#me rambling once again about absolutely nothing but I hope this makes sense

[hiyyihrts]

The way he says “You are… Pen.” so casually, as if she’s of another category all together. Most people see this as something negative, but I like to think that he respects her so highly and uses the term friend just as a descriptive, but he holds her in an even higher regard than just a friend. She’s his Pen, not a stranger, but not just a friend, either. She’s something more and different at the same time.

[venerawrites]

Can I request an Imagine where a fem character is captured by the enemy and she’s under a genjutsu where she’s being tortured by Shikamaru (who she loves) but is pulled out of it just in time by Shika who actually gets there in time with a team? Comfort fluff, reassuring, and he admits he loves her?

author's note: I have been writing this literally for ages, but now that all my assignments are officially done, I finally had a chance to catch up! Thank you so much for your patience and this beautiful idea! I absolutely loved writing this one! I hope you like it! <3

warnings: mentions of torture; swearing

There is something comforting in darkness. Once it welcomes you in its embrace, all your fears, worries, and thoughts just... disappear. Your body and your mind relax and for once, it is all quiet.

And silence is beautiful.

Two strong hands wrapped around your neck, pulling you harshly out of the water and bringing all your senses back to reality. The sudden rush of air filling your lungs made you choke and you struggled to take another breath. The comforting silence, in which you were blissfully floating just a second ago, was interrupted by the rapid beating of your heart and the muffled sound of someone's voice next to you.

"-absolutely pathetic", your brain registered only the last words of what the person said. You coughed once again and another hefty amount of dirty water made its way out of your body, letting you breathe more freely. Your chest felt heavy and all your muscles screamed in pain, making this moment of awareness feel more like a punishment than a relief.

With a few slow blinks, the darkness started to lift and your surroundings started to become clearer. At first, all you could see was the sky - so grey and sad, a sure sign it was about to rain soon. Then your focus shifted to the trees and the strange way their leaves stood still, despite the wind around you. Finally, your eyes shifted to the silhouette sitting next to you. Blinking a few more times, their face started to become more focused and you let out a breath of relief, once you realised it was your best friend who saved you from what seemed like sure death.

"Shika...", you said weakly, not having the energy to even pronounce his full name. Instinctively reaching your hand toward him, you tried to get a hold of his hand, his warmth being the only thing your body craved right now. The said man let out a scoff, moving out of the way just when you were about to reach him. When you hand hit nothing but air, you slowly opened your eyes, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Shika?", you repeated, lifting your head just a bit, so you could see the man better. Sitting on a small stone next to you, he stared at you with a bored expression, a half-burn cigarette hanging from his lips. There was something in weird in his eyes, something which you have seen only a handful of times in all the years you have known him.

Was it anger? Annoyance? Hate?

You couldn't exactly tell, your brain still struggling to make sense of where you are and how did you got there. The last thing you remember was fighting a group of rogue ninjas near Amegakure, before something was wrapped around both your arms and legs, forcing you to the ground. You must have passed out because now you were on the river bank near Konoha, a place where you and Shikamaru played from dawn to dusk when you were children.

"He probably brought me here to clean my wounds", was the first thought that came to your your head, while you tried to lift yourself on your elbows.

"Shika, what-"

The words got stuck in your throat, once your friend's hands found their way around it once again. His nails dug into the skin and you winced in pain, your own fingers wrapping around his wrists in an attempt to pull him away. His power, however, was no match for you and all you could do was stare at him with wide eyes, a silent plead for him to let go.

"Just shut the hell up, troublesome woman! You always ramble on and on, and on...", the fingers on your neck tightened their grip and you opened your mouth, desperately trying to inhale some air and combat the dizziness that started to consume you due to the lack of oxygen. However, Shikamaru did not seem impressed by your struggle or the way you kept tapping his arm. Instead of freeing you, he leaned forward, pressing his full body weight on you.

"I've never hated any sound more than my name coming out of your lips! I fucking hate it! I fucking hate YOU!"

Hissing the last words through gritted teeth, he finally let go of your throat, only to smack his palm against your cheek. Your head whipped to the side, a few droplets of blood flying from your mouth. The burning feeling on your cheek, however, felt almost insignificant compared to the overwhelming feelings of shock and confusion that paralyzed your body. The echo of his words kept sounding in your mind, each repetition making your heart beat faster and faster in panic.

"What...", you chocked out, eyes searching his, "What's going on?"

A dry, almost sinister chuckle left his lips and the sound sent shivers down your spine. He lowered his head right above yours before grabbing your cheeks in one hand, squishing your face. A small whine sounded from you and the man narrowed his eyes, observing you with a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"Look at yourself... calling yourself a ninja, yet you can't handle even a single mission by yourself!", he muttered with disdain, his gaze not leaving yours. You tried to pull your head away, but his grip was so tight, you were unable to move even a muscle.

Tears of frustration started to form in your eyes, a few sliding down your cheeks. Normally, in moments like these, Shikamaru would be the one holding you, muttering sweet words of comfort in your ears. His hands would stroke your hair, while he rocks your body back and forth till you calm down and fall asleep on top of him.

Now he offered nothing but a look of disgust.

"Wh-What are you doing?", your voice betrayed you, sounding smaller than you intended to, "Shikamaru, why are you holding me like this?"

The first rule of the shinobi was to never give up. It was a life full of pain and sacrifice, but the end goal was the protection of the people - and for that, you had to fight, even if you had no energy left in you.

But as you laid beneath Shikamaru, staring at his dark eyes, full of contempt, you couldn't do anything but let the tears fall freely from your eyes. A good ninja would probably seize the moment and use it as a distraction to draw their weapon and stab their attacker, but how could you do that, when the person on top of you was the person you loved and cherished the most in this world? The person that has been your best friend for more than 10 years? The person who was your rock during the hardest periods of your life? The love of your life?

Before you could realise what was happening, his hands lifted you by the neck, pushing your head below the water again. This time, however, there was no comfort in it - it was cold and unwelcoming, sending waves of shock through your entire body. It stung your eyes and it filled your nose and mouth, making you panic. Your mind screamed at you to fight back, to somehow wrench yourself out of his grasp. Throwing both your arms and legs around, you tried to throw him off you, but his fingers only dug deeper into your skin, his knees landing on top of your thighs to keep you still.

Just as your vision started to fade, he brought you back to the surface and you gasped for air, choking in the water still stuck in your lungs.

"I fucking hate you... Do you understand that? I hate the way you whine all the fucking time, clinging to me like a leech! You always cry, never taking any responsibility for anything!", his tone was low, but filled with hatred, "I hate you so fucking much, I've been fantasizing about how to shut your mouth once and for all for so long!"

Barely giving you a chance to even register his words, he pressed your head down once again. Unlike last time, you were under only for a few seconds, before he pulled you out.

"You are nothing but a burden! To me, to your family, to everyone in that damned village!"

"NO! STOP!"

Each word felt like a dagger piercing through your chest, crushing whatever hope remained that all this was just a bad dream and that you would wake up any moment in Shikamaru's bed, his hands rubbing soothing circles on your back.

What the hell happened during your mission? When did he even appear? Did he save you? Why was he so angry with you?

Your head was filled with questions and soon there was nothing but a messy tangle of thoughts. A small voice at the back of your mind kept repeating his words.

"Nothing but a burden..."

The words hit deeper than you liked to admit. Back when you were younger you were the weakest kid in class, much to the dismay of your parents, both of which were great and strong shinobi. The other children rarely wanted to play with you - most of the time they viewed you as someone who couldn't keep up with their speed and energy. Naruto and Shikamaru were the only ones who reached out to you back then, the only ones who stood by you when no one else would.

While the blonde was a dear friend to you, nothing could compare to the bond you shared with the young Nara. He has always been a constant in your life, a safe haven to which you could run once the reality was too much to bear. Countless nights he held you in his embrace when you couldn't sleep because your family was fighting once again. He always left his window slightly open, an unspoken invitation for you to come anytime you wanted. Thinking back, sneaking into your best friend's bed at night was maybe not the wisest decision, as it was during one of these times you realised you were utterly and madly in love with him.

You remembered that night clearly. The two of you were laying side by side on his bed, the only light coming from the bright moon up in the sky. It was the night after Asuma's funeral and despite his initial warning for you not to come, you still made your way to his house at 2:00 o'clock at night. He didn't utter even a word when he saw you entering through his window, instead, he only lifted his blanket, making a space for you to join him. You laid down and he immediately pulled you under him, burying his head in the space between your neck and shoulder, his hot tears falling on your bare skin.

As he clung to you, your fingers gently rubbed his scalp, offering your silent support. What wouldn't you give to take his pain away, to bring back his beloved sensei, and to make him forget the horrors he witnessed that day.

"I don't know what I would do without you...", he whispered against your hair, his breath tickling your scalp.

"You don't have to think about that", you whispered back, your fingers still combing through his black locks, "I am here. I always will be."

Shikamaru didn't answer. Instead, he lifted his head and looked at you with his bloodshot eyes, before pressing his lips against yours. It was a quick and gentle peck, a promise of a friend, rather than a lover's confession. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours, muttering a quiet 'I am sorry.', before rolling on his side and falling asleep.

Neither of you said anything about it afterward. The next morning you woke up and continued your usual routine, as if nothing had happened. There were moments when you wondered if it was all a dream - maybe you were so in love with him that your brain started to play tricks with you. Yet, there was a weird comfort in not knowing if it was all just an illusion. Sometimes you liked to think that it was, indeed, real.

Slowly losing consciousness due to the lack of air, everything started to fade, except the memory of that night. It kept replaying over and over in your mind, feeling so real, you could almost feel his chapped lips against yours.

How ironic and unfair was that? Your last moments are spent thinking about the man who is currently the source of your suffering.

Suddenly the grip on your neck disappeared and you felt something sliding under your head and knees, lifting you back to the surface. Too tired to fight or even open your eyes, you let yourself be carried out of the river. A frantic voice was shouting something right in your face, but you could not recognize it, nor could understand what it was saying. Your limbs, chest, and eyelids felt so heavy, all you wanted was just to relax and let your body rest.

The second you were laid down on a flat surface, someone's mouth was pressed against yours, blowing air into your lungs. The sudden rush of oxygen made your body jolt and you would've probably hurt yourself, if the person who was bringing you back to life did not have their hands on your chest, rhythmically pumping.

Finally, you took your first breath on your own and you coughed violently, turning your body to the side so you could spit the excess water from your mouth. The hands that saved you made their way to your back, gently patting it to help you stop choking.

"Shit, are you okay?", the sound of the familiar voice made your body freeze.

"No! It cannot end like this!", you thought to yourself, the feeling of panic already bubbling inside of you. What game was Shikamaru playing? He almost ended your life, just to bring you back... What type of cruel torture was that?

"Hey... can you hear me? Please, answer me. Please, I can't-"

Before he could finish, you turned toward him and punched him as hard as you could. The man stumbled back from his kneeling position, cupping his nose in an attempt to stop the flowing blood. You used the opportunity to drag your weak body away from him, ignoring the sharp pain that pulsated through each one of your muscles.

"Stay away!", you yelled, glancing back at him, "Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to kill me?"

