#me to every character who i see as a trans man: that’s it get in the Miku binder meme

[miss-m-winks]

Hey I'm in this post! Four years later: still writing this character with DID. I'm getting better at integrating his condition into the plot! My plot has also changed a lot, as have some character dynamics. I still feel the way I did before, that it's possible to create a respectful portrayal of any type of person, regardless of your personal identity or experiences, so long as you do the research and connect with people who share the character's identity/traits/experiences/etc.

I am not a disabled black man, but I do have multiple characters who are disabled black men. I'm not trans, but one of my most important and central characters is a trans woman. I've never been suicidal, but some of my characters are suicidal sometimes! It is inevitable, as a fiction writer, that i will write characters who are so extremely different from me. I also am not an orc, but I'm writing orcs. It's all a matter of research and creative skill. and also a heavy dose of respect and humility.

(image description: digital painting in muted colors, depicting a bird-like man with green and blue feathers. he has gold eyes, a scar over the middle of his face, and a sharp vestigial beak. he is wearing red and white makeup around his eyes and has a vague tattoo on his forehead. end description.)

I've been posting the roughest-draft chapters to @memento-morianon, there have been a few chapters so far where his DID is more obvious and present in the plot.

I believe the main reason people are so adamant about not allowing others to write characters with DID is just a fear of seeing the same terrible horror tropes over and over, which is a valid concern! almost every mental illness or neurodivergency has been portrayed as horrific or evil, and most of them have also been portrayed as infantalizing and desexualizing.

DID is one of the most sensationalized, right up there with schizophrenia and psychosis. but that doesn't mean it's impossible for people without those disorders to portray them in a respectful manner. I'm doing my best at it! and when my books are published, I hope maybe they'll actually help people with DID feel represented, and maybe they'll help push back against the typical horror tropes about it too.

Create an OC with an accurate portrayal of DID, even if you don’t have DID! If you’re a singlet (a term used for those who do not have systems), we still want you to be aware of DID and treating it with the proper care and research. Just because you don’t have the disorder doesn’t mean you can’t learn more about it!

Let this post be a reminder that anyone is welcome on my blog.

[kwyoz]

wow, i love when the dragon age fandom is very normal about veilguard's companions being pansexual and totally not being lowkey really fucking pan and bi phobic.

[le-agent-egg]

Erm what the scallop

[yuridovewing]

i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.

what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.

in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?

obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)

[gigantomachylesbian]

Guys. I did not know before now that writing could be painfully millennial in a full prose book but the pho*nix ke*per has proven me wrong and I have to complain about it in the tags

[drivemysoul]

i changed my url on my sideblog (it used to be transboy[character] and now it’s completely different) and it’s making me real sad and conflicted and confused about a lot

[angelamontoo]

Which Lorre characters (besides Joel and Herman) do you headcanon as lgbtq+? I personally see The General as pansexual, Lorentz being queer and having a relationship with Professor Billings after the events of the film, and Polo gives off he/they energy to me lol

Oooh good question! Short answer is that tbh, all of them

As someone who doesn't really have any preference towards any gender, I like the idea of pretty much every Lorre character either being similarly indifferent to their potential partners gender or gay. Very big agree about Arthur being queer. Not only do I think he and Nathaniel went on to have a relationship, I've long held the belief that since they've known eachother, they've bounced around from being friends, to rivals, to lovers, to bitter exes, to friends again, to business partners, to enemies, to friends with benefits, to frenemies with benefits and on and on it goes

I like the idea of Fenninger being gay and either being in a relationship with both Mainwaring and Saliano or only mainwaring and Saliano is just kinda there as a third wheel lol

Very interesting about Polo being He/they. Personally, I don't tend to come up with my own original trans headcanons very much since I'm cis and I'm worried about being disrespectful, but I love seeing others trans and gender related HCs for Petes characters and other characters from his films. The biggest exception to that rule is Mr Munsey, who I kinda like to imagine as being transmasc or gender fluid and maybe the reason Hager didn't immediately recognise him despite their obvious history is that he didnt present/identify as male for any of the time that Hager originally knew him

[glitched-starlight]

As Gravity Falls reenters the void, and the inevitably of fanfiction begins to recirculate, there is a comment I fear I must send out to the general public.

As a trans man who gets, like, -1 representation in shows that aren’t explicitly about queer people, I often will latch onto characters that inexplicably have The Trans (TM) written into their bones, which includes Dipper Pines. And, as one might expect, I turn to my silly little A03 account to get my fix of representation and enjoyment of many a trans dilemma. Unfortunately, this is where my qualms get given the spotlight.

This is a generalization, but it seems as though every single godforsaken fic about trans!Dipper (I see this in the Spider-Man fandom a lot too, but that’s a conversation for a different day) he loses all his unhingedness, all his insanity, and is boiled down to a weak and sad little uwu trans boy who can’t handle his own dysphoria and falls apart at every slight inconvenience?

