#might be a fun thing to do on the plane to seattle

[cookinguptales]

*pacing*

Okay, so let's start with the assumption that the cookie is a red herring. I do not believe for a second that they weren't making a cheeky little wink at the audience when they had them talk about literal red herring while talking about that review.

I'm not saying that I think Donna didn't poison him, I do. But the cookie isn't what killed him, and they're all just assuming that both attempts were made by the same person.

I think we're really down to Cliff and Tobert.

Tobert is just... god, he's so suspicious. lmao. It almost feels heavy-handed if it's actually him?? But I wouldn't put it past them, either. All that stuff about how murderers try to join investigations, the breaking and entering, him giving Mabel all that technology (which might give him access to her investigation), him always showing up right at important moments, his fight with Ben right before the show... It could still definitely be Tobert.

But... Cliff is still a possibility, too, I think. He's still such a weird little wild card, honestly. Who knows what that Oedipal man might do if he finds out what his mom did? Or if he finds out about the reviews himself? And we still don't have a super clear picture of his relationship with Ben. We've seen Ben snapping at him a lot, but... hmm...

I went back and rewatched the scene where Ben comes back and Cliff doesn't seem as thrilled to see him as he probably should be, all things considered. I will say that much.

But that phone call that took Ben out of the room after his return and before the elevator shaft... I forgot about that call... Big Tobert vibes with that call, though I can't... remember if they ever followed up on that. I know Mabel asked Dickie about it, but he dodged the question, and... did it ever come up again...? (Help me tumblr juan whoever the fuck you are, you're my only ho.) But it was a person who wasn't in the room who Dickie recognized, and it was a name that made Ben's smile fall right off his face. We know that Ben fired him before the show and he said that Dickie "ended his contract" after Ben's death, but...

I just can't think of anyone else who'd call and make them both look so serious, y'know? Like maybe he had compromising footage or something...? idk.

[paper-mario-wiki]

hey, can I ask you for some advice? sorry if this is uncalled for or you just can't answer this, I understand if so

how did you work up the courage to actually get to HRT so fast? I've found out I was a trans woman around when I was 15 and im about to have my 23rd birthday, and due to my financial/working/academic/housing (I live w my fairly conservative parents) situation it does not look like it's in the cards for me any time soon. but also I feel like I should just try to find a way and try to start out ASAP, for the sake of my own happiness. but also im afraid of whatll happen if things go Topsy turvy and I need housing from a family that thinks I'm a freak. how did you do it? again, apologies if this ask feels unwarranted or to big to ask to "Funny lady play tf2 dot blog", but I'm fine if this doesn't see an answer

First of all, I don't have insurance, so keep in mind that I did it out of pocket (note: I am broke).

I used Zocdoc (America only, sorry) to find a hormone therapy consultation, went to that appointment, and they referred me to an endocrinologist. After I got some blood tests done, I got prescribed a 30 day supply of sublingual Estradiol for about $16, again, without insurance. Now, this is of course in Biden's Seattle so it might not be as easy where you are. But at least for me, the process from booking the first appointment, all the way to taking the first pill was about half a month, because I got lucky finding a doctor. During covid, according to my endocrinologist, there was a HUGE explosion of people wanting to medically transition, so a very common thing I've heard is that a lot of doctors are booked out for months. I was lucky enough to get this appointment on Sep 1st, because the next person available in my area wouldnt have gotten me in until November.

Critically, here's my main piece of advice: You can't start until you take the first real action towards accomplishing it outside of your head. You can think, and plan, and crystalize how great it would be if it happened, but you have to actually make the first step and google "HRT doctors in my area", and schedule an appointment. To do it, you must first do it. This goes for many things in life. Simply starting the processes instead of keeping them in my head had me accomplishing many things I never thought I actually would, like starting HRT, going to university in Japan, and moving to Seattle.

Many people like me, including maybe you, are really good at getting in your own head and thinking of every possible way something could go wrong, or could be denied to you. And you get so tied up in the reasoning that you forget about the Doing. To the best of your ability, try to stop thinking, and just start doing. Anything. Choose to do something that you have wanted to for a while. Just one thing. Doesn't have to be buying a plane ticket to France, or confessing a huge secret, maybe start with that thought you had the other day of "ya know I bet pottery on those big goofy wheels is fun" and google 'pottery wheels near me' and see where it takes you. It's easier than you'd think to try. And who knows, at the end of this process maybe you'll have a beautiful vase. Or, even better, a vase with a personality, flaws, and a new hobby that you're excited to get better at.

[mp0625]

Pfirsich

Taglist. Masterlist.

Philipp Grubauer x Reader

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: This is for @wyattjohnston ‘s summer fic exchange 2k24!!!! This was so fun to write!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!! This fic was written for @rossmccallsqueen I had so much fun writing it for you!!!! I love how it turned out!!! Hope you love it!!! Sorry it took a few days to get up I had some technical difficulties.

When Phillipp and his ex girlfriend split, he never thought that he would meet someone at the little Grocery store near his house in Seattle getting snacks for his trip back home to Germany for the off season. But when you came up next to him in the international aisle looking for the Haribo peach rings that you could only get in Germany. “Have you seen the peach rings anywhere?” You casually ask scanning the shelves looking for them. “I bought some in Germany last month when I was there, and I ran out of my last bag a week ago. And I’ve been searching every grocery store I can find with an international aisle, and I can’t find them anywhere.”

“Are they the one with the light pink and orange bag and the German label?” He asks, looking over at you for the first time.

“Yes!” You stop scanning the shelf to see if they have them, to look over at him with wonder and excitement. “Have you seen them?”

“Yes.” He says with a goofy grin. “Back home in Germany.”

You look over to him with a deadpan look. “Not helpful.” And going to start to walk away to get the other things on your list.

“It might be!” He calls, jogging up next to you. “I’m leaving to go back home to Germany tomorrow and I can bring you some back.”

“You would do that for a complete stranger?” Looking over at him in disbelief.

“You seem pretty nice.”

“How long are you going to be gone?”

“Two weeks.” He said with a smile.

“I don’t know about that.” Unsure of what you are doing, taking a strange but handsome man’s offer of bringing you home candy. All of your childhood’s stranger danger classes rushing through your head.

“You don’t have to give me an answer now, but here’s my number text me if you want, and to make sure I’m not a serial killer that is going to poison your candy.” He said with a small laugh and handed you a small folded piece of paper.

————————————————————————

As you sit in your small office thinking about the guy you met at the store last night. The piece of paper burning a hole in your pocket, you decide what the hell and text him. “Hey, it's the candy girl.” “No no no.” You mutter to yourself and delete it and start again. “Hey, it’s the lady from the store. I decided to take you up on the offer for candy. If it’s possible to get 6 bags that would be lovely. Thank you!” Once you sent the text, you figure so you don’t obsess over every word you said and whether it was a mistake or not to send it in the first place. You shut your phone off and shove it back into your bag. And try to get back to work, but the only thing on your mind was the German Gentlemen bringing you home candy.

As Phillipp’s Plane lands in Munich, he takes his phone off airplane mode and sees the sea of standard chatter from the Kraken’s off season group chat, where people are at, food, and if anyone has proposed. But when he gets to the end of the notifications he sees one from an unknown number. When he sees the preview of the text. “Hey, it’s the lady from the store. I decided to take..” He knew exactly who it was and pulled up the message immediately, not caring about the nine hour time difference. “Hey, sorry just saw your message. Was flying to Germany. I would love to pick you up six bags! Is there anything else you want or need?” He sent and started his walk to baggage claim. As he was grabbing his bags he got his response earlier than he was expecting considering the early time it was out there.

“Yay! Thank you. We can work out a time and date, closer to time. I can’t think of anything else I need. If I think of anything I’ll let you know. Hope you had a good flight!”

————————————————————————

Later in the morning, as you sit at your desk between meetings you decide to text the man you now know as Phillipp but he said to call him Grubi. “I know it’s late there.” You start having downloaded a world clock to know the time in Germany. “But can you tell me a little about yourself?” You set your phone back down on your desk to start some paperwork not expecting a text back as it was getting later in Germany you were pleasantly surprised when you saw his name pop up.

“Sure! I’m 32, born and raised in Rosenheim, Germany. I grew up playing hockey. I play goaltender. I came over in 08’ to play for a minor league team at 18 and I went back and forth between Canada and Germany for a few years before I got drafted in 2010 by the Washington Capitals. I played there until 2017-2018 when I moved to Colorado. I played there for three seasons then I moved to Seattle. I have horses. And one of my nicknames is The German Gentlemen.”

“Whoa! I’m definitely not as cool as you! I’m 28, born and raised right here in beautiful Seattle, Washington. I went to the University of Washington for Marketing and I work for Starbucks doing most of the marketing for the new drinks. I have two cats and a dog. That’s so cool that you have horses, I grew up riding.”

“No you definitely are super cool! What is it like getting a Marketing degree?”

“It was interesting! We did lots of public relations classes and I did two different photography classes.”

As the two weeks pass the two of you start from talking once a day to every free second of every day. The two of you talk about everything from the names of your pets to childhood stories. Getting closer and closer.

————————————————————————

The day that his flight back to the US finally came, you were nervous but excited to see the man that you had grown close to over the past two weeks. The flight that was a middle of the day flight for Germany was a red eye back to Seattle and would get back to Seattle at 8 in the morning. Before he left Germany and before you went to bed you texted one last time.

“Hey, have a good flight! I’ll talk to you and see you in the morning. I can’t wait to see you! Sending hugs!”

“See you soon.” He hit send just before turning on his airplane mode. As his plane took off and made its way back to the US and you. He slowly got more and more excited to see you.

After a long and boring 11 hour flight, the plane touches down and he finally got to turn off his airplane mode. When he gets to turn his phone on he gets to see a message from you saying. “Good morning! Hope you have a great flight! Can’t wait to see you in a few hours.”

Once he gets through baggage claim and down to the parking garage and finally finds his car. He plugs the address of the coffee shop that y’all are meeting at and the GPS said it’s only twenty minutes away, and he has a hour before you were supposed to meet so he decided to run home to take a shower to get the grime of a travel day off and be nice and clean when you see him.

After his shower and everything he hits the road to the coffee shop. He hit bad traffic due to a wreck and was stuck in stop start traffic for 15 minutes past the time you had set up to meet. After sitting in traffic for the first five minutes. He called you to let you know what was happening. “Hey, I’m going to be a little late. I’m stuck in heavy traffic and I don’t know when it will end.” After an additional 10 minutes of sitting he finally made it to the coffee shop.

You meet each other at the doorway with a hug. “Good to see you! I missed you.” You whisper into his chest.

“It’s good to see you too. I missed you too. I have something here for you.”

“My peach rings!” You exclaim with a cheer.

“Here you go.” Passing a large shopping bag to you.

Peeking into the abnormally heavy shopping bag.“I asked for 6 bags of peach rings, not 60.” You said with a laugh.

“Oops”

Taglist: @studioreader @honethatty12

@slafgoalskybaby @swissboyhisch

@wondershells @cixrosie

[disregardcanon]

thinking about a npmd characters yellowjackets au and oh boy it's fun

okay so the premise is, the hatchetfield high school nighthawk football team is going to nationals. i'm pretty sure that doesn't exist for american high school football but we're suspending disbelief.

solomon lauter is trying to build up goodwill with the community for this election cycle, so not only does he charter a private plane for the football team, he makes his daughter go with. HE doesn't have time to go to seattle and it's not like most people will see him there anyway, but if he puts his daughter on the plane with them and says oh look my daughter is so kind and supportive! she's taking time away from HER own schoolwork and HER own life to support our fighting nighthawks! what a kind and involved citizen she is!

and then of course he pressures her teachers to just. let her off the hook for activities in classes that week. because she's such a kiiinnnddd person who's supporting the football team.

richie, of course, is essential for an excursion such as this. he's zeke the fighting nighthawk! he's on that plane. ruth has some overlap with misty quigley that i find interesting, so we're making her the equipment manager. this is half to get her on the plane and half because i think she'd use that as an excuse to be a pervert. like oooohhh i'm so sorry! i didn't think there would be boys CHANGING in here right now! myyyy mistake.

max and the football team and brenda and the cheer squad are all there. now however do we get our dearest spankoffski on that plane? (ruth says that she needs help with equipment management duties and pete's already the salutorian of the class... so she's able to sell him just missing this second to last week of school alright to the teachers. he doesn't really WANT to, but steph, who he's been bonding with since she got him to help her cheat and then actually helped her study... asks him to. because she says she's going to be bored out of her mind without someone to hang out with... and he's only HUMAN, okay?)

now how do we get grace temperance chastity on a plane full of horny teenagers for an activity that she doesn't do? why making her the president of the FCA (fellowship of christian athletes) of course! she is the self-assigned chaperone of such an important and potentially very horny and drug-ridden activity in such a den of sin (seattle). SHE is the only thing standing between the students of hatchetfield high and total anarchy. as valedictorian (peter, if you just applied yourself and maybe went to chuuurrrcchhh you might have beaten me! grace will you just shut up-) she is not worried about her grades in this penultimate week of school. oh BOY was she wrong.

they of course crash in the canadian rockies. the coaches die, and we're left with absolute fucking anarchy. everyone save our favorite quintet listen to max for awhile as he dictates the ways that heeee, max jagerman, think things should be run. it's bad! it doesn't work! they're gonna fucking die!!!!!!!

jagerman is more worried about how to keep his power and where steph keeps disappearing to than figuring out how to stay alive in case of... not getting rescued.

ruth has GAD and is just freaking the fuck out in the corner, richie is doing the same, and pete is trying to figure out. how the fuck to survive in case of no rescue coming. steph's on team I Think We Should Prepare, Jesus Christ! and grace enjoys survival situations so she's over here. she also thinks that the act of god might be that they're stuck out here and have to build a new jerusalem (tehehe)

the combined powers of steph's charisma and kindness, pete's problem-solving, and grace's intensity and sureness in herself, they convince the rest of the group that they found a safer spot... a lake, where they might find water and food and not die here by the plane while waiting for a rescue that might not come.

the rest of the group listens, showing the first crack in max jagerman's power, and he has a very ugly blowup but eventually follows.

he IS going to die out there. he IS going to be the first to die out there. and they are going to eat him :) but it's also max jagerman who's in the narrative role of jackie. so he's gonna haunt this fucking narrative! OHHHHH YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH

other tidbits: max deciding to for real pursue grace is mainly about trying to break her power base because he's pissed she's the one everyone's listening to now, but he also... does think that's hot. :3

grace IS going full girl-prophet. lottie tempered her girl-prophet ways in season 2 because she realized that things were going wrong... grace thinks she's god's anointed so she is not going to do that. not at all.

