#microaggressions in everyday life

[peridot-tears]

Hey MDZS fandom. I want you guys to be careful interacting with this person.

If you don't already know, Chinese people have had a long history with cultural erasure when it comes to taking on English-language names. It started with imperialism, and continues as a way to "assimilate" and avoid mockery of our language in western countries.

For Chinese diaspora like myself, it's another form of racism we face, to the point where some of us are reclaiming our names in everyday life. Here's an article about this movement happening across Asian diasporas in the United States -- just to name one instance out of many.

The responses to this post reflect that:

You can see that my comment assumed "good faith." However, OP deleted these comments and blocked me. (That didn't stop other people from calling it out as well, though I have to assume that if OP was so offended by my comment, the next few people will receive the same treatment.)

I honestly didn't like whipping up the diaspora statement -- that I wrote with multiple Chinese diaspora fans of MDZS, all of us hailing from multiple different countries and backgrounds, our ancestry coming from completely different regions of China -- because it meant that we were encountering another microaggression.

If you ever wonder why MDZS and danmei fandoms in general seem to be so bereft of Chinese diaspora voices, that's absolutely because of these microaggressions: Someone makes a joke, writes a story, writes some meta, that is culturally ignorant at best, offensive and harmful at worst, and when we gently correct them, explaining why it's racist, the person in question shuts us down, dismisses us, gets defensive, or worse.

Regardless of where you are -- fandom, social media, on the street, at work, at school -- as long as you are interacting with other people, your words matter and affect other people. That includes being racially offensive, even if you didn't intend to be. It's how you respond to the people you've insulted that reveals your character, how willing you are to be complicit in their mistreatment.

My rule of thumb has always been this -- if multiple people, including those of the culture you've just made a microaggressive joke about, find it unfunny, racist, or harmful, then you listen. Dismiss or ignore them, then yes -- you absolutely are racist.

[fountainpenguin]

"I'm not the kind of girl to get messed up with you- Hello! ... You're all right, but I'm here, darling, to enjoy the party..." (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 31 - “Flame (Etho, Skizz, Pearl)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

Scar files a microaggression complaint with the HALO team. Pearl helps Scott settle in while he recovers from glitchy code. They have a spat that's not about a sticker.

Meanwhile, SnifferMyFeet and Etho separate their souls… and start an honest talk about Sniff's identity as Sniff, not Joel. It was needed. It's for the best.

(First 900 words under the cut)

---

Etho - Fox

Status: Resting

Self-taught programmer, full-time hero

💙  💙  💙

He gets it now.

It's like ice in your water. It's like marshmallows in your cocoa. It's like wind beneath your wings. The final week before he's due back in Between (reluctantly, but definitely due), Etho flops on his bed and sprawls his arms to either side. Is he giddy? He doesn't mean to be, but this feels…

… Oh, it's a game-changer. Which is exactly what he texts Cleo after scooping up his admin panel. They won't see it if they've left their private server, and since Session 2 of Dog's Life could be starting any day now, there's no telling how long that may take.

Etho: hey so Etho: remember after limlife 4 or 5 when we talked about burnout?

Grocery shopping. For a family dinner- he and Cleo both made one (like a peace offering) in a way that wasn't really flirty married life roleplay, but more like… regular, everyday person roleplay. Did all their shopping together so they wouldn't cook the same thing. Call it 'date night' if you want; he walked her home and there might've been a little 'dramatic logout' roleplay in there. We don't… We don't need to go into detail about it.

To some people that's romantic and to some it's completely gross. Not really sure why… It's a natural process, isn't it? Soul-eaters can't help being what they are, and you may as well snap at endermen hybrids for struggling with eye contact or shame unthreaded players if they expose their glitches instead of keeping them covered up. This world's too big and life too long for arguing. Do you really want to make enemies and be rude to people who are going to carry the echo of your words for the rest of their lives?

Lend a helping hand. Extend a little kindness. Be polite. Respond to the hurt. Try not to avoid responsibility when others are counting on your strength. Sit with the injured, even when the night is cold. They're simple goals, but so easily forgotten these days.

Etho: I think you said if I felt stuck then I should break my routine for a while

Nothing happens for several minutes. Etho rotates words without meaning through his head, then types out something else.

Etho: you were right. I get now why you go on adventures with Martyn. Why you let him and no one else log you out all the time. Thanks for the advice. Let me know next time you need a favor. Rating this cycle 10 of 10 and I owe you big xD

He takes a long, guilt-free nap in his cushioned bed. Catching up on block updates and videos really drains a guy (especially this close to the end of the Hermitcraft season, not to mention Vault Hunters and a Life series on top of it), but he spent all morning prepping the bed and it's already providing every agonizing tick of its worth. Two hours later, he's stirred awake by a buzz on the admin panel.

ZombieCleo: yay! So glad that worked for you <3 I want to hear all about it. Maybe in a couple weekends you can watch MCC with me and the kids + Martyn? If we catch a minute alone, I can recommend more stuff you might be into ;)

The kids refers to Bdubs and Scar, who skated through Limited Life like energetic teenagers spreading their wings. It's goofy, it's endearing, and Cleo's got her roleplay voice on because she knows it makes him snort. His tail gives a twitch as he tries to keep a smirk from creeping out behind his mask.

Martyn, huh? he muses, but doesn't say that. Cleo circles between lovers, friends, and exes like a pollinating bee.

Etho: whoaaaa Etho: inviting a fox? that's dangerous! ZombieCleo: nose out of your tail, fur boy Etho: dibs on Martyn, I see ZombieCleo: If you're serious about returning the favor, Martyn says Rhetoric's down here and this might be our best chance at smash and grabbing from your mum's museum Etho: Hm… ZombieCleo: I mean, you did leave my eggshell when you rescued Grian and that other soul

Yeah- it looked distressed. Now Sniff's down here. He can actually talk now when he couldn't before. Honestly, not the worst decision he could've made.

