#mentions of demora

[obsessedtalks]

Meio que esse papo nos leva pro que muita gente tem dificuldade em aceitar: os rpgistas de hoje em dia tão muito nutella. Tudo pra eles é trabalhoso demais, exigência demais, dedicação demais, falta de empatia demais com a rotina ooc. Sei que muitos trabalham OU estudam, alguns estudam E trabalham. Ainda tem os que fazem tudo isso e já têm família e casa pra cuidar. Vou fazer uma pergunta que sei que vão achar super egoísta, mas assim... se você não tem tempo pra aparecer pelo menos dia-sim-dia-não pra escrever alguma coisinha na feed do seu personagem, será que vale a pena ter o rpg como hobby? Sei lá, esse é especificamente um hobby pra gente escrever, mesmo com demoras. Não tô falando de turnos, tô falando de publicar algo na tl mesmo, de pelo menos escrever um tweet sobre seu personagem e o evento da cmm. Tem gente que aparece praticamente uma vez na semana e fica ali, contribuindo muito pouco com movimento... Sei lá. Vão me chamar de egoísta, já prevejo, mas eu realmente penso que se todo mundo for jogar os personagens pra segundo plano, sempre vamos estar nesse ciclo de 5 players carregarem uma cmm de 50 players nas costas. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Eu acho que não é falta de empatia, até porque, esses casos citados, ao meu ver, não é a maioria.

Infelizmente, o mais comum, é gente deixar o personagem de lado e ficar no tg, no rpi, na conta em outra comunidade... Esses são os principais motivos da galera 'sumir' de uma comunidade. E isso que estou falando é que eu vejo sempre.

Mas eu concordo e acho que 5 dias são muitos dias pra ficar sem aparecer. Concordo com você. A galera se apega ao twitter e bluesky pela praticidade, mas o que adianta se continuam sem aparecer? É prático, mas vai cair a mão se pegar o celular por 5 minutos e dizer algo ou responder uma mention.

E já vi comunidades que colocaram menos tempo de inatividade ter que se justificar ou alterar por causa de asks tipo 'e a galera do clt, mods'?

Ai a galera do clt vai entrar só final de semana? Povo respondendo dm e não tendo coragem de aparecer na tl? Já vi gente que quase caía no ac toda semana que acordava 12h, 13h da tarde todo dia! É essa a galera clt que a gente devia ter empatia?

Eu acho isso muito chato e muita colher de chá. Você limita pessoas com menos tempo ao diminuir os dias de inatividade? Sim, provavelmente (e infelizmente), mas vai cortar muita asa desse povo folgado.

[tiny-chrys]

Inktober Day 4: DODGE

[ENGLISH]

I'm sorry for the delay. These days were very busy for me, not to mention the tiredness and the huge headache I had. Seriously, I was completely unable to do anything. I'll post the rest right after this.

[PORTUGUÊS]

Eu lamento pela demora. Esses dias foram bem corridos pra mim, sem falar do cansaço e da enchaqueca enorme que tive. Sério, eu tava completamente sem condições de fazer qualquer coisa. Vou postar o resto logo depois desse.

[ao3feed-spirk]

Seven of Hearts

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/44300386

by this_is_your_lullaby

It was just a game, wasn’t it? Then why did it hurt so much? Right… it was a game of hearts. A game of trust… and betrayal.

Words: 2951, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), 今際の国のアリス | Imawa no Kuni no Alice | Alice in Borderland (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Major Character Death

Categories: Multi

Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock (Star Trek), Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Nyota Uhura, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, Demora Sulu (mentioned), Ben Sulu (mentioned), Keenser (Mentioned)

Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Pavel Chekov/Hikaru Sulu (one-sided), Hikaru Sulu/Ben Sulu (mentioned), Nyota Uhura/Spock (past), James T. Kirk & Crew of the Starship Enterprise

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Imawa no Kuni no Alice | Alice in Borderland Fusion, Imawa no Kuni no Alice | Alice in Borderland Spoilers, Seven of Hearts Game: Hide and Seek (Imawa no Kuni no Alice), Major Character Injury, Drama, Angst, Deadly Games, Hurt No Comfort

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/44300386

[circus-blades]

Oi Jeep! I just want to say to you that i'm so happy for you own growth and that you are back with your projects! I wanted to say this in a way that sounded as least strange as possible, but...

I've been following you for many years LOL

I remember the first designs of your ocs and even the old fandons that you were part of. Sometimes, we interacted on Twitter too, i always thought you were the coolest and most gender person ever. I always wanted to tell you that you've always been an artistic inspiration to me, I didn't know anything about ocs and submedia until I met you, and then I just fell headlong into a little world that now I use as escapism, and I owe that to your work. I remember when you mentioned your crisis and that you were worried about whether it was okay to just make fanarts of your current hyperfixation (I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, but it was almost like that i think?), and I told you that it was ok, and that there would always be people who would support you regardless of what you chose to do with your art! I was a little sad because I knew I would no longer see you talking passionately about your projects and your dreams, but even though I understood absolutely NOTHING about identivy I continued to follow you because you were one of my favorite artists and biggest inspiration! So seeing you coming back made me really happy, man. Hope you're doing well, I'm excited to see the redesigns and their stories :)

Espero que isso não tenha soado muito parassocial KKKKKK meu medo é esse, eu sou esquisitinho pra conseguir me expressar e o inglês não ajuda muito, mas eu só queria te dizer que cara, amo suas artes, amo seus trabalhos, tu sempre vai ter meu apoio como fã então tmj sempre! Desculpa qualquer coisa.

Eu comecei a te acompanhar quando eu ainda era criança, então acho que ver uns rostos familiares na sua arte é como ver um velho amigo

AAAAH EU SINTO MUITO A DEMORA PRA VER ISSO, MAS CARA... emocionei demais, muito obrigado pelo apoio por todos esses anos, especialmente em meus personagens 🥺realmente eu tinha dado uma desanimada monstro em trabalhar nos meus ocs, especialmente porque comecei a receber muitas comparações, daí misturando com hiperfix acabei virando fanartista de vez kjdfsf

Mas saber que teve pelo menos alguém que sentiu falta deles me deixa quebrado, nunca imaginei que eles teriam alguma impacto de forma alguma, mas fico feliz e agradecido DEMAIS em saber que alguém esteve ali prestando atenção e acompanhando as histórias deles... Com sorte agora vou voltar com tudo, talvez alguns ocs ainda permaneçam na gaveta, mas vou deixar de lado a vergonha e frustração por comparações pra ir ser feliz Obrigado mesmo pela mensagem, isso motiva muito e faz o meu dia

😭 Desejo tudo de bom para você!

[captainsbabysitter-blog]

On a Whim

Hey, so! I finally finished my BenKaru fic I’ve been working on for the last couple weeks. I’ve developed a ridiculous love of these two idiots, and I have a couple headcanon posts in the works for later.

Not even close to beta’d, sooo... Mistakes are all mine.

Summary: Hikaru goes to Yorktown for a week before starting at Starfleet Academy. He’s never been and wants to see what all the fuss is about, not expecting to fall in love with both the station and a certain botanist that lives there.

Rating: Uh... I’d say it’s pretty safe, but I’ll say teen? I’m awful at giving ratings unless it’s explicit.

Length: 2065 words

Tag List: @mccoymostly @thevalesofanduin @emmkolenn @thinkwritexpress-official (see my post tagged as ‘tag list’ and add yourself if you’d like to be kept in the loop!)

Honestly, Sulu wasn’t sure what to expect when he finally docked in Yorktown. Curiosity had driven him to explore the giant man-made station, and just the look of it from the outside had been impressive. He looked around a bit and was suddenly aware of how extremely unprepared he was for the whole trip.

