#me: when have I ever lied to you? I'm not dying go lay down big stinky

[hellyeahsickaf]

My dog is very distraught that I was struggling to clear my airways. Now she's scratching up the door trying to get someone's attention to tell them to help me. I keep trying to tell her I'm not dying but she's not having it. She does this nearly every time I have to cough or clear my throat a lot and I don't know what I did to deserve her.

[coolprettyleo]

he said he'd love me for all time - connor bedard? ☆

wc: 3.1k

tw: heartbreak. sadness. drinking. partying. lying. angst. etc?

ryan leonard x ex oc

connor bedard x oc

death by a thousand cuts au

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

to the average eye frankie hughes was having the time of her life.

the tabloids were calling the youngest hughes; the newest 'it girl' of nyc, who was seen partying every weekend with big names, modeling for huge brands, and being everyone's newest celebrity crush.

to all her friends and to her ex-boyfriend, it looked like she was totally fine from the breakup, even daring to say she was even benefiting from it a bit.

but that was far from the truth.

the girl had been moving through the world with a heartbroken ever since that windy night in dc, when her whole world turned upside down in what seemed to be in the blink of an eye. she had to learn to live with the fact she was just a chapter in ryan leonards life, while he was her whole book.

but the girl was a real tough kid, and she knew how to handle her shit and put on a facade. a facade for the world, her friends, her family, and even her ex-boyfriend. and she knew how to do it well. a little too well, which she knew was bound to bite her in the ass one day. she could show everyone lies, and she would continue to do that until she felt somewhat okay. she had been doing it since he left anyways.

the only sign of a broken heart she had shown was the fact she had gone slightly manic and dyed her hair blonde, but the brands and the public seemed to love it.

at least someone loved it.

right now was a moment where she had to look okay, more than ever.

she had flown to vegas to show support for her brothers for the NHL awards and was currently walking the red carpet alongside her family, with her head held high and a smile that looked like it was her birthday.

while on the inside she wanted to die. just before her family walked into the eyesight of the cameras, her father asked her a question that made her whole castle of lies want to crumble into mere pebbles.

"oh, frankie! I ran into a few of the usa boys yesterday; ryan's linemate was one of them; does that mean he's here, too? you should invite him to dinner later" her father asked, not knowing the alarms he had set off in his daughter's head.

it wasn't his fault; she knew they were bound to ask about ryan. they loved him, but how was she supposed to tell them she'd ruined one of the only good things about her life? she knew they already didn't have the best mindset about her new life, and this was only going to feed into the fire more.

"I wouldn't know, we broke up," she said awkwardly as they walked. they all halted and whipped their heads around to the youngest hughes.

"what? what happened?" her mother said in the most heartbroken tone she'd ever heard.

"we just, kind of... grew apart, i guess. it was mutual, so I'm fine" lie. if only they knew she begged him not to leave.

"are you okay?" luke said, studying her up and down. he knew that his sister was never one to lay her heart out like she had done for ryan, so she had to be hurting.

"no, yeah! totally! c'mon, let's keep going; tonight is not about me; it's about you guys!" she said with a smile as she reached up to pinch quinn and luke's cheeks. they looked at her, not knowing if she was trying to convince them or herself more. her family gave her a worried look before looking at each other as they followed behind her.

they walked through the carpet as frankie looked like she was having the time of her life, continuing to show lies. while on the inside, she was beyond miserable; she really had never felt such a hole in her heart like this.

the carpet soon ended, and they walked into the theater. she searched for the nearest bathroom, feeling a panic attack rising, needing to get away from the worried eyes of her family. She excused herself, searching for the nearest exit.

"did you know they broke up?" jack asked his mom as they took their seats.

"no, she hadn't said anything. she looks perfectly fine, even glowing," her mother said as they all nodded.

"she has to be hurting," luke said as they watched her talk to a girl with a glittering smile, showing lies.

___

she soon found the bathroom in a hallway, and she saw a guy standing outside of it. that guy being, no other than connor bedard. she would have to be living under a rock to not know who he was, he had been dominating the NHL this last season and wasn't in any way ugly either.

he was the perfect thing to get her mind off of ryan.

she hadn't been with anyone since they broke up, but she knew she had to get back out there if she ever wanted to get the hell out of the imaginary restaurant she was stuck in. she stayed there, and she had been there for weeks. she needed an out, and this was her chance.

"are you in line?" she asked a bit confused as the boy lifted his head up to look at her, eyes widening a bit not thinking to run into frankie hughes tonight.

"uhh, no. I- I'm waiting for my sister," he stuttered, a bit flustered as frankie smirked. she made him nervous, and that was a good sign.

"hey, connor bedard right? I'm frankie," she said, outstretching her hand. the boy didn't think she knew who he was.

"yeah, I know who you are," he said with a small smile, meeting her handshake.

"you nervous for tonight?" she asked with a smile that seemed to put the buy in a daze.

"a little, but it's not the end of the world if I don't win," he said nervously, knowing he was up against her brother.

"good, you won't cry when luke wins then," she said jokingly with a wink as he chuckled.

"that bathroom smells horrible- oh my gosh! frankie hughes!" a blonde girl said as she noticed the youngest hughes. frankie smiled at he girl.

"you must be connor sister; hi, and does it really smell because I'll just hold it," she said with a smile as the girl looked astounded.

"hello! and yeah, it does- but I didn't like, stink it up or anything. it was like that already, like way before I walked in," she rambled but stopped once she noticed frankie and connor holding in a laugh, looking at each other.

"no, I get it. thanks for the heads up. i should get back to my seat, ill see you around connor" she said with eyes that made connor want to stumble. she was hot, and if he didn't know any better, she was flirting?

she bid them goodbye as madisen scolded herself for being so awkward. a trait both of the bedard siblings held.

"she's so cool," madisen said, shaking her head in aww.

"yeah, she is," he said with a small smile, not believing how the girl was so obviously flirting with him.

___

frankie returned to her seat with a heavy feeling in her heart as she sat between jack and quinn.

"I feel like I should be sitting left to jack," she told her family as quinn shook his head.

"stop it, you know that's your seat," her brother told her with a look, talking about the assigned seating they had made a couple years back, back when she actually played hockey.

she let it go, due to the fact she had nothing to say as she looked around the theater. there were many faces, big names in hockey surrounding them and maybe if she was twelve she'd be screaming but right now she could care less. her eyes focused on no other than connor.

he was cute. he had an aura that seemed like he was sure of himself, and that was a trait that made frankie want to gravitate to him. She used to love that trait in ryan.

stop thinking about him!

she told herself. the rest of the night, she spent it playing eye tag with connor. she felt his eyes on her, and he felt her eyes on him. She was sure she had him secured. but did she want to dive into that hole? part of her felt like she would be cheating on ryan, but she hadn't spoken to him since that night. she was allowed to move on, right?

she bit back the feeling as the she tried to enjoy the night. Luke had lost, but connor had won. ss he was walking up to the stage, his eyes found hers, and she playfully rolled her eyes and shook her head as she clapped.

"what the hell was that?" jack asked her leaning over luke.

"what was what?" she played dumb as her brothers looked at her funny.

"you know what," luke said as she just shook her head and smiled.

"I am single," she said with a shrug as they looked at her like she had three heads. choosing to drop it, knowing their sister had her own ways of moving on. they weren't going to question her, just give her a disgusted look as they got on with the night.

___

quinn ended up winning his award, and she got up to give him the biggest hug, beyond proud of him; she had grown closer to quinn when she moved. he always made sure to visit her and check in on her, and she couldn't thank him enough.

always making sure she had money and she had eaten. the first week she had left, he had sent her money, knowing she couldn't have that much saved up. he was really the most thoughtful one out of the hughes brothers, and she was happy to be a part of this moment for him.

the night went on, and they soon ended up in a bar celebrating quinn's win as the siblings took shot after shot, getting plastered as the night went on.

it seemed like the universe had been on her side because connor had walked into the very same bar a little later into the night. she turned to luke, knowing she had to make sure he was okay with what she was about to do.

"hey-"

"go for it," her brother said, shaking his head as she looked at him guiltily.

"you didn't even know what i was going to say" she said slightly smiling

"you didn't have to; you've been giving him those eyes all night. go be young and free," he said lightly, pushing her shoulder as she giggled.

"thanks luke. and, can i ask you something?" she told him

"shoot," he said, as jack and quinn joined the conversation.

"would it be shady to ryan? if I got with connor?" she asked, knowing they were guys and they'd probably know ryan's point of view. she never wanted to hurt anyone.

he hurt you though

"well, I mean, if you guys broke up, no. but like if you're still seeing each other on the low, that's a different story-" jack said

"we're not. I haven't heard from him since that night," she clarified as they nodded.

"were they like, sworn enemies or best friends?" quinn asked

"not that I know of," she said, thinking back to whether they ever interacted. she was sure they hadn't.

"then go for it little sis," jack said with a wink

"yeah, but don't string bedard around either," quinn said with a scolding look.

he was right. she was more than sure connor didn't need someone to play with his feelings. but he was busy, maybe he was just looking for a hookup. he went first overall; he'd had to have his fair share of one-night stands. right?

"she's young; this is her time to make stupid decisions-" jack tried to reason as she zoned out.

"if she's not over leonard, then it's just going to blow up in her face-" quinn said, arguing over luke with jack. if only quinn knew she'd never get over him. the love of her life turned into the loss of her life, and she'd continue to long for him forever. She just had to learn to live alongside that grief.

"okay! thanks for the advice guys. I'll catch you guys later," she said, walking away from her brothers, who watched as she walked up to connor and immediately caught sight of his reddened cheeks.

"she's going to break the poor guy's heart," quinn said with a guilty look as jack and luke snickered a bit evily. maybe he was a bit salty about the loss.

___

frankie woke up to a pounding headache.

she felt like she had drank more than her body weight the night before, and was suffering the consequences of those tequila shots right about now.

she sat up, only to realize she was in nothing but a loose t-shirt that did not belong to her. only now, looking around to realize she was not in her hotel room.

oh god, what did you do frankie

"hey, you're up," connor said, opening the door in nothing but a towel. he had the body made of a god, and only now did frankie remember the events of the night before where she had done body shots, those very same abs she was obviously ogling at.

"what the hell," she asked, looking around for her phone to see about a million texts coming from her family and friends, wondering where the hell she went.

"here, I thought you might have a hangover," connor nervously said as he handed her some tylenols. she drank them before trying to remember if she slept with him last night.

"did we..."

"i think we did. i kind of blacked out, you kept feeding me shots and I was trying to impress you so I ended up the most plastered I had ever been" he told her honestly as she felt like a bitch. of course, she was a bad influence on this saint of a boy. of fucking course.

"oh my gosh. i'm so sorry-" she said shaking her head

"it's okay, frankie. my life is way too serious most of the time. nights like last night remind me that I'm only eighteen. I had a lot of fun last night from what I remember," he said with a light smile as she reciprocated.

he was cute. he was handsome. and he was nice. he was way too good for frankie to go and taint, and she knew that.

"I should get back to my family before they send out an amber alert or something," she said as she stood up and looked for her underwear and dress from last night.

she lifted the sheets and searched, only to turn around and see connor standing with them in his hand with a cheeky smile.

she embarrassingly grabbed them as she got her heels and walked to the door and turned back to the young hockey player, knowing she'd have to tell him this was a one-time thing.

as she turned and saw the hopeful look on his face and his light smile she couldn't bear to tell him. he was cute, and yes, maybe it was selfish to use him to get over ryan but she wasn't no saint, and maybe if she got to know connor a little bit better, it could blossom into something more.

"I'll text you," she told him as she opened the door into the hallway.

"maybe i'll text you first," he said with a smile as he brushed the hair out of her face. she couldn't help herself and leaned into a passionate kiss. wrapping her arms around his neck as she brought him down with her. She soon pulled away and waved goodbye to him, leaving the boy standing in basically shambles as he felt something he'd never felt before. he was falling, and he was falling hard.

it seemed like the universe wanted her to suffer the embarrassment because as she looked up, she made eye contact with no other than wide eye will smith and zeev buim standing there with their mouths agape.

"hey guys," she said as she cringed. they were probably going to run and tell ryan. part of her felt like shit about that, but the other part of her hoped he knew.

they did nothing but look at each other before looking back at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"how could you do that to ryan?" will said, looking at her disgustingly.

"I didn't do anything to him," she said, crossing her arms at the two boys, wondering why the hell they were so mad. she was single.

"yeah? what the hell would you call that? you're cheating on him with bedard? really?" will said. only then did frankie realize he didn't tell them. he didn't even tell will that he had broken up with her. had he told anyone? everyone still thought they were together?

"i'm not cheating, will-" she said shaking her head

"bullshit," he said, cutting her off, that action making frankie want to literally rip his head off. he wasn't even letting her talk.

"he broke up with me about a month ago," she said as they looked at her confusingly.

"are you serious?" zeev asked as will seemed to go speechless. he couldn't believe it.

"yeah. so don't try to tell me shit, when you know nothing," she said teary-eyed as she walked past the two boys. not before bumping her shoulder straight into will. he was an asshole. he had no right to accuse her of cheating.

she wiped her tears before walking into her shared hotel room with her family, knowing she had to handle her shit and fake it till she made it. she couldn't let them see how destroyed her heart had become.

"ahh, the walk of shame," jack said, shaking his head with a teasing smirk as she flipped him off and flopped on the couch.

"not a good night, I'm guessing," quinn said with a grimace.

"it was fine," she said with a huff as she stared off into the ceiling. not being able to stop thinking about ryan. she felt guilty.

"you didn't do anything wrong if that's what you're thinking," Luke said, knowing his littlest sister.

"I know," she said, rising up and walking to her room. closing her door and finally letting her tears fall freely. she was miserable, but at least no one knew.

[princeescaluswords]

Fuck I'm so sick of tw racist fandom

I bet the only way they could ever respect Scott is if he died for any of the white characters, because that is the only thing characters of color are good for (i will never forget or forgive what happened to Boyd), there aren't here to be representation to us, fans of color, they're just here to give importance to the white characters

I swear to every deity, so fucking sick of this bullshit

Twelve fucking years of the same

Sorry if this is just gibberish but im so fucking mad right now

Thanks for appreciating Scott and call out the racism in the fandom

Some observations:

You have a right to be exhausted. You definitely have a right to be furious. These people despise what happened on the show, but instead of simply finding a show they do like, they've spent 12 years slandering the eponymous lead protagonist. And not just ignoring what he did, and not just hating him (and his actor), and not just twisting everything the character did in canon, and certainly not twisting canon into some unrecognizable white-boy fantasy. They've deliberately and maliciously ruined the fandom experience for those people who are actually fans of the show!

But you are actually wrong when you say "the only way they could ever respect Scott is if he died for any of the white characters." Because Scott certainly tried! In Co-Captain (1x10), in Raving (2x08), in Alpha Pact (3x11), in Letharia Vulpina (3x19), in Status Asthmaticus (5x10), and even in Face To Faceless (6x14). Scott literally takes actions that could cause him to die for white characters who have tortured, blackmailed, and betrayed him. He does it TWICE in the movie.

Let's just take Frayed (3x05) for example. Out of guilt and fear, Scott won't let himself heal to the point that he stops breathing in a rest-stop bathroom. So far this season, Derek has insulted his friends, hit them, treated Isaac like shit, and betrayed Scott by turning Scott's peace conference into an ambush. And Scott is still so distraught at the idea of Derek's death that he's willing himself to die.

And before people quibble with my analysis, let's have an expert weigh in.

Stiles: All in his head? Because of Derek. He's not letting himself heal 'cause Derek died.

This puts these racist anti-Scott fans in a pickle, because one of their big things is Stiles is Always Right, so that means that Scott was willing to die for Derek, but that can't be true, so that means Stiles is wrong, but Stiles can't be wrong ... the only way for them to solve this conundrum is to pretend it doesn't exist, making them shut down like defective Hate-Bots.

They have to perform this magic trick quite a bit, because Scott does it again in the very next episode! He may be under the influence of wolf's bane in Motel California (3x06) but he still is about to burn himself alive for white people. The only thing -- the only thing! -- that stops him is that burning himself alive would kill Stiles too.

