#might be online eventually im very tired | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

demoiselettes · 2 years ago

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hihii!! ur blog looks so cute i love it <3 can i req a match up? My name is katie but i go by lun4r online, my pronouns are she/they, and im omnisexual :]

my appearance is kinda pale, pretty short (4'10), dark brown eyes and hair, short hair that has kinda spiky ends (like a wolfcut), and dark circles/eyebags haha. I have an alternative style (emo & scene/scenecore) and i wear things like spiked collars and bracelets, fingerless gloves, *those* type of boots, and LOTS of kandi! I also commonly paint my nails (mostly either black or rainbow) but i pick them a lot so they're very short.

my personality is very anxious, kind, smart, funny (according to my 5 friends), pretty insecure, shy, quiet, and tired. I get hungry easily but i only like certain foods. I have a bunch of disorders (GAD, SAD, MDD/clinical depression, Selective mutism, ADHD, insomnia, and potentially autism) and i get easily overstimulated/overwhelmed by sounds, lights, smells, etc. I have very intense interests that i love to talk about and write stuff for XvX also, i desperately want a significant other, idk if that's helpful but yeah ^^

my hobbies/interests are writing (specifically poetry & essays), reading manga, watching anime, drawing, reading regular books, listening to music, and making kandi stuff (bracelets, necklaces, rings, etc.)

my likes are bats, poetry, psychology, sugary foods, caffeine, nighttime, books, manga, anime, politics, philosophy kinda, emoticons, and making kandi ^_^

my dislikes are hot weather, bugs, heights, multiple sensory things (certain sounds, for example), judgey people, bigots, and doing bad on stuff.

my favorite color is orange but i also like black, pink, green, and purple!

Eventide

I match you with Inosuke Hashibira!

•inosuke’s first thought/impression of you would probs be ‘hey..that must be an important person.’ bc of your style

•He’s definitely going to challenge you to duals and the likes

•It takes him a while to figure out you don’t rule over any mountain and that you’re not a god

•When he does figure it out, he just clicks his tongue and calls you weak- specially due to your height

•But he keeps finding you intriguing, since not a lot of people he knows dress the way you do

•He’s gonna be following you around a lot, pestering you with questions

•It doesn’t take him too long to understand that you don’t enjoy him yelling/screaming

•Of course, he can’t understand exactly why because most animals he’s grown up with growl and shriek and even Gonpachiro and Monitsu yell a lot

•You’re gonna have to take your time to make him understand that these things can easily overwhelm you, and even then it’ll be a long shot before he remembers not to yell around you but he’ll get to it eventually

•Your selective mutism is what puzzles him the most

•He knows you can speak, so why don’t you do so? He knows some people can’t speak at all but you can..

•In the beginning, he’s probably going to think you’re looking down on him and not finding him worth talking to

•So he’s gonna try and show you just how worthy he is by flexing his muscles and sword skills and.. flexibility

•It’s only when his friends tell him that you might just not be too comfortable with speaking that he understands you’re not looking down on him

•This’ll probably be the turning point of your relationship

•He’s gonna ask you a bunch of questions(though not yell them) about your conditions and he’s gonna try and take note to try and not trigger you, though he still finds you puzzling

•In some ways, he understands your desire to have a significant other though in his terms it’s a, um.. ‘mate’ but y’know

•Still, he finds it more virile to fight demons and assert dominance

•Y’know, once he’s gotten the hang of your conditions, he’s definitely gonna be sort of protective of you

•Like if Zenitsu starts screaming he’s gonna slap his head and tell him to quiet down for your sake

•He wouldn’t know what to do much with your anxiety and how to handle it too much, but he’s will try to offer comfort by reassuring you that you’ve got the king of the mountain to protect you !!

•He likes to put you in headlocks and ruffle your hair as a greeting

•And he most definitely wants to dress up like you do, thinks it’d make him more flashy(Tengen really influenced him)

•He’s going to help you make kandi! He’s super bad at it though and gets easily frustrated when he can’t make good ones like you

•I feel like he’d single-handedly go to Obanai and ask him to teach you poetry so he can impress you and ofc he’d get into a fight with the snake pillar cause the latter would refuse

•Knows a lot about bats, having grown up in the forest, and definitely tells you whatever he knows to show just how smart he is, but he also secretly likes seeing you happy you didn’t hear it from me

•On the other hand, he’s much less versed in terms of books and politics and though he isn’t interested in the latter, he’s gonna try and learn how to read so the two of you can spend time reading books together he’s such a closeted softie sldnejsjdb

•I cannot tell you how many times he’d pester you to draw him, he insists he’s one of the best models

•Would ask you to paint his nails too, but he can’t stay still for the love of him

•Okay, i’m sorry but before he learns of your dislike for bugs, he’s gonna bring you ladybugs as ‘gifts’

•But then quickly takes them away from your reaction and never brings any bugs back

•Despite Inosuke having really strong opinions, he’s not all that judgmental. For that reason, he also dislikes people judging him and his minions aka you, Tanjiro and Zenitsu

•He’s not against fighting people who contradict you

•I also feel like he’d compliment you a lot, but they’d always be weird compliments like ‘you look like a wolf’ and what he means is ‘you look regal and elegant’

•He’d give you lots of fruits since he’d know when and where to get the best ones and he thinks they’re healthier for you than sugary foods

•Also has a thing for sneaking you out during the night to stargaze or explore forests even though he’d been caught by Aoi/Shinobu a lot :,)

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #nan’s eventide.#inosuke hashibira matchup #thank you for the sweet words 🥹#and im sorry for the delay :(

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bakery-anon · 2 months ago

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I MISSED YOU TOO BAKERY ANON !! i’ve been okay !! just going to school and work so nothing that exciting, just very busy busy so i’ve only really been online during night BUT it’s helping me decrease my screentime so it’s kind of good!!(but i do miss being chronically online with everyone else<//3

i’m sorry things have been stressful for you, i’m manifesting better days for you right now :(( things might seem hard now but they’re going to get better eventually! it sucks that your chef keeps taking away your class time from you but hopefully you’re able to catch up eventually. take things one day at a time and everything will be okay <3333 something that helps me organize a bit when i’m stressed is to write it down in my memo pad so that i can visually see the things i need to do, and !! crossing things out seem so rewarding so i get a bit more motivated to push myself a bit! (BUT don’t push yourself too hard bug please just prioritize yourself over anything <333) i also hope your english teacher is lenient and understanding of your situation, if it gets too much though i definitely suggest just talking to them just so that they can be a bit more understanding of you being behind in everything

IM GLAD YOURE ABLE TO STAY HOME TOMORROW YIPPPE!!! take all the rest you need and cool down! your week sounds so so stressful right now so it’s definitely good to take time for yourself!! <33333 i hope your day tomorrow is better than today, i wish i could literally fly over to you and take some burden off of your hands </3333 (im NOT a good baker nor am i really a writer but i will try!!) but it sounds like you have a good support system with you so im really glad for that <33333 cheeseburger macaroni actually sounds good and interesting?? i’ve never tried it heard of that before!! but comfort meals are always the best!!

we can cheers our water bottles while we drink! i’ll always read your little rants whenever <333 i had some vietnamese food my mom made earlier as dinner but!! i will get a snack now in honor of you !!(pretzels i’m coming for you) i love you bug!! i hope this message isn’t too long <333 manifesting better days for you!! take care of yourself as always and be nice to yourself, thank you for always being so kind and bringing such a warm environment to the community, so make sure you take care of yourself too <3333 xoxoxo

MANGO ANON <33333

Omg I completely get how you feel </333 I’ve been so busy and just want to catch up on all the fics I’m behind on (reading and writing). I’m still chronically online but not like how I was over the summer </333 I hope work and school let up a little bit so you can relax and have some free time soon <333

I’m manifesting good days for you too mango anon <3 you deserve only the best in life. I’m hoping I’ll be able to catch up on everything tomorrow 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ after much needed sleep. I literally came home and slept from like 3-9:30 and almost just went back to sleep. Instead I made myself food and now I’m awake lol. My motivation is complaining to my friends about things I need to do and them going “okay so do it.” (In a loving way). I’m gonna try my best not to push myself too hard!!! Yeah, my English teacher is pretty lenient. He doesn’t really take points off for late assignments but I keep forgetting to turn my stuff in bcs you have to email it to him instead of there being like a “submit” button or anything. He’s chill. Slowly but surely I’m catching up to where I need to be in my classes.

My mother giving me Mother Mandated Mental Health Days is my saving grace during the school year. I drag myself upstairs and she goes “mental health day tomorrow?” And I nod my head and go to sleep. I’m gonna sleep so much tomorrow omg- I thought about going to school but I’m just so tired </3 come on over!!! I’ll make you fruit bars and we can have a game night!!! <3333 I usually stress bake but we don’t have anything at home to bake so </3 one day very soon I will stress bake. Cheeseburger macaroni is as it sounds! Macaroni with hamburger in it. We get the Hamburger Helper but I also like doing it with velveeta Mac n Cheese. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Yes cheers 🥂 (<- fizzy apple juice) finishing off my water bottle right now and about to get another one. Awww <333 I’ll read your rants or rambles anytime too <333 ooh!!! That sounds so good!!! Pretzels my beloveds <333 I hope you enjoy your snack <3 I LOVE YOU TOO MANGO ANON <33333 also bro, what do you mean message is too long??? Do you see my replies to you??? /lh Yap sessions are never too long (tumblr cuts off DM messages at like 747 words </3) but yap all you want. I will happily respond, yapping is my favorite pastime. Manifesting good days for you too <3 I’m getting better about being nice to myself! You make sure to be kind to yourself too mango anon! We all love you so much!!! <3 Thank you for thinking I’m kind and warm, I’m legit gonna think about that forever now thanks <3

You’re so beach coded omg. Sorry, I really like the beach so you remind me of the beach. It’s a calming place for me like the waves and the sand and stuff. Idk you just remind me of the beach and like hunting for seashells. Thank you for checking in everyone and continuing to be a positive presence in everyone’s askbox. I love you mango anon, please take care of yourself too <333 and you’re welcome anytime in my inbox so feel free to send an ask in whenever! <33

#༉‧₊˚. baker’s consultation #✧⁑ cookie cutter #✰✦ bug’s storefront #mango anon <3

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shotorozu · 4 years ago

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BABE , i saw a hc ( i think it was urs) where the boys’s s/o was really fashionable, ( as somebody that’s gone viral on pinterest a little too many times ) I WAS WONDERING , what if you did a todobakudeku ( separately please omg) with somebody that’s like the emma chamberlain of fashion and they own everybody’s pinterest boards and stuff AHAHA IDK , the amount of times somebody has said ‘ wait ur that one pinterest girl right?? ‘ ANYWHAHEEIE I LOVE YOU N HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! 💗💗

pinterest famous s/o

character(s) : midoriya izuku, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, they/them pronouns (at the request of anon) strong quirk hinted; not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack-ish (x reader)

note(s) : thank you anon!! so ok, i still used they/them pronouns even though the reader is afab (again at the request of anon) and whdjwkd sorry for the inactivity :,) also im gonna post more later so— sorry for the delay

