#might delete later bc i feel cring
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lord-squiggletits · 10 months ago
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Idk if my previous posts were unclear but I don't remotely hate any Optimus version that isn't IDW or think they suck. Every Optimus is good and there's a fan (or multiple fans!) of every version of OP no matter how obscure or underrated (as well as all the other characters).
What's more questionable (or at least annoying) is when fandom ignores canon character personalities in favor of writing specific archetypes that are either out of character or repetitive/stereotyped to the point of annoyance. As an example of this, it would be a female character being called the Team Mom just because she's a woman existing in a group of (primarily male) characters even if she's not remotely motherly or nurturing. Or, as a more topical example, how often I've seen Transformers ships where even though both characters are canonically masculine (or gender neutral), fanartists love to turn one of the characters small and weak (or even outright feminine) to turn the ship into Strong Dominant Seme and Sweet Cute Uke to fit a specific kink or romantic fantasy, even if it's a disservice/OOC to portray those characters like that.
In other words, a fandom's popularity of certain characters, ships, headcanons, etc is often more informed by tropes and forcing canon to adhere to one's personal tastes, as opposed to approaching canon and trying to understand it on its own terms. I'm not talking about the quality of the source material, but rather the way that the fandom interprets the source materials in ways that don't make any sense, approach it in bad faith, or just generally don't care about canon at all. So I'm not saying one OP is better than another, my problem is when fandom consistently focuses on certain stereotypes or flanderizations of a character, and then any character that doesn't fit the popular (often stereotyped) mold is ignored or virulently rejected. In other words, I think popular fandom often does a DISSERVICE to characters whether they love them or hate them, it just takes different forms.
So, just as an example, I think one fandom caricature of Optimus that I see a lot (and heavily dislike) is making Optimus some sort of shrinking wallflower type who's innocent, sweet, and virginal, in contrast to an opposite caricature of Megatron that's big, strong, dominant, and rugged, and making ship art that forces the characters into some kind of seme/uke or borderline heteronormative romance. Despite the fact that canon Optimus (in, say, TFP for example) is tall, broadly built, deep voiced, dignified, assertive, and strong (physically and morally), completely incorrect interpretations of him as a shy feminized uke type are still pretty common to find. And it makes you ask yourself why it is so many people make MOP ship art of them of The Small One and The Large One or The Small, Cute One and The Big, Violent One when it's completely different from canon. It feels as if such fanart is made by people who just want to see seme/uke style slash ships, and if canon doesn't give them what they want, they'll simply trash it and replace it with their own version, even if it's completely OOC.
So when I said in my other post that people don't like IDW Optimus because he can't be fit into caricatures like happy dad or shy twink, I'm not saying it to say "other OPs who resemble that suck," I'm saying it to express "Fandom tends to simplify characters into easily palatable and comfortable tropes, and when they encounter a character they can't do that with, they respond by ignoring or even hating on that character."
Other versions of Optimus have the problem where fandom turns them into a stereotype instead of the actual character they are, e.g. portraying TFA OP as some poor abused damsel with no self confidence and crippling anxiety being abused by his superiors, and then they talk more about this fake uwu smoll bean cinnamon roll version of TFA OP than they do about actual canon TFA OP. And honestly I can't think of any prominent content/meta about G1 OP that isn't just "he plays basketball and does funny one liners and is Team Dad/Grandpa." (Hell, you even get that with non-Optimus characters that get simplified to just sexy twink, old grandpa, comedy relief, evil ex, Diversity Win-- She's A Lesbian, third wheel to the favored ship, etc even though there's way more depth to them than just their surface level stereotype.)
IDW OP's problem is that he can't be stereotyped like that so instead the fandom ignores him. He's not small, so they can't stereotype him as a skinny twink getting topped by a burly uke. He's not jovial or happy go lucky or extroverted, so they can't stereotype him as Team Dad or Comedy Relief. He's assertive, blunt, and has a temper, so they can't stereotype him as a shy wallflower in need of protecting. He makes catastrophic mistakes and is responsible for bad things happening, so they can't stereotype him into a sweet cinnamon roll who has never done anything wrong in his whole life or The Infinitely Wise and Kind Paragon. There's no Big Bad Authority Figure who was mean to IDW OP and traumatized him, so they can't excuse the bad things he did as "he's traumatized so he couldn't help it" and wave away his flaws as "it's his abuser's fault, they made him this way." IDW OP has the kind of depression where he's grumpy, shut off, and angry-- as opposed to the shy, sad kind of depression that just stares forlornly out of the window in a beautifully tragic way-- so they can't make him into a sad woobie kicked around unfairly by life.
