#might make him hypersexual as well but if i do anything with that its not gonna be on this blog

[sad-leon]

what if i gave rise leo BPD...

his anger manifests in the form of self-sabotage and self harm. he asks donnie to sound proof his room when they get to the new lair so he can wreck it without concerning everyone else. before that he'd sneak to the surface and wreck an already messy alleyway

his self harm is recklessness. he gets hurt in fights as much as he can and still get away with just a "please be more careful" lecture from raph

speaking of raph, his oldest brother is his favorite person. so when raph starts to brush him to the side and distrust him, he doesnt take it well. when he does something to impress raph and all he gets is "finally..." thats when he disappears for hours and comes back home with sore arms and usually some scrapes and many bruises

he becomes a medic because they can't ignore him if he helps them. plus he can get better at hiding his breakdowns if he can take care of his own injuries

he wants to be in the spotlight so bad until the spotlight shines on him and suddenly his skin fits wrong

splinter and raph brush it off as teenage hormones. donnie shuts it out. mikey is the first person to realize leo's moods aren't normal, but he doesnt want to confront the fact the bpd comes from trauma, so he tries to support leo as best he can

april doesnt realize how much leo's mood shifts until she spends a night in the lair and realizes that leo isn't as hyper as he presents himself. he tries to mask, but he's too tired and the sudden silence from leo throws april off. it creates a rift between them. even when leo is happier around april, she knows somethings wrong- knows its not quite as genuine as she thought.

she spends more time around donnie than leo and leo thinks its for the best. eventually all his brothers- all his family prefer spending time with someone thats not him. he tells himself its for the better- the less time they spend around him, the less likely he'll be upset around them and end up making them upset

leo convinces himself he's meant to be alone and puts his all into being the team medic and spends the rest of his time alone and dissociating. he hates being the leader- having everyones eyes on him all the time. watching him. waiting for him to mess up- to act out- to prove they were right not to trust him

.... idk.. just a thought

[slocumjoe]

Do you have any random headcanons about any of the comapnions that you want to get off your chest?

Oh, 100%. A lot of this is mostly inter-personal headcanons, how they react to each other. Very found-family based, heavily pushing my "Hancock and Danse become besties" agenda. Less based on the individual. Oh, and follows the "all move to Sanctuary" thing, so people who don't like that might not buy in to this.

Companion Headcanon Grab-bag

Cait; Really confused about her sexuality internally. Has changed her mind on her labels so many times. Is she gay? Bi? Pan? Straight? Ace? Sex-repulsed? Hypersexual? She likes sex sometimes and other times she hates the concept. What's her type of person, if any? What does she want out of a relationship? Just sex? What would she need in a partner? Tries to not think about it, so damn confusing. Just follows her whims. Would get on great with an elder queer person, really needs some guidance there. Also, has a fear of monkeys, apes, etc. Jangle toys and those cymbal monkeys. Fucking horrifying.

Codsworth; Babies the other companions like a mom. Putters around the bunkhouse making sure Piper eats something before she's out the door, cleaning up after Hancock's midnight snack, picking MacCready's coat off the back of a chair, hovering to block Danse's view of the coffee pot as Nick adds honey and sugar for him specifically. It's one house with a dozen adults of questionable emotional and mental stability. It's a robot butler's Olympics. Outside of the others...has spent two centuries trying to kill one single radroach. Its the same one, he's sure of it. It lives under the bridge and appears only under a full moon. It is his mortal enemy.

Curie; The most intimidating girl in the bunkhouse, not Cait. Because Curie doesn't put up with any bullshit. You look pale, come here and let—come here and let her feel your forehead. Too hot, you're taking the day off. She'll make you some tea—no, Danse, she doesn't care if that one joint on your Power Armor is bugging you. Bed. Does she need to go get Nick? She'll get Nick. Excellent! What kind of tea would you like? Curie is very sweet and caring, but she’s a hardass when it comes to the health of her compatriots. And you can't just...refuse. Maybe you could, but...no one's ever tried. Even Gage gives up once she smiles and tilts her head, but narrows her eyes. Fucking Gage.

Danse; You can tell he's feeling under the weather, be it mental or physical, if he hides from Curie. Danse ends up getting on pretty well with Hancock, Nick, Cait, and Preston once he's better from BB. Hancock reminds him a lot of Cutler, in some ways. Cait reminds him of many Initiates, hotheaded and eager but lost on their place in the world. Nick mentors him on the synth thing, and he and Preston are very similar. Once he's mostly adjusted from everything, adopts a...questionable wardrobe, things he would have worn in the Brotherhood if not for the uniform. Adores gaudy, odd-patterned shirts, bright colors.

Deacon; After the Institute is dealt with, by any means, and he has something of a support group with Sole and the others...goes back to Deacon. Its hard, it takes a lot of time, but he stops the home-grown identity crisis. He grows his hair out again, gets a charming grey-red stubble. Still likes costumes and such, but he tries to stay the one person, not fake anything. Again, very difficult. But he tries. Has an odd kinship with X6-88. X6-88 tries to figure out his identity, Deacon tries to relearn his. Also gets along better with Danse and Hancock, understands the "who am I" thing. But the real pals? Deacon and Jun Long. Jun's hype man. Gets what he went through; University Point was destroyed long after Deacon left, but that was still his home. And losing his son...Deacon respects that Jun kept chugging. Tries to help him regain his confidence.

Gage; This is a domesticated Gage, as much as Gage can be domesticated. Always has a horrific story that he likes to pepper into conversations. Deacon tries to one-up him, but Gage always wins, partially because Gage is telling the whole-ass truth. Never says anything about himself, though. Socially hovers around Longfellow, really curious about all of his stories. But Gage keeps his distance far, faaaar from everyone else. Marcy Long swung a folding chair at him, his first day visiting Sanctuary. Thinks little of Preston at first, but the moment he notices that they're almost the same person, just on the other side of the coin, has a crisis. Catches himself not criticizing Preston at one point, when he could have, and has to start a fistfight with him to feel better. Gets along great with Shaun and other local kids, who are into his raider stories. Marcy keeps hunting him for sport, though, so he only has a few minutes to talk before a rake goes for the other eye.

Hancock; Opinion of Danse does a complete flip the very second Danse apologizes. Hancock rubbed it all in his face, took schadenfreude in it. Then Danse's mental health dissolved into goo, and it stopped being funny. And then Hancock felt like fucking shit when the racist technofacist was the bigger man who felt terrible looking back on everything. It took time for their relationship to go from hostile, to civil, to friendly, but Hancock is basically a sphinx cat that wants to drape himself over Danse and cuddle all day. Danse, for his part, is grateful that Hancock could forgive him at all. Also, considers MacCready a brother, no exaggeration. Bobby is his little brother, Duncan is his nephew, blood be damned. It's good for him, after what happened with McDonough. Still refuses to process that. He never was on good terms with him, anyway, but...nope, not thinking about it. Doesn't do chems around Duncan, knows Bobby is iffy about it.

MacCready; Really didn't want to introduce Hancock to Duncan, for fear of Duncan having some...lingering memories about Ghouls. Nope. Duncan loves Uncle John to the moon and back. If Hancock isn't hugging on Danse, he's hugging on Duncan. Also befriends Jun, though he feels some guilt at his baby having survived. MacCready spends a lot of his downtime trying to educate himself, reads. Does those school workbooks if he can find them. Is really entertained by the notes left from the students using them, then gets miserable when he thinks about what happened to them. Incredible at any accuracy-based game. Don't challenge this man to ping-pong.

Nick; Resident therapist. Has, in earnest, considered installing a confessions box in the bunkhouse. Just when he thinks he's heard the worst of their lives, Hancock will remember that his brother buried him alive, or Piper mentions that her dad kept twitching at the funeral as they burned him, or Gage says one sentence about an ex-boyfriend. Then he reminds himself, yeah, these kids are Traumatized with a capital T. Wishes he could drink. Has a list of people to check on in order of priority, every week. Preston is first, Gage is last. Both reasons being, both have so many issues, but won't talk about them. Bangs his head on a wall when he notices this. Sits with Codsworth some afternoons and they share a private nervous breakdown. Has considered getting a gen 3 body, but...he'd want a custom, not someone else's, like Curie's situation. And not like OG Nick, either. Himself. Whatever that looks like.

Piper; Not over her parents dying and never will be. She was 14 when her dad died. Mom died giving birth to Nat. Had to be a mom, and then a mom and a dad, when she herself was a kid, still. Clings to the newspaper because it was all she had, her only power as a little girl alone in the Commonwealth with a toddler. Things get easier, but never less painful. Relocating to Sanctuary made things a bit better, especially since McDonough couldn't threaten to throw them out anymore. Jumped and screamed in place when she was proven right about him. Stopped when she noticed Hancock upset. Continued when she was out of his view, but quieter. Befriends everyone to some extent, but Gage. Gage has some...irritating opinions on the press, chief being, "Hey, you got everyone to kill each other, sounds like. What, that weren't the goal?"

No. What kind of name is Porter, anyway? Ugh.

Preston; So much pent up anger and frustration. Will never let it out. The restraint it takes to keep from maiming Gage like a fucking alligator could hold up the Prydwen if made a physical force. Very confused on what Gage thinks of him, though. Seems to change daily. But hey, he's always down to throw Gage out of a window. 10/10 way to spend an afternoon, eagerly looking forward to next time. Goes drinking with Danse often. Keeps an eye on Nick, sends Sturges his way if he starts making odd noises when he moves. Tries to keep some distance from the others. He lost people he thought family on Quincy...and some them, they didn't die. That was the bitterest thing of all, that they lived before anyone else.

X6-88; Has an interest in art but loathe to act on it. Very attached to his coat. Had a father figure in the Institute, was his personal servant. That man was killed by a rogue synth. X6-88 joined the courser program after the funeral. Protective of Shaun, ends up being popular with his child friends/classmates, who are all curious about the tall, dark man who doesn't speak much but holds Shaun's hand. Privately, X6-88 considered himself a child, young, once. Shaun is literally a child synth. That has to be confusing, being the ghost of dead man, made for his living parent. Dislikes Gage the most, dislikes Piper and Danse the least. Learns to respect Preston, even if he disagrees on his philosophies; at least someone on the top was trying to restore the world, even if it wasn't quite working. Has a fondness for sour apple candy.

