#me when the guy who has a penchant for turning kids into vampires turns my kids into vampires:

[kindaorangey]

HELP someone needs to stop me from reading the vampire chronicles plot summaries. what do you mean armand gets marius to babysit for his adopted human children

[jungcity]

bane of the devil. | viii

genre: vampire!jaehyun [angst | fluff | smut]

pairings: jaehyun x female reader

words: 5.9k

warning: bane of the devil deals with themes of deaths, physical, mental, and sexual abuse as well as toxic relationships. which may be upsetting for some readers. you are advised not to continue if you feel uncomfortable to these types of plots.

“she is made of

bruises of the past,

of bullets made from flames.

she could rattle the skies

and shake the stars.

perhaps you have

missed the wolf

underneath her skin.

but she wasn’t made

to cower under your gun.

she wasn’t the hunter,

and she wasn’t the prey.

she is the enemy of the

demons who does

not deserve mercy.”

— bane of the devil, viii

A smiling Rhianon was who greeted you as you shut the door close behind you. With your heart still thundering against your chest by the little display Jaehyun had shown, you sauntered up to your own bed. Your body slightly bouncing by the impact of it on the soft mattress. The room was painted with darkness, with only Rhianon’s lamp providing the light.

“I couldn’t believe it! You really are friends with a vampire? How?” She looked so excited that she seemed to jump. Her glasses caught the glint of the lamp beside her table. Its yellow light touching half of Rhianon’s face.

You smiled shyly towards her, not bothering to light your own lamp. A thick tome rests on her bed, its pages splayed. Similar to the light of the lamp, its pages were also tinge with yellow; a sign that the book had seen better days.

“Yes. It was the most unexpected happening of my life, believe me.” Then a merry yet controlled chuckle escaped your lips. Jaehyun’s unfortunate state in front of your doorstep sinking back in your mind. “What is that?” Veering the conversation from you, you’ve decided to point your finger towards the thick book laying on her bed.

Rhianon followed your finger, until her own eyes landed on the thick tome. She grabbed and placed it on her lap. “Book of Enchantments and Magic,” she pronounced while trailing her fingers over the embossed title. “What a simple title for a powerful book.” Then she puffed a sigh.

Rhianon held the book on its edges, showing you a better view of its golden title. By the light, the cover gave off a crimson color. Dents and scratches could be found on its surface. A further sign that the book is, indeed, old.

“I didn’t know you’re interested in those kinds of books.” You smiled at her. The bookshelf located at the corner of the room must’ve been full of books about enchantments.

“Oh, I am interested. Deeply.” Rhianon ran her hand on the book’s cover, before placing it on her bedside table. “Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been devouring all of these books. I swear, I already have memorized every single one of these pages. That’s why I have poor eyesight.�� She shrugged, pointing her finger at her eyes.

Suddenly, and as if meant to be brought up, you remembered Rhianon’s reason of joining the Academy. She stated it’s because of Madame. The pieces weren’t that hard to put back together. Madame is a witch. Rhianon have a whole bookshelf containing of books about magic and enchantments.

“Are you a witch?” You hadn’t meant the words to come out bluntly, but they had. Rhianon spared you an indecipherable glance. If she ever looked affronted, you would never know. She concealed her reaction to the question quite well.

“No,” she replied rather laconically. Her throat bobbed against the light. A sign that she could be lying. “Just a practitioner,” she added.

Then she carried the book towards her bookshelf, placed it between the other books and came back to her bed. A heavy aura weighed in between you. Instantly, you’ve regretted your blunt question.

“I’m sorry for asking, Rhianon. It’s not my intention to offend you.”

Rhianon blinked. This time, her face had given clear emotions. And that is a look of surprise. “No, Y/N. You’ve not offended me. It’s just that—” She bit her lower lip, before sighing.

“It’s okay! You don’t need to tell me if you aren’t comfortable,” you stated, holding up your hand as if in surrender.

“I joined to become closer to Madame,” she sighed, before laying her whole back on the bed. “I think it’s stupid. But I still believe that she would help me understand magic.” Her gaze drifted towards the ceiling.

The bed invited you to lay down, and lay down you did. “I think it’s not stupid at all. Mortals could possess magic, too.” You turned on your side and smiled at her.

Rhianon returned the smile, her eyes gleaming in the lamplight. “You think so?”

You nodded, the drowsiness pulling you down. Your eyes blinked in a languid manner. “Yes.” A yawn had escaped from your lips, but you fought it to get the question out of your mouth. “You said you joined for Madame. I now understand that it’s because of this. But, has she ever paid you any attention at all? To teach you magic?”

You truly hoped that you had not broached a sensitive topic. But your curiosity had the best of you. If ever Jaehyun’s instinctive doubts of Madame were true, the least you could do was to gather enough informations from students who had been inside this Academy longer than you were.

A flicker of sadness passed through Rhianon’s face as she turned her head towards you. By that, you already know the answer. Nonetheless, her mouth moved. “No. She said I should earn her trust, first. Which is funny, because I’ve been here for two years.”

Two years? That is a long time for someone who only joined this school for Madame’s magical teachings.

You clamped your mouth shut. The best way to earn a useful information is to listen. Specially when the person you were conversing with seemed to combust with all the suppressed words she had kept to herself.

“Two years of letting Eva break my bones. Two years of those leafy and rancid greens at the canteen. The only thing that’s stopping me from running away is the hope that she would, eventually, spare me a glance. And of course, Lucas’ smile.” She giggled like a high-school girl at the end of the sentence.

Of course. Lucas. Who wouldn’t fall for that ethereal face? Those eyes, and those luscious lips like freshly plucked cherries. Yet as you think about the good qualities of Lucas, the image of a dimpled-guy with pale complexion and eyes like the pit of the universe— so enticing, so enigmatic— couldn’t help but flash in your mind like a movie scene. The kiss that the same guy gave your head earlier sending tingling sensation all throughout your body.

“Yes. Lucas’ smile,” you repeated, with Jaehyun’s face etched on the very surface of your mind.

Rhianon started to snore, a sign that your roommate had already fallen into slumber. You whispered a silent good night before closing your eyes and joining her to dreamlands.

—

Red silk gown. Red lips. Red fingernails. Red bottoms. The crimson color seemed to overwhelm Alena’s appearance tonight. Her dark marble floors shone brightly, with the help of the prodigious chandeliers hanging on the roofs of her mansion.

This home. So expansive. So marvelous. Yet so empty. The silence was almost deafening. And Alena had never felt so alone. With a flick of her wrist, a vampire appeared from behind her. Ready to hear her words. Ready to obey.

She could feel her power threading through the most minuscule of her veins as she walked through the long table located at the very center of this separate hall. The vampire silently trailed behind her.

Everything was black; the chairs, the long table, the pillars adorning every corner of the room. Save for the crimson curtains that covers the floor-to-ceiling window panes. She darted her eyes at the chair that resembles that of a throne sitting at the very head of the table. She sat on it like how a queen would. Because in this town, she is.

“Sicheng,” she pronounced the words with enough carnality to make the boy salivate. “Pour me some wine.” And by wine she meant human blood, with a drop of honey to make it much sweeter. After all, not all human blood was as sweet as her taste buds would penchant for. Some were bitter to the taste, some doesn’t even bore any taste at all.

The man— Sicheng— gladly oblige, his lips stretching to reveal a smile. He has been extremely helpful to Alena ever since she turned him. He never once denied her orders. Be it to kill or deliver her fresh human blood, the boy oblige with reverence fit for a vampire leader.

As Alena brought the wine glass against her lips, the blood glinted in the chandelier first. She took a sip, then a moan echoed through her. Human blood is unparalleled. But she knows a particular kind of blood which out rivaled any other blood she’s ever tasted. The blood of her fiancé, Jaehyun.

Alena has lived for almost three-hundred years now. She’s tasted different bloods from sundries of species, hence she’s aware of the certain sweetness and omnipotence commixed with Jaehyun’s blood that made her wanting for more. At first she thought it was his neglect of his vampiric body and soul, yet Alena could still not pinpoint what was special in her fiancé’s blood. One thing that she was certain of, though, was the matchless power it gave her.

Jaehyun’s blood allowed her to walk under the sun unscathed. It repelled her from holy things such as the rosary and the bible. Ever since she started to drink her fiancé’s blood, she could skim through the bible and mock every verse printed on it without her fingers burning. Oh, how forlorn she’s become since Jaehyun begun to play hide-and-seek with her.

Alena’s thoughts were interrupted by the stomping of boots against her marble floors. She gathered her patience to prevent herself from burning whoever it might be. At last, the door opened, revealing Ranus, her favorite party organizer.

“My lady,” he greeted while giving Alena a bow that could almost reach the floors. “You look fantastic as always.” Ranus’ eyes shone in the chandeliers.

Alena raised a brow. Such empty pleasantries. If given the chance, all of the vampires in this useless town would certainly try to kill Alena in a blink of an eye. She wasn’t the leader all of these vacuous vampires expected her to be. Her hands were made of iron and cruelty and blood; one her father and grandfather didn’t have. And now they reside at the Athanar, where all vampires at the age of five hundred and beyond rests, leaving Alena to reign over.

“How is the preparation going on, Ranus?” If Alena’s voice would have a physical form, it surely would be a venomous snake. Born with a vampire venom circulating in her body, Alena made sure to bolster that venom to act as her defense towards those who wishes her dead.

“Smoothly as always, my lady.” Ranus kept his head down, not daring to look Alena in the eyes. To do so would be downright disrespect. One rule Alena wants her vampires to follow; never look her straight in her eyes. They don’t have the power to dare such impudence.

Only Jaehyun could look her in the eyes. And now he’s gone, hiding from her.

Alena pushed away the thoughts by standing up, her hand still holding the glass of blood. Her heels clanked against the floors. With a flick of her wrist, the curtains parted to give her a better view of the world outside. Alena’s forefathers built their mansion at the very edge of a cliff, for they wanted to look down on the people underneath their mansion’s magnificence. Mortals are vital for a vampire’s survival, but they don’t— will never— match the glory that even a fledgling has.

“And the venue?” she asked after taking the last sip of her wine. She would’ve asked for another glass if not for Ranus’ dreadful answer.

“Juana insists the venue to be at her villa, my lady.”

“Is that so?” What a surprise. Juana undermining her decisions.

It was decided that the vampire leader of this town would supervise the incoming gathering of vampires and vampire hunters alike. That means Alena would be the one to decide things, not anyone in those wretched Academy, and specially not Juana. That hag.

“Yes, my lady.”

Alena gripped the wine glass so tight it cracked on her hand. She could feel Ranus’s eyes on her back, his fear clinging onto the air. “Go and remind that witch bitch who’s in charge here.”

“At once, my lady.”

Alena could still feel Ranus’ presence behind her. He was reluctant to say something. “What is it Ranus?”

“My lady… Juana also reminds you of the thirty-fifty ratio of attendees for the gathering.”

“Ah, yes.” The wine glass finally shattered. Its shards jabbing through Alena’s palms, causing blood to flow from her flesh.

Juana insists that the attendees of the incoming gathering would only consist of thirty vampires and fifty hunters. When Alena first heard of the demand, she almost snap a vein in her temple of laughing by the incredulity of it. The witch really believed that she could overpower the vampire with twenty additional hunters.

Tonight, as she heard the same demand, the certain anger meant for the witch ignited once again in her chest. It’s too much of a disrespect for the vampires. But for the sake of everyone’s entertainment, she would agree. It’s better to let the witch thinks she has the upper hand, only to be disappointed in the end. Victory is sweeter when it’s unexpected.

“Tell her I agree.”

“My lady?”

Alena whirled and sauntered up to Ranus. She caressed the vampire’s cheek with the wounded hand that was starting to heal itself, before giving Ranus’ lips a tender kiss. The vampire stilled, his every veins shouting in fear. “You heard me. Now, go, Ranus.” With another light pat on the cheek from Alena, Ranus sprinted away from the vampire leader.

After Ranus’ departure, Alena turned her full attention to the vampire in the shadows. It’s time for the game to continue.

“Sicheng, come here.”

Alena walked back to her throne at the edge of the table. Sicheng was beside her, waiting for the orders.

“Find Jaehyun. He must attend the gathering with me.” At much as the words hurts her throat, Alena needs Jaehyun to escort him to the gathering. All of the vampires in this town knows their relationship. And if they fear Alena with her presence alone, what more when she’s with Jaehyun? The latter doesn’t realize it yet, but the strength he has in his body could overthrow even the elders at the Athanar. Much gratitude to Jaehyun’s stupidity, he doesn’t know about that yet. And Alena had no plans to apprise him of it.

“Yes, my lady.”

“He’s with a girl. If she gets in the way, kill her.”

Alena wasn’t certain if Jaehyun’s imbecility could rival itself. That could only be proven if he decides to choose a mere college girl over a vampire leader.

“I’m at your disposal, my lady.”

She once again flicked her wrist to dismiss Sicheng. He attempted to leave, but Alena’s voice echoed through the hall again, halting the vampire on his tracks.

“Be careful, you might see your mother on your sleuthing.”

Sicheng’s jaw tightened, a further reminder of the hatred he bears for his own mother. He only nodded before he disappeared from Alena’s sight.

Sicheng is the reason why Juana seeks to destroy Alena. Little did she knew, it was her son who crawled his way to Alena’s mansion, begging her to turn him. Until now, Juana believes that Alena turned her son against his will. Alena did what she had to do to save Sicheng, and now the wrath of a witch lays on her shoulders.

A poisonous smile stretched out in her lips. Alena is a god. And no mere witch— no matter how powerful she might be— could destroy her.

—

The uniform exceeded all your agitations. Not only it was uncomfortable, it was also a bit tight for your liking. The secret curves you tried to hide with baggy shirts were now displayed for everyone to see. You felt as if you were sculpted. But you could not be bothered about the uniform, for you were already standing in an open space near the Arena to listen to Eva and Lucas.

Rhianon discussed with you the importance of the Arena on the way to the open space earlier. She said, twice a year, venatrixes and venators compete to showcase their strength at the Arena. It was also directed by the Madame, herself. With few of the vampire hunters helping her hold the event.

“Alright, a pleasant morning to everyone. I hope you’re ready for today’s training.”

Everyone was silent, allowing Eva’s voice to be as clear as possible. You have decided to stand at the very end of the lane with Rhianon. But that doesn’t excuse you of the scrutinizing eyes of both venatrixes and venators alike. They looked at you as if they were already aware of the weakness residing in your bones. However, you held your chin as high as you could muster. You went here for your parents, not to please these students.

“Let us start, shall we?” Eva held her fist high, then she shouted, “Venatrix!”

All of the students around you, including Rhianon, stood rigid and pressed their fist across their chests. “Venatrix: steadfast and loyal!”

The echo of voices deafened you, but you scrambled to put your fist across your chest and shout whatever the motto was. Your tongue knotted together in a hurry to catch up and shout the motto, you could only hope that no one heard you as you tripped on your words.

“We’ve practiced and trained enough strategies in defeating a vampire in a combat. But as we have a new venatrix, we shall recall these strategies from the very beginning,” Lucas stated. His demeanor was more stout and serious than when you were only having a casual conversation with him. He does not carry the spring-like smile in him today, making his face more dangerous. The kind of danger you weren’t conscious someone such as him could possess.

The silent groans broke you out of your reverie. Clearly, the venatrixes weren’t happy about this decision. You could shrink back behind Rhianon, or you could continue to held your chin up high to pretend that their protestations doesn’t affect you at all. You did the latter. Madame needs you, and no degradation could take that advantage away from your hands.

“Y/N, it’s a pleasure. Could you please— stand here?” Lucas’ smile returned as he gestured for you to stand in the frontline. Of course, he could easily spot you with his height.

The line parted for you. Rhianon gave your hand a tight squeeze before you trekked towards Lucas. His smile never faltered as you finally took your place in the front.

Eva gave you a small smile before bellowing instructions again. “Remember your stance. You would hate to forget it. Vampires are swift creatures— but it would be an advantage that you remember how to dig your soles in the ground for more strength.” Eva raised her fist, as if to punch someone. Then she placed her right foot behind the left, her left hand resting in fist at her sides, as if she was about to uppercut someone. “This is the stance of every fighter. Y/N, could you please try it?” Eva invited you with her hand stretched out.

You gulped and did as you were told. Lucas raised your fist, while Eva nudged your left foot to separate your feet further. Her action almost made you lose your footing, but she was quick to catch your arm. Silent laughters could be heard from the throng of students, heightening your agitation. Your eyes frantically searched for Rhianon’s face in the crowd, but to no avail.

“Quiet!” Lucas shouted. At once, the laughters stopped.

“Your muscles are tensed, Y/N. Try to relax them at the point of comfort,” Eva whispered. “Make them strong but not too rigid.”

Having no idea of how to do her orders, you furrowed your brows. With that, Lucas chuckled. But your eyes caught up on the frown that was etched across Eva’s features. As your eyes met, she smiled.

“I think it’s best if we dismiss the venatrixes today? Send them to the armory to practice weapons?” Eva turned her attention to Lucas. The boy blinked but nodded his head.

“Alright, all of you, go to the armory and practice your preferred weapons,” Lucas pronounced. All of them nodded their heads before the crowd dissipated, leaving only you to Lucas’ and Eva’s graces. Rhianon gave you a small wave before following the students. You only nodded your head, for Eva’s grip on your arm didn’t allow you to wave back to your friend.

“Focus, Y/N. You need to catch up.” There was an edge to Eva’s voice now. As if the five-minutes of teaching had already drove her impatient.

“Show us your strength, Y/N. Try to punch my palms.” Lucas held up both his palms for you to attack.

Then you started to punch. Lucas held them firm. You continued to attack him with your punches. Beads of perspiration already forming on your forehead, but the black uniform seemed to sponge the sweats from your body. Leaving you feeling grimy.

“Okay, stop.” He smiled. You hunched your back and pressed your palms to your knees, trying to refocus your breathing.

“You have the strength in you, Y/N. Practice is all you need.”

Thanks to your physical education classes about boxing. You had dreaded every session of that class, never realizing that the things you had refused to learn would be useful today.

“Again,” Eva demanded. She held up her own palms, her brows knotted in concentration. You glanced at Lucas. The boy gave you one of his encouraging smiles before tapping your back.

You slightly twisted your arm to land a punch in Eva’s palms. Unlike Lucas, she moved, causing you to miss her hand by a hairsbreadth. You knotted your brows but she only smiled. So you continued to penetrate her, and she continued to move her palms to different positions, rejecting your every hit. Impatience slowly crawled on your skin, intensifying your determination and giving you more strength. Eva’s feet started to move backwards as she tried to defend herself from your attacks. Lucas silently following the both of you.

It was obvious that she’s draining you out of your energy, and perhaps she’s trying to ridicule you. A smirk was displayed across her face, widening as you mishit her palms yet again.

You fought the urge to punch her face instead. Restlessness would lead you to nothing but more troubles. You only need to hit and hit and—

Suddenly, the world seemed to whirl in different colors. The only thing you felt was the hard collision of your breaches against the hard ground, followed by the fall of your whole upper body. Red spots swam in your vision as you struggled on your feet. Albeit regaining your footing, the world continued to move around you. Firms hands held you in place, steadying you.

“Why did you do that?” Lucas asked.

It took you minutes to realize that he was asking Eva.

“We need to advance her training.” She shrugged.

You blinked a few times. When the swirling of your vision finally halted, you wiped the dust off your palms and off your uniform.

“Oh, yes? You didn’t need to punch her nose, Eva!”

Eva’s mouth was formed in a thin line. She placed her arms across her chest, her foot tapping on the ground.

“It’s okay, Lucas.” You held up your hand. No, it was not okay. You wanted to attack Eva again to regain your pride. Of all the body parts she could hit, she really decided to punch your nose instead? You waited for blood to flow from your nostrils. Thankfully, after touching the skin below your nose several times, the only liquid you could feel was your sweat.

“Do you need to go to the clinic?” Eva asked, her voice devoid of the warmth she once gave you yesterday.

Clinic, again? The offer was enticing. All you wanted to do was to go back on the bed and sleep. But to do so would mean another weakness. You refused to dwell to that same feeling again. So you shook your head.

“No.”

For hours, Lucas instructed you with different techniques. Eva dismissed herself, saying that she would look over how the venatrixes were faring with their weapons. Having Eva away gave you a little peace of mind. Lucas was gentler and more focused on magnifying your strength. He would only laugh and teach you the right ways every time you tripped over.

After hours of training, he told you to rest. Now you’re alone in the open area under the tree, munching your food.

“How’s your training?”

Your food went flying from the spoon as Jaehyun sat beside you. “Don’t startle me like that!” You pitifully looked at the food on the ground, dirt had already coated it. “Why are you here?” You snapped your head at him.

Jaehyun’s smirk faltered as he took in the condition of your face. You raised a brow. He held your chin, his face not giving away any emotions. Then he deadpanned, “Who did that to you?”

Automatically, you covered your nose with your hands, the spoon you were holding went flying to the ground as well. “Accident.” How did he manage to see the injury? You were certain that your nose still had the red tinge from yesterday’s brawl. Jaehyun shouldn’t be able to spot that you have yet obtained another fresh injury.

“Accident? On your first day of training?”

You nodded. “Yeah, earlier.”

“Then you’re dumber than I thought.”

With that, you landed a punch to his arm. His nose scrunched up as if he was in pain. “I know you weren’t hurt.” You rolled your eyes. It’s better if he doesn’t know who injured you on your first day. Eva almightily stared him down yesterday. And you know the scene didn’t settle right on Jaehyun. Best not to reveal everything to him.

“Why are you alone?”

“Lucas told me he’s going to check up on Eva and the others. You? Why are you out here in the sunlight?”  

Jaehyun leaned on the tree. “I was bored.”

“Bored? So you decided to risk your life out here in the open?”

“I can handle myself.” Then he reached his hands towards the little sunlight that had succeeded to infiltrate through the lush of the leaves.

“Jaehyun!” You tried to swat his hands away.

“Relax,” he assured you before continuing on his doing. Then it started. As the sunlight proceeded to touch Jaehyun’s skin, his flesh emitted thin layers of smoke. Faint smell of burning flesh mixed with the fresh air. You covered your nose from the stench.

“Stop that!” You wrenched his hands away from the ray of light. This time, he didn’t budge.

The back of Jaehyun’s hands continued to sizzle, but the smell was fleeting. Pinkish flesh could be seen from his scorched skin. He opened and closed his hands, as if to stretch the skin. Then the skin started to stitch itself back together until no trace of burned flesh could be seen.

“I do that some times to remind myself I’m still half-alive.”

Your eyes could not turn away from his hands. Vampires could heal themselves faster than any mortal devices could. But to witness it on your own, it still brought an unnerving feeling to settle in your bones.

“That’s…”

“Awesome?” Jaehyun raised a brow. Then he stood up, offering his hand to you. “Get up, I’ll teach you how to defend yourself better than Lucas.”

“I would say that was scary,” you teased before holding his hand to prop yourself. “Teach me your ways, your majesty.” You mockingly curtsied, earning a soft laugh from him.

“What did they teach you?”

You did Eva’s instruction from earlier. You raised your fist, the other resting on your sides. Then you stepped your one foot forward, the other digging in the ground. “This. And then Lucas taught me the correct ways to punch.”

Jaehyun pursed his lips to repressed a laugh. “Ten seconds in the battle and you’re dead.” Then he sauntered up beside you, “These are all useless. When you come face to face with a vampire, these postures won’t help you. You must study your opponent— and you could only do that if you let the vampire attack first.”  Jaehyun backwardly stepped away from you. His fingers moving, as if challenging you to a battle. “For this practice, I won’t use my swiftness,” he stated before running towards you as if to attack.

Your heart thudded in your chest. He looked ready to hurt you. So you did the one thing you could do then, you covered your head with your arms.

“Dead,” Jaehyun muttered. You waited for the impact, but none came. So you opened your eyes. His hand were splayed, inches away from your suit. “Don’t cower, Y/N. Study my attacks.”

“You’re scary,” you whispered, embarrassed to admit the words.

“I am deadly attractive, Y/N. And you say you’re scared of me. What more if you come to battle with an unattractive vampire?”

With that, you raised a brow. Vampire venom does a lot of things. If you weren’t generally attractive in your mortal life, the venom could enhance your features, sculpting your visage to that of a pleasing one once you turn into a vampire. Jaehyun must have been extremely agreeable when he was still a mortal, for his face today could rival the beauty of gods.

You shook your head, aiming for your focus. “Let’s try again.” Eva’s instructions flew away from your memory as Jaehyun attacked you yet again. He was swift, even without his power.

“Dead.” He smiled when he captured your neck. His hands once again splayed as if to chop your head off your body.

You sighed but never hesitated, so you defended yourself again and again.

