#me sister hits harder than you boy

[kitten4sannie]

ateez and corruption kinks… that’s it I just had to let that out into the void

communion

pairing: priest! yunho x nun! reader (fem)

summary: priest jeong wishes to share another communion with the most beloved member of the monastery.

wc: 1.1k

warnings: for the love of god (lol) if sacrilegious smut isn’t your thing do NOT read this,, however if it IS wellll i got something good for you <3, wine drinking, but like, in an unconventional way lmao, nasty perverted dom! yuyu, subby cock hungry! reader (can we blame her tho?), implied sex slave training, oral (giving/receiving), deepthroating, finger sucking, cum eating, implied toy usage (the toy is um….well…a religious object…)

a/n: oh nonnie idt you realize what you’ve unleashed with that ask ^^ there’s nothing i love more than corruption 🖤 physical, emotional, psychological ughhhh,,, anyways writers block and some shitty real life stuff have been taking turns beating me up the past couple months so i thought this might be a good escape for me :3 i hope you enjoy <33

p.s: i’ll be posting two more fics with a corruption theme very soonnn,, one features perverted bsf wooyoung and the other involves frat boy sannie 🫶🏼

song rec: take me to church - hozier (i mean come on….)

No matter how dark the communal church grew in the late hours of the night, the bright light of the moon still shone through the fragmented mosaic glass, now casting a myriad of gleaming crosses across your face and body as you sat on your knees upon the altar. You raised your hands up to begin worshipping your Lord in the way you were taught by Father Jeong, gingerly opening his robes to unveil the point of your focus.

Yunho lifted up a ceremonial bell and rung it once, his robes pooling around his feet, watching as your thighs squeezed tightly together underneath your heavy garments, your shaky exhale fanning over his exposed, twitching cock, finding the unyielding look of pure lust inside your eyes to be so beautiful he could shed a tear. Over the many, many communions you’ve shared together, it seemed that the bell reminded you of your loyalty to him and to your shared savior, of the pleasure you shared all in the name of God.

He pushed your veil off to expose your hair, before he placed his large hands on either side of your head, his long, slender fingers wrapping securely around it. “And, what do we say now, Sister L/N?” he asked softly, as though he were testing you, dragging his tongue over his top set of teeth, letting out a few heavy breaths.

“O’ Lord, for which I am about to receive, is truly your most precious Body and your life-giving blood, which, I pray, makes me worthy to receive for the remission of all my sins and for everlasting life,” you recited your prayer like many times before, the wetness between your thighs everlasting, watching Father Jeong let go of your head for a second to pick up a chalice of wine from the ceremony table behind him.

Yunho held the gold chalice just above his waist, growing that much harder as the dark liquid began to pour down his long, curved length, spilling off of his sticky tip and dripping into your open mouth. “The Blood of Christ…” He watched you swallow it all down, like the obedient servant you were. Something this sinful simply had to be holy, didn’t it? He swallowed down the abundant saliva that filled his mouth. “Ahh?” he voiced, like he was waiting for you to say something.

“Amen,” you sighed out, licking the remnants of wine and pre-cum from your lips, your trembling fingers clasping around his bare hips.

“Amen.”

Yunho then thrusted forward until he hit the back of your parched throat, eagerly dragging you back and forth along his sizable cock, using you like the faithful cocksleeve you were, the repetitive sounds of squelching, gagging, and muffled moaning sending delightful shivers down his spine, much like the sacred hymns did to him every morning during mass. “Sister L/N, your throat has molded to the shape of my cock, has it not? Bonding with me all these long nights, over and over, it’s like you were made for me, and only me. Tell me, Sister, does taking the Body of Christ down your throat make you feel closer to God?”

You let out a stunted, pleased moan, blinking a few tears out of your dazed, half closed eyes, watching as a blurry version of Father Jeong brought his rosary up to his lips to kiss it. Due to being trained so consistently, you knew to relax your jaw and throat in order to take all of him without fail, your gag reflex nonexistent, simply drooling all over his long, heavy cock instead, much to Yunho’s delight.

“Oh, God, let His will be done….” He hunched over slightly, in order to pound himself into the back of your throat over and over, thick strands of pre-cum and saliva dripping from your chin and landing onto your previously pristine garments, his fingers closing in around your bulging throat to feel himself moving inside it. It was simply too much for the priest to handle. “So…nnngh–sovereign, so pure, this divinity…” Yunho expressed between heavy pants, suddenly pulling out until his twitching cockhead rested against your splayed out tongue. “Sister L/N, you must show me something heavenly so that I may fill you with the Holy Spirit. Be quick, for I am at my limit…”

Licking the beads of pre-cum from his slit, you began to lift up the layers of your tunic until your bare cunt glistened underneath the moonlight that was casted over you like a spotlight, the edges of your skin glowing as though you were a real life angel, one that was sent down from above to tempt Yunho, especially now that he could see you in your most vulnerable state. “Father Jeong, please see what I’ve done for you. I’ve kept myself full…so that I may take you inside properly…”

It was then that Father Jeong fell to his knees before you, looking up at the slick heaven in between your thighs, before leaning in to lap up the abundant wetness from your lips, his hot tongue practically melting against your cunt as he ate you out like a starved man, spreading your open with his ringed thumbs. Maintaining steady eye contact with you, he slowly pulled the hood of your clit back to expose your weak point, wrapping his plush lips around it as he began to suck and lick until he had you trembling above him, your nails digging into the dense wood of the pews. “Cum before me,” he commanded, dragging his tongue along your fluttering slit up to your throbbing clit until you let out a beautifully broken cry.

You spread your trembling thighs open just enough to allow what was filling you up the entire time to slowly come sliding out, both you and the priest letting out a similar gasp once it did. A thick, slick-covered silver cross landed inside Yunho’s open palm. He watched diligently as you lifted it up to his mouth, not even having to say anything as he sucked it clean. Without exchanging words, Yunho stood back and squeezed his throbbing cock, just as you lowered yourself back down onto your knees with a loving smile, watching with pride as he began to shudder, long spurts of his hot cum landing onto your tongue and disappearing down your throat.

“What a thing of beauty….” The priest swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath. “You never fail to bring me close to our Savior, my dear,” he praised, reaching down to rub the remaining remnants of his seed over your swollen lips and onto your tongue with his thumb, pulling it away from your mouth and licking the last of his saltiness off of his digit himself.

“It’s all for the greater good,” you softly replied, slowly standing up and hiking up your now soiled garments, so that you could bend over the pew, spreading yourself wide, opening the gates of your heaven and giving Yunho access like every blissful night before. “Now, please allow me to bring you even closer.”

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© kitten4sannie, 2024.

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Sober Words, Drunk Attitudes

Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader, Cas & Winchester reader

Requested by Anonymous (x2)

Synopsis: you get drunk for the first time, and the boys have to clean up the mess (figuratively)

Warnings: underage drinking (don’t do that guys, this is for fictional purposes only—I think drinking is horrible for people, but obviously you do you, just don’t take this as an endorsement), that’s it, it’s all fluff

Bars were stupid. Bars were a waste of time. You never wanted to step into a bar again.

You’d been sitting on a barstool for over an hour, and aside from being drop-dead exhausted, you were also sick of drunk adults bumping into you.

Everyone seemed to be having more fun than you, too; the (very drunk) adults were dancing around and flirting and chatting, meanwhile you were pouting on a stool waiting for your brothers.

“Dean!” You caught your brother’s arm as he walked past you. “Dean, can we go?”

“Not yet.” Dean’s voice was slightly slurred—he was supposed to be talking to a witness, but leave it to him to get tipsy. “I’ve got a couple more people to talk to, so sit tight.” Dean ignored your attempts at protest as he pulled his arm free and brushed past you.

You groaned, slumping back in your seat. Something poked into your side, and you reached down to see what it was. It was your ID poking you through your pocket. You’d needed the (obviously fake) ID to get into the bar. But that wasn’t all it was good for…

You waved at the bartender.

“I’ll have what he’s got,” you said, gesturing over at Sam who was chatting up some chick. He was usually the lighter drinker compared to Dean, so you figured you could take whatever he was drinking.

“How old are you?” The bartender’s face was scrunched in suspicion as he eyed you. In response, you waved your ID in front of his face. He stared at it for a long moment before relenting.

You didn’t hesitate when you got your drink—you were sick of waiting for Sam and Dean, and the last thing you needed was to get yelled at if they found you drinking. You cringed as the butter liquid hit your tastebuds—there was no way your brothers actually liked this stuff. Or maybe Sam was just crap at picking good drinks.

Regardless, when you finished the drink you ordered another one, downing it faster than the first one. Your nerves felt like they were vibrating—you couldn’t tell if you liked that feeling or not—and within twenty minutes you were relaxed and swaying to the music with the other drunk people. Well, most of them were drunk; some of them just had more confidence than you.

Soon though, the alcohol was starting to hit you harder, and you found it hard to keep your balance, your sway no longer intentional.

“Hey!” You turned when you felt a hand on your arm, tripping over someone’s foot and falling right into Sam’s arm. “What are you doing?” He demanded.

“Dancing.” You giggled. Your grin dropped suddenly as you glanced around. “Heyy, where’s De?”

“I don’t know,” Sam brushed off your question. “Look at me. Would you stand still?” Sam now had both of your shoulders gripped in his hands as he tried to keep you from jumping around looking for Dean.

“Where’s Dean?” You whined. “I want—I want…” your lip was quivering now.

“Are you…crying?” Sam asked.

You rubbed your eyes. “No,” you sniffled. “I want Dean.”

“Are you…” Sam was all but gaping at you. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m…” you whimpered. “I’m sorry, Sammy.” You stepped up to Sam and wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his shirt.

“Whoa whoa, hey, easy,” Sam soothed. “Honey, calm down.” Sam huffed, muttering under his breath, “I guess we know what kind of drunk you are.” Louder, he said, “I’m gonna help you find De, ok? He’s right around here somewhere.”

“M-k,” you mumbled, pulling away a little but grabbing Sam’s hand in your own. “Let’s go.”

“Ok,” Sam chuckled. “Let’s go.”

“Dean!” It took about four seconds for you to spot him in the small bar, and fifteen more to actually fight your way over to him. Your grip on Sam’s hand made it harder for you, as he wasn’t as able to weave through the crowd as easily as your smaller frame.

“Hey, are you done alre—hey!” Dean stiffened in surprise when you wrapped your arms around him and wouldn’t let go. “What the heck is going on with you?”

“She’s drunk,” Sam huffed. “And apparently clingy.”

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered again, your voice muffled against Dean’s shirt.

“Are you…is she…crying?” Dean demanded, pulling you away. “Hey, kid, it’s ok.”

“I wanna go now,” you sniffled.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Dean huffed. “Let’s go.”

“I’ll join you out there,” Sam said. “I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”

You were too busy fiddling with a button on Dean’s shirt as if you’d never seen it before, so you didn’t hear Sam. When you turned and he was gone, Dean flinched in surprise when you started to cry again.

“Where’s Sammy?” You sobbed, tugging on Dean’s arm. “We have to find him.”

“Ok, hey, take it easy,” Dean insisted. “He’s going to the bathroom. Let’s get you out to the car.”

“I don’t want to, I wanna find Sammy,” you cried.

“Yeah, well, you’re not allowed in there so…” when you kept crying and tugging on Dean’s arm, he took matters into his own hands—literally. “Ok, let’s go.” Dean grunted as he lifted you into his arms and carried you out of the bar. The lack of concern from the people around him about a man carrying a crying girl out of a bar was concerning, but also helpful; he wasn’t stopped or questioned, and he was able to bundle you into the car without too much trouble.

“Just…c’mon, help me out here and sit still,” Dean demanded as he struggled to get a seat belt on you.

“Sam!” You called out suddenly, and you were distracted enough for Dean to finally click your belt into place.

“Never let her get drunk again,” Sam said as he slid into the car, avoiding your grabby hands.

“Deal,” Dean huffed.

You were halfway to the bunker before you stopped crying and trying to grab at the front seat. In fact, you were so quiet that Dean looked back in the backseat to make sure you were ok.

“You don’t look so good,” he said.

“I don’t feel very good, De,” you mumbled, swaying a little in your seat.

“Just don’t puke in the car,” Dean demanded, pressing his foot down on the gas pedal.

You made it to the bunker without incident, but when Dean tried to go to his room you hung on his arm.

“Don’t leave me,” you whined. “Please?”

“Wow, you really need to go to bed,” Dean insisted. “C’mon, you gotta sleep this off.”

“Nooo,” you begged. “I’m not tired, I don’t wanna sleep.”

“Yes you do,” Dean said. “Let’s go.” He all but dragged you over to your room, pushing you down on your bed and helping you pull off your shoes. “Now stay,” he demanded, tucking you in tightly before turning and leaving, shutting off the lights and closing the door.

“Dean!” The second he was out of your sight, you started to cry again. You pulled at the sheets, but Dean tucked them in too tight for your uncoordinated fingers to undo.

“De! Sammy! Let me out!” When no one came, you tried another tactic. “Cas!”

“What’s wrong?” It only took a minute before the flutter of wings announced Cas’s arrival. “You sounded distressed, and—“ Cas froze at the sight of you, tangled up in your sheets and crying. “What’s going on?”

“I got drunk and Dean’s making me sleep and I don’t wanna sleep and I can’t get out of these sheets!” Is what you tried to say, but between your drunken slur and your sobbing, Cas understood something like, “I’mm drr, and De…mmmm…slee…wanna…sheets!”

“I…” Cas just stared at you for a moment, before finally deciding to free you from your prison. He yanked the sheets free, and you fell out of bed, hitting the floor hard. “Y/N!” Cas exclaimed, running around the bed to stand by you. “Are you ok?”

You just groaned, holding your head like you thought it would fall off.

“Ok,” Cas grunted, grabbing onto your arm and helping you up. “I think we should get you to your brothers.”

“I want Sam and Dean,” you sobbed, and Cas understood even through your slurs.

“Ok, ok, I’m taking you to them,” he soothed. “Just calm down.”

“Cas?” Dean froze halfway down the hallway when he saw the angel holding tightly onto your arm to keep you from stumbling. “What are you doing here?”

“Your little sister called,” Cas huffed. “She wants you.”

“I told you to go to sleep,” Dean said, turning to you.

“I don’t want to, I wanna stay with you,” you mumbled, pulling away from Cas and stumbling your way over to Dean.

“Ok, ok,” Dean relented. “How about we go watch a movie in my Dean cave, ok?”

“Can Sammy come?” The waterworks had already returned in full force when you realized you didn’t see Sam.

“Hey hey, easy,” Dean brushed your tears away. “‘Course Sammy can come. Cas—“ Dean shot Cas a pointed glare. “Cas can go find him and you and me can pick a movie.”

“M-k.” Dean was relieved when you finally stopped crying. “Can you carry me?”

“I’m never letting you forget this,” Dean mumbled under his breath. Louder, he said, “of course, sweetheart,” and he lifted you into his arms.

I’m the Dean Cave, Dean let you use him as a pillow while you watched the movie—mostly because you started crying if he was too far away—and he was silently smug about the fact that now that Cas was here, you wouldn’t let him leave either.

“I never wanna see her drunk again,” Sam insisted, and it was then that Dean saw you were finally asleep, drooling on his shirt.

“That makes two of us,” Dean scoffed. “I’ve never seen her like that.”

“Sure you have.” Sam suddenly had a nostalgic smile on his face, and Dean waited for him to continue. “She used to be like that when she was little, like, like really little. She wouldn’t let us go to school without grabbing onto our legs and begging us to stay with her, remember that?”

“Oh yeah.” Dean chuckled. “Yeah she used to cry like crazy until dad had to drag her away.”

“And if he wasn’t there—“

“Then good luck getting to school,” Dean finished for Sam, and they both grinned.

“She cares about you two a lot,” Cas spoke up.

“Yeah.” The easy smile on Dean’s face suddenly dropped.

“But when that hangover hits tomorrow, she’s gonna hate everyone.”

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[hotwaterandmilk]

I've been scanning the Yami no Purple Eye art book and it got me thinking about why I still feel so strongly about Shinohara Chie's horror-tinged works in particular. They don't have the sweeping settings, period detail or political intrigue of her historical titles, but they're still the works of hers I revisit most often.

I love the way Shinohara captures the physical and psychological horror of being a teenage girl. How truly overwhelming it can be to come into a new physical state and be hit by heightened strengths and fears. All while grappling with how to reconcile this new, hungry state with the "good girl" you were before the change. It's the way she combines this age-old puberty parable with an escalated 80s bent on 40s Hollywood female monstrosity that never fails to linger in my mind.

Let me unpack my rambling thoughts on this a bit and yeah they are pretty rambly I'm sorry I've got that neurological thing going on and it makes being articulate harder than it has ever been before. Forgive me!

Spoilers, bloody images and rambling re: Yami no Purple Eye, Ao no Fuuin, Umi no Yami Tsuki no Kage and Mizu ni Sumu Hana below.

The heroines of Shinohara's longer horror works are all seemingly average girls who are awakened to something horrific within them as teenagers (be it Rinko as panther, Ruka to psychic abilities, or Souko as an oni). Suddenly they're overcome not just by abilities but feelings, appetites, desires. They go from being good, average girls to young women battling forces within them stronger than anything known to science. There's always a boy there to support them through this, but they feel otherwise isolated or dangerous, unable to seek support from anyone else.

Yami no Purple Eye is frequently compared to the 1942 film Cat People and understandably so - in both you have a beautiful young woman descendended from "cat people" whose beastial side can take over when base urges overcome their normally sweet demeanor (though this film is absolutely not the first example of a 'cat person' in speculative fiction). The major difference, I would posit (aside from the more explicitly sexual nature of Cat People's change), is that Irena is an adult and while she also struggles with her identity and powers this battle is not new to her, she is hopeful for a way out but also somewhat resigned to the way things are.

Rinko from Yami no Purple Eye is new to being a panther, she is fearful of her secret getting out but also fearful of herself, of her purple eyes and her "unnatural" urges. While so much of Cat People is a relatively subtle look at female sexuality as a monstrosity in itself, Yami no Purple Eye shows a transformation that at puberty can be harnessed as a form of protection but also remains linked to the animal kingdom and not "enlightened" modern human society.

While Rinko's incredible strength saves her from all sorts of precarious situations, it feels new and out of her control. It isolates her from normal humans and it paints a target on her her back for Kaoruko, the primary antagonist of the series. I think what makes these pubescent power awakenings so alarming for all Shinohara's horror heroines is this lack of control. They didn't willingly trigger their transformation, they don't understand it properly, and they cannot control it. Ultimately each of them goes through a period of feeling incredible isolation from human society, which is common in a lot of speculative texts where the lead finds themselves estranged from society at large.

In Umi no Yami, Tsuki no Kage Ruka has the double-whammy of losing her normal life and her twin sister, Rumi, who has become deranged while coming into her own psychic powers. Although Ruka has the support of love-interest Katsuyuki, it is this love rivalry which put a wedge between her and her sister in the first place. At times, Ruka feels lost with all the destruction triggered by the sisters' transformation, held by Katsuyuki but with a 1000 yard stare in her eyes. Both Ruka and Rumi know deep down that only they can defeat one another, but how do you defeat your identical twin? How do you fight what is essentially your shadow self and your base instincts run riot?

It requires an understanding of the transformation, an acceptance of the change that has taken place, and a peace with what must come next - all of which takes Ruka the better part of 18 volumes to achieve. Mizu ni Sumu Hana takes a shorter route on a similar theme with the two Rikkas and the seeds, giving us another set of two near identical yet drastically different girls fighting for survival.

And being a teenage girl in these stories is very much focused on trying to survive. Another consistency across all these series that underscores the isolation of the heroines is the loss of those around them. Family members and friends are murdered or manipulated indiscriminately. Even if Shinohara's heroines try to seek support from someone other than their love interest, it is very quickly put to a stop by an opposing force. For a young woman in these worlds, struggling to understand her new body and changed mind, there is no option for support outside a male romantic interest.

That in itself is horrifying (though admittedly not as well-examined within text as I'd like, it certainly does feel like a comment) but it becomes a hell of a lot worse if your love interest's goals are at odds with your own. We see this with Souko in Ao no Fuuin who is revealed to be an oni that must survive by consuming humans. Her (false) memories are human and she has only recently learned of her oni nature so understandably she doesn't want to be a predator, yet she must eat people to survive. Akira, her love interest, rather than being a dutiful normal boy like Shin'ya in Yami no Purple Eye, is from an opposing family tasked with destroying her.

Eventually Akira's affection for Souko outweighs his duty to eliminate her and the two work together to try and figure out a way for her to become human and thus no longer require defeating. But initially in Ao no Fuuin, Souko is entirely alone with her growing hunger and power, unable to confide in anyone and unsupported by a romantic interest which proves just as isolating as it sounds. Like Rinko, Souko has gaps in her memory, a sensation that she's done something unnatural but a desperate need to be wrong about it, to be proven human despite all evidence to the contrary. As both heroines have entered their teenage years they have lost all they knew of stability, family and normalcy to have it be replaced by the uncanny, unnatural and unacceptable.

To have the body and mind become unreliable in your teenage years, to feel overwhelmed by forces you didn't know were within you, to feel like you're the only one experiencing such horrors... I mean it's all a big puberty metaphor isn't it? And yeah, to a degree these stories are simply turning the horror dial up to eleven on a cross-cultural feeling of coming into the power and bodily changes of adulthood before your mind can catch up with them (though in the case of Shinohara's stories every lead is shown to be attracted to the opposite sex and not explored as being anything other than cis, so there's definitely a lot left unexplored regarding pubscent queerness in her worlds).

