#me when i cant draw constantly and forever

[catwyk]

im doing my damnedest to avoid burning out for the third in as many months, so im taking some time on this one. unfortunately i will die without making my silly wee posts so expect wips i guess!!

[todayisafridaynight]

everyday i constantly think of masato's wheelchair and if that's his only one/main one no wonder he's so pissed at everyone

[defness]

you really need to study anatomy, your art is declining in quality RAPIDLY. i'm not saying this to be mean, but all of your art looks like the same fetish piece.

Errm. I kinda fuck w the way my art looks tho

[devotedlystrangewizard]

"i thought ur antidepressants were supposed to help you" really hits different when you know they are helping! but also autistic burnout looks almost the same (vent in tags oops)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for separating my boyfriend from his family⁉️⁉️

My boyfriend is not perfect by any means but when it comes to how shitty his family is to him, he is an absolute saint of patience. His mom pretty much uses him as her personal servant and cleaning crew, and she also forces him to be the parent & bad guy to his little brother. And whenever his little brother gets mad at him, his brother and his mom will talk shit about him like. In the same room as him directly in front of him. I know it happens because I have heard it. His dad treats him like he's a stupid little child, while also trying to convince my boyfriend to continue living with his shitty mother and brother, despite my boyfriend being a fully grown man who pays bills.

If its not clear, I hate these people. Its a miracle from the lord above that my boyfriend ended up even slightly well adjusted. The issue is that these people are his only family. His mom cut off her whole side of the family, and his dad's side is all in the middle of Mexico so my boyfriend cant visit them often and doesn't have much of a connection with them.

Him and I have been together for 3 years, and we are planning our future, most notably planning on living together here soon. He has been slowly learning not to tell his parents things, because everything turns into an argument, but he told them about us planning on moving out together, and it was a whole thing. They tried to demand that, instead, I move into his house with him and his mom and his brother so that he doesn't "end up in debt forever". Also in retaliation, his mom has been extra demanding, as if she's implying she can't survive without him (she can, she's fine, not disabled just shitty).

Here's where I may be the asshole. My boyfriend refuses to set boundaries, because he doesn't want to lose access to his only family. In return, I have been setting my own boundaries around his family. All of these boundaries limit their access to me, and my boyfriend and I's future home, and thus limit their access to my boyfriend whenever him and I move in together and start our own lives together.

I don't want him to cut his family off, because I know his family is very important to him.

So I am drawing defined boundaries to outline, hey, I'm not spending any time with these people! And I sure as shit don't want his slob mom & brother, or his shitty dad, in my house!

Every time he gets in a fight with either of them, also, I go out of my way to stress as much as I can to him that the way they're treating him is not normal. And I've been putting him in situations where he spends more and more time with me and my parents, so he has an example of how normal parents treat their adult children, instead of how his parents treat him.

I should note that he has agreed to most of the things I've said. Some hesitantly, but I do think he's starting to realize that I'm right. I'm just worried that I'm the asshole for constantly pushing him.

So, AITA for trying to separate my boyfriend from his family⁉️

[luclipse85art]

hi how do you draw digitally?? i cant make half decent digital art to save my life 😭

Hey there! For the record, I had this one in my inbox for a while now, and wasn't sure how to answer this one. Straightforward answer: - Open Proceate/Clip Studio Paint - Sketch what I want - Ink the outlines - Color it, and constantly scream WHY DO I EVEN HAVE THAT LAYER?! when I keep messing up and keep fixing it LOL - Use a clipping layer above the Base Colors layer and just play around with my shading. Seriously, just play around and see what works - Add whatever finishing touches you'd like, some white highlights n' such. sparkles, etc. -Call it a day Long format answer:

Honestly, my instinct when I get these kinds of questions is "My Name is LuClipse85 and Welcome to My Tutorial" LOL But I swear that'll take me forever to make!

Seriously though, look up as MANY tutorials and tips online or in books, and practice. I'm going to sound VERY old-school, but you have to keep working at it and never quit if you want to improve. Take breaks, scream in a pillow, stare at the wall if you have to sometimes, but DO NOT QUIT! Keep at it! Good Luck!