He hadn’t prepared anything beyond a week’s worth of clothing and enough credits loaded on his chip to figure things out as he went. Starfleet Academy was waiting for him after his stay, and after that who knew?

The first thing to catch his eye was a tour of the botany labs. Plants had always fascinated him, and seeing as the labs in Yorktown made the entire project possible, he wanted to see how it worked. He wandered into the tour group being led by one of the scientists.

Hikaru paused when he finally got a good look at the man in the lab coat. Definitely attractive, a little older than him, maybe, but he’d always had a thing for older men. If asked later, he wouldn’t be able to relay a single bit of information about the labs, its plants, or the system the dispersed oxygen throughout the station. What he could tell you was that the scientist- Ben Jung (Hikaru asked)- had a steady, bright gaze and his lips quirked up into a little half smile any time he was asked a particularly interesting question. He could tell you that the passion in his voice as he explained why each species of plan was chosen for the project was unmatched by any teacher he had experienced until that point. He could tell you he was smitten before the tour finished.

With so little to lose, Sulu decided to hang back and after everyone else left. He slid up next to Ben with what he hoped was one of his nicer smiles.

“Hey, so… I wanted to know if you wanted to grab a drink with me when you’re off work?” Direct was best. No point in waffling.

Ben gave a surprised blink, but took a moment to run his eyes over Hikaru’s trim form. It seemed like an eternity as Sulu waited for his response, but really it was only a few seconds. “Alright. There’s a place down the street called The Great Lost Bear. Meet me there at 7?”

“It’s a date,” Sulu grinned. He had a few hours to find a hotel and get ready. The clock couldn’t tick by fast enough.

~*~*~

Sulu was already waiting at the bar when Ben walked through the door closer to 7:30. The lab coat had been shed, and left the deep purple button up and black slacks to hug his form just enough to be enticing. The tie from earlier was missing now as well. Hikaru noticed in an instant that Ben had chosen to undo the first couple buttons and roll up the sleeves, leaving peeks of collarbone and the length of his forearms visible. Sulu waved him over with a smile.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d actually show up,” he admitted.

Ben slid onto a school and ordered himself a scotch over ice. “One of our interns learned the hard way she’s allergic to hipecat excretions.”

“That’s in… Pretty much everything, isn’t it? How’d she get this far without finding that out?”

“No idea. When I was in school, it was one of the first experiments we did.” Ben made a bit of a face, his nose scrunched a little as he thought that through for a moment. “Then again, it’s been a while since I was in my first year of school.”

“Can’t have been that long ago. It’s not like you’re ancient or anything.” That little twitch of Ben’s lips might as well be a 100-watt smile to Hikaru. He felt a minute flutter in his chest at the sight.

“And how old do you think I am?”

“I don’t know… Thirty, tops?”

“Thirty-two. Not far off.” Ben took a sip of his drink as he took a moment to appraise Hikaru before he added, “And you look like you can’t be older than twenty-five.”

“Twenty-four.” He shrugged off the difference.

“What made you approach me?”

“I went on the tour because I thought you were hot. I stuck around because I liked listening to you talk about the plants even if I couldn’t tell you a single thing you discussed since I was too distracted watching you talk. I’m here for a week, have nothing to lose, and figured why not ask you out for a drink and see where it goes.”

That warranted a raised brow. “So this is a fling for you.”

“Doesn’t have to be. I’m here for a week because I start academy life on Monday. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be willing to try the distance thing.”

That seemed to relax the atmosphere a bit and the two spent the rest of the night drinking and getting to know each other. By the time Hikaru’s walking Ben home, he’s almost certain that he’s smitten. He leaned in to give Ben a quick, chaste kiss goodnight and was surprised he was hauled inside for something a bit more searing. His hotel room remained empty the rest of the week, and he checked out after the second night.

Their days were spent in the botany labs; Ben working and Hikaru acting as his assistant. The whole process of the plants simultaneously producing food and oxygen, acting as water filtration via the hydroponics tanks, and a slew of other things all in a single facility headed by Ben and a few other scientists was mind-blowing. If it weren’t for the fact that his true love lay in tactics and piloting, Hikaru would be tempted to switch to the sciences.

Their nights were spent with more physical pursuits. Despite somewhat frequent jokes about Ben being an old man, they were extremely compatible in the bedroom. All in all, Sulu had to admit it was the best vacation he’s ever had.

Before he knew it, the week was through, and it was time for Ben to see him off at the shuttle port. They stood facing each other in silence for a few moments before Ben took the initiative and gave him one more kiss.

“I left my com number in your PADD,” Ben murmured. “Let me know when you land.”

~*~*~

What started as a casual fling during vacation turned into something more serious. Daily messages complaining about classes and professors or giving updates on new plant species and the progress of Ben’s experiments were consistent, and they tried to squeeze in at least one video call a week.

After nearly three months of this, Hikaru watched as Ben sorted through his notes from the day during their weekly video call and decided to toss in, “You know we should get married.”

Ben’s head jerked back to the screen, a loud bang telling Hikaru the man likely cracked his knee on the desk. Several soft curses were followed by him turning an exasperated look Sulu’s way. “What?”

“Get married. We should do that.”

“Hikaru…”

“Think about it. I’ve wormed my way in, and I sure as hell love you. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Because we’ve spent a single week physically together and three months of com messages and calls are hardly a strong basis for a marriage. You’re being ridiculous.” He pinched the bridge of his nose against an oncoming headache.

“Well I’m going back to Yorktown to see you in a few weeks, right? I’m just going to ask you again.” He watched as Ben leaned over and typed something into the screen of his personal PADD. “What are you doing? Adding something to that pro/con list I’m not supposed to know about?”

“Mmhmm…”

“Wanna tell me which column that was in?”

“I don’t think I do, no,” his voice took on an amused tone. “So which day and at what time are you arriving?”

“Let me check,” Hikaru hummed softly to himself as he searched through his emails for the shuttle information. “I should be landing in Yorktown on the 21st at around 0900. Are you meeting me, or should I let myself into your place and sit there looking pretty until you get home?”

“I’m taking the day off,” he replied absently as he typed the date into his own calendar. “I need to cut tonight’s call short. I can call you in the morning if you’re not too busy?”

“I’m ahead of my work, and I don’t have class until sometime in the afternoon so yeah. Just call me when you’re free.” A concerned frown tugged at the corners of his lips. “Anything wrong?”

“No, I just have a few other calls I need to make. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

He somehow doubted it was so simple, but instead of asking more questions he just nodded, “Aright. Love you.”

“You, too.” That little twitch of a smile eased Sulu’s nerves a little.

~*~*~

In retrospect, Hikaru should have pushed the point. When Ben called back the next morning, he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink and the first words out of Sulu’s mouth were something along the lines of, “Well you look like shit.”

The grimace he received as a response was all he needed to backpedal a little. “What’s going on? Something happen at the lab last night?”

“No, nothing at the lab,” there’s a pause as Ben works through his response. He looked completely exhausted. “I’ve told you about Derek?”

Well this can’t be good. “Your ex, yeah. What about him?”

“We were getting ready to be parents when we broke things off. When we split, we agreed he would take the baby when she was born and last night I got a call from the surrogate. He backed out earlier this week.”

“So… What does that mean for you?”

“It means I’ve decided I’m taking her instead.” He looked nervous despite the certainty in his voice. “I… Wanted to tell you that she’ll likely be born before you get here. In case you wanted to change your plans, that is.”

Sulu’s face scrunched a little in confusion. He leaned forward to rest his chin in his hand and inspected his boyfriend for a few moments. “Why would I change my plans?”

