#me: reminding myself and being sad that i didn't understand this earlier

[julianalvarez9]

what could have been / mason mount

summary: nothing good comes from friends with feelings for each other that never got the chance to confess, and it's worse when one's forced to leave. knowing this could be mason's farewell to his forever club is hard, but maybe, hopefully, he doesn't have to say goodbye to you.

author's note: was sad about him leaving, then reminded myself it's not that deep, so i turned this funny at the end. angst, to fluff, to funny, one might say? not proofread like, at all. anyways, seems like i'll continue to love him unfortunately for y'all 😮‍💨

wc: 838 words

"you're leaving?".

you don't expect the words to sound so rough, even if your tone is anything but a whisper. still, mason freezes in front of his locker, where he was taking the last of his stuff, and also, a last look at the place he used to call home all these years. since being a kid, really. he thought that, just maybe, he could avoid this. he could avoid seeing your sad eyes, and he could avoid saying goodbye, because he was never good at it.

it always wrecked him a bit seeing a teammate go. every single one that left, took a bit of him, and also, a bit of chelsea. so much, that he feels he doesn't recognize the club he grew up to love anymore. so much that he doesn't see his future here any longer, although it hurts him.

"i'm sorry," he begins to say, but shuts him mouth quickly when he realizes the knot on his throat is too big to swallow. he wants to say that he would have wanted you to find out in other ways, maybe by him instead, but he knows it's a lie. mason could never have enough strength to look you in the eyes and tell you that it's over.

it hasn't even begun, he thinks, and he curses himself for losing so much time. you two had been gravitating towards each other so much these past few years, getting even closer after the shit year he had, but that was it. you two were closer.

he wishes he had said something earlier. to see if this, whatever this was, could go further. he already knew, back in january, the possibility of him leaving when summer comes. he wonders, if something had happened between you two, if you would have followed him. mason knows it's selfish to think about it, to even daydream about you leaving everything behind like he deserved the effort. like he deserved you, in the first place. but maybe that's why he hadn't said anything during these six months. because he knew he didn't deserve someone as caring, as beautiful, as loving, as you.

"just a bit over three hours in train, right?". mason tilts his head to the side, like he doesn't understand why you're asking him about the distance between manchester, his new home, and london, but he nods, anyway. the smile painted on your lips, although it's small, it's sincere. "well, if you ever need... a friend from home, i'll be there".

mason knows he should fight the urge to get closer to you than he needs to be. more than ever now, when he finds himself cutting all ties that used to connect him to this club, but still, he finds out that he couldn't, possibly, cut you out. that's why he's striding towards you, big and fast steps that take him to you in a second. he's engulfing you in a totally unexpected hug -to you, but still, you couldn't possibly say no to him, and feeling comforted in his arms, even if your heart is breaking.

"but, don't ask me to wear your shirt," you deadpan when he backs away, although still close enough to you to have his hand caressing your cheek softly, "you know i hate united" and he laughs. even if it lasts a second, the sound of it is enough to turn your cheeks flaming hot. a wicked idea crosses your mind, and you can't fight the need to make a final quip. "although, there's this player that i really fancy there..." his eyes grow wide, and you rush the punch of the joke before he can say anything, "number 6, licha, martinez!" you say excitedly, and he huffs a laugh, suddenly remembering the unfortunate encounter in the last man utd - chelsea match. 

"you're mean" mason says, rolling his eyes, and you laugh. it's impossible for him to keep a straight face after that, but he tries, looking intently into your eyes, with his forehead against yours. your words get scrambled into your brain, and you rush out to say anything that it isn't the three little words dancing in your tongue. "you have to befriend him. he's argentinian, after all. just say you want a mate".

"nah" he scrunches his nose, like the idea doesn't look as appealing as you thought, "i like the ones you make, might not like his". you know he's not being serious, because everybody knows that argentinian footballers have a master degree in the making of the famous cultural drink, but you let him get away with it, because this might be the last day you see him in a while.

"gonna make me move to fucking manchester to make you mate, i see how it is." it's mean to come as a joke, but mason's eyes light up, and he finds himself saying something he knows he shouldn't, although he can't really hide it. "it wouldn't be such a bad idea, no?".

"maybe not".

[wamtorical]

Credits to @antiquatedplumbobs for the Antiquated Brindleton Bay save file! It's beautiful - all npc characters (Neighbours etc.) belong to her (Except one infant I added). On another note, my characters are based in England and having researched I realised non wooden paneling didn't and still rarely exists here so we'll consider that the only semi-unrealistic aspect since I really didn't want to remove it.

April 1890

Dearest Charlotte,

I trust this letter finds you in good health and spirits. Elmer and I are doing splendidly, and we hope the same for you. Is the house quieter without me? Do tell us any news.

With the generous sum we've loaned, we have been able to purchase not only the farm but also some farm animals. You must come see. They were all rather expensive but still worth every penny. Our cow we've named Bluebell, and our chickens - well, I simply can't keep track! Two of them are so alike, but our distinct and boisterous rooster has been named Willy by Elmer. It is such a relief to have a steady supply of milk and eggs. No longer do we need to worry about procuring them - do come over so I can lend you a batch.

The pace of life is delightfully slow, and I must say, I find it quite refreshing. I wake early to prepare breakfast and Elmer sets off to work. Meanwhile, I attend to our farm and animals, relishing in the peacefulness of the countryside. Later on I take a little time for myself, of course, before Elmer returns for dinner, after which we retire for the night. It's the married life I've forever longed for. Brindleton Bay is much different to Windenburg, though I'm sure you've formed an established impression on it from the glimpse of it you saw during the wedding. The streets are tranquil and overrun with more cats and dogs than people, mostly sad-looking strays putting on a face for scraps. The fresh, salty air from the sea is invigorating, I tell you - it is the nicest air I've ever had the luxury of breathing! We have settled into our new home with ease and pleasure.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Elmer is training as a nurse at our local hospital. It came as quite a surprise to me, after all I've only ever seen female nurses. He says that the training is not as rigorous as that of his female colleagues. Nevertheless, I trust that he knows what he is doing. The money is slowly but surely coming in and the loan should be paid off soon enough.

In the greener areas I spotted many quaint looking cabins fit for individuals seeking a quiet, solitary life - remind you of someone? Specifically, there's an abandoned one in the very heart of the forest that I believe you would adore. I wish for you to come and see it soon, it's in a great need of renovation and I know you like a good challenge. I miss you so, Char, it's odd being here without you. You're like my other half. Should you could move there, we could see eachother much more frequently.

You'll be pleased to hear our neighbours are quite friendly as well. I've yet to meet them, but I've heard nothing but good from Elmer. They reside across the street from us and possess a farm that is quite grand in size, fitting for a family of their stature. Their brood is extremely sizable, with several children ranging in ages from infancy to adulthood. You wouldn't believe! It's bizarre. As for myself, starting a family has not crossed my mind. If I were to have children, I fear I would spoil them endlessly. However, Charlotte, you and I know the dangers that it risks. I simply cannot bring myself to face those dangers and Elmer thankfully understands.

I await your letter with bated breath. Continue praying for me as I pray for you. And Charlotte, please venture out and befriend some of the locals, I'd hate for you to be lonely - or perhaps, as I mentioned earlier, you could move here! it would be a considerable amount of work but you wouldn't need to go through the hassle of taking out a loan. Kindly convey my love and regards to our dear friends back home.

Claudia,

📜 next / previous / first

[gigglestheautistichyena]

THIS INTERACTION NEEDS TO HAPPEN! POOR SIMON!

Simon needs a hug! And I'm glad I finally got to hug him and tell him what he needs to hear! I also got to help him and the little girl from earlier make up. She needed to understand his perspective.

Here's the transcript if you can't read the text:

Me: "You aren't a burden at all. Besides, someone needs to remind you if what a good guy you are." I grinned."And I wanna do that."

Simon: "I...I guess I'd like that. I mean, I wouldn't mind trying to be a good guy again... I guess. He sighs."I guess I needed someone to tell me things like that."

Me: "You were never bad to begin with, haha. Like I said, that one incident with that kid can easily be fixed if you two just talk it out, though I can help with that. I'll explain what went on."

Simon: "That would actually be really helpful. I've been so stuck in my own head lately, and it feels like everyone hates me, or at least thinks I'm not good. It'd be nice to finally have someone stand up for me, someone who sees me for who I am and is willing to back me up."

Me: "Yeah." I heard a knock on the door and the voice of a child asking about her book. "That must be her. I'll just tell her I'm a friend of yours if that's ok."

Simon: "That's definitely okay. I don't even know how many people know about me being up here, honestly. But I appreciate your kindness."

I nodded with a smile and opened the door.

Astrid: "Hello?" A girl's voice calls out. "Is anyone in here?" I just want my book back, please!!"

Me: "Yeah. Uh, kid, what are you doing out here alone? Do your parents know you're here?" I asked.

Astrid: "My parents let me come! I just wanted to see the exhibit by myself, that's all!" She responds "I just want my book back!"

Me: "Okay." I stepped aside and let her get the book put of the trash. "Hey, I wanna ask you something before you go."

Astrid: She looks up at HuBurey, her blue eyes full of curiosity. ""What is it?" she asks,.

Me: "Did you say that man used to be Ice King?

Astrid: "Yeah, he's the Ice King," the girl responded with a nod. "He's weird, though, he doesn't act the same. He's boring."

Me: "That isn't very nice. I actually think he's pretty cool once you get to know him."

Astrid: "Hm? Did you know him before he was just the boring old man'?" She asks, sounding skeptical.

Me: "I knew him before he was Ice King, and this is how he was before that. He was happy and had a fiance. He isn't boring at all. Plus, being Ice King isn't fun at all. It was a curse from a crown that turned him into the wizard that wrote your book, and while it may have seemed fun or cool to have ice powers, it came at a cost. Magic always comes with a price, and his was not being in control of his own actions. Ice King was insane, lonely, and unhappy. He didn't even know why, either. It's just not right to say someone is better off being cursed and insane. He wasn't himself. His fiance freed him from the curse but ultimately sacrificed herself, because she loves Simon as he is, not Ice King, not a wizard, but a human And right now, Simon is himself again. He may seem boring to you, but I promise you that he's not. He's just sad, because he misses the love of his life and he doesn't fit into this new world. I mean, you would be sad, too, if you were a prince who lost his princess. He really needs a friend, and calling him boring really hurt his feelings. I mean, why not try to get to know him?"

Astrid: "Woah!" The girl looks genuinely shocked at this new information. It's like everything she befieved about his past had been flipped upside down. "....I guess I just assumed that being Ice King made him cool. But hearing you explain things like that.. yeah. He is a lot different, and it does hurt a little to see him like this. I don't know. Maybe I could be a friend, if he doesn't mind?" 

Me: "Yeah. He could use a friend, and besides, you could have a lot of fun with him. If you ever heard of Marceline, a popular rockstar and a vampire queen, you would love to know that he raised her, and she found him pretty fun. He was more of a dad to her than her own father. He also has friends in Ooo, too. We love Simon That's his name, by the way. He doesn't like to be called Ice King. Just Simon will do. I'm sure he didn't mean to throw your book away earlier. He was having a panic attack, because his time being cursed really traumatized him. Do you know what ptsd is?"

Astrid: "I-Yeah.I've heard of it. It's when someone has experienced something really traumatic. It can cause someone to constantly think about that experience. It really affects their daily life. Is that what Ice King has? Because it makes a lot of sense.."

Me: "Yes, and he suffers from that. Like imagine having your body change over time while slowly losing your mind and forgetting who you are only to wake up a thousand years later. I don't think anyone would be the same after that. No one deserves to go through that."

Astrid: "No, they don't. Man, I feel bad for judging him like that. I can see why he was feeling terrible about himself. That sounds like it'd be terrifying. I hope he's not mad at me.."

Me: "No, he isn't mad at you. In fact, he feels bad about making you cry earlier. He was just having a ptsd moment when he saw that Fionna and Cake story. He doesn't want to be associated with Ice King or anything that has to do with it. He can't even be around ice because it makes him relive the moment he lost his mind and body to that crown. You know. Simon is a really great guy. That's why his fiance jumped into the future and became GOLB to save him. He just needs someone to remind him that he's good and deserving of love,

Astrid: "Dang..I didn't think about that. So like.. if Ice King hurt someone, would it be possible that Simon still feels bad about it?"

