#might make a post there about this shake the jar see what happens

[tradsaltwife]

why do some people obssess so much with whether euron has been to valyria or not. that's not the point imo? i mean sure yeah cool to speculate about it but. you know that little scene where the reader questions him about this in front of everyone and euron just leaves the room? yeah i dont think the point (at least thematically?) is thinking ooooh so he hasnt been there!! oh wow he's full of shit!! i'd say the point here is seeing how euron's power over other people lies on what he says about himself, the thoughts he puts in others peoples heads, and how his charisma and menacing vibes make people not question him openly, at least successfully. more than a liar, this is a guy who constantly walks the line between truth and lie. defeating euron (as a person, not as the anime villain) requires questioning him, and exposing him as what he his, liar or actual monster. imho, the whole "omg has euron been to valyria??? how did he get the valyrian steel armor??? is he and emissary of the others???" it's what euron wants you to think about, yeah yeah pay attention to the shiny cool stuff that makes him look oh so badass and uhhh dont look at the actual horrors he's capable of. i think he's a much funnier, more interesting character underneath his crow's eye persona.

villains are only villains as long as we allow them to. it's all about who's controlling the narrative. this can apply irl too.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 164 thoughts

This post discusses suicide and suicidal ideation in the context of Oshi no Ko.

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 2

Bizarrely, I feel like I don't have a ton to say about this chapter. Not because stuff doesn't happen in it but because… fuck, man. What do I even say. I can't quite 100% shake my suspicion that Akasaka has some asspull up his sleeve and that Aqua might come back in style form, even if altered to the point that he isn't the Aqua we know anymore, but this chapter is clearly set up for us to think he's dead and for us to see other character's reactions to this news, so I'll talk about the text with that assumption in mind. This one will probably be kind of all over the place so bear with me ig

That being said… this is all kind of dumb as fuck, huh

Like. There's just so many insane contrivances with this setup that it's impossible for me to take it seriously. Putting aside that there's no way on planet earth Aqua's plan should have fooled anybody, why in God's name are his family and friends finding out about this from a news broadcast and not, like… Being contacted by the police?? Or at least hearing about it beforehand??

I also really don't like that we're setting up to have a whole chapter focusing on Ruby's response to all this while Aqua's Literal Mother and all his friends get like. Two panels to be shocked at the news. If the series ends without giving them all the space to grieve I think I will be legitimately really pissed off lmao

The presence of 15 Year Lie in this chapter also makes me agonizingly aware that we know basically nothing about it to this day, even though the contents of the movie are what this final arc revolves around. Aqua's plan relies on Kamiki's crimes as exposed by the movie being heinous enough that Kamiki would kill Aqua to silence them but…

WHAT FUCKING CRIMES???

The Kamiki we saw in the movie was only ever portrayed as a victim in the scenes we see. Unless the story is trying to imply that Kamiki is somehow responsible for Uehara and Airi's deaths or that 15YL makes him directly responsible for Gorou's death or - literally I have no idea what this could be referring to.

I dunno, man. It's hard for me to really want to buckle down and analyse this because so much of it feels entirely contrary to the story that came before. I've always insisted that the one thing that we could guarantee was that Aqua and Ruby would survive the series and be happy because so much emotional weight is put on Ai's wish for Aqua and Ruby to grow into adults and be happy, and it really seemed like we were building up to an ending of Aqua deciding for himself that he wants to finally live for himself, so this sudden swerve into Aqua being told by God "actually your purpose in life is to nobly commit suicide for your sister" is uh, jarring to say the least.

Part of the issue with this is that I think Akasaka doesn't think of Aqua's sacrifice as being a suicide, narratively speaking, even though Akane literally acknowledges it as such. But the thing is, Aqua's "sacrifice" is emergent from all the same things as his suicidal ideation - his belief that his life is intrinsically less valuable than everyone else's and his continued guilt and self loathing as a result of his trauma. Aqua literally says to Ruby's face in 143 that he feels guilty just for being alive and it's literally never addressed again.

So it's very difficult not to read this ending as the story approving of Aqua killing himself, but only if it's for the right reasons. Not only is that an insanely irresponsible message to put into a story as widespread and visible as OnK is right now, it's also just fucking ghoulish.

Idk. Even if Aqua lived here, I just really dislike this idea of his whole life's purpose being Narratively Affirmed as being to uplift Ruby at his own expense. Aqua is very much like Ai in that he's a person who has spent basically all of both his lives in service to other people, unable to pursue the things that he wants and that make him genuinely fulfilled - an ending that parallels Ai, where he is denied this to the extent that it kills him, is not a bad idea on paper but the execution here makes it fall apart. Like, if the framing was that Aqua and Kamiki were both unable to move on from the past to the point that it kills them, I'd vibe with that or something like it. But as is, this shit is just baffling.

It doesn't help that Aqua's death is just completely unmoored from anything the series has been setting up all this time. I've seen people defending this as being what Aqua's revenge was building up to, but this very explicitly isn't about Aqua's revenge. It's about "protecting Ruby's future", but the idea that Kamiki was a threat to Ruby specifically is something that was introduced all of four chapters ago. Even then, it's deeply undercooked. Like, what it is about Kamiki that makes him SUCH a threat to Ruby that Aqua has no choice but to take the nuclear option and kill them both? Why is this the one and only way to stop him? We don't know - we basically know nothing about Kamiki besides "he's Ai's crazy ex" which is such a massive letdown for an antagonist who's been built up for this long.

Speaking of Ai…. where the fuck is she!!!

I know this is predictable background noise from the Ai Wife Guy, but it really is baffling to me that she's such a nonfactor when the climax happening right now is her son confronting the man who killed her. At best, we get mild lipservice as to her existence but the series is so all-in on this "protecting Ruby's future" framing that Ai's absence here feels jarring. It's not just that Ai should be relevant because I like her (but I DO and she SHOULD) but because it makes for a bizarrely deflated finale. Instead of the tragedy we've been building up to avenging for over 140 chapters, Aqua's death comes as the result of a plan he came up with on the spot to deal with an ill-defined threat that only came into existence 4-6 chapters ago.

It just doesn't really feel satisfying, especially when the series has been so wishy washy when it comes to focusing on Aqua and Ruby's relationship. If the series was going to make that connection The central axis on which this climax revolves, then it needed more fleshing out than it got, regardless of if the series went the AquRuby route or not.

Two chapters left………..

[fastlikealambo]

Connubium.|| Coriolanus Snow x Black Fem Reader

Chapter Two

table of contents.

Chapter One.

Summary: Stealing from The Capitol is a deadly offense, yet you’ve done it more times than you can count but when you do something you should not have done, Volumnia Gaul decides a fate for you that might just be worse than death.

Notes: This takes place post The Ballad of Songbirds And Snakes and Coryo is in his last year at The University, studying under Dr. Gaul. This will not follow canon, I’m not an expert on all the lore so I apologize if I get things wrong.

Disclaimer: You know Coriolanus is a POS, I know Coriolanus is a POS, please don’t yell at me because this is just a fun little story, something for thee hotties, and  if you feel that strongly against President Snow, please let me know if you’d like me to sign you up for tessarae.

Warnings: blood, violence, poison.

Thanks for the love on chapter one! If you want to see chapter three, comment or reblog, feedback makes me want to continue!

Perhaps before you begin those games, you should understand how you got in the protective arms of one Coriolanus Snow.

You had three rules.

Never be seen.

Never take what you could not carry.

Never intervene.

How did the daughter of teachers from District 6 make it all the way to and from the capitol not once, not twice, but multiple trips over multiple years?

Desperation and sick parents do it every time.

It’s thought that most folks from District 6 hate transportation but the glassy eyes and wet coughs from the people you loved most in the world had you sneaking onto trains, hovercraft, anything that moved when you aged out of tesserae. 

Some thought you’d take over teaching for your ma and pa, you certainly had the education but none of the patience and sugar that is required to work with children.

What was the point of them knowing about a nation that would bleed them before it would feed them?

There were no books on your mother’s shelf that would tell the truth of Panem: 

The best future was no future.

This is tedious, let’s just skip to the  show.

“Hippity, hoppity, you took someone’s property.”

You weren’t exactly sure what a jail cell in The Captiol looked like but a science lab with bright lights and sterile white walls made you question if this was just a scenic detour before getting shot by Peacekeepers.

Peacekeepers forced you to your already bruised knees as Dr. Volumnia Gaul descended a staircase with a pep in her step. You had seen the Head Gamemaker on tv once being interviewed during The Games and you hadn’t forgotten that face since.

   “Not only did you take Capitol property, you destroyed property, you injured multiple citizens, all for an Avox. I’m sure if it still had a tongue it would have definitely said thank you for all your help. I know, why don’t we ask her?” Gaul said, skipping to a shelf and pulled a large circular jar into her arms and placed onto a table spinning it in front of you.

The head of the Avox you had tried to help faced you, eyes open in the fluid.

It all had happened so quickly, you had waited for a couple to leave their home for the evening before scaling the side and entering through an open window one of their guards who kissed with his teeth left open.  You followed your rules, had the fancy fur underwear in hand, and headed out the window when you noticed the couple had a son.

A son that liked to hit a woman who couldn’t speak, let alone fight back.

It all went downhill from there.

   “Are you happy now? Did the little thief save you?” Dr. Gaul asked the head, lifting the jar to her ear for a moment, before proceeding shaking it from side to side as if the head was shaking itself to say “no.”

 You gave no inclination of fear, forcing your mind to pretend Gaul was holding a jar of sugar instead and wet your cracked lips to speak.

“If you’re going to kill me, may I ask that you do it now?” 

 The peacekeeper raised their gun to bring it down upon your head but Gaul merely lifted her hand to stop the guard and cocked her head in front of you.

  “Good skin and clear eyes which tells me you haven’t seen a drop of Morphling in your life, good girl!  Let’s see those teeth! ” Dr. Gaul’s gloved fingers wrench your mouth open, quick enough to avoid your attempt to bite down hard.

  “Not a crooked canine in sight, what a marvel of district 6 dentistry! I’ve been watching you for the last year and a half, you know.  At first I thought you were a rebel spy lurking here and there in a sad attempt at revolution but you have a pattern: you seduce, you steal, you scatter. Never the same capitol house, never the same loot, but always the same goal: self-servitude.  You, little girl, are smart, silver tongued, and most importantly, you are selfish.”

Was the doctor incorrect?

You had stolen enough and traded enough to keep your parents healthy months ago, why did you keep coming back here?

  “What do you want from me?” You asked quietly as Gaul finished her examination of you and hopped into a chair.

“By yourself you managed to steal anything you wanted, charm anyone you wanted, all while going unnoticed in The Capitol for years.  Instead of cutting out that silver tongue of yours, I’m going to use it for the future of Panem.” Dr. Gaul said, damn near giddy.  

Gaul pressed a button that dimmed the lights in the lab and brought a screen down from the ceiling. In a few short seconds, the screen came to life and footage of a blonde man in a crimson suit and coat going about his day, sharp face never once cracking a smile.

   “Let me introduce you to Coriolanus Snow, top student, heir of Strabo Plinth, and the product of exemplary Capitol breeding. He’ll be graduating from The University in a month and in a few short years with proper backing, he will be President of Panem. He’ll be taking a position at President Ravinstill’s office upon graduation but before that he’ll need to take a spouse. That, my pretty thief, is where you come in.” Gaul said.

   “Don’t you have Capitol people for this? What about that ‘fine capitol breeding’? A district girl such as myself would only sully that.”  You said slowly as if talking to an infant.

  “With society families there’s dowries, overinvolved mothers, there isn’t time to mold one in the image Panem requires.  Why pin a veil on a peacock when I can dress up a viper instead? For the good of Panem, you will charm Coriolanus Snow, you will court him, you will spy on him, and in one month, you will marry Coriolanus Snow, little thief.”

You’d rather die.

Wouldn’t you?

    “And if your precious protege can smell District on me?” You snarled and a peacekeeper made you regret that decision immediately.

   “ He’ll never know. You and Mr. Snow share the same look of distinct dissatisfaction in your eyes, dissatisfaction is a bitter root but it can be pulled, can be twisted into something powerful and no Capitol dove can accomplish that. Only those who have tasted blood in their mouths desire it again.”

  “And if I refuse?”

“It’s easier to show you.” Gaul said, clicking another button. The video of Snow vanished and in its place was the grainy footage of a man and a woman hooked up to various tubes and wires.

It took longer than it should have for you to realize those were your parents.

  “You’re not the only one who can slip in and out of people’s homes, little thief.  Just a little something I’m working on in their morning porridge and by this afternoon, their lungs belonged to me.  This is a live feed by the way, so if you’d like to refuse, you are welcome to do so and we can watch your ma and pa stop breathing together. I’ll get my milk and crackers! ”

There was no guarantee she wouldn’t just kill them tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.

A rebel would stand up and refuse Dr. Gaul no matter the cost.

A fool would plead for their life and the lives of their loved ones.

Neither a fool nor rebel, you were something else entirely.

A survivor.

You stood up, shoulders back, head up, and completely ignored the sounds of the machines keeping your parents alive to look straight at Dr. Gaul.

  “When do we start?”

Coriolanus Snow studied people.

He studied his classmates, his professors, he knew the routines and habits of everyone he did and did not come in contact with on a daily basis whether they knew or not.  There was a great tragedy in the fact that he would have made an amazing officer with sight like his. Not a thing got past him, nothing useful anyway.

Except you.

He had never seen a coat so cut to the human body before outside of Tigris’ handiwork, from across the street he studied the exact spot he could put his hands on that coat, on your body. The book obscured your face but it mattered not to Coryo as no one with a coat like that could be anything short of divine.

And as Coriolanus Snow was never wrong, he was given a glimpse at that magnificent visage when you dropped your book in the street, those full lips and smooth brown cheeks, oh what a vision that befell him.

A vision that was soon to be flattened by a car.

If he was honest with himself, had you been someone he knew, someone he had previously studied, perhaps he would have let the car hit you, but this was useful for him, he’d make the Captiol News that night with Flickerman spinning tales of his heroism.

He could not let blood spoil such beauty.

He surprised himself at how quick he was, one moment on the top of the university steps, the next tumbling to the side of the road, his body covering yours as you both came to stop, his hand on the back of your head to keep it from slamming into the curb.

Words died on his lips, the question he had mentally prepared to ask with careful false concern left him the moment he truly looked into your eyes, and Coriolanus did not only want to know if you were injured.

He wanted to know everything.

He carefully removed himself from your person, attempting to keep the displeasure at his previously perfect now filthy wardrobe and scraped hands from his features as he settled beside you.

 “Are you hurt?” He asked, impressed at the hint of actual sincerity that bled into his voice as you sat up gingerly.

“I don’t think so.  Thank you, I wasn’t paying attention, are you hurt?” You asked, a voice like velvet that seemed to surround him and he shivered as he took inventory of his own injuries and shook his head.

 True to their nature, not one person on the street offered to lend a hand and a Peacekeeper was making their way to them. He would hand you off to a peacekeeper and that would be that.

He did not want that.

So he did what he did best, took control of the situation and an opportunity arose when he heard you admit a small moan of pain, eyes wide and fixated on your ankle.

  “May I?”  He asked and you nodded.

 Coriolanus removed your shoe, tender fingers brushing over the swollen skin and he briefly wanted nothing more than to know what his lips would feel like on that silky skin.

He cleared his throat and regained control of himself, sitting straight up.

“ It’s not broken.  I don’t live far from here, my grandmother can take a look at that if you’d like? I promise you’ll be perfectly safe.” 

Grandma’am would rather lick a tribute than tend to an injured stranger but you didn’t need to know that.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to go to the trouble.” You said, attempting to slowly stand, crumpling just enough for Coriolanus to quickly steady you before gently putting your arm around his shoulder and his other under your knees, lifting you into his arms.

“It’s no trouble at all. I’m Coriolanus Snow, it’s a pleasure to be of service.” Coryo said with that winning Snow smile, adjusting you in his arms with care.

After all, roses were to be cradled.

Until that day, Coriolanus Snow noticed everything and everyone, useless and useful. 

Yet while focused on you, he had not noticed that the car that had almost killed you both was nowhere to be found.

That’s chapter 2! If you’d like this story to continue, please comment, reblog, give me feedback! Let me know what you think about this story! Thank you for reading.

[wyvnspng]

Mum said it’s my turn on the writing.

Ive never posted a fic before call me cringe but oh well.

My interpretation of the au and characters! probably takes place somewhere during the world’s worst roadtrip arc or whatever we called it. I love monsters and Clyde is so cool to me.

Sorta beta’d by my good friend Clemin thank you kindly.

—-

Harold's job was a boring one. Just a cashier for some no-name gas station. Every day he spent his work hours hoping for something new and interesting to happen, and yet it never did.