»»————-　♡　————-««

midoriya izuku

when middle school midoriya finally got a phone, he downloaded pinterest for the sole purpose of looking at screencaps of heroes

but then, he hasn’t touched it a few months, because he’s been training with all might

then, when he finally had enough free time again— he decided to go on pinterest

but instead of finding any heroes he could look at, he found the prettiest human being he has ever seen in his entire life 💀

that person was a different type of beauty, y’know— they weren’t just fashionable, but their beauty was,,

timeless? that’s how he’d describe it. yeah. that person lived in his head rent free for a while

sadly, he feels like you’re that person he sees once in his life, and never again 😔　which isn’t the case

when he finally meets you, midoriya realizes that you look VERY familiar— someone on pinterest, that he unfortunately, didn’t know the name of

but then wait! he realizes that you’re that person. that one person that blew up on pinterest, and ended up in all of the fashion boards.

okay, you’ve been recognized a few times in the past, just because you were pinterest famous— but you didn’t expect him to recognize you

“wait,, you know me?” you asked him when you saw the realization sink in

and you were honestly,, flattered when he went on a tangent on how you were on all of the pinterest boards, and how your sense of fashion was timeless

but you know what’s the best thing of it all? when izuku developed a crush on you (and not because he thought you were just an attractive face)

it was very easy to find pictures of you online! he says it’s for research but,, he tends to look at them for a long time

probably has 3-4 pages dedicated to your hero costume— since fashion icon = fashionable, yet a very practical hero costume!

does he get jealous whenever people fawn over your looks, or whenever he sees comments in pinterest comment sections just asking for your socials in such desperation?

hmm,, yes? he does occasionally feel like someone like you, should be with someone as equally beautiful as you

he thought he was always plain looking, but you wholeheartedly disagree! in fact, you fell in love with his ability to pay attention to detail.

to the random creeps in the comments section, he just contacts the uploader and asks them to delete any malicious comments and it works 100% of them time.

on the brighter side, he helps a lot with taking your pictures (if you ask him to) and sometimes! he’ll even appear in them

izuku will always be your #1 fan!

bakugou katsuki

at first, you’d be like “katsuki owning pinterest? naaah.” but! i think he would

being an all might fan, he liked looking at all might screen caps— and while katsuki would be on the discreet side, he’d find himself looking at them whenever he has extra minutes to burn

not to mention, the cooking recipes on there aren’t the worst, so he doesn’t just use pinterest to look at screen caps of heroes doing their work

and, how could he forget that you’ve been bugging him to search for rare screen caps? he says that it’s useless— but he finds himself digging for you anyway,

which is whyyy

he finds an entirely different rabbit hole, and it’s way past 10pm, 3 more minutes wouldn’t wound him.

the blond doesn’t know how he even stumbled on.. this side of pinterest. the one that kind of hurts his eyes.

the more well known side of pinterest, that is covered in pictures of fashion boards, and the standard pretty person.

the ‘aesthetic’ side, kaminari calls it— it makes bakugou cringe, and he was just about to refresh his page

when he spots something familiar, it’s you‼️ well it wasn’t just you but, you were dressed in something,, nice.

like sure! you’re attractive. but that’s not why he’s dating you, there’s a lot of reasons as to why

but, he’s baffled. seeing you in a different light, and in such nice clothing, what more, when he sees that you’re actually everywhere. he hasn’t seen this much of you and your attractive ass before

katsuki told himself that he was going to sleep a few minutes ago, but now? he’s left admiring all of your pictures.

how did he not know that his s/o’s pinterest famous? you’re practically in every single board!

he confronts you the next day in an oddly weird manner, “you didn’t tell me you were famous on that stupid pinterest app.”

you’re sheepish, “welll, i didn’t know that you were going to stumble on that side of pinterest!”

he doesn’t say anything, and really! it looks like he doesn’t care about the newest discovery of his s/o

but he shows his feelings in his own way.

like, how katsuki insists that he finds a new outfit that you’d absolutely love— one that’ll fit with your aesthetic

and that he insists that he does your graphic liner, because you’re going to ‘poke your eyes out’

makes an entirely different account to reply to those simps and creeps in the comment section, sort of like

random pinterest user : “the things i’ll do to be crushed by them 💦”

pinterestuser461903 : “go touch some fucking grass.”

also would’ve commented “your art sucks” at the poorly done drawings of you in the comments, but knows you appreciated the art— so he doesn’t

(still thinks the fanart doesn’t do you enough justice)

he’ll be super proud when someone notices you in person like “yeah that’s fucking right, but too bad they’re super attractive and way out of your league.”

in short, it looks like katsuki doesn’t care at all about your pinterest famous life, but he’s your #1 supporter

todoroki shouto

i am certain for this one— he doesn’t have pinterest

well, he didn’t have pinterest, until midoriya convinced him to create an account, but it kinda just ended at that

but the person that actually made him use pinterest was sero, because he kept bugging him to give it a try

todoroki finds the app very practical— he can find screen caps of heroes in action, and he can also find oddly helpful tips in cooking (and in anything)

but sero was like “todoroki, what about the aesthetic value??” and todoroki didn’t really get that part to be honest 💀

todoroki, being clueless didn’t know what to search for— so sero being the wonderful friend he is, helped him search for it

and that’s when it happened. it didn’t take that long, but they eventually found an entire section just full of pictures of you; their classmate and crush

“is that Y/N?” mina notices what they’re looking at, and she observes the picture “oh wow— it is her! no wonder why she looked familiar.”

“it’s impressive! our classmate is pinterest famous!” they continue to look at every single post in each board, and todoroki’s left to observe in silence

he has definitely taken a liking to you, even if he didn’t realize it at first— he liked you because of your hard work when it came to training, personality and patience, not because of your looks

obviously, todoroki thinks that you look good in anything, trashbag style or not. but seeing you in this light was interesting.

so after training, todoroki would spent a good portion of his time scavenging for more pictures— not because he was obsessed or anything

but because,, he really liked your pictures. maybe it was because without you in those pictures, it would feel incomplete

he didn’t know how to approach you after this discovery, which is why he’s glad that you approached him first

“todoroki! what are you looking at?” you took a peak at his screen, and you’re baffled to see yourself, and that very famous picture of you

he’s quiet for a second when he realizes that you’ve caught him staring at your pictures, but he explains calmly, “sero accidentally discovered your pictures,, and i just wanted to take a peak at them, if it was okay,,”

and he’s relieved— well, you’re also relieved. you didn’t know how your crush would react if he ever saw those pictures, but your heart skipped a beat knowing that he enjoyed looking at them

“it’s alright todoroki,” you smile, honestly over the moon as you spoke “i’m really glad that you like them.”

sometimes you’d get shy whenever he’d go on pinterest just to look at your pictures, “todoroki, not that one! that one was really old,,” is what you’d say whenever he’d look at your older photos but he’d still look at them anyway 💀

at first, todoroki helped you in his own subtle way. since he’s quite the fashion icon— he’d recommend you clothes to wear for future pictures

he eventually confessed— and it was because you were talking to him while he was really tired, and he blurted out that he really, really liked you and you almost passed away because of his words

so yeah— it was a case of secretly admiring their beautiful best friend to lovers scenario

he’d go the full mile when it came to taking your pictures. he’d check the weather forecast just in case if it was going to rain for that date, and impromptu picnic photoshoot

that boyfriend that has pictures of you in his photo gallery, and has a backstory for each photo if anyone were to ask

also that boyfriend that knows how to take pictures, will probably even lay down to take them, even if you didn’t kindly ask him to

when you asked him to join the picture, he didn’t really know how to— but he made it work! and the both of you guys went viral

but this isn’t all one sided, no— whenever you guys would cuddle, shouto would simply stare at you with HEARTS in his eyes,

and even before he leans in for a kiss, he’ll stare at you with so much love in his eyes, while he traces his thumb across your cheekbones. man’s in love— you’re gorgeous.

he knows that you know that he’s not with you because of any ulterior motive, you both have mutual trust in each other— so it’s not something you guys will bother on questioning because you’re both hot asf lets be real

he’s not uncomfortable whenever people gawk at you in public— i mean, you two get stares on the regular. and how could they not stare at you? you’re very attractive, and he’s glad that people recognize that

but he’ll get protective if they’ll try to be a threat to your loving relationship with him, he won’t be afraid to be blunt

regarding the comments on each pinterest post— he hates it when people say things out of the line

always tries to hide them from you so you don’t feel bothered by them, but if you knew about them— he’ll be sad :,(

but he’ll end up mass reporting those nasty comments— and they always get taken down, because of the shouto todoroki luck

in short? man’s whipped, and the both of you guys are SO attractive together— what more if people knew about the om chemistry?

really— you being pinterest famous was just a nice plus, he fell in love with you for you

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

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fairycosmos · 3 years ago

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so i might be going crazy but i keep imagining all these scenarios where im like. hanging out w my friends or doing smth by myself and imagining how nice it would be to do it w them or have a convo w them, watch a movie, etc etc and im even laughing by myself in my room

and i dont have a lot of friends just like 2 ppl i talk to semiregularly but we havent gotten that many chances to hang out this year

anyways its very weird and obsessive because its not even like daydreaming about a crush yk but i do it so much that i dont finish my work. bestie i am losing it

hii noo i feel like that's so common TBH and not something you need to pick apart / crucify yourself for. i do with it ppl i've never even met 😭 full on smiling and laughing imagining stuff. like always 0.2 seconds away from talking out loud to nobody lmfaooo. it's where i get any semblance of feeling cared for LOL. if we're being real i think having a small group of friends + the isolation of the pandemic and just life in general has rendered a lot of ppl to feel quite alone and this just sounds like a side effect of that. sounds like you're looking for more intimacy and genuine emotional connection, which is literally like. the most human thing in the world im so serious. there's nothing weird about you just because you want that, even though i understand why you feel kind of odd about the way it's manifesting itself.

if it's getting to the point where it's getting in the way of you functioning normally on a day-to-day basis, it could be becoming a form of maladaptive daydreaming. here's an overview of it and a few basic ways to start work on coping with it in a more productive way if it's really making you feel guilty, uncomfortablce etc. but anyway like i said i don't think you're going mad and i don't think you should bully yourself over it at all. this probably means nothing to anyone LOL but i see ppl on tiktok talking about doing this exact thing alllllll the time like it really isn't that far beyond the realms of "normal" or whatever. but ultimately i think what's going to help the most in the long run is trying to foster more connections with ppl + take advantage of the ones you already have in any way that you can through vulnerability and consistent communication with those who love you.

both of those things are wayyy easier said than done and yk i recognize that there's very little opportunity to meet like-minded ppl these days, and recognizing that that's the case - that it's not you, it's your situation - can do a lot for your self esteem imo. but i hope you can find some sense of community eventually, even online or something. personally im one mental breakdown a way from picking up a sport or something just so i see other ppl outside of a work/getting drunk setting bc the loneliness is aliveee at this point and im tired of it. ig what i'm sayinggggg lol is that i totally hear you and understand where you're coming from, and i think a lot of us do, so no worries. im officially diagnosing you with NOT losing it and being so fun and cool. mwah x

#anon #i did not say what i want t o say in this anon srry im soo so sleep deprived and tired from work sorryyy sorry

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plush-rabbit · 3 years ago

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Mental Toll - Brothers.