stephanie HAS got a gun. a hunting she will go. a hunting she will take pete. (we're out here starving in the woods and you think that pete and i shouldn't... sleep together? with fucking CONDOMS!?!?! what is your prOBLEM? he's a loser and you're COOL! we're not in fucking high school, max! grow! up!) they're getting some of that Narrative Conflict With The Superstitions that defines natalie's character.

ruth WOULD find the porno mags she WOULD show everyone and when grace tries to confiscate them for Jesus Reasons ruth would find one to squirrel away just for herself. i am also assigning ruth butcher because i think she could handle the guts, and also.. i'm sorry the idea of ruth throwing girls' nights with jagerman's corpse in the freezing cold meat shed just works in my brain.

i'm gonna give richie van's How Do We Make Sense of All These Times I Almost Died and this ABSOLUTE Bullshit!??!! plot line, along with assigning him group morale and Person Who Tells the Stories.

when it gets to the card pull grace WILL be rigging it to get rid of "dirty dudes". jason gets got first. and grace keeps giving lautski and ruth cryptic warnings about cleaning up their sexual act or else and they're just like hahaha i'm in danger...

somehow grace thinks that this is all compatible with her christianity! i love her <3

[scarlettoceaneyes]

My light- Embry call fanfic

Chapter 2- Emily

"Promise to text everyday and come home right?" Emmett insisted on being the one to deliver me to the airport. The closest flight is Anchorage to Seattle with a long car ride on their side of that. I rolled my eyes and responded, "No I don't promise that. I let you drive me here when anyone else could've and it would've been more enjoyable that your whining." Suddenly the air turned thick as we pulled into the airport for my flight. Emmett would follow me all the way to the reservation if he could. I knew he was trying not to say the wrong thing because it would be three months until I see him. I can easily ignore it messages that long. "Listen Em, it's not that I'm just an overprotective super older brother. It's that I know you won't be coming back." I whipped my head in his direction as he held up his hand for me to let him finish. "But I know it's going to be okay. Embry and you will be extremely happy. Besides you know the deal, if you permanently stay after 18 I can too. Just can't walk around the rez, but we won't likely move to Forks either or anywhere close. I just don't ever want to let you go. If he ever touches, hurts, or even looks at you the wrong way I'll tear him to pieces and you know I can. It's just-" I cut him off, "Emmett I know all this and you are hiding something  and-" "Just be careful okay? If those boys start acting strange or something call me I'll be there immediately forget the deal we had with Black. I'm can't lose you. I would love to make you immortal and keep my sister forever so we can party all the time and all. I couldn't do that to you though, unless you honestly wanted it. Rose might have to veto it after a while anyways. I think I would have to let Carlisle or Jasper get you through the pain though if you turned. Come back to us ok? Even if you stay human, don't forget us?"

I was in tears by the time he finished seeing how serious he was. He wouldn't see me again until I was 18 and then I could decide to stay in either La Push or Forks permanently. I didn't want to make that choice, nor did I agree that I should have to because I will be 18 and that deal would be over. "Emmett- you're my favorite. I'll always come back." I was trying to lighten the mood.  He still had a serious look on his face that I've only ever seen if something bad was coming. "You're like a puppy that you don't want to see grow up, but you are excited for all the time you get to spend with them. Eventually you know they die and you have to watch it all because you live longer." Okay sentimental moment over, "Did you just compare me to a dog?" His wicked smile came back "How ironic" I was confused by that but I usually am with Emmett. "We done now?" I was seriously going to miss my plane. That would only give him more fuel to the fire that I should stay. The moment didn't go unnoticed, and really the impatient fake annoyance was hiding the pain knowing I have to make the choices he is hinting at soon.

"Emmett, I love you all. I don't want to choose. Don't make me, please? You would truly love Embry and you knew one day I would probably get married, have kids, get old right? Or maybe not, ask Alice." However, that was all in vain. He would actually be crying if he could. My older brother turned to me and gave a bone crushing hug. "Forever would be a better choice because then I could have all the fun I wanted." Again I'm not a toy but I decided not to make that fight or distinction tonight. "But thank you for letting us be your family while we were privileged too!" "Emmett seriously I'm not going anywhere! Why are you acting like this? You are scaring me! Did Alice see something?! I'm not going if I'm going to die and then I-" "Emily geez shut up I meant Embry and you dude. I know one day you will live a life that I won't be able to follow a 100% because of ya know being a vampire and all. Secrets to keep, images to uphold. We all wanted to say those things before you turned 18. I also know things about the world you don't and I want to protect you forever."

My alarm went off right as he finished his proclamation of our family bond. I really was going to miss this flight now. Boarding is soon and Emmett looks like he has a million more words to say. My heart softened at his eyes. Last time I saw them is when I accidentally almost downed-by Emmett but that's beside the point. He was scared of losing me   This wasn't just leverage to get me to stay. "Where ever I go, I'll come back either in person for a while, a day, or a moment in my heart ok? All calls will be returned and text answered. Maybe later than you seem acceptable as you'll be kind to remember I sleep. Hopefully will be distracted making out with Embry too ya know (I added that in to purposely kill the mood so the flight doesn't leave without me)." "And with that get out. But hugs first" I bid him a final teary goodbye. Whatever his issue is set a bad taste in my heart and spiked my anxiety. Where was Jaz when I needed him??

I made it just in time to board. I honestly never cared about where to sit unless I get the chance for a window. The way Emmett was acting was as if he knew something bad was going to happen that made me not come back. Or maybe he meant Embry and I clicking for real for a chance at the future? I try not be too much of a hopeless romantic but Embry and I have that one in common. The make out comment was just a joke. He wasn't joking today, and it normally was an indication of what was to come.

[spookyrobbins]

you know what would be very interesting to see, in a world where mark didn't die and calzona decided to have another baby, how possessive mark would become of sofia. if he'd try to turn sofia against her mothers. how would calzona deal with that whole mess

okay so this is one of my favorite aus to mess around with bc lbr mark would not take it well.

like for ease, let’s say this is a no plane crash au. so s8 calzona who are very comfortable and domestic and everything and fairly untraumatized. and mark who’s still very much around and everything but things just never work with lexie and he has julia but most of his life is very much reliant on calzona (and sofia living across the hall)

now sofia turns 1 around the end of s8 and i personally think neither of calzona but especially arizona would want sofia to be an only child. and callie especially wouldn’t want there to be a huge gap between the kids bc she had that with her sister and they weren’t close. and given that they’d go an ivf route (based on s9), that can take time so i think end of s8 into s9 would be when they’d start talking about it and planning etc.

mark would take it so badly. even just the idea of calzona having a second baby would probably set him off. bc that’s going to change things. if they have another kid, they’ll be even more of a family without him. he’ll be left behind. mark would start complaining early, like as soon as he found out they were thinking about it which would probably be quickly bc callie tells him basically everything. it’d start with sort of sharp edged jokes about how they’re replacing him and sofia and why do they need another kid when they’ve already got such a perfect one.

and it’d just descend from there. mark trying to be involved again and how they’re all a family and he’s sofias dad. in a strange way, i think this would actually push callie to have some boundaries bc it’d be so glaring that he’s out of line. especially if (and it’s the most likely option at this stage) arizonas the one who’s pregnant. bc i honestly don’t think arizona would be as tolerant towards mark if she was pregnant. doubly so if mark tried to be involved at all.

the other important part to consider is the living situation. part of the reason s8 calzona and mark are able to coparent so well is that they live across the hall from each other and they can pass sofia back and forth easily and they can split everything pretty easily. but calzona are in a two bed, that’s not going to work with a baby. sort of two options - either they get a bigger apartment in their building or they get a house. sure the apartment is super close to the hospital, but neither of them really need to be rushing to the hospital to beat other people to surgeries like when callie and cristina moved in. and meredith lives in a nice residential neighborhood that’s only ten minutes away (plus good or bad, somehow everything in seattle is 15-20 minutes away). and arizona in particular i think would want a home for their family after she moved around so much.

once again, mark would not take this well. like he’d accuse of them of trying to take sofia away and pushing him out. because calzona moving out of the apartment building would probably make a more formalized, maintained schedule for sofia necessary and it could very well happen where calzona maybe have sofia more days a week bc it’s simply easier since there’s two of them.

now let’s fast forward a bit, sofia’s three, there’s a newborn, calzona are a perfectly happy family in a house with a yard. and mark’s a single dad in an apartment who’s probably never going to be with lexie.

regardless of calzona having another kid, i think mark would always try to “outdo” them and be the “fun dad” and let calzona be the more strict, structured parents. and while it might be cute when sofias a baby, it’ll become significantly less cute as sofia grows up. mark would spoil her and undercut calzona quite a bit and anytime calzona say no to something he’d say yes. and i think the odds are, it’d result in sofia being pretty spoiled and obnoxious in always running to mark whenever there are things she wants.

i also think mark would do the sort of underhanded comments about calzona, mainly aruzona, all the time. so sofia would always have that in her ear and marks more fun and he lets her do everything and he doesn’t have an annoying little sibling in his apartment. like there could totally be a situation where sofia says she wants to live with mark full time even as early as like idk age 10?

i think there is a possibility that calzona having a second kid could be the end of mark and callie and their weirdness. marks just too possessive and insecure about the idea of his family. and i think that also would be the point where arizona would put her foot down

[whatisthiswritingthing]

I’m Ready - Emily Sonnett x Reader

Prompt: Where R is a single foster parent and it got me thinking.

R has not had a placement for awhile (but still has her foster license) and Sonnett planed the date to ask R to move in with her but when she ask R, R was shocked and telling Sonnett that she doesn’t think it will be a good idea because of her being a foster parent and could get a call at any given time and Sonnett telling R that she does not care and would like to help her out. Then R gets the call for a placement and has to leave the date but Sonnett get up with her and basically like I am going with you and you can’t stop me. When they get to the hospital R sees how gentle and soft Sonnett is with the baby and tells her that yes they will move in her.

Where the R is a single foster parent ( been for a while before they started to date) and while Sonnett and R is on a date and R gets a call about a foster placement (a 3 month old baby) and feels bad for leaving the date but Sonnett insist on coming her and helping her out. But when she founds out that it’s a baby sonnett gets so nervous and scared.

Note, couple prompt rolled into one here. 

“She didn’t say anything when you asked?” Kelley asked from the couch, watching Sonnett pace back and forth through the living room, stopping occasionally to randomly adjust everything that was already perfectly in place.

“I didn’t even get a chance!” the blonde turned around quickly, throwing her hands up.

“What do you mean?” the defender tilted her head to the side, Emily flopping her hands back to her sides and beginning to move throughout the room, “slow down and explain what happened.”

Emily sighed, moving to perch on the edge of arm of the couch. Biting the edge of her thumb, she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, “I don’t know,” she shrugged defeated, “we had plans last night, she seemed like she was really looking forward to it. I picked her up, she looked gorgeous,” a small smile on her face, dropping as she continued, “the night was great, dinner was romantic, we were every gross romantic cliché. Then on our walk, I got nervous, and I couldn’t get the words out.”

Kelley moved to the blonde, rubbing a soothing hand up and down her back, encouraging her to continue, tugging the thumb away from her teeth, squeezing her hand.

“And she was so sweet about it, said I could talk to her about anything, she had pulled me to the side of the path, held both my hands and just gave me the softest smile,” she paused, smiling softly while she thought about the night before, “then I don’t know what happened. I finally got the nerve to start asking and she got all weird and said she needed to go and bolted.”

Having sat long enough, the defender got up and began pacing the room again. Kelley furrowed her brow, confused at how quickly Y/N had changed on the date the night before. Y/N was always so patient with the blonde, giving her the opportunity to explain herself, reassuring her when she was anxious about how she worded things.

“Have you guys talked since?”

Sonnett shook her head sadly, “I tried to call her last night, but she didn’t answer and I sent a couple texts, nothing there either.”

Kelley got up and pulled the blonde into a hug, “I’m sorry Em.”

Emily struggled in the hold for a second before collapsing into it and allowing the hug, “maybe this means she isn’t interested in long term,” she mumbled into the brunette’s neck.

“You guys have been together for two years, she requested a trade to Washington just to be with you,” Kelley squeezed her, “do you really think she isn’t serious about this?”

She shrugged meekly in the hug.

“See if she says anything at practice this afternoon. Don’t overthink yourself too far before you know what to overthink.”

Sonnett just shrugged again, tugging herself away, fumbling around the apartment, picking up her equipment, “let’s get to training then.”

Practice was about to start, but Y/N had yet to show up.

“Sonnett, where’s Y/L/N?” Burke called, looking around the field.

“I’m not her keeper,” the blonde grunted out, before her eyes went wide, “sorry coach, I’m not sure where she is today.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Y/N called as she rushed out to the field, one cleat on, hoping on one foot while she struggled to pull the other on while still moving, shin guards tucked under arms, “It will never happen again, I’m so sorry Coach.”

Burke gave her a hard look, motioning for everyone to focus up and began his pre-practice talk. Y/N crashed down hard, having tripped over her untied cleat, “fuck,” she tugged the other cleat on.

Sonnett watched on as Y/N spoke with Burke after the meeting off to the side. Burke nodded along, smiling as Y/N spoke, giving her a pat on the back as the soccer player jogged away.

The rest of practice Y/N seemed distracted, constantly glancing over to the trainers on the sideline.

“You good?” Emily stood next to her at a water break, concerned for how different her girlfriend seemed during practice.

She never got a response as one of the trainers called Y/N’s name, motioning to the cell phone in her hand, and she took off. The blonde watched as Y/N answered the phone, walking away and beginning to pace the sideline, plugging a finger in her ear when the whistle blew.

“What’s that all about?” Kelley asked the blonde.

“I don’t know,” Sonnett tracked her girlfriend, noting how frustrated she was getting on the call.

Practice resumed, Y/N joining again at some point, more distracted than before.

“We’ve got to talk,” Kelley shoved the soccer player down the hall after practice, pushing her away from the change room.

“Kel, I don’t have time for this,” Y/N pulled her arm out of Kelley’s grasp, working to make her way back towards the change room.

“No, you have time,” Kelley tightened her hold, keeping Y/N in place.

Y/N released a sigh, tilting her chin to the brunette, waiting for her to continue.

“Do you love Emily, or are you just with her for the fun of it?” she began harshly.

“Fuck you Kelley,” Y/N ripped her arm out, glaring at her, “do you actually have something to say, or would you like to just belittle my relationship?”

“She was going to ask you to move in with her,” Kelley softened.

The glare immediately left Y/N’s face, “oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” now the brunette glared at her, not saying anything and just watching Y/N, waiting for her to say something else, “fix this,” Kelley pointed firmly at her before walking away.

Y/N slowly walked back to the change room, reading the new email on her phone as she went, plopping into her locker and running a hand over her face.

Emily came and sat next to her, “I saw Kelley kidnapped you,” she tried to joke.

Y/N sighed, rolling her head to look at the blonde, giving her a sad smile, “something like that. I’m sorry about last night Emily.”