Each day he entered the building was just as boring as the last, and as much as he wanted to, he could not quit in order to look for a more interesting job, as he needed the money to keep a roof over his head and food in his belly.

His energy was spent on the monotonous tasks that came with a cashier job, and his thoughts were reserved for daydreaming away the slow and boring days without directly falling asleep.

His mind yearned for stimulation, something to distract himself from the dreary repetitive days he found himself trapped in. Yet, as he eyed the literal monster currently occupying the room with him, his mind and body frozen in terror from it simply existing in such close proximity, he can’t help but miss the simple yet boring days of the past.

Whatever this thing was, it was definitely the eastridge demon or whatever it was called. He’d unfortunately never paid too much mind to the stories about the thing, instead brushing it off as some fairytale, but from what he can recall people saying about it, the thing in front of him matched the description.

Curiously, it was accompanied by a human. One Alex Williams if his memory is correct. He recalls briefly seeing (her? his?) their wanted poster. They were talking to the demon as if the two were friends, which might be the case. Probably why they had a wanted poster. Is conspiring with demons illegal? He’s not sure.

He’s also not sure how they are so calm around that thing. The sight of it makes his blood freeze in his veins and its voice makes his ears ring. He feels unbelievably cold, his terror so overwhelming that he can’t even shake in fear. Yet Alex(?) looks right at home around that thing. They don't even react to the terrible cacophony that is the demon's voice. Layers of voices and sounds that mix into a terrifyingly unpleasant sensation that grates at the ears, yet somehow this random person is completely fine. They even respond to the monster, as if the incomprehensible mess of sound was some understandable language.

A small part of Harold feels envious. How cool it must be to have befriended such a creature. He wonders how something like that happens. There’s probably an interesting story there, but he won’t dare to ask and risk irritating the demon.

The two seem to be arguing (how brave they must be to argue with it,) and from the half of the conversation he can understand without being distracted by his rising dread, the monster is asking to buy stuff that they can’t afford. Oddly childish for something so scary, but he won’t say anything.

The demon makes a new sound, which he is capable of recognising as a fucked up growl (or hiss?), and somehow his body gets even colder, nausea biting at his insides. If he was actually this cold he’s pretty sure he’d have hypothermia by now. Its long tail whips at the floor irritably, leaving noticeable scratches, and Alex scolds it. For some reason it listens, and seems to calm down somewhat, resigning to their shared fate of being poor.

Alex does allow it to grab one thing, and it picks a jar of jam for some reason. Oh well, who’s he to judge if the demon likes jam? It is pretty good after all. The duo then makes their way over to him, and he can’t help but flinch away from them. Neither pay mind to it, and simply pay for all the items they wanted. His movements are choppy and his limbs jerk around awkwardly, but they don’t comment on it. He specifically avoids looking at it, keeping his eyes on the more comforting figure of Alex. (He can still see its face in his peripheral vision.)

After paying the two just.. leave. No killing, no destruction beyond a few scratches and misplaced items. He didn’t calm down immediately, it took a while for his body to move properly again, and his arms shake for the rest of the day. He’s noticeably spooked by the time his shift is over, and he doubts that he’ll recover from this any time soon.

The rest of his day is spent looking over his shoulder, paranoia biting at the back of his neck. He can’t bring himself to turn the lights of his house off at night. Maybe that makes him a bigger target, but the image of something towering over him, the only thing he can see of it being a pair of eyes and maybe a wide grin of teeth. The image terrifies him endlessly.

Harold doesn’t sleep that night.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Ok based on your most recent post (I am obsessed I love it sm-). I honestly think that once Delta wakes up to see them with him again he'd probably freak out a little bit, and have no idea if this is reality or another nightmare. But once he is able to figure it out, they might be upset and ask Color and Epic questions about the subjects of their nightmares (ex; about the jar one, he might ask why they couldn't hear them and why didn't they bother to look in the jars) and might completely get confused with reality.

I also think that because they had dissociated for so long (probably spanning days or weeks before they came back to reality), he would have gone completely nonverbal and would have switched to sign language (the silence also most likely made them incredibly paranoid - too paranoid to break it by speaking. So, in order to keep the quiet, they silenced themselves and haven't spoken in a good long while), furthering their dissociation and PTSD spiral.

Now of course this would concern Epic and Color, and they'd likely have to explain that the nightmares weren't reality, but would also have to try to get him to explain what the hell had happened during the time they were both gone, and why he hadn't called them for help once they're able to talk in the morning.

(But since you mentioned how they'd probably help Delta fall asleep, I can't help but wonder how they'd react if Delta woke up from a bad nightmare about them, and how the talk in the morning would go?)

I love this addition, it makes complete sense. And now that we’re on the topic about this type of thing, I actually feel like it’d be easier for Color and Epic to understand these things more than it seems.

For Color, it’s due to his relationship with Killer. We all know Killer is a dissociative character who cannot often tell what is and is not real anymore, he spends most of his time dissociating—as opposed to Delta and Beta’s episodes of intense dissociative episodes due to events in their lives.

I’m sure that Color has had to help Killer differentiate between dream, memory, and reality many times before, even if it’s as something as simple as having to lightly touch Killer’s shoulder when walking past—otherwise Killer would probably just assume he’s dreaming or it isn’t real.

On the other hand, if I remember correctly, Epic has very vivid and distressing nightmares where he has to constantly fight against creatures/a creature every night due to his magical eye thing. And as a result he learns actual fighting experience from this, but he also often wakes up in pain and panicking. His nightmares are legitimately traumatizing for him.

So I’m assuming Epic would avoid sleep as much as possible, especially in a case such as this, where a beloved friend needs sleep and can’t afford being woken up by his nightmares.

So I’m assuming that once Delta first wakes up in the middle of the night, Epic would actually already be up. He probably was surprised and taken aback by Delta’s panicking, but is quick to try and calm the two of them down.

And when Delta starts using ASL, looking unnerved at any noise made, is when Epic realizes that it was worse than he and Color had thought. And maybe he considers waking Color up, because Color has always been better with words and calming people down between the three of them, but Delta frantically shakes his head ‘no.’

Epic doesn’t argue against this, although he knows Delta is likely doing this because he doesn’t want to worry Color and be perceived as ‘weak,’ doesn’t want to disturb Color’s rest. So instead Epic, Delta, and Beta wander off into the kitchen for some late night milk and cookies.

Epic asks if they’re ready to talk about it, to which they shake their head no. Epic again doesn’t argue, instead settles on to the couch with them to watch some random tv series. He pretends not to notice how Delta keeps staring at him instead of the show, squeezing Epic’s arm tightly.

By the time morning comes around and Color is waking up, Delta and Beta have still not spoken verbally and haven’t slept. Neither has Epic—which only inevitably concerns Color even more, which only increases when Delta suddenly starts rapidly singing at him once spotted.

Color asks him to slow down as he approaches, he didn’t catch that, Epic turning down the volume on the show and turning to face the others more directly. Once Color is seated, he asks Delta to repeat what he said, more slowly this time.

Why didn’t you two hear us? Why didn’t you open it? Why didn’t you look? Why did you leave? We were screaming.

And Epic and Color share a look, confused, before Color begins prompting them to explain with more questions. Look where? Open what? Leave where?

Gradually, they begin to piece together what happened—often Delta and Beta have to pause when they start dissociating again or get too choked up, Color asks Epic to get them a glass of water at some point, but stops when they start panicking again at the question (don’t leave)—and the whole time Delta’s hands are gripping on to his friends so tightly it almost hurts.

I can see them letting Delta and Beta cry it out and calm down enough before Color starts to explain, helps them piece together what was dream and what was memory, versus what actually happened.

I can see Epic trying to make them laugh using his usual humor and memes, because he can see that their paranoia about the silence is making them cautious to speak and furthering their dissociation. Which of course makes it harder for them to fully process what was happening and what is happening.

I think, once they realized what was happening, Delta and Beta might actually feel ashamed, guilty, and/or embarrassed about how they reacted to something that “didn’t even happen.” Delta probably feels guilty, assuming it means that some part of him thinks of Epic and Color as the type of people who’d do that to them.

To which they’d have to reassure him that, no, it was out of his control and doesn’t make him a bad friend or a bad person for having nightmares and feeling abandoned.

I can also see, if either Delta or Beta realizes what happened before the other did, they will attempt to help comfort and ground the other too; such as Beta petting the body’s hand, or hugging themselves due to not being able to physically hug each other. Talking out loud to soothe each other, reminding the other that not only does Epic and Color still love them, but they love each other, too.

[writing-for-life]

Thessaly, Johanna and a weird meta about musical motifs (amongst other things)

Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!

As a little intro: A lot of people in the fandom want to see Thessaly cut from the TV adaptation, or at least see her changed substantially. I am not necessarily one of them because I don’t think it’s always necessary to blur the lines between fiction and reality that way, and I would be alright with portraying her in a similar way as in the Audible adaptation (where a lot of things have already been changed to make her character more palatable to 21st century audiences). It would also make Morpheus look a bit less morally grey (I mean, he falls in love with someone who is essentially a terrible person, knows it and doesn’t seem to give a shit. Then again, he often is morally grey, and people like to forget that ;)).

Having gotten that out of the road: I *do* think that “A Game of You” is hard to translate to the screen. I absolutely love it in the comics, but I think it’s one of those arcs that is tricky to do well for TV. I’d even go as far as saying it might be a dealbreaker for some people who haven’t read the comic/are show audience only, and it might jeopardise a potential S3. Not because of Thessaly or the plot as such, but because it operates on a similar plane as The Doll’s House, which was jarring to a lot of people in S1. And The Doll’s House has a far more straightforward arc and more Morpheus in it—AGoY has none of these things. I’d personally love to see it, but I would also love to see Morpheus’ full arc being brought to the screen, so I am a bit conflicted. I still think, and of course that’s just a personal opinion, that it would be best to just have little bits and bobs inserted into Season of Mists and do the whole Cuckoo arc as an animation, but that’s just me.

@tickldpnk8 and I already speculated wildly about S2, and sole speculation it is, but maybe you want to check out that post. I’m getting carried away here...

After that longwinded intro: Are we going to get Johanna instead of Thessaly?

What I actually wanted to write about is why the longer I think about it (and I’ve been thinking about it since S1, I'm really that sad), the more I can’t shake the feeling that they *will* replace Thessaly with Johanna. And the fandom is totally divided about it—some love the idea because they had undeniable chemistry in S1, others hate it for various reasons (doing Johanna dirty, keeping Thessaly "intact"--you name it).

I personally think it might actually elevate the story because it would make Morpheus look better (*if* that's what we want--I'm not really sure I do), and that’s what show-only-fans seemingly gravitate towards. As already hinted at, Thessaly/Murphy always seemed a rather unfathomable relationship, and it didn’t just make Murph look stupid, but also, as already mentioned, morally grey and not very discerning in his choice of women (hmm, maybe he just isn’t ;)).

Falling for Johanna wouldn’t be any of this. And it would be so easy to show why it went horribly wrong without making either of them look bad, and you could still feel for both of them. If we think about Johanna���s worst nightmare (literally), it’s what happened to Astra. So she would absolutely and unequivocally support someone like Lyta, who worries about her child. And she would do it for all the right reasons, and not because she’s a selfish bitch who just wants a longer life or is generally spiteful.

And it wouldn’t be hard for Morpheus and Johanna to hook up either. They could even leave the original idea intact: Thessaly just dreamed of him, and they started talking in dreams, bla bla bla. We already have the set-up for that in S1. Morpheus took away Johanna’s nightmare. She could just be grateful, relieved, whatever, and dream of him. Done. And we don’t even need to explain that at great length, because in the comics, we never really see them hook up anyway and just find things out after the deed. Although I personally *want* to see them get hot and heavy on screen, but that’s just me having my mind in the gutter because why would you not to show two sexy people with so much chemistry doing exactly that. However, I’ll survive the disappointment if they don’t—just 😂

But it’s not just the plot. It’s also everything we’ve seen in S1. I have already talked about this in other threads, most recently with @orionsangel86, but literally every shot with them in S1 was framed as a romance shot: the proximity, the play on height difference, the camera angles, the lighting. These are deliberate choices, either to hint at what’s to come, or to set up a distraction, MacGuffin, whatever.

Then the mention of “None of us can be trusted.”

Or the RAIN. I mean, I am so surprised no one has commented on that waterfall of RAIN when they say goodbye (or I’ve just not seen it). You cannot read the comics and ever believe again that Morpheus and rain, no matter where, doesn’t hint at terrible relationship outcomes.

Musical themes, oy!

But the thing that really got me was the use of musical motifs, and I am unfortunately showing my background from a former life here because I can never listen to a movie soundtrack without getting analytical about it. Johanna’s theme is called “Johanna & Rachel”, and it would be easy to just think of it as that. And yes, it is a love theme, but it doesn’t just play for Johanna and Rachel. It plays in Morpheus’ and Johanna’s last scene as well.

And here’s the kicker: Dream’s and her theme complete each other, as in: They both have what the other one is missing. They are musically extremely close, but not identical. Let me explain:

If you think of the opening lines of both of their motifs in scale degrees (like 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-(1)), they look/sound as follows:

Johanna (her motif begins right at the start, so I didn't timestamp it)

1-(minor3)-7-(2)-(1) | 1-(major3)-m7-1

If I put all of “her” scale degrees in a row, they are: 1-2-3-7

Dream (you actually hear his leitmotifs, and their subtle differences, best in his scenes with John Dee):

1-(7)-(6)-(5)-(4) | 1-(7)-(6)-2 (video is timestamped)

1-(7)-(6)-(5)-(aug4) | 1-(7)-(6)-2 (video is timestamped)

If I put all of “his” scale degrees in a row, they are: 1-2-4-5-6-7

Morpheus is missing the third (3). Missing the third, which s considered one of the most consonant intervals and DYNAMIC, also hints at his character, but that just as an aside.

Johanna has the third (both in its minor and major form). 

Johanna is missing the fourth, fifth and sixth.

Morpheus has them, in various forms (major and augmented—especially augmented intervals are highly unstable and create a lot of friction).

What they share/have in common are 1, 2 and 7:

The tonic (1) is what everything else hinges on. The supertonic (2) is musically fraught with tension and seeks to resolve into the tonic--back to base or a conclusion/resolution, if you will. The seventh (7), both as a leading note or subtonic, is also that: Tension that needs resolved.

So all they have in common is tension that needs to resolve into some sort of resolution.

(And before we are pointing out the obvious: of course both tunes have more notes in it respectively, but we are talking about the main motifs.)

What’s also super interesting is where their overall themes are going. Johanna’s is initially darker, but it actually has a lot of ascending lines and “light” before plunging back into darkness.

Morpheus’ seems a lot more regal (for lack of better term), but the lines are mostly descending. This becomes even more apparent when we are not just listening to the opening theme, but to the several variations of his theme (his presence can be felt literally everywhere, even in Desire's theme).

It just freaked me out majorly the moment I heard it for the first time in contrast. But I like to over-interpret musical stuff because I just hear it so clearly. I *do* believe that composers do these things on purpose, even if just subconsciously, because we can't separate what we know about a character from how we perceive them musically (I do it as well). Of course that doesn’t always mean that it’s exactly the purpose I am thinking of, or that it hints at whatever is to come. My brain tends to run away with these things.

But yes, musically, they are totally "on track", so let's run with it. I'll admit my embarrassment later when this all goes into a completely different direction ;)

(Also tagging @honeyteacakes in this since I encroached on your comments recently)

[sortofanobsession]

In the absence of light (Umbrella Academy Season 2) Chapter 3

Author's Note: I was going to post this a bit earlier, but I just kept adding more to it. It's probably double the amount of internal turmoil for our lovingly misguided Diego than I originally wrote.

@crazycatmaddy

So as it goes, Y/N = your name. Y/N/N = your nickname. Reader pronouns She/Her.

Tag Requests are Open just message me.

Primary Pairing: Diego Hargreeves x Female!Reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Series/TUA Masterlist

Content warning: Canon typical drama, manipulation, sort of kidnapping, being on the run, doubt, fear, crime (because our boy Diego is back! And Lila is Lila)

Whiplash of a Reunion

She is in the process of running errands that Luther had told her needed to be done when the last thing she expected to happen happens. She had just dropped off a couple uniforms at the cleaners and stepped back onto the sidewalk when she heard her name called.

She knows that voice. It has her turning around so fast that Diego thinks she might get whiplash. And before his brain can even wrap itself around the fact he is seeing the person he loves most for the first time since she couldn’t even stand on her own two feet, he is nearly knocked to the ground in a hug.

Diego smiles to himself. "Missed you too, Luz."

"Hate to break up the lovey dovey reunion, but we have to go," Lila says.