[lakesbian]

i think cherie has a weird psychological fixation on alec. btw. for reasons such as

cheries Deal is about being powerful and scary and manipulative so she can be the one who hurts others instead of the one who gets hurt due to shes fundamentally alienated from connection w/ herself and others and has no other way to cope with existing without feeling like dirt

also her powers are abt being stuck in this miserable cramped home w a bunch of other miserable violent people and having to learn how to emotionally read everyone so she can cater to the abuser to keep herself safe + understand how to manipulate the other victims (to make life easier for herself, to hurt them to satiate her abuser & feel like she's regained some control, etc)

alec was one of the siblings slightly closer 2 her in age + one of the siblings she tormented, someone she knew exceedingly well as a result of her power. theres a connection there. its a bad connection but theres a connection. forced him to do horrible shit alongside heartbreaker + WoG implies she contributed 2 the sexual abuse by fostering the hypersexual behavior. basically i bet she thinks she has him read for filth

he was a sad little sopping wet crybaby 4 most of the time she knew him absolutely the type that would make younger cherie be like "tch...hes not cut out for anything." and tell him to stop being a whiny baby (<- she thinks this counts as helpful life advice). i think she would tell him this even if he wasn't actually crying. like he would go ":(" in his head and she would be like Stop being a whiny baby. just unprompted. also on the one occasion she tried to cheer him up she did so by letting him watch liveleak videos of people exploding on her phone.

anyway my point is. sad sopping wet crybaby jean-paul grows up, toughens up, runs away successfully (first heartbroken to do so), and THEN becomes a threat of stabilizing his own power 2 the point where he could eventually become more successful/well-known than her while the cult back home is slowly dwindling in power. what if the sopping wet crybaby younger sibling you tortured as a coping mechanism was at risk of getting cooler than you would that be fucked up or what.

furthermore i think cherie is like. conscious about the fact that she sucks and the heartbroken home sucks and thinks she's being Honest about it + brave in the face of the inherent misery that the world wreaks upon her for sucking. and she also thinks that alec is, like, not just lying and obscuring the fact that he sucks from the undersiders, but successfully being treated like he Doesn't suck as a result. which pisses her off and is, aside from thinking it's funny when he's miserable, why she tries to ~reveal the truth~ about him 2 the undersiders over the phone. this is funny because alec also thinks he's being honest about the fact that he sucks and in fact considers it one of his strong points.

but anyway yeah i think shes fixated with being able to like. drag him back down to what she perceives as their shared level + reestablish control over him bc him being free and successful while genuinely improving himself as a person puts fundamental cracks in her worldview.

all of which is to say in the beautiful hypothetical world where she gets drudged up from the ocean and riley and amy awkwardly put her back together she finds out alec died doing smth good 4 aisha and she doesn't fucking like it. because he's beyond her reach in two ways forever now. first of all he's dead. second of all he died doing something uncomplicatedly caring and self-sacrificing for a friend which means the undersiders permanently remember him as a fucked up kid they knew back when they were all fucked up kids who ultimately Tried and went out being the best person he could be. which means she can't drag him back down to her level and reassert her worldview by making him miserable Or by changing ppls opinions of him. even insinuates that what She thought about him might have been wrong. and aisha laborn, the person he died for, who is now taking care of all of the heartbroken, who still remembers alec deeply fondly, is naturally where her Weird Psychological Fixation transfers next. also worth noting that THE FUCKING WORLD ENDED while she was down there and the s9 is Over so cherie is just. utterly irrelevant everybody forgor about her. she doesn't even get to feed off ppls hatred, no "negative attention is still attention" for her, she just gets drudged up and is expected 2 move on with her life. which is to say she immediately clings onto the one remnant of the world she knew, the one place where she can still claw for relevancy w/ ppl who would know her, and starts emailing aisha "can't make a banaisha split without a cherie on top" 200 times in a single evening. and aisha doesnt care at all cherie is going fucking nuts over this whole thing and aisha is just over there mentally writing this weeks grocery list in her head

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

goddddddddd saltburn is driving me crazy. specifically the interplay of emotional support and consent and deception and false fronts. elspeth is obsessed with other peoples trauma, but ultimately devoid of whats necessary to handle that type of situation with tact or kindness, because she can only interact with it as gossip. as a hypothetical. as entertainment. so she just sort of flies around it ineptly, tapping at the glass. moth to a flame. latches onto therapy speak buzzwords, the language and trappings of emotional intelligence. allows herself to be reassured and swayed by them when coming from oliver, even as they have no substance, no real meaning, only cheaply playing into her preconceived notions and reframing them as intellectual, moral, just. and she laps it up. shes drawn to other peoples suffering bc its an opportunity to play the saviour, which is why when oliver does it, it works so well on her. (which extends to felix and james as well!! suuuuper big white saviour complex going on there!!!!) and specifically as this all pertains to venetia.. her daughter is bulimic and has been hypersexual since 14. and she *knows* this. but she treats it as hot gossip to a man who is a virtual stranger, thus providing him the exact information he needs to manipulate said daughter. sees all of this mans red flags and invites him in because hes another project. another rescue lapdog to return to the shelter when she gets bored, just like pamela. pamela died. shed do anything for attention. and then we see how venetia ends, and oliver didnt even force her to do it. he just...enabled it. it sort of felt inevitable, didnt it? would venetia have done anything for attention, too? elspeth extending this motherly wing over everyone except her actual children. immediately pouncing on oliver with her whole "you can tell me anything, nothing will shock me" bit, right after everyones heard her ripping his story to shreds. the overbearing offer you cant refuse of motherly comfort that you know isnt in good faith, next to the children whove learned the hard way not to give into it, not to show their cards. and felix doing the exact same thing to oliver, prying until he makes up a sob story that allows felix to position himself as a rescuer. faux emotional support, not offered out of kindness, but shoved into your palms without consent. buy us another round (and we'll accept you. dont you want us to accept you? you ditched your only friend for us.) no really, we insist. dont duck out of your round. hey, i thought you might need some help on this one. god thats so awful. was it awful? it must be awful. you can tell me anything. are you going to behave? youre going to eat. i wont take no for an answer.

[angelguk]

I just wanna bring up how men nowadays are so cheap and expect the woman to go half on a date. What happened to courting someone the proper way? And then they says well it’s equality, both pay. Like no hoe it’s your obligation to pay. lmfao no but seriously what’s the deal?

!!!!!!!! like it truly truly pains them to spend money on a woman. mind you i've taken the time to do my makeup (which costs money), get an outfit (money!), and the risk of my life being on the date with him :/ my recent situationship asked me to split on drinks with him the first date and my eye twitched immediately like i lost a lot of respect for him there

i think men are aware than the bar is so low (beyond hell atp) that they can get away with as little investment into a date and still receive some sort of intimacy (whether it be physical or just your time and attention). idk whether its due to society being hypersexual or something (anybody with articles i can read on this please send) but men typically try and avoid emotional attachment. i know people might say "ohh it's in their biology to be detached and seeking multiple partners" but i honestly do not think it is at all (this leads to a bigger question about love.... which let's not get into that rn but here's a good video essay if you're interested in the topic)

if i may make an assumption i think the whole emotional detachment thing is because male relationships (platonic/family) do not allow room for mourning/grief/sadness. those are all assumed to be feminine behaviours and thats why i think men end up later on settling but still harbouring feelings for exes. many male friendships are based on activities done together and not on emotional bonding. the number of times i've had conversations with men are this are ridiculous because they are aware of it and still don't do anything to break. hence the whole as little investment into dating because who is going to give them the space to deal with their emotions afterward. but anyway... if thats how they want to be

[gikairan]

Man.... my dad's family.... 😵‍💫

So my dad has been really estranged from his entire family for most of my life. He had a sister and brother, both older than him (And both have now passed). His brother specifically cut all contact with the rest of his family (And finding out he passed during Covid was.. a trial to confirm). But i'm not sure why he and his sister didnt contact each other for ages - i think it was about my aunts husband? I think my mums called him a paedo in the past, which... uuhhhhh... yeah.... fair enough for cutting contact.

Anyway, close to 10 years back now my Dad got back in contact with his sister. Or, mostly, his sisters daughter. My cousin, N.

It feels weird calling her my cousin because IM closer in age to HER children than she is to me? Like, mentally i think my cousins-once-removed as my cousins?

Anyway theres 3 of them - A (M), J (M) and E (F). I dont know which order theyre born in. I barely know A, i somewhat know J and know far more about E. Theres... a reason why that is.

Anyway, Js getting married next year and its at some... rural cottage/ converted farm?

And the last time he saw him, he said hed make sure to get my family (parents, me, sisters) somewhere to stay AT the cottages.

Well today i find that someone decided the sleeping arangements would be.... me and E.

And i guess the point is theres 2 women with no other +1s, so stick them together.

And when my parents heard about it, they were both pretty pissed.

See, uh... E is... uh.... hard to deal with. The way my parents described it was... me and her are two opposite ends of the spectrum. You literally could not find 2 people who are less alike.

And the idea of having to spend 2 nights with her is Well its my idea of hell.

I dont know if theres an actual diagnosis, but theres a suspicion she probably has some kind of personality disorder? I dont want to say this in a bad way, and i know she kinda cant help it. But she almost cant see how her actions might impact other people around her, and has a severe reaction to not being the centre of attention. I get the impression shes got pretty poor impulse control?

..... And shes very hypersexual. Which is not me judging. Its just that im ~*~SEX REPULSED~*~ Like, everyone is welcome to do what they want with their body and with whoever they want. The thought of it being anywhere near me makes my skin crawl and kinda activates my flight or fight response.

So someone who potentially has poor impulse control, and is quite free with her sexuality.... is not the best person to sit in a room with someone actively squicked by even the most vanilla of shit. (theres also the possibility that, if shes in a relationship when this wedding happens, shes going to have one of her fits over not being able to sleep in the same room as her partner)

And, look, i dont talk about anything to do with my sexuality with anyone i know in real life. Including my family. I dont want to deal with the awkwardness of it all, having to explain what the hell i am and what it means. its easier online? But i can figure my parents probably realise i dont have a lot of interest in this stuff. Given im 32 and never talked about a relationship, lol.

My parents now have to deal with the awkwardness of telling N that "no, this arrangement isnt okay". Especially because they know N will say "oh she'll be fine". ..... Because she always does. And i get its her daughter? Shes the most used to E, and what shes like. ... but this is a wedding where shes not the centre of attention. My parents, and me, know shes going to act out? Because shes done it basically every time ive met her...

And i get N probably doesnt know ME that well to realise id probably be VERY uncomfortable around E. But she does also talk with my parents a lot?

But, i dunno, can you really be that blind to how your daughter acts (or so used to it) that youd think her sharing a room with anyone (shes not in a relationship with) was a good idea? 😵‍💫

And, like, i do want to stress nowhere do i want to sound hateful, or not understanding. But she, as a person, is someone who feels almost specifically tailored to be the opposite of me in every single way. And i simply cannot get along with someone like that! I can act friendly with her in small doses, but that does not mean i get along with her? It means im acting nice around family....

And this very thing is making my parents not want to go to this wedding. And its kind of a shame because J seems pretty well adjusted? And i dont want my parents to miss out on something fun. But they also dont want to deal with E, even if i pull the card of "oohh nooooooo, i cant afford this" as a way to wriggle out of it.

[eldritch-spouse]

I have a feeling this was asked before, but how would Breg handle an asexual/aromantic S/O? Like, they are not sex repulsed, just... really not horny, ever.

[Divine comedy at its finest, creepy horndog falls in love with least horny person on the planet...]

(Minors dni)

Breg with an asexual/aromantic obsession

Quite unfortunate, really. Especially because Breg has no idea what those terms mean or that people with no interest in sex or romance even exist. He's been learning a lot of terminology, he finally understands what words like "gay" and "bi" and whatnot refer to, but those two you just mentioned? Doesn't have a clue. If you told him what an asexual was, Breg would probably laugh and tell you that was a very funny joke- And then promptly get a slap across the face. Quite deserved;

Once again, a conversation needs to happen here. And it will take quite some time before Breg grasps that asexuality is real and valid- Not because he's a dick about it, it's just that he doesn't know anything other than hypersexuality. It's mind-boggling for him to think that you sincerely don't have any sort of sexual impulse. Or at least not a significant one. This will make Breg feel extremely out of place, as he is the complete opposite of you in that regard. All his fantasies hit the drain as he realizes that this exacerbated part of his nature will only serve to drive you two apart, and Breg cannot stand the thought. Sexually active or not, Breg loves you, you're the perfect mate! The breeder will do anything to appease you, even if it means nullifying his own desires and needs;

First, I think Breg would try to hide his cravings from you. He'd avoid sexual topics or comments and generally be very chaste, but you can probably tell he's uncomfortable or holding himself back. Really, you will have to be the one to set boundaries here and directly tell the monster what he can and can't do. As a result of you never really wanting sex and Breg feeling like a huge inconvenience, the breeder will probably resort to getting himself off behind your back, and more frequently than usual too, since he's constantly around the object of his desires but can't really do anything about it (or so he assumes). He's going to die of shame if you ever catch him in the middle of this, and generally begin to resent his own sexuality. Why can't he be more like you? You'd love him more if he wasn't so needy, right? This type of unhealthy thought might culminate in Breg seriously considering castrating himself. You heard me right, the breeder would castrate himself for you. Which is amazing when you consider that breeders are very scared of sexual dysfunction. Please sit this idiot down again and tell him to not maim himself;

If you're willing to have sex for Breg's sake alone, then I think he would genuinely burst with adoration for you. Putting yourself through something so intimate that doesn't interest you at all just for him is a huge display of trust and love and Breg will always do his best to repay you for the attention. Perhaps the good part about doing this is that you don't have to be very involved if you don't want to. Breg can get off just fine as long as you're part of it, somehow;

Breg's view on aromantic people is already not as pleasant. What do you mean you don't want romantic relationships? Are you actually serious? Can't grasp it, he just can't. The monster refuses to accept it. He won't settle for being your friend. He needs to be your lover, he needs to be in a relationship with you even if you're incapable of loving him back- Which he refuses to acknowledge. You love him, of course you do. I'm going to be honest here, Breg will enter complete delusion and constantly invalidate this part of you. He feels like your attitude is the result of emotional harm done to you rather than a natural disposition. He wants to "fix you". And that won't end well. If you deny his romantic advances Breg will resort to sex to prove his love for you in a way that you may accept. If you're both asexual and aromantic, I'm sorry to say but you're shit out of luck with Breg. He will never force sex but he will force romance;

For asexuals, Breg probably works on restraining himself when his heat is starting, preferably someplace away from you. There's no telling this will actually work out well though.

