#me when i turn the page to kill that fucking gnome

[graveyartblog]

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my direct and chosen actions

[aliwritesfic]

The Night Shift Part 9 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

Summary: Your first night at Frankies, yearning mostly . . . no hanky panky! (yet 👀)

Warnings: Talk of abuse, talk of death of loved ones

W/C: 2.2k

Spotify

Part 1 Part 10

Frankie was buzzing with adrenaline as he drove you and Manny back to the restaurant. His hand hurt slightly, but he couldn’t stop think about how damn goodit felt to punch Kurt in the face, how when he heard the fear in your voice, everything turned red. How it took everything not to crush the vermin under his boot. But, he would unpack those feelings later, preferably over a case of beer with the boys. They, of all people, would understand.

You got out of the truck to say goodbye to Manny, and Frankie didn’t miss how you rubbed your lower back, how even from where he sat, he could see the ring of a bruise blossoming around your wrist.

“Sorry that took so long,” you said, climbing back into the truck. Frankie glanced at the clock on the dash – barely five minutes had passed. “Are you completely sure it’s okay I stay with you?”

“I want you to stay,” Frankie said. “Please, don’t get it in your head that you’re an inconvenience. I know you well enough by now to see that’s exactly where you’re heading.”

You laughed weakly. “I hate that you’re right,” you said, “I’m just not used to having extra help.” Frankie nodded, and waited for you to continue. “For a second in there, before you and Manny came in . . .I was terrified. I forgot I wasn’t alone and I – thank you, for what you did in there. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come in when you did.”

You slumped back in your seat and closed your eyes.

“I think this whole thing got rid of my hangover, though,” you joked.

“You’re young enough that you can bounce back quickly from hangovers,” Frankie said, taking the obvious hint for a change in the subject.

“Please, you’re barely older than me,” you said. “You’re like, what? Thirty?”

“Thirty-two,” Frankie corrected.

“Oh my apologies, you’re ancient,” you said with a roll of your eyes. Frankie grinned and shook his head. It amazed him how easily you could still make a joke, despite everything you had been through today alone.

It was almost sunset when he pulled up to his home. Golden light splayed across your features, making you glow. Stunning. The thought was in Frankie’s mind before he could stop it. You turned to smile at him.

“Nice gnomes,” you said gesturing to the dozens of gnomes of varying sizes that were scattered around Frankie’s front garden. He rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced.

“Thanks. My Abuelo used to give me one every Christmas, right up until he died last year.”

“I’m sorry,” you said your voice sincere, “I know how hard that is.”

Frankie shrugged, not wanting to talk about how after his Abuelo died, he made himself sick with grief. Instead, he chose to share something happier. “He used to hide things in them, since they’re all hollow. Sometimes it would be candy, or money. Once he hid my first iPod in one.”

“Sounds like he was a cool dude,” you said and Frankie nodded.

“He was the coolest,” Frankie agreed.

You were quiet for a few moments, holding your arms across your chest. The toll of the day was written plainly on your face, weariness lending itself to the dark circles under your eyes, to the way your shoulders curled inwards. Without thinking about it, Frankie wrapped his arms around you. You leant into the hug, burying your face into his neck. He rubbed your back gently, careful to avoid the spot he knew you were still hurting. You stood like that for a while, warmth leeching into him, and when you finally pulled away, you were almost quick enough to hide your damp eyes.

“Wanna go in?” Frankie asked, already feeling colder without you. He wanted to tug you back, hold you to him and not let go. You nodded, still not looking directly at him.

Inside, the house was cool and dark. Frankie tugged his cap off and placed it on a hook by the door, running a hand through his curls to fluff them up. He was suddenly more self-conscious than he had ever been before. He very rarely brought women back here, and when he did, he never liked them as much as he liked you.

He tried to imagine what you were thinking – were you grossed out at his unwashed breakfast plate sitting in the sink? Was the number of photos of family and friends that hung up on the walls and sat framed on every surface excessive? He didn’t remember seeing any photos like that at your apartment. But then, he also hadn’t been looking.

“It’s uh, not much,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

“It suits you,” you said. Was it a compliment? Frankie wasn’t sure, until you continued. “Like, at first, it seems a little understated, but the more I look the more I see how you it all is.” You wandered over to a shelf stuffed with books and records, most of them coming from his old room at his parents when they had cleaned out their home a few years back.

“Tell me to fuck off if I’m being nosy,” you said, tilting your head to read the spines. Most of the books were well loved classics – stuff that Frankie had read over and over until the covers became loose and pages began to fall out.

“Just don’t search the drawers in my bedroom, that’s where I keep all my vintage Playboys and a spare bag of mushrooms.”

You snorted with laughter and turned to face him properly. Your eyes were still puffy and red, but no longer teary. Frankie counted that as a victory. “You always struck me as more of an acid guy. Just like you’re striking me as a fan of Thai food?”

“Big fan, actually.”

“Excellent, I know this great place that delivers, I’ll pay.” When Frankie opens his mouth to protest, you hold a hand up silencing him. “Please, let me pay. I owe you big time for doing this, all of this, for me.”

Frankie eventually conceded, sensing that you were infinitely more stubborn than him. Thai food was ordered and delivered, the scent of the panang curry made Frankie’s mouth water. You sat across from him at the table, eyeing him. It took a few moment for Frankie to realise you had put one of his albums on – Erykah Badu, he quickly identified.

“Can I ask you something?” you said after swallowing a mouthful of pad Thai.

“Anything,” he said. Just don’t ask me how long I’ve wanted to fuck you.

“What’d you mean today, when you said it’s not my fault?”

Frankie wasn’t expecting that. “Well, all that stuff Kurt did – like trying to kill himself, that’s not your fault.” You shrugged, clearly unconvinced, so Frankie ploughed on. “It’s just a form of emotional manipulation. Do you remember Benny, the guy your friend went home with last night? His sister, Eve, kind of went through something similar. Her partner would threaten to hurt himself and her if she tried to leave. It wasn’t until she ended up in hospital that she told Benny and Will what was happening.”

You looked horrified. “Is she okay?”

Frankie made a wavering motion in the air with his hand. “Some – most days are better than others. She moved to Portland, met a really nice lady, they’re getting married in the summer.”

“Good for her,” you murmured.

“But like I said, it’s not your fault. None of it is. He’s the one to blame, if he tries anything. He’s in control of his actions, you aren’t.” Frankie’s voice was firm, and he refused to look away from you as he spoke. He needed, more than anything, for you to understand that.

The next few hours passed quietly, sitting next to each other on his worn couch, Netflix half forgotten while you drifted in and out of sleep. Eventually, when the sky turned from black to grey to pink, Frankie showed you the spare room and gave you some privacy, knowing you probably needed some time to yourself after the gruelling day. He knew that sometimes all a person needed was some time alone to process. He sat on the couch and pulled a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket.

Andi, the waitress, had given him her number, followed by three x’s and a winky face. Once, Frankie would have opened his messenger app and texted her, asking her out. But now. . . he found he wasn’t at all interested. He crumpled the paper and threw it in the trash.

~*~

How long is too long to spend in someone else’s shower? Five minutes? Ten? Until the hot water runs out? Vanilla and honey body wash? Oh, shit that smells delicious.

You kept your thoughts light, avoiding the darkness that brewed in the forefront of your mind. You felt like you were going through a billion crisis’s, so instead of focusing on any, you decided to focus on none.

You thought back to Frankie’s intense gaze as he spoke to you at dinner, how incredibly sexy it had been. You were shocked you could think something like that after the day you’d had, but the thoughts had entered unwelcome into your mind. You tucked them away for later, when you weren’t so close to him and wouldn’t feel burning shame if you looked at him.

Stepping out of the shower, you took a deep breath and decided to truly inspect the . . . damage that was done today. Your wrist was already bruising and ached slightly when you thought too much about it. You faced your back to the mirror and twisted, grimacing at the sight of the damage Kurt had caused. Your lower back, like your wrist, was bruised black and purple. You quickly wrapped a towel around yourself, hiding the damage.

Deep breath, Spud, you’re stronger than you think.

Your grandfathers voice echoed in your ears. It was what he would say to you whenever you were hurt – just fallen out of a tree and fractured your ankle, sliced your finger open cutting onions, sobbing because the boy you had convinced yourself was your soulmate at fifteen just dumped you the day after you lost your virginity to him, it was always your grandfathers voice saying those words. Your heart ached with missing him.

The room Frankie had showed you was more of a home gym with a bed shoved into the corner than anything else. There was still a scattering of things that were undeniably Frankie in the room: a pile of old boots with holes in the canvas, a greasy looking toolbox, a poster for the Brooklyn Nets with players that looked like they had wandered out of the 90s. You didn’t know much about basketball but decided to at least keep an eye on when the Nets lost so you could rag on Frankie about it.

You grabbed your bags, assessing what Manny had grabbed. God, he’s good, you thought, realising he had packed you everything you needed. You dressed and grabbed your phone, breathing a sigh of relief when it was free of messages from Kurt. You typed out a quick message to Manny.

You are truly the most amazing friend anyone can ask for <3 thanks for packing my stuff.

Then, after a few moments, you sent one to Sara.

I broke up with Kurt, should I be sadder about it?

It was 7 in the morning, but within a minute your phone was buzzing with a call from her.

“Tell me you’re not lying to me,” her voice was hushed. You could hear her moving, a door clicking shut.

“I’m not lying. It’s done.” You laid back on the bed and closed your eyes. “It was a fucking nightmare to do though.”

“Spill, what happened? Are you okay?” Sara’s voice was louder now. You gave her the rundown of everything that had happened, from the lunchtime confession to the actual breakup to how you were now sleeping in Frankie’s spare room.

“Wait – Frankie? Benny’s friend?”

“Are you still with Benny?” This was different: Sara had a policy of one night only – anything more and she claimed they’d fall in love with her.

“Of course, he has a massive dick. But back to you missy, you’re staying with Frankie?”

You sighed. “Yeah, just until I get the keys to my new place.”

“Are you gonna fuck him?” Sara sounded hopeful.

“Oh, my god! No!”

“Aw, c’mon, rebound sex is good for the soul.”

“Maybe with strangers in seedy bars who have half a chance of giving me the clap. Not with someone I-”

“-Have a huge thing for. Please, I saw it the moment you spotted him at fight night. You’re so hung up on this guy and Benny says-”

“This conversation is over, it’s my bedtime. I love you and you’re wrong.” You hung up quickly, cheeks burning with the lie. Did you want to have sex with Frankie? Desperately. At the most inappropriate of times, like when you heard the rumble of his voice through the window at work, like when you caught a glimpse of his beautiful, unique side profile, like when you were alone and allowed your thoughts to wander to what could be under his jeans.

You sighed, frustrated with yourself and rolled onto your side. If you were braver, more sure that his attraction matched yours, you would have gone to his room, crawled into bed beside him, let whatever was meant to be, be. But right now, you weren’t brave. You felt like you had used up all your courage quota for the year in a single day, which was a ridiculous sentiment.

So instead of going to Frankie’s room, like the pulsing in your underwear desperately wanted you to, you closed your eyes and tried to sleep.

Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 @1800-fight-me @annathewitch @darnitdraco @frankiecatfish @punkerthanpascal @nakhudanyx @gracie7209 @quica-quica-quica @pintsizemama @phoenix-of-loki

[dafukdidiwatch]

Fantasy High Rant (and why you should watch it)

Ok I got suggested this and I cant believe I've been sleeping on this series in the last two years. This series is freaking fantastic! I’m screaming.

Overview is this is a modern d&d fantasy land a la Onward Style, where we follow fantasy Scooby Doo gang as they try to solve the mystery of missing students while interacting with the fantastical citizens of Spyre.

I hella love it, because while it has such a great mystery of whats going on in the town, who is doing what and why, etc etc, and it just GROWS the more you watch it. You think it was something simple, but the conspiracy rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper. But to me the main pull is just seeing how our Party just interacts with everyone and each other. This is a very character driven series, which makes sense this is a d&d party, you have to get attached to the party if you want them to work together.

Fabian Seacaster: God he’s fun to watch. The rich kid high class type of character but is just has so much gusto. I love his relationship with his family, it’s adorable. He just adores his parents and his parents adore him back. Like Addams style adoration. He is a bit full of himself and arrogant and has a thing of living up to his father's legacy as well as his family name, but I think his arc is him learning that he doesn't have to define himself through his dad and can be his own person. Plus my favorite moments are him screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” because out of everyone he mostly the straight man dealing with people.

Gorgug: I just love him. He is just so sweet. He is just a gentle giant and confused all the time. I feel so bad that he keeps getting the shit end of the stick to save the rest of the party. Like the whole "stealing backpack" shit to basically set him up as the outcasts of outcasts. Granted I’m laughing my ass off when it happens, but he is just so anxious it’s cute. He is just very sweet and genuine, even if he is a little awkward. I also love him just asking if people are his dad lol he just wants to know. But when he rages he’s basically God-Tier Shaggy. 

Fig: lol her angsty teenage years finding out she isn't who she thought she was. Tbf her dad basically said she was the reason for her parents divorce soooo take that as you will. Her being the "bad girl" but also very helpful when she can is great. Her flirtatious punk attitude, the winking, and rocking bard stuff. I low key like the idea of her being with Gorgug because of the moments in Barbarian class and giving him drumsticks. And I also like her with Fabian as just a wild cool kid power couple. Also her fucking with Goldenhoarde is the best with her being sexual,with him. Its super funny.

Riz: I freaking love him. Kid detective on the case. The business cards for friendship which I mean, makes sense. His goal from day one was to find the missing girls and babysitter. I'm sorry he has a poor house to use water cereal, but his mom just loves him and I think that’s sweet. His family is the coolest and he isn’t afraid to admit how cool his family is. But he has direction, he has a mission, and he does it with determination. Plus I love how he is The Ball and everyone is just going with it and now supports it. Him fucking with Fabian is great. And I'm glad he is reconsidering his life choices after meeting the AV kids.

Adaine: She needs help. The panicking one. I mean, her family,obviously looks down on her and she is literally jealous of all the other kids parents (love the gnomes). She is learning to find her own magic her own way and trying to shatter the expectation forced on her. God I support her just fucking people up, especially with Pixie Boy.She is just trying to deal with things which honestly this adventure is getting her to open up and not take shit. Character Arc: Don’t Take Shit.

Kristen: I’m just watching a train wreck here. Like she was 100% Helios all the way. But now it is just watching her questioning everything about religion after dying. Its amazing from looking into other religion herself and just how it ALL escalates from there as she is pulled further and further away from her religion and old life. Learning that how she was raised was just so fucked. Like I'm just seeing how far this goes and if she will pick another god instead or just not be a cleric anymore.

Also I'm like never going to post a completed version of this post because I’m way too fucking obsessed. I went from ep 8 yelling about Kristen’s religious life to episode 13 plot-twist end. I basically am physically restraining myself from watching episode 15 before I type this or else this will never be typed. I can literally go off about all the characters there is just so many good moments.

Basically, check out the show yourself. It’s on Youtube, it’s hilarious. Watching the reactions and faces is just so much fun to see. 100% recommend.

Now excuse me while I scream spoilers for episode 8/13/14 underneath:

Midway through Ep 8:

Ok it was fucking Kristen! Like not her obviously, but she was the hellmouth! She was the initial sacrifice! Demon-Dad Garthox said that the Hellmouth can be opened inside a person, and Goth Kid Blane was working for the Harvestmen Helios to get that page. And lo and behold the page was in the corn vat that Kristen's book was pushed into! Coincidence? I think not!

They thought that it was somehow Adaine's magic that caused it, or the very least it was the bully,guy who chucked Kristen's book in. But no, the page was already inside her book and fell into the corn! If bully ass McGee didn't hit the book out of her hands, then she might have been the victim! Which makes sense, why not have a follower of Helios bring the end times in His name.

Which means that it could be Daybreak or her parents that gave her the page in her bible for this.

God,is this what Helios meant when it "wasn't her time?" Because she is needed as the Hellmouth Sacrifice?

And this makes the whole "sneaking into heaven" part make sense now. If Aguefort was trying to be assassinated by Helios, he could sneak into Helios Heaven and spy on them from the afterlife. He's a weird ass man I'm sure he can pull it off.

Also Fig's Dad is hella cool and I totally love him for,trying to be a parent and mature about this. Fig is totally supportive of him and I love it.

Ok I'm going back to finish episode 8 I just REALLY needed to rant about that.

Screaming about Episode 13:

The oracle was going to return,if the country was in danger. It was but she was,kidnapped/killed on an illusion ship to stop,her. Rix dad is a spy and he was 100%,super dope about it and him just finding his family secrets I was just crying like, he found his legacy, his entire family was,badasses he was so happy and took up his dad's gun for justice. Like how cool is it for a goblin spy,being small and already default evil to infiltrate that is so clever. That is what gets me on this show,is that they take these cool setting and ideas and how they are twisted to fit the fantasy. Cops? Fantasy cops. Skateboarders? Fantasy skateboarders.

Which lets be real, I think the best battle where they really,worked together was during the skateboarders.

This mystery is building and building and I,guess Penelope is,trying to,be queen,via homecoming queen which is,weird and has a Sarah berry vibe to,it. Which is fucking nuts.

Now I’m wondering if nice guy,pixie actually was in on it day 1, or if he was turned over after he was "beaten" like the bad guys offered him a way to make his dream girls his 2D pets. Which, gross. But Biz part doesn't necessarily fit with the main plot. He obv isn't behind this.

Kalvaxus is a demon with money. His money needs to be destroyed. So they are funneling his money through the banks. They used his ship in disguise to kidnap/capture/kill the oracle to prevent her from returning, which she said she would if the country was in danger. Yes the religious Harvestmen wanted to start the apocalypse via Kristen, but ass-elf diplomat said it wouldn't really work, but it would break the treaty and start war. Kalvaxus. Coach Daybreak had control,on Zane, who had control over Johnny Spells to kidnap girls, and since Alwin had a spell to find "maidens/virgins" they need the girls, either as a sacrifice or as conduits to power the arcane source. Was all of this to raise Kalvaxus from hell to the mortal world? That would explain the power source at the arcade with the trapped girls, to keep the connection going. The only,thing I can think,as to why Penelope would be as high up as she is in this conspiracy is if Kalvaxus is her dad. Which I guess,everyone has dad issues in,this group.

Side note, I appreciate how Gorgug thinks himself as,dumb but gets really smart ideas and the whole party agreed they are smart. Like,he was the first to,put 2 and 2 together about Kalvaxus== KVX bank, even if he didn't outright say it.

All,the adults are really,enjoyable,to see. I fucking love Rix’s mom shes so cool. And Gilear is actually really,pitifully funny. I wouldn't think I would like,him as much after that first episode, but he is actually hilarious being the lunch lad and just trying his best.

Live Screaming Episode 14 (lots of incoherent):

fucking He'll Riz got the drop on Biz but he fumbled the attack with a nat1.

Ah shit! This is their shit! The prizes are the girls shit as trophies. Zelda headphones. Skateboard girl. You need to give the items back!!!

Fig's German Shepard patrol finally works out

And Riz is now in Penny's game, oh this hurts because this is the girl that he wants to help.

Biz is like a terrible chucky cheese mascot.

I love it when Fabian says "whats happening" because for all his rich person elegance his bafflement amuses me.

It's so sad to see these girls just be this, shadow of themselves. Like no personality at all.

Adaine does will with the divination rolls, I don't think I,could be able to,do this that well.

Damn they are taking the girls,into the power source, they need girl power. Literally.

Gorgug is just so sweet to call his parents for help. Too bad it didn't work. Its a gnome game, sweet.

damn this is a lot more dangerous than before. This is why we don't split the party.

Make Gorgug fly again that would be awesome. But Adaine flying is good too.

Riz using his gremlin powers to fuck up the parascepts from the inside is fucking amazing, why the hell is it funneling to the school.

Sucks that Fabian just kept running all the way out the building. But lets say Fabian having that motorcycle is just so op. Plus it called him Daddy let's not forget that.

Gorgug using the headphones with Zelda’s music is just so sweet and clever. See hes a simple man but very smart. Practical I think.

Lol only the guys got sucked into the game. No girls in video game.

The Bebe raises Gorgug’s rage. Riz is right: hot topic vs av nerds.

Where is devil dad, like he wasn't kidnapped or kidnapped figs mom or whatever right??? Like i get suspicious when people don't respond immediately.

OMG Gorgug is God Tier Shaggy.

Biz is doing the Fantasy Truffle Shuffle.

Cut his wings Gorgug!

Riz!!! Keep her here!!! FUCK!!! HE DIDN'T!!! Biz is soooo creepy.

Yes! Keep the ghosts so sad I would love the bag of holding but too bad it didn't work.

Gorgug’s parents are just so freaking sweet and supportive.

Hold shit Gorgug’s honesty got him double crit. That sucks but I lowkey hope he keeps the white hair.

That motorcycle is so op. But hes in a racing game with the hangman, at least he has an advantage.

Kristen's philosophers are just so op. I love how her religion is just searching for eternal knowledge.

NAT 20 THE NAT 20 FUCKING YES LETS GO RIZ JUST FLIPPING IT OFF AND SCREAMING FUCK YOU holy,shit that was funny. Too bad it was wasted on such a dumbass moment.

Just smashed the palimpsest that's how the owlbear popped out. Wow it was hilarious how biz popped out. But holy,shit Riz not even giving biz a chance as he starts shooting off fingers that’s amazing

I love them fucking with him because hes an ass. Oh, Alwin modify memory to make him think it was his evil plan. You know still fuck him tho. Ugh are those pictures. No. They know it was the group and photos of their house. Ughhhhh and now things are getting more dangerous,

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “who I am”. Mal Hades and Uma freeze for a moment. The gravity of their bonding moment sinking in. Then they burst out laughing. And they’re only stopped by Harry flying through the closed french windows and crashing into the gazebo)

Ben: sorry. My bad. He encroached on my personal space

Harriet: he walked past you

Ben: he walked past behind me.

Harriet: so the fuck what?

Mal: Ben’s got a fight or flight response when it comes to the gnome.

Gil: it’s what happens when you do what Harry did to him

Cj: which is what exactly?

Ben: kidnapping me, trying to sell Gil to me, attempted to kill me and was accessory to the almost capsizing of the cotillion yacht that me and all my friends were on

Cj: that is barely worth mentioning and in any

Evie: Ok everyone shut up I need to talk to the happy couple

Harry: I think my legs are broked

Evie: no one cares flapjack face. Ben. Mal. Join me at the kitchen island

Mal: you wanna tell her or shall I?

Ben: umm. Me? (Mal gives him the go ahead). Um. Evie. Uh. Heheh. We sort of decided on most of the um important stuff so you don’t have to plan. You just have organise

Evie: and the four things?

Mal: I can create my new dress with magic. I’m going to ask my mom if I can borrow a necklace. I’ve got the class ring Ben gave me. And I can redo the hair streaks my exposure to the ember made for the ceremony. Sorted

Evie (through a forced, fixed smile): so I’m utterly superfluous

Carlos: pretty much yeah.

Jay: c’mon E. this is probably gonna be the first royal wedding in history where the couple have their heads on screwed on right

Evie: mhmm mhmm yeah yes of that is true however HOWEVER there’s the little slight wrinkle of me being all but shut out from the proceedings

Mal: you’re still in the party. After Jane - oh shit Jane! - and Evie’s fainted. Doug, buddy, could you alert me when she wakes up. I gotta go talk with the guest of honour

(She bustles over your Jane who’s just outside and nursing a large glass)

Mal: hey bud

Jane (slightly glazed look in her eye): heya Mally. How’re hic you doin?

Mal: I actually came over to see how you were doing. I got wrapped in my own drama again. I’m sorry

Jane: ah don’t be. I’ve come to expect. Nothings about me. Never. Not even my own birthdays. You know in my four teeth I got ‘tention?

Mal: no

Jane: Chas copied off me in algebra. Ma thought I cheated. Registration thingumy. Him fore I. So I spent that afternoon clapping erasers. So see. Never bout me

Mal: ah. Well this was supposed to be about you. And I’ve shirked you to a corner drinking....

Jane: 🎶colada’🎶

Mal: right. Judging your countenance I’d say not a virgin one. How many have you had?

Jane: one. About eighty, eighty eight times? I think. Might be more

Mal: I see. Wanna stitck by me for the evening?

Jane (pouty): will you show off those sceptre tricks you’ve been working on?

Mal (chuckling): if you want

Hades (from the kitchen): Mal! Evie is awake and demanding your presence

Evie: I refuse to be shut out!

Mal: (long, long sigh) I am so sorry Jane. Let me try and make things better.

(She points her finger at the ground and Hadie materialises in a plume of green smoke. He’s trying a hat on)

Hadie: strange, I could’ve sworn there was a mirror there

Mal: what in dad’s name are you wearing?

Hadie: oh. Doug said I should get changed. Lovely guy by the way. Evie chose well. Dizzy took me upstairs to the changing rooms. And I saw a large picture as I passed her room. He was wearing this precise outfit. So I replicated the look and was just fixing the hat when you summoned me. You like?

Mal (very calm): Jefferson. Please tell me you replicated the look and not replaced it. All three of them will kill me if that posters wearing a bathrobe

Hadie: (beat) ok. NOW it’s replicated

Mal: good. Now could you please do me a favour and keep an eye on Jane? Birthday girl shouldn’t be left alone

Hadie: it’d be my pleasure

Mal: great thanks. I gotta go

Jane: he’s tall. Er then me

(Mal goes back into the house and heads towards Evie)

Mal: what is it now?

Evie: you just can’t keep me out of your wedding planning. I’m the WEDDING PLANNER

Ben: we’re not keeping you out E. We’re just shutting down the ideas we don’t like

Evie: you’re not even supposed to be part of the conversation! You’re the groom you’re only job is to show up sober

Mal: really? Well that scuppers my plans to be blitzed during the ceremony

Evie: oh here we go...

(As they continue arguing Uma heaves a long suffering sigh and goes outside, Lonnie goes over to check up on Gil who’s eyes are scrunched shut with his hands over his ears)

Lonnie: you ok

Gil: I don’t like it when my friends fight

Lonnie: I know. Hey jay. Could you help us out here please?

Jay: sure. Hmmm. Ooh. I know. To get rid of these ants in their pants/I command thee all to get up and dance.

(Some music starts up and everyone freezes)

Jay (taking Gil’s hands away from his ears): at your leisure qayidi 'aw rbany

(This is when “backflip” happens. After the song the spells breaks)

Evie: what happened?

Lonnie: you three were arguing, Gil got upset so Jay broke the argument up and we all danced

Mal: sorry bud

Ben: sorry bro

Evie: yeah sorry

Gil: s’ok

Evie: what were we arguing about?

Mal: beats me

Ben: ditto

Cj: I know

Jay: no ya don’t

Cj: ....uhhhh....OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HARRY!

Ben (much more then dismissively): eh he’ll be fine. Where’s Uma?

Elsa (refreezing the now lukewarm beer): she headed back outside Benjamin

Ben: ohhhh yeah uhhhh heheh you mind?

Mal: nah, go ahead. Do what you gotta do

Ben: thank you

(Outside Uma’s ranting and raving about how Mal “always wins” and how she “always loses” but she stops when Ben approaches her)

Uma: ohhhh What do you want?

Ben: talk?

Uma: oh yeah? What about?

Ben: uh, you?

Uma: why? I could see you lot in there perfectly happy, dancing about, not a care in the damn world, you and your FUCKING FRIVOLITY!!!!

Ben: ohhhh riiiight yeah I understand now, can’t be easy. Worlds in tatters, your entire life perceptions been upended, you think you’ve got on the same page with some of your family then you see your cousins arguing about wedding planning so you don’t think they’re taking things seriously. Completely understandable

Uma:...yeah I’m a little tipsy so you’re gonna have to slow down

Ben: you think you patched things up with Mal then you turn around and she’s not focusing on what you deem necessary

Uma: I’m not gonna “patch things up” until she admits and pays for what she did to me

Ben: what more can she do though? I mean seriously. She apologised, tried to let you kill her and she’s protected celia throughout most of today. Most things are a two way street Uma. And it’s up to you wether you accept her apology or not. No one can but you

Uma: I...don’t...KNOW. I DUNNO! GOD! I can’t stand it! She gets everything! The title, the reverence, the power, immortality! This past year I’ve been in my own personal hell while she’s been over here swanning about and owning the whole fucking place! It’s not fair that she gets all this and I get pruny hands and a barnaclised first mate!

Ben: have you told Mal this?

Uma: what? And be vulnerable towards the cow? I thought you were smart

Ben: (chuckles) m’sorry. Shouldn’t laugh

Uma (scoffing): s’alright. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. But I can’t help it. Cause when she’s been here, I’ve been down there. With my oh so delightful mother. And yeah I know it’s stupid. I can’t let it go. I’m not ice bitch. The sea waits and it will have its revenge! I’mramblingaren’tI?

Ben: mhmm. But that’s ok. You deserve it. Honestly every vk on this property has a right to complain and then some.

Uma: im done. You can go

Ben: before I do can I give you my thoughts quick?

Uma: whatever

Ben: I can help you. Believe me. All I want to do is help. But you kidnapped me. You tortured me. You tried to kill me. Why? To stick it to Mal? To make yourself feel better. All you had to do was ask and I would’ve listened to you. I will in fact still listen to you. I want to be friends with you but you need to let this petty vendetta go. It won’t do anyone any good to dwell on the past. I only hope you understand that

Uma: petty? Me? Petty?

Ben: mhmm.

Uma: bitch!

Ben: oh please. Everyone has a fatal flaw. I, apparently, have a tendency to be a smidge naive

Uma (utterly deadpan): really? I never would’ve believed it.

Ben: are you sure you can’t see yourself one day letting what happened go?

Uma: nope

Ben: why not?

Uma: cause it feels right. Evening the score feels right. And frankly I don’t care what you think. It’s simple as that. I don’t care

(This is when “I’ve gotta be me” happens)

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @michicant123!

Read on AO3

*****

Gnome Sweet Gnome

“No.”

“No!?”

“This is absolutely ridiculous.”

“Ohohoho, really . This is ridiculous, but the fact that you have been turned into a younger version of yourself again isn’t?”

“ Stiles , I’m a werewolf. I have a higher body temperature, therefore I don’t exactly need to be ‘bundled’ up.”

“Nice of you to completely ignore the fact that you’ve managed to get yourself into this kind of predicament again . And besides, I’m not about to go around town and have the good people of Beacon Hills thinking that I’m some kind of a child abuser .”

Derek frowns, but begrudgingly relents to Stiles’ fretting.

As Stiles tightens his childhood snowflake scarf around the grumpy boy, he reflects upon how exactly he ended up in this situation.

An hour earlier...

“It’s going to be fine . Derek is staying behind with you--”

“ With me, Scott?” Stiles scoffs incredulously, as he flops onto his bed, paying little attention to the freshly printed research notes being crushed beneath his weight. “We both know that he’s going to be skulking around town, scaring the crap outta anyone that gives him a passing glance because he has no control over his glares.”

“Dude, you’re nuts. I’ve seen Derek be all not glare-y plenty of times, especially with you. Besides, he wanted to stay behind.”

Stiles rolls his eyes at those words, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know. Just take care of that feral wendigo as soon as you can, I’m still not over our Die Hard movie marathon being so rudely interrupted.”

Scott chuckles good naturedly, but the audio of the phone call turns patchy, breaking the warm laughter into staticy pieces.

“Hey, buddy, I think you guys are going through shitty service area.” Stiles raises his voice in an attempt to get his parting message through, “Stay safe, kick some feral wendigo ass, I’ll be-- we’ll be totally fine.”

A broken thank you and half of what Stiles assumes was going to be a loving and brotherly parting message is the last thing he hears when the line goes dead. He stares at his now silent phone, pouting childishly at the fact that him and Derek were the line of defense for Beacon Hills while Scott and the rest of his pack went off to go deal with a feral wendigo that tore its way through the neighboring town.

It drew dangerously close to Beacon Hills, but inevitably didn’t tread onto Scott’s territory. Unfortunately, the feral wendigo showed no signs in slowing its killing spree. And Scott, being the overly generous true Alpha he was, insisted upon hunting down the wendigo before any others were unnecessarily killed.

Fortunately, things in Beacon Hills were actually rather calm for once. As this thought flits across Stiles’ mind, he reaches his arm out to knock on the side of his wooden bedframe three times. He never expected to be of the superstitious type, but when you deal with the supernatural on a daily basis, it’s only natural for certain superstitions to follow.

Anyways, things in Beacon Hills are rather calm for once. College is out for Winter break, meaning that Scott and him have been participating in much needed gaming, binging, and general bro time. Albeit being back in Beacon Hills doesn’t permit much time to enjoy such things, as in between the gaming and the binging just this past week they’ve had to deal with a whole ensemble of supernatural creatures.

A bunyip with a rather terrible sense of direction, skeevy gnomes, and apparently dryads (which, honestly, Stiles shouldn’t have been all that surprised by their existence). Just to name a few.

“Who knows, maybe Derek will sniff out some havoc-wreaking, supernatural creature during his patrol.” Stiles mumbles to himself. “Just a small thing to help the time pass faster…”

The doorbell rings and Stiles sits up with a start. He looks at the time on his phone with a frown, it reads 3:24 pm. His dad is still at work, Derek is still on patrol (even if he was done or found something he would have helped himself to the graciously unlocked and slightly cracked open window and just invited himself in as usual), and Scott along with the rest of the pack were on the trail of the north-bound wendigo.

Carefully and cautiously, with years of supernaturally honed wariness, Stiles carefully peers out his window to take a surreptitious glance at whoever was on the doorstep… a kid? Before Stiles can even process what he’s looking at, the kid looks up directly at Stiles and locks eyes. Stiles stumbles backwards from the window in shock and trips over his gnome research notes that were neatly stacked on the floor.

“What the shit ?” Stiles hisses under his breath as his mind tries to make sense of the kid at the house’s doorstep. A ghoul? No, no, that doesn’t make sense, a ghoul wouldn’t politely knock. Scared child of a mysterious origin? That’s the most likely… those clothes are obnoxiously huge for such a small kid…

A young but irritated voice travels up through the cracked window, “Just open the damn door, Stiles.”

“Can’t you just use your werewolf powers to break the door dow-oh my God !?” Stiles rushes back over to the window and pulls it all the way open, he leans out and looks at the kid with disbelief, “No. Fucking. Way .”

Sure enough, standing on the front doorstep of Stiles’ home was a very displeased, ruffled, and tiny Derek Hale. There was something off-putting about seeing a young (what was he, seven!? ) child standing with crossed arms and a glare that would make anyone's skin crawl if not for the fact that the person delivering the glare was a child .

“ Yes way. Now, let me in . Unless you want your door to be accidentally turned into toothpicks.” The threats coming from such an adorable baby face, somehow made them seem simultaneously more and less intimidating.

Stiles splutters and quickly makes his way downstairs. He pulls open the front door after taking a couple steadying breaths to reveal some three odd feet of pure irritation.

“Wh-What even happened ?” Stiles quickly steps away from the doorway as the enraged child pushes his way into the Stilinski abode. “Wait a sec, are you even Derek? The Derek I know would have Nightcrawler-ed his way up into my room without a second thought… Oh crap, I’m going to die now, aren’t I?”

The child gives Stiles an unimpressed and a well-practiced glare. That alone makes the anxious feeling that was starting to creep up his spine back off quickly.

“Last time I checked, Nightcrawler teleports and werewolves do no such thing.” Derek frowns up at Stiles’ dumbstruck, and now relieved face.

“Oh thank god, you are Derek…” Stiles splutters once more as he attempts to make sense of the scene before him, “W-th-w-how…? I reiterate, what happened?”

Derek turns with a growl and starts to head up the stairs, comically stumbling on the clothes that are Derek’s size, roughly 20 years too soon. Stiles closes his eyes and shakes his head in an effort to see if this was just some sort of elaborate hallucination. But young Derek is still there when he reopens his eyes. So he closes the front door and moves to follow Derek up the stairs.

“Uh...Der…?” Stiles speaks hesitantly, keeping his distance from the angry child.

“What do you think happened, Stiles?” Derek snaps as he reaches the second landing.

“I literally have no idea, hence the question. I thought you were mellowing out in your old age, guess I was wrong.” Stiles leans against the banister, “Though to be fair, you being a child might be a contributing factor to your classic Derek Hale grumpiness™. But no matter what age you are, you have a knack for being the most frustrating person I’ve ever had to deal with.”

Stiles chuckles to himself and looks up at Derek, awaiting an equally scathing remark, only to find Derek’s wide, hazel eyes focused on the ground, his small lower lip quivering just the slightest bit. Stiles is taken aback by this amount of sincerity upon Derek’s face, it’s so uncharacteristic but he can’t help but feel absolutely awful about his jabs.

“Uh…” Stiles struggles to find the words, which is par for the course when dealing with Derek in regards to anything other than snark and sarcasm.