Scott: There's no hope. Allison: What do you mean, Scott? There's always hope. Scott: Not for me. Not for Derek. Allison: Derek wasn't your fault. You know Derek wasn't your fault.

And yet, no matter how many times he's willing to lay down his life for these white characters -- for Jackson who blackmailed him; for Derek who beat him and manipulated him; for the Sheriff who tried to abandon him in Mexico and then put the barrel of a gun over his heart; for Stiles who lied to him and sold him out, etc. etc. -- it's never going to be enough, because, to them, that's what characters of color are supposed to do. Just as they don't see anything wrong with Boyd dying for Derek, they don't give any credence to Scott repeatedly risking his life for white characters. Don't just listen to me; read the multiple analyses of Hollywood's obsession with making characters of color caretakers of white characters.

No, the anti-Scott racist hatred wouldn't go away if he actually died for a white character, because, in the end, it doesn't really matter what Scott did or didn't do, what Scott did or didn't say. The origin of this vile entitlement is that the show Teen Wolf had the nerve to be about Scott McCall and not an array of acceptable white alternatives. Scott could have let Stiles and Peter and Derek walk him around in a metaphorical leash (or an actual one as has been portrayed by this poisonous fandom) and it wouldn't have made them like him. The only way they could bring themselves to even admit that Scott McCall wasn't so bad is if the television show hadn't been about him, and they are too cowardly to confess why.

BUT IT'S NOT RACISM.

[what-the-hayl]

Dying.

Sometimes dying isn't always a literal thing, but more so of a mental state. It's crazy how wild, crazy, scary and amazing our brains work. Somedays I'm thinking why i never got into studying anatomy. Then i think...I've always loved the idea of being a counselor, police officer, detective, and a writer too.

I lost a very close friend of mine, Michael. He saved my life once. Having to just carry that grief with me everyday, was very challenging to say the least. It still is some days. Living with my parents, caring for my one year old son, my mental struggles i already had leading up to his death, the only thing at that time going okay for me was my job at Amazon i drove for them. I fucking loved that job, ALOT. The environment was so chill, my bosses were the coolest individuals, the money was good for what it was. I had a trip planned down to Orlando, FL at the end of the month in February.. mom and dad were presentient on me NOT getting on a plane and traveling at that time as Covid-19 was starting to unfold.

I had already paid for my ticket to travel down south, i lied to them and told them i was going somewhere simple like Michigan City with another buddy instead. Once i got down there, i felt guilty as if something were to happen to me, so i texted them that i had landed down there. Needless to say; they were pissed. Pissed.

Literally a week before the governor shut everything down, Amazon let me go for back talking a higher up at 730am. THAT SUCKED. The amount of mad my parents were was enough for me to drink my sorrows away and some party favors that weekend in Florida. The dread to come home that Monday was awful, my parents didnt want me back at their house when i came home incase i had covid, which i understood but was frustrating. I ended up coming home and living out of a suitcase at my aunts house.

You know when they say "misery loves company"? Misery, in company, grows ever worse. I loved my aunt, she was always a mom figure to me but i never respected her as a "elder looking out for me" but a big sister and best friend. I never did wrong to her, when indeed i did alot wrong simply bad decisions. I know i would get no disciplinary actions around her.

The day before Easter of 2020, i went to a girlfriends house, we day drank and laid out all day with her parents and as the night rolled around, others had came over to join. We snorted a shit ton of addy all day and night, i think i started drinking around 1pm that day, and didnt end up passing out on the toilet until 8am Easter morning, i wasnt hungover but more EXHASTED!!! I remember her dad coming to wake me up to let me know there was a guy at the door looking for me... my uncle looking for me i was literally a street over from my aunts. I went to lay back down again, and not even 20 minutes later the cops are at the house now.

I went back to my parents that evening. Not for long, a couple weeks later my dad and i go into it, he told me to get the hell out. He said some really hurtful things to me that day, that stick with me daily. That night im pretty sure i died, my soul died cause i wasnt able to save my dear friend Michael. I had, had enough.

My buddies picked me up with a couple duffle bags, a laundry basket and maybe a fan or something. I stayed with them for a few weeks, we went straight to our bar, all the party favors, and the alcohol. I was so mad that day, i got trashed i remember doing so much snow i was trying to die physically I didnt want to feel the pain anymore.

My truck wasnt running, the headgaskets blew. Now, im car-less, homeless, and jobless. I went and lived out in Muskgon for a little bit, after a month out there i got another truck, crashed that a month later, went to jail, and totaled my truck. I insisted on ratting myself out to the officers and getting tow and paying for the repairs to get it "fixed' ... with money i certainly didnt have. I was living out of that thing for a while at times.

Moved in with my aunts boyfriend "the uncle" that found me on Easter. That was probably the worst decision i could have made in my 29 years. A very dark place for me, and the auras are nasty. Somedays id love to say my piece and most days, i choose peace. I created a onlyfans to afford my truck fixings and parts.

Once i created my onlyfans it was nice money and it was like the stupidest and simplest way to make some money, so why the fuck not. Over time that shit took a mental toll on me as now people only view me as something to fuck all the time. Which is was never the case, i always told myself if i ever did anything physically for money i would be lowering my "respect" i had left of myself. I never brought myself to that.

I went down to stay with my sister and brother n law down in Goergia mid September, for a month and i needed that. Those relations seem to be going in the right direction which makes me happy and hopeful for the future. A year ago was a crazy time.

Im proud to say im almost a year clean from drugs, im working on this sober of alcohol thing and that i can proudly say is going really well too.

Dont let your soul die when a loved one passes, they are with you. Closer than you think.

[ruthiesrambles2]

Fics I'm never gonna finish part 20: Ruth's Letter

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh this was one of THE first things I ever wrote for Mel/Ruth it's does not sound in character at all and I don't even care it's so sappy

Dear Melanie,

This is a letter to you, but knowing you will never get to read it, it's a letter to myself, too. There are so many words I didn't get to speak out loud. So many moments of anger that should have been understanding, or at least, trying to understand.

So I'll start with the big one. I think I loved you, Melanie. Love you. Putting it here on the paper feels so insignificant and yet, solidifies it. I do love you, Melanie, and I think I always have, if not from the moment we met then at the least from the first time you kissed me, all those revolutions ago. You had drunk too much at that party, you were stressed I think, and knowing what I know now I bet you were dying to have a small break from all the responsibilities of being you. You smiled at me afterwards, that cocky smile you do with only half your mouth. And then the moment passed and you were dancing, I was back to serving.

But god, Melanie, I don't know how I managed to survive that night. You were all I could think about for weeks on end. Is that love? I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush on the teacher. You were my superior. Later on I found out about Ben, too. Makes sense, the two of you, and more so now we know the truth, but it hurt my heart.

And besides all that, Melanie, you're a woman. It's so old fashioned of me, I know, I can feel you laughing. It's the end of the world and sad little Ruth still thinks gender matters, like half the train aren't already sleeping with anyone they lay eyes on. Forgive me, Melanie, but it was a new experience for me and I was shaken.

So when you didn't mention it the next day, or the one after that, I didn't bring it up either.

Then there was the supply room. If my poor mind was confused already, you can imagine how I felt after that. You made me feel things I've never felt before, you lit a fire inside me. And bloody hell, I didn't want it to ever burn out. I spent every minute of every day seeking your approval, holding out for the stolen minutes you would let your guard down. I could never tell you how I felt and so I took what I could get, pretending I didn't care that all we were doing was stress relief, pretending I didn't care that as soon as we were done you were straight back to being the Head of Hospitality. I pretended so hard that over the years I guess I started to believe it. Being friends was enough.

And you really were my best friend. You are my best friend. Stuck in this bloody train, you made it bearable for me. The Wilford thing makes sense to me now, I think, knowing what we know. I think you were doing what you thought was right. But like all lies it devours itself, each day the lie getting bigger, needing more and more effort to maintain. Jesus, Melanie, no wonder you never slept.

I need you to know how much it hurt that you didn't trust me with the secret. I don't need to know all the reasons why you couldn't tell me, I get it, but I loved you, and I loved him, and that broke something inside of me. I don't know if I'll ever quite get over it. If you were here… I don't know. I want to forgive you, but wanting is not enough. I wanted you for seven years, so trust me, I know. It's not enough.

I am sorry though, for how badly I reacted. I said some things that I can't take back. If I had known, then, that our time was so limited…but I didn't. Loving you but not having you was hard. Hating you but loving you was harder. So when you came up with your Breslauer plan, I couldn't say stop. Don't go. I couldn't say goodbye the way I wanted, there at the border.

And now… I suppose it is too late. I feel you still, burned into my soul, but it has been so many months since we couldn't save you. So many months in the cold and dark. I miss you, Melanie. I love you.

There's some hope, now, from your data, from Layton and his pirate crew. I'm not sure you'd recognise me anymore, running around with tailies. That's one of my reasons for writing this letter. I need to make good to you, to myself. There's someone who I've grown close to, since you left. He helps me get through the long nights, just like you did, and he brightens my days. It's a strange partnership but this is a strange new world. He makes me feel good, he builds me up, and he stays.

It's not like I'm asking you permission. I would want you to know, though. Know that he makes the loneliness disappear. He makes me laugh even when all I can see is despair. I want you to know that I am doing okay, and that I never stopped thinking about you.

I don't know what this is. A confession? A diary? A waste of stationery that I'll burn before I go to sleep. I just need to talk to my best friend one more time.

I wish I could have told you, Melanie, and now I'll never get the chance.

I love you.

RW.

[blipblooopp]

Looking For Star

Summary: You never thought you would fall in love with your best friend but after taking care of him one night, you start to realize that maybe you are. You're scared to tell him but it doesn't make it easier that he never remembers what happens while he's drunk. Pairing: (idiots to lovers) College boy!Jung Yunho x Y!Reader Words: 2.6k Warnings: Yunho gets a bit promiscuous and handsy but nothing too severe as reader puts a stop to it. I also wrote this in a rush so it's definitely not the best :/ be nice to me, please. I really wanted to write for Yunho. Genre: Angst/Fluff

“Hello?” You grumble, rubbing your sleepy eyes as you lay in bed.

“HI!” You scrunch your nose and pull the phone away from your ear with a grimace. It takes a second before you bring the phone back with caution. “Y/N, I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN RIGHT NOW.”

It’s Yunho, your best friend. He’s been drunk calling you for the past two weeks and frankly, it’s getting old. You know you shouldn’t answer whenever he calls now but you can’t. He’s vulnerable and even though he’s a tall man, someone could definitely rock his shit while he was drunk.

“Are you now?” You fling your comforter off and start putting on your shoes. "You gonna tell me where you are?"

He gasps on the other side, “Are you coming to party with me?” You can practically hear the puppy dog eyes through the speaker.

You really weren’t. You were just going to pick him up and get him home safely. He couldn’t know that, though. He would do everything in his power to avoid you; you learned that the hard way a few nights ago.

You fake a smile even though you know he can’t see you, probably trying to convince yourself that becoming an errand boy for this man was okay. “Yes, Yun. Now, where are you so we can dance the night away.”

———

“Yunho, please get in the car!” You pleaded, trying to drag him into the passenger seat. He was fighting you and even when he wasn’t in his right mind, he was stronger.

“No.” He pouted like a child. “You lied to me. You said we were gonna dance forever and we didn’t!”

If anyone else was taking care of Yunho, you would be laughing at the situation. But you couldn’t because holy shit this man was putting up a fight. You drop his hand and huff, taking in deep breaths to calm your body down.

“Fine. Walk your ass home and get mugged for all I care.” Yunho seemed to stop but continued to sway back and forth as he stood. “Are you done throwing a temper tantrum?” He nodded and you caught him before he could fall on his face.

You didn’t have a big problem with picking up Yunho. You really didn’t. You just didn’t like the side effects that came with drunk Yunho. Drunk Yunho was so much different from Sober Yunho. Sober Yunho is reserved and quiet and Drunk Yunho spits out whatever he's thinking right as he thinks it.

That's how it all started.

____

You were supposed to be asleep but you were too busy cramming for a big anatomy test when you got the first-ever drunk call.

Your eyebrows crease in slight annoyance at the disruption but you answer, tucking your phone between your cheek and shoulder. “Yunho, if you aren’t dying please don’t call me.”

“Y/N! See I told you she’d answer!” Yunho slurs from the other side. You roll your eyes and flip to a different page. “Come join us, Cinderella! The test… can wait!”

“Wow, you must be really drunk. You know Cinderella had to be home at midnight and it’s almost two a.m?”

“Give me the phone!” You hear a struggle and you think he might be in danger until you hear your mutual friend Seunghwa. “Sorry to bother you like this, y/n, but as you can tell, Yunho is very drunk right now. I wish I could take him home but I'm too busy making sure Hoongjoong doesn't ruin his house. Can you please pick him up?"

You're dead silent. You were angrier than anything and you were about to say no but you knew Seunghwa rarely ever asked for help. You guessed he miscalculated how much of a handful his drunk friends would be. The test was important, yes, but Yunho couldn't manage by himself from what you could tell... At the end of the day, he was more important anyway.

"Fine. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. I would appreciate it if he's still in one piece when I get there."

When you get to the house, Seunghwa is waiting outside sitting on the grassy lawn with Yunho's head on his shoulder. You walk up to the two men and Seunghwa's eyes light up with hope.

"You are a lifesaver, y/n. Out of our group, I think I'm the only sober one." His face falls at the thought.

"I would say it's not a problem but you couldn't have called me at a more inconvenient time." You say with a nervous laugh. Seunghwa shoots you an apologetic look and helps you sit Yunho in the passenger's seat.

Once you hit the road, your best friend decides he's done napping, straightening in his seat, and looking out the window.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." Yunho drags his head to look at you and scrunches his eyebrows together as he stares, trying to figure out why he was staring at you and not Seunghwa.

"When'd you get so pretty, Hwa?" He stares at you further, even blinking a few extra times.

You stifle a laugh, "Yun, it's not Hwa. It's y/n and I'm taking you home." Yunho giggles and puts a hand on your thigh making you jump in your seat a bit. Your head snaps at him then to the road. What the hell was happening?

"Taking me home? I don't do one nights but I might make an exception for you."

"Do you even know who you're talking to?"

"Yes!" He removes his hand from your thigh, sitting back in his seat. Thank god you have one thing less to worry about. "You're y/n... The most important person in my life... The girl with the prettiest smile... You're beautiful. Like, so beautiful. Sometimes, I just want to kiss you," he giggles like a schoolgirl, "Did I say sometimes? I wanna kiss you all the time."

Your heart skips a beat. "Yun, you're drunk."

"I'm also in love with you."

To be honest, you never thought about Yunho that way in all your years of friendship. If anything, you thought he was a handsome guy who was also very unattainable. However, you were sure that if you didn't know him and you saw him on the street, you would be attracted to him.

"You can't say things like that."

He giggles again, "Okay."

He can't go home like this, he's barely even conscious. If you dropped him home he'd choke on his spit and die. You sigh to yourself but make a u-turn and head to your house instead since it was on the street you just passed.

When you put Yunho on your couch, you gather up all your scattered papers and stick them in your textbook before setting them aside. You get cold water, a wet rag, and a trash can just in case and make Yunho lay down.

He gives you a lopsided smile with glazed eyes, "Hey, beautiful."

"Hi." You force an awkward smile as you pat his forehead with the rag.

"I'm not sick."

"You're hot though." You put the rag down and start peeling off his jacket which was now sticking to his skin.

He scoffs, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah? If you wanted me out of my clothes, you could've just asked, Princess." Yunho helps you take off his jacket and even goes as far as sloppily trying to take off his shirt in the process.

"Yun, please cooperate. I'm just trying to sober you up."

"I'm so sober right now." No sober person says that. You just stay silent and continue patting his forehead. "Y/n?" You hum and look up at him when he grabs your hand. You think he's gonna throw up. "I'm probably not going to remember anything in a few hours, huh."

You laugh to yourself and look at your lap, "Definitely not."

"Better make use of it then." You look back up to ask what he means but you're met with his warm hand cupping your face and pulling you in for a kiss. You taste the alcohol on his tongue, getting addicted to the way his lips were sending shocks through your body. Before it gets too far, you're using both of your hands to push him away. His neck strains to get near your face again but you shake your head.