Me: "Yes, and I do remind him that he wasn't in control at the time, but he just has such a big heart that he can't stop feeling bad about it. But that's what makes him a good person. He deserves a big hug."

Astrid: "Okay!" The girl nods, and walks up to Simon who's sitting down in the corner. She wraps her arms around his back and gives him a tight hug, causing Simon to look stunned for a moment, but slowly retuming her hug back.

I couldn't hep but smile at this touching moment.

Astrid: "H-How long has it been since you've had a hug from someone?" The girl asks him gently, still hugging him tightly. And he looks so down.

Simon: Simon sighs, hanging his head. "...I guess a really, really long time. I don't think anyone's done that in years..or may be decades. It's really nice.." He chuckles, "Sorry if I got a little emotional, I really didn't expect a hug...especially from you."

I joined the hug.

And for a moment, the three shared a hug together. The girl, seemingly now willing to give the ice wizard another chance. And Simon, relieved that someone was finally showing compassion for him after so long.

[elizabethplaid]

daily notes - may 1, 2024

New microwave sounds less powerful than the previous. It doesn't cook as thoroughly, either. Dad cited some wattage number, intending to mean it's at least on-par with our last one. Uh, don't think so. I already added time to my thing, and it was still cold in the middle.

It's not like anything will be done about this. If anything gets changed, it might be some sticker applied to the display; it's too damn bright. And even that probably won't happen.

A webcomic I've been reading got me thinking sad stuff. The characters were at a columbarium, a place to store and display urns with cremains. (They're common in Korean media, instead of graveyards.) One said to the other, regarding why people visit the dead, "They are saying the things that they couldn't say to them while they were still alive."

I got to thinking, "Why do we not say these things while the person is alive, in our presence?" In my mom's case, she wouldn't listen. For many people, it's to avoid fights - keep the peace, however momentary. When they're "gone", they can no longer attack us, hurt us, with new pain. And, partly due to the comic, I thought of my old bully.

So many of the scenarios I imagined were just me speaking my peace. (Or is it "piece"? I can never remember, those darn homophones.) [edit: It's "piece", according to this page, versus "to hold your peace".] When I felt "ready" to hear his side of things, I became conscious of a gap in my heart. It's the realization that I would never get that closure without re-exposing myself to risk, eg speaking with him again.

To contrast, my imagined scenarios with my mom give enough suspension of disbelief to think that she could change. I imagine her actually listening and understanding, because she is free of the psychological burdens that held her back in life.

I can't remember exactly where I was going with this. But when I thought of it earlier, I felt tears beneath the surface, as I thought about talking to my bully. I became my current-self partly because I've been in pain -a variety of pain- for many years. I was in pain before we fought, but he certainly didn't help the situation.

And that's what I keep reminding myself: a lot of my mental state is because I'm in emotional pain and cannot cope with it like a neurotypical person. The depression was the easiest to recognize, then the anxiety, after I developed physical versions of the anxiety attacks. ADHD got tested because it was trendy at the time, but it also happened to apply.

Years later, autism-spectrum was suggested, and it made everything else sorta fall into place. And even before depression showed up for other reasons, I went through traumatic events in my youth. So there's always been -something- going on, especially when I wasn't aware of it.

It takes a lot of effort and pep talk to forgive myself for feeling/being "broken". I negotiate things with myself, trying to strategize what I can accomplish versus what is too much stress.

A recent example is that drawstring pouch I wanted to make for a friend's birthday. I don't to stress myself out with a deadline, knowing I haven't started stitching yet. (Prepped fabric a bit, but not on the frame yet.) So I will send something I've already made and a small store-bought trinket or card. I think they'll still be accepted, as it's the thought that counts. =========

Idk where I'm going with this. I just feel a little heavy, emotionally, tonight. That line of thinking brought me down, and I don't have the words to express everything. I also lack the attention-span to pin it down, to -want- to pin it down.

[fairycosmos]

Can you and your followers let me know if I'm be dramatic by being upset about this? Sorry for how long this is and for it being worded like a reddit AITA post.

A very close friend (as in I've known her for 5 years, we lived together during uni, etc etc) and I made plans back in like January to see a musical in August and we already bought tickets (which are expensive) and I've been openly very excited about it because it's a musical I've wanted to see for a while. Then, in May, she met this guy (now her boyfriend) and after a few weeks of knowing/casually hanging out with him, he asked her to go with him on a trip the same weekend we were planning to see the musical. And she agreed. Now, despite the fact that I've easily been her closest friend throughout uni (and I literally would always cook for her and clean after her without reciprocation) she has deliberately avoided telling me about any details regarding her relationship and also didn't tell me about the fact that she's bailing on our plans. She told another Mutual Friend and told her to not tell me because she wanted to break the news herself. But that Mutual Friend did end up telling me because one day I was ranting about how she's been keeping me out of the loop of her new relationship and barely speaking to me. So I knew for a month now that she's bailing on these plans and was just waiting for her to openly tell me. Then yesterday she accidentally revealed it without realizing in a group chat, and when I asked her privately she didn't even say sorry she just said that she completely forgot and got the dates mixed up. Which I know isn't true.

On top of that, two weeks ago was my birthday, and around like 7pm, I told Mutual Friend that this friend hadn't wished me yet. And she got really upset about it but I didn't want to make it into a big deal. And then that friend ended up wishing me at 11:30pm and said she was at training all day at work, which I knew was bs because who trains for 12 straight hours and because I literally saw on Twitter that she had tweeted multiple times earlier that day so she had access to her phone. But I let it slide. And yesterday, Mutual Friend revealed to me that she actually had to remind this friend that it was my birthday because she was afraid the day would pass by without her wishing me and didn't want my feelings getting hurt. Am I crazy for letting all this upset me? I'm happy that she's found a boyfriend but she's literally been icing me out since then. It's normally very difficult for me to get my feelings hurt and I feel so dramatic being this upset about a birthday wish and a cancelled plan but idk. I want to confront her about it but I've been told that I should just keep my distance for a while.

hey i don't think you're an asshole for this - something that did cross my mind is that maybe ur friend is in a sort of controlling or unhealthy relationship with this person? just based on how shes been isolated from you, someone who is rly close to her, and how distant she's been since getting with the guy. ofc that's a very worrying and nuanced situation to have to confront and that's a big assumption on my part -it truly may not be the case, and even if it is, obviously as an outsider looking in obviously there's only so much you can do to try to get through to her. butttt if right now it just seems like she's gotten into a new relationship and put your friendship with her entirely on the backburner with no explanation, then i think your feelings of anger and hurt are entirely understandable. i've honestly been there myself so many times like when girlfriends get boyfriends and suddenly you're basically invisible to them. it's sooo discouraging and hurtful and you feel like a freak for being sad about it but still you're sad about it. and while obviously people's priorities change when they get into a relationship, it's not ok to neglect all of your friendships just bc you're seeing someone, you know? i completely see why you're upset and i don't think you need to feel like you've done something wrong for simply questioning her recent behaviour. especially when it comes to that expensive gig!!! she should've had the respect to come to you herself about that if she was cancelling, point blank. i would be pretty pissed myself in ur shoes. it's obviously entirely up to you where you go from here, and i guess i can't answer that part for you as i don't know the ins and outs of your circumstances + dynamic with her -- but whatever you need to do to ensure you have your own best interests at heart here is alright. whether it's taking time or talking to her or a mixture of both. and btw this is just my singular perspective ofc so maybe im wrong or missing something. sending so um grain of salt and all that, but yeah that's how i see it. sending a huge hug your way. x

[somedaytakethetime]

Don't you even dare to ask me what this is because I don't know myself. I'm a harlot, I'm plagued, I'm the devil, I don't know. That's the answer. I find information online and I.JUST.CAN'T.LET.IT.GO. SCREAM INTO THE VOID WITH ME OKAY?? P.S. DON'T READ THIS

Notes: the most cursed, demonic, absolutely horribly filthy thing I'll ever sear anyone's eyes with? Possibly? This isn't as daring as I can get, ask my best friend if you don't believe me, but this is the most daring I'll ever be on here Warnings: do I need to? Read every other clue, babes, just.. pure filth... you know where the exit door is if you're a child. Also there's body insecurity in this. From a male perspective. Which gets written about very little, in my opinion, but it's prevalent and well... we're here to change the insecure kings opinions of themselves 😤 Word count: 4 154 words

It's a gradual thing. Something you don't realise at first. It happens slowly and covertly, so you don't really understand that it's happening. But at some point you start to piece it together. He watches himself in the mirror a lot, after showers and when he's getting dressed early in the morning. He avoids looking at himself late at night, especially after heavy and harsh days at work. He avoids looking at his body, unless he's scrutinising himself. Like... after.. Every. Single. Shower. You don't understand that's what he's doing at first, because he's so serious and focused as he looks at himself in the mirror from all angles. You assume he must be checking for bruises, cuts, scrapes, etc. That he must be assessing the damage that a harshly physical job brings. You'd want to take in all the damage too because it's painful to sit on a bruise you didn't know was there until you squashed it.. it's happened to him a lot more than he'll ever admit. But.. you catch him squeezing his stomach once. He did it so fast you barely understood that's what he did. Until it hit you that he just did something you're always doing too, when you look in the mirror, and feel insecure about yourself. He becomes closed off after that. Doesn't touch you as much, doesn't let you touch him much either. His clothes have always been looser, he likes being comfortable, but somehow they become even looser. He avoids anything that flatters him, dresses in baggy, completely dark clothes. Like he's trying to become a walking void. He starts stressing about aging too. Looks in the mirror and prodes at his face, looking for wrinkles and white hairs. None that exist at all. But he seems to think they do.. and then he starts making comments..

Seems obsessed with your age too, the difference between you both. Who's younger, who's older, how many years, months, days, there are between you. What he was up to in x year vs where you were. What he was doing, what he already knew how to do, what little amount of experience and life you might have lived in year y when he was already on an inevitable path to becoming who he is today. Becomes obsessed with time, stresses about the future. Stresses about the past, feels sadly nostalgic, reminisces and wishes he could have been there earlier, wishes to change who he is to match up with you better. Wishes things were different and there was more time. Acts as if the end of the world is looming near and there's only 5 more minutes on earth left to spend together. Looks sad and forlorn. And the most frustrating and infuriating thing is that he doesn't let you in. Shuts you down when you remind him that reality isn't what he's imagining in his head lately. Dismisses you when you challenge his view and explain that things are fine and there's so many more years in a lifetime to be lived, there's time for everything and more. Pushes you away when you try to touch him at times even.. makes you feel cold inside. Confused and scared that things might be falling apart and you can't fix it because he won't let you in. It starts to enrage you. Because he keeps pushing his own perceived notions of everything onto you, assumes the "reality" he's seeing as something that you are seeing when you couldn't see it further from that if you tried. It all comes to blows late one night after a disastrous dinner.

You put on your nicest dress. You wanted to look nice for him, wanted him to see you again because he wasn't looked at you in a while now. You miss him so badly. Miss his touch, miss his kisses, miss.. well.. you miss feeling his body on yours in ways that the bible possibly wouldn't approve of.. it's been what? a month? possibly a month now. He complains he's stressed, that there's too much on his plate, that he's too distracted by work but he forgets that.. usually.. it was most prevalent when he was stressed.. because, in his own words, 'you relaxe me like nothing else, baby'. Cheesy and he's the first to admit it, but there's something deep and almost fragilely emotional behind the jokes. Like every time he teases and says cheesy lines he means them deeply, he's just afraid to show exactly how deeply that is. Even in the longing looks he gives you, which have become more frequent lately, it's as if he's deeply afraid to lose you but only biding his time until you'll inevitably walk away. As if he doesn't believe he's good enough for you.. and he makes it evident all through dinner. Comments on how the waiter keeps checking you out, something which would normally bring out his jealous side and he'd feel the need to assert his dominance to every man in a 10km radius. Not tonight. He comments on how young the waiter is, how he seems to be in great shape, and dares to look at you and say "Maybe you should ditch the old man and go for a young one.. it might suit you better." winks and tries to act like it's playful but.. you've had enough. You push away from the table "That's it. I want to go home. I've lost my appetite." and you just walk out to go wait by his car. He's fuming by the time he gets to you but says nothing. Drives in absolute silence too and you're so hurt and angry you can't find it in yourself to say a word. When you arrive, you rush into the house, leaving him behind to park in the garage, but he's somehow not far behind you by the time you're tossing your shoes aside. "Did you think that was funny? Did you enjoy ruining our dinner?" he has the utter gall to say... and you lose your temper finally.

