#metaphorically this is why Dean was upset

[latibulater]

The Venture Bros Rewatch notes: Careers in Science

gonna start a new reblog chain every two episodes so they dont become too long. this one is a doozy to me. SO much of s7 is scraped from this one episode

I can't stop imaging the implications of Venture Industries going from being a fairly sized cutting-edge company that had over 2000 employees just on the Gargantua 1 (so way more on earth), to having absolutely zero staff and their main HQ building in NY closing (to become the impossible building (and then impossible industries crashing when he goes evil (and tHEN VENTECH CRASHING [literally!!!] after JJ dies (i just think that scraper is cursed))))

I love how Brock is in sweats and a beanie. He saw those dorky spacesuits and said absolutely fucking not

Also, the opening conversation between Brock and Baldavich is SO funnnnnnny. This woman hasn't had sex in 6 years at least and is getting off on guiding a rocket into a space station.

okay i dont care about bud as a character but he'd be a great inciting incident imagine if he had interpreted the Morse and opened the machine and saw Jonas - and THAT was why Rusty and Brock were called up to the Gargantua 1 during this episode

we know Bud was the paperboy on Gargantua 1, so he has essentially been on that space station since Jonas died, for the past twenty whole years. Not straight, literally, but still, jesus. Mentally at least. I'm actually surprised he wasn't able to remember Morse code and decipher the blinks of the Problem Machine. i imagine it was incredibly traumatic and that why he hasn't led a life in any other way, he's still a paperboy twenty years later.

Bud thinking Brock is dr. venture is hilarious it reminds me of fullmetal alchemist. if we want to be gay, he COULD

what is WITH brock's shorts over his sweatpants wtf on earth. so superman

Doc never even took the pills before he hit his head on the console after the gravity was turned back on. i TRULY think he was talking to Jonas' consciousness. the conversation between them is so funny. "youre a hallucination" "fine maybe. but even if im a hallucination im still your dad. what did you do to my space station"

the way hank and dean get so mad and upset when they think doc is dead its actually very touching and sad when you think about how at this point theyre still being endlessly cloned

"you were just flipping switch. think! cmon tiny wonder, you helped me build this thing." "i was just a kid i just wanted to play cowboys and indians, who lets a ten year old help build a space station anyways!"

hank and dean thinking brock is wrestling the phantom space man, and then fucking the phantom space man, they just took it on the chin and assumed immediately Brock would have sex with a man

"oh rusty you don't need diet pills, you just need to figure some things out. remember lad, the solution was in you all the time." either rusty is hallucinating jonas saying that or the man's bodiless head really is trying to encourage his son.

either way it speaks a lot to their relationship. i feel like verbally jonas was very upbeat and forceful optimism, and it was his actions endangering rusty and lack of emotional care that really traumatized rusty as a child

"he has a huge mushroom, does he have a smurf living in it!" i laughed

"you already took it! in the lap! from...not! me!" laughed so much

rusty's childhood toys gunking up the gargantua 1 console. there is a metaphor living in here somewhere

the way bud talks is so old fashioned even for the show. he's got to be the same age as rusty yet he talks like professor impossible or even more anachronistically. maybe baldavich has only been there for 6 years, but bud has been manning the station for multiple tours on end and has only old media to entertain himself with

i love the little zhu-zhu-zhu-zhu-zhuuuuu music its only in the very early episodes

"oh man whats it like being a giant liar"

the suit pee dripping....SO GROSS yet as an animator lover i appreciate it

overall i really do love this episode. first one without racism, thank god above. the joke of baldavich being super ugly is lame, but its tamer than in its always sunny in philadelphia with the way dee is treated like a bird.

i seriously am trying to wrap my head around what it would be like if jonas had actually been recovered in season one. so much character development not done, so much just hasn't happened yet would it even matter? would it be better for jonas jr to be born after jonas comes back to life or after?

tiny bit off track, but i keep picturing an alternate universe where rusty and jj are born at the same time and jonas is still disabled but more interested in science but stuck at home whereas rusty is terrified but able bodied and expected to follow their father everywhere. rusty being a big brother.........

[antigonewinchester]

the refusal to see Jack's agency and his making choices is also why people misread "Moriah," imo. which I've never talked about specifically so here's my read of the end of S14:

Jack burns off his soul to save Sam/Dean/Cas & kill Michael, thereby losing his moral compass; he kills Mary because he can't handle her disapproval of his killing Nick and the future disapproval of Sam & Dean; he realizes he's made a big mistake, tries to fix it, and can't (because ultimately death is final and everyone dies); he goes to visit his grandparents because he wants their approval/love and they reject him too, but instead of lashing out like he did with Mary, he runs away. talking with Cas in the graveyard, Jack laments that he keeps hurt people & making mistakes, and faces up to that reality. then, when Dean arrives, Jack doesn't lash out or run away. Jack still has his powers; he could've teleported somewhere else, or taken the gun from Dean, or even attacked him, but he doesn't. instead, Jack is willing to face Dean and his judgement, face up to his own mistakes, even if it means his death...

meanwhile Dean is grieving Mary's death, upset that maybe if they'd known something was up with Jack they could've helped him before it got to this point. Dean's also grappling with the fact that he was the one who originally unleashed Michael, using his power to save Sam and Jack; that he & Sam were the ones who brought Jack back by using the power of Jack's own soul, which he then burned off saving them all from Michael; and that if Dean had gotten into the Mal'ak box like he'd wanted to, Jack wouldn't have lost his soul and Mary would still be alive. the last thing Dean saw Jack do was attack him, Sam, and Cas -- after Jack got out of the Ma'lak box, he could've just teleported away, but instead he attacks them angrily first -- and for all that Dean knows, that's still how Jack is reacting: lashing out and hurting people with his powers. and if Jack is capable of preventing the whole world from lying, how many people could he kill if he lashed out against the world itself? someone has to stop Jack before he hurts or kills millions or even billions of people...

but at the graveyard, Dean doesn't see a Jack who's angry or violent or lashing out. he sees Jack choose not to attack him even when he learns Dean is there to kill him! Jack says he understands, acknowledges what he's done, says he knows he's a monster... except would a monster choose to die so he wouldn't hurt anyone else? if Dean kills Jack, he also kills himself; if he condemns Jack as a monster, he condemns himself as one too; and if Jack has chosen mercy, if Jack has put down his metaphorical gun, can't Dean put down his literal one?

and Dean does.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im gonna start watching Supernatural season 6 but before that, I have some predictions. Most of these are based on the assumption that every season from now on is basically gonna be a self-contained arc that they wrote without knowing if they were gonna get a next season or not, just to make that clear.

Theres gonna be a villain thats basically just metaphorical celestial hitler bc if theres one thing english-speaking people inexplicably love to put in their media its nazi imagery. The metaphorical celestial nazis are going to be angels (because making them demons would be too obvious) and depending on how late or early this is gonna be in the series, Castiel is gonna have like, a radicalisation arc basically. I think if its gonna be in the sixth season right away, he'll definitely get radicalised but if its in seasons 7-10 I dont think thatll happen but if its in seasons 11-15 I think it will happen. I do have reasons for thinking that but Im having trouble articulating those so Im just gonna move on

Theres gonna be another fanconvention episode (probably multiple given that we have 10 seasons ahead of us) and theyre going to mock destiel shippers and Im going to be so unbelievably upset

Theres gonna be a season where the main villain is some kind of nightmare creature guy thats causing everyone all over the globe to have these horrific nightmares so people dont wanna/cant sleep and because of that whole lot of people are just straight-up dying from lack of sleep or because people are too exhausted to funktion properly so theyre hitting people with cars n shit like that. Sam and Deans nightmares are mostly about their daddy issues and whatever mistakes (or potential mistakes) they made in the season before that and I dont think they'll show Cas' nightmares but if they do, theyll be full of fucked up religious imagery

Alternatively, the nightmare creature guy has the ability to manifest peoples nightmares as tangible things in the real world but mark my words, theres going to be some kind of nightmare creature guy

Zombie Apocalypse Season

Theyre going to bring back vampires and have a conflict about the ethics of being a vampire, basically an extended version of that one episode with the vampires who only killed and ate animals, except this time theyll also make fun of twilight bc why not. fuck it we ball amiright

Castiel is gonna turn human temporarily at some point and Dean n Sam are gonna turn temporarily non-human at some point

Speaking of which, Sam standing outside of Deans house watching him eat with his son was probably not meant to be literal and was purposefully very ambiguous but I think the writers are gonna take advantage of that and have a plotline about Sam being a ghost in the sixth season, or even an angel if they wanted to get wacky with it which, honestly they should. I once saw someone describe Supernatural by saying smth like "the first five seasons were the actual show, everthing after that is just the creators retirement plan" do Im definitely anticipating some bullshit (affectionate), but also some bullshit (derogatory)

Dean and Sam and maybe Cas are gonna have to fight like, dark evil AU versions of themselves who wear all black and have really heavy eyebags or fucked up eyes at some point

I just remembered that theres gonna be dragons who just look like guys in this show bc Ive seen a few spoilers for it and I literally do not have any predictions about them, like I cannot even conceive of dragons being in this show why did they put them in there

We're definitely going to get a bunch more evil women in this show so I think we're gonna get succubi, sirens, whatever other monsters that are usually portrayed as beautiful women, we're getting them

I think thats it so far, please dont spoil me and tell me directly if Im right or wrong about any of this, thanks

[septembersghost]

also the episode where he gets the pills is the episode where he goes back to lisa and ben bc ben calls and claims there’s an emergency, and you have to wonder...dean is decidedly not doing well at the end of that episode when he leaves them again (presumedly permanently, because he can’t stay and he can’t answer lisa’s “what you do want from us?” return question). does he self-medicate over this? has he been doing this since sam came back? before? we don’t know. dean spends the whole season with people he loves more than anything alternately lying to him, harming him, betraying him, and him having to steel himself, to fight back, to take it. he’s openly hurt and vulnerable through much of it (6x20 - dean trying so hard to be loyal - is heartbreaking for this), some of that rawness due to the load bearing walls ever-so-slightly coming down during the year he had. his woundedness is more easily discernible to everyone else, rippling right under the skin (and they do not respond well to this, naturally), because he had, even briefly (but longer than he has ever had before), a place and time to grieve, and to be caring without accompanying violence. then he has to contend with his soulless brother, and how to bear being near him (but of course not being able to part from him), and how to be his conscience because even soulless, sam looks to him, imprints his emotions upon him, says he needs him (he claims as a tool, but no, there’s more to it), doesn’t want him to leave. dean has to figure out how to insist on putting him right and making him himself again, no matter the cost, beyond permission, because what’s the point if sam isn’t sam? bobby not telling him immediately. his soulless brother allowing him to be turned into a vampire, the multilevel horror of that act. his grandfather back from the dead and willing to throw them (literally) to ghouls, not valuing them at all, someone ELSE who values mary’s dead memory more than he values her living sons. being taught a terrible lesson about cosmic consequences by Death, but Death still puts his brother’s soul back. the soul being put back is tenuous and could break or kill sam at any moment. castiel deceiving and failing him from the moment they reunite, actually even before that, (and he’s offended at the mere suggestion, he doesn’t even want to believe it, so it must be true), working directly with their enemy and a threat to them. crowley unable to kill them, so he goes after the innocents dean left behind. how does he cope with that?