"You're drunk... and you're not in your right mind..." You stand and turn to walk to your room but Yunho catches your hand. You sigh to yourself and close your eyes, trying to ignore the way your body was igniting. "Try to get some sleep." You don't look at him; just pull yourself away from him and pad off to your room.

____

Now, it was like you were Yunho's designated driver. You were exhausted, to say the least. You had to pick him up at the dead of night and wake up just a few hours later to help him collect himself and get to class.

He, in fact, didn't remember what happened that night and it drove you nuts. You really tried your hardest not to think about him like that. You were too afraid of losing a great guy like him to even entertain the idea. But now? All you could think about was his hands and how you wanted to hold them; his lips and how you needed so badly to feel them on yours again.

Every time you pick him up, it's almost a repeat of that night except you make sure to cut it off once you bring him inside. You distance yourself so you can guarantee that he doesn't keep stirring up your feelings.

The next morning, you wake up and do your routine of helping Yunho to the bathroom. The smell of alcohol seems to be getting worse every morning so you toss a towel at him and start making breakfast. He meets you after he's done, eyes still swollen.

"Was I bad again?" He takes a seat at the table, rubbing his temples.

Your eye twitches. "I wouldn't know. I just brought you inside and went to bed."

"I'm sorry-"

"You gotta stop this. I don't understand your need to party jump every night, let alone have your friends call me to pick you up." You place his plate on the table and sit next to him.

"You're not gonna eat?"

"I'm not hungry. I lost my appetite when I smelled you this morning." He agreed. He didn't feel like eating either but he knew that if he didn't eat, you'd shovel all the food into his mouth without question.

He takes small bites, "Yun, why do you choose to get drunk every night?"

There's a beat and for a second you think he can't come up with a reason. "It's... fun."

You scoff, "Is it fun in the morning too?"

"Not when you look at me like that."

____

You're not looking forward to tonight. No, sir. Now that you think about it, in these two weeks, you've probably only been getting two hours of good sleep per night. Your body felt like it was going to fall apart. Not to mention the intrusive thoughts you were getting about your best friend.

Maybe you wouldn't answer the phone tonight... yeah right. You couldn't do that to Yunho. No, that's crazy. He's been driving you crazy all week but he's not always like that. Maybe he's going through something? But why wouldn't he tell you? Maybe he just likes drink-

Your phone rings and you sigh. Think of the devil.

When you drop him on your couch, he engulfs you in a hug before you can run away. His stench isn't as strong this time. He actually smells like his normal cologne tonight. You wonder if he drank as much as he normally does. You're sitting in his lap and his nose is nestled into your neck; you cough awkwardly.

"Yun, what're you doing?"

"You've been avoiding me and I miss you."

"You see me every night." You almost want to laugh; giggle at his lack of common sense.

"But you don't talk to me during the day. Would you talk to me more if I stopped drinking?" His left hand is still holding your waist but his right hand is tracing patterns into your thigh. You relax into him.

"I think we should talk about this when you're sober. You get too... ambitious when you're drunk." You try to stand but his strong arm keeps your back pressed against his chest and he mumbles a no.

"I'm sober right now."

Truthfully, you didn't want to have this conversation. You didn't even really know if you were in love with Yunho; you just felt really confused. What if he just laughs and says it was all a mistake? You don't think you can handle anything like that but it's been eating you inside.

"Talk to me, please?" He sounded as desperate as you felt.

You sigh, "Do you remember anything about that first night you called me?"

"All I remember was getting drunk and telling Seunghwa that I could find someone to drive me home. I think we fought about how no one would answer their phone so late at night." It hurt your heart that he couldn't remember. That night was pivotal for your friendship. It made you feel things for him that you had been trying so desperately to bury.

"You said a lot of things that night." That was all you could get out. Yunho's hand stopped on your thigh and the warmth set your leg on fire. You continued after taking a deep breath. It was good that you weren't facing each other. "You called me beautiful-"

He cut you off with a laugh, "Is that what you're so twisted about? I called you beautiful and now you're all weird? You are beautiful. You know that."

You gulp, "You kissed me."

"Oh."

"And you said you loved me, that you're in love with me."

"...Oh." His grip loosens and you feel your heartstrings snap. "Well, you had to find out at some point." Your head snaps back to look at him. "To be honest, I thought Wooyoung would've spilled the beans on accident."

"Wait, so you didn't just say that because you were drunk?"

"Being drunk definitely sped up the process but it's how I feel for sure. I wanted to tell you properly but I was getting really overwhelmed and just kept drinking to take my mind off of it." He laughed nervously, resting his head on your back. "That didn't work out too well, huh?"

You turned around, still sitting in his lap but facing him. You lifted his head with both of your hands on his cheeks. "I think it worked out great for the most part. If it weren't for your slight alcoholism, I never would've realized how much you truly mean to me."

His eyes seemed to get glossy as he looked at you. "What're you saying?"

"I'm saying," Deep breath, "that even though you made me want to rip my hair out these past weeks, I like you."

Yunho's eyes were brimmed with tears but the smile on his face told you that he was the happiest he could've ever been. He pulled you into a tight hug and laughed to himself. "I was worried for nothing then! I knew you wouldn't be able to resist me."

"Technically, you need to thank Seunghwa. If it weren't for him, you never would've ended up in my car."

"Oh, yeah... What did he say to you?" Yunho looked up at you with furrowed brows.

"He said the guys were super drunk? He was the only one sober and he couldn't take care of all of you."

"That's so weird. From what I remember, Wooyoung and Jongho were tipsy but I was the only one who was drunk."

[liyazaki]

Reveal Your Watch & Rewatch Drama List

thank you @billlkin @itoldsunset @villaneelle & @spicyvampire the tag! 💖 I was watching seven shows at once (help) until a bunch wrapped in the last week or two, so don't be fooled by the short list.

currently watching

Cutie Pie- I'm just having so much fun watching Cutie Pie... they're giving me everything I wanted & I'm loving every minute.

Cherry Blossoms After Winter- too many people are sleeping on this sweet, gorgeous little show. The romance is so tender & I would lay down my life for the precious baby boy that is Haebom- just look at him (& no- the mains aren't actually stepbrothers).

starting soon

KinnPorsche- I felt pretty neutral about the show, then that trailer dropped & hello, insta-feral. I'm beyond ready for a dark, twisty BL clearly made for the grown sluts out there with nary a university campus or engineering gear in sight. (Apr. 2nd)

Gameboys S2- I was starting to lose hope we were ever going to get a second season (fun fact: they shot the movie & S2 at the same time), so I'm feeling blessed that I even get to write that. (May 22nd)

Cherry Magic: The Movie- *insert high-pitched 'eeeeeee' squealing ad nauseam* (Apr. 8th)

GAP- this blog's about to be one big sapphic free-for-all when this starts. abandon all (non-wlw) hope, ye who enter here. (start date: ??)

Oh! My Sunshine Night- I'm so excited to see OhmFluke my beloveds in a drama that was quite literally made for them. (start date: ??)

To My Star S2- another one I'm vibrating with anticipation for- we are truly being blessed in the year of our BL Lord 2022. (start date: ??)

Between Us- excited we finally got a release date (Nov. 2022) & it's going to be long- as in UWMA long (16 eps!)

rewatching

I've only had one 'true' rewatch recently (i.e. watching a show all the way through) so except for #1 & #2, these are just go-to comfort shows I'll sporadically watch an ep or two of for my mental health.

I just finished a random Gameboys rewatch, ironically on the same day IdeaFirst announced S2. I'm not saying I single-handedly manifested this; I'm just saying stranger things have happened.

@flukenatouch & I will be starting our own little UWMA rewatch soon involving Thai desserts, bingo cards- the works ✨

Love By Chance (AePete/some Tin/Can scenes only)- I have no clue how many times I've rewatched LBC for the mind-melting sweetness that is AePete...honestly, I don’t want to know.

History 3: Trapped- another one I have rewatch amnesia for (ignorance = bliss), mainly for the Jack & Zhao Li scenes.

Cherry Magic- CM is the visual equivalent of a warm hug for your soul & I will never not want to rewatch it.

I'm really missing my Light On Me boys lately & the most perfectly-executed love triangle of all time. maybe a rewatch this week- before even more new shows kick off- is in order (she says like she isn't a working professional with 10,000 obligations).

I will rewatch ITSAY & IPYTM until my dying day- that being said, I've got to be in the right headspace to rewatch (i.e. in the mood for total mental-emotional-spiritual annihilation #angstwhore).

no-pressure tagging @nanons @jaehwany @rose-nebulijia @lettucebeshrimp @icouldhyperfixatehim @suzukibeanes @snimeat @aheartandashirt @ommited-miscellaneously @rashfcrd @absolutebl @negrowhat & anyone else who wants to join in!

[buckyjamess-archive]

𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲 ❁ 𝓫𝓾𝓬𝓴𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓼

a/n: keep writing reader as the villain of the story, about time this man screws up • wordcount: 1.3k • warnings: kids, babies, parenthood, cheating, alcohol, bucky being an idiot, mentions of sex, blink and you'll miss it.

summary

going through rough years after losing your husband, you try to raise your daughter the best you can. With the help from the wilson's you make the best of it but the road is bumpy when sam introduces you to his friend.

masterlist

He shouldn't be here. He promised himself to never wake up in this bed again, ever and yet he finds himself sitting on the edge of the memory foam mattress, soft lilac blankets underneath his naked thighs. The smell of the room is familiar but it's not you, not Rosie, not JJ, not home.

He should've stayed home, told you he didn't need a boys night out because he deserved just that– for taking care of the kids while you were a mess, not available and not there when he needed you the most. Yes, he deserved that but maybe the pub his friends had dragged him too was not the right place to be. 

She worked there. She who he had ended things with weeks before meeting you. She with a head of brown curls bouncing around her face, bright green eyes through thick lashes and the cute little dimples in her cheeks whenever she smiled so bright, nose covered in freckles on a sun-kissed canvas and god, if only her personality matched her looks, he would have fought for this one the way he's fighting for you and his family.

God, he was in love back then, one of the firsts he saw a future with. Like a bunch of teenagers, making the eyes of his friends roll with the lovey-dovey behavior– looking back at it made Bucky cringe. The first six months were amazing before her attitude took a 180 and changed for the worse. Possessive, jealous, lowkey crazy.

He wished to never bump into his ex Melissa ever again.

But he did and with the beers coming, alcohol running through his veins and the lack of real intimacy made his mind foggy. The hugs, the cuddles and stolen kisses were not cutting it anymore, he missed you in all other ways and Melissa was there to fix it, like an angel with a halo above her head and rays of light casting from behind her – guiding him straight to what he desired most. 

He shouldn't have been here. Your relationship was taking the right turn, amazing, a do over, like the beginning. The acceptance letter to that nursing school you applied for and your weekly visits with your therapist did wonders for you. Giving bucky back the girl he so deeply fell in love with and he put it all on the line for some sex. Sex he would've gotten if he just had asked you and even then he didn't have a reason to complain. His 7 months old son asking all your attention and a jealous rosie hanging around your leg nearly every hour of the day– you had the right to fall asleep as soon as your head hit a pillow.

"You know what they say; once a cheater, always a cheater."

Bucky clenches his jaw and bites the inside of his cheek, nails digging half moons in the skin of his palms as his hands turn into fists– god, all the reason why he dumper her coming back up.

"I never cheated on you." He hisses through gritted teeth, back still turned to her. 

Melissa snorts "pretty sure you left me for that baby mama of yours." 

"We were long done before that," bucky spats back "for reasons. You being a pain in the ass being one of them." 

"That's not what you said last night." 

God, he didn't even call you or send a text. A shit excuse of staying with a friend for the night, too drunk to get home while he knew damn well he wasn't going home with them.

"I can ask her you know- ask her why she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore." 

Bucky nearly gives himself a whiplash with the force he turns his head around to meet with the green eyes of the half naked woman on the other side of the bed with a smug smile on her face. Playing with her phone in her hand. 

"Don't you fucking dare." 

"She has a right to know bucky." Melissa smiles wickedly "she has the right to know you slept with your ex." 

"I'll tell her myself." Bucky hisses again "I don't need you for that." 

"y/n, right?" Melissa quips, phone stills in her hand as she unlocks it with a swipe of her finger "I think I've seen her Instagram before– gotta say Barnes, the boy looks like you." 

"Melissa, I'm begging you." Bucky sighs "please, I'll tell her myself." 

I'll tell her myself– only if he believed that lie himself. 

A date night, some one on one, some time alone is all what was needed to fill the missing gaps in your relationship. Both kids off to spend the night with bucky his family; just you and him. 

Dinner at your favorite sushi bar before strolling through the city hand in hand, catching a movie the both of you were dying to see followed by a round of beer at the first bar you stumbled upon and right back home– a trail of clothes leading from the kitchen, too desperate. Hands on each other and whispered sweet little nothings. Skin to skin. Raw. Real. Perfect.

But his mind couldn't help and wander to last week; tangled up in his ex her arms under thin sheets in a familiar bed. Mind wandering back to that night, not because he couldn't get Melissa out if his head but the regret– he'd done the same thing tonight but with the real love of his life, the mother of his kid, his future wife but it eats him alive; you can do better than the lying man he is. He needs to tell the truth, it's the least you deserve but he can't. He can't lose what he has now, a future.

He wants that white picket fence outside of the city with a big garden for your babies to grow up in. He wants another mini him or mini you running around, maybe even two if life is that kind. He wants to be by your side through thick and thin, in sickness and health, the bad and the good. He wants to see you stroll down the aisle in that perfect dress. He wants to be a good father figure for rosie, the perfect father and perfect husband– he's put it all on the line for some bad sex with a woman he despised so much.

He can't but he needs to tell the truth. No lies.

The smell of sex is still stuck in the air and the rays of moonlight cast through the crack between the curtains, the sound of the city a background noise– his arm is asleep from where your head rests but bucky runs his hand through your hair and presses a kiss to the crown of your hair, taking in the warm fruity smell of your shampoo. Your naked body cuddles up to his, soft legs entangled with his and a soft and warm hand laying on his chest right near his heart.

you're asleep, have been for a while but he can't; his eyes on the ceiling, following the small cracks in the paint and the cobweb he missed earlier this week. 

Bucky once again finds himself preparing himself a.nd his stupid apology 'a drunken mistake' and 'it won't happen again' followed by a pathetic 'forgive me?' 

He hopes you're getting angry at him, call him names, cursing him, wishing you never met him, a big mistake– bucky simply cannot bear the thought of you crying over him, he doesn't deserve your tears, doesn't deserve you. But above all, he wishes things will turn out okay in the end; see you happy even if it means without him. You deserve that.

God, he needs to tell the truth. You'll find out one way or the other, if not from him it'll be Melissa herself. 

'Hey doll, we need to talk.'

taglist; @farfromshawn @Nicollettemarie @wooya1224 @felicityofbakerstreet @agentmstark @sierrax023 @lilyevanswhore @qhbr2013 @buckybarnesobsessed @themaddies-obx @aloserwithoutacause @aanngie @sebby-staan @sweetth1ng @starrystarkey93 @libidinexx @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @gasly-kvyat @brown-bi-beautiful @peter-laufeyson @im-squished @meshlababy @lindseyrae20 @cb97skies @qwccrr @ssprayberrythings @yougottalovefandoms @jbcalway @realgaytrash @natyvwe @poetryazenth @winterberryfox @ahahafudge

[lihikainanea]

so it's summer and it's great but the heat is absolutely unforgiving. what if Tiger gets like, a reaction from the excessive sweat that this season brings and there's like a rash-like discoloration on the sides of her body, her back? I get these every summer and, it's hard to look at myself in the mirror when I put the cream on so they go away. I'm thinking Bill would help, but after Tiger lets him since she's a lil embarrassed and shy about them.

Ohhh bubs, I feel you. I have SUCH sensitive skin that I swear, I cry and then I have to spend like a week treating the eczema outbreak on my face that my own goddamn tears cause.

The heat and all that comes along with it can have some icky side effects and my girl tiger ain't spared. Heat rash? yep. Mild sun allergy that causes a rash? Yep. Hives because she's basically allergic to everything outside? Yep. Eczema outbreak because all the rashes are stressing her out? Yep.

Are we even going to talk about underboob and thigh chafe? Shit, yes we are because this is some real life BULLSHIT that most of us have to deal with.