"Excuse me?? I did what now?" and he marches towards you, presses his body to yours, you almost feel angry when you think this is the closest he's gotten to you in 3 weeks, he looms over you and reminds you exactly of how big his body is, says irritated "You stormed out over a stupid joke and you ruined the nice dinner we'd been having. By now you should know that I joke around a lot, I don't get why you acted this way tonight. You can be such a child sometimes." you're not in your right mind but you're so angry that you push him. Harshly. He stumbles back a little, wasn't expecting that from you, looks at you hurt and offended. But you just scoff and march towards him now "No, I did not. You ruined our fucking dinner by being a Debbie Downer. Same way you've been every single fucking day lately. Mentioned some other man whom I wouldn't even look once at proper, let alone twice, daring to suggest that I should make a switch. How are you this fucking dense?" you're toe to toe, looking into each other's eyes, angry at each other. There's a crackling of electricity in the air around you, you're both on the verge of losing your tempers entirely. "Maybe you need a younger man, he'd probably have more patience to put up with your childish behaviour. I'm old and tired." you've never wanted to slap him before, but he's making it really hard on you not to.. "No, you're fucking not! Have you heard yourself lately?! I'm old this, I'm finished that, I'm such and such. What the hell has gotten into you?? All the jokes about me being too young, all the comments about other guys and their bodies, all the shit about how I should probably leave before I have to start caring for the elderly.. what the fuck?? What is your problem?! If you're sick and tired of me just break up, don't bully me into leaving and try to make it seem like it's my fucking choice!" he suddenly gets serious. He feels there's a threat to his relationship, that the real option that you might leave is right there in front of him, that this is the end.. and he doesn't know how to deal with that. He's hurt just thinking about it. So he shuts down as he always does. "If you want to leave you can go right ahead. You know where the doors are and no one has ever locked you in this house against your will. But don't blame it on me, I haven't told you to do shit." and he just walks away.

You stare at the wall in front of you, the empty space he's left behind, for likely 5 or more minutes. It's eerily quiet in the bedroom, even though he's in there, and you're trying to let your anger settle down. He's hurt, he feels threatened, he feels pushed. He only ever reacts with cold detachment when he feels deeply hurt. You're trying so hard not to be hurt but you can't help the tears running down your cheeks. You love this man so much it hurts, physically, like there's aches in your chest when you think about how deeply you love him, how desperately you desire him, how much you want to spend all your minutes with him forever. It hurts deeply that he doesn't seem to accept that, or believe it, lately. Something has changed and he won't let you in on it. It feels cold to be left out, you thought you shared everything as one. It's painful to think you don't. But you don't want this to be the end. You're not ready to let go, you'll never be. You take a deep breath and turn around, walk to the bedroom and find him curled in on himself. Frozen in place and eerily still. 'Deeply hurt.. makes two of us, mate' you think. Clearly, he's not ready to let go either. You lay down behind him, wrap your arms around him as best as you can and you feel his whole body tense up. "I love you. I don't understand why you don't believe me, but I love you so much. I don't know what else to do to show this to you in a way you'll accept it too." He takes several minutes but eventually turns around. His face is red, he's trying not to cry in front of you but his eyes are filled with tears. He pulls you to him, kisses you softly but so deeply, whispers in that rough and affected voice of his that's so unfairly and wrongly sexy for the moment, "I love you so much that I want to die thinking about you leaving me." "Then why are you pushing me away?" he won't meet your eyes, his voice is soft and whispered, dripping with insecurity now, "Because I don't deserve you."

"No. No no no. No." you shake your head, hold his face and keep kissing him, want to pour all the love you feel into him so he'll believe it too. His hands wrap around your body, pull you so tight to him that you can feel every line of muscle in his body, every tendon moving, every ridge and curve of him, "Don't ever say that again, just don't. Don't say that." he shakes his head "It's true. You're just.. you deserve better. I'm washed up, tired, old and just.." he whispers so so quietly you barely hear it. Fat. It takes you so many seconds to realise he said it. He just called himself fat. The scoff you let out fills the air. You're furious now. Who said it? Who insulted him? Who broke his confidence this way?? Who was it?? You'll have their heads on a platter. How dare anyone insult your man? How dare anyone make him feel like his body isn't the picture of perfection? In another century he would have had artists tripping over themselves to sculpt him out of marble, he would have been Adonis.. David.. the ideal male physique. He would have been considered a god. "How dare you? Who said it??" he just looks at you "Who the fuck said you were fat? I'll kick their ass! Who was the fucker that made you feel insecure??", he leans up and moves from you, sits up on the bed, and looks at the floor, "No one had to say anything. I have eyes, you know? I get dressed around men every single day, I've seen more men naked in the last ten years than most people have in a lifetime.. I can see the differences between us." you scramble up to sit next to him, angry and shocked that he's thinking these things about himself, "How the fu-.. no! Absolutely not! What the hell?? No! You are not less than any other guy. In fact! You're hotter than all of them combined! There is not a single guy out there that can compete with you and win. You're just..." you gesture wildly, can't even pin down exactly what he stands for and how insanely attractive he is, "You're everything! You're all of it! You're smart, you're cultured, you have unbelievably quick reflexes, you have a body that would make Gods jealous, you're so fucking fine.., you also have the stamina of a fighting bull and.." you trail off, get distracted by all the flashes of heated memories flooding your mind, all the times he's had you whining, writhing, moaning, biting and clawing at him.. all the times he's had you in tears from how good he is.. all the times he's left you wobbly legged and sore, faint even hours after he was done, dreaming about it and wanting more.. your voice is clearly affected when you speak again "You're so good, baby, no one can match you. Ever. You're the whole package. You're so sweet and caring too, and loving, and supportive. You make me feel so safe, so loved, so confident.." you feel deeply hurt that he makes you feel beautiful and desirable every time yet he's riddled with insecurity and you can't fix it as easily, you don't have to be subjected to seeing women you know on the covers of 'Hottest Guy Alive' magazines and making it to the tops of 'hottest players' lists.. he has to see that. Polls, online discussions, debates, comments, everything from everywhere. Subjected to scrutiny. Criticism. Comments about their bodies and doubts about their fitness levels depending on their shape. It makes you sick. Makes your blood boil. It happens to women, of course, but men rarely get another man defending them. Especially in this field. You want him to see it, want him to know it. So.. you take the best approach you know how: go for his ego. Turn him on. You get closer to him, say softly, "This is strictly off the record and just between us but...", whisper right in his ear, "You're so fucking hot that I'm always soaked around you..." he straightens up, gives you such a heated look.. you keep whispering, looking him in the eyes, "Especially lately... you haven't touched me in so long.. just the other night... I-.." "You what?" you can feel him radiating heat, radiating need..

"You were sleeping naked.. which you rarely do lately and it's really fucking offensive mind you.. but.. the sheet had moved down because you keep tossing and turning lately.. and you were just there.. totally naked... hard.. and I.. fuck, I wanted it so badly.. I've missed you so much.. that I just touched myself imagining all the times that we've woken each other up to have sex.." he scoots closer to you, his eyes are on fire.. "Did you now?" you nod and bite your lip softly, whisper so so quietly "I was completely drenched.. I've.. really missed you... you have no idea how attractive you are.. and the effect that has on me.." he kisses you so roughly. Pulls you to him tightly, his tongue making it's way to stroke against yours, he pulls back and bites your lip, grins when you whine, kisses you deeper, spit and tongues mixing together as you fall back into a pile on the bed. His hands leave a fire in their wake as he pulls your dress off of you in a hurry, you undress him just as hurriedly, albeit rougher than he was, desperate to get him exactly where you need him. It's a need at this point. The same way you need to breath to survive. You need him to survive too. You go insane without his touch. You've been so irritated and on edge lately... he's been so cranky too... because you're both balls of pent up sexual frustration. "You're not fat, not even a bit. The only thing that's fat about you is your co-" he laughs into the kiss he gives you, a light-hearted laugh, and a giddy feeling spreads through your body. He hasn't been this happy in a long while. You love his laugh, you love everything about him. You cling to him as his body sinks into yours, so deep that sparks burst behind your eyelids. It's been enough time since this happened that it's a stretch.. he's.. not the smallest man around, in fact.. "Fucking hell, you're too much, you know that?" he just laughs, low and rough, mixed with a moan right there in your ear, "You've never complained before.. quite the contrary, baby.." he's right. You love the feeling of him. How big he is, how heavy his body is on top of yours, how warm and sturdy he feels too.. he makes you feel caged, but in the most comforting way possible. He's breathing in your ear as he thrusts slowly, it's been a while for him too, he needs to go slow for the sake of both of you. Needs to let both of your bodies adjust again, sink into this feeling, enjoy how good it feels when you're this close. He's missed you like this, under him and so willing.. he's missed your body as badly as he's missed closeness to you. He's such an idiot for going this long without touching and kissing you..

He sinks even deeper as he drops more of his weight on you, you whine loudly and bite on his shoulder, nails digging into his strong arms. A struggling, disbelieving laugh is exhaled from him, he shivers and moans roughly. He doesn't even want to move, just wants to stay right here, exactly like this, forever. He pauses to enjoy the feeling, the warmth, the slickness, the clenching. How soft your skin is. How pliable and tender you are under him. He feels every bit of him touching every bit of you. Suddenly he becomes hyper aware of that. His naked body is touching yours. His stomach... he's taken the biggest dislike to his stomach now... he doesn't have the tight, washboard abs he sees on most guys. He's meatier, always been. It makes him insecure lately. And he's now hyper aware that that fleshiness is touching your body. He recoils at the thought, his body tenses up and you feel it immediately. He starts to pull away but you lock your legs around his hips, pull him back, say desperately, nearly in tears, "No, no no no. Don't. Please don't, I need it so badly. I've missed you. I want you so much, god, I want you so badly. Don't. No, just don't." he pauses, tries to clench his abs so he can make his softness less evident, so it doesn't touch you that closely, and you know he's doing it. You used to do just that at the start. Tried to make your body look and feel more toned. So that he'd love you and he wouldn't find you unattractive. He made you realise that he thinks you're the hottest thing on two legs no matter how you look. So.. "I love your tummy, stop doing that shit." it startles him, he looks down at you and you're starring right into his eyes. You lock gazes and your voice is dripping with need when you speak "You don't realise how fucking amazing it feels.. you don't get that your body is just.. amazing for sex. I want you to press down on me because it.. I can't explain it but it feels so good. Like you're touching me deeper even without touching me. It feels amazing, it's just.. sex with you feels godly. Relax. I want to feel your body, all of you. Because it feels really fucking good from my end and you're robbing me of a really good orgasm if you hold back.. and that is what I might have to leave you over.." he looks unsure for a long moment. You play with his hair, your other hand runs your nails up and down the middle of his back and you feel him shiver, he moans softly.. his lids slide shut.. and you feel it. He starts to relax, little by little, let's all the restraint go and presses down on you.