Request: My mom kicked me out, her 15 year old daughter out of her house. And I've been staying with my aunt but everything is taking a mental toll on me . Can I get a Beel, mammon, Leviathan, or asmo comfort?

A/N: Sweetheart, I’m sorry for this. It can be all so difficult for you, but please take care of yourself. Remember that nothing is your fault, you’re a child, you’re gonna be okay. Please don’t keep these emotions bottled up (im also assuming this is comfort on your situation, so yeah)

Mammon:

You’ll always have a place with him. He’s taken on a guardian role for you and while he might have hated it at first, he’s grown attached to you. Your guardians in the Human Realm don't matter. They decided to leave you, so now you’re here with him and he isn’t going to abandon you anytime soon. Mammon may not know what to do when he finds you crying and unable to speak, but he cares and he’ll try to show that to you, telling you that you can bunk with him for the night- you get to take his bed and he’ll sleep on the couch, you don’t have to be alone.

He isn’t exactly the best at comforting, using a bit too many words only to come up short, but once that initial nervousness wears off, he’s comforting. He’s taken care of a child before- granted they were much younger, and was then put into the care of witches- he knows what a scared kid looks like. He’ll offer what he can to you and let you rest your head on his bicep as he listens to you ramble about what happened. He won’t ever push for you to talk, but it might help sort out all those feelings that are bubbling up inside of you.

Of course it’s difficult for the both of you. He isn’t too knowledgeable about the mentality and fragility of a human mind and emotions but he can assume to be essentially kicked out of a parent’s home can be rough. He’s dealt with it before even if he knew the risks. He remembers the nights of pain and agony, the silent suffering that was thick in the air, and the lack of self-care. He comes in with a small meal every day, grabbing random vitamins that he thinks might be good for you, and just lets you rest. You see a more hidden side of Mammon, the one that cares too much, that acts almost like a parental figure and have a comforting smile and gives nice hugs.

You aren’t free to rest forever. He’s also seen what that kind of damage that can do to someone's mental health. He won’t ever pressure you to go out and do something you don’t want to, but you do have to move from the spot on his bed. You can hide yourself in his room for as long as you want, but you can’t live your life stuck in a bed. He knows that that isn’t good for anyone. You’ll have all the space that you could want and need, but you need to also talk to him and take care of yourself.

It’s his role as your guardian to take care of you and make sure that nothing bad would happen to you- you being in the Human Realm makes no difference to that. You’re still under his protection and he’ll take care of you as much as he can. Mammon can be brash, and have his sin take over, but it isn’t all that he is. He can be selfless and take care of you and let you just relax around him. There’s no pressure put on you and he’ll protect you. He promises that- he’s a demon, he’s lived for a long time and he’ll live for an even longer time and as long as he’s around, he’ll protect you.

Leviathan:

Coming to Leviathan is certainly a choice. He cares- of course he does! But, he doesn’t know what to do. Of course he knows how it feels, but it was different and so long ago and buried under memories and the fictional world, that he chose to forget that. It’s different with you. You’re a child who’s crying and at a loss for a parent that left them and it must hurt. He’s awkward, but he’ll sit by you and have a hand on your back telling you to take all the time that you need. He’s always here in his room after all, so you can always find him.

In the beginning, he doesn’t know what to do. Surely, there should be words or tips online that could help him translate his words and feelings better than “that sucks.” An apology feels so fake and unsure and he doesn't want that for you. You deserve something real, an actual meaningful interaction that might help you but he comes up blank. He doesn’t know what exactly he should say, so he just lets you rest beside him as he tells you his own encounter with abandonment and what helped him.

He tries to make you feel better in a way that helps him- via distractions. It helped him and maybe it could help you. You like to spend time with him so you both must share some type of interest in common. He feels so proud of himself when he offers you to read his manga or play some of his games. It’s a nice distraction and depending on what you choose, it can be a great way to just open up emotions and see what could effectively help trigger just that blockade of emotions for the both of you. You don’t have to do it, but it proves to be nice to just immerse yourself in some fictional tale.

Eventually, he starts to read what you read once you’ve fallen asleep. You gravitated towards it for a reason and it’s easier to talk to you like that. You get to be the hero, the protagonist or whoever you want, and he knows the struggles that they go through. He can help through an outside glance. It starts off simple, just him mentioning comments, prying for information about why you like a certain character and then in just a blink of an eye, you’re crying. You opened up and he’s by your side.

Comforting you is a bit awkward, but what could he expect. He sits by you and lets you talk through your emotions even if it makes no sense- your words are garbled and out of order- but he gets the main point of it. Leviathan understands that you’re hurting and who wouldn’t be. You’re a child, and the love of a parental figure means a lot. He might not be confident to have that type of relationship with you, but he can certainly be a big brother who lets you come into his room and sleep in a futon that he has when you’re feeling particularly lonely.

Asmodeus:

His eyes are sad, the usual glow and glimmer dimmed and his smile once beautiful and stretched, it pulled into a soft frown. Even in sadness, he still looks beautiful. With a gentle pull, he brings you into his room, and lets you set your stuff down on the floor. Asmodeus holds your face in his hands and gingerly wipes away your tears. You’ve had such a long day and it’s no secret that he has the best bath in the house, so he lets you go use it in order to destress, just enough to clean yourself and have time to gather your feelings and thoughts.

The room is suited to him and to only him, but he figures that you wouldn’t want to be alone. He has to rid some of the extra pillows on the bed, rid of the stronger scents in the room in order to not congest you more, and just declutter his room a bit more. It’s suited for him, a demon who can and lives for the finer things, but for you, he needs you to be able to breathe. The sheets are replaced, the towel that he has set for you soft and fluffy and the clothes clean and smelling like the house, a much better scent than the stitched to your clothes. He sends it to you via magic, wanting you to come to him when you’re ready.

When you approach him, he gives you a comforting smile and pats the bed beside him. He grabs your hand and massages it slowly, telling you that he’ll be here for you if you need anything. You can talk to him or choose not to, and he won’t pressure you in the slightest. You can take your time to talk to him. He feels a bit bad that he can’t tell you that everything will be okay, he knows it will, so sure of it that he’d bet himself on it, but it isn't what you want to hear. You just need to know that he’s right there by your side.

For now, you’re okay. You’re safe in his room and he likes being an older brother- at least to a few. He likes to spoil people rotten, and he gets to do that with you. You get to have everything good and shiny. You’re going to be okay when you stick with him, because he won’t let anything happen to you. He’s going to be your new home, your new big brother.

The process is tough, and he doesn’t rush anything. It’s subtle with Asmodeus and being ever so careful with his appearance, he makes sure to take care of yours. Mental health is so fragile and he just wants you to be okay. He’ll offer substitutions if certain activities can feel a bit too difficult for you, but he doesn’t push too much. You still have to take care of yourself and it might feel overbearing, but he needs to take care of you.

Beelzebub:

Family means everything to Beelzebub. At the very end of it, it’s part of the core of who he is. He feels your pain and is empathetic when you tell him what happened and he holds you close, letting you rest on his bed as he sits on the edge with a comforting hand rubbing circles on your back. He’s a demon, he knows just how cruel others can be, and yet, to see someone hurt someone as young as you, it makes him sick.

Your tears hit him hard and he can only hug you as you cry into him about your situation. There are too many emotions inside of you and it must be so difficult for you to handle all of them and he wishes he could help take that away, but he can only hold you and make sure that you sleep in a position that won’t hurt your neck once the tears have tired you out. It’s the little things that he does for you until you come to him and explain everything to him, and he’ll listen and won’t interrupt.

During this time, he tries to not be imposing. He doesn’t want you to run from him so he’ll give you time to come to him when you’re ready. He checks up on you often, knocking on your door and entering with a few snacks. He’ll stay if you ask him and talk to you about mundane stuff. A part of him wonders if that’s really what you want to hear, but he can’t say anything different. He doesn’t know what it is that you want to hear and he doesn’t want to pressure you any further. Anyways, it seems like you like to listen to him during these moments. Maybe, he provides a nice distraction.

He’ll always make sure that he has his phone on him in case you need him. He’s told you before that you can contact him whenever you want, and that he’ll come running to you. He’s sure it’s his big brother instincts taking over. He may be the sixth brother, but it doesn’t remove the fact that he has a twin. It’s only by his power that he ranks sixth. With you, he can be a big brother and be the cool and caring type that takes care of you. You can always come to him whenever you need something and he’ll make sure to give you whatever you want.

It comes to no surprise that you two develop a strong bond and you start to stick to him and he welcomes that. He won’t leave you alone unless you ask him to and he always makes sure to include you in whatever activity he has. During lunch, he’ll sit with you and listen to you and he’s glad that you're starting to feel better around him. You’ve both grown quite attached and he tries to do good by you. Beelzebub will give you whatever you need because beside his twin, you’re the youngest in the family. He’ll reassure you that nothing is your fault, that you’re only a child and that you’ll be okay. You’ve been there for him and he’ll be there for you.

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #big brother vibes!!#for all!!#or least four #theyd care a lot #theyd be clunky and unsure how to deal with it #but they would #they care

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endosdni · 3 years ago

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i understand that its bad for systems to have names from closed cultures and i agree that those should strive to eventually be changed but yall know peoples mental disorders dont revolve around being culturally sensitive right ... ?

you have every right to not want to speak to an alter in a white body named naruto or whatever but you have to understand that for a lot of systems who are literally still in unsafe environments changing your name is not a priority when it could and does cause extreme distress lmao. ban them from your servers or whatever, you have the right to not want them in your private spaces, but you gotta understand that it’s not as simple as “just pick another name or your system is racist” lol.

like, littles exist. please imagine explaining to a 4 year old that now they have to pick a name different than the one theyve been using for 10 years. theyre Not Going To Want To lol. if any single person comes on this post like “just change it without asking” im breaking your fucking nose. that is INSANELY unhealthy and detrimental to recovery. it shows the alter that you dont respect their choices. it gives them a name theyre probably not comfortable with. and if theyre forced to stick with it it could severely harm their sense of identity. THEY have to be the one to change the name, and it’s not always as easy as “lol just pick a new one”.

lets put it this way. if i met someone who was clearly experiencing delusions, but his delusion was that the mexicans were watching his every move trying to actively steal his job, i wouldnt talk to him. if this was online and depending on if he is racist outside of this delusion i might ban him, block him, etc, for my own safety and the safety of other poc. you know what i wouldnt do? try to reality check him, or start telling him that his mental disorder that he cannot help is racist (which im sure he knows it is!) and he needs to change it.

im just tired. if we all stopped viewing DID/OSDD-1 as having fun little brain friends there wouldnt have to be posts like this is very week but here we are lmao. even y’all who are so vehemently anti-endo forget that DID is a trauma disorder and perhaps it is not worth sacrificing communication and trust between alters to be culturally appropriate.

