#plus don’t even get me started on the goofy jail in hell thing…

[verosikastrikerstellaexcuser]

Does anyone else think Millie should have been the one who met Blitz first?

Millie can kill like anything and likes doing it. I really can see something like her feeling unfulfilled at home having to repress her violence and farm. When she meets Moxxie she loves him so much she leaves home to go live with him (which would explain her parents animosity to Moxxie even better too). However she struggles to find work and adjust to life away from home. All the jobs she gets she loses her temper and can’t hold them down. Then she gets into a public scrap in front of Blitz. Blitz sees it and is like WOWOW WORK FOR ME WORK FOR ME LOOK AT THAT LOOK AT YOU really insistent on it he NEEDS her for IMP. Millie says yes and they’re quickly both happy. She’s relieved at finally having a job.

Millie looks past Blitz’s antics way more than Moxxie. Obviously a huge part of that is Moxxie’s personality Vs. Millie’s . But if Millie also “owed” Blitz being pulled out of a string of failed jobs I feel like that would explain a lot of her ignoring of his bad behaviors and her having admiration trust and respect for him and his decisions. She also seems to somewhat dislike Loona and her not liking Loona because Loona disrespects Blitz a lot and she thinks Blitz is a smart cool guy from having had him insist she works for him and then hire Moxxie I just feel like would tie all that together so elegantly. And this change would make Millie’s story way more central because outside of Stolas almost everything revolves around Blitz or Moxxie in this show and it’s a problem.

[hihellogoodbyebruh]

No Letting Go

Pairing: Angel Reyes x Black!Reader, Coco Cruz x Black!Reader (platonic)

Summary: Coco has been your best friend and rock since childhood. You’re having a problem learning to share him with the club, specifically a certain club member who happens to be your ex who you may or may not still be in love with.

Warning(s): 18+ only, smut (the sex!), foul language

Word count: 3,493

Author’s Note: This is for my fellow girls who’s love language is talking shit LOL. Also I’ve made this fic pre-season 1. EZ is in jail. This was two parts before I just decided to make it one fic. So it might be a little disjointed BUT just go with it okay? I’ve missed y’all and I hope you like this. Hopefully I’m not too rusty. Questions, comments, and concerns are always welcome. My inbox is open. Enjoy!

Your childhood wasn’t the most stable, drive by shootings and cracked out parents didn’t exactly leave room for normalcy, but there was always one constant for you and that was Coco. His mother was also an absolute train wreck. You guys kind of grew up taking care of each other. You remember Leticia being born while he was in jail and trying to talk some sense into Celia about giving the baby a better life. You remember when he got out of jail and joined the Marines. Just as you got him back, he was gone again. It was extremely hard not having him around, but it forced you to really take care of yourself. No more Coco to lean on. You only had yourself.

So after high school, you went to cosmetology school and got yourself a beauty license. You’d taken care of your hair for years and it’s important to you to teach others how to take care of theirs. Natural hair, wigs, weaves, braids, or whatever. You helped your clients with it all and showed them how to keep up with their hair. You got a job at a local shop and you were taking care of yourself. Things were good but you missed your best friend.

Then he was back. Coco was discharged from the military and you thought you’d have him all to yourself, but then he was telling you about joining the Mayans and you barely heard from him for months. Well, you weren’t just about to accept that shit.

You banged on the front door, “Coco open the fuck up! You know who it is! Open this damn door, Johnny!” You yelled, as you pounded your fist against the door.

The door whipped open and Coco stood there with an irritated look on his face. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! Don’t bang on my door like that. You know better.” The look on his face as well as the growl in his voice would have terrified anyone.

You just stared at him before breaking out into a smile. “I missed you.”

Some of the irritation left his face and he actually sighed at you. It was the closest to a pout he’d ever get. “Yeah, yeah. Get your ass inside.”

“I hear you grumbling, but this is what happens when you keep ignoring me. Imma stay on yo head boy!” You told him, walking into his living room before sucking your teeth when you saw who was there.

Angel. Reyes.

It was bad enough that Coco joined that damn club and was busy being their prospect. It’s been even worse since he’s basically become best friends with Angel, who happened to be your ex boyfriend. Well, maybe ex fuck buddy was better. He started to push for more and as someone who hated being cornered (and someone with serious reservations about his lifestyle) you broke things off with him. It was infuriating. You finally got Coco back, but he was taken away from you again and with the one person who you wanted to avoid. Feelings were still there, but you hid them by egging him on. Were you acting like a kindergartener pulling someone’s hair they had a crush on? Maybe. Using sass to hide your emotions? You’re a pro at that. Coco had no idea about y’alls past.

“Don’t you have your own place to live? Why the fuck you always over here?” You questioned, setting your purse down in one of the empty chairs.

“Hey! Don’t start Y/N.” Coco interjected, already knowing where this was going. It was equal parts exhausting and entertaining watching those two go back and forth.

“I do. I just like being over here. It’s more opportunities to run into you.” Angel replied from where he was sprawled out on the couch. He had a cap sitting backwards on his head, a gray sleeveless shirt on, jeans, and his legs spread wide.

“You giving off real scrub vibes right now.” You rolled your eyes at him before directing your attention back to Coco. “So where you been? See when you don’t return my calls you make me have to pop up on your ass. So wassup?”

“Nothing is up. You gotta chill. You know I’m prospecting with the club now. I got a job at the scrap yard and everything. I’m just busy living.”

“Mmmhmm...so you’re too busy for me now?” You asked, letting the spoiled brat come out of you a little before deciding it was safer to just change the subject. “ANYWAY, Leticia texted me.”

That caught Coco’s attention. “Why? What’s wrong? Is she okay? What the fuck did my mom do now?” He asked, worry clear in his tone.

You waved your hand to dismiss his concerns. “She’s fine. She has a school dance coming up and she wants me to do her hair. I think perhaps you should drop by and check on her, maybe have a small discussion about the birds and bees…” You implored, and he immediately began shaking his head.

“Nah. You should do it.”

“I’m not family.”

“Yes, you are. Plus you’re a woman. Y’all can talk about shit I don’t get.”

“It would still be good for her to have a male’s perspective. One to tell her how a respectable gentleman acts and better yet, shows her.” She has always pushed for Coco to spend more time with Letty. She knew it was hard from him, but she knew the girl truly loved her older brother.

“Who the fuck is Leticia?” Angel asked, clearly confused.

“His sister.” “My sister.” You and Coco answer at the same time. You both maintained eye contact as you basically glared him into submission. Your eyes conveyed the words you’d never let slip from your lips. ‘Spend some time with your fucking kid, Co’ was the thought written clearly on your face.

“Fine, I will stop by and check in.” He conceded and you smiled widely again. You loved it when you won.

“Y’all are so cute.” Angel teased, a small smirk on his face because he knew it would get under your skin.

The small smile on your face was quickly wiped away at his words. “Shut up. That’s my brother. Period.”

“I still have a chance then.” His smirk turned into a grin. He loved getting a rise out of you.

“Psh.” You scoffed, the retort leaving your lips quick and snappy. “A chance in hell.” 

“Then I’ll meet you there, sweetheart.” He always loved that fire in you. He missed not having it around as much. He felt bad about keeping the relationship from Coco, but he figured he’d bide his time for now. He still wanted you. He could remember the nights spent laid up in your bed as he watched you braid your hair or helped you lotion your body. His favorite thing to do was lather you up because it always led to him knocking your walls down.

You stood up from your chair and walked to where he was seated so you could stand over him. Your hands were on your hip and you just stared at him for a moment. He was so blasé about everything. You wanted to make him stumble just once. “Eat shit, Angel.”

“Only if it’s yours.”

You wanted to laugh so bad. He had such a quick wit and y’alls banter was something you have yet to experience with anyone else. Still, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction so you turned away from him to keep your smile in check. “You goofy as hell. I don’t have time for this shit. I have appointments. Just needed to make Coco promise me to my face.”

“All that whining about me not returning calls or having time for you and you can’t even stay and hang? You’re so fucking fake.” Coco chuckled and you laughed as well.

“Don’t hate. I do what I gotta do. Walk me out bestie.” You grinned, walking toward the exit and grabbing your purse on your way out.

“Bye mamí.” Angel yelled at you and you merely lifted your hand to give him the finger. His answering laughter warms you up and you can’t help throwing him a look over your shoulder.

Coco walked you out the front door and closed it behind him.

“If you think that ‘tough bitch’ act is putting him off you’re so wrong.”

You stare at Coco with your eyebrows raised giving him that ‘you should know better’ look before going, “Who is acting?”

“Alright, Y/N.” He just shook his head and decided to let y’all figure it out. No way was he gonna jump in the middle of that. He knew it would resolve itself eventually.

xxxxxxx

The next time you got to see Coco things were an absolute mess. You don’t know exactly what happened but the gang got into a shootout. Coco was injured and your heart was beating against your chest so hard as you raced toward the scrap yard. This was out of your comfortable zone completely, but you needed to see that he was okay. 

Even though on the inside you were freaking out, you tried your best to keep a calm outer appearance as you came face to face with the gang. You went through the basic introductions and then you found yourself crouching in front of a passed out Coco.

“He always said he didn’t really have family so we didn’t know who to contact until Angel told us about you.” The president explained, as you studied the bandages on Coco’s chest. 

You tore your attention from Coco to look at Angel and saw him already looking at you. It was like he was studying you. You gave him a small smile, trying to convey your gratefulness that he contacted you. He just nodded back at you.

“Thank you all for everything you do and did for him.” You looked back at the president, Bishop, and all the other guys.

“He’s our brother.”

“He’s my brother too.” Your gaze went back to Coco, a soft look on your face that made Angel want to just wrap you up in his arms.

Luckily the bullets just grazed Co and nothing vital was hit. You could only sit still for so long before your anxiety got the better of you and you stood up, striding out of the door. You inhaled deeply once you felt the fresh air. 

You would have been so heartbroken if Coco had died. Just the thought made your hands start shaking. You curled them into tight fists and closed your eyes as you focused on slowing your breathing. Your eyes only shot open when you felt someone touch your elbow.

“Hey, you okay?” Angel asked, his eyes soft as he gazed at you so you diverted your eyes.

“I’m fine.” You replied, the sigh you let out in the end betraying your words.

“You want a drink?” He offered and you perked up a little.

“So badly.” You admitted. 

“Come on.”

He led you to the little trailer that was parked on one side of the scrap yard. You wanted to say something smart, but you’d been to his home and knew he didn’t stay here. Plus your heart just wasn’t in it at the moment. He grabbed two beers out of the fridge and opened them before handing you one. You immediately took a big gulp of it.

Angel went to lean back against the fridge and you saw him wince. It dawned on you that he was also in the shootout with Coco. You were so focused on your brother because they said only he was shot, but Angel looked hurt too.

“What happened to you? Don’t tell me you got shot too.” You set the beer down and invaded his personal space. You lifted up his shirt and noticed some bruising there and your head lifted back up quickly to look at him.

“I didn’t get shot. Just got the shit kicked out of me.” Angel explained, staring at you as you fussed over him. 

You let out a loud sigh. “Well you need to be icing it and resting. I can’t have both of y’all fucked up at once.” You murmured, eyes dropping back to his bruises for a moment.

“Are you admitting to actually giving a shit about me now?” Angel inquired and you immediately dropped your grip on his shirt and took a step away from him.

“Don’t start this right now.” You pleaded. It was easy when you two were bantering back and forth, but his face was so serious. You knew the conversation was going to get heavy.

“Don’t start what? So you still want to pretend we don’t know each other? That we didn’t spend nights wrapped around each other for months?” He stepped closer and closer to you as he spoke. “That you didn’t become mi corazón before you took it all away? I’m tired of pretending.”

As he stood directly in front of you, you felt your heart racing. You couldn’t look him in the eyes. You knew if you looked him in the eyes you would fold. He knew as well so his hands caressed your cheeks before bringing your face back up so you would look at him.

“I know you love me and I love you. We should be together right now.” He was beyond frustrated. This game has gone on for too long. He wanted you back.

“Why? For what huh? So in five to ten years you can get yourself killed and leave me a widow? So I can have another person I love ripped away from me? So all I’m left with is bittersweet memories? Nah. Coco is laying on a couch with bullet wounds at this very moment. Fuck that.”

“I never would have taken you for a coward.”

“I’m a coward for wanting to live my life with as little pain as possible? Fuck you, Angel.” Your eyes blazed at his words.

“No you're a coward because you’re scared to face the fact that you love me and want to be with me. I can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen, shit something could happen to you and it would absolutely break me. But I’m willing to take that risk. I promise to make you more than just comfortable. You deserve to feel loved, cherished, appreciated, and fucking happy. I wanna spend the rest of my life making you happy. Don’t you want that?”

Tears filled your eyes and you closed them as some spilled over. 

You weren’t ready to have that conversation with him. Not right now. You wanted to feel good. Your eyes met Angel’s briefly before you were surging up and connecting your lips to his.

His arms slid down your back to attach themselves to your ass, pulling your body against him. You felt every part of him. He wasn’t too muscular, but he was solid. It felt good to be back in his arms. The kiss got more passionate as your tongues tangled with each other. He was a fantastic kisser.

He turned you around and propped you up on the one table in the trailer. Your hands worked his kutte off and you let your fingers run under his shirt and feel his chest again. His kisses ran down your neck and you moaned as he sucked on that spot on your neck. You began unbuckling his belt ready to feel him inside you.

“Eager huh?” He teased, his lips at your ear. You pulled back to look him in the face and stopped what you were doing.

“Oh I’m sorry. Would you like to sit down and talk about our feelings more or would you prefer to feel this pussy wrapped tightly around you?” You asked cockily, one eyebrow raised.

Angel looked at you and smirked. “Continue.” Shit, who was he to turn you down? He never really could. You got his jeans undone and your hand was in his underwear and stroking his dick while kissing his shoulder before he could say anything.

“Ah, shit.” He moaned, as you stroked his dick and felt it harden under your hand. You squeezed it a little just to see if his breath still caught in his throat and you smirked against his neck when you heard the sound.

“Don’t get cocky.” He whispered, rubbing your pussy through your jean shorts. Your hips jumped a little at the contact and you felt your panties getting more wet than they were before. He kept rubbing; the friction of your jeans and panties rubbing perfectly between your pussy lips had you squeezing your thighs closed. 

You leaned your head back to look at him. “You’re gonna ruin my jeans, stop it.”

It was his turn to smirk as he took a small step back, your hand falling off him. “Then let’s take them off.” He peeled your shorts and panties down, spreading your legs so far apart that your right foot slid out of your pants. Your shorts and panties dangled around your left ankle.

“Oh baby, that pussy is still as pretty as ever.” He popped two of his fingers in your mouth, slipping them a little down your throat so he could hear the always beautiful sound of you choking before he stuck those fingers inside of you.

“Fuck..” You groaned, your hand squeezing his arm. 

“And you still feel like Heaven. I gotta feel you around my dick again. That’s what you want right? You want me to fuck that attitude right out of you.” He asked, though it wasn’t really a question. He was just talking. “I know what you need, mami. Always have and always will.” He let his pants fall and in a quick and smooth move he removed his fingers and replaced them with his dick inside of you.

He had both hands squeezing your thighs as he kept your legs apart. He had you open wide for him. Your nails were digging into his arm and your other hand was bracing yourself on the table. There was so much in those thrusts. It was all his feelings in one. He was conveying how mad he was, how much he missed you, and how much he loved you. 

“Angel,” you moaned, head thrown back as you got lost in the feel of him. You couldn’t focus on anything, but him. He still knew exactly how to fuck you and drive you over the edge. Your stomach was in knots as you felt your orgasm building. He could feel it too and he slowed his strokes down to more shallow ones.

“Look at me.” He demanded, and you tilted your head down until you made eye contact with him. “Look at me fucking you. Look at me giving you what you need. I’ll always give you everything. All you have to do is ask. Tell me, mi dulce. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.”

