#me nodding and saying nothing
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well the good news is that today i instigated a necessary conflict, walked into it w my chin up and then got to learn that i've healed enough that i no longer dissociate instantly when a voice is raised at me and can remain not only coherent, but rational and well-spoken and verbally calm. the bad news is we solved nothing, but at least my roommates are now aware that there's a very strong likelihood they're gonna be stuck paying the rent on this place for the full term of our original lease.
#they informed me last week that they're moving out nov 1 and the Plan is/was for them to find ppl to take over their parts of the lease#i was annoyed about this but whatever#but now our landlord has changed his mind and that he's -not- okay with lease takeovers#and now our options are either 1) the lease is terminated for all three of us (forcing me to move bc i do not meet his app criteria anymore#or 2) i refuse to terminate and roommies are forced to pay their thirds of the lease till august 2025. whether or not they still live here#so. idk.#they are now dawningly aware that they have backed me into an awful and unfair corner#a conclusion i let them come to themselves as opposed to saying it outright#one of them went there immediately i think based on how guiltily quiet she became#the other yell-talked around shit for an hour and at one point trailed thru a secondary sentence clause abt like#'[landlord] needs to deal with the fact that he's putting you in a VERY unfair awful situation.. which we..... sort of have. too......'#me nodding and saying nothing#i hope it eats at her lmfao
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I can’t stop thinking about a poisoned Arthur, who’s not sick with just any poison. Maybe he’s hit by someone with magic and he has no collateral effects, except that of his body slowly dying.
It doesn’t matter if takes years or months or weeks or days, Arthur knows that one day, he will die. He does not get weaker or unable to do things, he just dissipates, and he knows the moment when he’ll be forever gone.
Everybody knows.
Although, there is a cure to his poisoned body, the only one, but Arthur refuses to take it.
Because if he cures himself of the deadly poison, the price to pay is too high:
he will forever forget the person he loves the most, and will never be able to love them again. His memory will be wiped out each time it comes back.
And Arthur doesn’t want to forget Merlin.
Arthur would rather die in the knowledge that he loves him and has known him, than live a life without Merlin by his side, and without his love and care.
#but imagine the fucking big reveal where everyone thinks ‘oh it must be because he doesn’t want to forget the queen’#and then bam#once he actually cured himself because merlin will probably find a way#it’s actually him who he forgets#and uuuuh i will write this one day#because i like angst and you can do nothing about it#but like imagine the stupor on everyone’s faces when it’s actually merlin who arthur forgets#and like arthur has a moment of clarity before he drinks the cure thag perhaps merlin has put in his drink even if arthur forbade him#to cure him#and arthur’s something like#what did you do?#and merlin is in the verge of crying#and it’s nothing big or spectacular just them in arthur’s chambers hit by the soft morning light still in their night clothes#and they’re standing one feet apart yet they had never been that far away#and merlin simply says ��i know i should have respected your choice#but tell me you wouldn’t have done the same if you were me’#because they can’t live without the other#either they die together or give up everything they had ever known to be with each other and arthur knows this he understands and nods#nothing more he just stands there crying silently#and hugs merlin for the last time and whispers#‘hold me’#merthur#merlin#arthur pendragon#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#arthur x merlin#fanfic prompt#merlin fanfic#fic ideas
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girl not to start anything and i don’t want y’all to take this the wrong way but . i don’t see the hawkahy at all like with most ships even if i don’t like / ship it personally i at least see the chemistry but with hawkahy i just don’t 😭
#like ??? hawk flirting with father mulcahy has always just seemed like a platonic oh this is funny because it’s a priest . like my flirting#with him is a joke#like i’m trying SOOO hard to put on the hawkahy glasses here and i cannot see SHIT#how mad would y’all be if i said they don’t even seem like they’re that close as friends 🏃♀️💨#they feel like they’re class besties . like how in highschool you’d have someone you’d always interact with in class and maybe nod to in the#hallway but never interacted with outside of that#THATS the energy hawkahy has to me#i’m not saying any of this to be mean like hawkahy objectively not a bad ship . there’s nothing wrong with it and if you ship it#good for you#this is just me PERSONALLY#i’ll still make hawkahy edits if y’all request them but idk idk idk#mash#mashposting#m*a*s*h#mash 4077#mashblr#hawkeye pierce#hawkeye#father mulcahy
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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Local man who survives by identifying smells dragged into a candle store and promptly suffers. (I got so lazy in the end on the last part sorry it's very not accurate heights and stuff)
#the daily life of a deity sucks#modern deities and their weird lives#sorry deacon that you had to die like this#inspired by the fact he might have my facial blindness#but holly got my lack of smell except while i can do fake scents idk if she can i havent decided#inspired by the fact MY SISTER brought me to a candle store and joked that i should try it out and see if i could smell anything#so i rushed to the counter bc there was A Lit Candle and i thought that would be the strongest source of smell#and asked the worker who was eyeing me if it was a scented candle#and she nodded so i awkwardly was like haha i... cant smell.... i was testing a lit candle#and she looked at me with so much pity and then i looked over expecting my sister to be looking at least#and no she is like five feet away from the door outside of it#and im like damn wow brutal so i left and was like oh my b i cant smell even lit candles#and she said no duh i cant go in bc i can smell it out here well enough#then she was like btw the irony is the name of the candle shop is the smell house#and i felt so ashamed i made a worker v sad for me and also can say i entered the smell house and smelled nothing#long post#I MEANT TO INCLUDE THAT ALREADY IM SO SORRY
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Me: no really if you missed even one birth control pill you better double check you aren't pregnant.
