#messages are open if anyone wants to talk (or bully me to write more)

[lanabuckybarnes]

Would you write a plus size reader w either bucky or steve(or both) where they are her first real relationship and she gets scared that she doesn't deserve to be with either of them and so she tries to push them away so she doesn't get hurt but instead they show her why she is their person.... like tooth rotting fluff and the filthiest smut..... if that's okay if not no worries

| All Yours, Only Yours |

18+ Minors DNI

✧Pairing✧ Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader

✧Warnings✧ A lil angsty, Sharon being a big bully (like seriously you’re 50 and you’re bullying someone? ick), Name calling, Angry Buck, Crying, Bucky is a simp, Confessions, Marking, Dry humping, Oral (F), Fingering (F), Teeny bit of cum play, Dirty talk, Unprotected PinV, Praise, Petnames, My shitty writing — again very tame for me but i didnt want to go overboard. If there any more I’ve neglected to add please let me know.

✧Word Count✧ 4.3K

✧Author Note✧ I really hope you enjoy this and I've done your request justice, I honestly tried my best but idk…Anyways!!! Much love to everyone, please let me know what you think. Love ya xxx

“Still not answering?” Natasha asks from her spot in the cockpit, concern evident from the wrinkle between her brows.

“Nope” he spits his reply, reeling from the whole ordeal. He thrusts his phone into his jean pocket, sick to the back teeth of nothing but a black screen greeting him instead of your sweet little messages.

“Did you piss her off or something?” Sam tries to lighten the mood but is swiftly shut down, his hands rising in surrender at the killer glare the brunette shot his way.

“Calm down everyone, we’ll be home soon so we can figure this out” Steve, the voice of reason commands order within the small confines of the jet. He sits, a gloved hand rubbing over his friend's shoulder trying to reassure his muddled brain but to no avail.

Bucky is pissed. He’s pissed and he’s worried sick. A week he’s been gone for and he’s missing you like crazy. The only issue? You are ignoring him, straight up ghosting his brooding ass which is completely unlike you. Often on missions when Bucky clicks his phone on he’s greeted with a flurry of messages from you; photos of little birds you see on your walks, photos of alpine taken at odd angles and constant little messages that make his heart full and ready to continue his painstaking missions—none of it, just a notification from your favourite restaurant offering a discount to keep him happy.

As soon as this jet landed he was going to get to the bottom of what was going on and then he was going to cuddle you to death as punishment. Not that he’d let anyone else know that.

One Week Earlier…

Beep beep beep. Bucky’s alarm sounds at the ungodly hour of five am, his groan following. He didn't want to get out of this bed, he was too warm, his huge body wrapped around yours. Your movements spurred his own, your arm reaching over to switch off his alarm while he pushed himself into a sit, thoughts already on the mission afoot.

“Morning,” your raspy voice purrs, bringing his attention back to you. His eyes fall to your face; following the slope of your puffy cheeks up to your barely open eyes, your hues peeking through only enough to tease him. Putting his weight on his right arm he’s on top of you before you can blink, his head tucked into the crook of your neck, peppering tiny kisses along the warm skin.

“Morning princess,” he bites back his yawn, shifting so his hips slot in their spot between your plush thighs, loving the way they wrapped around his narrow waist just the way he loved. Practice truly did make perfect. His dark vibranium fingers drifted from your collarbone, over the swell of your breast until it found its favourite perch on your hips.

“So fucking pretty” he breathes, his pupils dilating to let more of you in — until you pushed him away.

“You gotta get ready Mr” you giggle, moving your foot so you could push him further away, ruining his plan B of pinning you down by your hips.

“Don’t remind me…”

His cold left hand hooks around your ankle, pushing at it until your knee hinged, bending up and out. A suspicious hardness presses against you, a wicked smile on your boyfriend’s face.

“I mean it Buck we can’t, Nat will be kicking that door down any minute” he groans at your words knowing that you are completely right. That lock had been replaced an embarrassing amount of times because of that exact situation. You hated rejecting him, knowing that he could easily put you back to sleep until midday if he wanted. After a small standoff between you both you warn him again, an arch in your brow and a growl behind his name.

“You’re such a little tease, you know that?”

You laugh, sitting up, watching him skulk around the room in nothing but his grey Calvin Kleins, “I haven’t done anything!”

“Sure you haven’t” he argues, moving over to you again, his metal fingers looping under your chin to tilt your head back to gaze up at him, “Looking so fucking sexy in the morning and I can’t fuck you stupid. That’s not teasing that’s damn near criminal.”

You groan, rolling your eyes at your pouty 106-year-old man. You inch closer to his mouth, a sickly sweet definitely not bratty smirk on your face. “Get your ass ready.”

“Fine…but only because you looked so fucking sexy ordering me around,”

“Bucky!” You shout after him, blush on your full cheeks. He only smirks over his shoulder, pushing his briefs to the floor at the entrance to the bathroom, giving you a full view of his posterior.

You get up too, knowing you had been awake too long to fall asleep again. You get ready with the shower as background noise, pulling on some workout clothes. Today you decided you’d try out the gym right here in the compound, you’d been to many different ones in the past; often polluted with the smell of days-old sweat and men reeking of testosterone, grunting and groaning at weights you could only dream of lifting.

An hour later, after waving Bucky off on his week-long mission you were in the gym.

“Hey” you smile as you pass Sharon, her blonde hair whipping as she ducks and weaves to dodger imaginary punches the bag throws out before throwing a couple of her own. She offers you a tight-lipped smile, her eyes straying from your face down your body. She takes note of your long top and shorts that settle around mid-thigh compared to her sports bra and tiny shorts — her flat stomach and sculpted legs on display.

God you wish you had just as much ventilation. Just as you go to place your earphones in your ears you hear a scoff coming from Sharon’s direction. You pay it no mind, setting the treadmill for a nice incline and pace, pressing the timer until it shone with the time you wanted.

The treadmill slowed for the cooldown. Your eyes moved from the display in front to glance over your shoulder, the gym was empty. You grab your bottle only to realise thanks to your distraction you'd finished off your water. You stop the treadmill and hop off, making a beeline for the kitchen. The walk to the kitchen from the gym wasn’t that long but with the feeling of your sweat culminating in places you didn’t want it to be it was almost torturous.

“I couldn’t believe it when I saw her,”

A gaggle of hushed laughs comes from the kitchen, stopping you. A familiar dread coils in your stomach, reminding you of when you were young, the children pointing and laughing — joking at your expense.

“she must been on that treadmill for about five minutes and she was all like huff huff” she laughs obnoxiously “Her face was like a big tomato, I almost died trying to keep myself from laughing” Sharon continues.

The group cackles again at your expense, almost doubling as Sharon makes the huffing noise again. You cling to your shirt, pulling it from sticking to your body. These women you thought were friends did just what everyone else did.

“She’s pathetic, I don’t know what Bucky sees in her” Your heart stops. That little devil on your jumps and cheers at the confirmation of what it has been telling you since the start of your relationship with Bucky. You were never enough.

“I can’t wait for him to dump her once he gets sick of her wide load.”

Tears fall on their own accord but you don't register them, too busy inside your head being suffocated by every doubt and self-conscious thought you ever had since you confessed your feelings for the super soldier. You didn't deserve Bucky and everyone thought that too.

Back at your room, freshly clean. You scrolled through your messages from Bucky. The little hearts next to his messages no longer felt genuine like he was only doing it merely to save your feelings from being hurt. You were nothing but a burden that he was forced to bear; it wouldn’t be long before like Sharon said, he got sick of the clinginess and the need for reassurance and broke up with you.

Well, you weren’t going to be a burden any longer. You wouldn’t let him break your heart first. You turned your phone off, tucking it into your bedside drawer.

—

“Bucky wait!” Sam calls from the quinjet but it goes ignored. Bucky’s face is twisted in annoyance as he takes wide, purposeful steps towards the tower doors. He was going to find you and you were going to tell him why the fuck you were ignoring him.

He ignores the shouts of his name as Nat, Steve and Sam follow him indoors, smashing the elevator button with his thumb and stepping inside. Once on your floor, he stormed like a charging bull to your room, slamming a gloved fist on your door in a poor excuse for a knock.

The loud knocking from the other end of the room had you jumping back in your seat, the slee overtaking you gone in an instant. Your heart lurched at the familiar face, worn from exhaustion and malice clear from the scrunching of his forehead and tick in his cheek muscle.

“Oh hello, where have you been?” Bucky snaps, glaring down at you as you use the door as a shield from his scrutinising eyes. Here it comes, the moment you’d prepared for all week. You don’t think you’ll go back to dating apps, too many weird me—

“You know how worried I was when you didn't answer me all week?”

Huh. “Huh?”

“‘Huh?’ Are you joking? You ghosted me, left me scared to death on a mission halfway across the globe and all you can say to me is huh!” His blue eyes glisten and you look at them closer. There was no anger there, only concern and fear culminating in swirls across his blue orbs, rearing its head in rage across Bucky’s face.

“Bucky I—” you try but you can’t find the words, each syllable sticks in your throat, balling up until it feels like you can no longer breathe. The week of bottled-up emotions spills forth at the sight of him — at the revelation that he was utterly terrified. Tears fall from your eyes before you know it, your lip wobbling as you keep trying to speak.

Bucky’s shoulders tense at the sight of tiny tears falling over your full cheeks, guilt replacing his earlier pain,

“Fuck c’mere baby” he pulls you close, bending at an almost uncomfortable angle just to hold you as close as humanly possible.

“I'm so sorry for being so annoyed but you have to see why I was so scared something had happened to you. You left me on read for an entire week and blanked my calls. That isn’t you, you know how scary that was for me?” He whispers so softly, backing you up to sit on your bed.

In his arms, surrounded by his warmth and scent the week you had fell from your mouth like alphabet soup, from the gym to Sharon to how hard it was to ignore your phone knowing that Bucky would’ve been calling you every single day but you did it to protect your own heart. Nothing was kept a secret.

“I’ll kill her,” he growls when you finish, muscles tightening even more around you.

“Buck.”

“Right…sorry, I won't kill her” He lied between his teeth, well sort of. He wouldn’t actually kill Sharon but he knew you'd be upset if he did anything to her which he was indeed planning to do but to save you any more pain for the evening, to keep that teeny tiny smile on your face he lied.

“What makes her think she has any fucking right to speak on other people’s appearance anyway?”

“She wasn't lying…” it came out in the tiniest little voice, maybe your way of silently hoping he didn't hear it and he wouldn’t have if it weren't for his super soldier ears.

Gripping onto your wrists Bucky flipped your world in an instant, the breath leaving your lungs as your back makes contact with the bed, your wrists caught on either side of your head.

“Are you lying to me doll?” He says, raising a brow at you.

“No…”

“You are! You're lying right to my face,” he argues, pressing your wrists further into the mattress below. Your eyes fall shut as his face inches closer to yours.

“Look at me princess,” he waits until you open both eyes again, looking up at him as if he strung the stars in the sky “There is not a single thing that I'd change about you and I mean that. I fell in love with you the way you are now, you aren't some bitch that gets off on making fun of others. I fell head over damn heels for you because you are you.”

His eyes sparkle with adoration, his hands running up and down your body softly. The juxtaposition of metal on one side and warmth on the other sends shivers up your spine.

“I love you,” he breathes, leaning down again till your lips graze his. A teasing smile pulled on the pink corners of his mouth, a similar glint in his eyes, “you know that right?”

“Yes,” you nod, pushing up to close the distance between your mouths but he pulls away.

“I don't think you do,”

“I do Buck I promise.”

“Well…” he began, the glint in his eyes dulling as want engulfed the colour, “let me make sure.”

Bucky takes his time. He has to knowing that you're feeling small. Slowly his lips slot with yours, ushering out sweet little sounds to replace the broken ones that still thrum fresh in his mind.

“I love you,” he says again, capturing your hitched gasp with his tongue as he pushes it past the seam of your mouth, the tip flicking against your own to entice it to mingle. Slowly but surely the tension drips from your shoulders, your arms moving from his grip to trail up over his rigid stomach and chest. They sink below the shoulder pads of his jacket, pushing it off his broad frame and onto the floor beside the bed. Your hands paw at the exposed skin on his arm, fingers squeezing, nails scraping over the corded muscle.

“All of yours…all of it.”

Each time the seal of your mouths broke you chase them, planting kisses teeming with nothing but raw desire onto kiss-bitten lips. The words that Sharon said are long gone from your mind now, replaced by the man in front of you. Everything you smell, taste, touch and see — it's all him.

The brunette slips off his glove; his warm and cold, metal hand grips your hips, pulling you up into his lap with a squeak.

“You feel that?” He grunts, moving from your mouth down your face to your neck. His lips suck and his teeth nibble, marking you, proving to anyone around that dare dispute his love for you again. With undeniable strength he grinds you down into a sizeable bulge poking from his tight jeans, he hisses at the contact, letting a hand fall to your ass with a small spank.

Your arousal seeps through your thin panties making them stick to your dainty folds; your clit buzzes at the delicious scratch the metal of his zip brings you — a gasp catching in your throat every time your neglected nub catches the pull tab.

As much as he worshiped the way you dry-humped his cock, soaking the front of his jeans. Bucky is desperate. After a week of no contact, not even a tiny emoji heart never mind a raunchy photo, he needs something — anything. And he's going to get it.

“Get on the bed” he demands, pushing at you ever so slightly. “Panties off.”

You do as you are told, fingers frantically hooking into the waistband of your underwear, rolling the material over your thick thighs until they hook around a single ankle.

“Spread those legs for me baby, lemme see that sweet little cunt.”

You hesitate for a second, your legs twitching to open but knees knocking again as you close them. Blown pupils snap onto your face his jaw clenched hard and his nostrils flared. Before you can react his calloused hands settle gently, luring you into a false sense of security.

They soothe down your thighs as his blue eyes study you. Inch by inch his dull nails tap over your beautifully wide thighs until he's back at your kneecaps. With a soft unassuming smile, bucky pushes your legs wide, a rush of oxygen leaving you as your sopping folds are exposed to the cool air of the room. He doesn't give you a chance to breathe before a warm hand smacks over your wet folds, your body jerks, an unabashed moan flying from your parted lips.

“Don't fucking deny me this” he growls, fire roaring in his eyes. “You ghosted me for a week, now you're gonna lie there all pretty and let me eat this sweet fucking cunt.”

You nod, biting your lip. At the first presence of him between your legs, his hot breath billowing over your labia, your eyes roll into the back of your skull. Over each fold, ridge and crevice his breath fans, a shiver rolling over your spine each time; without warning he lays his tongue flat and wide, licking a strip from hole to clit. His tongue disappears and he does it again, guttural sounds falling from him at your taste mixing with the sharp trills you let out.

“Sing for me baby, let me know how good I'm making that pretty pussy feel” He delves in like a man starved, devouring your cunt as though it were his first and last ever meal on earth. He'd die happily if it were.

You were a mess, a mess of pleading cries. Your legs shake against his powerful hold, your hands grip his unruly brunette locks. Letting his hands drop from your thighs he stops his slurping to lay a soft, sweet peck on your raw clit. He smiles up at you, his face glistening with your juices visible thanks to the city lights peeking in through your open windows. Your mind wandered, wondering if the people in the building across could see the way Bucky fucked his tongue into you, curling the long muscle up to press against that ridged spot on your upper walls — he hit it with ease every time.

Using your distraction as an advantage bucky moves a hand to join his mouth, sliding his fingers in alongside his tongue for a second before he pulls his tongue from you. He moves, looming over you with a massive shit-eating grin at how much he unravelled you. you should've been embarrassed at how wet his face was; slick ran from his stubbled upper lip over and below his chin. You had done that to him and he wore it proudly. His fingers push deeper and curl out, coaxing the coils in your stomach to snap.

“Come on baby I know you feel it” he speeds up, the sound of your messy pussy almost as loud as your harsh breaths and whimpers.

“Buckyyy” you squeal, gripping at anything you can.

“That's it, baby…you're squeezing around my fingers, are you gonna cum?”

You nod but it's not enough for your man. He dips, nipping at a pebbled nipple and that's all it takes for those tightly coiled ropes to pull taut and snap. A sound you've never heard from yourself erupts from your lungs, your fingers clutching at bucky, the sheets, anything. Stars peppered your vision, blocking out the smug image of your boyfriend, blood rushing in your ears muffling his words of praise.

“Come back to me baby, that's it, good girl. such a good girl” Bucky coos, his fingers slipping out to rub lazily at your clit. He keeps going until you jerk harshly in his hold.

“You did so well, such a good fucking girl cumming like that for me” He praises, kissing your cheek and then your mouth, a smirk pulling at his lips when you moan at your taste.

You flash him a big dopey smile in return, your eyes hazy and your plump little cheeks flushed. You look gorgeous; Bucky had seen many things in his long drawn-out life but nothing could ever compare to how you looked fucked out beneath him.

He would stay like this forever…if his cock wasn't aching for release.

He stands, fiddling with his belt and fly until it comes loose. He wastes no time in pushing them both past his round ass and onto the floor, his cock springing free. His shirt goes next, thrown somewhere in your small room letting you get the full experience of what Bucky had to offer you. Layers of corded muscle ripple beneath his silky but scarred skin, his chest peppered in tiny curly hairs that sink below his sternum and over his abs where they begin to thicken until they finish, well trimmed at the base of his thick, heavy cock.

His eyes never stray from your body as he takes himself in his hand, pumping once, twice, his thumb catching the precum leaking from his tip. He kneels back between your welcoming legs, rubbing his slick thumb over your lips. A hushed chuckle vibrates in his chest as you suck the thumb into your mouth, eagerly licking his taste from the digit.

“Such a dirty girl,” you giggle, pulling back until his thumb slips out of your mouth with a pop. “Do you think you can handle one more hm? Can you let me fuck that little hole?”

“yes Buck” you smile, your eyes falling shut as he kisses you again.

“good girl” he growls, moving your legs over his own before grabbing a pillow to squish under your hips. With one hand he pushes the head of his length through your mess, dipping into your hole before running back up over your clit. He does it a few times, occasionally slapping his cock against you, praising each tiny sound you let out.

“Please Buck” You toss your head back, grinding your hips up to meet nothing. At this rate, you were going to come to nothing more than his teasing.

“Please what?” Oh he's a piece of shit. He knows what you want because he wants it too. He waits for a beat, enjoying your huffs of frustration. “Tell me and I'll do it.”