If anyone's going to try getting into the Fox Dragon's museum, a fox has the best chance of doing so. It's kept separate from the nesting cave where souls respawn, but even the deadliest traps won't keep foxes out since they'll just respawn. Unless they're traps that can't be dodged even with careful planning, or some sort of system that short-circuits code. The phantom roost is nearby, right? Frankly, phantoms are excellent trackers, they can fly, and they're probably the fastest of all non-swimming hybrids, so a phantom alone provides great security as-is.

Etho: I'll think about it. Not tonight, though. Full moon fox face isn't for me. Also if there are raiders there then that's probably the worst time to show up ZombieCleo: Fair ZombieCleo: I can think of something else, but if you ever get the chance, I want it back Etho: duly noted ✌️ ZombieCleo: btw say hi to Scar and Bdubs when you see them. They've been cracking nonstop jokes since you disappeared. One can only imagine they're attempting humor to bury immense throes of pain Etho: D:

[Full chapter on AO3 - Link at top]

[gatheringbones]

[“In a world that constantly shames us for our bodies, genders, or sexualities, we can trick ourselves into thinking that we are “taking control” and that achieving a certain body ideal is liberation. It is far from that.

For those of us who face multiple forms of oppression, developing eating disorders is not simply wanting our bodies to meet the impossible aesthetic ideal associated with people in dominant culture. Queer and trans people don’t develop disordered eating simply because we want to assimilate to cisgender, heteronormative culture. Of course, appearances can be and often are part of the picture. But when we attribute eating disorders solely to the desire for our bodies to look a certain way, the conversation stops. And we miss out on opportunities for crucial conversations about the connections between eating disorders, trauma, and survival.

Eating disorders help us to survive trauma and oppression. For queer and trans folks, the way we both conceptualize and heal from eating disorders must account for the ways we are harmed by systems of power. Eating disorders help us to cope with everyday microaggressions and macroaggressions. They help us to get by in the face of food insecurity. They can keep us safe in a world in which being read as queer or trans can mean life or death.

For many people, disordered eating or behaviours are attempts at shape control, which are attempts to blend in and not become a target. For many of us, eating disorder “treatment” that aims to strip us of the very armour that has allowed us to stay alive, can actually cause more harm if there isn’t an adequate substitute or systemic change to help us to safely exist in the world. Treatment cannot simply be aimed at challenging our “distorted thoughts” or symptom reduction or cheerleading body positivity. Treatment approaches that aim at skills training (e.g., dialectical behaviour therapy) and challenging unhelpful thought patterns that fuel an eating disorder (e.g., cognitive behavioural therapy) are often crucial, but they are not enough for a true sense of feeling safe and at home in one’s body.

Most mainstream treatment approaches perpetuate white supremacist, capitalist systems of harm. Fat people are told that they are holding on to their fat as protection and that if they worked through their trauma, the weight would fall away. Thin people are told they need to restore their weight but they are not to go beyond an established “upper limit.” When we demonize “emotional eating,” there is an inherent assumption that the individual can get to a calm, neutral state at all times when their body needs or wants to be fed. Sometimes “emotional eating” is harm reduction.

Our disorders and symptoms, the things that we feel shame about, were once what helped us to get through the night. We might still be in survival mode. Or, we might have a hard time recognizing that we no longer need to be in survival mode. But before we move on, we might have to pay respect and allow ourselves to grieve how we have been called to protect ourselves in ways that are simultaneously brilliant and destructive.”]

sand c. chang, from dreaming bigger: body liberation and weight inclusivity in health care, from The Care We Dream Of: Liberatory & Transformative Justice Approaches to LGBTQ+ Health, edited by Zena Sharman, 2021

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bret Stephens

Published: Jun 25, 2024

The notable fact about the anti-Israel campus demonstrations is that they are predominantly an elite phenomenon. Yes, there have been protests at big state schools like the University of Nebraska, but they have generally been small, tame and — thanks to administrators prepared to enforce the rules — short-lived. It’s Stanford, Berkeley, Yale, Penn, Harvard, Columbia and many of their peers that have descended to open bigotry, institutional paralysis and mayhem.

Two questions: Why the top universities? And what should those on the other side of the demonstrations — Jewish students and alumni most of all — do about it?

Regarding the first question, some argue that the furor over the campus protests is much ado about not much. The demonstrators, they say, represent only a small fraction of students. The ugliest antisemitic expressions occasionally seen at these events are mainly the work of outside provocateurs. And the student protesters (some of whom are Jewish) are acting out of youthful idealism, not age-old antisemitism. As they see it, they aim only to save Palestinian lives and oppose the involvement of their universities in the abuses of a racist Israeli state.

There’s something to these points. With notable exceptions, campus life at these schools is somewhat less roiled by protest than the media makes it seem. Outside groups, as more than one university president has told me, have played an outsize role in setting up encampments and radicalizing students. And few student demonstrators, I’d wager, consciously think they harbor an anti-Jewish prejudice.

But this lets the kids off the hook too easily.

Students who police words like “blacklist” or “whitewash” and see “microaggressions” in everyday life ignore the entreaties of their Jewish peers to avoid chants like “globalize the intifada” or “from the river to the sea.” Students who claim they’re horribly pained by scenes of Palestinian suffering were largely silent on Oct. 7 — when they weren’t openly cheering the attacks. And students who team up with outside groups that are in overt sympathy with Islamist terrorists aren’t innocents. They’re collaborators.

How did the protesters at elite universities get their ideas of what to think and how to behave?

They got them, I suspect, from the incessant valorization of victimhood that has been a theme of their upbringing, and which many of the most privileged kids feel they lack — hence the zeal to prove themselves as allies of the perceived oppressed. They got them from the crude schematics of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion training seminars, which divide the world into “white” and “of color,” powerful and “marginalized,” with no regard for real-world complexities — including the complexity of Jewish identity. They got them from professors who think academic freedom amounts to a license for political posturing, sometimes of a nakedly antisemitic sort. They got them from a cheap and easy revision of history that imagines Zionism is a form of colonialism (it’s decidedly the opposite), that colonialism is something only white people do, and that as students at American universities, they can cheaply atone for their sins as guilty beneficiaries of the settler-colonialism they claim to despise.