when he’s taking whatever he’s taking it’s because crowley and his goons kidnapped lisa and ben, and this is only going to get worse for him soon...

but in the scene with ben, when he says, “just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you should stick around and screw up their life,” he tells ben, “if i stayed, you’d end up just like me,” and this is absolutely the most horrible thought in the world to him. he says ben can choose any road he wants, but for dean, there’s only that one.

and ben says being like him wouldn’t be so awful (”Why do you say it like you're so...bad?”/"Well, trust me, I'm not someone you want to aim to be.” ben doesn’t see badness in him, and ben is frankly an awesome kid, he and lisa both care, he and lisa both stand up to dean’s excuses, and all of them are suffering. anyone who hates the braedens...miss me with it). ben says family is there to love you even when you’re being a dick, and that he’s a liar and that he’s walking out on them, and he’s not wrong. dean knows that, and dean looks like he’s been kicked in the chest (that would hurt less), because ben is sitting there calling him family, something he likely didn’t think he ever deserved to be to them. but the thing that caught me seeing this again is the way ben said it wouldn’t be a bad thing, being like dean. lisa tells dean earlier that she always wanted someone for ben to look up to.

i think i deleted the post i made about 6x05 (i shouldn’t have, 6x05 is a WHOLE thing unto itself, especially in the aftermath of what happened) and 6x06 (i’ve deleted so many of these)? but dean and veritas have this exchange:

Dean: You're covered in blood until you're covered in your own blood. Half the time, you're about to die. Like right now. I told myself I wanted out, that I wanted a family.

Veritas: But you were lying.

Dean: No. But what I'm good at is slicing throats. I ain't a father. I'm a killer. And there's no changing that. I know that now.

i have a gifset in my queue of cas’ confession bc i care about the words and want to reclaim them, but the thing is...cas got to say it in the most straightforward way, but people have been telling that same thing to dean for years, that he’s not a killer, that his actions are for love. sam does (you sacrifice everything for me). lisa and ben do. bobby even does (you’re a better man than your daddy ever was). and on the list extends. they just don’t say it in the literal words, but it’s there. WE always knew it. the thing that really struck me with ben in his openness is that saying he might be like dean is not ABOUT dean being a hunter. he doesn’t see dean as a killer. he sees the man, the human heart, in an earnest way. it’s dean who can’t, who can’t allow himself to, who doesn’t afford himself that luxury, even when he’s the epitome of humanity. he sees the weapon.

and that conversation with Veritas would hold SO MUCH unbelievable impact now, since we got to finally hear, “Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer.” “That’s not who I am.” think of the resonance of that! the defiance! ten years later! 

but instead, no, that’s not the parallel. the parallel is his echoing prediction - covered in blood until you’re covered in your own blood - coming true.

"There's no real bad guy here; just the inexorable sense that tomorrow doesn't hold anything more promising than today.”

so anyway i could scream!

[elizabethrobertajones]

Do you think we were supposed to be getting MOC!Dean vibes from how excited Dean was to have the Colt back? I mean, he got pissy when the First Blade was taken from him to, though he ultimately ended up giving that to Cas, but y'know... willingly. Idk where I'm going with this, just something I thought of...

Yeah, idk if it was meant to be exactly like Dean and the First Blade but he was definitely being a bit obsessive about it :P Once you sleep with something under your pillow you cross a line where if this was the sitcom version of the show the next day he’d walk into the library and Sam and Cas would have hung an intervention banner :P 

I mean I don’t think we need to go over Dean’s detailed history with the Colt, either in actions or emotionally how much was connected to it and the obvious security a kill-anything weapon has to your well-being (a rare feeling for him although 12x18 proved that could be preeetty useless when not applied properly anyway)… but he was also personifying the gun and he does this with the car and I guess in a way it’s stuff he puts a bit of himself into. 

(I watched 9x10 recently enough to still be laughing at Crowley calling the car Dean’s phallus on wheels - I don’t think that’s an accurate representation of what Baby is to Dean, and 11x04 showing her as a protective womb and somehow almost cosmically attuned to him as a friend is way more accurate, if we don’t go with her being a representation of his soul. But hands down she is feminine and not just because he calls her so, but symbolically. But the Colt. Definitely a phallic representation for Dean.)

But his weirdness about the gun got him in trouble in 12x18, that the bad guys got the better of him, and, well, the dude in 5x09 who complained why do they not put their weapons on a bungee? Highlights the problem of relying on a kill-anything weapon (and pfft now I think about it like this - WAS that foreshadowing that they gain and lose the Colt in one episode immediately after that because Dean dropped it after Lucifer threw him across the field? :P)

I think the problem is this is such a coveted item, it’s its own curse. And I just spent a moment trying to think of what other thing in pop culture I could compare this to aside from the obvious of the One Ring and realised I was thinking of season 3 and the Colt. So. Uh. I feel like there’s a very obvious comparison to some item that was only got through stealing and was its own curse but my brain is ALSO now just saying, hey, rabbit’s foot in 3x03, and at this point I give up. My brain is a mess of Supernatural and I can’t remember anything else any more. 

Anyway, it’s not something spelled out in the text like that, but right before the Colt comes back into play, like bungee guy and his warning about losing weapons, we have this:

SAM It’s a hell of a luck charm.

BOBBY It’s not a luck charm, it’s a curse! She made it to kill people, Sam!See, you touch it, you own it. You own it, sure, you get a run of good luck to beat the Devil.But, you lose it, that luck turns. It turns so bad that you’re dead inside a week.

SAM Well, so I won’t lose it, Bobby.

BOBBY EVERYBODY LOSES IT!

(Lol to “beat the devil” I hate this show sometimes)

Obviously Colt didn’t make it AS a curse - he made it to kill demons and lock a Devil’s gate shut… But from the outset it has the problem that because it can LOCK the gate it can also OPEN it. So the very earliest we see the Colt is two demons coming to get it from Samuel Colt; it’s a beacon of potential and Colt may have used it for good, but there’s an immediate reaction of interest to use it for bad, because it’s power, and power, of course, corrupts. (Like the ring of power, or the First Blade comparison, as two items specifically about the corrupting influence of dark bad power) 

But still. Once it’s there…

SAMUEL COLT (nods) Not bad. (Samuel opens his jacket so Sam can see the colt in his holster) You don’t want it. It’s a curse. Believe me.

SAM Great. Then let me take it off your hands.

Sam actually is given the Colt (and that scene now to me feels like 9x11 riffed off it a LOT - Dean taking the Mark from Cain feels almost identical in mood, only Sam taking on this “curse” was a lot more benign, unless of course it somehow twists time and fate up to make the Colt so much of their problem in the future). Anyway, he takes it to Dean seemingly with permission and no hard feelings from Samuel Colt, and so it’s sort of got a sense of ownership to them, but not exactly the strongest, especially as it may have just been on loan.

Best I can guess, based on the Elkins connection, after they disappeared back to the future, Elkins the bartender came out and saw the ash and had no interest in it, but did see the Colt and took it, then when Samuel Colt came to town it was like no i never saw no gun, and Colt assumes Sam took it (and hey he did want to pass on that curse :P) and that’s it. Elkins passes it down through his family, Daniel Elkins sort of can’t believe what he’s got, and maybe for all we know was a hunter because having the Colt invites trouble and his family had a history of it and had to learn the hard way.

Dean steals the Colt from him in 4x03, and fails to use it while discovering how their family is well and truly cursed with Mary’s deal. 

John wanted it from Daniel Elkins and never got it from him while he was alive because I bet Elkins did not want to share that curse and had some fear about what it would do to John - the Elkins family having it is sort of like Bilbo having it all the time in the shire - he messes around doing party tricks with his magic ring, but the plot doesn’t come for HIM. 

Vampires eventually steal it, John steals it from them, he gives it again to Dean, but retains a loose ownership of being the one who’d be mad about wasting bullets, even if Sam and Dean wave it around and shoot it a few times, John reclaims it and gives it to Azazel. Azazel gives it to Jake. Sam steals it from Jake, Bela steals it from Sam, gives it to Crowley who gives it to Dean, and then immediately steals it back from him and gives it to Ramiel. Ramiel is killed for it by Sam (unintentionally) and Mary steals it, for Mick who gives it to Sam, who gives it to Dean, who Cas steals it from, who loses it to Dagon, who melts it and the poor ghost of Samuel Colt, haunting miles of railroad in the middle of Wyoming, suddenly has his spirit freed and goes up to Heaven at long last like, finally :P 

Pretty much everyone who either steals it or has it stolen from them is killed for it or because of this struggle - losing it is a safer way to not die, so Dean dropping it at the end of 2 time travel escapades, or after attempting to kill Lucifer, sort of means the gun falls off the radar, in a kind of threw it into the deepest ocean way, where it stops being on the board. But the curse is clear and the power struggle for it. 

I think this sort of desirability of it as an item IS the curse, and Dean is best placed of anyone in the world to know about it because he’s been not just connected to the story all along, but also with the time travel things, especially 4x03, intimately connected with its  history in a really weird way. He was the one who shot the phoenix, after all, even if Sam got the Colt in the first place. Dean being the last “true” owner of the Colt is a nice way to end it, in that Dean is the centre of the universe way. But also that Sam brought it to him and Mary stole it for them - the family history, the family curse… (I still think Samuel Colt’s journal was in the Campbell library because there was a family connection)

Also it’s great Cas stole it and shot it and had a part in that - also mirroring Eileen’s attempt to shoot Dagon, which makes me feel like she’s part of the family and should marry Sam >.>

ANYWAY all that said, I think that’s the curse/pull of the Colt, the sort of “my precious” feeling that would come from it. It’s an object soaked in blood and in the supernatural world that seems to leave a mark. I think the gun was actually almost bonded to their story or to Dean, and he would have the Gollum-like intensity over it because it’s been his for hundreds of years all through its existence, in the “i’m my own grandfather” way time travel messes with things. And I think that it wasn’t EVIL per say but the “curse” had a truth to it that Samuel Colt couldn’t even begin to understand what he’d created, and what it would become. And all the people who died for it - all that power and all that swapping hands? If ownership puts a bit of something into a thing like Dean personifying Baby until she looks out for him in turn like 11x04 showed, then think of the gun going through all those hands, and all the evil or desperation they poured into it while coveting its power.