“You’re right,” Derek’s voice is soft and so young sounding, Stiles stills at this, “I shouldn’t have expected you to just automatically know what went wrong.”

“Derek I…” But whatever moment of sincerity that managed to exist between the two of them was quickly forgotten as Derek finally returned Stiles’ earlier snark with a comment of his own.

“But I assumed that as our resident researcher and navigator of the bestiary, that you would have a grasp on exactly what could have caused this without me having to hold your hand through everything.” Derek turns and walks to Stiles’ room, calling over his shoulder, “I guess you’re growing senile in your old age.”

“H-hey! You’re older than me!” Stiles follows.

“Not right now, I’m not. As you have made sure to point out.” Derek frowns at the papers strewn about the room, “How the hell do you find anything in this mess?”

“I’ve told you before, I have a system of organized chaos, step off.”

“Right…” Derek responds dubiously. With a roll of his eyes, he goes over to Stiles’ wardrobe and starts rifling through the contents.

“Why yes, Derek. Please, help yourself to my clothes.” Stiles sorts through his recent research notes, voice dripping with sarcasm. “You know, I realize that I may not be as buff as you when you’re all regular Derek sized, but I think my clothes will still be too big for you. Unless you decide to wear a pair of my boxers as shorts…”

He hears Derek grunt in affirmative as he grabs the gnome notes that he so unceremoniously kicked out of the carefully organized pile on his floor. As he shuffles the pages together, he flips through them gently. There’s pages on gnome diets, their underground culture, how to visit them, how to appease them, et cetera.

“So I’m going to have to admit my ignorance here. Other than that thing that you know who was trying to accomplish, I have no idea why or how this is happening…” Stiles turns to look at Derek, who is now wearing a pair of Stiles’ egg printed boxers and an incredibly loose, threadbare tank top that he didn’t even realize he still had. “You’re gonna have to give me something to work with… so I can… crack this case.”

Derek blinks, no appreciation for Stiles’ joke making abilities.

“Forget you, that was hilarious. Throw me a bone.” He stops with faux consideration, “I guess I should be the one throwing you a bone though.”

At the lack of a reaction, Stiles withers and pouts, slumping against his windowsill.

“Are you done?”

Stiles nods silently.

“Okay, so I was on patrol, as we agreed.”

“Mm-hm?”

“And while I was on patrol, I…” Derek hesitates before continuing carefully. “Noticed something strange, and next thing I know, I’m suddenly in the body of my six year old self again.”

Stiles stares at Derek as he says this, his body language is strangely guarded and Stiles frowns. “I personally think you look closer to seven or eight, but that’s beside the point. Derek, that is possibly the least helpful thing you could have told me. Could you give me a place, smell, or description to work with? Literally anything helpful at all?”

“City park. Near the library.” Derek grits out the words as if the confession of that helpful information was physically painful.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Stiles stands and moves to his whiteboard, he spins it around to reveal a map of Beacon Hills. “Okay…” He pores over the map and sees that a sealed entrance to the old subway is located near the back of the library.

“Was this near the Eastern or Western part of the park?”

“Uh… east.”

“Hm…” Sure enough, the underground entrance meets up with about where Derek reticently described. He starts to mentally list the various supernatural creatures that like to make their home in the underground area. “So… why didn’t you just help yourself into my room as you usually do? You never answered.” Stiles says conversationally.

“I...I couldn’t.”

“What was that?”

“I said, I couldn’t.”

Stiles turns away from the board to gawk at Derek. “What do you mean, you couldn’t ? Derek, do you not have your werewolfiness right now?”

“No. I mean I don’t not have it. But I don’t have the fine-tuned control that my adult body does.” Derek looks down at his small palms, “If I try to use my werewolf abilities in anyway, I have no way of gauging the strength behind my actions right now.”

“Exactly how strong can a werewolf child be?” Stiles laughs weakly.

“Let me put it this way. I tried to run here on my hands and feet, because that’s usually faster for me. Rather than running, I accidentally destroyed part of the asphalt on the ground.” Derek slumps onto the ground, “I can’t control it right now.”

“Okay, fair enough.” Stiles turns back to the board and writes down a list of the underground dwelling creatures. “Did you catch a whiff of any of these before this happened to you?”

“I...might have noticed a gnome.”

“Oh man, really? I don’t want to have to deal with them again so soon.” Stiles goes over to his freshly organized pile of gnome notes, he flips through them to the sections on how to visit and appease them. “Please tell me you didn’t do anything stupid to piss them off?”

“Your confidence in me is astounding.”

“You haven’t given me much to work with, can you blame me?”

Derek levels him with a classic glare and stare. “I didn’t do anything to piss them off.”

“You sure you didn’t accidentally kick a gnome puppy or something? Destroy any gnome gardens?” Stiles grins, “Did you kill Gnomeo and Juliet?”

“Alright, clearly you’re not going to help. I’ll wait until everyone else is back.” Derek moves to leave the room.

“Wait wait wait, sorry. This is just… ridiculous.” Stiles flips through his notes to the visitation pages. There are illustrations of jewel toned beetles amongst the steps of how to enter a gnome’s underground city. “Hm? You know I was initially joking about stepping on gnome stuff but…” Stiles takes a closer look at the descriptions under the beetles. “Do you remember maybe accidentally stepping on this ?”

He turns the book towards Derek and points at the emerald beetle illustration. Beneath it reads the words “ used to shrink non-gnome creatures into a size that allows visitation into a gnome city, typically used for land negotiations and trading ”.

Derek’s eyes widen in recognition, but he quickly shrugs, floundering slightly, “M-maybe, I’m not sure.”

“ Dude , you should have said something sooner, Jesus.”

“Don’t call me dude.” Derek huffs and averts his gaze. But there’s gotta be something more to this.

Stiles rolls his eyes, “Whatever, c’mon we need to get you back to the gnome-man lands, they have these ruby beetles to reverse the effect of the emerald beetles.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, I’m not having you leave the house dressed in my boxers and a tank top that looks like it’s going to fall apart any second.”

“Stiles, it doesn’t matter.”

“What, are you gonna just walk there, while holding a bag of your adult clothing? Hoping that not a single concerned citizen stops you along the way?”

“I can use the woods.” Derek speaks with finality.

“Well the entrance to Gnome Town is in the basement of the library, which you will have to walk through to reach.” Stiles crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow defiantly, “You wanna try that again?”

“I can break into the library.”

“It’s freezing outside, and there will be plenty of patrons in the library today.” Stiles moves to his closet, “Try again, buddy.”

Derek’s cheeks redden with indignation, “And what are you exactly trying to suggest?”

With a grin, Stiles pulls down a cardboard box from the top shelf of his closet. He opens it to reveal child-sized clothing. He tosses a random graphic tee at Derek’s dumbfounded face and rummages deeper into the box. He plucks his matching snowflake patterned hat and scarf from the side of the box and digs some more. He withdraws some blue striped sweats aaand… from the depths of the box he unearths a bright red and tree-patterned winter sweater.

He holds all the items aloft with a huge grin splitting his face.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope! Bundle up sourwolf! Don’t worry, I’ll turn away.”

Stiles lays the clothes on the bed and turns around with a smirk. He hears Derek mumbling curses under his breath, but he also hears the shifting of fabric. Stiles’ eyes rove his closet and he frowns thoughtfully. He doesn’t have any kid shoes that his father deemed important enough to keep for future use. He then recalls a pair of yellow rain boots that sat long forgotten in the garage.

Derek grits out an “I’m done” and Stiles turns around to see little Derek bundled up in his old clothing. And if he were to be asked candidly, Stiles would have said that Derek looked absolutely adorable. Thankfully no one was there to question him.

“Hey, what about the hat and scarf?”

“What about shoes ?”

“Thank you for reminding me! C’mon.” Stiles grabs the hat and scarf from his bed. He also grabs the adult Derek clothes that were carefully folded on the edge of his bed and flies down the stairs.

Derek follows and forces out a small, “Thank you. I can actually walk without tripping over myself now.”

“Aww, you’re welcome. Glad to be of service.” Stiles puts the clothes on the kitchen table and opens the door leading into the garage. Sure enough, the pair of yellow rain boots are still there under the rake and years of debris. He shakes various bug carcasses out of the boots and presents them to Derek with a flourish.

“Your shoes, my liege.”

“Shut up.” But Derek takes the shoes and pulls them on. “ Now can we go?”

“Tsk tsk, you gotta put the hat and scarf on.”

“No.”

“No!?”

“This is absolutely ridiculous.”

“Ohohoho, really . This is ridiculous, but the fact that you have been turned into a younger version of yourself again isn’t?”

“ Stiles , I’m a werewolf. I have a higher body temperature, therefore I don’t exactly need to be ‘bundled’ up.”

“Nice of you to completely ignore the fact that you’ve managed to get yourself into this kind of predicament again . And besides, I’m not about to go around town and have the good people of Beacon Hills thinking that I’m some kind of a child abuser .”

Stiles pulls on the hat and holds the scarf out to Derek. He relents and lets Stiles wind the scarf around his neck, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“There we go, that wasn’t that hard, was it?”

“Whatever, can we go sometime today?”

“Yeah yeah, lemme grab my keys and wallet.” Stiles grabs those as well as a plastic bag for Derek’s clothes.

The drive across town to the library is awkward.

Stiles knows that Derek is still omitting something about his encounter earlier, and he’s pretty sure that Derek knows that he knows. He frets at a few stoplights, trying to find the right words to figure out why Derek was being so cagey about this whole encounter.

Stiles thought that they were past this pettiness, they’ve worked together for many years at this point, and he even tentatively considered them to be friends. But this evasiveness and unwillingness to be open about things was just like the early days of their… well, it wasn’t even an acquaintanceship, they barely tolerated each other.

“I can hear you thinking.”

“Well I wasn’t aware that this beetle granted you mind reading powers, unless you had mind reading powers as a kid and lost that ability with age.”

“No, I mean…” Derek sighs and looks out the side window. He twists his fingers into the fabric of the sweater. “I know that I’ve been weirdly unspecific about this whole thing.”

“Ha! Yeah, you think?” Stiles scoffs.

“It’s because I wanted to make sure that you weren’t affected.”

“Affected? By a beetle that you accidentally stepped on on the other side of town?” Stiles snorts, “Derek, c’mon. I thought we were past this.”

“We are , it’s just... I didn’t step on the beetle on accident.” He trails off into whisper at the end of the sentence, but Stiles heard clear enough.

“What do you mean it wasn’t on accident?” Stiles blinks, trying to make sense of the new information, “Your super sniffer should have told you that that beetle was magical, right? You should’ve known that stepping on some random magical being would have had some sort of consequence!”

“I knew that it was something.” Derek slumps in his seat and grumbles.

“ Something ? Derek, just tell me, stop this omission bullshit.” Stiles says with irritation.

“It smelled like one of the nogitsune’s flies to me. Which worried me.” Derek huffs, “There you go.”

Stiles stills at that. Even with what Derek just said, he still notices the strange amount of apprehension around the words. “And?”

“And what else? Do you want me to tell you how it made me worried about you? How scared I was about you getting hurt again? What do you want me to say, Stiles?” Derek’s voice raises in volume and he turns towards Stiles full bodily.

Stiles swallows the lump in his throat and pulls over to park. He blinks and shakes his head, trying to process what Derek just said. He turns his head towards Derek. Derek’s face is red and blotchy, his eyes are huge and have tears beading at the corners. His lower lip is quivering as his eyebrows stay aggressively furrowed.

“Well!?” A couple of the tears escape and stream down his round cheeks.

Combined with the teary eyed child in his car and his brain’s gears finally working, Stiles is astonished by his revelation.

“Oh my god, you care about me.”

“Wh-w- YES ! I thought that was obvious!” Derek responds emphatically.

“No, you really care about me. Scott said that you wanted to stay behind, and that you’re not ‘glarey’ around me.” Stiles rests his forehead against his steering wheel, “Oh sweet Jesus.”

“Stiles, I’m so sorry.” Derek speaks carefully, “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I’m sorry for putting you in an awkward position.”

Derek sighs, “Now that I know, I can work on getting over you. I’d like if we could still be friends, despite this.”

“Oh my god, you’re so dumb.” Stiles takes a shuddering breath, “Did I say at any moment, that I didn’t feel the same?” Derek’s eyes widen at this. Stiles continues speaking and mumbling his thoughts under his breath, “I’m going to kill Scott. There’s probably not even a real feral wendigo is there?”

He stops suddenly, and grabs the plastic bag of clothes as well as a single chocolate gold coin from his cup holder. “Nope, I’m not having this conversation with you while you look like a third grader. C’mon.”

Derek blinks as Stiles owlishly, and hastily wipes the drying tears from his face. Stiles slides out of the car and goes around to open the door for Derek. Derek hops down and meekly tugs at the edge of the sweater, Stiles locks the car and holds out his free hand. Derek looks up at Stiles and smiles tentatively.

This isn’t exactly how Stiles imagined holding hands with Derek this holiday season, but it was still nice in a strange way.

The two of them enter the library and nod at the employees at the circulation desk. Stiles guides Derek through the stacks to the back of the building to the once carefully sealed door leading to the basement. He nudges the door open with his hip after making sure there were no onlookers, and the two of them descend into the dark depths of the library.

They carefully navigate the dark and dusty stacks of the basement and find the sealed entrance to the old subway platform. Or at least that’s how it appeared, Derek and Stiles pass through the disguised archway and enter a warmly lit platform. Standing before them were four gnome guards wearing what looked like armor made out of reptilian skin seated around a small table playing some sort of card game.

The gnomes look up from the table at the sound of Stiles and Derek entering the vestibule.

"Ey wouldja look at dis, dose humans are back." The gnome seated facing them calls out.

"Aye, I see dem." Says the gnome to his left.

"Dat were one seems to 'ave used an emerald beetle. But he didn't pass through here, right?" Says the one to his right. The fourth gnome nods silently in agreement.

The first gnome stands and grins with broken teeth, "Dey prolly need demselves a ruby beetle, amiright?"

Stiles takes this moment to speak, "Yes, yes that's why we're here. It seems as though an emerald beetle wandered off, and my friend here stepped on it."

"A were shoulda been able to whiff out oneuva our beetles." The left one speaks with an incredulous tone.

"Yes, he did, but he mistook it for another kinda magic. Easy mistake to make. Now could we get one of those ruby beetles to go, or is it dine-in only?"

"Stiles..." Derek hisses under his breath, his hand tightening around Stiles' infinitesimally.

The first gnome steps around the table and waddles towards them. "Sure sure, dats an easy mistake. But mistakes come at a price..." The gnome grins and holds out an empty palm.

"Show me the beetle first."

"Show me whatcha gon' give me for da beetle."

Stiles pulls the chocolate gold coin and a pair of clear red plastic dice from his pocket, while simultaneously the gnome buries his hand into his pocket and withdraws a closed fist.

“This is so dumb.” Derek whispers to Stiles.

“Shut up .” Stiles whispers back.

The gnome to the right pipes up, “On dee count a three…”

Stiles maintains eye contact with the first gnome as the right gnome counts down, “One… two… three !”

In the leather covered palm of the gnome lay a glittering and bright red beetle. In Stiles’ hand lay the chocolate gold coin and the red dice from the Scott’s game of Aggravation that he happened to have stowed away in his pocket.

The gnome’s eyes glitter at the sight of Stiles’ offering. “Dose are some lovely lookin’ dice you’ve got dere, you sure you wanna part with such a lovely item?”

Stiles falters, but quickly nods, “Oh I know, I will miss them so much. They’re really so lovely, aren’t they, Derek?” Derek nods dumbly, “Now then, if I give you these beloved dice, and my golden coin here, will that be enough for the ruby beetle?”

The main gnome turns back to the other three and they snicker conspiratorially. “Ye, take the damned beetle. Gimme dose dice already!”

Stiles gives the gnomes a withering smile as they trade. The gnomes cackle with glee as the main gnome returns to the table with his spoils.

“Let’s get outta here, Derek…” Stiles leads the two of them back into the library basement, the echoes of the gnomes cackling and the clattering of sound of the dice upon the table follows them.

Derek steps out of the bathroom sheepishly holding the plastic bag of clothes out to Stiles. “I think my shoes should be around the back of the building still…”

“Dude, why didn’t you tell me to go grab them while you were doing your beetle mumbo jumbo, presto change-o?”

Derek reflexively responds with a “Don’t call me dude.” But then he coughs awkwardly, “I… I didn’t want you too far away.”

“Aww… you’re such a sap.” Stiles takes the plastic bag from Derek’s outstretched hand, and takes the now empty hand into his opposite one.

“Let’s go get your shoes. I’m pretty sure the cafe has a no shoes, no shirt, no service policy.”

“Cafe?”

“Well, yeah. I’m not waiting a moment longer to take you out on a date. If you’ll have me of course.” Stiles hesitates for a split second as Derek’s silence draws out. “Der?”

Derek blinks, but a gentle, sincere smile works its way across his face. “Of course.”

Stiles returns the smile with a sincere one of his own. A mischievous glint enters his eyes, “By the way… did I mention what an adorable kid you made?”

“ Stiles …”

“ So cute. I should’ve taken pictures when I had the chance!”

“Nevermind, this was a terrible idea. I’m going home.”

“Wait, Derek!”

“This is a library, Stiles. Please keep your voice down.”

“ Derek… ”

“Nope. Stop following me.”

“C’mon, lemme treat you.”

“ No .”

“But baby it’s cold outside!”

“I’m done here.”

[televisor-reviews]

Top 10 WORST Movies Of 2018!

As everyone is talking about their favorite and least favorite films of last year, I’d much rather take a look at what came out two years ago! This is what I do every New Year, get used to it. And keep in mind that I haven’t seen every film from 2018, so as bad as I’m sure Sherlock Gnomes and Pacific Rim: Uprising are, I haven’t gotten around to them. If you’d like a list of every film I have seen, I have them listed on my Letterboxd: https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1HnDnQ4ibO82ryM9lOCGgw1FZhVLdC4SZ

#10. Fifty Shades Freed On my 2015 list, I didn’t even bother putting Fifty Shades Of Grey on it because I thought it was absolutely hilarious! On my 2017 list, I placed Fifty Shades Darker at the very top for its lack of even the basics of what makes a decent flick, notably there being no real plot. So I guess I’m meeting this franchise in the middle by putting Fifty Shades Freed at the tenth spot for just how batshit this movie is. Shit kinda just happens randomly with little to no reason while also not being funny in the slightest. In fact, large segments of the film is kinda boring, particularly the sex scenes in which there are so many that by the 20th time, you’d just get used to it like a jump scare in Winchester. Really, the biggest reason this is only at #10 is because Fifty Shades Freed has Freed us all from this series, assuming that a film adaptation of Grey isn’t made. And that’s the greatest compliment I’ve ever given to one of these movies. #9. A Wrinkle In Time I once heard someone justify Disney’s live action remakes by saying they help fund their more unique film escapades like Nutcracker And The Four Realms (which barely didn’t make the list). The problem with that is that I don’t want those ether! And considering how Solo and The Rise Of Skywalker turned out, maybe Disney’s live action department should just stick with Marvel movies. Honestly, I don’t completely remember why I left the theater after seeing A Wrinkle In Time so angry, like legitimately pissed off. I remember the girl who looks like one of the Mean Girls being treated like a member of the Losers Club, how terrible the child acting was, how even worse the adult acting was, how annoying everybody who wasn’t Chris Pine was, and how that little kid was named Charles Wallace because the characters said it at least a million times! Considering how angry I am just writing about it, I’m guessing it was a combination of all of those elements being wrapped up with a pretentious bow. Honestly, A Wrinkle In Time was a humongous waste of my time. #8. Show Dogs It’s a bad sign when the movie starring Bojack Horseman yelling at Ludacris dog is only at #8 on my list. The big reason for that is because this is so terrible that I had to break down laughing at times. Not because Show Dogs is genuinely or ironically funny, it’s just so batshit insane that I had to laugh. Almost like a defense reflex: like if I wasn’t laughing, I’d end up jumping off the roof. The plot is crazy, the acting is crazy, the whole fucking idea is crazy! I’d like you to stop and imagine Will Arnett with the straightest face possible yelling at a dog voiced by Ludacris that nobody can actually hear in the middle of a very serious police station about the dog fucking up an undercover job and somehow not laughing your ass off. That is what it was like watching Show Dogs. You’re welcome. #7. Slender Man I think people really downgrade how good horror has been lately. I know that in a world of Insidious: The Last Key and Truth Or Dare, it’s easy to be pessimistic. And I think people also dismiss the greatness the internet has had on modern pop culture. Considering how bad things like Daphne And Velma and Mowgli: Legend Of The Jungle are, I kinda get it. In reality, these tend to be the outliers among a lot of greatness, but after seeing Slender Man, I’m starting to think similarly. I was one of the only people who was actually excited about this movie because I’m young enough to remember a time when Slender Man: The Eight Pages was the scariest thing in the world and after seeing how well Hollywood treated the character in Beware The Slender Man, I was really hopeful. Little did I know that Madhouse Entertainment had one of the least interesting and least scary horror movies I’ve ever seen with boring characters, a monster that’s barely in the movie, and a script that’s closer to Rings than it is to its source material. I really hope this’ll go the way of Ouija and Annabelle and end up having a really good followup or else Slender Man will be a huge blot on the legitimacy of the internet. #6. Snake Outta Compton I’m gonna be straight with y’all, I have been doing a pretty bad job at keeping up with horror B-movies lately. I mean, I did watch The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time and Leprechaun Returns but those were mostly just mediocre, even within the context of the rest of their franchises. So when I saw the title Snake Outta Compton, I knew I had to watch it expecting something really stupid and funny as all hell. Instead I got a boring and uninteresting barely even an attempt at cinema. I really hated this film, it’s just such a boringly dull film where little to nothing ever happens and I hated every dumb second of it. The terrible rapping, the awful effects, the horrendous acting, everything in snake Outta Compton sucks and I hate it. #5. Norm Of The North: Keys To The Kingdom Remember that god awful polar bear movie starring Rob Schneider from a few years ago… yeah, they made four of those. Normal people would say the first Norm Of The North was the absolute bottom of the barrel, I say “No!… It’s Norm Of The North: Keys To The Kingdom,” and even more suicidal people would probably say it’s Norm Of The North: King Sized Adventure. If you thought the animation in the original was bad, you’ve seen nothing! This is so bad that I’m not even sure it should be considered animation! This is so bad that it makes Duck Duck Goose look like The Grinch! This is so bad that they couldn’t even get Rob Schneider back! The plot, it’s like this is one of those straight to DVD Disney sequels that were made up of episodes of conceled TV shows except why would anyone try to make Norm Of the FUCKING North into a TV show! But apparently it made money considering how (and I’ll repeat this again) there are four of these! Maybe the immense failure of Arctic Dogs will stop Entertainment Studios from making any more. #4. The Thinning: New World Order Speaking of sequels that’ll make the originals look like masterpieces, we’ve got Logan Paul’s magnum opus, coming straight outta that Japanese suicide forest. A film that tells you that a country made up of the smartest 95% of citizens are stupid enough to not catch on to the pretty obvious government plan going on in this universe. Even more so, apparently presidents to be are allowed to just make major laws that’ll arrest about 50% of the population before being sworn in as president. But even more so, I’m to believe that Logan Paul of all people is smart enough to escape these poorly conceived concentration camps. This is a key example of suspension of disbelief gone too far. I don’t believe for a second that this world actually could exist. And I want everyone reading this to remember The Thinning: New World Order after seeing what I put at number one that even liberals can make terrible movies too! #3. The 15:17 To Paris No shit, this is easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theaters. No joke, no sarcasm, the Clint Eastwood trainwreck that is The 15:17 To Paris is by far one of the worst movies of the decade… and it’s only at #3 on my bottom 10 of the year. Let me explain. Where the absolute bottom of the barrels of the year are total slogs that I wouldn’t be able to stand watching again, this is actually really fun to watch. Immediately after seeing it in theaters, I wanted to see it again just to make sure it wasn’t a fever dream. In every conversation I have, I recommend this movie because it has to be seen to be believed. Of all the films on this list, this is the only one I’d actually recommend to people. No other film has the balls to portray three normies with ADD talking as boringly as possible taking selfies in Venice for 30 minutes for no goddamn reason. In no other movie will you see a bunch of comedians try and do serious roles that they had no right being casted in. When I went back to school and brought this up with my film nerd friends, every one of them had a different story of watching this. My god, please watch The 15:17 To Paris so that we can convince Clint Eastwood into making The 15:18 To Paris. #2. Gotti Let me tell ya, Gotti is one of the wurst felms ya’ll evar see! Who in da hell convinced John Travolta that he culd do serious roles! But in all seriousness, this movie sucks. I’m not super familiar with the story of John Gotti, and by that I mean I’ve never even heard the name before seeing this film. And I’m pretty sure that to even get what’s going on in this, you’d have to see a 3 hour documentary on the guy beforehand or else you’d be incredibly confused the entire time because I know I was! Don’t even ask me what happens in Gotti because I have no clue. It goes all over the place with different characters doing different things at different points in time and eventually, I stopped paying attention! I do remember that there were about 20 characters named “John,” John Gotti only kills one guy though I’m pretty sure that as a mob boss he’d kill more, and I have no idea how this mafia makes money. Oh, and this convicted feline is apparently also Jesus Christ. I’ll tells yas, ya can live 100 yeers an neva see a moovy as bad as Gotti. Before we get to #1, let’s do some runners up!

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom I wanted so bad to put this on the list because as a pretty big Jurassic Park fan, I can fairly say that Fallen Kingdom is easily the worst film in the franchise. If only because of that dumb ass twist at the end with that kid I kinda forgot even existed. Or just for those annoying ass comedic reliefs that are consistently useless. Or just because on a base filmmaking level, this movie sucks. Hurricane Bianca: From Russia With Hate Listen, I’m openly and proudly bisexual, so I get how important it is to get good representation out there in the film industry. And I also get why a lot of the Ru Paul: Drag Race fandom has latched onto this series. But Jesus Christ guys, drag queens can do better and they deserve better. From Russia With Hate is definitely a step in the right direction with it being way more interesting and fun than the first Hurricane Bianca… but come on guys! These aren’t good movies! Just watch more Drag Race, it’s much better. The Happytime Murders Disney, please let Muppets Now be good! The puppetry artform deserves better than this garbage! The Happytime Murders is a movie in which half the jokes is that a puppet is jizzing a lot. Honestly, my biggest beef with this film is that it doesn’t even get to the heart of what people love about the Jim Henson style of puppetry, notably the fun. Look at most of the cast, they are very humanoid compared to Kermit The Frog or Fozzy Bear. This movie is, first and foremost, not fun. Bob Lazar: Area 51 And Flying Saucers This is my nomination for worst documentary of the year. It’s just annoying to me that this guy can get away with lying to so many people without any repercussions. In fact, he gets this whole documentary that’s basically sucking his dick the entire time! I went in expecting something along the lines of Behind The Curve, a doc that takes an even stance at looking at its crazy subject matter but in a respectful way. In reality, Area 51 And Flying Saucers isn’t even in the slightest being totally on Bob Lazar’s side without questioning his all knowing wisdom for a second and is n’t respectful in the slightest for the intelligence of its viewers! Fuck this doc! A Simple Favor This is my nomination for best worst movie of the year. A Simple Favor is a crazy film with a cast and crew taking it weirdly seriously for a comedy, all with super monotone voices. None of the actual jokes are genuinely funny but lots of them are ironically hilarious. Granted I was very high while watching this, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s the best state of mind to be in while watching it! And did I mention how nobody acts during this but rather just say their lines monotonely! Loved it! God’s Not Dead: A Light In Darkness This was the year Christian propaganda got boring. I was so excited when I went to see I Can Only Imagine in theaters as my first theatrical Christian film experience only to be totally disappointed when it turned out to be pretty dull. Even more so when, later on in the year, the newest installment in the world famous God’s Not Dead franchise, the same one that first brought upon this new age of Christian based filmmaking that’s brought me so much joy before, turned out to be similarly dull. There was a split moment when a character states, “Jesus Christ was the original social justice warrior,” when I was brought back to life with its own stupidity, but it turned out to be fleeting. Not outrageous enough to be put on the list, but too outrageous to be any good. So this is how God’s Not Dead ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper. The Meg And speaking of boring, The Meg has to be the most boring shark movie ever made. A film that feels like it lasts for days and in which no real stakes feel like are in play. This has got to be the most boring and dull and uninteresting and BORING movie of the year! And considering how boring of a year it was for film, that’s saying a goddamn lot! Mary Poppins Returns I feel like I went through an arc of my own while watching this. I went from, “this isn’t bad,” to, “okay, this is a little too much like the original,” to, “why the fuck am I watching this?” Mary Poppins Returns feels like one of the Disney live action remakes because it’s basically just a shittier version of the original with absolutely no good reason to exist let alone to watch, especially compared to said original. And the climax makes absolutely no sense with the logic of the film universe; she can literally fly! And by god, does this feel like anything but Mary Poppins. Blockers Listen, I get that this film is sex positive and that’s a really great thing and all the actors are really trying their best. But it is all in vain for this film with a really unfunny script and that’s kinda important for a comedy. Sometimes Blockers can get a chuckle out of me because of how over the top it can get at times but those are just outliers in a mostly mediocre movie that got built up too much because of how much positivity is in this. Proud Mary Proud Mary is the perfect example of a film in which just because someone can do it well, doesn’t mean everyone can. Ever since Quentin Tarantino has been making movies like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, throw back action films have been really cool to see. Then, all of a sudden, the director of London Has Fallen had to come around and remind everyone that they can’t all be winners. Mostly dull dialogue between characters I don’t care about waiting for the action that isn’t even all that good. I was really hopeful that Proud Mary would be fun, but it’s anything but. #1. The Trump Prophecy Listen, I get that when I say that a movie literally titled The Trump Prophecy is the worst film of the year, it comes off as if I’m making a big political statement but believe me, I am not. Politically, admittedly, I am pretty liberal but I’m not really a political dude. But I do know terrible filmmaking when I see it, and believe it or not, a film about a crazy firefighter who gets a vision in his sleep from a god orb that Donald Trump must be president might not be very good. In fact, fuck this cynical, piece of shit, taking advantage of conservatives, monotonely acted, with no love or passion put into it, goddamn movie! As much as I didn’t like any of the movies I’ve mentioned on this list, it’s clear someone, anyone, was passionate about making them. But considering how clearly the director never asked any of his actors to do a second take, no love is clearly put into this. How cynical, how shameless. As someone who does genuinely love the art of filmmaking and would adore the opportunity to make a relatively big budget movie myself, the fact that something as lifeless as The Trump Prophecy gets to be put into any theaters really pisses me off. Say what you want about The 15:17 To Paris, at least it had its heart in the right place. Say what you want about Gotti, at least John Travolta was obviously passionate about the project. This has nothing and is easily the most hatable film I’ve seen in years!

[soryualeksi]

Random extremely funny (to me) brainworm of mine, but somehow I think Botta has a reputation in fandom to be more, hm, "noble", or maybe just more dignified than Yuan. Or maybe as just having a few less screw loose than him. I guess it comes from his Heroic Sacrifice and probably also his way of speaking in the English dub.

But.

When it comes down to it, isn't he just as much - if not more! - of an Unhinged Garbage Man as his boss??

The very first scene we meet him, he's stabbing a bunch of old, defenseless priests. Then he goes after an old lady walking on a stick. THEN, without missing a beat, he turns around and makes a honest attempt at MURDERING A BUNCH OF SCHOOL KIDS.

"Grandma's my hostage now. What are you gonna do about it, call the cops on me?"

There is not a SINGULAR second where he appears to have even the most remote shadow of moral qualms about this, either.

It's only when Kratos shows up and stabs a bunch of his own that Botta goes "oh come on that's unfair" and fucks off.

He has zero issue taking on the same bunch of school kids like a week later and he's greatly amused by the irony - and the family drama!!! - of Kratos Aurion travelling with his own kid, who he thought he caused the death of as a toddler for 14 years, and said kid having NO CLUE. Again, the only thing that stopping him is Kratos making it VERY clear he'll lop off the top of his skull if he EVER catches him looking at his kid funny again - at which points he just goes, "meh whatever I'll kill these kids later".

Yuan and Botta don't trap-encircle the party just once but actually TWICE (Rheaird hangar battle and then before suggesting they team up at the Palmacosta Human Ranch), so that? Is not a spur of the moment decision, but how they NORMALLY do this kind of thing. Fighting dirty and underhanded is part of the mutually agreed-upon strategy.

You'd ask him how he sleeps at night and he doesn't understand the question.

(Also: Can't waste electricity by putting shit on standby here, gotta electrocute the doombas by hand every. single. time. you wanna open the entrance door.)

Unhinged. Garbage Man.

Probably takes a page out of Gnome's book, too, and throws literal actual dirt into his enemies' eyes in battle only to go "Heyyyyyyyy that's dirty!!! Dx" all offended if they don't perfectly stick to rules of "fairness", either.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

a work of art known to me as “you do know he’s not fucking wearing that, right?”

i’m gonna put most of this fuck squad recap behind a cut because this session we started recording it and just the notes i took while listening to the recording cover 4 dang pages. this was a fun one, though, with plenty of saida shenanigans and one (1) fantastic name generator example. so, like, if you want more fuck squad content, good news, i guess

“Oh my god I think I have father issues.” “[singing] Welcome to the fuck squad!”

Llydor Philkirk, the resort owner, confronts Saida about the prank Yoni pulled, and somehow Saida manages to convince him that she’s innocent. 

Saida: “Phil... philkirk, phil spector”

Llydor Philkirk: “Be sure to be professional with the suspects.” Saida: “PROFESSIONAL WITH MY DIIIICK”

“Yoni, you wake up-” “Ugh, Not again.”

Maddela: “I get belgian waffles. Fantasy belgian waffles.” “From the neighbouring kingdom of Belgia”

Sergei: “She can teleport, what the frick!” Saida: “She obviously killed everyone. Let’s frame my ex.”

I had to try and figure out how long it takes to make creme brulee off the top of my head. Thanks for that, guys.

“Ladies who brunch, the RPG”

Saida: “Oh my god, I knew you fucked him, because we’re 12 and that’s SOOO scandalous!”

As the Fuck Squad got brunch, we had to put the game on pause because Saida’s husband was delivering more wine to us.

Saida: “He ran the criminal empire. I was directly under him, in both rank and sort of personage....” Rhonia: “Like a fake fantasy pyramid scheme!”

We had a long discussion about whether Tarand wanted to turn Saida into a vampire somehow.

Saida: “I did what any rational woman would do- I took all my jewelry, I didn’t say anything, and I ran.”

Saida: “You can’t kill someone when it’s true love.” Sergei: “didn’t you kill your husband?” Saida: “That was different.”

Saida: “The point is, I used to have everything, but now I have nothing, and I think I made bad choices.” Yoni: “You have us! So yes.”

Saida: “I’m having a lot of feelings seeing him again!” Sergei: “SO ABOUT THIS MURDER”

Saida: “PRO-BLE-MAT-IC. That’s four claps. It’s a big word.”

“Roll to hug.” Sergei: “What do I roll for that?” The beard: “What are the grappling rules in pathfinder?” Me: “We’re not bringing up the fucking grappling rules. We don’t say those words in this house.”

“Roll to grab Sergei’s junk.” Saida: “ABSOLUTELY NOT! Junk grabbing is what got me into this mess! That and fucking my boss.”

Sergei: “I have a great idea! How about if I talk with birds.” Saida: “Can’t be worse than what’s happening right now.”

We then have a solid ten minutes of everyone at the table just mocking Tarand for eating breakfast.

Saida: “Who do you think you are, Dr. Phil?”

Tarand: “It was rude of you [to douse my sex partner in garbage water]” Yoni: “But it’s not rude for you to walk up to our brunch table?”

Saida: “Are your ears broken?” Yoni: “maybe they’re filled with garbage water.”

Yoni: “Oh my god we should all get levels in bard for this!”

“Roll stealth to do bunny ears behind his head.” 

Maddela got caught doing bunny ears behind Tarand’s head.

Rhonia: “He might have wanted to commit-” Saida: “I heard he wanted to kill me” “That’s a commitment.”

“If you’re afraid of dying, have you heard the good word about Desna?”

Saida: “I’m getting closure, would you like to go back to making fun of him?” Sergei: “Yes, that was a lot more fun!”

Saida: “So apparently I’ll meet you at 7 and Yoni invites you to pull the stick out of your butt.”

Yoni: “I’m gonna do a heal check to see if you have elf syphilis.”

Apparently this is fucking FATAL now because Yoni gives Saida a full gynecological exam.

“Jesus christ, yoni, this is taking so long, and at this point you are just rummaging in there!”

“You know even if I want to fuck Tarand you just destroyed my down-below.” Sergei: “She’s still got two hands.”

“We know you’re straight, Saida. No need to rub it in our faces. No need to parade it around town.”

“Almost like I’m a GM who prepared.”