They also got them from university administrators whose private sympathies often lie with the demonstrators, who imagine the anti-Israel protests as the moral heirs to the anti-apartheid protests and who struggle to grasp (if they even care) why so many Jewish students feel betrayed and besieged by the campus culture.

That’s the significance of the leaked images of four Columbia University deans exchanging dismissive and sophomoric text messages during a panel discussion in May on Jewish life on campus, including the suggestion that a panelist was “taking full advantage of this moment” for the sake of the “fundraising potential.”

Columbia placed three of the deans on leave. Other universities, like Penn, have belatedly moved to ban encampments. But those steps have a grudging and reactive feel — more a response to Title VI investigations of discrimination and congressional hearings than a genuine acknowledgment that something is deeply amiss with the values of a university. At Harvard, two successive members of the task force on antisemitism resigned in frustration. “We are at a moment when the toxicity of intellectual slovenliness has been laid bare for all to see,” wrote Rabbi David Wolpe in his resignation announcement.

That’s the key point. More dismaying than the fact that student protesters are fellow traveling with Hamas is that with their rhyming chants and identical talking points, they sound more like Maoist cadres than critical thinkers. As the sociologist Ilana Redstone, author of the smart and timely book “The Certainty Trap,” told me on Monday, “higher education traded humility and curiosity for conviction and advocacy — all in the name of being inclusive. Certainty yields students who are contemptuous of disagreement.”

And so the second question: What are Jewish students and alumni to do?

It’s telling that the Columbia deans were caught chortling during exactly the kind of earnest panel discussion that the university convened presumably to show alumni they are tackling campus antisemitism. They were paying more lip service than attention. My guess is that they, along with many of their colleagues, struggle to see the problem because they think it lies with a handful of extremist professors and obnoxious students.

But the real problem lies with some of the main convictions and currents of today’s academia: intersectionality, critical theory, post-colonialism, ethnic studies and other concepts that may not seem antisemitic on their face but tend to politicize classrooms and cast Jews as privileged and oppressive. If, as critical theorists argue, the world’s injustices stem from the shadowy agendas of the powerful and manipulative few against the virtuous masses, just which group is most likely to find itself villainized?

Not even the most determined university president is going to clean out the rot — at least not without getting rid of the entrenched academic departments and tenured faculty members who support it. That could take decades. In the meantime, Jews have a history of parting company with institutions that mistreated them, like white-shoe law firms and commercial banks. In so many cases, they went on to create better institutions that operated on principles of intellectual merit and fair play — including many of the universities that have since stumbled.

If you are an Ivy League megadonor wondering how to better spend the money you no longer want to give a Penn or a Columbia — or just a rising high school senior wondering where to apply — maybe it’s time to forgo the fading prestige of the old elite for the sake of something else, something new. That’s a subject for a future column.

==

Intersectionality is a "luxury belief"; that is, it signals a form of elite status. It's a form of academic masturbation which has no alignment with reality.

Luxury beliefs are ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class, while often inflicting costs on the lower classes. – Rob Henderson

[mmakaylllaa]

Week 6 Blog 10/3

What are some examples of white supremacy in online spaces?

Besides bias embedded into coding leading to racism infiltrating online spaces we need to look at the conscious decisions gamers use when participating in video games pushing stereotypes.

“...the “male” cyborg continues to march on preestablished pathways of colonization, domination, and destruction through his militarized versions of video games and Nintendo wars.” (The Revenge of the Yellowfaced Cyborg Terminator) Although the point of this Terminator character is supposed to represent an apocalyptic future, the author poses a great question- what thought was put behind racializing the character with a distasteful name? This character poses as a ‘menace’ going through the virtual world committing heinous acts while posing as a certain race. The owner of this game sent out a statement claiming this game is merely a parody- ultimately confining the gamer and society to view and play the game through the lens of a “joke” which undermines any damage caused to the targeted community. This also poses another issue of preserving white supremacy and outcasting any backlash,

How can we relate today’s society to the Black Mirror episode “Nosedive”?

We are a very digital society reliant on connection and validation. Nosedive shows a world that poses as a futuristic one but with all the same values as the average middle class trying to climb to the top. Lacie starts off with a basic rating and due to the possibility of economic and social opportunities, she dedicates every interaction and moment of her day to creating and maintaining superficial relationships. The rating system is mostly based on social media posts which leads to an obsession to strive for others to perceive one in the most perfect lighting. Through the episode we see this has detrimental impacts on Lacie’s mental health and relationships which only lowers her status. Another important detail to take note of is the exploitation of personal data. We see this as Lacie is applying for apartments and is only considered for qualification based on her data and networks. We can relate all this to our day to day lives as we are currently in an obsessive, image/status driven society which distorts real life. Although the episode may pose as an extreme take, we must understand it emphasizes the dangers of having our lives so intertwined with technology.

How do we perform gender/race online?

Throughout the entire online world, we are able to present ourselves in any possible way. This goes beyond our posts and bios but into what media we consume and what online communities we interact with. We make language choices such as “feminine” or “masculine” communication, code switching, or even emojis. We decide when it is appropriate to use these communication styles based on our virtual communities, platforms, and social movements. It is important to note the dangers of these anonymous and fluid identities. Many take the opportunity to push gender and racial stereotypes and overt discrimination such as microaggressions, gendered harassment, and racial trolling all posed as “dark humor”.

How does race differ from real life and the cyberworld?

In our everyday real life, race is perceived based on visuality such as skin color, facial features, and cultural clues. These indicators are ultimately irreversible as people are assigned these racial identities at birth. In the cyberworld, online users have autonomy to hide, alter, or emphasize any aspects of their identity- both real or made up. The choice to remain anonymous allows people to present themselves without immediate visual indicators of race which can either reduce or completely remove any existing racial bias throughout online actions. A major privilege is for those in the online world is the option to present as something other than their racial identity, which is entirely impossible throughout face to face interactions.