“You signed up for a boyfriend, not a newborn.”

“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I asked you to marry me yesterday.”

Ben’s eyes rolled, but he looked a lot more relaxed. “Because you’re a reckless idiot who does things on a whim.”

“Haven’t regretted a decision yet,” he countered before turning back to the subject at hand. “So a baby girl, huh? What’re you naming her? What about baby stuff? I don’t know a lot about babies, but I know they need a crib and strollers and all that stuff.”

“Hence why I look like shit. I was up most of last night emptying my spare room, and I need to find time to get it ready because she’s due in two weeks but who knows when she’ll actually arrive. Could be tomorrow with my luck.”

They discussed the ins and outs of what would and wouldn’t happen during the next visit for the next few hours. They also ran through how much a part of Demora’s (Ben knew right away he wanted to name her for his mother) life Hikaru would be in the beginning; the relationship was still new, and Ben wanted to be cautious, but Hikaru just shrugged it off. He could play parent or fun uncle or whatever Ben needed.

Sulu finally had to hang up to head to class, and walked through the campus with more than his fair share of reservations. He’d never been around babies in any real capacity before and he didn’t want to screw everything up. True to his nature, he finally shrugged it off and made a few last minute (definitely on a whim) alterations to his plans before settling into his seat for battle tactics.

Less than a week later, Ben answered the door when it buzzed to find Hikaru standing on his doorstep a few weeks ahead of schedule. The cadet offered him a grin and wiggled a large box at him, “I brought you baby stuff. Let’s get that room ready.”

[fluffomatic]

So Anna and Tanner, do you guys only tickle to interrogate or do you tickle outside of that as well?

Tanner: Oh of course we tickle for fun too! Gave you seen some of are friends?? They're all lees ha!

Anna: Hehehe yes I know you've all met my little brother Dylan! He's the most ticklish guy in all the realms! Plus Dip needs a taste of his own medicine~

Tanner: Not to mention Demora. Dude has such a huge ego! But he never tells anyone how weak he is to feathers!

Anna: Oh! And Hikora and Delilah! Those two are fun to mess with! They're both my body guards so it's fun to tickle them when they're on break!

Tanner: Two and Erric are also fun to torture! They're both so tense all the time! So seeing them melt when we wreck them? It's perfect

Anna: I also get in tickle fights with my parents. I know Dylan is adopted but I SWEAR he gets his ticklishness from my mom! She's almost just as ticklish!

Tanner: they're all a lot of fun to tickle!

[ask-king-bowser]

THIS IS A TUMBLR HUG!! (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤Send this to 10 of your fav. followers, and don't break the chain! <3 Hope you have a lovely day! (>3<) >❤️🍓🌼✨

@manlet-max

@seabunnythatlikeshorror

@the-main-idiot

@hazardsofspikesandnevadians

@ask-hex-and-whitty

@gori--demora--skellydemora

@i-am-scarybacon

@mothgiver2007

@a-frog-on-neptune

@thylawhiskers

I would add everyone if i could, all of my followers are my favorites! Sorry for the mention-

[theblueharlequin]

Chapters: 19/19 Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Dredd (2012), Almost Human, Doom (2005) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy Characters: Spock (Star Trek), Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Nyota Uhura, Philip Boyce, Pavel Chekov, Hikaru Sulu, Christine Chapel, Carol Marcus, Joanna McCoy, Demora Sulu, Assorted OCs Additional Tags: Author is a madwoman, post STID, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death, don't ask: just read it Summary:

He was John Grimm.

No, he was John Kennex.

Then he became Joseph Dredd.

Now, in the wake of the wars and the Eugenics craze; in the wake of losing Sarge, Sam, Dorian, Valerie, Rudy, Sandra, Cassandra, and more Chief Judges than he had the heart to remember, he was Leonard Horatio McCoy.

[ikari-sims]

holaa como estas? me estaba preguntando si podrías hacer una version de tu rosie sheer top sin las rosas?

Holi, perdon por la demora. Aca te lo dejo:

Basic Sheer Top + Scallop Bra Accessory (an alternative version of Rosie Sheer Top) requested by Anon

I added a new accessory bra with scallops to make it prettier! You can have both version at the same time.

Remember to tag “ikarisims” or @ mention me if you use it so I can see your wonderful pics and share them!

Enjoy  (ノ・◡・)ノ♥

24 swatches (6 different colors, 2 different sleeves lengths, with and without turtleneck).

The accessory bra can be found under the gloves section.

Custom thumbnail.

Base game compatible.

Recolors/retextures are always welcome.

SFS | Mediafire

NOTE: In case sfs is giving you a “not found” message, just delete the www. in front of the link and you’ll be able to download the file.

[lunanight2012]

So if you guys wanna see Demora Kaminari, older sister to Denki Kaminari, hero name Electric Whip. Check out my UA au, it is about my main bnha oc, Luna Yabun. Story is on AO3 and it's called The Cat, The Bird, and The Eldest Todoroki.

But they do fight in the chapter I'm currently working on. And i might even include her in my main short stories, The Cat, The Bird, and The Burnt Man. That one I have a short story where dabi and hawks get fused together, got the idea from an amazing tiktok, so i might have her mentioned in it :3

Wanna know more about Luna Yabun? Check my pinned post ;)

Im still sick, so I'll probably be home all day tomorrow too, might have to get a covid test (second time id ever have one)

But pretty sure my boss wont let me return without a doctors note and my doctor probably will make me get one

Have a good night!

[kiwibomb]

te deu alergia? vc está melhor msm? não precisava ter se desculpado pela demora, responda no seu tempo e quando quiser tbm. porém, confesso que fiquei olhando as mentions ontem e senti sdd de ver "vc" lá 👉👈. espero que o seu final de semana esteja sendo bom tbm, merece isso dps de ter dado duro durante a semana lá no seu trabalho. e hm, as últimas locks + home do joongie ficaram lindas ): boa noite, kiwi 💜

deu sim, mas já melhorei. quase 100% até, eu diria. e você? tem estado bem nesses últimos dias? tá bem, mas saiba que se alguma vez eu não responder em breve, é só frescura minha, tá bom?! jahsjsjsj não é você que foi incomodo ou algo assim, é que eu sou mais lerdinha mesmo, as vezes. kkk foi bom sim, mas passou muuuuuito rápido esse fim de semana, que ódio. 🙄 jshjahsj você gosta dele, né?! é seu fave do ateez? que eu lembro que disse que disse que pediu umas locks dele pra mim uma vez, e dai veio o apelido kiwi. 💕 jabsjsjs boa noite também, meu bem! espero que tenha uma boa semana e que passe tão rápido quanto o meu fim de semana. jasjjsjsj

[trekkele]

Sulu had been sitting on the floor for the last half hour, and gave no indication that he would be getting up soon. Jim might have been more worried about that if he hadn’t been watching Sulu coo at Bark Whatney for most of that time, and battling a faint sense of jealousy besides.

Moslty because Bones wouldn’t let him get out of bed to play with the puppy, so all he could do was watch her charm his crew into baby-talking piles of mush.

“Who’s the bestest girl, huh? Who’s the greatest little StarFleet fur ball in the galaxy?” Sulu rubbed Bark’s tummy, dangling a bit of IV piping over her nose.

“Yes you are! You are!”

Jim wasn’t sure if he wanted to giggle uncontrollably or take a holo and post it to the group chat. He settled on doing both, knowing Uhura especially would appreciate watching her choice in puppy be pampered.

“Ben said he’ll pick me up.” Sulu didn’t even look away from the squirmy pup, making kissy noises at Bark’s oversized paws.