You’re telling me DIPPER, the same man who got called weak one (1) time and then disappeared into the woods for a solid 12 hours and came back half naked and rambling about positive vs toxic masculinity and manotaurs, is going to get misgendered and fall completely and utterly apart? You seriously think he’s going to have a run in with somebody who tries to bully him for being trans and he isn’t going to read them to filth? Are we forgetting that this is the same man who spent a whole episode learning about how to live and let live and then STILL told Pacifica her family was a sham with the mic-drop line of “deal with it”?????

Like good lord, please give this man some credit. I’m not saying he can’t have panic attacks, or trauma, or be treated differently by certain people, but it is the year of our lord and savior 2024 and we are STILL infantilizing trans men in fanon versions of media???

All I’m saying is if Mabel gets to keep her unhinged characteristics, you gotta let Dipper keep his too. Let Dipper punch a transphobe, as a treat.

[punkbarbarian]

for folks who don’t follow them on instagram— ally beardsley wrote part of an op-ed in the washington post for the 50th dnd anniversary about a moment playing dnd that really stuck with them and i wanted to share it here!

“a character’s journey — and my own”

I was an aspiring comedian in Los Angeles and had just landed a salaried job at the comedy website CollegeHumor. My co-worker and friend Brennan Lee Mulligan was looking for six comedians to create a show that would be like an at-home game of D&D. Why not? “Dimension 20” became a weird punctuation to my day.

I remember there being too many rules to remember. I kept turning to my friend, Brian Murphy, to ask which dice I should be rolling. I wasn’t paid overtime, but I loved the group and was having a lot of fun.

For the second season, I had my sea legs. I created a character for the campaign who was transgender. I had started going by the gender neutral they/them pronouns at work and among friends, but sourcing hormones or getting surgery seemed equal parts expensive and invasive. A fun thing about fantasy is stripping away the crunchy, real-world limitations and asking yourself: “What would I do if I could do anything?”

That season’s arc for my character, Pete, was extremely euphoric for me. I had described him as a trans cowboy you might see at Burning Man, and the artist drew him dressed as a freaky Hunter S. Thompson in an open shirt to show his top surgery scars. He has wild magic — uncontrollable and dangerous in the game mechanics — which we used to explore the painful chaos of leaving a family that doesn’t accept you.

Since then, I’ve started testosterone HRT and had top surgery. It’s funny to listen back to myself playing a character who had transitioned in ways I hadn’t. It’s full of inaccuracies that make me smile. Pete takes a testosterone pill every day; I now know it’s a weekly injection or a topical gel. I see my face, one wrapped up in playing something so new but instantly right. It was like an oracle. A near-future me who has health insurance! Who’s talked to their mom about being trans and even spent a week post-top surgery on that mom’s couch in Temecula, Calif!

As I started transitioning my appearance, seeing that in front of the camera felt raw. I was starting hormones, and my voice was cracking. Realizing it was all being recorded felt naked at times, but it has been really nice to talk to fans and friends about how important it is to see someone that looks like you taking a big risk on themself.

With Pete, it was really important to me to tell a story other than the dramatic lead-up to a medical transition. So we started with him having just gotten out of surgery, but that’s all you see of that process. Part of his backstory is that he doesn’t have a relationship with his transphobic parents, and before shooting the first episode, I felt sick to my stomach. I’ve been on a journey with my parents, and our starting place didn’t have much common ground. When my character meets with his father, it felt as though I was actually running into my own on the street.

Brennan could sense that discomfort, and as my character’s dad was about to call Pete by his deadname, Brennan shut the interaction down, surrounding his dad with bubbles that carried him into the sky. Magic is the power and freedom to manipulate your reality, and you can banish the awful voices in your life — let them swirl away into the air.

[zan0tix]

Hi tumblr user Zan0tix, I have to say that I love that you draw Jake as big and hairy AND fem. It's such a rare combination outside of mean-spirited caricatures, every time I see your Jake I get a big smile on my face. :)

Hi tumblr user HermitCyclop ^u^ here is a jake drawing for you 🫶

The transmisogynistic demonisation of these features is so maddening!!! I agree! Im glad that the intent (appreciating these features) of my jake design reaches you c:

GOING TO PUT IT UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. But jake english gender meta because i think about it Too Much and am taking this as an excuse to infodump abt it. 😁

The alpha kids and their specific defiance of both homestucks gendered narrative AND real life societal expectations are so fun to think about to me!! but since we are talking about jake, his specific defiance of both homestucks models of masculinity and femininity in the context of his queerness is like the reason he is my fav character.

He props himself up that he wants to be the adventure "hero" in the homestuck sense (the hardheaded blue femme fatale) and the western media sense (the hardheaded action man) yet whenever pressed to actually act on what he says he always refuses or obfuscates. Because really what he wants is to just be himself! I really love the alpha kids because they all just want to be Themselves, not be restricted and defined by what is expected of them, (all the characters have this but the alphas particularly really hammer this home for me)

The heavy emphasis on their beta selves, the heteronormative archetypes they embodied and what went wrong in their lives that manifest as fears in their alpha selves... im always thinking about it. How differently society affects queer ppls choices in life and then the fact that they all get a second chance and getting to watch them live out that second chance and realize their queerness and them all caring so much abt eachother and wanting to aspire to be better FOR the ones they love!!!!!! it always tugs at my heart strings to ponder😢😢

IM SO GOOD AT GOING ON TANGENTS MY BAD but basically. The alpha kids explicit queerness and how despite the comic itself protesting, they are all shown to be deserving of love (of all kinds) And as a person who super heavily relates to jake, his experience with his own identity (and dirks unending adoration and love for him and likewise jakes belief and admiration of dirk) serves to me as a reminder that yknow! We are all worthy of love!! Even if we dont think ourselves to be (this is just the message of shrek.) and there is always hope to be found in things improving!!!!