[pumpkinsy0]

Can we get more hc's of curly helping pony with his seasonal depression? I love these two so much and your headcanons give me LIFE

WOOOOO HURT/COMFORT YEAAAAA RAHHHHHH

•ponys seasonal depression is like, whatever time was where his parents died, and i say that time and not where johnny and dally died bc generally speaking, ponys healing from their deaths, however id say when it comes to his parents deaths, he never rlly talks about it that much and kinda sweeps it under these other things???idk how to explain it

•BUT id say that pony never actually took the time to heal from his parents dying bc sm happened and at some point it kinda just hit him hard

NOW ONTO CURLY HELPING WOOO

•he did notice some differences in pony around the time but he thought that it would pass, and it did, but it always came back, he noticed that pattern

•as much as curly would love to go outside and fuck around to make pony happy, idk i think he’d respect that he just doesnt wanna go outside constantly, sometimes pony just wants to lay down and who is he to hate on that

•even when they go outside its nothing too crazy, its to just take a walk or sit in the porch or somethin, gotta get pony some air, cant stay in that stuffy room forever

•curly WILL be taking pony to visit his parents grave, its the least he can do for the grieving guy

•took pony to get some flowers and whatever else he wanted to get to decorate their grave, no jokes or nothin, he really didnt even know what to say to pony to cheer him up

•curly didnt go to the curtis parents’ funeral and therefore didnt rlly get to say his final words to em, so to like to imagine that to help pony in whatever way it does that he talks to em and get what he has to say out, maybe it was to encourage pony to do the same

•he brings pony lil gifts like a cool postcard he stole or a lil trinket

•he lets pony talk about the small things his parents used to do w him, he wasnt that close to them like darry and soda was, but he did have his moments

•ponys mom had a recipe book on top of the cupboard and curly would try to make some of the foods, key word try, he somehow burnt em a lil but its the thought that counts

•pony would mention to curly how he was kind of starting to forget small things about his parents, like how they laughed, how they smelled, that sorta thing, and so curly would VENTURE out to find small things that could remind pony about his parents

•he also got pony to draw his parents for the first time in a while, so he wouldnt forget more what they looked like and he can look back on it

•ALSO YES, he is making sure pony eats something, but its not rlly like a full dinner, maybe something like mac and cheese, something small and simple

UNRELATED, but hc that darrys room is actually just his parents room, darrys barely redecorated it himself bc hes actually so distraught over them still and that room is like a time capsule, thats kinda why nobody ever rlly goes into darrys room, especially pony, they dont wanna be reminded of who used to be there

[tanasha-not-yet]

Whats your favourite fish. Or your top 3 favs

im really not a fish pro as i claim to be but i certainly have favs. may be a bit corny, but they deserve attention and they will get it

1. OARFISH or king of the herrings (or queen♥️)

• big girl

• looks scary As Fuck (panik)

• but shes actually harmless and can't even move fast (kalm)

• but if you see a big one near the shoreline it means that the sea is getting hella stormy bc nothing aside from poseidon himself can bring This up (panik)

• the way she swims is kinda goofy, shes so long that sometimes she just waves w her dosal fin and thinks that's enough. girl is doing The Bare Minimum and honestly? productivity is overrated.

nothing can beat oarfish for me, though marine life is fascinating and here are other fishies that deserve attention

top 3 lil aquarium bois:

1. glofish. i remember seeing a giant vertical aquarium with these in the zoo when i was little and it probably changed me forever. they somehow managed to put the thing that makes jellyfish glow in their regular fish - im telling you, GLOfish is not just a name.

2. gourami. when we had axolotls we also had these baddies in the aquarium with them. they may seem pretty regular when you google them, but they are literally aliens. their ventral fins are long and thin and honestly pretty useless for swimming ig.... they use their fins... to touch things. have you ever seen a fish with arms. it was magic for little me.

3. ghost glass catfish. wish i saw them irl, unfortunately i only came across it when i googled the references for subnautica spices. they're described as energetic social guys, and damn i Wish there was a way to light an aquarium to make them shoot rainbows from time to time. sometimes the variety of catfish forms fascinates me, like they all have whiskers but they're soo different! we had little spotted catfish that liked hanging on the walls and an adhd shark catfish who was constantly swimming from side to side (ig they need it to make their gills move, same as sharks) but there are so much more including giant ones even.

top 3 deepsea esoteric bimbos:

1. barreleyes. idk which particular spices is the one from the pic, they all are quite similar for me bc i haven't spent much time researching. they all are equally gorgeous cousins for me. no comments. you knew i would put it here; i knew i would put it here; she deserves to be displayed and cherished. they say she can move her pretty eyes but i haven't found any good footage. the concept kinda reminds me of that squid w one big eye for looking down and one little eye for looking up. they are very.. direction oriented girls, tho there is a spices that looks forward w her barrel eyes.