And what if it's exactly that. Hear me out. She's been purposely avoiding getting nekkid with Bill for a few days--She's got this weird heat rash that's going down one side, itchy as all hell and red and bumpy. She manages to camouflage most of it with a loose fitting sundress, something of breathable material, but she just happens to need a strapless bra with it--and strapless bras are an Enemy of the Goddamn State, man. Maybe it's a nice cocktail hour at a schmancy new bar that opened so she's dressed cute, except one of her completely heat-resistant friends got them all a table outside because clearly this friend was born and raise din the fires of Hades, so a heatwave doesn't bother them. It's outside, and tiger is fucking dying. The sweat running down her side is making her itch even more and burning the sensitive, already-irritated skin there. She feels like she's fucking melting into a puddle under the blaze of the hot sun, which she's pretty sure is searing her make up off. She feels like a swamp monster.

And if that's not bad enough--the group decides to walk for ice cream after. They decide to walk QUITE a long ways for ice cream. And all that sweat that she has going underneath her dress is just making her bra dig into the fragile skin under her breasts, and the more her thighs rub together as she walks the more she can feel the chafe like, peeling off a layer of her fucking skin and she wants to die.

And Bill for his part is kind of walking a bit ahead with his boys, maybe it's been awhile since he's seen them so he's not keenly aware of the absolute hell that tiger is currently in. Until she snaps when, after ice cream, it's time to walk alllllllll the way back to the car.

"Fuck this," she mutters, "I'm out." And then a little louder. "Bill, I'm out."

He gives her a worried look, taking a few long strides until he's back with her.

"Okay kid," he says, "We can leave as soon as we get back to the car."

"Yep." She smiles, wide and scary--but doesn't move.

"It's...It's this way," he gestures somewhat helplessly to the direction everyone else continues walking in.

"Sure is."

She still doesn't move.

"....tiger?"

He jumps a mile when she lets out the loudest whistle he's ever heard, nearly giving him an uppercut as her hand shot up quickly. A cab came to a screeching halt, and she opened the door.

Confused but knowing better than to argue, Bill folded himself in half in the back seat as the cab drove them the 3 minute distance to the car.

"Are you....okay?" he asks cautiously as she buckles up her seatbelt in his car, and tiger just...man, tiger wants to go home. She's so uncomfortable, she's so itchy, everything burns, she's still overheated and she's just so over this night.

"I'm tired and too hot," she says instead, "Just take me home."

And like, look. Once they're home? Bill goes to unzip her dress because she always needs help with it, but tiger kind of smacks his hands away and huffs. He doesn't think much of it, she's just fussy and in a bad mood and she doesn't always want to be touched when she's feeling that way. And tiger, in the meantime, is just trying to locate either some calamine lotion or some cortisone cream or hell just a million ice packs that she can place on her side, between her thighs, under her breasts--everywhere that just seems on fire at the moment.

She heads to the bathroom, closing the door so she can rummage the cupboards in peace. She finally takes the dress off and flings her bra across the room and she winces at what she sees in the mirror. Her entire side is red and bumpy, an angry, itchy rash scaling up her torso. Tenderly, she rubs the skin under her breasts and bites her lip in pain--the skin there is raised, bright red, irritated and stinging. A quick check on her inner thighs reveals the same thing. She sighs, running the tap so that Bill won't hear her.

But listen, Bill? Bill just thinks she's washing her face, and he wanders in with a little whisky digestif and to see if he can entice her into taking a bubble bath with him. He opens the door and tiger shrieks, grabbing at a towel to cover herself--but not before he got a good view of what seems like half her body, bright red and irritated.

"Tiger," he gasps softly, "Kid what happened?"

"Bill get out," she squeaks, wrapping the towel around herself.

"No," he says. He yanks at her towel but she smacks his hand away.

"Bill," she says, a tad more angry now, "Leave me alone."

"No," he says again, "Tiger, show me."

"No."

"Tiger," it's his turn to be stern now, "We have rules. And so help me, if you don't drop that fucking towel then there will be another part of you that is bright fucking red. Now show me."

"It's okay," she sighs defeatedly, "It's just... a bit irritated."

She opens the towel a tad, showing him her side. Bill puts the whiskey glasses down and hold the towel open, leaning to get a closer look.

"What happened?" he asks softly, "Are you allergic to something?"

"No," she mumbles--god this is embarassing--"It's just...the heat. It gave me a bit of a rash that won't go away."

He nods, his eyebrows knitting together, and he tugs gently to undo the knot on her towel. When she protests he gives her a stern look and she sighs, letting him undo her covering. Gently, he runs his fingers along the side of her breasts and trail them down her rib cage.

"And here?"

"Strapless bra, sweat, and rubbing," she winces when he hits a sensitive spot and he apologizes, "Recipe for disaster."

He nods, his eyes sweeping over her looking for more markings.

"Anywhere else?" he asks after a beat. Tiger bites her lip, and he gently tugs it free with his thumb. She sighs, giving up, and rests her foot on the toilet so he can see her inner thigh.

"Dump truck thigh chafe," she says, "It's a killer."

He leans, kissing the marking softly.

"Oatmeal," he says as he stands and turns for the door, "A lukewarm oatmeal bath, and some calamine lotion."

"Bill, I'm handling it. It's not--"

But he spins back around.

"We. Have. Rules." every word is short, curt, and accentuated with a step as he backs her up to the tub and looms tall over her, "Don't we sweet girl?"

"Yes."

"And do you think that hiding this from me--spending the evening in discomfort and pain and not telling me anything--is that following the rules?" he asks. God he's authoritative when he's like this.

"Probably not?" she tries. A quick, challenging quirk of his brow and suddenly she's not so brave. "No, it's not following the rules."

"And trying to stop me from taking care of it when I do find out, is that following the rules?"

"No," she says meekly, "It's not."

"That's right, it's not," he says and he kisses her softly, "So you're going to let me take care of these markings, and then you're going to get some brand new ones."

And listen, Bill is more just pissed that tiger was in pain, clearly for at least a few days, and she didn't tell him. He's even more pissed that she sat there so uncomfortable that night, and also didn't tell him. But he puts his anger aside to care for her first--and an oatmeal bath it is, he gets in there with her and soaks while they sip their whiskey. And when they get out, he carefully dabs calamine lotion all over her--giving it a second to dry before pulling his big shirt over her head.

"Bedroom," he says, "Now."

Tiger slinks away--but also, man, what if our girl just ain't feeling it tonight? Yes, she was bad. Yes, she broke the rules. She's a little small about it but she's dealing okay, and truth be told she just...ugh, the thought of another patch of her skin being red and irritated and sore from a spanking is just kind of too much for her. It's a discomfort and a pain that she just doesn't feel up to dealing with tonight, after already spending so much time uncomfortable. SO maybe she's kneeling on his side of the bed when he comes in to find her, and as he approaches she just kind of thunks her head on his thigh, fiddles with the waistband of his boxers.

"Bill," she says softly, "Can I...can you punish me tomorrow for this? I've had enough discomfort for today. I don't want it."

Bill's heart could explode. He smiles at her--big and wide and totally dopey, hooks his hand around her arms and sets her on her feet gently.

"Good girl," he purrs, kissing her deeply, "My good girl."

She coos a little at that, and he tucks her into his chest for a tight hug.

"You tell me when you're ready to be punished kid, and we'll do it then," he tells her. She nods, and when he lays out in bed tiger just lies flat on his chest, sticks his thumb in her mouth, and starts snoring a few seconds later. Bill just lovingly tends to her for the next day or two--lukewarm baths, lots of calamine, lots of unscented soothing lotions--and then eventually after a few days when he's sitting on the couch playing a video game, tiger just walks in, shimmies out of her panties and lies across his lap.

"Let's have it bud," she tells him, "Make it hurt."

[fictionalmenmistress]

Shadow From The Window (Leonardo)

Imagine your scared of the dark and alone, but your sexy hero-in-the-half-shell comes to sleep at your side, after a long partol. Exausted, he forgets how easy you startle, and comforts you.

(SFW but blushy, leaning Fem!Reader/ but also gender-neutral, Bayverse Leo, no swearing, FLUFF, a lil spooky at the start but all sweet and completely handle-able. Its safe 💙)

(So, this is my first official post here and I'm so excited! First of all, HI EVERYONE! I'm so happy to have found my peoples and to be here uwu, I love you all. Hopefully, this brings you comfort to rest before bed, or in the middle of the night. Want me to do one for all the boys? Lemme know!💙)

I am writing this at 2-3 am, after imagining this scenario to comfort myself, settling down to rest. The thought of Leo hiding in the dark, makes the dark a lot less scary. (Tho I decided to write it instead of resting lol) LETS GET IT!

Its 3 am in your studio apartment.

You've been living in New York city for a while now, but its always been a hassle to fall asleep in your own place. That's been the hardest adjustment after leaving home... how scary it can be on your own. Truth be told, you're 'scared of the dark'. Not nescessarily scared of the darkness itself, but the shadows in the corner of the room... the random noises and things that go bump in the night... the mere thought in the back of your mind that something, as ridiculous as it sounds to others, will come and get you once your guard is down.

There you lied, stiff as a board on your back. The covers, pulled up to your neck, as you breathed in and out as silently as you could. Why did you still feel like you had to hide from monsters or bad guys in your own home? "Dang it, y/n..." you sighed, wiping the nervous cold sweat from your forehead, overheating internally from the anxiety.

"WHY... why did I have to watch that horror movie with Donnie?" You thought, internally shouting at yourself. "He said its not scary, that its 'too absurd to be plausible, and thus won't trigger a reaction of fear'. So much for a slow and steady introduction to the genre!"

You should have known when Raph said "Nope, I'm out." Donnie sat there the whole time, laughing at the movie at the scariest and most ill-timed moments... and you recall just glaring at him, teeth chattering, whispering to yourself:

"Yeah, he's cracked alright."

Just because something isn't scientifically proven, doesn't mean it can't happen... or hasn't happened, right?

"Ugh..." you groaned, curling your lips into a gremace, scared your groan was too loud amongst the unsettling silence. "I can't sleep with the lights on again..."

Glancing toward your phone, you noticed a blue light illuminate the screen, informing you that you got a new text. But that blue light... it instantly made you think of the blue-loving turtle you so dearly loved. The light of your life.

'Leo would protect me.'

Ah, that comforting reminder that you would feel so safe in your boyfriend's arms... if only he were here with you.

But... he wasn't. He was probably out on patrol, far away, and unable to come any time soon, even if he could.

"That's it." You said, taking and deep breath and mustering up all of your courage, throwing the covers off and dashing to the light switch.

*flick!* And... everything in the room was normal. It was comforting, but you scolded yourself for not accepting that everything was already secure, and nothing was lurking in the dark.

Everything was still, as you closed your curtains and lied back down in bed.

"Light on it is." You sighed, before the light suddenly flickered by itself.

"Oh crap-" you muttered, taking a gulp, as the power went out. "OH CRAP, ITS JUST LIKE THE MOVIE-"

Now, you felt screwed. You lied as still as possible, for what felt like forever, refusing to close your eyes. Dang it... DANG it!

Grabbing your phone light, you quickly tip-toed to the bathroom, trying to pee as fast as you could, so you could get back to your warm bed where it feels semi-safe.

As soon as you opened the bathroom door, you noticed your curtains flowing and twirling in the night wind. Street sounds from the never-sleeping city below echoed faintly through your widely-opened window.

"My window... is open?" You thought in horrified shock, examining your surroundings in the dark carefully.

You froze in your tracks, as your phone light turned itself off.

BATTERY TOO LOW TO USE FLASHLIGHT, PLEASE CHARGE.

A chill went down your spine, as you stood there in the center of everything, slowly backing to a corner, where you planned to crouch in the fetal position, so you could see all angles of the room for the rest of the night.

You took another step back, and another, before you bumped into a large mass, standing behind you.

'Not the wall...' your brain registered, feeling the heat of whomever or whatever this tall thing was, radiating against your back.

"Hello, beautiful~" A deep voice chuckled, startling you.

Jolting around, you saw a dark, tall shadow, looming before you.

The fear disoriented you, quickly rushing adrenaline through your body, as your fight or flight reacted. You quickly let out a shriek, chucking your dying phone at the shadow and darting quickly toward the window.

The shadow caught the phone instantly, with lightning fast reflex, as a large hand suddenly wrapped around your wrist, gently yet firmly pulling you back into the room before you crawled out onto the fire escape.

"WHOA, hey hey! Y/N easy! Its okay." A gentle, farmiliar voice assured, gently pulling you around to face him. "Its just me!"

"L-let go!" You whimpered, still not realizing who it was. "P-please..."

"Hey, its me..." he softly whispered, as your breath began to steady, blinking a couple of times as his identity fully set in. "Shh, sh sh sh." He lulled.

"L-Leo?" You squeaked in disbelief.

The figure slowly leaned into the moonlight, casting over you from the open window, revealing his GORGEOUS, icy blue eyes. Those intense-yet-soft eyes... that you knew and loved more than anyone else's. That comforting, strong, lovingly soft gaze, that instantly reassured you that you were safe.

"Your aim is getting better," he softly chuckled, smirking with his adorable grin. Leo slowly slid your phone before you, onto the moonlit sheets, barely revealing his outstretched, chiseled, manly hands. "I'm so sorry I scared you, love. I didn't mean to... I would never on purpose..."

Leo's voice sounded composed, but also ashamed and regretful, as he became more serious to apologise. He always spoke so softly to you...

"Leo, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I-" you desparately assured, bursting into tears. "I-"

"Hey hey, I should have knocked, or called. I'm sorry I scared you, sweetheart. I thought I would suprise you in a good way, not startle you." He murmured, reaching his large hands out to gently grasp you, holding you in his arms.

"Oh... I'm so happy to see you!" You sighed, falling against him.

"Donnie felt bad about that scary movie, he told me about how scared you were and begged me to check on you." He whispered, with that composed, reassuring voice.

"Oh Leo... you really came." You whispered, sniffling back your tears.

"Of course, my love... I came straight here after patrol. I would have come sooner, but Raph was getting his shell handed to him by this big..." he hesitated, biting his lip.

"Leo?" You asked, wondering why he stopped.

"-You know what? It doesn't matter." He gently corrected, changing the subject.

"What? What was it?" You innocently asked, curling up against his warm, sculpted chest.

You could feel Leo's skin grow warmer with a blush, as he slowly and sweetly welcomed your embrace, holding you close.

"I'll tell you during daylight. Just... sweetie, I'll never let anything bad happen to you, as long as I live. You're safe, whether I'm near or far. Okay, sweetheart?" Leo promised with his deep innocent voice, planting a soft kiss against your forehead.

Suddenly, you heard a generator power on through your front door, and the power flicked back on.

You could at last see him. See his muscled arms around you, and the tails of his worn out blue mask resting against his chest, along side you. His plastron... rising and falling as he took in slow breaths.

Leo was so careful holding you in his arms... like you were this precious, tiny thing, that he adored with his entire existance.

"Hey, you... you there?" He muttered, growing increasingly bashful in his tension.

"I'm here." You gently assured with a smile, before pulling away to examine his handsome face.

Leonardo. Sexy, handsome, justly-confident, fierce leader. This fearless, giant turtle mutant, who was unlike anyone else in the world. His jaw clenched from sudden bashful nervousness, as his gaze shyed away from your eyes. Your stare always overwhelmed him... it was such an intimate thing to meet his eyes.

Leo cleared his throat, as he slowly reached out to your face, ever-so-carefully wiping away a tear from your cheek, watching intently and focusing as he did so.

Over cautiously gentle so he wouldn't risk hurting you with his strength.

"There we go..." he softly whispered in satisfaction, sighing with a relieved smirk.

"Can you..." you began, with every ounce of security and confidence you could muster. "Can you... stay? With me, all of tonight?"

You felt your cheeks blush intensely, blooming red, as Leo bit on his bottom lip. His eyes widened, as he fully realized your question.

"Y-yeah, o-of course I can..." Leo answered, all of a sudden a thousand times more innocent and adorable, intensely flattered and touched that you wanted him to stay at your side. "Uh... I'll... uh-" he began, moving back from kneeling on your bed before you, aimlessly pacing into your tiny kitchen.

Leo usually was so bold and certain, organized and authoritative, when he was on the move.