“It’s alright Y/N, can you tell me what happened?”

Y/N looked away, letting out a slow controlled breath, “I need to tell you something,” she started nervously.

“Can we not do this here?” Emily whispered, nervously looking around the change room, seeing the few lingering players.

“Shit, not that Em,” Y/N quickly shook her head, “but, uhh, you’re definitely right, not here.”

The pair both nervously gathered their things, awkwardly walking next to each other out of the stadium. The awkwardness continued as they walked into Emily’s apartment, neither of them knowing how to start or what to say.

“We can’t live together,” Y/N finally cut the awkward silence.

Emily clenched her jaw and nodded her head dejectedly.

“God Emily, I’m crazy about you, for you. But I think we are better living apart, at least for a little bit,” Y/N didn’t know how to explain how much she loved Emily but why it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to live together, how unfair it be to the blonde if they lived together, “I love you.”

Now Emily scoffed at hearing that, rolling her eyes and looking to the ceiling, “what, you love me but you’re just not in love with me? It’s not you it’s me? What cliché line are you going to drop before you break up with me?”

“No, I don’t want to break up with you,” Y/N recoiled, shaking her head, not expecting the aggressiveness in the blonde’s tone.

“Then, what the fuck is going on? I was ready to ask you to move in yesterday and now you’re being all weird and saying it’s a bad idea, and saying you don’t want to break up, but very much acting how someone would before they break up.”

Emily let all her frustration out, hands firmly on her hips as she started hard at her girlfriend.

Y/N nodded along while the blonde ranted.

“There was a screw up, or not really a screw up, but my name was passed along without me knowing,” Y/N sighed, sitting hesitantly on the edge of the couch cushion, “I was a foster parent back in in Seattle, and I guess they need them here, and the social worker from there moved here and uhh added me to the list.”

“So?” the blondes anger not going anywhere, not understanding why this meant they couldn’t live together.

“They want to give me a kid, uhh a baby actually,” Y/N looked down, rubbing her hand on the back if her neck.

Emily dropped her hands, eyes shooting wide, not expecting that answer.

“I said maybe, only if they can’t find anyone else and only short term. So, I might not be getting one, but uhh, I didn’t want you to feel trapped if I did get one.”

Sonnett opened and closed her mouth, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know if she was ready for a baby, but she knew she was ready for Y/N, so she was probably ready to try.

Y/N’s phone began to ring on the coffee table, she glanced to the phone and to Emily, before picking up the phone when she saw the expression on the blondes face. Not able to interpret it, she picked up the phone and began to walk into the hall.

Emily nervously moved around the apartment while she waited for Y/N to come back inside. Yesterday she was going to ask Y/N to move in with her, and now she’s considering if she is ready to help take care of a kid with her. They had been together for a while now, Y/N uprooted her whole life to be near Emily, she wasn’t forcing her to help either, hadn’t asked her at all.

Did that mean Y/N didn’t think Emily was serious about them? That she didn’t think Emily could handle a baby? That she didn’t see a future with them? A future baby of their own?

She was brought out of her thoughts when Y/N slowly walked back inside, gently closing the door behind her. Y/N tapped the edge of her phone against her palm, refusing to look up.

“I have to go,” she started softly, “I’m sorry I made you think I wanted to break up, I love you, Emily.” She took a couple steps forward, kissing Emily on the cheek, nodding to herself and making her way back to the door.

“Wait!” Emily rushed forward, stopping Y/N before she could leave, “I want to come.”

“Emily,” Y/N smiled sadly at the blonde, “I’m on my way to pick up a baby right now.”

“I know, I want to come.”

Y/N watched her, determining if she was serious. Nodding, she smiled and reached out to hold the blondes hand and lead her out.

Sonnett listened as Y/N spoke to the social worker, trying to take in all the new information. That the baby had been delivered the night before, that the mom wasn’t prepared for a baby and dad wasn’t in the picture at all, no other family available to take care of the baby.

She could feel her palms sweat the more they spoke, this baby was already in a position where no one wanted it, she wasn’t prepared to be another disappointment in the small humans short life.

“You don’t have to stay Em,” Y/N leaned over and whispered after the social worker walked away, “you didn’t sign up for this, I know it’s a lot.”

“No, I’m here,” she rubbed her palms on her pants, “I’m ready,” she straightened up, giving Y/N a determined smile, “did you do this lots in Seattle?”

“This will be my second baby, but I had a few toddlers, couple children. This will be my eighth all together though,” Y/N kept her eyes down the hallway, waiting for the social worker to come back with the baby.

“How did you do it with travelling for both teams?”

“I agreed for short term ones only, and I had a few really good friends that were able to watch them during practice or the odd away game. Luckily, we always get all our schedules far enough in advance I can plan pretty far ahead,” Y/N explained, “this one is a little unexpected though, so I’ll figure it out.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Emily corrected.

“What?” Y/N looked next to her, pausing the mental planning she was doing, organizing everything she would need to get done.

“We’ll figure it out, together,” she clarified again, “I’m in this with you Y/N.”

“Really Emily, you don’t need to help, but I guess, just uhh, now you know.”

Sonnett didn’t say anything as the social worker rounder the corner with a small baby wrapped in a blanket. Y/N stepping away to meet her halfway, gently taking the baby into her arms, rocking it back and forth.

Emily couldn’t help the smile on her face, the gentle smile on Y/N’s face as she stared down at the baby pulling one of her own. She walked up behind Y/N, sliding an arm around her waist, Y/N turned and smiled at her.

“Want to hold her?” Y/N turned slightly, offering her the baby.

Sonnett nodded nervously, wiping her hands before taking the baby into her arms. Y/N mimicked Emily and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“I’m really glad you agreed to this Y/N,” the social worker cut in, interrupting their little bubble.

Y/N smiled in return, giving her a nod, looking back to Emily holding the baby.

“Do you want me to take a picture? You guys are adorable,” the social worker reached a handout for Y/N’s phone. Taking the picture, she handed the phone back, “everything is in order, I’ll check in in a couple days. You look really happy Y/N,” she patted Y/N on the arm as she walked away.

“Ready to go home?” Y/N asked, taking the baby back from Emily, sliding a hand down to hold the blondes and guide her out of the hospital.

“I’m ready,” Emily kissed Y/N on the cheek before placing a delicate one on the babies forehead.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 88

~*~Sebastian~*~

After the video call with my friends, I went back to the couch with a fresh glass of wine. I am blessed. Family, friends, co-workers, and a woman who loves me. None of us are perfect. I have people to call when times are tough. Today they called me, knowing I’d be struggling, only this time it was in a good way. Not long later Jessica called and invited me to dinner.

Pizza, beer, friends, and a toddler made for a good night. Giulietta thought I was much more fun than mom or dad. I guess they don’t let her use them like a jungle gym. When mom spoiled our fun and said it was time to settle down, I stopped the tears by promising to read her a story. Her choice. Like someone else I know Giulietta was asleep before I was halfway through. At this rate I'll never know how anything ends.

I sent the picture Jessica had taken to Emma. She'd wake up to it and with any luck send me back something fun. Which she did as soon as she woke up. Which was afternoon for me. Dinner break before I checked my phone. Emma struck the perfect balance between sweet and sexy. Her hair was messy with just her eyes peeking over a pillow she was hugging. Those beautiful green eyes I loved to look into. I couldn't see her smile so I could imagine it anyway I liked. The sweet one she often got right before she told me she loved me. Or the other one she got when she wanted me. I loved them both.

Our texts were broken up over the course of the day. Short bursts or long hours between. We talked most days at least for a few minutes. We talked about our days, shared memories, and talked about us. Maybe had phone sex. What didn't happen was whining about being apart or bitching about the time and distance. I didn't hang up feeling angry or guilty. I did my job, hung out with friends, relaxed during my downtime, and did a little shopping. Emma relaxed, did some studying, and practiced guitar. I missed her. She missed me. But we went on with our lives apart, making the best of the situation. It sucked, except it didn't.

I think this is the way it's supposed to be.

Thursday we wrapped for Paris. That was worth a party. Over the next four days production would pack up and move to Rome. I'd spend a day and a half on planes going from Paris to Dallas to San Diego. Then back to Dallas and on to Rome. The time zones were going to fucking kill me.

I called Emma when I got back to my room. I was drunk and grumpy. Hearing her voice helped. Seeing her face was even better. The way she told me exactly what she wanted to do to me and said all sorts of dirty things until I came... I wasn't grumpy anymore.

I had a headache when my alarm rang. I needed more sleep. Hopefully, I'd catch up on the flight. I was still debating going back to sleep and blowing off the weekend when my phone rang. Emma. It was the middle of the night for her. "Why are you awake?"

She laughed, "Making sure your drunk ass doesn't turn off his alarm and blow off the weekend."

I rolled to my side, mirroring her. "I wouldn't do that. I was thinking about it, but I wouldn’t do it."

"Such a professional. How are you feeling?"

"I've been better. Advil, breakfast, and a long nap on the plane and I'll be fine. How are you?"

"Good. Big plans laying by the pool with Mallory today."

"Sounds fun. I will be on a plane."

"Yes, but you will walk out of the airport into sunny California. Then spend two days being adored and laughing with your friends."

"That will be fun." I was honestly looking forward to that part.

Emma yawned. I smiled at her beautiful face, "You need to go back to sleep. I need to get showered."

She didn't argue with me. She was tired.

"Thank you for making sure I was up. I love you."

"I love you." There was my sweet smile.

I cannot begin to explain how very disorientating it is to board a plane at nine am, travel for fifteen hours, to arrive at three pm, which is only six hours after you left. I get to relive eight of the hours I spent on the plane. Only thing is, my body thinks it’s midnight. I slept some on the flight and I knew better than to go back to sleep. The closer to "normal" bedtime for this time zone I could get, the better I would feel tomorrow. Anthony and I had press then an autograph session, before the big Marvel event. Sunday was photo ops and an autograph session. Both long days where I was expected to be pleasant despite how inappropriate or rude fans got. Needless to say, a decent night’s sleep would be best for everyone.

I got to my room by four and quickly realized I couldn't stay there. I needed fresh air. I needed to breathe. I changed into shorts and took off to have a look around. There were several hotels in the area that hosted celebrity guests. We weren't all in one place. I'd requested a beach. It was a little farther from the convention center and I was confident I could wander unseen. Most people stayed right around the center since a lot of packages kept prices lower and being so close to the action was appealing. I wanted the ocean.

Down the beach I could see big boulders and took off that direction. I needed some flip-flops. The sand made me think of Emma. The water. The people surfing. The impending sunset. Breathing. I'd like to say the plan I was cooking up was a product of sleep deprivation. It wasn't. It had been bouncing around in my head since this morning as we lay in bed together thousands of miles apart. I'd dismissed it as selfish. On the plane, when sleep was impossible, and I was panicking, it didn't seem so selfish. I shoved the idea away because I knew it really was. The same reasons I didn't ask Emma to stay in Paris or go to Rome were valid here. Asking her to fly literally to the other side of the country to spend two days with me, asking her to amuse herself while I worked a chunk of that time, was peak me as a selfish asshole. The longer I sat on the rock watching the ocean the less of a bad idea it seemed. Maybe not less of a bad idea, but an idea I could give her a choice in, with the difference being if she said no, I wouldn't be angry or make her pay for not doing what I wanted. Growth in action. Hopefully.

I should check flights before I even think about calling. Or actually call, because I'm already thinking about calling. Might not be possible.

It was. I flipped my phone in my hands several times before hitting the buttons to call her. Apparently, I hadn't grown completely out of being an ass.

"I'm about to be an asshole."

Emma raised her eyebrows, "Uh oh."

"Yeah." I was going to do it anyway. "Fifteen-hour flight with little sleep because the turbulence over the ocean was a nightmare. I'm grumpy, exhausted, and lonely as fuck. I'm on the beach without you. I miss you. I can get you on a flight in the morning and if you come straight to the venue you'll be here before I have to do anything. It’ll be two days. I have to leave for Rome Monday. I know it's a shitty thing to ask, but will you come see me? So I can see you."

"I'd love to."

I was prepared to step up my game and her easy acquiescence caught me off guard. "You will?"

She nodded with a smile, "I miss you too."

I took a deep breath and let it out, "I was prepared to beg."

Her smile was almost a laugh, "While you begging sounds fun, it's not necessary. Do I need to pack anything dressy?"

"Fuck, I hope not. I have a pair of jeans, shorts, and sweatpants." It's amazing how much better I felt. I ran my hands through my hair. "You're flying out of JFK. Sorry."

"You booked the flight already?"

"Not many seats left. I wasn't risking it. You leave at seven, here at ten. My first thing is noon." I could see her grabbing her carry-on from the closet.

"I'm going to spend the night at your place. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

I scrunched up my face, "Underwear."

"You don't have underwear?"

"The one's I'm in and a spare."

"You may not like what I pick out."

"Emma, baby, I will wear yours as long as you deliver them."

"I think that's a little drastic."

"It's really not."

Emma laughed and touched her screen. I could almost feel her. I could definitely imagine feeling her. She almost gasped and broke into a smile, "I have an idea. I need to call Jill real quick. Give me five maybe ten minutes."

I nodded, "Okay. I'm going to lay here on my rock."

My rock was not soft, but I was very comfortable. I was very happy. The sky was blue and the sound of the waves was calming. I only had to wait until tomorrow to see Emma. It was going to be a good day.

A little more than five minutes later Emma was calling me back. "You've made my little sister very happy."

"Excellent!” I smiled, "How'd I do that?"

"We need to change my flight. Monday I'm going to Seattle pick up Olivia and take her back to New York with me. Then we'll meet up with the family in Chicago."

"That's perfect. You're not just coming out here for me."

She picked up on it. "Yeah, because seeing you isn't enough of a reason. You know I miss you, right?"

"I know, but I'm..."

Emma cut me off, "Stop there. I jump on planes to spend weekends on tour with dad. This is fun for me. Dad's doing sound checks, interviews, and charity shit while I amuse myself. You're not an asshole. I love this."

"You love this?" I did not love jumping on planes at short notice.

She was nodding as I spoke, "I love this."

"And you'd tell me to fuck off if you didn't?"

"Maybe, but this is your lucky day."

"No, my luck day was exactly eight weeks ago."

We talked for another ten minutes or so until she was loaded and heading into the city. We've talked while she's driving many times, but I wanted her to pay attention. The sun was going down where she was and it would be dark before she got to my place. I headed back toward the hotel and ordered room service. By the time Emma texted she was at mine and I was deep in a documentary, struggling to stay awake.

Emma ~ Safe and sound in your bed.

Naturally, she sent a picture. Sheet barely covering her breasts and one arm stretched out above her head.

I sent back a picture of me in the same pose, but making sure to show the empty side of the bed. I drew a red ✗ there.

Sebastian ~ Where you will be in my bed tomorrow.