He was confused by how fast the woman in his arms pulled away from him. He just wants to hold her again because the last time he saw her, she was covered in her own blood. He had held her as tight as he possibly could without breaking Five's circle. Then, thanks to his smallest brother, he was dropped in that stupid alley without her. It had been jarring to have her tucked into his side one second and without her the next.

"Just give me a minute, Lila," he insists, trying not to let the desperation he was feeling at the moment show. He had fought so hard to get to her he couldn't let it end so quick.

"We don't have time for this," Lila counters, her impatience unmistakable.

"Then we make time!" Diego glares at his fellow asylum escapee before turning back to the light of his life. "Luz, are you okay? I saw your article. No one would tell me if you were okay. Five barely told me anything."

“Five?” the confused woman asks. “He didn’t-“ She shakes her head. "He's almost as bad as Lu-"

"Diego," Lila cuts her off.

The female Hargreeves tenses and puts more distance between them. "I'm fine, Diego. Your friend said you need to go. So, you should go."

Diego cannot believe what he is hearing. She didn't expect him to just walk away. Not after everything they went through. "Not without you, not again." He refuses, because of course he does. She's the light of his life.

"For the love of-" Lila grabs her by the wrist and drags her with them towards a car. Diego looks at his Luz as Lila forcibly leads her. Was she in heels? Did his sister ever wear heels before? He had to admit that the 60s looked good on her. A fitted blouse hinted at her figure, which she had often kept concealed in their modern time with jackets and sweaters. But the highlight of the outfit for the man didn't stop there. He should remember to compliment her skirt. Or her in general. He'd missed out on doing that a lot in his life. Her pleated skirt fell just below her knee, and sheer tights hugged the line of her calves and disappeared into the pointed pumps. He was shocked she didn't stumble in as Lila pulled her along. He almost couldn't believe it was her. Nylons and heels, she'd never been much of a fan of when they were younger. She always said the dolled-up look that Allison enjoyed and Grace never failed to achieve was just too exhausting and not worth it. She had clearly changed her mind.

The now powerless Hargreeves doesn’t argue as she gets in the car. She goes without a fight for Diego's sake despite not knowing how she feels about this new person pushing her around. She really didn’t like the way she and Diego were acting. Diego hadn't said anything since his friend had taken charge and it bothered her. He never liked working with anyone. Her, Luther, Klaus, it had always been with begrudging acceptance that he let them tag along. He wasn't even attempting to call the shots now. That was unlike the Number Two she always knew. She didn't like it. She missed HER Number Two. Her other siblings would probably tease her and call her jealous, but honestly, she’s just insecure all around. But what could she do about it? Nothing. Everything was painfully different now. So, she focuses on the one feeling that she can handle. Annoyance. Annoyance at the fact that she can see the pity in their eyes. The pity and uselessness are infuriating, but she has one advantage over her old self. Her siblings don’t know how to read her anymore. The Wisp used to broadcast her emotions. Now, she can mask them like everyone else. She does just that. She slaps on the same smile she uses when waiting tables.

“This is unnecessary,” she says as she straightens out the wrinkles in her skirt as best she can. Diego takes a good look at her, and as much as he likes the outfit, he does not like what he sees. She looks like she is aiming at unbothered, maybe slightly amused, for the most part, but her eyes don't match the expression. Before he can ask her the many questions he has, she stops him.

 “I’m fine, Diego,” she repeats. And again, he doesn't know if he believes her, but her eyes look...less in a way he can't actually pinpoint, and it bothers him. Her words are only somewhat reassuring as she continues. “I am as healed as I will probably ever be. I have a job. A place to say. And I’m not the one clearly on the run.” What does that even mean? She'll often be as practiced as he is with her words, and those seemed very specific.

Lila rolls her eyes. She didn’t even know the woman, and she could tell that it was a lie based on her nervous energy and tone.

The female Hargreeves ignores her. They don’t need to know it eats her alive at night. That she is terrified of the dark and the cold. But what can they do about it? Nothing. So, she tells herself that what they don’t know can’t hurt them. Is that hypocritical? Yes. Is it a coping mechanism? Probably. But it is all she has, and good luck to anyone who tries to take that from her. The more she thinks about it, the more the entire situation, the more it threatens to swallow her whole. It was a darkness she had been fighting since she came to in that awful alleyway.

"Luz," Diego calls, but she doesn't hear him. "Luz, look at me." He hates how she flinches when he touches her, but she focuses on him. The novelty of the fashion is gone. He realizes how little of the woman he recognizes. Sure, her features are all still there. The same ears, nose, brows, and lips. He'd studied them enough when she wasn't looking to know it was very much her. Who was he kidding? Dreamed about them, too, but it was unnerving how different she looked. It makes his chest feel tight, and something twists in his gut. It was something he was failing to put a name to, but he pushed that aside to process later.

"Talk to me, Luz," Diego says. “I’ve got you.”  

She bites back the knee-jerk reaction to correct him. To tell him she isn’t anyone’s light anymore. “I’m fine, Diego. We have more important things to focus on.” She insists, but he's not having it.

"You are important,” he shakes his head. “Especially to me."

"I get that, but I need to do something real quick." She takes a small, wrapped package out of her handbag. Diego eyes it skeptically. He watches her as she leaves them in the car and enters a restaurant. Luther had given strict instructions on what to do.

“So that’s her,” Lila grins at him. “That’s the light of your life. You didn’t tell me she was-”

“Don’t start, Lila,” Diego glares at her as he watches the building they are parked across the street from. “She’s been through shit you couldn’t even imagine.”

Lila has to stop Diego from going after Y/N when Five appears and catches him up on what he is willing to share since he has visited his no longer institutionalized brother. Five couldn’t believe Diego could be so unobservant that he hadn’t realized she no longer had not just the Wisp but her full power set. She was powerless and relied almost completely on Luther to keep her safe.

“I know your skull is a bit thick at times, but I expected you to at least notice the glow was gone. No Wisp and no glow. Not even that subtle hint in her irises. Not even a flicker.”

“YOU TOLD ME SHE WAS FINE!” Diego snaps. His instincts had been practically screaming at him that she was missing something. He just hadn't expected it to be so painfully obvious. It hurt knowing her calm exterior was mostly a façade. That she was keeping something from him. He thought they were past that. Then again, that must be what she meant by she was as healed as she would be. He should have seen it sooner.

“What was I supposed to say? Oh hey, Diego, new hair cut? You remember how you would literally kill to keep Y/N/N safe? Well, she’s got brain damage and has no one but our brute ape of a brother looking after her?”

“Yes!” Diego glares at him. He wondered how she was still on her feet, let alone navigating Dallas, alone, in fucking heels. He could kill Luther for sending her out to run errands ALONE in this time and place. Lila had found the arguing siblings somewhat amusing.

“You were hard enough to keep there when everyone thought you were crazy, trying to save the president. If I told you she was struggling in the slightest, let alone Wisp-less, not even Klaus there with her, and worried about you? You’d have done something even dumber than what you are doing now.”

“He has a point,” Lila says. “You fought a guard because they wouldn’t let you keep the article about her.”

“See, even she gets it,” Five points out. Diego quits arguing and glares at the door of the restaurant the light of his life has disappeared through.

"See? She's fine," Lila said when Y/N walked out of the door. The former private detective studies her every move as she carefully checks the road, waits for a clearing, and makes her way back to the car. He couldn't believe he had missed how painfully different she looked without her glow. He couldn't imagine how that would feel. He doesn't have too much time to dwell on it as she opens the rear door.

“Oh, Five,” Y/N was surprised to find Five in the backseat beside her. “You’re here? That’s great.” Five gives Diego the most unamused look possible as if to ask if Diego really hadn’t noticed how much she had changed. Diego hated how right Five was. It was almost as annoying as knowing Luther had been the one looking after her. Especially after what had happened with the bunker. He hated it. He hated he hadn’t been there to do it himself.

[celleryeller]

Game design thoughts- Superliminal

I’ve decided, for shits and giggles and bettering my analysis skills, that I’ll write and post some thought about the game design of games I’m playing for the first time. Not a rating or anything, just a sort of what I learned from it

I just finished Superliminal on the Xbox. Only took around 2 hours for a solid first playthrough. Made in Unity, released 2019.

The main mechanics were around perspective. Unfortunately, this playthrough wasn’t completely blind, because there was a gif set or promo trailer floating around Tumblr a couple years ago, and it showed the mechanics before I got a chance to figure them out myself. But, the premise is picking up objects, and their size depends on the actual perspective when you drop it.

I think those mechanics are pretty fucking cool. I would love to see how the idea was originally prototyped. Or how they came up with the idea. Honestly tomorrow morning I might look into if the creators have done any interviews or anything.

The tutorial was pretty sick though. Instead of ui elements floating and telling you what to do, everything was written on objects in the game. My favorite was “press a to jump” being on a wet floor sign.

Narratively, it did make me ponder about brute forcing puzzles, and trying the same thing over and over. There was one puzzle I was stuck on near the end that I only decided to change perspectives on after I noticed the classic game trick of teleporting the player to create a feeling of infinite looping. While I didn’t walk away fundamentally changed, I did gain a new perspective on how I do puzzles.

The juice was pretty good, too. It got me giddy to pull every fire alarm and use up every fire extinguisher just because the option was there. There might also be achievements for doing that each level? Idk. Superliminal also had some good (although a little too loud) controller shake when an object was made huge and dropped on the ground. There was text I couldn’t read on papers that I wanted to read. The loading screens were great too, and while the bar animations weren’t accurate, the variation and weirdness for each one made up for it.

The limitations, unfortunately, were a touch obvious. The edges of light could shine through objects in a way that initiated something was up. Too many objects bumping around (which didn’t happen often) made a god awful sound. Screen hiccups happened a lot. Honestly, all of it was bearable, but the first one in particular just made me think about how light does that and it pisses me off as a developer that I can’t control it.

Other thoughts:

The walking around and setting felt very reminiscent of The Stanley Parable, especially in the repeated opening segments.

Music cutoffs were well placed and heavily affected the tone.

Late game played heavily with dream with dream sensation, and so perfectly emulated the dream feeling of looking at everything right side up while it feels like you’re laying down.

Played with the medium. I mentioned earlier that it used teleportation for infinite hallway tricks, but at some point it just started teleporting you for the purpose of being jarring.

On a similar note, it loved to play with the first person camera. It knew that you couldn’t look behind you, so it had complete free range to silently change whatever you weren’t looking at. Then when everything was breaking down, it started fucking with you and changing things as you looked at them, so you only saw the change once you moved

There was one level intended to be eerie, and it did that so well it made me google “is Superliminal scary.” The answer is no. I’m just a bit of a paranoid fraidy cat. It ended with a joke so good I instantly forgave it for making me scared.

The humor was also pretty good. It’s a good reminder that games can bet serious AND a little bit silly with it.

The piano music was superb

The options menu was simple and bland. It didn’t need to be anything else. Everything it had could simple fall under “gameplay” or “audio” settings.

Conformed to the wonderful idea that text to speech voices are evil. Fuck tik tok.

Overall, it was a sick game! I might do a couple more replays tomorrow. Or I’ll move to something else.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Swiftli? Grant/Marco? Mercedes/Carol? Autumn Oak/Linda Stampler? (spreading my own propaganda <3)

For the ship ask thing :)

Also sorry that it’s kinda a lot lmao

Hiya!!! Hehe very interesting choices, love this, let's get to it!

Swiftli: COMFORT SHIP ALERT!!!

So, okay, the thing about this ship is that it's not my default ship for Linc or even necessarily Taylor? But that's not to say I'm conflicted, no, I really like these two together!

*Romantically* I think it kinda took me a while to feel the appeal of this ship? But then like... One night on a whim I found myself making a really silly playlist for them and... That made me understand it? At least what it is for me. This and, @raemeh (iirc) made a post about their first kiss being a surprisingly good one and- gee idk that made me go 😳 as well hahaha.

And yeah! Like I said this is absolutely a comfort ship for me, they're very silly and cute together, love to rotate them around in my head, might even write them at some point who knows!

Marco/Grant: OUGH THE CUTIE PATOOTIES OH MY GOSH I'M PUTTING THEM TOGETHER IN A LITTLE JAR AND SHAKING THEM AROUND AND THEN UH GIVING THEM SOME PRIVACY EHEHEH

At the start of S2 I think it's fair to say that of all the kiddads I was probably most curious to see what kind of person Grant ultimately got with, I suppose probably because relationship troubles are such a big thing for him in S1! And I just want the best for him honestly ahaaa

😫 And I wasn't disappointed! Marco is so sweet and they're so cute together and eghhsibgosesg-

Er, despite this I'd actually like to see some angst/conflict between them? Grant has a lot of explaining to do tbh, and I sorta don't want everything he's hid and lied about to go without consequences from Marco... But of course I'd want them to work everything out in the end! I think that would make me love them even more tbh.

In general I really just want more of these two in canon! They need to kiss... Otherwise, y'know in general I have a good chunk of ships for Grant but... Ultimately so long as Marco exists in the same universe, I tend to imagine them getting together in the long run.

Mercedes/Carol: Oooh interesting! Not a ship I've thought too much about tbh, but I could get behind it! I think my main hang-up if anything is that usually when I imagine ships with either Henry or Mercedes, either one of them doesn't exist in that universe or they never met, or it's a poly thing! In this case, I'd probably like this best if Hen and Mercedes have an open-relationship sorta deal (I mean they sorta canonically do?) and these two get involved with each other within that context. 🤔 Could also get behind a 4-way poly scenario with Darryl as well, but that's not a necessity by any means!

:0 I like the idea of Carol getting to experiment and maybe learning more about her sexuality and the like the way Darryl sort of got to in S1, and Mercedes would be a lovely person to see that happen with! Yeah, they'd be cute together I think!

Autumn/Linda (Ron's mom!): I'm so fascinated by this ship??? Also love that we've just established Linda's name haha good for her good for her.

You'll have to tell me more about how you see this ship before I come to any concrete feelings about it tbh! Still, I like the premise I mean, I guess they'd actually have a bunch going for them? On its own I love the idea of the omega daddies being divorced af and their exes getting together haha it's what they deserve. But yeah they could genuinely be quite good for each other! I imagine Linda must be pretty good at dealing with people with anger issues, she'd probably have the patience to be there for Autumn in a way that matters and help her work through some things. And Autumn is an underrated catch tbh haha- :o also a very powerful druid who could possibly help Linda with her chronic illness??? The fact that she had a bit of a thing for Ron also makes her getting with his mom pretty funny to me.

Yeah idk, like I said I'm fascinated, feel free to ramble about them!!!

OKAY hehe, thanks for the ask!!!! 💜

[faejilly]

Could I get a snippet of Mer!alec, please? You know how obsessed I al with that fic idea, so I am not above bribing or using puppy dog eyes.

[wip meme]

IT IS NOTHING BUT SNIPPETS, HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE? (Four, in honor of the url? Sounds good. Let's go.)

4:

Alec's turning, his coffee cradled between his hands, grasp loose and relaxed, eyes as warm as ever at the sight of Magnus. He's got the same soft smile he always does, and Magnus smiles back, helpless to resist as he steps forward to offer a kiss, a slow glide of his hand down the sleeve of Alec's shirt before his fingers can brush against the smooth skin of his wrist, can slip off the curve of a knuckle, avoiding any contact that might jar the mug. 

"Dressed already?" Magnus pouts even as he tries to steal Alec's coffee. 

Alec's lips quirk into half an almost exasperated smile, and he slides sideways just enough to show a second mug behind him on the counter, steam rising in appealingly soft swirls. 

He doesn't quite laugh as Magnus grabs at it dramatically, but Magnus can see the amusement glint in dark eyes.

3:

Alec settles again at the touch, his face smooth with uninterrupted sleep.

Now that he knows about it, Magnus can feel the magic beneath Alec's skin, an extra echo behind the usual steady thrum of Angelic blood. It rises and falls, just like waves, and here, in this warm dark almost silence of the middle of the night, he listens to the way it blends with Alec's breath, with his heart-beat, all three slow and steady with sleep.

He wonders how he missed it.

He wonders what else the Curse is hiding from them.

2:

Catarina lifts her head and frowns at him, as if she can tell he's not saying something. But then she shakes her head, and the crease between her brows fades to be replaced by about a half a smile and an amused light in her eyes. "Here I thought Alec had slowed down that restless flitting about that you do."

Magnus swallows. He's not sure if Catarina really thinks he's being flippant, or if the Curse just encouraged that reaction, and it makes him feel a little queasy to witness it happening in front of him. He can't think of anything safe to say, so he just shrugs.

