#midlife reflection

[parwatisingari]

From YOLO to Oh-No

Life’s Chaotic Climb and Spiritual U-Turns Life’s Rollercoaster: From Childlike Dreams to Midlife Crises and Beyond When we’re kids, life seems limitless. At 18, as we step onto the threshold of adulthood, we are handed this invisible badge that says, Welcome to Adulthood, Now Figure It Out. Expectations multiply faster than WhatsApp groups during wedding season, and while the world is brimming…

[mkaneshige]

Mark's Musings #50

Little things done well make the big things happen.

[whoblewboobear]

I love calling Jace old bc technically speaking even if he’s in his 50s he’d probably look and feel like he’s in his 30s meanwhile Porter is maybe late 40s, younger than Jace for sure, but with his shorter lifespan he just looks a little older than him. I think porter definitely feels his age too especially before taking ambrosia.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Worst Guy Ever - Also, Unfortunately, Very Homosexual Convo. (subtextually)

[bloomberrypint]

Thinking about what a hignfy movie could be

[hallow138]

#summertime #missingyou #hike #explore #nature #outdoors #trees #woods #forest #tahoenationalforest #sierrabuttes #lostsierra #sierranevada #lake #reflections #mountains #landscape #midlife #forties #mentalhealth #alltrails #solo #solitude #california #roadtrip #daytrip #misomaniac #views (at Volcano Lake Sierra City, Ca) https://www.instagram.com/p/Coz52X_pSYc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[toovaeloe]

this art is so beautiful and gorgeous I looked at it and I crumpled into a million pieces

Going towards south 🏖️

[bruxbea]

idk if our last Dark Urge run was bugged or not (they never once did the Matt Berry "FATHER" dialogues when being character selected) but this time poor Dirge Lark is sure going through it..

love the idea that this decent sized group of fairly capable thinkers collectively went "Hey so the short one muttering to herself in the corner, should we bother to inform her we've elected her our leader or should we just, idk, see if she picks up on social cues?"

[voguegenics]

The New Fun: Staying In vs. Going Out at 50

Remember when going out used to be fun? Yeah, me too... but that was 20 years ago. Now, between the loud music, the hangovers that last for days, and the effort it takes to get dressed, I’d rather be home in my sweats by 9 p.m. 😴

Remember when going out was the highlight of the week? You’d get ready like you were preparing for a magazine cover shoot, stay out until dawn, and somehow, miraculously, roll into work the next day with a cup of coffee and a smile. Those were the days, weren’t they? But now, as a woman in my 50s, going out just isn’t what it used to be, and I’ve been trying to figure out why. Spoiler alert: it’s…

[modelonegro]

Farewell to Denver

To the city of Denver, As I prepare to depart, I find myself reflecting on our shared journey and the broader tapestry of humanity woven through your streets. Denver, our relationship has been a dance of wonder and dissonance. The towering Rockies have been silent witnesses to our harmony and our missteps. Described as a rugged jewel drawing Americans westward with promises of opportunity, you…

[attictrollsidenityquest]

Self Discovery after Catastrophe

There seems to a be a small trend for women of my generation to experience a major traumatic event (Divorce, death of a spouse, end of career etc.) that totally levels existing identities leading to a need for reanalyzing foundational beliefs. After it happened to me I noticed many creators on social media and others in my community were experiencing a similar pattern. TikTok seemed to be a good place to find them.

So in the past 2ish years my beliefs and identity conceptions have dramatically changed. I was a non practicing Christian that feared hell too much to reevaluate my religious indoctrination, a straight identifying CIS woman in a marriage to a CIS man for 15 years, and a centrist democrat. I was too invested in my own personal equilibrium for any of that to change much if at all, though I had questioned much of it in a casual way. The sudden, traumatic passing of my husband served as a catalyst for literally all of it to be reevaluated.

I do not believe the trauma actually caused much real change in these aspects of my self, rather it caused me to critically examine myself and discover a great many parts of my inner self. It also served to break down or destroy the false personas I had adopted in order to better suit the expectations of others or in response to social conditioning. For example, I was socially trained from an early age that I should be straight and the option to be anything else simply did not exist, so since I now realize I am attracted to many portions of the gender spectrum, it was natural for me in childhood to foster and pursue an attraction to men and ignore or misinterpret any other attractions I felt. The same pressures dictated how I viewed my gender presentation, since I now identify as genderfluid, my desire to express masculine traits interpreted as a tomboy phase that needed to be outgrown. ]

After the event, I first began seeking to understand my spiritual beliefs due to a need to form a solid belief of the afterlife, the nature of the soul, and souls purpose. This search for spiritual truth naturally was almost immediately focused into an exploration of the my true self, integrating my shadow, and a better understanding of my inner wants and needs. Deconstruction of my evangelical christian beliefs eventually led to what I would consider deconversion from traditional christianity. As a child of around 10 I had realized that some of the foundational beliefs that were taught to me as absolute truth didnt stand up to logic or moral standards as I saw them, leaving me in a kind of spiritual limbo where I acknowledge that they aren't truth but was unable to totally discard them due to the fear indoctrination of hell doctrine. Essentially, I pushed these logical holes and problems into a box and refused to think about them for over a decade, avoiding cognitive dissonance discomfort by just never allowing myself to examine anything beyond face value.