“I-I wanna cum Angel please.” You begged, barely able to get the words out. You knew that he knew he had you right where he wanted you.

He kissed your lips and sped back up his thrusts as the pressure built back up in your stomach. He kept kissing you, his tongue tasting every inch of your mouth as he fucked you. With a shaky hand, you reached down and rubbed your clit to push yourself over the edge.

You moaned into his mouth as he fucked you through your orgasm. As you clenched around him, the tightening of your walls around him helped to trigger his own release. 

Angel tucked his head in your neck and placed kisses there and along your shoulder as you both came down from the high. “Will you let me take you to dinner, mi dulce? Por favor.” He pulled his face from your neck so he could look in your eyes.

You didn’t shy away from his eyes this time. You held his face in your hands as you gazed at each other. His words echoed over and over in your head.

“You deserve to feel loved, cherished, appreciated, and fucking happy. I wanna spend the rest of my life making you happy. Don’t you want that?”

Mind blowing sex and one beautiful love declaration does not fix everything. You still had your reservations about the relationship. You were still scared. You were still worried. You were still unsure. But when you looked into his eyes you saw nothing but his love for you and his certainty. He was so sure it was you for him. You could picture a wedding and children in your future. Maybe even growing old together. Suddenly, you knew you wanted to try.

Don’t you want that?

With all that in mind, the answer was simple:

“Yes.”

[writefightandflightclub]

Me appreciating you for Fanfic Writers’ Appreciation Day, but a day late, because I do everything late. Anyway... yay!

1. PLEASE LOOK DOWN THIS LIST (BELOW THE CUT) UNTIL YOU SPOT AN AUTHOR YOU’RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH

2. GO AND CHECK OUT THEIR STUFF

3. SCREAM AT THEM ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE

4. SIGNAL BOOST THE HELL OUT OF THEIR STUFF

5. REPEAT STEPS ABOVE

Firstly, before we proceed to the list: I will have forgotten people, and for that I am so sorry (not in any way intentional)- I will come back and update if I spot someone I’ve missed. Secondly, for fic authors who weren’t tagged on Fic Writers’ Day, please keep doing what you’re doing! Putting your writing out there takes courage and I’m super proud of you. I’m so pleased we have your unique voice in the fandom, and I appreciate you.

Secondly, if you know an author who perhaps didn’t get as much love as they deserve (and don’t be afraid to self-hype) please send me an ask with a) their/your handle b) which fandom they/you write for (to be relevant to my page pls keep this to SW, Oscar, Pedro, MCU) c) why people should check them/you out and, if you like, which fic to start with, and I’ll do a shout-out.

Finally, if you aren’t a writer yet but you want to be, I believe in you! Please take the plunge! My inbox is always open to any aspiring writers who need encouragement to make that first post or start that first fic. I’ve been in your position, and believe me I’m in your corner. Happy to be your hype girl.

Reccing authors in Star Wars / Oscar / Pedro fandoms:

@okay-hotshot / Celeste is the loveliest human ever. She had me hooked from her first fic, which broke then healed my heart, and I’m so proud of her writing journey so far! Check her page out for Oscar character fics and the most magical, creative, immersive, touching, original Llewyn fic you could dream up: Wait for me.

@mandoplease where do I even start? Becca oozes talent and absolutely floors me every single time. The first fic I read was: The City Lights Can Wait (Santi x reader) and I was just blown away by the writing prowess. Gorgeous prose, mind blowing metaphors and descriptions. A personal fave is the Santi/Frankie threesome fic: Moving Day, but Fight Night also needs a mention. Check her out for Triple Frontier / Narcos / Star Wars characters.

@mylifeliterally Ok, Emma is an absolute gem of a human. Funny, welcoming and so supportive of other writers. Oh, and can be counted on for thots. I often rec the positively artful Triple Frontier gangbang fic (and now series) Team Building Exercise, but don’t overlook her other fics- I especially love: Just for Tonight, a two-part Santi fic. The Triple Frontier Queen, she is slowly dragging everyone into a pit of yearning along with her for every single one of those boys and we’re not even mad. Her writing is flawless and I cannot get enough. P.s. she has a refridgerator husband.

@tintinwrites I’ve already gushed at Caitlin today so I’ll keep it brief. Queen of Poe, and also branching out and excelling with everything she touches in Pedro fandoms too. I think I’ve read near everything on her masterlist and there are no wrong choices, but to pick out only a couple, which is a hard task, imma rec Forbidden Fruit and Fifty Ways to Kiss someone for Po, and Nothing Could be Finer for reader x Frankie x Santi. 

@woakiees again, gushed at Hadley already so I’ll try and keep it chill here. Queen of angst and darkness, and of First Order Poe. Also love that she’s writing for Santi and Din now too. Caitlin says it best when she describes Hadley’s writing as like something from 1843 with a modern twist. Such a unique voice. Imma recommend Sanctified and So ruthless, Darling for Poe.

@iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall Abby! The range! You know I remind you on a bi-monthly basis how much Lonely Nights (Poe x reader) broke my heart and here we go again. You can do it all- fluffy, slow burn series (Call it what you want), heartbreaking angst and smut- your Blue Jones mob boss AU, Darkest Little Paradise? Wowzers. Plus, you’re a sweetie and I love when we scream at each other. 

@darksideofclarke Clarke does so much for us all and just keeps giving. From the Sinful Sunday events to the incredible Follower Celebration, to setting up a whole side blog to extend the character takeovers?! Blessed with content! And Clarke’s fics?! Exquisite, and such a choice of characters from the Oscar fandom. I particularly love Now and Forevermore (Orestes); Bulletproof (Santi); Humbled (Blue); and ‘Til Death Do They Part (Mikael) but I could easily go on. Clarke you’re so talented. And you are a lovely human to boot!

@bluebellhairpin Nemo, you are a joy, and I won’t gush at you too much bc I already did that today, but I love what you’re putting out. You write for so many fandoms, which is so impressive, and you’re a fellow Poe hoe. I adore your series Fight or Flight, Rider, but you have so many cute one-shots and blurbs too e.g. Poe Dameron is an Idiot! Your audios give me life as well.

@spider-starry Carrie is so much fun and has been branching out a lot in her writing recently, which is great to see! I love Carrie’s 100 letter project in particular, for various Oscar characters, as well as this smutty Nathan NSFW Alphabet, which had me all in a tizz.

@aellynera (tag me in your stuff pls?) I love your drunk text series for Santi and Nathan and your Itsy Bitsy Spider headcanons made me howl! I’m so excited to see what you put out next! And I love that you also love Nathan :D

@anetteaneta already gushed at you today so I’ll keep it brief, but I’m so happy you’re sharing your writing! I loved your Sherlock series for Santi so much! And OMG wait, I didn’t see you’d written for Nathan until just now. Must catch-up. (Please tag me in any Oscar stuff you put out?)

@veuliee2 I need to catch-up on a lot of your fics to be fair (please tag me in stuff?) but you write Orestes so wonderfully and with so much heart that it blows me away (New Constellations). So few fics on him on this site and yours are a pleasure. Plus, you’re an all round lovely person! :o)

@thirsty-flygirl I don’t think you believe how good you are which makes me very sad to be honest. Because you’re amazing. You write Poe so spot on, so warm and goofy and a lovable sexy dumbass. Perfect. Your writing and dialogue makes me smile / laugh and you can somehow make it hot and soft all at once. I love your series Idiots in particular. (Please tag me in more of your stuff though as I worry I miss things you put out?). You’re great and I love having you here.

@twomoonstwosuns​ I really need to catch-up on your Poe series, Back to You but I really enjoyed the chapters I’ve read! (Please tag me in future Poe stuff?) You’re a star! 

@absurdthirst I’m newish in the Pedro fandoms so still getting to grips with it, but have loved what I’ve seen so far and look forward to delving deeper (and there’s plenty to get stuck into!)!Most recently read the Ezra fic Healing which was beautifully and sensitively written (cw: for prior assault).

@damerondjarin Taylor is multi-talented and blesses us, tbh, with GIFs and writing. She’s currently in tumblr jail, but I strongly advise you check out all her stuff. I came for Santi fics and they did not disappoint (I can’t link to it but the latest Santi fic killed me and was a wonderul take on the “there’s only one bed” trope.

@damndamer0n you have a gift, Ty. I’m in awe and I don’t know how you do what you do. Your way with words is really something special. I bow. Gonna recommend Just Friends for Poe because this is such a warm and immersive (and hot) fic and so in character. But honestly all your stuff is perfect. I’ve read things for characters I’ve never heard of before because of you and have loved each and every one. (Like, really, what are your secrets, tell us?). Also gonna shout-out to your Ezra fic, Sunlight, beacuse the world-building and mood-building was lovely. Really memorable!

@mssr-cellophane I found your work recently through FinnPoe week and your glorious take on the The Jacket prompt (links to A03). Looking forward to reading more of your stuff (please feel free to tag me!) and surprised by how much I vibe with all your posts haha. Happy to follow you! :)

@yougottakeeponkeepinon AMANDA? Where do I begin and how do I stop? You’re such an important part of this site for me. I think you’re wonderful as a person and I love your writing too. Miscommunication (First Order! Poe) is off the scale brilliant, and then you blew me away with your latest Santi fic, Eavesdropping, but honestly, I’ve never read anything of yours I didn’t love, from goofy Poe to soft soft Llewyn (I love Away from the Sun). I WANNA YELL AT YOU YOU’RE JUST THE BEST.

@poesflygirl Nat is a ball of energy and that comes across in her writing. Nat, you write with such verve and energy and defo have a unique voice. You write the angstiest angst and fluffiest fluff and you also write action and dialogue so well. Your fics have a ton of unexpected turns and are unpredictable, and you have loads of unique ideas which are really fresh and different to read. You don’t seem to believe how good you are, which makes me sad tbqh. I love when I see a tag pop up and get to read something new from you! In particular love your Poe series, You and Paging a Heart, and these Poe one-shots: Just another Benduday Night and Truth or Dare.

@starryeyedstories NOVA. You are pure sunshine. You spread so much positivity and you’re the loveliest human. Your are the Queen of softness and fluff and for comforting and beautifully written fics. Your series, Across the Hall,has taken us all on such a wonderful journey and I don’t want it to ever end. It’s like my happy place! Each chapter is practically a hug with words. Your Din one-shot All of Me is so romantic as well!

@softpedropascal I’m newish in Pedro fandoms but softpedropascal writes wonderfully for Frankie. The dedication to the character is evident, and characterisation wonderful- I can’t wait to read more: Masterlist

@rzrcrst okay, you may know rzrcrst for Pedro fics (which are wonderful) but she also recently started writing for Tony Stark and I’m so happy! 😀🧡 (Fun fact- her url is also the reason I couldn’t spell Razor Crest properly when I finally started writing for Din). She’s currently taking a well-earned tumblr break but fics are still up on Ao3- linked in profile.

@writefasttalkevenfaster​ Please tag me in any of your Star Wars stuff as I swear I keep missing things and I don’t mean to! Masterlist

@galaxy-of-stories​ Maddie, I keep missing things you post but you’re lovely and your writing is awesome. I love your Poe series Over and Over and I think I’ve just spotted a new chapter to catch-up on so lucky me! :D

@who-talks-first Billie, my lovely friend! You’re wonderful to have around on this hellsite. Your dedication to supporting writers in these fandoms is unparelled and you’re an absolute sweatheart, as well as super fun to chat to and thirst with. You have certainly made my experience on this site so much better! And also, your writing? Excuse me? So good. Your Poe fic, The Torture of Small Talk With Someone You Used to Love? Sublime! And the Poe, Naked, Dripping, Locked? So funny! You definitely have a unique style and your writing can be simultaneously edgy, poetic, and moving. ILY!

@xxidontwikeitxx Hope you don’t mind being included, as you haven’t posted your work, but you ARE a writer, and I’m so happy you’ve recently started creating! Again, hope you don’t mind me saying, but I had the pleasure of reading your Marcus Pike blurb, and it’s was so soft and lovely. I really hope - when/if you’re comfortable- you decide share your work, and if not, I hope you keep enjoying the process! Would leave to read more from you in the future!

@shakespeareanwannabe is writing such a heartfelt Santi x OC story (find it here) with sublime characterisation of both Santi and Frankie, AS WELL AS seriously well-rounded and compelling OCs / supporting cast. This series is a key contributor for me falling down a Frankie rabbit role, and my First Dates fic likely wouldn’t exist without it! So excited for more!

Also shoutout to @ollypopp @milleniumvalcon @justrunamok @yourbucky084 who are delightful beings and whose writing I need to catch-up on!I look forward to it!

[autoplaysdigimon]

Top Five Villains

HERE WE GO, THE FUN LIST.

#5 Gatomon

Controversial, maybe, to have her be on the Villains list as well, but she was a villainous character for a while.

I’m a real sucker for a good redemption storyline; failing that, at least a turncoat character. While Gatomon didn’t really commit any real atrocities onscreen to atone for later in the story, she still proved a fun villain while she was one. She was no nonsense, efficient, knew exactly what she was doing... if she’d stayed on Myotismon’s side, she could have been a real force to be reckoned with. One of the things that I’d have really liked to have seen explored more in this series was Gatomon’s time with Myotismon, and how much she’s changed since then.

Plus there’s something so weirdly entertaining about a group of creepy, ominous, obviously evil monsters and then a small white kitty cat who’s just as dangerous as them.

#4 Myotismon

This guy.

When this guy came onto the scene, the entire show changed. Devimon’s arc was fun, if a little generic; Etemon’s was very similar with a different villain, and then Demidevimon’s arc came along and we got a fun, goofy villain who can’t Evil properly. Even so, we knew he was following orders from a higher power, and Myotismon’s eventual appearance changed the dynamic from “Team Rocket Fools Children Repeatedly” to “oh shit an actual vampire is going to kill us”. And then the whole Eighth Digidestined thing happened... Plus, that #aesthetic, amirite? 

To tie into Gatomon’s thing up there, the Eighth Digidestined arc was one of the best of the season, if not the best. Taking the fight to the Real World made it more, well, real. It was fun as hell watching the parents interact with the Digimon, both good and bad, and finding out exactly what the kids had been up to lately. The kids watching their families getting dragged into the fight was TOP. NOTCH. Plus Myotismon actually knew what he was doing as a villain so.

He knew to go after the one kid without protection. He knew how to cut everything off effectively. He did take a shot at some of the kids when they were on their own, instead of thinking only of killing Kari. Death didn’t stop him the first time. Even when he pulled the classic villain “You Have Outlived Your Use” thing and killed his own minions, it was on Digimon who had already turned against him, like Wizardmon, Pumpkinmon, Gotsumon and (arguably) Darktyrannomon.

(No, wait, they’re still alive because he sent them to his Dungeon, isn’t that RIGHT DUB TEAM.)

(Even though pieces of them were left behind and dissolved on their own.)

(No, I’m still not over that.)

#3 Ogremon

Another redeemed villain! I just like them, okay

Maybe it’s just me, but just the act of Ogremon turning good at the end made me like him. He was a little bit generic in the Devimon arc, though at least he had the feud with Leomon to make him interesting. (Any logical reason to that, by the way? Was it just that we had these two Digimon who could fill in the character roles we’d set out for them? Nothing mythological about lions and ogres hating each other or anything? No? Okay then.)

All Ogremon really did in that first arc was serve as the henchman. He made some... interesting choices, and then he was absorbed into Devimon for power. And then he came out of the back of Devimon’s knee. Sure. When Devimon was defeated, he ran screaming off into the distance, shaking his fist and yelling “NEXT TIME, GADGET. NEXT TIIIIME.” The very act of bringing him back when he wasn’t employed by the Big Bad of the moment made him an interesting character, who had to atone for what he did. I’m a sucker for redemption, like I said, and the best part of it is watching them go soft.

Plus, how great is it to have multiple conflicting alliances within a group? When Leomon returned, even though Ogremon was firmly on the Digidestined side now, he had absolutely no problems with trying to immediately murder Leomon. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? They’re rivals, it’s just natural! He’s also kind of a shithead in general, even still.