Or I guess they just stereotype IDW OP as "evil bastard with no redeeming qualities that's mean to everyone for no reason, plus the writers forced everyone to like him just because he's Optimus Prime" even though that isn't accurate either.
Put bluntly, IDW OP forces fandom to contend with the idea that someone can be a good person with good intentions but still fuck up on a massive scale and maybe end up hurting more than they helped. IDW OP is messy, ugly, flawed, mean, stoic, closed off. When IDW OP has mental breakdowns or has his feelings hurt, he's loud and angry and harsh, and the consequences of what he did while he was unwell continue to haunt him long after. In other words, he actually experiences negative emotions the way a real person would, and sometimes when he's under the influence of negative emotions, he lashes out or does stupid things (like a real person might) instead of inoffensively crying in a corner somewhere. He isn't sanitized enough for a fandom that only wants Perfect Pure Good Optimus Who Never Hurts Anyone Even By Accident, so instead of IDW OP's mistakes and dark moments being treated as the logical end point of a person put in constant no-win situations until he breaks, he gets treated as if his mistakes and flaws make him an irredeemable bastard with no good qualities who should've fucked up less often to make fans actually like him.
And this is all in a fandom where 90% of the characters are war criminals and a good half of them have massacred organic planets. But god forbid IDW Optimus ever make a bad decision in a stressful situation. Or be mean to someone. Or have a character arc about how blindly idolizing people as paragons ends badly for everyone involved because no one can be that perfect. He is simply The Worst Optimus Ever and there's absolutely nothing about him worth discussing.
And just to be clear, the problem isn't the fact that some people don't like IDW OP, or he's just not their thing and they don't care.
The problem is the fact that he's consistently and actively hated by the fanbase who makes a concentrated effort to say he sucks and make sure none of their fan works ever include him. It's literally at a level where I stopped looking in the Optimus tag on this website because I was tired of people randomly going "and btw IDW OP sucks and I want to drown him in a ditch" in posts that weren't even about IDW, and I stopped looking for MegOP fic on AO3 because most of it is IDW Megatron/clearly TFP or G1 inspired continuity soup Optimus. Places that are Optimus friendly for Optimus fans, where I could reasonably expect to find positive conversations, but instead get sucker punched by hate about the character The Space Is About. And I can't even have conversations asking about why they do, bc the way 90% of them talk, I can tell they literally just didn't read the comics or deliberately misinterpreted the story.
I find it bizarre and frankly, tragic, that the hate train for IDW OP is so pervasive that people actively erase and replace him from fan works IN THE IDW UNIVERSE in a way that no other character is targeted in. I have tried so hard to understand why IDW OP gets this sort of hate and erasure when other characters who were as bad or worse than him have perfectly normal takes about them that go "yeah he kinda sucks but he's cool and I like him" or "who cares if he's problematic IRL, it's a story." The only conclusion I can come to is that because Optimus Prime (TM) has a specific brand image and is locked into being a cultural icon, he's held to a standard of The Ideal Perfect Hero instead of the way better standard of "Is he an interesting, well written character?"
#squiggposting#discourse#i tried my best to phrase this in a way that didnt invalidate different tastes#but like honestly. some ppls tastes suck. or are actually problematic and not in a fake way#like as an example from the main text avoe#i hate it so much when gay ships are made seme/uke - dominant/submissive - fem/masc#when that not only isnt in character or accurate to canon. but is also really boring at best or homophobic at worst#i cant control ppl's opinions but i can still think theyre boring stupid or even downright offensive#i have SEEN pretty much every popular TF character or pairing get flanderized somehow#so it's not just my attachment to OP in larticular#and i find it very frustrating when it seems as if ppl arent fans of the very media they consume#and they turn an interesting story into cookie cutter stereotypes#and then when the story isnt a cookie cutter stereotype easily divisible into black and white#they hate the characters and story and call it trash#might delete later bc i feel cring#but this is oretty much the culmination of all the thoughts and discussions ive had#with multiple people#anyways ive seen enough fandom discourse posts about The State of Fandom#and The Same 5 Tropes Recycled just copy pasted into different fandoms#what i speak of isnt just about my fave. rather my fave is a victim of this fandom tencency#and it is a FACT that fandom will force characters into offensive stereotypes that dont even make sense#tldr sometimes fanon.....is way worse than canon#also i revised and edited this like a billion times to make sure i wasnt hasty or vague or mean#so if i still made a mistake. whatever i guess this post took hours#it's not about wanting absolutely everyone to love my favorite#it's about the fact that ppl actively hate him even in spaces that are about him/ships he's in#to the point i have to not interact with strangers bc i never know if my fsve will randomly get shit on#and on top that the hate is mostly based on surface level assumptions and misinformation#so not only is my fav hated in a way no other character is. they dont even hate him for canon facts#sucks to see the fandom so thoroughly full of hate by ppl who arent informed bc they never gave canon a chance
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minimujina · 2 years ago
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for some reason i am anxious right now and i have no idea why and i have that like awful anxious tummy feeling so rn im thinking about like kuni giving back hugs and wrapping his arms around ya tummy because i think that would be pleasant and soft