Once I began deconstruction of my remaining religious beliefs I naturally needed to renegotiate my views on a great many things in society and politics. I had already been on the left and this reconsideration moved me quite a but further in that direction. Reevaluating my feelings on other societal issues that are not closely tied to religion happened naturally at this point simply due to the process putting me into a more open minded state. I was more willing to honestly examine how things like capitalism vs socialism, the plight of marginalized groups in the US, US foreign policy, climate issues, and the extent of corporate corruption in government. It may have helped that I was never truly indoctrinated to dismiss such issues in the same way that others were around me.

Finally being able to sever those stubborn indoctrinated beliefs led to a domino effect of honest openminded reconsideration that has now resulted in me becoming a drastically different person. I also contend that the person I am now is much closer to the truth of my soul and committed to my principles. I feel that I am a much more morally guided person now. Many might see that as ironic I think.

The purpose of this blog is to record the process of refining my understanding of these formerly hidden or rejected parts of me, or my shadows if you will, and possibly connecting with others who might be able to relate. I am certain that this drastic renegotiation of self is not an uncommon occurrence and that there is much value in hearing about the journeys of others. While I have access to thus through the TikTok app it seems that may not always be the case and the Tumblr community has always been one that I enjoyed. I particularly wish to hear from parents who resonate with any or all of this stuff about ways they have navigated this with thier children. Ultimately, even if I am not able to connect with anyone who understands, the act of blogging about my experience has plenty of value for me as well.

SO......anyone else??? Mid-30s identity crisis anyone? feeling like the you from just a year ago is almost a total stranger? Learning about your own gender identity and sexuality well into adulthood? Learning what those different expressions and relationships might look like for you? Recovering from narcissistic abuse patters at the same time? Actively exploring different faith paths searching for the answers? or maybe generally feel like the past few years in society has rocked your metaphorical shit??

We should form a guild or something. :-)

[thisisstillme]

Reflect, Refresh, Reset: Findings from February

February whizzed by in its usual whirlwind fashion, didn’t it? It feels like just last week, we were waving goodbye to January, and now here we are, welcoming spring with open arms. As I sit down to reflect on the past month, I can’t help but feel like I’m scrambling to remember what exactly I did. My few scribbled notes have me wondering, “What the hell did I get up to in February?” But let’s…

[mkaneshige]

A Writer's Influence

A writer’s influenceupon their readerscan be exponentialTheir words can take rootin impressionable mindsand thenblossom intodreams and hopes

[kat-soop]

Sadness.

[simplyhealing]

When you date someone, find out about their health, what works or doesn’t work. What offers them relief, increases flare ups or find out how to figure those things out with them. There’s nothing more than knowing someone but also not knowing someone, what may be causing riffs in the connection could be a mere unknowing of how their conditions effect their entire person day to day. Things like sickle cell, hidradenitis, diabetes, anemia, traumatic brain injuries, ptsd, or neurological disorders etc. can all change a person in a crisis/flare up or in the aftermath. Not only does the individual have to accept and deal with all of their changes they are also trying to be considerate of how this effects you and most often it can become an 24/7 worry and they may need time to themselves because they can’t explain how it makes them feel or how they feel so different from other people you have experiences of in your life.

Another big thing, any hormone therapy/treatment even birth control. They can cause some great frustration in relationships and may even have you making decisions or acting on impulses you may not normally or ever do (from personal experience/experience of close loved ones)

At the end of the day… a simple check in, compliment/reassurance, show interest in their projects/hobbies, complete not compete, “what did you eat today”, “How are you feeling in words other than happy/sad etc.” “what are WE doing for dinner”, “WE’LL figure it out” can remind someone that they still have to be present with themselves, they can acknowledge how they feel in a safe space, and using words like WE can help calm them when they try to take on everything by themselves.

It takes a team. If you don't have one, be one for yourself but ensure that you get one. Despite differences, we’re all in this together.

[thinkfeelwrite]

The Misery Part 2

Watching the tall grasses that are weeds move in the breeze. Watching the trains pass. Hearing the trains pass. Watching the crows flying from one point to another. Watching the sunlight through the branches of the apple tree. Watching the insect fall on to the keyboard and walk across the letters. Watching the maize plants as they grow. There are hundreds of them. Hearing the pigs in the shed, screeching as they do. There are a thousand pigs. Watching another train on its way to London. Feeling the sun. Feeling the breeze. Hearing the motorway, like a constant vibration of dull sound. Feeling the chill. Watching the oak tree grow. Looking at the yellow of the buttercup and the green of the grass. Fearing the nettles.

Hearing the silence. Feeling the silence. Knowing the silence.

Feeling the space. The empty space.