#im not white dont fucking start on this #mod bunn #syscourse #heres the tws —>#delusions #racism #abuse #(implied)#idk what else do i tag it as.#bunn being an asshole part 3

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 3 years ago

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Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Kazama Chapter 3

*sigh* been super tired cuz of the new semester. literally passing out whenever there’s time between classes or after them... though, i’m glad my courses are back to being online. had one in-person class last week and there were roughly 44 people in rooms meant for 50, so social distancing was impossible for most people (i got lucky and was seated by myself)... and while im guessing enough people complained to the school I’m at since the classes switched back to being online now, im still annoyed that the Law Society of Ontario mandated that we had to be in-class in the first place since most legal proceedings seem to be conducted online nowadays... making what the LSO did feel like a situation of “do as I say and not as I do.”

oh well. c’est la vie.

anyway, enjoy~ kazama technically doesn’t show up in this chapter again.

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Kazama Chapter 3

Translation by KumoriYami

I talked to some of the other warriors about how food had been stolen from the kitchen, which had caused quite a stir......

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any clues about the criminal.

Yukimura: Fu......

While feeling a sense of disappointment, I returned to my room.

Yukimura:......Huh!?

Another letter had once again appeared on my desk.

Yukimura: Wh-Why did this happen again/is another one of these here?

Just like before, the name of the recipient and sender hadn't been written.

Perhaps they were confusing me with someone else?

While thinking that, I opened the letter, which only contained a short sentence.

【Do you have a response now/What is your response/answer/Your response?】

Yukimura:......

Response/Answer to what?

Furthermore, without the name of the recipient, I couldn't write a response/I couldn't write a response without the name of the sender.

Yukimura: Is this someone trying make a joke...? [reword later?]

When I thought that——.

(image of Kazama flashes)

For a split second, I felt as if there was someone behind me, and looked back.

Yukimura:......

But when I looked back, I found that there was no one behind me.

Yukimura: Am I being imagining things/being too oversensitive......?

As I thought that, when I turned my gaze back towards the desk, I noticed that a new letter had appeared.

Yukimura: Th-This wasn't here just now/before/earlier?

It felt as if there was a strange atmosphere/sense of tension in the air.

As I felt a slight chill, I cautiously opened the letter/so I opened the letter carefully.

Then——

【My patience is limited/I have limited patience. Give me a/your response as soon as possible.】

There was only one sentence in the letter again.

Yukimura:......

Even if you say "give me a/your response," it was hopeless since I didn’t have the sender’s name....... which was what I thought.

I could hear the sound of footsteps coming from outside my room.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by the appearance of Kondou-san and Hijikata-san/I saw Kondou-san and Hijikata-san.

Yukimura: Ah...... it's just Kondou-san and Hijikata-san......

Kondou: Oh, Yukimura-kun, what's wrong? You look quite flustered/panicked/worried......

Yukimura: Ah, no...... Kondou-san, Hijikata-san...... I have a question that I wanted to ask...... Did either of you....... happen to leave/place a letter in my room?

Hijikata: A letter? I don't recall doing that/No impression of that...... Did something happen/ What happened?

Yukimura: Yes. Actually——

I described the strange incidents that occurred earlier to the both of them.

I wasn’t sure if they would believe that the number of these worrisome letters had increased......

At first, the both of them looked bewildered/confused, though now they were looking at me with serious expressions.

Hijikata: You're saying that someone broke into your room and left these letters? Is that really what happened/true?

Yukimura: Yes. I also don't understand why this is happening......

Kondou: What the heck is going on? It’s impossible for an outsider to have infiltrated the Shinsengumi’s headquarters......

Hijikata: First of all, can you let me see the letter that was left for you?

Yukimura: Ah, yes, here it is.

I handed the letter [or letters? not enough context to tell if this is plural or not] that had been left on my desk to Hijikata-san.

He frowned as he read the letter, and eventually......

Hijikata:......Somehow, I feel that this is from an arrogant bastard. Just from looking at this.... I feel pretty irritated.

Kondou: This..... I can't discern anything else from this. Furthermore, only one sentence was written.

Hijikata: One sentence is enough to judge that guy's personality.

Kondou: Is, is that so? Then Yukimura-kun, do you any idea/clues about who might have sent these?

Yukimura: Clues? Speaking of which, it felt like I heard that tone before...... [the word i have is "heard."]

I closed my eyes and searched the depths of my memory.

A haughty/arrogant person who would come across as extremely prideful even when sending a letter......

(image of kazama flashes again)

Yukimura: !?

There’s no way/There was just no way...... This is the Shinsengumi's headquarters......

I vigorously shook my head as I tried to push that idea away [tl for the latter half is "shake off the shadow/doubts"].

Yukimura: That's impossible......

Hijikata: In that case, we’ll have to observe the situation for the time being. If something else happens, let me know right away. We still have to deal with the commotion caused by the guy who stole food from the kitchen.

Yukimura: Un-Understood.

Kondou: Then, we'll be going first. See you later, Yukimura-kun.

Yukimura: Okay. Thank you very much for listening to me.

Bowing to in thanks, I bid them farewell as the two of them headed down the corridor.

...What on earth was going on with these letters?

I can only hope that they don't cause too much of a commotion......

-end of chapter-

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki yuugiroku 2 #Kazama Chikage #Yukimura Chizuru #Hijikata Toshizou #kondou isami #hakuoki game translation

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neo-shitty · 3 years ago

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toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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kpoptrashibnida · 5 years ago

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Enough Pt. 10

A/N: What is up my peeps! Here is part 10, I hope you guys enjoy it! Feedback is always welcomed/wanted! Happy Reading!

WARNINGS: 18+, SMUT

Chanyeol knew that what he was doing was borderline insane. He didn’t understand it himself, really. It was as if something possessed his body and took over his normally cool and collected self. He felt powerless to his impulse, the need to know the information he wanted overpowered his sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. But then again, he felt like he didn’t know how to properly differentiate from the two. He often knew what was right but didn’t always do it.

‘It’s okay to look. It’s for research purposes. I just want to see what she is up to. There’s nothing wrong with that…’ Chanyeol thought as he willed himself to open up his Instagram app and type your name in the search box. He groaned in frustration as thousands of pages popped up with similar names to yours. When you two were hooking up he never added you in any of his social media accounts. He figured that it would make things less complicated if you weren’t there to see all the posts he would like and comment on or get tagged in. He didn’t want anything messy or complicated and that’s why he used to be fine with not having you on his social media.

After weeks of not hearing from you or being able to get into contact with you, he finally decided to hit rock bottom and look you up online. The only problem is that it seemed like everyone and their mother had the same name as you. Trying to find your profile was going to be a wild goose chase, so he went on Suho’s instagram to look up Mina and from there to look for you. Thankfully that plan worked perfectly because he was able to find you right away in Mina’s followers list. He was very relieved when he saw that your page was public, giving him access to your photos without having to follow you. If your account had been private, he knew he was not going to add you because he was too prideful.

Your instagram feed was pretty safe; it consisted of photos of food, landscapes, photos of you and Mina and a few cute selfies. There was a photo that caught his attention. At first sight it only looked like a photo of a coffee cup at a cafe, but once he clicked on the photo and zoomed in, he could see the corner of a face that appeared to be of a man. There was no indication on the caption that you were with anyone in particular and no one was tagged. The caption read ‘it’s always coffee o’clock’. Which meant nothing because you were obsessed with coffee. The person in the photo could be a guy but it could also be a girl with a short hair style. Or it could be a coworker and nothing else.

‘No need to freak out.’ Chanyeol thought, ‘it’s probably nothing. She is probably too busy to date anyway.’

He couldn’t help himself and clicked on the comments to see what people wrote. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary… until he saw the one comment.

Itsminakim: drink water hoe ;p

Itssuhokim: im surprised you don’t have kidney failure by now

Gldnboiijk: noona! I miss getting you coffee! Plz come back to seoul. I miss you >.<

Jjh_2019: i’m glad i met the person that loves coffee as much as i do :D

The last comment rubbed Chanyeol the wrong way even though it wasn’t necessarily a flirty or incriminating comment. Something about it just bothered Chanyeol and he couldn’t understand why. He clicked on the profile and was annoyed at the fact that this person’s profile was private. All he could see what that his name is Jung Jaehyun and that he works for Friends Corp as well. He clearly is one of your coworkers, and hopefully nothing else. Chanyeol finally sighed and put his phone away, deciding that he did enough digging for one day. You seemed to be having a good time in New York and he should be happy for you. And he was, he just hoped he could talk to you. He had been busy at work producing music for a multitude of artists, his songs actually being very successful. He was elated at the fact that he had an actual career now doing something that he loved and it was going well for him now.

He finally felt like he was getting his life together and he wanted to keep improving as a person. He wanted to be someone that you would be proud of and would be willing to give him a second chance. You were almost halfway through your year-long project contract and he was really hoping he could get in touch with you by the time you got back. Suho was still being a hardass and not budging on giving him any more information about you. It sucked that even his close friend didn’t believe that he could change and be more serious about his relationships.

“Mr. Park.” Jihyo said as she knocked on his office door.

“Yes, come in.” He said, putting his phone away in his drawer.

“Ms. Kim is here with her manager. They’re in the conference room and they’re ready to start on the new single.” Jihyo informed, holding the door open for Chanyeol.

“Thank you Jihyo.” He followed her out the door and to the conference room.

‘No time to focus on those things. It’s time to focus on work and grind.’ He thought, putting on a smile on his face as he walked into the conference room, ready to tackle a new project.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

After a long week of work you were glad to finally be able to relax and enjoy your time off. The pop-up project was halfway completed and it was crunch time. You were busy setting up meetings with local newspapers, magazines, tv stations and online blogs. You had endless conference calls and meetings. What helped you stay sane was working with your three favorite boys, endless cups of coffee and the foot massages Jaehyun would give you after long days of meetings and presentations.

You filled up your bath with lavender salts and turned on some relaxing music. You started to undress and you slowly sat down on the tub, letting out a low groan at the feeling of the hot water relaxing your muscles.

“I brought that wine. Still want it?” Jaehyn asked as he walked into your bathroom with two glasses of wine.

“Yes please.” You sat up and excitedly grabbed the wine glass form Jaehyun.

He sat down on a stool you had in your bathroom and sipped on his wine with a smile on his face as he watched you relax as you drink your wine. He eyes the wet skin of your chest and looks away before his thoughts get too carried away. Ever since you two took your relationship to the next level, it was something you did almost on a daily basis. Jaehyun basically moved into your apartment because he mostly stayed at your place now. You’d go to work together, go home together, ate dinner together and fall asleep in each others arms after some passionate lovemaking. He already had some clothes at your place, occupying a small part of your closet. Your bathroom vanity also had his hair products, toothbrush and other personal items. Jaehyun was very excited about the way your relationship was going and he hoped it kept getting better.

“So are you just going to sit there and stare off into space or are you going to join me?” You asked, amused at Jaehyun’s spaced out expression. You figured he was also very tired from the long work week and you thought he might need to relax as well.