“Dead,” he chuckled.

“Dead.”

“You’re dead, Y/N.”

You wiped your brow with the back of your hand, “This is frustrating!”

“C’mon! Don’t give up. Pay attention to my attacks.”

Jaehyun strike at the side of your waist, but you defended yourself by turning to avoid his hands. Then he attacked your head, you crouched as fast as you could. His knee was about to collide with your face when you pushed it away with your palms. You wheeled your body away, and attempted to punch him right in his face, where he was defenseless. But as your fist was about to strike at his cheek, he turned on his side and caught your arm. His smirk returned as he saw the realization dawning across your face.

Jaehyun’s left hand caught yours, then he pinned it behind you. While his other hand held your right. You were now immovable. Defeated.

“Dead,” he whispered, his breath fanning your cheek.

One swift move and your lips would surely collide. All your muscles stilled, the somersaulting of your heart was so loud. You fought the urge to crash your lips against his, even though it was so tempting to do so. Jaehyun has a fiancée. But the words weren’t enough to move your body away from him. It was ludicrous.

Jaehyun closed the space between the two of you, but before he could land his lips against yours, someone interrupted the both of you. His lips landed on the side of your head instead when you pulled away from him.

Lucas and Eva came into view. With the latter plastering a deep frown across her face. She was obviously unhappy of what she saw. Yet you could not be bothered by her reaction.

“I see that you’re practicing another techniques, Y/N.” Eva smiled, but there was no friendliness attached to her face.

What’s happening to her? Yesterday, she was so enthusiastic. Friendly, even.

“What do you mean?” You dared ask as you straightened your back.

Eva raised her brow, “Seduction is a weapon not all girls could wield. I admire your technique.”

“Eva–!” Lucas grabbed her arm, but she held her chin high.

Seduction? Does your position screamed seduction to her? You won’t admit it, but her words jabbed a shard on your chest. You don’t need to seduce your way to triumph.

“Eva.”

The three of you snapped your head to Jaehyun. He was standing beside you, his hands hidden in the pocket of his jeans.

“Eva, right?” When Eva nodded, Jaehyun continued, “You’re not my type.”

“Excuse me?!” Eva’s eyes widened. Lucas pursed his lips tighter. While you remained standing beside Jaehyun.

“I can hear your heart, you know. Do you want me to narrate the things that’s going on in your head? Of how you dreamt about me— even though you’ve only met me yesterday?” Jaehyun’s words were as flat as the ground underneath your feet.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She half-screamed. But you didn’t miss the bobbing of her throat nor the perspiration slowly coating her forehead. Now, you are absolutely curious about her dreams even though knowing means breaching her privacy.

“You do. And quit bitching around. You’re supposed to train Y/N, not humiliate her.”

“He’s right, Eva.” Lucas chimed in.

Eva snapped her head towards him. “Shut up!” she seethed. Then she turned her head back to Jaehyun, her eyes like fiery coals. “And you shut up, vampire.”

When Jaehyun attempted to reiterate, you held up your hand. Whatever secret he has in the back of his tongue, you won’t hear it. It would humiliate Eva further. And you didn’t want that.

“You are weak, Y/N. Weaker than what I have anticipated.”

Lucas held her arm tighter, pulling her away from you. “Shut up, Eva!”

Ice cold rage swept through your whole body. You furrowed your brows and sauntered up to face her. “What did you say?” Every last bit of patience you have for her is now clinging on a loose thread. One wrong word and you would certainly land your fist right in her face— to hell with the ramifications.

“Y/N, she didn’t mean it—”

“Oh, I meant it! I meant every word of it! You are weak and you will never be one of—”

Your palm smarted from the slap you gave her. But that wasn’t enough for the insult she’d thrown at you. You gathered a fistful of her hair and threw her to the ground. However, she regained her footing easily and landed a straight blow to your face. You staggered backward, but Jaehyun supported you upright.

“Remember what I told you,” he whispered before letting you go.

Eva ran towards you, her hands formed into fists. You raised your arms to cover your head, and you let her punch every opening to your body. Lucas attempted to pull Eva away, but Jaehyun clasped his hand around Lucas’ wrist. He mouthed ‘let them’ before nodding at you.

“You bitch!” Eva snarled.

Where did her hateful energy come from? Nevertheless, you’ve decided not to be affected. You struggled to memorize her every strike for your own advantage. And when you did succeed, an opening through her face greeted you. You landed your fist to her nose. The bones made a cracking sound, sending satisfaction all throughout your body. Eva fell on the ground. Before she could stand up, you sat on her stomach and raised your fist, ready to punch her again. But a viselike grip took hold of your wrist.

“Enough,” Jaehyun said.

You tried to catch your breath and calm your nerves. Eva still underneath you, clutching her nose. What have you done? You blinked and allowed Jaehyun to help you on your feet. Lucas aided Eva to stand up. The whole area was silent, save for your heavy breathings.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Lucas frowned, before guiding Eva away. But the woman refused to be guided by Lucas. She looked at you as if she wishes you dead.

“We’re not done, Y/N,” she warned.

A sarcastic laugh reverberated through you, “Alright, then.” Then you pinned her down with stare, “But know this, Eva, don’t you dare underestimate me again.”

[lokislytherin]

euphoria // vampire!jungkook

pairing: vampire!jeon jeongguk x human!reader summary: you’re scared of vampires - until one saves your life one night. word count: 1988 + 1808 + 2373 + 1798 + 

chapters: prologue / chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / epilogue

Seokjin takes a deep breath.  "Y/N," he says, his voice icy cold, "just what exactly is going on?" The phone in his hands morphs into a medieval sword, the blade gleaming pink just like his phone case.  You're too busy gawking to respond.  Seokjin just performed an act of magic in front of you! Your roommate is a witch!

And then it finally sinks in - your roommate is a witch.

You've been sharing an apartment with a witch for well over a year, and you've only just found out.

Jeongguk frantically works to detach himself from you, wanting to wipe the blood on his mouth with a sleeve until he realizes his sleeves are also covered in blood.  He settles for licking most of it away, but there's still a drop of blood on his chin.  "I can explain-"

Seokjin glowers down at Jeongguk.  His glare is absolutely frigid, and if your cheeks were hot before, whatever heat there was is now gone.  "Is your name Y/N?"

"No," mumbles Jeongguk like a chastised child.

Angry Seokjin does tend to have this kind of effect on people.

"Yeah, I didn't think so either," the witch grumbles with a scowl.

He turns to you, and you wince in preparation for what's to come.  He attacks you with a barrage of questions.  "Y/N, how long have you been harboring this vampire? What made you think it was okay to associate yourself with him? Why did you let him suck your blood like that? He could've killed you, don't you realize that?" He sighs, squeezing the bridge of his nose.  "See, this is exactly why I strengthened the wards.  I knew there was a bloodsucker that kept hanging around this place, but goddammit, Y/N, you were the one who kept letting him in!" He sounds frustrated, almost disappointed in you.

"He's my friend," you retort hotly, "he saved my life! Remember when I got home really late one night a month ago? That's because I almost got molested by some creepy old dude, and he helped me! He needed help just now, and what was I to do, push him away? He was dying!"

Seokjin sniffs haughtily.  "He doesn't look that dead to me.  Besides, he's a vampire.  He's already dead."

Jeongguk raises a hand.  "Technically, I'm undead? My heart doesn't beat, but I still need to eat and breathe and poop and everything," he adds in an attempt to be helpful, only to be met with a small sneer from Seokjin.  Neither of you are willing to back down.'

"You never told me you were a witch either," you say bitterly.  "You know who I had to hear that from?" You poke Jeongguk's arm.  "Him.  Do you think it's okay for you to keep your secrets from me but not for me to keep mine from you? Why do you even care how I live my life?"

Seokjin groans.  "I'm trying to keep you safe, Y/N! You're my friend, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you!"

"I'm almost eighteen, Jin! I'm old enough to fend for myself and deal with my own crap!" You're almost yelling at him, and you would've felt guilty if you weren't so angry.

Jeongguk's eyes go wide.  "Wait, Jin? Like Kim Seokjin Jin?"

doesn't look angry anymore, just plain tired.  "Am I supposed to know y-"

He squints.  "Jeon Jeongguk? Is that you?" He fumbles around for his glasses, only to realize he'd left them in his room.  

Jeongguk looks delighted.  "Yeah, that's me!" You can't help but feel a little out of place.  "You remember me?"

You shake your head.  This has been one of the most chaotic nights you have ever witnessed in your whole life, and you've had a lot of sleepovers with chaotic friends.  "What is going on?"

Jeongguk smiles shyly.  "Seokjin is a friend of mine, actually.  Or was.  I haven't seen him in person for a really long time."

Seokjin ruffles his hair playfully.  "You've grown so much, I almost didn't recognize you! I'm still taller, and you look exactly the same as you were when we were kids." He turns to you.  "I used to be neighbors with this brat," he says, "he and Tae were the most annoying squirts ever, but we moved to another district." He turns back to Jeongguk.  "If it makes you feel any better, he cried on the first night because you weren't there."

Jeongguk pouts, and your heart flutters.  "Aw, I hate it when he cries." He stands up, pouting some more when he confirms for himself that Jin is in fact taller.  He really is cute when he pouts.

“What happened to you?” Seokjin asks curiously.  “How’d you-” he waves his arms around, “-get turned?”

You turn to the young vampire, equally curious.  Every time you've brought up the subject in the past, he'd started to look shifty, evading your questions before changing the subject entirely.  You're interested to see how Seokjin fares.

Jeongguk starts to fidget, trying to use the same tactics to dodge the older man's question.  "It's kind of a long story-"

"It’s two AM," you pipe in, “you’ve actually got a few hours before daylight if that affects you. Besides, I don’t think I could sleep."

Jeongguk sighs, somehow managing to look beautiful and sad at the same time, like some kind of tragic pensive prince from a fairy-tale.  "Are you sure you want to hear?"

You nod reassuringly.  "It's okay, Jeonggukkie, you can tell me anything." You're not sure where the nickname came from, but it's cute and it fits him, so you continue.  "Besides, we had a bonding session! I cradled you in my arms!" You're not lying - Jeongguk had almost died in them too.  Well, died a little more than he already had, that is.

Jeongguk grins, the tip of his lips quirking up teasingly.  “Now, why can’t I seem to recall that? Surely I’d remember a pretty girl cradling me in her arms?”

This elicits a fierce blush from you, and you whack him in your attempt to cover it.  “Because you were unconscious, you idiot! You blacked out on me! You almost gave me a heart attack; did you know that?”

The vampire laughs, draping an arm around your shoulders.  “At least I’m your idiot.”

Seokjin doesn’t even bother to mask his discomfort, wrinkling his nose in what you can only class as mild disgust.  “That was so cheesy, JK.  Stop flirting with Y/N and explain.”

You laugh at his haughty expression.  "Maybe you're just jealous that you're almost thirty and still single." As much as you love him and support his relationships, making fun of his lack of relationships is much more fun.

"I'm being bullied," Seokjin mutters under his breath with a petulant scowl.  "Anyway, Jeongguk, please tell us your story.  We're all dying to know." Jeongguk raises an eyebrow.  "You know me, Jeongguk.  I'm not going to tell you the pun wasn't intended."

You snort, already well accustomed to your roommate’s badly timed dad jokes.  One of your friends from school also has quite the penchant for puns, and you’re not sure if facing her jokes are better or worse.  Allowing them to meet would be a disaster in the making.

"Anyway, Jeongguk, you can tell us.  If the vampire who turned you is dangerous and tries to attack you again for whatever reason, I'd protect you," you tell him earnestly.  "I don't have magic or super strength or good night vision, but I still learned to kick-box.  I punched a pervert in the face.  I'm not useless."

The vampire smirks, flexing.  You kind of wish he would strangle you with his thick, muscled thighs.  "Shouldn't I be the one protecting you? I'm the hot undead guy, you're the pretty damsel in distress, and clearly, Jin is the comic relief friend who's probably going to die first.  Besides, I rescued you from that pervert when he started chasing you." "You killed him because you were thirsty," you retort.

"What can I say?" Jeongguk has the decency to look sheepish.  "I'm not me when I'm hungry.  It's a vampire thing."

Seokjin points his phone-sword at Jeongguk threateningly.  "One more insult, brat, and you'll live the rest of your days as a disgusting undead spider instead.  I'm a witch, I'm legally allowed to do that."

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow.  "Last time I checked, transformation of objects wasn't your affinity."

Seokjin turns red, almost purple.  "I've gotten better at it, though.  I can and I will turn you into a spider that I can squish under my foot."

He turns his sword into a magic staff instead, and Jeongguk makes an "eep" sound when Jin pretends to form an incantation.  "Don't turn me into a spider," he says, "I like this human form."

"I like this form too," you say, subconsciously snuggling closer to his biceps, "I don't want you to turn into a spider."

You're a thirsty hoe, Jin mouths at you.  You can't deny it.

"I'd be the best looking spider you've ever seen," Jeongguk says seriously.  "Better than Jin."

Jin splutters, too well accustomed to being dubbed the 'handsome one' to hear Jeongguk saying "I'd be a better looking spider than you".  "Hey! JK!"

"I have arachnophobia," you deadpan.  "If you turned into a spider I'd scream and run away."

Jeongguk pouts.  "Aw."

"Anyway, story or spider, JK," says Jin menacingly.  His expression isn't very scary, but Jeongguk still gulps, well aware of the threat.  Jin will bark and bite in equal measures.  "Stop stalling."

Jeongguk scowls and makes a face.  "I'm getting to it, you impatient hag."

Jin cracks the staff down on Jeongguk's head, hard enough to hurt but not enough to injure.  "Don't call me a hag, you brat!"

Jeongguk whimpers, clutching his head and leaning towards you.  "Jin's a big meanie."

You laugh at their brotherly squabbling, petting the vampire's head absentmindedly (if you'd told your past self you'd be petting a vampire's head, your past self would've never believed it).  "We can kick him out later," you say, "but for now, let's listen to you, yeah?"

He nods.

[randomisthefandom]

a list of my favorite funny shadowhunter chronicles quotes:

it’s the mortal cup jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

“how was the seelie queen?” “same as usual.” “raging bitch, then?” “pretty much”

no, i’m a very naughty boy. i do all sorts of bad things. i kick kittens. i make rude gestures at nuns.

“what’s this?” “it’s a girl, alec. your sister isabelle is one.”

the clave has the collective intelligence of a pineapple.

i thought i’d lie on the floor and writhe in pain for awhile. it relaxes me.

that’s simon lewis, and he is my boyfriend. so if any of you think about trying to hurt him because he's a mundie or--may the angel have mercy on your soul--pursuing him romantically, i will come after you, i will hunt you down and i will crush you to powder.

i was going to watch project runway. it’s on next

never trust a duck.

nobody calls me ‘blondie’ and keeps their kneecaps.

meanwhile, i wanted to tell you that lately i’ve been cross-dressing. also, i’m sleeping with your mom. i thought you should know.

speaking of hope, did you see that shot alec got off with his bow? that’s my boyfriend.

i think she asked if she could touch my mango.

i was alive when the dead sea was just a lake that was feeling rather poorly.

usually i’m remarkably good natured. try me on a day that doesn’t end in y.

a warlock who looks like a gay sonic the hedge hog and dresses like the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang.

hot faerie threesome. i can say i knew you when.

i’m pure at heart. it repels the dirt.

“and i don't know how to be smooth, sexy vampire simon for you, either!" “you were never that smooth, simon.”

not necessarily. i turn myself down occasionally just to keep it interesting.

it isn’t against the law to be an idiot.

first candy and flowers, then the apology letters, then the ravenous demon hoards- all in one day.

demon pox, oh demon pox. just how is it acquired? one must go down to the bad part of town until one is very tired. demon pox, oh demon pox, i had it all along—not the pox, you foolish blocks, i mean this very song— for i was right, and you were wrong!

"a...lord montgomery? you dated a member of the nobility? how am I ever going to compete with that?" "you’re lord montgomery, simon!”

“‘will. do you care more about the plan being enacted or about getting credit for it?” “that. the second one.”

i am a man and men do not consume pink beverages.

oh, i’m sorry. is there a different highway you’d like to die on? because we can arrange that.

the meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited like me.

but he hurt jules, so when we track him down, i am going to chop him up and feed him to my fish. well, i’m going to buy some. i’m going to buy goldfish and feed them blood until they acquire a taste for human flesh.

when i first arrived in london, i so quickly tired of being surrounded by so many people that it was only with great difficulty that i refrained from seizing the next unfortunate who crossed my path and committing violent acts upon their person.

i see you have decided to follow in the long herondale tradition of poor decision-making.

“so you just came here to torture me and talk about yourself?” “oh, simon, simon, simon. you may not remember, but that's kind of our thing.”

i’ve heard the word ‘fear’, i simply choose to believe it doesn’t apply to me.

“i’m trying to figure out how someone could live in a brothel for a month and not notice. you must be terribly dull-witted. if it helps at all, it seemed to be quite a high-class establishment. nicely furnished, fairly clean...” “sounds as if you've visited your fair share of brothels. making a study of them?” “more of a hobby.’”

“jesus!” “actually, it’s just me, although i’ve been told the resemblance is startling.”

nice, bah. he’s gorgeous. you should leave him here. i could hang hats on him and things.

that’s why when major bad asses greet each other in movies, they don’t say anything, they just nod. the nod means ‘I am a badass and I recognize that you, too, are a badass’, but they don’t say anything because they’re wolverine and magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain.

i’m a werewolf not a golden retriever.

i’ll crash the wedding. i’ll jump out of the cake, but not in a sexy way. like, with grenades

did you ever think that in a past life alec was an old woman with ninety cats who was always yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off her lawn? because i do.

“have you got a spider anywhere?” “why would i have a spider? do i look like someone who would collect them?” “no offense, but you kind of do.”

unfortunately, we are all out of bitter revenge at the moment. so it’s either tea or nothing.

“i’m not gay. i’m not straight. i’m not interested.” “your sexuality is ‘not interested’?” “that’s right.”

just kissing? how quickly you dismiss our love.

you had to make a crazy jail friend didn’t you? you couldn’t just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?

just coffee. black like my soul.

magnus did not have enormous respect for the law, but if he was breaking it he wanted to look good doing it.

i don’t want to grow up, i want to be an angst ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.

“magnus, you were trying to flirt with your own plate.” “i’m a very open-minded sort of fellow!” “ragnor is not. when he found out that you were feeding us guinea pigs, he hit you over the head with your plate. it broke.” “so ended our love. ah, well. It would never have worked between me and the plate anyway.”

“when will says 'enterprising', he means 'morally deficient.” “no, I mean enterprising. when i mean morally deficient, i say, ‘now that's something i would have done.’”

never believe the bad guy is dead until you see a body. that just leads to unhappiness and surprise ambushes.

“i promise to charm the dickens out of him. i shall charm him with such force that when i am done, he will be left lying limply on the ground, trying to remember his own name.” “the man's eighty-nine. he may well have the problem anyway.”

i thought: classic jace. never makes a mess when a catastrophe will do.

“that’s not the spirit of the law, emma. remember? ‘the law is hard, but it is the law’” “i thought it was ‘the law is annoying, but it is also flexible.’”

“a little girl robbed you?” “actually she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of six-fingered nigel.”

“goodness. if you keep seeing six-fingered nigel like this, he'll expect you to declare your intentions."

you told us to leave you in the desert, because you planned to start a new life as a cactus.

your pretense does not fool me, gnome. my eye will be upon you.

of course, for a badass warrior, jace is kind of prissy.

good proverb. however, like most proverbs, it sounds wise and yet does not actually clarify anything.

let me just follow up by describing what a big mistake you would be making if you broke up with alec. the lightwoods are seriously hot people. some people say the herondales used to be hot, but think about it-not only do we outnumber them, but we took their last hottie and we made him ours. obviously, we won the victory.

[glittery-pastel-snake]

BTS FLUFF FIC REC Part 1

I thought I might try my hand at these, the fic are sorted by pairing and length, have fun!

Namjoon/Seokjin:

Once in a Lifetime(same as it always was), by Orphan_Account

Summary: As Seokjin struggles to overcome his unrequited crush, he’s shocked to discover that the consequences of his actions have the ability to tear realities apart.

HighSchool AU, Long Distance Relationship, 47K, multichaptered and finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13660338?show_comments=true&view_full_work=true

Charmed, by kaythebest

Summary: "So you’re not going to eat me?" Seokjin asks, just to confirm."Why would I eat you?""Because you’re a dragon," Seokjin says slowly, because it should be obvious, despite Namjoon not looking very dragon-y at all. Namjoon looks unimpressed. "I may be a dragon, but I’m not an animal."

Magic/Fantasy AU, Dragon!Namjoon. 23k, Oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10713981

Metanoia, by Scripturient27

Summery: And then Jin's dragging Namjoon down the hallways, uncaring of the fact that nearly the entire student body has stopped to watch the debacle that's unfolding.  He'll talk to Kim Namjoon on his terms.  The lockers come into view and he comes to a halt, spinning them and slamming Namjoon hard into a locker. He lets out a whimper as his shoulder comes in contact with the metal. Jin cages him in with a hand on each side of his head.  He knows it's unnecessary, but right then he's aiming to reinforce a point to all the bastards watching.  Never fuck with Kim Taehyung.

HighSchool AU, BadBoy Jin, SoftShyNerd Joon. 19K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16056365

Charm Me, by Kingkiwi

Summary: Namjoon, a witch of the earth who sells his wares on the street. Seokjin, the man who makes the best fried squid in town. When these two meet, magic will spark, ducks will be fed, and well, Seokjin literally can't see his food stand anymore.  “Namjoon, you can’t just make Happy Squid invisible. We’ll lose business. And don’t think I don’t know see-me-nots are illegal, because I do.” Namjoon just shrugs. “Hard to get caught if no one can see it.”

Urban Fantasy AU, Witches, Spells and Echantment. 9K, Two Chapter, finished.

It’s Gonna Get You In Trouble, by EquinoxSolistice

Summary: Kim Namjoon knows he's not the most handsome guy out there. It's just guys talking shit about each other, Jin Hyosang is an asshole, and anything that escapes his mouth is complete bullshit. But it's true though. He's awkward, clumsy, and a complete nerd; no one, not even the most desperate person in the world, will notice him. Kim Seokjin is having none of that.

Highschool Au, 6K, Oneshot

Namjoon/Jimin:

Colorful, by Namjoonah

Summary: College AU where Namjoon finally gets some color in his life in the form of a cute little ball of smiles and hair dye.

College AU, Blind Namjoon. 80K, multichaptered, unfinished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6289855

Rest your head on my shoulder, by so_splendiferous

Summary: All Jimin wanted was a hug, but fate gave him something better.It gave him Namjoon.

College AU, Friends to Lovers. 15K, Oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8633539

Complementary Opposites, by sixtieshairdo

Summary: “Go take a train down to Busan and blow Jimin’s socks off with your penchant for romantic gestures. And your pretty mouth. And your coc—”“Oh God, okay, yes I get it, go down there—““Yes, down there.”“Hyung! You know what I mean. But what if he thinks I’m moving too fast? I know he said he’d want to show me around, but what if it’s just literally that? To show me around his campus?”Yoongi’s hand cradled his jaw, face looking utterly bored by his predicament.“Then you do just that. Look around. Then ask him to show you his dorm. Then you get down on your knees and—“Hoseok, thankfully, had the right timing to brightly interrupt.“Ah Yoongi-hyung, don’t you mean get down on one knee?”He groaned at the pouty face Yoongi made at his boyfriend’s words. He was beginning to wonder why he thought Yoongi and Hoseok would be helpful at all.“Hoseokie, Joonie isn’t going to Busan to propose to Jimin. He is going to proposition Jimin.”

College AU, Longish Distance Relationship. 5K, OneShot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7638052

nepenthe, by fatal

Summary: bad days happen, jimin knows that. but some days are so punishing that jimin forgets to be kind to himself.

Domestic AU, 3K, OneShot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4932256

Namjoon/Jungkook:

We’re Cheering For Love, by arysthaeniru

Summary: Namjoo doesn't really know what to make of Jeongmin, her new roommate here, who looks at her with devotion and confusion in her gaze, all at once.

Magic College AU, Girls AU. 8K, OneShot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10734864

Hazelnut Loves Daisy, by themarmelade

Summary: As a daisy fairy, Jungkook is crushed when he can't save one of his flower patches. Namjoon tries to help.

Fairy AU. 4K, Oneshot.

the scent of you, by umji

Summary: He’d had a good time, but at the end of the day Jungkook wanted nothing more than to come back home to his boyfriend.

Beauty Blogger AU. 2K, Two Chapters, finished.

