#mes monologues

[eriochromatic]

You dip out, and the whole world flips over...

[kendyroy]

“They gave me runway in this film. There’s one monologue in there. I can’t tell you the details of it. I say more words in that monologue than I said in an entire movie once as Wolverine. But there are sides of the character that I’ve been scratching at for 24 years […] There is stuff in this movie where I was like, ‘This is the thing I’ve been trying to get out’ and I feel so excited about it.”

— Hugh Jackman talking about Logan in Deadpool & Wolverine (x)

[puppppppppy]

Bridge to turnabout doodles

[lotus-pear]

2/2

[realfactsnlogic]

0900 (une episode)

on me dit, « don’t care what people think, be yourself » c’est une expression importante mais il y a beaucoup de nuances. par example : dès fois, j’ai des épisodes où je m’agit comme une sorte de monstre.

Avertissement (content warning): discussions des conditions mentales et troubles dans les relations platoniques, mentionne casuelle de la s—cide et une référence chrétienne au fin de la poste

Une instance? Le départ de 2023.

je disais au monde que je suis un villain, sans considération que c’est une façon de se victimizer. je comprends maintenant comment cette croyance peut convaincre les autres de penser que je cherche les « sympathies » ou « l’attention »

je comprends maintenant, pourquoi ils pensent comme ça. mais ces mots…ont des connotations négatives. personne ne veulent être vu comme ca, je pense ! il ne faut pas juger quelqu’un qui souffre et s’agit dans une façon indésirable.

je pense que mes affaires 2018 et 2023 en ligne sont la raison pourquoi j’ai une diagnostique qui dit « borderline ». je ne sais pas si cette condition mentale est officielle. j’ai découvert cette information il y a quelques jours. ma groupe médicale n’ont pas me dit si c’est vrai. mais j’ai des amis qui ont suggéré que j’ai cette condition vraiment stigmatisée. j’ai nié. tellement fort.

mais. en regardant ces instances dans ma vie, je comprends maintenant. je comprends pourquoi des personnes pensent que j’ai des symptômes d’EUPD (ou, la condition « BPD »)

et je comprends que cette condition est tellement stigmatisée. si je partage cette info au monde (vous voyez mon hypocrisie?), qu’est-ce qu’on va dire ? et les personnes que j’ai blessé dans la passé? qu’est-ce qu’ils vont penser?

je sais que mes conditions ne sont pas des excuses. je sais je peux me changer, et ces personnes ne doivent pas être ici pour le voir. je dois respecter leurs décisions. et il y a des personnes qui ne veulent pas accepter un « désolé ». quelquefois le meilleur façon de le dire est la silence. l’action est plus importante que les mots. quelques personnes préfèrent des actions qui *montrent* qu’on est désolé. même si je pense que l’affaire n’est pas complète, il y a quelques personnes qui ne veulent pas que j’existe me voir, m’entendre/m’écouter, me parler…je dois vivre. parce qu’en mettre la fin de mes jours, je leur donne une sorte de satisfaction, vrai ou non.

mon cerveau veut être réaliste. rationnel, et c’est tout. c’est difficile d’accepter des émotions, des sentiments—quand on été surélevé avec une mentalité qui dit: « control your emotions. your facts don’t care about your feelings. suppress, repress. conceal, don’t feel. » une sorte de stoïcisme, mais toxique, je pense. (et maintenant je me souviens de mon phase nihiliste dans l’école secondaire…eugh! *le shudder*)

mais je n’aime pas ces émotions difficiles. je sais que les émotions « mal » et « bon » n’existent pas. la vrai problème est comment j’expresse ces émotions. ils sont…effrayantes. une sorte qui dit: « Beware the Nice Ones »

on peut dire c’est une sorte de déception si je me cache comme ça. mais je le fait parce que je SAIS qu’il vient un moment (potentiellement?) inévitable où je vais blesser quelqu’un. je suis humain, j’ai un *corps* humain, mais parfois je ne le souvient pas. je me vois genre un homme battu qui marche dans la rue. sans connaître que je suis humain comme les autres. je me souviens la première temps que j’ai entendu : « we are all human and we make mistakes » et moi, qui a des expectations irréalistes, connais qu’une petite voix répond : « what if I don’t want to be human, then? »

vous voyez cette fallacy? « If X means Y, then I don’t want to be X »

en pire, il y a des personnes qui n’acceptent pas les échecs. au point qu’ils vont vous abandonner s’ils ne peuvent pas encore tolérer les échecs.