Saida: “I’m wearing a chic trail walking outfit.” “Where did you get it?” “Fantasy MEC? I dunno, I stopped into the hotel gift shop.” “How much did you pay for it?” “Iunno, a dollar?” “YOU DON’T HAVE THOSE”

Saida: “What should I wear to go meet tarand?” Sergei: “Something slutty. But not too slutty.” Me: “I feel like this murder mystery has gone off the rails a bit.”

Sergei: “I’ll roll perception. I roll literally a 1.” “You walk into a tree.” Saida: “I’ll roll. I roll a 2.” “You almost walk into the same tree that Sergei walked into but see him walk into it and stop.” Rhonia: “I also rolled a 2.” “You also walk almost into that same tree.” Saida: “We shouldn’t have had all those mimosas at brunch.”

Rhonia: “Would a bird know what kidnapping is?” “The eternal question- what do birds know?”

Sergei casts Commune With Birds using his magic pants, and we all do some expert bird calls that were good things to listen to with my ears. Turns out that the last person to see Laurelia alive was quite possibly Sprit the gnome. 

“Birds, man. They know shit.”

They make a list of things to ask Tarand on Saida’s date with him that Saida just never asks him at all. 

“I think Rhonia will interview the staff.” “So you’re interviewing people instead of just fucking around and doing fuckshit all. One sec, gotta scroll down to that point in my notes.” Sergei: “Oh, she’s going down, like, seven pages.”

Rhonia orders the charcuterie for 21 and a half and offers it to servants who are willing to speak with her about the case, while Sergei and Saida throw a cocktail party in the next room over. They have a yelling fight about it, in which Rhonia yells at Sergei for patronizing her.

Sergei: “I feel so bitchy!” “That’s cause y’all are BITCHES.”

Sergei: “Dude, you can’t have interviews with people in your jammies.” Rhonia: “I CAN and I WILL!”

Rhonia interviews Remardt the dwarf, who reveals that Sprit’s been working at the Philkirk for a long time because she has magic inclinations and that means she’s able to use the magic items they use to be a really good bellhop. 

“Stop making dick jokes in the next room, you’re ruining the audio! I’ll listen to this later and wonder what the fuck is wrong with my friends.”

“sprit’s an eldritch horror!”

Rhonia: “She plays pranks?” “Yeah, she prays planks. She planks. Welcome to 2014!”

Sergei rolls another 1 on perception so he can’t listen in.

Saida: “This is the best cocktail party.” Sergei: “I think it’s just us getting drunk in our room. With SNAAACKS.”

“You’re not monitoring my drinking as closely as you thought you were.”

Llydor: “Would you like to come in? It’s relevant to the case.” Saida: “YES. Also we were just having a cocktail party and we are half in the bag.” Llydor: “Good. You’ll be about as useful as you usually are.” Sergei: “Hey. I have commune with birds.” Saida: “And I have commune with my ex-boyfriend.”

Turns out there’s been another victim, whose body was found in the river.

“The victim was a woman named Shareena.” Rhonia: “It’s tarand’s girlfriend!” Saida: “The garbage water lady! His garbage wife!”

Saida: “WE GOTTA GO WE GOTTA GO WE GOTTA GO We’re still half in the bag.” “This is a great murder investigation.”

Saida: “I’m gonna talk to Tarand and make him confess with my vagina.”

Upon arriving at the crime scene, the first thing Saida does is mock the new murder victim over her dead body by making high-pitched noises. 

Sergei: “I’m gonna make a heal check-” Yoni and Saida: “She dead!”

“I’m not gonna say I spent a whole lot of time trying to reverse engineer forensic investigation into this system, but....”

Saida: “I’m gonna roll knowledge nature. I’m gonna faaaaaaaaail I rolled a natural 20 bitches!”

“So for all of you who rolled real well on their knowledge nature checks- which is all of you except THIS BITCH.”

“Fantasy-S-I!”

“We gotta find that boyfriend. But first I’m gonna talk to birds.”

Saida: “ I roll perception... Ohhhh.... critical one......” “You don’t know if she’s dead.”

“There is a torn scrap of paper in a nearby bush.” Sergei: “Oh. Bushpaper.”

Saida: “Yoni, want to go steal everything that’s not nailed down?” Llydor gives you a weird look.But he rolls a natural 1 on his sense motive so he’s tricked int thinking this is just a game you play.

Yoni: “Hey Doctor Phil, you have any necromancers on staff?” “That’s not my name, and no, we don’t have any fucking resort necromancers, what kinda joint you think this is?”

Saida: “Hey Rhonia, can you make me a list of questions to ask Tarand?” “I love how you guys are just all relying on Heather as the one person who takes notes, right?” Sergei: “This investigation is going so super well!”

Saida: “Bitches bitches bitches listen. And Sergei. Sergei, are you okay being a bitch? Okay. Bitches bitches bitches listen. I’m gonna ask Tarand tonight. Take his spellbook. Wait, no, that’d be weird. I’m gonna fuck him and take his spellbook. Good plan. That’s what I should do.”

Saida: “Can we see who cast it? Is it like an IP address? I’m gonna roll perception.” “The DC is 15 plus the spell level. You didn’t make it. You didn’t make it. Everyone gets bees! You brought in Dr Phil so now I’m Oprah.”

Saida: “Alright so hold on. We got a new dead bitch in the river.” Llydor: “It would be nice if you didn’t call the murder victim a bitch.” 

 Yoni: “We’re gonna go back to your hotel and eat and drink your shit until you get a necromancer.” 

The next step in this murder investigation is getting full nude and going to the hot springs. Of course.

“You’re outside the resort so she doesn’t come when you snap your fingers. Unlike in the resort when she DOES come when yoni snaps her fingers. EYYYYYY. Why do you let me GM for you?” 

They question Sprit while Sergei and Saida discuss swinging with each other. Loudly. Next to the mic.

“Everyone’s really drunk, welcome to the fuck squaaaaaad!”

Saida: “Reaper, I respect your monogamous relationship but I am gonna objectify Sergei heavily.” Reaper: “HARD SAME. We got something in common.”

Saida: “We gotta get me all skanked up. And I’m gonna sober up for, like, tennnnnn minutes.”

Saida goes on her date with Tarand with Sergei and Yoni at the next table “Like the moms on toddlers and tiaras doing the dance along with the kids” to coach her through a power pose.

Meanwhile, Maddela is breaking into Tarand’s room because she cares about solving the mystery. Weird.

Tarand: “When you left I was a little bit... taken aback.” Sergei: “Taken aback- that’s DILF-speak for crying in his cheerios.”

Saida uses her gauntlet of memories to punch Tarand and see a memory of his. (This is technically assault.)

Saida: “Wow, that makes me sound real bad.” “I WONDER WHYYYYY”

[in tarand’s memory.] “You pull a small square box out of your pocket, and you look at it. You sigh. You put it back in your pocket.” Yoni: “It’s probably poison!”

“Saida, if you must know... It was a ring. I was... Interested in you. But Now....” Saida: “You’re more interested! Because I’m a woman of mystery!”

Saida rolls sense motive, gets a 3, thinks he’s totally more into her.

Sergei is singing I Will Always Love You from the booth behind them.

What is this game

“I moved on, Saida. After you left.” Saida: “BOOOOOOOO.”

Saida: “So, once more for old time’s sake.” “Absolutely not.” Saida: “I think so.” “I don’t think so.”

[After emotional conversation where Saida gets rejected sexually] Saida: “Oh by the way that chick you banged is dead. I hair flip and walk away.”

Tarand now thinks Saida killed his girlfriend. For some reason. Sergei, Yoni, and Saida proceed to laugh about it loudly at the next table over.

Saida: “I’ve had a lot to drink and I’m very angry.” “In character, or...”

Saida: “We should go to another bar, this one sucks and is full of shit. Also we just cussed out that man and I think we should leave.” Sergei and Yoni: “We????”

Maddela: “So how long was that whole exchange?” “Painfully. Painfully long. You have SO MUCH TIME.”

Maddela breaks into the room and hears that Tarand’s boyfriend is in the shower. She goes through Tarand’s shit and I have to decide what he has.

Rhonia: “Are you gonna poison the sex toys because I feel like you should poison the sex toys.” Maddela: “.... I do have itching powder.....”

In a startling display of common sense, Maddela ignores the call to up the fucking prank game.She takes the first sheet from the notepad and does a rubbing to read what he was writing. There’s a lot of shit to Saida, but the last one is to Shareena, thanking her for services and pointing her to a tip.

Saida: “Can I get him drunk and try to fuck him?” Rhonia: “You missed your chance.” Saida: “That’s a long word.” “It’s three short words.”

Saida: I’m gonna show up hammered at his room later. Last time I was sober. This time I’m gonna be hammered and belligerent.”

Rhonia: “Bobbie had to pull all this shit out of her butt right now so be gentle!” “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting you to actually do some CSI shit.”

Maddela lies and says there wasn’t anything about Saida in there. Saida rolls well on sense motive, but Maddela gets a nat20 on her bluff check so Saida suspects nothing.

“Does anyone have roofies?” “I have drow poison.” “Oh, that’s perfect.”

Saida goes up to bug Tarand.

“I thought I made it clear that it’s over between us.” Saida: “Even if it’s over we can still fuck.” Sergei: “I love this game.”

Sergei: “Stick your tongue in his mouth!” “That is gonna be a roll of some sort!”

He closes the door on Saida because she’s being a sex pest.

Saida: “Your boyfriend’s hot!” “That’s why I’m in here with him instead of out there with you!” 

Sergei: “SET FIRE TO THE DOOR”

Saida: “I knock again and say Please let me in before I set fire to the fuckin’ door.” “Saida, you’re drunk.” Saida: “You’re drunk!” “I haven’t had a drink all day. Well, I had one appletini but that’s not a real drink.”

“Do you want to use a spell?” Saida: “How about Anticipate Peril?” Sergei: “Girl, you’re in danger!” “In danger of not getting dicked tonight!”

After a long discussion of whether Saida can burn down the door or electrify the doorknob as a prank- “Why is my party like this? I have done nothing in my life!” Sergei: “You mean why is Saida like this?” Saida: “Hey whoa now!” Sergei: “I’m just an enabler!”

After a few minutes discussing whether what Saida did was harassment. (It was.) Sergei, Saida, Maddela and Reaper go to the Hidden Serpent. Rhonia stays in the hot tub. We roll to see if there are any hot guys at the bar. There aren’t. Any average guys? There are a couple of elf 4s. 

 Saida: “I walk over and I’m pretty sultry about it. And in the actual way, not the shitty way I usually am.” “You are usually pretty shitty.”

Saida: “You’re lookin’ good.” “Thanks, you are too.” Saida: “What’s your name?” “My name is...”

God I love random name generators.

Enro Monsterblower refuses to be referred to by his first name only. He works running the roller coaster. He gives everyone a roller coaster ride and then bangs Saida. 

“He gets a natural 20 so he’s real good at sex. You roll a 17 so you’re okay but you’re not as good as Enro Monsterblower.” Rhonia: “Nobody is.”

“It’s not, like, a really good roller coaster because technology hasn’t been invented yet, but you don’t have anything to compare it to so you think it’s pretty dope. Better than anything you’ve ever experienced on the roller coaster front.” Yoni: “That being said, it’s shit.”

Maddela takes home a hot babe who I didn’t manage to name.

Then they wake up, and a huge blizzard has hit overnight, and now they’re snowed in.

“Well, only one thing to do now, Monsterblower, and thaaaat’s fuck.”

“Also the murderer is gonna cause people to die.” Saida: “Not if I murder everyone first!”

[onlymorelove]

fic:  Where Do You Go? (1/?)

Title: Where Do You Go? (1/?) Fandom: Teen Wolf Relationship: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken Characters: Theo Raeken, Liam Dunbar  Summary:  Theo needs a shower. 

(Takes place a few weeks after the Anuk-Ite is defeated.) Rating: T Tags: Post-canon, Character Study, Sharing Clothes, Touch Starvation Chapter Title: “He was pointing at the moon…”

Read under the cut or on AO3. Also, there is a [Part 2].

So where do you go Oh, whenever you disappear I can’t seem to find you when you slip into the night So where do you go I wanna follow you down, down Down where your secrets hide Won’t you let me inside? — Flor, “ Where Do You Go? ”

Being homeless sucked. Because his body was caught in a perpetual cycle of sleep deprivation, Theo usually crashed into an exhausted sleep within a few minutes of his head touching the grey hoodie Liam had left in his truck one day. He hadn’t asked for it back, so Theo assumed he’d forgotten about it or didn’t need it. He wasn’t a thief; he hadn’t stolen it from Liam, he rationalized. He just … hadn’t returned it—yet.

Instead, every night after he parked his truck in a dirt lot teeming with weeds and overgrown grass near an abandoned warehouse or somewhere else deserted, quiet, and therefore more likely to escape the sheriff’s department’s notice, Theo shaped the hoodie into a makeshift pillow, palms smoothing over the precise folds he created, memory flitting against his will to the beta with the earnest blue eyes and the mouth that tipped in a smile with as much ease as it curled in a scowl. No matter how fast he slammed shut the lid on images of those flashing eyes, it was never fast enough—never fast enough to keep out a dull ache in his chest and a sharp dip in his stomach.

Unless he was particularly unlucky and it rained, Theo never slept without cracking the car windows at least a half inch. On some nights a breeze thrust the scent of dew-brushed earth into the car; on others, he dozed off with molecules carrying the smell of heavy, smoke-tinged oak trees slowly seeping in and tickling his sensitive nose. Allowing just a bit of the outside air in kept his throat from closing up with a feeling of claustrophobia.

The unforgiving vinyl of the truck’s backseat didn’t make for the most comfortable bed, but it beat sleeping under a bridge, in a piss-stained alley, or worst of all, in an underground tunnel crowded with memories of slick, iron-tinged blood and a macabre symphony of screams echoing off walls that perpetually pressed in against him, against the boundaries of his skin and his mind—close and closer yet. Stifling. After his years with the Dread Doctors, if he never saw a tunnel again it would be too soon.

When he curled on his side and closed his eyes, pulling a thin, threadbare blanket up over his shoulder, the hoodie’s worn fabric felt soft under Theo’s face. And if, maybe, he sometimes rubbed his cheek against it like a cat brushing against its owner’s legs, well, there was no one there to see him and mock him for doing so. On the cusp of sleep, with his body tucked in and made as small as he could make it, Theo would pretend he heard the thrum of another heartbeat, felt the steady heat of someone else’s chest pressed against his back. Someone who smelled like fresh-cut grass warmed by a June afternoon sun.    

If the thump of a deputy’s fist against his car window didn’t force him awake only a couple precious hours into the night, lurid dreams of his sister whispering, “Theo …” while she stalked him on pale, bare feet with the end goal of ripping her stolen heart from his chest drove the sleep from his eyes.

The fatigue, though, remained.

What point was there in complaining about it to anyone? Or even dwelling on it in his own mind? Whatever the Dread Doctors had done to him, he was still a killer. He, Theo, had chosen to kill, and not for reasons any decent person would deem justified. Certainly not the man whose life he couldn’t seem to stop saving.

Survival. There had been a time when he’d yearned for power. For uniqueness. For belonging, even. Now? Mere survival. That’s all Theo needed. That’s all he wanted. A glimpse of blue eyes and a stubborn chin materialized in his head. Liar. Survival might not be all he wanted, but if life owed him anything, it was that, and nothing more.

Sometimes, after Tara had chased him from sleep into wakefulness, Theo buried his face in the grey hoodie he’d kept and breathed, slow and deep, dragging the traces of Liam’s scent that still lingered into his lungs and holding them there until his rabbiting pulse slowed. Until his shaking limbs stilled and his claws and fangs retracted. Until his harsh, panting breaths no longer rent the sour air in the car, and the acid tide that warped and corroded his veins rolled back out. Leaving cold sweat sliding down Theo’s temples and prickling on the back of his neck and under his arms.

But just like the ocean tide it mimicked, the sensation of being hunted; of waiting for icy fingers to scrape his chest, receded only temporarily, always returning. Always.

Theo yawned, jaw cracking, and leaned his side against the fingerprint-smudged glass door to the gas station convenience store. A bell jangled as he stepped inside. Perfume, high alcohol content and smelling of something sickly sweet and artificial—cotton candy, maybe?— hit like a bomb; made his eyes water. Behind the checkout counter slumped a woman with shoulder-length brassy blonde hair and about two inches of black roots. At the sound of his throat clearing, she turned a page in the magazine held in her hands.

“Yeah?” Her eyes never strayed from the magazine.

“Could I borrow the bathroom key?” he asked.

“Not ‘less you plan on getting gas or buying something.” She frowned and twined a brittle chunk of hair around her finger, still without looking up.

Foregoing an answer, Theo rolled his eyes and moved closer, set his forearms on the edge of the counter, and waited. Thickly mascaraed blue eyes finally dragged up his arms, over his chest, stopped at his mouth—even though his skin chilled, Theo licked his lips very slowly and listened for the telltale increase in her heart rate—and traveled on to meet his gaze. Shoving aside how his stomach clenched at this conscious use of his appearance as currency, Theo forced his mouth to curl up in a smile that hinted at things he was never going to give. (He’d tack it to the ongoing tally of his crimes.) “Please.” One word, delivered soft, sincere, and just shy of flirty because of the calculated trajectory of his raised eyebrow.

Bam. Mission accomplished. For his effort, the woman rewarded him with a head tilt and a dazzling smile complete with a flash of yellowed teeth streaked with a smear of purple lipstick. “Sure, honey,” she said, and Theo tried not to flinch when she slid her fingers against his as she handed him the key she’d pulled from beneath the counter.  

“Thanks.” He backed away; she wiggled red-tipped fingers at him and leaned forward, making the v-neck of her shirt gape. He didn’t look.

Jade sucked my dick here, proclaimed a snatch of graffiti, complete with a helpful arrow, scrawled in hot pink on the bumpy beige wall of the gas station bathroom, and Theo pressed the heels of his hands against his dry, gritty eyes and wondered if he was back in hell. He worked to breathe through his mouth and minimize the chaos of odors that beat against his nose. The plastic baggie he pulled from his back pocket held a travel size tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush sporting sad, splayed bristles. He brushed as quickly as he could, then spat into the chipped sink, gaze jumping over the brownish spots splattered there. He really didn’t need to know what they were.

Lukewarm water gurgled and spat from the rusted faucet and left an unpleasant metallic taste he couldn’t ignore. But that didn’t stop him from drinking three handfuls of it from cupped hands before he splashed it over his face and let it run down his chin.

He yanked a rough, brown paper towel from the dispenser and used it to dry his face, then tossed it in the overflowing trash can to his left. Sandpaper would have been less abrasive. When he reached to pull out another paper towel, he found the dispenser empty. “Fuck.” Shaking his head, he grabbed several sheets of cheap, thin toilet paper, folded and wet them. Mouth twisted in a grimace, he lifted his shirt and Liam’s hoodie, which he’d layered over it because he’d felt cold, and swiped at his armpits.

He didn’t intend to catch his reflection in the warped mirror, but it happened anyway. He scrutinized his own image with a critical eye. Purple half-moons ringed his narrowed eyes. A few days’ worth of stubble shadowed his chin, jaw, and cheeks. “I look like shit,” he muttered. Head ducked, he sniffed his pits, grimace deepening as the ripe odor thwacked him over the head. I smell like it, too.

Unfortunately, his hobo shower hadn’t done as much good as he’d hoped it would.

He waited until 11:30, when he knew Liam would be in school and his mother would be at work. Dr. Geyer’s schedule at the hospital was more unpredictable, so Theo tucked his truck into a cul-de-sac down the street from Liam’s house and walked the rest of the way, carrying his old, black duffel bag. Everywhere he looked he saw neat, two-story houses circled by trim, green lawns plucked, and no doubt chemically treated, to keep out unsightly weeds.

Though Liam’s mom and stepdad usually parked their cars in the driveway instead of in the garage, Theo didn’t assume they were out just because he didn’t see their cars. Upon reaching the front door, he trained his eyes over his shoulder to check if he’d been followed, by hunters or anyone else. Satisfied he hadn’t been tracked, he focused his enhanced senses on Liam’s home and scanned for heartbeats inside to confirm he was alone, before he lifted the red-hatted garden gnome to the right of the front porch and slid out the extra key he’d watched Liam fumble from there the night before when he’d forgotten his own keys inside the house.  

Liam might be impulsive and quick to anger, but he wasn’t stupid. Theo hoped he got lucky enough that if Liam caught his scent in the house once he came home later, he would be fooled into thinking it lingered there from when he’d hung out at Liam’s the previous night. They’d alternated watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns with him staring at Liam while he shoveled slice after slice of Pizza Hut stuffed crust pepperoni pizza into his mouth. Splotches of tomato sauce had dotted Liam’s plush, pink lower lip, and Theo had bitten his tongue, tasting blood, in order to keep from reaching for the messy beta seated tantalizingly close to him and kissing him clean. Control and self-control were paramount; spending time with Liam brought Theo unnervingly near to relaxing his white-knuckle grip on both.

He’d planned to get in, shower, and leave. But his stomach rumbled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten anything yet, so he stopped in the kitchen. The idea of stealing food from Liam, who’d invited him into his house just last night, didn’t feel right.

A long, rectangular kitchen table topped with brown, glossy wood and flanked by a bench on one side and three chairs on the other sat slightly off-center in the large kitchen. Overstuffed cushions called to Theo; he lowered himself into one of the chairs and sighed, his whole body loosening. Hunger pangs rippled through his stomach again. A quick rifle through his duffel bag netted him a snack-size bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.

(Theo didn’t have much of a craving for sugar. Salt was more his speed. Especially salt and vinegar chips. There was just something about the lip-puckering combination of sour and salty that he couldn’t resist.)

At the moment, he could’ve gone for something with a little more protein, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. A few minutes later the bag lay empty on the table in front of him. Theo leaned back in his chair and slid his fingers into his mouth, one by one, the movements slow and precise, and sucked off the salt and crumbs. To his right sat a mostly-empty bowl of what looked like oatmeal with a sprinkle of mini marshmallows. He couldn’t imagine it belonged to either of Liam’s parents. A smile crept over Theo’s face.

Sunlight spilled through the gauzy curtains that hung over the big window at his back, warming his neck and shoulders. His stomach, well, it would be inaccurate to say it felt anywhere close to full. Still, the gnawing emptiness had been appeased by the chips … The kitchen was warm and quiet; Theo’s eyelids drooped. With his eyes shut, he blindly pushed away the empty packet and sagged forward. His crossed arms rested on the placemat on the table, and his head dropped onto his arms. Just five minutes. Then I’ll shower and …

A firm hand gripping the muscle between his neck and shoulder jerked Theo awake.

Theo leaped up, sending the chair he’d been sitting on clattering to the tile floor. A growl rumbled up from the cavern of his chest. Breathing hard, balanced on the balls of his feet, he shot his clawed hands in front of him.

“Dude, easy. It’s just me.”

Liam.

“Hey,” Liam said, voice a touch softer now. “A little less ‘Grrr. Argh,’” he added, “would be good right about now. Put away the fangs and claws.”

Theo forced his claws and fangs to retract, then concentrated on slowing his breathing and his heartbeat. He turned away and righted the fallen chair, then folded his body back onto it, staring down at a dark knot on the surface of the wood table. The chair to his left scraped across the floor. Liam sat; the warmth from his body grazed Theo’s skin, making him want to curl against him and fall back asleep. That wouldn’t be weird, would it?

“Is that—? Are you—?”

“What, Liam? Just spit it out already,” Theo replied, his voice a tired echo in his ears.

“Theo, what are you doing here? And why are you wearing my shirt?” Fuck. Theo dipped his head to peek at his own chest, and almost groaned aloud. Almost. He was so fucked.

A/N: Thanks for reading! What do you think? I would love to hear from you, regardless of whether you like this, hate it, or fall somewhere in-between.

I’m trying to build a habit of writing a little each day, so I was clicking through tumblr on Halloween, searching for a trigger. I stumbled on a post that asked what a character’s favorite candy was—the one that he’d pick out and save for himself. This story’s inspired by that post, which I would love to link to, only I can’t find it. :(

Send me a prompt if you’d like.

[boywizardscanbecute]

Once Bitten Twice Shy

Summary: You moved to New York for the love of you life, who left you. A year later someone you thought you’d never see again walks into your life. Newt Scamander.

15,224 words

PSA- This has been my baby for the past month, please tell me what you think!

Your alarm blares in your ear, pulling you out of your nightmares. “I’m up,” you grumble, slapping the snooze button. You yawn and swing your legs over the foot of the bed, standing up. As you go about your usual morning routine, you can’t help but think about the dream you had. It was about him again, about Peter. Everyday your mind always wondered why he left you. You completely relocated for your love, moving to America, but apparently it wasn’t enough for him. It didn’t matter that it’d been a year, the pain was still fresh in your chest. You pull on your work clothes, and slip your badge in your waistband. Grabbing your coffee and keys, you walk out the door.

10 minutes later you arrive at work. “Morning (y/n),” your coworker Stephanie says cheerfully. “Morning Steph,” you yawn back at her. “What do we have today on the agenda?” you add. “Well a no-maj reported a gnome in their yard, we have to go collect them and perform the selective obliviate charm. The gnomes are getting bad in these parts,” she tells you. “Very well, and what will we do with said gnomes?” you ask her, dreading the answer. “Well, we’ll have to kill them,” she tells you. “No! I won’t do it! We’re supposed to be the department of care of magical creatures, I’d say killing it isn’t caring for it,” you argue. “Believe me I don’t want to kill it either, but we don’t have much of a choice, Seraphina is strict with her rules. Magic is out of control in America and we must suppress it as much as we can, lest the no-maj’s find out,” she replies. You sarcastically chuckle, “I never thought I’d see the day when wizards would hide from muggles. This is insane.” You shake your head. Your co-worker nods in agreement, “I know it is, but I’m just following orders.” “Well it’s about time you stopped following orders,” you grit through your teeth, marching out the door. “Where are you going?” she yells after you. “To talk to madame president,” you say, slamming the door behind you.

You find yourself taking the elevator up to the higher employees offices. You saw people standing guard, outside her office, but you march right past them. “Hey you can’t go in there!” one of the guards shouts at you. You ignore him and swing the door open, slamming it against the wall. “What is the meaning of this?” Seraphina asks incredibly. “Madame president you can’t keep ordering us to kill these creatures. It won’t help, it will only hurt their numbers, please, you’ve got to stop,” you beg. “(L/n) I don’t need this right now, I’ve got much bigger fish to fry. You have orders and you will follow them. Now leave,” she waves you out the door. “Madame president you can’t do this! This isn’t how the ministry of magic treats animals!” She turns sharply towards you, “Well this isn’t the ministry of magic, (y/n), you knew that when you moved here. We do things differently here, if you don’t like it, then leave.” “Regardless, no animal should be treated this way, please!” you raise your voice. She waves in two guards and says, “I've had enough of you today (l/n), go home.” “No please!” you shout at her as her guards throw you out onto the street. “Go home stupid girl, the magical congress of the united states is no place for you. Either oblige or next time Madame president will fire you,” they say slamming the door behind you. You hit the pavement hard, on your knees. “I don’t want to work here, believe me, but I don’t have a choice,” you grumble under your breath. You trudge back to your apartment, and fall into a restless sleep.

The next day

You have the pleasure of Madame President greeting you at the door personally that day. “I trust there will be no issues today (l/n)?” she asks you. “No Madame president,” you let your head drop. You march to your office that you share with Stephanie and begin the days work. Around lunch time there’s a big commotion in the hallway and you peek your head out, to see what's wrong. “Tina?” you see her familiar form standing in the doorway. “(Y/n), I heard what happened yesterday. You need to be careful or you’ll get fired just like I was,” she tells you. “I think I can take care of myself thanks. Besides, I’m not willing to sacrifice my morale values for this job,” you scoff. “Only trying to warn you,” she raises her hands up in surrender. “What’s going on?” you ask, referring to the commotion outside. “Dunno, but I’m gonna find out,” she smirks at you, and walks away. “Man she bothers me,” you grumble to yourself.

The next day you see him, being escorted through the building in a haste by Tina. His eyes pass over you and he stops, it’s as if he almost recognizes you, but not quite. He stares into your (e/c) eyes deeply, as if asking where he knows you from. His eyebrows raise in confusion.You turn away from him, hiding your face, and Tina yanks his arm, dragging him back along. “Is that Newt Scamander?” Stephanie asks, an awe in her voice. “Wouldn’t know,” you reply. It’s then that Madame President walks into your office. “(L/n), there was a niffler sighting by the bank. You’re on it. But I can assure you, if you don’t take the niffler out, if need be, you’ll be in a heap of trouble.” You nod and follow her out the door.

5 minutes later you’re inside the bank and you see him again. He’s searching frantically for his creature no doubt. His eyes pass over you once again, but this time he looks displeased as he spies your MACUSA badge. You turn to walk over to him, but that’s when you see a muggle holding an egg, an occamy egg. “Shit,” you curse under your breath. “Hey mister! I think your egg is hatching!” the muggle shouts at him. Newt draws him towards where he is, and dissapparates. “Fuck,” you dissapparate after them, no doubt to the safe where the niffler is.

You find yourself in the basement of the bank and search frantically for Newt. “Mr. Scamander!” you look around, but he’s nowhere to be found. “Damnit!” you shout, dissapparating back to your office.

“Well?” you find Seraphina anxiously waiting for you. “He got away,” you gasp. “But it wasn’t my fault,” you add quickly. Her face glowers and she says, “Very well, there's been several more cases of creatures on the loose. Find them, find them!” she shouts and storms out. You groan and turn to Stephanie, “Where’s the case file?” She hands it to you. You flick through it and stop on the page that shows the Jarvey. “I suppose I’ll start with him. But you’re joking if you think I’m turning him into that crazy lady,” you mutter and walk out, heading towards central park. The creature liked wooded areas, so you figured you’d start there.

When you get to Central Park, you see the ferret’s trails leading into a grove of evergreen’s. “Got you,” you smirk to yourself. “Oh really?” you whip around to see who replied, but no one was there except the Jarvey. “Excuse me?” you ask to no one in particular. “You heard me, god are you deaf?” the Jarvey looks up at you. “You, you, you can talk?” you babble. “Of course I can talk do you do your research?” the Jarvey laughs at you. “Well, I’m sorry, but you’re causing a ruckus for the no-maj’s. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with me,” you approach the creature slowly. “I don't think so,” the ferret runs into the trees just as you try to leap onto him. He’s too fast and your body hits the ground covered with pine needles, the air whooshing out of your chest. “Ughhh,” you get up and dust yourself off, running in the direction of the trees. “Come here you little rascal,” you shout and search the ground frantically for his tracks. Since your eyes are glued to the ground, you don’t see the figure ahead running straight towards you. He hits you with an almighty, “Oomph,” and you both fall smashing to the ground. “What the hell!” you yell. The man lays on top of you, and looks down at you. It was Newt. “Get off of me Newt,” you push him off. “Apologizes, but do we know each other? I recognized you immediately, as soon as I saw you,” he offers his hand, and picks you up off the ground. “Of course we know each other, or did you really forget? We went to Hogwarts together. Remember? We were both studying to be magizoologists.” “Ah yes of course, (y/n) is it? I haven’t seen you since…” his voice trails off. “Since you were expelled?” you finish his statement awkwardly. “Yes since I was expelled,” he sighs. “Well, what are we doing standing here, we need to find the Jarvey,” you tell him, trudging further into the trees. He follows behind you saying, “We? What we? I don’t believe I asked you for your help (y/n).” You scoff, “Well it sure looks like you could use it, I nearly caught that Jarvey before you barged into me.” He chuckles, “Aren't you a ray of sunshine.” “Shut up!” “Excuse me?” he asks at your outburst. “I said shut up, I can here the Jarvey crawling around, but not over your loud voice,” you repeat. That shuts him up. Scuffling comes from inside a tree. You walk towards it and pin point the branch where the animal is no doubt hiding. When your sure you dive your hands into the thicket and pull the squealing creature out. “Get off of me filthy witch,” it yells at you. “You got a place for him,” you ask Newt. He nods, pulling out his suitcase. He opens it and quickly shoves the creature inside. “Huh, what a nice home,” you say sarcastically. “It is! I live in there too from time to time. Now it was nice to see you again (y/n) but I’m afraid I must get back to finding my creatures,” he turns to walk away but you stop him. “Not so fast. I’m coming with you,” you state. “Why on earth would you do that?” he asks back in turn. “I’m coming with you because you don’t know New York like I do, I know the terrain, you need my help. Besides, you got me into this mess, now the president is threatening to fire me if I don’t round up these creatures, that’s right, MACUSA knows you’re here. So you’re gonna need someone on the inside to help you out. I need to save my job,” you tell him. He looks stunned and replies with, “Alright. Let’s go.” So you follow Newt out of central park.

“Where are we going,” you ask him after about ten minutes of walking. “Tina Goldstein’s. Perhaps you know her? She used to be an auror for your government. She’s also helping me get my creatures back.” You groan at the mention of her name. “What’s wrong?” Newt asks. “That girl, Tina. We don’t exactly get along,” you tell him.  “Why am I not surprised,” he replies. “She got fired, you have to wonder why,” you tell him. “Well that’s not my business. I’m just lucky that she’s agreed to help me, now I have two people on the inside at my aide,” he says. “Yea, I’m not sure I’d call it that, you have two people, one who was fired, and one about to be fired,” you shoot back. “Well, let’s go save your job then,” Newt says, stopping in front of an apartment building. “We’re here,” he whispers. Next thing you know, Tina is opening the door and rushing the two of you up the stairs before her land lord can see. “God Tina slow down,” you growl at her as she pushes you through the door. “Didn’t know you were bringing this one,” Tina throws at Newt. He just shrugs cluelessly. “In here,” Tina shows you into the only spare bedroom. “Newt and Jacob already took the beds, (y/n) I can grab you a sleeping mat,” she states. “Why would I stay here?” you ask in turn. “Because after you didn’t bring the Jarvey back, Madame president found out, and she’s just waiting on your doorstep to fire you,” she replies. “Very well then,” you sit down in the only chair in the room. A minute later Tina comes back with the sleeping mat, a pillow and blanket. You thank her, begrudgingly, and follow her out to the kitchen for dinner. “(Y/n), this is my sister Queenie,” she introduces you. “Hello,” you go to shake her hand but she pulls you into a hug. “She’s quite the sweet lady ain’t she,” Jacob says from the corner, clearly smitten with her. You laugh. “Alright we got a delicious dinner coming, if I do say so myself, so please go ahead and take a seat,” Queenie says, motioning to the kitchen table. You take a seat, careful not to sit next to Tina. Newt plants himself between the two of you. Queenie approaches the table with a gigantic roast chicken, served with mashed potatoes and green beans. “Wow Queenie, you’re quite the talented cook,” you compliment her. In your mind you’re wondering how someone so sweet could be related to someone so annoying. “(Y/n)!” Queenie scolds your thought, “My sister is too sweet.” Your cheeks flush and look down at your plate, finishing your dinner in silence.

When you finish dinner, Newt immediately gets in his suitcase for the rest of the night, checking on his animals. He said not to follow, but of course you do anyway. Awe overtakes you as soon as you step into his case. There were dozens of separated habitats, each filled with hundreds of different animals. It was beautiful, all of it, but the first thing to catch your eye was the thunderbird sauntering about. “He’s gorgeous,” you whisper into the hot desert air, as you step into his habitat. The bird whips around, looking at you. “Hey, hi,” you hold your hand out, showing that you mean no harm. The bird approaches you cautiously. You bow your head showing your respect. The bird judges you, deciding on whether or not he likes you. He decides he does and places his head in your hands, letting you pet him. “Thanks,” you tell him. You stand petting the bird for a while, until he’s completely leaning onto you. You chuckle, “Alright alright, I can sit down, that way you can sit in my lap.” You move to sit down in the grass and the giant bird lays his entire upper body in your lap. You continue to pet him, and he lets out a soft coo. You’re so content, just to sit there, stroking his soft fur, that you don’t even here him come up. “(Y/n)?” Newt’s voice calls out rather softly. You lightly turn your head and motion for him to come here, as the thunderbird has fallen asleep in your lap. He sits down next to you in the grass. After a beat of silence you ask him, “What is it?” “Oh nothing,” he quickly replies, “It’s just I haven’t seen Frank take a liking to anybody except me.” You lightly laugh, “Frank. That’s a good name for him.” Newt gulps and nods. “What’s the matter?” you ask him, turning to look him in the eyes. He looks down at the ground and sighs, “I’m just worried about them. They’re out there all frightened, amidst the most horrible creatures on this planet.” “Oh and what might that be,” you question his strong judgement. “Humans,” he states, gritting his teeth. “Man, someone must’ve really done a number on you,” you tell him. “Whatever do you mean?” he asks you. “Well, just that. I would’ve said the exact same thing a year ago, but you learn to move past a bad breakup, Newt,” you reply. “How did you know?” he whispers. “Because I know what a broken heart looks like, I’ve had it done to me too, and now I have no where to go because of it, so believe me I get it. But it’ll fade,” you whisper back. “Sure it will. It’s been ten years,” he says quietly. “Give it time,” you state. After a pause he says, “What do you mean you have no where else to go?” “I moved here for my love, and after a month, he left me for someone else.” You let your sentence hang in the air. His breath is taken away by your statement. “(Y/n) I’m,”- you cut his apology off, “I know.” He gulps and looks down. “Well I think that’s enough personal talk for the day, if you’d allow me, I’d very much like to stay here with Frank,” you tell him. “That’d be fine, I don’t think he’d let you up now anyways. Goodnight (y/n),” he stands up. “Goodnight Newt,” you reply softly. He returns to his shack, and you lay back against the hill, snuggling up, the majestic bird acting as a blanket. Your eyes begin to droop, and the last thing you see before you fall asleep is Newt watching you from afar.