Also, Ogremon is incredibly hard to draw. I’d just like to bring that up.

Okay, next!

#2 Etemon

HE’S A MONKEY WHO TALKS LIKE ELVIS, NEXT QUESTION.

But for real, Etemon is such a fucking great villain. Great character all around, I’d love a version where he was an ally or something, but how else would we get the trademark Elvis-laugh-turns-into-villainous-laugh thing that Etemon has going?! Come on, that’s great.

Devimon’s villainous style was one of corruption; he wasn’t all that powerful on his own, but by using the Black Gears he could build his own damn forces and control small areas. He only managed to control a handful of Digimon in the end. He was also taken out by a single Digimon in a single one-on-one, though you could argue that the others had weakened him by that point, they hadn’t really.

Etemon’s style was drastically different - he was far more comical, but far more dangerous. His introduction scene involved him panicking over the Digidestined already being in the area. He sang a lot, he cracked jokes, he threw childish tantrums, and again, he was a monkey who sounded like Elvis. There is nothing not awesome about this guy. And yes, he was deadlier - his main attack can undo Digivolutions and leave the Digimon vulnerable as hell. He ended up taking a couple of episodes to take out, only losing because another villain tried to sabotage him in the end.

And coming back partway through the Dark Masters arc as Metaletemon?! FUCK YEAH. Every pun he made, I laughed at and I don’t apologise for that. Even starting a series-wide tradition, he was stylish until the end.

Also he called Ikkakumon a goat that one time.

#1 Demidevimon

T H E  B A S T A R D  O R B

Nobody is surprised that he’s my #1, right? It was a close call between him and Etemon, but ultimately I just like Demidevimon’s arc more. We have Devimon and Etemon, as I discussed above. After that wave of villains who are dangerous because they’re powerful, we have one who is dangerous because he’s just a little bastard.

Demidevimon wasn’t strong. Most villains had their huge beatdown happen in the form of a Digimon Digivolving to Champion, Ultimate or Mega for the first time, Demidevimon had his when Patamon reached Rookie level again. In his debut episode. He was never a threat physically once the kids realised that he was not to be trusted. His arc came right after two arcs of the kids being stranded in this strange world together, only briefly separated - and then everyone was torn apart, and he could manipulate them individually. 

I’ve argued in the past that Demidevimon was a more effective manipulator than even Puppetmon, one of the Dark Masters, and I stand by it. Puppetmon managed to physically manipulate them with the dolls, sure, and he had Cherrymon convince Matt to attack Tai. But, uh, he didn’t exactly have to twist his arm very hard to get that to happen, and that was Cherrymon’s doing anyway. Plus you could argue that physically manipulating someone isn’t much of a social power as it is more a matter of strength. (also Puppetmon is more of a “play with them like toys” type, but still, being a literal puppetmaster, you’d think that manipulation was more of his domain than a BAT.) Demidevimon, however, managed to:

convince TK that Matt didn’t want him as a brother anymore and to ditch Tokomon

 nearly have TK, Tai and Agumon eat poisonous mind-wiping mushrooms

convince Digitamamon to keep Joe and Matt in the restaurant, simultaneously threatening Joe to help keep Matt there and sabotaged them constantly to manipulate them all further

trick Izzy and Tentomon into Vademon’s trap

tell the Gekomon and Otamamon about Mimi’s singing voice, somehow knowing that they’d end up hindering her progress somehow(???)

And, even after knowing that he’s an evil manipulating Digimon, he managed to convince Sora that she’d never manage to activate her crest, causing her to believe it in a self-fulfilling prophecy, even as she worked to sabotage his efforts otherwise.

I mean, apart from all that, I just like Demidevimon as a Digimon. He’s a tiny flying motherfucker and that’s great! He had some of my favourite lines, even his death was kind of tragically funny, and I have a clear bias when it comes to his voice acting, because I just like Derek Stephen Prince. He does it well! I don’t know how Demidevimon closes his eyes like that, though, those appear to be his pupils closing. I don’t even know.

Really, I just find great nostalgia in comical villains. They were all the rage back in the day, especially in children’s media. They’re still around sometimes - Doctor Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb, the Rubies from Steven Universe, the Ice King from Adventure Time, even Team Rocket from Pokemon are thriving still. Good, menacing villains are great and all, but where’s the fun?

Honourable Mentions

Scorpiomon, who probably benefited the most from the dub’s style - his constant cried of “hey, stop it, come baaaack” while chasing Joe and Mimi are more remnicient of a kid trying to get his toy back from the bully who just took it away from him than someone trying to murder children, and that’s just fucking hilarious.

Mimi, when she was briefly an antagonist in that one episode. Just as I really like Heel-Face turns, I really like Face-Heel turns, even temporarily, and even as petty as this whole thing was. It was the perfect trap for her, who just craved the comfort of home, and who could be easily confinced to go for more. And it was the perfect trap because she was the jailor and the jailed at the same time, trapped as long as her own selfishness would allow. It was one of my favourite episodes.

Datamon, who had his own agenda and didn’t care that he was stepping on Etemon’s toes to get what he wanted. Just like Leomon and Ogremon had conflicting alliances on the protagonist’s side, Datamon and Etemon were opposing forces on the antagonist’s side, and multiple villains fighting each other are always fun to see.

Actually, Etemon later fought Puppetmon as Metaletemon, didn’t he? Wow, dude just doesn’t get along with other villains.

Gizamon. Give them more lines, you cowards.

The Dark Masters, as a whole. Just as Myotismon changed the entire tone of the show, these guys took the entire first half of the show and murdered every safe thing about it. They immediately started playing with the Digidestined, fully intending to off them all right then and there as a team. They were competent, for the most part - only failing when they were forced to split up, and their dirty tricks could be dismantled one by one. I’ve never seen a more co-operative group of antagonists, who never tried to dethrone each other and take everything for themselves.

And okay, sure, Kokatorimon. Purely for this.

Dishonourable Mention

Apocalymon.

Look, dude, I’m sorry, you’re cool and everything, but where the fuck did you come from? We killed Piedmon, it’s over, no, wait, here’s one last guy, no wait he’s dead, nevermind. What?

The fact that Apocalymon didn’t get any fanfare before being dropped on the Digidestined without warning made him seem like an afterthought, like the writers forgot their own endgame until they got there. Even if there had been a mention of the effect that caused his existence before he showed up - a “hey, did you know that not every Digimon survives Digivolution? Their data just gets deleted or something,” really would have helped, but even then. 

Apocalymon’s existence in the show really highlights how disjointed the series as a whole is - Devimon has no relation to Etemon, who has no relation to Myotismon, who has no relation to the Dark Masters, who have no relation to Apocalymon. The kids face a constant load of “okay, so we beat this guy and we can go home, right? ...no, maybe this guy??” where every new villain is dropped on the like a hot potato, making their first appearance in less time after their existence is revealed in less time than it takes to heat up said hot potato. Myotismon is the only one who gets any decent buildup before his first appearance before the children, and he’s often said to be the best villain of the show, so see how that works?

Digimon Adventure is the story of a bunch of kids who were brought to the Digital World to take care of one guy, and hey, while you’re here, we’ve also got some sort of demon on this island causing trouble, and there’s this monkey threatening us, and also a vampire, and then these four have joined together... It was a fun adventure, and I love that it could be part of my childhood and my life, but wow it really needed a more cohesive throughline for the story.

I hate to leave this post on a negative note, because it was full of mostly nice things, so here’s another picture of the bastard orb.

Hahahaha, oh you silly little man.

[johnseedfanclub]

microscope, mixtape, ufo, and parachute for Angel please!!

okay....This one’s quiiiiite lengthy sorry about that 😅😅😅

Thanks for the ask! ♥️

Hope y’all like this one~

microscope: zoom in – describe the little, insignificant details about an OC.

Angel loves Thai iced tea and sweet drinks! He only drinks coffee for the caffeine but doesn’t actually like coffee (he prefers his with a lot of sugar/flavoring to cover up the bitter coffee taste)

Angel wishes he could have a pet but is scared he might hurt them with his bad mood swings

He secretly loves and wants plushies. He also has an attachment to them but never admits it because he’s “too old” for them.

His type is brunette, charming, suave, rich/wealthy men (not literally but is a nice add on yk~) , with light colored eyes (coincidentally it sounds like John but he can’t stand him)

Actually acts out/badly for a bit of attention he usually does it for shits and giggles but does it to receive a reaction out of someone whether it be from the person he’s talking to or the audience watching

He actually wishes people gave him more affection and reassurance. He never truly knows how much his friends appreciate him an a lot of times he feels like they don’t much. He doesn’t tell them the truth though because he doesn’t want to come off as jealous, needy or as an “attention seeker”

Likes dressing feminine more than masculine. He absolutely HATES men’s clothing Hawaiian shirts, turtlenecks, tuxedos/formal wear are the only exceptions (he would pretend to like the boxes of men’s clothing he would receive from friends as gifts. Would never even wear them. Maybe once if he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings)

Canonically he is “blonde” but he’s actually a brunette (light brown hair) but likes to dye his hair blonde instead

ufo: identity! what are some key identifying qualities or traits of your OC(s)? how to they identify in regards to gender/sexuality?

Special Qualities: his personality. Angel has a very unique personality compared to everyone he knows. He has this funny, mean/sarcastic, chill vibe to him. He always teases and plays around with his friends, not to mention he’s quite blunt and honest with anyone (even more harsh to people who annoy him). And though he seems like a small angry chihuahua at times, he’s a real sweetheart to everyone. He is never afraid to try anything new, no matter now fucking crazy or dangerous it may be he’s totally down to do it. That’s why both Eden’s Gate and the Resistance fear

Good Traits: He’s comedic (even at the worst times or when you need it), is the best at throwing house parties (even at 30 years old), he can help you with any favor it doesn’t even matter what it is (almost impossible to ask him of something he can’t do), he’ll take care of you when you’re sick/hungover/injured/depressed/having a panic attack, he’s a great cook and willing to share whatever he makes with anyone (if there’s enough), and he’s always generous (a big gift giver)

Bad Traits: He can a bit overly aggressive/rude (sometimes accidentally), he’s bad at remembering/keeping tract of things (he knows everyone’s favorite animal but totally forgets their birthdays and/or names), tends to crack under too much (bad) pressure and become extremely aggressive or violent, holds in his true feelings and emotions, has really bad mood swings, can be easy to piss off, can be too loud (mouthed) at times

Sexuality: Gay (attracted to men)

Gender identity: depends on the way he dresses/his mood normally he prefers he/him/they/them but if he dresses more feminine (wears makeup, tight dresses, feminine accessories) you could call him by she/him, or even they/them. (No pronoun preferences when he cross dresses)

#squad: who’s friends with who? what are the squad dynamics like?

Angel has few friends outside Hope County. The main people he’s friends with are Mary May, Jerome, Staci Pratt, Sharky Boshaw, Hurk Drubman Jr, Adelaide, Faith Seed, the Angel Twins (Jeremiah and Isaiah), the Whitetails, and a few of the peggies of Eden’s Gate

The only squads that Angel are apart of are

Sharky + Hurk = The Bomb Squad

Peggies = Eden’s “Gays”

Angel, Sharky, and Hurk are like the best and worst pairing. They’re all sweet, funny, and humble but can be obnoxious and destructive as FUCK. Anytime they go somewhere to find/finish some mission. It always ends in them leaving a trail of either, fire, gunpowder, or an explosion of some sort (either vehicle, silo, bliss tank, or outpost/building). Don’t even ask or mention what they do for leisure time. More crazy stunts and tricks that could put any normal person with a normal brain in the ER in critical condition. And at the bar? Jesus Christ. They order enough alcohol to kill 5 men but somehow make it through the night. And if they aren’t drinking, they’re sure as hell smoking weed or whatever the fuck Sharky has been brewing in his trailer (it’s most likely a 50/50 chance that you’ll pass out or die from it). They’re definitely one crazy ass group, nothing you would ever even expect, not even out of a crazy...Hollywood...Michael Bay movie. A feminine Latino city gay, an old cheery bomb-rocket enthusiast, and a insane pyromaniac that has a warrant. There definitely isn’t a dull moment with these three. But...you’re good as gone if you’re stuck with them for more than 11 minutes.

Angel and the Eden’s “Gays” are a pretty decent sized group of 6 men (plus the Twins some days) that are the few queer men of Eden’s Gate. Originally they seemed quite closeted because of the cult’s religion and some of its rules. But with Angel around they soon became another loud, obnoxious group of men. Before the whole group was “founded” the original 6 peggies (including John Seed himself) didn’t like Angel at all because of how loud and “out” he seemed (not to mention the carelessness). But as Angel visited the bunkers more often (after he was kidnapped by John) they slowly grew fond of him. Angel would always do kind gestures to learn more about Eden’s followers by helping them with chores, tasks, bringing them food and treats from outside the compound (though he wasn’t supposed to), and even help them find comfort in their own troubles. Though Angel liked a lot of the members he really favored 6 different followers in particular Connor, Michael, Anthony, Jace, and Jefferey (those who were the first followers he interacted with). Now they’re known as Eden’s Gays troublemakers. They sneak out to the Spread Eagle to drink, host secret parties in Hope County, and smoke as well. There isn’t a moment where they aren’t breaking the cult’s rules. They’re the only group of peggies some of the resistance members trust mostly because Angel made a rule of not attacking or harming them and actually enjoy being around. They’re definitely always getting into trouble with both sides too, much like Angel, starting small fights during church/sermons, fooling around on the job, or going around Hope County not to attack the locals but pester the living shit out of them. They almost stop being violent mean peggies and instead just become this goofy comedic group of young men. (Fun Fact: the “Eden’s Gays” were actually a thing before the cult became hostile *during its first few years in Hope County* and John was mostly the “leader” of the crazy group)

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like.

Ohohohooooo~

(The possibilities are endless for this one so I’m sticking to a Baddie playlist he would listen to)

May I ~ Flo Mili

Literal Legend ~ Ayesha Erotica

Yikes ~ Nicki Minaj

I like it ~ Cardi B

Sway With Me ~ Saweetie & GALAXARA

parachute: who does your OC(s) trust the most? who makes them feel safe? who would they do absolutely anything for?

Missy (my U.S. Marshal oc), is one of the few people he trusts the most. During the time from when he was arrested to when he was released out of jail (and transferring to Hope County Jail), she was always like a mother figure to him. And though she was supposed to investigate Angel’s murder and drug charges, she treated him kindly and respect, instead of a criminal. Without Missy, Angel might as well been as good as dead since she was the one that helped him move to a psychiatric ward instead of federal prison after discovering who he really was. Even after he was released, Missy still treated him as if he was her own son. She allowed him to stay at her penthouse apartment when Angel told her his father had disown him and he had no where to go. She always cared about him, made sure he ate, drank water, took care of himself, and even helped him get a better mindset. Though Angel still teases Missy by calling her “Mama Bear (Missy)” or “Mother Goose (or hen)” he’s forever grateful she was always there for him.

