#me: i don’t need therapy

[deep-space-lines]

look, I love Garrus but his ME1 characterization makes me wanna do this to him

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

can we stop the trend of putting traumatized and mentally unstable characters into romantic relationships as their “happy endings”?

[n1ghtwr1ter]

At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.

Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.

And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.

She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.

And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.

But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.

Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.

They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.

And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.

And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.

But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.

It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.

But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

[fandomsnrambles]

Find it so funny to think of Wu talking about his experiences with villains as random dad lore drops

Like wtf do you mean you banished your brother to the underworld, fought a war against some guy called Chen & raised the ghost that’s possessing Lloyd???

He also doesn’t elaborate more than he has to (probably cause trauma) 😭

[houseswife]

find it sooo funny that foreman is cuddy now and chase is house because although cuddy was an enabler she at least had some semblance of what you’re meant to do as a doctor. so she could hold up the facade a tiny bit. chase is gonna walk in like “I need approval to amputate this guy’s perfectly working legs and then re-attach them using dental floss. without anaesthesia btw. and we’re gonna hypnotise his medical proxy to get consent. we think he has a mild mint allergy and I need the answer” and foreman isn’t even gonna look up from his paperwork before responding “k lol”

[vroom-vrooms]

No but like….

Lestappen musician au where they’re neighbors and Charles is a classical pianist and Max is a drummer in a band and Charles drives him crazy playing piano all night long so in return he drives Charles crazy playing drums all day long

So Max is basically falling asleep at practices because he can’t sleep at night because of Charles’ playing and Charles is also falling asleep at practices because he can’t sleep at all during the day because of Max’s playing and neither of them are thinking of logical solutions because obviously the solution is to make it worse and worse every single day until one of them gives in but neither of them want to be the first to confront the other

Do you see the vision?????

[turkeyinnovember]

saw a lot of yt comments abt how Ivan’s always being “abused” and people talking about how they feel bad for him (in older videos?). I don’t know how I feel about that.

until proven otherwise, ill firmly believe that there is genuine care between members. (both lore wise and irl)

[freewayshark]

It really does make me wonder what else has been shot down by Fox. Because buddie is obviously the thing that we’re more able to clearly connect dots on even before Oliver started saying anything about any of it, but you know it’s not the only thing, we just don’t have the threads to pull on for anything else

[foxglove-and-foxfire-lover]

They’re brothers your honour

[daylesspax]

Hehe, more doodles of old traumatized men, with color! Pls ignore my bad grammar when labeling these geezers hehe… 😅 Also still changed around the prompt but generally the same idea

Neither of them are okay

[panicky-pansexual]

I found your flying scotsman doodles and now im curious as to how him n gordon interact 😆

(Is Scotsman going to be a little shit yes or no XD)

Their relationship is complicated (as most Gresley relationships are) but pretty tame!

Most of their interactions in my AU consist of Scott being annoying and Gordon being annoyed

[stuckinapril]

I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc

[saturnvs]

equine therapy starts again today for the first time since … october? nervous 🫠

[livvylubug]

Could Uzi maybe give Cyn a new voicebox so she can speak? Or is the Absolute Solver voice just embedded in Cyn's system?

Unfortunately for everyone, the Voice is permanent, Uzi tried a few times to get rid of it but couldn’t.

Which sucks considering the voice startles both Uzi and V, which is another reason cyn speaks with bubbles.

[mushroominaforest]

Time for some frustrated rambles lol sorry 😅

(Under the cut so anyone who sees this can just scroll past if they don’t want to listen to me yap lmao)

Having a reputation as a whiny crybaby sucks so much 😭 I swear I haven’t complained about being in pain to my parents when it’s not actually that bad since I was like eight, but it’s this whole stupid boy who cried wolf thing and UGH it’s so frustrating!!!

I fractured my arm a few months ago and when I came home and I was like “hey mom my arm rlly hurts I think I did something to it” I just got the usual suck it up it’ll be fine in the morning response, so I was like okay fine, whatever, it isn’t that bad and then like a week later my tennis coach made me get an x-ray and it was fractured lmao

like dude I was walking around with my arm dangling at my side for about six days, pretending that it didn’t hurt and after all that I actually had a valid reason to be in pain??? I didn’t need to steal a bunch of Tylenol and hide the bandage I’d wrapped my arm to try and brace it??? (Look, idk how that works but i could tell something was up and I mean doctors normally put those sort of injuries in casts, right? I tried my best lol) like dude it’s so annoying

You whine about being tired one too many times as a five year old and then suddenly no matter how bruised and swollen your arm is ppl think you’re just making it up for attention it drives me crazy lmao

(Sorry for the frustrated rambles, I’ve just finally found somewhere safe to vent where someone isn’t gonna find it (I hope) and turns out I have a lot more to say then I expected lmao)

[dixonsbrat]

the way my slow writing ass is actually considering writing an entire series of all 11 seasons of twd + daryl dixon bc of how desperately i need this man. it’s insane. he’s not just living in my head rent free, he’s kicking back, retired and has no intention of ever leaving.