#me vs inner me

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

me: what if. what if i held hims hand,,

inner me: He wouldn't want to hold your hand. He'd hate you. You would get on his nerves so fucking much. You're annoying as fuck, he would hate being near you anymore than is absolutely necessary. If he knew you were drawing, or even THINKING about him holding your hand, he would be disgusted with you. You're the worst. Shut the fuck up.

me: ah. right

[inksandpensblog]

Betrayal of Memory

“I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you got him to fight for you.”

He had no retort. He’d been trying not to think about that, honestly, but he couldn’t brush it off in the name of urgency forever. The fact stood that he’d recruited the very stick who had taken the life of his only friend, and—

“And he tried to tell you, even. Heh. He actually knew. He knew he couldn’t. But you didn’t care. Did you? You stayed to watch, I’ll grant you that, but if you actually—”

Wait, what?

“How could you do that?”

…did Dark care about…surely not, Second had killed him, what cause did he have to care—

“How could you do that to me?! How could you hide behind someone who doesn’t understand what they’re up against? How could you send someone else out, alone, to fight your battles for you? How could you throw him into an impossible fight on your behalf!?”

…oh.

“How low have you fallen? At least I had the decency to hide behind my own two arms!”

[knichii]

OK. does anyone else feel irritated that eng dub seems to be favoured in mha? in edits, in fics, it's clear most people watched dub and idk it's been rlly grinding my gears.

okay, to get this out the way, I don't like mha's eng dub. I don't like any of them. half don't fit their characters, 75% of the time the tone lands forced and awkward, and its literally just unbearable for me to watch I'm sorry. I have this issue with a lot of anime and cartoons so this isn't solely a my hero problem, but this is definitely the most severely I've disliked a dub. and yet I cannot escape it.

one of my biggest issues is the nuance that's lost in translation. anyone with any familiarity with the Japanese language will know what I mean. list of examples:

HONORIFICS

1. iida refers to class 1-A with '-kun'

2. yaoyorozu refers to class 1-A with '-san'

3. asui refers to class 1-A with '-chan'

3. deku with '-kun' (m) & '-san' (f)

that says SO MUCH about their characters, how they view their relationships, how they view themselves,, but in dub?? all of that's lost. ESP the significance of deku still calling bkg 'kacchan'. [simplified, '-chan' is used for cute/endearing things. it stemmed from children mispronouncing '-san', and became a childish, cutesy way of calling someone, usually someone you're VERY familiar with. it implies a shocking ammount of intimacy] thru years of bullying, all the rocks and straight up non existent road of their relationship, deku STILL calls him 'kacchan', the ONLY one allowed to do so ("but kaminari--" NEENAWNEENAWNEENAW).

in eng dub it gets reduced to a mere nickname, lacking all of its weight.

another thing is bakugou sub vs dub (...)

URGGGGGGHHHH

the most recent example is when bkg says "of course you pulled it off, Icyhot." (I forgot the context tho) in sub, he says "of course you pulled it off, TODOROKI".

THATS SUCH A NICHE, SUBTLE WAY OF SHOWING HIS DEVELOPMENT THATS TOSSED STRAIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. translation (manga) also has him calling his seniors 'senpai' which is... not what he says in sub????? 'senpai' indicates respect for someone your senior,,,, which. bkg would never show. (or only in EXTREMELY rare cases, MAYBE)

there's also my peeve abt names. this may be an only me issue, but I don't like it when japanese names are written in western format (e.g Izuku Midoriya)... ("this guy cannot be fr rn" unfortunately yes I am). I don't have a reason for this, and I'm aware it's niche and irrational, but I always cringe a little when I'm reading a fic, that's SET IN JAPAN, and their names are written Given Name, Family Name. emphasis on SET IN JAPAN. THEY ARE JAPANESE. THEY ARE NOT AMERICAN.

bkg's hero name. his og one which was translated to King Explosion Murder, losing all of the wit and cleverness in the jp original. this post goes into more detail and is very cool check it out

slightly irrelevant but bkg's jp va, Okamoto Nobuhiko, like. wow. the bkdk fight? the voice cracks? the ANGUISH?? the softness in his voice when bkg was abt to die (the hallucination w all might) ??? like,, wow. the emotion is so much more raw than it's conveyed in eng

I've gotten off point. point is I WISH MORE PEOPLE APPRECIATED AND WATCHED IN JP SUB. IM SCREAMING INTO THE VOID AND MY OWN VOICE IS ECHOING BACK I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.

