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milliesfishes · 7 days

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Hi sweetest girl in town, Millie! Can you by chance write something angsty for Alex? I love the best best friends to lovers trope before they are officially together, like in pwmov after they hooked up and felt really hurt and heartbroken. But they actually both loved each other!! Or love an “unrequited” love confession and just all the feels. Have a lovely night!

꣑ৎ౨ৎ𝓞𝓬𝓮𝓪𝓷 𝓑𝓵𝓿𝓭꣑ৎ౨ৎ

[fem reader] contains: angst pairing: alex nilsen x fem reader summary: you and alex hook up on vacation author’s note: I very much hope this is good Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

From this angle you could see your pale pink bra where it had been unceremoniously tossed the ground. Alex's fingers were nimble, and the swiftness of the removal had only made your heart beat faster.

Inches away was your top, further your shorts. Your panties were closest to the bed. His clothes were discarded at equal intervals, lying beside your things like a couple's picture. Close to the entrance of the motel room were both of your shoes, one of his lying sole up atop your sandal.

The sheet was cool around your chest where you had pulled it up once he'd gotten off of you, suddenly self-conscious despite what you'd just done. His hand was resting palm down by your hip, elbow on the mattress, thumb stroking your side lazily. You weren't sure if he was looking at you. A part of you hoped he was.

Turning your head to the side revealed that he was staring at the ceiling, his chest not rising and falling as quickly as it had a few minutes ago. Alex's hair was a mess from your fingers running through it, and you suspected your own was along the same lines.

When he shifted, your eyes fell away, focusing on the edge of the pillow under your head. Your hair was cushioned under your ear, ends splayed out toward him. Silence like suffocating smoke was filling the air, pierced only by the sounds of doors opening and closing outside, keys jingling cheerfully as their owners' flip flops thumped their heels.

Just minutes ago you'd been breathing his name, his lips ghosting your neck, hands gripping your waist so hard you wouldn't be surprised if there were bruises later. And now it was quiet. And you hated it.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was just another annual vacation with your best friend, the one you loved and trusted more than anybody else in the world. This trip to a sunny coastal town in southern California was supposed to be an escape from your problems, not a place to create new ones. But the tension had been thick, connecting both of you like an iron bar.

Today especially had been bordering the precipice. The two of you had walked, shoulders bumping, through the less-than-busy streets with grass and daisies growing between the sidewalk cracks. Ice cream from your cones dripping onto your fingers, you'd hardly stopped giggling the whole morning, playing a game of I Spy with the quirky things you spotted.

"Me," Alex had said, unwrapping a finger from around his ice cream to point at a stone figurine of a cat wearing a frog hat.

You nudged him with one elbow, chasing a droplet running down your cone with your tongue. "I think you'd wear it better."

"Of course I would, I'm adorable."

This continued until you stopped at a low stone wall close to the beach, sitting and resting your feet. You'd popped the pointed end of the cone into your mouth and set your bag down, stretching and tilting your head, gasping when you nearly fell backwards. Quicker than lightning, Alex reached out to steady you, forgetting that what was left of his ice cream was still in that hand.

When the cold of it smeared your side, you instantly knew what it was. As he pulled you in closer to him, away from where you would have fallen into a bed of sea grass, you could see the realization on his face. You braced a hand on his chest, laughter bubbling from your lips. "Is your hand sticky now?"

"Yeah." He cracked a smile upon seeing that you were unbothered, fingers starting to lift from your side.

You stopped him, grabbing his arm. "Keep it there. It'll hide the stain until we get back to our room."

Alex didn't argue, reaching down to pick up your bag and sling it over his shoulder. The two of you carefully stood up, walking side by side as you crossed the street. He adjusted his fingers where they laid a few times, and you felt electric just from that. Feelings were poking through your bubble without breaking it, swirling around inside you like fairy dust. The quiet that settled between you was comfortable.

It was the stark opposite of now.

You felt dread land like a lead ball in your stomach as he turned on his side to face you, hand reaching out to brush yours. "Are you-?"

"I'm gonna go to the pool!" Plastering a smile to your face, you stood up, ignoring the flush in your cheeks when you remembered you still weren't wearing anything. Pushing through it, you ignored the slight tremble of your knees in favor of finding your suitcase on the ground and pulling out a bikini. It was the only one that wasn't drying over the edge of the bathtub, but also the most revealing one. Not helpful.

Alex sat up, not bothering to cover himself. You averted your eyes, tugging on your bottoms and beginning to tie the back. He cleared his throat once. "You're...okay, I..." You looked up, and he scratched the back of his neck.