All of Shinohara's long-form horror heroines seem to go through a period of grasping back for the safety and "normalness" of their childhood selves, of who they were before their body and mind betrayed them. Souko repeats to herself countless times that she is human not necessarily because she knows it to be true, but because she wants it to be true. She longs for who she believes she once was and we see similar grief for Rinko and Ruka, now awakened to their new lives as teenage monsters, as they reflect back on the comforting dullness of the recent past with a newfound appreciation and longing.

Ultimately, however, Souko was never a normal teenage girl. Rinko's power was dormant but she was always of panther blood. Rikka was always going to be used as a pawn between black and white dragons. Only Ruka, whose power was awakened after surviving a near-fatal bacterial infection, ever had an entirely normal human childhood and even then she must accept that what she and her sister had in their innocence can never be rediscovered. For some of these heroines there was never a "normal" to go back to and even for those that did have a glimpse at average life, it is ultimately gone from their grasp regardless. Time marches ever onward and for these young women there is no ability to wind back the clock, they must continue forward like all of us, even if their awakening to adulthood is more violent and bloody than most.

While everything I've touched on so far seems absolutely godawful, I think it's important to tie this all together with a bow of hope. Shinohara Chie's long-form horror and suspense stories put all their leads through the wringer, but they are never without hope. There is some degree of happiness out there for all her heroines, victims of circumstance and blood. However, it is not the happiness they had anticipated for themselves as adults and I think that is key to the whole exercise. Shinohara's heroines can at times be passive, clinging desperately to the idea that they can reverse what cannot be reversed. But in the end they must accept and embrace their new bodily powers. Just as we all must accept adulthood even when it doesn't adhere to our childhood hopes and dreams.

Rinko goes through absolute hell to try to get her happy ending and ultimately she doesn't get it, but her daughter Mai does manage to carve out a sense of happiness just by being with the man she loves. Souko can shed her obligation to the Kimon and be with Akira because her previous incarnation's daughter willingly takes on the role of heir for her. Ruka can live on but to do so must kill a willing Rumi and accept that what happened to them will ultimately be forgotten by the greater consciousness. Both Rikkas are revived and can choose their ultimate lifespan as the lost lotus flowers blossom once more.

None of these are your traditional happy ending, but what links them together is a sense of sacrifice. Part of the journey into adulthood, into surviving the horror of having a body as a teenage girl, is accepting the flawed state of adulthood. It comes at considerable sacrifice and it isn't necessarily what you dreamed it would be, but it is yours and you got where you are as an adult through the blood, sweat and tears of your younger self. There's a beauty to that and to Shinohara's flawed heroines and their often patchy narratives. Having a body can be horrific, it can be overwhelming, and it is inherently isolating... but it is essential to experiencing the beauty we do have in this world.

And idk I just think that's neat.

Shinohara isn't an artist to everyone's tastes and I do think there are strengths to her historical tales that perhaps aren't as present in her more horrific works, but her super powered horror stories manage to capture a type of pubescent alarm that a lot of other authors cannot master. While all these works do feel dated to a degree and present a limited scope of gender and sexuality, there's something I find timeless about revisiting the horror and joy of being a girl both cursed and blessed with the burden of a body.

-

Edit 14/10/24: I would like to point out that my use of the term "horror" here relates to consistent thematic elements presented in these series rather than their specific genre labels, roots in other sub-genres or relation to other foundational texts outside of Shinohara's oeuvre.

Shinohara's speculative work is frequently labeled battle/suspense manga (with some shorter works earning a 'suspense horror' description at their most intense) and I am in no way disagreeing with these labels or trying to relabel the above titles as strictly horror. Nor does this post seek to break down the full context of these titles as they fit into the development of 80s/90s/00s shoujo.

This post exclusively reflects my personal thoughts on the bodily perils faced by Shinohara's super-powered heroines in the aforementioned texts through a horror lens (which in turn reflects my area of focus back when I studied film).

Everyone will have their own intrepretations of these texts and these characters and that's what makes hearing people's opinions so interesting - always open to hearing yours if you stumble onto this. ^^

[themultifandomgal]

Tommy Shelby- The Truth Always Comes Out

9 months ago YN YLN did something that she wasn’t proud of, she was drunk and she’d had an argument with her husband. So she ran to a man who she could always trust, a man who she’d secretly always loved even if he didn’t love her back, a man she had known her whole life. His name. Tommy Shelby. The night in question started off as him comforting her, but the more whisky that was drank the more bold the pair got landing YN in he best friends bed. She had cheated on her husband.

Weeks later YN had started to feel unwell, she went to the doctors who confirmed she was pregnant. Now YN knew that it could not be her husband’s because their sex life had been nonexistent, it was Tommy’s baby, she knew for sure.

YN had kept her pregnancy a secret for 9 months, it wasn’t to hard since her husband had been away for the remainder part of her pregnancy which is when she really popped.

12th September

The day was a gloomy one, rain had set in and YN had started off the day with a dull ache in her lower back. Ignoring it YN had carried on the day as normal. The dull ache through the day had progressively gotten worse to the point that in the early hours of the morning YN knew that she was in fact in labour. Crying out in pain she manages to get to her phone and call the closest person to her, Ada

“Come on come on” she brags hearing the rings then finally the sweet, tired voice of Ada comes through

“Hello?”

“Ada” YNs voice squeaks laced in pain

“YN is that you? what’s wrong why are you phoning me me at.. 4am?”

“Ada I need your help. Please I can… ahhhh” water trickles down her legs “Ada I’m having a baby, I need your help. Please” she cries into the phone

“Ok I’m coming” with that YN puts the phone down and waddles to her living room waiting for the Shelby sister to arrive. Each contraction hit her harder than the last.

In no time at all Ada bursts through YN’s front door to find her covered in sweat and tears

“Ada”

“It’s ok YN I’m here, ok we’re going to do this together ok?” YN only nods her head slightly unable to speak as another contraction hits “let’s take a look shall we?” Ada checks between YNs legs gasping “this babies coming now YN I can see its head. You need to push when you have another contraction ok?”

“Ada i can’t do this”

“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. Now come on YN”

Who know how long YN had been in labour for, at least 20 hours or more, but after 10 minutes of pushing YN held a newborn boy in her arms

“Why isn’t Richard here if you were so close to having a baby?” Ada asks tidying up “wait did you know you were pregnant?”

“Oh Ada” YNs eyes glass over with tears

“YN what is it what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what to do, he’s not Richard’s” YN cries finally telling someone about her awful actions

“What do you mean he’s not… did you sleep with someone else?” YN sadly nods her head “when? who?”

“We haven’t been doing well for a while, he had spoken about a divorce and in my family your disowned. We got in an argument one night and I… shit Ada I went to see Tommy”

“This is my brothers child!” Ada shouts causing the newborn babe to start crying “sorry” she says softly looking at the baby being rocked in YNs arms “why didn’t you tell someone? Have you hidden this pregnancy the whole time?” YN nods her head

“I couldn’t say anything because what would I haven been seen as? I cheated on my husband. I couldn’t pretend that the baby was his because we haven’t slept with each other for over a year. He still wants a divorce that’s why he’s in America away from me”

“Oh YN, come here” Ada’s placed her arm over her friends shoulders in an act to try and comfort her “first of all he left you, you might still be officially married but I think your relationship ended the night he wanted a divorce. Do you love him?”

“Richard? At one point yes but not for a long time”

“I wasn’t talking about Richard” Ada gives YN a small smile

“Tommy? Oh errm I… I’ve… I guess I…”

“I think I know the answer. You can’t hide his child from him YN, you’ve got to tell him”

“I’ve hidden my pregnancy from him, he’ll hate me”

“Trust me he won’t. Now let me have cuddles with my nephew and you get some sleep” Ada takes the baby in her arms before helping YN get comfortable in her bed “I’ll stay here as long as you need me to. I’ll come with you to see Tommy if you want”

“Thank you Ada, truly”

[peachhcs]

going to worlds

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

with worlds coming up, tensions get high in the hughes’ household between luke and samy.

2k words

so this is actually more samy x luke more than samy x will but here’s the sibling angst i mentioned a few days ago! i feel like we don’t see a lot of samy’s relationship with her brothers so i wanna try and write that more but i will be writing more about worlds between will and samy as it plays out! :))

au masterlist

“no, absolutely not,” luke immediately shook his head as he walked out of the kitchen. samy was hot on his tail as she followed him into the living room, watching as he plopped himself onto the couch, remote in hand. 

“why not? it’s not like i’m gonna be bothering you,” the younger hughes argued, hanging herself over the couch so she was right in her brother’s face. 

the boy pushed her away, “but it will be a bother when i have to look after you the entire month there. i’m not doing that shit. i’m not gonna be some babysitter at my own hockey tournament,” luke was being harsh which samy sort of expected, but not this bad.

“i’m 19 years old. you don’t need to look after me,” the girl fired back. 

“that’s not what mom and dad will say. plus, i kind of do because we’re in a fucking foreign country and i’m not that stupid to let you wander around czechia by yourself,” luke shot back even harder. a frustrated groan escaped samy’s lips. this brother was supposed to be easier than her other two. 

“i won’t be by myself. plus, i went to sweden and mom and dad were fine,” samy mumbled sheepishly. 

“what do you think you’re gonna do when we’re at practice almost the whole day? sit in the hotel? that’s gonna get boring real quick,” the curly-brunette shook his head, already very over the conversation and disregarding what his sister said.

“you’re being such a brat. i’m not 12 years old anymore, luke. i can take care of myself, you know. you’re not even 21 yet so right now it’s a one year age difference.” 

“why do you even wanna go? don’t you have your own shit to do instead of follow me to czechia,” the middle hughes rolled his eyes. although, his words hit a nerve. 

samy drew back off the couch, a frown settling onto her lips. sure, her and luke had their fair share of fights and arguments, but for some reason, his words hurt even more than any of those combined. 

“jesus, when did you turn into such an asshole?” now her words hit luke’s nerve this time. the older boy whipped around so hard samy swore he gave himself whiplash. his lips were set in a straight line along with his eyebrows pinched together. 

“who are you calling an asshole right now? you’re the one who needs to grow up right now,” the boy shot back quite harshly. 

“so me going to every single one of your ntdp games, home games at umich mean nothing to you? you just think i’m following you around?” the girl frowned, her hurt showing more than she anticipated as her voice wavered. 

“i- i..that’s not what i meant, sam. i just..it’s gonna be a bother and you just wanna go to make out with your boyfriend anyway,” luke defended himself, but his words didn’t sound any better than before. 

those words hurt samy a lot more than a few minutes ago. luke never called her sam ever. the siblings stared at one another, the silence engulfing them while luke awaited a response. “so that’s what you think? you’ve just forgotten that will’s still my best friend and i’ve been supporting him since we were kids along with you? you just think i wanna go to be some bother to you and have sex with my boyfriend?” samy’s voice finally rose to the point where they both knew she was angry. 

“i mean..am i wrong?” the wrong responses kept falling from the middle hughes’ mouth. 

“yes! you are wrong, luke! haven’t you and will always wanted to play on the same team together since we were kids but never could because you weren’t ever in the same age group? and now that it’s finally happening, i can’t go and support my brother and best friend who are playing for the same team because all you think is that i’m going to have sex with him all the time and be some fucking bother. i only asked you because i knew mom and dad would only let me go if you said yes and i thought you would because you’d want your sister there cheering you on like i have been for your entire life. maybe this whole fame thing really did get to your head,” samy stormed off before luke could even respond. her heavy footsteps carried all the way up the stairs until the boy heard her bedroom door slam shut. 

“woah, someone’s mad..” jack came out from the downstairs bedroom. his hair looked absolutely insane like he’d just woken up despite it being 2 in the afternoon. 

“i don’t know what’s up with her,” luke rolled his eyes, settling back into the couch like nothing happened. 

“she’s got a point, you know. you were kind of being an asshole,” jack shrugged as he wandered into the kitchen. 

“oh come on, not you too. if she goes, i’m just gonna have to look after her!” luke exclaimed, head falling back onto the couch in frustration. 

“she’s not some kid anymore, moosey. she’s 19. you’re not even 21. she can handle herself. she did in sweden,”  jack stuck up for their little sister. 

“that was different because everyone was there already. this isn’t the sam, jack. mom and dad will put me on babysitter duty because they aren’t there,” the younger brother continued his defense. 

“i don’t think it would be babysitting. more like making sure she’s okay. checking in? plus, i doubt she’ll even be in the hotel room that much anyway. she’ll wanna hang with smitty and leno,” jack started making himself a sandwich with the little ingredients in the fridge. apparently, ellen and jim hardly grocery shopped when they didn’t have four kids in one house anymore. 

“yeah and then that will lead to them having sex and then that becomes a whole thing,” luke rambled on. 

“is this really about not wanting samy there or is it about you thinking she’s taking away your moment if she’s there?” the older hughes brother proposed a new idea. he always saw through to his siblings hidden emotions they were trying to conceal. a beat of silence passed between the brothers and jack took the silence as his answer. he stopped making his sandwich for a moment to find a seat on the couch beside his brother. luke’s gaze stuck to the ground. 

“come on, rusty. talk to me,” jack nudged his brother’s knee. 

“it just feels like i never get to hang out with will because samy’s always there. or..he chooses her instead of hanging with us nowadays. being able to play on team usa together has been our dream since we were kids. i love that samy’s happy and so is will..i just..i really hoped this could be a just us thing. i don’t know. sounds selfish, i know,” the younger boy mumbled almost ashamed. 

“it’s not selfish, lukey. i get it. i’m still getting used to their whole dating thing too here and there. it is weird seeing one of your close friends date your sister,” jack sympathized. “i’m sure if you talked to samy she’ll understand. she’s always been your #1 supporter, luke. i know she’s not trying to come with you to wedge her way in between you guys. maybe set some boundaries?” 

“maybe i just feel so disconnected because i went to college and then was hardly ever around. feels like i don’t even know her sometimes anymore or will, you know? he used to be attached to our hips as kids and now..it’s just..not the same,” the curly-haired boy’s voiced faded off. a frown appeared on jack’s lips, rubbing his brother’s arm in a soothing manner. 

“talk to her, lukey. this can be your chance to reconnect with both of them the month you’re there,” the older boy encouraged. 

luke finally took to his words, agreeing as he got up and shuffled upstairs to hopefully reconcile. samy’s room sounded quiet the closer he got, so he gently knocked on the door.

“go away,” he heard lowly.

“please? just wanna talk,” luke mumbled from outside. 

a beat of silence passed until there was a small click and his sister’s gaze appeared through the crack, “about what?” 

“me being an asshole,” the older boy admitted in defeat that she was right earlier. the door opened wider, an indication that he could go in. 

luke’s gaze flicked around the room that he really hadn’t seen in..years almost. it was so similar, yet it felt so different in his eyes. so much time seemed to pass in samy’s room.

“you have five minutes to give me a good explanation,” the girl crossed her arms, snapping her brother back into reality. 

the guilt crept across luke’s face as he struggled on where to start. he was never the one to admit his feeling outright like this. “first, i’m sorry. i was an asshole about the whole thing,” he began.

“yeah, you kind of were. that really hurt, luke,” samy said seriously and the boy sighed. 

“i know..i don’t know why—i think i just…” he stumbled over his words and everything he just admitted to jack downstairs. “feels like i don’t really know you anymore just because i’ve been away and i hate that. we used to be so close and now it feels like we just don’t talk..same with will. i dunno. i guess i just didn’t want you there because i was being selfish and just wanted will and i there together. i realize now that you deserve to be there too to support us,” the boy continued in a long ramble that probably made no sense. 

he watched samy’s expression soften up a little, “you think we aren’t close anymore?” 

“i mean..not as close as we used to be. college and everything else seems to have made us drift..same with jack. same with quinn.”

yes, the hughes siblings were close, but not nearly as close when they all lived under one roof. one by one as each brother left, their bond slowly dissipated. texts became littler and littler. the time changes weren’t easy to work around sometimes. 

in some ways, samy saw where luke came from because quinn and jack missed a lot of big milestones in samy’s life yet she was there for all of theirs. 

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t know you felt that way,” the girl frowned. 

“no, no, it’s not your fault. i just..have been feeling weird lately. i think having you there will be really fun. maybe it can even make up for some of the time we’ve lost,” luke offered a smile. 

“no, i don’t have to go. you’re right. it’s a you and will thing. something you’ve been waiting for since you were kids,” the girl shook her head.

“no, no, i want you there. i promise. plus, i think smitty would actually fight me if he knew i wasn’t letting you come. i’m serious. we can catch up. have fun in czechia together. i’m sure mom and dad would love our sibling bonding,” the two shared a laugh. 

“are you sure?” 

“positive. i’ve missed hanging around you,” luke opened his arms for a hug. the youngest hughes stepped into his arms and they shared a tight hug in what felt like forever. 

“we’re gonna have so much fun there. i already have an intinerary planned for your off days,” the girl grinned widely when the two pulled away. 

a laugh escaped luke’s lips, “of course you do. we’ll talk to mom and dad tonight, yeah?” 

samy nodded and she let her brother squeeze her shoulders one last time before leaving her alone for now. she excitedly called will next to let him know the good news that they’d be able to spend the next few weeks together. 

[dovesdreaming]

Lost in the tide

Summary: You and Harry were best friends til you took your chance at a new beginning on the isle. When reunited he finds his forgiveness in a passionate kiss.

Request

Masterlist

-

The Isle of the Lost had always been your home. It was dark, gritty, and full of danger, but you never cared about any of that, not when you had Harry Hook by your side. Harry had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. From sneaking around the Isle, plotting mischief and laughing at the chaos you caused, to watching the waves crash against the shore in rare, quiet moments, he had been your anchor in a world that didn’t offer much comfort. Being the daughter of Maleficent and sister to Mal came with its own set of challenges. Expectations weighed heavily on you, and while Mal embraced her role as a leader on the Isle, you had always felt a different pull, something that made you long for more than what the Isle could give. You and Harry had often talked about escaping, about breaking free from the chains that bound you to this place. But when the time came for one of you to leave, when Auradon came calling, you took your chance. And Harry had never forgiven you.

Now, years later, your heart pounded as you stepped off the boat, the familiar sights and smells of the Isle hitting you all at once. The air was thick with the scent of salt and grime, the streets bustling with the same chaos you had left behind. It was as if time hadn’t moved at all. Yet, everything had changed. Especially you. You were back on the Isle for one reason: to save Ben from Uma and her crew. But despite the mission’s urgency, your mind was consumed with only one thought, Harry. The boy who had once been your best friend, the one who had stood by your side through it all. The boy you left behind. The one whose anger still haunted you. “You alright?” Mal asked from beside you, sensing your unease. “Yeah, I’m fine” you lied, giving her a quick nod. “Let’s get this over with”. But as your group made its way toward the docks where Ben was being held, your heart raced faster with each step. And then, as if summoned by your thoughts, there he was.

Harry Hook stood near the edge of the dock, leaning casually against a post, his ever-present hook twirling in his hand. His eyes, sharp and glinting like shards of ice, were locked on you the moment you came into view. He hadn’t moved, but the intensity in his gaze was enough to make your heart skip a beat. The years apart had changed him, he was taller, broader, his features sharper and his demeanor even more dangerous but those familiar blue eyes, filled with a mix of anger and something else, were the same. And just like that, it felt like no time had passed at all.

“Well, well” Harry drawled, pushing off from where he’d been standing and taking a step toward you. His lips curled into a smirk, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Look who decided to grace us with her presence. The prodigal daughter returns”. You swallowed, trying to keep your composure. “Harry...” “Don’t” he snapped, his voice cold as he cut you off. “Ye don’t get to say my name like that anymore. Not after ye left”. His words hit harder than you expected, a sharp pang in your chest. You’d known he would be angry, but hearing it, feeling the bitterness in his voice, was worse than you imagined. “I didn’t have a choice” you said softly, meeting his gaze.

Harry’s eyes darkened, and he took another step closer, the space between you shrinking. “There’s always a choice, lass. Ye just didn’t choose me”. The hurt in his voice was undeniable, and you flinched at the rawness of it. He’d always been so strong, so confident, but now, standing in front of you, there was vulnerability there, a crack in the armor. You glanced down, your fingers curling into fists at your sides. “I didn’t want to leave you, Harry. But Auradon… it was an opportunity, a chance for something different. You know that”. “Auradon” Harry spat, his voice filled with venom as he stepped even closer. He was right in front of you now, his breath hot against your skin as he stared down at you with an intensity that made your knees weak. “Ye got your perfect life, didn’t ye? While I was stuck here, rotting on this godforsaken Isle”.

“I didn’t have a choice” you repeated, your voice cracking. “I had to go, Harry. You don’t know how hard it was-“ “Ye left me” he interrupted again, this time his voice softer but no less fierce. His hand came up, the metal of his hook gleaming in the dim light as he pointed it at you. “Ye left me here alone”. You bit your lip, your heart aching at the pain in his voice. You wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, to tell him everything you had never been able to say. “I never wanted to leave you behind” you whispered, your voice trembling. “You were all I thought about”. Something flickered in his eyes at that. Surprise, maybe, or disbelief, but he didn’t move, his body still rigid with anger. For a long, agonizing moment, neither of you spoke, the silence heavy with everything that had been left unsaid over the years. “I didn’t hate ye, ye know” Harry finally said, his voice rough with emotion. His eyes softened slightly as he studied your face, and he let out a harsh breath. “I thought I did, but..I was just jealous. Jealous ye got out. That ye left me”.