You recalled how you had seen first-hand how he can lay out the strategy of attack for the boys. He could be flipping into action, or running through the rooftops as he did it, with perfect coordination in his speech and movements. But with you and only you, Leo wasn't able to get the words out when he was this nervous or bashful.

He had a tendancy to overthink things.

Leo wandered into the cupboard, beginning to steep some tea on the stove as his tongue caught up with his brain.

"Do you want... tea?" He gently asked, clearing his throat.

Such husband material...

"Ah, sure." You grinned, sweetly answering.

You realized how safe and secure you felt now, with him in the studio. You weren't alone anymore.

Leo didn't say much while he prepared the tea. He hyper-focused to distract himself from the nervousness of staying at your place, ALONE with you for the night. He paced around without speaking... doing little thoughtful things, like closing the window and locking it for you, shutting the closet and bathroom door, and picking out the perfect cups for the two of you, from your DC glass cup collection.

(Leo liked the Nightwing one since it was blue, and he always gave you the batgirl one, because you loved purple. He loved it when you would geek out and tell him how those heroes were the perfect couple... it reminded him of the both of you, and hoped that you gushed about him like that when he wasn't around.)

Leo brought the cups over, moving carefully with his eyes on the glass, gently placing one in your hand, and his own at your bedside.

"I"ll sleep right here, beside you." He thought out loud, examining the hardwood floor panels.

"Ah, Leo, you're not sleeping on the ground." You ordered, taking a long drink from your cup.

"Its no trouble," he assured, unlatching and taking off his belt and sword straps, placing them on your countertop. Leo sat down across from your bed, and began taking off his customized traditional ninja footwear, so all that remained were his pants and mask.

Why did this make you blush and get so flustered, the way he lifted those muscular arms over his head? Its not like he's taking anything revealing off...

"Modest like Leo... modest like Leo..." you whispered under your breath, recomposing your wandering thoughts.

He slowly walked up to you, lying you back and pulling your covers over you. Leo gently placed his hand against your cheek, staring deep into your eyes, as a soft smile rested over his lips.

He slowly nuzzled his nose beside yours, cherishing every small movement, before planting a soft kiss on your forehead. Then, he pulled away.

You felt your arms involuntarily reach out to him, taking his face into your hands. You both stared innocently into one another's eyes, before you made a bold move, planting your lips against his. You gently kissed Leo's lips, and he kissed you back, in the most respectful, admirable, and sentimental way possible.

Kissing Leo always felt so intimate and special... even as soft and innocent as it was. Leo made the tiny gestures special to you again.

"Leo, would you please... hold me?" You whispered, tightly closing your eyes and resting your forehead against his. "Please, sleep with me tonight."

"S-sleep with-" he panicked, turning vibrant red. For the first time that night, he realized that you were wearing blue pj's... and you looked gorgeous in them. Suddenly his heart began to pound through his chest, as his posture stiffened. "Sleep... together? Like... m-make love together?"

"Ah not like that!" You bashfully assured, unable to hide your shy grin. "Just... sleep together, at least for tonight."

He took a deep breath in, that sounded shaky, like the remenants of your kiss and closeness gave him the chills. The thought of you being together in the most close and intimate form made him overwhelmed, causing him to slightly tremble. Leo invoulintarily giggled, pecking a kiss against your nose, before he pulled his mask off.

"Alright." He grinned, suddenly much more eager and confident, leaning close to you as he set his mask on your night stand, switching off the light switch with a mere stretch.

Suddenly, it was dark again. But, a peaceful dark.

"Will you, Leo?" You muttered.

"Yes." He whispered, so softly and so intimately, gazing bravely into your eyes. "Yes, Y/N."

You beamed with joy, resituating to the side of your bed, curling up and watching Leo with an adorable, excited expression. Leo broke out a nervous, adorable chuckle, as he hesitantly sat down on your bed, realizing how massive he was on the size of it. He downed his tea like a shot, (wanting to finish it as fast as possible, so he could do this soft and intimate thing with you) and clearing his throat. Blushing, he slowly lied down on his back, slowly turning to his side that faced you, and hesitantly placing his hand over your shoulder, unsure of what was too much touch.

You giggled, sliding his hand on your waist, so you could sit up and pull the covers over him. "O-oh..." Leo murmured, stiffening up from his shyness.

This was very overwhelming to him, since he really liked taking things slow and was inexperienced to everything involving romance before you. But... you loved that. It was like everything was new to you again too. It endeared you beyond belief.

You lied on your side, examining his face one last time, as he examined yours, trailing your fingertip across his sharp jawline.

"I really love you..." he whispered, meaning every word.

"I really love you too, Leo." You softly agreed, as you continued to smile.

You and Leo talked quietly for a bit, sweet whispers between soulmates, as you scratched his shell and caressed his shoulders to help relieve his stress and tension. He would slowly drift off more and more, talking less and less, gifting you with tiny, soft, slow kisses, all over your face instead.

You both drifted off to sleep, and slept wonderfully side by side, as safe and sweet as can be, just the two of you.

And, as you found out in the morning, Leo was a total, clingy cuddler in his sleep. Throughout the night, he had nuzzled closer and closer, wrapping his arms around you and cradling you, until you were cozy against his body, sharing the same warmth.

💙 Sweet dreams.💙

[hackink]

Step Dad

A short story

I hear thrashing and screaming, I yearned for it to end, never did. That quite sucks not gonna lie.

I'm the big one, it's like I'm the chosen one in my family, could be both good or bad. I've got to take care of my siblings, like all the time. The big responsibilities always point in my direction. It's not all bad, I do have my fair share of fun. But for that same reason, I must set a good example. I can't really act the way I wanna most of the time, usually I've make-up on my face, covering the skin before it. It's kinda complicated.

This one time, my parents came into my room, they introduced me to someone, he was a tall white man, and was fairly well clothed. He was wearing these really nice shoes, and had a suit on that looked like it cost buck. I shook his big hand, it felt soft, and a bit warming. We talked for about 30 minutes, he was a fairly nice person, and my parents seemed to like him as well.

After that time was over, my dad went to the room, and grabbed some suitcases out from the closet, as he rolled them by, I felt my heart drop. They explained everything.

Quickly, I put my make-up on, before it was too late, it was. Once I saw my little brother and sister hugging the leg of my dad, begging him to stay, I washed it off naturally. 'Who is he to take the place of my dad?' This thought lingered in my head that night, I took some sleeping pills.

I avoided the man, I didn't want to talk to him, if I saw my mother close to him, I'd turn my head, cause I know how violent I can get. There was this one time, where I walked into the kitchen to get a snack, was playing Minecraft with my siblings, and there I saw the two, hugging and kissing. I, at that moment, remembered how my dad taught me to drive, how he taught me to build a nice dog house for our pet dog, which had died upon my dad's exit. I remembered every single second I spent with my father, the amazing role model he was, and snapped.

Back in the 8th grade, one of my good friends was playing bloody knuckles with someone. He totaled him. He then turned to me, and held his fist up, I didn't last two punches. He told me to start punching the walls at home, bit by bit, so that it wouldn't hurt and my fists would become stronger. In two months' time, my knuckles along with my punches, had become stronger than most boys in my school. I beat my friend, the only time I did too, cause he trained after that as well, and became much better than me. Though, I did beat just about anyone in school at bloody knuckles.

I clenched my fist, and I dropped my phone. This man was innocent, I just hated the fact that he wanted to replace the man who could never be replaced, ever. I felt like letting him know. I had never punched anything as hard as I could, since it'd probably be the end of my fist, but boy do I gotta say his cheek was soft. He fell to the ground and hit the stove with his head, my mom started to scream and push me back, each little shove she gave me, let me know how much she liked this man. They all hurt. I hadn't seen her do that with my dad in the past year, and he gets to do it in the first week? I couldn't settle with that, I ran out the house, and went to my grandma's house, where I began punching the tree in order to not break down in tears.

She gave me some hot cocoa, and let me spend the night there. She felt like she always had, like my grandma, so I felt comfortable, silently I sobbed. The next morning I got up and took a shower, my hands had a bunch of wounds in them from punching the tree bare fisted, and they really hurt to clean. They were also shaking, 'maybe I cracked a bone or something?' I didn't really care, my adrenaline wasn't going down anytime soon.

I was taking a jog outside around the house to clear my mind, when I see a tall man, with some really nice shoes, and a bruise on his cheek come by. 'Your mother sent me to get you.' I ignored him, for his sake. He sat down in a chair, and patted next to him, signaling for me to take a seat. I was thinking it was a bad pun, was he here to mock me? His face was so infuriating, the fact that it wasn't six feet under was pissing me off. On my next lap around the house, I kicked his chair over, his suit looked expensive. He smiled and chuckled, 'kids these days are quite funny.' Why? He must be a psycho, my reaction would be to get mad, or confused at least!

He began to jog alongside me, this man was starting to tick me off big time. I stopped running, grabbed his tie, and said 'Get out, and I mean out, you lay another finger on my mom and I'll kill you!' I tripped him, and continued my jog. I'd feel guilty, but I can't for someone who got my father kicked out of the house, nobody deserves to live after screwing with my family.

I returned home later that day, still a tad hesitant because of the incidents the day prior. My mom asked me to help her cook, she was making shrimp. She gave me the basic rundown of what she had going, and started cutting vegetables off to the side, we started talking about the usual, how much I annoyed her, and how my siblings were idiots. I hear the door open, and I get ready for disappointment, 'Hello everybody!!' it's a... playful voice?

'Where's my food you peasants?' My eyes lighten up, followed by tears. I rush over to hug my dad, started to sob in his arms. He had a black bag, that had chips in it, he always brought chips back home from time to time. He lied it down on the table, and not long after, my siblings came running and crying. 'Dad why did you leave!?' My little brother cried as he hugged him, my sister on the other side. I felt a sense of family, something I haven't felt in a long time. Through the open door walked a other entity, the tall man. I then snapped back into life, and became a bit sad that I wasn't seeing my dad every day, or that he wasn't showing me something. I didn't feed him, I let him eat a microwaved frozen food, I could not give a damn about his existence. Well, that's a lie, I'd prefer if he was gone.

A couple weeks went by, I was kinda getting used to ignoring the tall man in my house. One good thing is that I never saw him getting intimate with my mom. Could've been good or bad, cause I couldn't punch him, bummer. He was always at work, your typical nine to five corporate slave. So when he was gone, I'd spend time normally with my family. I video chatted my dad every day or two, and just talked about life, sometimes he'd show me how to wood work via video chat. I could live with this.

One day, he came back with a few boxes in his hands, and a letter, or at least that's what it looked like. He opened the boxes in front of my sister and brother, as well as my mom and I. Inside the link box, there was a super high quality drawling tablet, the exact one that my sister always wanted, and cracked jokes about. She took it and ran to her room to use it. In the blue box, there was this laptop, one that my little brother was talking about gettjng for ages, and wouldn't shut up about how good it was. He said thank you and ran to his room to use it. I was pissed, he was trying to buy us into liking him, and it was seeming to be quite effective. He opened a my box, it was keys to a car, specifically the car I always told my dad I was going to get when I got money, and got us out of this house, into a nice house. He always said he was gonna buy it for me, I felt conflicted.

'I know we've had our ups and downs, but I really do want to get along with you as my child, or maybe even just a friend.' I saw my mom out of the corner of my eye, she was tearing up, of happiness. I came back to my senses, and went back to my room, slammed the door shut. I knew I had let my mother down, there were like twenty different emotions circulating through me, they were wreaking havoc. I began to punch the walls, I started screaming, it was probably audible from miles away. I felt weird, something I had never felt before. It didn't seem healthy, but I didn't care. This feeling was new to me, I felt like dying over and over, but even then, that might've not been enough to suppress the pain. I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm gonna kill him, he will die!'

That night, I asked him to come talk to me outside. He looked excited. We went outside, and I took him to the back of the house. I had an itch on my lower back. 'So, what's up?' I didn't reply. 'You're uh, quite the mysterious one aren't you?' He chuckled a bit to himself, I didn't move a muscle. He began to talk about what he had for the future, how he was gonna move us out in like a month, and buy us everything we wanted. 'That's what my dad's gonna do.' I mumbled quietly. 'I beg your pardon?' He replied. I couldn't take it anymore. 'My dad's gonna buy us a house, he's gonna move us out!' I pulled out the pocket knife from the back of my pants and stabbed him in the chest.

His blood came rushing out shortly, I began to scream and cry, 'You will never be my dad!' I stabbed him time and time again, he didn't move after a while. My dad walked up behind me and patted me on the back, along with my mother, sister, and little brother. We spit on him together, and we started to chant, it was a happy chant. We danced around his corpse. I started to sweat intensely, my family began to fade away, still chanting, it turned louder and louder. They began to float away, I dropped to my knees, and the tall man was laughing at me, he pointed and laughed. I started to laugh, with tears running down my face, I took the knife and pointed it at me, that's when I heard the voice. 'Wake up! Jesus Christ you've been sleeping all morning!'

My mom woke me up, I got up and went to the table. I got a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and began to eat. My mom walked outside and began to talk to my aunt, 'So, I was able to get this puppy sold for about $150!' I overheard some of their conversation, I wanted a puppy. My dad walked in with a bag, 'Hello my dear children! I am awesome for I have brought the goodies!' I look inside the bag, and tell him that he forgot my hot chips. He quickly runs outside. I take the bag over to my sister and brother, where they get their bag of chips, and start munching away. Once I finish my cereal, I get ready for school. I brush my teeth, and put on a sweater. My mom passes by me on the phone with her sister, talking about something, I couldn't quite catch it. As I open the door, I see my dad chasing after my baby sister, who's face is covered in mud, and laughing away. 'I'm gonna brush your hair so hard!' He yells at her, I giggle to myself. My aunt is outside my house, playing jump rope with my cousin. I wonder who's winning. My sister walks past me, and looks at me. 'Another bad dream?' she asks. 'Yea, this one was hectic.'

[nic-214]

Frain: Take Me To Church

Tw: Homophobia, Faggot Used, Attempted Murder, Cult, Violence

Freddie lays on the hill Brian cuddled against his side, "You know this is wrong.." Brian whispers feeling Freddie's hands roam over his body.

"I love being wrong then." Freddie whispers softly passionately kissing him roaming his hands on the younger man's backside.

Brian felt his body shudder as he kisses Freddie back the older man pulls him closer as the stars shine bright but clouds were slowly rolling in. He touches his cheek and sadly pulls away, "I'm only a field away." Freddie whispers standing up as they heard a noise.

The town of Shiloh, was entirely Anti LGBTQ+ they had to hide their relationship heavily. They have little safe moments together which are becoming fewer and fewer.

"We were born sick." Brian whispers putting a cold hand against his cheek not wanting to leave his love behind. He felt Fred's heated breath against his face, Brian grabs Fred by one of his suspender strap and kisses him passionately. He felt the roughness of his beard rub against Fred's bare cheek.

"The only heaven I got is when I'm with you." Freddie whispers forcing himself away wanting to feel more of Brian wanting to keep him in his arms.

Brian works for the church and Freddie attends the church even if he isn't the same religion.... a new poison each week.

It was hard being in a homophobic town and being a immigrant. They make sure to blend in by worshiping heavily and "dating" women..... Aka  paying a few women to be their girlfriends. The two bought houses that were a field away from each other and they worked on their farming. Everything was going smooth no one suspected any thing right?

Freddie was waiting to be dragged away he had been caught dating a white woman named Mary. He didn't stick to his own race and he knew that was sinful enough but lord if the town ever found out about him and Brian? He would have to flee the very same hour while a huge ass witch hunt would conduct. He can almost feel the burn of ropes dig into his skin as stones hit him and it makes him shudder to think such a thing but he knows what the town is like.

Freddie and Brian part ways like they've been doing each night since they started dating five years ago with linger eyes and a yearning for each other. Freddie assumes it will be like any other night they kiss goodbye and head back to their homes, only a field away never too far apart. Freddie greets his cat, Chester as he kicks the door behind him closed.

"Hey buddy. Did you miss daddy?" Freddie asks.

Loud intense purring comes from Chester and Freddie laughs as he gets dinner started, "My lover's got humor..." Freddie whispers then frowns, "She's the giggle at a funeral...Knows everybody's disapproval. I should've worshiped her sooner....If the Heavens ever did speak.... H- She's the last true mouthpiece." he tells his old cat scratching behind Chester's ears.