The next morning you’re awakened by the sunlight peeking through your eyelids. “Mmmhh morning Frank,” you yawn. You stretch your legs and walk around his habitat. When you turn to leave, he whines. “Don’t worry I’ll be back,” you laugh, patting his nose before you leave, making your way through the suitcase, back into the bedroom. When you emerge you find everyone already bustling about, Queenie making breakfast. “Hiya sweetie, like a shower? We got towels already in there, and some of your clothes were sent here last night,” Queenie greets you. “Okay,” you nod. When you climb into the shower/tub, you turn on the steaming water, letting it run over your tired, sore body. As you wash and condition your hair, you think about what Newt said, about humans. “Perhaps it was true, but not of all humans,” you thought. You climb out of the shower and wrap a towel around you, scurrying into the bedroom to find your clothes. You decide to put on your blue skirt and blazer and are slipping on your black flats when Tina comes into the room. “(Y/n), can we talk for a moment?” she asks you. You nod. “It’s just, well, I know we don’t get along much, but we must! I don’t want you to lose your job and I’d very much like mine back. So can we just agree to set aside our differences for now?” she asks. You sigh, “I would like that Tina, but right now there is one thing standing in my way. See I know you like to do everything by the book, and that’s the problem Tina. Madame president, she wants to do away with all these animals, so are you telling me that in order to get your job back you would be willing to kill them?” “Of course not! But it’s not that simple, we must do some things by the book,”- you cut her off, “We can’t. If we do, we condemn us all, including those animals.” She huffs, “We shall see. In the mean time, I hope you can agree to be civil.” You smirk and say, “We shall see.” She rolls her eyes and walks out of the room.

You stand in front of the mirror, putting on some light makeup and curling your hair with your wand. When the smell of Queenie’s delicious breakfast overtakes you, you declare that you’re finished and walk into the kitchen ready to eat. “My my don’t we look gorgeous,” Queenie says. “Jacob thinks so too,” she adds, reading his mind. He responds by blushing. “So, where are we off to today?” you ask, sitting down to eat. Newt shoves a bite in his mouth and says between chews, “I was thinking that we’d go looking for the swooping evil.” “Okay, where do we start?” you ask him. “Well he likes dark spaces, so maybe we check the subways?” he suggests. “Sounds like a plan,” you reply. So the five of you exit the apartment, and head down to the subways.

After about an hour of searching, Newt slumps against a brick wall outside and slides down. “It’s like he could be anywhere on earth by now. How am I ever supposed to find him?” he asks bewildered. “Hey, we’ll find them, don’t worry,” you offer a hand to pull him back up and keep searching. He takes it and the search continues.

Suddenly there’s a scuffle around the next alleyway and you quickly round the corner to see the murtlap, yet another escaped animal from Newt’s case. “Newt!” you called out for him. “What is it?” he comes into view. He gasps when he sees his murtlap attacking the muggle, Jacob. “Jacob!” you gasp and run over to him. There was a nasty bite mark on the side of his neck. “Newt, we have to get him help,” you stare at him gravely. Newt nods and swoops up the murtlap, shoving it into his suitcase. “Come on Jacob, let’s get you back,” you pick up the slumped over man, grab Newt’s hand, and dissapparate back to the Goldstein’s apartment.

As soon as you get back you lay Jacob down on his bed. “Newt hand me my wand,” you say quietly. He places it in your palm and you wave your wand over the wound, healing it. “You’ll be alright Jacob, just get some rest,” you gently lay him back on the bed to rest. You back out of the room and quietly close the door. When you turn to walk back to the kitchen, Newt stops you and grabs your arm. “(Y/n), wait.” “Yes?” you turn around. “I.. um.. thank you, for acting so quick under pressure. I, I fear Jacob wouldn’t be alive without your help,” he stares at the ground. “Well, um, you are welcome,” you nod.

At dinner Tina attempts to reason with you. “(Y/n), some things must be done by the book, don’t you see what a danger these creatures are?” “Now wait just a minute,” Newt attempts to interrupt. “Tina we just can’t do that. It’s cruel, inhumane. I won’t let you,” you respond. “I agree it’s not ideal, but we don’t have a choice, it’s the only way I’ll get my job back,” she attempts to reason with you. “Well I don’t care enough about my job to do things this way,” you reply. “Perhaps there’s another solution,” Newt chimes in. “We shall certainly see. Now enough bickering it’s supper time,” Queenie comes strolling into the kitchen with a piping hot plate of meatloaf. “Thank you Queenie this all looks delicious,” you smile at her. Dinner is a quiet affair, as there’s not much to talk about. When you finish, you decide to retire to the bedroom. Getting up from the table you glance at Newt and ask, “Would it be alright if I spent some more time with Frank?” He looks up at you surprised, a smile forming on his face. “Of course it’s alright love.” “Thanks,” you nod and exit into the other room.

When you arrive in the other room, you quickly swing open the case and run into Frank’s habitat. “Hey buddy,” you smile and sit down next to him, beginning to pat him. You feel relief and all of your worries begin to fade away as you stare at the beautiful surroundings. Sleep soon overtakes you and Frank lays his wing over you, protecting you and shielding you from view.

Newt's pov

He finished his dinner and quickly rushed off to his suitcase, anxious to see how Frank was reacting to that peculiar girl. He excused himself and quickly climbed down the ladder. It was late, and she was already asleep, the vision was a dream. Underneath the sparkling stars and midnight blue sky she slept. The meadow was a deep emerald green below her and the stars shined like a halo surrounding her. She laid with her hands resting on her stomach, her peaceful slumber depicted on her face. Of course, she was hidden from view. He rounded the corner and saw Frank’s wing splayed out above her, protecting her. He was stunned, shocking his thoughts into silence. The only thing that came through in his head was how beautiful she was. Her (h/c) hair splayed around her and even though her eyes were closed, he could just imagine those (e/c) eyes sparkling like the sun. Her skin was pale, shining in the moonlight and her supple skin was gorgeous. What was so strikingly beautiful about this peculiar girl was that she was not like any other girl he had ever seen before. She wasn’t a skinny, conventional female, she was a rounded, curvy, compassionate woman. (Y/n) was a marvel to him, the thought itself shocked him, he’d never thought about her this way before.

Regular pov

The sun shone through your eyelids and you slowly peaked your eyes open. Frank's wing was still above you, but you could hear other birds chirping as the creatures began to wake. “Morning (y/n),” Newt chuckled. You nearly jumped out of your skin, As you sat up, you saw Newt standing over you. “What are you doing here? How long have I been asleep?” you babble. “Not long, I just figured you’d want to get some breakfast. After all Queenie is the best cook around,” he continues to laugh. He offers you a hand and pulls you up. You dust off your skirt and follow him up back into the Goldstein’s apartment. During breakfast, it’s hard to concentrate on your meal, on account of Newt never taking his eye off of you. “Newt is something wrong?” Tina asks him. “What? Oh no, everything’s fine,” he babbles, pulling his eyes away from you. You look down, blushing, avoiding his gaze. “So where do we look next?” Tina asks. “Well, I could actually help with that,” Queenie butts in. “Do go on?” Newt implores her. “Alright well there’s a club, and a goblin I know owns it. Rumor is that he grabbed some of those creatures and we’ll have to get to the speak easy tonight. Around 9, but it's not the quaintest of places. We’ll have to get all dolled up and such,” Queenie says much too excitedly. “Well I suppose we should prepare,” you add, exiting the kitchen.

4 hours later

You stood in the bedroom, curling your hair with your wand. “I think I've found you the perfect thing,” Queenie announces, coming strolling into the room. You gasped, staring up at the beautiful dress she held in front of you. It was a flapper dress, navy with a black and blue overlay of beads, strings of them hanging down at knee length. “Queenie it’s perfect!” you tell her. “I thought as such,” she smirks and hands the dress over to you. You put the dress on and it hugs your curves in just the right way. “Beautiful,” Queenie adds. You smile sheepishly. You turn back to the mirror and continue to curl your hair. It falls in delicate waves, framing your face in just the right way. With just a touch of blush, mascara, and lip rouge you were ready to go. When you exited the bedroom Newt stopped in the middle of his conversation with Tina and stared at you, mouth agape. Queenie giggles behind you and says, “Newt thinks you look good too.” He glares at her for reading his mind, but nods, confirming her statement. “Well, thanks Newt,” you smile to yourself, looking at the ground and brushing your hair behind your ear. “Shall we go?” Tina asks everyone. You nod, grabbing hands and dissapparate.

When you arrive at the club it’s extremely evident that the stakes are high. The tension in the air is palpable and almost everyone stares at the newcomers that had come through the door: you. A song begins and Queenie hisses in your ear, “Go dance, blend in. Jacob and I will do the same. Tina, go look for clues, and the goblin.” You nod and gulp deeply as Newt reaches his hand out and offers it to you. The music begins and it’s a slow, jazzy piece. He places his hand on your waist and intertwines his fingers with yours in your other hand. You take a sharp breath. He smiles into your eyes and says, “You know you do look lovely.” You look down and smile in response. Watching your feet, careful not to stumble, Newt removes his hand from yours and pulls your chin up, saying, “Are you really that afraid to look at me?” “No,” you whisper back. The song continues and you almost immediately stumble. “Sorry,” your face  goes red. He chuckles lightly, “Don’t worry about it.” The song slows and Newt lightly pulls you into him, and you rest your head on his chest. As you sway back and forth, you feel a sense of calm wash over you. It was short lived. Out of the corner of your eye you can quickly see Tina getting into a heated argument with the goblin owner. Newt is lost in the music so you pull back and whisper, “Newt look.” He turns his head and panic flashes across his eyes. “Come on,” he pulls you by the hand to over where Tina is causing trouble. Queenie and Jacob quickly follow. “What’s going on here?” you ask Tina and the goblin. “This ex-government employee is trying to swindle me into telling her where some creatures are. This is my club, and that ain’t gonna happen. At least not without some sort of exchange of sorts,” he snarks at you. “Oh really, and what exactly would you require?” you reply back equally as sarcastic. He looks at Newt and smirks, “That,” he says pointing to Pickett. Newt’s face drops. “Absolutely not,” he shields Pickett from the goblin. “Newt,” Tina and you say at the same time. You walk up to him and hold your hand out for Pickett. “We’ll get him back I promise,” you console him. A tear manages to escape from his eye and he slowly hands him over. You turn around and reluctantly hand him over. “Now, give us the information we need,” you snarl at him. He narrows his eyes and says, “They’ve all hidden themselves away in the city. Rumors are the Occamy has taken nest up in the macy’s on 5th. Your Erumpent has been spotted up in Central Park. That’s all I know.” You’re about to respond when there’s a scuttling and 3 aurors burst through the door, including Percival Graves. “Well, time to go,” Tina grabs Queenie and Jacob’s hands and dissapparates. You turn towards the goblin and yank Pickett out of his hand, smiling the fakest smile ever, and say “Thank you very much.” Pickett in one hand, Newt pulls you into him and you dissapparate back to the Goldstein’s apartment.

You reappear in the kitchen and see Queenie, Tina and Jacob sitting around the table. Newt finally lets go of you and you turn to him smiling. “I believe he belongs to you,” you say pulling Pickett out from behind your back. Relief floods over his face. “Thanks,” he says gratefully. “Well we have a starting point for tomorrow. As for me, I think I’m going to go to sleep,” Tina gets up and walks to her bedroom. Everyone else follows.

It’s the middle of the night and you begin to toss and turn. You hadn’t danced like that with someone since Peter, your former lover. It was like you were right back there.

Flashback

You emerged from the bathroom, dressed in white. The strapless, chiffon gown clung to your curves, yet flowed down your body. “Oh my (y/n) you look gorgeous,” Peter smiles at you as you emerge. “Do you really like it?” you look down, blushing. “It’s beautiful,” he says, taking your hands in his. “Don’t you know it’s bad luck to see a bride before the wedding? We aren’t even getting married, not for 3 months anyway,” you chuckle. “(Y/n), darling, We’ve waited long enough, you moved here for me. I think we’ve faced all the bad luck we’re going to ever face,” he pulls you into his arms, where you feel protected, safe. You wrap your arms around his waist, smushing your face into his chest. Behind your back, Peter waves his wand, and your favorite song plays on the record player. “Dance with me?” he whispers in your ear. You smile up at him, taking his hand in yours and placing your other on his shoulder. As you sway across the floor, you both sigh in contentment. “I never thought that I’d get this life,” you say softly into his chest. Peter looks down at you and says, “Darling why would you think that?” “You know as well as I that I’ve not had the easiest path to where I am today. I’m just glad I found you,” you reply. “Me too,” he smiles. You lean back into him and your two forms dance into one as you make your way barefoot across the wooden floor of your apartment. When the song ends, the two of you continue to dance, dancing till dawn.

The dream remained in your head, that wonderful moment of peace, when you danced with the one you loved. But then the horror of it all comes crashing back, him leaving you for another woman, you desperately trying to get him back, everything came crashing back. You woke up sobbing, and screaming. “No, don’t leave!” you cried half asleep. Queenie comes bursting into the room. “Oh (Y/n) wake up, wake up! It was just a dream,” she shakes you awake. Tears stain your face as you look up to see Queenie, Newt, and Jacob standing over you. When you’ve awakened Queenie gasps, seeing your thoughts. She drops the mug in her hand and it shatters across the floor. The pieces bounce against the hardwood, echoing in your mind as you sit there, dumb struck.“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, pulling you into a hug. You begin to sob into her shoulder, knowing she must have seen your thoughts. “It was horrible, it was like it was happening all over again,” you whisper. “I know I know,” she says stroking your hair. You open your tear stained eyes and look up to see Newt’s emerald green ones staring back at your own. His face is filled with despair, watching you in pain. He raises his eyebrows at you, asking you with his expression what could’ve hurt you. You look at him, sadness filling your features, too scared to reply. “Why don’t you go take a shower,” Queenie pulls you up off the ground. You nod slowly, and emerge into the bathroom. The last thing you see before shutting the door is Newt, who looks as if he desperately wants to follow you, to make sure you are alright.

When you step out of the shower, you find a set of clothes on the toilet seat. You slip on the black cotton dress and the big gray cardigan to go with it. The colors reflected your mood. As soon as you’d barely opened the door, Newt was standing in the doorway, demanding to know what was wrong. “(Y/n) what’s going on? Please tell me,” he begs you. “I can’t," you look down, avoiding his gaze. You turn to walk past him, but he grabs your arm. “Please,” he asks again. “It's too painful, please Newt, let it be,” you say, the sobs escaping you. You turn to try and leave again, but he yanks you back. “I just, I don’t want to see you in pain,” he chokes up. You look up at him and your lip quivers. “I, I’m sorry,” you yank your arm out of his grip and walk into the bedroom. Newt’s face falls, defeated, and he turns to walk back into the kitchen.

The next day

You didn’t sleep at all last night, instead choosing to stay up and walk around Newt’s case. In the morning he came and found you. “(Y/n),” he lets your name hang in the air. You turn around and see him standing there, cautiously approaching you. You sigh, “Newt would you please let it go.” “I can’t. I saw your face, I saw how hurt you were, you’re my…. friend. I don’t want to see you hurt, tell me,” he walks closer. “No. Please go,” your voice grows cold as he pushes you further. “(Y/n) please,” he once again grabs you by the arm. “Stop! Just let me be! I don’t want to talk about it!” you snap at him. He’s taken back by your outburst, and removes his hand from your arm. “Alright, I shall let you be,” he says, backing away. His face stayed with you though, he looked hurt. You yelled at him, but all he wanted to do was help you. And you wouldn’t even let him.

Three days later

Newt had barely spoken five words to you, only when he had to, when it had to do with his creatures and that was it. He was hurt, you could tell, you pushed him away. The guilt was eating away at you. You decided today would be the day you would apologize. He was in his suitcase, almost scarfing down his dinner just to get to it. You finished shortly after and followed him down into his case.

When you got down there, you smiled to yourself, he was sitting on his work bench, nose pressed in a book, while he wrote down his research with his other hand. He had no clue you were even there. His brows were furrowed in concentration and his tongue stuck just slightly out as he wrote his work. “Newt?” you call to him. He raises his head, tearing himself away from his work. “(Y/n), he states. “Can I come in?” you ask tentatively. “It appears you already have,” he says somewhat sarcastically. “Suppose I deserved that,” you say walking over to him. You pull another stool over to where he sits and look him in the eyes for a rare occasion. “Newt, I just, I wanted to apologize. For how I snapped at you. You were just trying to be my… friend, and I pushed you away. I’m sorry Newt. And I know that an apology isn’t enough so I figured I owe you an explanation,” you pause. “Alright,” he nods. “Well, it’s just dancing with you, that night, at the club, it reminded me of my past relationship. His name was Peter, and we were to be wed. You see, that night, it was eerily like another night that I shared with him. And so I dreamt of that night, of a time when I was truly, truly, happy. Before he left me. Where we danced barefoot across the wooden floor. And when I woke, it all just came flooding back to me. How he left me for another woman. How he stood up our wedding, telling me I was not enough for him and that I never would be,” you pause as tears push through your eyes and continue, “And that’s why it was so hard for me. Because when I’m reminded of him, well, it’s hard to forget about that time in my life. How I was never enough, how I was nothing. And that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Newt, you were just trying to help,” you sob. All the while you explain, he stares at you with his shiny green eyes, they grow wider with every word. And when you cry, he does too. Just for a moment. You finish looking down, but he pulls your chin up to look at him. “Thank you (y/n), thank you for trusting me with that. I’m so sorry, truly. But you aren’t nothing, you were never nothing. You are one of the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve known in my life. Even at Hogwarts, you were, you always have been.” You shrug off his words, but he continues, “Darling you’re a goddess. And once you know what that truly means, I pray for anyone who tries to hurt you.” His words leave you dumbstruck. “Do you really mean that?” you ask quietly. He smiles for the first time in a while and says, “Every word. It is the plain and simple truth.” You laugh, but it comes out as half a sob. No one had ever thought so much of you. So you said as much. “No one’s ever said anything so kind about me.” “Well they should,” Newt replies immediately. “Why do you care so much?” you find the words falling out of your mouth, too late to take them back. He smiles to himself and shakes his head. “Honestly, I don’t know. There’s just, there’s something about you (y/n), something wonderful,” he trails off, looking down. This time it’s your turn to pull his chin up to look at you. “Newt,” you say barely louder than a whisper. As if the clouds had parted, it all became clear in Newt’s head, his feelings about you. Before you had time to process any of it, Newt leans forward on his stool and lightly presses his lips to yours. There was electricity, just like your first kiss with Peter, but this was different. You felt safe, you knew you could trust him. You leaned in more and Newt responds by placing his hands on your cheeks. When you pull away, you lean your cheek into his hand, bringing your other hand to linger on your lips, where he had kissed you. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have”- you cut Newt off by pulling him closer, kissing him again. This time it’s your turn to run your hands through his hair, those cinnamon curls. Your hands find each other behind his neck and your legs push against one another as the stools are now so close together. His hands find themselves on your shoulders, relaxing you. He brushes the hair away from your face and his piercing eyes stare into your (e/c) ones. “See I told you. A goddess,” he mumbles. You blush more and take his hands in yours. For a while you sit there in peace, but soon enough you blurt out, “What does this mean?” Newt smiles at your excitement and says, “I don’t know what this means (y/n), but I know that I care deeply about you, and would never ever hurt you.” “Good enough for me,” you smirk at him. The clock strikes seven and you soon realize that it’s Newt’s time to check on all the animals. “Come on,” you hold out your hand for him, and gesture to outside. He takes your hand in his and the two of you stroll in the moonlight of each habitat, checking on his creatures.

When you emerge from the suitcase, Queenie and Tina stand in the doorway, waiting for you two. Queenie immediately smiles, reading both of your thoughts. “You kissed,” she exclaims with excitement. Both of you blush profusely and stare at the ground. “You did?” Tina asks. You look up at her and nod. “Well, I’m happy for you,” she says, reluctantly. “I know it’s hard to be happy for me Tina, given our rivalry, but that means a lot,” you reply. She smiles at you for the first time since forever. Newt interrupts, “Now we can check central park tomorrow for the erumpent. I’m sure he’s still there.” “Sounds like a plan,” Tina nods. It grew late and the 5 of you decided to go to sleep. As you curled up on the ground Newt walks over and says, “Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the floor?” “I’m sure,” you smile, but there was a worry behind your eyes. “What is it?” he asks you. “I just, I haven’t sleep since that dream,” you admit. “Well I’m right here, if you need anything, please wake me,” he urges. “I will,” you squeeze his hand. “Well, goodnight then (y/n),” he says, kissing the top of your hand. “Goodnight,” you say peacefully.

Flashback

It was supposed to be a surprise, the proposal. But you found out about it. It was an accident, but you already suspected. Peter never liked to cook, yet he insisted on cooking you dinner tonight. And now you knew why. He just cleared your plates, so you knew it was coming. “Peter?” you call into the kitchen. He emerges with a candle and a cupcake. “Happy birthday darling,” he smiles at you. “Thank you,” you take it from him, but instead of blowing out the candle you set it on the table. “Darling what’s the matter? Don’t you like cupcakes?” he asks. You gulp and say, “Peter I know. I know you’re going to propose.” He just laughs, “Of course you do.” “I'm sorry, really,” you add. He pulls the box out of his pocket and motions for you to sit down. “I guess it won’t be much of a surprise then,” he says kneeling down in front of you. “(Y/n) I love you, with all of my heart. And I want you, forever, for the rest of our lives. I promise I’ll never leave you, I promise I will love and cherish you forever. You’re everything. So (y/n) will you marry me?” he asks. Tears come to your eyes as you hold out your hand giddy. “Of course I’ll marry you,” you laugh and cry. He slips the ring on your finger, and you stand up, wrapping yourself around him. He kisses your head and looks at you. “It’s you and me, the rest of our lives,” he smiles. “Forever and ever,” you agree.

Your eyes blink open and you feel the tears automatically come. “God why?” you breath into the night. You reluctantly sit up from your mat and look around for Newt. He’s fast asleep in the bed on your right. You feel bad waking him, but you knew that he would get mad if you didn’t. You sit on the edge of his bed and brush his red curls away from his face. “Newt?” you whisper. His eyes slowly blink open, bringing him back from whatever dream he was in. “(Y/n)? Are you alright?” he asks you, sitting up. You shake your head no, knowing if you tried to speak you’d end up sobbing. He understands, and silently opens up his arms. You fall into his chest, the silent sobs wracking your chest. He strokes your head with his hand, and whispers, “Shhh, it's okay. Everything will be okay I promise.” You nod into his chest. After a few minutes he looks in your eyes and says, “Do you wanna talk about it?” “It was the proposal,” you sob, “He promised not to leave but he did.” “(Y/n) look at me,” he wipes the tears from underneath your eyes. “I may not have known you for long, but I’m not going anywhere that you’re not coming with me,” he states with sincerity. “Okay?” he reassures you. “Okay,” you nod, sniffling. He smiles and says, “See? All better now.” He kisses your forehead and rests his against yours. After a few minutes he breathes, “What would help you to sleep easier?” Your cheeks turn pink as you say, “Sleeping here.” Referring to the bed. “Alright,” he nods, gulping nervously. He adjusts the covers so that you can climb under them. You climb under them and turn so you’re facing Newt. “Thank you,” you whisper. He responds by lightly kissing you. The two of you fall asleep staring into each other’s eyes, without a word.

You wake up to light peeking through your eyelids. You squint open your eyes to find your position changed. You were now facing away from Newt and his arms were wrapped protectively around you, your legs scrunched up into your chest. His chin rested on your shoulder, he was still fast asleep. Before you can even think about moving, Queenie walks in and smirks at the two of you. “My my, what have we here?” she jokes. Newt’s eyes blink open and he quickly sits up, pulling you with him. “Queenie, um, what it is, is”- she cuts him off. “Oh it’s alright darling, I already know,” she smirks. Newt still blushes. “Breakfast time you two,” she says as she walks back to the kitchen. When she’s gone Newt says, “Alright love?” You nod, “I slept soundly.” “I’m glad,” he says getting up, but pausing to plant a kiss on your cheek.

After breakfast the five of you decide to take the search to central park, to find the erumpent. “Are you sure the goblin wasn’t tricking you?” you ask Tina. Before she can respond Newt says, “It makes sense, the environment in central park, it’s perfect for him.” “Okay,” you nod. You all grab hands and dissapparate.

You reappear near the pond in central park. You all stare around, searching for any sign of him. “There!” you point up by the bridge and see the erumpent prancing around. “Come on, we need to use someone as bait,” Newt says as he pushes Jacob foreword. Jacob’s eyes widen in fear. “It’ll be fine,” you tell him. Soon enough you find yourself standing on the bridge, watching with Queenie and Tina. Jacob stands in the middle of the frozen pond, with armor on. “Oy! Over here!” he calls. The erumpent charges towards him, but Newt jumps out right in front of him. He sways his legs back and forth. “What is he doing?” Tina asks incredulously. You chuckle, realizing what he is doing. “He’s doing a mating dance, attracting the erumpent so he can capture him,” you snort, laughing. Newt continues to back towards Jacob, all the while completing the dance. He completes it with shaking his butt at the erumpent. The creature charges and Newt turns around, waving his wand, snapping his fingers, and sucking the creature up into his suitcase.

Newt and Jacob approach the three of you on the bridge and you look down at your feet, breaking into a fit of laughter. “(Y/n)? What is it?” Newt puts a hand on your arm, concerned. You look up at him and snort with laughter. “I’m sorry,” you wheeze between giggles, “It’s just that mating dance. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” Newt immediately goes bright red, which makes you feel bad for laughing. “I’m sorry for laughing, I just couldn’t help it,” you quickly say, wrapping your arms around him. “It’s alright,  I suppose,” he says into your hair, hugging you back. “Thank you,” you say planting a kiss on his cheek.

When you arrive back into the apartment, Queenie starts to make dinner, and you and Newt enter the case, checking on the erumpent. You find him back in his habitat, safe and sound. “Right where he should be,” Newt lets out a breath. “Yes he is,” you reply, taking his hand. “What now?” you ask him. He smirks, pulling you into him and planting a kiss right on your lips. You’re taken by surprise, but after a pause you wrap your arms around his neck and his hands find their way to your waist. You slide your tongue across Newt’s teeth and you can tell it takes him by surprise. After a brief hesitation, his tongue entwines with yours, tasting as sweet as ever. He pauses, pulling away. “(Y/n), I’ve just realized, we haven’t been on a proper date,” he tells you. “I suppose we haven’t,” you smile. “But I think all these walks around the case might count,” you add. “I suppose they do,” he smiles back. “Shall we see if dinner’s ready?” you ask him. He nods. You take his hand and the two of you climb up the ladder and exit the case.

There’s an air of contentment at dinner. After all, there was just one more creature to find. Though you suspected Newt would want to stick around just like you did to take care of Mary Lou Barebone. When you finish taking care of the animals, Newt doesn’t even hesitate when he pulls up the covers for you to crawl in next to him. He automatically wraps his arms protectively around you, and you pull his hand up to your lips, planting a sweet kiss on it. “Goodnight Newt,” you yawn. “Goodnight (y/n),” he whispers in your ear.

The next morning you roll over to feel around for Newt, but he’s not there. “Newt?” you call out for him. He steps in the doorway and smiles at your sleepy form. “Breakfast is ready,” he beams. “Mmmkay,” you say sleepily, flipping the covers off of you. You change into one of your day dresses, it was green cotton. Taking your gray cardigan off of the chair, you walk into the kitchen. Sitting down you say, “So where is the occamy hiding?” “Macy’s, been lots of sightings,” Tina replies. “Well we should get to it,” you say back. “After a solid breakfast,” Queenie chimes in.

After breakfast you dissapparate into macy’s. It’s dim and dank, nearly the entire store being abandoned after the obscurial attacks. Newt sees fallen feathers. “Come on,” he motions, following the trail. It leads you upstairs and you find the occamy nesting in a storage room. “He’s gigantic, how do we get him in the case,” you ask incredulously. “He shrinks down to the size of his pray,” Newt responds, “Now I just need to find a bug.” You all begin to search the ground. Just then, the occamy begins to awake. “Uh oh, Mr. Scamander,” Jacob starts. Newt motions for him to be quiet. Newt approaches the creature and whispers, “Keep looking.” You pull his arm back and say softly, “Newt be careful.” He nods. He attempts to soothe the creature while the other four of you search for any sort of insect. “Found one,” you quietly chime picking up a cockroach. You walk slowly over to Newt, but it’s too late, the Occamy already saw it. “Newt catch!” you shout throwing the bug at him. He holds a teapot in one hand, but catches it with the other, stuffing it in the teapot. At the same moment the Occamy jumps into the air and hurls its humongous body at the teapot. Mid-air the creature zaps and is shrunk as he dives into the teapot after his prey. Newt takes his suitcase and throws the teapot in there, shutting it closed. “Thank god,” Tina whispers into the air. You nod fervently. Tina suddenly grabs Newt by the arm and says, “I’m sorry Mr. Scamander, but the president must know.” Before you know it, she’s dissapparated with Newt and his suitcase back to MACUSA. “Newt, NO!” you shout. Queenie attempts to console you, “It’ll be okay, he’ll be back.” “No. I’m getting him back, now!” you reply, dissapparating.

You reappear in your office, luckily no one is there. You cautiously open the door and wander down the hallway. “Newt?” you whisper, searching frantically for him. “Newt!” you call again. You round the corner and that’s when you see him, in handcuffs, as well as Tina, being pulled away by Percival Graves. “Shit,” you mutter under your breath. Queenie and Jacob appear beside you and Queenie says, “I know where he’s taking them.” “Come on then,” you reply. Queenie nods and cautiously leads you down the hallway.

“I’m sorry Newt,” Tina sobs as they’re pushed into the pristine white room. Newt sighs, “Tina, did you know this would happen? (Y/n) needs me. If I die now, I would surely doom her to never trusting another soul again. We need to get out of this.” Tina replies, “I don’t think we can,” as Percival pushes her down in a white chair. “Sweet dreams,” he says sinisterly and he slams the door shut. One of his aides comes forward and extracts memories from both Tina and Newt, throwing them into the pool of black liquid beneath. Then she too exits. “Newt what’s…” Tina trails off as her own memory entrances her. Newt looks down to his and smiles to see the image reflected back at him. It was (y/n), kissing him the night before. How he ached for the pain he would cause her, when he was gone. He wanted to escape, but the sight of her, her smooth (h/c) hair, glowing skin, sparkling (e/c) eyes, he was bewitched by her figure.

Outside of the door you stood with Queenie. There was an eery air that washed over you, emanating from that room. “Queenie what is this place?” you ask her. “A death chamber,” she breathes back. You gasp, “We have to save them!”

Newt’s pov

The chair sunk lower and lower, but he had no idea. He was enthralled by the vision of her, standing with him. The way she caressed his cheek. The way they danced across the floor, all of it was heaven. The black liquid began to bubble up across the bottom of the chair and soon he would be dead. Suddenly, as if by a miracle, the door swings open, ricocheting off of the wall. The noise made him look up and he saw her standing before him in real life. His senses came back to him and he realized if he didn’t get out now, he would never see this beautiful girl again.

Regular pov

You kicked open the door and there he was, cinnamon curls and all, sinking to his certain death. “Newt!” you shrieked. Before your mind could comprehend what your body was doing, you apparrated right into his lap. Pulling him into your chest, you dissapparated immediately back to the doorway just as the black ooze bubbled up over the chair. Tina, who had come to her senses, was now standing on the top of her chair, crying out for help. You leave Newt in the doorway and dissapparate, grabbing her, and apparating back to where the rest stood. “Okay?” you ask her. She nods. “Thank you,” she mumbles. Once she said this you turn to Newt and throw yourself into his arms. He barely has time to catch you. Before you know what’s happening you find yourself sobbing heavily into his chest. “I thought that I was going to lose you,” you hiccup. “Shhh, shh, you’ll never lose me,” he wraps his arms tightly around you. You continue to sob silently into his chest and he kisses the top of your head. There’s a scuttle down the hallway and Queenie says, “We better get out of here.” You nod and the five of you travel back to the apartment.

Back at the apartment, Newt holds you close to him, never letting go. “How about we go somewhere more private? I need to make sure you’re okay,” Newt says to you. You nod and he takes your hand, leading you down into the case. Newt sits on a stool and you follow suit. He begins, “(Y/n) I’m so sorry. The memory, the sight of you, it put me in a trance, as I’m sure was the point, and I should’ve been stronger. If I left you, I can’t even imagine what effect that would have had on you.” “I’m just glad I was able to get to you in time,” you sniffle. “Yes. Me too. Thank you, for saving me,” Newt chuckles. You half laugh, half cry in response. “(Y/n), I, well, we haven’t been together for long, but I feel like you’ve been what’s missing,” he admits. You look up at him and smile for the first time in hours. “Me too,” you reply. He presses his forehead to yours and says, “Don’t ever change.” You smirk back under his gaze. “Only for you,” you whisper. You both get off of your stools and wander back upstairs for dinner.

After dinner you all converse around the kitchen table, planning on how to help Credence. “It’s his adoptive mother. She’s ruining him, tormenting him. We have to get him free,” Tina pleads. “We will,” you reassure her. “How?” she asks. “We need to get him away from her. That’s what is causing his transformations,” Newt replies. “I don’t know how we would. She’s got him locked up under her thumb. That’s how I got demoted in the first place, trying to help him,” Tina admits. “We’ll save him,” Newt reassures her. “I think we should plan this one out a little more. Obscurials can be dangerous and we don’t want him to get hurt,” you add. Everyone nods. “So tomorrow we go after him?” Newt asks. “Yes. Agreed,” Tina responds.

The next day was senator Shaw’s campaign. But there was an incident. An obscurial swept through the building, killing Henry Shaw Senior. Newt and his creatures, they had a reputation at this point. And that’s how Madame President knew to come after you. “This obscurial, is causing too much damage to the city. It must be destroyed,” she yells at you. “He’s just a boy,” Tina argues. “Silence Goldstein,” the president shrugs her off. “Madame President please,” you beg her. She sighs, “You have one hour to try to take care of him in your own way. After that, I send in Graves.” You nod and she dissapparates.

“Hurry,” you shout over your shoulder, descending into the subway station. “He must be down here,” you say aloud. When you all emerge into the tunnel, you see him standing there, Credence. “Credence,” you hold out your hands to show you mean no harm. “Stay back,” he cries. “We don’t want to hurt you, we want to help you,” Newt says walking up beside you. “Please Credence, let us help,” Tina adds. He cautiously approaches. You can see the end of this destruction in sight, but that’s when Graves appears. “Credence no!” the auror shouts, standing between you and Credence. “Credence it’s okay, you can do this,” you cry. Graves turns to you with a satanic smirk on his face. “Ah (y/n), I figured you’d be here. And it��s a good thing you are. See I got awful tired of Mr. Scamander here always winning. Everyone said he had no weaknesses. But I think I found one,” he narrows his eyes towards you. “What do you want with her? She did nothing to you,” Newt steps forward and places a protective hand in front of you. “On the contrary. She rescued you. And you, Mr. Scamander, you’re ruining my plans. See I have big plans for the wizarding world,” he moves closer. “But you’re already an auror, what more could you want?” Tina steps forward, questioning him. “Ah you see that’s where you are wrong Ms. Goldstein,” he laughs. Newt’s eyes pop and he realizes who Graves actually is. “Revelio,” Newt says as soft as a whisper. Graves stands there and lets the spell wash over him. When his disguise is gone, he’s revealed in all of his horrible glory; Gellert Grindevald. “No,” Tina whispers in horror. “Yes it’s true. And I think I got here just in time. Wouldn’t want the president ruining my plans. See Newt, you are gonna give up these creatures to me and you’re gonna give up your fight,” he dissapparates. He reappears directly behind you and whispers, “Or (y/n) dies.” Grindevald yanks your arm, pulls you into him, and the two of you dissapparate. “NO!” Newt reaches for you, but it’s too late. You were already gone.

