#me last november: yeah this is going to take a couple of weeks to get going <- idiot

[astramachina]

didn't think learning how to use Twine would end up being a crash course in java but it seems like this year is determined to teach me code one way or another.

[faggot-vampire-dies-epicly]

Respite

Summary: After a really bad argument with your brother Mike, you are left feeling distraught after both of you said things you shouldn't have. As you're struggling to come to terms with what happened, you find comfort in the person you least expected. | Words: 4.225K. Requested by @xxinmyfnafworldxx.

Warnings: Mentions of child disappearance. Mentions of poverty. Cursing, miscommunication, hurt/comfort, family drama, family issues, unresolved romantic tension. Smoking. A bit of an age gap, since Reader is younger than Mike and Vanessa. Fem!Schmidt!Reader.

A/N: Okay, yeah, I know this took long but I was busy, sorry. School is beating my ass, my cousin got into a car accident and a stray dog bit me in the leg. It may not have the same quality as the last one, but I did put in a lot of effort, and I do like how this turned out, so I hope you guys like it too.

Main Masterlist | Vanessa Masterlist | AO3

Nebraska, 1987.

“During autumn, Nebraska is colder than at home. So don’t take off your sweater.”

That was the first thing your dad said when he helped you get out of the car.

Garrett and Mike were already playing tag around the campsite. You chuckled and ran after them, following them into the woods.

That night, at the police station, as you sat beside the only sibling you had left now, you realized your dad was right. Nebraska was indeed colder than Hurricane.

November, 2000.

The past months had been rough.

With Max’s disappearance, you had no choice but to quit your job and stay home to look after Abby while Mike was at work.

After all, Mike had an accident (that he didn’t want to tell you anything about) which caused him to lose another job, which meant even more cost-cutting since he couldn’t keep one job for too long, nor get a high-paying one.

Abby had been there with him the night of the “accident” and she didn’t want to say a thing about it either.

It was driving you insane.

At least things with Aunt Jane had gotten better. But that only was because you had found her passed out in the living room the same night Mike had been injured, and she never came back to bother you and your siblings ever since.

So currently, you were struggling financially, like you always did. 

Mike always got the worst of it.

The smallest portion at dinner, the cheapest clothes, the most worn-out shoes.

You lived in a perpetual state of worrying about him. He would just give you a tired smile, and say, “It’s alright.”

You knew it wasn’t.

Everything changed after Mike lost his job at that old restaurant.

Mike and Abby’s relationship had been magically fixed, or at least that’s how it felt. 

She wasn’t shutting both of you out anymore, and Mike had become more calm and understanding.

There was also Vanessa, the police girl who had stayed a couple of weeks at your house. She was Abby and Mike’s friend and had also been involved in whatever happened in that old place.

Mike had let her stay in the house while recovering from whatever injury she had suffered.

She had slept on the couch. Sometimes you would go to the kitchen for water in the middle of the night, and you would find her awake, looking through the window.

Vanessa never talked much, at least not with you, she seemed to like Mike more. But you would still stay with her until she whispered goodnight and slipped under the blankets.

Sometimes, you would stay even after she had fallen asleep. You were the only one who could wake her from her nightmares after all.

Then she had moved out and you barely saw her. Sometimes she would drop Abby off from school, or Mike would invite her to dinner.

Vanessa was… fine. 

It’s not that you didn’t like her. 

No. 

You liked her very much.

But you didn’t have time to acknowledge what that meant. Much less let her know.

 Not that you were thinking of actually doing it.

After all, it seemed like everyone's life was improving, except for yours.

You still couldn’t go to college like you wanted to, since there were no babysitters around to look out for your little sister.

Mike was still jumping from job to job, getting paid barely enough to help with the mortgage and the basic groceries. And you couldn’t help with that either, since nobody wanted to hire you just for the part-time, and even if they wanted to, Mike wouldn’t approve of it.

And even worse, you couldn’t even go out to make friends, because, even if your older brother had changed, he was still as overbearing and overprotective with you.

You were sure that if you went to look at the meaning of overzealous on the library computers, his name would be the first thing to come up.

It always drove you nuts.

Even if you were young, you were already an adult. You didn’t need him to always keep an eye on you.

You understood it was just a trauma response. You really did.

You were there the day Garrett was kidnapped, after all. You recalled the horrified look on Mike’s face as they were interrogating him. His cheeks were tear-stained, his eyes red-rimmed, and he was so pale anyone could have mistaken him as a ghost.

You could remember him saying, “I just looked away for a second. I swear it was just a second,” to your parents' sorrowful faces over and over again.

Still, it didn’t mean you had to suffer such consequences. You wanted to live a normal life, as normal as you could, regardless of what had happened.

Abby sighed profoundly and shifted on her seat, frowning at her drawing. 

You were in the kitchen, making dinner, and close enough to her to notice her discontent, so you pushed the salad you just finished aside and looked at her.

“What’s wrong, Abz?”

She made a face, meeting your gaze. “My friend from school invited me to have a sleepover tonight, but Mike won’t let me go.”

You frowned. When did this kid make friends at school?

And why were you just finding out about it?

“Well, uh,” you trailed off. “Did he give you a reason? Like, is he going to stay late at work tonight?”

Abby shook her head, looking back at her drawing, and put the crayon she was holding down on the table.

Just then, as if you had summoned him, Mike opened the door and stepped into the house.

Abby and you turned to look at him as he took out his jacket, and stepped out of his shoes.

He smiled at Abby, first, ruffling her hair, and looked at her drawing.

“That’s a good one,” he murmured, looking at Abby. He then turned to look at you.

“What’s with that face?” Mike asked casually.

“Abby told me something interesting,” you said, focusing on the salad again.

Mike hummed, peeking into the pots on the stove, and checked what you were cooking. “What did she say?”

You huffed, setting the salad to the side again.

“Well, first of all,” you turned to look at him. “I have just been made aware that she has a friend in school.”

Mike chuckled softly, leaving the pots alone to face you. “Ah, yes. It’s true, she has a school friend.”

You huffed, frustrated. Did neither of them feel like this was important information? After all the time Abby had struggled to make real friends?

“And also,” you continued, “her friend invited her to a sleepover, and you didn’t allow it.”

Mike sighed, already tired from the conversation. “Yes, that’s true, too.”

“So, why can’t she go?” You crossed your arms.

Mike shrugged. “It's not safe for her.”

You scoffed. “You're unbelievable. It's just a sleepover. What's the worst that could happen? Kids consuming too much sugar? She asking her friend's mom to call you because she misses her room? ”

Mike huffed, shaking his head, and tried to walk away from the conversation.

You followed him across the hall and into his room.

“Come on, Mike. What's the worst that could happen? Seriously.”

Mike sighed, turning to face you while he tossed away his tie. “I don't know – I mean, we don't know these people. God knows what strange habits–”

“Are you hearing yourself?” you said, disbelief clear in your voice. “You’re accusing people you don’t know of being,” you gestured with your hands, “weirdos, just because you’re afraid of letting Abby out of your sight!”

Mike rolled his eyes, scoffing. “I'm not afraid, I'm just being careful! It's my job as an older brother–”

“You won't have control over her all her life. You know that, right?” You argued back. “She might be a kid right now but she’ll keep on growing and things will get out of hand, Mike.”

The conversion was turning into a whole-blown argument. You knew you shouldn't press Mike's buttons further, but it was too late to care about that.

“Y/N,” he said in a warning tone. “Don't start this again.”

You scoffed, “Start what, exactly?”

“You know what. I'm not in the mood to argue.”

“You're never in the mood for anything!” You snapped at him. “All you do is work,” you continued. “Or rather, try to keep your job and watch over us like you're our bodyguard. You are going to asphyxiate us with your intensity.”

“I'm just trying to keep you two safe!”

Your voices were raised so high that Abby could probably hear the discussion from the living room.

“Keep us safe–”

“Oh, please,” he practically mocked. “You know I have reasons!”

Before you could argue back, he continued.

“Abby is a kid. She doesn’t understand the dangers she could be in, and you,” Mike met your gaze, “you think I don't notice how you look at me sometimes? Like I'm ruining your life? Like you hate me?”

You huffed, “I don't hate you! I just– I just want some space, okay?”

Mike scoffed, but you ignored him.

“I want to be able to go out at night, to have a job, and make money not only for us to have something to eat, but to buy things for myself too. I want to stop worrying so much about you!”

You took a long breath, trying to calm down.

“I want a normal life. A normal, relaxing life, Mike. Where I can make friends and go on dates without having to sneak out because you won’t agree.”

“Y/N–” he tried to interrupt.

“No!” you cut him off. “You think I don’t know who I remind you of? You think I don't know that when you look at me, you think of Garrett? You think I don’t hear when you tell Abby I look just like him?”

“That’s not true!” he shook his head, now seemingly hurt. “Look, I'm just trying to look out for you! For you and Abby. I'm your big brother–” he said, exasperated. And that was your last straw.

“We don't need you to protect us! Did you forget what happened the last time you tried to look out for one of us?”

A deafening silence followed. Mike deflated, his words dying in his mouth.

You looked at each other for a second before you realized what had been said.

“Fuck,” you exhaled. “Mike, I'm sorr–”

“Get out.”

“But–” You approached him, and tried to take his hand but he cringed, pulling away.

“Please, just…” he trailed off, not looking at you. “Just leave.”

You looked around, thinking of what to do. 

Something, anything that could change the situation you were in.

But of course, there was nothing to do, at least not until Mike had calmed down.

So you left his room, looked at him one last time, and closed the door.

You stood still outside his door, letting everything sink in. You were still angry, but you also felt guilty.

Using Garrett’s kidnapping as an argument during the discussion was a low blow. If there was a hell, you were fucked.

Running your hands through your hair, you approached the living room.

Abby was still sitting at the dining table, eyes fixated on her now-finished drawing.

“Abby?” you called, softly.

She didn’t react. It was one of those moments when she felt stressed so she wouldn’t acknowledge you– or anyone, for that matter.

You sighed, took your jacket from the coat hanger, and stormed out of the house.

You walked for a while, just following the river.

After a good fifteen minutes, you stopped. It was cold, and your jacket wasn’t warm enough.

You sighed in frustration, kicking rocks into the water, and finally decided to sit on the grass.

“Was it really that serious?” You thought. After all, even if it was annoying, Mike's overprotectiveness had probably saved you from a lot of trouble.

You ripped up handfuls of grass as you stared at the water.

“Yes, it is,” you said out loud. Blaming him for Garrett’s disappearance was shitty, but you knew your anger was justified. Mike couldn’t keep being like this.

Not with you, and not with Abby, either. He needed to understand. To learn.

But how would he understand and learn if you only told him about your frustrations after bottling up and then exploding?

It wasn’t fair to him, either. Mike would just feel like you’re being antagonistic.

Grumbling, you rummaged through your jacket’s pockets. The wind had started to pick up and you needed something to warm up.

You pulled out a cigarette pack and a lighter from the front pocket of your jacket.

You huffed. Mike would kill you if he found out. 

Lighting the cigarette, you took a quick drag and as you put the items away again, you felt something strange in your pocket. 

Frowning, you placed the cigarette between your lips and reached into your pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper.

Humming, you unfolded it without care, not remembering what it was.

You almost choked on the smoke.

It was a drawing from Abby.

She had given it to you a few weeks ago after you picked her up from school.

It was a drawing of you, her, Mike, and a little airplane toy. Garrett's favorite.

“God-fucking-dammit,” you said, putting the cigarette back in between your lips to avoid getting ash on the paper.

“Language,” a voice behind you said, and you jumped, turning around.

Standing there, with her blonde hair swaying slightly in the wind, was Vanessa.

“Great,” you thought.

Out of all the people you could have run into this situation, it had to be her.

You noted was wearing civilian clothes: jeans, a cheap-looking sweater, and a jacket. Her hair was also down. Very different from her usual everyday look.

“That’s bad for your lungs. You know that right?” she said, pointing to the cigarette between your lips.

You grumbled, turning to face the water again, and she took it as an invitation to sit beside you.

“I mean that,” Vanessa said, staring at you.

You took a drag and blew the smoke away from her. “I know.”

She hummed. “Does Mike know?”

You frowned, looking at your shoes while the cigarette slowly burned in your hand.

“There’s a lot of things Mike doesn’t know about me,” you answered, meeting her gaze.

You stared at each other for a moment before she spoke again. “Can I?” She said, pointing to the cig. You handed it to her, and she took a puff from the cig.

You smiled. “I thought you said it’s bad for your lungs. What changed?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes, blowing the smoke. She took another puff, then looked at you.

“Nothing has changed, it’s still bad,” and as she said it, she threw the cigarette into the water.

You gasped. “Hey, those are not cheap!”

It was her turn to smile then. “I know.”

You huffed. “Between this and Mike’s pills, I think you can be considered an environmental terrorist.”

Her smile faltered. “He told you about the pills?”

You nodded slowly, humming. “Mike tells me everything,” you said with a smile.

You paused, your mind returning to the night that he arrived limping and with several superficial wounds and scratches, and with a trembling Abby beside him.

“Almost everything,” you thought out loud.

Vanessa looked at the glistening water. “What makes you say that?”

You scoffed. “Come on. Something happened to him in that old pizzeria, and he won’t speak about it. Neither will Abby.”

You looked at her. She shifted uncomfortably under your gaze.

“And I’m assuming you won’t, either.”

She cleared her throat.

“It’s…” She paused for a moment, thinking of what to say. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just something I shouldn’t be the one to tell you.”

You sighed, looking towards the water again. “Called it.”

You two stayed silent for a moment before you spoke up again. “How did you find me anyway?”

Vanessa sighed, rubbing her forehead with one hand.

“Oh,” you breathed out. “Of course.”

Mike had told her to find you.

“He's your brother, Y/N,” she said softly. “I'm sure he only wants what's best for you.”

You felt a twinge of annoyance.

"Yeah sure..." you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. "He's always known what's best for me. Like when he convinced me to leave my job so I can stay home and be a housekeeper.”

Vanessa's brows furrowed. “He did?”

You sighed. “It's… more complicated than that, but… that's how it feels.”

A beat passed in silence.

“I know he's doing it because of Garrett,” you murmured. 

“Doing what?” Vanessa asked carefully.

“This. All of this…” You sighed. “Not letting Abby hang out with her new friend, convincing me to stay home and take care of her...”

She watched you intently, waiting for you to continue.

“I can't go out at night, he's constantly barging into our rooms, I can't date anyone,” you sighed, and she seemed to understand, her expression softening.

Slowly, Vanessa reached out to you, putting her hand on your shoulder.

"I understand that Mike can be overprotective at times, I can't deny that,” she said softly. "I know it must suck not being able to go anywhere or do anything without him always checking on you..." she sighs, looking you in the eyes empathetically. "But we both know he just wants to protect you, even if he’s doing it in the wrong way. He loves you dearly.”

You avoid her gaze, your eyes focusing on the grass underneath you.

“It's worse with me.”

“Why do you say that?”

You smile bitterly. “Because apparently, I’m the only one who looks just like Garrett.”

Silence.

“I–” She began but cut herself off.

“I just wish,” you continued, “he could just try to move on. At least now he's aware it wasn't his fault, but,” you took a deep breath. “I feel like he's still stuck trying to be a protector instead of just being our brother.”

Vanessa stayed silent, and you were grateful for that. You didn’t feel like hearing fake reassurances while talking about Garrett or his disappearance.

“Every time we try to talk about it, it just turns into an argument,” you whispered

“And why's that?” Vanessa squeezed your shoulder. You felt your heart flutter at the gesture.