“You want me to join you? I don’t want to interfere with your relaxing bath.” He said, taking your empty glass away and putting it on the sink.

“You won’t. Come in and relax with me.” You said with a sly smile, moving your hand in the water and making waves.

“Well if you insist.” He said with a chuckle. He quickly undressed and he was in his naked glory before you knew it. You gulped and looked away as he walked towards the tub. You don’t know why you got so shy all of a sudden. You have seen him naked multiple times but you couldn’t help the way your body reacts to him. You didn’t want to push him to anything because you were both tired, but you were insatiable when it came to Jaehyun.

He got in behind you and tried to adjust himself in the small space. You tried to wiggle your body away from him so he had more space to get comfortable in but you were stopped by his hands on your hips.

“Babe, unless you want me to have a problem, I’m going to need you to stop moving.” He bit out, trying to keep his growing erection away from your body.

“Sorry.” You said sheepishly, relaxing your body against his and placing your hands on top of his as they rested on your waist.

You hum in contentment as your body started to relax, enjoying the warmth of the water and the heat that was radiating off Jaehyun’s body. He was enjoying having you in his arms but the way the water moved around him and your soft body on full display for him was making his body react in a carnal manner. He was trying hard not to focus on it, but his body had a mind of his own. You felt his erection press against your lower back and you tried to hold back the smile that was trying to escape. Jaehyun has very high stamina and you honestly are not complaining about it. It was so cute how he made no move to relieve himself of his needs and it warms your heart just how considerate he is of you and your needs. However, when it came to Jaehyun, you were very insatiable. He could take you over and over, day after day and you would not get tired of it. Deciding to put an end to both of your misery you turn around as best as you could in the cramped space of the tub, facing Jaehyun with a sly smile on your face.

“What are you doing?” He asked with an amused smile on his face.

“I wanna kiss you.” You tried to hover above him and he adjusted himself so you could slip your thighs around him easier.

You leaned in to kiss him, your chest pressed up against him sensually with the way the water caressed both your bodies. Jaehyun kissed you back with fervor, allowing his hands to roam your hips and thighs, eventually making it to your ass and squeezing slightly. His actions made you moan into his mouth which fueled the need in him. His erection was pressing against your thigh and you couldn’t take it anymore. You were already soaking wet and you just needed Jaehyun in you. Breaking the kiss, you widen your stance even further and move up Jaehyun’s body, aligning your center with his hard cock. He guides your hips as you sink down on him, groans leaving both your mouths as you feel yourself being stretched out by his thick cock.

“You feel so good.” You pant against his neck, the stimulation of the water and his dick was overwhelming.

“I can’t get enough of you baby.” Jaehyun grunted, snapping his hips upward as he pounded into you.

You moaned at the feeling, not really worried at the fact that water was splashing everywhere and making a mess. You were more occupied with what was going on between your thighs.

“Fuck baby, I think I’m going to cum.” Jaehyun panted, throwing his head back with a low moan as you moved yourself up and down on his cock, squeezing your walls around him.

After a few more thrusts you felt yourself come undone, a low moan escaping your lips and you shuddered on top of Jaehyun. Your pussy clenching around him is what finally brought him to his climax, both of you panting and holding each other in the blissful aftermath. You pulled away slightly to look at Jaehyun and you couldn’t help but smile at him, leaning in to kiss him with ernest. The kiss was electrifying and soon the kiss became more intense and urgent.

You laid on your bed face down with nothing on but your fluffy bathrobe. Your mind and body were exhausted and all you wanted to do was sleep even though your stomach was rumbling loudly. After your session in the bathtub with Jaehyun, he gave you one more orgasm in the bathtub and another one in the shower. By the time you were out of the shower you were clean and exhausted. Jaehyun had to help you into your robe and carry you to the bed because your legs felt like jelly and they weren’t functioning properly. Once he left you on the bed, he got dressed and left to the kitchen. You were finally dozing off when you heard the bedroom door open, making you open one eye to see Jaehyun come in with a pizza box in hand.

“Hey babe, I have dinner. You should eat something before you sleep, you had a rough day.” He said, slyly putting emphasis on the word rough.

You rolled your eyes and sat up to sit at the head of the bed, happily accepting the plate that Jaehyun hands over. He also brought you some ginger ale and set it down on the night stand beside you. He turned on the tv to put on your favorite tv show while you ate. You felt blissfully happy like this, next to Jaehyun and in your home. Once you were done eating and brushed your teeth, you fell asleep almost instantly wrapped in Jaehyun’s arms.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It was Sunday night and you were folding laundry while watching TV; Jahyun had gone to get some Chinese food and you were getting everything ready for your work week. You were in the middle of hanging some skirts when your phone went off. You saw that it was Mina and instantly went to pick it up, happy to hear from your best friend.

“Mina! How are you?” You answered excitedly, making her chuckle.

“Dang girl, you’re that happy to hear from me?” She said, amused at your tone.

“I’m always happy to hear from you silly.” You said as you walked to the laundry room, placing the last clean load into the dryer.

“You’re so cute! Well I am calling you because I have some news…” Mina trailed off, making you curious and slightly nervous.

“Are you okay?” You asked instantly, worried that there was something wrong.

“Yes, I’m fine. Better than fine actually, I’m great. I wanted to call and tell you the news… I’m pregnant!” She said excitedly, a surprised gasp leaving your mouth.

“Oh my god? Really? How far along are you?” You asked, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. You were going to be an aunt!

“I am 4 weeks along. We wanted to wait until the first trimester was over before we told the news to anyone. But now that the doctor gave us the all clear and everything looks good, we decided to break out the good news!” Mina sounded so excited as she explained the situation.

You were so immersed in your conversation you didn’t even notice Jaehyun walk in to the apartment. He heard your excited chatter and figured you were on the phone with Mina. You only ever got that animated talking to her. He placed the bags of food on the counter and sat on the stool, patiently waiting for your call to end.

“I am so beyond happy for you and Suho. As if you guys couldn’t be the most perfect couple, now you’re going to be the most perfect parents. Please send me as many updates! Link my calendar with yours so I know when you have your doctors appointments.” You said sternly, making Mina laugh.

“Oh my god and I thought Suho was bad, you’re worse! But of course I am going to keep you updated on everything. You’ll get sick of me.” She giggled playfully, making you roll your eyes at her antics.

“I could never get sick of you. I wish I could be there with you.” You whispered the last part, not trusting your voice at that moment. Tears threatened to escape but you willed them back, not wanting to make her worry.

But of course, Mina wasn’t your best friend just in title, she knows you better than you know yourself.

“Don’t cry bitch, you’re going to make me cry.” She chastised, voice sounding wobbly as well.

Before you could say anything else, you heard a distant and muffled ‘hey!’, before Mina could continue.

“Right! Sorry babe! Suho wants me to stop cursing. He says that the baby can hear and he wants me to not say bad words around the baby once it’s born. It’s so hard though!” She whined, making you laugh.

“He’s got a point.” You agreed, making her whine at you because you are her best friend and you should be on her side, not her husbands.

“Alright babe, I have to get going. I just wanted to call you to let you know of the newest member of the Kim family. I have to call my mom and my sister before it gets too late.” She rambled, speaking faster than normal. Those pregnancy hormones are no joke.

“You haven’t told your sister or your mom?” You asked in disbelief.

“Of course not. I called you first.” She said in a nonchalant voice.

“Aww you do love me!” You teased, knowing how much Mina hates when you do that.

“Okay, I’m hanging up now. Love you.” She says, blowing a kiss into the receiver.

“Love you too.” You reply, hanging up the call.

“Everything okay?” You jumped when you heard Jaehyun’s voice behind you.

“You startled me!” You said in a breathless laugh, your hand on your chest as if to stop the erratic beating of your heart.

“Sorry babe, you were really into your conversation and I didn’t want to interrupt.” He said as he made his way towards you, snaking his arms around your waist to bring you close to him and press a soft kiss on your forehead.

“It’s okay.” You said, standing on your toes to give him a small peck on the lips.

“So what was your call about?” He inquired as you both made your way to the kitchen, where the forgotten food was.

“Mina called me to tell me she is pregnant.” You said with a smile, taking your food boxes out of the bag.

“That’s amazing! But how come you look a little down?” He asked, noticing that you didn’t seem as excited as you were earlier when you were talking to Mina.

“Well, it’s just that I always thought I’d be there with Mina during her pregnancy. To go with her to her doctor’s appointments, to help her set up the nursery, go shopping for baby clothes… and I’m going to miss out on a lot of that.” You explained, sniffling away the tears that threatened to come out again.

Jaehyun came over to your side and wrapped his arms around you in a comforting hug, rubbing slow circles on your back.

“I understand that you are upset. But the project will be over before she’s due. You’ll be able to see her then.” He said with a soft smile, hoping his words will cheer you up.

“You’re right babe.” You replied, feeling a little better about the whole situation.

Later that night as you lay in bed, you were feeling anxious again. This time it wasn’t about Mina’s pregnancy, but about the end of this year long project. Once it was over, you were going to go back to Seoul. You couldn’t move to the states and you didn’t even know what was going to happen to Jaehyun once the project was over. Your guess is that he is staying in New York because he was already stationed here before the project started. You did not want to think about what would happen to your relationship, but it was hard to ignore the reality of it all. Jaehyun truly was the best guy you have ever been with and you did not want that to end. You didn’t even know what Jaehyun was going to want to do; maybe long distance is not something he is into. You tossed and turned that night with a heavy feeling in your chest and a cold empty spot next to you in bed.

“Damn noona, you okay?” Mark asked as you walked into your office, he handed you a coffee cup and you sat down and powered on your computer.

“I feel like hell.” You said, sipping your coffee and closing your eyes contentedly.

“No offense noona but you look like hell too.” He giggled at your glare and sat down on the chair in front of you.

“Thanks. Glad to know the ten minutes I spent this morning trying to look decent was a complete waste of time.” You said sarcastically.

“I’m just messing with you. By the way, the meeting is in fifteen minutes.” He reminded you, making you groan out in misery. You did not feel like going to this meeting. You just wanted to be holed up in your office and not interact with anyone. Well, maybe just interact with one person.

“Okay, I’ll be there shortly. Do you have the revised briefing packets?” You asked, mentally preparing yourself for your day.

“Yes! I made all the copies and they’re ready to go.” He informs, standing up to leave your office.

“Thanks, I’ll see you in ten.” You said, waving goodbye and focusing on your computer screen.

You brought up your calendar and email, ready to see your work load for the day. A knock caught your attention and you growled lowly before telling the person to enter.

“Hey babe, just wanted to say hello this morning.” Jaehyun said as he walked in your office.

“Oh, hi honey. I didn’t know it was you.” You said as you got up from your desk and made your way to him.

“Are you okay? You look a bit tired.” He said with concern, eyes scanning your face.

You frowned at him, giving him your best pouty face. “I couldn’t sleep last night.” You informed, draping your arms around his shoulders.

