#me staring at the imaginary camera like in the office

[last-of-cheese]

I have a bunch of fuckin GI issues going on and doctors cannot fucking figure it out. House MD is my go to show to watch while doing embroidery because I can just like half watch while I work.

Well, I'm fucking working one day and I'm like kinda watching and the patient in the episode has abdominal epilepsy as a symptom with what's going on with him... and I'm just like... 🤨🤨😲 holy shit. First off wtf is abdominal epilepsy. So I put down my work and I grab my phone to start googling. Turns out it's a seizure disorder, and it presents as seizure activity in the GI tract. It's also very difficult to diagnose. HOWEVER I do already have a seizure disorder due to a brain injury, and my GI issues have gotten worse since that occurred. I also tic off a lot of the symptoms of abdominal epilepsy, but it's also like symptoms of basically most GI issues plus my neurological problems so 🤷‍♂️.

I'm not self diagnosing by any means. I'm not saying I have thus. But I will be bringing this up with both my GI and my neurologist doctors. See what they think and if they have any ideas on what we can do.

I stg if I get diagnosed with something because I heard it from an episode of House MD I'm gonna throw myself off a bridge. Like it's been 7+ years and since my TBI and no doctor could figure shit out... even my mom's therapist was like "fam that sounds like seizures" after like 3 minutes of my mom telling her what I've been dealing with.

say something funny

[peaxhygirl]

𝙰𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾 𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙰𝚂 𝚇 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁

: ̗̀➛𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝙾𝙲

: ̗̀➛𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: It's a rarity that Armando gets sick, but when he does, he attaches himself to you/reader. --Intro to a new female reader?

: ̗̀➛𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚜:

Soft!Mando

Dove!reader

GrumpyxSunshine

The funniest thing about Armando was that although he held the rightful reputation of being cutthroat and ruthless in the streets of Mexico, he was also such a softie behind closed doors, especially when he was sick.  

Right now, he currently had the flu and was carrying himself like a toddler.  

The couple had been stationed in bed for what felt like hours. Armando because he was “knocking on death’s door” as he dramatically put it, and Dove because well, he refused to let her up. He laid on top of her, arms tucked underneath her to warp around her waist and lock her in his grip. His head was not only planted right on her chest, but he was also hiding underneath her robe. All she could truly see of him was the very top part of his short black hair. 

“Armando, baby. You know I don’t mind taking care of you, but you’re gonna get me sick being all over me like this.” Dove’s soft voice was met by the low grumbling rasp of his strained voice. “I’m not even that close.” She took a moment to look away at her imaginary office camera that was always conveniently stationed in the corner of whatever space she needed it to be. 

“If you were any closer, you’d be in my skin.” “That’s a great idea actually.” With that statement, he emerged from underneath her thick fluffy robe, leaning back to gently tug down the cup of her bra, exposing her supple breast. He stared for a moment mesmerized by the sight of her dark brown skin that always seemed to glow to him.  

That’s one of the many things he loved about Dove. She was so opposite of him. While he was rugged, she was the epitome of soft. It was like God crafted her from the finest silk he could find.  Taking his sweet and very appreciated time to craft the woman Armando would one day be madly in love with.

She was his Dove, his Paloma.  

“Eres tan suave, cariño.” He spoke softly while nuzzling his face against her breast. She gazed down at her boyfriend who did still look a bit pale. She knew he was being dramatic, but she'd still baby him anyway.

𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙽𝚂𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽

Paloma - Dove

Eres tan suave, cariño - You're so soft, baby.

[scarleteyess]

Kinktober day 2

Cam boys (Logince: Double penetration/Voyeurism)

Roman likes to pretend he is a cam boy, today he decided to drag his ‘stream ASSistent’ Logan along for the ride and put both a dildo and a cock into his ass.

Patton and Virgil watch the stream, like the supportive boyfriends they are.

Read on Ao3 here

Or under the cut

Being imaginary made it difficult for Roman to life out his camboy dreams. It’s not like he could reach an actual audience consisting out of thousands of fans admiring him. So, his two light side friends and Virgil would have to do. The dark sides didn’t get the password to his secret website, for obvious reasons as one of them is his brother and the other his nemesis.

The sides who did get the password tried their best to be supportive so when each of them got a notification they were quick to drop what they were doing and log on only to see the waiting screen still on.

Virge: Princey? You there?

PatDad: he said he was planning something

PatDad: at breakfast

PatDad: you were asleep 💤

Virge: Shouldn’t he plan before going love?

Virge: *live

PatDad: shrug emoji

Virge: Did you just type shrug emoji?

Before Patton could type a punny response, the waiting screen disappeared. However this time, they weren’t greeted by Roman’s cheery smile. The camera wasn’t in it’s usual spot either.

Virge: Uhh… what? O.o

PatDad: is this logans room?

The room was well lit, yet it still felt dark as the walls were painted a dark blue. The furniture was made out of a dark wood. The camera was placed high in a corner of the room, making it look like a security camera, just with a better quality. It faced a desk, in front of it someone sat in the desk chair, their identity hidden by the back of the chair.

With the sound of a snap the live feed changed to show a different angle. Roman was sitting on the chair with a bright smile on his face.

“My dearest sub-jects and switches,” he started his monologue. “How kind of you to join me this fine evening. As you can see, we’ve had a bit of a change of scenery today.” Roman waved his arms around to show off Logan’s room behind him.

“However there’s no need to fret! Everything you’re about to see tonight is completely consensual and discussed in length with my dear assistant.” Roman chuckled, looking down between his legs. Leaving both Patton and Virgil to speculate where Logan currently was and what exactly he was doing there. “Tonight you’ll witness a scene as though you’re looking through the security footage of this room. Don’t you worry, we’ve cut to the best part. No need to stare at Logan working on this very chair all afternoon. Although he does look hot when he’s lost in his concentration, don’t you agree?” Roman waited for his chat to answer before continuing, it’s a shame he couldn’t let them wait longer, but he had been teasing Logan for a bit before he started streaming, so he should really go on with it, before Logan got too floaty from the excellent job of cock warming he was doing.