But in a text thats explicitly queer and not shy about letting its queer characters do wrong in realistic ways i think this message is incredibly powerful and certainly one of the best things about the comic in my eyes. And i love embracing that in my art of the characters! Drawing queer (but here specifically trans) characters all getting to be proud of themselves and their appearances makes me feel proud of myself alongside them and I think its wonderful to be able appreciate other trans peoples experiences and looks through it too!!

I specifically in homestuck fandom dont really see anybody but twinks (usually dirk or eridan LMFAO) portrayed to be fem in any manner 😢 when jake is the most explicitly feminine man in the comic. (I think the transmisogyny thats kind of rampant in this fandom means people dont want to consider those outside conventional attractiveness being feminine or transfem identities outside binary transwomen if even that😭😭) I am being the change i wana see in the world 🙏 The amount of transfem fat gay bear jake in the world increases by one every time i post

[thejollywriter]

IT'S TIME TO LAUNCH THE BOOK

WELCOME FRIENDS, TO THE BEGINNING OF AN ADVENTURE! Allow me to introduce to you, DELILAH JONES; free-lance Robin Hood and bad-ass extraordinaire.

In the cyberpunk future of The Redwood Files, Delilah Jones is half film-noire private detective, and half western-gunslinger, who rides into a lawless town and fights the bullies and the bastards that hurt innocent folks.

This anthology contains SIX, count 'em SIX short stories and novellas detailing Delilah's Adventures.

Through a Dream, Lethally; When tech CEO Michael Lense decides to hijack the soft-RAM in his employees heads in order to make people do his bidding, things can get awful, FAST. Being forced, without your consent, to be an assassin or a thief or a sex worker, and more. But Lense also has the city under-thumb. Only Delilah's got the brute force to break Lense's control, and free the city from his cruel influence.

Happy Endings, Guaranteed; Delilah has a partner, and after a long day of nonsense, is looking forward to visiting them at work to unwind. Only to get to the club where her partner works, and discover that they've been KIDNAPPED! Delilah races around the city, squaring up with every underworld hard-ass she comes across following every lead to find her partner. Except nothing is what it seems, and a simple (but tragic) kidnapping turns out to be way more nefarious than Delilah expected. . .

Delilah's Heart; recovering from the last adventure weeks later, Delilah meets a handsome butch at a dive bar. Things between the two show promise, but the butch gets called back to work by an abusive bastard who violates and exploits his employees. The butch asks Delilah for help, and as she digs into it, discovers a deeply connected mafia bookmaker who uses that underground protection to kill and exploit people without fear of consequences. Delilah's the only one who can bring justice down on this bastard, but it threatens a gang war if she does. . .

Gutter Medicine; a gang of outta-town skinheads robs an impoverished clinic in a rough neighborhood. Delilah digs into the theft, and promises to recover the medicine, only to discover that the outta-towners are stirring up trouble to pave the way for an invasion from the South. A Kingpin from Los Angeles is hungry for expansion, and Redwood is fertile ground. Unless Delilah can stop the gang, and convince the Kingpin it'd be too expensive to expand beyond the safe borders of LA.

Restitution; Delilah's robbing a rich billionaire's museum-like mansion one night when she's caught by an unlikely sentry, a very old man who'd had plans of trying to embarrass the billionaire for reneging on a deal, and leaving the old man destitute. Delilah invites him to tell his story, and she volunteers to see justice done, according to Delilah's exacting standards.

In a Name?; every trans person's name comes from a personal place and an intimate choice. This story is about a young thief, with big dreams and a hard head, how she picked her name, and the day she was reborn into Delilah-fucking-Jones.

These stories have literally been years in the making. Some of them are personal, all of them are personal favorites, and this anthology is a collection I've worked very hard on.

Genre fiction is deeply important to me, and I love bringing queer characters to this space. Every story published in this book appeared first, both as ideas and in rough-and-final drafts on my patreon.

HERE'S HOW TO BUY AND SUPPORT THE QUEER NOVELIST IN QUESTION!

my ko-fi store: this is the most direct way to support me (a disabled queer novelist) and I get the biggest cut if you buy the e-book from this source

AMAZON! you want a paperback, YOU GOT A PAPERBACK

and lastly, if you want to see my writing in advance, get your name in the credits, or get special copies in advance, my patreon

thank you for your support, and happy reading <3

[buildingmycottage]

I saw a post here on Tumblr once that went something like "in a world where god, Jesus, and the apostles are all men, that has to do something psychologically to women" and it made me think: The Netflix version of the show "She-Ra Princess of Power" is a show that is HEAVILY women centric. We know maybe three guys in power, King Micah (who, after his return from Beast Island, wasn't *really* in power), the head sorcerer in Mystacor, Hordak/Horde Prime. (please do correct me if I am wrong) The show, albeit about princesses, has the princesses have actual roles. Even the ones that are "weak" or perceived to be weaker than the others (read: Perfuma), are extremely powerful.

