#Shy vs shy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ochrearia · 7 months ago

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A Nice Start

Oh no, Ochre's own emotions and thoughts, leaking into another RGBFverse one shot via how YS thinks and acts? Not a single fucking person is surprised

I don't know how Bash works I've probably derailed off at the end there but. I'm sleepy

BFs in this one-shot: Mixtape!BF (Bash, Kry's), Yourself (YS)

YS hadn’t felt this nervous around another self of his since getting off on the wrong foot with Boyf. In his defense, being nervous around him had been justified, YS wasn’t good at being around people as it was, much less people who actively disliked him. He was glad that Boyf didn’t seem to hate him anymore. Every once and a while he’d remember the original hostility and then tank his mood because of it. Despite it being in the past, it didn’t seem like time would make it hurt any less.

But that wasn’t the case here. Bash hadn’t even started out hating or disliking him. Actually, their first meeting was… strange. Bash had mistaken him for, someone else? Not really sure. He hadn’t yelled, or looked at him like he was disgusting, no, he’d offered comfort almost immediately. Comfort for something that didn’t happen, but supposedly was important enough to try and account for.

Bash seemed like a shy kind of guy just on the surface. Which somehow made it even more nerve-wracking, because shy people were usually the sweetest people on Earth, and it was terrifying to fuck up an impression with those kinds of people. And for once, YS wasn’t actually the oldest here.

So that whole ‘big brother’ shit? Definitely wasn’t going to work here.

Or at least that was probably that case. That wasn’t going to stop YS from trying. He was good at being a big brother figure, he thinks, everyone else seemed to be satisfied with his role. There had already been a few cases of selves that surprised him by wanting to take on a role of caring for him before he could even insist on being the one who cared. Bash was one of those, and coupled with the advantage of age, he wasn’t budging on this.

Two immovable objects. More like two stubborn idiot morons who refused to back down on stupid insistences.

“Hey man.” Bash’s voice was gentle, snapping YS from his thoughts. “Don’t think too hard, you might pull a muscle.”

“Pull a muscle… in my brain.” YS raised an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean.” Bash chuckled, though embarrassed.

So many nerves were flying around in this room. This was hell. So many selves by now and YS was still just as shit at beginnings compared to how he was with Biff of all people. Suppose some things never changed. Maybe he simply wasn’t used to this- a self that didn’t hate him, didn’t scream at him to go away. Wasn’t automatically disgusted by him.

Maybe that made it even more stressing to think that he could fuck it up by accident and make a self who was fine with him become disgusted by him. So many risks. YS felt like he might’ve pushed himself waaaaay over the edge. Why the hell did he keep doing this?

“You actually are thinking too hard now. I can see it on your face.” Bash spoke again, concern clearly laced his tone now. “You alright? Do you… want to talk about it?”

Something about that just… set him off.

“...Why?” The question tumbled from YS’s lips before he could even think to stop it. “Why do you… care? We’ve only really just met, why do you already care so much about my well-being? Why do any of you?”

Bash sighed, giving him a pity smile. “Why not?”

God dammit. What the hell was with this guy? How the fuck was YS supposed to get anywhere with this when the smallest sentences out of him could knock the breath from his chest so easily? He was supposed to be the one to help everyone else have those types of realizations. He was supposed to be the helper, not the one being helped.

“I- don’t understand.” YS admitted, against his better judgment. “I don’t understand, I can’t understand. I don’t get it. I wouldn’t even be upset if you or the other recent ones didn’t give a shit, that’s probably the reaction you should be having. And everyone else, It’s been months but I still don’t understand why they’d care about me.”

He was going to cause himself a goddamn migraine. He did that a lot. Stressed and depressed, not eating, not drinking anything actually helpful considering his stupid soda addiction. YS was prone to them of his own accord. The consequences of his actions. He was going to stress himself into another one in the coming minutes, he was sure of it. Then his poor guest would have to deal with his irritability.

Bash, though, kept regarding him silently. The small smile had dropped, but the pity was still there. Maybe not pity. Sympathy? Something else mixed in, unfamiliar. But there was also hesitation in his eyes that YS could see. God, what was he doing? Bash was new. He shouldn’t be letting loose these things with someone he’d basically just met. Didn’t matter that they were the same person. YS was better than this.

“I… can’t really say I know how to help you.” Bash said eventually, nerves well present in his tone. “I’m not really good with comforting other people. Maybe if we were closer, I could make an attempt, but I- I don’t know what you’d want or need. We haven’t really spoken at all.”

YS’s shoulders sagged, and he hated that they did. Of course that would be his answer, why was he saddened by that? Was it because they weren’t close? Was it that fact being pointed out that bothered him? Or was it that someone really just didn’t know how to help him? What a hypocrite he was if the last one was the case, no one was a fucking mind reader and he shouldn’t expect anyone to be. Maybe he was simply disappointed in himself for putting Bash in this horribly awkward situation, just because he decided to open his big, stupid mouth.