“My dearest voyeurs, my royal audience…” he couldn’t help pausing for dramatic effect one more time. “I must now bid you adieu. Please, enjoy the show.” He winked at the camera and switched back to the ‘security’ camera. Roman waited a couple of seconds to see Patton and Virgil go wild in the chat, before turning off the computer screen. The point of today’s stream was to make it seem to his chat that they were mere voyeurs. It wouldn’t do the delusion any good if Roman or Logan got distracted by the chat.

He rolled back the office chair, feeling Logan chase his cock for a bit, until he was too far away. A pitiful whine left Logan’s lip as Roman’s dick did the same. This was a tell tale sign that Logan was deep into subspace already, telling Roman that he didn’t need to expect any more brattiness from his stream assistant.

“It’s okay Logan,” he murmured sweetly. “They’re gone, you can come out from under the desk now. It’s just the two of us.” Logan crawled from under the desk, lacking his usual fluidity. He was stiff from sitting on his knees for at least half an hour. Drool dripped from spit soaked lips over his chin and his flushed skin was clear for everyone on the stream to see as he was only wearing his boxers.

“You were so good for me baby!” Roman praised his sub. “You did your job perfectly and didn’t make a sound during my stream! You deserve a big reward don’t you think?”

In response Logan nodded enthusiastically. “Yes sir, please! I followed your orders. I did good.” Roman just knew his viewers would eat this up! It was always a treat to see Logan this pathetic and desperate.

“Strip and bend over the desk.” Roman ordered, drawing a finger over Logan’s already naked chest, down to his abdomen, until he reached Logan’s boxers. He snapped the waistband, simultaneously snapping Logan into action. Logan pushed down his underwear, turned around and bend down over the desk.

As soon as Logan bend down the stream changed to show the few from a different camera. This one zoomed in a bit more so the sides watching got a nice few of the buttplug nestled between Logan’s cheeks. The plug was red, decorated with a fancy gold R, to claim Logan as Roman’s for the night.

“Let’s remove this to make space for your reward, shall we?” Even though Roman explained what he was doing and why, Logan still whined as he removed the plug. It made the poor sub feel empty after having it stretch him out for so long. “Aww don’t worry baby, the plug did his job, so you can get your reward quicker. I won’t even need to stretch you out before giving it to you.”

Roman softly spanked Logan’s butt, before grabbing a long, but not too thick, dildo from his desk. He subtly showed it off to the camera as he slowly and sensually lubed it up.

Logan squeaked as the tip of the toy touched his hole. “Wha-” He tried to ask what Roman was using on him, but quickly got overwhelmed as Roman pushed the entire length of the toy inside until the fake balls hit his ass.

“Don’t think I haven’t seen you ogling the toys on my desk before.” Roman teased as he slowly started to move the toy in and out of his hole. “I decided to bring my longest one for my favorite little size queen.” He punctuated his statement by one hard thrust before moving back to his steady but slow rhythm. He made sure to stand slightly to the right so the camera would capture everything perfectly.

By now the stream had changed again, showing a split screen of Logan’s ass, his and Roman’s side profile, the first camera in the corner of the room and his face. Unbeknownst to Roman and Logan, Virgil and Patton had decided to meet up and watch the stream on the living room tv, so it was easier for them to see everything. It also added to the feeling of watching some security footage and gave them easy access to each other in case they wanted to do more than watch. Later while creating the VOD for Roman, Logan would blush as he noticed the chat going suspiciously quiet after Patton and Virgil discussed watching together.

Now however, he was too busy slowly, but deeply getting fucked by the dildo Roman was pushing into him. His whole body quaked as Roman managed to hit his prostate dead on multiple times in a row. He was breathing heavily as he slumped over his desk, having no doubt that he was painting the wood with the pre cum dribbling from his cock. Roman’s free hand drew ticklish lines over his hip and side as he admired the usually stoic man fall apart beneath him. He knew that the night was far from over, though.

“Ah… sir, please.” Logan moaned out after another rough thrust hit his prostate.

“What is it my loyal subject.” Only a slight quiver in his voice, betrayed Roman, telling his audience that he wasn’t as unaffected as he pretended to be.

“Need you! Need your cock! please!” Logan pleaded breathlessly. Roman’s thrusts sped up in response.

“I go to all this effort to give you a nice reward.” He thrust the toy in with every word, while his other hand grabbed Logan’s hip in a tight grip. “And now you’re saying my gift isn’t enough? Don’t you love your reward?”

“No! Please sir! I love it!” Logan managed to stutter out between labored breaths. “I just- I am…“

“You’re what Logan?,” Roman teased. “You’re just a little cock whore who won’t be satisfied without your boss’ cock? Is that it?”

“Yes sir.” Logan grabbed the edge of the desk to ground himself as the pounding of the fake cock against his prostate continued. By now he was fighting against his upcoming orgasm, because he knew what Roman had planned for tonight.

“Say it.” Roman said darkly. “Say it and I’ll give it to you.”

“I’m a little cock whore, who needs your cock!” He almost screamed out, his voice going up in pitch as he was getting closer and closer. However, as soon as the words left his lips, Roman let go of the dildo, leaving it to slide back a little, but generally remain still in Logan’s ass.

The stillness of the object inside him felt like torture after he had gotten so close. He could already feel the need to orgasm die down. He groaned in frustration as Roman’s other hand left his hip as well.