#can you feel that thick rod begging for entrance#back and forth back and forth across your lips finding the perfect angle of entry#his adidas interfere but his cock is pre'ing let me in#🤔 honey we were never “just friends” it was always way more than that#her & her i like to turn you on baby#when heaven is out on the street with the heat of the the night#It's fine we fuck and I feel better#don't you feel like an owned object when anyone says the magical ownership of All Hallow's Eve though#like you just want to be owned and have attention paid to you#and I can give that to you....we can give that to you#emotional attachment to a chick version of myself? oh I could see that#like she will think my drug use was nothing in comparison I reckon#me: *nods* so she likes ice though huh....yeah I can see that being a thing#you have a few nieces I guess.... 🤔 well a few full ones anyway#a few who have way too much of the other half of us#she's like i smoke because I like it when i smoke#and I'm like oh ok yaaaaaas hypnotize me#when I click those videos I know what I am signing up for#just stare at you for a few minutes no words#yes please do say words to me though let's see how 27 years of hearing have done you.#well we both have the same life path number it's ridiculous to discuss between us#and she's like.....can i play with your 2 2#your destiny is facing and conquering that sexy fear of 7#mine is 7 children I guess*gulp.... fuck*#and two twins for her#his and mine#mine is a freak tho......#here I was in 2014 finally spilling my guts over what you had accused me of to her years ago#except it was like all lowkey and shit as far as the external world knew#...we knew tho.....we knew
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literally can't stop thinking about mafia!bernard and police informant!tim
it got too long for the tags
bear's in the mafia for whatever reason
and tim is part of a police team called idfk the bats
anyway bear's mafia is getting too big and they need sm1 on the inside. enter tim.
tim is a police legacy. his dad was a policeman and so was his father's father and on it goes
and he might've made it onto captain wayne's team but he's desperate to prove to the force that he's not a fuckin nepo baby
so he takes the job. enter bernard who only meets tim after he's been on the mission for a year now.
bear quickly takes a liking to this new recruit who's efficient and smart and has the tiniest waist he's ever seen.
and tim goes along with this liking cause hey information from the top will be more valuable right?
and they fall into this fuckbuddies relationship that quickly becomes way more. because like fuck bear looks at tim like he's worth smth
like he's more than what his parents have set out for him. like he's somebody. like he loves tim for tim. and not for what tim can do for him.
and fuck he loves bear and his smiles. the way his eyes crinkle and his gums show. he loves the way bear looks with a gun in his hands and he knows that's fucked up but the first time he saw bear with a gun in his hands and blood splattered across his face he had to actively stop himself from jumping bear in front of the mafia. and no matter how rough bear is when he's on the field he always caresses tim's cheeks with a softness tim didn't know was possible
and fuck his dick is massive and it's really not helping tim's feelings. and he knows he's compromised and fuck cpt. wayne probs knows too
but shit bear holds him like he's precious. bear looks at him like he loves him. bear twines their bodies together like he'll die if they part
bear whispers sweet nothings into his ears as they fall asleep and it'll break him when he has to give bear up but he's always been selfish
he'll keep this for as long as he can. (please lord let him have this.)