(note: jjk was my first anime fandom so I'm probably spoiled. over there, sub seems to be favoured, barring a few iconic lines [ray chase lwk served as sukuna in the shibuya arc] and the fics, like 70% of the ones I read, used japanese honorifics and culture. in comparison, mha was a bit of a shock. the side of the fandom I washed up on is so... American??? maybe I'm in the wrong place idk. everything's just extremely white and slightly uncomfortable.)

this was a bit of a vent post,, obviously ik people are entitled to opinions (even if they're wrong), I js wanted tk if anyone else felt the same way

reading this back, I'm aware of how chronically online I am. yeah. still tho

[aliusfrater]

almost all s8 opinions regarding sam make me want to tear my hair out but what do you make of the takes that we can't really blame sam for s8, mainly not looking for dean/quitting hunting because it was "out of character"?

not just the you know who shippers who say this either btw I've seen so-called sam stans say the same

the evidence to this claim always seems to be that jared supposedly didn't like it either (which may very well be true idk the source) but I have to wonder if jared only said that or something similar because fan reactions to s8 sam began affecting him too

quite simply, i just don't agree with or enjoy interpretations that genuinely and earnestly refer to it as sam 'not looking for dean' in any context that's intended to be from sam's point of view because that's very much what dean considers it to be because he knows that he wasn't dead in the soul-had-left-his-body sense and he considers sam's adherence to his own perceived death as abandonment which is the major culprit of his own, sam's as well as the narrative's perpetuation of the idea that sam 'didn't look for him'. like this exact idea from sam's own pov is touched on in the first episode of season eight when sam is at his most confident in his independence away from his and dean's relationship:

then based on bobby's reaction to sam's own recount of dean's death to bobby in 8.19, it does seem evident to me that sam neglects to retell his own pov and he tells bobby that dean was in the same purgatory they were currently in, which is why bobby reacts with disbelief (because if you knew where he was, why didn't you attempt to save him?) and why sam's response is to bring up the previous 'agreement' he and dean had about death.

i have my own qualms about bobby's disillusionment re: the agreement as a 'non-agreement' and that he 'taught [sam] that' based on the actual events of 6.01 and the fact that bobby does indeed leave dean out of hunting at sam's will and the only plausible point at which it could have become a non-agreement is during the 6.11 and 6.12 conflict that is regaining sam's soul (without sam's consent, twice fold, but i consider soulless!sam to be more of a direct victim of being resouled than i do sam because of his active agency against it. sam's agency was preceded in his dying wishes and are therefore passive). bobby's reaction does, however, add to the already narratively skewed perspective of sam's decision where there is already that prioritisation of dean's 'didn't look for me' on account of the fact that bobby's own role as patriarch does narratively match dean's, along with bobby's position as a character who is narratively third to sam and dean's relationship (which then then bleeds into both sam's and the fandom's own interpretation of it, i think; sam also begins to doubt his decisions more which is also related to how the trials turn into his own suicidal ideation).

the conflict regarding which brother takes on the trials is very much foundational within sam's own view of a light at the end of the tunnel and his desire to leave the life and dean, at multiple points, within conversation about why he should be the one to do the trials, reiterates sam's own desire for normalcy away from hunting, within what dean himself desires for sam's life, which bring us back to the root of the issue that is dean's fear of abandonment (8.03, 8.14).