“I guess… because we're both too stubborn to hear each other out,” you chuckled tiredly, running your hands through your hair. 

Vanessa opened her mouth, but you interrupted her.

“I fucked up today,” you turned to face her. “I kind of… blamed him for Garrett's disappearance.” 

Vanessa seemed shocked by this. Then she sucked in her breath between her teeth.

“That's–”

Your expression turned bitter as you felt your face flush in shame. 

“I know, you don't have to tell me.”

You hid your face in your hands. “He seemed so distraught, so hurt, I can't… I can't stop thinking about it.”

You felt your nails dig into your scalp. “I can’t stop thinking about the pain in his eyes, I can’t unsee the way he just… shrank.” 

Carefully, Vanessa rested her hand on your back, and when you didn't protest, she started rubbing small, comforting circles.

You feel a knot form in your throat.

“I…” you swallowed. “I remember it. The day he disappeared.”

A pause.

“I remember it so vividly,” you huffed a self-deprecating laugh. “I sprayed almost the whole bottle of ketchup on my sweater. Mom guided me to the tent so I could change,” a shaky breath slipped from your lips, and you felt her stomach churn.

The dread, the fear you felt that day would never leave your system.

“Next thing we knew, Mike was running and yelling, desperate. You closed your eyes, the memories flooding your mind.

“Mom, Dad! Help, they took him! They took Garrett!”

You stayed with your eyes closed for a few seconds, as Vanessa kept rubbing your back reassuringly.

“Did you know I had a brother?” She began.

“Really?” You asked with surprise in your voice.

“Mhm,” you could hear her smile in her voice, “we used to be really close. He was always looking out for me.”

“What happened to him?”

Her hand stopped. You tensed up.

“He… disappeared. Many years ago. Just like Garrett.”

You pulled slightly at your hair. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…”

“It's okay,” she said in a solemn voice, but with a small, resigned smile on her face.

“Why are you telling me this?” You finally faced her again.

“Because you can never take your family for granted. You shouldn’t say hurtful things to each other, and if it happens, you should let it cool off and then talk about it, not run away.”

Oh, now she was scolding you.

“I didn't–” you cringed. “Mike asked me to–”

She giggled. Giggled.

“I'm not saying it only because of you. Mike needs to understand that you're an adult now, that he won't always be able to protect you.”

Your eyes lit up. “Will you help me, then? Will you talk to him?”

Vanessa shook her head. “No, Y/N. You two need to sit down, talk, and finally start listening to each other.” She gave you a small smile.

You sighed, nodding. 

“Come on,” she said, standing up, shaking the dirt off her jeans, “I'll take you home.”

She extended her hand, and you took it without thinking twice.

Vanessa parked her car in front of your house, sighing softly before turning off the engine.

She looked at you, and after a few seconds, you met her gaze.

“You know,” she smiled, “I’m pretty sure you two can actually come to an agreement.”

You huffed, “That’s easier said than done.”

You pushed the car door open.

“Wait,” she said, holding onto the back of your jacket. You stayed still.

“I mean it, Y/N,” she gave you a soft look. 

“Just talk to him. No yelling, not arguing,” you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, “talk. Really talk…”

You stared at each other momentarily before she let go of your jacket.

“Hear him and… make him hear you,” Vanessa added, a whisper more than anything.

You nodded, climbing out of the car, and closing the door.

She lowered the window. “Good luck, I guess,” she smiled.

You felt your heart speed up. Was this really the end of it? Would she only speak to you when Mike asked her to? So she was just being nice, right?

You swallowed. “Yeah… Well.”

You felt heat rising up your neck, reaching your cheeks. Shame.

“Thanks for the ride, by the way,” you scratched the back of your neck, trying to get rid of the sensation.

“No problem.”

You nodded, and just as you were about to push the front door open, Vanessa called your name and you practically rushed to the car window. “Yes?”

Vanessa let out a breathy laugh and you almost melted on the spot. She opened the glove compartment and took out a notebook and a pen.

She started to write something down. 

“In case you and Mike keep having trouble…” She trailed off as she handed you the paper, which had a phone number written on it. 

You raised your gaze to meet hers. “If it doesn’t work out, you can call me and I can give you some advice,” she grinned at you. 

“And if it does?”

"Maybe we can go for a coffee, then?"

“I don’t like coffee,” you blurted out, feeling your cheeks warm up.

Vanessa's smile grew wider at your reaction and she chuckled softly. "Well, how about tea then? Or maybe we could just go for a walk instead?"

Her tone was playful and her smile was contagious, making it impossible for you to stay embarrassed for long.

You stayed silent, not sure how to respond. All you knew was that it was supposed to be cold outside at this time of the year, but you were sweating.

Vanessa shook her head, still smiling, and her playful tone turned into a sincere one. “We don’t have to if you don’t want–”

“I want to,” you interrupted her. “I do.”

She seemed to perk up. 

“I’ll call,” you said, without a doubt. “I promise.”

Vanessa gave you a soft smile before turning the car on, and slowly drive out of sight.

You sighed, turning to push the door open, and to your surprise, Mike was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, and Abby peeking at you from behind him, smiling.

He met your gaze, and against all odds, he smiled at you. “I guess we need to talk.”

You smiled at him. “Yeah,” you looked down at the small piece of paper in your hands and swallowed. “Yeah. We do.”

Mike sighed, gesturing for you to come inside.

“So you heard all of that?” You said in a weary voice, and Abby giggled.

Mike shook his head. “Maybe we should eat first, I’m about to pass out.”

Right, you still hadn’t had dinner. Your stomach grumbled.

As you followed your brother into the dining room, you had the sensation that maybe, just maybe, things would be alright.

A/N: Reblogs are not only appreciated but also encouraged. Reblogs are what keep the fandom going.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA - me and my bestfriend (bsf) of six years recently got into a 2 week long argument and at this point have stopped talking. First i need to provide some back ground of the situation. Last November i became friends with “J”. This itself caused some arguments because they have similar names and sometimes i’d slip and call bsf, J, on accident and would immediately apologize. After a couple times of this happening she got really upset but i explained i’d been doing the same to J and she seemed to be less upset about it.

In the beginning of January, J and her bestfriend “E” got into some pretty serious drama where information from both sides never matched up but i’d known and used to be friends with E for a while. He is not a great guy speaking from past experience. (he constantly talks about how he’s a narcissist very proudly) He was claiming they had slept together and was telling all of his friends about it. She was saying they hadn’t. These rumors had been going around for months about them but had died down until this. the problem is i believed J but bsf was close with E and sided with him. I’d like to make a note through this entire situation neither me or bsf played any roll in it to my knowledge. this was just between E and J. Later on i found out they had slept together from J and asked why she had said they hadnt she said it was an agreement between the two of them that they wouldn’t say anything to anyone else because of the rumors people were already spreading about them being together. But once she found out it was definitely him telling people this time she told me the truth. yeah they had slept together then he forced her to take a plan B even though he knew she was on birth control and they’d used a condom. then ghosted her and pretended not to know her when asked by Js twins sisters best-friend.

Now it’s about 3 weeks ago where i posted two separate story’s saying how much i loved J and her sister and the other about how much i love bsf. about 10 minutes later bsf texted me “just delete this.” i of course asked why but she never responded so i took it down like she asked. later that day she reply’s to a text i had sent her the day before saying “nothing much just wishing i was hanging out with you” she replied “right.” at this point i’m genuinely confused what’s happening i had a feeling it was about J somehow because every time i posted about J it would be the one thing she didn’t like or comment on and she would get annoyed when i’d mention some thing me and J had done recently. i immediately replied with “of course, i love hanging out with you. your my best friend” A couple hours later she send me a three paragraph message saying how she didn’t think that anymore because i was ignoring everything she was telling me about what E was saying. That i was only taking J’s side and always talking about what J was saying about her side. She said I was using her as a separate option that if J couldn’t hang out i would call her. etc at the end of the message she told me she would never make me choose but that she will never trust anything J says. (they’ve literally never met or talked the only thing she hears about J is through E or me) she ends it with do whatever you want to do but don’t do anything for me. keep being friends with her idk i’m keeping my distance from all that. I replied with a message basically saying that she wasn’t the second option, i wasn’t sure who to trust, and that i try to avoid talking about the situation with J. we go back and forth with her apologizing for how she’s acting then getting mad about me not just believing her over everything else i’m being told. Then she tried to claim she never said J was wrong but that she knows she’s lied to me (the thing i mentioned in the first paragraph is the only time she’s lied to me) that she never picked a side and that she can’t believe how hurt she feels when “i’m supposed to be her bestfriend” i brought up the fact that i had asked her more than once if me being friends with her bothered her and she always said no. That this wouldn’t have exploded like this if we could have talked it out before. she took that as me saying this was all her fault.

A couple days later she messages me asking to talk in person i say when and where but she just send me a message about her feelings anyways again apologizing for how she’s acting and that she felt i wasn’t listening to her but it hurt more to lose me etc but continuing to say she doesn’t think i should be friends with J but it’s my choice. I reply i was listening but i think we were both just trying to find the facts in a situation we will never really know who was lying 100%. but i made a point in the massage to say i wasn’t going to stop being friends with J and that i didn’t understand why me and bsf relationship was so affected by me and J’s. She gets mad again bringing up a hate account that was made claiming J had made it but J had shown me that she hadn’t and it was investigated by our school who also said she didn’t do it. that it was my choice to be friends with her but that i don’t understand how it’s affecting her and that it wasn’t fair. at this point i was really mad because it really felt like she was trying to force me to choose between them two in a way. i replied saying she hadn’t made the account and said i don’t think J is the reason we stopped talking and that i feel like she was making me choose even though she was saying she wasn’t. she then replied saying she didn’t make me choose but that i had chose J over her and “that i guess you though she needed more attention” (yeah maybe because J is not mentally handling this well at all and your fine because your not actually involved with this drama) i didn’t reply to her but about another week later i texted her “i just want to be friends with both of you. why can’t i do that” she replied i understand but i don’t think you should be friends with she’s not a good person but hope your having fun it’s all i wanted for you. that’s the end of the messages at this point.

TLDR : (do we do those here??) bestfriend of three years stopped talking to me because i became friends with another girl who later got into drama with best friends close friend E (A PROUDLY SELF PROCLAIMED NARCISSIST I MIGHT ADD)

What are these acronyms?

[kanmom51]

Feels appropriate today, doesn't it?

cr./@abtjikook

Did we mention that 8 July was 2800 days count from 8 November 2015?

And today we have the book spoilers.

I have sinned, I admit it. Could not wait to next week for my book to arrive and went and read the spoiler pages.

The way they talk about that trip.

We get confirmation that it was ever ONLY about the two of them.

We get confirmation that this trip meant EVERYTHING to them.

Not like we didn't know that already. But it's nice to hear it once again from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

The joy JK got from those little supposedly insignificant moments. Staying up all night because JM was looking through his phone, walking the streets and JM's feet hurting.

Do we see the connecting thread here?

Well, beyond it all being about the one person he also made the star of his creation - JM.

It's all about the mundane!!

They got to be a couple. Alone. Outside of their idol lives. Well, tried their best. And the gift of anonymity with their Halloween costumes. This was just what they needed.

So this trip, it wasn't about a start of a relationship (let's be real, they were 2 years into the relationship at that point). This trip was about them trying to be 'normal' human beings, a 'normal' couple, doing the 'normal' things couples do. No security, no managers, no fans (well they wanted that). Just being themselves together doing the mundane.

All of this isn't happening in a vacuum either. It's happening when they are struggling with their fame and life decisions (some of which were made when they were very very young).

Mundane.

A word I mentioned before too.

Because that's what gave them joy in this trip.

Because discovering that everything you felt for each other also survives that test, the test of being a 'regular', 'normal' couple. That is EVERYTHING.

Take all of that and add the effort that JK went to with arranging the trip. Paying for it. The timing (just almost their 2 year anniversary), the room number choice.

So yes, we get the significance of GCFT. And the significance of it's release date: 8/11/2017.

Do we remember JK's excitement one GCF Tokyo was uploaded?

Almost 6 years on, reading those lines, and JK's choice for GCFT kind of hits you hard, doesn't it?

I woke up pissed off today And lately everyone feels fake Somewhere, I lost a piece of me Smoking cigarettes on balconies But I can't do this alone Sometimes I just need a light If I call you on the phone Need you on the other side So when your tears roll down your pillow like a river I'll be there for you I'll be there for you When you're screaming, but they only hear you whisper I'll be loud for you But you gotta be there for me too But you gotta be there for me too Last year took a toll on me But I made it with you next to me Around the world and back again I hope you're waiting at the end But I can't do this alone Sometimes I just need a light If I call you on the phone Need you on the other side So when your tears roll down your pillow like a river I'll be there for you I'll be there for you When you're screaming, but they only hear you whisper I'll be loud for you I'll be loud for you I got you, I promise But let me be honest Love is a road that goes both ways When your tears roll down your pillow like a river I'll be there for you But you gotta be there for me too But you gotta be there for me too Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Said, I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you But you gotta be there for me too But you gotta be there for me too

And then you take Letter

Baby, don't leave, just stay with me, yeah To you who saw me greater than my little self (to you) So that I can only deliver as much as I received (Uh-oh) So that I can keep my word (Uh-oh) Don't worry, just stay by your side, yeah Because I don't know what days awaits us (Yeah) I'm scared even though it looks like it (Uh-oh) Don't forget to always say "together" (don't forget)

JM's reply?

I absolutely adore these young men.

I am still to read the book. Can't wait. I'm sure there will be more to add. But at this point, from the few pages shared, I think it's also safe to say that 2018 issues were not about their relationship. Far from it.

They were struggling with themselves. Adjusting to stardom. As much as they wanted the success, as much as they wanted it all, when that dream became a reality is when it hit them that being a star, being famous, being successful, it comes with a price. And that price is at times hard to accept, hard to digest, hard to adjust to and to some impossible to live with. And that is what they were going through. What next? How far? How long? How much? Is this what I really want to do with my life? What price? Is it worth the price? Each of them dealing with it in their own way. JM and JK there for each other, helping each other through it all.

[iam93percentstardust]

It's not just the commodification of fandom. It's not just the disinterest in wips in favor of completed stories. It's not just the unwillingness to take chances on new writers.

It's the demand for instant gratification too.

I'm posting a "wip" right now. It's actually a fully completed story, and I stated that in the A/N when I started posting it a few weeks ago. I finished writing it early in December. It's not going to be abandoned and discontinued. Short of a tragic accident, it will 100% be posted in its entirety before the end of January.

It's also almost 60k words long. Each chapter is approximately 14k words. That's a lot to expect people to read quickly, so I made the decision to post weekly instead of dumping it all at once. I don't normally do that for wips. I normally post bimonthly to give myself time to write the next chapter. But in concession to the fact that this one is already finished, I decided to post once a week. Could I have posted it all at once or even once a day? Sure, but again, I have more than a few close friends who are slow readers, and I thought it was better to give people the time to read each chapter and let it digest before dumping another one on them instead of making them feel like they have to read it immediately so they don't miss the next update.

This, apparently, was a mistake.

I've been very open about working on this fic since I started it in September. People told me they were excited to get the chance to read it every time I posted an update about where I was in the writing process. When I announced that I was posting it, they told me that they couldn't wait to read it. It's not like I was expecting massive numbers of kudos and comments; this fandom has shrunk in size and engagement, I'm not the most popular writer in it, and I try not to feel entitled to engagement, but considering all the people telling me they were excited for it, I was expecting something.