2. goblin shark. they're just a lil person. a lil sib. not very photogenic, their photos are quite creepy but the video of their attack may actually be the best illustration to the word 'ñom' ive ever seen. they goofy. look at them. just caught a fishy and pretend it's not them. they make me feel Emotions

3. snailfish. ive watched a bunnch of whalefall vids but i don't remember the decomposers being fish? like usually they're some mollusks like octopi, or mb crabs or worms. but apparently i missed these guys, they looked pretty fishy, i checked them and boom. snailfish. these bros do the important job of cleaning the bottom. pretty boys, it's a pity that i haven't discovered them earlier. i usually don't like the boney deepsea gulper eels or anglerfish so it's nice to see such pretty creatures down there. also poor crabs lol, these fish lay eggs in them :(

top 3 beautiful 'regular' fishies

1. gobys!!! damn himbos, they cant find a way without a map and they have no pens to draw maps so they are disoriented ! found one in a dolphin's skull, he was legitimately like 'where exit :('

2. ruffs!!! i didn't even dare touch the adult versions, even lils are so sharp 😭 i get you bbg i get you. they have sharp spines and they are Mad at you all the time. i connect with them on a deeper level.

3. me. im a nice fish.

[trickstarbrave]

WIP Whenever

hiiiii i got tagged by @boethiahspillowbook

this is what i got so far on the azura and nerevar piece. not much further bc im still trying to figure out shading and how i want it to be. oof. also unsure abt azura's halo fsr it just looks.... off on her. and i think i wanna make some of the blood a brighter red to tie in together with all the rest of the red. lots of things im considering...

also for written wips. uh.

unfortunately i only have the. fucking cursed omegaverse nerevoryn im working on. once again never consider anything as like a joke or ironically that is the devil talking and you will start doing things for real.

in my defense though omegaverse is such a wild concept that trying to go "okay but seriously how would this work in a society and why would it be this way" is actually entertaining. very fun to go "yes, and...." over and over. oh, fated mates exist? what if they weren't just a cheesy soulmates thing but had a logical explanation. how would these dynamics effect various social classes? how would different cultures be effected? i have world builder's disease clearly

ALSO i tag anyone who hasnt been tagged yet and wants to :> i cant keep up with which of my mutuals have been tagged or not.... let me see ur ideas pls

--

“... In all honesty,” The healer began, sounding exacerbated, “I have never seen a case like this in all my years. But there is only one answer I can come to based on everything else.”

“Go on.” Nerevar tried to keep his voice level rather than annoyed. Azura knows how terrified most people got when he was angry. 

The healer pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“How familiar are you with fated mates?” At her question, Nerevar froze, stunned, before he gave a loud bark of laughter. The healer, however, did not laugh or smile back, and instead only looked more resolute. 

“... Be serious with me.” 

“I am being serious, Lord Nerevar.” 

“Are you--are you seriously trying to say Voryn is my--”

“I understand how strange it sounds at first.” The healer cut him off. “Typically when someone meets their fated mate they determine it quickly. It only takes a few heat or rut cycles before the draw is undeniable.” She sighed once again. “I can only assume because you knew Lord Dagoth before either of you presented, the draw was less noticeable.” 

It kind of made sense, to a degree. When people wrote about fated mates it was usually that they had a scent that was undeniable. Even passing by them on the street, you couldn’t get the scent out of your head for days on end, trying to find it again and again. Even those who tried to deny it couldn’t refuse the pull forever; heats and ruts were unbearable, the longing overwhelming the pair. No one had ever recorded an account of a fated pair who knew each other prior to presenting though; fated mates were absurdly rare, after all. They were more common in fiction than real life, and only the most hopeless of romantics ever went out actually looking for one. Most people just found a mate they liked rather than chase after some destined person, and why fated mates even existed was a mystery. Did everyone have one but distance kept them from finding one? That didn’t seem likely; the most common belief was that some people were born with them--not many members of the population, anyways--and even fewer actually found their ‘other half’. Someone meeting a fated mate before presenting, when you were children not off exploring the wider world yet, was even more unlikely. How would you react if you could constantly smell and see them before either of you presented?

Dumac told him the dwemer scholars believed it had something to do with ‘reproductive compatibility’. Not that it was a mystical, god given connection like some believed, but rather those with a fated partner were less compatible with most of the population, so when they did find someone they could produce children with easily, the desire to mate was enhanced strongly. Nerevar didn’t know if he liked that explanation either though. He found the ideas the gods made destined partners to love each other forever as too romantic of an idea for reality yes, but presuming there must be something wrong with them wasn’t much better. 