The two men whom we consistently meet in the show other than Hordak, Bow and Seahawk, are not the "macho man" in most shows. Seahawk sings an entire shanty as to how lonely he is and how he just wants to be friends with Mermista, and Bow cries and even hugs frequently all the other characters in the show. Both talk about their emotions and work through them in /relatively/ healthy ways (the Dragon's Daughters 1-3 will be sorely missed). My point being, is that the women in the show are shown as strong, beautiful, muscular, fierce, sad, frustrated, loving, traumatized, hurt, laughing, and more. They all have different body shapes/ types of bodies. There are three openly gay couples: Bow's dads, Spinerella and Netossa, and Catra and Adora. Incredible! In a kids show (and adults too lets be real) there are three openly gay couples. No one treats them any different. Bow is one of 13 kids of George and Lance. No one bats an eye. In fact, according to She-Ra Wiki page (https://she-raandtheprincessesofpower.fandom.com/wiki/LGBTQIAP%2B), so many characters are queer. Besides the ones listed above: - Scorpia and Perfuma are romantically involved - Bow is Bisexual - Glimmer is Bisexual - Mermista is Bisexual - Seahawk is Bisexual (dated Falcon) - Falcon is Gay - Lonnie is Poly and Bisexual (dating Rogelio and Kyle) - by extension Rogelio and Kyle are queer - Entrapta is bi - Jewelstar is trans - Peekablue is gender non-conforming - Double Trouble is nonbinary and there is MORE In the show, as there are a ton of non humans, almost any time we meet someone, she/her pronouns are used (see episodes when Best Friend Squad are in the crimson waste). Can't you see how amazing this is? A show where there are no one-dimensional characters, women are constantly having intelligent conversation with one another, women are leaders, women working together, openly queer characters, and a beautiful plot line where there's magic???? When the princesses work together, they turn into the colors of the rainbow and their powers are enhanced. Little girls are getting to see themselves as normal. Women aren't treated as secondary citizens. Hell, almost every Bright Moon guard we see is female. How would the world be different if shows like this were the norm? Where women are able to be magical, and they aren't dressed to show off their bodies? Where women's armor actually protects them? Where they grunt and are sweating after they fight? Where womens' love wins? Why can't this be normal? (Happy Pride!)

[the-squeege]

I’ve been a huge fan of Glass Scientists for… what’s it been like… 7 years? Something like that.. anyway I’m super happy to see it getting more recognition AND EVEN GETTING PUBLISHED??? I got volume 2 the other day and in reading the after words about Jasper I figured I HAD to draw him and talk about why he is SO important to me and why I’m so thankful he exists the way he does. There’s so much else I could say about this series and how much I adore it and how important it is to me but for here I’m just gonna focus on Jasper and why he is so incredibly important to me.

also please go read the glass scientists if you haven’t already it’s SO GOOD

It’s.. not something I talk a lot about but to anybody who pays attention to me on here, it’s probably pretty obvious that I’m trans. Or maybe not. My best friends didn’t know for like 2 years until I made a joke about taking my t shots lol.

When I first started reading glass scientists I didn’t know I was trans. And ultimately this isn’t really a story of how I found out, to be completely blunt it kinda just happened and I’m like yeah, I’m way more comfortable this way, this is just who I am.

After coming to terms with being trans, I found a lot of comfort in many of the characters in Glass Scientists. Over the years something really resonated with me more and more about Jasper.. I always appreciated how yeah, he’s a guy and he’s also soft! And sweet! And I know how much of a walking talking trans man stereotype I am but it felt so nice to see a male character acting and feeling the way I do, bad posture and all.

A few years later and the pages where Jasper talks about being trans drop and HOOH BOY

Everything in these few pages just felt so real and personal to me. Like I had lived this experience of coming out before, as it’s something I and many other trans folk have had to do over and over again. The way Jasper talks about his journey, the way Rachel sees him and the way that the story just continues on with Jasper just.. being who he is. Especially in a world with almost no transmasc representation in media???? This was MONUMENTAL for me. I didn’t really know it was possible to be so seen and so understood in a piece of media.

The real kicker was Rachel’s line about how Jasper must have been so uncomfortable. As someone who’s been lucky enough to have a lot of support, and a loving partner who has been nothing short of incredibly kind and patient and understanding, that line just. I dunno it makes me tear up a little (a lot) every time I read it. That understanding and acknowledgment in those few little words means the world to me.