Instead it was crickets. All those people who were so excited and told me they couldn't wait to get home to read it? That was the last I heard from them, unless it was to express outright incredulity that I expected them to read a work in progress. "It's not a work in progress!" I protested. "I'm just taking a little longer to post it!" Yeah, but it's not posted all in one go, so why should we bother to read it? We'll just wait until the end of January once it's finished. "Will I hear from you then? Will I get any indication at all that you liked it?" Eh, maybe. If we feel like it. But it'll only be one comment at the very end. If that.

This keeps happening. If it's not an already completed chaptered fic that I'm posting over time instead of immediately, then it's an idea that I had first talked about a while ago but took a couple months to write only to be met with silence once I start posting because everyone moved on and forgot about it. If it's not ready to go right now in all its fully finished glory and all 60k words posted immediately after I first spoke about it, then why am I talking about it at all? Why should I expect people to be waiting in anticipatory eagerness?

I remember when I posted my first Christmas event fic in 2020. It was already finished too when I started posting it. I'd been talking about it all year. People had seemed really excited for it when I first mentioned it, but then interest seemed to die out somewhere around August. By the time I started posting it in late November, I was fully convinced that no one was going to read it. I actually posted the first chapter and then immediately turned my computer off and didn't let myself turn it back on until the next day.

I was shocked by the number of readers I had. The number of comments. The sheer amount of people telling me they'd been waiting on tenterhooks for me to post that first chapter. And it kept coming. People were talking and theorizing and marking their conversations with spoiler bars for anyone who hadn't read the latest chapter. People timed when I posted the first few chapters so they could be waiting by their computer for when I dropped the next one. I was randomly gifted art. It was really an event, and I'll always be grateful for the support and community I was given for that month.

I never believed I'd ever be able to capture that kind of readership again, and I was right, and that's okay. But when I posted last year's Christmas event fic, for the first time since I started doing this in 2020, someone asked me why I bothered to space it out over a month instead of just posting the entire thing in one go on Christmas Day and how could I possibly expect them to be that invested for an entire month instead of just waiting until it was finished. I didn't know how to tell them that only three years prior, that's not only exactly what people did but they were excited for it to be like that.

If I'm not going to post my already completed fic in one lump sum right now, then the audience for it is nonexistent. And the audience won't grow once it's finished. It's like I have one opportunity to capture the readers and if they weren't willing to take the chance on the first chapter, then they'll never come back. It's disheartening, to say the least. Only six months ago, I was telling a friend that I thought this was my forever pairing, that I'd still be writing for this ship when I was old and grey. And now I'm going through my ideas folder, wondering what can be repurposed for other ships, because I increasingly feel not just that I'm shouting into a void but that the void is actively ignoring me.

I can't post wips because what if I abandon them or take too long to update? I can't post a chaptered fic in one go because that's too many words to expect people to read. But I can't space out posting completed chaptered fics either because everyone wants the instant gratification of the full fic right now. So what am I supposed to do?

I miss December 2020, but it's not the random art that I miss or the kudos or the number of comments. It was the community that built up around this fic. It was knowing that it was okay to space out the chapters because everyone was still right there with me, talking and theorizing and using their spoiler bars. It was my audience trusting me enough to come along with me for the ride instead of waiting for me to be done. I was so scared back then that the full year between me first talking about the idea and posting the first chapter had lost me my audience, scared that they'd all forgotten about me and moved on to other authors who were quicker to post, but I wish I'd known that three years later, it would only take four months for people to lose interest in an idea.

I'd have treated December 2020 like it was way more special than I did.

[knoxvillesjackass]

hello! I had an idea of No Nut November with Johnny x female reader. The jackass guys all dare each other to do it and the winner couple is who lasts the longest. When his girlfriend finds out, she keeps teasing him and it all ends in smut!! Love your stories!! ❤️

𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 - 𝐣.𝐤

im so happy to finally see a smut request!! pls, send some more, because i want to get better at writing it! also, do you guys enjoy reading it or do you like fluff and/or angst better?

warnings! edging, oral sex dom!johnny x sub!reader? ( reader receiving and giving), dirty talk, very dirty hihi

words; 3.375

It was bizarre. Annoying, really. You’d given him every opportunity in the world to rail you, blow your back out and make you incapable of walking for the day…All of your attempts were shut down, which was new for you.

Usually, all you had to do was send the smallest signal to Johnny, and he would be ready at any time, but the past two weeks had been different.

He’d been avoiding you, it seemed. He only kissed you when he left for work, and he’d even slept on the couch for some nights.

You’d been left confused and a little hurt by it all. Had you done something wrong, or was he perhaps just not attracted to you anymore?

The thoughts killed you, but it killed him even more. If it hadn’t been for that stupid bet….

“A month without sex? You’ve gotta be shitting me,” Johnny shook his head as the room erupted in laughter, but he was totally serious.

He couldn’t believe that he was the only one objecting to this nonsense. The concept was idiotic and frankly childish.

Steve-O had been the one to bring it up during lunch break. Everyone had shrugged it off, but as the tension grew thicker throughout the day, everyone suddenly began to take it very seriously, Johnny included.

So, as stupid as he thought it was, Johnny was knee-deep in the ‘No Nut November’ phenomenon, even though he hated the idea.

You and Johnny had sex a lot. No shame in that. Just two adults, who loved each other very much. What Johnny did feel off about, was that all of his friends knew just how much sex you had. How? Well, at every given chance to escape the craziness of the crew, the two of you did. And you didn’t do it to have conversations and drink tea. No, you did it to fuck.

Johnny had been labelled as the guy to fail the quickest, and it didn’t sit right with him one bit.

Luckily for him, his self-control was a different ball game. He had more control than all of the jackass guys combined. If there was a will, there was a way, and Johnny never let himself down once he had a goal.

“Oh, y-you’re participating?” Steve-O asked Johnny, who shrugged and nodded. “Yeah,” he huffed, and the room once again erupted in laughter, this time, it sounded more ridiculing than anything.

“What?” He asked confused and scoffed as he stared back at his wide-eyed friends. “Dude, you’re not going to last for two days,” Pontius grinned, Johnny returning a simple growl. “Let’s just fucking see, shall we?”

-

“Hi, baby!”

You grinned excitedly as Johnny entered your shared apartment. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, furrowing your eyebrows at once when you didn’t feel him embracing you.

“Are you okay?” You asked and unwrapped your arms around his waist, looking up at him innocently. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine, Y/N, I’m just tired. Think I’m gonna go take a shower,” he commented, his eyes focused straight ahead and not down at you.

“Oh, okay. Well, I could join,” you smirked and winked at him, but he merely shook his head and smiled politely before disappearing to the bathroom.

Well, that sucked, you thought.

He was probably just tired. He’d been working long hours, and maybe all the man needed was some space.

You’d attempted to be the understanding girlfriend, even when you felt ignored by Johnny.

The first few days went by okay, although the hours seemed to get longer as the days went by. The week overall was manageable but when the second week struck, Johnny was beginning to struggle.

The day of your anniversary, you'd made everything really special for Johnny. Dressed up nice, cooked some good food, and made the bathtub the perfect place to end the night, together.

When he'd come home, he'd acted just as you'd feared.

Distant and seemingly blind to the effort you'd put into making your fourth anniversary a special one.

The dinner was awkward and you hated the tension. You broke the silence every minute, asking him questions to which he answered with simple and short sentences.

"I have a surprise for you," you smirked. Maybe what he needed was some extra spice, and that was what you were going to give him.

"A surprise?" He asked as he was washing the dishes. He jumped when he felt your arms snake around his waist. Johnny moved away and coughed. His boxers were starting to feel tight, uncomfortably tight.

You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bathroom. You'd scattered rose petals on the floor and lit some candles. It was the most romantic bathroom you'd ever seen, but Johnny didn't seem to agree.

"O-Oh, Y/N," Johnny coughed nervously and slowly backed out of the bathroom.

"Did I do something wrong? Are you trying to punish me or something? Please, tell me what's going on!"

"No, Y/N-"

"Then why won't you FUCK ME?" You shouted and sniffled. Johnny's heart tore a bit. He wanted to tell you, he really did, but with the mood and how you were feeling, it didn't seem as if it would've been a massive help in his eyes.

The next days were rough. You were upset, understandably. Johnny continued his odd behaviour and you were just about done with it all.

“Just tell me now; when did you give in and how was it?”

Bam stood like a little child next to Johnny and giggled, but Johnny rolled his eyes underneath his sunglasses and sighed.

“I haven’t given in yet, and I’m not going to, so you might as well quit bothering me.”

Bam scoffed at the answer he got from Johnny, but he hadn’t expected much else, considering Johnny’s recent behaviour.

He was in a pissy mood. He was at conflict with himself at all times. The whole dare had transformed into something beyond his control. He was so competitive, sometimes it scared people.

Johnny sat down in the conference room, where the crew held their weekly meetings. He cursed to himself and looked around. Pontius, Steve-O and Jeff sat and looked at him with smug grins.

“How’re you holding up over there, Knoxville?” Jeff asked, to which he received a middle finger from Knoxville.

“It’s been a long time since I've seen Y/N around? When is she coming by again?" Pontius pouted. Just the thought of your name at this point, could get Johnny hot and bothered.

"I-She's not," Johnny mumbled and rubbed his sweaty forehead. Was it just him, or was it starting to get super hot?

"That's weird. I talked to her this morning. She said, she's dropping by to say hello," Jeff said and immediately, Johnny tensed up.

"What?" He asked. He hated to even think it, but you were the last person he needed to see now.

"Y/N!" Wee-man yelled as soon as he saw your figure in the doorway.

Johnny hid his face in his hands as soon as he heard your voice. He imagined you saying his name, moaning it, screaming it.

"Hi, guys," you smiled and entered the conference room, greeting all of the guys with a hug, moving your way around the table until you reached Johnny. "Hi, babe," you smiled and leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips, although he moved away almost immediately.

You scoffed and stood up. What had you expected? He'd only been treating you like that for the last two weeks.

"Well, I can see that I'm not wanted here," you mumbled but were quickly met with reassurance from everyone but Johnny.

"Why would you think that?" Jeff asked, "we love having you here, Y/N."

"You might, but I think Johnny feels a bit different," you hissed and glared at Johnny, who slapped his forehead.

Suddenly, Ehren began laughing hysterically, to everyone's surprise. "Wait, you haven't told her yet?" He grinned and the boys slowly caught on and joined Ehren's laughing fit.

Johnny was so not having it. His fists were curled and his jaw was clenched. And you, you were utterly confused as to what was going on.

"Told me what?"

You raised your eyebrow and looked down at Johnny, who refused eye contact at all costs, the guilt weighing him down like uranium.

"We dared each other do the no nut Novem-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," you said and cut Ehren off. You were quiet for a few moments, trying to assemble yourself before speaking up.

"You wanna explain yourself, asshole?" You spat and looked down at Johnny, who sighed and looked up at you.

"Y/N, I'm so so-"

"Do you guys know how long it's been since I've had sex with my boyfriend?" I asked into the room and the guys all chuckled.

Of course, they knew. They were a part of it too, after all.

"Two weeks!"

It didn't sound like a lot, but anyone who knew you and Johnny understood that this was totally out of the ordinary.

"You're telling me I have to wait two weeks before he can bang me? How many of you guys are still in this bullshit?" You asked loudly to which Pontius, Jeff, Ehren and Wee-Man's hands went up.

"Fuck this," you sighed. You knew just how competitive Johnny was. Nothing could get in his way. Literally nothing, but then again, if anyone had the slightest chance, it was most definitely you.

-

"Y/N?"

You sighed at the sound of Johnny's voice.

Your fingers were curled inside of yourself as you lay spread across the bed.

You continued, although the sound of Johnny's footsteps came closer and closer.

You closed your eyes and began rubbing your clit, letting out a quiet moan.

"Y/N-fuck," Johnny breathed out when he walked in on you pleasuring yourself. His cock was throbbing at the sight of your naked body, but he denied all of those feelings and shuffled out of the room. The sight had made him hard as a rock.

"Johnny!" You called out. An idea had popped into your head.

He opened the door and peeked in. Your legs were spread open and they were trembling with anticipation.

"Huh?" He asked you. His eyes were almost closed. He couldn't bare to see more.

"Look, I know you're not allowed to cum or whatever, but I'm horny and I need your help," you stated and Johnny's eyes opened wide. You might be on to something, he thought.

Pleasuring you always brought Johnny pleasure, he didn't even have to pull his dick out for this one.

He smiled and rushed over to you.

He wasted no time digging his two fingers into your cunt, plunging them in and out of your wet entrance. His head rested between your legs as his tongue made contact with your clit. You reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair. God, he loved it when you did that.

What he loved, even more, was the way his name sounded when you screamed it out of pure pleasure. "Fuck, Johnny!" You cried and grabbed his one hand that wasn't fucking your cunt and pulling it up to your breast, signalling for him to massage it, which he did, gladly.

Johnny smiled against your folds and licked them up and down, ever so often pinching your sensitive clit between his lips, which drove you crazy.

"I-I think I'm g-"

"Look at me, babydoll," he ordered and you followed, looking directly into his dark brown eyes. You couldn't contain the eye contact for long though, because your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you let out a loud cry as you reached your awaited orgasm.

You tugged at Johnny's hair and breathed in loudly, trying to gather yourself.

"J-Johnny, just fuck me already, please," you sobbed and looked at Johnny.

The offer was so tempting, but he just couldn't. He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his jeans tightening to the point of it being uncomfortable.

"O-Oh, shi-" he hissed and suddenly flew away from his position. You looked him up and down, eyes landing on the massive boner, he had packed. You held back an evil laugh as Johnny stormed out of the room. "Where are you going?" You yelled as you stood up from the bed.

"I-I'm just gonna go for a drive!" he yelled back and slammed the door. He wasn't angry with you, and you knew that. He was angry with himself. This bet was starting to get really fucking old.

The next days were seriously awful for Johnny. After helping you out, he realised that it might've been a bad idea.

The only thing on his mind was the feeling of your pretty cunt against his fingers and the sound of your screams still rang in his ears every now and then.

And you'd, of course, been making his life a living hell. Walking around naked in the apartment or dressing up in your sexiest lingerie.

Johnny kept himself together, though, and you had to give him credit. He'd handled it all very well, better than you ever could.

(random a/n; this same-ish story, but where the reader is dared?)

The end of November was just around the corner, thankfully. Sure, Johnny's hands were equivalent to magic, but nothing beat the feeling of his cock ramming into you.

You couldn't wait, quite literally. Johnny was so much better at staying committed to a dare than you. You needed him. Like, really needed him.

"Johnnyyyy," you whined and threw yourself at him like a little toddler,

He wasn't as sensitive as before. It seemed that the roles had taken a 180 because you were hornier than ever.

Johnny was sitting with his computer when you suddenly planted yourself in his lap and hugged him tightly.

"What's going on?" He asked and rubbed your back.

"I want it so badly," you whispered and bit your lip. Johnny stiffened up and shifted uncomfortably around on the couch. "Three days to go, Y/N," he comforted you, but that wasn't good enough. "No, but like, now," you said and reached down to straddle his cock. He let out a yelp and lifted you from his lap to the seat beside him as he stood up and paced around.

He was frustrated. It was really not fun anymore. Actually, it never was.

Johnny hurried to his phone and put the phone to his ear.

"Chris, you tell me now and be honest; who's still a part of this November bullshit?" Johnny asked. You smiled to yourself and crossed your fingers.