Virgil and Patton were jerking each other off as they watched Roman step out of his own pants and underwear, but leaving his shirt on. He grabbed the lube and jerked his own cock a couple of times. With some more lube he coated his fingers. He pushed the toy in as far as it could go, making Logan’s breath hitch, then he started pushing one of his fingers in there next to the silicone. Logan keened loudly at the extra stretch, his fingers dug harder into the wood and his breathing sped up a bit.

“Relax specs.” Roman spoke kindly, in contrast to his commanding tone earlier. “You can do this, my sweet.” Another finger got pushed in besides the toy, he wiggled them around playfully before scissoring them open the best he could in view of the camera.

By the time Roman was working in a third finger, Logan was red in the face, begging him to hurry up, or he was going to come already. Who was Roman to deny him that.

Roman stroked himself a couple more times and lined up next to the toy. “You ready for me specs?” He asked rhetorically, before pushing in anyways.

It stretched Logan open almost impossibly wide and pushed the toy against his prostate again. He came hard, cum splattering against his wooden desk. He panted, but Roman gave him no time to recover.

“For a size queen, you’re so tight.” He groaned as he adjusted himself a bit. Logan was shaking now, already feeling the effects of overstimulation before Roman had even started moving, yet he didn’t tap out.

“Just move, please move.” He begged and Roman listened. He started pulling out and thrusting back in. It wasn’t rough like before, no, it would have been sweet and lovely if it wasn’t for the dildo being crammed in next to his cock. Roman had to be careful, but he didn’t mind. The pressure around his cock felt deliciously tight. He wouldn’t last long like this. Not that he had to, Logan was already shaking beneath him, moaning at every small thrust.

Roman thrusted a couple more times before he was pushed over the edge. He pushed in a little harder as came inside of Logan, filling him even more than he already was. He stayed there for a bit, the both of them panting from exertion.

Slowly Roman pulled out. He looked over Logan’s exhausted body, only to realize he had gotten hard again. Roman wrapped his hand around his dick and stroked him softly, while slowly thrusting the dildo, that was still in Logan’s ass, a couple of times. Logan came quickly. He protested as Roman kept moving for a bit, but luckily for him, their scene was over now, so Roman removed the toy.

“You did so well, mi corazon.” Roman kissed Logan’s shoulder blades between each word. “Let’s wash up, I’m sure they’re waiting for us downstairs.” Logan only groaned in response, he’d probably be non verbal for a while, something that only happened after sex. It’s alright though. Roman would take care of him, and he wouldn’t even do that alone. He stopped the stream with a flick of his wrist and got to work.

The two men who’d been watching from the living room had both finished a bit earlier. They had decided to get things ready for when the stream was over. They would spoil their (now two) favorite cam stars when they came down.

[nic-coughlan]

THERES SOMETHING SO DEEPLY WRONG WITH THEM PARRIS. PUR THEM IN THE DSM5 AT THIS POINT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NICOLA TAKING HIM TO MEET HER FAMILY??? LUKE SAYING HED DO A LONG PEACEFUL WALK ALONG THE BEACH WITH HER AS HE HOLDS HER BAG??? IVE BEEN OUT-LESBIANED BY STRAIGHT PEOPLE ON PRIDE MONTH. ( Luke About Galway hangout plans): “Welll I think that’s a secret 🤭✨” STOP. TALKING. THEYRE LOOSING AGAINST THE SPECULATORS SO BADLY I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

asfdgfhhgb they drive me insane like i shouldn't be jim halpert in the office staring into imaginary cameras in my living room thinking the actual fuck are you trying to do to us?????

we're only human. luke newton, rein in your colin bridgerton immediately. i'm sick of the soft eyes and lovesick attitude (im totally kidding id be the exact same with nicola id be reading our fanfics)

[thatonesillyducko]

Hesh: "W- What are e-n-chi-ladas?" bro can't Spanish but get vanished

Jemíma: "They're tortillas rolled around a filling and covered with a savory sauce, you're going to love it"

Keegan: "Why can't we eat regular food like normal people?"

Jemíma: Tf you say? "I told you two. My mama who rests in peace has been coming to me in my dreams telling me that I'm losing touch with my roots" (another answer for "I'm turning into a white woman" lmao)

Hesh: "I see, but Dad is making steak and--"

Jemíma: No, no no. You have to respect others culture too. My mama can hear you" (joke)

Keegan: "What do you mean your 'mother can hear you'?"

Jemíma: "In my culture, we believe that dead are all around us"

Keegan: "Fine-- you know what, I'm going clean up my sniper. Oh Jemíma, have your mom run me up an iced tea in 10 minutes"

Jemíma: "YEAH, she has a better chance of making that work than YOU"

Keegan: "Better than me..."

Hesh: After seeing what he had just seen, Hesh simply turned to look away at the imaginary camera stare, similar to Jim from The Office.

—✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰—

Jemíma: Jemíma stirred the tomato chilli sauce for the rolls to thicken and enhance its flavour.

Keegan: Keegan went into the kitchen, leaned to the side of the doorframe with his arms crossed. He blew a low whistle, seeing her stir and her body moving at the same moment. "..I love watching you stir"

Jemíma: When Jemíma heard him say that, she stopped stirring, her expression straight but unhappy. "Then I will stop"

Keegan: "Why? You're still mad at me?"

Jemíma: "Sí, you have to apologize"

Keegan: "I'm sorry... if you think your mother is here with us. I respect that. Now come here" Keegan welcomed Jemima into his arms as she approached him for an embrace when— "OH! where'd you come from? Yeah then we'll have to get you a little bell" Bro laughed hysterically

Jemíma: "ENOUGH KEEGAN, my culture is VERY important to me. I've been working all day to share with all of you! And you do is mock me. JUST GO!"

Keegan: "I-- I'm sorry! I'm just teasing you" man stfu

Jemíma: "Instead of being the comedian, why don't you help me?"

Keegan: "What do you need?"