I wanted to write this out and be a lil vulnerable here after reading how Sage was worried about their portrayal of Jasper. Idk if they’d ever see this, but I wanted to get it out there that as a trans man myself, Jasper is perfect. I’m so thankful that Jasper exists in the story as he does, and that so much love and care went into portraying him. I get the same feeling reading that scene with Rachel and Jasper as I’ve had being comforted by friends and family. It’s so personal and touching. Thank you for writing Jasper the way he is <3

[molsno]

god, what happens next is so good. the character writing is just spectacular. it fascinates me just how much depth there is to each character and how that contributes to the story.

milo's dni is the most revealing thing about him, and it's the very first thing we hear from him:

right off the bat, we can see what kind of person the protagonist is. he's a pastel softboi trans man who clings to a childish aesthetic to appear weak and non-threatening. despite being involved in a toxic relationship with another trans guy who attempted to rape and kill an 11 year old girl when he was a teenager and later murdered his girlfriend, which milo helped with by dismembering her corpse, he puts "pedophiles and unhealthy pairing shippers dni" on his carrd. which, ok, maybe he wants to distance himself from people like griffin now - except that's not really true, because he talks to, moves in with, and regularly hangs out with a serial killer fan who idolizes griffin and is even dating the guy while he's in prison. he puts "being against neopronouns" and "anti-otherkin" on the same level as those things. he explicitly denies any responsibility in the murders of haylie and savannah, despite having literally chopped haylie's arm off. all the while, he has "you deserve to heal" in big bold letters, while not applying that belief to anyone but himself.

right from the start, it's obvious that milo is not a good person. but he's also humanized throughout the story. sure, some of his softboi persona is a means of victimizing himself to avoid taking responsibility for what he did - and you could make the case that he was a victim in some ways. on the other hand, he also never got to grow up because he spent 5 years in a psychiatric institute. is it any surprise that he clings to the same aesthetic, interests, and hobbies he had when he was 15? he never got to stop being a kid, and how is he supposed to now? he didn't graduate high school, he can't get a job, and nobody wants to be friends with him because of what he did. it raises uncomfortable questions - namely, what happens next? milo served his time for the crime he committed as a minor. he was already punished, but now he has to live the entire rest of his life. what is he supposed to do?

that, I think is the most interesting part of this story. almost every character in this story makes it hard for you to like them, but they also have very human reasons for doing the terrible things that they do. I'll talk about some of my favorites under the read more, but be aware that there will be spoilers:

claire is one of the most interesting characters to me, just because of how unlikable she is.

when we first see claire in victim impact statement, she tries to ignore haylie, griffin, and milo as much as possible. she doesn't even seem to like her sister. she treats haylie as a nuisance for coming into the room that they share as sisters. she doesn't want to go to the open mic night to listen to haylie play her ukulele. when she finds haylie bawling her eyes out in the bathroom at anime central, she just looks away, as if to say "you chose to date your shitty boyfriend". when she hears haylie and griffin fighting upstairs, she just pretends not to hear it. when haylie is curled up in terror later, claire puts on headphones and turns her back to her. her headphones become a way of drowning out haylie's screams when griffin is around, and because of that, she doesn't hear haylie screaming for her life, and ends up finding her corpse in the kitchen.

that's why I don't find it surprising at all that she becomes an outspoken transphobe who wants to take her anger out on the trans people who murdered her sister. she goes to media events and publicly degenders milo and griffin. she calls aaron's friends trannies. I think it's easy to misconstrue her as a terf, but she literally doesn't even pay lip service to feminism. how could she? she knew that her sister was being abused by her boyfriend, and she did nothing. let me remind you that she lives in a house where "smash the patriarchy" is embroidered on the wall. she doesn't care about any of that. she just wants a scapegoat. she wants to make the law impose harsher punishments on minors who commit violent crimes because she doesn't know what else to do with her life. she very clearly hates herself, becoming an alcoholic to cope with her guilt. she pretends to care about haylie and fight for this law because it's the only way she can convince herself she's a good person, even though she can see that doing what she's doing is turning everyone against her.

and then that brings us to audrey. it's difficult to like her, too, because she's dating claire despite all of the horrible things she's doing. but at the same time, I can see where she's coming from. her mother died of cancer and she and all of her other black siblings were adopted by conservative christian white parents. she's still christian to this day, and makes a point of separating herself from "criminals" by insisting that she has nothing to do with them because she goes to church and takes care of her family. she doesn't want to disavow the law that claire worked so hard to pass because at the end of the day, it won't affect her personally, even though she is aware that the justice system disproportionately punishes black people. she very clearly has a lot of internalized racism, and I think that's best exemplified in the way she draws herself. despite having pretty dark skin in real life, she draws herself as light skinned as claire, her white girlfriend:

like, it's hard to like audrey, but you can clearly see why she's made all of the decisions she has! she idolizes claire because it's her first lesbian relationship. the way she sees it, claire can do no wrong. audrey does actually seem to be aware that her girlfriend is doing terrible things, but she essentially just plugs her ears and tries to ignore it. that's why she doesn't go to claire's campaign events. she ignores all of her girlfriend's flaws because claire is essentially her savior. because she has claire, she doesn't have to go back to her family, to her abusive alcoholic white father. she doesn't have to actually take care of her younger siblings, which is a responsibility she's foisted off unto mark. that's why she ignores that claire is just as much of an emotional drain as her father. she's highly depressed, she's an alcoholic, she trashes their bedroom (leaving audrey to clean up after her mess), she puts up an emotional wall and dismisses audrey's attempts to comfort her, and dismisses audrey's own problems as being less traumatizing and less important. by all accounts, claire is a terrible girlfriend and a terrible person, but because audrey idolizes her as her savior, she stays by her side. I'm really looking forward to seeing how she reacts to claire's disappearance in future chapters.