i feel like it’d be his favorite way to hug you because he doesnt have to feel embarrassed coming up to you where you can see him and analyze his expressions and body language. he just gets to hug you and feel your warmth without the shame of you knowing he really wants your affection (you still know) (but at least he can pretend hes being subtle)
if youre standing anywhere near a chair, couch, or basically any flat surface fit for someone to sit on, he’ll wrap his arms around your tummy and drag you to sit down with him on his lap. like idk if im explaining this right but like if it was a couch he’d be leaning back and ur like on top of him like oh my god hold on ill just draw it ffs
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anyways yep yeah my drawing skils are chef kiss yup anyways he’d do this all the time, just loves to feel you so close gwa gwa and he can just bury his head in your neck and fluster you and its rly cute yep
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juniperberrypipebomb · 8 months ago
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Decided to log into twitter (hell) and outside of everything going to shit as always i found this piece of shit as my banner
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I dont even remember when i made this but i do remember that i did and i remember how i made it
I saw a picture on twitter w some kind of caption and decided that i could make it look like a banner
i tried to add the fire flaming text that i saw on some reposted to twitter tumblr posts where someome makes a grammatical error and someone corrects them in a form of flaming (sometimes animated) text (never change guys, gals and all of you magnificent pals lol) but at the time i didnt know the website that you all used so i tried to improvise and google
I remember half way thru the making of this text being so upset that it looked like shit but after taking a break for 20 minutes i said "fuck it, it is way funnier this way" and i kinda glad that back then i decided to "fuck it we ball" it
It looks disgusting and i love it
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
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yumenosakiacademy · 7 months ago
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so many like r18 cds tht r some obsessive/yandere/dark boy cooing over u but wheres the opposite 😔 cds where some guy is trembling n moe n we the listener r cooing over them n mayb threatening him while hes near-tears. sad.
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sshirakumo · 10 months ago
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why do potential clients on IG wanna see shit about their hairstylist’s life and personal growth and journey or whatever now like wtf
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ganeshpnf · 2 months ago
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To the anon that sent me an ask about asking my thoughts about the tv show, Im so sorry but something happened and I think it got deleted 😭 But dw I would still answer it here-
So this would be a critism post and I want to make it clear that everyone is free to reblog and comment their thoughts freely, while being kind. Critism is valid and its not rude, but any bad comments or hateful remarks to any actor, especially child actors, would be deleted. I dont like blocking so dont make me please!
Okay to start, I would be so honest and say I did not find the show successful and I did not like it. I would explain all the reasons, but did it make me feel nostalgia a bit? Yes it did. Did it make me cry at the end? Yes :) I would add pros at the end. But first:
Cgi was really bad, I mean that claiming scene would be a laughing stock in a few years. Chimera? Nope- Medusa's hair also looked better in that movie in 2010. Also they avoided showing Grover's legs so much, also didn't even show us riptide's change...They got 15M per episode and if these are the results, then it is a problem. Background of Percy and Ares's fight- so so greenscreen. I wish Disney can take things seriously.
Lighting was so dark, especially for the lighting thief. Which was such a humor filled book and it was way too colorful. Why make it all so dark and lifeless?
Also humor? Way too low for pjo. "But we are not reading Percy's mind!" Yet, there were so many jokes in the books that could have been add, but they didn't. Yes there are some good jokes (pinecone fate) but to the standart, I expected to laugh way more. Its pjo!
Changes? Well to be honest I am a person who keeps book and show separate, I dont think they are the same at all. So I dont complain about the changes at much. But most of the changes were pointless to me and so many things left unsaid. I wish they didn't make Gabe way too soft. Children's show, yes. But then again, what would you do for later seasons if they cant even show Crusty's dead. Sally's real reason to marry Gabe never get explained, why? 4 pearls, why? Missing deadline? Totally pointless. Not mentioning Riptide's name? Chiron might have say it. Love tunnel? Now its a long one. Rick explained they couldn't do spiders and its hilarious, you gotta do sea monsters man- And instead of a chance to see an actual comedy: live on Olympus and Annabeth losing her shit. We get to see such a early scene of Percabeth drama. Why changing one of the funniest scene in the books to drama? You needed more edits for view or smt? Hephaestus falling over to the speech of friendship was nothing but cringe to me. Moving on, Thalia's acting to Annabeth. Why she is not nice to her and Annabeth had to earn her love. The point was Thalia to remember Jason and taking Annabeth under her wings immediatly bcs of it. Medusa's scene- Instead of us laughing to trio's silly behaviours and falling to her trap like little kids would, we get to hear a monster-hero talk. Yay another speech! Ovid's side of the story also bothered me. Greek mythology, why adding Ovid? Just us to sympatize with Medusa. Lotus Casino scene- We could have watch them have fun and going crazy but noo- they had do add more drama with Hermes. Did not see the point of his appearing either. Why is he there? I wanted to see them being children...And wanted to see the magic of the place!