[bluepluto03]

mcu spiderman rewrite/au i may or may not do

ok so first quick disclaimer! i do not hate the mcu spider man movies in any way!! i actually enjoy them quite a bit and have seen homecoming like 4 times! and i absolutely adore all the actors in the movies, especially tom, zendaya, and jacob 

but the problem w/ the mcu spiderman movies is,,, they’re just not spiderman. at least from a writing/thematic perspective, which sucks bc so much other stuff about them is great! like tom holland is the perfect peter parker, which is why it seems so close to being right, but with the way the script is actually written... it’s just. not spider-man. 

i feel the need to explain all this/my problems w/ the movies b4 i get into the actuall au idea/plot, so please bear with me for a sec

for context, I’ve loved spiderman my whole life. i’d watch the cartoons when i was younger, and then went back and watched them all again when i was a bit older and figured out how to pirate stuff lol. i didn’t really know how to get into the comics, so i just kinda read wikis and got second-hand info from fanfics and the other movies

to me, spiderman, (at least, peter parker spiderman,) was always about like... a kid, who saw the world was broken and fixed it because he could. he had the power to fix stuff, so he did. 

as a kid w/ mental illness and a not so great home life... that was something really really important to me. to see another kid out there, who’s been through some shit, but finally has the power to make stuff better, so he is! and it would make me think, maybe i can change stuff for the better, someday, if i just get my chance

but,,,,, the problem is mcu peter parker isn’t that. 

instead of becoming spiderman bc he knows there’s bad in the world and wants to fix it, suddenly his motivation is impressing tony stark?? and don’t get me wrong i don’t hate tony, but the way they wrote his and peter’s relationship basically trapped peter. he could no longer be his own hero, bc he was tony’s successor. and that's never who peter parker’s spiderman was?? he was never a follower, he was a trendsetter. he didn’t become spiderman for approval, hell he had dozens of newspapers constantly slandering him. 

honestly the following in someone else’s footsteps thing was always a miles morales thing. he had to step up to the plate and fill the shoes of a spiderman who had already existed for years and was beloved by the whole city. obviously thats not all he is and simplifying his character to that is incredibly obtuse, but i bring it up bc tbh alot of stuff w/ mcu peter parker is just straight-up ripped off from miles morales. like how peter now goes to a fancy private school, is no longer poor (which is a huge thing w/ peter parker’s character in like every other incarnation), has a living father figure, and is bffs w/ ned, who is a straight-up rip off of miles’s best friend ganke. (for the record tho i adore ned and jacob i’m def keeping him in my rewrite,,,, also i’m glad he’s in the movie bc having a plus sized poc protagonist thats not constantly mocked is incredible) 

so, i’m complaining about all this stuff lol but ur probably wondering how exactly how i wanna fix it lol,,,, 

first, give peter an arc thats more than just..... i want tony to believe in me. my idea for that is basically a type of thing where he learns to rely on others! bc like... peter isn’t good at working w/ others lol, he’d much rather do it all himself so no one else gets hurt. (like in the andrew garfield movies where he just,,,, webs his gf to a car so she can’t run into danger lmao) 

the plot would start at a similar ish position to homecoming, though tony never recruits peter for civil war. tbh not sure if it even happened but we’ll disscuss that later

peter’s been spiderman for a few months, after a trip to oscorp left him w/ a radioactive spider bite. currently no one knows about it, and he’s doing a pretty ok job of dealing w/ everything on his own. until he takes down a big bad, lets say rhino for now, and gains a ton of publicity. after stooping a hudge disaster he’s suddenly in the limelight, and catches the attention of one norman osborn, aka the green goblin 

now, quick sidenote. green goblin is genreally seen as pretty goofy, but there are comic versions of him that are legit terrifying. if im being honest i didn’t even know about that version until i read aloneintherains fic birds eating other birds so ig thats kinda ish how i’m imagining this version of norman? though alot more composed, like the man who could someday turn into that 

so norman becomes intrested in my boy peter, and starts sending ppl after him. possibly the sinister 6, but uhh maybe not bc tbh i think this “rewrite” needs to be split into 2 “movies”/works and i might wanna save that for the hypothetical pt2 (btw if i write this it won’t b for a while cause i got other stuff going on but ig if ppl are intrested i might write some snippits/make more content for it) 

so basically the main plot is peter dealing w/ all these big bads on his own, doing ok at first but later getting really fucked up, and eventually revealing himself to ned and mj which ends up being the only way he can save the day in the end. by relying on others! yay!! 

thats it for the main plot, but don’t worry y’all we got other stuff going on too lmao 

so, for one. my boy peter is realizing he has a crush and just,,,, freaking tf out. (i have yet to decide if it’s on ned or mj. or both. sue me) the crush isn’t definitely resolved in p1, but i imagine there’d be some cute thing of him suddenly realizing and freaking out and almost revealing his powers. 

thing 2! tony stark! he is still in here, and still a mentor to peter, but in a pretty drastically different way. one, he doesn't know about peter being spiderman. he doesn't even suspect it lmao. he just gets involved bc of.... some sort of reason bc peter is so smart. do i know why just yet? no. does it matter? probably but i’m writing this pretty late after i had school all day so i’m too tired to care 

bc tony basically gives peter a real internship/mentorship type thing, peter now has access to all this tech!! and all these funds!! fucking lit!! so he changes from his pajama suit to the fancy one, tho he actually built it!! which i feel like him making his suit is a really big really important part of his character. so it doesn't really have all those random things tony added, tho peter might add stuff himself. he gets Karan as a like assistant ai as part of his internship but she never gets put into the suit

for the fist part tony plays a super minor role but like,,,, the first part is about osborn taking an intrest in him, and him confiding in ned and mj. the second part norman is become progressively more dangorus and peter has to fight him and stuff, kinda proving he is strong enough to be spiderman/be trusted to the whole world, beyond just ned and mj. also him actually getting together w/ either one or both of them bc...... bc i want that. 

oh btw idk if tony finds out or not in p2? if he does it’s either at the end or in a scene like the one w/ may bc like. please imagine the shenanigans of peter and ned (who both have high intellegence but low wisdom) in tony’s lab, obviously trying to hide the fact that peter’s spiderman. like he walks in on them and peter looks all frumpy bc he’s been trying to change real fast, and ned’s shirt is messed up bc he just stuffed the mask down the front of it, and mj is just. chilling behing them. so tony just like assumes stuff and is like....aight.... have fun.... 

oh btw the last big change that i didn’t really have anyway to insert natrually into this,,,, so remember how i said ned was kinda a ripoff of ganke? well, the writers claim he’s a “composite character” so i figured, why not give him traits from other famous spiderman side character so he actually is a composite character! 

so like,,,, throughout p1 it’s referenced that ned has a kinda dickish estranged ish dad that he hates and his mom doesn't really like but kinda forces him too... theres some mentions of his dad wanting him to transfer to a private school and being kinda rich, bur he dosen’t want to bc he knows his dad is a total dickead,,,, anyway end of the movie we find out norman osborn is ned’s dad, and ned hates him even fucking more bc it’s like bitch?? u tried to get my (maybe) bf murdered?? tf?? and its lowkey bc he can’t reveal peter’s id, but then in p2 after norman takes matters into his own hands and tries to kill peter on his own ned just fucking yells at him while the man is in jail and is like fuck u lmao 

soooo thats my really messy au idea!! i’m really tired sorry if this is hard to understand or rude! for the record i have nothing against the ppl who adore these movie’s, i just think they could be better! 

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part twenty/

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: Sorry it took a few days! I’m working on the next chapter as we speak. But look at us! I can’t believe we made it to 20!! Feed back is always welcomed!

Warnings: Language, drugs, drinking, super  angsty

Taglist: @brideofdraculana, @xstarryeyes, @miserablecunt, @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies, @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @tiranni, @venus-calum, @justjodeye, @electradestiny, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @dillightfulpickle, @baiabouk, @awesomealmostdopestudent, @madsthegroupie, @martabastic, @romanticvengeance, @motley-queen, @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill, @gees-jacket-slut, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @motlycrue. @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @broke-n-bitchy, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @hopelezz

“You gotta go.” I told Nikki, putting my hand on his bare chest, gently shaking him awake, he groaned as he turned onto his side, “Five more minutes Doll.” He grumbled, making me roll my eyes. I used my strength, shoving him off my, making him land on the floor with a thud.

“That was uncalled for Van, what the fuck.” Nikki replied hastily, as he stood back up, and stretching. I rolled my eyes, watching him put his clothes back on, “What was uncalled for was you showing up here at three in the morning pestering me to give you a blow job.” I replied, sitting up against my headboard.

“I don’t remember you complaining when I was fucking you.” He replied, a smirk on his face as he crawled onto my bed, “Yeah whatever...are you going to Vince’s hearing later?” I asked, he seemed to be pondering on the idea.

“No, probably not.” I tilted my head to the side, “He needs your support, Sixx.” I spoke softly, running my fingers through his hair. “He’s fine without me. He has you and everyone else.” I gave him a small smile, “Plus I know you wanna see your ex.” Nikki said with a laugh as he got off the bed.

“Ha, cause that’s gonna be fucking wonderful.” Sarcasm oozed out of my mouth and he noticed it. “What even happened between you and him?” Nikki asked, and he hasn’t stopped asking about it since he found out who Julian was.

“I have to get ready for work.” I said while getting out of bed, avoiding his question. “I asked you a question Vanity.” He reminded me.

“I heard you...it’s just not any of your business, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.” I explained, my back was turned towards him as I was looking through my closet.

“Did he like cheat on you?” Nikki pondered. I exhaled through my nose, as I was getting frustrated. “Please don’t make me yell at you, it’s only nine in the morning.” I told him, turning around to face him.

“Okay princess, you get your way this time.” Nikki spoke, leaning over to put on his boots. “I’ll see you later?” I asked him, an arrogant smirk was on his face as he approached me, standing toe to toe with me. “I’ll let you know.” He replied, pecking my lips. “Well let me know so I don’t have another guy over.” I told him as he was walking to my door. I had a goofy smile on my face as he stopped and turned around.

“Well...I guess we’ll just have a threesome. Tommy and I have shared multiple girls together.” Nikki shrugged it off, “Just...go.” I said pointing to the door, “I’ll see you later, doll.” Nikki said, closing my door and leaving.

A few hours later it was the end of my shift. I looked up at the clock on the wall, seeing that Vince’s hearing was in about forty minutes,

“Alright I’ll see you at home.” I told Tonya and Lucia, as I took off my half apron, hanging it up on the wall. “Good luck” “Let us know how it goes later tonight.” They both gave me words of encouragement, I simply nodded and left the diner.

My mind couldn’t stop racing as I was driving over to the courthouse. I couldn’t get Julian’s face out of my head, I was hoping I would never, ever have to see him again the moment I left Texas...but yet here we are, it just proves the universe works in a crazy fucked up way.

I also couldn’t stop thinking about Nikki. I couldn’t comprehend why he wouldn’t want to be there for Vince, his so called brother. It really threw me off this morning. I was hoping Nikki would go so I could stay by him at all times and not talk to Julian. I pulled into the parking lot of the courthouse. I stripped out of my work shirt, putting on a blouse, I figured my black leggings were appropriate enough.

I walked around front seeing all the press on the stairs of the entrance, security was trying to hold them back as I noticed Doc was answering their questions.

I walked inside to see Tommy, Mick and Sharise talking among themselves, Julian to be no where in sight. “Where the hell is Sixx?” Tommy asked as he greeted me with a hug.

“I’m not sure, haven’t seen him since this morning. He said he wasn’t coming.” I told them, “That fucking prick.” Mick said while shaking his head disapprovingly. I looked at Sharise and gave her a smile, adding a sympathetic touch on the shoulder.

“I’m gonna go to the restroom before it starts.” I told Tommy, getting a nod of acknowledgment from him.

As I was in the bathroom, I splashed some cold water on my face, then combing my fingers through my hair. Maybe I wouldn’t even have to make small talk with Julian. Maybe I could watch, see what’s gonna happen to Vince and then bail before anything could or will happen. I don’t even know what I would say to him.

I checked myself one more time before walking out, “Oh, sorry I didn’t see you.” I ran into a guy, looking up at him, my heart sunk into my stomach, and then my stomach sunk into the lowest crevice in my body.

I stared at him. His dirty blonde hair was slicked back, his piercing blue eyes were as cold as ice, the corner of his lips were tugging into a smirk. I had a lump in the back of my throat, I couldn’t fucking breathe. It was like I looked into Medusa’s eyes herself and was turned to stone.

“Don’t be sorry sweet thing.” He said as he forcefully pulled me into a hug, not giving me any time to react. His arms felt like a vise grip that was squeezing the life out of me, one of his hands slowly reached down to give my bottom a slight squeeze. He pulled away from the embrace but kept a grip on the side of my shoulders, I wonder if he could feel how tense I was.

“Vanity, it’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you so damn much.” He told me, I couldn’t come up with anything to say, the overwhelming beat of my heart was all I felt throughout my body.

I felt so trapped in the corridor, we were just out of eyesight from Tommy and Mick, if I could just get to them I knew I’d be okay. “I...I need to get to them.” I said quietly, not daring to look him in the eyes.

“We can go together.” Julian replied, letting go of my arms and resting his hand on the small of my back as we walked over to them, I wanted to run from him, his touch made me sick to my stomach.

I had my arms wrapped around my sides, giving me my own personal hug as I felt so small and exposed to the world.

Why couldn’t Nikki be here?

“Look who I ran into.” Julian expressed as we walked up to them, “Now’s not the time for catching up.” Mick spoke out, “Hey, no need to be stressed, we got this alright?” Julian reassured, “Shut up, you fucking tot. You better know what the fuck you’re doing.” Mick retorted, a small chuckle coming out of me as Julian’s demeanor changed. “I do know what I’m doing, that’s why Vanity called me, right sweet thing?” He said, resting his rough hand around the back of my neck.

I moved away from his touch, looking at Mick with pleading eyes, thankfully he noticed, “Let’s just go.” Mick said putting his arm out and gently leading me away from him.

“He’s very touchy.” Mick leaned his lips into my ear, speaking softly, “It’s fine.” I told him as my skin felt like it was on fire.

We walked into the court room, Vince turned around, waving as best as he could with handcuffed wrists. Sharise was instantly brought to tears as Tommy tried to console her.

“I’m gonna kick Nikki’s ass when I see him.” Mick told me as we sat down in the back, shortly the session began.

I let out a huge sigh of relief as the judge got up from the chair, the jury shortly following. In some way, shape and form, Vince would be a free man after thirty days in the county jail, I couldn’t believe it. Julian had used his charm and his slick way with words to basically give him a get out of jail free card.

Vince was quickly allowed to give us all a hug before he was taken away, “Where’s Sixx?” He asked, I just shook my head and gave him a weak smile.

“I’ll see you soon.” Julian said to Vince, as Vince gave him a huge hug, thanking him without having to use his words because that would diminish his pride.

A police officer took Vince away, “How did you even manage that? Only thirty days? I don’t believe it.” Tommy was shocked as much as we all were, “What can I say? I have a way with my words.” Julian said, his eyes quickly darted to me, “Man, let’s go back to the house and fucking celebrate.” Tommy said, wrapping his arm around Julian’s broad shoulders.

“Common Van!” Tommy shouted, pulling me to his side as we walked out of the courtroom.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. I could slowly feel myself zoning out from the real world. Has time stopped yet?

“Vanity.” Mick snapped me out of my thoughts, gently tugging me away from Tommy, him and Julian continued chatting. “Are you doing okay?” Mick asked, a concerned look plastered across his face, “Yeah, I’m good Mick.” I said, putting my hand on his chest, giving him a reassuring smile.

I knew he didn’t believe me, as the same stoic look never left his face, “Y’know you’re a horrible liar...you haven’t been very good at it for as long as I’ve known you.” He replied, I bit my lip as I felt the unbearable lump in the back of my throat come to life again.

“I....Julian...he just...” Mick intently watched as I stuttered over my words. “It wasn’t good was it?” He questioned, finally I looked him in the eye, “It was bad, so fucking bad, Mick.” I told him, feeling the burning sensation in my eyes.

“I knew he would help you guys out, that’s the only reason I called him. I didn’t want anything to happen to the band.” I wiped my face with the palm of my hand.

“Vanity, fuck the band. Don’t ever fucking put your happiness aside for someone else, look at you. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Mick responded, but I was quiet.

“You let me know if he tries anything, you got it?” He warned, I quickly nodded. “Common dudes! Let’s go!” Tommy walked up to us as Julian was on the phone, steadily keeping his eyes on me.

*a few hours later*

“Give it up Tommy, you lost yet again.” I said, wiping the remaining beer from lip. Him and I have been shotgunning beers back to back, seeing who could finish first and like always, I always came out victorious.

“Fuck that, I’m not loosing to a girl.” Tommy said, putting another beer can in my hand.