Emma ~ Equally safe and sound Sebastian ~ More. Emma ~ I'm going to sleep. I will see you in the morning. Sebastian- Can not fucking wait

 I was probably asleep before she was. By the time I woke up twelve hours later Emma was halfway here. I felt well-rested and excited for my day. Not just the Emma piece. Mackie and I always had fun together. I'd been sent the day’s itinerary. Noon was press, two thirty was an autograph session, and five was the big deal Marvel panel. We should be done by 6:30. Disney was having a party tonight. I had to make an appearance. It started at eight. That wasn't going to happen. Nine was more likely. I remembered it wouldn't matter because mice can't tell time.

At the venue I was led to a behind the scenes area. There was a large room, guarded by security, set with food and drink. Several smaller rooms encircled the larger area and some were labeled with company names. One of the largest was for Disney, with cloth wall dividers making several smaller rooms, where a stylist would be waiting to make sure Mackie and I looked presentable. Outside of the room was a loading area that was separated from the autograph booths by black curtains. I'd already ducked between them and gave fans nosing around my booth quite a surprise. Those were my favorite interactions. The ones without expectations. Security came over to make sure I hadn't been ambushed. I hadn't, but that was a perfect way to get away and I needed to talk to security anyway. I had them take me to the security office. Some lucky fans got a shot at a sighting of a Sebastian in the wild. I explained what was happening to the head of security and put Emma’s name on a list. They gave me a lanyard with her all-access pass and told me what door to direct her to. Security would meet her and bring her to me.

"About that." Call me paranoid, but I didn't trust they'd remember to have someone waiting for her. They'd call someone when she showed up and gave her name to the person with the list. "I need a Pearl Jam fan."

"Excuse me?"

"Someone on your staff is a Pearl Jam fan. Get them.”

He got on his radio, "Anyone out there a Pearl Jam fan?"

A voice came back, "Big Ed. He works all the shows up the coast."

I looked at my watch then back at the supervisor, "I need to borrow him for an hour."

His face read doubtful, but I was Disney. "Big Ed. I need you in the security office. Anyone see him? Send him."

A different voice, "On my way, boss."

Several minutes later Big Ed came through the door. I knew it was him because he was six-five and an easy two-fifty. He was his name. I held out my hand, "Hey, Big Ed. I'm Sebastian. Nice to meet you."

“You too."

"Walk me back to the guest area." We headed out and I waited until we were away from the office. "Do you know Ed's daughter?"

He smiled, "He has three. Which one?"

"The only one old enough for me to ask about."

"Emma. I've seen her at a couple of shows. I work security up the coast. Great way to see a bunch of shows."

I nodded, "I guess anything you miss at one you can catch at the next."

"Exactly." He pointed to his ear, "And you can always hear."

"Back to Emma. She's on her way here. I'd appreciate it if you would meet her and bring her to me."

"Is Ed coming?"

"No, he's," I stopped myself, "you ask her where he is."

He laughed, "I might take the long way back here."

"I haven't seen her in weeks. Not too long." Two is weeks. Barely.

Emma texted they'd landed. Big Ed changed where he wanted her to go and he headed in that direction. I sat down to wait for her to text she was here. I heard a familiar voice.

"Sebastian Stan? Is that really you?"

"Captain America?" I stood up and turned to the voice.

"Don't call me that. The pressure." Mackie hugged me, slapping my back much harder than necessary. "How jet-lagged are you?"

"Is that code for how much work are you going to have to do because I'm grouchy?"

"Maybe." We laughed.

"I had a good night’s sleep and I'm in a great mood."

"You seem twitchy. Why are you twitchy?"

"I'm not twitchy."

"Yes, you are. You're twitchy."

"If I'm twitchy it's because you're making me twitchy."

He pointed at me, "Ah ha! You admitted it. You're twitchy."

I rolled my eyes and scowled, "Emma's on her way. I might be a little twitchy."

"Here?" He pointed to the ground. With his eyebrows raised.

I smiled, "My girlfriend."

"Yeah, I got that. Plus, Evans told me."

"She’s not a secret." That felt good.

He asked and I answered. Talking about Emma is my second favorite thing having to do with Emma. First is being with Emma. In absolutely any way. My phone went off with Emma telling me she was here. I put my hand on Mackie’s arm. "Stay here. Right here."

[erbferbatinlerb]

sorry for the long post, i'm on mobile and cant put a read more but.... drumroll please.... due to popular demand here it is! Phineas Has ADHD: The Essay.

Hyperfixation on building/inventing things: Even more specifically amusement park rides ("Rollercoaster", "Rollercoaster The Musical", "One Good Scare", "Leave The Busting To Us", "Don't Even Blink", "Cheer Up Candace", "Delivery Of Destiny", etc.) Now, you can argue that he's a kid, and rides are fun, so of course he likes them, but if you look at it from a building standpoint, from an engineering standpoint? Phineas' interest lies in fun, of course, but he also must have an extreme interest in the engineering aspect of a ride in order to be skilled and knowledgeable enough to build them, and to be able to focus on the task so wholly.

He also gets incredibly attached to very specific things that some people often find strange, which seems like evidence of hyperfixation to me. (E.g.: aglets in "Tip of the Day", dental hygiene in "Bully Bust", Bulgarian folk dancing in "The Beak", detective movies in "Finding Mary McGuffin") hot tubs in "Bully Bromance Breakup", "Lotsa Latkes", "Swiss Family Phineas")

HYPERFOCUS: He and Ferb will dedicate their whole day to just one idea that they have. Phineas is able to weaponize his hyperfocusing talent incredibly well and stick to one task, but only if it is something he is extremely interested in — for example: In "Bully Bromance Breakup", he becomes almost unable to function without the stimulation of inventing, to the point where climbing a mountain with his friends—something he, by all accounts, should enjoy—becomes a difficult task for him.

He displays forgetfulness: In "Mom's Birthday", Phineas forgets it is his mom's birthday until he hears Candace mention it, and then he feels extremely guilty. We then see a montage of him, during various situations from the previous episodes (on the rollercoaster, etc.) telling Ferb: "We can't forget mom's birthday." Even though this was of course, a bit, if you take this as being canon (which there's no real reason not to), it means Phineas was constantly talking about their mom's birthday for weeks leading up to the event because he really didn't want to forget it and he was worried that he would (and in the end, he did), implying he may have a consistent tendency to be forgetful.

Phineas has an intense love of summer, and is implied to have a dislike for school—  which is natural for any kid his age, but it's not hard to imagine that he might feel cooped up and creatively stifled during school. Especially if we put his attitude towards school next to that of Baljeet, with whom he shares a love of learning and knowledge, it's hard to ignore the difference. Being as we've seen Phineas get agitated when he's not able to build and invent freely and on his own terms ("Bully Bromance Breakup", "Summer Belongs To You"), it's easy to imagine he may struggle in a public school environment.

He has impulsive and thrill-seeking tendencies, which are evident in many of the big ideas. ("Escape From Phineas Tower", "Rollercoaster", "Ain't No Kiddie Ride", "The Beak", "One Good Scare", "Phineas and Ferb-Busters", "Leave The Busting To Us", ETC.) Adrenaline-seeking behaviour is common in individuals with ADHD and goes hand-in-hand with a low tolerance for boredom which Phineas explicitly states himself to possess in the very first episode of the show. ("Rollercoaster")

However, on the flip side to his aversion to boredom, he can also spend literally hours just standing in the backyard, not even talking, if that's just what he feels like doing that day. ("Best Lazy Day Ever")

He is highly energetic and is the most talkative one of his friends. He has also suggested having an awareness and perhaps an insecurity that he talks too much in some situations. ("Misperceived Monotreme")

He sometimes has trouble with listening, and interrupts people, especially when he's excited: in "Ready For The Bettys", when they stumble upon Perry's lair, Phineas assumes Ferb built everything and doesn't listen, constantly interrupting when Ferb tries to protest; in "Hail Doofania", he assumes that he knows what Isabella is talking about (not having seen a rainbow before) and makes it his mission for the day to do what he thinks she means, and doesn't take the time to hear her out when she tries to explain otherwise because he's too invested in/excited about the project he has in mind.

Obliviousness / missing of social cues: The most obvious example is Isabella's crush on him, which he consistently fails to notice. ("Chronicles of Meap", "Meapless in Seattle", "That Sinking Feeling", "Happy New Year", "Summer Belongs To You", "Happy Birthday Isabella", "Doofapus", "It's No Picnic") He also seems not to understand that Candace wants to get them in trouble, nor that he actually probably would get in trouble if his mom knew what he and Ferb were doing. In fact, he gets excited about sharing their endeavors with Linda, clearly oblivious to the potential repercussions. ("Traffic Cam Caper", "What'd I Miss", "Suddenly Suzy")

Highlighted Episodic Evidence

Chronicles of Meap/Meapless in Seattle

Phineas's dismissal of Isabella's "cuteness" comments shows again his difficulty picking up on social cues, especially when distracted by a mission. He does not seem to understand, or at least does not acknowledge, Isabella's clear frustration with him. He does not understand that he is dismissing Isabella's feelings, because to him it feels obvious that she is cute and he doesn't think he needs to say it. Followed up in "Meapless in Seattle" with the "You think I'm cute?" "It's a scientific fact!" interaction—Phineas is not understanding that this isn't really how to give a compliment; he does not seem to realize that by not acknowledging Isabella's cuteness he could be hurting her feelings/nurturing her insecurities.

That Sinking Feeling

Once again, he misses cues from Isabella about her feelings for him, or if he understands them, he does not outwardly acknowledge them. He also tries to create romance for Mishti and Baljeet by taking "scientifically" romantic things, based upon his research (mostly the movie Titanic): candles, live music, the situation of a sinking ship... He over-does these things in a calculated way to try and curate the most scientifically romantic situation possible. This also mirrors Candace's opinion about his cold, calculated methods in "Perry Lays an Egg".

Cheer Up Candace

Phineas cares about Candace and when he sees her upset, he wants to help her, and he makes it his goal to do so. He hears the first step from Isabella's magazine is a makeover and he immediately thinks of a clown. He sets off to execute his plan without consulting anyone (except Ferb) and after it goes, as you can expect, not well, he realizes in hindsight that his impulsive idea was built on flawed logic. However, rather than dwell on this, he decides to dive right into the next step and he continues to do wildly over the top, fantastical versions of the magazine suggestions. I think this demonstrates a lack of understanding for social cues as well as impulsivity and impatience. Furthermore, he doesn't even wait to hear step two before setting out to achieve step one, and he doesn't ask Isabella her opinion or even listen to her suggestions once he has entered his own Idea Zone. Also, the Mix 'n' Mingle Machine is a great example of his unconventional and greatly efficiency-focused thought processes—  

he thinks of it as the most efficient way to meet as many people as possible in a short time, demonstrating a clear misunderstanding of what the actual intent of "meeting someone" was in the magazine. He is also basing this idea on his personal notions of what he finds fun, not what Candace would necessarily want.

Summer Belongs To You

When stranded on the island, Phineas shows an intense frustration when he's unable to put an optimistic spin on things. He also has a clear discomfort when he is without any tools to build with. Again, we see his hyperfocus on inventing (in this case: fixing the plane) get in the way of Isabella trying to have a romantic moment with him, and in the way of relaxing in general. She sees the sights of Paris, alone time with him, and chances to enjoy themselves, whereas Phineas sees things he could use as airplane parts, single-mindedly focused on his mission. And again he misses or does not acknowledge Isabella's frustration with him in the "It seemed like romance was a foregone conclusion" scene. This is strong evidence for Phineas' hyperfixation because he gets so caught up in his own world when it comes to inventing/building/working that he doesn't even notice what's going on around him, then he fails to see the irony of him identifying Candace&Jeremy and Ferb&Vanessa as romantic interests while entirely missing the fact that Isabella & him are also "a boy and a girl, alone in the city of love."

Also of note is his complete focus on completing the Summer Solstice goal. Because, despite the fact that they made it back to Danville safely after being in a pretty perilous situation—which should have become their main concern being as they were just stranded on an island with no food or way to call for help—he cannot be satisfied with that. Needing to get home before the sun sets for the sake of winning his bet and symbolically representing his worldview, he yells at candace when she doesn't want to get on the trike, because he's determined to still get there on time, intensely focused on both proving a point and upholding his personal values.

Happy Birthday Isabella

Isabella does not want an over-the-top surprise party, all she wants is to spend time alone with Phineas, but Phineas is so focused on his idea of her perfect birthday party that he does not seem to realize what her wishes are. He sends her away from him so that she won't know about the surprise, and does not even do so very gently (getting Buford to carry her away in a sack) instead of even asking her what she wants.

Bully Bromance Breakup

In this episode, Phineas is shown to get extremely distressed when he has to go even a short period of time without building/inventing anything. This is representative of a need for constant stimulation (which would explain why he is so adamant that he cannot put up with boredom). This also evidences his hyperfixation on building/inventing. The whole time that they're climbing the mountain with Baljeet, Phineas is completely preoccupied by his ideas for inventions, and after Baljeet rejects his ideas a few times, he gets increasingly agitated, eventually gets to a point where he is unable to climb anymore and has to get pulled up by the others, and he is shown rambling to himself about all of the invention ideas he has.

This is by no means a definitive list, and I'm sure there are many more moments in the show that provide evidence of these ideas, but this is the ones that stood out to me. Anyway, in conclusion, Phineas has ADHD. If you're still reading this incredibly long post by this point: uhh, thank you, I guess! Have a nice day. 💖

[superfanficnatural]

The Choice Part 5

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader, Christian Grey x Reader 

Summary: Deciding to get over your crush on Dean, you find Christian, a mysterious billionaire that manages to split your heart into two. Finding out hidden truths, your decision becomes a hard one, who will you choose?

A/N: Sorry this chapter is a bit late. As always, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Angst.

Word Count: 2,652

Italics are thoughts

Masterpost

Leaving the room, you felt conflicted, you knew you didn’t regret what happened with Dean, but it felt wrong to you; the thoughts of Dean only wanting you for sex clouding your fond memory. You went straight to your room and sat down on your bed, staring at the wall in thought. I need to move past this and just look forward to seeing Christian tomorrow.

You decided to watch some TV for the rest of the day, just relaxing and finally having some alone time to sit back and catch up on some shows. You finished almost an entire season of Riverdale by the time you felt drowsy and tired. Looking at the time, you noticed that it was 1am. Holy shit. You turned off the TV and changed into your pajamas, crawling under the covers after turning off the lights, falling into a dreamless sleep.

Waking up, you noticed the time was 9am, getting up and taking a shower. After your shower, you got dressed and made your way to the kitchen for breakfast. 

Finishing up breakfast, the day went much like it did the day before, you went back to your room so you wouldn’t have to talk to Dean and spent time getting ready for your date. It was around 4pm when you decided you were ready to head out to the Museum. 