With the last of your sanity, you cry out, “fuck me buck ple—ah”

You slap a hand over your mouth as he spears into you, stretching you like he does time and time again. It never gets any easier with a size like Bucky’s; his tip kissing your cervix with each thrust and your walls sing at the almost painful stretch.

Bucky’s thrusts are delightfully slow, letting you feel each drag and push, each rigid vein on his pulsing cock. There is no fucking involved, he's making love, making sure you know that he would spend eternity wrapped up in your body no matter what size you are. The deep coloured marks along your neck and between your thighs would attest to that.

“Fuck” he moans, mouth gaping. “Don't think ill last long princess” His vibranium fingers fall to your soft belly, skating over the smooth skin to your full hip.

He squeezes hard enough to leave marks, “fucking mine.”

His thrusts speed up, his head snapping back and eyes rolling. His balls bounce rhythmically against your ass, the bulbous head of his cock smashing into the end of your cunt where a dull ache forms — a warning of future hurt when you wake tomorrow. You don't care, not when his free hand dips between you both, pulling back the hood of your sensitive nub and flicking it over and over.

He feels the way you tighten around him, holding him in a vice grip, “hold it princess, just a little longer come on”

“I can't Bucky please” you whimper in response.

“Yes, you can baby—oh fuck I'm close” his weight falls atop yours, smothering you in him. His hips stutter, his balls pulling up towards his body.

“Cum now, soak my big fucking dick.”

The slamming of the headboard ceases when his thrusts slow to shallow grinding, his mouth swallows any sounds you let out.

“Such a good fucking girl for me—shit” he sighs, slips from you with a hiss.

“Buck—”

“Shh pretty girl you're alright” he holds you close for a while, holding you tight to his broad body. Tears fall from your cheeks but he swipes them away. You don't know why you ever doubted Bucky, he's the only constant in your life.

“I love you” He whispers as the blood rushing in your ears settles, running through your veins in exhaustion.

“I love you too”

“Don't you ever listen to those idiots again, because I will show you over and over what you mean to me” Bucky promises with a kiss on the crown of your head.

You smile, laying your own lazy kiss over your thumping heart. You like the sound of that.

I DO NOT give permission to have my work copied, translated or reposted. If you see my work anywhere else except this page I have not given consent for it to be used.

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Thanks for reading~

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Han Jisung x F!Reader TW : anonymous friends to lovers type beat ; physical fighting ; reader is bullied ; angst ; fluffy ending ; Word Count : 8.9k A/N : Haven't even started writing this one yet but I know it's gonna take a bit, I hope the wait is worth it!! I hope that this is good! I kind of changed things a little bit, but I feel like it's still good... right? It has a k-drama feel to it... Not proof read!! Request : Anonny : Hello! If your requests are open can you write something for skz han? Where han is a popular person that everyone likes and he doesn't know the identity of reader but they are able to have really nice conversations. He thinks he found the person he's been talking to and starts dating them and reader agrees to help the person with talking to him. But han actually starts talking to reader and realizes that they were the person he fell in love with. Reader didn't tell him their true identity bc they were told he could never love someone like them. I hope that makes sense.

An anonymous chat room… What could possibly go wrong? It had started as a way for other students to get help with certain subjects without the judgment of their peers over not knowing enough. Soon enough, like most things, it had completely lost its original reason for being made, and now it was being used for anything but studying. There were chat rooms for dissing people, chat rooms for hooking up, and then there was the more… safe chat rooms, for people that were just lonely and wanting to talk, people that were too awkward or shy to have conversations face to face. Everyone had an online identity that no one else knew about… A different persona… It was scary… But sometimes it was nice to just… Talk to someone. 

JiHizzy : Hey! You online? 

Your phone vibrated with the message, and you couldn’t help but smile at the familiar sound of the notification. You had been talking to him for weeks now, and it was the one part of your day that you truly looked forward to. 

JustAnotherGirl : Yeah! What’s up?

JiHizzy : Finally got back to my dorm. I was trying to study for finals…

JustAnotherGirl : I’m gonna guess that didn’t work out for you? 

JiHizzy : Crazily enough, I ended up at the bar instead of the library. 

JustAnotherGirl : I don’t know how you could possibly get the two confused lol

JiHizzy : It’s a friday night, I don’t think anyone was at the library. Weren’t you at the bar too? It was packed. 

JustAnotherGirl : Mm… Nope! I don’t really party like that, I was too busy studying for my finals. 

JiHizzy : Ooh, the innocent type? I like that.

JustAnotherGirl : Are you flirting with me? 

JiHizzy : I might be… You know the acronym of your username is jag… all you need is I and you’d be jagi to me. 

JustAnotherGirl : That must be the alcohol talking…

JiHizzy : Not at all. You’re just my type. I really want to meet you.

JustAnotherGirl : Oh, would you look at the time? We should get some sleep! Goodnight! 

While it was supposed to stay an anonymous chat room, some people were just too popular to stay hidden longer than the first week. One of those people was JiHizzy, better known as Han Jisung, the most popular guy on campus simply because of his looks. All of the girls wanted him, and all of the guys wanted to be him. He was the top of the totem pole, and that put you at the very bottom. 

If the two of you were to walk past each other on campus, he wouldn’t even spare you a passing glance… But with the promise of anonymity, you were able to talk to him every night. You were able to know what it felt like to be liked by someone like him. You could never meet him though, if he found out who you really were… He’d stop talking to you immediately. You didn’t want to lose him… Even if you didn’t truly have him. 

///

JiHizzy : Are you in class right now? 

In the silence of the classroom, the vibration of your phone was much louder than you thought it would be. Everyone turned to look in your direction, and you quickly grabbed your phone and placed it on your lap, hoping that if another message came in, it would be silent. 

JiHizzy : I know you are, you’re such a good girl… WAIT DOES THAT SOUND WEIRD!? I’M SORRY!! 

JiHizzy : I was just thinking that maybe… Maybe you could tell me what class you’re in…

JiHizzy : And I could get a glimpse of you… Or who I think is you… I just want to have a face to go with the name…

You held in your sigh as you felt your phone vibrate incessantly against your lap, chewing on your bottom lip as you attempted to focus on your studies, but it seemed like he wouldn’t let up unless you responded. 

JiHizzy : PLEASE!! 

JustAnotherGirl : Why is it so important? I like being anonymous… I like talking to you…

JiHizzy : Because I like you, and I can’t stop thinking about you, and I want to daydream about you…

JiHizzy : But it’s kind of hard to daydream about someone if I don’t know what they look like.

JustAnotherGirl : Well, daydream about what you think I look like. It’s probably better than how I really look anyway. 

JiHizzy : You’re talking like I’ll stop messaging you or stop liking you if I meet you…

JiHizzy : You don’t think I’m that kind of person… Do you? 

JustAnotherGirl : I don’t know who you are… But it’s just easier like this for me… 

JiHizzy : Alright alright

JiHizzy : I’m sorry if I upset you…

JiHizzy : But hey! I heard that they’re releasing an update soon where we can actually talk to each other on the phone!

JustAnotherGirl : Can’t people tell who other people are by their voice? 

JiHizzy : Idk… But I want to call you when it comes out. Can we at least do that?

JustAnotherGirl : Maybe… I’ll think about it… I have to study now. So do you! 

JiHizzy : Right! Okay, I’ll message you later! 

He daydreamed about you… He thought about you… You wondered what this image looked like, the girl that he thought you were. You were sure that it looked nothing like you, and it was better that way. He was so popular, you didn’t want to tarnish his image if he was even seen talking with you, let alone walking beside you… although you were sure that something like that would never happen. 

///

When the call feature was released, everyone was so excited. People were testing it out as soon as their apps updated… But you were dreading it. Texting guaranteed staying anonymous, but hearing someone's voice, even if they didn’t know what you looked like, a voice was a way to identify someone. Even Jisungs voice, anyone and everyone could tell it was him coming if they heard him talking. His voice was distinct, it was his and his only. You didn’t know how distinct your voice would be, and the only thing you had going for you was the fact that you didn’t talk much at all. 

A time that you’d usually be counting down to now had your stomach twisted up into knots, your knees folded up against your chest as you tried to think of anything but the inevitable phone call that you knew he would ask for. “What’s got you all worked up?” Your roommate asked as she walked into your room. As if things couldn’t get any worse, she just had to be back in at a normal hour. 

Of course you had gotten paired up to dorm with the most popular girl on campus, it was just another way of lifes mysterious twists and turns supposedly. She was absolutely ruthless, and while you had asked to have your room changed at the beginning of every semester, it miraculously could never be done. As if college wasn’t hard enough, having to reside with her was just added stress. 

“Fine. Ignore me. I didn’t want to talk to you anyway.” She mumbled, dropping down onto the ridiculously large and disgustingly luxurious bed that took up almost the entirety of her half of the room. She was rich, of course she was, and she took every opportunity to flaunt her wealth to everyone on campus, and you were no exception, you just got the brunt of it. 

“I’m gonna take a shower real quick… Do you have to use the bathroom before I get in?” You asked, keeping your head down so she didn’t look at you like the peasant that you knew she thought you were. She scoffed loudly, and out of the corner of your eye, you saw her flick her wrist in the direction of the bathroom. 

JiHizzy : You awake? Don’t tell me you’re sleeping already! 

JiHizzy : You haven’t been online in 3 hours! Come onnnnn!

JiHizzy : Are you ignoring me?!?!?! :( 

JiHizzy : Did I do something… Say something wrong? 

JiHizzy : Ahhh… Maybe you are sleeping… Okay 

JiHizzy : Goodnight! Sleep well!!

You never took your phone into the bathroom with you, not just because it seemed unsanitary or unhygienic, you also couldn’t afford to potentially drop it on the tile floor and bust the screen. Maybe you should have, but again, you didn’t think that your roommate would go through your phone. You were pretty sure that she wouldn’t even touch something that belonged to you. You had never been more wrong. 

The vibrating of your phone had caught her attention, and maybe if it had only gone off once she would have ignored it, but Jisung was a spam texter. “Hmm…” She hummed to herself as she snatched your phone off the nightstand, and her curiosity quickly turned to annoyance when she saw just who had been texting you. “No way… There’s no way!” She shrieked, glaring at your phone. 

As the story goes, the popular guy should automatically be with the popular girl… that’s how it always goes! She wouldn’t allow something like this to happen… It just couldn’t. She was being a good person, she had to look out for Jisungs reputation, that’s what it was. Luckily everything was anonymous, you were anonymous… He wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to like you… He wouldn’t even have to know it was you. 

“What are you doing?” She was still holding your phone as you walked out of the bathroom, and your stomach dropped as you thought about what she could have been doing to your phone. Why would she even have it. “Look… I don’t touch your stuff, please don’t touch mine.” You mumbled as you scurried over to grab your phone out of her hand. 

“Jesus, don’t have a tantrum.” She muttered, rolling her eyes as she turned her attention back to her own phone. “Maybe you should silence your notifications before leaving your phone unattended.” Her words only worried you more, prompting you to check what she could have been talking about, and you could feel the anxiousness creeping up further and further until it had taken you over completely. 

She had seen the notifications, and you’d be a fool to think that she didn’t know exactly who it was that was messaging you. Would she tell him? It would be absolutely humiliating, it would destroy you, you couldn’t imagine the way he and his friends would react to finding out that it was you who he had been talking to. Should you tell her not to say anything? “I…” No… It might make her say something. Maybe she’ll forget about it in the morning. That would be the best case scenario. 

“I think Han Jisung and I would be the perfect couple, right? I mean, we’re both popular, we’re both insanely attractive! That’s why I feel so bad for him, you know? It’s not like he’d willingly go for a complete loser, but this stupid anonymous app is really getting his hopes up.” You were right there, she knew exactly what she was doing, but she still had the audacity to look over at you with the fakest smile. “Were you saying something?” 

“N-No…” You stammered, pushing yourself up off your bed and heading to the door. “I’m gonna take a walk, I’ll be back later…” She didn’t say anything to you as you left, simply laughing along with the multitudes of friends that she had on call. Had she told them? Were they all laughing at you? Of course they were, she was right… Why would he want to be with someone like you? You were a nobody, a speck of dust, no… Not even that. People notice dust… you were less than that. 

But why didn’t you deserve to be happy, even if that meant staying behind the safety and security of your phone screen and a basic username? Were you not allowed to have anything? Not even some sort of happiness brought by anonymous interaction? Isn’t that how everything on the internet is nowadays anyway? No one really knows each other… So why is it such a big deal if you talk to him? Why should you be shamed for doing it the way you have been? Could you not even have this one thing? 

Being outside was like a breath of fresh air, at least for a moment, but those thoughts brought on by the words of your roommate were suffocating. Should you even respond to him? He thought you were sleeping already… you could tell him you had been busy… His messages have the ability to help you feel better in an instant, and you needed that now. You clicked on the notification and quickly typed in your password to open the app, and not even a second passed before your phone was vibrating in your hand. 

JiHizzy : Hey! There you are! 

JustAnotherGirl : Hm… Were you just sitting and waiting for me to come online?

JiHizzy : and what if I was?? 

JiHizzy : you know I can’t sleep without talking to you first. 

JustAnotherGirl : I didn’t know that though…

JiHizzy : well now you know! :D 

JiHizzy : so… the call feature came out! I want to call you! Can I?

JustAnotherGirl : uhm… I don’t know… 

JiHizzy : are you in your room? Is your roommate sleeping? I can talk quiet!

JustAnotherGirl : no… no it’s not that…

JiHizzy : I want to hear your voice… please? We can talk about anything! Anything you want! 

JustAnotherGirl : I guess… 

In a second your phone was buzzing, Jisungs screen name front and center on your screen. What a foolish feature this is, why not just give people your phone number if you’ll just talk on the phone? What’s next? Video calling? What if…? You would never do that… You couldn’t… He wouldn’t want to see you anyway. 

Your hands shook as you accepted the call and brought your phone up to your ear. “Hehe, hey! Took you a bit to answer, I thought you’d just ignore me!” His voice came with a face, one that you could perfectly envision in your mind. His smile, the creasing of his eyes as he probably laid back against his pillow, one arm tucked under his head, perfectly at ease with everything. He was so lucky and he probably didn’t even realize it. 

“Oh… uh… no. I was just… trying to find somewhere to sit.” You lied, looking around at the line of streetlamps that illuminated the sidewalks that led to different buildings. “H-Hi…” You stammered, and you knew exactly why you were flustered, why you were so nervous. Jisung was practically a GOD here, and you might as well have been an earthworm with how much lower you were than him. If anyone found out about this, you were sure that the both of you would be humiliated, but for vastly different reasons. 

“You don’t have a couch or a bed or anything in your dorm?” He asked, and you felt stupid, this whole thing just felt insanely stupid. So what if you didn’t have a couch or a bed in your dorm anyway, not everyone was made of money! What was he going to do, judge you for it? “Well… Look, if you need help or anything… I-” 

“I don’t need help.” You stated quickly, and you truly didn’t. Sure, you didn’t have a couch or a flat screen television in your dorm, but you had a bed, and that was more than what most people had, so you had no reason to complain. “I’m actually-” A particularly loud gust of wind whipped around you, the force so strong that you could almost hear it crackling in your speaker, and it whipped up freshly fallen leaves around you. 

“Are you outside?” There was a slight panic in his voice, although you weren’t sure why. It’s not like you hadn’t braved elements far more atrocious than wind before. But then again, he didn’t exactly know you well. With the image he had in his mind of you, he probably thought you were too pretty, too perfect to be outside in the wind, potentially getting your hair messed up. “Did you go outside just to talk to me? I-If I knew you were going to do that, I would have just said to wait until a different day to call. I don’t want you to get ill.” 

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Was he always this caring, or was he just pretending? Only the people closest to him would know, and you weren’t close to him at all. Surely to be as popular as he was, he’d have to be some kind of an asshole… That’s how the movies and the shows always depict the popular guys. They were too good for people like you… But… He didn’t know you were a person… A person like you. “It’s fine, really. I’ve walked home in thunderstorms before… A little gust of wind isn’t going to take me out.” 

There was a sigh from his end of the call, and then the rustling of what sounded like sheets or blankets. “Well tell me where you are. You’re already out, and I wouldn’t mind walking a bit to come see you. I really want to know you… I can get my shoes on real quick and-” You hung up the call before he was finished, your breath held in your throat, and you didn’t let it go until you were certain the call was ended. It was rude, sure, of course it was… But why was he so god damn pressed on meeting you!? Why wasn’t this good enough for him too?! 

JiHizzy : Did the call cut out? Was it the wind?? Are you okay!?

JiHizzy : If you don’t answer me, I’ll… I don’t know… I’m not a computer wizard but…

JiHizzy : I know people can trace things and… Please tell me you’re okay. I’m worried.

JustAnotherGirl : yeah… I’m fine… 

JustAnotherGirl : my phone battery is dying… 

JiHizzy : Oh! Okay! 

JiHizzy : Get inside quick, please. Charge your phone and message me in the morning… yeah?

JustAnotherGirl : yeah… 

JustAnotherGirl : Goodnight…

JiHizzy : Goodnight beautiful! 

This was getting worse, it was only going to get harder… Maybe you should cut ties with him now… It would be better that way, wouldn’t it? It wasn’t paying off to selfishly keep him, basically trapped behind your phone screen because you were scared of the embarrassment that would come along with actually meeting him. You needed to let him go…

///

Your roommate was laying in bed, a sheet mask over her face and the bedside table lamp had been dimmed. She was sleeping, at least that’s what you thought, until the door latch clicked as you shut it and she jumped up. “What were you out doing, huh?” The questions immediately started, and you shook your head, going over to your bed and yanking back the blankets. “I know that you weren’t out with… him. He would drop dead before being seen with the likes of you, ya know?” 

She snickered annoyingly, and you whipped around, your face scrunched up as you tried to keep the tears at bay. “How? How do you know that? How should I know that?! Do you know him?! Do you really know him?!” You asked, or, more like begged for her to give you the answers. You weren’t really sure why you were going to her of all people, maybe you were just desperate to hear that… that you would be good enough… Maybe not for him… But for someone. 

The loud laugh that poured from her lips was like a gut punch, and you dropped down onto your bed, absolutely humiliated, devastated, you felt like a fool. “Listen… I’m gonna do you a favor… You know, since we’re… friends…” This was bound to be an awful idea, you were sure of it, but you felt like she was going to keep talking anyway and… It was beginning to feel like you didn’t have a choice. “I think it’ll be a win for both of us… So, I’ll meet him, as you… And you get to keep talking to him at night. He’ll fall in love with me and my beautiful looks, as everyone always does, and… Well, you won’t be lonely. How does that sound?” 