I don’t think it necessarily drove Dean mad in the way if we had a longer arc with it it MIGHT have Gollum’d him like the First Blade did but for the 3 episodes he owned it, it definitely seemed like a danger and I think this is why he was susceptible to it. I think 12x18 in a way might be a great thing to rewatch for Dean and the Colt - how it influenced him in that time, that he was sloppy and filled with bravado… I said in my notes for that episode that he was happily waving his phallic gun around that represented a sort of power and therefore virility he doesn’t normally feel - a GOOD feeling about himself, self-confidence and self-assuredness, and so Dean hooking up felt a natural part of exercising that power. But it made him reckless and vulnerable and so he ended up being the damsel tied to the chair and thrown in a meat locker. Sam, who had a tearful reunion with the Colt and saw it in a completely opposite light to Dean, as a dangerous, cursed tool, as Samuel Colt said and Sam knows full well, had a clarity about it.

I think if Sam kept the Colt Cas probably wouldn’t have stolen it, and the Colt would still be un-melted, because a totally different story would have been told.

But it got to Dean. It probably wouldn’t have CHANGED him long term, but the immediate personality effect was all over 12x18 and it suddenly filled a huge part of the emotional drama of 12x19 where Cas stealing it became a Cas or Colt situation and they were weirdly paralleled closely together (as well as that weird sexual side to Dean owning the Colt that 12x18 explored, being used with the Colt being in his bed, and Cas stealing it from there…) - if it had been some other McGuffin and not The Colt with all its history I think Dean also would have been a lot more chill in 12x19, and not be betrayed, and not waver even for a second to seem like he was messed up enough to be weighing the worth of the Colt against Cas in the first place. 

I don’t think if the Colt hadn’t been melted it would have had a long term affect on their relationship even if Dean would have been upset about Cas taking it…

I am still wondering if they’ll develop that Cas nearly died FOR Mary to steal it and if Dean would ever clearly be made aware that the BMoL stole it from Ramiel and that’s why they were there and what Mary was doing.

I want more on the cursed family history and whether they mention the Colt or not in that, it just existing for a moment in this season has dragged up more than enough of that…

Okay I have way too many thoughts about this ask I went way off point with. 

But yeah, I don’t think the Colt ACTUALLY would have been like the Mark of Cain and First Blade to Dean, but metaphorically that’s the emotional impact it had, with the family history and HIS history with it being the Mark, and the Colt of course being the Blade.

[blessyourhondahurley]

Stronger Than Any Spell

Dean and Cas have widely differing opinions on a movie.(Warning for both men getting a bit triggered around past trauma...)

Suptober prompt: Enchanted Flufftober prompt: Love Language Fictober prompt: "It’s my name on the line." Inktober prompt: Crabby

(Read on AO3)

“Dean, please don't be crabby about this with me,” Cas pleaded.

“I'm not being crabby,” Dean replied crabbily. “I just don't understand why you would want to get up and walk out in the middle like that. It's a good flick, man. I thought you'd be into it. If my movie recommendations are that far off base, well, it's kinda like it's my name on the line, y'know?”

~~~~~

Movie night had started the way it always did: with Dean unilaterally deciding which film they'd be watching.

“Tonight I'm showing you Ella Enchanted. I know it's not our usual kind of thing, but with Sammy out of the Bunker I figure we can watch one of my more, uh, offbeat favorites. You need to promise to never tell him about this, though, okay? Okay. Anyway, yeah, it's like a fairy tale or whatever, but it's funny, and there's a good soundtrack. Plus it's got Anne Hathaway and Hugh Dancy and Vivica A. Fox and Cary Elwes and Minnie Driver in it, which, mmm, that is a buffet right there...”

He'd continued to orate in this manner for several more minutes. Cas had tuned him out and used the time to mentally plan their grocery list for the coming week, as usual. Dean always had much to say about any given movie, to the point that he'd seem to be trying to convince Cas to like it ahead of time. Regardless of Dean's powers of verbal persuasion, though, they'd be watching this movie tonight anyway, and Cas preferred to avoid “spoilers” beforehand.

Finally, Dean's speech had trailed off, and he'd hit Play on the remote. Cas had settled in next to him and relaxed, content to let the story unfold.

This story, however, had unfolded in a rather upsetting manner. The Fae custom of giving magical gifts to certain high-born infants rang true to his experience. But the fact that the poor child was placed under an onus of obedience had made him itch a bit, metaphorically speaking. As the film had continued, and it became clear that the story hinged on a pair of lovers kept apart by, essentially, mind control, Cas had started to feel nauseated and a bit weepy. Unable to abide these feelings, but not wanting to disturb Dean's enjoyment, he'd assumed a quick retreat to be the correct course of action.

No sooner had he stood, though, than Dean had stopped the movie and stood with him, his face contorted with worry.

~~~~~

“I don't get it, sunshine,” Dean wheedled. “I thought you liked movie night.”

“Dean, you know I do,” Cas replied. “Quality time is my 'love language' just as much as it is yours.”

“Then where are you going??” There was a note to his voice, an edge of panic. Belatedly, Cas realized that his abrupt attempt at departure had been as triggering for Dean as the movie had been for him. He decided that perhaps it was time to begin airing some of their old wounds.

“I feel... Uncomfortable... With the 'enforced obedience' aspect of this plot. The fact that Ella is being controlled, prevented from acting as she wishes with the man she loves due to external forces... You could say it hits a little too close to home.” He looked at his boyfriend beseechingly, willing him to understand.

After a moment, Dean did. “Oh... Oh, shit. Uh. Oops. I didn't connect those dots when I picked this movie. I'm so sorry, baby.” Dean stepped closer to him, and they wrapped their arms around each other.

“It's alright Dean, you can't be expected to anticipate my reaction to every stimulus. For my part, I did not realize in the moment that it would be upsetting to you if I were to leave suddenly.” Pressed chest to chest as they were, Cas could feel their racing hearts starting to slow as they each calmed from their respective trauma response.

“Guess we've both still got a lot of baggage, huh?” Dean murmured in his ear.

“We do. At least we can help each other in carrying it.”

“I like that, sweetheart.” Dean chuckled and pecked him on the cheek. “Well, I think this movie night is a bust. Here, let me just skip to the end. There's a dance number that I know you're gonna love.”

[supernaturalgirl31]

You're role is to be with me y/n

Y/N was at a river watching the water fall when she heard wings . She looked over and saw castiel.

"My bothers send you?" "No i came on my own but dean did tell me you were upset " "ya will hearing that my bothers have a big role to play for the 17th time kind of pushed over the edge. " "but your not on a edge y/n you by a river " said castiel. She sighs "its a Metaphor cass its another way of saying im angry that they have a role and i dont "

Castiel looks at her . "But you do have a role y/n " she turned to him . "Oh ya and juat what is this role i play . Cuz i dont know Castiel. " he walks over and tacks her hand and they walk to a bench were he pulled out a box and handed it to her . "Whats this castiel?"

"Just open it"

She did as told and saw this

"Oh my god castiel this is beautiful but why are you giveing me this i don't understand?"

"I know you guys have the tearm soul mates . Will back in heaven if you found your soul mate you give them something that has a bit of there grace in it . " she still looks confused. He tock the necklace and put it on her . "Y/N you may not have a part were you are a Vessel like dean and sam do . But instead you have a bigger role to play . " "and what would that be castiel?"

"Being my mate"

Y/N smiled and kissed him on the lips.

[mittensmorgul]

So, Signs that 15x20 isn't real: El Sol beer; warm, saturated lighting; Dean's choice of clothes. Signs the writers were silenced: cut-out-tongue-vampire-thing. Sign it's about sexual repression: Vampires! Sign it's all about the gay: Dean was nailed from behind. Anything else to add to that list of symbols? Because this looks like the writers winking SOS at us in a kidnapper's video.

oh gosh... I keep meaning to rewatch the finale and make a full list of it all, because this is tip of the iceberg stuff. But I just... heck I just don’t want to watch it again :’D

That rewatch is on the agenda, and I’m currently watching 15.09 on the eternal loop. According to the TNT schedule, they’re showing 15.20 on Tuesday, looping directly back to the pilot immediately afterward. So... if I do decide to watch that (and I haven’t decided yet), that’s... gonna be some wild whiplash...

But anyway, back to the question!

You have a pretty good list going there...

I’ll add these things that made the episode feel like not-a-finale:

-no Road So Far segment, or even any sort of “important moments from the last 15 years that brought us to this point” sort of montage/retrospective of their lives

-no Carry On Wayward Son at the beginning, but TWO versions of it back to back at the end

And these things that were just general wtf moments for me:

-Sam? cooking breakfast? since when does Sam make breakfast, ever? that’s Dean’s thing

-Dean, with a dog? since when has Dean ever wanted a dog? That’s Sam’s thing

-Dean makes his bed, and it looks messier when he’s done than before he started (this is... not Dean-like... I actually went back and checked previous shots of his room)

-they never, not once in the episode, act like they have even one (1) single friend or any sort of goal or direction in life, which is weird...

-apparently they’d been unable to find a hunt, making it seem like the supernatural world had been quiet (for a moment I thought maybe monsters were no longer a problem in a post-Chuck world), until they stumbled on a hunt out of nowhere after choosing to go to a pie festival... as if the moment they chose to do something to move on and just have fun, suddenly there was work for them to do and they immediately abandoned everything to hunt these mystery monsters from John’s journal, which turned out to be a trap for them (specifically for them? considering the rando s1 vampire seemed to have lured them there?)

-The fact Dean recognized this vampire he never even interacted with and somehow magically knew her name, despite it never having been stated in canon and, again, Dean never having interacted with her outside of watching her escape with the vampire who actually DID bear them a grudge from 1.20...

-the weird lingering close up shot of the rebar during the fight scene

-the invocation of “destiny” and “don’t have a choice” as they went into a freaking pie festival... this hits bad right now because I’m rewatching 15.09 in the background as I type this, and it was almost word for word what the Dean in Chuck’s vision of the future said to Sam as they resigned themselves to go off on their final hunt (which was vampires btw), which they lost because in the next scene Sam and Dean have become vampires and are both killed... so like... this was Chuck’s story. The trappings might’ve been different, but it was still fundamentally the same... Cas locked away in a terrible place (ma’lak box in Chuck’s story, Empty in Dabb’s), Dean resigned to his fate because of a vampire hunt gone bad.