alors, mon mentalité de mal santé veulent penser qu’on préfère de ne faire pas des échecs du tout.

vous voyez comment cette croyance est problématique?

c’est une bonne chose que je ne pleure pas en écrivant cette poste. mais la tristesse…elle arrive encore. je ne l’aime pas. je la déteste.

Non, en fait, je me déteste. parce que une partie de mon cerveau n’aime pas avoir ces sentiments du tout. elle juge le moment que les pensées et émotions arrivent, elle dit que je dois m’occuper, que même si je me sens (X), il y a des autres affaires qui sont plus importantes. mes émotions difficiles sont seulement des « distractions ».

Mais, au contraire, il y a des personnes qui ne me déteste, même si je m’occupe de mes problèmes personnelles.

alors, je serai optimiste. il faut que je serai comme ça. pas seulement pour eux. mais pour moi. pour nous. pour la système en fait.

moi? je souhaite. non, nous souhaitons aussi. on va souhaiter. ensemble.

Un joyeux traumaversary, FNL. On va vivre, et tout ira bien.

Et on le crois comme on croît dans le seigneur.

[fragilepromise]

there's something so freeing about saying "i hope they die" and just moving on

[mari-lair]

Flower for you!

After enough loops, the party can explore the town before Siffrin wakes up

[gondorsfinest]

a concept: the ds9 crew doing a hear me out cake when quark pulls out a picture of gul dukat. absolute mayhem. chairs are flying

[beautyandraged]

[hellsitegenetics]

If I say pretty please can we get the genetic code of AM’s hate speech from I have no mouth and I must scream

String identified: AT. T T C ' C T AT C GA T . T A . T CCT A T A TAT C. T AT A GA AC AAGT T T T A -T T AT A AT T C-TAT. . AT. AT.

Closest match: Pseudochaenichthys georgianus genome assembly, chromosome: 1 Common name: South Georgia Icefish

[nidbaesenpai]

More ISAT doodles, i'm currently doing a play through with friends right now and finished act 2 a bit ago. I'm not sure what counts as spoilers since the game is still relatively new and gaining popularity so i'll tag for each act.

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh

[erufin-art]

I really enjoy the idea of Godpoke just straight up not buying Inspekta's shit

[hardrockshrimp]

Top Bruce moment for me tbh

[lightseoul]

a/n. pleasantly surprised at how quickly i wrote this bit, it practically wrote itself. glad the first part was interesting for a lot of you—i love writing about psych/therapy stuff (despite my complex relationship with 'em), and ofc bkg <3 i honestly don't know where i'm going with this, but it's been fun so far. (0.8k)

navigation. part 1, (you are here), part 3

thankfully—and to the relief of whatever dignity he had left—that interaction was short-lived.

well, it’s mostly because after you blinked at him for what felt like a torturous eternity and said a shaky hello back, he gave you a curt nod as if he wasn’t the one who just initiated the exchange and bolted it out of there without a single glance back.

that bit haunted him for the next few days, reappearing in his consciousness whenever the topic of therapy or anything remotely close to it was broached. he even snapped at kirishima when the redhead asked how his latest session went during one of their evening patrols together. it was a kneejerk reaction, an entirely out-of-proportion, aggressive response that shocked even him, which says a lot.

he should go ahead and text the guy an apology.

eventually, though, that unfortunate powwow slowly faded into the background of his exceptionally busy mind as the days went on. things got so hectic in the agency that he had to postpone his appointment for the week, which—quite frankly—is an upside to this chaos, because he sure wasn’t pumped about discussing his love life, or the lack thereof, with the jarringly knowing middle-aged lady. being able to definitively avoid you and buy you more time to forget about his stupid social blunder is merely the cherry on top.

okay, maybe the incident didn’t actually slip his mind after all.