You can feel every millimetre of him pressed to you. Locking you down against the mattress, overheating your skin. Making you dizzy, skin on fire as he speeds up, sinks so deep that your eyes can't focus and you have to shut them. There's a pounding in your head, your heart is beating so fast that you can feel the veins pulsating in your temples. Every muscle, every tendon, and every bulging vein in his body is palpable to you. You feel the tensing and the relaxing, the tendons stretching and pulling back, you can feel his blood rushing in his veins, his heart beats in sync with yours pressed tightly to your breast. You're only one body in this moment. You feel the tummy pressing into you, putting pressure on your core, something that feels so good and he tried to pull away from you.. nearly robbed you of one thing that drives you wild. You love the look of him, you love the feel of him even more. It makes you desperate, pant for air, makes you shiver and moan, soft and whiny, into his neck. Makes you rise higher and higher as you tighten more and more around him. He's speaking but you can't focus on what he's saying, so lost in your own need that all his whispered words turn into just the hum of his sexy voice in your ear. You can feel it building up at the base of your spine, can almost touch it right at your fingertips. He moves faster, whispering something that sounds so sexy yet you can't make out exactly what it is, and you just crumble under him. Claw his back, bite his shoulder, muffle your garbled whines and moans and fall apart so hard that you feel you're melting all over. You feel him, right there, right along with you too. It feels heavenly, you've missed him so much. You're giggling and crying afterwards, muffled sounds into his shoulder, tears staining his skin as you shake and cling to him. He pulls back, concerned that you're hurt, you look at him and give him a watery smile. "I love you so much." emotion chokes you and he looks affected too "I love you so deeply, I love you.". Tears are running down your face as giggles burst from you. You pull him down into a kiss, melt into him, sigh so relaxed and just hold him tightly. He rolls sideways and takes you with him, holds you close and plays with your hair, kisses your temple as you trace circles on his chest and rub your face all over him like a cat. "Are you okay?" he asks almost a little concerned and you nod, smile up at him, "I missed you.." you're rewarded with a sweet kiss, a soft smile and a caress to your cheek, "I missed you too. I'm really sorry for being a dickhead. I was a fucking idiot, I'm sorry." you nuzzle him and say "I think I can forgive you..." he raises an eyebrow and gives you that look he always does "If..." you sigh.. smile so sweetly.. devil personified.. "If you keep doing that all night.. you know.. to make up for all the times you haven't lately.." he burst into a light laugh and says, a little cocky, "I think I can manage that.." before he's kissing you breathless. It's going to be a long night, but that's exactly what you had been planning for..

[kennieswrld]

an analysis of my relationship with an ex-lover of mine.

hello, if you like rants please continue reading. if not, this is totally not for you.

you've been warned.

so i was in a relationship almost a exactly one year ago. it didn't last super long, we didn't create a bunch of memories. but it was enough to put me into the worst depression i've ever experienced so far when we broke up.

our story was actually really textbook for two almost 20 year olds. we met and instantly clicked, had crazy fun sex, talked about everything we could think of, and he cheated on me! i think for a long time i blamed myself on his actions. i had never felt so inadequate and ugly as much as i did then. being a black woman with a redhead was already bringing in enough jokes, but to be cheated on with a goth white woman with long straight inky black hair? misuses spiritual jewlery and definitely practices "magick" instead of magic? AND was a genuinely sweet person with my dream body? whew. god don't get me started. i just couldn't understand why i was never pretty enough for him.

on top of this entire fiasco, we were a long distance couple. this means i sacrificed a lot of my social life to spend hours on facetime every fucking day (it's so insane to even imagine myself doing now). and the cheating was done in a sneaky, disgusting lying way. god, i was a fucking wreck. have you ever had a heartbreak that wasn't even in range? i cried for months over a man who would never be in my immediate area, it was nuts. but as i stated earlier, i was sad for a long long while. i literally lost my sense of self worth after having a string of not-so-amazing moments where i posted to my social media's about the situation (when i was DEFINITELY not in a headspace to even be near a phone).

i never thought i would feel the same, i sobbed at the thought of anything that even reminded me of him. until one day i just- quit. it felt like a wire had flipped in my head, i finally saw how he was just toying with my emotions so i could continue playing his stupid fucking pathetic loser baby-man games. and i just learned how to outplay him.

our contact went radiosilent for a while, until i caved and texted him a few times recently. terrible idea, i know this. but i just had to know if we had truly had the closure we both needed from the situation, and i wanted to talk to the person that was one of my closest friend's at a point in my life. SPOILER ALERT! that was one of the worst decisions of my life, yet one of the best. unlike me, he never moved on.

when i blocked all of his accounts online and pretty much made his being non-existent other than our shared internal memories, he was stalking every single one of my social media's religiously. he kept tabs on my new relationships, my hair changes, fuck even my new posts. it was such a revealing moment to me. this whole time, i felt as if he had moved on and grown up like i had in our time apart, but unlike me, time froze him in the heat of our break up...many months later. at first i felt like he was a pathetic loser with 0 hobbies other than being obsessed with me. but now i see how he is just a product of our societies atrocious way of raising men.

he can't regulate nor voice his emotions properly and doesn't understand how to take complete responsibility for himself and be a good sport even when you're wrong. and at first, i felt so happy in the knowing of how big of a loser this guy was. knowing how the pain he caused me stayed with him forever, but not me. but now, i feel bad for him.

i couldn't imagine living in a past that i know i fucked up. i can barely imagine living my day to day life without true friends that listen to my feelings and i feel true emotional connections with. i can't imagine living like this because i could never live like this. but he does. and that's quite sad. but, i've blocked him on everything. and i'm sure he is reading this, and that's even sadder. but i hope this analysis of my horrid ex helped out a person in the beginning stages of breaking up with their horrid ex. because trust me, you will get over it and live the most amazing life without them, while they pathetically stalk you online like the underdeveloped children that they are.

thanks for listening.

[effervescentandpuzzlingself]

🎆🎉✨🎊🎇

Dear Reader,

I know you missed me. Like my usual line, I've been very busy these past few weeks, sometimes forgetting to eat lunch and too exhausted for dinner. I lost three kilos, but thanks to the Christmas season, I gained it back.

This might be my last letter to you in 2023. I just want to express my relief and happiness for surviving a period where I thought ending my life was the solution to all my problems. I was heartbroken, but not due to romantic love. Earlier this year, I was already overwhelmed with sadness and found myself desperately praying to God to ease the pain. Then, my aunt fell ill, and my beloved Esmé passed away. I must admit, I am still piecing myself back together. I've lost some parts, but I am grateful to celebrate another holiday season.

Reader, I've promised myself to prioritize my well-being next year. I won't be concerned about what others think of my life choices. All I know is that I need to make some changes to rediscover genuine happiness. Honestly, I can't recall how many times I've cried this year, but I know it has brought me closer to God, reminding me of my reliance on Him and the importance of patience. I understand there's still much to learn, but I am comforted knowing each step takes me closer to a happier version of myself.

Oh, and I think I'll try dating again in 2024. After all, the last time I was in love was around 2018 or 2019. I need it, just to remind myself of the small joys of having someone care for me. Haha, just kidding! Who knows? I've indulged in too many anime, manga, and romantic films over the break. While I've said I'll prioritize myself, I still intend to ensure my family is well, providing them with some of the luxuries we never had or were too shy to try because we didn't know how.

On another note, Reader, I'm not sure if I'll be as active next year. Life is hectic, and I'm afraid I'll be swamped again. But don't miss me too much; I'll still be around. Haha! And please, if you're reading this letter, watch "20th Century Girl." The plot twist is so good it hurts! LOL!

That's all for now. See you in 2024!

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 29: Slave

Gdi, I really want to rewatch the Magnostadt Arc, like, you don't get it. I'm in the MOOD. But I promised myself to go more-or-less chronological. Like, it's one thing to kinda jump from one thing to another in some arc, but I want to rewatch the entire thing, gdi, Saya, why do we do that to ourselves.

I'd say speedrun Morgiana Arc, but it's not that much of a speedrun, plus I have a few thoughts.

But before that, I thought randomly about the Night 17, which is an almost-month timeskip. The timeskip where Alibaba does something pretty important, and Morgiana has some character development after a lifetime of being a slave, you know, some dealing with trauma... It didn't really ring a bell until a few days ago, when I was like. Wait. It's a trend. And ya bet I'll comment on the timeskips. But, man, it's already appeared so early!

I had to share this thought, now to the actual chapter.

All I wanted to point out that when Morgiana sensed something coming closer, she instinctively stopped this little girl. Imo cool characterization moment. Seemingly gently.

Yknow, for a kid in this situation, you're being very calm, little girl.

Nadja's from Balbadd! Still pretty cool that there's some of that info sprinkled here and there. Also, didn't Nadja mean Hope?

I checked, it does!

Totally random thought, I wonder if Nadja's supposed to be, like, a symbol of little Morgiana, yknow? Kinda cuz I noticed her side ponytail. And if that's the case, then tbh that's pretty cool, because this arc becomes a symbol of Morgiana saving herself. When she was little, there was nobody else to help her, but she's capable of it now.

Like I've said earlier, it's a damn good arc, but it's very isolated from others. Don't misunderstand me, it references stuff that'll come up in other arcs, but this specific arc won't be referenced much if at all later on. Which is a shame.

Kinda made me think how slavery isn't a thing in Balbadd, so maybe that's why she wasn't as freaked out. She genuinely doesn't understand what it means until Morgiana starts explaining it.

I am both curious, and at the same time, I'm not sure I want to know what Morgiana is saying.

Also, listen, I know I have a tendency to see mah boy everywhere, but I'm kind of wondering if it's the Same Face Syndrome or maybe it's just, like, how Balbadd people look. Seriously, Nadja reminds me a lot about Alibaba, when it comes to her face. It's also kinda cool, in general, bc Hope is also something associated with Alibaba and his Household. As in, according to the wiki, the name of all the spells there are a corruption of Amal, meaning hope.

Whoops.

Another thing I thoght abt is how... desensitized Morgiana feels. Tbh, I'm gonna guess she's dissociating a bit here, to focus on the situation at hand rather than get overwhelmed, which does sound like a defence mechanism she would've created under Jamil.

Mood.

But hey, the intentions are there.

Sad as shit, no surprises. But the fact that Morgiana sees herself in Nadja kinda pushes my "Nadja symbolises little Morgiana" agenda.

She's doing her best.

Same as before, she's trying.

Aaaand fake smile falls.

The next page is really sweet, but, like.

Did she kiss her forehead? ;;

Cat-vibe.

Nadja's sick & Fatima decided to get rid of her & I'm fairly certain this is the exact same thing that happened in SnB, like, disposing of a sick slave.

Aaaand there goes Nadja's sickness, I guess.

I wish Morgiana had more opportunities to emote so fucking much.

.

Finally. I have enough space in the post for Morgiana flashbacks.

I wish Magi characters had more opportunities to face their traumas. And also for that not to be timeskipped.

C minor, put it in C minor-

[beatsboy]

5.8.23

i have so much fire inside of me, and it only continues to grow. it needs to go somewhere. it needs to breathe. it needs to pour out of me.

the fire inside me wants kerosene, it wants broken plates on the floor, it wants a car in flames, it wants to burn my bed.

instead, i let it leak out in every interaction. maybe this is why peopl ekeep telling me that my "vibes are off." the other night, i'm on a date with a client. he doesn't even know i'm 7 weeks on testosterone, that the woman he is paying for tonight is not even a woman at all. but he is enamored with me, and has been since the moment he met me. tonight, though, we are at dinner, and he gets too high before we sit down to eat, from just a hit from his pen outside. he is so high, not thinking about what he's saying, asking every question he's been too nervous to ask you all these months of paying for your affection. tonight, he gets a bit too philosophical from the weed and asks you if you've been meditating lately.

of course not, i think to myself.

yes, i tell him.

he can tell, though, that i'm lying, because he asks, have you? again.

yes, i restate, but i admit not as much (not at all).

he tells me that he doesn't know what it is, but something about my energy has shifted since we first met. that my "aura" is not the same, my vibes are off, whatever. he then snaps out of his daze and apologizes, he doesn't know what came over him.

but he doesn't know about the various tarot readings telling me that i've been ignoring my spirits, my guides screaming at me from every direction. he doesn't know about the countless other peopele, from strangers to friends, who have been telling me the same thing. he doesn't know about the vivid, strange dreams i've been having that seem to stick with me the entire next day. he doesn't know that i haven't been writing any new music lately, no songwriting. that i haven't been singing. that i have been distracting myself in every moment so i don't feel so alone.

i haven't stopped thinking about this interaction since it happened two nights ago. i told myself that TB didn't understand me as well anymore, that he didn't see these things, that he liked to pretend everything was okay. so i decided to test him. i asked him if he had noticed a shift in me, in my aura/vibe/whatever you want to call it. i expected him to deny this, but he didn't. he looked sad, and he said, yeah, i have, soberly. and then i realized.

of course, he's noticed. of course he knows. but all this fire inside me, with nowhere to go, is putting him right in the line of fire. when everyone else is gone, when all the people i still fear might leave me have gone back to their homes, i unleash any remaining rage on him, because i know he'll never leave. and of course he hasn't told me that my aura has soured, because he thinks it's his fault.

i noticed this morning when, after terrorozing him out of bed to go get my phone in glendale, i called him to tell him that he had to wait even longer to get it, and before i could begin to speak, he started apologizing, for nothing. for my anger this morning. and he said, i'm sorry i was upset this morning, it's just that being yelled at when i wake up reminds me of my parents. i should have been up earlier. and he looked so small, through the screen of my laptop, so scared. i am beating a small lamb into submission and asking why he acts like a child. i am the brutal man in this house, even though i haven't spoken to my father in two years. i am the "spiritual person" who has given up practicing. i am the hypocrite, and all i want is to love better than this.

when i was meditating, i started to sing out a low note, lower than i have ever been able to reach before, and with each exhale, layered myself with the binaural sounds coming from the speakers. and behind my eyes, i watched the orange glow expand and retract with each breath, each note, and remembered why i have to sing--so i don't scream.