Now if I move to characters, Percy's I know it all side is just annoying and adds no suspense to the viewers. What's the point if he knows everything already? "But his mom taught him!" But guys, remember, the whole point of pjo was: us to learn with Percy! We were learning the Greek myths with Percy, who is new to the world. They go somewhere and Percy immediatly: "You are Crusty, my mom told stories about you!" 😑 What a relief then! You tell us. Percy's sudden bravery at the end? Dude, he has 5 books for that.
Annabeth turning to a stoic child soldier? Suddenly goody-two shoes? Where are her emotions? Her fears? Her flaws? Her fricking love of architecture? She doesnt need to know everything to be smart girl. She had ADHD, she is 12! Ofc she was supposed to fall in traps. We should have watch her blushing as Luke talks, getting all wet by Percy in the toilet, she was supposed to our little girl. She is not just a badass queen yet, please. Give her personality back. Why she only smiled once at the end of the series? And not having a childhood, not even watched a movie? You guys cant be serious- She grew up in chb! She picked up strawberries, she played games and she watched movies when she was little, remember? She was not in legion... She is one of the most emotional characters, should we remind this to Rick and writers? She cries, she has feeling! Dam she was crying when they left Cerberus! She was a trouble-maker, she stole clothes, remember? Her portrayal was awful...
And about the Gods- Just..."He is trying to make them look awful at the beginning" Then why the hell it was only Athena? Almost turning her to second Zeus- Are you kidding me? You make her suddenly a child killer, when in the books she was nothing like that. Why making her worse, when other gods(Poseidon, Hermes, Hephaestus,Dionysus,Ares,Hades) seem way more human and nicer? You cant tell me he tries to make them worse when they are portrayed like that! No sir- Hephaestus is nice enough to release Percy after a friendship speech. Poseidon is suddenly a perfect dad, he is not sorry that Percy is born. Ares is just a dumb twitter bully, where in the books he was threating them to no end. And fricking Hades?! I am sorry but Hades like that- He should have been scary. But no, he is just a lonely cool guy. I thought he softened after Nico. Cant wait for the development now...
Other than that, one of my most important things: vibe. Sorry...Like I said, it was way too boring for pjo. Even that horrible movies had more vibe! Gimme the vibe!
Pacing? Has a problem and I hope they fix it. Episodes being too short? Also another issue.
Now for the chb, I was hoping to see more activity. Why the camp is not full of noisy kids running around, playing hide and seek like in the books, training wild around the areas, camfire and silly songs? Where are our children screaming and being ADHD demigods? Instead they play chess in the cabin- Please, give more life to chb.
Finally, for the things I liked:
Riptide song!!! That song is my favourite thing in the whole show- Like its soo good.
Seeing Sally's struggle to raise Percy. Also a plus for me. Because I was curious. Also adding Poseidon to the scene was okay. I loved that parts.
Young Percy did awesome and he was such a good actor :)
Percy's dreams were good, I loved seeing them. Congrats! Andd, child accurate cast. It was important. But I wish they hurry so then we wont have it anymore 😭
That was it! Like I said, I find it a bad show, as a fan of 12 years. I waited this for so many years. I was dreaming this. But sorry, bad show is a bad show. At least it did give me some nostalgia and it did make me cry at the end :) I hope they improve because it would suck if they get a cancel before season 5. The bad thing is, I feel they knew we pjo fandom wanted a show for years. And they knew we would eat the crumbs. Its just not fair, you know. They would like it anyway, type. They are not taking it as seriously as they should. With that budget, look at other shows with that budget. I know, its still a kids' show. But I dont think its an excuse for them to upset the fans who waited this long...