No one, please say no one.

You couldn't quite hear the rest of the conversation. You didn't really care either, because when Johnny came out, he had darker eyes and a wicked smirk on his lips.

"Go to the bedroom and take your clothes off. I'll be up in two minutes."

You squealed with excitement and ran up the stairs faster than ever.

You stripped out of your clothes and threw them to the side, feeling a knot in your stomach, waiting to be untied.

Johnny entered the room. He'd taken his shirt off on the way up the stairs.

"Get on your knees," Johnny ordered and you did so immediately and without protest of any sort.

The room was pretty dark, but you could still see Johnny's crooked smirk.

He approached you, stopping when he stood right in front of your kneeled figure.

He brushed some hair out of your face and cupped your cheeks as you stared up at him, batting your eyelashes.

He gathered your hair into a ponytail at the back of your head and tied it with the hair tie he had around his wrist.

"Fuck, I've missed your mouth," he moaned and unbuttoned his pants, not even bothering to pull them all the way down. And you were just as desperate to please him again, so without waiting any longer, you took a hold of his rock-hard length and gave it a few pumps. Johnny threw his head back when you put just the tip into your mouth. Impatient and understandably needy, Johnny skipped your slow tempo and grabbed the back of your head, pushing his cock into your mouth fully.

After four years of dating Johnny, your gag reflex was pretty much non-existent.

He began gently thrusting himself into your mouth and then sped up until you eventually could feel his tip at the end of your throat.

You watched with tears in your ears as your boyfriend had lost himself in you, thrusting himself into your mouth again and again until he was a mumbling, moaning mess, cumming down your throat.

You swallowed and Johnny watched you in admiration as he offered you his hand to help you stand up.

Your lips crashed together for the first time in weeks, and you moaned into the kiss when you reached the bed. Johnny put a hand behind your head and the other one on your back, slowly lowering you on the bed as he hovered over you with a hungry, lust-filled gaze.

You were merely wearing his t-shirt and a pair of old shorts, which Johnny quickly tore away, your underwear following. He pulled the shirt from over your head and admired your naked body for a while, before snapping out of his trance to return to his duty.

He began placing kisses down your chest but you pulled him up when you saw where he was going. You grabbed his hand and forced it down to your dripping cunt. "I don't need anything, I just want you to fuck me," you nodded and Johnny smiled. Foreplay was always a big thing in your relationship. It was a way to ensure that both parts were 100% ready, but there was no doubt in your mind; you were ready.

"You're still on the pill despite this stupid bet, right?" He asked and you nodded. He knew how bad you were at forgetting it, and he often scolded you for it.

"Good girl," he whispered raspily. That made your heart melt.

His tip was at your entrance, and you wondered if the three weeks had changed something within you. Was it going to hurt after that long with no sex?

You shook every thought off when Johnny placed a kiss on your forehead and slowly pushed into you.

"Ah-!"

Johnny looked at you with wide eyes. You apologised quietly.

"It must be because it's been a while," you said and Johnny nodded, understanding what you were feeling.

He continued pushing his member into you and watched you closely as you clenched your eyes shut and dug your nails into his wide shoulders.

He rested for a while, waiting for your sign to move, and when that sign came, he began pumping in and out of you slowly but deeply.

You grasped onto him and pulled him as close as possible while also wrapping your legs around his waist. "F-Faster," you moaned with closed eyes and Johnny grunted as he sped up, fucking you at an impossibly fast pace.

Everything seemed to go dull for a short moment. Your pussy clenched and your belly contracted tightly when a wave of pleasure hit you like a thousand bricks.

"I-Oh, my God!"

Your nails dug deeply into Johnny's back and you scratched them up towards his neck, where they rested, fiddling with the ends of his brown hair.

"Look at me, baby," Johnny ordered and continued his thrusts. You had to collect yourself before even listening to his orders, but Johnny was impatient and close to an orgasm, so he didn't have much time.

"Y/N, I said look at me," he repeated. The tone made you look at him immediately and you bit your lip and moaned loudly as you watched him orgasm for the second time that night.

"Fuuuck-urgh, baby!"

He trembled and with one last thrust, he pulled out of you and fell down beside you with a heavy but satisfied sigh.

"This November has been the best and worst of my life," you sighed and Johnny laughed in agreement as he kissed your forehead and snuggled you closer.

-

probably my favourite smut i've ever written, but what do you think?

[harry-on-broadway]

The Last Line: Part Five

Part Five

Word Count: 5.2K || Series Masterlist || Rating: M

***

“It’s perfect.” 

“Really?” Penny blinked. “You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m not,” Skylar said with a light laugh. “There are a couple of things we might want to move around, but this will be a very light edit. Great work, Penny.” 

“Thanks,” Penny said, still in a state of shock. “I didn’t think it would be that good. I mean, I didn’t even think about it while I was writing. It was…” she searched for the right descriptor. “Word vomit, as gross as that sounds.”

“We often produce our greatest works when we give ourselves the space to say what we want to say without self-censoring. I wanted the articles in this series to come from the heart and that’s clearly where you pulled this from, Penny. I should have edits to you later this afternoon and we’re well on track to publish it tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds good. I have a couple of calls but I can make time to review it this afternoon.” Penny paused on her way out of the room. “Thank you again. For giving me this opportunity. And for helping me. With everything.” She inhaled sharply, feeling tears prick in her eyes. 

“I’m lucky to work with an incredible person like yourself, Penny,” Skylar said. “Helping you, guiding you, it’s my pleasure.” 

Penny could feel the eyes of her newsroom on her during the brief walk back to her desk. In the weeks since her meltdown in the conference room, Penny’s coworkers had begun to treat with a newfound sense of respect. Darren had been asked to seek other work in its aftermath of the incident and Penny’s subsequent relationship with Skylar had the others viewing her as some sort of deity. 

“Well?” Chloe asked as Penny slid into her desk chair. 

“She loved it.”

“As I knew she would.”

“She said she thinks it’s going to run tomorrow morning.” 

“So soon! Amazing!”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think he’ll…?” Chloe didn’t need to finish her question. 

“I don’t know.” Penny swirled her straw in her cup, trying to get a sip of the vanilla syrup that had gotten trapped underneath the layers of ice and coffee. 

“Has he still been creeping?”

“Yes.” They hadn’t spoken since that night at her apartment and Harry continued to ignore every text and voicemail she left for him, but he was still lurking in her instagram stories. She’d started testing him, posting random and mundane shit like her morning coffee and the song she was currently listening to on Spotify. Regardless of whatever her story was, he was the first one to view it. 

“And do you think he’ll take the bait?”

“I hope so! Otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do. I just –” 

“Hey, it’s fine,” Chloe said, attempting to soothe Penny’s distress. “This is going to work. I promise you that.” 

Hours later, Penny’s Slack app chimed with a note from Skylar saying that edits were ready for her to review. As promised, her suggestions were minimal and Penny cleared them all within a half hour. She knew legal and design and all of the other departments involved would need to sign off on their end before it could be official, but by 8am tomorrow, her words would be out in the world. 

She didn’t know why she felt so nervous. She’s been through this hundreds of times before, but never had she shared something so personal with the hundreds (Or was it thousands?) of people who read the site everyday. It felt like she was giving a piece of her soul for public consumption. All in the hopes of winning back a man who never wanted to see her again. 

She sighed and closed her laptop. “I’m going to head out,” she said to no one in particular, earning a handful of half-hearted acknowledgements from those who were scattered around her. In her car, she opened one of the playlists Harry had shared with her and pressed play. Feeling the music wash over her, she pulled out of the garage and drove home preparing for the most nerve-wracking night of her life. 

***

August 17, 2019 

The Start of Something New 

By Penny Sanders 

This coming November will mark one year since I joined the staff at The Moment and four years since I accepted my first, official, grown-up journalism job. Ahead of these personal milestones, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to be a journalist, specifically one that covers the arts. 

One of the main tenets of being a good journalist is objectivity. You’re there to present the facts in an unbiased way, calling out injustices and holding truth to power. Everyone learns that in their freshman mass comm class. But what they don’t tell you is how that rule isn’t always so cut and dry. 

While I do a bit of everything when it comes to music coverage here at The Moment, my primary role has been that of a critic, reviewing concerts and albums and giving you my honest take on them. It’s a dream job for many, but it’s also one that has caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety over the years. 

I’ve struggled to be harsh (even when a well-pointed criticism is deserved). I’ve struggled to hone a voice, oscillating between gushing fan girl and hardened veteran to appear as if I know what I’m talking about. And I’ve been a victim of intense (at times almost debilitating) imposter syndrome, second guessing that my opinions and ideas are even worth sharing. 

But all that has changed in recent months as I’ve started to venture down a new professional path, chatting with and profiling newsmakers in this industry we all love. Sitting down for these interviews, I’ve always expected the cold formality that has long been associated with an industry presser – say your question and get your answer as quickly as possible, foregoing any sort of human interaction. Instead, what I found was a connection I never knew I had been looking for. 

Recently, I had a chat with an artist who shall go unnamed. I’d reviewed their work before, and while I might have been fair in my assessment of their music, I wasn’t necessarily kind, something that I didn’t realize the impact of until we had a chance to speak face-to-face in an informal setting. As we spoke about our respective writing processes, I had a realization. We were one in the same. We found our way to an industry where everyone speaks the same language, found a pack to call home, and were creating the art we always wanted to, even if it was on opposite sides of the line. That conversation, along with subsequent others, really put into perspective the fact that you can’t separate the personal and professional when it comes to art, as a piece of you will always live inside your creation. 

So, why am I rambling about this and forcing you to read it at 8am as you have your morning coffee? Because I’m making some changes starting today. 

You’ll still see me around town and on the website reviewing concerts and albums (like I’d ever give that up!), but I’ll be expanding my coverage area as well. I’ll be chatting with some of the biggest names in the industry, cutting through the scripted BS and having real, human conversations about the thing we love most: music. I’ll also be sharing more personal essays about my own thoughts and feelings on the business of the day in an effort to start a conversation with you, our readers. 

So, if you’re reading this (and hopefully you still are), what are you waiting for? Let’s chat. My schedule’s wide open. 

***

Penny jolted awake at 6am the next morning. She had a couple of hours before she’d be able to share her article and put her plan into motion, so she took her time getting ready, blasting an early 2000s pop punk playlist while she did her makeup and drank her coffee. At precisely eight, she opened up The Moment’s website on her phone, grabbing the link to her article before navigating to Instagram. 

She’d already preselected a photo – a throwback shot of her in one of her dad’s old concert tees, cheesing hard in front of a record store. She posted it to her story with a quick caption (Tried something new and got a little personal this morning) and a link to the piece. She watched the progress wheel fill as the story uploaded and when it was finished, she opened it again, instantly spotting Harry’s profile picture in the bottom left corner. 

Distraction was essential to the next phase of the plan, so she tossed her phone in her bag, grabbed a thermos of coffee, and started the drive into the office. She could feel her phone burning a hole in her canvas tote, but she ignored it until she was seated at her desk. Her mom and one of her college roommates had replied encouragingly, but there was nothing from Harry. 

Doug, the SEO coordinator, greeted her brightly as he made his way to his cubicle. “Already getting a lot of traffic on it. Great work!” 

“Thanks.” She checked her phone again. Nothing. 

There was an editorial meeting that morning, and then Skylar took her for a celebratory pastry from the bakery across the commons before Penny’s afternoon interview with a photographer. When she finally got to check her phone over lunch, there were tons of notifications, but as she scanned through them all there were none from Harry. In the middle of the afternoon slump, she saw an email come in from Jeff – it was a simple “Nice job!” Not the most encouraging thing, but if Jeff had read it, it was probably safe to assume Harry had as well. 

Tom messaged her a little while later, a long and meandering note professing how proud he was of her and how great it was. The most interesting tidbit came at the end though. I think you’ll be surprised by the impact this has. 

“What does that mean?” she asked, passing her phone to Chloe.

“I don’t know, that you’re the voice that will define our generation?”

“Be serious.”

“I honestly don’t know! On the surface, it seems like a general ‘this is going to resonate with a wide audience’ comment, but maybe on a deeper level he’s talking about…you know.”

“But that’s not your first instinct.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Damn it.”

“Pen, it’s OK. We know he saw your post and that’s a start. Maybe he hasn’t had time to sit and read it but will later today or something.”

“Maybe…”

That night as Penny left the office, her head was somewhere else, deep in a daydream of what it would have been like if her plan had worked. Harry would have been outside her door with a cup of coffee and a bouquet of flowers. There would have been a kiss and maybe a little something else, but most importantly she’d have her friend back. Her eyes were on the ground, so it was the loafers and socks that she saw first. 

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill me?” she yelped, her heart racing.

“I didn’t know how else to find you.” Harry stood sheepishly slouching against her car door, wide-leg trousers slung low on his hips, bowling shirt unbuttoned just a little too far. 

“You could have come inside the building for starters? Or texted me? I know your phone is still working Mr. Instagram lurker.”

“You knew that was me?”

“It was pretty fucking obvious to anyone that knows you. And we had a bunch of mutuals including Tom, Jeff, and Mitch.”

“Fuck, I thought I was being a little more low key.” 

“Sorry.” Penny shifted uncomfortably. “So-” She was interrupted by boisterous laughter from a group making their way to a group of cars one lot over. 

“Maybe we should go somewhere a little more private to talk?” Harry asked. “If you’re comfortable with that?”

“Um, yeah that would be great. Do you want me to drive?”

Harry nodded affirmatively. “I bummed a ride off of Jeff so I am currently without transport.”

“Jeff’s a good friend. I would have made you hitchhike.” 

Harry snickered as he opened the passenger door and slid in. 

“Do you mind if we make a stop?” Penny asked as she pulled out onto the main road. 

“Not at all.”

“Good. I have a tradition after I publish an article.”

“What’s that?”

“An In-and-Out milkshake. Do you want one?”

“Chocolate, please.” 

Penny cruised through the drive-thru, grabbing the milkshakes as Harry tried to go unnoticed beside her. Ice cream in hand, she continued driving until they made it back to her apartment. 

“This is about as private as it gets,” she said, stirring the thick liquid with her straw. “We can stay in the car if you’d prefer.”

“No, let’s go in.” 

Harry stayed two steps behind Penny as she climbed out of the car and unlocked her front door. He followed her lead, taking his shoes off and sitting down on the couch. He took a sip of his milkshake and Penny mirrored his action. Neither was sure who should be the first to speak. 

“I’m sorry,” Penny said, thawing the awkward chill that had settled between them. “I know that’s an empty word, especially between us, but I just need you to know that I regret how everything blew up. I have an explanation for it all but none of that matters when you were hurt by my actions.” She paused. “I really hope you forgive me, but I won’t ask you to, as what I did crossed a line.” 

“I forgive you.” Harry said without hesitation. “And I would like to hear your explanation for what it’s worth.”

“Oh-kay.” Penny shifted, tucking her legs under her and turning to look at Harry more directly. “So you know how I’ve been trying to mix things up at work, write some more serious pieces? Well, it just so happened that Tom gave me one on a silver platter when he mentioned you were working on a new album. My intent was just to break some news, get a scoop that could show my editors that I could do it. But then I got to know you and you were telling me things that would have made for an amazing story and I just got carried away. I made the wrong choice to keep taking notes and working on this hypothetical story. Then Darren –”

“The asshole.”