It sounded terrible, it sounded awful, it was an elaborate ruse that surely no one would fall for… But… He wouldn’t ask you to meet him anymore… You’d still talk to him… She wouldn’t bother you or even have a reason to try to embarrass you on campus. You could stay hidden, it could work… It could really work. “Fine…” You mumbled, running your hands over your face, trying not to think too hard. “You… I don’t want to get involved too much with… What the two of you might do… But if he brings it up in the chat… You’ll have to… Tell me…” It was the last thing you’d ever want to know, but if this was going to work, you’d have to give him up just to have him still… It sounded crazy. You’d never have with him what she could… All you would ever be able to have are late night conversations, living out a fantasy through the tellings of your roommate and him. It would have to be good enough. 

“Oh, don’t worry… I’ll tell you everything!” She clapped her perfectly manicured nails together, and you knew there was something sinister about it, but this felt like the only way. “Get some sleep, we have a lot of planning to do tomorrow. This is going to be great!” 

///

“Where did you tell him to meet me… I mean… you?” She whispered, reading over your shoulder to try to see what the messages on your phone said. This was it… Today was the day… She’d probably tell him to delete the app since he finally met “you”. Was it worth it? Probably not… But you had been alone for the longest time before this all happened, you’d be fine with being alone after this as well. Nothing would change for you… But she would get everything she wanted… As if she didn’t have it all already. 

“The… The fountain, at the center of campus…” You mumbled. Would he really think it was you? The two of you sounded nothing alike… But would he be able to pick up on that? Probably not, he didn’t seem like the type that really cared for things like that. He was so excited that you finally agreed to meet him, the messages were flooding in and she had been right there to read all of them. 

JiHizzy : I’m on my way to the fountain now! 

JiHizzy : I can’t believe this is finally happening… We’ve been talking for almost 4 months now…

JiHizzy : Isn’t this crazy?!?! 

JiHizzy : I’m just a little nervous… I hope you don’t mind.

JustAnotherGirl : I don’t… I don’t mind at all…

Have fun… You thought to yourself as you stood at a distance, watching as Jooyi stood at the fountain, switching between sitting on the edge and standing every couple of seconds. She fumbled with the edge of her skirt, and fixed her hair, then checked her makeup. She was nothing like you… Would he be able to notice, even if you had only talked through text and occasionally on the phone? Was he able to tell your personality through little things like that? 

Then you saw him, practically sprinting towards the fountain, it was like everything was in slow motion. Did he even know who to look for? Would Jooyi fit the image of you that he created in his mind? You leaned against the light pole, your phone clutched against your chest… One message and you could ruin this all for her… But it would cost you too much, and you would have nothing to show for it, nothing to gain. People like you weren’t made for people like him, he would never stoop so low as to even look in your direction. They were made for each other… Who were you to ruin things? 

“Jisung!” You heard her voice ringing in your ears, and you looked up from the pavement to see her waving in his direction, and he paused. Did he know? You watched him closely, and you saw the smile slowly beginning to form on his face before he sprinted over to her. His arms wrapped around her waist in a tight hug, picking her up and spinning her around before setting her on the ground. It would never be you, that could never be you… You made two people happy today… It should feel good, but you felt sick, and you quickly turned away, rushing back to your dorm room. You didn’t have to be there to watch it, you’d hear all about it when she came back. 

///

JiHizzy : It was… Wow… 

JiHizzy : Finally meeting you in person! It’s amazing! 

JustAnotherGirl : Yeah! I’m so happy that I finally got to meet you! 

You sniffled softly as you looked over his messages. They wouldn’t be the same again, nothing would. He’d talk about everything that he did with “you”, and you’d just have to respond as if… as if it were truly you there. This… This deal… It wasn’t fair at all. It was just rubbing into your face everything that Jooyi got to do with him… And he was the one unknowingly telling you… She was evil… But she was a master at being just that. 

JiHizzy : Well… Do you want to talk on the phone? I mean… 

JiHizzy : We’ve already met each other and… I don’t know why… 

JiHizzy : I could ask you for your number… But I don’t want to get rid of the app.

JustAnotherGirl : oh? Why?

JiHizzy : There’s just so many memories on here…

JiHizzy : Sometimes when I’m alone or sad… I go back through our messages. You really know how to make me happy…

JustAnotherGirl : Really…?

JiHizzy : Yeah… Really. 

JiHizzy : Don’t tell anyone though! The guys would totally mock me for that.

JustAnotherGirl : I won’t… I won’t tell anyone.

Jooyi burst through the door, shopping bags lining her arms and she dropped them carelessly to the floor before falling back onto her bed, a loud, ear piercing squeal escaping her as she kicked her feet. “He’s so amazing! He’s so much cuter up close! He wants to take me on a date this weekend!!” She squealed again, and you felt disgusted. Did he want to take her on a date, or did he want to take you on a date? Was it her looks or was it your personality that he liked? 

“I’m… Really happy for you, Jooyi.” You lied through gritted teeth. You hated hearing about it, you hated hearing her in general, but hearing her talk about him as if she was the one who had put in the work over four months to get him to like her… It was unfair. You faked a yawn and rubbed your eyes, acting tired just to be able to wipe your tears without her noticing. “I’m gonna go to the library and study. I’ll see you later.” 

She was lost in her own world, but she sat up as you reached the door, your backpack slung over your shoulder and your hand on the doorknob. “Hey!” You put on a smile as you turned to face her, waiting for her to continue. “Did he message you? Did he talk about me? Hmm?” 

You felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket, you knew it was him, but you shook your head. “Haven’t heard from him… Maybe he deleted the app… I don’t know. I have to study though, I’ll let you know if he does.” She sighed softly, letting her head fall back against the mattress, she was back in dreamland. Her whole life was a dream… And yours was a nonstop nightmare. 

///

The library was practically empty when you walked in, you could hear every squeak of the floorboards as the one or two other students paced the shelves of books. You could almost hear the buzzing of the fluorescent light that hung over your head… You could hear… “Is this seat taken?” The man asked, and you looked up to see Jisung standing next to the chair that was across from you. It was strange, and you looked around at the vast amount of empty tables that filled the large building. Why would he want to sit with you? “I don’t like sitting by myself… I feel like it’s easier to study when I have someone sitting with me.” 

Could he read your mind? Pfft, no! That’s impossible. “It’s not taken…” You mumbled, trying to keep your voice low, hoping that he wouldn’t recognize it from the phone calls. You couldn’t even begin to imagine how furious Jooyi would be if she found out about this. Maybe you should just leave. You could study another night. Then your phone vibrated against the table, your heart froze, and Jisung, who had been smiling at his own phone looked up at you. 

“Heh… That’s a coincidence. I just sent a message and your phone vibrated!” He said rather cheerfully, and the way he looked at you, it was like he was expecting you to check it. There was no way in hell you’d do that though. You awkwardly giggled, shoving your phone into your backpack as you shook your head. 

“Probably an email or something… It is… Ironic though…” You whispered, lowering your head even further into the textbook that you had opened. You felt his eyes linger on you though, like they were burning through you, and you didn’t know whether to feel flustered, nervous, or both those things and everything in between. “D-Do you need something? A pencil… Or-” 

“I know you…” He said matter-of-factly, and it was like your throat closed up and your chest tightened. How did he know you? What was he talking about? He couldn’t possibly know you. “You’re the top student… You’re like, mega smart! I can see why now… Do you always study this late?” 

Relief, a sigh of relief and a deep breath. You were safe… You shouldn’t overthink too much. “Mmn…” You nodded your head once but kept it bowed, trying to focus on the words in the textbook, but it was so hard. “Thank you…” You added, wondering if maybe that was what he was waiting for. 

He chuckled softly, and then you felt the table shake as he dropped his own backpack on the table and started pulling out a bunch of notebooks. “You make it seem so easy. How do you just… Concentrate? It’s so hard for me to do.” He whined, and you looked around as his voice got higher and higher. “Oh… Sorry.” His voice dropped back down to a whisper and then he chuckled softly. 

His laugh was contagious and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him, your hand clasping over your mouth to try to muffle the noise. “It’s easy… You just have to find the fun in it.” He rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at you and you pursed your lips, trying not to laugh at his reaction. “Seriously. Here, let me show you.” 

It was supposed to be a solo study session, honestly, it was just to try to get away from your roommate long enough for her to fall asleep. You never in your wildest dreams expected this to happen. It was like a scene straight out of a k-drama, but you also knew that after these types of scenes, things got bad. But you didn’t want to think about that right now… All you could think about was the way that he laughed with you, the way he smiled at you, the way he talked to you like you were a person and not just the dirt beneath his shoes. 

“You remind me of someone.” He said nonchalantly as you both started packing up your books. You blinked a few times, your head tilting to the side as you waited for him to elaborate, but he was looking at his phone, his smile dropping slightly as he turned it off and slid it into his pocket. “Oh… It’s nothing. She must have just fallen asleep. She’s always so tired. She studies a lot… Kind of like you. Maybe you can tutor me… I’ll bring her too! That would be cool, right?” Cool… Not at all. It was the complete opposite of cool. That… That would never work.

“M-Maybe… I don’t know… I tutor a couple other people.” You came up with the lie quickly, and you hated the way his smile almost completely disappeared. Maybe you could make an exception… It’s not like he’d find out… Right? Jooyi would just have to act interested in studying. You were sure that if you told her, she’d be on board… “I’ll… I’ll see if I can schedule you in.” 

And just like that, his smile was back and he was pulling his phone out again. “Awesome! Uhm, how about we exchange phone numbers and…” He trailed off when he saw the look on your face, and you were sure that you looked quite uneasy. There was no way that would go over well with Jooyi, she’d flip shit. “How about Anonny… You know the app, right? Everyone has it!” Oh shit… That was even worse. 

“How about… We leave it up to fate.” His eyebrow arched, and you were really going out on a limb here with the excuses, but you had to protect yourself… Not just from him, but from Jooyi too. You didn’t have much to lose… But it was enough to have you terrified. “If we both manage to come to the library at the same time, if you see me here, I’ll tutor you. I usually come at night though… Just so you know.” 

You bowed your head to him as you got up, putting on your backpack and heading out, and you could hear him following behind you. “I’ll be here. Every night. I’ll study on my own too… Thank you, for helping me.” You hummed in response, pushing open the main door and you were met with a rather brisk gust of wind that had you shivering and shoving your hands into your pockets. “Are you cold? Here…” He shimmied out of his top coat, placing it over your shoulders and smiling when he saw it on you. “You can return it to me next time fate brings us together, okay? Just stay warm, and get home safe.” 

For fucks sake… 

///

JiHizzy : Hey, whatcha up to?

JiHizzy : It’s been like… 3 hours… Are you mad or something? 

JiHizzy : You must be sleeping… I just feel like somethings wrong… 

JiHizzy : Let me know when you get this message… Okay?

Your roommate was fast asleep when you finally got in, and you quickly took off Jisungs coat and slid it under your bed, safe for now at least from the prying eyes of Jooyi. As you curled up under your blankets, ready to just fall asleep, ready to let yourself drift off into a world where you didn’t have to pretend and you didn’t have to lie to the man who had sat across from you in the library when there were so many tables to choose from. The man who smiled at you and made you feel like you were the only person in the room. Then your phone vibrated once more from under your pillow. 

JiHizzy : I was studying tonight… I know how important it is to you and… I wanted to do it. JiHizzy : I met someone there, she reminded me of you a lot! 

JiHizzy : I hope these aren’t waking you up… I know you’re sleeping. 

JustAnotherGirl : I was at the library too. We must have just missed each other…

JiHizzy : NO WAY! Dammit! Well… 

JiHizzy : I was thinking that we can do study dates. Wouldn’t that be cool? 

JustAnotherGirl : It would. I really like that idea. 

JiHizzy : Awesome! Okay! 

JiHizzy : Goodnight cutie! 

Study dates… That’s how you had looked at tonight, or you were just delusional. If tonight had happened sooner… Would you have taken Jooyi up on her deal? He seemed to be just fine with you… He wasn’t embarrassed, he wasn’t ashamed to be sitting across from you and laughing with you… Would he have liked you still if he knew who you really were? 

///

“So, how was your night last night? You got home safe?” Jisung asked and you heard Jooyi giggle loudly, it was so fake, it made you sick. He was such a genuine person, and she was nothing but a stuck up little- 

“My night was wonderful! I went shopping for our date this weekend. I can’t wait for you to see the outfits I picked out!” You sank down onto the bench. Shit… You hadn’t told her… What would happen now? 

“Sh-Shopping?” He questioned, and you wanted to crawl under a rock. You wanted to hide from her and the wrath that you knew was bound to be coming your way. “I thought you were studying? You said… You said you were at the library…” 

She went silent, and even though you were outside, you could feel the tension in the air. “Did… Did I say shopping?! Oh my gosh, I meant studying! I’m a big nerd! You know me!” She laughed again, but this time there was something else… Nervousness? Irritation? Anger? She’d be looking for you. 

“You’re acting weird… Are you okay?” He asked, and she scoffed loudly. Should you spare a glance and risk meeting eyes with her? “Were you just… Lying about studying? Was it to try to… Impress me? You know you don’t have to do that.” 

“I know I don’t. I’m impressive enough!” She said loudly, it’s like she enjoyed making scenes. She was disgusting. “I have to go really quick, I forgot my big ol’ textbook back at my room. I’ll meet up with you later? We can have lunch!” 

“Y-Yeah… Sure…” Something had changed… He wasn’t buying it anymore. But you didn’t have time to worry about that. Jooyi was looking for you, and you were tired of being scared of her. You were tired of worrying about what she’d do or what she’d say about you. Jisung liked you, even if just as a friend… You had been made clear of that last night at the library. She couldn’t even make it one day… The two of you were just too different, and he had noticed. You weren’t sure what would happen next, but you weren’t going to hide away, you weren’t going to give in. You deserved to be happy… You might not have the money, you don’t have the luxuries, but you have the willpower, and you have the drive… And that was worth way more than what her money could ever buy. 

“I need to talk to you… Now.” As if like magic, she appeared in front of you. She was angry, no doubt, but there was nothing she could do to hurt you. So you got up, following her off to the side of one of the buildings, and before you could say anything the palm of her hand connected with your cheek. “You bitch! You said that you’d tell me when he messaged you! Was this your plan?! To humiliate me in front of him!” 

Now it was your turn to scoff, your turn to laugh, and while the sting in your cheek hurt, it didn’t hurt as much as knowing that you almost let him get away, you almost let him get stuck with someone like her. “I didn’t have to plan it for it to work out like this. You humiliated yourself. He isn’t your type… Deal with it.” 

“You…” She started, but it quickly turned to a scream, one filled with pure rage as she started grabbing at the pockets of your jacket. “Give me your phone! He doesn’t want you! He wants me! You’re nothing! You’re poor and you’re pathetic and you’ll never have him! Why would anyone want you!” She just… screamed… She screamed so loud, and with every attempt to grab at you, you swatted her hands away, backing up further and further until you bumped into something… or… someone. “Oh! Jisung!” She full stopped, adjusting her hair and putting on the fakest smile. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, looking between you and Jooyi. “What are you talking about?” His eyes focused on you a lot longer, as if studying you, and you felt the heat of his gaze, but it didn’t burn, it just made you feel warm, it made you feel safe. “Why do you want her phone?” 

Jooyi was stuttering over herself, unable to form a coherent sentence as her head shook violently. “She… Sh-She’s blackmailing me, Ji! She stole my username on Anonny… She’s pretending to be me so that she can get with you… So she can take you away from me!” She whined, and you couldn’t help but look disgustedly at her. She truly was the queen of scenes, stomping her feet and throwing a tantrum like a child would. How pathetic. 

“My… tutor… Is blackmailing… You?” He questioned, and her eyes widened before turning her daggers towards you. “What’s your name on Anonny? If she stole it from you… What is it?” You didn’t have to do anything, he was putting all of the pieces together for himself. You weren’t sure what would happen once the puzzle finally came together… And maybe it wouldn’t work out for you… But to see her get knocked down to size, it made it all worth it. 

“I-It… My Anonny name? You know it! You tell me what it is!” She said, and you knew why, she was trying to get him to say it… But he was smarter than that. He shook his head, letting out a disappointed chuckle, and then his attention was back on you. “Don’t! Don’t look at her! Look at me! You love me!” 

“Do I?” He whispered, but he never looked away from you, his head tilted and a small smile on his face. “What’s your Anonny username?” He asked, and you felt the heat rising inside of you. This was your chance, your moment, you didn’t know where it would lead you to, but it was time. 

“I’m… JustAnotherGirl… Just another girl that has a crush on you… That gets overlooked and forgotten. But I’m here… And I’ve been here for four months…” You murmured, and he let out a shaky gasp. Was he embarrassed? Was he ashamed that you were the girl he had been talking to for so long? “I’m sorry. I’m not popular, I’m not even close to rich. I don’t have much to give… But-” 

“But you’re perfect…” He stepped closer to you, causing you to stumble back as your breath hitched in your throat. “You’re smart, and you’re sweet… You’re kind and you’re genuine. You’re not materialistic, you’re just… You’re wonderful, you’re wonderfully you…” His hand reached up, his knuckles brushing lightly against your cheek. “You’re the girl that I fell in love with…” 

“WHAT!!?” Jooyi screeched from behind you, and before you knew it, you and Jisung were being pushed apart. “Are you serious right now?! Her?! She’s… She’s a roach! She’s vermin! I can’t believe you right now! Have you seen me?!” 

“Sadly.” Jisung retorted, and it took everything in you not to laugh, but everyone that had gathered around to see what was going on laughed enough for you. “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t talk about my girlfriend like that.” 

“G-Girlfriend?!” Jooyi scoffed, running her hands through her hair. “You’ve got to be kidding me! Just… When you lose all your friends because you’re with a loser, don’t come crawling back to me! Have fun being not popular!” 

“I think it’s time for us to go, don’t you?” He asked, completely ignoring her now as he draped his arm over your shoulder. “You want lunch? Anything you want, it’s on me.” 

///

HanJi : I’ll be at the library soon. I’ve got hot cocoa!

Beautiful Wonderful Girlfriend : Don’t drive too fast, the snow is really coming down now… 

“I know it is…” His voice came from behind you, and then the cups of hot cocoa were placed in front of you on the table. “It’s really pretty, isn’t it?” You glanced out the window, awestruck at just how beautiful campus could look when blanketed in dazzling white snow. “You brought your coat, right?” 