1:

And rather than a quotation, have a previously posted smut!fic that I still haven't managed to work into the actual fic bits yet: kinktober mer!alec

[andymakesgames]

Designing to be a Shit-Stirrer

[This post adapted from a thread on my twitter]

Skirmish Society, my Discord-embedded wargame is coming out next week!

I talk a lot about how it draws inspiration from classic wargames games like Diplomacy but you may be surprised to hear that it was also influenced by reality shows like The Circle.

Here's a quick post on designing to be a shit-stirrer.

If you've ever played Diplomacy you know that tensions can run high. Lies & deceit are part of the game.

I wanted to bring that vibe to a game played on Discord.

The strategy mechanics are straightforward: moving armies around using support is fun and allows for deep gameplay.

But in such a secretive game, it can feel a little dead in the main channel. When playing these games IRL you see people sneak off for little conversations. The feeling that Things are happening is palpable. If you're not part of those convos, maybe you need to step up your game.

On Discord it's hard to know when other people are DMing. In some early Skirmish tests if felt like the bot was the only one posting.

I realized that the strategy element was largely solved. What I needed to do was create ~drama~. Bring the heat of those DMs out in the open.

This is where game shows come in. I want to give credit to Doug Wilson & Kurt Bieg (of Simple Machine) for turning me on to how brilliant some reality shows are.

As a game designer I was often quick to write off the mechanics in these shows. After all, they tend to be very simple.

But mechanical depth is not the goal. More often than not, the games are there to force social interactions, to pit people against each other who may not have a reason to rock the boat otherwise. They might reward immunities or other prizes, but that's besides the point.

[Side note: if you want brilliant mechanical depth in one of these shows, I cannot recommend De Mol season 8 enough. It's the the Belgium version of The Mole, and every episode had me screaming at my screen because of how clever the games are. It's great.]

While I was working on Skirmish Society, Netflix released The Circle. I love the Circle. Yes, it is very dumb, but it does a fascinating thing with its games. They don't count. Not even a little (at least mechanically). Players do not win immunity or anything else.

Players are sent home via votes and decisions that occur later in the day after any game was played.

But the players are very very bored in their hotel room/prison, so the minor social interaction that comes from personality-quiz-style games is enough to launch massive feuds that make or break alliances.

These public events inspire a lot of activity in private messages as well.

So that was my job with the Skirmish Commissioner bot. I could leave the tactics to the players. The bot's job was to be the television producer who occasionally shakes the jar to see what happens.

I tested a lot & wound up with two methods: Voting events and Discussion topics

Voting Events

Voting events are the obvious one. After a few turns, the bot introduces votes where the players will decide on a rules modification that will last one turn. The catch is that players must vote publicly. This is the only public action performed in the game.

The effects of the vote tend to be fairly minor in practice, but lines get drawn by who votes for what. A lot of politicking happens to sway the vote. It also gives players a bargaining chip when cutting deals ("I'll vote with you if you support me here").

Votes become a space where targets get painted too. "If we vote for X Jenny will be able to do Y. We can't let her!"

When there is some tangible action the group can take to hurt a specific player, other players become more vocal about concerns they may have kept to themselves.

Discussion Topics

Votes are important to keep the main channel active, but there is another, more subtle approach that the Commissioner Bot uses: Discussion topics.

Once per day (after all of the relevant info about the turn has been posted) the bot will post a randomized question.

In the first few turns, these questions are frequently ignored by players, but later on they can become big sticking points. Some are direct ("Who is being overlooked?") some are vague ("How's everybody doing?"), but they provide just enough space for players to air concerns.

And of course, this can prompt players (especially those in the lead), to react defensively, possibly tipping their hands.

There is no mechanical weight to these prompts, and players could ignore them entirely.

But they almost never do.

This was a hard to concept for me to wrap my head around as a fairly formalist game designer! But reality shows have been doing it for ages.

A lot of the design of the bot came together for me when I realized this was its real job: just stir the pot.

If you want to create some drama in your Discord, Skirmish Society will be released on Tuesday 1/24 for free!

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Finally thanks to all my collaborators! This was a big project and I could not have done it alone!

Backend Programming by Dustin Long Frontend Programming by Walt Mitchell and Nick Santaniello Icons by Chris Hernandez & Jane Friedhoff for teaching me node & Firebase

Trailer by Trash Panda QC

[redladydeath]

Compiling all the Proto Vox stuff that I didn't include in the master post because it heavily features my OCs here.

It'd require some weighing of options on Vox's part. He might not even know they're in Hell since he's kept so cloistered in his overlord's base. If he did somehow find out, first he'd have to decide if he needs to tell his boss. She has the resources to make sure they end up somewhere safe, but Vox is certain that the only way she'll agree do so is if he sells her his soul (they have a deal, but she doesn't completely own him yet), cutting off any hope that he might escape her one day. Even then, there's a good chance she'd use them to torment him, and he's not sure he could handle his children seeing him like this. But if he doesn't do something, who knows what could happen to them on streets of Hell, stuck in children's bodies for the rest of eternity (a condition he's now intimately familiar with)? It’s sort of a test of Vox's selfishness. I feel like his worse instincts might win out.

The second option is Niffty. If he's met her by the time of this discovery, he has to decide if he trusts her enough to 1) hand her this incredibly sensitive piece of information about himself, and 2) take care of his children. It's a better option than "do nothing" or "possibly fuck up you and your kids' afterlives for good," but he doesn't know Niffty well enough to tell if it's truly a safe option.

Hopefully, the kids eventually wandered into Cannibal Town and were taken in by Rosie. If not, and Niffty does manage to find them and convince them that their dad sent her, I can see them developing a bit of a resentment of him for knowing where they are but being completely MIA for a decade, even after he's freed from his boss, not wanting them to see him until he's finally comfortable with his body.

-

Now I’m wondering what Rosie (and/or Niffty) would be like as the kid’s parent? Would she give them to Vox after he’s comfortable with his appearance or keep them? Would the kids even want to leave Rosie?

Niffty would give them back, once Vox is willing to take them. She always wanted to be a mother, but she knows they're not hers to keep. At first, it would sort of be a similar situation to the main AU where they're stuck in an apartment while Niffty's at work, but she'd definitely be a more comforting, attentive presence than Vox. She'd enjoy doting on them once she has the resources. Since he knows where Thomas and Sarah are in this scenario, Vox might write them letters, just to let them know that he hasn't abandoned them.

Rosie would be a great mom, although I feel like she probably has a bit of a "it takes a village" mindset, given how community-focused Cannibal Town seems to be. Having an attentive, loving, emotionally intelligent parent is almost as jarring to Fineas and Ondine as having to get used to eating human flesh and pretending like it's the 1890s all the time (ironically, Ondine probably takes to the cannibalism easier since pilot fish are carnivorous).

I could see Vox reuniting with them by accident in the Rosie scenario: he accompanies Alastor to Cannibal Town to visit a friend, notices some aquatic sinner children who look out of place among all the mostly-human cannibals, takes a closer look, and HOLY SHIT THOSE ARE HIS KIDS. They might not recognize him at first since he looks so different, but after seeing his reaction and listening to the cadence of his voice (Proto Vox sounds mostly the same as normal Vox, but with a slightly higher voice (and possibly a lisp)), they realize who he is. Not exactly the reunion any of them were hoping for/expecting. How their future relationship shakes out depends on if Vox knew they were dead/if he can lie convincingly enough to get them to believe he didn't know they were in Hell. Alastor thinks this whole situation is hilarious.

What if Carmilla found the kids? That would be fun. I am very sure she wouldn’t give the kids back the Vox. Clara & Odette becoming big sisters to Sarah & Thomas sound super cute. (Does anyone have any good headcannons on Clara & Odette? They are pretty blank slates in cannon. I like @kaledya’s idea of Clara being the one to make the weapons and Odette being the one to test them but even that’s not that deep.) Oooh and uncle Zestial I almost forgot!!!!! Do you think Sarah & Thomas would ask him questions all the time since he’s so old?

I don't think Carmilla would take them in. While she does have a soft side, she seems like she's mostly a "me and mine" type of person. Overlords tend not to do things out of the kindness of their heart. Rosie's willing to take people in not just because she's empathetic, but because she seems to draw her power from having a large community of people, and thus, bringing more people into the fold benefits her. Carmilla's an arms dealer who has no use for stranger children who can't do anything for her– if she picked up every stray she came across, she wouldn't be as successful as she is now.

(Also, I can totally see Vox putting his kids in a fishtank in this scenario.) Would the kids even want to leave Rosie? (Thomas would definitely not, but what about Sarah? Would this be enough to stop putting her father on a pedestal and admit that he sucks?)

The kids are in a tough situation. There are so many branching paths here.

Niffty shows up out of nowhere and takes them in, saying their dad sent her. She gives them letters from him; he says he can't see them right now, but he'll come get them eventually. They know that he must not be too tied up though, since Niffty goes to visit him regularly. Years pass and he doesn't make any attempt to reunite with them. They start to wonder if Niffty is faking the letters. And then Vox finally shows up, newly christened as an overlord and ready to take them back as though nothing happened.

Thomas and Sarah wander into Cannibal Town. They're taken in by the community and provided safety in exchange for conforming to their way of life. They spend years getting accustomed to living like that, only to reunite with their father via a chance encounter. He insists that he had no idea that they were in Hell and, if that doesn't work, that he couldn't come seek them out– he was trapped! ...until a couple years ago. They have no idea whether he's telling the truth or not.

The Cannibal Town scenario, except Vox only shows up after attaining overlord status. Clearly he knew where they were since he's not acting surprised that they're here. People don't become overlords overnight. He's been here for years, knowing exactly where they were, but never trying to contact them.

Thomas and Sarah have every right to be bitter and distrustful of him, regardless of the specific circumstances. Sarah would be more inclined to be understanding in the Niffty scenario since at least he was trying to maintain contact with them, but there's still a strong sense of abandonment. The fact he was an absentee father when they were alive doesn't help matters; he didn't want them in life, of course he wouldn't want them in death. Thomas is beyond pissed in the Rosie scenario, believing that his dad intentionally left him and his baby sister to wander the streets of Hell because seeking them out would be too much effort. Sarah... she still wants to love her dad, but it's been so long and they've been through so much, she can't help but think that Thomas' view of things is probably right. Having Sarah turn on him would be heartbreaking for Vox. Part of the reason he was so fond of her was because of the way she always saw the best in him, regardless of how often he fell short of her expectations.

It's a nasty situation, but... Vox isn't going to take "no" for an answer. He's taking back his children, whether they want to go with him or not. In option 2, Alastor has to ask Vox to find somewhere else to live since he'd rather not be holding children in his home against their will. In options 1 and 3, the fish tank finally makes an appearance. Vox wasn't able to keep them safe when they first fell, but now he'll never leave them on their own again.

-

Vox is a fundamentally selfish person. He’s fully capable of love and can make the right decisions if the circumstances are right, but in this scenario, he makes a selfish (yet understandable) choice that leads to more selfish, less understandable decisions until he finally ends up wrecking his opportunity to have a real second chance with his kids.

If RAM happens, it’s more or less the same as the non-Proto Vox scenario, just with more complicated feelings. Val and Vel keep them around because they’re good for Vox. Vox is deep in his delusions and doesn’t remember the whole fish tank thing. Fineas is bitter, Ondine is struggling.

Things are made especially weird if Vox has reverted back to his old body. Fineas and Ondine finally understand the real reason he avoided coming to get them all those years and that he was telling the truth about being unable to do so… at first. It’s not a good enough reason. They might be able to forgive him somewhat in the Niffty scenario. Not sure about the Rosie scenario. Either way, seeing him in that body, caught up in old memories, is like pulling teeth (it’d also be pretty rough in an AU with Proto Vox and young adult Fineas and Ondine, although a lot more straightforward).

I can imagine Sarah singing “Neptune” by SJ Tucker and “Better Off Gone” by Jakeneurton to try and finally move on from her father. Do you think “Never Love An Anchor” by The Crane Wives would fit Vox in this scenario?

I suppose. “Guilty not remorseful” is a good line for Vox in this scenario.

Aside from Valentino and Velvette not letting them go, I’m not sure they’d be able to bring themselves to return to Rosie, knowing she’ll welcome Alastor back with open arms once he returns.

Charlie is, uh. regretting not getting to know more about her residents before now (granted, Vox wouldn’t’ve been able to tell her about this whole mess even if she had asked).

She’s not enthusiastic about it per se, it’s just easier for her than Fineas. Sarah’s usually very skittish, getting upset at the sight of blood (unless the circumstances have desensitized her to it), but… well, it’s not like she has another option.

-

I Must Torment The Television

Vox catches sight of Sarah and Thomas on the street during a rare excursion out of the base just a few days before the Extermination. He panics; there isn’t enough time to figure out a better option, so he agrees to sell his soul to his boss in exchange for her taking them off the street and keeping them safe. They negotiate the contract very closely. Vox attempts to cover all his bases, trying to ensure his boss can’t reveal who he is to the kids; he can’t bear for them to see him like this. The deal goes through. His boss compliments him on what a good father he is. Vox feels like his “life” is over.

Vox’s boss holds up her end of the bargain and takes the kids off the streets, giving them a safe place to live… at her compound. They’re confused why this one overlord suddenly took them in when everyone else just pretended they were invisible, but it feels rude to look a gift horse in the mouth. The overlord seems very kind and doting, so maybe she just has a soft spot for children?

Vox doesn’t know the kids are at the compound, believing that he worded the contract in such a way that she’d have to send them somewhere else. Things continue as they had been for a while (just with Vox internally despairing that he's now stuck here forever), until one day, while Vox’s boss is toying with him, Sarah comes knocking on the door, wanting to ask the overlord about something.

The overlord enthusiastically invites her in. Vox is horrified seeing Sarah walk through the door and buries his face in his boss’ shirt, feeling as though if he looks Sarah in the eye, she’ll somehow know it’s him. Sarah notices Vox hiding from her and asks his boss if she did something to scare him. The overlord assures her that she didn’t do anything wrong; he’s usually not this shy, but meeting new people can be scary sometimes!

Vox keeps his face buried in his boss’ torso, absolutely mortified. The overlord tells him to look at their guest and say “hello.” He glances at Sarah for a millisecond and mumbles a very clipped “hi,” before going back to hiding his face. The overlord just laughs indulgently.

Vox feels as though he could crawl out of his “skin” when Sarah asks his boss if she’s his mommy— he is sitting on her lap, after all. The overlord delightedly explains that, no, she’s not his mother, he’s just her sweet little jester. She asks Sarah if she's ever had a favorite baby doll that she enjoyed bringing everywhere; that’s what Vox is to her.

Sarah feels a bit weird, privately wondering if Vox is actually a person or just an enchanted, life-sized toy due to his wooden body, but moves on, inquiring if she can ask the overlord something. Vox’s boss obliges and Sarah asks how long her and Tommy will be allowed to stay here, and if they’ll have to go back to the streets. Kindly and warm, the overlord tells her that they're welcome to stay as long as they like.

They chat for a bit as Vox is reeling, trying to figure out if his boss has violated the terms of their contract just to humiliate him. She was supposed to send the kids somewhere else, right?! Right?! The two finish their conversation, and the overlord tells Sarah that she’s welcome to come play with Vox any time she wants. Sarah shyly agrees, says goodbye to Vox and his boss, and exits the room.

Vox, besides himself with fear, anger, and humiliation, pulls his face from his boss’ shirt and shakily says that she broke the deal; she was supposed to send the kids somewhere else, and she isn’t allowed to let them know who he is. The overlord just smiles down at him, pointing out that she only agreed to keep them somewhere safe. Where’s safer than her compound? And she has no intention of revealing who he is to the children. If they figure it out on their own, well, he should be pleased that they know their father so well!

Vox spends his next couple encounters with the kids doing everything in his power to avoid speaking. Eventually, though, the truth comes out when his boss orders him to sing while in their presence.

-

okay, new agonizing scenario: what if the kids never recognized him? what if vox looks, sounds, and acts so different that it never even crosses their minds that he could be their father? so vox just has to sit there, playing the fool in front of his unsuspecting children and having his boss offer to share him with them like a literal toy until alastor shows up.

-

Thinking about Sarah taking the overlord up on her offer and visiting Vox when he finally has some downtime, asking if they could play. Vox is horrified to see her in his room. He's desperate to avoid letting her hear his voice, so, on the spot, he decides to start communicating solely through title cards displayed on his screen. Sarah's a bit confused why he isn't talking now even though he spoke when she first met him, but Vox makes up some spontaneous lie about being on the fritz. Good enough for Sarah. She wishes he could talk though; she's only a second grader, so the title cards can sometimes be a little hard for her to read. Shyly, she asks Vox again about playing; it's lonely, only spending time with Tommy and a bunch of random adults every day. Vox is mortified, but he doesn't want to raise suspicion by kicking up a fuss, or give his boss a reason to be cross with him now that she has such strong leverage against him, so he reluctantly shifts into performance mode and does something he's only done a handful of times: he actually plays with one of his children.