You reached out tentatively, your hand brushing lightly against his chest. “I never stopped thinking about you, Harry. Never”. His breath hitched at your touch, his body tensing beneath your fingers. His free hand, the one not gripping his hook, came up to catch your wrist, holding it in place as his eyes bore into yours. “Do ye mean that?” he asked, his voice low and raw. You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest. “I mean it”.

For a moment, neither of you moved. You could feel the warmth of his hand on your skin, the way his chest rose and fell with each shaky breath. And then, with a growl of frustration, Harry closed the distance between you, crashing his lips against yours in a kiss that was as desperate as it was fierce. You gasped into the kiss, your hands flying up to tangle in his hair as you kissed him back just as eagerly. Years of pent-up emotion and unresolved tension poured into that kiss, the heat between you building with every second. Harry’s arms wrapped tightly around you, pulling you flush against his body, and you could feel the rapid thrum of his heartbeat as his lips moved against yours, hungry and demanding.

He backed you up against one of the wooden posts of the dock, pressing his body into yours as his lips trailed down the side of your neck, nipping at your skin with a wicked grin. “Ye don’t get to leave again” he murmured against your throat, his breath hot and teasing. “Not without me”. You shivered, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as you tugged him closer. “I’m not going anywhere”. “Good” he growled, his lips finding yours again in a searing kiss that left you breathless. His hook brushed lightly against your side, the cold metal sending a thrill through you as he tilted your chin up with his free hand. “Because I’ve spent too long thinkin’ about this, about ye”.

Your pulse raced as his lips hovered just above yours, his voice dropping to a low, seductive whisper. “And now that I’ve got ye… I’m not lettin’ go”. The mission to save Ben could wait, just for a little longer. For now, all that mattered was the heat of Harry’s touch and the way he made you feel like you had finally come home. And this time, you weren’t going to let him go.

-

Thank you for reading!

[lustnhim]

⚡️ “masterlist” ⚡️

welcome to my master list! my requests are: open! key: 🫧 - smut! / 🦋 - fluff! / 🦢 - angst! / 🕊️- dead dove!

🫧 “can’t sleep?” - elvis x fem! reader (part one of two)

summary: you’re lisa-marie’s best friend and you come over for a sleepover- but you can’t help but notice her dad has taken a liking to you…

🫧 “too purty…” - elvis x fem! reader (part two of two)

summary: the night before elvis had "taken care"of you in hopes to help you sleep, but he’s not done yet, he wants to take your virginity.

🫧🕊️ “last nerve.” - dom! elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis is tired of you talking back, so he’s gonna put you in your place.

🫧 “impatient.” - sub! elvis x fem! reader

summary: you’re too busy to help elvis out with his ‘issue’ so he tries to take care of it himself, but you catch him.

🫧 “poor thing” - dom! elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis catches you grinding on his pillow.

🫧 “grown” - elvis x fem! reader

summary: your dad and elvis are really close friends so when elvis invited your whole family over to graceland for the 100th time, you didn’t expect much more than another boring evening

🫧 “my boy” - sub! elvis x fem! reader

summary: short and sweet submissive elvis <3

🫧🕊️ “yungen” - stepdad! elvis x fem! reader

summary: after an argument with your mother, your stepdad, elvis, takes you out on a drive for some one on one time.

🫧🦋 “toothless” elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis wants to make sure you love him, even when he’s toothless.

🫧 “little sister” elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis is dating your big sister, but after he sees you much you’ve grown– he can’t help himself.

🫧🕊️ “corruption” elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis gets a chance to have you alone for a bit, so when he sees the chance to have you he takes it.

🫧 “needy” dom! elvis x fem! reader

summary: you can’t think straight when you're so sleep deprived n’ horny– but elvis knows what to do once he catches you grinding on his thigh. 

🫧 “full” elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis wants to breed you.

🫧🦋“doll dizzy” elvis x fem! reader

summary: elvis invites you over to his newly purchased home, graceland, for a sleepover since he hasn’t seen you in so long- you’re just as perfect as he remembers.

🫧🕊️“goo goo muck.” elvis x fem! reader

summary: his bloodlust is getting harder to control, especially when he sees you late one night. 

WIPS: two! —

how long do requests take?: depends on how many requests before you! i try and write each one i get but sometimes i hit a blank space and try to work on another. —

inspo: i listen to a lot of music while i write, i like noise it helps me concentrate lolol! —

taglist: commenting on any post associated with my fics and asking to be tagged will u get u tagged! —

last updated: 11/7/24

to anyone who reads: thank you so so much for ur support! it means so much to me and i love u so much <3 —

“all work featured is mine! please do not copy my work and put it anywhere or claim it as your own <3” — love, viv

[liasadventuretime]

✦ YOU JEALOUS ?

neteyam x reader x ao'nung

PROMPT ➜ neteyam and y/n had anything but a good relationship, always fighting and bickering over something. but once those lustful eyes and lingering hands started getting noticed, everything changed, but neteyam could possibly have realised everything too late.

TAGS ➜ angst, slight mention of sex, teasing, heavy language

"you know what, fuck off and leave me alone skxawng" if there's one thing that neteyam can do so well and effortlessly it's annoy you. he enjoys it, you can see it on his face from how hard that motherfucker smiles.

he was "The Mighty Warrior", the best, the smartest, the strongest, the most mature. but when jake and neytiri couldn't see him, he was just another teenage boy, who got more dick than brain. you were incredibly grateful for everything that the sully family did for you, taking care and trying their best to always make you comfortable, since you lost your parents in the same war where neytiri and jake met. one time, you remember well that night, while doing some late night talking with lo'ak, he said that it seemed almost like eywa took something but immediately gave it back to you, "what Eywa gives, Eywa takes". 

but if you knew how much this lil bitch was going to annoy you, you might've as well killed yourself. but you're grateful you didn't because Eywa gave you the mom, the dad, the brother and the two sisters you never knew you needed. you and neteyam used to actually be very close, as children always playing and laughing together, almost made neytiri doubt if Eywa sent you to them for him. but as soon as you two realised that you were both the best, things started to crumble. what was filled with love and laughter, was now filled with bitterness and competitiveness. the first fight of yours, became one of the many. 

but it seemed like everyone noticed it but the two of you. the tension, might as well say sexual tension, was thicker the more you two grew. it could intoxicate the whole room. flirting with eachother with insults, and punches. never realising what you felt , not being capable of explaining the attraction between y'all. so you simply ignored it, and continued bumping heads as long as you could feel his hands on you and as long he could hear you talking, actually insulting, to him. as long as he could look at you being so angry because of something HE said, making YOU feel something, anything, towards him. 

you were fighting once again because of ao'nung, neteyam always making comments about how he holds you, or kiss you while fake moaning with others around. to say the least, it was embarrassing and you were kind of scared ao'nung would take it the wrong way, because you knew damn well you didn't like him. 

"oh yes, ao'nung fuck me harder please i'm such a whore" neteyam said while laughing and getting in front of you to stop you from going away, you raised your head to look at him only to see that fucking stare and smirk he always seemed to have plastered on his face. that face. that handsome and hateful face. lo'ak was on the ground laughing his ass off, enjoying every single one of your fights, but he also stayed there and watched to know who was going to throw the first punch, since none of your arguments has ended without one of you being on top of the other, and not in the way y'all think.

"why don't you like him ? what are you ? jealous because you know he could fuck me but you can't even touch me ?" he suddenly stopped laughing, his grin being replaced with a serious face, making you smirk knowing you hit him where you wanted. even though you hated eachother so much, you were both so jealous. if your jealousy for one another could pay the bills, you'd be the richest in the fucking room, that's something neytiri always said. 

"you're such a slag you would let anyone with a dick and muscles fuck you 'till you're dumb" he whispered in your ear, feeling the smirk on his face without even having to look at his face. your grin dropped immediately, feeling your blood boil and before you even realised it, it was your last fucking straw. 

you punched him right in the jaw, taking him off guard and making him stumble, but you didn't even have to think a second about it before he returned the punch x5 harder but on your nose. lo'ak immediately got up annoyed but also kind of scared one of you would kill the other, it's not like you weren't capable of it. 

" dad ! " he called, when he saw you on top of him but with wrists restrained by one of his hands while trying to dodge your slaps and punches. blood was pouring down your nose, and the bruise was already visible on his face. your nose could probably bleed for maybe another five minutes, but he would have to carry the mark of your punch for the rest of the month. 

"my lord, fuck. DAD ! THEY'RE FIGHTING AGAIN !" he screamed and then sighed, jake immediately ran to the both of you, with the angriest expression on his face , since this was your third fight that week. he pulled the two of you apart. "if i hear you two motherfuckers ever fight again, i'll lock you both in a tent until you'll make peace, understood ?" 

you could barely stand on your feet, neteyam was still holding his jaw and jake was breathing heavily, so you didn't wait a second and you both said "yessir, sorry sir" at the same time, because if he got seriously angry, may the lord have mercy on anyone he comes across. 

neytiri tried to talk to him, and jake tried to talk to you but even after all the promises, you just couldn't avoid him. he was with you always. at home, in the field, in the clan, in picture frames, in dirty dreams, while ao'nung's hand was on your waist, lingering way too much... you just couldn't frame him out. 

it's not like he could do anything about you either. he lost count of how many times his mom tried and convince him of trying to at least not always end up with your hands all over each other, and a few new bruises. he just... can't ? for some reason he couldn't fathom why you couldn't leave his mind. you were imprinted on his eyelids, tattooed in his mind, even while battling, showering or with his hands between his thighs. he was addicted, and whatever you were, you were much stronger than the "herbs" he smokes with you in the nightime, which was the only part of your day where you would rant and talk about anything that came across your mind. 

you didn't like eachother one bit, that's true. but when he had something on his mind or just needed to talk to someone who could understand him, your tent was the first one he visited. with all the pressure and responsibility that you two hold, having someone that can understand you is important. basically every night you either met on the beach or his tent, to just smoke, talk or even cry. you ended each "peace" session with a hug and went back to hating eachother the next morning.

"hey, are you coming ?" lo'ak said while entering your tent, placing himself next to you while you were rebraiding your hair after your fight with neteyam. you looked confused for a second and asked "coming where ?". you weren't even sure you wanted to go wherever he was going, because you just know neteyam is going to be there. but why let him ruin all your fun ? ao'nung was probably going to be there, so why not ?

lo'ak looked around your tent and took the sandwich that was on the counter next to you, taking a bite off of it. "i was eating that if you don't mind" you said taking the sandwich out of his hands, to cut it in half and give him the other half. he smiled at your gesture, you could hate him all you want but you just had that sweet spot for him. lo'ak was definitely the person you were the closest with, having eachother's backs and protecting one another in any situation. if he wanted to get in trouble, you followed him while complaining because you were actually scared he would get in some serioustrouble.

"i don't know, tsireya just asked some people if they wanted to hang out and talk and shit, we'll see" he said while trying to be so non-chalant that made him look so nervous. you eyed him for a bit, and when he noticed you smiled and hummed.

"what ?" he asked with a confused expression on his face.

"nothing" but your smile only grew more. he knew what you were thinking, but he just wanted you to say to make sure it wasn't that obvious.

"no c'mon, what ? why are you smiling ?"

"you know that you will have to talk to tsireya alone if you want her to like you, right ? like, do you expect me to also be there while you eat her out or what ?" you laughed, while he was trying to hide his blush but it didn't work. 

"YOU'RE GROSS WHAT" he picked up the nearest pillow and threw it at you, but you dodged him before he even threw it. after that, lo'ak tried to not look at you in the eyes while calming down.

"sooo..." he looked at you with a smirk on his face and puppy eyes.

"so what ?" you asked while looking at yourself in the mirror, putting a bandaid on your nose to prevent the scratches from getting infected. is you, being turned because of the memory of him pinning your wrists with one hand to prevent from punching him, that bad ?

"YES !" he jumped up almost scaring you, proceeding to chant and grunt all over your tent. "c'mon, she might already be there, hurry up" you stood up taking his hand and running out of your tent. 

after just five minutes, you saw where tsireya was and immediately went there, lo'ak being way too impatient, but this is the actual first time he has liked someone this seriously, so who were you to tell him to calm down ? 

lo'ak immediately went straight to tsireya, but you decided to look around a bit to see if you could find anyone. well, maybe someone. 

you turned around the fire place, when you accidentally bumped shoulders with someone, but as soon as you realised who you were turning around for to excuse yourself, your heart almost stopped.

he winked at you with a smirk on his face, and immediately walked away. still confused because of your interaction with neteyam, you find ao'nung. he smiles and pats the space between his thighs, you walk there and immediately sat while looking at him. he used to hold you tight and place his chin on your head. even though you didn't like him that way, he was the first guy that held you without hurting you. he was sweet, kind and strong. the perfect man. he cared so much about you, but you both knew you didn't want anything serious, just someone to have a bit of fun with. between his big arms you felt protected, safe from everything and anyone.

his smile could light up a whole room, his back and hands could protect hundreds of villages, his words could heal the deepest wounds, his tears could wipe away continents but he loves so deeply he can get buried inside anyone's heart.

but for some reason…

...you still didn't feel the spark.

the spark, that unfortunately, you could feel with someone else.

whom you didn't realise was looking directly at you with the deadliest stare ever. when you noticed him, you immediately froze. but why ? why were you acting like you just caught ? why do you feel this drowning heavy feeling in your stomach ? why was your heart missing a beat, but you felt that heartbeat somewhere else ? why is it that everytime he makes you cry, another tear rolls down your thigh?

why, why, why ?

he held a cup in his hands, basically chocking it, but didn't get his eyes off of you. his posture rigid, his eyes cold and his arms veiny, probably because of the blood that was boiling in his veins.

then, an idea crossed your mind.

you took ao'nung hand who was, as usual, lingering on your waist and placed it on your thigh rubbing it up and down, making it get more and more near to your inner thigh with every stroke.

his patience was slowly thinning out. he couldn't stand it. you're so beautiful when you tease him, it hurts him so much. he wish it could be him. making you whimper and crave oh so more with those eyes which were veiled with tears, and how could he resist his beautiful girl ? how could he say no to you ? if you ever gave him the chance, he would destroy you.

he would treat you as if you were a princess, caring, protecting, and nurturing you but would fuck you as if you were a whore, biting, marking and making sure the next motherfucker could taste his dick on your clit.

he felt blood rush to his erection, making it more noticeable, but why the fuck did he feel that way ? WHY ? maybe he was jealous because he knew you can tell a joke, but will never tell a lie.

ao'nung has a chance, while neteyam doesn't. which makes him feel sorry for you, because he would make sure that everytime he fucked you, you would come back crawling and begging for more.

more, more, more.

nothing was ever enough. the lustful stares, the lingering eyes, the blush, the smiles you both tried to hide so much, but never worked.

why did he feel jealous every single time you hung out alone with lo'ak, or you laughed at everyone's jokes but his ? why did he get hard everytime you spoke near his ear or accidentally touched him ? why was he so sensitive around you ? every move of yours making his stomach flip ? why were so... you ?

meanwhile, ao'nung carefully moved your hair out of the way, making neteyam hold his cup even more tightly, and whispered in your ear "what are you doing, darling ?"

ao'nung couldn't act like nothing was happening, his smile plastered across his face, making neteyam even more angry and angry by the second. he probably enjoyed the teasing more than you did. you looked at him with those innocents eyes that neteyam couldn't resist, and whispered back

"nothing" and kissed the back of his ear, taking him off guard and making his erection now way too noticeable. that was neteyam's last straw, he could kill someone with his bare hands. but the difficult part was admitting he would've done it because of you.

he sometimes wishes you could die, because not having you makes his heart cry of pain every single day. in his opinion, it's his life's biggest torture. but as someone else would say, his heart and dick were so full of you, he could barely call them his own. the way you looked at him in the eyes while teasing another man, could make any person fall to their knees and beg, beg, beg. which you weirdly enjoyed, it's not like you didn't know the effect you had on people.

it was enough for now, you didn’t wanna take it too far.

you stood up, and lightly kissed ao'nung on the lips and whispered goodnight. neteyam immediately threw away his cup smashing it, and stood up following you, making people watch you and him as you both left making everyone ask themselves what was happening.

before you could enter your tent, you felt a big cold hand grab the back of your neck making you gasp, and making you turn around you and look up to stare directly at neteyam's eyes, the most beatiful and deadliest eyes ever. you could get lost in them, but did he know that ? was it even worth it to think all that stuff about him if he didn't know ? was all the fighting, jealousy and teasing worth it ? why ?

because you were both too proud to admit anything, nonetheless your weird and sick attraction for eachother.

"what the fuck was that kiss ? what the fuck are doing ? are you his whore ? hm ? " he said grinning his teeth and hissing, almost making a nerve on his temple pop, while keeping his hand tight on the back of your neck. the amount of time that you fantasised about his calloused hands roughly all over you. you could just feel his jealousy through every word he spat in your face, and lord why was it so attractive ?

this man was so angry, but so damn attractive and oh did it make you want to let him do anything to you. anything.

you smiled and grinned, knowing what was going thru his mind, and whispered in his ear, feeling his goosebumps and breath he didn't realise he was holding.

"you jealous ?"

[etherealising]

chapter seven | they know i believed in us last week

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!pete x fem!reader | male!oc x fem!reader |

summary: carmy struggles to deal with your absence in his life, while you finally learn to live without him.

warning(s): talk about miscarriage (no explicit details) | word miscarriage used once | implied suicidal thoughts | substance abuse | NA | AA | Al-Anon | grief | mention of pregnancy |angst | drama | semi-fluff | language | sad boi carm | baby being mature | woe is me carmy | please let me know if i missed anything |

wc: 7.3k

song rec: i'll still have me - cyn, aquilo

semi-edited/proof-read

“Carm hey, are you listening?” Natalie’s eyes flitted across Carmy’s face, his blank eyes staring directly past her. She took this moment as a chance to take in her younger brother’s ragged appearance, at first glance he looked like he normally did; exhausted. But taking the time to really study him, she knew Carmy was doing worse than he’d ever admit.

His usual textured and fluffy hair was limp against his head, the greasy quality of it proving he needed a wash. The discoloration under his eyes was the worst Nat had seen it, the deep blue-purple bruising a sign that he was getting even less sleep than he usually did. The skin of his lips was dehydrated and bitten to pieces, a tick he had as a child that gradually calmed down as he grew older. And the visible stubble on his chin was enough to know that the absence of your presence in his life was hitting him harder than anyone expected.

Her eyes caught on the chain that was haphazardly peeking out of his shirt, squinting at the newly added pendant hanging from it. Natalie didn’t have to be a genius to know whose initial hung around Carmen’s neck, the chain which was usually safely tucked into his shirt was now blatantly on show for everyone to see. Natalie had noticed it more recently since your and Carmy’s argument, though this was her first time seeing it this close. She would find him just standing in the restaurant, sometimes eyes staring into nothing as he worried the pendant between his fingers, oftentimes raising it to his lips before letting it go completely and wandering to do whatever task needed to be done.

Natalie’s concern was palpable but the discomfort in her abdomen was worse. “Have you tried talking to her?” The shaky breath she let out filtered between the two of them.

Carmen’s eyes finally snapped to hers taking in the uncomfortable expression on her face, “Sug?” He waited for Nat to focus on him. “You good?” The question hung in the air as Natalie tried to even out her breathing.

Using his sister's obvious discomfort to deflect from the conversation she was insistent on having wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but he’d rather put his sister’s well-being before being forced to think about how long it had been since he last spoke to you; he last saw you.

Carmy watched as Sug raised a closed hand to her mouth suppressing the urge to gag. “Yeah good, I’m good.” The forced smile on her lips did nothing to fool Carmy, but he wouldn’t force the issue.

“Can you uh, explain to me again how we’re doing, I spaced.” His fingers raised to run through his hair a small grimace painting his face at the grime he could feel left behind on his fingertips.

“Seven weeks out, Carm, and still so much to be done,” An exhausted sigh breathed through Natalie’s lips. The stress opening this restaurant caused felt extremely unnecessary considering her current status.

“No yeah I heard that,” Carmy nodded his head rapidly, Sug’s words slowly coming back to him. He squinted his eyes, hand scratching the grown-out stubble on his chin.  “You uh said something about the DBA getting rejected?”

“About that.” Natalie’s voice trailed off one hand pressing into her abdomen to ease the ache, “The name’s taken.”

Nat watched as Carmy processed the words, her discomfort felt like it was increasing as the seconds passed by.

“Who the fuck could’ve taken the name?” The idea perplexed Carmy. There was no chance another business could have the same name, well there was, it was just slim as hell.

Nat shrugged just as confused as Carmy “It’s been trademarked for years, whoever filed has all legal rights to the name.”

“Fuck me!” The pitch of Carmy’s voice rose along with his irritation.

Natalie’s own mumbled expletive was drowned out by Carmy’s outburst, the nauseating morning sickness she was experiencing came in an extra hard bout today.

“Yo, Sug…Sug. You sure you’re okay?” Carmy’s concern now outweighed his confusion, Nat’s weird behavior this whole morning was beginning to worry him.

“I can do this Carmy right, tell me I can do this.” Natalie’s breathing began to increase as a slight panic flooded through her. Carmy watched her with wide eyes, no idea what she could even be talking about.

“Tell me I can do it, Carm!” The wave of nausea subsided with her yell, Carmy’s hands raised in the air to divert blame.