and then of course, there's vikki. she's been doing something incredibly disrespectful for years by making true crime videos where she talks about the victims and killers like it's all a joke. she makes a video about whether ethical necrophilia is possible, and makes a callous, bitter joke that the concept of "respect for the dead" is antiquated, because nobody respects her as a trans woman of color even though she's still alive. for this comment, people have harassed her online endlessly, enough that she had to make a video called "STOP TELLING PEOPLE I FUCK CORPSES". that doesn't stop her from making a video about the murder of haylie, complete with an interview from milo. she'll throw him under the bus if it means getting the attention off herself for a bit.

and yet, I think out of everyone, I feel the most compassion for vikki. yes, she used milo for content and called him a "sad little blonde girl", but I can understand where she's coming from! like, again, she's a trans woman of color in the true crime community. she knows the archetype milo is trying so hard to be in order to avoid taking responsibility for what he did. like, I've personally seen trans women of color who are victimized by white trans men who pull the same exact shtick as milo over and over, so I completely understand her frustration. that said, she also realized she went too far and tried to apologize, only to find out she was blocked and that milo basically wrote a callout post against her. I think it says a lot that vikki was one of the only people to actually try to talk to milo, even if the way she went about it was wrong.

vikki does things that are disrespectful, but to be honest, it's not that surprising! she grew up in a 90% white town in the middle of nowhere, got assaulted by multiple white boys for being a faggot, got sent to alternative school, worked for a funeral home as a teenager, and transitioned. not only is she desensitized to death, she's angry that people revere the dead more than her.

it's astounding, really! what happens next is so well written because it makes you feel conflicted about each of its characters. what are we supposed to do with these people who do awful things? a lot of the intrigue in this comic comes from seeing how each of the characters handles this question as they deal with the other characters who have done terrible things, while they themselves are deeply flawed as well. I think the writing really forces you to contend with the idea that these are all still people, and that their humanity needs to be recognized even if they do terrible things. it makes you ask, what happens next?

[freyito]

Hi! You asked for Aventurine requests among others, so I hope that you like this one? (Also, no pressure to accept this request! But thank you in advance for reading it <3) Could I maybe request Aventurine with an FTM!reader who dresses rather femininely? Reader can sometimes get rather insecure due to how people see him (either misgendering him or mocking him for being a trans man who still likes dressing femininely), so Aventurine comforts him and spoils him by getting him all the feminine clothing he likes. Idk, I thought it would be really sweet. I hope that request was coherent in any way. As I said, no pressure to do this if you aren't comfortable with it, but thank you so much in advance if you do! And thank you so much for writing fem readers, there's so little representation for us and it means the world to me <3

✧ a/n: if i had a nickel for everytime someone requested (one of) my comfort character(s) with an FtM reader who dresses femininely who gets a little insecure i'd have two nickels!!!! which isnt a lot but im soo happy it happened twice!!!!

fr tho thank you for this ask ehe.... healing my inner younger adult or sumn (shoutout to one of my exes who was super into femboys and completely killed my fashion sense) also idk where this name came from i just felt it. idk.

✭ pairing: aventurine x ftm reader

🗒 cw: ftm reader, dysphoria, comfort, this was written from the HEART, proofread

✎ wc:2.1k

ꜱᴛʀᴀᴡʙᴇʀʀʏ ꜱʜᴏʀᴛᴄᴀᴋᴇ

When you transitioned, you didn’t kill off your fashion, no, quite the opposite. It had never felt quite right to be called a girl, to be considered a woman. The clothes you wore had nothing to do with it, you were sure. Still, for a little bit after your public transition, you tried to dress more “traditionally masculine”, but it was only when you started wearing dresses and skirts and anything perceived as “feminine” that you felt truly at ease.

It was also around then that you got odd looks, and more mistakes and misgendering. Most of the time it was from strangers, so you chose to ignore it. It had no real effect on you since they were strangers, and their own opinions didn’t matter to you.

In doing this, you gained confidence, not that you didn’t have any before. You were simply presenting yourself how you liked, and you didn’t give a damn about who saw you as what. This confidence is what drew Aventurine’s attention to you, he quite enjoyed your slight flair for the dramatic, how ethereal you looked in certain dresses, and all around… you. He had never really fallen for someone as hard as he fell for you.

He pampers you as is, of course. Anything you want is yours, perhaps even three times over. No time to even say ‘I want’ or ‘I would like’, it’s yours. Especially clothes. He’s a bit of a fashionista himself, after all. You see a pretty dress you like? He’s buying it, and maybe a suit to match. Even a ball gown, something a little too formal for every-day wear? Don’t worry, he’ll find a reason to wear it.

