#meaning if you draw us ill love you forever

[spearxwind]

Happy 10th birthday to Cercerion!

OUGHHH UR RIGHT CERCIE IS 10 YEARS OLD NOW !!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY BELOVEDEST DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HIS WHOLE LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lwyikas]

francis forever ft miya atsumu

w:angst but with little sprinkle of pure love, death

"I don't think I could stand to be where you don't see me"

“Did she cry after i left?”

"Yes but she fall asleep after playing with her toys ”

“I wont be late mom,is there anything you want me to get?”

“No honey, just drive carefully”

After muttering something similar to “i will”, he put the phone in his pocket.He would love to bring your daughter to anniversary you two, but he couldn’t afford to risk her getting sick. Although he was dressed thickly, he was quite cold, he didn’t have enough gasoline to turn on heater. He forgot to stop by petrol. He was sentenced to sit in the cold because he was confused. His head was always messy anyway. He blows hot air into his hands and rubs it, took bouquet of roses from next seat and got out of the car.

Here we go again

and autumn comes when you're not yet done with the summer passing by

The cold breeze of October, which he hated while walking with slow steps, made him startle. Unlike you, he hates autumn, anymore. Rain, wind are shitty mud everywhere, according to him, there is no side to make any beautification of them but he likes days when weather matches his mood. Partly, if the weather was sunny on a shitty day, his nerves would be more.

When he reached you he stops. Sighing, he left bouquet on dried soil. Sits on cold marble, he put his hands on his chin and brokes silence after short wait.

“I’m here, dear”

silence, all he hears is hum of the wind

“I’m sorry, there weren’t any white roses you loved, so i bought red ones”

silence

I end up on a tree-lined place I look up at the gaps of sunlight

He squeezes his jaw and turns his gaze to sky, he hates coming here to death, but except for his daughter, the last thing left of you is the tombstone. When he came to his grandfather’s grave when he was little, he would see people talking to the graves and wonder,is these people think how they looks from outside?

With his growth and maturation, he find out that this thought didn't mean a fuck. He had a painful process to found out but still did.

Stop it Atsumu, you’re not here to cry.

In a hurry takes out a paper from his jacket ”our daughter really loves draw, i can’t say she is very talented, but i thought you would still want”he put paper, which is small hand shapes and stick mens, under bouquet so it wouldn’t fly from wind.

“I’m sorry you heard this but she more and more looks like me every day, you lost bet” another pause “But i will never get that 10 dollar from you”

He passes his hand through blonde hair. It’s been two years, but pain still same like first day, it never goes away. He was never ready for this. You gave him many signals in last moments in your illness but he is stubborn man.

“I don’t freak out when we lose a match anymore” because now he knows that there so much things that will upset human more than losing a match. Not being able to witness your daughter’s first day at school, only he was there when he took her to park, chair you used to sit on was always empty while teaching her numbers at tkitchen table are a few of them.

“I just focus on the mistakes i made in match and i try not to make them in the next match” but he won’t have a chance to try not to make mistakes he made against you again.

no, today is your two’s wedding anniversary, 6 days later it’s your death anniversary,no negativity,even if his wife passed, he is still a married man who in love with her deeply.That wedding ring never comes out of his finger.

he miss you more than anything

It’s getting dark, before going home, he has to buy chocolates he promised to his daughter. Although he couldn’t keep all the promises he made to you,he must keep promises he made to her.

“See you gorgeous, don’t leave until i come next week” he doesn’t even find this funny.he leaving a kiss on tombstone, he gets in way towards his car. After getting into car, he leans his head against steering wheel and takes a deep breaths to recover.

When he comes home after stopping by convenience store,he don't ring bell just in case.His mother opens door,he gets inside.Leaving bag in his hand in the kitchen,he goes up stairs and watches from doorframe to his daughter sleep.

He’s liar asshole, this girl was definitely your copy.He slowly sits on the edge of her bed and gently strokes her hair so she doesn’t wake up.

When his vision starts to blur, his chest trembles and difficult to breathe, he cannot suppress his tears more.

i'm crying with him too

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

The Hope in the Fault Lines | Part 4

The final part....THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN. It's been a labor of love for sure, so I hope you read it and love it and reblog it and all the good things. I don’t have enough requests to have a tag list or anything so I’m relying on faith and prayers to get this in front of the ppl who liked the previous parts, so PLEASE REBLOG THIS 🥺 I’ll love you forever fr. Here are links to part 1, part 2, and part 3 if you haven't read them already! Warnings: references to child abuse (mentions of a father giving a daughter a black eye and references to a belt being used), reference to a past child custody battle, sexism, forced contact by abusive parents, drinking, grief, ptsd, some angst but just for a little, vanilla sex, oral (f receiving), I tried to leave a lot to the imagination because this was my first time writing any kind of smut, but still minors don't read or interact with it, police investigation. lmk if there's anything else! Word count: 13k (I AM SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY.)

Eleven months later 

Time was funny.

Together, you, Sara, and Mingyu had watched the summer fade into a hazy autumn, where the leaves faded into gold and red and orange and then fell, leaving bare branches clawing at the sky with skinny fingers. The winter had been a long one — Christmas was nearly unbearable without Jeri and Jisung to keep you company. But spring prevailed, as it always did, and now you watched as the latest of the April blossoms popped through the surface of the earth. 

It’s been almost a whole year since the accident. At the outset, your grief had been like a massive wall. It was hard to see around it, and pushing against it was useless. Now, the grief was still there, but had transformed into something more akin to a stray dog that followed you around. It was always present, but you could still move with it, and it wasn’t always unwelcome. The pain of loss had been tempered by the stretch of time, the therapy sessions faithfully attended every Tuesday morning, and the love that had grown between you and Sara. 

At a year and a half, she toddled around clumsily still, but could run and jump and talk. She was extremely independent and energetic, and sometimes when she was displeased the look on her face was so reminiscent of Jeri that it made you pause. However, where before that would’ve made you cry, today it fills you with comfort. You also, surprisingly, saw yourself in her — she was adventurous and tenacious, and didn’t like to be told she couldn’t do something. But she was also sweet, cooing over even the beetles in the grass or the spiders in the corner. The force of your love for her was both surprising and strong, because when she’d first come into your life, you had felt uncertain you’d ever get the hang of being a parent. Now, you could hardly imagine life without her. She made each day full of an infinite meaning — everything you did now was for her.

And then, there was Mingyu. The relationship between you was sweet and easy and didn’t demand anything more from you than you could handle. You had learned early on how kind Mingyu was and how easy it was to talk to him, but you had come to know him even better over the time since your illness, and you had become endeared by his pouty expression when you teased him, the clumsiness you suspected was a result of becoming very big very fast and still not knowing his own strength, and the comforting timbre of his voice, as well as so much more. Mingyu made you feel like you never had to do anything by yourself, with a talent for drawing the vulnerability out of you when you were keeping yourself from being helped. And even though he was positive and upbeat most of the time, he never expected that from you. His grace in handling your down days was enough to convince you that in any other circumstance, this man would have been your perfect match, inside and out.

But the circumstances are what they are, and so you can’t let yourself give in to what you want. It has been a long time since Mingyu has held you — since the nightmare, in fact. Which, you remind yourself forcefully, is a good thing. It was professional of you to keep that physical distance. Because, Heaven help you, you were struggling to keep any emotional distance between you. 

When Mingyu had come back to work after he’d stayed the night at your place that one fateful night, a pattern had begun. When you’d come home, Mingyu asked you about your day. You’d give him the low-down: “Emily dropped the pencil sharpener and thought I’d fire her…am I that scary?”, “we got a story with Brie Larsen,” “one of our writers is getting married in a few weeks and invited me”, and so on. Then you’d ask for his updates: “Sara ate a solid banana today,” “Bora and Morrie came over for a play date”, “I lost Sara for fifteen minutes today and found her in the massive drum of flour”. This usually kicked off an hours-long conversation full of teasing, laughter, and the occasional philosophical discussion that only ended when one of you mentioned Mingyu should go home and get some rest. The past eleven months of this behavior had only made you more and more drawn to Mingyu; it was how you learned he learned to cook from helping his mother in the kitchen, and that he also had a little sister whom he loved dearly, and about the friends from college he still saw frequently, all of whom he seemed to only have positive feelings for. You had started to wonder if there was a person he didn’t like. And all of this added up to you being absolutely smitten with him.

But you also keenly felt the guilt of having a crush on your nanny. After all, it felt like such a midlife-crisis move to pull. You tried to comfort yourself in the truth that Mingyu was usually the instigator whenever the both of you rocketed over those carefully drawn lines in the proverbial sand, but you knew it was also partially your responsibility, because you never talked to him about maintaining a more professional distance. The fact was, you didn’t want any more distance at all between you and Mingyu, but you understood how complicated it might be if someone who essentially made sure he could pay his bills confessed romantic feelings for him. Not that you’d ever take advantage of him, but it also felt unfair to put him in a situation where he had to trust you on that.

So you stayed as you were — for eleven months that had proven to put you through every emotion on the spectrum. You laughed at Mingyu, you competed against Mingyu, you wondered about Mingyu, you worried about Mingyu. 

But most of all, you yearned for Mingyu.

You try not to let it show as you watch Sara play with her dolls in the living room, supplemented by the dollhouse Mingyu spent a whole day building for her. “Tomorrow’s the big day!” he says. “Are you excited?”

“I am,” you hedge, half-listening as Sara clumsily tucks a doll into its bed and says goodnight. “A little nervous, too.”

“Why are you nervous?” he asks. “You’ve practiced a lot. I almost have your speech memorized by now.”

You laugh. “It’s normal to be nervous, even when you’re prepared.”

He watches you carefully, noting how after a few moments of silence your eyes slip out of focus, miles away. After eleven months, Mingyu has learned that when you get like this, you are reliving a vivid memory inside your mind. The more this happens, the worse your dreams are later. So, after catching Sara before she whacks her head on the coffee table, he puts his hand on your knee so your mind connects to your body again. “Where were you this time?” he asks, releasing a squirming Sara to the floor, his gaze between you and her.

“My sister pep talking me before my valedictorian speech,” you say in a tiny voice.

“I didn’t know you were valedictorian!” Mingyu exclaims. “You were a huge nerd, weren’t you?”

“I still am,” you say, pretending to be scandalized. “Why do you think my magazine won an award for publishing? It certainly wasn’t because academic validation isn’t important to me.”

He laughs. “Your magazine won an award for publishing because it’s awesome. But I appreciate that you’re still trying to achieve academically even though you’re almost three years post-MBA.”

“I know when I’m being made fun of,” you sniff. “And I won’t have this from you, Mr. ‘I Flunked Out of Chemistry But They Still Let Me Play Basketball’ Kim Mingyu.”

Mingyu shoots you a reluctant grin. “I never should’ve told you that, first of all,” he says. “Secondly, despite all that, I think you would’ve liked me in high school.”

“I probably would’ve,” you admit. “You, however, would never have even looked at me in high school,” you say. “I had glasses, braces, the whole nine yards.”

He stretches, laughing. “I was into nerds, actually. Still am, in fact.” He smiles to himself, on cue with your heart turning all the way over in your chest.

You’re in dangerous territory, so you steer away. “Have you been practicing your ponytails?” you say seriously.

“Who do you think I am? Of course I have.”

“And you’re still not gonna show me what her hair looks like until the day of?”

“Of course not. It’s bad luck.”

You scoff. “I’m almost positive nobody thinks that.”

“I’m pretty sure I think that,” he counters.

“And I don’t even get to see her dress?” you ask.

“Not unless I get to see yours.”

You grin — this had been a constant “argument” since you’d come home with the dress bag, and you had denied his request to look at it. “What if I hate her dress?”

Mingyu shakes his head. “It’s impossible. She’s the cutest little girl in the world. So even if the dress sucks, she’s gonna look darling in it.”

“You make a good point,” you admit. “The dress doesn’t suck though, right?”

“You have so little faith in my taste,” Mingyu says, frowning. Then he lights up again and abruptly changes the subject. “Also, get this — Wonwoo says he’s gonna come and he’ll bring a girl.”

“Oh?” you say, lifting Sara off the ground as she reaches for one of the spark plugs in the wall. “Is it the same girl he brought home a couple weeks ago?” You’d become friends with Mingyu’s bespectacled, tech-savvy roommate due to occasional contact over the past almost-year, and the thought of him with a girl is sweet.