The stew almost smelled heavenly the sign of a good cook was in the kitchen or  complete luck. Freddie got a cutesy little flowery designed bowl down for his stew and prepared to get a nice beer from the fridge when he heard the commotion of a century happening outside his house. Freddie peers out as the rain sprinkles gingerly down a small bonfire was a blazed, two men guard it, Father Daniel and his son Abel he has a older brother but Freddie doesn't see him anywhere. They had a bonfire going in the centre of the field.

No masters or kings when the ritual begins

Freddie rushes out there his boots almost slipping in the mud, "Father! Father what is the matter?!" one of his straps was dangling off his shoulder now, Chester his beloved kitty was at his feet mud covered now.

"There's a nasty disgusting faggot right under our noses." Father Daniel sneers, "We're going to get rid of him." a big smirk comes onto his face, "Wanna joi-"

Freddie's already running to Brian's house it would be too dark to see anything but the young man's house was engulfed in flames the poor boy was being dragged out by his hair he was kicking and scream while trying to protect his body from the rocks being pelted at him some of the men still held molotov cocktails in their hands, some had their faces covered by masks.  Freddie could hear the town's words, all the screaming and wailing.

"Pedo!" a big hulk of a man screams crashing their boot into Brian's nose, "You're going to burn in hell!"

"He's mental ill!" a woman yells fanning herself with a church flyer.

"He's been vaccinated!'' someone else wails in the crowd sounding like a banshee.

Freddie hides behind some shrubbery he has to come up with a plan to rescue his love, Chester rubs against his knees and meows. Freddie covers his mouth, "You're right, Chess."

The town released all their pent up rage using Brian as some toy as they beat him, stone him, toss him around. He's being dragged towards the bonfire he's screaming for his life. His eyes are so full of fear and he's starting to choke on his own blood. They are literally going to burn him at the stake if Fred doesn't stop this.

"Stop!!" Freddie screams bolting from the shrubbery lifting his hands up a blueish glow seems to emerge from them as a  crack of lighten happens and the rain gushes down, Chester stands by his owner meowing louder, more than comes down.

"Witch!!" Abel yells lifting up his shotgun at Freddie.

"I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies!" Freddie screams, "I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife

Offer me my deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life. Please spare him!''

"Cain no!" it was Father Daniel's voice.

Cain fired his shotgun and hit his brother instead the preteen falls to the ground and a woman's cry can be heard,

Freddie raises his hand and sends Cain flying back into his father sending both men barreling towards the bonfire, "Witch! He's a witch!" the town stampedes around tramping each other leaving a dying Abel and a dying Brian.

Freddie steps over Abel guilt fills him but he can't help, Chester rubs against the boy's face. The boy looks already dead anyway and he just hopes Brian is still alive. Freddie kneels the mud soaking through his jeans freezing his legs more, "I don't know how they found my little secret out." the words come out with a twisted giggle, "Maybe I wasn't that safe."

He saw Brian's dulling hazel eyes search his face, "There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin," he cups Brian's cold wet face with one hand,

"In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene." he presses a chaste kiss against Brian's chapped lips.

He raises his hand the blueish glow returns he grazes the tips of his fingers against Brian's temple making the younger man cry out and arch his back before collapsing into his arms his white dirty dress shirt sticks to his thin body, "You truly are a witch." Brian rasps out a glow among his eyes.

"I'll leave, Brian. I understand." Freddie says getting ready to stand.

Brian grabs him weakly and kisses him feebly, "I love the mad ones."

Freddie gingerly picks up Abel and brings him inside the crumbling church Brian following at his heels he still has some bruises peppered on him, Chester meows following after flicking his big fluffy tail trying to get water out. Freddie lays Abel on a small table and heals him, "In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. I heal you, amen." it was bullshit Freddie spewed from his mouth but he knew faith would most likely help ease Abel as he gets healed.

"Lets leave." Freddie says taking Brian's hand dirt was still caked in his nails and fingers from where he fought for his life only a little bit ago, "A train will be leaving soon."

"Take me with you." Abel speaks up struggling to sit up he holds his head.

Now that Freddie can see him in the light better he realizes the boy is no older than 9 years old. He's malnourished and missing a good bit of teeth.

Brian pushes past Freddie and grabs Abel putting the boy on his hip, "Lets flee before they get brave."

Freddie picks up Chester and snuggles into the kitty's ginger fur, "Come now."

And the walk to the train station under the cover of darkness, they manage to get tickets to the farthest town away from Shiloh, Mulberry. It was was a tiny small town perfect to hide and blend in to. The four leave town on a train around late 5AM, leaving the cult like town of Shiloh behind them. They watch out the train window as the fire from the bonfire spreads engulfing the cursed town like a hungry serpent.

[soft-foxxay]

Neglectful • foxxay

Lately, Cordelia had been putting more effort on her position as supreme than anything else, including her relationship with Misty. And lately, Misty had been feeling way too lonely that she started to think that Cordelia is neglecting their relationship on purpose. They barely have little night conversations that usually don't happen because Cordelia is often too tired.

That night wasn't much different, Cordelia was out to manage some stuff leaving Misty alone to deal with her loneliness. Misty was trying to get herself busy with some plants at the greenhouse before she started suffocating with her own overthinking. The tears  threatened her eyes and she felt her explosion approaching, so she let go of what she was doing and decided to go back inside and drown all the useless thoughts with sleep.

As she got in, she caught the sight of Zoe and Madison chattering in the hall, more like lowly arguing, with the fireplace dimly illuminating the white walls. She tried to make her steps unheard as she made her way upstairs, avoiding any kind of contact with the other witches.

She turned the light off as soon as she entered the room, letting the room drown into the darkness, as if she was afraid invisible creatures would see her tears if they fell. She buried herself beneath the covers and gave sleep a way into her, but sleep wasn't there to come.

This was even more torturing to her, to lay awake in bed, surrounded but the emptiness of the room and struggling with her demons that started to swallow her alive.

In that meantime, Cordelia shut the door behind her as she got into the big white mansion, her eyes scanning the place on hope to find Misty somewhere around, but instead all she could find was the two girls disagreeing with each other as usual.

"Where's Misty?" The supreme questioned, a serious tone of concern adoring her voice. Her voice made the two girls lift their heads up towards her.

"How am I supposed to know? My girlfriend or yours?" Madison hurried to answer, clearly showing her annoyance.

Cordelia let the sigh drift out of her lips at Madison's unhelpful answer, and decided to go look Misty by herself. Guilt was running in her veins and burning her up on the inside, she wished that she had spent more time with Misty, not only because she knew that Misty was probably upset now, but also because she missed her so much. She missed everything about her one true love.

She was met by the darkness of the room once she stepped in. Unlike every night, Misty wasn't waiting for her, which grew heartache in her at some point. She took off her shoes and every cloth that covered her body except her underwear and bra before she lied in bed with her arms wrapped around Misty's still waist.

"I don't wanna talk to ya." Misty uttered, which caused the other woman to let go of her much needed sleep and pour her attention on Misty.

"Why is that, love?" Cordelia let her voice fill the room as she planted a bunch of gentle kisses of Misty's bare shoulder.

"Ya know why." The swamp witch tried to suppress the tears within her eyes, but seemingly all her attempts fell off a cliff when her cheeks got damp with tears.

Cordelia did know, by rewinding everything that happened between them through the previous week she came to realize she was pretty neglectful, in a painful way. Her eyes were opened to the fact that she'd been treating Misty like any normal witch in her coven more than a girlfriend. And by that time she came to understand why Misty was upset, she had the right to be.

"I'm sorry I-" She tried to speak, but not even apologizing could wipe away the guilt she felt. How did she not realize before, how did she not see how hurt her lover was, because of her.

"Yeah sure." Misty immediately replied, cutting off Cordelia. The pain her voice added more onto Cordelia, crushing her heart into dust.

She pulled Misty even closer, nuzzling her head into her neck. She filled her senses with Misty's scent like a needed medicine. In one moment she felt like her tears were about to burst out of her eyes in a way she wouldn't resist, but she knew she had to stop herself.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Listen, I know I've been- a big great pain in the ass and I'm not saying I'm not the one to blame, I was wrong for being so damn neglectful. But hey, maybe we can make up now? I was already planning for something for us tonight but to find out that you've already went to bed ruined it, but we're good, okay?" The supreme spoke, in a gentle voice tone that was a little shaky, brushing away a hair lock that blocked the view of Misty's face.

"It doesn't matter, we make up tonight but as you wake, you're no different." Painfully, Misty replied, stabbing a thousand knives right into Cordelia's heart.

"At this point, you're wrong. I just don't want you ever think that all this neglect we've been going through is intended or anything, it's just a tough while we're going through and it will be washed away, from now." She gently whispered into Misty's ear ever so lowly as if she feared someone from outside the walls would hear. She pressed her lips softly on her lover's cheek in a soothing manner, tasting the slight taste of salt the tears left behind.

"We're good, aren't we?" In more like a worried voice Cordelia asked, her heart started beating with concern and her mind made images of what she feared most when she got nothing from Misty as a reply.

In that very moment, as if Misty could tell how concerned Cordelia was, she turned towards the supreme, face to face with her lover as she planned on exposing what was in her heart like an open book.

"I - I was just too scared you don't want me anymore, you don't want us. That thought got me losin' my shit. I - I don't wanna lose you, Delia." She bit on her inner cheek in hard attempts to gather the tears inside her eyes, to make her voice come out as strong as she desired, but before she could even tell, she broke down in tears and became a raging mess of sobs, like a fragile piece of glass shattering in between Cordelia's arms.

"Hell, no no no! This is not happening, erase this thought off your head!" Cordelia tightened her grip on Misty, as if she was trying to keep her together, to keep her from falling apart. She wiped as many tears as she could with the palm of her hand but Misty's tears couldn't seem to stop.

Cordelia tilted the swamp witch's head up a little so she could see the sparkles in her eyes with more of the clearance. Fireworks started lighting up her chest the moment she looked at Misty's eyes, realizing all over again how beautiful everything in her was, in the same time realizing how much of an asshole she was to not care much for such an angel.

She tangled their lower limps together in the form of a cuddle, and wrapped her arms tight around Misty's waist as if to keep her close forever. Only then, Misty's tears stopped flowing like a river out of her eyes, and there was finally an end limit to her sobs that seemed endless a moment ago.

"I want you to be with me forever, no force in the world could ever tear us apart, and that's the only thing I know for certain. I wanna spend every moment I have left with you because during this time I was distant I figured out how fucked I'd be if you ever wanted to let go of me." She smoothly said, more like a whisper, while running her fingers through Misty's wild mess of golden curls.

"You are more like the oxygen I breathe, maybe even more important, more like the light to my eyes. Your existence in my life is an actual necessity, quite simply. If I didn't have you I'd sure be lost, lacking love and maybe even life." She continued her business of brushing Misty's mess of a hair as she spoke.

"I - I love you, like so much." She heard Misty whisper back at her, her voice sounded faint and ever so fragile, lovely in all definitions. With this statement, she was finally feeling the peace of mind, knowing that everything will be just fine even before the sun of the morning shows itself.

"I love you, oh well I adore you. I need you, most of the time it just gets difficult to live knowing that you're not around. I want you, forever." As she spoke, she seemed to be drifting away in her own fantasies and wild imaginations.

Her index finger escaped her control and went under Misty's chin in order to tilt her head up enough for Cordelia to look at her straight in the eyes. Once Cordelia's eyes met Misty's she saw glimmers of hope and love adorning the ocean blue eyes, she saw an entire galaxy of stars roaming in her eyes, beautifully. A hint of a smile lit up the once sad face, giving it a whole different kind of perfect.

Every part of her disobeyed, every part of her ran away from her control, and this effect became significant on her when her lips hovered over Misty's, hesitant to make the move until an urge in her crashed her lips against the petal soft lips of Misty in a gentle kiss that worked absorbing all their discomfort, all troubles away, throwing all to the ocean as if it had never been.

The kiss grew more passionate, more heartfelt when they both needed such thing a long while ago to regain their vitality. Cordelia took Misty's lips in hers ever so  gladly, letting her silently know that she'd go to the ends of the Earth to get this kiss if she had to,and on the other hand, Misty kissed back quite soulfully to complete their passionate action.

Seconds after, their lips parted, still leaving a sweet effect on each other. Misty's head rested comfortably on Cordelia's chest, with Cordelia's arms already wrapping around her and running her fingers through her hair. They went back to the state of peace they wished to return to, and finally, the quietness after the storm was theirs to claim.

"I will be with till my last dying breath, and that's my promise."

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.11: “Damaged Goods”

THEN: Oh, good, we're going to have a Nick episode. I was hoping for that. (NOT.) Michael is trapped in Dean's internal walk-in. Billie has bad news related to that.

NOW: Nick interrogates a demon about another demon named Abraxis. The name sounds a little familiar and I waste a few seconds wondering where I've heard it before, but then I realize it's the demon who killed Nick's family and this has been Nick's entire focus and that's how little I care about Nick and his quest, that I couldn't even bother to remember who he was after. Anyway, he learns that the hunter who last dealt with Abraxis is in Hibbing. Oooh, who else do we know in Hibbing?

Title card!

Dean is packing. Books about angels. Tools. Work gloves. I was a little afraid we were going to ignore last week's horrifying revelation, and Dean would just sit on that information for a while. But he's wearing his Red Shirt of Bad Decisions, so we know the shit is going down tonight! \o/

He leaves the storeroom and kind of looks down the hallway, which is really insignificant the first time you watch this episode, but on rewatch you realize what he's thinking right here, and that he doesn't ever expect to see this hallway again... but I'm getting ahead of myself. He goes into the library, where Sam is quietly studying in the darkness (is that a new shirt? I like it). He ignores it when Sam asks how he's feeling. Dean tells Sam he appreciates that he's trying to help him, and Sam's all, yeah, what else would I do? He asks if Dean wants to join him, and they have this conversation.

Actually, I thought I'd go for a drive, you know, just me and Baby, long stretch of road. And figured I'd make it a two-fer, go see Mom at Donna's cabin.

Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. Be good to see them. Just let me find a stopping point and get packed up.

Actually, I was, uh, I was kind of hoping for some one-on-one time with Mom, if that's cool.

Yeah. Sure, yeah. Whatever you need.

And I thought this conversation was going to break my heart, because Sam clearly does NOT think this trip sounds great, but he's going to go anyway because it's what Dean wants/needs to do, and then Dean rejects that, and Sam's little face is going to do me in. And on rewatch, it kind of seems like Dean is stalling here, like he can't bring himself to leave (but again, I'm getting ahead of myself) AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.

Dean comes around behind Sam and HUGS HIM and says "take care, Sammy" and I'm just WHAAAAT. NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT. THIS IS SUCH A BAD, BAD SIGN, SAM WINCHESTER, AND YOU KNOW IT.

And also, there goes the rest of my heart.

Cut to Mary at the aforementioned cabin, talking to Sam on the phone. She says the cabin's been quiet since Bobby took off for a few days. The old "I need a little space after killing the ghoul version of my dead son" thing. Happens to the best of us. Sam tells her he's worried because Dean's acting so weird, and mentions the hug. Mary says "that's sweet," proving that she doesn't know her sons at all. Really, Mary, you've witnessed ONE hug between them. ONE. Sam points out that they don't hug unless it's "literally the end of the world," which isn't quite true. It would be more accurate to say "unless one of us is dying or just came back from the dead," which is slightly more frequent than the end of the world Either way, Mary assures him that everything will be fine. But as Sam's talking to her, he's walking through the storerooms in the bunker and he sees some books are missing.

(Sidebar: Why are these books kept in the storeroom and not the library? And why are regular tools apparently kept with supernatural paraphernalia? Couldn't that cause problems? What if a MoL novice was sent to Storeroom 2 for a reciprocating saw and he couldn't figure out why a saw would reciprocate or what that would look like and he came back with something he dug out of a curse box instead? I'm seeing all kinds of potential OSHA violations here.)