“Yes, the asshole. He got involved and it spiraled out of control and things got complicated because of….” Penny trailed off, searching for the right word. “Us.” Penny looked up at Harry. “It’s important to me that you know I would have never published anything you told me after all of that. I value you as a person more than any sort of splashy article.” 

Harry nodded slowly. His face was serene but his fingers were working overtime, twisting the ring on his finger at warp speed. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that but just seeing those notes you had…” He chewed on his lip and his eyes grew damp. “It used to be so hard to figure out when someone was using me and when someone just wanted me for me. But thankfully, I’ve become a pretty good judge of that. I thought you were one of the good ones so seeing that just made me really second guess not only what we had and how I felt about us but it made me question my judgment. Do any of my friends actually care about me? It was a rough time. I’m still working through some of that if I’m being honest.”

“I hate that I was the cause of that.” 

“It was bound to happen eventually so don’t be too hard on yourself,” he said with a wry laugh. 

“Well either way…I’m glad my selfish actions helped you grow? That feels weird to say.” Penny laughed. “Anyways, I’m happy we were able to clear the air. I much prefer talking to you face to face instead of watching you lurk on my Instagram stories.”

Harry laughed before placing his cup on the coffee table. “Speaking of talking…I actually did want to discuss something with you.” He cleared his throat.” “That night…the last time we saw each other…what you said? About why you couldn’t do that profile?”

“Mhmm.”

“What did you mean that you love me?”

Penny took a long sip from her drink, buying herself some time to think. “I hated you the first time we met and I don’t know why because I feel like you’re the only person to ever truly understand me. You know what I’m thinking before I say it, you see things in the same way as me, and you make me feel invincible. That day that you read that article that Darren killed…I felt so supported in a way that I haven’t really before, which is like weird to say because I have friends and family who care about me, but standing in that coffee shop with you holding my hand and telling me I was good at my job was something I never knew I needed. But once I had a taste of it, I knew I had to have it forever.” She finished speaking and looked at Harry, who had an indiscernible expression on his face. “That was a lot, I know but you–”

“Can I kiss you?” His voice was low, his question was tentative, and Penny couldn’t even be sure that was what he actually said, but she nodded anyway. At this point, she would have given him permission to do anything. 

He approached her carefully, as if any sudden move would scare her away, cupping the back of her head with his hand and drawing her closer to him. 

Their first kiss was nothing like Penny had imagined. In her dreams, she’d envisioned everything from a quick peck on the cheek after he walked her home, to a feverish, tongue laden precursor to fucking. In actuality, it was gentle, yet firm, and despite the simplicity of it, the gesture was charged with more emotion than any kiss she’d had before. She didn’t even realize how lightheaded she was until they broke apart and she found herself gasping for breath. 

She met Harry’s eyes and exhaled. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for that.” 

It was like the kiss had unleashed something lurking deep inside them both and Harry lunged towards her, pressing his lips against hers again and again and again, pushing her flat on the couch, the remnants of their milkshakes long forgotten. Penny tried to memorize every detail: the weight of his body against hers, the softness of his lips on hers, the silkiness of his hair as she ran her fingers through it. She tried to stay in the moment, but the sensation of his body rubbing against hers made it hard to not think about what would happen next. 

“Ow!” Her head bumped uncomfortably against the arm of the couch as she slid down further.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked, pulling back and checking her for any harm. His lips were swollen and his curls were disheveled. “What’s wrong?”

“I just bumped my head.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine. Just a little cramped here.” Penny swallowed. “My bed might be more comfortable. If you’d like to move there.” 

There was a heavy pause and Penny prayed she hadn’t misread the moment.  Harry’s eyes glazed over as he processed what she said. “Um, yeah, that’s great. Lead the way.” 

Penny breathed a sigh of relief as he climbed off of her and helped her stand, keeping his hand entwined with hers as they made the brief journey to Penny’s bedroom. She backed him up into the room, and Harry fell back on the bed. Penny climbed astride him, kissing him again and again and again, and she ground her center against his growing erection. 

They’d waited for what felt like forever, but when they had nothing but time in front of them, there was no need to rush, even as Penny felt herself grow wetter with touch and caress. As Harry sucked kiss after kiss from her lips, she realized she’d never really thought about how hot kissing could be. Maybe it was just that she’d never been properly kissed, something Harry was working hard to rectify. 

Harry wound his fingers in her hair gently pulling her head back to expose the column of her throat. He nipped at the sensitive skin, sucking a kiss from it before soothing the spot with his tongue. He repeated the process up and down her neck until his fingers fell to the hem of her shirt.

“Is it OK if I take this off?” he asked.

“Yes,” Penny said, guiding his hands as they pulled her t-shirt up and over her head. She unhooked her bra as he tossed the shirt aside. Her bra followed leaving her naked from the waist up. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, absentmindedly rubbing his fingers up and down her side as his eyes took in every piece of her. “Come here.” He pulled her close and started kissing every inch of skin he could see. “So fucking beautiful.” 

Penny shifted so one of Harry’s legs was nestled between hers, giving her the pressure she craved as Harry continued kissing her neck. After a few minutes she stopped him. “I’m going to take these off if that works?” she asked, gesturing to her jeans. 

Harry nodded. “I should probably do the same.” He pulled his shirt off in one fluid motion and pulled his pants and briefs down next. Penny couldn’t help but stare. 

“Stop it, I’m shy.”. 

“You’ve got nothing to be shy about,” Penny said, trying not to let on exactly how impressed she was with what she saw in front of her. 

Harry cleared his throat, and Penny couldn’t tell if the flush in his cheeks was a result of their activities or embarrassment. “Do you have a condom?” he asked. 

“Oh, yeah. There’s probably one around here somewhere.” Penny opened the drawer of her bedside table and dug through the mess. “That one is expired,” she said, tossing it to the waste basket. “And this one is….” she squinted to read the date. “Still good! We’re in the clear.” Harry laughed and it was her turn to blush. “What can I say, it’s been awhile since I needed one.” 

“No judgment as I’ve also been in a bit of a dry spell.” Harry took the condom from her and adjusted himself and Penny watched. She was still in shock that this was actually happening and was half convinced that she’d wake up from this dream any minute. 

“Penny?”

“Oh, sorry! Did you say something?”

“I just asked how you want to do this?” Harry asked. “What’s usually best for you?” 

“Oh…” Penny wasn’t sure if she’d ever had a partner ask her about her preference so directly, especially on the first hook up. She scoured her brain trying to think of what she actually liked and what wouldn’t be too intense for what could just be a casual hook up. “Um, usually just missionary is fine. But I also like to be on my knees occasionally.” She cleared her throat. “What about you?”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Penny, I think anything with you would get me across the finish line.” One look at his cock and she knew he wasn’t lying. She hopped up on the bed and got on her knees without a second thought. 

Penny could feel Harry lining himself up with her as she braced her hands against the headboard. It had been a minute since her bed had seen this much activity and she prayed the IKEA frame would hold up. Harry dragged his tip over her and she squirmed with the anticipation of what would happen next. The first thrust caught her off guard and she pitched forward. 

“Careful,” Harry said. His voice was soft, but its usual gentleness had been replaced by something harder. “Do you need me to stop?” 

“Please, no,” Penny panted. He’d reached a spot deep inside on just one thrust and she just needed a minute to adjust to him. The burn of him inside her was unmatched, the perfect combination of pain and pleasure. Harry had wrapped one arm around her waist holding her steady as she adjusted, lightly tracing abstract patterns over her skin. “OK, you can go,” she half whispered, half moaned.   

Harry anchored his hands on her hips as he thrust in and out in a painstakingly slow rhythm. It was torture – for the both of them – Penny presumed, and she felt the beginnings of an orgasm building inside of her. She could feel the pressure of his hand against her hip, knowing it would leave a bruise tomorrow, a thought that turned her on even more. Harry moved his hand up her body, settling on her breast and rolling her nipple as he increased the pace of his thrusts. It was all consuming, but Penny still needed more. She reached down to stroke her clit, the bud already tender and slippery with arousal. She was close, she could feel it. Just one more stroke and –. 

“Can we –?” Harry asked breathlessly as he attempted to flip Penny onto her back. “I want to see you. I need to see you.” Penny complied, her body pliant in his arms as he placed her gently on her back before ducking down for a deep kiss as he locked his fingers with hers. 

He pulled away and gently pushed inside of her, eyes not leaving hers. Even if she wanted to, Penny wasn’t sure she could look away. She was transfixed by what she saw in front of her. Harry’s skin and hair were damp from exertion, and the curls she’d been playing with earlier were pressed against his forehead. She could feel the tremble of his muscles and when she buried her nose in his neck, she got a whiff of the scent that could only be described as Harry. 

“Are y-you close?” Harry asked as his hips stuttered. 

“Yeah, I am.” 

“Can you come for me, baby? I need you to.”

It could have been Harry calling her baby or it could have been the feeling of him rubbing against her clit or it could have just been the intense passion she felt between them, but Penny pitched over the edge, moaning Harry’s name as she fell. 

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned, as he spilled into the condom. “That’s it. So fucking good.” 

He fell forward, resting his full weight on her as they lay there. He pressed kisses against every bit of skin his mouth could reach and she raked her fingers up and down his back and through his hair. Penny didn’t know how long they lay there like that but even when she felt their sweaty skin start to stick together she made no effort to move. 

She wasn’t letting Harry go ever again.  

***

When Penny woke up, Harry’s arm was heavy around her waist and she could feel his breath on her back. He radiated heat and despite the uncomfortable stickiness of the sweat that covered her, she made no effort to move. She had no idea how to define what had happened last night – and again in the early hours of the morning – but she knew she didn’t want this to be the end. 

She could feel Harry stir behind her and she carefully twisted around in his arms to sneak another look at him. He was so peaceful when he slept, his hair a tangled mess on the pillow. He snored lightly, almost like a whistle, and he was most definitely a cuddler. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, lulled back to sleep by the gentle rhythm of Harry’s breathing, only to be jolted awake by the sound of her alarm. 

Harry slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the faint light that was trickling in through the curtains. He looked around, getting his bearings before smiling at Penny as she silenced the alarm.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I usually don’t have to worry about waking anyone else up.” 

“It’s not a problem,” he slurred, his voice still thick with sleep. “Should probably be getting up now anyways.” 

“You could stay for breakfast,” Penny offered, hoping she wasn’t misreading the situation. “I make a mean egg and cheese and have beans from the coffee shop down the block.” 

“I’d love nothing more than that.” Harry leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips, before rolling over to grab his phone. The gesture felt so normal, as if he’d done it every morning. 

“Shit,” he laughed. “I’m going to have a lot to explain today.”

“What’s wrong?”

He angled his phone so that Penny could read the screen. It was filled with messages from Tom, Tommy, and Jeff. “I told them I was planning to see you and they were very supportive of that decision. I think they’ll be thrilled with this development.” 

“Which is…?” Penny asked, testing the waters. 

“Us being together.” Harry’s eyes widened at Penny’s noticeable silence. “Unless I’ve completely misread this.” 

“No, no, no.” Penny leaned over to kiss him. “I want that. Us, I mean. I just didn’t think you’d want me after everything.” 

“You’re absolutely insane for thinking that, Penny. I’ve been waiting my entire life for you and I’m not letting you get away again.” Penny reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly, knowing that there were no words she could say to accurately convey how she felt in that moment. “Now come on,” Harry said. “You mentioned something about a breakfast sandwich?” 

Harry looked perfectly at home in her kitchen as she directed him on where to find the ingredients for their breakfast. They moved through the small space as if executing a perfectly coordinated dance routine neither of them had been taught, before sitting down at Penny’s table to eat together. 

“What do you have planned for today?” Harry asked. 

“Well, I’m going to go to work and then I’m going to head home.”

“No shows?”

“Not tonight.”

“Well,” Harry said, dabbing the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “I would like to take you out. On a proper date. Could I pick you up at the office? Say around six?”

“It’s a date,” Penny said, smiling from ear to ear.

When the breakfast dishes had been washed and dried and Harry had donned his clothes from the night before, they lingered by the front door, not wanting to say goodbye. 

“A kiss for the road?” Harry asked. Penny stood on her tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I’ll see you later then,” he said, unlocking the door. 

“Harry?” she asked, suddenly bashful. “You don’t have to answer, but what made you give me another chance?” He was so quiet, she wasn’t sure he had heard her. 

“It was your article,” he finally said, turning back to look at her. “You got me with the last line.” 

***

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has read this far and has stuck with this story despite its infrequent updates. This one was really personal for me to write so I greatly appreciate all of the ten people who have read this. 🫶🏻 Would love to hear what you think of the end!

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taglist: @harrysfolklore​ @platinumbarbie143​ @majasophieanna​ @lukesaprince​ @styles217​ @andwhenshesays​ @be-with-me-so-happily​ @hslllot​ @b-reads-things​ @awesomenavy​ @sweetwanderlust05​ @permanentllyharry​ @reveriehs @very-berry-harry​ @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite​ @jerseygirlinca​ @st-ev-ie​ @kahluamystery97​ @indierockgirrl​ @copiastricycle​ @autumnleaves1991-reads​

[finnglas]

In order to explain my cats' latest obsession, I have to give you some history. Behind a cut, warnings for Cat Illness.

In 2015, both K and I were working a lot and I felt bad that my>our cat, Luna, was being left alone for hours on end. So we decided to get a second cat - thus, Evie joined the family. Now, being that Evie was about 2 years old and Luna was about 5 years old, they didn't really enjoy the Sudden Roommate Situation [SRS]. It took a lot longer than normal for the introductory methods to work. (They still tolerate each other more than anything but they seem to have made their peace, eight years on.)

Anyway, we got Evie in November of 2015 and in January of 2016 I lost my job and Luna also developed an ongoing UTI due to the stress of the SRS. (Between this and the Politics Situation at the time, I was so stressed I skipped my period for almost seven months. I don't think any of us have recovered.) Anyway, so Luna had to go on antibiotics, and the antibiotics gave her diarrhea, so we also put her on probiotics, but the probiotics (I learned later) gave her worse diarrhea, and the stress of constant upset stomach meant that she kept having ongoing UTIs which meant ongoing antibiotics/probiotics, etc., in a vicious cycle. I'm still mad at that vet because they refused to slow down to consider me asking "what if the fact that it's making her sick is contributing to the infection" and kept just assigning more rounds of antibiotics that I couldn't afford. Yeah that credit card JUST got paid off two months ago.

A N Y W A Y. The result of all this is that it tore poor Luna's stomach up to the point that she couldn't eat any kind of dry treat or kibble. Literally, one Greenie treat would instantly give her the shits. This means that both cats have been on wet-food-only for like, seven years. It's expensive, and not great for their teeth, but also Luna wasn't shitting herself constantly so you take what you can get. I occasionally tried samples of kibble that advertised themselves as Sensitive Stomach Formulae over the years but none of them were successful.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I was at my parents' for my dad's surgery and Kellie stayed home with the cats. She had to go get some more wet food for them during this time and while at the pet store, she eyed a bag of kibble that said it was for Sensitive Stomachs and had a strong impulse to Try It. So she got a small bag. Texted me about it. I said "You're awfully brave trying that while I'm not home to give her a bath when her back end winds up covered in poop at 2am."

But miracle of all miracles: Luna can tolerate this kibble. We started very very small - less than 1/8 of a cup once a day - and have been working our way up. We are at 1/6 of a cup once a day now, and there has been no stomach upset!

This is great news for multiple reasons, but one of them is that we can now have an automatic feeder which means that we can take short overnight trips without needing a cat-sitter. For long trips, of course, we'd still want someone checking in on them and giving them their supplement of wet food.