sam's own desire or attempt to leave the life seems to be fundamentally Wrong or is at least disproved of until dean approves of it/whenever it's part of dean's ideal for sam. 8.01, "so… free will, that's only for you?" the greatest sin is to disobey your patriarch; i think the culprit here re: sam's own person, just like it was with season four and the beginnings of soulless!sam, seems to be sam's rejection of the dynamics of his and dean's codependency in favour of his own attempt at independence. there's also the idea that dean would rather complete the trials that have a possibility of death than have sam go through the trials, die, then 'leave' dean to face the idea of living a life without sam—and he attempts to make this decision by on his own, without sam's input.

generally, i don't believe sam needs any excuse(s) to live a life outside of dean but the narrative's own facilitation of sam back into the non-role (the struggle to fit into the role) of his and dean's relationship, the dichotomy of monstrosity, the cycle of abuse, the patriarchal structure etc. etc. after his attempts at independence are endlessly interesting to me and although this isn't yelled at you through explicit exploration, i do consider aspects of sam's history with mental health to be relevant within several aspects of season eight, but mostly being related to sam's decision to leave hunting specifically within the context of the year between seasons seven and eight (especially after all that is seasons three to seven) as it's explored in 8.08. ultimately though, i think the major aspects of sam's decision to leave revolve around 1) grief and sam's avoidance of his grief, which is pretty well represented by his initial reluctance to name riot and explored through sam and amelia as mirroring characters (how blatant it is pisses me off a little),

and 2) the very basic building block regarding sam as a character that is his desire to leave the life. quite generally, i think the fact that through dean's own conflation of family and hunting (on account of john's own pov that through choosing college over hunting, sam had also chosen college over family) as well as dean's own pov prioritised through his and sam's relationship along with the previously mentioned structures, the idea that sam, too, is therefore unable to leave the life or subvert any of these structures without it being perceived as leaving dean or forsaking family is pretty neglected within a lot of interpretations of sam as a character. i think dean very much keeps sam tethered to the life either through sam's own ability to choose dean and their conflated lifestyle over something/someone else (later season one, season two, three, later nine to fifteen) (there's also the guilt tripping) or as a result of being preoccupied in a way that inhibits his idea of normalcy (his monstrosity in seasons four and five), but on account of the dynamics and his and dean's relationship, sam is unable to reject their codependency which perpetuates hunting and SamAndDean as existing synonymously. i mean, even when sam was hunting without dean as soulless!sam, on account of the agency and autonomy sam was able to achieve due to the differences between s!sam and sam's priorities due to the difference between then (the soul lol), s!sam's rejection of his and dean's relationship did become evidence for his monstrosity. which is, of course, punishable by (possible) death should dean decide that the dichotomy will not stretch to accommodate said monstrosity.

season eight, to me, is when these characters first start feeling a bit like cardboard, especially due to how wittled down to its core sam and dean's dynamic is represented. this is the most boring and basic version of How They Work at this point in the show and even then people explain their simple and cardboard-ish behaviours away with explanations like saying they're 'ooc'. sam's state of mind is pretty straight forward if you know where to look; sam taking his entire family's death as his sign that he's able to leave the life is not out of character to me at all. kill the supernatural appointed patriarch in your head.

[ochrearia]

A Nice Start

Oh no, Ochre's own emotions and thoughts, leaking into another RGBFverse one shot via how YS thinks and acts? Not a single fucking person is surprised

I don't know how Bash works I've probably derailed off at the end there but. I'm sleepy

BFs in this one-shot: Mixtape!BF (Bash, Soul's), Yourself (YS)

YS hadn’t felt this nervous around another self of his since getting off on the wrong foot with Boyf. In his defense, being nervous around him had been justified, YS wasn’t good at being around people as it was, much less people who actively disliked him. He was glad that Boyf didn’t seem to hate him anymore. Every once and a while he’d remember the original hostility and then tank his mood because of it. Despite it being in the past, it didn’t seem like time would make it hurt any less.

But that wasn’t the case here. Bash hadn’t even started out hating or disliking him. Actually, their first meeting was… strange. Bash had mistaken him for, someone else? Not really sure. He hadn’t yelled, or looked at him like he was disgusting, no, he’d offered comfort almost immediately. Comfort for something that didn’t happen, but supposedly was important enough to try and account for.