-then the pie festival itself... Dean’s got a huge tray with half a dozen different varieties he’s excited to try (purchased from Dabb’s Pies...), is eager to taste them all (like... metaphorically trying out different “apple pie life” ending scenarios, because he’s finally free to explore and maybe he actually wants the pecan pie life...), but before he can even taste the first bite, Sam... chooses one and smashes it in Dean’s face.

-even weirder, Dean never once in the episode says Cas’s name, or seemed even once to give a dang about Cas at all... and handwaved it when Sam mentioned Cas and Jack. It had been like... days, on screen (if they’d intended for more time to have passed, they would’ve indicated that on screen, and they did not... they showed us MAYBE three days passing since the events of 15.19). So like... did Dean have a personality transplant or what. Sam says Cas’s name in the ep, Bobby says it in Heaven. Dean... never does. Which is weird, considering how many times he’s said Cas in canon over the years, to the point it’s literally become memes...

-jumping around a bit here, but why Masked Vampires? Why had John failed to figure out they were vampires originally? Because he believed vampires were extinct? because he hadn’t been told they existed at all yet when he’d confronted them in 1986? Was John suddenly just A Bad Hunter after years of canon reinforcing that he was actually a really good hunter?

-and why THIS WEIRD CONGLOMORATION OF JOHN-RELATED CASE NONSENSE? From his journal to the murder clowns to rando vampire from their first vamp hunt? It’s like the perfect storm of erasing the last 15 years just to “bring it back to the start” to end it all like it could’ve had this been s1 still.

-speaking of John, and the El Sol in Heaven... WHY would Bobby hand Dean “John’s Beer” in Heaven? Especially since Dean expressed the fact that he didn’t even like it? Like... why wouldn’t he have been handed a beer he actually ENJOYED in Paradise? Why force a John Beer on him when he could literally have anything he wanted?

-and why was Heaven for Dean, in a place where he could literally have anything he wanted, go anywhere and do anything, why was he just driving through the woods along back roads? After years of talking about how he wanted to go “toes in the sand,” take a vacation, go fishing, or even finally get to eat a piece of pie? Or like ANYTHING he’d talked about wanting to do over the years that he never had a chance to... but apparently the thing he’d arguably spent the most time during his life doing is the only thing he wanted to do now that every possibility was open to him? Yeah, no that’s stupid...

-Tree (the final shot of 15.04 with bobblehead Sam and Dean by the tree like they didn’t have a thought of their own, Chuck’s plastic figurines dancing on his orders, very much like where they randomly parked and had the “vamp mime” conversation)

-Dean casually resorting to the threat of torture after YEARS of the show condemning this choice. Dean gratuitously being “a killer” when his acceptance of the fact that that’s not who he was in the previous episode was literally the thing that defeated Chuck... like... this was entirely stupid...

-just... the pacing of the episode was so weirdly wonky, with random cuts and no sense of time passing anywhere, nor interconnectedness between scenes, and the weirdly uncomfortable interminable death scene. Like, it looked like the death scene of a soap opera heroine. It was upsetting when Dean hit the spike and realized what had happened, but then he just... lingered... dangling on the hook for Sam’s benefit. Like Dean was nothing more than set decoration like a framed portrait for Sam to hang up and walk away from. Which is weird... and stupid... Dabb knows how to do pacing, and it’s like he forgot everything he ever knew about writing to force this “good way to die” trope, as if the previous 15 years of the show hadn’t been spent denouncing (and Dean finally overcoming) this mindset of “I always knew I’d go down swinging” or whatever. WHY. IT WAS STUPID.

-Wig

there’s probably more, but I’m tired and have reached my daily limit for the wtf of this episode >.>

Anyone else, please feel free to add more.

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 04x04

Metamorphosis

“I feel bitchy but not as bitchy as this fkn cunt.” (Dean was on the screen for the recap)

“Is this the one where we learn that Sam is drinking demon blood?” “That’s a nice little chain thing” “Fkn digital cameras” “Who is the bigger slut? Sam or Dean? I think it’s clearly Dean, but the demons think it’s Sam” “Is that the best facial expression you can do? A twitchy noise. What a jackass” “So he fkn just exorcises them like Darth Vader? Welcome to the Dark Side, bitch” “That’s exactly what I thought we’d see - Dean noticing Sam is changing” “Jensen’s Ankles” “What the fuck kind of shirt are we wearing now?” “Is that supposed to be some sort of silk shirt? Why wear the undershirt if it’s silk? It doesn’t look silky though” “bitchy” “uh huh” “So we’re focusing on Sam this episode? We haven’t focused on him so much yet” “Ok” “Gross” “Doesn’t he just explode or something?” “Don’t they eat each other or something weird? Or he explodes? Or something funny” “That’s one hell of a tapeworm buddy” “This guy has really fkn black hair. I feel like I’d see him in a Romaine ad” “Pretty sure he eyes her up and eats her” “It’s like his 8th beer or something, and he doesn’t feel drunk?” “What’s up with the high shutter speed? They usually reserve that for action scenes”

“Love the jello meat” “Didn’t we already do a rougarou?” “Why are they talking so quiet? With super close-up shots? It’s so weird” “The filming choices are just excuses to get close-ups of Jensen” “Fuck yeah dude” “That was like a chicken bone sticking out.” 🎶chicken bones🎶 then we rewound the scene to watch it again “look at that little shit. A little turkey bone. Someone went to Buffalo Wild Wings then had a good time” “WAIT. HOLD THE PHONE.” Then we rewound the Dean scene “He blows the torch but you can hear the button click, too. Was he just trying to be cute?” “KY lube is so crappy though”

KY lube really messed up my ph balance so we had to switch to a higher quality lube

Of course Dean has been days-hungry

“Yeah, I recognize the metaphor of the episode” “For a tiny little cut?” “They’re fkn married and they’re having this conversation? I feel like if I explained myself, you’d be ok with it.”

Idk. I’d be pissed to drive myself to the hospital for stitches but I’d be more upset about my Spouse turning into a rougarou

“He didn’t eat her yet?”

“What a bitch” “they can’t have this argument while driving? They gotta get all fkn Man Angry and have a parking lot bitch fit on the side of the road? Where like Sam walks to the other side of the car and get in Dean’s face and shake his fists around. Shouting is all they know. Unless they’re not fighting then they’re whispering” “Yeah, literally” “Oh yeah. Pissing” “Thats a lot of piss” “Just some random ass neighbor chopping trees? If my neighbors were busy doing that, id build a taller fence” “What’s he doing? ISn’t that his woman?” “His Man Burger Helper?” “He’s just camping out in a random apartment complex being all creepy and shit?” laughed at the lady freaking out “we’re here to save you, I guess.” That’s funny, I forgot about that” then we rewound the whole break in sequence 5x

“What is Dean looking at? Look at his eyebrows. Its funny. Then the little “heh”. Why is it so good?” “I want to string together all of Jensen’s face movements in a little video and watch it” “Oh my god. People call it Jessen’s Face Journey??”

“My condolences? What the fuck” “Does he eat the fkn bitch” “HELL YEAH BROTHER. FUCK HIM UP” “Oh he’s going to eat his ass right in front of his wife? Thats hilarious” “mmmmm delicious bacon” “I’m a rougarou bitch” “and they’re right behind him” “sure why not” “they really like trees. Tree ass wall paper and a tree painting on the wallpaper. Tree themed couch. Tree themed chairs. These people are so white” Oof. Concussion natural

“Did anyone ever count up the concussions they get? Or the number of gunshots they lose their hearing over? Or the number of times they get smacked in the face” “they over-stress the “believe me I know” thing way too much” “Is he rougging out?” “They’re quite flammable. The rougarou self-combusted. But I guess they eat a lot so maybe they have higher cholesterol? Maybe that checks out?” “That’s weird” “You don’t have to deal with the shit inside of you alone? Hmm” “Why are we looking at Sam’s reflection?” “weird time to exorcise your agency, I guess”

[inthiswhisper]

chuck: our wounds aren't healing properly. because of you. it's as if there's something festering inside of you, something that won't let go.  

-

cas: this place will bring that out in you — guilt. it was my fault the leviathan got out. it was my fault we were here the first time. i carry that guilt every day.

dean: i know you’re sorry, cas. about bel, about mom.

cas: i was talking about jack. i already apologized to you. you just refused to hear it.

dean: sorry i brought it up. maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.

cas: you didn't give me a choice. you couldn't forgive me, and you couldn't move on. you were too angry. i left, but you didn't stop me.

—

dean was right to be upset — losing everyone he cared about, chuck’s mess crashing down around him. so, he directed his anger at cas because cas was partly to blame. but chuck’s meddling — the thing dean is actually, largely mad about — wasn’t on cas and that toppled them over. which is not criticism, it’s more of a character flaw that makes him compelling, and he’s grown. but while dean’s disappointment in cas has been valid in the past, dean’s treatment of cas this time was becoming unreasonable.

cas is transparent about his faults, forthcoming about his remorse, over and over. even here he says how much guilt he carries, both past and present. dean was the one who couldn’t let it go. again, with losing his mom and rowena — the burden on his shoulders — of course he’s mad. but, like chuck told sam, dean and cas’ wound isn’t healing because dean’s anger is now festering inside of him, beyond a healthy degree, making him more willing to let cas go than let go of his own anger at cas. plus, the ‘up and leave’ of it — narratively pointing arrows at dean being deserving of cas walking out if dean was the one basically showing cas the door. 

then, the ‘you didn’t stop me’ — that cas would have stayed if dean just asked him to. even if i think cas is wrong for thinking dean didn’t care, again, dean didn’t stop him and say so. cas is one of few who never chooses to leave dean. if he does, it’s for dean, for a greater cause. that cas was pushed enough to leave this time and in this way i think shows a lot of growth, like i said before, on cas’ part. he’s recognizing that he can’t be everyone’s tool or weapon. he can’t be a metaphorical (sometimes literal) punching bag. which i don’t believe is how dean views or intends to treat cas, we know that. he cares about cas and falls apart when cas isn’t there. but because cas wasn’t around to witness the latter, the former is how cas is left to perceive their relationship, especially since dean now went too far, feeding the ‘i am only as good as i am useful’ self-perception in cas’ head. 

so, dean needed this, cas’ blunt truth. needed to hear the why of cas leaving, to spark his self-reflection and help him to express the why of pushing cas to leave. to realize cas was asking to be wanted more than needed, and to be heard and understood, if not yet forgiven. cas’ ability to grow, as i said, and be more certain in his selfhood is remarkable, and i know it’s going to encourage dean to grow. learn how to heal the decades-long pain and fear that bubbles up as anger, when it’s really grief. the consequence of him caring too much and losing too often.