Namjoon/Yoongi:

Starving(And Other Artistic Mediums)

Summary: It became a permanent thing the next year in August. But neither of them knew it was going to become a permanent thing. To them it just looked like a temporary thing. A slightly permanent, temporary thing. Or; Namjoon and Yoongi are both struggling artists, throw a baby into the mix and they're struggling parents as well. Throw love into the mix and they're just struggling.

Artist AU, Parents AU. 28K, 2 Chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9799067/chapters/22004519

The Rest Comes After, by naxariis

Summary: namjoon's girlfriend cheats on him with a guy that turns out to be yoongi's boyfriend. namjoon and yoongi band together to exact revenge.

Fake/Pretend Relationship,Moving on, AU. 17K, 3 Chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11660343

you're my fifth season (look, to me, you're still green), by shortiest

Summary: in which namjoon's dreams are in shades of green- slytherin and mint- and yoongi is an enigma he'll never be able to shake off.and he's not entirely sure he'll ever want to.

Hogwarts AU. 9K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6883888

Baby Pink Skirts and a Bad Attitude, by benibirb

Summary: Namjoon just moved to Seoul with a plan to start school, get a law degree and have a nice normal life.Until he met Min Yoongi who said fuck all that bullshit, wearing a baby pink skirt and a scowl on his face.

School AU, Boo1kshop AU. 9K, oneshot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359971

101 Ways To Put Out A Fire, by infires (infires_man)

Summary: Kim Namjoon is an idiot who sets himself on fire - more than once. Min Yoongi is angry but saves his life anyway - more than once.  Even when he's not supposed to.

College AU, Reaper AU. 6K, oneshot.

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, by signifying_nothing

Summary: a pastel grunge kid and a goth walk into a cafe. like the set-up to every bad joke, ever.

AU, 2K, oneshot.

Namjoon/Hoseok:

don't wanna dance (with anybody but you), by busan_brat

Summary: When Namjoon's life starts resembling one of those stupid teenage movies, he begins to wonder whether he's a damsel in distress or a knight in shining armor. Nothing Hoseok does helps Namjoon figure them out.

AU, Friends to Lovers. 15K, oneshot.

The Monster Under Your Bed, by popliar

Summary: There's a monster under Hoseok's bed and Namjoon has no idea what he's meant to do about it.

Non Famous AU, Roommate/HouseMate AU. 6K, oneshot.

Seokjin/Yoongi:

Little White House, by myadamantiumheart

Summary: Yoongi is a lonely witch who doesn’t quite know he’s lonely, and Jin is a human with far too much curiosity for his own good. The forest brings him to Yoongi’s doorstep, and, unfortunately for Yoongi, Jin refuses to let it take him back. In which Yoongi is far less prickly than he appears, Jin is a human ray of sunshine, Hoseok is frighteningly cheerful for a vampire, Taehyung is actually Puck, Jimin is a Softboy (tm) Druid, Jungkook is misleadingly intimidating, and Namjoon is the clumsiest werewolf the world has ever seen. 

Magic AU. 21K, two chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13834488

Cheer Up, by resonae

Summary: When Yoongi moves into the new apartment, it’s only after the landlady assures him the two kids next door are the ‘sweetest things on the planet’ and ‘definitely won’t be noisy.’ The next day, he meets Seokjin and his two sons Jimin and Taehyung, both of whom are pretending to be dragons and making lots of noise.

Single Parent Jin, Neighbour AU. 13K, multichapter, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6762052

let's cut to the chase, you've got me in a daze, by  finedae            

Summary: "You must be Min Yoongi-ssi. I'm Kim Seokjin, your roommate? We're in the same year, uh so, you don't have to bother with honorif--" "Hyung. Seokjin hyung, this side of the room is mine.""Oka--""And the door or the windows need to be open. At all given times. But I can compromise, you can close the bathroom door when you use it. All my classes are in the afternoon or later so I expect you don't disturb me in the morning, as I need my 11 hours. If two underclassmen by the names Kim Namjoon and Jung Hoseok show up, I'm not here and you don't know them. Communal kitchen is down the hall in the left, the strawberry milk is mine and I prefer the bed facing the windows. If you have any questions, direct them elsewhere. Other than that, make yourself at home or whatever." ______ Kim Seokjin knew dealing with an emotionally stunted cat hybrid for a roommate wouldn't be easy, he was prepared for the abrupt mood swings and the quick dismissals. No amount of sociology textbooks or hybrid guidelines could've quite prepared him for Min Yoongi, though.

Hybrid AU, College AU. 8K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7871215

Hot Springs, by weakforjin

Summary: Yoongi overworks himself and has a breakdown. Bangtan comforts him and Seokjin takes him on a surprise trip to the closest private hot springs for a couple days in an effort help him relax.

Non AU. 8K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10535535

aye, love (you led me to a miracle), by  vppa

Summary: It’s six in the morning and all Yoongi wants is some fucking coffee.(Not to be, not to be assaulted with a possibly illegal stare and a smile that could probably bring dead flowers back to life, god dammit)

Coffee Shop AU. 7K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5528681

Seokjin/Jungkook:

of ginger, strawberries and Serratia marcescens, by Anonymous

Summary: in which jeon jungkook passionately insists that he is straight but ends up with a boyfriend.

Fake/Pretend Relationship, College AU. 41K, two chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8020936

Forever Young: Boy’s Side(Seokjin Walkthrough+ Review), by numberts

Summary: Jeongguk woos Seokjin the only way he knows how: by treating it like an otome game.

College AU, Dating Sim AU. 32K, 2 chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117165

To Be Happy, by missgarnet

Summary: In which Jungkook is in love, Seokjin is Oblivious, and the members are despairing but helpful.

Non AU, OT7 Friendship. 8K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8855764

Floating Blind, by thatofyou

Summary: Not only does Jungkook get a job at the country club, he also gets a huge crush on the restaurant's main chef, Kim Seokjin.

Restaurant AU. 7K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12672246

Can I be your one?, endearings

Summary: “Gukkie? Baby, is that you?”Seokjin’s voice is thick with sleep, his eyes bleary and dark with exhaustion, but still, even at two in the morning, he spares Jeongguk a dimpled smile.Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat. (alternatively: Jeongguk is in love with Seokjin and doesn't know how to tell him)

Non AU, Christmas. 6K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13182618

Seokjin/Taehyung:

and fortune’s still smiling down on me (aren’t we lucky?), by kokorojin

Summary: Kim Taehyung has his selection of first lines for all of his introductory                    speeches:             1. He's a film major.             2. He has ridiculous luck.             3. Kim Seokjin could tell him to win the lottery for him and Taehyung                    would actually, probably, definitely try.

College AU, Actor AU. 21K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517465

Yoongi/Hoseok:

a touch of magic, by umji

Summary: Yoongi liked to think that he was an expert in moving around Hogwarts unnoticed, or as unnoticed as you can be when you belong to one of the darkest wizarding families of the decade.

Hogwarts AU. 8K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6176084

Yoongi/Jimin:

The Boy in the Music Box, by maia_archives

Summary: Yoongi doesn’t really expect anything special when he finds an old music box in his grandmother’s attic and she tells him to keep it. Oh sure, he expects the music box to be a pretty decoration to add to the stale interior of his small apartment. He expects it to play a tune and he might even dare to expect the barely-functioning little ballerina to dance along to the soft chimes, but that's it, really.The last thing he expects is for the little ballerina to take human form at night and throw his life out of balance with radiant smiles, soft giggles, and a heart-wrenching story.

College AU, Kinda Magic AU. 52K, multi, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653141

home is the sea reflected in your eyes, by anyadisee

Summary: Yoongi doesn’t know what he was expecting, exactly, when Taehyung called the day before asking about the pool in his mini-greenhouse, but it certainly wasn’t this.This being opening his door to find Taehyung and Jungkook on his porch, the former with his fist raised mid-knock even though the doorbell is right fucking there, the latter standing a few steps behind him and smiling rather sheepishly while bridal-carrying a mermaid.A goddamn mermaid.It is too early for this, Yoongi decides.

Magic AU, Mermaid Jimin, Warlock Yoongi. 32K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646522

in this blue light, by anyadisee

Summary: For a second, the dragon looks as though it's going to bump its head against Jimin’s palm, giving him the chance to graze his fingers over its glinting scales. But then the second is over, and the dragon snorts instead, warm smoke coming out of its nostrils and blowing Jimin’s hair back. Then it turns around and goes back into its cave, leaving Jimin standing there and feeling like an idiot. Taehyung appears by his shoulder seconds later, whistling lowly. “Well, that didn’t work. No worries though, Jimin! I’m going to find another way to get my necklace back. Sorry for dragging you all the way out here.”Jimin says, “It laughed at me.”Taehyung blinks. “What?”“Taehyung, that dragon bastard laughed at me.”

Magic AU, Dragon Yoongi. 21K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12736797

Boop, by aproffesorstale

Summary: based on a tweet: au where yoongi turns into a kitten when someone boops his nose and jimin accidentally boops his nose.

AU, 20K, multi, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14282838

Winter Blues, by springrain21

Summary: Yoongi is turned into a cat by a sorceress, and novice witch Jimin finds him and takes him home. Fluff and feelings ensue.

Magic AU, Witch Jimin, Turned Cat Yoongi. 15K, 3 Chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12199032

In Deep Waters, by Sharleena

Summary: So. Okay. Yoongi found a mermaid. Inside a fish tank. In an a public aquarium. As if his week couldn't get any weirder.

Magic AU, Warlock Yoongi, Mermaid Jimin. 11K, ooneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12168534

in your eyes (it’s where i wanna be), by bonnia

Summary: Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T.

College AU, Coffee Shop AU, 5K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602608

Yoongi/Taehyung:

Puppy Love, by Bandit4Life

Summary: The puppy was still frantically pulling at the leash and suddenly there was a harsh, demanding voice that left no room for discussion cutting through the air. “Sit.” Taehyung didn’t even think twice about the command, his ass was on the floor before he could even blink. 

College AU, Neighbour AU, Get Together. 13K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13035909

My Demons Follow Me, by paechtae

Summary: Taehyung let out a laugh that bordered on hysterical and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palm.“Okay going with the line of you eat my fucking dreams, which rude you didn’t even ask first, just– why?”  You did ask though.Taehyung didn’t bother with responding this time, busy trying to figure out what exactly the demon was talking about. The demon reached back for the notebook again.   You’re a very loud person when you sleep Kim Taehyung. You should be careful what you say and ask for. Crueller things in this world could have heard you.

Demon AU, Demon Yoongi. 13K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744037

large, extra cheese, extra you, by vminism

Summary: Taehyung starts everything by procrastinating. Even unhealthy crushes on the pizza delivery boy.

College AU. 9K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5225471

the kitchen is an arsonist’s playground, by hoars

Summary: Yoongi might be an arsonist. Taehyung might be in a gang. They are definitely in love.

AU. 5K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4599315

don’t fuck me, hug me, by sugaretreat

Summary: They’ve — he hasn’t told Taehyung about The Thing. They’ve been best friends for years now and he’s never told Taehyung about The Thing because you don’t talk about The Thing. Yoongi doesn’t, at least. “No, Tae, I — I don’t want — I don’t —“  he bites down hard on his tongue, his free hand curling into a fist. Be brave, he thinks. “I don’t want sex.” 

Non Traditional A/B/O, Asexuality. 3K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14534379

Just Hold Me, by Incadence

Summary: This hand holding is for business sake, so they can really all shut the fuck up. If not for Taehyung, Yoongi would probably have long floated away into the crowd and gotten kidnapped or something. So yes, this is one hundred percent for business sake. And the fact that Taehyung’s stupidly warm all the time, and has the prettiest hands have nothing to do with it. 

Non AU. 3K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5753863

Yoongi/Jungkook:

sonatia, by orphan_account

Summery: Sometimes we just need a little repetition to see what's right in front of our eyes.

Time Loop AU, Famous Yoongi. 26K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13762428

my youth is yours, by marienadine

Summary: “What did you say your name was?” says Yoongi, after an eternity of awkward silence.“Jeongguk,” says Jeongguk. “Um. My name is Jeon Jeongguk. I’m a freshman.”“Oh,” says Yoongi. “Fucking hell.”

College AU. 25K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12877818

take me out (we’re going down), by kaythebest

Summary: There are a lot of things that Jungkook expected from his junior year of college. General stress. Student debt. He did not expect to be hit by a car. It’s going well.

Rich Yoongi, Student Jungkook, Sugar Daddy AU, Asexuality. 20K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638657

wings, by notyoongs

Summary: yoongi holds the dragon at arm’s length, staring at it like he’s never seen a dragon in his entire life, and jeongguk giggles again, muffling it with a hand over his mouth because it shouldn’t be funny, but it is.min yoongi, the fearless dragon rider, winner of several championships and owner of the ferocious grimfang—terrified of a dragon that fits in his hand and can’t do anything but make a few noises. yoongi has plenty of scars himself from training accidents, crashes, run ins with dragons that don’t like him. but he can’t hold a baby.“stop laughing at me,” yoongi says finally, sending a glare to jeongguk, who only laughs harder. “it’s—stop it! it’s weird, i don’t like it. it’s so small, how do i know it won’t just like, take a shit in my hand? or try to eat my finger?”

Dragon AU, Fantasy AU. 19K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15428037

If It’s Okay, by caildekook

Summary: “It’s not rude to ask about it, is it?”“Uh, I don’t think so?” Jungkook responded. “I don’t know I’m not really familiar on blind culture yet.”Jungkook’s shoulders tensed for a moment when he heard the man laugh in response to his words. “Blind culture?” He repeated like it was a ridiculous thing to say. “I’d say fuck whatever that is and just answer shit based on how you feel.”“Oh. Right. Cause I’m blind now.” Jungkook mulled over the words and then shrugged. “Well, you saved me the horror of having to throw away my coffee or risk overflowing it with creamer so if it was, I would say we’re even.”

AU, Blind Jungkook, Writer Yoongi. 16K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797248

the garden of eden, by xiajin

Summary: the truth of it all is that yoongi is inexplicably lonely.

Florist AU, Teacher AU. 13K, two chapters, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5935672

wood witchery, by sotflyblue

Summary: The day Jungkook lands in his pond, Yoongi is up a tree trying to persuade the owl there that he does live in the cottage, and no it’s not free to rent, and no he won’t accept acorn husks in payment. Every time he tries to say this, the owl pecks at his wrist and squawks premium interest! premium interest! And Yoongi is losing his sanity.

Magic AU, Witch AU. 7K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14108073

small talks, by licornes

Summary: At first, Jungkook just likes the sound of his voice.

Highschool AU, Blind Jungkook, Underground Rapper Yoongi. 7K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365633

take me out (the date way or the assassination way), by fruitily

Summary: yoongi [7:58] IM READY TO DROP DEAD 

jimin [7:59] relatable

jin [7:59] you say that at least three times a week

namjoon [7:59] is this about the guy you keep running into

tae [8:00] what guy?????? are u keeping tea from me????????

jin [8:01] theres a mysterious hot guy on campus that yoongi keeps running into like a damn romantic drama but every time they meet he ends up nearly killing yoongi

tae [8:01] kinky

College AU. 7K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992675

hey i like you a lot(not clickbait), by fruitily

Summary: “why does yoongi-hyung hate me,” jungkook mumbles.“we’re still on that?” jimin raises his eyebrows. “he doesn’t hate you. he just doesn’t like being in front of a camera.”

Lowkey Try Guys AU, Buzzfeed AU. 8K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15718923

Hoseok/Jungkook

DOES/DOES NOT, by jajungmyeon

Summary: Jeongguk thinks Hoseok likes him. Hoseok thinks Jeongguk does not like him.They are both wrong and get yelled at by Yoongi.

College AU. 20K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783359

stitch me up(you’re so pretty), by jjks

Summary: “Embroidery,” Jeongguk repeats. “I’m gonna join an embroidery class,” his voice trails off a little at the end, losing some of its vigor and quieting down when he realises it’s stupid. So stupid. Even stupider when spoken out loud.

Highschool AU, Embroidery Club AU. 10K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888533

the world is in the palm of your hand so now take a breath and calm down, by fifty-one sunsets

Summary: I can't do this," Jungkook hisses to Jimin, eyes following Hoseok who makes his way to the table.

Hogwarts AU. 5K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826201

Jimin/Taehyung:

so call it magic, by tendershipping(orphan_account)

Summary: “So…” Taehyung says slowly, “You’re trapped in a grimoire… and have to serve whoever owns it.”"I mean," Jimin shrugs, "It's a little more complicated than that."

Magic AU, Witchcraft AU. 16K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15236460

don’t read the last page, but i stay, by jellyfishes

Summary: Jeongguk pulls himself up from the couch with a little crow of happiness. “It’s fine hyung, we’ll use our drunk brains to work out a way to solve this. You’ll keep this apartment, I’m sure of it.” Taehyung feels his mood improving already. “Yeah,” he says, resolutely. “Even if I have to sell my soul to do it.”

Non Famous AU, Demon AU. 15K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14157753

fireflies, by kaythebest

Summary: When Jimin is six, his brother catches a fairy in a jar.

College AU, Fairy AU. 12K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11764281

Crinus Muto, by apocryphalic

Summary: Park Jimin's a sixth-year Prefect, top in his year in nearly all subjects except one: Transfiguration. Help is forced upon him in the form of Kim Taehyung, a fellow sixth-year with the rare gift of being born a metamorphmagus. Jimin's never been fond of Taehyung and when a spell goes awry, he's left to take care of Taehyung. Jimin learns that appearances are rarely what they seem and that quite possibly, he's misjudged Taehyung all along.

Hogwarts AU. 9K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728098

the most beautiful and terrible thing, by kaythebest

Summary: Taehyung doesn't look broken. Jimin doesn't see any rashes or discoloration. He has two arms and legs, no more, no less. He looks roughly like he did the last time Jimin saw him, just a little more awake in the mid-afternoon. It's mildly reassuring.But then Taehyung says, "Jimin, you always smell the best," and Jimin isn't quite sure what to do with that.

Hogwarts AU, Truth Potion. 6K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183147

Jimin/Jungkook:

I’m Not Sorry, by bananacookies

Summary: Jungkook never would've expected a text from a stranger to turn out like this.

Strangers to Lovers, AU. 40K, multi, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7323910

sugar, we’re going down swinging, by aborescent

Summary: The first time Jeon Jungkook meets Park Jimin, the other boy is dissecting what looks like a penis.

BBC Sherlock AU. 10K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6698392

Dragon Star, by jonghyunslisterine

Summary: In which Prince Jungkook tries to save his kingdom and a dying forest all at once (and meets a clever water spirit along the way).

Fantasy AU, Korean Mythology, Prince Jungkook, Water spirit Jimin. 10K oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12307125

doubt thou the stars are fire, by iwillalwaysbelieve

Summary: Jeon Jeongguk's got a Reputation™. Park Jimin learns how to not give a shit about it.

Theater AU, Highschool AU. 9K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6201187

your body is a place to stay by jonghyunslisterine

Summary: In which Jungkook juggles a five-year-old daughter, Jimin the pretty bookstore employee, and coworkers who like to tease him too much.

Tattoo Palour AU, Coffee Shop AU, Bookshop AU, Single Parent AU. 9K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8753545

take a blind shot, by offthebeat

Summary: as a fan, jeongguk has a big enough heart to love every single member of bangtan. apparently, that includes their tiny yet truly terrifying manager, too.

Idols AU, Fans/Fandom AU. 8K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11447133

Touch Starved, by krispy_kream

Summary: How had Jin described it when he was trying to explain it to Jungkook? Touch starved. And what a relief to know it had a name, that it was a real thing and he wasn’t just insane. Now that he isn’t starving it only takes a gentle hand at the small of his back to soothe his anger, an arm thrown around his shoulders to chase away his anxiety. It only takes a bright smile from Jungkook to send the butterflies in his stomach into a frenzy.

Non AU. 5K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11132901

Taehyung/Jungkook:

Call It Magic, by taekover

Summary: The first time Taehyung sneezes, his hair turns purple.

"Shit."

Urban Magic AU, Warlock Taehyung. 10K, multi, finished.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4365956

Paper Hearts, by StellyBish

Summary: Taehyung was at his favorite cafe, which was rather full today.  So he wasn't surprised when someone sat across of him.  What did surprise him though, was that the stranger passed him a note, which said 'Hi :)' Now... that was something new.  So Taehyung did not hesitate and wrote down a message on the piece of paper.  'Hello ^^'

College AU, Coffee Shop AU. 7K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13478496

A Tale Of Two Jackets (and One Avocado), by lotusk

Summary: Dude, you took my jacket by mistake at Club ZuZu     We’ve got the same Hawk & Co bomber jacket. It appears that you accidentally took mine from the couch of Club ZuZu last night, and left yours behind. Mine had my keys, which I clearly need. Yours had an avocado in the pocket, which I’m assuming is equally important. Please contact me asap to arrange for exchange of said items.

AU, Meet Cute. 7K, oneshot. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11410941

Date Me, by flywithtaetae

Summary: Taehyung flirts with the cute high school boy and relishes in the flustered reaction he gets for almost an entire year. But when the following year comes along, he finds himself choking on his own words.

College AU, Coffee Shop AU. 5K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3948544

Breakfast in Bed, by Mirkovska

Summary: Jungkook loves Taehyung. So knowing how exhausted the elder is, he makes him breakfast in bed on one of their free days.

Domestic, Non AU, 1K, oneshot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115585

And with that I would like to conclude the Bts Fluff Fic Rec Part 1. I hope you find something you find appealing. If any help is needed with locating a fic, just send in an ask, same thing if you have something you’d rec for others or think should be included in the next one or the (coming hopefully soon) different genre ones! Have a good time and happy reading!!