Jim perked up, because knowing Ben, he would bring some sort of get-well-soon food and anything that wasn’t hospital food was interesting at this point.

“He’s bring Demora too, in case you need some undivided attention.” Sulu smirked, knowing his daughter adored her Uncle Jim and that the feeling was mutual. Jim would move heavan and earth for his niece. (And considering it was Jim, that was less of a metaphor then it should be.)

“I bet Demora will love Bark.” It was an offhanded comment, meant as comfortable small talk between friends, but the truth was much, much worse. ‘Lethally cute’ worse.

Bark and Demora spent five minutes staring at each other, and the rest of the visit rolling around and chasing each other, clumsy crawling around the room.

“I think we need a puppy,” Sulu breathed, heart eyes so large Jim wondered if he could even see.

“I’ll let you borrow mine sometimes.” Jim whispered back, winking at Ben’s greatful smirk. One could only handle so much cute at a time, after all. Not to mention how destructive cute could be.

@anxiously-going i loved this prompt thanks so much!!!

[ao3feed-spirk]

by Thunderdogz

GoldenGlazedHam: hate to break it to ya bones but

GoldenGlazedHam: god has left the chat

Russia'sGreatestLoveMachine: THATS SUCH AN OLD REFERENCE IM CACKLING

Words: 772, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Star Trek: The Original Series

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, M/M

Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock (Star Trek), Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Nyota Uhura, Christine Chapel, Janice Rand, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Pavel Chekov, Hikaru Sulu, Mentions of Ben Sulu and Demora Sulu

Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Christine Chapel/Nyota Uhura, The enterprise fambily

Additional Tags: the enterprise crew is a FAMBILY, chekov said bastard rights, Group Chat Fic, Crack, let me have fun!!, I am living on shitposts, Memes, etc etc etc, no discernable plot because group chats, don't have plots, Trans James T. Kirk, James T Kirk cannot swear to save his life, and I will take that to my grave, thank you very much, some discussion on sexy things but don't worry it's not explicit, bones is enjoying Jim's pain wkdhdjdb

[navisseli]

La couleur du mensonge

La couleur du mensonge tome 1

Auteurice : Erin Beaty

Maison d’édition : Lumen

Date de publication : 2018

Nombre de pages : 806

Genre : Fantasy, Jeunesse

Ce qu’en pense Seli : 

Je vais changer un peu la forme de cette chronique, car autant le dire très franchement, je vais surtout m’attarder sur LE gros point noire de ce roman : son héroïne, Sage.

Donc non, je n’ai pas aimé, pas aimé du tout. Soyons clairs, j’ai carrément détesté ! Je hais ce roman car il y avait bien longtemps que je n’avais pas lu de livre sur lequel je n’ai ABSOLUMENT rien à dire de positif, même en y mettant un peu de mauvaise fois. On devrait inclure ce livre dans le kit des pratiquants de BDSM à ce stade... même si je pense que Christian Grey lui-même hurlerait son mot de sécurité au bout d’une page (ok là j’exagère mais c’était à peu près mon ressenti en le terminant...). Ah et ça va pas mal spoiler, car j’ai besoin de révéler des éléments clés de l’intrigue pour cracher mon fiel !

Pour commencer, je vais m’attarder sur l’élément qui m’a fait monter la moutarde au nez au bout... 50 pages. Oui, j’ai réussi à tenir après, je me demande encore. Le fait est que l’on nous introduit l’univers des marieuses : des femmes dont le travail est de coupler deux prétendants pour réaliser les mariages les plus adéquats possibles. Au-delà d’une question de bonheur conjugal, c’est aussi une question politique, car quand les grands du monde se marient, il en va de l’équilibre du royaume. Pour vous donner une idée, si un mariage n’est pas déterminé par une marieuse, il est très mal vu, voir considéré comme nul. C’est ce qui est arrivé aux parents de Sage, mais nous y reviendrons... C’est en gros la façon dont on nous présente cette institution au début du roman, au moment où Sage devient l’apprentie de Maîtresse Rodelle, la marieuse la plus influente du royaume. Arrivée à ce point j’étais pressée d’en savoir plus. Y avait-il une union importante sur le feu ? Une de celle qui font et défont des alliances ? Comment les marieuses font-elles pour associer les futurs couples ? Se font-elles forcer la main par les puissants ? Sont-elles si puissantes dans le royaume vu leur profession ? Y a t-il des marieuses déchues qui ont fait une énorme bourde ? Sage va-t-elle participer au couplage de l’héritier du trône ? Autant dire que mes attentes venaient de plafonner et que j’étais aux anges : je n’avais jamais lu un livre qui abordait les mécanismes des unions nobles de façon si frontale.

Je n’en ai pas eu pour mon argent car figurez vous que le roman ne va pas parler de ça, mais alors pas du tout. Dès que Sage est devenue apprentie, on tourne la page et on se retrouve six mois plus tard. Le roman prend très vite un virage en épingle et s’oriente... romance et espionnage de bas étage. Oh mon Dieu quelle surprise ! Et dire que j’avais envie d’y croire... Tout ce qu’on saura, c’est que Sage va prendre des notes sur les prétendantes et les ressources de l’armée et assister aux préparatifs des unions à la fins du roman sans qu’elles ne soient détaillées, parce que pensez-vous, il ne faudrait surtout pas développer le concept même du livre... 

Passons à l’aspect espionnage qui est donc au centre de l’intrigue. J’ai quand même noté des efforts pour créer un monde géopolitique crédible, où le méchant est à peu près compétent et à des ambitions plausibles (bon ne rêvez pas, on est loin du Trône de Fer, disons que en comparaison du reste du roman c’est à peu près correct, ça n’en reste pas moins médiocre). Il y a quand même pas mal d’incohérences du type : “Ah tiens, ça fait des années que grâce à ses unions ce type rassemble une véritable petite armée grâce aux dots... Ah tiens c’est une province frontalière... Ah tiens ce type est louche et on ne lui fait pas confiance... Ah tiens une troupe armée étrangère se balade tranquillou sur ses terres”, des infos dont les marieuses disposent depuis un bon moment, car elles savent tout (ne cherchez pas), et pourtant personne n’a pu additionner deux et deux et se rendre compte que ce type allait trahir ? Si, mais alors que le piège se referme. D’ailleurs, dans quel état censé vous faites convoyer tous les meilleurs partis du royaume ensemble (dont peut-être la future reine), gardés par une petite troupe commandée par le fils d’un général à peine sorti de l’adolescence ? Oh bah tiens le méchant seigneur va tenter de les prendre en otage contre rançon et presque y arriver, c’était pas du tout prévisible. Tant qu’à faire, pourquoi se faire chier à mobiliser une troupe d’élites ? Ces jeunes filles ne sont que l’avenir de la nation après tout... 

Au-delà de ça, à part une carte, il n’y a pas vraiment de désir de créer un monde imaginaire convainquant. A part quelques noms de pays qui font exotiques, on se retrouve quand même avec des personnages principaux appelés Sage, Alex, Ash, etc... C’est une tendance qui a tendance à m’agaçer dans la fantasy YA ces derniers temps : l’anglicisation à outrance qui casse l’immersion. Il faut dire qu’en plus, on est pas aidés par le fait que les descriptions respectent le minimum syndical et qu’on ne peut pas compter sur eux pour nous dépayser. Le pays de Demora est décrit par de vagues noms de provinces, la mention de village et de forteresses. C’est tout. Pour comparer encore, c’est comme si Winterfell avait été décrite de la façon suivante “une importante forteresse bien protégée”, sans rien du tout pour étoffer. C’est d’une pauvreté affligeante. 