[angzlicas]

Hey Alexa, thought I'd try to share this here because i believe you think the same if it's not the case I'm sorry for assuming.

I think as a fandom we need to call out what both Jared and Jensen said or didn't say. I think people want to find excuses but we've been doing this for years and even though in another cases it was taken out of context this time wasn't. I would also like for people who think we're just "never" happy with what jensen will say understand that (at least for me) that i actually look up to him a lot and i really care for him, and so when all of this happened and the fact that as an ally he didn't intervene, it really made me sad and angry. And I'm not someone who put expectations on people because it's not fair but this behavior including Jared's was disappointing in so many level. I think bob wess made an amazing video explaining why so many of us are affected by this. I know for some the first thing that bothered them was the cas's part but i think it's all of it, the cas part and the rest for simply implying, with the word used, that there's no humanity in queer people.

I just think that with everything that's happening with the laws in the us, and just in general for queer people in the world, we forget that we're not accepted yet. And it saddened me to see that even within the people i trusted, our community is not safe. Because people will use this to show that we have not a place in this fandom and that the people we've been supporting for years do not support us back.

I just can't move pass this and unfortunately I'm afraid this will never be adressed by either of them...

(oh and if you or anyone reading this doesn't feel this way, our opinion on this can coexist)

hi anon! i really appreciate your politeness about the subject. i personally think Jensen isn’t as much to blame as J*red, even though he contributed to the problem. again this is my opinion and i understand why people are upset with jen, this isn’t me giving him a pass. i watched the panel without any prior knowledge as to what was going to happen, so i didn’t have an opinion on what was being said shaped by other fans. what i saw was jensen trying repeatedly to answer the fan’s question and jp wouldn’t stop interrupting until he got out what he wanted to say. he wanted to jump on the “queer inclusivity” ship and went about it in the worst way possible. i remember actually shaking my head as he answered the question. it was a very harmful ideology that he showed to us all under the guise of support. aroace people? not valid. gay love? sexual. he used the old term used on the show, basically a slur dean used for angels when he thought they had no humanity, to describe cas and declare him not capable of romantic love. i think him ranting about cas for five whole minutes, jensen metaphorically threw up his hands and gave an answer that wouldn’t completely contradict j*red. they have to play nice since the prequel thing and since it’s the first con back, and i think jensen just didn’t know how to respond to jp’s comment. it was the last question and he didn’t appear happy ie storming off stage as soon as the panel ended. i have a million more thoughts on this since again i didn’t have any previous notions about what happened. they’re all my own. thanks for messaging!

[billiedeanhwrd]

as long as you are with me, there's no place i'd rather be

billie dean howard x fem!reader

summary: when your conservative parents kick you out for dating billie, she is more than happy to take you in🤍

warnings: age difference, mention of homophobic parents

word count: 1.7k

a/n: thank u sm for all the positive feedback on my last fic!! i'm still new to this and learning, but i'm having a lot of fun writing <3 i apologize for any grammar errors, as english is not my first language. i still hope you enjoy reading my new fic, i'd describe it as a comfort fic with lots of fluff!<33

gif credits to @honeybeawhore

billie was lying on her couch with a glass of her favorite rosé in one hand and a copy of one flew over the cuckoo's nest in the other. It had been a long and exhausting day at work and she really needed some quality time to herself.

the weather was terrible today, lucky for her and her crew that they shot everything inside today. billie could tell in the morning that a storm was coming, and now it was pouring rain.

the sound of the rain hitting the ground and the crackling of her fireplace created the perfect reading ambience. just as she was about to turn to a page in her book, her doorbell startled her. who the hell was standing in front of her mansion in this weather? at this time?

she checked the monitor connected to her security cameras that she had built in next to the front door only to see you completely soaked, and visibly freezing on her doorstep.

she unlocked the door as quickly as she could and ushered you inside. "y/n, what are you doing here?"

"i'm sorry this is the only place i could go", you managed to stutter out. you had been dating the medium for a few months now, but had never actually stayed over at her place. you were special to billie and she didn't want to risk ruining the connection between you two by going to fast. she wanted this relationship to be different from the ones she's had before, and given your rather big age difference, taking it slow seemed right to both of you.

"what hap-you know what that's not important right now, let's get you warmed and dried up first"

you followed your girlfriend into her luxurious gold-white themed bathroom and watched her as she searched for the softest towel she owned.

"here, feel free to take a hot shower first" she handed you a towel, "i'll lay out some comfortable clothes for you on the bed in the guest room, it's the room right next to this one." you nodded thankfully. "I'll wait for you in the kitchen, sweetheart" she smiled at you with that loving look in her coffee colored eyes that warmed your heart so much, you almost didn't need the shower.

you entered billie's guest bedroom feeling as if you'd just left a spa. the medium had a colossal collection of all kinds of sensual soaps, shampoos and moisturizers in her bathroom and you came out smelling like a scented candle. her guest bedroom was beautifully decorated, it was clear the older woman had great taste and invested a lot of time in the design of her home.

after drying yourself and putting on dry underwear, you glanced towards the bed. billie had laid out a baby blue burberry hoodie with matching sweatpants for you. you felt nervous thinking about wearing her clothes, especially these, not only because they were obviously expensive but also because you had seen her wear this before, you knew she liked this set and you were afraid of ruining it. all of your negative thoughts left your mind though when you carefully put on the comfortable clothes and let her sweet smell engulf you.

you treaded lightly down the stairs to the kitchen where billie was waiting for you with a freshly brewed cup of chamomile tea. she gestured for you to sit down on the high chair facing her at the countertop.

"you look cute in my clothes". you blushed. "thank you, billie, but you didn't have to give me something so costly, anything would've been alright"

"nonsense, darling" she replied, "only the best for you". she gently squeezed your hand. you looked at her like some kind of love-struck teenager, but before you could say anything, she spoke up again.

"now tell me, what caused you to walk through a storm all by yourself in the dark? you could've gotten hurt", the worried look in her eyes made your heart ache.

you looked down in embarrassment at your other hand, that wasn't covered by billie's, but placed in your lap. "my parents kicked me out". billie raised an eyebrow at you. "i know living with your parents in your late 20s isn't ideal, but i couldn't afford to move out yet" she nodded along, signaling you to continue.

"and i stupidly left my phone in the living room and when i got a new notification they saw my lockscreen...", billie tilted her head questioningly "what's your lockscreen, y/n?".

you were to shy to tell her, so you got your phone out of the hoodie's front pocket and slid it toward the medium. you heard billie chuckle,

"aww, since when am i your lockscreen, babygirl?"

you smiled sheepishly. "since that photo was taken"

your wallpaper was a picture of billie holding you close and kissing your cheek. it was taken at your first official date, she had brought you to disney land after you expressed your interest in going there and even if it might not be her thing, seeing the joy in your face and knowing she was responsible for it, made it totally worth it.

both of you looked so happy on that picture, it bewildered billie why anyone would get upset about it and you could tell, by the confused look on her face.

"i didn't tell my parents i was seeing you, they would've never approved... clearly", you explained. billie was about to ask if their issue was the age difference between you two, something she was still a little insecure about, when you continued speaking, "i knew they didn't accept gay people, but i never thought they'd set me out on the street... their own daughter", you swiped the tears away that had escaped your eyes. "i'm really sorry about showing up uninvited this late, but you were the only person i could and wanted to go to"

billie quickly made her way over to you from the other side of the countertop. "come here", you practically fell into her arms and she was more than ready to catch you, literally and metaphorically speaking.

you didn't know what exactly had set you off, telling the story about how you were suddenly homeless or the fact that for the first time in your life, you had someone you could really count on, who was there for you when you needed them and didn't make you feel like a burden for showing emotion, but you were sobbing in billie's arms. she didn't mind though, she held you close to her heart and let you cry your feelings out.

when your breathing slowed down and the crying subsided, she pressed a kiss on your head and tenderly took your face into her hands. "i'm so so sorry they did that to you, no one deserves to be abandoned by their own parents for loving someone", she softly swiped the remaining tears on your face away, "you can stay with me, as long as you want to, sweetheart"

your eyes lit up, "really? billie you don't have to let me live with you if it makes you uncomfortable just because you pity me...", you tried to argue

"i wouldn't offer if i was uncomfortable, darling, and i don't pity you, i care about you"

"okay" you reluctantly agreed, still unsure about living with her when you've never even spent the night together. billie could read you so well, she knew exactly what you were worried about.

"honey, this doesn't mean we stop taking this slow, okay? we don't have to do anything tonight or anytime you're not ready"

you nearly melted at her considerate words, "thank you, billie", you lovingly squeezed her in a quick hug.

"of course", she squeezed you back.

you yawned against her, which made billie chuckle and check her watch.

"it's already past midnight, what do you say we go to bed now, hm?" you nodded sleepily. "would you like to stay with me or sleep in the guest bedroom?" she asked kindly.

you thought about it for a second and then timidly replied, "i think i'd like to stay with you, if that's okay"

"it's more than okay, love"

billie stood up and grabbed your hand to guide you to her bedroom, which wasn't necessary , you'd follow her voluntarily anywhere but you definitely weren't complaining.

"wait for me in the bathroom, right there" she pointed behind you, "i'll bring you some comfy pajamas". billie swiftly entered the room in front of you, which you assumed was her bedroom and came out with a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt. "i hope this okay", you nodded and made your way to the bathroom to change.

after changing out of billie's clothes into a new set of her clothes that luckily also smelled like her, you headed towards her bedroom. she was already waiting for you when you arrived, but you had to stop in your tracks to admire the view.

billie's exquisite taste in interior design was again displayed in her elegant, yet cosy looking bedroom, her cream colored walls matched perfectly with her blush colored king sized bed, armchair and lamps. but what captivated you the most was the woman in this resplendent room. billie was wearing a lacy, low cut, rose gold, satin pajama set, which made her look even more sexy and at the same time angelic than she usually did.

she patted the space beside her, eager for you to join her. you switched off the lights and climbed into her bed. billie was laying on her side, turned towards you and instinctively took you into her arms when you settled into the bed, you embraced the older woman and possessively placed your leg on top of hers.