and on bear's end he really only becomes interested in this new recruit when he watches the boy deliver 10 backhanded compliments in a row
and nobody pick up on it. it takes 3 months before bear figures out that tim's a spy and still he keeps seeing him
bc it doesn't matter that tim'll be his downfall. it doesnt matter that tim doesnt really love him or care about him. that it's only a mission for tim bc tim is the best thing bear's life.
he is the sun to bear's moon. the first word on his lips when he wakes up and the last when he goes to sleep.
and he loves every version of tim -- when he's caustic and biting, when he's blissed out in bed covered in the marks bernard left, when he's laughing, when he's crying
every version on tim is a version he likes. and one of these days, his pretty bird is going to have to leave their nest but at least bear can hold tim until then
at least bear can press promises into his thighs. at least he can whisper his devotion into the crook of tim's neck. at least he can leave marks on tim -- lovebites on his neck, handprints on his thighs and hips -- a tapestry that says "i was here. and i loved him. i love him and i am here."
but until that day comes, bear will work on quitting smoking and turning his favorite safehouse into a home for them.
(please lord, just let him have this. just let him have tim.)
#honestly if i was to sum up this au in one sentence it'd be#'dick so good you'd let them commit war crimes'#he quits smoking cause his baby has no spleen. tim nearly cries when he hears that#bear always kisses tim before he leaves in 3s. one to the forehead. one to both cheeks. and one to his lips.#the first time tim says 'welcome home!' to bear he has to take 3 business days to recover#the first time bear comes over to money-laundering coffee shop front tim's been assigned to with a bouquet of flowers tim spends the rest#week giggling to himself. also tim and bear get relentlessly teased by their coworkers.#and when all is said and done and the mission comes to an end and tim has to arrest bear he does it with a tremble in his hands and tears#in his eyes. and bear's eyes are so sad almost mournful with the way they look at him in his police uniform#'hey pretty baby. here to lock me up at last?' bear asks#'you knew?' tim whispers. bear nods slowly like doing it any faster will spook tim off. the hand holding his gun trembles.#'then why-'#'why do you think tim?' bear responds quietly 'i love you.'#tim chokes on his sob. 'i did too y'know. i do too.'#bear smiles sadly 'but the job comes first right?'#and tim has nothing to say to that. tim loves bear and bear loves tim and it's not enough. maybe it was never enough.#anyway#how yall doin#i'm so normal about them i swear#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber#dc
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curating shri’iia’s playlist as one does n the high by the beach -> burn -> i, carrion (icarian) progression
#anyone can start again / not through love but through revenge / through the fire we’re born again /#peace by vengeance brings the end ->#there’s nothing left to fear now / so watch me close as once again you burn me alive#-> and though I burn how could I fall? when I am lifted by every word you say to me / if anything could fall at all / it’s the world#that falls away from me…..#the oathbreaker sequence looks like they’re burning too iirc……. olivia wilde nod gif
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Hearth to hearth, the Flame of War went.
Over snow-blasted mountains and amongst the trees of tangled forests, hiding from the enemies that prowled the skies. Through long, bitterly cold nights where the wind howled as it tried to wipe out any trace of that flame.
But the wind did not succeed, not against the flame of the queen.
So hearth to hearth, it went.
To remote villages where people screamed and scattered as a young-faced woman descended from the skies on a broom, waving her torch high.
Not to signal them, but the few women who did not run. Who walked toward the flame, the rider, as she called out, "Your queen summons you to war. Will you fly?"
Trunks hidden in attics were thrown open. Folded swaths of red cloth pulled from within. Brooms left in closets, beside doorways, tucked under beds, were brought out, bound in gold or silver or twine. And swords-ancient and beautiful—were drawn from beneath floorboards, or hauled down from haylofts, their metal shining as bright and fresh as the day they had been forged in a city now lying in ruin.
Witches, the townsfolk whispered, husbands wide-eyed and disbelieving as the women took to the skies, red cloaks billowing. Witches amongst us all this time.
Village to village, where hearths that had never once gone fully dark blazed in answer.
Always one rider going out, to find the next hearth, the next bastion of their people.
Witches, here amongst us. Witches, now going to war.
A rising tide of witches, who took to the skies in their red cloaks, swords strapped to their backs, brooms shedding years of dust with each mile northward.
Witches who bade their families farewell, offering no explanation before they kissed their sleeping babes and vanished into the starry night.
Mile after mile, across the darkening world, the call went out, ceaseless and unending as the eternal flame that passed from hearth to hearth.
"Fly, fly, fly!" they shouted. "To the queen! To war!"