The young Nara looked at you with a confused expression, taking a step toward you, but immediately stopping once he saw the fear on your face.

"Kill you? What are you-", the sudden realisation of what was going on downed on him and he lifted both his hands from his face in a defensive motion, "Wait! No! It's not what you think!"

Ignoring his words, you continued to drag yourself away, gritting your teeth at the feeling of your skin scraping against the ground. Looking in his direction again, you found he was already on his feet but he had not moved from his original position.

"Please... I'm not going to hurt you!", he begged, his voice filled with desperation, "Just stop for a second! Listen to me!"

Letting out a sigh, you dropped to the ground, too exhausted to continue your escape attempt. Deep down you knew there was no point - you were surrounded by nothing but a field and while you managed to create a significant distance between you, he was on his feet, while you were crawling on your elbows. It was clear that no matter what you did, you won't be able to run away from him. The only option you had was to just wait and hope he was going to finish this quickly.

"Why?", the question came out as a broken whisper and you were not even sure he heard it, "Why are you doing this?"

Shikamaru's gaze softened and he made a small step toward you, testing your reaction. When he saw you made no movement, he made another step before stopping again. Only the gods knew he wanted nothing more than to run toward you and hold you in his arms, making sure you were okay. The spark of fear in your eyes, however, made him control his urges and he used all his willpower to remain calm and rational.

Seeing you like this... it was like his world was falling apart. He was not a violent person, far from it, but somewhere back in his mind, he kept imagining bringing the rogue ninja that put you through this back to life, just so he could kill him again. And then again. And then again. As many times as it took for him to feel like he did you justice.

The image of your face twisted in a silent scream, your whole body covered in blood, was one that he was never going to forget. And oh, how he wished he could! Ino and Choji have never seen their teammate lose control like this, not even when their sensei died. The piercing shriek that left his lips the moment he saw you, the way he ran toward your body, the bloodthirst in his gaze, while he slashed the enemy's throat open... it was almost like something dark and demonic had possessed him.

"You were under a genjutsu... everything that you felt and saw... it was not real. It was NOT me", with each word he closed the distance more and more, till he found himself right in front of you. Crouching next to your form, he extended his hand to touch yours, brows furrowing when he saw you flinch back.

"Please! Whatever you saw, whatever that bastard made you believe... it was NOT ME!", his voice remained low, yet it was getting more distressed, "I would never, ever hurt you! Never!"

He reached out again, this time slower so he could give you a chance to comprehend his words and move back if you wanted to. Shifting your look between his eyes and his hand, you took a deep breath, before letting him touch you. The warmth of his fingers brightly contrasted with your cold skin, sending shivers down your spine.

"It's me...", his hand slowly moved up toward your face, cradling your cheek in his palm and gently stroking it with his thumb. Your muscles remained frozen, still unsure if this was a trick or not, "I'm here. I'm here..."

He kept repeating the same words over and over, while cautiously moving his body closer, so he could wrap his arms around you. Your eyes danced around your surroundings, finally appreciating that you were in fact NOT next to the river in Konoha. Instead, you were at the exact same spot where you lost consciousness during your fight. The pieces of the mystery of what happened finally started to come together in your mind and the reality hit you like a wave, washing over the lingering doubts in your mind.

You opened your mouth to say something, but all that came out was a loud sob. And then another... Soon, the tears started freely flowing down your cheeks while your body shook with the intensity of the shock of what actually happened. Shikamaru kept you pressed tightly against his chest, his own tears falling on top of your hair, while he rocked both of you back and forth.

"I am so sorry!", he muttered, pressing his nose into your head, "I am so, so sorry! It's all my fault!"

"Shika-"

"If I didn't waste so much time planning and strategizing, I would've been here on time! I would've been able to save you, I would've been able to kill that bastard before he had the chance to hurt you!", he rambled on, more to himself than to you.

"Shikamaru!"

The sound of his name, together with the feeling of your fingers on his face finally caught his attention and he gazed down at you, his dark eyes still glossy and red.

"You saved me...", you said tracing his jaw, "You actually came for me."

He let out a quiet scoff, squeezing you tighter. His lips found their way to your forehead, placing a small kiss on it and lingering for a few seconds after that.

"Of course, I came for you, you troublesome woman", he sighed, closing his eyes. Holding the person you were in love with for years and who you thought you'd lost forever had to be the most surreal feeling.

At least for him.

There were a few seconds of silence between you, during which you just held each other. No words were spoken, but none were needed - the way you clung to one another, ignoring everyone and everything else, spoke of all of the feelings and affections you kept hidden in your hearts. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear Ino's voice talking, but your mind could not focus on anything but Shikamaru's heartbeat next to your ear.

"I've thought I lost you...", the sudden admission was quiet, almost as if he didn't really want you to hear it. He gulped, moving his head back so he can look into your eyes.

"That night when I said I don't know what I would do without you... I meant it. I still do! I would choose death any day if it means I wouldn't have to face the risk of losing you."

His words made your eyes widen and you stared back at him, trying to read his emotions. The Nara was not a man who liked to talk about his feelings, so any insight into his mind and heart was always surprising. A slight blush covered his cheeks, a sign that despite his moment of courage, he was still feeling nervous about your response.

"I love you."

"I love you."

Both of you blurted it out at the same time, your expressions slowly changing from scared to shocked. You blinked a few times, your brain taking some extra seconds to process his words. Finally, a small smile broke on your lips. Shikamaru, on the other hand, tried to remain serious, but the corners of his mouth kept tugging upwards.

"I want to kiss you."

"Is that your way of asking me for permission or you are just telling me?", you raised a brow and he let out a small laugh at your words.

"I am telling you."

With that one of his palms found your chin, gently cupping it and lifting your head toward him. You could feel his minty breath mixing with your own as he leaned in, not moving his eyes from yours.

The kiss was light, at first you barely felt his mouth against yours. It was delicate and somewhat unsure, just like the kiss you shared that fateful night. The more your lips moved together, the more confident you both became and he grabbed the back of your neck, holding you into place while his tongue met yours. It was all so new, yet it felt so familiar - almost like you've done that a thousand times before.

Finally pulling back, he rested his forehead against yours, trying to catch his breath.

"You have no idea how many years I have been dreaming" about this", he landed one more peck, before scooping you in his arms and lifting you, "Let's go home."

cc artwork: Xiaodi Jin

[belovedspector]

Love at First Sight's for Suckers (At Least, It Used to Be)

Pairing: Jake Lockley x f!reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: Jake can’t help but notice you when you become a regular at his favorite diner.

Content: Fluff!

A/N: Title is from “I Never Planned on You” from Newsies. I’ve never written for Jake before, and I haven’t read the comics, so I don’t have much to go off of, but I figured I’d give it a shot. I hope I did okay! Enjoy! :)

Masterlist

Jake Lockley knows his place. He’s the protector of the system, keeping Marc and Steven out of harm’s way and doing Khonshu’s dirty work. He doesn’t have time for “earthly pleasures,” as Khonshu had once put it. He doesn’t really have a life outside of protecting his alters and the travelers of the night, and he’s fine with that. He’s content to lurk in the shadows if it means Marc and Steven getting to live their best lives. He treasures what interaction he does get, when he’s driving his cab through the city or getting food late at night after a mission. He tries not to dwell on it, though; there’s no sense in mourning what he can’t have.

Jake notices everything. It’s his job, to always be on high-alert, even when he’s not the one fronting. So, when you start showing up at his favorite diner every Friday night like clockwork, he notices. He observes from afar. From that first time you walked in, the bell tinkling to announce your presence, he’d been…interested in you. He’s not sure why—it’s not like you pose a threat. You should fade into the background, just like everyone else.

But, you don’t.

Jake can’t help but take note of everything you do—the way you always say your “please”s and “thank you”s to the waitress, your soft laugh, your sweet smile, the ungodly amount of sugar you put in your coffee. He’s good at watching people; it’s part of his job, after all, so he’s able to absorb you and your habits without drawing suspicion from you or anyone else. Some might call it creepy, but Jake means no harm, and he can’t help his…infatuation with you. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him.

One night, he finds himself rambling as he drives around the city. He likes to talk out loud to himself in the safety of his cab; it gives him a chance to make sense of his thoughts, and it’s not like he has anyone else to share them with.

He starts off by talking himself through the details of his upcoming mission, but he soon finds his mind wandering to bright eyes and the scent of coffee. You.

“She’s really something, huh?” Jake says to himself. “I—I don’t know what it is about her. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“I think you humans call it a ‘crush.’” Khonshu suddenly appears hunched over in the back seat of Jake’s cab, and, if he was a less skilled driver, Jake absolutely would have crashed. As it is, he jumps almost imperceptibly in his seat, swerving the tiniest bit before regaining control of the vehicle.

“What?” Jake asks, not even sparing Khonshu a glance in the rear-view mirror. He’s used to the god’s antics by now.

“It appears you have a crush, Jake Lockley.”

“I don’t get crushes,” Jake protests. “Don’t have time for that shit.” He grips the steering wheel more tightly, the leather of his gloves straining against his knuckles.

“You’re right; you don’t have time,” Khonshu agrees, “so I suggest you nip this little problem in the bud, before it interferes with our work.”

“What, you want me to kill her?” he deadpans.

“No, nothing that extreme. I was going to suggest finding a new diner.”

“But I like that diner.”

“Then you’d best find a way to ignore the girl.”

With that, Khonshu disappears, and Jake mutters some choice words about the bird in the quiet of his car.

It’s Friday night again. Jake sits alone at his usual booth—in the corner, with his back to the wall, so he can continually scan the entire diner for any threats. He alternates between sipping at his coffee and taking bites of his blueberry pie while scanning the newspaper.

The door opens, the bell ringing along with it, and Jake instinctively looks up.

It’s you.

Jake casts his eyes back down to the sports page. Khonshu had given him orders, and he intends to follow them.

His plan is going great. He’s not thinking about you, not even a little bit. But, shit, now he’s thinking about how he’s not thinking about you. Does that count as thinking about you?

Jake returns his coffee cup to the table with a little more force than necessary. He can feel a headache coming on.

Get it together, Lockley.

He looks up again to do another sweep of the interior, when he notices you’re not sitting in your usual spot. No, you’re…walking towards him. Surely, you’re just going to use the bathroom past his seat, right?

No such luck. You stop at his booth, standing awkwardly with your hands clasped in front of you.

Slowly, Jake moves his eyes from his newspaper and allows them to find yours. He’s never seen you up close before, and, God, you’re even more breathtaking when he can see the sparkle of your eyes and the way your lips curve upward into a soft smile.

“Um, hi,” you start, rocking a little on your feet. “Sorry to bother you. I was just wondering if you had a pen?”

Jake’s not very well-versed in pickup lines, but he’s pretty sure that can’t be one, right? He stares at you for a few beats, dumbfounded that you’re really speaking to him, before he pulls himself together.

He clears his throat and answers, “Uh, yes.” He reaches for the pen he always keeps in his jacket pocket and hands it to you.

He can’t help but notice the way your soft, warm fingers brush against his as the pen exchanges hands.

“Thank you!” you say, and you sound so sincere. “I just wanted to do today’s crossword. I’ll have this back before you know it.”