"goodnight, billie" you whispered before sleep was able to consume you. "goodnight, honey" she whispered back.

you nuzzled her neck affectionately and placed your head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. the storm was still going strong outside and you were overwhelmed with love and gratitude for your girlfriend. ending the day cuddled up in her bed was not something you expected. Sure, today started off horribly, but at the end of the day, you were safe and warm, next to someone who really cared for you, and you wouldn't want to exchange that for anything in the world.

[apocalypseornaw]

Walk Away-3

After so long apart you finally agree to see Sam and tell him the truth

You groaned as you sat back against the wall hoping this newest wave of nausea would pass.. It was normal according to the obgyn Tasha had helped you get into. You had just entered into your second trimester and found out the gender of the baby at your last appointment. She was growing perfectly and doing a number on your insides in the process. You heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see Max leaned against the doorway leading into the bathroom with a cup of tea in his hand. He held it out to you with a smile “Ginger tea with honey and lemon” You thanked him as you took the cup and allowed yourself a small sip of the warm liquid. 

He walked a little further into the room before sitting down next to you his long legs stretched out in front of him “Donna Hanscum called again” you nodded before saying “That doesn’t really surprise me..has Jody and the girls started their rounds again?” he let out a sharp laugh “Not yet, it holds them off when they can talk with you but I had to tell Donna you weren’t here considering you don’t want Sam to know you’re currently starting to move past smuggling a basketball into smuggling a beach ball” “He doesn’t need to know” you mumbled but Max shook his head “He loves you Y/N. I don’t know what happened but he wouldn’t be trying this hard to get you to talk to him if he didn’t”

You leaned your head back against the wall then rolled your head over to look at Max “If and it’s a big if but if I was to agree to see him and Dean could you put a glamour on me?” his eyes went to your ever growing stomach “Oh you mean to hide the bump?” you nodded and he scratched his chin in thought then nodded “I think I can manage that with Alicia’s help. I’ll call Erik too, he's better at stuff along those lines” “Thanks Max and thank Erik for me too” he stood to go call Erik who was his boyfriend of a little over three years. You’d known him for a while but had gotten to know him better over the last few weeks considering his mom was your doctor. “When are you going to call Sam?” he asked from the door so you shrugged “When Jody calls I’ll tell her it’s fine to give Dean my new number then go from there” he nodded then walked out the room.

------

Sam was sitting at the table in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee and trying to ignore just how much the bunker itself seemed to miss your presence. How had he messed everything up this bad? How had Dean been able to see just how much pain you were in but he couldn’t? Christ he was an idiot. If he could do it over he would have never gone on that very first hunt where all of you met Lila.

She didn’t hold a candle to you. You were...hell you were a force of nature. Everyone who knew you was drawn to you. You were caring but strong, courageous but smart. You would dive in feet first to help someone you cared about and even strangers. He’d seen you go toe to toe with more than one demon just to save a life. You were a soft touch when needed but also was the first to make someone shake off any self doubt and get their fire back.

When Alex had needed help paying for college you’d found grants seemingly out of thin air. When Patience would get upset about her broken relationship with her father she’d call you. You were one of the few people Claire would take advice from without rolling her eyes.

As for the way you’d changed not only his life but Dean and Cas’ as well he didn’t have the words for. Dean never got a chance to withdraw into himself with you around because you’d be at his door slipping new cds under it or bribing him out with food and western movie marathons. Cas always seemed to brighten up when you walked into a room because you never let a day pass without reminding him just how important he was to what you called your family group.

When you’d come into Sam’s life you’d knocked him flat on his ass metaphorically speaking and literally speaking. He’d ended up catching a punch from you on accident. Dean had teased him that your right hook was what made him fall in love with you. Looking up to see a woman as beautiful as you were apologizing but calling him an idiot for getting in your way at the same time did help matters. From that day forward you were all he could think about. The day you finally moved into the bunker was the happiest day of his life. 

The dreams of a so-called normal life was behind him but with you a new normal started to form in his mind. He never felt more whole than when you were in his arms. Waking up to you curled against his chest or with his arm around your waist was the most peace he’d ever felt. He loved you more than he ever dreamed possible to love someone after losing Jess. He felt like such a failure because he had apparently not shown you that. When you started to talk with Donna, Jody and the girls at least he knew you were alive,healthy and indeed staying with the Banes twins. 

He knew they lived near a small town on the upper west coast but that was all he did know. He wanted nothing more than to track them down and beg for the chance to see you but for now at least knowing you were ok was the best compromise he was going to get. He sighed and looked down at his laptop. He had a few news websites up but his heart wasn’t in trying to find a case, his heart was wherever you were. He could hear Dean talking to someone in the library and thought maybe he had a case until he heard Dean say your name. 

He quickly moved around the corner to see Dean pacing across the floor as he spoke on the phone. He caught a few words of what Dean was saying “Are you sure?...Yeah I promise...look you have my word...I will...ok...and sweetheart it’s good to hear from you” Was Dean talking to you? Why had you called Dean? Was something wrong? Were you hurt? He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hadn’t realized Dean had not only hung up but had called his name three times.

“SAM!” Dean spoke harshly and he blinked a few times glancing at the phone still in his brother’s hand “Was that Y/N?” Dean nodded “Yeah she told Jody it was ok to pass her new number on to me..She’s willing to see you but she has a few conditions” “Anything, I’ll agree to anything” Sam answered quickly his mind going into overdrive at the thought of seeing you. 

Dean nodded again then said “Grab your stuff. I’ll text her and let her know we’re hitting the road. I’ve got to call Max when we get close enough and he’ll come meet us to lead us up to their place”

------

“Are you sure you can’t tell?” you asked Erik for the sixth time since he’d finished the glamour. He sighed and shook his head “I’m sure. I’ve hid entire buildings, your little baby bump isn’t even a challenge” you smiled then smoothed the shirt you were wearing self consciously. 

“Alicia why did I agree to talk to Sam again?” She walked in behind you and held out a bottle of water “Because you’re still in love with him, it’s blaringly obvious no matter what happened he’s still in love with you because they’ve made the trip from Lebanon in record time. Even if today doesn’t go well at least you know you tried” you took a deep breath and nodded. She was right of course. When Erik’s phone went off you nearly jumped out of your skin but his hand on your arm kept you in place “Calm down Y/N, that was just Max. They’re coming up the driveway”

No sooner than the words came out of Erik’s mouth you heard the familiar rumble of the Impala’s engine. Any other time that was music to your ears but now it made you a little queasy. Erik shot you a smile before grabbing his jacket “Me and Max are headed into town but when you want to lower the glamour I showed Alicia how ok?” you nodded “Thanks again Erik” “Anytime”

------

You took a deep breath when you heard the boots on the porch so Alicia moved to answer the door. You weren’t in direct eyesight so you heard Dean first say “Alicia, good to see you” she greeted him then said “Hi Sam” you felt your heart flip when he said “Hey Alicia, I um thank you for being a place she could come to” “She’s always welcome wherever me and Max are and we make sure she knows it” that was one of the many things you loved about Alicia. Her words and tone of voice was friendly but the underlying venom of having comforted a hurt friend was still very much there.

“Y/N?” Alicia called out as she shut the door behind the boys as if she didn’t know for a fact you were hiding in the small hallway between the front door and kitchen. “Right here” you replied stepping around the corner. Dean smiled when he saw you “Well you’re a sight for sore eyes” you were glad when he just hugged you with one arm around your shoulders on the off chance of him brushing against your stomach.

“I see you’ve actually managed to stay alive without me which is a miracle in itself” you teased with a tense smile trying to calm your nerves before meeting Sam’s eyes. God those fucking eyes of his. You stood there for a second staring at each other before Dean turned to Alicia “You got something to drink? Alcoholic or otherwise. I’d settle for tea or coffee” she gave him a small smile before winking at you and herding him towards the kitchen.

Once the two of you were alone you both started to speak at the same time. You laughed nervously “You want to go first?” he nodded then let out a harsh breath “I’m sorry. I know that probably falls flat but I am. You are the most important person in my life. I love you with everything in me and I failed to show you that. I failed to realize how much my actions were hurting you. I made you think I wanted someone else and I pushed you away. I don’t expect you to forgive me and I don’t expect you to come back with me but I’m grateful you chose to let me come here and tell you that face to face”  You should’ve known with pregnancy hormones on top of everything else that you’d end up in tears. You wiped them away before they could fall before saying “Sam..god just tell me why? Why did you act like that towards her? Was the attachment to me the only thing stopping you? The fear of all our friends taking my side? Of your brother siding with me?” 

“Baby no” he breathed and took a step towards you but when you quickly crossed your arms over your chest and stepped back he froze in his tracks. “I guess it was the feeling of losing someone you love to a demon. I’ve been there before then with what happened to her husband. It got me thinking about what happened to Jess happening to you. That’s not an excuse because you told me that you wanted other hunters backing her and I didn’t listen but please baby please know I have never wanted anyone else since the day I met you” 

“But you didn’t listen to me Sam. That’s why I left! That’s why I came here and got them to ward me so you couldn’t find me. I couldn’t sit around waiting for you to break my heart and I’m not coming back with you no matter how much I want nothing more than to jump into your arms right now. If you want us...If you want a second chance before I tell you something I need a promise that you’ll be ok with it taking time, with me being here and you in Lebanon. I need you to actually think about it before you answer me Sam” you were trying so hard not to cry because you knew for a fact Dean and Alicia were standing just on the other side of that kitchen door waiting to intervene if you needed them to.

“I’d do anything for a second chance for us, to prove to you just how much you mean to me” you nodded slowly then called out “Alicia can you and Dean come here?” the door swung open quickly to both of them nearly stumbling over each other. “Yeah sweetie?” she asked so you braced yourself then said “They need to know” “And you’re sure?” she questioned so you nodded “Yeah I’m sure” 

“Need to know what?” Dean asked but Alicia was already repeating the words Erik had told her would drop the glamour. The moment it faded and your stomach was back visibly rounded Dean’s eyes widened and poor Sam looked like he may faint or puke. “Is that why you left?” Sam asked quietly and you shook your head “I didn’t find out until about a month after I left. That’s why I came here”

Dean recovered quicker and held a hand out “Can I?” you nodded “She is your niece after all” “Niece, so it’s a girl?” he asked with a grin. Your hand came to cover Dean’s so you could place it on the light movements but your eyes never left Sam’s as you said “Yeah I just found out last week” a light kick made Dean’s grin get bigger “Look at that. She’s strong already” “Just like her mom” Alicia replied then reached for Dean’s arm “Let’s give them another minute” Dean nodded and kissed your cheek before saying “I love you kid and I’m gonna love her too” then followed her back into the kitchen.