You nodded your head, patting the chair beside you where the coat that he had given you almost 2 years ago was neatly hanging over the back of the seat. “It’s your coat… You just won’t let me give it back.” You teased, and he let out a soft sigh as he dropped down into his seat. He hadn’t changed a bit since the first time you both sat at this table together. 

It was strange how time worked, it felt like forever ago, but you remembered it like it had happened just yesterday. “It’s our coat, babe. What’s mine is yours.” He sounded so serious, but you couldn’t help but laugh at the statement. He was talking like the two of you were… Married? Your laughter subsided as you stared at him across the table, your lips parted slightly as you let out a quiet breath. 

“You’re funny…” You said sheepishly, turning your attention back out the window, focusing on the snowflakes that danced down from the sky, finding the perfect place to rest. “We’re not married, our things don’t have to be shared…” Even though you both had been together for two years and he was the sweetest, most loving boyfriend you had ever had… You still couldn’t get those words out of your head. The words from the past that had been uttered by the girl that had wanted to take your place… He would never want to be with someone like you…

“Yet…” He murmured, the word like a breath leaving his lips. You blinked a few times, feeling the heat rising in your cheeks, your heart thumping loudly in your chest. Did he really love you that much? Could someone really love you that much? Were you deserving of this much love, to be with someone like him? “What are you thinking about, babe?” He cooed, reaching across the table to grab your hands that were folded on top, his thumb brushing lightly across your knuckles. 

“I’m just…” You began, feeling the familiar sting of fresh tears beginning to brim in your eyes, but it was slightly different this time… They weren’t tears of sadness or fear… You were happy. “I’m so lucky… And… I never thought I’d be with someone so amazing… So perfect…” You could barely get your voice above a whisper, your throat closing up from trying to hold back your tears. 

“Mm…” He hummed, pushing away from the table and getting up, walking around to your side of the table and grabbing your hand. “Let’s take a walk… yeah?” One more glance out the window and you saw the snow creating almost a wall of white as it came down harder, but there was no wind, it was just… beautiful. “I’ll keep you warm, don’t worry.” 

You nodded your head, grabbing the coat and slipping it on, the scent of his cologne, although faded, still brought you comfort when you put it on. “Where are we going?” You quizzed, slipping your fingers between his as you both walked out of the library. You were sure that nothing would be open, not with this weather. 

“Anywhere… I just… I want to walk with you.” He said, his voice kind of shaky, like his nerves had gotten the better of him. He led you aimlessly through campus, and you followed right along beside him. You didn’t really care where you were going, as long as you were with him, you’d follow the path he was taking blindly with your hand in his. “I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ll do it…” 

Was he talking to you or was he just thinking out loud? You looked to him, the snowflakes catching on your eyelashes as you tried to read him, but he was looking straight forward, his lips turned up into a lopsided smile. “How you’ll do what?” Even though you were speaking softly, the silence that surrounded you made every word sound so loud. 

“Propose.” He sounded so calm, but the singular word alone had you pausing, pulling him back so he would face you. “What? Can I not think about how I’m going to propose to my wonderful, beautiful, amazing, sweet, lovely-“ 

“Okay okay!” Even after 2 years, you still weren’t the best at taking compliments, especially when he was looking at you so intently. “Why are you thinking about that right now? We’re still in college and… I want you to focus on graduating. So we can both be successful. You know?” 

His hand slipped out of yours and then his arm snaked around your waist as he started walking again, pulling you along with him. “I can focus on graduating, and I can focus on you. I’ve been doing it since the day I truly met you… the real you.” He chuckled quietly, the sound building in his chest as his head shook. It was funny now, to look back on everything that happened. “And I like thinking about the future, it makes me happy to know that I’ll be spending it with you. But you don’t have to worry about me proposing in college… I wouldn’t want everyone to see. I want it to be a moment for us to remember.” You hummed softly, leaning against his shoulder as you simply listened to him, you let him get lost in his thoughts because you didn’t mind getting lost in them either. They had you looking forward to a better, simpler time where the two of you would be able to be together without worrying about grades and finals. “Flower petals will line the path that I’ll take you down…” He murmured, and your eyes were focused on his face, not noticing the trail of pink and red in the snow. “A gazebo, with fairy lights twinkling brightly, shining in your eyes…” He continued, sighing softly. “Nobody is around, the snow is falling, you look absolutely stunning against the backdrop…” 

“A winter proposal?” You asked, and you were so lost in his thoughts and your own that you hadn’t even noticed how far you had walked until he was leading you up the stairs of a white wooden gazebo, perfect icicles hanging off the roof of it, and… fairy lights illuminated the inside. “Ji…” You whispered his name, a tuft of smoke coming from your mouth as you breathed it out. His arm left your waist and he kneeled down in front of you, his cheeks a dark pink from both the cold and his nerves. “You said… You said you wouldn’t propose when we were still in college…” 

He snickered, fishing a black velvet box out of his pocket, his snow dampened hair curtaining his eyes as he kept his head down. “I meant… not while we were in the college. We’re not on the grounds anymore…” He finally looked up at you, and you let out a shaky gasp as it truly set in what he was doing. “I don’t want to wait any longer, I know that you’re the one that I want to spend all of my life with. I’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone else. I love you, I’ve known that I loved you since before I even… before I even knew you. I wake up every morning and thank everything that you’re mine, and I fall asleep every night knowing that no matter what, everything will be okay because I have you by my side. I don’t care what anyone thinks, I don’t care what people might say… I only care that you’re happy… And if you say yes, I promise… To do my best to make you feel happy and loved every single day until the day that I die.” He opened the box, and the diamond facets of the silver ring glistened and reflected the lights that had been strung up. “So… Will you… Will you marry me?” 

You choked out a sob, dropping to your knees in front of him as you nodded your head yes, and he quickly pulled the ring out of the box, his hand shaking as he slid it onto your finger. “Ji…” Was all you could say as you looked at the ring, cold, yet so beautiful in its place. His chilled hands cupped your cheeks, tilting your head so that your eyes would meet his. “I love you…” 

“And I’ll always love you.” He leaned in, kissing you softly and humming against your lips. “Shall we go back inside and warm up, my beautiful, lovely, wonderful, amazing-“ 

“Stop~” You playfully whined, giggling quietly as you dropped your gaze once more. “You’re so cheesy…” You mumbled, and then you felt his lips against your forehead, his fingers brushing your hair out of your face. 

“And you’re… You’re everything to me…” He pushed himself up to his feet, carefully pulling you up and then hugging you tightly. “Thank you, for making me happy, for loving me… I can’t wait to marry you."

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[luvyeni]

Hellow. I was wondering if you can write this silly thing in my mind, Jay with a Chubby girlfriend, he's experienced and basically all the college girls recognize him as a sex God until he met her, she's virgin and insecure, like it actually took Jay a long time to gain her trust because she was thinking that it was impossible someone so popular and handsome like him liked some like her.

Here's my plot: all the girls have been talking about her and how fat and ugly she's making her even more insecure to the point that she push away Jay when he touched her like he usually does even just holding hands, especially when he holds her waist. But he's so in love with her that he just adores every single inch of her, reassuring her that no one is as beautiful as her, so he just kiss every inch of her making her first time so special and full of love and tears because I'm a cry insecure baby

Sorry for the long ask, literally i dreamed about this 🥺

FOREVER AND ALWAYS; PARK JEONGSEONG

pairings. boyfriend!jeongseong x fem!reader

wc. 1.9k

warnings. talks of weight, fatshaming, insecurities, oral (f. reader), unprotected sex, overstimulation, reader cries.

i hope it's like you dreamed💓! the bullying kind of made me sad since im a big girly myself, so i didn't add too much.

after finding out people have been saying horrible things about you, he's determined to show you how much he loves you.

—

"she's so shameless, if i was that fat i wouldn't wear such things." you frowned, looking down at the message wishing jay would hurry up. "yeah, jay is such a cute guy, he could get anyone he wants, i don't understand why he would date someone like her."

"it's probably a joke, it has to be."

you could hear them laughing at you , and they knew you could hear them. they knew because it was something you heard on a daily occurrence by people just like them.

"baby." jay ran over to you, kissing your cheek, noticing how you moved your face, but deciding to ignore it. "hey jay." the girls giggled flirtatiously. "hi." he turned back to smiling.

"my class got held up, im sorry, you ready to go home?" he went to grab your hand, something he always did when you'd walked back to your shared apartment near campus, so you could imagine his surprise when you brushed it away. "yeah, let's go."

jay was confused, it's been a while since you avoided his affection. when you started dated, jay had a reputation , that forbid you to trust him , being really standoffish , jay was much more experienced than you , actually you had no experience due to your insecurities. jay was aware of this , so he actually took the time to get to know you , and form a relationship with you , a year later and he didn't even care that you haven't had sex , he just wants to be around you all the time.

"let's stop and get some food to take home." he pointed to your favorite store. "i'm not hungry." jay was serious when it came to food though. "well then put in the fridge and eat it later, let's just get it now." he held the door open, letting you walk in.

"do you want the regular?" he stood behind you, his arm wrapping around your waist, kissing you lovingly. you felt eyes on you, and the chuckles, pushing his arm away. "get whatever jay." you went to go wait by the door, you didn't mean to sound so rude, but you really just wanted to go home.

jay couldn't even ask you what was wrong because he was next in line, and you had already put your headphone on, spaced out.

you walked the rest of the way in silence, headphones on as you finally made it to your apartment, taking your shoes off , making your way to your room, undressing out of your day clothes.

"wait, are we just not gonna talk about it." jay followed behind. "what are you talking about?" you searched through the drawer in your underwear and a tank top, looking for a pair of sweats.

"you've been acting weird the entire walk home, you've avoided my affection multiple times, you keep looking around to see if people are looking, what is it? what's wrong." you turned to him. "why are you still here?" he took a step back. "what."

"you can have anybody you want, there are girls lining up to have sex with you, they do it right in front of me so know, why are you here? what do you want from me? am i just a joke that you're stringing along for a laugh with your friends?" jay was stunned, even on your worst days, you've never snapped at him, and he could tell you didn't mean it either cause of the widening of your eyes.

"im so sorry, i didn't mean it." he was silent, just pulling you into a hug. "i'm sorry." he rubbed up and down your back. "it's okay." he whispered. "i know you didn't mean it." he could feel your shoulders shaking as you sniffled into his neck, your tears warm. "they're so mean." jay finally got what was bothering you , and he was pissed. how dare they make you feel like this, after everything he's done to make you feel secure, how dare they treat you like this.

"listen to me, there is no one as beautiful as you are, you understand me?" he looked at you with a serious face. "i don't want anyone else but you, and i will spend as long as i need to, to prove it to you love." he held your cheek in his hand, wiping the tears. "i love you okay?" you sniffled, nodding. "i love you too."

he kissed the apples of your cheeks. "my fools made my pretty baby feel bad about herself, they'll pay for this i swear." he kissed your lips. "my baby doesn't see how beautiful she is, but i do, she is the most beautiful person in the whole world." he kissed your neck. "i just love her so much." he said in between kissed. "j..jay." he shushed you. "let me show you baby just how beautiful i think you are." he backed you up against the bed, pushing you down softly.

"so so pretty." he climbed on top of you, continuing his assault on your neck. "j..jay, feels so good." you moaned. "yeah? does it?" he kissed down to your chest. "im gonna make you feel so good princess." his hand came up to grope your tits. "been waiting so long to feel these in my hand baby, so soft." you're back arched off the bed at the sensation. "so sensitive."

"t..they're too big." he lifted your shirt off your body, going back to squeezing them. "they're fucking perfect baby, i can't wait to fuck them, paint them with my cum." he licked a nipple. "jay f..fuck." you sighed, as he licked and sucked on your nipples, showing them each the same amount of love and affection, before he continued down to your tummy.

"your pretty tummy, love to touch. " his kisses were hot on your stomach. "made me feel really bad earlier, my pretty baby wouldn't let me touch her pretty tummy like i always do, it's my favorite thing, but she denied me." he was getting dangerously close to your underwear. "m..m'sorry." he gave your stomach one more kiss. "i know baby, you're gonna repay me by letting me eat your pretty pussy aren't you?" his words made your hips involuntarily buck up.

"y..yes." he slowly slid your panties down your legs, kissing up your legs, until he was face to face with your heat. "s.stop staring." you tried to close your legs, but he held them open. "sorry love, i can't help it, you're so pretty, everything about you is so pretty." he kissed the inside of your thighs. "i really want you to sit on my face." you whined, he looked up at you. "not right now." he nodded. "okay princess we don't have to, it's all about you." he gave your thighs a few more kisses, you could feel his breathing on your heat.

"jay please." you mewled trying to move your hips. "do something." he kissed your thighs one more time, before giving your cunt a surprise lick. "jay." your hands gripped the bedsheet. "taste so good baby." he gave your cunt a few kitten licks before eating you out like a starved man.

you've never felt something like this, the way he would switch between long stripes up your wet cunt, to little kitten licks, it had your head spinning. one particular lick had you grabbing his hair, grinding your cunt against his face. he moaned right into your heat, allowing you to use him to get yourself off.

"jay i feel- shit it feels so good." he could feel you gripping his hair a little harder, you about to cum. "go a head and cum pretty girl." you felt something build up in your abdomen, then snap. "im cumming!" jay continued licking your mess, riding out your high, until he felt your hips jerk from overstimulation. "j..jay."

"okay princess im done." he gave your clit one more kiss, before coming up, his lips glossed from your essence and spit. "you taste so good, i couldn't help it." his hand came down to his crotch, palming his hard on. "jay- we don't have to do anything right now, i just wanted to show you how much i love you."

you ignored him, replacing his hand with yours, rubbing him. "i want to, i'm ready." he groaned, hips bucking into your touch. "fuck- fine princess, i'll be gentle i swear." you trusted jay, you knew he wouldn't harm you. "i know you will." he climbed off of you, getting rid of all his clothes.

you never seen a cock before beside the videos, but his was probably the prettiest you've ever seen, he wasn't intimidatingly big; thick enough to make you feel good, veins decorated the sides all the way up to his dark red tip that had precum bubbling at the top, it made your mouth water.

"princess why are you staring so much?" he smirked, his thumb coming up to rub your clit. "p..pretty." he chuckled. "thank you love." he teased your hole with a finger. "so wet princess." he slowly slid his finger in. "gotta stretch you out a bit pretty, so it won't hurt as much." he slowly fingered you before pulling out.

"you ready beautiful?" you nodded. "please put it in jay." he bent down, kissing your lips, distracting you as he slowly pushed himself inside your hole. "j..jay." you moaned in pain and pleasure at the stretch. "i know love, i know." he slowly bottomed out inside you, letting out a low moan as you successfully took him hole. "pretty girl, you took all of me."

you were so tight, the way you clenched around him so tightly he knew he wasn't gonna last long, it had been a year since he had sex with anyone, forced to use his hand. "fuck baby, if i don't move now, im gonna cum just from your pretty pussing clenching around me." you moaned. "y..you can move." he pulled out, pushing himself inside you all at once this time. "f..fuck jay!" he began to thrust himself in and out of you.

"shit! princess you're so tight, so fucking wet."

his eyes were glued to your tits, the way they bounced along with every thrust. "so pretty baby, you're so fucking pretty— shit- i hate when you talk bad about yourself." you were a moaning mess. "you're so beautiful, you mean so much to me, you understand me." you nodded, but jay wanted to hear you.

"i said do *thrust* you *thrust* under *thrust* stand *thrust* me?" you felt the build up in your abdomen. "i..i understand." he kissed your lips. "i love you so much, don't forget that." you couldn't understand why, but you started to cry. "i..i love you too." he kissed your cheeks. "j..jay i'm gonna cum." he reached in between your bodies rubbing your clit. "cum for me pretty, go a head." you were a crying fucked out mess as you came on his cock. "shit!" he pulled out, fisting his cock before spilling all over your abused twitching hole.

you were still crying, overwhelmed by everything, jay pulled you into a hug, not caring about the sweat, or the smell of sex in the air, he only cared about you. "it's okay love, im right here." he rocked your body. "let it out."

he let you get yourself together before he helped you clean up, bringing you back to the bed. "don't go." he smiled, caressing your face. "i'll be right back." he said exiting the room. he returned back with the food you bought. "let's just eat in here tonight, i'll clean everything else later." you smiled as your boyfriend set everything up. "what is it?" he laughed. "i just love you so much." he kissed your lips, pulling away smiling.

"i told you, i'll always be here for you, i love you too, forever and always."

©️LUVYENI

[ficcidio]

FINE LINE

pairing: idol bf!chris x idol!reader

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: hateful comments, swear words, reader uses she/her pronouns, reader has an anxiety attack, and has a trauma with bullying, i think that’s it

a/n: everytime i listen to this song i imagine this situation and i needed to write abt it, hope u like it love u <3 (not proofread btw)

ᯤ now playing: fine line by harry styles

— 시작

“she’s so ugly” “they shouldn’t have made it public” “how can he be with someone like her?” “is this a joke?” “chan deserves better” “i hope y/n dies.”

those were the comments you were receiving for these last two hours. dispatch had just revealed your relationship with chris and you were already receiving threatening, hateful messages. you didn’t want this, you didn’t chose it. you were so mad and so hurt. why would they do it without your consent? what if you were going through something? which you actually were.