Jemíma: "Slap the chicken"

Keegan: "...Do what?"

Jemíma: "In Mexico, when you cook in honour of the departed, you have to scare death away from the food to protect the people that are going eat it" (made up)

Keegan: "That's the nuttiest--"

Jemíma: "DO IT" ....

Keegan: "Alright- calm down. Give me the chicken" He took three chickens' meat out of the bowl, "Here we go" placed them on the kitchen cutting board, and started battering with his hands on it but slow

Jemíma: "Hm" Jemíma watched Keegan, but she wasn't impressed by how slowly he was doing it. "That's not scaring anything away. When my grandfather used to cook, The WHOLE HOUSE would shake"

Keegan: smh wtf she wants? He chose to give it a serious battering as a result, doing as she instructed.

Jemíma: "Louder" "HIGHER" "LOUDER, HIGHER" Every time she gave a firm order, Keegan would repeat it to her.

—✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰——✰✰✰—

Jemíma: "I made all that up, that's not a real custom in Mexico. We're not lunatics. little eyeroll But YOU mess with us and WE mess with you<3 that's the cost" (woman you awesome)

[gaysonlyocean]

return to escape from mandelatech/mandelatech lockdown me and hannahs weird improv point and click escape room roleplay bit, hannah has:

immediately told dave hes her best friend and tried to do heart hands thign with him unsuccessfully

found a like 2023 gaming laptop in the middle of the computer aisle alongside all the 2009 era computers

sniffed the gaming laptop

smoked a imaginary cigarette

said "if i was dave.... what would i do with my keys"

said "i dont think the key would be in toilet, also i dont wanna see N right now"

found a fake credit card in daves office made out of steel

tried to guess daves password

gotten into prolonged eyecontact with N via security cameras

said "IS THERE A SAFE IN HERE???" and when i said no she said "ok yeah i dont think robbing my best friend would have him still be my best friend"

turned the tv in the storage room around so six cant look at her struggling to solve this

tried to make a offering for sixs help with the three pennies by taping them to the screen

pressed her face really close to the screen and just stared

started just turning the lights in the storage room on and off again

said "HEY UGLY- wait no he wont talk to me if i say that HEY SIR QUESTION MARK I NEED HLELP"

said ".....maybe if i start crying"

ate the bad old taffy and made a disgusted face

finally figured out what to do with the card and went "HOOIUGH" out loud

just started stimming

yelled "YIPPEE!! YOU! DO YOU KNOW WHERE KEY IS? TO DO? I NEED TO LEAVE?" at six

said "DID SIX FUCKING JOIN MY PARTY???? ARE YOU A METAL DETECTOR???"

said "i walk out, small man in tow, i beeline over to the bathroom, i slam open the door"

just started sticking her hand in the toilets as N and six watched on in horror

offered N the half eaten taffy, he did not want it

said "... i will light the blunt for you if you join my party" to N

taken the blunt from N, took a fat rip and blew the smoke in N's face to see if that makes him join the party

had a coughing fit

told six to tell N that she's "friendly and trustworthy"

gotten a job at mandelatech

is now just wearing a gross wet lanyard she got out of the toilet

licked floor edibles

started unplugging sinks

turned to everyone else and said outloud "i SWEAR ive played video games before"

had a violent and visceral reaction to me saying wall was sticky and wet

said "that would make sense in this hellhole of a city"

bribed N with the floor edibles

considered sticking the pennies to the wall

sniffed the sticky wall

used the power of friendship to lift a shelf out of the way aka made dave, six and N help her lift it

found a secret evelin

said "girlie what the fuck" to evelin and left her alone

said "IGNORE THEM, LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES" when evelin was very concerned about the two fuckign alternates in the group

tried to bribe evelin with the three pennies unsuccessful

refused to look through daves email

gave up and looked through daves email

said "the cop.... is he in on this?"

made fun of thatchers emails to dave

started highfiving everyone when she made progress

aged like 50 years when the sticky wall mysteriously disappeared

started asking the group who has the highest pain tolerance

forgot that dave would not have a smartphone

realised if this was realistic she would be 7

started sprinting with the gaming laptop to give it to evelin to recruit her to the team

became hysterical at jonny appearing for two seconds

somehow got thatchers lighter out of the wall hole

started yelling into the wall holes

said "his emails might have been a clue but i wasnt paying attention cause all of them were sad and boring"

said "arson might be the answer"

started interrogating everyone

gotten mad at point and click logic

grabbed daves shoulder and shook him

started interrogating six again

tore out a vhs tape with her teeth

grabbed six and shoved him back into a tv

made a high pitched noise in response to the lights going off

started going all lord of the flies

walked into like 7 different shelves

escaped mandelatech and just kinda put everyone in evelins car, this includes N

[chaoticintellectual]

i think one of my favourite childhood home videos we have is a play session of me and my sister that i decided to film (because id found my dad's camcorder) which is just like 45 min of me pretending to be a rich old british lady having tea with my sister, and complaining about how "you can't find good help these days" while periodically yelling at an imaginary butler while my sister sits staring at the camera like she's on the office the entire time

[cannibalchicken]

[rylie-studies]

introvert culture be like “sorry i can’t take your call my voice has suddenly left me” but then be typing a whole entire 20 paged essay while texting after they’re asked what’s up and spends every passing minute screaming for the longest time on tumblr 

[jonghyunluvr]

i'm legiterally sitting here staring in between them like this looking at the imaginary camera like i'm in the office i love being nosy and in people's business this is like cocomelon to me

NOT me coming across a video of jjong and that actress he dated just to see him try so hard to act all tough and indifferent around her rolling up his sleeves and whatnot like WHO IS YOUR HOPELESS ROMANTIC ASS TRYING TO FOOL and then you got her stealing glances being shy fanning herself and girl GIRL THAT BODY LANGUAGE IS GIVING YOU AWAY have we lost the art of being subtle SDGJJFDGDF

[residentmiddlechild]

Alright...so I don’t know if any of you guys have watched Micarah Tewers on YouTube (you should if you haven’t), but I just watched one of her videos and it gave me big Marinette vibes and now I need her to run a YouTube channel like this... 