“If I win, you gotta do coke off her tits.” Tommy said, pointing to the busty groupie that had been on his hip all night, “Fine, and when I win of course?” I questioned him.

“If you win, I’ll do coke off her tits.” Tommy replied with a boisterous laugh, there was never a dull moment with him, plus I think he would of done coke off her tits even if he didn’t loose anyways.

“Ready, set-“ She was interrupted when Nikki shoved her out of the way, taking the beer from my hand, “Hey dickhead! That’s mine!” I shouted, “T-bone, if I loose, I’ll do coke off of Vanity’s tits, and if you win you can do it to her.”

Both mine and Tommy’s eyes almost popped out of our skulls, “Um no you won’t!” I told him, “Wanna bet?” Nikki replied with a smile on his face, “Fuck yeah dude! You’re on!” Tommy agreed,

“Tommy!” I was in disbelief, but still trying to suppress my laughter, “Better start taking off that shirt Doll!” Nikki teased.

“Ready, Go!” Tommy chimed off as they both began to shotgun the beers.

Apart of me was wanting Nikki to win, but the other part of me was wanting Tommy to win because the dissatisfaction that Nikki would have would be priceless.

“In your fucking face T-bone!” Nikki yelled over the blaring music as he crushed the can and threw it at his bare chest. “Yeah, Yeah whatever.” Tommy replied giving Nikki the middle finger.

“A bet is a bet Van...chop, chop.” Nikki turned his attention me as he pulled a vial of white powder out of his pocket.

“You’re lucky we’re friends.” I told him as I took off my shirt leaving me in a red lacy bra. I hopped up on the pool table, laying on my back as Tommy and Nikki stood over me.

“Don’t make T-bone suffer, he can have some fun too.” I smirked, looking at Tommy whose eyes were as huge as a kid walking into a candy store for the first time.

Nikki put a line of coke across my chest, Tommy held one nostril closed as he snorted it off of me making a laugh come out of me. He trailed his finger across my breast to collect the remaining residue before licking his finger. “Fuck yeah dude!” Tommy yelled, running his fingers through his long curly hair.

Nikki gave me a smirk, he evened out a bigger line across my chest, he quickly snorted it up before dragging his tongue across my body to collect the rest of the dust, sending shivers down my spine.

I bit my lip, as his lips trailed up to my neck before putting them on my own and planting a kiss.

“Well what’s going on here?” I detached my lips from Nikki’s, tilting my head back and seeing an upside down Julian.

I pushed on Nikki’s chest to move away from him, sitting up from my previous position on the pool table. Nikki stood in between my legs, as he eyed Julian. They haven’t officially met yet. “Julian, right?” Nikki said, quickly looking at me. I gave him a nod of affirmation.

“Yeah man, nice to meet you.” Julian extended his arm to Nikki for a handshake. “Nikki.” He replied, firmly grabbing his hand.

“Vanity...does your mom know what you’re up too?” Julian asked, but I ignored him, “Yeah, man she knows only cause I told her myself .” Nikki laughed, placing his arm around me.

“So is he your boyfriend Vanity?” Julian asked, “No, even if he was it isn’t any of your business.” I snapped at him, turning my head to the side to look at him, but I immediately regretted it.

I saw that cold, unbending look in his eyes when I spoke out against him. As long as I had someone in between us, I could say whatever I wanted to him, right?

“So now you just let any guy touch you? When did you turn into such a whore?” Julian said, “Hey man watch your fucking mouth.” Nikki fought back, stepping away from me.

I quickly grabbed his arm as Nikki walked over to him, “Nikki, please don’t.” I begged him as I tried pulling him back.

“You’re sipping on my fucking booze, at my fucking party, getting a paycheck from my fucking band and you wanna disrespect my girl?” The bass in Nikki’s voice had dropped, and I was trying my best to keep him away from Julian. My eyes scoured the party for Mick or Tommy but I couldn’t see them anywhere.

“Your band would be dead if it wasn’t for me.” Julian said. I recognized the drunk anger oozing out of him.

“Nikki he’s drunk, he doesn’t know what he’s saying.” I told him, but his gaze was fixated on the man behind me.

“Your girl? Please...” Julian continued, his words were slurred, “She knows deep down, she’ll never be able to forget me. The way I made her feel, she ever tell you about me?”

I felt Nikki ease up a tad when I wrapped my hand around his bicep and stood next to him, “She doesn’t talk about you, so how about you tell me why she won’t tell me.” Nikki demanded.

“Alright man, I fucking loved her, I still do love her. And when she called asking for my help, I just couldn’t tell her no.” I rolled my eyes as complete udder lies escaped his lips.

“She was the the love of my life, I just wanted her to be happy with me. But she’s so accustomed to a certain life style, nothing I ever did was good enough for her, and God damnit Vanity I tried to give you the world.” I glared at him as he was lying straight to my face, but most importantly he was lying to Nikki.

“Back then, I didn’t have the money or the power her parents would want from a man to be with their daughter.....she was spoiled rotten growing up, some would call her a brat. But I still wanted her, and then I got her and that still wasn’t enough for her.” I scoffed, “Oh Julian stop fucking lying!!” I shouted at him, “Vanity.” Nikki sternly said my name, “Sixx, you can’t possibly start believing this absolute bullshit that he’s saying.” I replied, stepping away and gawking at him, but he didn’t say anything to me, instead his attention went back to him.

I couldn’t fucking believe Julian would stand here and feed him these lies. But then again, I could believe it.

“See Nikki, Vanity just loves to play the victim, it’s what she’s good at. I took a lot of her verbal abuse at times all in the name of love. And yeah I’m not gonna lie to you, we would argue sometimes, but I was never able to control her...her anger would just blow through the roof.” He continued with his charm, I could tell Nikki was buying this.

“And then one night I came home, and found her in bed with another man.” Nikki moved away from me, staring at me in disbelief. “You fucking son of a bitch!” I lunged at him, starting to shove his chest, “You lying fucking bastard!!” I screamed in his face, while grabbing his cup of scotch out of his hand, throwing the liquid in his face.

Nikki quickly grabbed me, pulling me away, “Let go of me! I’m gonna fucking kill you Julian!!” Nikki wouldn’t let me go as I was frantically trying to kick Julian.

I was seeing red at this point, “She was on top of him, his hands were on her body, she was moaning his name instead of mine in my own fucking house, in my bed.” I could see the hateful smile that Julian was trying to hide from Nikki.

“Knock it off!!” Nikki shouted at me as pushed me away from him. His whole attitude towards me has changed.

“No, no...Nikki.” I said, putting my hands on the sides of his face, trying to get him to look at me. My heart was fucking breaking for some reason, even if him and I were just each other’s casual hook up I couldn’t have him believing Julian.

“So you do hop from one guy to the next! Guess that was a fucking lie too!” Nikki shouted as he aggressively removed my hands from him. “No, no, no....Nikki he’s lying! He’s lying about everything.” I tried consoling him but to no avail.

“I thought you were different, but you’re the same as the rest of these fucking skanks in here.” Nikki growled, shoulder checking me as he walked past me, disappearing somewhere into the crowd.

My attention turned to Julian as he started laughing, “I guess I hurt your boyfriends feelings, huh?” Julian continued to laugh at himself, “You son of a bitch.” I said, raising my hand up to slap him. Almost instinctively, he grabbed my wrist blocking the hit, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. How about we go somewhere a little bit more private.” Julian said, his grip on my wrist becoming tighter as he dragged me away from the party.

[dafukdidiwatch]

U.S.S INDIANAPOLIS: MEN OF COURAGE

Nick Cage mixed with WW2 and sharks. What can possible go wrong?

Answer: Everything

Nick Cage has just an attraction to me. I have known him for so long since I was little, I can’t tell if he is a good actor or if it was nostalgia. All I know is if there is a Nick Cage film, it is going to have that Nick Cage charm. And BOY HOWDY, this movie has it.

Let’s go with backstory first.

This movie is based on the incredible and horrific events that happened to the U.S.S Indianapolis, a Naval Ship during World War 2. It was sent on a secret and dangerous mission to deliver parts for the construction of the Atomic Bomb. However, on their way back a Japanese Submarine sunk it with a torpedo, leaving the survivors stranded alone in the middle of the ocean for 4 days filled surrounded by sharks who would attack the dead, injured, and living. Out of the almost 12,000 sailors aboard, only 300 would survive, making this the worst naval tragedy in U.S. Navy history.

And they made this movie.

Not going to lie, I was stupidly judgy through this movie. I mean, I tried goddammit, to watch and enjoy it straight. But I couldn’t help it. I care about this history. I’m fasinated by this bit of history, the horror and pain the sailors when through. This is THE Greatest Shark Attack in history. I was judgy because I wanted this movie to respect the event and tragedy that had happened, to do the survivors justice. And they tried.

God did they tried.

The problem is that they didn’t do it well.

Let me start with the good things about this movie.

1) Nick Cage was pretty Good

He plays Captain Charles B. McVay of the Indianapolis. There is still a bit of hokiness that comes from Nick Cage being Nick Cage. One is him talking to himself while writing a letter to his wife in the weirdest way possible. Another is the fact that his sunglasses makes it look like his eyes are closer to his forehead. But he does the role well I think. He makes sure to show that Captain McVay cared for his men, put their safety ahead of his own, did everything he can to help. I thought he did a good job.

2) They were respectful in the representation of the Japanese Submarine Crew.

The movie could have just not even show the submarine until the ship sinks, but no, we actually get to see the crew. We see the Captain Hashimoto dealing with the struggles of fighting their side of the war. How he cares for his crew, and how they will lay down their lives for the fight. The ship was sunk by Kaiten Torpedoes, basically an underwater version of Kamakazi pilots. They were manned torpedoes, so you see the men loading themselves in to be launched. So while the main focus is on the Indianapolis, it is nice they tried to be empathetic to the Japanese crew as well.

3) The side-characters were interesting enough.

With a historical story like this, the best way is show the movie is to let the audience see all the possible people that were serving on the ship. You see two best friends fall in love with the same girl. Two guys who were enemies and in jail together. A guy with a gambling addiction. The lovable engineers that you see up above. The brand new green commander who is a bit of a dick. My favorite one is the writer sailor. He writes what he sees and tries to bolster people up with his stories. Like, there is a lot of characters so even if you don’t like one plot-line, there are others you can enjoy. They may act goofy/overly dramatic at times, but the actors did a good job for you to root for them.

With that out of the way, things I didn’t like.

A) The cgi was too basic and shit in places

I wish, I WISH I can find a better picture to show what I mean. When we were watching, even my sister were going back and forth on whether it was good or not. Everything that was cgi was just weirdly too smooth. Like really look at it. It looks more like graphics for a video game. Which, is passable. But you can’t have passable for a movie. This movie came out in 2016! We have the technology for a hell of a lot better images than template models. At that was the better cgi. Because when the cgi is bad, it is glaringly obvious bad.

B) The Editing Kills Me.

They have a weird sense of pacing in this movie. When you hit the middle part of the movie, it’s fine. Decent moments of the sailors goofing around, hving drmatic romance, fights, struggles. But there are some parts of the movie where someone in the editing room was like “Oh shit, the people watching this won’t understand. Quickly! Put out that exposition as fast as you can!!”

An Example: the first 3 minutes of the movie. Minute 1: BATTLE! Ok, good, see our historical men in action. Minute 2: We are in a war council room where the Indianapolis has been chosen for a secret mission. “You mean the atomic BOMB?!” -> Basically the line used. And this was BEFORE meeting ANY of our main cast. So it felt like the movie was putting more emphasis on the ship rather than the sailors. 

It also didn’t help the movie Felt like it ended when the survivors were rescued, but didn’t Actually end for another 20-30 minutes longer. I appreciate them going in for historical accuracy of showing the actual aftermath to Captain McVay, but by that point I was so done and bored that I didn’t really care.

Plus they keep using the same periscope tracking shot 7 times! Seven! In the same scene. TWICE!! When the Japanese were firing in daytime, we see the same daylight periscope 7 times before launch. Then when they fired a torpedo at night, LET’S DO THE SAME THING since it went so well the first time.

B) The ship sinks titanic style, the fuck is that?? 

Not going to lie, while I am facinated by the Indianapolis, I do not know everything about what exactly happened. One of them was how the ship sank. But I am pretty sure the ship did not sink in the Exact Same Way as the Titanic. Where one side is lifted up, then got cracked in the middle, and so it was split into two parts. It was, it was bad. Because this tied in to the whole repeating shots thing, because I saw the same man holding onto a pole trying not to drop 5 different times. The Same Exact Scene. No difference. And I’m sure he fell in the exact same way as in the Titanic Movie shots.

(Note:The jail cell sailors during this part were very good, but I still have No Idea how the hell they got out. Let me know if you figured it out)

C) The Sharks were S H I T!

This is basically where the whole meat of the story should have taken place, nd it was AWFUL! Trash! They were stupidly inaccurate, trying to go for Jaws Chomp factor instead of being anywhere near historical. The sharks were all Great Whites, which wasn’t a thing. Because the sharks that historically attacked were Oceanic Whitetips.

But ok, you could get pass. The sharks look similar enough at first glance so it would be an honest mistake. Except that sailors were specifically talking bout “Great White Sharks” with colored pictures of great whites, (which think about that for a minute) so that was bullshit. in making the audience think Great White.

But ok, so what, who cares, the sharks still does it’s things right? Why should we care if they got the type wrong or not?

^Because of Shit like This!! This movie decided to try and shittily mimic Jaws and the Jaws ripoffs by having crappy cgi sharks launch itself out of no where to stupidly chops on the nearest sailors. God you could make a drinking game out of it. Take a shot for every shark you see. Which won’t kill you, because there were NOT ENOUGH SHARKS!!

^The sharks should have been like this. The sailors literally should have been like waist deep in sharks. There were a lot of fucking sharks. And yet! There weren’t any. The sharks only decided to freaking rocket launch themselves out of the water when it’s time for a jump scare, on any old person they can fine. And maybe the reason they decide to throw themselves to the nearest pound of flesh instead of going for the closest dead body is because

D ) THERE WERE BARELY ANY SURVIVORS!!!

Seriously! When the ship sank there were 800 sailors left in the water, We only see 60. TOTAL! Not even random background sailors. It was just Nick Cage’s group, then a separate group of 30 people, and random boats here and there.  God how could they have fucked this up! I don’t know if it was just, not in the budged to hire more people or what, but you can still get somebody. Show the survivors dammit!

It pisses me off because this could have easily solved their shark problem. Because if there were more people, you can see the sharks eat/take the dead bodies. Then when there is a ton more sharks, see them go after the injured and dying. Like, having screams constantly while sharks pick people off left and right, even if it is just background characters, would build so much more tension than just “guys have a good laugh, talk, and support each other, send the shark for the jumpscare.”

I will give the movie this though: While I feel like the majority of the ending was unneeded, I do respect that they have little end-cards for what happened to the character’s historical counterparts, as well as come footage of some of the survivors describing the experience.

Overall: Don’t watch it. If you wanted to watch it for the actual historical event, watch something else. They made note of smaller historical facts while completely screwing up the actual main event with the sharks. You can find better documentaries Here, Here, Here, Here, and Here. The last one has a clip of the special that I I saw originally and while you do have to pay to see it (Here), it is very well done.

And If you want to watch a “so bad it’s good movie” then maybe it fits the bill, but I just honestly don’t think it’s worth it. The editing and pacing will give you whiplash. The CGI takes you out of the zone.  Nick Cage tried his best, but not even his enjoyable presence could save the film. They make for a great movie to rag on, but having it be on an actual historic event like this just leaves a bad taste in my mouth

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 12):

Favorite episodes in chronological order:

12:3 The Foundry - Mylings! Nuff said. And I knew it as soon as I heard the baby cry. And that makes me feel good about me.

12:4 American Nightmare - Stigmata. Dean dressed as a priest getting stuck looking at a boy lighting a candle in the church. Mr Mess: ”Dean! Time and place!” Sam wasting his sensemaking on a relentlessly angry Dean as usual, but then laying the hard truth on the crazy lady - is it hot in here?