[benicebefunny]

Even in the unlikely scenario that they've never spoken about Rupert at all, you'd hope Jade would understand the importance of pulling her punches when it comes to her boyfriend's boss. The fact that she doesn't get this (alongside her huge-ass apartment) hints that Jade may not be the Service Worker Hero/Voice of the Working Class fandom makes her out to be. She may indeed just be someone who enjoys putting Brown men in their place. (Mr. Shelby, anyone?)

Far be it for me to judge people judging people, but righteous certainty in one's ability to immediately judge the value of another human being does not seem praise-worthy.

Judging someone based on very little information, brief interactions, or a single meeting seems like a great way to misjudge someone. You may be right some of the time, but the rest? It's not worth it.

No, no, by me, it's far more ethical to reserve judgment, to sit silently, stewing in resentment for months or even years, waiting for the exact moment to issue a devastating assessment of their character and all the ways they've wronged you.

I suppose that's just how I was raised.

[landrysg]

Students who police words like “blacklist” or “whitewash” and see “microaggressions” in everyday life ignore the entreaties of their Jewish peers to avoid chants like “globalize the intifada” or “from the river to the sea.” Students who claim they’re horribly pained by scenes of Palestinian suffering were largely silent on Oct. 7 — when they weren’t openly cheering the attacks. And students who team up with outside groups that are in overt sympathy with Islamist terrorists aren’t innocents. They’re collaborators. ...

More dismaying than the fact that student protesters are fellow traveling with Hamas is that with their rhyming chants and identical talking points, they sound more like Maoist cadres than critical thinkers. As the sociologist Ilana Redstone, author of the smart and timely book “The Certainty Trap,” told me on Monday, “higher education traded humility and curiosity for conviction and advocacy — all in the name of being inclusive. Certainty yields students who are contemptuous of disagreement.”

[mayoayonnaise]

She moved with a fluid grace, a goddess sculpted from moonlight and honey. Her power wasn't a weapon brandished, but a silent, irresistible force. A whisper that could shatter mountains, a glance that could ignite revolutions. She wasn’t above the fray; she was woven into the very fabric of it, the heartbeat of creation, the pulse of life itself. She wasn’t draped in celestial fabrics or perched on a throne of clouds. She was just… her. A woman, maybe a barista, maybe a teacher, maybe a single mom juggling three jobs. But in her eyes— the quiet strength of a thousand suns. This was God, in her most human form, and her power wasn’t some cosmic force, but the quiet, unwavering resolve to dismantle the systems that had tried to break her, and countless others like her. SHE WAS JUST A WOMAN, A WOMAN.

The men who misjudged her, the ones who saw only her grin, not the fire in her eyes— they missed the point entirely. Her strength was only increased by their attempts to subdue, and control her. Their biggest flaw was their blindness, and their arrogance was their downfall. For she was the earth— fertile and unwavering, capable of both nurturing and destruction. They didn’t see the years of hard work, the sacrifices made, the battles fought and won in the quiet corners of my own heart. They failed to recognize the courage required to get out of bed every morning, deal with the continual push to fit in, the subtle slights, and the microaggressions. MEN ARE TRASH— WHY MUST MEN DISREGARD WOMEN’S WORTH?

She was the storm— powerful and erratic, capable of both gentle rain and devastating thunder. She was the sun— radiating warmth and light, but could also burn those who dared to stand too close. She was the moon— a silent observer, a confidante, a source of both enigma and comfort. She didn’t need to raise her voice; her actions spoke volumes. She wasn’t seeking vengeance— she was building a better world, a world where the divine feminine wasn't relegated to a distant, ethereal realm, but woven into the very fabric of everyday life. THE TRUE POWER OF GOD, A WOMAN THAT SHE IS.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe they’re not meant to understand. Her power is for her alone, for the women who stand beside her. It’s a power built not on anger, but on self-acceptance, on resilience, on the unwavering belief in our own inherent worth. And that, her friends, is a force to be reckoned with. She was unquestionably powerful, the embodiment of creation, the creator of her own fate. It was a power that was earned rather than imposed, one that was evoked by awe and reverence rather than fear. She is aware that she is unstoppable. MEN SHALL KNEEL BEFORE THE WOMAN, KNEEL BEFORE HER— KNOW YOUR PLACE, PEASANT. WORSHIP WOMEN.

[drdemonprince]

I've read you observed that when you're wordy you are congratulated and when other people (trans, black woman, etc) are wordy they are told they are being unnaprocheable. I think we can clearly see what are the biases at play, but i also find extremely frustrating this world of dumbing down complex topic. Granted i'm training to be a teacher so that's kind of my job, but sometimes i feel like as an autistic trans woman every NGO out there puts out pamphlets explaining the cishets NTs in a few words and i just feel a bit of anger. I spent years trying to learn and fit in this world, i don't care if an employer read a 5 page pamphlet with corporate cutesy illustrations on autism, Neurodiverrgence, or gender. I want them to fucking put effort on it, go read a book that explains things and our diversity on detail, I've had to do this all my life so i can get a semblance of functioning, NTs, cishets and other hegemons won't die if they have to put some effort on understanding us. I know i'm asking for too much, but sometimes you need to get involved in complicated things that you don't understand, I do it everyday, so if you are neurotypical and cis, please take the time because we don't have the privilige of being ignorant.

Yeah, I'm with you -- anti-intellectualism and symbolic self-congratulatory neoliberal identity based shit is a problem. But what i'm talking about is people like birlinterrupted on here being like "trans women face a unique form of oppression" and then repeatedly getting replies like WAT CAN SOMEONE SAY THIS IN ENGLISH PLEASe and shit. it's a real common microaggression ive noticed. especially among ppl who have a vested interest in not 'understanding' their own intersectionality and the privileges attendant to it. and very tied to the same anti intellectualism youre rightly concerned about i think

[readychilledwine]

About CoParents:

Warning- Long post, and my thoughts are a little jumbled

I got accused of racism today over my Co Parents drabble featuring Eris and Cassian. I was also accused of alienating Cassian from his daughter, forcing her to grow up in a place known for racism and prejudice, ect.

And I just need to talk about it.

To address the alienation- I based the relationship between Cassian, Eris, and babygirl off of one I see in my everyday life between my partner's brother, his daughter, her momma and her significant other.