Les personnages secondaires ? Le osef le plus total, car si vous avez peur d’être perdu.e.s, on ne pouvait rêver terrain plus familier. Un love interest secret et ténébreux, une mentor maligne et perspicace, une meilleure amie douce et un peu bêbête, un petit garçon mignon pour te faire pleurer à la fin, des “rivales” aussi bécasses que superficielles (à chaque fois qu’il en est fait mention, on nous explique qu’elles sont précieuses, cruelles et ne se soucient que de leur apparence). Et aucun d’eux n’est réellement intéressant et ne fonctionne que par son stéréotype. A noter que peut de ces personnages sont capables d’aligner autant d’ingéniosité qu’une classe entière de CP (et encore dites vous qu’en France les effectifs ne font que grimper c’était l’instant dénonciation). Parce que bien sûr, une demoiselle bien née qui ne rêve de rien de plus que de faire un prestigieux mariage va risquer de démolir ses chances en insultant de manière à peine voilée l’assistante de la marieuse, qui a assez d’influence pour ruiner sa vie. Et l’héroïne, qui dispose de tous les indices sous le nez, va tout d’un coup oublier sa prodigieuse perspicacité (on va y revenir) et ne rien comprendre à ce qui se trame... Oui, encore des incohérences.

Mais venons en au gros morceau qui m’a finalement donné envie d’écrire cette chronique. Car au départ, j’avais renoncé tant j’étais énervée par ma lecture. 

Sage Fowler OU Qu’est-ce qu’une fausse héroïne forte ?

Autant être réglo avec vous, à aucun moment l’autrice ne revendique pas le statut féministe de son héroïne. Et tant mieux, ça m’a évité de saigner du nez. 

J’ai lu un peu partout que Sage était appréciée car c’était une femme déterminée qui ne se laissait pas marcher sur les pieds. C’est vrai. Elle est cultivée, intelligente, a le soucis des autres car elle connait la discrimination, et refuse de se soumettre aux diktats que la société dans laquelle elle vit inflige aux femmes. Tout cela est vrai. Et quand on regarde vite fait, oui ça fait assez héroïne forte et donc féministe. Mais l’autrice a négligé un détail important.

Une héroïne forte et indépendante doit être bien écrite pour être féministe et proposer un propos crédible. Sage n’est pas bien écrite. Car elle est parfaite, et même pire, elle est idéalisée. 

Pour commencer, elle est hautaine, a une haute opinion d’elle-même et juge très rapidement les gens qu’elle croise. Ce qu’elle démontre lors de son entretien avec la marieuse et qui décidé cette dernière à l’embaucher comme apprentie (si si je vous jure, réfléchissez y cinq minutes). L’intention de l’autrice était sans doute d’en faire une femme consciente des injonctions et prête à tout pour s’en affranchir, mais ce faisant, elle piétine les autres. Quand son oncle qui l’a recueillie alors qu’elle était orpheline alors qui rien ne l’y obligeait et qui en a fait la préceptrice de ses propres enfants dans une maison où sa tante la traite comme l’une de ses filles, revient tout content en lui disant qu’il lui a pris rendez-vous avec la meilleure marieuse du pays, que c’est inespéré étant donné son statut de bâtarde et qu’il espère qu’elle trouvera un bon époux... elle l’agonit d’insultes, parce qu’elle pense valoir mieux que ça et qu’il ne l’a pas consultée avant. De notre point de vue, c’est logique, on est typiquement dans le cas d’un homme qui dicte sa conduite à une femme. Mais c’est incohérent dans cet univers, sachant que c’est à peu près la seule façon pour Sage de s’en sortir et qu’il s’agit bien pour elle d’une opportunité unique de peser dans la balance de son propre avenir. Une vraie femme forte et intelligente comme elle devrait l’être aurait du sauter sur l’occasion d’intriguer pour choisir son époux et s’assurer une certaine liberté, et au moins ne pas hurler à la face de celui qui a sans doute fait des pieds et des mains pour lui donner un bel avenir... Plus tard, quand elle croise Ash, elle l’humilie “involontairement” en lui faisant remarquer qu’il n’a aucune éducation. Mais quelle femme délicieuse vraiment, et altruiste avec ça. Sa manie aussi de toujours sécher le repas commun avec les prétendantes pour aller lire dans la bibliothèque, en plus de faire suspect (pour une espionne c’est quand même un comble), est assez insupportable, car on a réellement un parallèle entre d’un côté les pouffes médisantes qui discutent toilettes, et la jeune fille plus mûre qui lit seule dans son coin parce que voilà, elle n’a pas envie de se farcir leur présence alors que c’est son boulot. Non mais Sage, elle est tellement intense et profonde, tu peux pas test ! Donc non, une héroïne qui pique une crise et ne fait que ce qui lui plait au détriment des autres juste parce qu’elle refuse de faire comme elleux, ce n’est pas être forte, c’est être imbue de soi-même. 

Profitons de l’exemple de la bibliothèque pour passer au problème suivant : l’érudition de Sage. Alors oui, une héroïne cultivée, en théorie c’est génial, on peut passer à côté du trope de l’écervelée qui se fait éduquer par un mec. Dans les fait, Sage n’a pas reçu une si bonne éducation et sauf si son fauconnier de père qui allait en permanence de village en village avait un frère jumeau secret, elle n’a pas pu recevoir une éducation suffisante pour devenir préceptrice pour les nobles. Elle lit, écrit, connait les sciences, l’histoire, les mathématiques, la littérature, et beaucoup d’autres choses. Même si ça n’a aucun sens, c’est ainsi que l’autrice la présente. La raison est très simple, il fallait que Sage soit éduqué de façon “classique” mais qu’elle ait eu aussi une éducation de fille de la campagne, du genre qui sait monter aux arbres et courir dans la forêt. Bref, il faut qu’elle puisse tout faire. De la même façon, son talent d’observation est inné et elle est “naturellement douée” pour tout un tas de choses. Elle a même une sixième sens qui lui que là, ce soir précisément, quelqu’un s’est introduit dans sa chambre et ooooooh la chandelle est chaude. Bon des personnes ultra qualifiées ça existe, même si c’est rare et n’est pas Hermione Granger qui veut. Mais Sage a dix-sept ans à peine. Si elle apprend tout si vite, à trente ans elle sera sans doute capable de se substituer à un dieu vous ne croyez pas ? Non, être une héroïne forte n’implique pas d’avoir un savoir sans failles en sacrifiant la cohérence, au contraire, c’est une héroïne qui en est conscient et qui fait ce qu’elle peut avec ses défauts pour avancer.

J’ai mentionné son père, donc venons en au problème suivant. Sage est une bâtarde, issue d’une union non approuvée par une marieuse. Autrement dit, elle a grandit dans une société qui l’opprime et elle a conscience des inégalités et des difficultés qui vont se dresser devant elle. Bref, les discriminations, c’est son rayon. Mais bon ses parents s’aimaient, et elle était aimée, donc ça lui a sans doute donné assez de forces pour affronter tout cela. Sauf qu’avant d’être confrontée au mépris des autres prétendantes qui connaissent son passé, elle ne semble pas en avoir des masses souffert. Elle était aimée par ses parents qui lui ont donné une bonne éducation, son oncle l’a récupérée à leur mort alors qu’elle aurait pu détruire sa réputation et l’engage sans se poser de questions pour enseigner à ses propres enfants. Et en plus de tout ça, elle a l’opportunité de faire un bon mariage grâce à LA marieuse de Demora qui est d’accord pour la rencontrer. Ah mais sinon, les gens disent des trucs pas gentils... C’est quoi cette discrimination toute pourrie ?! Pourquoi tout est si facile ? Alors oui, elle a de la chance et ça arrive dans la vraie vie. Mais ça fait déjà pas mal de coïncidences et de fées qui se sont penchées sur le berceau de cette fille. Mais surtout, ça sert à donner au personnage un passé difficile afin de susciter l’empathie avec le lecteur et de justifier ses idées d’indépendance. Mais si vraiment passé difficile et discriminatoire il avait du y avoir, autant y mettre les formes non ? Une héroïne forte ne se serre pas que de son passé comme un cheval de bataille idéologique, elle en souffre aussi et ça a laissé des traces profondes sur sa vie qui la font galérer à avancer.