It didn’t seem likely that he and Voryn could just ignore the draw for decades though, right? Surely that wouldn’t be possible. The draw was supposed to be strong, impossible to deny past a certain point.

Sure, when he was younger and Voryn was in a rut he always came by to check on him before he was shooed away, but that was just boredom. And when he was in heat Voryn would pass him notes under the door from time to time that he’d bury in the nests he made, but that was just because being in heat made him feel sensitive and sappy. Nothing more. And shouldn’t there be something more if they were a fated pair?

“Your other symptoms make me more certain of it.” The healer continued, pulling him from his thoughts.

“How so?” Nerevar raised an eyebrow. 

“It isn’t healthy for an unmated omega to be around an alpha in rut.” She replied, a fact that always made Nerevar roll his eyes. “It causes excess stress, even if it doesn’t trigger a heat. Unless you are drawn to the alpha in question as a potential partner, usually a rut is off putting, distressing, or nauseating for an unmated omega.”

“They’ve never bothered me to that extent.” Nerevar snarked.

“Precisely.” She locked eyes with him. “You handle it more akin to an omega who’s already been mated, despite not having the scent of one.” Nerevar tensed at that. He hadn’t thought of it like that in the slightest; why would he? He wasn’t mated. Anyone could smell on him that he wasn’t. “Those who have met a fated partner experience mated behaviors before the bond is even set. Rejecting other suitors, unbothered by others in a heat or rut,” She sighed. “Lord Vivec even explained you are giving off the same scent as a bonded omega whose mate is absent.” Nerevar’s cheeks flushed at that. 

“That’s--” Nerevar tensed slightly, “I wouldn’t go that far.” Surely Nerevar wasn’t. He wasn’t fucking bonded, why would he be throwing out the same scent as an omega who went into heat, begging for their mate to come tend to them? 

“You are.” She asserted, though she did have some sympathy in her gaze at least. “Unfortunately, the best I can do is, if you truly don’t want the bond, I can give you suppressants. They won’t actively stop it given you already went into heat, but they should calm some of the worst side effects.” Nerevar already knew what she was going to say next though. “But your next one will be much of the same. The side effects will continue to worsen.” Short of running away to the other side of the continent and burning anything he owned that Voryn had ever so much as touched, he would be able to smell Voryn faintly, after all. In the palace, on his belongings, anywhere Voryn had been might trigger the worst of the symptoms all over again now that he had a heat triggered by his rut no doubt. 

“At the very least, Lord Dagoth is in control of his emotions.” Voryn’s eyebrow twitched at that, his arms tightening. “You can spent ruts and heats together without actually mating, until you come to a decision on how to proceed. It should alleviate both of your struggles.” 

Shit, Nerevar hadn’t even considered what Voryn must be going through. Was his irritation and lack of eating because he subconsciously knew Nerevar was supposed to be his but wasn’t there by his side? When he was younger was that out of character, violent rage because he knew, right there in the stronghold, his mate was being kept from him? No doubt the next rut Voryn would be uncontrollable; before he could hold back because he wasn’t consciously aware of what he wanted, but now that he knew it was Nerevar… 

[veni-vidi-vici-ous]

wow look at him his name is globby and i draw him a lot when i dont know how to do math hes the king of math hes like from the dimension where numbers come from

have you ever wondered why 5=5? where does the concept of a so called ‘five’ come from? what is a fucking number?

globby knows and hes actually made of the concept of imaginary numbers, you know things made of negative square roots and he has flower eyes cause i draw him and i like making flowers so thats why his eyes are like that

how simple can he be drawn but still maintain his essence? how much of a person is needed to make them who they are?

if we change your hair you are still you, every seven years each cell in your body is different from the ones you had seven years ago. yet you maintain yourself its a strange thing to think about, cause where exactly does the thing called you exist

is it a soul? or the pathways you’ve carved through your brain? are lobotomy patients the same people after as they were before do they even share the same memories?

and do you share the same memories with you when you were like 6? well no.

six year old you can remember things you cant about 5 year old you, and six year old you, but you now can remmeber things about seven year old you that you at six cant even imagine

this is cause we know we’ve moved forward in time when we can remember more things than we could before, in general anyway. we experience the universe as it is now and in a minute i will know more about the future if it than i can know right now.