You left your room and made your way to the garage, being stopped by a voice calling out to you from the library.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you going on your date?” Sam asked, his attention from the book in his hand temporarily diverted to you.

“Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be done but I’ll let you know if I need help.”

He nodded and went back to his book while you continued to the garage. You found it strange that Dean wasn’t anywhere to be found but was glad since you didn’t have to explain to him where you were going. Getting into your car, you started the ignition and pulled out of the bunker, heading down the road to where you were going to meet Christian. 

Arriving at the Museum, you parked across the street so you wouldn’t have trouble parking and took out your phone, noticing the time was 4:45pm.

“Hey, I’m here,” you texted.

You tapped your foot on the ground, anxious for your date, for you haven’t been on one in what seemed like forever. 

“I’m just pulling in now, I’m in the limousine.”

“Of course he is,” you chuckled.

Looking up from your phone, a sleek black limousine pulled up in front of you, the back window rolling down and revealing Christian.

“Hop in,” he smiled.

“Are we not touring the Museum?” you wondered.

“No, I have a much better plan,” he simply said.

Shrugging, you got into the back with him, the luxurious car making your eyes widen.

“How have you been?” he asked, placing his hand on your thigh. While the gesture might seem sexual, the contact was more comforting than anything else.

“I’ve been good, just hanging out with the family,” you admitted. “What about you?” 

“Meetings have been killing me, but I’m glad to see you,” he breathed, leaning in to steal a kiss from you.

You smiled as he pulled away, the kiss making you giddy, “About that, how in the world do you have the time to fly out all the way over here? Just for a person like me? I mean we barely know each other,” you questioned.

“Exactly, I want to get to know you better. And you’re not just “a person” to me, you’ve caught my interest,” he winked, pulling a blush from you. “Plus, gives me a chance to get away from all of the boring meetings.”

You smiled shyly and looked down at your lap for a moment. Picking up your gaze, “So what's on the agenda?”

“It’s a surprise,” he simply responded.

He reached over and intertwined your hands together, not making eye contact with you. You had a feeling that Christian wasn’t the type to date or really show his feelings, looks like I have a type. Though, you felt special that you were able to help bring that out of him, a blush coming back to your face. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, driving somewhere that you couldn’t tell for your “date.” You thought that he was going to take you to a nice restaurant or something, but by the time the car came to a stop, you knew that wasn’t going to be the case. He got out of the car first and opened the door for you, such a gentleman. Since the windows were tinted, you couldn’t see much outside of the car. Plus, with the feeling of his warm hand enveloping yours, you didn’t really focus on much besides that. Getting out of the car, you looked around and noticed that you guys were on an airfield.

“Um, what are we doing here?” you asked warily, not able to understand what your date could possibly be.

“You see that over there?” he pointed towards a strange looking plane a few hundred feet in front of you.

You nodded, “What about it?”

“That’s our date.”

You stared at him in shock, “What do you mean? Are we flying back to Seattle?”

He warmly smiled, “Well, if you want.” He chuckled, “But that’s not exactly what I was planning.” You opened your mouth to ask another question but he grabbed your hand and tugged you along with him towards the plane, silencing you. 

Reaching the plane, your nerves tripled, nervously chuckling, “Christian, I um-”

“It’s going to be fine, I’ll be right here with you.” How did he know that I was afraid of heights?

His reassuring smile calmed your nerves a bit and you nodded, allowing him to help you get into the plane. The design was somewhat weird, there were two seats, one in front of the other. He helped you get into the front seat as he got into the back.

“You ready?” he asked, reaching over to put his hand on your shoulder momentarily.

“To be honest, not at all but let’s do this.”

He chuckled and leaned back in his seat, shooting a thumbs up out of the plane then closing the glass case. The plane you were in was tied to another one with an engine, giving you the impression that the one you were in couldn’t get off the ground but could maneuver it’s way around the sky. 

After a few moments of the other plane warming its engine, it began to move forward, pulling you guys along. The next thing you knew, you and Christian were up in the air, the line connecting you with the other plane falling away as Christian took over the controls.

“You doing alright?” he asked, smiling as bright as ever.

“Uh, yeah!” you replied with a bit too much enthusiasm, giving away your nerves and slight fear of the elevation.

“Don’t worry about how high up we are, try and focus on the view,” he shouted over the loud wind pushing back against the plane.

You tried to do as he said, instead focusing on the beautiful sunset off in the distance, the colors in the sky changing absolutely incredible. A small smile spread across your lips and you found your nerves from before completely gone. Realizing that you were safe in the plane, you took the opportunity to just enjoy what was happening, shouting out in joy as Christian maneuvered the two of you.

“That’s it,” he muttered mostly to himself, a proud and happy smile appearing on his face. He found himself confused with his emotions, he had never felt this way before, ever. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a genuine smile on his face.

While you felt comfort everytime you were near Dean, with Christian it was different. It wasn’t comfort per se, but more butterflies. Though you tried to chalk it up to infatuation since you had only met a few days ago, you found yourself strangely trusting him. It was like you could just tell him a secret and you trusted him to hold it.

“Get ready!” he called out, breaking your train of thought.

You were slightly confused on what he was talking about until you felt the plane strongly veer off to the left, an entirely new view revealing itself to you. You could see the entire city from the height you were at and a huge smile broke out on your face without your consent, oblivious to Christian’s fond gaze on you. 

“This is incredible,” you breathed, eyes wide in amazement.

After about an hour out in the sky, Christain landed the plane back on the strip you had initially taken off on, releasing the glass case and unbuckling himself. He reached over and unbuckled you as well, helping you out of the plane.

“So, you have fun?” he asked, a knowing look on his face. 

“I honestly thought I was going to shit myself, but I actually had an amazing time,” you admitted, a slight blush rising up your cheeks at his pleased expression.

“I’m glad, but if you think this date is over, you are sorely mistaken,” he grinned.

You wanted to scream out in joy but kept your face nonchalant, trying not to seem too excited, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The two of you went back to the limousine that hadn’t moved an inch since you left it and got in, Christian telling the driver to go to “location number two.”

“Where’s that?” you questioned.

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise,” he responded, slightly grinning at you with a twinkle in his eye.

You chuckled and nodded, accepting the ignorance of your next location as he insisted. 

The car eventually came to a stop and Christian once again helped you out, opening the door for you. You looked around and noticed you were at one of the fanciest, best rated restaurants in the city: Chaz on the Plaza. 

“Christian, you didn’t have to, I don’t even think I’m wearing the appropriate outfit,” you nervously chuckled.

“Don’t worry, no one is going to judge, the place is to ourselves for tonight,” he simply responded, tugging on your hand to pull you with him towards the entrance. 

The warmth of his hand was something you didn’t want to let go of just yet, so you held on, allowing him to bring you with him. Though, you were a bit confused as to what he meant by “to ourselves for tonight.”

Walking in, one of the workers instantly came up to the two of you as if they were waiting for this exact moment, “Mr. Grey, welcome to our establishment, I hope that we can offer you a relaxing, fine dining experience this evening.”

“Thank you,” he said, the two of you following him to be seated.

You looked around and noticed that the entire place was extremely fancy, at least for your taste. Every seat was leather, a black frame with a red inside coating, each table a dark black that looked deluxe. There were what seemed like a hundred seats total, all of them the same design of elegance. The next thing you noticed was that the restaurant was completely empty, aside from the workers, you, and Christian.

You tugged on his arm to grab his attention, “Did you seriously buy this entire place out?” you asked, baffled.

He simply smiled, “Yeah, I wanted to have more privacy and intimacy for our date.”

You were left wide eyed and mouth agape as you continued your journey to your seats, did he seriously spend all of that money on ME?

Your nerves from before came back at full force, he’s only barely just met me but likes me enough to spend ALL of this money? Thoughts were swirling around your mind and you couldn’t stop them, not until the two of you sat down and you were face to face with Christian. The way he looked at you made everything else fall away and the only thing you found yourself focusing on was how handsome and sweet he was.

“I bet you do this for all the girls,” you smiled.

He shook his head, “Never before actually.”

You tilted your head in confusion, prompting him to continue, “Look, Y/N. Before you, I brought girls into a contract, they would sign and become my submissive. It basically gave me rights to a lot of their stuff, but I would usually spend money on them for their services,” he spoke the last word almost uncomfortably. You noticed his eyes go back to that darkness you remembered from when the two of you had intercourse. It seemed as if he was internally battling with it, his lighter side winning his flashback, his eyes returning to normal. “You’re different. You’re the first person I’ve met where I didn’t want you to just be a submissive. Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re the best I’ve ever had.” You blushed as he continued, “But there’s something about you that just makes me want to get to know you better.”

His confession was flattering at the least, while you wanted to ask about the girls that came before you, you decided that was for another conversation, understanding it was hard for him to tell you even that.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, I could tell it was a bit difficult.”

He gratefully smiled at you, “So, tell me about yourself.”

After that, the two of you ordered your food and drinks and began talking. The easiness of the conversation was shocking at the least, you found the conversation to never stop and it flowed so seamlessly. He went on about his childhood but you could tell he left some parts out, while you explained to him your own, not mentioning the fact that you were a hunter. You strangely felt bad about keeping the truth from him but chose not to focus on that strange feeling. Instead understanding that both of you had your secrets that you weren’t quite ready to share just yet.

After eating an incredible dinner, you thought that the night was over and you couldn’t help but be disappointed. Today was the most fun you had in years and you didn’t want it to end just yet.

“Hey, do you want to go to a bar? I know it might not be your scene but-” 

“I would love to,” he responded, cutting you off. He seemed just as eager to spend more time with you and you couldn’t help but smile in return.

After Christian paid the check, something you wanted to help out with but he didn’t allow, the two of you got back into the limousine, “Location number three, driver.”

You looked at him in awe and confusion, was he already planning this? His responding smirk answered your question.

After another short drive, the two of you got out of the vehicle and you noticed that you went to a bar you and Dean frequented whenever you both wanted drinks back at the bunker. The temporary lapse of Dean coming into your mind meddled your mood a tad bit but you didn’t let it get you down, looking at Christian and finding those thoughts melting away.

Entering the bar, you were hit with the smell of cigarettes and booze, a smile of nostalgia spreading across your cheeks. Christian looked unbothered and you took that as a good sign, you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. You had met in a bar similar to this one anyways.

The next thing you saw absolutely shattered you. There, at the bar, was Dean. Kissing another woman.

Next Part

The Choice Tag List: @fuckthis-and-fuckthat​ @spnfamily-j2​ @greenarrowhead​ @vicmc624​ @pie-with-hunters​ @m-winchester-67​

Forevers Tag List: @magssteenkamp​ @shadowsinger11​ @donnaintx​ @flamencodiva​

Jensen/Dean Forever Tag List: @akshi8278​​

Female Reader Tag List: @emoryhemsworth​ @punof-agun​

[lydia-bell]

The Twelfth Time’s the Charm

Happy TBTP Holidays, @mysugarglidersrox​! I wrote you a bit of AU Stragan fluff (mostly). I hope you enjoy it!

[Edit: now with AO3 link!]

The Twelfth Time’s the Charm

Alex finally made it to the front of the line for signings. She'd let everyone else go ahead of her because she wanted to have a bit of fun without worrying that she was holding anyone else up. Handing the hardcover to the author, she said "I'm really looking forward to reading this. The chapter you read was pretty compelling."

"Thank you," he said, giving a small nod of acknowledgement. He was even prettier up close, those bright blue eyes catching and holding her attention. 

"So, to whom shall I make this out?"

"Alex Reagan." She waited to see if he would make the connection.

"Is that spelled with..." his voice trailed off. He looked up at her, his brow slightly furrowed. "Alex Reagan. Have we met?"

"No, we never did quite manage it," she replied lightly. Maybe if I'd called a twelfth time."

He actually looked abashed. It was a good look on him. "Of course. The reporter." Then his eyes narrowed a bit and he said, "I hope you aren't still trying to get me to agree to an interview."

"Nope. We wrapped on that story months ago. I just thought it would be fun."

He relaxed then and started to sign her book. "Is 'Reagan' spelled with or without an 'a'?"

"With. It used to be pronounced like the president but I guess my dad's family decided they didn't want the association. It was easier to change the pronunciation than the spelling."

He laughed, signed the book, and handed it back to her. 

"I hope you didn't take it personally when I didn't call back, Ms. Reagan. But at the time, I was very much focused on finishing this book, and in any event I'm afraid I've never enjoyed talking with the press."

"It's OK, lots of people don't."

"I presume you were able to find someone else to talk to."

"Oh, sure. Though the whole 'paranormal investigator' well ran a little dry after that. Maybe if you'd returned my calls, we could have done a whole series on it," she teased. 

"I'm sure I'm not that fascinating," he demurred.

"Oh, I don't know."

He chuckled. "You have a way with flattery, Ms. Reagan."

"Alex."

"Alex. I haven't had dinner yet. Would you be interested in joining me?"

"I think I'd like that a lot, yeah."

***

Strand—he'd said to call him Richard but she was struggling a bit to adjust—wanted some good, fresh seafood because "it's not the same in Chicago." That was fine with Alex, so they found an oyster bar a couple of blocks from the bookstore. Once they'd placed their orders, and thus run out of obvious small-talk fodder, she wasn’t sure what to say next. She was feeling oddly nervous, like this was a date with stakes instead of a spur-of-the-moment meal with a (granted, hot) former prospective interview subject.

She decided to ease into the conversation by asking about something she knew he would want to talk about.

"So, what inspired you to write your book?"

"I'm trying to do my part to encourage rational thinking in the world, against the tide of all of the forces that seem to be pushing in the opposite direction."

It was really unreasonable, Alex reflected, to be attracted to someone who talked like that all the time. But here she was. "Sure, but I meant more like, why this particular book, and why you?"

"Let's just say that I have experience with," he paused, "family members who have turned to the occult in times of crisis. It didn't provide the answers they were looking for, and it probably prevented them from doing something more useful."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thank you."

They both fell quiet for a moment as the waiter brought their food. When he'd gone, Richard continued as if he'd never stopped.

"The impulse to turn to paranormal explanations is understandable in some ways. Especially for people who have suffered trauma, or who lack a proper understanding of science and statistics. Other people have a psychological need to feel that they're special, that they have secret knowledge of some hidden aspect of the world. Some people are just looking for a break from the mundane. Of course there are other outlets that for these impulses—things like conspiracy theories or radical political movements, for instance. Either way, if people aren't careful about how they get their needs met, they can become targets. They can delude themselves. I want to prevent that, as much as I can."

"Wow," Alex said. "I guess that's...I don't know, deeper than I expected it to be?" Off his raised eyebrow she added, "That may have come out wrong. I guess I just expected something more along the lines of the videos I've seen you in."

"Ah, yes. Less human nature, more ripping apart the claims of charlatans."

"Something like that, yeah."

"Well," he admitted, "there's some of that too."