[Here’s a link to one of my favourite videos of hers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CfolgJ9Fik&ab_channel=MicarahTewers]

It’s just the scatterbrained, fashion-loving, wholesome vibes that are packed into those videos that are screaming Marinette to me. They both have the perfect chaotic energy. Like the channel might offically be for fashion, but she gets distracted with random other things so often. Like just imagine...

— Marinette: *sewing something* *the kwamis knock something over in the background and she looking back in a panic* Marinette: *looks back at the camera and lies* anyway I live in an attic and my house is haunted — (and Micarah does this thing where she uses absurb objects to measure things...) Marinette: cut out a strip of fabric roughly the size of your local cat friend’s boot- Marinette: trace a circle about the size of your imaginary pet ladybug’s head- — Marinette: *while handsewing and reading comments from a previous video* are you Adrien Agreste’s Pajama Girl? Ha. Ha. Ha. *spins around in her spinny chair and fake cries and turns around with the pajamas in hand* yes kill me now Marinette: am I Chat Noir’s Baker Girl? Well my parents are bakers. And I am a girl. So maybe. 👀 maybe I have multiple personalities! I’m baker girl, designer girl and pajama girl!! I’ve figured it out. I’ve connected the dots. I’ve connected them. — Marinette: *having righteous anger over fashion faux pas* — Marinette: I’m going to summon the ghost *throws crumbs on the floor* okay. Watch. The ghost will eat it. I swear I don’t lie. But they only do it when I’m alone. I’m not insane. *the kwamis eat the food, which the camera can’t pick up* you’re welcome o ghost for the offering — Marinette: *making rant videos about movies that did not deserve to win Oscars for fashion* Marinette: *getting distracted really easily, playing video games with her parents, baking, having Chat Noir and Alya visiting* Marinette: *pausing her work to stare at Adrien’s pictures* *looks at them longingly* anyway- — Marinette: *reading more comments about the “ghost” living with her* yes I am haunted…..by crippling pressure and self doubt- — Marinette: some of you guys have been saying that I have a crush on Adrien Agreste. *stares at camera* Anyway- — Marinette: *just sewing* *there’s a bump on the roof* AHHH- Marinette: *into the camera* it’s okay, it’s just a cat. *lets the cat in* Chat Noir: Hi, so Ladybug was busy tonight and I’m bored and hungry. Mari: and what do I owe you-? :/ …except my life… hold on, imma get you some gosh darn food- Chat: *after Marinette returns with food while eating* oh my gosh, I love croissants. I never get them. Marinette: *while picking a fabric, does double take* what? Sir- you live in Paris, how do you NEVER get croissants?? Chat: *swallows* that goes into secret identity territory… Marinette: Ah darn. Okay. Well I guess you just live in a big castle all by yourself and you can’t have croissants because your too poor to hire a chef and can’t make them yourself. How sad. Chat: *nodding* it’s so sad. Marinette: yes, now hold this role of velvet- — Marinette: hey everybody it’s Marinette. You can call me Marinette. No, it is not short for Marie Antoinette. — Marinette: I live in Paris. Yes, we’re still alive despite Mothman outlawing sadness. *whispers close to the camera* which really sucks for me- Marinette: *messes up on a stitch* hold on *goes to her balcony to scream for a second* okay I’m good — Hey so Chat Noir is here again this ungrateful stray- but he doesn’t want to sew tonight, so we’re going to bake cinnamon rolls, and I am just appalled because -honest to goodness- I swear he is a real cat because he has never baked anything in his life?? Sir did you never bake cookies with your mom? Wait- don’t answer that. Anyway, we’re changing the channel name to Marinette Bakes now I guess- (the channel is actually called Marinette Makes or something.) — She ends up having to do an interview with editing help from Alya to prove that she’s not Ladybug when people start theorizing. — Marinette: *walking down the street after fabric shopping* that’s Chloe Bourgeois. We are going to avoid her. She’s the mayors daughter. And we are not going to say anything else about her because, you guessed it, she’s the mayor’s daughter. — Marinette: *mad that something didn’t work* *makes an animation of an akuma coming for her* oH NO- — Constant interruptions by akumas.

Anyway, the vibes are great and the possibilities are endless.

[dejwritesarchived]

okay we talked about toxic!gojo who makes nice with your mama , but imagine toxic!jason silver who gets invited to the cookout after you guys break up and has you on your knees for him after convincing you he just wants to talk;(

someone save me from the clutches of this man

let’s talk about it because we all know when you search up toxic on google, a picture of jason silver pops up. you’re coming to your mother's house where the annual summer family cookout is being hosted. you have the prettiest color sundress on that hugs your figure perfectly and your skin is practically glowing this lovely summer. jason and you called it quits after a heated argument, you're happy, you're flourishing, and just leaking with that black girl magic energy. your hugging your family members that's in the house and you go in the kitchen to greet your mother who's acting extremely weird. you brush that off and make your way to the backyard and your eye twitch in annoyance seeing jason playing spades with your dad and uncles while your grandmother is placing a plate of food in front of him. cause why is he here? you two broke up, right? why is your grandmother making him a plate? that's not even your grandchild grandma !!

when jason caught your harsh gaze, he's smirking. he have such a devious smirk on his face as he sip on your uncle's spiked punch (that's extremely strong by the way!) and cards in his hand. you're marching over to him and he gives you that charming grin he gives you that makes you soaked in between your thighs. "now that you're here, we need to talk." he'll say to you. his teeth grinding against his lower lip, tongue occasionally brushing against that lip ring of his. he's drinking in how good you look in that sundress. praying to the gods themselves that you're not wearing any panties because he had a plan.

you weren't quite sure how the situation led to you on your knees, mouth that was supposed to be full of cookout food but instead is full with jason's cock. tears brimming from your eyelash line as jason's hips thrusting forward. the wet gagging sound was bouncing off the walls of your room as your innocent-looking eyes were looking up at jason with such a modest expression. your own drool decorated your pretty sundress now, but you didn't care. you only cared to watch jason's head fall back in complete ecstasy as he stroked your hair out your face. his words of praise falling from his lips caused you to grow wet. croaked groans from the back of his throat while his cock disappeared in your mouth bit by bit.