[elliepassmore]

Lady Rogue Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, Dracula, supernatural, mysteries The story follows Theo, daughter of a treasure-hunting historian, as she and her father's assistant race across Romania and Bulgaria trying to find him after he goes missing on a find. I will admit, I was expecting the story to go a little differently in terms of Dad-Theo-Huck relations, but the way Bennett has it written works for the story she's telling. I also think the book could be part of a series pretty easily, though I don't believe Bennett has any plans for that at the moment (I also think if it was written only slightly differently it could very easily become one of those series where each book is an 'episode,' but maybe doesn't follow a specific timeline). I thought Theo was a pretty interesting character. She's traveled the world, speaks multiple languages, can break codes, and is something of a supernatural enthusiast. She also has a ridiculous penchant for winding up in trouble and I think I would be satisfied if Bennett gave us a companion novella with a bunch of different Theo-related incidents, no supernatural or anything, just Theo getting into trouble, because holy shit does she get into some interesting situations. I understood her frustration at being left behind in hotels while Huck and her dad did the interesting stuff, but I also thought it was interesting that 1) most of her skills are cerebral, and 2) she doesn't seem to have made a concerted effort to develop skills that are not cerebral...so while I understand why she was upset with the situation, I also think that it was probably smart of her dad to have her do the research and whatnot. I mean, she ended up fairing pretty well once she was out and about, but I also think there are some skills she could stand to pick up if she wants to be in the field more often...like how to use a weapon or rock climbing or any sort of survivalist training. She was good when it came to questioning people though, which seems to be a skill her father lacks, so at least she one-ups him there. Huck was a decent character too; he's adorable in a puppy-kind of way. Since he worked with Fox for so many years, he does have a lot of the skills and know-how associated with treasure hunting and mystery solving. However, I did find his initial naivete when it came to escaping Sarkany a bit weird. He makes up for some of these initial blunders by being good at lock-picking and just generally going along with Theo's mad schemes. I appreciated how he was trying to be the voice of reason for a lot of the book but eventually just said "fuck it" once things started getting too weird. I thought it was good to see a more rational character balance Theo out, but still be someone who got spooked by ghosts and witches and who could turn rational, practical knowledge into things that worked with the occcult. Their relationship is a bit odd, in terms of how things go. It's obvious something happened between them about a year ago, but we don't really figure it out until halfway through the book. Basically, it turns out to be this huge orchestrated misunderstanding and everything turns around and is peachy. I'd be fine with this if all the answers about the misunderstanding were given. Like, for instance, when Theo and Huck are on the Orient Express the first time and Theo reveals Huck didn't respond to any of the letters she'd sent the first few months he was away. In the scene it seems like he's going to say something and decides against it, and I assumed it would come up again, but once the air is cleared neither of them mention the letters again. So...what happened there? Did the letters not arrive because of poor mailing conditions in 1937? Did Huck see the letters and decide not to answer because it hurt too much? Because he was angry? Did his aunt confiscate them? Did he write back but those letters were confiscated by Fox? Did Fox prevent Theo's letters from being sent in the first place? Like...what the hell happened with them and if everything was a misunderstanding, why didn't Huck respond? Some people mention in other reviews that it was kind of weird they were brought up siblings but became romantic but...they were 10/11 when Huck was brought into the household and 16 when things turned romantic, which is 5-6 years, but also is far enough into childhood development that I doubt they really saw each other as brother-sister but more of best friends. And besides, there are plenty of fantasy novels were people actually think they're siblings and are romantic ( Mortal Instruments) or where people actually are siblings and are still romantic ( Game of Thrones) and no one bats much of an eye about that, so I'm not too concerned about Huck and Theo. As for Fox...I'm going to say he's problematic. I get some of where he's coming from, protecting Theo, because his wife died on a treasure hunt, but at the same time there's a difference between protection and abuse. Keeping her in hotel rooms while he hunts treasure? Annoying, but protection. Sending her best friend and lover across the ocean the day after her birthday and giving both kids different reasons for why? Abuse. Same with how he "never apologizes" or how when he's with Huck he only praises Theo but when he's with Theo he only praises Huck. There's definitely some sketchy emotional abuse going on with this guy. I thought his job and his character were fascinating, but he has issues. Also, he brings up another question that was never answered. In one of his journal entries, he says he should've let his friend Jean-Bernard be more a part of Theo's life and he's a coward for not doing so...but why Jean-Bernard should be a bigger part of her life, why he isn't, and why Fox is a coward for making it that way are never addressed. Is Jean-Bernard her real father? Is he her mother's half-brother? Does he just think he would be a good influence on her? The side characters were excellent as well and created far fewer questions than Huck or Fox. Lovena was my favorite of them, though she did give off some weird vibes at first. She has a pretty traditional witchy vibe about her that's fun to read. I would've liked to see more of her in the book, as she's a pretty minor character even though she plays an integral role. The Zissu Brothers were also fun to read. They reminded me a lot of the chimera in Daughter of Smoke and Bone, but they were also a bit reminisce of the talking animals in Narnia in Prince Casper in the sense that they're powerful but very concerned about surviving in a hostile world to the point where they're more interested in hanging back and letting things play out to avoid being caught in the crossfire. Outside of the characters, I really enjoyed the supernatural aspects of the story. I just read Dracula in the spring, so it was nice to actually know some of the references being made about the fictional account, though you definitely don't need to have read the other book to enjoy this one. Likewise, I'm a fan of history, so I liked seeing all the different historical fact about Vlad III and Romania. Back to the supernatural stuff, I thought it was good how Bennett included the mythos and stories of different creatures in the book, and I also thought it was refreshing to see a different side to the vampire/strigoi and werewolf/wolf people dynamic that's usually in paranormal books. All the components of Dracula + history + supernatural make for a right creepy book and I really loved the spook-factor, which was fantastic because that was the one thing I was wary about coming into the book. I'm not a fan of horror and even reading Dracula earlier this year gave me the creeps even though it's not too terribly scary, so the horror factor was definitely on my mind going into the book. I think if you're not a fan of scary things, this book should work fine. If you're a fan, it should also work fine so long as you're ready for more 'creepy' and 'spooky' than 'scary'. I will note that, despite the book taking place in 1937, no one talks like it's 1937. I noticed something was off about the dialogue while I was reading but couldn't quite put my finger on what it was until I read another review that mentioned the characters all speak with relatively contemporary inflections and vocabularies. I don't really think it's that big of an issue, like I said, I noticed something was up with the dialogue but it didn't impact my reading experience and it was pretty easy to gloss over, but it's something to think about. It's definitely a good book and I would recommend reading it. There's a good balance between mystery and creepy, with some light fluffy stuff thrown in to build up relationships and whatnot. Fox is definitely a problematic favorite and I'm not 100% sure how I feel about Theo and Huck staying to put up with his shit, but Bennett did leave the book with Fox changing a little, so I don't know how things would play out in a sequel, but be warned about Fox going in. While there is Dracula inspiration behind this I think there's more of a focus on Vlad the Impaler, the supposed historical inspiration of the famous vampire and Romanian folklore and history. I think this could very easily turn into a YA paranormal version of Nancy Drew or something, but as of right now I don't think Bennett is going down that path, so oh well. As a final note, despite the Goodreads synopsis calling this "The Last Magician meets A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue," there isn't any queer romance in this (I did read between the lines a bit w/ Fox and Jean-Bernard, but that's some very light subtext and could just entirely be me), so if you're reading this because of that, you're definitely going to be disappointed.

[moviegroovies]

oh my go d i swore to myself i would stop until at least tomorrow with the headcanons but now that i’ve opened up the floodgates they just keep coming so here we go, part 2!!!!

out of all the lost boys (other than michael, obviously), paul is the one who would get along the best with sam, if the vampires and the emersons ever figure out how to make peace with one another. in fact, they have pretty similar interests; paul’s into mtv, too, and he hangs around stores with tvs all night trying to catch a glimpse of it, probably running into sam once in a while without even noticing when sam’s out doing the same. plus, he’d never admit it, but he thinks sam’s clothes are pretty cool...

not that he’d give up his rocker style for it

or that david would LET him ruin the group’s aesthetic by giving up his rocker style for it dshgfdhg

in general paul’s pretty good with kids, but in like a “fun uncle” way. he’s DEFINITELY not suited to be a child’s main caretaker, but he likes things they like, so he’d be good at having fun with them: taking them out for ice cream or the arcade, palling around, that kind of thing. he’s probably the kind of guy who dares kids to do dangerous shit without ever considering whether or not they’ll, you know, be okay.

dwayne on the other hand is intensely cognizant of that stuff, to the point of anxiety; even if he doesn’t actually stop the goings on he’s just Super Aware it’s happening and he won’t relax until the kid’s feet are on the fucking ground, thank you. 

which isn’t to say that kids don’t think dwayne is fun. really, all of the lost boys (including star) are more suited to be fun uncles + aunt (or more accurately, fun older sibling types) than actual parents. the whole group is mostly about having good times forever, so it’s not like them to get bogged down in responsibility and adult stuff. that’s not on their radar. 

marko and paul goof around together a lot. you know how i said paul would unthinkingly dare human children to do dangerous stuff? IMAGINE the kind of shit he tries to get an invulnerable immortal to do. half the time they spend with each other is just spent trying to think of increasingly awful things to wish on the other until one of them finally backs down from a dare, which can take weeks.

other people can get dragged into these battles; dwayne is the most frequent victim until michael shows up and does so many dumbass things because he doesn’t quite realize he’s being hazed. 

david HATES it

he thinks they’re all being dumb and immature as hell, but at the same time, he’s no more mature than they are, no matter how much he likes to act it. if one of them goes “i triple dog dare you,” he’s going to hold out for about three seconds before his pride gets the better of him and oops, there he goes, off to do the stupid thing

michael figures this out about him fairly quickly, and one such dare is the way he finally gets his revenge for getting tricked into giving up his mortality and that whole incident with the train on the bridge

one fought shark and two weeks of watching david regrow partially missing limbs later, nobody fucks with michael anymore. go figure.

ok honestly i have even less to go on with jasper than i do for the rest of the lost boys, which is already fairly sparse, but i want to think about him so I Am.

based on the lost boys: the beginning script (what little there is of him in it, honestly--he’s definitely got the least lines, never mind that he isn’t even in the real movie), my characterization of him would revolve around him being a bit of a dandy. kind of thinks of himself as a gentleman thief, the montparnasse of the group, if you get what i’m saying. he’s not actually all that slick (never mind the bad poetry he writes), but he tries to dress a little better than the others, and they let him think he’s a wine connoisseur when they really suspect he’s just teetering on alcoholism. 

underneath the prettyboy poet thing, he has the capacity to be kind of nasty if the opportunity presents itself (on the sliding scale of control to bloodthirst from my last post, i’d put him below dwayne but above marko, making him semi-controlled, but still liable to go vicious on a hunt), but when he was human, he mostly preferred to run from fights rather than fight them--he was the fastest of the group (after his death, david briefly took that place, until star showed up), and had the best hands for pickpocketing.

he’s also a little bit of a dork underneath it all. when he’s had a little too much to drink he’s liable to gush about his affection for his friends, or a stranger, or anyone who gets within gushing distance. everybody gave him a hard time about it, but once he’s gone, they secretly feel like they should have appreciated it more when he was around.

on the other hand, he could be somewhat prone to bouts of melancholy. 

dwayne said Gay Rights. 

when jasper was alive, the two of them were the closest, having a pretty steady (though not entirely monogamous) relationship over the course of about a year of their human lives and around three or four solid decades of vampirism. the other guys knew, naturally, but apart from some mild teasing, they mostly just let it be. it’s not like any of them are particularly straight--if anything, they were probably just jealous that they found each other and had a relationship that made them that happy. not that they’d ever say that, of course.

the end of the prequel script almost made me think that jasper died then, somehow? but then he said something new a few lines after the line that made me think that, so i’m just going to work off the assumption that he lived through that and died later.

instead, i think he was killed by grandpa emerson and some other vampire hunters when grandpa was in his prime.

in the wake of jasper’s death, the whole gang kind of falls apart. even after all these years of killing, none of them have ever dealt with real loss, the loss of a blood brother (or, in dwayne’s case, a dude he’s been in love with for a much longer stretch of his life than the part where he wasn’t) before. the only thing they can all agree on is that they have to get revenge immediately. 

even though he’s never been on the front lines of these hunts, it’s a unanimous agreement that dwayne lead the charge to find the hunters who killed jasper. for once, when they get to the group, dwayne isn’t feeding, he’s just annihilating every single person even tangentially involved. the only person who escapes the massacre with his life is grandpa emerson, who just barely makes it out unnoticed in the aftermath of the thing, when david finally has to physically remove dwayne from the corpses and take him back to the cave for his own good. even then, he’s in no condition to hunt vampires for months, and even when he recovers, he never gets his full health back. instead, he lies low, the thought that the vampires will one day realize what they missed eternally ringing at the back of his mind, and moves his wife and young daughter outside of the city limits, staying away from santa carla as much as he can. 

that’s pretty much it on hunting for grandpa emerson. at least, for the next few decades, that is...

after a few years, things go more or less back to normal for the lost boys, except with the loss of the relatively quiet, subdued jasper, the group’s dynamic takes a little bit of a turn for the worse. dwayne’s more nonverbal than ever, and also a little wilder, a little more inclined toward violence when he remembers the last humans who got too close to their dwelling. marko, seeing the opportunity, tends toward more extreme violence in those days, and paul, who gets easily drawn in by the smell and sight of blood, tends to follow suit. even david finds himself lost in the kill sometimes, coming to hours afterward and realizing that he’d been clumsy, even reckless, in his hunting the night before.

they’re all making mistakes and egging each other on, and david doesn’t like it. he’s got the presence of mind (not to mention the eternal protective instinct regarding his friends) to realize that they’re spiraling, and if they keep it up like this, more hunters are going to rise in the place of the ones they killed. this starts a search for a more level-headed member of their group to replace jasper, a search that, naturally, leads him to star.

her inclusion to the group definitely helps things. the guys, having lived in pure testosterone for some 60 odd years, are a little awkward in her presence, and for the first year or so, they’re quieter when she’s around, trying to impress her. 

they all go out and get the canopy bed especially for her (they do like her, from the beginning) when it becomes obvious that star’s penchant for long skirts will only make things awkward if she tries to sleep upside down with them, not to mention their mutual unease regarding a co-ed bat cave. 

they have no idea what girls, especially girls in the 70′s, like, but they try to dress it up and they’re very proud when they present it to her.

from the beginning, star doesn’t trust marko all that much--she refuses to be alone with him, and forms a habit around being on the other side of the room from him in group settings. it sort of pisses marko off (mostly just because he doesn’t understand why), but david sees this and understands, intervening in such a way that leaves marko no room for argument whenever he tries to confront her about it.

star doesn’t like david, either, mostly due to the growing resentments she builds over the decade and a half she spends with them for him letting her become a vampire. her hatred, given that it was her decision (that she’d asked him specifically to make her a vampire) pisses david off a lot, but he lets her get away with a lot, too, because he remembers how much he fought against being turned, and can understand her moral dilemma. 

star feels the safest when dwayne is around, but she had some fun times goofing off with paul and dancing to the radio. those times were probably the ones where she regretted her decision to join the lost boys the least. 

dwayne’s residual anger and bloodlust from the incident with jasper finally starts to fade when she shows up, which david notices and appreciates

still, her inner conflict over joining them is obvious and leads to a different kind of tension in the group, so he has to keep searching for another member to cool things down. 

hence: laddie

honestly i can’t tell what i think about the origin of his inclusion. part of me thinks it could be a claudia in iwtv situation, where david tries babytrapping star, banking on the idea that she won’t be able to leave if she knows there’s a little kid there that she has a duty to protect. on the other hand, david intentionally condemning a little kid to a kind of stunted half life where he can’t grow up and is taken away from his parents sort of conflicts with the david that unrobbed a dude because he saw that the guy had little kids relying on him, and anyway, up until this point, david had only known star as a somewhat reckless teenage girl; banking on her having a maternal instinct he’d seen no proof of seems like an awfully big gamble. 

so what i’m thinking is more like: david kept looking for a sixth member, but he was looking at the young adults in their age range on the boardwalk, not children. instead, some unforseen event happens around the same time as he’s looking (i’m thinking maybe the boys go too far when hunting one night and laddie got seriously injured in the crossfires, leading dwayne or star or david to take him back to the hotel for blood to save his life), and bam: sixth member.

i think his inclusion kind of does what david wanted it to do and kind of Doesn’t. 

like, as soon as he shows up, star completely lets go of any notion of leaving the group and running away, which is good. at the same time, though, she resents david even more for turning laddie, even if it saved his life (naturally, it was the boys’ fault that laddie was in danger in the first place, so she kind of has a point) and now she’s always preoccupied with questions about turning back and she spends a lot of time mourning her humanity.

so david is still fucking looking for another person to even this new mess out.

i think laddie and star both have instincts on some level (or, if laddie doesn’t, he’s guided by star, and star does) about the safest place to be in the semi-volatile vampire den at any time. like, star visibly doesn’t get along very well with david, but she still knows that he’s got the most self control and at least some semblance of a moral code, so when it comes down to it, she hovers around him. they’re definitely not dating, and never were, but it could easily seem that way to an outsider; on the boardwalk, when she’s with the boys, she sticks as close to david as she can, and if she’s riding on the back of anyone’s bike, it’s his (she also only lets laddie ride with either david, if she’s not riding, or, more often, dwayne. paul and marko are strictly off limits). 

david is also possessive of her, because to david, she’s one of them, and he can tell that half the guys he’ll find her with (the way he found her with michael), she’s just throwing herself at because she wants out of the group, away from the lost boys, and he feels like he’s got to remind her where she belongs. 

it’s pretty toxic, really. over the tense year or so the group exists as we see it at the beginning of the film, david, dwayne, marko, paul, star, and laddie, things only get worse as david’s temper starts to heat up and star clashes with him at just about every opportunity. things are getting to the point where they HAVE to break, and finally they do:

michael moves into town.

at first, david sees him as just another escape for star (the same way star sees him, really). when david issues a challenge and michael responds to it, and not only that, for a split second, he’s winning, beating david’s bike despite being indisputably outclassed, though, david starts to see potential... a potential which shines through when michael shows his anger, picks a fight (and what passion!), and still follows them back to the cave, not because star is going to be there, but because david is. 

on the way there, he decides that michael is the final missing link they’ve been needing. he doesn’t know, yet, about max’s infatuation with lucy, or the plan to put the blood sucking brady bunch together. he just knows, in that moment, that his boys are teetering on the edge of irreconcilable dysfunction, and michael is the final piece he needs to fix it: he’s calm enough that he won’t add to marko and paul’s mania, but still fiery enough that his voice will come into play in favor of more thought-out decisions. plus, he can tell the boys are starting to like him (of course, they like anyone who takes a swing at david, even if they’d be tearing the perpetrator to pieces in seconds if they thought the swing was taken with legitimate malice behind it), and he knew from the first second that star did. michael is one of them.

with this thought in his mind, david is the one who becomes reckless in his need to convert michael. he gets sloppy.... but, since these are my headcanons and i get to choose the rules, i’m just going to say that eventually, things work out, michael becomes the final member of the gang, and everyone lives happily ever after.

holy shit, i just wrote a goddamn timeline.

i mean. wow, i think i’ve written less intricate fanfiction, fuck.

well, if you’ve made it this far, i’ve got a few more fun and low-stakes (ha, ha) headcanons as a reward for you, before i give this post the mercy killing it is begging for

david likes movies.

not just good movies.

david and the gang sneak into the cinema pretty much every time they get something new, and no matter how cheesy the dialogue or how predictable the plot twists are, he’s totally entrenched. it makes sense on a certain level, probably, if you consider that when he was growing up even silent films weren’t so much as a whisper on the horizon, but still, there’s a definite element of cognitive dissonance involved in watching the strict and intimidating leader of their gang clap and cheer at the end of every shitty b-movie that comes to their local theater. i mean, really.

it’s after he goes on a few of these movie nights with everyone that michael finally starts to really warm up to david. he wants to still be mad about the way things went down, but at the end of the day... it’s kind of hard to be scared of a guy you’ve seen cry at the end of working girl. 

marko and paul really like action flicks; paul gets into action-adventure, while marko is more into the slasher genre (although secretly, he’s more than a little intruiged by pretty, indie movies they show in the art house... not that he’d be caught dead there in a million years). dwayne, on the other hand, goes to those movies with them, but in his heart he just really likes comedies. they’re fun. sue him.

david would say he prefers horror, but it’s only barely the truth. he does like horror movies... but at the same time, he likes every other genre and practically every other film he’s ever seen. vampire movies are always his favorites, though, for personal reasons. 

star doesn’t go to the movies with them a lot, but she enjoys the occasional blockbuster with the guys, and she takes laddie to see more family-oriented films when he asks. 

michael..... likes romances. he’s always so embarrassed to be there with all the ladies his mother’s age, but there he is in the audience, hiding his face behind his hand, totally fucking loving this. hey, at least david is there too,  throwing popcorn at the horny couples making out in the row ahead of them and getting just as horrifyingly into the plot as he is. 

they never talk about those movies after they’re over. what happens in the santa carla movie theater stays in the santa carla movie theater. 

not that this is any particular place for a good end for this post, but this is the last thing i have for now: when michael moves into the hotel with everyone else, he elects to sleep in the canopy bed with star, rather than hanging from the ceiling with the guys. they start ribbing on him constantly for this--saying that the main room of the cave must be reserved for women and children--but the joke’s on them, in michael’s opinion--not only is he not hanging by his feet from the alcoves, but he’s also the one who sleeps holding a beautiful girl every day. things could be a lot worse.

[lothiriel84]

Since you asked them for a ghost story...

The Monster Hunters, Christmas specials, and the ramping up of fear. 

(Here be dragons monsters spoilers.)

I’ll let you all in on a secret. As opposed to a certain demon Crowley, I’m not a big spooky fan, me. That being said, I am a huge fan of The Monster Hunters - have been for quite a long time, way back when they still called themselves Newgate Productions, and The Rapping on the Mirror was yet to be released. 

(Speaking of which, I may have occasionally found myself echoing Roy’s sentiment from that very episode: “This is getting needlessly grotesque. Usually we just gloss over the nasty bits and go straight for a cheap laugh.” Which is kind of ironic, given how I eventually branched out into Definitely Human’s podcasts - and more recently, Horrible Histories, which is surprisingly gory for a kids TV show. Oh, well.)

Since then, nine new episodes have been released - with Definitely Human taking over the production side of things halfway through series three, after the Age-Long Hiatus of Mount Everest. (Our heroes sure took a long time to climb down that mountain.) As of December 2019, the complete list of Christmas specials goes as follows, both in chronological and of-increasing-spookiness order.

The Haunting of Roy Steel

On Christmas Eve, Roy and Lorrimer travel to a remote house in the countryside, in order to exorcise the salty ghost of a sea captain (and former serial womaniser). Flying chandeliers and ghostly whispers aside, no actual ghost can compete in terms of scariness with Roy’s own past coming back to haunt him in the guise of his soon-to-be-ex wife. (RIP Roy’s flat, Jensen, and everything else - including the scotch.)

The Whispering Fog

After accidentally time-travelling to 1891, courtesy of the time crystals from Atlantia, Roy and Lorrimer have a close encounter with the murderous fog controlled by a Mr Blackscar. Ferocious, supernatural fog feeding on living creatures is definitely a step-up from your average ghost; its misleading appearance allows it to creep up on its victims and shred them to pieces at its leisure. (The shredding bit being a strong point in favour of the overall dreadfulness of the whole thing.)

The Monster Hunters and the Box of Desires

In the height of winter, Roy has to travel all the way to an (appropriately old-fashioned) Swiss castle after Lorrimer and Suki’s book-cataloguing holiday takes a turn for the worse. Most of the story is then relayed by Lorrimer himself as they sit in front of the fire, hideous paintings and everything. The castle once belonged to Simon Diablo, a seventeenth century philosopher of quite dubious reputation; Lorrimer’s lust for knowledge, mirroring Simon Diablo’s, led him to open the small, unassuming wooden box found in the library, unleashing a terrifying creature sporting Lorrimer’s own face. 

As horrifying as the whole thing is, Frau Gersler and Klimt provide some much needed comic relief, at least until the latter is found as a skinless corpse in the snow. Still, the unnamed creature is one of the scariest monster in the entire podcast, both as a not-better-specified entity unleashed by the opening of a forbidden box, and thanks to its penchant for flaying its victims alive. The creature’s horrifying call is yet another strong point in its favour (and was apparently obtained combining a few different fox noises, as the creators pointed out in the commentary to the episode). 

The Rapping on the Mirror

When Roy’s unsolicited gift for Lorrimer turns out to be the scrying mirror of Shadwell Crake (alumnus of John Dee, turned rival) Lorrimer’s lust for knowledge turns out to have dire consequences not only for his colleagues at London’s London university, but (as we will find out in later episodes) quite possibly for Britain/the rest of the world as well. 

Guy Devlin and Lauren Asher’s combined electric/psychic seance is one of the most terror-inducing sequences of the entire podcast, both thanks to the masterful use of sound effects/sound design, and the extremely unsettling influence Crake’s power can exert upon reality. As horrifying as a Lorrimer-faced monster with a taste for human skin can be, it’s got nothing on an insane soul inhabiting a mirror with mystical powers, capable of altering reality to the point of cutting an entire room off from the outside world, trapping his helpless victims so that he may empty one of them from the inside and use their body to house his spirit. (I dare anyone to listen to his repeated threat/command of “You will house me” and not quiver in terror.)

In my book, an entity capable of manipulating/messing up with reality (or someone’s perception of it) is infinitely scarier than any other monster or manifestation, ghostly or otherwise. And the tapping on the mirror itself rates quite high on my list of most chilling sounds ever, to the point of making me jump even on my umpteenth re-listen. (Interestingly enough, the tapping sound effect appears to have somehow got lost/replaced in between The Rapping on the Mirror and the making of series 3, with the latter being nowhere near as scary as the former, at least to my own ear.)

The Vampire Tree

Roy tricks his way into taking Suki’s place at Lorrimer’s side as he investigates some supernatural occurrences in the bleak Highlands winter. The whole episode is framed as a ghost story, as relayed by an external narrator (masterfully played by Robert Benedetti-Hall of Definitely Human fame) who only adds to the spooky/gloomy atmosphere of the narration. As our heroes are soon to find out, the entire area is somehow under the evil influence of a gnarled gallows tree with a taste for human blood (though the exact nature of the tree itself as well as the source of its unsettling power remain largely unexplained).

Bleak landscapes, howling wind interspersed with banshee-reminiscent wailing, the ghost of a hanged witch manifesting in the blood-red smoke of the tree’s burning wood - all pretty scary in its own right, but to me even that can’t hold a candle to (again) the way reality reshapes itself all around as the tree lures its victims closer. First the advancing darkness/nothingness of Neverending Story reminiscence, then the peeling back of time itself as a past of violence and witch hunting is revealed.

Roy chopping down the ‘vampire’ tree and the ensuing spurting of blood from its branches and trunk brings the whole ordeal to an unexpectedly gory conclusion, and one conveying (unintentional) echoes of Dantean horrors. And as devastating as Lorrimer’s little talk to Roy is in the finale, it gets quite drowned in the sea of all the dread that’s been building up for the majority of the episode. (Though I have no doubt it will inevitably resurface to haunt us in the future.)

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of Marvel: Week of April 1st, 2019

Best of this Week: War of the Realms - Strikeforce: The Dark Realm #1 - Bryan Hill, Leinil Francis Yu, Gerry Alanguilan, Matt Hollingsworth and Joe Sabini

If I haven’t made it clear enough, I love stories of War.