[solskens]

things are supposed to feel good. love is supposed to feel good. especially love. especially relationships, especially sex, especially intimacy. it's supposed to feel good

[trashpremium-moved]

i promise i'm fine, please don't me worried about me

[archichilled]

Insecurities [Wanda's Version]

A/N: Day 3! It's been a lot of fluff so far, and it's going to continue to be fluff for a while (i think, at least) but this one could be a lil triggering or uncomfortable for some people since it talks about being insecure about your body. Other than that, it's a little bit suggestive. After that it's just pure fluff. So i hope ya'll enjoy it :)

You were staring at yourself in the mirror again, your baggy hoodie over your head but not entirely down your body as you stared at it with a frown. You always hated how you looked under all your clothes, and you hated it more knowing that you were with one of the most beautiful people in the world, Wanda Maximoff.

Wanda always knew how deep your insecurities stemmed, from how your parents treated you badly to all the bullies who made your life a living hell, and even now when you were a grown adult people were still dragging you down. It made her really sad that you were constantly reminded of the world's beauty standards because she knew how bad it could get.

Your girlfriend was on the couch, preparing some popcorn and soda while you got changed because you had just come home from work. Wondering why you were taking so long, Wanda decided to check in on you and now here she was, peeking through the slightly ajar door while you judge your body in silence.

With a defeated sigh, you pull the hoodie down and turn to leave your room, causing Wanda to scramble back to the couch not wanting to be seen by you. As you exited the room, she had already made her way to the couch and tried her best to not look suspicious. Unable to see the expression on her face, you just sat down beside her and prepared to watch the movie with her.

Wanda noticed that you were sitting rather far from her and that you haven't been touching any of the popcorn or soda. Her earlier fears were realized as you continually shifted and hid your stomach with your arms. She eventually had enough of this and called to you. "Y/N, come here."

Your head whips in her direction and you furrow your brows. "Hm?"

She scoots closer to you and pats her lap. "Come here. I wanna cuddle."

You blink several times and you look at her lap, then to your own. "Wanda, I don't think—" "Please, lyubov? I wanna cuddle with my girl."

You sigh and you climbed onto her lap, wrapping your arms around her neck as you avoided her gaze. Wanda immediately notices this and she intertwines her fingers with your hair, kissing your cheek softly. "What's wrong, Y/N?" You shook your head, refusing to ruin the night with your insecurities. "Y/N, malyshka, please tell me. I saw you earlier."

You move away from her slightly, letting your hands drop to your lap as you looked down. "Wanda... why am I like this? Why is my body like this? Why can't I be pretty like you?" The instant you said that Wanda's heart broke. She immediately cupped your cheeks as she saw tears escape your eyes, thumbing them away as they cascade downwards. "Baby... baby, no. You are pretty. Baby, you're so beautiful."

"Then why can't I see it for myself?" You say before you broke out in a sob, hiding your face in your hands as Wanda pulled you close and engulfed you in a hug. You let out loud sobs that ached your heart, and Wanda sat there in silence as you air out all your frustrations. She knew you just needed to let it all out, for now, she didn't want to cut you off because she knew it was important for you to not keep things to yourself. Even if it hurt her listening to you degrade yourself, it was important for her to know what you were insecure about to help you find your confidence later on.

Once your sobs were silenced, you pull away from her hug and you wipe away the remnants of your tears. "I'm sorry for ruining movie night. I just feel so stupid for being like this and you always have to deal with it."

You feel Wanda pull your hands down and she intertwines her fingers with yours while looking deep into your eyes. "Hey, it's okay. I understand it. But you don't have to be insecure about anything, malyshka. I love you the way you are. Besides..." you felt her hand crawl up your leg and it grazes your thigh. "I love your body."

You felt a blush emerge from your cheeks as she leans in close and whispers something into your ear. "Especially if it's under mine and covered in kisses." The heat in your cheeks intensified as you embarrassedly push her away. "Wanda!"

She laughs loudly at your reaction, cooing at how red your face had become while you cover your face in embarrassment. She pulls your hands away once more and kisses your knuckles lovingly. "But jokes aside, milaya, you are beautiful. And I love you for everything that you are."

"Really?" You asked her expectantly and she nods.

"I love how beautiful your eyes gleam when you look at me." She says while kissing the space between your eyes.

"I love the crinkle in your nose when you cringe at my jokes." She kisses the tip of your nose which causes you to momentarily close your eyes.

"I love the way your lips contort into a beautiful smile and how adorable your laugh is." She presses a quick kiss on your lips causing you to smile.

"And I love you because of how much of a kind person you are. You have an amazing heart. And I don't care what other people say. I will love you regardless of their words."

"I love you too, baby. So much." You say honestly and you cup her cheeks. "Thank you for being here for me. You're amazing."

Wanda smiles and leans in close. "And so are you, baby."

Her lips meet yours and you melted into her kiss. Through her kiss, she shows you how much she truly loved you and how thankful she is that she has you. The kiss leaves you breathless, but you refuse to pull away. Your heart burned with passion as your fingers intertwined with her hair while Wanda places her hands on your hips, gripping you in place.

Wanda didn't care how many times she had to prove to you that she loves you and that you're enough the way you are, seeing you react like this to her touch and kiss was always enough.

She loved you, and you knew without a doubt that you loved her.

[miraculous-trinity-leo]

Whacky Gotham, Goofy New York, and Chaotic Paris.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

Chapter 5: Then Let The Games Begin

•—–—–·†·–—–—•

Soooo, the Batfam is panicking, Gotham's confused as to why Iron Man is flying over Gotham like a madman, and Maria is with two of Gotham's Sirens (but only Ivy and Harley know this) having a wonderful time playing with Bud and Lou.

Let's start with the Sirens.

Harley is watching over Maria and Tikki as they sleep with Bud and Lou, Ivy walkes over to sit next to Harley, handing her a cup of tea.

"So, what's the diagnosis?" - Ivy

"She has some sort of trauma, has class issues... and handles more than she should, but still does everythin', on top of bein' a hero. She's been through some sh-t Pam." Yeah Harley may have found out Maria's a hero (if the tiny god and magic were anything to go by).

"Is she alone?" - Ivy

"No, thankfully, she has supportive parents, and friends that aren't little sh-ts. I think they're also heroes, she also has a lot, and I a mean A LOT of pent up emotions, she doesn't show anythin' negative, only positive things. She seems to shrink in on herself if she thinks she does somethin' wrong. Pam, we both know there's a limit to how much crap a person can take before they snap, and she's such a sweet kid. There has to be somethin' we can do to help her Ives." Ok she found out alot, but in Marias' defense, they have trustworthy souls, and they were the only other people (besides her friends) that she talked to about it, yes she had her Maman and Uncle to talk about hero stuff, but for the stuff her class does, she only ever vented (without being negative) to her friends.

"Her class is visiting the Botanical Gardens in three days, and it's a 2 part tour, so we can see just what's going on. If it's bad then we scare them a bit, if it's bad bad... they can handle a few slightly poisonous plants right?" - Ivy

"God I love the way ya think Ives, do ya think she can stay with us? I mean look at how cute she is with Bud and Lou... Oh my god, she's cuddlin' dem, and ya gave her a flower crown, how'd I miss that?! Where's the camera?"

Harley took a picture to remind her of this wonderful moment. As Ivy and Harley looked at the picture, they both promised to keep Maria safe, and maybe become sorta kinda-ish parents to her while she's in Gotham.

•—–·Now back to the Bat-Chaos Bat-Cave·–—•

Tim took over the chair and was now searching the possible locations with Jarvis, Damian was sitting on a different chair, trying to act cool, but he wouldn't stop looking over at Tim, to see his progress. Bruce was talking over the comms with Tony. Dick and Jason, weren't helping (they kept feeding each other worse and worse ideas of what could have happened to Maria). Then they heard Jarvis speak.

"I have found the most likely area Ms. Dupain-Cheng would be in. Her phone died about 56 blocks away from her hotel, if we don't count kidnapping, or murder, she would have thought about asking for directions, but may have decided not to considering the city she is in. So that leaves us with a possible 15-25 mile radius from her last known location. I think it best to divide into groups of two, have Oracle stay and update you if anything on security, and or traffic cameras happens. Bruce will be with Tony, Dick will go with Tim, and Jason will go with Damain to search within the area. Stephanie and Cassandra will search around a 5 mile radius near Wayne hotel." as Jarvis continued to explain the other details, the Batfam began to suit up, Batman met up with Iron Man, and they took the North area, Nightwing and Red Robin took the East area, while Red Hood and Robin searched the South. Steph and Cass were on foot in civilian clothes, searching the West area they were assigned.

They searched for the whole day, and came up with nothing. Until Oracle saw a video from a traffic cam around 9pm, 15 blocks away from where her phone died. She called it in and everyone went back to the cave. Once everyone was at the Bat-Computer, Oracle pressed play, the cameras didn't have sound, and it wasn't close enough to see if she was ok.

They watched as she went to an overgrown parking lot and sat down. She was looking down at the ground, and that's when they spotted two figures round the corner and spot her. They watched as the two figures approach Maria, and saw the startled reaction she had. They realized it was Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy that were talking to her, then they saw Maria collapse. They watched as Harley made sure she was ok, looking over to Ivy before looking back to Maria and picking her up. The last thing they saw, was Maria being carried away by two of Gothams' most dangerous rouges, but now they knew where to look next.

•—–· Back to Ivy and Harley ·–—•

Harley continued to take adorable pictures of the children.

"God, they're so f-ckin' cute!" - Harley for the 20th time

As Ivy continued to watch while caring for her plants, Catwoman walked in.

"Hey girls, got the stuff for movie night, so what are we- Holy mother of cats! He adopted another f-cking child didn't he! Where the hell does he keep finding them?! 7 was ment to be the god DAMN LIMIT!!!" - Catwoman

Maria jumped at the sudden shouting and may have accidentally summoned a yo-yo (one made useing creation magic and protection magic) before saying.

"Tikki where's the akuma?! How long was I out?! Forget it Tikki spot-" she then realized she wasn't in Paris, and seeing a new face, she also realized she just spilled her secret to another person within the same day... kinda

"Fffffffffffudge sunday that fell on the pavement!" - Maria shouted in baker profanities

"That's not how ya curse sweetheart. It should go more like-" Harley was cut off by a vine Ivy had summoned.

"Harley, cursing makes the plants sad, you know this." - Ivy said removing the vine

Harley just walked over to Maria and whipsered it in her ear.