“Fuck okay! You can do it Sug.”

“I am…completely terrified. And I’m only telling you because..I don’t know. Just-just in case.” Natalie nodded to herself as a way to provide her nerves with courage.

Carmy just stared at Natalie still not following where she was leading this conversation to.

“I really want this to be loving and good and happy,” A smile rose to Nat’s face “I just..I don’t want anyone to know…well besides Baby and now you.”

Carmy’s eyes focused on Sug’s abdomen, the pieces of the puzzle slowly fitting together in his head. The name she spoke felt like it was echoing through his ears.

“Sure” He wasn’t sure how to react to the news, he had always assumed Natalie would be the first of the siblings to start a family. And as the years passed by he knew it was a desire he himself had.

“I really don’t want Richie to know. Because somehow, it feels more in my control when and who knows…” The sound of the wall falling caused Nat to raise her voice as she finished her sentence. “That I’m pregnant.” Her final words were spoken just loud enough to alert the crew to her news.

“I fuckin’ knew it.” The sound of Richie’s shout grated on Nat’s nerves, but the quiet congratulations helped to ease her ire a bit.

Carmy was happy for Sugar, but it felt like it was setback after setback for the restaurant and all the personal issues he was dealing with weren't helping his stress. He felt his shoulders sag a bit mind racing as to how the name could already be trademarked, or who would’ve trademarked it.

His eyes found Richie’s as the man cajoled about how he knew Natalie was pregnant this whole time. Had Richie told someone the name and they took it for themselves? Did Mikey somehow trademark it while on a bender? The thought made Carmy’s head hurt what the fuck even was the point of opening this restaurant if they couldn’t use the name. The name was the epitome of the restaurant.

If you were here Carmy knew you would've given him an analogy for how he was feeling, you would’ve told him he was like Atlas holding up the sky or whatever he did. He shook his head trying to rid himself of thoughts of you, it wasn’t helping him in the least.

As much as he’d rather not converse with Richie, he needed to get to the bottom of this trademark business.

“Yo, Cousin!” The words felt wrong escaping Carmy’s lips the two men avoided each other in the same way you avoided Carmen.

The agitation on Richie’s face was instant, Carmy knew he fucked up with you, but the cold shoulder he was getting from Richie felt unnecessary.

Nat watched as the two men locked eyes, not too keen on playing referee for these two again. She looked in Carmy’s direction as Richie began making his way over, trying to gauge what was going through her little brother's mind.

“Carmen,” Richie nodded in acknowledgment to Carmy. Richie would be lying if he said he wasn’t purposefully using Carmy’s government name to rile him up, he knew how much Carmy hated it when you did it, and since you weren’t here someone had to uphold the tradition.

Carmy felt his eye twitch Richie’s immaturity since the argument with you felt never-ending. “Did Mikey ever trademark the name?”

Richie frowned looking between him and Nat the assumption that he had any goddamn clue laughable “What the fuck did Mikey look like trademarking shit? Wasn’t I just slangin’ crack to keep the lights on?”

Carmy’s eyes shut as Nat let out a quiet gasp, watching as Richie raised his hands in defense. Maybe running a back alley drug ring wasn’t the best for business, but without it, they may not have been in this moment renovating the restaurant.

“Well someone fucking trademarked it, Richie.” The attitude Carmy was catching was wholly unwelcome.

“I don’t like your tone, Carmen,” Richie matched Carmy’s energy giving him what he was getting. “All I’m sayin’ is Mikey didn’t trademark it whoever did might…I dunno hypothetically deserve an apology in return for said documents.”

Carmy was at his wits end with the older man “Oh so you’re the fucking Riddler now.”

“Baby trademarked the name?” Nat’s voice traveled between the trio at the same time as Carmen’s snarky remark. Carmy’s head shot to her, confused as to how she concluded you had anything to do with the conversation at hand.

“Bingo!” Richie’s hands came together in a loud clap Sydney rolled her eyes at the obnoxious man before looking over the various work orders. “She did that shit years ago and gave it to Mikey as a present, he…left it for her when he passed.”

A quiet fell over their small group, each of them taking in the gesture. Richie had only become privy to the present when he went through the office to try and make sense of what the hell Mikey was doing to keep the business up and running. He had knocked a framed picture of your group off the desk cleaning up the mess only to find the folded trademark document in the back of the broken picture frame.

Your name was haphazardly scribbled into the back of it.

Carmen’s chest heaved as he let the news wash over him, it seemed since the two of you had your falling out the universe was continuously pushing him to interact with you. He raised his hand to his face, rubbing it up and down as he added another item to the long list of things going wrong with the restaurant.

In a way, learning that you were responsible for trademarking the name made Carmy’s chest feel warm. It felt like you wanted this for Mikey just as much as he did, the two of you both supporting Mikey in ways the other never knew. It also gave him an excuse to speak with you, not that he needed one. If he was a better man he would’ve already worked up the courage to reach out to you. He could feel a headache coming on the more he thought about trying to fix things with you.

Carmen was sure he’d figure things out soon, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could figure things out with you not by his side. Which he would admit was quite ironic considering all the times he had willingly pushed you away. But being pushed away by you had proven to him just how badly he was screwing things up with you, to hear you be so upset by his actions he basically forced you into confessing your love stung him to his core.

Carmy wasn’t exactly sure what love was supposed to feel like, but he was almost positive it wasn’t this. The ache in his chest from not being around you, looking for you in every crowd he was in. Soaking up any conversation your name was mentioned in. Maybe he did know what love was supposed to feel like, because for all the time he had been in love with you, he had never once felt so completely and utterly broken as he had been since not fighting for your love a year ago like he should have.

“That was Nat,” you looked up as Pete returned to the table, a smile growing on your face at how happy he looked to have been speaking with his wife. “Cat’s out of the bag! Our pregnancy is no longer top secret!”

Pete’s excitement was contagious, your smile growing wider at his pure joy. “Our pregnancy?” You chuckled never having heard anyone refer to it as if the pregnancy was shared.

You watched as Pete sipped the water in front of him, a signature goofy smile back on his face. “Of course! I mean yeah Nat is carrying the baby, but I’m just as pregnant as she is.” You gave Pete a confused look, a laugh bubbling out of you.

“You laugh now Baby, but I’m serious.” Pete paused as the waiter brought out the bread for your table, both of you quickly thanking them. “Nat’s my partner you know? And I’m so grateful for her providing me the opportunity to be a father. Allowing me to build with her, for us to come together and bring a child into this world, it’s a beautiful thing I love her ya know.”

The sheen in Pete’s eyes was enough to make you emotional you didn’t need to hear his explanation to know how much Pete loved Natalie, you could just see it in the way he looked at her, in the way his face would light up when anyone would mention her name or ask about her.

“I’m happy that Nat has someone like you to build a life with.” Both you and Pete shared misty-eyed smiles, chuckles leaving each of you at how emotional the small things made both of you.

“Looks like that dinner you were planning just turned into a full-blown baby shower!” The loud clap Pete’s hands made startled you. “Wow, it really will be a Baby shower!”

You watched as Pete laughed at his own pun, doing your best not to laugh along with him and encourage his bad jokes. The relationship you developed with Pete was a bit weird in the beginning, you weren’t the most open to the idea, and it’s not because you didn’t like Pete, it just felt like you were replacing Mikey.

It took a while before you could look at Pete and realize he wasn’t trying to replace Mikey’s role in your life, and that the drugs and paranoia had driven you to that conclusion. Pete was a great man, standing by Natalie’s side while she fought to keep you alive. Probably being more accepting than someone else may have been when he and Nat decided to help you. Pete and Natalie both put aside their own lives to help you get better, and get back on your feet, and while part of you wished Mikey was around to ground you as well, Pete’s love and kindness didn’t deserve to be taken for granted.

“That dinner was supposed to be a surprise for you too Peter,” you shot him a tiny glare before reaching for some bread. “I just wanted you both to have a nice night off together, no stress.” The reservation had already been made, but thinking about Pete’s words and the excitement when explaining most everyone knew about the pregnancy, maybe it would have been best for an intimate shower for the two soon-to-be parents.

Pete was definitely a family guy and Natalie came from a big family, maybe a shower would be for the best. Surround them with people who loved and supported them and just allow everyone to bask in the happiness the joyous news brought, you were sure everyone could use a break.

“Okay hypothetically say I put together a small shower for the two of you, is that even something Nat would want?” Sure you knew Nat but Pete was her husband and this was their moment, you didn’t want to ambush her with a party she never wanted.

You watched Pete bristle a little, a nervous smile raised to his lips, “I uh I’m not sure if Nat ever told you but she kinda had this…this whole dream about the two of you,” you frowned confused at what Pete was talking about.

“Well not like an unconscious sleeping dream, more like a-an idea?” Pete’s voice rose at the end of his sentence, not sure if the question in his tone was meant for you or him.

“Pete bud you lost me.” You gave him a small nod of encouragement awaiting his response.

“Um so…after your uh…loss,” a sad smile rose to Pete’s lips, you could see the apology in his eyes. “Nat she uh…she confided in me about how she always wanted to be the one to throw you a shower if you ever decided to have children. And if-when we had our own she’d want you to be in charge of hers…if you wanted to not like she would force you.” The nervous huff of laughter from Pete hung in the air for a minute.

The admission perplexed you, Nat had never brought this up to you directly and maybe it was because she felt like she couldn’t. You weren’t the most open when it came to the topic of your miscarriage always avoiding the conversation whenever Nat tried to breach it.

“Baby…you’re the closest thing Natalie has to a sister. I can promise she would be ecstatic no matter what decision you choose.”

You nodded, the motion happened unconsciously as you tried to take in everything Pete had laid on you. Of course, there were things Nat wouldn’t share with you, but while the two of you were like sisters you didn’t expect her to share every little detail with you. As you let Pete’s words digest you couldn’t help the warm feeling beginning to flood through your body, if you were being honest you weren’t sure if it was the best idea to be throwing anyone a baby shower, but you also knew Natalie deserved to be celebrated, not only for the life she and Pete were creating together, but also for all the work she was doing to ensure that The Bear had a fighting chance.

“Okay,” your head continued its up-and-down motion. “Yeah okay let’s do it but I’m going to need your help, Pete.” You watched the smile on his face increase tenfold, your own wide smile spreading your lips due to how contagious Pete’s joy was.

“Anything and I mean anything Baby, I am your guy.” Pete’s giddiness warmed you even more, you didn’t think you had ever been surrounded by anyone with such a positive attitude before. In the beginning, when Natalie and Pete first began dating, his electric personality was a bit much but you found yourself always trying to make Pete feel included, especially with how off-putting the rest of the Berzatto clan could be.

And when you were recovering it was almost like you had to re-acclimate yourself to Pete’s personality. Your recovery was hard, there were some days you weren’t even sure if you wanted to get better or if you wanted oxygen to continue filling your lungs. But Pete was so positive and always looking at life and your situation with a ‘glass half full’ mentality, that his constant belief in you helped to make the hard days easier.

A small sigh escaped your lips as you readied yourself for the question you were about to ask. “Pete, do you think you could give me Carmen’s number?” You tried not to roll your eyes as you saw Pete’s own light up, you were almost positive he would be telling Nat about this topic of conversation. “Before you get any ideas, I just need it to invite him to the shower.” You raised your hands in defense hoping Pete wouldn’t look into this any more than he already was.

“No can do B, the idea train has already left the station.” His fingers drummed on the table with excitement. “But I will do you one better,” you frowned as you watched Pete pick up his phone, fingers skating across the screen before he held it up to show you. A call to Carmen already going through as Pete sent you a thumbs-up.

You looked at the screen eyes wide, the shock temporarily paralyzed for a moment. The quiet sound of the ringing between the two of you brought you back. “Pete! Hang up the phone.” Your voice was terse as you spoke trying not to draw too much attention from other patrons.

Pete laughed, “He never answers my calls anyway.” Pete’s words irritated you, but you were glad to see the call go to voicemail before Pete pressed the end call button and set his phone down.

You let out a surprised laugh, Pete had definitely been too influenced by the Berzattos during his time with Natalie. The little stunt he just pulled was something you knew both Richie and Mikey would do if given the chance.

“Baby?” Your head raised eyes meeting Pete’s, “I know this may sound selfish, but I…I need you to figure out this thing between you and Carmen.” Your eyebrows furrowed the need to defend yourself hitting you full force, you opened your mouth to respond but stopped as Pete raised his hand, a signal to let him continue.

“I know Baby, I know. I’ll be honest with you, as much as I love Nat’s family I think you should’ve given up on Carmen a long time ago.” Your jaw fell slack, and Pete’s eyes widened a bit. “No, no just for your own wellbeing, your peace of mind.” You began nodding as Pete explained himself better. “I just, whatever is going on between you and Carmen, it’s affecting Nat. And she won’t tell you because you deserve to feel how you feel, but with the baby and the restaurant…she doesn’t need to play "Fix it Felix” with you and Carmen right now.”

You let out a small chuckle at Pete’s explanation, over the years he had begun expressing himself to you more. You being the only one on Natalie’s side who actually gave him the time of day and willfully listened to him, helped him to gain more confidence when around the rest of the Berzattos. You reached for your glass of water, taking a long sip before setting it down.

“Thank you, Pete, for being honest,” you sighed, finger playing with the condensation on your cup. “If I’m being honest, it's easy to forget that Nat’s in the middle of everything. She’s so good at pretending it doesn’t affect her.” A rueful smile rose to your lips, as great as a friend as Natalie had been to you through everything, you weren’t sure the same could be said for yourself. “You’re right, Carmen and I are adults, we should be able to figure this out ourselves. I’ll…I’ll call him, figure things out.” You sent Pete a small smile.

Recently it felt like Natalie and Pete nursed you back to health and then for some reason became your surrogate parents. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with leaning on them, the three of you did endure a traumatic experience together so it was understandable. But maybe you had become too comfortable and relied on them too much to ‘fix’ your life. You could understand where Pete was coming from and he had every right to put his wife’s well-being before the feelings of his friends.

You knew Natalie and Pete would be amazing parents and of course, Nat’s fears were valid. But you had seen firsthand just how loving, caring, and kind the couple was, and while that wasn’t all that went into raising a child it was like a part of you just knew that their child would be in great hands.

“Enough about my poor life choices Pete, have you guys thought of any names?” The timing of the question couldn’t have been more perfect, Pete perked up at the question, eyes glazing over with excitement. A waiter stopped by your table to deliver your entrees as Pete began animatedly explaining his and Nat’s process for picking names.

A part of you ached at how happy Pete was, if things were different, maybe in another life you would’ve been able to see that excitement on another man’s face. Maybe the two of you would’ve come up with your own system for picking out names.

You listened as lunch continued, no matter how many times the thought had crossed your mind, you would always be grateful that Natalie had found a partner to love her in the ways she deserved.

 It was silent between you and Cortez as you made your second lap around the block, the church in the distance behind you. Your hands were preoccupied with a warm disposable cup of hot cocoa as Cortez gingerly sipped his choice of tea. This had become the routine for your meetings with your sponsor, the two of you would meet at the bodega a little ways away from the church that housed both AA and NA meetings. Then continue your meeting with a few circles around the block before ending at the church stairs when all was said and done.

The air was tense between the two of you, Cortez hadn’t taken kindly to your decision to skip out on the few check-ins that you had asked for. In the beginning, you were in constant contact with Cortez, feeling the match between the two of you out. As you progressed through recovery and got back into the routine of daily life the daily talks between the two of you began to dwindle as you settled into life as a recovering addict.

But after that initial meeting at The Beef, being in Carmen’s presence again, surrounding yourself with Richie and the life you once knew, the meetings with Cortez picked back up in frequency. And you were doing fine for some time, the man meeting with you when you needed it, always willing to speak with you whenever you asked and it was helpful, god was it helpful. But then you made it to step nine, step eight in the recovery program was its own monster that Cortez helped you through especially when it came to who didn’t need to be on your list.

You made the decision to text Cortez after admitting your faults to Richie. As great as it felt to finally be open with Richie and let him into your life, it also brought with it the urge to use again. Richie had been kind enough to take the bottle of champagne off your hands that night, but the desire to call Fak and ask if Theo had anything he could spare almost won out. But as you scrolled through your contacts the red icon hovering over the voicemail tab brought you back to your senses.

“So your friend Richie knows?” Your eyes shot to Cortez taking in his side profile before focusing back on their attention focused on the steaming paper cup of coffee gripped in their hands.

“Yeah, his daughter kind of spilled the beans.” You nodded playing with the frayed edges of your jeans.

“That’s a bit fucked up don’t cha think?” Cortez’s brows furrowed. “I mean how does his little girl know but he don’t that’s gotta hurt.”

You rolled your eyes, “Aren’t you supposed to like not be judgmental?” Cortez’s laugh felt like it was grating on your ears, as good a sponsor as he was, he had the personality of an annoying older brother you were happy not to have.

“It ain’t even judgment though, it’s an observation.” You didn’t have to be looking at him to know that annoying smirk was on his lips as he shrugged his shoulders.

You stopped as Cortez dropped his now empty cup in a trash bin on the street, “Didn’t know you received your inspector gadget certification.”

“That smart ass mouth is bouta be the reason you out here looking for a new sponsor,” you let out a cackle before taking a much-needed sip of your hot cocoa. “Sound like my daughter with that dumb shit.” If you didn’t know the man who was walking by your side, you would’ve thought he was actually upset, but you could tell by the uptick of his lips he didn’t take anything to heart.

The two of you rounded the corner coming up on the church. You watched as Cortez plopped his long limbs down on one of the steps, opting to sit on the railing. Cortez took out his pack of cigarettes bringing the box to his mouth and removing one before offering the box in your direction. You slipped one out a small laugh escaped you at the irony of everything, how you had once been so against the cancer sticks that those around you would make sure not to smoke around you. And then instead of indulging in a nicotine addiction, you turned to alcohol and prescription pills, the fact that you would smoke a cigarette here and there to appease your urges now felt a bit comical.

You leaned forward allowing Cortez to light your cigarette, “Man ain’t nothin’ like smoking on Big G’s doorstep.” Cortez’s voice filled the silence that had settled over the two of you, you took a drag of the cigarette, a small chuckle escaping you with the smoke.

“I used to hate these fucking things.” The disgust on your face was obvious even as the stick hung from your mouth.

“Why you take one every time I offer 'em’ then?” Cortez switched positions leaning his elbows on the step behind him as he stretched his long limbs out in front of them, offering a wave to the few people entering the church for whatever meeting was scheduled to take place.

You shrugged eyes falling to Cortez’s beat-up boots as you sucked the nicotine deep into your lungs, “They’re the same brand Mikey smoked.”

“Damn ma, that shits kinda sad.” The two of you locked eyes before small laughs left the both of you. You had been around Cortez for so long that you’d picked up on his need to turn most anything into a joke. And while in the beginning, it pissed you off, you realized that’s just who he was and that sometimes being able to laugh in serious moments or at your trauma was helpful.

“Nah seriously though better smokin’ these than messin’ with that shit that hooked you in the first place. Know what I mean?” You nodded, finishing off the cigarette in your hand before taking the second cigarette Cortez offered. You knew how these things went and had spent so much time with the man that you learned to read him. Cortez only ever smoked two cigarettes and offered you two if the conversation was gonna be a rough one.

“Where you at with them apologies?” You sighed letting the man light your cigarette one more time, allowing the fumes to warm your lungs.

You dropped from your seat on the railing, your backside had gone numb. You settled yourself to lean against the railing “I mean I told Richie the truth and there were a lot of apologies in that conversation. But I feel like he deserves a better apology.” You shrugged, your attention dropping to Cortez as he listened.

“Ima be honest wit chu, this might be the hardest part of recovery. Shit I know it was f’me admittin’ to my little girl her father was a fuckin’ junkie. But at the end of the day, you gotta remember this recovery shit is for you. If homeboy loves you like a sister like you say he does, all that should matter to him is that yo annoyin’ ass still here. A’ight, ma?” You listened, nodding along to his words. “All you can do is apologize for the shit you did, you can’t control whether people forgive you or not, and remember ain’t nobody gotta fuck with your apology if they don’t want to.”

You let Cortez’s words settle into you, to anyone else his words may not have seemed genuine but this is just who Cortez was. And you knew no matter how nonchalant he sounded he was speaking every word from his heart.

“You still fuckin with that lil dumbass boy?” The question caused you to choke on the last bit of cocoa in your cup.

“We had a falling out, he’s one of the people I have to apologize to though.” The cigarette between your fingers continued to burn. “There’s a lot I still haven’t told him…the substance abuse, the reasons behind my overdose.” An exhausted sigh pushed its way through your lips. It was like one thing after another when it came to you and Carmy.

“Listen I know we ain’t sposed to have like personal relationships and shit, but lemme know what homeboy looks like I’ll get my goons on em’ for you.” Your head fell back in laughter as Cortez raised his fist to under both of his eyes.

“No goons Cortez, please. Wait, have you ever actually put a hit on somebody before?” You obviously didn’t know Cortez as well as you would have if the two of you were friends. But it wasn’t hard to tell that he would get down if need be.

“Why someone say somethin’?” The two of you shared a laugh, the now more frequent people entering the church signifying that your time together was coming to an end.

“Aight, I gotta head in, get shit set up in there. But ima send you the info for Nar-Anon you give that shit to people who still choose to put up with yo ass. You comin' in?”

You shook your head sending him a small smile, “I came to the morning meetings today.”