Bash seemed like a shy kind of guy just on the surface. Which somehow made it even more nerve-wracking, because shy people were usually the sweetest people on Earth, and it was terrifying to fuck up an impression with those kinds of people. And for once, YS wasn’t actually the oldest here.

So that whole ‘big brother’ shit? Definitely wasn’t going to work here.

Or at least that was probably that case. That wasn’t going to stop YS from trying. He was good at being a big brother figure, he thinks, everyone else seemed to be satisfied with his role. There had already been a few cases of selves that surprised him by wanting to take on a role of caring for him before he could even insist on being the one who cared. Bash was one of those, and coupled with the advantage of age, he wasn’t budging on this.

Two immovable objects. More like two stubborn idiot morons who refused to back down on stupid insistences.

“Hey man.” Bash’s voice was gentle, snapping YS from his thoughts. “Don’t think too hard, you might pull a muscle.”

“Pull a muscle… in my brain.” YS raised an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean.” Bash chuckled, though embarrassed.

So many nerves were flying around in this room. This was hell. So many selves by now and YS was still just as shit at beginnings compared to how he was with Biff of all people. Suppose some things never changed. Maybe he simply wasn’t used to this- a self that didn’t hate him, didn’t scream at him to go away. Wasn’t automatically disgusted by him.

Maybe that made it even more stressing to think that he could fuck it up by accident and make a self who was fine with him become disgusted by him. So many risks. YS felt like he might’ve pushed himself waaaaay over the edge. Why the hell did he keep doing this?

“You actually are thinking too hard now. I can see it on your face.” Bash spoke again, concern clearly laced his tone now. “You alright? Do you… want to talk about it?”

Something about that just… set him off.

“...Why?” The question tumbled from YS’s lips before he could even think to stop it. “Why do you… care? We’ve only really just met, why do you already care so much about my well-being? Why do any of you?”

Bash sighed, giving him a pity smile. “Why not?”

God dammit. What the hell was with this guy? How the fuck was YS supposed to get anywhere with this when the smallest sentences out of him could knock the breath from his chest so easily? He was supposed to be the one to help everyone else have those types of realizations. He was supposed to be the helper, not the one being helped.

“I- don’t understand.” YS admitted, against his better judgment. “I don’t understand, I can’t understand. I don’t get it. I wouldn’t even be upset if you or the other recent ones didn’t give a shit, that’s probably the reaction you should be having. And everyone else, It’s been months but I still don’t understand why they’d care about me.”

He was going to cause himself a goddamn migraine. He did that a lot. Stressed and depressed, not eating, not drinking anything actually helpful considering his stupid soda addiction. YS was prone to them of his own accord. The consequences of his actions. He was going to stress himself into another one in the coming minutes, he was sure of it. Then his poor guest would have to deal with his irritability.

Bash, though, kept regarding him silently. The small smile had dropped, but the pity was still there. Maybe not pity. Sympathy? Something else mixed in, unfamiliar. Eventually the older man opened his arms, stretched out towards him as an invitation. Oh…

“Sounds like maybe you need a big hug, bud.” Bash said instead of answering his hypotheticals. “If you’d like.”

YS stared, the shadows over his eyes coming in handy for once to act as an anxious guard. Things were exponentially harder to think through when you were madly unsure. No, he wasn’t the one meant to be helped, he was supposed to be the helper… but…

“I can’t stop thinking that every time someone shows they care about me.” YS continued, buried feelings spilling from his lips. “Every time. Just… why? Why, why, every time, every showing. It’s always the same. That’s… that’s not good, is it?”

“No, not really.” Bash replied. “I haven’t talked to many of the others. I’m not really sure how to approach them. I wasn’t really sure how to approach you, either, sorry. I’ve been so distant instead of trying to mingle in. I just haven’t figured out a path forward.”

“That’s that thing. You’re acting like a normal person should when presented with all this ridiculous nonsense. Anyone with a brain wouldn’t just immediately accept this. Or accept it at all, and I don’t understand why everyone else has. Everyone accepting… me.”