“Yeah,” Mingyu says. “But here’s the thing. He insisted — emphatically — that nothing was going on between them. They were just friends.”

“How long ago?”

“Like two weeks.”

“Maybe for one of them that’s true,” you suggest. “I mean, maybe he doesn’t like her like that.”

“No, he definitely does.”

“Okay, well, maybe she doesn’t like him like that.”

“Have you seen him?”

You laugh. “Have you seen yourself? I mean, if she hangs out at your place pretty often there’s really no reason she couldn’t like you too.”

Mingyu blushes, an uncharacteristically bashful move on his part, and you realize how much you’ve just given away. So you, blushing too, move over to Sara, beginning to play with her hands and let her grab at your necklace. “I should probably go,” Mingyu says. “Gotta be here early tomorrow to make sure you don’t sleep through your alarm again.”

“I only did that one time,” you protest. “And I don’t think I’ll sleep at all tonight.”

He makes a sympathetic noise. “Well, at least try, will you? It’s a big day for you, and you should be able to enjoy it.”

You smile up at him. “You’re right. Thank you, Mingyu. Say bye bye to Mingyu, Sara.”

“Bye, Googoo!!” Sara squeals — her endearing nickname for Mingyu. 

She bounds over to him, and he sweeps her into his arms for a swift hug before setting her down gently. “Bye, Sara!”

***

“Wow,” Mingyu says, his eyes wide and mouth open.

You tug at the tight, silvery-blue fabric of the floor-length gown you wear, blushing. “Thanks.”

“You’re always pretty,” Mingyu begins, finally recovering from the shock of seeing you like this enough to speak.

“Oh, stop it,” you protest, hiding your face in your hands.

“But this is … wow,” he finishes.

Your face could not be warmer. “Please desist before I’m so embarrassed that I have to change.” You peek from behind your fingers at Mingyu, who is looking positively devastating in a suit and is holding Sara in her fluffy pink dress. He was right about her looking cute in anything, but the dress suits your sweet, sassy, rambunctious little girl. And, true to his word, he has tugged her hair into two adorable pigtails fitted with feathery pink bows to match the dress. “You did an amazing job with Sara.”

Mingyu finally tears his eyes away from you to look proudly at Sara’s outfit. “Never doubt me again,” he jokes.

“I never will,” you vow. 

“Well, I think we need to leave,” Mingyu says. “I wonder what everyone will think about me arriving with the two prettiest girls at the party.”

You roll your eyes as you grab your things. “You’ll fit right in,” you tell him. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks,” he says, wrestling a grumpy Sara into her car seat. “Shall we?”

The party is a fancy affair. Big names in publishing mill around with your employees, some turning to greet you and offer words of congratulations when you walk in. Mingyu is impressed with how gracious and genuine you are with everyone, even the people you’re just being introduced to, his heart swelling with pride whenever you include him and Sara as a part of your introduction. 

Sara is amazed at the surroundings, looking around the beautifully furnished hotel meeting room with its twinkling lights in an overstimulated stupor. Plenty of the female employees are talking and whispering at the sight of her in Mingyu’s arms, a few even venturing to approach him and play with Sara’s hands or feet. “So, are you her boyfriend?” A blonde in a stunning red dress asks, leaning in with hooded eyes.

“No, I’m just her nanny,” Mingyu says with a laugh. “Um, excuse me.” 

You have to bite back a smile as Mingyu meets eyes with you nervously. “Meredith from accounting is zeroed in on you, I see,” you tease him. 

“She’s very friendly,” Mingyu agrees. “I think I saw Wonwoo come in, though.”

You look toward the door. There he is — tall, slender, with his signature glasses and a shy but very happy smile, hand-in-hand with a pretty girl in a pink dress. “They look cozy,” you observe. “Say hi to him for me, will you? I need to get ready to speak to everyone.”

Mingyu gives you a prolonged look that makes you more nervous than even the impending speech before he answers, “sure thing, boss. Break a leg. You’ll be great.”

It feels surreal — all of these people are mostly people who you see every day, mingling with publishing giants and friends, and everything is different. After what feels like no time at all, you take the low stage to begin your speech.

You take a deep breath, looking in the crowd for two specific people, and it isn’t until you’ve met eyes with Mingyu, who is softly smiling at you, and aimed a wave at Sara, that you begin. “This award is something I’ve been working toward since we started the magazine. I naively thought that receiving this award would finally help me to feel like I belonged in this industry, or that all the time I’d spend slaving for this business was actually worth it.

“The past year, however, has been the absolute hardest of my life. As many of you know, my sister -- the person who encouraged me to start this business, and the person without whom many of you, including me, would probably not have jobs -- was killed in a hit-and-run accident a year ago Thursday. And when you go through something like that, well...your perspective on life definitely changes. I have always been a believer in the power of story, but because of the life-altering experiences I’ve had over the course of this brutal year, I gained new insight into the stories that we should be telling with the voices we have in the time that we have them. I’m convinced that the team’s vision aligning so well with this change in priorities is why I’m on this stage accepting this award. So I have some people to thank for this.”

You’re practiced enough that your voice only shakes a little as you begin this part. “Firstly, my editor, Cory, who not only held us together while I was completely incapacitated, but also understood perfectly how to make this thing into the kind of thing that wins awards like this. If this was a ship, Cory would be at the helm, and I’m so glad that we have someone who is a perfect navigator. Cory knows the metaphorical sea and stars like an albatross, and he deserves to be the one speaking to you today, but we drew lots and I got the short stick.” The crowd laughs, and in the audience, Cory raises his glass to you, his arm snaked around the waist of his new girlfriend Lele.

You smile at his gesture and continue. “Secondly, to my assistant, Emily. She was hired only one single month before the accident, and she has become indispensable to me. One thing you should know about her is that her desire to do everything she can for anyone who needs it is not just one of her biggest professional strengths, it is also one of her best personal ones. Her competence and kindness will take her far -- here or wherever she goes.” When you spot Emily, her eyes are streaming with tears, and she gives you a little apologetic shrug as she wipes her eyes.

“Thirdly, I cannot thank the writing team, the creative team, the social media team, and the editing staff enough for supporting me through my bereavement and continuing to do such excellent work. I am grateful to have hired the right people, so that I can be confident that this important work we do will not be stopped if I am stopped.”

Now, the final message -- the part you hadn’t shown Mingyu yet. Partially because you wanted to surprise him, and partially because you were terrified of what he would know about you because of it, and you wanted to prolong the moment. You steady yourself and press on. “Finally, there have been a number of people in my personal life without whom I couldn’t be here today. Friends who pulled me out of the mud, almost literally, neighbors who looked out for my lawn, the kindest friend who watches my beautiful niece while I come to work --” and at this point, you intentionally avoid Mingyu’s gaze, “and Sara herself, who gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and who carries Jeri with her in her eyes. You have all been my hope in the fault lines, and without you, I would be so lost. Thank you for being my solid ground when everything around me was shaking.

“And of course, to my dear sister, my best friend, Jeri. From wherever you are, know that this award means infinitely more because of what I learned from you. I wish I could’ve learned it with you beside me, but I’m hoping every single day that when it’s my time, I’m even half of the person you are. Thank you.”

The audience applauds, and someone hands you a small glass statue as the physical evidence of your award, and pictures are snapped, and then it’s all over. You’re back in the crowd, and you’re drained and a bit embarrassed and empty, and the only person you want to talk to is Mingyu. You want to run to him and throw yourself into his arms and let him carry you away from the stage and the people who are flocking to you to hug you and offer condolences and shake your hand and congratulate you. But you can’t, so you let them approach until Emily (bless her) extracts you from the crowd.

“Your parents came,” she whispers to you, and you feel your jaw clench. 

“Where are they?” you ask through your gritted teeth. 

“By the food. I’ve tried to hold them off, but they want to meet Sara.”

“Where is she?”

“Mingyu’s changing her diaper.”

You grab Cory’s arm as he passes. “My parents are here. Please go in the bathroom and tell Mingyu not to leave until you come back to get him.” With an alarmed look, he obeys, and you stalk toward the two elderly people staring haughtily around at the crowd at the food table.

Your mother sees you first. As she meets your eyes you remember her wearing that same look while your father had “disciplined” you — with a belt. It’s a shrewd look, a calculating one. The last night you’d lived with them, before you’d taken Jeri and gotten out of that place, she had told him she didn’t think the message was sinking in enough. She suggested more stripes might remind you of “a woman’s place.”

As hard as she is to look at, he is infinitely worse. Your father has grown hunched in the ten years since you’ve seen him, his face becoming even more gaunt and severe, almost cartoonish in its caricatured lines. You stand up straighter and realize that you’re not afraid of him anymore. “What are you doing here?” you ask, your voice quiet so as not to attract attention and cause a scene. 

“Is it a crime to want to see my daughter and granddaughter?” your father croaks.

“I don’t remember inviting you,” you say shortly. “I want to know how you found out about this.”

“I read about it in the paper,” he says.

“Well, thank you for coming,” you say. “But I think I made it clear that I don’t want contact with you after the trial.”

“The judge only ruled that Sara would live with you. They didn’t mention that we could never see her,” your mother claims.

“No, they didn’t say that. But I did,” you remind her, your voice surprisingly gentle despite your anger.

There is a sudden warmth from a hand at your shoulder. “Are you okay?” Mingyu asks quietly.

You turn to face him, giving him a tight smile. “Yeah,” you say, a bit shaken but still determined. “Where’s Sara?”

“Wonwoo is watching her,” he replies. “Do you need help with them?”

You had told him about your parents and the vaguest details of their abuse around month four. He knew you’d left home at seventeen with Jeri in tow, determined to let her be safer than you had been. He knew that there had been a nasty custody battle necessitating your admission of everything they’d done to you so that Sara would never be subjected to the childhood you had. He didn’t know that you’d had to teach yourself how to do makeup in seventh grade to hide the black eye your father had given you, because your mother believed makeup to be deceitful and of the devil. He didn’t know all the times you’d stepped in front of Jeri to prevent your father from hurting her. He didn’t know the fear you’d felt when they took you to court to try and take your niece away from you — all on the basis that a child without her father, raised by only a woman, could never be complete.

He didn’t know everything, but still he was there at your side. Big and strong and never angry except for right now, his dark eyes flashing and his mouth set in a straight line. You’d wondered how your soft, silly, sweet Mingyu had managed to survive for years as a federal agent, but now you knew. Mingyu could be intimidating if he wanted to be – he simply chose not to be most of the time.

You sigh, relieved. “I think I would like help with them, actually.”

This is all Mingyu needs to spring into action. He moves for your father, taking him by the arm in what you’re sure is a vice grip, as you link an arm around your mother’s arm. “I need the both of you to go,” you tell her. “And if I see you again, I’ll file a restraining order. Don’t think I won’t. I’d prefer not to do it, so just leave us alone. We’re happy.” You release her in the hotel lobby, and she and your father scurry away. 

As you walk back to the party with Mingyu, you ask, “did he say anything to you?”

Mingyu shrugs. “Nothing worth repeating.” The two of you hunt down Sara, and you give her a big hug before letting her finally wander around on her own two feet, which she’s been begging Wonwoo to do. It does your heart good to watch her be herself without any fear of retribution.

You’re surprised at how normal you feel after returning to the group. Your hands still shake, and you do keep a closer eye on Sara than normal, but you don’t dwell on it. It didn’t burn you like you expected to see them again. Perhaps, you reason, although the pain of seeing your parents again is very different from your grief, and there is nearly ten years of distance between that pain and your current life, you have actually become stronger. The thought makes you warm from the inside out. The rest of the event goes by in a blur -- all the way up until you overhear Mingyu talking to Wonwoo. “Come out with us tonight,” Wonwoo plies.

“I don’t know,” Mingyu says, sounding reluctant.

“You should,” you find yourself saying, grinning as they both jump at your words. “Sorry for eavesdropping. Why wouldn’t you go?”

Mingyu snorts. “I’ll go if you go.”

You grin regretfully at Wonwoo. “Sorry,” you say. “I have the duties of motherhood to attend to.”

Bora is standing nearby and interjects. “Actually, I think it’d be great if you went. I can take Sara tonight.”

You shoot her a look. “I wasn’t even invited. That was a joke.”

“No, you’re definitely invited,” Wonwoo says. “Please come. Seungcheol is going to be there, and he just got rejected, so he needs someone more responsible than me to look after him. Who better than a literal mother?”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t birth her, Wonwoo.”