12:5 The One You’ve Been Waiting For - Nazi dirtbags! Referencing one of the great episodes of season 8 too. Good. Good. And Allison Paige is friggin’ beautiful! Nauhaus is such a spoofy villain I think this is a comedy. ”Do you know what it’s like to have en nazi necromancer as a father?” ”He had a guy named Fritz try to kill me!” GOLD.

12:6 Celebrating the life of Asa Fox - badass-intro. And Jody. Hunter community! Canadian hunter community! Here for it. Bucky, or as I like to call him: demon nr 5 from early season.... single digits.

12:7 Rock never dies - Loving this glam-metal thing. Crowley in LA. And omg! Cass being snarky with Dean of all people. ”Atleast I don’t look like a lumberjack.” I laughed. And Mr Mess pointed out that Cass is tired, that that’s why he snapped, and it dawned on me that Cass is *choosing* to be kind under normal circumstances. My heart! ”I work for sexists, rasists, even politicians.” Lol. Loving the group dynamic of the four. But I’m a bit disappointed that Lucifer can’t chill, he could have had so much fun.

12:11 Regarding Dean - A goofy Dean episode. That’s rarely bad news. I like Rowena in this, she’s rly growing on me.

12:15 Somewhere between heaven and hell - Honesty’s the best policy, signed, Dean. Hear, hear! ”So, ten years ago did you rly want something? Like, a Hello Kitty backpack or the death of an enemy?” Lol! Dean and Crowley and Lucifer breaking free! Dean is a hoot this episode. Sam, killing the hellhound like a pro, and thanking Crowley. And Crowley kicking Lucifer’s ass. That’s the stuff. And Sam being honest with Dean and Dean being all reasonable about it! Loving it!

12:16 Ladies drink free - Claire! Nuff said. Loving everyone this episode, except Mick of course, but my homicidal thoughts at the sight of his beard have lessened. ”The experiment was on mice.” Werewolf-mice! XD

12:17 The british invasion - Eileen! God this show needs more women, the brothers are so much better dealing w them, which I guess is a problem on its own. ”Make your voice a mail.” Oh Cass. Eileen and Sam! My heart! Am I shipping this? God I hope not, it’ll mean instant death. God, Mick is an idiot, I mean, I’m obv digging his change of heart, but apparently he hasn’t learned a thing in the entire life he’s worked for his fucky organization.

12:18 The memory remains - Goodness. Loving this intro. Taxidermist sheriff. Man, sometimes I feel these quirky characters are wasted on the just-passing-through format. ”Hunting people! Killing them! The family business!” Lol.

Fail episodes in chronological order:

12:1 Keep Calm and Carry on - ”You’re bad at your job.” Sure, she has a point, but as generous as this british chick’s offer is, her pitch is somewhat lacking. A torture montage is the quickest way to wind up on the fail list. Also ”break his mind”? That’s what it’s like inside Sam’s head *all* the time.

12:2 Mamma Mia - A sexscene featuring Dean Forrester is the second quickest way to wind up on the fail list. You say his name is Sam Winchester? Nah. Nope. Not buying it. Listen, I know I talk a tall game about being a big Sam-fan, I just don’t ship him with a.n.y.o.n.e. So what the sexscene isn’t real!? I still had to see it with my own orbs of sight. ”Your job was to find american hunters and gain their trust.” I’m howling! Maybe *you’re* rly bad at your job, lady!

12:10 Lily Sunder has some regrets - uhm... using demon number 5 to play other randos throughout a 15 season show I’ll forgive them for but you can’t use the same distinct actor (Ian Tracey) to play two distinctly different characters (Lee/Ishim) and not acknowledge it, especially when they could easily explain it as Lee’s body being possessed by Ishim. It ruins the whole episode for me. Also, I’m rooting for the ”bad” guy.

12:14 The raid - The british men of letters are the worst, they are worthless recruiting agents, salesmen and got crappy intel; where the Winchesters go the rest of the american hunters will follow? Pretty sure the opposite is true: ”Oh shit, the Winchesters are joining ’em? Better stay as far away from that shit as possible!” Also Mary’s being more than a little silly and I’m surprised Sam didn’t give her some speech about how he used to aim for big things like killing the devil, closing the gates of hell, before learning to settle for more realistic goals, like, staying alive, keepin your brother alive, savoring the occasional win, y’know, for the sake of your mental health. Anyhoo; Sam’s reaction on finding out Mary gave the Colt to the british men of letters might have been enough put it on the fave list but there are just so many icky characters and so many shots of Mick’s ugly beard I can’t let it slide. Plus Sam winds up joining these assholes. Boooohhhh!

12:20 Twigs & twine & Tasha Banes - Jeez. Petition to have Dean always justify his icky feelings about something w the Star Wars classic ”i got a bad feeling about this.” It would save time and my sanity. Also I have issues w Mary not being reasonable and understanding the basics about the life she and the boys are leading - you’re in or out, but there’s no finishing it w/o finishing yourself. Is this season’s big bad trying to annoy me to death? And the other hunters? What is it with this show and any other fun or awesome characters? Sorry, can’t keep ’em on, it’s a density-thing.

12:21 There’s something about Mary - Booohh! First Eileen, my bae (did I call it or did I call it?) and then the entire episode is full of The Big Annoying. First episode I didn’t bother finishing. Screw this season.

12:23 All along the watchtower - honestly I don’t get the constant jokes about IKEAs manuals, they’re all pictures, you don’t even need to be able to read to read them. Crowley <3 Plz spare me this show’s take on child birth, really just any show, (how is it possible that it’s so frickin’ hard to get right??), but especially this show’s. And Crowley. And Cass. And Mary. Such an intense bummer.

Honorable mentions:

Crowley blowing up Rowena’s scammer! And Rowena’s reaction! ”That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me!” Covered in blood. Priceless.

Cass and his sass is on this season. He’s so done w everyone. The exasperation!

The hug at the end of 12:22.

Dishonorable mentions:

Dean and Sam making a deal to get out of jail, kinda unepic w a predictable outcome.

Mediocre mentions:

The entire episode Stuck in the middle (with you) - It’s a Reservoir Dogs reference right? And it works very well until you realize that, then you just start missing Tarantino’s poignant dialogue about tipping (not fucking!) your waitress. The return of the yelloweyed bloodline. Bound to happen with Mary back. Don’t care about that but I do care about Crowley being back and being awesome. The Dukes of Haphazard. That’s good, I’ve just been referring to them as the Two Stooges.

The episode Who we are - There are separate aspects of this I like: Dean and Sam blasting their way out of the bunker, Jody and Alex, Dean dreamwalking Mary back home. Ackles is a genius with this sort of thing. But it’s just so silly: The british men of letters are just so unepic, it ruins everything, wraps it in a mediocre blanket: They’re bad at their job, have inexplicable motivations, are such annoying stereotypes the only way this would be a win would’ve been if Sam’s speech went something along the lines of ”I’ve had this fly buzzin’ around my ear all year, I could use your help squashing it.” But at least, then they do.

Summing up:

I’m rly enjoying the warped relationships early in the season. Crowley and Cass. Rowena and Lucifer, Rowena and Crowley. Sam, Dean and Mary. But my usual creed about the gooey middles of seasons doesn’t hold true this time and I rly feel like it gets good only when it’s almost over. And honestly on whole the season is the worst so far. The british men of letters are so annoying and they’re everywhere, tainting everything. Ugh.

[incorrectdeceptionquotes]

A Bundle of Secrets Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Cameron walked back into the archive with a goofy love-struck grin on his face. “Did you and Kay finish your little make out session?”

Cameron gave Jonathan a look, “Really? Really?”

“Well, you walked out with her alone and it took a while for you to simply walk her to her car.”

“Where are the others?”

“Dina’s gone off to get some groceries so she walked Mike out and Gunter and Jordan are debating on what to feed Farrah for dinner.”

Cameron smirked, “Really? They’re debating about baby food now?”

“Well, Jordan is still after his twenty bucks and thinks that she would like sweet potatoes more than carrots.” Johnny smirked as he bounced Farrah up and down in his arms. He smiled as the child giggled and tried kicking her legs, “I think you want to walk, don’t you?”

Jonathan kneeled on the floor as he had Farrah grip his hands as he held her upright. Cameron took out his phone, “I gotta get this.”

Farrah wobbled a bit as she moved her right leg forward a bit. “It’s okay Farrah, you can do this. It’s just practice.” Jonathan said as Farrah moved her left leg, “If you can’t do it yet, we can always try again later. I’m right behind you.” Farrah started taking tiny steps as Johnny shuffled slowly behind her just in case she fell back. She smiled at Cameron before she bent her knees and sat back down.

Cameron smiled as he saved the video, “I think we just captured her first steps.”

“Well, we still haven’t looked through all of Shawn and Fiona’s home videos but... I think so too.” Johnny said, picking up his niece off the floor, “Think she can talk?”

“Well, she isn’t even a year old yet but maybe she can say something.” Cameron held out his hand and his niece grabbed his index finger, “Farrah, do you think you can say something?”

Farrah only smiled at both uncles. Jonathan thought for a moment, “Cam, can you get a photo of Shawn and Fiona from the table.” Cameron nodded as he took Shawn and Fiona’s wedding photo and brought it over, Jonathan took the photo and smiled, “They really look happy.”

“They do.”

Johnny brought the photo closer for his niece to see, “Hey Farrah... do you know who this is?”

Farrah let out a happy-sounding noise when her eyes caught the photo. She placed a hand on the photo, “Mama.”

Cam gave a sad sigh, “Yeah Farrah... that’s your mama.”

Her little hand moved from Fiona’s face to Shawn’s face, “Dada.”

Jonathan gave a deep sigh, “The fact that she knows they’re her parents makes this even harder. What if when she gets a little older, she calls out for Mama or Dada... what do we do then?”

Cameron gave a deep breath, “I don’t know...”

Just then, Dina walked back in with a bag of groceries and there was a concerned look on her face. Jonathan spoke up, “Dina? Are you okay?”

“Uh... I’m not sure.” She set the groceries down and looked to Cameron, “Cameron, didn’t you walk Kay out?”

Cameron furrowed his brows in confusion, “Uh, yeah. I walked her to car, we said good night,” Johnny gave him a look, “...Multiple times. Then I came back inside. W-why do you ask?”

“Well, as I was coming back, I noticed that... Kay’s car is still parked outside but... Kay’s nowhere near it.”

Cameron eyes widened as he ran past his friend and rushed back out the door. When he got outside, he saw that Dina was right, Kay’s car was still here but she was nowhere to be seen. Kay had just been here, where was she? “Kay?” He called out, “Kay?”He went over to the side of her car where they had said their good nights when his eye caught the side mirror. He took a closer look at it; it had been bent down slightly, almost like something had fallen on it. His eye then fell to the paper under the windshield wiper. He walked over and picked up the note. When read it, his breath became shaky, “K-Kay... N-no... No!”

The next morning, Kay woke up with a pounding headache. She suddenly became aware of her surroundings. She was in some sort of basement room with two tiny windows as the only source of light. She managed to stand up and tried to walk towards the light of the windows but after a few steps, she felt a tug on her arm holding her back.

She looked down and found that her left wrist had a tight cuff around it and a long chain connected to the wall, “What the-”

“A bit old fashioned but it does the job.” Kay turned to see the mystery woman standing by a door, “Plus I find these cuffs to be far more effective than the modern type ones that the law enforcement uses.”

Kay knew trying to pull off the cuff was futile, “Why the hell am I here?”

“Well, to answer your question, you’re here because you’ll be the insurance we need.”

“Insurance?”

The mystery woman shrugged, “Well, you see, you might not be aware that Cameron didn’t steal the Links Diamond because of you-”

“I’m aware.” Kay said as she stayed standing trying to glare at the woman but it was difficult to given the bad lighting.

The mystery woman raised her eyebrows, “Are you? Well, that doesn’t change much. It only changes the fact you are now fully aware that Cameron... well, he’s willing to do more for you than you might think.”

Kay shook her head, “Why? Why do this at all? Why did you ruin Cameron and Jonathan’s lives?”

“Jonathan and I met as children in Reykjavik. We were fast friends.” Kay stood silent as the woman explained the story, “When I saw the chance to enter back into his life, I took it.”

“Reykjavik?” Kay thought for a moment, “Cameron told me about how you mentioned Reykjavik when you kidnapped him.” The mystery woman stayed silent as Kay’s eyes widened with realization, “Cameron was the one you had planned on framing for murder. He was the one meant to go to jail. You had no idea that it was Jonathan you had... become friends with. You didn’t know it was Jonathan you were looking for.”

“Well, none of that matters now. Jonathan clearly doesn’t care for and after spending a few weeks with him... I’ve outgrown him. Turns out we aren’t the kindred spirits I thought we would be” The mystery woman said raising an eyebrow.

“So then you ruined his life and almost tore Cameron and Jonathan apart... for nothing?”

The mystery woman raised both her eyebrows this time, “Oh, don’t give me that look. If anything, you should be thanking me.”

“Thanking you?”

“Well, of course. I mean, think about it. If it wasn’t for me, you and Cameron might have never even met.”

Kay didn’t dignify that statement with a response, “Why did you kill Shawn and Fiona?”

“Oh, I never said I did. I’m just trying to help my employer gain access to that adorable little girl you’ve all seem to have fallen in love with.”

Kay felt her anger rise, “You stay from her! She is just a child! An infant!” Kay would do anything to protect that Farrah. She couldn’t help but love that sweet little girl.

“Aww, looks like that child brings out a maternal side of Kay... it actually makes me respect you a little bit more.”

“Who’s your employer?”

“Bennett Blanc of course. He wants access to his granddaughter.” Saying it like it was obvious.

Kay became extremely confused, “But he and his wife made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with her.”

She shrugged, “Well, in their defense, they had no idea that one of the agents was deeply connected to the case. When they found out, Bennett knew he would have to get rid of you all in order to get to his granddaughter.”

“Why? Tell me. Now!” Kay said, raising her voice with that last word.

The mystery woman’s face scrunched up, “You know, without your gun, you’re actually not that scary.” The mystery woman said as she opened the door, “Don’t worry. Bennett has no intention hurting the baby. He just wants her returned where she belongs.”

Kay suddenly felt rage build up inside her, “If you touch one hair on Farrah’s head, I will kill you myself.”

The mystery woman took one last look at the agent, “You know, it really is sweet how much you care in the short time you’ve seen her. I honestly wish that my mother had been more like you.” She motioned for a couple of people to come in, “I almost feel bad for what’s about to happen.”

Kay suddenly felt a twinge of fear rise to her throat, “What do you mean?”

The mystery woman smirked, “The boys need a new punching bag and until the one they ordered gets here... well, you’re the next best thing. Besides, sending Cameron a photo of you being a little banged up might help speed things along.”

“He’d never give up Farrah. Not for anyone or anything for that matter.”

“Oh, I think that’s where you’re going to be wrong. You see Kay; you’re Cameron Black’s Achilles’ heel.”

One of the men took a swing at Kay whom she managed to block but when a swing came from the opposite direction, she wasn’t able to block it when the chain from the cuff held her arm down. They continued to beat her down before one of them kicked her leg, causing her to fall over. She tried to fight back and had some success but the chained arm made it difficult to make any lasting impact. After about fifteen minutes, the mystery woman raised her hand, signalling the men to stop. The mystery woman walked over and took a close look at Kay’s face as Kay sat on the ground clutching her side which hurt the most out of everthing as she leaned against the wall trying to steady her breath. The woman with the multi-coloured eyes took a look at Kay’s face then nodded, “This’ll do for now.” The mystery woman was handed a camera and she started taking pictures. Before she took the last one, her and Kay’s eyes met and she gave the banged up agent a wicked smile, “Smile pretty for the camera Kay.”

There was one thing Kay thought before she painfully shut her eyes as she felt the flash from the camera from beneath her eyelids, “Cameron... keep Farrah safe.”