You nodded in thanks as Cortez stood up, pushing yourself off the railing. You placed the cigarette between your lips leaving your hands open to do the handshake Cortez insisted you did after each meeting. When he first introduced it you were still getting used to the idea of being a recovering addict and thought he was fucking crazy. But you realized he used it as a way to break the serious desolate feeling that some of these meetings ended on, to help bring some light to what was such a dark reality.

At least that’s how he explained it to you, but you were sure he just liked doing the handshake his daughter helped him come up with.

“Ima see you when I see you ma stay straight.” You chuckled before turning on your heel to head to your parked car. Putting the bud of the cigarette out against the trash bin you passed. It was still early, enough time for you to knock out some baby shower shopping before it got too late.

Carmen stopped in his tracks, eyes finding your figure across the street. You were in front of the church that held the Al-Anon meetings he told you about. Maybe you would be attending the one he was here for, his eyes traveled to the man sitting on the steps you were talking to eyebrows furrowing as he realized the vapors leaving your mouth weren’t from your warm temperature, but instead the stick you had raised to your mouth.

“Baby?” The question left his lips in a quiet whisper, he knew it was you standing across the street but it had been a few weeks since your last interaction he was sure he had imagined you. But he would know you anywhere, by scent alone. He couldn’t help the shock at watching you smoke, something you had been so opposed to since the two of you were children. Even going so far as telling Carmy you couldn’t be friends when he smoked his first cigarette at 15, the stalemate barely lasted a day after you realized how dumb the idea was.

Carmy watched as the two of you stood up, his hopes to see you inside dwindling as he watched the two of you begin to part ways, an intricate handshake taking place before you turned to leave. He watched as your figure disappeared around the corner, a quiet ‘shit’ leaving his lips before he darted across the street trying to catch you before you were gone for good.

“Baby! Hey!” His shouts were useless, you were too far gone to have even heard him. “Fuck!” One hand raised to sit on the bill of his cap, the universe seemed like it was doing everything in its power to keep the two of you apart. Or maybe it was just the way things were meant to be.

Carmy turned to see the man you were with still standing in the same spot you left him, eyes narrowed as he took in Carmy’s figure. The man eyed Carmy for a moment longer, sending a head nod his way before turning and entering the church. Carmy was tempted to follow the man and ask about you, but whatever your relationship with the unknown man was, it was none of Carmy’s business.

He sighed eyes shooting up to the sky before taking a deep breath and making his way inside, not wanting to be late and disturb the Al-Anon meeting before it began. Carmy made his way to the room where the meeting usually took place, eyes landing on the same man from outside once more as he greeted members, the sign near the door he stood by signifying it was an NA meeting. Carmy stopped for a moment, eyes darting between the man and the sign he’d just read.

“You lost kid?” Carmy looked at the man brown furrowed as he shook his head, he sent a tight smile the man's way before walking two doors down for his own meeting. Carmen’s brain felt like it was racing a mile a minute. If you weren’t coming to the Al-Anon meeting, why were you here? And why were you talking with someone who appeared to be leading NA meetings?

The vibrating of his phone caught his attention, the device easily slipped out of his pocket. He felt the air leave his lungs as your name flashed across his screen, he realized just how indecent setting that Polaroid picture of you with his chain on might have been now that he was in public, but it’s not like he ever thought you’d call him.

How’d you even get his number?

“Carmen, hey, we’re about to start your coming?” His head shot up to one of the usual who attended these meetings and would talk to him on occasion.

“Yeah uh, just give me a minute.” Carmy gave a tight smile, eyes flashing back to his phone finger moving to swipe across the screen, the call abruptly ending before he even got the chance to hear your voice. Carmen was sure he had the worst luck in the world, a defeated sigh leaving him, he was almost positive there was no chance you were calling him back.

Quickly putting his phone on Do Not Disturb and in the safety of his jacket pocket, he entered the meeting, as much as he wanted to drop everything and fix things with you. He wasn’t even sure what you had called him for. Carmen also knew it was for the best to attend the meeting,

Carmen was sitting in his car allowing it to warm up as he waited. The skyline began to reflect the sunset, the time on the dashboard letting him know it was around dinner time. He fished his phone out of his pocket mindlessly checking the notifications he’d gotten while in the meeting.

Carmy’s brows furrowed at the flurry of messages he received from a group chat he wasn’t aware he was a part of. He frowned as he opened it, your contact is one of the many in the text chain. The only contact with a photo was yours, making you easily distinguishable, he realized the rest of the people in the chat were the restaurant crew. He scrolled through the messages eyes reading over your message with details about a baby shower, your address included.

Carmy exited out of his messages, unsure of how things were between the two of you. It had been three weeks since the argument and neither of you had tried contacting the other. But here he was with a message from you, and a missed call and he wasn’t sure how to take any of it.

He decided it was a good idea to call you back, and try and feel out the atmosphere between the two of you. His heart felt like it was stuttering in his chest as his finger hovered over his screen; you left him a voicemail. He needed to know what the message said, but a part of him was also worried he might not like what he heard, he had hurt you too many times to count, and if whatever you had to say to him broke him down more than he already was, well then he was sure he deserved it.

Carmen took one last deep breath before clicking on the voicemail and raising the phone to his ear, heart pounding in his chest as he heard the sweet whisper of your voice.

‘Hey Carmen, uh it’s me…Baby. Not sure why I introduced myself. I'm sure you know it’s me.” Carmy let out a watery chuckle at the sound of your voice, even if he hadn't saved your number the delicate timber of your voice would’ve been enough for him.

“Listen uh, I got your number for Pete. I hope you don’t mind, I know you have issues with girls actually having your number…Sorry, that was actually kind of rude. Anyway, I uh…Pete helped put things in perspective for me and I, I think we need to talk Carmen. I’m not sure when or if you even want that, but I think we both deserve a chance to explain our side of things. I um…I also have some things I think you should know. Just, if this is something you’re interested in, you have my number.” Carmen felt his heart rate slow down your words, nothing more than a piece offering.

“I just want to be clear though, um..if I don’t hear back from you, I’m going to take that as a sign. So yeah, call me back or something I guess.” The line finally went silent, your voice no longer caressing Carmy’s ears.

It felt like he was having heart palpitations but he knew it was just his nerves getting the best of him. He pulled the phone away from his ear, the time on his phone reading 5:30 p.m. Carmy quickly opened the group chat scrolling through to find your address and open it up in maps. You lived about 30 minutes from where he was, he was confident he could get there in 20 and spare the 10 minutes at a store near you.

Carmen made his decision as he set his phone down in the cup holder before beginning his journey. The ball was in his court, you had given him an olive branch and it was up to him whether he accepted it or not. He was nervous, maybe showing up at your house to cook you dinner wasn’t his most thought-out plan but he needed you desperately, needed to see you, be in your presence, and know that there was still a chance of something more between the two of you.

The hope Carmy felt when he saw you calling him earlier was now back tenfold: the pendant delicately resting against his chest felt warm. Carmen was adamant that he would admit his love for you tonight, unsure if he could go another day living with the fact that you were in love with him, but you still didn’t know just how much he had always loved you. You were so blissfully unaware that since he could remember, you had been the one and only option in his mind.

a/n: wowza, long time no see. i apologize that this is a bit of a filler chapter but it felt kinda necessary idk. anway please let me know if there are any problems with this chapter it's barely edited. enjoy : )

also also: both richard cabral as coco in mayans and manny montana as rio in good girls inspired cortez the sponsor, but head canon him as whoever you want…okay bye now 🤍

[svnoofy]

SYNOPSIS - your entire life has been measured by christmases, specifically– those spent with the lee household. every christmas, it was the same, and your feelings for the boy you grew up with during those christmases stayed the same too. however, as time passed, a few things changed and matters of the heart become a little more complex. could it be possible that there was more to look forward to this christmas than just your favorite hot cocoa?

PAIRING - lee heeseung x fem reader

GENRE - romance, slow burn, fluff, an attempt at crack, light angst, brother’s best friend trope-ish, “she fell first, he fell harder” trope

WARNINGS - profanity, minor references to sex and inappropriate topics, heeseung being very much conrad-coded

THIS STORY IS LOOSELY BASED OFF THE SERIES: THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY

christmas at the lee household was something you looked forward to each and every year. so much so that your entire life was measured by christmases.

you spent christmases with your mom, older brother, yeonjun and the lees, conveniently because your moms were best friends. mrs lee had a son– heeseung, who you basically spent your entire childhood with besides your brother.

while heeseung and yeonjun had a close relationship from the start, you and heeseung, didn’t always hit it off. at one point, he was hiding your christmas edition barbie dolls because he was embarassed to be seen with them! (you didn’t blame him though– he was two years older than you so he didn’t get the hype)

but eventually, both of you grew out of the silly trivial things that pulled you apart as young kids and you found yourself enjoying his company just as much as he did yours.

he’s seen you through all your phases and vice versa. he was there when you were wearing pink everyday, your emo era and even through your braces and dungarees phase (which was literally last year) and to be completely frank, somewhere along the lines: you fell for him.

oh, and as if news didn’t travel fast enough: the whole house knew! and it has become a tradition for everyone to tease the hell out of you when he’s around. no worries though, he made it painfully clear that he saw you just as his little sister (yikes)

every year it was the same: it always started off with a family dinner, followed by cocoa by the fire place with some fun games to accompany— which repeated until christmas day itself, which, you thought, when the fun really began.

“are you seriously not going to bring any sexy outfits? seriously?”, giselle raised an eyebrow from your bed– supposedly helping you pack.

you shot a confused look at her, “babes i’m going to celebrate christmas with my family not a honeymoon at bora-bora”

giselle rolled her eyes, “if you WANT heeseung to finally look at you, then—”, she dangles a red, slinky, dress towards you, notioning you to add it to your luggage.

“tis’ the season you get laid babes”, giselle winks.

your cheeks flush pink, “giselle!”, you smack her leg.

“HEY, I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP”, giselle yelped in defense.

giselle gets up from bed and drags you to your standing mirror— “you’ve changed a lot since last year, and you HAVE to embrace it babes! i promise, he’s going to regret ever sister-zoning you!”, she hugs your shoulders.

part of you knows she has a point, but realistically, how much could you have changed? giselle was probably just being nice.

“y/n are you ready? we have to go soon!”, your mom called from the bottom of the stairs.

you gave giselle one final hug and you intertwined your hands with her in a secret handshake.

“promise you’ll tell me whatever happens between you and heeseung?”, she prompts.

“duh, you have my word”, you wink before lugging your bags down the stairs.

the drive to the lee family house was long and with your brother driving, of course you two were arguing over the bluetooth connection. yeonjun had presented the lame excuse of “needing it for gps”, when really: you knew he wanted to blast anime music that you had no understanding of.

“come on jun, just let your sister play her music–”, your mother notioned to yeonjun, who pouted at the mirror and sighed.

“fine”, he pouted yet again, earning a scoff from your mother.

you rejoiced, finally!, you thought.

you put your christmas playlist on shuffle and stared out of the window, the familiar neighborhood coming into vision amidst the blanketing snow.

your heart swelled at the sight of the people putting up lights, garlands and decorations alike: christmas is here again, you fondly thought.

as you drove through the icy roads, with last christmas by wham! playing in the background, you felt as though you were in a scene from a christmas movie.

when you arrived at the drive way of the lee family house, you were hit with the nostalgic scent of rosemary. mrs lee must be baking her famous potato casserole again, you thought– eliciting a grumble from your stomach.

“y/n, come help me unload our bags”, she taps your shoulder from the backseat, to which you quickly unfastened your seat belt to assist your mom.

at this point, yeonjun had long disappeared into the warm embrace of the cabin while you helped your mother unload the bags.

“soojin?”, you heard a familiar voice call out.

it was mrs lee– she stood on her door step, arms wide open to give your mother a welcome hug.

your mother smiles back before coming into her embrace– the sight was warming your heart more than any fire could.

mrs lee’s eyes stray to you for a moment and she almost screeches.

“y/n! my dear you have grown so much! she’s gorgeous soojin!”, mrs lee praised.

she went towards you and placed her warm hand on your cheek, “you’re in bloom, my snowflake”

mrs lee had a way of saying things that almost made you believe her.

she then notices the bags on the driveway, left unattended, to which she gasped, “let me get the boys for this”

she goes up to the door to beckon the boys out, and as you stood, frozen on the driveway in anticipation, you saw him, struggling to get his gloves on.

he had his usual polo sweater on, but this time he was taller, his hair was longer and it fell a little over his eyes– which had always been your favorite feature of his.

as you stood frozen on the driveway, your eyes met with his as he walked towards you. you felt your heart beat a million times a minute.

there he was, the boy you’ve longed for your entire life.

you stood there, across from him, as he took the sight of you in.

“what happened to your glasses?”, he asked.

“i don’t wear them anymore”, you explained.

he went around you to get your bags, lifting them easily compared to you and your mom’s efforts combined.

“i liked your glasses”, he leaned over slightly causing you to stiffen up, “but welcome back, y/n”, he pinches your nose– another familiar tradition.

he lugs your bag into the house and right as he reached the doorstep, he looked back at you, hands motioning you to come in.

“come in, you’ll freeze out there”, he says. you run towards the door at his invitation, closing the door right behind you when the both of you enter.

“so, how was everyone’s year?”, mrs lee asks, wine glass in hand.

“it was great mrs lee— i got into our university’s dance team!”, yeonjun bragged earning exaggerated and sarcastic applauses from heeseung, to which yeonjun responded by tossing a potato in his direction.

your mother shot yeonjun an icy glare as a reminder to behave, and he cleared his throat in realization.

“oh yeah and mrs lee, your son is a HIT at campus, he’s being hit on by girls left and right, it’s sickening!”, yeonjun remarked.

you were somewhat in a state of disappointment yet you weren’t surprised.

you had to admit, you always found lee heeseung handsome— but somehow, this christmas, your heart catapulted more than it usually did.

heeseung fiddled with the potatoes on his plate using his fork, clearly uncomfortable of the topic that arose.

“i guess— it’s because he looks so much like me”, mrs lee commented with a wink, earning a chuckle from heeseung– who was clearly unsure how to react.

you pursed your lips, avoiding eye contact with the boy across you.

“how about you, my snowflake?”, mrs lee asks– all eyes darting towards you.

“uhm..”, you thought about what had happened this year that was remotely interesting to share.

off the top of your head, you shared: “i got my braces off”, you smiled flashing your pearly whites, eliciting laughs from mrs lee and heeseung.

“no shit, dumbass”, yeonjun remarked, earning a kick under the table from your mom.

“yeonjun, be nice”, to which he pouted to, “come on moomm, you always defend y/n”, he flashes his morbid puppy eyes at her, only to earn a distasteful roll of the eyes from your mom.

“my snowflake has grown so beautifully”, mrs lee remarked, causing you to blush.

“thanks mrs lee”, you smiled at the nickname she has always given you.

you didn’t even notice the eyes that lingered on you a little longer than they should– from the boy across from you.

as usual, cocoa by the fireplace followed suit after dinner— and you were so excited to finally taste the best hot cocoa you have ever had in your life again.

as you topped your cocoa with a pile of marshmallows in the kitchen, you couldn’t help but overhear the boys chatting with each other.

“is that girl from school still texting you?”, yeonjun asked.

“uh i guess, there are a few of them”, heeseung replies, doubtfully.

“bro– don’t tell me you’re still hung up over wonyoung– come on man, that was monthsss agooo”, yeonjun drawled, earning a half-hearted sigh from heeseung.

oh, he’s had a girl friend before this, you thought– the familiar dreadful feeling arising in your tummy.

“i guess, but i don’t know– i feel like i still like her”, heeseung says, very much in the same doubtful tone he started with.

you don’t know why you were all sad about what you heard, it’s not like he was your boyfriend after all– but you couldn’t deny that it stung a little to witness the boy you like missing someone that wasn’t you.

you stayed up all night thinking about the conversation between heeseung and your brother – the name in the conversation repeating itself in your head like a mantra.

wonyoung, she sounds beautiful – you thought as you brushed your teeth.

after washing up, you sleepily make your way down to the kitchen, where everybody was. heeseung was with your mom, solving a crossword puzzle while yeonjun helped mrs lee with the pancakes for breakfast.

when mrs lee noticed your presence, she set her spatula down and rushed in to give you a hug.

“good morning sweetie, did you sleep good?”, she asks only for you to lie: “slept great, mrs lee”

you took a seat at the bar table, eyes wandering for the oat milk carton. before you could even stand up to look for it, heeseung comes up from right behind you and places a tall glass of oat milk right beside you.

“i know you hate cold milk”, he says with a smile– before walking over to yeonjun, who was trying his best to salvage his pancakes.

your heart fluttered at heeseung’s gesture, this was one of the many reasons you had fallen for him.

FLASHBACK

“which flavor should we get heeseung?”, a young yeonjun asks with a mischievous grin on his face.

the whole family was spending the day at the market– and although the boys were warned far earlier to stay away from the candy cart, yeonjun and heeseung had been saving up to splurge on candy the whole year! and with a little bit of will power, they managed to slip away from their moms– who at the time, were distracted by the attractive holiday candles for sale.

“i want peppermint and licorice!”, yeonjun exclaims, grabbing a fistful of each candy he wanted.

unlike yeonjun, heeseung was carefully contemplating his choices— but, before all, he reached in for the pink berry blast candy, which shocked yeonjun to say the least.

“ewwwwwww, you’re choosing pink candy?”, yeonjun gags earning an annoyed eye roll from heeseung.

“it’s for y/n, not me”, heeseung explains before continuing to carefully select his own choice of candy.

when they returned to their mothers, who were, to no shock, still at the candle stand– you stood idly by, noticing how the boys managed to slip away and come back unnoticed.

you weren’t one to snitch though, fortunately.

as you sucked on your thumb, waiting for your mom to finish indulging in the various holiday scented candles, heeseung taps your shoulder.

“i know you like this candy”, he hands the bright-pink candy over to you, a smile plastered in his face.

you were too young to understand what was happening right then and there but even little you, didn’t fail to blush at the kind gesture that was presented to you.

END OF FLASHBACK

the day moved rather slowly— the weather in the neighborhood switched between being gloomy and snowy, which made it hard to plan activities around.

you were laying in your room, folding your laundry, when you heard a knock on your door.

“hey loser”, it was yeonjun.

you rolled your eyes– “no, i am NOT going to fold your stupid underwear again”, you say almost predictably.

“what– no, i just wanted to say– heeseung and i are heading to a party tonight, and you have to keep it shut to mrs lee and mom, got it?”, yeonjun commands.

“what the hell, you guys are sneaking out?”, you ask.

“duhhh, do you think we stay in EVERYTIME for cocoa and game night? obviously heeseung and i are cooler than that”, he explains earning a gasp from your end.

“you’ve BEEN sneaking out this WHOLE time?”, you were exasperated to say the least.

“jealous, loser?”, he teases with a wink, causing your face to contort to a distasteful look.

“whatever it is, we’ll be back midnight, see ya loser!”, he storms out confidently.

what he doesn’t know is, you found out which party he was going to (the only party in town, which giselle took the very kind initiative of finding out) and there is no way in hell, you would miss the opportunity to rebel for once.

when yeonjun and heeseung arrived, the sight they saw was nothing extraordinary.

there were drinks, people making out, and music blaring from every corner.

“heyyy boys!”, the host, jake sim, greeted– giving each of them a dap in the process.

“great to have you back here this year”, jake roughly places his hand on yeonjun’s shoulder– simultaneously handing him a shot of tequila.

“i feeel aliveeee”, yeonjun exclaims after downing the tequila that was handed to him.

jake notions heeseung to take a sip, but he refuses.

“i don’t drink tequila”, he confesses– to which jake nods in understanding with an “ah ok”.

before heeseung could even decide what to do, yeonjun was off on the dance floor, girls surrounding him as if he were a magnet.

heeseung laughs at the sight before moving himself to one of the lounges, grabbibg a can of beer to pop open and enjoy.

unexpectedly, he sees a familiar face wrapped around someone.

wonyoung?

“girl, why are you dressing like a saint– how is heeseung gonna notice you when you’re wearing a literal nun-fit”, giselle remarked when she saw your quote-unquote “overly covering” outfit.

you were rummaging your bag at this point, before you found a rather intriguing piece of clothing– which you definitely never owned.

“is this yours?”, you dangle the red, slinky, dress towards the camera.

“YES! THANK GOD YOU FOUND IT”, giselle cheers in victory.

“yes bitch wear that– hello, there’s a reason i packed it in”, giselle commands, to which you hesitantly oblige.

after you slipped into the dress, giselle’s eyes almost pop out of her skull.

“OH MY GOD Y/N? YOU LOOK STUNNING?? I AM DEAD”, she jokingly motions– earning a shy giggle from your end.

the dress was indeed beautiful, you were just unsure if it looked good on you– it seemed way different than what you would usually reach for.

“if you’re even SECOND-THINKING right now i will smack you from my phone”, giselle suddenly says, as if reading your mind.

“please y/n you look stunning, like santa’s mistress but innocent and hot at the same time– damn, i suck at explaining but you look HOT”, she comments, giggling at parts, almost fangirling.

“now put on that red lipstick you bought and bam, femme fatale who?”, she winks at you with her suggestion.

you apply the red lipstick as instructed and when giselle saw your final look, she almost fainted.

she gave you her final best wishes and told you to put on your best heels– which in true y/n fashion – you forgot.

so, you just slip on your converses and carefully sneak out of the house, careful not to wake your moms.

now you just have to hope, yeonjun is too drunk to notice you were ever there.

when you arrived at the driveway, everyone had their eyes on you.

you felt a little insecure, walking in your dress and parka, into this completely new environment. before you could even make a step further, a guy stops you in your tracks.