I love seeing characters struggle with hard decisions or doing things that normally they wouldn't. I like the idea of burgeoning respect for others for their bravery or absolute assholish-ness in the face of grave opposition and this book is full of it.

While the main War of the Realms series offers a continuing story focused on everyone’s efforts to fight off Malekith’s forces, I like the more self contained and focused stories like this one and War Scrolls. Strikeforce, if that’s the name that they’re going for, is a team made up of darkness, anger and righteous vengeance as that’s what will be needed to venture into Svartalheim and destroy the Black Bifrost.

The book begins with Lady Freyja, Thor’s mother and arguably the wisest woman in all of Asgard, seeking counsel from an unknown individual on who would be best to take the fight to the Dark Elves. She needs those who are uncompromising and full of rage, able to fight fire with fire, so it comes as no surprise when the man that she’s speaking to turns out to be Frank Castle.

She makes it a point to note that while Captain America told her to approach him and while he doesn't like Frank, he respects him enough to know that Frank is the only man that can cross the line between heroism and villainy. She asks him to pick heroes to embody similar natures to his own and he selects Jen Walters “Hulk”, Ghost Rider and Blade because of their individual senses of justice, vengeance and anger.

Walters, taking the position of leader of the team and acting as the seasoned Avengers Vet, asks if she can trust them, calling a vote to join Freyja’s fight. They agree and she puts them through a mental test to show their darkness and see if they can overcome their fears. For Jen, it’s her primal nature now that she’s no longer the She-Hulk that she once was. Robbie has to overcome the Riders need for fear and vengeance. And Blade has to overcome himself, at least a version of himself that embraces the Vampire within and stops protecting humanity.

I will say that Yu's art in this book isn't his best, but it’s still great and absolutely serves its purpose. Everything is mostly dark and gritty. His line work is heavy and is complimented by Alanguilan's dark inks and Hollingsworth’s colors. The action scenes are sparse, but dynamic enough for you to feel the weight of the situation at hand. Frank is naturally grim while Freyja contrasts this with her normally hopefully nature as she's also clad in white, making them both stand out amongst the cast.

The group overcomes their fears and converge on Freyja, defeating her to prove their worth. We don’t learn much of Franks trial other than, he kills the rest of the team but feels bad about it afterwards. He and Freyja then have one of the most chilling conversations I have read, in a little while, away from the rest of the team.

Throughout the book, Lady Freyja comments to Frank that he would be a man welcome as a God in Asgard for his uncompromising nature, laser focus and sheer violent rage. She fears that whatever she does in this war will have a grave cost, maybe even with her becoming the monsters she so fears. We then see a vision of her appearing as the new leader of the Dark Elves in a cook, but unsettling scene. She asks Frank if he knows the feeling… and Frank does of course. He recalls a mission where he was saving a child, murdering through a mansion to save her life and as he looked in a mirror, he saw his blood covered visage and her cowering in fear and just decided that it was better to be the monster.

As long as he was a monster, but lives were still saved and the mission was accomplished, then it didn’t matter what the cost was and... Lady Freyja agreed. “I see why the others fear you, but you have the respect of Asgard.” She says before walking away. Frank has a way of getting into people's heads. He can inspire fear and terror, but I don’t think in all of my years I have seen him turn someone to his side. Hell, last week’s Daredevil saw him try it with Matt, before he was given Heimdall’s sword, and he told Frank to screw off, but seeing Lady Freyja acknowledge Frank’s harsh point of view for the greater good was poetic.

---------------------------------------------------

Death may be a revolving door for the X-Men, but that doesn't mean that things don't hurt when they lose another one of their own.

Runner Up: Uncanny X-Men #17 (Legacy #639) - Matthew Rosenberg, Carlos Gómez, Guru-eFX and Joe Caramagna

I've always had a penchant for the 90s X-Factor team. Multiple Man, Havok, Polaris, Strong Guy and especially Wolfsbane stand out as some of my favorites from that team, but sadly one of them is no more.

Rahne Sinclair has always had a bit of a messed up history; from having religion beat into her, causing her to hate herself and her powers, to losing best friends and lovers like Cypher, to being brainwashed and having one of her best friends murder her child, things haven't gone great for her. Recently, she had found some sort of peace with it all and decided to quit the superhero game altogether.

Scott let her go. Logan let her go. The entire rest of the current X-Men were happy to let her live a normal life and then she was murdered soon after. It came out of left field for everyone, including us readers.

Scott held a funeral service that the rest of the team attended, while Logan and a released Kwannon left to “mourn in their own way.” IE, finding the bastards who killed her and absolutely destroying them.

The contrast between these two ways of mourning is drastic and heartbreaking on both sides. Scott gives a melancholic speech, telling everyone that he's tired of losing friends and names off every “dead” mutant that he can. Logan and Kwannon, however find the guys that killed Rahne and Logan asks Kwannon to show him their memories.

After a lot of pushing, she shows Logan how they catcalled her and kept harassing her until she said no and bared her fangs. Thinking they were “tricked” by a “mutie”, they beat her to death. Suddenly a SWAT team enters the home and corners the pair and Logan goes on the attack.

As always, Logan and Scott are on opposite ends of their respective spectrums with Scott choosing the path of peace and Logan choosing the path of vengeance. It's hard to say which side is more righteous here. Scott promised something of change when he came back and allowed the X-Men to be democratic instead of having him as the leader and that possibly led to Rahne's death. Logan, of course may have cost The X-Men some good in the public eye as it's heavily implied that he and Kwannon murdered everyone in that house. But damn if he didn't get Rahne the justice she deserved.

Loganq returns home later to be yelled at by Scott, who tells him that he should have been at Rahne's funeral. Logan, also in a rage, brings up that Scott knew that Logan would do it and also brings up Blindfolds suicide and their own past schism when Scott tells him to leave the team. They get into a scuffle and Juggernaut stops them, telling them that they should be focused on Scott's list of enemies instead of each other and notes one BIG name missing that no one can seem to remember, I wonder what COLD BITCH that might be?

This issue really hit hard for me. While it doesn't bring up everything specifically, it does tie up her character arc in a bow made of razor blades. There are acknowledgements to her past, her times with X-Force, X-Factor and the New Mutants. It's shown how much she means to Scott as a sister and to Logan as another kid that he raised and couldn't save. Her best friends, Dani Moonstar and Magik reflected on their relationship with her and how kind of a soul she was and how she didn't deserve this. This end was as tragic as Rahne's life was and while she deserves the rest, I hope she does come back at some point.

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees

Chapter one on ao3

Chapter 2:

Alec unlocks the door to his penthouse and is immediately confronted with a smirking Jace.

“So what happened last night, bro? I called you a few times after you left with that guy but you never called me back. I was getting ready to send out a search party.”

Alec looks at him with an eyebrow raised and says, “You know what happened. It’s called a one night stand. I know you’ve been with Clary awhile but your memory shouldn’t be that faded.”

Grinning, Jace shrugs. “Yeah, well, you have fun with your flavor of the hour and I’ll just keep going home to the love of my life every night.”

With that Jace and Alec go in for a bear hug. They both lean into it, breathing each other in, and relaxing as their best friend-- no, brother-- is by their side for the first time in almost a year. They’d met at the bar last night but their hug then had been too drunk and messy. This embrace makes Alec feel like he's finally home.

“I missed you, you asshole,” Alec murmurs and Jace’s arms tighten around his waist.

“Yeah, you too dick. Now tell me, do you even remember his name?”

“Whose name?”

Stepping back, Jace points at Alec’s neck. “The vampire that left that thing on your neck. Or did you not even bother to learn it in the first place?”

Alec just laughs, unashamed. “I know he was a great lay. That’s all I need.”

“And they say romance is dead.”

If possible, Alec’s smile becomes even wider as he hears the clicking of heels after that deadpan comment. Turning to face the kitchen, he sees one of his favorite sights in the world-- his sister, laughing, walking towards him with two mugs of tea. Waiting for her to set the drinks on the table, he takes her in. Izzy is wearing one of her more formal outfits but it still has her risque touch: underneath the suit jacket she’s wearing nothing but a lace bralette. She looks stunning as usual and he can only imagine how many men sustained injuries walking past her this morning.

Giving her his trademarked Big Brother Hug, he lifts her off the ground, making her squeal with laughter as she demands to be down. Complying after a minute, the two just stand there, smiling at each other.

“It’s good to see you, hermano. It’s been a few months.”

“Yeah. How’d the shoot in Belize go?”

“It was one of the more inventive ones. I didn’t just stand there making pouty faces at the camera for two days. The other models and I got to go into the city and meet some of the people. Plus, I got a few other gigs from it so not bad at all. I was sad you couldn’t stay longer though.”

“I wanted to stay longer, too, but I could only carve out four days. But, I got to see you, so it was worth it.”

With a fond smile for her brother who had spent half of his brief break just traveling to and from Belize to see her, she gestures for the three of them to take a seat before asking Alec, “ How was the concert last night?”

The three of them sit down in the living room. Alec is in the chair closest the door, Izzy and Jace on the ragged couch they’d bought when they were seventeen. While they could buy a new couch that didn’t look like something a frat house had coughed up after rush weekend, it had been the first big purchase Alec had ever made and he was loathe to get rid of it. He knew he was too sentimental for his own good but until the couch actually broke, he just couldn’t see himself replacing it. Jace blustered and insulted the couch every day of his life, but he understood Alec’s reluctance and even shared a piece of it. Izzy, however, detested the couch and wasted no opportunity to tell them. But, even she had to admit that there was no better way to spend a lazy day then with a movie marathon on the run-down thing.

Taking a minute to settle in, Alec answered Izzy. “It was good. We sold the arena out and everyone went wild during the new material so that bodes well for the next album.”

Jace and Izzy traded guilty looks but Alec beats them to it before they can speak. “Don’t worry about not coming guys. You came to the opener last spring and you’re coming to the Good Morning America show next week, right? You’ve seen me perform a thousand times. It’s okay that you didn’t make it to this one.”

Jace nodded and added, “we wouldn’t miss it buddy. The chance to see you do your thing never gets old and I’m looking forward to seeing you deal with all those swooning teenagers.”

Izzy snickered. “Remember that time a boy actually passed out when Alec kissed his hand? I felt so bad for him!”

Groaning, Alec leaned back in his seat and looked up at the ceiling. “I paused the concert to make sure he was okay and so that he could get some medical attention but he turned it down flat because he didn’t want to miss a song. I let him backstage after and he gushed for fifteen minutes straight about how much he loved me. He was adorable but I just felt so bad that he’d gotten hurt over me.”

Reaching over to pat Alec’s shoulder, Izzy had nothing to say except, “poor you. People literally faint in your presence. How awful that must be.”

Alec glared at her but didn’t say anything else.

After Jace and Izzy’s laughter died down, the topic moved to their plans for the rest of the day.

“You guys still up for lunch?”

Alec nodded sharply. “Yeah, just let me grab a shower. Meet back here in half an hour? I have that acoustic show later this afternoon and I want to make sure I get there early.”

Jace scoffs while Izzy grimaces.

“You’ve been in the business ten years and party like it’s 1999 every damn night but you’re still freakishly early to every show. You’re such a nerd. When are you gonna trash a hotel room or, God forbid, show up to a rehearsal or concert--” Jace gasped in mock horror”-- on time?”

Alec was getting ready to offer a scathing reply when Izzy jumped in.

“Yeah, you really need a shower. I didn’t want to say anything, what with it being your first day back in town, but you smell like sex and coffee and that is disgusting coming from my brother.” She wrinkled her nose just to make it clearer how gross the whole thing was for her.

Alec glared at both of them before standing up and making his way to his ensuite.

“First of all, Jace, it’s called professionalism. I respect my fans and when you respect someone that means you put in effort for them and always make sure you’re punctual.” Opening his bedroom door, he called back, “Oh, and Izzy? It’s impolite to call attention to that kind of shit. You’re just jealous I’m getting some.”

With that, Alec shut the door just in time to hear Isabelle start cursing him.

After a long, hot shower using all of his favorite products Alec felt human again. He dresses in something a little more casual to fit the nature of the performance-- ripped black skinny jeans, his beat-up pair of combat boots, and a plain gray hoodie. While Alec had a costume designer for tour that came up with elaborate, stylish outfits, never to be worn twice during the course of the tour, he preferred to use his own wardrobe for smaller shows and the extra events he attended throughout the year.

Moving back into the bathroom, he takes out his sparse makeup bag. While Izzy was the Queen of Contour in the family, Alec had always enjoyed being her guinea pig. It was another creative outlet and a way for brother and sister to bond. Once he’d gone on the road, management had tried to dissuade him from wearing cosmetics in favor of carrying out their ideal image of him as a masculine heartbreaker of young girls’ hearts. How unfortunate for them that Alec was gay as hell and had a penchant for highlighter.

Taking out a simple black eyeliner pencil, Alec makes quick work of lining then smudging his eyes. He debates on adding anything else but decides against it. The vibe for this show is relaxed and he wanted to show the fans today the side of him that most rarely get to see.

Alec liked experimenting with his look but day-to-day he’s a pretty low maintenance guy and he wants to set the tone for the acoustic show as early as possible and the best way to do that is with his appearance. The show today is more chill hang-out than arena performance. He wants everyone who comes to feel welcome and relaxed and like they’re ready to make a friend.

He had received a lot of backlash in the media when, towards the beginning of his career, a picture had surfaced of him in a full face of makeup including contour, bright lipstick, and false eyelashes. He hadn’t quite developed the thick skin he was now notorious for and the online comments had devastated him.

It was Izzy who had shown him several social media accounts that had stood up for him, letting him know that they supported him no matter what he wore. He had never forgotten what those fans had done for him. The fact of the matter was that his fans went absolutely batshit when he wore makeup or had painted nails and he enjoyed the ritual and result of it all. Why not do a bit of fan service, have fun, and maybe let some of them see that there’s more than one way to be a man? Alec had built a career out of respecting and loving his fans and a lot of his effort was in making sure that these kids knew they could always be themselves with him. Whether that meant waving Pride flags during his concerts or having the courage to be their most authentic selves, Alec always felt the responsibility to be a positive role model for people in the same way he wished he’d had someone when he was younger and just starting to figure shit out.

Though today he was only wearing eyeliner, Alec knows the fans will love it.

So he plays up to the fans a little bit, so what?

Alec leaves his bedroom and finds Izzy and Jace talking in the kitchen.

“I’m headed out. I’ll see you guys later.”

Izzy throws the apple she had just finished into the trash can and grabs her coat. When Alec just looks at her she says smugly, “I’m going with you. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you perform and I think the fans would love seeing the Lightwoods together, don’t you?”

Jace looks at Alec like he expects him to put up a fight. He should know that what Izzy wants, she gets, and Alec actually thinks it’s a good idea anyway. His fans love Izzy and she adores them right back. Alec just shrugs and turns to leave the apartment, Izzy on his heels.

Alec gets to the venue a little over an hour early. He likes having extra time because it gives him a chance to talk to the fans in line that have been waiting for hours to get a seat in the front row. Despite Izzy’s protests they took the subway, and when Alec rounds the corner and sees the line stretching almost two blocks he’s taken by surprise by the way his heart becomes both painfully light and dreadfully heavy.

He never gets used to it. People love Alec, love his music, and that is a hell of a double-edged sword for him. He feels immense responsibility and pressure to be the best performer, the best role model he can be to these fans, these kids and adults and everything in between that pay money and spend time on him. But at the same time he’s always buoyed by their never-ending support and unconditional love.

He has worked fucking hard to cultivate this relationship with his fans and its foundation is a mutual respect and admiration. Alec knows they have his back but will always hold him accountable and they know that Alec does everything he can for them to make every show, every Instagram video, every surprise as amazing as possible. Alec is very active online, constantly answering messages and replying to tweets, posting videos that show him behind the scenes, that offer glimpses of his real life off stage, and the fans appreciate the effort.

The fans also know of Alec’s tendencies to be early and it doesn’t take long before the entire street seems to fall silent as everyone turns around and takes in Alec Lightwood. No one has even noticed Izzy yet and Alec raises a perfect brow before smiling softly and walking to the people at the end of the line.

“Hey, what’s up?”

The two girls in front of him are obviously starstruck but they rally quickly, he’ll give them that. They’re teenagers wearing what looks to be handmade tie-dye shirts with the cover art from his latest album stenciled in.

“Just waiting for this guy to show up. I hear he can sing,” says the taller girl in a fit of bravado.

Alec just grins. “Oh yeah? Funny, I think I heard about him. I heard he’s got a surprise in store for everyone.”

The girls’ eyes bug out and Izzy snorts before elbowing him in the stomach. While he’s busy glaring she turns to the girls. “Don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to get a reaction. How are you guys doing today?”

The one who hasn’t spoken yet has a soft voice as she tells Izzy, “we’re super excited. We saved up for months to be able to come and we’re so happy we got to meet you.” She pauses for a minute, obviously internally debating something, before she turns to Alec and in a halting voice asks if they could get picture with him.

Alec readily agrees and he takes a few seconds to let the girls smooth down their hair and hands the phone to Izzy. He gives them a minute to make sure they’re satisfied with the picture and then throws them a soft smile and a “see you inside” before moving up the line to the next group.

The next hour flies by as he talks to every single person in line and takes pictures as requested. He’s always surprised, but overwhelmingly grateful, that everyone is quiet and waits their turn. He doesn’t know if it’s because they all know that he talks to everyone, or if it’s because he’s mentioned how anxious he can get in crowds, or if his fans are just more polite than others, but there are no riots or shouting or grabbing. Everyone is respectful and polite and it makes Alec’s heart sing.

When the doors open, everyone rushes inside. There’s only a hundred people in the small coffeeshop-- not Luke’s, because even if he loves his fans he’s not willing to compromise his safe haven-- and everyone has a centrally located seat. A few people wanted pictures with both him and Izzy, or just with Isabelle, and everyone notices her as she walks in behind Alec. There are people softly talking while his people finish getting everything set but everyone watches as Izzy takes a seat in the back and Alec makes his way to the small stage that had been hastily thrown together.

“Okay, I’ve talked to all of you just a few minutes ago but I want to make sure everyone is having a good day. How are all of you doing?”

There’s a rush of cheers and clapping and Alec grins as he slips effortlessly into his entertainer role.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he says as he fiddles with the mic. “If you guys are okay with it, I have some treats I’d like to bring out.”

As Alec had been talking, a few people came out from the back carrying trays of sweets or coolers of drinks.

“We have some baked goods because who doesn’t like a good pastry?” There’s a smattering of laughter as he continues. “We have something for everyone. There are vegan treats, some with peanuts and some without and we have something for people with other assorted allergies or sensitivities. Feel free to talk to the waitstaff about any questions or concerns. Their names are Karen and Daniel and they don’t bite. Promise.”

With everyone munching on their snacks, Alec moves into the real start of the event.

“If it’s alright with you, I thought we’d start with some guidelines. There are only three rules today. Number one, you have fun. If you’re not having fun, you tell me and we’ll see what we can do about it. Though, I have to say, if your issue is that I’m not funny enough, I don’t know what to tell you. This is about as good as it gets.”

Everyone cheers in what Alec supposes is reassurance that he’s not a comedic failure and he’s laughing as he says number two.

“The second rule is that everyone relaxes. Go ahead. Take a deep breathe. This isn’t a concert where you have to scream for two hours. This is you and me and us all together enjoying some music and conversation. And that brings us to number three. Rule number three might be the most important so listen up.

“Rule number three is that you be yourself. As long as you feel safe and included during this chat, then I’ll consider this a success. We’re going to play some tunes and talk about some stuff and we can only maintain this pleasant atmosphere if everyone feels unafraid. There are no stupid questions or awkwardness here--except if it’s coming from me.”

With a last round of laughter that Alec swears is part relief and part indulgence for his inane tactics, he starts the Q and A section.

The questions are all brilliant and fun. Someone asks Alec what his favorite historical period was and why and that devolves into a general group discussion about everyone’s favorite trivia facts. There's another question that sparks a debate between the best type of recording equipment and Alec learns something from one of the fans that he makes a mental note of to research once he starts properly writing for the next album. The last question, however, makes Alec swallow hard and really think.

The question is asked by a teenaged boy that looks as All American Football as possible. When he raises his hand, Alec calls to him immediately.

Looking nervous, the boy opens his mouth. “Hi, Alec, my name is Patrick and I have kind of a serious question for you. This past year I’ve started to come to terms with the fact that I might be gay and I don’t know what to do. I just feel like all of these people have expectations of me and I don’t know how to meet them when they think I’m straight. How can I still be the quarterback and one hundred percent myself?”

Alec smiles softly and says, “Well, thank you Patrick for having the courage to ask me that. It takes a lot of guts and self-awareness to realize that things you’ve thought your whole life might not be true. I’m happy you felt safe enough to ask that here. I have to say though that as your journey of self discovery continues, you’ll start to realize that it isn’t either/or. You can be the high school football quarterback and a boyfriend to an amazing guy. It seems hard as hell, probably impossible, but it can be done. I was in marching band but I was also captain of the soccer team in high school and my senior year after we won the state championships I kissed my then-boyfriend in front of the whole school to celebrate. I was scared shitless but I knew that the people who loved me wouldn’t care and I had to decide not to care about the people who wouldn’t be able to reconcile the two pieces of me.

“Is there anyone else who wants to offer any advice?”

There are a few people that have experienced the same or similar issue and Alec gives them the floor. After everyone’s said their piece, Patrick says one last thing to Alec.

“Thanks, Alec, for being a great role model. I know you have to get that all the time but I really mean it when I say that you’re an inspiration to me. You’re music has really helped me this year come to terms with everything and realize shit and plus, it just bangs hard as hell.”

Everyone laughs and with that cue Alec starts to sing a few songs. He has his old-ass guitar and he’s playing his most popular songs from all of his albums. Everyone cheers when he plays a few random songs that were never singles and it’s totally silent when he plays a handful of songs from what will be his sixth studio album.

When the last note rings through and everyone is clapping, Alec sits there with his guitar resting against his knee and takes a minute to soak it all in. When it starts to die down, Alec takes to the mic one last time to offer his thanks for everyone that came out and has supported him. He does have a surprise though.

“I told a few of you that there was a surprise coming your way tonight. Well, here’s the thing. I feel like we really got to know each other this afternoon and it just wouldn’t be fair of me to make you pay for friendship. So saying, if you guys check your bank accounts after the show, you’ll see that you’ve been refunded the price of admission for today’s event. I hope it was worth your money, but if not, at least it was free," Alec ends with a little laugh.

The room erupts with his speech and Alec gives a last wave to everyone gaping at him before nodding to Izzy and making his way out the front door.

Izzy is beside him an instant later, shaking her head. “You act all cool and shit but you’re really just a drama queen, aren’t you?”

Alec grins as he throws his arm around her shoulders and they make their way to the subway station. “Being dramatic never killed anyone Isabelle. It’s not my fault that the music industry just happens to be a little more dramatic than most."

Izzy rolls her eyes and laughs to herself. The streets are crowded as Alec plans his evening.

It’s time to blow off some steam.

[thenichibro]

Spring 2018 Anime First Impressions

Two weeks into the season - basically on schedule by my standards! This season, as always, has ups and downs as well as popular shows I’m not watching (Megalobox) and shows I immediately regret starting (Devils Line). As a further point, I don’t do impressions of sequels, and in this case I’m including Steins;Gate 0 as a sequel because it is so based on the events of the main show. Regardless, here’s what I’m watching with MAL links and original shows marked:

Legend of the Galactic Heroes - Die Neue These (MAL) Look, I'm not going to immediately say go watch the original LOGH, but I'm kidding that's exactly what I'm going to say. LOGH is a masterpiece in every sense of the word. My issue with this series is not that they will not represent the characters badly, but that 110 episodes shoved into 12 episodes and three movies is simply not enough. LOGH has a scale, a grandeur, a weight that is conveyed as you invest yourself into it for hours on end, from bombastic space battles and the minutiae of day-to-day politics. You need both scales, the imperial and the individual, to really experience LOGH, and I feel like 12 episodes isn't enough time to have both. The LOGH remake looks and sounds fine (though with way too much CG and a bit of same-facing with Reinhard and Kircheis), but I am incredibly nervous about the pacing. This is a first impression, and if Production I.G. pulls this off it will be a classic reimagined for a modern audience that deserves it. But I simply don't think that's going to happen. I'm hopeful, but apprehensive. And again, watch the original. It is pure class.

Persona 5 the Animation (MAL) Play the game first. Please.