so is it your memories that make up you? if we took out your hippocampus would you be who you are? we would still call you by the same name, you look the same from the outside, yet your perception is forever changed. you cant remember things about what you like or dislike, or what you believe in maybe. who are you then?

what if we switched bodies, my brain your body, your brain in mine? who’s who then? cause people who knew me would look at you ans think ‘max’ but people you knew would look at me and think you even though we are fundamentally different in our brain wiring

or what about if we swapped out cell for cell? one cell from you switches with one cell from me until we are completely swapped out, at what point do i become you and you me?

what even are we? we’re people we do things we live and exist and interact with each other, but we are also a glob of cells in a shape, which in turn are made up of atoms held together and those atoms are made of elementary particles and who knows if those divide down further… we are globs of matter with sentience (whatever that means) and our matter is constantly changing and our minds are changing so what even is you?

we seemingly grapple with the sense of our ego (being ourselves) like a wet bar of soap, and the tighter we squeeze it the more often it slides from our grip… and to have ego death is to forget the soap completely and just be but like even then you are still a person who is you. this is all so weird im confused help me

[ima-ghost-art]

CATS ships mating dances as my favourite strictly come dancing dances!!

That may or may not just be basically all of John and Johannes dances (pls dont judge me these are mostly mlm ships and I feel it best represents them plus they are all amazing!!)

(Inspired by this post!) Prepare bc ima dive head first into this and it will be long lol

__

There is no doubt in my mind now that tugoffelees would do a Rumba like This !!! Like the slow deliberate motions that were literally MADE to show eachother off while still taking their own places in the spotlight. A rumba isnt like either of their natural, preferred ways of dancing, but instead a dance that amplifies the emotions that are rarely ever seen infont of the tribe.

Tuggers deep caring side (that we see the moment after misto brings back old doot) is now fully on display for the tribe to see, showing how out of everything, this is who he found and he doesnt have eyes for anyone else, and this fact is something he knows he will never question.

On the other hand we see Mistoffelees, the dance displaying his talents perfectly, hes literally holding the spotlight on them as he shows the tribe that he can lean on Tugger, and without having to look, knows the other tom is right there, ready to support him and lead him if hes anxious, and vise versa.

NOT TO MENTION THE SONG!!! literally just them saying they are not together for popularity nor magical prowess bc they know they are more than that!

_____

Next up is a lil crazy one but hear me out- Misto x Macavity is hands down This Paso Doble and I will fight you on it! THE POWER in every movement, the dance playing out as a fight because that's what their relationship is, in the best way possible!!!

You have these two incredibly powerful cats, who have always and forever will be, even between lives, connected by the same erratic destructive beautiful force of nature, and as much as they clash and make chaos, always in a never ending fight to see who's the best, but its because of that that they cant help getting drawn to eachother.

In the dance they are constantly drawing the other closer while also pushing away. They mirror eachothers movements while also dancing as the others oposit, an ongoing to and through. They keep switching who's leading as if its battle to be the one in control!!!!

Not to mention THE LIGHTING ITS SELF!!!! A gorgeous show of their emotions crazed and all over the place while still keeping order (plus a fun lil misto glittersplosion at the end!)

_____

Okay this ones for the inspo of this post @afairytalestray and what I think for Coricojerries dance since their stuff basically convinced me this is arguably one of the best ships ever!!

Now I wasnt sure at first, like tugoffelees they are two very different people with very different dance style but when I tell you when i found this dance?? I became pretty sold I found it!!

First off the song?? When I think of coricojerrie my mind always thinks at how they are each one of a twin with vastly different life experiences yet they both still feel like lonely souls of london that found a home in eachother! Even with their sisters theres just something that separates them from the girls and the rest of the junkyard, but that didn't stop them from gaining an unquestioned place next to eachother!!

In the dance, they start off unsure, still a little lost but then the FIND eachother!!! In this uncanny contemporary dance that manages to mix in jerries acrobatics and acting into it, blending into something unconventional but THEM!!!!

They use each to get through life like they get through the dance, with the mix of physic powers and someone who had only really known a life of crime, the lead and lift eachother, and even if others think they are weird or annoying, they end heads held high and ready to support eachother!!

_____

Last but not least (for this post at least bc it's getting heckin long oops) ALONZOSTAP!!! I love these boys ma dudes okay and that why I cant deny my heart when i think of this show dance as their dance!

The sweet sweet mix between the tender I love you moments, to the fun showy bits that let's their personalities shine???? Them coming together at the beginning, letting how my they care for eachother come first, only to burst into something exiting and fun that's ever so slightly out of their comfort zones while still representing the laughter they bring to eachother!!