"shit—" he'll stutter, realizing that no woman's mouth felt better than yours when they wrapped around his thick cock. it was just something about the way your wet tongue licked at that one thick vein on the shaft of jason's dick. or perhaps it was the way your perfect hands cupped at his heavy balls.

"keep this up, i'm going have to fuck a baby in you so i can feel this feeling forever."

bonus headcanon: you’ve been telling your cousin that you and jason broke up, so your cousin brought a guy that they were going to introduce you to just so you can get your feet back into the dating pool. cue your cousin staring in the imaginary camera like they in the office when they see you & jason leaving your childhood room while they were assigned to put your baby cousin in some random room to sleep !!

[katyasrussianaccent]

you’re so golden (corpse x reader)

Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?

Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!

You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.

Call you in 15. 

You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.

Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.

“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.

The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.

The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.

Incoming Facetime Audio

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.

You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker. 

“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.

“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.

There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.

You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single. 

“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.

You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”

He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.” 

You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”

He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do. 

“People on the internet say a lot of things.”

“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.

“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”

“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”

He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.

“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.

“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.

“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”. 

“And what would you cook for me?” he asks. 

You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”

He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I’ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”

You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.

“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.

He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”

“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

“You could always sing some for me,” he offers. 

You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”

“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.

“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.

“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.

You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.

“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.” 

You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.

It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in. 

“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.

You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it. 

“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”

“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time. 

“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”

“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.

“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts. 

“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.

“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.

The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar. 

The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.

“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for. 

“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.

“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”

“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.

“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.

“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else. 

“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.

“We can switch,” he replies.

“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.

“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.

You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.

“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.

“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”

“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.

“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.

“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.

You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.” 

Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen;  Felix has been killed.

“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.

“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”

“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.

“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.

“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.

“Oh. I was in um o2?”

“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.

“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.

“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.

“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that. 

“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you. 

“Hey,” you greet her.

“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body.  You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.

“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?” 

“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.

“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.

“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.

“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”

“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.

“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.

“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.

You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.

You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement. 

IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you. 

“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.

You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.

“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task. 

“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were. 

“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.

You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”

“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.

You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.

“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.

“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.

“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.

“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list. 

Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.

You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.

“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.

“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.

You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.”

“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.

“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.

“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?” 

Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.

“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.

“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.

“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.

“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.

“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.

“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.

“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.

“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.

You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.

“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit. 

“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!” 

You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands. 

“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.

TAGLIST (if youre bold, it wont let me tag): @teenageguitarist @fanworrior  @cherry-piee @mirahg  @clara-bee @cookinglovingalien @vir-tual @clubfairy @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @more-like-reyna @boiled-onionrings @moneybagmgk @brendalopez99 @delicateavenuenacho @dreamsofficialwife @hydrate-tion @little-red02 

[art-deco-shrimp]

@panvampirething explained it very well while I was at work (thank you!), but I wanted to take a moment to confirm that yes, this is what's going on here.

Apparently there's a growing trend amongst current teenagers (you whippersnappers 😉) of saying something as if it's to the chat portion of a live stream, and addressing the unseen audience as "chat". As near as I can tell, it's the most recent version of "Staring into the camera like I'm/you're in The Office", except now Adrien is confused over whether someone in class has figured out his secret identity, or if they're just using the latest lingo.

(Yes, this was inspired by personal experience. Half of it comes from a Tumblr post talking about using "chat" this way as a fourth person pronoun, and the other half comes from me actually reading a lapselock/caps-free Tumblr post that ended by doing that exact thing, and the momentary mental disconnect I had before I figured out whether it was "imaginary streaming channel chat" or "Chat Noir, hero of Paris". I can only imagine that it would be that much more difficult for Adrien!)

Another facet: l'Académie Française is basically the ...French language governing body? Like, they consider themselves in charge of the French language, especially in France, and are seriously pissed over French people who use English loan-words like "e-mail", and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if "chat" as used above (as opposed to the French word for cat) ended up as one of those words.

Despite the best efforts of l'Académie Française to prevent the use and spread of "Frenglish", even the Miracuclass has been dipping their toes into the new, primarily internet-related slang. Also despite what l'Académie Française may think, this is pretty much harmless...

...except for making Adrien Agreste twitch in his seat every time one of his classmates starts addressing an invisible streaming chat.

[ficsate]

Interrogation Room

The Stranger

Summary : The GCPD and our favourite fursuit richboi, Batman, decided to interview people who Riddler came in close contact with

Warning : Implied stalking (only following behind, nothing too extreme)

Word Count : 2,5k

“And why would I be here?”

You shifted inside the cold, dingy interrogation room that the GCPD had put you in for who knows how long. The clock’s too loud, your clothes feel weird. Even the cameras on the corners feel like giant eyes ready to lick you up. You sit in silence, your legs bouncing. You recall how they pushed you around after they found you on the street. They flashed you their badge, and the next thing you know, you’re in their car, and they told you that they needed answers. Then you question yourself if the cops are really the good guys. It’s not even the suspicious part of town; you were walking around the central areas. In broad daylight! The whole commotion of bad guys should happen in the nighttime. Or what you suspected as the main reason, aka the Riddler thingy, should happen on the far other side of the city. But the officer stood there, arms folded in, eyes scanning you up and down. It’s maybe just you, but you get a ‘Dad is disappointed’ vibe from him.