[sabugabr]

How "Loki" managed to make Loki's "outed" version also be their most heteronormative one

Well hello again!! This one's gonna be a single post, and relatively shorter than my previous ones (God I hope). I just want to get into one little detail that bothered me while watching Loki — the blatant heteronormativity of all that.

I'm not even talking about plot, the well is deeper ( that's a Brazilian saying, I don't know if it exists in English. Oh well)

SO KKKKKKKKKKK LOKI HUH. Unless you've been hibernating for the last few months, you probably know that some time ago, Disney+ debuted its third series on the platform, Loki, AND TUMBLR WAS ON FIRE. And there's already been a lot of discussion regarding some aspects of the series, some plot choices, well, all sort of things. However, I won't get into all the issues regarding his bissexual representation, or the gender fluidity issue, or even anything regarding Sylvie or Mobius. If you want to know more about it, you can have quick walk around tumblr, or even just go and see what Russell T. Davies has to say about it. It was a crazy ride, this series.

But I know there are a lot of different takes on this matters, and there're many ways in which you can relate to a media or story, and it's not my place here to meddle. If you liked the series, if the queer representation of this series was something that resonated with you, was something meaningful to you, that's genuinely great. So I'll abstain myself to my area of study, Visual Culture, and therefore what I want to talk about here is costume design. More specifically, Loki's.

(just a disclaimer, I'll be refering to Loki using he/him pronoums, since in the series is clear that he identifies himself as male. Also, I won't cover any aspects of Loki in the comics — or even Norse mithology or other medias —and their portrail there, because otherwise this would be WAY longer, so I'll just stick to the MCU)

So let's talk about queer coding, shall we?

1. QUEER CODING

Ok so, let's say you walk into a room full of queer people and ask anyone who loved Disney villains as a kid to raise their hand.

There'd probably be a very fair share of hands up, right? I mean, I know mine would. The relationship between Disney and queer kids has always been an interesting one, to say the least. And it's very common for many of us to feel especially drawn to the villains, and one of the possible reasons for it is the fact that most of the previous Disney villains (and some movie villains in general) are queercoded.

(and Kuzco. Interestingly, I never saw Kuzco being mentioned in these Disney queercoding discussions. Maybe The Emperor's New Groove is just more popular in South America...? Or maybe because it's like a positive representation, so it doesn't count? He's great tho, this movie is wonderful it's truly Disney's finest work I should make a whole post just extolling it just watch me BUT ANYWAY BACK ON TRACK)

If you google it, you'll see that queer coding is

"the subtextual coding of a character in media as queer. Though such a character's sexual identity may not be explicitly confirmed within their respective work, a character might be coded as queer through the use of traits and stereotypes recognisable to the audience. Such traits are greatly varied, but traits of exaggerated masculinity and femininity, vanity, and hypersexuality are frequent." [source: Wikipedia]

In the context of those movies, this was often made purposefully, blatantly, and in a very hurtful way, with very damaging implications, to associate (in a pejorative and stereotyped way) queer = evil. If you want to know more about it, and I highly recommend you do, there are two videos on YouTube by Rowan Ellis that explain these issues in a very complete, didactic way, and much better than I ever could. One's all about Disney villains, and the other is about the historical and social panoramas from queercoding to queerbaiting. I linked them both right there.

But the thing is, even though these are very problematic issues, what ended up happening is that many of us reclaimed those Disney villains. We felt attracted, drawn, captivated by a lot of them (not the Pocahontas one, that one is just bad). To the point where they might be our favorite characters in the movies. And why does it have to do with Loki?

Well, because, let's face it, Loki looks like a Disney villain.

the attitude. LOOK AT HIM

And that was one of the things that amused me the most when I'd go see a Thor or an Avengers movie, because not only would Tom Hiddleston's impeccable acting make the character completely captivating to me, but his outstanding looks always caught my eye.

In my humble opinion, in all the movies he's been in Loki has the most interesting costumes. They are always not only incredibly beautiful but also richly detailed, always following the color palette of Green, Black and Gold, even when he's wearing casual style. I also love how the gold is always used in adornments, and how well-fit his clothes always look. He looks like he'd only wear Asgardian haute couture.

I mean, look at the patterned scarf (which looks enormously like a leopard print to me) with green accents, stylishly matching his black vest and longcoat. THE CANE.

Of course the other costumes are also ok (Thor's armor for example has shades of blue, silver and red, all opposite to Loki's colors - although unlike Loki he almost never changes his outfits, which is a bit disappointing to me). But look at how Thor's outfit is made to make him look big, strong, MASCULINE and caricatured, while Loki's is simply elegant and slim.

His shoulder pads resonate the same shape as Thor's, but are narrower, making him look smaller in comparison. And I find it interesting how (unlike Thor who has an outfit pretty much the same as his comics counterpart) they stripped the more rustic fur trim from Loki's comics design, but kept the characteristic (and more elegant) square shoulder armor/pads.

In short, it's like his whole visual concept is to look dark, slim, fit and elegant.

And oh my, the sass

And Loki's costume designs actually have very beautiful meanings? As you can see in this Buzzfeed interview with Co-Founder and former Co-Head of Visual Development at Marvel Studios Charlie Wen and Marvel Studios Senior Visual Development Artist Anthony Francisco, when designing the character's casual Asgardian clothes, they made the clothe's lines

"more angular, almost architectural in its repeating angles. The purpose was to contrast the soft interior greens (Loki’s primary color) with the rigid blocky exterior (symbolizing Loki trapped inside the rigid walls of Asgard)."

The green color represents his soft interior. In a similar association, his characteristic collar was inspired by the flower faux calla lily, symbolizing "sacrifice and a resurrection motif". It's all very poetic. They deepened this concept in Loki's clothing in Ragnarok, where the replacement of green for blue in his clothes was meant to represent grief and sadness, and his personal growth.

"It's kind of like a nice arc for him. In the beginning of the movie he's green, then he's blue, then he's green again...by the end of the movie, he finds who he is," they said

But with the blue outfit, they added a yellow cape to represent that things would be all right at the end. Yellow and blue also make green. So like, colors mean something here. And they also wanted the blue to evoke a peacock, since Loki was showing himself off to the Grandmaster. A 10/10 outfit. Because you see, asides being elegant and dark and all that, the thing is Loki is flashy, both in his style as in his body language.

And of course none of this necessarily means anything. Things like physical appearance, fashion choices and personality traits have absolutely nothing to do with a person's sexual orientation or gender identity. But just as in the case of the Disney villains, there are certain characteristics and representations tendencies that due to both social constructions and pre-established media codes (such as the ones influenced by the Hays Code, and others), when watching, we feel more inclined to perceive as being queer. And while this usually has a pretty negative connotation (since these evocative traits are usually based on harmful stereotypes), with Loki this wasn't necessarily the case.

Even though he was introduced as a villain from the beginning, Loki has always been decently built, deepened and humanized throughout the films. Even though he was queercoded, he was never defined by grimaces, clothes or stereotypes, nor were these ever necessarily the target of bigoted jokes.

And on top of that, his personal narrative revolved precisely around the sense of feeling like an outsider within your own family. Of feeling less loved, less valued, "trapped", because of a trait he desperately has to keep secret. In this case, it was being blue. But you can change blue for queer that still works fine. It was a very familiar narrative to many queer people watching. So in a way, I think we ended up reclaiming him as well.

And I genuinely think that might have been one of the reasons this character became so loved by the LGBTQIA+ and tumblr communities. He was fabulous, and his presentation and personality reflected that perfectly.

And where did it all end? In Loki.

2. HETERONORMATIVITY

Because you see, in Loki, the only scenes where he actively wears his usual clothes are at the beginning of the series, and then never again. For the rest of the series, he wears the TVA brown coat and later a plain white shirt with a tie.

And while he was on TVA, ok, perfect, they required him to wear these clothes, fine. But after he runs off with Sylvie, he finds himself in SEVERAL situations where he might as well change his clothes. As is constantly explained to us, he can alter his appearance as he pleases and magically create fabrics and clothes at his own pleasure.

But in the one situation where he actively does this (in the train), he chooses to continue with the clothes he got from TVA (and Mobius, which is a cute point of view, but not the point here)

SO JOYFULL!!!

And for the rest of the series, he apparently forgets about his clothes and sticks to that. In that same train, is also revealed to us as an audience that Loki is indeed queer. In a intimate conversation with Sylvie, he is said to like both men and women, and the director reffered to him as bisexual.

And from there he develops a deep affective relationship with Sylvie, a woman (as we were emphatically told in that slightly misogeneous scene between the Lokis where they debate the mere existence of a "female Loki"), which regarding his queerness would be perfectly fine, if it weren't for the change in Loki's presentation from then on.

BECAUSE YOU SEE one of the major point of the Loki series is the development of the title character. Especially, his development in becoming "a better person". He starts off being a so-called pompous narcissist (much like Kuzco if you think about it), meets people who change his perception of himself and the world, and then he starts trying to improve, and redeem himself. In short, becoming a hero (again, just like Kuzco, only The Emperor's New Groove does it better).

And one of the most important things about character design is that a character's costume essentially reflects who that character is, much more than their lines or actions. Just by looking at a character's costume (if it's a good costume) you can basically know everything the movie or series or play wants you to know. And especially if you're telling a story where a character goes through internal changes, the exterior (ie, their costume) should reflect that as well.

So, Loki goes through his great journey, changes, evolves as a person, becomes a hero, and how does his presentation reflects that?

I could laugh but then my laughter would turn into tears

No, really, please. I'm not talking about Sylvie please don't think I'm in any way attacking Sylvie here, just look at him. The kinda grimy white tight shirt, enhancing his chest? The rolled up sleeves??? The leather straps holding his weapon and once again enhancing his chest? The creases in his pants evidencing his pelvis? HIS POSE????? This is a CLASSIC cis straight heroic white male lead pose. This is the kind of aesthetics I'd expect from Chris Pratt in a Jurassic World movie, and I know that you can see it too.

At no point in any movie has Loki ever presented that kind of body posture, that kind of body language. It's as if the show was saying "See? He's tough now"

And there is none of the elements that Wen and Francisco had so beautifully enshrined in Loki's costume composition, in the visual narrative that his clothes would tell. No color scheme, no green, no lily, nor nothing reminiscent of the characteristic curved necklace centerpiece he always wore (which according to Wen and Francisco, is an element that symbolizes Loki's mother, Frigga, like a "mother's crest". Interestingly, notice tho how Sylvie's costume has it, and I don't know if I find it endearing or disturbing)

So, since there's no reference to anything previously used by Loki in the first Thor and Avengers, the only symbology I can attribute to this costume choice is to show how Loki now doesn't care about things like looks anymore. His clothes are dirty, he didn't even bother to change them at all, he's not the same man who started this journey, he dropped Gucci. (They even made a joke about how he magically summoned an ugly blanket to cover him and Sylvie) And consciously or not, I genuinely think it's possible they wanted to make him more "hero-looking", "good-guy-looking". And apparently that meant making him less queer-looking.