-

Thank you so much for tagging me! I feel honored. So Juicy!!! The idea that Vox loves his kids so much that he sold his soul is heartbreakingly beautiful. I’m absolutely in love with Vox’s complicated relationship with Sarah & Thomas. Vox will stuff them into a fish tank for disobeying him or leave them on the street because his ego couldn’t handle their reaction to his appearance, but he will SELL HIS SOUL to keep them safe. SO. MANY. LAYERS!!! (He’s like an onion!)

Vox doesn’t feel particularly selfless for making the choice he did. Of course he couldn’t leave his own children to die by an exorcist’s blade. He’s only been dead for a couple years at this point and has spent most of that time locked up in a gilded cage, so his baseline human morality is still mostly intact. If there was a better option, he would’ve taken it, but he only had a matter of days to find a way to save them from permadeath, and, as painful as it was, this was the only option he had.

From a more Doyalist perspective, it’s just fun to explore different possibilities. What if Vox did make the “right” choice in this scenario? What would the circumstances need to be in order for him to make that choice?

Wonder how Alastor deals with this? Maybe he gives the kids to Rosie (at least until Vox has accumulated enough power and modified his body, though I guess this could be a 4th branch: After Alastor kills Vox’s Overlord and they become friends Vox asks if Al knows anyone who could look after his kids. Alastor suggests Rosie and soon the kids find themselves in Cannibal Town, with the occasional letter from their father and a visit from Alastor who claims to be their Dad’s friend.)

Things are awkward and humiliating and sad once the kids figure out who Vox is, but once they’re over that hump, things mellow out. Vox is with his boss most of the time, but when he’s not, the kids (mostly Sarah) try to spend time with him. He’s sort of reluctant to see them most of the time since he’s so ashamed of what he’s been reduced to, but they live in the same building, so it’s hard to be avoidant without being outright rude. Sarah’s not judging him. She’s not judging him at all, but he can’t fully believe that. Thomas is trying to figure out if he pities his dad for the sorry state he’s in or if he agrees with Vox's boss that he kinda deserves it, so he mostly avoids him as well.

When Alastor abducts him, after he assures Vox that he has no intention of harming him, Vox requests that they go back for the kids. A power struggle is going to break out once Alastor starts broadcasting his boss’ screams, and who knows what will happen to them if they get caught in the crossfire. Alastor obliges but says he’d rather not have two children trailing after him. They come to the decision that Rosie is the best possible option and take them to live with her.

The kids aren’t sure how to feel about their dad handing them off to someone else; they can’t tell if this is a legit necessity or if Vox just doesn’t want them around. He communicates with them mostly through letters unless Alastor insists that he accompany him on his visits to Rosie. There’s a bit of a feeling of abandonment, but they both know how much he hates them seeing him in his Hell form, and knowing the reason makes it a bit easier to understand. Still doesn’t feel great though.

He starts willingly visiting them in person once he starts getting real deep into the augmentations. Sarah’s just glad to see him (and see him happy), Tom’s got complicated feelings, as usual. When he achieves overlord status + his ideal body, he takes them back and starts trying to make up for lost time, doing everything he can to impress them and reestablish himself as The Masculine, Respectable Father. No fish tank, just a lot of overcompensating that never feels like enough.

-

Emotional. Sarah's beyond touched that he was willing to do that in order to keep them safe. Vox can do basically any awful thing he wants now and Sarah will never waver in her belief that he's A Good Father/Person, Actually. Thomas... uh, it's messy. He resents his dad and was trying to get comfortable with thinking his new form was deserved, but now that he knows that Vox is willing to stick out his neck for them like that, everything's suddenly become all complicated. So he does love them after all? Why only now? Does he actually love them, or did he only do it because that's what he "should" do? He doesn't really get a chance to unpack all those feelings though, given how much he and Vox avoid each other.

-

Sarah : Feels bad for Vox and tries not to make a big deal out of his new appearance/job.

Thomas : Thinks the situation is kind of weird and uncomfortable, but also feels like Vox deserves it, at least to a certain extent. It’s complicated.

Helen : Would laugh her ass off if she could see where her shitheel of a husband is now. It’s so cathartic, seeing him be humiliated, especially by a woman. Might have some reservations about the physical abuse his boss sometimes inflicts on him, but mostly thinks this is karma.

-

vaguely thinking about a scene where vox runs into his wife of all people while performing at a party. she recognizes him by his voice and jumps at the opportunity to get him in (relative) private to taunt him. vox is mortified when he realizes who this random wasp lady really is. at first, he tries to pretend that he has no idea who this "vaughn" guy she's talking about is, but once it becomes clear that she's not buying it, he starts hissing out insults at her as she laughs about how cute his act was.

queenie's only there to be some powerful person's arm candy, and vox will 100% start calling her a slut and a whore and god knows what else once he realizes she's a sex worker now.

vox better hope that his boss doesn't notice this interaction, because she would be fucking thrilled to meet his ex-wife.

only after this little reunion ends does vox calm down enough to think through what the implications of helen being there actually are. she's dead. tommy and sarah are orphans now. they're probably being cared for by their grandparents– possibly his parents. the ones he had deliberately cut out of his life. the ones who, the moment thomas was born, had asked him if he would be getting him involved in the industry once he was old enough (i.e., as soon as he could walk). between that and the humiliation he just endured, vox feels like he's going to be sick.

-

(Just had a thought: When Alastor kills an Overlord do all the souls they owned transfer over to him? If yes, does that mean Alastor would own Vox’s soul? How would the dynamics change? I’m guessing the Mindbreak never happens in this timeline since Alastor would be in full control of Vox (who definitely doesn’t become an Overlord). Does that mean in the future he becomes part of the Hotel staff? How would Vox react to Mindbreak Niffty? Does Niffty even become Mindbroken? Would Velvette and Valentino still become Overlords? [Wait did I just combine 60s Swap & Proto Vox-?]

I think when an overlord is killed, their murderer has the choice to steal their contracts or just let them be nullified. Alastor seems like the type to alternate. Sometimes, he lets everyone go free, sometimes he adds them to his collection. Whatever will be more entertaining/beneficial to him. If Alastor takes possession of Vox’s soul, then yeah, I don’t think they’d be able to break apart since Al can just force Vox to stop doing anything he doesn’t approve of. It sort of ends up as what most people theorize Alastor and Niffty’s relationship in canon is: Al owns Vox, but Vox isn’t all that upset about it. Maybe a bit resentful that he’s been stuck in the same role for 70 years, but overall, he and Alastor still get on fine. Al might get curious about his mind-destroying powers, but he doesn’t target Niffty. Val definitely still becomes an overlord, although Al could eventually take possession of him à la the 60s swap AU. Vel could make it on her own, or she could get snatched up by Niffty or whoever.

Tbh, this is now basically just a regular role swap, minus the RAM stuff.

[Wait new idea: 60s Swap + Proto Vox. Wonder how different Valentino and Velvette’s relationship with Vox would be?]

Not significantly different. It takes a while for them to get past Vox’s appearance, but eventually, they start recognizing the parts of him that they respect and like. Val and Vox might even end up dating in the non-RAM path. Val loves his evil little toon, and Vox does his best to talk Alastor out of hurting Val too badly when he steps out of line.

-

Would Alastor let Vox augment his body if he owned his soul? (Just read the rest of the post, I guess no then?)

Maybe at first, but something might go down between them that makes Alastor go "Nope, no more, go back." Or he could've said no from the start, so Vox doesn't have to go through the heartache of tasting something better only to be forced back to square one. Either works.

Vox eventually learns to use his appearance to his advantage though. He's still not fond of it, but he has to admit, it's really easy to get people to trust you when you look like you couldn't hurt a fly. He and Alastor (and later he and Valentino, when Al goes missing) have a nice little scam going where Vox acts as bait before the other one pounces, turning the tables on the victim. Trust him, he's just a wittle guy :3c

It’s interesting (and a little sad) that one of the few scenarios where Alastor & Vox’s is happy and fluffy is the one where Alastor OWNS VOX’S SOUL.

One of the toxic yaoi couples of all time. Both of them are just like "All I need is to own you, mind, body, and soul, and then everything will be great between us!"

“Tbh, this is now basically just a regular role swap, minus the RAM stuff.” Well at least we can have fluff without too much darkness in the background. “Val and Vox might even end up dating in the non-RAM path. Val loves his evil little toon and Vox does his best to talk Alastor out of hurting Val too badly when he steps out of line.” The mental image of Valentino snuggling with Proto is way too adorable!! I need that fanart!!

Suddenly remembering a post where someone suggested that Proto Vox, janky Lolita clown Velvette from the pilot, and theoretical caterpillar Val should be a team. The future of the hotel belongs to the Vees!

-

Yeah, I like the idea of her being an orchid mantis. It fits her whole "sweet on the outside, dangerous on the inside" thing. Mantises don't do this, but I have this mental image of her face being smooth and human-looking, but being able to unfold to reveal her mandibles+more alarming features when angered. Also, the gender dynamics work well given her resentment of entitled men and how small males of that species are compared to females.

Between this lady, Helen/Queenie, and Valentino, Vox just has a knack for getting into toxic/abusive "relationships" with insect demons.

-

I've only recently begun to think about her as a character rather than just a force that does things to Vox, so I've only got a handful of traits for her so far:

Was a loving mother and devoted wife when alive. However, her husband was abusive both verbally/emotionally and physically. Might be in Hell for killing him, but that feels a little too obvious.

Has a deep resentment of entitled men who think they can treat the women and children in their lives like trash.

Doesn't feel like she deserves to be in Hell for whatever she did. Decided to do a 180 and give in to all her worst impulses since apparently this is what you get for being "good". Eventually gains the mindset of "Well, if I'm stuck here, I might as well torment those who actually deserve Hell." She believes her cruelty is justified, but in reality it's mostly just an excuse to take out her directionless anger on others.

Became an overlord after Alastor's initial purge, so some time in the mid-late 1930s or 1940s.

Has a preconceived notion of the type of man Vox is/was (arrogant, condescending, cruel to those around him). It's accurate, but it's mostly guesswork. In her mind, she can do whatever she wants to him and it will always be justified– men like him deserve to feel like they're nothing. She's his punishment, and he's her toy.

Arrogant. Thinks she can tell the type of person someone is just by looking at them. Likes to play mind games.

Beautiful and glamorous. Hides her more demonic traits in order to lure people in better.

Miiiiiiiight start to buy her own bullshit about Vox loving her towards the end or think she's broken him, not realizing he's just gotten really good at keeping up the act.

Vox miiiiiiiight have somehow instigated Alastor coming to kill her. He wanted OUT.

The vibes of the picture you included are fitting, even if the fur is a bit much. She treats Vox like a purse dog, so "glamorous rich woman" is probably the right aesthetic for her. WAIT I JUST REALIZED. INSECTS+SICKLY SWEET+HIDING A DARKER NATURE: SHE HAS OTHER MOTHER VIBES.

Not sure about her industry. I feel like it has to be something significantly monetizable, but I'm not sure what. Could have something to do with entertainment and that's why Vox went to her specifically, thinking that he was going to get a normal job, but idk.

-

I don't think so. I think most overlords have personal moral lines they won't cross, but it's very rare for them to do something selfless if there's nothing in it for them. There's a difference between "not hurting children" and "going out of your way to protect children," after all. I think Vox's boss would dote on Thomas and Sarah once she had them, but she wouldn't've looked twice if Vox hadn't drawn her attention to them and presented her with such a delectable offer.

-

Looked at a list of major industries and I found four that I thought might be good:

Pharmaceuticals (would sort of tie back into the possible plant theme)

New media (would be appealing to Vox at first)

Advertising (maybe Vox learned a few things while with her that he'd use in this future career)

Retail (so like, owning Hell's department stores)

-

Yeah, I think pharmaceuticals might be the way to go. Maybe she was a pharmacist in life who started poisoning people she had grudges against. It could also be part of the reason why she chose Vox as a “companion”; it’s more of a challenge for her to break his will since he’s not affected by drugs like biological sinners are (no mouth, no lungs, etc.)

-

Decided to nail down some backstory concepts for Proto Vox's boss.

Fell in love with a charming older man when she was young (18 or 19). Married him and moved away from the community she’d lived in all her life to join him in his small hometown. Husband ran an apothecary/pharmacy, so she began helping him run it.

Once they were married, her husband turned abusive, hitting her, forcing her to have sex when she didn’t want to, and verbally belittling her. They had four children (3 sons and 1 youngest daughter), who he would occasionally turn his ire on too.

Things remained the same for a little over ten years. Eventually, she reached her breaking point. Desperate and scared, she used her knowledge from years of working in the apothecary to slowly poison her husband. To everyone else, it looked as though he’d just gotten sick, and no one bothered to look any deeper into things when he died.

Her eldest son was too young to inherit the business, so she began managing it herself. She started forming close relationships with the other women in her community, learning about their struggles with their own husbands. Once she realized she was in the clear regarding her husband’s murder, she eventually convinced herself that doing the same to other people’s abusive spouses would be doing them a favor. When one of those men became sick, and their wives came to her, she would lace their medication with poison, slowly killing them. This happened at least twice.

As he aged, her eldest son tried to take on more responsibilities in/control over the apothecary. She refused to let him, insisting that she would take care of it and he should just relax and enjoy his childhood. He began to resent her and slowly became more like his father as he aged. Eventually, as he reached adulthood and their conflict became worse, she convinced herself that she had to kill him too; she’d be doing the world a favor by taking out someone so similar to her dead husband. She successfully poisoned him to death, but given his young age and the way death seemed to follow her, people finally became suspicious.

She was investigated by local law enforcement and was eventually arrested. She either killed herself in prison rather than face execution or died at the gallows. Died believing that everything she’d done had been justified and was outraged when she woke up in Hell.

Manifested as an orchid mantis demon due to the way she used poisonous plants to kill her husband and other men. Sinner name options are “Azalea,” “Belladonna,” and “Lantana.” Eventually became the Overlord of the pharmaceutical industry after Alastor’s first purge in the 1930s. 

Was approached by a recently deceased Vox in 1957. He was desperate to get off the streets since he was such an easy target for other sinners. She thought he was adorable and struck a deal with him: she would provide him with a safe place to live in exchange for his services as an entertainer. Vox, too desperate and green to fully think it through (other than refusing to give her his soul), agreed.

Soon, she began to get a sense of what kind of man Vox was beneath his precious exterior— arrogant, self-centered, and entirely too much like the men she had once killed. Despite Vox refusing to tell her much, if anything, about his human life, she started filling in the gaps mentally, making assumptions that weren’t entirely accurate (Vox was verbally/emotionally abusive towards his wife but never beat her or their children). However, instead of killing him, she began deliberately humiliating him and trying to break his spirit/pride. She thought it was cathartic, taking this man with an over-inflated sense of his own importance and treating him like a silly little boy at best, a mindless pet or doll at worst. He deserved to feel like he was nothing. Obviously.

-

Honestly, after four years under her thumb, Vox found Alastor's cheerful, openly callous brand of evil refreshing. At least he never tried to pretend what he was doing was for anyone's sake other than his own.

Of course, later on, Vox would learn that Alastor did, in fact, have standards that he held himself and those close to him to. It was infuriating to Vox to have yet another person get all high-and-mighty with him when he'd seen them inflict horrific acts of cruelty with his own two eyes.

Vox eventually found the "honesty" he was looking for when he met Valentino.

[quixilvers]

thesis statement

hey, i'm peebs/bee. this is my oc blog where i might also talk about personal writing projects. the jury's still out. i've sort of always wanted to archive all my oc posts in one place like a scrapbook but i don't have the pinterest-user's temperament, so tumblr it is. enjoy if you browse!

rough tag explanation under the cut -

i like emojis. i think they're cute and fun. sue me.

🍰 - my "slice of life" ocs. i dreamt up a lot of these characters in high school and they've done a lot of growing with me over the years, but i don't have any particular story for them. i just sort of shake them around in a jar every few months.

👑 - AFT, aka "abstract fantasy thing," the first attempt at a fantasy novel i ever made. i had a lot of grand plans about shady political plots and faked deaths and forest witch macguffins that never quite came together, but i was also 15, so.

💀 - "necromess" (can you tell that placeholder titles are killing me?), my high school necromancy novel. the rough outline is that a band geek with necromantic powers (largely unexplained, a la pushing daisies) accidentally hits the star lacrosse player with her car in the middle of the night and is forced to bring him back to life, but he doesn't come back quite right. to fix him she has to get to know him through the popular crowd he hung out with, and she might uncover a more sinister plot by the school's queen bees along the way.