“Aww you couldn’t sleep without me there?” He teased, giving your nose a peck. You didn’t say anything, you just lay your head on his shoulder and hug him silently. This made Jaehyun a little worried since you weren’t normally like this.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? Wanna talk about it?” He whispered, hugging you tighter to him.

You hummed against his shoulder and turned your face to place a small kiss on his neck. He tilted his head towards you to give you a peck on your cheek, but you moved your head at that time and connected your lips with his. He kissed you slowly and sweetly but you deepen the kiss, pulling him closer to you. Jaehyun is a bit surprised, since you usually try to not get too physical at work. However he doesn’t pull away or try to slow you down. He wraps his arms around your waist and brings you closer to him, the kiss getting deeper.

“Ahem, sorry to interrupt but the meeting is starting in five…” Johnny said from tour doorway, you and Jaehyun jumping away from each other the second Johnny cleared his throat.

“Thank you Jon.” Jaehyun said, clearing his throat a couple times.

“Welcome. Oh! And just a tip, close the door next time.” He rolled his eyes and he walked towards the conference room.

“Okay, well after that humiliating bit, we should get going to the conference room.” He said, gently wiping your lips with his thumb.

“At least it was him and not one of the receptionists.” You said with a shudder, making Jaehyun laugh as he grabbed your hand and dragged you over to the conference room.

Everyone got settled into their assigned seats, waiting for the head project manager to arrive. Mark has already placed a copy of the briefing packet in front of every seat and was happily seated in the back row, ready to take as many notes as needed.

The room quieted down when Park Jeongsu, the project manager, entered the room and took his spot at the head of the room. He is a man in his late thirties and is incredibly handsome and youthful for a man his age. He is well respected by his coworkers and he does an exceptional job as a project manager. Everyone is happy working under his wing and he is part of the reason why the project is ahead of schedule.

“Good morning everyone, thank you for being here this morning, ready to tackle today’s meeting.” He started, smiling at everyone in attendance. “I see that the marketing team has handed out their packets, so let’s start with that.” He sat down and let you take over with your proposal.

You went over the details of all the promotions the marketing team is doing to spread awareness of the new popup shop and the website. You went into detail about all the influential people your team was going to invite to make an appearance at the opening gala, as well as naming all the benefactors that will be invited as well. You sat down after your short presentation, everyone in the room murmuring in approval and excitement.

“Thank you very much, excellent job as always.” Mr. Park said, getting back up from his seat. “Now for the opening gala, there are a few details left. Miss Lee, would you please update us on the status of those details.” He said, giving Wendy the floor to speak.

“Thank you. We were finally able to find a new vendor that can provide the linens needed for the gala. They are willing to special make the linens in the colors that we need for the event, so the orders are already in for that and they should be getting delivered here within the next two weeks. The final detail we need to complete the project is choosing our musical guest appearance. We want to best represent Korea with some of its best artists and producers. We have gotten in contact with some of the artists and we are waiting for a reply from their managers or agencies.” Wendy reported expertly. She’s not the head of event planning for nothing.

“That’s wonderful news. Is it possible to know who you have in mind?” Mr. Park asked

“Yes of course. We want to have a diversity of groups and decided it would be good to have a male group, a girl group and some solo artists. For the male group we decided to reach out to GOT7, for the girl group we decided to reach out to AOA. The solo artists we have contacted are Eric Nam and Hwasa. We also thought it would be a good idea and a great promotional opportunity if we also work with up-and-coming artists. There’s actually a brilliant rookie composer who has been working with rookie artists and every song he has produced has been a complete hit. I believe it would be a great opportunity for us if we reach out to him in order to mutually benefit from each other.” Wendy explained, an excited buzz going around the room at the possibility of having these amazing musical appearances.

“Very impressive and excellent choice of artists. What is the name of this rookie producer?” Mr. Park asked, intrigued at the fact that a new producer is already making a splash in the music industry.

“He goes by the name of Loey. I can email everyone some of the songs he has produced so we can all get acquainted with his style. He is very unique in the sense that he only likes to work with rookie artists.” Wendy explained, fast fingers already sending out the mass email with Loey’s playlist.

“Perfect. Well, I am thoroughly impressed by everyone’s hard work and contribution to this project. That is all for today's meeting, thank you all for your time and have a great day.” Mr. Park concluded, bowing slightly before exiting the room. Everyone got up and left to their respective positions.

“How cool is it going to be to have those musical appearances?” Mark asked excitedly, practically vibrating as he walked next to you in the direction of your office.

“If we actually get them, it will be amazing.” You smiled, actually excited for the musical guests as well.

You entered your office and opened up your email so you could check out Loey’s playlist that Wendy sent out. The email had a link to a youtube playlist and you played it on the background as you read the rest of your emails.

“Wow, is that Loey?” Mark asked as he entered your office, coffee and notes in hand.

“Well it's the songs he produced, he’s not the one singing them.” You replied, gracefully taking the coffee and notes from Mark.

“He is good!” Mark said, really enjoying the song being played. “Good lyrics and musical progression.”��

“Mark, I'm impressed you know so much about music.” You teased.

“It’s the second thing I love the most. The first being working with you, of course.” He replied cheekily, laughing at your eye roll.

“Okay, go work Mark, since you love it so much.” You said, dismissing him with a wave of your hand.

“Anything for you noona.” He winked and left your office, closing the door behind him.

You liked the songs you heard so far from the playlist and hoped that this producer would agree to work with you guys. You closed the browser for youtube and went back to your email, getting ready to do some work.

You were barely a few sentences into replying to your first email when your office phone rang. You saw that it was Wendy and answered immediately, confused as to why she would be emailing you.

“Hey Wendy, what’s up?”

“Hey! So I have some news.” She started, excitement in her voice.

“Oh yeah? What is it?” You asked, your curiosity peaked.

“So I actually just got a call back from Loey’s team and they said he is willing to work with us!” She exclaimed excitedly, hurting your ear with the volume of her excitement.

“That’s great!” You said, truly happy for her but still confused as to what this had to do with you. “Have you told Mr. Park yet?”

“Yes, of course. I also needed to tell you though because Loey’s manager said that he is actually going to be in New York next weekend working on a project here. They said it would be a great opportunity to meet with reps of the company. And they said that Loey was very insistent on meeting the marketing director as well.” She explained, although you thought it was a bit odd.

“Why though? That seems a bit odd.” You said.

“I agree but they said he wants to be involved in how he and his artists will be promoted in the event.” She explained simply.

“Okay, well that makes sense I guess. Just email me when we are meeting him so I can make sure I clear my day.” You said, mentally going over your scheduled appointments for next week.

“Sounds great! Thanks!” Wendy said and you both hung up.

“Well okay then.” You muttered to yourself. Ignoring the weird feeling in your gut and diving back into your work.

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#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun boyfriend #park chanyeol #kpop smut #enough series #exo #nct #nct127 #chanyeol #chanyeol x you #chanyeol x reader #jaehyun and you #jaehyun x you #nct smut

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swishy-imagines · 5 years ago

Text

Dysophonia (3/3)

Of course Allister would be up- Allister, who has no bedtime and regularly checks who’s online (and sometimes knows without checking at all)

He gets a flurry of new messages, and decides (against his better judgement) to open the chat up again:

[(11:58 pm)

🌊: any1 awake

bsides al hes always here

🐲RH_HL: me

allister: :(

Melony: Allister you really should go to bed!! 🛏⏰💤 You need your rest so you can grow up big and strong!!

🌊: mel has that ever worked

🐲RH_HL: lol

allister: hi piers

🐲RH_HL: what

oh snap

hey piers!!!!

🌊: heyy

Melony: Good evening piers! ☺️👋🏻

🌊: good 2 see u

🐲RH_HL: @championtime get in here mate I know you’re up

allister: <gif of a banette waving>

sorry that took a while to find]

He watches it scroll for a while, wondering if he’s actually delirious.

[championtime: Whaaaaaaaat

🐲RH_HL: piers is here

championtime: Seriously?

Oh wow you’re right

Brb buying a lottery ticket

Melony: That is not nice Leon 😡

🌊: lol

🐲RH_HL: lolol

Melony: 😡

🌊: leon respond 2 my email already

championtime: Anyway what’s up Piers

Ok listen I was GOING to

But then SOMEONE pinged me

🐲RH_HL: excuse me i am not the reason you’ve been putting off checking your email for three days

championtime: Why are you even awake right now Nessa

🌊: waiting 4 ur email

allister: mr Leon is very busy

🐲RH_HL: oh not you too

Leon you’ve corrupted the child

Melony: leave Allister alone 😡

How have you been Piers 😊😊]

He doesn’t know whether or not to respond. It’s really late, he ought to be trying to sleep. And... let’s be real, they probably don’t care. Still, they did ask...

He waits, one hand over the phone keyboard. When there’s no further messages:

[pierzzz: awful, if you really want to know

🌊: ?

championtime: ??/?

Melony: Oh no 😱😢

🐲RH_HL: oh hey no wait what’s up

Allister: :(

pierzzz: voice is gone

🌊: yyyyikes

pierzzz: also probably I am dying

allister: oh no

Melony: Piers you should not say things like that 😱 there are children present 😡

allister: it’s okay i know he’s joking

Melony: I meant Leon

championtime: HEY

🌊: lololol

🐲RH_HL: seriously though are you ok

pierzzz: will be eventually

championtime: Losing your voice must be a big deal

pierzzz: oh it is

would be livid if I wasn’t so bloody tired

🐲RH_HL: just ur throat? or are you like

pierzzz: caught a cold or something

barely made it through the show tonight

even looking at the screen is making my head hurt like hell

🌊: turn ur brightness down genius

pierzzz: it’s on minimum smartass

🐲RH_HL: why did you even do the concert

pierzzz: came on too fast

was fine this morning now I’m just

☠️

championtime: That sounds more like the flu mate

🐲RH_HL: yeah

pierzzz: oh fantastic

Melony: Oh no!! 😢

Are you going to be ok?

pierzzz: ill be fine

just gotta sleep it off

championtime: You sure?

🌊: was that a pun

🐲RH_HL: can and will corvicab over there if you are actually dying

pierzzz: what no what

championtime: No to who

pierzzz: all of you cut it out

wait

championtime: HA

pierzzz: nO NOT YOU

allister: :(

🐲RH_HL: got it be right there

pierzzz: STOP

Melony: Raihan, calm down. It’s past midnight, taking a taxi at this hour is a little unreasonable.

pierzzz: THANK you melony

Melony: You can pay him a visit tomorrow morning. 😊

pierzzz: i have never been so betrayed in my life

🌊: lolololol]

Piers briefly considers throwing the phone against the wall.