Thanks for the ask anon! And like I said, feel free to add your thoughts :)
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thana-topsy · 1 year ago
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If you're up for sharing more writing tips, how can I tell if what I've written is actually any good? With writing I get stuck in a cycle of feeling like I'm the next Shakespeare while writing but then I'll look over my work a few days later and absolutely hate everything and think it's the most cringe shit ever, then I'll leave it a bit longer and think eh it's not as bad as I thought but still not great and so on. I feel like being forced to write for a grade during school and having everything be marked and assessed and assigned a particular value has robbed me of the ability to critically analyse my own work in a way that's objective and accurate but also fair and realistic. I can analyse other peoples' stuff till the cows come home but I lose all rational thought when it comes to my own stuff
Adding onto that, how do I get to the point where I can stop looking back at my old work and hating everything and wanting to delete it all? Realistically I know finding fault with my old stuff is good bc it means I've grown and improved from where I once was etc but at the same time I wanna enjoy stuff I've made in the past without cringing every time I read it
Hey there Nony, I wanted to let this one percolate a little bit before answering because I've been where you are. And it's a rough time for sure. But aside from my own experiences, I also wanted to get the opinions of some of my writerly friends in the fandom, too, since everyone is a little font of wisdom in their own right.
So I'm going to share their advice alongside my own, because this is kind of a complicated string of questions you're asking. Long post ahead!
@paraparadigm says to Keep Writing: "Write more. Write so much (and so many different things) that eventually the sheer volume bulldozes over self-devouring ego, comparison twitches, or feeling lost, because you don't yet know your own baseline. Coupled with "read more, read everything, read things you enjoy and things you don't, read for the craft as much as the entertainment." And: "I'd add that when revisiting old writing, it's helpful for me to differentiate between "ew the writing is not as technically solid as it is now" and "ah that's interesting, I guess that's where I was at then, emotionally and psychologically". Old writing is also a sort of archaeological record of your younger self, and that can, in fact, be a bit itchy to revisit, so learning to cherish that without passing judgement can be really helpful. I try to treat it like those little marks one puts on the door jamb to track a kid's height."
@mareenavee says "Part of it is writing more, as Para said and I will always second that. Another part is, honestly, the hardest part. It's to try very hard to get out of the habit of negative self-talk.... There's so much work involved with this but normalizing being proud of your work and having some grace with yourself is part of that answer."
@archangelsunited says "Early on, instead of going “this has to be a masterpiece” I would tell myself my only job was to tell a story. I couldn’t tell a story if I was deleting it. Also, talking about your work helps. The less ashamed I was of my writing, the more people wanted to read it. There is a need to hide your work, and that can lead to a downward spiral all its own. And, 90% of the time, you have to suck at something to learn to be good at something. The work you already wrote shouldn’t be the sum of all your skill, it should be one of those measuring sticks for the moment. Despite previous thought, you won’t be stuck at the same level forever."
@polypolymorph says "In addition to accumulating experience via reading and writing, you also have to be willing to reinvent the wheel. Unfortunately the Process™️ is unique to everyone, and even when you are deliberately mimicking a voice as, say, a ghost writer, you can't expect that 2+2=4 for you. Your process might look more like a Lotka-Volterra equation for the same type of work and that's okay. Trial and error is the best way to figure out what advice actually works for you--and if it doesn't, it doesn't mean you're wrong. Don't get stuck on pop writing advice like a sad roomba does on an upturned rug. Learn when to throw it out."
So there's some advice from some other excellent writers! I hope you've been able to find some value in their advice, because it certainly kicked me in the pants a few times.
As for me, I think, having been where you are, my biggest piece of advice is: Find joy in the craft. Get curious instead of critical. An artist shouldn't down themselves over a rough sketch when they're working out a drawing, so why would a writer do such a thing? Everything you write is practice. Everything you make has value because it builds up to the next thing you make.
At the end of the day, you are the only one who is capable of telling the stories that are in your head. This fact alone gives whatever you put onto paper value, regardless of quality. You are creating magic, in the most literal sense! Creating something out of nothing, conjuring images into someone else's mind from hundreds of thousands of miles away, transcending space and time. It's amazing!
Lastly, my final piece of advice is to just write for fun. Write things nobody else will ever see just because you wanted to get words onto paper. You have to unlearn what was drilled into you in school. You are more than a content creation machine. You are an artist, a wordsmith. And just know that there will never be a day when you look at your own work and say "That's it, I have achieved perfection."
Writing is a life-long journey. Just enjoy the ride!
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tempestvista · 2 months ago
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It's a different level of isolating to somehow be too autistic for other autistic and/or neurodivergent folk. That, too mentally ill for other mentally ill people, social outcasts, etc.
I've used this example in therapy because although it's silly and juvenile it's the only way I can get it across in clearer (ish) terms.
Imagine being in one of those early 2000's Disney movies/shows and you're obviously disliked by the "popular kids", because of course, yeah? But worse is the knowledge that you're a pariah to even the stereotypical exiled people, and consequently you get isolated from them, too.