“Sure,” Jake forces out as you turn on your heel, back to what he’s begun thinking of as “your” booth.

He goes back to his own paper, definitely not thinking about you and your sweet smile and soft hands. It’s by complete coincidence that the next page he turns to has the daily crossword puzzle. He’s never been much for puzzles; that’s more Steven’s thing. Still, he takes a look.

Across 1. An infatuation with another person

It’s five letters. It can’t be anything other than “crush.” Jake groans. He scans the rest of the clues and notices they all seem to revolve around love. It dawns on him that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. So, maybe the universe isn’t totally fucking with him, after all.

Jake has just about finished his pie when you come bounding over. You don’t wait for him to look up before you’re speaking.

“Thank you again!” you say, placing his pen back on the table near his coffee cup.

You’re already turning to go back to your booth, but Jake can’t just let you go. Screw Khonshu’s orders, he thinks.

“Wait,” he calls to you. He half-expects you to ignore him, to keep walking away, but you do turn around and take a step closer to him. Shit, now he needs to think of something to say to you. “That was, uh, fast,” he says lamely.

You beam at him, and it’s just about the prettiest thing Jake has ever seen. “Oh, yeah, I used to do them with my dad all the time, so I’ve gotten pretty good at them.” Your eyes drop to his newspaper that sits forgotten on the table, still open to the puzzle page. “Oh, do you do crosswords, too?” you ask, and you look like you’re genuinely interested in his answer.

“Oh, uh, not really.” Jake’s hand comes up to rub the back of his neck nervously. Since when does he get nervous?

“Ah,” you say, nodding wisely, “you must be more of a Sudoku guy.”

“Uh, yeah.”

Great conversation skills, Lockley, he chastises himself.

“Well, thanks again for the pen. I hope I didn’t keep you from your Sudoku for too long…” You trail off, and Jake realizes, belatedly, that you’re waiting for him to offer his name.

“Jake,” he provides, putting on his most charming smile.

You smile right back, telling him your own name.

“Pretty name,” he remarks.

“Thanks, I got it for my birthday.”

Jake just stares at you for a moment before the joke lands, and then he’s laughing—like, genuinely laughing. He can’t remember the last time this has happened.

He notices you seem a little flustered. Maybe he laughed too hard? Maybe it wasn’t even a joke, and he just totally misread the situation? Maybe—

“Wow, I don’t think anyone’s ever actually laughed at that one,” you say with a slight chuckle of your own.

“I liked it,” Jake says honestly, as if you couldn’t already tell. Before he can second guess himself, he’s asking, “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

“Oh!” A look of surprise crosses your face. “Um, yeah, I’d like that. May I?” you ask, gesturing to the bench seat across from him.

“Please,” he says with a wave of his hand.

You slide into the booth as Jake gets the attention of the waitress and orders two coffees.

“Anything else?” the waitress asks, looking between the two of you expectantly, pen ready against her notepad.

“The pie’s really good,” Jake tells you. “My treat.”

You seem hesitant. “Oh, no, I couldn’t—”

“Come on,” he encourages with a smile.

“It is really good,” the waitress chimes in. 

“Well, okay,” you relent. “One slice of”—you look down at the table to scan the menu briefly—“chocolate cream pie, please.”

“Coming right up,” the waitress says with a smile and a click of her pen.

The time passes quickly, and the conversation between you and Jake flows as freely as the coffee. All that’s left of your pie is an empty plate with a few stray crumbs. You’re laughing at some comment Jake made when you glance down at your watch.

“Shit,” you say, your brows furrowing together in worry.

“Everything okay?” Jake asks.

“Yeah, I just didn’t realize how late it had gotten,” you say. An apologetic look crosses your face.

Jake checks his own watch. 2:53 am. He really should be getting back home, so Steven and Marc can wake up in the morning without suspecting anything.

“Can I drive you home?” he offers.

“Oh, that’s okay.” You shake your head. “I’m just a couple blocks over.”

“It’s late. I’d feel better if I knew you got home safely.”

“You’re sure it’s no trouble?” you ask hesitantly.

“Not at all,” he says with a smile. He’s smiled a lot tonight.

“Well, lead the way,” you say as you both exit the booth.

Jake throws a wad of cash on the table—more than enough to cover the coffee and pie—and walks you to his cab parked out front.

“You’re a cab driver?” you ask, sounding intrigued.

“I am,” Jake says as he opens the passenger’s door for you.

You pick up right where you left off at the diner, intermittently giving Jake directions to your apartment. He doesn’t want the night to end, but, soon enough, he’s parking in front of your building.

You start to unbuckle your seat belt but pause and turn to him. “Hey, can I borrow your pen again?”

“Oh, uh, sure,” Jake says, digging it out of his pocket and handing it over once more.

You take it with a smile and reach into your pants pocket. You pull out a crumpled napkin and quickly write something before handing both the napkin and pen to Jake.

Jake looks down to find your name and phone number written on the napkin.

You smile, looking a little shy. “In case you want to see me before next Friday,” you explain.

Jake doesn’t even think about the implication that you’ve noticed him at the diner every week, just like he’s noticed you. No, he’s too excited about the fact that you want to see him again, maybe even to go on a proper date. He hopes you can’t tell that he’s blushing in the dim glow of the cab’s ceiling light.

“Good night, Jake,” you say, finally unbuckling your seat belt and opening the door.

Normally, he’d do the gentlemanly thing and open the door for you, but he’d been too caught up in this surreal moment. Next time, he thinks, because there definitely will be a next time.

“Good night,” he echoes, still in a bit of a daze. He watches as you walk up the stairs to your apartment, making sure you’re safely inside before he pulls away from the curb.

Jake will deal with Khonshu’s wrath over disobeying orders. It will be more than worth it, if it means getting to see you again.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to let me know what you think! :)

[saphira-approves]

Okay no I’m not done talking about swords, and their names, because sword names are IMPORTANT okay and they MEAN THINGS—

I rambled in the tags of this post about Eragon and Murtagh naming/renaming their swords to be positive, compared to their fathers’ respective negative sword names, but I want to go further into it.

First is the obvious one, Morzan’s Zar’roc, Misery, and Murtagh’s Ithring, Freedom. I’m almost certain Morzan names his sword as an offensive measure—and I don’t mean offensive as in insulting, I mean it in the combat sense. It’s a curse, almost, upon his enemies: any opponent he faces with this blade will be struck by misery, literally. But one thing we know about Morzan: he’s not particularly wise, and even his best works backfire on him. We see it with Selena, and his confidence that she loves him too much to betray him, so he never warded against her. He named his sword Misery, and Misery is all it brought him: he joined Galbatorix, brought the downfall of the Order, and lost his dragon to nameless madness; he killed Brom’s dragon, making an enemy of the man who once had idolized him and sealing his own demise by Brom’s hand; he threw Misery at his own child and pushed his wife to betray him, which ultimately led to the downfall of everything he had ever worked for. Talk about a curse. He upheld Misery, and Misery came right back to bite him in the ass.

And then Brom took Misery from him, and sequestered it away, and eventually gave it to Eragon without telling him its meaning; and Eragon wielded it without knowing its meaning or history, trying his best to do good with it, and even when he did learn its history and its name he resolved to work to give it a better legacy. After all, a good sword is a good sword. But Murtagh, Morzan’s son and heir, was not done with Misery, bore too painful a scar from Misery to let it go—he took Misery from Eragon and claimed it as his own, claiming his birthright, yes… but taking Misery away from Eragon, in the very same moment that he also protected Eragon from capture and forced servitude, the fate that had befallen Murtagh himself. Complicated as feelings all around may have been, intentional as the act itself may or may not have been, Murtagh here is very much intentionally shouldering that burden. He fully believed that Eragon was another son of Morzan, he could have easily justified rejecting that part of his history and his father’s legacy and offloading it on his younger brother, and yet he didn’t. He took it for himself and declared it his own.

And then he called it Freedom.

After enduring torture and enslavement and a hundred other humiliations, he took Misery in hand and said, no. I do not uphold you. I do not fight for you. I fight for Freedom, for my own and my loved ones’, and for the Freedom of all. He looked at the horror of his past and refused to let it define him. He looked at his father’s mistakes and refused to be bound to them. He took a name of offense, of attack and hostility, and changed it to a name of preservation, of defense, of peace.

And then there’s Eragon, with Brisingr, Fire, and Brom’s mysterious Undbitr, Void-biter. At first glance it may seem that they have absolutely nothing to do with each other, but I would not be here if I wasn’t going to loudly and fervently declare otherwise.

My guess for Brom’s reasoning of naming his sword Undbitr would be somewhere between edgelord teenager antics (look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t have wanted a sword name Void Biter at twelve years old) and his admiration for Morzan, who named his sword the simple yet devastatingly clever Misery. Void-biter, bite of death, the bite that would send his opponents to the void. To darkness, to nothingness, to anti-life and anti-hope. A sword lost after his dragon’s death, never seen again, and yet Brom himself succumbs to the bite of his own personal void: he dedicates himself to vengeance, throws everything he has of himself into orchestrating Morzan’s downfall, and the downfall of Galbatorix and the rest of the Forsworn for good measure. It’s implied, from Brom’s own admission of fearing his son would hate him and Oromis’s discussion of his near-suicidal madness after Saphira’s death, that revenge is all Brom lived for until he met Selena—and even after he met her and fell in love with her, I suspect his need for vengeance is what ultimately decided the events leading both to Morzan’s death and Selena’s doomed reunion with Murtagh. Brom may have lost Void-biter, but the void consumed him anyway.

And then there’s Eragon. Yes I’ve said that already but if anything can sum up these books, it’s And then there’s Eragon. The first spell he learns is fire. A dangerous force, certainly, one that can easily break control and wreak untold havoc and destruction, but what force of nature doesn’t fall into that category? He could easily have learned, and thus be represented by, wind or ice or lightning, or even just pain or break. But he didn’t, and he’s not. He wields fire. A force of nature, a destructive weapon… but also the foundation of a home, fire in the hearth; the fuel of invention, to shape metal and glass; and most importantly, a light in the dark, the hope of dawn in the long cold night. Eragon names his sword Brisingr, and it’s not merely a weapon: it is a beacon. His father was consumed by darkness, but Eragon is the one who guided him back to the light, who gave him something to live for after he had defeated his enemy and lost his love; Eragon was the figurehead of the rebellion, the spark that drove a passive resistance into the blaze of true revolution; and now Eragon builds the new hearth of the Dragon Riders, to tend and defend it for future generations.

What a change from misery and the void.

Fire, and freedom. Hope, and peace. Family, and love.

I think Selena would be very proud of her sons.

[silentwillowwhisperer]

Jackets

Keith knows his jacket is bound to get ruined at some point during this chaotic war.

But hurts seeing the red material that has provided him comfort for so many years in tatters. All he can think of is blurry images of his dad wearing it, telling a younger version of Keith that someday he'll be as cool as his dad and wear cropped jackets.

It's all Keith really has left of his dad, so he can't help it when a tear slips down his cheek.

It's almost funny, really. All his hard work trying to seem emotionless to the other paladins only to flee the room in tears because of a stupid jacket.