Bash looked at him almost expectantly. His arms were still outstretched towards him, inviting. YS kept looking, staring between both arms, trying to stick to his guns. But something had crossed a line, blurred it, and dismantled a wall. With an air of shyness, YS scooted over and all but collapsed into the awaiting arms of his brother. Brother, his… big brother.

“I think you’re such an interesting case. Maybe this is all a little confusing, and shouldn’t make sense, but who ever cared about rules anyways?” Bash offered, giving the other a gentle squeeze. “Like I said, I haven’t talked to many of the others, but I have talked to a few. Brooke and Beef. Brooke, well, I don’t know much. Beef, man, he loves you a lot. Talks a lot about you. Don’t tell him I told you that.”

YS snorted a laugh, shaking his head against Bash’s shoulder. “Little bastard. Can’t get that guy out of my damn apartment even if I tried. As if I really tried to get rid of him…” He mumbled that last part under his breath.

“You know you’re allowed to be cared about, right?” Bash asked. “It doesn’t seem like you do. That’s why you keep wondering. Keep failing to understand. I wonder how many of us it will take to change that?”

YS sighed. “A nice thought, but, no. I don’t think so. Not supposed to. I’m supposed to be helping everyone. Fuck, I’m supposed to be the big brother and I can’t even do that in this situation. I’ve caved.”

“Knew you’d come around!” Bash said happily, letting some of the nervousness melt away. “You’re still young compared to me. Like hell I was going to let you have to be responsible for me entirely. I can’t stop you from trying to help, though I don’t know how much you’ll find. But from what I heard from Beef, you don’t seem to let anyone just, take care of you. You’ve earned some rest.”

YS grumbled, finding that he had no words left to argue. But his head was proving to hate him regardless, because that migraine he thought might end up coming around actually started. Stupid, painful brain headache. “I guess… If I really earned rest then the universe wouldn’t be sending a shitty migraine my way right now. Sorry, by the way, I’m going to be very unpleasant to hang out with. You’re free to leave, honestly. Nothing fun to be doing like this.”

“Hummmm… Nah, I think it wouldn’t hurt you to have some company still.” Bash decided, letting one of his hands roam up to his head, scratching gently through his hair. “I just told you, you deserve some rest. Deserve to be cared for instead of doing all the caring. It’s not good to run yourself into the ground. You’ll burn yourself out that way. I don’t know much about you, but I know that for certain.”

Hah. This was so unfamiliar, he wasn’t used to being the little brother in this situation. Was this how he made his brothers feel? Heard, safe, cared for? Happy?

Don’t get your hopes up YS.

“That… feels nice.” YS breathed quietly. He felt small. Funny, it was a good small for once. Oh, well, there goes his damn shapeshifting again. It really was a hazard more than a power. “Fuck. Sorry. Sometimes this just happens… Automatic reaction to some of my feelings.”

“You’re alright man.” Bash chuckled again. “Pretty neat ability all things considered. Look, now I’m really the bigger brother. You’ve become shorter than me!”

“Shut up…” YS whined slightly, pushing his head more into his shoulder. “We’ve barely talked, it’s far too early for you to be so teasing already. You’re clearly hanging around Beef too much. That little shitter gets away with everything…”

“He does?” Bash asked, innocent tone full of underlying mischief. “And who’s fault would that be?”

“...Mine.” YS admitted with gritted teeth. “No more teasing. Head’s hurting like a bitch.”

Bash shook his head, amused, but let the subject drop. He didn’t let go, though. The hand in YS’s hair continued the gentle scratching movements, solely because the other had confirmed to be enjoying it. Probably wouldn’t help in the long run to fight a migraine, but any small comfort he could offer to the other he’d take.

It was a nice start.