We have one such short overnight trip coming up in two weeks, so I took advantage of Black Friday sales on one of my favorite pet brands (their water fountain also came from PetLibro) and ordered them a two-bowl pet feeder. It came in yesterday (love Black Friday being a week long now) and I set it up last night. I tested it at the time by having it dispense 1/12 of a cup of kibble. Worked great! tipped most of it back into the granary and let the kitties have a couple of pieces as a treat.

WELL. They now cannot enter the room without paying tribute to the Fickle God of Kibble, aka Sammy the Automatic Feeder, just in case he has decided to dispense more kibble.

They just had their first scheduled 9am feeding, and both of them ran around like they were losing their minds before diving in mouth-first, so I am deeply amused and will be watching these developments with interest.

[seoafin]

morgan how are you doing ☺️☺️☺️ any new life updates?? anything to look forward to in the last half of the year 😗

hiiii friend <333333 looks like this half of the year is looking much better than the last half! but i don't want jinx myself. hopefully though fingers crossed lmfao

as for life updates I got an astrology reading done at a friend's party last week and by the end we were BOTH crying. like she read me 10x over i was so shook by the end of the night i literally went by the water with a beer and sat for 2 hours contemplating my life. anyway im interning at a pretty well known literary agency for a couple of months. anddddd im (tentatively) trying to go to the faroe islands in november 😁

honestly yeah im applying to grad school this year and im relatively confident I'll be able to get a job full time if not but im also really heavily thinking of just taking off and traveling full time for the next 1-2 years! maybe if i decide to go grad school this year after my internships end i'll just travel until grad school starts but we'll see! i'm also trying to move abroad to the UK in the next year or so LOL

[deadlifts-and-deadlines]

Gonna dump everything from my appointment yesterday here so I can remember it.

Rheum wanted GI to switch me to Rinvoq after positive RA diagnosis in November. GI doesn’t want to switch me off Stelara because it seems to be working, even though the last couple months have been a little rough. We looked at my injection schedule against my notes on when I started getting sick again each month and determined that I am metabolizing Stelara quickly and would benefit from moving my doses to every six weeks as opposed to eight weeks. So we’re going to see if insurance will allow that. Basically, I’ve already been through two of the strongest biologics for Crohn’s, and the doctor doesn’t want to prematurely take me off Stelara until we’ve exhausted all my options with it bc once I’m off it I will build up antibodies. He would much rather see me add in methotrexate, hydroxychloriquine or plaquinel rather than disrupt something that is actually working for me. Which I agree with - and I actually had huge reservations about Rinvoq. I was willing to try it, but I would have been disappointed had it come to that bc I really don’t want a daily oral medication and the side effects - mainly severe acne and sun/heat sensitivity- made me nervous.

Honesty, I’m relived we aren’t giving up on Stelara. I do think I came off the Humira too quickly, even though I think ultimately I would have had to do it anyway regardless. The fact that I had injection site reactions every time wasn’t good, even without factoring the major joint pain. But I was at the point where I would do anything to avoid that shoulder pain, so I didn’t hesitate to stop.

So yeah. Stelara every six weeks if insurance will approve it. Need to get back to rheum to see if I can get an RX over the phone for the RA or if I will have to wait until my next appointment in June. GI also told me that if a joint locks up again I can go to the ER for injections to help it unlock and pain killers, and that an ER visit would likely help me get into rheumatology sooner. They’re scheduling me for another colonoscopy, and honestly I am stoked, lol. Post colonoscopy is the only time I’ve ever felt truly “cleared out” and I am a very data driven person so I will be happy to have something to compare the colonoscopy from 2022 to. I had labs yesterday and they all came back within the normal range. Have to take in a stool sample this week. Honestly, things went as well as they could have, I think.

[warmaidensrevenge]

Eddie Munson x Fem!plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: ok this is pure self indulgence. And I just returned to work from vacation and this story kinda took me. So I hope you like it. Thanks for reading and as always feedback is greatly appreciated. Kay love ya byyyyyeeee.

Warnings: language, drinking, inappropriate behavior towards a female, smoking, a touch of violence and not proof read and no word count

Summary: Eddie gets a job and finds a coworker extremely attractive.

November 1988

It was his first day working on his own. Eddie had finished his two week training on the Extruder at the plant. He was happy to find out at the start of his shift that a few of his uncle's buddies were going to be working with him too.

The first hour went by with nothing big happening. Some finished products had just come off the line and Eddie was banding it with green plastic straps. That's when he saw a blue light flash by him and he looked up and saw a forklift driver waiting for him to finish so that they could take the load.

When he looked at her, he really couldn't see her all that well. She was wearing ear muffs and a mask covering her mouth and nose. He really couldn't make out if she was actually a girl. It was winter time and she was bundled up pretty good. Though Eddie was hot as hell. She must have been freezing her ass off driving around like that. But how he was sure you were a female is when you got off your lift and went to talk to someone across the way. He saw your large hips swaying and your full chest being hugged by your winter vest.

You were a larger girl but he swore he had never seen a girl of your stature move as gracefully as you did. He figured he would stop starting so that you wouldn't think he was a creep. So he finished the task at hand and went back to the machine. He heard a honk and turned to your lift. You didn't look at him you just picked up the load and left.

You did that for the entire shift. And only once did you look at him. He couldn't be certain if you smiled at him because of the mask. But by how your eyes squinted and your eyebrows wriggled he definitely thought you smiled at him. He had asked the guys what your name was but they kept calling you the wicked witch/bitch. Which took him back.

He didn't get much information from the guys so he opted to ask his uncle. At lunch he went to sit with Wayne and asked about you. But before he could answer you walked in with your wallet and went to buy a cup of coffee. Once you got it you left.

" Okay so?"

Wayne took a bite out of his sandwich. " That's y/n. She's the one who sends us pies for Thanksgiving and cookies for Christmas."

" oh shit that's her. Man I love her apple pie."

" Yeah. I like her molasses cookies the most. She's a sweet girl."

" Then why do guys call her the wicked witch?"

Wayne shook his head. "You know how I look like I'm not happy all the time?"

"Yeah."

" Well that's how she looks. But people don't see her smile because she wears that mask."

" why does she wear that?"

" Because where her main job is, it gets really dirty and dusty and it makes it hard to breathe."

" That doesn't sound safe."

" That's why she wears the mask. Wait when she leaves, you'll see how dirty she gets."

Eddie nodded and finished his lunch. The last hour of the 8 hour shift he didn't see you. But for some reason he wanted to. He wanted to talk to you. But then all of a sudden he saw you walking to a machine and used the air hose to blow off all the dust that was covering your pants and shirt. You had taken off your ear muffs. That's when he noticed you had a bandana on and a helix piercing. You had a couple of tattoos on your forearm and were wearing a Van Halen tee.

You were already checking off boxes in Eddie's list of the perfect girl. He watched as you finished blowing yourself off and left. The next four hours dragged on for him. The person who was your relief really sucked at their job. They let shit pile up before slowly taking the product away.

When Eddie went on his final break he walked through the tender shop and saw you working on a machine. He had to do a double take to see if it was actually you. He had thought you left already. He saw you leaning into a machine fixing something.

His break was over quickly. The entire time he kept wondering about you. Seeing you with tools in your hand did something to him. Another check mark. A girl who isn't afraid to get dirty.

When he walked out of the break room he ran right into you. You guys exchanged sorrys and did that awkward dance trying to let the other pass. Your laugh filled his heart and sent butterflies flutter in his stomach. Then you put both hands on his biceps and moved him to the side. He felt a heat rise from his chest to his neck when you did that. He tried to give you a smile, but all he could manage a half one. You laughed again and walked into the break room.

...

Eddie thought about you all night. And was actually looking forward to seeing you the next day. His uncle told him your department doesn't have overtime so you pick up some poor guys OT when you could. Even if that meant a pay decrease. So you were a hard worker. And you could cook.

Check and check.

The rest of the next month he didn't see you much. He found out that your department was on a rotating shift. So you had to work all three shifts throughout the month. He actually looked forward to seeing you now. Whether it was just a few minutes or just a glance.

He wanted so badly to talk to you. Hear that pretty laugh of yours again. But he never got the chance too. That was until the company Christmas party. The only reason Eddie even went was because he heard you go every year. So while in the dance hall in a lodge he and his uncle headed to the open bar and got 2 beers and grabbed some food. Normally Eddie would sit at home and eat a microwave dinner and watch whatever Christmas movie was on. But tonight was really fun. All the games and conversations were something he wasn't quite used to. He kept an eye out on the door waiting to see you come in. He was finally gonna see you without all your gear and he knew you would be just as pretty as your laugh.

But you didn't come. He was very disappointed and decided to go out and have a cigarette. The moment he stepped outside he saw someone sitting on a bench just off to the side. All he could really make out was her long hair in a beanie and that she was smoking.

He slowly walked towards the bench and saw you. You were looking at the lights just across the little tree brush. Your full lip wrapped around your cigarette. Slowly blowing the smoke out and humming a Christmas carol.

Eddie stepped on some snow causing a crunching sound that made you turn to him. You gave his this beautiful smile and his heart skipped a beat.

" Hi."

"H-Hey." He said nervously.

"Eddie right?"

" Y-yeah."

You looked away and smiled softly.

" You're umm y/n right?"

" Uh huh." You said taking a last toke of your cigarette and tossing the butt.

Eddie had forgotten why he went outside in the first place.

" How are things in there?" You asked while getting up.

" Umm okay. They should be passing out presents soon."

" Oh. Okay." You said walking past him.

The smell of your perfume invaded his nostrils. You smelled so sweet. He stood there frozen. He was cursing himself for being so damn shy.

"You coming?"

Eddie turned and saw that beautiful smile again.

" Uhh yeah." He said following you back in.

You went to a table that he and his uncle were at. You took off your beanie and your peacoat. Revealing a long sleeve black velvet dress that fitted you perfectly. The sight of you could have brought Eddie to his knees. Just as he thought.

Fucking gorgeous!

You noticed him gawking at you and you just grinned sitting down. He quickly took the seat next to you and smirked. He offered to get you a drink needing one himself. He grabbed another beer and a coke for you. He thought it was strange that you didn't want to drink at a party but he shrugged it off.

You guys hit it off pretty well. The moment you said that you liked his Dio vest he knew he liked you. The fact that you knew who Dio was had him swooning.

You crossed your legs and your dress rode up a bit. He caught a glimpse of your knee tattoo before you pulled your dress down. His mind went berserk. He knew how much a knee tattoo hurt and he was in fucking aww. He had to adjust himself because his growing erection was starting to push against his zipper, making his pants tight.

Looks good dressed up too.

Check.

As the night went on some guys got a bit rody. You had gotten up to get some desserts when a guy from the maintenance department stumbled toward you. By your body language you didn't like what he was saying to you. You took a few steps back but he kept inching toward you. Eddie stood up to go to your rescue but Wayne grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.

" Sit down son. Just watch. She can handle herself."

Eddie was confused as fuck. You needed help.

He looked back at you and saw you actually take a step closer to the guy and then put your hand on his shoulder. With one quick movement you kneed him right in the balls. You took a step back as he keeled over. You lifted his chin and Eddie heard him call you a cunt. Eddie's mouth dropped when you laid that guy the fuck out.

CHECK, CHECK. MOTHER FUCKIN' CHECK!

You came back to the table shaking your hand and sat down next to him.

" Cookie?" You offered up a plate.

He laughed taking one. " You're bad ass you know that?"

You shrugged and laughed too.

You shared your cookies with him and his uncle.

" so umm" you leaned in so that only he could hear you. " Want to get out of here?"

" Uhh y-yeah. Sure."

You smiled and stood up. He got up too and helped you with your coat. He turned to Wayne.

" Hey. You think you can get home alright?"

" Don't worry about me boy. Go have fun. Be safe."

Eddie nodded and turned back to you.

" Ready?"

He grinned. " Been ready babe."

You shook your head and he followed you out.

...

Eddie's groans filled the warm air of your living room.

" Fuck!" He groaned as you giggled.

" You're really bad at this." You teased.

" Well seems like you had more practice than me." He chuckled.

" Just a little." You said with a smile.

You move to get a bit more to get comfortable. Eddie watch you get really into it. But when it was his turn he cursed.

He threw the controller down and sunk into the couch when his character died once again.

You snickered going for the last cherry on the screen.

When the next level started you paused the game.

" You know when you said let's get out of here, this is not what I thought you had in mind."

You laughed again turning your body toward him.

" Oh? And what about Mrs pac man doesn't get you going?" You teased.

He chuckled" Yeah. I thought maybe....I don't know."

" you thought we'd have sex."

" Well umm yeah. But don't get me wrong. This was totally fun too."

" Huh. Well you kinda have to take me out a few times before we get to all that."

Eddie tugged at his bottom lip. You wanted to go out on a date? With him?

" Or not. It's totally up to you. But I gotta say. I'm not like that."

" No. No. I umm I just didn't know that you were into me. That's all."

" Well take me out and you'll find out how much." You gave him a sweet seductive smile.

He chuckled. " You're something else you know that?"

Your smile faded. " I hope that's not a bad thing."

" No. It's mostly definitely not. You're cute. And I would like to take you out."

He saw you blush then picked up the controller again. He grabbed the other one too.

He had to admit that this was the best Christmas he had ever had. And he looked forward to spending more nights like this with you.

...

@salenorona23

[claudiajcregg]

S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!

Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)

I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)

The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)

Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)

This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.

For more irrelevant details on the “process”…

As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.

It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.

(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)

But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)

But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.

[capn-o-my-soul]

can someone pls help me determine whether or not i accidentally mansplained to someone

(long ass post)

<head>

ok so im going to give quite an excessive amount of detail here but i feel like it is necessary because i think i might have mansplained to one of my only friends today and i feel really bad about it.

(btw im (a senior) in high school)

also my friend Anon mentioned in this post is not male.

also also i don't think i ordinarily exhibit traits of toxic masculinity or even masculinity (i've been told i could tell people i was a girl and they'd believe me if i changed my outfits a little bit)

</head>

<exposition>

so the marching band season started last week and basically that means we are learning how to march football game halftime shows for 11 hours a day for 5 days a week in the middle of summer.

in the morning we work on marching technique as well as setting the formations (the big shapes and patterns made of people) and in the afternoons we work on music (and a little more marching fundamentals), separated by an hour's lunch

today was especially hot (irrelevant)

</exposition>

<body>

so today i came inside the school after the morning practice and put my stuff down in the trumpet room (each section puts their stuff in a classroom) and then i washed the sunscreen off of me and went to sit down with my friend Anon for lunch (i don't normally eat lunch but i still like to sit with them while they eat lunch)

and so Anon was eating lunch and we were talking and then Anon sees one of their friends (who is in the color guard (the people with the fun flags and (fake) rifles)) and was like "HI [name]!!!" and Anon's friend came over and was like y'know talking and stuff like a normal person might.