He's hiding in the observatory, nestled against the wall in a dark corner. He spends a lot of time in here, so there's a few pillows and blankets already piled around him.

He's shaken from his thoughts by a soft knock on the door.

Well, there isn't really a door to the observatory, but there's a knock on the metal archway that serves as the entrance.

He stays absolutely silent (apart from the occasional sniffle) and hopes that it's just Shiro, and that he'll leave Keith alone.

"Um, hey, Keith? Bud? Are you... in here? You kinda ran out of there and... are you alright? Should I leave? Oh, dang it, this is stupid, I should leave. But can you at least confirm your existence so that I can tell Shiro that you're not missing?"

Keith inwardly groans. There's only one paladin who rambles like that, and he knows that Lance isn't likely to just leave once he hears the teary crack in Keith's voice.

So he quiet until Lance walks over to his pity nest (yes, that's what Keith is officially calling it, It's literally a nest that he built, he blames that on his Galra instincts) and sits down next to him.

"So... I knew that you have horrible fashion sense, but it's clearly worse than I thought if you're this upset about the jacket. If you want, we can go to the space mall and get you a jacket that will actually.. you know, keep you warm?"

Keith can feel the next wave of tears coming on. Desperately fighting them back, he whispers, "No. You can't r-replace it. It was my dad's. He's not here anymore."

He winces when he hears the wet crackle in his voice, it's clear that he's been sobbing.

Lance looks over at him with something in his eyes that Keith doesn't recognise.

"Oh. He's dead then?"

The way Lance says it is so matter-of-fact that Keith wants to scream.

"Yes! He's gone, and I'm alone! Are you happy now? Just go away. You clearly don't care about me, and you're right, the jacket is dumb. Do me a favor and throw it out while you go."

The guilt that flashes on Lance's face is almost enough for Keith to apologize, but he doesn't. Lance already knows what he's like, and if you mess with fire, you get burned.

Wordlessly, Lance starts to shrug of his own olivey green-brown jacket. Once it's off, he holds it out to Keith with a sheepish frown and diverted eyes.

"That was insensitive. I shouldn't have acted like that about your dad or the jacket. You can have mine, though. It used to be my older sister's, but once we get back to Earth I can just ask her for another."

Lance sounds so sure, so certain that they will make it back. Keith wishes he had even a fraction of that blind confidence. But then again, even if they do make it back, he has nothing waiting for him on his home planet. Nothing but a whole lot of pain.

Keith stares into Lance's steady blue eyes. Why the sudden show of empathy? All they ever do is argue, Keith knows that he's hardly Lance's favorite paladin. They're barely even friends.

"That's not true. We are friends. Or at least... we could be. "

Dammit. Keith must have said that aloud.

He reaches out hesitantly and takes the jacket. When he slides it on, the sleeves flop over his hands, and it swallows him whole. He glares at Lance when he hears a small snicker.

However, despite the size, it's comfortable and warm, and it kind of maybe smells nice. (And it's possible that he likes the bigness.)

He glances over at Lance to see the other boy blushing.

"Thank you. I... words are weird, but... I- thanks."

Keith flushes red across his cheeks and at the tips of his ears and looks down at the ground quickly.

"It's warmer than my old one."

Lance smiles warmly, and to Keith's surprise, shifts closer to wrap an arm around him. Keith doesn't know how, but they've maneuvered to that he's very slightly on Lance's lap, and annoyingly enough, it's quite comfortable.

He leans his head back onto Lance's chest and feels the other paladin chuckle softly, making his chest rumble a bit.

They don't talk after that, they don't have to. They just sit together and stare up at the stars visible through the observatory's glass roof, feeling tiny and so, so huge at the same time.

Keith is attached to that jacket now and wears it absolutely everywhere, but that doesn't mean anything! It's a nice jacket! (That still smells like Lance...)

[skiiyoomin]

Seventeen vernon - sex under the stars? I mean it's Romantic sooo and wait him wearing a gold chain which has your name on it and you wearing one with his name on it🫣

ღUnderneath the stars

ʚSinopsis: Stargazing is one of your favorite activities. Unfourtantely, living in the city can't provide that, so Vernon makes it his personal mission to take you to the countryside. Everything is super sweet and soft, however, when you show how much you appreciate him through touches and kisses, the situation naturally escalates to something more.

ʚContent: SMUT CONTENT, public sex, fem reader, fluff, vernon can fuck the daylights out of me under the stars too

⤑Back to navigation

a/n MISS GIRLIEEEE YK DAMN WELL IMMA DO IT

You sighed wishfully as you leaned on the kitchen counter, gazing out the window, a melancholic look on your face as you looked up at the dark sky hoping to find the smallest of twinkles from the stars.

A couple of hours prior you had been scrolling through a folder of photos your mom had sent containing all of your childhood. While you laughed at some out of of self embarrassment at your child self, others hit a wave of nostalgia that made you reminisce all the good times you had. Many of your summer photos were taken out in the countryside, after all, it was a family tradition. Stargazing was an absolute must do whenever you went out of the city, leaving you awestruck by the immensity of the galaxies and it's million stars every single time.

Eventually, as you and your siblings got older, each one moving to many different places, holding such traditions was becoming increasingly difficult.

So, while looking at those pictures, you realized it had been years since you were able to experience seeing the array of millions of stars sprayed out in the sky.

You felt arms, your boyfriends arms, snake around your waist, his head plopping onto your shoulder as he pressed a gentle kiss on your said shoulder.

"Something's on your mind"

It wasn't a question. Knowing you couldn't lie to even if you tried, you nodded, affirming his statement.

"Wanna talk about it?"

You turned around to him, once again sighing. "It's just- You know those pictures my mom sent me?" He nodded in response, listening intently "Well, while looking at some of them I realized it's been a really long time since I went out to the countryside to stargaze, I mean I know it's sounds kinda stupid but it was a tradition and-"

He pressed his lips to yours, cutting off your rambling. When he pulled away, he pressed his forhead to yours, looking you deep in the eyes "Baby, listen, nothing you say or feel is stupid ok? I'll take you stargazing"

Your eyes immediately light up, a smile spreading on your face "Really?" He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, smiling at your enthusiasm "Of course, let's go"

"Wait, right now?"

"Of course!" He exclaims as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

You can't help the giddiness coursing through your veins as you watch Vernon grab all the essentials for your small trip, feeling that same nostalgia like before.

Not long after, you were in the passenger seat of Vernons car, driving out of the city, soft music playing in the background as you looked out the window, once in again in hopes of seeing countless stars appear.

Soon enough, Vernon drove through a route leading to a secluded camping area with huge trees blocking any view from the main road.

Like an excited kid, you hopped off the car, quickly helping Vernon place the many soft blankets on the ground, urging him to turn the car lights off.

While it took you a second to adjust to the sudden dimness of light, there was no mistaking the sparkle of the millions of stars placed in the sky. You couldn't help the soft gasp that escaped your throat as you looked up, the shining stars reflecting in your eyes. "Wow" you softly breathed out, feeling a sense of breathlessness. "Aren't they beautiful?"

"They are" But he wasn't looking at the stars, instead his gaze was fixated on you, they way your mouth hung slightly open as you craned your neck upwards, the way the moonlight and the stars shined down on you like a goddess, he could never get enough of you.

Feeling his gaze on you, you turn your head to look at him. You couldn't help the light blush covering your cheeks as you felt a sudden shyness under his stare. He took your chin between his fingers, gently guiding your head to face him, inevitably making your eyes drift to his. His eyes shifted to your parted lips. In answer, you leaned forward, taking his face between your hands.

You pecked his lips over and over again, repeating thank yous and i love yous between said kisses. When you leaned in once again, it was Vernons turn to take your face between his hands, keeping you from parting again. Your lips molded together in perfect sychrony, as the kiss got increasingly passionate, you snaked your arms around his shoulders, tangling your hands in his brown locks, eliciting a groan from him.

Gently, you pushed him down, crawling on top of him. Soon enough, your kiss got heated as your tongues intertwined. However, air was becoming increasingly needed, forcing you apart and leaving you panting for oxygen. Before you could catch yourself, Vernon switched places, with you underneath, capturing your lips once more. His lips drifted down your jaw, placing kisses down your neck that left butterflies in your stomach. It wasn't long before his lips were on your sweet spot, suckling on it as he left purple marks on your skin.

Your hands once again tangled in his hair, pushing him impossibly close as your lips let out explicit gasps and moans. His hands found place underneath your shirt, slowly gliding up until they found your chest, his thumbs rubbing slow circles on your nipples, feeling them harden underneath your bra. Your shirt and bra quickly came off, allowing Vernon to continue drifting his kisses down to your chest, but not before placing a quick kiss to the necklace he gifted you hanging around your neck with his name on it. He took your left boob in his mouth while taking the other in his hand, causing gasps from you as you arched your back in pleasure. He took his time givign attention to both of your boobs, taking his sweet time to feel your reactions underneath him. However, you both knew you needed more than that.

He was quick to unbutton your pants, lowering them along with your panties. You desperately spread your legs, giving full show of your wet pussy, glistening in lust. Vernon felt his hard dick twich in his pants, showing how desperate he was himself for release.

Lowering them, he carefully postitioned himself in your entrance, slowly entering your needy hole. He placed his hands on your hips as you both simultaneously moaned in pleasure. Slowly, Vernon began to thrust, giving you time to adjust to his thick size, though he began to loose control as the feeling of your tight hole drove him to thrust faster and harder.

He set a fast pace, inducing moan after moan from you, each one louder than the last.

"F-fuck, Vernon, harder please!"

His grip on your hips tightened as he lifted them up while you placed your legs on his shoulder, allowing him to plunge deeper into your spongy walls until he hit that spot that had you throwing your head back, screaming his name. "Ooh my god, right there"

He continued slamming into your g-spot, the filthy sound of skin slapping on skin and your moans mixed with his low groans filling the area around you. You didn't have to tell him you were close for him to know. The arching of your back and contracting muscles giving away the coming orgasm. He wasn't far from his own climax, feeling his dick twich inside of you. "Baby can you try holding on for me?" You responded with a whine, unable to produce any words.

His thrusts began to slow down, becoming sloppier by the second. His thumb found its way to your clit, circling the nerves until you screamed in pleausre, your mind going blank and your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you felt your orgasm crash down. It wasn't long before he felt himself climax as well, thrusting until he was milked dry.

Slowly he pulled out, standing up to pick up the box of wipes in the car. Carefully, he wiped you both off, helping you put your clothes back on. He laid down next to you, pulling you close to him as you placed your head on his chest, gazing up once again at the long forgotten stars.

"Thank you, Vernon"

He softly smiled at you, placing a sweet kiss to the crown of your head.