And of course there's no way I'm saying queercoding is a good thing But why couldn't he save the world with his fabulous looks? Why couldn't he be the good guy and be flashy? Why couldn't he go through the arc of discovering emotional vulnerability and being able to open up to other people and still enjoy nice clothes and gold? Why couldn't he kiss the girl and have, idk, black painted nails? To me this has the same bitter taste as the recent Disney movie Jungle Cruise, in which the queer character proves his worth when he "man-ups". (And besides, this film is very derogatory in the portrait of South America??? But anyway)

And again, of course none of this necessarily means anything. Your choice of fashion has no direct bearing on how queer you are or not. People express themselves in different ways, but we're not talking about real people. Loki is not a real person, but a character whose wardrobe and gestures and lines were all decided and thought out by an external group of people, with goals and direct consequences in our perception.

And this is even more evident and difficult to ignore for me by how much the series itself shows. In the scene where he meets the other Loki variants, if you notice, everyone is dressed in very elaborate costumes. Honestly, President Loki is MAGNIFICENT with that green vest, the one sided shoulder pad detail, and the textured tie evoking something reptilian (I also loved how they adapted the characteristic gold necklace into a tie pin). But the thing is, he is represented as being, in a way, evil.

They all are. They are shown to be, you know, "the older Loki" versions, those who haven't evolved as much, you know. They're still treacherous, and liars, and slippery, and cowards, and suspicious, and back-stabbers, and narcissists, and bla bla bla. "Our" Loki even calls them "monsters". And since he stands out so much from them all, with his simple, modest, heteronormative clothes, it's very easy for our brain to make an association between "dressing" and "acting." And suddenly Loki's old flashness turns into a harmful stereotype.

Because now the way he dressed is a possible implication of when he was a "bad person". From when he had all the characteristics I mentioned above (all commonly associated with queer people in a pejorative way). And that's so disappointing to me, because in my opinion they missed a great opportunity to get the exact opposite message across. In a social context where the media still villainizes queer traits SO MUCH, where works like Rock Horror Picture Show are still seen as grotesque and villainous by so many people, they could have made a fabulous hero. A queer hero, with characteristics reclaimed by us as a community, portrayed in a beautiful and positive way, just as we see them.

So, this was all only the point of view that I took from the costumes. But the point is that costumes tell a story. They deliver a message. So in Loki's case, what message is this?

Think about it.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading!!!

[kmclaude]

How would Annemarie’s life hve changed if she couldn’t feel anything during penetrative sex or even had painful sex due to vaginismus???

A lot more oral lol

Mm, no, yeah well the stuff with her daddy would be 10 times worse. She might have gone less hypersexual and more hyposexual (tho that assumes partly her hypersexuality is due to trauma -- girlfriend also just has a high libido period, so maybe more oral and jerking off?) Definitely would skew a lot of her revolving door relationships. She may grin and bear it for someone who really supported her, met her needs in and outta bed, etc. But her motives may skew less....I hesitate to say less sexual but more...if she knows a guy's gonna want to hit a home run it's gotta be damn worth it to her if it hurts (if she feels nothing its just booooooring but easier to weigh the options.) That or she winds up in major D/s relationships where she's the Domme and there's a lot of male chastity happening lmao. Like. She likes to come. There's a lot a man can do to make that happen.

That said she'd probably either be not """""""as traumatic""""" with Emi (just touching and oral and not all the way) orrrr she'd use him to try and practice/fix herself out of frustration that it hurts, that she's broken, and maybe if she didn't hafta raise some shitty brat she'd be less inclined to rely on the kindness of strangers so its all his fault somehow and he needs to pay.

[sugar-petals]

BTS Tarot Reading ➝ What Kind Of Porn Do They Watch? (18+)

↳ NOTE - due to several requests, a steamy and detailed one. ☕️ we’re asking the cards about the erotica they fancy in a wider sense. 

warning ⚠️ 18+ // bdsm mentions, worship, kinks left and right. we’re going graphic in all types o’ ways, lads.

♡ DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

SPREAD #1:

yoongi

⌈ THE WORLD ⇁ Jesus... Someone’s obsessed with girls in the nude. That card has a stark naked woman wrapped in very little satin on it so you know what our funky little guy is up to. Luscious aesthetic fotos might be just around his corner. Big duh, he’s a photography major. These folks are all about body appreciation. He’s also on a personal vendetta against lingerie 😂 Yoongi won’t get hard looking at even the most HD panty and bra ads. Only the skin in its full splendor will do, no editing. He loves pictures of nipples peaking through shirt fabric, it’s all over his phone. Yoongi likes his gals without underwear 24/7 just like he dislikes underwear himself. If we’re talking porn, the woman on the card is holding two very long rods so may I connect the dots: Threesomes, handjobs, blowbangs, spitroasting. Friction, friction, and more friction. To Yoongi’s brain, handjobs are a great um new version of holding hands. Sex standing up also, keeping it vertical. Yoongi doesn’t care about girth, inches count. Nice and elongated with a perfect plunge, something to hold onto. Yep, he’s pretty deliberate when searching that up. Yes, he loves the look of it. However, and you’ll be surprised: Even if he likes poly porn, it’s still nothing too extreme. This card is more about pleasure than pain. If a guy likes rough and degrading sex, you get swords and wands in his spread. THE WORLD is more about perfected skills and success. So, he likes the more accomplished porn stars. With a preference for curly blondes and redheads, that’s sort of the hair color on the card. Natural B or C cup. Medium height, not too curvy. Oversized booty not needed. In terms of nationality: We have three representative animals on the card. Eagle, lion and bull, plus a light blonde man’s head. So, anything that America/Germany/Albania/Mexico/Namibia (and so on, lot of countries with eagles as their national bird my dude), England, Spain and Scandinavia have to offer. Honey sugar is going international, baby.

hoseok

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ Did I just mention that guys who like rough sex in porn get wand cards in their readings in Yoongi’s segment? Well, there we have our candidate, with a very obvious card since it’s a court figure. Now, the thing is, this is not the guy being rough. The QUEEN OF WANDS is as notoriously femdom as can be. The very fiery and raw and fun version. So, with a degree of lightheartedness, but still being very fit — even buff — and hands-on with the sub. If you get the QUEEN OF SWORDS, that’s the more cool and calculated domme who signs you up for torture and humiliation, and she really looks like a domme. She’s all over the internet because she has the grit. Now wands combined with a tarot queen... it’s more about the stamina and she is approachable. Hobi does not like watching cruel girls, he likes challenging ones. Upbeat porn stars who can take a lot but most importantly dole it out assertively like pros are Hobi’s schtick. He’s unapologetic about that. With him it’s like, please not the local newcomers that turned legal a month ago. The queen cards are all about mature women. Mommy kink, hint hint. The kind of mommy who’s gonna whip out the spreader bar or cane (= wands again) and give a playful type of punishment. See how desert-like that imagery is, Hobi wants to sweat big time when he gets off to this. Now since wands also make for a damn good pole to dance on, go figure. This whole card has me wondering if, well alright, he is a Cardi B hard stan 😅 If Hobi blasts Money to get in the mood, I’d not be surprised. Anyway. Back to pole stuff: If you go through his youtube search history, you will find astounding things. I think he watches the more professional and athletic performers in competition though. High production value is key. Finally, an interesting card detail: There’s a sunflower on it. This is definitely his kind of tarot imagery.

jimin

⌈ KING OF COINS  ⇁ This card always looks like a scene from a medieval movie so you might have an erotic film enthusiast here. The more chaste type of genre, pentacles are very grounded and not hypersexualized. The intimacy is slow and more about security and pleasure. It’s graphic and detailed, but gives you a sense of relaxation. With a bit of romance in the plot, that might absolutely be Jimin’s thing. Castles and wine and nobility. Interesting type of erotica. Historical and classy. As expected of a prince, mind you. He might enjoy books of that genre also. And we know Jimin is an avid reader, right up there with Namjoon. Now, even with more risque and contemporary stuff that he googles up, we have similar dynamics going down on screen. With Hobi we had femdom because it’s a queen card, now with Jimin we get the classic male dom type of porn because that’s how the King usually rolls, unless it’s the KING OF CUPS who’s touchy-feely and subby. Meanwhile, the KING OF COINS is your local sugar daddy. Leaning towards being a soft dom, he’s not aggressive. And Jimin surely has a little crush on that concept. Ye know, if all the other members have female cards and Jimin gets the sugar daddy, we might be dealing with mxm action. Because if this card was a porn star, he’d be a really, really rich producer and a bear who’s done this since the frickin’ 90s. He’s treating his subs very gently and lets them sit on their lap, the imagery is sort of like that because the King is balancing a pentacle on his left thigh. Sex and comfort all in one are life for Jimin. A sexy detail I only noticed at a second glance, the King also has a shortened golden staff with him, which has a rounded tip. If that’s not a butt plug… whenever I see props like that in tarot, I interpret it as a sex toy. So, good vibes in here. And a bunch of aphrodisiacs, the KING OF COINS is a foodie. Which you know, might just be a food porn type of reference. Jimin’s taste in sexy things is quite something else.

jungkook

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ If there’s one thing I like, it’s the Tarot giving me the important archetypes during readings of that kind. The Queens, the Kings, the Major arcana (see Yoongi’s and Jin’s segment). You can really draw a lot of hints out of it. Now with the EMPRESS you have a similar case to Hobi’s, just a lot more softcore. Jungkook has a refined and pretty vast taste in erotica, if not the most refined in Bangtan next to Jimin who likes that kind of dignified touch to it as well as we saw. Jungkook knows his stuff when it comes to searching things up, he is a first class netizen in that regard. In terms of genre: The EMPRESS is your highkey feminist and wholesomeness legend, so — you won’t find any super creepy things in some hidden file on his PC, and things by female producers instead. No slut-shaming or name-calling here, everyone gets their pleasure in their own right. Thanks to online sex ed, Jungkook has a map to the clit and he’s not afraid to use it. He’s the type to watch solo videos ad nauseam. He’s fascinated. Masturbation until it gets all messy with the juices flowing, and you bet he wants to see the girls buzzing themselves off lying on their back. Maybe even outdoors in a field. Cum play is a must, cunnilingus is a must, he loves unprotected sex and creampies, he loves breast massages. And yes. Anything that involves sex with pregnant and chubby women. Similar to Taehyung, it’s all about the focus on the girl, he doesn’t bother much with the guy performers. And given Yoongi’s reading on top of that, we have three members in BTS who are all about worshipping the female body right here, breasts over ass, and he likes blondes, too. The EMPRESS card is like… the entire porn industry who does the MILF and BBW genre is financed by Jeon Jungkook’s website subscriptions. Cue GOT7, with Jungkook it’s girls, girls, girls. The thirst is going strong, and he’s unashamed times ten, sex is sex. 

➝ we also have members who don’t really bother with erotica or have a complicated relationship with it.