Et venons en au pire, parce que non ce n’est pas fini : la béatification dont font l’objet ses héroïnes quand les autres personnages parlent d’elle. Vous vous souvenez de quand elle crie sur son oncle comme l’ingrate qu’elle est ? Il lui pardonne et on apprend même que ce n’est pas la première fois (bon il s’énerve un peu mais il ne la fout pas dehors). Quand elle faisait son érudite dans la bibliothèque pour ne pas passer de temps avec les prétendantes alors que c’est la mission que lui a confié Maîtresse Rodelle ? Cette dernière dit qu’elle fait un travail remarquable et ma théorie c’est qu’elle les espionne sous la douche car c’est le seul moment qui n’est pas mentionné où elle n’est pas avec elles. Oui, Sage est idéalisée. En permanence. Et par tout le monde (sauf les méchant.e.s bien sûr). Elle se fait griller en posant des questions pas subtiles à des soldats ? Le général demande ses services d’espionne à Maîtresse Rodelle. Elle prend trois notes et prend de haut les autres prétendantes ? On loue son sens de l’observation. Elle joue les anticonformistes et voyage avec un soldat sur l’avant du carrosse au péril de sa vie, ce qui doit pas mal les faire chier au passage ? Mmmh c’est une fille intéressante et pas comme les autres. Elle parvient à percer à jour un complot que personne d’autre n’avait vu venir alors que tout le monde avait les éléments sous le nez depuis le début (à la place du roi je ferai un peu d’épuration dans mon armée et mes services d’espionnage, parce qu’il doit se taper une sacré équipé de bras cassé pour être sauvé par une gamine de dix-sept ans) ? Oh mon Dieu elle est géniale je vais lui donner un poste à la cour ! Elle a été élevée sur les routes par un fauconnier et a servit de préceptrice à deux mômes de la petite noblesse ? Mais faisons en la préceptrice officielle des princesses du royaume ! Je fais un aparté là-dessus car ça m’a tout simplement achevée. Sans exagérer, voilà comment se passe l’entretien entre Sage et le roi :

- Vous avez dix-sept ans et êtes fille de fauconnier. Je suppose que vous connaissez la météorologie, les courants aériens, la dénivellation des pentes, la composition géologique des sols, ainsi que la faune et la flore ? 

- Oui, à peu près... 

Rejouons la même scène dans un contexte familier :

- Vous êtes une élève de première dont le père est agriculteur. Je suppose que vous connaissez tout des écosystèmes des plaines, de l’acidité et de la composition géologique des sols, de la fluctuation des nappes phréatiques, de la reproduction des abeilles, de la pollinisation, et que vous savez faire des hybridations entre deux espèce de maïs.

Sérieux, y a que moi que ça gène ? Ai-je besoin de préciser qu’à l’issue de cet entretien, elle et engagée par le roi ?

C’est ça une héroïne forte ? Une fille qui sait tout faire, connait tout, qui méprise ceux qui ne sont pas comme elle et ne partagent pas ses valeurs, qui piétine et humilie celleux qu’elle juge inférieurs et qui par dessus tout, attire tous les compliments et toutes les récompenses ? Non, on appelle ça une Mary-Sue et cette version de la Mary-Sue est une des plus vicieuses. Car Sage a des défauts, des gros défauts mêmes, mais qui présentés comme des qualités.

Parce que tous ces attributs ne font pas beaucoup mieux que nos héroïnes potiches que tout le monde critique à raison. Ici, il est question de mépriser les expression de la féminité qui sont trop “féminines”, de faire ce que l’on veut sans se soucier des conséquences pour les autres, de les juger sous prétexte qu’on est sûr d’avoir les bonnes valeurs, de ne jamais se remettre en question. De plus, cette perfection inatteignable n’est pas un très bon modèle, car elle remplace la perfection physique par la perfection cérébrale : tout savoir sur tout, être naturellement douée en tous. C’est ça qu’on veut donner en exemple aux filles qui pourraient s’identifier à Sage ? A trop vouloir faire des héroïnes parfaites, on imagine prendre le contre pied de milliers d’oeuvres qui ont mal représenté les femmes en oubliant que la perfection n’est pas une bonne représentation. C’est encore une image tronquée des féminités qui les définit dans de nouveaux carcans. N’y aurait-il pas un juste milieu entre Sage l’héroïne parfaite et une James Bond girl potiche ? Je sais pas moi... Une fille qui a des qualités et des défauts, qui se remet en question quand elle se confronte aux autres, tout étant étant badass et respectée. Qui échoue parfois, est victime d’injustices cruelles qui lui donnent envie de se battre pour un monde meilleur. Ce qu’on a besoin de voir, ce n’est pas la fausse perfection, c’est une une héroïne normale, qui devient exceptionnelle parce qu’elle fait des choses exceptionnelles, pas parce qu’elle est née avec tous les dons et les bonnes idées. 

J’ai eu un peu l’impression de me perdre en faisant cette chronique, mais j’avais surtout envie de livrer ce que j’avais sur le coeur. Donc oui, ma note est basse, très basse. Et celleux qui ont adoré ne comprendront peut-être pas pourquoi je suis si sévère. C’est mon ressenti c’est tout, et si il y en a qui ont bien aimé, je veux bien savoir en quoi. Après tout je suis peut-être passée à côté de certaines choses, ou alors j’ai parfois un peu grossis le trait. C’est juste que ma déception est aussi immense que la couverture du roman est jolie. Ce roman m’a frustrée et mise en colère comme rarement aucun autre c’est tout.

Ma note : 3/20

[anilyan]

Original #17

Link to the portuguese post: [www]

In the school I frequented between [2012-2015], almost everyone knew me by my drawings and the librarian asked me if I could illustrate a poem. I accepted. I will post the poem here, but not translate it - I only say that it's a poem of a man dedicated to his mother about knowing how he "betrayed" her by growing and changing, and he mentions how he isn't anymore the boy in the photo where he was holding white roses. Thus the elements of my drawing. Here it is:

“ No mais fundo de ti, eu sei que traí, mãe Tudo porque já não sou o retrato adormecido no fundo dos teus olhos. Tudo porque tu ignoras que há leitos onde o frio não se demora e noites rumorosas de águas matinais. Por isso, às vezes, as palavras que te digo são duras, mãe, e o nosso amor é infeliz. Tudo porque perdi as rosas brancas que apertava junto ao coração no retrato da moldura. Se soubesses como ainda amo as rosas, talvez não enchesses as horas de pesadelos. Mas tu esqueceste muita coisa; esqueceste que as minhas pernas cresceram, que todo o meu corpo cresceu, e até o meu coração ficou enorme, mãe! Olha — queres ouvir-me? — às vezes ainda sou o menino que adormeceu nos teus olhos; ainda aperto contra o coração rosas tão brancas como as que tens na moldura; ainda oiço a tua voz: Era uma vez uma princesa no meio de um laranjal... Mas — tu sabes — a noite é enorme, e todo o meu corpo cresceu. Eu saí da moldura, dei às aves os meus olhos a beber, Não me esqueci de nada, mãe. Guardo a tua voz dentro de mim. E deixo-te as rosas. Boa noite. Eu vou com as aves.” - Eugénio de Andrade, in "Os Amantes Sem Dinheiro" 

[winterverses]

Walking Wounded - Chapter Eighty-Four

They still hadn’t talked. Anne had tried not to think about it, but it had been bothering her ever since Jim had mentioned it after her surgery. There was a distance there, something that she hadn’t noticed before, as if part of him was standing back and watching them with a critical eye. She didn’t really want to talk about it. She just wanted it to go away.