🌲 - the coparenting emoji. all of these ocs actually belong to my best friend snail, but we've been writing together for over a decade now, so the line of who actually owns whom is in constant flux.

🔍 - mystery girls. this is a small-college murder mystery i started developing while attending a small college. go figure. when max's boyfriend justin turns up dead, she's forced to link up with justin's sister jessamine, justin's tutor yvette, and rylan, the last person to see justin alive, if she wants to figure out what happened to him. they all kind of hate each other in a homoerotic way.

✨ - "refraction," my magical girl group. this is another one that never got off the ground, but i wanted to try my hand at writing epic fights and conceptualizing fun and unique powers.

🔮 - "noire," my urban fantasy detectives. i'm talkin dingy smoky office with a frosted glass door. i'm talkin run-ins with the mob except the mob is comprised of gatormen. i'm talkin magical freelance autopsy. this is a vibes piece first and foremost.

⚔️ - QST, or "quest" if you're regular. high-fantasy prophecy story in which the chosen one must march toward his death knowingly, because he's just that selfless of a guy, while the wizard guiding him forth and the rogue tagging along to "make sure he doesn't fuck up" fall deeply in love with him. and each other.

🪦 - "spectral distancing," a short story i wrote during pandemic isolation. it follows cleo, a college kid with a summer job cleaning up graves, and the ghost of a dead woman who follows her home. having recently lost her older sister to a car accident, she handles this new visitor in an extremely well-adjusted way. her friends murphy and will exist in the background to support her and also so i can dream up increasingly indulgent ot3 scenarios with them.

🌙 - "a night in castle de lune," aka "whoops, all monsterfucking!" nell needs a magical cure for her brother's illness and sneaks into the creepy vampire castle on the outskirts of town to steal it from his hoard. a whole host of creatures stands between her and her goal—but she'd do anything to save her brother.

to reiterate, mostly i'll be archiving my main blog's oc posts and categorizing new ones here, but if the spirit moves me i might post writing excerpts too. thanks for reading if you made it this far 💚

[primofate]

Headcanon

Scenario: Levels of Intimacy

Characters: gn! reader x Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Childe, Zhongli, Xiao, Chongyun, Venti, Dainsleif

Masterlist

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Diluc

When you first start dating, is a man of few words, but definitely shows that he cares. Is the type who sends you flowers but doesn't say anything about it.

Gradually warms up a bit more as time passes.

Is not a fan of public displays of affections but you'll notice that he'll touch you in subtle ways. Touching your lower back to steer you to the right path, touching your shoulder to get your attention, touching your arm when he just feels like it.

You'll catch him looking at you once in a while and when you ask what's wrong he shakes his head and will say something like, "Nothing, just got distracted,"

When you're alone, will lay his head on your lap for whatever reason. Will usually be reading a book and the next time you glance at him he would have fallen asleep, peaceful look on his face.

People will notice that his mood changes when you're around. He's a lot less on edge and will take a more relaxed stance.

People will also notice the gentle look on his face when he talks to you, compared to the stiff look he gives others.

Will give heaps of forehead kisses.

Kaeya

Has no problem showing affection right from the beginning.

Cheek kisser. Anywhere, anytime. Whenever he feels like it, for no reason at all.

When you're out in town, the type who will sneak up behind you, cover your eyes with his hands and ask, breath above a whisper and near your ear, "Guess who?" you know who it is every time.

If not that, then he'll just hug you from behind and "Caught you, you're coming with me," mischievous glint in his eyes.

People will notice how he can't seem to take his eyes off of you.

Is somehwhat flirtatious but always reminds you that you're number one. "I might look like I'm joking, but trust me, I'm serious about you,"

When you're alone, is the type who will take you in his arms, drop you in bed and just cuddle with you while playing with your hair.

Albedo

Doesn't say much when you first start dating. Actually you don't even know when exactly you guys started dating, you just had a hunch that it was happening because he starts to give you kisses on the top of your head whenever you would part ways with him.

When you ask about it, "Hm? Dating...? Yes, I suppose that's what you call it. I'd rather call it as an exclusive privilege to you,"

Asks for your company whenever he can. You don't do much, but just watch him work. He's happy with just being in the same room as you.

Will sometimes be conscious about the fact that you might be bored "Here, would you like to try?" is just an excuse for him to guide your hand on how to do specific alchemy experiments.

When he feels tired and burnt out will just appear next to you and hug you round the waist, rest his head on your shoulder and murmur "Just a small break,"

When you're out in town together and someone comments about it being rare to see Master Albedo accompanied by someone, he would reply back gesturing at you, "They are... My life partner. So, it's only natural you'd see us together."

Life partner=his word to indicate that you're dating

When you're alone, would ask you to fix his hair or tie his hair up cause "you're the only one who knows how to do it properly, aside from me,"

Childe

Absolutely cannot keep his hands to himself.

Always greets you with some form of hug, usually bear hugs or let me nuzzle into your neck hugs.

Would glue you to his hip if he could.

Visibly happy in public with you, dotes on you and asks you what you'd like to do today.

People can literally see hearts hovering around his head when you're around.

Hand holding a must.

Will not let you do any manual work or labor. Got something to carry? Will take it from you. Need to wash the dishes? Just use his vision. Having trouble with that jar? He might break it for causing you so much trouble.

When you're alone, will always be the big spoon and trail kisses on your neck.

Has a permanent smile plastered on his face when he sees you. "You're just too cute!"

Zhongli

This man is gentle and yet manages to be firm about what he wants, which is you, and no one else.

Does not show a wide range of emotions, he's either calm and collected or agitated and cautious, depending on situations that concern you.

Agitated and cautious because he feels like you're such a fragile thing.

Will enjoy watching your face light up at his suggestions and will get that soft hint of a smile on his face. "Strange, this effect you have on me. Quite an extraordinary thing, and that would be saying a lot considering I've been around for thousands of years,"

When he accompanies you out to town will walk a step behind you but regularly check on you by standing next to you, and reaching out to touch your shoulder that is further away from him. Thus you're momentarily in a semi-side hug. "Everything alright?"

When someone in public comments about you and him making a cute couple, he feels a sense of pride and confirms it. "It is as you say. I wonder from time to time how I've managed to have someone like them stay with me,"

When alone with you, is the type to pull you on their lap and keep you there for as long as he can while he works.

Xiao

Is totally a cold one even if you start dating. But it doesn't mean that he doesn't care, he just has his own way of showing it.

However the more you grow on him the more you find out that he gets flustered unusually easy.

When you suggest a date, for example, his face will get that subtle hint of red. "I-I don't have time for that,"

Sometimes he would say he wouldn't want to do something with you, but then when he finds out you went and did it by yourself he gets moody. "Huh? You already went to get ice-cream?!" will glare at nothing in particular until you say you can go with him next time. "Fine..."

Has periods of being worried that you're tired of him. You know when it happens because he gets quiet, and he will suddenly just grab your wrist, look at the ground, and mumble "... I know I'm not the best at showing and saying how I feel but..." you understand anyway, and are happy with just that.

Is actually extremely possessive. Usually will not hold your hand when walking around town but when a man somehow approaches you he's there in the next second and pulls you into a back hug while staring the guy down.

When you're alone, loves to have you lay your head on his lap and have quiet conversations with you.

Chongyun

is a shy boi and rather unsure of himself.

will gain confidence along the way.

“U-Uh, would you like to hold hands, maybe?” you tell him he doesn’t have to ask at all but he still asks the first few times anyway

Is very thoughtful about your schedule and workload, will constantly worry about you when you seem like you’re tired or overworked

When he knows you’re too tired he gets this sudden assertive side of him “That’s enough for today isn’t it?”

Will add a kiss to your temple, on the side of your forehead.

Sometimes will start to panic about something and turns to you for help. It’s actually something easy to solve so you help him and he would sigh and say “What would I do without you?” and leans in for a hug.

When you’re alone, has a surprisingly assertive side that pulls you in for a hug whenever he feels like it. Sometimes you’d fall together in bed and just cuddle while talking.

Venti

“A-ha! There you are!” will open his arms and wait for you to come to him. If you do, he does his trademark laugh and hug you tight. If you don’t, will stare at you with a questioning face but break into smile and say “Oh, too shy cause we’re out in public? Come on, it’s just a hug!” 

Has no issues telling everyone in town that you’re a couple. “Oh yea, have you met Y/N here? Cute right?...And all mine!” Cue the trademark laugh again.

loves to sit on the sofa, lean his back on the arm of it and have you in his arms just looking down at you do your own thing, mostly reading. If not, then just taking naps with you there.

When the two of you are alone, he sometimes gets this sad or thoughtful look on his face, which is super rare on his usually cheerful demeanor. You would ask what’s wrong and he would snap back to reality saying, “...I was just thinking about...how it would be without you,” jumps back quite quickly and grins, “but that’s not gunna happen, you’re stuck with me till the end!”

Out in public when someone comments you’re such a cute couple he would readily agree and give you a side hug, arms round your shoulder, cheek pressed up against yours. “We’re the cutest you’ll ever see!”

Dainsleif

the definition of protective is this man

is very subtle with his touches, affection and words, but despite that you can feel his unparalleled loyalty to you and is surprisingly gentle.

loves to greet you with a one handed hug and a kiss on the side of your lips.

Out in town, will start off just walking beside you but you wouldn’t even notice when he had slipped his hand in yours. His type of hold is the type of hold that makes you feel like he’s never letting go until you do.

While out adventuring with you, will have these moods where he’s just clingy. Will pull you by the wrist, trap you in between him and a tree and lean in for a kiss on the lips, gently.

Will pull back a moment later, cheeks flushed pink and apologize. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” 

loves to have you lean on his shoulder when you rest, and will watch you doze off peacefully.

[xjoonchildx]

greedy | myg x reader | chapter five: do we look like recruiters to you?

summary: being a loner has never bothered yoongi until now.  until you.

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: mafia AU, pining, eventual smut

rating: 18+

word count: 6.7K

notes:  thank you all so much for rolling with the changes to my posting schedule. it’s been a while since i posted an update and i really wanted to give you guys a chapter. plus it makes more sense, in my mind to break it out like this.  in this chapter, you’ll notice that ko starts calling OC “jagiya.” thank you to the korean reader who brought to my attention that my previous nickname for her didn’t fit as well as this one! 

anyway, you guys make me endlessly happy with your feedback on this story. i’d love to hear what you think of this chapter.  beta read by @hobi-gif​ because i would wither away without her analysis. also beta’d by the awesome @btsarmy9593​ who has been so awesome to give me her feedback. thank you to @augustbutwinter​ for the words of encouragement. and of course, the boos @ladyartemesia​ and @untaemedqueen​ pitched in to help me in this journey as well.

Chapter 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | EPILOGUE

*************************

Min Yoongi wakes up with a problem.  Well a few problems, actually.

The first is that he has to pee.

The second is the head-to-toe pain that starts to register the moment his sluggish brain kicks into gear.  He starts from the bottom -- gingerly wiggling his toes, carefully stretching his legs -- and slowly works his way up, taking mental inventory of what hurts and what doesn’t.

A lot of shit is landing on the hurts list right now.

The third problem -- and perhaps the most pressing -- is the problem pressing into his side right now.

Your hair is still damp.

Yoongi noses into it and lies in the quiet for a while, breathing you in while you sleep.  You smell like his shampoo and his soap.  You’re wearing his t-shirt and basketball shorts.  You are covered in him; fitted to him.  Solid and warm and real.

Which brings him to his next problem.  

This is the kind of feeling that’s way too easy to become addicted to.  The kind of feeling that makes you do stupid shit.  Take away the mangled body and the looming safety concerns and this is easily the best morning of his life.

That’s why when you stir and burrow a bit deeper into his side, Yoongi ignores the pain radiating from his sore ribs.  He ignores the way his arm has fallen asleep under you, ignores the intermittent buzzing of his phone from the nightstand warning of missed texts.

He ignores the tiny voice in his head that says don’t get attached to this feeling.

Yoongi ignores everything but you and this because right now, it’s the only thing he wants to think about.

And then he’s drifting off again.

***************************

This time, Yoongi wakes up alone.

The deep steadying breath he takes while he’s trying to work up the nerve to get out of bed hurts like hell.

Everything hurts like hell, actually -- the back of his head where he can feel scrapes left behind by the brick wall, his jaw from where he took that driller to the face.  His knee from where he jammed it into that fucking goon’s stomach.  

But his shoulder is what’s really fucking everything up right now.

He can’t remember telling you where to find the sling or how you got it on.  Can’t remember you positioning his pillows around his injured arm or slipping into bed beside him.  He’d been so fucked up by the pain and the adrenaline withdrawal that he’s pretty sure he blacked out at some point.  

So Yoongi lies there for a minute, trying to piece together what he can remember of last night.  

The memories come back to him blurred and disjointed, out of order.

He remembers feeling like he might vomit when you shoved his shoulder back into place.  Awkwardly accepting your help taking off his jeans so he could shower.  Nearly falling to his knees under the hot water.  Pulling himself together long enough to stash his gun in a drawer when you’d stepped away.

And it’s that last memory that makes his chest go tight.

Last night, hiding his gun seemed like the right thing to do.  A way to keep you separate from the ugliness he normalized a long time ago.  But this morning the half-assed lie of omission makes him feel guilty as hell.  A pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable.  Chewing gum jammed into the crack of a dam.

He has to tell you about that gun.

So he gets to work on dragging his ass out of bed.  It takes him way too damned long to sit upright, way too damned long to slide himself off the edge of the mattress.  Longer than that to slowly limp his way into the bathroom where he pees for what feels like a solid ten minutes.

He’s still rubbing the sleep from his eyes when he spots the bright red toothbrush sitting in the cup on his sink.  

It’s just some cheap throwaway he brought home after his last visit to the dentist -- a long-forgotten backup that’s been stashed in the cabinet under the bathroom counter for months.  But now it’s sitting out in the open, in that cup. Right next to his own blue one.

Yoongi stares at it and scrubs a hand over his face.

And that tiny voice in his head gets a bit louder.

************************

He finds you seated at his piano, bare-faced and hair tousled.  Fingers tracing light patterns across the keys of his custom instrument, gaze taking in all of the tiny details he paid a small fortune for.

He could have stayed there for a while, just appreciating the view had you not caught him staring.

Your dark eyes flick up to find his and Yoongi’s pulse quickens at the warmth in them.  At the soft, shy smile that comes over you just before you clear your throat and lower your eyes back to the keys.

“Beautiful,” you sigh.  

No kidding, Yoongi thinks.

He crosses the room slowly.  Tries his hardest not to limp but the throb in his knee makes that nearly impossible.  Sadness flashes across your face as you watch him sink heavily onto the bench beside you.  

“I can help you, you know,” you admonish softly.

Yoongi shrugs, motioning to the sling.  “You already have.”

He stills when you reach one hand out to brush your fingertips across the redness on his jaw.  You stroke your thumb across his aching cheek and Yoongi leans into the touch, savoring the feeling of your skin against his.

“Yoongi,” you whisper, “I’m so sorry you’re hurt, and -- ” you pause to shake your head sadly,  “-- and I’m so sorry it’s because I put you in this position.”

Yoongi sucks in a deep breath.

He can’t bring himself to tell you that he can’t think straight when he imagines what could have happened if that fucking goon had gotten you alone.  Can’t bring himself to admit out loud that he could have pulled his gun and ended that piece of shit without losing a second of sleep.  

Would have, had you not been there.

“Better me than you, Doc,” he says thickly.  “You made the right call.”

You press a gentle kiss to his throbbing jaw.

“You still mad at me?”

You whisper the words into the shell of Yoongi’s ear and a slow heat builds in his gut.  

“Yeah,” he lies, dropping a kiss on the delicate skin below your jaw.  He ghosts the tip of his nose against the curve of your neck and you shudder under his touch. He’s forced to check himself, leaning back for a few inches of badly-needed space.  

On the bright side, at least his dick isn’t broken, too.

He clears his throat.  “If that guy had brought backup -- ”

“ -- If that guy had brought backup, he’d have been out of the car long before you left his buddy in a pile on the floor,” you interrupt gently.

Yoongi chuckles.  “Just admit you’re terrible at following directions.”

“You happen to have your MRI results around here anywhere? I’d be interested to see what they say about that shoulder.”  

You raise one brow when Yoongi narrows his eyes at you in response.  “No? Well, then I guess I’m not the only one who’s bad at following directions.”

“Guess not,” Yoongi admits with a smile.  

Your turn your attention back to his piano, touch reverent as you slide one hand across the rich black lacquer.  

“When you first walked in, I was going to say something really dumb like do you play?” you admit with a laugh.  “But no one owns something this magnificent unless they have a passion for it.”

“Yeah, I play,” Yoongi murmurs.  “When I have two functioning arms.”