SPREAD #2

taehyung

⌈  ACE OF WANDS reversed ⇁ He’s not about beating off until the world ends. Taehyung gets bored by porn or heated literature and doesn’t feel very motivated to search it up. He would rather come up with his own ideas to write but doesn’t have the energy. Sex drive: On hold, even if he tries to look something up it doesn’t feel very fulfilling to him. Most of it fails to turn him on, it’s not his kind of taste. He gets frustrated when he masturbates and would rather rest, dream, and doze. The only thing I can see him watch somewhat frequently — hold your horses — is lesbian porn. I’ll explain. The ACE OF WANDS is pretty much your most glaring handjob symbolism card. A hand gripping a stick. Yoongi’s THE WORLD card has very similar imagery, I mean even two wands and a girl, bisexual explosion much. He would be a big fan of the upright ACE OF WANDS card lmao! But the reversal is like, um no silly guys jerking off in here, pls. Keep your cum to yourself. That means: Zero dicks in Taehyung’s zone, girl-on-girl stuff is his very last resort for quality that he is desperate for but cannot find. And not the stuff where the producers just replace the guys with heavy arsenal sex toys, double-ended dildos, fucking machines, endless strap-on action without any clit stimulation on either side and whatnot. Taehyung is like ugh, cherie, why, give me the juicy stuff, give me the basics. What he wants is just pure scissoring, fingering, oral, little gentle bites, a lot of caresses and kisses. And slow, slow sex. Probably the amateur kind. He hates how brutal and exaggerated most things online are. Tae is looking for softness, a lot of lesbian action is what delivers in that regard so he takes all he gets. And it goes further than that, Taehyung knows the finest yuri recommendations, I’m telling you.

seokjin

⌈  THE STAR reverse ⇁ The opposite of Yoongi: not keeping it very naked in here. The upright card shows a nude woman pouring water from two cups. Hence a strong connection to the card of sexuality, TWO OF CUPS. Everything is very gentle and positive in that scenery. But then, the reversed card rather shows us that Jin doesn’t feel too thrilled watching other people film or write or photograph sex. Like in Tae’s case, he becomes bored, it’s all the same to him. Nothing’s ever new to him in porn. He feels negative and guilty rather than refreshed or entertained. He also doesn’t like a lot of kinks that very literally connect to, well, the pouring water. Squirting, cum play, watersports, sex in the pool or showers, lube overuse, creampies, bukkake, fake cum — Jin is rolling his eyes at that, he thinks it’s a circus. He’s surely given it a try, but ended up feeling worse and even more pent-up or dissatisfied. At best, you will find him on unknown websites looking for the most amateur videos there are. Because: THE STAR quite unequivocally hints at porn stars. If you reverse the card, it becomes someone not very well-known. He roots for the underdog. Accordingly, Jin’s reaction to mainstream videos goes this way: ‚Pipe down, you non-artists!’ 😆 Cause maybe, he does do it better aye, without the awkward angles anyway. He doesn’t want the body cult, like, put that airbrush and silicone out of my face bro. Not because he’s against surgery, but the idea behind sexual extremes and the shady high standards. It’s too polished for him to get turned on. And robotic/staged. Likely because he’s had an IRL sexual experience (gasp!) that set a different ideal to him, so the more glossy porn feels off. Home video has all he needs instead. I think it’s especially because you get so see more body hair there. The woman on the THE STAR card is all sleek, so the reversed card is the opposite, Jin wants that unshaved goodness.

namjoon

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ Now you’d think — and I thought, kinda — we’d get the master of erotica right here. And he’s had one hell of a reputation for that. Think of the ever-infamous Yaman TV interview where BTS were super upfront and revealing about their taste and what they watch privately. With especially Namjoon having the lion’s share. But this card says otherwise if his current state is concerned. The EIGHT OF CUPS shows a man wandering off into the night, leaving eight cups behind him. I think what that means is, he’s moved on. Namjoon’s cravings aren’t as strong as they used to be, nor does he have the time. He knows it won’t fix his loneliness or answer the questions of life. He might be on the search for different things to fulfill him, or ignore much of his hormones in favor for his career. Not that he didn’t dabble in it, he sure did, but that chapter is slowly closing and what’s next he doesn’t really know yet. He thinks about family and being a father, so the smaller and more risque pleasures become less significant. Desire, too. Ye olde soul syndrome is kicking in. The card is also centered around introspection, a quest for self, all these higher topics that aren’t the most grounded and don’t leave much space for being horny. Joon is simply to preoccupied and on the move. He sees porn as a distraction from his real self at this point, and he’s not the type to feel satiated after masturbating to something, similar to Jin and Taehyung. Instead, I think he carries that energy elsewhere, hence the wanderer going from A to B onto a mountain. In short, Namjoon naturally grew out of it by becoming more, well: Namjoon. He’s left a lot behind, he’s choosing self-development over temporary fun, and he will ponder a lot on the topic, the hows and whys and whats more often than not. So, he’s passed the baton to Yoongi and Jungkook if you will, and keeps a low profile as of now. 

tarot mlist | ko-fi

----

for anon:

[kelsiekirbyy-scribbles]

Did anyone ask for nsfw headcanons of a dead rising character? No? Well this is very self-indulgent of me. This will flop, I can just tell, but I wanted this lmao.

✨Dylan Fuentes NSFW Alphabet✨

[Warning: i wouldn't read if you arent comfortable with 18+ headcanons]

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It really depends on how he feels about you. You could be just a "pet" and suffer in your injuries, or if he feels you've been obedient then you'd actually get treated for the scratches or bruises you have (might even get cuddles if you're both up to it)

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

If its boobs vs ass, he's definitely an ass type of guy; that's abundantly clear.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

He doesn't mind it and at the same time he isn't crazy about it either. He either tries to prolong his climax so he can keep going, or he just wants to cum as soon as possible

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He actually wants to be held. That's his dirtiest secret

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's very experienced in everything except being romantic

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Literally any position is fine by him. Riding someone or having someone ride him is probably his favorite though

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Its honestly a mix of both serious and silly. It greatly depends on how his partner is acting and if he's the sub or dom. Dylan is a serious dom but as soon as he subs, his voice gets high and he's more prone to cracking a joke or two

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Dylan's outfit really doesn't leave much to the imagination and you can clearly see his arm/pubic hair

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

His expertise is in kinky, rough sex. He hasn't been opposed to taking things slower though. You would really need to be on his good side if you want anything close to romantic

J = Jack off (Masturbation Headcanon)

He does it a lot and he's a little sick of it; he would much rather be with someone and have them get him off

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Biting, knife play, temperature play. If you can think of something kinky, there's a 98% chance he's into it

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

In the back of the adult store you find him at. He's not picky, he'll fuck anywhere, but this is just his favorite place

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

If you do anything remotely suggestive, even if its on accident, he'll get turned on. It can be from simply bending over, to intentionally grinding up on him

N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

This man is into a lot of stuff... but piss and scat is just not it. Dont ask him to do it because even he will give you some weird looks

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He has a preference in receiving. He's fine with eating someone out but when it comes to giving a blowjob, he could use some practice

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Somewhat fast and very rough. Its guaranteed that you'll have a mark of some kind on your body

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He only has quickies when he's been pent up for a while (which is rare). Foreplay is something he loves more than anything

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Dylan is always experimenting and trying out new things to do on his partners. He also doesn't mind someone experimenting on him, although he does complain if he gets hurt too much

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

He can go pretty much all day, but has to take breaks in between rounds

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Of course he has them. Too many, to be exact. Dylan mostly uses them on his partners but still uses them on himself

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

He absolutely hates being teased, but doesn't mind teasing others

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's very loud; Not only that but his voice can go up high, giving him an occasional voice crack

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)

The reason he's not so great at giving head is because of his pointed teeth and horrible gag reflex. Not many people wanna be around his teeth, let alone stick their dick in his mouth

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His body is very conflicting; at first glance you'd think he'd be a skinny twink but he's actually got muscle..even if its just slightly. His dick is just an average 5 inches

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Too high. He is hypersexual

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Dylan doesn't really fall asleep after sex. Typically that only happens when he's worn-out from being a sub; that being said, he's still a heavy sleeper and you'll have to shake him if you want him to wake up early

Anyway I know 90% of my followers are here for the anime, sorry 'bout that. Dylan Fuentes is just my current obsession

[acespec-ed]

hi!! I was wondering if u could help me? I’m alloaro and I just discovered the term aromid… and it makes me question myself. I’m very unsure if I’m on the asexual spectrum or if I just experience sex repulsion sometimes? I’ve looked at so many acespec labels and cannot find one that actually fits me. literally I’ve seen them all. I haven’t really felt comfortable calling myself ace and I do enjoy saying I’m alloaro but I wonder if I’m actually on the ace spectrum as well… how do I differentiate between sex repulsion and asexuality? For one, I’m hypersexual and feel the need/pressure to be sexual or I’m not good enough… and I do want sex I think? I fantasize about it and I enjoy smut and some art .. but when I visually see nakedness or irl sex… it makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy that. I enjoy the thoughts and fiction and when people are only partially clothed…. but I just have this feeling of repulsion and fear of actually doing it irl (what if I hate it and it makes me uncomfortable?) and when I think about it I do imagine myself and this other person but it’s also hard to actually see us and not just faceless non existing people… and idk how much of me wanting sex is just pressure from hypersexuality or me genuinely having sexual attraction … idk if I really have much of a libido or want for sex?? would I be able to call myself alloaro AND aromid.. as in I’m alloaro but possibly SOMEWHERE on the ace spectrum?.. or maybe I’m just sex repulsed and fully not ace at all? I feel like my situation here makes me unable to call myself alloaro but I AM alloaro and I love being alloaro… I don’t wanna stop saying I am but it also feels like there’s more to it?

same anon from before! I read a post of yours about the umm “allos see ‘cake’ and immediately know they want to eat it” and it confuses me … idk what I experience? I see fictional characters and I can go “they look sexy I am attracted to them maybe if want to have sex with them?” I see people and ??? idk sometimes I get unwanted thoughts of having sex with friends when I don’t actually want to or find attractive…I can see people and think they’re sexy/attractive .. but idk if I’d think “yeah I’d have sex with them” I mean it depends bc I think someone can imagine having sex with someone and enjoy it and want it but would they actually wanna seriously have sex with that stranger without having any connection with them…? Sex is scary so I’d need to know and trust them maybe��� be scared to show my body..but I don’t think I’d be comfortable calling myself demi? Idk I don’t get this .. do I look at someone and immediately think whether I’d want to have sex with them or not? I really don’t know … also.. so…. Libido is just wanting sex in general and sexual attraction is wanting specific people?… how do I differentiate all of this it’s so confusing! I guess MAYBE I do look at peopl and go “wow they’re pretty/sexy id want sex” BUT I DONT KNOW LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT… am I not allo WHATS going on here .. can you explain what it would be like to be sex repulsed AND allo instead of ace? and the difference between that and being ace and sex repulsed? thank u

~~

I’m so sorry I’m saying so much I just have no one to talk to :C … but um… someone told me “if you’re sex repulsed .. you’re still allo unless you feel like u don’t relate to being allo anymore” and I’m honestly so confused because…. do my weird feelings towards sex influence my sexuality? do I still feel connected to being allo? personally I feel like these feelings are ones allo people don’t typically have ..plus I’ve always felt bad for not being sexual enough or feeling the same sexual feelings as people/ (also why do I have sex repulsion I don’t think I rlly had much sexual trauma going on.. some little incidents but still??) and if I told allo people these feelings… they would not relate and would think I’m weird for it ..but an ace person might relate and would understand … I feel like it does influence how I see my sexuality/attraction and complicates things…however.. I feel like I can’t call myself acespec bc often I want sex (even with a specific person.. although they look different when I imagine them and also don’t exactly have a Look/face/body in my head..same with me) often and I’m hypersexual so I like over sexualizing myself …plus I like saying I’m alloaro and don’t want to let go of it… nor do I want to ID with a specific ace spec label.. I’d like to just say I’m ace (just like how I call myself aromantic even when I’m specifically gray romantic) why can’t I just be ace and not ace at the same time or in between I don’t know 😭…. what do allos experience how is their life like with sexual attraction and how is someone’s life like without sexual attraction … I don’t get it at alllllll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw you sent three asks and decided to combine them all in this post to make answering this easier. Just reading these asks are making my head spin, so I can only imagine how confused you must feel. And it's fine that you're sending so many asks- I know what it's like to have no one to talk to about things.

I'll start this off by saying you can call yourself whatever you feel most comfortable calling yourself. And if it's alloaro, then of course you can keep calling yourself alloaro. You do sound like you could fit somewhere on the ace spectrum, but I couldn't tell you where.