“hi beautiful, welcome to my party”, he had a smug look on his face and you just smiled back and thanked him in response.

“have i seen you before? you look new”, he asked– technically you’ve gone to this neighborhood your whole life, it was just your first party.

“yeah, it’s my first party—”, before you could even say anything else— the guy yells: “WE HAVE A NEW PARTY COMER EVERYONE!”

heeseung had his eyes on wonyoung, who was enjoying herself with her new boy accessory.

he wanted to approach her, liquid confidence in hand.

but before he could even take a step towards her, he hears jake’s voice echo to the living room he was in.

“WE HAVE A NEW PARTY COMER EVERYONE!”

from there on, a good majority of the crowd’s eyes diverted to the door– where jake was escorting the new guest, arms linked.

heeseung couldn’t believe his eyes. you were absolutely gorgeous.

crowds cheered and whistled at your entrance, and heeseung stepped closer to where you were walking.

it can’t be her, can it? , he doubted himself.

he confirmed it was you when he saw your stained converses, what is she doing here?

you stood at the kitchen, unsure of what to do. there were so many people, yet you couldn’t find the courage to get along with any of them.

“i love your dress”, you heard a voice from beside you.

you turned to the direction of the voice, to see an angel-like girl next to you.

“oh my god, that means a lot coming from you”, you say with a smile.

“what’s your name, pretty?”, she asks with a smile, before taking a sip from her cup.

“y/n— choi y/n, nice to meet you..”, you prompt for her name in return.

“wonyoung, jang wonyoung”, she smiles.

wonyoung?, you thought– could it be that wonyoung?

before you could ponder a moment longer, the guy who greeted you returned.

“i’m so honored to have the most beautiful girls in town at my party—”, he slurs, earning a scoff from wonyoung.

“grow up jake, i have a boyfriend”, wonyoung rolls her eyes– did they get back together?, you thought

“i didn’t want you anyway.. it’s her i want”, he slurs, smirking at you.

you gulp, unsure what to say or do.

“don’t let him get to your head y/n, he’s just pussy deprived”, wonyoung said.

jake slips his arm around your waist, finishing the last drop of his drink. at this point, you were more than uncomfortable.

“what the hell?”, you hear an agitated voice say.

you look back to see heeseung, infuriated.

heeseung marches up to the both of you and right as you expect him to drag wonyoung away, he drags you away instead.

“heeseung, let go!”, you command. heeseung was fuming.

“what the hell are you even doing with jake? are you trying to fuck yourself over?”, he was angry.

this was the angriest you’ve ever seem him, which brewed similar feelings in you.

“why do you care, heeseung? i want to have fun too!”, you retaliate– attempting to walk away from heeseung to enjoy the party.

he pulls you by your wrist, “no you aren’t, i’m calling a cab– we’re going home”

he drags you with him into the sea on the dance floor, fishing yeonjun out of it, his grip still firm on your wrist.

when he successfully got yeonjun off the dance floor, he was wasted.

after successfully calling a cab, he drags yeonjun in and asks you to sit in the back while he sat at the passenger seat. the whole car-ride was silent. heeseung must’ve been really mad.

you admit you felt bad for ruining their night but: why was he so mad?

seeing you and his ex at the party wasn’t exactly what he expected.

however, what blew him up was seeing jake wrap his arms around you, sickeningly intertwined like lovers. when he saw what ensued, he lost all his cool.

he could barely register that his ex, whom he tried to approach the whole night, was right there.

the next morning comes quickly, and as he laid in his bed, he kept asking himself: why he was as mad as he was seeing you with jake?

it was confusing, he still liked wonyoung– he was certain of it– but even after seeing wonyoung and her new boyfriend smooch around for minutes on end, he barely lifted a finger.

however, when he saw you standing there, a little too close to jake, he lost every ounce of cool in his body and gained a new confidence that he never thought he could have.

you’re not crazy heeseung, it’s different because she’s like your little sister— it’s natural you reacted the way you did: his subconscious self tried to justify his thoughts, with the very same excuse its been using for years.

just like that one time you came to support him during his first talent show at university, and how you proudly cheered for him. his heart fluttered at that but his psyche silenced his heart with that very excuse: “it’s normal for her to support you– she’s like your little sister”

or that one time he felt butterflies in his stomach when you helped patch up an injury on his leg with your barbie first aid kit, before proceeding to make him a cup of hot cocoa– when his heart fluttered yet again, but his subconscious self convinced him: “siblings care for each other, this is nothing”

or even that time he saw you for the first time in a year, and when he saw you standing there, so beautifully in your dress at the party. again, “she’s just like your little sister”

he didn’t understand what was happening to him– could it be denial? maybe, but whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to face it.

at that point, it was a few days until christmas. the house was busy, with cleaners and workers running left and right–hanging decorations and dusting off ornaments.

you decided to help as well, helping the workers hang stockings and garlands around the house.

heeseung stood by the door frame, watching you help the workers decorate the house– a smile unintentionally creeping up on his face.

he observed how your hair was neatly tied back with a ribbon, and how your reindeer knit sweater, which he knew you got from his mom, ran a little too big for you.

you were laughing along with the workers, at a slanted ornament you hung.

a tap on his shoulder snaps him out of his haze, “yo, mom and mrs lee needs us to go to the grocery store to pick up a turkey for the christmas eve dinner so let’s go”, yeonjun announces– dragging heeseung away from the scene.

you barely even noticed his presence, too busy trying to fix the decorations you accidentally ruined.

on the car ride to grocery store, heeseung clears his throat to speak.

“wonyoung’s got a new boyfriend”, he speaks up, eyes on the road.

yeonjun’s eyes widen, “what? SERIOUSLY? i thought she only brought that guy at the party to make you jealous–”, yeonjun says.

“what? no–”, heeseung tries to explain only to be cut off by yeonjun again.

“i think so though! heard you had a new girl during the party– red dress and all! i heard everyone thought she was a hot take– too bad i was too drunk to notice her because we all know, she would’ve come home with me”, yeonjun smirks causing heeseung to cringe.

this guy would regret saying that if he knew it was his sister, he thought.

but hey, since yeonjun already ingrained that scenario in his head– heeseung might as well play along with it. plus, he could use some advice.

“yeah, i had a new girl but i don’t think i can like her”, he confesses.

“awww man, why not? you’re hot, kind of–”, yeonjun giggles, heeseung snorting in response.

“well, being with her is complicated– she’s beautiful, but i’m afraid i would hurt her”, heeseung admits, earning a scoff from yeonjun.

“you say that as if you didn’t date the dean of our university’s daughter but okay– come on heeseung, stop over thinking for once, if you like her, then make your move! don’t let your mind cock block”, yeonjun advises, hitting heeseung with a playful punch.

“alright then”, heeseung says, really hoping yeonjun won’t regret what he said.

“now let’s get this dang turkey”

the night of the christmas eve dinner came quicker than you expected.

the house was filling up with friends and family members, and it was finally beginning to look a lot like christmas.

you went down the stairs, dressed and ready to greet all the faces you hadn’t seen in a year.

you were surprised to see some of the faces from the party too– one of them being, wonyoung, which you assumed was invited by heeseung.

you waved at her, and the other people that were around.

“nice to see you again bub”, she greets, with a hug.

you’re not surprised why heeseung would date someone like her– she was so warm and kind.

when the dinner began, the adults were sat at the dining room, while the kids were sprawled out in the living room.

“i’m sooo bored”, jake complains after the dinner, earning an eye roll from yeonjun.

“you’re always bored when you’re not drunk, jake”, he retaliates.

wonyoung sat across from heeseung, which seemed strange for a couple.

“do you guys want to play spin the bottle?”, jake smirks.

everyone cheered in unison, approving his idea.

yeonjun grabs a bottle from the kitchen, and everyone forms a circle on the floor.

the first few spins were uneventful, the kisses being short pecks rather than long, deep, kisses– which earned boos from everyone.

however, when the bottle landed on heeseung and wonyoung, the air tensed up.

heeseung sat still, wonyoung the same.

“are we getting a kiss or no– OUCH”, jake groaned, when yeonjun kicked his foot– intentionally.

the air was so thick with tension– you began shifting in your seat uncomfortably.

“fine, let’s change the course— heeseung do you like anyone?”, wonyoung suddenly asks and his eyes widen.

his eyes land on yours before he could say anything.

however, right as he was about to answer, your mom called out to you.

“y/n can you please get something from aunt mijoo’s car”

when everyone left, it was late in the night.

you had trouble falling asleep, so you headed to the kitchen to make some hot cocoa.

you were shocked to see heeseung, still in his sweater, staring out the window.

“heeseung– oh my god you scared me”, you gasped.

he looked at you, his body slightly slumped.

“are you hungry?”, he asks, observing your actions.

“nope– i just need some cocoa to help me sleep”, you reply, earning a chuckle from the boy.

“you’re the first person i know who uses sugar to fall asleep”, he walks up to you and pats your head.

at that point, it was nearing midnight.

you opened the cupboard, searching for the cocoa powder.

great, you thought, it’s waayy on the top shelf

you sighed in defeat, your head hung low.

heeseung notices this, and he easily reaches for the cocoa.

“need some help?”, he offers the cocoa powder in his hand, a smirk plastered on his face.

you roll your eyes, “thanks, i guess”

he giggles, leaning back on the kitchen island– watching your every move.

you whip up your concoction, preparing an extra mug for heeseung– as he stood by, watching you.

“wonyoung is so pretty”, you suddenly say– causing him to choke on some air.

“suddenly?”, he remarked.

“she is though, i understand why you froze around her”, you giggled, eyes focused on the hot cocoa you were making.

heeseung was speechless, he wasn’t sure where exactly you were going with this.

“i mean i wouldn’t expect less from the lee heeseung’s girlfriend”, you bitterly applauded, which causes the boy to choke on his spit.

“girlfriend? where’d you hear that?”, he asks confusedly.

“she’s your girlfriend.. right?”, you tilt your head, twice as confused as he was.

“uh– first off, sure i guess she’s pretty but when i froze– that wasn’t the reason, second– she’s not my girlfriend, well, not anymore at least”, he explains.

when you heard this, you somehow felt a sense of relief – relief at the fact that wonyoung and heeseung weren’t together.

“what!”, you let out, sounding a little too happy. you cleared your throat and ask him again: “heeseung, why did you get mad at me during.. the party?”, you hesitated a little towards the end, flashbacks of heeseung’s anger replaying in your head like a broken tape.

“well..”

oh shit, he thought. he hasn’t quite figured out the reason himself– so, he’ll stick to his brain’s text book answer.

“because, you’re like my little sister, y/n”, he lies– he knows that, of all reasons, was not the one.

there it was, the very thing you dreaded to hear.

“oh..”, was the only thing you could respond with.

good thing your hot cocoa was ready! you poured two servings, one for him and one for yourself.

you took out all the toppings, and proceeded to add marshmallows to your hearts content.

“did you want some?”, you asked heeseung– but he shook his head no.

“but i’d like some whipped cream please”, he asks, extending his mug of cocoa to you.

you nod, prepping the can of whipped cream for him, skillfully giving him a swirl before you got a mischievous idea.

you took some whip cream on your finger, stood on your tippy toes, and smeared it on his face, “your wish is my command”, you smirk.

he gasps, taking some cream to do the same with you.

“hey! i just removed my make up!”, you shielded yourself from his attack.

“you started it!”, he exclaimed– chasing you around the kitchen, determined to get some cream in your hair too.

before you knew it, the clock bells rang as it hit 12 am, it was finally christmas.

the both of you stood face-to-face, looking at each other’s cream smeared faces for a moment.

“merry christmas, heeseung”, you greet, earning a giggle from him.

“merry christmas, y/n”

when you left the kitchen, hot cocoa in hand, heeseung’s heart beat raced more than he ever thought it could.

he had been trying so hard to deny it, but now he thinks he can finally accept it: you were more than just a little sister to him.

the wholesome scene in the kitchen replayed itself in your head until the next morning.

you even texted giselle at the crack of dawn to tell her what happened– to which she could only fangirl in response.

everyone was gathered at the living room, sat around in their pajamas.

“merry christmas everyone”, you say– kind of sleepy.

you joined your mom and mrs lee on the couch, giving them a big hug.

“don’t forget, later we have secret santa with everyone coming so, perk up kids!”, mrs lee reminded before she left to go to the kitchen with your mom, to which all of you responded with an enthusiastic smile.

“did you guys manage to get anything for secret santa?”, yeonjun asks you and heeseung.

you and heeseung nod in approval, “yeah, why? did you get anything?”, heeseung asks yeonjun.

“uh yeah– totally, i – yeah fuck it, i forgot”, he finally admits.

“it’s okay i can get a bag of cheetos, i don’t know– what do girls even like”, he sighed in frustration.

you laughed at his defeat, causing him to shoot a glare your direction.

“shut up, loser���

heeseung giggles beside you, causing you to shoot a glare at him. “ok, i’m sorry”

guests poured into the house, one by one, soon enough— all the kids and adults were sprawled out in the living room, getting ready to play secret santa.

unlike the night before, the circle of people who attended that afternoon was a more intimate group of people.

“ok, heeseung, it’s your turn– who are you secret santa for this year?”, mrs lee prompted.

heeseung smiles a little, shyly picking up the small red bag beside him, standing up to head to his designated person.

without you realizing, he made his way towards you.

“merry christmas, y/n”, he greets again, in his gentle voice, to which you shyly accept the red bag whispering a shy “thank you”– all eyes were on you at the time, observing the chemistry.

to be frank, everyone in that room knew how you felt about heeseung, and how much you wanted him to be your secret santa, time and time again.

this time you got what you wanted, and as you caressed the small red bag in your hands, your cheeks warmed up– heeseung’s gentle voice repeating itself in your head.

the day passed quickly and you didn’t get a chance to open the gift yet.

it was only when you had gone back up to your room that you had the chance. you undid the ribbon delicately, as if the bag itself was more precious than what it contained.

you took out the tissue paper that protected the small velvet box which sat in the centre of the bag. you caressed the velvet box with your fingers, your stomach brimming with butterflies and anticipation.

when you open the box, you gasp in surprise and adoration.

it was a necklace, but not just a random charm necklace.

it was a snowflake, each crevice covered in crystals, which sparkled brightly under the moon light which shone through your bedroom window.

you took a moment to read the card it came with, which left you smiling wider than you thought you could:

i saw this necklace at the store a few days ago and it made think of you– because you’re our little snowflake:) i hope you like it.

merry christmas, y/n

you admired the necklace in your hands, a smile creeping up on your face once again. it was beautiful, just like him.

you picked up your phone, typing up a quick text message.

you: thanks for the gift, heeseung. i love it c:

heeseung: no problem, i’m just glad you like it :)

heeseung: hey, it’s snowing out, wanna go build a snowman? ;)

you giggle at his sudden invitation. you put on the necklace, wrap yourself in your warm scarves and puffer jacket before heading downstairs.

you quietly snuck out through the back door of the kitchen, eyes looking left and right for heeseung.

your search didn’t last long when you felt a snowball hit your back.when you turn to the back, you see heeseung hiding behind a bush, gloves messy from the snow ball.

you scoff, rolling up a snow ball and hitting him in return– just like you used to do when you were younger.

“hey! ouch! stop!”, he squirmed, the cold impacting him more than he thought. you laughed at his defenselessness.

again, you stood across him, face to face– admiring his face, just like you did when you first arrived.

the snow was falling from the sky, gently trickling your jackets and hair.

his eyes locked with yours, and you swore time stopped.

“i think there’s something you should know..”, he took a step closer to you, anticipation brewing in your stomach as you looked up at him.

“hmm?”

“i’m sorry i got mad at you during jake’s party and brushed it off as me being protective because “you’re like my sister”–”, he apologized.

“truth is.. that wasn’t even close to the real reason–”, he begun, your eyes glued intently on him.

“thing is.. i never understood why or how i felt about you— and, my subconscious mind would consistently tell me it was because you were just my little sister”, he looked down briefly before meeting your eyes again.

“but, when i found myself missing you, thinking about you and your silly laugh when i crack my terrible jokes– and when i found myself infuriated at the idea that another guy could make you laugh like that, i knew that you were more than what i tried so hard to convince myself you were..”, he took your hands in his, eyes still locked on yours.

“how could i have been so blind to the one person who’s always been there for me.. from the time you patched up my little injury with your precious barbie band aids or even the time you stood front row during my first talent show— it has always been you”, he grips your hand tighter.

“so i was hoping i could be the one for you too..”, he nervously says.

“what do you mean heeseung?”, you ask suddenly, pulling your hands away from his.

at this point he was expecting his heart to be shattered– until you cut off his train of thought.

“you have always been the one for me”, you say suddenly– flashing him with the smile he loved so much.

before he could say anything further, you leapt up onto him, the warmth of your lips embracing his.

he smiled into the kiss, “i love you, my little snowflake”

you giggled, “i love you too”, you say briefly before he engulfs your lips in his again, twirling you in his embrace.

you have always loved christmas, but now, he’s given you a million reasons to love it more.

[ hera’s note ] – hello loves! merry (ADVANCED) christmas! 🎄 here’s an advanced heeseung christmas piece that i wrote while listening to taylor swift and sabrina carpenter’s new christmas EP HAHAHA i hope you all enjoyed this piece 🤍 please let me know what you thought about this one-shot and reblog it if you enjoyed it! i wanted to upload this early because i may be offline for a few days to celebrate this festive season :) anyways, i hope everyone will have a wonderful christmas, hera loves you! <3

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[cranberryjuice-posts]

I love You, so.. please let me go

Synopsis- basically everything after the boat scene if Abby had a girlfriend

Pairings - Abby Anderson X Fem! Reader

An: you guys love my angst dont lie 💔💔

Abby Anderson..

That was the woman of the hour. You had known Abby for a long time, known her well enough that you two had started dating around the same time as Mel and Owen. You two cared for each-other, both looking out for one another both telling eachother everything.

That’s why you were pissed to find out Abby went AWOL. That wasn’t like her and of-course you had to assume it had something to do with Owen being AWOL..

—

Abby was crouching in-front of lev looking around for WLF members trying to figure out what was going on when she heard a strangling noise.

One arm around levs shoulders and your knife pressed to his throat.

“Woah woah WOAH! Holy shit y/n” Abby whispered yelled and held her hands out to calm you.

You panted and gave her a look. “Don’t tell me.. are you trying to save this scars life”

“Seraphite”

“Shut the fuck up” You pressed your blade harder to levs throat not appreciating his tone.. Abby however was reaching out trying to calm you down. Soon she grabbed your hands and softly made you release lev.

As soon as the boy was free he immediately drew his bow and Abby freaked out again. “Dude.. seriously”

Lev just huffed. “She attacked me”

“And she’s no longer doing that so put the bow down damn..” Abby sighed and turned back to you. “Hey..” she gave a soft smile but you rolled your eyes. “Traveling with a scar?! Really Abby”

“Seraphite” lev continued to correct.

“Have you ever heard of keeping your damn mouth closed” You lightly yelled pissed off at the situation. You faced back at Abby. “And going AWOL? What the hell is that about”

Abby just sighed and looked around before grabbing your shoulders. “I’ll explain everything I promise but we need to leave now ok..” she stood up and gave lev a look. Begrudgingly you followed along still pissed off.

The entire way back it was silent other than Abby and levs remarks to one another.

—

Once back at the aquarium you dragged Abby away and forced her to talk to you. “So.. you gonna fill me in on why Mel is upset, there’s two scars—“

“Seraphites” Abby spoke almost immediately even shocking herself.

“Oh my god! You to” you groaned rubbed your eyes. “Whatever look Abby what the hell is going on”

After a pause Abby sighed and finally let up explaining everything she knew.

-

You stood silent and covered your mouth still fustrated but nodded slowly. “Ok…”

“Ok?”

“Yeah ok.. your going to go find some firefly’s or whatever I’m going with you” you looked up and gave Abby a face that showed it wasn’t up for discussion. Abby just nodded and hit her sides. You knew she was hiding something but ultimately you let it go. “Go Talk to that scar— Seraphite whatever kid… that’s his sister in there yeah he’s probably freaking the fuck out”

Before leaving Abby pulled you into a hug. “You know I love you.. right” confused you hugged back. “Uh yeah” you chuckled and patted her.

“What’s this all about” You pulled back and tilted your head.. Abby just sighed and kissed you lightly.

She just closed her eyes and sighed. “Nothing.. it’s nothing”

——

Mel had just finished cursing at Abby.. she looked around fustrated before hearing your voice.

“Abby what is Mel talking about” you walked over slowly with a defensive stance. Abby turned immediately with her breath caught in her throat.

“I-“

“You fucked Owen?” Tears formed in your eyes. You felt as though you were about to throw up at the thought of your girlfriend sleeping with someone else. Abby rushed over and tried to grab you but you just shoved her away. “What is wrong with you!”

In a last resort abby tried to grab your hands “it was an accident please-“

“How do You Have sex on accident!” You ripped your hands away and stepped back.

“Look we We’re arguing and we started to fight and shit esca—“

“You fucked him because shit escalated?!” At this point you were crying while yelling at the girl. Abby couldn’t even try to justify it anymore she just tried to reach out for you but yet again you pushed her away. “We’re done”

Abby paused and shook her head. “Your not serious”

You however very much were. “I am.. I Dont ever want to fucking hear or see you again abby you understand” jabbing a finger into her chest with tears. You bit your lip and shook your head. “What happened to not keeping secrets? What happened to actually being mature adults and telling each-other everything!.. I knew you were selfish Abby but shit you really out did yourself this time” you laughed and stepped back.