He’d intended to earn a laugh with that tease, but the joke falls flat.  Sadness creeps back into your features.

“Yoongi,” you say quietly, gaze dropping into your lap.  “I honestly don’t know what would have happened to me last night without you.  And all I can think about this morning is why?  Why did you do this for me?”

Fuck, that’s a loaded question.  

If Yoongi had the balls, he’d tell you straight up that he fell for you the moment he laid eyes on you at Songdo .  That you feel like his chance at something more.  But Yoongi doesn’t say any of that.  

Instead, he coughs up a weak white lie.

“We’re both out here flying solo Doc.  We have to look out for each other.  Besides -- ” he tips your chin up with a gentle press of his fingers and finds your dark eyes glassy with unshed tears.  “ -- I have a thing for that smart mouth of yours.”

He earns a tiny smile from you then, just the slightest curve of your lips.  And he’s this close to kissing the soft, sad expression right off your face when that voice in his mind fucks everything up again.

Tell her about the gun.  

The thought is like a bucket of cold water over his head, jarring him from the intimacy of this moment.  Yoongi swallows thickly before opening his mouth to tell you the truth.  But before he can speak, you do.

“I have something of yours,” you say, reaching into the pocket of your borrowed basketball shorts.  Yoongi watches you produce a worn handmade bracelet and holds his palm open to accept it.  “It fell out of your jacket last night,” you explain.

He rubs his thumb over the smooth metal corners of the cross that dangles from aged leather.  It brings back the memory of his baptism -- of the day Mrs. Bak proudly gifted it to him while he was still damp from the ceremony.  It also brings back the memory of last night -- when he’d clutched it between his fingers and sent a silent plea for protection skyward.

It’s been a long time since he’s prayed.  It’s been a long time since he had anything to pray for.

“Are you religious?” you ask softly.

Yoongi shakes his head.  “Honestly? I don’t know.”  A self-conscious heat creeps up his neck.  “Just makes me feel better, I guess.  Is that dumb?”

“No,” you reassure quietly, bringing one warm hand up to cup his cheek.  Yoongi covers your hand with his, laces his fingers in between yours.  “Not dumb at all.”

Tell her about the gun.

“Doc,” Yoongi whispers thickly, “We need to talk about something.”

Your hand falls away from his face and your spine goes stiff with tension and Yoongi almost loses his nerve.

Almost.

“Okay, so I was, uh -- carrying a gun last night,” he starts, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck,  “I carry a gun all the time, actually.  I hid it because I didn’t want to freak you out.”

You say nothing, expression unreadable.  And Yoongi keeps talking.

“But I don’t want to keep things from you,” he says quietly.  “I want you to know exactly who I am. No half-truths.”

Your eyes drop back down to the piano.  You pluck at one of the keys and a somber note rings out, lingers in the air between you before you speak.

“You have a gunshot wound in your back, Yoongi,” you murmur.  “It’s not exactly a leap of logic.  Besides, I already saw your gun.  It was in your drawer last night when I got you a change of clothes.”

Yoongi nods slowly, processing the fact that you’d discovered the gleaming silver piece and hadn’t written him off right away.  You’d still slept in the crook of his arm last night.  You’re still here right now.

“And yeah, maybe it does freak me out a bit,” you admit.  “But after what I saw last night, maybe I can understand a bit, too.”

Yoongi lets go of the breath he’s been holding and takes your hand in his.  Maybe is as good as he could have hoped for at this point.  Maybe is not a dead end.  

“I have something to tell you, too,” you admit after a moment.  “I’m due at the hospital in a few hours.”

“Doc,” Yoongi groans, hand tightening reflexively around yours.  “You can’t go back there.”

“I don’t have a choice,” you insist, pulling away.  “This isn’t just some job I fell into, Yoongi.  This is years of my life.”

Yoongi is quiet for a few seconds, willing his rising agitation to subside.  He’s careful to check his tone before he speaks.

“You’re not safe there.”

“I have to go back.  I don’t have a choice,” you repeat.  “I can’t afford to get blacklisted and Lee is still my boss. And if he’s already got wind of what happened last night, he’s going to be gunning for me even harder than he already has been.  I have to tread carefully.”

Yoongi shoves a hand through his hair.

“You have to meet me in the middle here, Doc,” he exhales.  “There’s got to be something halfway between you walking right back into that hellhole and you losing your job.  Take a couple of sick days.  Give me some time to figure out who your boss is working with and what I can do about it.  Can you do that?”

You’re quiet for a moment as you consider his proposal.

“Yeah,” you concede softly.  “I can do that.”  

You lift a hand to brush a lock of hair out of his face and press your mouth to his.

Every cell in Yoongi’s body stands at attention.  He cards his fingers into the soft mass of your hair and kisses you slowly -- carefully -- all too aware of the way he’d manhandled you last night.  

Not even the pain in his jaw could take away from how good it feels to touch you like this.  Not even the ache in his ribs could stop him from leaning into you. He slips his tongue past your lips and you whimper, fingers curling into his sore knee.  

He could not give a shit.

Yoongi leaves your mouth to trail kisses down your jaw, and you tip your head back, offering him the soft expanse of your neck.  He accepts it gladly, mouth hot and open on your skin, savoring your scent and taste -- enjoying the way he can feel your pulse fluttering wildly under his lips.

He’s enjoying it all so much that he gets careless.  The elbow of his injured arm connects with the sharp edge of the piano and he recoils instantly.

“Dammit,” he groans. “Fuck.”

“Oh, shit,” you gasp, clapping a hand over your mouth.

The pain is so potent it seems to radiate all the way from his arm to his temples. Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut as he waits for the ringing in his ears to subside.

“Yoongi, your shoulder, it's -- it’s really bad,” you admonish quietly.  “If you keep going like this, the damage is going to be permanent.”

“Trust me, I know,” he sighs.  “I’m going to get this looked at, I just haven’t.”

“I want you to see a friend of mine at Asan today,” you urge.  “He’s a good doctor.  He can get you some pain relief.  Get you back to working condition.”

Yoongi nods weakly, pain still ebbing from his arm.

“But it’s not a substitute for an MRI and it’s not a substitute for surgery,” you warn.  “This is just a temporary fix.  You have to be careful.  Whatever you’re planning, just please be careful.”

Yoongi skates the pad of his thumb over your lips before kissing you just one more time.

“Don’t worry about me, Doc,” he murmurs.  “I’m going to have some help.”

**************************

It’s amazing what a pair of high-powered steroid shots and a bottle of industrial-strength painkillers can do for a guy.  

Yoongi pulls into the parking lot at Maekju feeling almost human again.

If the text messages that have been blowing up his phone all afternoon are any indication, everyone is here tonight.  Everyone with the exception of Namjoon, of course.  He doesn’t drink anymore and even when he did, he always preferred to drink alone.

Jungkook is the first person Yoongi spots, leaned up against a pool table, beer in hand.  He’s watching Jimin and Taehyung face off at billiards while Seokjin and Hoseok sit side-by-side at the bar, deep in conversation.

The maknae’s eyes go a bit wide when he takes in Yoongi’s unusual gait and immobilized arm.

“Holy shit, hyung,” he breathes as Yoongi approaches.  “What the hell happened to you?”

Seokjin whips around in his barstool at the sound of Jungkook’s greeting, but Hoseok doesn’t take the bait.  He stiffens in his seat but refuses to turn around. Stubborn bastard.

“Yoga accident,” Yoongi mutters, stepping up to the bar next to Seokjin.  The older man smirks as he takes a long pull of his beer.

“How’d you drive with that thing on?” Seokjin asks, motioning to Yoongi’s sling.

“Carefully,” Yoongi says dryly.  “Listen, can you give me a minute with Jung here?”

Seokjin’s critical gaze bounces back and forth between Yoongi and Hoseok, who is still resolutely pretending not to notice the conversation taking place just inches from his face.  He stares into a television mounted high above the bar and sips his whiskey with feigned indifference.

“You two need couple’s counseling, I swear,” Seokjin groans, rolling his eyes. He stands to his feet to relinquish his barstool and claps a hand over Yoongi’s good shoulder.  “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

Hoseok, the fucking infant, grabs a newspaper abandoned on the bartop and proceeds to pretend to read it.  Yoongi slides into the stool next to him anyway.

“Miss me?”

Hoseok doesn’t answer.

“You’re not gonna say hello?  Not gonna ask me why it looks like I spent all night falling off a cliff?”

“Nope.”

Yoongi waves off the bartender who starts walking in his direction.  The last thing he needs is a drink.  He’s got so many painkillers in his system right now that one sip of booze would probably have him under the bar in seconds.

“Come on Hoseok,” Yoongi sighs.  “Don’t be a dick.  I’ve literally never seen you read a newspaper.”

“I like to stay informed,” Hoseok shrugs.

“Well, I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Oh, so you talk to me now?” Hoseok snickers.  “That’s new.”

Hoseok’s probably earned the right to his petulance, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.  Yoongi starts to reconsider that drink.

“Jung,” he groans.  “I’m trying to apologize here.”

“So apologize then.”

“Fine,” Yoongi mutters.  “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole lately.  I’ve been twisted up over some shit that has nothing to do with you or family business.”

Hoseok grabs his whiskey off the bar and finally -- finally -- pivots to face him.

“A giant asshole,” he corrects dryly.  

“Yes. A giant asshole,” Yoongi repeats.  “We good now?”

Hoseok sips his whiskey slowly, eyes narrowed at Yoongi over the lip of his glass.

“Buy me a drink.”

“Fine,” Yoongi hisses, flagging the bartender.  

Hoseok leans back in his barstool, looking a bit smug.

“Now this shit you’ve been twisted up about,” he starts, brow cocked.  “Would this have anything to do with your secret doctor friend?”

“Maybe,” Yoongi admits, scratching at the back of his neck.  His injured shoulder is tired from carrying the extra weight of the sling.  He rolls it gingerly as Hoseok looks on.

“Would this have anything to do with why you look like you got jumped on your way in here tonight?”

Yoongi’s cheeks warm at his partner’s blunt observation.  “Maybe.”

Hoseok drains his whiskey just as the bartender arrives with a fresh one.  He takes a long drink before setting his glass back down on the bar.  His lips purse thoughtfully as he levels Yoongi with a long, assessing look.

“Okay,” he says calmly. “So who do we have to go fuck up?”

**************************

Dr. Lee Geon just looks like a fucking weasel.

Yoongi glares at the man as he strolls into the coffee shop a few blocks from Songdo with just minutes to spare to his shift.  

Lee bears little resemblance to his photos on the hospital website.

He’s thin -- just this side of gaunt -- hollow cheeks prominent below dark under eyes beneath a sparse dusting of greasy hair.  Were he not dressed in a rumpled lab coat and equally creased scrubs, Yoongi might have missed him entirely.

Across the room, Hoseok peers at Yoongi over the top of yet another borrowed newspaper -- is this the guy? -- and Yoongi answers with a furtive nod.  

He goes over the plan they’d worked out in the car in his head.  They’d find the guy -- make sure he was the guy -- and then follow him out of the shop.  Catch him just before he got into his car.  Shake him up a bit before shaking him down for information.

There’s one thing Yoongi still hasn’t worked out, though.

Just how much he’s going to allow himself to hurt this asshole before sending him on his way.  Lee slowly shuffles his way to the front of the line as Yoongi imagines jamming his fist into the man’s stupid fucking face.  Imagines doing it over and over again until the piece of shit is unrecognizable.

Yoongi watches Lee order his drink as he kneads at the tender muscles of his shoulder.

Ditching the sling was probably a bad idea -- definitely against doctor’s orders -- but it was a risk he was more than willing to take.  He’d downed a couple of painkillers and shoved his shoulder into a brace and decided he could deal with the dull throb just for the night.  

No way in hell he was going to confront this scumbag looking like some kid who just fell off his skateboard.  

It doesn’t take long for the barista to put together Lee’s drink.  He grabs his coffee and Yoongi tenses in anticipation of his next move.  But instead of heading for the exit, Lee heads for the bathroom instead.

Yoongi locks eyes with Hoseok across the room and Hoseok raises one brow.

Change of plans?

Yoongi nods.

*****************************

Lee’s coffee sits abandoned atop the sink ledge.

Yoongi and Hoseok slip silently into the bathroom and get right to work.  Hoseok blocks the door as Yoongi quietly creeps past the stalls, ducking his head to peer beneath each one.  Lee’s scuffed sneakers are the only pair of shoes he spots.

His ears pick up on a faint sound coming from inside the locked stall.

It’s a kind of soft, intermittent rasping.  Yoongi concentrates on the noise, isolates it until he comes to the realization that it’s sniffling he’s hearing.  He turns to Hoseok and taps his finger against the side of his nose and Hoseok nods his agreement.

Yoongi shakes his head in disgust.  Is there a single substance this idiot isn’t addicted to?

It takes a moment for the sniffling to subside.  It’s followed by a few seconds of quiet rustling in which Yoongi can picture Lee carefully pocketing whatever’s left of his coke.  The noises from behind the brushed steel barrier finally stop and the next thing Yoongi hears is the distinct clink of the latch coming apart.

Lee swings the door wide -- gets one look at what’s waiting for him on the other side -- and nearly jumps out of his skin.  

He startles so hard that he almost falls backward into the toilet.  But he catches himself, regaining his balance and staring back at Yoongi with wide, worried eyes.

Yoongi stands there and says nothing.

“Excuse me,” Lee mumbles, eyeing him wearily as he tries to slide past.  He takes two steps forward then stops in his tracks when he spots Hoseok.  Lee swallows thickly, eyes darting back and forth between both men.

“Is there a problem gentlemen?” he croaks.

Yoongi takes a step towards Lee.  He shrinks back when Yoongi reaches for his badge, yanking the retractable cord as he pulls it close to examine it.  Yoongi runs his thumb over the raised lettering on the laminated card, letting the taut silence linger for dramatic effect.

Then he lets go of the badge without warning, fighting a smile when Lee flinches as it snaps back into place.

“Yes, we have a problem,” Yoongi confirms pleasantly.  “And yes, it’s you.”

The little color left in Lee’s face immediately drains out.

“Look, I don’t know who you guys are, but you don’t w-want to mess with me,” he stammers, voice cracking comically halfway through his flimsy threat.  “I know people.”

“Oh shit,” Yoongi’s eyes go wide with feigned concern, “You hear that, Jung?  This guy knows people.”

“Sounds scary,” Hoseok chuckles.

Lee starts to breathe harder, chest rising and falling faster.  Pupils blown with fear and coke.

“Now, here’s the difference between you and us, Dr. Lee,” Yoongi explains calmly.  “You know people.  But we -- ” he motions to himself and then to Hoseok, “ -- are people . Do you understand what I’m trying to say here?”

Yoongi punctuates his point by brushing the edge of his open leather jacket aside, allowing his pistol to peek out from underneath.  Lee’s eyes lock on it as he nods slowly, pulling deep, noisy breaths through his nose.

“Great.  Now we don’t have to play the game where you pretend not to know about the bullshit you’ve been pulling over at the hospital, right?”

Lee shakes his head slowly.

“So that means we also don’t have to play the game where you pretend you didn’t send some fucking street goon to rough up a little old lady, either. Right?”

The man’s mouth drops open like his first instinct is to deny that accusation. But he steals another look at Hoseok and shuts it instead.

“And then -- ” Yoongi jabs Lee in the chest with one finger and the man jumps back, “-- you tried to send that same goon after your own resident.  But here’s the thing, Doctor Lee.  She knows people, too.”

Lee’s body goes rigid.  Yoongi watches him process the information with his drug-addled brain, a flare of recognition finally sparking in his dull eyes.

“I saw you at the hospital,” Lee whispers.  “You know her.”

“Don’t worry about who I know,” Yoongi shrugs.  “Worry about what you’re going to say in your resignation letter.”

He advances on the man again, closing the space between them.  Lee tries to back away, but he runs out of room.  He tilts against the stall door.

“Resignation letter?” he echoes weakly.

“The one you’re turning in tonight,” Yoongi explains coolly.  “Before you get the fuck out of Songdo and then get the fuck out of Seoul.”

Lee sputters for a moment, grasping for his next words.  

“Well, where am I supposed to go?” he bleats.

“Do we look like recruiters to you, man?” Hoseok cuts in sharply.  “We don’t give a shit where you go -- you just have to go.  You sure this guy is a doctor, Min?  He seems way too dumb to be a doctor.”

“Nah.  This guy’s a junkie pretending to be a doctor,” Yoongi accuses, dropping any pretense of good humor.  “Pretending to be a tough guy, too.  But all of that ends tonight.”

Yoongi grabs Lee by the chin, jerking his head into place and forcing the trembling man to look him in the eye.