<irrelevant section>

the color guard at my school does marching outside with the band during the morning then has a four hour break then comes back in the evening to work on flag twirling technique

so Anon's friend was on their four-hour break which starts at the same time as my lunch

</irrelevant section>

so Anon's friend came over (i'm in a computer science club with them (them as in Anon's friend) so i've spoken to them a couple times) and i was like "hi" and then Anon asked what Anon's friend was up to. Anon's friend said that they were studying for the upcoming August SAT (which i am also in the process of studying for) and i said "omg im working on that too!" and they were like "omg cool yeah i'm trying really hard to get a good score on this one because i DO NOT want to have to have it hanging over my head until the october SAT" (the october SAT is the only one after august until december and college applications are due in between november and january)

<relevant side note section>

my school makes all sophomores and juniors take the PSAT for free on one day in october. on the same day, seniors optionally take the SAT for free.

additionally, there is another date that the SAT is offered (not for free and not by my school) that is also in october

</relevant side note section>

and then Anon was like "yeah i'm not doing early action or early decision or anything so i'm probably going to take some extra time to study up for the october SAT"

[here's where i think i went wrong]

then i asked Anon "are you taking the free SAT at our school or are you taking the other one?"

then they seemed a little bit confused which to me seemed to indicate that they weren't aware of the one offered by our school.

then i said "the one offered by our school as in the one on that one day in october each year where all the sophomores and juniors take the PSAT and the seniors take the SAT for free"

and they seemed to hesitate a little bit before resuming the normal pace of conversation (which could have been my imagination as i was exhausted) which to me seemed to indicate that i did something wrong

at this point i don't even recall the rest of the conversation or even the rest of lunch for the most part because i was thinking about this the whole time.

(Anon didn't seem upset or anything and there was no perceptible change in the mood)

</body>

so what do you guys think

did i mansplain to them

thank you for your time and as a reward for reading this whole thing i shall grant thee a silly, low-quality picture of my cat

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

229. Nectar of the Wicked by Ella Fields--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was me when I finished NECTAR OF THE WICKED and realized how in love I was.

Trust me, when I went into Fields's book, I was never expecting it to hit me in this way. I was aching for a dark fantasy that would capture me and hold me tight until it was time for me to let go. I was hoping for some cute moments and maybe some decent smut.

Yeah, I definitely got that and way more.

NECTAR OF THE WICKED is a dark fantasy romance with some intense smut scenes and a morally grey love interest. We have surprise identity reveals and a hunt for the truth. We get bickering and an intense enemies to wary lovers that leaves us on a tantalizing cliffhanger, our brains trying to decipher the truth from the lies and the idea that sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.

This poor MC goes on a journey full of anger, hatred, and a twisted sense of love.

I loved every moment of it and immediately bought a physical copy (thank you, KU, for existing.)

Read this if you want a love interest you love to hate and an MC who bites off more than she can chew.

Come for the smut and anger; stay for the character development and that sequel that comes out at the end of the year!

Also, I will say this put me in a mini-slump for audiobooks because I wanted to do nothing but keep reading off my Kindle. That is all.

___

230. Definitely Dead by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read November 2023

Yes! I am finally at the last book I read back in 2012, everything from here on is something fresh and new. Also, I'm happy to have finally come across one of the characters I was thinking about when I first started my re-read.

I liked this one because we got to see a new side of Sookie, including some revelations as to why she is so appealing to so many supes. She's also badass in this with her tiger sidekick. Also, I've totally been spoiled for who she ends up with and some of the events in this book intrigued me because we're still so far from that final decision.

Also, glad that we finally see the end of one arc that started with a really annoying character--even though I could wholly sympathize with the family.

Onto the next one!

___

231. Ignite by Melanie Harlow--⭐️⭐️⭐️

IGNITE had some of my all-time favourite tropes:

✓ single parent ✓ age gap ✓ adorable kids ✓ sassy best friend/siblings

I loved all of the above, especially when the MMC underestimates the FMC because of her age. They also had some great spicy moments full of chemistry and wit. I loved that we got to see the FMC through the MMC's perspective because she seems a lot more carefree and daring when we don't have her internal thoughts questioning and under-estimating herself. It was hot and I was 100% here for it.

The daughters were hilarious and such a great addition to story. It's always sad when single parent romances don't have kids who showcase their own little personalities. There's so much opportunity there and Harlow definitely did her best to showcase this in IGNITE!

This is clearly a part of a longer series, which I have not read, and I can only imagine how long and extensive the stories are. I saw how woven into this story those backstories are, including that of the FMC's dad's similar romance story with her stepmom.

What I wasn't a huge fan of is how...instant the romance felt. One of my favourite single parent romances, MEET ME HALFWAY, is one of those single parent books that will forever set a standard for me. I love when couples take time to get to know each other and build that foundation. When the third act break-up happens, which is usually the case, sadly, I want to BELIEVE that there is enough of a reason for the FMC or the MMC to fight for that love they supposedly built up over the weeks. Why should I root for you two if you've only know each other for a short time? I know love grows in different ways, but that's always been my problem with insta-romance books. Especially when the MMC is so adamant on being single forever. It's gotta take more than a pretty neighbour being cute and adorable to break that ice, right?

And going off that, the lack of communication and self-sacrificing is always the bucket of cold water I never ask for when it comes to books like this one. It ruins the mood and sours a chunk of the book, tbh. I understand they're both jaded af, but the age difference is a lot smaller that it appears when they both are acting like children.

Anyway, I loved the tropes and the story overall, but those last few reasons are why I didn't rate this higher and why I didn't race out to buy the physical copy. I enjoyed myself for the most part, but I've read better. I do still recommend this, though, for fans of the tropes I mentioned earlier! Those sweet little girls give this book so much personality and I just want the world for them!

___

232. Egotistical Puckboy by Eden Finley & Saxon James--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sometimes I crave a really good hockey romance to take my mind off the world around me--or, to just be my gateway to spiralling into the deep, dark hole of romance that I usually fall into at least once a year. The moment October ended, I was immediately starting to crave something a lot lighter than the horror I'd been reading since late August.

EGOTISTICAL PUCKBOY scratched that itch I was getting and then some. First, I LOVE the trope of these two men absolutely hating each other, but secretly pining for one another. I am also a massive fan of the man who is relationshipphobic who is tamed by the one guy they never expected to like them or want them back. Add in hockey, hot smut, dirty talk, and a delicious tension and you've got a formula for something really, really fun and addicting.

The two MCs were different, but at the same time, they both dealt with similar hurdles to overcome. I loved that through time and proximity, they slowly started to figure each other out and not only survive as teammates, but also as something more. They helped each other out and grew together. There's something so enjoyable about two men just growing together and accepting that they're both worthy of love.

Eden Finley and Saxon James are two of the best when it comes to writing m/m hockey romances and whenever I see one of their books, I immediately fall in. This did not disappoint. And even though it wasn't my most favourite of their books, it was definitely a binge-able read.

___

233. Irresponsible Puckboy by Eden Finley & Saxon James--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I ran straight to this book after reading the first in the series because I knew who this one would follow and I am the biggest, biggest sucker for books that feature a man so far in the closet that he doesn't know which way is out. I also love a man who is the biggest and most lovable himbo. We get this in IRRESPONSIBLE PUCKBOY. Plus, we also get a great friendship and so much angst and a quiet love that grows and grows as the story progresses.

I loved how these two characters took care of each other and how, despite the impending heartbreak, they couldn't leave each others' sides. I liked that this one touched on stereotypes and the messy side of having such a public romance--especially a non-hetero one.

Much like with the first book, I couldn't put this one down and I was smiling so much at how silly the one character was. Bless his heart.

___

234. Generation One by Pittacus Lore--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in November 2023:

I went into this one with expectations because even though I remembered basically nothing about this book, I had this clear idea of what was going to happen. While it was definitely an adventure, it's wasn't as "whoa" as I remember it being. I just finished the original series, so naturally, I wanted to jump right into this one.

There was definitely some action and some very X-men type of powers. I enjoyed learning about the different abilities and how the world was being affected after the war. I just didn't feel that sense of urgency that I first felt with this series. I didn't have a "wow this is cool" moment.

It was weird not reading through the perspective of Four, but I also know that this new generation will have many adventures up ahead. While I did enjoy this for the most part, it didn't hold that same charm from the original series (for me) and I might postpone listening to the next book. We shall see!

I only took one start off to honour my initial review years ago.

___

235. Still Beating by Jennifer Hartmann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I came across this book by chance at work and was immediately intrigued. Even though I did have that initial interest, I wasn't 100% sure how I would like STILL BEATING, considering how dark it was promising to be. Well, after binge reading the hell out of it, I can safely say that I loved it.

Years ago, I read a book called THE AIR HE BREATHES and while it dealt with vastly different themes, the level of emotional distress I felt while reading that book is the only one I think could be comparable to my experience reading STILL BEATING. Both books dealt with dark and taboo topics, and the guilt that comes from taking and accepting the only remedy for a destroyed heart.

One of the things I loved most about this book was how honest the characters were with each other when it came to finally coming to terms with what they needed to heal themselves. This isn't a cutesy read where the happy ending is straight forward--it's a book with characters who get a hard-fought-for HEA that carries a massive asterisk because even though they've survived, that PTSD and experience will always live with them.

I was recommending STILL BEATING to a coworker and I had to explain the massive trigger warnings for r@pe, because it IS something that happens. They are abducted by a monster who does horrifying things to the FMC. Though the scenes usually fade to black, or are alluded to, this can be incredibly triggering--so please, proceed with caution. There is no glorification of the attack. There is no glorification of the monster.

STILL BEATING is messy, dark, and frankly, terrifying with how surviving the nearly-impossible can still haunt you. As the characters often comment: you might have left the basement physically, but the basement will always be in your mind. While the taboo topic of this being a love story between the FMC and her sister's fiance is one of the big themes, it was their resilience, and their fight to survive that held my interest and love.

This isn't a book that will be begging a re-read any time soon, but it was definitely incredibly memorable. I look forward to reading another book by Hartmann in the future.

___

236. Boys in the Valley by Philip Fracassi--⭐️⭐️⭐️

In the defence of this book, I read this after my craving for horror books had already passed. But that's the only defence I'll give BOYS IN THE VALLEY.

I went into this expecting something terrifying and don't get me wrong, there were definitely some super creepy moments, but while I can objectively see why this book is so popular, I don't fully 100% understand. First, I didn't realize it would be so religious-based. While I do believe in certain things, I'm not exactly the biggest fan of books the spout religious content at me. Although, in retrospect, that could very well be one of the themes meant to incite horror in the reader.

While I enjoyed this for what it was, it was kind of just meh? I think I zoned out a few times while listening to the audiobook and I was just not very connected. I will, again, admit that me not being in the mood for this genre most definitely affected my interest. But having that argument, I wonder if this book had been more compelling, would I have liked it more?

You might like this if you're a fan of things that go bump in the night (and proceed to kill you in said night), and if you're cool with religious horror.

___

Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

___

Happy reading!

[daisydezem]

So today I turned 33😊 and its been a good(ish) day. I just wanted to vent a little bit about what else is going on in my life so yeah I'll write a little bit about it.

Triggers: period, doctor, IUD, hysterectomy (uterus removal)

In 2021 December I got the injection pill. Ever since my period was whacky. I had no period for a month and then for 2 months in a row. I went to the doctor and he gave me some hormone pills to make it stop and it did. Then the same thing happened. 1 month not then 2 months in a row (and with that I mean every day for those 2 months) so I went to the doctor again.

This time he wanted to reset my period patarn so with the injection pill I also got the normal pill. I called the pharmacy and the lady on the phone asked if that was right. So I explained and she said okay well then just come pick them up. I did have a little bit of period for like 2 weeks but that wasn't so bad. Then I started to notice myself change.

I was emotional, crying (and normally I hate crying), angry and just a whirlwind of emotions. I got my period again September 28th. A week later I had to have the injection shot again. So I asked the nurse if I should still keep taking the normal pill as well. She asked me what? So again I explained what the doctor had said and she asked me... are you okay? And I said yeah sure... I didn't want to admit I wasn't. But she did said to stop the pill.

Was I okay? That question rang in my head. And no I wasn't... I was crying at work because someone had a pretty last name, because I saw a elderly couple in a commercial shopping... I was crying all the time but the weird part was I didn't feel sad at all. So I called the doctor again and asked for a female doctor. This was early November and I had my period from September 28th. I had a lot of blood (one hour for the largest tampon was already blood through) and heavy cramps and I stopped working due to it on November 19th since I couldn't tell my manager how I would react if there was a calamity and if I would be able to guide people into safety.

I talked about this with the female doctor. And you know what she said? "I think you might be depressed" What? No, I wasn't. My hormones and period are a out of control. But I was send home with the advise to rest for a week and call in a week if things weren't better. They weren't and I called. I sat with the same doctor asking for a meeting with a gynaecologist but she just said maybe you just need to go back on the pill and to be safe (since I got pregnant being on the pill) your partner should just get a vasectomy. But that won't slove my hormones, sense of security, my bleeding or my cramps. So I begged to see the gynaecologist and final I was able to see one in December (still everyday on my period, heavy cramps and hormones moodswings)

We did some tests, I had anemia, had too much hormones because of the combination of injunction pill and normal pill and showing signs of exhaustion. And I was done... I just said remove it. But they didn't want to because I was too young. I might want kids in 5 years... I DONT! She told me to at least wait to see what would happen if all hormones from the pills were out of the body. So we did...

Fast forward to the end of January of this year. Things hadn't changed, still on my period everyday, my exhaustion was worse and the pain of the cramps were less and less doable since I couldn't power through because of the exhaustion. So I was given painkillers and it helps a bit. But they were still painful and getting more frequent. So she decided to try a IUD. It was placed February 6th.

Thise who have them know putting them in isn't very nice. It hurts... but the days after I was in horrible pain. It got worse. It felt like I was in labor. But after 2 weeks it got a bit better. The bleeding was still there but I was able to sleep and I even went to work for a few hours. Then I had a check up to see if everything was okay(mind you everytime it's a vaginal ultrasound that I went to the doctor) She checked and no it wasn't. I had cramps so much I pushed I halfway out of the uterus. So we made an appointment to re adjust it again a week later. I was with a camera, she put it on the right place again and same thing happened. I was in pain... lots. It felt like I was in labor. And last Thursday I had a check to see it it was still in place this time. It wasn't...

Now she said okay we tried everything so now we are gonna do a second opinion in a different hospital. And see if we can do a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) Like I fucking asked for in December...

I'm pissed, exhausted and done. This year was awful. And I hope next year will be better. Since thus hasn't just had an effect on my own health physical and mentally... but also on my work, my social life, being a nice fun mom and put a lot on my partner and our relationship.

As I said in the beginning I just wanted to vent. I needed to put it down. I've been on my period from September 28th on. Some days worse and some better. Thank those who got to the end...

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #47 (part two)

previously - Journal Entry #47 (part one)

Victor

I was still sitting on the floor when my mom entered the room. She greeted me right away, but it must've been her nurturing instinct that made her stop next to the bed and check on Yuri before checking on me. I guess she could tell that I was relatively fine anyway, compared to him.

I couldn’t see exactly what she was doing, but I could tell she was leaning down a bit, and I caught the movement of her arm. It didn’t take long for me to figure it out, though, when she murmured, “You’re burning up, sweetheart.”

Yuri’s only reaction to that was a soft whimper. I doubted he was responding voluntarily, or that he’d even gotten close to waking. It was probably just a reflex from being touched.

“Victor, did you know he has a fever?” Mom asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I was in bed with him up until a few minutes ago. I could feel the heat coming off him.” I frowned, wondering if she thought I’d lost my ability to know what’s wrong with Yuri or how to take care of him since my accident. “He’s already had a fever reducer. He can’t have another one for at least three hours.”

“Okay,” she said.

“I think he's got an infection. Plus, he's run down, so that’s not doing him any favours.”

“You shouldn’t let him overextend himself.”