“You’re still her mom,” says Bora. “I’m taking her home with me. Go out, have fun! It’ll be good for you. The last time you went out, you ended up finding Mingyu. So maybe tonight something great will happen.”

You can hear the suggestive edge in her voice. It has you glaring daggers at her as she reaches for Sara. “I’ll leave you to it,” she says, and scurries away.

***

“I’m not good at drinking,” you confess over the music.

“Then don’t drink too much,” Wonwoo says. 

“Is everything just that simple for you?” you ask him, amused. 

He grins. “Actually, yes.” He looks over to where the girl he brought and Mingyu are chatting happily about some inane thing, and frowns. “Sometimes even I complicate things, though.”

“I think she really likes you.” Wonwoo turns to look at you, eyes wide, and you chuckle. “I think we’re alike,” you explain. “Neither of us are very forward usually, or very good at expressing ourselves.”

Wonwoo nods with a sheepish grin. “That’s accurate.”

“So…do you like her?” you ask him bluntly.

Wonwoo clears his throat and downs a shot before replying. “I’ve been in love with her for a long time.”

“And you still haven’t said anything?” you ask sympathetically.

“Well, I mean, we’ve kissed. And we’ve held hands. And I kind of confessed.”

You eye him skeptically. “And would you say she’s more like you and I, personality-wise, or more like Mingyu?”

“Definitely Mingyu,” he replies. 

“Do you think Mingyu would pick up on a half-confession?”

Wonwoo thinks to himself. “He’d probably understand what you’re saying, but I think he’d be too worried to do anything about it unless you were explicit. He’s too polite and cautious to cross a line like that.”

You try not to think about what he’s saying in the context of you and Mingyu, but it’s hard. “So, do you know what you need to do?” you ask him, trying to focus on the task at hand.

“Own up to my feelings, probably.” Wonwoo laughs at himself.

“You’ve already kissed,” you point out. “And she’s stuck around. If she hated that you kissed her, it might be one thing, but it seems to me like she’s pretty into being with you. You don’t have to be poetic, just tell her how she makes you feel and let her respond how she wants.”

He nods, putting the shot glass back on the bar and standing up. “Thanks,” he says. “You might consider taking your own advice, too.” And with that, he walks across the room to the girl and leans in to whisper something to her. The two of them leave together, and Mingyu turns to look at you, giving you a quizzical look. 

“What did you say to him?” he asks, coming to sit in Wonwoo’s vacated seat.

“I told him to go for it,” you say, your head still buzzing with Wonwoo’s last comment to you. You sip sparingly at your piña colada and sigh. “What are we even doing here?” you ask Mingyu with an uncharacteristic giggle, probably brought on by the alcohol in your system. “I’ve never been a person who goes to bars, and since becoming a parent, I am even less of one.”

Mingyu laughs. “Well, I was having a great time talking with Wonwoo’s girl, until someone decided to be an inspiration. As per usual.”

“Where are Seungcheol and Vernon?” you say, ignoring his compliment but for a small grin.

“I think they’re in an intense game of pool. Vernon’s doing a better job distracting Cheol than I thought he would,” Mingyu says. “Although they’re both super drunk. We should go check on them.”

Mingyu takes your hand and guides you through the crowded bar, to a back room with a pool table, a ping pong table, and a couple of old arcade games. Vernon and Seungcheol have abandoned the pool table and are standing by the ancient-looking jukebox. As you watch, Seungcheol whacks the jukebox with his fist, and then groans in pain. Mingyu wordlessly jogs over to them and grabs Seungcheol’s hand to inspect it.

“Wanted it to play that one song,” Seungcheol slurs at Mingyu as you approach. “The one that reminds me of her.”

Mingyu looks at him in a mixture of amusement and worry. “Which one?”

“She’s Got a Way,” Vernon says, stumbling over. “Billy Joel is the best.”

“I think you should sit down,” Mingyu says to both of them as they lean heavily on him. You grab Vernon by the arm and help him over to the nearest collection of chairs, just as a pretty girl in a black dress strides up to Mingyu helping Seungcheol. 

“Hi, handsome,” she says. 

“Pia?” Mingyu says, shocked. “Oh, wow. Um, hi! It’s been awhile.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously.

“Sure has, soldier.” She doesn’t spare you or either of the other two men a single glance -- her focus is solely on Mingyu. “Where have you been?”

“I was living in Italy for a minute. You know, doing the whole nannying thing still.” He clears his throat. “But I’ve been back awhile.”

“Huh,” Pia says. “Can’t believe you haven’t lost your mind around all those kids yet. Let me buy you a drink. You can tell me all about it.”

Mingyu shoots you a sideways glance. You want to drag him away from her -- with your teeth, if necessary -- but you say nothing, hoping your face isn’t betraying the open hostility in your heart. “I don’t know,” he says, hesitating. “I’m supposed to drive later.”

“Then I’ll buy you a virgin daiquiri. Nothing hokey, I promise,” she says smoothly, taking Mingyu’s arm. “I’ll have you back here before you know it.” And with that, she waltzes him away as he looks at you, wide-eyed, over his shoulder.

You aren’t really mad at him. You could tell that if it were up to him, he’d have stayed with the three of you -- if only because he was worried about Vernon and Seungcheol being too much for you. And yet, it still rankled to see him walking away with another woman.

Another very pretty woman.

Maybe it’s this that leads you to order another drink when the waiter comes around. And another. Two drinks was enough alcohol to get you shit-faced. Three has you singing along to She’s Got a Way with the other two when it finally plays, even though you never sing.

By the time Mingyu arrives back to your group, he is shocked to see you with your arms slung around the other two, your cheeks pink and your eyes bright, belting another song along with them while Seungcheol weeps unabashedly into your shoulder.

“I think it’s time to leave,” he says, amused, propping Seungcheol up. “Stay right there, baby. I’ll be back.”

You blink. It feels like time is moving in slow motion as Mingyu turns to leave the bar. “Did he just call me baby?” you ask Vernon stupidly.

“I think so,” Vernon says, nodding. “It’d be weird if he called me that.” 

You frown. “Why does he do stuff like that?”

Vernon shakes his head. “I don’t know. But what I do know is that the room is spinning, which means I drank too much, so I’m gonna just lay down for a second.”

You watch Vernon put his forehead to the table and give a drunken scoff. Mingyu arrives shortly afterward, lifting you princess-style out of your chair as though you weigh nothing and telling Vernon he’ll be back. He lays you in the passenger seat of your car, grinning down at you. “I see why you don’t drink often,” he teases. “You really are a lightweight.”

Seungcheol groans from the backseat. “Kiss her,” he commands, too loud, causing passerby to look over in shock.

To Mingyu’s surprise, your eyes light up. You still have a hand gripping his soft tee from when the world tilted alarmingly as he hoisted you off the chair, and your eyes are out of focus and you keep blinking at him to try and see him, and you’re uncomfortably aware that your hair is plastered to your forehead with sweat. 

Adorable. He can’t help but think it. The alcohol has done its job admirably — your cheeks are flushed, and your usually-guarded gaze is open and almost dangerous in your blatant desire for him. It takes everything in him to restrain himself from listening to Seungcheol and kissing you in front of all these people. 

But you’re so drunk, and he cares too much about you to do it like this, so he gently removes your fist from his shirt and runs back into the bar to get Vernon, hearing Seungcheol yell “Coward!” at him as he retreats. In no time he packs Vernon into the back of the car and drives off, monitoring you in the passenger side. 

Seungcheol gets out at Vernon’s house, and together they stagger inside. Mingyu watches them in amusement until he hears you sniffling. Alarmed, he looks down to see you crying quietly into your hands.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, befuddled. 

“I’m drunk,” you say in a choked, muffled voice. “People just cry when they’re drunk sometimes.”

He shrugs, then pats your shoulder. “I guess you’re right.” But he continues to watch as your tears continue to fall. Finally he pulls up to your house, and you claw at your seatbelt, trying to pull yourself loose. He chuckles and pops the button easily, and you fling the door open and promptly fall out of the car.

In a panic, Mingyu runs around the side of the car to see you weeping on your own driveway. When he moves to help you, you weakly try to push him away. “What’s going on, honey?” he says, suddenly realizing you may not have told him the truth earlier about the reason for your tears. 

“I’m mad at you,” you admit, wiping your eyes. “And I cry when I’m mad.”

He purses his lips. “Well, can I at least get you inside? Then we can talk about it.”

You hesitate, then nod. Wordlessly he scoops you into his arms, and despite everything you’re feeling, you tuck yourself into the crook of his neck. He’s so warm, and you breathe in his scent, feeling the pain of the fall and your own feelings ease a little. 

“So,” he says after he’s propped you up on your couch. “What’s this about, huh?”

You look up at him with red eyes. “I’m not actually mad at you.” You take a deep breath in. “I’m mad at me.”

The realization had hit you when you’d reached Vernon’s apartment. You had broken your own heart, beyond what you thought was possible after losing your sister, because every version of your future that you had even the slightest desire to live in had Mingyu in it. And not as your nanny — as your partner. The sudden impossibility of any of those futures becoming reality has rushed to you, because Mingyu needs a job, and you need a nanny, and to change anything about your relationship would cost him his livelihood — or cost the both of you the relationship you already have.

The only thing more impossible than explaining this was staying quiet, however.

So when he asks why, you tell him. “I ruined everything, Mingyu. I … I put us both in the worst possible situation.”

“How?” His eyes are zeroed in on your face, alight in the dim room. 

You can almost taste your own heartbeat as you reply. “I…fell in love with you.”

Mingyu’s jaw drops. 

“I know, it’s stupid. And you…you have better options than me, plus…we’re impossible. You and me, it would never work anyway. But I had to say it before I catch fire from the inside out.”

When you finally look at Mingyu, his shock has turned into a pained expression. “Impossible?” he repeats quietly.

You nod sleepily as the tears overtake you again. “Like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole,” you confirm, sniffling.

“Why is it impossible?” he asks. “Explain that.” For the first time since you’ve known Mingyu, he sounds angry with you. 

And this makes you angry, too.

“Because this is not the life you deserve,” you say, your voice too loud for the living room. “Me, my grief, my baggage, a kid — you deserve your own family. One that isn’t so … messy.” Your voice cracks near the end of your rant, but you choke your tears down like you had in front of your parents and their rage all those years ago. 

“What if you’re enough for me?” he challenges, eyes flashing.

“I’m not going to let you throw the whole life you could have with someone else away for someone who can’t give you what you want!” you yell. “I can’t love you like you deserve, Mingyu!”

Mingyu’s face crumples from anger to shattering grief. He stands up, grabs his jacket, and heads for the door. 

You want to yell at him to come back, but feel too guilty and tired and stressed and awful to say a word. Before he opens the door, he half turns over his shoulder, not meeting your eyes. “I know you, and I know how you love. And it’s more than enough. You are what I want.” His tone is so careful and measured that you know he wants to yell back at you. He couldn’t be more serious, or more plain about what he’s saying. He finally looks into your eyes as he opens the door.

“If you ever stop being afraid of that, you know where to find me,” he says quietly.

And without another glance, he steps into the night, letting the door shut with an awful sense of finality.

***

“Get up,” says Bora sternly, ripping the sheets off you. 

You groan and bury your face in your pillows. “No,” you say.

“Sara has been asking for you,” she insists. 

You glare at her, but push yourself up and follow her downstairs. Sara is playing happily on the floor with Morrie. When she catches sight of you, she yells her toddler version of your name. Your heart partially pieces itself back together, and you respond to her reaching arms by pulling her close. “Hey, baby. Did you have a fun sleepover?”

“Yeah!” Sara yells excitedly. “We had soooooooooo much fun!!”

“We played with my princess toys,” Morrie informs you. 

“Oh did you?” you say, trying to mimic their excitement. 

“Yeah!! Mommy said you went out to have fun with a cute boy,” Morrie says. “Did you have fun?”

You glance over at Bora before responding. “I may have had a little too much fun.”

Bora hisses, but you shake your head at her, letting her know with your eyes that you’ll talk later. She hangs around for the morning, and when Morrie and Sara go down for their naps, she corners you.

“Tell me why Mingyu didn’t show up this morning,” she demands.

You sigh. “Because I am the dumbest, stupidest idiot known to all mankind.” And you tell her everything.

She listens intently. “And then he texted this morning and told me he needed some time,” you finish, swallowing hard around the lump in your throat.

“So what are you gonna do about it?” she asks you. You note the strain in her tone and realize she’s mad at you too.