A few hours later, back at the FBI building, Cameron couldn’t stop pacing. Kay had been missing for over fifteen hours and not a trace of where she could be. He ran a hand down his face in frustration.

“Cameron, would you please stop pacing like that?” Agent Deakins asked. She understood why Cam was concerned for Kay, not only was she one of her best agents but the older woman would be lying if she said she didn’t the connection Cameron and Kay had with each other.

“I’m sorry Sir but no. I can’t calm down. It’s been over half a day and nothing. Kay couldn’t have just disappeared off the face of the earth.” He placed his hands on his hips and looked down to the ground, “She... she’s too strong for that.”

Jonathan walked over and gripped his brother’s shoulders, “Just calm down Cam. Tiring yourself out won’t get you anywhere. It won’t get Kay back.” He slapped Cameron on the back of the head, “So snap out of it!”

“Mr Black, need I remind you that you could easily be sent back to your cell simply for being here.” Deakins reminded him. She didn’t want to have to send this innocent man back to prison but the slightest slip-up could force her to.

Jonathan rolled his eyes, “Well aware. You’ve sent me back multiple times for a crime I didn’t commit. At least this time, there would be a somewhat valid reason.”

Just then Farrah let out a cry from her stroller. Cameron walked over to the stroller and picked up his niece who was wearing a purple short-sleeved dress with light pink socks and a light pink headband. “I’m sorry Farrah. I didn’t mean to ignore you.” He said as the baby leaned her head on his shoulder and her tiny little hands grasped onto his black sweater.

Cameron held his baby niece close to him as Mike placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “We’ll find her.”

“I just... I don’t want anything to happen to her, especially because of me.” Mike gave him a sympathetic look. Cameron shook his head, “I know Kay is more than able to defend herself but you honestly have no idea what that crazy lady is willing to do to get what she wants.”

Jonathan sighed, “Unfortunately... Cam does have a point.”

“She’ll be fine.” Mike tried to reassure Cameron... and himself. He and Kay had been working together for a couple of years now and he had come to regard her as a good friend. He wanted his friend to return home safely. He wished for this whole mess to be over so that they could all help Farrah adjust to her new home. As a father himself, he couldn’t imagine not being able to be there for his boys and how difficult it was to raise children but he could see from the moment Cameron had learned that Farrah was his niece that Cam had it in him to take care of her. “We’ll bring her home.”

Cameron sighed, “You know Farrah took her first steps last night?”

Mike couldn’t help but give a little smile, “She did?”

Jonathan gave a slight smile, “Yeah, she did.”

“She only managed about three steps before she sat back down but...” Cameron chuckled, “Nothing was more amazing than seeing that.” He paused for a moment, “Kay would’ve loved it.”

“We’re just waiting on the traffic cam videos near the archive to arrive. We’ll find her.”

“I love Kay.” Mike’s eyes widened as did Jonathan’s, not from shock but from simple surprise that Cameron had finally said it out loud, “The thought of her getting hurt just... kills me.”

Just then Deakins came back with an envelope in hand, “Cameron?”

“Yes Sir? Anything?”

The older woman shook her head, “No but this came... addressed to you.” She said setting it down on the table

“Oh, uh... could you take Farrah for moment please?”

“Oh, of course.” Cameron handed Farrah over to Deakins. The little girl took a hard look at the older agent then let out a smile, “Well, you certainly make a better first impression than your uncles.”

Cameron smiled as he saw the older woman he truly respected interact with his niece. However his smile faded fast when he saw what was inside the envelope, “No.”

“Cameron, what’s wrong?” Deakins asked, concerned.

“Please! Don’t come closer; I don’t want Farrah seeing these and it somehow sticking in her mind.”

Mike and Jonathan walked over to him, “Cameron?” Cameron handed him the pictures as Mike’s eyes went wide as he looked at the photos and Jonathan just looked angry.

These were photos of Kay looking recently beaten up but the one that stuck with Cameron the most was the last one. It was a close up on Kay’s face where her eyes looked like they were painfully shut. It could have just been the lighting of the photo but Cameron swears that there was large bruise forming around her left eye, and her lip was cut and had bled down her chin just a tad, “Oh my God... what are they doing to her?” Just then Cameron’s cell phone rang, it was an unknown number but he had a feeling as to who it was, “Hello?”

“Hello Cameron.” That familiar female voice said, “What do you think of the pictures? I do hope they were visible enough, I’m afraid that the lighting was not that great.”

Cameron’s eyes widened as he put the phone on speaker, “Where’s Kay? What did you do to her?”

“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say. Oh, but don’t worry... she’s still alive. For now. I will admit, even for someone without a full range of motion at the moment, she’s a good fighter.”

“Why did you take her?” There was silence, “Answer me!”

“Oh come down Cameron. Yelling won’t get you anywhere.”

Cameron took a deep breath as Mike and some other agents tried to trace the call, “Why did you kidnap her?”

“Answer the man!” Jonathan exclaimed, getting tired of the game she was trying to play.

“Oh, since you insist Jonathan. She’s your Achilles Heel, Cameron.” Cameron gulped as the mystery woman continued, “You and I both know just how much you’re willing to do for her. You were willing to betray your own brother for Kay.”

“You gave him an impossible choice.” Jonathan said.

“It didn’t seem like you felt way a month ago.” The woman taunted.

“You took away his hope!” He paused for a moment, “Sorry, was that cheesy?”

Jonathan shrugged, “Let’s just say it’s a good thing that I’m not lactose intolerant.”

“As for Kay.” The mystery woman continued, “Consider the photos as a warning.”

Mike gave the thumbs up of having traced the call. Cameron continued talking, “A warning for what?”

“For what could happen if you don’t follow my employer’s instructions.”

“What does he want?”

“Only to see his granddaughter of course.”

Cameron’s breath hitched. Jonathan went over to Deakins and took Farrah, protectively holding his baby niece in his arms. Cameron took a deep breath, “W-what are you talking about?”

“Well, I’m sure that by now... you have figured out where this phone call is coming from.” Mike gave a somber nod as Jonathan’s eyes shut for a moment in frustration, “Hand over the child if you want to find Kay...” She gives a darks chuckle, “Alive, that is.”

With that she hung up. Cam ran his hand through his hair, “She can’t do this!” He looked over to Mike, “You traced the call?”

The agent nodded, “Yes. It came from the Blanc estate.”

“I don’t get it; they said they wanted nothing to do with Farrah.”

Jonathan kept a protective hand on Farrah’s back as she lightly slapped Jonathan’s cheeks, “Maybe it was to throw you off.”

“Yeah, maybe...” Cameron walked over and gave Farrah a light kiss on the head prompting the child to turn her head and smile at him.

“So, what’s the plan?” Jonathan asked.

Cameron gave a stern expression that even Jonathan himself had only seen a few times, “Well, one thing’s for sure... we are going to get Kay back... but they are not going to get their hands on our niece!”

Okay, I’m gonna be honest. When I started this story, I had no idea that this is where it would end up! I mean I had the basic story outline (Who the killer is, Kay getting kidnapped, Cameron and Jonathan making up and working together again.) but... this got darker than I expected...

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please be sure to tell me your thoughts, I honestly love reading your comments!

[smartgirlsaremean]

Cell Block Tango

Fandom: OUAT, Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing and Charm School

Pairing: Frankacey (is that a thing?)

Rating: M (for language - I think multiple uses of “fuck” rate an M anyway)

Summary: Frank Keane is mistaken for a certain Scottish screw-up during a routine traffic stop; while awaiting his phone call, he meets Lacey, Lachlan’s biggest fan.

AO3

Cell Block Tango

A/N: This is the Frank x Lacey story nobody ever asked for but at least one person ( @avatoh​) said they’d read it and then Muse wanted to write it so…here it is. I have never written Lacey. Or Frank. So I hope I didn’t majorly fuck either of them up.

The flashing red and blue lights nearly caused Frank Keane’s heart to stop in his chest. He wasn’t speeding, or swerving, or doing anything that could warrant a stop, and he knew there was no reason to panic, but he couldn’t help it - ever since the accident, music and lights had that effect on him. His palms sweating, he pulled over to the side of the road and took several deep breaths while he waited for the officer to approach his passenger-side door.

Several sharp raps announced the officer’s presence, and Frank rolled down the window, smiling timidly.

“Hey, buddy, you’ve got a tail light out,” the man said, leaning down to look in the window. “You need to…wait. I know you!”

Frank blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“What the hell are you doing driving? You haven’t even had your hearing yet!”

“H-hearing?”

“Dammit, are you drunk again?” The officer shook his head. “Step out of the vehicle, Mac.”

“I…”

“I said get out.”

His hands trembling, Frank opened the door and stepped carefully out onto the shoulder of the road and waited for the officer to come around.

“I’m not drunk, Officer,” he said, “I’m just confused.”

“Not much difference with you, is there? Come on, Mac, this is stupid even for you.”

“I…I think there’s been a mix-up - I’m not…I’ve never…”

“Hands against the car, Macaldonich.”

“Mac..Macal…” Frank turned and placed his hands on the car. “Officer, this is a mistake. My name is Frank Keane, and I…”

“Really? So there are two shaggy bastards with goofy accents tooling around this part of town? I don’t think so, Mac.”

“I swear,” Frank said, feeling a lump forming in his throat. “I’m not…I’m Frank Keane, I run a bakery on La Brea, I…”

“Fine.” The officer crossed his arms. “Prove it. Get your ID.”

With a sigh of relief Frank shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. Once he’d shown this very confused officer his license, he…

Frank felt the blood drain out of his face and he felt a little dizzy. His wallet wasn’t in his pockets - he could actually picture his wallet sitting on his dresser, could hear himself thinking “Don’t forget the wallet, Frank,” and what had he done?

“What's the matter, Frank?” the officer said, his tone weary and sarcastic. “Missing something?”

“I, uh…I appear to have left my wallet at home,” Frank said weakly.

“Yeah. I figured you might have.” The officer shook his head and held up his handcuffs. “Come on, Mac. Hands out.”

Lacey French was having a pretty fucking awful night. Between the drunk and disorderly charge and that asshole Keith, she was probably going to spend the rest of the night in this stupid holding cell. At least the bartender had vouched for her not being a hooker so she didn’t have to worry about a felony. The station door creaked open and Lacey looked up. It had been a slow night, and she was really hoping for something at least halfway interesting to happen, but then she saw who was walking in and she thought she might faint.

Lachlan Macaldonich. Lachlan Macaldonich. Lachlan Macaldonich was walking toward her, his signature long hair falling his face, his hands - God, those gorgeous, talented, long-fingered hands - clasped in front of him, the fingertips oddly black and…

Oh. He’d been arrested. She wondered why. She wondered what the hell he was doing in LA. She wondered if he still played, if he still sang, if he still…

She stood rooted to the spot as the officer opened the cell and lightly pushed Lachlan fucking Macaldonich into the holding cell.

“Don’t I get a phone call?” Lachlan asked, and Lacey shivered. His voice - she’d fallen asleep listening to that voice more times than she could count. She’d also done…other things while listening to that voice, and the wine and tequila she’d drunk tonight were making her think maybe she should tell him that. See where it went.

The officer didn’t answer his question, just stalked off to his desk. Lachlan sat down heavily on one of the benches and moved as if to run his hands through his hair but froze, staring at his ink-blackened fingers. He looked dazed and more than a little terrified, which didn’t really fit her image of a 90s rocker who wasn’t exactly known for staying on the straight and narrow, but people changed, right?

Lachlan was staring at the floor now as if he were trying to figure out how to burrow his way out of the cell, and Lacey gathered all her courage. Taking a deep breath, she sidled up, sat next to him, and deliberately crossed one long stocking-clad leg over the other.

“Hey,” she said.

He glanced up at her, his eyes going comically wide as he took in her appearance: teased auburn curls, sinfully red lips, bright blue sequined dress that barely covered her ass. She looked like a million bucks and she knew it, and she grinned triumphantly when his gaze flitted over her legs and back up to her face.

“Uh. Hello.”

“Sucky night, huh?” she said.

He nodded mutely.

“Look, I know you hear this all the time but…I’m a huge fan.”

“F-fan?”

“Oh, yeah. You guys were the best, I have all your albums, even the one you did solo, and I listen to your podcast all the time and…”

“I - I’m sorry, miss…”

“Lacey.”

“Lacey. I’m sorry, Lacey, but I’m afraid you have me confused with someone else.”

That flummoxed her for a minute. She hadn’t thought he might not want to be recognized. “Oh. Okay. It’s just…I loved The Cranks so much, y’know? They were my absolute favorite band and their music…it meant a lot to me. I don’t want to bother you, I just wanted to…to let you know.” She paused. “And I’m sorry about Jed. We all were.”

He said nothing, simply staring at the floor. She moved a few inches away from him and leaned back against the wall, and Lachlan relaxed a bit. He took a few deep breaths, then straightened and turned to her, an apologetic smile on his face.

“I am sorry to disappoint you,” he said. “Whoever Lachlan is, he’s very lucky to have your admiration.”

Lacey felt herself blush, which was ridiculous because she never blushed, and she looked away. “Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Lacey had almost reconciled herself to the idea that he really wasn’t going to talk to her anymore, let alone take her against the cinderblock wall and fulfill like eighty percent of her fantasies, when he spoke up again.

“Ah…what were you brought in for?”

“Drunk and disorderly,” Lacey said. “I’m not even that drunk - kinda tipsy - but when you hit a guy with a pool cue they tend to take that seriously.”

Lachlan raised his eyebrows. “A - a pool cue?”

“The guy challenged me to a game of pool, and when I started winning he copped a feel.” Lacey shrugged. “Asshole had it coming.”

Lachlan frowned. “I’m sorry, that’s…horrible.”

“Shit happens.”

“It shouldn’t.” He sounded almost angry, a firm note in his voice that hadn’t been there before.

“Yeah, well.” For some reason she hadn’t expected Lachlan to get all hot and bothered about some guy getting handsy. He’d been kind of a womanizer in his time, after all.

But…people change, right?

“And…you’re the one who ended up in jail?” Lachlan asked. “Why not him?”

“Friend of the sheriff,” Lacey said. “Plus, y’know, I was the one holding the cue.”

“But you were defending yourself.”

“According to them I was assaulting him.” Lacey shook her head. “I’m lucky he didn’t press charges.”

Lachlan didn’t say anything for a long time, but his face was kind of amazing - there were dozens of different emotions playing across it. “You’re not lucky, and you didn’t deserve it,” he said at last. “I have…some experience with…he was in the wrong, not you. I hope he has the worst headache of his life tomorrow.”

Lacey grinned. “I didn’t hit him in the head.”

“…Oh.”

This was easily the strangest night of his life: arrested for being someone he wasn’t, stuck in a grimy little jail cell with an impossibly beautiful woman who looked like she’d stepped out of a not-particularly-reputable magazine - and who also thought he was Lachlan Macaldonich.

Whoever Lachlan Macaldonich was, he had obviously made some very strange choices in life.

They’d been sitting in silence for nearly twenty minutes, now - Lacey had tucked herself into the corner of the bench, kicked off her four-inch heels, tucked her feet up underneath her (her skirt now riding almost all the way up her legs) and leaned her head against the wall. She’d gone so quiet and still that he started to think she’d fallen asleep.

Frank rose and walked to the cell door, peering out between the bars. The lone police officer had wandered out for a “smoke break” a while ago. There was still no sign of him, and Frank wondered if he would ever get his phone call.

“God I’m bored,” Lacey moaned from her corner of the cell, and Frank whirled around. “I wish they’d play some music or something.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to enjoy being in here,” Frank said.

“I guess not,” she said, sitting up straighter. “You could do me a solid and sing for me, though.”

“I - I don’t sing.”

“Oh, right, I forgot,” she said, rolling your eyes. “Because you’re not Lachlan Macaldonich, you never played guitar, you were never in a band, and you never had a solo album.”

Frank shrugged helplessly.

“So if you’re not Lachlan, who are you?”

“Frank. Frank Keane. I own a bakery.”