Far and wide, through snow and storm and peril, the Crochans flew.
#Chapter 65#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Manon Blackbeak#no spoilers please first read along with me#spoilers in post and tags with more notes reactions quotes annotations etc in tags#Dorian had gone to Morath. Had flown from the camp on wings of his own making.#He would have chosen some sort of small ordinary bird Manon knew. Something even the Thirteen would not have noted#Crunching snow told her Asterin approached. He left didn't he. She nodded unable to find words. — she knew. East not North.#She had offered him everything and had thought he'd meant to accept it. Had thought he did accept it#She had offered him everything and had thought he'd meant to accept it. Had thought he did accept it. Yet it had been farewell.#He would not cage her would not accept what she'd given. As if he knew her better than she knew herself. Do we go after him?#Today-today they would decide where to go. Today she'd dare ask the Crochans to follow. — The Last Crochan Queen The Witch-Queen#to head back into hell The sun rose full and golden as if it were the solitary note of a song filling the world. — for him she would#Terrasen calls for aid! A young Crochan's voice rang through the camp. — but for her people — THEY GOT THE CALL — GO NOW#Even if she'd needed it waited for it. The Flame of War. What say you Queen of Witches? A challenge and a dare. Manon lifted her chin to -#-the two paths before her. one to the east to Morath the other NORTHward to Terrasen and to battle. The wind sang and in it she heard the#answer. I shall answer Terrasen's call Manon said. Asterin stepped to her side fearless as she surveyed the assembled camp. As shall I.#And so it went. Until the leaders of all seven of the Great Hearths stood gathered there. — I’m not crying ur crying — fire bringer#Rhiannon Crochan rode at King Brannon's side into battle. So has her likeness been reborn so shall the old alliances be forged anew.#Light the Flame of War Queen of Witches and rally your host. — the eternal flame — darkness will not claim them#Even the wind did not jostle the flame as Manon lifted it a torch in the new day. The Crochan crowd parted revealing a straight path toward#Bronwens Hearth. Each step was a drumbeat of war. An answer to a question posed long ago. Your Queen summons you to war. — Hearth to Heart#Then and only then did the young scout from the final clan take her burning torch grab her broom and leap into the skies.#To find the next clan to tell them the call had gone out. — nothing but a smoldering speck against the sky then nothing at all. — Hope.#Manon offered a silent prayer on the wind that the sacred flame the young scout bore would burn steadfast over the long dangerous miles.#All the way to the killing fields of Terrasen. Hearth to hearth the Flame of War went.#Fly fly fly! they shouted. To the queen! To war! Far and wide through snow and storm and peril the Crochans flew.#Terrasen calls for aid — so they follow. — Hold on LysAedion come on Aelin — I’m not crying I’m just crying — NOW GO QUICK#The true Witch Queen child of peace and war Manon Blackbeak of the Thirteen & Rhiannon The Last Crochan Queen
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donqui .
#tearing i nto drywall with myyyy teeth. my teeth my teeth my teeth.#CONTINUES TO SAY NOTHING BUT NODS SILENTLY ..#KILLING ME . SPECIFICALLY..#piktalk#projmoon
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I'm only in ep 14 I'm so soft about fang xiaobao though. ;-; li lianhua simply. Switches to that as soon as he realizes. I want to see fang duobing make a mention of it
#mysterious lotus casebook#lb#tho i suppose fang duobing is just as likely to say nothing and preen about it like a peacock#and wait until a STRANGER or his friend says: did he. just call you xiaobao?#and then fang duobing can smile in pride and private satisfaction and nod like Of Course He does uvu i Am a Treasure His#Treasure uvu#fang duobing honestly would positively receive any praise though. if li lianhua sucked it up and just said: okay im your partner#okay ill shout for you to save me if i run into trouble.#if he said that? fang duobing would forget a weeks worth of manipulative bullshit and smile like the sun#and possibly get annoying in front of strangers to rhe degree he would be giddy like an excited puppy
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wren rambles about the borderlands movie in tags