2 a.m, you couldn’t sleep. you didn’t read not even one nice comments. they were all talking about how bad you are for him, how you don’t deserve it, how they want you dead. your past memories came in flashbacks and tears started running down your cheeks, you couldn’t stop crying loudly, not even thinking about how much noise you were causing. chris had already left you 20 messages and 3 missed calls but you just couldn’t answer. you didn’t have energy, it’s like they had taken everything from you and your sadness was the only thing left.

you threw your phone, not caring if it broke or not, only focusing on your thoughts, your memories triggering you. remembering your old self being hurt, called things, threatened, being humiliated publicly. before you even noticed, you couldn’t breathe anymore. you were fighting just to get some air. your phone rings again, and again, and again. you lost count on how many messages and calls you received, but your fear and embarrassment were much more important. you were incredibly scared.

you didn’t know how much time had passed until you heard the door open. it was chan. you situation was still the same, crying, being hard to breathe. you truly wanted to pretend it was fine, didn’t want to worry him, but you couldn’t stop the tears and the loudness was unstoppable.

you heard quick steps, probably running to find you. when he finally heard the sobs coming out of the bathroom, he entered the room as soon as possible and looked down at you laying on the floor. he kneeled and removed the hair that covered your face. there he found your beautiful eyes with tears in them, letting them fall, loudly crying. “my baby” he whispered as he lifted you from the floor. he sat there and put you on his lap. he kissed the tears on your cheeks softly while hugging you tightly. his warmth made you feel like all the air you needed was finally coming through your lungs, finally breathing normally

“shhh, it’s okay baby” he comforted you as he patted your head and you tried to hold your tears. “it’s not” you finally talked “they all hate me”

“they don-“ you didn’t even let him finish “they do, chris, they want me to die” you hid your face in the crook of his neck as you kept crying uncontrollably

“those people are just mean. don’t let them control your life, pretty. don’t think about them. it’s just me and you now, yeah? they’re not getting in between us. i won’t let them”

“but what if they do something to you? what if the company doesn’t accept us?” you said quietly, trying to catch your breath while sobbing

“i will fight for us, y/n” he started “i won’t let anyone put a finger on you, nobody will touch you as long as you’re with me. nobody will hurt you, i will protect you with my life”

“i’m scared…” you said in a thin voice that could barely be heard

“i know you must be terrified, but you’re not alone, yeah? we’re in this together. we’re more than a couple, we’re a team, and i refuse to come here if it’s not with you holding my hand” he stated “my love, i don’t care losing my job, my fans or my fame. none of them are as important as you are. you’re essential, you’re needed. i only care about you right now”

you felt his love in every of his words, he never failed to make you feel appreciated. he gave you a beautiful sweet smile that calmed you down almost immediately. the tears started to slow down until they finally stopped. meanwhile he was mumbling that one song you always listened to together. all those hurtful memories were no longer there. peace. relieve. that’s what you felt. maybe all this comments were still there, but you were no longer alone. actually, you were never alone. he held your hand tightly and used the other one to grab your face gently and make you look at him

“you just hold my hand like this, and you’ll see how everything bad comment, every threat, every single one of their words will no longer mean anything to you. always walk by my side. i’m not gonna leave you behind.” he kissed the palm of your hand a couple times and a smile appeared on your face. “there it is. your gorgeous smile” you couldn’t help but giggle and kiss his cheek softly

he lifted you up and carried you to your bedroom. he quietly put you in the bed as he did the same. you felt tired from crying, your eyes hurt so much and they felt so heavy. he kissed your head and hugged you warmly. “if anyone wants to separate us, they will have to bring down a torch from heaven and set us fire” he whispered. you smiled and clung tighter to him.

“we’ll be alright, beautiful. we’ll be okay as long as we stay together. and we will” he promised, and you fully believed him. you knew he was right. he always was.

[dellalyra]

I looked at the prompt list, but i literally COULD NOT decide, but i was thinking, what if Megumi or Tsumiki had a really bad nightmare? How would Gojo and Reader help them? I was thinking baby Megumi, in his sleepy, not being as menacing and just being scared and asking reader for help (cause gojo would bully him)

Also Ily, thank you for your service to society.

A/N: cryin screamin throwin up i can’t this was so sweet to write I think I got a cavity. Having soft sleepy baby Megumi made me so happy to write bc I feel he definitely had his vulnerable tiny little boy moments with these two after he settled in - still a prickly little cactus man most days but occasionally he just needed a cuddle - bc who wouldn’t? Especially if it’s Gojo giving them. Also ily and thank you so much these kind of messages MAKE MY FUCKIN DAY. Keep em coming!!!!!

listen to: luv note - chloe moriondo

la lune - billie marten

A Little Extra Love

Waking up to the sound of obvious nightmares wasn’t unusual for you. You’d been sleeping beside Satoru for a couple of years now, and you’ve shared rooms with Geto and Shoko - the four of you have seen too much shit to sleep unscathed. At least once a month, you’d be sitting with Satoru, still shaking and crying from the lingering feelings of fear and pain stemming from the nightmare - of Riko, of Suguru, of Toji - of losing you. You were no stranger yourself, dreams of bloodied white hair in your lap and vacant blue eyes with a stab wound through his throat plagued you - the image of Suguru holding a young girl's corpse, of the last time you saw Haibara all poisoned your sleep now and again.

So waking at 2am to the sounds of soft whimpers made you immediately turn around to wake your boyfriend from what you expected to be his nightmare - only to find him fast asleep, hair wild across the pillow and drool leaking from the corner of his mouth as he lay starfished across the bed. There was no relief however in seeing a peaceful Satoru - because that meant it was one of the kids.

They’d been with you for about 9 months now, and it was almost Megumi’s 7th birthday.

You bolted up, trying to stay silent as you creeped out your door and ran down the hallway to the kids rooms - the sound was coming from Megumi’s room so you softly opened the door and came face to face with a sight that broke your heart. Megumi was clutching his frog plush so tight that his small knuckles were white and his face was contorted in fear - whimpers and soft cries coming from his trembling mouth.

Dashing across to his bed, you gently sat on the bed beside him. You knew that waking anyone - let alone a 6 year old - abruptly from a nightmare would only cause more fear, so you began to softly coo his name and stroke his soft black hair away from his face. After about 20 seconds, you placed a hand on his little chest and rubbed soothing circles - causing his eyes to flash open and the frog to be clutched even tighter to his chest as he let out a yelp at whatever woke him, eyes wide and petrified frantically scanning the room before he surprised you by flinging his tiny arms around your neck and clutching you right and crawling his way into your lap.

“You’re okay sweet boy, you’re safe. It was a nasty dream, that’s all.” You coo into his hair, with the softest voice you can muster. You hate seeing him like this, you wish he didn’t have the trauma he did so he could worry about things normal little boys did instead.

He sniffled into your chest, head pressed into your fluffy pyjama top face first. You continue the slow cycles on his back and wrap your arm around his legs to keep his close to you.

“Do you wanna talk about it, baby?” You ask.

He shudders, but nods.

“He c-came to get us, my dad, he came in here and took me and ‘Miki and said w-we had to leave with him to the big Zen’in family and never come home again and h-he said you didn’t w-want us and-” and the sobs took over as you got the gist of the dream and if the ghost of Toji Fushiguro was in front of you right now you’d kill him and send him back to hell again.

“Oh, my sweet boy - that’s never gonna happen. We’re never leaving you or Tsumiki, we always will want you guys - we love you both so much. I promise, no matter how much me and Satoru annoy you guys you can’t get rid of us, ‘Kay? We’re a family now. Your dad isn’t taking you from us, pinky promise.”

‘Because your unofficially adopted father killed him and him and I threatened the Zen’in family so much that they’re too scared to come within a mile of you two!’ Is the bit you leave out.

You also leave out that you and Satoru are looking at legally adopting them - that’s for another, happier time.

He sticks his little pinkie finger out and locks it with yours, sniffling a tiny bit more and rubbing his face (snot and all) onto your koala print top, but you couldn’t care less when you can feel the shaking start to settle.

“We can stay with you guys forever, ‘Miki too? Even though she has no magic stuff like me and you guys because the Zen’in said that she wasn’t worth keeping and -” He asks.

“Megumi - we don’t want you two because of what you can or can’t do - we love you guys as Megumi and Tsumiki, nothing else. Even if neither of you could do any of that stuff, you’re stuck with us, okay? Satoru and I have enough magic to keep us all safe - the whole family, okay?” You hate the Zen’in family for even planting that fear in his little brain.

“I love you too.” He says as his tears dry and you wipe his little face. This is only the second time he’s said it to you both, once was a few weeks ago when you and Satoru put him to sleep and both whispered “love you!” into his softly lit room and he whispered “love you guys too.”

You both sobbed that night - you’re both only 21 - can’t be doing that bad of a job with them if he says it back, can you?

“You’re such a brave boy. If you get more yucky dreams again, you come get me or Satoru, okay?” You plonk a kiss on his spiky hair.

“Just you. Not Satoru.” He looks down, fiddling with your necklace.

“Why not, sweetie?”

“I - don’t want him to know.”

“About the nightmares?”

He nods.

“He - he’s the strongest. I don’t want him to think I’m not brave or strong.” He says, words that shouldn’t even compute that way in his head.

“Absolutely not - baby, who told you that being scared makes you not brave or strong?” You tilt his little head up.

“My dad.”

“Well your dad’s dumb then. You can only be really brave if you’re scared. Being scared and fighting anyway is the bravest thing a person can do, I promise. Think about it this way - who’s the bravest and strongest person you know?” You ask as he giggles at you saying Toji’s dumb (you’ve plenty of other names too for that man.)

“You and Satoru.” He says with such resolve your heart melts, you expected him to say Satoru, so being included felt good.

“Satoru and I both get nightmares too, I had one last week, Satoru a few nights ago. It doesn’t mean you’re not brave or strong - it just means you need a little extra love, that’s all.” You nod at him, and you seem the surprise in his eyes at the revelation that the strongest and bravest people he knows get nightmares too, shattering the words Toji had planted into smithereens. How could nightmares mean you’re not those things if you guys had them? You had to know, because you and Aunty Koko were the smartest people in the world. Maybe Ijichi too.

He’s quiet for a minute.

“So if I have a bad dream - I can come get you or Satoru?” He asks.

“You can get more or him for anything at all, honey, not just bad dreams. We’re always here for you, and nothing will change our minds about how much we love you, or how brave and strong and smart and kind you are - ‘Kay?” He nods into your chest at this.

He settles down, small fingers still fiddling with your pendant.

“C’mon, do you wanna come stay with us in our room tonight?” You say.

He thinks for a second.

Then nods, and yawns.

So you lift him onto your hip, ensuring he has his frog and his water bottle and carry him down the hall into your room. Satoru’s still splayed across the bed like he’s determined to use every single centimetre of his long ass body to claim territory.

You point at the drool on his face and Megumi giggles, hearing Satoru order dessert in his sleep.

You lay him down between you both, and crawl in under the covers as he settles in - the movement stirring Satoru, who’s eyes open and he looks in confusion.

“Princess whatcha doin’ up? S’late. Wait - what you doin’ here kid?” He slurs, lifting himself onto his side to face you both.

Megumi looks at you and you smile, tucking him into the bed with you both.

“‘Gumi had a bad dream, ‘toru - so he’s going to stay with us tonight, a little extra love - yeah?” You say, petting both your boys hair. ‘A little extra love’ was what you had said to Satoru when you found him awake after a nightmare back in first year of high school. He smiled at that, eyes dropping back closed as he ruffled Megumi’s hair.

“Bad dream are the worst, aren’t they kiddo? I hate ‘em. If any bad guys come near you I’ll blast them into space, ‘kay? You just shout for me in your dream and let me deal with ‘em.” Satoru mumbles, sleep quickly taking him again, as he shuffles in closer to the middle and you both wrap an arm around the little boy who is snuggling in to return to sleep.

“Promise?” Megumi asks, poking Satoru’s nose.

“Pinky promise.” Satoru replies, lips quirked but eyes shut.

Megumi smiles softly to himself, and hugs his frog and shuts his eyes.

You let out a yawn, eyes closing heavy.

“Goodnight boys, I love you both.”

“Night Y/N. Luh’ you too.” Megumi mumbles, hair splayed almost identically to Satoru’s.

“Night night, Princess. Love ya’ always, you too kiddo.”

No more nightmares that night, just four sleeping soundly in a quiet cottage.

[mdhwrites]

Recently, I've been poring over the 'TOH critical' tags and, as someone who wanted to properly watch the show, seeing just how many flaws the writing and characters have kinda turned me off from even starting for a bit. Before I found these tags, I would have assumed Owl House was some kind of flawless untouchable masterpiece. Now, I can see that it is immensely flawed. Not bad, but flawed. It has great ideas that it just spaffs up the walls. In some cases that I've seen, it goes against its own message, which brings me to the point of this.

The show seems to have a message of 'be a weirdo! Be who you want to be and don't let anyone tell you to be something you're not'. This 'be yourself' message is fine in a vacuum, but then there's a character who's treatment in the show goes against this. Hooty! From the moment he's introduced, Hooty is presented as a weird creature. Even other people in the Demon Realm find him unnatural. He's kinda in his own world, and he says and does things that are weird. This would work well for the message, but the problem arises from other characters' treatment of him.

Everyone fucking HATES Hooty! They loathe him! They call him names, they hit him, they put him down constantly, the works! Everyone holds him in open contempt! I wouldn't really have an issue with this at first, but Luz also takes part in some of these actions. It would be one thing for negative/antagonistic characters to be doing this, but the self-proclaimed 'weirdo' main characters? She seems annoyed by Hooty's very existence. Don't get me wrong, he IS annoying, but he's also just being himself. He's a proud weirdo and doesn't let anyone stop him from being who he wants.

Why doesn't Luz love him?

He is exactly the type of person(?) who she should feel connected with. And the fact she joins in on some of the bullying is real shitty. Keep in mind Luz was ridiculed and ostracised for being weird, so her then turning around and being all dismissive and annoyed by someone who is, for all intents and purposes, just like her is shitty.

Personally, I would have had it that Luz really likes Hooty. She admires how he's so unapologetic in his weirdness. You could even still have Eda hitting him and calling him names, which Luz calls out. She knows what it's like to be put down for just being yourself, and she's not gonna stand to see someone else get the same treatment.

Or, another idea, Luz starts out sharing Eda's view on Hooty and being annoyed by him. One time, he does something or shows Luz something he's proud of. She calls him or it or both stupid, and Hooty just....cries. I don't mean overblown waterfalls-out-the-eyes crying, I mean he turns his head down and looks visibly upset.

Luz sees that her words have genuinely hurt Hooty. This could be her realising that Hooty isn't just some weird talking punching bag to hurl abuse at. For his weird actions and appearance, he's a person too. Her being mean to him just for being himself, she realises, makes her no better than her bullies.

Then, to make this even more shitty, the characters DO start being nicer to him later on, but only after he's proven himself useful. So that's a good message, isn't it? 'Love is conditional!' It really makes the 'found family' aspect of the Owl House residents feel all the more forced.

Tl;Dr It's okay to be a weirdo, unless you're Hooty!

(But that's just me! I hope all of this made sense and you can decipher what I'm trying to say😊)

So the short answer to this is that Hooty is essentially character/thematic assassination on... Everyone? Because the show wants to say "Be who you are! Have freedom! Express yourself!" Hooty however is constantly mocked, belittled and literally hurt by others with at best an apology. People treat his portable form as gross despite that letting him experience more of life and the one time people begrudgingly acknowledge he is truly good, they then force him to promise to not repeat the helpful behavior. He is not allowed freedom, expression or to be himself without ridicule, EVEN BY LUZ.

This... However has a bigger problem. Hooty is a bit character after all. If you want to claim he doesn't matter because he's just a joke... There's okay precedent for it. The problem is that then you have to ask what he's mocking. After all, gag characters are all about mocking a certain archtype or the like. King's whole point is to mock children who think themselves as self important and point out how deluded and funny that is, or how funny a deluded sense of self grandeur in general is, at least in the first season. As such... What is Hooty?

Hooty is Sheldon. Not literally but spiritually and this is gonna get kind of rough but here me out. For those who don't get the reference, Sheldon is the main autistic representation in The Big Bang Theory. He is also the most antagonistic force within the friend group. Not because he's evil or anything but because he his own certain ways of doing things and ways he looks at things and as such actually has a lot of episodes about expanding his perception of the world and of others learning to understand who he is and why he is the way he is. The show is actually shockingly respectful in this way, at least most of what I have seen of it, and I can portray this with the best joke I can recall from the series. It also will help me later in why The Big Bang Theory is better than TOH at one certain element people REALLY want to say TOH is great about.

The setup is that the other three main dudes are at a white board, discussing plans to go so see a movie. Every plan they devise runs into a road block because of allergies, time, etc. like that, not even only just because of Sheldon's quirks. However, then the lead, the Ross of the group, stops and goes, "I see it." The others squint and look closer before he adds, "It's the only way." The other two agree... And then they all just leave without Sheldon coming with. Sheldon pauses, looks at the board and goes, "They're correct. It was the only way."

I LOVE this joke... Because it's not mean AT ALL. One might think if they're overly sensitive that it is. I mean, how could they leave their friend behind!? But Sheldon is very honest and up front about his quirks and habits. These guys know him well enough that they know better than to force him out of his comfort zone. That he doesn't function that way. Sheldon KNOWS THIS TOO. As such, when presented with the options of telling Sheldon they can't go because they can't go without him or still having a good night and not making their friend feel bad for being why they couldn't go out, they choose to go out and Sheldon agrees that it was the correct option. They respected him while still living their lives.

And this is because The Big Bang Theory's pitch is not to be offensive to nerds like many online people like to make it out to be (I fucking hate people who call it 'Nerd Black Face') but to just make fun of us like any sitcom would. Sitcoms are parodies of real life. They always exaggerated characters we know are somewhat true. We know a Kramer, we know a Ross, we know a Barney, we know a Lorraine. Are they exactly like this? No, it's cranked up so that it's a comedy, that's the fucking point. But this comedic framing also allows it to be honest about ALL sides of nerd dom.

Sheldon is BY FAR made out to be the most successful, intelligent and wealthiest of ALL the guys. Also, all the guys are doing well in their fields and monetarily. Do they have widespread fame and acclaim? Not really but they're not discredited or anything, they just have interdepartmental bickering. That's accurate from literally every scientist I have seen talk about the subject. It's genuine about the good and the bad of the nerd experience while being entertaining.

So what the fuck does any of this have to do with The Owl House? And especially Hooty? It's actually quite simple. While TOH champions having a nerd protagonist, it presents the 'gentrified nerd'. The convenient nerd. They know about fanfiction but won't force you to actually hear about it. They have interests but not hyperfixations. They don't ever get lost down a rabbit hole because they're passionate about something or just want to tell you a neat fact.

Do you know who does though? Hooty. Hooty just wants someone who is willing to listen about his day. He has some weird quirks to how he behaves and he likes some strange things like bugs. He will talk to you for hours on a subject, randomly and just because he can and might forget that you might have other things to do. To me, those are very, VERY accurate parts of nerd life... And we're supposed to fucking HATE Hooty for these things. Remember the only person, in the ENTIRE SERIES to actually befriend Hooty instead of treating him at best as a convenience is Liltih... At the start of her becoming a joke. The only person who shows him real, genuine compassion... Also becomes 'The Cool Aunt' who hyper fixates on niche architecture and has her trauma of working the EC mocked as just being really bad at her job.

It is, genuinely, kind of gross to me. I've actually talked about this before that the show is so hyperfocused on a very specific, very small set of people for who it approves of, which is essentially whoever fits into Luz correctly, that anyone who felt excluded by the show is extremely valid. And yes, Luz has a montage at the start of silly, over the top and extreme behavior... That doesn't continue. At all. The one time she subjects someone to an Azura rant is to torture Eda enough to go to the Convention and that's only because they were already on the subject because King was interested. She quotes Azura but quickly and doesn't lose the thread. She might say a cute word like 'Snorses' but not even enough to make a break in the conversation.