“…bakugou-san? are you still with me?”

dazed, bakugou squeezes his eyes shut before fluttering them open, and what greets him is the very same lady against the backdrop of her increasingly familiar office, only this time she’s looking more concerned than perceptive.

right. he’s supposed to be in the middle of a session right now.

“yeah, sorry,” he mumbles, shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of irrelevant thoughts and focus on the matters at hand. therapy is expensive, after all. “i’m here.”

that doesn’t seem to placate the woman who instead prods, much to his chagrin. “you seem out of it today. is there something in your mind that you want us to talk about?”

for a second, he debates caving and just telling her the dumb shit that happened two weeks ago, but then backtracks when it dawns on him how ridiculous everything is. what is he, a prepubescent boy? he died and survived a major war, for fuck’s sake. why is he so hung up on seeming awkward for once in his life?

even hearing it in his head is embarrassing enough.

that settles it, then. his lips are and will remain sealed.

but then his gaze refocuses on his therapist, and the sheer ‘unconditional positive regard’ or whatever the crap is called that she’s radiating becomes so palpable that it just spills out of him.

“i fucked up.”

that makes the lady frown—which, if he thinks about it, is understandable, because he rarely opens up about his failures, let alone this blatantly—although she manages to quickly school her expression into a more neutral one. “can i ask you to expound on it?”

at that, bakugou sighs, because it’s either he just tells the laughable truth or actually cite one of his actual mistakes—which he’s not feeling right now, by the way. or he can expertly maneuver the conversation to another topic, but something tells him there���s no getting out of the current subject. maybe today, there is, but it’ll surely loom over their next sessions indefinitely until either of them revisits it.

he should know. it’s happened to him too many times, he’s lost count.

with this realization, he can only sigh again.

“it’s stupid,” he preempts.

“i’d like to hear it regardless,” comes her classic, supportive response.

and so he does it. talk, that is. it starts off a bit rough—he didn’t know how to even begin without flushing like an idiot, but he managed to get the brief anecdote going. he still ended up blushing anyway—the warmth in his cheeks was undeniable—and if she noticed, she gratefully didn’t point it out. by the time he’s finished with the trivial tale, he’s mildly out of breath, having said everything in one continuous burst.

“i told you,” he spits when she doesn’t say anything for a beat. “it’s stupid.”

“i’d normally ask you to reconsider the adjectives you use for yourself and your experiences, but i think you’ve heard enough of that.”

he snorts. damn straight.

the woman then shoots him a smile, and he has to tamp down the reflex to bristle at an impending attempt to placate him. fortunately, it doesn’t come.

what does, instead, is a question.

one that catches him completely off guard.

“did you find her attractive?”

the fuck, is his first, immediate thought.

but then his normally trusty and acute brain seemingly comes to life and promptly supplies a second one that leaves him frozen and utterly dumbfounded.

yes.

˖⁺‧₊ as always, reblogs, replies, and tags are appreciated <3 feel free to drop an ask, too—i'd love to chat with you. have a nice day!

tagging. @bunnysaursushii @yawnzzzzzzzz @cholios @kashee-h @iluv-ace @lotuslovers @elarakive @sugurusmoon @napbatata @k0z3me @h0ngh0ngh0ng @honeyoru @yoongiwithglasses @hellokitty-doll @lilsebnem @tetsuukuroo @crangrapel0ver @syrhra | @kalulakunundrum @cheezemanz @gold24fish @lunaryasha

[aousboom]

Do you think people like me can find eternal love?

LOVE IN THE BIG CITY (2024)