A lot of what I'm about to say you might already know, since it sounds like you've been doing your own bit of research, but here I go.

Whether or not you desire sex on its own doesn't determine if you're asexual. If you've never felt any urges to have sex with anyone specific, then you haven't experienced sexual attraction. So it's helpful to remove your interest in sex itself, along with libido, when questioning. Focus it all on if you've wanted sex with anyone in particular. If the answer is no, or very rarely, it's likely you could be on the asexual spectrum. You mentioned you've experienced it towards someone specific, so it sounds to me like you'd be in the gray area, if on it at all.

I will say, it is totally normal to be nervous, and even scared, of having sex at first. A lot of allos are able to get over this fear- possibly because of sexual attraction. I first felt sexual attraction towards my boyfriend, and though I was repulsed, I wanted to do sexual things with him so bad I was able to get over the fear and disgust through slow exposure. So I think sexual attraction on its own is a huge motivator to "get over" sex repulsion and go for it.

Of course, you should never do anything you are not comfortable doing. And never force yourself into doing any sexual activities. A lot of aces have ended up with trauma over that sort of thing. The reason I went for it was because I naturally became comfortable with things escalating as time went on. Kinda like exposure therapy, I guess.

I'm not sure if you already saw it, but I did write this post on an experience I had where I was sex-repulsed by someone I was sexually attracted to. So it is possible to be sex-repulsed and sexually attracted to a person, but I understand how hard it can be to tell for sure.

I can't tell you what it's like to be allo. But other than the few times I've experienced sexual attraction, I lived my life with a libido directed towards no one, fluctuating between being sex-indifferent and repulsed, and occasionally getting a crush I had no sexual attraction towards. 

As for what it’s like being sex-repulsed and ace: I can’t imagine having sex with anyone. I just can’t. Every time I get a crush, I try to imagine sex with them, and my brain just shuts that off. It wants nothing to do with those thoughts. Sex-repulsed with sexual attraction: It’s only happened twice and the first time (with my bf) I had no idea wtf was going on and it was 10 years ago so I can’t remember enough to tell you aside from what I’ve already said. The other time though, I wasn’t 100% sure if it was sexual attraction at first- but my body became aroused at the sight of him, and the arousal went away when he left. But when I thought of sex with him, I was grossed out. But I kept forcing myself to think of sex with him, and grew more comfortable with the idea. And the more I thought about it, the more I figured, “hey, maybe I am sexually attracted to him.” 

Every person is different though.

I can totally understand your confusion because some of your experiences sound like you’re allo and some sound like you could be acespec. I honestly don’t know what else to say or what answers to give. I will say this though: I strongly doubt any allo has had to question their allosexuality as much as you are.

But circling back to what I first said: you can label yourself as whatever you feel most comfortable with. It’s okay if you don’t fit the exact definitions of an identity 100%. Every person is different, even those sharing the same label. And if you decide your experiences are just too complicated for a label, you don’t need one either. 

Sorry if this was all over the place, but I hope it was somewhat helpful!

[patchoulimademoiselle]

Bat Shit Crazy (Part 1)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 5.6k

Warnings: language, sub/dom dynamic, large age gap, smut, choking kink, violence/fighting, injuries/blood, hypersexual reader, mentions of death? 

Summary: Bucky is back from a mission he was sent on without you. He works hard to get you back on your routine. 

Notes: This fic is dark, and it only gets darker. This is more Winter Soldier Bucky in terms of behavioral traits and dynamics with other characters. This is not a soft lovey dovey style fic, and if that bothers you DO NOT READ. 

Masterlist

Part One:

The night is young, the summer air is humid, you've swapped out your jeans for a pair of fray end shorts, tennis shoes scuffing against the pavement as you shuffle your feet, waiting.

You've been craving a bit of freedom, some wind in your hair, something intoxicating in your system, and that led you right to Tony Stark. You batted your eyelashes the best you could, pretty please, can we borrow your car for the night? Honestly, you don't have a plan. All you know is that you feel suffocated sitting around on base. You feel old, tired, missing and craving the feeling of adrenaline in your veins.  

So as soon as the jet returns to HQ, you're grabbing Bucky by the collar of his shirt and dragging him out to the sight of a bright orange Audi that makes him groan in disbelief. A knowing look graces his features, and he almost feels bad for the guy. Because if there's anything you're good at, it's getting your way, and Bucky had basically signed himself up for it. But Stark? He had no idea what you were truly capable of.

"I'm not going to ask how you managed to get it," He says, hand catching your waist and pulling you to stop before you can get inside, "But I am going to ask, where are we going?"

He's still in his tactical gear, a gun on his hip, dirt and blood smeared across his skin, he smells like gun powder and sweat, and you can't resist the urge to just kiss him. So you do, hands in his hair, pulling him down into a searing kiss that pulls a strangled sound from the back of his throat. He hasn't seen you in days, and he's more exhausted than he's used to being. But he can tell you're restless, the chaos in your bones convincing you to basically seduce Stark and take his car to do who knows what in the cover of night. He's just glad that you decided to bring him along.

"For a ride." Is all you offer, letting him hike your leg up around his waist. "I missed you."

"I know." His voice sounds wrecked, laced with exhaustion and arousal, and you almost feel bad for keeping him up even longer, because who knows what he just came back from. But you're too excited to turn back now, dangling the keys in front of his face, his grin just as wicked as yours as he kisses you one last time.

"I want to go first, you can drive on the way back."

When you get in the drivers seat and press the button to start the engine, you get why people collect cars like this. The feeling of power, the sense of danger, it's intoxicating, and you start to feel a little breathless when you rev the engine.

Bucky can see it click in your head, he can see the exact moment that you decide that this might be taking it too far.  

There's a wicked glint in your eyes when you turn to look at him. "Oh," You laugh, "I've created a monster."

His eyebrows furrow, fingers wrapping around your wrist to pull you away from the wheel, half bent over the console. "I would prefer it if you didn't get us both killed, so you take it easy, understand?" Because he knows. He knows you could say fuck it all just for the thrill of it.

You click your tongue, "You're no fun." You pout, watching as his eye twitches, a weakness, "But that's okay. I'm sure you'll figure out how to make it up to me."

He smiles at that, and you aren't sure if it's pride or love that has him grabbing your chin and forcing you to look in his eyes. You're a smart mouthed fool, and he knows that you probably got most of your attitude from him. "What am I going to do with you?"

"You can start with fucking me on every surface of this car before we give it back tomorrow morning."

He hums, kissing you once, twice, unable to pull away because he likes the look in your eyes, he likes that you're this comfortable with him, young and wild and trusting him not to judge you. It's harmless fun, he understands, the tedious schedule you follow everyday is eating away at your youth. So he indulges you, letting you put the windows down and drive just a little more recklessly than he should.

The shriek of laughter that comes from your throat is worth the risk, his hand gripping your thigh, watching as you change your grip on the steering wheel. The wind blows your hair, flushes your cheeks, and its a reflex more than anything else when he fishes his phone out to take a picture of you.

This is what you both live for. Moments like this where nothing else matters. You have each other, you've found a perfect medium between work and play, and it works out better than you could have ever imagined.

Keeping up with you is like pulling teeth sometimes, because Bucky just doesn't care as much as you do. He figured that you would be better suited with someone who is equally as high maintenance as you, someone like Tony Stark. The expensive taste and busy schedule could only be understood by someone who lives that lifestyle.

But behind the perfume and lip gloss, beneath the eyelash extensions and layers of designer clothing, chaos awaits. It makes you reckless.

You're hot headed, quick to pull a trigger and abuse your power before the chance can be taken from you. Steve had tried to train you first, but all attempts made to domesticate you failed, the restlessness within you wired deep within your bones, and so you were passed on to Bucky. Because there's a part of Bucky that craves chaos just like you do, the only difference is that he's learned to control it rather than have it control him. You were pushed right into his arms, and it was only a matter of time before he left and impression on you.

The devilment you shared made him putty in your hands. He saw himself in you, a pretty head plagued with torturous thoughts, a pretty girl ruined by this job, and so he trained you accordingly. He told you that there was a trick to it, that he never learned to tame the darkness within him, he just learned to suppress and channel it at the right time, finding constructive outlets rather than being a fucking brat all the time. He could actually handle you, and love hit you hard. You've been inseparable ever since.

Steve was concerned with how quickly your relationship developed, Tony called you both crazy, and Natasha, she may or may not be a bad influence on you. You're a killer, he's a killer, it's like you were made for each other.

But that part of you never went away, and it's times like these that it starts to become a test of his patience.

Eventually, you find yourself at a park, and Bucky is beyond confused when you park the car and actually turn it off. You meant it when you said you just wanted to go for a drive. It's too late to find anything open, he's too tired to go too far, and you would rather sit and star gaze with him rather than do anything to piss him off.

But first, he fucks you. Hard. On every surface, just like you asked. He pulls you over the console, flips your shirt up and presses your tits against the dash, fucking up into you with a strength that you realize you've missed these past three days. Then he gets out, an arm secured around your waist to hold you up as he rounds the car and places you on the hood, palms flat against the polished paint as he continues to fuck you.

It's obscene, your body caving under his weight, cheek pressed flat against the cool metal when he grips the back of your neck, arching you against him further. God, he missed you. You take him so well, always such a good girl for him, and he tells you that, lips pressed against your ear as he grinds his cock into you, and the only response you can give is a moan.

Then he's in the front seat, hands tight on your hips as you ride him, and you could have sworn the car seemed bigger until you found yourself in this position, back arched against the wheel so that you don't hit your head.

He forces you to look him in the eyes, grabbing your throat and tilting your head up, leaving you to find your own rhythm. The muscles in his arm strain at the restraint, because you slow down to a teasing pace, the look in his eyes becoming dangerous as you test his patience, and it doesn't take long for him to grab you up and turn you around, pushing the seat back as far as it goes and pounding you against the soft leather. He's relentless, hips slapping against your ass at a speed that your brain can't keep up with, and you're coming before your body has a chance to warn you.

He comes inside of you soon after, locking your body to his as if you'll disappear, and it makes you wonder what happened while he was gone.

You pull a bottle of liquor from the glove box, he pulls your shorts back up, and together you deposit your tired bodies on the swing set a few feet away. He tells you everything, sharing swigs of whiskey, eyes dancing between you and the night sky above you.

It was supposed to be recon, supposed to be a simple in and out. But Steve fucked up, stepped on a trip wire and gave them away. They had to fight their way out, didn't even get any intel besides the fact that whoever the fuck it was knew that they were coming. Or at least, they were expecting someone to come eventually.

It makes you wish you were there, because Steve wouldn't have been able to fuck up, it's you who goes out on those types of missions with Bucky. You two just work better together, something that maybe now Steve Rogers might finally come to understand. But you were told, more like ordered to sit this one out, and neither of you say it, but you both register at the same time that it was a mistake.

You drink more than you should, the bottle half empty by the time he decides to cut you off. But you don't let it ruin your fun, kicking your legs as hard as you can, the swing lifting higher than the bars that hold it, and for a moment it feels like you're flying before gravity takes over and yanks you back down. But Bucky doesn't let you jostle yourself around too much, arm reaching out to grab the chain of your swing, slowing your speed.

"We shouldn't stay out long." He says. "We need to get up early." You raise an eyebrow in question, he does the same. "Don't act brand new. You do this every time I leave. You fall off your routine and we have to work twice as hard for a couple days to get you back on it."

It makes you groan, makes him grab you by the arm and pull you to sit on his lap, kissing your cheek when you lean your head back against his shoulder.

You don't say anything, because there isn't anything else to say. He's back, he's here with you again and you couldn't ask for anything more than that.

But he seems to have too much on his mind, taking swig after swig until the bottle is empty and there's nothing left to distract him. "Don't do this again." He says. "I'll buy you a car if that's what you want, but don't you ever run to another man before coming to me." You aren't sure if this is an insecurity, or if he's simply being possessive, but either way you take too long to respond, his hands clamping down on your thighs in a grip that has you arching up off his lap to relieve the pressure. "Do you understand me?"