On the outside, things had gone back to normal. Jim was still participating in the trials, leaving every morning, coming back in the late afternoon, going to the gym, spending his evenings entertaining himself, whether that was with friends or with her alone. She was using her days to help Ben and Hikaru. The process of adopting Lilla was starting to move ahead; Ben and Hikaru had finally argued Ethics to a standstill, saying that Lilla’s history would have to be disclosed to any potential adoptive parents and that they wouldn’t be able to guarantee that it didn’t impact her treatment, or her personal safety if any of her father’s associates hadn’t been caught. Ben and Hikaru could guarantee no prejudice against Lilla, and an understanding of the tactics Loche’s men had used.

Anne was particularly proud of Ben for that argument; he had seen that angle before either Hikaru or Anne had, and hammered on it mercilessly. By this point, there were even visits. Anne made herself scarce for these. She didn’t want to intrude. Also, she didn’t think she’d ever really be comfortable with kids… although Demora had started to grow on her a bit after Anne had caught her trying to copy a ballet holo. She’d taught Demora some basic steps. Ben and Hikaru had found it immensely funny, but encouraged it all the same.

Jim had taken to picking her up from their place as he came home, and it was drawing near to that time when Ben started to seem uneasy. They were doing the prep for Ben and Hikaru’s dinner-- a habit Anne had gotten into, even though she wasn’t staying. She liked to be busy. Today, he had decided he was going to make a lasagna so they could have leftovers for a while, and Anne was mixing ricotta and egg when Ben finally said what was on his mind.

“Hikaru and I decided a son wouldn’t be a bad idea,” Ben said, glancing nervously at Anne. “It’s a bit of an embarrassment of riches-- I wasn’t even sure we’d be able to have Demora, let alone one or maybe even two more. Adoption really isn’t that common anymore. But either way, whether we get Lilla or not, Demora would like a brother and we’d love to have a son. We always wanted a big family.”

Anne had frozen, listening to him. Even if she’d offered, it was still a bit of a shock to think she might know this kid, maybe for years. She had the feeling that Ben wasn’t one of the friends that would slip away; he was too gentle and had too much empathy. That was too rare to lose. When he had finished talking, she’d looked up from the ricotta and given him a half smile. “You’re good parents. Kid deserves that after the shit start he got in life.” She started to stir again, her smile spreading a little. “Congratulations, you’re gonna be a dad. Again.”

Hikaru walked into the room just in time to hear that. “You told her, huh?” he asked, and Ben nodded. “It’s a bit late in the game, but still, are you sure you’re okay with it?”

“Yeah,” Anne said, shrugging. “It’s not like I was going to raise him. And anyway, I suppose I should keep an eye on him. It’ll be easier this way.” A sudden thought made her laugh, the first time she could recall laughing about the final round with Loche. It wasn’t unadulterated humor… but it wasn’t bitter, and that was enough. “I can’t think of anything more suitable, really. A marshmallow dad like you.”

Hikaru pretended disgust. “I am not a marshmallow.”

“When’s the last time you made Demora do anything she didn’t want?” Anne teased.

“She’s right,” Ben said. “You let her get away with everything.”

Scoffing, Hikaru sat down at the kitchen table, watching them work. “Okay, fine, but it’s not because I’m a marshmallow. I’m the fun dad. It’s my job to let her get away with things.”

Ben rolled his eyes and continued to paint a layer of sauce onto the noodles he’d laid down. “When you get back for a vacation, it’s my turn to be the fun dad,” he said. “Better practice up.”

“It’s all right. I’ve got the authoritative voice down. If I can-- well, that was classified, but it backed off someone who could have killed us. Demora can’t be that bad.”

“Oh yes she can,” Ben started.

The door chimed. “Come in,” Sulu called. They didn’t even bother to meet Jim at the door anymore.

“Hey, whoa,” Jim said over Demora’s squeals. “I was just here yesterday, why the big fuss?” It was the same every day-- Demora flipped her lid the moment he walked in the door. Anne couldn’t help but be amused by it. She’d teased him over it, saying that it proved he was too charming for any woman to resist.

Demora was babbling something, and Jim said, “No, not today. I can’t stick around too long. I’ll give you ten minutes, and after that I have to go.”

“Fine,” Demora said. Immediately afterward there were shrieks of delight. Anne looked over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of Jim throwing Demora up into the air and then crashlanding her onto the couch.

Hikaru and Ben just looked at each other, and then Hikaru stood. “I’ll go keep an eye on things,” he said, grinning.

Anne just tried to stifle her amusement.

By the time the ten minutes were up, the lasagna was assembled and in the oven, and Anne was washing her hands at the sink. Jim came into the kitchen, holding Demora at his side, then set her down. “Your dad’s done there. Looks like it’s time to wash up for dinner.”

“You’d better say goodbye,” Ben said before Demora got too far.

The kid turned back and looked at Jim, putting her hands on her hips. “Next time we’re playing football,” she said.

“Demora, manners,” cautioned Ben.

“We’ll see,” Jim said, amused. “Be good, okay?”

“We’ll see,” Demora mimicked. “Goodbye.” She turned to Anne, without being prompted this time, and frowned at her. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Demora,” Anne said, trying not to laugh. She walked over to Jim, ready to leave. She hadn’t brought anything there besides a loaf of bread they’d used for sandwiches at lunch.

“Okay, go wash up. I’m going to check, so you better do it right,” Ben said, shooing Demora from the room. Hikaru watched him fondly, pretending to smirk when Ben looked back at him. Ben just rolled his eyes again.

“We’ll see you guys later, okay? We’ve got to get going.” Jim rested an arm on her shoulders.

“Yeah, no problem. Sounds like you’re staying longer tomorrow anyway,” Hikaru said.

“Actually, I can’t come tomorrow,” Jim said, glancing down at Anne and then back to Hikaru. “I had to change the skeleton crew shifts, and it’s my turn for the next couple days.” Anne felt herself stiffen and tried to hide it.

“That’s life,” Hikaru said, shrugging.

“So we’ll see you at the party, then?” Ben asked.

“Yeah. Dinner at 1900 hours. Don’t forget,” Jim joked. They couldn’t possibly forget it; it had been mentioned nearly every day.

“Already got the babysitter,” Hikaru said. “See you later, Anne.”

Ben smiled. “You let me know if you need kitchen help, okay?”

Anne smiled briefly. “I will. Have a good night, guys.”

They left the apartment with little fuss, and Anne climbed up behind Jim on the motorcycle, riding sidesaddle the way she preferred, her shoulder leaning against his back and her arm braced on the back of the seat. She loved riding them-- it was sort of like riding a horse, with the wind all around, but the feel of mechanical power instead of animal muscle. It made her a little glad of the feeling of Jim’s back against her shoulder. Something this powerful felt like it should be warm and alive.

They usually took a bit of a detour before they got home if he had taken the bike-- they both liked to just ride around. This time, there was no detour. Jim headed straight home. Anne wondered if it had anything to do with the talk they hadn’t had yet. It was making her nervous.