In my real life- Momma has primary custody of their daughter, and she has been with her significant other since their daughter was about 7 months old. She is 4 and views both of them as daddy. She gets sad when she leaves her "home dad" and mom. But that sadness is quickly gone as soon as she is with bio daddy (partner's brother.)

I based the communications and exchange on what I've watched between the two men in my life. The babygirl in my life is happy, healthy, loves both of her daddies equally, but like all Littles who have adult feelings, but do not know how to express them, she gets a little sad because she knows she'll miss mom and dad, even if she's super excited to also see biodaddy, and she cries leaving biodaddy to go back home. We've ALL worked our asses off ensuring she has healthy home lives, support from all of us, and she knows how loved, wanted, and supported she is (and she does.) I do not see a few little tears during an exchange as a sign of alienating a parent.

I also tried to make it clear she sees Cassian. The updates Eris gave him are SMALL. (She likes hot chocolate before bed now. Potty issues a lot of littles struggle with.) Eris calls Cassian her dad, which is NOT something people alienating a parent does. Eris told Cassian he had no doubts Cassian would take good care of her over the next 2 weeks, which is a sign of Eris supporting Cassian as a father. I had planned on doing the exchange back with Cassian in Autumn, returning babygirl to the reader, and meeting the babe.

But now we head into the racism part.

Being accused of being racist is a lingering ick, and I can't shake it.

I am active in organizations that work with BIPOC on educating people on racism, discrimination, and privilege. I work with law enforcement, medical, and fire teams regarding race sensitivity education. I am the dispatcher who also handles empathy training in our department. I pride myself on being sensitive, empathic, and educated on signs of racism and microaggressions.

I want to apologize if Co Parents came off that way to someone else, though. I want to apologize to anyone who may have been offended. It was not my intent at all as the writer, and genuinely, if I hurt you, I am sorry.

I'm debating on deleting Co Parents and being done with writing acotar characters as parents, especially in Coparenting situations and blended houses. I never want to feel as icky as I do right now, I will not be writing a follow-up to it if it does stay up, and I'm going to be done with the dynamic to prevent this from happening again.

I do also want to add-

I am fine with discussing and taking criticism for my writing. If it turns into a debate, though, and "let's agree to disagree," has been said by both of us, but it still turns into more digging and backhanded attacks, I make no promises I won't block you.. I want my blog to be a safe haven for myself and my followers. I won't allow someone to attack any of you or me here. I don't appreciate that at all. I was going to allow the comments to sit, but there's a line, and I felt it was crossed in this situation.

I don't know, friends. Feeling pretty icky.

[nitw]

i used to feel weird about having my autism labeled as a disability in the past, but i've come to realize that i only have the ableist stigma surrounding it to blame for that. or more specifically the way ableism creates a divide between invisible disabilities and more obvious ones, which benefits no one.

i mean. was i not raised in a completely different reality from most kids, even before anyone could put a label on why? did the diagnosis not put more focus on my mental and physical well-being, and grant me a shitton of privileges on that front, but at the cost of being viewed as more of a suffering animal than a human in the eyes of specialists? is my autism not what strongly hinders my ability to do everyday tasks that most people barely struggle with? is my autism not something that i've had to fight and want to die over and stare in the face before i could learn to love and respect it? does it not continue to cause me as much grief as it does self-esteem on a daily basis? do i not continue to find new reasons to take pride IN it rather than in spite of it? do i not know what it's like to be pitied out of misplaced guilt (which is really just ableist microaggressions) because of how "unfortunate" my existence is? to have people call me "strong" and "brave" literally just for trying to survive under the societal expectations that they, themselves, enforce? to have an essential part of my identity, a PERMANENT one that i have no choice but to accept, be narrowed down to JUST the negatives in most people's eyes? to have the whole conversation about my life revolve around pain and suffering, rather than the infinite healing process, or all the good things you can only find by developing a certain perspective?

i don't think there's anything particularly abled about that.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

“I wonder if Grandma’s proud of me, wherever she is. She never seemed to be, but maybe dying has made her less...intense.”

Ulyssa looked at her wife sadly. From all the microaggressions she’d endured during her brief time with the former queen, Ulyssa doubted that the woman could be proud of any of her family members. None of them had ever measured up to her standards, but saying so wouldn’t be comforting for Maura.

“I’m sure she is,” Ulyssa lied. “You’re doing great as queen; you just have to believe in yourself. Twikkii Island has changed since she ruled it and you’re guiding it through a hard time. You’re doing just fine.”

“It really has changed, hasn’t it?” Maura remarked with a sigh. “Things aren’t as peaceful and calming as they used to be. I’m spending enormous amounts of money on our military and I can barely use the washroom without a full military escort. This isn’t how I wanted to rule. Everyday things here feel less and less like the home I grew up in. On one hand, I’m sending our forces to be trained by Claudia’s generals and on the other, I’m supposed to be cautious of trusting her because of Pleasantview’s history of aggression. She’s my cousin and my friend. Am I really supposed to consider her a suspect in my mother’s murder?”

“I know things are rough now, but we’ll get through them,” Ulyssa promised, kissing her wife quickly. “I have my doctor’s appointment to get to this morning, but I’ll see you after lunch if I can. Just try to relax until then. Who knows? Maybe I’ll have good news about the heir situation.”

Maura smiled.

“That would be one less thing to worry about,” she agreed, though her rigid posture showed no sign of relaxation. “Good luck. I hope things go well.”

Maura left in the direction of the throne room, leaving Ulyssa alone- or at least as alone as she could be in a castle on high alert with a protective squad following her every move. While she understood the need for security, the castle had felt unusually claustrophobic lately. Her only escape was teleporting back home to Arkhelios where Wanda had made it very clear that sending a protective detail with Ulyssa would be seen as an act of aggression. The Durant family was entitled to privacy and seeing armed guards escort the Queen and her wife around didn’t sit right with the witch. Arkhelios would take care of its own, which was more than fine with Ulyssa. Visiting Arkhelios was her only escape from the castle and her time spent there was now incredibly precious.

“Ulyssa? Are you free to talk?”