"I'll meet you down there," you offered, brushing your hair behind your ear as a distraction and adjusting your top over your breasts. Cramming your sunglasses on your head, you met his eyes again, saw the confusion swimming in them.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Uh...yeah. Maybe."

You felt a stab of guilt. "Okay." Taking your bag stuffed with sunscreen, a towel, and a book, you padded to the door, only stopping to pick up your shorts from the clothing trail and pull them on. Slipping your feet into your sandals, you slithered out the door like a snake, feeling like one too.

All the way to the pool, your eyes stung with tears, his tone echoing in your head. Depositing your bag on the chair next to you, an automatic habit in case he came down, you drew your knees to your chest, squeezing your eyes shut. There were a million feelings blooming in your chest and they were all foreign.

That scared you.

He'd been a constant in your life forever, truly the one person you could depend on, trust. And you might have just ruined it. The thought brought forth a tear from your eye, and you just let it fall. Nobody else was at the pool, the temporary residents of the motel likely off to town for the evening.

You felt like a fisherman trying to reel in a whale. The sparks you'd always felt with Alex weren't candlelight anymore, they were a fire, and it was consuming you. For so long you'd fought it, hidden away and told yourself you were only imagining it. But the truth was rearing its ugly head, even now causing you to close your eyes as if that would make it disappear.

You couldn't love him. He was your best friend. You couldn't.

Reaching for your book, you opened it to a random page, trying to veer your attentions away from something you desperately wanted to avoid right now. Your vision was blurry, and you could hardly make out the words before you. They may as well have been in Greek.

Everything in your brain had dissipated save for seconds-long memories like a montage of what had happened. Unlocking the door. Pulling off your shirt, laughing at something he said. Going quiet when he saw you topless. Pulling you in. Lips finding yours.

"You're beautiful."

His hands skimmed the line of your panties, thumbs hooking on the edges.

You were bare before him.

So was he. He was beautiful too.

The worst part of all of it was how right it had felt. Your bodies fit like they were made to be pressed together, swelling and flattening in all the right places. His touch ruined every sensation in the world, and you wanted to feel his hands on you over and over, like rolling waves on the tide. Late at night when you were too tired to deny anything about yourself you had wondered...thoughts wandering...how would it feel to touch him that way? To kiss him?

Alex kissed like he'd been craving you, his lips practically devouring yours. He knew just where to touch you, as if you'd done this every day for years. Even though you'd been able to feel how much he wanted you, he'd kept you on his lap, legs on either side of his thighs as he kissed you long and slow and sweet.

Now you knew. But you'd likely paid the price with the person you loved most in the world.

It was sunset. The colors were streaking the sky, some heavenly being's creation to ease mortals into the night. You would have snapped a picture if you hadn't left your phone back in the motel room.

Alex hadn't appeared once since you'd come down, and ever minute without him made you feel worse. This was the longest you'd been apart since the trip had begun, including the plane ride. You always drove to the airport together since it was so far from Linfield, splitting the parking for one car. His head always found your shoulder on the plane ride, your hand clasped with his because he often grew anxious at takeoff.

Already you were mourning the loss of these memories, ones you thought would repeat themselves over and over. This could very well be your last trip together. All because you couldn't rein in your emotions after seeing how he'd looked at you when you were only wearing a bra.

It was a sour ache because he was such a fixture in your life. Alex inhabited every part of you, had worked himself into so many details of your life. He took up a good fifty percent of the pictures in your phone. You'd shopped for all your furniture together when you got your own apartment, and he helped you put it together. So many of the little trinkets in your room were things he'd gotten for you, and even the bikini you were wearing had undergone his approval before you hit purchase. Not that it mattered- whenever you sent him pictures of things, he told you you'd look good in them.

Alex Nilsen's essence was draped over every aspect of you, tangled into your mind and firmly set like a mold around your heart. It was a wonder something like this hadn't happened sooner. A part of you wished it had, because then this wouldn't hurt as much. The other part was happy you got to have every moment with him.

Tears sprung to your eyes again, but you clenched your jaw, not wanting to cry anymore. This is stupid. You haven't even talked to him, one part of your mind insisted. You buried your face in your hands, trying to keep your breathing steady. Working yourself into a panic attack wouldn't help anybody. No, you just ran away at the scene before he could get a word in.