[🐲RH_HL: in all seriousness though mate my schedule is clear tomorrow

pierzzz: don’t waste your day off on me

you’re not allowed

🐲RH_HL: says who?

pierzzz: says me

🐲RH_HL: why

pierzzz: what

what kind of dumb question is that

🐲RH_HL: Give me one good reason I shouldn’t

pierzzz: w

🌊: raihans using caps what timeline r we in

championtime: And punctuation

It’s like I don’t even know him anymore

pierzzz: i don’t ws’

🌊: typo

pierzzz: i dont want to be a bother

gone from this chat for months then the first thing i do when i show up again is complain

allister: is that why you waited so long to speak

championtime: I bet it is

pierzzz: i don’t ever speak here i don’t know why i’m even in the chat still

i don’t come to any of the league functions i’ve only ever met a couple of you in person once

i’m an awful gym leader

i don’t deserve your attention

🌊: wow

suddenly feels like im sitting in on smth super personal

🐲RH_HL: piers

pierzzz: i’m sorry

that was too much ill

i should go

championtime: No don’t

allister: <gif of a sad shuppet>

Melony: Oh, dear...

🐲RH_HL: stop

piers stop it

right now

pierzzz: what

🐲RH_HL: stop talking about yourself like that

pierzzz: everything i said was true

🐲RH_HL: those last two parts definitely were not

pierzzz: raihan

🐲RH_HL: listen

we’re still friends right?

i know i’ve said some bad things to you in the past

stuff i regret

and i know we don’t see each other much anymore

🌊: do i hear secret backstory

🐲RH_HL: but like

Melony: Nessa, shush.

allister: yeah if you point it out he might stop

championtime: Guys, cmon

🐲RH_HL: i still care about you???

if you’re in a bad spot and there’s something I can do

I wanna help you out however I can

pierzzz:

championtime: I’m shocked you’re talking this much

Usually with me you’d just pretend to drop it and then show up anyways

🐲RH_HL: Leon shut up

championtime: :P

🌊: sounds like him

allister: one time he showed up at my gym in the middle of the night without even asking

🐲RH_HL: I’m ignoring all of you

especially you Allister I genuinely don’t know what you’re going on about and that’s not a can of wormadams I want to open right now

Melony: Oh, dear.

🌊: yikes wtf

🐲RH_HL: Piers

Are you sure I can’t come over tomorrow?]

...

...Piers gives up.

[pierzzz: if you really want to

i won’t stop you

🌊: dawwwwwww

Melony: Awwww!

pierzzz: shut up all of you before I take it all back

🐲RH_HL: nessa if you ruin this im making it rain in hulbury for two weeks straight

🌊: HEY

it was Mel too

championtime: I’m glad to see you two getting along

Wish I could join you but I’m swamped

🌊: hey yea that reminds me check ur email

championtime: 3dsjkvdcjosko

pierzzz: god no

full offense I think being in the same room as both of you at once would actually kill me

allister: mr kabu says that sometimes

championtime: Does he now?..

Melony: 😅

🐲RH_HL: ill pull up a picture of leon on my phone

he’ll contribute exactly as much as the real one would have

pierzzz: sounds about right

championtime: HEY

🐲RH_HL: u know im right mate

🌊: leon ur email

pierzzz: he’s right

🌊: leon ur email

🐲RH_HL: leon ur email

championtime: stop

🐲RH_HL: leon ur email

🌊: leon ur email

pierzzz: leon ur email

championtime: TRAITOR

🌊: lolololololololol

Melony: It’s getting late, and I’m not one for Bother Leon Hour. I’m going to go to sleep now. Good night, everyone! 🛌💤

pierzzz: me 2

🌊: nooooooooo

stay up and help me spam Leon

pierzzz: would love to but

again

dying

🌊: boo

🐲RH_HL: let him sleep nessa

allister: i can help

championtime: .

I can’t get mad at you in front of melony

🐲RH_HL: Mel left

championtime: you tiny judas

🌊: leon ur email

allister: mr leon ur email

🌊: you’ve got the spirit at least

pierzzz: bye

🐲RH_HL: See u

pierzzz: yeah ok]

He turned his phone off, and stared at it for a few seconds after the screen went black.

If he didn’t know better, he’d say his headache went away a bit.

Hm.

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yaminerua · 4 years ago

Text

pretty sure at this point it’s my digestive system that’s fucked but what exactly it is that’s messing it up I have no honest to god clue

it’s almost a year I’ve been dealing with this constant pain now, with random intermittent periods where it was less noticeable and allowed me to just do things and even very brief days where it didn’t seem to be there at all and I cannot for the life of me figure out why it was less on those days because it doesn’t SEEM to be specific foods.

I would have the same foods one day and be ok and the same foods another day and have the pain and not want to have to move much.

It’s ok in the mornings it seems. Like I wake up and I’m ok and then I eat and it almost immediately starts up but it’s not the upper stomach? Like it doesn’t feel like it’s reacting to something I’m immediately eating. It’s like.. further along and lower down which was why I thought it was my bladder at first but it doesn’t seem to be. And it doesn’t seem to be the other organs around there either cos those got checked in a scan when they were testing me for a previous pain lmfao

Anyways it’s a pain for the rest of the day until later at night for whatever random reason and then it’ll settle a bit. I have no trouble sleeping since it’s usually ‘gone’ by then.

But that pisses me off because it’s like. I still can’t identify what’s making it happen. Because again. Sometimes it’s not as bad and other times it’s awful even if I eat the exact same thing. Trying to cut things out or identify a specific trigger for it doesn’t seem to work because it just. It just seems completely random.

For whatever reason it has plagued me for almost a whole year from about March or April last year. With only a period of half of October where it randomly let up a bit and let me have semi-functional days and then just decided to come back full swing in November.

I’ve spent a chunk of last year trying to explain things to my doctor to try to figure out what the hell it is. Trying to find patterns, describing the feeling and where and when it happens and trying all the shit they give me. They thought it was IBS because I didn’t have other symptoms that would suggest other things, but none of the medications for IBS worked and even IBS symptoms didn’t seem that relatable either. I can’t even find a description for my exact experience online because it seems so specific.

It’s like.... before this, I spent the whole of 2019 with a pain in my left side that seemed to just. Not want to go away no matter what. And then February last year I was like ‘fuck it maybe I just need fibre’ so I gradually increased fibre and.... side pain vanished. And for almost a month I was feeling finally back to normal. Like aha! I have defeated you, mystery pain

and then bam! A new pain in a new location that was somehow worse than the previous one. And it’s been relentless ever since.

My brain loves to worst-case-scenario everything. But I have to remind myself that when they were investigating the side pain I had some scans and that showed nothing. And besides I have literally no other ‘worrying’ symptoms. Just this dumb pain

It’s significantly been impacting my ability to physically help out in the house and since my granny requires a lot of care and getting up to make sure she’s ok on her feet or needing assistance and stuff, on top of the usual washing up and cooking needs and stuff it’s just really got in the way of things that were manageable enough before.

Which has meant that while I lie down willing my pain to subside enough to let me get up and do things, my dad has had so much pressure on him and I feel awful for not being more readily able to take some of the weight off his shoulders again... Which just makes me worry about him being overworked and my brain reeeeeally likes going down catastrophe thought paths like a choose your own adventure of worst case scenarios until you end up with ‘he’s gonna die, I can’t make money, I don’t know how to function as an independent adult and I’ll lose the house and end up dead in the street’

so that’s fun

It’ll be a whole year of fighting this pain soon... a whole year of getting nowhere with it and having no idea still what to do about it and I’m just.....

praying that it’ll magically vanish on its own like the side pain did.... even tho im almost certain it was my active decision to take more fibre that made that go away. and I’m worried if i drop that then the side pain might return. And sometimes I wonder if changing my diet, even tho I did it gradually, somehow brought about this different pain instead. So it’s like. Do I just have to accept having one mystery pain no matter what?

Anyway.... it’s really slowed me down a lot over the last year and I’m hoping it’ll eventually be resolved. But in the mean time it means that sometimes I take longer to get new content made because sitting to draw is too much sometimes

So I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens with this... See if there are any other things I can try.

If this ends up being something like ‘lol you’re just really stressed and it’ll get better when you’re not stressed anymore’ i might as well just give up because

lol

life isn’t stopping the stress flow any time soon

would be nice if my dad’s 10 year long attempt to make some money in his business would finally pay off and help us not feel like we’re one bad day away from losing everything but hey ho the last time I lived without constant scary tension I wasn’t even double digits in age yet so I don’t even know if I’ll know HOW to relax even if things change for the better

anyway sorry for the rant

im just so tired

#nerua rants #lots of negative stuff and complaining about body pains #im so very fed up with my body being a mystery nuisance #it was easier when it was just my stupid joints giving me trouble

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eloarei · 5 years ago

Text

tl;dr and TW: I had a miscarriage (and an ER visit)

