him. "Well! This your pillow?" he inquires, needlessly pointing at said pillow. Death the Wolf winks saucily up at the officer worker who is about to die.

Doom doesn't even answer him. She just crosses the room in three or four quick strides, grabs him by the collar, yanks him away from her bed, and drags him out of her room, and throws him out into the hallway so hard he slams into the wall with a crack. James is so dazed, he isn't sure if the wall cracked or if it was his spine that did, but the door slamming soon after doesn't leave him any more room to wonder.

Because as he falls over onto the floor, his head pounding as a migraine begins to bloom behind his eyes at the rough treatment, James begins to wonder something else. Something far more important than whether his spine is broken or whether he might be concussed.

"Wowwww. Who is sheeeeeeee?" he slurs with a stupid grin just before passing out.

[unstablemotions]

how self dx can be extremely helpful - stream of consciousness / ramble

can i just say how fucking infuriating it is when a kid gets to the ER and describes symptoms that are clearly those of migraines with aura and the doctors/nurses just say "damn dunno what that is but it's over now so bye!"

like, migraines aren't a super rare thing. why tf don't they realise that maybe that's what's going on? my sister was undiagnosed her whole childhood and would just live with her migraine attacks not knowing why she'd lose her balance and vision. it was our dad who finally connected the dots and then my sister doing her own research into it before the doctors actually diagnosed her

i think informed self diagnosis is extremely valuable. of course get the opinion of professionals if/when you can. but fuck, doctors can miss so many obvious clues, especially when they only see you for maybe 10 minutes and you barely have a language for what you're experiencing

it is of course not for everyone to research your unexplained symptoms - maybe you deal with health anxiety and researching will just hurt you more than it will help you. but if you are able to, i really think doing your own research before going to a doctor is very valuable. you can save time this way, since a doctor visit is so short

also i recommend seeking information from both medical websites and from people who deal with these symptoms themselves. hearing it from people who actually live with the symptoms can be so valuable. maybe someone will even be open to questions!

last personal anecdote is a friend of mine, who started having weird experiences they didn't have before. they looked it up on the internet and found that it very much seemed like they were developing schizophrenia. they called their doctor, told them their concerns, got evaluated with a quick set of questions and the doctors agreed with my friend's suspicion. my friend made an informed self diagnosis and it helped them get treatment much quicker

okay this is the very last one, but my sisters have also self diagnosed and been confirmed by doctors afterwards. it makes the diagnostic process that much quicker. you know yourself way better than the doctor who only sees you when you are in their office for maybe 10 minutes at a time

do your own research. get a second evaluation if you don't feel like the first doctor got it right. be open to being wrong about the disorder you suspected, but also know that a doctor can get it wrong as well, so make sure to be as informed as you can and have a good, open dialogue with your doctor. work together towards an answer and treatment

ok i'm out, be kind to yourselves and stay safe <3