You reappear in a dark, dank room. “Where are we?" you ask aloud. It’s pitch black, so you’re not sure where his voice comes from when he says, “Somewhere no one will find you.” “What do you want from me?” you attempt to say in your bravest voice. “It’s not what I want from you. It’s what I need from Newt,” he chuckles. “What?” you ask. “Newt has interfered with my recruiting for far too long now. And besides that, I’ve seen the damage his creatures can do. I need that for my dark forces,” he tells you. Fear slips down your body like a cold gush of water. “He’ll stop you, you know. He’ll never give up his creatures for me. They mean too much to him,” you say, trying to convince yourself it’s the truth. “You’re wrong (y/n). Newt would do anything for love,” he laughs at you. The L- word makes you shake with worry. Did Newt really love you? You’d known each other for all of a week. But that didn’t matter to you, you felt like you’d known him a whole lifetime. “You can keep me here. He won’t come. He knows better than that,” you state. “Oh does he?” Grindevald makes you doubt yourself. “Just to be sure, however, I may need to make you look worse for the wear,” he sneers. You hear footsteps and back further into your corner. The steps grow closer and the fear inside you heightens. Suddenly an arm is yanking you towards him. You can hear the cling of metal and before you process what is happening, he cuts into your flesh, causing blood to spurt out of your arm. “That ought to cause enough damage,” his hot breath speaks in your ear. You realize he must have hit a vein, because the blood feels like it is gushing out of you. Soon enough, you grow dizzy, and slump to the ground, against a wall. “What did you do?” your voice comes out fuzzy. “Oh that, I may have struck a vein or two. Don’t worry, you won’t die. Not yet. I need you looking at death’s door to get that boyfriend of yours to come rescue you,” he replies. “He’s not… we’re not…” you don’t even finish your sentence before you black out.

Meanwhile back at the subway station..

“We have to get her back! Where would he have taken her?” Newt paces angrily. Queenie attempts to calm him, but he shoves her off. “Newt, don’t you realize why he did this? He wants to make you trade your creatures for (y/n),” Tina tells him. “Then that’s what I’ll do,” Newt says without a second thought. “What? After we went through all that trouble to get them back? Are you crazy?” Tina asks him as if he is joking. He turns to her, “No. I’m thinking about (y/n), which makes one of us. None of you three seem to even care that he’s probably taunting and torturing her right now. I don’t care. She’s more important.” Suddenly Queenie gasps. “What?” Newt turns to her. “You love her,” Queenie states with awe, even the thought surprised her. Newt ponders the thought for a split second before saying, “If you read my mind then yes, you know it’s true. I love her. And I’m not about to let her die.”

Your eyes flicker open, the florescent light burning through them. You try to sit up, but gasp when you feel a stabbing pain in your arm. You found your arm wrapped up with a bandage, but it was already red with fresh blood. Grindevald walks into view. “Glad to see you awake. I have a job for you. It's been nearly three hours. We need to send Mr. Scamander a message. So here's what’s going to happen. I’m going to send him a message with my patronus. And you’re going to tell him the deal, give me his animals, or I’ll kill you. On your feet,” he yanks you up by your hair. You screech in pain. He throws you against the wall and hisses, “Do it!” He waves his wand and you begin. “Newt,” you cry. “Newt I’m being held captive by Grindevald. He says you have to bring him your case and hand it over or, or,” you pause, refusing to give that ultimatum to your sweet heart. “Crucio!” he shouts, pushing you over the edge. “Agggh!” you writhe in pain. “Newt bring him your case or he’ll kill me,” you grit between the pain. Grindevald strolls into view and says, “Mr. Scamander. You have one hour.”

Back at the subway station

They stand in a circle plotting on how to rescue you. That’s when Madame President walks in. “Mr. Scamander, I trust you took care of Credence?” Newt looks up, “Actually no. We have a much, much, bigger problem at hand.” Seraphina rolls her eyes and says, “Oh really and what could that be? Another excuse?” “No! Graves isn’t who he says he is. He's Gellert Gridevald. And he kidnapped (y/n), he's torturing her!” Tina shouts. Seraphina’s eyes nearly jump out of her head. “Oh dear,” her voice trails off. Suddenly the white wisp of a patronus comes floating down to right above their heads. It flashes into a video, a video of you. Your image comes into view and your voice comes across in the end. “Bring your case or he’ll kill me,” the reflection of you states. “You have one hour,” comes Grindevald’s voice. The patronus fades out and Newt nearly snaps his wand in half out of anger. “We have to get her back, now! If you won’t help me, I’ll do it myself,” he yells dissapparating. He thought of you, and as a result, he appears to where you are.

You sit chained against some unknown brick wall. The bandage on your arm reeked of infection. In the perhaps hour or two since you sent the message, he had been non stop torturing you, repeatedly using the crucio curse. Your body was slumped over, defeated, as you fade in and out of consciousness. Tears escape your eyes, dripping onto the concrete. He blasts you with another curse and you thrash in agony. Your body falls to the ground from your seated position, your head smacking the concrete. You can feel your skull open and fresh blood pour out. “This is it. I never even got to tell him I love him,” you sob. Suddenly, as if you had wished it, his form appears in front of you.

Newt’s pov

As he dissapparated, he kept his thoughts on her. Guilt ate away at his insides, he should of protected her more. This was all his fault. And now, because of it, she might die. His body twisted and turned through the air, apparrating, while he tried to think of her when she was happy, when they first shared a moment, that night at the speak easy, when they danced. He loved that memory, but he hated the fact that it later caused her pain that night. His body came screeching to a halt. He opened his eyes and there she was. The sight broke his heart, tore it to smithereens. She laid on the hard, cold, concrete floor. Her (h/c) hair was splayed out around her, but a pool of blood was leaking out around her beneath it. Her legs were twisted up against her, as if she was trying to block out some of the pain. A small drip of blood leaked out of her lip. The sight made him want to cry, cursing himself yet again for letting this happen to her. As soon as he arrived he could smell the stench from her arm and knew it must be infected, shortening the time she had left right now. Her tiny, frail voice called out to him, “Newt?”

Regular pov

He appeared like a miracle and you felt a tiny bit of hope spring up inside you. Your small voice croaked out, “Newt?” Needing to be sure, you were worried you were hallucinating. He immediately came to your side, pulling you into his lap. “You came for me,” you smiled, reaching up and caressing his chin with the back of your hand. Tears fell from his eyes onto your cheeks. “Of course I did,” he whimpered. “(Y/n), I’m so so sorry, this is all my fault,” he continued. “Hey,” you press your finger to his lips, “Don’t say that. I’ll be," you pause in pain, “I’ll be okay. And if I’m not, I’ll just be glad that we got the time we did together.” “Don’t say that. You’ll be okay,” he says, now openly weeping. “No, she won’t,” Grindevald comes strolling into view. You pull Newt’s face down near yours and say, “You can’t let him have the case. Whatever will happen to me will happen, but your creatures, you can’t let him use them for evil.” Newt looks at you sadly. “But I can’t live without you,” he admits. You cry at the unspoken love this man has for you. “And I you, but we have to think about the greater good,” you sob. Suddenly, rushing to your aide, Tina, Queenie, and Jacob come bursting into the room. Queenie visibly winces when she sees the pain you’re in. Feeling your pain and how severe it is she shouts, “Newt, you need to get her help now, or she will surely die.” Newt nods fervently. He pulls you into him, preparing to dissapparate, but you push against his chest, “No. We need to stay and help.” “(Y/n), you are so good, so pure, but if we stay, you will die. I cannot live with myself if you’re dead,” he whimpers. You burrow into his chest and prepare to dissapparate in your condition. The feeling never comes. Instead you feel yourself being ripped away from your love. “No!” you cry in pain. Grindevald took you, stood you up, and held a knife to your throat. “Ganging up on me? Now that’s just plain not fair. Shame,” he jokes with your life in his hands. The knife drags across your throat, grazing your skin, producing dribbles of blood. “Don’t hurt her,” Newt stands up, grabbing his case. “You can take them. You can take everything I have but for the love of god, don’t hurt her,” he continues. “Hand over the case Mr. Scamander,” Grindevald motions for it. Newt slides it over. As soon as he does Grindevald throws you across the room and you fall into Newt’s arms, barely able to stand on your own. “I think I can say with confidence, that it is too late for her,” he chuckles. Newt stares at him with loathing in his eyes. “I will find you,” Newt growls at him. “And I will destroy you.” Suddenly, as if from the heavens, the president appears. “I think we can arrange that Newt,” she states. She casts a simple stunning charm, but it hits Grindevald as he is taken by surprise. They handcuff him and yank the case out of his hands. “Tina take it,” Newt says, gesturing to the case. “I need to get her help,” Newt says. At this point you had passed out in his arms, and your blood was covering his chest. Tina catches the case and Newt brushes your hair out of your face, whispering to your unconscious form, “You’ll be okay. Please be okay.” He pulls you into him and dissapparates you into the hospital.

You fade in and out of consciousness, but can make out that you’re on a gurney, being rushed into the emergency department at the wizarding hospital. Your eyes blink open and you look up to see Newt running beside you. You grab his hand and he looks down at you in surprise. Intertwining your fingers, you tell him, “I love you.” You don’t have a chance to hear his response, as you begin to fade back out of consciousness. The last thing you hear before the world goes black is, “She’s lost too much blood, it’ll be a miracle if we can save her.”

3 days later

You wake up to find yourself in a hospital bed. Trying to shoot up, you immediately cry out in pain, and lay back down. When you look to your right, you can see multiple bags of blood tied up to your IV, being transferred into your body. Your eyes glance to the left and you see Newt asleep in a chair next to your bed. His hand rests on the edge of the bed, as if it was just holding yours. You grab his hand and squeeze it. His eyes slowly open, unsure if he dreamed your reaction. When he sees that you are indeed awake he whispers, “(Y/n)?” You nod, smiling, a tear coming to your eye. Newt immediately sobs, “They said you might never wake up. But you did, you did and you’re here.” He plants kisses all over your hands. Newt looks into your eyes and you open your mouth to speak, but find your throat on fire. You point to a glass of water and Newt brings it to you. After downing the whole thing you take a breath and say, “I’m okay.” He laughs at your simple statement and says, “You are. You’re gonna be just fine.” “Thanks to you,” you add. Newt argues, “Because of me, you almost died.” You shake your head no. “Because of you, I am alive, but not just alive, I am thriving,” you state, staring into his forest green eyes. He gulps, struggling to accept your response. His eyes light up as he remembers the last thing you said to him. “(Y/n),” he gasps, “(Y/n) I love you too.” You smirk. “I thought as much,” you joke. Newt laughs at how you’re already back to joking with him. “When do I get to go home?” you ask. Newt chuckles, “Not so fast. You’re gonna be in here, for a few weeks. But that’s okay, I’m gonna stay here with you. I’ll update you on everything that happened since your surgery.” “Surgery?” you ask. Newt nods, “Your skull was so broken up, they had to reform it." “Oh,” you breath, feeling the back of your head with your hand. All the hair was shaven off the back, just for the surgery. “I’m bald,” you half laugh, half cry. “I can fix that,” Newt laughs. With a wave of his wand, your familiar (h/c) locks return. “They said it’ll take three weeks of recovery,” he tells you. “Okay. That’s easy compared to what I just went through,” you reply. “I’m sure it is,” Newt says. “Can I get you anything?” he asks you. “Just you,” you say sincerely, opening the covers for him to crawl in next to you. He gets up, and that’s when you see it, the bandage on his arm. “Newt what happened?” you gasp. He looks at you and realizes you don’t know. “How do you think you got the blood you needed?” Newt states. The answer hits you and you immediately cry, yet again. “You gave that much blood for me?” you cry softly. “Of course I did. For you, I would do anything,” Newt states as if it is the simplest fact in the world. You lean over just enough to kiss him on the lips, placing each hand on his cheeks. He kisses you back, now sitting on your hospital bed, propping himself up on his elbows. “I love you Newt Scamander,” you cry. “I love you too (y/n) (l/n),” he presses his forehead to yours and kisses you yet again. The kiss has both of your tears intermingled in it and it tastes salty sweet. “Now, let’s get some sleep,” he says, removing his lips from yours. You nod and lay down. He lays down beside you and wraps both arms protectively around you. You place your hands on top of his and your legs intertwine in a pile of blankets. For the first time in nearly a week, the two of you fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

You wake up and turn over to look at Newt. He’s sleeping soundly and you peck his face all over with kisses, waking him up. “(Y/n) stop,” he laughs as you attack him with more kisses. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe we can finally be together, in peace,” you say between kisses. “Me too, darling, me too. But they said recovery won’t be easy,” he tells you. “Doesn’t matter. I can do anything with you,” you state simply. “I hope so,” he smiles. A nurse walks in and says, “Alright (y/n) now’s the time where we’re gonna test various skills of yours. Because the injury to your head effected your brain, we want to make sure it’s functioning properly. It’s going to be like any other test you would normally take in school. If you’ll just come with me.” You get up and Newt follows. “I'm sorry Mr. Scamander, you cannot come with,” the nurse holds her arm up. He frowns and says, “Alright I’ll see you later then lovely. You can do this,” he says, planting a sweet kiss to your forehead.

The recovery was the hardest. They gave you tests of all sorts, from math, to science, to history, nearly everything. “I can’t do this anymore,” you throw your pencil down. “Alright. You may go,” the nurse pulls the test from your desk. Your head is pounding, you definitely exceeded your capacity for concentrating. You walk down the hallway and anxiously rush into your hospital room. “Newt sits with his work spread all over the table. You pause outside the door, smiling at his concentration. You lightly knock, “Hey.” He nearly jumps up and says, “(Y/n) darling are you feeling any better?” You sigh and walk over sitting on the arm of his chair. “It was terrible, it’s so hard to concentrate,” you sigh. He puts his arm around you and brushes the back of your head. “I know, I had a feeling it would be. You don’t need to concentrate though. I had an idea,” he looks at you excitedly. “What is it?” you ask. “Well…. I was thinking since I still need to finish my book, that maybe you could do the illustrations? I remember you saying you like to draw and that way you can contribute,” he says hurriedly. Your face lights up at his suggestion. “Newt that is a fantastic idea! You’re the best,” you say as you plant a sloppy kiss on his lips. He chuckles, “I’m glad you like it.” He continues to kiss you, making you weak. “As much as I’d love to keep kissing you, I think I need to get some sleep,” you tell him. He nods and pulls you into the hospital bed with him. Your head rests on his chest with his arm underneath you. You curl into his side and hold his other hand. “Sweet dreams princess,” he mutters in your ear. You snuggle into him more and fall asleep.

The three weeks of recovery are rough, as you adjust to your new, lower brain capacity. But Newt was right, with your concentration levels dwindling, your drawing flourished, actually becoming something to be proud of. Over the time you where in the hospital, you had already begun illustrations for the book. On the last day, Tina, Queenie, and Jacob came to visit you. “(Y/n)!” Queenie shouts rushing over to give you a hug. You laugh and hug her back, dropping the suitcase in your hands. “Thanks for coming you guys,” you tell them. “It’s our pleasure, we’re just glad you’re alright,” Tina says genuinely. “And I have some good news. Madame President has offered you the position of auror, should you choose to accept it we would work together,” she adds. You smile sadly. “Tina that’s wonderful, I’m so happy for you, but I can’t be a part from Newt, not now that I’m alive and well. I’m going to travel with him, and do the illustrations for the book. But I’m really proud of you,” you tell her. She smiles, “Thank you. I think that’s wonderful, I’m so glad you two found each other.” You blush and Newt’s hand finds yours. “So what will you do? Since you get to leave?” Jacob asks. You shrug, “I guess we’ll go back to my apartment for a little while, but I don’t care where we are, as long as I’m with him.” “Well, keep in touch, okay?” Queenie says. “Will do,” you smile and hug her. When you’re done saying goodbye to everyone, you grab Newt’s hand and bring him back to your apartment.

You arrive in your living room. You hadn’t been back here in over a month, but it was just the same way you left it. “So this is my place,” you say sheepishly. Newt grins. It reflected who you were so much. There were plants covering almost the entire space and the walls were white, with a bright yellow couch in the center of the room. “I love it,” he beams. “Really?” you ask. “Really,” he turns to you, taking your hands in his and staring into your eyes. “So what now?” you ask. “Now, now we get to be together,” he replies simply. You turn to him and drop the suitcase in your hands, grabbing the collar of his jacket and smashing your lips to his. His eyes open wide in surprise, but they quickly close. He brings his hands up to your cheeks and caresses them with his gentle touch. Still grabbing his collar, you let your tongue dance across the inside of his mouth. His hands wind themselves into your hair and he tugs at it, causing you to open your mouth more, allowing him to slip his tongue in. His hands find your lower back and he pulls you closer to him. This time it’s your turn for your fingers to get tangled in his cinnamon red hair. His hands pressed against your back, send shock waves through your body. You were very aware that this time, for the first time, the kiss wasn’t sweet, it was passionate and full of heat. Newt pulls away for the first time and breathes in your ear, “I’m so happy I found you (y/n).” After that he finds the sweet spot behind your ear and kisses the skin there. Your hands tighten in his hair, letting him know that what he’s doing feels good. You can feel his lips form into a smile as he licks down your neck. “N-n-newt,” you stutter under his touch, getting awfully squirmy. He removes his tongue from your skin and smiles, planting a sweet kiss on your nose. “Come now, we should get some rest,” he pulls you towards what he assumes is the bedroom. “Alright, but if we go in there, I don’t think it’s rest we’ll be getting,” you walk in front of him, swaying your hips in just the right way. He runs in after you like a giddy school boy and says, “Oh really?” You turn and press him against the door, “Really,” you whisper right against his face. He smiles and scoops you up, laying you down on the bed. He shakes off his coat and comes over to you. “Are you sure, (y/n),” he asks. You smile, “I’m sure. I love you Newt.” That’s all the answer he needs. He surprisingly presses your arms above your head and kisses you all over your body, sending you reeling. “God, Newt!” you shriek, tugging on his hair, pulling him into you more. The rest is a blur of sweaty, hot, bodies, melting into one as Newt shows you just how much he loves you.

The next morning you wake up in a tangled pile of skin. The sun shines brightly through your window. “Morning Newt,” you plant a kiss to his bare chest. “Morning lovely,” he smiles at you, running his fingers through your hair. “Shall I make us some breakfast?” you ask him, starting to get up. “Not yet, don’t leave,” his arm snakes around your waist and he pulls you back into him. “Newt!” you laugh out loud at his actions. “I just can’t get enough of you,” he says kissing your shoulders. You turn to face him and say, “I cannot believe how lucky I am.” “I’m the one who’s lucky,” he returns. You blush. You nuzzle your face into his bare chest and he holds you against him for a while. “What next,” you say after the silence. “I don’t know. I want to take Frank to Arizona. That’s the reason I came here in the first place,” he replies. “Well I think we can make that happen,” you tell him.

Hours later, you’re dressed and ready to go. “Shall we?” you offer your arm to Newt. He takes it, and you dissapparate.

Appearing in the center of a desert, you stare around in awe. “Where are we?” “The grand canyon,” Newt breaths it in. You grip his hand tightly. “Will he like it here?” you whisper. “I know he will,” Newt assures you. He briefly lets go of your hand so he can bend down and open the case. Reaching down, he motions for Frank to emerge. He does, slowly, but surely. The majestic bird looks around. Smiling beneath his beak, he prances around the rocky terrain. He pauses, and comes back to you. “Hi Frank,” you smile and pet his beak. The bird coos into your shoulder. A tear manages to slip from your eyes. “Good luck buddy,” you tell him. Frank pecks you on the cheek and walks over to Newt. Newt’s a mess at this point, having to say goodbye to one of his favorite creatures. “You be good now Frank,” he murmurs, hugging the creature with all his might. Frank soars off over the two of you, and creates a light rain in tribute to your parting. “He’ll be so happy. I know it Newt,” you come over to your love and put your arms around him. “I know, I know,” Newt mumbles, placing his head into your neck. You pull his cheeks into your hands, “I love you Newt Scamander.” “I love you too (y/n),” he presses a kiss on your nose. You stand, watching Frank fly off. After a while, you say, “What shall we do next my love?” “Anything you want,” he replies. You smile, leaning into him, and you dissapparate.

The End.

[ouatimaginesnetwork]

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

ATTENTION: THIS IS NOT A ONCE UPON A TIME FIC! BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULDN’T READ IT! IT IS A NEWT SCAMANDER! X READER! 

Summary: You moved to New York for the love of you life, who left you. A year later someone you thought you’d never see again walks into your life. Newt Scamander.

PSA- This has been my baby for the past month, please please please tell me what you think!

~Hannah Banana :) 

15,224 words

Your alarm blares in your ear, pulling you out of your nightmares. “I’m up,” you grumble, slapping the snooze button. You yawn and swing your legs over the foot of the bed, standing up. As you go about your usual morning routine, you can’t help but think about the dream you had. It was about him again, about Peter. Everyday your mind always wondered why he left you. You completely relocated for your love, moving to America, but apparently it wasn’t enough for him. It didn’t matter that it’d been a year, the pain was still fresh in your chest. You pull on your work clothes, and slip your badge in your waistband. Grabbing your coffee and keys, you walk out the door.

10 minutes later you arrive at work. “Morning (y/n),” your coworker Stephanie says cheerfully. “Morning Steph,” you yawn back at her. “What do we have today on the agenda?” you add. “Well a no-maj reported a gnome in their yard, we have to go collect them and perform the selective obliviate charm. The gnomes are getting bad in these parts,” she tells you. “Very well, and what will we do with said gnomes?” you ask her, dreading the answer. “Well, we’ll have to kill them,” she tells you. “No! I won’t do it! We’re supposed to be the department of care of magical creatures, I’d say killing it isn’t caring for it,” you argue. “Believe me I don’t want to kill it either, but we don’t have much of a choice, Seraphina is strict with her rules. Magic is out of control in America and we must suppress it as much as we can, lest the no-maj’s find out,” she replies. You sarcastically chuckle, “I never thought I’d see the day when wizards would hide from muggles. This is insane.” You shake your head. Your co-worker nods in agreement, “I know it is, but I’m just following orders.” “Well it’s about time you stopped following orders,” you grit through your teeth, marching out the door. “Where are you going?” she yells after you. “To talk to madame president,” you say, slamming the door behind you.

You find yourself taking the elevator up to the higher employees offices. You saw people standing guard, outside her office, but you march right past them. “Hey you can’t go in there!” one of the guards shouts at you. You ignore him and swing the door open, slamming it against the wall. “What is the meaning of this?” Seraphina asks incredibly. “Madame president you can’t keep ordering us to kill these creatures. It won’t help, it will only hurt their numbers, please, you’ve got to stop,” you beg. “(L/n) I don’t need this right now, I’ve got much bigger fish to fry. You have orders and you will follow them. Now leave,” she waves you out the door. “Madame president you can’t do this! This isn’t how the ministry of magic treats animals!” She turns sharply towards you, “Well this isn’t the ministry of magic, (y/n), you knew that when you moved here. We do things differently here, if you don’t like it, then leave.” “Regardless, no animal should be treated this way, please!” you raise your voice. She waves in two guards and says, “I’ve had enough of you today (l/n), go home.” “No please!” you shout at her as her guards throw you out onto the street. “Go home stupid girl, the magical congress of the united states is no place for you. Either oblige or next time Madame president will fire you,” they say slamming the door behind you. You hit the pavement hard, on your knees. “I don’t want to work here, believe me, but I don’t have a choice,” you grumble under your breath. You trudge back to your apartment, and fall into a restless sleep.

The next day

You have the pleasure of Madame President greeting you at the door personally that day. “I trust there will be no issues today (l/n)?” she asks you. “No Madame president,” you let your head drop. You march to your office that you share with Stephanie and begin the days work. Around lunch time there’s a big commotion in the hallway and you peek your head out, to see what’s wrong. “Tina?” you see her familiar form standing in the doorway. “(Y/n), I heard what happened yesterday. You need to be careful or you’ll get fired just like I was,” she tells you. “I think I can take care of myself thanks. Besides, I’m not willing to sacrifice my morale values for this job,” you scoff. “Only trying to warn you,” she raises her hands up in surrender. “What’s going on?” you ask, referring to the commotion outside. “Dunno, but I’m gonna find out,” she smirks at you, and walks away. “Man she bothers me,” you grumble to yourself.

The next day you see him, being escorted through the building in a haste by Tina. His eyes pass over you and he stops, it’s as if he almost recognizes you, but not quite. He stares into your (e/c) eyes deeply, as if asking where he knows you from. His eyebrows raise in confusion.You turn away from him, hiding your face, and Tina yanks his arm, dragging him back along. “Is that Newt Scamander?” Stephanie asks, an awe in her voice. “Wouldn’t know,” you reply. It’s then that Madame President walks into your office. “(L/n), there was a niffler sighting by the bank. You’re on it. But I can assure you, if you don’t take the niffler out, if need be, you’ll be in a heap of trouble.” You nod and follow her out the door.

5 minutes later you’re inside the bank and you see him again. He’s searching frantically for his creature no doubt. His eyes pass over you once again, but this time he looks displeased as he spies your MACUSA badge. You turn to walk over to him, but that’s when you see a muggle holding an egg, an occamy egg. “Shit,” you curse under your breath. “Hey mister! I think your egg is hatching!” the muggle shouts at him. Newt draws him towards where he is, and dissapparates. “Fuck,” you dissapparate after them, no doubt to the safe where the niffler is.

You find yourself in the basement of the bank and search frantically for Newt. “Mr. Scamander!” you look around, but he’s nowhere to be found. “Damnit!” you shout, dissapparating back to your office.

“Well?” you find Seraphina anxiously waiting for you. “He got away,” you gasp. “But it wasn’t my fault,” you add quickly. Her face glowers and she says, “Very well, there’s been several more cases of creatures on the loose. Find them, find them!” she shouts and storms out. You groan and turn to Stephanie, “Where’s the case file?” She hands it to you. You flick through it and stop on the page that shows the Jarvey. “I suppose I’ll start with him. But you’re joking if you think I’m turning him into that crazy lady,” you mutter and walk out, heading towards central park. The creature liked wooded areas, so you figured you’d start there.

When you get to Central Park, you see the ferret’s trails leading into a grove of evergreen’s. “Got you,” you smirk to yourself. “Oh really?” you whip around to see who replied, but no one was there except the Jarvey. “Excuse me?” you ask to no one in particular. “You heard me, god are you deaf?” the Jarvey looks up at you. “You, you, you can talk?” you babble. “Of course I can talk do you do your research?” the Jarvey laughs at you. “Well, I’m sorry, but you’re causing a ruckus for the no-maj’s. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with me,” you approach the creature slowly. “I don’t think so,” the ferret runs into the trees just as you try to leap onto him. He’s too fast and your body hits the ground covered with pine needles, the air whooshing out of your chest. “Ughhh,” you get up and dust yourself off, running in the direction of the trees. “Come here you little rascal,” you shout and search the ground frantically for his tracks. Since your eyes are glued to the ground, you don’t see the figure ahead running straight towards you. He hits you with an almighty, “Oomph,” and you both fall smashing to the ground. “What the hell!” you yell. The man lays on top of you, and looks down at you. It was Newt. “Get off of me Newt,” you push him off. “Apologizes, but do we know each other? I recognized you immediately, as soon as I saw you,” he offers his hand, and picks you up off the ground. “Of course we know each other, or did you really forget? We went to Hogwarts together. Remember? We were both studying to be magizoologists.” “Ah yes of course, (y/n) is it? I haven’t seen you since…” his voice trails off. “Since you were expelled?” you finish his statement awkwardly. “Yes since I was expelled,” he sighs. “Well, what are we doing standing here, we need to find the Jarvey,” you tell him, trudging further into the trees. He follows behind you saying, “We? What we? I don’t believe I asked you for your help (y/n).” You scoff, “Well it sure looks like you could use it, I nearly caught that Jarvey before you barged into me.” He chuckles, “Aren’t you a ray of sunshine.” “Shut up!” “Excuse me?” he asks at your outburst. “I said shut up, I can here the Jarvey crawling around, but not over your loud voice,” you repeat. That shuts him up. Scuffling comes from inside a tree. You walk towards it and pin point the branch where the animal is no doubt hiding. When your sure you dive your hands into the thicket and pull the squealing creature out. “Get off of me filthy witch,” it yells at you. “You got a place for him,” you ask Newt. He nods, pulling out his suitcase. He opens it and quickly shoves the creature inside. “Huh, what a nice home,” you say sarcastically. “It is! I live in there too from time to time. Now it was nice to see you again (y/n) but I’m afraid I must get back to finding my creatures,” he turns to walk away but you stop him. “Not so fast. I’m coming with you,” you state. “Why on earth would you do that?” he asks back in turn. “I’m coming with you because you don’t know New York like I do, I know the terrain, you need my help. Besides, you got me into this mess, now the president is threatening to fire me if I don’t round up these creatures, that’s right, MACUSA knows you’re here. So you’re gonna need someone on the inside to help you out. I need to save my job,” you tell him. He looks stunned and replies with, “Alright. Let’s go.” So you follow Newt out of central park.

“Where are we going,” you ask him after about ten minutes of walking. “Tina Goldstein’s. Perhaps you know her? She used to be an auror for your government. She’s also helping me get my creatures back.” You groan at the mention of her name. “What’s wrong?” Newt asks. “That girl, Tina. We don’t exactly get along,” you tell him.  “Why am I not surprised,” he replies. “She got fired, you have to wonder why,” you tell him. “Well that’s not my business. I’m just lucky that she’s agreed to help me, now I have two people on the inside at my aide,” he says. “Yea, I’m not sure I’d call it that, you have two people, one who was fired, and one about to be fired,” you shoot back. “Well, let’s go save your job then,” Newt says, stopping in front of an apartment building. “We’re here,” he whispers. Next thing you know, Tina is opening the door and rushing the two of you up the stairs before her land lord can see. “God Tina slow down,” you growl at her as she pushes you through the door. “Didn’t know you were bringing this one,” Tina throws at Newt. He just shrugs cluelessly. “In here,” Tina shows you into the only spare bedroom. “Newt and Jacob already took the beds, (y/n) I can grab you a sleeping mat,” she states. “Why would I stay here?” you ask in turn. “Because after you didn’t bring the Jarvey back, Madame president found out, and she’s just waiting on your doorstep to fire you,” she replies. “Very well then,” you sit down in the only chair in the room. A minute later Tina comes back with the sleeping mat, a pillow and blanket. You thank her, begrudgingly, and follow her out to the kitchen for dinner. “(Y/n), this is my sister Queenie,” she introduces you. “Hello,” you go to shake her hand but she pulls you into a hug. “She’s quite the sweet lady ain’t she,” Jacob says from the corner, clearly smitten with her. You laugh. “Alright we got a delicious dinner coming, if I do say so myself, so please go ahead and take a seat,” Queenie says, motioning to the kitchen table. You take a seat, careful not to sit next to Tina. Newt plants himself between the two of you. Queenie approaches the table with a gigantic roast chicken, served with mashed potatoes and green beans. “Wow Queenie, you’re quite the talented cook,” you compliment her. In your mind you’re wondering how someone so sweet could be related to someone so annoying. “(Y/n)!” Queenie scolds your thought, “My sister is too sweet.” Your cheeks flush and look down at your plate, finishing your dinner in silence.

When you finish dinner, Newt immediately gets in his suitcase for the rest of the night, checking on his animals. He said not to follow, but of course you do anyway. Awe overtakes you as soon as you step into his case. There were dozens of separated habitats, each filled with hundreds of different animals. It was beautiful, all of it, but the first thing to catch your eye was the thunderbird sauntering about. “He’s gorgeous,” you whisper into the hot desert air, as you step into his habitat. The bird whips around, looking at you. “Hey, hi,” you hold your hand out, showing that you mean no harm. The bird approaches you cautiously. You bow your head showing your respect. The bird judges you, deciding on whether or not he likes you. He decides he does and places his head in your hands, letting you pet him. “Thanks,” you tell him. You stand petting the bird for a while, until he’s completely leaning onto you. You chuckle, “Alright alright, I can sit down, that way you can sit in my lap.” You move to sit down in the grass and the giant bird lays his entire upper body in your lap. You continue to pet him, and he lets out a soft coo. You’re so content, just to sit there, stroking his soft fur, that you don’t even here him come up. “(Y/n)?” Newt’s voice calls out rather softly. You lightly turn your head and motion for him to come here, as the thunderbird has fallen asleep in your lap. He sits down next to you in the grass. After a beat of silence you ask him, “What is it?” “Oh nothing,” he quickly replies, “It’s just I haven’t seen Frank take a liking to anybody except me.” You lightly laugh, “Frank. That’s a good name for him.” Newt gulps and nods. “What’s the matter?” you ask him, turning to look him in the eyes. He looks down at the ground and sighs, “I’m just worried about them. They’re out there all frightened, amidst the most horrible creatures on this planet.” “Oh and what might that be,” you question his strong judgement. “Humans,” he states, gritting his teeth. “Man, someone must’ve really done a number on you,” you tell him. “Whatever do you mean?” he asks you. “Well, just that. I would’ve said the exact same thing a year ago, but you learn to move past a bad breakup, Newt,” you reply. “How did you know?” he whispers. “Because I know what a broken heart looks like, I’ve had it done to me too, and now I have no where to go because of it, so believe me I get it. But it’ll fade,” you whisper back. “Sure it will. It’s been ten years,” he says quietly. “Give it time,” you state. After a pause he says, “What do you mean you have no where else to go?” “I moved here for my love, and after a month, he left me for someone else.” You let your sentence hang in the air. His breath is taken away by your statement. “(Y/n) I’m,”- you cut his apology off, “I know.” He gulps and looks down. “Well I think that’s enough personal talk for the day, if you’d allow me, I’d very much like to stay here with Frank,” you tell him. “That’d be fine, I don’t think he’d let you up now anyways. Goodnight (y/n),” he stands up. “Goodnight Newt,” you reply softly. He returns to his shack, and you lay back against the hill, snuggling up, the majestic bird acting as a blanket. Your eyes begin to droop, and the last thing you see before you fall asleep is Newt watching you from afar.

The next morning you’re awakened by the sunlight peeking through your eyelids. “Mmmhh morning Frank,” you yawn. You stretch your legs and walk around his habitat. When you turn to leave, he whines. “Don’t worry I’ll be back,” you laugh, patting his nose before you leave, making your way through the suitcase, back into the bedroom. When you emerge you find everyone already bustling about, Queenie making breakfast. “Hiya sweetie, like a shower? We got towels already in there, and some of your clothes were sent here last night,” Queenie greets you. “Okay,” you nod. When you climb into the shower/tub, you turn on the steaming water, letting it run over your tired, sore body. As you wash and condition your hair, you think about what Newt said, about humans. “Perhaps it was true, but not of all humans,” you thought. You climb out of the shower and wrap a towel around you, scurrying into the bedroom to find your clothes. You decide to put on your blue skirt and blazer and are slipping on your black flats when Tina comes into the room. “(Y/n), can we talk for a moment?” she asks you. You nod. “It’s just, well, I know we don’t get along much, but we must! I don’t want you to lose your job and I’d very much like mine back. So can we just agree to set aside our differences for now?” she asks. You sigh, “I would like that Tina, but right now there is one thing standing in my way. See I know you like to do everything by the book, and that’s the problem Tina. Madame president, she wants to do away with all these animals, so are you telling me that in order to get your job back you would be willing to kill them?” “Of course not! But it’s not that simple, we must do some things by the book,”- you cut her off, “We can’t. If we do, we condemn us all, including those animals.” She huffs, “We shall see. In the mean time, I hope you can agree to be civil.” You smirk and say, “We shall see.” She rolls her eyes and walks out of the room.

You stand in front of the mirror, putting on some light makeup and curling your hair with your wand. When the smell of Queenie’s delicious breakfast overtakes you, you declare that you’re finished and walk into the kitchen ready to eat. “My my don’t we look gorgeous,” Queenie says. “Jacob thinks so too,” she adds, reading his mind. He responds by blushing. “So, where are we off to today?” you ask, sitting down to eat. Newt shoves a bite in his mouth and says between chews, “I was thinking that we’d go looking for the swooping evil.” “Okay, where do we start?” you ask him. “Well he likes dark spaces, so maybe we check the subways?” he suggests. “Sounds like a plan,” you reply. So the five of you exit the apartment, and head down to the subways.

After about an hour of searching, Newt slumps against a brick wall outside and slides down. “It’s like he could be anywhere on earth by now. How am I ever supposed to find him?” he asks bewildered. “Hey, we’ll find them, don’t worry,” you offer a hand to pull him back up and keep searching. He takes it and the search continues.

Suddenly there’s a scuffle around the next alleyway and you quickly round the corner to see the murtlap, yet another escaped animal from Newt’s case. “Newt!” you called out for him. “What is it?” he comes into view. He gasps when he sees his murtlap attacking the muggle, Jacob. “Jacob!” you gasp and run over to him. There was a nasty bite mark on the side of his neck. “Newt, we have to get him help,” you stare at him gravely. Newt nods and swoops up the murtlap, shoving it into his suitcase. “Come on Jacob, let’s get you back,” you pick up the slumped over man, grab Newt’s hand, and dissapparate back to the Goldstein’s apartment.