So, I haven’t been on tumblr for a while. Let’s see how long. ...Three and a half months. Basically, I haven’t been on since a little before I found out I was pregnant. See, my birthday was January 28th. My last period had started on New Year’s Day, so I was slated to start again on my birthday, and I just kept thinking, “gosh, I would really like to not be on my period on my birthday!” Well, I got my wish. A few days came and went, and I thought, “okay, I’m pregnant.” This wasn’t an overreaction; I’d never been more than 3 days late in the past few years, and I just... felt it. I took the test, and lo and behold, it was positive. A ‘dye-stealer’, even. (A strong positive, where the positive line ‘steals’ all the dye from the control line.) (I’ve spent a lot of time on pregnancy forums; I’m familiar with a whole new world now.) I was happy. Mostly excited, mostly not scared. My husband was the same. We’d been married for 12 years with no kids, no prior pregnancies, and I’d thought for a few years that I probably did want kids-- it just... never happened. We were too careful, until we decided not to be. (Even then, we weren’t trying. We just let things do as they would.) The next 6 weeks were interesting. It was... neat? Neat to feel all the minute changes. Every day I was so aware of my body and what was happening to it. Even though I was almost not showing at all (I could see a slight difference; nobody else would have), I felt so big, and I was exhausted, but it was kind of fun. It was fun thinking about having an October baby; maybe its birthday would end up on my husband’s, or my old bff’s. Maybe it’d be 10-15-20. I thought that would be cool. And I thought about names, about how we’d arrange the house, how we’d afford everything when we have such a habit of just squeaking by. I felt we were up for the challenge. But I read a lot of information. SO MUCH information. So I knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work out. After all, roughly 1 out of every 4 known pregnancies ends badly. And there was no reason why I should miscarry, when I was healthy, and my family didn’t have a history of common miscarriages. But I wasn’t stupid, and I’ve never been the kind of person to say, “it won’t happen to me”. I guess I was lucky that I read so much, that I knew things could go wrong, because they did. Even so, I wasn’t entirely prepared. I started bleeding around week 9, so I read an absolute ton about miscarriages. They all said it happened pretty quick-- maybe a few days of light bleeding before the ‘big event’, and that the event itself was painful-- AT LEAST like heavy period cramps. When I continued bleeding for over a week I thought “...maybe it’s not a miscarriage?” I read some more and determined it could have been a subchorionic hemorrhage-- bleeding in the uterus that is usually not fatal to the baby, often characterized by period-like bleeding: long, slow, not very painful. The whole time I was trying to find a place to get an ultrasound. I don’t/didn’t have a doctor of my own, a primary care physician or an obstetrician. I’ve never really done doctors. Figured I’d wait until about the second trimester to find one, since my readings told me a lot of doctors waited til week 10+ for the first appointment anyway. Unfortunately, all the clinics I talked to wouldn’t deal with me when I mentioned I had some bleeding-- even though it was just a little bit! Less than a period. “Go to the ER”, they said, to which I responded that I absolutely was not going to go to the ER for a non-emergency when hospitals were stuffed with coronavirus patients. Therefore, I just waited while I kept looking, hoping it would sort itself out. In a way, it eventually did. Monday morning, as I was about to go to sleep (I work nights), I had some slightly heavier bleeding. Thought it might have been another small clot. Sat on the toilet for an hour before I felt woozy and decided to lay in the tub before I passed out. Thank god for my husband, because I don’t know if I would have survived the next several hours without him. HERE’s the TMI >>>>>>> I continued bleeding for the next three hours, my husband pouring warm water on me to wash all the little clots away. After a while, I passed a huge clot, size of an egg. Ever done that science experiment where you use vinegar or something to dissolve an egg shell and you’re left with just the innards in a flexible membrane? Well it was like that, but blood. I passed out a little while after that. ....That’s when I knew things were getting weird. It was my second time passing out ever, and I hated it. I think it’s literally my least favorite thing in the world. 5 seconds that feels like an eternity and it feels like you’re going to die but you can’t explain why. Terrible. I still thought maybe we could get through this. It didn’t hurt, it was just... well, losing blood. It was within the realm of what I’d read about subchornionic hemorrhage, so I thought maybe that clot was the worst of it. HMM, I was wrong. I passed another one just like it. Then I passed out twice in quick succession, upchucked all over myself (the smell haunts me, ugh), and apparently turned rather blue. So I told him, “hey, it’s time for the ER”. Boy, that was....... a thing. He called his mom because I said I didn’t want him driving and for me to pass out again when he couldn’t help. I swaddled myself in towels and garbage bags so I wouldn’t bleed all over the damn place, all the while feeling like I might just die at any moment. When we got to the ER, they put me in a wheelchair, asked me some questions I could barely answer, and then took me back. The next 24 hours consisted of being stabbed, suctioned, and pumped with 5 liters of saline solution which left me smelling weird. I was barely conscious for the first half of it, but talking and joking whenever I could-- because apparently that’s how I deal with stress. Anyone surprised? Anyway, they quickly confirmed what I knew as soon as I passed more than one ungodly egg-clot: it was a miscarriage. They removed what was left; I didn’t look at it, but my husband said there... wasn’t really much. Nobody did any analyses, so I’m left to surmise that it wouldn’t have been more than 6 weeks (or possibly anembryonic), meaning it was just in there for 5+ weeks by then, doing nothing but accumulating blood. Insult to injury much? The biggest strangeness of the whole ordeal, the reason why I didn’t expect it was a miscarriage in the first place, was that none of it hurt. Every story I read said it hurt, but this just felt... awkward. I mean, passing out wasn’t fun. Sure as hell didn’t feel comfortable, but I never experienced any pain (except the blood draws; lord did those bruise. Ugh). The whole thing left me feeling exhausted. It took days before I could do more than toddle around the house. It’s been 2 weeks now, but I still feel a little sick when I think about those fucking clots, or the strangeness of the ER, or passing out 4+ times. I’m hoping I don’t have brain damage, geez. I certainly feel mentally slower than usual, like maybe the pregnancy-brain never went back to normal. As for what I feel emotionally... it’s... hard to say. I’m sad. Disappointed, annoyed. But mostly I was scared. And that makes me hesitant. I still want a kid. I wanted that kid. But I’ve always been very careful. We always knew the risks and wanted to wait until the right time. The problem is, now... Now I’m more intimately familiar with some of the risks, and I’m a bit afraid it’s going to make me too careful. Will I ever get another chance? Will I ever give myself another chance? I don’t know. I really just don’t. Mostly though, I am glad to be alive. And while I was more than accepting of the ugly bloated and tired feeling of pregnancy, I’m happy to take the good with the bad now. I hate what I lost, but my body is starting to feel normal again, and... well, that’s nice, I guess. Anyway... That’s partly why I haven’t been online, and what I’ve been up to since. God I hope you guys have all had nicer, less-eventful years so far. (If you wanna catch up, feel free to message me. The IM feature seems busted on my end, so maybe try sending an ask or something instead.)

#elo talks #long post #super long post #tw: miscarriage #tw: pregnancy #tw: emergency room #tw: blood loss #this is a personal post but I don't mind who interacts with it. I hope maybe it'll help someone somehow #sorry to make you read all this crap

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cuttoothed · 5 years ago

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i know im not supposed to be online rn, but i am absolutely dying so: cherry cola for jonmartin thank u i owe u one

You're not online, shhh, what are you even talking about? ;)

The softness continues.

When Jane Prentiss attacks the Archives, they almost die, and Martin kisses him. It’s...not something important. The tape is off at the time, which - when Jon considers it much later on - means that it definitely wasn’t important. Not worthy of being recorded, interrogated by the Eye.

It’s right after Martin makes fun of Jon for thinking he might be a ghost, and Jon tells Martin to shut up. Martin comes and sits beside Jon on the floor, and the silence is loud with the squirming of tiny bodies outside the door, and they are both acutely aware that these are probably the last few minutes of their lives. Jon is considering that maybe he should have been a bit more truthful, with himself and everyone else, and then Martin says:

“Jon…” in a voice that is nervous and breathless, and when Jon turns to look at him, his eyes are afraid and hopeful.

“Look,” Martin says, “If we’re going to die anyway - ”

And Martin kisses him. His lips are soft against Jon’s, and...sweet, when Jon lets his own lips part. A flavor almost like sherbet, but not quite, and Jon thinks it would be cloying, if it weren’t on Martin’s mouth. Tries to forget that he thought that, as the hammering on the wall grows louder and they break apart, ready for death to break through.

It turns out it’s only Tim, and the rest is a matter of record. Jon doesn’t think about it again.

That’s a lie, of course. He thinks about it a lot, even as he grows more and more sure that one of his archival staff is a murderer. (It’s not paranoia if someone is probably out to get you.) He is well aware that Martin kissing him does not in any way preclude him being Gertrude’s murderer.

But the point is, there are far more important things to worry about, and eventually Jon almost entirely forgets about it. Yes, it’s the first time he’s been kissed in years. And yes, it was probably the nicest thing that’s happened to him in a long time, impending worm death aside. But, well, it’s just terribly unimportant, and anyway Martin probably regrets it - if he’s ever even thought about it since, they were about to die, after all, and -

Well it’s just. Not.

He doesn’t really think about it again for a long time, aside from those occasions when he lies in bed late at night, touching fingers to his lips and remembering that soft touch, that odd, sweet taste. Barely at all, really.

When Melanie takes her turn going to the chipper you never know what you’re going to get, because she’s terrible at remembering orders and refuses to write them down. This time she actually brings Jon what he asked for, which is a nice surprise up until he takes a mouthful from his allotted sugary soft drink and almost chokes. It tastes exactly like -

“What is this?” he sputters.

“Cola?” Melanie suggests, biting into a chicken tender. Then, squinting at it: “Cherry cola?”

“Why on earth would you - ” Jon begins before realizing the futility of the question. He stares at the offending beverage. His heart is suddenly racing. He gets to his feet.

He doesn’t knock on the door to Martin’s office, just barges straight in so Martin doesn’t have time to hide from him. Martin looks at him with startled indignation, and before he can launch into all the reasons why Jon shouldn’t be here talking to him, Jon says:

“Cherry cola.”

“I - what?” Martin says, looking bewildered. “Look, Jon, you can’t - ”

“Two years ago,” Jon continues over him, because this is important. “You kissed me in document storage because we were about to die, and I’ve...been thinking about it ever since, a bit. What it, ah, tasted like. And then today I got the wrong drink, and it was - awful, by the way, I don’t know how anyone drinks the stuff - but it was that taste. From when you kissed me. Which...wasn’t awful.”

“I didn’t kiss you because we were about to die,” Martin mutters, looking down at his hands. Then, looking up: “Wait a minute, you’ve never had cherry cola before today?”

“That’s hardly the point, Martin.”

“So what is the point then, Jon?”

“The point is - ” Jon begins, and stalls. What is the point? That two years later he still hasn’t forgotten Martin’s lips against his, firm and gentle? That he’s thought about it, far more than he should have? That until today it never occurred to him that the taste was anything other than Martin, because Martin has always been something unique to Jon, even when that fact unsettled and irritated him.

“The point is, I should have asked you,” Jon says. “I should have - we should have talked about it. Not pretended it didn’t happen. We...should have talked about a lot of things.”

“We should have,” Martin says, and he doesn’t sound bitter, only sad, and tired. “But we didn’t. And it’s a bit late now, don’t you think?”

“It doesn’t need to be.”

Jon walks carefully closer, around the desk. Martin is staring down at his hands again. He takes in a long breath that shudders a little. Jon can’t see his eyes.

“Two years, Jon. Why are you bringing this up now? Because you’re lonely?”

“No,” Jon tells him firmly. “That’s not why. I’m just - sick of ignoring things and hoping I don’t have to face them. I’m sick of - of pretending I’m okay without you. And I need you to know. If you’re staying away from me because you don’t want to be around me, that’s fine, I respect that. But if you’re doing it for my good, in some way, then...it’s not working, Martin.”

Martin looks up at him, and his eyes are red rimmed. He looks like someone who’s resolved to do something they don’t want to, and is now trying very hard to hang onto that decision.

“I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“You can’t,” Jon says, and he hears the wobble in his own voice. “I don’t know if that’s something Lukas told you, but you can’t. None of us are safe. None of us will be. But I don’t want to miss you as well. I don’t want to - to not think about things anymore.”

The silence stretches between them for long moments, taut and breathless. Martin huffs a quiet laugh, and says:

“Lip balm.”

“What?”

“The - cherry cola flavor. It was lip balm that I got free at some soft drink promotion. I don’t think I used it more than a couple of times.”

“Right,” says Jon. “It was - nice.”

“Even though you think cherry cola is awful.”

“Even though,” Jon agrees. “Because it was you.”

“Jon...” Martin says shakily, and then he is pushing up out of his seat while Jon is bending down, and they end up poised awkwardly in the middle, braced against the desk. Their mouths meet, hesitant and careful, and Martin doesn’t taste of artificial sweetness, only of Martin, his lips a little dry and chapped, his hands cupping Jon’s face gently. Jon leans into it with everything he has, and god, he can’t believe he let himself miss out on this for two years.

“So, what do we do now?” Martin asks when they part. “I can’t just walk away from what I’ve been doing. It’s - important. Save the world important.”

“Can you...tell me about it? Maybe I can help?”

“I - yes, okay,” Martin says, his lips pursed. “But you have to promise, Jon. You’ll listen. And not just assume you’re right and I’m wrong.”

“I don’t - ” Jon begins and then nods. “Right, you’re right. I do that. I’ll try not to, I promise. I just...want to help. So you don’t have to do it alone.”

“Okay,” Martin says, and takes in a deep breath. “Okay. It...started while you were dead.”

#the magnus archives #tma #my fic #ficbits #jonmartin #writing prompts

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