“But- hey, that’s not to say that I don’t want to get to talk to you more.” Bash continued, but YS could hear the creeping panic in his voice. He was just backpedaling because of his reaction. Dammit. “I’m not used to all this, uh, multiverse stuff. Other selves, and how I’m basically late to the party. Everyone’s already gone off in their own groups or connections, and I’m over here, the new guy, and I don’t know where to begin. You included.”

Yeah. All this multiverse stuff that he had started. Because he’d lost himself in his own grief and broke the rules of reality in some delusional attempt to get his girlfriend back. Fucking sucker-punching Biff across a room and subjecting him to a long song for nothing. Dragging even more of them into this weird, fucked up brotherly family because he couldn’t bear to be alone with his own failures or he’d do something really stupid and permanent. All of this, without even bothering to consider the feelings of everyone else that would come from this nonsense.

“It’s okay.” YS cut in before Bash could panic anymore. “You’re not responsible for me. And you’re not a mind reader. I can’t be sharing things like that so quickly when we haven’t even had like, a normal conversation first. That’s like starting a conversation with ‘hey, your house burnt down’ instead of a ‘hello’. Don’t worry about it. That just slipped out, I guess. Forget about it.”

YS turned away, going back to his tense, awkward brooding while he rubbed his thumb against the side of his hand- a nervous tic that had been getting worse lately. If he kept doing it for too long he might actually irritate the skin there. But it was better than some of the other things he could be doing, he supposed. Now what? He’d shut down the only open conversation and now the silence was suffocating. But what else was he supposed to do now? He’d already ruined it.

He could feel Bash’s eyes on him. He didn’t want to look. This was such a mistake, especially with the migraine he knew was coming in a few minutes. YS was out of his depth, and he knew it, even though he was attached to this guy he barely even knew him. That was stupid. This was all stupid and he was dumb.

“Hey.” Bash called after a while, extending a hand out to lay on YS’s shoulder.

YS didn’t mean to tense up, but he did. He didn’t mean to, because it wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate the contact- He did, he really liked contact actually. The brothers he’d victimized the most could attest to that. But it was more that he didn’t expect it, and he was already so wound up by his own stupid brain. Startled, yeah. Let’s go with startled. But that tension was also just going to make things worse, so… “Sorry.”

“Listen, man. I haven’t really talked to many of the others. Brooke and Beef, really. And, Bee, I think? But him not as much. I’m not sure about Brooke’s feelings about you, because he never talks about it. Seems like he pretends that this multiverse stuff isn’t real aside from the ones he chooses to hang out with. But Beef talks about you a lot. And he really cares about you. I think you’ve done a lot for him. Anyone who is kind like that is good in my book.” Bash continued.

YS kept his posture slouched, but he took a quick peek at Bash. He had a smile back on his face, and the angel knew he was just trying to make things less awkward by slightly changing the subject. Taking up responsibility when YS had said, knew, that he shouldn’t have to.

“We haven’t interacted much at all. And you look like you’re genuinely going to explode if you have to be around me any longer, so I can just leave you with this. I don’t mind the idea of changing our minimal interactions. I’m bad at starting that, though. And I would feel bad leaving it all to you. Maybe today just isn’t the day we can get off on the right start, yeah?” Bash paused, getting up. “I’ll see you around. We can try again some other time.”

He thinks you can’t even stand being around him. He thinks he’s being a source of pain for you. He thinks you’re rejecting him, look at that, the very thing you’d been experiencing from some of the others and hated so much, now you’re becoming a monster and doing the same thing. Can’t you just get anything fucking right?

“Wait, I-” YS caught his arm before he walked off to the mirror, but hesitated. Lowered his voice in guilt, and looked away. “I’m sorry. I’m not good at this either. Making new connections. Never have. I don’t know how to start conversations or… make friendships. And especially now, with a migraine coming on, I’m even worse at it, and… Sorry.”

Pathetic, really. But it was the best he could muster now. His head was starting to split in a familiar pain.

Bash let out a small sigh, but shook his head. “It’s fine, man. Don’t worry about it. We can try again some other day. I’ll go now, I hope your migraine doesn’t last too long.”

YS watched him go, and then he was alone again. His thumb moved again, with a mind of its own, rubbing against the side of his hand. Nervous. Regretful, guilty even. What a disaster of an attempt that was. Probably one of his worst ones, really, but somehow it didn’t end in a complete dumpster fire. So…

A nice start, YS guessed. He just wished it could’ve been a better one.

#rgbfverse #this took several days too long wtf is with me #Shy vs shy #two fucking idiots not wanting to budge and then one gives up #YS is the give-upper. The giving-inner

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