“We’re here because you’re one of the last contacts with the Riddler.”

Your chair moved as you snapped forward at him. You push the table, enough for it to budge.

“I don’t even know who that guy is, Officer!” You fold your arms in. With all due respect, the only answer you’ll get from me will be ‘I don’t know’ or ‘maybe’ at best.”

“Okay then, we’ll go straight to the interview.”

As the middle-aged officer starts to sit, there’s someone on the corner menacingly watching over both of you. If you’re correct, that guy should be the Batman that the news loses their heads over. With the entire animal ear, a leather getup, and a dramatic cape, you can’t be wrong. Right after you examine Batman, the officer slides up two pictures and an unlabelled DVD. A blurry pic of you getting out of an apartment and you in a downtown diner, smiling at a stranger two seats beside you. Well, now you know, that stranger you talked to was the Riddler.

“These are the documented locations of your entering the Riddler’s territory, and this is you.” He taps his pen on the second pic.

“Are you in close contact with him?”

“And how am I supposed to know anything about a guy I smiled at once because, no hidden meaning, he’s kind of cute?”

You can hear him gasp. Well, not exactly gasp, but he’s inhaling pretty loud for you to hear. Batman also fidgets after you said that.

“Anyway, because of your proximity to Riddler’s and other supporting clues, we need to ask you some questions, and we hope you’re telling us the truth.”

You nod, staring at the silhouette on the corner, who’s looking pretty freaky now that you can’t see anything but the whites of his eyes. He blinks, and you can’t help but cough to stop yourself from laughing. He’s kind of scary.

“A few days before the mayor is killed, we found this footage of you entering the Riddler’s apartment. We deemed it suspicious since a few minutes after you get out, he exits through the emergency stairs on the back. Are you perhaps acquainted with him?”

“No? No, I’m not”

“Then, pray tell, what did you do that night? Did you meet him? Or does it happen to be a friend’s house?”

…

That was a cold night. You were walking through the puddles and trash cluttered around the road. There’s a heavy smell of smoke even though it rains. You held your bag tighter. Around your fingers hung your keys, and you were ready to bash your fist into someone’s face if you had to.

The footsteps behind you always lingered at a pace as you walked. It’s as if they’re trying to distance themself. Paranoia always saves you, even if at times it’s more of an inconvenience. The corner of your eyes won’t lie and make up an imaginary person. Optimism is a weakness in Gotham, and that person behind you wasn’t just a guy who wanted to go home. You sensed that they were getting closer, so you dashed into the apartment that you didn’t know. To dodge them. You’re hoping they won’t follow you.

The steps did not go any further once you entered the apartment’s hallway. You sprint to the lift on the corner. With the steady fast steps echoing around you, you push the button more than once. I hope that it’ll make the door shut faster. It didn’t. You saw, at the entrance, someone stepped in with wet soles. It’s that guy.

The lift stopped at floor three. You pushed other buttons to get out. You ran to the stairs before hearing the distant sound of someone going up. It wasn’t a safe choice, knowing that they might go through it in a moment. So you went inside a little niche on the wall. It was deep enough to hide you. Eyes on the stairs. You were afraid that once you turned your back, someone would catch you.

You felt your heart pounding, drumming so loud it almost made a ringing sound. You heard nothing except the rain, then. After your back hit the walls, you covered your mouth and crouched inside. No more echoes of steps, no dings of lifts indicating they are being used. It’s almost too quiet. The keys dug into your palm, but they kept you grounded. You still did. Making sure there were no sounds around. Especially from the one that chased you off the tube. Nothing. It must be safe to go. You pushed out. Unfortunately for you, your shoes squeaked. For a moment, you felt like a deer in a headlight, except the headlight was a bunch of hunters with flashlights. You couldn’t move; your heart was pounding too hard. Your neck felt like there were tons of weight on it, so when you saw the shoes stopped in front of you, you couldn’t budge.

“Huh? So, do you live here? Or-”

You rushed out while looking down, pocketing your key and clutching your bag tightly. You couldn’t see their faces. Even better that you didn’t see them. The niche faced the stairs, so you just dashed. Bumping that person on your way down. His voice reminds you of your cheery, annoying teacher from back in the day. The kind that will joke around during class but will assign you two chapters’ worth of homework. It made the hair on your nape stand straight up.

Afterwards, there was nothing notable that you remembered in detail. You know that you’re determined to get out. It was a bad decision for you to go to a colleague for some documents that you needed to submit two days later. As you went outside, the smell of smoke once again choked you. There were no signs of life except for the faint sound of rain and some gangs beating up someone in the corner where you came from. You’re quick to leave the place. You’re glad that your colleague had a car and owed you a favour or two. You went home after you gave them the files they needed for the weekend.

…

“That’s it?”

“Listen, Sir, a guy followed me, lurked behind, and kept his distance. If you ask me, that’s how someone gets murdered around here.” On your peripheral, you see Batman tilting his head, making a ‘that’s not wrong’ gesture.

“Okay, so no clue about the apartment situation. You didn’t see his face?”

“I was looking down.” You’re emphasizing the ‘down’. “But he wore this greenish parka-like jacket, if that helps.”

The officer scrunched his eyebrows. Perhaps what you said was actually an important clue or something. He slides the second photo, tapping on the guy who is supposed to be the infamous Riddler. You squint. Your sight is getting blurry from the dim lighting. The picture was taken by screenshotting CCTV footage. It’s grainy, but from the hair and the clothes alone, you can’t say that it isn’t you.