“I don’t know,” you snap, her anger and your own pain making you feel trapped and defensive. 

“That man is in love with you,” she says, exasperated. “I mean, it was really obvious that he feels the same way about you that you feel about him. And you’re just going to stubbornly suggest that he’s too good for you?”

“He literally is, though,” you say, desperate to make her understand. “He’s the perfect man. He could be with anyone. I have a kid and a company, and he deserves someone’s full attention and full heart, and that will never be me.”

Bora’s shaking her head. “No, listen to me. You’ve always been like this. You think love is this finite thing and once you give it to one thing you don’t have enough to give to something else. I thought Sara would change that about you. Do you forget about Sara when you’re at work?” 

You think to yourself. No, in fact. You thought about her constantly. You even did your job in the hope that one day she would know she could do whatever she set her mind to. “And did you stop running your business just because you became Sara’s guardian?” Bora asks you, watching you as you think. “Of course you didn’t. Because love isn’t finite, you dummy.”

You stare at her, unconvinced. She sighs. “Sweetheart, I see the way you look at him. I know you know you have feelings for him, but when you think about an entire lifetime without Mingyu, when you think about him moving on with someone else, how does that feel?”

“Unbearable,” you whisper. You’ve already thought about it -- all last night, after you sobered up, you thought about what would happen to you if that was the last time you ever saw Mingyu. You knew you’d keep going, for Sara, like always. But you also knew you’d be a shell of who you were when you were with him, and you didn’t like to think how long it would take for you to fill yourself back up.

Which brings you to a greater worry. “What if I just…got attached? Because he was something for me to hold onto during all this?” you ask her.

“So what if you did? That’s as real a reason to be attached to someone as I can think of.”

“I don’t want to be trauma-bonded, Bora.”

She rolls her eyes. “Have you ever heard him say anything mean? About anyone?”

“No?” Because he hadn’t. Not even your parents. He was unfailingly kind.

“And has he ever made you feel inferior, for any reason?”

“Of course not,” you say. In fact, even when he teased, he was never disrespectful.

“And are the two of you able to talk about things together without antagonizing each other?”

“Yes,” you tell her, realizing all at once that your friendship with Mingyu is one of the healthiest you have.

Bora nods. “You need to go see him.” She grabs your hand and starts tugging you up the stairs.

“But I just got Sara back, and he says he needs time!” you protest, shocked.

“He needs time from the you that didn’t know you didn’t want to live without him,” she says forcefully, throwing one of your duffel bags onto your bed and tossing a random assortment of clothing into it.

“Why are we packing?” you ask her in alarm.

“You aren’t coming home tonight,” she says matter-of-factly.

“I’m not?”

“For the smartest person I know, you’re an absolute idiot,” she says. “Grab pajamas, sweetie.”

You know better than to argue with Bora when she gets into tornado mode. So you pull out your favorite sweatpants and a hoodie. Bora looks at your selections with a critical eye. “Comfort over style?” she asks, moving to your dresser. She opens the top drawer and extracts the pretty pink lingerie an ex boyfriend got you for Christmas three years ago. 

“What is that for?” you ask as she grabs a black bra and panty set and shoves it into the bag as well. You feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the beating of your heart suddenly rattling in your brain.

She doesn’t respond, just takes you out to your car and hands you the keys she grabbed -- still on the counter where Mingyu had left them the night before. “I’m prohibiting you from coming home tonight. I’ll take care of Sara. Don’t worry about anything, just go.”

It’s not until you’re on the road that it hits you fully what you’re about to do. You’ve never done anything like this before -- never cared enough to take the risk that you’re about to take. You try not to imagine him slamming the door in your face and drive faster, wanting to get to the part where you’re standing in front of him saying what you need to say. 

Finally, you arrive. You take a deep breath before dashing from the car to knock on Mingyu’s door. Your knocks are so persistent and loud that he answers right away, looking shocked to see you of all people on his porch with a duffel bag.

The first words out of his mouth aren’t what you expect. “Are you fleeing the country?”

“Huh?” you ask. 

“Your duffel bag. And you look like you just robbed a bank,” he says with an eyebrow raised.

“Oh. Um, no. I...can I come in? I really need to talk to you.” You can hear how thick your voice sounds, and you try to clear your throat, but breathing is hard. Because there he is -- wet hair from a recent shower, white tank top with massive arms fully visible, and eyes that only just barely betray the hurt of the night before. The hurt you caused.

He steps aside to let you in, and you scurry past him and lay your bag down before you turn to face him. “Is Wonwoo here?” you ask first. 

“Nah, he stayed with his girl last night.” Mingyu’s eyes are steady on you, urging you to explain yourself, and you’re more nervous than ever. You rub your slick palms on your sweatpants and will yourself to find the words to continue.

“I’m so scared,” you finally whisper to him. 

His face is stony, unreadable. “Of what?” he asks.

“Everything,” you tell him. “All of this. I’m scared of you most of all.”

He softens a little. “Why?” he asks, taking a step toward you.

You step forward too -- close enough to touch him. And for the first time in your life, you make the move, reaching forward and taking his big hand in yours. “Because you, Kim Mingyu, could ruin me. I love you in a way that’s never supposed to end, and that terrifies me. I don’t ever want to lose you. And I could. I might have already.”

He’s very still, watching your face, looking for any signs of a lie. It’s such a relief to be touching him, and you’re so high on the feeling of his warm hand in yours, that you sigh as you bring his knuckles to your lips, breathing a kiss over each one.

“You mean it,” he says quietly, watching you adore him.

“I do,” you say. “I really, really do. I love you, Kim Mingyu.” 

Those are the words that seem to hit him like a comet breaking through the atmosphere. He tugs you forward and into his arms and buries his face in your neck, squeezing you hard enough that you feel your ribs crack.  

“I love you too,” he says, and you hear the hint of tears in his voice. “I wish I could find a way to tell you how I feel right now,” Mingyu says into your hair. “I meant what I said. You’re everything I ever wanted. Sara, too.”

And you know there’s still things that you’ll need to work out, but when you’re in Mingyu’s arms, it all seems to matter a lot less. The relief is instantaneous, his touch soothing the tightness in your chest, and you finally let yourself open up fully, melting into him and squeezing him back. Mingyu lets go of you only briefly and only partially to pull you over to the sofa, wrapping his arms around your middle from behind and pulling you to his chest. 

“What made you decide to come?” he asks you, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You give a small laugh. “Bora,” you say. “It was actually barely my choice at all. She basically threw me out of my own house.”

You can feel the vibration of his own chuckle where your head rests against his chest. “Thank goodness for Bora.”

“Mmm,” you say in agreement, relaxing into his embrace. Mingyu’s arms tighten around you, and he leans down to kiss your shoulder through your several layers of sweatshirt. “So, how long have you liked me?” you ask him shyly.

He sighs. “It was almost at first sight for me,” he admits, blushing as your jaw drops. “I’m serious! You looked so cute that first morning. So frazzled, too.”

“Imagine my shock,” you explain, “when I hire a nanny and someone who looks like you shows up.” You trace a light hand up and down the arms wrapped around you, watching as they erupt into goosebumps. 

“What do you mean? Did I look irresponsible?” he teases.

“No, you’re just the hottest man alive,” you say, grinning at him over your shoulder. 

He looks both shy and pleased with himself. “I am?” he asks, his smile growing.

You turn back around and sink into him again. “My love, I’m going to need you to invest in a mirror. You clearly don’t know what you look like.”

Mingyu gives a soft laugh. Slowly and deliberately, he kisses down the side of your face from your temple down your cheekbone, bringing a hand up to turn your head to face him. “Would you like a kiss from the hottest man alive?” he asks very seriously, but he can’t help the corners of his mouth from turning upward just a bit.

You nod, privately and internally screaming to yourself. It’s been a very long time -- what if you’re bad at it? 

But Mingyu is so careful. He just barely tilts your chin up and lets your lips meet his, soft and warm and tender. You let your lips part slightly, and lean in just slightly more, adding a bit of pressure. His hand on your face is steady and strong, and you can taste coconut oil on his lips from his chapstick. Kissing Mingyu is heaven, as thrilling as a roller coaster but as safe as a night at home in Sara’s rocking chair. Your mind is full of him — everything else seems to evaporate as though Mingyu is the only real thing in the world, and you cling to him, trembling, as though he might disappear too. You have to remind yourself to take it slow, although your heart clattering against your ribs is begging you for more from his lips, but can’t help a soft hum of pleasure from escaping you as he breaks the kiss and comes back for another, slipping his hand from your cheek to the back of your neck.

He smiles against your lips at the sound. “Enjoying yourself?” he asks, pulling away a bit.

And although you’re trembling with a surplus of emotions, you manage an eye roll. “I don’t have to answer that,” you say, breathing too heavily.

Those darling crow’s feet appear at the corners of his eyes as he notices the heat rising in your face, even brushing a thumb along the pink that has appeared on the apple of your cheek. “I would do things all the time to make that happen,” he admits, dropping a feather light kiss on your cheek. “You looked so cute, and it also made me feel like maybe you might love me back one day.”

“For your information, I liked you almost this entire time, too,” you tell him.

“When did it shift?” he asks. “Between liking me and loving me, I mean.”

You consider. “I think it became clearer to me when Sara started calling you dad — you remember? It was around her first birthday.”

“I remember!” he says. “I was worried you’d be mad.”

You smile. “I wasn’t mad at all. It occurred to me then that I couldn’t see myself finding anyone else to love Sara the same way, or that it would just all feel wrong and weird if it wasn’t you. I thought about it plenty of times beforehand, though. I think the first time I felt something real was when I got sick.”

“Two weeks in?” Mingyu asks, surprised.

“Yeah, about that long,” you confirm, and his eyes go wide.

“We’ve really just been driving each other crazy and not saying anything for the past however many months?” He laughs his high-pitched giggle. “We’re idiots!”

“Well, we figured it out eventually,” you say, spinning around to face him. “Now, I have a question.”

“Ask away,” he says, his eyes soft and adoring as he gazes at you.

“Why did you fall for me? I’m a wreck.”

He laughs again, and you swat at his arm. “I’m being serious. You couldn’t have come into my life in worse circumstances, and you’ve seen me at every extreme. Why do you love me? Why not someone...I don’t know, younger? Less riddled with grief? Someone who isn’t a package deal?”

He thinks for a minute. “Well, you’re not a decrepit old woman, as much as you might think you are. I’m actually six months older than you,” he informs you.

“You are? How do you know?” 

“Your birthday is October 16. Mine is April 6 of the same year.”

“How do you know that?” you repeat, shocked.

“I stalked you on social media,” he replies, blushing himself.

You decide to let this go. “But you still haven’t explained why you love me,” you protest.

He looks at you, grinning at your eagerness with stars in his eyes, brushing your hair out of your face to see you better. “The first thing I loved about you was how much love you had for your niece,” he begins. “You didn’t resent her at all even though she’d sort of wrecked your whole life plan. That said something about you. I could tell you had a good heart.” He pauses. “The second thing I loved about you was your ass.”

You gape at him. He bursts into laughter, and you shove his shoulder. “I’m kidding,” he says. “Although,” he continues, reaching around to lift you onto his lap by said ass, “it is pretty incredible.” 

You have to rest your hands on his chest to keep yourself upright, but you avoid meeting his eyes, even though you’re straddling him. You’re feeling like someone zapped you with a bolt of lightning as a tingle spreads from your inside out. “Hey,” he says softly. “Look at me, baby.”

You force yourself to look into his eyes, which are warm and smiling at you over a fine dusting of freckles across his nose. He shifts his weight a bit so you’re resting more comfortably across his hips, and your breathing grows heavier. “Is this okay?” he asks, a bit amused at how much the simple change in position seems to be affecting you.

Trying to look unbothered, you nod. “Please go on,” you say. 

“What was I saying?” he asks, his hand dancing down your spine and making you shiver, still grinning up at you.

“Something about my ass,” you tell him, and he laughs. 

“Right,” he says. “But seeing how you treated Sara was the first thing. Then I appreciated how hard you worked. And then I loved your humor and how you teased me. And then I admired how you opened up to me. And then —“

“Alright, enough,” you interrupt, embarrassed.

“The point is,” he continues with a broad smile, “it all came down to how much love you had inside you. You loved everything and everyone so much, in a way that was so unique to anyone I’d ever met. It was just you.” 

You laugh at this – the very reason he fell for you was the thing you were worried about not being able to give him. 