Alex laughed.

"Speaking of charlatans," Richard continued, "I certainly hope you found someone to represent the rational point of view on your show."

"We couldn't really find another person with your particular profile, but we did talk to a couple of skeptics. And a woman named Arianna Asadi called me..."

Richard groaned softly.

Alex laughed. "What? She said she heard I'd been calling around to paranormal researchers, and she wanted to make sure I didn't get the wrong idea. She warned me off of them!"

Richard huffed. "Ms. Asadi is an odd case. She purports to be a serious researcher. She even offers very well-founded debunkings of the ghost hunters and so-called psychics who prey on people looking for answers and meaning. And then she publishes books about 'historical hauntings'. I believe she's actually sincere, but it's all very frustrating."

"Well, she thinks highly of you."

"And what makes you say that?"

"That she said she admires your body of work." He actually blushed a little. Alex grinned and continued. "Anyway, you're right about the debunking. She asked who I'd talked to so far, and when I told her, she immediately listed off all these tricks they do to make it seem like lights are going out on their own and things like that. It was amazing, she basically described everything that happened with Emily Dumont and the old psych hospital. I think Dumont must do the same stuff a lot."

"Oh, I assure you, she does."

"See, it could have been you, explaining all this to our listeners," she teased.

"It could. But to be honest, knowing that you'd been talking to people like Dumont and Abruzzi, I wasn't sure what kind of show you were making or whether I wanted to be part of it. And anyway, I needed to focus on my book. I'm trying to reach as wide an audience as possible."

"Well, that episode was only downloaded 100,000 times, so I can see how that might not be a big enough audience."

His eyes widened. "I apologize. To be honest, I have no idea how many people listen to shows like yours. I'm not really familiar with the podcasting medium."

"I'd noticed."

"I shouldn't have assumed."

It was fun having him a bit on on defensive, a bit flustered. "It wasn't very intellectually rigorous of you."

"It wasn't," he agreed.

"It did help that we got a big boost from the mothership—from Pacific Northwest Stories," she admitted. "But yeah, the show's doing pretty well, and we have enough sponsors these days to keep us in plane tickets and free socks, so I have no complaints. Well. I might want to do something a little more substantial at some point. But this is fun."

"So if you were to do something a little more substantial, as you say, what would it be?"

"I don't know. Maybe people who are working on climate change mitigation. Like, we still have to think about reducing emissions, but there are lots of people who've just basically decided that's not going to work or it's not going to be enough and are figuring out how they're going to live in the new climate. It's kind of depressing? But also kind of hopeful. There's a lot of people doing that work around Seattle. A lot of Indigenous people, in particular. I don't think it would be hard to at least get a mini-series out of it."

"That's a big departure from interviewing Emily Dumont."

She laughed. "It is! Don't get me wrong, I definitely think there's room for both kinds of stories in the world. All kinds of stories. But I just feel like I want to branch out a little."

"Well, I hope you get a chance to do that show sometime soon," he said. "It sounds like a subject worthy of your talents."

OK, wow. And he'd said she had a way with flattery. "Thanks. So, um. What about you, what's next for you?" she asked.

"I had to basically put the functions of the Strand Institute on hiatus while I finished the book, so I'll work on getting that running again," he said. "Also, as it happens, I'll probably be back in Seattle a few times in the next few months."

"Oh?"

"Yes, my father lived here before his death. No condolences necessary," he said, pre-empting her, "it was almost 20 years ago now. But there are still some aspects of his estate that need to be dealt with, including the sale of his house."

"Oh, well. I can show you around, if you'd like. When you come back."

"I would like that very much."

The waiter came with the check. Alex started to say something about paying her share but Richard said "Please, allow me. I did invite you to dinner, after all." She had to admit to herself, as she watched the waiter show Richard how to settle the bill on his iPad, it was something of a relief; the prices had been frankly terrifying on a journalist's salary.

As they were walking back to her parking spot, they passed a quiet-looking bar. Richard stopped in front of it.

"Would you like to get a drink?" he asked.

Yes. She took a deep breath. "It sounds nice, but, I don't think that's a good idea. I had that beer with dinner, and it was a while ago so I should be OK, but I have to drive."

"Of course." He hesitated for a moment. "Although, if you don't want to drive home...you don't have to."

"Ah." It wasn't a complete surprise, but—OK, yes, maybe she was stereotyping because of his age and his manner, but he hadn't struck her as a sex-on-the-first-date kind of guy.

She must have come across as pretty unenthusiastic, because he added, "That's not why I paid for dinner."

"I know." And she did. He wasn't really smooth enough to be a manipulator...unless, of course, he was such a good manipulator that he was only faking the bluntness and questionable social graces in order to lure her into a false sense of security.

It didn't seem likely.

Did she want to have sex with him? (Well, yeah.) Did she even like him? Everybody had said he was kind of a prick, and they weren't wrong. But he wasn't just that, either. Maybe it was his obvious passion for his work, or maybe it was just that she'd seldom known anyone quite so confidently, exasperatingly himself—even if that self might be, well, a little stuffy and self-important. He wasn't even a little bit charming but he was somehow still endearing. (He'd also been very respectful to the waitstaff, and that was always a good sign.)

She was pretty sure she liked him. He was a challenge, no doubt—but Alex was never deterred by a challenge. But she had a stupidly early morning tomorrow and also, God, she hadn't worn her pretty underwear or shaved or anything, and it was silly, yes, but she liked to make a good first impression.

And then she imagined saying that out loud and how ridiculous he would find it. "The male libido," she imagined him saying sternly, "isn't deterred by those things. Women are far more concerned about their body hair than men are."

God help her, the thought made her giggle. She suppressed it, though—it didn't seem polite to start laughing right after someone asked you to sleep with them. "I'm very, very tempted," she said. "But it's late, and I have an 8am meeting for some ungodly reason."

"I understand."

"But," she continued, poking him gently in the chest, "I'm going to hold you to that promise to look me up the next time you're in Seattle."

He smiled, probably the warmest smile she'd seen on him all night. He really was very attractive, damn it. "Good."

In a couple of minutes they were back at her car. Neither one of them seemed to be sure what to do next, so she unlocked it, but didn't make a move to get in.

"Do you want me to drive you back to your hotel?" 

"What? Oh. No, thank you. I'll be fine." He seemed very distracted all of a sudden, like he was looking past her, or just a bit over her head. She turned around, but there was nothing there. Just deep shadows.

"Everything OK?"

"Of course. I just thought I saw something." 

"OK. Well. Good night?"

"Good night." A bit hesitantly, he bent toward her.

He was so tall, she had to almost get on tiptoes to kiss him. It started out light, but they both lingered and it quickly became intense. Not sloppy, do-me-right-here-right-now intense, more like... like there was a lot of feeling under that buttoned-down exterior. They stepped further into each other's space; he was so much bigger than her that his embrace was like being wrapped up in a cloak, and it could have been intimidating but it wasn't, it was warm, it was hot. He ran one hand through her hair and gently cupped the back of her head to pull her closer. Fuck, it was good.

To hell with 8am meetings, she thought. To hell with next time. She deserved some fun.

She pulled away, not far, but far enough to look him in the eye and say, "I think...I think I'd like to take you up on your offer after all."

His hand was still in her hair. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

They got into the car to drive back to his hotel. She fumbled her keys a bit, making them both chuckle in that high-strung way of people who know something's about to happen. As they pulled away, she noticed that Richard was looking back at that same spot.

It was weird—all she could see were shadows.

[quixotic-writer]

Right Through the Very Heart of it

A request sent in by: the lovely @birdgirl1772 !

Summary: A girl’s trip to New York is not what you had in mind for a girl’s trip, a trip to the clubs was also not what you had in mind for your second night in the city. When things begin to spiral out of control, the compassion of two strangers named Joe and Q will change your mind just a bit.

———————————————————

The city that never sleeps: New York, New York. This is the destination of our girl’s trip vote and one I think i’ll probably hate the most. I was the only one that voted against it wanting instead to go to Seattle and just have a relaxing, calm, slow paced trip. Here I am now, shuffling desperately through my luggage to find a dress to wear for a trip to the clubs tonight trying to buy myself more time to mentally prepare myself for this evening’s antics. I tried protesting that as well. I insisted we could opt for something more my speed like a broadway show instead, but Ari and Bella just wouldn’t budge and that I HAVE to go. Clubbing it was for tonight’s activity then I guess. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t just my trip, they deserve their share of activities too.

“Come on girlll, pick a dress so we can gooo!” Bella calls from the couch of the hotel room, already dolled up in her midnight blue skin tight dress, raven black hair curled up in loose waves. Her legs dangled off the arm of the couch and she scrolled through her phone.

“Is it a las vegas extravaganza sparkly red night, or is it a sleek black dress kinda night?” I ask over to Ari who is busy looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. She adjusts her wine red dress and teases at her blond hair. She makes her way over to me and peers over my shoulder as she looks at the two lovely dresses I had in each hand. Her eyes narrow as her gears go in her head.

“Black dress, always made you look super hot. Simple is nice y’know, guys like simple especially in a place where everything is complicated.” I wasn’t really looking to get lucky tonight, just mingle and see if anyone sticks out. I shove the red dress back into my luggage and bring out the black spaghetti strap ruched dress holding it up to get a good look at it. I don’t think I ever got a chance to wear this at home, maybe tonight is a night of trying to be an upgraded version of myself. Ari made a good decision, this was probably more New York speed than the other one. “Now don’t be too long getting ready, the fun is waiting for you!” I roll my eyes and step into the bathroom to get myself all gussied up.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, feeling clean and collected, Ari and Bella’s eyes widen and so did their smiles. I give them a whole 360 spin to show off all the goods I got going. I lacked self confidence, but the energy they had buzzing was enough to get me going.

“Look at you baby girl. If I was a lesbian or a guy, i’d eat you up that’s how good you look.” Bella exclaims.

“Girl I would not want to leave the club without getting your number if I saw you. You look HOT!” Ari chimes in. I feel my confidence soar and I felt a lot better than I did earlier.

“Well, let’s head out then ladies!” The girls hoot and holler as we get our shoes on for the night. Despite the good vibes we had going, deep inside I feel a sense of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I play it off as nerves. It’s been a while since i’ve been able to have fun so i’m determined to have fun tonight, dance with my girls, meet someone, get a little loose. I’ve been so uptight all the time that maybe decompressing and letting go is what my spirit craves and needs.

We walk down the crowded streets of times square, the lights of the signs are so bright it almost seems like it’s still daytime. The streets are packed with people who have somewhere to be, zany street performers doing their thing with swarms of people around them, cars that never stop honking, and people never stop shouting. People kept bumping into me, cat calling after me, and staring. It’s all starting to get a little overwhelming and I feel a sense of dread rising deep in the lowest part of my abdomen and my chest. It all slowly started building and nearly becoming too much for my senses and I tried to ignore the instinct to run back to the hotel room and hide under the covers for the rest of the night.

“Guys? How much farther? Getting a little cramped and anxious here.” I ask as we keep our stride down the side walk, men yelling obscenities to us with a hunger for exotic attention.

“Just another block and around the corner. Don’t get yourself so wound up already, our night is only beginning!” Ari grabs my arm and links it with hers, my feet stumble trying to keep up, but I push forward anyway. Just one good night is all I want.

We finally find the place Ari had been raving about this morning and we stepped inside. Loud music flooded my ears, dim lighting was a change from outside, the seats at the bar are half full, and there are people everywhere chattering away. It seemed like an average bar to me, not sure what there is to rave about like Ari had.

“I need a drink.” I say as I start making a straight shot to the bar. Maybe a drink and a small buzz will help ease my nerves, get me going for the night and keep whatever energy in me alive.

“There’s the party girl we’ve been searching for!” The girls follow me to the bar and we all take a seat, a bar tender with glasses and of seemingly Puerto Rican decent smiles and comes over to get our drinks.

“Back so soon Ari? And I see you brought some friends as well!” He greets us warmly and is already preparing a drink in front of us.

“Of course, last night was fun and I knew I had to bring my girls. Ladies, this is Sal! He runs this ship and sure knows how to make a hell of a drink.” We both smile and introduce ourselves as he slides Ari her drink. “You remembered the drink I got last night? This guy is fucking incredible.” He look proud of himself as he raises his eyebrows and smiles.

“So what can I get for you ladies?”

“Long island iced tea please.” I shoot out immediately, both Ari and Bella turn to look at me shocked. I’m not really one for drinks, let alone some of the stronger ones.

“Damn girl, you’re just diving in aren’t you? If that’s the pace for the night: can I get a screwdriver please.” Sal nods and begins making our drinks. In the meantime I look to others around the bar and I notice Ari had peeled away and wandered off to talk to a guy at the end of the bar with her drink in hand. She has her flirty face on, guess I won’t bother her for the rest of the night.

Sal places my drink in front of me and I take a long sip hoping that the alcohol in this drink will kick in soon. It warms my esophagus as it goes down and I already feel that I might regret this drink later. I sit at the bar and watch silently as Sal and Bella chat away. I was off in my own head trying to block out any bothersome and intrusive negative thoughts. Any thought that came to mind, I took another sip of my drink until I had either drowned the thought out or had nothing else in my glass. I eventually reached a point where I started eating the ice in my glass to sop up whatever alcohol was hiding in there.

“C’mon! Let’s go dance!” Bella grabs me by my arm almost making me bump my empty glass off the counter top. We shuffle over to the open space that was occupied by fellow drunk patrons moving to the music and Bella starts grooving immediately, swaying her hips in smooth motions feeling the rhythm and matching tempo to the tunes that poured into the room. I, on the other hand, tried dancing but I moved in stiff awkward motions, feeling uncomfortable and scared to accidentally bump into anyone around me for fear of it turning into a confrontation.

Before I knew it, Bella had managed to slowly peel away just as Ari had and was off dancing with some other guy and we started drifting away further, and further from each other until I was virtually on my own. I felt sense of regret and dread pounding at my lungs like someone had punched me straight in my sternum and bruised my ribs.

“I don’t belong here.” I say quietly to myself as I stood completely still feeling isolated from the social circle around me. Everything felt like a blur around me, faces seemed like smeared oil paintings, the lights felt brighter than the sun, and the room felt like it was spinning. My lungs felt as though they had stopped working and I was beginning to drown in the warm air of body heat.

“Hey there hottie.” I see a guy start approaching me, already I felt uncomfortable around him. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I wanted space, I wanted to be alone, I wanted out of here. I have a glazed over look in my eyes and he just ignores all signals to shut him down and keeps on pursuing me. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone?” He tries to grab for my hips to dance and make a move, but I quickly bat his hands off of me back away.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” I say defensively and my fight or flight kicks in as I slightly raise my arms should I need to defend myself. My nerve endings feel like they’re on fire and shame washes over me as I realize tonight was a wash and that I just want to go back to the hotel more than anything. I kept denying myself my own comfort and here I am now in a situation I feel as though I can’t escape. A confrontation I feared in a place i’ve never been to began unravelling before me.

