#med school rant

[the-remaining-half]

made a study den and had the most productive day of my life. I never thought it was humanly possible for me to study this much in one day.

Watching my fav drama for an hour at 2:00 am after studying the whole day felt like the best and the sweetest reward ever!! 🥂🥂

I feel so motivated after such a good day to make today amazing too! 💕

I think I felt the saying… you can only feel confident when you keep the promises you make to yourself

[juniemunie]

Don't you have anything better to do?

Just let them go.

(Yes its based off that pic from Veil)

[ionanalu]

just a friendly little reminder that you can work in healthcare without being an asshole??

[emgoesmed]

8/15/2024

Throwback to last week when I was on a more chill elective.

This week I’m on a different elective and struggling. It’s frustrating because it’s not as busy or as long hours as the floors but I feel like my knowledge is abysmal (cardiology has never been a very strong subject for me) and working with a new attending every day keeps me on my toes since they all want different levels of independent work and presentations and note templates and physical exam styles 🥲

Doesn’t help that my afternoon continuity clinic yesterday ended at like 6pm because even though I only had two patients (yay intern year lol) they were both scheduled late in the afternoon, showed up late, and took forever to get roomed. So after what amounted to an 8am-6pm day I just went home and rotted and forgot I needed to prep for journal club this afternoon 😓

Anyway it’s been a time… I’ll be on inpatient cardiology next week and looking forward to spending the weekend visiting family and friends, running (finally got my hands on an albuterol inhaler) and studyinggg!!!

[ressq]

man i sure wish i had the energy to do anything at all!

okay well it's not entirely true that i haven't been doing anything. i'm cooking. trust.

[phantom-of-the-keurig]

There’s this thing called Equine Metabolic Syndrome (EMS) but for the past year or so I’ve always jokingly referred to it as Horse Too Fat Syndrome bc I’m me and I can’t take anything serious

My exam this morning had a fill in the blank question and the answer was specifically and very clearly Equine Metabolic Syndrome - y’all I could not for the life of me remember wtf it was actually called 😭😭😭

I was fighting for my life and all I could come up with was fuckin Horse Too Fat Syndrome

[sweeneydino]

Skip if you don't wanna hear someone ramble about themselves lolol

Sometimes, I feel like my art is too messy, unappealing, and lazy... But then I remember that it's okay to just draw for fun and that I don't need to appeal to people anymore.

It's really hard for me to get things done since it's been hammered into me that things need to be perfect and if I just can't make it perfect no matter how hard I try, I just ignore it. Hide it. Push it under the rug along with all the other unfinished projects because looking at it just makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed.

Even when I get it finished, I feel it's still not enough, and the thought of people hating it when I tried my hardest to complete it and make it perfect makes me feel like I failed them as well.

The problem is that I know that none of that matters. I know that I'm talented, I know that I don't need to make things perfect, I know that it's okay for things to be unfinished and that I don't need to hide my projects, I know that I don't need to please everyone and that everyone has their own opinions. Yet I just can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop worrying about it. I can't stop thinking that what I do isn't worth as much as what I could do.

But really, that's just my inferiority complex lmao. I'm going to try to complete what I want to (aka. The rvb animation then maybe the LME Chapter) cause I know I want to do that.

Oh BTW, the rant is over lol welcome to my mind bozo. Now you see how much school fucked me up LMAO

WIAT DOES THOS MEAN IM A LEO KINNIE?! /GEN

[letmesleep8]

I am panicking so hard cause I need to get into med school and I need to get the fuck away out of this town, I need to get accepted just so I can at least be away for most of the day

[alvinmichaelmurphyseville]

“Honestly, I think my unmanaged ADHD was holding back a raging workaholic without me realizing it.” (Thanks for the training, Dave!) 😞

“Simon’s personalized just-for-me meds aren’t to blame. They’re just helping me focus. The fact that they turn off/down my constant need to have fun and be stimulated, releases a guy who literally could not care less about fun if his brain isn’t constantly craving it anymore.”

“I can’t decide which is worse. The unmanaged ADHD or the fact that managing my ADHD more makes me head straight into burnout.”

“Anyway. At least this explains why shorter duration meds help somewhat, and longer duration ones mess me up.”

“I think I need to teach myself how to have fun without NEEDING to have fun. Then, maybe I could be constantly medicated and not hate it! And like, actually adjust…and be ALL of myself instead of half.”