"Anything for you sweetheart"

[zipstidbits]

hi zip! 👋 i'm just really curious about how you got into astrophysics 👀 and what careers interest you in that field if you don't mind sharing ☺️ i just think it's so cool, but like, in the way of someone who knows absolutely nothing about astrophysics except that it's probably really hard and also rockets 😛🚀 have a lovely day! 💞

hi zesty!!!!! thanks so much for asking, i don't mind sharing at all :))))

how i got into astrophysics:

both my parents are second-generation americans so education/college was always The Big Goal growing up. this translated to my parents really emphasizing math and science skills and i got really interested in science this way. (the post-cold war american cultural emphasis on science as a whole probably contributed to this as well, lmao.)

i ended up momentarily ditching the science dream because i started struggling with math in middle school. i can do it, but my adhd means i struggle to hold numbers in my head (do mental math) and sometimes i can be slow/need to write things out more than others/make silly mistakes/and then get bogged down by imposter syndrome. this was like 10+ years ago so i had zero diagnoses and minimal support so i hopped onto the anti-math train.

i never stopped liking science though. i want to know everything and imo, science contains the answers to everything and is how we'll learn all that is unknown right now. once i hit high school and science class started having a shit ton more math i started to view math differently. it became the whole 'the enemy (math) of my enemy (the unknown) is my friend' thing. thankfully, math, when applied to physics concepts, makes more sense than when in a pure math class, so this became a very doable arrangement.

i also started consuming a lot more pop-science/science in the news around this time. neil degrasse tyson, the one astrophysics class i took in high school, and my dad who played a lot of star trek and pbs space videos on youtube to bond with me opened my mind to the most beautiful thing ever (space). i just think it's the coolest thing ever and the unknowns are so cool and i want to know what's going on up there so bad!!!!

this (and some spite*) led me to apply to college for a BS in physics. doing just physics and not astrophysics was sort of a safety net because i thought i'd really like particle physics too but it turns out quantum mechanics is evil and fucked up so i chose to stick with astrophysics as my concentration, lmao.

*i felt like a lot of my peers in high school assumed i couldn't do this because i wasn't naturally good at math/physics and i took a little more time and effort (i spent a lot of early mornings and afternoons in help sessions, lmao) and a part of me wanted to prove them wrong.

then, this past fall/winter, i applied for a bunch of astrophysics phd programs because i've thankfully got a BS degree and i've made my mind up on what i want to do in life (study/learn about space). i got rejected from 7 out of the 8 schools i applied to which was terrible in the moment but great now because i didn't really have to choose what program to accept, lmaoooooooooooo.

careers that interest me:

i very much enjoy teaching (i was a teaching assistant this year) and i would really like to continue it. i could probably do that in most research jobs by mentoring others in a lab/research setting but also being a professor sounds really cool and appealing to me since i could do research and traditional teaching, lmao.

i'm kind of willing to give most astrophysics research jobs a try, i think? the only line i'd really draw is i don't want to work anywhere near the american military-industrial complex for moral reasons

thank you again for asking zesty!!!! sorry for rambling so much and i hope you have a lovely day as well!!! <33333

[pillarsalt]

Hello Ms Pillarsalt, I feel awful at the thought of using you as a pseudo-therapist but I just don't know where else to turn (no one knows I'm gender critical) and you are extremely thoughtful and kind every time you answer asks.

I've become very good internet friends with who I suspected was a trans-identified woman and I just got confirmation of it today. She's sadly long since begun the "" medicalization"" process, but she uniquely has absolutely never mentioned her gender identity at all to me. She doesn't even do pronouns in bio, pronoun introductions, making trans headcanons in her fanart/works, nothing. She even completely ignored my noticing that the indie zine she writes (completely non-trans-related) oneshots for has a website that makes it very very clear they're by and for genderists (which caught me off guard when she sent me the link to it!) like it wasn't even A Thing Central To The Org she's part of.

She has so many common interests with me (which are very much fandoms that are mainly populated by gnc and/or trans-identified women), she's very kind, and we both really enjoy talking to each other for hours and hours. (I really do enjoy our talks, outside of the few times she says something misogynistic of the trans-ideology variety, like tying femaleness to femininity and sexualization "but because I'm *celebrating* it I'm progressive, serve cunt queen 💯 but the deep sense of despair I feel when that gets applied to me it must mean I'm not female, there's absolutely nothing inherently wrong with gender roles of course but the feminine one is just not for me", you know the deal.)

So I'm not at all conflicted about being friends with her from an interpersonal standpoint, I've never ever felt like I couldn't befriend trans-identified people because of my beliefs. (Exactly the opposite in fact! I hope that just being Me while being """cis""", and not at all mentioning my gc views ever, can be a positive influence to them!) But this is the first trans-identified friend I've gotten this close to and I was surprised to feel this deep sense of depression and despair about it. Like I feel this way knowing about how widespread misogyny is in general, but when it's affecting someone you know and care about it makes it more real. And less escapable.

It's hard to turn my brain off and not think about how her syntax and fandoms and idolization of male artists and characters to the point of roleplaying and cosplaying are so... female. Her analysis and interest of characters' relationships, her career, her hobbies in general, it's just female all the way down. And yet because it's not *feminine* (it's stereotypical gnc and/or autistic introverted female stuff) she must not be a woman. (I know the thought, I've had it myself.) Her voice is so deep I second-guessed myself about her being a woman at first, and now that I know she is for sure I fear so deeply for her health knowing what she must have done to get it that way. I guess it's possible she used a filter, it was a voice call, but I don't know.

It's just a special kind of despair to see her talk about the things that make her happy and now as she does, she's using that enjoyment as reinforcement that she can't be a woman. It's what all TIFs do (I know, I was one), I think it's partially why they get so invested in their fandoms (aside from likely being autistic, guilty again): indulging in their interests when, according to misogyny, they're "abnormal" for a woman to like, is like they're crafting a big Bat Signal saying "Look everyone, I can't be female, I like [X]!!!" as they do it.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling so much. I just intimately know and empathize with what my friend believes about herself and women as a whole. I want to help her, but because I was (almost) her once I *know* I can't. I can say "I'm being a good influence by being a gnc non-trans-identified woman ^w^" all I want but honestly I don't know if it works. I've never worn makeup or expressed hatred of my body, and yet my sister-in-law still wears a full face every day and got plastic surgery. I think someone has to want to change to be able to. Unfortunately.

I'm rambling again, sorry.

Like I said, on a person-to-person level, my friend and I are so fine. It's just depressing to be reminded of the pervasiveness of misogyny if I want to voice chat with her or see her. Or hear about her passions, knowing they're not just things she enjoys, but also "proof" of her non-female-ness to her. Even if I thought I could say something to change her mind, it'd be completely out of line to say it because she, again, never brings up her gender identity. I just don't know what to do. I love being friends with her, but I hate the misogynistic voyeur inside her that joins all our conversations.

Hi anon, no worries about venting here, I'm always happy to give some input but also don't forget I'm just some guy.

You seem to be a compassionate and intelligent person, and you obviously care a lot about your friend. I've been (and am currently) in similar situations like the one you've described, and I know how distressing it can be to try to balance both your concern for your friend, your moral conflict with their viewpoints, and trying not to offend them lest they push you away or accuse you of phobe crimes. There's no real great solution to your problem, I think you probably already know that.

People with deeply held beliefs are not going to be open to changing their minds if they aren't ready to do so yet. It does really suck not to be able to say what you're thinking, but in my opinion, the best thing to do is stay the course - keep doing what you're doing. Keep talking to her like you always have, show her she can trust you. There may be a reason why she never brings up trans-related topics with you; maybe she's already questioning the rhetoric behind the ideology? I know from my own experience and what I've heard from others, when you start questioning gender ideology, the first instinct is BAD THOUGHTS SHUT IT DOWN and to lean into it even harder. That's by design. But you can show her that you are a safe person to talk to about the Bad Thoughts. I know you said that you don't know if "being a good influence" works, and I'm sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. I really believe that modelling feminist behaviour does work to influence your female peers, but it might take her escaping bad influences first for her to realize the misogyny behind her thought processes. It might take years too, that's normal. I think pushing back on her sexist flawed logic without getting too overtly "terfy" could help too. Or you could throw in a "It's nice to see that so many woman are interested in [subject she thinks isn't for women] nowadays!" Anything that encourages self-reflection.

You said "I don't want it to have to be my responsibility, women's responsibility, to combat misogyny alone. But the unfortunate reality is that we're the only ones who care so we're the only ones who can make a difference," and it seems to me like you're taking it on yourself to fix this woman's misogyny problem on your own. Sometimes this just isn't possible. Ultimately, even though she's your friend, you aren't responsible for her actions. She's hurting herself, but only she can choose to stop, so you cannot blame yourself for not digging her out on your own. You're just one woman! Let go of your sense of obligation; you're doing what you can. And if her internalized misogyny gets to be too much for you, take a break and take care of yourself, it doesn't make you a bad feminist. Patience and understanding towards other women and towards yourself are the feminist practices to employ in this situation.

Be well and take care 💜

[samioli]

Ive noticed this trend on social media that people have become...very individualistic and very me me me focused. I'm about to ramble a bit and I hope it makes sense.

Basically, I agree that curating your own online experience is the way to go. It absolutely is. Block whoever would be harmful to your online experience, totally. However, I've noticed this pattern, especially in fandom spaces, that people are on a very one-strike-and-you're-out mentality and contract they don't even know about. And like, I don't know about you, but that's exhausting to me.

And, I'm not just talking about people you've talked to once or even a few times. I'm talking about people you have been friends with at some point in time. I see so many people dropped by their so-called friends the moment that person makes a mistake or acts out, hell, it's even happened to me.

Of course, I'm not going to tell anyone what they can or can't do. That's for you to decide. But it genuinely makes me sad when even if the person apologizes for their actions, they are dropped as if they're nothing.

Where's the room to grow? To learn and do better? What's the point of friendship if you're not even going to let that person adapt--let the friendship adapt and grow even stronger?

Obviously, there are some really horrid people out there who never try, who never get better. But that isn't what I'm talking about here.

Again, obviously how you navigate your personal relationships is up to you. But damn, this is depressing to me.

If you keep cutting out everyone in your life who has ever upset you, there's going to be nobody left.

[good-beanswrites]

*Knocks on door* heard we could ask for director's commentary on our punishments...would like to know what you were thinking for the Es Quest Bad End in more detail....

Haha, sure 😂 It's all under the cut, my rambly thoughts in pink!

You open your eyes. 

I'm a sucker for the repetitive loop starts, I had to open with something recognizable :) Writing in second person present tense was a really new and fun project for me, haha. Also, not that this took a long time to draw, but it gave me a new appreciation for you adding a drawing to pretty much every update omg >:0

The temple looks the same as it always has. The thought usually comes as a relief – after a particularly difficult hero, the return to routine is a blessing. Seeing everything back in its place always fills you with a sense of peace. God once explained that all of existence is a circle. Something about eternity and cycles and perfection. You didn’t quite understand, but you enthusiastically told Him that you did. You didn’t want to appear as a clueless child. And anyway, you grew to love the loops. 

My attempt of channeling autistic coded Amane... both seeking the familiar/routine no matter the cost, and trying to act more knowledgeable to avoid the shame of not understanding :( Both in canon and in esquest I'm so emotional about how Amane finds comfort in things that normally are healthy -- religion, community, family, rules -- but they aren't healthy in her case. I tried to paint the loops/eternity as something good here, planning on flipping it around by the end.