There is no denying that these two are both showmen at heart, just in different ways. Munk strives to tell the storys that teach the next generation, while Alonzo is more seeking the thrill of showing off and dancing because he knows he looks good because it feels good.

So together they are able to combine their loves if performing, dancing for the hell of it while also showing and teaching the younger cats what love is and how its supposed to make you feel! The intense moment where they show that the are the protectors of the tribe, that they are strong and that being who you are and loving someone intensely dosent take away your power but makes you stronger!!!

_____

Now that's finally out of my head hears a couple extra that I either cant explain/ make obvious sence lol

Dont ask but this gives me young and fresh new dads skimblegus and I live for it!!!

Also we all know this is like, canon Platora

Also also this is literally like a sceen from my royal tugoffelees au I'm writing lol!!

If anyone wants more weird strictly cats dance rants give me ships and I'll try and do another post for them :D

[waxingrunes]

what are your thoughts on tracing ? because im fairly new to digital art and i’ve been trying to draw this truck forever now and i cant !! but i cant help but feel that if if i trace its cheating ?? but like also fuck that because art is art but some people can be really mean about it.

I’ll be really transparent with you here and you might not like my answer for that fact.

Firstly, as a beginner (I’ll circle back to this later in my answer) you do whatever you need to do in order to get comfortable with your style and learn. Trace the truck, trace whatever you need to and evolve and adapt as you go, I’m rooting for you newbie.

To answer on a greater scope, I’m very much of the mindset that this place is a stupid little ‘community’ for us to all enjoy no matter what you like or do or don’t do, or to what level. No piece of art created within this fandom space is up for exhibition in the Tate, none of it is up for marking or comparison, etc and should be created however you want to create it. Nothing here is that deep at the end of the day and every single one of us should be here to enjoy the same fictional characters no matter what.

All this being said I will be honest and say, I know for fact one or two artists here trace and make out it’s ‘100% their own’ and some of this stuff is so painfully obvious it’s traced, it makes me wildly confused when the hoards of ‘talent’ comments pour through. I hate this part of me that twists in annoyance because the other half up there ^ wants to throat punch me for it. What pains me about it, I think, is when people will claim one thing to be true when it’s not. They don’t have to make a big show out of it or how/where their materials are coming from, I’m not asking for a dedicated paragraph every time with cited sources and images, just be a bit more honest and transparent about where your shit’s coming from. If that’s AI, amazing, just don’t pass it off as your own. If that’s tracing, nothing wrong with that, just don’t churn out piece after agonising piece and say “I only use references” when it’s eye-wateringly clear that’s not the case. If I see it, I won’t be mean about it, just suffer in silence. And if the topic comes up amongst people I trust I’ll pass my opinion between those safe walls, as I don’t advocate for unwarranted, uninvited public criticism.

I don’t want to discourage anybody from learning to draw digitally through tracing because we all start somewhere. I’m pretty certain I had a sketchbook in the womb with me and have drawn humans/bodies/animals/basically living forms for a long time, but anything else like trees, buildings, furniture, scenery (this fucking car I’m trying to draw for the next piece) I suck at and absolutely despise doing. It bores me, but as a personal choice I won’t turn to tracing because I want my art to be consistent (-ly shit) over suddenly perfect. I don’t think I’m superior for making that choice and am not saying you suck for wanting to trace because honestly, I am constantly oscillating between ‘it ain’t that serious’ and ‘I just wish people would be more honest’.

I’m still going bet you regret fucking asking! Basically I’ll never be a dick about it if I see it or someone tells me, ‘hey I trace!’ Because good for you, give us the good shit, give us the characters and pairings we want in that form and I’ll eat it up just like the rest of us because we’re starved. But yeah, food for future thought maybe.

[nerves-nebula]

what made your first year of college so much worse than the second?

godddd where do i even start. Complaining goes under the cut cuz it’s too damn long.