She is convenient. Gus is only interested in human stuff when it's convenient. Willow will put aside her interest in plants when it's inconvenient. Amity just stops giving a shit about being an intellectual AT ALL post her getting a crush. Hunter wears a wolf t-shirt and gets into Cosmic Frontier enough to cosplay it for Halloween... But only Halloween. These are people who are extremely socially acceptable in every way.

Which... explains why nerds love them actually. See, I think Big Bang Theory does deserve criticism, it is by no means perfect and I would be VERY interested in hearing what the Jewish community thinks of Howard who is easily the most problematic character in the show but not all of the criticism is genuine. I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that we're used to a side, gag character representing the kind worst parts of us... But we're not used to being the focus. We can laugh at all the broke bitches who show up in Sitcoms or the jock failures who are meatheads, etc. like that... But laugh at ourselves? Why would we do that? Why would we allow that? We're better than what this show depicts, even if we're not.

It is inconvenient to the narrative we wish to tell ourselves that we are still the outcasts. That are we not part of the dominant culture and so it is unfair to mock our interests and lifestyle. But like... Marvel movies have been the biggest blockbusters for well over a decade and no one bats a fucking at that. D&D is quickly becoming a household name due to its ever expanding influence. We are not the outcasts anymore. Being into a weird cartoon is not some shocking thing like it was 12 years ago when Bronies first made people aware that this subculture of nerds existed. Times are changing but we still wish to see ourselves as only the victims, even as more and more our spaces show that they are just as evil, corrupt, manipulative and cruel as any athletic superstar or pretty boy actor's club.

A lot of these nerds want to believe they are Luz. Never wrong, never giving anyone a reason to dislike them, and always just passionate about the things they like, never annoying. And you know who those people would mock? Who those people HAVE mocked?

Hooty. Because he's more real. He's the demon they wish they didn't have to face in the mirror. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I really do want to re-emphasize this: FUCK HOWARD. Big Bang is NOT good for the jewish community and I don't think if I watched it nowadays I would be able to tolerate his depiction AT ALL. Also, Raj is also probably all sorts of rough too. I'm ONLY defending the nerd portrayal part of Big Bang.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[eureka-its-zico]

I’m gonna need one of those short prompts of zoro just thirsting after doc. I wanna see heart eyes and bullying from Nami.

With that being said, something light would be nice. The series has been pretty dark for the last two chapters and it’d be nice to see them act relatively normal again

I took a small break from working on Ch. 10 to write this out. This chapter is a lot more fun and way less serious than the other two, and I feel like this little spin-off I wrote gives good insight into the chapter.

I hope you like it 💕

P.s. I wrote this on my phone and posting it from my phone so if it’s a little wonky, please forgive me.

——————————

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Staring.”

If Nami called him out one more time he was going to need to hit something. And if aforementioned orange-haired friend asked how long he’d been watching you, Zoro was going to lie.

Just like what he was doing now.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The shit eating grin Nami wore at his response told him all he needed to know.

He was a terrible liar.

“I’m sure you don’t,” Nami quipped.

“I’m sorry is there a reason you’re here? Besides to annoy me.”

“Ouch!”

Zoro didn’t finish watching Nami pretend to cover up a wound or to see her finish the playful pout she’d been sending his way the past couple of weeks. It allowed his gaze to fall back on where you’d been the last half hour tending to the tangerine trees they’d taken with them for Nami. A piece of Nami’s old life - her old home - planted on the ship as a reminder of all she’d overcome and what she’d gained.

It had taken less than a day for you to talk Nami into showing you how much water to give them and how to carefully trim their branches. Zoro warned you not to overdue it. You were still healing - some of your stitches barely keeping the once open wounds an inch from reopening with one wrong move.

You quickly overruled his worries with a soft press of your lips against his. He refused to admit it had left him shellshocked as you walked away; rooted to the spot next to the island in the kitchen with that damn cook smirking at him while his brain tried to remember how to make words.

“Shut up, waiter.”

“I didn’t even say anything,” Sanji replied, flabbergasted and yet, still smirking.

“Keep it that way.”

Zoro stormed out of that kitchen and wanted to storm away from Nami too, but this place on the upper terrace of the deck gave him the perfect spot to watch you. To make sure you were being careful and only a short distance away if you weren’t.

“I thought you guys were together.”

God, he really needed Nami to fuck off. Crossing his arms, Zoro leaned his forearms against the railing and hoped it would send the message he was done conversing. Unfortunately for him, Nami moved closer. Her back against the rail and her arms draped behind her. It gave Nami the perfect view of his face.

Zoro knew she wasn’t going to leave him alone until he answered.

“We are.”

“So, care to tell me why you are watching her like you’re still pining for her?”

“I’m not pining,” he grumbled back.

“This is the definition of pining.”

That’s it. He was going to toss Nami overboard.

“I’m not - “

He refused to admit defeat but damn it he couldn’t stop his forehead from pressing down into the wood of the bannister. He wasn’t a religious man, but he prayed to anyone listening to give him strength.

You would be super pissed if he did throw Nami overboard.

“Is there a reason you’re still here bugging the shit out of me?”

“If you’re with her Zoro, go be with her. That’s all I’m saying. You shouldn’t have to creep around and be away from her when you clearly want to be next to her.”

Zoro did.

He couldn’t describe it. Fuck, he couldn’t deny it, either. Every atom of his being craved to be next to you. To bury his face in the crook of your neck and breathe you in. Memorize the smell of the sea on your skin and the different herbs you dried and for whatever concoctions you made that day. He loved it when he could smell Rosemary in your hair or the ginger that reminded him of home.

But he didn’t want to overwhelm you. It’d only been a couple of weeks since Luffy and crew had left the Conomi Islands. Only a few weeks when Zoro thought he would never…

“I’m just trying to give her space.”

Fuck. Why did his voice have to be so soft? Now Nami was giving him that look and - fuck.

Zoro refused to glance up at Nami - the look that must be on her face. So, he kept his eyes on the safest place he could find.

You.

“Look, I know this relationship thing is kind of new for you, Zoro. It can be scary, at times.”

“I’m not afraid,” he cut in.

“-but,” she continued ignoring his sudden outburst. “I know for a fact the last thing she wants is space. Doc wants you, Zoro more than she’s going to want to be left alone.”

She clapped her hand against his shoulder, signaling she was departing, and left him brooding against the banner. His eyes no longer watching as you gently cut dying stems from the tangerine trees, but out into the endless blue and wondered if it was possible that Nami was right.

He was never going to hear the end of it if she was.

[fandoms-in-law]

Revealing Flowers

Summary: Steve and Eddie both know they're soulmates. They've never spoken and don't know how to start speaking to each other but they know it. The Upside Down at least gets them talking to each other.

/\

Steve knew his soulmate. He just didn't know how to approach or talk to him.

Eddie knew Steve's soulmate. He was trying to pretend he didn't unless Steve started speaking to him.

Hawkins High didn't know who Steve Harrington's soulmate was and loved to speculate and gossip each time he saw a girl more than once. 

Robin Buckley had been a prime candidate until she produced the receipt for her tattoo of flowers people had pointed at saying they matched Steve's. It had been a promise to each other of permanence but not dictated by a soulmate bond.

The only other student everyone knew had tattoos was Eddie and even he'd stuck to animals and patterns rather than convincing the artist to let him have flowers.

They'd forgotten the times the jocks had bullied him for fake soulmate flowers. Billy had found it especially fun to do after the second ones that appeared on his face vanished in a few weeks. Somehow he never realised those flowers matched with other injuries he'd recently caused.

~

"I don't get it." Robin said, hurrying through the store to start her shift.

Steve watched her curiously since no customers were around. "Get what?"

"Nobody knows your soulmate but you say you do. How? You're not dating them or speak to anyone other than that kids and me." she spoke quickly, glancing at the door.

"Eh, he got bullied over faking soulmate flowers. I was off for part of the week but the fading ones matched my injuries. Just didn't know how to talk to him so tried getting the bullying to stop." Steve shrugged. He'd mentioned before that his soulmate was male but never wanted to say who before actually speaking to him.

"Munson? Him? You can easily start talking to him. He's leading the kids club or is it some other guy you've complained over losing Dustin to a million times." Robin rolled her eyes as if it really was that easy.

Steve raised an eyebrow at her. "And when my injuries and scars get questioned?"

She opened and closed her mouth a few times trying to think of something but the after work customers started arriving before she did.

~

"Help us find Eddie!" Dustin had snapped it while he and Max did all they could to take over Family Video.

Steve froze, before reaching for the scissors. "Robin? Write 'Let me help. Where are you?' with these please?" He asked, holding both hands out. He wasn't sure Eddie would reply but it would give a better answer than whatever the kids planned on doing.

She didn't say anything as she did, and he didn't react to the scratches being put on the back of his hand, looking to the kids instead. "He's my soulmate. I just never knew how to approach him and he didn't speak to me either. This is over Cunningham, right?"

"It's gotta be back! Eddie wasn't meant to get involved!" Dustin agreed, pacing from stress. "Let's call the rest of Hellfire, see if they know where he'd go."

Max shot a judgemental look at Dustin before turning it on Steve. "Are you explaining that so Dustin forgets to freak out about it cause he's worrying already?"

"Nope just to explain doing this." Steve held his arm up as Robin had just finished scratching his message out.

Before more could be said though flowers were appearing on his forearm.

Steve glanced at them and around the shop. "I'm calling Keith. Your parents have insisted you go home to stay safe if there's someone murdering girls in Hawkins and mine are demanding I join them in California for safety though I've no clue how they heard about the murder already. He can manage the shop now." He resolved. If the Upside Down was back it had never been a one day and finished situation, except for Starcourt but he wasn't sure of that even.

"He replied? Let's go!" Dustin was trying to push them out the door before Steve could make the call and getting dodged.

"After I've at least tried to ensure we have a job for after this is sorted." Steve insisted, glancing at his arm and seeing it still wasn't enough to just drive to. He checked on their system for the full address from the name on his arm while making the call.

~

Eddie had peered out of the boat shed when Steve knocked, justifiably hesitant but letting the four of them in silent until the door was shut. "I didn't do it, Harrington. I don't know what happened." he said then,eyes remaining on Steve the entire time.

"So it wasn't a monster? Normally when things like this happen in Hawkins a monster is seen." Steve asked, certain that would've been mentioned rather than nothing known.

Eddie blinked at that, slumping in on himself. "You're serious? Weird shit has happened before?"

"Yes but it changes every time." Steve gentle his tone, accepting that even if Robin max and Dustin were there and at least one of them wanted to ask their own questions Eddie was only focusing on him. "What did you see? So we can try and help from there."

"She... fuck! Chrissy levitated, floated to the ceiling and then-" Eddie broke off heaving slightly. "Don't make me describe it. She died on the ceiling."

Dustin made a noise of alarm, getting the pair to jump to face him, "Only El has done that so far! And that's when she's in sight of a person!"

"El?" Eddie asked, glancing around at Max and Robin as if expecting one of them to identify as her.

"A girl who had superpowers, moved away last year and had lost them." Steve explained in an aside, he clicked at Dustin, heading towards the door. "You think that through. Let's get to the car. Eddie, you're being a coat pile and coming with us."

Eddie didn't stand, even as Robin and Max filed out.

He was shaking his head before Steve looked back at him. "I can't risk that. They're - they're blaming me, aren't they?"

"You can. Nobody would expect you to be staying at my house, Munson. They're idiots so come on, big empty house with heating and comfy beds or a drafty boat house?" Steve repeated his decision, gesturing impatiently.

Eddie still hesitated but at another gesture reluctantly followed.

~

They didn’t talk about being soulmates. Through the time Eddie was hiding at Steve’s, through Nancy and Robin trying to investigate more of what Wayne had mentioned and Dustin’s realisation that the compasses were changing direction towards a gate, neither Eddie or Steve mentioned the soulmate connection again.

That’s not to say they didn’t grumble about it, Eddie had definitely had complaints over how weird soulmate flowers felt as they formed and Steve got to point out he’d never had enough to notice.

He was noticing now, feeling his skin rippling even as he worked with Nancy and Robin to try and get their original plan back. Whatever had happened with Dustin and Eddie while the vines had tried to kill them was probably killing Eddie now and Steve knew he needed to rush.

Without saying more than “Eddie.” He handed the axe to Robin once their molotovs were thrown and ran, hoping she’d be able to behead Vecna while he tried to save Eddie’s life.

The extra seconds he got from feeling the flowers forming might not have saved Eddie’s life but Steve definitely felt like they did as he lost himself in as much first aid as the Upside Down allowed and getting himself, Dustin and Eddie out and to the hospital. He’d raise hell himself if anyone tried using bullshit accusations to prevent his soulmate getting necessary care.

~

“My boy’s been worried about you.” Wayne commented seeing Steve coming back to the room.

In the week since Eddie was admitted they’d gotten to know each other pretty well, chatting the times Eddie slept through their visits but Steve still felt unnerved by the comment. “I know. He’d been trying to get the nurses to bring a second bed in here so I can rest properly instead of in a chair.”

“I don’t mean since whatever happened. I mean since 83 when his face got covered in flowered to match your injuries and every year since then.” Wayne corrected, nodding to the other chair, “Although he is definitely worried about you currently too.”

He blinked at the mention, eyes tracing over Eddie automatically. “We haven’t spoken about it.”

“But you both know you’re sticking to each other anyway.” The observation was one Steve had been avoiding. It felt vulnerable to admit that when Eddie hadn’t said anything but Wayne didn’t look annoyed. He’d spoken as if that was a fact.

“I don’t want to leave him, but it’s Eddie’s choice what we are, do.” Steve muttered, spotting Eddie’s eyes flickering but after a moment of quiet he settled back to sleep again.

Wayne watched him for a moment, “Well how’re you gonna learn that if neither of you will start talking about it? I’ve been telling him to just say hi to you for years and now you’re talking you ain’t mentioning the soulmates connection for some reason. He said that was how you found him but you’re still not asking how he feels about it or saying what you think. Silence don’t get you far.”

Steve nodded, pursing his lips as he thought over the advice. “Okay, Eddie, stop pretending to sleep and join the conversation. You wanna date and be soulmates?”

“Yes?” Eddie’s brow furrowed, his head rolling to blink at Steve. “How’d you know I was listening?”

“I heard talking as I came up the hall. Wayne doesn’t talk to himself.” Steve stared between Uncle and Nephew unamused for a moment. “I know Dustin told you about the other times shit happened. If there’s one clue I’m going to notice first in the group it’s noises cause my hearing is the best.”

“Oh.” Eddie paused for a moment, taking in that information, “So soulmates?”

Steve smiled at him sweetly, “Yes, I’ll get a date arranged for when you’re released, okay?”

“Okay.”

[quaggyday]

Here’s a drawing I spent a little less time on cause I wanted it out quicker to explain Lang’s lore. Btw does anyone have tips for drawing hands.

Undertale gold au and Rover belong to @s0ckh3adstudios and knowing what she’s written beforehand helps in context for this story.

Also Tw for neglect, bullying, and violence that is at least sort of talked about.

Enjoy my word babbles!

Lang only recently moved into the town near Mt Ebott and they were really lonely and isolated. Their parents were pretty negligent of them and they had a hard time speaking and communicating with others. (I’m trying to write they have aphasia or some other type of disability, need to do more research though)

The only way Lang could talk to others was through their notebooks but because of language barriers and their tendency to scare other kids off little progress was made. So when they ran to the mountain to get away from bullies, Lang decided to go higher and talk to the monsters they had read about in books.

They reached the top and fell down, and from there Lang tried to mess around with the meta of Undertale. They tried to give themselves the ability to create dialogue boxes and talk the way monsters do, through written sentences in video games. Due to their lack of determination or possibly Tores influence however, they were unable to create a perfect box.

So when they tried using ACTS to talk, Lang’s words were extremely messy and jumbled and actively scared monsters away in the process. Feeling rejected by both humans and monsters Lang wanted to leave.

But as they stumbled through the darkness of the ruins to the snowy area, their anger began to rise as more monsters fled from them. They actively barked and screamed tand eventually they tried climbing a tree with their perseverance powers in the hope of reaching the underground ceiling.

They fell down for the second time that day and survived only with their invincibility. When they awoke their notebook was gone and Lang was pissed.

Racing through the snow, their SOUL beat with purple and actively created a ton of damage in their wake. Lang’s chase eventually lead them to Snowdin where the group of monsters who stole Lang’s notebook had given it to Rover.

Lang lunged forward, knocking out Axis for a couple seconds and scaring off the monsters. In their fury they prepared to attack Rover but only found the monsters apologetic expression.

This snapped them out of their rage and Lang finally tried saying what was on their mind- tried apologizing. But it was too late as adult monsters came to see a human had entered their home. So Lang grabbed their notebook and Rover’s hat by accident and made a break for it.

They ran to waterfall where they were cornered by Axis, but quickly beat them with raw anguish and threw the robot over a waterfall. Lang then only stumbled further ahead until they reached a dead end.

Feeling nothing but guilt for their actions, Lang chose to write one last message in their notebook before they were cornered by Dalv. One lightning strike was enough and Lang didn’t fight back. They let it happen, let themselves rest.

(Until Dalv and Chujin revived Lang and ended up pissing them off ten times more)

Anyway, tell me anything about the lore I’ve written since there is a possibility it might change. If you have any questions just ask in notes too.

Random notes!

-Lang talks in a weird way, since they use ACTS and dialogue boxes. They don’t open their mouth and instead sentences from them look like this

“Lang asks why monsters are underground”

“Lang agrees to the plan ”

“Lang explains that they are tired of people’s shit”

-Lang is Chinese and they also know English, sign language, morse code, and wing dings for shits and giggles.

-Lang is a very blunt kid, but they are genuinely polite and caring to those around them. Their emotions just tend to get the better of them though.

-They love comic books and comic strips, and they specifically talk just about them

[jerzwriter]

Here’s a food for thought in regards to your dirty secrets which are NOW out in the open:

You’re the fakest fucking bitch ever in Tumblr to ever exist along with your precious Jamespotterthefirst and your little crew. You love to bully others who don’t write Open Heart fanfiction but yet you bully others who write “Laws of Attraction” fan fiction and hate on the book. By the way, @flowernewsqueen is the “Queen of Laws of Attraction” skills and she’s much more better than you. Do not act like you don’t know her because she’s a gem in the fandom over on instagram. So go fuck yourself for talking shit about her and anyone else who loves the book.