(Also, I went with the catholic practice of capitalizing He/Him for God -- I know Amane isn't catholic but I liked the effect)

But not now. 

This time, your head whips around, looking for something that should be here. Well, it shouldn’t be here, but you expected it to be.

You pace the chamber’s echoing floor, but there’s no sign of it. Did you really expect it to be here? Did you really get your hopes high? You should not have been so naive. The hat isn’t here. How could you have been so stupid?

Ah, the painful divide of being hopeful, but trying to convince yourself you were never hopeful in the first place, or that it was wrong to be, so that the disappointment stings less :(

“What are you looking for?”

You nearly startle at the voice. God stands behind you. He does not sound pleased. 

“N-nothing!”

The word come out in a panic. Then, as you’re struck with the realization that you just lied to God, your eyes drop to the ground. “I mean… it’s nothing of importance.”

She's just a kid!!! Kids lie on instinct when they panic!!! (I mean, adults lie on instinct when they're panicked too...) I wasn't sure how rebellious you view her in the story, but I felt like she loved/feared God enough to immediately try and correct her mistake without necessarily admitting to it. A smooth cover up so that she doesn't feel guilty but also doesn't get in trouble. I feel like she'd be toeing this line a lot...

He steps closer, and you shy away from His suspicion. 

Despite the glare He shoots up at you, God’s voice is even. “Are you sure?”

Once again, I'm sure how omnipotent he is in your version, but I pictured him knowing absolutely everything. He knows how high she had her hopes. He knows what she's hiding from him now. But he's playing it cool and making her come out and say it.

“Y-yes. I thought… last time there was…” You take a moment to collect your thoughts. God pauses as you do so. He is always patient with you. He loves you, after all. You inhale. “The last hero tried to change things, but they did not. I knew they couldn’t,” you lie, “so I was just seeing the proof.”

“Yes, they failed. There is nothing to look for here.”

“Of course.”

I debated on having Amane actually witness Es defeated, had proof of some kind. I decided that leaving it up to God's word made it hurt more -- readers (myself included) would still have hope that maybe is Es really is coming back, and God is just saying that to keep her complacent. The unknown makes it even more painful to watch Amane give up that hope and turn her back on the possibility.

God leaves you, then. The temple drops into silence. He is right. There is nothing to look for. You aren’t quite sure what emotion you’re left with. Your chest feels as empty as the chamber around you.

The next hero, however, finds out exactly what you were feeling. They take one step into your cell, and you tear them apart. 

I was trying to keep these are drabbles but honestly there could have been a whole fic focused on this in-between time: how long did it take before the next hero came? What did Amane do when God told her she'd have to do it all again? I wanted to make her Big Choice having to do with accepting punishments, but I could have easily made this the Big Final Choice. What was it like, walking down to her cell and locking herself up, after everything? Is the new hero painful because they remind her of Es, they are nothing like Es, or she doesn't even give them a chance to find out?

It all happens in a moment. It shouldn’t be them walking through the door. You scream, accusing the flailing hero of things they never could have done. You cry, accusing yourself of things you never should have done. You let your claws tear however they please. 

Looking at the mess before you, you feel like the monster everyone feared you were. 

You don’t really care. 

Brief moment of showing just how much pain she's in but still can't process her emotions so she lashes out in violence, but also.... one (1) moment of catharsis as a treat. Go Girl Fuck Em Up! Also giving the audience a brief taste of hope that she's accepting herself and realizing how powerful she is (hinting towards her using that power to stand up for herself) only to drop it immediately after ;-; sorry ;-;

That is, until God appears once more. He looks on the scene with disgust. It’s the type of face the villagers would flash your way before turning away to whisper something. It’s the look you saw from your parents, a silent warning about what was about to follow. You knew this situation was no different. 

You were monstrous, and you would be punished as one. 

“This type of behavior is not why I chose you.” God says. “I chose you to be special.”

This was the closest I could get to the sting of "I'm not mad, just disappointed." I think if God was openly angry or cruel Amane would challenge him much easier, but she's so busy caring if she made people proud, if she didn't disappoint them, if she was good enough for them, that those things hurt the most to hear.

“I understand.” 

“Come with me.” 

This was right. This was just.

Once again a little catholicism while knowing Amane is her own religion -- there's a prayer at the beginning of mass where you chant "It is right and just [to give thanks to God]" It sounds pretty normal on its own, plus I might get to jumpscare people with it lol

Your feet remain stuck. Es...

No. You do need to do this.

For most of my planning process, I was set on using a little photoshop so that the final, desperate ask would come from you, actually! But I was really committed to the emotional pacing of the ending, and nothing takes someone out of the rhythm like "I would not fucking say that" 😅 The same thing stopped me from asking some of the typical commenters to send stuff in (plus I didn't want to implicate them in my crime 😅)

It was really fun considering ways that a fourth-wall voice may influence my story, but I knew the most emotional route was just some simple pleading right at the end. I wasn't sure it it would still hit as hard with the second person pov -- would it really feel like Amane was turning her back on You if you were already immersed as Amane? But I tried anyway asdfsdf

These voices, they were wrong last time. Only one person had proved undoubtedly correct this whole time, and you should have listened to Him from the beginning. 

There is a reason everything is circular. The loops make sense. Routine means perfection. Change never brings anything except pain. This time, you will be good. You will be good enough. 

By this time, I wanted the cycles to suddenly feel suffocating to the reader, and reminding them of the many, many more loops Amane will be trapped in after this ends. And I'm still breaking my own heart with how she values "being good" over being treated decently...

You follow God.

Your chin is held high. You need no saving form heroes, or voices, or anyone. You’re right where you’re supposed to be. You’re special. You may not be perfect, but that is why you must endure these lessons. God must love you so much, since he is willing to teach them again and again. How patient he must be.

She is special, and is strong, and not just a weak child who relies on others to save her, but!!! In this case she does need saving!! She needs people looking out for her and protecting her!! That's not a shameful thing to admit! Even putting God's manipulative love aside, I feel like her insistence in canon to never be treated like a child just shows that she can't accept needing any help whatsoever -- to do so is the exact same as admitting she's weak/a failure/etc.

He turns his face away, in time to miss one last tear that slips down your cheek. You hear the smile in his voice. 

“There’s a good girl.”

Just. Reminding everyone. And hurting myself. About how Amane will literally sacrifice herself physical and mental safety just to hear that said about her. Ah.

[meimi-haneoka]

È il mio 10 anniversario su Tumblr 🥳

It's apparently my 10th anniversary on Tumblr 😳😳😳

This blog definitely didn't start as a CCS blog, or not even a Clamp blog, I remember I was in my Saint Tail brainrot/withdrawal period, and I wanted to ramble about it all alone on a personal space, always hoping that Tachikawa sensei one day would write the extra chapter that she talked about on her blog...hence why I chose this url. For this and another personal reason, actually. I also loved to RT all the nice screencaps and edits for my favorite anime...

...then 2016 came and the love of my life, CCS, came back and my blog was absolutely swept away by the excitement, turning pretty much into a constant stream of CCS content and chapter commentary for Clear Card each month. When the anime came out in 2018, things only got worse 😂 but then in 2020 I started to realize about the translation differences between the English version and the original Japanese, and I decided that my beloved story deserved better than that, better than being misunderstood like that, especially the new characters that in the meantime I came to love so dearly...

So pretty naturally, I started to vent my frustration compiling all the mistakes/differences every month, in a very "whoever is willing to read it, is welcome to do so" fashion. For my convenience the differences are always included in my commentary. I haven't gone around promoting my posts very much, it's basically always "I run into someone confused about a line in the Eng ver/got some facts wrong, I tell them that the original JP actually says something else and I leave a link to my blog".

The more the story went on, the more I wondered if I was stepping on anyone's toes for doing these posts, but with my immense joy it seems they got Clamp's blessing, so I'll keep doing them till the very end of the story.

In between these commentaries, I throw some other translations I do mainly for myself (Twitter Spaces where Sakura is mentioned, interviews especially about the anime, etc) and that I like to organize more or less neatly in one place, and that people can share if they want. And also my fanarts, even though they never do big numbers here. But heh, I'll keep sharing them here too, cause it's my blog after all.

So yeah, 10 years of this. There were definitely times when I've hated this website and its community since things were becoming pretty toxic, flames started randomly out of nowhere, I just hope once the anime will be back it won't be the same shit again. I stopped looking at the CCS tags because of that and other reasons connected to that, so unless one of the people I follow shares it and puts it on my dash, I almost never reblog CCS art/edits/gifs etc. Cause the pretty artworks aren't worth wrecking my mood because I found the nth person shaming something that I love (and the people who love that thing, with it). Sorry about that, my blog is pretty boring in that sense.

Luckily, Tumblr brought me also good things, so I guess it makes up for that. I've met lots of people from my current CCS "circle", here.

To be honest, I know I have 2626 followers (as of today), but to this day I still wonder why. I highly doubt all of them are here because they're interested in my posts, probably not even half of them, lol (and I do my best to kick the bots). Nonetheless, thank you to all the people who interact with my posts ❤️ and thank you for sending me nice asks every month! 🙏 I don't always reply to them right away and some of them I leave for later when I have a downtime (like this one ask that's pretty broad in topic and I'm keeping it for when I have a little more time and nothing else to talk about).

Since Clear Card will continue for a little more than expected, the monthly appointment here will continue in parallel, and I'm already preparing my next "trivia" post, it's a topic I wanted to talk about since looooooong time. 😉

[dcbbw]

Sunday Six 9.24.23

Happy Sunday evening, Tumblrs! I know I have been MIA for the absolute longest, and wanting to give a huge THANK YOU to those who know the dirty deets about what’s been going on this summer, and being the shoulders, ears, support, and encouragement, I need to carry on and carry through one day at a time.

Despite posting two dribbles over the past day or so, not saying I am on the comeback trail, but I have been putting fingers to keyboard, and sharing story ideas. While they are not part of today’s Sunday Six, I am working on Sins of the Father; a part two to Dead in the Water (the How to Get Away with Murder AU), tentatively titled Tell Me When I’m Telling Lies; and a Riam one-shot that may become a casual series titled Happy Family.

What I offer to you tonight dear readers are two new ideas (well one isn’t that new):

Church Folk (the MegaChurch AU) based on Wonder’s worst ever version of Riam; she looks like a cross between Wendy Williams and Dionne Warwick, and has six fingers (five whole ass fingers and a thumb); Asian Liam is a dead ringer for Joel Osteen. They are co-pastors of the First, Last, & Only Cordonian Church of God in Christ where the mottos are:

We’re Alphabet Friendly!

God LOVES a Sinner, and so do we

Jesus Ain’t No Joke!

Think of every megachurch scandal, and give Riley Tammy Faye Baker’s hair …

A Summer Place—The Graduate which is an age-gap romance between Liam and Diana, who is Drake & Riley’s daughter. Except Liam doesn’t know, and Diana knows nothing about Cordonia except it is where her parents’ once-great love story originated.

There will be two versions to this story; Version B is titled A Summer Place—Mrs. Robinson, where Riley has an age-gap romance with Andreas, Liam’s son who visits NYC for the summer before starting University. Again, they have no idea of the other.