As soon as you get back you lay Jacob down on his bed. “Newt hand me my wand,” you say quietly. He places it in your palm and you wave your wand over the wound, healing it. “You’ll be alright Jacob, just get some rest,” you gently lay him back on the bed to rest. You back out of the room and quietly close the door. When you turn to walk back to the kitchen, Newt stops you and grabs your arm. “(Y/n), wait.” “Yes?” you turn around. “I.. um.. thank you, for acting so quick under pressure. I, I fear Jacob wouldn’t be alive without your help,” he stares at the ground. “Well, um, you are welcome,” you nod.

At dinner Tina attempts to reason with you. “(Y/n), some things must be done by the book, don’t you see what a danger these creatures are?” “Now wait just a minute,” Newt attempts to interrupt. “Tina we just can’t do that. It’s cruel, inhumane. I won’t let you,” you respond. “I agree it’s not ideal, but we don’t have a choice, it’s the only way I’ll get my job back,” she attempts to reason with you. “Well I don’t care enough about my job to do things this way,” you reply. “Perhaps there’s another solution,” Newt chimes in. “We shall certainly see. Now enough bickering it’s supper time,” Queenie comes strolling into the kitchen with a piping hot plate of meatloaf. “Thank you Queenie this all looks delicious,” you smile at her. Dinner is a quiet affair, as there’s not much to talk about. When you finish, you decide to retire to the bedroom. Getting up from the table you glance at Newt and ask, “Would it be alright if I spent some more time with Frank?” He looks up at you surprised, a smile forming on his face. “Of course it’s alright love.” “Thanks,” you nod and exit into the other room.

When you arrive in the other room, you quickly swing open the case and run into Frank’s habitat. “Hey buddy,” you smile and sit down next to him, beginning to pat him. You feel relief and all of your worries begin to fade away as you stare at the beautiful surroundings. Sleep soon overtakes you and Frank lays his wing over you, protecting you and shielding you from view.

Newt’s pov

He finished his dinner and quickly rushed off to his suitcase, anxious to see how Frank was reacting to that peculiar girl. He excused himself and quickly climbed down the ladder. It was late, and she was already asleep, the vision was a dream. Underneath the sparkling stars and midnight blue sky she slept. The meadow was a deep emerald green below her and the stars shined like a halo surrounding her. She laid with her hands resting on her stomach, her peaceful slumber depicted on her face. Of course, she was hidden from view. He rounded the corner and saw Frank’s wing splayed out above her, protecting her. He was stunned, shocking his thoughts into silence. The only thing that came through in his head was how beautiful she was. Her (h/c) hair splayed around her and even though her eyes were closed, he could just imagine those (e/c) eyes sparkling like the sun. Her skin was pale, shining in the moonlight and her supple skin was gorgeous. What was so strikingly beautiful about this peculiar girl was that she was not like any other girl he had ever seen before. She wasn’t a skinny, conventional female, she was a rounded, curvy, compassionate woman. (Y/n) was a marvel to him, the thought itself shocked him, he’d never thought about her this way before.

Regular pov

The sun shone through your eyelids and you slowly peaked your eyes open. Frank’s wing was still above you, but you could hear other birds chirping as the creatures began to wake. “Morning (y/n),” Newt chuckled. You nearly jumped out of your skin, As you sat up, you saw Newt standing over you. “What are you doing here? How long have I been asleep?” you babble. “Not long, I just figured you’d want to get some breakfast. After all Queenie is the best cook around,” he continues to laugh. He offers you a hand and pulls you up. You dust off your skirt and follow him up back into the Goldstein’s apartment. During breakfast, it’s hard to concentrate on your meal, on account of Newt never taking his eye off of you. “Newt is something wrong?” Tina asks him. “What? Oh no, everything’s fine,” he babbles, pulling his eyes away from you. You look down, blushing, avoiding his gaze. “So where do we look next?” Tina asks. “Well, I could actually help with that,” Queenie butts in. “Do go on?” Newt implores her. “Alright well there’s a club, and a goblin I know owns it. Rumor is that he grabbed some of those creatures and we’ll have to get to the speak easy tonight. Around 9, but it’s not the quaintest of places. We’ll have to get all dolled up and such,” Queenie says much too excitedly. “Well I suppose we should prepare,” you add, exiting the kitchen.

4 hours later

You stood in the bedroom, curling your hair with your wand. “I think I’ve found you the perfect thing,” Queenie announces, coming strolling into the room. You gasped, staring up at the beautiful dress she held in front of you. It was a flapper dress, navy with a black and blue overlay of beads, strings of them hanging down at knee length. “Queenie it’s perfect!” you tell her. “I thought as such,” she smirks and hands the dress over to you. You put the dress on and it hugs your curves in just the right way. “Beautiful,” Queenie adds. You smile sheepishly. You turn back to the mirror and continue to curl your hair. It falls in delicate waves, framing your face in just the right way. With just a touch of blush, mascara, and lip rouge you were ready to go. When you exited the bedroom Newt stopped in the middle of his conversation with Tina and stared at you, mouth agape. Queenie giggles behind you and says, “Newt thinks you look good too.” He glares at her for reading his mind, but nods, confirming her statement. “Well, thanks Newt,” you smile to yourself, looking at the ground and brushing your hair behind your ear. “Shall we go?” Tina asks everyone. You nod, grabbing hands and dissapparate.

When you arrive at the club it’s extremely evident that the stakes are high. The tension in the air is palpable and almost everyone stares at the newcomers that had come through the door: you. A song begins and Queenie hisses in your ear, “Go dance, blend in. Jacob and I will do the same. Tina, go look for clues, and the goblin.” You nod and gulp deeply as Newt reaches his hand out and offers it to you. The music begins and it’s a slow, jazzy piece. He places his hand on your waist and intertwines his fingers with yours in your other hand. You take a sharp breath. He smiles into your eyes and says, “You know you do look lovely.” You look down and smile in response. Watching your feet, careful not to stumble, Newt removes his hand from yours and pulls your chin up, saying, “Are you really that afraid to look at me?” “No,” you whisper back. The song continues and you almost immediately stumble. “Sorry,” your face  goes red. He chuckles lightly, “Don’t worry about it.” The song slows and Newt lightly pulls you into him, and you rest your head on his chest. As you sway back and forth, you feel a sense of calm wash over you. It was short lived. Out of the corner of your eye you can quickly see Tina getting into a heated argument with the goblin owner. Newt is lost in the music so you pull back and whisper, “Newt look.” He turns his head and panic flashes across his eyes. “Come on,” he pulls you by the hand to over where Tina is causing trouble. Queenie and Jacob quickly follow. “What’s going on here?” you ask Tina and the goblin. “This ex-government employee is trying to swindle me into telling her where some creatures are. This is my club, and that ain’t gonna happen. At least not without some sort of exchange of sorts,” he snarks at you. “Oh really, and what exactly would you require?” you reply back equally as sarcastic. He looks at Newt and smirks, “That,” he says pointing to Pickett. Newt’s face drops. “Absolutely not,” he shields Pickett from the goblin. “Newt,” Tina and you say at the same time. You walk up to him and hold your hand out for Pickett. “We’ll get him back I promise,” you console him. A tear manages to escape from his eye and he slowly hands him over. You turn around and reluctantly hand him over. “Now, give us the information we need,” you snarl at him. He narrows his eyes and says, “They’ve all hidden themselves away in the city. Rumors are the Occamy has taken nest up in the macy’s on 5th. Your Erumpent has been spotted up in Central Park. That’s all I know.” You’re about to respond when there’s a scuttling and 3 aurors burst through the door, including Percival Graves. “Well, time to go,” Tina grabs Queenie and Jacob’s hands and dissapparates. You turn towards the goblin and yank Pickett out of his hand, smiling the fakest smile ever, and say “Thank you very much.” Pickett in one hand, Newt pulls you into him and you dissapparate back to the Goldstein’s apartment.

You reappear in the kitchen and see Queenie, Tina and Jacob sitting around the table. Newt finally lets go of you and you turn to him smiling. “I believe he belongs to you,” you say pulling Pickett out from behind your back. Relief floods over his face. “Thanks,” he says gratefully. “Well we have a starting point for tomorrow. As for me, I think I’m going to go to sleep,” Tina gets up and walks to her bedroom. Everyone else follows.

It’s the middle of the night and you begin to toss and turn. You hadn’t danced like that with someone since Peter, your former lover. It was like you were right back there.

Flashback

You emerged from the bathroom, dressed in white. The strapless, chiffon gown clung to your curves, yet flowed down your body. “Oh my (y/n) you look gorgeous,” Peter smiles at you as you emerge. “Do you really like it?” you look down, blushing. “It’s beautiful,” he says, taking your hands in his. “Don’t you know it’s bad luck to see a bride before the wedding? We aren’t even getting married, not for 3 months anyway,” you chuckle. “(Y/n), darling, We’ve waited long enough, you moved here for me. I think we’ve faced all the bad luck we’re going to ever face,” he pulls you into his arms, where you feel protected, safe. You wrap your arms around his waist, smushing your face into his chest. Behind your back, Peter waves his wand, and your favorite song plays on the record player. “Dance with me?” he whispers in your ear. You smile up at him, taking his hand in yours and placing your other on his shoulder. As you sway across the floor, you both sigh in contentment. “I never thought that I’d get this life,” you say softly into his chest. Peter looks down at you and says, “Darling why would you think that?” “You know as well as I that I’ve not had the easiest path to where I am today. I’m just glad I found you,” you reply. “Me too,” he smiles. You lean back into him and your two forms dance into one as you make your way barefoot across the wooden floor of your apartment. When the song ends, the two of you continue to dance, dancing till dawn.

The dream remained in your head, that wonderful moment of peace, when you danced with the one you loved. But then the horror of it all comes crashing back, him leaving you for another woman, you desperately trying to get him back, everything came crashing back. You woke up sobbing, and screaming. “No, don’t leave!” you cried half asleep. Queenie comes bursting into the room. “Oh (Y/n) wake up, wake up! It was just a dream,” she shakes you awake. Tears stain your face as you look up to see Queenie, Newt, and Jacob standing over you. When you’ve awakened Queenie gasps, seeing your thoughts. She drops the mug in her hand and it shatters across the floor. The pieces bounce against the hardwood, echoing in your mind as you sit there, dumb struck.“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, pulling you into a hug. You begin to sob into her shoulder, knowing she must have seen your thoughts. “It was horrible, it was like it was happening all over again,” you whisper. “I know I know,” she says stroking your hair. You open your tear stained eyes and look up to see Newt’s emerald green ones staring back at your own. His face is filled with despair, watching you in pain. He raises his eyebrows at you, asking you with his expression what could’ve hurt you. You look at him, sadness filling your features, too scared to reply. “Why don’t you go take a shower,” Queenie pulls you up off the ground. You nod slowly, and emerge into the bathroom. The last thing you see before shutting the door is Newt, who looks as if he desperately wants to follow you, to make sure you are alright.

When you step out of the shower, you find a set of clothes on the toilet seat. You slip on the black cotton dress and the big gray cardigan to go with it. The colors reflected your mood. As soon as you’d barely opened the door, Newt was standing in the doorway, demanding to know what was wrong. “(Y/n) what’s going on? Please tell me,” he begs you. “I can’t,“ you look down, avoiding his gaze. You turn to walk past him, but he grabs your arm. “Please,” he asks again. “It’s too painful, please Newt, let it be,” you say, the sobs escaping you. You turn to try and leave again, but he yanks you back. “I just, I don’t want to see you in pain,” he chokes up. You look up at him and your lip quivers. “I, I’m sorry,” you yank your arm out of his grip and walk into the bedroom. Newt’s face falls, defeated, and he turns to walk back into the kitchen.

The next day

You didn’t sleep at all last night, instead choosing to stay up and walk around Newt’s case. In the morning he came and found you. “(Y/n),” he lets your name hang in the air. You turn around and see him standing there, cautiously approaching you. You sigh, “Newt would you please let it go.” “I can’t. I saw your face, I saw how hurt you were, you’re my…. friend. I don’t want to see you hurt, tell me,” he walks closer. “No. Please go,” your voice grows cold as he pushes you further. “(Y/n) please,” he once again grabs you by the arm. “Stop! Just let me be! I don’t want to talk about it!” you snap at him. He’s taken back by your outburst, and removes his hand from your arm. “Alright, I shall let you be,” he says, backing away. His face stayed with you though, he looked hurt. You yelled at him, but all he wanted to do was help you. And you wouldn’t even let him.

Three days later

Newt had barely spoken five words to you, only when he had to, when it had to do with his creatures and that was it. He was hurt, you could tell, you pushed him away. The guilt was eating away at you. You decided today would be the day you would apologize. He was in his suitcase, almost scarfing down his dinner just to get to it. You finished shortly after and followed him down into his case.

When you got down there, you smiled to yourself, he was sitting on his work bench, nose pressed in a book, while he wrote down his research with his other hand. He had no clue you were even there. His brows were furrowed in concentration and his tongue stuck just slightly out as he wrote his work. “Newt?” you call to him. He raises his head, tearing himself away from his work. “(Y/n), he states. “Can I come in?” you ask tentatively. “It appears you already have,” he says somewhat sarcastically. “Suppose I deserved that,” you say walking over to him. You pull another stool over to where he sits and look him in the eyes for a rare occasion. “Newt, I just, I wanted to apologize. For how I snapped at you. You were just trying to be my… friend, and I pushed you away. I’m sorry Newt. And I know that an apology isn’t enough so I figured I owe you an explanation,” you pause. “Alright,” he nods. “Well, it’s just dancing with you, that night, at the club, it reminded me of my past relationship. His name was Peter, and we were to be wed. You see, that night, it was eerily like another night that I shared with him. And so I dreamt of that night, of a time when I was truly, truly, happy. Before he left me. Where we danced barefoot across the wooden floor. And when I woke, it all just came flooding back to me. How he left me for another woman. How he stood up our wedding, telling me I was not enough for him and that I never would be,” you pause as tears push through your eyes and continue, “And that’s why it was so hard for me. Because when I’m reminded of him, well, it’s hard to forget about that time in my life. How I was never enough, how I was nothing. And that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Newt, you were just trying to help,” you sob. All the while you explain, he stares at you with his shiny green eyes, they grow wider with every word. And when you cry, he does too. Just for a moment. You finish looking down, but he pulls your chin up to look at him. “Thank you (y/n), thank you for trusting me with that. I’m so sorry, truly. But you aren’t nothing, you were never nothing. You are one of the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve known in my life. Even at Hogwarts, you were, you always have been.” You shrug off his words, but he continues, “Darling you’re a goddess. And once you know what that truly means, I pray for anyone who tries to hurt you.” His words leave you dumbstruck. “Do you really mean that?” you ask quietly. He smiles for the first time in a while and says, “Every word. It is the plain and simple truth.” You laugh, but it comes out as half a sob. No one had ever thought so much of you. So you said as much. “No one’s ever said anything so kind about me.” “Well they should,” Newt replies immediately. “Why do you care so much?” you find the words falling out of your mouth, too late to take them back. He smiles to himself and shakes his head. “Honestly, I don’t know. There’s just, there’s something about you (y/n), something wonderful,” he trails off, looking down. This time it’s your turn to pull his chin up to look at you. “Newt,” you say barely louder than a whisper. As if the clouds had parted, it all became clear in Newt’s head, his feelings about you. Before you had time to process any of it, Newt leans forward on his stool and lightly presses his lips to yours. There was electricity, just like your first kiss with Peter, but this was different. You felt safe, you knew you could trust him. You leaned in more and Newt responds by placing his hands on your cheeks. When you pull away, you lean your cheek into his hand, bringing your other hand to linger on your lips, where he had kissed you. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have”- you cut Newt off by pulling him closer, kissing him again. This time it’s your turn to run your hands through his hair, those cinnamon curls. Your hands find each other behind his neck and your legs push against one another as the stools are now so close together. His hands find themselves on your shoulders, relaxing you. He brushes the hair away from your face and his piercing eyes stare into your (e/c) ones. “See I told you. A goddess,” he mumbles. You blush more and take his hands in yours. For a while you sit there in peace, but soon enough you blurt out, “What does this mean?” Newt smiles at your excitement and says, “I don’t know what this means (y/n), but I know that I care deeply about you, and would never ever hurt you.” “Good enough for me,” you smirk at him. The clock strikes seven and you soon realize that it’s Newt’s time to check on all the animals. “Come on,” you hold out your hand for him, and gesture to outside. He takes your hand in his and the two of you stroll in the moonlight of each habitat, checking on his creatures.

When you emerge from the suitcase, Queenie and Tina stand in the doorway, waiting for you two. Queenie immediately smiles, reading both of your thoughts. “You kissed,” she exclaims with excitement. Both of you blush profusely and stare at the ground. “You did?” Tina asks. You look up at her and nod. “Well, I’m happy for you,” she says, reluctantly. “I know it’s hard to be happy for me Tina, given our rivalry, but that means a lot,” you reply. She smiles at you for the first time since forever. Newt interrupts, “Now we can check central park tomorrow for the erumpent. I’m sure he’s still there.” “Sounds like a plan,” Tina nods. It grew late and the 5 of you decided to go to sleep. As you curled up on the ground Newt walks over and says, “Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the floor?” “I’m sure,” you smile, but there was a worry behind your eyes. “What is it?” he asks you. “I just, I haven’t sleep since that dream,” you admit. “Well I’m right here, if you need anything, please wake me,” he urges. “I will,” you squeeze his hand. “Well, goodnight then (y/n),” he says, kissing the top of your hand. “Goodnight,” you say peacefully.

Flashback

It was supposed to be a surprise, the proposal. But you found out about it. It was an accident, but you already suspected. Peter never liked to cook, yet he insisted on cooking you dinner tonight. And now you knew why. He just cleared your plates, so you knew it was coming. “Peter?” you call into the kitchen. He emerges with a candle and a cupcake. “Happy birthday darling,” he smiles at you. “Thank you,” you take it from him, but instead of blowing out the candle you set it on the table. “Darling what’s the matter? Don’t you like cupcakes?” he asks. You gulp and say, “Peter I know. I know you’re going to propose.” He just laughs, “Of course you do.” “I’m sorry, really,” you add. He pulls the box out of his pocket and motions for you to sit down. “I guess it won’t be much of a surprise then,” he says kneeling down in front of you. “(Y/n) I love you, with all of my heart. And I want you, forever, for the rest of our lives. I promise I’ll never leave you, I promise I will love and cherish you forever. You’re everything. So (y/n) will you marry me?” he asks. Tears come to your eyes as you hold out your hand giddy. “Of course I’ll marry you,” you laugh and cry. He slips the ring on your finger, and you stand up, wrapping yourself around him. He kisses your head and looks at you. “It’s you and me, the rest of our lives,” he smiles. “Forever and ever,” you agree.

Your eyes blink open and you feel the tears automatically come. “God why?” you breath into the night. You reluctantly sit up from your mat and look around for Newt. He’s fast asleep in the bed on your right. You feel bad waking him, but you knew that he would get mad if you didn’t. You sit on the edge of his bed and brush his red curls away from his face. “Newt?” you whisper. His eyes slowly blink open, bringing him back from whatever dream he was in. “(Y/n)? Are you alright?” he asks you, sitting up. You shake your head no, knowing if you tried to speak you’d end up sobbing. He understands, and silently opens up his arms. You fall into his chest, the silent sobs wracking your chest. He strokes your head with his hand, and whispers, “Shhh, it’s okay. Everything will be okay I promise.” You nod into his chest. After a few minutes he looks in your eyes and says, “Do you wanna talk about it?” “It was the proposal,” you sob, “He promised not to leave but he did.” “(Y/n) look at me,” he wipes the tears from underneath your eyes. “I may not have known you for long, but I’m not going anywhere that you’re not coming with me,” he states with sincerity. “Okay?” he reassures you. “Okay,” you nod, sniffling. He smiles and says, “See? All better now.” He kisses your forehead and rests his against yours. After a few minutes he breathes, “What would help you to sleep easier?” Your cheeks turn pink as you say, “Sleeping here.” Referring to the bed. “Alright,” he nods, gulping nervously. He adjusts the covers so that you can climb under them. You climb under them and turn so you’re facing Newt. “Thank you,” you whisper. He responds by lightly kissing you. The two of you fall asleep staring into each other’s eyes, without a word.

You wake up to light peeking through your eyelids. You squint open your eyes to find your position changed. You were now facing away from Newt and his arms were wrapped protectively around you, your legs scrunched up into your chest. His chin rested on your shoulder, he was still fast asleep. Before you can even think about moving, Queenie walks in and smirks at the two of you. “My my, what have we here?” she jokes. Newt’s eyes blink open and he quickly sits up, pulling you with him. “Queenie, um, what it is, is”- she cuts him off. “Oh it’s alright darling, I already know,” she smirks. Newt still blushes. “Breakfast time you two,” she says as she walks back to the kitchen. When she’s gone Newt says, “Alright love?” You nod, “I slept soundly.” “I’m glad,” he says getting up, but pausing to plant a kiss on your cheek.

After breakfast the five of you decide to take the search to central park, to find the erumpent. “Are you sure the goblin wasn’t tricking you?” you ask Tina. Before she can respond Newt says, “It makes sense, the environment in central park, it’s perfect for him.” “Okay,” you nod. You all grab hands and dissapparate.

You reappear near the pond in central park. You all stare around, searching for any sign of him. “There!” you point up by the bridge and see the erumpent prancing around. “Come on, we need to use someone as bait,” Newt says as he pushes Jacob foreword. Jacob’s eyes widen in fear. “It’ll be fine,” you tell him. Soon enough you find yourself standing on the bridge, watching with Queenie and Tina. Jacob stands in the middle of the frozen pond, with armor on. “Oy! Over here!” he calls. The erumpent charges towards him, but Newt jumps out right in front of him. He sways his legs back and forth. “What is he doing?” Tina asks incredulously. You chuckle, realizing what he is doing. “He’s doing a mating dance, attracting the erumpent so he can capture him,” you snort, laughing. Newt continues to back towards Jacob, all the while completing the dance. He completes it with shaking his butt at the erumpent. The creature charges and Newt turns around, waving his wand, snapping his fingers, and sucking the creature up into his suitcase.

Newt and Jacob approach the three of you on the bridge and you look down at your feet, breaking into a fit of laughter. “(Y/n)? What is it?” Newt puts a hand on your arm, concerned. You look up at him and snort with laughter. “I’m sorry,” you wheeze between giggles, “It’s just that mating dance. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” Newt immediately goes bright red, which makes you feel bad for laughing. “I’m sorry for laughing, I just couldn’t help it,” you quickly say, wrapping your arms around him. “It’s alright,  I suppose,” he says into your hair, hugging you back. “Thank you,” you say planting a kiss on his cheek.

When you arrive back into the apartment, Queenie starts to make dinner, and you and Newt enter the case, checking on the erumpent. You find him back in his habitat, safe and sound. “Right where he should be,” Newt lets out a breath. “Yes he is,” you reply, taking his hand. “What now?” you ask him. He smirks, pulling you into him and planting a kiss right on your lips. You’re taken by surprise, but after a pause you wrap your arms around his neck and his hands find their way to your waist. You slide your tongue across Newt’s teeth and you can tell it takes him by surprise. After a brief hesitation, his tongue entwines with yours, tasting as sweet as ever. He pauses, pulling away. “(Y/n), I’ve just realized, we haven’t been on a proper date,” he tells you. “I suppose we haven’t,” you smile. “But I think all these walks around the case might count,” you add. “I suppose they do,” he smiles back. “Shall we see if dinner’s ready?” you ask him. He nods. You take his hand and the two of you climb up the ladder and exit the case.

There’s an air of contentment at dinner. After all, there was just one more creature to find. Though you suspected Newt would want to stick around just like you did to take care of Mary Lou Barebone. When you finish taking care of the animals, Newt doesn’t even hesitate when he pulls up the covers for you to crawl in next to him. He automatically wraps his arms protectively around you, and you pull his hand up to your lips, planting a sweet kiss on it. “Goodnight Newt,” you yawn. “Goodnight (y/n),” he whispers in your ear.

The next morning you roll over to feel around for Newt, but he’s not there. “Newt?” you call out for him. He steps in the doorway and smiles at your sleepy form. “Breakfast is ready,” he beams. “Mmmkay,” you say sleepily, flipping the covers off of you. You change into one of your day dresses, it was green cotton. Taking your gray cardigan off of the chair, you walk into the kitchen. Sitting down you say, “So where is the occamy hiding?” “Macy’s, been lots of sightings,” Tina replies. “Well we should get to it,” you say back. “After a solid breakfast,” Queenie chimes in.

After breakfast you dissapparate into macy’s. It’s dim and dank, nearly the entire store being abandoned after the obscurial attacks. Newt sees fallen feathers. “Come on,” he motions, following the trail. It leads you upstairs and you find the occamy nesting in a storage room. “He’s gigantic, how do we get him in the case,” you ask incredulously. “He shrinks down to the size of his pray,” Newt responds, “Now I just need to find a bug.” You all begin to search the ground. Just then, the occamy begins to awake. “Uh oh, Mr. Scamander,” Jacob starts. Newt motions for him to be quiet. Newt approaches the creature and whispers, “Keep looking.” You pull his arm back and say softly, “Newt be careful.” He nods. He attempts to soothe the creature while the other four of you search for any sort of insect. “Found one,” you quietly chime picking up a cockroach. You walk slowly over to Newt, but it’s too late, the Occamy already saw it. “Newt catch!” you shout throwing the bug at him. He holds a teapot in one hand, but catches it with the other, stuffing it in the teapot. At the same moment the Occamy jumps into the air and hurls its humongous body at the teapot. Mid-air the creature zaps and is shrunk as he dives into the teapot after his prey. Newt takes his suitcase and throws the teapot in there, shutting it closed. “Thank god,” Tina whispers into the air. You nod fervently. Tina suddenly grabs Newt by the arm and says, “I’m sorry Mr. Scamander, but the president must know.” Before you know it, she’s dissapparated with Newt and his suitcase back to MACUSA. “Newt, NO!” you shout. Queenie attempts to console you, “It’ll be okay, he’ll be back.” “No. I’m getting him back, now!” you reply, dissapparating.

You reappear in your office, luckily no one is there. You cautiously open the door and wander down the hallway. “Newt?” you whisper, searching frantically for him. “Newt!” you call again. You round the corner and that’s when you see him, in handcuffs, as well as Tina, being pulled away by Percival Graves. “Shit,” you mutter under your breath. Queenie and Jacob appear beside you and Queenie says, “I know where he’s taking them.” “Come on then,” you reply. Queenie nods and cautiously leads you down the hallway.

“I’m sorry Newt,” Tina sobs as they’re pushed into the pristine white room. Newt sighs, “Tina, did you know this would happen? (Y/n) needs me. If I die now, I would surely doom her to never trusting another soul again. We need to get out of this.” Tina replies, “I don’t think we can,” as Percival pushes her down in a white chair. “Sweet dreams,” he says sinisterly and he slams the door shut. One of his aides comes forward and extracts memories from both Tina and Newt, throwing them into the pool of black liquid beneath. Then she too exits. “Newt what’s…” Tina trails off as her own memory entrances her. Newt looks down to his and smiles to see the image reflected back at him. It was (y/n), kissing him the night before. How he ached for the pain he would cause her, when he was gone. He wanted to escape, but the sight of her, her smooth (h/c) hair, glowing skin, sparkling (e/c) eyes, he was bewitched by her figure.

Outside of the door you stood with Queenie. There was an eery air that washed over you, emanating from that room. “Queenie what is this place?” you ask her. “A death chamber,” she breathes back. You gasp, “We have to save them!”

Newt’s pov

The chair sunk lower and lower, but he had no idea. He was enthralled by the vision of her, standing with him. The way she caressed his cheek. The way they danced across the floor, all of it was heaven. The black liquid began to bubble up across the bottom of the chair and soon he would be dead. Suddenly, as if by a miracle, the door swings open, ricocheting off of the wall. The noise made him look up and he saw her standing before him in real life. His senses came back to him and he realized if he didn’t get out now, he would never see this beautiful girl again.

Regular pov

You kicked open the door and there he was, cinnamon curls and all, sinking to his certain death. “Newt!” you shrieked. Before your mind could comprehend what your body was doing, you apparrated right into his lap. Pulling him into your chest, you dissapparated immediately back to the doorway just as the black ooze bubbled up over the chair. Tina, who had come to her senses, was now standing on the top of her chair, crying out for help. You leave Newt in the doorway and dissapparate, grabbing her, and apparating back to where the rest stood. “Okay?” you ask her. She nods. “Thank you,” she mumbles. Once she said this you turn to Newt and throw yourself into his arms. He barely has time to catch you. Before you know what’s happening you find yourself sobbing heavily into his chest. “I thought that I was going to lose you,” you hiccup. “Shhh, shh, you’ll never lose me,” he wraps his arms tightly around you. You continue to sob silently into his chest and he kisses the top of your head. There’s a scuttle down the hallway and Queenie says, “We better get out of here.” You nod and the five of you travel back to the apartment.

Back at the apartment, Newt holds you close to him, never letting go. “How about we go somewhere more private? I need to make sure you’re okay,” Newt says to you. You nod and he takes your hand, leading you down into the case. Newt sits on a stool and you follow suit. He begins, “(Y/n) I’m so sorry. The memory, the sight of you, it put me in a trance, as I’m sure was the point, and I should’ve been stronger. If I left you, I can’t even imagine what effect that would have had on you.” “I’m just glad I was able to get to you in time,” you sniffle. “Yes. Me too. Thank you, for saving me,” Newt chuckles. You half laugh, half cry in response. “(Y/n), I, well, we haven’t been together for long, but I feel like you’ve been what’s missing,” he admits. You look up at him and smile for the first time in hours. “Me too,” you reply. He presses his forehead to yours and says, “Don’t ever change.” You smirk back under his gaze. “Only for you,” you whisper. You both get off of your stools and wander back upstairs for dinner.

After dinner you all converse around the kitchen table, planning on how to help Credence. “It’s his adoptive mother. She’s ruining him, tormenting him. We have to get him free,” Tina pleads. “We will,” you reassure her. “How?” she asks. “We need to get him away from her. That’s what is causing his transformations,” Newt replies. “I don’t know how we would. She’s got him locked up under her thumb. That’s how I got demoted in the first place, trying to help him,” Tina admits. “We’ll save him,” Newt reassures her. “I think we should plan this one out a little more. Obscurials can be dangerous and we don’t want him to get hurt,” you add. Everyone nods. “So tomorrow we go after him?” Newt asks. “Yes. Agreed,” Tina responds.

The next day was senator Shaw’s campaign. But there was an incident. An obscurial swept through the building, killing Henry Shaw Senior. Newt and his creatures, they had a reputation at this point. And that’s how Madame President knew to come after you. “This obscurial, is causing too much damage to the city. It must be destroyed,” she yells at you. “He’s just a boy,” Tina argues. “Silence Goldstein,” the president shrugs her off. “Madame President please,” you beg her. She sighs, “You have one hour to try to take care of him in your own way. After that, I send in Graves.” You nod and she dissapparates.

“Hurry,” you shout over your shoulder, descending into the subway station. “He must be down here,” you say aloud. When you all emerge into the tunnel, you see him standing there, Credence. “Credence,” you hold out your hands to show you mean no harm. “Stay back,” he cries. “We don’t want to hurt you, we want to help you,” Newt says walking up beside you. “Please Credence, let us help,” Tina adds. He cautiously approaches. You can see the end of this destruction in sight, but that’s when Graves appears. “Credence no!” the auror shouts, standing between you and Credence. “Credence it’s okay, you can do this,” you cry. Graves turns to you with a satanic smirk on his face. “Ah (y/n), I figured you’d be here. And it’s a good thing you are. See I got awful tired of Mr. Scamander here always winning. Everyone said he had no weaknesses. But I think I found one,” he narrows his eyes towards you. “What do you want with her? She did nothing to you,” Newt steps forward and places a protective hand in front of you. “On the contrary. She rescued you. And you, Mr. Scamander, you’re ruining my plans. See I have big plans for the wizarding world,” he moves closer. “But you’re already an auror, what more could you want?” Tina steps forward, questioning him. “Ah you see that’s where you are wrong Ms. Goldstein,” he laughs. Newt’s eyes pop and he realizes who Graves actually is. “Revelio,” Newt says as soft as a whisper. Graves stands there and lets the spell wash over him. When his disguise is gone, he’s revealed in all of his horrible glory; Gellert Grindevald. “No,” Tina whispers in horror. “Yes it’s true. And I think I got here just in time. Wouldn’t want the president ruining my plans. See Newt, you are gonna give up these creatures to me and you’re gonna give up your fight,” he dissapparates. He reappears directly behind you and whispers, “Or (y/n) dies.” Grindevald yanks your arm, pulls you into him, and the two of you dissapparate. “NO!” Newt reaches for you, but it’s too late. You were already gone.

You reappear in a dark, dank room. “Where are we?” you ask aloud. It’s pitch black, so you’re not sure where his voice comes from when he says, “Somewhere no one will find you.” “What do you want from me?” you attempt to say in your bravest voice. “It’s not what I want from you. It’s what I need from Newt,” he chuckles. “What?” you ask. “Newt has interfered with my recruiting for far too long now. And besides that, I’ve seen the damage his creatures can do. I need that for my dark forces,” he tells you. Fear slips down your body like a cold gush of water. “He’ll stop you, you know. He’ll never give up his creatures for me. They mean too much to him,” you say, trying to convince yourself it’s the truth. “You’re wrong (y/n). Newt would do anything for love,” he laughs at you. The L- word makes you shake with worry. Did Newt really love you? You’d known each other for all of a week. But that didn’t matter to you, you felt like you’d known him a whole lifetime. “You can keep me here. He won’t come. He knows better than that,” you state. “Oh does he?” Grindevald makes you doubt yourself. “Just to be sure, however, I may need to make you look worse for the wear,” he sneers. You hear footsteps and back further into your corner. The steps grow closer and the fear inside you heightens. Suddenly an arm is yanking you towards him. You can hear the cling of metal and before you process what is happening, he cuts into your flesh, causing blood to spurt out of your arm. “That ought to cause enough damage,” his hot breath speaks in your ear. You realize he must have hit a vein, because the blood feels like it is gushing out of you. Soon enough, you grow dizzy, and slump to the ground, against a wall. “What did you do?” your voice comes out fuzzy. “Oh that, I may have struck a vein or two. Don’t worry, you won’t die. Not yet. I need you looking at death’s door to get that boyfriend of yours to come rescue you,” he replies. “He’s not… we’re not…” you don’t even finish your sentence before you black out.

Meanwhile back at the subway station..

“We have to get her back! Where would he have taken her?” Newt paces angrily. Queenie attempts to calm him, but he shoves her off. “Newt, don’t you realize why he did this? He wants to make you trade your creatures for (y/n),” Tina tells him. “Then that’s what I’ll do,” Newt says without a second thought. “What? After we went through all that trouble to get them back? Are you crazy?” Tina asks him as if he is joking. He turns to her, “No. I’m thinking about (y/n), which makes one of us. None of you three seem to even care that he’s probably taunting and torturing her right now. I don’t care. She’s more important.” Suddenly Queenie gasps. “What?” Newt turns to her. “You love her,” Queenie states with awe, even the thought surprised her. Newt ponders the thought for a split second before saying, “If you read my mind then yes, you know it’s true. I love her. And I’m not about to let her die.”

Your eyes flicker open, the florescent light burning through them. You try to sit up, but gasp when you feel a stabbing pain in your arm. You found your arm wrapped up with a bandage, but it was already red with fresh blood. Grindevald walks into view. “Glad to see you awake. I have a job for you. It’s been nearly three hours. We need to send Mr. Scamander a message. So here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to send him a message with my patronus. And you’re going to tell him the deal, give me his animals, or I’ll kill you. On your feet,” he yanks you up by your hair. You screech in pain. He throws you against the wall and hisses, “Do it!” He waves his wand and you begin. “Newt,” you cry. “Newt I’m being held captive by Grindevald. He says you have to bring him your case and hand it over or, or,” you pause, refusing to give that ultimatum to your sweet heart. “Crucio!” he shouts, pushing you over the edge. “Agggh!” you writhe in pain. “Newt bring him your case or he’ll kill me,” you grit between the pain. Grindevald strolls into view and says, “Mr. Scamander. You have one hour.”