Devils Line (MAL) A world where vampires exist under the guise of normal people and some lose control and kill under cover of night. Basically Tokyo Ghoul with less of a vampire "society" and more just individual threats, with more of a sexual twist. Tsukasa is our helpless college heroine, adrift as she finishes school, when she finds out the guy who likes her is a serial murderer who wants blood! So wacky! She's saved by Anzai, a calm, collected member of the agency tasked with dealing with vampires, before unintentionally revealing himself a vampire. Yet we are expected to just accept Anzai forcing himself on Tsukasa because he's the savior? Right. Background sound design isn't bad, art/animation are bland and at times awkward. Devils Line is trying real hard to be a new Tokyo Ghoul, but now with more sexual undertones for whatever reason. Pass.

3D Kanojo: Real Girl (MAL) Ah, otaku love. At least it can't be worse than Saekano, right? That'd be a serious challenge. 3D Kanojo follows Tsutsui, an otaku that suffers the typical ostracization of anime, when he meets Iroha, a blunt girl who for once doesn't ostracize him. The first episode has plenty of the classics - falling into a pool, talking about "3D women" being out of his league, heroics when he knows he can't win. Everything you'd expect. By the end of the episode, things progressed a helluva lot more than I expected, in many ways. It seems thus far that the otaku thing is the impetus for Tsutsui's low opinion of himself, rather than anime being the point of the show. More introspective than I would otherwise think, I think 3D Kanojo holds a lot of slight surprises. It's interesting, for sure, and I hope it continues that way.

Tachibanakan Triangle (MAL) One of two short anime I'm watching this season, Tachibanakan follows a girl who moves into a girls apartment complex and gets more yuri than she bargained for.  We've got the fang-sporting short one, the quiet one, the onee-san, the blonde foreigner, you name it. I don't expect a lot of character development or anything similar, but three and a half minutes of yuri sounds just fine to me.

Uma Musume (MAL) First off, props to the show for making the horse girls' names just as stupid as those of real racehorses. I mean, I know it’s because the girls are named after real racehorses, but still. Uma Musume involves a world where horseracing is hugely popular, only the racers are anthropomorphic horse girls. Our main girl is Special Week, a newbie transferring to a popular racing school in Tokyo. She's your typical genki type - eager, energetic, bright-eyed. Enthralled by one of the top girls Silence Suzuka, she aims to become one of the top horse girls in Japan. Oh, and the top horse girls perform as idols after each race. This sure is a mobile game adaptation, god damn. P.A. Works' art looks solid as always (props to the flowing tail animation); the OP and ED are pretty standard idolish stuff. I prefer the ED. Anthropomorphic racing is fine, yet for some reason the idol part is what makes it weird for me. This show is strange, but if it's not much more than cute horse girls doing cute horse girl things, I'll keep paying attention.

SAO Alternative: Gun Gale Online (MAL) I hate SAO. I have a laundry list of reasons that I despised both seasons of SAO. The reason I'm giving GGO a chance is because the main charater is a girl playing a cute chibi girl in-game and she just wants to make friends. Hopefully, that will avoid the terrible pitfall that was anything relating to Kirito. GGO starts right in the action, with a topical Battle Royale mode putting our pink girl and her partner right into the action. The tactics are good and help set up the basic premises of the gametype, if that necessitated a bit too much monologuing by M, the partner. Also, plenty of pouts. Always a bonus. As always the invincibility of the protag is annoying, but I don't really expect breakthrough plot changes from an SAO spinoff. I mean, SAO S1 was good for the first 10 episodes too. Keep this cute girl and not-harem, focus on connecting with others through video games rather than shanking perverts in a parking lot, and it'll be solid.

Hinamatsuri (MAL) A super-powered middle-schooler falls into the life of a nicer-than-normal yakuza. Nitta is the yakuza, with a penchant for fancy porcelain. Hina is the middle-schooler, your typical otherworldly killing machine set into an unfamiliar world. Hinamatsuri puts a lot of good spins on the taking-care-of-a-supernatural-girl trope, with the main character being a yakuza rather than an "average high schooler." Furthermore, there are some nice father-daughter vibes going between the two, though it's clear Hina maintains the upper hand. Won over by Nitta's refusal to use her as just a tool, their life together begins. The comedy is your standard boke/tsukkomi, but the lightning-quick delivery of the lines had me cracking up regardless. Hinamatsuri looks like it could go darker any second, but if it doesn't I'm perfectly content to stay around.

Comic Girls (MAL) Probably the most classic cute girls doing cute things show this season, Comic Girls follows a group of mangaka girls living in a dorm together. Moeta is the worrywart crybaby, Koyume's the genki blonde, Ruki is the less-than-secret pervert, and Tsubasa is the tomboy. There's plenty of nice compliments between the girls' personalities, and Koyume and Moeta seem like a great fit as the newbies in the group. Furthermore, their personalities being informed by the manga they draw allows for a nice exploration of manga cliches through their interactions. This looks to be more on the character-driven side than a deep dive into the logistics of manga production, but that's just fine. Animation and sound aren't really anything special, but they're by no means bad. As a slice-of-life fan I'm all in, even if this show doesn't turn out to be anything super unique.

[ORIG] Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai (MAL) Tada-kun follows, well, Tada-kun - a student and photographer who runs into Teresa, a rich European while taking pictures. Tada-kun, following the show's title "Tada Doesn't Fall in Love," has a calm, somewhat stoic demeanor, while Teresa is your bright, beautiful girl finally in the Japan she'd only seen on TV. After meeting multiple times as Teresa wanders lost, Tada helps her out of the rain before she finds her hotel, right next to his family's coffee shop. And then, of course, she transfers into his school along with her bodyguard, the fiery-tempered Alec. The art is crisp and animated well, and both the OP and ED have their charms. I personally like romance focused tightly on a single pair (Tsuki ga Kirei and Ore Monogatari are two stellar examples), and I hope this delivers. With a single couple development becomes the key, but if this show keeps it up - increasing interactions leading to discovered feelings, all starting from a photo (sounds a bit like Just Because, don't you think?), this will be a emotionally engaging experience.

Fumikiri Jikan (MAL) The other short show I'm watching, Fumikiri Jikan is about conversations while waiting for the train to pass. The first episode ran the gamut all the way from peppy slice of life to romantic character drama. Being so tightly focused on conversations and with limited time, a show like this needs to nail the dialogue to set up the characters each episode. I felt like I almost watched a movie in three minutes this time, and that's a good thing. The main sticking point is that with individual stories each time, quality can vary wildly. This show is a bit strange but equally interesting, but it will certainly depend on the story being told.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii (MAL) Ah, otaku love. It can't be worse than Saekano, right? That would be a serious challenge. Wotaku ni Koi puts a spin on the genre by situating the main characters as adults who met each other in middle school and just now reconnected. The main cast of four and especially the banner couple Hirotaka and Narumi are uniquely quirky and their personalities gel so well with each other. Despite the long gap in meeting each other I feel the chemistry immediately between the two, and as episode one ends with their relationship actually beginning I'm all in. Not only does Wotakoi change things up by having the main characters as adults but it also gets past all the roundabout bullshit that often bogs down high-school romances. Furthermore, the true enthusiasm with which Hirotaka and Narumi can nerd out about what they like is refreshing, kind of like Animegataris before it became the Matrix. Combine that with a crisp art style and great musical themes, and maybe Wotakoi can provide the grounded otaku love story we've been waiting for. Oh, and fuck the Saekano shout-out. Not that I'm going to let that cloud my thoughts on Wotakoi - I just really, really don't like Saekano.

Golden Kamuy (MAL) This season's "a popular manga is finally getting an anime" show, Golden Kamuy is the story of a soldier and an Ainu girl suriving in the north of Japan in the Ruso-Japanese War era just after the turn of the 20th century. The pair aims to find a hidden treasure, stolen from the Ainu and stashed by a criminal somewhere, with the location hidden on tattoos of various escaped prisoners. I enjoy historical shows, and Kamuy is great in that it is more than just feudal Japan or something similar - the snowy, late-Meiji Hokkaido setting is undoubtedly unique. Sugimoto, the soldier, has earned his nickname "Immortal" due to his war exploits, and his personality shows it - confident in his skills yet cautious of threats. Asirpa, the Ainu, is the resourceful, collected partner Sugimoto needs in the wilds of Hokkaido, and shares Sugimotos motivations, having lost her father to the criminal who hid the treasure. The art is clean, and while the main characters look good there needs to be mention of the awful-looking CG of the two bears and the wolf that make appearances in the first episode. It just looks horrible. The dynamic between Sugimoto and Asirpa is great - the contrast between violence and peace especially - and I look forward to see where they're going. I only wish the overall tone was more consistent - the first episode is a great solemn look at the task in front of them, while the second episode inserts a whole lot of "comedic" moments that seem out of place with the action and Sugimoto himself. Regardless, quick shout-out to Man With a Mission for the OP - one of my favorite bands and this song is no exception.

[kookiekeys]

(Part II) Another List of 101 Jungkook/Jimin Recommendations

Guess who still doesn’t have a life? I’ve managed to read another 101 stories in the short while it’s been since my��first 101 recommendations, so I decided to make a part two!!  Once again, if you notice any errors or have any recommendations, feel free to message me! I’ve tried to include authors’ summaries as they’re posted, and please read the tags on the works accordingly :)

In no particular order:

milk and honey by fatal (cumrich) (Rating: E) jeongguk's got his hands full with his very pregnant, very insatiable husband. not that he minds.

What the Fans Want by Shealezz (Rating: E) Jungkook never imagined he would end up in a fake love with a tease like Park Jimin when all he wanted to do was dance. Unfortunately, this thing called “fanfiction” exists.

Not a Girl by PinkBTS (Rating: M) Jeongguk isn't sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he's kinda grateful though. A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.

Lovin' It by AbsoluteHominy (Rating: T) The first thing Jimin noticed was a head of messy black hair that most definitely didn't belong to Taehyung. He was about to apologize when he looked at the boy's face, instantly recognizing those sharp eyes and soft lips. His heart clenched tightly in his chest as he stood face to face with that strange guy from the McDonald's, who was staring back at him with a rather irritated expression.

all that you are by parkbom (Rating: T) park jimin doesn't remember when or where or how, but somewhere along the line he fell in love with jeon jeongguk. which, considering all of the other problems in his life right now, is really the last thing he needs to be reminded of. but running into jeongguk unexpectedly over christmas break means that it's unavoidable.

You made me (so tame me) by thefabulouserenFandoms (Rating: M) Jimin was that one cute college junior in big sweaters and glasses who never really called attention to himself and spent his time studying. However, he had a dark past on his shoulders he rather never go back to, a past that he doesn't realize will always follow him. What he doesn't understand is how he suddenly became the target of the infamous bad boy, college sophomore, Jeon Jungkook who does nothing but continuously harass him after a heated night. And why does he suddenly look so familiar?

use me, abuse me by cocksluts (Rating: E) jeongguk's just glad jimin lives for the pain

Swamp Magic by GinForInk (Rating: E) Two witches lure Jungkook into their cabin in the woods

The Wreath-er Outside Is Frightful byClosingStatement (Rating: T) Jimin’s a cashier that works at a store in the city, Jungkook’s a customer with a penchant for buying too many wreaths, and they’re both people in need of their own little Christmas miracle.

The Room of Unrequited Love by dyegu (Rating: T) When the new Hufflepuff prefect, Park Jimin, takes an undue interest in Slytherin fourth-year Jeon Jungkook, the younger boy starts wondering if any magic can compare to the uncomfortable bubbly feeling in his heart.

Jingle Bells and Ugly Sweaters by jikookie (Rating: E) Prompt: "Jungkook likes his coworker Jimin but doesn't do anything about it, but Jimin comes to the company holiday dressed up as a reindeer with little antlers and a collar with BELLS on it and the bells drive Jungkook nuts.

Home Is Wherever I'm With You by jungkoojk (Rating: M) “I always thought of Korea as home, but now I'm with you, it's like home is right here.”The course of true love never did run smooth, and when Jungkook moves to New York City on the first day of the year and falls hopelessly in love with the boy next door, he finds that phrase to be very much true.

acrobats, artists, and animals by flitter (Rating: M) A lifetime of dedication and borderline madness, and Jimin snags his second consecutive role as principal ballet dancer. He should be thrilled, insanely satisfied. If only. (also: Ballet au with rival dancers Jungkook and Jimin who rise and fall together)

You're Exactly What I Wanted by Rose_gold715 (Rating: T) Jimin moves to the city and struggles to adapt to his new life, and realises that even though he loves him, there's still a lot he doesn't know about Jungkook.

Constraint by Harlot (Rating: E) Jungkook is young and he is more acquainted with confusion and poor-decision-making than he’d like to admit. Despite being only 19 years old, he sometimes argues that he’s been through and seen some shit. He is never sure where he’s going to end up and he’s not entirely sure what kind of future is waiting for him. He is often not sure of a lot but he is certain—absolutely certain—that he’s not gay.

Alternatively, a story in which Jungkook meets Park Jimin and doesn't like him whatsoever. There's just something about him... there's just so much about him. Jungkook really can't stand him. In fact, he can't stand him so much he can't quite seem to get him off of his mind.

i wanna feel you in my bones by Bangtanbananas (Rating: E) Vampire Park Jimin should have known that werewolf pup Jeon Jungkook was going to be a pain in his ass. Literally.

You Broke My Heart (but I broke it myself) by Rose_gold715 (Rating: M) Jimin's fiancé has abandoned him on his wedding day, and Jeon Jungkook, Jimin's first love and worst heartbreak, is back.

Sinful by Ravenlove (Rating: E) Jimin's aunt is accused of being a witch. He'd been told to stay away from the burning, but he'd went anyway out of pure desperation to save his aunt. Now, he was being accused of having relations with the Devil. Now, he was the one who needed saving. A raving lunatic was out for his blood, and those jealous of his beauty condoned it, but most would've spoken up if their own lives wouldn't be forfeit.

Captain Jeon Jungkook was well-known, for his semi-cold nature, and obvious good looks. He was never swayed easily, and everyone knew that, but then a small-silver-haired-minx of a male, had quite literally fallen into his lap...

Starry night by freckledknuckles (Rating: Not Rated) Jungkook might be in love with the boy he's been "hanging out" with.

Going Down by Shealezz (Rating: E) “Um, could you repeat that?” “I-I asked if you were an elevator.” “Sorry, but I’m no—” “Because I would totally go down on you.”

Primal by Rose_gold715 (Rating: E) Jimin goes into heat and Jungkook sees Jimin's unguarded, unrestrained Omega side for the first time. Can You Give Me My Breath Back byDeadpanSnarker (Rating: M) Six months till the tournament that would decide Jungkook's future. Six months where he and his team were in dire need to monopolize the ice-rink that had taken a liking to Uni’s new sweetheart. Where Jimin made a bet with Jungkook, which, if Jungkook lost, he would have to be taught how to ‘truly’ skate. Or as how Jimin had phrased it, ‘By the time I'm done with you, you’ll have fallen in love with figure-skating’. Surely things didn’t work out in Jungkook's favour. In their fickle game, Jungkook is in for sex and Jimin is in for love. By the end of the six months, perhaps he would like figure-skating, but he would have adamantly fallen in love with the figure-skater.

Fate Leads to Love by jikoooktrash (Rating: T) Jungkook was a decently famous youtuber with an impressive 4,123,098 subscribers. He knew what having a fanbase was like, and he knew that shipping was something they enjoyed greatly. What he didn't expect was to be shipped with Jimin, a youtuber he'd never seen before. He also didn't expect to fall in love with him. Leave Your Mark by snarcsics (Rating: E) The first time Jimin meets a gaunt, small beta boy named Jungkook in the examination room of Namjoon’s lab, he can’t seem to take his eyes off him. The second time he sees Jungkook it’s because he refuses to eat without him. The third time they meet, Jungkook is more teeth and claws than Jimin can handle.

a touch of sin by pettey (Rating: E) After his transfer to a quiet seaside town, Jeongguk was prepared to face a year of uneventful CID work, but found himself dealing with a series of strange murders instead.

I Only Wanna Give You Love by mnsg (Rating: T) ULTIMATE BABY SURPRISE: NEW DADDY REACTS Or: if not by filming a Youtube tag video, how else do you tell your husband you're gonna have a baby?

Retrograde by Shealezz (Rating: M) Jimin wants a bad boy that will be good just for him. Jungkook wants a good boy that will be bad just for him. And Jimin absolutely, undeniably, doubtlessly hates Jungkook just as much as he loves him.

Four Words After Sex by jonghyunslisterine (Rating: T) "Hey, wanna get pancakes?"

One white candle by Hexz (Rating: E) Anyone who knew him could tell he'd only been trying to get Jeongguk riled up. Also; Jeongguk is a frustrating man to love.

Start of Time by Fleurete (Rating: M) HP!AU. Perfect student Jeon Jungkook isn’t fond of new kid Park Jimin. He doesn’t care if its irrational, he just can’t stand him or his pretty face. But as Jimin starts to worm his way into his life, everything Jungkook thought he knew about Jimin falls apart around him, and soon he is forced to discern for himself the truth of the mystery surrounding Park Jimin.

dragon in a flower garden by namakemono (Rating: M) Jungkook and his small team of fellow students film a documentary over the span of a semester, researching a local gang and following the life of one of its former members. They had all agreed to remain impartial, but soon he realizes just how difficult that turns out to be.

keep that ass rewindin' by cocksluts (Rating: E) In the frenzy of their mating, Jungkook realises he never gave Jimin's ass the proper rimming he's been wanting to give it for a long time.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang by jeonify (Rating: M) "Welcome, first time at Abraxas?" (aka that 1920s au where jeongguk brings his brother yoongi to watch lauded bar singer kim taehyung, and ends up falling head over heels with hidden gem park jimin.)

until then, sink slowly by flitter (Rating: M) Recovering from post-breakup restlessness leads to rash decisions, like buying a plane ticket to a remote island 5.4k miles away. Like spending ten days with an unsuspecting tour guide. Like maybe falling in love – this time, the right way. (also: the trip to Santorini and a dash of soulmates au that no one asked for)

home alone by ninagum (Rating: M) 'Q: What is Jeongguk doing nowadays? A: Playing Overwatch!' They say video games can be addictive, and Jeon Jeongguk is the case that only confirms it. As he ignores his pseudo-boyfriend, Park Jimin, he levels up unexpectedly in just one night. He would've been No. 1 in the country, certainly, if Jimin hadn't suddenly decided to strike back. PWP!!

Sweet Smoke by insideimasadrainbow (Rating: T) Based off this prompt: "i’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and im carrying you down a ladder as you compliment me on my muscles ”

One Page Pornography by signifying_nothing (Rating: E) a collection of short stories from prompts on tumblr! newest chapter: sugakookie: genderfluidity, pegging, mild humiliation

Take Care of You by prettyyoongi (Rating: Not Rated) When one of his classmates recommends working as a cocktail waiter at the strip club, Jimin thinks it's the solution to his financial problems. All he wanted was quick and easy money, he didn't expect to fall for the barback with a nice smile and even nicer biceps.

the jimin effect by euphoriae (Rating: E) "Baby, I love how strong you are," Jimin praises and Jungkook flushes, feeling way too excited already, considering they haven't done much. But that's the Jimin-Effect.

Be My First, Be My Last by PinkBTS (Rating: T) "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open" -John Barrymore Things never seem to work out the way Jimin wants, until they do.

Stigma by iamverynofun, insideimasadrainbow, JeongDal, miniyoongi, Only_Baby_Scars, Redghoul, riordmag, superwholocked666, TiTAEnium, Vi (Huilen), zaphyre (Rating: M) The things that happened to Park Jimin as a child were never his fault, and he had always tried to remind himself of that. Even without a father, a mother, he somehow had always managed to be at peace. Jeon Jungkook has always had a family, a text book magazine life. But behind closed doors, his world is dark, pressured and he has no way out. No amount of magic can stop certain things from happening. Not for Jimin. Not for Jungkook. Not for anyone.

sweeter than sweet by manggae (Rating: M) Jimin makes chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, but Jungkook thinks Jimin is much sweeter.

My Youth is Yours by softboys (Rokeby) (Rating: E) It's too early to be awake, but not too early to get off.

You're The Only Voice My Heart Can Recognize by DeadpanSnarker (Rating: G) Jungkook believes in the old-fashioned image of love, not wanting to dive in unless he’s 100% sure. Jimin falls in love too often, too easily; and gets screwed-over just as often. Both are hopeless romantics; both are tired of not finding The One™. And so they entangle themselves in something that neither could keep up with –of masquerades and pseudo personalities, of masks slipping away a second too late. Jimin and Jungkook let love be born between them even though Butterfly Flutter hates Doctor Love for breathing. But love never had a reason anyways. Jungkook was reluctant about being a radio host; little did he know that Doctor Love would be the only voice Jimin listens to. Still, a single sentence, at the command of a voice, was all it took for love to blossom in Jimin's heart.

plank on me by subjimin (Rating: Not Rated) Park Jimin is a radio-host scheduled to interview the young idol, Jeon Jungkook. So he doesn’t understand why he’s currently on the ground, with Jeon Jungkook staring down at him, while in the god awful plank position over his body.

don't talk, don't walk, just the two of us by sweetmxchi (Rating: M) Your secret's safe And no one has to know I'm your getaway And a little bit more than you can take I can make everything feel so damn good or Jimin and Jungkook are polar opposits to the public eye. In the secrecy of a room, though, maybe they can meet somewhere in the middle. *from The Cab's song "Can You Keep A Secret?"

Of Lace Panties and Accidental Magic byjonghyunslisterine (Rating: T) In which a meddlesome teenage witch makes a considerable mistake mixing her potions. (Or; Jungkook can't lie, Jimin's not looking like himself, and everyone knows Jungkook's in love with Jimin - except Jimin.)

Let Me by myshiteu (Rating: E) Jungkook is stuck in bed and just wants to make out. Jimin can help with that.

If We Were Anyone Else (I'd Probably Gag) by Fake Yoongi (monocchrome) (Rating: T) "Dare." "I dare you to tell us about the scar." "You can't do that!" "I just did." "But why?" "Blackmail material." Yoongi put it in air quotes, his voice going a little high to imitate Jimin. (or: they play truth or dare, and Jimin's put on the spot.)

You Don't Need Your Airplane Mode by ERRwriting (Rating: Not Rated) When Park Jimin is in serious need of a bodyguard, Jeon Jungkook is ready and willing to fill that position.

we don't talk anymore by teecysh (Rating: Not Rated) It only takes a few days for the silence to become too heavy.

How to Love You Like Me by annafeu (Rating: E) Jimin and Jungkook's tumultuous relationship comes to an end, but something keeps them away from anyone else. Based on the We Don't Talk Anymore pt. 2 cover

perfect square by wordcouture (Rating: E) 3 x 3 x 3 moments you might say that domesticity was made for them. aka jikook being aimlessly adorable and domestic

Muted love by papa_ya (Rating: M) But the words are silent, falling from his lips and rolling soundlessly down the floor. His mouth moves uselessly, trying to emit sound, and sound. He is a marionette on broken strings. What the fuck? Jimin frowns. Concern etches his soft features. “Kookie, what’s wrong with your voice?” --Or; Jimin is a model living with his tattoo artist boyfriend. Nine years into their relationship, Jungkook loses his voice. The only cure is to say the thing he has been holding back from saying.

To the naked eye by mecchayabaiFandoms (Rating: E) It’s one of those meaningless, mandatory classes, and Jungkook is fully prepare to spend it doodling dicks into his notebook. But when Jungkook sees the TA, the only thing he wants to do with a dick is stick it into him.

The Blue Channel by prettyyoongi (Rating: Not Rated) Jimin and Jungkook film a Q&A for Youtube. (A series of YouTube videos shot to let you in on the daily lives of Jimin, Jungkook, Hoseok, Yoongi, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Taehyung)

24k Rose Gold Hair by flitter (Rating: M) Getting a promotion is something Jeongguk is very capable of achieving. Getting a promotion while dealing with Jimin's ass – that’s a whole ‘nother story. Jeongguk’s friends don’t make things any easier.

i rob and i kill to keep him with me by jikookah (Rating: M) Jimin really hates Jeongguk's new best friend.

DTF, HMU? (Down To Fund, Help Me w/ Uni?) byjeonifyFandoms (Rating: M) that sugar daddy au with too little smut and too much feelings.

and i'll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands by jikookah (Rating: M) “Would you come to my game tomorrow?” Jeongguk regrets the question the second it is out. Of course he has always wanted to ask Jimin that—of course he dreams of it, of looking over at the bleachers and catching Jimin’s eye, maybe even hearing him cheer as Jeongguk scores a goal. There is no point in lying to himself, not letting himself indulge in his fantasies…but to say it out loud, well, Jeongguk knows he has screwed up even before Jimin tenses up in his arms, fingers coming to a halt where they had been previously stroking Jeongguk’s hair.

mind if i slow you down? by jikookah (Rating: E) They break and burn -- Jimin leaves. Jeongguk wasn't ready for him to come back.

play of words by jikookah (Rating: E) you suggest a word, i write something based on it.