“What’s you’re deal psycho? Can’t a guy just dance with a girl?” He raises his voice and steps a little closer to me. I immediately mentally shut down and I felt as though I was dissociating and off on a whole different plane of existence.

“Hey buddy, back off and leave her alone. She’s obviously not interested.” An older looking guy with spiked up gray and white hair steps in and chases the guy off. He turns to me and rolls his eyes. “The nerve of some people. Are you okay? You looked a little anxious and I wanted to make sure you felt safe. Name’s Joe by the way!” He asks with concern riddling his face. I couldn’t speak, my voice felt trapped in my throat and everything around me began overloading all my senses until my legs gave out and I was left on the floor shaking feeling helpless.

Immediately Joe sprung into action dropping to his knees next to me and supporting me up so I didn’t fall back any more. He looks around to the oblivious crowd that felt like walls closing in on me.

“Hey! Hey! Give her some space, back up!” He waves his hands gathering everyone’s attention. The crowd turns to me and immediately part to create a circle of space and safety around me. I hugged all my limbs in tight close to me, I looked around frightened as tears tracked down my face. I felt mortified, I was making a huge scene. “Okay, take a moment breathe, I know someone who can help. Q! get your ass over here, got a situation!” He rests his hands on my shoulder to stable me and it felt warm and I felt solace in it.

l had sealed my eyes shut trying to block out the overwhelming number of faces and eyes on me. When I opened them and looked up again, another guy with short salt and pepper hair, a scruffy beard and mustache, and sleepy looking eyes steps into the ring. I assume he’s Q. He kneels down next to Joe and in front of me. They start talking to each other and I can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but they both occasionally look over to me so I assume Joe is filling him in on my unfortunate circumstance. Once they’re done talking, they both redirect their attention back to me.

“It’s okay, he was a firefighter, he knows how to help.”

“Hey, not trying to be a wise ass but you’re having an anxiety attack right now. What we need to try first is steady your breathing, okay? Take in a slow deep breath through your nostrils, hold it for a couple of seconds, then slowly exhale through your mouth. Let’s do it together.” He removes his jacket and places it on me as he speaks in a calm tone, his eyes never leaving mine. He begins the exercise and I follow as he does, I felt tension inside me slowly begin to release. Joe never left my side through the whole process, he speaks calmly repeating over and over “steady, steady. you’re doing great.” and other sweet messages as he lightly rubs up and down my back providing father like comfort to me.

“Okay, now that you’re breathing is a little more steady, let’s get you grounded. Tell me some of your favorite things, anything. A place, colors, flowers, just keep going okay. It’ll help distract your mind.” I nod as I was finally able to catch my breath.

“Carnations are my favorite flower... I love spring time... Royal blue is my favorite color with lavender being right under it... My favorite animal is a jellyfish because they look pretty...” I continue listing things and it helps take my mind off of everything that just happened as I try and think of the next thing to add to my list. Soon the sense of panic that was pounding in my chest eased away. The moment I feel 100% better again, I finish off my list. Q smiles to me and so does Joe.

“You did great. Are you feeling well enough to get back up on your feet?” He outstretches his hand and I take his hand. He lifts me back up to my feet and he walks me over to the bar. Everyone else around us went about their business as though I didn’t freak out at all. “Maybe stay away from alcohol for the rest of the night, stick to water. Sal! A water for the pretty lady!” Joe slides a small stack of napkins to me.

“I’m not trying to be rude sweetie, you just cried a bit and I want you to be able to touch yourself up.” He gives a soft smile. I take the napkins and wipe up underneath my eyes. When I look at the napkins I see all my makeup wiped up on it, most of which was some mascara that seemed to stream off my eyes. Sal places a glass of water in front of me and looks me in my eyes with the same look of concern Joe and Q had given me during my break down.

“Where’d your friends go? You doing okay?” He asked leaning over the bar.

“Don’t know where they are, but I think I made some new ones.” I say smiling to the men that surrounded me. “Thanks for helping me out, I don’t even know what happened.”

“It was the right thing to do, I wasn’t gonna let some random guy harass a woman who was clearly not comfortable with him. I’d be pissed if someone did that to my wife or daughter.” Joe says with a slight twinge of anger in that last sentence.

“You needed help, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all need a little help sometimes.” Q says raising his own glass of water to his statement. I smile and awkwardly chuckle as I raise my glass with him.

The rest of my night was spent with Joe, Q, and Sal (when he wasn’t serving drinks). We talked the whole night away about why I ended up on a trip to New York, I talked about my home town and they talked about Staten Island being theirs, and childhood stories and tales from adulthood were shared as well. It was simple, sober, clean fun. It was all I really wanted from tonight.

Joe eventually left to go home, I bid him farewell and gave him a great big hug. Q and I were left at the bar to continue chatting away, and I gotta say, he was really charming and dare I say kind of cute. We laughed together for what felt like forever and I didn’t want it to end. To think, just an hour or so ago, I just wanted to be in the hotel bed watching shitty movies by myself. All good things must come to an end though, as it started getting a little late, my eyes grew a bit heavy. It eventually became too much to ignore and it wasn’t in my agenda to fall asleep in a bar I just had an anxiety attack in.

“I think I should head back to my hotel room and call it a night. That anxiety attack really wiped me out.” I let out a small yawn.

“Let me drive you back then, I don’t want you taking a cab alone or walking the streets this late at night.”

“You’re not like an axe murderer are you?” I joke with him.

“No I am not. I’m too stupid to get away with murder anyway.” He retorts back.

“Well I just don’t want you going out of your way...” I felt bad, I had burdened him enough with having to deal with my anxiety debacle.

“It’s no problem, let’s get you the hell out of here.” We both say our good bye’s too Sal and head out to find Q’s car. We finally stumble upon the cherry red jeep and I feel surprised to see it. “Are you judging my vehicle choice?” He cocks his eyebrows and smiles.

“It’s just such a loud color for such a seemingly calm and soft guy.” I tease. We hop in and headed out on the road. It was a short ride but it also felt long because of how tired I was. I leaned against the frame of the window, resting my head feeling the sleepiness slowly starting to take more and more control. Q tried helping me out by blasting some up beat music and giving me a special performance by singing along to all the tracks. He was just too cute.

When we reached the hotel, he parked the car and hopped out with me and took his time to walk me all the way back to my room. It’s small gestures that mean the world to me and that show that someone cares, and Q was clearly someone who cares. It felt crazy and in my head all I wanted to spend more time with him. We reach the front of my door and I turn to him and smile as I rub the sleep from my eyes trying to stay coherent for just a little longer.

“I can’t thank you enough for tonight.” I say bashfully as I hug my arms around my body. It was then I remembered something: “Oh my god, i’m sorry I still have your jacket!” I start frantically removing it but he stops me.

“Keep it for now, gives me an excuse to see you again. Which, speaking of...” He brings his phone out from his pocket and hands it to me. “If you don’t mind, i’d love to get to talk to you more and maybe see you again while you’re here. I had a great time tonight.” I gladly take his phone and input all my information. I see as he watches with a big grin on his face. I hand him back his phone and unlock my room door.

“Thank you again, Q.” I say softly. I caress his face and bring it in placing a tiny kiss on his cheek.

“Not even on the lips?” He jokes.

“Give’s you something to look forward to.” I wink at him and I see his face tint pink. “Get home safely.” I say as I begin to retreat into the room.

“I’ll message you tomorrow. Good night!” We both smile to each other and I head inside. I cover my face with my hands, smiling into them as my heart explodes with joy. I throw myself onto the bed and stare at the ceiling as fireworks go off in my head. For such a shitty night, it was the best i’ve had in a while.

[countrygrlswrld]

Watch yourself. Challenge yourself.

Last week I wrote a 1,000-word blog about why people should quit FB. As I wrote it, I thought, I probably shouldn’t post this high-horsed rant, but I was going to anyhow.

That evening, my book about friendship focused on speaking the truth in love and sometimes just not speaking at all. It said that sometimes the things we invest in—some of which might be bad habits or unhealthy behaviors—might not be about “willfulness,” but instead about “wounds or unmet emotional needs.”

More importantly for me, it addressed the phrase “watch yourselves” in Galatians 6:1: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves or you also may be tempted.” Of course, I’m not at all saying social media is a sin; instead, what I’m saying is that I’m the one with issues [the book I’m reading is, after all, called “All My Friends Have Issues: Building Remarkable Relationships with Imperfect People (Like Me)”]. **Italics emphasis mine.

As the author explains, “watch yourselves” points to the fact that “I am much more likely to succumb to the temptation of pride and judgmentalism…when I bring up an issue I see as a problem, I have to be very careful to stay humble and not try to control how (someone does or does not) take my advice.”

God was definitely talking to me. I knew it...but I figured I’d run it by my husband just to be sure (even though, deep down I already knew what he was going to say).

“You shouldn’t post this,” he said. And, I knew he was right. Instead of getting mad or offended, I told him it was going straight to the Rants folder. That was that.

“That” has been a long time in the making. “That” did not happen overnight. If you know me well enough then you know I am prideful and err on the side of outspoken, and lately—like many of us—wildly opinionated. But, what I’m learning very slowwwwwly is that our opinions don’t always need to be shared (contrary to what social media leads us to believe).

In Bob Goff’s book “Love Does,” he talks about how as a believer, I am not “here to build consensus”—I am here to build a kingdom.

Ouch. Talk about conviction. My heart just stuck its tail between its legs.

So, instead of preaching about the evils of FB, I’m going to practice encouragement! How about that sweet half-FULL glass of lemonade??

I want to encourage you by sharing my personal challenge last week and by urging you to choose your own challenge in the coming week or month.

Last week while Spanky was gone pheasant hunting in South Dakota, I decided I was going to try to hang out with a different girlfriend all six days that he was gone. Success! I hung out with seven! I hate to even call it a “challenge” because it was so fun and rewarding, but I have to admit that female relationships are not easy for me. I have a lot of scars from past friendships, but I’m also more of an introvert than I like to think or admit. I recharge by being alone: drawing, running or listening to podcasts on a hike or walk. My husband is the one who recharges by being around people 24-7. It’s easy for me to hole up in my RV for a week doing my own thing and not seeing a soul, but again—should we always do what’s easy? Let me hear it in the back! NO!

So, I scheduled a “play date” every day last week and dug deeper into my relationships, many of which are in their early blooming stages. Nothing will bloom unless it is watered and nurtured though, so I set off with that in mind.

Aside from hanging out with girlfriends, Spank and I hosted his cousin Jared last week after Spank’s hunting trip—the two actually flew in on the same plane from Seattle. We took Jared to our favorite restaurants that have stayed open through all of the madness, road tripped our beloved Highway 49 and all the old gold mining towns, and stopped for wine at Binz to sip their new releases and get a hug from Virgie, who runs the winery with her winemaker husband Gordon (Virgie gives the best hugs!) The boys rounded out the weekend by finding gold (Jared got to take an almost-quarter-ouncer home! There’s a little incentive to visit us!) Besides that, Jared said California was “not at all what he expected” i.e. more rebels and less beaches/Hollywood.

[rainydawgradioblog]

My Clown Claude

Tucked away in the hidden levels of Pike Place lies a treasure chest of sorts, one you would experience only in dreams (or nightmares). A sweet elderly man welcomes you to The Antique Touch, where miles upon miles of vintage salt and pepper shakers smile both kindly and eerily. It is here I experienced love at first sight, an authentic Seattle meet cute. A lone clown, without a pepper shaker clown to call his own, drew me in. I immediately purchased this mystical joker and gave him a home on my windowsill, among my everlasting flowers and disco ball light. Named French by a british boy, Claude is the light that keeps me going during these rainy Seattle days. This blog post is dedicated to him, and the music he would listen to if his ears weren’t made of porcelain. Claude, if you’re alive and move around my room in the twilight hours, I hope you know I love you and your cute little burnt Sienna cheeks.

“Fifty-fifty Clown” - Cocteau Twins

Ignoring the Claude related pun, Cocteau Twins never fail to impress with their tantalizing rhythms and rhymes (on the rare occasion one can actually understand what Elizabeth Fraser is saying). “Fifty-fifty Clown” immediately draws listeners in, with a hypnotizing beat and a synth effect throughout the song that sounds as sweet as candy. I imagine Claude listening to this as he puts his makeup on before a night out on the town, or while driving late at night through the PNW. As for us living beings, “Fifty-fifty Clown” (and the majority of Cocteau Twins hits) is a song for dancing, crying, loving, or simply staring at the ceiling for an undisclosed amount of time.

“Nightcall” - Kavinsky

“Nightcall” begins with the sound of coins clinking together inside a telephone booth. As a person makes a call, a wolf howls in the back, and all at once Kavinsky’s atmosphere engulfs us with a sticky, tangy, mind bending groove. With the help of Lovefoxxx’s voice, this track creates a dreamy, almost supernatural world in the span of 4 minutes and 18 seconds. Claude would listen to this track as he was driving away from a late-night robbery gone wrong, with tears in his eyes and money in the backseat. You can listen to this track while you dance in your room and reminisce about your pre-pandemic life, as I do about eight times a week.

“Heavy Wave” - Motorama

Off Motorama’s 2015 album Poverty, “Heavy Wave” brings a taste of summer to the usual dark feels that surround Russian new wave/post punk music. Frontman Vladislav Parshin’s dulcet and phantom-like voice leaves listeners in a head bopping trance, while the accompanying bass line adds a steady beat throughout the entire ditty. Claude would listen to this song while he was folding his laundry on a breezy summer day, reminiscing about the lover he left behind in Italy. For non-clowns, this tune is perfect for the ephemeral moment in day when the sun is released from behind the grey Seattle clouds and everything feels a little more okay.

“Fade To Grey” - Visage

I discovered this song while watching the fantastic Xavier Dolan film, Laurence Anyways. I’ve linked the exact moment it’s used in the movie so folks can see how brilliant it is! What can I say? The buildup throughout “Fade To Grey” is genius, and the addition of French lyrics by Brigitte Arens makes it even more layered and spellbinding. Claude would listen to this song while at a badass 80s dance party, and you can listen to it whenever you want to feel like the main character.

“The Chauffeur” - Duran Duran

Wish I was exaggerating when I say I have listened to “The Chauffeur” 40 times a day this past week. I can’t place a finger on what my infatuation stems from- is it the otherworldly beat? The Ocarina riff? The quintessential lyrics? Or is it the fact that all three of these things make me feel like I’m floating in the astral plane each time I listen? Whatever it may be, this is easily my favorite song as of late, and I hope it can find a home on one of your playlists as well. Since Claude lives in my room, he would listen to this song from the top to the bottom of the day, most likely because I’ve forced him to.