Back at the subway station

They stand in a circle plotting on how to rescue you. That’s when Madame President walks in. “Mr. Scamander, I trust you took care of Credence?” Newt looks up, “Actually no. We have a much, much, bigger problem at hand.” Seraphina rolls her eyes and says, “Oh really and what could that be? Another excuse?” “No! Graves isn’t who he says he is. He’s Gellert Gridevald. And he kidnapped (y/n), he’s torturing her!” Tina shouts. Seraphina’s eyes nearly jump out of her head. “Oh dear,” her voice trails off. Suddenly the white wisp of a patronus comes floating down to right above their heads. It flashes into a video, a video of you. Your image comes into view and your voice comes across in the end. “Bring your case or he’ll kill me,” the reflection of you states. “You have one hour,” comes Grindevald’s voice. The patronus fades out and Newt nearly snaps his wand in half out of anger. “We have to get her back, now! If you won’t help me, I’ll do it myself,” he yells dissapparating. He thought of you, and as a result, he appears to where you are.

You sit chained against some unknown brick wall. The bandage on your arm reeked of infection. In the perhaps hour or two since you sent the message, he had been non stop torturing you, repeatedly using the crucio curse. Your body was slumped over, defeated, as you fade in and out of consciousness. Tears escape your eyes, dripping onto the concrete. He blasts you with another curse and you thrash in agony. Your body falls to the ground from your seated position, your head smacking the concrete. You can feel your skull open and fresh blood pour out. “This is it. I never even got to tell him I love him,” you sob. Suddenly, as if you had wished it, his form appears in front of you.

Newt’s pov

As he dissapparated, he kept his thoughts on her. Guilt ate away at his insides, he should of protected her more. This was all his fault. And now, because of it, she might die. His body twisted and turned through the air, apparrating, while he tried to think of her when she was happy, when they first shared a moment, that night at the speak easy, when they danced. He loved that memory, but he hated the fact that it later caused her pain that night. His body came screeching to a halt. He opened his eyes and there she was. The sight broke his heart, tore it to smithereens. She laid on the hard, cold, concrete floor. Her (h/c) hair was splayed out around her, but a pool of blood was leaking out around her beneath it. Her legs were twisted up against her, as if she was trying to block out some of the pain. A small drip of blood leaked out of her lip. The sight made him want to cry, cursing himself yet again for letting this happen to her. As soon as he arrived he could smell the stench from her arm and knew it must be infected, shortening the time she had left right now. Her tiny, frail voice called out to him, “Newt?”

Regular pov

He appeared like a miracle and you felt a tiny bit of hope spring up inside you. Your small voice croaked out, “Newt?” Needing to be sure, you were worried you were hallucinating. He immediately came to your side, pulling you into his lap. “You came for me,” you smiled, reaching up and caressing his chin with the back of your hand. Tears fell from his eyes onto your cheeks. “Of course I did,” he whimpered. “(Y/n), I’m so so sorry, this is all my fault,” he continued. “Hey,” you press your finger to his lips, “Don’t say that. I’ll be,“ you pause in pain, “I’ll be okay. And if I’m not, I’ll just be glad that we got the time we did together.” “Don’t say that. You’ll be okay,” he says, now openly weeping. “No, she won’t,” Grindevald comes strolling into view. You pull Newt’s face down near yours and say, “You can’t let him have the case. Whatever will happen to me will happen, but your creatures, you can’t let him use them for evil.” Newt looks at you sadly. “But I can’t live without you,” he admits. You cry at the unspoken love this man has for you. “And I you, but we have to think about the greater good,” you sob. Suddenly, rushing to your aide, Tina, Queenie, and Jacob come bursting into the room. Queenie visibly winces when she sees the pain you’re in. Feeling your pain and how severe it is she shouts, “Newt, you need to get her help now, or she will surely die.” Newt nods fervently. He pulls you into him, preparing to dissapparate, but you push against his chest, “No. We need to stay and help.” “(Y/n), you are so good, so pure, but if we stay, you will die. I cannot live with myself if you’re dead,” he whimpers. You burrow into his chest and prepare to dissapparate in your condition. The feeling never comes. Instead you feel yourself being ripped away from your love. “No!” you cry in pain. Grindevald took you, stood you up, and held a knife to your throat. “Ganging up on me? Now that’s just plain not fair. Shame,” he jokes with your life in his hands. The knife drags across your throat, grazing your skin, producing dribbles of blood. “Don’t hurt her,” Newt stands up, grabbing his case. “You can take them. You can take everything I have but for the love of god, don’t hurt her,” he continues. “Hand over the case Mr. Scamander,” Grindevald motions for it. Newt slides it over. As soon as he does Grindevald throws you across the room and you fall into Newt’s arms, barely able to stand on your own. “I think I can say with confidence, that it is too late for her,” he chuckles. Newt stares at him with loathing in his eyes. “I will find you,” Newt growls at him. “And I will destroy you.” Suddenly, as if from the heavens, the president appears. “I think we can arrange that Newt,” she states. She casts a simple stunning charm, but it hits Grindevald as he is taken by surprise. They handcuff him and yank the case out of his hands. “Tina take it,” Newt says, gesturing to the case. “I need to get her help,” Newt says. At this point you had passed out in his arms, and your blood was covering his chest. Tina catches the case and Newt brushes your hair out of your face, whispering to your unconscious form, “You’ll be okay. Please be okay.” He pulls you into him and dissapparates you into the hospital.

You fade in and out of consciousness, but can make out that you’re on a gurney, being rushed into the emergency department at the wizarding hospital. Your eyes blink open and you look up to see Newt running beside you. You grab his hand and he looks down at you in surprise. Intertwining your fingers, you tell him, “I love you.” You don’t have a chance to hear his response, as you begin to fade back out of consciousness. The last thing you hear before the world goes black is, “She’s lost too much blood, it’ll be a miracle if we can save her.”

3 days later

You wake up to find yourself in a hospital bed. Trying to shoot up, you immediately cry out in pain, and lay back down. When you look to your right, you can see multiple bags of blood tied up to your IV, being transferred into your body. Your eyes glance to the left and you see Newt asleep in a chair next to your bed. His hand rests on the edge of the bed, as if it was just holding yours. You grab his hand and squeeze it. His eyes slowly open, unsure if he dreamed your reaction. When he sees that you are indeed awake he whispers, “(Y/n)?” You nod, smiling, a tear coming to your eye. Newt immediately sobs, “They said you might never wake up. But you did, you did and you’re here.” He plants kisses all over your hands. Newt looks into your eyes and you open your mouth to speak, but find your throat on fire. You point to a glass of water and Newt brings it to you. After downing the whole thing you take a breath and say, “I’m okay.” He laughs at your simple statement and says, “You are. You’re gonna be just fine.” “Thanks to you,” you add. Newt argues, “Because of me, you almost died.” You shake your head no. “Because of you, I am alive, but not just alive, I am thriving,” you state, staring into his forest green eyes. He gulps, struggling to accept your response. His eyes light up as he remembers the last thing you said to him. “(Y/n),” he gasps, “(Y/n) I love you too.” You smirk. “I thought as much,” you joke. Newt laughs at how you’re already back to joking with him. “When do I get to go home?” you ask. Newt chuckles, “Not so fast. You’re gonna be in here, for a few weeks. But that’s okay, I’m gonna stay here with you. I’ll update you on everything that happened since your surgery.” “Surgery?” you ask. Newt nods, “Your skull was so broken up, they had to reform it.” “Oh,” you breath, feeling the back of your head with your hand. All the hair was shaven off the back, just for the surgery. “I’m bald,” you half laugh, half cry. “I can fix that,” Newt laughs. With a wave of his wand, your familiar (h/c) locks return. “They said it’ll take three weeks of recovery,” he tells you. “Okay. That’s easy compared to what I just went through,” you reply. “I’m sure it is,” Newt says. “Can I get you anything?” he asks you. “Just you,” you say sincerely, opening the covers for him to crawl in next to you. He gets up, and that’s when you see it, the bandage on his arm. “Newt what happened?” you gasp. He looks at you and realizes you don’t know. “How do you think you got the blood you needed?” Newt states. The answer hits you and you immediately cry, yet again. “You gave that much blood for me?” you cry softly. “Of course I did. For you, I would do anything,” Newt states as if it is the simplest fact in the world. You lean over just enough to kiss him on the lips, placing each hand on his cheeks. He kisses you back, now sitting on your hospital bed, propping himself up on his elbows. “I love you Newt Scamander,” you cry. “I love you too (y/n) (l/n),” he presses his forehead to yours and kisses you yet again. The kiss has both of your tears intermingled in it and it tastes salty sweet. “Now, let’s get some sleep,” he says, removing his lips from yours. You nod and lay down. He lays down beside you and wraps both arms protectively around you. You place your hands on top of his and your legs intertwine in a pile of blankets. For the first time in nearly a week, the two of you fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

You wake up and turn over to look at Newt. He’s sleeping soundly and you peck his face all over with kisses, waking him up. “(Y/n) stop,” he laughs as you attack him with more kisses. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe we can finally be together, in peace,” you say between kisses. “Me too, darling, me too. But they said recovery won’t be easy,” he tells you. “Doesn’t matter. I can do anything with you,” you state simply. “I hope so,” he smiles. A nurse walks in and says, “Alright (y/n) now’s the time where we’re gonna test various skills of yours. Because the injury to your head effected your brain, we want to make sure it’s functioning properly. It’s going to be like any other test you would normally take in school. If you’ll just come with me.” You get up and Newt follows. “I’m sorry Mr. Scamander, you cannot come with,” the nurse holds her arm up. He frowns and says, “Alright I’ll see you later then lovely. You can do this,” he says, planting a sweet kiss to your forehead.

The recovery was the hardest. They gave you tests of all sorts, from math, to science, to history, nearly everything. “I can’t do this anymore,” you throw your pencil down. “Alright. You may go,” the nurse pulls the test from your desk. Your head is pounding, you definitely exceeded your capacity for concentrating. You walk down the hallway and anxiously rush into your hospital room. “Newt sits with his work spread all over the table. You pause outside the door, smiling at his concentration. You lightly knock, “Hey.” He nearly jumps up and says, “(Y/n) darling are you feeling any better?” You sigh and walk over sitting on the arm of his chair. “It was terrible, it’s so hard to concentrate,” you sigh. He puts his arm around you and brushes the back of your head. “I know, I had a feeling it would be. You don’t need to concentrate though. I had an idea,” he looks at you excitedly. “What is it?” you ask. “Well…. I was thinking since I still need to finish my book, that maybe you could do the illustrations? I remember you saying you like to draw and that way you can contribute,” he says hurriedly. Your face lights up at his suggestion. “Newt that is a fantastic idea! You’re the best,” you say as you plant a sloppy kiss on his lips. He chuckles, “I’m glad you like it.” He continues to kiss you, making you weak. “As much as I’d love to keep kissing you, I think I need to get some sleep,” you tell him. He nods and pulls you into the hospital bed with him. Your head rests on his chest with his arm underneath you. You curl into his side and hold his other hand. “Sweet dreams princess,” he mutters in your ear. You snuggle into him more and fall asleep.

The three weeks of recovery are rough, as you adjust to your new, lower brain capacity. But Newt was right, with your concentration levels dwindling, your drawing flourished, actually becoming something to be proud of. Over the time you where in the hospital, you had already begun illustrations for the book. On the last day, Tina, Queenie, and Jacob came to visit you. “(Y/n)!” Queenie shouts rushing over to give you a hug. You laugh and hug her back, dropping the suitcase in your hands. “Thanks for coming you guys,” you tell them. “It’s our pleasure, we’re just glad you’re alright,” Tina says genuinely. “And I have some good news. Madame President has offered you the position of auror, should you choose to accept it we would work together,” she adds. You smile sadly. “Tina that’s wonderful, I’m so happy for you, but I can’t be a part from Newt, not now that I’m alive and well. I’m going to travel with him, and do the illustrations for the book. But I’m really proud of you,” you tell her. She smiles, “Thank you. I think that’s wonderful, I’m so glad you two found each other.” You blush and Newt’s hand finds yours. “So what will you do? Since you get to leave?” Jacob asks. You shrug, “I guess we’ll go back to my apartment for a little while, but I don’t care where we are, as long as I’m with him.” “Well, keep in touch, okay?” Queenie says. “Will do,” you smile and hug her. When you’re done saying goodbye to everyone, you grab Newt’s hand and bring him back to your apartment.

You arrive in your living room. You hadn’t been back here in over a month, but it was just the same way you left it. “So this is my place,” you say sheepishly. Newt grins. It reflected who you were so much. There were plants covering almost the entire space and the walls were white, with a bright yellow couch in the center of the room. “I love it,” he beams. “Really?” you ask. “Really,” he turns to you, taking your hands in his and staring into your eyes. “So what now?” you ask. “Now, now we get to be together,” he replies simply. You turn to him and drop the suitcase in your hands, grabbing the collar of his jacket and smashing your lips to his. His eyes open wide in surprise, but they quickly close. He brings his hands up to your cheeks and caresses them with his gentle touch. Still grabbing his collar, you let your tongue dance across the inside of his mouth. His hands wind themselves into your hair and he tugs at it, causing you to open your mouth more, allowing him to slip his tongue in. His hands find your lower back and he pulls you closer to him. This time it’s your turn for your fingers to get tangled in his cinnamon red hair. His hands pressed against your back, send shock waves through your body. You were very aware that this time, for the first time, the kiss wasn’t sweet, it was passionate and full of heat. Newt pulls away for the first time and breathes in your ear, “I’m so happy I found you (y/n).” After that he finds the sweet spot behind your ear and kisses the skin there. Your hands tighten in his hair, letting him know that what he’s doing feels good. You can feel his lips form into a smile as he licks down your neck. “N-n-newt,” you stutter under his touch, getting awfully squirmy. He removes his tongue from your skin and smiles, planting a sweet kiss on your nose. “Come now, we should get some rest,” he pulls you towards what he assumes is the bedroom. “Alright, but if we go in there, I don’t think it’s rest we’ll be getting,” you walk in front of him, swaying your hips in just the right way. He runs in after you like a giddy school boy and says, “Oh really?” You turn and press him against the door, “Really,” you whisper right against his face. He smiles and scoops you up, laying you down on the bed. He shakes off his coat and comes over to you. “Are you sure, (y/n),” he asks. You smile, “I’m sure. I love you Newt.” That’s all the answer he needs. He surprisingly presses your arms above your head and kisses you all over your body, sending you reeling. “God, Newt!” you shriek, tugging on his hair, pulling him into you more. The rest is a blur of sweaty, hot, bodies, melting into one as Newt shows you just how much he loves you.

The next morning you wake up in a tangled pile of skin. The sun shines brightly through your window. “Morning Newt,” you plant a kiss to his bare chest. “Morning lovely,” he smiles at you, running his fingers through your hair. “Shall I make us some breakfast?” you ask him, starting to get up. “Not yet, don’t leave,” his arm snakes around your waist and he pulls you back into him. “Newt!” you laugh out loud at his actions. “I just can’t get enough of you,” he says kissing your shoulders. You turn to face him and say, “I cannot believe how lucky I am.” “I’m the one who’s lucky,” he returns. You blush. You nuzzle your face into his bare chest and he holds you against him for a while. “What next,” you say after the silence. “I don’t know. I want to take Frank to Arizona. That’s the reason I came here in the first place,” he replies. “Well I think we can make that happen,” you tell him.

Hours later, you’re dressed and ready to go. “Shall we?” you offer your arm to Newt. He takes it, and you dissapparate.

Appearing in the center of a desert, you stare around in awe. “Where are we?” “The grand canyon,” Newt breaths it in. You grip his hand tightly. “Will he like it here?” you whisper. “I know he will,” Newt assures you. He briefly lets go of your hand so he can bend down and open the case. Reaching down, he motions for Frank to emerge. He does, slowly, but surely. The majestic bird looks around. Smiling beneath his beak, he prances around the rocky terrain. He pauses, and comes back to you. “Hi Frank,” you smile and pet his beak. The bird coos into your shoulder. A tear manages to slip from your eyes. “Good luck buddy,” you tell him. Frank pecks you on the cheek and walks over to Newt. Newt’s a mess at this point, having to say goodbye to one of his favorite creatures. “You be good now Frank,” he murmurs, hugging the creature with all his might. Frank soars off over the two of you, and creates a light rain in tribute to your parting. “He’ll be so happy. I know it Newt,” you come over to your love and put your arms around him. “I know, I know,” Newt mumbles, placing his head into your neck. You pull his cheeks into your hands, “I love you Newt Scamander.” “I love you too (y/n),” he presses a kiss on your nose. You stand, watching Frank fly off. After a while, you say, “What shall we do next my love?” “Anything you want,” he replies. You smile, leaning into him, and you dissapparate.

The End.

[cathode-ray-rube]

big fuck of pathfinder occurences beneath the break

Shortly after arriving back in the Capitol Isle today in Our pathfinder session, we discovered that The Duke that has been dispensing our orders was busy and couldn't see us. To make up for this he paid to put us up in a really nice hotel/casino. Upon hearing this, our Dragonrider, Aurel immediately fell to scheming on getting laid. The friend that plays him turned to dramatically to a page in his notebook, and scrawled "Spank Bank" across the top with a boisterous series of strokes, declaring that he is now keeping track of all the NPC's he beds. We get the keys to our four separate hotel rooms and our DM controlled Gnome Witch, Hazel, runs off to her room. Aurel declares he wants a tour of the shopping district / hotel and the lady at the desk fetches him a guide. The guide is a very attractive and petite elven women that is suspiciously to Aurel's personal taste, and the obnoxious flirting begins immediately, as she coyly shrinks into her luxurious gown and bats purple eyes from beneath her rolling azure locks.

The DM and i groan audibly and i declare that my Warpriest, Szary, and Anne, our DM controlled Cleric, are going to spare themselves having to witness his lechery again and go back to the boat to change into the fancy dresses I previously stole from a vampire in a magical vault outside of time or something, and then hit the town on our own. Aurel is lead into town by this guide, Pyyrha.

While in town, they talk and flirt openly, he buys really fancy clothes, and takes her out for dinner, displaying both his knowledge for the wines of his subjugated (to his great anger) homeland and his..charm. He spends a ton of money wining and dining her, and they cozy up on a park bench under the stars together as he tries to subtly push the evening toward a mutual bed. "When do you get off work?" he says; "Whenever we get back to your room.." she says.

At this point my friend throws his hands up in the air and shouts "Well fuck if i knew it was gonna be this easy i wouldn't have spent all this damn gold!" She's an escort- this gives him zero pause as he likes cutting to the chase. They head back to the room as my friend writes her name at the top of his 'Spank Bank'.

While this is all occuring, Anne and Szary have arrived back at the hotel arm in arm, dressed in their best and find the hotel restraunt, the evening slowly becoming a date and compounding on some vague romantic subtext that cropped up over the course of the adventure. No one knows where Hazel is.

Back Aurel's room, they're sipping the finest wine, lying tangled in his bed, preparing for..yeah. Pyyhra rolls to the side briefly as she murmurs something to him..and a sudden stabbing pain sobers him up immediately as it pushes into his side, just next to the spine. She's slipped a dagger coated in paralytics into his back. Immediately, the friend that plays Aurel loudly exclaims "god FUCKING dammit" as he grabs his pencil and draws a heavy black line across Pyrrha's name at the top of his 'Spank Bank', to which I remark, well, technically there was still penetration.

Pyyrha rolls back into Aurels line of sight as her magical disguise dissipates in a cloud of familiar golden light motes; a familiar voice rings out from within the cloud, "And now we're even for the knife you drove into my back..", the sentence punctuated with a sinister smile on the now visible face of an old friend... Paradox. The changeling magician that Aurel sold out to the government so long ago on nothing more than a whim. "You ended my life. I had to mourn the identity I created for myself the moment they came for us on that boat..in the months since I've turned my magics to a different end, and assumed this more..palatable..Visage just to get close enough to drive this knife into you. All i want now Is to hear you scream."

Downstairs, Ann and Szary have had their fill of gambling, food and drink, and have come to sit in somewhat uncomfortable silence on the edge of a fountain, dimly lit by some magical neon light. Ann reaches to pluck the glass rose from behind her ear, but her hand briefly brushes Szarys on the way up, Szarys single eye, like a hateful pale moon occluded by clouds, meets Anns firey orange eyes and they both draw back, flustered, before Ann lets herself fall onto Szarys shoulder, resting her head there as they both enjoy the moment; catching sight of Hazel in the distance absolutely hustling a bunch of suckers at the card tables, all three of them utterly lost in their night, unaware of the peril facing Aurel.

Upstairs, Aurel has taken to playing the fool; "What? Sell you out?? Me? No!"...the charade falls on deaf elven ears that near twitch with joy at hearing him beg, proving himself the weasel Paradox knew him to be. He twists the knife and cuts Aurel off. "I want you to scream for me." Aurel again refuses and, sensing he can't sway him with lies, instead takes to threatening him. "My dragon will kill you for this! (Fact) Szary won't stand for seeing her best friend (not a mutually held feeling) cut down! She may have almost killed me for what I did to you but she won't let me die without retribution! Helianthus (Ann) will burn you alive for killing her future husband! (a notion that is again not mutual) Hazel-" he is again cut off by a vicious, and near seductive uttering from the Changeling that now rests his head on his hand, elbow pressed to his victims sternum. "I don't care. You already killed me with your words once." He draws a second knife and traces Aurels jugular. "The real me is gone. I'm anybody and everybody, now." he raises the knife for a final killing stroke. "How regrettable that you can only be your rotten self even unto your last miserable breath." At this moment, a bolt of lighting splinters the door and blasts the dagger from Paradox's hand.

Anne and Szary surmount the final step of nigh infinite stairs, rounding the corner hand in hand and seeking eachother as a crutch against the dual forces of intoxication and gravity. Their eyes both stray from eachothers, drawn to a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, and the figure within it- A masked woman stands akimbo, arm outstretched, tendrils of wicked electricity jumping from her open palm. She glances to the drunken pair, and then to the would be assassin and the man trapped beneath him, tensing up in frustration at words left unsaid, then sprints into the room, knocking Paradox aside as she blasts the window out with another bolt and leaps through the now open frame.

Szary and Ann, quickly sobering up, rush into the room after her, only to see Paradox clamoring to his feet- Though hardened by his lust for revenge, and hardly recognizable as the plucky and hopeful young magician they met little over a year ago- Szary immediately knows exactly what's going on and sobers up instantly; To leap onto Aurel and strangle him, suddenly reminded of the cruelty with which he sold out their friend. Ann, confused, reaches out to Paradox and shouts his name, but her words only echo in the empty space left by him vanishing to again become somebody else.

We actually left off after the masked women blew the door off and I took some liberties with the dialogue, but hey. I like to Imagine that in the commotion that will follow while chasing the masked woman down, Hazel will be embroiled in the chaos and not get to cash in her winnings.

.

[azrielsiphons]

LORD OF SHADOWS REACTION POST

I didn’t want to make an entire reading thread like I did with Lady Midnight (which was kind of popular for my typical stuff, I still don’t know why, it was just a lot of flailing) because LoS is still so fresh and I’m afraid to spoil anyone who might not have the tags blacklisted. So under the cut, IN ORDER AS I READ, is my genuine LoS reactions. Enjoy my flailing.

Kit you precious little bean don’t steal daggers you should know better

JACE IS HERE SHIT SHIT SHIT 

He just had to go and name drop Will in like the first five pages I am C R Y I N G 

Oh Julian is being ‘scrupulously polite and kind’ over you and Mark’s “relationship”? IS HE EMMA? IS HE REALLY?

Ew Mark kissing Emma’s cheek made me want to throw up blood too, Julian 

“Did he just kill Magnus?” I HOPE AND PRAY I NEVER SEE ANY VARIATION OF THAT SENTENCE EVER AGAIN  

Take a shot every time I think to myself “ugh, Perfect Diego”

FUCKING HELL PERFECT DIEGO AND CRISTINA ARE BACK TOGETHER DAMMIT CRISTINA

Awwwww Ty my precious son you’re so concerned for Kit

I love Mark so much my sweet faerie child 

UGH EMMA AND MARK KISSING GROSS MAKE IT STOP 

CLARY TURNED DOWN JACE’S PROPOSAL HAHAHAHA WHY AM I LAUGHING 

Cassandra Clare let me make something clear if you ever kill my daughter Clary Fray I will SET THIS WORLD ON FIRE 

so clary is having dreams of her and emma and cortana and she knows she’s gonna die uMMMMMMMM????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? IF MY GIRL EMMA HAS TO KILL CLARY FOR WHATEVER REASON YALL CAN CATCH ME 6 FEET UNDER THE GROUND 

THAT’S RIGHT KIT YOU DEFEND TY BLACKTHORN 

Mark and Cristina Mark and Cristina Mark and Cristina MARK AND CRISTINA 

God bless America I forgot how much I adore Jace Herondale but then at the same time he makes me miss Will and when I miss Will I want to DIEEEEEEE

take a shot everytime someone says something to the effect of “we can’t involve the Clave”

lol jace “i’m just going to haul clary off to *wink wink* get chinese food *wink wink* be back in 20 *wink wink*” 

oh wait they actually just got chinese food wtf i need me a man like that 

MAGNUS AND ALEC ADOPTED A SECOND CHILD NAMED RAFAEL DONT MIND ME ILL JUST BE SOBBING INTO MY BEER FOR THE NEXT HOUR 

More of Ty and Livvy’s relationship pls i love sibling bonds 

WTF ZARA???? PERFECT DIEGO IS CANCELLED YET. AGAIN. 

“Smug bastard. Hair’s too good. I don’t trust people with hair that good.” KIT MY SON IM ADOPTING YOU IMMEDIATELY 

Julian slamming the door in Emma’s face made me slam MY face into a door

“She refused to hurry her steps — not for anyone.” Note to self: be more like Cristina 

okay real quick these centurions talking shit about my father magnus bane are about to find my six inch stilettos up their tight assholes bYE 

okay these nazi centurions are CANCELLED 

oh my gosh my smol son ty smiling at kit kill me NOW 

DONT WORRY JULIAN IM RUINED TOO LAFJLKAFJ;L; THAT KISS SCENE MY GODDDDDDD

wow who would have thought i would like gwyn damn (also gwyn x diana??? im??? here for it???)

THEY’RE GOING TO THE FAERIE COURT FUCK ME UPPPPPP

NO FUCK OFF ZARA YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF 

wait but… but kit and ty… but he just kissed livvy and they’re cute too… gdi 

i hope emma and/or cristina rips zara’s head right from her shoulders 

JULIAN AND EMMA ARE KISSING AGAINNNNN

FUCK IT WASN’T REALLY HER

FUCK 

what 

w h a t

W H A T 

HER FATHER OH TKLEJFLMY GDO EM AM AY IT S YOUR DAD WFFJTF

jk it wasn’t her dad gdi 

Diana is my mother now since she just SHUT ZARA TF DOWN

MALCOLM???????????????

oh shit yall it’s the ‘oh no we have to share a bed’ trope and i am LIVING 

julian hiding his boner is my aesthetic 

emma you can’t just casually mention my father luke garroway wtf 

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW ITTTT ANNABEL KILLED MALCOLM

what’s wrong with Cristina’s arm… wHAT’S WRONG WITH CRISTINA’S ARM LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE 

Julian just snapped at Emma and I have never been more uncomfortable please stop fighting mom and dad 

“neither julian nor emma slept well that night, though each of them thought they were the only one troubled, and the other one was probably resting just fine” real quick i just need to go drink a gallon of bleach to get over this 

all these references to will and jem are really fucking me up 

GDI JESSAMINE 

WILL AND JEM’S HEIGHT MEASURING WALL IM SOBBING JUST LEAVE ME TO DIE

“Tessa used to come and ask me too. She wanted to know where Will was.” WHAT THE FUCK A LOT OF PAINFUL THINGS ARE HAPPENING ALL VERY QUICKLY 

“I want you to be proud of me.” SHIT FUCK HELL DAMN FUCK 

MARK AND THE GNOME IM CHOKING 

Real quick Bridget imma need you to stop alluding to jem and will and also tell me how TF YOU’RE ALIVE 

oooOOOOoooo a compartment to themselves??? HMMMMMM 

Mark x Kieran x Cristina did you mean Lito x Hernando x Daniella? 

ANNABEL GET AWAY FROM MY SON JULIAN 

KLDKFLAJFK;AFALKL MAGNUS SAVING MY CHILDREN AT THE SHADOW MARKET IM SO FUCKING ALIVE 

I love my father Magnus Bane 

I LOVE MY FATHER ALEC LIGHTWOOD 

Alec talking about Jace you bet your sweet ass I’m crying 

On a serious note — props to CC for this representation of autism through Ty, and how Kit treats him so damn well. Very, very cool.

GWYN AND DIANA ARE ADORABLE FIGHT ME I LOVE THEM 

My domestic fathers Magnus and Alec are saving my life 

BRIDGET WANTS THAT LIGHTWOOD DICK EVEN STILL 

All Magnus wants to do is adopt every sad downworlder alive and I LOVE HIM ALL THE MORE FOR IT 

EMMA AND JULIAN HOLDING EACH OTHER IN THEIR SLEEP BYE FOREVER 

Don’t worry Emma I too live on the Sexy Thoughts River and the Sea of Perversion 

EMMA WANTS A SELFIE WITH A PISKIE IM CHOKING I LOVE HER 

FUCK SHIT IT’S JAIME NO DRU RUN 

Mark just had a sex dream about Kieran in the library I’m laughing so hard 

OH KIERAN GAVE HIM THE SEX DREAM WOW KINKY I NEED ME A FREAK LIKE THAT 

Actually wait I change my mind fuck you Kieran that wasn’t cool of you 

THE PLATE OF SCONES IM CRYING I MISS YOU SOPHIE AND GIDEON 

NO SIR JAIME YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER DRU YOU INSOLENT FUCKBOY 

DAMN can CC write so freaking well holy shit 

but are Cristina and Mark kissing because they love each other??? or because of the binding spell?????? will the world EVER KNOW????

POLYAMORY???? WHAT??????

Kit and Ty are … the … most adorable thing… in the whole world… 

“It's a burden being sarcastic” I’M CHOK ING TO DEATH 

FUCK YOU EREC FIRST YOU COME AFTER MY DAUGHTER CRISTINA NOW I FIND OUT YOU TORTURED MY SON KIERAN???

Jaime is evil I can smell it 

MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOPPPPP 
Julian appearing out of nowhere sitting on a boulder in the pouring rain completely Unbothered™ like name a more iconic entrance 

DADDY JULIAN HAS EMERGED HOT DAMN SHOVE HER AGAINST THAT WALL DADDY FUCK HER REAL GOOD I need to chill i'm sorry 

BREAK MY HEART BREAK IT IN PIECES

Gdi Dru 

SLAP HIM CRISTINA YES MY QUEEN 

Wait... shit is Jaime actually a good guy? DAMMIT 

MAGNUS CAUGHT THEM LOLOLOL he isn't even concerned though bc he knows parabatai love each other extra hard bc he witnessed Will and Jem's love firsthand lol BYE 

Who tf is Ash? I mean he's Dru's age and they just had a "coincidental meeting" so CLEARLY he's a love interest but 

NO FUCK YOU JAIME I STILL DONT TRUST YOU 

DIANA IS TRANS WHAT IM SO HERE FOR THIS MY STRONG WARRIOR QUEEN 

Gwyn is the actual love of my life 

"Pyromania interests me" Ty, my son, I love you

Dad!Julian makes me WEEP

Coincidentally, Dad!Alec ALSO MAKES ME WEEP 

PRETENTIOUS HAIR PRINCE JENXKAOOAJW EMMA I FUCKING ADORE YOU 

MAGNUS NAME DROPPED MY MOTHER MAIA OMG 

Emma referring to implied polyamory as a sexy weirdness is ME 

Pffffffft Kieran calling Diego the "very handsome stupid one" is ALSO MEEEEEEE 

"The bad things can't matter more than the good things" Cristina....... my daughter........ 

Ty's letter GOODBYE ALL IM DONE 

HELEN OMGGGGGGGG

Kieran ain't got time for your SHIT Robert 

MAGNUS NOOOOOOOOOO

Sassy!Alec defending his man and not dealing with Bigot!Zara's bullshit I’m so wet 

OH MY GOD ROBERT 

NANSIZOANWPZOAPALWK THE MORTAL SWORD OMG 

what

what

what 

what 

what 

what. 

Livvy isn't dead

No 

No livvy isnt dead 

No no 

Wait what the FUCK 

THATS THE E N D ????

W H A T T H E F U C K 

BYE. 

BYE forever I'm going to go live in a world where Livvy is alive and well because fuck all this BYEEEEEEEEEE

so like 2019…. where u at

[thelastspeecher]

Stan Pines, Farmhand - Chapter 11: Best Laid Plans

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6 Chapter 7   Chapter 8   Chapter 9   Chapter 10   Chapter 11   Chapter 12   Chapter 13   Chapter 14   Chapter 15   Chapter 16   AO3

I definitely did not plan on posting this today, but like what happens in this chapter, plans don’t always work out the way you want.  I’m pretty excited.  This chapter is really cheesy and fluffy, and so is the next one.  But the one after that?  ...Not quite.  Also, the de-aging thing from the previous chapter was resolved “off-screen”.  Anyways, enjoy!

April 1, 1977 – Gravity Falls

               Stan followed his girlfriend and his twin brother deeper into the abandoned mines.  

               “Ya really wanna spend yer birthday chasin’ down dinosaurs?” he asked, his voice echoing.  “Ya wouldn’t prefer to go to that restaurant with the ocean view?”  Angie shook her head.

               “That place is expensive.  Trackin’ dinosaurs is free.”  She looked back at him.  “Ya didn’t have to come with.”

               “You’re my girlfriend.  It’s your birthday.  If I abandoned ya, Lute’d have my head.”

               “I know ya didn’t really like Gravity Falls the last time we visited.”

               “Gnomes chewed through the brake wires of the car I’ve had since I was sixteen,” Stan said flatly.  

               “Yeah.”  Angie fell back a few steps.  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.  “Thank ya fer workin’ past yer hatred fer this town to spend time with me.”

               “Heh.  It ain’t a big deal.  Especially since this is way better than hearin’ Lute rant about how ‘that ain’t what southern men do’.  Your brother’s got some interesting thoughts ‘bout what bein’ a southern gentleman means. And for some reason, he seems to be under the impression that I’m one.”  Angie chuckled.  She froze.

               “Did ya hear that?”

               “Hear what?”  A roar echoed.  

               “That.”  

               “Yep.  Definitely heard that.”

               “I’ve found the nest!” Ford called.  He ran back to them.  “But there’s a slight problem.  I disturbed the mother.”

               “That’s more than a slight problem, Sixer,” Stan said.  “I think it’s time to go.”

               “What?  But we didn’t get any pictures!” Angie protested.  Stan grabbed her hand.

               “If ya get killed on my watch, yer folks’ll kill me.  C’mon.” She pulled her hand out of his grip.

               “No, I need at least one picture.”  Angie strode away determinedly.  “If’n yer so concerned ‘bout my safety, ya can follow me.”  A shadow fell over her.

               “Angie!”  Stan tackled her to the ground, narrowly avoiding the dinosaur’s claws.  They tumbled down a nearby slope, coming to a stop at its base.  He looked at Angie, whom he was effectively pinning to the ground.  She was so close that he could count every freckle on her face and see a thin silver ring around her pupils, contrasting the bright blue of the rest of her iris.  It reminded him of something.  He thought back to the small box he had left back with Fiddleford, at Ford’s house.  

               Now’s as good a time as any.  She stared at him, a pink flush beginning to spread across her cheeks.

               “Will ya marry me?” he blurted out.  Angie’s eyes widened.  

               “What?”

               “Banjolina Quinn McGucket, will ya marry me?” he said, more firmly this time. “I know I’m not on one knee, and the ring’s back at Ford’s house, but-”

               “Yes,” she interrupted.  

               “Wait, really?”

               “Yes, really,” she said.  “Ya goober.” Stan grinned at her.

               “I’m yer goober, now,” Stan said.  Angie smiled.

               “Ya most definitely are.”

----- 

May 1978 – Gumption

               “So, the wedding’s in a month, right?” Lute asked Angie.  Angie rolled her eyes.  

               “Ya got the invitation ages ago!  An’ all the information is in that there binder in front of ya.”

               “Oh.”  Lute opened the binder.  “Yep. June 18.  Good choice.  I’ve heard good things about June weddings.”  After her graduation with her master’s degree, Angie had come back to Gumption with Stan, and they were currently finishing up the wedding plans.

               “An’ it’s here in Gumption,” Angie continued.  “In the barn.  So we’ll have to clean it up a bit.”

               “Why not the church?” Fiddleford asked.  He and Ford were taking a break from their research in Gravity Falls to visit Gumption quickly before the wedding.  

               “Stan’s Jewish,” Angie said shortly.

               “Right.”

               “Angie, does this mean ya get to do the thing where ya step on the glass an’ break it?” Lute asked eagerly.  Angie looked at Stan.  Stan nodded. “Dang.  That’s excitin’.”

               “Y’all are weird,” Stan said, shaking his head.  Angie kissed him on the cheek.

               “Yer marryin’ into my weird fam’ly, though.”  

               “Fiddleford, Tate’s up,” Ford said, walking into the living room, holding his son.  

               “Did ya change him?” Fiddleford asked.