Our Love Eternal by ChimchimeryFandoms (Rating: E) Jeon Jungkook's love rivals the love his family shares for his beautiful mate, Jimin. Except for his sister-in-law. It's her personal mission to bully Jimin. And to Jungkook's dismay, Jimin believes every word.

to be the last person whom you think of by adequater (Rating: T) Here’s the most important thing that everyone should note. Jeon Jeongguk does not hate Park Jimin. In fact, Jeongguk is a tiny bit in love with him. A tiny bit. “Wow, Park Jimin, you’re looking pretty damned ugly today!” Right, Jeongguk can explain this. “Suck a dick, Jeongguk."

We Can Smile by njhft_mgc (Rating: M) And inside is a plethora of MAC products he had ordered; a few of the single shadows, some powders, and a hell of a lot of brushes— Jungkook really hadn't planned on buying so much shit, but just glancing at the site had him doubling over and clicking Add to Cart for so many of the items. He couldn't stop himself. Jungkook was a weak man. "Well, damn... If you were gonna buy so much, I would've paid." or rich CEO boyfie jimin buys jungkook lots and lots of pretty stuff ok

Woo You (Milk) by jeonify (Rating: G) they say there are five rings in a successful relationship.

Everything Under the Sun by annafeu (Rating: E) Jungkook is spellbound by the south tribe's beautiful omega, Jimin, but Jimin, for some reason, is reluctant to return his affections.

Hey Kitty, Kitty by jonghyunslisterine (Rating: E) Jungkook and Jimin have been dancing around each other for ages, then Jimin goes into heat.

swim by jiminlogy (Rating: M) everything about the summer is temporary but jimin doesn't want jeongguk to be that. 

Jeongguk, you're perfect. We're perfect. bytaetriplejae (Rating: E) Jeongguk has a problem and his Hyung's decide to help. Whether or not they actually help is another question. All Jeongguk knows is that he wants Jimin's dick. But knowing his clumsy self he'd probably yank on it too hard or something...

always you by TsingaDark (Rating: G) Jungkook wakes up with a hangover and without any recollection of what happened the night before. Namjoon is quick to remind him exactly how embarrassing he behaved.

protégé by linzeigh (Rating: M) Jeon Jungkook, 20. Fresh-faced and eager Muscle. Strengths: ambition, determination, intellect, physical strength. Weaknesses: temper, temper. Kim Namjoon, 25. Organized crime boss, club owner, and all-around good guy. Strengths: logic, compassion, business savvy, loyalty. Weaknesses: depressive with a bleeding heart. Park Jimin, 23. Dancer, prostitute, right-hand man. Strengths: cunning, intuition, fearlessness, confidence. Weaknesses: Kim Namjoon, Jeon Jungkook.

Spaceship Earth by ERRwriting (Rating: T) Jeon Jungkook owns a vacation house in Orlando and Park Jimin rents the house once a month, every month. Jungkook could care less about his monthly visits, until he meets the guy, then decides he's going to care a lot.

Instagram Baddie Daddy by Sxnee (Rating: M) Jimin is a thirst trap and Jungkook is about to take a sip.

There's a moment I've been chasin' (and I finally caught it out) by huntaegi (Rating: Not Rated) “Where’s Jimin and Jungkook?” Yoongi asks, stretching in the kitchen doorway before coming to take his seat at the table- in Taehyung’s lap.“ Jimin was asleep when I went to check on them,” Hoseok supplies, before placing a plate in front of Yoongi, who smiles gratefully. “Not like Jimin to sleep in this-” Seokjin’s voice is cut off by a shriek, sounding from the hallway, followed by yells, just as a Park Jimin, in nothing but boxers and a huge white shirt runs into the kitchen. or the three times Jungkook chases Jimin and the one time he gets chased back

if the waves belong to the sea by teecysh (Rating: Not Rated) Jungkook lives a quiet unassuming life in Busan, working as a teacher for the city's primary school. Jimin is the son of a sailor. He's not meant to stay.

nocturnal animals by pettey (Rating: M) Jimin is the manager at a local convenience store, and Jungkook needs a job and someone to train him for the ring.

Hey Mickey! by yoongidontdoit (sammyinnerdglasses) (Rating: E) Park Jimin, star cheerleader, has it bad for the doe-eyed, shy freshman star of the lacrosse team, but the kid doesn't have any idea how hot he is. Jimin sets out on a mission to get senpai to notice him.

Surreptitious by Bangtanbananas (Rating: E) Vampires and lycans have been at war for centuries. For Death Dealer Jimin, his orders had always been the same: hunt the lycans, kill them off. But when a young lycan named Jeongguk crosses paths with him, their worlds collide in a way like never before.

radio station by jeonminie (Rating: Not Rated) jeongguk hoped that jimin would still listen to his favorite radio station, because it would be his only way to find him now.

We Made Electricity by eightninetwo (Rating: E) Jeongguk is adorable and innocent, yet absolutely charming and attractive at the same time. Jimin likes the whole package. And his package.

past the point of no return by busan_brat (Rating: M) Jungkook has never been the one to give up on things that mean the most to him. Jimin isn't an exception to that rule.

Eidolon (Come Back Again) byTrappingLightningBugs (Rating: T) Life needs to quit throwing Jimin curveballs before he's had his morning coffee--especially when said "curveball" looks vaguely familiar and is serving him his coffee.

expensive lips by flitter (Rating: M) Jungkook goes to Sephora on a mission to get some lipstick. He leaves completely enamored with an employee named Jimin.

i'll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (lucid_wisteria) (Rating: T) Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy - unfortunately also a past hook up - that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won't let him.

Don't Get Up Yet by bangtansweaterpaws (Rating: Not Rated) “Let go Jungkookie, I need to get ready.” “Mmh, stay,” Jungkook’s grip tightened slightly as he mumbled groggily into Jimin’s chest. “Too cold for you to go.” Sighing, Jimin bent down to kiss him on his forehead, smiling at the younger’s childish antics. ***Or: Jimin needs to get ready for his classes but Jungkook doesn't want him to leave. To stop him from going, Jungkook resorts to trapping Jimin by hugging him and refusing to let go until the elder agrees to stay.

Up The River, Down With You by PinkBTS (Rating: E) Life in prison is hard, sure. Violent, a given. But among the ugly, people find each other, they always do. Things grow, things die and sometimes, things last.

it leads me to you by chimout (Rating: T) jungkook stares at the boy in front of him, watching the grin on his face stretch into the sun. he swallows and blinks up at him as the boy's eyes turn into the moon. his voice reminds him of home. "hello," the boy says, and jungkook muffles a sob. "are you lost?" or the story of how jungkook loses himself only to find a home in a boy who gives him the world.

If You Wanna Go to Heaven (You Should Fuck Me Tonight) by TrappingLightningBugs (Rating: E) They mark a trade; Jimin's soul for Jeongguk's body, till death does the hunter get dragged down to Hell. Those are the conditions. Or well, they're supposed to be.

honest you do by mnsg (Rating: T) “Do you think you’ll be a good husband?” Jimin smiles. “I’ll really, really try.” Korea's darling, Park Jimin, gets married.

love on top by decompositionbooks (Rating: E) jungkook and jimin are both exclusive tops but someone's got to give in.

Honey, I'd pet a dog for you (that's how whipped I am) by aegi (Not Rated) Jeongguk does, in fact, not like dogs. He does, in fact, like Jimin's Dogstagram though.

Forever Boys or Magnets by chanyeolingss (Rating: M) Jungkook comes upon a drunk Jimin at the bus stop and ends up carrying him home.

litany of dreams by polymaknaes (Rating: M) Jeongguk has been places, been different things: an angsty teenager, a hopeful student, a worn-out adult. Jimin comes in on a mundane Friday night, in the most unexpected way, and together—they create magic. (or: a study of intimacy)

Don't...You...DARE!!! by awkwardloafofbread (Rating: T) "Ggukie, Ggukie!!" Jimin says cheerfully like a little kid on Christmas morning. He's shaking Jeongguk harshly in an attempt to wake the sleeping boy up. When that isn't enough, only making the boy groan and grumble, Jimin pouts and stands up straight on the bed before slamming his bottom down onto the younger's stomach. Jeongguk wheezes out, his eyes popping right open - he is now awake. Success!

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS (Rating: E) "Loving you was like going to war, I never came back the same." -Warsan Shire Or,There are things Jimin loves. There are things Jimin hates. In the middle of a shifting world, Jeon Jeongguk manages to be both.

Cherry by bananacookies (Rating: E) Jimin and Jungkook, two young wolves bound together by some unknown fate, grow up together as neighbors. When Jimin begins school, Jungkook waits for him at the bus stop, anxiously looking up and down the street. When their parents aren't looking, they nuzzle each other's necks and ears. When Jimin's lying beside him at their weekly sleepovers, tired from the games they'd played, Jungkook can fall asleep inhaling the sweet scent of cherries. When they grow older, as with any relationship, things inevitably change.

4 likes, 0 retweets by atechamcham (Rating: T) Jeongguk just really likes Jimin's Instagram. And his Twitter. And his Facebook. Jeongguk likes him too, maybe, but he's never going to admit that. (the four times Jeongguk feels a little creepy about his online stalking and the one time it actually works out)

why don't you review me? by golpeukaediFandoms (Rating: E) Jimin reviews sex toys on Youtube. Jeongguk has a crush.

we should meet in air, me and you by sunsmiles (Rating: T) Ripped of his sun, Jimin finds himself floating in space, alone and aimless. This is a story of rebirth and redemption.

There is sun and spring and green forever by bambambams (phanjessmagoria) (Rating: E) Jimin might have finally found someone who's perfect for him, who can give him whatever he needs and then some. The problem being, maybe Jimin isn't sure just what that is. && “Well—will I see you again?” Jimin tugged on the hem of his shirt, unintentionally exposing his shoulder; the bite mark Jungkook had left on him was just visible in the orange glow of the streetlights. “Please,” he answered.

Honestly, I’ve got more stories I want to recommend, but for the sake of 101, I’ll incorporate those into the next list (which should be out very soon considering the number of wonderful authors this fandom has!!)

[dingoes8myrp]

There’s Something About Xander

I've seen more dislike for Xander in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom than for any other character in the 'verse. I honestly didn't expect it, and I've been thinking about the possible reasons behind it. I've seen arguments that he's actually not a good guy, that he's selfish, that he's childish, and other things like that. My thoughts were "Yeah, maybe he's not as much of an upstanding hero as some of the other characters, but is he really that terrible?" It honestly baffles me that people prefer Spike, who really is murdery and evil for most of his run on the series. So, what gives? What's with all the Xander hate?

I've got a theory.

It could be bunnies.

No, it's probably not bunnies, but I had to.

Watching BtVS the first run through in middle/high school, the second time in college, and again (and again) in my late 20s, Xander has always seemed like a normal guy to me. He reminds me of friends I had in high school, friends I have now, my dad sometimes. That's part of the appeal of Xander, isn't it? He's sort of our way in. He's just a normal guy who happened to fall in with some extraordinary people and he's doing his best to keep up, like any of us would do.

Do you know who else fits that description?

Jonathan.

Jonathan Levinson was always the guy in the background. He wasn't so different from Xander. He was a normal guy, sort of the opposite of popular. He even crossed paths with Buffy and her friends several times, but he never broke into the group. Why not? Circumstance, maybe. Right place, wrong time. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Besides, it was always assumed that most people didn't know about Buffy's slayer duties. Maybe he just thought she was some violent, occasionally helpful nutjob. It’d be understandable for the guy to keep his distance. 

However, it was revealed in The Prom that Buffy’s fellow students knew more than they were given credit for. Jonathan presented her with an award for Class Protector, much to her surprise and ours. We saw in Superstar that Jonathan knew a lot about Buffy and her friends, that he longed to be a part of their lives in a meaningful way. How long had he felt that way? How long had he been fantasizing about our beloved heroes? We've seen the way Jonathan handled feelings of rejection and exclusion. In Go Fish he got vengeance on the popular swim team by peeing in the pool, which he confessed to Willow. In Earshot he very nearly committed suicide only to be saved by Buffy when she thought he was planning on hurting others. None of these things seemed villainous, but they were early warning signs that this kid was on a bit of a wrong track.

How did things turn out for Jonathan? Well, he ended up being a part of the Trio along with Andrew Wells and Warren Mears, and all of these guys shared a lot of traits with Xander. They were all considered unpopular nerds. Andrew was reminiscent of Xander in early season one with his penchant for pop culture references, his tendency to ask all the obvious questions, and his position as a bit of comic relief. Warren shared Xander's frustration regarding female rejection, and his tendency to call people out in a blunt way when he felt they were wrong. Jonathan shared Xander's unique perception of others as the outsider looking in. All three of these guys relate closely to Xander in the way that any of them easily could have been a part of the group and served the same purpose, if only they'd crossed paths with Buffy sooner or in a different way.

And all of these guys became villains.

Granted, for the most part, they seemed harmless, much like Jonathan in early seasons. Sure, they were a bit awkward and made us roll our eyes, but they were just a couple of nerds. However, Warren especially turned out to be a particularly alarming threat. Not only did he want to kill Buffy, he was able to con or intimidate his two relatively non-violent pals into going along with him. Andrew killed Jonathan. Warren almost killed Buffy and he did kill Tara, triggering the show's most jarring hero-to-villain transformation in Willow.

Xander could have easily become this guy. He shares just the right combination of traits with our outcast-turned-villain, Warren, to unsettle us.

Xander's a bit immature, prone to outbursts similar to temper tantrums during which he pulls no verbal punches. We see this in When She Was Bad when Buffy's decision to go after a vampire results in an attack on her friends at the library: "If you'd worked with us for five seconds you could've stopped this." In Dead Man's Party when Buffy returns from L.A. he's quick to throw jabs at her, pointing out all her flaws: "Taking off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid." This carries over to how he reacts to women when faced with rejection and criticism. This is particularly obvious in his interactions with Cordelia in season one: "I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker." (Angel). It's also shown in his general attitude toward Buffy's interest in Angel: "Hard as it may be for you to conceive, a human woman finds me attractive. I realize she's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets – and while we're on the subject, what kinda girly-name is Angel anyway?" (Teacher's Pet). This is a tendency he shares with Warren, which is scarily paralleled in how they cope with breakups.

In Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered after Cordelia breaks up with Xander, he blackmails Amy into casting a love spell on Cordy: "I want her to want me. Desperately. Then I can break up with her and subject her to the same hell she's putting me through." This is similar to the Cerebral Dampener Warren uses on his ex, Katrina, to bend her will: "She's mine. But don't worry. You can play with her all you want... after I'm done with her." The objectification of women and the desire to control them is a disturbing trait Xander and Warren share. The tendency to quell emotional distress with quick or supernatural solutions is also something Xander shares with all members of The Trio.

It could be argued the big difference between Xander and The Trio is that Xander is part of a group of friends, which keeps him on the right track. He was accepted by a few key people and given a purpose greater than himself, which came with a bit of power. Acceptance, purpose, and power were things all members of The Trio were lacking, and they all went to desperate lengths to achieve them. It's more than a little creepy to think that Xander was an encounter or two away from being a potential villain. It's a little too close for comfort.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #109 - Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. No.

Format: DVD

1) The early 2000s have a lot of truly underrated gems, especially from Disney. Along with The Emperor’s New Groove and Treasure Planet, Atlantis: The Lost Empire is probably one of the most underrated and overlooked films in their catalogue. Which is a true shame because it is such a great film.

2) This film opens with the city of Atlantis being washed away by a great flood, but if there was originally an alternate opening featuring vikings with the Shepard’s Journal in search of the fabled city. I prefer the opening we have, but you can watch the viking prologue if you want.

3) Michael J. Fox as Milo Thatch.

I saw this movie when it first came out in June of 2001. I fell in love with Back to the Future in February of 2009. So when I realized Marty McFly and Milo Thatch were one in the same my love for this film only grew. Fox brings a sincere enthusiasm to Milo, and like with the best voice acting you forget that you’re listening to Michael J. Fox. He BECOMES Milo, the guy who has to deal with everyone doubting him while still clinging true to his beliefs. It is a great character supported by an incredible actor.

4) There is a nice juxtaposition between how Helga sets up Mr. Whitmore (“Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite. Much.”) and the quirky little nut Mr. Whitmore actually is.

An enigmatic man who I would’ve liked to know more of, Whitmore is a little eccentric but comes off as a good hearted man. His relationship with Milo’s grandfather seems to be the defining thing in his life, so much so that he’s funding a multi-million (1914 million) dollar expedition to find a myth. John Mahoney (best known for the role of Frasier’s father on Frasier) gives a strong performance in his little bit of time, but this film is filled with strong voice over performances so it is no wonder his stacks up.

5) This line was improvised by Michael J. Fox:

Milo [after he throws up from being seasick]: “Carrots. Why is it always carrots? I didn’t even have carrots!”

6) Animated films tend to be short and with the added benefit of exaggeration need to establish personalities of supporting characters IMMEDIATELY. This is very true of the expedition’s crew. This starts with Jim Varney as Cookie, a hillbilly type who fits Varney’s comedic styling very nicely. Varney passed away before filming was complete, leaving some lines to have a stand in, but his life is in Cookie all the way.

Helga: “The men need their four basic food groups.”

Cookie [holding up three fingers]: “I’ve got your four basic food groups! Beans, bacon, whiskey, & lard!”

7) Oh my god Vinny.

Every line out of Vinny’s mouth is glorious! Voiced by Don Novello, Novello makes Vinny his own in the same way that James Woods made Hades his own in Hercules. I saw a behind the scenes featurette for this film way back when that said Novello improv-d a lot of lines and most of them are included in the film. Vinny is hysterical, with his penchant for blowing things up and dead pan delivery. The crew is made up of a bunch of great individuals & Vinny is no exception.

8) Rourke...

Rourke is the captain of the expedition and - after the film’s twist - turns out to be the main villain. Voiced by James Garner, Rourke is honestly at his most interesting towards the end when he can be a ruthless bad guy. Up until that point he’s a pretty good commander and seems like an honest man. But looks can be deceiving.

9) There are so many jokes you don’t get in these movies when you were a kid (just wait until I do Shrek). For example:

Mole [about his dirt from different countries]: “England must never merge with France!”

10) Although Vinny is awesome, there’s a good chance that Sweets is my favorite crew member in the film.

He’s fast talking, genuinely kind, a good doctor, and when the crew needs to start acting like bad guys he’s the first to abandon Rourke and his selfish quest (although much more quietly than the other characters). Phil Morris - like the other actors - breathes such life and personality into Sweets that you don’t even question that he’s real.

11) I love the wit in this film.

Sweets [presenting Milo with the vials presented above]: “Here, I’m going to need you to fill these up.”

Milo: “WITH WHAT!?”

12) And to round out the crew, Audrey.

Like most of the crew, we learn more about Audrey in a pivotal scene later. But when we first meet her she’s already impressive. Just a teenager, Audrey is the head engineer on the expedition and tough as nails. She knows her shit and is tough as hell, but that’s not why she’s awesome. Well, that’s not the ONLY reason she’s awesome. But more on that later.

13) The Leviathan.

Mike Mignola, the creator and artist behind the character Hellboy, is credited as a production designer on this film. Nowhere is his influence more clearly scene than the leviathan, the mechanical sea beast meant to defend the entrance to Atlantis. It is an impressive feat of imagination and animation, a creature which is truly menacing in both size and design. The leviathan and its attack on the submarine crew could quite well be the best part of this film.

13.5) Why does a science expedition have battle stations? I mean, now we know because they’re mercenaries. But did this not raise any red flags?

14) God bless Packard. I’m not even sure what her role on the ship is besides announcer, but god bless her.

15) The pivotal scene for so many of these characters in this film is when Milo eats with them for the first time and we get their backstory.

Sweets’ of mixed descent, part black part Native American (I believe he said he’s Navajo). He studied to be a doctor when he got enlisted in the army.

Audrey’s father wanted sons, one to run his auto shop and another to become world boxing champion. Her sister has a shot at the title.

Vinny’s family owned a flower shop and when the business next door blew up, “It was like a sign from god! I found myself in that ‘boom.’”

And then of course we get this line.

Milo: “What’s Mole’s story?”

Sweets: “Trust me on this one. You don't wanna know. Audrey, don't tell him. You shouldn't have told me, but you did. And now I'm tellin' you, you don’t wanna know.”

You see THIS is what fleshes out these characters. Its this one scene which makes them more than jokes or stereotypes or archetypes, but real people. We get their conflict, their history. We learn of Audrey’s family, of Vinny’s boredom with flowers, or Sweets’ history in the army. THIS is what makes the film standout in the way it does.

16) Kida.

It’s too bad Atlantis didn’t do too well at the box-office, otherwise Kida might take her place among the official Disney Princess line. Along the same lines as Mulan, Kida is a warrior princess. A woman who can kick ass but also loves her father and her people very dearly. Cree Summer is an accomplished actress in the voice over world, with Kida possibly being one of her finest roles. Kida is tough but never mean, curious but never overbearing, capable but able to form a meaningful relationship with Milo (while also not being too over the top lovey dovey), and just an all around great character.

17) Hey look, its Spock!

Leonard Nimoy has had a number of voice over roles, particularly in the 21st century. Its nice hearing him in this, even if we don’t get to spend too much time with the king.

18) So you know the trope of a 100+ year old vampire forming a slightly weird relationship with a much younger woman?

Well...

19) The betrayal of the crew wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much as it does if it weren’t for the scene where we get all their backstories.

Notably we don’t get the backstories of the two most evil characters in the film: Rourke & Helga. This is when Rourke becomes REALLY interesting and when James Garner has a lot of fun as the bad guy. He’s a brute! A bully! He’s ruthless, pretty much kills the king, beats on Milo when he’s down, all while cracking a jock and flexing his impressive muscles for a 60+ year old man. Rourke doesn’t get enough credit as a Disney bad guy in my opinion.

20) I love this.

Milo [after Rourke asks him to translate better]: “I know, why don’t you translate AND I’LL WAVE THE GUN AROUND!”

I live for heroes telling bad guys who are “in control” to f*** off.

21) The entire crystal chamber scene is just absolutely gorgeous. The early 2000s were noteworthy for frequent mingling of hand drawn and computer animation, with Atlantis being one of the finest examples of it.

Also this shot is gorgeous:

22) I never got this line.

Rourke (after his crew decide to stick with Milo & the Atlanteans): “PT Barnum was right.”

Only now do I know one of Barnum's famous quotes is, "There's a sucker born every minute." And I had to google it.

22.5) Fun fact: Joss Whedon worked on the story for this film! For you Whedonites out there, doesn’t “PT Barnum was right.” sound like a very Whedon-y line?

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

23) Okay, as a child and even now I was OBSESSED with crystalized Rourke.

Like that image is just very memorable to me, especially after Rourke was supposedly killed by being encased in crystal. It’s too bad we only got a minute or so of it before the airship crashed, but damn that’s just the coolest thing to me. If there are any Kingdom Hearts fans reading this, imagine this: A Rourke boss fight, where after you beat him the first time you have to fight his crystal form and its an even tougher fight.

24) And of course Milo stays in Atlantis at the end, because it is what he and his grandfather sent their entire lives searching for. What would be the point of returning to the surface where either A) no one will believe him, or B) people will believe him and try to take advantage of this culture they found? It’s a great ending which makes a lot of sense.

I love Atlantis. It’s one of my favorite Disney films, but it maybe wouldn’t be if it weren’t so underrated. If you’re a fan of action, adventure, Disney, animation, or heck, even Stargate, I think you’ll enjoy this film.

[terencehawkins]

Copy of ROSEANNE, PIZZAGATE. TRUMP--and now QANON

Yesterday, adherents of the QAnon conspiracy theory appeared front-and-center, self-identified with t shirts and signs, at a Trump rally.  Future historians will consider this to be an inflection point as stark as the Reichstag Fire.  QAnon is a disordered Messianic fantasy in which Donald Trump and elite units of the military are poised to strike--in a countercoup called "the Storm"--against a globalist Deep State conspiracy comprising not only the Clintons, Obama, the Democratic Party, the diplomatic corps, and the media, but also many Hollywood figures, and in its more baroque manifestations, Freemasons and of course Jews.  The Deep State's objective?  World dominion and protection of its network of camps, farms, and bordellos stocked with brainwashed children for their pedophile Satanic orgies.

I am not making this up.

That these mental defectives feel comfortable publicly acknowledging their delusions at a Presidential rally marks another several turns in our tightening spiral down history's drain.  The post below originally appeared June 4 and addresses not only the underlying tenets of the cult, but the Administration's ties to it.