Abby reached forward not wanting to loose you but you just shook her off and quickly left.. Abby paced around for a second before kicking a chair to take some of her frustration out. She wiped her eyes and took a minute to think.. Abby had fucked everything up, she lost one of her oldest friends and she just had to loose the woman she loved.

—

Lev had ran away. That’s all you knew as you stood out at the railing watching him leave.. you studied the scene of Owen and Mel going back and forth on if Owen would go.

Abby snapped at him and told him to get his priorities straight. You looked down and spoke up.

“Let me go with you.” You stepped forward but Abby shook her head.

“No. Your too important, stay here and help Mel”

“But—“

“Y/n please.. I know I fucked up but just do this for me ok” she practically begged you.. Abby wanted nothing more than to grab you and kiss you in hopes to make it all better but this was neither the time or place for that, so she settled for the second option asking you to stay safe.

You just nodded and silently watched as she left.. once Abby was out of view you turned to Owen.

“Your a real fucking piece of work Owen.. you don’t deserve Mel and you certainly didn’t deserve Abby” pushing him back slightly and grabbing Mel’s hand before leading her away.

———

Lev and abby returned from the island after she had gone after lev. They stepped into the aquarium but it was eerily quite.. Alice was dead— that’s the first thing abby noticed. Lev drew his bow and Abby grabbed a pipe before slowly walking towards the main part of the aquarium.

That’s where she saw the scene. Owen sprawled out with a gun shot in his chest, Mel with a knife in her throat and you.. you laying on the ground with a wound to your head.

She dropped to her knees in distraught; throwing up as she cried. Lev stood awkwardly not wanting to cause more problems. From the scene most would assume you had just walked in at the wrong time and faced who ever had the gun in hand.

Abby noticed the map on the ground and grabbed it taking a long look at it before standing up and walking to your body.. she bent down and kissed you one final time before letting go…. She was gonna find whoever did this.. and kill them.

AN: not as Angsty as i wished it was but Yk 🙁🙏

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Let It Out

Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader, Castiel & teen!reader

Requested by Anonymous

Having two older brothers who fight monsters had its own set of problems. Being a witch doubled those problems. Suffering from a depression that you didn’t dare tell your family about, that just multiplied everything until every little task felt impossible to complete with such a weight on top of you.

You had had a handle on your life for a long time—after all, you were used to the hunting and the lack of sleep and the loss. That is, until a certain archangel friend of yours died. That was when your depression really got going—Gabriel was gone, and it was like his death reminded you of everyone you’d ever lost, and you couldn’t take it.

The worst part was that you couldn’t tell your brothers; they were busy saving the world, the last thing they needed to hear about was your problems. Besides, they had it just as hard as you, if not harder. Why should you make it all about you?

So, you didn’t say anything, and it was taking its toll on you and your skill set. Magic was dependent on emotions, and yours were everywhere.

It wasn’t just your magic that was changing; school wasn’t going so well either. The boys were too busy to have noticed, but your grades were dropping and—

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice snapped you out of your reverie, and you turned to see him holding up a piece of paper. When you caught a glimpse of the front, your stomach dropped. It was your report card. “What’s this?”

“I-um…” you had nothing to say.

“You can do better than this. Much better. We both know that, so what happened?”

“I-I just…got distracted.”

“Distracted?” You hadn’t noticed Dean in the corner of the room until he stood up and spoke. “By what, hunting? I thought you agreed, school comes first.”

“It does!” You insisted. “I just—“

“If you can’t do both, you know which one you’re dropping,” Sam said.

“No!” You panicked. Hunting was the only outlet you had for your powers, and right now your powers were the only outlet you had for your grief.

“We agreed!” Dean insisted. “You said you would drop hunting if you can’t do both.”

“But I can!”

“This says otherwise.” Sam waved your report card.

“That’s not fair!” You cried. “One report card doesn’t-“

“Your grades have been dropping for a while,” Sam interrupted. “I just didn’t think they would get this bad. I should’ve mentioned it sooner, I just…” he sighed. “I thought it would get better.”

“It will! Don’t stop me from hunting,” you pleaded.

“You’re not giving me much of a choice!”

“Sam, you can’t—“

“That’s enough,” Dean barked, and you both shut up. “We made an agreement, and you’re going to honor it. Until the grades go up, you’re not hunting.” Dean slung his bag over his shoulder as he spoke. “We’ve got work to do. You stay here and study for that test you told me about, understand?” Dean’s tone left no room for argument.

“I understand,” you grumbled, unable to look him in the eye, whether from anger or sadness you weren’t sure.

“Good.”

Your brothers were gone without another word.

As the Impala’s engine started up and the boys drove away, your hands curled into fists and you let out a yell of frustration. You jumped in surprise when the table next to you fell over. Did you bump it? You didn’t think you did.

Maybe you needed to pay closer attention to your powers. Or maybe you just needed to put them to good use.

…

“What do you think you’re doing here?” Dean demanded.

“I think I’m saving your bacon!” You retorted before casting a spell on the closest ghoul.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Sam insisted before taking a headshot at the ghoul heading for Dean.

“You’re welcome,” you grumbled as Dean shot the ghoul that you had petrified with your spell.

“Y/N behind yo-“ a third ghoul pounced on you before Sam got the chance to warn you.

Dean tried to aim at it, but he couldn’t get a clear shot without risking hitting you.

Sam jumped into action at your cry of pain. The ghoul had bitten into your shoulder before Sam managed to tackle it off you.

As soon as you and Sam were clear, Dean blasted the ghoul’s head off.

“Y/N?” Sam was by your side in an instant, peeling the fabric of your shirt away from your bleeding shoulder, cringing when you cried out in pain. “Ok, you’re ok, you’re gonna be fine.”

“That was crazy,” Dean grumbled as he knelt next to you to examine your injury. “That was really stupid, kid.”

“I-I didn’t see him,” you cringed. “I-I’m sor-“ you broke off with a cry of pain when Dean lifted your head, jostling your injured shoulder.

“You shouldn’t have even been here,” Dean sighed, glaring at you. “And I thought you got that guy with a spell! Your magic doesn’t seem to—“

“Dean, she’s bleeding a lot,” Sam interrupted quietly, glancing nervously at the growing puddle of blood beneath you. “I think we should try for Cas.”

“Hey Cas,” Dean stepped away from you to talk to the angel. “Cas, we need you over here! Y/N’s hurt pretty bad. Can you—“

“I’m here.” Sam jumped in surprise when Castiel appeared next to you.

“Cas,” you croaked, whimpering when Sam moved to make room for Cas.

“Shh, it’s alright little one. This won’t hurt at all.” Cas placed two fingers on your forehead, and your wound slowly sealed itself with a blue glow.

“Thanks Cas,” you breathed as you slowly sat up, rubbing your shoulder as the pain slowly went away.

“Cas,” Dean spoke up. “I think her magic’s gone all wack, can you—“

“Dean, I’m fine, really,” you said. The last thing you wanted was your brothers looking in too deep to why your powers seemed to be failing. You would look weak.

“Her powers aren’t anything physical,” Cas said. “If they’re not working correctly, she either mispronounced the spell, or she’s not in the correct mental state to perform magic.”

“Cas.” You wanted to interrupt him, but it was too late.

“Y/N.” Dean stepped closer to you, and you ducked your head to avoid his gaze. “Sweetheart what’s he talking about?”

“I’m fine.” Your voice came out small and timid.

“Y/N, talk to me.” Sam stepped forwards.

You shook your head, blinking hard and fast in a failed attempt to keep the tears at bay. Your hand unconsciously sought out something to hold onto, and your fingers clamped onto Cas’s trench coat.

“Are you alright?” Cas’s gentle voice was the only invitation you needed, and you practically flung yourself into his arms, burying your face against his shirt as your tears began to fall. Cas froze for a moment, unsure of what to do, but slowly he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you tightly against him.

“It’s alright,” he soothed. “It’s ok, I’ve got you little one.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” you sobbed, clutching onto Cas like a life preserver. “I-I miss Gabriel. And-and Joe and Ellen, and my-and my dad.”

“I know,” Cas sighed. “I know, it’s ok.”

“I didn’t mean for it to mess up the hunt.”

“It’s not your fault,” Cas promised. “You’re allowed to feel like this. It’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok.”

“Maybe we should take her home,” Sam cut in.

“Don’t go.” Cas’s heart constricted at your whimpered plea as you held on even tighter to him.

“I won’t,” he whispered to you before looking at Sam. “Go on, I’ve got her.” With that, Cas disappeared with you.

You jumped in surprise when you arrived suddenly in your room.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said. “I didn’t mean to surprise you.”

“I’m ok,” you sniffled, still unwilling to let go of Cas.

“Ok.” Cas smiled. “Would you like to lay down?”

You nodded, and Cas led you over to your bed and let you lean on top of him after he laid down.

“I’m sorry,” you said finally, your throat constricting as the tears returned.

“Don’t ever apologize for what you’re feeling,” Cas said, wrapping his arms around you. “You can let it out now, you don’t have to hide it.”

“I just don’t want Sam and Dean to think I can’t do this,” you cried.

“You can trust them. You don’t have to be alone with this, you never do.”

You didn’t respond, and Cas didn’t push it. He held you in his arms and you finally let out your years upon years of tears that you hadn’t let yourself cry before. Eventually you fell asleep, and still Cas didn’t move.

Most times when he was needed, it was so he could heal your or your brothers physically, and that was easy for him. This was much harder; he wasn’t well versed in human emotion, and he wasn’t all that sure that he was helping you correctly, but he sensed that his presence was all you needed.

So here he would stay.

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy

[too-deviant]

idk if you’d be comfortable writing this but I was wondering if you could whip up an Aphrodite!reader who’s fed up with her beauty. She stops attending school and stays the full term at camp which makes Luke confused. So she tells him about how random dudes would hit on her and be creepy at her school or something. She’d prolly join him with Kronos bc she wants to feel respected for once. Would be such an angsty but filled with femme rage although totally cool if you choose not to write this~ Just wanted to share it with someone 💛

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Aphrodite!Reader

Summary: Maybe you didn't want to be beautiful anymore.

Content: pretty angsty, brief mentions of male harassment but nothing explicit or triggering, again sorry for the wait i had w block pls forgive me. also not proofread sorry yall its been a rough week.

You were only faintly aware of the noise around you.

The chatter of the city was a mere buzz in the back of your head as you marched down the street. It amazed you, really, just how unbelievably dickish mortal boys could be. This one in particular; Mike Schwartz, a five foot something jock who sat on the bench at every game. He’d been a bother in your life since you started high school. Back then, you took the endless prospects as a compliment – you truly were your mother’s daughter. It was a boost to your weak teenage confidence. 

But as the years went by, the constant asking for your hand became an irritant. Especially when they couldn’t get the hint – at fourteen, turning down guys felt amazing, but when those same guys kept coming back for more, it made your eye twitch. Couldn’t they take the first no, tuck their tail between their legs and fuck off?

Apparently not. 

After four years of putting up with it, you were done. Storming out of the cafeteria, grabbing all your things, hailing a cab and getting the hell outta dodge. Maybe you should’ve stopped to think — called your dad, taken a few deep breaths. But the harder you thought about it, after trying not to for so many years, you came to the conclusion that you would’ve ended up here anyway. 

Here being the peak of HalfBlood Hill in the middle of September. It was only slightly unusual, because when you usually arrive at the start of summer you get to watch the crowds of arrivals setting up shop at camp. Now, however, it was fairly desolate. Less people, you knew. 

It was also a split second shock when you stepped across the border and felt the drastic change in weather. From the cool breeze of the autumn air to the warm summery spring that camp was in year-round. A shift that made you pause, but you kept on down the hill anyway. 

Chiron was waiting for you on the porch of the Big House, and without so much as a word, gestured for you to follow him inside. He was fairly understanding of your situation, but made you Iris Message your dad and tell him of your decision. He, too, was more glad you were safe than angry you ran off. 

“We can talk about this when you feel like talking.” He’d said. 

So you’d done it. Finally, you’d gotten yourself away from the hey hot stuffs and the you seeing anyone baby?s. You were back at camp, you were where you were most happy. 

But you weren’t happy. 

Being a year-rounder, you’d discovered, was a lot less busy than being a summer camper. You got more days off, longer breaks between activities. You found yourself spending more time in your own company; something you never really got to do before. Most of the time you were with your siblings, or your mortal friends, or you were being hounded by some frat boy and their friends.

It took a minute to get used to the loneliness, but you did. You explored camp, found places you hadn’t seen before. A cute clearing near a stream on the east side of the forest, or a Satyr sanctuary on the far end of the beach. You read more books, you trained a little harder, you perfected six new hairstyles on your little sister Elena and Annabeth from the Athena Cabin. 

And yet, you were still pissed off. 

“Why?” 

Luke Castellan was a name everyone knew in this little corner of Long Island. One of the oldest campers, head counsellor of the rowdiest cabin, token tour guide for the new kids. Oh, and the best swordsman camp had seen in, like, three centuries. He was cute, that much you’d heard all around your cabin. But you’d never really held a solid conversation with him until you became a year-rounder. The fewer people around, the more you run into him. 

You’d been practising a few neat tricks with a dagger when he spotted you. Said he was there to train himself for once and that you wouldn’t even notice he was there. You did, though. Especially when he took his shirt off twenty minutes in. 

You shared a water break, he asked you why you’d transferred to being a year rounder, and you indulge him in the story. He was super nice about it too, which made you angry. Was Luke the only nice guy on the planet? 

“But at least you’re happier now, right?” He’d said. You weren’t, you told him that much. He gave you this knowing look you’d never seen on him before, and asked Why?

You shrugged, “I don’t know. I love it here, I do. But I shouldn’t have to uproot my entire life and bring it here just to get some semblance of peace. I shouldn’t have to give up my education, my friends, my dad, just so I don’t have to get harassed every day. It’s not even like my mom gave me anything to help combat it, either. She just made me beautiful and told me to deal with the consequences! I mean,” You let out a weak chuckle, holding up the dagger you’d been toying with, “This was a birthday present from a friend in Cabin Six. Not even my mother, who is a warrior herself, could bother sending me a weapon. They really don’t give two shits about us, do they?” 

He’d parted his lips, eyes shining with something, and looked at you through his bottom lashes, “No. They don’t.”

You and Luke grew closer after that. A lot closer. By the time summer rolled around and the rest of the campers returned, you were inseparable. Many rumours spread but you two ignored them in favour of sneaking into that clearing you’d found and talking in whispers about your hatred for the gods. Who cared if they could hear you? Let them. 

It was Luke who had come up with the idea to steal the bolt. A quick job, in and out, and maybe then they’d listen to what you’d have to say. But they didn’t — they did exactly what they always did and risked the lives of two young demigods and a satyr just because they couldn’t be bothered doing it themselves. Selfish — that’s what they were. They didn’t care about anyone —

“ — but themselves!” You glared at Thalia, who stood before you atop Mount Tamalpais with her spear in your direction. “I mean, look at your dad. He didn’t care enough to stop the monsters from killing you, oh, but it’s okay because he turned you into a damn tree!”

“This isn’t the way!” Annabeth yelled from afar. Her hair was twisted in a style you’d taught her how to do that first year as a year-rounder. It broke your heart that she couldn’t see how right you and Luke were. 

“Curse them, Thalia.” You said plainly, holding up your dagger. Half mortal metal, half celestial bronze. A gift from Luke. “Curse your father and his children. His brothers. Curse them all like they deserve to be cursed! They deserve to be toppled.”

 You tilted your head, looking at them all. Luke and your army were heading steadily up the mountain. If you could convince them now, there wouldn’t need to be a battle. 

“Where are they now, huh?” You raised both your arms, “You’re fighting for your life against a titan on a mountain and the only god who came to help out was Artemis? And that’s just because she was here already.” You scoffed out a laugh, “You should thank us, really, for taking her. Had we not, you’d be dead already.” 

Annabeth watched. You were unrecognisable in that moment — your face streaked with dirt and blood, curled into a dark sneer that any of your siblings would berate you for because of the wrinkles you’d get. You didn’t seem to care all that much, though. Not when Thalia was lunging for you and attempting to pull you out of the rage you were in. Not when her spear and shield were no match for your measly dagger and you went toppling down the mountain. 

The next time any of them saw you was in Manhattan — after believing you to be dead for a year and a half, it came as a shock when you emerged from the crowd of monsters. Your hair was hacked short, and one of your legs had been replaced with a bronze prosthetic. You fought with a ruthlessness none of them had seen in you before, whether it be because you were on the losing side or because Luke had given his body to the Lord of Time before you had the chance to tell him you loved him. You were still angry, and even if you hated Kronos, you didn’t hate him nearly as much as you hated the gods. 

When Luke died, you were kneeled beside him. Your face was dirty, your hair was knotty, and there was a dent in your bronze leg. He lifted a hand to your face, “I’m sorry to have to say this, but…you’re sorta beautiful.”

“Sorta?”

He grinned, and then he died, and you were filled with such unbridled rage that you pushed yourself down to the ground of Manhattan and tore through Kronos’ army with fire in your eyes, not stopping until Apollo got rid of your sight and forced you to calm down. You didn’t know if you’d ever be calm, since the only person who ever understood you just died in your arms, but you dropped your dagger and stomped your way back up to Olympus like a bratty child anyway. 

Zeus didn’t punish you for what you did, but he did say he’d be keeping a firm eye on you. You joined the hunters, much to your mothers disdain, and didn’t ever allow yourself to look back.

[dreamwritersworld]

The chore. (Sully family x reader)

hey! this is my first story so bear with me this is gonna be a slightly sad one 💕 also this does have scenes from shows i definitely was inspired by and used some of the situation to go based off of the story :)

Being the overlooked sibling was a difficult role to hold. Only time I was ever acknowledged was when I was constantly being yelled at and told what to do even if it wasn’t my fault. I am the twin of lo’ak but with his crazy antics it just makes it even harder to get the approval of my father.

I had to teach myself everything. Observing others actions and having to figure it out. Even with the sly compliments I’ve received, my parents just brushed it off. As you can imagine it only got worse when I got older but when Tuk came it was like a light was brought to me. I was always distant with my siblings no matter how hard I tried to just have a relationship with them they were so tight I couldn’t find any space for me to be included. Dad constantly held me at a higher role saying “y/n you need to be strong! what don’t you get? stop being so reckless and bringing your siblings into things.” Majority of the time I was yelled at for things that weren’t my fault, I just was caught in at the wrong time or blamed for not watching them. It all didn’t seem fair. It was not fair.

I notice how my parents treated me differently from my sisters and to say it didn’t hurt is a complete lie. It hurts all the time, constantly being put on the back burner hurts. Even Lo’ak and Neteyam got off easier than me. I don’t know why my father holds so much resentment to me or why he puts me to the side like I’m a stray but it wasn’t only him I’m silently mad at, it’s my mom too. Why? How could she sit there and witness it , not see it. I can’t even be fully upset I just must sit there and smile and just try better or as dad says “you need to start using your brain and do better, for THIS family!” I just wish I got the dad my sisters got. I wanted the dad who tended to me and my feelings instead of the dad who told me to suck it up saying it wasn’t ok to cry or show emotions.

Now thinking of it, the only time we talk or well when they talk to me is when they order me around or when dad yells at me. It’s become a daily thing that I take care of Tuk every since she was a baby it became my job. Not that I wouldn’t want to take care of my beautiful sunshine , it’s just keeps me tired sometimes but she’s the only one that truly knows me.

Today I actually have to go look over the war and observe from a far with my brothers but that’s in a couple of hours.

I decided to take a break from practicing and teaching Tuk new things for a quick game of hide n seek. This will only improve her quickness and alertness so it’ll help her. Only it’s been a while since I last saw her run in the forest so I whistled out for her, patiently waiting for her whistle back, something I taught her in order to hear that she’s ok! When I did hear a whistle I looked down and quietly went into the bush to catch her. “THE TICKLE MONSTER IS HERE!” Hearing her sweet giggle kept me strong. I need to keep her safe and it was getting harder to be around when she ran off with our other siblings getting into trouble. It was coming near the time to head with the war party so I hopped on my Ikran and flew to where I had to meet my brothers. We WERE spotting until Lo’ak decided to stupidly go down. Neteyam and I quickly went down for him with zero hesitation and tried to get him to get out. “Lo’ak cmon this isn’t funny I’m not kidding. we have to go. you don’t know what your doin-“ I said trying to stop my brother from doing anything more reckless, that was until we got hit.

All I could hear was ringing , trying to gasp for more air feeling blood rush down my body. I slowly opened my eyes seeing my dad take the boys and hearing Lo’ak “Dad! Dad y/n was with us! We have to get y/n!” He’s leaving. He’s leaving me. Knowing I’m down here. “She shouldn’t have been down there either. She’ll find a way home. We have to go.” In that entire moment my heart shatters. I wanted to just give up right then and there, everything that I’ve feared being true, that he didn’t give a single shit about me. I looked down to my side having a slight gash and my arm having a even larger gash. As I was escaping I can feel everything burn and my entire body fighting to even stay awake until I wasn’t. I decided to just take a break before I’d fall off my Ikran from exhaustion. Once I woke up it was already eclipse so I made my way to the healing tent and decided to just stitch myself up in order to avoid the trouble of pulling anyone out or getting more in trouble.