"You're supposed to say it more like this, ' ..... .... ... .. ....... .. ... .....' ok?" - Harley ended with a big smile

"... I will never see this world in the same frickin' light ever again." - Maria

"ehh close enough." - Harley

"Can someone please tell me, WTH is going on here, on our special girls day off?!" - Catwoman

"She is a new member of the Sirens as of today, and as a member, she's unda our protection, so effective immediately." - Harley

"Cool." - Maria

"Harley." - Ivy

"Wut... first things first, if she is going to join, she needs to be very flexible, know how to fight, and be incredibly intelligent." - Catwoman

"She beat Ed's @ss with a gun pointed at her, and solved every riddle with ease, so I'm positive she'll be an amazin' addition to the team." - Harley

'God she sounds like a new mother now' "But we don't know how good her flexibility is." - Catwoman

"I know, hey Maria, ya wanna do some tricks with me, of course we need to stretch first, but do ya wanna give it a go?" - Harley

"Sure." - Maria

Ivy and Catwoman sat down on a couch a few feet away from where Maria and Harley stood in the empty part of the building. They started out with stretches, and to Catwoman's surprise (and Harley's delight) Maria copied Harleys streches perfectly.

"Ok, now that that's done, we'll start with some cartwheels, then move on to flips, then handsprings and so on." - Harley

Maria gave Harley a nod... and they were off... literally, Harley did a cartwheel into a handspring, and a few backflips, Maria executed it flawlessly. Harley did some more complicated gymnastics tricks, and Maria did it, Harley did triple backflips going into a cartwheel, into a summersault, and Maria did that perfectly as well. This went on until both Harley and Maria were slightly out of breath, both having massive smiles on their faces.

"Ives, please let her join, she's like a mini me." - Harley then hugged Maria and they somehow both tripled in cuteness as they both did puppy (or Puss In Boots style) eyes at Catwoman and Ivy.

"Sure Harley." - Ivy said walking over to give Harley a small kiss on the cheek.

"Okay... but she doesn't have a costume yet, and she still has to think of a name for herself." - Catwoman

"Is a mouse good, like a mouse themed costume, that or a Turtle themed one. What do you think Harley?" - Maria

"Mmmm, I like that with the mouse you can always toy with Cat, ya know, cat an' mouse stuff, turtle seems... weird even fawh Gotham, so personally I would pick mouse, just because of the cheesy jokes you could do." - Harley

"Very funny, ok then, give me a moment."  Maria then reached out her hand, her eyes then started to glow an icy blue, and a small portal opened in front of her, she reached in and pulled out a small pendant necklace. After she put it on a small mouce appeared and greated itself, Marias' eyes going back to normal after closing the portal.

"Hello I'm Mullo, nice to meet you all."

"Omg omg omg, It's soooo f-ckin' CUTE!" - Harley

"Best to assume all of them are extremely cute Harls." - Ivy

"What the Hell did I miss in the week I was gone?!" - Catwoman

"Ehh, not much, oh but Iron Man did fly aroun' Gotham a few times earlier this mornin' like a madman." - Harley

"Oh sh-t." - Maria

"Maria are ya ok? That was ya first official proper curse in my presence." Harley said looking over to the girl.

"He's gonna kill me." - Maria

"Wait, what do you mean Marigold?" - Ivy

"... He's my Uncle, and I never got to text him I was ok, since my phone died before I met you." - Maria

"Hey, I'm sure he'll understand, now what are we watchin'?" - Harley

"I think we have more important matters other than movies at the moment!" - Catwoman

"Ok, Me Myself and Irene it is." - Harley

"No! You basically kidnapped Iron Mans' NIECE!!!" - Catwoman

"Technically, she fainted and us bein' the good Gothamites we are, decided to take her with us, to make sure she was a-okay." - Harley

"I'm ganna need more than just a six pack of soda to get me through this... Just put the movie on already." - Catwoman

Catwoman sat at the far left end of the couch, next to her sat Ivy, then Maria, and then Harley, Bud and Lou by their feet. All of them sharing one big blanket (Becuase if Iron Man did show up, or any of the birds, then Maria was in a protective burrito and they may not see her right away) and they started the movie.

•—–·–—•

"Oh god, the poor cow." - Maria

.........

"Hahahaha, he stuck a whole f-ckin' chicken head in that guys @ss" - Harley

"The poor chicken." - Maria

"Maria you don't want to see this part." - Ivy then lightly covered her eyes for the ehem, chicken extraction.

.........

"Anyone up for another movie?" - Harley

"That depends." - Ivy

"Any suggestions Cat?" - Harley looked across to the other end of the couch to see Catwoman already sleeping.

"She took her cat-nap already? Seriously?" - Harley

"... What about Pirates of The Caribbean?" - Maria

"I'm good with that." - Ivy

And they started the next movie, Maria was happy, it felt like when her maman and papa would sleep with her when she made a pillow fort. It was a loving atmosphere, it felt safe, and nothing could ruin it. Marias' eyes became heavy, and she leaned her head on Harleys' shoulder, falling asleep after a few minutes.

Ivy paused the move looking over to see both Harley and Maria sleeping, soon Ivy also fell asleep in the comfortable silence.

…………………………

Around an hour later Maria woke up in a panic, she had a nightmare, and kept looking around frantically for someone with tears running down her face.

"What's the matter hun?" - Harley said looking around to see if someone had gotten in. When she looked back at Maria she saw that she was crying.

"What happened?" Harley asked in a kind voice that was filled with motherly love.

"I, just *hic* had a bad dream that's *hic* all, I'm fine." - Maira said trying to wipe the tears away.

"You're ok, I promise nothin's goin' to happen to ya as long as Ivy and I are here, ok hun?" - Harley hugged Maria, and she could feel the girl let out a few more sobs, and quick breathes.

"Thanks Maman." Maria didn't even realize what she had said, it just felt natural for her to say it.

"You're welcome hun." 'Omg I'm gonna cry, she called me maman!' Harley rubbed small circles over Marias' back, and began humming until she fell asleep, she continued to hug Maria until she also fell asleep.

•—–· Back to the Chaos Bat-Cave ·–—•

"What do you mean she's with two of Gotham City's Sirens?!" - Tony

"Tony, calm down, I'll call Selina, she can talk to them and get this all sorted out." - Bruce

"Your fiancee is a Gotham Siren too?! Why didn't you tell me?!" - Tony

"Why isn't she picking up? And unlike some people, this family doesn't like outing our secret identities... on live TV." - Bruce

"Oh well excuse me for not keeping my secret identity a SECRET!" - Tony

"I'll try calling her one more time." - Bruce

"Bruce, it's 3am. Who in their right mind ever stays up this late.... aside from this family." - Tim with a giant coffee mug in hand.

"... I'll just call her one more time." Bruce then connected it to the Bat-Computer so everyone could hear.

•—–· Back to the Sirens ·–—•

Catwoman's phone is ringing like crazy, waking everyone up, including a tired, annoyed, and confused Selina.

"Wth does he want at 3 in the morning?!" - Selina

"Just answer it so we can keep sleepin'." - Harley still hugging Maria

"I'm putting it on speaker, so you lot can testify against his @ss in court, for disturbing the peace."

•—–· Over to Batsy ·–—•

"Selina I need to ask-"

"WHAT THE F-CKING HELL DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT A GOOD NIGHTS REST!" - Selina

"Oooooh, she sounds pissed Bruce." - Jason

"I'm sorry to call you at this hour, but we need to find a girl that looks just like every single one of my other kids." - Bruce

"Bruce... I thought we agreed that 7 kids was. the. f-cking. limit." - Selina

•—–· Back to the Sirens ·–—•

Selina looked over to Maria before muting the speaker.

"Do you want them to know you're here Kitten?" - Selina

"... I'm tired, I haven't had coffee, I have no filter, so f-ck it, act like you never saw me today, and let them drown in chaos. " - Maria

"I think I like filter less Maria." - Harley

"Okay." Selina shrugged her shoulders and then un-muted her phone, putting it back on speaker mode.

"Where was she last seen?" - Selina

"She was last seen with Harley and Poison Ivy, I want you to see if she's still with them." - Bruce

Selina looked over to Maria and Harley, both of them shook their heads with mischievous grins.

"I've been with them all day, and I haven't once seen a girl that looks like your kids. Now can I go back to sleep, and forget this ever happened?" - Selina

"WHERE IS MY NIECE!!!" - Tony

"Oh, hey Tony, didn't know you were there, don't know who, or where your niece is, but good luck trying to find her. Oh and Bruce, I'm shutting my phone off so you don't keep calling till the butt crack of dawn. And congrats it's now 4am. you owe me a lunch date, uh-ba-bye." Selina then hung up her phone and turned it off.

"That went pretty well if you ask me, now I'm going back to sleep." - Selina

•—–· Back to Batsy ·–—•

The room was silent for a few minutes before Jason spoke up.

"Does that mean that Pixiepop ran away and is even more lost now?!" - Jason

"Oh god, what do we do, what if she got hurt?!" - Dick

"What if she got kidnapped?!" - Jason

"What if she's with a big time Gotham Villain?!" - Dick

"... What if she got more coffee?" - Tim

"Oh Hell No" - Jason/Dick

"... Lets all go to sleep, and when we wake up, we'll head over to their base and double check. She could've just said that because I called her at 3am." - Bruce

"But my niece is still out there!" - Tony

"You're going to sleep Tony." - Pepper then dragged Tony to his room.

•—–· Back to Maria ·–—•

Selina went to a different part of the building, where Maria assumed the bedrooms were. Ivy had gone to the greenhouse to be with the plants, and now it was just her and Harley left on the couch, and she couldn't sleep.

"... Harley?" - Maria

"Yeah hun?" - Harley

"I can't sleep." - Maria

"Well, watcha wanna do till ya get tired?" Harley asked sitting up a little straighter to get a better look at Maria.

Maria gave a sly smile, and looked Harley in the eyes "Want to go free-running on the rooftops?"

"... Alright, but lets get some coffee, and a snack in us first." - Harley gave her a side hug, before getting up to go make the coffee, and grab some snacks.

After they had their coffee, they climbed to the roof of the base. Harley was in her outfit, bat in hand and ready to do some bonding.

"So, how does ya outfit work?" - Harley

"Like so, ready Mullo?" - Maria

"Yes Maria" - Mullo

"Ok, Mullo, Get Squeaky!" A bright light flashes, and when Harley could see again, Maria was in a dark gray suit, wearing black knee high boots, with a strip of pink at the knee, and black elbow length gloves with the same pink strip at her elbow. Her mask was a slightly lighter gray on the top part, and pink on the bottom. Her hair was pulled into two buns with pink ribbons that faded to gray, and to black at the very tip. Her jump rope around her waist forming a tail going just below the back of her knees.

"Just when I think ya can't get any more adorable. So what should I call ya?" - Harley

"You can call me Multimouse." - Maria

Soon they were racing and doing tricks off different roofs, they were really enjoying themselves. From one of the roofs they heard a commotion in one of the alleys, when they looked down they saw a man holding a woman at gunpoint.

"Not good, seems like he's got issues, probably lost his lover, most likely has additions to drugs and alcohol, and seems to be a little tipsy." - Harley

"I've got a plan." - Multimouse

…………

Multimouse droped a little way behind the guy, grabbing his attention while Harley got the lady to safety.

"You know there's a help center two blocks from here that would be more than willing to help you." - Multimouse

The crook just raised his gun to her trying to keep it steady as he spoke.

"Give me all your money little girl, or else I'll hurt you."

"1. That's not how you hold a gun. 2. That is no way to treat any girl. and 3. Instead of money, I'll give you my jump rope." - Multimouse

"Why the hell would I want your jump rope, that thing looks worthless." the crook lowered his guard enough as Multimouse pretended to hand over her jump rope, only to use it in a quick motion to dismarm the man, as Harley promptly knocked him out with one swing.

"Lets neva have ya at gunpoint again, okay hun? I'm afraid my heart can't take it." - Harley said while tying the crook to a lamppost.