8 hour studios 3 times a week that start at 8 AM and only break for lunch. one of the professors expected us to stand the entire time we were drawing and only sit when we went on break. plus homework for those studios, because each studio was a different foundational class. and on the days when you dont have those studios you got other foundational classes like art history and literature or something. you've got homework for all of these classes too and tests and everything.

and each studio being a different class is a huge issue and really frustrating as well. the classes are drawing, design and, like, basically a 3D class, right? where you use power tools and carve stuff and all that. But imagine you go to this school for painting or to make clothes, then the three foundational classes might just really bore and frustrate you. because you don't really feel like they're helping you gain any skills in your preferred major.

so you have all these artistic kids who want to do their best, being forced to do things they hate and being told it's to make us "more well rounded." (which dont get me wrong i understand, but that doesnt make it suck any less)

so all the art you make is painful to create, and you don't even like the result. but we knew what we signed up for, and the point is to last past first year so you can get into your major. thats the point for me, at least. so you just get what you can done, but i cant imagine what I would've done if i'd fallen behind even once.

And then my own personal hell- being in a new place and not knowing what to do or who to talk to or how to communicate ! So i was constantly stressed out in like a social way. idk if i vented about this here but i fell over in a fit of anxiety and hyperventilation in class multiple times first year. I straight up fell over at least twice and i had crying fits multiple times (with varying degrees of how quiet I was being, sometimes they don't even notice :D)

I was incredibly emotionally isolated and cried myself to sleep like every night. my only social interactions were at work because I'm very bad at socializing properly and making friends in class, and i was always too tired to go to any events. LUCKY for me I met a really cool friend while doing some student work and it was really nice and chill.

ANYWAY BACK TO THE STRESS. to give an example of the situation: our first homework for drawing class was to make this big ink master copy of a van gogh sketch, and it didn't have to be perfect, or even GOOD tbh, but regardless it took forever. and i spilled my ink on it which nearly led to a breakdown but instead i just laughed cause otherwise I'd go insane. the amount of podcasts and audiobooks i burned through that year just to keep myself sane was mind-numbing. i listened to, no joke, ALL of Well There's Your Problem, and i went back and listened to a lot of them more than once.

i was really lucky though, cause some other students had first projects that were like "bring in 50 drawings by next class" or "make a chair out of only cardboard that you can sit on without it collapsing" or something. and i never had a teacher that bad.

actually, my second semester design professor was really REALLY chill. He let me sleep in class if i finished the work so I spent a few hours in his class just chilling and sleeping fitfully (as in I was so stressed i would gasp and mutter myself awake, which really alarmed my classmates but i never got close enough to them to explain myself soooo they prolly just think something is wrong with me. which it is! oh well)

i can only speak for myself but i was basically working any moment i wasn't sleeping, eating, shitting, or showering. somehow other people made time to befriend each other and hang out and like, go to parties??? i dont know how. Frankly I don't even remember how i did what i did either, specifically I reached out to my college's mental health services and got on some medication for anxiety. I also somehow managed to write an essay for our student published thingy about how I wanted to kms and felt unsupported by mental health professionals lmao.

I have NO IDEA how i did any of that because this year i kept falling asleep for five hours in the middle of the day. my theory is that I got more done because I physically HAD TO STAY AWAKE. I COULD NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO FAIL.

I was so stressed out the first year that I often couldn't sleep without hugging my giant elephant stuffed animal or using it as a comforting weight on top of me. one morning i woke up hyperventilating and went to go cut a huge role of paper at like 6 AM because i was so worried about forgetting to cut the paper before i left before class at 8 AM.

so yeah, my theory is that since second year wasn't that insanely stressful, all those hours i spent eking out any artistic joy possible (making owl house comics, writing that essay, and painting my clothing) just to make sure i didn't kms were replaced instead with me just falling asleep at inopportune times, because I wasn't as scared that I wouldn't have time for my work.

OH MY GOD AND FIRST YEAR I GOT PUT IN TWO CONSECUTIVE GROUP PROJECTS WITH THIS ABSOLUTE MONSTER- but that could be its entire own post. suffice it to say that he had been reported multiple times for various things and one of my classmates recognized who i was talking about just from me vaguely complaining about how much i hated him.

anyway im sure there's even more that i forgot about but to be honest i think i've explained enough.

[metukika]

ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

[astroosamu]

Imma just leave this here as like..a bio type thing✨️

It'll be edited and added to I the future so-😅

Feel free to ask questions🌸

This is just somethings I think you should know about me when interacting😁

Do what you will with this🦋👍

Name: Astro! I do not go by any other name unless you ask or it's been established (like on discord)

Pronouns: it/they/them! Either works just as well, I'll often say they/them but it works too

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FAVORITES!

Animal: Raccoons!! I LOVE Raccoons sooo much!

Color: Purple! Specifically a color called Dioxazine! It looks a lot like this;

Drink: Orange juice or Cranberry juice!