Ulyssa recognized her little sister’s voice immediately, though she couldn’t guess why Cindra was at the castle.

���I’m free for a little bit, what’s going on?”

Ulyssa saw the shy smile on her sister’s face before she realized that Cindra was standing next to someone. Maura’s half-brother Trent was shyly smiling and wringing his hands, a clear sign that he was nervous to speak with Ulyssa.

Oh god, this can only mean one thing. She’s either dating him or pregnant. At least it’s not Nathan. I don’t know what I’d do if it was Nathan.

“We just wanted to let you know that we’re dating,” Cindra announced, looking hopefully at her older sister. “I’ve run into Trent a couple of times when I’ve been here to visit and we really hit it off. I asked him out for coffee and one thing kind of lead to another. I hope you’re okay with this. We’re not trying to threaten you or Maura or compete with you to make heirs or something stupid like that. We’re just dating.”

Ulyssa cringed internally but managed to hide it from her expression. What weird world had she gotten herself into where her little sister felt like she couldn’t date someone without her permission? Had someone in the castle told either one of them that Maura may oppose their happiness because she was still without an heir of her own?

I hate this.This wasn’t supposed to be what my life was like. Maura and I were going to live how we wanted and have kids when we wanted and go where we wanted. Now, everything’s a mess and I don’t know how to change things. Am I really supposed to worry about who Maura’s little brother dates, just in case they’re a threat? It’s Cindra, for god’s sake. She couldn’t threaten a fly.

“I’m glad you told me,” Ulyssa said finally. “I’m really happy for you two. He’s a much better man than Nathan and I want you to be as happy as I am with Maura. Maybe we can have lunch together sometime and catch up.”

:Yeah, I’d like that.” Cindra beamed at her sister and grabbed Trent’s hand eagerly. “Trent, you promised to show me the back gardens. Let’s have a picnic out there this afternoon. Maybe my sister or Maura can join us too.”

Not likely with our schedule. I barely see Maura anymore until we’re in bed at night. If I wanted to take her for lunch, I’d need to schedule it three months in advance, plus clear it with my own schedule. Just talking with her in the hall was a miracle. We were supposed to have years together before she got the throne but now it’s all we talk about.

“That sounds great. I don’t know if I have time today, but sometime soon.”

With a sad smile and a quick hug for her sister, Ulyssa continued down the hall to prepare for her doctor’s appointment and likely more bad news about the potential heir she was supposed to produce.

[opiatemasses]

Speaking through the sporting shadow

Sport. For many it is a complex social phenomenon. A place in which may provide a sense of belonging, enjoyment, and/or validation. Somewhere we may seek refuge from the humdrum 9-5 of working life. Yet, what is the message this profound concept is delivering? I am one of many, I am black and female - a double jeopardy, a black shadow. 

Why a shadow?

A shadow is a dark shape produced by a product. The reflection of another. Sport is the light, white British female athletes the product, black female athletes the figure left behind. I regularly watch sport, as I am sure you do too. How often do you turn onto Sky Sports and see a black female athlete in her action, in her sport? Ask yourself.  

Professional sport has and remains a space dominated primarily by male athletes. On top of that, white female athletes tend to mostly receive coverage in socially acceptable female sports such as gymnastics and swimming. 

Meanwhile their black female counterparts are shown predominantly in powerful, aggressive sports further highlighted in sport such as boxing. Because of this, white female athletes’ femininity becomes the focus of sports media whilst the femininity of black female athletes is often disregarded. We aren’t blaming here, we are highlighting. Give us our credit, we are women too.

A field of shadows

The Olympic Games, one of my favourite events. Most Olympic coverage of female athletes is focused on more feminine, individual sports such as gymnastics, swimming, and diving. An event that is supposed to unify and bring us together, destroyed Simone Biles. The four-time Olympic gold medallist was labelled a ‘drop out’ and a ‘disappointment’, as well as betraying her team in for prioritising her mental health over performing in the 2021 Tokyo Olympics. As Twitter tells us that this is a ‘poor excuse’, we see a shadow fall.

Serena Williams has 73 singles titles, including 23 grand slams. She is also the only tennis player - male or female - to win three of the four Grand Slams at least six times. Put simply, a tennis legend. Williams has publicly stated she has been drug tested more frequently than her competitors. She was openly discriminated against by a Romanian TV show host who compared her to a monkey and humiliated by Caroline Wozniacki explained in who claimed she was imitating Serena Williams during a 2012 exhibition by stuffing towels in her skirt and shirt. Another shadow has fallen.

Nicola Adams is officially the most successful female British boxer. Adams has openly acknowledged that she has faced less prejudice throughout her boxing career. Unfortunately, I doubt this is the consequence of some good fortune. Nicola Adams competes and exceeds in a vicious and brutal sport that social expectations suggest she should do well in due to the colour of her skin. This contrasts with Williams who exceeds in a sport that is predominantly successful through white British athletes. This is clear when Adams says she experienced regular microaggressions when taking part in Strictly Come Dancing. She goes against the feminine expectations of the viewing public watching a dancing show but maintains beliefs of what they should see in the boxing ring. Shadows continue to fall.

Changing the shadow

It must change. Mustn’t it? The pre-conceived assumptions of innocent individuals in and outside of sport because of the colour of their skin is damaging. Black athletes believing they cannot be their true selves; that they must act ‘less black’ or behave in a specific manner to ‘prove’ they are not vicious animals is not just unjust, but outrageous. How everyday viewers interact with sport must be re-evaluated. If you watch sport for enjoyment, the admiration of an athlete’s skill or the idea of bringing a nation closer together, then why switch channels when a black female athlete is in action? Why did you keep scrolling through Twitter when a black female athlete is being interviewed?

Understanding the problem is one thing but being just aware is not enough. As viewers, next time you watch any sport whether that be grassroots or professional televised sport, stop and think about the assumptions you are making about an athlete based purely on their gender and race. Stop yourself from these unwarranted beliefs. Just because a player has a certain skin colour doesn’t make them better or less suited to a specific sport. We don’t want the way in which viewers see a shadow to change, we want the shadow to be eradicated.