“You want the short one, or do you want the one with details?”

“Details, no matter how unimportant they may be.”

You jumped when Batman spoke. He has the voice you use when you just woke up, and you need to answer the phone. Some say it’s sexy, in a way, but you find it mildly irritating for the throat because of how dry it’ll be.

“Okay, then. So-”

…

You walked into the diner. It was late. Correction. It was midnight, but you had a deadline the next day and decided you’d need all the caffeine you could get as fuel. There were three people at that diner. A couple chatting beside the window, and a guy two seats away from the corner of the bar. The TV showed a grainy display of a well-known talk show. It served as mere ambience rather than entertainment. You sat a few seats away from the guy who called for the waiter for your order. You nodded in agreement when the waiter reconfirmed your order and left to get it. The guy beside you was hunched over while writing something. He wore a navy blue jacket. From that slight peek, you might have guessed he’s scribbling words on a newspaper. Maybe he’s doing crosswords.

As the waiter left, you could hear the guy beside you scribbling something louder than before. Looking at him, it got concerning fast. He got aggressive, and just as you were mesmerized by how hard (no pun intended) he got, you saw him looking straight at you. The fluorescent blueish lamp made him look greenish. There was something off-putting about him. Sort of a baby face. His eyes were manic, and his strange swamp-ish brown hair was tousled in all the right places to make him appear pitiful.

“Here you go. Please ring the bell if you want to pay.”

“Okay, thanks.”

The food came hot, and the drinks came just the way you liked them. Yet the sharp greenish eyes made you unable to turn away from him. You picked up your drink, not breaking any eye contact. To cut the awkwardness, you smiled at him. He also replied with one, though the smile was more freaky. It’s a smile you saw on TV when the villain won in that episode. You slurped your drink as you looked away. Tucking your hair behind your ear as you did.

There’s a blur in your memories where you met him. Except that after those awkward smiles and a sense of menace oozing out of him. You talked with him. Small talks about the weather and the current situations in Gotham. And how fast it went into an unlikely friendship. The kind where those random greetings you threw at strangers turned into an hour-long conversation without knowing each other’s identity. It came to a point where both of your food and drinks were finished and cold, yet none of you were showing any sign of wanting to leave. In an attempt to keep the awkward silence away, you told the officer a specific part of you asking about his riddles.

“I liked riddles, actually. Shame that Riddler guy ruined its reputation.”

“That’s unfortunate, so what’s your favourite?” You moved closer, interested in hearing what he’d say.

“What?” He choked on his latte. “My riddles?”

“Yeah! You said you had your favourite, so what is it?”

He was quiet for a moment. But his eyes didn’t leave you. It’s like he’d examined you. Trying to pick a riddle that’ll suit you. Or that’s what you thought.

“This is for when you don’t know me. This is for when you forget me. This is for remembering me. What am I?”

“Tsk.” You backed up. “That’s hard.”

“Hard?” He chuckled. “I thought you were smarter than that. Try again-”

Your eyes turned to him. There’s a slight glint of naughtiness inside those eyes. It intrigued you to get close to him.

…

“That’s it?”

The officer put down his pen in frustration. It’s hard to see, but it seems like Batman is scowling over your stories. Ooh, you hope that your freaky little story about chatting with some guy didn’t make it to the newspaper, or else you’re doomed for life. The officer is standing up now. Wow, what parts of it make them ticked off like this?

“You said. You encountered the Riddler twice, and none of them were meaningful enough as clues.”

“It’s your words, officer. Not mine-”

“We’re asking you for your cooperation!”

“And I am cooperating!”

You’re in disbelief. All that you said was the truth. He happens to be a random guy who talks too much once you start a conversation with him. And he happens to be the most wanted criminal.

“Look! Believe me or not, but I was saying the truth, Officer. He and I have no connection.”

“Wait, Gordon. They didn’t answer the riddle.”

You turned to him. The Batman. He shows himself in the light. Like a dramatic vampire making his presence known. You can see the details of his armour now.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t?!”

You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t know. Okay? The Riddler thought too highly of my intelligence at the time.”

“So he let you go? Because you couldn’t answer it?”

“I forgot the details. But he said something like, 'I’m no fun’ before we decided to leave.”

The officer didn’t buy your story; it was written on his face. But Batman comes forward. He held off the officer by his shoulder. Looking at you, as if trying to dig the truth from your eyes. But you’ve told them everything. You told them there were no funny details about the Riddler that night. He chatted, and because it’s late, you both decided to go home.

The officer, or as Batman said that his name is Gordon, sighs and lets you go from the interrogation room. He briefly tells you how the DVD contains the video footage version of the photos he shows you. He showed you the silent footage. There’s nothing different from your stories. You looked as if you saw a ghost of the past in the first video, and it shows your back slowly getting closer to the Riddler’s. Fast forwarding through it, it matched your stories. The footage shows you’re taken aback by how his body moves, showing that he’s laughing. You shake your head and place some cash on the bar. He stayed there and left not too long after. And the footage ends there. Well, you’re not wrong when you say you were leaving after that.

Gordon thanked you before he accompanied you on your way out. He apologized for the inconvenience and told you about how the Riddler, though behind bars, is something to be reckoned with. Remembering the news of how some of his followers even went along with his plan, it gave you the full picture. Batman, trailing behind both of you, told you to be safe and to confide in the police if anything happened. You nodded. As weird as Gotham is, there’s no harm in relying on the police for safety. Looking at him, the dim orange light from the lamp illuminates his sharp jawline. You thought maybe you’d meet again next time. Once you get to the entrance, they bid you goodbye before you’re on your way. The air was strangely clean that night.

[taechnological]

tell me why i have developed this occasional habit of staring into the camera like i'm in the office when something ridiculous happens like jimin does except he actually has cameras around him all the time and mine are purely imaginary