“Reflektor” - Arcade Fire

A stunner from Montreal natives Arcade Fire, “Reflektor” features a french pre-chorus from Régine Chassagne and backing vocals from the one and only David Bowie. Accompanied by the heavy synth and rhythm throughout the entire song, this hit feels like a metallic grey spaceship from another world. There’s tons of interpretations to this song and instead of giving my own take, I encourage you all to give it a listen and make it mean whatever you want it to. Claude would listen to this song while on psychedelics as he saw his clown friend’s face melt away, and you can do the same! Cheers!

“Vanessa” - Grimes

Easily my favorite Grimes song, “Vanessa” is a dreamy ballad about the pains of loving. The repeated chorus reminds me of “Nobody” by Mitski, minus the emotional breakdown. Instead, Grimes seems to become more and more apathetic about their situation throughout the song, and their voice almost blends into the synth beat by the end. Claude would listen to this song while getting over a breakup, and you can listen to it while ignoring the fact that Grimes is married to Elon Musk (???).

“Mai” - Videoclub

Since Claude is a French name, it was only natural for me to feature a song from French teen duo Videoclub. Even for people sans Francais, “Mai” offers a candied background melody for any daily activity. My favorite line would have to be “Me nourrir uniquement de la nuit et de ses défauts, et de sa folie” which roughly translates to “Feed myself only of the night, of its flaws and of its madness.”, which is pure beauty. Claude would listen to this song on a train to Paris, and you can listen to it on the bus or light rail whilst staring out the window and pretending you’re in a music video.

“The Upstairs Room” - The Cure

A hidden B-side gem from The Cure, “The Upstairs Room” features the iconic Cure sound with classic Robert Smith lyrics. Fun, simple, sweet, “The Upstairs Room” is a reliable tune for any time of the day (or night). Claude would listen to this song in the middle of a midlife crisis as he shaves his head in his roommate’s bathroom. You can listen to this song while doing the same activity, or to fuel your motivation whilst writing term papers late at night that are due in twenty minutes (I can vouch from personal experience that it does work!).

“Melody (1983 Radio Version)” - Plustwo

This might possibly be one of the most addictive songs I have ever heard. From Italo-disco band Plustwo, “Melody” is a reliable hit for the times you feel nostalgic over Euroraves and disco balls. The four members' voices weave in and out of each other throughout the song in perfect harmony, never overlapping others or becoming too overbearing. Claude would listen to this song at three in the morning after seven cups of coffee, and you can listen to it to groove with friends at a safe six feet distance.

I hope Claude and I were able to introduce you to some new songs and I hope you enjoyed getting to know him through this post. If I ever catch Claude moving around in the wee hours of the night, Rainy Dawg Blawg will be the first to know.

Till next time! - Naomi Zamarripa

[spookyrobbins]

agree with you on the plane crash. they were trying to do too much. made it impossible for them to give each storyline the attention they deserved, especially arizona’s. i’ll never understand how nobody noticed she needed serious help.

what do you think would’ve happened had callie returned to seattle while arizona and carina were dating?

i can only assume callie returns to seattle as part of her apology tour/to move back to seattle bc nyc crashed and burned and i can’t imagine she’d be particularly mellow about carina.

for starters, i bet callie would come back to seattle and expect to start again with arizona. maybe not same day, but at least start down that pathway. and i think callie (rightfully) thought arizona never got over her so carina would be a major shock. i don’t think carina would stress her out as much as eliza would but it really would be the first time callie’s seeing arizona date and that would be jarring.

callie would come in with a lot of bluster but then would lose a lot of that energy as she has to sort of reestablish herself in seattle and didn’t exactly leave everyone on the best terms. and arizona, for all her grace, might not be thrilled that callie put them all through that for what ended up being only a few months. so callie who’s kind of on the outs with everyone and has to claw her way back into everyone’s good graces.

carina i think would be just amused by callie more than anything else. i’ve always thought carina knew at some point that arizona was never going to be serious about her and that it was bc of callie but she also did really like arizona and was slightly willing to overlook that. and she’d know that callie coming back to seattle basically dooms their relationship but that doesn’t mean she can’t have fun in the meantime.

i’d say carina and arizona could kind of make it work for maybe about a month and half of callie being back in seattle. and callie who’s made a conscious effort not to date and offering flexible custody arrangements and suggesting family dinners and kind of doing a lot of the things they did before the whole penny drama. and arizona who is tentative but also pretty charmed by callie. bc callie’s the one who wants to try again and callie’s the one making an effort. but also arizona doesn’t want to just roll over and so admittedly she’s kind of using carina to make callie jealous bc it’s one of the first times she’s had any power.

i could see the carizona break up going one of two ways: either carina essentially calling arizonas bluff and forcing her to make a choice or carina telling arizona she likes her but arizonas in love with someone else and leaving

[brn1029]

Get those tin foil hats ready to go!

The 10 greatest conspiracy theories in rock

By Emma Johnston

In a world where fake news runs rampant, rock'n'roll is not immune to the lure of the conspiracy theory. These are 10 of the most ludicrous

Conspiracy theories, myths and legends have existed in rock’n’roll for as long as the music has existed, stretching all the way back to bluesman Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil at the crossroads in exchange for superhuman guitar skills, fame and fortune.

There are those who believe Elvis Presley and Jim Morrison live on, others who think the Illuminati control the world through symbolism in popular culture, and plenty of evangelical types with their own agendas trawling rock and metal songs for secret messages luring the innocent to the dark side.

Let us take a look, then, at rock’n’roll conspiracy theories ranging from the intriguing to the ludicrous, as we try to separate the truth from the codswallop.

Lemmy was in league with the Illuminati

Few men have ever been earthier than Lemmy, but one conspiracy theorist claims that the Motorhead legend didn’t really die in December 2015, instead “ascending into the heavenly realm” after making a “blood sacrifice pact” with the Illuminati.

A “watcher” of the mythical secret society some believe are running the world – despite evidence that is at best flimsy, at worst straight from The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown’s discarded notebooks – told the Daily Star: “Lemmy signed up for the ultimate pact – he signed his soul to the devil in order to achieve fame and fortune.”

While we can only imagine what the great man would have to say on the matter, there’s one word, in husky, JD-soaked tones, that we can just about make out coming across from the other side: “Bollocks.”

Paul McCartney died in 1966

As you might expect from the most famous band that has ever existed, there are enough crackpot theories about The Beatles to fill the Albert Hall. From John Lennon’s murder being ordered by the US government, who, led by Richard Nixon, suspected him of communism (the FBI actually did have a file on Lennon, but the story is spiced up by the man behind murderlennontruth.com, who apparently believes author Steven King was involved due to, uh, looking a bit like Mark Chapman) to Canadian prog outfit Klaatu being the Fab Four in disguise, there are plenty of tall tales more colourful than a Ringo B-side.

The most enduring, though, is the notion dreamt up by some US radio DJs that Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike. They came to this conclusion having studied the cover of Abbey Road – McCartney’s bare feet on the zebra crossing apparently symbolising death, while others found “evidence” in the album’s opaque lyrics. There were a lot of drugs in the 60s.

Gene Simmons has a cow’s tongue

It’s easy to see why all kinds of far-fetched stories sprung up when Kiss first took off in the 1970s. The fake-blood-spitting, the fire, the demon-superhero personas – middle America clutched its pearls and word spread that these otherworldly weirdos’ moniker stood for Knights In Satan’s Service. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

It was Gene Simmons’ preposterous mouth that got the nation’s less voluminous tongues wagging though. So long and pointy is his appendage, and so often waggled at his audiences (whether they asked for it or not), that eventually the rumour spread around the world’s playgrounds was that he’d had a cow’s tongue grafted onto his own. The bovine baloney is, of course, bullshit, but Simmons has admitted it's one of his favourite Kiss urban myths.

Supertramp predicted 9/11

The Logical Song may be Supertramp’s calling card, but one man in the US stretches common sense to the limit having come to the conclusion that the artwork for their 1979 album Breakfast In America gave prior warning of the terrorist attacks on New York on September 11, 2001.

Look at the album cover – painted from the perspective of a window on a flight into the city – in a mirror, and the ‘u’ and ‘p’ band’s name appears to become a 911 floating above the twin towers, while a logo on the back features a plane flying towards the World Trade Center.

So far, so coincidental, but when our intrepid investigator falls down a rabbit hole of Masonic interference, strained Old Testament connections (“The Great Whore of Babylon – Super Tramp”), and the title Breakfast In America reflecting the fact that the planes crashed early in the morning, things get really tenuous.

It’s fair to say it’s unlikely a British prog-pop band had prior knowledge of the terrorist attacks 22 years before they happened. But maybe Al Qaida were really big fans.

Stevie Wonder can see

Stevie Wonder is a genius. That fact is not up for dispute. The soul/jazz/funk/rock/pop legend was born six weeks prematurely in 1950, and the oxygen used in the hospital incubator to stabilise him caused him to go blind shortly afterwards. But his love of front-row seats at basketball games, the evocative imagery in his songs, and the fact that he once effortlessly caught a falling mic stand knocked over by Paul McCartney (who, let us reiterate, did not die in 1966) has caused basement Jessica Fletchers to muse that he’s faking his blindness as part of the act.

Wonder himself, a known prankster, has great fun with his status as one of the world’s most famous vision-impaired musicians. In 1973, he told Rolling Stone: “I’ve flown a plane before. A Cessna or something, from Chicago to New York. Scared the hell out of everybody.”

Dave Grohl invented Andrew W.K.

When Andrew W.K. first broke through in the early 2000s, dressed in white and covered in blood, his mission was serious in its simplicity: the party is everything. He took his message of having a good time, all the time, to levels of political fervour. But rumours of his authenticity have been doing the rounds from the start.

Reviewing WK’s first UK show at The Garage in London, The Guardian’s Alexis Petridis wrote: “One music-biz conspiracy theory currently circulating suggests that Andrew W.K. is an elaborate hoax devised by former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl.”

As time went on, the theory gained traction – Grohl was believed to be the mysterious Steev Mike credited on the debut album I Get Wet. And as W.K.’s style changed over subsequent records, and his own admission that there were legal arguments over who owns his name, whispers began that he wasn’t even a real person – he was a character, played by several different actors, an attempt to create the ultimate Frankenstein’s frontman.

"I'm not the same guy that you may have seen from the I Get Wet album," W.K. said in 2008. “I don't just mean that in a philosophical or conceptual way, it's not the same person at all. Do I look the same as that person?" The jury is out, but if this is a great white elephant concocted just for the sheer hell of it, we kind of want this one to be true.

Jimi Hendrix was murdered by his manager

An early victim of the 27 club, the death of Jimi Hendrix was depressingly cliched for a man so wildly creative: a bellyful of barbiturates led to him asphyxiating on his own vomit, according to the post-mortem. But in the years following the grim discovery at the Samarkand Hotel in London on 19 September 1970, a different theory was offered by the guitarist’s former roadie, James “Tappy” Wright.

In his book Rock Roadie, Wright claims Hendrix was murdered by his manager, Michael Jeffery, who he says force-fed his charge red wine and pills. The motive? He feared he was about to be fired and was keen to cash in on the star’s life insurance. One thing we do know for certain is Jeffery won’t be able to give his version of events, as he was killed in a plane crash over France in 1973.

The 50th anniversary of Hendrix's tragic passing was "celebrated" with the release of Hendrix and the Spook, a documentary that "explored" his death further and was described by The Guardian as "a cheaply made mix of interviews and dumbshow dramatic recreations by actors scuttling about flimsy sets in gloomy lighting." Sounds good.

Courtney killed Kurt

Courtney Love is no stranger to demonisation from Nirvana fans. When Hole’s second album, the searing, catchy, feminist, witty, aggressive, vulnerable and unflinchingly honest Live Through This was released, days after Kurt Cobain’s death, rumours almost immediately started up that Love’s late husband wrote the songs. That was insulting and sexist enough, but nowhere near as damaging as the conspiracy theory that Love hired a hitman to kill Cobain amid rumours they were about to divorce.

After Cobain’s first attempt to take his own life in Rome, the Nirvana frontman was eventually convinced to go to rehab following an intervention by his wife and friends. He ran away from the facility, and the private investigator hired by Love to find him, Tom Grant, eventually became the source of the idea that Love and the couple’s live-in nanny Michael Dewitt were responsible for Cobain’s death shortly afterwards.

His claims, made in the Soaked In Bleach documentary, include the notion that Cobain had too much heroin in his system to pull the trigger of the shotgun, and that he believed the suicide note was forged.

People close to Cobain (and the Seattle Police Department) have refuted the theory, including Nirvana manager Danny Goldberg: “It’s ridiculous. He killed himself. I saw him the week beforehand, he was depressed. He tried to kill himself six weeks earlier, he’d talked and written about suicide a lot, he was on drugs, he got a gun. Why do people speculate about it? The tragedy of the loss is so great people look for other explanations. I don’t think there’s any truth at all to it."

The CIA wrote The Scorpions’ biggest hit

Previously synonymous with leather, hard rock anthems and some very questionable album artwork, West Germany’s Scorpions scored big with Wind Of Change, a power ballad heralding the oncoming fall of the USSR, the end of the Cold War, and a new sense of hope in the Eastern Bloc.

In a podcast named after the 1990 song, though, Orwell Prize-winning US journalist Patrick Radden Keefe follows rumours from within the intelligence community that the song was actually written by the CIA, as propaganda to hasten the fall of the ailing Soviet Union via popular culture.

“Soviet officials had long been nervous over the free expression that rock stood for, and how it might affect the Soviet youth,” Keefe is quoted as saying. “The CIA saw rock music as a cultural weapon in the cold war. Wind of Change was released a year after the fall of the Berlin Wall, and became this anthem for the end of communism and reunification of Germany. It had this soft-power message that the intelligence service wanted to promote.”

It's a convincing theory, but one that is disputed by Scorpions frontman Klaus Meine: “I thought it was very amusing and I just cracked up laughing. It’s a very entertaining and really crazy story but like I said, it’s not true at all. Like you American guys would say, it’s fake news."

There are satanic messages in Stairway To Heaven

The great comedian Bill Hicks had something to say about people searching for evidence of devilry in rock’n’roll: “Remember this shit, if you play certain rock albums backwards there'd be satanic messages? Let me tell you something, if you're sitting round your house playing your albums backwards, you are Satan. You needn't look any further. And don't go ruining my stereo to prove a point either.”

The memo didn’t get through to televangelist and stylus ruiner Paul Crouch, who in 1982 attempted to scare the Christian right into believing Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven was stuffed with demonic meaning, and that played backwards it revealed the following message: “Here’s to my sweet Satan/The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan/He will give those with him 666/There was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan.”

Guitarist Jimmy Page, of course, is no stranger to the esoteric, making no secret of his interest in occultist Aleister Crowley and the attendant magick, and there were even rumours the band made a Faustian pact to achieve fame and fortune. But hiding messa