I realize others are writing age-gap/forbidden romances, but I am hopeful that my ideas and execution will make mine different from what's out there. And it’s me; by the time I finish writing the stories, it isn’t as if I’ll be glutting the market with the trope.

Okay, enough rambling; sneak peeks are below the cut, and as usual everything is in a state of rough draft and published product may vary.

Church Folk (song inspo: Church Clap, KB/Lecrae):

Their courtship had lasted two years; at Liam’s insistence, it had been chaste as well. At least for one of them.

The couple attended church together: Monday night Praise and Devotionals, Wednesday evening Bible study, couples therapy on Saturday mornings, 11am Sunday Sermon.

Between work and church activities, Liam and Riley dated; meals, museums, hikes, volunteering at soup kitchens. No matter the time or venue, all tended to end with them getting hot and heavy in the back seat of his car: Moans, groans, fogged windows; deep French kisses, groping of breasts and fondling of balls, arching and thrusting of hips. All the while keeping their clothes on.

The son of a preacher man never allowed himself to finger Riley nor for her to stroke his manhood.

Penetration was completely out of the question.

Riley often thought it was because of her 6th finger, and that despite his protests, Liam really could not deal with it. But he assured his bride-to-be between desperate kisses that it didn’t matter. Saving themselves for marriage did.

Liam Osteen Rhys firmly believed Riley had been sent to him; her polydactyl was a sign from God Himself that this woman was to be his wife. In the biblical sense, her extra finger was a sign of both wealth and that she was a messenger of God. Liam needed the former, FLOCC needed the latter. In the scientific sense, persons with polydactyl were proven to be stronger and more dexterous than those without.

Yes, Riley B. Williams was his good thing, and he wasn’t letting lust interfere. So, after every date while Riley sat alone in her bedroom with her battery-operated boyfriend and Pornhub pulled up on her phone, Liam visited Maybelle Nussbaum, his high school sweetheart.

If all had gone according to Liam’s plan, he would be wedded to Maybelle already, but his father absolutely forbade an inter-faith marriage. Only one version of God would be worshipped in the Rhys family, and THEIR God believed in ham, bacon, shrimp, and one day to celebrate the birth of Christ.

With Maybelle, Liam could go all the way, and he did. Every time. Sometimes protection was used, but most times not. The future preacher was convinced God wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to him because he always sought forgiveness afterwards.

On their wedding day, all of Cordonia’s press outlets were present, as well as most of the town; the Rhys family was practically royalty in the small suburb, and everyone wanted to be in attendance for the wedding of a lifetime. Liam stood at the altar with his father, best man and groomsmen, occasionally looking over the crowd still being seated.

His eyes widened when the doors to the ceremony room opened and Maybelle Nussbaum strode through, wearing baggy sweatpants, a vomit-stained tee shirt, and her hair in a messy blonde bun. A swaddled infant rested in the crook of one arm; her free hand pulled a rolling suitcase behind her.

Liam had broken it off with his lover exactly 13 months earlier; he needed to focus on being a husband and ensure no hint of scandal touched his betrothment. He did it via text message and promptly blocked Maybelle’s number and deleted their chat history. And that was the end of that.

Or so he thought.

“Here ya go, Liam! You left this in my uterus right before you blocked me,” the new mother said loudly and cheerily as she placed the baby in a non-plussed Liam’s arms.

The murmurs and whispers amongst the guests began immediately. Constantine’s complexion turned a vague shade of purple. The groomsmen’s eyes went between Maybelle and Liam, who was sputtering and stammering as he protested.

“YOU CANNOT LEAVE ME WITH THIS CHILD, MAYBELLE!” Liam thundered.

“Why not? You did it to me,” Maybelle retorted as she rolled the suitcase up to the altar. “Everything you need is in there. I’m gonna skedaddle now. Take good care of her.”

The scorned lover slipped out a side door just as the Wedding March began to play.

A Summer Place—The Graduate (Version A, Liam)

Song Inspo: Parallel, Emlie Kahn

The server and the sovereign stood at the balcony’s railing as they awaited their food. The dock surrounding the sea harbor was gaily decorated with colorful streamers and balloons. The intricately painted dragon boats sat in their slips, bobbing against the gently cresting aquamarine sea while crew members worked on last minute inspections and details before the race.  

Diana’s chocolate brown eyes were wide with excitement as they took in the scene before her.  

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen anything like this. Montana is basically bull riding, which is literally flags and cowboy hats. And the ocean … it’s so blue and clear, like something out of a painting!” 

Liam studied her profile, wondering why he had the nagging feeling he had seen her before. Her olive complexion, high cheekbones, the curvature of her full lips. It was as if he had seen her features on another face, but not in this particular order. 

“It’s the Aegan Sea,” he gently corrected her, “and yes, it’s a beautiful sight.” 

Diana felt her cheeks flush crimson, as embarrassment flooded her body. She stared up at Liam contritely. “I’m sorry, you must think I’m a goof!” 

Liam’s arm reached out and his palm gently patted the back of her hand. “Why would I think that? You simply didn’t know. It’s your first time here.” 

Diana’s eyes went between Liam’s hand on hers and his eyes, which were filled with a gentle emotion.  

“You’re fine,” he assured her as his other hand ran fingers through her hair, tucking strands behind her ear.  

She felt a pleasant shiver at his touch, which she quickly dismissed as her imagination. Yes, Liam was manly perfection with his trim physique, head full of hair untouched by gray, and the face of a Greek god. But he was her father’s age and had women across the country and continent ready to do his bidding.  

She was a tourist that would be leaving in a couple of months. A nobody, 24 years his junior who didn’t know an ocean from a sea. Diana slowly pulled her hand away from his.  

“So, what’s for lunch? I’m starving!” she said a little more loudly than intended.  

“Oh, you are in for a treat!” Liam grinned. “Mediterranean seafood pie, scallops in a lemon garlic cream sauce, lobster tails stuffed with crabmeat, crab imperial …" 

“Oh my God! It’s like Red Lobster!” Diana exclaimed as she clapped her hands together.  

Liam looked puzzled. “Red Lobster?” 

“It’s an American surf and turf chain restaurant. It’s delicious!” 

“I can only hope Portavira lives up to such a lofty ideal.” 

Tagging: @jared2612​​​ @ao719​ @marietrinmimi​ @indiacater​​​ @kingliam2019​ @bebepac​​​ @liamxs-world @mom2000aggie​​​ @liamrhysstalker2020​​ @twinkleallnight​​​ @umccall71 @superharriet​​​ @busywoman​​​ @gabesmommie1130 @tessa-liam​​​ @beezm​​​ @gardeningourmet​​​ @lovingchoices14​​​ @mainstreetreader​​​ @angelasscribbles​​​ @lady-calypso @emkay512​​​ @princessleac1​​​ @charlotteg234 @alj4890​ @motorcitymademadame​​​ @queenmiarys​​​ ​​​ @choicesficwriterscreations

[leorawright]

Ok Im very excited Ive been wanting to request again for months but I work the whole day on Fridays :') but im back to request another mashup cause things have changed since the last one!

i would like to request a TF2 mashup (preferably romantic) with any of the main mercs (might exclude pyro unless you want to make it platonic).

Some stuff about me:

Im a hetersexual cis woman who wants to be a freelance artist, either in illustration or in character design! Right now Im studying illustration and its really fun to learn new techniques! I do get insecure from time to time with my art, but Im very determined to learn what I can and just have fun making art

Personality wise, Im very stoic and serious-looking, keeping to myself most of the time, but once i get comfortable I cant stop talking, like sometimes I have to remind myself to tone it down a little heheh

Once I get into something like a tv show or other series, Im very focused on it and think about it non-stop. For example, Ive been into Seinfeld for almost a year now to the point where one afternoon I spent an hour planning what a Seinfeld video game would look like, yknow, because I could. Sometimes I think about not being as involved in my interests as much as I do, but at the same time thats what makes me happy and drives my creativity, yknow?

Ive also been developing some stories of my own! Im no writer myself, but I love creating storylines and developing them further, whether they're original concepts or based on tf2 or something

As for what Im looking for in a partner, I want someone who can make me laugh. I admire someone who can talk so openly to other people but still be gentle and comforting with me even though Im not a very extroverted person. I want someone who admires my creativity and can listen to me when Im saying something, whether its something serious or not. I want someone who can share in some of my interests, and even when he doesnt he can still appreciate my enthusiam and not say something along the lines of "you're still talking about this?", yknow? Whenever I feel at my worst, I want him to just whisper sweet nothings, without having to try to 'fix' my problems immediately, just letting me slowly feel my emotions and junk. Im pretty much rambling on at this point but basically i just need the bare minimum like opening the door for me to fall in love with someone heh

I have a bit more confidence after attending art school, and Im trying to socialize more, but its still a little draining sometimes, but its still worth it in the end I think!

Uhhhhhhhhhh idk what else to put, this is mostly the bare minimum but I hope you're doing well! Take care and have a good day!

I have the perfect person...

Demoman!

He has the strangest sense of humor but whenever he's able to make you laugh, he absolutely lights up

If you're having a bad day, you bet Demo will do everything in his power to comfort you, whether it's listening to you talk or just telling you terrible jokes until you feel better

Or if you're having one of those days where you just need to cry, Demo will lay beside you and whisper about whatever until you fall asleep

Whenever you talk about your interests, he pays as much attention as possible so you know he's interested

Also, he praises your art so much and loves watching you draw, he thinks it's mesmerizing

[starrysnowdrop]

Okay so like, this is a weird question but I kind of started to think about it, have you ever had characters where it feels like the npcs you shipped them with were like... soulmates? I hope that makes sense. I don't really know how else to explain my random thought.

Hmmmm, you mean like your OC and their NPC partner were soulmates? Absolutely!

The first time I experienced it was when my main OC was Yume, and I had at first shipped her with Aymeric, and I just couldn’t get it to work. They didn’t have the chemistry that I was hoping for, and I wanted to ship an OC with Aymeric because I love him so much, but in the end I just knew it wasn’t working and I scrapped the ship altogether.

Then I shipped Yume with Cid, and I thought they were cute and I thought I was happy with it, but I still didn’t have the feeling with them that I was looking for. They didn’t have that “spark” that made me excited about the ship, and I kept thinking of the idea that I had briefly thought of years prior and never did it because I ultimately thought I wasn’t a good enough writer for it to work. Eventually I got over my fear and decided to go for it. I had Yume break up with Cid and end their engagement so that she could be with G’raha.

To make a long story somewhat shorter, I’m so glad that I overcame my anxiety and decided to ship Yume with G’raha, because I just think they work so well together. They have that chemistry, that “spark” that I was looking for, but everyone that I had tried to ship with Yume before just didn’t work out as well as I had hoped. To me, they really feel like soulmates, to the point that I even ship Eurydice, Unsundered Yume, with G’raha’s Unsundered self, whom I call Orpheus. I can’t even think of anyone else ever being with her anymore. Nothing else feels right, you know?