"Sorry, but it was the best idea I could come up with at the moment, besides, any guy with a gun would feel like they have the upper hand if they're facing a random little girl with a jump rope, rather than Gothams' Harley Quinn with a bat." - Multimouse

"Sadly I'm just too popular with the kiddos on the street." - Harley

…………

They continued to stop a few more muggers on the way back to the base, and when they got back they peaked around the corner to see the whole Batfam plus Iron Man talking with Ivy and Selina.

"How much you want to bet we can get back out before they see us?" - Whispering Multimouse

"... Lets try hidin' in the kitchen." - Whispering Harley

As they tried to sneak by (still in their costumes) Selina just walks over and draggs them to the group.

"Here, now let me sleep!" - Selina

"Dang it Selina we wanted tah see just how long we could hide out in the kitchen!" - Harley

Selina did a double take now realizing they both went out.

"... You didn't." - Selina

"We wanted tah go free-runnin'! So what?" - Harley

"She could've gotten hurt Harls." - Ivy

"My suits magic, I am invulnerable to bullets, normal magic, swords, knifes, anything staby staby, and I can withstand any temperature in it." Multimouse said with a slight pout.

"Hold up, is she a magical girl?" - Red Hood in the background

When Selina let go both Harley and Multimouse went behind Ivy for protection.

"We can still make a run for it." - Harley whispered to Multimouse

"... Ok, I'll meet you on the roof." - Whispering Multimouse

Harley gave a nod as she slowly inched her wasy closer to the door that lead to the roof, as she saw Iron Man approach Multimouse.

"Please get out of your suit, we need to talk about why you're here-" - Iron Man

"Multitute!" - Multimouse

Harley then saw Multimouse shrink into dozens of tiny little versions of herself as her clones spread out in all directions, one of which was heading right for her.

"Wth, you never told us she could use magic!" - Red Robin

Harley picked her up, and slipped through the door without anyone noticing.

"That was great, but how do ya get back tuh normal size?" - Harley

"Simple, I just merge back with my clones." As she said this, all her clones came back, and she merged with herself, becoming normal sized again.

"Where to?" - Multimouse

………… So now The Batfam is trying to find many long gone Mini-Multimouses, and Harley seems to have disappeared with her. Harley and Multimouse are now running over the roofs, heading for Wayne Manor.

"So why are we going to Wayne Manor?" - Multimouse

"Because, Batsy will neva think of lookin' for us at his own home, at least not fawh a little while." - Harley

When they arrived at the Manor, Multimouse de-transformed as Harley knocked on the door.

"Ms. Quinn, Ms. Maria, pleasure to see you here, please come in." - Alfred

"Are any of the bat-birds here?" - Harley

"Ms. Barbara, Ms. Stephanie, and Ms. Cassandra are the only ones here at the moment." - Alfred

"Do ya think you can keep us bein' here a secret from Batsy?" - Harley

"Harley? What are you doing here with Maria?" - Barbara

"It seems that Ms. Harley and Ms. Maria are now playing hide and seek with the rest of the family." - Alfred

"Did someone say hide and seek?" - Steph

"Yes, so could we maybe try and keep this a secret from everyone else, please?" - Maria

"Sure, it was starting to get boring around here. We can all hide in the living room no one ever use. Barbara you show them the way, I'll get the food/drinks and boardgames." - Steph

"Is this alright with you Alfred?" Maria

"It's all right Ms. Maria, you can hide out in the old living room." - Alfred

"Thanks Alfie, ya the best." - Harley

"Thank you Alfred." - Maria

"Ok then, follow me." - Barbara

…………

In the old living room, Harley, Maria, Barbara, Steph, and Cass began to formulate a plan.

"Ok, so the best way for them to never find you is to have your phone off, stay away from any and all cameras, and show your face to no one." - Steph

"So, do you have anything in mind that you might want to do?" - Barbara

"Can we put them on a wild goose chase?" - Maria

Cass nodded to Marias' suggestion approvingly.

"I can hack a few traffic cams to help with that." - Barbara

"We can also throw in some useless hints, to throw dem even further off our scent." - Harley

"Good idea Harley." - Barbara

"Thanks, but how long do ya think we should make it last?" - Harley

"As long as Maria wants it to." - Barbara

"Then let the games begin." - Maria.

•—–—–·†·–—–—•

Chapter 5 complete. Hope everyone is stayin' safe, Rockin' those Positive Vibes, and havin' an absolutely wonderful day. BUG-OUT 🐞💮🐞

〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜Tag List〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜

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[amaya-chwan]

Takeaways from Therapy Game: Restart Chapter 13 (and some Therapy Game news!)

Hello everyone! I hope you've all been well these past two months and taken care of yourselves! 💜

Before we get into our takeaways for chapter 13, I saw some news from Hinohara-sensei's Official Twitter that I would like to share with you all!

First piece of news: Therapy Game re:start volume 2 will be released on 1st June 2021! 🎉

Second: in conjunction with the release of the second volume, Sensei will have an in-person fan signing event at the Ikebukuro Animate store (animate honten) AND will have a special limited time shop featuring goods of our favourite dorks! This shop will be opened 6th-20th June! 🎉🎉

Image from Sensei's Official Twitter post! ❤️💛💜❤️

Now, what does the second piece of news mean for us not living in Japan (such as myself)? 🤔 Well, one of two things could happen:

We could see the merch on Sensei's Twitter and wish we could buy them one day 😭 OR

Animate could "potentially" release this merch for online order!

I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up, but when I saw Animate open a special Yuri!!! on Ice shop last year, I didn't think they'd release merch online. But they did, for a very, very short period of time only! So my only hope is that they do that again for Hinohara-sensei! 🤞

Here's the special website from Sensei's twitter that has information about the fan signing event and limited time shop! It seems they'll show what merch will be available in the shop when it's all been finalised.

If I spot anymore updates about that, I'll try to post about it here! ❤️💛

Alright, down to business as usual! Let's get into our takeaways~ Thank you for being so patient with me! Life has been a little busy this year with juggling work and social life! So I really appreciate your patience! 💜

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Loving the brotherly love we see in this chapter! Warms my heart to no end! ❤️💛💜❤️

Minato, bb, you are growing up a lot! I am proud of you! 😭

Did I ever tell you guys that I really love Mito-san too? No? Well now I have ahah! He is just amazing and I love the energy he has--cool and lovable, yet smooth and sexy! Loving the domestic vibes I'm getting! 😍😍

AHHH SHIZUMA! Your smile is too pure, it's blinding! 🥰

Just couple goals from Shizuma and Minato, AND from Mito-san and Shouhei! (Why I don't call Mito-san Itsuki, I'll never know ahah I blame Shouhei! XDDD) ❤️💛💜❤️

The younger sibling moments in this chapter are so relatable! (I am that younger sibling ahahah!) 🤣🤣🤣

I honestly don't know what to think of Onodera at this point in time? 🤔

The (supposed) date time with Shizuma and Minato went from adorable anticipation to steamy relations in a split second, but not NSFW! 😲

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! Since it's been a while since the last chapter, I threw in some extra surprises in this summary, so keep reading if you want to see~  😉✨

Our chapter begins with an image of Mito-san and Minato, with Minato's cheek leaning on Mito-san's shoulder. The dialogue reads: When it seems like my overflowing emotions are about to burst from the seams, I really do yearn for this back (i.e. something familiar he can always lean on).

We see Minato spaced out on a sofa, being called by Itsuki. Itsuki tells Minato to go home if he's just going to sit there like that since he is very busy cleaning his entire home for when Shouhei moves in with him! Minato gets up, understands the situation, and helps Itsuki out.

Itsuki, knowing something has happened between Shizuma and Minato, asks Minato directly since he only goes to Itsuki's place when he is troubled, and he must be troubled by something related to Shizuma. He also says that Shizuma is worried about Minato, especially since Itsuki lied to him about Minato's whereabouts.

Minato brushes it off, saying that it's nothing big. He talks about the time when they had to drop by Shizuma's workplace, he saw a woman/Onodera (not knowing she's Shizuma's director) and that Shizuma made an very adorable face while talking to her.

Minato stops talking, so Itsuki asks if that is all to the story. Minato then says yes, so Itsuki deduces that Minato is ignoring Shizuma because he happily spoke with that woman (Onodera) and confirms with Minato, who then agrees. Itsuki blames himself for raising Minato like this and apologises to Shizuma in his inner monologue.

Minato defensively says he's told Shizuma not to do that, yet he still does. Minato's monologue says that this Shizuma--who is talking to someone unknown to him, about a story he doesn't know, in a place he doesn't know about--seems like a distant person to him.

He realises that even though he and Shizuma are together, he cannot monopolise him, and that it annoys him. So rather than tell him not to speak with others, he has chosen not to see Shizuma until he calms down. Suddenly, a handyman appears at Itsuki's home to beginning furniture installations.

Image translated from Sensei’s Twitter post here!

Minato is surprised Itsuki replaced a lot of his furniture, to which Itsuki replies: "I wonder if Shouhei-kun prefers the new ones too."  Minato says Shouhei would freeze from this "surprise" and imagines Shouhei asking how much it cost!

Itsuki, still in his happy bubble, says he wants Shouhei to also select some household furniture and accessories, so they'll go shopping together next time. Minato is happy for them since their house-moving plans are going well. Itsuki goes back to their previous topic of conversation, and says how Shizuma and Shouhei both are very charming. He recounts how Shouhei would handle different kinds of customers, from the difficult to the sad ones, how his charms and personable skills would change their mood completely, and calls him a genius who has a knack for calming customers.

Minato asks if Itsuki dislikes that, since he himself doesn't know what to think of Shizuma showing his charm and friendliness to others and that some misunderstandings would arise eventually.

Itsuki then reminds Minato that out of all the people in the world, Shizuma asked Minato to live with him, and that thought alone must've made him happy.

Minato does agree, yet it doesn't change the fact that he is unaware of what Shizuma does outside of the home. Itsuki is then suspicious that Minato and Shizuma are going to move in together too.

Minato panics, and says he just meant that from Itsuki's point of view since he's moving in with Shouhei. Just as Minato thinks he's almost let the secret slip, he gets a phone call. Itsuki tells Minato that it's Shizuma, but Minato refuses to pick it up as he is "still cleaning"--the real reason is that Minato told Shizuma he wouldn't forgive him if they speak before Minato gave the OK to talk again.

Itsuki, being the older brother, answers the phone and slides it on the desk near Minato and leaves him to talk with Shizuma, even putting it on loud speaker since Minato is preoccupied.

Shizuma is frantically trying to get a response from Minato, to which Minato responds with a simple: “What... I can hear you.” The first thing Shizuma asks is where Minato is at this present moment, fearing that he might be at a suspicious place. Minato says he isn't and is in fact in the neighbourhood doing some errands. Shizuma breathes a sigh of relief and is thankful his call finally reached Minato as no one he asked knew where Minato was, and because Shizuma was overthinking things, he was just about to go searching for him.

Minato tells him that he doesn't need to go to such lengths and make such a big fuss about it, but Shizuma tells him that he will always make a big fuss about it since it's about Minato. To avoid such a thing happening again, Shizuma tells Minato not to make him worry. Then these pages happen:

Just as their talk of their brothers' moving into together comes to an end, Shizuma gets all excited to go apartment hunting with Minato again and reminds him, not knowing that Itsuki is also listening. The Mito brothers freeze in surprise, with Itsuki soon confirming his earlier suspicions with Minato--his eyes and aura going all kira kira (i.e. sparkly). Minato tries to reprimand him for bringing it up now, but Shizuma continues on, saying he's found a few places he likes and they should start inspecting prospective apartments soon before they're overwhelmed by it all.

Minato hastily agrees to it all, and Shizuma smirks on the other end of the phone, asking Minato when they can see each other. Shizuma suggests Friday if he is too busy at the present moment, and just as Minato gives work as an excuse not to see him on that day, Itsuki jumps in and says he can go see Shizuma.

Shizuma, very surprised by the fact Itsuki overheard their conversation, says his name aloud, and Shouhei overhears him. Itsuki thanks Shizuma for letting him overhear such an adorable story featuring Shouhei. And then this happens:

Still very flustered, Minato quickly agrees to seeing Shizuma on Friday and promptly ends the call before Shizuma can even finish saying "Wait!" Itsuki happily approaches Minato and asks to hear more of their apartment hunting adventures, to which Minato replies that nothing is final yet!