Aventurine finds you pretty handsome any day of the week, even on your worst days, your most dysphoric days, where you want to do nothing but lie down in bed, dressed only in a massive t-shirt and boxers, unable to tame your disheveled looks. Which, those days seem to be becoming more and more frequent.

It had been quite a while since you two started dating, and you yourself knew dating one of the Ten Stonehearts would put some direct attention onto you. He wasn’t necessarily a celebrity, but of course paparazzi fled to him like flies to honey. And with that, you end up in the crossfire.

You do your best to ignore it, even when pictures of you and Aventurine end up on social media, even when the posts shift from referring to you as his ‘partner’, to his ‘girlfriend’, even when the comments referred to you as his girlfriend from the start. You shouldn’t let it get to you, you tell yourself, they’re just strangers is all, and they have no real connection to you. And yet, you can’t help but keep scrolling through those comments.

‘She’s so lucky!!’

‘I wish I was his girlfriend’

‘why can’t i be her :(‘

‘i’d give anything to be his GIRL’

Every little she, every little ‘girl’ gets to you. It cuts like knives, reopening old wounds you had forgotten about. Those words take root in your heart and you withdraw into yourself. Aventurine had been out on a… business trip, and you were left to wallow in your own dysphoric hell by yourself. Simply staring into your closet makes you feel sick, not even the clothes, but knowing that this is what you wore, and that is simply how people will perceive you from then on, his girlfriend. It hurts, dammit.

Despite the sickening pit forming in your stomach, you can't help but continue to scroll through the comments. Very few know of you, given your limited social media presence, even if Aventurine had tagged you in a couple posts of his own and even referred to you as his boyfriend. The few comments that mention you that do refer to you properly do not wash out just how many more had all sunk their fangs into the word ‘she’.

You finally pry your phone away from your eyes, turning it off and putting it face down as you bury your head into the plush pillows beneath you. You want to scream, to cry, but ultimately you are left with silence. Which turns out to be even worse, stuck with your thoughts that take hold and rip any semblance of confidence you had. Those words sink even deeper into your very bones, a reminder that you aren’t in the same leagues as a cis man, that perhaps you never will be. And then, the words ‘not a real boy’ start to rise. And slowly, that voice becomes louder, and louder, and lou–

You are interrupted by the muffled chime of a video call, raising your head and simply staring at your phone for a couple more moments. You knew exactly who was calling you, of course, he was the only one you really video called these days. And now, you didn’t even know if you wanted to pick up the phone. To you, it meant looking at yourself, seeing a girl. Doesn’t matter how little your portrait was in the corner, you’d still be there, all the same.

As if it was instinct, however, you pick up your phone and accept the call. You feel as if you immediately regret this decision, watching as your face pops up half-hidden by the sheets of your unkempt bed, finally minimizing into the corner.

“Hey handsome,” Aventurine starts, flashing you a pretty smile. He was driving, eyes on the road (thankfully), but peering at the phone every now and then. “How’s your night going, hm?”

“Good.” You mumbled, doing your best to sound at the very least okay. Your voice is muffled by the sheets and rather heavy, groggy.

“Awh, did I wake you up? I’m sorry,” He coos, still not looking at his phone, which you thank whichever Aeon you have to for that. “Just missed you is all.”

“It’s okay,” You manage to squeak out, tracing over his features mentally. He himself seemed so tired, despite how hard he played the relaxed character, you could tell that whatever meeting he had just gotten out of didn’t necessarily go all that well. “I missed you, too.”

You can see Aventurine smile, but silence fills the space between you two. The faint rumbling of the car on the road is soothing in a way, not too loud but not too quiet, enough to keep your thoughts from drifting. Perhaps you really are tired, with how easy it feels to fall asleep at the moment. Perhaps you were just tired, and that’s why such words got to you… and yet, as you did your best to surrender to sleep, Aventurine’s voice pulled you right back into reality.

“Have you been crying?” He doesn’t even tiptoe around it. It seems he had finally parked, and he finally got a good look at you. 

“Uhm–” You hadn’t even known you were crying, it seems you were so hyper-focused on just how you looked too much of a woman, and how badly you just did not want to see yourself.

“Hey, hey, what happened?” You can’t really lie to Aventurine, he’s pretty damn perceptive and it’s a little scary. Not just that, but he tends to worry about you, considering his luck doesn’t affect you. Seeing as he’s a whole star system away, he has every right to worry.

“It’s fine,” You groan, readjusting in the bed and doing what you could to hide your face while still allowing him to see some of it. You know you can’t get your way out of it, but deflect nonetheless. “Life sucks, is all.”

Aventurine purses his lips and furrows his brows, before clicking his tongue and shaking his head. He lets it go, for now. “Well, whatever it is, I’ll be home in like… three days, okay?” His voice softens from his usual sly tone.

You utter a low effort ‘mhm’, unable to conjure up any other words or sounds. You can see the worry creep into his expression, and somehow, it makes you think of a horrible, wretched question in the face of things.

“Do you see me as a girl?”