Once the bike was safely in its stall and they were in the apartment, Jim said, “I can’t stay here tonight or tomorrow. Because of the change to the skeleton crews, I’m spending the night on the ship.”

“Oh,” Anne said, crestfallen and trying to hide it. Pulling herself into neutrality, she said, “I can’t come. I have the party to get ready for.” Nyota was coming early in the morning to help her with the shopping and whatever preparation could be done that far ahead. She had said she knew nothing about cooking, but an extra pair of hands was always useful. Especially if Jim wasn’t going to be there to help.

“Yeah, I… I figured you’d have to stay,” Jim said. “Running back and forth like that would be too much, especially now. You’re still not quite healed.” He took a step toward her, reaching out to touch her arm. “If you’re worried about being alone--”

Anne laughed, and tried to let herself melt into his touch the way she usually did. It wasn’t quite working. “I’ll be fine. This place is very well-protected, and I’ll be with someone whenever I leave.”

Whether it was visible or not, she knew Jim could feel her tension. “Look, I know this isn’t what you wanted. I’m not too happy about it myself, but it was either this or skip my turn entirely to finish up with the women’s trials.”

So that was why. Those trials had been scheduled for a couple of days before the Enterprise was supposed to go back out. It would have been silly to ask him why he hadn’t just skipped. He would never leave the ship hanging like that. Not even if it meant leaving her hanging instead.

She’d known that. Why hadn’t she believed it, or believed it would matter? He’d willingly give up his life for her, but when it came to the ship… Anne made herself relax. “When should I expect you back?” she asked evenly.

“The day after tomorrow. First thing. I should be back here by 0730.” He could see that she wasn’t happy, but he didn’t seem to know how to address it, or if it should be addressed at all. Truthfully, Anne had no idea either. “I could call--”

“Better not,” Anne said swiftly, then smiled, trying to take the sting out of it. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll be busy. Nyota will be here during the day, and Claudia’s coming in the evening.” She paused, looking skeptically at him. “And you’re not going to skip the trials tomorrow, are you?”

“Well, we did choose Saturday to have the party because there wouldn’t be any,” he said awkwardly.

“But you’re going to take a twelve hour shift on board, then immediately into eight hours of trials, then another twelve hour shift?” Anne asked, aghast. “No wonder you rushed us home. Go to bed, get some sleep, what’s wrong with you?” She caught his arm, tugging in the direction of the bedroom.

“It’s not that big a deal. At least let me grab something to eat first,” he protested.

“I’ll bring you something,” Anne said. “Go. I’ll be there in a few moments.” Gently propelling him toward the bedroom, she then turned and left for the kitchen. Only once she was there did she allow herself a sigh, her hands curling and uncurling restlessly. She had known eventually she’d take a back seat to the Enterprise. Why was it a problem now that it had happened? It wasn’t even like it was a big thing. Why was it so upsetting?

“Because you’re an idiot,” Anne whispered to herself. “It’s just a couple of nights.” She was, probably not unpredictably, feeling some intense wanderlust right then. Could probably be characterized as a desire to flee. Probably wasn’t a great sign as to how things were going if the thought of a night or two alone because of the ship made her want to run.

Probably better to shelve it for now. Anne rummaged around in the refrigeration unit and brought out some odds and ends that went together, a little mushroom tartlet and salad and such, bringing them to the right temperatures, and then shortcut through the garden for some fresh tomatoes before she brought everything to Jim. He was just stepping out of the washroom, his towel slung low around his hips in a way that would have been inviting if her head hadn’t been so unsettled. 

He looked over, still drying his hair, when he heard the door slide shut. “You didn’t have to do that, you know,” he said, his smile crooked, his eyes both tender and apologetic.

“Don’t be ridiculous, cher. You’ll barely get any sleep as it is.” Anne brought the tray over to his side of the bed, setting it down on the nightstand. Immediately, she went to the closet and the chest of drawers, starting to lay out his uniform for when he got up, gathering his formal uniform together so he could bring it easily.

“It’s all right, you don’t need to fuss over me,” he said, and this time he sounded embarrassed. “I can do all that on my own.”

“Eat your dinner, cher. The sooner this is done, the sooner you can sleep,” Anne said smoothly, grabbing one of the smaller cases and placing the formal uniform in it, hat carefully packed so that it wouldn’t get crushed. That done, she closed the case and set it beside his toothbrush. She thought about reminding him to take it, but that would be too… motherly. 

“Anne, come sit down,” he said, patting the bed beside him.

She didn’t really want to. She would rather have left until he was gone. That way when she came back, she wouldn’t have come in with him, and maybe there would be a way to pretend that he’d never been there.

She went and sat down beside him, looking down at his half-empty plate.

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean it to happen like this, but… I have to be there, at the women’s trials. We both have to be there. I had the choice of crewing during the party to avoid the trials, or crewing during the women’s trials and not being there with you. I counteroffered. This is the best arrangement I could make.”

“I get it,” Anne said, giving him a smile that felt a little unnatural. “It’s just nerves, that’s all. I understand.”

She saw him grimace a little. “Maybe Mason could stay here. I may not like him, but he’s definitely got your best interests in mind.”

“No. I don’t want someone hovering over me like I’m about to break in half and they’re waiting to catch the pieces.” She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. It’s just… I’m just a bit unsettled, that’s all.” She looked up at him, smiling briefly. “I guess it’s good that you’ll be away. I have some things to sort out.”

He didn’t question it, knowing there was a lot more going on than just nerves. “Yeah. I think we both do.”

At that, she relaxed. At least she wasn’t the only one feeling awkward and uneasy. “Let’s get some rest, cher. You’ll need it.”

Maybe it was a response to her tension dissipating somewhat; he relaxed too, picking at the remnants of his food and then setting the tray aside. Once they were settled in bed, he threw an arm over her, pulling her close. Aside from when they’d had no choice, she hadn’t spent a night apart from him since they’d first slept together, not even when she hadn’t remembered him. It would be strange to be in bed alone again. She didn’t like her reaction to the thought of it, but she set it aside for now. She’d have time to think on her own. That was something.

When he left, it was very carefully treated like any other time he’d left. She kissed him goodbye at the door, and then she was alone, surrounded by flowers, in an apartment that suddenly felt strange and empty.

He didn’t belong here, not really. They’d been playing at it, but truthfully, the Enterprise was his home. And she didn’t belong here either, surrounded by all this luxury. She’d never have bothered with it before. That huge lump of royalties that had accrued while she was gone was starting to dwindle noticeably, and that was something she’d never have done on her own. She didn’t care much about the credits, but it was uncharacteristic of her.

Mason hadn’t liked the way she was acting. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t like some of how she’d been acting. She’d never thought of herself as the type who needed rescuing, and suddenly that was all she’d done and been, to the point where the thought of not being Jim’s first priority made her nervous.

It wasn’t right to need him that much. McCoy and Hayes had been right. Of course. Anne paced restlessly around the apartment, looking at it as if she’d never seen it before. The walls, the flowers, the furniture, all of it suddenly felt like it belonged to someone else.

Her head was a jumble of self-accusation and uneasy doubts. It wasn’t even as if this was a big thing. It was just a couple of nights.

But it was a couple of nights where she’d expected him to be there, and he wasn’t, and it was because of the Enterprise. It wasn’t the fact that it had happened, it was that she knew it would be a pattern, that the ship came first in his mind and always would.

And if it didn’t, he wouldn’t be himself. And if he wasn’t himself, she wouldn’t have fallen so hard for him.

“What an impossible situation,” Anne murmured to herself. It was like her mind was caught in a mobius strip, endlessly covering the same territory, never getting anywhere in particular.

Well, there was only one cure for that.