"Yes, fuck."

"Good." He kisses the corner of your mouth this time, smoothing his palms against your skin to soothe the ache he's caused. "Where did you get these shorts from?"

"College."

Your response raises a question in his head, how can you still fit them? But he realizes immediately that college was only a year ago for you, a harsh reminder of your age compared to his, and he simply hums in reply.

The air grows too cold for you to handle, shivering in his arms despite the warmth running through your veins, and he makes the call to wrap it up. But not before he kisses you first, turning you around on his lap and tugging you against his lips by a harsh grip in your hair. You don't get to have many moments like these, so you cherish it, kissing him as long as he needs you to, enjoying the chill that snakes up your spine when his hands round your ass and deposit under your thighs, hoisting you up.

He settles you in the passenger seat, eager for his turn at driving the car, and you could care less given your sudden exhaustion. You admire the way he looks, jaw clenched, muscles taught, arm flexing as he palms the steering wheel, a hand on your head rest as he glances back to reverse the car. His hair is loose for a change, framing his face and whipping back and forth each time he turns his head.

He could use a trim, but you know he'll never let you.

He doesn't lose his mind driving like you did, remaining at a reasonable speed, turning on the radio to keep his mind busy since you aren't doing much entertaining. He doesn't blame you, he's tired too, and you had been waiting up to greet him when he got back.

You start to doze off, the blur of lights and buildings putting your mind at ease. It's not until Bucky's hands are on you again that you realize you fell asleep, which is a bummer, because you won't have this car again come noon.

"I want you to get me pregnant in this car."

He snorts, ignoring your antics entirely, reaching over to unfasten your seatbelt.

He tries to carry you, but you don't let him, settling for holding his hand instead. The compound is quiet except for the sound of the tv on low in the common room, Clint passed out on the couch, the movie he had been watching probably long gone off by now.

It makes you smile, stopping to place a blanket on him. He doesn't move a muscle, and Bucky grows impatient waiting for you, so you carry on. In the privacy in your room, you step your way out of your shoes and kick them into the corner by the door, then you help him out of his gear.

You find a stab wound on his stomach, it's long stopped bleeding by now, not at all infected, and it's already starting to heal. He says nothing, your warm fingers brushing his skin and something domestic washes over you both. It's something soft and unspoken, something the lines of I'm glad your safe.

The tile on the floor is cold beneath your feet, you lead him into the bathroom and run a bath for him, despite his protests of you being too tired. You watch as the water turns milky with dirt and blood, fingertips against his scalp as you clean his hair. It's a side of you that he doesn't see too often, a softer side that you bury under attitude and attention seeking mischief, and at this point he doesn't know which version of you he appreciates more.

You lather a sponge with body wash, a cedar scent you learned to love on him, and you wash him gently, carefully, mindful of his bruising. His wet hands are on your face, pulling you in for an occasional kiss, and it seems that he just can't keep his hands off of you.

He fucks you again, but it's different this time, softer, slower, his eyes locked on yours, fingers gentle just like you were for him, and you feel it in your heart when he tells you he loves you. He fucks you to sleep and tucks you into bed, limbs tangled with yours to keep you close.

He'll never bring it up, but he wasn't sure if he would make it back to you this time. He sleeps better than he had in days knowing that you're close.

It makes getting you up in the next morning is hard. You're a heavy sleeper, something Bucky was always thankful for on nights where he struggled to settle beside you. But when it's time to wake you up, he curses your ability to still sleep soundly like a baby after all the things you've seen, he envies it. He wants to let you sleep in, he wants to stay in bed with you, holding you, because who knows if he'll ever be able to do it again.

But he has to keep things normal. He has to keep you on your routine, otherwise you'll give in to your madness.

You think you're dreaming it, his hands on your side, his lips on the side of your face. You just can't bring yourself to open your eyes, exhaustion keeping it's hold on you. But Bucky is determined, a bit rough as he tugs you to lay on your back, your eyes flying open at being jostled, and he doesn't look apologetic as he smiles down at you.

"Hey, peach." He kisses you quickly, leaving nothing to soothe you back to sleep. "Time to get up."

His voice is hoarse, you realize, he's tired, too tired for your liking, and you wonder how long he's been up.

"A few more minutes?" You pout, curling your body around his, and you can tell he's on the verge of saying yes. "Please?"

But his will is far too strong. "You need to get up." He says, "Now."

And just like that, you're pissed, a sour attitude shifting your expression entirely, and he could care less, standing up to give you room to move. You have a dull headache, a hangover no doubt, but you ignore it as you dig through your dresser for workout clothes to change into.

He shakes his head at you, sensing your attitude, but he doesn't say a word as you stomp your way over to the door, pulling it open hard enough to bang against the wall. It's okay, he knows what you need, and he's been itching to give it to you.

When it comes to training, Bucky tends to be harsher on you, because he knows you can take it. It's the textbook definition of tough love, pushing you beyond your limits to make you better. It's the kind of training that leaves you sore and exhausted and covered in bruises, busted lips, black eyes, you aren't new to any of it. In fact, you're used to the feeling, and that's something most people would find scary. But you need it to stay sane, a distraction from everything else. You like when he pushes you beyond your limits.

You warm up with a jog around the compound grounds, the sun hasn't come up yet, the air crisp and cool and burning your lungs with each inhale you take. He reminds you to breathe slowly, in your nose and out your mouth in pace with each foot fall. He quickly realizes that your endurance has fallen low, his hand on your back to push you to run faster.

He doesn't take it easy on you, not even when you collapse into the ground, your body forcing you to take a break from running.

"Get up."

Your lungs burn, your face is hot, your legs are jelly, you shake your head.

"Look at you, you can't even speak and you have to nerve to slack off." He glares down at you, hands on his hips. "Get the fuck up before I drag you across the concrete."

His threat is very real, so you struggle to rise back to your feet. He continues on, super soldier stamina has him not even breaking a sweat, and you curse the cheating serum coursing through his veins.

"You're cheating, you have an advantage." You pant, fingers barely catching his arm to try and keep up. "I can't go as fast as you for that long."

He slows just a little, your hand wrapping around his bicep. "Which is why I push you. Your muscles won't ever grow past the strain if you don't experience it." He says. "Shape up, we're almost done."

He allows you a five minute break, which you spend chugging as much water as he'll let you have, laying on the floor of the gym to try and catch your break and give your muscles a break.

He starts you on the treadmill, pushing up the incline every ten minutes, and you can feel the strain it's putting you under. You haven't done this in days, and the alcohol that remains in your system doesn't help. You're just thankful that no one else is in the gym to witness your struggle.

Next is ab workouts, he joins you for this one, side by side on the mat as he walks you through each exercise. He flies through them with ease, hardly breaking a sweat. But you on the other hand feel winded, muscles aching as you use them beyond what you have been. He watches, carefully, a knowing look on his face when you start to lose your speed, but he doesn't let you stop.

This is what you need. An outlet, something to exhaust your energy and take the edge off. For the most part it helps. But there's only so much he can do to keep you occupied, so when he has you here in the gym, he makes it count.

He has you on weights, which turns your body numb, and you aren't sure what kind of damage it's doing, but you know that you'll be sore for the next couple of days.

He lets you take a break after an hour, you drink as much water as you can, eager to be away from his scrutinizing gaze, and you find Natasha returning from a morning run with Steve. They look like they haven't done anything a all, but the smell of outside and sweat tells you otherwise.

Natasha has the nerve to smile at you, recognizing the winded look on your face, and she settles next to you in the kitchen, hand on her hip as she drinks from a water bottle.

"I tried to warn you," She says, "He's kicking your ass, isn't he?"

She did try, you'll give her the credit, knocking on your door every day he was gone to at least get you to come out for a jog. But you refused, anticipating this intensity, and while you'll never admit that to her, she assumes you enjoy the torture.

"It's embarrassing." You say. "Even after all this time, he can wipe the floor with me if he wanted to."

She laughs at that, a twinkle in her eye that hints at the history she shares with him. "Yeah. You and me both." Her smile is far from innocent. "But I'm sure you give him a run for his money."

Your grin is wicked, "You can bet your perky little ass I do."

Your relationship with Natasha is complicated. Sometimes she's the older sister you always wished you had. Other times she's the extravagant aunt who teaches you the life lessons your mother was too modest to. Then sometimes, it's hard to tell, she's just an attractive woman admiring another attractive woman, someone with experience gravitating to someone who doesn't, because it's in her nature to enjoy the power play. If you had to guess, Natasha would bend you over the counter if she had the opportunity, just like anyone else living here in the compound. But she respects your privacy, respects the strange relationship you have with a man who is just as deadly as she is, and settles for the mischief you create together instead.

It's fun to feed into it, you always had a knack for sticking your fingers into flames, and sometimes you hold it over Bucky's head. Like last night, you didn't tell him what you did to convince Tony to let you borrow his car, but it's implied in your nature. You tend to be a bit hyper sexual, another trait that sometimes proves to be a pain in the ass. But Bucky has something to handle that too, and sometimes, at times like this, he lets you off your tight leash.

"Who's ass is perky?" He had been watching, of course he had, and the look on Natasha's face tells you that she knew it too.

"Depends on who you ask." You quip, flashing him an innocent smile. "Yours is, mine is, and hers," You spare a glance at Natasha, "Well, you would know, wouldn't you?"

He rolls his eyes, because you already know the answer to what you're implying. Nothing ever happened between him an Natasha. If anything were to happen, it would have been long ago, before they had both reformed themselves into the people they are now. He told you that, confessed his entire life to you, so he knows this is just your way of trying to get him worked up.

"Don't drag me into this." Natasha waves a finger between you both. "Whatever this is, I want no part." Her eyes settle on you. "I also suggest you cool it, because I'm joining you, and I don't want to be forced around awkward sexual tension."

You look at Bucky, raising an eyebrow. He only shrugs. "Steve too." He says. "I figured you needed a change in pace, you're too used to me now, you could use a different perspective."

Your break is obviously over, Natasha follows you as you walk out of the kitchen. "Yeah," She says. "Perspective."

The mood changes drastically, all playfulness gone from her when you step on the sparing mat together. To put it simply, she kicks your ass. You put up a good fight though, you actually managed to make her bleed, but in the end, she's too on top of her training schedule for you to find a weakness. That's the point Bucky was trying to make to you. You know him and his tactics, you know how hard he hits, you know where he'll strike, all you have to do is avoid it and expect it. But with an opponent you've never faced before, you're far too weak at the moment to properly defend yourself.

The next time you hit the mat is your last, nose colliding with the floor, blood gushing, a grunt coming from you that actually manages to distract your boyfriend who stands feet away, sparing with Steve.

You pinch your nose like you've been taught, instantly feeling that it isn't broken, and Natasha has helped you up by the time Bucky makes his way over.

He's actually sweating, panting hard as he takes your chin in his hand, examining your face. "You'll be fine." He says, glancing at Natasha. He nods to her, and you aren't sure what it is, approval, dismissal? "Hit the showers." He says to you, "You're done for now."

For now, there will be more later after lunch you're sure. You leave with Natasha, who reminds you to keep your head tilted, her arm linked with yours as she walks with you to the infirmary. The nurse on duty clogs your nose with gauze, telling you what you already know. It's not broken, but it will be bruised, and after the bleeding stops you need to rinse your nose clear of the blood. Until then, breathe out your mouth, and be cautious of blood that may trickle to the back of your throat.

"Want to step out with me?" Natasha meets you back in the kitchen after you both shower, her hair dark and dripping, and for a moment you think she's kidding.

Your body is starting to bruise, knuckles scraped and angry, nose bloody. But she simply stares at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

"Okay."

You take her Camero, she lets you drive, and it turns out it's just a grocery run. She wants to cook lunch, macaroni salad, and you both do a bit of personal shopping while you're out. After getting the ingredients, you both occupy the kitchen to make it. It doesn't take too long, but the serving size is large considering how many people will want to eat it.