As for Hali, it didn’t take me long to realize that Hali would have a thing for Aymeric, as it took only the cutscene introducing him to Hali that made me go “Yes! Aymeric didn’t work out for Yume, but maybe Hali will have a better chance!” And not long after that, I started writing the Hali x Aymeric ship and I haven’t looked back! For me, it’s so easy to write for them, they are so right for each other, and they really do have the biggest “spark” that I’ve seen in any of my ships that I’ve written for before. Once again, I can’t imagine Hali with anyone else now.

I’m not sure why exactly, because I don’t think it’s wrong if you’re the type of writer that can write multiple ships for the same OC, and I think some of my mutuals do it extremely well. But I don’t know, I just can’t do that with my OCs. I like to have that special person (or persons if you’re poly, though neither of my girls are) that’s right for them, and if that means that they have found their soulmates, then who am I to deny them that?

I have no idea if I actually answered your question correctly anon, but you did get me to ramble on a bit about it! Thank you so much for the really thoughtful ask!! 🥰💖

Addendum: I still feel a bit guilty that I had my eye on Krile to ship with Hali and it just didn’t happen. This is absolutely NOT me questioning my Hali x Aymeric ship, because I’m not giving them up for anything, but I still really want to have an OC to ship with Krile, and maybe I can work on that?? Ehhhh we shall see.

[mean-and-rwde]

Volume 9 thoughts

[Spoilers, possibly]

[Rambling ahead]

I don't want to throw out all hope that V9 won't be absolute ""filler"", but it clashes too hard with the high emotions of the V8 finale.

If V8 was trying to be V3 (it failed), then I guess one could say V9 is like V4.

Except V4, while personally being one of my lesser-favorite volumes, does a nice bridge between the absolute chaos of the V3 finale to the V5 chaos. It's slower, a lot more dialogue heavy, and yet manages to remain somewhat true to canon without breaking it too much.

V9, however, looks to be a V1 - V2 ish theme but definitely not nearly as light hearted. I mean, they look to be in fucking wonderland (I heard it's called the Ever After, which is not much better, in my opinion). We've got talking mice among possibly other wild scenarios.

Meanwhile in Remnant (? I don't think Ever After is part of Remnant, I don't know tho):

- Atlas has become Atlantis (to quote my brother, who I guess heard it from a review somewhere?)

- Everyone who didn't fall into The Void / died when Atlas fell is now in Vacuo, the last standing kingdom.

- Vacuo is already very much struggling with what the citizens have. Now what's left of an entire kingdom has been dumped in as well.

- Salem has 2 / 4 relics needed to end the world and is on her way to Vacuo, where the last relic is being held.

- Cinder is still here. Like a damn cockroach

Side rant: I'm sorry, I just don't care for her anymore. I miss V1 - V3 Cinder, who was a legitimate threat and actually scary. Now she's an villain who is funniest when she fails. When I see her now, the sense of dread is more like "ugh this bitch again" instead of before where I was like "oh shit she's back what is she gonna do now?".

Adding her backstory in V7 (or was it V8? I literally can't remember) did nothing for me. It was way too on the nose, there was nothing subtle about it. And the song playing was basically beating the audience over the head with what was happening. It's too late to give her backstory, now it's completely unnecessary. It means nothing. And she has resorted to relying on the maiden powers in fights, makimg her fights boring and monotonous.

Also in Remnant:

- A shit ton of people fell into the void

- Penny is dead. Again. But permanently.

Meanwhile:

Our mains are in some weird wonderland like world where I'm guessing Neo somehow already has what looks like some sort of gang (in the intro, she's seen drinking tea with a bunch of shadowy people behind her).

There's also the mystery girl, who may have something to do with Ruby.

The intro hints that Ruby has become far more depressed and not nearly as hopeful as she once was. In the beginning, we see her as she transitions between her outfits over the volumes, while her emblem slowly fades.

While her team is running through various scenes, Ruby is dragging her feet, noticeably falling behind everyone else.

I hope this actually goes somewhere and makes Ruby + WBY + Jaune realize that they (especially Ruby) haven't made the best decisions as of late.

I haven't seen Episode 1, but I've heard some bits and pieces of it and I'm generally not thrilled. I know it's only the first episode, but I'm really not down for this whole wonderland shenanigans thing when the real world of Remnant is in danger of literally ending.

I don't know, it really feels like how when the White Fang arc was abruptly cut short and dropped (rip most of Blake's character). Things have gotten too heavy and too much, so the writers cut to something else entirely.

In this case, something comedic (or at least trying to be)

A / N 1: Apparently there's a con-man raccoon called Jinxy who is very... Stereotyped and racist. I have not seen this character, but from what I've heard... I don't think I want to know.

[having-conniptions]

KinnPorsche ep 14 Rewatch Rambles:

Last time seeing/hearing the intro 😭 but it's okay it's in my Favorites playlist on Deezer 😌

VegasPorsche friendship my beloved

"I definitely won't let anyone do anything to Pete" - "Just take care of him" 😭😭😭 VegasPete feat. PorschePete friendship

I love how Porsche's flashbacks come with dramatic wind in his hair

Apo's acting tho 😭❤️

KP thinking they're cousins for a hot second lmaooo 💀

Liar liar pants on fire (me @ Korn rn)

The brothers 😭❤️

The beginning of the end here we goooo

How can they all disrespect Kinn like that in his own home as if he's not still mafia even with his dad "dead"... not gonna say they had it coming but that definitely wasn't the smartest move

"Know your place" - "That's why I was speaking" POINTS TO DADDY CHAN SORRY VEGAS

Vegas immediately using one if his bodyguards as a human shield 💀

NOT CHAN 😭

Also can we talk about the fact that Vegas is still doing all of this just so maybe his father will be proud of him just this once 💀😭

Shit is going DOWN

Kinn also kinda used Pete as a shield but unlike Vegas he didn't grab him from behind and Pete actually kept his hand on Kinn the entire time making sure he's still behind him

Enter: Porsche

Whose first instinct is also to pull Kinn to his side and cover him 😭❤️

"I'm on your side" followed by their little tango of violence will always be in my heart

"Head, chest... or heart" *aims at Porsche* THIS EPISODE HAS SO MANY ICONIC LINES/MOMENTS

THE FUCKING TOY CAR OF DESTRUCTION 😂 and the marbles I can't hahahaha

Erika ftw

"I can be by myself" CHAY YOU'D HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED AGAIN IF YOUR EX WASN'T LOOKING OUT FOR YOU

The face Kim pulls before dragging that guy's face across the bar is HILARIOUS

KIM CLEAN UP YOUR MESS

Not Erika 😭😭

Not Gun saying he doesn't care about profits WELL IF IT'S NOT THAT THEN IT'S POWER IS THAT ANY BETTER?

I remember being so confused about Korn's and Gun's versions of the story, not realizing there was wayyyy more to it

The VegasPete reunion 😭 Pete shooting Vegas in the arm so the bodyguards wouldn't shoot 😭 Vegas, broken and bloody, reaching for Pete's face, asking him to be the one to kill him

The kiss 😭😭 the way Vegas pushed Pete off of him and runs away, leaving Pete confused af

I didn't even notice that Pete wipes his mouth before getting up lmao

Porsche yelling "Hey! Stop!" as if that's ever worked xD

Suuuuure, in like 15 years she hasn't aged a day...

"You just want all the power" AND WHAT ABOUT YOU GUN

What was he gonna say WHAT WAS HE GONNA SAYYYYYYYYYY

They left so much open for a season 2 and then DIDN'T GIVE US A SEASON TWO

Please don't call Porsche your nephew he's dating your son

Also can we talk about how Vegas was never able to free himself from his father before Gun died? I really wanted Vegas to break free on his own 😭

PETE STILL HAS BLOOD ON HIS MOUTH. VEGAS' BLOOD. FROM THE KISS. I AM THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO GOING INSANE

And his little speech before he runs after Vegas 😭😭😭

Korn may be terrible but he will always be supportive of gay love <3

With his dad, Vegas lost all sense of purpose because all he ever did was to try to make his dad proud. So even after he died, Vegas wasn't immediately freed. Nah, he thought he had nothing left to live for. Where would he go, what would he do, if no one gave him any direction?

This entire scene... 😭 it hurts even more after seeing the bts where they just sat on the ground after filming, processing all the emotions 😭 and Pete's raw af sobs and screams that were muted in the episode are also in that bts

VEGAS' TEENY TINY LITTLE SMILE FOR A FRACTION OF A SECOND BEFORE HE GETS SHOT WILL NEVER NOT MAKE ME GO ABSOLUTELY INSANE

Porsche becoming head of the minor family means he'll still be under Korn's thumb

Omg Chay is adorable

And Kim is still miserable lol

Porsche in that green suit 🔥🔥🔥

The kissssss omggggg

Tay 😍🥰❤️

KIM'S VIDEO 😭 he's trying okay he's trying not to isolate himself 😭

I think there's still hope for them (post-canon, because again, no s2 unfortunately) because 1) Chay was playing the guitar again, meaning he picked up music again even though he'd stopped because of Kim, and I'm not sure which guitar it was but if it was the one Kim gave him u know what that means... and 2) he didn't delete the video - he almost did but then he put his phone away PLEASE I JUST WANT THEM TO START OVER AND I WANT KIM TO ACTUALLY BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND THIS TIME

Tankhun is still so iconic

"I have a surprise for you" - "then I'll go wait in the restroom" PORSCHE NOT THAT KIND OF SURPRISE LMAO

They're so adorable aaaaaa

Hahaha Kinn's trying to be sexy but ends up being a little cheesy and goofy 🤭

"How's Vegas doing?" HIT ME SO HARD THE FIRST TIME BC UP TO THAT POINT I WAS CONVINCED I'D BE STUCK WATCHING VEGASPETE FIX-ITS ALL NIGHT

"I call Pete everyday to encourage him" IS SO OVERLOOKED PORSCHE IS SUCH A GREAT FRIEND ❤️😭

The whispered "I love you" 😭😭❤️❤️

I feel like there are so many secrets left to be uncovered

Namphueng looks so uncomfortable and idk if it's because there's two dudes she doesn't remember hugging her and calling her mom or if it's because she's actually just pretending 👀👀👀

The post credit scene 😭 I find it hard to believe that it's also 1 month later bc Vegas' wounds would be wayyy further along the healing process. Especially the one on his arm that probably didn't actually go through but just grazed him. And after a month, Vegas wouldn't be asking Pete why he's still there. They would have had that conversation much sooner. So did they actually go back to right after the incident? Like, a few days later? A week maybe?

I will always be insane about "I can't run off to anywhere" I have made an entire post about Pete not being able to leave Vegas for various reasons so I won't go into too much detail but I'll just say this isn't just "I don't have anywhere to go" but also "I couldn't just run off and leave you behind"

AGAIN WITH THE SOFT HAND HOLDING 😭❤️

Hahaha Macau's little smirk he's so precious

The family cuddles and Vegas' soft little pecks for Pete and Macau 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ also they used a mirror for that scene again and I'm still not sure what reflections mean in KP but I know they're a Thing™️

I can't believe it's over. That's it. I've rewatched the entire series less than two months after first watching it. It's not over yet, not for me. But I think my brain will at least stop being a "KP only" zone, at least for a while.

Aaaaaahhh this series and its characters and the cast will always be in my heart 😭❤️