[cherriebbyyyy]

Just a quick carcar head cannon a/b/o I have that I don’t have the time to fully flesh out atm but want to get my notes down in case I ever do

But it’s a confused baby alpha Ollie Bearman having a crush on omega Carlos Sainz because he’s so nice to Ollie and he smells good. Then he has also invited Ollie out to lunch and biking and while he may be young he is viable to be Carlos’ mate what he doesn’t know is that Carlos is in a lowkey relationship w/ stoic Beta Oscar Piastri. So when Ollie asks around to make sure Carlos doesn’t have an Alpha everyone is like no, and does his diligence to check that there’s no secret alpha (Charles because Ferrari Marketing gets him he’s seen the track previews and how they act v flirty). He thinks it’s the best time to like start the courting process and Carlos thinks he’s being sweet. Ollie gets him little things like energy gel for the biking tails, holding the door open, and trying to pick up the bill for lunches that Carlos doesn’t allow because he defo has more money than him.

Oscar doesn’t know this is going on until they’re having a double date w/ Charles and his gf where Charles being the gossip that he is let’s it slip like ‘oh you have competition and it’s my other son how funny’ both Carlos and Oscar is like ‘wdym’ and he drops that Ollie was asking about him and Charles’ was like I didn’t tell him about you two because you are ‘how do you say lowkey and he asked if you have an alpha, and you don’t’

Oscar hearing this starts to get a little mad because while he hadn’t voiced it out loud yet he was jealous that they were hanging out so much. Oscar was almost tempted to start biking as well but he had already picked up paddle and couldn’t add another sport.

Carlos just laughs it off and doesn’t believe that Ollie is trying to court him until one race he gets back to his drivers room and finds a scented little bear. Then he knows he has to put his foot down to let him down easy.

[imminent-danger-came]

(YOUTUBE LINK)

Hey guys they let me into the s5 writers room

[ceruleanterrapin]

Why are you being relentlessly bullied by a purple toddler

I think I made him mad once and now he has a vendetta against me

[evenings-at-the-seaofquanta]

Having a moment rn

Also on a more general note:

[mythalism]

10 years to 10 days…. i could cry

[tsuchinokoroyale]

[13eyond13]

gotta say i tried watching the iwtv series but the tone just seems off somehow. there are good things about it sure, and i do love sam reid (?) as lestat, but the tone issue is similar to why i think vampire diaries is so off-putting for me. like, it focuses on sex and blood so strongly in a way, and sort of misses the elements that made the books so interesting to me. i wish i could explain this vibe better, lol.

that being said, i would be interested in your opinion on the show if you ever watch it! often when i happen to know the piece of media you're talking about you voice things about it that i haven't been able to put into words myself but strongly agree with, haha.

I'll try watching it today since the books are still fresh in my mind and see what I think! Curious to know instead of just judge mostly based on clips and gifs...

[tvrningout]

IMAGES OF CHIYOKO HISAKAWA : 1 of ???

once gaining steady income as a mangaka, chiyoko seriously contemplates a more elaborate tattoo; rather than the cute little images she's imagined here and there, she wants something truly stunning to look at. the idea strikes her one morning after managing to spill paint all over her favorite pair of shorts, a deep green running over the blue material and down her calves. wouldn't it be pretty to paint her skin much like a canvas? chiyo eventually settled on a design that looks similar to watercolor, and though the visuals above lack much color, chiyo's tattoos are deep blues, purples, and reds that fade into each other, similar to what you see in these images here ( nudity warning, though nothing explicit ). the shading would most resemble the bottom right image, filling empty space with shadow or colored gradient. her tattoo curls along her right arm, across her chest, and down the left side of her waist, hip, and leg ( as depicted in the bottom left image ). getting to this point has, of course, taken quite a bit of time, especially as chiyo had to grow comfortable enough with her tattoo artist to allow them near parts of her body that are typically concealed. the whole thing has cost her a lot of money and tears, but she's pretty proud of the art she and her tattooist created. she plans to keep adding to it in the future.

[fourthclone]

honestly, roche is so easy sometimes bc if you give him the smallest amount of praise and comfort he’s yours bc he’s just been that affection starved for a good while

[ceruleanterrapin]

AHEM.

As per my reblogs--

On nom nom

I'M NOT FOOD

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Winston in the Billions

(that not only did billions never write a moment like this, & would never have done so, but doesn't think such a moment would exist)