Lacey nodded. “Okay, Frank. I get it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that…sometimes it’s good to get away from all the shit in your life. So…you’re Frank. If I could be somebody else for a bit, I would too.”

“Who would you be?” He didn’t have the energy to insist again that he was really Frank, and besides, she sounded so wistful…

She blinked at him, as if she hadn’t expected the question. “I don’t really know,” she said after a moment. “Someone - someone quiet and sensible, I guess. Someone who doesn’t get in fights at bars or have to hustle pool to make rent. I always liked to read - maybe I’d be a librarian or run a bookstore or something.” Her eyes had taken on a distant, dreamy look. “And maybe I’d meet someone nice and sweet, like…I dunno…” she sent him a little grin “…a baker with long brown hair, and we could drink coffee and talk about books and movies. And he could sing to me, but only when he wanted to.”

“I told you, Lacey, I don’t sing,” Frank said, but he felt his ears redden. He reminded himself that it wasn’t him she fancied, but this Lachlan chap.

“Right, I forgot. Sorry.”

“I do dance, though.” Frank immediately wished he hadn’t said anything, because Lacey lit up like a Christmas tree.

“You wanna dance for me? I don’t have any singles!”

“Not - not like that!” Frank exclaimed, his face burning. “I mean - foxtrot, and rumba, and - and things like that.”

“Wait, you mean…you can really dance?” Lacey sat up and beamed at him. “Like Fred Astaire?”

“Nothing like Fred Astaire,” Frank said, holding up his hands. “F-forget I said anything.”

“No fucking way!” Lacey shoved her feet into her shoes and stood up. “Teach me!”

“Ah…” Frank glanced over his shoulder, hoping against hope that the officer might have returned, but no - he was on his own. “I…”

“Oh, come on, Lach…I mean Frank,” Lacey said, clasping her hands in front of her. “Please? I’m so bored, and I promise I’ll stop asking you to sing.”

Her eyes were wide and shining and so very, very blue, and Frank sighed. “Alright.”

She squealed, actually squealed, and threw her arms around his neck.

Lacey thought she might have died and gone to heaven. Lachlan was going to teach her to dance - he was going to hold her in his arms and she could press up against him and…

And then Lachlan reached up to unhook her hands from behind his neck, placing her left hand on his shoulder before laying his right hand flat against her shoulder blade. He took her right hand in his own and, when she tried to step in close, gently pushed her back so that their arms made a perfect frame.

There was a good foot of space between them. Fighting down disappointment, she looked down at her feet to make sure she was moving them in time with his. When he stepped forward with his left, he encouraged her to step back with her right, and vice versa.

When she had the hang of that part, he moved her in a very slow box step, and Lacey wondered if this was really worth it. The heat of his hand on her back was nearly scorching, but this wasn’t what she’d had in mind, and…

“Lacey?”

Lacey shook her head and met his eyes. “Yeah?”

“I want to show you how to turn,” he said. “When I step back like this,” he demonstrated, “you have to step in after me and turn all the way, ninety degrees.”

Math? He was using math to talk about dancing? “Sure, okay.” Lacey bit back a sigh and tried to concentrate, but this was really not what she’d been hoping for.

Suddenly Lachlan’s hand on her back pulled a little harder, and Lacey stumbled, letting out a gasp. She tried to step forward to compensate, but she lost her balance, and Lachlan hastily bent forward, gathering up in his arms and holding her close against his chest.

Oh, God, he was so warm and solid and he smelled so good - earthy and sweet and just a bit like baked bread.

“You - you really do own a bakery, don’t you?” Lacey said, a little thrill rushing through her when she realized that he still had his arms tightly around her waist even though it was obvious that she wasn’t going to fall.

“Yes. I told you that, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did. I just didn’t think…I don’t know what I thought.”

She was standing solidly on her feet and he still hadn’t let go of her, so she took a chance and slid her arms around his shoulders, staring up into those beautiful dark eyes that had so often haunted her dreams - God, he was so much more handsome up close. “Thanks for the dance lesson,” she said, allowing a husky note to enter her voice.

His face went red. “I, uh…I don’t think I’m a very good teacher. You almost broke both your ankles.”

“That’s okay. This is more the kind of dancing I’m used to, anyway.” She pressed herself a little closer, and he swallowed thickly.

“Lacey, I don’t think…”

The station door squeaked open, and Lachlan practically leapt away from her. Irritated, Lacey pursed her lips and turned to glare at the officer who had just entered; the young man’s face was a picture of embarrassment as he approached the cell.

“Mr. Keane,” he said, “I’m sorry, I - I’m so sorry.”

Lachlan heaved a deep sigh, and Lacey felt a little dizzy.

“We ran your prints,” the officer said. “I’m so sorry, I really thought…I mean, you look just like him, and…I’ll get your things immediately. You’re free to go.”

“Wait a second,” Lacey squeaked. “You’re - you’re really not Lachlan Macaldonich?”

Lachlan - no, Frank - looked at her, his eyes large and sad. “No. I told you I wasn’t. I’ve never even heard of him.”

Mortification swept through her, and she sat down hard on the bench. “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged and looked down, his hair hiding his expression. “It’s alright,” he muttered.

“No, it’s really, really not. I wouldn’t have…I wouldn’t have…”

“I know,” Frank said. “Believe me, I know.”

There was something a little melancholy in his voice, and Lacey frowned, realizing what she’d said. “I mean…I might have. If I didn’t already know who Lachlan is. There’s a reason I’ve had a gigantic crush on him my whole life, y’know.”

Frank looked up from his hair, a tiny grin on his lips. “Gigantic crush, eh?”

“Well, yeah. Sexy accent, big brown eyes, good at something other than drinking and playing video games. You’re not exactly a booby prize.”

He huffed a laugh and shook his head, heading for the cell door.

“I’m serious,” Lacey said. “I’m looking you up after I get out of here - your bakery’s on La Brea, right?”

“Lacey, you don’t have to…”

“Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll find it myself, and then you’ll see.” She crossed her arms and smirked, meeting his eyes as he searched her expression, probably trying to see whether she was joking or not. “I’m gonna come get a croissant or a scone or whatever it is you make, and then you’re going to give me another dance lesson.”

“Alright,” he said finally. “I’ll see you around, Lacey.”

“Count on it.”

With another disbelieving smile and shake of his head, he followed the officer out of the bullpen, leaving Lacey to wonder just how many bakeries there were on La Brea, and whether he would be as adorable on the other side of the bars. He wasn’t her usual type, but her usual type sucked. Maybe it was time for a change of pace.

[isuckandotheressays]

PART 1 ; self-saboteur

How can you even start to talk about something like this without sounding so fucking cliché it makes your teeth hurt. Stuff is hard, like really hard, and it will be forever, and I know that. I am like, obscenely good at whining, I can whine about pretty much anything, the weather, the fact I have nothing to wear, the fact that I don’t get what I want. I'm internally spoiled, but I think everyone is really, any one that isn't is lying, what type of crazy person likes when they don’t get what they want? Unless you are ,like a masochist, which in some ways I probably am, or at least a self-saboteur.

Anyway, unimportant. More importantly, my life is currently in shambles. The love of my life won't talk to me because he's upset that I tried to kill myself. Now I'm sure from an outwards perspective that makes him sound unfeeling, a dick, but to be honest I'm the dick.  

Don’t get me wrong, I 100% wanted to die, I could not see my way out. I weighed out my options, I could hang myself from the loft bed he built for me, but I'm too tall and it wouldn’t have worked. I would slit my wrists, but then I would get heaps of blood on the 70's carpet and that would be just like, disrespectful to my housemates. So, my final thought was just to take as many of my sleeping meds as I could and just like, go to sleep. I wrote a note, in tears, obviously, I had fucking lost it.  

I individually popped out the pills and took them one by one, slowly getting more and more tired, getting less and less conscious. I kept thinking about random things, like how mad everyone is going to me if I survive this, how fucked it's going to be for Luke, how I've probably ruined his life. So I thought in my drug addled state, I should probably just like message saying I'm sorry to all my friends or whatever. Because I'm a dirt human.  

Suicide, is a really selfish thing, the most selfish thing you can do, but at that point in time, I couldn’t see my way out. I felt worthless, that the person I cared for the most in the world was never going to trust me again, that my best friends didn’t want to hang out with me because I'm so fun because I'm a useless sad lump that wines, can't even drink red wine because I become some heaps horrible bitchy cynical version of myself. That I would always disappoint my parents, because to this day, I don’t actually want to do what they want me to do and I really just want to be a starving artist and make art about how sad I am all the time.  

Anyway, I squeezed out some drama queen ass text to the people that meant the most to me, 'I'm sorry I love you' , which I meant but in hindsight as someone that wanted to die peacefully and alone in their house, is not a good move because people care about if you are dead or alive and well, got scared if they get that message out of the blue. So next minute, my dad, arrives in a cab, and I go to Emergency, and no one really takes what goes on particularly seriously and then in a bed and some doctor is making me drink some sludgy black coal shit to soak up all the medication in my stomach (side note it's been three days at this point and all that is coming out of me is like spirited away anime style sludge.  

So, I wake up and I'm going to the ward, this is like 8 at night, I did all this pill business at about Noon, and I'm sitting in the waiting room with my mum and dad who are literally at their whit's end with their nerves shot because their only child has an inability to cope with real life.

Side note, I am a productive member of society, I have job, that I mostly like and work hard at, I do a little bit of 'faffy' modeling for cash when I can, I get up I get coffee, I catch the train to school etc. Granted my mum pays my phone bill because I'm a 22 year old child that can't do real life human things. But yeah, back to the ward.

PART 2 ; repercussions

I'm sitting there waiting at the mental health ward and they literally come and give me some belongings I left there the time before. Like I'm some frequent flyer, I sort of laugh under my breath but try to stifle it because I love my parents  more than anything and I don't want to make this situation any more confusing and awful than what it is. I go to the tiny mini fridge and fish out a cheese sandwich because the stuff I took to OD makes you so fucking hungry.  

So I'm admitted, given the awkward PJ's, some hectic sedatives and put in the room with the vinyl mattress like the ones in jail I'm sure, except in the ward they give you milo and night and speak in hushed tones and take your blood pressure a lot and offer you adult colouring books.  

Then I'm in the room and I'm thinking things. The things I'm thinking are about the fact that I did not succeed in ending my life and now there are repercussions. I have to not only feel shit, I have to feel guilty because what I have done to the people who love me is so monumentally horrible and I'm a bad selfish person who is never going to be loved, etc. Then I think about if I had done it another way, if it had worked, then I fall asleep.

I'm woken up by a student nurse that looks about 15 rolling in a huge blood pressure machine. The soft voice ensues like fucking silk "so, uh, cay, do you feel safe? Do you feel like hurting yourself? Killing yourself? Feeling a bit better than yesterday?" And me, being a fucking idiot, says, "oh yeah I'm fine now, just tired you know". Because, from lots of practice, I'm a master at pretending I'm okay (I'm being sarcastic hopefully you get that and I don’t just sound like a prized IDIOT).  

Hours down the track in walk out in my gross green PJ's and look at who else in in the ward. Literally exactly what you would expect, some full grown woman with pink hair doing a puzzle of teddy bears, some 'methy' looking guy talking to himself in the room (until this point I thought this was a ward for woman only) that has a video of a waterfall on loop and an extremely greasy middle ages Asian woman being scolded for trying to sleep when she has to be awake because its day time. Nobody talks to each other, we are all sort of collectively embarrassed, no one really knows how to act, do we like smile at each other? Or do we have to prove our sadness to each other? I just keep my head down mainly until I get handed the sludgy meal that we have to eat with a spoon because u could mince yourself with a fork or knife. I recon if you really wanted you could use a spoon, I recon if you really wanted you could use anything like, it's pretty fucked up but I think about that all the time. I know pretty much all the things in a room that I could use to hurt myself.  

Like spoon? Easy, I would just either with all the force in my body, sorry for the gore, slam the not spoony part into my wrist and like , blood would Tarintino style go everywhere. I could also just like shove it down my throat and choke. I recon I could like, paper cut myself to death, that’s so morbid, oh my god, sorry.  

PART 3; insidious thing  

Fast track to now, I'm at my parent's house, with a shaved head, in the country, the love of my life won't talk to me. I'm almost certain that he's going to leave me, he's already moved out and he's basically sick of my shit. And to be honest, even though it fucking hurts, its fair enough.

Backtrack again, I worked at the pub, and everyone there just like, happened to do cocaine, so I tried cocaine, and of course, it was great but very expensive. If went from something fun to something I needed to get through a shift because I was so tired. Then I would spend all my money on it. Then the guy would show up at the bar and I would just swipe my card and take money out of the till. Like at the start it was spending my money, and then I started stealing the money.  

Now, I have a huge problem which honestly, I like being on drugs, plus being bipolar, oh yeah, but now that’s up for negotiation and could be a personality disorder or whatever. I didn’t tell anyone I was doing this, not even my partner or my friend who could have helped me. Especially, my partner. But again, dirt human remember.  

So, I was holding that secret in for ages, like was literally killing me. It was the most insidious thing ever. But I've always stuffed in and marred the truth to protect myself. When I was younger, like childhood till I was 16, I had a really hard time at making friends so I literally would just make shit up. But when I was first diagnosed and had my first break up, I worked out that, that probably wasn’t optimum to being like an alright human. So I stopped saying I was related to famous models and that I got kicked out of karate because I punched the teacher and started telling the  true story about the stress nose bleeds, of the white robes and I was related to a bunch of people that lived in Yass, as in many merinos (no offence to my family - you are all phenomenal).

PART 4; him

Forward, I hadn't told my parents this immense thing, and I was lying about what actually happened. So I told them. And, they really didn’t care. Not only what this an insane and complete surprise to me, it made me feel even worse that I have been an absolutely horrendous person to my partner.  

So now, I am petrified. I'm writing this with my newly shaved golf ball head, he's not talking to me and I'm this total wreck of self-hatred and total disarray. Because I want to be with him, I don’t want to hurt him. But I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to make someone trust you again, and I sure as hell don’t think I deserve to have such a fucking angel in my life.

Like you know those classically handsome boys from teen movies, yeah think about that, but like Bowie dreamy. Big ass blue eyes, freckles, tall, absolutely killer smile. He supports my art, he's good with kids and animals, he's stupid crazy intelligent, goofy and gets my humor, that I barely get sometimes. Like I have no idea how human trash like me could have made this person fall in love with me. One time, he fucking flew overseas to see me on our anniversary because he missed me. He has written obscure punk songs about me. He also supports me immensely, which I owe my life to, on many occasions.  

To be honest, I will understand if he's over it, he could do so much better, he could like, date a  girl who is not legally insane, that would not self-harm and lie and do batshit stuff like some crazy murderer. But, I do want to get better for him. And I am trying, I've enrolled in this crazy program that the psych lady said would improve my honesty as well as make me be able to deal with real life grown up situations like an adult and not some mentally inept baby thing. I am trying. Shaving my hair was a thing for me. I needed a physical change to put stuff in motion. I'm in motion now. And I hope that he sees that, but I understand, I truly I am the worst.

Skip forward to two weeks later, we ended it, I broke it I really did. But that okay, because you have to have a red hot go at being by yourself. I am weirdly happy, elated even, I feel like ive got myself back. Its crazy that you don’t even notice how much you have lost yourself until your alone, the cracks in what seemed like a perfect relationship start to show. Not to throw shade, but I think that I embarrassed him sometimes and tried to hard to act cool. And to be honest, I recon I am pretty fucking cool. I bent myself to fit around him, even my aspirations, even my work even my internet presence. He never let me 'vlog' he thought it was lame, seems like such a teeny thing but I full want to vlog. I want to talk into the abyss that in Instagram, hear an echo or not.  

I guess its all a learning curb really, you got to lose what you think you want to get what you need. I could 'smiths' along and ask to 'please please, please, let me let me let me, get what I want this time' but right now, I'm still working out what that is. It's pretty flippin' great.