Genuinely, how does one end up being persecuted against by people who say they're the same as them + bring up the same problems as them- for THOSE exact issues? Honestly it feels like some of yall (my experiences, not general) just co-opt this stuff as a talking point and never truly grasp the literal concept of a spectrum. I'll never fakeclaim anyone (it's an awful thing to do and go through) nor is that what I'm doing here, but fuck me, it's frustrating to experience this on ALL sides.
One other contributing factor is constantly being misunderstood- And I'm aware, that's normal in this area, sadly- But to be misunderstood by other ND+Mentally unwell folk and NOT be heard out/have stuff assumed about you and/or be talked over fucking sucks to endure. Double if that's just how the conversation ends and you never speak again. Feels so cringe and leaves me wondering how do you truly interact with others on a level where you can enjoy each other and disagree and come out not splitting up.
I've seen a few select people try to advocate for these things, too, and it feels like such a spit in the face. I'm aware the world isn't a friendly place, grow up, blah blah blah, but I don't think it's hard to expect some kindness and bare minimum respect.
Anyway tldr I think this just boils down to frustration and pain over being isolated in a community that I and many others try to find reprieve in bc. Yk. Same disorders, feelings, et cetera. That, and legit never being heard out lmao 😭😭 Why don't people just ASK? Is it that hard oml
Not a vent (or intended to be), however, somewhat a personal post so I might delete later LOL
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auroras-void · 1 year ago
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Literally anyone: *is my friend, is not mono and taken, gives me like, 1 (one) attention*
My brain:
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Istggg I do this so fucking easily, like I don't even think it means much bc it's based on so little, but I just wanna be loved so bad, I'm so desperate for attention, my brain will latch onto the tiniest little thing and run with it.
Like I'm realizing now I've done this all my life, but before I was an anxious wreck so doing anything with the thoughts besides thinking didn't even register as an option so it was fine it never mattered. But now I'm like, confident... ish? Like confessing to my friends is now an actual thing that I could do, (and actually have done before, albeit unsuccessfully, but thats another story). So now I have to actually listen to, examine, and reflect on my emotions and determine where they're coming from and what I want to do about them??? So cringe.
But anyways ya I called up an irl friend of mine earlier who I hadn't spoken to directly in weeks just to hang out and chat, and I forgot how nice it was to just talk with them,, and we talked about how we should cuddle and play with each other's hair (platonically, we were both talking about loving being pet like a cat) when she gets back into town.... ~~and I realized I kinda wanted to add that honestly she could even just straight up kiss me and I would be ecstatic about it~~, and then I spent the next hour or so thinking about how good the vibes were just hanging out together,,, and how yk actually was she always that pretty?? So um ya ig that counts as maybe a teeny crush??
Like it feels similar to stuff I've felt before, but I mean, honestly I think my brain might just be getting excited bc we were talking about affection like in general and also I haven't been called prettty in too long. So I'm like wait do I actually want to kiss her or do I just want to be kissed like in general? It's probably only the latter, but I suppose they aren't mutually exclusive? maybe it's a qp crush?
I think I just gotta talk to her more and see how I feel really
Anyways /rant, honestly might delete the half under the fold to move to my journal later but I mean it's not like it matters too much which screaming void I leave these thoughts in so, eh.
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decafdino · 1 year ago
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Can you give me some advice plss? bc I just love your writing so so much... then I think it's a good idea
I love writing stories and imagining them, I think of a new one pretty much every day but there's one that I can't get out of my head and I really want to write so maybe I can post it and be able to share some of my thoughts of Carlos childhood and Tarlos in general.
... but my insecurities won't let me write a full paragraph without thinking it's awful and everyone will hate it. So I was wondering if you have any tips for me.
Thank youu
Okay so first off— it means a lot that there is someone out there who is seeking my advice on writing. Like wow, thank you.
Second, I understand what you mean about having so many ideas swirling around in your head. Brainstorming is one of my favorite pastimes and definitely was my jumping off point when I started getting in to fic writing. I started out writing 911 LS fic because no one was writing the story that I wanted to read, so I just did it myself instead.
As someone who reads a lot— and I mean A LOT— I have seen many different styles of writing, from modern poetry to classical literature to (my most often-read medium) fanfiction. Fic is special, because there's this understanding when you click on the title or link to a page that what is being posted is made out of love for the fandom you're writing for. It means that it doesn't have to be perfect, and as a reader, for the most part, if I can understand what you mean through your word choice and what's happening in the story, I'm going to enjoy it. I can say with absolute certainty no one is going to hate you, the author, for writing something in celebration of a fandom (the exception of course is if you choose to write about something that's controversial in any way in your fandom space, but that's generally a given for being online.) Plus, the worst that could happen is if someone doesn't like your fic, they'll hopefully just click off. If you're writing for LS specifically, I can basically guarantee you that whatever response you get is going to be positive, because that's just how this fandom is in my experience.
