allamericanlacy

[allamericanlacy]

me asking my friends to fabricate my response so that they think i'm interesting and date-worthy

can we all pretend i didn't say that and instead said something much cooler and more interesting also

[allamericanlacy]

Lacy.

Lacy has been the one song on Guts that has been sticking with me every second of everyday, and I finally figured out why.

On genius, this is what it says Lacy is about.

"In one lens, Rodrigo embraces her inferiority complex by personifying the beauty of women she’s intimidated by in this “Lacy” character. Similar to “jealousy, jealousy” and “obsessed,” Olivia succumbs to her habit of comparing herself to other women to an extent so extreme that it seems like a crippling romantic obsession."

Using that, I have found myself relating it to a girl that I know in real life. This girl, who I have admired for years, is everything I want to be and even more. She's pulchritudinous. Gorgeous eyes that always have a glimmer of optimism in them, long arms and legs that aren't plagued by the burden of body hair, shiny hair that effortlessly frames her face beautifully, a face that isn't weighed down by glasses that conceal her best feature.

However, her beauty is beyond being purely physical. She has the intelligence level that my parents and I could only dream of me having. Her ability to excel every subject without an ounce of stress seeming to weigh down her natural beauty. And her voice—a voice so sweet and sultry I could die from sugar poisoning—never seems to waver when speaking kind word to people, no matter who she was talking to.

The asshole of the grade? She praised him for his art, the one thing he seemed to be proud of.

The shy girl who had been cast out and bullied? She sat with her at lunch, going on and on since she knew that the other girl didn't have the confidence to.

The average person? She never criticized them for anything. She had a hard time with things like that, even if it was a large part of an assignment.

This girl seemed to be perfect. A smile on her gorgeous face, the smarts of a reputable scholar, and the sincerity that most lack. How couldn't I keep myself from trying to be around her? And that's the thing: this girl is my best friend in the entire world.

I've known her for a decade already, having met when we were 5 in kindergarten.

If I remember correctly, this wonderful girl had come up to me at recess when I was sitting alone at the swings. She mentioned that she thought no one deserved to be ostracized from everyone else just because they were "different." Obviously that isn't exactly what she said, but that was the gist of it.

I was cast out simply because of how I look. Rather than have the pale, milky skin and flowing ocean of blonde hair with piercing blue eyes, I had everything but that. Darker, tanner skin with frizzy dark hair with equally dark eyes that I have been told were ugly. Not even just that, but the hair that was prevalent on my arms and legs were all the more reason for the kids in my predominately white school to view me as being both different and inferior to them.

Seeing my own Lacy reminds me of the years of microaggressions that I've been subjected to. She reminds me of how badly I wanna be here, as well as how many others like me—poc people—wanna be her too.

It isn't her fault, it never has been. It's the fault of how society has instilled this image of the "perfect person" in our brains as being white with blonde hair blue eyes. And yet I still find myself here, jealous of her.