"Hey." You looked up, a strand of hair escaping your sunglasses headband and falling into your eyes. There he was, standing in front of you in his swimsuit and short sleeved shirt unbuttoned. The one you'd sent him a picture of as a joke because it had tiny mermaids dotted all over it, but he'd ended up buying.

Both your phones were held in one hand, and he set them down by your beach bag, sitting at the edge of the chair. "Are you alright?"

Your fingers flew to the ends of your hair, twisting them. "Yeah."

Alex gave a half-smile, his eyes never leaving your face. "Me too."

He understands. You let go of a breath, and finally met his gaze. "I'm sorry I left like that."

A single nod. "I get it." He held out a hand into the space between your chairs, and you met him halfway, clasping his fingers. Even his touch comforted you, easing the sharp feeling that had been cutting slowly at your being for the past while. "I took a walk. Had some time to think about...everything."

You cast your eyes to the ground. "We don't have to play any games. If you want to forget it ever happened..."

"No." When you looked back up at him, he looked surprised. Squeezing your hand, he asked, "Is that what you want?"

"I..." you were speechless. "I just thought..."

"Why did you hook up with me if you just wanted to forget about it?" Alex's words hit you like a punch to the stomach. He let go of your hand, and you felt tears rise to your eyes all over again.

"I didn't...I don't..." you were grasping, trying to find your words. "Alex..." Taking in a shuddering breath, you felt panic begin to constrain you. As you recognized the signs, you turned away, pressing a hand flat to your chest.

He touched your shoulder. "Hey. It's okay...you're okay-" You felt a weight on your chair as he sat beside you, fingers rubbing your skin. "C'mere." You didn't resist, turning into him and hiding your face in his chest. Alex's hand pressed lightly on your back, and you were too tense for his warm touch to cause anything but comfort.

You were flushed with humiliation- in all the time you'd known him you needed less than one hand to count how many times you'd cried in front of him. He let his chin rest on the top of your head, fully engulfing you in him.

"I don't want to forget any part of you," you breathed, voice hitching. One of your cheeks was pressed to his chest, half to skin and half to his shirt, one button digging into your face. He ran his hand up your back once.

His hand was at your lower back, two fingers lingering at the waistband of your shorts, the others splayed out on your skin. Now the sky was a brilliant orange, lighting the sun's glowing path as it sunk into the earth, lighting the day of somebody else. You watched it fall over his shoulder, legs half tangled over his thigh. The sunset shadows were thrown behind you, your silhouettes intertwined in a perfect shape that imprinted on your heart.

Alex waited for you to pull back first, keeping his hands at your waist, just in case. You met his eyes. "I don't want to forget you."

His shoulders slumped, and he removed a hand from your waist to cup your cheek. Rubbing your cheekbone gently, he murmured, "I don't want to forget you either."

You shifted, half-sitting on his lap now, and he touched your thigh, tracing your kneecap with his other hand. "Look...you know me. I wouldn't hook up if there wasn't...if I didn't feel something."

There it was. That scary, indescribable sensation in your chest, that fluttered your heart like a pair of butterfly's wings. Your instinct was to shrink away, but the way he was looking at you nearly sent stars shooting just so you could wish on them.

Reaching for his hand on your knee, you squeezed it. If there had ever been anything you struggled with, it was expressing yourself in words. But he deserved to know. "I feel it too."

Alex's face brightened like a light had gone off inside him, and your heart ached. He was so eager to love you. Exhaling softly, you looked away, focusing on the fringe of your beach towel. "I just don't want to ruin anything."

"Ruin anything?" He turned your cheek so you'd look at him. "How would that ruin anything?"

"Because I love you and I don't want to lose you," you pleaded, hand finding his wrist. "If we do this and it doesn't work out, I don't want us to become strangers. I don't want to see you in a room someday and know everything about you and not be able to talk to you."

It was clear the instant realization dawned on him. Your lower lip trembled just slightly, and you squeezed your eyes shut, a single tear dropping to your thigh. Alex pulled you into him again, smoothing a hand down your hair. You wished he could iron this out the same way.

"We don't have to go there yet." His voice was quiet, subdued. Drawing back to look at you, he tucked a stray strand behind your ear, adjusting the strap of your bikini top. "Just...know that I love you. In every possible way."

The sky was golden as you leaned into him, his arm around your shoulders. You watched the sun fall into the sea, stars beginning to dot the sky like an entity threw a handful of glitter over the dark canvas.

You wrapped your arms around his torso, the salt air hazy around the space. "I love you too."

He pressed his lips to your temple.

Maybe everything would be okay.

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