He sighs contentedly at the sound. “After a while the possibility of being with anyone else just felt … gross. You can ask Wonwoo — we had a few particularly miserable nights of drinking about it.”

You ruffle his hair. “You talked about me to your friends?”

“Almost constantly for almost as long as I’ve known you,” he confirms. “They’re so sick of me.”

You tsk softly, wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder. “They deserve for us to take them to dinner,” you say, lightly scratching up and down his back. You can’t help but sigh in relief — Mingyu’s touch feels like stepping inside from the cold. You can feel yourself relaxing against him, your heartbeat slowing.

After several minutes of holding each other like this, Mingyu extricates himself. “One second, baby,” he says, pecking you on the forehead. 

“Where are you going?” you ask, wincing at the whine in your voice. 

“I just need to text my housemate,” he calls over his shoulder as he disappears into one of the bedrooms. “I’m gonna tell him not to come home.”

You suddenly become painfully aware of the pink lingerie buried in your duffel bag. 

If it’s been awhile since you’ve kissed anyone, it’s been an age since you’ve had sex. And on top of that, all the sex you’ve had has been at worst embarrassing and at best okay. To say you’re nervous is an understatement — more nervous than you were the first time you ever undressed in front of a man, and you’re still fully clothed.

So you just wait for him to come back, smiling at him as he re-enters the room, flops onto the couch, and lays his head in your lap. You almost automatically run your fingers through the slightly longer hair on top of his head, letting your fingernails lightly brush against his scalp. He nestles into you and sighs. “So, what do you want to do tonight?”

You can’t help the choked laugh that escapes you. “Well…” you begin, as you blush and Mingyu looks up at you in alarm. 

“Oh,” he realizes, sitting up. “That was such a leading question. I didn’t mean it like that.”

You put a gentle hand to his cheek. “I know you didn’t,” you say. “But…”

At your hesitation, he shakes his head. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. I just told Wonwoo to stay out because I want us to have uninterrupted time together before we need to go take care of Sara.”

The anxiety leaves you almost instantly. “Thanks,” you say in relief. “Um…are you hungry? You’ve cooked for me so often. It might be fun to do a little role reversal tonight.”

“I’m starving,” he admits, “but what if I take you out to a restaurant?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Looking like this?” you ask, gesturing to yourself.

“We could change?” he suggests. 

“How’s this for compromise,” you say, feeling like he just doesn’t want you to do anything for him tonight. “We order takeout. I know this great pizza place.”

His face lights up. “Pizza sounds amazing.”

45 minutes later, you’re both tucked into Mingyu’s comforter on the sofa, eating pizza with your legs tangled together. “Let’s pick a movie,” Mingyu says with his mouth partially full.

You nod, handing him the remote. The two of you scroll through options before settling on Legally Blonde. When you bring up that you think Mingyu is only watching the movie for you, he side-eyes you comically. “This is one of my favorite movies!” he insists, and you let him have it.

But there’s starting to be an issue. The adrenaline of the impulsive decision to come to him and confess has worn off, and in its place is a new, unfamiliar, and powerful feeling. An unbearable ache you barely recognize, coming from body parts that haven’t been touched in years. And you definitely aren’t surprised that you’re attracted to Mingyu, but you are surprised at how turned on you are by him in his tank top, eating pizza straight out of the box. You’re practically salivating as you watch him watch the movie.

It doesn’t take long for him to notice. “Um, baby,” he says. “Everything okay?”

He’s got a little piece of cheese at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes are big and slightly concerned. Before you realize what you’re saying, you blurt out, “I wanna do it!”

“Do what?” he asks, bewildered.

“Do you,” you clarify. You grin sheepishly at him.

He chuckles a little, watching you carefully. “Are you sure?” he says once he can see you’re serious.

“Well, unless you don’t want to,” you backtrack, realizing that in your painful need for him you’d forgotten his feelings.

He raises an eyebrow. “No, I most definitely want to,” he says, scooting closer to you. He lightly brushes his fingers over your cheekbones, his touch sending a jolt of desire through your body. “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to. We can take it slow.”

“Mingyu,” you say, closing the distance between the two of you and taking his face in your hands. “We’ve been taking it slow for four months. I’m officially finished going slow with you.” You puff out a breath, uttering a quiet but desperate “please” that fades into the air like smoke, and before it has, Mingyu has pulled you into his arms and stood up off the couch. He kisses you deeply, catching your bottom lip between his teeth in a gentle bite that has you gasping for air. He stumbles blindly to the bathroom with your legs locked around his waist, sitting you down on the counter to continue kissing you, only pulling back to pull your sweatshirt up and over your head to reveal the bare skin and bra underneath.

And then, at a dizzying pace, he’s kissing down your cheek, down your neck, across your shoulder, feathering kisses over every freckle there until he’s brushing your bra strap to the side while one hand at your back slides up to unhook it. 

You find yourself wishing you had a camera present for the way Mingyu’s face looks when he sees your bare chest for the first time. You half-expect him to bury his face in your breasts, so you tug him closer by the waistband of his sweats and press yourself closer to him, his fingers drawing lines of fire up and down the bare skin of your back as you hook your legs around him once more.

You’re tugging on his tank top, now, discarding the useless material so you can finally let his warmth completely envelope you skin-to-skin. He lifts you up off the counter and sets you down gently, taking a step back and gesturing to your shorts. “Need those off, baby,” he says, running a hand through his hair before smoothly untying the lace at the front of his own sweats and slipping them off.

But now it’s your turn to stare. You’d never really been given the chance to appreciate a naked body in such a present way, but you weren’t about to waste the opportunity when that body was Mingyu’s. You let your eyes roam over every perfect inch of him, only allowing yourself to look back at his eyes when he says your name. “You okay, love?” he says softly, taking a hesitant step closer. 

You laugh softly. “That is not nearly a strong enough word.” You finally reach down and remove your own shorts, and Mingyu sucks in a breath from between his teeth. “Damn,” he exclaims, looking you up and down briefly before grabbing your hand and pulling you into the bedroom you can see through the other bathroom door. 

He climbs into bed, under the covers, and pats the space next to him. You crawl in beside him as he pulls on a condom and then puts his hand to your cheek. “You ready?” he asks.

You’re breathless, you’re sweating, and you need him biblically. So you whisper “yes,” and Mingyu’s pulling you in for a deep, slow, spine-tingling kiss, his eyes fluttering shut, shifting his weight so that he’s hovering over you.

But then he does something you don’t expect, trailing kisses from your chin down your neck and chest. When he stops to drag his tongue over your nipples, you squirm a little, getting more and more heated by the minute. After a few minutes spent worshiping your breasts, he continues kissing down your body, pausing when he reaches your waist. “This okay?” he asks. 

“Yes,” you say, about two octaves higher than your normal voice, and he grins before his next question.

“Can I go lower, sweetie?”

This is new. No one has ever offered to eat you out before, and you’re suddenly insecure.

Mingyu can see it on your face. “It’s just so that you can feel good,” he reassures. “If you don’t want it, I won’t do it.”

“No, it’s fine,” you say quickly. “It’s just new. But I trust you.”

“New?” he questions with raised eyebrows.

“My first time,” you confirm.

He scoffs. “Then I guess I have to make up for lost time,” he says, pulling your legs over his shoulders and going to work.

And you can’t help the sharp intake of air, nor the moans that escape you, because this feeling is one of the best you’ve ever felt in your life. Mingyu eats like his life depends on it, and your back arches in pleasure as he responds to your sounds, learning what makes you feel best. Your hand finds the back of his head, and you find yourself wishing he had more hair that you could grab as you tremble with his efforts.

It doesn’t take long before the pleasure overtakes you, washing over you in a warm wave and making you feel all floaty and euphoric, your whole body seizing and twitching feverishly as Mingyu works you down from your high. When he finally pulls back, his mouth wet and grinning, you have to remind yourself how to breathe. “How was it?” he asks. 

You can only shake your head and stare at him, dumbfounded. He laughs, then kneels in front of you on the bed so you can see how hard he’s gotten. “Can I?” he asks you, and in response you sit up and kiss him before pulling him down by his neck on top of you, guiding him inside of you.

You whimper a bit at the stretch, but Mingyu’s left you wet enough that it slides right in, and it feels amazing. “You okay, baby?” he checks again, and you chuckle.

“Yeah, just kiss me, Gyu,” you say, almost drunkenly, and the nickname on your dazed lips is almost enough to bring him to his own climax. But Mingyu is a good listener, so while he thrusts into you, he kisses you, over and over and over again, pausing every now and then to kiss your neck so that he can hear you moan into his ear.

“Good girl,” he says after a particularly loud one. “Talk to me. I wanna hear it.”

“How does it feel for you?” you ask him breathlessly.

“Like heaven, baby,” he grunts. “You’re so good. So, so good.”

You come another two times with him inside you, the last bringing on his orgasm. He collapses on top of you with a moan right in your ear that nearly undoes you yet again – so you can know how good you really are – and the weight of him is once again what brings you back down to earth. Your brain is hopelessly mushy, and your legs are shaking, and you have never been so satisfied.

After a minute, Mingyu pulls out and rolls off of you, chuckling. “Wow,” he says simply.

“Wow,” you agree, blinking rapidly to try and clear your head. 

He props himself up on his side and looks at you, his eyes devouring your body like a man starved. With a shaking hand, he traces the outline of your figure, from the curve of your shoulders to your waist to the widest point of your hips. “Can’t believe how lucky I am,” he says, moony-eyed and smitten. “God, you’re amazing.”

“Was it really that good for you?” you ask him, a little shy.

“Easily the best I’ve ever had,” he says. He sits up, pulling his condom off, and heads into the bathroom, returning in minutes with a towel and some wipes. And then he cleans you, kissing your thighs as he gently wipes you off, and your heart skips a beat as you watch him. Once again, nobody has ever done this sort of thing for you, leaving you feeling odd after every sexual encounter – almost used. 

“Me too,” you say softly, knowing how you must be looking at him. “Do you want to shower?” you ask him when he catches you staring yet again. 

“Yeah,” he says with a smile.

The rest of the evening is spent in comfortable, peaceful companionship. You tease Mingyu over his 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, and he responds by making out with you in the shower, which leads to both of you almost falling on the slick wet tiles. “Can’t help it,” he says with a laugh when you scold him, gripping the top edge of the shower and holding you around the waist to keep you upright. “I’m addicted to you.”

After the shower Mingyu hands you one of his softest big white t-shirts to wear, snapping several photos of you on his phone when you come out wearing it. “I miss you sometimes,” he explains, and you chuckle. “And I wanna remember tonight. I’m not exaggerating – it’s been the best one of my life.”

Finally, the two of you decide to actually finish Legally Blonde. You fall asleep before it’s over, but he stays up watching the way your eyelashes flutter in sleep, feeling that the sight of you curled up against his chest is the only sight he needs for the rest of his life.

And that’s how you end up spending the entire first night over at Mingyu’s sleeping on the couch in his arms.

***

“It’s Saturday,” you mumble into Mingyu’s neck.

“Mmm,” he agrees sleepily.

“So we can sleep in,” you sigh.

His arms constrict around your waist. “Sara,” he murmurs.

The word makes you open your eyes. The first thing you register is how warm it is – Mingyu’s big body is radiating heat like a furnace, intensified by how snugly he’s holding you against him. So you gently ease off his side and sit up, brushing a kiss over his cheekbone before heading to the bathroom. 

You’re a wreck, your hair a knotty mess, in nothing but Mingyu’s tee. But your eyes — there’s something vibrant in them you haven’t seen in a while. There’s still a sizable amount of grief, a weight you doubt will ever fully be lifted, but you look happier.

You pull out one of the sweaters and a pair of jeans that Bora had packed for you and change, rolling your eyes at the lingerie still sitting in your bag. You’re just finishing up braiding your hair when Mingyu sits up. “Hey, sexy,” he calls across the room into the bathroom, his morning voice low and raspy.

“Hey,” you reply, smiling with the ease only he brings out of you. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really well,” he says, standing up and stretching. Then he comes into the bathroom with you, wrapping his thick arms around your waist and pressing a kiss to the base of the back of your neck. “I love you.”

You lean into his touch and let the joy sweep over you. “Good,” you say firmly. “I love you too, Mingyu.”

“I like the braids,” he says, looking at you both in the mirror, slouching to rest his head on your shoulder. “They’re really cute.”

“Thanks.”

“Maybe I can learn to do them on Sara,” Mingyu says, letting go of you and stepping into his own room and grabbing new clothes. 