The point of me saying that is that if you have an idea, you should write it. It doesn't have to be perfect in the first draft, and honestly when you post the final draft on ao3 no ones expecting you to be Shakespeare.
(Also, if you want to know a secret? Tons of authors struggle just the same as you do with imposter syndrome. In fact, I've taken a break from writing today because I was stressing myself out about it so much. Twenty-four hours later and I'm feeling better about it. Whenever you get that way, I think it's important to remember that no one is going to write like you do, because that's the beauty of the artform: it's unique. When it gets overwhelming for me, I like to take a step back for a day or two, then come back at my draft with a fresh set of eyes.)
But I think the most important thing, if you do want to get in to writing, is to not delete the stuff you've written. Yeah, you might cringe later at it, but first drafts ain't pretty for anyone. They're for laying the foundation of your story, and the best part is no one ever has to see them because you can just edit the fic to be better and better in the later drafts. Again, if you have an idea, then you should run with it. The only opinion that really matters is your own.
TL; DR I believe in you, anon! Go forth and create your own beautiful, unique art! (and maybe also send me the link if you do end up posting so that I can hype you up)
Much love,
DecafDino | Flogsam
ps. feel free to hmu if you have any more questions. my inbox is always open ;)
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axemetaphor · 4 years ago
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augh I ended up doing a lot more OC stuff than jdate stuff but heres some Crossover Doodles from my plane trip back home ! also hi yes I Am home with all my equipment now but I'm so fucking exhausted from not sleeping I'm gonna spend today crashing see y'all♡
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babisaur · 5 years ago
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I took something someone said in tags a little too personaly and made a stupid post and im feeling realllllly bad about it now 🙃
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luwupercal · 2 years ago
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I’m asking this question to tumblr user horuslupercal but you seem like the necron expert here so I’m requiring your knowledge too
I have a question. Before they met the necrontyr, the C’tan were a bunch of weird space slime floating around the place eating suns right. How did the necrontyr manage to get in contact with them? How did they manage to find out the C’tan were sentient at all?? From the description I saw they behave more like single celled organisms or very strange plants.
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This feels more like a group of scientists naming a member of a new species of deep sea squid “Messenger” because it will help them out with studying its species. “Let’s name it Mephet’ran!! It means Messenger. Wouldn’t that be adorable💖?”
Now I may be completely wrong in my assumptions but the idea that the necrontyr anthropomorphised the C’tan, giving them personalities and thoughts that their species simply doesn’t have. And then the C’tan doing the complete opposite to the necrontyr by turning them into the necrons. …similarities parallels narratives…
okay SO I'm going to check some codexes later for in-depth answers if I have the brains for it but I do actually have some answers. not all of them, but I do have some answers!
The necrontyr found what would become the c'tan in space through probes, either by complete accident or, allegedly (it's the Book of Mournful Night in the in-universe Black Library saying this, so this might be eldar bias or it might be the objective truth of the universe, I have zero clue, blame Cegorach), the necrontyr's hatred of the Old Ones was so great that it attracted the c'tan through space and made them come to the necrontyr
This is from the 3rd edition necrons codex, so take it less with a grain and more with the Khewra Salt Mine in Pakistan, but Lexicanum says there's old lore about a c'tan just kinda teleporting to a necrontyr spaceship and starting to kill people and demanding to be worshiped, and that's... one answer as to how first contact went / how they found out the c'tan were intelligent.
This does however contradict the Fandom wiki, which says, without source (god damnit), that the necrons forged bodies for the c'tan based on their old gods (which ***I personally assume*** to mean, like, the necrontyr equivalent of Zeus or Thor or whatever, as in, they were a dead religion for a long while). (This probably comes from a newer codex, but I have to actually look at codex lore for that and I don't actually have access to any codexes, so, again, I'm gonna go snooping and get back to you on this one).