Food to Make: (Chicken) Fried rice!

Comfort Food: : (Chicken) Fried rice! That's why I learned how to make it. 😋

Fruit/Vegetable: Zucchini. Raw Zucchini. I don't know why. 🥒

Desert: Chocolate Lava Cake! 🌋

Scent(s): Eucalyptus/Mint!

TV Show: I'm loving The Owl House and Varian and the 7 Kingdoms rn! 💜

But I am forever loyal to Gravity Falls! 🤞

Book: The Maze Runner series! Also happens to be my favorite movie series, but they are VERY different story lines. 😅

Game: Little Nightmares! I'm waiting on the next game 😭

Season: Winter! I LOVE the snow, it usedto be so pretty ❄️❄️

Quote: "I will not water myself down to make myself more digestible for you. You can choke." (Oo so edgy🤫)

Sweet: I like center Brownies 😋

Holiday: Halloween!🎃 I think you could tell🥲

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Fun Facts!/Things you may wanna know

1. I have Adhd, and am trying to get an autism/'accommodations necessary' diagnosis

It leads to a bunch of my other personality traits 😅

2. I am constantly changing my romantic preference

I don't have a good reason, I just cant figure it out 😅

Segway

3. I'm incredibly indecisive

If you ask me something, I will have the hardest time answering you, all of the time, give me a few minutes, I swear I'm thinking

4. I'm am incredibly passive

I will do anything to avoid conflict 🥲

If it means not answering, I probably won't.

Not if you asked me directly, I'll answer that, but I won't put in my ideas on if you weren't talking directly to me, and I'm not supper sure of my answer

I will also keep very passive tones to the words I choose, and use emojis a lot so I'm not misunderstood like; 🌸✨️🦋✌️👍🌈👏❄️💙

5. I have a starch love starch

Pasta, rice, potatoes, (when I was a kid, paper), and more, are my absolute favorite things to eat. I used to eat straight corn starch, and it was delicious 🥲

6. I like to;

draw, paint, act, sing, play volleyball, do cosmetics

7. I have a cat

He's an orange tabby, aka a velcro cat, he is the most loving cat I've ever seen, he's also very fat (not unhealthy, but a chunk of a child😌😙)

8. I LOVE lights

The sky, the stars, holiday lights, lightning, etcetera💜

9. I have two older siblings🐄🦊 and other people I love a lot

Jay🐄💜, Brooke🦊💜, David🍉💜, Aiden✨️💜, Amata🐺💜, Noct🦦💜, Kia🐼💜

They know who they are, just wanted to mention them💜 I love you guys so so much!

https://www.tumblr.com/astroosamu/769453104695574529/i-use-these-tone-tags-alot-i-have-problems-with?source=share

This is important here, not sure how to link it the right way though 😅❄️

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That's all I have for now! Thanks for listening to me yap✨️🦋

[buriedclown]

I do my little drawings. I play my games. I do everything i can to distract myself. But none of it matters.

Ivarious sits next to me every second he can. Holding my hand. And yet says nothing. Nobody says anything. Not even the arrogant god beside me has anything. Everythings wrong. My memories merged and confused. Hurting.

I just want someone to say something. Anyone. Please. Just stop looking at me like that. And say something. Please.

Qasle tries to keep a smile as always but even he cant do that right now. Technically im his fiance. Me and loki just stare at eachother. Unsure. Scared. None of us know what to do. I miss Maunder. I miss everyone. I miss HOME.

And yet i dont.

I have no time to grieve. No time to accept whats coming. I just have to hold my head high and keep moving. I have to support those two. I have to get ready for uni. I have to host. Dont get me wrong i want to be host still. Its just. hard right now.

I dont get to grieve.

Im trying to be normal about it all but i cant. Ifor holding me from behind on the floor sends me spiralling. Seesels voice confusing me expecting to hear hers after it. My ribs constantly aching if i move too much. My head constantly bleeding. The once scar on my hand now open outside. Forever.

I know this is upsetting to the others too. Im misremembering things, not remembering. Its upsetting that i cant do anything to stop that upset i know its causing. Theres nothing i can do.

And im sorry. Im sorry for everything that might happen. Im sorry i cant fix this. Im sorry i cant. Just be your luna again. Im sorry. I wish i could take all of your hurt and just. Get rid of it.

But how can i do that when i cant even deal with my own.

This body is dead. And yet i can still feel it dying. I cant fix my ribs. I cant fix my hand. I cant fix my head. I cant fix any of it.

Im sorry.