You shamelessly watch him as he strips out of his pajamas. “Maybe,” you murmur as he turns, shirtless, and catches you staring.

He grins. “You’re watching me change? Creep,” he teases.

So you make your slow way up to him, stopping just in front of him and sliding a hand from his abs up his chest. “Can’t help it,” you say lightly, watching in satisfaction as his cinnamon skin becomes a mess of goosebumps under your fingers. “You’re irresistible.”

He gives a grumpy sigh. “You better stop, or Sara’s gonna have to wait a couple more days before she sees either of us,” he says, and you are endeared to see that he’s blushing. Mingyu knew the effect you had on him, but that doesn’t make it any easier for him to rebuff you when you’re standing there with the morning light streaming in, lighting up your eyes, dragging your warm fingertips across his chest slowly and deliberately like you just want to savor him. 

His words make you frown, but he gives a light chuckle and kisses your forehead. “Don’t worry,” he reassures you. “We’ll have plenty of time for just us. I’ll make sure of it.” He pulls on his shirt and his sweatpants, then grabs your hand. “Now let’s go see our little girl.”

Your face hurts from smiling so wide, and at this statement, your heart explodes.

***

Aside from all the I-told-you-so’s, the transition from a working relationship to a dating relationship with Mingyu was simple, easy, and absolutely painless. 

He still came over every day. But now Sara watched as you kissed him goodbye in the morning on your way to work. She didn’t seem confused at all by the change, nor did she notice that more and more often Mingyu stayed the night at your house. In her mind, Uncle Googoo was always welcome. It was as natural as breathing.

Maybe it was because you were still doing all of the same things you always did – you’d just added a few. Mingyu had always fit so seamlessly into your life. The two of you were happy, Sara was content, your friends were thrilled – Bora and Wonwoo especially, although Chan also took partial credit – and everything seemed perfect.

And then something shifted, just a tad. It was about a month after you became official. Mingyu spent a bit of time every night searching things up on his laptop. Occasionally, he spent a few minutes outside on the phone, never giving a direct answer when you asked who he’d been talking to.

He never acted off – he was still as affectionate (and insatiable for your body) as ever, so you weren’t nervous he was seeing someone else. Your first concern was that he was shopping for wedding rings. As smitten as you were with him, you worried that was a bit soon for two people who’d only been dating a month (although, admittedly, you’d already filled up a Pinterest board with ideas for the eventual wedding you hoped for). But then, after about two weeks, one of the phone calls comes while Mingyu is making dinner and you’re upstairs in Sara’s room trying to locate her hairbrush, and he can’t suppress a whoop of excitement.

“I need you,” he calls, and you respond by jogging down the stairs with concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing, I just have some news.” He carefully removes the pan from the stove and comes over to you, pulling you into his arms.

“What is it?” you ask, your hand coming up to touch his cheek.

“They caught him,” he says simply.

“Who, baby?” you ask, confused.

“The guy who hit your sister’s car,” he explains.

Your jaw drops. “What?”

“I’ve been working on it,” he admits. “I have some friends on the force, and a couple of informants leftover from my days as an agent. Someone knew someone who knew the car, and they knew the person who used to drive the car, and it turns out that the parking lot where it was abandoned had security cameras. He’s right there on camera, literally fifteen minutes after the accident. They arrested him two hours ago.”

You are speechless. Mingyu lifts you into his arms, and you bury your face in his neck. “Oh, thank you,” you say through tears when you can finally speak. “So that’s what you’ve been up to.”

“What did you think I was doing?” he asks.

“I literally thought you were looking at wedding rings.”

He laughs. “No,” he says. “Not yet.”

You hear the promise in his voice and know that the future is going to be better than you ever imagined – just like the present is.

[trippygalaxy]

(Click for better quality)

@vaathnaos @whiteperle3 @willowthearts

SOOOOO I was kinda bored and wanted to attempt to draw myself in some of my favourite styles! Idk how close I got but Im pretty proud of how they turned out!

And imma ramble under the cut about these artists cause i love their art so much and they deserve all the attention <3

While I went through their art, I noticed a few things about their art styles. Each have their own 'focus,' intentional or not, that really makes their style...theirs! Ill mostly be talking about faces rn but i might go on to more later!

Aria: Her style focus is eyes (iris) and expressions Willows: Her style focus is hair (complex) and eye liner/shape Vaati: His style focus is Noses/face stucture and hair (simple)

What I mean by this is that when you see their art, you will notice that these 'focuses' are the most unique and tailored part of their art.

Vaati's exaggerated noses, Willows complex hair styles and Aria's expressive eyes are all so attuned to their style that it really feels like those are the most recognizable and eye catching part of their art (if we take out the amazing shading/colouring, dynamic poses and generally awesomeness.) This isnt to say that these are the only things that make their style their own, these are simply the most front facing thing that those only giving a glance will notice. But I, having looked very deeply at each style to attempt to replicate, have noticed a good many things.

LETS TALK ABOUT EARS >:D

They ALL draw elf ears SO differently! Vaati strives for diversity in shapes and size while Willow and Aria carry similar shapes throughout their art, but just point in different directions (depending on the oc) but tend to be outwards. There is also to say that because of Aria's more 'chibi' art style that hers have a more simplistic shape/anatomy but she is still able to keep them from looking plain by adding beautiful earrings!

OH AND EYEBROWS!

Arias are simple- very much so. Just being tiny, thin lines, but this is PERFECT to helps her with creating more dramatic expressions which works amazingly with her style, which wouldn't fix in at all compared to the other two styles here.

Willows are a little thicker, but are more akin to the perfect eyebrows u see in magazines and stuff. They arent as expressive compared to Aria or Vaati but she is brilliant with her way of drawing eyes + mouths to convey the wanted expression!

Vaati is able to use complex (shapes and thickness) shapes as eyebrows SO well! Most (including myself) would have issues with such shapes and keeping them looking natural, but Vaati expertly uses them, adding a dramatic flair to his expressions!

I COULD RAMBLE ON FOREVER ABOUT THESE STYLES- i really really could, but shall refrain for now!

ANYWAYS! if you three got to the bottom of this, I hope you guys didnt mind the ramble and...you lost the game :D

[drivinmeinsane]

Thoughts on Sierra Six as a romantic partner

He's afraid that he's going to end up just like his father, cruel and negligent. Six still frets despite you reassuring him that if he cares enough to worry about it, it means he's nothing like his father. He loves you so much that he would disappear forever if it meant your safety. He's scared shitless when it comes to his own feelings about you. It takes the longest time for him to say the words "I love you". He only smiles for you and Claire. He's got a very dry sense of humor that only comes out around the two of you. He always remember the minute details. Six would never forget an anniversary. He does routine things for you. Do you like to have coffee in the mornings. He'll have it ready at the perfect time for when you walk into the kitchen. Do you always take a nightly shower? He has the water running at the right temp the instant you decide to jump in. He may not verbally say a whole lot, but it's clear in his actions how much he cares for the two of you. He's terrible about putting his own needs first. Whenever either of you have even the smallest injury or mildest illness, he silently stresses non-stop. Some nights, his fears for your safety rachet up so high that he would pace a trail into the ground for hours if you don't catch him and stop him. He's putty in your hands the moment you grab his arm to halt him. You always manage to put him at ease with your reassurances. Despite his schedule, he makes a concentrated effort to be present. During family game nights, the trained mercenary isn't afraid to use every tactical advantage he has (including cheating!!) because he knows he'll get thrashed otherwise. He didn't grow up with anything resembling a healthy childhood (or adulthood) and one of the byproducts of that is how inexperienced and unequipped for most games or leisure activities he is. He's well practiced at cards though, and you and Claire have to play him two against one to stand a chance. He adores physical touch. Hugs and light punches in the arm from Claire always ease some of the permanent tension on his face. From you, he enjoys so many things. Allowing himself to lightly doze after your adopted daughter goes to bed is made even better if you gently run your fingers through his hair while he lays with his cheek pillowed on your thigh. All he knows is duty and self-sacrifice. He spent years making sure emotions didn't get the best of him, but that all changes once he has a family. He never thought he would get to have a partner and a daughter. He has such tender emotions for no one else. He has such loyalty for no one else. Six spends most of his days expecting the other shoe to finally drop. He is certain that you'll grow tired of him one of these days. He has nothing to offer you but himself. The man can't seem to fathom that you stay with him because he's him. He never meant to tell you the name his momma gave him in another life, but it slips out one night while the two of you are sitting together. You gently take his hand and repeat it. He thinks that hearing his name in your mouth might be what finally kills him.

18+ thoughts below the cut.

He always takes his time with you. You're something special in his life that he can never rush or take for granted. You get to feel the intensity of his undivided attention. When it's time, pleasuring you is his only mission. He won't rest until you're completely satisfied, even if he goes untouched. His own gratification is secondary to yours. Six's favorite way of having you is wrapping his muscular arms around your thighs and holding your legs pinned wide so he can provide oral. He gets off on servicing you (Has he came untouched while doing so? Yes.). He's not a submissive man. Either in or out of the bedroom, but for you, he'll be soft and yielding. He draws the line at most pet names, given the Lloyd situation that occured in Prague. While the concept of a quickie doesn't cross his mind, sometimes he can be rough in his desperation. There's been jobs he's come back from where his grip is close to bruising and he tosses you on the bed like a ragdoll (with your enthusiastic consent of course) no matter your size. He's vocal during sex. Six doesn't talk much, but his grunts and growls tell the story of just good you make him feel. He's always hoarse the following morning.

[kimikitti]

"It saddens me that there are very few occasions in which I find appropriate to invite you, old friend. There is nothing I wish for more than to enjoy a bit of time in your presence like we used to so long ago. It's funny really, how quickly time has slipped us by...

Enough about the past, as I'm sure you have more important things to do than read my old ramblings. I have found myself host of a new celebration, one that you'd be most interested in attending. Recently, a new charge has stumbled into my court. A rather peculiar child from worlds unknown who is of a rather unique disposition. Neither this or that, if you understand what I mean. But when has life ever been that simple?

Against the protests of my aides, I find myself rather compelled to accept him into the fold and as such will be hosting a marvelous evening of festivities. If I do recall correctly, you too have a wonderful little heir under your care. I would assume that he is rambunctious and antsy all cooped up in that castle of yours (just as I recall you were at that age). This would be a wonderful learning opportunity for him to see how we in the Spring Meadows truly have a good time.

Who knows, perhaps both of our heirs may start a new cycle just as we did all those years ago.

Forever yours.

Titania"

(Ok, so last post I included a self indulgent sketch for an AU that I have been cooking up where Obi is adopted by the fairy queen. So this is the scene of when Obi (He goes by Oberon in this AU) meets Malleus. I am definitely not coping after chapter 7 don't look at me. )

(I just wanted to draw babies ok? stop looking at my shame. This is so self indulgent. )

(Also I tried to include hints about Oberon's abilities in his design but I would love to draw more of this AU. SO maybe Ill be posting more.)

[cixel-jewel]

👋🏾 Hello everyone.

After a lot of thought, I have decided to delete my profile. It will be gone on

November 16th, 2024

Again, thank you all again for the love and the support. Have fun over here, stay safe, and I love yall so much!!

Click the read below for context.

It's been forever since I've been on here. And I wanted to apologize for it. But I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to come back.

When I started this blog, it was so much fun drawing soft bellies and fluff, and I'm sure you've all enjoyed it as well. You all loved Ronnie, Eugene, and Azai so much and I can't thank you all enough for it. The art raffle with y'alls oc's and the stuffing drive for Eugene was so much fun too! Managing the blog itself had become a lot to handle however.

I hadn't known how to properly use tumblr back when I started, with default pfps specifically. I had originally thought that it was just users with no pfp. But with learning that most of them could've been bots I started blocking away. At that time default pfps had liked my old art posts and it was taking forever to block them. It was getting overwhelming. (its easy blocking blogs with no age/not 18+ -- as any nsfw blog should think. 👀)

Along with that, with my current living situation I don't have as much time to draw like I want to. I've tried to convince myself to gather the courage and leave said situation- and combined with CPTSD, severe anxiety and AUdhd, it's almost impossible. Especially without a support group irl that could help get me out of it. (hopefully ill get out of it soon :> )

And belly kink in general isn't in my mind constantly like it used to. I mean, I still LOVE IT don't get me wrong. But it's hard for me to actively draw it out without it in my mind. I made this blog so that I can passionately enjoy it- not turn it into some chore.