The idea generally that the necrons associated the c'tan with their old or "dead" gods seems to be very prominent though, and it is a form of anthropomorphization, absolutely, so you were right on the money on that! Even back in that third edition necrons codex it's stated that the necrons thought the c'tan were the spawn of an older (dead) god of theirs. So yeah, the necrontyr did anthropomorphize (necrontyrmorphize?) the c'tan, but in a holier sort of way
Imagine if someone found sea slugs in space and we put them in, like, Odinbot 3000 mechas and worshiped them as gods, and then in return they decided to eat our souls. Is this based or cringe? Vote now on your phones
Also I reverse google searched the quote you sent and Lexicanum claims it's also from that 3rd edition Necrons codex which I didn't check until I'd written the bit about the salt mine, I am so sorry. I'm not deleting it though bc what is the internet if not to make jokes that are only funny to you
We are all need new necrons codexes
Fandom needs to cite its sources. Doing this is like, a good chunk of the reason why Lexi is better (apart from the not being part of Fandom wikia conglomerate. also Lexi notes that N'kari went through life as a male eldar before becoming a daemon and I don't think Fandom does, which is a loss for lgbt diversity among eldritch abominations, tbh)
(Sources are great and they made Fulgrim bisexual)
Anyways, I don't think there's any source that talks in depth about whether or not the c'tan were intelligent before being given bodies, so "the c'tan were given sapience by the necrontyr with their new bodies and they proceeded to immediately use this to fuck the necrontyr over" is a perfectly reasonable assumption to make. Headcanon to have? Interpretation? it's my interpretation now, for certain
Also idk if I understand the "And then the C’tan doing the complete opposite to the necrontyr by turning them into the necrons" bit at the end? I'm not actually very sure what you mean for it and I am curious about it because that sounds interesting but there's a number of plausible interpretations i could make for that statement and I would appreciate clarification if you wanna give it
I'm ending it on 12 because it's a tidy number but I have nothing else to add so I'm just gonna put a funny here: heyheyheyyy c'maahn the Deceiver's just a little guy, the Deceiver's just a little guyy, noo, it's also his birthday, the Deceiver's a little birthday boyy
anyway I hope this helps!
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lale-txt · 2 years ago
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Hey! I absolutely adore your writing and thanks to you I am so damn in love with Rayleigh (but more with you)
Thank you for sharing your work with all of us! It really helps me through the days!
Also I had a question, do you perhaps have a tip for writers? I do write myself, but at some point I start to cringe and think my work is just trash and embarassing? I can't tell if I truly like it in the end or not. I feel like I am a bad writer, even though I try to tell myself that I do wrote just for fun, but still..m it feels odd and than I just delete my work (months kater I kinda miss them all though, bc the idea itself wasn't bad but how I wrote it?)
aaaahhhhhh .・゚゚・(/ω\)・゚゚・. thank you so much for the sweet message! you're so kind, your words made me feel very warm. always pure bliss hearing my works help someone through their day, that's such a huge compliment.
for advice: first of all - don't delete your work! never!! if you're not feeling good about it, put it in a folder and out of sight, just anywhere where you don't get confronted with it all the time. but never delete! trust me, months or years later you will return to it and will be glad you still have them. yes, you might cringe. i feel that's just normal because it also means you know you have evolved from this point in the past? it doesn't make you a bad writer. it makes you a human who is practicing something they enjoy a lot?
like for me, perfectionism always gets in my way. all the fucking time. there's some old works on this blog i can't read anymore because months later i would write it wildly different. but there's also the opposite, where i look back at old writings and i'm in awe of how well-written it is to a point where it feels like no way that I wrote this? either way you should be proud because it means watching yourself grow!
and it can be super scary to share your works with people! but it gets easier. and it will be worth it! i promise you, there will always be someone out there who will clutch your writing (or any art really) to their chest and claim it as the best thing ever. even if you might not see it that way yourself.
i have so many thoughts about "feeling cringe", i feel i can't sort them out properly. but my advice would just be... embrace it. be cringe but be free. and maybe fuck what others think. if anyone makes you feel bad about your art, yeet them. surround yourself with people who are supportive and kind and who you can be cringe with together, because at the end of the day all that matters is that you enjoy what you're doing and if you're writing for fun, there's nothing that should stop you in being as self-indulgent as you can be. write the fics YOU want to read. have fun and go wild with them!
shit this got long. but obviously i have a lot to say about this because at one point i was where you are. so believe in yourself like i do in you, and if you ever feel comfortable sharing your writing, i'd be so happy to read it! <3
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kangdan101 · 7 years ago
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hello! i was tagged to do the before and after tag by val @kingdans and abby @hwangminyeo thank you for tagging me~ and thank you for blessing my eyes once again with your stunning visuals aslkdjgaosdf  timeline of pictures: me today @ 4pm --> me today @ 7 pm LOL  first picture: me for the majority of my life; long black hair second picture: me for the last 3 hrs; short ombre (black to brown) hair :)  i’d always wanted to dye my hair but never had the nerve to till today hehe xD i’ll be tagging:  @kngniel @1guanlins @darkpastwoojin @p-arkwoojin @dxnghyuns @hasungswoon @idaehwi @j7sung @jwihoon @kangniel @kimsjaehwan @kimjaehwanswife @l-guanlin @parkji-hoons @ongeuigeon @panwink @parkwoojins @rosybaejin @yjjisung @cheolscoups @seonnho @lovebugi @memelordjisung @l-guanlin @minsbugi
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