He lets out a ‘huh?’ before the question fully processes in his head. “No! Not at all! Why would you think that?” He raises his voice slightly, not panicked but as if in a rush to soothe your mind.

“I dunno. Seems like everyone else sees me as your girlfriend.” You huff, tilting your head.

“Well that’s them. You’re my boyfriend.”

“But–”

“Nuh uh. You’re my boyfriend. You’re a boy. Nothing else. Unless you wanna be my Husband?”

Aventurine’s cheeky tone returned and it caused a blush to bloom across your cheeks. You’re more surprised by the question itself, rightfully so, and it felt like it came out of left field. He chuckles at your reaction, raising his eyebrows, before shaking his head.

“What makes you think that, love?” He continues on if he hadn’t said anything, his voice softening once more.

You still once more, shaking your head. You feel as if you’ve already answered the question– you did– but, there was more than just that. “‘Cause of how I dress… do you even like it? Like... all the dresses and skirts and stuff."

“Of course I do!” He answers so quickly, placing his hand over his chest as if he was offended. “You look stunning! No matter how you dress. Is it annoying you?”

“... No.”

“Then you shouldn’t worry, okay? I love you, you know that, right?”

You nod meagerly, unable to find words. His reassurance helps a lot, but it would still take you a couple days to shake it off. For now, you would keep away from social media– especially those that were dedicated to Aventurine– to keep your head clear.

“C’mon, say it back,” Aventurine coos, “Or else I’ll start to feel a little hurt.”

“Love you too.”

“I’ll settle,” He huffs, but still his voice takes on a gentler tone once more. “Now, I’ll see you soon, okay? And I have a lot of gifts for you.”

WIth that, you two say your goodnights, and he promises you once more that he sees you as a man, regardless of how you dress or how you feel. You felt lighter, for sure, and were quite anxious and excited for Aventurine to come home. And the next days go by painfully slow, your mood dipping and rising equally, and yet, you were able to keep away from the same comments that had tanked your comfort within your body.

When Aventurine comes back home though, his arms are practically full of all sorts of boxes, jewelry boxes, and bags stuffed with Qilpoth knows how many clothes. He had to have someone help him bring his own luggage back to your apartment. He’s practically beaming, the fact that his gifts take up the entire couch was like an achievement for him. He showers you in kisses and praises and ‘I love you’s before he allows you to open his gifts.

He’s brought home almost an entire closet, pretty dresses, some rather formal, and even a ball gown, suits, as well, and a bunch of necklaces, bracelets, and rings. Many are adorned with gemstones, and most of those are aventurine stones. ‘For good luck’, he says, as if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

One gift, however, stands out among the rest. It isn’t big and poofy, it doesn’t shine, nor is it considered… formal. It’s a simple sundress, covered in floral designs, the material was light and airy. It’s beautiful as is, quite striking in its simplicity considering Aventurine’s fashion sense.

“It’s starting to get warm, y’know?” He shrugs, as you stare at it, running your thumb along the hem of its sleeves. “Wanted you to have something to wear, something pretty– not that the rest of your clothes aren’t pretty, but…”

As he stumbles over his words, you look at him and pull him into a kiss, one that isn’t quite heated, but rather tender and soft. When you pull away, there are practically stars in his eyes, and it seems you’ve soothed his own mind. Yet, his face is burning up, practically bright red as he looks away and clears his throat.

“Ahem… just wanted to, uh, let you know how pretty you are,” His voice shakes ever so slightly, as if a kiss was more bold than him proposing marriage. “And I wanted you to flaunt it.”

© freyito, 2024 | masterlist | queue | kofi | star header by roseschoices DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[seeminglydark]

does caro ever miss or mourn the person they could have been if they been happy with who they were as carrie? i'm an older trans person and have been post op and passing for over a decade now, but every now and then i can't help but feel sad for the version of myself i would have been if i'd been cis. i don't see a lot of stories with gnc characters touch on these feelings even though i think they're a normal part of the trans experience

WOAGH ok. I'm not going to clean up this sketch cuz i think its better you get the sloppy 'couldnt see through my tears replying to this ask' version. In many ways, yes. Its hard to put into words because its not a regret, but its a grief of who they tried to be for so long. It doesn't take away from the joy they have being the person they are now, but for them its like losing a loved one too young, if that makes sense.

i think many people have 'what ifs' and sadness for our baby selves. I write Caro loving Carrie very much, which is a super personal choice for me. I also show Carries story because I feel its really important to understand Caros. And because its really important to mine. I mourn baby me all the time, I was so incredibly lost. And I mourn the man I never became. He lives in John, because in many ways he still exists in me, even if my life took me in a different direction from him. I still love him. Hes still part of me even if my path didn't include him once i learned more about myself. But I'm also incredibly joyful and happy to be the person I am now, and I think teenage girl me, and phantom FtM me would be really proud of 40-something nonbinary living-my life-the-best-way-i-can me.

I think if Caro could meet Carrie in some kinda way, they'd say they were so sorry they couldn't be her, and that they really tried but they just didnt know how. But I think Carrie would tell them she's really happy she gets to be them, and how proud she is of how far theyve come together.