“In ten minutes, you’re going to walk your ass into that hospital.  You’re going to tell them you are leaving.  You are going to take that piece of shit pharmacist and anyone else who’s involved with you.  And then you are never going to step foot in this city again.”

He pauses to enjoy the way Lee’s pupils dilate even wider with fear.

“You’re not too high to understand what I’m saying to you right now, right?”

Lee shakes his head weakly, jaw still pinned in Yoongi’s vice grip.

“Great. Now just one more thing before you go on your merry way,” Yoongi says, voice low with menace.  “Give us the name of your street guys.”

Lee panics.  “I can’t,” he whines from between compressed cheeks.  “They’ll kill me.”

Yoongi grips his face tighter, crushing the man’s jaw and using it to push his body flush against the stall.  His fingers and knuckles turn white with the force of his grasp and Lee groans weakly at the pain.  

“I will kill you,” Yoongi seethes. “Me.  Right fucking now with my bare fucking hands if you don’t give me that name.”

Lee is sweating so profusely that Yoongi wonders briefly if he’s having a heart attack.  He’s probably got enough coke in his system for that to be an actual concern.  But the pathetic little shit manages to pull himself together long enough to follow directions.

“Kkangpae,” he wheezes.

Yoongi’s iron grip stays in place, even as he turns to Hoseok, even as both men exchange a look.  That is something he did not see coming.  Perhaps his recent personal issues are family business, after all.

He finally releases Lee’s jaw and the man rears back, breathing hard.

“You have exactly one day to get the fuck out of this city,” Yoongi instructs quietly.  “And that is not an offer I’m prepared to make twice.”

Lee licks his dry lips, nodding his head slowly like he’s just come out of a trance.  “Okay.”

“Great chat,” Yoongi smiles, patting Lee’s cheek.

Hoseok leaves his post at the door to cross the cramped bathroom and reach for the coffee Lee abandoned minutes ago.  Both men watch in silence as he turns it up over the sink, pours it out, and then tosses it in the trash.

He heads back to the door and holds it open.

“Damn Hoseok,” Yoongi murmurs as he brushes past.  “That was cold.”

*********************************

YOU

There’s buzzing.  Of that, you’re sure.

But in those first few moments that you’re rousing, you can’t be sure if you’re hearing it or dreaming it.  You’re disoriented.  It’s the second time in as many days you’ve woken up in an unfamiliar bed.

Shafts of sunlight pour through the blinds and you squint at them, trying to get a sense of the time of day.  If the amber tinge is any indication, it’s late into the afternoon.

The buzzing sounds again.

You roll to your side to grab your cell phone off the nightstand and blink at a long list of waiting texts.

ko: wake up sleeping beauty [ 11:36 AM ]

ko: i have news [ 11:45 AM ]

ko: big news [ 12:22 PM ]

ko: and gaeran tost-u [ 1:02 PM ]

ko: ready for you to wake up now [ 1:43 PM ]

ko: don’t mind me just gonna bang a few pots and pans [ 2:11 PM ]

Any curiosity over Ko’s big news is overshadowed by the way your heart drops when none of those messages is from Yoongi.  

Before you’d left his apartment, he’d asked you to stay.  He’d cleared his throat and looked down at his hands and explained that he’d feel better if you weren’t alone until this entire mess was settled.  But the way he looked at you in those last few minutes together made you feel like his proposition was about much more than just your protection.

It made you want to say yes.

Never mind that it’s insane to feel so at home in his personal space -- or that coming to that realization might have sent you into a mild panic.  In the end, you’d had to say no because you couldn’t bring yourself to leave Ko on her own while this madness played out.

You rub the sleep out of your eyes and fire off two quick texts.

you: i hope you’re okay. please be careful [ 2:33 PM ]

you: up now. be down in five [ 2:34 PM ]

**************************

Ko makes good on her promise of gaeran tost-u.

You’re greeted by the pleasant smell of the sugared egg dish as you walk down the stairs.  Ko sits at her kitchen table, eyes shining with excitement, and pushes a plate at you when you slide into the chair across from hers.

“Eat,” she orders sweetly.  Your stomach rumbles on cue and you waste no time digging in.

“This is really good,” you declare around a mouthful of bread and eggs.  “I might have to live with you forever.”

Ko smiles wide and the expression makes you feel warm from the inside out. The bruising on her face is barely visible now, easily hidden with a little makeup. Her eyes crinkle with happiness as she watches you eat without saying a word.

“Alright,” you sigh, loathe to stop eating even for as long as it takes to speak.  “Spill it. You look fit to burst.”

“Thought you’d never ask,” she complains cheerfully.  “Dr. Lee is gone.  Walked into Songdo last night and walked out forever.”

You gasp halfway through your next bite, sputtering as you try to catch your breath around a mouthful of toasted bread.  Ko stands to grab you a glass of water which you gratefully accept.

“Well, don’t die on me now,” she teases, “Because there’s more.  Nang left, too.  And Tuan and Beom from pathology.  All four of them quit without even so much as a notice, Jagi.  Isn’t that wild?”

You sip your water slowly and Ko’s eyes flash as she watches you.

“Yoo called me early this morning and said the entire hospital is talking about it. There’s a bunch of crazy theories going around.  And here I am, drinking my tea.  Thinking about how you took a few sick days and showed up here. Thinking about how healthy and rested you look right now.  Isn’t that interesting?”

You nod, jamming the sandwich back in your mouth for an obnoxiously large bite.

“And I can’t help but wonder if there’s some connection between this very convenient development and my very sweet, secretive friend.”

Ko’s mouth twists into a teasing smile as you chew your food absurdly slow.

“That sandwich isn’t going to last forever, Jagi,” she says dryly.  She lifts her teacup to her mouth and takes a dainty sip.  “And trust me, I have nothing but time.”

She leans back, cup in hand.

“Okay, so I might know something about it,” you admit after a while.  “But there’s still a lot I don’t know.  And I’m not sure how much of this you want to hear.”

Ko tuts under her breath.

“I want to hear it all.  I’ve got quite a few years on you and trust me, very little shocks me anymore.  So now you spill it.”

You take another sip of water and clear your throat.

“Okay,” you exhale.  “So there’s this guy -- ”

“ -- Oh, I love it when stories start like this,” Ko interrupts.  She props her chin up with her hands like you’re telling a bedtime story and you shake your head with a wry smile.

“He’s been kind of… helping me, I guess.”

“Helping you,” Ko echoes.  “As in helping you out of your clothes?”

“No,” you deny hotly, cheeks warming.  “He’s a friend.”

Ko doesn’t bother to call you out on the weak lie.  But her face says what her mouth doesn’t when one skeptical brow raises high.

“Go on.”

“I told him about what was going on at the hospital and he said he could help me,” you explain slowly.  “So I’m pretty sure he figured out a way to run off Lee and Nang.”

Ko taps her finger against the side of her teacup.

“So let me see if I have this right,” she muses.  “You tell this friend -- who you’ve never once mentioned, by the way -- that you’ve been having this very dangerous trouble at work.  And then your friend somehow manages to convince two grown men who’ve worked at Songdo for years to give up their high-paying jobs and up-front access to IV drugs overnight.”

You shift uncomfortably in your chair.

“And just like that -- ” Ko snaps her fingers for emphasis, “ -- they’re gone without so much as a fuss.”

You nod weakly.

“Jagi,” Ko’s voice drops low.  “I take it your friend’s not a mailman, is he?”

“No,” you mumble.  “Definitely not.”

Ko hums under her breath.  She carefully lifts her teacup to drink, eyes trained on you over the rim.  Her quiet scrutiny makes you anxious.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asks after a long pause.

“If I said no would that stop you?”

“Not a chance,” Ko laughs.  “Would this friend happen to be the mysterious, handsome man who asked for you in the ER a few weeks back?”

Mind like a steel trap, this woman.  You should have known Ko would make that connection and fast.  There’s no point in denying it, so you don’t.

“Yes,” you whisper thickly. “He is.”

It’s hard to get a read on Ko’s reaction.  Over the years, you’ve come to rely on her sweetness and wisdom and warmth.  But now, as you stare into her dark eyes and try to interpret her careful expression, you realize there’s something else you need from her.

Her approval.

“Ko, I think I -- ” you pause to choose your words carefully, “ -- I think I might be in really deep with this guy.”

Ko snorts.

“Oh, I think you might be right about that, Jagiya .  And if he’s helping you with something like this?  Chances are, you’re not alone.”

“Yeah,” you exhale, wringing your hands together beneath the table.  “Thing is -- I need you to tell me I’m not making a mistake here.”

The corners of Ko’s mouth lift into a soft expression of surprise.

“Oh, Jagi,” she chides sweetly.  “You know I can’t tell you that. I don’t know anything about this man.”  She reaches across the table to cover your hand with her own.  “But you do.  You’re the only one who knows how you feel about him.  And you’re the only one who knows if he’s a good man underneath it all.”

Ko squeezes your hand and you turn your head before she can see the tears that threaten in your eyes.  The amber sunlight outside her kitchen window is shifting orange now, flares of light reflecting off the glass.  

You stare at them and think about Yoongi.

Until now, it’s like you’ve been splitting him into two different men -- the bruised, bloody con artist from the exam room and the quiet, teasing flirt from the coffee shop.  Until now, it’s been the only way to reconcile your complicated feelings.

But it's well past time you accepted the truth.

The same Yoongi whose cheeks had pinked when he’d asked you to stay is the same Yoongi you watched beat the shit out of a hired thug.  The Yoongi who carries a cross is the Yoongi who carries a gun.  They’re two halves of one whole.  

And you can’t pine for one and reject the other.

Your cell phone buzzes from the pocket of your pajama pants.  You reach for it, relief coursing through you when you spot Yoongi’s name on the screen.

yoongi: one more thing to do before we can talk [ 3:01 PM ]

yoongi: it’s cold outside, be sure to bundle up [ 3:01 PM ]

Yoongi’s random mention of the weather confuses you.  You stare at the texts and Ko stares at you, concerned by the baffled expression on your face.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, no,” you insist, shaking your head.  “Just, um -- ”

Bundle up.   A tingle runs up the length of your spine as realization slowly creeps over you.  

“Excuse me for a moment,” you murmur, slipping out of your seat.

Ko watches you dash up the stairs, slack-jawed.

You make a beeline for your borrowed room, throwing open the closet doors to find the coat you’d left hanging there on arrival.  The coat you’d worn to and from Yoongi’s.  You hurriedly dig into the pockets, fingers immediately making contact with something hard and jagged.  

You pull it out.

The shiny silver key in your palm looks like it’s never been used, sharp edges gleaming in the waning sunlight streaming into this room.

You don’t have to guess what it’s for.

You just close your fingers around it and hold it tight.

*****************

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[willadisatercrywrites]

Head injuries & passing out!!!

Some realistic aspects of whump you’re probably glossing over/conveying incorrectly Part 2

just some realistic medical accuracies that will bolster your whump writing, and the category is...

the dazed and confused:

a person can experience a lapse in consciousness or lucidity when they receive a traumatic head injury or their bodies are put under severe stress by something like an extreme condition or nasty illness. both symptoms can occur from many different injuries/ailments ranging from blunt force head trauma, drug use, inadequate sleep, malnourishment, physical exhaustion... the option are really endless and not much is out of the realm of possibility in regards to being medically accurate.

a rapid increase in blood pressure is the nervous system’s vasovagal syncope response, also commonly referred to as passing tf out. fainting itself isn’t inherently harmful or dangerous if whumpee gets themselves to the ground before its lights out. pretty much unless the whumpee is in a hostile environment where they don’t have access to food, water, or medical supplies to care for their wounds or sickness, they will be ok and should come to rather quickly!

if the whumpee is exhausted, whether it is because they have physically exhausted themselves by working too hard, not taking the time to properly recover after a fight, disregarding healthy sleeping and eating habits, ignoring a cold or viral bug because they think they can just tough it out etc. they can function in a haze for a pretty solid amount of time before their blood pressure will eventually plummet where the blood vessels relax to reduce resistance in the flow and all of the blood in their body races to their head at once to try and quell whatever is wrong. this will probably come at a breaking point or at the mention of exerting themselves intensely once more. they might be faced with a flight of stairs, or the alarms are going off for another mission, or their superior won’t end the meeting and they didn’t succeed in grabbing a seat before they were all taken. before this they would’ve been sluggish in their movements and sick or tired-looking. they would probably have to ask someone to repeat themselves because their brain is lagging and they can’t grasp whatever’s been said on the first go. they also would experience moments of lightheadedness that would stop them in their tracks and have them searching for purchase on a nearby wall or table as they ride out the blood rush in their ears that is similar to what you might get from standing up too quickly, except this would happen randomly. they might not have a large appetite that day and be uncharacteristically thirsty. there will be moments the whumpee or caregiver finds them swaying unsteadily where they’d be urged to sit down before they collapse. the whumpee would be grumpy about this but they’d listen because at this point they are aware they could very well pass out. too many moments like these and they actually do.

the textbook first aid response is to raise their feet above their heart by either lifting them or elevating them on a higher surface, this gets blood flowing on a path of least resistance to the brian and will help them recover quicker. they should stay on the ground or move into the recovery position on their side until they feel better, then they should move into a sitting position and acclimate to that before trying to stand. they will probably be weak and shakey after this and should go rest and eat something before turning in for the night.

if the whumpee has a head injury, passing out is very dangerous and a type of triage would be to keep them awake until they are evaluated properly. concussions occur when the brain quite literally rattles around in the head a tad too aggressively. this can be caused by violent shaking or what might even be considered a minor blow. think two football players clonking helmets and how when their bodies are thrown back by the force, their brains would be jolted forward in their skulls. this can result in pretty sever concussions that impede cognitive functions without drawing a drop of blood, occurring even within the confines of reinforced protective gear. confusion and disorientation as well as an unpleasant or throbbing pressure would be the first symptoms to present themselves with this type of blunt head injury. memory loss and an overall altered perception of reality could be documented for the first stage of recovery, short term events would be lost on the whumpee and they might find themselves suddenly having no clue what day it is or where they are. they would be sensitive to light and noise and any sort of intense movement depending on the severity of the concussion. and any increase in such would make them dizzy, nauseated, or even lightheaded.

the window of danger for falling asleep or fainting after getting concussed usually passes after the 24 hour mark post injury. the caregiver would likely have to wait up all night shaking awake a lethargic and possibly incoherent whumpee, maybe even taking shifts with others until they don’t think the whumpee would be at risk of not waking up. this type of injury might take months to fully heal from and is very inconvenient and uncomfortable for the whumpee leaving space for a lot of additional hurt and beautiful moments of fussing over/comforting.

head injuries that result in wounds will bleed a horrifying amount for even the tiniest of cuts, the same goes for facial wounds. this is because they are like a million blood vessels up there to get more blood to the brain. so if you have a heavily bleeding head wound... the blood flowing there will be leaving a lot quicker than the body can replenish it and can delve into a dangerous amount of blood loss pretty quickly. any blow to the head will jar you temporarily and leave you virtually incapacitated even if you don’t fall down or lose consciousness. think being paralyzed in sudden and excruciating pain after hitting your funny bone, it passes quickly, but for a solid minute you’re definitely seeing red. a whumpee that gets their head split open can keep fighting on adrenaline as long as they aren’t rendered unconscious right off the bat, but the longer they rely on energy reserves, the more blood they are going to have lost and the harder they’ll crash once they’re safe or the fight is over. the whumpee along with whoever is around them after they receive this hit might think they are relatively okay since they didn’t collapse on impact, but crashing will look like stumbling back to the mode of transport, not being able to stand up after they finish the bad guy off, staring off at nothing while a wave of malaise washes over them once they look at the blood that comes away from the wet spot on the side of their head, etc.

shock is also a silent killer and plays large part in the dazed and confused bit of a flesh wound like this. any type of wound that bleeds for more than a minute will be accompanied by an assortment of shock symptoms like trembling, becoming cold, sudden weakness, incoherence, all to varying severities that coincide with the amount of blood loss sustained, so once again the longer the whumpee pushes or avoids treatment the worse it will be. immediate triage would be to have the whumpee sit and keep them warm with body heat or a blanket as well as keep steady pressure on the wound, additionally it would be ideal to get a bit of sugar in them and have them sip water to calm them down and keep their mind level. remaining clam and warm is really the most important aspects of staving off the worse symptoms of shock like slowed heart rate and shallowed breathing, which isn’t passing out exactly, more like their body slowly shutting down. a whumpee with this type of injury also wouldn’t really pass out in the dramatic way you think of if they didn’t on initial impact, it’d look more like their legs giving out in the middle of their stride, their weight slowly increasing in a friend’s arms during a congratulatory hug, or rushing for the nearest seat after getting a head rush and suddenly very woozy.