“But this is irrelevant because I don’t wanna be constantly medicated unless it’s exam week. So….why am I even talking about this?”

[the-remaining-half]

9th March 2024 | Saturday

Day 1 of 100 Days of Productivity 🪴

Here is my day at a glance:

Started my new skin care regime

Ate a health bowl of fruits for breakfast

Studied my least favourite subject all day because mom picked that finger

Had study sessions with my bff

Used pretty study background

Ate all meals of the day

Did my night time skin care

Just doing all of this on day one made me feel motivated to do it the next day. Good luck to me! I hope I can complete this challenge and come out with better habits. 🍓

[nerdgirlnarrates]

So for some reason, I thought I would not have to do specialty-specific research to match pulm/crit, and that I could get away with exclusively having medical education scholarly projects. This was probably dumb of me, but I am nevertheless really unhappy to find out I was wrong. I just hate research man. I love science, I love digging into the literature and coming up with good questions and synthesizing information, but I hate performing analysis myself. I especially hate churning out shitty chart reviews and case reports just to pack my resume, and the thought of having to keep doing that during residency makes me wanna throw up. The vast majority of research done by physicians is utter trash (we do not have the time or training to complete meaningful research on our own most of the time!), it doesn’t improve physicians’ scientific literacy, it is just chasing prestige. I hate it. Please please let me work on a project that is actually meaningful.

[andro-studiesmed]

JOURNAL ENTRY - JULY 11, 2024

I feel restless. Burnt out and tired. I feel unbelievably tired, scattered and disorganised.

I have an exam tomorrow and I don't really care. It shows too— because I haven't even covered thirty percent of my syllabus.

I don't have any excuses other than that even though I wanted to, my body wouldn't move. And it wasn't as if I was not trying— except for that my brain wouldn't focus and I kept getting sleepy.

The past few exams, I had been able to study because I put a show in the background. Thats the only way I could make myself study and I couldn't today so there is that.

I'm going to fail tomorrow's exam.

I have been having severe problems with planning just about anything. Even the smallest of the things.

I think it's the stress of it all that's made it worse. I was never as efficiently organised as the others are but I managed but with stress in the pickle— my mind isn't able to plan or stick to a plan. Or form one.

I was absolutely bored out of my mind so I couldn't study at all even if I wanted to, even if I was trying to.

The problem is— I don't even know what questions to ask myself to form a plan? Or a blueprint? Where to start? How much time to give to something— because time blindness.

There is so much going on.

And urgency makes it better in a way when it shouldn't— I can concentrate better when there is the end moment emergency and urgency. Other than at all other times when my brain feels muddled, disorganised, confused, bored and distracted— slow.

It was okay before because I used to have two roommates and I would naturally body double but now I live alone and it's difficult.

I genuinely believe I have ADHD but no diagnosis to give a proof for it. No means to get one and it's ruining my life. It's ruining my life and everyone just thinks I'm making excuses, don't want to work hard and am lazy with no purpose in life— who just runs away from things and problems. At least that's what I was told all the time before I went and let myself get into med school out of spite. I was angry of how everyone looked down upon me all the time. The disrespect of it all made me unbelievably angry. So I got into med school out of spite and also because it was my dream I failed at but spite drove me more than anything else.

When they had asked us—

"why do you wish to become a doctor? "

My answer was —

" there was nothing about this place I could forgive."

Give me strength to be able to handle this all.

I've forgotten how I did it back then. When I had spite.

[distantdiamondskyy]

.

[stressingthroughmedschool]

man maybe burnout was part of my self development arc bc sometimes (all the time) i sit here and think i’m the dumbest laziest person in the world with no potential anymore and then i remember that at the age of 17 my dumbass somehow wrote a paper predicting one of the most insane advancements in medicine like some madwoman and how even at my extreme burnout state i managed to accomplish so much (i probably went to class a total of 10 times during jr/sr year in college and still managed to graduate w latin honors at an ivy???? literally would wing exams after reading notes on the way to the lecture hall) so i’m just telling myself to imagine how much more i can achieve after establishing a healthier mental lifestyle 🩷🎀

[natjennie]

took my meds yesterday and today. slept like shit. nauseous. starting to notice a connection.

[turtlefordestiel]

Not to be too angst on main but you ever just hate every single fiber of your being and you wish you could just change every little thing about you???