#so I went to the movie assuming it would be nothing like the games and be super shitty in general#I’ll preface with the statement that I’m generally pretty easy to please when it comes to movies#I go with the intention of enjoying myself and usually end up doing that#but my expectations were really low here#I genuinely really enjoyed this movie#some of the characterization fell short of the games but I expected that#the plot definitely deviates from the games#assuming this is meant to be Borderlands 1 timeline#but I liked how it came together#I found that the character differences made it easier to see this as its own story and not trying and failing to keep to the canon#the villain was eh but that’s because it wasn’t handsome Jack#frankly I find the first game very eh to begin with and this was certainly more interesting than that#as for the stuff I liked a lot#the cgi man#the settings and the creatures and the little details#really made it for me#I loved how the movie nods to things that it doesn’t need to for the story but did it anyway for the atmosphere and for the fans#the skags and the raak and the threshers were so cool#and just treated as part of the world and not something that even needed a ton of emphasis#like oh yeah watch out there’s threshers around here#the stickers on Marcus’ bus and the posters and graffiti did so much to build the world and atmosphere#I feel like it really matched the Borderlands tone of not taking itself seriously#and the world felt fleshed out rather than something we were being introduced to for the first time#overall I really liked it and will seek it out to watch more when it’s available#oh and claptrap wasn’t too gratuitous so that was nice#all his humour was really in character and not just showing off that they got Jack black to voice him#shit wren says#wren rambles#borderlands#borderlands movie
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#ahw come on#did my hair in two braids bc its 2am and nobody can see me#fucking hate letting other ppl see me when i try to enjoy my hair bc theyll think im finally being feminine#and im going to my brothers graduation too so shes immediately commenting on wow#ure gonna go like that?i finally support you. like come on man#literally why i never ever want to ease up on my regular going out clothes formula#it will be shoes pants shirt jacket for forever unless i get to be alone bc any time i take anything off#ill have comments like ure finally going out in just a shirt finally#ill honestly rather kill myself than have u see me in a skirt please i know thats ur biggest dream but please#also donchu dare lecture me on why i need an emergency dress for super formal occasions or event sthat need me to wear a skirt or dress#id honestly rather not go if its like that no matter the importance#and even if i did what difference does it make if i just had say an emergency suit instead#fuck me fuck fuck#i point out i want to cosplay miles g morales and she says nothing not even a nod#she sees me in braids and suddenly she wants me to wear jt everywhere#please please please i need u to never look at me again if this is what i get#anyways rant over
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I think Tuvok and Neelix should have become riddle buddies. Like they’re just always tossing riddles back and forth idly when they see each other (Tuvok’s are surprisingly easy if you’re knowledgeable in the subject they’re about - Neelix’s are easy for everyone who isn’t Tuvok.)
#-tuvix shipper hat engaged- Neelix tries to confess to Tuvok with a riddle. Like the simplest easiest riddle imaginable but he /cann#ot/ get it....he's like NO hints. I will figure it out on my own....hmm...most puzzling.#only sorry it's Tuvok so he wouldn't say it's puzzling bc he's going to get it. DON'T tell him. He's gonna get it.#Tuvok asks Chakotay for help finally and Chakotay (who immediately 1000% knows what's going on) is like hmm that's a tough one...#have you tried asking...everyone?? every single person on the ship? <- mischief maker.#Tuvok: (in the middle of the night) Mr. Neelix I believe you know why I asked you to my quarters tonight#Neelix: (heart pounding) I-I believe I do Mr. Vulcan. Now let me just say no matter what your answer is nothing will change between us!#Tuvok: (nods) I am...grateful. To hear that. -leans closer- Neelix...#Neelix: (blushing) Tuvok....#Tuvok: (averts his eyes in embarrassment)...................................I require a hint.#Neelix: ...................................................................you didn't figure the riddle out.#Tuvok: (affronted) I Will As Soon As I Am Given A Hint.#st voyager#tuvok/neelix#the actual text post is something I believe should have been canon...the tags? -winks- that's just my own personal happiness
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i know that being hyperaware of how weird and awkward i am only makes me act more weird and awkward but. i cannot stop
#i have to meet a bunch of new people at work tomorrow i feel really bad for them]#like usually.#when i meet a new person i just talk loads about stuff they did not ask about and that's usually a better kind of weird#but right now i am so spaced out and still kind of sad so i'm just kind of There. i have nothing to say girl#you're going to talk at me about files and doc review and i am going to dissociate so hard i can't even nod#good thing these people are fucking nothing to me and their opinions are not real
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#I can't deal with life I fucking can't#nobody wants to or can listen to me and I am so fucking lonely#and I am fucking suffocating and I don't know how to deal with it cause nobody can help#aside from nodding or say ah yes I feel you what can anyone do?#nothing I'll ever do will improve things no matter how much effort I put#and I don't have the energy anymore to keep everything running and neat#I just can't#to delete later
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