You ruined everything with the characters of Ethan Ramsey and Tobias. Get help you fucking cunt.

Uh... Nonny... sweet, sweet Nonny... you may want to have your meds adjusted. No shame in that game, really. I do it when needed, and I suggest you should too. Trust me.

This is my face at the moment because:

a) I bully those who don't write OH? Uhm. OK. I actually write for stories other than OH and want to expand on that... and I spend an insane amount of time running CFWC to support all Choices creators. But you listen to those voices in your head, boo. Like - what do you do to support anyone else in the fandom? Send sweet messages like this? It's unimpressive, honestly.

b) I hate Laws of Attraction? Really? That's news to me. Like, do I hate ham sandwiches too? Because that's just as fucking random. I have no issues with LOA, and even if I did, I wouldn't begrudge anyone else the right to enjoy it - much less bully them over it. Truly. Baffled.

c) I don't know the writer you refer to. I am almost never on Instagram; I only created an account there to support artists who aren't on Tumblr. Like, what kind of weed are you smoking, Nonny, and if it's that fucking good, can you share it with the rest of the class? Don't be stingy.

Babydoll, I'm here trying to determine if you have really bad sources if you were dropped on your head, or both... because you're buggin'. If attention was your goal - well - I apologize for giving you any. You won't get any more...but I decided not to delete this because it is just SO FUCKING RANDOM and I'm in my Reputation era - so I don't give a fuck.

Oh, and being fake? Bitch. Call me a bitch. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you like. Opinions are like assholes, we all have one, and the majority of them stink. But fake? I'm me in all my ridiculousness and proud of it. I parade my crazy out on the front porch and serve it sweet tea in plain view - hope it provides a little entertainment. I'm not some pretentious little c*nt trying to act like something I'm not. Mirror, sweetheart - get to a mirror. Fast.

You must be really bored or need a new hobby. Go outside, man. See a movie. Attend a concert. Visit a friend. Get Laid. Touch some grass...anything... because you're off your fucking rocker.

[wellfell]

WANTED CONNECTIONS ; hehe . call it a wishlist if you will , just the dynamics i want to write with akina . and it means you can always message me to plot one of them , i'm always open . 💕

ships ;

ryuji & akina ; ding dong . 🤞 listen just the dynamic of feral girl and geek bf but the geek bf is the meanest man in the world . and truth is akina is attracted to him because he's mean , but she doesn't know it . also there's always ghosts and death around their relationship . but keep in mind that akina meets him as her professor when she's around the age of twenty4 , twenty5 even older so yeah there's no funny business in that .

akina & eren ; uhm . yeah . angry and angrier . as i said , since it happens around the era that she's eighteen / nineteen it wouldn't be anything too dramatic but very dramatic because akina is an idiot with a really nice heart and despite seeing his point she could never join his side . enemies , and also openly avoiding hurting each other completely . and always bickering , and instinctively saving each other ... poetic .

lan & akina ; lan is the bestest man in the world and akina is the worst human being . yeah , that dynamic . and the whole soulmate shit which is more of a curse to him than anything because yeah akina will die before she's thirty or something with the amount of channelling energy she holds in herself . now add the fact that akina would and will demolish everything and everyone around herself , bring a grand destruction upon anyone that lays a finger on him . ✍️

moiraine & akina ; good god . just imagine it . them knowing each other before akina was cast out and they were pretty close . akina is fire and she's water akina is red and she's blue . moiraine knowing that liandrin and everyone else in the tower is using akina , because the more she uses her power the more she gets closer to death and burning out . so .

other ;

fumiko ; HER BESTIE ??? fumiko is a quiet girl , and it was the ' she saved me from the bullies ' tropes because akina didn't hesitate when she saw one of the cheerleaders make fun of the way fumiko dresses . then went to rudely tell her she won't help her the next time it happens and guess what ; she's fucking lying .

a mother figure ; HAHAHAHAH . god . it's not even hard , just be a considerably older woman and ask if she's eaten and she'll literally keep coming back to your house every day with a tiny gift or a cake she's baked for you . kinda pathetic . she'll help you with everything but she'll overdo it lol and it'll probably damage the woman's life . uwu .

osamu's assistant ; they might be the only one who really respects akina and they probably still call her ' little miss ' like she's a little girl . and it'd be nice . she'd shut them out whenever they tried to talk about her dad though , but yeah . i haven't decided how and who they could be so it'd be all up to you fr .

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Can you answer me this … I’m not trying to be mean or rude or come at anyone but it just seems that in this fandom(Hotd, Ewan nation , idk so much tgc but I digress) if your not a great fic writer or friends with one you don’t get much interaction . I’ve seen a lot of people saying that they feel they aren’t part of the fandom and that people need to interact with writers more and I agree we should all be motivating each other and pumping each other up but it just seems like a high school with the popular (writers ) are the top and the nerds or regular kids let’s just say are everyone else and those regular kids are all going crazy trying to get the popular ones to notice . It’s just I can’t speak for everyone but for me ever since I was a child I’ve always wanted to feel a sense of belonging and I’ve struggled to have that ( I hate that I’m gonna say this but there’s a reason this is anon) I don’t have that many friends irl and what I do have aren’t into the same things I am so I don’t have people to talk with …I come on here and find the Hotd fandom but it’s the same thing ignored … I’ve tired what people have suggested and yet nothing … I get it’s me for some stuff yes people have real lives and that trumps this absolutely but again I just feel like I did as a child watching everyone make friends and have a group and then me alone with no one . Anyway thanks for letting me rant

no please feel free to use this space, anon or not, to rant. I’m more than happy to make this blog an open forum in this fandom.

tbh, I 100% get you nonnie. in reality, none of my close friends watch the show nor even know of the universe so it’s kind of frustrating that I can’t speak to them about it when I want to. hence why, tumblr is my safe haven or so it should be…

it’s hard to dictate how other people behave, a hard pill to swallow we can’t control what others say or do, even if it’s downright bullying and harassment. and I won’t deny that it does affect how you interact and engage, it affects how you see yourself and your own self worth, which is shit. no random stranger on the internet should make you feel anything less… hence why, stepping away I feel can be beneficial, just for your own sanity. I do believe, particularly in this fandom (considering I’ve been in many) that the cliquey and high school mean girl behaviours are so evident here, and it’s just astonishing since it’s predominantly adults… I’m not saying I’m perfect or flawless, but I at least can say with confidence I try to make this space as welcoming as possible and to be a decent human being, at the very least.

and I hate the advice people give to “just ignore it” or to “write for you”… it’s easier said than done. and feeling like you’re being constantly belittled and neglected is not okay, and no one should ever invalidate your feelings.

please know my inbox/messages are open, if you need to chat x it’s the very least I can do!

and keep your chin up. I don’t speak to alot of people if I’m being honest, but I’ve made just a handful of friends (seriously the number I can count on just one hand) and they mean the world to me. it’s the small things that count.

sending my love to you nonnie ❤️

[lookismaddict]

Hey cat how have you been ? I just read what you wrote earlier today and it broke my heart... I'm so sorry on behalf of the anon. I do know that it might have been a year but it's for your own good you took your time for healing please forgive me because I also have asked you once or twice about the chapter thing and i feel a really big hole in my heart right now.... I always hated cyber bullying but today I kind of became a part of it by unknowingly hurting you and for that I'm so sorry I hope you can forgive me and all of us.. I don't know what else shitty things that anon said but I'm sorry you had to go through this just know that there might be some bad people to judge and hurt you but we are here with you please share with us what you feel cause we are here for you and I hope you can forgive all of us especially me for even hurting you a slightest bit and I wish you nothing but good and happiness in life and again ilysm cat and can you please answer my ask because I wanna know if you forgave me or not 💔❤️‍🩹🙏

Hi rukuk!! I'm sorry if I seem straightforward in the recent Q&A that I did and it's ok, I forgive you and everyone else. 😭💙

Regarding how I feel right now, I don't feel any ill intentions towards anyone or anything like that. I've always wanted to address something like that ever since I kept getting those types of messages the more people keep reading it. And I've always wanted to put everyone's needs first. That was my mentality back then. However, I realized that I don't mind people commenting about the story, but demanding for a chapter made me feel a bit over pressured. Even for me, since I try to balance school and I try to find a free slot to post and talk to you guys again, along with other IRL things that's been going on in my life. It was also a time for me to clear my head again because I also had a writer's block too. I couldn't think straight since I wanted to escape, in a way.

However, I don't feel any negative emotions anymore and I'm ready to get back into writing, reblogging, and most importantly, talking to you guys. 💞 Those negative emotions that I felt were just temporary, so it's all good! No need to worry about it. 👍🏽 I'm really sorry if that made all of you feel taken aback from what I said. Of course, I love all of you guys and the Lookism community on here. Very much! 💝 I try not to be so demanding either, because I want everyone to be comfortable and to express themselves however they want because we all have the right to do so on here. It's a safe community, and we welcome anyone with open arms. 🙌🏽 Feel free to always message me whenever you guys want to. Whether that be to chat, or to ask for advice on something. I'll always wish you guys with nothing but the best, and with secure happiness. Stay safe out there too! ❤️❤️❤️

[reviewinghiccup]

I'm in love with your blog. No one ever goes into this much detail about Riders of Berk or Defenders of Berk and it's long overdue. I'm not too good with words, so I'm really thankful you're able to explain so clearly what makes these shows amazing. Every post is so well written! Can't wait to read more 😊

Hey! Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me.

I revisited this series, following a transition in my personal life, and felt like I needed some space for fun. I love reviewing shows / breaking down characters and when I latched back on to this series, I thought I would be alone in the fandom because, frankly, its a pretty old show.

ROB and DOB isn’t as easily available like RTTE on Netflix. And it was my brother’s subscription to HULU and PEACOCK that got me the chance to rewatch them. So, I thought, who else would wanna read or know about this show given the chance, yannow?

I do pour my heart and soul into writing, editing, framing the show into posts and I do feel a little exposed when I talk candidly. I think the HTTYD series speaks to me on a deeper level than just an adventure movie, and I trust it is the same for many of us. It means the world that many of you have been responding so kindly and encouragingly on this platform. We can never have too much of this type of positivity.

Hiccup is a lost boy in a forgotten age, Toothless is a totem of his courage. He is finding himself, in a world where he shouldn’t succeed (naturally), in a world that only wants to take from him, to take from anyone. A world greedy for power, influence and money. Similar to ours.

But Hiccup isn’t interested in that. Though a born leader, he comes into his purpose from the angle of kindness, and it is that angle that makes him such a great heir / chief to Berk. Berk is in a transition. They don’t need a large, strong Viking chief anymore. They need an innovator, a listener, an inventor. Someone smart. He is exactly what Berk needs for the future, the village is just beginning to know that.

The thing about ROB and DOB is, it is where it all started. It is a show portraying the incremental developments of Hiccup from boy to man. His temperament is still immature. His goals, a little superficial. But his heart, it grows larger and larger, because he is open to making mistakes and correcting them. Forgiving and moving on. Sure, it is about training dragons, but it is also about parenthood, friendships, family, relationships, responsibilities. Growth. To miss out on ROB and DOB is to miss out on a lot.

He becomes a strong leader of Dragon’s Edge because of his compassion. He becomes a man worthy of Astrid, because of the same. And that spoke to me, because for a long time, I wondered what the point was in being considered “the nice one”. For many years, I thought it was always weakness to be nice, because you get bullied for it / made fun of for it. But, I see now, that kindness is strength. And in time it will reap benefits. What kind? Too soon to say.

I get that this is a cartoon, it might just be for kids. But as a girl, in my early 20s, still growing, finding myself as I navigate through the cusps of adulthood, I am beginning to realise why we need nice people. I can see how this show relates to me, even if I am no longer the target audience it was created for. But having watched this as a kid, and then revisit it and finding different messages and take-aways can we consider this show timeless? Apt?

Be kind. There will be a few, those treasured few, who would pierce beyond the veil of our compassion and realise, that there is more to life than just gold, treasures, power and titles. It is all about community. And that is in essence, what Hiccup is, a man born to serve his community, the son of a chief. The impetus of change.

I believe that his father saw it, and that’s what lead him to say, at the end of DOB :

P/S : @hiccstridshipper19 thanks for reaching out. I bet if you ever wanted to write anything, you would do amazingly. Tag me, if you ever do any write-ups. I wasn’t too good w words too when I started other blogs, but w time and practice, I started to find my own rhythm and style. A writing voice takes time. I’m still very much honing my skills. One thing I’m working on is keeping things concise (which, as you can tell, am failing terribly at).

All my love to you. Take care.

[kytiapseud]

What can come from a Villain Fantasy

part 1

Emile enjoyed being a therapist who got to use his favorite cartoons to help others. However, he hadn't gotten much of a chance to really date or get to be intimate with anyone. Like many people though, he has certain fantasies about who he crushes on. Emile discovers his crush, infamous "Villain" Deceit, offers dom services. He finds himself seeking these out. Could anything else come from this?

Pairing: Emile/Janus

Word count: 4210

Warnings:  Dominant/Submissive discussions and play (will probably be the case for many chapters), teasing, light bondage, collar,

Notes: The story pairing will be Janus/Emile/Roman, but this chapter focuses on Emile/Janus

This is my first time writing something like this. I am getting some of the dom/sub stuff in here from different places including other fanfics, Tumblr, discord conversations, and other places of research. I will not be accepting requests for what they do at this time. Gift for Tulip/Vi @tulipanthousa for inspiring me to write something like this. Don't like, don't read.

I am open to others writing smut (minors dni) for this who want to, I would just like a heads-up. You can message me on here.

I have up to chapter 3 posted on my ao3 so far.

Emile had arrived at his therapist office a bit earlier that day. So as he sat he watched a morning talk show, he almost couldn't believe what he saw. They had managed to get “Deceit” on the show. A news-proclaimed “villain” who was honestly just more of a super-powered troll.

Emile didn’t know the full extent of all the abilities Deceit had, he had a feeling most people didn’t. The “villain” was just mysterious like that. From what he had gathered though, many of his abilities were tech related. Which was fitting for internet-troll related crimes.

Deceit seemed to be able to alter anything on the internet or that existed in the realm of any device. He could control almost every aspect related to technology. This included obscuring anyone’s ability to track his internet activities. His ability to go into a computer and travel cyberspace was how he had become well-known in the first place. He liked to mess with people by appearing on their computer screens. Some theorized he could change his appearance as well, based on some videos he posted. Then again, that wasn’t clear if it was just a filter he was messing with.

 He didn’t physically harm anybody, and certainly didn’t come across as evil. He mainly just liked to mess with people. Nothing ever seemed to go too far with him. The way Deceit messed with people seemed to lean more towards pranks than bullying. Nothing too serious was usually messed with.

Then again, Emile was aware that he may be biased, considering he had a crush on the super-powered fellow. But well, the guy had a following for a reason. The fact that he was wanted on this talk show was telling as well. It probably helped that his powers made him difficult to track down. This was a decent defense for the hosts. For when officers inevitably tried to arrest him on the set later.

The “villain” had a bit of an old-fashioned get-up, while still wearing a mask. Not what one would expect for his powers and what he liked to do. Then again, as a troll, he was probably poking fun at being called a villain. He seemed to like to have fun like that.

He definitely put on his charm as he was interviewed though. Emile wouldn’t be surprised if many watchers were swooning at his captivation.

“So, this may be a bit of an unusual thing to bring up to a villain, but my producers insist on sharing this with you,” The host said.

to bring up to a villain. My producers insisted on sharing this with you,” The host said.

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Well, apparently a lot of fans seem to enjoy fantasizing about you-“

“Naturally.”

“But in a very specific, suggestive context. Here, I’ll show you. Although we had to be careful of what fanart we’re allowed to show, since this is a public show.” She waved to the screen behind, to show an edit of Deceit in a very nice dominatrix outfit.

Oh, Emile thought, that was surprising to see and honestly, seeing it made Emile feel a bit warm. He may have to support that fan artist online. That is if Deceit was okay with this kind of thing. Gosh. In a way, it was good to know Emile wasn’t the only one who fantasized about that kind of thing.

Deceit smirked and threw his head back in a distinguished laugh.

“Sorry sorry, I promise I’m not making fun of this fan artist. It’s quite lovely work. I love how good they made me look in that getup. No, the funny part is…I actually am a dom.”

There was quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry?” The host asked. She gaped at Deceit, evidently thrown off by his answer.

Deceit smirked again.

“Why, I actually am a dom for hire. Most people don’t know that. My clientele is typically of the male variety though,” Deceit said with a wink to the camera.

 “I have actually had some clients who have complimented me on how good I am at acting like Deceit. Ironic, no?”

“So…do you deceive your clients?”

Deceit shrugged. “I mean, I’m telling everyone about it right now. I have no shame about it. In fact, here.”

He waved a hand, and a phone number appeared on the screen. Emile could tell by the faces of some workers in the background, that had not been planned.

“Is-is that even legal?” The host asked. She looked almost panicked as she glanced at someone off to the side out of view.

Deceit scoffed. “Yes. It’s not prostitution. So, if there is anyone interested, feel free to call that number and hire me to make your dom dreams come true.”

Emile made a noise that made him glad nobody else was there. He bit his lip and quickly took a pic of the number with his phone. He stared at it for a moment, well he couldn’t exactly call it right then. But he was considering this way more than he expected he would have. Yes, he had definitely fantasized about it, and Deceit was offering a very clear way to make it a reality. But well, it was a bit to process. Fantasizing was one thing, but Emile was sure he would be a gay mess. He sighed, trying to focus on his patients' appointments for the day. He would think about it later.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t as good at acting normal as he thought he was. Most of the day went fine, but apparently, Elliot caught on that Emile was a bit distracted.

“Is everything alright, Dr. Picani?” Elliot asked. “You seem a bit distracted.”

Emile jolted a bit at that. He was a bit embarrassed to be caught by one of his patients. He did want to be there fully for them. He shouldn’t let these kinds of thoughts get to him during the workday; especially when he had patients to help.

“Oh, I’m alright. Don’t you worry about it.”

Elliot gave him a deadpan look in response.

“What was that about honest communication?” They asked with a frown.

Emile laughed a little nervously. “Oh, I’m glad you are taking in some of the things we’ve talked about. But this session isn’t about me. Don’t you worry, I am still here for you. And if you haven’t been happy with the session, we can always reschedule.”

Elliot sighed. “No, the session has been fine. I was just concerned because it’s not like you.”

