#men stop making things about you challenge level impossible

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[thevegaedit]

Attraction 101: Confidence Over Desperation (pt 1)

Attraction Principle #2:

The women who have men climbing the walls for them aren't always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don't appear to care that much.

This principle can feel nearly impossible to put into practice if you struggle with insecurities. But learning to embody it is essential.

Step One: Stop Chasing

Do not:

Call or text him first.

Seem needy or overly available.

Talk about how you’re dying to get married.

Plan dates for the two of you.

As Sherry Argov says, it’s about “holding your own in a relationship.”

You might be thinking:

“But I do want to get married! I don’t want to waste my time, so I should tell him my intentions upfront.”

“I just want to share about my day or ask him to share about his!”

I get it. I’ve been there. But unfortunately, doing any of these things sends a very different message. It signals desperation—that he already has you in the palm of his hand. This will only make him wonder just how much power he has over you, how much you’re willing to tolerate, just to keep him in your life. And the harsh truth? It will erode your self-esteem even further.

A Personal Story

When I was 21, I was in a relationship where my boyfriend literally said to my face: “I have you in the palm of my hand.”

At the time, I thought it was a wild thing to say. But deep down, I knew it was true. I thought I was in love. I believed I couldn’t do better, and he could sense my insecurity—my desperation to be loved and chosen. I thought that by being extra nice, doing more for him, and proving my love, he’d eventually love me back just as deeply. But that never happened. He just kept taking and taking, offering nothing in return.

To give you some perspective: he was a high school dropout, three years older than me. I was in college, working a higher-paying job, and thought this would make me valuable in his eyes. I believed, “Surely, he wouldn’t risk losing me. I’m great!” But despite these surface-level "advantages," he knew he was in control.

Why Confidence Matters

As Argov states, “Men need a mental challenge.�� This doesn’t mean winning arguments or being more educated than him. It’s about exuding confidence and self-respect. He should know—without you ever saying it—that you’re not afraid to walk away if he disrespects you.

Here are some ways to avoid looking like you have lesser value in his eyes:

Don’t be too available. When he asks when he can see you, don’t say “anytime.” Don’t rearrange your plans to accommodate him. He needs to work around your schedule.

Don’t cancel plans for him. That yoga class, gym session, or time with friends? Keep them. Let him see you value your commitments.

No late-night hangouts. Avoid last-minute or late-night “come over” invites. It’s disrespectful. Politely decline and let him know you already have plans.

Don’t pay on dates. If he invites you out, let him pay. Kindly thank him for dinner with a smile. Don’t reach for your wallet—it sets the wrong precedent.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

In my early 20s, I made the mistake of paying on dates. For instance, on my first date with Martin, I pulled out my wallet and paid for breakfast—even though he had asked me out. I thought I was making a statement about independence, challenging traditional gender roles. And while he was pleasantly surprised, it set the tone for our entire relationship. Once we started dating, he never offered to pay. He assumed I’d cover everything, and I did—for seven whole months.

Eventually, I grew tired of always giving. When I stopped, he was confused and upset because that’s what I had taught him to expect.

Final Thoughts

Remember, being confident and holding your own doesn’t mean playing games or pretending you don’t care. It means valuing yourself enough to let him show his interest through action, not just words. He needs to see that your time is valuable, your self-worth isn’t dependent on him, and you won’t settle for less than you deserve.

You are the prize. Never forget that.

[transinatrade]

The Beginning

It's been about a month.

If you couldn't guess by my URL, I am a trans person (FTM) who is entering the HVAC trade. This is for a few reasons.

As the economic crisis rapidly sends us streaming forward toward poverty, my entry level job was not making us (my partner and I) enough money anymore.

Gifted kid burnout caught up to me a long time ago, and with the affordability of college being completely impossible without loans I would never have a hope of paying back, I turned to trades as an option of higher education without the ridiculous price tag.

I am more of a hands on person. Sitting down at an office desk was never for me, and I'm not sure why I ever thought it would be. I want to get my hands dirty, and have a new adventure every day.

Why HVAC specifically? Good question. I was interested in trades in general, how things work has always fascinated me. HVAC was a matter of elimination. Medical was not for me, blood and high stakes stress me out and the cost of those courses are very high. I've already flunked out of engineering classes in high school so anything related to it was a no go. Welding was another good option, but with loud sounds and bright lights my autism and bad hearing were not going to have a good time. The last two I was considering were HVAC and electrical. Each excellent fields and I had high interest in both, so I applied for EMT which is a combination of both (electrical mechanical technician, not the medical worker).

Now a new issue arose, one I have dealt with my whole life.

I am transgender.

The current trans panic, living in the bible belt, not passing well, and the already intimidating trades were a lot to take in a navigate, but I believe I have been very fortunate.

The first step was shopping around for a school and being very up front with how I identify and the situation. Emailing schools made it easier to imagine the school as an entity rather than a collection of people each with their own political views that make them view me very differently. I was ghosted by a couple schools, I am unsure if this is because of my identity or if they thought I was a spammer, but for my sake I'd like to think it was the ladder.

I managed to get pell grants, a few scholarships, loans that are far smaller than they would be for a four year degree, and finally an approved application.

The first couple of months were intimidating, there is a lot to learn in a small amount of time and a recent head injury was not helping. However, I do not give up easily. I found that passing had never been more important to me than ever, and I'm not entirely sure why. Perhaps the far more masculine men around me make me feel more inadequate. Perhaps the trans panic has indeed instilled a terror in me of being clocked as trans far more than I originally thought. Perhaps it is simply paranoia and the unknown. Whatever the case, I've found myself taking more steps than I usually do to pass, including binding. I never really did befores since having covid binding has restricted my breathing when any strenuous activity is involved, my chest is not large to begin with, and the mentioned current economic crisis has made it impossible to save for top.

There have been a couple instances when I was misidentified as female, thankfully my voice saved me in that regard, but when I am stopped up due to the weather, it is not as convincing.

In one instance the wrong name was called (since I have been unable to change it) so I had to pretend like my name was simply not on the roster until I could correct the person in private, embarrassing everyone involved. My existence is very alien, so there is no system in place to change my name or inform staff other than by email or word of mouth. It is all very overwhelming.

Other than all of these moving parts, day to day has been very smooth. I can update in the future if there are any incidents or new challenges come up. Thank you for reading.