 Lovable caricature of a blue collar mom--though oddly I don't recall my own blue-collar mom ever comparing black people to apes--Roseanne Barr is notable not only for racism, Islamophobia, and antisemitism, but an affinity for conspiracy theories.  Leaving aside the question of whether the former are characteristic of Trumpism, there's no doubt that the latter is.

Barr herself latched onto some deeply troubled storylines long before her faceplant last week.  Her posts on 4Chan--a message board that seems to be peopled by the kind of guys with homemade tattoos that you see running rides at carnivals--approvingly reference not only the now-well-known fantasy that liberal billionaire George Soros is a former Nazi zonderkommando, but the more obscure notion that Donald Trump has secretly liberated hundreds of children a month from sex slavery.  (A later post will address the alt.right's obsession with pedophilia.)  Ask yourself who could believe that Donald Trump could do a good deed in secret and wonder how Barr is allowed to have a driver's license.

The conspiracy theory is, of course, an element in the Trump toolbox as essential as the hammer.    After all, his political career was launched in Birtherism, a racist fantasy that seemed to be predicated on the assumption that no black person could legitimately achieve the presidency.  As we've spun further and further down the Trumpworld rabbit hole, many of us have forgotten the rallies in which he gleefully announced to cheering goobers that he "couldn't believe" what his "investigators" were "digging up" in Hawaii.   We have also forgotten the press conference, during the campaign,  at which he proclaimed that Obama had been born in America, without explanation or apology.

That's all been buried under the mountain ranges of brazen bullshit he's shoveled out since--historic inauguration crowds, massive voter fraud depriving him of a popular vote win, Spygate one week, Mueller tampering with the midterms the next.  

There are two alternative explanations for the primacy of the conspiracy theory in Trump's public worldview.  One is a cynical recognition of the gullibility of his trailer-park constituency and the ease with which its resentment can be directed at elites.  The other is much, much darker.

PIZZAGATE

As noted above, Roseanne is fixated on child sex trafficking.  This is nothing new on the fringe right.  But a year ago, it spawned a theory so bereft of supporting evidence and connection with consensus reality that it may have killed political satire for a generation. And almost wound up killing real people as well --Pizzagate.

It's impossible to recite the elements of the theory with a straight face.  But here they are: Prominent Democrats, including John Podesta and Hillary Clinton, are pedophiles.

Wait.  Really.  There's more.

Being pedophiles, they need a steady supply of children to rape.  (Please imagine Hillary Clinton having sex with a child or adult of either gender and tell me whether you still want to live.  Bet you don't!)  So they're part of an international ring of pedophiles that kidnaps children and sells them into sex slavery.

But wait--you said there'd be pizza!

And there is.  Several of the hacked Podesta and DNC emails referred to a nice family  place in the Chevy Chase neighborhood of  DC called Comet Ping Pong Pizza.  Apparently some DNC staffers liked to hang out there.  For reasons still unclear, elements of the alt.right, being apprised of those references, decided that must have been where Podesta, Hillary, and all their Democratic chums were violating kids in the basement. 

Well, duh.  Where else, right?

The first Facebook posts on the "story" appeared in late October 2016.  Yes, just before the election.  Almost immediately it went viral, spraying across the twitterverse like projectile diarrhea.  Later investigation found that many of the originating accounts were owned by what we now know were Russian bots.  But many of the likes and retweets came from Trump operatives, including Michael Caputo.   For a brilliant and very detailed account of the original story and its social-media-abetted spread, see these articles in Rolling Stone and Reveal.

Of course it didn't stop with a couple of kazillion retweets.  Celebrated fantasist and bankrupt-in-waiting Alex Jones lit up Infowars with new and improved versions of the story that included Satanic blood ceremonies; apparently, once Hillary had satisfied her desires with shrieking tween girls--not making this up--he slaked her bloodlust by chopping them up for convenient disposal.  

Other outlets informed their breathless consumers that Comet Ping Pong's menu contained coded clues as to what was going on in the basement--"CP" stood not for "Cheese Pizza" but "Child Pornography."

Oh. Right!

Shortly mottled marsh-dweller Steve Bannon stirred in his sodden weeds and got Breitbart onto the bandwagon.  Not to be outdone by other sites touting confirmation by entirely imaginary NYPD investigations, Breitbart Radio went right to the top in an interview with Blackwater Security founder and major Trump donor Erik Prince--remember that name--who not only confirmed the story but expanded on it, adding details like multiple trips to Caribbean sex islands on a private jet owned by Clinton-pardoned financier Mark Rich.  Hoo boy--is that Hillary evil, or what?

But things worked out as they worked out and the Russkis nudged the Electoral College Trump's way.  The story, unfortunately, did not end there. 

A couple of weeks after the election a sad addled man named Edgar Welch armed himself with an AR 15--the Schizo Special--and drove up to DC to free those poor kids from the Comet Ping Pong basement sex dungeon. 

But Comet Ping Pong doesn't have a basement.  

One can only imagine his frustrated rage as he bounced around the kitchen flipping open doors in his desperate search for freshly-violated children and still-engorged Democrat Satanists looking for more.  Luckily he didn't go the usual crazed-gunman route and shoot up the place before turning the weapon on himself.  He did let one round go, though, before surrendering to the SWAT team, which I'm sure for the people who were there was plenty.

TRUMP AND PIZZAGATE

Remember when I told you to note the name of Erik Prince?  There was a reason for that.

Erik Prince delivered a full-throated and highly detailed endorsement of the Clinton pedophilia fantasy on Breitbart Radio.  Breitbart is controlled by Steve Bannon, who in addition to tireless advocacy for a healthy lifestyle succeeded Russian vampire Paul Manafort as Trump's campaign manager.  Breitbart is bankrolled by Robert and Rebekah Mercer, who, with Bannon, control the now-bankrupt Cambridge Analytica, the datamining and psychometrics firm that microtargeted Facebook ads--possibly with Russian assistance--during the 2016 election.

But that's beside the point.  Prince is the brother of Betsy DeVos, the famously uninformed and inarticulate Secretary of Education.  But wait--there's more!  Not only is Prince the sibling of a member of the cabinet, but also an apparition that appears Zelig-like every time the Trumps are doing dirt.  For example, Prince met with a Russian plutocrat, Kiril Dmietriev, in the Seychelles a week before the inauguration in what now appears to have been part of the effort to set up a Washington-Moscow back channel.  He's also separately proposed that the war in Afghanistan be privatized and the President create a separate spy network reporting directly to him, outside the normal intelligence structure, and presumably beyond oversight.

So to recap: You have a Trump contributor, the brother of a Trump cabinet member, going on a media outlet owned by Trump's campaign manager, to support the claim that the Clintons are pedophile sex traffickers.   

But wait--there's more!  In addition, Prince has been circulating the truly crazy notion that George Soros--the billionaire that antisemitic nutters love to hate--is financing a Clinton-backed coup against the Trump administration.  It's called the Purple Revolution.  Why?  Are you blind?  Because both Clintons wore purple when she conceded the election!

Christ, do I have to paint a picture?  Draw a map?  All the evidence is right there!

 TRUMPWORLD AND CONSPIRACIES

As I said earlier, there are two potential explanations for Trump's penchant for the conspiracy theory.  The first being the more benign--his people like them.  The rubes who continue to support him feel as though their rightful place in the world has been usurped by mysterious forces beyond their understanding or control---China, immigrants, globalists, tree-huggers, black presidents--why not tie them all together?  And God knows he never pays a price for it--we've forgotten Birtherism, which is about as crazy and blatantly racist a slander as has ever disgraced American politics.  Yet there he is in the White House.

But there is an explanation much darker.  And that is that Trump believes these mad fantasies.  Not because he's insane.  But because he knows they can happen.  If the bare essentials of what's out there so far are true, it is entirely possible that the Russians used an already-compromised American businessman to launder money and spread nutty lies about a popular President.  They encouraged him to run for President himself as a vehicle for further disinformation.  They hooked him up with a campaign manager already in their pocket, who in turn led him to a social media consultants they  could work with.  And much to their surprise he won.

Trump really believes in conspiracy theories.  Because he's deep in a conspiracy himself.

[justkeepshuffling]

21 Albums From 2017 Ranked

I probably don't need to explain anything since nobody really seeks my opinion on these matters, but this isn't a "Best Of 2017" from a guy who digests ton's of releases.  These are albums that were (mostly) already on my radar by bands I already enjoy and I'm listing those particular albums in order of my level of enjoyment.  It's been a few years since I've done this, but I'm working overtime until 4am and what better way to stay awake and stimulated?  Ah, music...

21) Circa Survive - 'The Amulet'

I literally downloaded this album and never listened to it.  I think I checked out two music videos and thought, "This seems pretty Circa Survive".  I technically still haven't fully digested 'Violent Waves'.  Sometimes that happens for me.  Someone puts out a record before I've fully absorbed the prior one and I just never catch up accordingly.  My full listen through 2014's 'Descensus' did nothing for me, unfortunately.  I'm not sure if these guys are doing any reinventing.  It mostly feels like mid tempo monotony. 

20) Maroon 5 - ‘Red Pill Blues’

This album holds a special place in my heart since my daughter really took to the single “What Lovers Do (Feat. SZA)”.  When my wife told me this was her favorite song I thought she was just being a cute Mom.  Winds up no matter how fussy she is, the baby stops and smiles when the opening starts.  I could go on about how I miss Maroon 5 having real drums and how little James Valentine gets to let his guitar shine (especially after releasing such a beautiful signature model Ernie Ball guitar), but there’s catchy material all over the place. It’s the Adam Levine show and nobody wants to get off that money train, understandably.  At least I can always think of a beautiful little newborn enjoying music with her beautiful Mama when I think of this album.

19) Kelly Clarkson - 'Meaning Of Life'

Yet another album I never got a front to back session with.  When tracks come up on shuffle I'm usually impressed though.  Once again, I never gave 2015's 'Piece By Piece' a full front to back, nor 2011's 'Stronger'.  I was too busy being in love with 2009's 'All I Ever Wanted', which still stands as her masterpiece. 

18) Less Art - 'Strangled Light'

If you know anything about me, you're probably aware my love for anything Thrice related.  This band features the brotherly rhythm section of Riley Breckenridge (drums) and Eddie Breckenridge (bass in Thrice/guitar in Less Art) so I had to investigate.  While the post hardcore soundtrack is within my taste, the vocal delivery, sadly is not.  I'm a melody man, myself.  I cannot say enough good things about the production.  This is how guitars should sound.  The low end is so thick and distinct.  Everything cuts through.  The guitars are heavy but you hear every note within the chords.  Just beautiful.  Hats off to the engineer, producer and mixer for achieving tonal supremacy.

17) The Killers - 'Wonderful Wonderful'

I may have fizzled out on this band with 'Battle Born', but I was hopeful.  After a full once over, I don't find myself coming back to this often.  Standard rock record, but maybe a little wavering and uninspired.  If they continue putting out records for another decade or so, I'd be curious what gets played from this particular collection.

16) St. Vincent - 'Masseduction'

There's something about Annie Clark.  When I stop and think about her entire catalog, I sometimes ponder if she's overrated.  I honestly think she's just so damn cool that it's hard to say anything negative about her.  She certainly has some great songs and she's a phenomenal guitarist.  I tend to cherry pick with her songs.  I was a bit thrown off by the creative choices on this album.  I certainly don't worship at the altar of Jack Antinoff so I don't understand why everyone seeks him out as a producer (Note: his taste in women is uniquely questionable).  The production is bare, all electronic drums, and less guitar than I would have hoped.  Standout tracks like "New York" and "Los Ageless" are catchy but not much else gripped me.  Expectations are high post Grammy win.  I felt a little let down.

15) Katy Perry - 'Witness'

Speaking of high expectations...  Katy's part of the pop machine now.  The songwriting credits on this album are absurdly astronomical.  2013's 'Prism' was mature and inviting with real raw moments mixed in with the colorful fun.  The few moments on ‘Witness’ that had real possibility didn't pop where they needed.  "Chained To The Rhythm" had a ton of potential but the chorus lacked the brightness to make it stand out.  It just fell flat, like most of the album.  The pre-release tag of “Purposeful Pop” bit her in the ass post-release.  My theory, there were probably 30+ songs written (some of which were, in fact, social conscious) but didn’t make the final cut.  A week prior to the release, there were still only two titles out of about thirteen that were listed on iTunes, which I feel proves she was slighted by the powers that be.  If you don't have full say in your career decisions, maybe don’t make bold statements about your upcoming album.

14) Weezer - 'Pacific Daydream'

I walked into this album expecting disappointment.  2016's self-titled "White Album" was right on par with every other self-titled color release in their catalog as their best work.  Seeing another album coming down the pipe a year later that had an off title left me uneasy.  This album is in a similar vein, albeit not as great as it's predecessor.  It plays a bit more like a good b-sides record from those album sessions.  Very worth the listen, and makes up for some of the mess that 'Hurley' and 'Raditude' left on their hands.

13) Envy On The Coast - 'Ritual'

This EP has been explained as a revisiting of old idea's through the lense of the reformed present.  While Envy On The Coast is "back", it's missing three original members.  When your drummer is as incredible as Dan Gluszak, it's noticeable when he's not there.  I've had many discussions about how a band is never the same after losing their drummer.  It's such a strong part of the blueprint.  I'm not overly familiar with Dillinger Escape Plan's Billy Rymer, but the drumming on this release could have been done by anyone.  Envy vocalist Ryan Hunter drummed on 2010's 'Lowcountry' with descent results, I'm not sure why they didn't go that route again.  Songs like "Virginia Girls" sit right in play with where they had left off.  The songs are a bit straight forward/on the nose.  Perhaps some of the songwriting flare left with the eloped members.  I think this release was to get the lingering idea's of the past out of their system so they can properly attack a full length album next.  Considering how meandering all the post breakup projects were, I'm excited for the future.

12) Glassjaw - 'Material Control'

Fifteen years between full lengths is not ideal.  Most began to give up hope on this mystery record.  That Billy Rymer kid played on this album too!  Unlike 2002's 'Worship & Tribute', some of the songs tend to blend together with only a few true standouts.  Further parallels with Envy on the Coast include writing songs without an official drummer.  With Daryl and Beck doing all the heavy lifting, I can't help but feel that when the time comes to show a studio drummer 12 songs, structure gets watered down.  The tracks lack a sense of adventure, complexity, hard left turns. The vocals are buried in the mix at times, which lends itself to the aggressive bite of the guitar/bass attack.  Alas, it's just nice having something come out finally.

11) Foo Fighters - 'Concrete & Gold'

As my wonderful bass player Joey P. said, "After two career defining albums late in your career, this is the inevitable letdown".  The man is a wordsmith.  Sad but true, and yet...  it's worth noting their mediocre effort is still better than most.  The Greg Kurstin production choice makes zero sense, still.  I think Dave thought it would yield something incredible and people would be amazed by his oddball idea that really paid off.  It did not.  The musicianship is always crisp, so they can hang their hat on that since the songs aren't something you'll come back to again and again.  This is sadly a mostly forgettable album by the biggest band in the world.

10) Haim - 'Something To Tell You'

I waited years for this album.  Chomping at the bit.  Anxious.  Excited.  Impatient.  Guess what...  I barely listen to the damn thing.  I was obsessed with their debut.  Every song was perfectly crafted.  There's some real head scratching moments on this album.  Like producer Rostam Batmanglij using an obvious vocal effect he used on Vampire Weekend albums.  One song features awkward silence as a bridge.  The closer "Right Now" has this off beat drum loop that is damn near impossible to follow which takes you way out of the song because you're trying to nail down the confusing timing.  The girls still shine, and perhaps I just forget that the album is there but I thought with the amount of time invested in writing and recording it would be at least on par with their first album.

9) Brand New - 'Science Fiction'

The elephant in the room.  Sexual misconduct allegations aside, I'm going to concentrate on the music because there's three other band members who invested everything into creating this album and discrediting them would be a disservice to their efforts.  That being said, I listened to this album a lot.  People lost their minds over this surprise release.  I did not.  I was excited, yes.  But let's be clear, peoples obsessive nature for this band clouded their judgment.  It's a good album.  It's not the masterpiece people sold it as.  Considering their penchant for reinvention via back to back releases like 2003's 'Deja Entendu' and 2006's 'The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me', which both served as career defining milestones, an eight year wait should have yielded a much more refined and impressive product.  Still, this record is more tainted by Jesse Lacey's admittance of exploiting his status to take advantage of female fans more than the fact that a very good record isn't a great record.  Who'd have thought that their cheeky T-shirts saying "Brand New 2001-2018" was a much more ambitious timeline than they had anticipated...

8) Portugal. The Man - "Woodstock"

Just a good catchy rock record from a great workhorse of a band.  "Feel It Still" getting radio play should be a victory for us all.  There's a lot of winning moments on this record.  They deserve every bit of success they've worked so long to achieve. 

7) Bush - 'Black & White Rainbows'

Yes, I like Bush.  Gavin is the reason I switched to guitar and became a front man.  Since their "reformation", this music has been questionable, at best.  I hadn't realized how much Nigel and Dave reigned in the songs until they were absent from the process.  Most of Gavin Rossdale's lyrics in the 2010's are complete garbage.  Just meaningless phrases thrown against the wall.  How many ways can one phrase "Don't lose yourself", you ask?  Aside from "what the hell does that even mean?", too many ways apparently.  Here's the thing about this album for me...  I loved the production.  The dry, tight drum sound spoke to me.  The guitars/amps had a vintage pawn shoppe vibe.  It was Hi-fi Lo-fi done to perfection.  Then, out of nowhere...  months later the album is re-released as a "Remaster" with a completely different track listing, two new songs and the lead single has an extended outro chorus.  Lead guitarist Chris Traynor didn't have an answer as to why this happened.  It helped the drums cut through harder and the kick became more vibrant.  It was the right call.  I just wish I was able to blast this album with windows down without feeling embarrassed someone's going to hear the lyrics and lose all respect for me.

6) Dreamcar - 'Dreamcar'

What happens when you mix all the core dudes from No Doubt and AFI's Davey Havok?  You get 80's pop rock bliss!  I was super excited to hear this album and I probably don't listen to it as often as I should.  Not having any expectations or label constraints truly comes across in the music.  It's the musicianship you've come to expect from Tom, Adrian and Tony with the vocal theatrics of later-era AFI with touches of The Cure, Kraftwerk, and countless other New Wave/Post Punk influences.

5) SAINTE - 'Smile & Wave'

I wasn't familiar with Tay Jardine's prior band We Are The In Crowd.  I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon this band.  Maybe Youtube?  Either way, this 7 song EP blew me away.  The production is pristine.  The drums sound huge, the guitars and bass are so full, almost like an Eric Valentine produced record without the gritty/metallic/digital tinge he sometimes gets.  The melodies soar, they're memorable, they're fun.  I wish they had perhaps waited and recorded another 3 songs to make a proper full length.  I can't imagine the challenges of being a female rock vocalist in a post-Paramore landscape but if this is a band finding it's leg's, the future is incredibly bright.

4) Minus The Bear - 'VOIDS'

I'm realizing drummers are a recurring theme in this post.  Minus The Bear traditionally wrote the foundation of their records with guitarist Dave Knudson and drummer Erin Tate.  After Erin's vague dismissal, they had to regroup.  It's odd hearing a release without the heavy handed hi-hat work, but it still feels like a Minus The Bear album.  A casual listener may not take notice, but it's certainly an adjustment with keyboardist Alex Rose taking lead vocals on 3 of the 10 tracks.  While some tracks hit the mark, there's a few slow drones in the mix.  The only unfortunate moment is the climactic ending on closer "Lighthouse". The "A Day In The Life" style noisy build to a cool 16-bit, glitchy, audible seizure seems like an idea they tacked on to a song that was in the same key but doesn't quite follow the songs chord progression.  It confuses the musician in me.  Sometimes you have to let an idea go, no matter how much you love it.  Serve the song.  This was a transitional period navigated better than most.  The next release will be the true test of their ability to gel with the new method of songwriting.

3) Incubus - '8'

So many polarizing, conflicting feelings with this album.  How do you wrap your head around an album with such catchy songs yet such garbage production?  Let's start with the negatives.  This album is really only 9 songs.  The instrumental track is a total throwaway and the mariachi joke song "When I Became A Man" should have been a hidden track at best.  If you combine the prior EP "Trust Fall Side-A", you have a proper full length to be proud of.  Now let's talk production.  Holy hell, it's God awful.  Dave Sardy apparently made Brandon do a million vocal takes and when his voice was good and shredded, used the last wreck of a take.  Guitarist Mike Einziger, a Harvard grad, and a wildly underrated and innovative guitarist had the batshit crazy idea to have Skrillex come in and mix the album.  Dr. Wubwub Laptop Millionaire went even further and restructured songs and removed pre chorus' on top of it.  I'm hoping for the 20 year anniversary edition of this album they'll release the album we should have received.  I want to know Incubus' vision and perhaps a proper mix that doesn't sound like noisy kids trying to blow out your car speakers.  The redemption?  It's hooky as hell.  There's a reason these guys are huge.  They write catchy rock songs.  There's a few odd lyrical moments, but I can get past it.  Lead single "Nimble Bastard" is way to similar to the aforementioned EP's "Dance Like You're Dumb".  I'm still hoping to find out the "vision" for this album.  If I had to guess, they wanted a hard hitting gritty garage rock sound that was a nod to their debut full length 'S.C.I.E.N.C.E.' to compliment/balance the more refined rock they currently create.  Still, nothing will touch 2011's Brendan O'Brien produced 'If Not Now, When?'.  This album might have been a knee jerk reaction to the atmospheric, sparse, mellow vibe of that record.  I would have been equally as happy with a continuation of that mindset.  Though, a hard rock record still feels right for this band.

2) Paramore - 'After Laughter'

The last time I did one of these lists was 2013, and Paramore's self titled album was my number one pick that year.  Here we are in 2018, reviewing 2017 and boy was it close.  So close!  I probably listened to this album the most over the course of the year.  Negate the artsy back patting exploration of "No Friend", which serves nothing more to the album than a self indulgent excuse to have the Me Without You singer inaudibly mumble over a painfully droning outro to "Idol Worship", and you have a perfect record.  Now that we have that out of the way, we can discuss everything they did right with this album.  The 80's aesthetic even has a place in the experience.  After the prior albums brilliance, it was a logical move to stick with producer Justin Meldal-Johnsen.  Where the prior album had bells, whistles and flourishes all over the place; 'After Laughter' has a more spacious sound.  Not to say if you don't pay close attention you won't find wonderful additions all over the place, but the production and mix on this album was a bit more bare bones.  The structures are simpler, the songs are dancier, and the flow is damn near perfect.  The guitars shine when necessary, and the neck pickup finds it's place on the bouncier riffs.  Zac Farro's return to the drum riser shows off what he learned in his time away.  Groove.  The drumming is not that of a rock drummer.  It's someone who's peppering in rhythmic atmosphere and holding back when necessary.  I was so invested in the upbeat tone of the music that I hadn't noticed the writing on the wall.  The lyrics should have tipped me off that things weren't so great in Hayley Williams' camp.  When she announced her very quick post nuptial split from NFG microphone hog Chad Gilbert, the information was in front of us the entire time.  The dark lyricism over the backdrop of uplifting tunes is reminiscent of early Saves The Day records, which, considering the reach of their influence was likely a conscious decision.  This might not have been a step forward in their sound, but a playfully necessary sidestep for a band that felt they were maturing faster than they wanted to.

1) Michelle Branch - 'Hopeless Romantic'

Oh the shit-eating grin on my face right now.  I didn't expect this either.  But holy effing hell!  What an album!  I downloaded this out of sheer curiosity.  2017 was the year of overdue albums and this one beat Glassjaw and Brand New by a mile.  It seemed odd for such a big pop star to go without releasing a full length for fourteen years.  Then to find out she had the Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney producing/performing seemed really interesting.  Winds up the guy is incredible at producing.  Every song is a perfectly crafted pop song.  Not bubble gum pop, but rock songs that could all be radio singles.  If I had to chose a criticism, it would be that "Knock Yourself Out" sounds too Michelle Branch-y.  Like, the Michelle Branch of the early aught's.  There's a vintage feel to the soundscape.  The bass is plucky, the drums are dry and punchy, and the melodies are what dreams are made of.  This collection has been a reminder that you can worry about a million aspects of a song, but a solid catchy melody is what we're all looking for.  It's brought me back to what truly counts in song writing.  A song you can sing along to.  There's not much more I can say about this album.  My inability to dissect this album is truly it's strong suit.  When a great song works, it just works.  Sometimes it comes together so quick you can't even explain the process.  Imagine that 12 times over.  Sometimes it's that simple.