“Aw, Elliot that’s sweet of you to be concerned about me, but I am okay.”

Elliot didn’t seem convinced.

“It’s nothing big. Just, some silly personal stuff we don’t need to get into. Everyone gets distracted, no? And it doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re sure?”

Emile nodded. “Yep! We don’t need to talk about my stuff. You are the patient here.”

“Okay, and what about after? As friends?”

“It’s sweet that you want to look out for your ol’ therapist here, but you don’t need to. You know the nature of our therapist-patient relationship here. In fact, maybe we should get into your need to care for everyone before yourself. Don’t think I didn’t notice you redirecting there.”

Elliot groaned in response, but they got back to the topic at hand. Emile would have preferred not to be distracted, but at least he was able to redirect. It did get him to think though, that he did need to make a decision on this soon if he didn’t want this to affect his work life.

Emile lingered in his office a bit after his sessions were over for the day. He wouldn’t say he overworked, and in fact, he usually did have good reason to stay after. Paperwork and whatnot. But, he was just comfortable in his office. It was cozy and had all his soft cartoon, plushy friends. Except for the Stitch Dot and Larry still owed him.

He glanced at the tv and recalled the show from this morning. He took a deep breath and pulled up the number on his phone and put it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi, um, I’m calling about your dom services?”

“Yes?”

Emile squeaked and dropped his phone when the resounding voice came from across from him. His phone hovered over the floor, just before it could hit the ground.

Deceit tsked. Because he was suddenly right there in Emile’s office!

The phone floated up and onto Emile’s desk.

“My apologies,” Deceit drawled. “I did not mean to startle you.”

Oh gosh. He looked just as he had on the show this morning.

Emile continued to stare at him with wide eyes. Deceit was smirking, as he practically always was.

Emile cleared his throat. “I uh, did not expect you to just show up.”

Deceit shrugged his shoulders.

"I find clients seeing me in person can help them make a decision faster, about whether they truly want what I provide.”

Emile felt like he should say something about Deceit just showing up at someone’s place. But he couldn’t bring himself to. He was too stuck in his gay panic.

“So…” Deceit began, with a raised eyebrow.

Emile cleared his throat again. Although he was struggling to look at the other, knowing his face had to be pink.

“Right, uh,” He waved to the seats set up for a therapy session.

“Please take a seat.”

Deceit smiled as he did so. He looked around in amusement at all the cartoon memorabilia.

“Lovely little friends.”

Emile laughed a bit at that and went to sit at his desk, but felt that it might be a bit weird so he walked over to the other. Deceit had seated himself where Emile usually did, and oh, that did something to Emile.  He quickly sat on the couch where patients usually sat. It was weird but somehow felt fitting for what they were to discuss.

“Ah, yeah. I am quite a fan of cartoons. I like to use them to help my patients. They can process their situations by using relatable scenarios in cartoons. I’m a therapist.”

Emile wasn’t embarrassed about liking cartoons. But he still felt self-conscious about it around Deceit’s intimidating presence.

Deceit hmmed. “That’s interesting. And quite impressive. I’d love to hear about it some more another time.”

“Oh?”

Deceit nodded. “Of course. If we’re going to be doing this, the least we can do is get to know each other. Which does remind me.”

Deceit straightened his posture and looked down at Emile.

“By calling my number, I want to confirm. You are interested in having some sort of dominant/submissive relationship?”

Emile nodded. “I mean, not like always.”

“Of course,” Deceit said. “I understand this usually means planning out scenes on occasion.”

Deceit’s response caused Emile to let out a breath of relief.

“Have you ever done something like this before?” Deceit asked.

Emile shook his head. “No. I’m still kind of surprised I actually got myself to call.”

“But, it is something you want?”

“Yes. Yes, it is. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Well, it’s embarrassing to admit.”

“I don’t want to push you. In order for a dynamic like this to work, there needs to be trust. But open communication is also key as well. I need to know where your comfort level lies.”

Emile sighed.

“I’m just, well, a bit of a gay disaster?” Emile got out. “And, I’m inexperienced in general, let alone for this kind of thing I’d been fantasizing about.”

Deceit gave a little smile at that. “That’s alright. It’s okay to be a bit of a gay disaster, it doesn’t turn me off in the slightest. I would hope my client likes me to want something like this. Don’t be afraid to let me know if anything is too much though. I understand how even positive feelings can be a bit overwhelming.”

Emile took a shaky breath. “You’re nicer than I expected. Uh, I mean-“

Deceit laughed. “It’s okay. I put up a certain persona for a reason. Is my niceness okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, for sure right now.”

“We can definitely discuss what level of dominating you would prefer I be for our scenes. That’s the other thing. It’s important to discuss ahead of time what our expectations are, and what we each what.”

Emile nodded.

“I uh, well, because it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, I don’t exactly have a list of everything I would want to cover.”

“Would you want to wait to figure that out before we go further?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I know I wouldn’t want anything with pain. At least not right now, but aside from that. I need to gather myself.”

Deceit nodded.

“I understand. Don’t worry, Dear. There is still plenty of fun we can have with that off the table.”

Emile made a muted sound, that Deceit seemed to revel in. Deceit scooted forward.

“Do you mind if I check something before leaving?” Deceit asked.

“Uh, I’m not sure. Depends on what it is.”

Deceit stood from the couch.

“I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. And not too much,” Deceit walked over to Emile and leaned over him.

“I just want to see something.”

Deceit leaned closer. Emile’s breath stuttered. Deceit’s expression was a bit hard to read with the mask and being right there.

“Hm,” He said, and pulled away.

It took Emile a moment to remind himself how to breathe.

“What was that?”

“Checking for physical capability.”

That got Emile to blink.

“Just by coming near me?”

Deceit hmmed. “Testing if I felt a physical reaction to being close to you. I already knew you were cute. Having chemistry or sexual tension makes this more fun.”

“So, it will be like a tease then?”

Deceit thought for a second.

“In most cases, yes. But,”

He looked at Emile,

“If you don’t mind unless it’s too soon to offer, I was thinking a bit of an under-the-table arrangement if you know what I mean.”

Emile tilted his head. “Uh, I’m not sure if I do.”

Deceit sat next to Emile and turned to face him.

“You wouldn’t pay for it, as like I said I’m not a prostitute and wouldn’t want it to be like that. But I think you’re cute, and I’m already attracted to you. So I was wondering if you would want to do other things as well. Like BDSM is usually associated with.”

Emile couldn’t help his squeak this time.

“Uh, well. I’m not…opposed. But, could we work up to that? Like with a regular relationship, oh I don’t want to assume if that’s not-“

“No, it’s okay,” Deceit said. “I am open to it.”

Emile nodded. “But, if we are open to things not for every client, I wouldn’t mind some physical touch,” Emile said.

Deceit smiled. “Of course. In what way?”

“Oh, you know…kissing.”

“Can’t wait,” Deceit said. He definitely glanced at Emile’s lips. Oh gosh, Emile still couldn’t believe this was happening.

“So, feel free to call or text me when you are ready, and we can continue our discussions.”

“Uh, are you just going to show up again?”

“Well, I can check if you seem decent or if the place seems ready for me before doing so. I can usually check that anyways.”

Emile opened his mouth but found he wasn’t sure what to say to that still. So he just nodded.

Deceit disappeared suddenly like how he appeared.

Emile had some things to think about as he headed home.

-

Emile tapped his fingers as he looked at his list. It seemed good. It had taken him a few moments to bring himself to list what he did and did not want from this. Plus, he had to calm down from his first meeting with Deceit. Emile had a feeling there would be more aspects of the dom/sub session to discuss later. He likely hadn’t thought of everything that could come up. When was a good time to meet up again anyways? He thought for a moment before he pulled out his phone to text the other

Emile [Hey, did you have an office? or where do you normally meet with clients for discussions on expectations?]

Deceit [It usually depends on the client’s comfort level. But yes, I do have an official office. Don’t worry. We’re sure to have privacy there 😉 ]

Emile made a muted sound at that again. Gosh, how was he going to go through with this when he was so easily flustered?

He knew that he was already jittery in a fluttery way about this. But he also knew it would likely be better to proceed when he wouldn't get distracted from work.

Emile [How about I meet you at your office for a discussion Friday afternoon? That would work best with my work schedule]

Gosh, Emile hoped he could wait.

Deceit [Of course, dear. If you want, we can keep up with texting in the meantime to get to know each other. Well, as much as I can with a secret identity that is heh. Chatting can help new clients ease into the situation.]

Emile [Yeah, that works.]

Maybe it would be easier if Deceit didn’t see his pink face every time. Ignoring the fact that Deceit could check out a room before teleporting there.

-

The chatting definitely helped. But Emile knew it still wouldn’t prepare him for being around the other again.

He wasn’t sure what to expect from Deceit’s office. There weren’t sex toys or anything explicitly suggestive displayed like that. Which was good for Emile’s heart. But there was other bdsm type of things displayed around the room. Probably as an example of what a client could look to.

Deceit smirked at him from the other side of his desk. He seemed to be wearing his usual

“villain” getup like last time. Including the mask. He had his hands together in a commanding position under his chin.

“Please, take a seat.”

Emile looked around as he made his way over to the chair across from the desk. This still felt so surreal to Emile. He was nervously excited.

“I see you were admiring some of my props and playthings. Feel free to browse through them. Anything on display is an option. And if you have something else in mind, we can look into that.” Deceit put a hand on his chest. “I am a very accommodating dom.”

Emile let out a little nervous laugh at that.

“Sorry if everything being out like this is intimidating, my dear,” Deceit said.

Emile took a breath.

“It’s-it’s alright. I’m just still getting used to the reality of this.”

“Is this still something you want?” Deceit asked.

Emile swallowed and nodded. “Yes. It’s just, very new. Sorry if I’m being weird about this.”

“Not at all. Trust me, I’m aware of how much this can seem even if it’s something you want. It can take time. But I want to assure you I will help you get used to it as best as I can. So you can relax and enjoy yourself more.”

Emile nodded.

“So, where did you want to start?”

Emile pulled the list onto his lap and tapped his fingers.

“May I ask what it is you want first? Like what you had in mind. Sometimes that helps,” Deceit asked.

Emile hmmed. That did make sense. But he had still never said such a thing out loud.

“or, how about I bring up a starter scenario for someone new, and you can help me adjust it to what you want?”

Emile nodded. He didn’t know to what extent Deceit would start with, but that seemed easier.

Deceit nodded. He sat up and then leaned over.

“Well, a basic fantasy is the dom pushing the sub against the wall. But, I get a feeling you’ll want something a bit different in the beginning. So we’ll put a pin in that one.”

Emile looked down, flustered by the suggestion, and started to play with his hair.

“How about logistics and positions then? Would you want to start off standing or on your knees?”

“H-huh!?” Emile exclaimed, blushing.

Deceit smirked a little then smoothed his face out.

“I just mean a starting position, nothing more. Subs tend to like to visibly see the different levels they are at with their dom. So being on your knees can force you to look up at the dom, and for them to feel more powerful.”

Emile whimpered a bit at that and then whined in embarrassment.

Deceit gave him a knowing look.

“Okay, so that sounds like something you like then. Do you want to start off that way, or be told to go to your knees?”

“Uh…I mean both sound good.”

Deceit hmmed. “We can probably figure that out. Maybe the scene can start with you getting on your knees.

“Now, let’s go over that list.”

“So what I’m getting from this, and I could have guessed this, is the power play.”

Deceit stood up and walked around the desk. Emile turned in his chair.

“May I come over to you?” Deceit asked.

 Emile nodded.

Deceit smiled. “I find it’s fun to play a little as we figure out what we both want.”

Deceit put his hands on either side of Emile.

“Looming is good, yes?”

Emile nodded.

“Of course it is. “ He leaned closer. “There had to be a reason the whole villain thing appealed to you. You like a bit of a tease, yes?”

Deceit tapped the underside of Emile’s chin and pulled him to look up at Deceit.

“A demonstration of power with a little touch. Showing desire for you. A bit of a tease. Yeah?”

Emile swallowed, almost unsure how to confirm.

“Yeah,” he said a little breathy.

Deceit smirked and winked at him.

“Lovely. And on top of that, you want a bit of a soft dom that doesn’t take away from the whole villain persona. Maybe, exploiting a bit of a praise kink? Flirting with you even though you know how you get flustered. It’s nice to have that kind of attention, yes?”

Emile whimpered and chanced a small nod.

“Don’t worry, my dear. I enjoy spoiling a cute new sub. And I can tell you’re very good.”

Deceit bent down enough to lean in toward Emile’s face. Emile felt their breath share as Deceit just stayed there for a moment. Then Deceit gave Emile a quick kiss and pulled away. He stood up and walked back over to the other side of his desk.

Emile’s face stayed where he had tried to follow Deceit’s lips.

“Now,” Deceit said, “Let’s discuss some other details that could be fun.”

He gave Emile a moment to get to himself. Hoo boy.

*

So here Emile was now. He was glad it was in his home in some ways. It felt more personal.

Deceit was smirking at him. They had discussed he might sometimes be in a different dom outfit. But for the first time, the only difference at the start was the heels. A nice touch.

Emile was on his knees in front of Deceit. And oh, that was a heady feeling. His wrists were behind his back, but not restrained yet. Emile wore a sort of black leotard. The only thing that was like his usual getup was the pink tie around his neck.

“Oh look at you,” Deceit said. “Kneeling there all nice and ready to listen to your dom. Aren’t you a good boy?”

Emile inhaled sharply at that, knowing he was already blushing.

Deceit tsked. He let his heels click loudly as he stepped closer. Deceit grabbed Emile’s face and tilted it up.

“Oh, come on now. Don’t hide your noises from me. I know you’re good. So show me you like what you hear.”

Emile’s breath stuttered. Then he nodded.

“What’s that? I want to hear it. Come on.”

“Y-yes. I like to be good,” And Emile made a noise at that.

Deceit gave him a knowing look.

“Yes, that’s what I thought. And good boys have a great time ahead of them.”

He reached forward and untied the pink tie.

“I have a better place for this.”

He walked around Emile, heels clicking again.

Emile felt his wrists get tied behind his back. Oh. This was a strange feeling.

“Try to move your wrists,” Deceit muttered.

Emile moved his wrists and wasn’t able to separate them.

“Not too tight?” He asked.

Emile shook his head.

“Good.”

He came back to Emile’s front.

“Color?”

Emile thought.

“Green,” He said.

Deceit nodded. Then he got out a yellow collar.

“I preferred to see you in my colors,” Deceit said. He reached around Emile and fastened the collar.

“Feel alright?” Deceit asked.

Emile nodded a little.

“Now one thing I like to do with these,” Deceit started. He started to move his finger just barely under the collar and tugged Emile forward,

“Is-“

A sudden noise startled them both. Deceit immediately moved his finger and stepped in front of Emile in the direction it came from. To see what it was.

Well…so much for this being private.

[kxkarot]

I am selective of those I will interact with, if I don’t follow you back please do not take it personally, I may follow you down the road or I just am unsure how to interact. I’m used to only interacting with a few select people I trust so I’m working on opening up more. I have a tendency to write a lot, given the fact I let my mind run a bit. However I do check with my partners to make sure that my writing is okay for them and within their comfort, so that’s usually why I throw a message out asking if ‘was it okay’ or such as.

I don’t mind anyone correcting me on lore points that I get wrong and maybe Goku might be shipped, I’m not sure. it’s a possibility but not something I’m leaning into. He will be a slow burn or a plotted ship at best, I don’t feel comfortable immediately throwing him loving someone due to my own personal experiences and just how his character feels. That and also he has Chi-Chi.

I also have a bit of ADHD and can be prone to drop threads suddenly due to lack of interest or being unable to pick up an idea or find something to go off of. I will not tolerate bullying nor do I want to be dragged into any drama that doesn’t concern me, I come here to relax, not to worry myself. That being said I’m still here to talk to if needed. Triggers will be placed in the TW in General tag as things can get pretty dark.

This blog is going to be rated Mature because dark themes, TW or even more could take place. I’m not gonna shy away from blood and neither is Goku, if he has to do so to protect his friends, given that the franchise has it’s tendency to be downright dark to the core. However this is going to be mostly nice things around this place, isnt gonna be all doom and gloom. However please remember that this is an anime about fighting, it will get brutal.

Now let's dive to the Canon divergence.

Goku didn't exactly change until he had Gohan. While he wanted to train him he also understood that Chi-Chi wanted their son to be successful in a world he would never truly understand. He also began trying to understand more of a world that he never truly participated in but also defended fiercely. He wanted to grow in strength for that was his goal, his very blood called for battle and he could never truly abandon it. Gohan was a bridge, Saiyan and Human. Yet his power was tremendous at a young age and he wanted to teach him how to harness it. Namek only made that more, especially when he came back with the heart disease. Cell was an incredibly strong opponent and his son had power that could overshadow it. However, he made a promise and he swore to keep it. He would fight until his last breathe but the sight of his father about to die threw Gohan into the fight, doing his best to fight alongside him. Even still, Goku ended up sacrificing himself. He wanted to go home but thought it better to stay away. If he did maybe nobody would keep trying to attack earth?

Buu changed that outlook. He changed everything and ignited a fury set deep in his bones. Goku was overjoyed to be given life so he could rush down and save his family. It was too late. While Goku himself is prideful, he does bonk heads with Vegetta more or less about that pride. It has many times caused issues and he won't let him live that down. Not that he hasn't acknowledged his own mistakes. Goku tries to be active in his sons lives but does argue with Chi-Chi about how he will do the farm. He just also needs to keep training, he needs to keep getting stronger so he can protect them all.

Super is a mess all around so I will try my best here. Beerus comes and Goku argues big time with Chi-Chi about getting stronger, they all could have died had Beerus really decided to. He's not sure what changed the destroyers mind but now there are gods out there who will hurt his family if he doesn't find a way to climb the ranks. Yes he does take off to train with Whis, apologized to chi-chi later on. He continues rigorous training and starts opening his mind to being less careless. Goku Black introduces more intensity to his way of thinking but a brighter burning drive to protect his loved ones. Frieza nearly killing Gohan? Goku will never forgive Frieza and their fights are always aim to kill at that point. He disgusts him.

He never hires Hit to kill him. He starts the tournament of power hoping it'll save his universe, all that stuff. God's super is just a maze.

-

GT was awesome with it's ideas and transformation. Too bad that's not Canon. But I do have it where Goku found it and is slowly abandoning the super transformations in favor of SSJ4. It's design is just too cool to pass up along with all the abilities.