Sam had remained silent so you finally looked up at him “Are you going to say anything?” a slight smile slipped onto his face before he quietly said “Can I touch you now? Because I really want to hug you and feel our daughter move” you moved towards him and he pulled you against his chest without hesitation. One large hand held your back while the other rested on your stomach “I love you Y/N. I’ll prove to you that things will be different. Nothing means more to me than you and her” you smiled up at him through the tears in your eyes “I love you too Sam” 

Tags: @delightfullykrispypeach @fofisstilinski @chengukargbo @rosalynshields @hunting-the-grievers @spngirl05

[littlewetbeast]

hi! i love your tumblr fics/writing in general… sending you so much love and appreciation! if you’re taking requests and if the mood takes you… do you think you could write something about dean’s lack of hunger? i’m obsessed with it as a concept, it’s fascinating! i don’t think we talk about it enough :( happy 4th july!

Note: timeline is a bit muddy - set roughly in kripke & gamble era, s4-s7. Warning: very vaguely NSFW, depressive and suicidal feelings Word count: 2k

It’s always the little things that end up getting to him, in the end. The server glances at his unfinished plate of food, and with a tilt of her head says, “Not to your liking, honey?” He stills. A tight sensation coils in his stomach. “I’m good,” Dean says, flashing her a smile, willing every muscle to relax. “Just had a big lunch.” He pats his stomach for show. She nods, leaving it at that, and brings him his bill. Dean reminds himself that there is no need to check around the diner to see if anyone heard it. He rubs his greasy fingers on the napkin and downs the rest of his beer, leaving an extra large tip with the odd hope that it will, somehow, quell the unease deep in his gut. It doesn’t. Then again, nothing ever does.

* * *

The reality is - he gets the urges. He gets the pangs of hunger and the dry-mouthed thirst; the deep aches for rest; the need for an extra long shower with his hands on himself, gritting his teeth to bite back the noise. Dean has basic desires and fleeting wants. All of them remain only surface-deep - they never soothe the gaping void in his chest, or the sensation that he is rotting from the inside out. Dean tried to explain it to Sam once. After seeing the way his mouth twisted with pity while he listened, he vowed never to bring it up again. He peers into his drink, his tongue darting out to wet his numbing lips while he drums his fingers absently against the glass. Dean’s not sure how many he’s had now, but he has enough muscle control that as he waves down the bartender for another one, he isn’t met with protest. It takes him far too long to realise someone has appeared on the stool next to him. Mind moving sluggishly, he realises that the stillness with which they arrived means they can only be one person. “Not seen you in a while,” Dean says, still looking into his drink, eyeing the sorry drop that’s left. “Hello, Dean,” Cas says, voice low. Dean knows for sure he’s had too much now, because the sound of him instantly sends a flush across his cheeks, one he can’t blame solely on the alcohol. He lifts the glass to pour the last drop onto his tongue, for something to do.

“How’s all that angel crap going?” Dean says as he sets the glass back down, not bothering to dampen the slur of his voice as the bartender brings him his next drink. “It’s fine,” Cas says, a little curtly. He shifts on the stool, half-turning against him. “Sam wondered where you’d gone.” Dean snorts and takes another sip of his drink. “He sent a babysitter.” “He’s been worried about you,” Cas says. Dean hums, licking his lips again. “I’m fine, Cas,” he says. He turns towards him, roaming his eyes across him lazily, then grins, big and toothy. “I’m wonderful. Peachy. Having a swell ol’ time.” As if to prove it, he lifts the glass up with a jerk, inadvertently sloshing some of the liquid onto his fingers. He swears and puts it down on the napkin, sloppily licking his fingers. Dean only barely has enough self-control to stop himself from making a sensual show of it.

Cas doesn’t say anything. Dean can feel the weight of his gaze, but he now feels unable to look at him. After a moment, he hears Cas call the bartender over. “Whatever he’s having, please,” he says.

Dean feels himself sink into the seat, releasing tension in his body he hadn’t even known was there. As Cas receives his drink and lifts it to his lips, Dean watches. He’s too drunk now to be able to look away; the willpower it takes is already challenging while sober. Cas maintains eye contact as he takes a sip, and something in his eyes keeps Dean’s gaze locked to him. The urges, as always, are there - even if they are inhabiting a dead man.

He’s starting to feel the latent effects of the previous drinks now, buzzing underneath the surface of his skin. Dean takes another long sip, relishing the burn of it at the back of the throat, and Cas doesn’t say anything more. He remains a warm, solid form next to him as they drink. None of them push each other further, and Dean is grateful for it. By the time the glass is empty, the full effects of the alcohol is working its way through his body, sending the room into a hazy spin, with Cas being the only steady thing left. Dean vaguely registers being taken out of the bar, feeling the bite of the night air on his skin, cooling the warmth on his cheeks.

“I’m not really hungry, Cas,” Dean says, eventually, as he begins to register his feet moving under him. “You’re not making any sense,” Cas says, his breath hot in his ear. Dean desperately wants to lean into it. He realises now that he’s been talking for a while.

“I told you,” Dean says, “I’m not really hungry.” He laughs, a sharp bark that punctures the still midnight air. “You’re upset because you’re not hungry,” Cas says slowly. Dean snorts inelegantly. “Dude,” he says, “I’m upset because you fucked up.” He disentangles himself from Cas from a second, and realises swiftly his mistake as he wobbles around, waving his arm at something to grab at. Eventually, his arm is clasped by Cas, bringing them together again. Dean makes a half-hearted attempt to separate himself from him, but there is nothing solid around to steady him except for Cas. He feels giddy now, inane laughter bubbling up from his chest. “I’m not all here, man,” Dean says. “There’s something missing.” A bizarre thought occurs to him. “I’m not soulless, am I?” “No, Dean,” Cas says. Dean shakes his head. “You angels ever get that feeling where,” he snaps his fingers, clumsily, “you keep worrying you’ve left the oven on?” “No,” Cas says. “Well, it’s like that,” Dean says, swinging his finger emphatically. “You did that. Except it was me. I was the oven.” They shuffle along quietly for a moment, Dean slumped into Cas, pulling back every urge to nuzzle into his neck. “I’m very confused by this metaphor,” Cas says eventually. “Yeah, ‘cause you’re the one who left it on,” Dean says, as if explaining to a toddler. “I see,” Cas says, resignation laced in his voice.

This time, Dean can’t help but nuzzle into him. “I should be pissed at you, you know,” Dean says into his ear.

Cas doesn’t say anything, seemingly focused entirely now on keeping Dean upright, urging him to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Dean wonders if Cas ever expected himself to be abandoning his heavenly missions in favour of dragging a drunk man home. “No,” Cas says. Dean realises he’s saying everything out loud, and snaps his mouth shut. “Hey,” Dean says, deliberately this time. “Why aren’t you, uh,” he frowns, and makes his one free hand flap like a bird, “you know, just flying me back?” “Not sure how the effects would be on someone this inebriated,” Cas says. “Keys, Dean.” “We should go to Hawaii or something. Get a couple of drinks there,” Dean says. “Dean,” Cas repeats firmly. “The motel keys.” Then he starts patting Dean’s jacket down, and Dean sways in place, focused now entirely on keeping his head cool while Cas’ hands move all over him. He pulls the keys from his jean pocket, his hand far too close to Dean’s crotch for his liking, and they jingle as Cas unlocks the room. The giddiness deflates from Dean’s chest as he remembers, suddenly, why he’s here. How he had left Sam with a mumbled excuse, booked a room for just himself, because he could no longer bear how the hollowness had grown to a gaping hole in his chest; or how he had the overwhelming sensation of being nothing but a puppet, an empty vessel that was simply being manouvered into doing things he was supposed to. Drinking, sleeping, eating, hunting, teasing Sammy, flirting with girls - all things he had done before spending a lifetime in hell. He does all the same things, but they are no longer the same. This time, Dean Winchester is no longer there. He died a long time ago. “Dean?” He looks up, and realises he’s gone still in the doorway, and the image focuses slowly in his eyes. Cas is watching him with his brows furrowed together, his mouth set in a worried line. Dean feels like he should laugh again, but there is nothing left in him now but what remains at the core of him - a deep, aching nothingness. Dean swings the door shut behind him, and Cas reaches out to him as he attempts to stand on his own two wobbly feet. Smiling thinly, Dean says, “I’m all wrong.” With effort, he tugs the jacket off. It feels like it’s wound tightly around every limb, refusing to let go, but eventually he manages to peel it off. “You left a piece of me down there in the pit,” Dean says, and huffs a dry, humourless laugh. “You left the damn oven on.” For a moment, Cas says nothing. He hovers a half-step close to him, and they stand quietly while Dean’s breaths get thick and raspy, his hands trembling by his sides. “You gotta fix this shit,” he bites out, and he feels his cheeks have turned hot and wet. Dean braves the journey to the bed, with Cas’ hands securing him by his side, and he slumps down heavily on it. “You gotta,” he presses the palms of his hands into his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath, “You gotta fix this, Cas.”

He breathes into his hands, both covering his face, and he draws in a breath, then another, his whole body trembling. “I can’t do it anymore,” he says, his voice small, breaking at the end. “I can’t go on anymore, Cas.”

Dean’s hands are gripped by something warm and soft. Cas’ hands are pulling them gently away from his face, and placing them on his knees. He doesn’t make a move as Cas tenderly brushes away the tears streaking down his cheeks. He doesn’t protest as he cups his face. Distantly, he wonders if anyone has ever touched him like this, and comes up short. Cas is just inches from him, his eyes watching him like he wants nothing more than to draw out every bit of pain and ache Dean has ever experienced. Dean is gripped by the notion that he could lean forward and kiss Cas right now. It’s not the first time he’s thought it, but it’s the first time he’s let himself seriously consider it. “You need to get some sleep, Dean,” Cas says. His voice is barely a whisper off his lips.

Dean feels Cas’ hand over his forehead, and for a brief moment, he wonders if it is normal for angels to have a touch that is so unbearably tender, as if they can pour love into their skin. He feels as if something warm has filled his chest, the dry ache smoothed away, the sensation of something like peace. For one insane moment, he wants to tell Cas he loves him. He doesn’t.

Instead, he sleeps.

* * *

When Dean awakes the next morning, he thinks for the briefest of seconds that he can see a dip in the mattress, fresh from the weight of a body. As he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and shakes himself awake, he remembers that he is alone.

Dean reaches out for his phone, clumsily plugs it into his charger and waits impatiently for the screen to finally light up in a glow. He calls Sam, who has left five increasingly panicked voice messages on his phone. He ribs him mercilessly for it - What are you, an old man? Send a text like everyone else! - and then lets him know his phone had died over the night. There, nothing to be worried about.