We change locations, and Minato is now on the balcony scrubbing the floor. Minato recalls how he wanted to tell Itsuki about his and Shizuma's plans to move in together further down the track. He then is overjoyed at the thought that Shizuma missed him and wanted to see him. While he awaits Friday, he remembers and is embarrassed by how furious he was the last time they saw each other. He plans to start a skin routine to care for his face and to get his hair done.

Just as he thinks this, he is called out by none other than Shizuma, who is on the ground floor outside. Minato, visibly surprised, asks Shizuma why he’s here. Shizuma tells him that the shop is close to his home. Minato knows this, but is more curious as to why he is here since they just agreed to see each other on Friday. Shizuma is taken aback for a moment, before saying: 

While Minato hides away from Shizuma and quickly tries to style his hair, Itsuki overhears a ruckus on his balcony and goes to investigate. We then find out that Shouhei accompanied Shizuma. Shouhei calls out to Itsuki and asks why he didn't tell him that he was cleaning the whole house. The Ikushima brothers offer to help out with the cleaning, with Shizuma joining in because his younger brother will be under Itsuki's care soon. Itsuki happily agrees, saying that he wouldn't be able to fully clean the place if only Minato were there.

As the Ikushima brothers are getting ready to go upstairs to help, Itsuki says the brothers are indeed good, endearing people, and their charming personalities would probably make Minato and Itsuki anxious at times. Minato agrees. Itsuki then continues to say that while Shizuma and Shouhei charm those around them, the only ones who can make them smile the way they do are themselves. Minato is concerned about a possible intruder in their relationship, and Itsuki provides some brotherly advice.

We change scenes to Onodera, smoking on the clinic rooftop and thinking about Shizuma's smiling face.

We change scenes again to Minato, waiting for Shizuma at a predetermined location since it is now Friday. Happy with his new hairdo, Minato reminds himself not to get angry, to sort out the current situation they're in (i.e. Minato's one-sided anger at Shizuma), and to be calm and collected.

Shizuma then gets out of a car across the road, and looks around for Minato. Minato, who can see him very clearly, smiles happily and decides to let Shizuma look for him a little longer. A few more moments pass by, and Shizuma spots Minato and then waves happily to him. However, there is a slight problem.

Minato sees “the woman from last time” (Onodera) driving the car who then passes Shizuma his phone, with him smiling awkwardly at her. He recalls Itsuki's brotherly advice. Minato had actually asked Itsuki a follow-up question: "You say ‘just don't lose,’ but what should I actually do?" Itsuki tells him that it's something he has to figure out for himself.

Shizuma runs to Minato, apologising for making Minato wait. He explains that he was running late due to various issues, and he seemed to have dropped his phone in the car of the person who dropped him off. Before he could even tell Minato that it's his director who dropped him off, Minato says he doesn't need to say anything else and to just go out with him.

We see that Shizuma and Minato are now at a hotel, with Minato quickly pushing Shizuma onto the bed. Shizuma is annoyed at himself for letting Minato see such a scene that would cause a misunderstanding. Before heading over to the bed, Minato closes the door, turns to face Shizuma, and grins. He crawls onto the bed and immediately kisses Shizuma. He calls out Shizuma's name before asking him:

He softly pleads with Shizuma, asking for a quick response. Shizuma wonders if Minato's jealously is making him want to be held right now. He thinks Minato is really, really adorable, but also realises this isn't the right time to be thinking this. So Shizuma does tell Minato he loves him, that it's obvious he loves him very much. He apologises for causing him to worry and that he never once intended to do so. Minato cuts him off, saying that he understands and that it's okay.

Despite saying so, Shizuma notices the atmosphere is a little different than usual. Minato then tells Shizuma that he's been thinking of a way to ensure he doesn't lose Shizuma to anyone or lets anyone take him. The final page shows us this:

Again, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 📢  As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! ���

And that’s it for this chapter! 😲 Another cliffhanger here, and ngl that was a little (SFW-ish) steamy? I honestly do not know what to expect in the next chapter!! Dominant Minato?????  But I hope you enjoyed the few extra panels in this summary! 💜 My laptop struggled to keep up, so I will go back to only showing a handful of panels in future summaries. Please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

The next chapter will be in next month's Dear+, so the wait isn't too much longer! So I shall see you all next month for our next set of takeaways to find out what happens next!

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

[pettyvxbes]

COLSON BAKER x READER - OCEAN EYES IV

BRIAN, JIMI, JANIS, KURT, AND. . .COLSON?

"Can we get two 16oz house drips, one black with two sugars and the other with two sugars and a splash of cream?" He ordered, remembering exactly how you took your coffee, even after all the time you'd been separated. It made you smile, knowing that you still occupied some space in his mind.

"So this is your coffee shop?" You asked, leaning against the side of the counter as you waited for your drinks.

"Yeah, I opened it last year. It turned out pretty cool." He smiled as he looked around the room. You could tell he was proud of it.

"It's badass" You agreed with him.

"If you're hungry, we serve brunch." Colson handed you a menu to peruse. "This is actually why I was at the farmers market. All of our fruits and vegetables are local." You looked over the list of food, noticing all of the fresh ingredients.

"That's so cool. Everything sounds delicious." You said, flipping the menu over to continue exploring. On the opposite side, you found a cocktail menu. Some of the drink names made you chuckle. There was 'the gunner,' 'sex, dope, and cheap thrills,' 'screw me' with its counterpart, 'screw you,' and the 'you know I'm no good.' Without even seeing the ingredients, you immediately thought that the last one sounded like a drink you'd choose.

Colson exchanged the menu in your hands with a coffee cup filled with hot coffee. You looked at him and gave him a weak thank you smile which he inadvertently returned, and just like that, you were taken back to the first morning you had ever spent together.

You woke up randomly as the sun was shining through the tiny window of your dorm room. You were still wearing the same clothes from the night before. It confused you because you hadn't even remembered falling asleep. The last thing you could recollect was laying with Colson in your XL twin bed, which he noted multiple times was fantastic because his tall, lanky ass fit perfectly.

"Good morning," Colson whispered. It took you a moment to fully wake up, but you noticed how your bodies were intertwined when you did. Your head was on his chest, and his arm was holding you close to him. It was cozy.

"Good morning." You repeated, squeezing him and nuzzling your face into his neck. "How long have you been awake?" You asked sleepily, afraid that you were the only one who had dozed off.

You and Colson had agreed to stay up as long as you could talking to each other. After all, it was the first time you had seen each other since Atlanta, and even though you had basically talked every day for the last 3 months, you still had a lot to talk about.

"Not long, maybe like fifteen.. . twenty minutes" He shrugged. "I didn't want to wake you. I just wanted to lay here and hold you a little longer, watch you sleep, smell your hair." He squeezed you, placing a small kiss on the top of your head. "I wanted to memorize all of it because this weekend will be over before we know it, and then It'll be back to facetime calls and falling asleep on the phone."

"Blahhh, don't remind me." You pouted, sitting up to face him. You enjoyed every single second you got to spend with that blue-eyed boy in your bed, and you never wanted it to end. He had quickly become your best friend, your person.

"Sorry. Y'know, you're fucking cute when you're sleepy" Colson smiled at you, no makeup and hair a mess. To him, you were perfection. "Oh, I ordered coffee." He said excitedly as he sat up, reaching for the cups on the table next to your bed. "Remind me to thank your roommate later. She was not very happy when she was woken up by the Doordash driver." He chuckled.

"She'll get over it" You took the warm cup from him, sipping slowly. Careful not to burn your mouth. You immediately spit the coffee back into the cup, scrunching your nose up at the taste. The coffee was sweeter than a glazed chocolate donut filled with thousands of tiny sprinkles. You thoroughly enjoyed coffee, and you liked to be able to taste the flavor in every sip.

"Shit, did I get it wrong?" He asked worriedly. It was one of the topics you had discussed last night, and he had already forgotten.

"Yeah, but we've never had coffee together, so I'll give you a free pass." You joked. "Two sugars and a splash of cream," you reminded him with a small smile.

"I swear I will never forget again." He promised, passing you his coffee to share.

"Let's sit back here" Colson's voice pulled you from your memory. As you followed him to the back of the coffee shop, you noticed photos of different famous musicians on each table.

"What's with the pictures?" You asked, gesturing towards a table with Kurt Cobains' face on it.

"They're all a part of the 27 club." He could tell by the expression on your face that you had no idea what that meant. "a bunch of artists and entertainers that died at the age of 27." Colson explained.

"Oh." you gasped, finally understanding the name of his coffee shop.

Colson led you to a table in the back corner. It was secluded enough to offer a little privacy from the rest of the customers. You took a seat, instantly noticing the photo that was on your table. It was him. Your narrowed eyes and knitted brows caught his attention, and he followed your gaze to determine the look of confusion on your face.

"You're 31." You stated the obvious.

"Yes, but most days I feel like my life ended when I was 27." He let out a small chuckle.

You took a sip of your coffee, waiting for Colson to elaborate further. Quickly getting distracted by the liquid in your cup. When the coffee first hit your tongue, you could taste a combination of floral and fruity notes, but as you swallowed, you noticed a nutty caramel tone. It was unique and unlike any other coffee, you had ever tried.

"Mmm," You hummed quietly, approving of the noteworthy java in your hand. "You remembered how I like my coffee." You said without thinking.

You regretted it almost instantly. You didn't want to discuss your past relationship or talk to Colson like old friends. You just wanted the explanation you deserved so you could be on your way. It wasn't necessary to spend any more time with him than need be. You didn't want to conjure up old feelings any more than you already had by being in this stupid city.

"I said I would never forget, didn't I?" He looked at you like you made the whole world spin, and for a moment, it was like time stood still.

"God. I'm so stupid." His words came out as a whisper as he looked away from you. Shame and guilt wallpapered his face. "I made the biggest mistake of my life by losing you, and it's something I'm never going to forgive myself for."

"Why'd you leave Colson?" You were blunt, and your words were shaky.

"Because y/n, you deserved better." He paused, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "I was laying there with you in my arms that morning thinking to myself, 'how can I possibly love this amazing woman the way she deserves to be loved when I don't even like who I am."

The sadness in his voice was evident, and you could clearly see the pain in his glossy blue eyes. He hurt himself just as much as he had hurt you.

"I was the biggest fuck up on the planet. You sacrificed your happiness to be with me, to support my dreams, and be my biggest fan. . .I was selfish, and I took you for granted. I broke your heart, and somehow you still managed to see the best in me. It wasn't fair to you. -- Y/n, I had to go because I knew that staying would have been even more painful for you. I was a sinking ship that was burning, and I couldn't bear to be the reason you went down in flames too." A silent tear slid down his cheek.

You sat there speechless as you listened to the explanation you had waited years to hear. You hadn't even realized it, but at some point, you had started tearing up too. Colson reached over, wiping the tears from your face.

"I hate myself for fucking things up with you." He said, staring at you.

You didn't know what it was about him, but when you looked into those blue eyes, you saw a reflection of your soul staring back at you. He was your person, always had been, and always would be. You and Colson had a once-in-a-lifetime connection. The kind of connection that made you feel alive by just being near him, even the silence between you, was comfortable because you felt complete in each other's presence.

"You are worth so much more than second thoughts and maybes'. I am so sorry y/n" You could feel the emotion in Colson's words. His apology was like rain on a dehydrated garden. Grossly overdue, but miraculously just in time.

You sat in silence for a few moments before speaking. "Earlier, when you said you lost your life at 27, what did you mean?" You questioned.

"Y'know, everyone thought I was overreacting after our breakup. . ." He started. You had no idea where he was going with his response, but you let him continue." what they didn't get was how much of my life you really were. . .You were more than just another relationship down the drain. You were my past, my present, and my future. Y/n, you were my life."

At that moment, you understood why his photo sat on a table in that coffee shop. He was a part of the 27 club, not because he physically perished at 27, but because that was when he lost the only thing that ever made him feel alive, you.

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