Now we see Dean enjoying a messy burger. Oh, he's with Donna! I love Dean and Donna, y'all. She tries to ask him about himself, but he keeps deflecting. Which doesn't fool her at all, and she finally says "just wondering if you've run out of ways to ask me how I'm doing, so as to avoid me repaying the favor." She knows about Michael, because of Sam. "What, has he got a freaking newsletter," Dean grumps. But I'm glad to see Sam's been talking to his support system, because in the past, he's not done that as often as he should.

Dean ends the conversation with the typical "I'm fine" nonsense and gives Donna one of those big hugs where he looks absolutely stricken while she can't see him and then plasters on a smile when they pull apart, and you KNOW how I love when he does that. He pulls away and says "I'll see ya." But it's pretty obvious Dean is on his farewell tour and never intends to see Donna again. It's also pretty obvious that Donna can tell something is up.

Dean pulls up to the cabin, which is seriously in need of some work on the roof, and immediately hears gunshots. It turns out to be Mary murdering some pumpkins for target practice. (SHE'S STILL GOT THAT LOCK OF TOO-LONG HAIR.) He tells her he wants to stick around for a couple of days, which surprises her. She suggests they call Sam to join them, but he says he wants to be "a little greedy with my Mom time." No, Dean, that's not suspicious at all. Jesus. (Or, as someone pointed out, Sorry Sam, but Mom was MY gift.)

Mary pushes it, and Dean comes right out and says "I don't want Sam here," and again, Dean, that's not suspicious at all. How is someone who lies professionally such a BAD liar? He explains his mood away by claiming to be hangry, even though he just finished the best burger in all of Minnesota, and tells Mary he wants the one thing she can cook, something called Winchester Surprise. She heads out to the grocery store, and doesn't suggest that the son who drove all this way to see her would want to ride along. Or maybe she does, and he refuses, and they just didn't show us that part. Anyway, the important thing is, Dean's alone and he has work to do.

He gets his bag out of the Impala and strides purposely into a large shed decorated with pictures of topless guys with 70s porn 'staches. The first one reminds me a LOT of Doug 2.0, so I laugh when Dean says "Well, Donna certainly has a type." Yes she does. He finds an 8-track player, of all things, but is interrupted by a sudden burst of Michael banging on his door. The tape he chooses is the Guess Who, and the song is "No Time Left For You," which I've never liked (lots of experience with 70s music here, kiddos) but it seems appropriate. And then he gets to work, and if you thought Sam soldering last week was hot, you're in for a treat. Let's forget our annoyance with the soundtrack and concentrate on how much we appreciate Metalworking!Dean, complete with welding helmet and safety goggles, under the watchful eyes of several shirtless moustachioed cowboys.

Mmmm, yes, we do appreciate it.

(Sidebar: Where did all this metal come from?)

Meanwhile, at the grocery store, we get a fake-out where we think someone threatening is accosting Mary, but it's only a friendly employee. And we also see that Mary puts her grocery bags in the bed of her truck? So not only does she not know how to cook, but she doesn't even know where to PUT FOOD? I.e., IN THE CAB?

He says buying food is new for her, because she usually buys whiskey, pumpkins, and crossword puzzles. Damn, Mary, it really seems like things aren't going well out there at the Love Shack if you're spending all day drinking, shooting pumpkins, and doing crossword puzzles. I'm gonna go ahead and call it - Mobby is doomed. She tells him she has family in town, which I expect to turn into the inevitable oh no, this guy is a demon and now he knows Dean is there.

But I'm exactly wrong. Nick pulls up in the creepiest windowless van possible and asks the guy if he knows where Mary Winchester is. Because why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't Random Grocery Store Guy know where everyone in Hibbing Minnesota, population 16,361, resident or guest, lives? Random Grocery Store Guy pretends he doesn't know who she is. Good for him.

(BTW, the fastest route from Lebanon to Hibbing is about 12.5 hours. But it's all interstate and I suspect either Winchester would take the route that uses more state highways and is 13.5 hours.)

(Sidebar: Yes, when I open Mapquest, Lebanon is always in my Recents. Is that not normal?)

Apparently Nick decides he'll just cruise the greater Hibbing area and try to find her, because we seem him after nightfall driving his creepy van. A police car drives by, and then turns around and pulls him over. He makes sure his stolen angel blade is in place and hides a paperclip somewhere on his person before the officer gets to him. Oooh, it's Donna!

She cuffs him and tells him the van's been reported stolen, but she also reveals she knows he's looking for Mary, and don't like the way she lays all her cards on the table like that. Let him think you're just arresting him for a stolen car, Donna. Don't let him know you're onto his Grand Scheme. He says his name is "Nunya" and then "Eat Me" (oooh, is he related to the Eat Me Sam met a few seasons ago?), but she's got some kind of mobile fingerprint scanner. Does this thing exist? She discovers who he is, but while her back is turned, he uses his paperclip to get out of the cuffs. They fight, and she seems to have the upper hand, but he gets her taser and that's the end of that.

Love Shack. When Mary pulls up, Dean is outside by the door to the Shed of Mysterious Building. He lies about what he's doing out there and carries the groceries inside, to where the table is set and he wants to help her cook (THIS IS NOT OKAY) and she FINALLY realizes something is up. (Also, Dean, we know you're not a terrible cook. Don't lie just to make your mom feel better.) She quietly talks to Sam from upstairs (though not quietly enough, Dean totally would have heard her in the real world) and agrees that something is going on. Sam tells her about the missing items and says he thinks he should come up, but she says to give her more time. WHY, MARY. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE PERSON TO ADDRESS THIS AND NOT SAM. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON KEEPING HIM 13.5 HOURS AWAY. WHY. It doesn't matter, because when Sam hangs up, we see he's already on his way. YES. THAT'S MY BOY.

Dinner. Dean tells a funny/tragic story about their childhood and Mary gets a case of The Sads, realizing how much she's missed and "how much the two of you just..." Just everything, Mary. They just EVERYTHING. Together. Without John, without you. AND STILL YOU THINK SAM SHOULD SIT IN THE BUNKER AND LET YOU HANDLE THIS. DAMMIT, MARY.

Anyway. Dean says her being alive has meant "everything to me, and everything to Sam." He claims to appreciate this wonderful time they're having, but he falters when he says "there's no clouds on the horizon." Because it's a LIE. She tells him he can talk to her about whatever he's going through, and he says "Everybody keeps asking me how I am. And how I am, is I don't want to talk about it. Please."

Oh lord, his face.

Later, as he snores gently on the couch, we see Mary tiptoe downstairs and outside, to check out what's happening in the Shed of Mysterious Building. (Sidebar: Dean sleeps with one arm flung behind his back, which I think we first saw in No Escape, and I always thought it was an odd and fake-looking way to sleep until I realized I actually do that sometimes myself.) She looks through the books and things and figures out what he's doing and it must be bad because she says "no, no, no." Meanwhile, Donna is waking up inside her own cruiser. I wonder why Nick left her alive?

Dean wakes up to the sound of a ringing phone. It's not his, it's Mary's. Donna is calling to warn him about Nick. But it's too late, because when Dean goes outside, Mary isn't there. But Sam is. "Hey, whoa, easy!" he says, facing down Dean's gun, and that tickles me for some reason.

Creepy van. Nick whines to Mary. He found email from Mary in Donna's phone, giving the address of the Love Shack. He thinks Mary knows where Abraxis is. She does - the demon is trapped inside an Enochian puzzle box in a storage locker, locately conveniently in or near Hibbing. I don't care about any of this.

At the Love Shack, Sam blames himself for Nick running around like a free madman, because of course he does. Donna's APB gets a result - the creepy van has been spotted outside Grand Rapids. Donna says that's 30-40 minutes away, but Grand Rapids is actually 11.5 hours away from Hibbing. Maybe there's a little town called Grand Rapids near Hibbing. A town so small that Mapquest doesn't even know about it.

(I KNOW. NO ONE CARES. MOVING ON.)

Nick gets the Enochian puzzle box (yeah, this scene goes on FOREVER and I'm skipping a lot here, is anyone complaining? nope didn't think so) and wants to release the demon so they can talk. Mary points out that the demon needs a host to talk, and it can't be Nick and it can't be her, and she flashes an anti-possession tattoo as explanation. So drills the box open and Nick forces the storage locker employee to be the host. Abraxis says he'll tell Nick why they killed his family if he kills Mary slow and bloody.

While this is happening, we see Sam and Dean on that 30 minute/11.5 hour drive to Grand Rapids. Sam looks despondent, and they have this conversation:

Say it. I can see you want to. Might as well go ahead and say it.

All right. Nick is not a project. He's not a freaking puppy. He was Lucifer's vessel for years.

I know that, Dean, I thought -

You thought he'd what, just walk it off? Come on, man, you're not that dumb.

It's not about being dumb, Dean, it's called compassion. Look, what happened to Nick could have happened to me. It almost happened to me. You change one little thing in our past and that WAS me! Lucifer wearing ME to the prom. Besides, since when do we give up on people? Since when do we just cut people loose?

Well, maybe you need to learn, okay? Because when people are past the point of saving, maybe you need to learn to walk away.

Ouch. I hurt for both of them. Poor Sam, seeing himself in Nick and wanting to save that guy the way he wishes someone had wanted to save him. Having faith in Nick's potential the way he wanted someone, anyone, to have faith in his own. And Dean obviously isn't talking about Nick, at least not there at the end, because we've heard it from Dean before, talking about himself. I can't be saved; walk away.

The guys arrive at the storage locker just in time to stop Nick from killing Mary slow and bloody. Nick scratches out the devil's trap that's holding the demon, and Abraxis immediately tosses them around and tells Nick he was chosen completely at random. Damn, Nick is as whiny as Lucifer was. (I wonder who influenced who? Discuss.)

Dean tries to quietly exorcise the demon, but Abraxis flings him against a shelf and we get a flash of skin. But before he can start killing anyone, Nick stabs him with the stolen angel blade. Then Nick acts like he's going to stab the others if they don't let him escape, so Donna shoots him in the leg. Dammit, Donna, this was the perfect opportunity to kill him. He already killed one person, and he was threatening to kill the rest of you. It would have been a clean shoot. Instead, Mary punches the wounded whiny baby and Sam does a wee little version of his glorious post-exertion huff.

Outside, Sam gives Nick a sad, confused look.

Why?

I needed the truth, Sam. I needed revenge for my family. You would have done the same thing.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, I'm sorry I didn't know how.

It's not about you, Sam. It was never about you. You couldn't fix me because I didn't want to be fixed. I was never broken.

Yeah, Nick, you are. I don't feel sorry for you, Nick. I feel sorry for the people you hurt, the people you murdered. The people whose faces will haunt you every night for the rest of your life. You can burn.

FUUUUUCK. That's cold as hell and it's not like Sam Winchester at all and I love it to pieces. He's finally given up on this asshole. But it's finally time to move away from the B plot, and Mary tells Dean she saw what he was building in the shed. She knows what he's building, she knows what he's planning, and the three of them ARE going to talk about it. And if he doesn't tell Sam, she will. So, you finally think Sam's input is important, Mary? Good to know.

When the sun rises, we're back at the Shed of Mysterious Building. Dean is showing Sam what he's done. He calls it something like a "maloch box," which I'm sure is spelled wrong. It looks like a giant coffin (yeah, about that...) Nothing can escape it, not even an archangel. Sam knows what they are but says they're impossible to build, and Dean's all, "not so much." And then they have this conversation and I'm sorry (no I'm not), but I had to transcribe the whole thing.

That's your plan? You want to be buried alive?

Buried's not safe enough. Plan is, pay a little hush money, charter a boat to take me out to the Pacific. Splash.

You and Michael, trapped, together, for eternity.

Yeah.

You do realize how insane this is, right?

It's the only sane play I've got. Michael gets out, that's it for this world. And he will get out.

How do you know that for sure?

Because I do. Because I can feel him, in my head. That door is giving. I can feel it giving.

There has to be another way.

There's not, okay? There's... Sam, you've tried. Cas has tried. Jack. And I love you for trying, but none of it's going to work.

But we don't know that!

Yeah, we do.

What?

Billie. She paid me a little visit. She said that there's only one way that this ends right. And this is it. This, right here. This box. So she gave up the special recipe and all I had to do was the work. It's fate.

Since when do we believe in fate?

Now, Sam. Since now.

So, you came out here, to see Donna, to see Mom, on some what, some sick secret farewell tour? You were gonna leave, and you weren't even gonna tell me. Me. Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair that is?

I didn't have a choice! Sam, you're the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, cause you're the only one that could have talked me out of it! And I won't be talked out of it. I won't. I'm doing this. Now you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I'm doing this.

...

All right.

Oh, guys.

Well, I've got to admit, Dean's prophesied horrifying death was a letdown. First, because it wasn't even new - it was basically the same fate Death offered him when he had the MoC. Worse, sure. Being locked in a box with an angry archangel rather than floating in space and having some kind of dream life, never a good option. (ASK SAM. HE KNOWS.) But mostly because it didn't live up to his reaction when he first read Billie's book. I was sure (and I wasn't alone) that his tearful reaction meant it was going to involve something horrible for someone he loves (SAM). But this? The Dean we know would have reacted the way he did when Rowena told him he had to "be the bomb" in order to destroy Amara. Yeah, this sucks, but I always knew it was gonna end ugly, so, whaddya gonna do?

(Sidebar: This brings up an interesting question. I know an angel's vessel is immortal, but would Dean still be immortal even though Michael was trapped inside his head? Would the fact that Michael wasn't in the driver's seat stop him from keeping his vessel alive? Or would the angel's grace do that all on its own?)

But oh, guys. This scene. THIS SCENE. These two. Dean saying I love you for trying. Dean at the beginning, chin up, so defiant, so defensive because this is exactly what he was afraid of - telling Sam, and having to stick to his plan. (He's probably remembering the last time Sam talked him out of this very thing, kneeling on the floor in front of him, agreeing to support the plan for Dean to lock himself up with the Mark of Cain forever, looking up at him with the puppy dog eyes and nodding to accept that Dean has to cut his head off in order to prevent him from undoing that act; or maybe he's not actually remembering that but now I am, goddammit guys, I need a minute.) And Sam realizing that last little hug was Dean's last planned goodbye, and being so angry and so hurt, and the way he looks so young there at the end, when he stops and finally says "all right." I know we've seen this before but IT STILL GETS ME. EVERY DAMN TIME.

(Sidebar: Did Dean leave Sam a note? Is it in the bunker somewhere? Because Sam's last conversation with his father was the old man saying I don't know why we always fight, now go away and his last conversation with his brother would have been I want to go visit Mom without you. Discuss. Fanfic it. Come wail with me about it.)

(Also... Dean's farewell tour didn't include Cas? Jack? Jody?)

Well. Happy 40th birthday, Dean Winchester.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

So, this episode? Too much Nick. Not enough Sam. Things that did not live up to expectations. But also, things that were wonderfully unexpected. I've seen worse, my friends. What did you think? And please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!

[writersperpetualblock]

Hi can i request a shigaraki tomura (if you write for him ofc) x reader where reader is a very bold villain both with fighting and flirting (kinda like harley quinn if you know her) and can you make it NSFW (sorry if this isn't the place to request I'm very new to tumblr and it's all confusing @-@

Heyy! I’d be glad to write something like that for you, I hope it reaches expectations :) And welcome to Tumblr, have a safe journey here. I will make a SFW part for those who may be interestedin reading just that andd the NSFW shall be marked where it starts.

SFW kids!

“This is all too much boyss. Let’s make a deal, a kiss for each if ya let me go!”

Your words seemed to be falling into deaf ears. You were kind of thrilled to learn what was going on. Getting kidnapped was the most exciting thing to happen to you all week. But maybe you’d have to throw in a threat or two to make a point.

“Okay y'know what? Forget that, if you don’t let me go this instant I promise I will…” and just like that the bag that covered your head got take off.

“A bar? Jeez, that’s not the best way to ask a girl for a drink.”

“Brought you something good.”

“What’s this Broker? You decided we’d kidnap new recruits?”

Your head bounced back and forward, they were completely ignoring your being there. Your brows furrowed as you recognized the people around you. At last, he had finally brought you to them.

“Oh my! A pleasure this is, I asked Giran to bring me by long ago.” You walked to the closest person and pressed a kiss to their cheek, continuing to greet the people sitting around the bar. “Hi, My name is y/n but I go by Sunny! You’re Toga I pressume?”