The events of the past day feel foggy, courtesy of the hangover. Despite that, when Dean looks up in the bathroom mirror, he finds himself looking refreshed. He feels lighter than he has in years. Later, he tells Sam that he clearly needs to take more vacations away from his griping, and receives a half-hearted punch to his shoulder. "I prayed to Cas, you know," Sam says, looking at his hands. "He must be busy. Didn't answer." Dean huffs, sipping his coffee. "God, you're such a drama queen. Can't survive without your big brother for one day." "Shut up, jerk." "Bitch." Sam sends him a look, but he doesn't say more - he changes the topic, and that's that. Dean drinks his coffee as he half-listens to Sam filling him in on a new case, and he tries to recall when he last saw Cas. He wonders, briefly, if he should pray to him. His stomach flutters traitorously at the thought, and Dean swallows thickly, deciding against it.

He swirls around the remaining coffee in his cup, rubbing his chest absently, and wonders at the ache that has settled there now. Distantly, he reaches for the broken pieces of an old memory, a lingering sensation of a warm palm to his forehead.

[joviewinchester]

Let’s pretend that Mary is here to add to the *spice* Also major fluff alert. So terribly fluffy endings that they could be a danger to society. Except for the last one. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also let me know if I should write more stuff with multiple endings because this was super fun.

Imagine dating Dean when Gabriel comes back, and going to stay with Lucifer.

Dean and Y/N were currently having the biggest fight of their relationship. “I still love him Dean! I can’t help it! I thought he was dead okay?! I assumed after he went radio silent he was dead not kidnapped by a Kentucky fried douche bag!”

“Oh! Oh! That’s even better! You knew that Lucifer didn’t kill him and you didn’t think to tell us?!”

“I was protecting him you ass! He would have really died if everyone knew he was still alive!”

“Well, what now, then, huh? I was a fucking distraction from all of your baggage wasn’t I?!”

“Like I wasn’t?! You have so much fucking baggage, it adds on an extra fifty pounds!”

“Well? What about now, Y/N? Even if I’m absolutely pissed at you, I’m still and love with you, and I’ll take a wild guess from when he tried to kiss you and say that he’s still in love with you too, so now what?”

“I’m staying somewhere else for awhile, Dean. I can’t stand being here okay? I love you. You know that, but everything is just so complicated right now and I can’t deal with it.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to stay with Lucifer okay? And don’t tell me that it’s dangerous and he’s an asshole and I can’t because I don’t have anywhere to go. I’m out of options, D.”

“So what? You would rather have a sleepover with the devil than stay here?!”

“Yes okay?! And this is why! I can’t deal with the way you’re being right now! …Look, i don’t have enough energy to fight anymore. Let Gabe know where I went, and just so you know, we’re on a break.”

Dean sadly watched as she walked out of the bunker with her duffel bag on her shoulder. “On a break?” He muttered to himself.

As soon as the bunker door slammed shut, Sam walked out from his room, where he had been hiding. He put an arm around his older brother. “It’ll be okay, Dean.”

“Will it really? Because she’s going to stay with yet another archangel that she, although I don’t have proof, most likely had feelings for, and the other one is staying with us.”

“Oh yeah yeah. Cry all you want, Winchester. You think I’m not upset that she’s staying with my brother who tried to kill me?” Gabriel asked.

“Is all this really necessary? I think we should probably just let Y/N do what she wants, and not fight. She is a responsible adult, and she can make her own decisions.” Castiel chimed in.

“Oh shut up!” Dean and Gabriel said in unison.

“By the way asshole, thanks to you, me and Y/N are on a break!”

“Oh don’t blame me for that Dean-o. You did that on your own. Y/N likes to make her own decisions, and you trying to make them for her? Yeah that was not working out too well. Clearly the only reason she really left was to show that she still had control over her own life.”

“Clearly, she left because your both being completely immature grade a douchebags, who, frankly, no one wants to be around, so shut up, or get a room!” Sam exploded.

They both put their hands up in surrender. “If you really want to know what really happened with Lucifer, I’ve recently come into possession of a super top secret diary of a certain loveable hunter.”

Mary walked in on the conversation. “Don’t you two dare. Just because she left does not mean you get to just take anything from her room.”

Dean and Gabriel both shrugged and sat down at the table. Gabriel began flipping through the pages to find the right date. “Here it is. This is after I went radio silent. You said that she started hanging around with Lucifer three years after my ‘death’ correct?” Dean nodded.

“”Dear Jenny,” Wow she named her diary. Whatever that’s beside the point.

“Dear Jenny,

I definitely made somewhat of a mistake today. Well, I wouldn’t call it that, but I know that the Winchesters would. I, well, I made out with Lucifer last night.

I think I’m in love with him, but then, there’s Dean. I’m starting to think he kind of had a thing for me? But then again, it’s Dean, he probably just wants to hook up or something.

You know, for some reason, I always liked the villains more. I think it might be because, most of the time, they aren’t using a girl. They love her. They’d get down on their knees for her. They’d die for her and do anything for her, and she’d always be their queen. I don’t know maybe I’m delusional.

What would Gabe say though? There’s no doubt in my mind that I will always be in love with him, dead or alive. If I ever got the chance to be with him again, I know that I would choose him, over anyone, Dean and Lucifer included. He is, well was, the light in my darkness, and I know that I‘ll never forget him.” Gabriel closed the diary. He glanced at Dean, trying to subtly study his face. He was clearly upset, and oddly enough, Gabe comforted him.

“Hey, cheer up, okay Dean-o. Let’s look at a further entry. Her feeling about you probably changed.”

They flipped further. It was an entry from last year.

“Dear Jenny,

I almost died today. There was a nest of vampires, and I went in on my own. I feel so stupid. Scratch that. I am stupid. I was lucky, so goddamn lucky.

Dean saved me. I felt really dumb. I hate being the damsel in distress. I was hoping that by going in there, I would take them out on my own and show Dean that I don’t need protection.

He has enogh to worry about, and he is always worrying about me. If anything ever happened to Dean, I don’t know what I’d do.

I know in past entries, things I said were so different, but we’re together now. Things are so different, and I love him so much.

He is my light…in the darkness.” Gabriel trailed off on the last part.

“You make her happy Dean. She’s yours now.”

“No. You made her just as happy, and besides, it’s her decision now. For all we know, she’ll end up with Satan.”

About, a week passed and Y/N was finally home. As soon as she walked in the door, everyone could tell how drained she was. She looked like she hadn’t slept in years.

“Hi.” She gave a weak smile to no one in particular. Now was not a time to play favorites. Then again, maybe it was.

Dean- “So, as you guys know, I’ve been MIA for a week, so I’ve had lots of time to think, and I know what I want. I know that you both probably don’t even want me at this point, but, Dean I love you. I want to be with you, and it was stupid for me to just up and leave. That one week was a living hell without you. Side note, that was a horrible metaphor for me to use.”

Dean pulled her into a tight hug, and buried his face in her hair. “Don’t ever leave me alone with Gabriel and Sam ever again. I know mom and Cas are here, but no one can stop them from arguing constantly but you.” Y/N laughed a little bit.

“I promise that I’ll never leave you ever again. I uh, I bought something while I was gone.” She pulled something small out of her pocket.

“Look, I know that this is kind of untraditional, but that’s who I am. Dean for as long as I’ve known you, you never even thought about a serious relationship, until you asked me out. Like everyone we have had ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I love you and you love me. With this life, you have no idea what’s going to happen next, so I guess what I’m trying to say is, Dean Winchester, will you marry me?”

“Hell yeah! Of course. I’m just sorry you beat me to it. Before our fight, I had this whole romantic thing planned out and-“ Y/N hushed him.

“I don’t want a bunch of rose petals. You’re more than enough for me.”

Gabriel- “Um…Mary can I talk to you?” Mary nodded and followed Y/N to a separate room.

“So, I know Dean is your son, but you’re my best friend and I feel like you’re the only person I can talk to. This may not be what you want to hear, but I’m still-“

“In love with Gabriel. I know n/n. Just let Dean down easy okay? You know how he is with these things. He’s not going to get over it overnight.”

Y/N pulled her into a hug. “Thanks, Mary.”

“Now why don’t you go shower and then talk to Gabe.” Y/N nodded and went up to her room then headed to her personal bathroom.

When she got done, she walked out to her laid out clothes and almost had a heart attack. Of course he would be waiting on her.

“You know, I feel like I already know the answer to this, but do you think I could get dressed before we talk or?”

“Nah. It’s not in my programming to do that.” Y/N grabbed her laid out clothes.

“In that case, I’ll be right back.” She said heading to the bathroom once more. When she walked back out, she sat next to him on the edge of her bed.

“So…” Y/N trialed off, nervously tapping her fingers against her thigh.

“Y/N, I know you aren’t very good at confrontation and stuff like that, but you have a decision to make, and no matter what, Dean and I have both agreed to respect that, even if that choice is neither of us.”

“Gabe, I’ve already made a choice. I made a choice a long time ago. I love you. Even through the years nothing has changed the fact that I love you. You were the first guy, or archangel rather, that I fell in love with, and I want you to be the last.”

“That was the most incredibly sweet and cheesy thing you have ever said to me.”

“Oh shut up, you love me.”

“You know it, sugar.”

Lucifer- “Look, I’m not staying here anymore. I know that might be kind of hard for you guys to process, but I know what I want now, and what I want is not anywhere near this bunker, so to save us all the heartache, I’m packing my stuff up and heading out of here.” She quickly ran up to her room.

“Lucifer.” Gabriel and Dean said annoyedly at the same time.

“You guys don’t know that. Maybe she just needs time on her own.” Sam said.

“Uh... yeah no.” They all turned around, then simultaneously groaned in disgust and annoyance.

“Oh come on. Don’t give me that. I’m a delight to be around. Ask Y/N.” Lucifer stated with a cocky smirk on his face.

Mary scoffed. “You’re a self righteous asshole. I don’t know why she finds any part of you attractive.”

Y/N came downstairs carrying like five bags, and rolled her eyes. “I go upstairs for five minutes and you guys are already fighting. Look, I’m leaving okay! I can’t be here right now! So, just at least let me go peacefully.”

“Is this what your mother would have wanted?” Cas stopped her. Y/N whipped around, and dropped the bags she was holding.

“Don’t talk about my mother! She died saving your sorry ass, so screw you!” Seconds later, they were gone.

“Maybe she’s right. Maybe he is different.” Mary suggested.

“Or maybe she’s blinded like she always has been.” Dean scoffed.