My shadow

I am a young black female that adores sport. I always have and likely always will. As a child it was the one thing I loved. The one reason I looked forwards to school and endured waking up on a freezing cold weekend morning. My sport is netball. Growing up I never matched the criteria for a true netballer. At school I vividly remember my coach saying, “you can be scary can’t you, so you can be a defender to put the opposition off”. Back then, I thought that was a compliment. Now I am filled with rage.

Black athletic ability is seen to be credited to their “natural” physical ability and hindered by their lack of sporting intelligence. One of too many experiences which caused my own shadow to fall. It is bizarre to me how I began experimenting with blogging less than three months ago and how much I have learnt on this journey. By taking a step back and deeply considering this or any issue, it has opened my eyes to the deeper routed concepts in sport. I cannot sit and continue to watch shadows of today and the future fall, and neither should you. Our voices will be heard.

N0858151

[thelovebug]

transracial adoptee escaping abusive home situation

When I was 17 years old, I was being driven home by my father. A woman was jogging passed the car and he made a comment that really stuck with me, and reminded me where I was and what my role was in life. He mentioned how she looked as dark as a nigger. It made me think of what he saw me as, although I knew this wasn’t the first instance where a comment was made about my race. Whether it be about me or about someone else. I remember hearing, “how are you black yet you can’t dance” or him wanting to call a person he was arguing with a nigger. Everyday when I enter the kitchen, I am greeted with a set piece that features blackface. The microaggressions are too much for me, I was subjected to ruthless racism and hatred throughout my entire school career by my white classmates, and they did not move a budge to help me or support me. I’ve been in poor health since I was an infant, and I am grateful for them taking care of me but using my sick moments as a “gotcha” moment or to guilt trip me over showing emotions of anger or sadness. Constantly telling me how good I have it and I should be grateful. I was threatened and subjected to physical violence as a child, which stopped once I made it clear I would not hesitate to call 911 now that I was old enough to do so. If my father is not ragefully screaming, talking down to, or calling me a communist because I don’t like what he likes or agree with everything he says. My mother is insulting me or putting me through emotional incest because the man she decided to marry doesn’t care to be that stand in anymore. She is narcissist who would rather die than apologize for letting me get sexually abused and bullied. She calls me a pig, a monster, tiring, annoying, a whiner, a drug addict. A drug addict after I confided in her about how pot relieves my joint pain and felt like she needed to know I use it in the house sometimes, because I didn’t want to lie to her even though she lies to me every other day. Just recently she added on more trauma and resentment I have towards her when she stole from my savings account and said she didn’t feel bad about it. This is supposed to be my MOTHER. 

I have taken care of her and my father when they are sick or just don’t feel like contributing to the day. When she is ill she goes to me, I take her blood, as a kid I would rub her back and feet, when she’s confused or doesn’t know what to do, she asks ME for help. When my father was in the hospital because of his own stupidity and ignorance towards his health, she felt more inclined to take care of him, a man who once referred to her as a fat bitch, right in front of me as a child than her kids. When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 12, the hospital staff taught her how figure out dosages, which eventually she would have to teach me. This did not happen, and even when I asked to be taught, she said she forgot. It wasn’t until I asked my new doctor to teach me again, that I figured it out but because of my own stubborness, I didn’t ask until I was 18. The older I got the more I felt ignored, hated, and their resentment towards me grew. They resented any thought or plea from me about wanting to know my family history or when I wanted to connect more with my culture or community, my mom even refused to let me see black friends. They make fun of my bonnet, the way I sound, talk, what I know, what I don’t know. I never got know my culture, I want to wear braids, I want to listen to black artists and gush over them, I want to love myself freely and without shame. I want to be gay, I want to have a girlfriend, I want to explore my gender. I just want to be free. I can’t stay in the same house I was touched and abused in anymore. My job isn’t giving me any shifts, and I’m still searching for one that will work around my disabilities and I can get to within a 10 mile radius. My father is the only one who can give me transportation but he is an awful driver who gets into frequent accidents, and has driven drunk on multiple occasions and gave me the rule that to work, the location has to be within 10 miles. I am at the end of the road at this point, if I can’t get a car for myself (since I’m not allowed to drive despite having a license) then I feel like I will die here. I do not have external family due to adoption, and I do not trust either sides of my parents extended family. 

I feel like the system has failed me. Because of some random lawyer or social worker, I was placed here when I was still in infancy, with a family who I feel I can personally never call my true family. Family does not subject their kids to things I have been through. I would’ve rather been aborted than born at all if this was gonna be my future. I don’t know and will never know my real mom or dad and there aren’t any ways to fix this, my original birth certificate was altered. I started this GFM so I can start again, to have a life before it’s too late. I’m only 20 and I turn 21 next month but I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point where I feel my chest ache and can’t move. Even if you can’t donate please share my story and I want everyone to know that transracial adoption is harmful, anti-black, painful and the silence concerning it is deafening and I will never forgive the adults who decided to put me in this position before I could even speak. 

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Louisa Clarence-Smith

Published: Feb 23, 2024

Russell Group universities have told staff and students that saying “the most qualified person should get the job” is a “microaggression”.

At least five universities have issued guidance or training courses on how to eliminate “microaggression”, which are defined as subtle or indirect forms of discrimination.

Guidance from the University of Glasgow and the engineering department of Imperial College London states that saying “the most qualified person should get the job” is an example of a microaggression.

Glasgow’s guidance, which forms part of the university’s anti-racism campaign, suggests that the statement would be wrong because it asserts “that race does not play a role in life successes”.

Other examples of microaggressions listed by the university include saying that “everyone can succeed if they work hard enough”. The university states that possible implications of the statement could include suggesting that someone only got a job because of quotas, or that they cannot make a valuable contribution.

‘Denying individual prejudice’

Other statements listed as microaggressions by Imperial include “men and women have equal opportunities for achievement” and “positive action is racist”.

Meanwhile, the University of Edinburgh states that microaggressions often take the form of “questioning an individual’s lived experience” or “denying individual prejudice”.