I actually laughed at that. “Let him? Mom, do you have any idea how stubborn Yuri is? It wouldn't matter what I said. If he's determined to keep going, he'll go until he physically can't.“

“Sounds familiar,” she said. “That’s exactly like some other young man I know.”

“Yeah, guilty,” I said.

“The two of you must have some interesting arguments.”

“We both push until one of us gives in,” I confessed. “We don’t like arguing, though. It’s tiring for both of us, so we do what we can to avoid it. We’re getting good at working through things.”

“I take it that his health isn’t one of those things.”

“No, it totally is,” I said. “He’s usually willing to let me take care of him, but this past couple of weeks… Well, you know. He decided it was his turn to take care of me, whether he was up to it or not, and he wasn’t about to admit defeat.”

“He needs a doctor," Mom said.

"I know."

"I told you last night that I thought he should go to the hospital."

"I never disagreed with that," I told her. "I think he needs to be in the hospital too, but he says he doesn't want to, so good luck getting him there."

"I'll talk to Kenji," she said, and then while I was still recovering from the mild shock of hearing her address Mr. Okamoto by his given name, she continued, "And if he can't convince him, maybe Rei can. She'll be here tomorrow."

I'm sure my mouth literally fell open at that, and I stammered, "What? Who?"'

"Yuri's mother," Mom said. “Rei. Am I not pronouncing it right?”

“Mrs. Okamoto.”

"She's arriving tomorrow afternoon, from someplace in the States, apparently."

"Del Sol," I said. "She's been there for work since like, the end of October or beginning of November."

"Anyway, we're going to watch Yuki while Kenji goes to pick her up at the airport."

"Doesn't Yuki have school tomorrow?"

"Professional development day, Kenji says."

"Okay. So, nobody thought it was important to tell me and Yuri that his mom's coming home tomorrow?"

"To be fair, Julian and I didn't know until practically just now. Kenji mentioned it after Julian came back from bringing you up here. I don't think he even told Yuki before now, judging by her reaction."

"That figures," I said.

"Excuse me?"

"Let's just say Mr. Okamoto isn't gonna win any prizes for his communication skills."

"I see." Mom made her way around the bed and sat down by me on the floor. "You still don't get along with him."

"He doesn't like me."

"You know, I was actually prepared not to like him, based on that," she said. "But, I have to admit he's growing on me."

"Like mold?"

"Victor!" Mom scolded. "That's not very kind of you."

"Sorry. I'm just tired of his crap.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not ungrateful for him helping us,” I said, “I'm glad he's here, but like, every time he does something for us, I get my hopes up and then it never turns into anything. I was really starting to be optimistic this time, 'cause it's like he's been making an actual effort, but now that Mrs. Okamoto's coming home, he'll probably just drop everything on her and go back to his old ways."

"I don't think so."

"You don't know him."

“No, but I think I understand a little of what he’s feeling as a parent.”

"How? You’re nothing like him as a parent. You love me and support me, and you don't act like I'm deliberately trying to hurt or offend you when I do stuff you disagree with."

"Do you think Kenji doesn't love Yuri as much as I love you?"

"If he does, I can't tell," I said.

"Not everyone shows love the same way," she said. "Some people aren't very good at expressing it at all, but that doesn't mean it's not there."

"Then, how's anyone supposed to know?"

"You have to let them in. Let them get close enough so they feel safe saying or showing it," she said. "I think you're right about Kenji not being very good at communicating, but I don't think it's because he doesn't like people. I think it's because he's afraid people won't like him."

“And by ‘people’ you mean Yuri and me.”

“Specifically Yuri, and you as well, but people in general,” she said. “My guess is, he’s afraid of rejection, and the more he cares about the person, the more scared he is.”

"We are talking about the same Kenji Okamoto, right?"

"He reminds me a lot of Julian when we first met."

"Mr. Okamoto reminds you of Julian? How...? Like, I get that they have a lot of stuff in common, but Julian's so open and caring and ready to help people, and Mr. Okamoto... isn't. "

"Julian wasn't always like that," she said. "He was always caring, but he wasn't open. When I first met him, he was too scared to take any risks with other people.”

"But, he took a risk to meet you."

"He might not have spoken to me at all if his pen hadn't ran out of ink halfway through class." I could hear the smile in her voice as she remembered, "We were sitting next to each other, and his voice cracked when he asked me if I had an extra one. After class, we walked together to get our dogs from the campus pet daycare, and then I introduced him to Thomas when he came to pick me up, and I guess the rest is history, as they say."

"A dead pen and a dog daycare on campus. I love that," I said. "But, I still don't see the connection between Julian and Mr. Okamoto."

"They've both got that same social awkwardness and possibly the same tendency to avoid things they think will be too painful or difficult," she said. "The difference is that Julian withdraws, but he doesn't completely shut everyone out or push them away. Kenji... " she sighed, and sounded a little sad when she finally went on. "I think Kenji's built a wall to protect himself. It's like he's been hurt one too many times by the people he loves, and the only way to keep himself from getting hurt any more is to act tough and keep everyone at arm's length."

"You've known him for like, two days, and you already got all that?"

"With some people, things like that are easier to spot," she said. "Of course, I may be completely wrong about him, but I don't think so."

"If that’s what he’s doing, doesn’t he know he’s hurting the people who love him?" I said. "Yuri loves him. He says he wants the kind of relationship with him that I have with you and Julian, but how's he supposed to do that when his father acts like he's an inconvenience most of the time?"

"Do you know if Yuri has told him lately that he loves him?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I don't think so."

"Then, maybe that's the place to start," Mom said. “Unless I miss my guess, his kids are the people he loves most, so with Yuri, he’s got the most to lose.”

"Maybe."

We sat quietly for a while after that. I don't know what Mom might've been thinking about, but I was considering what she said about Mr. Okamoto. If it was true, would Yuri saying he loves him be enough to make a crack in the metaphorical wall? I was skeptical, not just because I didn't think it'd be that simple, but also because in order for it to even have a chance of happening, Yuri would have to swallow his pride and be the first to take the risk. And maybe what Mom said about Mr. Okamoto is the same for Yuri. Maybe he's afraid of being rejected and the risk might feel like too much.

I know how much Yuri loves his dad, but I also know that he vowed a long time ago never to show any weakness in front of him, so making the first move is going to be difficult. Then again, Yuri isn't currently in a position to hide his weakness. He's already been more vulnerable with his dad this weekend than I've ever seen him, so maybe...

I didn't get to dwell on it too much before Mom broke the silence with "I'm sorry. You asked me to come up here to help you with something. I didn't mean to sidetrack you."

"It's okay," I said. "We needed this talk. It's something to think about. Anyway, what I wanted help with is important, but it's not urgent. A few minutes either way don't matter."

"What is it?"

"These papers." I gestured in the general direction of Yuri's violin case. "I don't know what they're about, and I don't know why Yuri's got them. He said I should show them to his father, but I need to know what they are first, and I can't read them, so..."

"So, you want me to read them to you?"

"Yeah," I acknowledged. "Or at least read a few of them yourself and then tell me what's going on."

She moved so that she could reach past me and get the folder out of Yuri's violin case. "Are these the papers from yesterday?"

"I... don't know? Did you see them yesterday?"

"We found a folder like this yesterday, when I helped Yuri up here to look around. He wouldn't let me take it downstairs with his sister's bags. He said it was important and he wanted to keep it with him."

"There's passports in it," I said.

She opened the folder, and I heard the sound of papers being shuffled. "Japanese passports," she commented, and then, "Who's Ren Kitagawa?"

She absolutely mangled his surname, but it didn't matter. I knew exactly who she was talking about, and I instinctively tensed up. "Yuri's ex," I said. "He's Hana's boyfriend, and he's trouble."

"Yuri and his sister dated the same person?"

'Yes, but can we not get into it? Could you check if the other passport is Hana's?"

"It is," she said.

"Crap," I said. "I think they're gonna try to leave the country. Probably before Ren has to go to court."

"Not without their passports," Mom pointed out. "Looks like they were planning to go to the States, and... oh."

"What?"

"Yuri's sister is pregnant?"

"Right. You probably didn't actually see her, did you?" I said. 'Yeah, she is. Due in the spring, allegedly."

"Not according to this," said my mother, as she shuffled more papers. "Some of these are in Japanese, but here's a doctor's report that looks like it's been translated. Doctor... Nakamura? Yuzuki? I'm not sure if that's a man or a woman. Anyway, their report says the estimated due date is the sixth of March."

"Holy crap." I was struck by a sudden theory, and I didn't like it. "They're not just trying to leave the country before Ren goes to court. They're trying to leave the country before the baby's born, aren't they? And they're running out of time to do it."

"No matter why they're doing it, they are running out of time," Mom confirmed. "She's almost too close to her due date to travel. Another week, possibly two, and the doctor's going to put their foot down about Yuri’s sister flying anywhere."

"Her. Yuzuki is usually a woman's name. You think she could actually prevent Hana from flying?"

"I think you know, nobody can really stop anybody from doing much of anything, if they really want to do it," she said. "If the airline agrees to let her travel, then I suppose she can go. Some airlines restrict pregnant people from flying after a certain point, though. Your father and I found that out the hard way when we were expecting you."

"Really?"

"We were trying to go visit your father's parents for a week. We got all the way to the airport, and got sent home because they asked me for a medical clearance letter, and I didn't have one," she said. "Looking back on it, that was probably for the best, considering I went into labour two days later, nearly three weeks before my due date." She laughed. "You always were impatient."

"You think something like that could happen with Hana?"

"With first pregnancies, it's hard to know," she said. She paused, and I assumed she was reading some more. "Hana's having a boy, in case you're interested."

"Not really," I said. "I'm more interested in what she and Ren are going to the States for."

"Let's go to your room so we don't disturb Yuri," Mom suggested. "We can spread all these papers out and get the full picture.”

I nodded. "Okay."

"Do you need help getting up?"

"Yeah, but I think I can walk by myself, if you just hold onto my arm so I don't walk into a wall or something."

I'm starting to feel more confident about walking. It's still a little tiring and stressful, but it's getting easier every day, and I think in a couple of weeks I'll be mostly fine. After some practice, I can find my way around downstairs without too much help, and now that I'm able to come upstairs, it won't be long before I'm okay up here as well. I'll probably still need help when I go out, at least until my eyes get better, but I feel like I'm making pretty good progress considering that on Thursday I couldn't even take two steps without panicking and crying and feeling like I was going to collapse.

When we got to my room, Mom guided me over to the bed, and I sprawled onto it. She sat next to me, and started to remove all the stuff from the folder. I couldn't help, which was kind of frustrating, but I managed to hold in my feelings about it.

What we found was more than passports and a few doctor's reports. In fact, There was a whole story inside that folder that read like a bad movie script.

Why Hana would've printed all of it instead of keeping as much of it as safe and secret as she could in an electronic format was a mystery, but I suppose in a way it was fortunate she did make hard copies. Mom and I spent nearly an hour going through the stuff, with her reading the emails and other documents aloud to me, and me becoming more horrified with each new thing she read.

Let me try to summarize it for you. Hold on, though. It gets wild.

The emails began back in October, between Hana and an American couple, Brad and Kristen Whitman. From what Mom and I could decipher, Hana and the Whitmans had met online on some sort of forum for people looking for surrogate parents, or "private adoptions" as they referred to it in their messages. It seemed kind of sketchy to me, if not outright illegal, but this was Hana we were talking about, so I shouldn't have been surprised.

The basic story was that Brad and Kristen had tried everything to have a child naturally, without any success. They didn't want to wait possibly years to complete the adoption process through official channels, because they're already in their late thirties and don't want to be older parents, so of course they turned to the internet. And, being rich and apparently desperate people, the idea of entering into an online scheme where they’d end up paying thousands of dollars for a stranger's baby evidently didn't give them a moment's pause.

And it was literally thousands of dollars, too. According to the emails, the Whitmans had been paying some of Hana's expenses during her pregnancy, and she'd been sending them all her medical reports, pictures from her scans, and receipts for stuff like maternity clothes, prenatal vitamins and organic food. The real gold mine for Hana was in the adoption itself, though, because she'd convinced the Whitmans to pay one hundred thousand American dollars in exchange for signing over all her son's parental rights to them.

That wasn't all, either. That insane sum of money was on top of Brad and Kristen paying for Hana and Ren to travel to America for the baby to be born there. If he was born in the States, he'd already be an American, so there'd be no immigration hassle like there would be if he was born in Japan and they had to come here to get him.

The emails weren't all business. There were some exchanges where Brad and Kristen talked about the nursery they were preparing for their new son, and about how he would be the most spoiled baby in Oasis Springs.

They planned to name him Arrow, which in my opinion is quite possibly the stupidest name ever. I tried to imagine Mr. Okamoto's reaction at his grandson being called Arrow, and my mental image was... not pretty. Hana seemed to have objected to that name too, at least in part. She'd asked in one message if they intended to ignore his Japanese heritage altogether. Somehow, that resulted in "Arrow Yashiro Whitman", which had me rolling when Mom read it to me.

"What?" Mom demanded, clearly confused as to why I was cackling like an idiot and trying to cradle my aching ribs.

"They're gonna call him Arrow Arrow," I managed to get out between gasps of laughter. "One of the ways to write Yashiro... One of the kanji means 'arrow'."

"Oh... I see," Mom said, and a second later she was giggling too. “That’s… unfortunate.”

To put it mildly, I thought.

We recovered from our laughing fit pretty quickly, because despite the absurdity of the proposed name for the baby, there was nothing at all funny about the situation as a whole. The tale Hana spun about her reasons for wanting to come to America, for example, was an absolute pack of lies, and obviously designed to inspire the Whitmans to have sympathy for her. People are a lot easier to exploit when they feel sorry for you. You might even convince them to give you a hundred grand for a baby that you may or may not surrender to them at the end of the day.

Hana's sob story was that she was escaping her abusive family. She was supposedly being oppressed and treated badly because her parents didn't approve of her life choices and hated her husband, Ren, and the in-laws were feuding to a point where life in Mt. Komorebi had become unbearable for her.

I nearly fell off the bed at that. I mean, sewers contain less crap than that email did.

Hana's parents may be a lot of things that'd prevent them from winning Parents of the Year, but they're not abusive and oppressive, and they're definitely not feuding with the judge and his wife. Mr. Okamoto and his father play golf with Ren's father all the time, and they're always going to those fancy rich-people dinner parties and stuff together. Unless they're playing some elaborate game of manipulation, I think they're all getting along just fine. And as for Ren being Hana's husband... that might be true, but I doubted it. I think if she'd eloped with him, she'd be waving her ring in everyone's face and bragging about it.

I was convinced that, like pretty much everything else in Hana’s life, this was just another paragraph in the huge fictional narrative she’s creating. Her philosophy seems to be that if you don’t like the real world, do whatever is necessary to create your own.

Her behaviour is nothing short of delusional if you ask my opinion. I realize no one did, but have it anyway, for what it’s worth.

I'll admit, by the time we were done going through everything, I was mentally exhausted. Mom packed all the documents into the folder again, and then asked me what I wanted to do with it.

"We have to give it to Mr. Okamoto," I said. "That's what Yuri wanted me to do, and after all that, I totally agree. He's the only one in a position to do anything about it."

"Do you want me to give it to him for you?"

"No," I said.

It's not that I didn't trust her to give it to him, but I didn''t know how he might react when he looked inside, and I didn't want my mom to be the one to face that. If he was going to shoot the messenger, the least I could do was protect my mom by being the messenger myself.

“Do you want him to come up and get it?”

“No. Help me bring the folder downstairs, and I'll personally give it to him.”