With all of these things combined, I would have periods where I wouldn't post for months at a time. Which I absolutely hated. But as time went by I realized that I didn't have this blog on my mind as much anymore and couldn't easily get back on it. Hence this post. I couldn't leave this blog without some sort of explanation, it wouldn't be fair to just delete it out of the blue and leave y'all confused.

I want to thank the few people who have commissioned me and have won in the art raffle. It was so much fun drawing everyone's oc's!! (the most patient people I've ever met omfg). Thank you to the two people who have donated to my KoFi. Those generous commissions and donations have helped me with bills. Thank you to my mutuals who's art gave me the inspiration to start this blog in the first place. And thank you to all of my followers who still check in every now and then, It's been so fun posting art of my characters and engaging with all of you!!

Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I love you all so much!!! - CJ💎

May all of your lives be filled with joy, laughter, and ofc round full bellies oh! or empty bellies~ :D !!!

DATE OF DELETION: November 16th, 2024

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

[tomorrowusa]

Texas gives us a peek at what the US would be like under a Trump dictatorship. Check out the authoritarian Texas Republican platform.

The Texas Republican Party approved its new platform at its annual convention last week. It reflects the hard-right stances of its members, with reiterations of Texas’s “right to secede,” demands for bans on quarantines during future pandemics, calls to investigate “unidentified aerial phenomena,” and more. Tucked in between these more outlandish provisions is an ominous one that would effectively end representative democracy in Texas—and keep the state firmly in GOP hands even as it becomes increasingly diverse and urban. The platform calls for the establishment of what can best be described as an electoral college of sorts for Texas statewide races. “The State Legislature shall cause to be enacted a State Constitutional Amendment to add the additional criteria for election to a statewide office to include the majority vote of the counties with each individual county being assigned one vote allocated to the popular majority vote winner of each individual county,” the new plank declared.

The Texas state electoral college would essentially give Loving County (population: 64) equal representation with Houston's Harris County (population: 4,780,913).

It is hard to imagine that such a system as the Texas GOP has proposed would comply with the one-person, one-vote principle, to put it lightly. Texas has 254 counties, some of which are extremely sparsely populated. Loving County, which is on the state’s western border with New Mexico, counted only 64 residents during the 2020 census, making it the least populous county in the United States. Eight Texas counties are home to fewer than 1,000 people, and an additional 86 counties each have fewer than 10,000 inhabitants.

I'm sure Justice Alito and Justice Thomas wouldn't stand in the way of such a warped and undemocratic system.

In a decision last month on a racial-gerrymandering case from South Carolina, Thomas once again called for those precedents to be overturned. He argued that the Constitution gave the federal courts no role to countermand how states draw their political divisions, even if they do so to weaken or eliminate Black electoral power. Thomas even expressed doubt about the validity of the high court’s efforts to enforce Brown v. Board of Education in the face of widespread resistance to desegregation from Southern states.

Republicans are making no secret about their opposition to democracy in America; they are downright blatant about it. They love Russia which is run by a dictator chosen in sham elections with economic power in the hands of billionaire oligarchs. Outside the largest cities, Russians live in poverty with a quarter of the rural population still using outhouses. That is what Trump really means by making America "great".

The national election is five months away. There's plenty of time to avoid a Russia with a Texas accent type of government. But you need to make a commitment to be more politically active in real life, contribute more to counter the tens of billions raised by Trump, and to light a fire under political slackers you know personally. Like illness, politics almost never gets better without proper care.

[alitteraladhdmess]

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᭙ꫀꪶᨶꪮꪑꫀ ᡶꪮ ꪑꪗ ꪉꪶꪮᦋ

It’s mainly ROTTMNT and some,,,other stuff. I play DnD! Ask me questions and chill:)

RIP Secret draw box!!🫶🏽

Please don’t ask me for donations. I can’t help you.

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Wanna talk to some of my characters from Night Eyes au? Find them in this blog @thenightfallen (don’t actually- i lost the log in)

Like my art but not the reblogs? My side blog can help with that! Complete organization of just my art:) Right here baby~ @overstimmed

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Important!!

Please be nice to people, they have a life just as you and I will give a warning and/or block you for being mean to innocence

Don’t send asks about politics

NSFW, TCEST, PROSHIP DNI

I do like gory stuff and depict it in some of my drawings. Posts with gun violence, graphic imagery, physical abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, and murder will be flagged with red.

More mild things such as blood, mentions of suicide or suicidal thoughts, triggering mental illnesses, emotional abuse (not saying this isn’t as bad as other types of abuse), and dead bodies will be flagged orange. I may add color to posts that have fluff. If I do it’ll probably be green.

If you have a problem with something that I make, whether that’s a drawing or something I wrote in my book, keep it to yourself unless it’s a genuine issue. No one cares and you whining about it won’t change anything, respectfully.

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More v

Tags

TTUS - Tethered To Us (the turtle tots were infused with a shadow crystal and now have cool creatures attached to their souls)

BFO - Bloom From Oblivion (post movie events where the turtles are put into the doomed timeline)

NEYE - Night Eyes (doomed timeline where Donnie is the soul survivor)

VCLS - Voiceless (comfort au, mute Donatello and good future)

2BY2 - 2 by 2 (Tmnt iteration and based off rottmnt)

♥️literaladhdart♥️ - self explanatory, used for all art

Jay txt - general stuff (including reblogs, non art content, content not including rottmnt)

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ROTTMNT

(Color coded for who the au is mainly focused on, no color is focused on everyone)

Tethered To Us: masterpost

Bloom from Oblivion: masterpost

Night Eyes: masterpost

Voiceless: masterpost

2 by 2: (unannounced)

Little Persephone: masterpost

mini comics

doodles

Sister Comics

Part 1 / Part 2

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Art requests

Currently closed to new requests

(Don’t bother me)

Rules

The same as my general blog rules^

Please keep requests inside my fandom. I love all the cool new characters I’m seeing but I’d rather draw my turtleyboos. And it’s easier to make good art with characters that I know how to draw;)

That being said ask for what you want and I’ll get to you when I can

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Mutual Appreciation!!

(Don’t take ranks as competition or anything bad pls, it’s just a fun thing based on how/how often I interact with my moots)

Rank 5 moots: @ghosty-0w0

Rank 4 moots: @cupofcappuccy

Rank 3 moots: 😪

Rank 2 moots: @b00tyyyshker9000 @minty-cofffee @amat3ured1t0r @justmesadlysry @andistarbee @animal-lover-forever @bettertwin9000

Rank 1 moots: @theycallmehummus @disastertwins25 @rayryebread @nerdywebber @saintofthevoid @tiredallthetimeforreal @seasidefanasties @turtles-hurtles-with-gurtles @turtlepanic @crow-the-fox @starlingyarg @kraang5 @kerosene-doc @psychwardsystem @livewire11211 @littlemissartemisia @kinky-asexual @ignominious-scoundrel

Sry to anyone who doesn’t like the tagging

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[littlesheeneffect]

She's My Husband (Part 10) ❤️

Miles Maitland x yn (AFAB Genderfluid)

So, Miles moved most of his things in to what I so loved to hear him call, "our home". Though, due to not wanting more ill light to spread, he made sure to spend his nights at Maitland Hall at least three times a week, and make it seem as though he still lived there. He said, "I dont want anyone to get any awful ideas into their dirty minds about the character of you, y/n. Having a man come and stay with you- they might get it into their heads that we are not married," he added, with that mischievously cheeky grin and clap of his hands.

Nina and Adam came over to visit quite a bit as well, wich was a very welcomed taste to how things used to be.

Miles newfound job as a part time editor of a local paper, one that covered the latest scandals and gossips, was a windfall. He could then keep a pulse on any suspicions around any of us.

A couple weeks went by like that.

We still shared my bed as it was the only one I had and there wasn't room for another. Yet to Nina's surprise, we would fall asleep holding hands and never so much as thought of doing anything more.

Then came a fateful day, that will forever live in my memory. A dark rainy day, not unlike many others.

Miles had spent the last couple nights at the Hall, and had planned to come over after work and errands. I was busy finishing up some typewriting for a book I was writing. A book he so diligently inquired about, but I kept the story secret. It was half past three when a knock came at the door, and a familiar face was met.

....

In the heat of afternoon town, Miles gathered his few small items wrapped in brown paper from the shop and began walking down the cobblestone. A broad shoulder pushed past before a voice called, making him pause and turn. "Maitland, what are you doing here?"

"My, my- Tiger LaBeauchere; How on ever are you doing?" Miles turned, recognizing the fellow. An old admirer from a couple years back. "I'm good, how's it been with the gang? I hear some odd things. Terrible news about Agatha," he said drawing closer. "Oh, yes. Awful awful, she really is such a doll, poor thing."

Tiger nearly cut Miles off, "Say, um," he gave a few quick glances about before drawing even closer and continued, "I hear you've taken up a new lover. Is it true all I've heard about it?" Miles retracted and slightly furrowed his brow, "It?"

"Yeah, the, um, well- I've heard it's a she. But not. More like a he." The tone of his voice drawing a feeling from Miles he didn't have much experience with, though it rose his blood. "I believe it is none of your concern Tiger, but to get to your point, however deranged it may be- I do have a lover and I don't know what you've been told." He made himself mutter most of it to withdraw any unwanted attention.

"I didn't mean to offend you Miles," Tiger straighten himself and put a hand on Miles shoulder, as they continued walking. "I just, you are different than other guys. She is still a she, no matter how good her Masquerading is. And I know you," Miles paused and turned to him, calmly yet decidedly, "Well, clearly not. I intend to live out my entire life with y/n, and marry if she will have me. I know we thought we had good times Tiger, but I love her with all my heart. Nothing will stand in between us, except ourselves." Tiger was agast and speechless.

"Nice to see you Tiger, good day." Miles spun on his heel and headed home in the drizzling rain, in the light of the shops.

....

I stood, shock reining my face. "See ya 'round, lovey!" The Scottish voice rang out as the man left down the street. "What if Miles doesn't want it?" I called. He turned quickly. "That won't be a big deal," he shook his head pettishly. I felt the jostle in my arms and had to tear myself back to the scene before me. In my arms, was a small baby. Thankfully it was a dog, yet none the less just as shock inducing.

'Old english sheepdog, ay?" I finally got the mutter out, as I looked into it's squirmy little face. "What in the heck." I sighed, turning and going in the house.

After another half hour, I head the door unlock and Miles enter. "I'm home darling! And I brought you something I think you'll really enjoy," his look of blissful joy to be home, froze when I clambered into the entrance with a whining puppy at my feet.

"Oh Miles! I'm so glad you're back," I went to hug him but the pup ran in the way, making me draw back. "Wh-where did he come from?" He asked surprised. "Um, Ginger Littlejohn stopped by and said he didn't have any where to put the pup and wanted to see if I'd like to take him on. Trust me- I wasn't intending to keep him unless you want to!"

Miles' face showed a wave of confusion, and the shadow of deep emotion that I couldn't pin down.

"Ginger? From the night with, with the Bobbys. The redhead, he, he came here again?" He asked, not really looking at me. "Yes, yes he stopped by today. H-He," His sudden voice broke through my concerned one- "Did you invite him in?" "I did, but we just stood out on the stairs and he gave me the puppy. If, is there something wrong Miles?" I asked worriedly.

He shook his head and exhaled. "No l, it's just..." he looked off, embarrassed, angered even. I never seen him like that, and didn't know what to make of it.

"He, he's stopped by before. I don't think he means any harm Miles, we should be alright." I tried, thinking he was concerned about people. "He has?!" Suddenly odd emotion broke forth, his eyes reaching mine. A threat of extreme brokenness in them- I was stunned. "D-do, do you, are you seeing him?" He near muttered holding back glistening tears.

"Miles" I gasped, speechless, "Why, wh-what would make you even think such a thing?" "He stops by when I'm not around, he brings you gifts, you never even mentioned it. It's like how it all felt the time the police were here," he replied shakily.

"Miles, I was only like that before to keep on our cover. I don't think anything of -" he cut me off with his hurt and tearful frustration, "Well, you sure didn't mind it! Him and his magic tricks, his flirting with you. You just went along with it, you are still going along with it, y/n. An, and I just," tears broke loose. But when I raised my hand to comfort him, he pulled away and shielded his face.

"No, no. I am fine. If you wanted someone else, you could've just told me, y/n. I will never stand in between you and your happiness again." He added coolly, before suddenly gathering himself and heading to the door. "Wait, Miles- I, it's not like that. I, I would never, please" I stammered on the verge of breaking down myself.