The blonde girl with the buns smiled at you. “Sunny huh?”

“Why bring her here like that?”

“She’s a smart-ass, can’t take any chances with her really.”

“What makes you think I will take her?” I turned on my heel, so that was him huh. Merely a few strides away, I had to make them count. First impressions matter, so as I walked towards him I made sure to swing my hips just enough.

“You, must be the leader. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you y'know.”

“Have you now?” his red eyes scan me. “Why are you here?”

“I’m here to fight you. And if I deem you worthy then beside you, I have a really bad boredom case so I could use something exciting in ma’ life yknow.” I smile at him, or at the hand on his face whatever. “I like the whole hand thing, is it like a kink?” you hear at least two of the people at the bar snort and smirk.

“Fight me you say?” he asks turning his head, I turn mine too to match his actions and undo the metal rope I carry around as a belt.

“Are you willing or do I have to make you?” I pout at him, I knew his quirk and I was walking on dangerous zone. But something about this thin, overpowered dude intrigued me.

There was a full silence for less than a minute before I had to swing the rope and catch his wrist. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll lead the way.” I pulled him to me in a quick motion and ripped the hand from his face. Startled red eyes looked up at me, and they quickly turned angry. He threw himself at me in order to catch the hand and started obliterating the rope from his wrist. I easily evaded but let him have the hand, and that seemed to trigger him further. As he put a hand on my shoulder and sat me down on the floor.

“Mm, let’s at least get on name bases first honey.” I say dodging the hand that was coming for my face and heating up my body. I didn’t call myself Sunny for now reason. As quick as he felt the burn he pulled his hand away and shrieked.

I scooped out from under him and grabbing his leg I brought him to the floor. My heart was beating in all directions as I sat on his stomach and held his hands to his sides. He said all sorts of things and squirmed under me, clearly pissed and I smiled down at him. Ragged breaths hitting his face.

“C'mon you can take me on, I’ve seen you fight.

A soft growl built up at his neck and then he was shouting at me. “I’ll kill you!!” he lifted himself from the floor and thrusted his chest against mine knocking me back. I let out a yelp as my back hit the floor and then four fingers wrapped around my throat. I chuckled and batted my lashes to the blue haired guy sittuated on top of me.

“Angry is a good look on you boy.”

“Do you think this is a joke?” he tightened the grip on me and the air faltered.

“Nah, I just want to show off to you.” and with a smile I heated up my entire body, shinning a blinding light to his face. He fell back at the sudden heat under his hands and the rest covered their faces.

“Is that a fire quirk?” some guy asked as I sat up, he had scars all over his face.

“I wouldn’t say so, its more like, an oven or something. With light, so like the sun.” I sighed, blood was rushing through my head making everything a little dizzy but I stood up regardless. “I’m here, because I hate being in the shadows, when I was obviously meant to shine. If I can shine with the League so be it, the world deserves to see.”

“That is extremely narcissistic.” another guy says, “You’re so cool!” he then adds with a higher tone.

The leader was in front of me again, growling slightly, still pissed for what I could see. His eyes trailed down at me, and he noticed most of my clothes burned off by my quirk so he quickly looked away. “Not a good enough reason.”

“What’s that handsome? Do I need to have some sad background story or something? You will benefit from me, that much is clear. And I would sure appreciate the sight of you every once in a while.”

His eyes widened a bit, and he looked taken a back for a small fraction of a second.

“What? No one ever tell you they wanna play with your hair or press up against you?” I shrugged, he was a tall guy with big hands, for all I cared it was better for me if nobody else chatted him up.

“We will test you.”

“I’m dying to see what kind of tests you’re gonna do to me.” I winked and catched only a slight look at his skin lighting up as I turned around.

NSFW part starts here./p>

The tests where not what I expected.

They had actually nearly killed me. But also I had nearly killed them too so we were even. Except Tomura and I, having analysed my fighting style already he was only beating my ass over and over. And there was a feeling building up inside of me right at the cut between grudge and want.

It became a bit more of want when I realized he had hear me compliment Dabi’s sexy scars and didn’t get flustered later when I threw a compliment his way. And I had to fix that. So the logic thing to do seemed like catching him alone and getting what I wanted, so naturally I sent everyone away from the bar in a very discreet way. And Tomura quickly caught up to us being alone and tried to escape.

“Where you going to so fast? I was hoping you’d join me.” he turned around as of he was thinking about it. “That hand on your face won’t allow me to read your expressions, so use words honey.”

“Why should I join you?” he asks, walking to the bar despite his words.

“The fact that you are intrigued by what may happen if you do.” I pour myself a drink without looking at him, bringing it to my lips as sensually as I could without looking stupid. A silence set between us.

He sat down, and I served him something too. Circling around the bar to sit next to him, I extended his drink and when I finally looked at him I was surprised to find that the hand was off. He evaded my eyes and grabbed his drink, only to stir it around. And I drank from mine.

“Hand off the face doesn’t happen often does it?” I ask, hoping it won’t drive him away. But he tells me no with his head, and I’m tempted to ruffle his hair but I hold myself back. “I’d like to hear the story behind the hands sometime.”

“Lies” he says with a chuckle and throws his head back as he downs the drink in one move.

“I meann, I would love to see if the carpets match the…” I stop when Tomura basically jumps from his bar stool and smashes his lips against mine.

At first it seems rough, but I slowly guide him into a softer rhythm. Putting my hand on his shoulder and setting my drink aside. He sets himself between my legs amd grabs the back of my knees to lift up to his waist. A small moan escapes the back of my troath when I find that he is basically on top of me and he leans me back against the bar shelf.

I grab onto the back of his neck and lift my waist to his. The kiss gets more intense and he slides a hand inside my pants, running a finger up and down my heat. I break the kiss only to whimper and he bites my chin.

“You’re a bad liar.”

“Then teach me how to lie baby.” he snorts and kisses me again.

“Cheesy.” I chuckled and throw my head back.

“Fuck you” And to this he finally slides a finger inside, quickly adding another and getting a moan out of me.

“We will get there in a minute.”

With his other hand he starts undoing my pants and I help him out. And when I am only in panties and starting to sweat I pull away and sit on top of the bar shelf, and unspoken dare. And his eyes sparkles back at mine, a smile creeps up at him as he commands me to lay down. I obey him.

In a swift movement he is on top of me a devouring my lips, lifting my shirt only enough to sneak a hand to my breasts. I grind unto him through our underwear and he sighs. I bite his lower lip and pull on his hair a bit. Having a small growl come from his throat when I go a little to hard.

“I KNEW IT! That’s 100 bucks you owe me!! My eyes open wide at the voice and we both sit up, looking at the door.

“Cmonnnn on the bar!? we’re not touching that again” Twice looks away while Toga nudges him “Oh man I wished I’d done it in the bar.” that’s Twice for ya.

“If you knew it then why come back?” I ask, opening my legs more just to mess around with them but Tomura smacks my thigh closed and I look at him.

“I want you on my bedroom, right now” the command is so harsh leaving his lips I don’t hesitate to jump down and make my way up to it, taking one last look at Toga and Twice, realizing they’d tell everybody. And realizing I didn’t give a shit. I felt what was under those boxers, it was enough to keep me happy for weeks and then some.

“Don’t you keep me waiting Shigaraki” He lays his eyes on me and they go down to my ass as I go up the stairs, and his erection is present again.

“That’s luck right there man.”

“Keep your eyes away or I will rip them out.

I giggle at the top of the stairs and then I feel Tomura climbing up behind me.

I was most definetly getting what I wanted.

[janiedean]

Man, you have no idea how much I hate you. I hate you so much that I’m going to force you to choose between THREE songs to analyze. “Shut out the Light”, “Gypsy Biker” and “The Promise”. I’d wish you best of luck, but I so highly dislike you, that I wouldn’t DARE to offer you such a kindness. (Also, I'm just not sure if you've analyzed any of those yet so I'm covering my bases.)

HELLO ANON THIS IS AN OLD ASK BUT SPRINGSTEEN DAY IS COMING and therefore I’m going with my favorite out of the two I had left (I’ll do the other one asap tho!

*DRUM ROLL*

So: The Promise is one of those mythical songs from Bruce’s vault, in the sense that it’s from the late seventies and everyone knew it existed to the point that it was supposed to be the title-song instead of Darkness on that record but instead he never properly published it because it was too personal and he could never find the right version, which is why there’s like fifteen different takes of it in between the one on tracks, the one on the promise boxset with all the darkness outtakes, the ten live versions and so on - basically he was reworking it for literal years. So I’m just going with my favorite version - I mean I love them all but this one to me is.. just… IT SPEAKS TO ME MORE THAN THE OTHERS? idk but I love this one above all others ;_; (I think I like that it starts slow and goes into full band while the others tend to go either all band all piano idk)

Now, context: in order to get what’s behind this, you need to know that post-Born to Run he ended up in a trial with his former manager of his first two records out of contractual reasons (tldr: the contract he signed at the beginning was shitty and the manager didn’t want to settle for new conditions he found more favorable/fair) that lasted two years and during which he couldn’t publish anything because in the contractual drama there were also song rights involved. So: it was not the best time of his life and he felt it as a betrayal of sorts since he was actually close to the guy and considered him a friend.

With that said, let’s go at it:

Johnny works in a factory and Billy works downtownTerry works in a rock and roll band looking for that million-dollar soundMe sometimes I don’t do nothing, some spend a lot of time aloneSome nights I go to the drive-in and some nights I stay home

Now: the two people in the first line are probably imaginary and they’re there to establish a situation, in the sense that factory and downtown are two types of job that he could have had and his friends could have had, while the third one is relevant to our discussion because he works in a rnr band looking for that million-dollar sound, which is what *he* was doing up until he actually published Born to Run and hit it.

And then, he doesn’t do nothing, spends time alone etc., which is (according to his autobiography too) what he was doing when he couldn’t write or record music thanks to the trial and when he was starting to hit a fairly bad phase in his life. So: he’s basically staying on his own with his thoughts. Not good.

Now: he goes to the drive-in.

I followed that dream just like those guys do way up on the screenRode down the Challenger down Route 9 trough the dead ends and all the bad sceneWhen the promise was broken, I cashed in a few of my own dreams

Key elements we have here: dreams and cars.

Now: follow that dream is the title of another seminal mythical Springsteen bootleg which also sums up a lot of his philosophy, and it’s in a few other songs of his, but in this case: he followed that dream the way people did in the movies, meaning, making music, but that can also apply to anyone trying to make their way through life following some dream they have.

Now: the Challenger is a car which is one of his most basic metaphors, and in this case he rides it ‘through dead ends and bad scenes’, but it’s kind of obvious that it’s about his music, not a car, which he brought through dead ends and bad scenes meaning all the false starts he had until he could actually publish his records.

And then the promise was broken and he cashed in a few of his dreams, meaning that when the legal drama started, he saw it as a broken promise which eventually ended up having to sell his music ie his dreams, which was not what he was hoping for when he went into the business. Actually:

Well now I built that Challenger by myself, but I needed money and so I sold itAnd I lived a secret I should’ve kept to myself, but I got drunk one night and I told itAll my life I fought the fight, the one that no man can ever winEvery day it just gets harder to live the dream I’m believing inThunder Road, here one ride in the morning till it turns lightThunder Road, there’s something dying out on the highway tonight

‘I built that Challenger by myself’ = I wrote that music by myself obviously, and ‘I needed money and so I sold it’ = ‘I signed a bad contract also to survive and bring it to the people’, but that goes into the main narrative of the *fictional character* he’s singing about who has built that car and then sold it. But what’s the real deal in this is the middle section ie I fought the fight no man can ever win + it gets harder to live the dream I’m believing in, as in, we’re back to the main themes of the album consisting in how following your dream doesn’t necessarily means getting what you want nor the end of your problems/fights (the fight that no man can ever win) and living in it can turn into a nightmare (because it gets harder).

Now: the Thunder road part in the refrain has another double meaning because it’s, again, both the title of one of his most iconic songs and the title of a noir movie (remember: he goes to the drive in and wants to live his dreams like people on a screen from before), and we have a) one ride in the morning until the light comes (hopeful imagery), b) something dying on the highway tonight (negative imagery), so that dream he achieved - or anyone else - can either end up hopeful or wrong and it can even be both at the same time, or maybe you can hope it goes well while in truth it’s wrong. Who knows. IT’S UP TO THE INTERPRETER.

Well now I won big once and I hit the coast, oh but somehow I paid that big costI feel like I was carrying the broken spirits of all the other ones who lostWhen the promise is broken you can go on living, but, man, it steals something from down in your soulLike when the truth is spoken, but it don’t make no difference, something in your heart grows coldWell I followed that dream in the southwestern flats to the dead ends and a two-bit barsWhen the promise was broken I was far away from home sleeping in the backseat of a borrowed car

And now we’re at the big guns.

‘I won big once and I hit the coast’: general enough that you can see yourself in it if it happened to you, but if you know the backstory you know it’s about him finally getting to publish his music and somehow paying that big cost anyway (count that in between that, the previous contractual conditions and having to pay off contracts and so on he was half-broke at least until the River tour);

‘the broken spirits of all the other ones who lost’: he feels like even if he won or partially won, he’s still feeling a kinship with anyone else who went through the same situation;

‘you go on living but it steals something down in your soul’: whenever someone breaks your trust in such a bad way when you were intimate friends or partners or whatever even if you go on it breaks something in you that might never change back and it’s actually… a very… universal thing I mean it’s true that if you get betrayed by someone you’re close to it’s usually a bad blow, which goes hand in hand with the ‘something in your heart goes cold’ the moment someone tells you the truth and for you it changes nothing when it should;

the final line is more his fictional character than him, but it lines up with the rest because we have again following a dream through dead ends and he sleeps in the seat of a borrowed car, because he sold the one he made with his own hands and so the breaking of that promise goes with having to sleep somewhere that’s not his and that he can’t relate to and that he feels like has been stolen from him - and he’s also far away from home ie in the place he should feel safest/more at ease.

And:

Thunder Road, here’s one for the lost lovers and all the fixed gamesThunder Road, here’s one for the tires rushing by in the rainThunder Road, remember me and Terry what we’d sayThunder Road, we’re gonna take it all and throw it all away

We’re back at the Thunder Road refrain, where it stands for: a) lost lovers/fixed games ie all the relationships he lost and all the *games* that he hadn’t thought existed before going into the business, b) tires rushing by in the rain ie an image of someone running away in a car under the rain which is not exactly a good omen but still is about getting out of a situation you don’t like, c) something he and the friend in the band used to say, which is d) we’re taking it all and throwing it all away which is the exact same idea as the it’s a town full of losers and we’re pulling out of here to win of Thunder Road’s ending, except that TR’s is optimistic, this one is more ‘we said we would do it and then look at how we ended up’. It’s probably interesting to note that Terry is also the name of the friend in Backstreets with whom the protagonist has a falling out thanks to a supposed betrayal:

Blame it on the lies that killed us Blame it on the truth that ran us down You can blame it all on me Terry It don’t matter to me now When the breakdown hit at midnight There was nothing left to say But I hated him And I hated you when you went away Laying here in the dark You’re like an angel on my chest Just another tramp of hearts Crying tears of faithlessness Remember all the movies, Terry We’d go see Trying to learn to walk like the heroes We thought we had to be Well after all this time To find we’re just like all the rest Stranded in the park And forced to confess To hiding on the backstreets

I mean, coincidences? We just don’t know, but I DON’T THINK IT’S 100% A COINCIDENCE that the name is similar and that this is the guy who gets mentioned again at least here rather than the other two. Anyway that’s me doing speculation lmao.

Anyway: this song had endless versions and it only ever was published two decades after the fact because it was Too Personal and he couldn’t find the proper, but even if it’s really personal it still manages to be relatable thanks to those key passages in stanzas 2 and 3 (the fight that no man can ever win/when the promise is broken it steals something from down in your soul) and while I don’t know if it’s The Best Springsteen song as a lot of people rightfully think (BECAUSE IT’S A FUCKING GREAT SONG) it’s definitely one of the most intimate, raw and beautiful Springsteen songs exactly for how his experiences are made relatable to everyone else in a way that’s imo heartwrenching and bye I love this and I love all of the other versions and BRUCE IS GREAT OKAY? okay. ;__;