Tony comes to find you in search of food, and he asks you about his car, a strange smell that he can't quite place. Liquor, sex, sweat? It could be anything, but you decide to play dumb instead, biting your tongue as you smile at him and suggest he go get it detailed.

While the macaroni chills in the fridge, Bucky comes to find you carrying fresh gauze and an alcohol wipe. He gives you his protein shake, chocolate flavored, and you sip from it eagerly. His hands are gentle as he pulls the blood soaked gauze from your nose and you take a deep breath, feeling the dried blood and soreness from the impact.

He applies pressure to the bridge of your nose, stopping when you wince, humming low in his throat as he leans down to kiss you. "It'll be a nasty bruise," He says, "But you deserve it, you fucking brat."

You imagine his opinion will change when the skin on your nose starts to discolor, but for now, he feels proud of himself. You let him have it.

He wipes your nose gently, hand on your throat to tilt your head back, he points the corners of the alcohol wipe and wipes the inside of your nose, eyebrows knit in concentration, and you take the opportunity to feel him up.

Your hands slide under his shirt, the skin is smooth where his stab wound was last night, and once again you're amazed by his abilities. "Did you have fun beating up someone other than me for once?"

His lip quirks up in a half smile, "Nah." He says. "It's not as satisfying."

You smile despite yourself, wrapping your arms around his waist. "What about you?" He asks. "Did you find anything interesting while your head was up Nat's ass?"

"Jealous?"

His grip on your throat shifts, "If I were, this would be a very different situation for you."

He knows you're his, there's nothing to argue, nothing to worry about, even if the entire compound wants to rearrange your guts. A pretty young thing like you, he doesn't blame them. But they wouldn't be able to handle you, you wouldn't enjoy it, and it would send you right back to him.

You both know it.

"You're so scary." You kiss him then, silencing whatever remark he had for you, eyes slipping closed as he tilts his head against yours, cautious of your nose. He tastes like chocolate, and sweat, slipping from your arms to take a shower.

When he returns, the salad has cooled enough to eat, and naturally, Clint already has a mouthful before anyone else can get their hands on it. He too has just returns from a workout, his sweats drenched, Bucky crinkles his nose, scowls at the amount of people occupying the kitchen and opts for lurking in the hall, watching as you portion out bowls for everyone, including him.

He's amazed at your cooking skills, the two of you tucked away out back with bowls of macaroni salad, enjoying the breeze in the shade. You beam at his praise, smiling over a mouthful of food, but it doesn't last long, his finger reaching out to poke your noise.

Don't look too proud of yourself, he says, this isn't approved in your diet plan.

Yeah well, screw him and the diet plan.

He makes you run after lunch, a water bottle in your hand because he isn't going to let you stop for breaks, the only water you can have is what you can hold.

It's cruel, the sun high in the sky and beating down on you with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe, let alone run. But you manage, a familiar exhaustion washing over you as you push your body for the third time today.

He makes you a protein shake, joins you for your second shower of the day, and then he drags you to bed.

"All your hard work means nothing if you don't give yourself a chance to recover." He whispers in your ear, lips pressed to your skin, his arm cold against your side when he spoons you. "I know you're tired, peach. You did good today, now rest."

It makes it all worth it, the torture of exercise, the agonizing exhaustion he puts you through. Getting to lay here like this, the comfort of his closeness, a vulnerability that only you have been allowed to see.

You turn, sealing your lips against his in a sloppy kiss, one that has no real effort behind it but has all the desperation in the world. It makes his grip tighten at your waist, his other hand slipping down to yank your panties to the side.

"Okay, you can sleep after this."

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Masterlist

Like, Reblog, Share. It helps out a lot, thanks :)

[morgana-ren]

why do asexuals always make it about themselves

Most asexuals I know are actually really laid back and chill and tend to not really care when folks are sexual. As long as I don’t get super gross or personal, they just sit back and giggle at my ridiculousness. I haven’t known many to get snippy or angry about anything so long as it doesn’t get nasty and uncomfortable, but most folks get a lil squeamish when it comes to that.

If you’re referring to the previous post with someone believing Shig-man would be grossed out with horny folk, it’s cause a lot of people tend to project onto their favorite character. An asexual person might headcanon him as asexual as well, and a bisexual as bisexual and so on and so forth. We might identify with the parts of that character that we see in ourselves, or use them as a comfort character, or maybe that’s just the vibe we get.

Its totally okay to headcanon! If you want Shiggy boy to be asexual, more power to you! If you want him to be pansexual, more power to you! Same with everything else! That’s more than okay! Just respect your fellow fandom folks and let them have theirs as well lmao fighting folks over headcanons gets absolutely nowhere. No one has a monopoly on a character, you feel?

Personally, I’m only hypersexual when it comes to very specific characters, so that’s kinda how I like to picture him. You would be very hard pressed to find me sexual with a living, breathing human. Kinda like the post said, I cope with my bollocks by being hypersexual with a person I love (except the person is fictional lmao) so that’s why all my stories are nasty McGee.

[headfull0fmaggots]

Adrien Redford NSFW alphabet hcs

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Adrien doesn't do aftercare. He mostly passes straight out after sex if it's really good, other than that he's likely to go to other things after he's done fucking. If he conks out, you can probably get him to cuddle with you in his dazed, tired state. Fair warning he will keep you in an iron grip while he sleeps so good luck getting out of it until he's awake.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Adrien loves a lot about himself but he really loves his arms and thighs because they're so big and muscular. On his partner, he likes their ass a lot. He is a huge ass man and he will love his partners ass no matter the shape or size.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Adrien fucking loves cum so much he wants cum on and in him. He loves receiving and giving creampies because he loves the feeling or seeing the cum drip out. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Adrien doesn't have a lot of dirty secrets, he's shameless so there's not a lot he's embarrassed about but back when he was younger. He got caught fucking his neighbors wife and had to run out of the house with his pants down to his ankles before he fell and scraped his dick on the sidewalk. He had to have someone apply ointment to his wounded dick.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Adrien has been with a lot of partners throughout the years so he has a lot of experience. He has so many fuck buddies he loses track of all his buddies and one night stands he's had. Has quite a high body count.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Adrien likes getting hit and hitting it from behind, so doggstyle is his favorite position. He prefers positions where someone is getting fucked from behind. However, missionary style makes him blush like a schoolgirl girl and is super weak in that position so if someone wants to make him putty in their hands, they're have to wrangle him on his back because he will put up a fight.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Adrien is 50/50 with being serious and being goofy during sex, it really depends on out pent up he is. If he's pent up and angry he will be very serious. But if he's been getting it a lot or is chill he'll definitely throw a joke around or just be a goof naturally. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Adrien keeps himself groomed but prefers to have hair because he is a very hair guy so there is gonna be a nice happy trail. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Adrien doesn't really feel love, or at least a healthy version of love. So he's not very intimate, he is very focus on pleasure than emotions and feelings of sex. He gets possessive and marks his partner if he's been jealous but there will hardly ever be intimacy unless that person was very very special but even then it's not much other than some gentle kisses and slightly less rough sex.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Adrien jacks off quite frequently. When he's not fucking, he is jerking off so much. If he's not fucking for awhile, he jerks off several times a day almost every day a week. He's just a super horny guy.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Voyeurism 

Blood Kink

Public Sex

Slapping/Fighting/Violence

Sexting

Voice Kink

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Adrien is down to fuck anywhere at anytime. He likes fucking in public places where they might be caught or in front of windows where someone could see him getting fucked. He likes doing it in or on cars too. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Really anything can get him going. He's a super hypersexual man so he's ready to fuck whenever they are. However, voices really get him turned on, especially deep voices get him super hard like it's nothing. Also teasing him in public will drive him crazy and make him want to fuck his partner until they can't walk. Or, if you have the guts and the willpower, ignore him. Something about getting ignored and not being able to get attention from someone will drive him crazy and hard as a rock.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Adrien isn't turned off by much and will try anything once but he will say no too scat, feeder/food play, vomit and genital torture.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Before Adrien met Keone, he never liked giving head and only enjoyed receiving. However, after meeting Keke, he will eat someone out likes its his last meal. He wants to be facefucked until his throat hurts or have someone sit on his face and suffocate him with their pussy. He loves giving now and also likes to eat ass too.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Adrien likes it hard and fast. Nothing will ever be slow and soft with him, he enjoys being rammed into hard or fucking someone so hard they can't walk for weeks.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Adrien loves quickies, especially if it's a quickie in a public place. He wants it then and now so quickies are his absolute favorite.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Oh god yes, Adrien is all about taking risks and experimenting. Sex with Adrien will almost always be risky, nowhere is safe or sacred with him around. His partner will be fingered under the table or Adrien will blow his partner in an alleyway behind a restaurant. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Adrien can go many rounds and last for a long time. He can go for 3 rounds or even more if he's real pent up. His partner will be constantly worn out with him around.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Adrien doesn't mind toys being used on him, if anything he encourages his partner to use them. Adrien would love to be tied up with a vibrator in him and let in that position to his partner's mercy. He might use some on his partner too if they really want it. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Adrien is a huge tease, he will tease his partner until they have to physically shut him the fuck up. It's almost non-stop teasing with this bratty asshole.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Adrien is extremely loud, he almost sounds like a pornstar when he moans and grunts. Adrien isn't ashamed to make noise so he's gonna let loose and make as much noise as he wants. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Adrien is extremely nasty for several reasons. One of them being if his partners leaves their underwear at his place. Adrien will try to cram himself in those undies and jerk off in them with video/picture evidence of him doing it to his partner. Will spam them with content of him jerking off in their undergarments.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Adrien has a giant cock. A real fucking donger on him. He's reaching about 8 inches and pretty thick. He has piercings on his cock which is a Frenum.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very high. This man is literally horny 24/7 and is constantly wanting to fuck.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Adrien will usually be dazed and sleepy after sex so he will often conk out right after fucking because he likes to fuck until he exhausts all his energy.

[sortagaysortahigh]

So like not to be a pussy about equality or anything but deadass Sarah has had more sex scenes than anyone on the show (whether you count that topper scene or not) and she’s still portrayed as a super soft saint while all JJs ever been shown doing leaning over a girl IN THE OPENING SCENE it lasted all of 3 seconds & I’m not saying “WelL SaRaHs a HoE” I’m saying she’s not hypersexualized in fics cause she’s a girl & slut shaming but because JJs a boy it makes it ok to do it to him?

I also think shes not rlly sexualized bc shes a girl, as odd as it sounds bc ik theres a lot of lgbtq+ ppl writing fics but i find it hard to find any like sarah fics in general besides blurbs or things that are v fluffy and like uwu sarah soft baby and also i think people struggle to write lesbian smut, i might be generalizing but i dont see a lot of kie or sarah smuts (and i pray that theyre all aged up smuts)

But i def understand what you mean as well, i think the narrative of guys like JJ being writen as the “bad boy, island whore, sleeps around and breaks hearts” is v common and it does make for good aus/fics bc its relatively simple but then it does easily cross the line of hypersexualizing a kid. Esp when graphic v kinky explicit smut is incorporated into things. I also think that yeah its a double standard to love the idea of a guy sleeping around then settling down while looking down on a girl who sleeps around and chooses to settle down. Its a reason that in my burn au and burn blurbs i make the decision to not have rafe or y/n feel the need to slutshame one another for having sex with other ppl before knowing eachother-like jealousy is one thing but slut shaming? Thats not cool.

If youre 16-18 writing smut about a character thats in the same age bracket thats one thing, youre allowed to fantasize and have your own kinks and shit like that, but i think its unrealistic to paint ppl as sex gods and huge fucking doms when theyre 16-18. Anything after that is like you do you babe bc youve had experience on that gravy train. But to see ppl over 18, in their early to mid twenties writing smut ab a 16 year old isnt cool, whether or not theyre male of female characters.