               “Yes.”

               “I’ll hold him, then.  He likes gettin’ attention.”

               “No, I’ll hold him!” Angie said immediately.

               “Are you sure?” Ford asked.  Angie nodded.

               “I don’t get to spend enough time with the lil polydactyl.”  Ford handed Tate to her.  “My lord, Tate, yer gettin’ so big already!” Angie cooed at her nephew. She looked at Fiddleford.  “How old is he, again?”

               “He was born November 17, so almost exactly six months,” Fiddleford replied. Angie looked back at Tate.

               “Yer already halfway to bein’ a year old, Tater Tot!  Such a big boy!”  She blew a raspberry on Tate’s stomach.  He giggled.  “Such a happy boy, too!  What an absolute cutie-pie.”

               “Since he started sleeping through the night, he’s definitely started to seem cuter,” Ford said.  He rubbed his eyes tiredly.  “I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been on Mom to take care of two infants at the same time.”

               “It’s a good thing twins don’t run in the McGucket fam’ly, then,” Lute said, turning another page in the wedding plan binder.  “Otherwise ya might have had to deal with that.”  

               “Are ya goin’ to have more kidlets?” Angie asked her older brother. Fiddleford shook his head.

               “I think just the one child is enough,” Fiddleford said, taking his son from Angie.  “I don’t plan on goin’ through that whole experience again.  It weren’t pleasant.”

               “Adoption is-”

               “Just the one munchkin is enough fer us,” Fiddleford said firmly. “Raisin’ kids is hard work, an’ we’re already busy, what with Tate and our research.”  He smiled at Angie.  “I understand where yer comin’ from.  I know ya enjoy bein’ an auntie, and ya like spoilin’ yer nieces and nephews.  But ya won’t be gettin’ any more from Ford and myself.”  

               “Fair enough,” Angie conceded.  She cocked her head.  “So, ya had to give up doin’ research fer a while.  How’d that go?  Just so’s I know.”  Stan looked up from the wedding plans he had been perusing with Lute.

               “Uh, what?” Stan asked.  Angie looked over at him.

               “I ain’t pregnant now, don’t worry.”

               “I know you’re not, but the fact that you’re askin’ before we’re even married is makin’ me a bit nervous.”

               “It’s just fer future reference,” Angie said with a wave of her hand.

               “Ya might go a bit stir-crazy when it’s yer turn,” Fiddleford told her. “I stayed inside a lot an’ didn’t do much, ‘specially near the end.”  Angie grimaced.

               “Yeesh.  But it’d be worth it.  Fer one thing, Stan’s cuter than Ford.  An’ I know it seems impossible, but that means a kid of ours would be even more adorable than Tate.”

               “Damn straight,” Stan said, turning his attention back to the wedding plans.  “And our kid would have a better name.”

               “Tate is a perfectly fine name,” Ford said defensively.  “Fiddleford and I agreed to forego the McGucket naming convention.”

               “Ya might have mostly foregone it, but ya did name him after Uncle Tate,” Lute said.

               “So?”

               “Do ya know what Tate is short for?”

               “It’s not short for anything.”  

               “Not yer Tate.  Uncle Tate.”

               “Oh, um, no,” Ford confessed.  Angie snickered.  “What? What is it short for?”

               “Isn’t he the one named after food?” Stan asked.  Ford looked at Fiddleford.

               “Fiddleford.  What did we name our son?”

               “We named him a proper name,” Fiddleford said reassuringly.  “His namesake just don’t have that.”

               “What’s Uncle Tate’s real name?” Ford asked.  Fiddleford sighed.

               “His full name is Potato.”

-----

September, 1978 – Gravity Falls

               Summer was beginning to fade, and the town of Gravity Falls was bustling with citizens making the most of the last warm days.  On the drive up, Angie had been bubbling with excitement over getting permission to finish her doctorate by studying some of the amphibians in Gravity Falls.  Her happiness almost masked the dread Stan was feeling.  Something about the lumber town felt odd to him, like bad things would happen there.  But now that he was officially moving boxes into the house they had just rented, the initial unease had gone to the back of Stan’s mind.  

               “Thanks fer helpin’ us move in,” Angie said, handing a box to Lute.

               “It’s no problem.  I’m always ‘round to help my baby sister,” he replied.  He tucked the box under one arm.

               “It’s not like you have anythin’ better to do, anyways,” Stan said, taking another box out of the trailer.  “What exactly do ya do, again?”

               “Mostly just bother my siblin’s,” Lute replied.  Angie opened the passenger door of the truck and took out the terrarium holding Tubbs.  She went inside the house.  Once she was gone, Lute turned to Stan.  “So, when are the two of ya goin’ to pop out a kid?”  

               “Lute, what the fuck.”

               “Hey, it’s a perfectly valid question.”

               “We’ve only been married fer three months.”

               “So?”

               “Isn’t that a bit fast?”

               “Not fer a McGucket,” Lute said.  “Ma didn’t even finish school ‘fore she had the oldest three.”

               “Well, we only just moved here.  Angie wouldn’t wanna stop doin’ her research just after startin’ it.” Stan rubbed his neck nervously. “An’ I’m still lookin’ for a job. ‘Arkansas farmhand’ and ‘San Diego car salesman’ don’t make the greatest resume.  We haven’t even talked ‘bout kids, beyond mentionin’ that they’ll eventually happen.  So, no, Lute, we’re not plannin’ on havin’ kids.  Not yet.”

               “What’s that thing folks say?  ‘God laughs at yer plans’?”  Stan eyed Lute suspiciously.  

               “What are ya gettin’ at, McGucket?” he asked.  Lute sighed and set down the box he was holding.

               “Ma didn’t plan on havin’ the older three.  It’s a well-known fact in the fam’ly that Violynn, Harper, and Basstian were all surprises.”

               “I don’t think I’m likin’ what I’m hearin’.”

               “Pa has seven siblin’s.”

               “Damn.”

               “The McGuckets are a very fertile fam’ly.  An’ unless you ‘n Angie are abstainin’…”  Lute eyed Stan curiously.  

               “Lute.  I’m not gonna talk ‘bout my sex life.  Do ya really want to know if your baby sister’s had-”

               “Fair enough,” Lute said quickly.  He shrugged. “Just somethin’ to keep in mind. Tate weren’t planned, either.”

               “Lute, don’t say things like that,” Angie said, joining them again.  

               “It’s true,” Lute protested.  Angie put her hands on her hips.

               “It don’t matter if it’s true.  It’s rude.  But that reminds me.”  Angie turned to Stan.  “We’re babysittin’ Tate tomorrow.”

               “Again?”

               “His dads have research to do.  I just want to help.”

               “Uh-huh.  Sure,” Stan said.  “It doesn’t have anythin’ to do with how much ya like spendin’ time with babies.”  Angie rolled her eyes and took the box he was holding.

               “They got backed up a bit on their work after he was born,” she called as she walked back inside.  “They need to catch up.”  

               “If ya say so.”  Stan looked at Lute.  “Do ya really think that-”

               “I ain’t a doctor.  I can’t tell ya yer chances fer havin’ a surprise kid.”

               “You literally just told me you thought that’s what’ll happen.”

               “…Point taken.”  Lute handed Stan another box from the trailer.  “If’n it makes ya feel better, I think you’d be a good dad.”

               “Yeah?”

               “Yeah.  Lord knows the Gucklings think yer the best thing since sliced bread.  Yer a natural with kids, even if ya don’t feel like ya are.”

               “I’m pretty sure yer just lyin’ to me to try to get another niece or nephew,” Stan said.  Lute scoffed.

               “I ain’t a liar, no matter how cute I think yer kid would be.”  Angie opened the front door and stuck her head out.

               “Are you fellers goin’ to bring in any more boxes or keep chit-chattin’ at the truck?”

----- 

               “Aren’t you the cutest lil feller I ever done see,” Angie cooed at Tate. She and Stan were at Ford and Fiddleford’s house, babysitting Tate.  So far, he’d been remarkably well-behaved, something Stan claimed was due to his parents being nerds.  Tate giggled and grabbed at Angie’s nose.  She laughed. “Yup.  That’s the fam’ly nose.  And you’ve got it too, Tater Tot.”  She sighed.  

               “What is it?” Stan asked.

               “I want one,” Angie said softly.  She played with Tate’s hands.  

               “Well, it’s not like anybody else is here,” Stan began.  Angie eyed him.

               “What are ya gettin’ at?”

               “If ya decide to take him, I won’t tell.  Ya can head for the border with Tate and I’ll meet up with ya.”

               “Mexico?”

               “No.  Canada.”

               “I did learn French at West Coast Tech,” Angie said.  Her eyes gleamed.  She stood up.

               “Whoa, whoa,” Stan said.  “I was kidding.”

               “Oh.”  Angie sat down again.  “Uh, so was I.”  

               “No ya weren’t!”

               “Hey, you don’t know me.”

               “Yeah, I do,” Stan said firmly.  Angie sighed.

               “Yer right.”  She kissed Tate on the forehead.  “This lil feller’s just so goldarn cute.  It ain’t right that Ford got a baby ‘fore I did.”

               “…Why?” Stan asked.  Angie shrugged.

               “‘Cause it’s Ford?”

               “Fair enough.”  Stan leaned over to look at his nephew.  Tate grabbed one of Stan’s fingers and began to chew on it excitedly.  Stan softened.  “You want a baby, huh?”

               “Yeah…” Angie said softly.  

               “But ya understand now ain’t the best time fer that.  We’re still settlin’ here in Gravity Falls, and ya just started your research, so we should probably wait a bit.”  Angie cracked a half-smile.

               “Does that mean ya want to be a dad?”  

               “…Maybe.”

               “Glad we’re on the same page.  I want a lil one, too, but we should prob’ly hold off a bit.  How long do ya want to wait?”

               “How ‘bout no kids ‘til after our first anniversary?  That way we can go as wild as we want next June,” Stan suggested.  Angie chuckled.  “Think you can wait that long?”

               “Yeah.” She kissed him on the cheek.  “Look at ya, bein’ responsible.”

               “Well, that an’, I dunno, havin’ a kid right away doesn’t seem like a good idea. I’m pretty sure it’s ruined marriages.” Angie’s eyes softened.

               “Stanley, it’d take more than a baby to make me leave ya.”

               “What would it take?” Stan asked.

               “Why do ya want to know?”

               “I wanna avoid doin’ it.”

               “I can’t think of anythin’,” Angie said, bouncing Tate on one of her knees.

               “…Really?”

               “Darlin’, I can’t think of a single thing that would make me so angry with ya that I’d leave.”

               “Nothin’?”

               “Absolutely nothin’.”

----- 

December 23, 1978 – Gumption

               Normally, at the holidays, the McGucket house was even more warm and welcoming than usual.  But Stan couldn’t help the nervousness he was feeling.  Sitting next to him at the dining table, Angie grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

               “Darlin’, it’s fine,” she whispered in his ear.  “You’ll make it through this.”

               “Why do ya want to wait ‘til January, to tell ‘em, again?” he whispered back.

               “Ya know why.”

               “Are the two lovebirds whisperin’ sweet nothin’s to each other?” Lute asked teasingly.  

               “What’s it to you?” Stan asked.  Lute reached out to take Angie’s glass.

               “Ya want some wine, lil sis?”  Angie hurriedly grabbed it from him.

               “No, Lute.  Thanks, though.”  Lute frowned at her.

               “What happened to the Angie I know an’ love?  It ain’t like you’ll get drunk.  McGuckets got fortitude.”

               “I know how our fam’ly works, ya goon,” Angie said.  She shrugged.  “I just ain’t in the mood fer alcohol right now.”

               “Is that so?” Ma McGucket asked.  There was an odd look on her face.  “Is there any reason fer that?”

               “N-no,” Angie stammered.  She swallowed, suddenly turning a slight shade of green.  She stood up abruptly.  “I’ll be back in a mo’.”  She rushed off.

               “She’s been usin’ the facilities an awful lot,” Lute said, taking his seat on the other side of Stan.  “Is she sick or somethin’?”

               “No.  At least, if she is, she didn’t tell me,” Stan said.  He looked at Ma McGucket again.  She smiled knowingly at him.

               Stan turned beet red.

[yeahwesaidthat]

TWWS: The Best of D&D

Ladiiiiiiiies and gentlemeeeeeeeeeeen! Welcome to the ultimate showdown: THE BEST OF D&D!

This post contains the best of the best of the D&D/RPG posts over the years of TWWS, all the way from the beginning. At the end of the post, there will be a link to a survey where you can vote for your favourites in each category (other/3.5e, 4e, and 5e) and nominate MVPs for each category. If the person you want to vote MVP has only been referenced as “Player,” just note down what quote they’re responsible for. A week from today (or until enough of you fill out the survey), Round 2 of the competition begins.

Everybody roll for initiative!

Overheard During Other RPGs

During Hackmaster, about a bottle label: SB: “It says ‘Thou shalt not question the DM over inane shit!’”

Overheard During D&D 3.5e

Unarmed damage?: MM: “It’s the difference between a slap and a bitch-slap.”

So wrong it's right: MM (IC): “I like your spunk.” KH (OOC): “So does [gay player].”

Rogue equipment: KB (IC): “I need [boots] that are…soft-sounding.” MM (IC): “We have socks.”

Describing a character: SO: “She is built like a brick shithouse.” DM: “She shits brick houses.” Bubbles: “She makes brick houses shit bricks.”

When the party has two rogues: KH (IC): “I can find it!” KB (IC): “I can find it better.”

RD (IC): “[Wizard], if you do not stop right now, I will arrest you for terminal stupidity, and I can assure you, I will find a law against it!”

A discount on services rendered: SO: “What’s 75% off of ‘I run and do whatever you ask without question’?”

Calling for divine help in very specific situations: MM: “Please state your current medical emergency.” KB: “Head-splosion.” SO: “If you have been stabbed, press one. If you are currently being stabbed, press two.” MM: “If your head’s detonated and you’ve launched into a wall, press three.” RD: “Why did you press three? We never expected anyone to press three!” SO: “We don’t know what to do in this medical emergency! Please dial again!”

IO: “[Wizard] is going to say - ” KB: “Can I tell you why this is a bad idea?” IO: “No.”

Proper procedure when everything goes to hell: RD: “[Cleric] goes outside and makes a magic circle, sits in it, and cries.”

KH (IC): “That stupid fucking son of a flea-ridden bitch cunt wizard - ” MM (IC): “Oh, him.”

How to pray to the god Ao: KB, KH, and MM: “I throw my hands up in the air sometimes sayin’ heeeeey-oh! I worship Aaaaaaa-o!” Bubbles: “[The wizard’s] gaaaaaaaay-o!"

Overheard During D&D 4e

SIDE NOTE: A Quiplash commentary on D&D 4e: A more environment-friendly alternative to toilet paper - 4th ed character sheets

What we think we saw - again?: Player: “If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and weighs the same as a duck, it must be a witch.” KH: “It’s a witch.” RJ: “Build a bridge out of 'er!”

Healing needed: Player: “I have a mess kit, will that help?” WS: “Only if you want to make a mess.”

Captain: “Neverwinter ho!” Dwarf: “Hos? Where?”

SB: “Eventually you end up at the most popular stall in the market.” Player: “Porn?”

About attacking a character that may or may not be good: SB: “Wait, what’s your alignment?” Player: “Lawful Paranoid.”

Taunting the kraken: Player: “Your tentacles are so short even an anime girl wouldn’t take 'em!”

Questioning the legitimacy of an NPC: SB (IC as Priest): “I have a degree in polytheism from the University of Phoenix Online!”

Making sure it’s really dead: SB: "You kick the head and it goes sailing through the open door of the tomb. You hear a voice in the darkness go ’Gooooooooal!’”

Killing the undead: SB: “Congratulations, you choked something to death that doesn’t breathe.”

Mass undead murder: Player: “We made a ghoul-ash. An evil gumbo, really.”

Architecture: Player: “I like big buttresses and I cannot lie.”

Interesting kills: SB: “You decapitated him with a bludgeoning weapon.”

About flying books: Player 1: “The window opens in! How do they fly out?” Player 2: “They’re paperbacks."

Player: “Thank God I decided to engage the dragon in melee.” MW: “You’ll never hear that in any other D&D campaign ever again.”

Player: “Is the food still on the table?” Three Of Us: “DON’T EAT IT!!!”

Overheard During D&D 5e

Annoying Teen: (about his character) “Would he still hate me?” AD: (not about his character) “I think everyone hates you.”

Don’t mess with a dire bear: JI: “There’s one inside who attacks the bear…" (rolls) "...and misses horribly ‘cause he shits his pants.”

JI: “He doesn’t have 100 hit points. He has 95.”

Demonic insight: KH: “I say in Infernal, ‘Peace! We mean you no harm!’” JI: “There’s no word in Infernal for ‘peace.’” Retroactive Edit: Demons actually speak Abyssal. Devils speak Infernal.

Animal form disadvantages: AD: “I’m going to bite [the zombie].” Everyone Else: (mass noise of disgust)

JI: “You feel a pinch in your mind as if she’s flipping through your yellow pages.” AD: “That’s got to be a euphemism for something.” ST: “Oh, yeah, baby, turn my yellow pages.” JB: “Turn to ‘F’ for fun.”

What happens in every religious venue in every D&D campaign ever: JB: “Here is the church, here is the steeple,” KH: “Open the door, and here are the zombies.”

KH: “Did you sneak off to her house in the middle of the night?” ST: “Does that sound like something I would do?” KH, AD, and CD: “Yes.”

JI: “You guys came in here - ” AD: “ - like a wrecking ball - ”

Post-adventure considerations: KH: “[Rogue] wouldn’t know what to do with her life.” AD: “She can bail herself out of jail.”

Switching to melee for a change: CD: “Let’s see if this ‘offense’ thing you do all the time really works.” (rolls a critical hit)

The logistics of being swallowed by a sea monster: ST: “Am I going to take damage if I move further along his digestive tract?”

EC: “If you had leprosy and your ears fell off would you be a deaf leper?”

Identifying mysterious cults: KH: “What’s the Cult of Howling Hatred?” EC: “The Westboro Baptist Church, obviously.”

DR: ��Apparently your god has personally intervened due to your badassery.”

A Mass Effect cameo on a dexterity check for dancing: EC: “If you roll a one, you dance like Shepard.”

EC (IC): “So what you’re saying is that it’s very dangerous and we shouldn’t go in. I’ll take point.”

Things to worry about in combat: KH: “You don’t have enough hit points to take it like a man, honey.”

The ends justify the means?: Bubbles: “Did you have fun role-playing an interrogation?” DR: “You guys are fucked up.”

KH: “How do you stun-lock a Terrasque?!?” JB: “Fourth Edition.”

ST: “Do we have to kill them before we eat? I hate murdering on an empty stomach.”

About a revenant and a possible lover: EC: “Well the beast is committing necrophilia and the necro is committing bestiality…” DR: “What happens in Faerun, et cetera.”

Rolling high on a seduction check: DR: “Frankly, I didn’t think you’d go down this road.” KH: “Oh, I went down all right.”

More on the seduction roll: Bubbles: “Try to convince her to come with us. The way she came with you last night.”

About a nonviolent kua-toa: Player: “He’s a paci-fish.”

About dealing with face-hugging enemies: CD: “You swung at yourself and missed?” AD: “I swung at myself and missed.”

ST (IC): “I’ll be staying in the boat unless you have need of my specific skills.” CD (OOC): “Dying first is not a skill.”

About cultists: DM (IC): “They are water people. Maybe they’re just going with the flow.”

About a minotaur who keeps missing: DM: “At least when you put a bull in a china shop he’ll break shit.”

About bottles of brandy: EC: “I have two questions: how many of them are there and how many of them can I carry?”

Ideas so bad they’re good: KH: “We’re gonna blow up the temple with the distillery.” F: “The temple, the lich, half the plot…”

About going forward: KH: “Against our better judgment.” DM: “What better judgment?” KH: “Good point.”

About shooting arrows: KH: “'Nock’ yourself out.”

About using a lot of magic: JS: “We’re blowing a big load here right now.”

JS: “You wanna go up the shaft?” ST and T: “That’s what he said.”

About flirting with an efreet: JI: “Below her waist is a trailing cloud of black smoke, so you’re not getting anything.”

Questioning the guardian imp: Player (IC): “What happens if someone disturbs the sarcophagus before your time is up?” WS (IC): “There’ll be six more weeks of winter.”

MR (IC): “Trying to undercut me on my quest to restore my former glory?” KH (IC): “You have no glory to restore.” Other Players: “Oooooooh!” SW: “Quick, someone cast heal!”

When talking with a spirit: MR (IC): “You can’t just ask someone if they’re dead! That’s incredibly rude! The correct term is ‘mortally challenged’!”

After a petrifying encounter with some basilisks: BC: “I always thought she was stone-hearted.” KT: “I dunno, I thought she rocked.” JS: “I am going to kill all of you.”

What to do with windmills: KH: “If we had a lance, we could go tilting.” MR: “Cavalier idea.”

Quest priorities: Player 1: “No one’s going to pay us to do it right now. It’s not worth the attention.”

JF: “Roll to see if you hit me by accident.” KH: “Oh, I’d hit you on purpose.”

K’s paladin chastising A’s paladin about her sex habits: A (IC): “I thought you were the paladin of joy!” K (IC): “Not that kind of joy!”

About a previous edition of D&D: KH: “[What] the hell couldn’t you do in 3.5?” SW: “Win.”

KH: “Technically you’re underage.” ST: “That’s never stopped me before.” AD: “You or your character?” ST: “Do I have to answer that?”

D: “We’re gonna make the Underdark great again!” ST: “We’re gonna build a wall - a really big wall in the Underdark, and we’re gonna make the gnomes pay for it.” A: “We pay for everything already! Screw you!”

About a character who caught fire: T: “He’s not rolling initiative; he’s rolling on the ground.”

T (IC): “Let’s go before the men’s egos get us killed.”

JB (IC): “My god believes in good opportunities. Not dying is a good opportunity.”

Passing on some bad news: JI (IC): “[Chief] not sick!” AD (IC): “He was when we were done with him.”

To a healer: KH (IC): “I don’t suppose you have a cure for the common cold?” JI (IC): “I’m not a miracle worker.”

Reassuring a woman scorned: AA (IC): “Go tell her - all men dogs.” JI (OOC): “Says the cat.”

To the tune of “Like a G6”: ST and KH: “Roll a d6, roll a d6!”

KH: “Of course it’s always about dirty sex - I’m a bard!” AD: “The hell are you two talking about down there?!”

To a mindflayer, about a stupid character: KH (IC): “I’d offer you his brain to eat, but I don’t think he has one.” JS (IC as mindflayer): “I don’t eat junk food.”

MGW: “It’s Tza…Zsa…his name is Jasper.”

Saying goodbye to the barkeep: MR (IC): “I’ll be back visiting the northern parts soon.” KH (OOC): “And then you can visit her southern parts.”

About a questionable NPC: ST (IC): “I would never dream of hurting you!” KH (IC): “I would.”

About prison visitations: JB (IC): “How often is it that a [gypsy] walks in here voluntarily?”

Failing a romance/persuasion check: AA: “Ooh, she cast Zone of Friend!”

Preparing for a swamp adventure: CD: “I want to buy some insect repellant.” AD: “What, your personality doesn’t drive them away?”

About a magic boat: JB (IC): “I saw it grow!” ST (IC): “Are you sure you didn’t rub it? That sometimes happens with wood.” JB (IC): “You would know.” ST (IC): “You wouldn’t.” JB (IC): “Tell that to my two children.”

About an injured drow: MGW (IC): “Look at that poor girl! She has a black eye! You can’t see it, ‘cause her skin is black, but still!”

Last-minute aliases: RD (IC): “Unfortunately, no, my name is Dick Ballsenshaft.”

To a half-orc and Sir Bearington, regarding weirdness: MGW (IC): “…but for me to assume you’re in a loving relationship with a talking bear is where we draw the line?!”

Wisdom for stealing magic items: KC: “Anything that glows goes.”

About fleeing: RD: “I’m going to run like an Amazon employee during the holidays.”

MGW: “You were doing so well until everybody died.” JF: “D&D in a summary.”

Once more about fleeing: RD: “A smart man knows when to run like a little bitch.” J: “Why do you think that’s the first thing I did?”

Recapping the previous session: A: “There was a shitshow, but we got away with it.” S: “So the usual, then.”

About creature size: MR: “Is an ettin large or huge?” MGW: “I think he’s just large.” A: “He’s probably large but pretends he’s huge.” AS: “Typical guy.”

When a pervy character is disgusted by a perv: RD: “Dear Kettle, I have an issue with your current hue. Signed, the Pot.”

A: “He told us to send a message.” KH: “A sword in the stomach is a message.” SW: “The Lannisters send their regards.”

The pervy paladin: A: “I used Lay On Hands. I healed him.” KH: “Yeah, but where did you lay your hands?” MGW: “Wherever she wanted.”

About our tactics: SW: “We put the 'fun’ in 'dysfunctional.’”

About possible activities: MGW (IC): “I know you’re a tiefling, but we’re all the same color in the dark, right?”

Interesting weapon material: MGW: “You all take a moment of reflective silence.” JB: “Nah, I’m just cleaning my bone.” KH: “Technically that’s a moment of reflective silence.” KC: “Not if you’ve seen the barbarian do it.”

Scrying like bad cell reception: KH: “Switch to AD&D.” JB: “Can you scry me now?”

About the taste of human: SW: “You would know.” A: “Nah, I don’t swallow.” MR: “This conversation is making me uncomfortable.”

Wrestling prep: MR (IC): “I want a good, clean fight.” A (IC): “No we don’t.” JB (IC): “What’s a clean fight?” A (IC): “It means you have to take a bath first.” JB (IC): “What’s a bath?”

MGW: “There’s a bridge that looks like it may have collapsed at some point.” JB: “Is it a-bridged?”

Beautiful references (read in Rorschach’s voice): AA: “I’m not grappled with YOU,” ST, AA, and KH: “YOU’RE grappled with ME!”

About remaining spells: KH: “I have three 1st-level slots and one 2nd-level slot.” CD: “Those are 'keeping people alive’ slots.”

Dealing with extra-limbed gorillas: ST: “Uh-oh! They must have been forewarned!” AD: “What makes you say that?” ST: “Forewarned is four-armed.” AD: -_-

Negotiation skills: AD: “It’s just me trying to bullshit him.” JI: “Why don’t you make a bullshit check?”

Trying to figure out if the staff is necromantic: CD: “We could kill a mouse in front of the staff. We could kill a mouse with the staff. How much is it to buy a mouse?”

JB: “Anyone die while I was gone?” SW: “Not on the outside.”

Wizarding limits: JS: “You may not polymorph your zombies into t-rexes.”

Zombies aren’t too smart: BC (IC): “Bobs, attack the closest gnoll!” Bobs: (run at gnoll party member) KH (OOC): “Et tu, Bob?” JS (OOC): “If this doesn’t belong in your blog, I dunno what does.”

Far too relatable: JS: “Twenty psychic damage.” BC: “I’ve taken more psychic damage from my mother.”

Worst-laid plans: KH (IC): “I have a very bad feeling about this.” MR (IC): “You should.”

Our go-to combat tactic: MR: “Are we going to stupid the guy to death?”

Zing!: MGW (IC): “If you join me, I can make you the greatest dwarf who ever lived.” TP (IC): “I am the greatest dwarf who ever lived.” Whole Table (OOC): “Ooooohhhhh!!!”

Another verbal duel with a sea god/character class limitations: KH: “I would say 'what is a god to a nonbeliever,’ but I’m a cleric.”

Activating the mysterious device: BC (IC): “We did it! I wonder what we did?”

Business as usual: KH: “This seems like a bad idea, but go ahead.”

Old adages: MR: “No plan survives contact with the enemy.” (IC) “But then, no enemy has survived contact with us!” (OOC) “Was that quote-worthy?” KH: “Yes.”

KC: “She can ride me. I don’t care.” KH: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) KC: “…I’M A BEAR IN ARMOR.”

Advantageous druidic inanity: KC: “Are you still riding the flying bear?” MR: “It’s flying now?” KC: “Yeah, he flew up to unlock the door.” AS: “…So he’s a flying bear with armor…”

Spell modifications for humourous purposes: MR: “Using a Dex[terity] save for Zone of Truth means they’re literally dodging the question.”

About a wild, crazy, out-of-left-field hypothesis: RD (IC): “I figured if you pulled something that big our of your ass there’d be bleeding involved.” MR (IC): “…That’s between me and my proctologist.” SW (OOC): “Did you take fire damage for that? That’s like Taco Bell levels of burn.”

As is per usual: MR: “We may have once again survived this by the skin of bullshit.”

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[todisturbtheuniverse]

FIC: Next of Kin

Fandom: Critical Role Characters: Grog Strongjaw & Kaylie Shorthalt Rating: T Word Count: 1,709 Summary: A missing scene from episode 84: Grog goes looking for Kaylie, or, a goliath and a gnome walk into a bar. Also on: AO3 Notes: For Critical Role Relationship Week.

It's not the longest day of Grog's life. It's just damn close.

He doesn't ponder what-ifs much. If a thing is done, it's done—behind him, forgotten. At least, that's how it was. Things have been changing, slowly, so slowly that he—keen though he is—hasn't noticed, so even after drinking with Pike and Kerr and Percy, even after seeing with his own eyes that Scanlan sleeps peacefully, he can't just shake it all off and go to sleep. Something needles him, at the back of his mind, an itch he can't reach.

Kaylie. Through the haze of drink and barely-sidestepped grief, he thinks, Where is Kaylie?

Scanlan wouldn't want her to be by herself. In a town completely unfamiliar to her, wrestling with feelings that Grog can't even imagine, probably. Though his step wavers a bit, he veers wide of the room waiting for him and heads off through the castle.

"Hey," he barks—probably a little too loud—at the first guard he comes across in the foyer, who startles and clatters in his armor, immediately bringing his sword and shield to the read. Dragons, Grog has observed, make people jumpy. "Have you seen a gnome? She has…she looks…" He tries to organize his thoughts. "You know Scanlan?"

The guard, probably deciding that he isn't a dragon, lowers the sword a little. "We don't see many gnomes around here," he says, his voice questioning.

"Look." Grog makes an effort to keep his voice a bit quieter. "You probably don't know, but I'm Grand Poobah de…Something…of All of This and That, and it's very important for me to know if you've seen a gnome that looks like Scanlan. Female. Short brown hair."

He seems nervous now, fidgety. The shield comes down a little more. "My friend William, he just started his watch maybe half an hour ago? Said something about a gnome girl down in the tavern before he came up. Said she was challenging all manner of folk to a brawl. Seemed like no one was taking her up on it. I thought he was just spinning yarn, but—"

"The great house of All of This and That thanks you," Grog says, and pushes past the bemused guard, out into the cool night air of Whitestone.

He takes a few wrong turns on the way there. Despite the sobering effect of Whitestone's chill, the drink sticks, and beneath it, exhaustion pulls even at his hearty bones. He finds his way eventually, though, and pushes the door to the place open.

There's not much left, and most of them have dropped like flies, half-sprawled over tables here and there. An old man nurses his drink in the corner, muttering, and the barkeep turns a page in his book, but besides him, the only person still upright is Kaylie: perched on a barstool, hunched over her drink, brown hair all ruffled up around her head.

The barkeep looks up, and his eyes widen. Grog doesn't know him, but it's clear he knows Grog. It's still weird, all these regular civilized people brightening up at the sight of him. His herd and all that is a long time past, but he still expects fear before gratitude.

"Strongjaw!" The barkeep starts bustling around in his cabinets. "I've got whatever you want, sir, on the house."

Kaylie doesn't even turn around. She snorts, hunching further over her drink. "Sir," she tells the mug, like it's a joke, and snickers. The barkeep shoots her a disapproving look.

"Ale," Grog says, weaving around the tables and passed-out patrons. "Whatever you've got." He hauls himself onto the stool beside Kaylie's, giving her mug a sideways look. "And one for my friend, here."

"Ah—I think she's had enough—"

"You heard the man!" Kaylie says, in a boisterous voice that doesn't even slur, even though she's probably been drinking for hours, now. She's an actor, this one, just like Scanlan. Grog can't help but like her.

Still with that look like he's been sniffing an outhouse, the barkeep pours them both generous mugs of ale and retreats down to the other end of the bar with his book, scowling.

Kaylie takes a deep swig and lets out a gusty exhale afterward. "So? What do you want?"

Grog thinks. He's been doing an awful lot of that, lately. Everything used to be so clear. Bad people crossed him, or his friends, and he'd mess them up. Mostly left everything else up to the thinkers, followed their lead. But he feels—not dimly, but strongly—that this is something he's better suited for than any of them.

"I know something," he says, "about family that hurts you."

She squints up at him, her small mouth twisted into a scowl. "Do you, now? I suppose you think forgiveness is in order, no matter what happened before, just because he died helping save the world?"

"No."

"Well, I think that—" She stops short, as if the word has only just hit her. Her frown softens a little. "No? What do you mean, no?"

"No is no. Straightforward. You aren't that drunk."

She blinks. If she wasn't as good an actor, he thinks she'd have smiled.

"Well then, big man. Since that's not what you think, what do you think?"

Grog takes a long drink of his ale. "Scanlan's one of my best friends."

"Yeah, I heard you earlier. Touching stuff." She doesn't look like it touched her. She's got that hard, flinty look in her eyes again.

"I think he's a good person," Grog says, just to put it out there. In case it helps. "I mean, who else goes after dragons? You've got to be good, right, to do that? I guess I wouldn't know about being good," he adds, in a mutter. "I'm a fucking goliath."

She snorts, taking a pull of her ale. The mug's too big in her small hands.

"But he did it," he goes on. "Still. That doesn't make up for everything else. I know it doesn't. He knows it doesn't. Listen, my herd left me for dead when I was young. Even if it'd turned out that Kevdak killed all the dragons and gave all the treasure back to the people it belonged to, I still wouldn't have wanted anything to do with him. Still would've wanted to kill him."

Her features ease a little more. He's not looking at her, not straight-on, but he gets a glimpse of her face when he lifts his mug to his mouth. She's listening, at least.

"He's alive," Grog says. "That's not much, when he's done what he did to you. But he did a good thing, and he's alive."

"He promised." Her voice is still hard, but quieter. "The only thing I ever asked for from him. Stay alive. He couldn't even fucking do that."

"Yeah." Grog turns his mug. "I know."

They sit in silence for a moment, drinking their ale in turns.

"So what, big man," Kaylie says. She sounds tired now, not so hard. When she's not posturing, which he thinks is probably always, she just seems like a kid. A sad, tired kid. "What's your wisdom? What's your advice?"

"Don't have any. Just my opinion."

She makes a hurry-up motion with her hand, the gesture wobbling.

"He's trying." He thinks of the body, the cold of it. "You deserve…you deserve better. You shouldn't have to endure it while he keeps fucking up. But he's going to. This is new to him. New to you, too. If you want to be in his life…if you want him to be in yours…then it's going to hurt before it gets better. But he's trying. I've seen it. If it makes any difference to you, he's different. He wanted to come back to you. And Vox Machina is here. To help him fix it when he fucks up. Like today."

Grog drains his ale. Mouth feels awfully dry after a speech like that.

"I came, didn't I?" Her face has gone slack, the tension draining out. "Even after all he's done to me, I came."

He nods. In silence, the barkeep comes over to refill both their mugs, and just as quietly backs away, as if afraid now to intrude. Grog thinks he looks a little apologetic, even. Good. Kid deserves a lot of apologies.

"He's exactly what I thought he would be." She doesn't drink, just stares into the murky liquid. "And he's also nothing like I thought he would be. I just…keep hoping. For something. I don't know what."

"So stay," he says. "And find out. Or leave, and make your own family."

She glances up at him, eyes searching. If she's looking for answers, it's the wrong face to turn to. He only has commiseration, understanding. That'll have to do.

"So that's why you're with these people." A furrow forms between her brows. "What, they never disappoint you? Hurt you?"

"Nah, they do. But they try to fix it." He shrugs his massive shoulders. "Better than before."

There's no drinking in this silence. She seems to mull it over, a good long while—or maybe the ale has sufficiently clouded her mind at last.

"Well," she says, finally. "I guess that's something."

He clears his throat. "Thank you," he tells her. "For coming. For helping. He's my family, too. I know you're a tough bard, only in it for yourself, and all that, but…thanks anyway."

She laughs—so loud and bright and abrupt that the barkeep startles and drops his book, and the drunk back in the corner falls off his chair with a loud thump. "Don't get sappy," she says, even though the glint in her eyes looks more like a tear than flint. "Hey, what do those knuckles of yours do, anyway?"

He glances down at them, and—for the second time that day—pulls them off. "Want to find out?"

In retrospect, maybe not one of his smarter ideas. Vex is upset with him about pulling from their funds to pay for the damages, and the barkeep looks on him with exasperation every time he passes through the tavern for the next month.

But it's for family. Grog would do just about anything for family.