He quickly opened the door before choking out, "Good night, y/n. I, I am going back to, to the Hall."

.... To Be Continued......

[ask-pokeprofvoid]

Where have I been? (OOC)

heya guys, I know i have been basically dead for a while (thanks mental health) and left alot of people in the dark of what was happening. Theres no pretty way to say this but my meds stopped working on the 15th of feburary. A month I was planning to actually come back to Rotumblr since I genuinely missed the community. So, Since ive been gone ill give a rundown on things that have happened to catch everyone up. I am planning to come back dont worry but I feel like you all deserve to know what was going on. -in december I got very ill with an unknown infection, I still have it as of the 31st of march (today when im writing this), I have to go get tests done in april to find out if it is genuinely dangerous or if my body is just being a pain in the ass.

-I have stopped taking my depression medication (not forever) while I wait for a new medication to be perscribed to me.

-I turned 20 irl (yay)

-I am working towards getting a service animal irl

-I got a art tablet and a actual pc so i am no longer drawing with my fingers (my art has improved after learning how to use the new art app and art tab!)

-I shelved Vivianne for a little so I could return to her and tweak things I genuinely dont like about her ( I feel like I made her too stupid when she is ment to be a professor and specialise in magikarp / gyarados) -I am cooking up someone to add to the Rotumblr line up as I will be perma shelving some of the other blogs i own; Viola who will become a side char on Nana alicia's blog, Styxx and Locke (genuinely started to dislike her character as she feels a bit odd to play as)

I know this is long but thank you for reading <3 You all mean so much to me and I cannot wait until i can (eventually) get back on here :) lots of (platonic) love; Mod Void

[coffinpal]

Here are some things for your hillbily au, (Which I love by the way, I blame you for the brainrot),

As someone who grew up around rednecks and cornfields, Just here to share some childhood experiences :)

Always walking barefoot whenever possible. Always, if you don't need shoes, we didn't wear 'em.

Parents randomly coming inside with a snake or turtle, also, so. many. deer. everywhere. You look put the window? Deer. Driving down the road? Deer.

Also turkeys, lots of wild turkeys during fall.

Mushroom hunting! You grab your net bag, some black clothes to avoid ticks, and you run around in the woods looking for morel mushrooms.

Bats somehow breaking into your house, and a buck load of mosquitoes. So many mosquitoes :(

Lots, and lots of fried chicken. I mean like once a week for dinner, always an option at a family function. fried chicken or fried fish.

Lots and lots of Yes Sir's and Yes Ma'am's.

Bruised knees, scraped elbows. Also duct tape as a tempory band-aid until you get inside to clean the boo-boo.

I won't go on forever, but I have one more thing to say.

Lefty would 100% be a religous listener of The Chicks.

Thank you, and goodnight!

Lefty is saying, "Ya gotcherself preetty good 'ere, Dolly."

yes!! i share some of these memories! no one ever used duct tape on me and ive never been mushroom hunting though. ill have to draw them highway blackberry picking :,)

But shoes were optional for me and all of the boys but Lefty don't wear shoes all the time. Lefty just has a favorite pink pair he bought at the dollar store.

Merle makes the best fried chicken and greens. mm

ty for sending these to me! they made me look back on some of my own memories 💖

[fly1ngf0x]

message from simon: pepper, etc, the whole pb fandom

logging back after a long time so i can delete all pb related content from here i give full permission for you to download and archive my old drawings. if you repost them you dont need to credit me i am only active on newgrounds, all pb content there will be deleted too. ill unfollow littlecutething and ill stop supporting him as a creator ill soon cut contact with everyone in the space at all, than ill make one final video on yt about this fandom and my experience. a true goodbye to pretty blood to the people i met in this fandom, dreamy, burger milk, kantri, etc: part of me wants to redeem things between us. but id rather cry because i miss you than be with out and be mean. im sorry our friendships ended up so ugly, but i have to move on. i have to find new interests and make new connections. to everyone who has left the pretty blood fandom: i shouldve followed in your footsteps. i shouldve listened to you, im sorry. i hope you are doing okay <3 and to littlecutething, if he were to see this: fuck you. people think your cool but you're a weird ass fucking prick deep down. you used porn to market your show, one of which being implied cp. which wouldnt be too bad if you didnt let children under 15 just.. chill.. in your space. you knew your mutuals were bullying me, saying horrible things about me that werent true. not only did you ignore it, you took their stories, and you falsely banned me. i have evidence of everything, i will upload it all one day, and you cant stop me. a genuine fuck you to everyone whos made liking pretty blood hell for me. i have been harassed into leaving because of you. all because..? im sensitive? i block people who make me uncomfortable? i obsess for a fictional character? i give you a bad vibe? what is wrong with you. i left you alone, but you continued to gossip behind my back, making so many mutuals hate me. i loved pretty blood. i took so much inspiration from it. but i cant let the bullying affect me anymore. i will truly be gone from pretty blood forever. farewell. - simon helena.

[axewchao]

Decided to turn a couple of my OCs into Zelda races!

Why? Because I know for a fact that I can't just draw Dal n' Rev all day. One day I'll branch out, and that means I need more practice with everything else Hyrule has to offer =w=

'Specially the Zoras. Those damn fish... head... tail... things =_="

I'll be sticking their mini-bios under a readmore :3

Makani

A Gerudo journeying across Hyrule. Blessed with fire magic, she left Gerudo Town to learn how to properly control said power, mainly via fighting as many monsters as she can. She hopes to one day return to the desert and challenge the legendary Molduking. Has an affinity for baking, and has considered establishing her own bakery somewhere pleasant and pretty.

While Makani has a number of goals on her mind, one she struggles with revolves around her eventually finding a voe. She doesn't want to just... have a kid for the sake of adding to the next generation, then waltz off to continue pursuing her own desires like her mother did. She wants to find a husband and start a loving family, but still has dreams, and only has so much time to do either. Subconsciously, she feels like she's being rushed to pick one thing and stick with it forever, which stresses her out.

Dusty

A Goron traveling with Makani. He considers Makani his sworn sister because of the matching heart-shaped marks (okay Dusty's is a rock) on their necks. Like his name implies, he's known for leaving large trails of dust clouds whenever he rolls around. He uses this to his advantage when fighting monsters; blocking their vision with dust, then striking from behind. He can also use the spikes on his back to scale up various walls.

Dusty is particularly fond of crashing into things. Monsters, large rocks, ore deposits, you name it, he'll crash it. Like most other Gorons, he doesn't like the taste of gems, but still collects them to make easy rupees. After hearing about the powers each gem can hold, he's kept one of each type for himself, as he's now debating over whether he should just attach them to his weapons and call it a day or keep more and have them converted into jewelry later. That "diamond circlet" thing sounds pretty badass, after all...

Tuno

A young Zora that was found washed up on the shores of Hateno Beach by Symin some time prior to the events of BotW. Rather than let the child swim back out to the unknowns of the sea, Tuno was instead brought to the Domain, where he was taken in by Laflat. Much like Link, Tuno never says a word, but can communicate with other Zoras by wiggling his fins.

Tuno has abilities similar to that of a puffer fish, in that he can puff up his tail and raise a set of spines to stab/scare any would-be assailants or threats. However, unlike puffer fish, he isn't poisonous in any way. He rarely puffs up, both because he's difficult to scare, and because it looks embarrassingly silly. The one thing that does scare him, however, is Octoroks. It's possible that some kind of Octorok had terrified Tuno in the past, maybe even drove him away from the sea entirely.

Tuna

A Hylian boy who lives at the Woodland Stable. He's Tuno's best friend, and the two are as close as siblings. Tuna often wonders if it's possible for a person to turn into a Zora, and likes to daydream about what his "Zora form" would look like. Prefers playing with the horses rather than actually tending to them, and is often begging his parents to let him start his riding lessons.

For reasons unknown, Tuna is prone to falling ill on the night of a blood moon, often left bedridden by sunset. He's become a sort of alarm at the stable because of this, where if anyone is wondering when a blood moon will rise, they just check on him. If he's feeling dizzy, that means one's coming. He'll recover the following morning without fail, but this doesn't stop his parents and fish bro from worrying about him.

[ca-suffit]

How do you rationalize the violence of the characters on this show? Imo, it's easier when it's self defense or when they're just killing to feed, specially the latter since most are just extras and we don't get to know or be attached to those characters. But there are more complicated cases, including physical and psychological abuse and literally everybody has been the abused and the abuser at some point. Not to/with each other, but definitely other people. There is power imbalance in all of the dynamics. Some may forget that since they keep jumping through timelines where things are perfectly okay or they're closer to making amends and making up. And also because the actors are friends and have chemistry on screen (speaking about the whole cast, not any duo in particular). But technically all main characters have abused each other. Nobody is "safe". So, where to draw the line? Psychological abuse? Physical abuse? The severity of the action (like continuously torturing someone who can't respond or match your strength is definitely worse than one punch, for example)? The frequency of the action, like, as long as it happened once it's okay? When a character is still redeemable/forgivable giving the fact they are immortals, so, in theory, they have eternity to better themselves and see if they can make it work? Or should they all be narratively punished (end up alone, suffering, locked up, dead etc)? What are your thoughts? Btw, I'm genuinely asking. I've become obsessed with this show recently and I haven't been able to talk about it with a lot of people, but I have these questions in my mind. Personally, the more I think about it, the less I know, tbh. It's part of why I love the show and I'm asking, btw. I want to see if I reach some conclusion lol. P.S. I understand if you can't/don't want to answer and I'm sorry this got too long. And if you do answer, feel free to make it long as well if you want, even if you want to make comparisons, add interviews etc. I love reading people's takes hehe. Anywa, thanks!

I don't try to rationalize it tbh. I think that's a goal of the show and the original books as well. What are u supposed to do if u have to "endure" each other forever? What still holds meaning if ur all immortal, how do u have relationships, hobbies, not get bored? Especially when everyone is born from trauma and sometimes that trauma was yesterday and sometimes it was 1000 years ago or 5000 years ago from a society u don't understand at all. How do u bring together so many ppl like that and not erupt on each other?

Trauma and mental illness and whatever else is not always pretty. Violent reactions to things are common and, at least in a society where punitive justice is the norm, we get used to putting these things in these boxes. "u did this bad thing so now ur going to jail / hell." The eternal question of the VC books is where do vampires belong, anyway? Where do they go when they die and for what reasons? Anne Rice never gives a v clear answer on this and it's not just bcuz she wasn't a good writer, the point rly is to just ask the questions. We don't have these answers as humans now, we can't confirm or deny if there's an afterlife and whether these things we do matter for a "soul" or not. We create social rules for many reasons but even those are not actually built on the back of "justice" the way ppl are made to think they are.

I don't think these stories are asking u to find a true "good" or "bad" character or characters. I think we're just meant to watch their choices and reflect on them, reflect on our reactions to them. The fandom's desire for Louis to have done something to "deserve" the drop is all about racism and nothing else. They blame Claudia for "manipulating" Louis into killing Lestat bcuz a black girl is never allowed to be a victim either. She's not even a girl to them anyway, adultification of black girls is another angle they use all the time ("she doesn't look 14 to me!"). They'll say look what Louis did to goad Lestat into fighting him more but they'll never say look what Lestat did to hurt Claudia and push her to that point, as someone who was acting as her parent for most of their lives together. That's always "ooc Lestat." What's happening on screen is a rorschach test for us as the audience and as individuals.

Like I wrote, I don't believe in punitive justice, so I don't think long term these stories are going to focus on that much. The trial was a sham to begin with and Lestat was never "rly" dead or meant to be gone forever. They're going to hurt each other and isolate each other in different ways, but if the show wants to focus on any real character growth, it needs to focus on ways the characters can learn to understand each other instead of banishing / killing each other. Relationships take real work like this too. Anne Rice could never write any of this but I'm hoping the show does. Seeing Lestat have awareness of the pain he caused Louis and the reasons he did it fr was a step in the direction I was hoping the show would go. The big question *is* how does a relationship recover from that? For immortals? How will it make others feel too, particularly Armand, if Louis and Lestat get back together? Will Armand reflect on his own abuse too? They all have a lot in common and they all want to be loved. If that's brought out into the open and treated with kindness and understanding, then the desire to maim and kill each other will greatly diminish tbh. Everything these vampires do to each other originates from a place of personal pain, feeling unlovable. "love is a monster" is one of the taglines for a reason.