Examples cited by the university include saying of a third person: “I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by that”, or denying that a person is a racist.

Newcastle University describes microaggressions as “the everyday slights, indignities, put downs and insults that people of colour, women, people from LGBTQIA+ communities or those who are marginalised, experience in their day-to-day interactions with people”.

It lists examples such as a white person telling a black person “white people get killed by the police too”, when discussing police brutality.

The microaggression statements from universities were uncovered by the Committee for Academic Freedom (CAF), a group of academics worried about the erosion of free speech on campus.

‘Expression of lawful beliefs’

Dr Edward Skidelsky, a philosophy lecturer at the University of Exeter, who is director of the CAF, said: “By campaigning against questioning and denial, these universities are advocating an uncritical acceptance of statements in the various, undefined areas that their microaggression guides refer to. The effect, again, is to undermine a culture of free inquiry.

“Universities must not campaign against the expression of lawful beliefs. They must not take official positions. They must not outlaw ‘questioning’ and ‘denial’. They must not undermine free inquiry.”

Chris McGovern, the chairman of the Campaign for Real Education, said: “It would seem that the woke virus has infected universities in a major way. It is cowardly. Universities are supposed to show their intelligence and reason and they are disapplying their intelligence and reason in order to pursue the woke agenda.”

The universities have been contacted for comment.

[zozo-01]

wip wednesday (midnight hockey edition 💞)

I was tagged by the lovely @autisticempathydaemon, but unfortunately, I don't have anything new to share in terms of fics. [sad face] SO!!! I shall share a lil reflection I did that I'm still really proud of!!!!

--

As a brown girl, I've watched my favourite player, Nazem Kadri (an Arab, Muslim man) be continually harassed for his race and religion. But the discrimination he faced was the implied kind.  The kind that many white people can excuse because, "it's not a violent action so therefore it's ok," while I and many brown kids feel hurt from the microaggressions around us within a sport we love. 

Racism being present in hockey is something I’ve known my whole life. Though I have never played the sport, I’ve been hearing horror stories of what happens to players who aren’t white. (Who look more like me than they do their teammates.) Growing up in Toronto, one of the biggest hockey markets, you hear these stories everyday on the news.

Nazem Kadri’s stories were the ones that hit me the hardest. As a Pakistani, Muslim girl, many of the racist comments he receives are similar to the ones I have heard. I remember at age 10, reading about both the racist and Islamaphobic messages he got during a game at the same age as I was. Sam Kadri, Nazem’s father said himself, “Somehow, people with these comments about 9/11 and bin Laden seemed to keep coming up somewhere. I would get furious. But what can you do? I would definitely confront people who talked like that if I knew who it was, but I couldn't put myself in a compromising position.”

 I remembered feeling… dirty in a way? The best way I can describe it was my brain rejecting my body. Maybe because it didn’t want to think of the horrifying implications? That the same things said about him could be said about me.

I remember feeling the exact same way when I had learned that St. Louis fans had sent racist threats to him following game 3 of the Colorado/St. Louis second round series.

What had happened in game 3 was that Kadri was pushed into Jordan Binnington (the Blues goaltender) by an opposing player. This caused Binnington to sustain a knee injury and led to him leaving the game early. Many Blues players and fans were furious at the incident as this was a significant blow to the Blues roster. To play the number one seed and Stanley Cup favourites without your starting goaltender is a death sentence. What added fuel to the fire was when the league decided not to suspend Kadri. While Kadri’s innocence can be debated, this isn’t the first time he laid a serious hit on an opposing player, Blues’ fans needed someone to blame and they decided for it to be Kadri.

Ashley Kadri, Nazem Kadri’s wife, posted some of racist and death threats that were sent her way after game 3. To sum them all up, they all had the sentiment of  “you’re different, and you deserve pain for that.”

And again that dissociative feeling came rushing back to me.

But I think the thing that hurt me the most was when his comments after his heroic game four performance didn't go in depth about his experiences. The line that stood out to me was "For those who hate, that ones for them." As if it wasn’t basically everyone. But honestly, who can blame him?

Players, coaches and referees of all races have been kicked out from hockey from all levels for reporting and standing up to racism. And even if he did go on a similar rant that Steve Kerr had after what happened in Uvalde, he’d be called the ‘angry brown man.’

Over the course of this project, I didn’t learn anything new. It just reaffirmed something that I’ve known my whole life.

I (and many POC kids like me) fell in love with a sport that didn’t love me back.

It's easy to call out racism when it's obvious, and the NHL commends players for speaking out about their experiences... until it's a coach calling a player the 'n-word,' or a player on the ice calling the opponent a slur, or when it's time to punish a whole fanbase yelling out hateful speech, suddenly the NHL goes silent. We've seen what happens when a player goes against the 'Boy's Club' in hockey. Both Kyle Beach and Akim Aliu faced the consequences. And like always, everyone plays innocent when these allegations come out.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. There are a number of Black, Brown and Indigenous kids in junior leagues right now that are preparing to be stars in the league. Quinton Byfield was taken with the number two overall pick in the 2020 Draft. K’Andre Miller has emerged as an amazing player this year for the New York Rangers. The league is diversifying. Slowly, but it is. It would be nice if these kids, who are all around the same age as me, weren’t subjected to numerous racist attacks for every mistake they make. 

With this project, I want the white fans in the league to know that racism is in hockey. There is no denying it and continuing to deny would do no one good. I also want these fans to (and excuse my language) shut the fuck up when a player talks about an experience of racism and other forms of bigotry years later. We have established that hockey culture prevents players and coaches from talking about their negative experiences. So I do not want to hear none of this “why didn’t come out back then” shit.

The information provided can help the league let go of the toxic nature of hockey culture, so that people can finally talk about their experiences without facing repercussions, accountability can be taken to make sure that racist people are removed, regardless of their power, and that BIPOC parents can feel safe to put their children in hockey. And that those children grow up and inspire a new generation of BIPOC hockey players and fans, the same way Nazem Kadri did for me.

My whole life, everyone has preached to me that "Hockey is for all." My goal and hope are that within my lifetime, that hockey will be for all.