I never did this before. I mean I have observed and learned from a far since no one wants to teach me but stitching is new. Yelping in pain every once and awhile the needle pierced through my skin but once I was done I was only fueled by anger. So much pent up anger I didn’t even know I let go on for that long, just sitting in the silence trying to calm myself down before having to be yelled at once again for something I tried to fix not even that just that but, for not coming home before eclipse even when my own father left me in pain when I needed him. Actually considering the thought of leaving the forest and finally finding a place I can call home. I had already planned an emergency bag…this isn’t the first time I have had these thoughts, but this might actually be my last straw. Only reason why I didn’t leave was because of my baby sister. My thoughts were soon interrupted.

“Y/n you were ordered to SPOT. LOOK AT THE MESS YOU MADE-“ For a moment, for a slight moment. I actually was gonna take all the hits he sent my way but my anger, frustration towards him. towards his voice. towards his stupid orders. towards everything about him. “I’m. Still. Not. Home. I was injured and YOU left me out there to die.” silence was the only thing there as I stared at my parents resisting ever urge to cry tears of anger something I got used to as a kid being told crying was a weakness and it wasn’t ok if I cried, it wasn’t normal. “I-I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t see you, I-I-“ now hearing the ashamed feeling in my dad’s voice, but I didn’t feel bad because I KNOW he saw me bloody lying on the floor. I KNOW he had enough time. I KNOW he didn’t hesitate to leave me. And I KNOW he’s gonna deny it.

“HOW?! I heard it all dad. I heard Lo’ak calling for you to come back for me. I saw you look at me and you were completely fine in leaving me. You’re a liar and a shitty fucking dad….why tf would you leave me?…You are fucking dead to me.” Hearing my mom cut in “y/n no you don’t mean that!” I looked at her smiled and looked back at my dad “I mean every.fucking.word. You’re dead to me “Dad”. You know I have a lot of regrets…in my life but I gotta tell you Dad being your daughter is at the top of my list.” I took a moment to finally see his emotions…he was crying… to this I scoffed and laughed. “oh now you want to cry? yea you’re just draining. You just like going around to suck the spirit out of everyone.”

I try to stop myself , I try to hold back but the more I do the more bottled up feelings come out “no no y/n i see y-“ anger erupts even more “no don’t say that! Stop saying that! You drained me. And it fucking hurts dad. You. Don’t. Love. Me. You left me. When I needed you! And a real father someone who cares would never throw me to the side the way you did…you always had your favorites. You always blamed ME. It didn’t matter if I was there or not I was the one to blame. You don’t even know anything about me. You don’t care about me. You do not love me.” Tears fall. tears that I didn’t even know I had. So I laugh at them. I witness the regret and guilt rush to my parents head realizing how they truly forgot they even had y/n as a daughter instead of just a baby sitter or someone who just followed their orders. This was the moment they realized something inside their daughter was broken and it can never be fixed.

“I gave you all. Every part of me, I have given to you. Hoping that one day you’d open your arms to me and until that moment I held a patient smile. I know now that, the idea I dreamed of will never happen. Even when I would TRY talking to you, all your ever did was push me away. So while I did everything you asked of me and more. You considered me the chore, the job you didn’t want to do. Don’t worry now, I do not want your excuses because up until you left me to die, you WERE my everything.”

I walked out but not without noticing my siblings on the side I could see the realization hit their faces, realizing that they too forgot they had a sister. The sister that took care of Tuk, handled everything she was dealt with, and more importantly the sibling they also pushed away, the sister they didn’t even want to hear stories about when Tuk was talking. Then I see Tuk my sunshine, I smile taking in her baby face one last time.

Then I rush to “home” to get my bag that I packed, I’ve been waiting for this very moment, just waited for the bandaid to rip. I hoped that a moment like this would never occur, something in my heart broke knowing that it didn’t matter anymore it was bound to happen. I called for my Ikran, crying my eyes out realizing this was really it, and that I would have to tear away from all I knew in order to finally grow and be happy. That was until I felt a tug on my leg stopping me from getting on my Ikran. Tuk. “please y/n don’t leave. Don’t leave me. You have taught me everything please y/n don’t leave home. Or just take me with you.” My heart breaks all over again looking at the child that I practically raised even if she always returned to my parents arms at night or held by them in the evening. She’s the only thing that held me here, my baby sister, my sunshine. “Tuk I see you sister but, I can’t take you with me, I can’t let you leave your home.” I can only hear her heart shatter even more. “No sister. you will take me. your all I need right now. It’s always been us please. I won’t do anything without you.” I look back and forth contemplated for a little and then…agreed. I held her close and wrapped a blanket around her, preparing for the ride.

Again this is my first story so please be understanding! :) hope you enjoyed it 💕

[distressedjellyfish]

Things I think about with frequency

Amy March

How we deserved to see Amy and Laurie's wedding, and them falling in love, and just more of them

How Amy March is hated by many because LMA based the characters off her own sisters, and Amy was obviously written with some bias (as were all the sisters), which shines through and makes us feel similarly about Amy that "Jo" felt about her younger sister.

That line where Amy says "I've been second to Jo my whole life" hits A LOT harder when you realize that Louisa's (Jo) middle name is May, and her younger sister, who she based Amy off, is named May, after LMA's middle name.

I think that people see Amy as this vapid little bitch because she always knew she wanted to be a wife, and she knew she wanted to be rich. But what people fail to consider is that a lot of the time the youngest is the one that sees all the flaws in their family’s lives and feels responsible for taking care of them, even if its not expressly stated. Jo was a wild card. She was free to do as she wanted and nothing could stop her and God love Marmee for never trying. Meg was docile and almost polar opposite of Jo, and as the eldest sister she felt the same burden but lessened because yes she had typical Eldest Sister Syndrome where she had the need to take care of the family, but she also was the first, and therefore had no pre-set markers and expectations that she needed to meet or surpass. She wanted to marry and all that, but it didn't super matter about finances to her. Beth was unable to do "better" than her sisters "mistakes" flat out. And its not through any fault of her own, its just the way it was.

Speaking from experience, its always been clear to me that as the youngest of 3, I would have to do better. My half brother got a girl pregnant on his gap year when he was 18, so I was never allowed to take one, even though it would have probably helped in the long run. My half sister has always been mean to my parents, and won't let my dad see his only biological grandkid, which rips my dad apart, so of course I feel the pressure to have a child to give my dad a bio grandkid to dote on like he does with his non-bio grandkids, even though he's never outwardly expressed to anyone ever that he feels any disconnect from my niece because they aren't related, or that he wants me to have kids for any reason other than he wants them.

Anyways, my point is that Amy felt that pressure from a young age, hence always saying this or that about marrying rich. Add onto that when Aunt March tells her she's her family’s only hope of not being in the lower class/lower middle class for the rest of their lives. And just because that's the only time we see it, but that doesn't mean that there weren't other similar conversations had. Do you really think Aunt March never made her snide comments about the family and their status in front of Amy?

Amy's entire character revolves around this point, she's focused on being a proper lady, being delicate and pretty, in hopes of one day being able to bag someone rich, for her family.

Obviously, she falls into infatuation with Laurie when she meets him at the ripe age of 12??? She idolizes Jo, and Laurie is basically just the boy version (with some exceptions). He's also rich, young, handsome, and charming, and adores the family for who they are, including all their flaws. He's exactly what Amy had been saying she would marry, with the added bonus of him loving Jo the way she is, the exact opposite of Amy, proving that there are rich lovely men out there who will love you even if you aren't perfect, even if you falter. He's proof she can have the life she knows she needs to have for her family, and also still enjoy it and not be stressed all the time about being perfect.

Of course Laurie loves Jo first, for very similar reasons that Amy is infatuated with him. At 15, his whole life has been spent at dinner parties with girls the exact opposite of Jo, all proper and lovely and so so similar to one another, being told he'll marry one of them, everyone expecting him to be polished and well spoken and everything that no 15 year old boy wants to be. So then in comes this whirlwind girl who is completely different, a breath of fresh air that never wants to marry and can't ballroom dance for shit and laughs too loud, and shows him that life can be the Something Different he so desperately craves.

And of course, he ends up with Amy. He was Jo's best friend, so for 6 years all he knew of her was the way she was presented through Jo's eyes. A bratty little girl, who was the same as the other vapid girls he knew, that wasn't worth a thought. And he never paid her any mind because he spent 6 years thinking Jo loved him back, so why would he think of other girls? Then, at 21, he is essentially dumped by the love of his life, and travels abroad to find who he is without her. He meets Amy again, the girl who was always happy to see him. Of course he's going to spend time with her, she's familiar enough to feel like home, but different enough from Jo that it doesn't hurt. And there's the added validation of her liking him, which sometimes you need after your heart has been ripped apart. Plus, she's the only one he really knows in Paris. So they spend time together, and in that time he learns that she's not at all the way he's seen her over the last 6 years. Where he always saw someone not very bright, with a dim personality, that didn't stand up for anything or really rock the boat unless seriously provoked, who would do anything for him, he now finds a strong, funny, kind, beautiful girl, who is very intelligent and has a deep understanding of how cruel the world is (maybe ((definitely)) moreso than her sister) and knows how to manipulate said world in such a way that she can come out close to on top, who cares about her family enough to put everything else aside in order to become the person they need her to be in order to support them, who would still do anything for him but will absolutely call him on his shit and put him in his place when necessary. And how could he not love that?

She's not all that much like Jo, sure, but she is so much more. And she deserves so much more than people calling her his second choice.

Also I think that its criminal that most people don't see that obviously Jo loved her family but she loved herself more. Her sense of duty was to herself, and finding the place that would make her happy. She was also kind of a brat? Things didn't go her way? Editor is a dick? Boy critisizes her writing? Tantrum.

Whereas Amy loved her family more than herself. She was willing to put aside her dreams in order to support her family, and growing up was very rarely bitter about it. She decided, on her own, that her family was her number one priority, and that regardless of the fact that she could be happier doing other things, she wanted to do what she could to provide for her family. She knew how the world treated women, and she learned how to take that, and general criticism, on the chin.

Personally, I think that Amy is a way better character, and I'll die on this hill

Amy March

[writing0305]

Butcher x F reader with the angst #2 prompt.

Failures.

Pairing: Billy Butcher x F!Reader.

Summary: Butcher is angry with you after you left the boys for a brief while and upon your return to the group, he makes things difficult for you. One mission causes an argument and you both say things to hurt one another.

Warning: Butcher is kinda mean. Swearing.

Prompt: Angst - 2. "You couldn't live with your own failure, and where did that bring you? Yeah, right back to me."

----

I hope the vibe of this one is what you were hoping for! Thank you for the request.

You had been part of the boys for a long time. Not long enough that Butcher could have come up with another name for the group, but still long. You had joined after the death of your sister. She had been killed by a supe and you went down a spiraling warpath to avenge her.

But years later, you couldn’t deal with the way Butcher did things anymore. His warpath was far more dangerous than yours. The risks became unbearable and you left the group. You decided to do things your own way. The safer way. You worked with a branch in the FBSA.

One night you went on a solo mission that took longer than expected and at the time you were moved back into your parents' house. They grew worried when you never returned home, knowing you were on one of your more dangerous missions. They went out looking for you that night and got hit by a drunk driver.

After the funeral of your parents, you went looking for Butcher and rejoined the boys. You knew it didn’t matter how you did this, someone always ended up dead. At least this way, your family members were safer not knowing what you were up to.

Ever since your return, things between you and Butcher had been rocky. Before you left, you two were close and you often found comfort in each other’s beds. You confided in each other about a lot and often leaned on each other for support.

It was gut-wrenching for Butcher to have all that ripped away from him. And till this day, the man still held a fucking grudge against you for it. He was angry at you, and everyone could tell by the way he treated you now in comparison to before you left.

He gave you a hard time about everything, micro-managed and criticised your work, gave you one of the harder tasks and he was a cunt to you nearly half of the time. But you took all of it with grace.

Until one day, when he decided that you had to go into a supe party that was dangerously fucking close to Herogasm. It didn’t have a big name or hundreds of people wanting to join. But it was still a lot of supes fucking willing and unwilling people. It was Herogasm on a smaller scale.

Butcher insisted it would be simple. You just had to go in, get some information on a certain supe you guys were targeting, and then get right back out. He looked past how fucking dangerous it was to send you in there with a bunch of horny super humans.

Frenchy didn’t look past the danger. His eyebrows were tightly knitted together as he shook his head. “I do not like this plan.” He said as he scratched his chin, staring at Butcher with bewildered eyes. He was curious to know if Butcher would truly do something like this to you.

Your jaw clenched as you glared at Butcher, your arms tightly crossed over your chest. “Yeah, me fucking neither.” You agreed with a shake of your head as your eyes squinted at Butcher.

Butcher inhaled sharply as he glanced between you and Frenchy. “Yeah well, when you two starts callin’ the shots around here, ya can start fuckin’ callin’ the shorts around here.”  He snapped as he pointed between you and Frenchy.

“Yeah and who made you boss?” You snapped back at Butcher as you raised your eyebrows, your head tilting to the side.

Butcher’s lips tugged into a lopsided smirk as he leaned in a little closer towards you. “I did luv.” He replied in a low voice as he pointed a hand towards his chest.

You let out a scoff of dry amusement as you shook your head.“This is fucking stupid.” You muttered, still glaring at Butcher.  “I’m not going undercover into a fucking supe orgy party.” you refused with another shake of your head.

“You’re the only one not on every fuckin’ news channel, being called a murderer,” Butcher argued with you. After you had left, all of the boys got burned for killing a supe, and now while they were hiding out in a dusty old basement of an abandoned arcade, nearly every law enforcement in America was searching for them. “So you’re doing this.” He insisted.

“No, I’m not.” You denied with a firm shake of your head, giving Butcher a challenging look as you stepped a little closer to him. “You’re not fucking in charge here, Butcher.” You spat in a low voice.

“Oh, but I am.” He replied as his lopsided smirk returned to his lips.“I call the shots, luv.” He reminded you as his head tilted to the side. “Me, not you.” He said as he pointed at himself before pointing at you.

“Yeah, and that’s why we’re fucking here right now.” You replied with a slow nod of your head and in your peripheral vision, you could see Frenchy and MM share uncomfortable looks with each other. By now they knew when an argument between me and Butcher was about to break out.  “It’s because of you, no one can fucking show their faces.” You snapped as you jabbed your finger against Butcher’s hard chest.  “This is your fucking failure!”

“Oh you want to talk about my failures, do you?”  He questioned as he shifted on his feet, quirking an eyebrow as he stared down at you. “Let’s talk about yours because there is a fuckin’ lot, luv.” He replied in a low voice.

“Hey Butcher, easy man,” MM spoke up as he took a step forward and held a hand up to signal Butcher to stop before he’s even had the chance to rip into you.

Butcher slowly shook his head, not even sparing MM a look as his gaze remained on you. “No, she wants to talk.” He said before spreading his arms out by his sides. “Then let’s fuckin’ talk.”  He insisted.

“Fuck you, Butcher.” You gritted out in a low voice. “This is why I didn’t want to come back.” You whispered as you slowly shook your head. You saw how Butcher could be and you saw how angry he was when you decided to leave. You knew coming back wouldn’t be easy and for a second you hesitated on the decision.

“Then why did ya?” He asked as he raised his eyebrows, an angry expression on his face.

You inhaled sharply, your gaze diverting as you slowly shook your head. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit you needed him or his help. You couldn’t admit to him that he was right when he told you not to leave. “I should have never come back. Not to this group and especially not to you!” You yelled as your finger jabbed against his chest once again.

“Yeah well ya fuckin’ did.”He snapped at you as his jaw clenched. "You couldn't live with your own failure, and where did that bring you? Yeah, right back to me." He taunted you without thinking about his words first. He regretted them immediately.

Your face dropped at his words and he, Frenchy, and MM realized he just fucked up badly. Tears filled your eyes and Butcher’s heart ached at the sight. “Fuck you.” You whispered before turning around and storming upstairs to the abandoned arcade, sitting down on one of the benches.

MM turned to face Butcher with a frown tugging at his lips. “Hey man, that wasn’t cool.” He muttered with a shake of his head, “We need her, you need her, so go fix that shit right now.” He demanded as he pointed towards the stairs. “And she ain’t going to that fucking party.” He demanded with a shake of his head.

Butcher stared at MM silently for a second before sighing deeply. He turned around and followed you upstairs. He watched you as you silently sat on the bench. “Y/n…” He called out softly as he approached you.

You closed your eyes at the sound of his voice, sniffing away your tears. “Just fuck off, Butcher.” You pleaded softly as you shook your head at him.

Butcher didn’t listen. He approached you and hesitantly sat down next to you. He clasped his hands together and stared down at his feet. “Look, I was bein’ a dick in there, I’m sorry.” He apologized softly.

Your eyes fluttered open and you silently stared ahead of yourself. A single tear slipped down your cheek. “You’re right…” You whispered as you pursed your lips.

“No-” Butcher began speaking up as he shook his head but you cut him off before he could say anything else.

“Yes, you are.” You argued with him as you shook your head as well. “I thought I could do all this differently. I thought I didn’t need you or any of the guys.” You whispered as you sniffed, wiping at your teary eyes.  “And that just got my parents killed.” You muttered.

“It wasn’t ya fault.” He insisted as he reached out and placed a gentle hand on your thigh. His touch didn’t make you uncomfortable, it only reminded you of all the old times when he could barely keep his hands off you.

“Yes, it was.” You argued again. “They went looking for me because I was on a fucking suicide mission. If I just…stayed away, they wouldn’t have worried about me, gotten into the car…they wouldn’t have been hit that night.” You began ranting as your nose scrunched up and the tears began running down your cheeks as you sighed softly.

Butcher stared at you silently for a second before moving his hand off your thigh and then wrapped his arm around your shoulders. He pulls you into his side, rubbing your arm like he always used to when he was comforting you about something. “Ya couldn’t have known.” He whispered as he rested his head against yours.

“After my sister, you told me how important it was to keep the people you love, as far away from this shit as possible.” You muttered softly as you rested your head against his shoulder. “I didn’t listen and I failed.”  You admitted your fault.

Butcher unwrapped his arm from your shoulders and cupped your face between his hands. “Y/n, look at me.” He demanded as he tilted your head back until your gaze met his. “It wasn’t ya fault.” He insisted with a firm shake of his head.

You stared into his hazel eyes through blurred vision. “I need you, Butcher.” You admitted softly. “Because if I do this on my own…more people are going to die.” You insisted as you sniffed again and slowly shook your head. “I know that…it’s why I came back.”

He stared at you silently for a second before nodding his head in understanding. His arms wrapped around you and he pulled you into a warm hug, resting his chin on top of your head.

“And together, we’re goin’ to make every last one of those cunts pay.” He assured as one of his hands rubbed your back.

You nodded in agreement and stayed in his warm embrace for a while longer before you pulled away. “I just need a dress for to-” You began speaking as you went to stand up.

Butcher cut you off by grabbing onto your hand and pulled you back down to sit next to him.

“Nah, you ain’t goin' to that fucking party.” He refused with a shake of his head, knowing how wrong it would be to send you there. Knowing he’d never forgive himself if anything happened to you in a place like that. “Not with those filthy bastards.”

You turned to look at him, pursing your lips. “It’s the only way we can get the information we need.” You muttered softly as you slowly shrugged your shoulders.

Butcher shook his head again as he reached out to rest his hand on your thighs. “Just like you sometimes need to do things to protect the people ya love…you sometimes gotta not do things, to protect the people ya love.” He explained softly as he gave your thigh a squeeze.

You silently stared at him for a while, your lips parting, eyes squinting and eyebrows furrowing. And then a smile tugged at your lips. “Is that you being…sweet?” You asked softly, a hint of teasing in your voice.

“Don’t ya fuckin start.” He huffed softly as he bumped your shoulder with his own. You chuckled softly as you glanced at him. He stared at you, offering you a brief smile before it disappeared as he sighed, lowering his gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry what I said in there.” He apologized softly. “You ain’t fail anything or anyone.” He insisted with a shake of his head.

You reached out, placing a hand over his. “I’m sorry too.” You whispered as you wrapped your hand around his, holding onto it.

Butcher’s gaze diverted to your hands, being reminded of all the old times. At that moment, he fucking hated himself for how angry he had been with you. But he also realized why he was so angry. He didn’t want you to come back. He wanted you to abandon this life altogether. “You were right about one thing.” He muttered softly.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you turned your head to look at him. “What?” You asked softly, your voice filled with confusion.

“Ya shouldn’t have come back.” He voiced his thoughts as he slowly shook his head. “You’re too good for this shit.” He insisted as he met your gaze.

You shook your head. ”I need to do this too.” You insisted as you sighed deeply.

Butcher nodded in understanding before briefly shaking his head. His hand moved up from your thigh and cupped your cheek once again. His thumb brushed over your skin. “I ain’t want you to get hurt.” He admitted softly.

Your heart fluttered at his words and you slightly leaned into his touch. The softest smile tugged at your lips. “You’re really getting into the sweet thing, huh?” You asked softly as you quirked an eyebrow at him.

Butcher rolled his eyes, visibly biting back a smile that wanted to tug at his lips. “Fuck off.” He huffed before wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pulling you against his chest once again. You rested your head on his shoulder, your hands reaching out to hold onto his coat.

Things between you and Butcher would not heal quickly, but this was the start of something. And neither of you would ever allow it to go this bad again.